#and she thought emily was but it’s literally not 😭

[noburden]

um shes also my beloved mutual

WHY AM I JUST NOW SEEING THIS

[hotch-girl]

yes im being very dramatic but the s17 finale was the worst thing since j**d

[maraczeks]

+

[ssahotchnerr]

hiii!!! i have a little christmas hotch idea for you🥹 the bau doing the secret santa thing and you get hotch! you put alot of thought into his gift and he is so touched when he opens it🥹 the bau had done it in the past but whenever someone got hotch they didn't really know what to get him so he would always end up with a new tie or a mug that says something like worlds best boss but then he sees what you got him and his heart melts🥺 there's no established relationship but you're both pining for eachother so hard.maybe hotch also gets you and was nervous he put TOO much thought into your gift but when he sees you did the same thing he feels better about it

love your writing btw it's always so comforting<3

🥹🥹🥹🥹 thank you my sweet!!!!

when the team was choosing names, you were nearly besides yourself with nerves because you wanted to pick aaron so. badly. <333 you thought perhaps after having a crush on him forever and not knowing how to act on it, or if you should even act on it, this would somehow be an opening to introducing something more. you felt crazy for thinking this way, but crazier things have happened, so who knows???

you were hopeful, but you also didn't think you would pick him 😭 your odds weren't the greatest, choosing him wasn't guaranteed, so you were stressing big time. you found yourself literally crossing your fingers behind your back 😭

hehe BUT your heart literally did jumping jacks when you unfolded your paper and saw his name 🥹!!!!!!! you tried your hardest to not visibly react, to be as nonchalant as the others after they picked - you had to bite the inside of your cheeks to keep from smiling 🥰 but, your cheeks couldn't help but blush as well 🤭

emily, who had been suspicious about your feelings for aaron, (she's noticed your lingering stares, being flustered whenever you interacted with him, and so on) teasingly said "oh, happy with your choice?" 🤭🤭🤭😏😏😏😏

you merely shrugged in response🤭, all while avoiding eye contact with aaron and then hurrying away LOL 😭🥹 but meanwhile, aaron was stealing glances at you 👀💞 hoping he'd pick you, or you had picked him. you weren't the only one wishfully thinking 🫢

and so, the perfect gift hunting began!!! you wanted to get him something that was special, but not overly special, so you were overthinking it tons. just... what do you get your very highly attractive boss, who you've had a crush on forever.

so you decide on something that makes him feel seen 🥹 as team leader and just being Hotch, he's overlooked in a way because he's in that more authoritative role - he may be team leader, but he's still part of the 'team' if that makes sense. you wanted to give him the reminder 🥺

hehe your affection for aaron really came in handy - you've paid way more attention to him, to what he says, and more as a result. so you use that as an advantage and your gift guide 🥰 a few ideas - the coffee pot in his office stops working? you get him a new one. on the jet, he mentions how disorganized his go-bag can be, so you get him packing cubes to help sort/keep things together. aaron says there's a band he really likes and a while back he said he got a record player, you get him the vinyl <333 and to complete your gift, you get aaron his favorite candy 🥹 (which he never verbally said he liked!!! you've seen him eating it numerous times before🥹)

they're small things, but they're meaningful, and aaron is beyond shocked when he opens your gift 🥹🥹🥹 he's touched, and is taken aback (in a good way of course💞🥰) by the fact you listen. you really listen.

AHHH the smiles you give each other afterwards 🥰🥰🥰🥰 spencer is now giving his gift to jj, and your and aaron's eyes find each other 🥹 hehe hearts are practically shooting out of his eyes as his lips turn upwards soooo sweetly and you could melt right there 🥹 (and emily is just 👀 at the two of you). he says "thank you" again, one only you can hear 🥹

and if aaron were to have you for secret santa!!!! it's vice versa, he listens to you - he knows what you like, and you had no idea he listened to what you thought were silly little rambles 🥰🥰💞 he's paid attention, which blows you away because maybe, just maybe?, he feels something too <333

💞 hehe who knows, maybe you'll get a new year's kiss at penelope's end of year party 🫢 it's the start of something new <333

[voxslays]

“The leaves are changing!”

In which >>> You and your partner(s) notice the vibrant colors of the now orange and red leaves on the trees.

Featuring >>> Alastor, Charlie, Emily, & Vaggie.

(Since I am technically a day behind, I’m posting two today to catch up, sorry for the delay. 😭)

☆ Alastor ☆

Alastor is never comfortable enough around people to let his guard down. He's always high alert around others, and even by himself. Yet, feels oddly safe around you, though. He feels like nothing could hurt him when he's in your presence. It's odd. Evidently, he feels safe enough around you, because after almost a week of restless pacing at night and not getting any rest due to his paranoia, Alastor found himself dropping into sleep on your shoulder.

“Alastor, look at the leaves-“ You immediately shut up once you notice he’s asleep. Alastor remains fast asleep on your shoulder. He seems to be getting some well-needed rest, and he sure wouldn't mind staying in your presence for a little while longer. As Alastor remains sleeping on you, his body unconsciously presses closer to you for comfort, seeking out your body heat as though to soak it up. He snuggles up to you a little more, seeking your warmth and affection unconsciously. He's never been this vulnerable around anyone before. You are as stiff as a board, having the literal radio demon sleeping on you.

Alastor senses your stiffness and subconsciously presses closer to you, as though to seek a sense of safety and security that he can only seem to find while he's near you. As he presses against you, a soft, almost inaudible purring sound emits from Alastor, a sound that he was unaware he was even making. As he abruptly wakes up, he notices that he's practically clinging to you, his head nestled against your shoulder. A jolt of surprise courses through him as he quickly pulls away, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

You look out the window at the brightly covered leaves on the trees that surround pentagram city. Alastor follows your gaze, and his expression shifts to one of mild confusion as he notices you staring out the window. He clears his throat, still trying to recover from the embarrassment of having unwittingly dozed off on your shoulder.

He clears his throat once more. "It seems I… dozed off.” He says, trying to downplay the fact that he had actually slept on your shoulder, seeking comfort in your presence. “Yeah…uhm…” You trail off. Alastor notices the awkward tension in the air and decides to quickly change the subject. "Well, I suppose I was rather tired…" He trails off, still feeling self-conscious about his vulnerability.

He clears his throat again, looking anywhere but at you as he tries to find something to say, anything to fill the silence. "I… appreciate your patience in dealing with my… err, brief slumber,” He says finally, unable to bring himself to directly mention that he had dozed off on your shoulder. “It’s no problem really. Alastor nods curtly, still feeling a bit embarrassed. The fact that he'd slept on your shoulder, unconsciously seeking your warmth and comfort, was something he never thought he'd be capable of doing.

☆ Charlie & Vaggie ☆

“So…what are we gonna dress up as?” Charlie asks, still holding onto you as her hands wrap around you and Vaggie’s arms as she sits inbetween you. Vaggie rolls her eyes, setting her phone down and getting up from the couch. “We're not dressing up.” Vaggie says, putting her foot down. “But Halloween is this weekend, we have to dress up for it!” Charlie exclaims.

“We could go as the Heathers…?” You suggest. Charlie's eyes light up, already loving the idea. “Oh my God! Yes! I love that play! And I call being Chandler!” She says while jumping up and down excitedly. Her eyes glimmering with delight. “Well red is your color.” You say. Charlie beams, and Vaggie can’t help but chuckle. “As long as I don’t have to be McNamara,” she says.

Charlie nods quickly, loving the idea. “Yes! Perfect! We’re settled! We're doing our Halloween as the Heathers!" Vaggie smiles at Charlie's enthusiasm and shakes her head lightly in amusement. "Yeah, it sounds like it's gonna be pretty fun. We'll have to find some outfits and maybe grab some accessories. But we've got time to get everything ready before the weekend." Charlie squeals in excitement at her girlfriend's comment. 

You look outside to see the leaves of hell changing from their normal dead black color, into beautiful shades of orange and red. “Guys look!” You point to the window. Charlie and Vaggie both turn their heads, observing the world outside the hotel. The leaves of the trees are changing color from green to shades of orange and red. Vaggie rolls her eyes. "Really? Leaves?”

“They're beautiful.” You state. Charlie smiles softly, feeling the warm, fuzzy joy swell in her chest. “You're right. It is beautiful.” Vaggie’s annoyance slowly subsides with the sight. Even she can’t deny the beauty of nature in the fall season. “We have to stop and smell the roses every once in a while.” You comment. 

Charlie nods, absolutely agreeing with you. "Exactly! It's important to take time to appreciate the small things in life. Like the changing of the leaves or the scent of fresh rain. The sound of birds chirping in the trees. All these little moments make life so special." Vaggie grunts softly, still pretending to be annoyed but enjoying the little display of affection. The three of you spend the rest of the fall evening cuddled up by the fire.

☆ Emily ☆

You walk with Emily through the beautiful gates of Heaven. She skips along beside you, her wings fluttering with sheer joy. She giggles softly, her silver-tipped head tilting inquisitively as she gazes up at you. "Isn't it wonderful here?"

“It is.” You agree, her contagious laughter making you let out a few giggles as well. *Emily nods eagerly in agreement, her eyes shimmering with childlike awe. The serene landscape and radiant light of Heaven seem to bring out a profound sense of tranquility in the young angel. With each step, she hops lightly, her dress swaying gently in rhythm with her joyful gait. 

Her eyes glimmered with excitement and awe as she looked around, taking in the view of the leaves changing color and crunching underneath her feet. She would occasionally pick up a maple leaf and play with it, spinning it between her fingers or watching it dance in the breeze before letting it fall to the ground. She smiles and looks over at you. “Do you like the leaves?”

“Of course. They’re beautiful…Just like you.” You flirt. A bashful and giddy smile spreads across Emily’s face as her cheeks take on a subtle blush. She playfully twirls a strand of her blue-tipped silver hair around her finger, clearly elated by your compliment. Her eyes sparkle with delighted joy. It’s as if your words had enchanted her.

"You really think so?" Emily asks hopefully, her gaze turning bashful yet curious. Her wings flutter gently behind her, a soft hum of pleasure escaping as she waits for your response. At your confirmation, Emily’s smile grows broader, and her face turns a deeper shade of pink. Her wings flutter a little faster behind her in excitement and gratitude, making a soft, humming sound as she skips a little closer. “Thank you.” She says softly as she twirls a lock of her soft white hair around her finger.

[not-your-bro]

what i did and didn't (but mostly didn't) like about until dawn remake's character trait changes

hello friends and fans. i am super excited to welcome all my pals back to the latest episode of Laura Yaps About Until Dawn Remake. i've talked about the prologue here and here, and i plan on talking about other elements of the game (visuals, gameplay, narrative changes) whenever life and time allows.

before i go off about the character traits, thanks to @claarria for posting this handy side-by-side of old vs new. super helpful! i'll be using those images here.

and generally speaking, let it be known that i think the font change is so fucking ugly 💖 like god bless but it is so bad 💖💖 and they've made the layout so much less dynamic by just listing all the traits straight down, bullet point style?? it is all very microsoft powerpoint core and it sucks. anyway. onto the characters, in order of appearance.

sam

off topic but very importantly, how did they fuck up sam's face THAT bad?? ballistic moon sapped the life out of her and now there is literally nothing behind those eyes. HOMEGIRL WAKE UP 👏👏

one trait change here: adventurous -> brave. not wrong, but super redundant, because brave is one of the character stats in the menu, so like. at any point when i'm playing her, i can pop in the menu and see exactly how brave she is. it's pointless to put it here.

chris

one change: methodical -> loyal. and honestly. this one slays i can't lie. like yeahhhh 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

i know everyone loves to hate on chris now, but he pushes to help sam even when it puts himself at risk and he goes to the shed to get josh even though josh just traumatized the hell out of him lmao. boy is loyal asf and i'm more than happy to see it replace methodical.

jess

big changes here. i'm not jazzed to see confident go. i always thought smg included it purposefully, because this is how jess is trying to come across, even though she's actually insecure.

and imo trusting fits her far better than, say, driven. based on em's comment about her grades (and the fact that jess doesn't deny it lmao), i don't think she has much drive or ambition at this point in her life. she's always struck me as the kind of person who doesn't have a big dream or passion, and as high school graduation approaches she would feel sort of aimless? like she doesn't know where to go next.

i don't mean these as negatives, btw. jess is a top 3 ud character for me. i just don't think she's driven. and i think she is irreverent. and that's fine. 💖

emily

one change: persuasive -> forthright. like sam's change, this isn't wrong. emily is definitely forthright. but i don't like that we're shifting her further from mike (more on that later), and this change makes her use of words seem less purposeful. like she says what she wants just for the sake of it, instead of: she knows what to say to get people to do what she wants.

matt

matt's trait changes make for a much different impression. motivated and ambitious have been swapped with obliging and dependable, which shifts the focus from himself to others. we're drawing attention to an agreeable, go-with-the-flow personality, rather than the fact that he's got big dreams for himself (get that scholarship, bud).

i'm not sure i'm the biggest fan, because it kind of makes him seem like a doormat? it's possible that he never talks to emily about how she treats him, and he does film the prank on hannah even though he doesn't seem like he would. still...i guess i wish there was more of a mix here. he can be obliging and dependable, but he doesn't have to be, depending on your choices, and this really makes him feel like everything he does is for the sake of others.

mike

i appreciate ballistic moon pulling these shots back a little - some of them were really, like, up the character's nose lmfao. but bro those traits are unreadable against mike's skin 😭😭

anyway, mikey gets a complete overhaul. i've been over brave with sam. it's a waste of a slot. and it's not that mike isn't driven or charismatic. i mean, he is definitely charismatic, given his popularity in fandom. even i have this feeling of 'man, i should not be charmed by him' <- is definitely charmed by him. but i think we're losing a lot by separating him from emily, with whom he used to share 2 out of 3 traits (intelligent and persuasive). i always thought that said a lot about why they would be drawn to each other and start a relationship - but also why that relationship wouldn't last.

if i were to give mike any new trait, it'd probably be impulsive, which i think is a great fit for him. mike may be intelligent, but when it comes to decisions, he's a man of action - a doer, not a thinker. which is just as likely to lead to a bad outcome as it is a good one.

ashley

one change here (forthright -> sensitive), but god does it fucking suck. SENSITIVE?????? be fr. is ashley sensitive or is she traumatized nonstop for eight hours? she was upset when she was chained to a wall and thought she was going to die! when she thought her friend died! when she thought her other dead friend's ghost was trying to communicate with them! when she was put in a life-or-death trap a second time! that sure was sensitive of her!

if i could revert only one trait change, it would be this one. 0/10.

josh

must be said that josh's shot is much better in the remake. it could not have been worse, like i will never understand how anyone looked at that half-closed eye and open mouth and was like yeah that's a good first impression LMAO. so, cool with that.

tbh i also like josh's trait changes? this is another total overhaul, but honestly, at the risk of getting booed offstage, i'm happy with this. if i'm being real, complex was always a waste of a slot. like...yeah? i hope so? all of your characters should be complex to some degree. it feels like a weird shade to the other characters to point out one guy, specifically, as complex. so the rest of them are simple, then? 🤨 it's not that i would argue against josh being the most complex - i do think he is (though i realize my stance on that means little because i'm up this man's ass). it's just weird to draw attention to it.

as for the other traits, yeah, josh is thoughtful and loving. for sure. but i feel like these are sort of...level 2 traits. ykwim? and the new traits are level 1. if you hung out with josh in a casual way, in a group setting, remake traits would be more likely to spring to mind, to match that initial impression. i think you'd have to look more closely or spend more time to clock that he's thoughtful and loving, because outside of his sisters, i don't think he's particularly straightforward or overt in the way he conveys those things, and he wouldn't draw attention to them. maybe i'm leaning too hard on the version of him i've fleshed out in my mind, but josh is the kind of guy who would, like, remember one offhand comment matt made about liking a specific brand of beer. months later, at the next lodge trip, it's there in the fridge, and josh says nothing about it. but he remembered, and he got it. that's josh's brand of thoughtfulness. in my opinion.

none of these six traits are wrong, i just think the new ones are better 'first impression' traits for him.

