#literally don't be mean to people who have the same interests as you???
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I've heard people say this before; that they discuss my stories on Discord servers and I'm like, "well, that would be nice to see". But I'm either not on that specific server because it is not relevant to my interests, or because I just don't really pay attention to Discord in general because I'm old and it confuses the hell out of me, hence I wouldn't know where to find the stuff either way. But I just don't understand why they wouldn't say these things in the place where they're reading the things. Like, a writer shouldn't have to go hunting for the comments that are made about their stories in some random place elsewhere in the ether.
I actually enjoy a relative plenty of comments, between two and five per chapter in my longest series, which is great engagement compared to some people's, because people are kind enough to say something to keep me rolling... but that's five out of generally the same 10 people commenting almost every single time, which means I'm kind of depending on them to keep me from feeling like I'm just shouting into the void (a lot of pressure on them). Meanwhile, I'm getting enough hits that if everybody who read each chapter commented I would probably have 30+ comments per chapter. Sometimes up to 100. That's rotten stats. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
Someone literally told me after reading the whole series up to now as a total specter that they couldn't bring themselves to comment until the 12th part of the series because they were scared to, for whatever reason. If people have been scaring y'all from commenting, I want to know who did that because that's ridiculous and does a disservice to everybody out here literally begging for engagement. Because the OPs are right; this is our currency in this world.
Fanfiction is motivated by community, by discussion, connection, by shared experience. We don't want to be throwing precious things into the vacuum and praying someone even notices... because we have no idea if anybody notices unless they tell us. Some of the best comments I've ever seen on any of my writing have been in the bookmarks. I just wish people would tell me what they do and don't like so that I can know that I'm not alone out there. Because other series get one or two comments per every four or five chapters, if that; and that's very hard to sustain out there on your own.
Please feed your authors if you actually want their productivity. And commenting "when is the next chapter going to be up?!" doesn't count.
A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.
My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.
My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.
This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.
Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.
I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.
So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.
#real talk#fanfiction#writing#comments are lifeblood#none of this applies to the heroic readers who comment in both places#because you in fact are kings and queens of this universe#All commenters are practically my reason to get up in the morning#and definitely they keep me writing#when sheer love of the story I'm telling is not sufficing that day
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Union Asteroid in Natal Chart
Union asteroid (1585) is an asteroid discovered in 1947 by Ernest Leonard Johnson. This asteroid is considered a love asteroid, and it's often seen as an asteroid linked to our first meeting with your Future Spouse. In order to exactly know what it was about, I did some researches. I found out indeed it's about how we meet our Future Spouse, but also how we get together with them. Literally, how we are going to go in Union with them. Don't forget this post is based on observations. So take those informations lightly.
All pictures were found on Pinterest
Other posts you could like:
જ⁀➴ Union Persona Chart Observations I
જ⁀➴ Juno, Groom, Briede in Signs, Houses, Degrees
જ⁀➴ Groom/ Briede/ Juno aspects in Natal Chart
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This post was based on real observations on people who are already married.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Aries Union can mean a fast meeting, a meeting that can happen suddenly, unexpected, it can also indicate a meeting that is like very physical. It can be love at first sight, something fast. You can have a very quick meeting, getting in a relationship very fast with this person. You can also have a very explosive meeting, it can involve fights, or arguments.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Taurus Union means it's very soft and and romantic meeting. You can have a flirt or meet your FS when you are in a romantic mood. It could be a very nice and chill meeting, in a social gathering perhaps too. You could just meet and have a very good feeling about this person. Like liking each other right away. You can be interested in your FS, finding them cute. It usually means dating right away, you are not friends, usually. Though, this can indicate slowly getting into a relationships with the person.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Gemini Union can mean you can meet in a social setting. It can be in real life or online, but you could also fall for your FS while speaking to them. You can find them funny, love their voice, find them smart, etc. It can indicate being together with them fast.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Cancer Union can mean you can meet your FS in the same place as you are, or you can meet them because of your family. They can seem similar to you, or just you can meet them and feel like you are very much alike. You can meet them in a familiar place. This can also mean getting very much close to your FS before being with them. You can start as friends. It can mean a childhood friend as well.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Leo Union means you can meet your FS and have very strong and passionate feelings for them when you meet. You can also feel so drawn to them you can chase them. You can feel such passion and excitement when you meet them, they can be your sunlight, you could not get enough of them. This can usually mean you'll chase after them, you'll not want to let them go. Whatever you do, you'll be the one wanting to be with them. And you'll have this strong burning desire to be with them.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Virgo Union can mean you can meet at work, but this can mean your FS and you will start dating after getting to know each other well. Having Virgo Union could mean you will let your FS chase you. I have noticed everyone who had it were pretty cold and not obvious they liked their FS when they met them. It can also mean having a slow Union with your FS.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Libra Union can mean you and your FS can flirt a lot when you meet. You can meet at a romantic gathering, blind dates, or for examples it can be a fun party, a gathering to meet people. You could have a thing, a crush for this person, or this can be the same for them. But you could def have a fling with them first.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Scorpio Union can mean you can meet your FS at night, or somewhere dark. Somewhere private too. You can meet them and have a big crush on them, or see them from afar first. There is something about you being shy when you meet them, you can either first observe them before meeting them. You can stalk or just already notice them before you speak to each other. This can also involve secret crush too.