#literally havent stopped thinking and talking about it since i read it and i think im gonna reread it this week i rlly wanna

[cthulhum]

need more destiel fic recs that r soo soft and poetic and quotable and make me stop breathing at times yk ???

[doublekanble]

with that, my contribution to the wider fandom is completed. now back to regular alastor posting

[atinyniki]

happy new year!

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!bangchan x f!reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, established relationships, fighting, reader flinches bc of chan, reader is neglected, chan says rlly mean things, reader is pretty mean too, takes place on new years/new years eve, mentions of physical abuse, kissing, crying, kiss and make up (literally), chan is kinda mean to his manager (that he hates), petname, mentions of cheating, cheating accusations.

authors note: two posts in one day hell yeah ! this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1524

“seriously?!”

he can only bring himself to nod, evidently a little upset at your yelling.

you both go quiet for a moment, until you break it.

“chan.”

he looks up at you again, playing with his fingers in his lap. “hm?”

“are you cheating?”

“what?”

“are you cheating on me?”

“n-no! how could you even… ask that?”

you roll your eyes at him. “you havent been home in so fucking long, chan. and now you’re leaving again and it… it’s just not fair!”

“it’s my job, y/n.”

“your job shouldn’t require you to be away from me every day! you just got back”, you yell even louder.

he knows you’re frustrated, but he’s starting to get a headache. “y/n—“

“plus, even while you are here, you’re never with me… you’re always sleeping and you never talk to me.”

and then it just snaps.

“well, what if i’m tired y/n? what if i’m tired of running around all day with shitty schedules? what if i’m tired of having to exert my fucking voice all the time? what if i’m tired of you being so fucking clingy with me? i need rest!”, he yells back.

tears begin to well up in your eyes, and the words lump in your throat. despite that, you still manage to say something.

“am i really that clingy just for wanting the attention that i deserve? i’m your girlfriend for gods sake!”

he gets up off the bed, lightly stomping towards you. you notice the upset look on his face, red, teary eyes, and his hands are clenched into fists at his sides. 

you scoff at the sight, “what, you’re gonna fight me now? do it. hit me.”

though you act confident, you gulp, scared for what’s to come. he reaches a hand up to cup your face, but you shut your eyes, flinching and turning away.

there was no impact.

you turn back to chan, his face completely streaked with tears. “did… did you think i was really—“

he cuts himself off, unable to say anymore. 

you trip over your words, you know you’ve hurt him now. “i- i mean… i don’t see another reason your clench your fists. i just thought that—“

“clenching my fists eases the pain of my heart. that’s why i do it so much.”

“o-oh”

an uncomfortable silence passes between you two.

“um… just- come to me when you’ve calmed down. i’ll be in the living room.”

“o-okay.”

he makes his way out the room, his fists still clenched. you hear the pitter patter of his tears hitting the hardwood floor, and you just break.

you’ve done it. you’ve made him cry.

what kind of a girlfriend are you?

you finally let everything sink in. you sit down on your bed, wrapping yourself in the blanket, but it smells too familiar. it smells like chan.

chan will be leaving you again in two days. you don’t want to think about it, but you can’t stop. this is what he wanted after all. to think about it. to calm down. but you can’t.

not after what you said to him. not after what he said to you. your breaths become labored, gasping for air in between sobs. it gets painful, you can’t inhale anything anymore.

you’re stuck, you can’t breathe, but you’re being too loud. so you slap your hands over your mouth, hoping that he won’t hear, and you stuff your face into a pillow, body convulsing with every breath.

you clench the bedsheets, just needing to hold onto something.

chan was right. it helps.

he is not doing too well without you either. he hasn’t been able to stop crying since you left the room, trying to distract himself with the future next.

he turns on the tv, finally finding the countdown to new years. that’s when he realizes how late it is. how long it’s been since your argument.

it’s five minutes till midnight. 

the next year.

a fresh start. 

but it won’t be the same without you by his side. he tugs at his shirt, sobbing into the cushion even more. he’s careful not to make a sound, not wanting you to feel even worse than you already feel.

before he knows it, there’s only two minutes left. he has to apologize. he has to make it right. there’s no way in hell that he’s ending the year like this.

he walks over to your shared room, knocking softly.

one minute.

the doorknob turns, and you’re forced to face him again. it’s just the consequences of your actions.

your pillow is soaked with your tears, as is his cushion that’s still laying on the couch. your hands are clenched into fists beside you, just as his are now. your bloodshot eyes stare directly into his, and it’s like looking at a mirror.

twenty seconds.

he walks over to the bed, eyes flickering between the wet pillow and your puffy face. his heart clenches at the sight, and he digs his nails even harder into his palm. 

still wordless, he kneels down in front of you, where your legs are hanging off the bed. he’s now level with your face, making him far more intimidating.

five.

a tear leaves his eye.

four. 

he smiles softly at you.

three.

he glances at his phone to check the time, hand reaching for yours. you comply of course, interlacing your fingers in a desperate attempt to just feel him.

two.

he leans in closer to you, heart beating wildly in his chest. it feels like your first date all over again, the nervous feeling in his chest.

one.

using his other hand, he cups your face and pushes your foreheads together, smiling even wider when you don’t flinch away from him this time.

zero.

he steals your lips in a breathtaking kiss, and you just melt into it. your hands find his face, but before you can do anything, he picks you up, lips still attached to yours.

he sits down on the bed and pulls you further into his lap so that you’re straddling him, finally breaking away from the kiss with tears in his eyes.

“happy new year, babe…”

even more tears escape from your eyes now, but you just can’t help them. you hug chan even tighter now, scared that if you let go, he’ll be gone.

“you waited?”

“of course i did. i couldn’t leave you alone.”

you kiss him again, whispering little love confessions to him as you do. “happy new year…”

he knows the elephant in the room still needs to be addressed, and sighs. “i’m sorry for calling you clingy. i didn’t mean it. i really love the attention you give me, and i truly wouldn’t trade it for anything”

“i’m sorry for yelling at you… i should’ve handled it better. thank you for being patient with me.”

“you know i would never… um- do something like that to you… right?”

“i know chan, i was just scared… it was in the heat of the moment. i’m sorry for not understanding.”

he hugs you tightly, “i love you so much, y/n. you’ve changed my entire life, and now i actually look forward to it. i look forward to my schedules, my comebacks, even waking up… because i know it’s for you.”

you can’t even say anything, scared another sob will come out, so you take some time to process his words, kissing slowly at his neck.

