#literally about to cry i was so fucking scared
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kay em ess
#lol#literally just these two bitches#sat me down#as if it was some really serious intervention#scared the shit out of me#literally about to cry i was so fucking scared#just to tell me i need to be better about putting my fucking DISHES AWAY???#i just want to go homr#apparently they have cued me a bunch of times#like yeah and everytimr u tell me to i always do it#‘u say u will but thry still get left out’ i do it eventually???#like im sorry im in a fucking depressive episode and i barely wanna be alive. bye.#sorry. i gues!#and apparently if it happens again im getting my phone taken away#like what.#its not that fucking deep bruh.#im so fucking sick of this place i wanna go home#im only gonna be here until july 30th (my bday) but#fuck my life omfggg#sui tw#<- just in cade#tw sui ideation#vent
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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i wish ppl would just shut up when ppl say they're afraid of something i don't care if you think it's stupid or unnecessary or the thing they're afraid of is already widely disliked by many people you don't understand where ppls trauma is coming from and even if there isn't any trauma causing the fear just shut up and move on
#people do this to me about spiders theyre always like omg it wont do anything to you but thats the fucking thing#that annoys me so much i know it wont do anything to me i know they are important to the environment but im still fucking scared#of spiders they just look scary and i literally freeze up and cry when i see a huge one like i genuinely get scared#i dont care that its smaller than me i dont care that you think theyre cute i dont care that youre tired of ppl hating#spiders. im scared of them because i am you dont neee to give me biology 101 to try and get me to not be scared leave me alone#i feel the same way abt ppl who laugh at ppl for being scared of dogs#'oh? ur scared of the 4 yr old dog is barking at you?' like so what if this is the case? shut up!!!! it doesn't matter that u think its#stupid alot of these fears that ppl think are stupid aren't a open door for u to ne patronising just shut the fuck up#there is a girl i know who has a phobia of crisps/chips and ppl think its stupid and inconvenient#like. who cares if u think its stupid there is a real trauma behind her fear and even if there wasnt literally. calm down and go somewhere#else and eat the crisps like omfg
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i wanna cry i rlly hate being new to things
#literally tearing up and crying i hate this#i didnt rlly care much at first until i realised a lot of ppl DONT like new fans#im so sad rn i absolutely hate being new to things or to people and feeling so left out#i feel like ill just never get it or compare to fans that have been fans for fucking years#like ppl r thinking of gatekeeping and just not helping new fans i saw and im just sick and even scared idk why#maybe in thinking too much into this. im sorry.#sorry for this kind of vent omg i just idk i feel sick#yes this is about motor city machine guns#i wish i have gotten into them sooner. thanks a lot to my tribalist of a dad who thought tna sucked bc it wasnt wwe.#punkoween yaps#vent
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I don't think this is Moe's first offense (saying something brazen/flippant) but I do think it's the first time it's called the King a bitch. And it won't be the last! The funniest part of Anna being the one to take charge and chew Moe out is that it gives Moe the opportunity to do The Exact Same Thing to Alfonse one-on-one (you know... to test the waters... to see how he feels about it....). Which it is. Also promptly chastised for.
FAVE PANELS...