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Sagittarius Union can mean meeting in college, while traveling, while learning something or in foreign lands. You can meet them in a different place than where you live, even if it's in the same country as you. But it can def be a meeting that will make you learn something. Also, this means you will discover a lot about you or in general when meeting your FS. It can also mean meeting your FS after moving. This meeting can indicate a slow way to be in a relationship with FS since you may prefer to know each other well before being together.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Capricorn Union can often mean you can meet your FS at work, but usually this means during your meeting, your FS will have a higher status there than you. People who had it often met their spouse at work and they were their boss. It can so indicate office romance. Spouse can be your boss or someone higher in your work status, so you can work for them.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Aquarius Union seems to be very atypical kind of meeting. People who had this placement always met their FS in the weirdest way possible. If they didn't want to seem insane or that the meeting seemed weird, they can lie about the meeting. But it also means your relationship started in a very unusual way. You can also meet in a very unexpected way, perhaps it will be a day you won't expect to meet your FS. You can also meet them and be really amazed by your FS, thinking they are so different. Your Union can be something unexpected from people as well.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Pisces Union can mean your meeting with your FS can be linked to art, creativity. You can meet them also in secret, or your first meeting will feel very intimate, like only both of you notice something is going on. Romance will be present from the first time you meet. Sometimes the union between you two can take longer, but you'll sense since the first day you met that something was going on. It can also mean a meeting related to spirituality and religion too perhaps.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 1H Union can mean you can have a very fast meeting your FS. You can have love at first sight or a very big crush on them when you first meet them. You can also first seem them before meeting them. This placement can suggest you can find them very attractive when you will meet them. You can enter fast in a relationship, and it can also mean being married very young or fast.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 2H Union can mean you'll feel very consistent and sure about your FS when you will meet them. You can also spend a lot of money to see them, to get them, or to even just buy them things. You can be quite flirty and romantic with them, it can be a way to pursue them or chase them. It can be a sign of taking your time to know this person before being them. Moreover, you could want to show them through many ways you are interested in them. It can be very sweet. But anything related to money and possessions can be showing more. You can also feel jealous and possessive over them quite fast. You can also meet related to money, or a contract, a deal.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 3H Union can mean you'll meet your FS with a social circle, in your neighborhood, because of your siblings, friends, or because of a certain community. You can meet online, there can be something related to TV or something related to technologies. Moreover this can mean meeting at school to or library. You can talk a lot when meeting, you can also exchange a lot of ideas as well. You can meet around other people, yet only wanting to talk to your FS. Their voice can charm you as well. You can be the one declaring your love first.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 4H Union can mean meeting your FS around your house, neighborhood, your family too. You can meet your FS because of a house, and it can also mean because of you moving. You can also meet them because they know your family. You can meet them in a very familiar place, perhaps even where you grew up, or where your family grew up. Moreover, you can be childhood friend with this person. It can also indicate meeting when you are young. You can also be together quite fast, or even marry very young.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 5H Union means you'll meet your FS in a holiday setting, meaning anything related to relaxing, getting away from stressful life. You could also meet them and flirt directly with them. You'll feel very interested the first time you will meet. You could flirt with your FS directly on your first meeting. Your Union could feel very teenage love. Children can also be part of your meeting.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 6H Union can mean meeting at work, meeting through work, it can also be an union that takes time, just because both of you want to take your time, or just because things are slow. You can meet related to health too. You can feel like it's a stable meeting, and feel like you feel good and stable with your FS. It can also mean meeting your FS at school. You can be in a very long relationship before marrying.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 7H Union could mean you could be interested in your FS as a lover first. You could have a crush on them, or have the sensation you could date them. It can also mean you will do everything to get them as well. You can also partner with them at work if you have other placements that suggests that.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 8H Union can mean a secret Union, you can be together in secret. It can mean a meeting where you are just the two of you, intimate. You can have a very strong s3xual attraction towards each other, or even you can feel a spark too. You can feel so attracted to your fs they can intimidate you. It can mean also mean feeling like there are just you and your FS when you meet. There can be something taboo as well in the meeting.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 9H Union can mean meeting in college, higher studies, church, or a meeting linked to religion or spirituality. You can meet them and think they are nice, cool, friendly. You can be curious about them, but this placement can indicate it will take time to be together, since there could be a true link to trust each other and getting to know each other slowly.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 10H Union means you'll meet them at work, while working, or during a project of yours at work. You could indeed work with your FS, or you could start dating when you are working together. You could also start dating when you are doing a very important project at work. Work can be involved in this relationship.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 11H Union means you and your FS can be friends at first. You could develop a friendship before being in a relationship with them. You could also meet them through friends, but it can be meeting online, on the internet. You can start a relationship online first. This can indicate a slow moving relationship, a friendship will be required first before being in union with them.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 12H Union can mean you and your FS can get together pretty fast. It can be the feelings being so strong and the romance being so present you may not see you the reality of your connection, and so things can get fast. It can usually also means the native having a false idea of their FS while meeting them. Usually, the native will know immediately their FS is someone special when they will meet them. You can also meet in foreign lands, or also it can mean meeting because of spirituality or religion matters.