“i love you too, channie. thank you for being here for me, and thank you for loving me. i know i can be so difficult and just a lot at times, but it means a lot that you try to make time for me.”

he smiles, kissing you again and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “oh my baby… i’ve missed you.”

you’ve never heard this type of emotion in his words before, so you just know his words have a different weight to them this time. 

“i missed you too. wondered how i was gonna sleep without you, knowing that you were hurt and—“

“shh baby… it’s okay. i’m here now, yeah?”

“but you’re gonna be gone again in two days”, you jokingly whine.

he smiles, grabbing his phone from the end of the bed, and he calls someone. you’re not sure who, but it rings for a while until they answer.

“hello?”

“i’m not going to be there for the interview.”

“what? why?! we’ve been planning this for months.”

“okay, well my girlfriend was planning on having me to herself for months, but we don’t all get what we want, do we? i’m spending time with her now.”

“can we reschedule?”

“we’ll talk later.”

he hangs up, and you’re a little stunned by the coldness of his voice. you know he hates his manager, but that much? 

“not anymore, y/n.”

“i love you, dumbass”

he giggles, “i love you too, angel.”, he says in a sing-song voice while bopping your nose.

“angel? you’ve never… called me that before…”

he hums, giggling again and quickly kissing you on the cheek.

“new year, new name.”

<3

[ma4chestier]

hey, remember when I thought literally no one was talking about umemiya's backstory's backstory?? yeah, well this guy @loganelfreeces just opened my eyes with the most insane analysis I've ever seen, bc these characters appear in less than two chapters and I'm not really the kind to overanalyze stuff but this made me think more than Im used to and I'm grateful for it.

seriously, if you havent read their post please go, its amazing!! what I'm about to say its practically just a response to what they were saying so I recommend reading it either wya

first off i want to start saying that i cant shake the feeling that umemiya and shitara share the same personality in the sense that they act all friendly and goofy to protect others from unnecessary trouble, like if we're talking about how umemiya acts i can tell he somehow copied or adapted himself to shitara's sense of responsability when it comes to emotional support

then there's that conversation shitara has with the other caretaker about the old furin, and i did get the feeling that shitara was talking about himself in some way, tho i wasnt sure if he had been a furin student, but just some acquaintance to the people there. him being a former student makes sense given that he knows a lot about furin insights and takes responsability on what they do around town

i can see shitara playing a major role in the future, but since the last time qe saw him was when umemiya was 14 years old, i hardly think we will see him again, OR as you pointed out, when umemiya graduates.

if im not wrong, it has been aprox five months (?) sicne sakura entered furin, so i think we're close to that

the one person i really dont think will appear again is umemiya's savior. why? because he couldn't see his face, it wasnt shown, we didnt got a name, not even a nickname, and as you were saying, he's an adult probably out of town that will never appear again

it will be one hell of a twist if the savior happens to be related to someone else, like being suo's martial artist brother or sakura's acquaintance, but i hardly believe he will appear again. yes he was influential in the story, and yes he shared with us some very important information about the old furin, but that was his role at the moment, and the story was going on about umemiya and shitara.

so, yes, shitara will probably appear again in some important scene, and no, the savior will probably not appear ever again

and IF we're talking about a third party, the other guy shitara and the savior mentioned, I hardly believe they will give us more insight on this. there's still a high chance this will get more focus in the series as the events starts to unfold in something more large. i think, if anything, nirei can crack the code of this mysterious saviors and the old furin secrets, I believe in my notebook guy!! (tho I really like how you connected the "serious/calm and goofy/loud" duo, it makes total sense)

OTHER THING THAT I REALIZED I THOUGHT YOUVE POINTED OUT BUT TURNS OUT I JUST IMAGIEND was that shitara and the other girl mention that because of all the gangs messing up the town the police had turned a blind eye to all these and left the town without doing their proper job, so that lefts us with no reliable adults available to put a stop to those crimes. there's no teachers in furin even tho its a school. the townsfolk rely on the furin boys. there's hardly any picture of parents anywhere, not even in conversations. shitara is the first adult to be relied on by someone in the entire series, and i think that alone says a lot about the guy and the future of the series in general.

I BELEIVE IN NII-SENSEI TO GIVE US AN ASNWER TO ALL THESE, THEY'RE AMAZING ON WHAT THEIR DOING AND I CANT WAIT HOW ALL THESE TURNS OUT!!

aAaaAaA im done.

[bitwynn]

so i was talking with my friend abt like-- genshin lore and it got to the subject of forbidden knowledge and stuff

and she used this analogy of it being a computer virus or a corrupted file that cant be processed properly

which then made me think "ahaha yes SAGAU IDEA--"

so what if... the forbidden knowledge was the fact that the world is a game/simulation? and since the world of genshin is a computer program, it wasnt built to handle the realization of the nature of its existence and like-- processed it as eleazar, and "forbidden knowledge" and its other effects on the world

eleazar is the system like-- turning it into the safest thing the program can handle and leaving it to the gods (rukk and desh) to try and fully put a stop to it like anti-virus-- the program is only running the world, not the beings and people in it, so itd make sense for them to stop it since when the world is ending and you can do something about it, youd probably do something about it--

since rukk and desh were gods and therefore much "closer" to the games code/programming (closer in the sense that they were much more directly tied/connected to it-- esp rukkha because of irminsul), they were able to handle the realization in a sense-- like... they knew that they werent "real" in some sense and knew that this knowledge is slowly killing them and their deaths to the knowledge that "they werent real" is inevitable and that-- in a way, the eleazar is one of the safest ways for people to handle the knowledge-- that even the world is protecting them from the ruin of it

i imagine the way the two gods processed the information was like-- thru the "corruptive qualities of forbidden knowledge" and in fragmented parts. its why i said that they only knew that they werent "real" and not that they knew that theyre a video game world-- kind of in the same vein of practically every harbinger going "the sky is fake let me tell you about it" (proceeds to not tell you about it) (dottore i love you but im still mad about it)

but if the "forbidden knowledge" is knowledge about how youre not real because youre a video game and youre not supposed to be self aware of it, how then can the harbingers handle that information without going mad or constantly dying of eleazar? i mean-- in the both the manga and in the game its pretty explicitly said that like, dottore fully stopped colleis eleazar and practically cured her of it.

so... you know how they manage to keep altered information in the form of stories in scaramouches archon quest? i think a similar case happened here-- an allegorical story about people living in a fake reality, be it a dream or a story or something, was made to preserve this information. and since it wasnt the pure unadulterated truth about the nature of this worlds existence anymore, the program could handle it and keep anyone from reading it suffering the negative effects of forbidden knowledge

pierro probably did it tbh-- in the archon quest, it was said that the events of khaenriah and the events leading to the deaths of king deshret and rukkhadevata are similar, if not exactly the same.

