#literally almost started crying yesterday because i was so frustrated with him and myself and she just broke down the exercise

[allylikethecat]

I am obsessed with All The King's Horses!! It's so good, I love equestrian!George and Matty so much and I can't wait to meet fictional!Matty's mare! He also sounds like the greatest instructor for little kids ever--I'm out here wishing fictional!Matty would have taught me how to ride when I was a kid because no one was that nice to me.

AHHH Thank you so much for sending this ask!! I am also obsessed with All the King's Horses! It's currently my favorite fic that I am working on, I'm like a little kid, smiling the entire time that I'm working on it. I know it's a super niche AU as well, so I'm extra grateful that you've given it a chance!!

I am also SO EXCITED for everyone to meet Fictional!Matty's mare... she is not *my* type of horse in the slightest, but I think she's going to make perfect sense for his character and he loves her so much oh my gosh 🥹

We all need Fictional!Matty to be our trainer! He's so kind, and patient, but will push when he needs to! However, his trainer (who was also his mother 💀) was NOT nice to him AT ALL when he was growing up and he may or may not hold onto some of that trauma... 👀

Thank you so much for not only taking the time to read All the King's Horses but to also send me this lovely ask! I am seriously smiling so much right now, and it was so lovely to see after my own less than stellar ride today. I hope you had a very happy Friday and that you have the most wonderful weekend!

❤️Ally

[pbandjesse]

I was maybe a little overtired this morning. Overly emotional. But I feel a lot more normal now. And today was good. For the most part.

After I posted last night I had a few more hours. I would have fun though. There was some more funny moments. Like when one of the staffers called me a cutie and then almost immediately started crying because he said it's like the end of summer camp and he's going to miss working with his friends and that was just so sweet. I would run around with Jesse cleaning and making sure everything was good. But at 1 I let him know I needed to tap out and it was time for me to go home.

With no traffic it was a 10 minute drive. Parking thankfully wasn't hard. And I brought everything inside.

James left the lights on for me which was nice. They were fast asleep though. I would eat some of my leftovers chipotle. Take a shower. Washed my hair. Sat in front of my mirror for a little bit. But I was in bed by 2 and fell asleep pretty quickly.

I woke up at 7 but when I found James asleep still next to me because they were going into work later today because of extended museum hours, so I decided I could sleep an extra hour too.

And I'm glad I did. When I got up at 8 I felt a little more normal. Not 100 but fine. My hair had dried crazy but it was fine. I got washed and dressed and felt good about myself. Though the humidity would make my hair get real frizzy later one. Ah well.

I left and James would leave to bike soon after me. And it was a fine drive even if traffic was a little annoying. The rain seems never ending. But it is making all the plants very happy I'm sure.

The piano was gone! I was surprised. But also not. It was bound to be gone eventually.

I would not be the first in today. Alexi was already there and Sarah came in at the same time as I did. I enjoyed telling them about last night. I was in a good mood. But weirdly that did not last long.

Pretty quickly Elizabeth was texting to check in about the lodge. Saying to go check it was clean because for some reason that wasn't done yesterday? So I walked over there with my little raincoat and was trying to not be salty but I was. Why wasn't the trash taken out? Did we have enough tables set up? I was just a little frustrated.

I cleaned the bathrooms. And was getting more and more worked up when I asked a question in the chat and it was not answered, instead a question I didn't ask was answered because they were making an (incorrect) inference. And like people do that all the time but man does it drive me crazy.

I was trying to not be insane but I was spiraling. I sat outside on the rocking chairs. And when the bus came I went down to meet them. And I didn't realize it was prek!! They were so little! And half of them came off the bus and immediately gave me a hug it was great and helped me a little.

But very very quickly I became wildly disregulated when Gabe got started with the group and announced we were doing lunch first?? And I hadn't set up my afternoon program yet because we normally do that during lunch and no one was communicating what project they were expecting and late Gabe said I wasn't snippy but I don't like how I was in that moment. And I melted down. Thankfully held it together until I got away from the lodge but I was walking across the field crying. Wishing I could quit. Not my best moment. And worst of all I knew I was being irrational. I was texting Jess in that moment about how irrational and ridiculous I was being. But I couldn't stop.

I went and set up my program and then headed to the office and ate my chipotle leftovers and literally was fixed. I felt better for the rest of the day. I got a hug from Heather and was all fixed and still felt a little sad inside but I was much better.

It was decided that they were going to order us lunch from Casa Mia, an Italian place, later. I was excited about that. I would request a grilled cheese and fried ravioli. I am very appreciative of Alexi appreciating us through food. It's my second favorite thank you after money.

I would go and get my group for our hike. I set myself up with Victor's group, who I haven't hiked with before, but I know he had a science background and I thought that would vibe well with me. And I was very right.

We had so much fun. We would go to the Glen, stopping at every mushroom I saw. We would turn logs. Look under rocks. And we even found a snake!!! This is my first time finding a snake all by myself. It was very exciting for me. And the kids were so young they weren't even afraid, didn't know they should be! It was great.

We let his slither away and headed to the tipi field to hang on the hammock for a bit. Then over to the fields. But the horses were to far. So I took them to the barns and there were horses there, including Obie the mini, and they fed them hay and it was great. They were all so cute being gentle and trying very hard not to scream. I was proud of them.

After a stop at the latrines to wash hands we walked to the field to get ready for our party free choice hour.

I decided to pivot and had the kids draw flowers and plants. Some kids drew other stuff but it was mainly just a nice calm program for me. I worked on a flower drawing and had music going and all the kids were being calm and sweet and wanted to learn some stuff because they liked my drawing. And I encouraged them when they said they were copying me I would tell them that they were inspired by me but they were making their own! That's just practice! I hope they internalize that and find their own confidence.

It was a nice hour. And once we were done I cleaned up all their pictures to hand off to Victor and the. Said goodbye and went to the office.

I took a few minutes break. Has a little snack. Elizabeth said lunch would be here in about a half hour. So I went to the lodge to clean the bathrooms. And then to the nature building to see Samson the turtle. Who apparently hit Sarah very very hard today which is not like him at all. Very surprising. Thankfully did not break the skin.

Joe was over there feeding them and I would hang out with him for a bit. Went with him to the chickens and even got to pick one up and held it for a bit. Which was nice. And then back to the office to send some emails before our lunch.

At first I did not join everyone else siting outside. It was cold out there. But I would eventually come out. I still was feeling a little other. A little off. But I shared my ravioli and my fries and things were good. There was even baby birds on the bookshelf behind me and I thought that was the best.

Elizabeth said I could leave whenever since there wasn't anything for me to do. And I took advantage of that.

I left and decided to go search for some more aquatic frogs since omelet seems to have??? Disappeared?? Something? I have seen him once since we got back from Africa. And I miss him. I love my frogs.

I was not having great luck. The first three stores has none at all. I would stop at a restore and found a little wine rack I think would be good for shoes. Ran into one of my BAS students but he didn't notice me so I didn't say anything. It was nice to see him out in the wild though!

I would go to five pet stores in all but I finally found some!! I was thrilled. I would get two. I decided to name them French Toast and Avocado Toast. The toast brothers. They are so very small. I really hope they do okay in my tank. I just want them to be happy.

I would head home and was very happy to be here. I would get my tank to the correct temperature and introduced them to the water. I would take Ruby the Roomba upstairs to clean. And I would set up the little wine rack.

Eventually I would head upstairs and tried on some dresses that I was given yesterday and a few of them were great. One is like a black tennis dress with built-in shots. Very excellent.

I took a bath. And have been hanging out since then.

James just got home! They are feeling a little sick but I am just so happy to have them here. I am hoping to get to bed fairly early. Tomorrow is another long day with a field trip and then an event. But I am looking forward to the activities. I hope you all have a good night. I love you all. Until tomorrow!!

[babiesdreams]

Nct reaction to their s.o giving them silent treatment (cause y/n is a drama queen)

REQUESTED BY ANON

Part 2 Part 3

-- requests open--

Warnings: Angst (specially TY), sexual tension (DY and Ten), mentions of alcohol (Ten) 

♡ My personal favs will be marked with this heart. 

♡Taeyong: You were mad at him. You really worked hard on that letter and seeing how he basically ignored it. What’s wrong with him. He’s always been this cute boy that you loved from the bottom of your heart and now he just breaks it like it’s nothing. You are not willing to talk to him right now, partially because you want him to know how it feels like to be ignored, but also because you are afraid your words would hurt him. It’s been hours since you’ve been ignoring him and it wasn’t easy to ignore his pouts or his words. “What’s wrong?” He finally says with a trembling voice. “Do you even still care about me?” You say, heart broken. “How could you say that Y/N? You are literally the person I care about the most.” He says almost tearing up. “And why did you ignore my letter?” You say, already crying. “I’ve been busy all day and I wanted to surprise you with another letter gosh” He says, also tearing up. “But why would you ignore me, it’s such a cruel thing to do” He says with a broken tone. “I didn’t want to argue. I’m sorry” You say hugging him. [I may have cried with this one]

Taeil: “What is it really?” Taeil asks, clueless. What in the world would make you ignore him all day along? Oh right, he’s forgotten your anniversary. “So you don’t know” You say with an ofended laugh. “What am I supposed to know? You should talk to me if something’s wrong” He says trying to make you understand his side. “How am I supposed to talk about how you forgot our anniversary? Isn’t it embarrassing enough to just wait for something?” You say ofended as hell. He laughs at your comment. “You are joking right? Is this a hidden camera? Because our anniversary is tomorrow and I have not foget about it, I planned a lot of things to do together, bought you plenty of gifts... I honestly can’t believe you are serious right now” He says, frustrated, angry, mad. “No, today is...” You say looking at your phone, realizing that he was right. “I though today was 30th” You say looking dow, while tears start forming on your eyes. “I’m sorry Taeil” You say in a broken tiny voice. “I-It’s okay” He says, calmed down and coming to you so he can hug you.

Johnny: “Okay what is it now” Johnny says, breaking the silence of the room. You look at him, angry, and completely refusing to talk. “Hello? Can you tell me what the fuck is wrong?” He says, trying to force a reaction in you, and he gets a reaction. “Oh you tell me, Johnny suh, What the fuck is wrong? If you don’t love me anymore, you can just tell me, but cheating on me is really low. I just thought you were better than that” You say yelling at him. “What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t cheat on you” He says looking at you confused. “Then What is this?” You say, showing him the bra you found on his side of the bed. “That was supposed to be a secret” He says, taking it from your hands. “So you admit it” You say crossing your arms, ready to beat the shit out of him. “Yes, I admit, I bought you that victoria secret’s bra you wanted. Sorry” He says in an ironic way. “Aha, You... What?” You say confused. “I bought you this, because it was on your wish list. And I took it out of the box to compare the size with your bras, I thought I had put it back in the box.” He explains. “Oh, I’m sorry” You say in a soft tone. “It’s fine, just don’t ever think that way about me, I would NEVER cheat on you baby” He says placing a kiss on your lips.

♡Yuta: He tried to ignore you as well, but at this point he’s pissed off. Like why would’t you talk things out? “Can’t you just tell me?” He says, blocking the view of the TV. You move your head, so that you can still see the Tv show you were watching. He gets he remote control and turns it off. “I’m talking to you, are you fucking deaf?” He says, angrier than ever. “Go talk with Samantha” You say looking away from his gaze. “Who the fuck is Samantha?” He says holding your chin so that you are looking at him again. “You tell me” You say taking his hand off your chin with an angry hand movement. “You moaned her name in your sleep” You simply say, heart broken. “How the fuck am I supposed to know that?” He says, angrily. “Are you cheating on me Yuta?” You say to him, almost tearing up. “You know I would never do that, why do you even ask me that?” He says, sitting next to you. “Because you could be with someone better than me, how am I supposed to believe I’m enough for the perfect Nakamoto Yuta?” You say as tears fall down your cheeks. “I’m not perfect, and I love you, more than anyone else Y/N” He says, cupping your face so that you look at him again. “Why?, Why do you love me?” You say in a tiny broken tone. “I just do. There’s no explanation. I love how you simle at me, how you hold my hand, how our eyes meet and my hearts skips a beat. I love you messy hair in the morning, how you sing in the shower, how you support me. I love your kisses, and I love every single inch of your body. There’s no such thing as perfect, but you’re the closest to that word” He says tearing up at the middle of his answer. You smile at him and kiss his lips. [I definetely cried with this one]

Kun: He tries to cheer you up with little things like caressing your hair, kissing you, giving you massages. But his presence just makes you even angrier. The fact that he talked about you with his friends in a not completely nice way, it’s just making you go crazy. He touches your hand slightly and you let go of his touch, which is enough to make him speak. “What is happening?” He asks confused. “So I’m just a fun game, aren´t I?” You say, copying his words. “What? Oh, you think that.. that was another Y/N” You look at him pissed off, not even wanting to look his way and stand up, wanting to leave. “I swear, it was not about you” He says explaining himself. “You must know a lot of Y/N, what a lucky man, surrounded by lovers” You say leaving the room. He grabs your hand and forcing you to stop. “Can I explain myself?” He says looking at you, and you just don’t move at all. He gets that as a yes. “We were drunk and they asked me about my exes, and one of them was named Y/N” You nod ironically and turn your back, resuming your steps. “I would never say something like that about you” He says getting in front of you, stopping you from leaving. “I love you Y/N” It’s the first time he says those words to you, and you hate the timing of it. You can’t help but calming down with his words. “Do you really mean it?” You say looking at him. He simply nods, with a serious gaze. You eventually forgive him, when the boys confirm it was all about his ex.

Doyoung: He sits in front of you wanting answers, explanations to your silence. “What’s it?” He says looking right into your eyes. “Tall” You just say, without any further explanation. He looks at you still confused. “You said your ideal type is tall. How am I tall?” You say screaming at him. “Okay, first of all that’s an interview from a year ago, second of all, I just don’t care about the height, I answered because it was an interview” He says in a calmed tone. “Would you prefer me if I was taller?” You ask, angrily. “No, I like you fun-sized” He says chuckling. You stand up, upset at his words. “I’m serious Doyoung” You say walking out. “I’m serious too” He says as he stands up. Before you exit the room, he puts his hand next to your head, trapping you between his figure and the wall. “Do I need to show you how much I like you?” He says in a low tone and you gasp at his reaction. “N-no” You say looking away from his gaze. He grabs you, making your body rest on his shoulder and walks into the bedroom. “Oh, I’m showing you” He says with a smirk.

Ten:He was completely drunk, but he threw up on your brand new dress. You were more than pissed off, you were mad at him, and definetely unable to speak to him. “Gosh, my head hurts” He says entering the room and you just ignore him. “Did I do something stupid yesterday?” He says, noticing your expression right away. “You puked on my brand new dress” You say, angrily at him. “I’ll buy you a new one” He says calmly. “I liked that one” You say pouting. He comes closer to you and starts kissing your neck, making you forget about the dress “I’m sorry babe” He says against your skin “I’ll make it up for you” He says as he kisses lower. 

Masterlist --requests open--

[august-anon]

On Love’s Light Wings

Alright if you’ve look at my blog the past three days you’d know that I’ve been obsessively rereading Carry On/finally reading Wayward Son lol. 

I wrote this inbetween finishing Carry On and starting Wayward Son yesterday, so it’s not really canon compliant with how we learn their relationship has been fairing in the interim, but who cares because that’s all pain and I’m here to write about fluff lol.

----

Fandom: Carry On/Simon Snow

Ship(s): SnowBaz

Characters (lee/ler): Lee!Simon/Ler!Baz

Word Count: 2887 words

Summary: Simon and Baz are having a quiet moment together under the stars, and Baz discovers something interesting about Simon's wings.

[ao3 link]

---------------------------------

                               Baz

Things became a right mess, after the whole ordeal with the Mage and the goatherd (Ebb, Snow would tell me. Her name was Ebb.) and the Humdrum.

We were questioned and carted around, barely getting a chance to breathe. Everyone wanted to know what happened, and once they knew, it was time to get the kids out of the way so the adults could handle it. 

I went home to my family. Snow went home with Bunce.

It was hard for a while, getting a chance to see each other. Simon and I would steal moments, when we were called to meetings together. We would sneak away, hold hands. Sometimes we would kiss.

But Simon had drawn back. I wasn’t surprised, with everything that had happened, I would’ve been more surprised if he hadn’t. But he drew into himself and wouldn’t come back, and I didn’t know how to help. Kisses were chaste and brief, hand-holding was tight and desperate, and most everything else was off the table.

He’d flinch away from my touch anywhere else.

It had hurt, but I had spent nearly half my lifetime hurting for Snow. I could do it a little while longer. And my patience paid off. Snow healed, albeit slowly. He started letting us -- me and Bunce, he had even shut her out after everything -- back in. I was able to see him more often, sneaking away from Watford for the weekends. I was allowed to place my hand in the middle of his back, on his neck, his stomach, his sides, his legs.

But there were two things I could never touch (or maybe it was three, if you counted them as separate limbs), that no one could ever touch, and frankly, I couldn’t find it in myself to blame Snow for that. His wings and his tail were a delicate matter. A harsh reminder. I teased him about them once and he didn’t speak to me for three weeks. I’ve learned my lesson now, I won’t tease him about them until he’s ready.

We’re curled up on the hood of my car, now, the echoing heat of the previously-running engine keeping us warm in the chilly early-spring night. Well, keeping Snow warm. Vampires don’t need to keep warm like humans do. We’re already so cold. 

I’ve got my arms wrapped around him -- in the middle of his back, carefully placed in the space between where the bases of his wings end and where his tail sprouts from his tailbone -- and he’s got his head on my chest and we’re staring up at the sky. I don’t think either of us has said anything since we got situated on the hood, but I don’t mind, and I doubt Simon does either.

Instead I sigh -- it ruffles his curls, makes them tickle my nose, but I don’t mind -- and pull him even closer.

                              Simon

I don’t think Baz knows he’s doing it. He’s got his hands between my wings and my tail -- and that’s something I’ve really appreciated these past months, Baz doesn’t push like Penny does, he doesn’t even ask when I’m going to let him touch them -- but they’re brushing up and down. I think it's a subconscious movement, because his fingers keep bumping against the base of my wings and he isn’t even reacting. Normally, he gives them a much wider berth.

I’m trying to hold still. I don’t want to break the moment, it’s peaceful and calm and quiet and everything we haven’t been able to have in a very long time, but it feels weird and it’s hard not to squirm. If I squirm, though, Baz will pull back. And he’ll ask questions. And maybe he won’t want to hold me again because he’ll be afraid of touching my wings -- not that Baz is afraid of much of anything.

But the thing is, maybe Baz isn’t afraid. Maybe he thinks my wings and tail are as weird and inconvenient as I do. Maybe he’s disgusted by them, and that’s why he’s never pushed to touch them like Penny has. Maybe he’s just being nice by staying with me as I mope around with these mutations sprouting from me.

No, that doesn’t make sense. Baz isn’t nice.

But what does make sense about our relationship?

                              Baz

Snow’s been slowly tensing up for minutes now. I can’t tell if he’s upset about something or just uncomfortable, and it’s infinitely harder to tell without being able to see his face. I wish I could sweep my hands up and down his back to let him know that it’s okay, but I’m not allowed to touch his wings and I’m not going to push.

