#literal child soliders.
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oh btw p3 update, i think im a little over half ways through.
#50 hours#just got past 10/4#so.#ive been kind of mulling over everything a bit#im not gonna lie it made me cry#even though i called it and was nearly confident it would happen#it still made me cry and i think thats incredibly impressive#bc ive been very rough on the expierence of playing so far#but i think i really do enjoy it(?)#akihiko、mitsuru、shinjiro、ken、aigis and minato all mean a lot to me#but heres my in game thoughts (w/o spoilers. look up the date if u wanna know what im talking abt and dont know already)#sees is so incredibly evil in the way they operate#i know this isnt the intention the game is presenting#but also this whole thing is fucked up#so fucked up#and we're marching towards our deaths because we have to#literal child soliders.#and dont get me started on ken#im gonna throw up im so scared for minato#pharos visited after 10/4 and we got a very large infodump which im thankful for. i like when he actually talks abt story stuff.#and i cant help but fear that this game is not actually 100 hours#my deepest fear is that i really am as close to the end as i think#and it ends in tradgedy.#well. thats all my thoughts for now、I'll update when ive got more significant stuff. o7#mikutimetalk
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hc that one thing everyone in the batfamily knows without doubt is: alfred knows everything. hidding anything from alfred is a waste of time and energy, because he always just knows. so they simply don’t. they dont need to tell him, but they dont need to hide it, he always knows anyways.
however, the thing is alfred is just a regular old man who spends all of his time cleaning, cooking and making sure they dont die. he doesnt have time to be figuring out what the bat ninjas he has for a family is hidding so most often than not he doesnt know. it doesnt help that no one in the family ever tells him anything, because they expect him to just know. he just has a really really good poker face and an inability to be surprised by much so everyone just assumes he already knew once he discovers anything.
#alfred pennyworth#batman#batfam#he also doesnt know the batfam believe he knows everything#and he is really tired of being the last one to find out literally anything about their lives#bruce didnt even told him about batman#he found out a few weeks after on one of the first particularly bad nights where bruce just crashed on his bed wearing the batsuit#he blinked twice and then told bruce to remember to wear proper sleepwear next time#he found the batcave one day when he was cleaning and bruce just walked by him and walked in the cave#the sigh he left after realizing he had more to clean couldve heard from space#at some point much much later he started assuming every minor under their roof was just another child of bruce#(to be fair that is correct like 85% of the time so his logic is pretty solid)#he is convinced he is the grandfather of at least two heros in any superhero/vigilante group that existed#the batfamily needs better conversational skills#batfamily#robin#batgirl#dc#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#damian wayne#bruce wayne#dc titans#teen titans#young justice#dc outlaws
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Arlecchino discourse is really awkward because both sides are so convinced they are right and that the other side just lacks media literacy but 9 times out of 10 the take in question is also wrong and it leaves me scratching my head a little bit….