so how can we then tie this into SAGAU? are you still with me? did you completely forget that this is about me bullshitting the games lore so much to fit this really specific genre of genshin fandom stuff so you can make content about it? have you forgotten i write SAGAU fics? ...honestly i cant blame you for that last one if you did, i havent been writing SAGAU fic in a WHILE LMAO

ANYWAYS--

the concept of "forbidden knowledge" being used in SAGAU is really interesting which is why im writing abt it in the first place lmao-- and the concept is uber fun so this is just me helping you fit this into your own fics and fanworks

since the "forbidden knowledge" is literally just like "youre a computer program and youre not supposed to know that", y/n would DEFINITELY be able to handle it without the adverse effects. and i know that y/n is basically the equivalent of a mary sue at this point and it physically hurted me when i started writing y/n fics but-- if you think abt it, it makes sense

i am trying so hard rn to like-- not turn this into a discussion about mary sues-- just watch OSPs video on the subject and youre golden lmao

it makes sense for y/n to be able to handle it because number one: y/n is literally us. y/n is not lines of code in a program. y/n is never supposed to end up inside a program or software, and is DEFINITELY SUPER AWARE OF THE FACT THAT GENSHIN IS NOT REAL.

y/n is a human, or at least was a human before they got isekaied or whatever plot thing you decide to do to put y/n in the genshi world. y/n is human, not programming and can definitely handle the thought of "youre not real, youre a game". (lmao it could also really make for some good introspection and/or angst moments where they could philosophize about themselves now that theyre in the game, and the nature of pataphysics and all that fun stuff lmao)

i feel like-- you could also use this as like, a sort of leverage thing? to prove that you are who you say you are and, if this is impostor au, you could use it to your advantage as well in more aggressive ways-- not just as a "prove that youre the one above us all" situation but as a sort of self defence thing-- like when scara and dottore were both talking about the sky being fake thing

obviously youd be immune to eleazar and the madness of the forbidden knowledge caps and the other adverse effects-- BUT you could also inflict those things to the people and the world around you. while other characters like the fatui and the gods could say "youre fake, the world isnt real", they wont inflict the bad stuff since its like they heard the info from a friend of a friend of a friend-- the knowledge has been filtered and purified and fragmented so much that it wont do anything-- its not the full unadulterated truth

but when y/n says it, thats when it inflicts the adverse effects. its the difference between knowing something happened because you were there when it happened and witnessed it, and knowing something happened because you heard it happen from a friend who found out thru the internet. y/n fully knows the truth and intricacies of that statement on so many different levels than the characters can comprehend which is why they can do that.

i feel like it could depend with the volume and amount of people that heard-- like, if you scream it and a whole crowd hears you, the ones closest to you suffer the worst cases of eleazar ever recorded or EVEN DIE, and the severity just decreases the further it gets away from you. itd also be an instant withering zone or become something like the mud from the chasm

i also wanna say that you can "control" the spread in a way but like-- i dont see a way of making that happen tbh. if youre reading this and are getting inspo, go wild babes-- i believe in you, but i personally dont believe that y/n can control it. using the "computer virus" analogy, youd probably have to go into the essence of Teyvat itself to "delete that information" similarly to irminsul but different in the sense of like-- irminsul only put it in the recycle bin but youre going in the recycle bin, selecting all instances and deleting it. maybe you can bullshit it via leylines and abyss mage drops since they carry around leyline branches but i personally think that you just spew out forbidden knowledge, and have to go to irminsul itself to delete it

but yeah! thats my thoughs on Forbidden Knowledge in SAGAU and how it could fit into the world of the AU! making this actually like-- inspired me a bit to write again lmao-- theres just like, so many cool ass concepts in genshin that i dont see in this AU (probably because i havent been there in a while ;vjklldxfg) and i really hope you guys get inspired too :))

[ibeblizzard12]

…….……🐾🦴🖤🎀🖤🦴🐾………….

Haiii I’m Nyx!! I’m an edblr!! She/they(anything workz but they/them is preferred but idc tbh), intp/intj, in high school(my age is one of these: 14, 15, or 16),pro recovery, not pro ana, caffeine addicted virgin, aroace but idm flirting for funz, MINOR!!!, very mentally ell, not much trauma tbh, hello kitty/sanrio obsession, junkorexic, cutecore/cutegore/2020 e kid, minor aspirin addiction, insomniac, biological girl(I identify as one as well), cat person, sh, multiple mental illnesses, luvz video games like dti omori ddlc yanderesimulator sims4, usually stayz up untilz 2-5am, probably anemic, likes 2 drawz, likes 2 smoke and do drugs(usually snorts em), been in mental hospitals before, I’ve tried to kms once or twice lol, needz 24/7 distraction so I don’t think about kms, ed is a copping mechanism for meh, on antidepressants, tried therapy before doesn’t work for for meh tho cuz imz a minor, very few safe foodz, very picky, multiple personalities, brunette, youngest child, can never tell if I’m a victim(like it’s not my fault I’m this way I just have a bunch of mental problems) or the absuser(I deserve to be miserable cuz i manipulate people and I think of them as entertainment I would kill them without a second thought if I could get away with it and I wouldn’t feel guilty for it and I literally can’t feel empathy ect), underweight, hates physical touch, always eepy, hates myself :P

I AM NOT PRO ANA IM AM FUCKING PRO RECOVERY SO DONT FUCKING REPORT MEH THIS IS MY DAMN SAFE PLACE AND MY ONLINE DIARY I AM NOT TRYING TRIGGER ANYONE U ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR UR OWN TRIGGERS JUST LET ME HAVE THIS BLOG I AM VERY MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND THIS BLOG IS A WAY TO DISTRACT ME FROM MY SUI IDEATION MY MOOTS ARE ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVENT KMS YET PLZ JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND JUST BLOCK ME NO REPORTING IS NOT GOING MAKE ME RECOVER THE MORE I GET REPORTED THE MORE DEPRESSED I GET MY ED IS MY COOPING MECHANISM I KNOW ITS NOT A GOOD ONE I AM FULLY AWARE THE DANGERS OF AN ED BUT IM JUST GONNA KMS IF U KEEP REPORTING ME SO YOULL BE THE REASON I FUCKING DIE🖕