⑅ RANDOM OBSERVATIONS ON UNION ASTEROID ⑅
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Lucille Ball had Union Sagittarius 12H, and she met her first husband later in her life (she was 29 in 1940, not that it's old but at that time it was considered old to get married at 29). They also got married in secret and pretty fast.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Ariana Grande has Union Gemini 5H, she met her first husband while wanting to buy a vacation house. She also was very interested in him very fast, and had a big crush instantly.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Desi Arnaz had Union Aquarius, he met Lucille Ball in at a time he didn't expect.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Uranus conjunct Union can mean a very unexpected meeting, sudden meeting, you really could not expect meeting your FS at that time or at that moment.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Venus conjunct Union can mean you'll have a crush on your FS when meeting them. You can find them very good looking, they can look like your ideal type too. It can indicate love at first sight.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Venus conjunct Union in 11H can mean you can have a flirt with your FS online first. Or they can be a friend of yours and you can have a crush on them.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union conjunct Pluto means you'll feel transformed after meeting your FS, they will leave you a very big impression.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Sun opposite Union can mean you'll not realize first you met your FS, or that this person is your FS. You can take a long time before realizing they are the one for you.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Mars in good aspect with Union can indicate a lot of flirt and sexual tensions between you two. You re physically attracted to your FS.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Saturn in good aspect with Union can mean you'll take your time to be together, and it's actually a good thing, it can be wanting to know each other well, but time will be in your favor in this one.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union conjunct Mars can be being together fast after meeting. It can also mean you'll want them right when you meet them, you'll be sure of your choice.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union opposite/ square Mars can mean not feeling a spark right away between you two, you can also have no real desires to be with the person when you meet them. There can be some obstacles when you meet, and you feel like it's not the right time to be together.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union square Pluto can mean the meeting will trigger you to change, and you'll go in a very deep transformation about yourself.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union opposite Uranus can mean a very strange and unique meeting. You'll think a lot of people will not believe in the original story on how you met or got together.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ A couple can haver two different Union, it doesn't mean anything in particular. This is more about how you view the meeting and how you view the way you got together.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union 10H often appeared with people who met their FS around their 30's. Or around the time they were reaching a more serious stage in their adulthood.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ I know three men who have Union Leo 10H, they all chased their FS, they were also very much into wanting to be the provider, even if they weren't before. They all put their wife on a pedestal.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union aspecting Moon can mean meeting young.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union square Venus can mean you'll realize you are not truly in love with them with time, or you do not have much romantic feelings at first for them. You are not the one who is the most interested.
₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Union sextile Rising can mean you find them physically very appealing.
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This is my secret sideblog so I'm just gonna. Not do it as an ask game, I just want to talk about podcasts!
1.) what’s the first podcast you listened to?
Welcome to Nightvale <3
2.) what’s a podcast you’ve cried over?
So many, but recently, Unwell!
3.) Favorite podcast pet? (Idk if that’s worded weird but like if one of the characters has a cat or smth)
I'm honestly not the biggest fan of podcast pets but there is ONE EXCEPTION which is Dumptruck from Find us alive
4.) what podcast has the best soundtrack/music?
Aaah there are many I like... One some might have missed is Dreamboy, which have a couple of bangers, or In Strange Woods, which is a WHOLE MUSICAL and I listen to the songs frequently. But my go to soundtracks are Friends at the table (thank you Jack deQuit). Honorable mention to Wolf 359 and Hallowoods who I think uses their osts SO WELL, giving me VISCERAL reactions when I hear the music out of context.