[sethsclearwater]

weird thought but i went in to get my iud and my friends found out how that worked and were SHOCKED, imagine one of the boys finding out how you got your iud and looking at you like you’re crazy and asking all these questions bc you went through all that 😭

"why are we whispering?" paul asked as he stepped into emily's cottage, his question coming in response to emily almost immediately shushing him when he stepped through the threshold of her entryway.

"she literally just fell asleep, let her sleep for a little bit before you wake her up. she's been having cramps all morning," she explained, also keeping her voice quiet as she stirred some honey into the raspberry tea she had just finished brewing for you.

"cramps? she said she just had to go to the gynecologist," paul started, peeking around the corner into the living room to see your sleeping figure curled up on the pullout couch with one of emily's quilts thrown over you.

"to get an iud," emily added, figuring you would've explained what was going on a little better to your imprinter but apparently not because paul's eyebrows furrowed as he turned his attention back to emily who pulled out a chair at the table to sit for a few minutes while she waited for the tea to cool a bit.

"why would that give her cramps?" he asked, coming to sit in the chair next to her so they could continue their whispering.

"did she not explain any of this to you?" emily asked, muffling her laughter when paul shook his head, clearly clueless about what was happening, "that's a pretty painful procedure, paul," she explained, quietly laughing again when paul immediately looked guilty.

despite the fact that you'd told him you didn't need him there when you got the iud inserted, he definitely felt like he should've been a bit more pushy when it came to being there for you after knowing how painful the whole thing was going to be.

"she's gonna have cramps for a few days but she'll be fine. do you wanna bring her the tea? she was asking for you a little bit ago," she suggested, sliding the steaming mug across the wooden table to your imprinter who gladly took it with a nod.

"thanks em," he shot her a quick smile before he was getting up so he could bring the tea over to you. despite how big he was, he managed to be pretty quiet as he stepped over to the pullout couch, setting the mug down on the side table before he sat down on the bed next to you, "hey princess," he murmured, gently running his hand up and down your side soothingly to see if you'd wake up a bit for him.

sure enough, you let out a quiet whine before you were reaching up to blearily knuckle at your eyes, "paul," you breathed out a sigh of relief, rolling over so you could rest your head in his lap.

"you okay?" he asked, deciding again bombarding you with questions about why you didn't give him all the details on your iud before you actually had the procedure done.

you hummed, eyes falling closed again as you settled in his lap, "not great," you mumbled, already beginning to drift off again as you slid your hand over his lap to interlace your fingers with his free hand.

paul let out a soft sigh, leaning down to press his lips to your temple, "you wanna go back to sleep?" he asked, already knowing the answer so he helped you tug the quilt up a bit so you could get comfy before drifting off again.

"you're staying here, right?" you whispered, cracking a tiny smile when he squeezed your hand.

"i'll be here as long as you want me princess," he reassured, soothingly running his other hand up and down your side again as you drifted back off.

[asukiess]

i just wanna say thank you for filling the eminath tag. you're a blessing 😭😭😭

do you have any eminath or ml fic recs?

!!!!!!! thank you, that means so much 🩵 glad you and others have enjoyed!! it’s been really nice to see more traction in the tag.

always open to hearing more from people about eminath, or the women separately, too. 🫶💞 love talking about them 🥰

as for fic recs, let’s start with the Emilie ones…

thirteen by okayanna (anna-scribbles)

truly the quintessential thesis on the relationship between Emilie and Adrien and the ramifications of his childhood, as well as a truly thought provoking fleshing out of the ghost of a presence we know.

would that I could, I’d bookbind this fic, annotate it, and have it on my shelf. literally when am I not talking about thirteen.

Orbital Departure, Lose it in the Morning, Watership Down, all by bittersweetResilience

Three fics that play with unique concepts such as Adrien having twin telepathy and a soul bond with Félix, a trait shared once with Amélie and Emilie, and the family dynamics between these pairs of twins.

Could never say enough about the attention and detail Sunny brought to these characters at the time. I think about Orbital Departure all the time.

(just check out Sunny’s Emilie tag, is what I’m saying.)

What Real Human Beings Do by nemali

Amélie is the main character here, but boy 👏 do 👏 we 👏 see 👏 the beautiful scars Emilie has left on her sister. and how better to understand a character than their twin?

and for the eminath section…

in the mouth of the sun by telmes (archekoeln)

I remember reading this and being in awe. it was like reaching into the past (2020!) and finding someone who saw the same beauty in the ship and feeling so understood. love love LOVE their writing style (just READ that summary!! UGH!!!), and I need to do a dive into their other nathalie-centric fics.

On the same note, I just found their fic “you push me down” in my bookmarks too and literally teared up remembering it.

she doesn't need me, not like I need her by azalera

i love a good, sentimental story. it may seem simple, but there’s something about it that I just think about often.

I’ve been meaning to read their fic, “hello, emilie” as well!

bread and oranges by peachcitt

need to do a proper reread of this because I feel like I read it in a trance. 🫶 getting emotional all over again. AUGH

As for me—I have a Nathalie character analysis fic that I’m proud of, and quite like the eminath poetry I did. Maybe you’ll like “for the hope of it all”, too 🥰

[healmydesires]

forever in your eyes (j.m)

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: It wasn’t like you hadn’t dated before. You had been on plenty of dates since you’ve been in Jackson, too many actually, you’ve even been in a semi serious relationship, but unfortunately, nobody had really charmed their way into your heart like they were supposed to. You’ve never been in love, always thought that falling in love wasn’t meant for you. Until one day, you meet a certain grumpy man.

genre: fluff + romance + angst + smut (18+ mdni)

word count: 15k+

tags/warnings: age gap (reader is 27, joel is in his early 50’s), takes place post s1, very minimal use of y/n, soft!joel tbh, kinda shy!reader… at least with joel, flirty joel, joel deserves to be loved, assumed unrequited love from both sides, reader described as shorter than joel, mutual pining, inexperienced/virgin!reader, unprotected sex, piv sex, loss of virginity, soft!dom joel, sub!reader, vaginal fingering, oral (f!receiving), joel has high key an oral fixation, kinda pleasure!dom?, multiple orgasms, creampie, some breeding kink, overstimulation, size kink, joel is huge… literally packing oof, lots of pet names (darlin, sweetheart, angel, baby girl, etc.), reader has a sister (named emilie, so if that’s your name I’m so sorry 😭😭😭 you can imagine another name then 🥺. I didn’t want it to be y/s/n because that would be so annoying to write imo).

a/n: this is my first joel fic. this is kinda more soft tbh… might be a bit oc? I don’t know but I love it. It’s pretty self indulgent !!! I’ve always loved writing but I got a lot discouraged in the past, giving up on it. I was inspired to start writing again by some of my favourite writers @joelmama and @joelscruff. also english is like my third language so please be nice/gentle with me. do not give me unsolicited advice pls <3 anyways! I hope you enjoy it 🥺

please don’t forget to interact, reblog or let me know if you read/loved it! <3 thank you ily 🥺

AO3 ● playlist

You knew you had feelings for Joel Miller. You’ve always liked and cared for him, even when you first met.

You still remember the day you met him. Clear as day.

It was such a warm and beautiful day, like a year and a half ago. The sun was beaming down on you as you were reading a book that you found on one of your trips outside Jackson — on your front porch of your house. The blowing mid-summer wind was hitting your face, cooling, as if to apologise for the almost unbearable heat that Jackson was currently subjected to. The soft breeze was caressing your skin and hair making the heat a lot more bearable as you enjoyed the day.

You were so immersed in your book that you didn’t hear the people approaching you until there was a shadow descending over the pages of your book. Someone was standing in front of you, their body blocking the sun.

“Yes?” You said with a smile without looking up from your book.

“I would like to introduce you to some people.”

The voice belonged to Tommy. Tommy Miller.

Your eyes widened at that, and you looked up from your book and saw that there were two other people behind Tommy looking down at you.

“I’m sorry,” you said before you cleared your throat, giving them a sheepish smile before standing from your lounger, shielding your eyes from the sun to get a better look at the strangers in front of you.

A teenager gave you a polite smile as she introduced herself. As you gave her your name in return you finally noticed the man next to her, gave you a curt nod when you locked eyes with him. He had a broad build, dark eyes and brown peppered hair. You assumed he was around the age of fifty and you couldn’t help but find him incredibly handsome.

“This is Ellie and my brother,” Tommy smiled as he gestured to both people next to him. “They’re your new neighbours.”

You knew Tommy had an older brother but you didn't know what you had been expecting. Maybe someone less handsome. As you continued to take him in you realised you were staring. You felt your body becoming more warm as you felt him stare back at you.

“How’s it going? I’m Y/N.” You gave him a small smile as you stepped forward to extend a hand out to the man.

"Hello," he repeated your name with a deep southern accent, which did nothing to calm your racing heart. You don’t think you’ve ever heard a voice that attractive in your entire life and it made heat flood to your cheeks. His hard expression melted into a more soft one as he took your hand in his. "I’m Joel, how’s your bench going?”

Your eyes widened at his words, “My bench? How did you—”

“We saw you through the living room window earlier this morning or more like Joel did.” Ellie, the teenager said with a huge grin on her face.

“Ellie.” He warned under his breath. His ears turned red and the two of them began to argue in hushed whispers, but your mind was elsewhere as panic began to set in.

Oh my god. He noticed me?

You grew embarrassed as you realised that he saw you struggle to fix that old bench on your porch. You’re painfully aware of how clumsy you are and that you’re not handy at all but you don’t like to ask other people for help. It was not because of your pride or any of that sort, you’d hate to burden someone else with your issues, so you mostly keep trying to fix things yourself.

"Oh yeah..." You said, looking back towards the bench that has been the bane of your existence these past few days. Your words effectively pulled Joel and Ellie out of their current argument. "It's a bit broken and needs some fixing."

Joel just looked at you for a moment before speaking up again. “You know, if you want, I could come check it out?”

You felt your cheeks heat up again at his offer and you glanced over at Tommy. “Uhm…”

“We both used to be contractors back in the day, so if you ever need anything repaired or something built, we are your people. Well… Joel specifically.” Tommy laughed.

“Oh, that’s cool. I think I’m good for now though, I don’t need any help but thanks for offering.” You declined politely with a small smile. You knew you could use their or his help with repairing the bench, but you didn’t want to burden anyone. And the older brother was already making you feel flustered, you didn’t want to make a fool out of yourself when you just met.

“Alright, you know where to find me if you change your mind.” He gave you a small but genuine smile before the three of them walked away from you.

As they walked away, you released a breath you didn't realise you were holding. The hammering of your heart only registering as the distance grew between you. You felt a bit of disappointment once they were gone, a sense of longing setting in your heart as you thought about the tall and older man that you know you’ll grow to care for.

—

“God damn it. Work with me please.” You grumbled as you tried to fix one of the loose wooden planks of the bench. Sweat was dripping down your forehead as you concentrated on your task at hand. You were on the floor, crouched underneath the bench you were so desperately trying to repair. You’ve been trying to put it off for a couple of weeks now but you knew you couldn’t keep doing that. You knew you should ask someone for help but you didn’t want to give up just yet. Curse words wouldn’t stop leaving your mouth as you struggled. “Fuck.”

“I didn’t take you as a girl that could curse like a sailor.” A low and deep but still soft voice resounds behind you.

“Ah shit!” you gasped as you heard the voice behind you. You’d smacked your head on the edge of the bench when you’d startled at the sudden intrusion. You recognised that voice. Joel Miller. The man that’s been consuming your thoughts for weeks now. You hissed as you rubbed at the already sore spot and landed on your butt as you looked up at him.

The bemused expression morphed into one of concern as he crouched down to your level. “Are you okay?” He replaced your hand with his own, making sure there was no visible injury.

His touch made your body turn hot as he continued to study you.

“Yeah I-I’m fine. Although, I do think it will be a nice bump later.” You chuckled. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that, it’s not good for my heart.”

“And your head,” he said as a grin replaced the one of concern. You were glad to be sitting because that smile has been making you weak in the knees lately. Ever since you’ve been introduced you’ve been talking and hanging out here and there, finding out that the man can smile sometimes. You’re not entirely sure why he felt so at ease around you but you were truly grateful that he was spending time with you. (It might be for the fact that Ellie grew fond of you and loved to ask you a million questions whenever she was around.) He had the prettiest smile you’d ever seen and it lit up his whole face, you truly wish he would smile more. Subconsciously you started biting your lip as you admired him.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” He questioned with a chuckle as he looked at the state of the bench next to you.

Your face grew warm as you moved to focus your gaze on your hands. “I’m fine.” You whisper softly as you continue to look at your hands in your lap.

You heard him sigh before he took your chin gently in his hand to tilt your head back, making you look into his eyes.

“You know it’s okay to ask for help sometimes?” He said as he studied you intently. It was hard to maintain his eye contact, your face heating up more under his intense gaze and because of the close proximity of both of your faces.

His brown eyes stared into yours and you couldn’t help but find them the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever looked at. Your eyes flitted all over his face, not being able to stay in one place. You couldn’t get over how handsome he was. His head tilted to the side and he gave you a questionable look. You felt embarrassed as you realised you hadn’t replied to him yet.

“Sorry,” you bit your lip nervously as warmth spread even more to your cheeks. Your eyes moved away from his face to a spot behind him as you stared into the distance. “I just don’t want to burden you.” Your voice sounded so small and squeaky that you cringed internally. Embarrassed, you quickly drop your gaze to your lap.

“Oh, Darlin’,” he said gently, his expression turning more soft. “Sweetheart, you could never be a burden.”

“I’m sorry,” you bit the inside of your cheek as you tried to keep yourself from getting emotional. “I didn’t mean to… I just— I just always feel like it’s best I do everything myself all the time because I don’t want to annoy anyone with my problems.”

You’ve always been someone to wear your heart on your sleeve. You’re a very sensitive person and very in tune with your emotions most of the time. People saw you as a very caring and helpful person but when it came to your own things you mostly tended to yourself. You’re aware that most people aren’t like you, at least not anymore ever since the outbreak happened, but you didn’t care. There’s strength in sensitivity.

“You could never annoy me,” Joel frowned. “especially not when it comes to you struggling to do something on your own.”

You weren’t used to people caring for you the way you cared for others. So when Joel reassured you or took the time to hang out with you, you couldn’t help but feel appreciated.