DNI-

homophobics/transphobics, misogynists, people who have mdni in their bio, under 13, 27+, creeps, pro ana people(but if ur not gonna comment anything pro ana on my posts then idm), pedifles, people in recovery(but if we’re already mootz then can still interact just not on my blog or just block the tags that ur recovering fromz), non mentally ell blogs, men if their over 21, gen alphas(I don’t count 13/14ys), people w fat or skinny or sh fetishes, people who want report meh or my mootz

(Keep reading if u wannaz know more about meh)

DIAGNOSED W-

anorexia, depression, adhd, anxiety, minor autism, minor ocd, sui ideation, arfid 

NOT DIAGNOSED BUT I MIGHT/PROBABLY HAVE-

bulimia(100% sure I have it(kinda trying to recover fromz it tho), aspd(psychopath), bipolar, DID

RANDOM MENTALLY ILLNESS SHIT ABOUT MEH-

convinced that their are multiple eyes always watching me idm why and I always draw them for some reason I feel that always watching me especially at nightz their in the wallz and in the my bl00d and my tears, since I was 9 would pretend to have an audience(like I was a YouTuber or smt) and I would talk to the audience but eventually the audience became an imaginary person/personality that I talk/think to(probably cuz I’m lonely) when ever I do something I think smt like, “we need to do blah blah blah.” I can’t stop myself from thinking we instead of I and idk if it’s normal, my eds are cooping mechanism except arfid I’ve that since was two after I choked on a certain food I would always(unintentionally) puke if my parents would try to make me eat a food I didn’t like even at the sight or smell of it so know I always think of certain foodz and meat/eggs/seafood especially w the fear that I’m just gonna puke it so I’m naturally VERY picky for the longest time I would literally only eat angle hair pasta w ketchup idc if u think itz gross it was my safe food rn my main safe food is energy drinks but I can’t have that all the timez, I have social anxiety and used to get panic attacks when I was in crowds it’s a bit better now tho, ive tried to kms before(was gonna hang myselfz) but I managed to stopz myself(it was really hard),  I’m actually quite manipulative when I want 2 be lmao, moody teenager, I have to be awake at night and keep myself distracted so thatz that thoughtz(sui stuff the eyes ect) can’t torment me so I try to stay awake until I’m too tired 2 keepz thinking

I’m am pro recovery I am not pro ana plz just leave me alone on this I’m not fat phobic I try not 2 be but keep in mind I don’t have a conscience, I really don’t care if ur fat I just have bad experiences w them cuz when I first lost weight I would constantly get skinny shamed even tho I was a perfectly healthy weight and it really got to me and contributed to meh ed cuz eventually I started seeing it as praise when people would comment on meh losing weight and now I get really anxious and sui if some doesn’t say I’m skinny tho if they say it in a mean way than I’ll get offended I get that it was out of concern and jealousy but it no one had commented on my body I would probably not have an ed rn and I would’ve watched wut I ate but not in an obsessive way. But seriously I really don’t mind if ur fat just don’t be mean to be about it just cuz I’m skinnier than u. 

Things I really likez-

video games, sleeping, watching YouTube and anime, chainsaw man, solo leveling, insatiable, arcane, death note, future diaries(tho the ending sucked), maduca magica pullea smt(I’m not gonna bother trying to write or even remember the whole name💀u get the jist of it if ya know the anime that I’m talking aboutz), I like cute things w a creepy twist(cutegore), I like cutecore and 2020 e kid fashion(I also like other alternative styles but those are the ones I likez most(pretty sure cutecore isn’t alt but wut ever), drawing, creepy eyes that are alwayz watchingz meh, hello kitty/sanrio, those alt spiky collar/bracelet thingyz, plushies, catz, dress to impress, makeup, dressing up, anime hair, knifes, bl00dz, aspirin, melatonin, bupropion, getting high, cigarettez, ultra monsters(my current fav flavor is the sugar free peach one), my room, cutecore rooms, decorating my room, going to da mall!!, waterrrr, Diet Coke, cucumbers, st4rving myselfz dont ask.

[mr-aftons-rotting-pussy]

hey sorry it's me again (<- girl who needs to go to sleep) urrhm ok walks into ur office with a stack of papers it's me secretary over apologizer

anywah rum um um th hey hi so uh looks around can weeee talk about the really big theme of nowhere to hide in the book and the game interchangeably like um. um. hi. okay so I'm literally laying in bed right now complete darkness like oh wow the characters oh wow oh wow smacks into a wall face first. and um um

okay like I just feel like god this thing with like.. yeagh.. there really is nowhere to hide from your parents ❤ that's literally the ultimate thing being a child like you can't just LEAVE and that's actually such a scary ass theme and the way the house keeps getting put on more and more lockdown in the game is like This is so alarming ❤ BUT that doesn't happen (or isnt stated) in the book, the difference in the book since u havent read it is just that oz doesn't leave for a few days because he's scared and can hear the. the thing standing outside his door all the time and it's like (steps up to microphone) WOW I LOVE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LITERALLY NOT BEINF ABLE TO JUST LEAVE AND THE MENTAL STATE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO Just Leave um and the way you run out of places to go in the game is so like ohhfmygodd sorry it's just really good like the game feels like it's suffocating that boy like u gotta get out of here because soon there will physically be no exit !! and the way the hiding minigames work ooogg ooohhh hi hey um hi sorry this game is written so beautifully it makes me physically nauseous only good fnaf game ever. uh but the hiding games not being designed like traditional hiding mechanics in games like holding a door shut or something, but stuff like oh keep the spiders away because it feels more like SORRY KID THERE'S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO OTHER THAN SIT THERE AND PRAY havr fun!!! ob my god head in hands like You can try to stop the toys or not breathe so scared but you can't physically hold a door shut because you're too little 🙁🙁😞😞😞😢 this game is so alarming I hate it not really but it's like ohntmmgdos and and and and hi hey okay so more with nowhere to hide like

I said this in my insane tags on that one post but the way that every single adult is like Oh you're so fucking strange weird little kid causing trouble . like it's not only like he can't tell anyone because he'd sound crazy but the universe being predisposed to everyone not listening to children about anything ever is like I feel like I've been punched in the face thanks like directly in the jaw my teeth r on the floorrr

like ugh I h h RATTLES BARS

um and and and looks around :c I can say more things but I just yeagh..

YEAAAAAAAA ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEFUCMING. AHHHHHH !!!!!!! thats smth i REALLY REALLY like abt into the pit like you REALLY feel like ur put into the shoes of a kid here you can only do so much while trying and experiencing shit wayyyy bigger than yourself, n it just elevates the horror bc like, obv ur oarent/someone you love being replaced by an imperfect impostir is already a scary notion. n being a CHILD TOO????? like fuckkkkk man your options r dwindling. n the way kuds r treated in society n shit as well as eveything else, oswalds just a kid, hes in sixth grade like?????? how do you deal w this???????? theres a fucking EVIL ANIMAL in your house. the world is already si scary as achild w/o all this but yhis maies it ten yimes worse, AND your home isnt even safe either. the amount if stress n trauma this kid experiences in a work week is fuxking insane hashtag justice for ozwald gotdamn.

