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northwest-cryptid · 5 months ago

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Sometimes I'm reminded of the time I got hundreds of people to become Affiliates on Twitch by literally leading a very simple operation to boost these people's channels, only to watch twitter do what it does best and immediately implode on itself ensuring these accounts went right back to square one a week later.

Allow me to explain;

For those who don't know, the affiliate requirements are fairly simple and are as follows:

You must stream for at least 1 week on different days.

You must have at least 50 followers.

You must have an average of at least 3 viewers

There's some very small hourly requirement like must stream for a total of 8 hours total for a week or something.

The important two we're focused on are the 50 followers, and 3 average viewers. This is one of the biggest hurdles that a new streamer faces, why?

Because when you're not an affiliate, Twitch doesn't allow you to do anything that would actually give your stream interaction and charm. In other words, they actively make it difficult for you to build an audience unless you already have one. You don't get channel points, you don't get emotes; no one can sub to your channel.

So how did I ensure that hundreds of people suddenly became affiliate? Did I use bots to spam their accounts with follows and views? No. It was far easier than that, I made 1 post; asking a simple question...

"If there's so many of us who are struggling to get to affiliate, specifically in part due to the follower goal; why the hell don't we actually support each other?"

The plan was simple, I had created a twitter thread with one simple goal, I drop my twitch link, and everyone else comments and drops theirs in the comment they leave. I directly stated that this is not follow for follow, that I would follow, every single person who dropped a link in the comments; and that I urged the others to do the same. I explained that I would even watch their streams if even just to lurk. This would help get their average over 3 viewers.

It worked.

Not only did I jump from about 30 followers to over 300 (this was long before my current Vtuber channel mind you) but I was able to easily hit the goal of 3 average viewers; I got affiliate in the morning. As did many, many others. I would get new comments daily explaining how this was "real king shit" and how I was "a chad" for putting this all together. That praise never sat right with me, but I didn't want to seem like I didn't appreciate what they were trying to say.

Here's the thing though, none of them actually bothered to keep up with each other, I had followed all of them, I saw when they were live and I saw how many viewers they had. Not one of them averaged above 3 - 5 viewers after the first week.

This is likely due to the fact they didn't see the potential in long term support. Allow me to explain that Partner, a significant tier above Affiliate is much the same requirement wise, but requires an average of 75 viewers and far more followers. We easily had the follower numbers but viewers? You couldn't keep those, because everyone had already gotten their affiliate and figured that was more than enough.

This is why I have so much issue with "vtuber twitter" it festers on this concept of "I got mine." People scramble to throw their hat into the ring on drama when it makes them look good, they'll partake in follow for follow; they'll jump in on clear engagement bait just to put themselves in front of others.

Why would they do that? Because it gets them views? No, because it doesn't. It gets them Twitter Followers, and that makes them feel like a bigger streamer.

Look, actually getting viewer numbers is hard; it takes effort, it takes production quality, it takes being unique in some way. These people do not want to put all that effort into it, they want to be a popular streamer, they want to boast about having 1k followers and such, and it's easier to get that with quick flash in the pan tactics that get you "yours" and then get you out.

I hear about people who flaunt their jiggle physics and flirt with an audience but then get annoyed when their audience flirts back; now I'm not going to stand here and say sexual harassment is ever warranted. Though I will say I don't know what you expect when you market and advertise yourself as "that kind" of streamer. If you don't like the way you're treated when you market yourself as a sex object, maybe stop marketing yourself as a sex object because then it's actually the fault of the consumer.

I tried to neglect distancing myself from an audience, I found that things got too personal too quickly, people didn't take me seriously as a streamer and a lot of what came up was actively damaging to me. So I explained the situation, and I did a redebut; I restarted and I made my boundaries a lot more clear; I had to put my foot down and take a step back but I will admit that I created an atmosphere where I let that happen. I shouldn't have done that, and I learned from it.

I don't condone the harassment of a streamer, obviously that's not okay. However if you're going to post pictures of your models boobs on social media, tell everyone you're hot and they should admire you, and then say "hey I get uncomfortable when people think I'm something to be admired sexually." I do need you to understand that it's not like they're doing that out of the blue, so if you continue to do it; I assume you're at least expecting those kinds of results.

That's not to say streamers (primarily women and trans women (which is redundant because they are women) ) don't get a lot of out of pocket comments and admiration they don't ask for. I don't want anyone getting it twisted, if you don't market yourself as a sex icon, and people treat you like some kind of sex object. Yea that's on your audience 100% and that's not okay and I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

If you're treating yourself as a sex icon, marketing yourself as being thicc and fuckable, and then going "wow why do all my viewers treat me like I'm some bimbo" and then immediately after come out on stream and call yourself a bimbo; I think you might actually know why your viewers act that way. I think you understand you're doing it for the viewership and simply don't enjoy it but don't want to stop doing it because you enjoy the numbers it brings in. That confliction is fine, just be honest about it at least to yourself and your fellow streamers.

My point with all of this is that, this isn't just a sexual thing; it's not just a drama thing, it's an everything thing. If I go on twitter right now I see a ton of vtubers sticking their noses into other people's business. A ton of it that they otherwise wouldn't comment on but it's easy for them to put themselves in front of a bunch of people and be the good guy; it's free publicity.

You'll see vtubers who have "don't talk about politics" in their chat rules, and then on their actual twitter account they're doing nothing but talking very passionately about politics. Both of these things are fine on their own, but feel hypocritical when viewed together. You don't want people to talk politics on your streams because you understand it might make some people uncomfortable, but you're more than willing to do that yourself when you think you can profit from it.

To give you an idea of how absolutely two faced these people are, when I tried to come out as NB to my team; we thought it was really funny because the team was 2 men, 2 women; and me. I was essentially the balancing act of the party, I could hang with the boys but I could also be part of girls night.

However, one of the more popular women in our team spoke up that night explaining she never saw me as anything other than a man. She didn't believe in NB people even existing. So wouldn't you know it's kind of surprising to see that the very next week she suddenly decided to come out as NB and say she now went by She/They and in case you think I've been misgendering her this whole time; rest assured she "vastly preferred she/her but SOMETIMES used they/them." She also left the team and blocked me, cutting all ties to me and the others.

Again, they don't actually care about what they're saying; they're saying it because they see it as a potential for cheap, fast, easy growth for little to no effort. Growth however that only applies to Twitter, and growth that comes from other vtubers who will actively not check you out and show up to your streams because they view it as a competition and not entertainment.

Twitter Vtubers don't understand that streaming isn't about me and you locked in some heated battle for who can steal the most views. It's about us both as entertainers; providing an experience tailored to our audiences to, you know; entertain them. The idea being that we form a sort of mutually beneficial relationship with our audiences; I bring you entertainment that is designed with your interests in mind; you toss me some donations so I can keep a roof over my head and continue to provide you with specifically tailor made entertainment.

Congratulations, you're my paycheck and I'm your personal Markiplier or you know, whoever you like to watch.

Now you might hear that and go "what you see me as a wallet?!" To which I need to say, no more than you see me as a dancing monkey who doesn't need to eat and can supply you with endless tailor made entertainment and personal attention. Is that how you see your favorite streamer?

The time, effort, and personal attention I spend on you as an audience is repaid in kind via subscriptions, viewership (when I can run ads without getting complaints), and essentially an active chat.

We support each other, and that allows us both to "win" and guess what, it's no different from streamer to streamer.

At least, it shouldn't be.

If you and I are both streamers, and we enjoy one another's company and content, then it's a great chance for us to actually grow alongside each other. If you're popping into my stream, checking out the games I play; saying hi to my audience, and generally being someone who my audience and I are familiar with. To which I do the same in your streams with your audience and the games you play. Now our audiences are familiar with one another, if I decide to raid you it's far more likely my audience will actually follow and stick around because they already know you. This also tells your viewers that I'm a streamer and that they could check me out since they've seen me in your chat.

Long term continued support of one another means we grow together, cutthroat rivalry only ensures our mutual destruction and isolation.

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its-a-spn-thing · 6 years ago

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It’s Just The Wind

Title: It’s Just The Wind

Summary: The reader and John live together, but when he leaves to go on a hunt, you have the apartment to yourself. During an intense wind storm, you get a surprise visitor

Pairing: John x Reader

Warnings / Rating: 18+ only please. Smut. Fluff. Possible burglar? Teasing. Extra fluffy and sexy John

Word Count: 4,171

A/N: I know John is not fluffy in canon. I just like to fantasize about a caring, fluffy John Winchester. I hope you do, too!

Beta’d by the lovely @bobasheebaby

Here’s my masterlist

Read this fic on AO3

The couch was beginning to form an indent in the shape of your behind when you finally decided to get up and make yourself something to eat. You hummed the theme song to Dexter as you dragged your slippered feet across the tile floors of the kitchen. When you opened the fridge, you saw a post-it note stuck to the two-liter bottle of Diet Pepsi. He must have known that was the first thing you were going to reach for.

You smiled to yourself, ripping the yellow note from the plastic bottle. “Y/N,” the note was written sloppily. You could tell it was rushed, but also thoughtful. “Please don’t forget to eat while I’m gone. Something that doesn’t come in a package. I’ll be back as soon as I can. John.”

You bit your lip and chuckled to yourself, bringing the sticky note to your bra-lass chest, knowing that he really cared for you.