#fire emblem#feh#moe really is. a type of guy. it immediately gets scared when anna first corrects it. so what does it do? dig the hole deeper. double down.#THAT REALLY IS MOE'S BRAVE FACE.... playing dumb or getting oppositional. sometimes both.#but it is NOT confrontational... epitome of i'm just a little birthday boy. EXTREMELY annoying type of guy LMFAOOO#i feel like anna has been v patient w moe up until this point. like this has to be a three strikes you're OUT situation.#and both alfonse/sharena have been such hard working straight and narrow types that. they have never seen anna like that.#I REALLY THINK. it's like. anna is The Literal Commander Of A Military Unit and also given her background#more or less she could have been killed for having an attitude like that. hypothetically. we don't know her background. BUT THEORETICALLY..#i like to imagine it does come from a place of that though.#also moe may be an authority hating shithead but it does VERY quickly come to respect anna actually.#you have to Earn it. be Worthy of it. it sees that anna is extremely capable and skilled and fair. it respects that.#so like... i think it genuinely doesn't want to upset or disappoint her. however... it does have ... moe tendencies.#anyways even though i'm in between a dozen things i just had to draw this out and i'm so happy i did tbh#i don't really know how anna feels about moe. but it IS extremely funny to imagine moe is just torn asunder by her at one point#AND. IT FULLY DESERVED IT. it is taking the L here.#ALSO THE FACT THAT ALFONSE IS PISSED TOO. IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME. moe you just fucked up big time#IT WAS TRYING. TO BE NICE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#fe alfonse#sharena#fe anna#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics#also that is. a whole other comic. moe committing the offense again and getting sternly corrected#until it's like ooooohhh. wait. you actually respect your dad... okay. um. let me think of something else to say#LMFAOOO... i think third time's a charm. it doesn't dare say that to sharena. what if she cries. moe is also gonna cry. and thrup
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:/
#wanting to be on here so much more often but im so anxious about the current state of the world and trying to get a job#i get rejection after rejection and my parents are literally talking behind my back and are recommending me jobs that just need a hs diploma#or they think im not applying#and then theres these two equal and opposing forces: one who is so scared of moving far far far away from home and wants to stay in the#familiar forever. and the other side wants to gtfo and make something of life#my brain is just so loud and i feel like such a failure all the time and my parents are only making me feel worse#it shouldn't be this fucking hard to get a job in bioengineering. it's fucking engineering#and back to the parent thing... i wouldn't be this upset if they weren't so pushy. in this job market it takes approx 6 months for new grads#to get a job#it hasn't even been two months#ik they want what's best. but i feel so belittled#i feel belittled by everything these days like it takes me forever to respond to messages and i feel so depressed#maybe i just need a good cry but i truly am just so stuck and i wish future me could grab me by the shoulders and tell me it's gonna fucking#be ok and just relax#i just dont see anything good happening for me in the future#negativity tw#apple lady words
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What do you mean it's already been a full year since ROTTMNT the movie was released....
Still can't believe I actually watched the film like, 9 times in a row that day too.
#time is fucking flying by so fast#we were just talking about the show's 5 year anniversary and now the movie's 1st anniversary is here...#i still remember where i was when watching the movie for the first time#i wasn't feeling well at all and literally set up a area on the couch#i remember smiling like a idiot when the boys showed up on the screen and getting scared when the Kraang showed up#i especially remember getting so teary eyed when they got their ninpo back and kicked some ass#i especially remember quietly crying when Leo sacrificed himself and wiping away the tears when Mikey opened a portal to rescue him#wild rollercoaster of emotions that day but i look back on it fondly#rottmnt movie#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles movie#rottmnt the movie#rottmnt
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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that four day weekend was lovely but I really started going through something and it's definitely necessary and very... transformative? and well that's why it's so painful christ
#it's been hard to sleep for a couple of weeks tbh#cause I keep having these fantasies where my ex becomes the person I basically know him to be without the depression#and I just feel like ahh what the fuck have I done why did I break up with him#the first time I saw him after he'd bought a BOOK? he had PLANTS? he'd framed ART???#and I literally was on the floor crying because it felt so devastating to see a temporary glimpse of that#like it's not *him* it's the depression#and I just feel guilty like idk what I want anymore. my partner literally moves to this country on thursday#and I'm supposed to be over the moon but I don't have a lot of feelings about it :( happy for them but scared this isn't what I want#hm:(
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basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it
#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried#im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that#im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal#just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭#and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails#like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow#and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things#like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice#and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off#she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭#why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin#AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed#im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim#like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now#and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT#but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work#like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough#the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY#hella goes home
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Clearly not handling having to give up my dogs as well as I thought I was
#can't even properly cry about it bc im sharing a room with my sister#as awful as i feel about the whole thing...i feel the worst when i think about K#she was literally like my baby ... got her when she was like...6 ..8 weeks old and i could hold her in one hand#and having her really helped me get through last year#anyways i feel like physical pain over this#and D my giant baby#he's so sweet and lovely but people are scared of him bc he looks aggressive#i hate this so much and it's constantly what could i have done to prevent this how could i have done better??#maybe if i were better at being christain#then maybe god would have done smth#not that that's ever worked before#and it's a pointless spiral i know because there is nothing i could have done and that hurts so much as well#it's so fucked up... literally all my future plans included K (bc my fam loved D more.. they weren't as fond of K) and now#even if i moved to a diff country i knew id have to do extra paperwork and all that so i could take her with#and now...there's just nothing...a massive fucking void#anyways back to distracting myself so i dont think about this#asra talks
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y does it feel so SO wrong 2 share ur opinion???