His reassuring words gradually eased your anxiety. You let out a long sigh before looking up at him again. “O-okay, I-I think… I might need your help.” You stutter, hoping he didn’t catch it but he smiled at you warmly instead.

Shit, he’s so pretty. Come on, forget it. He could never have feelings for you.

“Good. Because I’d love to help.” He winked at you with a crooked smile.

Warmth flooded your body as you stared at him, you couldn’t help but feel flustered around him. You’re certain that your heart is running two hundred miles per hour, because it felt like it was about to burst out of your chest.

It’s just a silly crush. You told yourself.

—

Turns out, Joel Miller, your hot new neighbour, could be very handy.

He was able to fix the bench you've been fighting with for weeks in less than an hour. You were truly impressed.

As he brought back the supplies he used to repair the bench back inside to your supply closet, you couldn’t help but want him to stay a little longer. Besides, you wanted to thank him for being so helpful. You’re relieved and so grateful that the ‘demon bench’, as you had called it, was now fixed

“Thank you for helping me out, Joel. It means a lot to me.” You said as you smiled up at him as you both walked towards your front door.

“Oh darlin’ it’s no problem. I loved helping you.” He said with a grin. He moved closer, making your breath hitch which made him smile even more. “You can ask me anything. Whenever you need.” He winked and you felt your insides melt at his words and his actions.

“I-I want to be able to thank you. Give something in return for your help.” You smiled shyly at him.

“You don’t have to do anything for me sweet—”

“Please, let me make you dinner. It’s the least I can do after what you did for me.” You cut him off as you looked up at him with wide eyes. “Ellie is welcome too!” You added nervously when he took a bit longer to reply.

He snorts softly at your words before clearing his throat. “Ellie isn't in tonight,” he says as he avoids your gaze for a few seconds “she’s at this girl’s place she hangs out with a lot. So it’s just me.”

“Oh that’s okay! I’m sure she can join us next time.” You flashed him a bright smile. “But, I’d love to make dinner for you tonight… if that’s okay?” You asked with pleading eyes.

He chuckled fondly at your expression as he shook his head with amusement. “Of course. I’d love that.”

You felt like you were going to burst out of excitement. Internally you’re screaming, kicking with your legs like a schoolgirl thinking about her crush. You really loved spending time with the man.

Joel followed you back inside as you quickly disappeared down the hall and into the dining room that’s connected to your kitchen. You saw him admire the walls of your dining room from your peripheral view as you’re rummaging in one of the cupboards of your kitchen for a cutting board. Most of the paintings were either more abstract gradient paintings or heavily inspired by the Impressionism art movement.

“You have lots of paintings. They are very pretty.”

“Thank you. Some of them are made by me or my sister.” You smiled genuinely as you made your way back to him.

“Really?” He asked curiously.

Your smile turned timid as you looked up at him, Joel's inquisitive look making you even more shy.

“Yeah… we both love art. Especially making our own sometimes.” You cleared your throat with another bashful smile, before looking down at your shoes.

“Is your sister…?”

“Is she alive? Yes” you finished his question. “She lives here in Jackson with her boyfriend actually.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah. I’m truly grateful to have her in my life.” You told him. “She’s my best friend.”

“That’s beautiful” he nods at you as a small smile graces his features. You can’t help but feel yourself get more warm at his soft expressions. He’s so beautiful. “How did you two find your way to Jackson?”

“It’s a long story. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this but, originally my sister and I weren't from here… the USA I mean.” You told him.

Joel’s eyes widened at your words. You giggled at his expression.

“We are originally from Europe, I was still very young when the outbreak happened. I was around? Seven years old. We were in San Francisco when it happened and my sister and I haven’t really moved from that place for a long time ever since everything went down.” You said as you walked back to the kitchen.

“Christ. That’s very young.” He said, he looked shocked as you told him as much as you wanted him to know.

“Yeah but Emilie was four when it happened.” You said as you bit your lip.

“It must be hard being trapped in a foreign country. Especially when you’re a child.”

“Yeah… My parents eventually died when I turned eighteen. So it was just Emilie and I for a long time. One day a couple of years ago she went outside the San Francisco QZ and I hadn’t heard from her for a long while. I just… I had to look for her, she’s my sister, she means everything to me. I would literally travel through this whole country just to find her. I always felt like I needed to protect her. I’ve always been very overprotective of her, just like I know she is with me.” You chuckled as you shook your head with amusement at your previous words.

“Overprotective huh?” He said as he flashed you a grin as he came to lean against a wall close to you.

“Yeah,” you giggled. “I am the big sister but sometimes it does feel like she’s more overprotective than I am.”

“Your sister seems very nice. I do understand her being overprotective though.” He smiled as he leaned closer to you.

“Oh really?” You bit your lip as you continued to prepare everything for dinner.

“Yeah, I mean you’re a precious little thing so I do understand her overprotectiveness.” He muttered.

Heat rose up in your face at his words. You couldn’t look up at him, feeling too flustered to look him in the eye. Your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest as you kept repeating his words in your head. He thought you were precious.

Was that flirting? No. He would never flirt with you.

“Y-you think so?” You question shyly, still not meeting his gaze.

“Uhuhm” He hummed softly, “I don’t only think that, it is so. You’re very precious.”

“O-oh.” You were at loss for words.

Joel chuckled, probably because of your flustered state, before he noticed you struggled with the ingredients. “Let me help you sweetheart.”

“No, it’s okay.” You said. But as most people knew, Joel was a stubborn man.

“Darlin,” he looked at you pointedly, letting you know that you wouldn’t be able to stop him from giving you a hand.

“I’m making dinner for you, to thank you. You shouldn’t be helping me.” You huffed as you crossed your arms in front of your chest. You’re aware you probably look like a child but you can’t help it. Dinner was supposed to be made by you, and only you.

“Oh angel, being in your presence is rewarding enough for me.” He says as he leans closer to your ear.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach at his words. The sound of his deep voice close to your ear, and the feeling of his breath against your skin, made you fight the urge to shiver.

Joel smiled playfully, eyes looked down and locked with yours for a couple of seconds. The close proximity made your skin set on fire. He could lean down a bit more and then his lips would be on yours. You slowly pulled back, clearing your throat while you did.

“A-a-anyways.” You stuttered. You hated stuttering, you never really stuttered but somehow this man could turn you into a flustered, stuttering mess. His smile widened at your state which made you want to run and hide. You decided to change the subject. “I had to go through some states to find her and eventually I found her. Then we travelled together through Wyoming and then some people from Jackson surrounded us and that’s how we got here. That was almost a year ago.”

“So… You are pretty new here?”

“Yep.” You said as you smiled at him.

It was silent for a moment as both of you were preparing everything for dinner. Until your eyes widened at the realisation that you hadn’t offered him anything to drink yet.

“Oh shit, sorry. I can’t believe that I haven’t offered you something to drink yet.” You said as you abandoned your current task, running towards another supply closet, looking for something good for the both of you. “Give me a second.”

You could hear Joel chuckle, knowing he was probably looking at you with an amused expression on his face. You were looking for a specific bottle of red wine, your favourite, the ones you always keep for special occasions. Once you found it you couldn’t help but squeal excitedly. “Aha! Here it is!” You smiled triumphantly as you held it in your hands.

You were grinning widely as you came back into the kitchen. “I’ve got some red wine, I hope that’s okay.” You said as you placed down the bottle on the kitchen counter.

“More than okay.” Joel smiled.

You beamed up at him and opened one of the cabinets, you stood on the tip of your toes as you struggled to reach for some wine glasses.

“Fuck,” you muttered to yourself. “Why did I put those glasses so high and so far in the back?”

“Let me,” he chuckled softly as he stepped behind you, his body pressing softly against yours. Your breath hitched at the action and warmth spread all over your body. You mentally cursed yourself as you felt a heat pool between your legs. Different kinds of scenarios started going through your head as you felt his body pressed against yours. You wished his arms were wrapped around you as he stood behind you. But one of his arms extended over yours as he reached for two glasses easily. “Here they are.” He whispered as he leant down to whisper close to your ear.

You truly felt as if you caught a fever. He’s so close and so big. As his chest brushed against your back you felt as if your brain short circuited for a second. He was so broad and tall while you were so much smaller than him, he could quite literally swallow you whole with his frame.

You felt his body slowly retreat from yours, giving you the possibility to collect your thoughts again.

“Show off,” you grumbled teasingly, warmth still filling your chest and face.

Joel snorted, shaking his head amused. “You’re just tiny.”

You gasped dramatically, turned around and feigned offence at his words. “Am not!”

“Sure you aren’t.” He teased, a grin forming on his face.

You giggled at that, “you’re just awfully tall.”

“Right.” He nodded along to your words, tried to look as serious as he could, he tried to stifle a grin and you could see right through him.

“I am right.” You pouted.

“So am I.” He retorted playfully, a loud laugh left his lips as you continued to pout, before he took a step closer to you.

Your cheeks warmed, but you tried to hide your embarrassment by crossing your arms and sticking your chin up in the air. Huffing you turned around, “get back to work Mr. Miller.”

“Yes ma’am” he said in mock seriousness as he went back to making dinner with you.

“You’re so silly,” you giggled as you teasingly bumped your shoulder against his arm. You went to open the bottle of wine before pouring some of the liquid in both glasses. Once the glasses were filled you held a glass out to him.

“Only with you darlin’,” he gave you a wink before he took the glass from your hand. Flushed, you tried to ignore the way your heart skipped in your chest when his fingers brushed against yours.

This man is going to be the death of me.

—

Dinner was very nice. There was lots of banter, lots of words exchanged from Joel that felt awfully like flirting but still you tried to push those thoughts away. He wouldn’t flirt with you. You’re pretty certain of it. The tension sometimes was killing you though. You think it was sexual tension but then again that would be impossible because he wasn’t flirting with you.

But you also noticed that the more you hung out with Joel the more relaxed he was around you. You loved that for him. Underneath all that rough exterior he has so much depth to him. He’s very caring, protective, helpful, funny, and so intelligent. He’s so sweet to you too, you didn’t know why. But all you knew is that you care for him so much. You felt comfortable around him too, safe. You couldn’t help but associate him with warmth, safety. Home. He felt like home to you.

Empty plates were still on the table and for a while you were enjoying the comfortable silence between you two. Eventually you broke that silence.

“The wine is so good.” You whispered as you looked at your wine glass then brought your gaze softly to the man sitting across from you. He seemed like he was lost in his thoughts, staring off in the distance as he looked through the window outside towards your garden.

He brought his gaze back to you as he heard your voice, he cocked his head to the side. “Hmmm what did you say sweetheart?”

“It’s good right?” You ask as you motion with your head to the drink in your hand.

“You’re not wrong. It’s very good.” He nods with a soft smile.

“It’s my favourite,” you flashed him a grin before you took a generous sip of your wine, the liquid burning down your throat.

“Oh really?” He questioned with a curious smile.

“Yeah, I keep them for special occasions.” You said as you bit your lip, feeling bashful.

“Is that so?” Joel’s smile turned into a full smirk as he looked straight into your eyes. “I am assuming this is a special occasion then?”

You hummed your agreement, shrugging your shoulders with faux nonchalance as you continued to bite your lip. Warmth was overwhelming you. Not only because of the alcohol you consumed but that man always made you heat up.

“I’ll consider that as a compliment.” He said as he leaned back in his chair.

Excitement bubbled inside you. Feeling bold, you winked at him. “As you should.”

He was visibly surprised, Joel didn't expect you to finally flirt back. You giggled at his reaction, pleased to see that you could surprise him.

You stood up from your seat with a smile as you took the empty plates from the table, bringing them to the sink.

As you’re about to turn the faucet on you heard him stand up from his chair. He muttered your name, his voice coming out a lot deeper than usual. Fighting back a shiver you slowly turned around to look at him. Your eyes were wide with curiosity and your heart was pounding so hard you could barely hear over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. He looked at you, a desperate expression on his face.

“Darlin’,” he said, his voice hoarse as his dark eyes continued to hold your gaze. For the first time of the night you couldn’t fight back the shiver from going down your spine. Heat flooded your body, your cheeks burning, the warmest you’ve ever felt them.

Joel must have noticed the way your body was reacting to his voice, as he dragged a low shuddering breath at the sight of you.

“Joel?” Your breath turned heavier as you waited for him to say or do something. Your wide pleading eyes stared into his hungry eyes. He continued to stand there just looking at you, his chest moved quicker as he breathed more heavily. Your heart pounded so fast and hard that you were worried that he could hear it from across the room.

Your eyebrows pulled together as you stared at him, your eyes shining with curiosity. You waited with bated breath for Joel to say what he was meant to tell you. He looked at you desperately before he moved from his spot, striding towards you but before he could reach you, someone barged through the door of your home with a loud bang.

“Hey! I knew I’d find you here.” Ellie yelled without looking at both of you. Once her eyes settled on both Joel and you her mouth fell open. “What’s happening?”

You were breathing heavily as you looked at Joel. Eventually you brought your gaze to the teen. “N-nothing, Ellie bean.” You stuttered out quickly, moving away from the kitchen towards the younger girl. “We just had dinner.”

Her eyes widened, “without me?”

Your face flushed with embarrassment before you turned around to look at Joel. “I thought she was at—”

“I’m assuming you told her I wasn’t home tonight, right?” Ellie cut you off, raising one of her eyebrows as she looked at him.

Wait what? Did he want to be alone with me?

Joel swallowed and then avoided both Ellie and your gazes. “Alright.” She snorted.

“I think it's better if we go home.” Joel finally spoke up, before walking towards Ellie. You feel yourself deflate at his words and you can’t help but feel a bit disappointed.

“O-okay.” You whispered, looking down as you entwined both of your hands nervously.

Ellie looked at you with sympathy before glaring up at Joel. “You’re so stupid.” She grumbled under her breath as she gave him a shove as she made her way to the front door.

“Ellie,” he warned her.

“You are.” She sneered.

Joel sighed deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He dropped his hand before looking at you. “Thank you for dinner,” he said with a small but grateful smile.

“Thank you for fixing my bench on the front porch,” you gave him a faint smile. “I enjoyed spending time with you.” You said as you looked away timidly.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to thank me.”

You bit your lip as you avoided his gaze. He said your name softly before he held your chin gently with one of his hands, tilting your head towards his face which made your eyes lock with his own.

“I always enjoy spending time with you.” Warmth rose to your face at his words. He gave you a warm smile before releasing your chin.

You walked with him towards your front door, leaning against it as you tried to say your goodbyes to each other.

“I really enjoyed tonight.”

“Me too.” You said as you bit your lip.

“Goodnight darlin’.” He said with a barely noticeable smile before he walked out your door.

Your eyes met Ellie’s waving at you from in front of your porch. You return the action with a small wave.

“Goodnight.” You whispered before you closed the door behind them. You rested your back against the door, exhaling a long breath you realised you didn’t know you were holding in.

—

You were in too deep.

As months went by, you were more and more aware of how strong your feelings were beginning to grow for Joel. So strong that they were starting to terrify you. Not because you didn’t want to have these feelings for him, no that was certainly not it. You just never experienced feelings this strong for someone before.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t dated before. You had been on plenty of dates since you’ve been in Jackson, too many actually, you’ve even been in a semi serious relationship, but unfortunately, nobody had really charmed their way into your heart like they were supposed to.