When you finally heated up a Lean Cuisine, even though John specifically asked you to eat a real meal, you scurried back to the couch. You set the glass of diet Pepsi on the end table, along with the steaming plastic bowl of low-fat chicken alfredo. When you sat down, you covered yourself with the blanket that you threw to the other side of the couch. It was still warm, thank God because your living room couldn’t seem to warm up.

It didn’t take long for your dinner to cool-off, and as you ate, you flicked through Netflix to find something to watch. You’ve watched the entire first season of Dexter, you needed a break, seeing as how this was the second time you’ve watched the show. How I Met Your Mother popped up, and you decided to put that on. You needed something mindless.

A few episodes in, the wind began to howl and the tree in front of the window was quaking against the glass. You hated wind, especially when you were home alone. When you were a child, wind and thunder terrified you and that fear followed you into adulthood. You thought back to your childhood home, waking your parents up out of a sound sleep because you swore you heard a scary noise. Your mother would tell you that it was “just the wind” but you never believed her.

Now, the floors in your old apartment would creek with the smallest bit of wind. When the furnace would kick on, or the ice machine would whir, you always got scared. That was the great part about having John around. You scared easily, and he was always there to comfort you. Right now, though, you wished he wasn’t out on a hunt. It was ironic that your entire life your parents told you that there was no such thing as ghosts, or boogeymen, and now you were dating someone who hunted those things you were told didn’t exist.

You weren’t interested in hunting. You were interested in the lore, though. So you were the brains and John was the brawn. He would tell you if something came up, something strange, and you would do research on the case. Even though John was a seasoned hunter, he enjoyed the help. Usually he would sip on his beer at the kitchen table and watch you on the other side of the table with your nose buried in your MacBook.

You thought back to the first time the two of you figured out how your system would work. He was tired, he just got done hunting a Rugaru outside of Denver. Exhausted was an understatement for how he was feeling that night. He was still covered in blood and dirt, but he was gone for a few days. He wanted to stay up and spend some time with you.

The brightness of your laptop shadowed your face, the reflection of the website you were on reflected in your eyes. John smirked his perfect white teeth, and licked his lips before bringing the bottle of Bud Light to his freshly moistened lips. You noticed his smile, and looked up at him without lifting your head at all.

You cleared your throat, and looked back down to the computer screen. “Something funny, Winchester?” He smiled once more, somewhat wider this time, his dimples sinking in but barely noticeable. They had been almost completely covered by his salt and pepper beard. “No, nothing’s funny sweetheart.” You raised one of your eyebrows, puzzled by what he could possibly be smiling about. He just got back from hunting a Rugaru, alone, and now he was looking for a nest of vampires. You thought he should have been more on edge. Not John though. He always kept it calm, cool and collected.

“Just,” he paused, trying to find the right words to say, “just thinking about how we should make this a thing.” He took another sip of Bud Light.

That night was the first time the two of you made love. And it was so good, that the two of you didn’t want anyone else. It was just the two of you. You were a team.

Now though, you were lonely. Snuggling with your blanket, listening to the howling of the winds that were now getting stronger. The windows in your place were creaking, and the weather app on your phone said that the wind gusts were expected to go up to 75 miles per hour.

Your eyes widened when you saw the time. It was almost midnight. “Shit.” You paused the episode of How I Met Your Mother, got up and locked the door, turned the lights and TV off, and moved into your bedroom. You pulled the comforter of your queen sized bed to the side and slid in. You reached for your Roku remote on the nightstand as you covered yourself up with the comforter. The episode of How I Met Your Mother resumed, and about five minutes in, you drifted into sleep.

You dreamt of John for what seemed like hours before the loud crackles of thunder and bright flashes of lightning flashed through the blinds of your bedroom. You couldn’t have been asleep that long because Netflix was still playing. It hadn’t asked if you were still watching. You reached over for your phone, but it was dead because you had forgotten to plug it in before falling asleep.

You sighed and pulled the blankets off, plugged your phone in, and walked to the living room to check the clock on the cable box. 1:36 a.m.

The rain and branches were tapping against the glass. The lightning was getting brighter, and the thunder was getting louder. There was no chance in hell that you were falling back asleep, so you put on a pot of coffee and came to grips with the fact that going back to dreaming of your man was out of the question.

You missed him. You thought of him as you sipped your coffee on the couch. You didn’t care to watch any more TV, so you just sat with your legs tucked underneath you, watching as the rain drops covered the windows.

It didn’t take long for your coffee to cause pressure on your bladder, so you set the mug down on the end table and got up to use the restroom. The porcelain was cold against the flesh of your ass, so you made it as quick as possible. You turned the light off to the bathroom and made your way back to the couch until you heard a rustling at your apartment door. Panic struck and you quickly, yet quietly, ran to your bedroom, locking the door behind you.

John told you to always keep something for protection close by. He offered to give you one of his guns, but you didn’t trust yourself with a firearm. So, you made do with a baseball bat, a wooden Louisville Slugger. It was heavy in your hands when you retrieved it from your closet, and even though you had to swing it with both hands, you held it with one, grabbing your still dead phone with the other. You cursed at it, throwing it on the unmade bed. You wanted to call John, but you had no means to do so.

You had to protect yourself.

You heard footsteps through the living room, through the hall, and finally approaching your bedroom. The door knob slowly turned and whoever it was attempted to open the door but was stopped by the lock. The door shook as they tried to enter, and then you heard a deep, familiar voice.

“Princess?”

“John?!” You quickly ran to unlock the door, still holding the bat in your hand. The lock disengaged, and he swung it open as soon as he heard the lock switch.

When you saw him, dirty leather jacket and muddy lace up boots still on, you threw the bat onto the hardwood floor with a clunk, and jumped in his arms. “John.” He held you tightly as you breathed in the smell of leather and cigarettes. “You scared me,” you squeezed him tighter, gripping on to the rough leather, “I didn’t know you were going to be home.”

He set you down, but you still gripped on the lapels of his unzipped jacket, breathing in his scent. “I texted you, and called you,” he cupped the right side of your face with his palm and you nuzzled in closer to his hand. “I figured you were sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you.”

You closed your eyes and tucked your lips in. “I’m an idiot,” you said, looking down, realizing that your phone had been dead and John tried reaching you.

He chuckled, his smile slightly upturned to one side. He reached out to hold your arms and walked backwards towards your bed, gently pulling you with him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, spreading his knees to you can stand in between his legs. “Why weren’t you sleeping, princess?” He asked as he lightly ran his fingers up and down your arms, sending shivers up your spine. You didn’t respond, you just nodded your head towards the window, lightning still flashing through the blinds. “I figured,” he stopped caressing your arms and shook his jacket off his shoulders, throwing it to the ground. “That’s why I decided to drive home tonight, and not tomorrow morning,” he kicked his boots off and laid down on the bed, pulling you next to him.

You giggled when he pulled you next to him with ease. “I know how much you hate storms,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “Come here, sweets,” he pulled you closer. “Let’s get you to sleep.” You didn’t want him to fall asleep before you, so you nuzzled in his neck, peppering light kisses under his ear, and along his jaw.

“John,” you whispered.

He opened the eye that was closer to you, keeping the other one closed while looking down at you lazily. “What baby?” He said quietly with a sigh, pretending to be annoyed, but you could see a smile start to form. He closed his eyes once more, one arm around you, and the other was above him with his hand under his messy-haired head.

You nudged him, wiggling your body closer into him, and he chuckled loudly causing vibrations to fill your body. “Y/N,” he said warningly, “you know you’re going to get more than you bargained for.”

You looked up at him, causing him to turn his head and open both of his eyes. His pupils dilated when he met your gaze, as did yours. “God, Y/N,” he brought the arm that was under his head over to your face, swiping back to entangle his fingers in your hair. You were both now facing each other and your heart was beating out of your chest. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” He paused and you didn’t respond, you just stared at his lust-filled hazel eyes. “How perfect you are?”

You closed your eyes, and hid your face in the pillows. John hated when you hid your face, when you tried to deflect his compliments. “Woah, woah,” he leaned up on his elbow, and took his free hand to guide your face away from the pillow. “You know I don’t like that,” he said, and you stared at him blankly, shrugging your shoulders.

Your eyes were getting heavy as John held you close. The sound of his breathing and the feel of his heartbeat was like a lullaby to you. You closed your eyes, succumbing to your exhaustion. John lightly hummed the tune of a song that was familiar, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was.

The deep, throaty humming was making your eyes even more heavy. He watched as you drifted off to sleep. “Y/N,” he said quietly, but still the depth of his voice carried through the bedroom.

“Hm?” You responded sleepily.

“You are beautiful,” he whispered quietly in your ear, not letting you ignore his compliments.

“Thank...” and you were finally asleep before you could finish your thank you.

*************************** You woke up as the light entered your blinds. The wind had stopped, as did the thunder and lightning. The ground was still wet from the rain, but the sun was finally making its way through the clouds.

Your eyes were still closed, reaching for John but you were greeted only with the sheets and pillows. When you realized he was no longer next you, you opened your eyes and quickly got out of bed. You walked down the hall to the bathroom, the door was closed and you heard the shower running, and John quietly singing. You smiled as he sang Fleetwood Mac.

Quietly opening the door, you bit your lip, trying to surprise him. Once you entered the steam filled bathroom, you shut the door, hoping he didn’t hear the click of the latch. The deepness of John’s voice as he sang The Chain brought comfort to you, but it also brought a tightness to your core. That was one of the things that turned you on about John - his voice. He could turn you on with just one word.

