#literally asking for friends in my 20s… very humbling experience

[buttahpie]

Hi!! I’m Cado (she/her) and i’m always looking for bestles mutuals! Here’s my intro thingy!

read my mclennon fan fic here!

fic master lis here!

my fave beatles things!

album: going between sgt. pepper and the white album rn

song: while my guitar gently weeps, oh! darling, long and winding road

beatle: i’m truly a paul girly through and through and look i know that’s basic but it’s just the truth he has my whole <3

[avelera]

Hi! Sorry for a long ask, but my head has been filled with Hob thoughts lately and I had to vent it somewhere

One of the reasons our fandom treats Hob as "just some guy" is because the rest of the characters in the series include: personifications of fundamental concepts governing a good chunk of the universe making sure the reality as we now it stays intact, the literal Satan, several angels, demons, gods and goddesses from different cultures and religions and many other ridiculously overpowered beings. After all that immortal being who has been alive for six centuries and who has lived through one of the biggest wars in humanities history pales in comparison.

Do you think Hob finds it refreshing to be the "normal one" in a relationship for once? Before Dream whenever he got on with someone he always had to be careful to keep his immortality a secret. He had to remember the details of his fake past, had to make sure he always talked age-appropriate or didnt mention some kind of historic fact no one else could now, keep his Intensity in check, stuff like that. But now he's dating Dream of the Endless and suddenly he's no longer the strangest person in the room. Do you think that after being with Dream for a very long time he forgets to put on his Absolutely-Normal-and-Ordinary Humansona and his mortal friends go "wtf, were you always this fucked up?"

(Absolutely adore your fics btw)

Thank you! And thank you for this ask!

One of my first bits of Hob meta was talking about how Hob is only "Just a Guy" when compared to the Endless. By any other measure, in any other story, he'd be the most powerful individual you'd ever encounter. True immortality that isn't a prison because you can die when you choose? I've said it before, but if Hob ever went full persistence hunter, he'd be one of the most unstoppably powerful forces in the world.

Now, to your question, I think the answer could be complex?

- I think on some level it could be strange in not a good way to be the normal one in the relationship for Hob. I only say this from a pride perspective. I do think that for the most part, Hob's reaction would be positive, but I want to first carve out a nod to how it might also be a bit... humbling or even irritating, for example if Dream or others discounted him as beneath notice because of it. 600 years is still a lot, Hob is by most standards the most supernatural thing anyone would ever meet. I could see him thinking he's chill with being the less interesting one in the relationship but having moments of like, "Whoa, hey, wait a minute, just because I'm only an indestructible human who has lived over 600 years doesn't mean I'm boring for fuck's sake."

- I think it would be a much bigger deal for Hob-with-Dream to not need to lie anymore all of the time. With each lifetime Hob lives, he has to remember to cut away or gloss over or alter more of his life and achievements. It must be second nature but still painful at times to have to switch over from, "I achieved this," to, "My "father" achieved this and I just inherited it."

- Suddenly with Dream, he doesn't have to do that all the time. He can just casually mention things like the late 1300s in the first person, or his marriage to Lady Eleanor, or the fact that Robyn died when he was 20 (most likely as someone who looks mid-30s, Hob can only talk about Robyn or his death by making it sound like he died as a child, given how young Hob looks, especially in modern times, he'd get odd looks appearing 35-ish and saying he had a son die at age 20). Not needing to filter his personal experiences through historical anecdotes he'd "read" or altering the details to fit would be I think, strange, refreshing, perhaps deeply emotional, and very rare for him. Not because he'd never been able to be candid with others (like other immortals, or perhaps people he was close to that he opened up with) but Dream was actually there. He actually walked the streets of Tudor England, he actually knew Hob in 1389. I think it would be an aspect of being with Dream Hob would, y'know, "know" would be an aspect he looked forward to, only to be truly blown away by the reality of being able to openly, without thinking, talk about himself in a way he hasn't been able to do... possibly ever, with anyone.

[zoey-angel]

My A2K bias ranking:

Kendall - she has a soft voice and gentle attitude. It's true that introverts have a harder time making friends and shining in a group of people, but I can tell with time she will grow closer with the other girls and turn into the bubbly ray of sunshine I already see in her. Remember the camp was only 6 days so if she connected the best with Kaylee and the rest of their group, that's fine! It makes sense. People also called her jyp's favorite, that's because he can see that her character is good!! She's a hard worker and she may be a little shy but she's not rude or egocentric, doesn't feel like the stage is hers alone, gives it her best but is obviously a team player. This matches the polite and humble korean attitude better than the american one which prefers loud and charismatic people but isn't that good? I like it more. I really love her, consider me her fan! she's the one I'm rooting for the most out of everyone. I think her choice of songs to perform was super charming too<3<3

Kaylee - she's so young but definitely has what it takes to be a kpop artist. She's already handled such emotionally taxing experiences and helped everyone, and she obviously brings the team together, everyone loves her and idk why she didn't get a character stone, she really worked hard and gave it all she has which is super impressive!! I love her a lot and will be devastated if they eliminate her

Christina - Christina DESERVED the character stone, from the very start it was obvious how supportive and friendly she is towards all the other girls, she made sure to comfort them, gasped and awed, she emotes so well and seems like a fantastic person to be around. She showed chemistry for star quality which is really cute and fun! I loved her from the start and I hope she makes it all the way through<3

Savanna - her attitude and voice makes me feel safe and warm, as I said I love soft spoken people and Savannah definitely gives this. I knew she would make it and felt so proud when she did!! She gives me strong leader vibes too :)

Lexi - I like her a lot, I thought I wouldn't vibe with a person who did ballet for so long, but she unexpectedly had me the moment she danced to god's menu. I almost sobbed hoping she'd get in in episode 15.

Camilla - Camilla is a serious ace, she's perfect but I also didn't get too invested for this reason, I didn't feel any strong emotions or pressure to succeed from her end but I like her nontheless

Yuna - I really like Yuna, at first she didn't stand out to me but then her star quality changed everything, I rooted so hard for her and was so scared she won't make it, I think jyp did her so dirty by letting her stand there clutching Mischa's hand in literal tears, what the fuck, she obviously belongs with the other girls

KG - I like KG, I feel like she's got a lot of talent in her, but I also feel like she's meant to be a soloist. Like, even after the final performance I still can't see her taking 20 seconds max of a song, dancing out the rest while the other girls sing and being fine with that. She stands out from the others and I think she should embrace that instead of settling for jyp because she CAN do better

Gina - I like Gina, she does well in everything, she deserves to debut, I just don't feel her charm? It's like those girls back in school where there's nothing wrong with them they just aren't my friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ nothing else to say

Melissa - wildly controversial but I didn't like her star quality audition. I know she wrote that song from the bottom of her heart and wanted to show her writing skills, but for me it felt like she should be a soloist. She can't get an entire group to sing a song about her personal experiences, especially not when they only knew each other for a short time... I feel like the speciality of jyp is debuting groups that feel like families, a sibling dynamic, and this doesn't fit. Also, singing where you were asked to show any other talent makes me feel like there isn't anything... I'm sure there is, but the opportunity to see it was missed completely

[deyasworld]

Okay, the topic is relevant right now so I wanted to talk about my experience.

Look when I was in my early 20’s, it was a period of my life where every day my brain would be trying to come up with a suicide plan. There were many factors I wanted to straighten out before doing it, so they kept me from trying anything.

Every negative thought made sense at the time, I had heard the worst insults coming from people I loved, and I distanced myself from my friends and fandom and stopped drawing. I felt like I had nothing to show for myself, and the only two things I had I could lose any second, and would tell myself I preferred to lose Absolutely Everything, than withstand to lose things little by little.

Around the time those posts were made, I attempted on my life two times.

I was terrified of turning 25 and stay a failure, and I felt like a burden to my family. I felt like I was going to do my family a favor by dying, they wouldn’t have to worry about me burdening them anymore. I hated myself so much, I feared the thought of there being an afterlife forcing me to stay alive somehow. And maybe part of me still believes this, because yeah, the negative thoughts are right about many things.

But there is something I taught myself to understand.

I taught myself to see the bigger picture. I learned to be okay with what I have.

Truth comes in many colors, and life is a lot more complicated than black and white. And while my self critiques were true, they weren’t the only thing I had to show for myself. I had to be kinder to myself, because if I met someone on my same situation, I wouldn’t dare judge them the way I judge myself.

I could tell this because despite feeling my worst, I had so many people, who were not my family, and some that had never met me in person, who cared about me, and valued my smarts 🥺❤️‍🩹

They were only really asking for my opinions and sending me their ideas, but it made me feel important, like someone they were building their paths with. I felt validated, and listened, and just humbled that they’d made a space of their time for me 🥺

I used to be bullied by my entire class when I was a kid. It got to a point where everyone got tired of bullying me and they straight up ignored me. I was a very lonely child, and I had to learn to be okay with solitude. The fact that people sporadically want my attention makes me feel important, and validated 🥺💝

For a while one of my negative thoughts was that the only way someone could love me is if they don’t know me for real. To this day I’m scared of love. I dated a few people, and allowed myself to trust, and some of these relationships left me with scars, but I survived. I’m glad I allowed myself to love, even if I didn’t feel worthy of it.

I learned to be okay with myself. Even if I hate myself still, I learned to be okay with that. Healing does not mean denying, and growth does not mean enduring. I couldn’t be better, but that didn’t mean I had to hate myself. You HAVE to be okay with being flawed first if you want to get better, because if you want to hike up a mountain, you need comfortable shoes.

It takes time, and a lot of effort, but every bit is worth it. Be okay with being angry, be okay with not feeling like the best version of you, because if you want to be happy and better, you need to be comfortable with “failure”, because when you’re at the bottom you can only go up.

This shit ain’t easy, but honey, everyone is afraid of death. You’re already beating that fear, looking at death straight in the eye. You’re tough, and you’ve got guts. This depression is exhausting because you’re your body is literally fighting for your life, and every effort to keep it up is a fight worth winning.

It sucks because nobody sees it, everyone judges and nobody cares. But it’s okay. Be okay with not being okay.

Treat yourself with kindness. You deserve it. You wouldn’t be this rude to a stranger.

And most importantly, learn to love the little things, as stupid and normal as they are.

I went to see the Solar Eclipse nearby, and saw the Aurora Borealis in my backyard this year. I saw my favorite band in concert last year, thinking they would never tour again, and went on my first solo trip. I saw two shooting stars two days ago, and one very tiny one tonight.

Some places I used to love closed down, and I’m still sad about it, but I also got to try an ice cream shop that opened near where I live, and it makes me very happy. I have enough space in my heart for grief and joy, and I appreciate everything I learned from these experiences; my job now is to make sure I fight for the good things that are in my control, and make sure they can keep happening.

Love your friends. I know they’re just sending you memes, and I know maybe they have other friends they seem to like better, but the fact that they consider you at all says your presence matters, and if you don’t feel appreciated enough, you can try again with other people. Be the friend you want other people to be to you; understand people have limits, and nobody is perfect.

But above it all, be kind to yourself. It might not make sense, you might feel shame, and it sure as hell will be hard, but you deserve to love yourself. For the fuck of it, for the spite of it, or simply because it would be nice, it’s all valid.

Loving yourself is the hardest thing to do, but it’s worth every effort, because once you’ve learned to love yourself, everything else becomes easy.

It is absolutely possible to beat your depression, I beat mine years ago, but I still have Executive Dysfunction and I think I need medication.

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha. 

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

  @mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife  @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos. 

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.  

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok? 

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished. 

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways. 

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing? 

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out. 

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”. 

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

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God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

[midnightsunnyday]

Holiday dinner with the family (Black MC)

Summary: MC invites the brothers to meet their family for holiday dinner. As the day progresses, shenanigans ensue.

A/N: wrote this back during the holidays and is heavily influenced off my own familial experiences, yet exaggerated for fictional purposes. Either way, I hope you enjoy. 

Warnings: some curse language, mentions to sexual situations.

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1:00 PM

Lucifer: alright, we're here. For the record, I think this is a horrible idea.

Belphegor: you've already stated the record 30 times before getting here.

Lucifer: and just like the 90 times before getting here, let's go over the rules again, shall we? 

*everyone groans*

Lucifer: say them.

Everyone except MC: no using our powers, no mentioning we're demons, no mentioning we attend RAD, no mentioning we're the literal envoys of the seven biblical sins, no mentioning our actual ages, no mentioning our real names, no mentioning the Devildom, no stealing, no maiming, no sodomy, no hypnotism, no blasphemy, no betting souls, and no eating MCs family.

Lucifer: good.

Asmodeus: I'm so excited! I can't wait to show your family how wonderful I am.

MC: just make sure that's the only thing you show them.

Asmodeus: I promise I'll be a good demon. Well, as good as a demon can be.

Satan: again, I get why we had to change our names, but do they have to be so ridiculous?

Beelzebub: I like my fake human name. It’s cool.

Satan: well, I don’t. Mine makes me sound like an old man.

Mammon: um, guys? Levi's having a panic attack.

Leviathan: *hyperventilates into a sandwich bag*

Beelzebub: Levi, I know you're nervous, but you're breathing on my sandwich.

Leviathan: I can't do this, OK? Just let me sit in the car.

MC: Levi, you'll be fine.

Leviathan: Levi will not be fine. I can see them from the window. Why does your family have so many people? No way they'll want to meet--

MC: --what did I tell you about the self-deprecation?

Leviathan: but I--

MC: --listen, remember that anime we watched together: I'm a Demon Who Fell in Love With a Human and Now I Have to Meet Their Family but Little Do They Know I Have Horrible Social Anxiety?

Satan: these titles...are oddly specific.

Leviathan: oh yeah. In the end the whole family went to Hell for the wedding and was super accepting.

MC: the point is they were nervous too, but they worked through it together just like we all are. And do you know why?

Leviathan: why?

MC: because I love you, Levi, to hell and back.

Leviathan: *blushes* Alright, I'll do it. If it's for you, I'll fight all the forces of Heaven themselves!

MC: it's dinner Levi, not Armageddon, but I love the confidence.

Lucifer: good then. Now, let's get this over with. Diavolo help us all.

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1:15 PM

MC: which one of you gave my parents a $2000 bottle of wine? 

Mammon: $2000? I thought we agreed to give them gifts under $50?

Belphegor: that's right. Who’s the show off?

Lucifer: isn't it obvious? And please, they need to know that I'm the provider in this relationship.

Mammon: and what does that make the rest of us?

Lucifer: a pain in my ass.

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1:35 PM

MC: great. Now my mom won't stop bragging about "my baby's boyfriend."

Asmodeus: which one?

MC: very funny. And I'm talking about “Mr. Tall, Dark, and Bougie” himself. Though I don't recall mentioning you were my partner, Lucifer.

Lucifer: why mention the obvious, love?

Mammon: don't make me gag.

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2:25 PM

Satan: I don’t think your uncle cares for me much.

MC: why is that?

Satan: well, for one, he keeps referring to me as “white boy.”

MC: oh, no.

Satan: I know, right? Tell me, do I really look that pale? Granted the *whispers* Devildom doesn’t have much sun, but still. Do you think a tan would be beneficial?

MC: Satan?

Satan: yes?

MC: I love you.

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3:40 PM

Lucifer: one of the smaller humans asked me if they could "hold a 20."

MC: yes, I saw. In which you gave them twenty $100 bills.

Lucifer: yes, to hold. Is that not correct?

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3:53 PM

Mammon: MC why won't you let me near the spades table? I could be making a killing right now!

MC: because lives are at stake.

Mammon: wow that hurts, MC. Do you really think I'd hurt your family?

MC: no, I think my family would hurt you.

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4:13 PM

Leviathan: MC. MC. EMERGENCY. All your cousins kept asking if I had games on my phone, and I was like, "Duh, of course I do." Now they've taken my phone and won't give it back!

MC: *rises from their chair and walks off*

*the sound of screaming children is heard in the distance*

MC: there you go.

Leviathan: thanks, M…ew, why is it so sticky?

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5:05 PM

Asmodeus: now I know I said I’d be a “good demon,” but your aunt --

MC: --is married.

Asmodeus: oooh, so she’s a two for one deal, then?

MC: go sit in the car.

Asmodeus: but--

MC: IN THE CAR.

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5:48 PM

Satan: MC, I don't appreciate your family insulting my intelligence.

MC: what are you talking about?

Satan: every time a song comes on, they keep asking, "what I know about it?" It's infuriating.

MC: we really need to have a talk about colloquialisms.

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6:07 PM

Leviathan: I think Beel just killed MC’s dad.

Lucifer: WHAT?

MC: my dad isn’t dead, Levi, just winded.

Beelzebub: we were playing football.

Lucifer: out of all the games to play and you choose football?

Beelzebub: I said no, but they really wanted me on their team and well…I was having so much fun, that I forgot my own strength and threw the ball a bit too hard. I’m so sorry, MC.

MC: *pats his head* it’s OK Beel. Though it was hard explaining why you were capable of sending a man flying several feet through the air. On the plus side, no one wants to challenge you to anymore games.  