5.) what’s a podcast that you really like but find it kinda hard to follow the plot?
I have tried to listen to What's the Frequence so many times, it seems so intriguing and interesting as a concept, but I still don't know what even the basic plot is. I think it starts with a murder?
6.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would be friends?
Maybe this is a weird combo but I do think Diggory would be great Friends with Kai and X from Girl in Space. It's something about identity and bodies and being made with a purpose, and somehow still ending up being a pretty chill person.
I also think the demons from Brimstone Valley Mall (especially the teens) would be best hatefriends with the Hrose camp polecule. They are opposite sides but same kind of mall kids. Maybe they wouldn't be friends maybe I just want to watch the world burn
7.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would hate each other?
hmmm. Elias TMA and Keppler Wolf359. They are boss middle managers who think very highly of their own competence, have VERY different ideological base and would kill each other with knives over a cornchip
8.) what’s a podcast where you mix up the characters voices?
I have had this problem with A LOT of podcasts in the beginning, it usually takes me a while unless they are very distinct. I remember it being a problem with Mabel (literally two characters and I couldnt tell them apart...) and Syntax with two of the women side-characters. It took me so long to understand what their personalities were supposed to be, since I couldnt tell who said what.
9.) what’s a podcast that you know the characters so well you can recognize their breathing?
oooh hmm. I mean, Nightvale. It's been like 11 years after all. And Deck the halls with Matrimony!
10.) what’s a podcast that you wish you could listen to again for the first time?
oooh maybe The Penumbra podcast, specifically Juno! I think I got a weird impression of it because I listened to the OG, much rougher version of arc 1, it was really confusing and I got a very different idea about the characters in my head. Now when it's finished, I think it would be a better listen to just go through all of it as a blank slate! I also liked the end, and I think it found what it is about during the journey.
11.) what’s a podcast you’ve listened to more than once?
Most... If I like it I'll listen AT LEAST twice. But I have listened to Deck the Halls SO MANY TIMES because it's short and wrapped.
12.) what’s a podcast you wish more people listened to?
Having many fans is a double edged sword, but right now, Hallowoods and Hymns for the road. I think both would be so visually inspiring for fanart and oc's.
13.) what do you like to do while listening to a podcast?
Draw! Always!
14.) who is a podcast character that you love?
Leon from Greater Boston!
Diggory Graves from Hallowoods!
Brnine from Friends at The Table!
15.) who is a podcast character you can’t stand?
Genuinely? I did not like Cassius from Syntax... sorry... I just think they are too stupid for me.
16.) what songs do you associate with a certain character/ podcast?
oh man, Hoziers Eat your young with Hallowoods, Moss by cosmo shelldrake (for obvious reasons) with Hymns for the road, Haunted House by sir babygirl with Friends at the Table
17.) what’s a podcast that you can’t stop thinking about?
Bluff city (friends at the table), Hallowoods, Greater Boston and The Silt Verses. It's something about imperfect communities
18.) are their any podcasts that you regret listening to?
Yes. We're alive. Zombie podcast. Was waiting for it to subverse all the boring and bad cliches it set up. It didn't. It was 100 eps a 40 min. I have never been more mad
19.) whose your favorite podcast couple?
In canon, of course Cecil and Carlos. The OG!
Shipping wise its Leon and Michael from Greater Boston, Harley and Lancaster and Love and Radager from Find us Alive, Brnine and Valence from Palisade, Heard and Hector from Bluff city.
I also ship Malik from World gone wrong with the alien replacement of his ex. I WANT TO BELIEVE.
20.) whose a podcast character that you think would dress really cool?
Actually cool? Probably Riot or Olivier from HFTH. Cool as in interesting/fascinating? Cecil WTNV again.
Podcast themed ask game cause I’m bored!
1.) what’s the first podcast you listened to?
2.) what’s a podcast you’ve cried over?
3.) Favorite podcast pet? (Idk if that’s worded weird but like if one of the characters has a cat or smth)
4.) what podcast has the best soundtrack/music?
5.) what’s a podcast that you really like but find it kinda hard to follow the plot?
6.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would be friends?
7.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would hate each other?
8.) what’s a podcast where you mix up the characters voices?
9.) what’s a podcast that you know the characters so well you can recognize their breathing?
10.) what’s a podcast that you wish you could listen to again for the first time?
11.) what’s a podcast you’ve listened to more than once?
12.) what’s a podcast you wish more people listened to?
13.) what do you like to do while listening to a podcast?
14.) who is a podcast character that you love?
15.) who is a podcast character you can’t stand?
16.) what songs do you associate with a certain character/ podcast?