#oh u solved the problem#urself!#like its not even about bing right or wrong its just about literally communicating & i think im doing it BAD#IM NOT AFRAID OF BING “H8ED” ON I JUST#i think i just dont like having the chance of making ppl feel bad?#or soemthing aloong those lines?#theres a line a vry easy line 2 cross#like expressing a comic book opinion right? bc its super easy 2 sway a bunch of ppl#but if ur saying smth u dont like it while some1 does it has the possibility of making that person feel bad#& I H8 THAT...idk y it makes me feel like shit????? @ the possibility???#this feels like smth i should bring up w/a therapist LMAOOOOOOO#but like same thing when i was in class right? giving a presentation i got RLLY SCARED 2 do it bc i was giving an opinion or a fact BUT I#COULD B WRONG ON THE FACT!! which is y i just never did them bc i would cry lol but its just#it kinda feels the same way#its weird bc im fine w/getting shit wrong. its only when i share an opinion when i feel stupid??????? ok not stupid just mean? i think? yea#this is possibly the reason y i get nervous sharing hcs or aus. bc it wont b “canon accurate” & then will like fuck up some1s perception id#its not like any1 reads this lashfkj i just hmmmmmmm theres defiantly smth i should b discovering here i just am not...#i want 2 share my opinion bc its a fucking opinion theres nothing wrong w/it bc its not a fact EXCEPT in the way its a fact of how i FEEL o#THINK?? like its just its strange. i think this has a lot 2 do w/me never bing listened 2 as a child LOL uhhhhhhhh hmmmmmm yeah prolly akj#I FIGURED IT OUT I GOT IT ALLLLLL UNLOCKED#god i hhhhhhhhhhh some1 make a clone of me so i can talk 2 me like a therapist or smth#this is y i cant do therapy actualyl its bc i just keep yapping then by the time im done the therapist always went tyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#srry ramblings
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Having a serious George Michael moment at two am.
#we're having serious family problems#the kind you should call the cops about if you trust the cops#instead i called my dad#i have never asked him for anything#not in like thirty years#and i begged him to come as soon as he can in the morning#i can't be the only adult here anymore#and my abusive dad who has religious delusions is my only option#and for literally the first time in my entire fucking life he's coming to help me#i think i scared him with my crying#i don't think he's ever seen me cry in like the last thirty years or so#i am terrified though#so I'm listening to George Michael because he and Elton are the most comforting music i can think of right now#maybe I'll add some Madonna to this playlist#anyway everything is hard right now and i truly don't know what to do when the systems society has in place for this aren't an option#and my cats are like an hour away#i really might delete this later#I'm just so upset???#i needed to write it out for a third time in a third place
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I need to stop sleeping all day its giving me wild as fuck dreams
#literally had a dream that i was a 14yr old mexican boy who was kidnapped by a crime boss and worked for him#making my way up the ladders until i was his right hand man#until one day i got in an accident and the paramedic who found me stuck by me while the cops questioned me#bc like who is this kid why is he so malnourished who is meant to tale care of you#and then they were restraining me in the back of an ambulance and i was crying and trying to breathe my way out of a panic#attack and then managed to calm down and the paramedic (who looked like that guy from disco elysium. the one you play as)#started asking me questions about my life and i talked about how johnny was in charge and he wore half a black rabbit mask but upside down#so the singular ear ran down his throat. and i talked about other thing idk but then CRASH the ambulance is suddenly gone#(OH I REMEMBER. i talked about how there were these women (prostitutes) who were nice to me and would give me food and drink#that i wasnt supposed to have and they wouldnt let me drink what the men were having but thats okay it tasted nasty anyway#and how on my last mission i was shot in the leg and it delayed me a day and johnny punished me by locking me up#and i couldnt leave and i nearly starved to death that week but the women snuck me small amounts of food and drink#even tho they would have been killed if they were caught. anyway that was like two weeks ago and my leg still hadnt healed)#im tied