Not like Bunce. I saw him shout at her the other week. Her curiosity is going to get her in trouble someday -- as if it already hasn’t.

But the thought does draw my attention to my hands, and I realize that they’re already moving. I don’t know how long they’ve been moving for. And I freeze when my fingertips brush against the base of Snow’s wings.

That’s why Simon’s been so tense.

Simon flinches when I freeze, and I try to calculate how big of a mistake I just made. I pull my hands away like I’ve been burned and Simon flinches again, this time pulling back from me.

I never apologize -- Pitches don’t apologize -- but for Simon I just might.

For Simon, I just might do a lot of things.

Simon’s bottom lip is drawn between his teeth when I’m able to finally get a glimpse of his face. He looks nervous and upset and confused, and I’m not sure what to do with that combination. Before all of this, I might’ve pushed. Tried to make him cry, upset him in every way possible because it was the only thing I knew how to do aside from love him.

I’m trying to learn how to do new things now, though.

“Simon,” I start, and he meets my eyes at the use of his first name. “I--”

But he doesn’t let me finish. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and blurts out his words like they’re vomit. Simon’s never been good with words, and that hadn’t changed in the months that they’d been dating.

“You-can-touch-them-if-you-want-to,” he says, and his words run and slur together like alphabet soup. I can barely understand him.

I stare at him, to make sure he really means it. To make sure he doesn’t feel like me or Bunce have pressured him into it, that he’s really giving me permission. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have cared. But once upon a time, Simon didn’t love me back, and I wouldn’t go back to that time for anything.

“Unless--unless you don’t want to,” Simon tacks on, and I know what I have to do.

Instead of answering him, I slowly raise up a hand. Simon’s wings twitch and fan out, but they’re trembling like they want nothing more to squeeze back shut against his back. I move a little faster so they don’t do that before I get there.

His wings feel exactly like I expected them to. Warm and leathery. They don’t hum with magic like I expected them to, but that makes sense, because Simon’s magic is gone now. He’s never going to hum again, and I’m okay with that.

I still don’t know if he is.

Either way, he’s still my Simon.

His wings twitch more at my touch, my fingertips dragging across them. Simon makes an odd face in response, all scrunchy and kind of confused.

“All right, Simon?” I say, and it comes out softer than I meant it to.

Simon doesn’t acknowledge that. He nods. “It feels weird.”

I tilt my head. “Weird how? Weird bad?”

Simon shakes his head. “Just weird.”

I roll my eyes and make my touch a little firmer. As I continue to trail my hand across the wing, the angle gets awkward, and my touch becomes more fingernails than fingertips. Simon’s eyes bulge wide out of his head and he squeals. For the second time that night, I rip my hand away as though I’ve been burned.

“Simon?” I ask.

But Simon’s not listening to me. His eyes are locked on the wing I was touching, wide and nervous. I can’t tell if I hurt him. It’s frustrating. I don’t want to hurt him, anymore. 

                              Simon

This is absolutely unfair. I’d managed to hide it from Baz all these years. Penelope knew -- then again, Penny knew everything, it seemed -- and Agatha suspected, but Baz never knew.

His former mortal enemy, Simon Snow, is horribly, unbearably, stupidly ticklish. (And he maybe didn’t mind it as much as he would pretend to).

And of all the things to reveal that secret, it had to be my wings. Because it wasn’t enough that the rest of me was ticklish enough that a stray poke would send me rocketing into the ceiling, my magical wings were ticklish enough that Baz’s fingertips almost sent me flying away.

“Simon,” Baz says, and something tells me it isn’t the first time he’s said it. “Are you all right?”

And I want to deflect. I want to say it felt weird, or it hurt, or literally anything but the truth, but I can’t. Because Baz’s eyes are filled with guilt -- and I’ve gotten better at that lately, reading Baz’s emotions in his eyes when he refuses to show what he’s feeling on his face -- and I know he’s beating himself up over it. He probably thinks he actually hurt me.

“Fine,” I say, then I start stammering. I finally manage to force out, “Just tickled s’all.” I immediately regret it.

Baz looks like the cat who caught the canary.

                              Baz

Ticklish.

Simon Snow is fucking ticklish, and I never had any clue.

It makes sense why I didn’t, we were enemies after all, and that wasn’t exactly the kind of weakness you want your enemy to know. I don’t know if I would’ve used it against Snow if I had known, though. It was a rather intimate thing to do, and I had been in the business of touching him as little as possible unless it was a punch. Touching him could be quite painful, back when I was hopelessly in love with him.

It’s not quite so hopeless anymore.

I can hardly move fast enough in my excitement to know more. My hand instinctively goes for his wing, seeing as that’s what I’d been touching when I found out, but I stop just short of touching it. I’m not sure if touching it is still allowed.

Simon’s wing twitches into my touch. Based on the way Snow’s eyes go wide, I’d say that action wasn’t entirely under his control. Seems the wings have a bit of a mind of their own, or maybe they acted off of Snow’s subconscious impulses.

But I don’t care either way. Bunce could solve that mystery, she’s the one who likes to do that sort of thing.

All I care about is exploring this new world Snow’s opened up to me.

I trail my nails across Simon’s wing again and it twitches violently as he squeals again. I wiggle my nails with a little more purpose against the leathery skin and Simon breaks into actual giggles. A hand flies up to cover his mouth and I reach out and grab it with my free one, interlacing our fingers.

“None of that,” I say. “I want to hear you.”

“Baz!” Simon squeals, but I ignore him.

I decide that wiggling my fingers around aimlessly is going to get me nowhere. No, I need to seek out the real sensitive spots. I try to pull back the hand I’m holding Simon’s with, but he squeezes it tight in his grip. He’s probably realized what I plan to do with it. He always was good at sensing when I was plotting (though I suppose it’s not that hard when the answer is all the time).

It doesn’t matter though, because I can do what I want just as well with one hand. Simon doesn’t seem to realize he has a second hand fully capable of stopping me. It’s flailing around uselessly, and it’s disgustingly adorable.

Simon’s giggling gets louder and more frantic as I spider my nails up his wing, moving towards the base of it at his back. I can’t help the grin that comes to my lips, I just hope it doesn’t look as soppy and lovesick as I feel. Not that Simon would notice, his eyes are too scrunched up with laughter. His nose, too.

Once again: disgustingly adorable. It makes me sick.

Simon’s laughing deep from his belly, now, not just giggling anymore. It’s still getting worse the higher I go, so I don’t change directions. He actually wails in laughter when I get to the inside curve of his wing (it’s almost like an armpit, but for wings. Wingpit?), squirming so frantically that he collapses back into my chest. I can’t help but laugh with him.

I’ve heard Simon laugh before, but it’s gotten rarer and rarer as the years have passed. I haven’t heard it at all since the incident with the Mage and Ebb and the Humdrum, and it’s a refreshing sound. It’s like when you’re parched and you’re finally given a cold glass of water. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was until hearing it again.

                              Simon

Baz’s fingers are driving me mad. The touch is so light and teasing, it’s making my skin crawl. There are goosebumps all up and down my arms, and they’re not from the cold. I wish he would move to a different spot, or make his touch firmer, or something. It’s torture. The best kind 

I can barely breathe through my laughter, with the new sweet spot he’s found, and my stomach aches with the force of it. It’s invigorating. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I laughed until Baz forced it out of me. Not that I really minded.

I feel like I’m flying.

He’s laughing with me now, too, and it only makes me laugh harder. It’s not his usual sneering, cocky laugh that he always used to give me back in school, back before our truce. It’s more like the laugh he gave me when he was drunk -- or drunk on my magic -- light and bubbly and a little bit rough, like it’s out of practice.

Maybe I should tickle him back sometime. Get it back into practice.

But that’s the last coherent thought that I’m able to have before Baz’s fingers find a sweet spot inside the sweet spot. I’m lost to my cackling, the only thing on my mind being Baz’s tickling fingers. I wonder if it’ll drive me mad.

                              Baz

Snow’s laugh used to make me want to throttle him. Or at least punch him. It was just another reminder of what I couldn’t have, what I would never be able to have. Because Snow was my enemy and he was dating Wellbelove and we were going to kill each other someday.

Now, his laugh just makes me want to kiss him. It did that before, too, but I always buried it beneath the urge to beat on him. I’m allowed to kiss, now, though, and so the urge to punch him is gone. 

I feel like I’m floating.

And I really want to kiss him.

But he’s probably bound to run out of air, and I think it might be a little difficult to kiss his open, laughing mouth (even as much as the idea of swallowing his laughter into my own lungs is enticing), so I pull away. Simon goes boneless against me, panting and giggling, his wing still twitching from my lingering phantom touch. They furl up protectively against his back, and I get the urge to kiss them, too.

Maybe later.

For the time being, I satisfy myself with pressing my lips against Simon’s own, now that his breath has somewhat returned. Simon wastes no time in kissing me back, still with far more finesse than I can manage. I’m learning, though, and I’m clearly making progress based on the heady little noises he makes into my mouth.

I don’t need alcohol to feel drunk, or even Simon’s former magic coursing through me. I could get intoxicated on Simon alone. Not that I’d ever let him know that, he’d use it against me every chance he’d get. And I’d let him.

We spend the rest of our evening kissing under the stars, long after the hood of the car has gone cold under us. Simon’s wings wrap around us like a blanket, warm and smooth, and we keep kissing. The stars twinkle above them, painting beautiful shadows across Simon’s face. I trace them with my lips.

I have to be back at Watford in the morning. Simon has to be back at the Bunce’s before they notice he snuck out with me (though I imagine Penelope herself likely already knows). The world outside the little bubble we’ve created here continues to turn round, but we don’t have to rejoin it just yet.

For now, it can just be Simon and me, and everything can be all right.

[unmanageable-day]

you can read the first part here but i think it’s not that necessary lol

Pairing. Mingyu x y/n x Wonwoo

Genre. angst / ugly break up, mention of accusing of cheating

Summary. Mingyu doesn’t want to be that person he hates the most, who regrets everything later and realizes how precious one is after that person is not within his reach anymore. Unfortunately it is probably already too late

a/n: i used to have the longer version of his in my draft but tumblr didn’t let me save it and it got lost just like that.

He had been declining your intention to meet in person. It had been 5 days since he got discharged and went back home. You sent text messages to him everyday, asking if you could come over. He kept making excuses, saying he wanted to rest or he didn't feel good. Frankly he never felt good since Wonwoo visited him in the hospital. He knew once he agreed to meet you, it would be over that instant. It was difficult to get a wink of sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, Wonwoo's words kept echoing in his ears.

It's now a waiting game. She wouldn't want to be associated with you. She probably regrets knowing a Kim Mingyu. It's now a waiting game. Enjoy while it lasts. Being Y/N's boyfriend.

One day, it seemed you had reached the peak of frustration and it showed in your most recent text. 'Mingyu, I don't know how to put it into words. But I really need to talk to you and I don't think I can hold it any longer. If we can't meet, then I think I should just tell you through text.' Even Mingyu could hear the way you talked.

Without thinking, Mingyu called you right away. He was afraid to receive more texts from you because he knew what you would say. The idea of being dumped through text was scarier than he thought.

"Y/N?" "How are you doing?" "I'm.. good, I guess." "Look, I..." "After lunch. Is that okay?" he asked weakly. "Okay. I'll bring your favorite bread pudding." "No need to. I'm good." Mingyu tried hard not to choke himself when he realized tears were ready to stream down his cheeks. "But still.." "Y/N?" "Yeah?" "I love you." It was odd even for him to say it now. "Oh.." You sounded taken aback. You paused, not knowing what to say. "Anyway, I'm hanging up first," Mingyu continued. He knew he can’t take it anymore. 

He dragged his feet to wash his face. His mother was excited to hear that you would come over. She had no idea that you coming just for one purpose only; to end everything with her son. Mingyu had to force a smile and lie that he and you were fine.

Mingyu’s mother escorted you directly to the son’s room as you arrived. You found Mingyu sitting up on his bed, staring at nothing. His mother had to call him to snap him back to reality before leaving his bedroom.

You sat on the other edge of his bed. "Mingyu, I’ll just be straight to the point. About us..."

“Wait,” he interrupted with a weak voice. “I'll get you some cake Joshua brought yesterday. You'll love it.” Then he got up, leaving you in his bedroom for a moment.

You sighed. This should be easy.

Mingyu came back with a little smile, two plates of strawberry cake were on his hands. "Joshua is learning to bake. He's not on my level yet but the taste is not bad."

You smiled listening to him.

"Seungkwan just arrived from Jeju yesterday and brought some tangerines. I think my mom has prepared some for you too." He kept on going about his friends. Jeonghan finally going official with his girl friend. Seungcheol planning to go mount climbing with his gym buddies. Seokmin making new friends with some guys in the office. Until he was running out of his friends' life updates, Mingyu eventually slowed down talking.

"Can I have my turn to talk?" you asked, trying to read his mood carefully. He had been smiling a lot when he rambled about his buddies. You just didn't know—or maybe you just didn't care that much anymore that the smiley face was just a disguise.

No. Don't.. Mingyu now wore an expressionless face, his eyes locked on yours. He wished you could read his mind. He didn't dare to say 'don't say a word' right into your face.

"Mingyu, I.. I don't think we can, I can.. now it's just..." Why was it so hard to you to complete your sentence? It used to be easy with your previous boyfriends.

"Don't.." he mumbled.

"What?"

He shook his head slowly. His jaw was clenched, teeth gritted as he almost blurted it out. Don't continue. Don't speak a word..

Inhaling deeply, you continued. "Mingyu, don’t you think it would be better to end—"

"Y/N, please tell me we'll be alright," he cut in. His eyes looked desperate, searching for mercy while gazing deeply directly at yours. He gripped your hands, continuing, "I was wrong. We should have never fought. I messed up. The fault was all mine."

"Mingyu.."

"I'll do anything. Anything for you to forgive me. I will not ask anything about you and Wonwoo anymore. If you want to hang out with Wonwoo on weekends, you can go and I won't say anything. If you guys want to have your exclusive movie night, or game night, or even sleepover, it's okay, I won't question you anymore." He put his head down as he started to sniffle.

‘Seriously? You never got jealous over Chaeyeon just once?’ Mingyu asked one day, fascinated by the fact that you were his first girlfriend that never questioned about his best friend who was a girl.

‘Why should I?’ you chuckled. ‘I also have Wonwoo, remember?’

‘We’re definitely the coolest couple,’ he cheered happily.

Both Mingyu and you had been understanding about your respective best friends. You had no problem with Mingyu going out with Chaeyeon even when it was just the two of them. Mingyu also used to be fine when you had to cancel your dates because Wonwoo needed you. Until it didn’t work that way anymore one day.

"Mingyu, don't be like this."

"I'm sorry," he sobbed harder as he squeezed your hands. "If I have to beg on my knees, I will. So, please, let this stay in the past and we'll start anew."

You stayed still, feeling uneasy as you watched Mingyu weeping his eyes out. He kept mumbling 'I'm sorry's and 'this is all my fault's desperately.

"Mingyu, stop crying. Your mother will think I'm being violent to you." You reached out your thumbs to wipe off the tears all over his face. Contrasting the affectionate gestures, your tone sounded cold and your expression was dull. Or maybe irritated. That was what he thought judging from your frown.

Mingyu held your hands cupping his own cheeks. "Y/N, please?"

You quickly pulled your hands away. "Mingyu, let's give ourselves some more time to think, okay?"

—

"Mingyu?" You were flustered to see him in front of your door. More than a week had passed and you hadn’t seen him again to finish the last hanging conversation. You never expected him to come to you first like this.

"Y/N.." A smile—a bittersweet one—slowly crept up his lips, showing off his canine. He didn't look as content like he used to. His eyes couldn't even hide his sadness and he looked unsure of what he was doing. But from the way he called your name, there was a longing feeling in his voice.

"I'm sorry but you should go home, Mingyu," was all you could say.

He should know better that his presence was unexpected and probably unwanted. "I don't want to. It kills me inside to be home alone. It feels like dying to think that you're not within my reach, that you're so distant from me. Y/N, if you want to despise me, you can. If yelling at me can relieve your frustration, yell at me and I won't talk back. Y/N, please, just hate me for the rest of your life but please don't be like this. I can't stand this cold shoulders, it's torturing me. I just want to be a part of your life, as a person who can have all your trust, as a person who will always believe in you and be by your side, as a person who loves you with all my heart."

A cynical tsk was suddenly heard. Without making a sound, Wonwoo was approaching your side with his light steps just like a cat. "You finish with your words?"

"Jeon Wonwoo.. what—" He choked on his own words, effectively stopping himself from doing what he used to do; questioning your intimate friendship with Wonwoo. A train of memories of you and him arguing in a big fight suddenly slipped across his mind.

'What is exactly your relationship with Wonwoo? You often ditch me for him. Is he really that important and I'm not? I'm your boyfriend, Y/N.' 'Are you seeing him behind my back? Are you fucking him?' You thought you could hold it in, but not with him accusing you like this. 'Mingyu, you sound crazy, do you know that? Are you hearing yourself?' you snapped. 'I sound crazy right now? How about you always saying 'Wonwoo this' and 'Wonwoo that', when I am literally your boyfriend who puts you, my girlfriend, on top of my priority list?' 'Do you know how many times I have to hold myself back, because I don't want to be that insecure bitch saying 'don't go with Wonwoo', 'do you have to go with Wonwoo?' and 'I don't like it when you go out with Wonwoo'?' 'Are you playing with me now? Am I just a toy?' 'Is it fun two-timing me over your so-called best friend?' 'Two-tim— Mingyu, you—' That was the first time you raised your voice to him that you wanted to slap him hard. But you didn’t. 'Okay. Let's do this. Is it me or is it Wonwoo?' 'Mingyu, you're out of your mind!' you almost shrieked. 'I ask you one more time, is it me or is it Wonwoo?' 'I really can't do this. Fine if you really want to hear my answer. Sorry, Mingyu, good bye.' It hit him. 'Y/N! You didn't mean it, did you?' 'Sorry, Mingyu.. Wonwoo and I value our friendship in a way you will never understand. Wonwoo it is,’ you told him as you started to walk away. It hit him hard. He quickly reached your arms. The last thing he would want was regretting his decision and realizing how precious one is after losing her. 'Y/N! No, no, no. Forget what I asked. I can't lose you like this!' A heavy sigh escaped your mouth along with tears streaming down your cheek. 'Mingyu, I'm tired. I don't want to hurt you anymore. You're tired of that too, right?' you weakly said as you wiped your tears. With him not saying anything anymore, you left him without turning back.

Mingyu recalled one of the ugliest fight between you. It was painful to remember all the following parts when you gave up talking to him. When you chose Wonwoo over him. When you said you were tired of hurting him. When he just realized what he did wrong when you disappeared from his sight.

"If your business is done here, you should go home. Or are you going to ask why I'm here?" Wonwoo cooed.

Mingyu tried to ignore him. He turned to look at you, but you still looked unfazed, looking away as you crossed your arms. "I.. didn't know Wonwoo was here.."