You’ve never been touched intimately before, never had sex either. You knew how inexperienced you were but so far, you just hadn’t found someone to be worthy of your time.

You’ve never fallen in love with anyone before. And these new feelings were truly scaring you. For so long you were so certain that you’d never fall in love with someone. That falling in love wasn’t meant for you. That those feelings would never exist for you. The apocalypse hadn’t made things easier either so it wasn’t like falling in love was an option for a long time. But now that you’re relatively more safe, it was a possibility.

It was so much easier when it was just a crush, or an infatuation, despite the fact that you knew that crushes usually wouldn’t make your heart swell so big or your lungs feel so tight when you think of them or see them. But now, it’s a lot harder to pretend that it’s not more than that.

You always dreamed of the day you’d finally fall in love but now that those feelings were here they made you feel like you wanted to run and hide.

You’re not sure you’d be ready to confess those feelings to him any time soon. You were quite certain that they would be one sided, so you’d prefer to keep those to yourself. Because why would someone like him ever see you the way you see him, the way you feel for him. You were a lot younger than him, around twenty years or so. You’re twenty seven. So it seemed impossible for you that he could regard you in the same way you did.

So you decided to do just that, keep them a secret. And you were completely fine with that, with your feelings remaining completely unknown to anyone but yourself.

Or so you thought.

—

On a beautiful warm spring day, you decided you were going to indulge in your favourite hobby. Drawing.

You’ve always loved art, specifically, you loved sketching. If it wasn’t for the fact that the world ended, you’d like to think you would’ve studied art or tried to become an artist.

You were pretty good at it actually, not to sound too full of yourself. But with the way things were, your skills weren’t at their full potential. And besides you didn’t like to tell most people, keeping it a secret because you were always too shy or embarrassed to show people your talents. So you sketched as much as you could in your free time.

You loved to draw all sorts of things, nature, still life, animals and sometimes, people. But on top of your innocent drawings you also had a specific secret sketchbook that you only drew in when you were certain you were alone.

This sketchbook was dedicated entirely to indulging in your massive crush on Joel Miller. (Okay, crush is an understatement.) It was usually difficult to draw a specific person when they weren’t standing right in front of you, but you had seen his face so many times that it was nearly photographically imprinted in your mind. You would often summon his face up whenever you were alone. As many times as you could. Most of these were just his face, the sketchbook was definitely filled with several of him smiling. Some were just details of, for example, his hands or his eyes. Or even his nose or lips.

Everything about him made you feel warm inside. You would always be a flustered mess around him and it would even make you heat up when you’d draw him. Sometimes you’d have to take breaks from drawing him because you’d start getting too hot from thinking about him.

You often felt like you were doing something bad or wrong, like you were some sort of stalker when all you did was admire him.

It was a specific drawing you were currently working on, after checking and double-checking that you were truly alone. It was a beautiful day and you had the day off, so you figured what better way to spend it then by sitting on your front porch all day while enjoying the weather and sketching out what you’d seen the man do during your shared patrol the day before.

The drawing was him holding his gun as he concentrated on a target in front of him. You were so focused on sketching him as well as you could, wanting to capture every feature of him in the best way possible. You recalled his intense expression, the way his jaw clenched while he was so focused yesterday. His dark brown eyes and his handsome side profile—

“What are you drawing?”

You practically jumped and yelled as you heard the voice close to you. Hurriedly you tried to close the sketchbook as you addressed the person standing close to you. “Ellie! You scared me. What are you doing here?”

“I’m just done with school and thought I’d drop by. I kinda wanted to spend some time with you.” She smiled at you as she was leaning against the wall. The soft expression slowly turned into a more mischievous smile as she cocked her head to the side to study you. “You okay there, Y/N?”

You swallowed nervously before giving her your best smile. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well… you’re looking pretty nervous or flustered. Embarrassed even.” She said as she smirked deviously.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m perfectly fine.” You said as you tried to keep your composure.

You could never tell Ellie about the fact that you’re drawing Joel. He’s practically her father figure. Besides, you were quite certain it would make the whole situation awkward.

“You sure?” She asked as she leaned closer to you. “Could it have something to do with… what you’re drawing?”

“I— no. I mean no.”

“Hmmm.” Ellie hummed as she looked at you suspiciously.

Before you could react, Ellie snatched the sketchbook out of your hands at lightning speed.

Fuck. fuck. FUCK. Please no.

“Ellie—”

You sprang to your feet and quickly tried to grab the book back from her, but Ellie pulled it just out of reach at the last second with a huge teasing smirk on her face. Your face burned with shame.

“It’s nothing Ellie, please give it back!” You couldn’t hide the terrified desperation in your voice.

“You sure it’s nothing?” She said as she hid the sketchbook behind her back.

“Yes!” Apprehension fills your bones at her actions.

“Ah, then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind letting me take a peek at what’s inside right?” Ellie grinned dangerously as she moved the book in front of her.

“Please give it back.” Tears started to well up in your eyes as you pleaded for her to give it back.

Shit. It’s over.

As she opened the book on a random page, a gasp left her mouth. “Oh my god?!”

“Ellie, I’m—”

“You’re drawing Joel?” She whispered with wide eyes as she flipped through the pages.

You’ve never felt your face warm up this hot in your entire life. “No?” You said nervously but it came out more as a question.

Ellie said your name softly as she looked at you with a huge smile. “You have a crush on Joel?”

“I— I-I’m— uhm I don’t know, I just—” you stuttered as you tried to retrieve the sketchbook. Ellie pulled back which made you want to scream internally.

“It’s okay, I’m not mad.” Her face softened as she saw you look utterly terrified. “If anything, I’m very happy.”

“What?” You asked as you blinked your tears away.

“How could I be mad at you? I’ve always wanted Joel to be happy. He deserves that, even if he often doesn’t think he deserves that himself.” She smiled at you before looking back at some of the drawings inside the book. “They’re very beautiful by the way. I love drawing too.” She stepped closer to you as she went to put the book back in your hands. “Besides,” she shrugged nonchalantly, “he has a crush on you too.”

“Oh.”

Warmth flooded your body as you listened to her. You quickly felt overwhelmed by her words and everything that happened, you needed to sit down to process it better. You went to sit down with the book in your lap, looking down at it as you were at loss for words. It was very difficult for you to wrap your head around what she said. Joel having feelings for you? You couldn’t allow yourself to believe it. As you let her words sink in, she took a place next to you, placing a hand on your arm and giving it a small reassuring squeeze. Ellie gave you enough time to collect your thoughts and you were truly grateful for that.

You heaved out a long sigh. “I don’t have a crush.” You finally spoke up but not meeting her gaze just yet.

“What? But—”

“Saying it’s a crush is an understatement.” Your voice trembled as you finally looked at her. “I’ve never felt like this in my entire life, so it’s hard for me to deal with what I’m feeling.”

“Oh.” She said as her eyes widened. “You’re… In love?”

“I am pretty sure I am, yes.” You nodded with a small smile.

“Okay. Well he has feelings for—”

“Ellie, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have feelings for me.” You interrupted her.

“Oh my god,” she groaned as she hid her face in her hands, mumbling, “you’re both so oblivious.”

“What?”

“You’re both so stupid. So oblivious.” She groaned once again as she threw her hands in the air. “You both think that the feelings are one sided.”

“I don’t know…” you trailed off as you let yourself lean back on the bench. You’re quite certain that you’re the only one being so consumed by these emotions. You’ve pretty much made your mind up about the fact that it’s impossible for him to return any of those feelings that you have for him.

“The atmosphere when I came in the last time both of you had dinner, just the two of you, certainly didn’t look like it was one sided.”

“Barged in.” You corrected her teasingly as you bumped your shoulder into hers.

“Okay, whatever. My point still stands.”

“Ellie, that was months ago…” you sighed deeply and shook your head at her words.

“Stop. Why do you do this?” She asked exasperated.

“Wh—”

“Why do you believe that he wouldn’t have feelings for you too?” Ellie questioned as she leaned closer to you. “Like, you’re so pretty and have such a lovely personality.”

“I-I I don’t know. I just find it hard to believe. Besides,” you shrugged with a frown “I find it very hard to deal with my own emotions because I’ve never been in love before so this is so new to me.”

Her eyes softened as she listened to you. Slowly, she brought her hand to squeeze your arm reassuringly. “I can understand that. But love is a beautiful thing.”

“True…” you whispered.

“I can understand being scared, but Y/N you’re so worthy of love. Just like Joel is. I am convinced both of you are meant for each other.” She said with a hopeful expression.

“Ellie—”

“I’m serious. Just, please think about it for a while. You both deserve more than this secret pining for each other.” She grumbled at the last sentence.

“Okay I will. Can we please talk about something else now?”

“Sure.” She shrugged with a smile.

“Thank you, Ellie bean.” You said gratefully.

It’s quiet between you two, as you two sit in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying the beautiful weather and each other’s company.

“So… drawing huh?” She grinned.

—

As Ellie and you were talking about your shared love for drawing you heard someone approaching the both of you. Ellie is the first one to look up and she greets the person with a wide smile.

“Hi Emilie!” Ellie beamed as your sister stepped foot on your front porch.

“Oh, here are my favourite girls!” She said with the biggest grin on her face. Emilie brought her hand up to high-five Ellie. “Hey ravioli.” She said as the youngest girl hit her hand.

Ellie scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically. “Jeez, just because I love ravioli doesn’t mean you have to call me that. Can’t a girl love food in peace.”

Your sister doesn’t reply to the teen and averted her attention to you, greeting you too. Emilie gestures for Ellie to scooch over, before she plops down on the bench between both of you. “So what are you guys talking about?”

“Hey! That bench was recently repaired! There’s no need for you to let yourself fall on the seat like that.” You groan at your sister's silly behaviour.

“Recently? That was months ago.” Ellie counters with a playful smile.

“Ah yes, the bench that the love of your life repaired.” Emilie said with a dreamy expression.

You gasped at her words, feeling your cheeks heat up instantly. You gave her a light shove, “Emilie!”

“What?” Your sister shrugs nonchalantly, “it’s true.”

“Love of your life?” Ellie beams.

You sighed dramatically before leaning against the back of the bench. “Look at what you just did.” You gestured towards Ellie.

“Oh quit the theatrics.” Your sister rolled her eyes teasingly. “Everyone knows you have feelings for Joel except for that man himself.”

Your eyes widened as her words registered in your mind. “Everyone?” You squeaked.

“Yes, just like everyone knows that man is pining over you except for you!” Your sister said exasperated.

You shook your head frantically. “You’re ly—”

“Oh my god, Y/N.” Ellie groaned. “Wake up.”

“Yeah, lovely sister of mine,” Emilie placed a hand on your shoulder, giving you a serious look, “respectfully wake the fuck up.”

“Disrespectfully, Emilie, shut up.” You said to your sister, shrugging her hand off you. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, pouting as you still leaned against the bench.

“Why are you pouting? This is a good thing.” Ellie huffed.

“Yeah, this is a good thing. Why don’t you want to allow good things into your life?” Emilie asked, looking at you seriously.

Silence fell for some moments, before you whispered, “I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

“Yes, you do!” Both Ellie and your sister said simultaneously.

You bit your lip as you looked at them silently. You knew deep down that you deserved to love and be loved in return but it was so hard for you to accept that someone could genuinely have feelings for you. It wouldn’t make any sense, you were always used to people that were attracted to you to expect something from you that you weren’t ready to do or they wouldn’t genuinely care about who you are as a person. You knew Joel was different, he showed you enough through the past year. But somehow your mind tried to tell you otherwise.

“This is driving me insane,” Ellie sighed, shaking her head.

“Ellie,” your sister said pointedly at the younger girl before turning back to look back at you. “Y/N… you are so worthy of love. I know you’ve never experienced this type of emotion or feeling ever before, but you deserve to feel safe with someone and to love someone deeply and for them to love you just as fiercely. I know you keep thinking because of past relationships, friendships or situationships that people aren’t truly interested in you or that people don’t genuinely care for you. But, those people do exist. Ellie cares for you, I do, and I am completely certain that Joel cares for you too. You deserve to feel loved, cared for and to be happy.”

Tears welled up in your eyes at your sister’s words. You felt truly overwhelmed by everything she told you. Deep down you knew she was right, you were trying to believe her words but you knew it might take a bit of time.

“Thank you.” You whispered, tears flowing down your cheeks as you hugged her side. “You don’t know how much that means to me. It might take some time for me to truly believe everything you said but I want to try.”

Both girls went to envelop you in a warm hug, squeezing your body tight. You felt your body relax in their embrace.

“I love you.” Ellie whispered, at her words you hugged her body tighter.

“I love you too, Ellie bean.” You smiled, tears still in your eyes as you leaned your head against the crown of her head.

And for the first time in a long time you felt like your heart could breathe again.

—

A month passed and you still hadn’t confessed your feelings to the man that’s been consuming your very brain for a year. You still hung out whenever you could, but telling Joel how you felt about him still terrified you. But as time passed, you allowed yourself to believe the words your sister and Ellie told you. It was very freeing.

One thing that didn’t change though was your stubbornness. You are certain you will always hate asking people for help. Like for example, the fact that your shower head was acting up so much you couldn’t take proper showers which made you have to use Emilie’s shower at her place sometimes. Until the shower head actually broke.

That’s why a few days later, you were standing in front of Joel’s door, contemplating if you should really ask him for his help. You bit your lip as you thought about it. Sighing, you told yourself that you should just do it. As you were about to knock, the door opened.

Your eyes widened as you came face to face with Joel. Your cheeks heat up as you lock eyes with him. You know you shouldn't be flustered right now because he is the only one who can help you. And he did tell you that you could always come to him if you needed his help. Or for anything really. But somehow, you still couldn’t help but feel shy around him.

“Sweetheart?” Joel looked at you worriedly.

“H-hi?” You smiled sheepishly. “Am I coming at a bad time?”

“No, ‘course not.” He shook his head slightly, a soft smile curled upon his lips. “Everything alright?”

“I am alright, it’s just,” you trailed off as you looked away shyly. “I think I might need your help.”

Joel closed the door behind him as he kept his gaze on you. He motioned for you to show the way. “Let’s go.”

You giggled as you shook your head light heartedly. “You don’t even know what I need your help for.”

“That’s where you're wrong darlin’. A little birdie told me your shower head is broken.” Joel’s mouth twitched in mild amusement as you just gaped at him.

Oh my god… Emilie.

Your face burned once again. You couldn’t believe that your sister would tell the person you’re desperately in love with about this. You felt embarrassed, knowing that he knew about you struggling. As if he could read your thoughts, “I only know since yesterday, but I wanted you to come to me when you were ready.” He said as he looked at you, a gentle smile on his lips.

“O-okay.” You said, groaning internally at your stuttering. “Anyways, yes. I need your help with fixing my shower. I hope that’s okay?” You asked hesitatingly.

“‘Course it is. Show the way, pretty girl.” He winked, beckoning for you to move along.

He thinks I’m pretty?

—

Joel was standing in your shower as he tried to fix the shower head. He smiled as he threw you a thumbs up.