Beelzebub: that’s...probably for the best.

----------

7:00 PM

MC: Belphie where did you go? I haven’t seen you for several hours. *sniffs his clothes* and why do you smell like that?  

Belphegor: your house was way too noisy, so me and your cousins...went for a walk.

MC: for a walk, huh?

Belphegor: *shoves a handful of Doritos into his mouth* yep.

MC: …

Belphegor: …

MC: you’re high aren’t you?

Belphegor: I will neither confirm nor deny it.

----------

7:35 PM

Lucifer: are…are we praying?

MC: oh yeah, sorry. We always pray over the food before we eat. Don’t worry, it won’t take long

*three minutes pass*

Mammon: is it over yet?

Lucifer: *whispers* Beel, calm yourself.

Beelzebub: *shirt wet with drool* I’m trying!

*five minutes pass*

“And father god, we humbly ask that you protect everyone at this table from Satan and all his machinations, both physical and spiritual. May no evils prosper against them.”

Lucifer: yes, Lord.

Satan: *glares *

Lucifer: what? I was simply agreeing with said affirmation.

----------

7:42 PM

“In Jesus name we pray, Amen.”

Everyone: Amen.

Beelzebub: finally. We can eat.

Belphegor: an eight minute long prayer? Even Jesus would tune out.

Satan: they rebuked me so much during that I think I felt my skin burn a little.

MC: Beel, save some for everyone else, please.

----------

7:55 PM

“I see you have a lot of men around you these days, MC.”

MC: they’re my friends.  

“Funny that you have all these friends, yet not one of them is your husband.”

MC: *sips drink* I’m sure you would know a lot about having no husbands, considering you’re going through your third divorce.

Mammon: *chokes on his food *

Asmodeus: I love this family.

----------

8:05 PM

“So what did you all say you do again?”

Lucifer: Student affairs

Mammon: Entrepreneur

Leviathan: Digital media

Satan: English Literature Professor

Asmodeus: Image consultant

Beelzebub: Personal trainer

Belphegor: Mortician

MC: …

Belphegor: *smiles*

----------

8:55 PM

Belphegor: wait, we’re praying again? But we’re leaving.

Lucifer: at this point we’re so blessed we could qualify for sainthood.

Mammon: hang in there, bro.

Satan: I think I feel a few blisters forming.

----------

11:35 PM

Lucifer: well, that could have gone worse.

MC: see? Everything worked out.

Lucifer: other than a few mishaps, this evening turned out to be quite pleasant.

Asmodeus: right? I had so much fun with your family, MC.

Beelzebub: I think soul food is my favorite kind of food.

Satan: do you think we made a good impression?

MC: I’ve gotten nothing but notifications since we left. Everyone wants to know when I plan to bring back… *sighs* “my rich boyfriend and his brothers.”

Mammon: I resent that first part.

Lucifer: the part where I’m rich or the part where I’m their boyfriend?

Mammon: BOTH.

MC: you guys know you’re all my family, right? So just know you’re in this for the long haul. No backing out.

Lucifer: *smiles* as if we ever planned to.

[samwisethewitch]

Creating Sacred Space

Very few pagans have access to temples or holy sites. If you’re lucky enough to live in the country where your gods were originally worshiped, you may be able to visit ancient temples or sacred sites, but most of us do not have this opportunity. For most pagans, sacred space is something we have to create for ourselves.

On one level, this is very literal — pagans create physical spaces for their gods to inhabit, usually in the form of home altars. An altar is a table, shelf, or other flat surface that is set aside for religious or spiritual use. The altar is likely home to religious items or tools like candles, incense burners, or statues of the gods. It is the place where prayers are made and offerings are given. It is a place within the home that is set aside for the gods.

Like everything within paganism, the exact setup and uses of your altar depend on your tradition. Some groups, like some forms of traditional Wicca, require the altar to look a very certain way, with a collection of ritual tools arranged in the appropriate places on the altar. Other traditions are much more freeform.

Even if you have not chosen a pagan path yet, you may find it helpful to create a special place to connect with the divine. This could be an altar — even a simple one, like an unused shelf holding a white candle and a stick of incense — or another special place like a yoga mat where you do meditations, a special chair where you read spiritual literature, or a special place outdoors. Having a space set aside for spirituality and religion will help you to literally and metaphorically make room for these pursuits in your life.

To dedicate this space to religious pursuits, simply verbally state your intent to use it for that purpose. You might perform a simple ritual by lighting a white candle and saying something like, “I dedicate this space to the gods and to my growing relationship with them.” (It doesn’t matter if you don’t know yet which gods you want to worship.) Now you have a special place to return to when you want to connect with the divine.

You can also build altars to connect to other types of spirits, such as land spirits or ancestors. We’ll talk more about these kinds of altars in a future post.

Though guidelines for altar setup and maintenance vary from one pagan religion to the next, there are a few basic guidelines that are pretty much universal.

For one thing, your altar should be kept clean and tidy. Don’t pile non-religious items on your altar, make sure to clean up any candle wax or incense ashes left after a ritual, and try to keep dust from building up on your icons and statues. I am a generally messy person, but my altar stays clean as a sign of respect for my gods, even when the rest of my house is a mess. If you struggle to keep your altar tidy, schedule 10-20 minutes once a week to go through and clean it up. Think of this cleaning not as a chore, but as a loving service to your gods.

If you use your altar for food offerings, you should dispose of them after 24 hours or less. As we’ve previously discussed, some pagans eat their food offerings after the gods have had a chance to consume their spiritual essence, while other pagans feel that this is rude or taboo. In the latter case, many people choose a special place outside where they dispose of food offerings (if you do this, make sure the offering won’t harm local plant and animal life if left outside). Another option is to add food offerings to a compost pile — you can use the compost in your garden, perhaps for plants that are sacred to your gods (again, make sure your offerings are compost-friendly).

Keeping your altar clean also includes energetic and spiritual cleansing. Before rituals, you should cleanse your altar to ensure that you aren’t bringing any unwanted energy into your worship. Cleansing protocols vary from one tradition to the next and may include sprinkling the altar with blessed water, wafting incense smoke through the space, or using a special tool like a ritual broom or a bell. If you haven’t chosen a pagan religion yet, simply use the cleansing method that works best for you.

When caring for your altar, keep in mind that this is your gods’ space within your home. You want it to be comfortable for them. Like decorating a guest bedroom for a friend, you’ll probably want to choose items that are significant to the god or spirit being honored on the altar. For example, my altar contains a crow skull and feathers because crows are sacred to several of the deities I work with. Take your time to create an environment that will be welcoming to your god(s) of choice. (Again, if you aren’t working with any specific gods yet, you can still create a basic altar — follow the previously stated guidelines for keeping it clean and welcoming.)

While setting up and maintaining an altar or other special space is an important part of creating sacred space, it isn’t the only part. When pagans talk about “creating sacred space,” we are also talking about cultivating a certain mindset.

Just like you need to make space for the gods in your home, you need to make space for them in your life. It’s all well and good to call yourself a pagan, but if you never pray, make offerings, or think about the gods, are you really embodying pagan religious practice? If you’re going to talk the talk, you have to also walk the walk.

Creating sacred space in your life can take many forms. One of the most common (and convenient) is small daily devotional activities. These activities only take a few minutes and can easily be incorporated into your daily routine. This may include meditation, divination, or reading a few verses from a holy book. Even the act of lighting a fresh stick of incense on your altar in the morning can help strengthen your connection to your spirituality.

It can even be as simple as remembering to thank the gods when you see them at work in your life. I have a friend who is a Roman pagan, and he has a habit of verbally thanking Mercury (the Roman god of travel, among many other things) whenever he finds a good parking space or doesn’t have to wait at a red light. This kind of small acknowledgement may not seem like a big deal, but it works to integrate our worship of the gods into our daily lives.

Take a few moments, right now, to ask yourself how you can create sacred space in your life. What can you do to make the gods feel welcome in your presence? Try to think of a single change you can make in the next 24 hours to create this space. Write it down.

Commit to maintaining this new practice for at least three weeks. At the end of each day, write down what you did to create sacred space and how it made you feel. Do you feel a sense of peace? Do you feel the gods’ presence more strongly? Do you feel a sense of connection to something bigger than yourself? Write down these and any other thoughts on your new practice.

At the end of three weeks, look back over your notes. How did this practice change the way you feel about your spirituality? How did it change your relationship with the gods? If there was a positive change, try to continue integrating this practice into your daily routine.

If there was no change, that’s okay — this specific practice may not be for you, and there’s no shame in that. Choose a different practice and repeat the experiment. Keep at it until you find a way to create sacred space that works for you on your unique spiritual path.

In my humble opinion, it’s important to learn how to hold sacred space before you start investigating different pagan religions. Not only will it give you the basic tools you’ll need for religious ritual, but it will help you to discover your personal worship style and comfort zone. With this, you’ll be better able to determine which pagan path(s) is a good fit for you.

Resources:

Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Following the Sun by Sharon LaBorde

Where the Hawthorn Grows by Morgan Daimler

[terubakudan]

This may be an old article from 3 years ago, but these cultural aspects/observations still apply even today. And though this is strictly a Chinese perspective, a lot of these everyday life bits are observed in Overseas Chinese communities in countries such as The Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, etc. as well as countries heavily influenced by Chinese culture like Taiwan, Japan, and Korea.

I've always liked learning about other cultures and making comparisons between how things are done East vs West. Which probably stems from growing up with two cultures and Mom raising me on American movies xD

So the irony is if you asked me how many Chinese, Taiwanese, or Hong Kong actors I know, chances are I know as much as you do xD Like Jackie Chan, Andy Lau, and that's about it. But if you asked me about Western (specifically American and British) actors, then I have a useless brain dump of movie trivia and who was with who in what movie xD

Hmmm, both Taiwan and the Philippines are two distinct cultures but both look up to a certain country and are fascinated by that. In Taiwan's case, Japan and the US for the Philippines. In both cases, this is due to being under the rule of those countries in their history. Taiwan being under Japan for 50 years, and the Philippines being under Spain for 300+ years, followed by periods of American and Japanese rule. To put it simply though:

Taiwan is "mini-Japan with a very Chinese culture".

The Philippines is "former colony of Spain with lots of American influences".

But unlike the author, I've never set foot in any Western country, so my understandings are strictly what I've observed in media, which while it can be accurate, doesn't compare to actually experiencing the culture.

Some further elaboration on most points:

#1 We quite literally use chopsticks for everything. We use it to pick rice, viands, vegetables, fruit, smaller desserts, almost all the food you can think of.

But where do you put your chopsticks when you're not using them? Just put them on top of your bowl or flat on your plate. But do not ever stick them vertically. It's taboo, since it looks like incense sticks, which we use to pray for those who have passed, like our ancestors or during funerary services.

#3 The majority of Asia is obsessed with fair/white skin. In my time at the Philippines, I grew up watching all these Dove Whitening commercials and my classmates often commented on how fair my skin was, how they envied it etc. In Taiwan, girls often say they don't want to 變黑 (biàn hēi) 'become dark'. Japan and Korea too are not innocent of this either (if their beauty/skin products weren't a dead giveaway).

People here at Taiwan often mistake me for being from Hong Kong or Japan (as long as I don't speak Mandarin with my heavy accent xD). A Taiwanese classmate of mine joked that she often gets mistaken for being from Southeast Asia due to having a darker complexion. And while I laughed it off with her at that time, looking back, I now realize she was lowkey being racist. xD

And believe me Filipinas have mentioned literally being told 'your skin is so dark' here in Taiwan, or being given backhanded compliments like 'you're pretty despite having dark skin' and...*facepalms*

My point is, beauty is not exclusive to skin color. People who still think that are assholes.

#5 Not to say we don't have salt and pepper, but yes soy sauce and vinegar are the classic condiments you see on the table, be it at home or at a restaurant.

And if I may add, Taiwanese love their pepper. xD If you ever get to eat at a night market or a smaller "Mom n' Pop-style" restaurant here, some dishes/soups tend to add quite an excessive amount of pepper. Not like anthills, but quite liberally and way more than average. Enough that you see traces of pepper at the bottom of the food paper bag or swirling in your soup. xD

#6 I know this all too well from personal experience. In my years of studying at Taiwan, I always had roommates. 3 in my first school (I graduated high school in the Philippines pre K-12 so I had to make up 2 years of Senior High), followed by 2 in college, with the exception of 1 in freshman year.

My college did offer single person dorms but at around 9000 NTD ($324) per month compared to around 6000 NTD ($216) per semester. Because I wanted to save, the choice was obvious for me xD. But ah, this doesn't mean I don't value personal space, in fact I love having the room to myself, and since both my roomies would go home to their families every weekend, weekends were bliss for me xD

And you don't have to be friends with your roommates (that's an added bonus however), you just have to get along with them. I was quite lucky to have really great roommates all throughout my schooling years.

#9 In the Philippines, we do. Owing mostly to American influences and maybe being predominantly Catholic? xD

#10 *sigh* Chinese parents and parents from similar Asian cultures tend to put too much emphasis on grades, so much that kids could get sent to cram school as early as elementary. This is because what school you get into could literally affect your future job opportunities, and while that's not exclusive to any particular country/culture, I feel it's especially pronounced here in Asia. I'm really lucky my own parents weren't that strict about it. However, if your parents don't point the mistakes out to you, chances are you'll do it yourself, if you're an Asian kid like me anyway. xD It just becomes a habit.

#11 My family is an exception to this. xD We do say 'I love you' directly, but complete with the 'ah eat well ok?', 'don't scrimp on food', 'sleep well' and similar indirect words/actions of affection. We were doing 'Conceal, Don't Feel' before it became popular. xD

#13 I'm kind of confused about this but this has sort have changed over the years in which eye-contact is now more encouraged. But don't stare, especially at elders and authority figures. Sometimes it's just shyness though. xD And I've observed this with my own Taiwanese friend, especially when I'm complaining or ranting to her about something. xD I'm a person who likes to express my opinions strongly, which tends to scare/alienate some of the locals here, as doing so is kind of frowned upon. Thankfully, she does listen and offers her take on things.

#14 Ah this. xD In the Philippines, this is a common greeting known as beso-beso, and I freaked out too when an auntie did that to me. xD Needless to say, Mom lectured me later on what that was. ^^"

#16 Along with #3 another crazy beauty standard. In my view, people always look better with a little meat on them and when they're not horribly thin. Asia still has a loonng way to go with accepting different types of bodies if you ask me. This combined with modern beauty standards has made the pressure for women especially to 'look beautiful' higher than ever.

I know many people love them but please, starving yourself or glorifying eating disorders is never OK just to get this kind of 'ideal' body. I'm not part of the Kpop fandom, but even I think when idols get bullied just for gaining the least bit of weight among other insensitive comments, that's really going too far.

#17 'If you want to make friends, go eat.' <- I couldn't agree more. In the Philippines we have a greeting: 'Kumain ka na ba?' (Have you eaten?) . Similarly in Taiwan, we have 吃飯了沒? (chī fàn le méi), both of these can mean that in the literal sense but are often used as greetings instead. By then which invitation to having lunch/dinner together may or may not follow. Food really is a way for us to socialize and to catch up with what's going on in each other's lives. Not to say we don't have regular outings like going out to the mall, going shopping, etc. but eating together is a huge part of our culture, be it with family or friends.

And while I'm at it, some memes that are way too accurate good to pass up xD

Parents, uncles, aunties alike will fight over the bill xD

Alternatively:

You just space out until your name is called xD

My parents are guilty of the last one. Logic how? xD

#18 True. xD I like giving compliments out to people but I have a hard time accepting them myself, though I've learnt how to accept them much more now than before. We're kind of raised to constantly downplay ourselves so we often say things like 'ah no no' or 'I'm really not that good'. The downside of this of course is that it can come off as somewhat fake. xD

Again from personal experience, that same classmate who made the lowkey racist remark, she was good, she was on the debate team, was a honor student, knew how to mingle with people, but she downplayed herself way too much, while praising me but I honestly thought that she never really meant it from how she treated me. She wanted to keep me around her yet make backhanded compliments at me and she didn't want me socializing with my other classmate who is now my friend. *sigh* It was only after discussing this with one of my roomies did I realize how this 'excessive downplaying' might come off to people like me who more or less grew up with a more 'Westernized' mindset. I'm not saying brag about your achievements but don't be overly humble about them either, which can also be a turn off.

#20 We do tend to be a lot more realistic on how we view things, neither entirely optimistic nor pessimistic. We try to think of things practically and often analyze things on pure logic. A downside of this however, is that Chinese people can be overly practical. Taiwanese for instance don't like to 'find inconveniences' and generally keep to themselves, meaning, they won't help you in your hour of need even when they do have the capabilities. Sounds really harsh I know, but in my 6 years of living in Taiwan, while this doesn't apply to all the people, a lot of them really do only find/talk to you when they need something.