A mocking chuckle escaped his mouth, scratching another wound to Mingyu's pride. "I am her best friend. I am here all the time. As a matter of fact, we were fucking. But you disturbed us."

To be honest, you were shocked to hear Wonwoo talking like that. On a normal daily basis, he was calm and speak nothing but good words. He never got himself involved in a cat fight. Except, when it comes to you, he will never hesitate to throw hands at anyone who dares messing up with you.

"No need to be surprised, right?" Wonwoo continued. "You said it yourself. You asked Y/N once, right? I guess you were very curious about whether she and I fuck each other. We do, Mingyu. We do."

You remained silent. Partially it was because you were taken aback at Wonwoo's odd behavior. He didn't usually get mad easily. You knew he would always take your side. But at the same time, maybe Wonwoo being like this would help to make Mingyu go away.

Mingyu was trembling on his spot. "Y/N, please say something," he weakly pleaded. At this moment he couldn't even tell if Wonwoo was just talking bullshit or it was actually the truth. Back in the days, when he confronted you about it, you immediately said no. For now he just wanted to believe what you said weeks ago.

Your mouth was sealed. Your eyes travel to take a glance at the tall guy just to flash him a dark, cold expression of yours before looking at the ground again.

“Y/N, please..” He was on the brink of crying.

You looked up and found his teary eyes. “You didn’t believe me when I said no. So what makes it different if you do  now? It won’t change anything anyways.”

"The real question is, Mingyu, what are you doing here?" Again, Wonwoo retorted, smirking, folding his arms on his chest. Surprisingly this gesture made him even more intimidating despite his slim figure. His victorious, confident smile definitely was what made him look superior. “Oh, right!” he continued, chuckling—mocking, “After a lot of things happened, I almost forget you’re still Y/N’s boyfriend. Or are you not anymore?”

You noticed how uncomfortable Mingyu was standing before you. At the same time, you were also reminded how he doubted your friendship with Wonwoo, how he always suspected you and Wonwoo, until he wrongfully accused you. Then you remembered what he said days ago, about him not saying anything about Wonwoo anymore. It turned out you still have a heart to not let Mingyu break down completely. The big, tall guy clearly had no idea what to do, or what to say. He was tense, nervous and restless, knowing that his presence unwanted. Even the habit of brushing his fringe back was only done once since he came; usually he did it thousands times and you used to mimic him on behalf of his friend, Seokmin.

You softly asked Wonwoo to go back to your kitchen to check on the scone you two made, and thankfully he obeyed you. Even when he left you, his victorious smrik wouldn't disappear as he kept eyeing the taller guy.

"Mingyu, it's not healthy for us—for you, to keep it this way," you uttered. "You should stop apologize too. It's already in the past. Even I won't bring it up again. You will be forgiven, I promise, but not now. For now, I think it’s best for us to go on our own."

"Please, give us another chance," he sobbed, his voice cracking.

You heard Wonwoo calling your name, followed by an unclear mumbles. But you sure did hear that your scone was failing.

"Mingyu, I'm sorry but I'm running late for Wonwoo's mom's birthday dinner." You looked concerned, but definitely not apologetic.

All energy in Mingyu's legs felt like vanishing totally. His stomach was filled by lots of emotion—mostly anger to himself, that he felt sick. He wasn't sure if he could support himself to stand straight and walk properly. Why did he even pick up a fight with you and vomit hurtful words, that you can't bear with him anymore?

"You see, there are some of your stuff here, and I should give it back to you but it's a mess right now. I'll have your stuff delivered to your house tomorrow."

Eventually Mingyu went down on his knees, still crying.

Wonwoo just shouted your name again. "Coming!" you exclaimed.

“What are those?” he asked between his sniffles, rather in horror as he noticed a box filled with various things. What he saw there shook him even more. 

Confused why he suddenly talked about anything else, you looked at the box as if it was nothing. The only thing visible to your eyes was an old scarf that Wonwoo unintentionally burned one day. So you assumed it was just a pile of useless stuff he found in your house. “I don’t know. Wonwoo has been decluttering the whole day. I think he’s going to throw them away.”

Mingyu’s heart sank again. How can you not see what was in that box? A snow globe he got for you when he traveled to Japan. A couple bracelet that he made it himself. Mini photo frames that had him and you in the pictures, smiling so happily. There were still other small stuff that he noticed which were gifts from him. And you said so easily that they were going to end in a dump.

"Mingyu, please?" Squatting down to be in the same eye level with him, finally you looked at him in the eyes, hoping that he would get it that him leaving was one thing you were expecting at the moment. "If there is any other way, I would look for it. But if it means I have to cut Wonwoo off, I can't. I hope I have made myself clear, Mingyu."

"There must be some other way and you don’t have to cut Wonwoo off. Let's look for it, together. Please?"

Shoulders shrugging and head tilting slowly at your side, you looked unsure with your brows furrowed. "I don't think so, Mingyu," you said, shaking your head. "You said it yourself, that we were a mistake."

"That— I don't mean—"

"Mingyu, you should never repeat the same mistake. You don’t want to get hurt for the second time."

[thecreativemystique]

On the way home

 Maybe it was the song that did it to me, or maybe the feel of the air with my windows down. But quite honestly I think it was the song. Whoever says we have memories tied to songs was, and is, correct. The memories, the images, the feelings that I have tied to songs is astounding. Driving home with bubble tea in my cup holder just leaving the ramen place; the weather has the same feel in the air and scent in the wind, colors of the sky look so similar, and this feeling, it all reminded me of a time that I feel is so far away, yet also in front of me - everything and nothing has changed. 

It feels as almost yesterday I was driving home from work with the intention to get bubble on the way home, maybe dumplings from one of my favorite places. Blasting Baekhyun or Taemin like they give me life. They did give me life, and they DO still give me life. Everything was too confusing. I was moving, my mom was sick, my sister was an emotional mess, my brother emotionally unavailable, and my dad stressed to a point where he became infectious to the people around him. I remember days I would be completely silent at work because my anxiety was at a soaring level. I recall one time specifically I started crying to two of my coworkers. I know I shouldn’t but I feel stupid for it now. Maybe because despite how reluctant I wanted to be to all the changes, I just let it all happen. And it did all happen. We moved, I left relationships and a job. Now when I look back I feel as if I left a whole life behind. I was so different then. I was sad, scared, miserable and depressed. I was frustrated at my family for my mom’s sickness and for my dad’s behavior, my sister acted as if all the responsibility of taking care of my mom was on her. She and my brother would argue all the time about it. I just stayed quiet and locked myself in my room. Even the times I did try to speak up I was always afraid someone would tell me to shut up because I’m “ignorant” or some stupid shit. But when my opinion was asked I never knew what to say because I don’t know how to care for someone else who quite literally cannot care for themselves. But that seems to be the only kind of people I can attract. 

Colin and Corrie were two of my friends. I’ve been friends with them for years, almost over 10. They never really knew what went on behind closed doors and I never really told them. I was embarrassed and I knew they didn’t have the mental and emotional capacity to understand. A lot of people don’t have it in them to understand this kind of thing that I have to go through at 23. But when I left we stopped talking. The two of them went back to school and I didn’t because I graduated. After the holidays came and went and they came back home for the summer they said I “cut them off”, which is half true. Corrie specifically thought I did and was mad at her. I didn’t care enough to reach out and explain anything to either of them. If she wanted to know how I felt she could have asked but she didn’t, and it’s not my responsibility to reach out. I stopped putting energy into a relationship I didn’t care to maintain or strengthen. Colin was a terrible friend, especially after he found out I had feelings for him. He was just too emotionally damaged for me to take care of and care about because he cared so little of himself. But for some reason I found that appealing and wanted him more than he ever wanted me. He chose his own self destructive tendencies over me. Guess I wasn’t enough for him to realize he’s letting his life go to shit and he needs to clean up his act. But no one can ever be enough like that for someone else. People like that are looking for something and they try to find it in someone else but it’s just not possible. Whatever that person is searching for can only find it in themselves. Colin was looking for someone to absorb all his problems and emotional trauma and take it away from him. All those summer nights that turned into fall. All those beer cans and cigarettes. Beach days and bars. I still did all of those things this summer, just with different people. I started hanging with a new crowd and it really has made me happier. Things really have changed, And maybe the reason that it feels the same is because of that scent in the air. It feels so familiar. I still remember that feeling of when he left, and the air became a bit crisper. The colors in the sunset began to shift. I began to shift; and change. I still listen to some of the same songs when I drive home, and I still stop for bubble tea and dumplings.

See, so many things are different, and when I look back on some days it does strike a chord deep in my chest. I can’t burry those feelings or memories. They happened and my feelings about them still exist. I can either ignore them or accept them. I guess it’s only the little things that continue to stay the same, because people come and go, feelings will change, but it’s those little moments we have that remind us that there is a drop of consistency. And maybe that’s what I really need in this uncertain world. 

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

Yayy! Despite trying to fight off a monster of a cold, I’ve got a new chapter written! :D

As I mentioned yesterday, this one is written from Logan’s POV because I’ve been wanting to create a back story for him in this story :) 

I’ll post the chapter under a line on here, but please check it out on Ao3 too! I love reading comments and stuff to find out what people think :)

Hope you like it!

Taglist: @psychedelicships  @edupunkn00b  @jwillowwolf @kacklingisanart @look-ma-im-on-tv @stardustlv @lost-in-thought-20

Chapter 5. My Heart Was Made Of Stone. And You Broke It Twice.

“But the wind has changed. My walls are weakening. They’re gonna fall soon. And I’m gonna need you.”

Logan was a man who always kept his emotions in check. He never let himself get too consumed by any kind of feeling. Happiness, sadness, love, hate, anger… Ever since he was sixteen, he refused to be vulnerable ever again. If you’re vulnerable, you can be broken. He had been broken far too many times when he was growing up.

His parents were agreeable, he couldn’t deny that… but he was never enough for them. Even as a young child, nothing was quite good enough. He remembered when the class teacher told his parents that he was the first child to learn how to write his name… he stretched up to show them and they let the paper flutter to the floor saying it wasn’t neat enough. He was only four! It got worse as he got older. Every time he was proud of something he had achieved, like getting a high grade, he was always asked why it wasn’t full marks. The unattainable goals were never reached and it took a lot to even vaguely satisfy them. He worked himself into the ground for the entirety of his school life, it affected his health, but they still weren’t happy. He was never strong enough, creative enough, serious enough, smart enough… and it hurt so much to know that. His friends however were amazing, they would always encourage him and make him take breaks when they knew he was working way too hard. They could always cheer him up and he was eternally grateful for that. Logan clenched his fists… he hated how much it knocked him down when he would walk in smiling over something that happened at school, to be told they weren’t interested and to just go and study. He always set himself up for the fall almost every day… no wonder emotions became such a hinderance. Luckily, music was his salvation for about eight years.

Logan took his head out of his hands, readjusted his eyes to the light and felt how raw they were from crying before staring at the dusty piano in the house intently. He used to be pretty good at playing. He loved his classical music, and still does. Just not playing it anymore. When he still had lessons, he was always thrilled with the challenge of increasingly difficult pieces given to him by his teacher. It was funny, his music teacher was the only person who ever truly believed in him. He was also the one person who could convince Logan to perform. The last concert he ever played in was the day before his sixteenth birthday, he played his most difficult piece to date… Chopin’s Fantasie Impromptu Op 66. They decided on that because it was originally a piece that no one was ever supposed to hear, Chopin never wanted it to be released after he died… but they did it anyway. His teacher said that he could then perform it however he wanted to, artistic interpretation and all that. He practiced and practiced at school so his parents wouldn’t hear it before. When it got to the concert, and his parents actually turned up, he was genuinely surprised. He walked out on the stage and sat down looking for his teacher who gave him a smile and a thumbs up, then the music began. He felt almost like he was watching himself play, he had never played with such determination before and as the final note rung out… there was silence. Before the room broke out into applause, his teacher was standing up clapping vigorously, then some of his classmates and other parents stood up too. His parents however were sat down, clapping politely with a neutral expression on their faces and Logan’s smile faltered. He gave a quick bow and walked quickly off the stage. His teacher followed him and gave him a hug while telling him how proud he was. Logan couldn’t stop the tears, he had never cried in front of another person, but no one had ever been proud of him before either. How embarrassing. The first time he had been shown positive interest by someone he respected, and he cried until the top of their shirt was damp with his tears. His teacher just held him and told him everything was okay. After he had calmed down and the tears had stopped, he went to go and join his parents for the second half of the concert, but their seats were empty.

In that moment, he didn’t get upset again and stayed unusually calm, and he knew that this was the final straw. He stayed at a hotel for the night at the insistence of his teacher, that way he could sort out his head and start looking up different apartment options. Which he did realise could be tricky as a sixteen-year-old… but he was smart, reliable, didn’t drink or smoke and had a substantial amount of money at his disposal. He waited until the morning and snuck back into his parent’s house to collect all of the things that he deemed necessary. Thankfully, the hotel manager was understanding and let him stay for the bare minimum price until he could find an apartment for himself. It took a few months, and the landlord had to be persuaded by his music teacher, but he found an apartment which was close to everything he needed and was affordable. One day, he would repay that teacher back for everything he had done for him.

He looked at the calendar, the picture of him and Virgil smiling and holding up their wedding ring hands was taunting him on the wall. He noticed the date. Wow, it had been ten years since he left without looking back, and he never heard a single word from them.

That was clearly for the best.

Ever since then, he never let emotions get the better of him ever again. However, as he looked around at the decimated living room, he had clearly broken and let all of those emotions consume him once again. Logan inspected the damage, as he traced the hole in the wall, the shattered photo frames and glass covering the floor, it caused his heart to fill up with regret. His heart was already full of pain, the regret was enough to make his heart quite literally tear in two. Virgil was the first person he felt like he could be vulnerable with again. When they first met, there was something about him, something that reminded him of himself. Maybe this guy was just as broken as he was, as he saw him hiding in the corner of the coffee shop trying to stay away from the world. He told Virgil this many times, but he had encased his heart in stone to keep it safe. As their relationship developed, as stupid as it sounds, he could feel the stone wall cracking and breaking off piece by piece, and he honestly didn’t mind in the slightest.

Now, he didn’t know what was going on with his heart. He was hurt, he was angry. It’s not every day you find out that the man you’ve been married to for the last five years spent most of his life as a well-trained and dangerous assassin. Going by Virgil’s words alone, the body count to his name is staggering and who knows how many people he’s hurt over the years. The argument they had earlier in the evening was playing on repeat in his mind.

“I couldn’t tell you!” Virgil shouted across the room.

“Why the hell not?! I’m your fucking HUSBAND Virgil, you are supposed to trust me. No matter what’s happened in your past!” Logan rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Okay, you want to know why I hid everything from you? I did it to PROTECT you! My past is something that can be used against me, it is still being used against me. If anyone from it came after you… I would never be able to forgive myself!” The tears wouldn’t stop rolling down Virgil’s face as he spluttered out the words while his body shook with sobs.

Despite the hurt of seeing Virgil in so much pain, Logan couldn’t contain his anger. “What makes you decide if I need protecting? I can handle myself, ever since I was sixteen I’ve been on my own… You know that!”

Virgil sighed, like he was debating whether or not to say his next sentence.

“Remember when we met all those years ago? You told me about how you were attacked and how scared you were after it? Well… it was me. I was the guy who saved you. Every day since that moment, I vowed that I would protect you no matter the cost. Then I fell in love with you along the way, and I’ll love you until the end of time. If you want to know the truth about me, I know he gave you something. Look at it, and I won’t blame you if you try to turn me in to the police afterwards. I have to go now though, otherwise you will get hurt… I’m sorry, Lo.” Logan was left dumbfounded, and Virgil ran out of the front door, slipping away into the night.

There had been so many lies and too many secrets. He remembered that USB stick he threw in a drawer months ago. He opened it up and stared at the blue object, the label that read ‘Virgil… ?’ taunted him mercilessly. He looked over at his open laptop that was spared from his destructive anger, should he look at it?

Logan shook that thought away instantly, he needed to clear up first before making any kind of decision. He crouched down on the floor and started to sweep the glass over towards the sofa with his hand, just so he could clean it properly soon. He got to the first photograph, him and Virgil sitting in a restaurant holding hands and smiling at the camera. That picture was taken by Thomas and Nico, their two closest friends… He thought he should text them and see if they could come over. Virgil left half an hour ago, and he already felt too alone.

He’d contact them later, but for now. He wanted to stare at photographs and revel in his memories.

[darkfairy-tales]

Love Potion Mishap

Description: Chanhee shouldn't have used the so called 'love potion' made by Hyunjae.

Pairing: Juyeon x Chanhee

Genre: Werewolf au, Fluff

Warning: Slightly suggestive

"This. Here take it! You should use this. Get a love life." Hyunjae had said. Chanhee look down at the small perfume like thing Hyunjae had handed him. Hyunjae was learning how to make potions and all. He had made this so called 'love potion' to Chanhee saying it was not something dangerous. He had agreed after all what could go wrong right? He takes off the lid and applied some of the liquid on his wrist and neck. It smelled nice. Like strawberry and a bit like rose too. "Hmmm" He hummed happy with the scent. He didn't feel really different. Thinking it was not working he went to his bed laying down as he falls asleep fast, his breath getting steady.

When he wakes up he almost shrieks in shock. Almost. "What the hell Juyeon?" He squeaks out. His slightly older roommate is over him. His nose twitching. Juyeon was an alpha who has been sharing rooms with him for 2 years. Chanhee had been crushing over him for quite long but never had the courage to confess. "You smell different." Juyeon grunts leaning down nosing along his jaw. Chanhee's breath hitching at the position they were in. "What?" he croaks out trying to calm his heart. "You smell... stronger. Like.. you smell like yourself but stronger. Your scent became stronger." Juyeon says. Chanhee hummed not being able to speak properly. "It's pleasant as usual but..." Juyeon trails down. Just then Chanhee received a lick up his neck making him shiver. His face turned bright red as he pushed Juyeon away. "Wh-what the fuck juyeon?" He stuttered out. The alpha huffs giving him a guilty look. "I was trying to scent you. Your smell is too strong. You are going to catch other alpha's attention. You smell too pleasant." Juyeon says. Chanhee blushes at his words. "I smell good?" He asked. Juyeon snorts. "I have been telling you that." He says.

Chanhee smacks him on his shoulder. "Shut up. I am not a werewolf like you. I am just a fae hybrid. I can't smell myself." He says pouting. "Your scent is addicting. But I am used to it." Juyeon says as if it was the most casual thing to say making Chanhee splutter. "Whatever now lemme sleep more!" He grumbles laying down. He feels the bed dip a bit a the side as Juyeon lays down beside him. "Can I continue scenting you?" Juyeon asks. Chanhee couldn't say no. As much as it was wrong he liked it when the older was close to him. "Hmm yeah I guess." he mumbles with his eyes closed snuggling closer to Juyeon. He doesn't complain when the alpha starts nosing along his neck. He falls asleep rather quickly, comforted by the presence of the alpha.