Once your were naked, you wanted to look at yourself, but you were unable to see much through the steam that covered the mirror.

You quickly pulled back the shower curtain, and John immediately stopped singing.

“Keep going, I love it,” you said, stepping into the shower behind John.

He was rinsing the shampoo out of his salt and pepper hair when he gripped your waist, pulling you tight and planting a long, hard kiss on your lips. “Good morning, sweet pea.” He broke the kiss and pulled you under the hot water, letting your hair get wet. “Good morning, hot stuff.” Once your hair was saturated with water, you reached for the bottle of shampoo that was on the ledge of the tub.

“Let me,” John said as he took the shampoo bottle out of your hands, squeezing some into the palm of his hands. You didn’t say anything, you just turned your back to him and tilted your head back to give him more access to your head. Once his hands were covered in shampoo, he gently massaged it into your scalp. His fingers worked in circular motions, letting it lather in your hair. You moaned when he hit certain spots on your scalp, behind your ears particularly. John smiled in fulfilment, knowing he was giving you pleasure when you closed your eyes and moaned deeper.

Water trickled down your breasts when you rinsed the shampoo out of you hair, and John watched as your nipples hardened underneath the cascade of water. You lifted your arms to put conditioner on your freshly washed hair and he took the opportunity to kneel down before you to take your exposed nipples in his warm mouth.

“John,” you gasped his name sharply and ran your fingers through his wet hair. He didn’t say anything, he just continued flicking your nipple with his tongue, and gently grazing them between his teeth. “Fuck, John,” you said his name once more, and he stopped this time, lifting you up with ease and pushing you against the wet wall of the shower. Once he had a good grip, and knew you were flush with the wall, he lifted your legs around his shoulders one at a time. If you had been any taller, your head would have been touching the ceiling.

You moaned when your legs opened around his broad shoulders, his hands on your hips so you didn’t fall. You held on to his head as he nuzzled his nose along your folds. “Baby girl, you smell so fucking good.”

“Please, John,” you closed your eyes and submitted to his touch. He opened your folds with his tongue, his hands were occupied by holding you up, and took your swollen clit in his mouth the same way he did with your nipples.

You gasped when your nub was welcomed by his warm, wet mouth. He alternated between sucking your clit, and lapping his tongue from your pussy and back up to your clit. You moaned loudly when his tongue covered your sex, up and down, over and over again. Just when you thought you couldn’t take anymore, he would start sucking your clit once more. He removed one hand from your hip, momentarily making you lose balance, but quickly finding it when he wrapped his arm around your back, gaining control over your hips once more. Still sucking and flicking your clit, he entered one long finger into your dripping core.

“Fuck, baby,” you felt your orgasm form in the pit of your stomach, causing your cunt to tighten around his finger. John stopped sucking for a moment to look up at you and smile, entering a second finger. You looked down to meet his gaze, returning a quick smile before your eyes rolled back and your mouth opened wide as you got closer to your release. John quickly went back to working your clit with his mouth, fucking you with two fingers when he saw the need in your eyes.

Your pussy clenched tighter around his thick fingers, and your orgasm formed in the pit of your stomach. Every nerve ending tingled, and you released all over John’s fingers, covering them with your juices. “That’s it baby,” he continued fucking you with his finger as you climaxed. “Good girl.” He set you down on your feet once the aftershocks ceased. He grabbed your face and kissed you hard, opening his mouth to wiggle his tongue with yours. Your taste lingered on his tongue, and you moaned when you tasted the salty-sweetness of your own pussy.

“Don’t you taste so fucking good, princess?” He broke the kiss, and quickly reached behind him to turn the water off. After pulling back the shower curtain, he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his wet body, kissing him and moaning into his mouth. Your bodies were slippery with water, causing you to adjust and hoist yourself up against John as he carried you to the bedroom.

There was a trail of wet footprints on the hardwood floors that went to your bed. He threw you down on the bed roughly, but not rough enough to hurt you, just enough to show you that he’s in charge now. When you landed on your stomach, you went to turn around so you were on your back, but he stopped you as you attempted to turn. “No baby,” he grabbed your hips and pulled them so your ass was higher in the air. You body was cold as the warmth of the water disappeared, and goosebumps permeated your skin. His large, warm hands caressed up the back of your legs to bring warmth, and he delivered a quick slap to your right ass cheek.

“Let’s warm you up, yeah baby?” He asked as he took his bulging length in his fist, stroking himself as precum formed along the tip. “Fuck, you are just so sexy,” he leaned over you, biting down on your neck, your shoulder, and kissing down your back. When his lips reached your ass, he bit that as well, making you shriek and giggle. He stopped stroking himself to push your legs open by your knees.

Lightly tracing his fingers along your folds, you wiggled your hips, trying to get him to deliver a firmer touch. “John,” you whimpered. “Please.”

His cock was still in his fist when he ran the velvety tip from your ass, down to your clit, and back up again. “Fuck, fuck,” your breathing was picking up, and you didn’t know how much longer you could take the teasing.

“Tell me what you want, baby girl,” John said, his voice was rough and sultry. Even though you couldn’t see him, you could tell he was smiling.

“Fuck me,” you said weakly and desperate. You turned your head to your shoulder, trying to get a visual of him in your peripheral. “Please John.”

And finally he buried his long thick cock deep into your dripping cunt with one thrust. You shrieked loudly as he hit your g-spot. He quickly withdrew his cock completely, running his hand up your spine. Once he reached your scalp, he took a handful of your hair, pulling your head back. Without releasing his grip of your hair, he buried himself inside you once more.

“John,” you said with a loud moan. “Please, please fuck me faster.”

He didn’t thrust, he didn’t move. He just kept his cock inside you, and it felt like he was in your stomach. “You want me to fuck you fast, Y/N?” He thrusted, but he was moving painfully slow.

“Yes!” You shouted, but he didn’t pick up the pace. “Please!”

“You’re going to have to ask nicer than that, baby girl,” he said, still moving at the same pace.

You moaned, grinding your hips up and down, trying to find some relief. John withdrew again, pulling your hair harder and delivering a hard slap to your ass. “I said ask nicely, Y/N.” You gasped in pain and pleasure as his grip on your hair got tighter.

“John,” you breathed in loudly. “Please, please fuck me,” he ran the head of his cock up and down your sex again, enjoying every minute of his teasing.

“That’s more like it.” He submerged his cock deep into your core again, this time thrusting harder, faster and deeper. He hit your g-spot with each thrust, and he let out a croaky grunt when you squeezed around his shaft.

The ramming of his length became too much to handle, and you couldn’t speak, you couldn’t moan. All you could do was clutch the sheets with white knuckles.

He didn’t stop fucking you when you went silent; he knew this was a sign that you were getting close to climax. “Don’t cum yet, baby.” You moaned out in frustration. You were just about to ask permission to cum.

You pressed your body closer to him, allowing him to bury himself deeper inside you. “Fuck, Y/N, your pussy is dripping.” He grunted, fucking you faster now. “You are so fucking close, huh?”

“Yes!” You cried out as he fucked you. “Please!”

“Okay baby,” his thrusts were rapid, and you moaned, almost screaming. “Cum with me.”

Within seconds your pussy convulsed in another orgasm. You moaned, screamed and cried out in pleasure and then you felt his warm seed pool in the small of your back.

He didn’t say anything, he just lightly tapped on your butt before walking away to get you a towel and a warm washcloth. John wiped the pool of his cum off your back with the dry towel, and gently wiped your folds and thighs with the warm washcloth.

Once you were both cleaned up, he grabbed a pair of boxers out of your dresser, and laid down next to you. You were facing him, laying naked on your side and he gently ran his fingers up and down your back.

He smiled when you smiled at him, leaning in to kiss you gently. “You really are stunning, Y/N,” John said quietly, almost a whisper. “You’re never going to change my mind.”

You rolled your eyes and nuzzled into him, breathing in his scent of body wash and sweat. You loved the way he smelled. Even when he smelled like whiskey, or cigarettes. He was home to you, and every time you smelled him, you were warm, happy and content.

“I love you, John.”

He closed his eyes, because he loved you too, sometimes so much it hurt. He kissed your lips deeply and lovingly. “I love you too, honey.” He gently pushed your chin up so you were looking in each others eyes. “More than you’ll ever know.”

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lizzexx · 7 years ago

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Coming Back

I know a few of you have seen my surprise post of one of Evy’s episode covers. I honestly didn’t know how to post that I am coming back online. I didn’t know what the response would be, if it would be negative or angry, which I would fully deserve given how I left you all. So I wanted to test the waters and the response I got just from that was overwhelming and gave me the courage to swallow my shame at how I went so silent and write to you all about why it happened.

This is going to be a long note, be prepared:

A lot’s happened since the last time I posted and I’m sorry it’s been so long. I really cannot apologize enough for pretty much dropping off the face of the earth :( I am deeply sorry if I scared anyone or worried you all. A lot of little things had sort of mashed together all at once and it got too overwhelming to keep updating and posting. I was having a lot of trouble finding balance in my life outside of fanfiction and I needed time to really reevaluate and reassess some choices and things I was doing to get to a better place.