So for some people saying Taiwanese are 'friendly', that's BS xD If you ask me, Filipinos are infinitely more friendly, and again while not all, generally make more of an effort to help you when you need it. I really felt more of a real sense of community during my years growing up in the Philippines compared to Taiwan.

#21 Children do tend to stay with their parents well into college and adulthood, since Chinese families are indeed very family-oriented, in a lot of cases, grandparents often live under the same roof as us as well! And it really does save a lot of money. I see there's a real stigma in the US when it comes to "living with your parents", but that's starting to change especially because of Covid and having more and more people move back in with their parents.

Housing unfortunately is pretty much hella expensive no matter where you go, and Taiwan is no exception. Steep housing prices and the very high cost of raising a child (schooling + buxiban fees, etc.) contribute to a very low birth rate and thus an aging population like Japan. It's not uncommon to see both parents working in Taiwan.

#23 I'm an overthinker myself, but I totally agree with the author that the best is to strike a good balance between these two. Which I guess is why I love drawing or any other related creative attempts, it helps me be more spontaneous or well, creative! I like to remain intellectually or artistically inspired.

#24 Is French high school really like that? xD My friend did watch SKAM France and more or less got a culture shock from what was depicted on the show. I can confirm however that most high schools both in the Philippines and Taiwan require students to wear a uniform, only in college is everybody free to wear casual/civilian clothes.

#26 Ah this is part of our Asian gift-giving etiquette xD We always open gifts later after the event/meeting and in private. Never open them in front of the person who gave it to you or in front of others. This is to prevent any 'shame/embarrassment' that may result both to yourself and to the gift giver. I know this may come off as something weird since some people may want a more honest response or immediate feedback when it comes to gift-giving, but that's just how it is in our culture. You're always free to ask us though (in private) if we liked the gift or not ^^"

#28 I want to say the same goes to drinking, partying, and drugs however xD Those are things which are still frowned upon in our culture. And to be honest, whenever I see those in movies, it does kind of turn me off xD It doesn't mean that we're "uncool" or "boring", we just think that there are much better or healthier ways of "having fun".

#31 Is this true in France?! Man I would kind of prefer that instead of people being on their phones all the time xD This kind of goes with #20 in that Chinese are overly practical or logical, and don't read fiction as much as nonfiction. My Taiwanese friend is an exception though, she's a bibliophile who loves the feel of paper books compared to e-books, and it's a trait of her that I like a lot. Both the Philippines and Taiwan however have a huge fanbase when it comes to manga and anime though.

I'm all for reading outside of "designated reading" at schools especially. Reading fiction improves your vocabulary too, and can be quite fun! It helps you imagine and really invest in a world/story, and if you ask me something that I feel Westerners are better at, they're more in touch with their emotions and creativity, and are thus much more able to write compelling or original stories. Believe me, I've seen a fair amount of Chinese movies that rip off Western movie plotlines xD

#33 Nothing much to add on here..except that since I'm a "weird" person, Mom often jokes that she got the wrong baby from the hospital. xD

#35 True. While I agree with the care and concern that your fellow community can give you, the downside of this is we tend to only hang out with our own people, e.g Chinese with Chinese, Taiwanese with Taiwanese, etc. I've seen too that it's especially hard to make friends in Japan and Korea as a foreigner. Not only is there the language barrier, but the differences in culture too. In a way, Asians can be pretty close-minded on getting to know other cultures or actually making friends with people from other countries. I know this all too well being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, being neither "Filipino" enough nor "Taiwanese" enough. xD It's more of people here being too used to what they're comfortable with.

#36 Oh this is something I feel that Chinese students and other students from similar cultures should really improve on. xD How will people respect you if you don't speak your mind?

I felt bad especially for my Spanish teacher in college, granted it was an introductory course (Spanish I and II) but the amount of times that our teacher had to prompt a student to recite/speak even with clear hints already made her (and me too) extremely frustrated. The thing is, these are college students, I personally feel they don't have any reason to be so shy of speaking and technically by not doing so they're slowing the pace of the class too much and a lot of time is wasted.

Unfortunately you can't always be very vocal with your thoughts and opinions in most Asian cultures. I would say strive for that, but at the same time, play your cards well, especially if you're in a workplace setting.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading and here's a cookie! 🍪 I'm not perfect and there's bound to be something I missed so please let me know if you spotted anything wrong. Feedback/questions are very much welcome and please feel free to share about your country/culture's differences or similarities!

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

Gus and Skimbleshanks for the character ask!

All of them?? Oh, gee, okay um...

I'll tell you what - I'll answer all of them for Gus for now, and then perhaps answer them all for Skimble in the future (depending on interest level).

Alright, let’s see...

Gus

Already answered 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 here!

1. Something this character is truly proud of

Gus is extremely proud of his accomplishments throughout his life, and extremely proud of how he worked up from nothing to get where he is - and he will humbly boast about these accomplishments until the cows come home, ask anyone in his proximity.

But, if I may take a moment to be as sappy as a possibly can, what Gus is *most* proud of is his legacy - aka, his children and his grandchildren. Though he never thought he’d be the nurturing type, and he still really isn’t, there is not a soul alive that has come into contact with Gus the Theatre Cat that does not know of his son and daughter, and later, his group of grandkittens. That’s why he’s always lamenting at the young ones that they “think they’re smart” when they do the bare minimum when he *knows* that they’re able to accomplish more than that.

2.Who they want to please the most.

Gus is, quite literally, a crowd pleaser. He’s a showman, so of course he is. He wants to please his audience, his director, his fellow castmates...all at once. He is also very proud when he manages to please his fellow cats or people in his family - for making a name for himself, for getting somewhere, for reaching such prominence as just a *cat* for crying out loud. He’s made it, and that makes him feel happier than anything else considering where he started.

When kittens tell him that they want to be like him someday, he positively beams.

3. Who depends on them.

His children depended on him for the longest time, but he kinda blew it with that one for a good chunk of their lives - and by the time he had started to come around, they were already independent, and it’s one of his biggest regrets that he didn’t come around sooner.

Nowadays, no one really depends on Gus for physical things or favours, but there are many members of the tribe that depend on him to listen and to talk to them. Gus has a way of spinning situations simply so that they make sense, an eccentric conversation style that is both pleasant and distracting, and is able to read the room *extremely* easily. It’s a little spooky how easily Gus can pick up on a situation, with very little conversation, and how smoothly he can transition conversation/interaction style if necessary. Gus can be rather blunt and honest to a fault, but you’d be hard-pressed to find better life advice than from him.

(If we go with my Gus and Bella are siblings, theory, she used to depend on him a lot when they were young, since their parents also weren’t around much - what goes around and all that - to protect her and watch her)

4. What they would do if they had one month to live

Well...I mean...what is he doing now?

Sorry. A younger Gus would have said he would press on with whatever he was doing at the time. He’d want to be back in the pub with his friends, late into the night. He’d love to get a final dramatic monologue in, a final curtain call; die doing what he loves instead of caught up in a bed.

Now, well, Gus is well aware - somewhere in the back of his mind - that he’s not going to live a long time. He knows the end is nearing. All he really wants is quiet - after a life lived out loud, if he could just collect himself enough to sort everything out one thing at a time, and quietly work through each day he would be grateful. Bored to death, perhaps, but grateful.

He’d like to maybe see Bella again, before he goes.

5. A cherished personal belonging.

The blanket Gus began to wear around his shoulders used to be where his wife and children slept and where his grandchildren currently play, and it has a whole cacophony of different scents attached to it. He hates being parted with it. When things get overwhelming for him, he buries himself in it, curling himself under a literal blanket of familiarity - even if he isn’t quite sure *why* it’s familiar.

11. This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing.

He has a pair of gloves that his wife also made for him that Jelly has patched over the years because they’ve worn thin. She ended up having to cut the fingers off and hem them when they became more hole than glove.

He also has a scarf given to him by one of the theatre patrons from an earlier show of his - a little girl with her mother who was only truly fascinated with the cat on stage, and didn’t understand why they didn’t give him a costume as well. She was helping by giving him hers.

12. How they sleep.

He snores and mutters in his sleep, to the point where he seems to have entire conversations with himself. He’s also rather fitful. The kittens are wary of sleeping anywhere near him, since he has been known to jerk awake suddenly and kick out in alarm (and doesn’t he feel guilty the few times that *has* caught a few of them in the ribs or the legs)

13. What kind of parent they would be.

Well he *is* one, and the answer to that question would be not a *great* one, but not a *bad* one either. Gus is a fun parent, a loving parent, a proud parent, but he isn’t the best parental figure. He isn’t so great with discipline, nor is he great for showing up to anything on time.

I’d say Gus’ strength as a parent came from his unfailing willingness to go along with whatever scenario his children would cook up - from pirates to knights and princesses to aliens - Gus was always willing to jump into the game should they invite him to play with them. And you know he threw his entire self into it, too.

14. How they did in school

Gus would have a been a “graduated from Juilliard” kinda guy, if the timeline matched up - or if he could have afforded it.

As it stands, he didn’t really finish school. Not necessarily out of any inability to do so, but a complete and total lack of interest. He held odd jobs mostly, to support his family, which led him to quietly quitting school. He figured anything he wanted to learn would be just as good coming from direct experience or working under a mentor than a formal education - and it got him where he is today, so all in all not bad.

15. What cologne or perfume they would use

There is a very specific one that my grandfather uses that smells exactly like something Gus would wear - it’s that standard older gentleman scent - kind of like...Aqua Velva but softer - that is slightly on the pricy side, but not ridiculously so. He doesn’t bathe in it, but he uses it religiously.

He *used* to dip into a Chanel perfume that one of his actress friends gave to him after one of their shows wrapped, that he *kinda* thought just smelled a lot like lightly spicy rubbing alcohol but felt it polite to at least...use it - when that finally ran out and he curiously checked on its price...he never even looked at it again.

(”Ridiculous...I may as well douse myself in a bottle of gin it’ll give off the same effect!”)

16. Their sexuality

Gus is bisexual and biromantic, with a preference for Queens, but he’s had several trysts with Toms as well. He was quite the paramour in his younger days.

17. What they’d sing at karaoke

Gus finds karaoke to be absolutely *dreadful* in that he legitimately does not see the fun in it OR its purpose.  And that’s coming from a cat whose whole job it is to perform.

So count him out of that. He’ll monologue on the spot for you, though, if he is so inclined.

18. Special talents they have

Gus used to be extremely good at remembering people’s names - even after just one introduction or overhearing it once (Jelly gets that from him).

He's very good at patter songs and tongue twisters. He also used to delight his kits by speeding through the alphabet backwards.

He can clock a person's personality within literally seconds of knowing them - and he's usually right.

He plays piano and was the one who taught Jelly to play. He can’t so much anymore with his shaking hands.

19. When they feel safest

Gus feels safest in the light when he's able to see everything. He never got stage fright, per say, but would get waves of nerves when he was directly in a spotlight - with the rest of the stage dark around him...like he was being swallowed. He would get nervous to move out of it - the lighting techs needed to be *very* on the ball if the director called for a total blackout (he only really trusted two of them).

20. Household chore they hate the most

Cooking. 100%. Can't stand it. Does not know how the oven works. Cannot adjust to picky palettes well. Definitely a take out dad.

21. Their fondest childhood memory

(Sibling AU) When Gus and Grizabella were children, they put on “Cinderella” (which Bella insisted would be changed to “Cinderbella” because of course. Gus goes along with it because *whatever fine his mother told him that he was the big brother and had to be nice to her*) as one of their very first collaborative plays together - they were around 8 and 6 respectively. They had already put on dozens of little skits and read-throughs and imaginary games, and they loved doing it.

Bella *refused* to be anyone other than Cinderella and Gus refused to play the prince (because it meant he had to *kiss his sister yuck*), so instead it was really “Staring Grizabella as Cinderella and Asparagus as *literally every other part except for Prince Charming*.- they spent hours trying to figure out how the quick changes would work, and making script changes, and hanging sheets behind them for curtains, and Bella glued together a tiny little suit for her teddy bear who would play the prince instead.

All in all, it went about as well as they could have expected - a bit of a disaster. They put it on for their father, who watched with tired eyes and a patient smile, and applauded enthusiastically at the end - and they both decided right then and there that that was what they would do for the rest of their lives.

He considers that his first stage credit.

22. How they spend their money.

Honestly, Gus’ money spending habits are very strange. He will buy himself a new car *once* and then run the thing into the ground until it physically can’t run anymore, won't buy new clothes until you can see through the old ones, will *always* weasel his way out of paying for alcohol at a bar (he has *many* tricks up his sleeve for this one), and he will refuse to spend his money on other frivolous things, but you bet your dollar that he is literally always shelling out money to his grandchildren just because - saying it would be their little secret, and one time bought a bird house because it "spoke to him" but never bothered to hang it up or actually use it.

23. What kind of alcohol they drink

Well, he used to be a “whatever I am given I will drink and I will probably drink *too much*” kind of guy, but since cutting back he’ll moreso partake in brandy or gin, but only in very small doses.

24. What they wish they could change about themselves

There are several things that Gus wishes he could change from the past, but the one thing he wishes he could truly change about himself in the present is how much of a burden he feels he’s become to the others (he's not but he feels that way). Gus is a proud cat, he will admit that. And with that pride comes mourning of his own independence.

Sometimes, when Jelly is helping him do things - like button up his coat or helping him to eat - he just looks at her forlornly and murmurs “My poor dear. You shouldn’t have to do any of this.”

He also wishes that there wasn’t a period of time that his familial relationships were so strained because of him putting his career first, but he can’t really change that so much as try his best to make up for it.

25. What other people wish they could change about them

Gus has the tendency to be a little...let’s say *long-winded*. And a little hypercritical. He holds himself to a high - near-impossible - standard, so he also has a bad habit of holding others to that same standard.

[danzinora-switch]

A Worthy Cause

I’ve long harbored the belief that everyone has a cause or issue that they’re best suited for. When I read stories about people who visit the elderly in nursing homes, or engage in prison ministry, or march to a protest they believe in 100% I am always in awe of their commitment. Some people are very passionate about addressing homelessness. Some are equally passionate about LGBT youth. Some devote their lives to helping disabled veterans. Some travel the world to provide aide in developing nations. Some want to save the environment. Everyone has gifts and strengths and I believed everyone has a different cause or mission where they can use those unique gifts and strengths (not that I believe everyone becomes a die-hard advocate, but that there is a particular advocacy for everyone).

I’ve also wondered about when I would finally learn what mine was.

As heart-wrenching as any cause is, I do have a tendency towards apathy and cynicism. Compassion fatigue sets in extremely quickly for me. My nihilistic side often wins out whenever the news plays yet another disaster, or tragedy, or chronic problem in society. Caretaking is not my forte. My heart doesn’t actually go out to so many marginalized groups. While I understand that problems need to be collectively addressed, my affective empathy is still pretty low. After all the protests from 2015 to present, and my college years, I began to think that nothing would ignite my soul like it did for so many other people marching to so many things.

And then Nickelodeon canceled Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Honestly, it may sound really small in comparison to all the great causes I’ve mentioned: you won’t get fired up about poverty, women’s rights, or injustice, but a kid’s show does it for you? Are you that shallow? THERE ARE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA!

And yet, I’m doing things I’ve NEVER done before: I’m signing petitions, I’m donating money, I’m active on social media, I got a TWITTER for crying out loud. I’m sending emails, telling my friends and coworkers what’s happening, making content and if we had in-person protests for this I would 100% make a sassy poster and be there. I don’t feel that fire dying anytime soon, either, which is amazing.

Maybe I am shallow. Or maybe the small causes are important, too. Maybe the big issues ignite my cynicism and will always be there despite our progress, but for this one, small, thing yes maybe I CAN make a difference. God knows I want to.

Storytelling has always been a part of me. I’ve written little stories since I was a kid. I started video editing at 14 and discovered fandoms at 16. I went to film school. I’ve been in love with movies and TV shows and trailers for most of my life. I’ve even been on the Nickelodeon lot. Most of the shows I love had already ended their run by the time I found them - Firefly, Star Trek: TOS, and Hogan’s Heroes to name a poignant few. Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is the first show I’ve been this obsessed with that is actually CURRENT - and I’m alive here and now to actually do something about this crummy decision.

When asked if I could go back in time and change one thing, my answer for the longest time was ‘to give Hogan’s Heroes a series finale’ or ‘Star Trek more seasons’. But the past week has offered me a strange perspective: I would change my answer to ‘make sure Rise doesn’t get canceled’ but I can’t commit to that because IT’S NOT OVER. This isn’t the past, this is NOW. We have the chance to alter the timeline. No wishful thinking, just action. It’s... exhilarating, and I think I finally understand what all the other people protesting for change feel.

For such a tumultuous year, Rise is something good and precious. The world is literally going to shit, but being able to sit down and simply enjoy a wholesome, hilarious, and well-done cartoon has been an immense joy. I’ve felt like a kid again, laughing off all the struggles of the adult world for 20 minutes at a time. This show single-handedly inspired me to edit amvs again, a hobby that put me on the path to film school but that I had not indulged in for 3 years. It also snapped me out of a daze and gave me writing projects again. I’ve been able to share the show with my mother, and it keeps us connected even 5 states away. And I’m not the only one - I’ve seen so many other wonderful people in this fandom who were also inspired, lifted out of darkness, and brightly engaged by this humble show. It has actually changed lives.