17.) what’s a podcast that you can’t stop thinking about?
18.) are their any podcasts that you regret listening to?
19.) whose your favorite podcast couple?
20.) whose a podcast character that you think would dress really cool?
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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i feel like slightly younger than marius mael is the best just for flavor reasons lol. reeaally curious to know what you think
I think I usually land on slightly younger but not like a baby. Like early 30s maybe. BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOME THOUGHTS OF WHY I LIKE EACH OR WHY EACH COULD WORK:
Under 30: First of all because of Jesse's chapter in QOTD--Maharet was turned around age 20 I think? And for Jesse, I'm sure there's that sort of uncanny thing where your mind fills in blanks and makes excuses, like, her "aunt" has been around her whole life so like gee golly I guess she just looks young for her age! Except that there's like the vampire uncanniness too, so whatever you judge as an age doesn't super matter. So like, Mael blending in as one of her guy friends in his early 20s would make sense. Jesse DOES also clock him as not being human, so again I think the uncanniness might not make her peg either of them as a certain age.
I do worry if this clashes with the idea that he could properly be a priest? Caesar said that it takes 20 years to train a priest, but A) A lot of what Caesar said is like anti-Keltoi propaganda and might not be accurate since the Druids famously never left anything in writing, so there's very little first hand information about them. B) MAYBE IT'S OKAY BECUASE IN VC-VERSE TESKHAMEN IS REAL AND MAEL WAS REALLY COMMUNING WITH HIM SO IF THERE WAS LIKE MAGIC AFOOT IN THE COMMUNITY MAYBE HE GOT FAST TRACKED OR RESPECTED AS BEING SPECIAL IDK. I can work with it and make excuses lol.
I LOVE the idea of him being like a young man because of how much madder that would make Marius, plus the way he likes to mentor young blonde men lol. But it might like hurt him even worse if the author of all his misfortunate is like SOME KID.
In his 30s: Personally I usually land here because I DO wonder how long it takes him to gain status in his community and become a priest (in his 30s is still fast tracking it but maybe feels more plausible LOL) and I enjoy the idea of he and Marius being sort of similar to each other. Like, Marius often gets used as the example of Turning an Older Guy and what it means for his temperament and the way it translates to his immortality. I like imagining Mael as around Marius's age for that reason, like I want to remove all his excuses why Mael is a young stupid kid or even an old salty jerk--it forces Marius to confront that Mael is ALSO someone who is chill and smart and has had enough life experience. BUT WHILE THERE'S A WINDOW WHERE THEY COULD BE SIMILAR IN AGE, OR MAEL COULD BE A TAD OLDER, I ALSO STILL ENJOY MARIUS BEING LIKE "HE'S YOUNGER THAN ME I HATE THIS!" BECAUSE HIS AGE AND SELF-PERCEIVED WISDOM & EXPERIENCE ARE IMPORTANT TO HIS IDENTITY AND HE FEELS BELITTED LOL.
In his 40s: Makes sense for the above reason! But I like to skew younger personally just for the Marius ageism dynamic lol. Also there's something about him being a foil to Marius where like, if they're very similar in other ways it can kind of emphasize how their atheism/religion contrasts each other and affects them as people.
Over 50: ALSO POSSIBLE and it's hilarious bc in the audiobook the narrator reads him like such a grouchy old man lmao. I could see this causing a lot of resentment because Marius likes to be the oldest and wisest in the room. I could see him also being younger because Marius insults him every chance he gets and I just think he would've told us that Mael is like an old hag if it were true lol. Anyway wondering how this effects Marius's barbarian kink and how he submits to men.
#btw ive been meaning to write a post when i have a minute about like the experience of transformative fandom#and how like if youre a person who sees the source as sort of dynamic and malleable that you wonder things like this#vs only ever seeing the source as a static topic that needs to be discussed like a literary essay#and how there's friction when people don't allow both types of fandoming to exist in the same space#because ive been seeing some bullshit lately with people taking the source too literally and not allowing anyone to play with it#like none of this stuff is in the books but im trying to write a fanfic so what do you fucking want me to do LOL#sorry i guess ill be boring and not develop any of these dynamics because canon didnt give me an answer lol#and wahts INTERESTING is that many versions of the text can co-exist when you ask questions like this#like rereading Mael scenes and imagining him as 20 or imagining him as 60 makes the scenes very different!#and that's cool and we should talk about it!#anyway sorry i feel like i blew my load with that post by turning it into a tag rant but if i can articulate myself later ill try LOL#mael#marius/mael#marius de romanus#deep ass thoughts about vampires
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Always amuses me (read: exhausts me) when people are surprised and angry when Star Wars creators refer to Thrawn as a villain and act like it’s the end of the world because the creators don’t “get” the character.