It’s no excuse for not at least giving you fair warning, I know. I honestly felt I had to stay away from tumblr and the internet in general for a long time because I knew that if I went on and saw even one person’s concern or hopes that I’d come back soon, I’d end up coming back and trying to post before I was ready. I knew that I’d force myself to keep going and it would just burn me out faster and make it that much harder to get back in after. I was afraid I’d start to feel like I was only doing fanfiction for other people and not because it was a story I loved and wanted to get out there, that it was a passion I had. I didn’t want that to fizzle out or get crushed under a possible resentment. Because I love fanfiction and I love my readers and I would never want that to happen. I always feel like I’m disappointing people if I can’t continue the way I was, even if I realistically and logically know that things happen and come up beyond our control and most would rather me be healthy and well and posting sporadically instead of pushing myself to update every single day. I knew that I’d push myself to get right back on the way I was going even though I was aware it wasn’t working and was starting to really affect my real life :(

I’m not 100% ready to get back to posting fanfiction, to be honest, right now things are almost twice as stressful as when I stopped coming on tumblr/fanfiction.net.

When I went silent, my job was just entering summer and I was not at all prepared for how busy and exhausting that would be, on top of that also being me working towards my Master’s.

It didn’t get better or calmer. Managers, instead of returning us to normal, sane hours, began to put almost everyone on longer shifts and more days a week than we signed up for to compensate for a few of my coworkers leaving.

By the time more people were hired, it was the holiday season and I was praying for a swift death (not literally, but working retail during those months is a nightmare that sucks your soul out of you).

I got to a point where I really thought things were calming down. The holidays passed, I’d gotten my Masters, I was looking for a calmer, more structured job...and our Manager quit.

I got promoted, which was nice. I get benefits now, I make $.75 more an hour which is something. But that meant full time hours. Where I work, we have a manager and then three leads, sort of like assistant managers.

Our manager quit, so it fell to me and two others to basically manage everything ourselves. Then one of the other leads transferred to another store. Now it is just me and one other person responsible for EVERYTHING. On top of that, neither of us were formally trained, because our manager quit before we were promoted to leads. We basically have no idea what we’re doing and we’ve been without a manager for 5 months now (when other stores got one within a week of their manager leaving).

I got a second job. I’m now a professor! (Proffy would be so proud!) I only teach two classes as an adjunct, but it means a lot more stress and less time than I had just being a lead, which I still am.

My brother got married and a lot of the stress I felt was in the engagement period, because they were just miserable together, nearly called it off 3 different times, and just made the entire family tired and sick to our stomachs for months on end. He didn’t even make it 5 months before filing for a divorce. HE was a MAJOR cause of a lot of my stress the last year. He and his “wife” causing drama around each turn and it’s exhausting after a while.

My brother, when he’s miserable, is mean and loud and just upsetting to be around and, because I’m the quiet one, I’m the one he would usually lash out against. I’m in therapy now because of how he acts towards me and our family, in therapy for dealing with social anxiety which got worse over the last year, and with trying to work on things that cause me fear and are out of my control, as well as trying to work on self-esteem issues and sorting through how my family, in how they act/talk/treat me, has likely messed me up a little more than I thought. It was a very overwhelming year.

And, of course, right around the time my brother and his now-ex-wife “separated,” it was summer again at my work and even more stressful and busy and exhausting :(

I’m not posting this to excuse going silent on all of you. It was not a good thing to do and I should have posted at least a note about it.

I honestly didn’t think it would last this long. I kept thinking “It’s ok, I’ll feel better and more driven tomorrow” and before I knew it, a week had gone by, then a month, and now here we are :( I really am so sorry it’s taken me this long.

Another big part of it was that, to me, I write and edit and post fanfiction when I’m not feeling happy. I do it to make myself happy, to have that one thing that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to.

At the beginning of my job, once my social anxiety simmered down and I got to know my coworkers and engage with them more, I loved being there. I was happy. I liked going to work and that became my thing that I looked forward to. My need to be on fanfiction constantly started to go down a little. I still had a lot of my stories prewritten, but the drive to actually edit as much as I want to and to really keep going started to dwindle.

The stress is back. Without a manager and so much of that sort of duty falling onto just me and one person, I am beyond stressed. I’m not very happy at work right now. It seems like every week another person is leaving, which makes us understaffed and more stressed. Anyone we hire new can’t be fully or effectively trained without a manager and with only 2 leads who struggle to make sure the actual seasoned employees aren’t messing up now that there’s no one there to enforce consequences. Now I’m looking to fanfiction again to help get my mind off things and really make it that thing that calms me down and distracts me. It’s probably not a good thing that I have to feel stressed and upset and anxious and a mess of other negative emotions to really feel that kick to write, but that just seems to be how it works with me :/

Again, I’m not posting this as an excuse, there is no excuse for going silent like that. I just wanted to catch everyone up on what’s been going on with me and why it took me a while to get back to it all.

GOING FORWARD

It may still be a while, whether that’s a few weeks or even a month or two, before you’ll see the actual stories being updated again.

As I mentioned before, I’m teaching two classes on top of another full-time job and one of those classes is an intensive 7-week course that starts in about a week. So, at the very least, don’t expect fanfiction to resume till that point is over. I have a feeling that class will kill me before then lol.

It’s going to take me a little while to get into a pattern and routine, to work out how much time grading papers will take and how to balance it with my fulltime job. It’s going to take me some time to refresh my stories and make sure I’m not getting one plot or character confused with another. And it will take time for me to understand how much I can handle doing in a certain day or week and couple that with writing and editing again.

I’m going to start small.

First I’m going to focus on tumblr and sorting through my inbox. I want to try and answer at least a few messages a day until my inbox is empty again. So that may take...quite a while now that I look at the box lol.

Then I’m going to really look at my stories, how much I have left of the ones currently in progress, how much time it would take to complete which ones, and try to work out some sort of updating schedule and let you all know what’s coming.

I’ll be more present on tumblr now, but it may still be a while before the stories on fanfiction.net are updated.

The more unhappy I am, the more ideas I have for stories (seriously, just this morning I had an idea for a Flash story, and I haven’t really followed it much) and I’m really trying to not get too ahead of myself.

I didn’t want to come back before I was sure I could deliver. So I’m not going to make promises I’m not sure I can keep.

I know that I WILL be updating stories again, but I can’t promise a specific date. I know that I WILL be on tumblr more and answering questions (oldest to newest), that I can promise.

It may be slow going, but I’ll get there. I just have to work on managing my time and building myself up again. I don’t want to use all my spare time writing fanfiction, end up editing stories at 3 in the morning, and getting 3 hours of sleep before two jobs. I did that in the past, it’s not good for me. I need to find a way to pull a Tim Gunn and make it all work ;)

I wanted to take a second to thank you all for being so patient and understanding. I know I went silent and it was not cool at all, and I’ve only just glimpsed my inbox and seen the overwhelming number of asks throughout the year, even up to a few days ago, asking if I was ok and hoping things were ok on my end. You have no idea what that means to me. To have been gone so long and still have people checking in over a year later, guys, I almost started to cry.

When I started writing, I never thought that anyone would like it. I would have been content if just one person thought a story was ok. To look at it now and see that my work has had such an impact as to elicit concern like that after over a year of silence? I have never been more touched and humbled.

I love all of you so much and I really am so sorry for not being around more. I’m working my way back up and, little by little, I know I’ll get back to posting the stories again.

You’ve stuck with me this long, just hold out a little longer and I’ll do my best to deliver some good twists, new perspectives, and (hopefully) awesome OCs :’)

To end on another positive note...another reason I’ve been offline is...

I’m working on converting one of my OCs (a Doctor Who one) and their story into an original novel/series and it’s taken a lot of my concentration the last few months. So, who knows, maybe we’ll see something of that one day too.

Thank you all again for being so patient with me and so concerned. I’m back on tumblr for now and I’m hoping to get back on fanfiction soon too :’)

#lizzexx #fanfiction #update

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mirandalinportfolio · 5 years ago

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VICE: Face Shapes and Blood Types: Wading into the World of Online Dating in China

The Mandarin term shengnu literally means “leftover woman.” It was coined to describe China’s growing crop of middle-class women who, thanks to new educational and economic opportunities, have been able to rise to unprecedented ranks within Chinese society—at the expense of their love lives. Nearing (or, heaven forbid, passing) the age of 30, these women find themselves materially successful but romantically unattached.

As a female in her mid-20s, living in China with a graduate degree and no significant other, I’ve been particularly sensitive to the term’s use. But while local media and gossipy mothers often use it derisively, my leftover sisters and I have come to embrace it as a badge of honor worn by independent women who know what they want and are unwilling to settle.

We shengnu are in dual position of being supposedly desperate, but in actuality having all kinds of men to choose from. In 2003, Gong Haiyan, a single coed from Shanghai, started the online date site Jiayuan.com (“Beautiful Destiny”) because she was frustrated by the lack of legitimate dating options she found around her. The bare-bones website she initially sketched out has since grown into China’s largest online-dating website, with over 56 million registered users, more than OKCupid and PlentyOfFish combined.

Like Gong Haiyan, I have, in my years in China, had little luck on the traditional meat market, so I decided to see if her internet service, and a few others like it, could be a better matchmaker for me.

Signing up for an account on Jiayuan or any of China’s other big-three dating services starts like most sites: cheesy screenname, recently created email account, vaguely accurate description of age and looks. But just like democracy, dating in China has developed distinct Asian characteristics. Your blood type, face shape, and willingness to have your future in-laws live with you are treated as basic information (O-positive, duck-egg-shaped, to be discussed when the time comes, for the record).