And maybe that’s something we forget as we get caught up in all the latest newsworthy angst. That at times when humanity was going through darkness, it was the little things that kept us going. Dancing. The movies. Looking forward to the next issue of a comic book. That one pet or houseplant that you have to keep alive that becomes your reason for staying alive. A funny bird outside your window. Let me tell you what happened at lunch today!

Perhaps the small issues are just as important as the big issues. It’s probably not even a competition. But for me, I’m glad I’ve found my cause. I’m glad I finally get to experience this passionate fire. It seems there IS something I’m suited for, after all. I’m not an apathetic monster. I’m not a cold robot. There are things in this world I care deeply about.

So thank you @nickelodeon, @netflix ; this warrior just found her spirit.

#saverottmnt 

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Brooke Lewis Bellas

Brooke Lewis Bellas can currently be seen in the film The Mourning. She also brought her talent to the role of Pam Deluca in the comedy ½ New Year, about a tight-knit group of friends letting loose at their annual Half New Year Party. Brooke is a veteran of the horror genre and is returning to those roots with a role in the upcoming zombie film set in 1950’s Hollywood, The Day of The Living Dead. Her other film credits include the critically-acclaimed films Psycho Therapy, iMurders, and Sinatra Club, opposite Danny Nucci. Brooke’s TV credits include Fox’s Quintuplets. She will next be seen in the steaming series Red Rooms, which she also produced. Alongside her acting work, Brooke is a life coach and author of Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess, is a Celebrity Ambassador for the Breaking The Chains Foundation, participates in LA Mission Feed The Homeless, and is a staunch LGBTQ and AIDS Activist.

You have worked extensively in the horror genre—what is it that draws you to that particular genre?

I have always embraced my inner detective and have loved solving mysteries. No wonder I have been a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock and Brian De Palma most of my life! I was also obsessed with vampires as a young girl and loved the ‘80s horror films when I was growing up. I have always been drawn to the darkness, unknown, mystery and escapism that horror offers. I also love how the horror genre embraces women of all body types (and curves) and offers strong roles for women!

If you could, is there anything that you would want to change about the horror genre?

If I could change anything about the horror genre, it would be the mainstream and public perception. Horror is often perceived as B-movie quality, evil, cultish, or less respectful than comedy or other genres, and that can be a false perception. There are many mainstream movies that we have all loved throughout the history of cinema and these are the type of horror genre films that I grew up watching. I have never been a fan of gratuitous horror and I could reference my favorites, from Alfred Hitchcock to Agatha Christie to Stephen King to Brian De Palma to the current thrillers and mainstream entertainment brought to us by Blumhouse or Jordan Peele, that are timeless. I wish people would understand how smart some of these screenplays are, the subtext of the stories being told. I wish the judgment and stigma of a lot of horror would be removed.

What would you say makes for a good scene partner?

I have been fortunate to act opposite some veteran greats and brilliantly talented actors, and I would, humbly, say that the most important components that make for a good scene partner are generosity, vulnerability, and openness—a partnership in which we listen and support each other. I have worked for over 20 years as an actress in this crazy industry, and there is little I have not experienced. I cannot say that working opposite the most “talented” or trained actors have necessarily been the best scene partner experiences for me. But working opposite generous actors who give and who support you, as you do for them, and you become like a well-oiled machine where the parts work better together...those actors who want you to succeed, who want to bring out the best in you, and you and them, a give and take—that is when movie magic is created!

1/2 New Year is a comedy, so can you tell us what drew you to the project? Can you tell us a little bit about the role of Pam?

½ New Year is an indie film with heart about a group of young people in their 20s who come to Hollywood, not necessarily for the entertainment industry but to live the life…live their best life…live their dreams…live that excitement that we all grow up seeing in movies, and yet, it is not always that simple. And, it is not always that glamorous or fun. We see how these relationships and people are glued together. I think the tagline sums it up best: "Friends are the family you get to choose." So, it is about a group of friends that go through the ups and downs of young life in Hollywood, and they learn that all you really have is love and friendship. I play Pam DeLuca, the big sister of Reed DeLuca (Drew McAnany). The film displays how sometimes we have family out here that is far away from our biological family, and it is what we go through, and the support we need to get from the worst of times to the best of times. It is very 80’s throwback and I think that's what I love so much about it. I met our star, writer, and producer, Drew McAnany, in Hollywood over ten years ago. Drew originally started out hosting in LA, and he was working at E! Entertainment when he interviewed me on the red carpet. He asked me about Philly, and we quickly bonded during that meeting, so he really became like a little brother to me. Like so many young actors in Hollywood, Drew was fighting to get a break for himself as an actor, so he created ½ New Year as a vehicle for himself to star in. He also wrote the role of his big sister, Pam DeLuca (from Philly), for me to act in. We had worked through a few years of table reads and different directors and producers, then Georgia Menides jumped on board, did the re-write on the script, then became the producer who made it happen. Along with producer Zach Block, they hired Tom Morash as our director to creatively guide this project.

I am honored and grateful to have had Pam DeLuca written specifically for me. I think that is something every actor and actress wants in their career. Pam is in her 30’s, and a bit older than her brother Reed and his friends. They are Italian from South Philly, so they argue, but are very close. Pam is part of the gang, but she is like the "mother hen" to them. Her journey is about protecting her brother and giving guiding advice to the girls they hang out with, including the gorgeous leads, played by Bo Youngblood, Shanley Caswell, and Rebecca Vinagro. She also likes to have flings with Reed's young, handsome buddies, including Marty (played by Jermain Alverez Martin). Pam is an on-screen example of what we go through in "Hollywood life”: She is single and all about her career, she loves to party and doesn't want to grow up! The film released in the USA on all TV On Demand and has just been released on Amazon Prime and Tubi TV.

What’s the funniest/weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you on a film?

Oh, I have had many! I truly feel that being an actor and producer in the independent film world involves a whole other level of funny and weird experiences! When you do not have big budgets to deal with, you have to get creative in other ways. So, one funny story that I would love to share was my experience of being one of the producers on a film titled Sinatra Club, that I was fortunate to get to act in, opposite Danny Nucci from Titanic, Jason Gedrick from Iron Eagle, Ellen Hollman from Spartacus, Michael Nouri from Flashdance, and the list goes on and on, with an incredible cast of talent we assembled. And, what was so cool was I found the script in 2004, we filmed in 2009, and it was distributed in 2011, so it was a very long and challenging development period for an indie project, but one of the wildest memories I have was the fact that the story is based on a true story about the night John Gotti became John Gotti, so for all of the mobster history and movie buffs who are reading this, I was so fortunate to be a part of history in the making with this film. This film is based on Sal ‘Ubatz’ Polisi who went into the witness protection program for releasing information on John Gotti and his crew, and when he came out of the witness protection he wrote the story of his life in the Mafia. It was so wild to work on a project for so many years where we would literally meet at 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 12 o’clock at night in privacy and secrecy at the Sportsmen’s Lodge in Studio City, California, in hotel suites and we would hold our production meetings there!

You actively support many varied causes, how did you get involved in activism?

I was born with a philanthropist's heart and have always been a supporter of giving back in whatever way we can. I was spearheading events in college to run around Philadelphia and feed the homeless with my sorority sisters. Now, I am so grateful to have whatever little “celebrity” status or recognition I have that can help make a difference. I feel blessed and responsible to give back through my artistic endeavors and through my work. I am a believer in activism and I typically work with numerous charities at a time. I am a celebrity ambassador for the Breaking the Chains Foundation that cultivates healing through art for those who have experienced eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and body image issues. I am active in charity work with the Los Angeles Mission on Skid Row and helping to feed the homeless. I have been active in several Breast Cancer charities and events, as I have lost people whom I loved to breast cancer over the years. I have also been active in quite a few charities and philanthropies to support AIDS research. I authored and have donated my book, titled Ms. Vampy’s Teen Tawk: There’s A Lotta Power In Ya Choices, to support teen girls. And, in giving back to the world, I find that it brings so much fulfillment and gratitude to my own heart.

What does your allyship mean to you?

My allyship means everything to me, both personally and professionally. My empathic heart has always been wired to help others. I do not perceive myself as a person with power or fame, but I am incredibly grateful that I have been afforded the opportunities throughout my career to give back, to take a stand, and to help those who have been marginalized in some way. I am a proud philanthropist and activist, and I feel it is my duty to serve. Throughout my life, I have often felt misunderstood or that I did not belong, and I have dealt with my own challenges and struggles, so I am known to “fight for the underdog” and support those in need.

You are a certified life coach, what’s the best advice you have ever received, and, in your opinion, the best advice you’ve ever given to somebody?

As an actress and life coach, I am a huge proponent of having a strong support system of professionals in my stable. I feel that all creatives and health professionals should have their own support system and professionals to turn to. At the end of the day, I have received such incredible advice from my professionals—my life coach of many years, Lori Bertazzon, and my actress empowerment coach, Michelle Colt. One of my favorite pieces of advice that Lori Bertazzon has given me occurred a few years back when she supported me in creating my own set of personal commandments at the beginning of the year. These are commandments that I consistently refer back to, that help to empower me and help to create breakthroughs when I am having breakdowns in my life or career. Michelle Colt has also given me unbelievable advice and support in her workshops to strengthen my soul as an actress, and I have to reference a recent funny one because I love it so, and she knows me so well: our mantra, “No more shenanigans!”. It is something that I hold near and dear to my heart daily. 

Humbly, I think the best advice I have given over the years was born from my Ms. Vampy web series for teen girls, where I created a catchphrase that I cherish: “When faced with fear, dig deep inside, find your inner Vamp, and… Vamp It Out!”. To this day, my now-adult cast will send me messages that they used this catchphrase. I use it as an adult (you do not have to be a teenage girl to appreciate it) and when I am fearful or trying to have a breakthrough, I dig deep inside and I Vamp It Out! My other favorite catchphrase advice was so powerful for me, I actually named my life coaching business after it: “Be You… And, Be Fearless!” 

Has your training as a life coach ever helped you to prepare for a role/project? How?

I really love this question, because one may think that different careers or skill sets cannot help the other, but I have found that my training as a board-certified life coach has helped me tremendously to prepare for a role or project in a few ways. First, I am now very mindful and aware of the “mind chatter” and I am more able to catch myself in it. When I enter a space of fear or anxiety, I am able to coach myself off the ledge. Even more compelling, is that when I went to school at the Life Purpose Institute to become a board-certified life coach, I learned early on that a very important component of life coaching is “listening without an agenda”. This has helped me exponentially as an actress, because when you are acting and you're truly in the moment, you need to be listening without an agenda, as well. A true response should come from your instincts and that is so wild to me because now I am able to catch myself when I am preparing for a project and I am anticipating what the character will say to me next, and I can catch myself listening with an agenda of what they will say, and I know that I'm not in the moment as an actress.

How can mental well-being and self-care help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship?

I cannot stress enough how strongly I believe that mental well-being and self-care can help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship and our own personal strength—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I actually speak about this in my book Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess: “When you give to yourself and allow yourself to replenish, you have so much more to give to others and will feel so much stronger inside.” I am still working on this, diligently, but when we learn to take care of ourselves and focus on our mental, spiritual, and emotional strength, we understand what it means to feel and give from our hearts. We become inspired to give back and to support people, causes, and have a passion, purpose, and mission, outside of ourselves.

What can you tell us about your latest projects The Second Age of Aquarius, Stripped, The Mourning, and Red Rooms?

At a time when the world is upside down and we do not really know where our next jobs will come from, I feel very blessed that I had acted in, and produced, a few projects that wrapped prior to COVID-19. My Psycho Therapy (Amazon Prime) film director, Staci Layne Wilson, wrote a film with Darren Gordon Smith (Repo! The Genetic Opera). Those two are so crazy talented. It is a fun indie gem. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but it’s The Second Age of Aquarius. It is a comedy, with a little bit of a Sci-Fi twist and a lot of music. It’s really sweet and clever. I’m an Executive Producer and I act in it. I play Tawny Stevens. She’s a young mom, stuck in the eighties, as an eighties, New Jersey, rocker mom. Wait until you see my hair, my make-up, and my leopard pants. I did the Jersey accent. I can’t wait for the film to come out! We also wrapped a TV pilot Stripped. It is a Comedy/Drama. It is a TV pilot that was written and directed by Marc Clebanoff, who also directed the film The Mourning, which stars Michael Walton, Louis Mandylor, Dominique Swain, and Larry Hankin. I was both an actress and a co-producer. The Mourning is a cool Sci-Fi/Love Story that just released on the new Tubi TV streaming channel. Stripped was a passion project. I was also one of the producers with Marc and Frank Krueger (also stars in it). I played Jules, the publicist to the star, Chris Cameron, played by Casper Van Dien. It was created by Mark Clebanoff and late actor, Kristoff St. John. They had created the concept before he passed on, which is such a sad situation, but Marc wanted to carry on his legacy, and he did, and we did. It is such an incredible cast, and series, we are all proud of. Lastly, at the start of COVID-19, my creative instinct kicked in and I knew I had to create to stay somewhat “sane”, so I spent most of the quarantine producing and filming a virtual streaming series. Red Rooms was conceived and completed out of “isolation inspiration”! Joshua Butler and I had been in development on a project and had been reminiscing about our favorite industry days of yesteryear when we met on the horror film circuit. I had already been a superfan of Joshua’s work for years. In 2019, we shot a proof of concept for our project, which paid homage to his hugely successful film VLOG (2008) from the producers of SAW, which went on to become a hit TV series. When COVID-19 hit Hollywood and we were all in isolation, I called for a production meeting, then suggested we use the footage we shot and attempt to experiment by filming each character virtually from their homes. Red Rooms stars horror film and TV veterans Brooke Lewis Bellas (iMurders), David Alpay (The Vampire Diaries), Suze Lanier-Bramlett (The Hills Have Eyes), Ricky Dean Logan (Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare), and Noah Blake (Teen Witch). We are currently working on post-production and cannot wait to see where we end up!

Thanks for taking the time, Brooke! 

Photographer: Birdie Thompson | Hair and Makeup: Allison Noelle

[writev]

nct dream as office interns

(this is based on my own experience at a news journal which had cubicles and threw a lot of events so take that as you will lol)

renjun:

• the type to always have extra pencils

• puts a lot of effort into studying korean to the point where he can even help employees who have been there for a couple years

• secretly complains to his friends but stays polite to his employeer

• considered very responsible

• hums quietly while doing grunt work like copying

• felt really proud the day he got his work badge

• instantly sent a pic to his parents ;-;

• a lot more extroverted/comfortable around the other interns

• teases them... a ton

• whenever someone needs help they know they can go to renjun

• spends time shadowing the reporters and photographers

jeno:

• h a n d s o m e

• it seriously intimidates people oml

• he showed up to his internship interview in a white button down and thin black tie and the secretary was Shocked okay

• just like "uhh the modeling agency is down the street ???"

• and he just kinda laughs and says hes here for an internship and shes like ???? okay ??

• he somehow stays humble god knows how-

• certain workers give him a ton of work out of envy and others go super easy on him, it depends

• so one day he's got nothing to do and the next he's running around for 8 hours straight

• poor kiddo

• theres a few cats in the alleyway next to the office so he brings them bits of food on his lunch break

• one of his co-workers notices and she starts feeding them on his days off

jaemin:

• the secretary is seriously confused when did the interns get Like This

• outgoing/confident to the extreme

• flirty but wbk

• does a lot of work with their sponsors, sweet talks people into attending charity events, etc

• he's just an intern but already indispensible

• they're Really trying to give him job offers so he doesnt go work for a rival company lmao

• he's also decent with stuff like phone interviews and press conferences

• since he started interning, their event attendance has gone up at least 20% he's a miracle worker

• flashes smiles, shakes hands, boom 50k for charity

• he really works hard tho, its not all natural talent

• literally keeps notes so he can remember names/companies

haechan:

• here we gooooooooo

• decorates the shit out of his cubicle

• small posters, stickers, pictures of his friends, sticky notes with reminders, all that

• his desk is Chaotic

• every color imaginable of paperclips, pens, sticky notes, and folders

• another one who shadows reporters

• always wants to be where the action is but most of the time only experienced employees can go

• tried courtroom reporting once and Never Again

• a 6 hour trial no ty

• constantly finding breaking news on twitter

• almost always the first to know about a new press release and no one knows his secret theyre going insane

chenle:

• the ceo's son

• never really had an interest until a few of his friends joined the journalism club and he found it fun

• just here for a good time tbh

• wants to learn as much as he can about as many things as possible

• so much energy

• like so much

• how

• could have had an easier time bc yknow ceo's son but he chose to go through the same interviewing process as everyone else

• doesn't want people to be able to say he got the internship only bc of his family

• hardworking kid

• ofc renjun is practically his big brother now

• the two of them talk a lot and it's adorable

jisung:

• i can see him being decent with computers

• helps run the website and make sure everything is functioning

• updates their old ass web design

• sometimes people ask him to help with their cameras and he's lost

• yeah not his area of expertise

• he's the youngest intern so he gets pretty coddled lol

• sometimes gets stuck proofreading articles

• it's so boring but he's good at it

• brags when he can point out jeno or haechan's errors

• likes being given tasks one at a time, otherwise they pile up and he's stressed

• usually grabs lunch with chenle :)

• v shy around the older workers but tries his best

[xcleanx]

So since 2019 is about to end I decided to make a list of people who inspired and influenced me this year and shaped to the person I am today!