It was in the dinner later when things gets really tense. Chanhee sits on his usual seat besise Juyeon and Younghoon who is also another alpha. "You smell so nice." Younghoon says almost purring as he leans towards Chanhee to take in his scent more. "Uh thanks I guess." Chanhee says. Younghoon had always said his scent was good but today the way he said made Chanhee feel goosebumps. Juyeon growled from the side. "Get your nose away Younghoon." He says grumbling, looking away. "Okay let's start eating guys." Jacob, who is a fae hybrid just like Chanhee said trying to break the tense atmosphere surrounding the dinner table. Chanhee gets startled when Sunwoo, a rather young alpha in the group, put his share of meat on his his plate. "Eat up hyung." The younger smiles shyly. Younghoon does the same looking at Chanhee proudly. "You guys know that I have my own share right?" Chanhee says feeling almost uncomfortable. Hyunjae looks around with a smirk. His oh so great invention seemed to be working fine. Chanhee started eating not bothering to say anything more. He was ready to just go back to his room already. Everyone's attention was on him today. Well almost all the alphas of the group.

The Next Day~

"Hey younghoon can I borrow your-" Chanhee asks walking inside Younghoon's room but comes to halt when he see Younghoon literally naked. The alpha smiles cockily at him. "Borrow what?" He asked. "Y-your earphone." Chanhee says looking anywhere but at the alpha. Younghoon gets the earphone from his bed and walks up to him handing the earphone. "You know you can come to me whenever you need something." Younghoon says leaning towards closer to Chanhee. He nods not trusting his voice. "Can I taste you?" Younghoon asked out of the blue making Chanhee flinch. "D-Don't joke around l-like that!" Chanhee says laughing nervously. "Who said I was joking? You smell so nice Chanhee. I just want to... mark you." Younghoon says almost moaning at his own words. "Maybe next time!" Chanhee all but yells as he runs away.

He runs into his room and slams the door close. Juyeon who was sitting on the bed with his laptop on watching some sort of movies looked up. "You okay?" He asked Chanhee almost break down. "What the fuck is happening to me? To us?? Every werewolf in this house is acting weird as fuck! You are the most sane and maybe sangyeon hyung too. But then I haven't taked to sangyeon since yesterday. But what the fuck I went to borrow earphone but Younghoon was there fucking naked and he said he wanted to mark me!" Chanhee says crying out at the end. Tears of frustration and confusion falling down. Juyeon quickly approached him taking the smaller male in his arms. "Shh it's okay. Maybe.. maybe they are close to their rut." Juyeon said with a blush on his face. Chanhee sniffs. "It's so weird. Even earlier sunwoo had been eyeing me all the time." He says almost whining. Juyeon feel a growl bubble up in his chest. Chanhee suddenly gasps when he remembers something. "I know what is happening! The fuck. I am going to kill Hyunjae hyung and feed him to wild dogs." Chanhee says scowling.

Juyeon looks at him confused. "You know how our school teaches about potions and stuff. Obviously Hyung tried to make a love potion. He gave me to it and asked me to use and said it was NOT DANGEROUS. I used it. Only a bit. But I have alphas who looks ready to fuck me anytime they get!" Chanhee says with a frustrated sigh. "Did you took a bath? Maybe it will go away?" Juyeon asked. "I have taken bath twice! Twice Juyeon! This isn't going away easily." Chanhee says smacking his own forehead. "Well... how about I scent mark you? I mean it can cover your scent a bit. Because I think that whatever that potion was that hyunjae hyung gave you it seems just enhance your pheromones which in turn is affecting all the alphas in your group. Really strong pheromones can mess up the minds of unmated alphas." Juyeon says. "What about you then? Doesn't it affect you." Chanhee asked. Juyeon looked at him not knowing how to exactly answer. "No. Maybe because I already love you. A lot." He blurted out. Chanhee's expression turned to shock. "Really?" He asks in a small voice. Juyeon nods. The smaller almost threw himself on him. "I love you too. A lot." Chanhee says smiling. "You are my mate Chanhee. I have known it since the day I met you. I just didn't knew how to bring it up. Because you are not a werewolf like us and I didn't knew if you are going to be okay with the fact that you are going to be stuck with me forever." Juyeon confesses hugging the smaller close. "You are an idiot. But I love you a lot and I won't mind spending my lifetime with you." He mumbles.

Juyeon pulls him up holding him close as both of them gets into the bed. Juyeon getting over the smaller who was looking at him with deep curious eyes. "So should I start with my scent marking?" Juyeon asked with a smirk making Chanhee laugh. "Yes yes." The smaller says. Juyeon leaned down nosing at Chanhee's neck and collarbones, letting his pheromones out. Chanhee doesn't complain when the alpha starts licking his skin. He also doesn't complain when the alpha accidentally marks him biting down on his neck. It hurted. But he didn't complain. His body heating up at that moment. Juyeon was lost in a daze. Chanhee's scent enhancing more than it already was all of a sudden and then it slowly went away. His scent went back to normal yet Juyeon could still smell Chanhee, his mate, every clearly. Very strongly. His scent making the alpha feel high. "I am s-sorry. I didn't meant to mark. I mean I do want to mark you but I should have asked." Juyeon rambles. Chanhee just pulls the alpha down hugging him. "I don't mind." He mumbles. Juyeon smiles at that. "I love you Chanhee." Juyeon says, the younger smiling contenly at his words. "Let me rest now. I am tired for some reason." Chanhee says as he closes his eyes. Juyeon pulls him closer patting his head, running his fingers through his hair lulling the smaller to sleep.

Later no one stops Chanhee when he smacked the living lights out of Hyunjae. But Chanhee also thanks the older because without his stupid love potion, him and Juyeon couldn't have confessed to each other.

[End Of Story]

Hello lmao this is another random plot I came up with! Because I have been watching too much JuNew moments. Anyways I hope you all liked this story hehe. Don't forget to like and reblog! Also don't forget to stream Stealer MV and vote for THEBOYZ.

Love you all. Buiii~

[brashierc]

SD Card

Request:  Something happening to one of his camera and him blaming you when it turns out to be coz of someone else

***

You were the one to put his camera and SD cards away. He had left it out on the bus before he left with the boys to go celebrate a great show in Nashville. You had opted out of going, having a slight headache and wanting to chance to call your mom and not have a bunch of boys talking about bullshit in the background.

So since he knew you were the one to put his things away, you were the first he blamed when he couldn’t find the SD card.

“Y/n, literally where did you put it.” He groaned.

“I put it in your back, in the little zipper compartment on the side like you show’d me.” You sighed, repeating yourself for the third time.

“It’s not in here!” He snapped.

You looked up from your book, no longer willing to let his frustration roll off you. “Well did you fucking move it this morning?” You spit out at him.

“No! I haven’t touched this bag all day, I haven’t touched it since before the show yesterday. So you tell me, since you’re the one who moved it, what the fuck happened to it?” 

“I don’t know! I’ll tell you again. I saw your camera and card laying on the table when I got off the phone with my mom. I put it away so it wouldn’t get ruined or broken when everyone returned. I then set the bag on top of your suitcase so it would be with your things. That’s it!” 

He rolls his eyes, closing the bag and standing up from the little table. He stares at you on the bus couch, and his jaw clenches. 

“Do me a favor.” He practically growls. “Don’t touch my shit. That was three shows worth of footage that I’ve now lost thanks to you. I can’t afford to keep having you ruin things.” 

He turns and stalks away as you stare at his retreating figure. Tears well in your eyes, jaw dropped at the words he so easily let slip from past his lips. 

“Dude,” Brian leaned out of the small kitchen, finding Connor throwing some of his shit into his bunk. He turns and looks at you, watching as your cheeks go hot in embarrassment. 

You stand, reaching for your purse, slipping your sandals on, and walking off the bus with your book and phone in hand. You weren’t gonna sit there with the band and crew, allowing them all to stare at you.

‘I can’t afford to keep having you ruin things.’ 

It’s really the only thing that keeps replaying through your head. What else had you ruined? Did you really ruin things for him? 

Your phone starts ringing and you silence it, not wanting to talk to Brian. You just want a moment to yourself, so you can clear your head and allow his words to sink in. 

**

Connor stalks down the hall of the arena, angry that you’d lost his SD card, but also angry at himself for the way he treated you. He’d lost things of yours before an while you had been a little sad and disappointed you never became angry with him. You understood that accidents happen. 

“Connor!” Shawn calls, rushing to catch up with him. “Hey man, here’s your SD card back.” 

“My what?” Connor breathes out, looking down to see the exact card that was missing in the tattoo’d hand. 

“Yeah, I took it this morning to see if I could download and cut a few vids together. Got a call from my Social Media manager this morning. I guess I need to make another post about Tour and I wasn’t totally digging what I had prepared.” 

Connor’s speechless. 

“Everything looks great man, you’re really uping your game after every show. I’m loving all the shots you’re getting.” 

With that Shawn walks away, leaving a hollow Connor standing in the hall. 

**

He’s been looking for you all day, wants to apologize and hold you, let you cry and maybe even cry himself. 

He’s so disappointed in himself, he vowed to always be understanding with you, and at the first moment to prove that he snapped at you, and said things he never meant to say.

You didn’t come to the show, and you still weren’t at the arena by the time they were packing up the bus. You wouldn’t answer your phone calls or text messages and he was really starting to worry now. 

He kept pacing back and forth, biting at his thumb nail nervously.

“Con!” Brian yelled at him. “She just walked on the bus!” 

Connor looked over, spotting Brian and full on sprinting to the bus in the loading dock. 

He fell up the stairs in his mad dash to get to you, and he almost shoved Mike into the wall when he found you behind him in the hall. 

You were messing with your bunk, and when you sighed, resting your head against the ledge he reached out and touched your arm. You jumped, yelping as you stepped back from his hand before peering up at him. 

Your eyes are red and puffy from the time you spent crying, face a little swollen from the tears, cheeks still wet. 

“Oh Baby,” He cried, wrapping you up in his arms. 

You were wore out form your day of balling your eyes out. No energy left to fight against his hold. 

“I’m so sorry, so sorry.” He whispered in your ear.

“I’m sorry I lost your card. I swear I put it in your bag. But I’ll get you a new one. And maybe your right, maybe I am ruining this experience for you. So I’ll look for a flight home tomorrow. That way I won’t be in the way and lose things for you.” 

His heart was breaking at the croak of your voice, and the words you were saying.

“No! Baby no! I’m so sorry I accused you of misplacing my card. And I fucking hare myself for saying that you ruin things. You don’t, you’ve never ruined anything. You always make things better, you make things immensely better.” 

“I don’t, I’m in the way and I lost your-” 

“You’re not in the way!” He pulls back, hands on your shoulders so you have to look at him. “You’re not in the way. Ever! Don’t ever fucking say that again. And you didn’t,” He sighs. “You didn’t lose my card. Shawn had it the whole time. I didn’t know he took it.” 

You sigh in relief, eyes falling shut. “Thank fucking god, I was so scared that it was really lost.” 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, his own tears welling in his eyes. “I hurt you, and I promised never to do that. I won’t do it again, that’s not a promise that’s a swear. I’ll make it up to you.” 

“Think I’m gonna stay in my bunk tonight.” You whisper, looking to your bunk that you’ve made up with your blanket and pillow.

Since you joined tour you’ve crammed into Connor’s bunk, practically sleeping on each other, just to have the time to be with the other, the closeness. 

“No, Babygirl, please don’t.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. We’ll talk better next time, we’ll work together to solve the issue. I’ll really work on fighting with you and not against you.” 

You smile, nodding at the words you’ve wanted to hear him say all day. 

“I still need some time.” 

“Please Babygirl.” He tugs at his hair, breathing picked up and erratic. 

“Goodnight Connor, I’ll see you in the morning.” With that you kiss his cheek and climb into your bunk, pulling the curtain closed. 

You hear him take a deep breath and whisper an ‘I love you so much’ before he walks away. 

**

“Connor?” Shawn asks when Connor sits down, head in his hands, tears streaming down his face. “What happened? What’s wrong?” 

“She’s upset with me.” He cries out. 

“What?” 

“Fuck I hurt her so bad, and she’s upset, and is staying in her own bunk. And I don’t know what to do to make it up to her.” 

“What are you talking about?” Shawn moves to sit next to his friend, Brian now entering the room.

“This morning,” Connor hiccups.

“Yeah Dude, what the fuck was that? I’ve never seen you like that? And Y/n? Fuck man, it broke my heart to see her face.” 

“What are you talking about!” Shawn asks, looking between his friends. 

Connor can barely catch his breath, hiccuping with each deep breath he tries to take.

“This morning, Connor couldn’t find his SD card.” 

Shawn blanches and looks to Connor and then back to Brian. 

“And so he asked Y/n if she’d seen it since she put his camera away after the Nashville show. She told him that she’d put it in the bag where he always keeps it but it was gone. Connor asked her like 4 times, and by the fourth time with her having the same answer he like lost it.” 

Shawn’s just staring at Connor. “I yelled at her, and I told her not to touch my shit because I couldn’t afford to have her keep ruining things. But she’s never ruined anything!” 

“Oh my god, Connor.” Shawn tugs at his own curls. “Why didn’t you say anything? Fuck, Connor! I’m so sorry. Fuck man, if I’d just texted you I had it or left a note or something.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Connor shakes his head. “It’s mine. I’m the one who overreacted. I’m the one who hurt my girl. I’m the one who broke a promise to her and I’m the one who fucked up.” 

Brian and Shawn’s heads whip up when you stalk into the room. You walk to Connor, reaching down and grabbing the front of his shirt, pulling him up and out of the lounge area with you. He gasps, standing to his feet and quickly follows you until you nod to your bunk. 

He climbs in, noticing you’ve grabbed his pillow and favorite blanket. You climb up after him, pushing him around to lay in the position where you could lay on your stomach, head on his chest, right leg hiked up and tangled between both of his.

“We’ll work on fighting with each other and not against each other.” You murmur against his chest. “We’ll work on communicating better and not running off on the other when we’re really feeling strong emotions. You shouldn’t have said what you said and walked away, and I shouldn’t have run away all day after you said those things. We should have sat down and had a real conversation about how we were feeling and what we could do for the other at that moment. Whether it be give each other space or to work on resolving the issue.” 

He hums in agreement, running his fingers through your hair, hoping to soothe you. 

“I’m glad you found your card, I was extremely worried it was really lost. I won’t touch your things again, without your permission.” 

He holds you tighter. “You have my permission to touch my things at any moment. Thank you for thinking for me when you saw my things laying out. I should have been more responsible and put them away, but thank you for doing that for me. And thank you for letting me hold you right now, I don’t deserve you, but I’m gonna do everything in my power to show you everyday that you mean the absolute world to me.” 

“I love you Connor Brashier, we have a lot to talk about and work on, but right now? I’ve been crying all day, I have a headache and I’m extremely tired. So I wanna fall asleep on your chest and let your heartbeat soothe mine.” 

“I love you more, I love you so much more.” 

//

Written by: @shawnm521

[kichimiangra]

I only needed 5 minutes...

A story of my day.

I Dunno who actually wants to read this? I wouldn't even want to. But I feel like I need to vent. The last couple of weeks have been fucked... but yesterday I ruined the day... again. I've been doing that alot lately. Almost every other Saturday since August. I hope venting makes me feel better if nothing else. I'll probably delete this later because I don't like leaving a notable paper trail of this stuff that anyone can find. Nothing but trouble comes of that. When I'm on my pc I'll put this under a read more because I dunno how to do that on mobile.

-----------------------

The Holidays are almost over and I am running out of time to get done. One thing in particular, a gift, is unfortunately gone. My mom has orchestrated all of Christmas, even down to the gifts other people are getting for her... and she's not happy about it. She feels like nobody is willing to lift a finger to help her make Christmas happen. I wanted to surprise her.

She loves making soap. I'm not good at sculpture but I wanted to make a custom soap mold for her. I began with the original that would be used to make the mold. It took days upon days of trying and retrying to get it satisfactory, including one failure where my momnpoked her head in and I slammed my chin down on it so she wouldn't see, though my dad swears my mom never pokes her head into my room... but like she does???

Anyway... I finally had my original, though I think I could do better there's not much time left. I ordered a silicone mold kit and went to work... and it failed immensely. BUT there's still a little time left! I'll order another. Now THIS time was frustrating.

My mom wasn't being nosy... but literally EVERYTIME I got the stuff out to work on she would be there by sheer coincidence! Wait until she's asleep? Dad will have a coughing fit and wake her up and she'll wander out into the kitchen. Wait until she's out of the house? She never leaves. Wait until she does? She forgot something and comes home unexpectedly and I have to quickly hide my shit. She's not doing it on purpose but it gets more and more frustrating that I just can't just fucking get this done! Like... Jeebus Christmas! My dad says this doesnt happen but... it does????? And then I fuck up my second attempt. Fuck... I have less time...

But that's okay! I have enough time to order another kit! I've only spent 80$ so far with nothing to show but third times a charm!!!

Once again I just can't get the time to get this done. She's always there, or up, or poking her head in. It's almost cartoonish! But I have not time left. It has to be today.

My folks go down for an afternoon nap and I immediately get to work. I get toward the end of working, all's going well. I only need 5 minutes...

Then my dad gets up and my moms not far behind. Fuck... I can't move the mold yet... fuck. I just need 5 fucking minutes! I'm wrestling with curious cats. Fuck... My dad is useless at maybe luring my mom away. Fuck... my mom insists she needs to be in that same corner I'm working at. Fuck...! I just need five minutes!!!

Then of course disaster strikes... there's a crack or a hole in my original and silicone is leaking out! I had barely enough silicone to even make this happen! I can't afford to lose anymore! Fuck! I need to fix this! I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

I'm getting frustrated to the point I am starting to do that angry sob thing. I take it to another room now that I can move it. I just need 5 minutes to fix this! My parents follow my to the other room to find out what's wrong. Honestly my dad knows what I'm trying to do so given the context what do you thing is wrong dad? Clearly something has gone wrong with my mold. I tell him to go away cuz really I'm trying to fix this and I need to be left alone. I need five minutes to fix this... but he won't leave until I tell him what's wrong. I try to whisper it to him, the mold is leaking, I don't have enough silicone, nowhere local sells it, I can't get more in time. But his hearing has gone so he can't hear what I'm saying! He wants me to speak up but mom is just around the corner in the other room! I need him to fucking go. I'm frustrated and I tell him rudely "Just fuck off! I have to fix this!" Rude and inappropriate I know... but I just need 5 fucking minutes to fucking fix this I am sobbing at this point.

My dad leaves but of course my mom comes in next and wants to know what's wrong. I'm being very curt with her using my body to block the sight of my mess, telling her as calmly as I can, which isnt very calm, that nothings wrong, no she cant help me fix it, I'll tell her later, go back to the kitchen. I don't swear at my mother. That is important. I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

Finally the leak stops but so much silicone is on my baking tray that the mold is no longer submerged. I use a plastic spoon to get as much as I can back in the mold but it's not enough. I'm covered in silicone up to my wrist, and it's also in my hair. I put it up on a high shelf because the cats helped ruin mold #2 and sit down to mourn the loss of the only gift I had for my mom. I had no backup plans and this ones a bust.