AD AND i still xant stop thinking about the fat like. oswald is forced to relive the trauma of the events n shit that transpired a freddys, from the child victims at the pizzeria, to Michaels and the crying childs in his own home. smth smth themes of generational trauma n whatever its insane my brian explodes into ten million bloody chunks.

n what u said abt the book..... man........ imagine being holed up in ur room for days in end bc of The Thing on the other end of the door. like LITERALLY FNAF 4 SHIT GODDD. oswald reliving the trauma of the entire fnaf franchise in five nights like: INSANEEE. CRAZYYYYY.

[rosekasa]

🦉🌷🔮 for the fanfic writers game!

HANAA, JAANEMAN!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

🦉Is there another author that helped inspire you to write?

omg so many come to mind and im actually afraid that im going to miss people out because i feel like the only reason i write is because of the people i admire. between 2021-2023 i really struggled with writing for a bit, i dont know why, someone gave me nazar probably, but there are some writers who i would read COPIOUS amounts of and think, this, THIS love i feel while reading is the love i want to feel about my own work

@jattendschaton , obviously, has been one of my biggest inspirations since i was a BABY. their writing is so descriptive and evocative. so insanely detailed. studying their writing was what got me into the habit of trying to find different ways to express a sentence to see if i could get a more accurate representation of the feeling i wanted to convey

@frostedpuffs and @lnc2 were the first ml writers i ever read <3 i didnt even know i wanted to write fic at the time! honestly a lot of my earlier characterisations/ways of writing are heavily inspired by their works because i was so obsessed with them! they made me want to start posting on ml ao3 in the first place

@xiueryn , i downloaded a bunch of yilena's fics onto my kindle in late 2022 and fucking DEVOURED them. i hadn't really been reading longer ml fics at all at the time but yilena's... i could not stop. their worldbuilding, their pacing, the way they make writing 40k+ word fics seem almost effortless? it became a joke with my irl best friend because i would literally randomly say "oh yilena you legend" while readingsdjkfhsd

@miabrown007, i read seven is a lucky number and it RUINED me for life. i dont know why this is what keeps coming to mind, but in her a/ns she mentioned that she HAD to end the word count on a multiple of seven, and i was like, oh my god, she puts so much structural thought into her stories. meeting her irl and hearing her talk about her writing process in detail was an out of body experience. that day itself i wanted to finish a multichapter

@asukiess, if loving ao3 user asukiess was a cult i would run it. i read tbsym and it really slapped me in the face because, having encountered it at a time where i felt like i ran out of any and all ability to be unique and creative with ml, i was like, oh my god, this person just wrote 10k+ words about. kuro neko?? a twenty minute episode? and she got SO MUCH out of it? and it hit me that like. if you love something enough you WILL find a way to create more out of it.

🌷What's one of your fics that isn't as popular, but you hold dear?

i have all my stats turned off on ao3 so i havent actually had that feeling of "aw i love this fic i wrote but it didnt really get popular" in like. three years sdjfhdsjkfds but checking my stats now, hmm. maybe ya'aburnee? which is funny because although it has fewer kudos than my other fics it's also the fic that people who i meet in the fandom yell at me for the most. at the mcm ml meetup a friend who came was like "HOW ARE U COMPLAINING ABOUT MCD YOU LITERALLY WROTE IT" and i so vehemently was like NO I LITERALLY DIDNT WHEN and they were like??? are u fucking stupid. it was great

🔮What's your favorite plot twist you've ever written?

the plot twist to ya'aburnee was a banger in the outlines but i feel like i didnt execute it that well in the actual fic. but lpoam i think was my FAVOURITE favourite. i even cried while writing the death scenesfdjshd

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

WHAT TERRIBLE THINGS ARE YOU DOING TO MY BUG [mallrad] [i saw ur repost of nhw mal lmao]

I NEEEEED INFROMATION RN PLEASE FEEL FREE TO INFODUMP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT PLEASE

HI KOI!!!!!!!!!! sorry this has taken me forever to answer ive had a busy work week ouagh. but its MAL TIME NOW. well. technically amity time bc im gonna talk about the setting in general because i love it. whatever go my scarab!

IM GOING TO ANSWER THIS ASSUMING U KNOW WHAT NHW IS. IF YOU DONT IM SO SORRY but also the masterpost is HERE which has basically all the context u need i think.

awesome place to start is reading This Post because it basically lays out the essentials for amity in general and gives you a good idea of their whole deal (theres also this one. which is a joke. but its my favorite ever and i think you will appreciate the clarence)

since i mostly ran thru the basics of their plot timeline super quick in that post i can get into details in this one :] putting a lot of it under the cut so its not 12 miles long hehe

i really like leaving a lot of the amity stuff to be mystery partially because it will literally NEVER come up in the "canon timeline" or whatever since it all happened x number of years ago and partially because giving it an air of mystery makes it seem more myth/legend than anything concrete. which!! since its supposed to be the nhw equivalent of the spirit world i love the idea that its vague and mysterious and hard to comprehend that the Chaos Zone (colloquial name for the quarantine area around the city where they keep the trickster trapped) used to be like. a relatively peaceful idyllic city with only a small handful of capes and not a lot of action. that being said i do in fact have clam flavored brain worms which means i cannot help thinking about clarence and mal in so much detail that is SO unnecessary to the rest of the story other than serving to make what happened to them more tragic.