My profile photo also proved to be a sticking point. It was rejected three times, initially because I chose some abstract avatar, then because not enough of my face was visible. “Show the world who you really are,” the site moderator urged. Although that struck me as contrary to everything the internet stands for, I submitted my passport photo and was passed to the next phase.

While most of your profile’s essentials can be filled out with the help of a drop-down menu, the final stage requires a personalized self-introduction. A provided example on Zhenai.com (“Precious Love”) is instructive as to what kind of women the service is appealing to:

Before, in order to focus on my studies, my mom didn’t let me date. Now, because of work, I don’t have time to date. As time passed, I suddenly discovered I’d already become one of the “shengnu.”Actually my demands for my other half aren’t that high. He doesn’t have to be that handsome, or that wealthy, but he must be motivated, responsible, obedient, and that’s about all. I have great hopes and visions for my future, but I hope to accomplish them with the person I love….

It was flattering but not altogether too surprising that within minutes of activating my profile, my inbox was flooded with messages. The first came from a 26-year-old, O-type (hurray our children, or rather our child, will be a universal donor!), triangle-faced man named “Poisonsc…” But as I browsed through his profile, alarm bells quickly went off. He was a private entrepreneur. He listed his monthly income as 3-5,000 renmindi per month (equal to about $480-800 dollars, an average white-collar salary). He didn’t own a car or a house yet. No wonder he was single.

With the growing numerical disparity and social parity between sexes, women know that not just anyone will do anymore. Owning a car and home are standard expectations before marriage. A candidate’s appeal rises if he has a five-figure monthly salary and stable career (state-owned corporations are best), but falls if that means he has to work overtime and thus won’t be around to whisk his partner off on romantic dates. Modern China’s romance with materialism was epitomized on the popular TV dating game show “Are You The One”, when one contestant famously claimed she’d rather cry in the back of a BMW than smile on a bicycle.

Baihe.com (meaning “Lily”, but also literally “Hundred Matches”) makes it easy to weed out the scrubs. Users can sort users by age, height, education, and income. Though IRL I’d like to think I’ve never judged any person by such narrow criteria, I decided if I was going to date in China, I had to do it with a Chinese mindset. So clicking the obvious choice, I browsed on.

The top hit was a block-headed 30-year-old with a lush head of hair named Heavy. The self-described “Chairman-looking” home-owner had posted half a dozen photos of him frolicking on an exotic beach. He clearly had the right salary-to-free-time ratio.

Like nearly every male profile I browsed, though, Heavy had almost no demands of his partner. He wanted someone between 24-28 years old, 140-175 cm tall, preferably ethnically Han. But income, education, and housing situation—factors that can make or break a man's prospects—were all listed as “no preference.”

Despite the cold rationalism that seems to surround these sites, all these sites still cling to the sweet romantic notions. It's about finding your other half. Each user, before finalizing their profile, must check off a box affirming their good moral character and honest intention to search for a spouse on the site, NOT a one-night stand. Bang With Friends, this most certainly is not.

But while sites try to ensure pureness of heart, there's no escaping the internet's inherent ability to con, especially in a country that trades on its ability to mass produce fake Chanel purses and pirated DVDs.

When I began my online search, the Chinese Lunar New Year was fast approaching. It’s a time when virtually everyone in the country returns home, gathers with their loved ones, and is ruthlessly interrogated about their personal lives. Accordingly, internet message boards light up with ads seeking and offering rental girlfriends and boyfriends. Taobao, China’s version of eBay, for a while banned the search term altogether.

“Busy at work, no time to consider relationships,” reads a typical message. “Can anyone help me cope with the parental pressure?”

Though joke and scam posts are rampant, I decided to respond to one that at least sounded thorough. User 19760923b was a 32-year-old male, Master’s degree, 180 cm, 75 kg, “probably considered good looking” seeking a 25- to 30-year-old female for an eight day "rental" to northeastern China.

“I’m just a regular office worker, not anyone rich, so anyone looking to get rich or become a mistress please don’t apply. If you’re too ugly or too fat, it will tip my parents off, so sorry, you won’t be considered.” What a charmer.

19760923b promised the rental wouldn’t be required to sleep in the same room or perform any kissing and fondling, though she “must be willing to hold hands.” He offered 300-800 Renminbi per day, negotiable. The deal also included train tickets to and from Beijing. If necessary, he’d be willing to also accompany his rental girlfriend to her hometown.

Using a mix of my latent Chinese class skills and Google Translate, I wrote a brief note expressing my desire to fake it. Within a couple of hours, I received an email: “Thank you for your reply, but I don’t think you will be a good match to bring home.” Even to play a sham girlfriend, the rejection felt real.

But my heartbreak was soon eased. A bounty of new "flirts" and "winks" were waiting in my inbox. One man in particular, using the name “Single-Minded,” had sent 13 messages in a span of 35 minutes. Though back home such over-eagerness would be ruthlessly mocked over a round of drinks with girlfriends, in China, it felt reassuringly sincere.

“Your subtle smile makes my heart jump,” cooed his first message. “I love to smile too. I hope we can smile together. Can I get to know you more?”

Mousing through his profile, I learned he was university educated, a car and home owner, and employed in finance by a Fortune 500 company. I was already imagining my mother’s approving nod.

In his next note, he waxed even more poetic: “In the whole world, who knows how many millions of people pass us by, but fate made me stop and look at your photo. I hope you will look back at me.”

His clear, unobstructed profile photo showed an athletically built man in his early 30s, with hair gelled into the snow cone swirl common among aspiring C-Pop stars. He was also wearing what looked like a lumpy holiday sweater knit by his grandmother. A sign of filial piety, I hoped.

As I clicked to respond, a screen flashed open offering me a series of ready-made responses. There was the generic, “Thank you for your interest. Please tell me more: ^.^” Or the flirtier, “If you read my message, write back so I know you reciprocate O(n_n)O.” Or the straightforward rejection: “Thank you for your interest. I don’t think our circumstances are a fit. Good luck, hope you find your soulmate.” I wondered if 19760923b had copied his response from here.

But as I considered what level of emoticon flirtation to use, I realized Single-Minded’s messages had also been computer generated. A row of tabs suggested dozens of opening lines, categorized from "funny" to "cute." Worst of all, my Single-Minded suitor had chosen from the "standard" section. He didn’t even use a creative scripted response!

Outraged, I aired my sense of betrayal to a male Chinese friend. Far from sharing my indignation, though, he bashfully confessed that at the age of 25 and just entering his first official relationship, he too had used a move learned from an American teen soap. How else, he asked, were young people, sheltered by overprotective parents since birth and often right through their adult lives, supposed to know how to hit on girls?

If, as they say, Chariman Mao abolished arranged marriages in 1951 after his own unhappy experience with the practice during his first marriage, the system that’s replaced it hasn’t made finding a genuine connection any easier for Chinese men and women. In the end, I got rejected for the role of a rental girlfriend, used an algorithm to pick out men by their income and blood type (which I later discovered in Asia is associated with certain personality types similar to zodiac signs; type-Os are ambitious, self-confident, and recommended to eat extra poultry and fish), got wooed by a succession of swirly-haired men with scripts, and continue to be harassed by all three dating companies trying to sell me additional matchmaking services. But I am still no closer than before to finding my soulmate.

And probably even further from finding a one-night stand.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/yv5987/face-shapes-and-blood-types-wading-into-the-world-of-online-dating-in-china

#text

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kraftdinnermac · 7 years ago

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- INCOMING LONG AND EMOTIONAL POST -

I am completely devastated, and not entirely sure where to begin…

I guess I’ll start where it all began: when I was 5 years old my brother brought home a CD that was dominating the charts upon its release, that album was Linkin Park’s “Hybrid Theory”. As the youngest child, I always had great fun stealing my older brother’s things, and one of my favorite things to take from his room was easily this CD. It was the anthem of my entire upbringing and completely shaped the foundation of my musical tastes today. That album, still to this day, remains my most listened to album on this earth. Hands down.

I was so captivated by Linkin Park and how unique they were. They had rapping, turn tables, samples, screaming, and heavy guitar riffs. They were arguably the most innovative band that I still have ever encountered. They broke through barriers viciously and with full force. In the beginning no body liked them, and no body wanted to sign them, and they would try to change their band by saying “no screaming” or “no rapping”, but they stood true to themselves and proved everyone wrong, and showed the world that they were legends.

Chester Bennington was the first screamer I ever came to love. Before I even really knew what metal music was, or especially what scream vocals were and how they could sound good, I was obsessed with Chester. His screams sound like he has 3 different pitches being sung at once, and his soft clean vocals sound so gentle they could put you to sleep. Even from a young age I knew this man was talented, and I simply couldn’t get enough of him.

Flash forward to today. I still site Linkin Park to be one of the biggest influences on me in terms of musical taste, I still know Hybrid Theory and Meteora back to front, upside down and backwards, and I still get goosebumps whenever I hear Chester sing. I still find myself going back to watch some live videos, particularly their “Live in Texas” DVD performance, where 15 minutes into the concert Chester is already completely soaked in sweat because he’s giving it 110%. I am forever feeling nostalgic when I hear Chester’s voice, and I still enjoy him just as much today.

I literally can’t express enough how big of an influence Linkin Park has had on my life, and Chester specifically as well. I remember whenever I used to draw people when I was young and I would always deck them out in tattoos and piercings, I would always draw red and blue flames on their wrists, just like Chester had. I also remember how I always wanted to wear my hair spikey, and Chester was probably 75% of the reason why. As much as I loved the entire band, and each member for their own reasons, Chester always stuck out to me and always caught my attention. Even today as I am trying to teach myself to become a screamer, I am often going back to Chester’s tracks for inspiration and guidance.