“Ah, here we go. This should work now—” Joel’s smile faltered as water started unexpectedly spraying out of the shower head. Surprised, it slipped out of his hands, dropping to the floor, the spray pointing up at him, which drenched Joel quickly.

Your eyes widened as you took Joel in. His white shirt and jeans are both drenched and sticking to his body. You could see the outline of everything. Your body turned flush with heat as you continued to stare at him. You couldn’t help but find him so hot, with his shirt clinging to his body. He grumbled as he looked down at the state of his clothes. Eventually you moved into action, “O-oh let me get you a towel!” you blurted out. You quickly made your way to one of your closets in your bedroom, rummaging for some spare towels.

“Y/N stop being such a creep.” You grumbled to yourself, embarrassed that you were staring at him so unabashedly. You’re worried that he might think you’re creepy, staring at him like he was the sexiest man you’ve ever seen. Well, actually, he was the sexiest man to you. But you didn’t want him to think of you as some sort of weirdo. That’s the last thing you want, for him to think you’re creepy. As you found the towels you were still in such a deep inner monologue while you walked back into the bathroom.

“I found the towels—” you gasp, accidentally dropping the towels on the floor as you took Joel in.

The man had taken off his shirt, most likely because he didn’t like the feel of the fabric clinging to his body. He took your breath away. As you once again stared at him you couldn’t help but let your wide eyes wander all over his chest. He was broad, he wasn’t really muscular but he had a solid build. He was strong and large, and soft in the right places. There were some scars littered over his skin here and there, as a result of the years of fighting to try and stay alive. Some hair was scattered over his body, your eyes trailing along his happy trail, eventually disappearing underneath his jeans. You felt yourself ache between your legs as your eyes continued to roam over his form, studying him with so much intensity. You were still admiring him when he spoke up.

“I’m not really nice to look at.” He mumbled.

Your heart ached at his self deprecated words. You couldn’t believe what he said. How could he think of himself so lowly? You thought he was the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. “W-what?” You said as you shook your head frantically.

“I’m not—”

“Joel Miller, you better stop bringing yourself down.” You said sternly, surprising both of you. You sighed loudly as he looked at you with wide eyes, “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand the need for you to put yourself down when you’re far from unattractive.”

Silence fell for a couple of moments. Until Joel exhaled shakily. “You-you think I’m attractive?” The man asked, he seemed so doubtful.

“I thought that was pretty obvious…” you trailed off shyly as you looked at the tiled floor between your two feet. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious to everyone else.” You chuckled nervously.

You heard him grunt softly before hearing his wet, heavy steps, as he slowly made his way to you. Joel grasped your chin gently, tilting your face towards him. You felt your cheeks burn, you don’t think you’ll ever get used to his touch. Your eyes lock with his as he looks at you desperately.

“You think I’m attractive?” He repeated his earlier question more pleadingly.

“I don’t only think you’re attractive… you’re so beautiful. So pretty. Handsome…” you trailed off as you duck your head timidly. “Sexy.” You said apprehensively, before looking away from him. “I think you’re the hottest man I’ve ever seen.”

“I think you’re beautiful as well. The prettiest little thing that has ever walked this earth.” He whispers, his voice coming out a lot deeper. “Words can not describe how beautiful you are. Inside-out.”

You felt your breath catch in your chest as you felt your body tremble at his words. You slowly looked up at him, your eyes wide with curiosity. You couldn’t help but like how he was towering over you. He was so broad, so strong. You felt your face burn, biting your lip and feeling incredibly weak as his gaze stayed locked with yours. You felt light headed at the close proximity. You could barely think straight.

He brought his hands down to your waist, holding your body close to his as he smiled warmly down at you. He whispered your name, breath hitching as he looked at you intently. “Sweetheart…”

You breathed his name softly before his lips connected with yours in a gentle kiss. You gasped in surprise at his actions, but you quickly closed your eyes as he deepened the kiss. Joel’s large hands cupped the side of your face in such a tender way it made your insides melt. Never did you think you’d ever be able to feel his lips on yours. And here he was, kissing you. Your arms wrapped around his back, your fingers digging in his back the action making him grunt. His beard was rough against your soft skin, but was so welcomed. You kissed him back just as deeply, hands stroking up and down his back in a soothing manner.

He held you tighter against his body before slowly pulling away, resting his forehead against yours as both of you breathed heavily against each other's lips.

“I hope that was okay.” He said with a gentle smile. Tears welled up in your eyes as you processed what happened, having a hard time to believe that their kiss really happened. Never in your life were you ever able to keep your heavy emotions in control. Certainly not when you were overwhelmed. His forehead furrowed, concern flashing through his eyes. “What’s wrong Darlin’?”

God, why do I have to get so emotional?

“I am so sorry I just. I feel a bit overwhelmed because I always thought you’d never feel anything for me.” You rambled anxiously and your fingers trembled as they swiped under your eyes. “If you have any feelings for me, that is.”

“Really? I thought it was pretty obvious.” He smiled gently, his hands cupping your cheeks. Softly, he brushed your tears away with his thumbs. “Especially after… you know, kissing you.” He said with a teasing lilt in his voice.

“Yeah maybe…” you shrugged with a giggle, “you do have a point.”

“I do, don’t I?” He smirked playfully.

“You’re so silly.” You rolled your eyes lightheartedly.

“Only with you darlin’,” he winked.

You felt the heat rise in your face once more. You don’t think you could ever get used to his teasing or his flirtatious behaviour.

“So corny…” you snorted as you shook your head with amusement, “you’re lucky I love you.”

You quickly covered your mouth at the realisation that those words were said out loud. Your heartbeat was beating loudly in your chest, as your wide eyes met his. You wonder if he could hear your heart practically beat out of your chest.

His breath hitched in his throat, as his eyes bored into yours. “You mean that?”

Heat overwhelmed your body, feeling as if you’re on fire. Your mouth felt extremely dry, still you tried to swallow, nodding slowly anticipating his next reaction. “I do.”

The molten intensity made you unable to look away as both of you just breathed and stared into each other’s eyes. You felt as if time stopped in that moment, your bodies so close, yet they felt so far. As he held your gaze, he moved his body closer to yours again.

“Joel—” you whispered breathlessly.

He cut you off, kissing you by surprise. Capturing all the words you were about to say. Completely shocked, your whole body froze as you felt his lips claim around yours, hands pulled your face towards his as he kept pressing his lips further, almost to the point it hurt.

All your thoughts overwhelmed your brain, disabling any rational understanding of what was going on. Like a magnet, you felt your body move closer to his, moving your hands around his shoulders as you kissed him back just as fiercely.

You nibbled on his bottom lip lightly, eliciting a moan from him. Slowly, he pulled away from your lips, to press kisses to your cheek. His lips slowly travelled all over your face. You whimper as his mouth moved from your jaw to your neck, pressing open mouthed kisses all over your neck, your hands moved towards his hair, tugging lightly at the roots.

“How long have you been feeling like this?” He questioned, his beard scratching your neck as he continued to kiss your neck. Your body trembled against his as he continued to suck, kiss and lick your neck.

“Hmmm?”

Joel groaned and stopped his actions when you didn’t reply to his question, pulling back to look at your face. You feel his stare, waiting for your response. You hadn’t realised your eyes fell closed as you were enjoying his kisses. Unhurriedly, you opened your eyes, looking right into his.

You swallowed dryly at the intensity behind his eyes, your heart beating madly in your chest. A flare of heat rushed to your cheeks as you decided to tell him the truth. How could you not? When he’s looking at you with so much desperation.

“Like… at least a half year ago?” You answered, your hesitant eyes looking into his own.

Joel groaned loudly, enveloping your lips with his once again. He kissed you with so much passion, giving you everything that had to offer. His mouth moves against yours so hungrily. As he continued to give you long and deep kisses, you felt the heat rising within you. The throbbing between your legs felt unbearable as you whimpered desperately against his lips.

“I love you too baby, so fuckin’ much.” He rasped against your lips.

A gasp left your lips at his words and he deepened the kiss even more, as he quickly took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your parted lips and swirling it around yours. You felt as if your whole body was on fire as you continued to kiss each other ferociously, your fingers raking through his peppered hair.

He grunted as he pushed your body against the wall. His arms wrap around your body, holding your body close against his. You whimpered as his lips travelled from your lips to your throat, nipping at the skin which resulted in you squirming in his hold. Your hands busied themselves with exploring his exposed back, caressing his skin.

He moved his mouth towards your ear, “you have no idea how long I’ve been dreaming about holding you.” He murmured. Joel’s lips travelled towards your shoulder while littering your skin with soft kisses. “Kissing you.” His hands wandered unhurriedly against your back, his hands eventually settled on your lower back, just above your ass. “Touching you.”

“Please,” you whined as you tried chasing his lips again, gripping his strong arms with your hands.

“Tell me what you need, baby girl.” He whispered raspily into your ear. A shiver went down your spine at his words. Joel’s voice carried so much emotion. So much desperation and adoration for you. “I love this baby blue dress on you. Although it’s really killing me right now.” He groans against your neck as his hands finally move to your ass over your frilly summer dress, grabbing a handful of your cheeks.

You felt even more wetness pool between your legs as you thought about the fact that you weren’t wearing any lingerie underneath.

You turned into a bigger whimpering mess as he kept littering your neck, shoulders and face with kisses. You felt one of his legs sliding between your legs, pressing his thigh against your exposed core.

“Fuck,” you moaned.

Joel lifted his head and your eyes caught his, his lips finding yours in a rough kiss, not wasting any time as he slipped his tongue past your lips. The man is wrapped around you completely, a hand caressing your back, the other holding your ass. Your body trembled as Joel started rubbing his thigh against your soaked core. You’ve never wanted someone more in your whole life.

“Joel,” you whined desperately.

“Tell me what you want kitten.” He groaned.

A loud whimper escaped your lips at his words. The pet name turned you on extremely. Your hips moved against his thigh, grinding against the clothed material.

“I want you.”

A string of moans slipped past your lips as Joel moved his head up to lick into your mouth.

“Pleaseee.” You whined against his lips as you rubbed your sensitive pussy against his jeans. “I need you.”

“Fuck, you’re so wet.”

“Ah!” You gasped as he picked you up effortlessly. Quickly, you wrapped your legs around his hips. The both of you continued to kiss each other passionately as Joel carried you to your bedroom. Once he reached your bed he softly placed you down the sheets.

You felt the bed dip before he hovered above you. Joel’s dark eyes stare into yours as his hands move underneath the skirt of your dress, his fingers trailing up your thigh. You felt yourself grow nervous at his touch.

“W-wait.” You whispered.

His movements halt immediately at your words. He looked at you worriedly, “you okay, sweetheart?”

You wanted him so badly and you were extremely wet but you would be lying if you weren’t a bit nervous. Everything seemed more real once his touch moved closer to your intimate parts.

You exhaled deeply. “It’s just… don’t get me wrong, I want this. I literally want you so badly, but I’ve never been with someone intimately.” You said nervously as you waited for his reaction.

“Oh baby girl,” he whispered, looking at you tenderly. “Don’t you worry about that. I will take good care of you.” He smiled as he leaned down to rub his nose gently against yours. “But, we don’t need to do anything if you’re not ready.”

“I am ready, I just don’t want to disappoint you.” You nibbled anxiously at your bottom lip.

“Baby, you could never disappoint me with this. You'll always be a good lover to me. You’re literally perfect. I promise.” Joel smiled gently, looking at you with so much adoration before he pressed a kiss to your forehead. You felt your whole body relax once his lips touched your skin. You trusted him, he was your everything.

Your lips moved to his neck before you placed an open mouthed kiss to his skin. “Please Joel, I need you.” You whispered seductively into his ear.

He groaned loudly before engulfing your lips in a heated kiss. You whimpered against his mouth as his hands started slowly caressing both of your thighs. Your head was clouded with so much lust, you felt so much love for him. Your brain turned quite literally into mush as you continued to kiss each other deeply.

You moved your hips desperately as you moaned against his lips, hoping Joel would get the hint.

“Such a needy kitten.” He chuckled against your lips.

“Only for you.” You whispered as you looked up at him pleadingly. “Please, touch me.”

“I am touching you.” He counters playfully.

“Please.” You whined desperately as you wiggled underneath him.

Moments later his lips pressed against yours again. The kiss got more heated the more you kissed each other. Your hands wander to the back of his head and you pull at some strands softly making him moan into your mouth. One of his hands slowly trailed up your thigh once again. Your whimpers came out more frequently the closer his hand moved to where you needed him the most. Once his fingers come in contact with your heat you mewl loudly.

“Fuck,” he moaned against your lips, you’re certain because he felt how soaked you were for him. “You’re so fuckin’ wet baby girl. All for me?”

You were overwhelmed with warmth, it felt like a hot storm — as he spoke those words. You nodded frantically. You were sopping wet, you managed to speak but your voice is strangled and pathetic. “P-please. T-take off your clothes.”

“And leave you in this dress? Out of question.” He chuckled as he moved the hand that was touching your wetness to your thigh.

“Who said I wanted to stay in this dress?” You said as you raised one of your eyebrows at him.

“Baby—”

“Undress me cowboy.” You smiled as you pulled your bottom lip with your teeth seductively.

“God, you’ll be the death of me.” He groaned loudly.

“My name is Y/N but god sounds good too.” You giggled.

Joel shook his head with an amused grin on his face. His fingertips find the hem of your dress and you sit up a bit. You raised your arms quickly to help him get rid of your baby blue dress.

You felt your body tremble in anticipation, as his eyes roamed all over your naked body, his eyes not being able to stick to one place. You felt your heartbeat picking up as his hands reached for your hips, holding them and pressing your body closer to his. His lips moved to ghost over your neck, slowly moving below your ear. “You’re out of this world. So beautiful.” He whispered into your ear.

His lips then crashed against yours as you gasped openly into his mouth, desire growing, and took it upon yourself to guide his hand back down to your heat. His mouth fell from yours to unleash a heavy groan into your neck at the first slip of his fingers between your wet lips.

It's very, fucking wet, more wet than you'd honestly ever been and certainly more wet than he could've imagined in his wildest dreams.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful sweet girl,” he muttered again in a very raw tone, his voice strained. His lips trail slowly down to your neck, all the way to your chest. Joel breathed in through his nose, you flush harder at his words and shivered when he exhaled warmly through his mouth and onto your nipple. “The prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen.”

That’s all you’ve been given before he wrapped his lips around one nipple, teeth just skimming your skin as he sucked and licked passionately, as he also pushed one of his fingers inside your pussy.

The whine that came out of you only drove Joel to seek out more of those heavenly sounds.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He moaned, as your pussy clenched around his digit. “I need to prepare you as much as I can for my cock.”

Your whines became louder as you felt the pleasure overwhelm you. His fingers are so much bigger than yours, one of his fingers is more pleasurable than any of your fingers.

His tongue began licking, long licks with the flat of his tongue over your hard nipple as his other hand kept pumping his finger in and out of you at a leisurely pace.

You whined as your core started clenching around his finger, begging for more. Instinctively you began moving your hips, grinding against his hand, as he groaned against your skin. His lips left your breast with a wet pop and he looked at you intensely as he continued to fuck you with his finger. You were panting heavily, barely able to think straight as he slowly slipped another finger inside you. He moved his face back to meet yours, engulfing you in a passionate kiss, swallowing all your little mewls.