#star wars#thrawn#you guys he IS#he's an antagonist#i've read all the books and i love the character but he's still a villain at the end of the day#it's like we aren't all reading the same books and some of you conveniently forget that he literally justifies slavery and tyranny#in the name of 'good'#and that he's 100% okay with continuing oppression in the name of peace#and in the name of protecting his people#but one of the biggest lessons in star wars#spanning SEVERAL CHARACTERS (including thrawn)#is that just because you feel you're doing good doesn't mean you ARE good#thrawn's story is clearly one of moral erosion#he's a complex and interesting character#a complex and interesting VILLAIN#perhaps even something of a tragic villain#but a villain nonetheless#if you're upset that creators refer to him as a villain and you think they don't get the character i have news for you#spoiler: it's you who doesn't get the character
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sometimes i see queer people make low hanging anti straight jokes, and they'll often pre-defend themselves by saying straight people don't need defending as if the queer community isn't populated by tons of straight people, straight trans people, straight ace people, straight poly people. queerness doesnt exclude exclusively opposite sex attracted people and it bothers me to see these jokes and their subsequent defenses because normative society certainly rejects these folks because of their queerness and now you are inside the queer community rejecting them for who they desire. i think about straight trans folks the most who are out here under fire from normative society who turn to the queer community for support only to be inundated with sentiments like straight people are actually the real lesser than folks, and it's easy enough to say straightness is valorized in normative society so shitting on straight people is punching up, but i can't help but be keenly aware that the queer straight people tend to be queer in the ways which are often excluded from queer community. so actually yeah i do think straight people need our protection, not heteronormative culture, but individual people? yeah. the "coming out as straight" jokes are all haha good times fuck the straights until you think about the fact that straight trans people when they come out are functionally doing that. after all how many straight trans people used to think they were cis gay people. and we, inside the queer community, turn their experiences into a mean spirited punch line designed to reject them from queer community.
like sorry i just don't think we are gonna find queer liberation by trying to figure out which group we are allowed to make fun of for having the wrong sexuality.
#i also feel similarly about the way feminist circles talk about men#you're right men as a social class don't need defense#but when you frame literally every single interest someone could have as a negative just because they are a man with said interest#you arent fighting patriarchy you're just shitting on individual people and then wondering why they feel threatened#like .... i think about the tweet from#the person who delayed their transition to avoid being a male film student#and yeah the punch line is very funny and i laughed but the sentiment itself is very very dark imo#gender euphoria? no can't risk it cause then people will think negatively of me#simply for being my own gender in my own field of study#like misandry isn't real on a structural level#but as i pass more masculine i'm keenly aware of all the ways my behaviors and mannerisms which were charming and tomboyish as a woman#are all negative traits i need to suppress and modulate for the sake of others if i am perceived as a man#same person - same jokes - same opinions- but taking up space as a woman is a good thing#taking up space as a man means you're suppressing women#it's weird#cause in theory being more masc should mean i am treated with consistently more respect and have my ideas listened too more#after all im no longer affected by misogyny right?#(of course the dirty little secret of that is thst you have to be white and perform appropriate white masculinity while being stealth#for that respect to work cause brown skin and a fey voice will exclude you from that bump#real fast) but it's an interesting nexus to exist in a place where normative society says i need to make myself smaller#because i'm a woman and therefore inferior but also the internet subculture im around says i should make myself smaller because im#not a woman and i'm taking up their space#but it's all fine cause patriarchy is bad so this is just doing feminism right?#the third wave really fucked people in the head it seems
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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"This show is SO good, you should watch it!!"
I gotta be honest. If I look at a character list on Wikipedia and get five characters down without seeing a single woman, it's probably not for me.