I just need 5 minutes to calm down. I was rude to my parents and need to apologize to them, but first I need 5 minutes to just calm down and breath. Maybe I can find another gift in time? Maybe I can just wrap the original and promise in the nearish future when I can procure more silicone that she will have a mold? First I need to calm down. Then I need to apologize.

My dad comes into the room and chews me out about how rude as I was and how I need to go apologize to my mother. I hate when they do this, now when I apologize it's because I was told to, not because I took the initiative to. My folks can't comprehend I would otherwise apologize if not being told. All I wanted was 5 minutes to calm down.

I go and apologize. I am not the good guy in all of this, I am an adult. An autistic adult but an adult nonetheless, and being rude to my parents was inappropriate regardless. I didn't get my 5 minutes but off to apologize I go. "I'm sorry I lashed out guys. I was doing something, it didn't go my way, I got super frustrated and you guys were just there by coincidence. I didn't mean to lash out." I did mean what I said.

Mom didn't see it that way. My mom is very passive aggressive and honestly I get to be one of the reasons today she hates living here in this house and around us because all we do is "abuse" her physically and verbally. She hates living here and she hates being around us. I apologized again because great. Once again Kacey ruins everything. I need to stop being upset about this shit it's like every other saturday! She continues about how much she hates it here. I leave the room trying and failing not to sob.

My mom also gets up and goes to another room. Whatever she's doing is loud and she's quite verbal about it. I go back to my room, I just need 5 minutes to cry and calm down again. I still have other shit to do for Christmas too.

My mom comes by with a box and puts it on the table, with a sharpie she writes "Christmas soap fail 2020" and tells dad to take it to the basement. For context we had been making soap kits for xmas gifts. I had coworkers who got me gifts. I was dissuaded from buying them much in return because we were makin by the soap gift bags. Those where the soaps... I have nothing in return to give my coworkers. I don't have enough time... all the while my mom is still going off. Later my dad says it wasn't all my fault, he had done something to upset her earlier in the day, then my older sister, I was just the straw that broke the camels back. But honestly in this family it's whatever baby wants; baby gets." And what baby wants is to be mad at me.

I go upstairs and hide in my brother's room. Surprisingly despite the fact that my mom acts like he is one of the only people who care about her and defend her, he was the first one to tell me "Fuck her. If she wasn't going to be mad at you it was going to be something else. Now watch me play Aladdin on Sega genesis!"

After a while my younger sister came over to do her laundry. I began to quietly tell her what the flippity floop she walked in on. In the middle my mom came out and started chewy us out. Y'know, don't let her interrupt us from talking privately amongst ourselves about how much of a bitch she is. Her words not mine. And to be fair I was telling my sister about how I lashed out and caused this. But my mom doesn't like when we sibs talk privately, though she also doesn't like if we overhear what her and my dad talk about privately. Double standards I know.

I thought maybe if I explained what was up maybe she'd understand? So I out myself. I was trying to make her a surprise gift. She orchestrated ALL of Christmas and I just wanted to surprise her. Everything started going wrong and I was getting frustrated because she woke up and entered the room at an AWFUL time and I couldn't get me and my wip gift away from her seeing which made everything worse. Now one thing to know about my mom, explaining oneself is equated to excusing your behavior... and she does not tolerate that. She chews me out more. I'm sobbing again.she insists I told her to fuck of and get away from me... even though I did NOT curse at my mom... at all. I was rude but I did NOT say that! I repeat that I had just wanted to surprise her. She tells me about how unsurprised she is that this is how her day ends. She tells me that she doesn't want whatever trinket I was making for her because now it's tied up in the baggage of having apparently told her to fuck off and get away from me, that she doesn't want another in a long line of ass-kissy gifts because that makes being rude to her okay. It wasn't an ass kissy gift in response to being rude to her... it was a custom made Christmas gift for her... because I thought she'd be surprised? Because I thought it'd make her happy? Though I guess it doesn't matter... she doesn't want it anymore. She doesn't care what it was. Now it is a bad reminder of me treating her like everyone in her whole life has except specifically people who are dead. I have ruined quite a few things.

Honestly... I love my mom. I love her so much and I wish she could be happy. I want to do things to make her happy. But when she tells me that I am just one of the things that make her wanna run away to another state and tell no ody where she went and love alone... I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I wish I was dead.

I am a 29 year old autistic woman. I feel like a failure at growing up. I have stressed part of my colon into not working anymore. I still live at home with my parents and work in a minimum wage fast food job. I have few friends and I speak to them infrequently, but if you are at a place where I call you friend... we could not talk for 10 years and your still my friend until officially broken up. I surround myself with animals and I play with a digimon tamagotchi. My sisters have grown up jobs and drive and live in an apartment away from home and I feel like a failure because I missed all these adulting milestones. I feel CONSTANTLY guilty about everything. I feel like I can't say "hey let's do a shark mermaid themed charity zine and all the proceeds can go to buying preservatives for Rosie the dead great white shark!!!" Without the guilt at the mere idea that someone will tell me "Wow... you care more about a dead shark than say... real living people? You know there's no water in Flint right???" Without feeling guilty that... yes? I like a dead shark more than living people? I don't like people? Also shark is cool? I feel guilty that if I call a day off work SOMEONE ELSE has to be inconvenienced to work my shift. I feel guilty playing World of Warcraft because I'm accused of "Chasing a time I view as better" instead of growing up and moving on. I feel guilty about wanting to ask for someone else's time because they too have shit to do. I feel guilty about so many things...

And I feel guilty when my mom says I'm just another abuser in her life. Her fuse is so short it takes almost nothing to set her off. You have to be calm and happy all the time or she has to "walk on eggshells because anything she does can set US off!"

When my mom is mad at me like that... I hate myself. I have some dark thoughts on a normal day but when she's mad at me in this specific way... I wish I could just unexist. Or go to sleep and just not wake up. I can always logic my way away from the dark thoughts... but they're there nonetheless. And when I'm one of the things that makes my mom want to run away? Then I just wish I was dead really. Or just unalive. Not since I was 14 at least. I don't want to die. Just cease to be. I don't know if that counts as being suicidal but I'll tag for it anyway.

I don't normally talk about this shit with people. I don't wanna look like I'm crying out for attention or help or pity. I don't talk to my folks about it because there's never a good time. When I try to hint it's not taken seriously, and when things aren't bad I don't feel as bad. Keeping quite hasn't made me feel better so maybe just typing this out and being heard will make me feel even slightly better? Like a diary entry.

There's more to the morbs in my life but for now I leave it as this. It's 7am, I am in bed and have dried silicone in my hair and under my nailes, and I have work today. Who knows, maybe it'll all blow over like it never happenned like the bipolar way things go in my family sometimes. Maybe I'll get out of work and my folks will be happily dancing in the livingroom to sugar pie honeybunch like teenagers in love and I will be the only one stressed about it.

Don't take this post at face value. This is only my side. The human brain is flawed and the human ego will remake memories to protect itself. I normally turn to siblings who where there at the time to tell me if what I think happenned really happenned that way.... but I've also been informed that my siblings don't want to deal with me, and don't have the balls to call me out on my bullshit so will tell me whatever I want to hear, so really... I don't even trust that my recount of events even happenned that way.

Maybe I'll continue the story in another post?

And now

I go to bed. Goodnight. I am a tired bitch. I probably only just need 5 minutes to fall asleep.

P.s. I'm sorry if you read all that. It's a bummer. I know. I'll hide it under a read more when I'm on pc.

[404gendernotfound]

At least I’m your idiot (Katsuki Bakugou x reader)

Summary: You wake up in Bakugous bed after you had thrown a party with everyone at the UA dorms. You don’t remember how you got there and what happened, so you decide to just quietly leave when he caught you sneaking out. What happened after that was something you never imagined possible.

Contains: fluff, slightly suggestive

Warnings: none

Wordcount: 2,6 K

Enjoy!

________________________________________________________________

I couldn’t remember the last time my head hurt like this. I drank way too much at the little party we had yesterday at the UA dorms even though I knew very well that me and alcohol definitely don’t work great together. But somehow the whole day had made me feel some type of way where I just needed to escape into the depts of a lake filled with alcohol. The first few shots went very well but after that I just couldn’t remember anything. Since I felt like my head was about to explode, I opened my eyes and sat up on the bed. Weird. I didn’t remember my room looking like that. It might have been because I was still sleepy that it took me a while to realize that I actually wasn’t in my room. As the realization hit me, I looked around until I spotted the person next to me on the bed. To my surprise it was non other than Bakugou Katsuki who was still sleeping peacefully right next to me. Starting to slightly panic I looked down at myself to see that I was fully closed. Thank god. At least I didn’t do something stupid in my drunken state. Maybe the others had already left as he took me to his room. There was no other explanation why he would have brought me here. Still being confused about why I was here I slipped out of the bed making sure that I wouldn’t wake Bakugou. I really didn’t want to be confronted with Mr. I-get-angry-at-you-for-no-reason first thing in the morning so I tried to get out of his room as quiet as possible.

“Where do you think you’re going, idiot?!”, he growled in his usual angry tone.

I turned around guilty of being caught trying to sneak out of his room. He was now laying on his stomach, his head resting on his arms as he looked at me. I was planning on just leaving unnoticed but now there was no way to do that anymore. I couldn’t just tell him that I was going back to my room because I was sure he was going to get angry at me for just running away from this situation. But I didn’t really know what to do either so I just came up with the first excuse that came to my mind.

“Umm…I was just going to the bathroom”, I said slightly stuttering.

He looked at me as if he didn’t believe a word I said. I wouldn’t believe myself in this situation either, since it looked really obvious that I was just trying to escape a conversation. Since there was no turning back now I just had to go with my lie. Maybe washing my face would actually help me to think a little bit clearer.

“Alright”, he said, his voice still sounding angry.

I hesitantly grabbed the door handle and opened the door.

“You better be coming back”, I heard Bakugou shout after me as I left his room.

I walked towards the bathroom and sighed loud as soon as I was inside. I didn’t know what to expect when I return to his room and I honestly was kind of scared to hear what he had to say. Since there was no sight of my memory returning even after washing my face with ice cold water, I just stood in front of the mirror looking at the person in the mirror. I looked just as exhausted as I felt with messy hair and dark bags under my eyes. I redid my ponytail to look at least a little bit better and decided then and there that I would never drink as much as yesterday. Who knows what other dumb shit I did last night that I didn’t know of. I must have been really lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even noticed someone else entering the bathroom to go to the toilet until I heard flushing in one of the stalls. I turned towards the sound just to see a sleepy Kirishima walking towards me with a little smile on his face.

“Oh hey there Y/n”, Kirishima said as he washed his hands in the sink right next to me.

“Morning Kiri”, I said slightly smiling back at him.

I wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t asked me why I was here. Since I hung out a lot of times with the Bakusquad and we mostly spend our time on this floor it wasn’t weird that a girl would be in the boys shared bathroom. He must have noticed that I looked exhausted since he walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Are you ok?”, he asked.

Was I ok? Other than the headache and slight fear of what I would be confronted with when I got back to Bakugou I felt ok.

“Tough night, huh?”, he added with a slight smile on his face.

“I’m fine. I guess I just drank too much. I should head back before a certain someone blows up. Literally”, I said which made Kiri laugh.

“Oh! So you spend the night at Bakus room?”, he grinned.

“Shut up! My brain is hurting. I can’t handle your teasing this early in the morning”, I said laughing and playfully hit his shoulder before we left the bathroom together.

As I stopped in front of Bakus room I watched Kiri wink at me before he entered his own room. That didn’t really make me feel less nervous but at least it distracted me a little bit. I opened the door and slowly entered the room. Baku had moved from laying on the bed to sitting with his back against the wall and the blanket covering only half of his naked upper body. I had to slightly smile at his also still sleepy state. It was a rare sight to see Baku like this and I wasn’t complaining about the sight in front of me. I walked towards him and sat down.

“So you did come back. I was sure you would just bail on me”, he said in a more friendly tone than before.

“Well…you caught me red handed”, I admitted laughing and awkwardly scratching my neck.

Baku looked shocked at me. He probably didn’t expect me to be this honest.

“So are we gonna talk about what happened?”, he asked.

“To be honest…I don’t remember”, I mumbled.

It was quiet for some time before I turned my head towards him. I wasn’t quite sure what emotion the expression on his face portrayed exactly but he somehow looked disappointed.

“So that’s how it is”, Baku said and looked at me again.

“You’re just gonna pretend that nothing happened between us?”, he added.

So something did happen between us. I just hoped that I didn’t drunkenly confessed to him that I’ve liked him ever since I joined class 1a. I turned my whole body towards him and tried to find the words I needed for him to understand that I wasn’t trying to avoid the subject but I genuinely didn’t remember.

“No. I just…I wish I could remember what happened. But I really can’t. The last thing that I remember is us sitting at the table with the others and taking the first few shots. I swear”, I explained trying my best not to sound like I was about to cry from frustration.

Baku ran his hands through his hair and groaned.

“You really don’t remember?”, he asked again and I nodded.

The way he looked at me now was different than before. He didn’t look as disappointed anymore and for the first time I actually thought I was seeing the soft side of Baku.

“Dumbass”, he mumbled under his breath as he pulled me against his chest with a light chuckle.

My head rested on his chest and I could hear his heart almost hammer against his ribcage. My cheeks flushed and I looked up at him confused. Why would his heart race like that?

“Do you hear that? That’s how I feel about you, idiot”, he said and rolled his eyes as I opened my mouth wanting to say something but I wasn’t able to form any words.

“And you would already know that if you dumbass didn’t get that drunk last night.”, he added and playfully ruffled my hair, making it a mess again.

Did he just say in a very Bakugou way that he liked me back? As Baku noticed that I looked a bit lost he leaned down to my ear.

“Let me show you what you missed last night”, he whispered and lifted me onto his lap before resting his hands on my hips.

I was still a little confused and shocked about his confession as the heat rushed into my cheeks from realizing in what kind of position he had moved me. Was I really that bold last night to just climb onto his lap? Baku noticed my flustered state and softly smiled.

“Close your eyes”, he whispered in the softest voice I’ve ever heard from him.

“Why?”

“Do you trust me?”, he asked and I nodded.

“Then close your eyes”

I obeyed his wish and slowly closed my eyes. My heart was racing like crazy at this point and I was sure he was able to hear it hammer against my chest. One of his hands moved from my hips to cup my cheek and softly caressed it. Just as I was about to melt into his touch I felt his lips softly graze mine before he connected them in a soft and gentle kiss. After quickly processing what was happening right now I shyly kissed him back and moved my arms to his shoulders to keep myself steady while melting into the kiss. As Baku detached his lips from mine and saw my burning red cheeks he smiled.

“Didn’t expect that, right idiot?”, he asked, stating it more as a fact than an answer.

He was right. I expected everything but not him being this gentle and caring with me. I knew that most of his angry attitude was just an image he kept up in front of everyone that knew him but that façade and the wall he had build around his emotions sometimes crumbled a little bit while being around his close friends. But I still couldn’t get used to a not so angry Bakugou. I leaned my forehead against his and sighed. Him calling me a dumbass or and idiot was nothing knew and I was already really used to it but it somehow sounded different now.

“At least I’m your idiot”, I whispered and watched Bakugou blush as he heard my words.

I’ve never seen him blush in the context of being flustered and not getting red from anger and I was really enjoying the view in front of me.

“Say that again”, he demanded with bright red cheeks.

I had to smile at his request. My heart was happily jumping around in my chest while I moved my face closer to his so my lips were slightly grazing his while speaking.

“I said, at least I’m YOUR idiot”, I repeated and noticed his grip on my hips tighten.

“God”, he groaned and connected our lips again.

This time, the kiss was a little bit rougher and hungrier than before. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him even closer to me. Goosebumps started to build all over my body as a quiet moan slipped from Bakus lips as I accidently grinded on him trying to reduce the space between our bodies. He parted from the kiss slightly panting and grinned.

“Even though I wanted to scold you for getting that drunk last night I really can’t be angry at you at all. If you dumbass hadn’t drunkenly clung onto me and whined that…and I quote “Katsuki will never like me back” then I would have never kissed you yesterday. So I really have to thank drunk you”, he explained and actually genuinly smiled at me.

I’ve never really seen Bakugou smile as bright as that. I moved my hands from his neck to his face to cup his cheeks.

“What are you staring at?”, he asked.

“I’ve never seen you smile like that. It looks beautiful”, I admitted and he closed his eyes sighing before he opened them again and purposely tightened the grip on my hips making me whimper.

“Don’t overdo it with the compliments, teddybear”, he whispered and my cheeks started to burn.

I’ve never heard him call me such a nickname other than idiot and dumbass, so hearing him call me teddybear made my heart race even more. He smirked at my reaction and softly let his finger run over my neck, intensifying the goosebumps all over my body.

“You like it when I call you that, don’t you…teddybear?”, he whispered right into my ear and I had to actively stop my body from shivering at his words.

He still must have noticed my reaction since he deeply chuckled and then softly kissed my neck. Another whimper accidently escaped my mouth, this time louder and he instantly stopped. My heart was almost beating out of my chest as he looked at my burning red cheeks.

“You can’t just let such a lewd sound escape those beautiful lips, teddybear”, he whispered against my lips and smirked.

“I can’t help it. You’re touch and kisses just feel way too good to be true, Katsuki”, I admitted and purposefully added his name to see if he was ok with me calling him by his name.

We usually didn’t call him that since Baku rolled off the tongue better, so he didn’t hear it that often. I watched his eyes widen and he grabbed one of my hands and placed it on his heart.

“You’re gonna give me a heart attack”, he said as I felt his heart literally hammer against his chest.

Just the thought of me making him react like that was boosting my self-esteem and confidence a lot. I leaned forward to kiss his nose.

“I won’t let that happen. I can’t lose you”, I whispered and quickly got pulled into a hug.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere”, he mumbled against my neck before squeezing me tight.

I smiled at him as I moved back out of the hug. The look on his face was soft, still with a slight tint of pink on his cheeks and his mouth formed into a little smile. Seeing him like this was so new but I could really get used to this side of him. He slowly grabbed my hands with his and intertwined our fingers before leaning his forehead against mine.

“You know I’m not good with feelings and expressing myself, but I will try to show you as best as I can what you mean to me. So please…will you be mine?”, he asked with such honesty in his voice that my heart stopped for a second.

“I’m already yours, Katsuki”, I whispered and placed another kiss on his soft lips.