@taylorswift - Taylor, of course. Your music has helped me a lot this year, especially during hard times. Everything you say and do inspire me to be a better person, fight for myself and respect myself. Every day I’m so grateful for you and I couldn’t wish for a better role model. Thanks to you I met so many amazing people who became my friends and were there for me when I needed them the most and I will never stop being grateful for that. You gave me so much this year and taught me a lot and you make me proud every day. I love you and I hope to hug you next year ❤️

@swiftlove89 - Gulcan you’re that person who is always here for me and who I know for so long. I will never forget how our friendship started - me asking for the tumblr usernames and you giving me yours and then you reblogging one of my reblogs and then Taylor liking it 🥺 It was back in late 2018 and it was my first notice ever and I will never forget this. Not only because it was the first time Taylor actually acknowledged me but also because you showed that no matter how many notices someone has they still can help others and make them happy. You made 2019 much better for me by being in it. You’re so kind, humble and beautiful inside and out and I’m the luckiest to have a friend like you, i love you so much 💘

@delictay - Marisol!!! Despite that we don’t talk daily I know I have your support literally always. You’re the cutest and I wish I could protect you from everything bad in this world. Every time I texted you this year I felt understood and loved and I can’t thank you enough for that. You’re like my older sister I’ve never had and watching you go from having like 3 notices without any hope for ever meeting Taylor to Taylor herself picking and inviting you to her house and liking more than 20 of your posts was literally one of the best experiences this year. You deserve everything you achieved, always remember that. Thank you for making me feel like I matter and always being open for me, i love you the most 🥺❤️

@lanalovestay - Lanaaa!!! 💖 You’re such a kind, funny and lovely person and I couldn’t be happier to have you in 2019!! Not only you are so amazing but also extremely talented (confirmed by Taylor herself!!!) and scrolling through your blog makes me so jealous ’cause it’s one of the prettiest I’ve ever seen 🥺 2019 wouldn’t have been as fun as it was without our long talks and rants on literally everything!! There aren’t many things I enjoy as much as talking to you, you’re only 16 but you’re one of the most open minded and respectful people I’ve met in my life and I feel like I can talk to you about literally everything and I will never be judged. Thank you for always taking your time to talk to me not only about Tay, school, books, movies and celebrities but also about some personal things you never fail to advise me on. I appreciate having you as my friend more than you know, i love you 💘

@iwatchedallofitfade - Meg my baby I don’t even know where I should start!!! You’ve always been an amazing friend I could rely on. You’re such a lovely, big hearted and funny person and you brought so much happiness into this year. You never fail to inspire me with your independence and strength, you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met and you deserve absolutely everything in this world. You were there for me when I was at my lowest and you always take your time to help me figure out my problems and at the same time you manage to open up to me and I feel so special you trust me enough to do this 🥺 I know you’re going through a lot right now but I’m praying things will get better eventually and you will feel only happiness and see only daylight. I’m rooting for you so much and sending you all my love today and every day. If there were more people like you, the world would be a much better place and I want you to always know that, i love you ❤️❤️

@troublesgonnafollowswift - Lily I don’t know if you still use this account but I just want to let you know I love you so much and never took you for granted. 2019 was a really rough and difficult year for me in so many ways. You know I had lots of problems with my mental health, you saw me at my lowest and despite that we both know I’m a hard person to deal with you never left. Meeting you was the highlight of this year and hands down one of the best experiences in my life. You were so pretty, funny and lovely on the internet and I would have never thought it would be possible for you to be more than that but you were even prettier and more amazing in real life. I will never forget how hugging you, having lunch with you and talking to you felt like. I don’t even have words to describe how grateful I am that God has put someone like you in my life. When I think about the things that made me happy this year I think about calling you almost crying just for you to make me smile, laughing with you about stupid things and being so excited about meeting you that I almost got hit by a bus when I saw you 🥺 You were making me the happiest and I miss you so so so much and love you even more 🥺💗

@repu2001 - Sami you’re literally the kindest, cutest, loveliest, funniest and the most big hearted person I know. You’re that male friend every girl is dying to have and that person everyone is dying to have in their lives. I’ve known you for over a year and to be honest it was the best time I’ve ever had. You made my 2019 so special, you taught me patience, more self love and you inspired me and still keep inspiring by being strong and independent but also nice and lovely to be a better version of myself. You opened up to me many times this year and knowing I have your trust means more than you will ever know. Because of knowing your secrets and your past I can say without any doubt that you’re hands down the strongest person I’ve ever got to talk to. And the fact that you’ve been through so many unbelievably terrible things but kept on going and now always being extremely lovely to everyone is a proof you’re literally an angel in person 🥺 There’s not a single day you don’t make me proud and every day of our friendship I love you more and more forever and always 💗💗

@tswiftgrande - Soph i know you’re probably sick of me making appreciation posts for you but you’ve been a huge part of my 2019 so here we are again!! I know you’ve heard this many times before but you’re one of the most caring, amazing and beautiful people I’ve met through Taylor. I’ve known you for so long and I’ve seen you in many situations, we’ve been through a lot together, we’ve seen each other being happy but also totally broken and we’ve shared similar experiences. Knowing I have someone I can always turn to no matter if I need advice on my make up or hair or more serious things is something I will be forever grateful for, especially if this person is you. No matter what happens in my life I know I can rely on you and at the same time I know I will never be judged. This year was the worst when it comes to my mental health and I know I was hard to deal with so many times and despite that there wasn’t a situation you weren’t there for me when I needed you. I know you had your own problems but you never made me feel like my problems were less important and that showed me you were my real friend. I just want you to always know I have your back as much as you had and have mine and you helped me become a better person than I was a year ago. I love you the most Soph and no matter what happens I always will ❤️

@taylorkeepdancing - Aner babe!! You brought so much positivity and happiness into my life this year!! You’re such a lovely and cute person and I’m so happy I got to know you and talk to you ’cause you’re always so kind and your blog is so awesome ❣️ We don’t know each other well but I can tell you’re down to earth and that’s not a surprise Taylor loves you as much as we all do 💘 Thank you so much for being nice every time we talked and for helping other swifties to get noticed, I will never forget that thanks to you and you only Taylor saw my face and knows what I look like now 🥺 I love you and I hope we will be mutuals for another few years 💗

@hauntedcats13 - Nesli I’m honestly so glad I got to know you, from our very first talk you were so nice and kind and being friends with you is such an honour, you’re always so positive and you always want to make everyone around you happy what is so amazing and says a lot about you as a person. I’m glad I have someone like you who I can always count on and talk to knowing I won’t be judged or misunderstood. You know I love you so much and I have your back as much as you have mine and I hope to be friends with you for next years ❤️❤️

@comebackbehereswift - Eliana I’m so glad I met you and got to talk to you more this year, I loved talking with you about music, celebrities but mostly I loved talking about Ed ’cause you seemed to be the only person who fully understood my love for him and you going to his concert this year made me so so happy!! You’re such a positive, lovely and funny person and I’m so glad I can call you my friend. I will never forget you and Ella calling me when Taylor liked two of my posts and being as excited and happy as I was. It’s really so hard to find people who are that happy for you and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I love you so much and I hope we will be friends for next years 💗

@ellagoodhair - Ella despite that we don’t know each other very well I got to talk to you a few times this year and I can say without any doubt that you’re a lovely, funny and caring person who deserves only the best. The fact that you decided to call me when Taylor noticed me despite that we barely talked means a lot to me and shows how humble you are and how much others’ happiness means to you 🥺 I’m the happiest you got your moment with Tay this year ’cause you deserved it the most!! ❤️ I love you and I hope to talk to you more the next year 💘

@thedarkestlittleparadisse - Sara!! Every time we talked this year I had so much fun and there was always a smile on my face, you’re such a funny, open minded, beautiful and kind person everyone needs in their lives. I know I can always count on you no matter what and I trust you so much and I just hope you know I always have your back and I’m always here for you if you need anything. You made my 2019 much better and I hope we will be friends for next couple of years, i love you so much and you’re like my little sister i will always take care about ❤️❤️

@rayanlovestaylor - Rayan despite that we don’t talk that much I totally adore you and love talking to you!! You’re always so kind, nice and open minded and I love how I can talk to you about everything without fear of being judged. Even our the most basic conversations mean so much to me and put a smile on my face, I’m so grateful I had someone like you to talk to this year and I love you so much 💗

@passingnotesinsecrecy - Elif!! You helped me so much this year, you saw me at my lowest and leaving instagram aka the website I made so many friends on, spent hours on, started making my very first edits on and being so attached to and I felt like people didn’t understand how much it took in me to do it except you. I got so many beautiful messages from the people I had to leave but your texts touched me to tears and when I feel unworthy or unwanted I recall them to this day. They literally changed my vision of myself and helped me a lot through my worst days. We didn’t talk a lot back then so the fact that you decided to tell me such beautiful words and then find me here on tumblr to talk to me more means so much to me. Without you my 2019 wouldn’t have been the same and you made a huge, better change in my life. I hope you know you can always rely on me and count on me as well, I love you with my whole heart 💗💗

Also special thanks to other people who also without a doubt made my 2019 much better aka Jenna ( @misss-americana ) for being here for me when I needed someone the most a few days ago and caring about me; Syagmurr ( @daydaylightt ) for being so lovely and cute to talk to; Jason ( @jasonshawwithtay ) for being so unbelievably kind, helpful and lovely; Poonam ( @plorall ) for caring about me and being here when I needed someone a few days ago, Jess ( @jessheartstaylor ) for always being so kind and amazing, I love talking to you so much; Cara ( @girlwiththeswifttattoos ) for being so nice and generous and helping others, I hope you know it’s never unnoticable; Anam ( @loverstann ) for being one of the nicest mutuals I’ve ever had; Auguste ( @auguste-adores-taylor ) for being so adorable and funny, I hope to meet you on the Lover fest next year; Maeve ( @maevelovestaylor ) for being so amazing, kind and lovely and always wanting to talk to me ❤️

I am so grateful for every single one of you and for every person who I crossed paths with this year. You all helped me a lot and made 2019 much better for me by being in it. I love you ❤️

[kebinwooo]

quarantine time!!

tagged by @theyoungflexer as you all know! LOL thank you again chelle ^^

rules: answer these questions and tag 5 mutuals

1. Flowers or chocolates? chocolates! i like food LOL 

2. Between day and night I prefer: night (i accidentally became a night owl like two years ago and now... well...)

3. My favorite drink: boba hehehehe but i really like tea in general too! 

4. Between sunrise and sunset I prefer: sunsets

5. Between dogs and cats I prefer: oooooof hard question but imma go with cats. a cat lived in my flat last year at school and i miss him deeply T___T 

6. The vegetable i hate the most: idk brussel sprouts? i had a friend keep trying to convince me they’re good and each time just 🤮🤮

7. My favorite sound: uhhhhhhhh i’m blanking LMAO i kinda like how it sounds when it’s raining? but like only when i’m inside AHAHA 

8. The first thing I notice about people: their smile? idk LOL 

9. Would you prefer horror or fantasy? fantasy. i read too much ya fantasy for my own good (i say as if i actually read much anymore) also i’m a scaredy cat and cannot handle horror for my LIFE

10. I’d want to be stuck in a lift with: oh uh idk shownu? he’s such a generally calm person that it would (hopefully) balance out me panicking like crazy. plus it seems like he’ll actually figure out a way to get us out LOL 

11. What city or town you’d like to live in? i want to live in seoul one day (that sounds so kboo of me oh my god) but like not permanently i dont think. it just seems like it’d be a pretty fun experience. i would also love to live in oxford! i was studying there for a summer and it was just SO beautiful and i loved the town so much and AGH definitely want to go back

12. What I value most in life: love, peace and happiness? LMAO THAT SOUNDS SO CHEESY but i just want a peaceful, secure life surrounded with love and what makes me happy and i also want that for my loved ones too. basically i just want there to be good in the world 

13. If I could learn any skill, it’d be: cooking.... i literally can’t cook and that’s something i definitely need to learn at some point

14. Between the beach and the mountains, I prefer: beach but mostly bc i’m afraid of heights and have no stamina to hike LOL aesthetically tho? mountain!  i lived in near perfect view of mt. rainier back at college and i MISS HER SO MUCH

15. I’d love to get married in: i’d like to get married period LOL. but no specific place i have in mind tho? 

16. My hidden talent: ......i have no idea if i even have one?? nothing’s coming to mind so....

17. If I could bring anyone back to life, I’d bring back: jonghyun ;;

18. Why? i just... miss him ;; i want to be able to tell him he did really well and that many people love and miss him. i’m sure he’s in a better place now but i also just want to show him the amount of love he still has even tho he’s gone

19. Rainy or sunny day? SUNNY PLEASE. i have had enough rainy days living in washington to last my lifetime

20. Who’s the real model of your life? i’m assuming this means role model. in which case, honestly speaking, jun of ukiss. he’s super talented (QUADRUPLE THREAT) and capable and works super hard but is such a down-to-earth, humble guy who easily makes friends and loves deeply (nobody is a bigger ukiss fanboy than jun ;;) and i just admire the amount of dedication and passion he has

21. How I relax after a hard day: melting into the couch and staring into space LMAO i’m only half kidding. i also like to watch stupid youtube videos that makes me laugh and like not think

22. I like the way I look: ehhhhhhh.... i’m not exactly confident but i also don’t hate myself either

23. My most favorite facial features of myself is: ............... :) i don’t have an answer to that

24. My most favorite part of my body is: i have nice fingers hehe they’re long and pretty and i’ve gotten quite the few compliments on them so yeah 

25. If I could change anything about my body: MY OILY FACE

26. If yes, what’s it: I’VE HAD A BREAKOUT ON MY CHEEKS SINCE LIKE APRIL AND IT HASN’T CLEARED UP AND I’M ANGRY!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE LIKE JOOHEON WHO ARE BORN WITH NEAR PERFECT SKIN MAKE ME ANGRY!!!!! I WANT THAT FOR ME WHY IS IT SO HARD!!!!!!!

27. If I could change something from my past: i can’t tell? i mean as much as i regret some decisions in the past, i’m fine with where i am now, so i don’t think i would change anything drastic. superficially tho, i wish i could’ve gone to a bap or the rose concert at least once bc i MISS THEM AND I HAD MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES TO GO SEE THEM AND I DIDN’T TAKE THEM!!! WHICH WAS DUMB WHY DID I DO THAT

28. How many piercings I have: none LOL

29. I like makeup? no

30. I wear make up everyday: definitely no

31.My skin type is: def oily (see #25)

32. My skin tone: idk how to describe? i do know i got REALLY pale after i started going to college bc i got barely any sun exposure LMAO

33. My hair color: black and leftover red/auburn(?) from my dye job back in january

34. My height: 5′4″

35. My age: 20... BUT I’M TURNING 21 NEXT WEEK AHHHHHHH

36. My birthday: august 21 :) 

37. My best friend: if you’re reading this melissa, it’s definitely not you >:( i’m kidding LOL i have several best friends and now that i’m listing it out in my head i’m like oh i have at least five if not a few more... idk what that says about me. i’m a loving person alright?

38. I have a pet or more: not anymore :(( warrior fish i miss you T_T

39. If I don’t, I’d like to adopt: no. imma be honest i suck at taking care of pets and i cannot handle the responsibility of another living being so even if i want a pet, i really know i shouldn’t get one

40. Video games or social media: social media 

41. I’ve visited outside my country: yep. i have a major case of wanderlust 

42. I’ve an innocent/dirty mind: depends? i have a dirtier mind than some of my friends but also sometimes dirty things just fly over my head and i’m left blinking innocently at the situation like wut o-o

43. Someone proposed me or asked me out?  LMAO NO. i’ve been single since birth. i got asked to formal once but like.... it was the world’s lamest/dumbest asking and i didn’t end up going bc it was super last minute lmao

44. If yes, then I liked it and accepted or the opposite: read above

45. Do you follow some celebrities’ fashion: no? i have bought like a thing or two bc i thought a celebrity wearing it was cool but i never deliberately followed somebody’s fashion

46. What do you think about your fashion sense: plain, comfy, really generic LOL

47. You found someone copying your fashion: lmao my fashion sense is too generic for anybody to copy/want to follow so nice try

48. Can you do your makeup properly: uhhhhhhhhhh like the very very very basics: foundation, concealer, blush, eyeshadow. that’s about it

49. You go or used to go with makeup to school: still a no

50. What color suits you best? i wear a lot of gray, black, blue, green, turquoise/teal and purple LOL also a lot of stripes. but i think army green suits me best

51. Finally, how is quarantine going? ehhhhhhh about as good as it can go. 

not tagging anyone again but feel free to do this if you want!