#I have no patience for 'there is exactly one woman in the main/supporting cast' anymore#unless the writing is INCREDIBLE and the themes are explored with a type of depth and nuance I can't get anywhere else (like shiki)#(daily media plug for shiki)#then I just. probably will not vibe with it. if there are no women. (also shiki DOES have interesting female characters in it)#and this isn't to say that like. things involving men or talking about men or that have a male protagonist are Not Worth#My Time that is NOT what I'm saying at all. I just want like. several women. who show up and affect the story. like LITERALLY that is all I#am asking for. I feel like that's just. the bare minimum. but alas.#mel screams about fictional ladies again#there are plenty of things that are male-character-focused that I enjoy and even genuinely think are good! but I do want people to#ask themselves why they aren't willing to go to bat for media that DOES have more women in the cast than men.#(I mean. the answer is misogyny. but I want people to be. aware of that. and evaluate accordingly)#(evaluate meaning 'acknowledge I have some biases I need to continue deconstructing' not 'drop interest in everything tumblr#user musical-chick-13 personally doesn't like')#I feel like so many times we get trapped in this space between overcorrection via 'don't like ANYTHING that's pRoBLeMaTiC in ANY way'#and people taking the 'it's fiction it's not that deep' to the conclusion of 'because I cannot actually hurt fictional characters because#they're not real that means I am incapable of hurting irl people when they talk about those characters'#like there is. nuance here. there is a middle ground. and most people have NO interest in finding it lmao#and like...if you carry your biases from irl (which EVERYONE HAS. INCLUDING ME. COURTESY OF LIVING IN A PREJUDICED SOCIETY.) into a#direct and one-to-one evaluation of stories or characters that allow you to exercise those biased ideas. then that reinforces those biases#like. no hating...for example every anime lady isn't the same as structural misogyny like the pay gap or anti-women violence#but if you automatically associate the idea of 'female character' with 'lesser-than' it strengthens the already-present societal idea that#women are not as important or dynamic or worthy of support and attention as their male peers. if you are willing to see every (white)#fictional man as having interiority and depth but struggle to see that in any fictional woman then it adds to the things society is already#telling us about women. it creates an association of 'women' with 'inferiority' and uh. that's what misogyny is.#it is not the same as misogynistic crimes against irl women but it IS a reflection of the rhetoric and societal impulses that lead to them#and even if it's a reflection and not the actual thing. it's still important to break down and examine and reevaluate because#if we don't examine our OWN biases. then even if we tear down the greater oppressive structure we'll just end up building it back up again#no your thousands of words of m/m fanfiction or liking late 2000s shonen anime isn't responsible for misogyny nor are these things#inherently misogynistic. I just want like. some acknowledgement that something being 'for fun' doesn't automatically mean that bias/#prejudice is nowhere to be found
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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... �� You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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The thing about armchair diagnosing cis people as trans is that if you accept that everyone's understanding of gender is deeply personal and that you shouldn't tell someone they're not trans or not trans in the right way, you should also accept that you can't tell someone they are trans or that they're not cis in the right way. Or that they have to either identify as trans or cis.
These are all just words and there's never any excuse to argue with someone over who they are.
I don't think most people are genuinely trying to overrule the 'cis in a gnc way' perspective but even being flippant about it is not helpful. Also I think cis people talking about gender in complex and fun ways is very cool.
#everyone is allowed to have their own gender#it's not like 'trans people get to do whatever they want and cis are boring and default'#cis just means you generally identify with the gender you were assigned or don't strongly identify with something else#not that you never think about what gender means to you or that you think you're a woman BECAUSE you have a certain body#everyone is capable of understanding the difference between sex and societal gender roles and gender identity#if we try to say that only trans people have this forbidden knowledge that's just another way of alienating ourselves#and suppressing discussion of gender#gender things#anyway i said this bc i was watching a video essay about transness in horror#and she talked about a mangaka who writes trans narratives and has this really complex relationship with his own gender#but doesn't openly identify as trans#and i think we will lose a lot of interesting stories and people if we tell cis people to either be quiet about gender identity or be trans#and i know it's like. 'no one's telling them to shut up they're the majority'#yeah yeah but like. being cis is such an ephemeral state of being#you could just as easily not be cis within a moment#so it makes no sense to me to act like every cos person individually is An Oppressor#they're literally not they're just other people under the same stupid capitalist imperialist society as us#that wants them to be stuffed into tiny marketable boxes just as much as it wants us to be#so not they're not an elevated class and they're not barred from the table#the reason we have community is for support and understanding but some cis people support and understand us and some trans people don't#everything has nuance#anyway i want to engage less with labels and more with people and let them tell me who they are
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yeah i think i've fully come to terms with the fact that i'm 100% somewhere on the ace spectrum lol
#dax rambles#i'm still absolutely bi but i'm just so fucking indifferent towards sex and relationship shit 90% of the time#i have attraction towards whatever gender but i don't even really consider it or think about it -- granted there is stuff i'm attracted to#i do like many various masculine & feminine features etc -- but ultimately it's just like i'm attracted to who i'm attracted to lol#but i really don't give much of a shit about sex itself really outside of when i'm in gooner mode and even then i only really care about#my weird fetishes/kinks LMAO#and relationship-wise it's the same though yeah i still want a relationship and have a possible crush on someone -- though that could be a#rebound thing since i went through a pretty rough breakup earlier this year + there's some other stuff so i doubt i'll act on it -- but#when it comes to relationships in general like in media and shit i really do not care honestly aside from a small handful of exceptions lol#like i still see so many people talking about shipping constantly here and i'm realising how truly little i give a shit about any#of that kind of stuff LMAO like more power to you but yeah it's never been something i'm that interested in at all aside from a small#handful of ships i like but honestly that's more of a lesser point#i just have zero interest in romance outside of what my own relationships would be i guess is the best way to put it#and i know i could never ever ever be in a relationship with someone who i haven't at least known as a friend for a good few years prior#like no fucking way lmao i need that established level of trust and bond + chemistry but i've literally never developed a crush on someone#outside of friends anyway so lmao and by crush i do mean someone who i would want to try a relationship with not just#“i'm attracted to this person” when it comes to attraction it's whatever and even with that it's very much a “damn they're hot would” and#that's about it lol it's not really super often either which is another main reason why i'm pretty confident i'm asexual to a degree#i think it was something i was in denial about for a while because i'm very happy with & enjoy being bisexual but either way i am still bi#it's just that the way i'm attracted to people & have little interest in sex itself is additionally some type of asexual experience lol#i'll probably delete this later unless i forgor i don't really give a shit though lmao
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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I think what's so interesting about Gideon as a narrator at the anniversary dinner is the fact that there's clearly tensions that she's just not picking up on because she's only there to eat a dessert.
