#so here i am. spending my 20s ignoring any and all personal enjoyment in favour of Building My Future

[daforged]

there’s a lot of things im not enjoying about my life right now but i think the worst one is that i don’t have anything to talk about other than how miserable and tired and unmotivated i am

[misomilk]

hi :) is it possible to get an answer for all of the country questions? if no, can i pls get the answer to what you think of translations to eng, your fave song in your native tongue and fave author?

Hello~! You’re so sweet, anon. Thanks for giving me something to do to pass the time while I ignore what I’m supposed to do. LOL

This was so much fun to answer. I hope you pick up things about where I’m from. :) Have an awesome day!!!

1. favourite place in your country? I really love El Nido. It’s super pretty, and not so tourist-filled the last time I went. (That was many, many years ago…) The water is so clear. The critical spots for animals are properly preserved. Gosh. It was perfect. :’) Arashi’s Aiba Masaki had gone there HUEHUEHUE Too bad I went like, a year before he did. A year before I ever found Arashi. XD The beaches of the Philippines are really super lovely.

2. do you prefer spending your holidays in your country or travel abroad? I prefer traveling abroad. I pretty much fly to Japan every chance I get. LOL But if I were to travel with family, yes. I’d rather just kick back and relax in one of our beaches. We went to Coron last time! It was beautiful, too. But El Nido remains my favorite.

3. does your country have access to sea? Yes! We see the sea all over. (laughs over XV joke)

4. favourite dish specific for your country? Oh, boy, oh boy. I gotta name three of them.1) Kare-kare - I guess?? It’s our version of curry but it’s so different from any other curry. It’s peanut-based, normally soupy, with boiled vegetables and (typically) ox tongue. I love my mom’s take on it. Very thick sauce and very peanut-y. * W * She uses normal beef parts bec I dont eat ox tongue.2) Lumpiang Shanghai - this is probs taken from Chinese cuisine but still. Very Filipino in its own way. Always see it in parties. I LOVE IT.3) Adobo - The #1 Filipino dish, probs. I think there’s no “XXX tastes Filipino Food” video out there that doesn’t include this. Every household has its own take on it—white or brown, sweet or salty, soupy or not. I LOVE IT A LOT. Brown, sweet, and soupy, please.

For desserts, I fuckin love leche flan, ube (purple yam) and pichi-pichi.

5. favourite song in your native language? I fucking love “Ang Huling El Bimbo” (The Last El Bimbo) by Eraserheads and “Beer” by Itchyworms. They’re my go-to karaoke songs, and are very much #hugot—which is the word we use for when we “pull out all them feels”, normally related to heartbrokenness. I’m not particularly heartbroken atm, but these songs are just so good.Lately, I’ve been hearing the song “Tagu-taguan” (Hide and Seek) by Bita and the Botflies. I hear it on the radio. I love it coz it gives me such Shiina Ringo vibes.

6. most hated song in your native language? probably that fuckin moshi moshi ano ne song. it makes fun of those japanese words :/ and any song by william revillame (an asshole gameshow host) or used in Eat Bulaga. hayyyyy :/

7. three words from your native language that you like the most?1) takipsilim - deep word for ‘sunset’2) bukang liwayway - deep word for ‘sunrise’3) ulap - lit. ‘cloud’bonus: nakakapagpabagabag - lit. ‘worrisome’ bec it felt like a tongue twister when i was younger. hahahabonus2: maharlika - lit. ‘nobility’ just bec it sounds cool hahaha

8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom? strangely, though I am Filipino, I get mistaken (by fellow Filipinos) to either be Chinese, Korean or Japanese. I guess it’s in the way I dress?

9. which of your neighbouring countries would you like to visit most/know best? I know Japan best. For sure. Haahaha. I have no other nearby country that I want to travel to.

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language? ‘pakshet’, which is just ‘fuck shit’ but said tagalog-like? XD

11. favourite native writer/poet? I’m sadly not well-versed in our native prose. See, it’s hard for me to understand my own language sometimes. :’( But I hear Ricky Lee is very good.