[darkdevasofdestruction]

White Lies : France/2P!France - Francis/Francois Bonnefoy

((I had this plot in mind with the idea of creating 2 alternate endings, one in which you end up with Francis, and in the other, with Francois~. ))

Life was never easy, especially when you move in a new country all of a sudden due to job opportunities...But I can't really complain now, can I? After all, I'm doing what I've been dreaming, which is being a Vet. Saving animals has always been my career-dream and now that I've achieved it, I only have 2 more. To travel the world and have fun...And to find my significant other.

Walking down the Champs-Elysee, passing idly the passing markets, I listen to music and look up at the evening sky, painted with various gorgeous shades of orange, pink and purple, feeling at ease. My walk from work to home isn't too long, just about 30 minutes on foot, which makes me able to relax and enjoy the tranquil atmosphere of this enchanting country.

This walk...Made me feel nostalgic for years ago when I first came here with a University program, 7 years ago, to spend the whole Summer holiday working for an animal shelter and learning the language, which was probably the easiest way that I could manage to work abroad with no problem, get easy money and have some expenses paid by the University.

My new Summer home in Paris is a little but very chic apartment, in a neighbourhood full of flowers everywhere, very close to the center of the city, so the whole first day was filled with unpacking and arranging everything in its right place, making me exhausted and to sleep immediately.

The next day, however, I woke up energised and ready to explore the city and start a new Parisian lifestyle, which will be a bit weird to adapt to, but nothing impossible. Leaving for the first time without my parents is going to be a real challenge, but if my dreams are going to come true this way, it's gonna be worth it~.

I go first to a little cafe next to my block and get a warm hot chocolate, a croissant and bread with butter & jam, a really nice breakfast and now I'm ready to explore!

I went to see the easiest route from home to work, which was almost a straight line, thankfully, and from home to the center there were a few turns, but nothing too difficult to remember. A smile was plastered on my face the whole time as I walked up and down each and every street and alley, got a very good ice cream and some pastries from the boulangerie, took tons of pics and selfies everywhere and tried to make the best out of this whole experience.

I am only 20 years old, I have the whole life ahead of me and there's nothing stopping me, not even the night!

Okay, never mind, scratch that, maybe it will defeat me, a tiny bit, because I kinda got lost in the center, my phone is dead and I have no idea how to get home...Great! What a new adventure!

Thankfully, I spotted a small, vintage, very coquette and intimate cafe so I shrugged and went inside, thanking every deity that it's empty and my shyness won't get the best of me, and I looked around, admiring the tons of sweets on display, feeling my mouth watering.

I was snapped back to reality by a friendly baritone voice, which made me squeak in surprise and turn around with wide fawn eyes. The man in front of me, who I could only guess either worked here or was the owner, was pretty tall, with long blond hair and his sapphire blue eyes held a very comforting and calming warmth.

"Bonsoir, ma belle mademoiselle. Que fais-tu seul a cette heure?"

the man asked, concerned.

"Uhmm...I got lost...Oh, wait, wrong language...Uhmm. Je suis...Perdu? Je me suis perdu? Mon francais est...Tres...Terrible, je suis tres desole!"

I stammered, trying to remember all the words I've been learning for the past 8 years in school and highschool...

But it failed.

"That was tres adorable, mademoiselle! Don't worry, I know English as well, but I appreciate you trying your best to speak my language."

he laughed warmly.

"M-Merci...So, uhm...I just moved here and it's kinda my first time abroad, all alone, nonetheless and I explored the city all day long. I got distracted by the pretty lights so much that I didn't realise my phone's battery died while taking pictures and now I can't seem to remember the way home. I know, it's very silly."

I explained, scratching the back of my neck sheepishly and embarrassed.

"What an adventure indeed, dear. And how did you find your way here? Not all that many people come by."

he guided me to a table next to the glass wall so I could see the lights better.

"I was looking for a familiar street, when I saw your cafe here with lights still on. I'm...I'm pretty shy, so when I saw that nobody else was there, I thought I'd drop by and get something to eat. When I saw how incredible everything here looked...Well, I kinda lost my thinking."

I chuckled, making the man laugh gleefully.

"Que magnique! May I recommend you my favourite?"

he asked, getting up, a spark of excitement in his eyes.

"Yes, please! You did all of them? Alone?"

I asked, shocked.

"Mais, biensur~! Excuses-moi un moment, I will come right up!"

he went in another room for a bit, making me look down at my hands, grasping them together anxiously, then looked outside, admiring the beautiful lights from the Eiffle Tower, before the door opened once again, revealing the Frenchman with a white plate painted with pink flowers full of different cakes and other little sweets which made my jaw drop in shock.

"H-Hey, isn't that too much? I-I mean - !"

I stuttered, feeling my face heat up with a powerful blush, which only made him laugh.

"Nonsense! It's not every day a beautiful young lady comes into my humble cafe, especially not one from another country. It's from the house, so don't worry."

he winked, making me hide my blushing face with my hands.

"You're too kind with me, and I didn't even have the manners to ask for your name...I'm Y/N, it's really nice to meet you."

I managed to say after some time, trying to calm down my blush.

"Francis. Francis Bonnefoy, at your service, my dear."

he nodded, sitting down in front of me, putting a white rose in the vase.

"Francis...What a beautiful name."

I smiled softly.

"You can't let me eat everything by myself, okay? I accept no refuses!"

I said in a firm voice, making him chuckle.

"Very well, very well, a lady's wish is my command." 

he obliged, getting another little fork for himself.

We chatted about my new job, about life here, about literally everything and anything that came into our minds, all that for about two more hours before we realised it was very late and he escorted me home with ease, because thankfully, I was smart enough to write my address on a slip of paper and put it in my wallet before I left my new home and from then on, since we exchanged phone numbers, we'd meet up as frequent as possible.

These 3 months of Summer have been the most beautiful I have ever experienced and it's all thanks to Francis and his never-ending kindness. The best part of it is that he surprised me with a trip to Disneyland just before I was to leave for home and I kid you not, I never cried of happiness so much in my life.

We took an infinite amount of pics of literally everything and went to all the rides there, making it a truly day to remember. I was so depressed that I had to leave, but he promised we'll stay in contact until I am able to come again next, which thankfully, I managed to make it every Summer, for the whole 6 years of Vet Medicine.

He was even there for my graduation, which I never expected, but yet again, made me cry in happiness.

Since by now I could speak French fluently and I've already worked there before for many months, I managed to score a job at one of the best Animal Hospitals in Paris, which made me and Francis become even better best friends.

Very often, we'd even sleep at each other, watching movies together, eating dinner and honestly, I'm so happy I got to meet someone as amazing as him.

Now I'm 27 and things haven't changed between I and Francis one bit, except for the fact that he told me that he's a country, France, of course, and all that came along with it, such as other countries, the 2P's, responsibilities and so on, which of course, were a bit confusing, but nothing I couldn't handle and give my eternal support for.

That is, until our first fight.

It wasn't really a fight, more like him telling me something concerning another World Meeting and me getting overly worried about him, so much that we argued about what he should do, without realising that he's been doing this for hundreds of years and he clearly knew what had to be done.

I never really argue with anyone, but when I do, I feel incredibly dark and sarcastic, so I stopped talking and took a deep breath before saying anything else.

"Look, Francis, I love you a lot, okay? You know this very well. I will go take a walk to calm down before I say something I will regret later that I don't even mean, anyways. I just...I want you safe, okay? Don't forget that." I muttered before leaving his home to walk around the park nearby.

Unfortunately, that walk wasn't a long one for before I realised, a hand covered my mouth so I wouldn't scream. I was threatened with knives and guns by some men dressed in black looking extremely threatening.

"We have seen you with the man who calls himself 'Francis Bonnefoy'. We want to know everything you know about him." the one in front of me asked in a raspy voice. "Wh-What? What's with Francis? What do you have with him?" I tried to ramble, not knowing what to do. "Tell us everything you know and we won't hurt you." said the one holding me before tugging on my hair, making me yelp a bit at the sudden pain. "I-I don't really know what you want me to say! He's just a man who owns a little cafe and he's very sweet, what else is there to say? He's very sweet with me and always texts back very fast and-" before I could continue my rant, I felt myself getting above the ground, as the one in front of me started strangling me in the air. "Who do you think you're talking to, wench?! We are the Russian Mafia and that man has important information." he screamed in my face, as I tried to breathe. "I...Don't know anything weird about him...Believe me..." I managed to choke out, before another voice rung out. "She speaks the truth. I never told her anything that might endanger her." were the words spoken that made the assailant drop me to the floor. "Francis...? What are you doing here?! Run! They want to hurt you!" I yelled at him, but he only shook his head and helped me back on my feet. "No, dear, I won't run. They have been targeting me for a while. I tried to make sure you were safe, but I didn't expect something like this. I'm sorry for putting you in danger and getting you harmed." he sighed, apologetic. "But...But Francis...I can't let you go with them...! They will hurt you...I couldn't possibly...I can't let you go..." my tears started welling up in my eyes as I threw my arms around his torso, afraid to let go of him. "Don't worry, ma belle fleur, I will return to you no matter what. I'm a country, remember? I can't die." he winked, trying to reassure me. "But you can feel pain! That's not okay no matter how you look at it!" I tried to protest, but he only pushed me towards his home lightly. "Don't worry, Raven. After all...All my life I've been in pain. A bit more won't change anything. Be careful while I'm gone, please." he said with a sad smile before he got taken away by those creepy men, as I screamed after him until my lungs gave out.

No...Screaming and crying won't solve anything, I have to do something about it, I can't just sit idly!

I ran back inside and to my surprise, Francis' phone was on the bed.

He knew something like this would happen...

Damn it.

Looking through his contacts, I see various country names and I stopped when I saw "England".  Despite everything, Francis always spoke very nicely of England and the rest of the countries so...Hopefully, this will work.

"Hello? Is this England?" I ask meekly and unsure of what to say. "This better not be some stupid prank of that frog or-" he replied in a very annoyed voice. "N-No, nothing of the sort! Mr. England, France has been kidnapped by the Russian Mafia and I don't know what to do to save him! Will you please help me out?!" my voice dripping with desperation. "So what? It happens sometimes." he answered in such a nonchalant voice that it cut off my words. "B-But...! H-He's my fiance! Please, Mr. England, I don't know what I should do! Those men were really terrible and I don't want France to get harmed!" I cried in the phone, but I only earned a sigh. "Listen, miss, I understand that you are concerned, but that fro-...France is a country, and this sometimes happens to all of us. It's not the first time for him and it won't be the last time either. I suggest you wait for him with some wine, some baguettes and he'll get over it." he tried to suggest, but by this time I was boiling with anger. "You...How can you be so ...So cruel...Francis only spoke nice words of all the countries and especially of you, England. I can understand now why he always felt so lonely there...Because all of you are nothing more than a bunch of selfish jerks! I hope you sleep well tonight knowing that a man who cares about you like a brother and would do anything in his power to save you is being tortured! Good bye." I said in an extremely passive-aggressive tone, not letting him protest, before I hung up.

That was frustrating...Stupid England...

Taking a deep breath, I look through his contacts again and see someone called "Francois" with the French flag emoji next to it. This must be his 2P... He spoke so nicely of him, saying how fragile and emotional he really is, despite his rough exterior...He's just like Francis...But with different ways of coping with pain.

I call him and wait anxiously for him to answer, and when he did, I was greeted with a gruff voice that intimidated be, but I had to stay strong for Francis.

"Oui?" he answered. "H-Hello, are you Francois? France?" I managed to breathe out, cursing my shyness. "I'm his 2P. Why do you have France's phone?" he asked annoyed. "Y-You're still France, even if you're his 2P, right? And...Francis got kidnapped by the Russian Mafia." I said, this time with more confidence. "And...? What do you want me to do?" he asked, once again, very bored. "What the HELL is with you, people?! One of your own is kidnapped and tortured for information and who care so little?! Why are you all so pathetic and cowardly that you won't even help someone who holds you in such high esteem?! What, afraid to get a nail broken?!" I scream at him, forgetting myself with anger. "And who are you that you care so much for a country that's gonna outlive you in the blink of an eye?" he groaned, most likely rolling his eyes. "I am his fiancee, damn it! I am at his home and he intentionally let his phone on the bed, in hopes that one of you, his FRIENDS, is going to help get him out of there!" I reply sternly...

But he hung up without another word.

What...The hell?!

I tried ringing 3 more times, but I got rejected.

Fucking fantastic...So much for reliable peop-...Countries.

The next one I call is Canada, but he was very far away with business and couldn't come to our aid any time soon.

I gripped the phone tight in my grasp, cursing, before I get startled by the door opening, making me squeal in fright and surprise, as a tall, blond man looking very much like Francis, but rather disheveled, entered.

"F-Francois...?" I asked, to make sure. "No, it's freaking Papa Noel, Joyeux Noel!" he rolled his eyes before plopping down on the couch. "U-Uhm...A-Are you here to help me save Francis...?" I inquired, unsure of what he was doing. "Depends on you, toots. What's in it for me?" he lit up a cigarette. "Uh...You saved your other self? You did a good deed? I don't know, doesn't it matter to you at all that he's in trouble?!" I looked at him shocked as he just shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time. So, what are you willing to do to save him?" he asked, getting up, closer to me. "We've been together for 7 years. Anything that's possible for me to do, I will do it, if it means he gets out of there unharmed." I said, looking determined. "Then...How about we fuck?" he muttered with a smirk. "Wh-What?! What the hell are you asking?!" I cringed, stepping back. "You said you'd do anything, right? Would you do this? I look almost just like him, in the dark, you wouldn't even realise the difference, so what's the problem? He won't have to know." he got very close to my face, whispering in my ear. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I screamed, slapping his face hard. "D-Don't EVER do that again! Not to me, or to anyone else! EVER!! I don't get why you came here if you weren't willing to save Francis, but if you just got here to mess with me, then kindly GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HERE!" I yelled, trying not to let the tears in my eyes fall, before I went to Francis' bedroom and locked the door, sliding down, hugging my knees and choking on sobs.

I tried to repeat to myself "Not again" again and again, until I got back to my senses and calmed my breathing and remembered that I must continue calling all the countries available.

China refused. Japan said "I will see what I can do" which is a very subtle denial. Italy cowarded. Spain has to take care of Romano. Prussia and Germany are dead drunk. The Nordics were busy with official meetings and businesses. The Baltics declined, the Balkans declined....The whole Europe declined...America declined...Asia declined... Everyone declined. But Russia's answer scared me the most.

"I'm sorry, dear, but I don't control the Mafia, so I can't do anything about it. And at the same time, I can't  harm my own people either. But I will tell you, they won't leave France any time soon, for sure." 

And...That was it. All countries declined helping one of their own and I was at the verge of despair. The only one who wanted to help was Francois...And with such terms...And what a scary approach... B-But...As long as it saves him...Does it even matter anymore...?

I slowly unlock the door, gathering courage to get out and swallow my pride, and to my surprise, Francois was still on the couch, smoking.

"You're still here." I mumbled, looking away. "Oui. And I heard everything. What are you gonna do, mignonette?" he asked, tilting his head a bit. "I...Uh...W-Well...I-If I do it...W-Will you promise he gets home safe?" looking anywhere but at him, I grip the phone tightly, trying to fight my anxiety. "Ohh~? So you will do it, after all? To save your amour, you'll let another taint you, touch you, corrupt you~?" he asked, tauntingly. "Oh, shut up, you jerk! I just want to save my fiance, while you're here like some mercenary, seeking favours!" I bite my lip, trying not to outright scream at him again. "Tsk, tsk, I'm just doing what's best for me. You can't blame me, we're all selfish." he shrugged, getting up. "No...Not all of us...Francis isn't. Francis would have tried his best to save any country. ANY. Country." I glared at him. "You've known him for 7 years, not for 700. I think I know him better than you do." he smirked, challenging me. "You may know him, France, the country, but I know Francis, the heart inside him. I know the real him. You just know the facade he's putting. Now stop arguing with me and let's go save him already!" I stomped on the ground frustrated, only making him chuckle. "Do you even know where we have to go?" he asked, lighting up another cigarette. "Of course not, who do you take me for? Nostradamus? All I know is that Russia said he isn't in control of his people and that they didn't leave this place and are probably in some hideout here, in Paris." I told him, looking away, pondering. "You're lucky I know all the sketchy places around here..." he nodded, signing me to follow him to his car, a nice black Cadillac.

On the way to the first hideout, it was silent, with the exception of Francois puffing his cigarette from time to time.