But these people are all the immensely powerful leaders of the Houses and consider themselves to be in competition for literal godlike powers and the favour of the emperor.
There's so many little snippets that are potentially intriguing: why is Teacher trying to prime the Ninth to consider the Fifth a threat? Why are the Third and the Sixth "sizing each other up like prizefighters"? The Fifth absolutely knew what they were doing when they sat the teen heads of the opposing cults near each other.
Through Gideon's lens, Magnus' speech is a little awkward jokey thing. But...the seneschal of the House that is known to be actively trying to absorb another House is saying it's such a shame they're all so remote from each other and what do they all have in common (and it's so quiet you "could have heard a hair flutter to the floor") - that had to feel a bit different to people who aren't Gideon.
Palamedes' is dissecting the meaning of "Master Warden" and at one point compares it to a prison warden. 'Dulcinea' asking about whether Magnus and Abigail have children is perhaps less small talk and rather more pointedly political. Harrow's apparently stilted conversation with Protesilaus is clearly her actually probing his limitations like he's a bad Chat GPT-run chatbot.
And then 'Dulcinea' tells Gideon she liked the dinner because it was "useful". In her typical "I never lied to you" way, Cyth wasn't lying when she said Abigail had to die because of her hobby - Abigail Pent let loose on the Facility would have risked blowing Cyth's cover sky high. But what does a Canaan House look like where after the dinner party, the Fifth go down to the facility, get a key, and survive to continue their 'the Houses are going to get along or else' agenda? We've seen Fifth House soft power on a smaller scale in HTN: and it looks like inviting a teenager round for coffee, lulling her into a false sense of security with small talk, and then physically preventing her from leaving the room until she does what you want, while smiling the entire time. A series of little coffee chats could probably have led to a lot of cooperation in Canaan House, one way or another.
Gideon jokes about Silas marrying Ianthe because of their similar colour pallete, but it does raise the fact that there seems to be some tension around the Third, its succession, and the *point* of Ianthe. Why is Silas openly saying Ianthe should have died at birth? Combined with Judith's comments in the Cohort Intelligence Files about succession on the Third, it feels like there's something else being said here that Gideon isn't picking up on.
And of course, Harrow wasn't the only one desperate to become a Lyctor because her con was unsustainable. Presumably at some point Corona and Ianthe would be expected to marry, or at least take on more separate roles as Corona prepared to take over the throne and Ianthe was funneled off elsewhere. At some point, their package deal would have become unsustainable and Corona's cover would have been blown. But much as Harrow wants to become a Lyctor so she can reveal the state of the Ninth without repercussions, Ianthe is probably in part motivated to become a Lyctor for the same reason. Because otherwise, what would Ianthe's expected role have been? Amidst the suggestion of anxiety about the Idan succession, the dinner party also presents the fact that the reason Abigail and Magnus' infertility isn't a succession crisis for the ruling family of the Fifth is that Abigail's younger brother dutifully married in his early 20s and had kids. We know there are branch families in Ida - Babs is from one. He may be a prince, but he's not treated well, and you do get the sense that the stakes to stay in power in Ida are high.
We don't learn anything about the political situation in the Houses themselves during HTN or NTN, but in the wake of Canaan House, you have to suspect there are a number of tensions and concerns.
#the locked tomb#tlt meta#Is Ianthe's “going to see a man about a queen” seeing to the political situation back home in Ida?#Which must have been devastated by her ascension and Corona's apparent death?
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