#fuzzy rambles#like either they are like ‘no she is bad and doesnt care for the kids at all’ or its ‘she is good actually and does care for the kids’#and for me its like… damn…. its actually a little more complicated than that but ok ig#saw someone say she doesnt care for freminet or lynette she just uses them as pawns for lyney to be her heir#which is so incorrect on almost every level#it’s basically a self report that they dont know freminet or lynettes relationship with arlecchino#like i think we can agree raising child solider is problematic or whatever while not painting everything she does as master manipulation#like the things ppl claim are just her 5000 level iq manipulation… rolling my eyes it doesnt even make sense#but at the same time she obviously isnt a saint who has everyones best interests in mind because they are still childe soliders#even tho things got better when she took control there is still a lot of cultish and cruel behaviors the kids get drilled into them#tho honestly the whole fatui is like that look at any of the recurits who arent from the orphanage and they are equally brainwashed#if not us than who or whatever (girl who thinks about what happened in the chasm and want to eat drywall)#idk. dont yall have parents? like u can love and care for a child and still suck as a parent#you can try to not become ur abusive mother and still turn into a monster of sorts#ignore the childe instead of child its literally muscle memory how embarrassing
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My hot take is that season 4 of the umbrella academy was good actually
#this is how i get cancelled lol#i have literally seen nothing but hate and negativity for it but i just watched the whole thing and i liked it so. fuck me i guess#everyone is a tragedy enjoyer until the tragedy comes and then all the sudden it's not okay for stories to not have happy endings anymore.#anyways you're all entitled to your own opinions but i thought it was solid. satisfying.#they spend the show fighting together to save the world#unknowing that they're causing it's repeated destruction and the answer is to stop fighting? let go together?!#and its part of the tragedy that they're collateral damage. of course it wasn't their fault! did romeo and juliet create the family fued?#you desperately want Reggie and Abigail to be the only ones who are punished because it was their fault the whole thing happened#but idk how to tell you this. the storyteller wants you to be sad so that you understand the consequences of the actions of those at fault.#that's the point#anywayyyy#wait I'm actually not done bitching yet.#saw someone complaining about how creepy five and lila's romance was because Aiden Gallagher is ''barely legal''#and like ohhhh my godddd stop. it is not okay to treat 20 year olds like children who can't make their own decisions. he's 20.#he'll be 21 in like two weeks. he's not a child. if you didn't like that plotline thats fine! just say that!#leave your weird virtue signaling about age gaps out of it#anyway. that's all.#the umbrella academy
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Here's actually the first doodle I did of all May, June, and Jake when I was first making them over a year ago. It is still completely accurate
#my ocs#im not tagging this as my art this is barely art#parker didnt even exist then </3 parkers literally like 2 weeks old yet shes having me rewrite like a solid 50% of my OC lore#Anyways in my insane long rambling i DID gloss over the ways in which June and May's dynamic changes but I prommy its actually a core theme#and a central aspect of the plot. and by 'central aspect' i mean 'its practically the focus' but theres soooo much going on that CAUSES-#-all of the oddities in their dynamic that its easier to just. focus on that when im describing it all at once lol#essentially their dynamic has to go from two very close sisters to now a guardian and a child and its just scary and uncomfortable for them#esp when you add Penny to the equation bc Penny basically INSTANTLY gets added into the dynamic#its a lot i have so many thoughts forever#the squits
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there’s a lot of things im not enjoying about my life right now but i think the worst one is that i don’t have anything to talk about other than how miserable and tired and unmotivated i am
#im exaggerating a bit. the only positive and changing thing in my life is my dog#but like. this really is just 8 weeks of constant suckage#[ context. im in school to be a cpa while working full time. i have quite literally 0 free time. this will continue until about sept 2025 ]#i keep spiralling into questioning myself on why im even doing this#like deep down. i dont think society as it stands is going to last into my 40s. so why am i wasting my 20s on The Grind#spending my life until i turn 26 hustlegrinding so i can get a solid job and then coast the rest of my professional life#is only a good idea if the world stays functional and i live until. idk. 50 or 60 i think would make it worth it#im just so jealous of people who dont have to financially support their family. i didnt pick this. i dont want this#nobody around me gets it either. nobody i know is in this situation#every time somebody tells me to slow down or take a break i want to kill them. like im an only child and my parents are aging#they do not have retirement savings. there is a very real ticking clock for me to hit an income level to keep the 3 of us going#part of me wishes i were irresponsible and could just. do what i want until it blows up in my face#but im too serious im too cautious im too risk averse im too pragmatic#so here i am. spending my 20s ignoring any and all personal enjoyment in favour of Building My Future#i dont think life ends at 30 or anything. if i knew the world was going to be okay i wouldnt worry so much#but i cant shake the belief that we’re headed for a societal collapse in my lifetime. likely when i’m middle aged.#i dont want to be a doomer but what the fuck is the point of it all. why am i doing this if not to set myself up for the next 60 years#freewheeling bitextual
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Ok Im watching Gundam. Did you guys know Gundam kind of rules
#I just finished episode 2 very early in gundam.#I like it starting with Amuro's dad talking about how one day they wont have to use child soldiers and#then like almost every solider dies horribly and now theyre using child soldiers.#Also only on episode 2 but I wasnt expecting the military conflict to literally just be like civil war because some people want to secede#Also got jumpscared by Char being here immediately I was thinking he was gonna get here later for some reason.