ANYWAY. all that being said that is my excuse for not having any solid ideas on mals trigger event. ive kind of played around with the idea that he's a case 53 (cauldron dropped him into the city mid-ghoul transformation and full of amnesia so he had. basically no identity before then and no idea where or who or what he was so he just kind of started breaking things) but honestly i havent thought abt it all that much bc its just not that important. either way. he started out as an unaffiliated rogue/villain. as ghoul, he was in his brute form like 90% of the time and behaved pretty much like a less cannibalistic venom. just kind of like. causing damage just because he can. really the ONLY two capes in amity at the time were Whisperer (clarence) and Afterlife (duck) (<< first duck mention btw!). Afterlife is a lot more apathetic to things like this (hes old. hes tired. hes survived WELL past the cape life expectancy but theres no real protocol for capes retiring because usually they just. die. so hes still here) and he really only responds to things he deems an emergency, and some rando causing property damage isnt enough to put ghoul on his radar. so that left Whisperer to deal with him. his powers are very nonviolent non-confrontational so his way of dealing with villains is to use his. basically tranquilizer powers to get them to stop doing whatever theyre doing (its a good thing amity is peaceful. this is NOT a. super great awesome offensive power and he can get very easily overwhelmed against more than one target). so he does this to Ghoul and since his he's a new cape and is not fully under control of his changer powers yet, his brute form drops as soon as hes calm and hes just. some sad disheveled looking guy.

so clarence sees this guy who is just. so incredibly lost. whether thats because of case 53 amnesia or like. post-trigger, post-changer state disorientation, hes just. like. pathetic. hes not being a villain because hes evil hes just doing things because he doesnt know what else to do. so clarence, who is way too kindhearted for his own good, offers to help him. and mal, who has probably never given this sort of softness in his life. just immediately fucking melts into it. of course he accepts that offer he has nothing else to do! he doesnt really care about being a hero or a villain or anything like that (having a morality crisis is boring and a waste of time) but this man is literally glowing and offering him a hand to hold and a purpose and something other than just mindless destruction

so mal drops the name Ghoul and gets his changer powers better under control and properly develops his master powers instead of his brute powers and becomes what essentially ends up being Whisperer's sidekick under the new name Purgatory (which. i really made on a whim at the time but now that i have had time to think about it really has a lot of significance to his character and state of mind and it makes me SICK)

mal has a sort of hero worship crush on clarence like. thats His Hero. thats the guy who picked him up off the ground and helped him stand out of the kindness of his heart and they know each other out of costume now and even in his civilian life clarence is funny and laid back and so easy to talk to and. mal is not those things. god he is so down bad. relationship wise i will point to this convo which i still stand by

but i think like. both in and out of costume theyre kind of inseparable. mal is like. suuuper super protective over clarence to the point where its kind of an intimidation factor to other people. scary dog privilege or whatever. i like to refer to it as like... if clarence was a prince mal would be his loyal knight. if mal was an animal he would be a falcon (fast, sharp, dangerous, always returns to its master etc etc etc).

its also really important to me that clarence DOES NOT see their relationship like this at all he is so. oblivious. or if hes not oblivious he just doesnt do anything about it or puts it out of his mind or whatever. i think one of clarences big flaws is that hes almost too laid back about certain things that he maybe should care about a little more? big "itll be fine" in situations where things . PROBABLY will not be fine if he doesnt do something about it. so while he doesnt really purposefully encourage mals weird hero worship with him he also doesnt really do anything to dissuade it either. so thats how we get to. where we get to. with them. ouhghhh boy.

i already talked abt this pretty in depth in the other post but trickster appears, kills clarence in front of mal, and it just BREAKS something fundamental in him. once the trickster throws him out of the city i think the prt has to drag him away kicking and screaming because theres NO way he would willingly walk away from that (ESPECIALLY because... clarence's body is still there. he never got a proper funeral or burial or anything hes just.... there on the street or on the roof of a building like hes nothing). they probably put him in some kind of custody which he inevitably breaks out of and goes out on his own. i think he tries to go back to the city only to find the walls already in place and no way to get in without fighting a LOT of soldiers and ripping through a lot of anti-cape measures. which he is emotionally willing to do, but hes not stupid. he knows he needs backup. so he seeks out the worlds most dangerous most awful notorious capes ever. and thats how he ends up with the slaughterhouse 9! his eventual goal with them is to manipulate them into helping him get back into amity and kill the trickster. which is OBVIOUSLY not how things turn out, but thats his motivation at least.

when wraith ends up in the public eye with the new haven wards and his costume is sooooo so eerily close to the whisperer, mal kind of Leaves the s9 for a bit? hes still a member and everything, he doesnt actively quit or betray them or anything bc thats like asking to get killed, but he stops travelling with them in order to. whats the nicest way i can say this. research? the wards. specifically wraith. that little unhinged piece of his mind that snapped when clarence was killed gives him this horrible idea that wraith is just.. clarence reincarnated. its probably been close to 20ish years since the amity incident at this point, so the timing even lines up close enough for him to be convinced. so that starts his weird obsession with william, which eventually involves him nominating william as a potential candidate to join the s9 in the trials (william has a Complex about this) and other fucked up things like the tide fridge (<< our loving name for when mal kidnaps tide and keeps him in jars or whatever in the spirit world in canon etc)

hes my favorite fucked up little guy!!!!!!! i hate him so much i want to hit him with hammers but also ive had a specific stained glass art piece depicting the biblical purgatory that i really want to draw as him and clarence so like. take that as you will. im obsessed with them i think abt them so much even though clarence has like no bearing on the actual plot of nhw since the whole "william is the next whisperer" thing is nonexistent. i got distracted writing this a FEW times so i maybe forgot some things so if theres anything else u want to know about them... hmu. i love 2 talk abt them so much <3

[shadowscommand]

Hello.. can we get more ghostmace headcanons. If you ever wrote any pls link them too...

:)c YESSS i love talking abt maceghost.. i know ive made a bunch of sporadic posts about them but i havent done a like dedicated hcs post. i feel like often im struggling to understand the narrative of their past but generally i keep the same vibe to it all.

mace is for sure the more level headed of the two only because relationships and love freak ghost out. ive mentioned on a post like years ago hes traumatized by watching his mother stick with his father and i still believe this. hes like scared to be in a position where something Isn't working anymore but hes too emotional to cut it off so he self sabotages the relationship so mace will get pissed and stop talking to him.

in the past (as i mentioned in another post) mace Did also feed into this. he had a good home life but his own personal issues and anger at more outward issues caused him to like. seek an outlet for this sort of petty squabbling. and he found it in ghost. until he got tired of festering and being pissed off all the time and decided to actually like Do Shit he feels good about. and he broke up with ghost.

now in modern times where theyve caught up with each other it's like a weird mash of their past and them both being more mature. ghost struggles more because hes very adverse to actually improving himself and how he feels about himself bc hes like. hes Given Up on being a person. while mace has done a lot of healing.

like the toxic factor of maceghost Is Ghost at this point to me. but theres a lot of love there bc theres a lot of mutual respect and, like, easy familiarity there. mace understands how ghost works at his core.

so like. when ghost is being Normal and not anxious they literally just. like. Click? mace can extremely put ghost at ease with just his presence. and mace in turn rly enjoys his company bc a calm ghost is actually just sort of casually funny.

and ghost does like making mace laugh i imagine mace has a really beautiful smile bc he has resting bitch face so when it lights up it's very special.

ghost also i think would be 100% willing to take his mask off in a room of just him and mace. no special occasion needed he's just comforted. mace has already seen it over many, many years.

because they're like an Old couple i think theyve been on and off since their mid twenties for ghost and late twenties for mace. WHICH is another reason mace like wont entertain the childish picking ghost does theyre literally too old.

but he does play along a little. sometimes. old habits die hard. if it's petty mace will have a back and forth w ghost for old times sake its just how ghost communicates sometimes. emotions are just hard for ghost mace understands this. to put all of this simply.

i will say tho if more comes out and they end up more antagonistic than my current read i will still be a huge stan i love when dudes try to fuck and kill each other 💪🥰💕

speaking of fucking tho. tw for implying sexual assault also i just got kinda nasty sowwy.