[clowngremlin]

i had a crying fit because my dad and brother were arguing but my brother kept telling me i needed to get a job AND go to school for these two semesters because im moving out of my dad’s house in the spring and i lost my student loan for a few semesters because i failed my classes due to being mentally ill, (moving out is being forced upon me, its not truly my choice and its making me lose my mind from anxiety.....just one of the many things causing me to have panic attacks lol) and i keep trying to explain to him that im applying for disability assistance because my therapist thinks i’d qualify because i have such debilitating anxiety i have panic attacks almost every day (i have had a lot less since being put on the new medication when i went to the hospital, so i dont get them every day but i get them often enough) and sometimes cant even go outside because im too scared/anxious, and then my dad tried to tell my older brother that i CANT work and get disability payments at the same time, and it made them argue even more and i got so overwhelmed that i started crying.....my brother just wanted to rag on the government for not helping disabled people, i dont think he really cared if i was going to be poor or not, and he seems to romanticize being poor and working class and keeps telling me i have to work AND go to school, even though i cant do that because it causes me so much stress and anxiety that i end up doing poorly at school and i cant afford to do poorly at school anymore!!!!! like i fucked up my grades so bad at the last school i went to and i need to do better at school to get my student loan back!!!!! and my dad was frustrated with me because i dont have a lot of life skills and because im mentally ill, but i’ve been doing a lot better with my mental health since being put on seroquel, but i do get anxious about starting tasks and so i put them off because idk how to start and i get overwhelmed, but my therapist gave me coping skills for when i get overwhelmed by trying to start a task and its to do the task in small chunks and eventually i will have it all done!! i also told my dad that i find it helpful if he gives me a time frame to do the tasks in, like yesterday i had to phone the doctor to make an appointment, and he told me to do it before he got back from walking the dog and so i did it, and so idk having a specific time frame to do something in helps me get started.....idk where im going with this, im just kind of stressed out and overwhelmed rn and my family doesnt really seem to care lol.....im almost 24, like next month i’ll be 24 and i feel like such a fuck up because i have problems doing every day tasks and managing my money (i am doing better at that though! i am trying really hard to budget and show my dad that i can manage my money by myself!!) and idk how to cook things like meat unless its in a stir fry or like ground beef in a pan for spaghetti sauce, and that sometimes i get so anxious i cant even go outside because im so scared of getting the coronavirus..... i am trying to be better though, but no one in my family seems to acknowledge it, like i basically am recovering from anorexia with minimal support because i can only afford to see my therapist once every month and a half, i also weight restored myself because i used to be dangerously underweight from the anorexia, the coronavirus situation is hard for EVERYONE too, like everyone is having a hard time coping with it and i have predisposition  to having severe anxiety and panic attacks, and i wasnt even on the proper meds for my bipolar disorder until last month, like i was only on a low dose of an antipsychotic and like prozac, and i was literally just put on a mood stabilizer in december after i had a psychotic episode and had to go to the hospital, but i have found the new medication to be really helpful, im doing a lot better with my depression since being on it, and im not having psychotic symptoms anymore, and its even helping with my anxiety, but today i got overwhelmed because my dad and my brother were like yelling at each other in front of me while my brother tried to be incredibly negative and berate me under the guise of “looking out for me” and then my dad got mad at me because he was mad at my brother and so i started crying, but my dad stopped yelling at me and we talked about it in a constructive way and came up with ideas on how to help me do better and get some skills, and then i went and did some things for starting classes tomorrow which was really good and made me feel better because i was doing something productive and a task i needed to do (putting all the important upcoming dates and assignment due dates from the course outline for my forensic anthropology class in my little planner!!) and then i had a snack and talked to one of my friends, and now i guess im just writing this to get it off my chest because i just needed to vent but i didnt want to like vent to anyone in particular or in the vent channel in the server i mode for so im just making this post and i dont really expect anyone to read it but i just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head to feel better!!!  

[ifeellikeameowster]

E.V.O.L Chapter 3- Living Dead

Chapter Summary: After a bit of a rough morning, Virgil decides to visit the grave of his long dead best friend... Meanwhile, Patton has finally graduated and is ready to take on his first assignment as a newly appointed cupid!

Warnings: Beginnings of Yandere like behavior, stalking, watching other’s without them knowing, wounds, stabbing, blood.

Pairings: One-sided moxiety.

Word Count: 4k+

Chapter followed by Author’s Note then Tag List under the read more:

Everyday I feel the same.

Stuck, and I can never change.

Sucked into a black balloon.

Spat into an empty room.

The next day Virgil found himself waking before even the roosters themselves would have crowed.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes and cursing his wishy washy biological clock, he wondered if it was too early to grab a bite of breakfast. He had missed dinner the previous day, after all, having been too tired from being forced to socialize for so long with someone so new. His parents would probably understand if they caught him. They always did.

He shrugged and slung one of his lighter weighted blankets over his shoulders before taking a few shaky steps away from his bed. His legs felt like jello, making it tempting to just go back to the safety of his little nest and spend all day inside of his room. But the obnoxious rumbling of his ungrateful stomach made that nearly impossible. So to the kitchen it was instead.

Virge tried his best not to step on any creaky floorboards on his way out of his room and down the stairs. If his parents weren’t already awake, then he certainly didn’t want to be the loud, fumbling asshole that actually woke them up. Heaven knows they deserved all the rest they could get. They did so much for him. And for the whole neighborhood, for that matter.

Wonder if there’s any of those blueberry bagels left. He pondered as he descended the final step.

He went past the living room and into the kitchen, where upon after he entered, Virgil was immediately met with his answer.

“You’re up early, V.” Talyn said around a mouthful of their buttery bagel, “Can’t sleep?”

“More like slept too much.” Virgil corrected as he joined them at the breakfast bar.

Talyn was a Banshee, a wailing ghost that had the ability to warn others of approaching death.Though, they usually used their glorious screeching voice for the screamo parts of their band’s songs instead. Once in a blue moon however, especially back when Virgil had done something particularly rebellious when he was a teenager, he had had the pleasure of witnessing firsthand the more negative side to their voice. Between his maddy’s booming voice and the sad puppy dog eyes his pops had sent his way-it was easy to see why his version of a ‘rebellious phase’ had been cut short. 

“I’d chastise you for your poor sleeping habits but I’m honestly not one to speak myself.”

“You’re a ghost, you don’t even need to sleep.”

“And yet here we are.” They waved the hand holding the bagel, sending some crumbs flying, “With me taking afternoon naps and staying up all night like a heathen.”

“God, same.”

“We’ve rubbed off on you too much, little one.” Talyn chuckled, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Me and Joan. Why don’t you take after your papa more too?”

“Pops is too sunshiney for me, maddy. I’m half convinced he’s made of literal sunbeams at this point.” Virgil sneered out with a fond undertone as he gently lathered butter on his own bagel, “I’m more of a punk moonchild, ya’ know?”

Maddy was the affectionate nickname he had given Talyn as a kid. He was pleased to later find out that, unlike with dammy, other kids sometimes used maddy for their nonbinary parents too.

His maddy chuckled at that, patted his shoulder, then returned to devouring their own breakfast. They both sat in a comfortable, companionable silence for a while as they finished up their food and took in the morning sights through the wide kitchen window. Then as the birds started up their autumn songs and the sun started it’s slow trek over the horizon, they both got up to put away their trash and tidy their mess. As he was putting his blanket over the couch for later cuddling-while-watching-tv purposes, Virgil’s eyes unfortunately happened to land on the calendar hanging next to the entryway. The sight of a certain circled reminder of a date he had been trying to forget caused a past pain to resurface just as hot and stabbing as the first time it had ever appeared in his heart.

He reentered the kitchen with a familiar, haunting grimace. Talyn sent him a fleeting confused look before it morphed into one of understanding instead.

“It’s next week, isn’t it?” They breathed softly, “The anniversary.” Their tone held an unnecessary weight of guilt. For even though they were a Banshee, they had not been able to foresee that death. The most important one. The one that had hurt their child so much at such a young age.

“Yeah,” Virgil choked out, tears threatening to brim his eyes, “If...I’m being honest...I’m not sure if I can make it, this year.”

“Well maybe…” They bit their lip and shifted on their feet nervously, “Maybe you can just go now? It might be less pressure, if it’s not the day of.”

“I-I don’t know, maddy. I’m still kind of worn out from yesterday.”

“Ah, the matchmaker meeting. I almost forgot about that.” Talyn moved to lean back on the counter, “How did that go?”

Virge sucked in a breath, blinked away the wetness of his eyes, and thanked whatever higher power may be for the change of topic. “Terrible, I hate socializing. Also it felt like I was being hounded by a teacher with how many questions I was being asked.”

“He needs to ask questions, dear. How else would he know what you like?” They sent him a sympathetic smile that didn’t quite meet their eyes. The mood of the room was still soured by the date hanging ominously on the wall. Taunting them both with it’s ever approaching red circle.

“What I would like is to not have to go to these meetings at all.” Virgil whined. He hopped up to sit cross legged on the countertop beside his maddy. “Why’d you and dammy even talk to him anyways? I thought pops was just going through one of his romance craze phases again, but…”

“But, we all agreed it’s what’s best for you. It’s not healthy to only ever hang out with your family. You need to spread your wings, sweet little baby boy.”

“Ew, baby talk.” Virgil mimed throwing up before crossing his arms and pouting. “Why’s it gotta be some stupid dramatically set up romcom though? Can’t I just go to an online group chat for depressed-emos-anonymous or something?”

Talyn did a laugh somewhere between a giggle and a chortle at that. They playfully swiped at his shoulder. “No, you idiot. Just listen to your parents, okay? It’s time. Way past time, actually…”

“Time to what? Get some?”

“Find someone to love. Someone to...give your feelings too.”

“I give mushy lovey dovey stuff to y’all all the time!”

“Not like that, V. To…” They tapped a frustrated rhythm onto the countertop with their long, pointed nails. “To obsess over. To be attracted to and fawn over. Stuff like that.”

“To bone.”

“Virgil!”

“What? That’s the only difference, ain’t it?” He sighed as he leaned over to place his head on their shoulder. “Why can’t platonic love be enough? I've been doing just fine with just that…”

“Honey…” They let out a sigh of their own before running a reassuring hand through his hair. “That may have been enough until now, but trust me you need this.” The soothing touch of their petting almost calmed  him, until- “We need this.” They ended in a strained whisper, yet unfortunately still loud enough for him to hear.

Virgil jolted away from Talyn and off the counter as if he’d been burned. “What? You’re...You’re all trying to pawn me off or something? Finally tired of me being a fucking mooch?”

“No, no- Little one, that’s not what I-”

“Well if I’m such a leech, maybe I will go hang out in the graveyard with the rest of the rotten worms.”

The tears that had pricked at his eyes earlier decided to return, yet once more he held back the flow of the damn. His eyes reddened with the strain of the repression. Still, he refused to cry around others. Weakness was an ugly shade of color to wear. He wanted to toss out all of his flaws from the closet of his inner self and go shopping for better traits. But maybe, he couldn’t help but think...he was the one that needed to be tossed out right along with them.

Got bubble wrap around my heart.

Waiting for my life to start.

But everyday it never comes.

Permanently at square one.

“Tell the others I’ll be at the church.” He snapped instead as he rounded the corner and stomped up the stairs. He no longer cared if he woke anyone else up. His body was brimming with aggravated energy and his mind was swirling with all the possible negative implications of those few simple whispered words.

The day had barely begun and he already had a massive headache.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After having haphazardly thrown on the nearest clean clothes he could find and all but running out of his house and into the nearly empty street, save for a lone old maid that was bird watching on a nearby bench, he began to make his way over to the cemetery.

On his way there he stopped by Fauna's Florals to pick up a small bouquet of soft and pale yellow roses, the flower of friendship, because that's what he had been to him- the truest friend he would probably ever have. Besides his family, of course, though they were kind of obligated to hang out with him. And he was beginning to wonder if even that reliable, familial obligation had started outstaying it’s welcome.

Miss Fauna, having noticed his red rimmed eyes, had given him a sympathetic smile and a pat on his hand as she handed over the bouquet. He shied away from the unwanted contact and thanked her in a small voice. It was the loudest one he could muster at the time.

When it's late at night-ight,

I'm so dissatisfied-ied.

The weight of an empty life-ife,

Will lessen in the moonlight.

In the light,

In the light,-light,-light.

Shooting Star Cemetery was luckily located in the next street over, making it an easy and short walk. Yet not nearly a long enough a walk to clear his head any from the raging storm it currently housed inside. The graves were all well kept and neatly aligned. The landscaping was done with care and sheer professionalism. The overall atmosphere was more bright and welcoming than one would expect a place housing the dead could ever be.

Virgil moved past the groundskeeper with quick steps, not wanting to have to engage in any conversation with the man whose smile always seemed to stretch too far over his face and whose eyes appeared to linger on his form for too long. Especially not today of all days. He thought as the conversation from earlier resurfaced in his mind. Fresh and unwanted.

His feet took him to his destination almost on autopilot. He had been visiting this particular grave at least once a year for almost seventeen years now. Of course it would be practically hardwired into his system at this point.

“Hey, buddy.” He called out wearily as he approached. Virge leaned over to place the bouquet of yellow roses directly in front of the ivory gravestone before stepping back to sit on the grass across from it.

The stone was the lightest of the ones in its row, almost basking it in an ethereal spotlight. The carvings of angels, ribbons, and roses around it’s surface only accentuated the holy glow. In the dead center, carved in looping and elegant cursive writing, was the epitaph.

It read,

“Patton Sangster:

A young Cherub bright and fair,

Taken from this world too soon.

Now he is way up there,

Dancing between the Sun and the Moon.”

Definitely more fancy and vague than most of the epitaphs around here. Virgil mused, Then again Mrs. Songster was always the poetic dreamer type.

While on the other hand, if he had a gravestone, it would probably say something like "Here lies Virgil Spurling: What an idiot" or "Virgil Spurling: Died of Depression and General Dumbassery".

He let out a long sigh and curled his legs underneath him while crossing his arms. “You wouldn’t believe the week I’ve had, Pat.” He began, “I think my parents have lost their ever loving marbles. Don’t get me wrong or anything- I love them a bunch. But I just don’t...I just don’t get why they’re doing this, ya’ know?”

“They’re insisting I see this stupid matchmaking witch doctor guy, who probably thinks I’m a loser by the way-he seemed kinda stuck up and I kept making a fool of myself as per usual. And like they want me to get hitched to some dude ASAP I guess so I can ‘spread my wings’? Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean?”

He started waving his arms around to accentuate his ranting, ”But a part of me can’t help but think they’re just trying to get rid of me. Just pawn me off to a random guy so I can be out of their hair! But they...They’ve never said or done anything like that before...They’ve always been so nice to me and so supportive and so loving so I just don’t…”

Now, in the sanctum of this empty cemetery and the equally emptily promised presence of his only friend, he finally let the tears fall quietly and slowly down his ever reddening cheeks. “I just don’t get it anymore, Patton. Nothing makes sense. It hasn’t for a long time now. Ever since...ever since high school, really. And I just…”

“I just wish you were still here.” He hissed into the morning air as he closed his eyes and let his eyes finish emptying themselves so he could hopefully return home with them dry and pretend that they had never been crying in the first place.

From several yards away the groundskeeper stole glances at the strange visitor as he worked his usual surveyal of the grounds. However, his gleaming, unwelcome eyes were not the only pair that happened to be following Virgil that day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton Sangster, newly appointed cupid under Eros, had just finished the last of his angelic training and was lined up with the rest of the lucky graduates about to receive their first heavenly assignments.

Finally! He cheered in his head. A chance to prove that all of his training wasn't for nothing. He may be light hearted, but he certainly wouldn't take his heavenly duties lightly. He would prove without a doubt that being soft hearted didn’t mean he was weak. Far from it in fact. He considered the overflowing love he had in his heart to be his greatest and most cherished source of strength.

Little did the little cupid know just yet, but that unbridled and passionate love of others would soon be his very downfall.

I'm living dead, dead, dead, dead.

Only alive-live-live-live.

When I pretend-tend-tend-tend.

That I have died, died, died, died, died, died.

An elder, more experienced cupid passed back and forth in front of the recruits with a golden clipboard they had summoned. Odiel, patron cupid of dark love ballads, was surprisingly the one giving the assignments to the newbies this year. He listed off each angel and their assignment with a resigned sigh and dramatic flip of the page. He went through many graduates before finally getting to Patton, which had caused the poor angel to bounce nervously on his feet.

"Patton Sangster?"

"Yes, that's me!" He nodded eagerly with a dazzling grin.

"Hm." His superior clicked his tongue before looking at his clipboard. "No official angel name given yet. No patron title earned yet."

Patton's eager expression flickered, a brief frown gracing his features before they turned back into his patton-ted steadfast smile.

"We'll just assign you to your old hometown during life, then. And see where it goes from there."

Patton gasped, bringing his hands up to cup his face. "Heartwish City?!"

Odiel pauses for a moment to check another page on their clipboard. "...Yes."

"Yay! Oh, I can't wait to see everyone again! And help them out!"

"Mhmm. Well, you will have to wait a bit more. There's still orientation to get through."

"Oh, of course." His smile turns more nervous, "Yes, sir."

And with that, the rest of the graduates were assigned before they all headed over to the orientation stadium.

The clouds are thicker and fluffier around the stadium, which is covered in red, pink, and white decorations and gold trimmings. Eros himself stands on a stage floating gently above them. Some of his more well known cupids fly  beside him and his effervescent presence. They give the awaiting crowd reminders of what-to-do's and what-not-to-do's before Eros finally speaks.

"Today is the day you truly become cupids. Go forth and spread love, devotion and admiration wherever you may fly to. Prove your loyalty both to me and to my almighty mother Aphrodite. Be the best angel you can be." He intones in a booming voice accompanied by grand hand gestures. He then bows his head toward the crowd of new cupids in respect and waves them off, officially dismissing them to their new posts.

Patton, having been absolutely jittery with excitement throughout the whole orientation, immediately flaps his small, pink and blue hummingbird like wings and takes off into the early morning sky.

His flight time is shortened by both his familiarity with the destination and his newly appointed status. So much so that to any outside spectator, he would have arrived there in the bat of an eyelash.

As he glided over his old town, he spotted several people he once new. Miss Fauna was putting up a new display in front of her flower shop. Tia and Ana were putting up an ad for their speciality tea of the day. Dr Picani was leaving the Blue Fairy Therapy building while glancing at his watch. And many, many more lovely and well missed faces.

But the one he had missed most of all was currently over at the Shooting Star Cemetery, sitting criss-crossed applesauce right in front of his grave.

Sure, he hadn't seen them in over seventeen years, not since their childhood together. But he would be able to recognize that pale face and protective spirit anywhere! This was his best friend we were talking about, after all. And Patton never took his friendships lightly. So he did a spiraling turn in the air to change directions for this newfound destination. He could worry about his other duties later, he had a dear friend to visit!

He hovered over the cemetery like an excited bee hovering over a group of flowers, staying close to the sparse clouds strewn about the glorious sunrise. Not only had Virgil grown up healthily, but he had even remembered him! And was currently paying respects to his grave, apparently. He leaned forward and focused his hearing on the sounds happening down below him.

"You wouldn't believe the week I've had, Pat." Oh dear, what could have happened? Is whatever it was the reason he was visiting? "I think my parents have lost their ever loving marbles. Don’t get me wrong or anything- I love them a bunch. But I just don’t...I just don’t get why they’re doing this, ya’ know?”