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Thinking about Arisia again
#for once I’m not having complicated feelings over that plot!#now I’m thinking about how she’s literally a child solider :) and an orphan and this is just never acknowledged#Random DC Stuff
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[ID copied from ALT: A digital sketch of my OC Rian, who is a genderfluid (she/they) "fennec fox" person. She is sitting with her legs loosely crossed, arms resting on her knees casually as they lean back slightly and smile languidly at the viewer. Her tail, which is tan, fluffy, and has a black tip, sweeps in front of her legs. Her ears are fluffy, large, and tan outside with white insides, featuring small cuff piercings along the front edge of the ear. Their hair frames their face in the front and sticks out cutely in the back, dark grey in color with bright acid green tips. Their eyes are a bloody brown and she's wearing a casual brown long sleeved shirt and desaturated blue leggings. End ID]
The cuckoo who invaded the nest.
#mara's art#Rian#OCs#rian!!! who has a very solid personality and general setting bc i rp'd as them for a while in a DA chat based group. lol#she is! part of a very rare species that are born directly from an invasive tree species#and literally designed to mimic species located where the invasive tree has rooted itself#so she mimiced the fox family she grew up in but as she grew older her hair *gestures at* changed color and her tail too#also the goal of her existence is to spread her mother's species to other planets and rob resources#like zerg but not bugs and more stealthy#also they have no remorse for killing others (not her species!) and likes the adrenaline rush when they're on the run#so. they're wanted in. a good portion of my universe bc they keep running around and getting caught and escaping#and planting seeds that grow trees that look exactly the same as the wildlife around them#oh also she has a child. the child was born like a clone lol#rian tossing her kid out: ok go distract them while i work
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I feel like whatever was going on with majima/mirei/katsuya in the early 90s was some sort of complicated bisexual love triangle situation. like majima is majima and katsuya’s handsome and eloquent and absolutely doesn’t seem straight to me, but on top of that it feels like there was some sort of confusing tension between katsuya and mirei, not sure if it was romantic or one-sided or what but. SOMETHING. I don’t know what the hell was going on with those three really but no way in hell do I believe the romantic/sexual/??? depth ends with majima and mirei
#katsuya is HANDSOME and CHARMING and ELOQUENT. I just KNOW at least one of them was into him. probably both#one way I’m imagining it could’ve went is like#katsuya introduces majima and mirei to one another and mirei crushes on him pretty quick (because she is 19 and quick to do so)#majima doesn’t really particularly have an interest in her- not cause she’s unattractive or anything probably mostly because she’s almost a#because she’s almost a decade younger than him and barely legal. but at some point she confides in katsuya about her feelings for him and#katsuya being the sweet and honorable kinda dude he is acts as a wingman and tries to get majima to go out with her#and eventually majima relents because he doesn’t want to end up admitting to katsuya that he actually had a thing for KATSUYA#and by playing wingman for his good friend mirei majima takes it as him being uninterested and thus doesn’t shoot his shot and yeah#katsuya’s hard to say no to and hey I mean maybe mirei- a civilian- will make his life more capable of Normalcy#she’s conventionally attractive and is a decent enough friend- albeit he didn’t really know what she was like as a person before she was#crushing on him and also. again. she’s 19 and an idol. so inevitably her identity in general is NOT solid yet#almost as if rebounding off a relationship he never even Got- things move insanely quickly with mirei and they’re married in less than a#year. the whole time katsuya is there cheering them on- he’s smart and I think he’d see the red flags when it comes to their ages and#maturity at least but I think that’d become more apparent over time and he’d start to have regrets but#it’s way too late for that. especially when she comes to him bawling her eyes out because she’s found out she’s pregnant and she has no#idea what to do. both for her career and because she’s literally barely an adult she doesn’t want a child at that point but obviously she#knows she’ll feel guilty and- more than that- deep shame for terminating. she’s insightful even at that age and also maybe can read majima#well enough to know that he might take her abortion as a sign for him to book it to no longer cause her anymore issues. katsuya reassures#her cause what else is he gonna do. but of course she’s right and his commitment issues kick in big time and yeah. over the years katsuya’s#the in-between still close with both of them. specifically he’s closer with mirei and they trust one another a lot more than majima with#either of them- just because majima’s Like That and his trust issues create distance easily. nonetheless at some point majima asks him if#he’s been single for so long because he was hung up on mirei and apologizes if he got in the way of them and that leads into some really#long overdue admissions and likely hooking up. but of course majima is STILL majima and again kinda books it because feelings are#inconvenient and their time for something like a relationship has passed (or something like that).#mirei often wonders if things would’ve been better if she’d have ended up with katsuya instead but similar to majima she’s career-focused#now and just wants to value him as a friend regardless of any lingering potential feelings. majima ends up falling hard for kiryu#sooner than later and life just moves on from any romanticism beteeen the three of them- a nostalgic closeness lingers instead#rambling#that was. a lot.