up under the clothesline at the top of the stairs of my irl house while the paramedic is tied to a chair by the front door#johnny comes in and starts asking questions but upon receiving no answers he grabs a metal bat and breaks the paramedics knee#and im just crying and screaming for it all to stop scared out of my life and johnny asks if i want the beating instead#and the paramedic says “dont you lay a finger on him. (name) look away i dont want you seeing this”#and then johnny starts torturing him amd all i hear is his screams even tho im blocking my ears and squeezing my eyes shut#and then im in johnnys room three years later and hes turned me into a dog but also an axolotl and ive forgotten my human roots#....like literally what the FUCK was that????#moss' madness#its called vague posting FOR A REASON
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suicide ment againnnn
see when i was in high school, d---- posted a suicide note saying something something "this is queued, by the time it goes up I'll be dead." and at the time he was mad at me for something inconsequential so I wasn't in contact with him. also at this time this was not his FIRST faked suicide so i was like okay. whatever. but all my other friends were FREAKED out scared. kylee henke was online at the time and one of my friends sent an anon ask like "WHAT DO WE DO????" and i think she said "uhhh. call the cops in the area i guess? geez i don't know i hope your friend's okay." feel bad that got dumped on her, but it was just bc she was online and my friends were scared teens that looked up to her. anyway ppl were messaging me abt it and all i could say was "idk, he's not talking to me but he's definitely fine." which wasn't very reassuring so for THEIR sake i hopped on facebook and dm'd d----'s MOM and was like hey. can you go upstairs and check on [deadname], we're worried. and she was like yeah [deadname]'s fine, just crying in front of the computer. and i was like okay thanks. HEY EVERYONE HES FINE.
so then i think the pile of concerned dms he was getting turned into piles of "jfc dude we were worried about you" and he came online with a "WHICH ONE OF YOU MEANERS TOLD!!!" post which was VERY funny to me. idk if he ever figured out it was me bc, like i said, we weren't talking at the time.
so anyway thats where I'm coming from here.
#myaa#the first time he faked suicide i had to be sent home early from school bc i couldnt stop crying#he literally did that to punish me for lightly criticizing him lol <3#fun fact about me. i continued to have a crush on him and went on to date him like. a couple years later.#we didnt stop talking until AFTER we started living together. when it was impossible to escape his bullshit miseries#i think the final straw was that he was too scared of ants to go in the kitchen and clean his dishes#and i didnt care about ants so i wouldnt set ant traps for him#bc. it's fucking ants.#multiple faked suicides to punish me didnt do it. ants did <3 thank you ants
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ok wrestling is dirt pits by ethel cain is sooooo raph and leo coded. to me.
#cus like first of all. 'son of a preacher/scared of the world' <-literally leo#'backwater girl' <-raph if youre me... AND ALSO 'everything here wants us dead' <-LITERALLY WHAT EVRRY TMNT SHOW IS ABOUT HELLO#'my mamas always been good at making me cry til im holding that gun to my head' <- splinter and raph obvi r u kidding..#'americas sweetheart starved straight to death/and some say theyre still peeling her out of that bed' <-ok leo trying to get himself killed#specifically 2012 when they were in the farmhouse after that fight and leo was in a coma in the bathtub for like a month all fucked up#'i keep praying youll save me/all alone in this house' <- them. really makes me think of 07 raph+leo dynamic. codependent+theyhate eachother#'i feel so goddamn crazy/i think the heats getting to me again'+'i get so goddamn angry/unlike tammy i cant stand my man'<- a#'stood over her casket thinking youre next/but america beat you in line' <-RAPH TERRIFIED JUST WAITING FOR LEO TO ACTULLY GET HIMSELF KILLED#'scared youll end up like your daddy high strung/from his neck begging his reflection for more time' <-JDSHJSHDEH!!! OK HOLD ON#2012 raph scared leo will end up like splinter#killed by his reflection(yoshis being saki). the parallels set between yoshi+saki and leo+raph r not lost on me BELIEVE THAT#i cant even explain it just. you get it#anyways. im mentally normal. happy sunday to all
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