Today I learned that Chester Bennington committed suicide, and it felt like dunking my head under freezing water. I was completely shocked and frankly couldn’t believe that it was true. I heard the news within minutes that it hit the internet, and for the following hour or two I was scavenging articles to see if there were any more sources to confirm this. Sadly, I then stumbled across a tweet by Linkin Park band mate Mike Shinoda who confirmed that it was true. My stomach sank.

There have been many celebrity deaths to happen in my day, some more painful than others, but I have to admit this easily takes the cake. Chester was so close to me, so important and so significant. To me he was untouchable, he was an icon that was simply too talented and too amazing. To think that probably one of my biggest hero’s since I was 5 years old was still vulnerable to pain and suffering to the extent he was, and to be driven to such a horrific end, it was nearly impossible to imagine. But it was true, regardless of what I thought or how I felt, it was all true. For the first time with any celebrity death, this one left a hole somewhere.

Chester passed away on July 20th, 2017, the day that would’ve been Chris Cornell’s 53rd birthday. For those of you who don’t know or are unaware, Chris Cornell was a singer (Soundgarden and Audioslave) who died by suicide on May 18 of this year, just over 2 months ago. Chris was a very close friend to Chester, and it was clear he was deeply impacted by the loss of his friend. Not long after his passing, Linkin Park performed “One More Light”, a song off their May album by the same name, live on Jimmy Kimmel in memory of Chris. The lyrical content of this song is about “who cares if one more light in the sky goes out” which of course is a metaphor for someone dying, in which Chester responds “I do”. It’s a beautiful song and given the meaning of the performance it was incredibly powerful. Chester was choking up during his performance; you could see his tearing eyes hiding behind his sunglasses, and you could see his mouth shaking as he tried not to break down. The entire performance was incredibly moving.

Statistics have shown that when someone commits suicide, their family, friends, and loved ones become at greater risk of suicide themselves due to the inability to cope with the loss of a loved one. It pains me so much to see how this is most likely what happened to Chester. By listening to his lyrics over the course of his career, it’s obvious Chester was no stranger to pain, but for his passing to happen the day of Chris Cornell’s birthday…I truly believe that this “second hand suicide” was the case, which saddens me so much.

I had such a difficult time trying to choose the best song to accompany this post. Entire songs and lyrics have been racing through my head ever since I heard the news. Truthfully, I could choose a good number of songs that would suit this post; however, instead of choosing my favorite Linkin Park song, or choose the one single that everyone will seem to recognize, or Chester’s favorite Linkin Park song (Breaking the Habit), or even their current single from their new album One More Light,“Heavy”, which talks about carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and how he can’t seem to just let it all go (such a sad song and now it’s even more sad given his passing…), I eventually decided to use this song: Leave Out All The Rest (from their album “Minutes to Midnight”)

Every single lyric in this song speaks to all of us about what has happened right now. As I listen to Chester sing the chorus…

“When my time comes; Forget the wrong that I’ve done; Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. And don’t resent me; And when you’re feeling empty; Keep me in your memory; Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest”

…I can’t help but picture him singing this to all of us from above. Almost as if he’s comforting us all in this time of grief and suffering. It’s a message to all of us to remember the good things about one another. Every word of this song resonates with this horrible tragedy; and I don’t know about you but I think it’s incredibly overwhelming.

Chester Bennington was an absolute icon to not only me, but to millions of others. Without Chester and Linkin Park music would not be the same today, and that involves other genres than rock/metal. The influence Linkin Park has had on the music industry is unmeasurable, spanning across decades. The role that Chester played in Linkin Park and their success was absolutely huge, and it’s impossible to properly gauge how much of a loss it is for this world to lose such an incredible, smart, funny, and talented human being. He will be missed profoundly by myself and millions others all around the world.

If you ever have thoughts of suicide, or know somebody that does, or even if you’ve just thought about the option harmlessly a few times, please please please don’t hesitate to reach out! Talk to a friend, a family member, a teacher, a mentor, a coach, a family friend, or call one of the many help lines out there. (Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 - Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868) You are not in this alone, and mental illness can be beaten!!! And if you are someone who has a friend or loved one who you think may be suicidal or going through intense hardships with mental illness, reach out to them! Tell them how much you appreciate and love them, and reassure them of how important they are in your life. Even if it’s just a quick and harmless text, saying “I care about you” just once could decide the difference between life and death.

I know this was a very long post, and if you made it this far then i thank you sincerely for taking the time to get through all of this. I wanted to keep this post as brief as possible, but with the way that I explain myself, and the level of impact this news has had on me, there was no way I could contain this to a simple paragraph. So again, thank you.

I love you all, you are all beautiful. We’re going to get through this life together!

Rest in peace, Chester Bennington. An undeniable legend! March 20th, 1976 - July 20th, 2017

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hamiltrash-32000 · 8 years ago

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1-104 💛

If this is who I think it is, I am so going to hurt you tomorrow -.-

Screw you man. This took me 10 minutes short of an hour

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? A. I texted a group chat so probably something along the lines of “How much did we have to drink for two straight girls to wake up naked next to our gay friend who has a girlfriend?” or something like that…

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?A. If my dog counts then I’m kinda sad cause his health is declining, my stuffed dog then we cuddle every night ❤️❤️

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?A. I must be doing drugs if I have a boyfriend I don’t know about… but yes, I would care

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?A. Nah fam, its shorter

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?A. Nonexistent as I recall

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?A. No I don’t think so

7. What does your last received text say?A. “Sure thing baby” from my dad after I asked about giving the dog a bath

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?A. Ummm…….

9. Where was your last kiss at?A. Ummm…….

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?A. One of them today and I’m seeing another tomorrow. We’re going to watch F8, for me the second time :)

11. What do you drink in the morning?A. Pepsi or tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?A. In my bed? At my dad’s house?

13. Do you think relationships are hard?A. Obviously. I haven’t been in one but I have come close and that stressed me out

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?A. No. Everything happens for a reason. The domino effect really

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?A. Yeah, I get kinda lonely

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?A. Rainy, it helps me fall asleep and I like sleep, I did so until 4 pm one time! I swear I’m not depressed

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?A. I know someone with my middle as their first

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?A. Onesie fam

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?A. I hope so

20. Does anyone like you?A. Yea….

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?A. No…

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?A. No…

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?A. Yes.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?A. I have a few in mind, not anytime soon but someday in the future I hope

25. In the past week have you cried?A. Just was, about my dog

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? A. Mine and he is a bloodhound, his name is Flash!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?A. Out

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?A. Nah dude

29. Do you think you’re old?A. I feel old when I work at church

30. Do you like text messaging?A. It’s okay, I just got no one to text because SOME people don’t know what responding is

31. What type of day are you having?A. Pretty chill

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?A. For a while, not anymore

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?A. I don’t know. I live in Florida so I’m inclined to say warmer

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?A. Well obviously, I’m close to you because I like you, not because of what is - or isn’t - between your legs

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?A. Relationship, I’m not going to waste my time if I don’t see a potential future… which is probably why I haven’t had a boyfriend

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?A. I’d say a mixture of both,

37. What song are you listening to?A. A Christian CD I got from a camp about 4 years ago. It’s a version of Your Love Never Fails

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?A. Unless it’s to my brother39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?A. My momma :)40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

41. When did you last receive a text message?A. While answering this42. What is wrong with you right now?A. I am having some mental conflicts with myself right now43. How well do you know the last female you texted?A. I’d like to say somewhat she tends to hide things from me and not tell me -_-

44. Does anyone disgust you?A. Me. My sense of humor is really sick45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?A. No46. Are you in a good mood right now?A. Due to a couple of my past answer I am overthinking and not really, no.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?A. My dad48. What color shirt are you wearing?A. Black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?A. Yeah. My brother said we have to get up early in the morning50. Anyone you’re giving up on?A. I don’t know yet51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?A. I haven’t fell for anyone so no

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?A. No53. Do you like rain?A. Yesh54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?A. Yeah, case either he is drinking underage or I am dating someone like 5 years older than me. If we were the legal age then no until it’s the point of drunkenness55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?A. All the time, right now actually56. Do you like to cuddle?A. Yesh57. Are you shy?A. Kinda58. Do you get along with girls?A. Kinda59. Have you dated the person you texted last?A. No, I ain’t gay fam60. What do you carry with you at all times?A. My phone61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?A. If I can bring my bible and some holy water with me then sure… and maybe a priest62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?A. I’m not quite sure

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?A. Neither oh God… but I do have a rainbow zebra print body pillow so probably zebra69. Do you have any stickers on your car? A. I don’t have a car70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? A. Luke Bryan71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone? A. Android72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? A. Not sure, a few weeks and I’m glad. I have had so much pizza recently73. Do you like diet soda? A. Sometimes74. What color are the walls in your room? A. White at my dads and lavender at my moms75. Are you 16 or older? A. Yesh76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? A. Used to, I wait until it comes on Netflix77. Do you have a job? A. Nope 78. What are your initials? A. I don’t feel comfortable giving my initials out on social media…. my first name starts with an M though79. Did you ever have braces? A. Nope80. Are you from the south? A. Yesh. The good Ol’ Bible Belt. I love it really