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At what point do all the "bad days" teaching coalesce into a bad year?
#i cant handle this level of screaming#this kid literally gets in my face and yells 'I DONT LIKE YOU'#which like#whatever#i dont react in the moment#but it SUCKS because i have to process it after#and it is exhausting to be solid this whole time when in any other job#this would qualify as abuse and i would be given some sort of support#two attempted bites and two attempted pinchings#also for record: i intentionally do not work in a behavior classroom because I know this is not something that is my wheelhouse#this isn't like my job that I'm getting paid for this is a child who is not in the right supportive setting that i cant provide#my setting is instructional only and this kid needs more and I can't give it to him because I don't have the resources#but I also myself know that this is not my area of expertise#thats why i dont apply for the higher paying behavior classroom job#because its not where i would be the best teacher#so why the FUCK am i doing behavior classroom work when I'm not getting paid for it and I didn't ask to#I'm so tired and overwhelmed and I just really wish someone gave a damn#in which sara is a teacher#anyway sorry#vent post#im so fucking tired
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Everyone's always so mad over unsolicited criticism but you know what makes me furious? Unsolicited comfort. Me simply not expressing myself the same way as you is not a sign that I'm depressed and in desperate need for you to come to my rescue, it is not an invitation for you to act like my one pillar of reliability or to act like my friend when you do not know my life, do not know wether I do have support, do not know I chose to be in this position you feel so uncomfortable looking at and on god you just don't get to pity me for living my fucking life the way I want to
#unsolicited advice is somewhere in the middle of these two that's not what I'm talking about#I'm just so bothered that some straight old lady on the boot besides mine kept treating me like a fucking child#because I was on my own#my father and my sibling were willing to help I just felt more comfortable doing sales on my own#cause I can't bounce between scripts that easy#and she kept talking down on me and once we left on the first day she said something like ''tomorrow will be better okay?''#COMPLETELY UNPROMPTED and it's stuck in my mind so bad#someone else across from me also thought I was bummed out but one they were school kids trying to help and two THEY FUCKING ASKED#once they asked and I explained myself we continued to get along I thought it was sweet and they clearly were looking up to me#like on terms of art skill and such#it was very nice I thanked them before leaving and I assured them I was having fun but I'm just not from there and work differently#they said I was nice and asked for advice getting commission work from overseas#but the lady literally only babied me her son was also uncomfortably trying to make conversation as if I couldn't be left to my own devices#god it just makes me so mad!#I know how I look and I know me being cold in the first day didn't help my disposition be very energetic at all but gooood#who asked for life advice. not me you don't know what I'm doing with mine leave me alone#MEANWHILE that bearded dude who called the cat a dog??? Left while criticizing how I organized my shit#solid physical things I could adjust without too much effort and that would make it easier for customers#and you know what?? he left and I was thankful and Made those Adjustments because it had a clear reason why it affected him#and it made SENSE to fix it'd just improve quality of service#the guy came back later with his kids and he was super cool#anyway experiences experiences I am going to bite anyone who's that condescending to me again#Void fala aí#also i didn't know how to describe her ''old'' was probably incorrect she was your average karen age
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Another thing no one tells you is that when you hit your mid-late twenties, getting pins and needles becomes an exponentially worse experience