LIKE we know ghost has a complicated relationship w sex a lot of his past history w it is like traumatic. i think he was already promiscuous as a teen bc he already had issues from his upbringing so hes like. well experienced. and he likes sex. and he likes fucking mace bc his dick is thick, hes good with his hands, and he's not afraid to be rough with him and take their time bc mace likes to be edged and when ghost is rly into it he Likes it to Last esp if he can cum more than once. he likes when his pussy is sore.

BUT ALSOO theyre both like. verse esp w each other. ghost likes topping more tho. he likes fucking mace for being a little bit vocal and just. like. huge. ghost loves bending him over and watching his fat bounce. ghost would blow off any task and anyone to go fuck him.

but also, bc its ghost and i think if the wrong buttons get pressed in the wrong order and it goes sour he gets quiet and, like, disassociates. and mace keeps watch for that bc he doesn't want to put ghost in that state. its not fun

[basil-appreciation-comic]

IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished

while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends

it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow

also some art i never posted

(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)

i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)

remove the swearing that was so stupid

make omori mute (and probably use sign language)

omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it

he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time

literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful

the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand

make it shorter why did i think that would work out

id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things

it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space

the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that

stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7

and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it

so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.

[nereidprinc3ss]

hii! i’m a small fanfic writer and i haven’t written in months. i just wanted to ask how do you keep yourself motivated?

(warning i’m abt to start yapping)

i get embarrassed when i write about certain characters bc i feel like i don’t characterize them well or im doing something wrong, and honestly i don’t know how to get my motivation back

i just wanna write abt our boy genius but idk where to start anymore 😕

well honestly i’ve never maintained an interest for as long as i have w reid/cm in general and while it does fluctuate in intensity i genuinely can’t explain why im still enthralled after over a year. like i have always been the person to get grotesquely obsessed with something and then find myself suddenly disgusted with it after like a month or two, so my interest being maintained in this dumb show is honestly like pure luck i guess lol and the fact that i havent hyperfixated on anything else since then? very very odd idk why that happened! anyway more below

also i just love writing, like i have loved writing my entire life long before i wrote fanfic and long before i wrote reid fanfic, so i think the fact that writing is so inextricably a part of who i am makes it easier for me to stay motivated because it’s not like my love of writing is contingent on my continued obsession with the character if that makes sense?

honestly just write him until you feel like you get him right, watch the show and study his mannerisms/how he talks, and write what YOU want to read, that’s super important, inspiration is easiest to tap into when it comes from inside yourself and not based on what you think others would like

it doesn’t need to be perfect there are a million ways to interpret a character!

and my best advice for writers block is to go back like ten lines and change whatever happened because when im most inspired the story literally forms itself and I don’t have to really stop and think about it very much as i go, so if i come to a dead end i just turn around and go a different direction!

but also sometimes you just truly may not have any ideas for a character or not have anything to say about them for the moment and that’s totally okay. in that case i go back and work on drafts or just read drafts, read my favorite fics, watch the show, and don’t force myself to write if it’s just not happening cause there’s no reason to do that

and also idk if this is universal but whenever i set hard and fast dates for myself to get a chapter done by or something i get scared and feel pressured and just completely abandon the whole thing so setting hard dates does not work for me at all and actually turns me off of writing so much

so that’s my advice!! i hope it was helpful<3

[nonbinarygamzee]

this like. really isnt even about hs2 (in the sense i have literally not read the new stuff and do not really plan to for my own sanity. and also take into account i am mostly just taking my emotional issues out on homestuck because im feeling very raw about it and life lately.) but good god i just cannot stand the idea of letting this beast crawl out of the grave AGAIN. i respect some of the ppl working on the newest thing and ofc hope it doesnt devolve into harassment all over butttttttt also. how many times do we watch a monster reanimate itself. its like since the damn thing ended ive been yelling to anyone who will listen about how it needs to stay dead in the ground AT ALL COSTS!!!! it needs to die to give people a chance to truly learn from it. and in the same way my silly little cope back in the day of talking about hating hs sincerely while being very invested in it got muddled and twisted when ironically insulting your interests became like The Thing, i feel like everyone thinks i am being SILLY or HYPERBOLIC and i am NOT!!!!! it is not even about the content of post canon, for all of the problems i have with it, it really never Has been. There are parts of the epilogues i actually think are compelling and expansive but that is not part of the conversation to me. the entire precedent for why i feel how i do is that it is a fundamentally flawed and dishonest move to spend literal years antagonizing your audience, overlooking if not outright facilitating abuse and harassment in pockets where "audience" and "friend" and "writer" all became deeply enmeshed labels that emboldened people to endear themselves and their interpretations to whatever you projected as "rightness" at the expense of their peers. only to like... wipe your hands of it once it stopped being the means of which to make a ridiculous amount of internet dollars and started to be like an actual problem for you and the longevity of your reputation as a creative. it couldve been the best written shit in the world and that would never have made up for how bullshit of an idea of swearing "im not the boss of canon anymore guys" while literally Still continuing to make things that not only continue to establish a canonicity but that continue to undermine alternative readings of previous events is. sometimes i think about the whole sarah z lawsuit shit and wonder how everything didnt just dissolve afterwards but really isnt this just the perfect internetspace for people to get away with being that boldfaced about throwing legal threats around to stroke their own egos? havent we been reared from day one to care more for whether people are clever and haughty before we care about whether they are literally openly trying to exert control and harassment?