12. what do you think about English translations of your favourite native prose/poem? Hmm, strange. I haven’t heard of any English translations of our books, actually???? I think it’d be really cool if there were! But I guess Filipino prose/poetry isn’t popular enough to be translated. XD

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders? I think we have a lot. Like, removing the ring on someone’s finger when you weren’t the one that put it on them means you’ll get in a fight with them. (Personally, I extend it to bracelets. LOL) Or, we can’t take a shower after 3pm on Good Friday bec blood will come out instead of water. xD

14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV? No. It has very shallow comedy, or really awful flat storylines. We have really good quality films, but sadly those aren’t the ones that catch attention here. :/

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get? “susmaryosep”, i guess? (Jesus Mary Joseph) Is that considered a saying? Somehow my first thought was: “bababa ba?” (are we going down?) HAHAHA that cracks me up every time it’s used in the elevator when foreigners are around. They get this look like, “… did they really just understand each other?”

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with? I HATE that people assume when we go to other countries it’s either to be prostitutes, caretakers or maids. :/ What do I somewhat agree with……… that we’re cheerful people.

17. are you interested in your country’s history? yes, but idk where to start. I wish I’d listened more carefully back when I was still in high school or college.

18. do you speak with a dialect of your native language? No TWT I want to speak Kapampangan, which my sisters and my dad speak. By the time I was born, we already moved to the city, so, I didnt have the chance to learn it.

19. do you like your country’s flag and/or emblem? what about the national anthem? The flag, yes. The Anthem, tho there are parts that are iffy, yes.

20. which sport is The Sport in your country? Pacquiao’s boxing. specifically Pacquiao’s boxing. -_- I HATE IT. I wish we had more baseball. I’m glad we’ve been getting more into volleybal in the recent years.

21. if you could send two things from your country into space, what would they be? A Filipino treat, like Napoleones or bibingka or ube. And, an abaca fan.

22. what makes you proud about your country? what makes you ashamed? I’m proud of our beaches. They’re seriously so B E A U T I F U L— go north or south. I’m also proud of the Filipino hospitality, although I for one am not so amazing at that bec of my introvert-ness. LOLI’m ashamed of a whole lot of aspects, sadly. Like how a lot are poor, yet we have a fuckton of malls. The government is shit. (Always has been since I can remember.) Many Filipinos are racist, sexist, homophobic bastards that focus on physical wayyy too much. It’s awful. Just. AWFUL.

23. which alcoholic beverage is the favoured one in your country? San Mig or Red Horse beer, I think. I don’t like those tho.

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country? Every other nation aside from ours, I think. :/ If there’s one that sticks out more than others, maybe China.

25. would you like to come from another place, be born in another country? YES. I’D ANSWER YES IN A HEARTBEAT. HAHAHA I’d so love to be born Japanese instead. Their values really resonate with mine. Sometimes my mom, my bosses and my friends say that I’m a Japanese spirit lost in a Filipino body.

26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal? We get portrayed as the shitty English speaker who’s a maid.  I can fuckin speak in an awesome accent, thanks v much. In Japan we’re portrayed as hostesses in a bar and it really disheartens me. I don’t like it at all, but what can we do? sighs

27. favourite national celebrity? uhhhhh She’s not my “favorite” bec I’m not into local showbiz, but I really love seeing Liza Soberano. She’s so pretty (/o\)

28. does your country have a lot of lakes, mountains, rivers? do you have favourites? YES! I guess my favorite would be Taal Lake, since it’s the one I get to see the most. It’s got a volcano in the middle of the lake!!

29. does your region/city have a beef with another place in your country? uhhh I dont think so

30. do you have people of different nationalities in your family? well, technically my family’s a mix of a whole lot of races: Chinese, Spanish, Japanese. Idk if I have American blood, otherwise I’d have the blood of all our conquerors in my system? XDD

Thanks again for asking!!

[its-lifestyle]

Friendship is a matter that surely has been long debated and agonised over, yet here I am, knocking on the door for answers once again.

I am a highly introverted person with the tendency to close off my emotions to the outside world, resulting in numerous accusations of being aloof, arrogant and being an emotionless robot without a “life”. The few friends I have made were all in the same class or school as I was.

(Personally, my friendship policy is to have quality over quantity, but as of now I do not think I have either.) The people whom I regard as friends, do not seem to treat me as one. I say this because I am socially constipated, and cannot truly tell if they are using or manipulating me, or not.