"So, mignonette, how did someone like you meet someone like him." he asked, trying to make conversation. "You're saying it in a very weird way,  y'know? But...7 years ago I was able, for the first time, to leave the country. I came here, to Paris, to work at an Animal shelter for the whole Summer, sent with a University program. After unpacking everything, I started exploring the city, but soon I realised that my phone died, it was night, and I had no idea how to return home. I found Francis' cafe...And he was so sweet with me...We kept in touch all the time, even when I had to leave back home and we wouldn't see each other for the rest of the year...He has always been so kind and patient with me..." sighing, I look out of the window. "Huh...Tres drole." he muttered, throwing the cigarette butt out of the window. "What is funny?" I asked, rising a brow. "You." he snorted. "What? Why?"  I looked at him, confused and slightly shocked. "When did you first fuck?" he teased, looking at me. "Wh-What the hell, Francois! That's an intimate question and I refuse to answer!" I huff, looking away. "Oh, come on, I won't tell anyone. Is he any good? Do I need to teach him-" he continued, but I stopped him quickly. "Shut up!! We didn't, okay?! Now stop asking! I don't know if he's...G-Good or whatever the hell you want to know, so drop it!" I exclaimed, extremely embarrassed. "You mean to tell me you've been together 7 years and didn't fuck? No long and sensual "I missed you" fuck? No quick and rough "Don't leave me" fuck? No very kinky "This is better than porn" fuck?" he chuckled, seeing how flustered it made me. "Enough!! Th-That's enough! Stop it already! No, we did nothing of the sort, now please, DROP IT! I don't want to know or talk about it or anything similar!" I tell him firmly, hoping he'd stop already. "You're no fun...Come on, toots, you're an adult, these things are normal and fun, not tabboo, so chill. Maybe you really need a good fuck." he muttered, trying to make me calm down, but I only gripped my hands tighter and glued myself to the door, as farther away from him as possible. "You don't know everything, nor everyone, so don't speak for them." I answer barely above a whisper, which only earned me a sigh. "You're either only best friends, he sucks in bed...Or you've been really hurt in the past. So, which is it, mignonette?" he asked, solemnly. "...Who hurt you, Francois...?" I feel myself asking without realising. "Huh?" he breathes out, looking at me shocked, but before I could say anything else, he stopped the car abruptly, saying "We're here."

We get out of the car without another word and search the whole shelter from top to bottom, but find nothing but dust and blood.

"So...Not here. How many other places are there?" I asked, biting my lip. "Many. Too many. Are you sure they were Russian?" he asked again, looking at me. "Yes. They said so when they attacked me. And their accent was very thick as well...I could recognise a few words myself when they were whispering between themselves before Francis came." I nod, sure of my information. "Very well. That means there are only 2 more places to check. They are pretty far away from each other, but should work. Also, I need to get some fuel." he sighed, getting back to the car. "Okay. I pay. It's the least I can do..." I tell him, looking ahead at the new road. "I won't complain." he chuckled, lighting up the 100th cigarette.

We spent about half an hour in silence before I got the courage to ask him again...

"Who hurt you so much, Francois? You're constantly using this vices and facades to cover up that you're in pain..." I stammered, not really sure where I was getting at. "Shut the hell up." he ordered with the most deadpan expression so far. "I-I don't want to insult, offend or hurt you, Francois. I just want to understand you. You're not a bad person, I can sense that. You just have a different coping mechanism-" I continue, trying to let him know I'm not attacking him, but he got angrier. "I SAID, SHUT IT! What the hell is so difficult for your stupid brain to get?! STOP talking about it!" he yelled, gripping the stirring wheel and glaring ahead. "I'm sorry! Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you...I just...I just...Wanted to thank you for being literally the only person to want to save Francis and..." I scratch a bit at my arm, closing my eyes, hating the sudden change in tone. "I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it to fuck you!" he sneered, shifting his glare at me now. "That's fine...Doesn't matter, as long as he's safe...Any help is appreciated..." I whispered, hanging my head. "Oh, really? Then if a group of hobos offered to to save him, if they gangbanged you, would you do it? Or if some fetishist were to ensure he got out the next second, but he got you as his sex slave?" he shouted more and more, making me shed tears and choke on sobs. "I-I just want my Francis to come back to me unharmed...I don't want to see him in pain ever again...I just want him to be okay...He's been through so much and he still smiles...He's saved me all these years, and now I owe him at least this...I just...I just want him safe and sound..." I sob, biting my lip and gripping my arms, trying to stop myself from crying, but to no avail. "...Get out." Francois muttered barely audible. "Wh....What....?" my eyes widened as I managed to move my gaze to look at him. "Get the fuck out of my car. Now." he wasn't looking at me anymore, but outside, as he put a very sudden and brusque break, making me squeak in surprise at the impact. "B-But...Why? Didn't you promise you'd help me save him? You are his last hope, Francois, you can't abandon him like this! We're so close to-" I tried to argue, but I suddenly find myself with the barrel of a gun at my forehead. "Fuck if I care anymore. You're annoying, you piss me off with your lies. That's all that you are, a selfish liar! I don't believe a word you're saying! I don't know why I agreed to this bullshit, he'll get out of there anyways! You're not even hot enough to bother going through all this just to fuck you! Go find him on your own, now get the fuck out of my car!" he growled, cocking the gun.

He was looking at me with his dark purple eyes, right into my e/c ones, glistering with tears and betrayal...But deep inside his own eyes, shock, mixed with a glint of hurt and skepticism were swimming. "I may be a liar...But at least I'm not lying to myself and to my own heart about my feelings. Goodbye, Francois. Drive safe home." I sighed, looking at him with betrayal and resignation as I stepped out of the car and started walking ahead.

I didn't realise how cold it was before, but now...It's really not very nice. And the fact that it's so dark and scary isn't helping either. I turned on my phone's torch, trying to see where the hell I was, but all I could see were trees every where I looked.  At this point, I don't know if I should be scared that there's no passing car...Or if there WOULD be one.

I literally had no idea what to do, and Francois just went ahead with a terrible speed...Hope he won't have an accident or something. The pain in his eyes as he spoke to me...Those were the voice and look of a desperate man, wanting to take away the pain somehow. I can't blame him in any way...For I understand him more than I wish I did. If it wasn't for Francis... Well... I just think Francois should allow himself to feel happiness and not be afraid to grasp hope, no matter how thin that thread may be.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't realise the car that was coming from behind me until it was too late and the lights were already on me.  Next to me, a black Ford started very slowly driving next to me, as the driver pulled down his window and whistled me.

"Hey, babe, want a ride?" he asked in a slurred voice. "N-No thanks..." I mutter, trying to walk faster, but to no avail. "Aww, come on, sweet tits! Let me get ya home! I can't let a babe like you walking alone at night, can I?" he purred in that disgustingly drunk voice of his. "I'm very close to my boyfriend's home, so please, leave me alone." I tried to reason, clearly scared, but he only laughed. "There ain't no house in the next 5 kms, missy, so don't try to lie to me!" he said in a low voice as he stopped the car.

By this point, I started running as fast as I could, cursing myself for not doing anything to maintain my physical endurance because my lungs were burning and my legs were aching like all hell, and before I knew it, I was on the ground, the remaining air in my lungs knocked out from the weight on top of me.

I tried to struggle, but I could only jump back to my feet when the bastard rolled over to get a better grip on me, but I couldn't run... He held my arm so tight that I was afraid it might break, making me turn around to try and scratch him, but that only annoyed him and made him rip open my f/c shirt, exposing my almost naked top.

By this point, I kept screaming and struggling like a wild animal trapped in a cage, but he was much too strong for me to do anything. Memories of the past kept flooding my brain as he put his hand on my neck, while the other was roaming my body.

I thought that was the end of me, until I heard a very loud car accelerating in our direction, then two deafening gun shots...And then silence.

As soon as those shots were dealt and I could no longer feel that forsaken grip on me, I sprinted into the woods, not caring about anything else in this world, not hearing, nor seeing anything.

That is...Until again, someone took a hold of my wrist and spun me around in his arms, making me scream, beat and struggle whoever that was, way too scared to rationalise anything anymore.

"Mignonette! It's me, Francois! Calm down, damn it, I'm not gonna hurt you! I killed that fucktard, nobody will hurt you, chill already." he tried to calm me down, but all I could do, as all strength left my body and my legs were shaking, was to fall in his arms and sob in his chest almost falling to the ground, were it not for him.

It might have taken a good 5 to 10 minutes of sobbing before I managed to calm down enough to be able to speak coherently, while Francois tried his best to soothe and calm me down.

"How the hell do you always get in trouble, Mignonette?" he tried to joke light-hearted. "I don't know, but I'm so done with this! I hate this, I hate this, I hate this! Why is it always me?! What did I do so wrong in this world that I attract such...Such...Monsters?! Why does everyone want to hurt me like this?! Is this it, Francois?! Is this the pain you're feeling?! Because if it is, then FUCK IT, I don't want to feel anything anymore! Take out my heart, I don't need it! I don't want to hurt anymore! MAKE IT STOP ALREADY!! Why me?! Why again?! Why like this?! I just want to be happy for once, is that too much to fucking ask in this world?! IS IT?!" I screamed and cried and pulled at my hair in desperation, not caring about any self-esteem anymore and just letting all the raw emotions plaguing my heart, soul and brain out. "So I was right...You have been hurt before." he muttered to himself, almost as if he hated himself for being right. "Yes, fucking hell, yes, I have, damn it! Three fucking times! Each time, it hurt so bad, and in different ways! But the first one...Oh, the first one....I was barely 17, damn it...It was my first relationship...So why did he have to do such things to me?! I didn't know any better, I was naive, innocent and learning...I thought it was normal...And...And...And I stayed almost 2 years like that...And I didn't tell anyone what happened...I was scared, I didn't want to admit it, I was weak...And powerless...And I still am...Because no matter what I do, a drunk, horny man will always get his way because of his fucking physical strength! CURSE YOU! Monsters, all of them! Wretches! Burn in hell, all of you!" I confessed to everything that's happened in the past, not even sure why or how did I manage to finally say everything that was darkening my heart, but I did. "Je suis desole, Mignonette. I truly am. I shouldn't have let you alone in these places. It's my fault, I admit. I was pissed off that you said the truth and I couldn't stand it. I went to search the 2nd place, but there was nothing. That means Francis is definitely in the 3rd and last place." he stated, slowly helping me get up. "Hope so..." I mutter, feeling drained of all life and hope.

We walked back to the car, him holding me close to his chest, and as the car's light came in our sights, he realised my wardrobe malfunction and took off his shirt, handing it to me, as he remained shirtless, not even flinching at the cold, all the scars on his body now visible.

"Don't you hate it?" I muttered, looking away as I buttoned his shirt and rolled up the sleeves since it was way too big on me. "Hate what?" he asked, getting in the driver's seat. "Dunno... The World. People. Life. Yourself." I mention, shrugging. "I do. Why?" he furrowed his brows, not quite getting where I was going at. "And how do you cope with it?" I asked, still glaring in front of me. "Not very well, as you've seen so far. Drinking, Smoking, Whoring. Not very healthy." he explained, looking at me from the corner of his eye. "I hate alcohol. I couldn't get drunk, even if I wanted to. Makes me sick. Smoking makes me sick too...And...The other one...Even if I wanted to...I...I..." I trailed off, biting my lip in annoyance. "You hate yourself too much, but also, distrust everyone else around you, hm?" he tried to reason. "Sorta, yeah, I guess. I'm scared, I'm afraid, I'm anxious and ashamed...I just want to run away and hide somewhere nobody could ever find me even when I think of it. I start shaking and...And I can't. It leads to panic attacks. So I'd rather...Not. And I'm so tired of everyone telling me I'm broken or whatever just because I don't care about anything of the sort." I sighed, leaning my head on the door window. "Does he know?" Francois asked, but I only shook my head. "Last times I told someone...My boyfriends...Things got very bad. It's like a stupidly annoying Pavlovian instinct. I know things won't be bad if I tell him...But I'm also afraid." I mutter, looking out, and before he could say anything else, I ask him "We've arrived, right?" which earned me a solemn nod.

Getting out of the car, we went in silence to the shelter, this time smaller than the first one, and noticed light emanating from inside. Upon further inspection, Francois confirmed that Francis was inside, so he got out the rifle from his car and climbed a tree, easily taking out the 2 bulky men who kept Francis captive, allowing me to easily run inside and use the knife given to me to cut off the restraint that bound him to the chair.

I was so mirthful that Francis was okay and somehow, there was no scratch, bruise or wound on him, so I threw myself in his arms, hugging him as tight as I could, considering the event of this night. However, things weren't always easy to deal with, especially when it comes to the Mafia, but before anything could happen, I hear a rustle from the other room, which somehow, the other two omitted, allowing me to quickly snatch the pistol from one of the deceased's grasps and point it to the door, revealing a scared Mafia mobster.

"Hello, fuckass." I said venomously. "You don't even know how to use that and yet you dare threaten me?!" he shouted, ready to take his own gun, until the sound of me cocking mine echoed in the whole room. "Will you take the bet? What's faster...Me pulling the trigger, or you taking the gun and killing me? What say you? The brain or the heart, which would you prefer?" I asked, taunting him. "You little bitch...! Who do you think you are, opposing the Mafia?! Mr. Russia will wage war on this stupid country!" he shouted in anger, visibly shaken up. "Hahahaha...I've been called worse in a day, is that all you can do? How weak. No wonder the others didn't let you do anything to help them. Oh, and, by the way...Mr. Russia has no control over the Mafia, so he won't take any action against you...Or to help you. Trust me, I called him a few hours ago. So before talking...I'd rather check if all I knew were lies. Just a sound advice for the future...Which you'll never have, at this rate." I grinned mockingly at him, but just before I could say "Goodbye" and shoot him, a gentle hand grasped my shoulder, as the other went to the pistol, setting the trajectory away from the villain, who fell to his knees in fright. "Y-You're insane, woman..." he muttered, shocked. "Francois, what's the meaning of this?! What if he attacked us?! He messed with Francis, he messed with me, he messed with you! We can't let him escape!" I raised my voice at him, but he only shook his head. "You've been through enough today, and it's mostly my fault. Go stay with your paramour...I won't let your hands be bloodied. You don't deserve such a fate to haunt you for life." he explained, gingerly taking the gun away from me. "I have enough things to haunt me for more than this lifetime, one more, what could matter?" I tsked in annoyance, looking away. "It always matters. I hope you won't get to experience more misfortune." he muttered, pushing me towards Francis, as he took the enemy away, to kill him in the woods.

Taking a deep breath to calm my annoyance, I jump in Francis' arms once more, burying my face in his chest, just happy to have him safe and sound, back in my life. With tears in his eyes, he kissed the top of my head and thanked me over and over, but not for saving him necessarily, but for being here for him at all times. He never expected anyone to bother to save him, which I noticed myself, unfortunately.

I told him part of our story, clearly only the not-so-dark parts of it, and by the time I was about mid-story, Francois came back.

#####

 Francis/France Ending 

"Okay, love birds, are you done reuniting? We should get out of here before their little group of boy scouts return to give us more trouble." he rolled his eyes seeing us hugged and sappy. "Oui, mon ami, tu as raison. Ma cherie, let's go home. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that trouble just for me. I'm a country, I won't die, and yet you still came after me, despite the dangers." he said in a soft voice, clearly touched. "Silly...Country or not, you still feel pain, and that is the last thing I want you to feel. I love you so much, Francis, you don't even realise. You brought light into my life, into my heart...And I wanted to be able to save you, just like you saved me all these years we've known each other. Je t'aime trop, et tu es mon coeur. I will stay by your side until you get tired of me." I confessed, cupping his face and looking at him with endless love and admiration.

Poor Francis was left speechless, so much that he just started kissing me passionately, then hugging me tight to his chest, earning a groan of annoyance from his friend.

"Take that to the car, idiots! Hurry up!" he clapped to hurry us up back to the car, which we did, and now we were on our way back home, Francois driving us, as we stayed in the backseat, cuddled to each as if tomorrow was the last day alive.

Back home, we plopped down on the couch, finally able to breathe, knowing we were safe, but after about 5 minutes, Francois got up to leave...Which didn't happen, for I stopped him with a hug.