81. What does your last status on facebook say? A. I never post on facebook bu earlier I shared the JT “It’s Gonna Be May” Tumblr post82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? A. How many times will I be reminded that I haven’t kissed anyone83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? A. Both but on different things84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? A. No85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? A. Fate of the Furious86. Do you smoke? A. No. I hate drugs87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? A. Flip flops88. Is your phone touch screen?A. Yesh89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? A. Stra- as I was writing this I literally experienced déjà vu90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? A. Bruh, we got an alarm system. At both houses. Are you crazy? Plus it’s kinda rude91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? A. Doesn’t matter92. Have you ever made out in a car? A. …93. …Had sex in a car? A. …94. Are you single or in a relationship? A. Single pringle95. What were you doing last night at midnight? A. Facebook probably96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? A. July 4th97. Do you like the camera on your phone? A. Sure, why not?98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? A. …99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? A. …100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? A. No, what do you get out of that?101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? A. …102. Name your favorite Kesha song: A. ….103. Do you have any tan lines right now? A. Yesh104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?A. …. you guys are just making the South sound so much worse than it is

#Ask and ye shall recieve

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theboardwalkbody · 8 years ago

Text

59 QUESTIONS:

Flounder told me to do 59 of those questions. I started this last night and needed to take a break. I tried to answer completely and honestly and it may have really soured my mood. By question like 20 or so it’s basically pictures of Joe Gilgun every other question. lol I felt it was easier to post photos than answer with words since I wasn’t too happy. But I’m sure if you delve into this you’ll really see where the depression and self-loathing caught hold of me again.

1. selfie

post-shower selfie. also, shout-out to Joe.

2. what would you name your future kids?

Boys: Thomas Richard (or if I had two boys Thomas and Richard). Thomas is a name that’s p much been in every gen of my family except for mine because everyone had girls and not boys. So I’d bring that back. Richard was my grandpa’s name so I’d also bring that back.

Girls: Natalie, Elizabeth, possibly Ellie, maybe Megan.

3. do you miss anyone?

Of course. One’s a they’re-not-here-anymore thing and the others more of a we’re-growing-apart-as-people thing.

4. what are you looking forward to?

You know, I really am looking forward to starting this new job. Not just for the money it’ll provide me with and the possibilities of me being able to do fun things like go to the friggin’ aquarium (most of this sort of thing I am already making plans to do lol oops) and see the solar eclipse but also because it feels like I’m finally DOING something. It feels like I’m finally taking this nursing-track seriously. I’ve got myself in a hospital doing career-related work. It’ll have benefits which I need to stay healthy. It’ll support me. It almost feels like Day One of this job is where my TV show starts. Day One is my Pilot episode. It’s gonna be JD walking into Sacred Heart, it’s gonna be the TARDIS landing in my yard and the Doctor saying, “run”, it’s gonna be Spongebob getting his fry cook spatula. In my mind I keep comparing it to Scrubs a lot. Like this is where we see me go from PCA to Nurse and this is where I will finally make Work Friends and maybe grab dinner with them after a long shift and maybe one day a cute employee will see me in the cafeteria and we’ll start dating. I just feel like maybe this job will be that life changing. That this is where my story starts - the story people want to see - and that’ll change my life. Or kickstart it. I know that that all sounds horribly idealistic and is not at all reality, it’s just not how life works, but that’s how excited and hopeful it’s making me.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Lately Joe Gilgun’s been handling that. lol (and by lately i mean for like a year now). But as far as people IRL... not sure. Everyone has their days. One day this person will make me smile another day this one will. Everyone has bad days where they just rub each other the wrong way - it happens. But I feel like the people who are close to me make me smile pretty well for the most part.

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Not really. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend and it took me two weeks top to get over him. Then again, I wasn’t even that big into him anyway. I’ve had a couple friendships melt away and those took longer to get over. Not sure I’m entirely over them. I think it just depends on the strength of the relationship and probably also the type. I really don’t peg myself as one who would find it hard to get over failed romantic en-devours, based on that past experience.

7. what was your life like last year?

Strap in: Last year was a fucking hot mess. I mean personally as well as whatever the fuck the universe was doing. I started off last year entering Nursing III. I was excited because OB/PEDI was the rotation. I had JUST managed to pass Nursing II the week before Christmas and I truly felt like the luckiest person alive. I went into Nursing III with the impression it wouldn’t be harder than Nursing II BUT I wanted to do well anyway because OB/PEDI is where I want to be. The rotation was hectic and I was feeling the pressure and I ended up struggling. I failed the class by 2 points. Somewhere in the midst of all that I got into Preacher and so I took to drowning my sorrow by thinking of Joe (watching interviews and stuff). And man was I full of sorrow. The entire rest of May and the entirety of June I fell into such a fucking state of depression I was starting to forget literally everything. I lost an entire week of memory to depression during that period. Despite that I got a job as I’d run out of money and I started passing the time doing that. Until I got over the initial “if i mess up im fired” anxiety and got comfortable, at which point I called out frequently because my depression was like “fuck you you’re staying in bed - MENTAL HEALTH DAY LOLOLOL”. I was accepted as a re-entry student and got to try a second attempt at Nursing III. My job told me to go fuck myself (they wanted me to work friday - sunday plus one day during the week minimum - my class schedule was monday, thursday, friday and sorry i wanted a day to rest and a day to study - plus. that friday was non-negotiable. gotta love retail) and fired me. But whatever. Back to school, my priority, I went. I bought physical copies of my books to accompany the online versions. I went to the library to study. I actually studied. I excelled at clinical and I did well on all my exams except one. And then the final came up. And all I needed was a 75 to pass. My average was a 77 for christ sake. But nope. Bombed. 0.7 point failure. I got my grade three days before christmas. I tried to kill myself in front of my mom and my sister (in front of the christmas tree) with my grandma and my sisters boyfriend one room over in the kitchen. I cried for hours in my little sisters arms. I’d ruined christmas. My life was over. 0.7 points and ‘sorry, you failed out of nursing school - the last 4 years of your life was pointless’. I tried to appeal. I tried EVERYTHING. The dean of nursing told me I had no case for an appeal (my failure was my own), my only option was to re-enter the program and start from scratch. I asked her, as calmly and composed as I could muster being on the verge of tears, what steps I needed to take to re-enter. She told me, “do you really want to continue to waste your time and money at an institution you’ve already failed?”. I wanted to fucking kill her. I wanted to slit my own throat right in front of her and bleed out over her desk. I cried instead. I was so pissed at myself. Why couldn’t I be a Normal Adult and not cry until I got outside the fucking building at least? I spent the last two weeks of the year with my head so bruised it hurt to touch it or lay down on a pillow even, trying to forget literally everything, how I literally ruined my own life because I wasn’t smart enough, by sleeping as much as I could and spending the hours I was awake thinking about Joe because at least thinking of him made me a little happier.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

Yes. I cry with literally almost every emotion.

9. who did you last see in person?

My grandma.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I tend to be. The only time I am not is if I am so overwhelmed I don’t have the energy. Or if I am so upset I’m literally having a breakdown. Then I’m not.

11. are you listening to music right now?

No.

12. what is something you want right now?

I kinda just want to go to bed. This whole thing has gotten too personal and I’m like half on the verge of tears and half so angry at myself I could scream.

13. how do you feel right now?

See above. I was alright before that, though. Believe me I was.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

I don’t fucking know. Men are disgusted by my appearance and usually do not appear within a 30 mile radius let alone touch me.

15. personality description

i have to be honest with you. this whole thing has made me very upset and angry with myself so i really dont think im in the right place mentally to answer this question.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yes, and I feel bad about it to this day because they’re not around anymore.

17. opinion on insecurities.

I’ve got a lot of them. Also, Insecurity by Scars on 45 is a really good song, if that’s what you were asking.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?

Read the above question about what my year was like and ask me that again.

19. have you ever been to New York?

I have been fortunate to go to NYC quite a few times. Benefits of having a friend who lives there. However, the amazement of it has certainly worn off. It’s a little frustrating to see how some people become so elitist about it. Yes, it’s a cool place, but listen, just because it’s a cool place doesn’t mean every other place is shit. It’s kind of annoying to watch your friend go on and on about how they’re a “native” and therefore “non-natives” don’t understand how awesome their city is while at the same time actively hating all the parts that make people like the city in the first place. It’s hard to explain. But I’m over that elitist attitude.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

I still can’t stop listening to Hamilton. I guess my current fav song off that is Washington On Your Side.

21. age and birthday?

25. Aug. 24th.

22. description of crush.

(I’ve not got any crushes that pertain to my actual real life so there’s Joe again).

23. fear(s)

i have quite a number of those and lately ive been having like ‘flashes’ of scary situations while i’m out and about and have been mini panic attacks in public. so that’s not going well.

24. height

4′11.5″ is what the medical charts say. I think I can be an honorary 5ft.

25. role model (answered already)

26. idol(s)

see # 25

27. things i hate (answered already)

28. i’ll love you if…

you show me any shred of kindness and human respect.

29. favourite film(s)

Twister. Runners up: Forrest Gump, DragonHeart, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, and Holes.

30. favourite tv show(s)

Preacher, The Pacific, Generation Kill, Boardwalk Empire, The 100 (tho it’s an on-off love), Once Upon A Time (also on-off), Mr. Robot, HOUSE, M.D. CSI: NY, Viva La Bam, Jackass, and I used to really like Doctor Who and Torchwood. Misfits, Skins (UK, of course). 8 out of 10 Cats. I’ve got an on-off thing with 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Big Fat Quiz....