Here are some situations, so please be the judge:

1. Being constantly alert in sending pictures or short videos (not more than five minutes) or messages to a group of friends (W, X, Y, Z) as supplementary information or because those things are relatable to them, yet being ignored seven times out of 10. Lukewarm responses for the other three times.

2. Inviting W, X, Y, Z out numerous times to hang out/participate in an activity, to be refused each time as they claim to be busy. Yet they post pictures of themselves doing said activity with one another on social media, a day or two later.

3. Carrying on a conversation on an interesting topic or a debate, only to have friend (B) not reply eight times out of 10, claiming they “forgot” to reply.

4. Messaging friend (A), to only receive a reply in about 20 working days, even though they are online most of the time.

5. Hesitant in offering help for small tasks (e.g. delivering documents which are on their way) when I ask, although I hardly ask for their help anyway, as I am a perfectionist. They mostly offer loads of advice – without the actions to back up their words.

A few things to note:

a. I do not call them since most, if not all, of them have expressed an aversion to it and prefer messaging.

b. As their tastes in almost everything are modern, and mine are as old as the hills, I have spent months or years researching about their interests so that I carry out conversations with them.

c. I tend to listen and give prompting responses but will express myself more freely and elaborately in debates.

d. They mostly warm up to me or speak to me when they are in need of help for a matter resolved. (They would start with innocent but insincere greetings and, after a few polite exchanges, ask me for a favour or something. After that comes the profuse thanks, exaggeration of appreciation, a few more exchanges – and then silence once more.)

Am I being selfish by not being satisfied with what I have at the moment? If this is what it means to be “friends”, I am better off without them, since that was my reality during those bleak childhood years and most of my teens.

Rather than friends, I can honestly say I prefer the company of writers and composers long dead. Alas, my family labels me as a reclusive nutcase and is in favour of sending me to a therapist (which we cannot afford, and I will lie through my teeth to).

Should I start making other friends even though all that I have made so far are cut from similar cloth, with the reasoning that all humans, being gregarious, must have a social life?

Or should I indulge in giving up the concept for now – at least until a decent human being appears – and go back to the mellifluous words and notes of the past?

Et tu, Brute?

I can see you have spent a lot of time on trying to communicate, but your approach is problematic.

The main reason you’re not connecting is that the people you talk to have different tastes than you. As friendship is based on having things in common, trying to build a friendship without such a foundation is difficult.

But frankly, your attitude makes it even harder. For example, you send texts and videos that you think will engage them, but you make it clear these don’t interest you. My dear, people aren’t daft. They can tell you’re not sincere.

Then there’s your anger and frustration coming through. While it’s a natural reaction to rejection, they will have picked up on it. And as friendship is about enjoyment, it won’t have helped.

As for the next step, seeing these people don’t want to talk to you or meet you, it’s pretty clear they aren’t interested in being friends. That’s OK because you have little in common.

A sensible approach would be to find people who do share your interests, and to engage with them sincerely. I am very curious why you haven’t taken this route as it is the obvious one.

As you didn’t see this and you say you were lonely as a child, it suggests that difficulties in connecting are a lifelong issue for you.

You ask if friendships are necessary. The answer is yes. We are social creatures and we need to connect for our mental health.

Isolation is linked directly to depression, anxiety and increased risk of suicide. As an extreme point, consider that solitary confinement is considered a mental torture for a reason.

Friendship isn’t just a matter of mental health; it also makes life sweet. And, although your letter doesn’t mention it, if you lack communication skills in other parts of your life, it’s likely you will create obstacles to career success.

If you are interested in marriage or a lifelong partnership, poor communication skills will cause trouble there too.

Therefore, I agree with your family: If at your age you lack skills in this area, it is sensible to talk to a professional.

However, you state that you will sabotage success by actively lying. I really don’t get that. As you have been beating your head against the wall for years, I strongly suggest you drop the ego and get some help.And there are lots of affordable options, including free sessions run by NGOs, so look around for sessions that suit your budget.

If you are determined not to reach out, you might try reading some books and have a go at making positive change yourself. It will be harder than working with a pro because we tend to find it quite a challenge to see ourselves clearly. Also, you may find it hard to find information that is culturally appropriate.

However, if you want to try, the basics of making friends are quite simple. You find people who share your enthusiasm, and you spend time on those activities together. On that foundation, you must also add sincerity, respect and kindness.

Once you have that in a package, you grow a friendship from there.

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