“Good girl, you’re doing so well for me.” He panted against your lips.

You bucked your hips up towards his hand in response, silently begging for more. He noticed and slipped a third finger in, moving them slowly at first as your tight pussy tried to adjust to the addition. Little whimpers left your lips as he fucks you slowly with his fingers. You felt so full, you can’t help but imagine him fucking you with his cock, you’re quite certain he’s massive. His pace eventually speeds up as you move your hips along with his movements. His lips moved back to kiss you, whining against his mouth. Your hands clutched the bed sheets as you moved along with the pace of his fingers, feeling him curl them and spreading them.

“That feels good doesn't it baby? You like it when I play with your little pussy? You like me fucking you with my fingers?" Joel moaned and his thumb connected with your clit, rubbing it at the same pace as he fucked you with his fingers. You bucked your hips and nodded as you moaned. "Use your words kitten," he taunts.

“Fuck, yes. Yes, please oh my god. Joel, please.” You writhed against the sheets as you whimpered. “Please keep calling me that.” You bit your lip as you squeezed your eyes shut.

“You’re such a good kitty for me,” he said, a smug smirk playing on his face. You were impressed how easy it was for this man above you to turn you on and make a mess of you.

Joel leans his head back down, trapping your lips in yet another heated kiss. You felt your legs spread even more open for him as you felt yourself get close to your first orgasm of the night. His tongue slipped into your mouth after another gasp fell from your lips. You couldn’t help but moan, whine and whimper as he continued to pleasure you. Your hands wandered to the back of his head pulling at hair softly making him moan into your mouth.

“Fuck, I need you so bad.” He groaned as his thumb applied more pressure on your little nub. He curled his fingers forward with every penetration until your thighs shook.

“I need you more.” You whimpered as your body trembled underneath his.

His eyes stared into yours, lust and love written all over them. When he fastened his motions inside you, you moaned again and squeezed your eyes shut. A burning intense feeling, a tight coil in your lower abdomen made your back arch beneath him.

“Open your eyes for me, my baby.”

You opened your eyes slowly, looking straight into his eyes. His intense gaze was what it took for you to come undone. The hot feeling spread all over your body, your body tingled, your hips moving at their own accord against Joel’s hand.

“You’re doing so well for me angel,” He said proudly as his fingers slowed down, slipping out of you to rub your slit softly, still helping you ride out your orgasm.

As you came back to your senses, you felt his fingers slip away from your heat. You felt your pussy clench around nothing every now and then and were dripping down the sheets, which made you whimper helplessly. You needed him so bad. And now. Joel climbed off the bed, making quick work to remove all of his clothing. You were still in a daze, closing your eyes for a minute. Moments later you felt the bed dip.

You felt your legs being spread further apart with his strong hands. A loud broken moan left your lips at the feel of his mouth meeting your soaking wet pussy. He dove between your legs, licking a stripe up through your folds and teasingly dipping his tongue into your entrance before he travelled up to your clit, spreading your lips with his wet muscle and sucking your button into his mouth.

You practically screamed at his actions, arching your back slightly off the bed once again. You felt your body trembling terribly. You needed more. You tried to grind your wetness slowly against his lips as your body continued to shake.

Strong arms were suddenly locked around your thighs, securing your hips with his biceps, holding you still despite your attempts to grind your pussy against his lips.

“You taste so good, baby girl. I could eat this pussy all day.”

You felt heat overwhelm your senses more as you felt Joel chuckle against your heat. His tongue was lapping sloppily at your lower lips. Squeaky, senseless noises came out from your throat. You were squirming, it was so good you could barely even figure out what he was doing with his tongue.

“Fuck, Joel baby, oh my goooood” you cried out loud. You were certain that if people walked outside your house that they would have heard you by now. He sucked lazily at your clit while he moved to slip two fingers into you. Joel eventually sucked harder on your clit, still occasionally swirling his tongue around your little bud while moving his fingers inside you a bit faster. You kept chanting his name between moans as you now hold onto his hair with both of your hands.

“Please, I’m so cloooooose.” You whined.

As Joel sucked your clit harder, you gasped loudly as you felt your whole body trembling even more and then you felt your body tense as you came against his mouth. Your whole mind felt like exploding and all you could see were stars. You felt truly overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure and emotions you were experiencing. Your body continued to tremble as you felt yourself come down from your high.

You felt Joel’s tongue still licking up your pussy as he retreats his fingers from your pulsing hole. His mouth felt heavenly, but you whined at the sensitivity. He moaned as he licked against your tight hole, licking up your release, his tongue prodding your entrance.

“T-too much.” You whimpered at the overstimulation.

Joel ignored your pleads, moaning against your heat as he continued to eat you out. The man you love so much that was between your legs kept sliding his tongue up and down your sensitive slit. Your little mewls and other noises spur him on, to move his lips back up to your clit. He sucked the nub softly between his lips. You were grinding your hips against his face as moans kept spilling off your lips. This time he didn’t hold you back from fucking his face. Eventually he leaned down, slipping his tongue into your entrance, he curled the muscle upward to brush your walls, the sight of your fingers bunching the fabric of the sheets in a tight grip encouraging him to do it again.

You were a mess of his name, you chanted his name over and over again. Your hips moved against his face as you continued to whimper and moan breathlessly underneath him. Writhing below him, you felt him lick up and press against a sensitive spot inside that had you seeing stars, while your hips bucked against his face uncontrollably. Defiance and greed consumes your thoughts, your fingers once again gripped onto his peppered hair rather harshly and hips pushed against his face to shove his tongue deeper into your hole.

“Ahhh Joeeeeel—” you drag out. You were really so close, you just needed one more little push.

“Come for me kitten,” he whispered against you, before plunging his tongue back inside you as his thumb came up to press against your little bundle of nerves. That does it, your dam broke down as you came against his mouth as your whole body wouldn’t stop trembling. You came with a loud whine, your hips stuttering as your vision turned white. You cry out his name, your voice unable to remain steady. Your fingers were tightly woven through Joel’s hair and your hips pushed so far against his face, you almost thought you were suffocating him.

“You’re always doing so good for me baby, I love you so much my sweetheart.” Joel whispered against you. As you slowly came down to reality again and you tried to catch your breath, you heard him praising you softly while he continued to lap at your wetness gently, until you whined because the overstimulation was getting too much for you. You Nudged your leg against his face as you tried to squirm away from him, Joel’s mouth finally detached from your heat.

He quickly licked the wetness off his lips and the places he could reach before he crawled up to you with a smile, to kiss you deeply, cupping your face in his hands. You moaned at the taste of yourself against his tongue, your eyes fluttering against his skin while you kiss, his wet beard against your face, your arms wrapped around him to pull his body closer against yours. You sighed, against his mouth, you felt yourself melt in his embrace already. You can feel his soft mouth smiling against yours, as the kiss gets more heated.

Soon your hands start to grip his body tighter against yours, your legs tangling together. It's like you're both starved, this insatiable hunger for each other.

You couldn’t help but roll your hips against his to feel his cock. It turned slick as you kept grinding yourself against him, and he had no trouble gliding his hips against you and rutting it into your clit.

“Oh, fuck” Joel rasped, and it was because he reached down and grasped himself to line up between your lips and slide. He kept rubbing the head of his cock from your entrance, up to your clit, circling until you squirm underneath him, and back down. He loved the sounds you made as he spread his precum around your slit, where you are still dripping for him.

You gasped openly into his mouth, desire growing quickly. You quickly realised by the way he felt while he rubbed against you that he was huge. You were still so wet, but the thought of him finally entering you with his big cock made you wetter. Joel swallowed your whines with his lips against yours, hips rolling against yours. He kissed you full with fervour, his grip on you intensifying heatedly.

You were trembling against him, filled with anticipation. His broad body covered your body with his. Loving how bigger and taller he was than you. You writhed against him, wishing he was just in you already and filling you up and making you see white.

“Are you ready for me darlin’?” He whispered as he looked deep into your eyes. “Let me know if you want me to stop and I will.” He promised.

You bit your lip and nodded, too shy and excited to talk, as you rubbed your pussy against his dick.

“Fuck,” he grunted, “I need you to use your words kitty.”

“Yes,” you whispered breathlessly.

“I’ll try to go slow at first, okay, sweetheart?” He said before leaning back down to kiss your lips again, he reached down and grasped himself to line up between your lips and slide. He rubbed the tip firmly over your swollen clit then moved down to your wet tight hole and your mind was all over the place.

“P-please J-Joel…” you stuttered as your body trembled even more underneath him.

He rubbed himself up and down your slit for a while longer before one of his hands lean down to spread your outer lips sliding his dick teasingly around your core. You arched your back slightly and whimpered loudly out of frustration.

The moment you want to beg him again he leaned down to line it up with your entrance. Your legs trembled underneath him, a mix of nerves and excitement. Joel slid the tip in so slowly it was agonising. Your lips part with a gasp. He was careful, like he was afraid you might break. You let out a long broken whine as he gradually pushed more of him inside you. You whined at the stretch of him. He was so big. You thought big was an understatement, he’s huge. Your tight pussy clenched around him as it tried to accommodate his massive girth. Joel continued to push more of his cock inside you. He leaned down to kiss your lips gently as he moved more inside, hoping the sweetness of the embrace will soften the sting.

His hips stilled once he heard you gasp loudly. “So full…”

“Do you think you can handle more?” He smiled tenderly as he looked down at you.

“T-t-there’s m-more?” You stammered with wide eyes.

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly.

“Please,” You closed your eyes and whined as you nodded. You gripped the bed sheets between your fingers as you begged him for more.

“Good girl,” he groaned softly. You thought there wasn’t a possibility to get more wet but as he said those words you felt your heat get sopping wet. Your pussy continued to pulse and clench around his cock as he moved deeper inside you.

Once he bottomed out, you felt his tip kiss your cervix. Joel let his body rest against yours as he allowed you to adjust to his size. You felt so full, as if he was made for you, and only you. The feeling of him filling you up so completely had you seeing stars and digging your fingernails into his shoulders.You felt one of his hands finding your hand, lacing them with yours as the other one reached up to your face.

His breathing was heavy as you squeezed his cock repeatedly. Small whimpers left your lips as you squirm underneath him.

You needed more.

You slowly opened your eyes to look up at him with pleading eyes. “Please, Joel.”

“My sweet girl needs me to move?” He asked teasingly, as he cocked his head to the side.

“Yes, please.” You begged as your pussy clenched around his thickness rather hard which made him moan. “I need you to fuck me so bad.”

He licked his lips before he nodded quietly and started moving slow and deep, one hand reached down to play with your clit, while the other held your hand tightly. The sting was hurting for a while, but it easily morphed into a more pleasurable feeling as he moved against you. You’re so overstimulated from all your previous orgasms that the sensation he was giving you is mixed between pain and pleasure.

He grunted as he dropped his head to your ear to kiss and lick at the sensitive skin just below it.

“Such a tight pussy,” he groaned.

The angle was so good, but when his pace picked up he finally leaned down to wrap his arms around you, the action made you gasp and you grab at the sheets around you, to fuck you harder and faster.

“You’re taking me so well, baby. Doing so so, good for me. Y-you’re so perfect.” He whispered as he nuzzled his face against your neck.

You whimpered as his lips moved back up to your lips, enveloping them in a passionate kiss. At a certain point you felt the end of his strokes slide into a pressure point in your core that has you clenching like a vise around his dick. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head from the pleasure he was providing you. A loud noise like nothing you’ve ever made escaped your throat, a strange cry of his name.

“Feeling good sweetheart?” He grunted, a small smirk forming on his lips.

His mouth covered your own instead as he swallowed your mewls, you could feel the tightness return in your belly, the tight coil that pulled tight, tight, tighter. His lips slid away from yours, wet and swollen and his breathing harsh as he tried to suck in air again, and everything was too much. It was just too much for you to handle.

He quickened his pace, his hips snapped up to yours to a fast tempo. “This pussy was made for this cock, isn’t it, baby girl?”

His hands couldn’t get enough of you, sliding around your hips and lower back, wanting to feel all of you, touch you everywhere. You moaned at the feeling of his speed, your fourth? orgasm of the night, coming so close. Your arms wrapped around him and your nails dig in his back making him groan. The feeling of the coil tightening in your belly, tingling down to your legs, ready to snap at any moment.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, cursing under his breath when you purposefully tighten your walls around him. “You look so pretty when you’re stretched around my cock, Christ I bet you’d look so pretty full of my cum too.”

“Please…” you moaned as you thought about him filling you up. “Please Joel, fill this pussy up.”

He groaned as he buried his face into your neck as he fucked into you, making the whole bed rattle at his force.

“You want to cum sweetheart?”

You nodded frantically at his words with your eyes closed as you bit your lip harshly. He brought one of his hands down, rubbing your clit with enough pressure to ensure you’d cum.

“F-fuck fuuuck, Joel-Joel, oh my god. I’m going to—!”

“Cum for me, my pretty angel. Let yourself go. Cum all over me.” He moaned against your ear.

Your whole body trembled as you came with a loud cry, your body squirming underneath his as you held his body closer to yours, your nails digging in his back, scratching it. That time around, the orgasm felt more intense than the others, you were feeling so overwhelmed by the pleasure. Joel groaned in your ear as your walls spasmed and pulsed around his cock, begging him to cum inside, desperate for him to fill you up the way he promised.

“Fuck,“ he moaned, pushing himself up as he thrust deeper into you, the head of his cock hitting your cervix repeatedly. “You want me to fill this pussy up? Until it’s all full and messy?”

You nodded vigorously at his words, whining even more at the sensitivity. Your pussy squeezed around his cock in anticipation. “Please…”

He groaned loudly, as he cummed inside you. The warmth of his seed filled you up and spread within your walls. You whimpered at the feel of his cum dripping out of you.

Once both of you caught your breaths, Joel leaned his forehead against yours before kissing you tenderly.

“Please… stay.” You moaned softly.

“Of course baby,” he whispered before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Want you to stay inside.” You whimpered as your pussy clenched around him.

Joel groaned, wrapping his arms around you before rolling both of you onto your sides. “anythin’ for you, baby.”

“I love you Joel.” You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, enjoying his strong hold on you.

“I love you too sweetheart. You’re everythin’ to me.”

Both of you continued to caress each other’s bodies, whispering sweet nothings, kissing and holding each other until you both fell into a slumber.

Joel caught your heart, promising to hold onto it forever.

[cedarwoodtears]

anything u wanna say abt until dawn?? it can be hcs, theories, whatever comes to ur mind :)

not to be creepy but i wanna hear you yap abt until dawn 😭

HI ANON so sorry im sick so i slept in. its not creepy at all dont worry hehe ill gladly talk about this stupid game all day!!! honestly its all gonna be random hcs not much correlation whatsoever

• mike is NOT a gamer. especially fighting games oh lord as much as he tries he just cannot. he’s like a permanent noob. i fear even a 90 year old grandma can match his level…doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy those games! just that he sucks at it. whenever he plays with chris or josh it’s like watching a murder unfold infront of your eyes….it’s brutal. but i mean hey with having two amputated fingers you can’t blame him. he’s surprisingly good at rhythm games though. when you think of mike i doubt you think of osu or pjsk but god DAMN he’s weirdly good.