31. 3 random facts (answered already)

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

girls. remember #14

33. something you want to learn

Enough to get my friggin license and get out of school that’s for sure.

34. most embarrassing moment

i have a lot of them. one time i tried to talk to a guy i had a crush on. i talked to him the same way i wrote fanfiction at the time. (girl finds unloved outcast, girl asks him if he wants to be friends, ultimately they become inseparable and fall in love and live happily ever after). he was weirded out. i persisted for a few days. i IMed him after stalking his myspace. he called me a slut and told me to never talk to him after complimenting his haircut (which i couldnt have known unless i saw him IRL as he posted no photos and i still hadnt told him who i was). it made the rest of the year awkward. i was 14. don’t do that, kids.

35. favourite subject

i like sciencey stuff in general. but if i want easy a’s i got for english.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

1. become the best damn nurse in the ‘verse and help ~all the babies and kids 2. have a large happy family 3. be financially stable and healthy enough to take said large happy family on vacations and such

37. favourite actor/actress

38. favourite comedian(s)

(there’s more but they’re the only ones I have gifs of)

39. favourite sport(s)

I quite like tennis, actually.

40. favourite memory

Eh, I don’t really know - to be honest. IDK if it’s because I don’t have one or because depression makes me think I don’t have one or if it’s because I often look back at past times that were fun and wish ‘why can’t I go back, I miss it’ rather than ‘That was great, what a good time’ like I assume most people are supposed to.

41. relationship status

single as fuck. yes, i am bitter about it. and very lonely.

42. favourite book(s)

Living Hell - Catherine Jinks the Across the Universe series by Beth Revis Rapture - John Shirley (prequel to BioShock) The Stand - Stephen King 11/22/63 - Stephen King Under the Dome - Stephen King The Islander - Cynthia Rylant

43. favourite song ever

Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon. I like the way it sounds. It calms me down.

44. age you get mistaken for

i have no idea, but i do know no one bothers to ID me for alcohol anymore.

45. how you found out about your idol

I’m going to bang my head against a wall.

46. what my last text message says

my mom: “we’ll go next week then” me: “OK”

47. turn ons

48. turn offs

not being treated with mutual respect (ie a dude expecting he’s entitled to things or who thinks he should get more than he gives out). one of those guys who considers relationships to be the “ball-and-chain” trope. like don’t bother then.

49. where i want to be right now

with Joe. I am over this questionaire. D:

50. favourite picture of your idol

STOP ASKING ME ABOUT MY IDOL. HERE’S A GIF OF JOE AS CASSIDY.

51. starsign

virgo

52. something i’m talented at

i have no talent.

53. 5 things that make me happy

and also good food.

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

my financial situation (are we a nation of states? whats the state of our nation?! i’m passed patiently waiting, i’m passionately smashing every expectation. every actions an act of creation. i’m laughing in the face of casualty and sorrow, for the first time im thinking past tomorrow - and i am not throwing away my shot!) also literally everything because Anxiety™.

55. tumblr friends

Marisa and Heather and Flounder, you don’t count because I knew you since The Womb (Middle School is the womb apparently) and Kenny if we’re going by people I talk to frequently and also got on FB and the like. But if you wanna be friends just drop me a line.

56. favourite food(s)

Chicken fingers with fries (and honey mustard and ketchup) is my go-to meal whenever I am out. I also like pizza from my fav. pizzeria (I mean or any but mine’s the best). Mozzarella sticks, penne vodka, ham and cheese subs/ham, salami, cappicolla, provolone subs (italian subs). French toast (homemade tho), waffles (eggo only), pancakes, grilled cheese, cream of broccoli soup but NOT cheddar broccoli, baked ziti (with ricotta or you did it wrong), mac and cheese, Guinness steak and mushroom pies, toasted pb&j sammiches, fluffenutter sammiches, english muffin pizzas are good in a pinch, chicken goo, cheeseburgers (only from mcdonalds tho so...) and once a year i have a hotdog. OH no - I love auntie annes pretzel dogs and i get those often so disregard my previous statement.

57. favourite animal(s)

turtle, axolotl, sharkies are cool, puppies (but not the scary ones that barked at me on my walk) and kittens and i really like reptiles.

58. description of my best friend

(photos apparently swimsuit edition and look at those fucking hideous life jackets that we had to wear per contract until out of sight from camp personell. DIDN’T STOP ME FROM SPLITTING MY FOOT OPEN AND NEEDING STITCHES NOW DID IT). Also Flounder’s swimsuit was cooler than mine. And yes I am short.

59. why i joined tumblr

Kiera had a tumblr and I wanted to be cool, too, so I made one and forced her to follow me and I followed her and she doesn’t use this site anymore because she decided red.dit and ifu.nny were better uses of her time but i cant escape, i dont want to.

#about me #flounder.... why

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isawyoufly · 8 years ago

Note

Do all of those questions :)

1. Are looks important in a relationship? I think they’re a contributing factor in the beginning of one, because I think it’s hard to meet someone and want to get to know them without being at least moderately physically attracted to them, but certainly not the be-all-end-all of things!

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes. Either it’s The One or a learning experience.

3. Are you a virgin? Nope.

4. Are you in a relationship? Sure am.

5. Are you in love? Head over heels :)

6. Are you single this year? No ma’am.

7. Can you commit to one person? I can, yes.

8. Describe your crush. She’s shorter than me, long blonde hair, blue/green eyes, a beautiful smile, a laugh that makes my world go around, and everything I could have asked for.

9. Describe your perfect mate. See above!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Lust or attraction, not love.

11. Do you ever want to get married? I do, I can’t wait.

12. Do you forgive betrayal? Depends on what it was.

13. Do you get jealous easily? Yo my name should be Jealoussica instead of Jessica.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Suuure do!

15. Do you have any piercings? 7.

16. Do you have any tattoos? 4.

17. Do you like kissing in public? I actually really do.

20. Do you shower every day? Mhm.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I would hope so, considering my relationship of almost 3 years?

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably not lol.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yes.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Probably not.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? Only the one I’m in already!

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Mhm.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Poem!

28. Have you ever been cheated on? Not to my knowledge but I have some suspicions.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? I want to lose weight, and then would consider excess skin removal, but that’s it.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Mhm.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Unrequited major crushes, but not love, no

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Ew no.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? Yes.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Mhm.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? I did.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Not hated so much as didn’t think she was right for me.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Oh yes.

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Of course.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? I’ve tried but things like that don’t tend to go well with me.

41. Have you had sex so far this year? Mhm.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? It depends what mood I’m in.

43. How long was your longest relationship? Going on three years now.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? I’ve had...5?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? Um...1 maybe?

46. How many times did you have sex last year? More than I can count lol.

47. How old are you? 22.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? That we need to have a serious talk but if she liked someone else I’d encourage her to pursue it.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Her patience.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I’d wonder why she was apologizing.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Mhm.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? Not currently, no.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Maybe my dad or grandmother, but nah.

54. Is there someone you will never forget? Many people.

55. Share a relationship story. Okay so one like Saturday afternoon Tessa and I were high watching TV and I had to get out of bed for something and I went to like body slam back into bed but misjudged the distance and ended up almost falling off the bed so I had to like scramble and I LITERALLY ALMOST DIED and I made eye contact with her and she could see the utter terror in my eyes as I saw my life flash before my eyes and she just lost her shit like she literally laughed for half an hour about the panic on my face.

56. State 8 facts about your body. I’m tall. I have naturally curly hair. I have freckles. My eyes are green. I can frown really well. I have big feet. I literally don’t know what else to say??

57. Things you want to say to an ex. I’ve said all I have to say to them, except for you, and we still talk :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart? Have boobs, have a nice smile, be able to hold a good conversation with me, validate what I want to do with my life, have things that get you excited so that I can see your eyes light up and you get excited about them.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) Will do after!

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? I think like 2 years? I know who my oldest ex is I’m just not sure how old she is anymore whoops.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Usually boobs, can’t lie.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Let me make her feel good first.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Engaging in acts that are intentionally leading towards orgasm.

64. What is your definition of cheating? Doing anything you wouldn’t want your partner to find out about with someone else.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Slow/casual making out that leads to everything else.

66. What is your favourite role-play? I’ve never role-played before but the idea of a student/professor thing really turns me on.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? A carnival.

68. What is your sexual orientation? Queeeeeeeer.

69. What turns you off? Penises.

70. What turns you on? Boobs, moans/noises in general, going down on a girl and making her come.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? I don’t think I’ve really ever had one that I remember.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? General words of encouragement/satisfaction/cursing.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Honestly I just want my girlfriend to be cute for me again.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? I’m sensing a trend by now. Booooooooobs.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? For my 20th birthday Tessa built me a blanket fort, got all my favorite movies, and made my favorite breakfast for dinner.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I asked out my ex by making her a bracelet that said ‘be mine?’ on it. She lost it.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? As long as both adults are consenting and know what they’re getting into.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? I fucked my girlfriend in a rental car. From the rental place where she works.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Over Christmas, Tessa was all over someone she’d slept with before.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Earlier today.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Tessa, Kate McKinnon, Tatiana Maslany, Kate McKinnon, Anne Hathaway.

82. Who is the last person you hugged? Tessa.

83. Who was your first kiss with? Leslie.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? Wrong person, wrong time.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Been there, tried that, didn’t go so well, would reconsider if we were in the same country/area/I hadn’t found the love of my life.

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