#i just stood up from the couch after a solid 10 minutes of sitting on my own leg and i literally didn’t think my foot would take my weight#i nearly fell straight the fuck back down. it was so painful#and this was just from the fuzzy staticky numb feeling i used to create for fun when i was a child!#recovery times are just so much more severe now. if you let your leg go to sleep it might never wake up#if i fall asleep with my head in the wrong position i might as well just write off the whole of the following day considering the state#my neck will be in for the 12+ hours after that experience#i spent 50 fucking pounds on a memory foam pillow in the middle of an economic crisis ✨while unemployed✨ just to cut out that feeling#it was 100% worth it. i haven’t woken up with a headache or neck pain since like 3 days after i bought it (acclimation is required)#but still. STILL#shit is ridiculous#personal
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kind of frustrating to be sitting there with an idea for a KILLER fic that's a scenario that could be absolutely filled with jokes but to not have any idea what those jokes should actually... be
#belostomations#one of the ideas has the characters watching a bad porno#but i dont watch pornos i watch five minute clips of alt girls riding bad dragon dildos. im a child of the new millenium.#so i actually dont have any clue what goes on in bad pornos beyond what ive osmosised from living in society#so i have to research i guess#although in the process of writing this post i came up with at least one really solid Bit so#complaining is literally always the answer
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i need to mkae. m y own gacha react video so i cant stop being so sick and evil abut ein because noone gets him right . ramble in tags ok ay byteee
#like he has the worlds worst inferiority superiority complex a man can have#everyone in his life hates him to the point of death. the only positive connection he ever really had was with michael The Actual Devil#he craves violence and power but hes not strong physically enough to get it naturally#he manipulates his way into every relationship and situation he can. he needs to be the center of attention. he needs to have control#the only person's opinion hes ever valued was michael who gave nothing in return. michael openly told other people ein meant nothing to him#and in s6 he tells ein 2 kill aaron when he needs aaron alive all because he needs aarons wolf form and that ein will fail in killing him#in the s6 trailer michael literally says to eins face “the fact that hes alive is the only reason i havent killed you”#and ein's response?? “I can still be useful” thats his first fucking thought#his father believed him to be a monster because he committed the sin of being a bastard child. zack projected his own insecurities onto ein#- which in turn made those fears come true. it gave michael the perfect opportunity to twist the knife in zacks gut. turn his worst fear -#- into reality.#like even though jessica tried to say that “theres nothing deeper with ein” because she cant conceptualize the horrors she unleashed#she cant deny the dynamic ein and michael had. one of a mentor and student#with the student doing everything he can to get that gold star. the prize he wanted. michael's validation. but michael would never -#- give that up to ein. he would rather ein die than ever praise him. even in death michael only glances towards eins corpse.#he doesnt say a word because why would he? ein was his little solider. an obedient dog who followed his orders.#a son whose only want was his father's attention.#as you can see my autism is strong with ein.
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She’s genuinely so bad
#my mother#i know she isnt trying to be#but she is#the psychiatrist ive started seeing was asking her if she had noticed any changes in me that made her think i needed help#and she started going on avout when they really started tp get worried#shes like ‘oh yeah we(her and my dad) really noticed a decline in the summer when she started losing weight’#like. that was in august#over two months after i had gone to student services and asked them to tell my parents i needed help#i was literally days away from killing myself for a solid month#the fact that your child had to ask someone else to tell you that they need help wasnt an indication that i needed help???#she and my dad say things that make me out to be a problem a lot#i just stop talking. for a long time#and sometimes I purposely stop eating#and you saw neither of those things?#you didnt see a problem?#theyve been happening for years now#she doesnt want to see them#antiopa
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