What could they have possibly done? Patton remembered Virgil's parents, three queer platonic partners who had always adored their son. They were loved by the whole neighborhood and Patton himself had also enjoyed their company whenever he had visited Virgil's house for playdates and sleepovers. He couldn't imagine them ever doing anything to harm their beloved child! But, if they had hurt Virgil somehow…

“They’re insisting I see this stupid matchmaking witch doctor guy," Ohhh! A matchmaker, huh? Virgie really had grown up! It seemed like just yesterday the two of them were talking about the other boys possibly having cooties during recess. "Who probably thinks I’m a loser by the way-he seemed kinda stuck up and I kept making a fool of myself as per usual." Well that didn't seem very nice of whoever this matchmaker fellow was. Patton would never think of his assignments as losers...everyone was equally deserving of love after all!

"And like they want me to get hitched to some dude ASAP I guess so I can ‘spread my wings’? Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean?” Wait just a minute...Matchmaker...Wings...Patton was a cupid now! Duh. The solution was obvious!

Patton puffed up his chest and fluttered his wings excitedly. He could be Virgil's new, better matchmaker. And nothing would make Pat more happy than having his childhood friend being his first assignment as an official cupid. It was all falling into place so well, almost like destiny! But Virgil was talking again now, so Patton tuned back in.

”But a part of me can’t help but think they’re just trying to get rid of me. Just pawn me off to a random guy so I can be out of their hair! But they...They’ve never said or done anything like that before...They’ve always been so nice to me and so supportive and so loving so I just don’t…”

Ahhh, this was all Virgie's anxiety getting to him again. He had always been a worrywart, even back when they were kids. He guessed some things never changed, not even when it had been so many years. Back then, Patton had always tried to ease his worries and be the most supportive friend he could be. But even at his best and most empathetic, he had been far too young to quite comprehend the full depths of Virgil's emotions.

He looked back at Virgil only to find tears running down his cheeks now, marring his dark eyeshadow. Oh dear sweet Aphrodite- he was crying! “I just don’t get it anymore, Patton. Nothing makes sense. It hasn’t for a long time now. Ever since...ever since high school, really. And I just…”

Highschool? What had happened in high school? Did someone hurt his dearest friend while he wasn't there to protect him? Patton leaned even more forward and gripped the clouds nervously.

“I just wish you were still here.”

Patton froze. Only holy magic and his grip on the clouds keeping him in the air.

I lay back in a glittering mist,

And I, I think of all the men I, I could have kissed.

I haven't lived my life, I haven't lived love,

It's just a bird's eye view from, from up above.

A part of him wished he was still there too. And that same part of him wished he had been there beside Virgil through it all. Had been there in highschool to prevent whatever it was that had hurt his Virgie. Had been there to tell that rude matchmaker off for him. Had been there to give him a lesson in proper etiquette and respect towards his clients. Had been there to help his parents find a better matchmaker. And even to help Virgil pick only the best partner for a great guy like him.

He released a breath he didn't even know he was holding in the first place. But he was here now! And he could help him now!

Now filled to the brim with determination- He hurriedly fumbled to summon his bow and quiver, which he had been storing in his Grace, and pulled out a red romantic arrow from the bag. In his haste, however, he had nicked the side of his arm with the tip of it. He paused to look at the offending wound, wondering if a nick was considered the same thing as a pierce. It wasn't, right? He didn't remember them saying anything about scratches while in the heavenly academy. Oh well, it was probably nothing to worry about! It hadn't come anywhere near his heart, after all.

Besides, Patton had much more pressing matters to attend to. And a heart that needed a connection only he could create was waiting for him. A connection that would transcend the very heavens themselves! Pat would definitely find Virgil a beloved partner that could kiss his many worries away. Many, many kisses. Kisses for that kissable mouth...and soothing voice...and soft looking cheeks…and pale, elegant hands...

Patton shook his head furiously to rid himself of those lucrative thoughts. Sure, Virgil had grown up handsomely, yeah. But this was Patton's best friend he was talking about! How could he be thinking such scandalous and traitorous things? Besides, he had chosen Virgil for his very first assignment. He had to be more professional than that! He had to prove himself a worthy cupid both to Eros himself and to his fellow angels.

He moved to expertly draw his bow, with the same arrow that had previously drawn his blood, poised in the direction of the huddled figure below him. Just as he was about to finally fire, however…He heard it.

"Patton." Just a whisper. A whimper through tears. Just a mumble amidst other unintelligible cries of sorrow.

And yet it felt like a shout. A cry for help. A plea for him. It rang through Patton's ears with the force of a hurricane and knocked him off of his balance.

The arrow cracked and twisted off it's place on the bow and turned to stab through his heart.

He choked on the blood that had bubbled up into his throat and desperately pawed at the arrow lodged accidentally into his most valuable organ.

The words of one of his superior angels and teacher, Balladeil, flared up into his mind. A cupid was not meant to take a cupid's arrow. A cupid's arrow was not made to be used on a cupid.

"Oh Eros!" He cried "Oh no!"

He grabbed at the arrow and started yanking on it. Trying to pull it out of his chest. But it was being stubborn, latching onto his Grace and using that to keep ahold of him. More blood gushed from the wound only to be consumed by his Grace as it tried to heal him from the intrusion. Tears started pouring from Patton's eyes to match Virgil's.

Then, before he knew it, the arrow had melted into his heart and merged into his Grace. And the connection had been completed.

Patton stared dumbfoundedly at the clean space where it used to be for several solid minutes. The wounds were completely healed now and the blood was all gone. It was too late. He had been too late. He had failed.

He took a shaky breath and moved to collect his bow and quiver.

He stored them carefully back into his Grace.

He looked back down at Virgil, who was getting up from the ground now.

He flew slowly over the graveyard as Virgil walked hurriedly past the leering groundskeeper.

He followed Virgil silently all the way back to his home, often passing by a strange crow that happened to be on the same flight path as him.

He watched over Virgil for the rest of the day and way on into that night.

Did I really deserve it?

It happens when you're hurting.

And cut me at the surface,

Of my heart.

Of my heart-heart-heart.

A/N: Patton, you darling idiot. You would have been fine if you weren’t so clumsy. X3 Anyways, hope y’all enjoyed! The next fic I’ll post will be that Creativitwins one shot I mentioned earlier. And then it’ll be right back into the E.V.O.L au! ;3

Tag List:

@accidental-sanders 

@ren-allen

@noneed4thistbh

@virgil-the-void-kitten

@totalwhovian

@bandgeek82002-love

@allycat31415

@notalwaysthevillian

@cloudchaser7

@iamredxd

@lacrimosathedark

@idon-kno

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@rebelrewriter

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@simreaper98

@adroolingmaw

@corrupt-ink-denials

@all-of-them-sanders

@6-daughter-of-a-witch-6

@angelicakaiba

@blobdad

@bi-sappy

@clara-oswald-333

@friendly-neighborhood-murderer

@randomcrew

@demon-of-sparkles

@transdimentionalapocolypse

@maybe-one-day-i-will-be-okay

@dxlphmax

@aikitty

@comicsimpson

@agatheringofbees

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@babybunnyquake

@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes

@screechingflapbiscuitpeach

@hunter-shyreen

@randomfactscenteral

@charlineedstea

@bee-a-queen

@thatonepersonwhoshippeople

@virgil-is-baby-boi

@chocococo16

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@forbiddensender

@tinylightthingtrash

@andreaissy

@girl-from-pluto

@loveyousweets

@im-a-space-gay

@kai-the-person

[pedal-mail]

A couple people seemed interested so here! Have the first half(ish) of the stuff I’ve written for the sfm/psychonauts crossover so far! It’s not,,,,,great,,,,,,,,I’ve never written Milla or Sasha before (literally finished the game yesterday) but I gave it my best effort! I hope y’all enjoy!

“Hello!”

Kamal jumps and turns to look up at the person standing over him. She’s holding a hand out to him, and she’s got a big grin on her face. Her teeth are beautiful, white and straight. Her hair is pretty too, long and dark. There’s someone standing behind her, but Kamal can’t quite make them out yet.

“H-hi,” he mutters. He takes her hand and shakes it awkwardly.

“My name is Milla,” she says, still grinning at him, “and this is Sasha!”

She steps aside and Kamal can see the person standing behind her. Kamal was expecting someone named “Sasha” to look a little different, but he isn’t one to judge. Sasha has a crew cut and seems to be wearing the officially dictated clothes already. Kamal hasn’t had the chance to change yet, and it looks like Milla hasn’t either.

Sasha gives him a curt nod, but doesn’t say anything. Kamal just nods back.

“What’re… what’re you guys doing here?” He asks. 

Milla looks confused for a moment. “We wanted to say hi!”

“Oh.” Kamal isn’t used to other kids being like this with him. “Well… hi.” He turns away from them, back to the little drawing he’s been working on. It isn’t any good, he’ll have to start over.

“What’re you drawing?” Milla asks, trying to peek over his shoulder. She’s much taller than him, so it isn’t hard. He quickly hides the drawing, and squeezes his eyes shut. 

Kamal’s shield forms around him, and he can’t hear them anymore. He keeps it up for a long time, before letting it down. When he looks around, they’re gone. Well… supposedly. He can see them off in the opposite corner of the dorm, and they’re whispering to each other. He sets the drawing down again, before just setting it on fire with his mind. It’s no good. He’s got to start over.

***

“Alright recruits! Let’s hussle!”

The second day of training is boring, mostly. It’s mental exercises. Kamal’s been doing things like this since he was four, so he aces them all. He’s done in half the time of the others, and they stare at him for a little while. Either in awe or in frustration. He’s excused from the training room, and he goes back to his dorm. He makes a new drawing, an even better one. This one makes him smile, and he gently folds it and puts it in an envelope.

“You did good.”

Kamal jumps and drops the envelope. It slides across the floor, and Sasha picks it up and hands it to him. He takes it gently.

“Th-thanks…” he mutters.

“Have you been training before?” Sasha asks. He comes over and stands beside Kamal, but doesn’t try to look at his sketchbook or anything. He’s just standing there.

“Uh… kinda?” Kamal replies. “No one in my family’s ever been psychic before. Or… at least, not in a really long time. So… so my mom wanted me to train it so I wouldn’t accidentally hurt myself or anything.” He chuckles. “I started with pyrokinesis, so it was a… a pretty founded worry.” 

Sasha looks like he’s trying to fight off a smile. “My father was the same,” he says. “I started with psi blasting. I destroyed many things in the house by accident.”

Kamal chuckles again. “I uh… sorry about spacing on you and that girl yesterday.”

“Spacing?” Sasha asks.

“Oh! Uh… y’know, spacing out of the conversation. Blocking it out? I dunno…” Kamal trails off, and just starts feeling the thin paper of the envelope. 

“It’s alright,” Sasha says. “I know Milla doesn’t blame you. She is a sweet girl.”

Kamal almost teases Sasha about liking her, but he figures he doesn’t know either of them anywhere near well enough to do that. “Um… do you… do you want to come with me to mail this?” He asks instead.

Sasha just sort of shrugs, and then the two of them are walking down the hallways.

Kamal’s got his eyes peeled, and he’s looking around as much as he can. Sasha seems to be completely catotonic, aside from walking. The two of them look odd together, but there’s no one around to see, so it’s okay. They find the main office easily enough, and Kamal carefully steps up to the desk. He’s not quite tall enough to be seen over it.

“Um… excuse me?” He says, his voice barely above a whisper. There’s no response. “Hello?” He says, a little louder this time. Still nothing. “Um…”

Kamal yelps when he’s suddenly lifted off the ground. He turns and sees the girl from yesterday (he feels bad about forgetting her name already) holding a hand out and focusing very hard. She must be lifting him. He can see over the desk now, and there’s an older woman sitting on the other side. “Um… hi!” Kamal says, trying to be louder now.

The woman turns to him, and frowns. “No psychic abilities in the halls,” she says.

“Oh!” The girl says, and she gently lets Kamal down. “Sorry!” 

The older woman looks down over the desk at Kamal. “What’d you need sonny?”

“Can… can you mail this for me?” He asks, holding out the envelope.

The woman shakes her head. “No can do kid. No information is allowed to pass through these walls.

“But!” Kamal yelps. “But I was told I could send my mom letters!”

“Whoever told you that is a liar,” the woman replies.

“It’s not even really a letter! It’s just a drawing!” Kamal pleads.

“I said no,” the woman replies. “Now beat it.”

Kamal doesn’t wait to hear it again. He races down the hallway, back to the dorms. He shuts the door firm behind him and tries to hold it closed. He’s never been strong though, and he doesn’t know telekinesis yet, so when Sasha and the girl try to get in, they can easily. He just sits on the floor and starts crying. Sasha looks incredibly awkward, but the girl sits down beside him, and offers him her sleeve.

“I brought an extra shirt,” she explains. “You can blow your nose on this.” 

Kamal shakes his head. “That’s gross,” he says. The girl just shrugs. “Um… thanks though.”

“Of course,” she says, chipper but still gentle. “Would you like a hug?”

Kamal doesn’t answer verbally. Instead he just leans against her and starts crying harder. She wraps her arms around him and squeezes him gently. Sasha comes to sit on his other side, and pats his back.

And from that moment on, Kamal, Sasha, and Milla are the best of friends.

***

“Happy summer Kamal!” Milla says excitedly, coming up behind him to hug him.

Kamal laughs, and fights the urge to put his shield up. “Happy summer Milla!” He replies. He turns around to give her a proper hug, but she gasps and moves away. “What?”

“What happened to your eye?” She asks. Her fingertips hover over his face, and he quickly shoves them away, afraid of being touched.

“Nothing important,” he replies. “Just a couple mean guys on the last day of school. I almost didn’t get to come this year cuz I had a concussion. But! I pulled through!” He laughs, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Kamal…” Milla looks like she’s about to cry when Sasha comes to Kamal’s rescue.

“Happy summer,” he says. He’s opened up a little, so he actually sounds a little excited this year. He doesn't waste time though. “Kamal, what happened to your eye?”

“It’s just a black eye guys!” Kamal says, trying to brush them off. “Just some guys at my school being jerks!”

Milla and Sasha share a glance, but they don’t say anything else. They leave Kamal alone as he unpacks his bags that evening. They’re whispering the whole night, and it keeps Kamal awake because he knows they’re talking about him. He wishes they would just read each other's minds instead. He wakes up the next morning in a bad mood, and with his eye aching. They both try to talk to him, but he ignores them through breakfast and the usual mental exercises they use every year to warm up. When lunch comes though, he finally says something to them.

“Just drop it guys,” he says. “It’s not a big deal.”

They glance at each other before nodding. The rest of lunch is silent.

***

By the time Kamal is sixteen, he has both of their addresses, and writes to them year round. They always reply fast, sometimes faster than the postal service could possibly move. Kamal suspects that they’re training year round now, but he doesn’t ask. He… frankly doesn’t want to know. 

He’s kind of given up on this whole psychic thing. 

He goes back when he’s sixteen, but only cuz his mom made him. She says if he doesn’t change his mind by the end of the summer, he doesn’t have to go back next year. He says he’ll give it a shot, but he has a feeling he’s not going to change his mind. His psychic powers only ever help him when he’s having a panic attack and he can use his shield. And even then, putting it down just makes him more vulnerable than he was before. Other than that… well, he doesn’t use them.

And he never really wanted to be a Psychonaut.

“Is there a Kamal Bora in here?” He sits up so fast that he almost hits his head on the bunk above him. He’s been lying in his bed, doodling, waiting for Sasha and Milla. The sarge is standing in the doorway though, and looking around questioningly.

“Y-yes sir!” Kamal says, instantly rushing over to him. “Did… did something happen?”

“No, not yet,” the sarge replies. Kamal’s stomach turns. “Walk with me son.” 

The two of them start down the hallway, Kamal trailing behind the sarge slightly. “Now son, you’ve been coming here since you were eight, is that correct?”

“Y-yes sir,” Kamal replies. “Eight years.”

“And we’ve all noticed your impeccable skills,” the sarge says. “Not a lot of control, but a lot of skill. You just need some proper training.”

“Sir, I don’t-”

“Just follow me.”

They step into a part of the facility that Kamal’s never seen before. The hallways are a lot nicer, better kept. There aren’t lockers lining the walls. It all looks adult, professional. He shrinks in on himself, afraid of what might be coming. “We think that what you need son, is a little bit more intensive training. We think you could be a valuable asset. We want to take you somewhere else, train you better, train you different.”

The sarge stops in front of a large door, and uses his mind to open it. Inside of the giant room is a jet, and the sarge all but drags Kamal up onto it.

“Kamal Bora, meet the most advanced young cadets we’ve had in years,” the sarge says.

“Kamal!”

Milla stands from her seat quickly, and comes over to hug him tightly. Sasha is right behind her, although he forgoes the hug. Kamal reflexably wraps his arms around Milla, but he knows that he’s going to break her heart in a second.

“You’re coming too?” She asks excitedly. “You’re going to train to be a Psychonaut with us?”

“Yes, he is!” The sarge says. “He’s got-”

“No,” Kamal says, cutting the sarge off. “I’m not coming.”

“What?!?” All three people in the jet sound emotional, just in different ways. The sarge sounds outraged, Milla sounds heartbroken, and Sasha just sounds confused.

“You’re not coming?” Sasha asks. He puts a hand on Milla’s shoulder. She clearly needs comforting.

“No, I’m not,” Kamal says. “I never wanted to be a Psychonaut. My mom sent me here to learn control. She never wanted me to be a Psychonaut.”

“She seemed over the moon when we called her,” the sarge says. Kamal frowns. “Well… then she’ll have to get used to disappointment. I’m not going with you.” He looks pleadingly at Milla and Sasha. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t understand…” Milla whispers. “Don’t you want to stay with us?”

“I do!” Kamal says, and he feels his own heart breaking. “You guys are my best friends! But I can’t go through training for a job that I don’t want! Especially one as intense as a Psychonaut. I just…” Kamal sighed and began to fidget with his hands. “I wanna be a dentist.”

“And waste all your potential?!?” The sarge shouts.

“I didn’t ask to be a psychic!” Kamal replies. “I just want a normal life!”

“Is this because you were bullied growing up?” Sasha asks. 

Kamal freezes for a moment. “I think I should go,” he mumbles. “I’m just holding up take off.”

“Wait, Kamal!” Milla yells after him, but he’s already racing out of the jet, and back to his dorm. 

A week later, they send him home. His mom doesn’t say anything about psychics ever again. She just holds him while he cries about missing his best friends. She saves up even more than she already had so he can go to medical school. She doesn’t ask him to use his powers to reach things on high shelves, or to light the gas stove when it acts up, or to read his siblings' minds. She teaches him how to deal with a panic attack without using his shield. 

And two years later, he’s ready for med school.

[personasintro]

Insecure | pjm [oneshot]

synopsis; You’re insecure about your scar and Jimin — your boyfriend is there to change that.

warnings: strong language, fingering, protected sex

genre: fluff, smut

words count: 2.8k

A/N: This one is requested and is kind of short, but I hope you like it!