• chris is everyone’s go-to tech support guy. your phone is being slow? your computer isn’t working? can’t figure out where your file went? just ask and he will 99.99% of the time help fix it. not before teasingly calling them old teehee he tries to explain how to prevent it from happening again but he uses all these technical mumbo jumbo terms it flies over most peoples heads. mike likes hearing chris ramble about all that though, even if he doesn’t understand it he thinks it’s adorable…(chris x mike is REAL ITS REAL!!! still calls him a dork though. always he always will. because it’s true and mike loves him for it.)

• i ideally imagine sam’s room to be the MOST comfortable place on earth. like there’s always some candle going, cute little plants everywhere, warm tones, fairy lighting, fuzzy blankets, like it’s just a room you’d feel so safe in!!! and oh my god does she always have the best snacks. movie nights at her house go CRAZYY it’s literally the ideal spot. the gang get together every so often and have them, but sam really goes all out with the snacks and drinks and decor!! josh gets a $5 entry fee just because hes josh hehe (not really but i like to imagine josh is always like “i owe you one!” when it ends..he pays in kisses and cuddles)

• jessmatt is REAL their potential relationship dynamic is so cute!!! i feel like mike is definitely not the right guy for her, matt is more mellow which imo suits her better. him and emily are cute but….idk. all i know is matt would be an absolute sweetheart to jess, like he’d spend hours looking for perfects gifts for her and remind her of how beautiful she is inside and out constantly….always admiring her and hyping her up whenever she gets insecure….i can’t sobs she’s just as sweet back to him. jess isn’t that into sports but you best believe she will ALWAYS cheer him on in football (sometimes matt gets embarrassed from how loud she does…..) and she always has some little treat for him after he wins.

• ashley having such a creative and talented mind…not only can she write, she loves pottery and painting and occasionally knitting…everyone has a handmade gift from ash somewhere in their house. and it’s not like a quick little thing no she takes her TIME!!! and it always comes in a box with a pink bow and a heartfelt note attached to it!! she is just so babygirl. always so thoughtful and imaginative her room is full of posters and her own art and it’s all so colorful and BEAUTIFUL!!!! and oh so humble she tends to downplay her skill like girl you just wrote the most gut-wrenchingly divine well-thought out absolutely incredible piece of fiction and she’s like “it’s not the best 😓” and everyone is like “ash what the hell do you mean this is the best thing i’ve EVER read”

• josh and sam….ough….ough my heart💔❤️💔❤️……as much as sam was traumatized and by everything that went down and is still somewhat hurt by his actions, she’s still there for josh. still holds him close and comforts him, still tells him it’s all going to be okay, still lets him know he’s loved, still kisses his forehead and runs her fingers lovingly through his hair….sobs so loudly AHHH!! of course they’re still pranksters to each other. the amount of dumb pranks josh pulls on her nothing is safe hehe he’s always scheming. his favorite is the whoopee coushin because it’s so dumb and incredibly unfunny it actually physically pains her while he’s laughing his ass off fucking in HYSTERICS over how unamused she is…little does he know sam’s got some tricks up her sleeve too…

• emily’s closet is UNMATCHED!!! her habit of spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes has only furthered but no one can lie she is just…amazing with dressing. she loves going clothes shopping with the girls and somehow always manages to find something that they all love!! she’ll help the guys too but….eh…..not really her cup of tea (men’s fashion that is). she’s made up with jess and they’re friends now, but emily will always stay emily and make her sharp, witty comments about everyone and everything teehee. she is so caring and kind deep down though, and an even better friend to get advice from!! just don’t ask her how to save money better ahem she can’t help with that 😅

• also mike went back and got wolfie. they’re best friends mike has hundreds of photos of him literally just sitting. being cute. half his posts on instagram are wolfie. he has so many damn nicknames for that wolf it’s crazy he’s already forgotten like half of them. wolfie could literally tear apart his house and after awhile of him being mad he’d be like “but he’s so cute….i can’t stay mad at you bud who’s a good boy” mike your couch is unrecognizable he is NOT a good boy for that 😭❌🙅‍♂️

[allisluv]

hey! i was wondering if you could possibly do an emily prentiss and reader thing, literally anything, maybe some fic or headcanons about dating in secret? if not thats, okay have a lovely day!

anon i am a sucker for the wlw secret dating trope!! i hope this is what you were looking for and feel free to send in more asks whenever you’d like <3

• so first off, i wholeheartedly believe emily is big on physical touch— holding hands under a table, interlocking pinkies in crowds, sitting close on the jet with your knees touching. it’s subtle enough that the rest of the team don’t notice (or pretend they don’t, anyway).

• if hotch sent you to different locations during a case, emily would check in whenever she gets the chance. it’s not done in a possessive way, i just think she’d constantly be fretting, even if she knows you can take care of yourself. she’s just always looking out for you and vice versa.

• although i said physical touch is emily’s love language, i think shes also really big on acts of service. like having a cup of coffee ready in the office if it’s an early start or carrying your go-bag, even when you insist you can do it yourself. and derek would be the biggest tease about it. “where’s my special treatment prentiss?” and she’d just glare at him over her shoulder and he’d crack up 😭

• everyone in the team is quite close so i don’t think it would be out of the ordinary for emily and you to be ‘best friends’. in fact it kinda works in your favour— you can spend time together and no one bats an eyelid.

• communicating without words would probably be the nail in the coffin that tells the team you two are more than friends. you can have full on conversations without speaking, and while that is not uncommon for profilers, it’s different with you two.

• emily pretends to have such a stoic “no one is able to hurt me” mindset but it just melts away with you. she doesn’t like getting close to a lot of people but it’s hard when you’re so likeable.

• in the end, it’s her adoration for you that gives it away; she’s regularly checking in to see how you’re doing, she listens attentively (even if no one else is interested in what you’re saying) and you’re the first person she looks for when she enters a room.

• when you finally tell the team, you’re expecting a reaction but they all just kinda sit there like smug idiots— “is that it? 🤨” vibes and garcia definitely slumps in her chair in relief and is like “thank god, i thought i’d have to lock you in a room before you admitted it.”

[lcandothisallday]

auston leaving the arena and noticing you and your friends waiting outside to meet the players or sum and he’s literally like love at first sight and starts flirting and gets ur number 😭 lmao for us realistic toronto girlies obvs - ⛽️

hehe obvs😋❤️ thanks for feeding into my delusions🥰 Auston Matthews x f!reader

You stood next to your friends, your hands in your jacket pocket as you shivered from the cold. It was near the start of the season and the weather in Toronto was getting colder by the day--fitting for the sport, but not for you as you stood outside the arena in hopes of meeting the players.

"Guys--I don't know if it's worth it anymore--"

"Y/N I don't think you get it," your friend Emily started. "If I don't meet Mitch Marner before I go back to BC--I'm gonna dig my own grave," she said with such seriousness in her voice--yet her teeth were also chattering from the cold. Emily had moved to BC soon after she got her masters and she was only back in town for a little bit for her mom's birthday and to watch the game.

She was a huge fan to say the least. Growing up watching the NHL and even playing for her local girls team. Unlike you--you had only got into it recently, never having that same influence while growing up.

"You can't reason with a girl in love," your other friend Olivia mused with a laugh. You merely roll your eyes and dig your hands further into your pocket.

"I just don't think they're gonna come ou--oh my god," you breath our, your jaw dropping as you see two men resembling Mitch and Auston in the distance coming out of a back door.

"Oh my God!!" Emily screeched, jumping up and down. "Miiiitchhh!"

Mitch being the ever sweet golden retriever he is, excitedly walked over while Auston begrudgingly dragged behind him with a sigh. He was tired, his body aching from a harsh slam he took and all he wanted was to grab dinner with Mitch at their favourite restaurant before going home and collapsing into his bed with Felix by his side.

Mitch with a wide smile, approached Emily, feeding off of her excitement as he spoke to her and entertained her with a selfie.

Meanwhile, Auston was about to let out an annoyed breath when his eyes wandered over to you, unable to tear his gaze away. He was captivated by your beauty, your warmth radiating even in the chilly evening air. As Mitch continued chatting with Emily, Auston excused himself, making his way toward you where you stood off to the side watching your friends interact.

"So you're not a fan of Mitchy's?" he teased in question playfully, causing your eyes to widen in panic.

"Oh no I--I am!" you stutter in defence, your cheeks burning up at the accusation. "I'm just a new fan and didn't wanna seem like...a fake one," you admit bashfully, looking away.

Auston smirked, his confidence radiating off of him as he watched you squirm. If he was honest, he thought it was adorable and he loved how sincere you sounded.

"You didn't grow up with the game I'm assuming?" he asked, wanting to know more about you.

"Yeah...my parents are from a hot country...hockey is probably the last sport they'd be interested in," you say with a laugh. "So that's why my knowledge is limited."

He laughed and gave you a slight nod. "Well, you don't have to worry about that with me," Auston replied, leaning casually against the wall next to you. "I won't judge you for being a new fan. In fact, I think it's great that you're getting into the sport."

You couldn't help but feel a mix of nervousness and excitement as Auston continued to flirt with you. His charming smile and the way he effortlessly carried himself made it hard for you to resist his charm.

"Thanks," you replied, trying to hide your growing smile. "You're a lot more cute in person," you breathed out, your cheeks heating up immensely at your admission.

Auston's smirk widened, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Oh, so now we're moving on to compliments, huh?" he teased, his voice laced with playful sarcasm. "Well, I have to say, you're not so bad yourself. Actually, you're more than just cute. You're downright stunning."

Your heart fluttered at his words, a blush spreading across your cheeks. You had never expected Auston Matthews, a professional hockey player and known heartthrob, to flirt with you so openly. It was an exhilarating feeling, and you found yourself getting caught up in the moment.

As you go to respond, Mitch walks over and interrupts. "Hey--I made the rounds. We can go now."

You reluctantly tore your gaze away from Auston, feeling a mix of disappointment and anticipation for what could have been. Mitch's interruption reminded you that this encounter was likely just a fleeting moment, and you had to make the most of it.

"It was nice meeting you," you smiled.

Mitch looked between the two of you with an amused smirk and a raised eyebrow, catching on to the flirty tension. "Wait--aren't you gonna introduce me to your new friend?" he teased.

At that, Auston's eyes widened. "Shit--I never caught your name," he pointed out with a bashful smile. Mitch rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Y/N," you giggled in response.

"Did you at least get her number?" Mitch asked, Auston shaking his head no. "Dude! It's like you have no game!"

"I was working on it!" Auston exclaimed.

Mitch scoffed and shook his head in feign disappointment as he snatched Auston's phone out of his hand, unlocking it and opening up his contacts. "No clearly you've lost your skills and I gotta be your dating coach now," he continued to tease, before he handed the phone to you to put in your information.

You continued to giggle as you did just that while Auston blushed madly.

As you entered your name and number into Auston's phone, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement. Mitch's playful teasing added to the lighthearted atmosphere, and you found yourself growing more comfortable in their presence.

"There you go, Auston," you said with a mischievous smile as you handed the phone back to him. "Now you can call or text me anytime."

Auston's cheeks turned a deeper shade of red, but he flashed you a grateful smile. "Thanks, Y/N. I'll definitely be in touch."

Mitch raised an eyebrow and nudged Auston. "See, buddy? It's not that hard."

Auston rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of amusement in his expression. "Yeah, yeah, Coach Marner. I'll try to step up my game."

You looked off to the side, noticing your friends were now the ones waiting for you. "I think I've gotta go...like I said, it was nice meeting you," you smiled, taking the courage to step forward and press a light kiss to his cheek. "You guys played amazing tonight," you say softly and with sincerity.

As you pulled away from the gentle kiss on Auston's cheek, you noticed a flicker of surprise in his eyes, followed by a genuine smile. "I'll text you."

"I'll hold you to it, Matthews."

[fridaynightmassacre]

literally just want a emo boy x coquette!reader 😔

emo boy doesn't know it but he's quite popular with the girls bc of his pretty face and his long messy hair, and the piercings on his face and his tats on his body makes the girls fold but they never actually interacted with him and the reader is like very quiet, not popular bc she just transferred, just in her little pink world until emo boy is like seated next to her??? anyways they talk blah blah blah become friends and then they both eventually start to like each other. ANYWAYS reader invites emo boy over to her house to HANG OUT and/or play some games or something and then emo boy out of nowhere starts flirting with reader, making suggestive jokes or whatever. you can finish the rest, I am absolutely sorry if this was confusing or what not, it sounds so much better in my head 😭

ANON. YOUR BEAUTIFUL BRAIN.

length: roughly 2.4k words

“Yeah, he’s like..” Emily, your closest (and currently only) friend had said to you before cutting herself off to glance across each side of the essentially empty hallway, shooting you a glance she smiled deviously. Leaning in slightly and pushing up the bridge of her short oval glasses, Emily continued to speak, albeit in a much more hushed tone.

 “He’s like this totally emo guy, the whole package y’know? That spiky shaggy hair and dark clothes, and his face is all pierced. Like, both sides of his nose and everything.” 

Emily paused, placing a finger on her chin in a moment of thought, once it seemed she had recalled what she was looking for, she resumed. “I've heard he’s even got tattoos! Like, I mean I've only heard that, since I personally have only seen him like all covered up, but Miyah- you know Miyah? She’s in our lit class. But yeah, Miyah said she saw him last week in a tank top and he’s like completely tatted. Oh! And he’s super tall!-” you raised your hand and mumbled when she paused “Emily?” she tilted her head to the side in response. 

“I just..asked who he was, since we’ve been seated together. Thank you for telling me! But i’m not sure I needed much more than ‘emo’ to assure Emily (and to reassure yourself) that her prattle wasn’t a big deal, you forced out a laugh, wincing when it came out a smidge louder than intended. You had only been here a week or so, and hoped you wouldn't start the next one with no friends at all. Emily slapped her hand over her mouth, face red with embarrassment. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry-” in her silence you attempted to reach a hand out and place it on her shoulder, a small piece of comfort, however, she had decided to launch herself at you and squeeze as tightly as she could. While you spluttered and wheezed a breath Emily squealed and buried her face into your shoulder. 

“I’m so embarrassed! You must think i'm totally guy crazy, right? I SWEAR I'm not! He’s just- you’ll see!” In response, you tapped her back to signal a need for breath, coincidentally at the same time as the warning bell for class rang. Emily released you and stepped back, ever the dramatic, she sighed wistfully and clutched her chest. “Just as I was preparing to gush about him again, here comes your cue to leave!” a sigh from her. “Well, I guess it can’t be helped-” Emily punctuated the pause with a fake sniffle, obviously meant to elicit laughter. You giggled sweetly, to which she seemed pleased. “I guess i’ll see you tomorrow, and text you after class?” you offered, tilting your head off to the direction you were headed, Emily nodded, and with a pair of exchanged goodbyes you split paths.