[achoshistor]

[ff7cc] is this symbolistic?

ff7cc SPOILER until like ch 6 (but really a ffvii spoiler bc thats the only reason how i know what happens next)

i need to WRITE WRITE WRITE. every essay i write now sounds like garbage to me. same with music tbh i havent played a full song in over two years now and its honestly kind of sad but i have no motivation. it feels like my fingers dont work like they did before and im too easy to give up on things bc i literally made it through the first time so it should be easier the second time but im lowkey really busy (100% procrastinating on calc) but im like whatever i need to get it all out of my head. im really shocked people read the last brainrot post like wow people are really seeing whats going on in here.

anyways ive been listening to the cc(r) ost while studying (around up to right before nibelheim because i want to make a flower wagon for my beautiful queen Aerith (i dont get the hate? madame M calling her homely like WHO's homley? wait lmfaoo off topic but why was cloud whimpering and moaning during the scene i had to take my headphones off cause i couldnt take it anymore...)) i should start a medium account and write like those pretentious tech bros that say things like "college is for LOSERS!" (ur going to a top school for cs?) (i didn't really like that guy cause he was lowkey weird too) but i think it'd be really funny. lowkey i forgot where i was going with this because the parenthesis reminded me of the chain rule which reminded me of that guy but anyways back to the main point...

I usually listen to game osts when studying (lie im listening to deftones right now) but the track "True Motives" (ill link it somewhere here) when genesis and angeal beat up sephiroth lowkey got me thinking during calc practice... like theres three instruments (piano cello violin) and its got a call and response format but its like all three are doing that (i told you i havent touched anything music related in a long while LOL sorry if the terminology is wrong). in the cutscene we start out with sephiroth with the violin and then like half a second later we get the piano take the upper with the cello playing the secondary melody? but the violin immediately kicks in... TBH i wonder then since im assuming sephiroth is the in between since hes "still around"—i dunno what happened to angeal—im at the point where ive killed the angeal creature but zach mentions him being possibly around and im assuming genesis is a total goner cause hes not around for anything else afaik (or he might im not that well versed in ffvii canon) and angeal reminded me a little too much of sonon so im gonna assume hes dead. as we know violin = treble cello = bass piano = both so i guess genesis = violin and angeal = cello just cause they seem like that to me. right when sephiroth pushes angeal back and genesis is about to go crazy the piano and violin lowkey come in and cello is just playing the bass notes for tha chords and the last half is lowkey just piano and violin plus a little cello right before angeal tries to stop genesis and gets thrown off into the junon sea or whatever u call it (i lost the submarine mini game in vii and i had to look up help and every tutorial was like " youre a total IDIOT if you failed this..."). maybe this is a whole lot of nothing and im just mkaing things up.

anyways thats enough for today i think. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[ericstoltz]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[lostusagis]

Aaaaah! Is it Shower Dee With Love Day?! Well it IS Munday heheh! *Taps on mic* Ahem. Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Ok so first I'd like to say...

YOU'RE AMAZING!!! 🎤😊

I'm so happy to have met you. I still think about it so tenderly to this day. I'm really really happy to have you not only as my rp partner but also as my precious friend ❤️ You're my favorite person to see on the dash! Anytime you reblog or post something, I can't help but send you my support by giving a like or a comment or both~! You're so fun to write with and super sweet and funny and talented and smart and considerate and patient and supportive and kind and caring and- *BREATHES* I just think ur neat :) SUPER NEAT!!!

You put so many wonderful writing ingredients into all your muses and I want to eat all of them in one big pot of soup... Yes I want to eat them wyd about it? JNHBYUGTCFRTFYVUBHINJ LIKE I REALLY LOVE LEARNING ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOUR MUSES! It's why I always like to send headcanon asks. Your answers are always so good and interesting and I can't get enough!

You deserve all the support and love and recognition like fr people are MISSING OOOOOOUUUUUUUUT!!! I absolutely adore you and our interactions and I'll never stop expressing that. ALSO PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE POST THOSE DRABBLES I KNOW YOU HAVE THOSE GEMS DRAFTED I KNOW YOU DO DON'T HIDE THEM FROM ME THEY'RE CARRYING DUST OVER THERE THOSE FUCKING GEMS NEED TO BE SEEN I TELL YOU SEEN!!! Haha sorry I just love reading your drabbles like seriously I'm your #1 fan! I love your writing and your ideas a lot! Always the best stuff aaaahhhhh. Ok but srsly no pressure about posting those drabbles if ur not ready, but just letting you know that if you have doubts on them just know that they always come out great in the end ♡ I can tell you put so much thought and detail into writing them. It really does shine through. Actually, it's because of you that I ever wrote drabbles here for the first time! I've done a lot of first times here on this blog because of you, in fact. You inspire me in many ways, Dee! 😊

Haha sorry this got long wow. I could go on and on tbh, but basically you're the best and ily so so so so so soooooooooooo much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

( its 5am and im fucking skdjdjs gonna cry. you really know how to make me emotional huh? I really needed this though thanks. since as of late I've been hating my writing a lot. But man, you're honestly my favorite to see on the dash too. All those feelings are mutual. I LOVE seeing your reactions to my replies or asks, i always look forward to seeing that hahaha. And i definitely always wanna show my support to you too. I like seeing the stuff you rb related to Namida's character, helps me get a better understanding of her y'know? I adore her so much. I want to kiss her on the forehead and hug her tightly and tell her how amazing she is.

You're also super fun to write with, MAN. I still go through old threads and reread. That's how much every interaction was soooo great for me. But you're literally so sweet... So so kind. You're one of the few people I'm confident is interested in my writing & muses. Never had any doubts about that literally. I know I'd literally die for yours. Hmu if you ever write a book I'd buy that shit quick. Every reply, every ask, it's like a dessert. You've truly given me the best rp experience ever. And i wanna do my best to give you a good experience as well because im as invested in your content as you are in mine. You're awesome, amazing, so, so talented and creative. You're also such a great friend, thanks especially for sending me messages currently since it's just been rough haha. Just... Thanks for everything. I've had tough moments on this blog but having you as a mutual is why it still remains :))

But AAAA the ones i havent posted are unfinished, since i keep getting stuck or lose confidence in what I'm writing. I know i started the one i mentioned where the siblings talk about namida recently I'll try focusing on that next. You remain the only reason i still consider posting drabbles ajdjdjsksjd thanks i know i always look forward to your comments on them. But DUDE I'd love to read any other drabbles you'll write. I think so far you wrote the one where Namida got really upset and made a mess in her room & the really smutty one. I really wanna reread the first one so if you have a link pls send i read the most recent one a couple times already jesus. So good. Top tier stuff. Also if i forgot any others you posted please lmk 😩 but also just for u I'll make sure to try finishing more drabbles.

Thanks so much for being such a good friend / rp partner. Sending good vibes to you as well. You made me really happy by sending this sorry if its a jumbled mess ily )