MASTERLIST

Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you bite the inside of your cheek as you feel self consciousness creeping its way out. You grip the hem of your T-shirt tightly as you’re too disgusted to even touch the awful scar on your stomach. You wish it’d look like your two other scars which are barely visible for you or anyone else to see. You know your health is on the first place, without discussion. But you’re dealing with your insecurity ever since you first saw that ugly scar. No matter how many people tell you it’s not that bad it doesn’t change the fact how you feel about it. You’re not comfortable in your own skin and you wish you could be. Hearing the rustling on your bed you quickly cover your stomach looking at the blonde hair peeking out. Jimin slowly opens his one eye his hand touching the place beside him — the place where you laid just minutes ago. He opens his both eyes searching for you. As his eyes adverts to you he slowly smiles waving at you. You chuckle already making your way to the bed.

“Hey, beautiful.” He says with his raspy voice as he already reaches for you. He quickly pulls you to him and you hum as you feel his warmth on your back.

“Hey.” You mumble closing your eyes for a second.

“What were you doing?” He asks as he’s not really used to wake up in an empty bed without you by his side.

“Nothing,” You lie. “I had to pee.” You mumble as the awful image of your scar invades your mind. You haven’t really said anything Jimin about your insecurity. You’ve always just covered your stomach praying he wouldn’t see it. Maybe he wouldn’t find you beautiful anymore — just like you feel about yourself.

“Hmm, did you pee well?” He asks as you scrunch your brows in confusion, and amusement.

“Did you just ask me that?” You ask disgusted as he laughs into your shoulder. His hand slowly touches your stomach and you tense. You’re too scared he’ll pull your T-shirt up and he’d feel it on his fingertips. Instead he just lays it there while he nuzzles his nose into your hair.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of your scent,” He murmurs as he inhales you causing you to giggle. “So, I was thinking...” He starts as he suddenly pulls away as he sits up. You lay on your back pulling blanket over you. He doesn’t pay attention as he wipes his face trying to get rid of his puffy eyes and face. You giggle at seeing his chubby cheeks and swollen eyes and lips. He looks so cute. “We could go to the beach today. It’s really hot and sunny today.” He suggests as you already dislike the idea.

“I don’t know...” You say not fully convinced as he furrows his brows.

“We haven’t been there for ages, it used to be our place.” He pouts at you. Yes, it used to be — when you had beautiful body and not ruined it by a scar.

“Okay.” You mumble praying you still have that one piece swimwear in your closet.

The water droplets slowly dripping down Jimin’s abs as he slowly walks to you. You appreciate your view as you bite into your lip. He obviously sees you as cocky grin appears on his lips. There are a group of girls not so far away from you — gawking at your boyfriend as he literally looks like model. Sorry girls, he is mine. You think as he walks up to you stopping right where you’re laying on a towel. He kneels beside you giving you a kiss. You smile happily into the kiss. He pulls away sitting next to you as he reaches for sun cream. You think he’ll put it on him since he just came from the water but instead you feel his hands on your thighs as he slowly massages the cream into your skin.

“What are you doing?” You ask, leaning onto your elbows curiously watching his hands.

“I told you to put your sun screen, you’ll burn later.” He simply comments as he keeps massaging the sun scream into your whole legs. You only sigh, enjoying the little massage he’s giving you. When he’s finished he throws the sun cream next to your beach bag. You sit up beside him simple enjoying the waves. It’s peaceful even though the beach is quite packed. But it feels like it’s just the two of you. There is a group of girls, probably those who kept gawking at your boyfriend, walking passed by you. They show their amazing looking stomachs and you simply advert your eyes to yours — which is covered with your swimsuit. Thank god, you’ve found it.

You fumble with your fingers wishing you’d have a body like them. “Hey, what happened?” Your boyfriend asks slowly as he sees your head down. He puts his hand onto your back in caring manner as he looks worried.

“Nothing.” You answer looking at him with smile. He smiles back, although squinting his eyes at you. He doesn’t believe you. But he doesn’t say a word simply leaning for a kiss which you gladly give him.

When you come home, you go to take a shower right after. The salty water from the sea dried on your skin makes you uncomfortable. You take a peaceful shower, probably with too much of hot water but that’s just the way you like it. You wrap your towel around your naked body as bathroom door opens. Jimin’s hair is almost all dried — since he took a shower before you. You walk up to the mirror you’ve above bathroom sink. Slowly taking off your black hair tie you let your hair fall onto your shoulders. Luckily it didn’t get wet, something you’ve always felt annoyed about. When you went for a swim back at the beach, you put your hair up so it wouldn’t get wet and you wouldn’t have to wash it again since you’ve washed your hair yesterday. Jimin walks behind you touching your hips as you tense. You quickly grab the little knot in your towel tighter so it wouldn’t fall.

Jimin sees it as he watches you through mirror. You can see the way his brows scrunch as he gives kiss to your naked shower. He feels his shower gel on your skin but he doesn’t say anything about you using it. He doesn’t mind this kind of stuff but he would definitely tease you. Maybe he’ll, later. He slowly grabs your hips as you can’t seem to relax your body. “Baby, what’s happening?” He asks suddenly, not stepping away. He looks at you in the mirror with sadness in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” You ask with fake chuckle but he doesn’t chuckle back. He simply stares at you as you gulp.

“Why do you keep hiding from me?” He asks hurt as you slowly close your eyes not being able to say anything to him. You want to. But the big lump in your throat isn’t allowing you. He carefully and slowly turns you around, the edge of the sink boring into your lower back. “Am I doing something wrong? You don’t find me attractive anymore?” He suddenly asks which causes you to snap your head at him. He sees the confusion in his eyes as he sighs. “We haven’t had sex for a few weeks. Ever since you had surgery. And I get it, I don’t want to push you into anything. I just feel like... you’re tensing everytime I try to touch you. Do you not love me anymore?” He asks. The way he says it makes you feel like an asshole. He looks at you with sadness in his eyes as his tone is soft and hurt. You’re such an asshole, Y/N.

You think as you shake your head at him. “I love you so much, Jimin. Don’t ever question that.” You say sternly to him as he nods. I just don’t love myself. You want to say but you stop yourself. Jimin is the most caring person you know. As soon as you’d tell him those words he’d go into over loving and protective boyfriend mode. Constantly reminding you otherwise.

“Then why are you avoiding my touch?” He asks hopelessly as he caress your cheek.

“I’m not avoiding your touch, Jimin.” You mutter as you lie right through your teeth. The hurt flashes through his eyes one more time as he touches your hips once again. You automatically tense gripping the knot on your towel once again. He scoffs chuckling bitterly.

“Stop lying,” He isn’t rude, he says it almost pleadingly. You don’t deserve him. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“You don’t do anything wrong, Jimin. It’s me.” You sigh as you pray he’d just leave you alone. You feel very vulnerable with only your towel hiding you. One move and he’d be able to snatch the towel revealing your naked body — most importantly your scar.

“Please, stop lying to me. You said you love me.” He almost begs as you bite your lip trying not to cry.

“I do, I really do.”

“Then why do you do this?” He raises his voice, obviously frustrated by you. He’s never like this and you did this with him. Because you’re too insecure to tell him the truth.

“Because I don’t love myself!” You snap at him as he widens his eyes. Maybe it caused your voice — or maybe your words. Who knows.

“What?” He asks dumbfounded, wondering if he heard you right. But you only sigh looking down at your legs.

“Do you honestly want to know the truth?” You ask quietly, vulnerably causing Jimin to wondering what’s this about. He nods waiting for you to continue. You slowly let down your towel revealing your completely naked body. Jimin’s eyes already attached to your curves and everything, as his eyes fall on your scar.

“I may be really smart, but I’ve no idea what this is about.” He looks at your eyes as you’re the one who’s dumbfounded right now.

“This.” You say as you point to your scar on your stomach. Jimin looks at it as he raises his brow.

“And? It’s a scar.” He shrugs as you open your mouth.

“It’s ugly!” You exclaim looking at it with disgust.

“You’re overacting. It’s nowhere near ugly. You can barely see it.” He says as he slowly traces his fingers across it. You don’t flinch this time, maybe because his reaction wasn’t the one you thought it would be.

“I feel so fucking ugly and insecure with it. I thought you wouldn’t want me if you see it.” You mumble as he snaps his head at you scoffing.

“Gosh, you’re so stupid sometimes,” He shakes his head amusingly as you slap his chest. He only smiles tucking his finger under your chin so you’d look at him. “I kind of get why would you get insecure. But what about me? I love you no matter what and I don’t care how many scars you’ve. You fell in love with me when I had my chubby cheeks and super crooked tooth.” He says as you smile at the image of adolescent Jimin.

“I loved your crooked tooth and chubby cheeks which disappeared.” You say to him as he chuckles at you.

“And I love you with or without scars. This shit doesn’t matter to me. You only matter.” He says as he leans his forehead against yours. He kisses you softly bringing your naked body to him.

“It’s just... those two aren’t that visible but this one,” You say pointing to the scar. “You can see it.”

He sighs as he suddenly grabs your wrist taking you to the bedroom. He lays you down onto his bed as you’re curiously looking at him. “What are you doing?” You say as you lay there all naked. Jimin smiles at the though how you’re not hiding yourself or your scar.

“I’m going to make a love to you,” He says casually already stripping down his sweatpants he put not a long time ago. “I’m going to show you how beautiful you are.” He says as he crawls above you kissing your neck. His lips slowly trails down your neck as he lightly sucks your skin there. You moan out when his fingers lightly touch your slit. He plays with your clit causing you to arch your back and he smirks at that. His lips continue way down to your chest near your scar. You hold you breath as you feel his gazing over your scar. You’re ready to lean onto your elbows to see what he’s doing just when you feel his lips on your scar. He even pulls his fingers away, giving attention to your scar only. He pecks your scar over and over again until he starts to suck the skin their. You wonder how he doesn’t feel disgusted with that but then you remember — he loves you. And you relax into his touch as he starts to rub your clit once again. This time you’re way more wet than before. He doesn’t say anything about it, like he always use to do. Instead he goes back up kissing you passionately.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, I wish you could see it sometimes.” He murmurs against your skin as he inserts his two fingers. You gasp against his lips as your walls slowly stretch, swallowing his fingers.

“Jimin...” You gasp as he smiles kissing you once again. “I need you,” You say against his lips as he only hums. You touch his chest pushing him slightly away. The look of confusion crosses his face as you bite into your lip. “I need you, like, right now.” You say eyes adverting to his bulge. The rush of realization hits him.

“But I—I wanted to—“

“Jimin, just fuck me.” You plead as he laughs at your straightforwardness already stripping down his boxers. His length spring free and you reach for it wanting nothing more than to feel the velvety skin. But he slaps your hand away and you gasp at him.

“You wanted me to fuck you,” He arches his brow and you groan at him. “I won’t fuck you,” He continues as little frown appears on your lips. “I said I’ll make love to you right now. I can fuck you later.” He says as he reaches to his night stand pulling out condom. He unwraps it as he pulls it over his length hovering over you once again. He kisses you, his plump lips staying on yours as he slowly pushes into you. You gasp into his lips as he continues. When he’s all inside he let’s you to adjust his size and you impatiently raise your hips letting him know you’re ready. This takes him by surprises, since you haven’t had sex since your surgery. But he continues as you wish, starting to thrust in. The room is filled with your moans and gasp as Jimin occasionally groans. The feel of your slick and velvety walls around him is causing him to see stars.

“Fuck, I love you so fucking much.” He gasps as he hits rougher, his balls hitting your ass. You arch your back already feeling tightening around him ever more. He can feel you’re close and he picks up his pace as he lightly bites into your neck. He holds your hips so you’re not moving too much from him and you grab his biceps hard.

“I love you.” You moan out as he rolls his hips causing you to clench around him letting your climax to take over you. His thrusts starts to get sloppy — your walls clenching around him even more makes his stomach tighten in pleasure. Soon he follows you right after, spilling his load into the condom. He thrusts couple of more times before pulling out. He quickly pulls of the condom, wrapping it up before tossing it into his small bin. He quickly lays back right next to you pulling you into his hold.

His hand touches your scar, but this time you don’t flinch away. You simple smile still feeling his lips on it. He kisses you on your cheek. “I really hope you won’t be insecure about it anymore. Scars can be beautiful, you know? They make you special.” He murmurs as he keeps caressing your scar.

You only hum still thinking you’d look better without it, although you don’t feel to insecure about it. Jimin is right. They do make you special. As you go to put some pajamas on, you see your reflection in the mirror.

Smiling when you see love bites all over your scar as Jimin filled it with his love, you lightly touch it. And the most beautiful thing is — that you don’t feel disgusted about it anymore.

[hejer-maomao]

Hello! If you're ask box is still open would you mind doing something for Lancelot where he deals with Alice getting very very lost in Cradle? If that's not something you want to write then perhaps some general Red Army with Alice headcanons? Thank-you very much and hope that you have a good day/evening/night!

Hey there! Of course honey ❤ I am ready to write anything you request! As long as it’s not explicitly banned in my rules, then be free to ask any scenario from me!

Both scenarios are so adorable and I definitely want to write both! But, unfortunately, real life is too demanding these days, so I’m going to have to pick one.

I believe you guys like the way I write Lancelot? Because you won’t believe how many requests I have for this precious baby, and I can’t be happier, to be honest!

Then Lancelot it is ❤ Let’s get to it!

MC/Alice getting lost In Cradle HCs:

It was your very first winter in Cradle, right after you started dating Lancelot, when things suddenly took a turn for the worse.

Lancelot has been extremely busy with his work, spending almost all of his days signing papers and attending meetings. While you perfectly understood how important your lover’s job is, it did not mean you were simply okay with not seeing him for multiple days in a row, only getting a quick glance at him when you both happen to pass in the hallway at the same time. Even in your own shared bedroom, Lancelot would always show up late at night and would wake up early at dawn, making it nearly  impossible to talk to him, especially when he was looking absolutely  exhausted, ready to pass out even before reaching the bed.

One snowy day, you decided that you have reached your limit. The snow was leisurely falling in Cradle, and the entire city was covered with a variety of lights and ornaments, making it extremely attractive for a romantic walk. Deciding to invite Lancelot at his break time, you gathered up your courage and knocked at his office, sure that he, as well, wanted to spent more time with you.

Unfortunately, you happened to choose an awful time to visit Lancelot. Due to the bad weather, several infrastructures were starting to show signs of cracking in the Red Territory, and Lancelot had his arms completely full with the non-ending restoration processes as well as safety measures. Barely glancing at your face, Lancelot heavily sighed at your request, before he coldly mumbled:”I do not have time for such childish activities, Alice.”

You have spent the entire week all by yourself, trapped in your room, without even having a single decent conversation with your lover, despite sharing the same living space. All of your frustration slowly piled up and you ended up shouting on top of your lungs something along the lines of “You shouldn’t have started dating a child in the first place then!” before making your way out of Lancelot’s office, slamming the door so hard, you were sure the soldiers in the backyard heard it.

Not bothering to even grab your coat, you headed for the exit, your eyes already stinging with unshed tears. You were not sure for how long you were walking for, but when you finally snapped out of your daze, you found yourself near the Lake of Tears. 

This magical place has always been one of your favourite places, and you often met up there with Lancelot in the past, when he wasn’t that trapped in his own job. Finally registering the cold wind on your cheeks, you hugged yourself tighter, already regretting your anger outburst. However, your frustration still did not fade away, and you decided against going back to the Red Headquarters before you calmed down.

The sun was already starting to set when you finally felt ready to head back. At this point, your hands were trembling from the cold and you could barely feel your feet. As you made your way out of the dense forest, a foreboding feeling settled in your stomach and you unconsciously quickened your pace, as anxiety pushed you to hurry up and seek shelter.

This decision; however, turned out to be a terrible one, as your urgency caused you to take a wrong detour somewhere along the way, which pushed you further into the forest instead of out of it. The weather was only getting worse, snow now falling harder from the sky, the wind howling in its mightiest sound. Your body wouldn’t stop shivering and you were sure your lips have already turned blue, but you still forced yourself to take another step towards what you believed was the exit.

Snow crunched under your feet as the world started to blur in front of your eyes, threatening to suddenly disappear from your sight. You shook your head twice to get rid of your dizziness, but that only made the ringing in your ears worse. Pausing to lean on a tree, you struggled to catch your breath, embracing your cold body in a futile attempt to warm it up.

The view in front of you swirled and danced, and your entire body felt so heavy, all you wanted to do was fall into a deep slumber right there.

But before you could hit the cold grass, two arms caught you in a tight embrace, a fluffy cloth wrapped around your body as you were pulled against a sturdy, warm chest.

You could vaguely hear Lancelot’s husky voice from afar, and you desperately longed to see his handsome face, but your eyelids simply refused to obey you. You fell into a deep darkness for hours, and once you woke up, it was already bright outside.

Quickly scanning your surroundings, you hardly registered that you were brought back to your bedroom, as you saw Lancelot lying right beside you, soundlessly sleeping.

Your chest tightened at the sight, as yesterday’s events came rushing back. Tears began to well up in your eyes, the small droplets falling and landing on your lover’s cheek.

The feeling of your tears managed to wake Lancelot up. You scrambled to wipe your eyes, but Lancelot was faster than you, immediately wrapping you in a gentle embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You involuntary shivered, feeling his hot breath on your skin, but you stayed still, still unsure of what to do.

A quiet moment passed with Lancelot simply holding you in his arms, basking in your presence. Once he was sure you were there with him, he softly parted from you, eyes scanning your entire body to further ensure that you were fine.

The moment your eyes met, you felt a strong desire to cry again, but you held it in, opting instead to turn you head away. As you quietly thought of a way to apologize to your lover for the mess you made, you heard a quiet whisper in your ear: ”Forgive me, my love.”

Your eyes widened in shock, as you stumbled on your own words to clarify things; but Lancelot’s voice, laced in anxiety, continued talking. “Those foolish words of mine do not hold any trace of truth. Because of my own carelessness, you almost got lost in the middle of a blizzard, and I almost…” Lancelot’s voice faded for a few seconds before returning once again “I almost lost you. I cannot forgive myself for putting the love of my life in such a situation. I do not deserve your love–”

Before he can finish whatever nonsense he was spouting, you cupped his face between your hands and kissed him hard. Lancelot froze for a second, but he soon returned your kiss, passionately deepening the initially simple kiss.

Once you separated for air, you could not stop yourself from beaming at your precious partner. As if guided by your own happiness, Lancelot tenderly smiled at you, his hand coming up to caress your still damp hair.

“I will not leave your side from now on,” were Lancelot’s next words as he pushed down the bed, “But for now, let me make it up for you.”

I hope you like the result ❤ This was such a lovely scenario to write and I personally enjoyed it! I’m sure you guys know by this time that my style is angsty by nature, so it explains how my stories usually proceed. Happy ending are my favourites, though, so do not be scared!

I was not actually planning on posting this today, since I’m quite busy with several university projects (Someone send help please), but then I saw @dreamscapesin1582 plan to celebrate Lancelot’s birthday and I was immediately motivated to finish up this Lancelot’s request!

It’s a little bit early, but oh well, a gift is still a gift! This is my own participation in this Lance Week, and hopefully we continue to shower this beautiful man with more love ❤ If I find more time later on, I will try my hands at writing more. But no promises! I'm literally drowning in my studies 😭

(P.s: I was not invited to this celebration, but I hope it’s okay!)