"Thank you for helping me save him. I owe you the world." I whispered, thanking him with a smile on my face. "Oh, shut up. You pissed me off enough for a day. Just go stay with him and leave me alone."  he groaned, trying to pry me off me. "There's no chance you're gonna get rid of us after today! There's no escape for ya!" I laughed, finally letting him go, before the door was slammed open, revealing a blond man with short hair, green eyes and abnormal eyebrows. "Ahem. I see that bloody frog is alright. Was that a prank or-" he asked, seemingly irritated. "You...Are you England?" I asked, my eyes wide. "Yes, of course, who else? Wait-...Was it you I spoke with on the pho-" but I didn't let him finish because I slapped him with all my might, before starting to shake him roughly. "YOU LITTLE SHIT! YOU DARE COME HERE NOW, HOURS AFTER I CALLED, WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WAS PRANKING YOU, IMMA KILL YOU, YOU-" but I was stopped by a hug from behind and a chuckle. "Ne t'inquiete pas, mon amour, it's just how Angleterre is, please forgive him." he shook his head with a chuckle, making me gasp. "But...! But! But Francis! It's not fair at all! You would give your life on a plate to save others, especially this tea-jerk, but he just calls you a frog! It's not okay!"  I pout, clearly upset at the his mean friend's behaviour. "It's better to forgive and forget than to stay with hate in your heart. It will only hurt you, not them." he said with a wink before kissing my forehead. "Fine, whatever...But you're still not off the hook! And you're still a jerk! And if you call Francis a 'Frog' again, I'll make sure to stash a hundred frogs down your throat!" I threaten him, which made him nod, awkwardly. "Uh...Yes, France, I'm glad you're find. I will take my leave now, farewell." he nodded again before leaving. "You see? He came here because he was worried, in his own way." he smiled softly, before guiding me back to the couch to calm me down. "Mon Dieu, you sure are loud, all of you...Bonne nuit. Don't call me again." Francois shrugged, exiting the room, leaving only me and Francis there.

We went to change in our PJs and cuddled in bed, both of us afraid to let the other go after such a night.

"I was so happy to see you that I forgot to even ask if you were okay, desole, ma fleur." Francis said, caressing my face. "I'm okay, don't worry about me, honey. Francois made sure nothing happened to me." I smiled softly, kissing his hand and leaning my face on his palm. "I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. How did you convince him to help you?" he asked, making me chuckle awkwardly. "It's...A long story, but it really wasn't easy to persuade him. But you were right about him, he's like you in many ways, despite hiding it. My shirt's buttons got ruined and I couldn't cover up and he instantly gave me his shirt. And he made sure nothing bad happened to me. Without him knowing where you could be, I wouldn't have been able to find you." I breathe softly, as if afraid he'll be taken away again. "I am grateful that I have such an angel in my life. Thank you for everything, my darling. Je t'aime trop...Je t'aime plus que tout au mond. And I can't wait until I marry you and I'll see you as the most beautiful bride in this world." he confessed, kissing me tenderly, making me giggle. "And I can't wait until I finally get to call you my beautiful husband and we'll be so happy...And Francois' face as the Man of Honour...It will be priceless!" I laughed sofly, making him grin. "It will be hilarious indeed." he snorted, hugging me tight to his chest, ready to sleep. "I love you so much, Francis...Never ever ever forget that. I will stay by your side for as long as you'll have me." I whisper, returning the embrace, drowning in his warmth. "An eternity by your side sounds like the best gift anyone could receive." he replied, closing his eyes, letting the dream world take over him.

#####

Francois/2P!France Ending

"Okay, toots, get your fiance outta here and let's get home before more of these fuckers get here." Francois tapped his food impatiently on the ground, ready to go. "Fian-..." Francis tried to ask, but I shushed him quickly. "I'll explain when we get home, now come on." I hurried him back to the car, where the other Frenchman drove us home, where we could finally breathe. "Thank you so much for saving me, dearest. You really shouldn't have put your life in danger. I'm immortal. They couldn't kill me no matter how much they'd tried." he tried to reason, but I only shook my head. "Francis, no offense, but I really don't care. Francois...I lied to you. Not much, only this part at the beginning, but I still did, so I really have to apologise from my whole heart for misleading you. Francis, I'm sorry to you too. I claimed to be your fiance and called everyone in your contact list in hopes that they'll help me save you. Francois was the only one who wanted to help."  I told them the truth with a sigh. "Why would you say that, cherie?" Francis asked, confused. "Come on, Francis, think a bit! What managed to get to people's hearts more? 'Please, help, my best friend has been kidnapped!' or 'Please, my fiance is in danger, help me save him!'? I was desperate, I had to do something, right? You're the only person who ever cared about me and you've always been so sweet and kind with me, I couldn't let you in harm's way, so I did anything I could to save you, even if it wasn't much. I really hope you don't hate me after this, but even if you do, I'm just happy you're safe now. I never lied when I said I loved you, but this is no romantic love, but one very pure and caring, like that of siblings." I smile at him softly. "I could never be upset with you, ma belle fleur, for I feel the same. I am forever grateful of what you did and I'm really sorry that you had to go through all this just for me. I owe you the world." Francis replied, hugging me. "No, you don't. You've already given me the world being being present in my life." I chuckled, holding him tightly. "So...Everything else you said was true or a lie?" Francois asked, raising his eyebrow. "I didn't lie to you with anything, except this little detail." I smiled at him, guilty. "Then what about at the beginning. When you accepted my terms." he furrowed his brows a bit. "I didn't lie. I said I'd do anything for Francis." I declared with a side-smile. "What do you-" Francis tried to ask, but Francois cut him off. "My flat is upstairs, I want to have a little chat with Mignonette here." he muttered before taking off. "Okay. Francis, I'll see you in a bit." I wave at him, smiling, before following Francois out of the room, into his flat.

It was darker and it smelled like cigarettes, but it was pretty nonetheless. I didn't take more than 5 steps inside and I felt myself get pinned to the wall, Francois holding both of my wrists above my head with one hand, while the other was on my neck.

"You say you'll do it, but look at you, you tremble like a leaf." he got close to my face, saying in a low voice. "I said I would, I promised, now stop doing this, please, and just get it over with." I managed to whisper, looking away from him. "Is this what he'd do too? Is this why you won't ever bother trying to get away?" he asked, in a softer voice than before. "Y-Yes...I told you I didn't lie about anything else, why keep bringing it up? And I said I'd keep my promise. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't fight you off, so why try...?" I bit my, trying to stop myself from getting my eyes welled up with tears once again. "And I promise you, it's not that bad. I know you've been through a lot before and feelings are more powerful than ration...And allowing yourself to feel vulnerable once in a while isn't always damaging." he confessed, caressing my cheek. "You shouldn't be one to talk, when you don't do it yourself. You don't let your guard then while at it, instead, you let all your hate, anger and frustration get out, but...You never let happiness and love in, do you? We're the same, we just do things differently." I explained, but he only tsked in annoyance and threw me on the bed, him towering over me again, his face very close to mine. "And what the hell would you know about it?!" he growled, glaring at me. "Nothing...But maybe...Maybe I'd like to find out." I mutter, intertwining my fingers with his. "I really don't know anything. I'm 27 and all I've been doing is hate the world and everything around me, including myself, for my own misfortune and choices. I was weak, I couldn't control anything around me, when it came to my love life, because everything else was in my grasp. I'm a smart girl, I won't deny that, and I'm also fairly lucky. But not in this department." I let out a shaky breath, slowly raising my gaze to meet his. "What the hell are you on about?!" he sneered at me, his deep, violet eyes filled with despair and hurt, which made me raise up a bit and kiss his lips as soft as I could, shocking him. "Maybe...Maybe I want to see if the world is better with the right people...Not THE World...Just...MY World." he was so shocked at the gentleness with which he was being treated, that a soft blush covered his cheeks. "What was that for...? Why would someone fragile like you, who should find someone kind and gentle like Francis, want to be me, who forgot how to smile and how to live?" he asked, with an expression that showed anger at himself. "Because, maybe, we both need help from someone who understands and goes through the same...Or well, at least similar pain, don't you think?" I inquired with a hopeful smile. "And what do you propose, then, Mignonette?" he muttered, getting closer to my face. "Hello, Francois, my name is Y/N. Would you want to get to know each other better?" I extended my hand for him to shake. "Bonjour, ma cherie, Y/N, je m'appelle Francois Bonnefoy, ca va?" instead of shaking my hand, he kissed it softly and said those words in a very suave and confident voice, that gorgeous and melodic accent resonating in my ears with each vowel and consonant. "Tres charmant, Francois. That was very nice..." I muttered, using my other hand to hide my blush, but he took it in his and kissed my wrist, and teasing smirk on his face. "Did you like that, dear? Do you want me to say more?" dropping his voice by an octave, he got so close to my face, that I could feel his breath. "Your accent...Is very...Ho-...Uh, nice. Yes, nice. Uh...French. Wait, no, ignore what I've been saying-" I ranted, looking anywhere but at him, flustered at what I was saying without realising, but instead of saying anything, Francois leaned in and kissed me tenderly, making me feel more flustered, but at the same time, calmer as well. "You were saying...?"  he asked, the ghost of a smile evident on his face. "Hot." I breathed out barely above a whisper, making him chuckle. "That's what I like to hear, ma cherie~." he confessed, taking out the hair from his ponytail and helping me lean on the bed post, as he put his arms around me, holding me to his chest and kissing the top of my head. "What do you think? Is this what Francis would do?" he asked, playing with my hair. "Is it what Francois would do?" I asked, looking up at him. "...If it's you, then it is." he muttered, resting his chin on my head. "Then we're doing very well." I answered with a smiled, cuddling closer to him, feeling at peace, after such a long time.

[rogueshipagogo]

ppl have been asking me my opinions on space channel 5 vr... and i guess since i bought a vr headset off craigslist just so i could play it and speedrun it before work the day it came out... i should talk abt it now... i dont rly think i’ll be able to separate it into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things i think i’m just going to do a rambly stream of consciousness bc i have a headache... but i DO have good things to say abt this game... so st.... sta stay t tune  d

right off the bat, the thing i appreciate most abt this game- i like that space channel 5 vr doesnt have cash grab vibes. i Do genuinely believe that they Wanted to make this game For the people who are still obsessed with it, and that they ultimately did what they set out to do when they intended to scale certain aspects of the series up conceptually to match the way the fandom perceives it nowadays. but like i’ve said before... i’m not going to Disagree with the very common conclusion that it Needed to be longer, or at Least more intricate plot-wise. one of my fun and fresh excuses for sc5vr being as short as it is is because you arent really supposed to be playing vr games for too long anyways, its really disorienting and kinda painful, but even that doesn’t account for why so much of the game that we got is a rehash of old settings, concepts, songs, and characters. [i dont even have a problem with reusing old songs, i just think the ones they chose ended up being misleading]

for example i think it makes sense that the first report is a remake of the first games first report on the surface, it’s meant to take you back to the way the first game felt and give you an idea of what it means that the games classic scenery can be rendered in actual high quality detail now [same with the recurrence of events like encountering the space pirates in the asteroid belt/the last battle against a villain being singing to it about what it’s done wrong], but i really thought, like, report 1 was going to end up being a simulated scenario for the benefit of lou and kee’s training... which i dont think ended up being the case??? i think they really did write ‘ok here you are in the first game’s setting again, fighting the old enemies again, because... :^) ok have fun playing report 2!’

and then whats report 2... you fight another old boss from the first game... but theres Still no clear villain or motivation for anything thats happening... and there wont be until like... basically the end of the game...

like, glitter is a really cute character, but its kind of underwhelming that shes just a random citizen who was kidnapped by an entity that we NEVER LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT... like part 1 was extremely notable for being about corporate greed and corruption, part 2 honestly wasnt that political in comparison but at least made you do a think wrt purge’s motivation and his methods, and this game just has a plot device that feels like it’ll do smth but then ends up not doing anything beyond what we already learned about it from the information on its character bio before the game was out. if it turns out that cell x is actually relevant again in a future entry in the franchise and they do have a more developed concept for what cell x Is in mind, i’ll do an entire backflip, but for now its just chalked up to being the result of More Space Hijinks that dont need to be explained

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE ALLUSIONS TO CELL X BEING AN ENTITY THAT FEEDS OFF OF DANCE ENERGY... it had me thinking that there would have to be some New Method of fighting it off that didn’t just lend it more power in the process, but nah apparently just tacking on the disclaimer ‘*this dance energy is not for glitter’ is enough to turn it from smth it can consume for power into big attacks you can use to kill it... like honestly it sounds like im asking for a lot from a game that has Never made too much sense, but considering that in part 2 they could add details like ‘oh didnt you know purge can open pocket dimensions? ulala is capable of manifesting tangible dance energy and the only other person who can do that is purge???’, its not like they havent come up with weird new shit for dance energy to do within the plot before. they just didnt do it in this game fsr

like did anyone else think that cell x/glitter was going to be the result of tossing purge out into deep space and him encountering the sc5 universe’s equivalent of an eldritch alien creature, smth more bestial than morolians?? even if purge wasnt part of it, when you say ‘uh oh, this guy Eats this society’s only source of energy!!!’ i expect the stakes to get HIGH, and i want the ramifications of it to be kinda STARTLING, because blank wanted money and purge wanted to ritualistically end the world but something this near to an ecological disaster that would force an entire paradigm shift hasn’t occurred yet in the series?? its totally new!!! there’s a lot they could do with this but OH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT EVERYONE ulala knows how to make dance energy kill cell x instead of feed it she’s got this we’re good no need to investigate more into all that

i can’t explain why the game is like this. and i dont expect grounding to address it in any meaningful way either. i’m sure they’re Aware of these complaints by now- the game reviewing community has Not been kind to sc5vr specifically due to all of these shortcomings [i didnt even touch on the issues with motion sensing and how many of the games mechanics were removed in favor of smth presumably easier to program yet much less satisfying, like Secret Moves just being mini quicktime events and Turning Your Ratings Into Stars just being replaced with the standard Three Strikes You’re Out method of scoring], but the pr team still seems very enthusiastic abt the game and is still promising dlc and potentially even more games in the series after this one- heres hoping that they’ll at least take these grievances to heart and consider making the experience not only more accessible [aka it will... go back to being a rhythm game with controller input.... and not... an exclusive vr experience...], but also as immersive and detailed as the old games, with less reused plot beats. i can let some of it off the hook in this game simply because i’m aware that it began its life as a tech demo that was only supposed to be that initial first report from the first game But Happening All Around You!, but i Really dont think they could get away with doing this little to expand upon the groundwork set by the first two games again. not with the way people remember part 2 being such a vast upgrade from part 1... the bar had been set so high that this just felt like a huge backslide into something even sillier and harder to take seriously than part 1 before we had any idea what kind of staying power the franchise would have as a hallmark of sega’s quirky antics. like... this game is what i think space channel 5 looks like to people who don’t understand the appeal of the first two games. and that scares me

but i guess for the most part, aside from wishing they had done more to revitalize the setting and the lore of the sc5 universe itself, im kind of glad it didnt do a lot to change the existing storylines the characters have kinda forged for themselves- here i was stressing out that they would pull out some plot development that would utterly and drastically change the way we talked abt the series for the rest of time, but so little happened and so little was added to the bank of sc5 lore that we can kind of all just carry on as usual and keep having the same headcanons we always had.

BUT!!! there ARE a lot of cute little details here and there that make the experience feel wholesome and like i said not an utter cashgrab- like so many of the character profiles referencing previous games [all of the references to npcs in this game being relatives of the npcs of the last games made me lose it] and how often ulala changes her expressions up and looks right at you and talks to you. the new music they wrote for the game also all slaps and everyones redesigns [if they got a redesign... rip pudding] are stunning

one of the most important things they did in this game was give a nice sort of Update to every character.... for example explaining that ulala isn’t a rookie reporter any more like she was in the first 2 games, that she’s moved up to being in charge of training new channel 5 reporters, and that while pudding is still somewhat stuck on her rivalry with ulala her career isn’t stagnant either, she was just cast in a romcom series as the lead... which is really nice considering how in the past she was portrayed as somewhat of a loser with almost no remaining fans left from her idol years

and you knew i was going to bring up jaguar at some point HES ALL OVER THIS GAME AND IT LITERALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY LIFE WAS WORTH POWERING THROUGH THESE LAST FEW YEARS AND ALSO LIKE IM A GENIUS FOR SPENDING SO LONG POSTING EVERY SINGLE DAY ‘NO REALLY, HE’S THE SECONDARY PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY, ITS ABOUT CHANNEL 5 AS A COMPANY AND THEIR IMPACT ON EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER ENCOUNTERED THEM AND THAT INCLUDES JAGUAR AS WELL AS ULALA HES INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT BC SHE WOULDNT BE ALIVE IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIM’ i feel like it’s really incredible how in this game he has genuinely nice energy and doesnt withhold praise from ulala just to be helpful in a mysterious way later and he like HAS FRIENDS now. like consider how he went from disgraced former ch5 employee who got mad every time he saw them, to kidnapped robot henchman kinda humbled by the fact that now the turns tabled and ulala had to rescue Him, and now 3 years later his bio is all about how he has a new tv show thats super popular and he has a new entourage of ladies who he considers his '’’’’’comrades’’’’’’’ within the station he founded??? AND AFTER 20 YEARS THEY WERE FINALLY ABLE TO GIVE HIS MODEL JUICY ASS CHEEKS??????????????? NO MORE PANCAKE BOOTY???? THE BOY HAD A GLOWUP AND NO I WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

WHEN I SAY MEOW MATCH THE POSE MOTHERFUCKERS THIS BLONDE BASTARD GETS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE HUNDRED STAGE BATTLE NOW TOO THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE SPACE PIRATES BAYBEE