Of course, as it always has been regardless of the time you leave, you’re extremely early to class. There isn’t a seat filled besides your teachers, who sat with his back to you reading off of his phone and copying the contents onto a notebook labelled “teach”. You slid into your assigned seat, as gently and as quietly as possible in hopes that if you’re quiet enough, you’ll be forgotten when class commences. You’ve never even been particularly shy, just quiet, but the way the other girls in your class had whispered when the groups were announced, and how Emily had spoken of this guy made your chest squeeze. Popular guys tended to be assholes, and while you had never spoken to anyone really emo before, you assumed that popularity affected them the same. 

You decided that if perhaps if you focused on looking your best, some of your anxiety would decrease. And so, you produced your cherry printed compact mirror along with your tinted lip balm, applying it sparsely to achieve the perfect plump, freshly kissed looking lips. To make them more juicy, you dabbed on one of the clear glosses in your bag, you spritzed a nice vanilla scented perfume back over the spots you had that morning and smoothed out your pretty, flowy, knee length off white (although in some lighting, it leant to more of a pale yellow) cotton babydoll vintage nightdress you had worn along with a cherry patterned cardigan, and white tights. You tapped your flats against the floor, dressing extra femininely was always something that brang you confidence, and by god you needed it now.

To fill out more of the time before the other students rushed in, you slowly organised your notebooks by colour, it seemed you had gotten so engrossed in whether if organising by the rainbow was the way, or if organising from light to dark was prettier that you hadn’t even noticed when the room filled, or when the seat beside you scraped backwards against the floor, and a body filled it. Yes, you didn’t notice much of anything at all, until a pencil tapped the closest of the two books you had been swapping back and forth. Your head snapped to the side, chewing your lip in embarrassment over being caught, as you raked your eyes up the torso who was beside you. 

“Ah- Alex, right?” you managed to force out, more from intimidation than infatuation. Emily had in fact been completely right in her description, he was quite tall. If you had to give an estimate (although you had never been good at guessing heights, god bless you) you would have guessed around 6 foot 3 or 6 foot 4. His hair brushed against his left eye and travelled down to his collarbones, which had been covered with a rather tight fitting t-shirt, displaying some band name you had no chance of deciphering. He wore a simple silver necklace, paired with a studded bracelet on one hand, and a black rubber wristband on the other. What Emily had not informed you of was the fact Alex had a surprisingly shy smile.

“Yeah, i know who you are- oh god. That sounds creepy huh?”Alex offered you a smile, flipping his head to the side to push his bangs out from his eye. You giggled. “Yeah, a little bit.” You swallowed thickly, he seemed nice, and you wanted to make a good impression now that you knew he wasn’t a total jerk right off the bat. “I’m sorry for not noticing you- and well, everyone- come in! I was just kind of…” you gestured to your arrangement of notebooks to which Alex nodded at gravely. “Ah yes, the deeply intriguing task of arranging books by colour.” he smirked, and a giggle bubbled its way up from your throat, and out of your mouth. 

The rest of the class speed by quickly, with the two of you chatting, joking, laughing and ultimately powering through your shared assignment so quickly that it had been completed before the teacher could even announce you were to work on it outside of school. As the rest of the class packed up their books and stationary, you sheepishly smiled and turned to alex. “Do you want to come over?I mean, we’ve already finished the assignment, but you’re really fun to talk to. We could play games or something?” Alex returned your smile, his long and thin fingers playing with the rip over the knee on his jeans.

 “Yeah, sounds fun. Do you take the bus?” 

“I do, yeah!”

“Sounds cool then, I'll get an uber home or something after.” You smiled and nodded vigorously, quickly packing yourself up and waiting for your new companion to do the same. After a moment of Alex essentially just sliding his things from the table into his open bag below, the two of you pushed through the crowd of students, Alex’s head bobbing above most of them. Once you had successfully escaped the maze that was your school (and the either jealous or incredulous looks from your female classmates), it was simply a matter of getting on the bus, exchanging glances and small smiles as you waited for your stop that had of course, been conveniently located at the front of your small house.

“I’m not gonna have to meet your parents, am i?” Alex joked, sliding out of his seat. 

“Of course not, I live alone!” You smiled brightly, oblivious to Alex’s jaw dropping.

“In this economy?”

“Oh, the house was my aunts, she’s also paying the bills until I finish school and find a job.” Although still amazed, and perhaps slightly jealous, Alex understood this more. He made a sound of acknowledgement and rolled back his shoulders, swinging his arms by his side as you produced your house keys from your cardigan pocket and unlocked the front door. 

“Sweet place.” Alex whistled, eyes tracing every corner of your entryway and living room. “So, where are we hanging out?” you slipped your shoes off (prompting Alex to hurriedly do the same). And pointed to one of the doors off to the side. “My room, I don't use much else of the house, except for when my parents or aunt visit, so pretty much everything of mine is in my room.” Alex nodded, idly reaching up a hand to his face to fiddle with his snake bites as you finally undid the last buckle on your shoe. Gesturing his arm out in a “go on” motion, you smiled and led the short way across the room to your door, leading him inside to your quite frankly, adorable room.

“I like it, very….vintage.” Alex mused, before flopping backwards onto your bed, the force making your pillows bounce. You laughed, grabbing a few game disks out from your collection and two controllers on your way to sit next to him. “What do you wanna play? I’ve got multiplayer and single player…” you trailed off as you flipped through the multiple options, ranging from girly games to retro horror. “Oh, sweet! I didn’t know anyone else here was even aware that Zombie Driver existed!” chimed Alex, grabbing the disc case out of your hands. “Oh, yeah! It’s my dads one, but we played it a lot when I was a kid, so i brang it with me! Is that the one you wanna play?” you giggled when Alex took the disc out of your hand, his expression and excitement reminding you of a kid on christmas morning. “Yeah!- ah, sorry for snatching, i know its rude” This made you giggle again, rolling your eyes as you turned the console on and trading the controller for the disc. You jumped off your bed and slid across the floor, swooping down to open the case and slide the disc into the open slot just in time. 

Alex whooped when you joined him back on the bed, occasionally glancing over at you with when he beat something particularly hard and pouting cartoonishly when he died and had to hand the controller over to you. The two of you eventually settled on almost a rhythm of glances and smiles, pouts and groans. It was calm, and almost domestic. Something out of a tooth rottingly sweet fluffy fanfiction. The thought was enough to make you chuckle into your fist, causing Alex to look over at you to see what was so funny, and die horrifically in the game. ‘Wh- that was totally on purpose! You distracted me!” He laughed, you laughed harder in turn, shaking your head frantically. “That’s so not fair! You can’t use the fact you’ve got a cute laugh to get your turn faster!” 

You felt your face heat up, and Alex knew he had you. “I mean it, you can’t use being pretty to cheat either.” He smirked, leaning in ever so slightly. You tried to speak, but you could only smile shyly and turn your head to the side, tucking your hair behind your ear and glancing at him. “Oh, back to miss mysterious from school huh? Or did i get you all shy from just saying you’re pretty?” to this you snorted, “don’t tease me! I didn’t mean to make you lose! You could’ve simply asked me what was so funny.” You lifted your head in false indignation, and Alex scoffed. “I think i’ll tease you as much as i liked, you didn’t mind it the first time.” And with the way he looked at you them, all of a sudden it seemed the game had been forgotten. As well as everything else in the world, it was just you and Alex in the small bedroom. When you didn’t respond, Alex placed the controller to the side of him and craned his neck down to meet your gaze. 

“Well?” Alex tilted his head, brown eyes staring deep into your own,when you broke eye contact your eyes immediately darted down to where his shirt had ridden up slightly you could see the deep V going down into his jeans. The sight caused you to gulp, mouth dry when you looked back into his eyes. “My god, you’ve known me one day and you’re already staring at my dick?” your face tightened and felt so hot you knew for sure that it must be so incredibly red. And your fears were confirmed when Alex leant back and cackled to the ceiling. 

“I’m sorry!” you squeaked, grabbing a pillow to smother yourself with. “I d-didn’t know you were ACTUALLY looking!” Alex managed to push out between hysteric fits of laughter, you groaned and threw the pillow at him. Unfortunately, the tousled hair it caused and the bright red and slightly sweaty face he had from laughing caused you to have even more perverted thoughts. As though he could read your mind, Alex waggled his eyebrows at you. “Oh my gODDD” you threw another pillow at him. He caught it this time, placing it down next to where you were and laying on it. “My bad, I'll stop. It’s just you look cute when your face is all red, and when you throw shit at me.” you leant over to the bedside table, grabbing a paperweight. You raised an eyebrow quizzically and when Alex shook his head vigorously with “no!”s tumbling out of his mouth, you cackled yourself and placed the small weight back behind you. Alex huffed, flipped his bangs again, and looked up at you for once. The two of you exchanged smiles as the sun began to set behind the clouds and you realised how late it was. 

“So, wanna stay the night?”

apologies if tbis sucks I wrote it all in one sitting no beta read no edit its 1am help me

[wonnieluvr]

okay i have to say i hate emily. shes a bitch and i hate what she did to jamie and gray but i cant deny her character is so fascinating. shes literally like if greed was a person?

dont get me wrong as much as i hate her i understand the whole risk taking thing and wanting those experiences she never got to have BUT saying that she didnt need two boyfriends??? she literally could have experienced all the same things she did with one. thats why shes greed. she just took and took everything. from both of them and rebecca too.

but i just dont understand why she had such an effect on everyone? like avery describes her as pretty but she also said she was nowhere near as beautiful as rebecca. is it because she was sick and everyone felt bad? but like even then i cant imagine emily being a pleasant person to be around so i dont get how she made friends with anyone let alone dated two people 😭 but that could also be because we never met her? like we don't really know anything about her which is also really interesting to me. we know of her but that's only everyone's versions of her.

on a different note i keep thinking about the way jamie and gray had different feelings for her. like i just think that while jamie did love her but he didnt love her, you know? gray did. i assume thats why jamie wasnt as affected by eve, he didnt love emily the same way gray did.

jamie feels that way for avery so while eves appearance surely shocked him it still didnt take over and bring up old feelings (for a completely new person lmao)

(i also do know that he knew about eve before but theres still something different between hearing things and seeing them)

jamie and avery are perfect for each other but thats a different thought too. i'm so glad they never really fought because of eve (thank god, i would have cried)

but back on topic, i doubt emily loved them back. like, i feel like its the sort of situation where she just wanted to feel wanted. she probably mistook that for love and assumed she wanted both of them? but its all she ever had growing up too? familiarity? like its suggested that her parents were completely focused on her their whole lives and loved her (she was their miracle baby sort of though so i do kinda get that) but also like i wholeheartedly believe everything starts with the parents.

they were such a big influence in her life, they gave her everything, sacrificed everyone and everything for her and kept her happy. this comes back to the greed thing too. they gave her this idea that everything would bend to her will and she would always get what she wanted. (if you can't tell i have strong feelings about the influence parents have and how they raise their children cus it literally dictates someones whole life until they have clarity smh)

i think the whole jumping off the cliff thing too was like her acting out. she reminds me of gray in that way, she was losing control and she needed to do something she wanted to regain it. she knew she couldnt handle it but she couldnt handle not getting what she wanted more. idk if that makes sense but shes like trying to prove to herself and everyone else that she was fine with jamie breaking things off, that she could handle not being wanted and adored regardless of her actions and she was losing control of everything ig? idk i just think its really interesting the way she took things to an extreme because i imagine she was probably trying to do something else, something worse than what she feeling to get it to go away? emotions are so interesting in that way.

like rebecca (in her mind) was turning against her, jamie was leaving her and her parents would have stopped her from going with gray if they had known and at the time that was (hinted at) being what she really wanted to do and they were all telling her no. she took the only thing she had left to control (gray) and was trying to prove she was fine.

i cant put into words how many layers all of these characters have like jlb wrote such a wonderful series and i cant stop thinking about all the characters. i have so many thoughts running through my head and i could write a take on everyone ☹️

[ssahotchnerr]

Hey love, could you pretty please do an Aaron x reader where it’s there wedding day and she starts getting real bad anxiety about marrying him. Not because she doesn’t want to but because she feels like he is surrounded by so many amazing people who uplift him that she could never compare. Just in the mood for fluffy comfort Aaron 🥹

enough

cw; fem!reader, a LOT of angst but it's comforting??, heavy 5x9 references (i'm sobbing actually), anxiety descriptions, aaron cries 😭, comfort and a happy ending don't worry!!!! wc; 2.4k

"nervous jitters?"

"you could say that." you replied - while staring off into space, while bouncing your crossed leg, while kicking your slipper on and off your heel. your head moved downward as your fingers clutched onto the seat of the chair you were sat in, harshly enough for your knuckles to turn white.

jj pulled the curling wand away from your face an inch, "careful, try not to move."

"sorry."

yet another wave of guilt rippled through you, as this wasn't how you should feel on your wedding day.

last night, you were surrounded by the people you now consider family, celebrating a new chapter. or rather, a beginning. aaron's permanent grin was engraved in your mind; you've never seen him so carefree, happily conversing with his colleagues, gazing at you as if he'd won the lottery (to him, he had). you were positive there wasn't a second where his arms hadn't been wrapped around you.

before parting ways for the night, he had pulled you to the side, to a more secluded area. he gave you long, sweet, deep kisses, holding your body close to his, as you weren't going to see each other until the two of you officially, and finally, became one.

just as him, you had been on a similar high, more than ready for this next adventure, in pure disbelief that in less than twenty-four hours, you'd be a hotchner. so now, whatever this was, had quite literally come out of absolutely nowhere.

when you awoke this morning, rather than the excitement you had expected, you were greeted with an empty, terrifying pit in your stomach.

as the day carried on, pre-wedding activities in full motion, it followed, and the void within only grew and grew. it was gravely unsettling; you were more fidgety, on edge, you hadn't been your usual talkative self. and despite being surrounded by your newfound family - jj, penelope, and emily more specifically - you couldn't help but choose to remain alone in your thoughts.

jj studied your face through the mirror, before securing your hairpiece in place. "there." her hands found your shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. "sit tight, i'll be right back."

you nodded, blinking your eyes to prevent the budding tears from slipping - and to not ruin penelope's handiwork, mascara sure to stain your cheeks. she left, leaving you alone.

but as promised jj returned no more than five minutes later, only she remained at the doorway, her head peeking in. "someone's here to see you."

after giving you a consoling smile, as if she knew - profilers - she vanished, leaving door slightly ajar.

your hand had only just touched the knob when the door moved a centimeter back, slight pressure holding it still to refrain from opening fully.

"don't open it all the way."

"aaron?" at the sound of his voice, you fought the instant urge to sob. but the utmost amount of comfort filled you too. it took a second, but you found your voice, "you're not supposed to be here."

"well technically, i just can't see you."

"still." you insisted. your tone was flat, rather than being full of giddiness due to your future husband sneakily paying you a forbidden visit - like it should've. "they're going to be looking for you."

"then let them." aaron answered simply, not concerned about that in the slightest. "are you alright?"

you immediately fell silent, and aaron patiently waited a minute, but still - nothing. the extended period of quietness, scared him, given the day's event.

please, not cold feet.

and given the current circumstances, there was only so much he could do. aaron dropped his hand to his side, weaving through the small gap. "here, give me your hand."

your hand quickly found his, the promptness allowing aaron to breathe. the familiar weight felt like home; your hand always fitting perfectly within his. your hands always cold, his warm. yours soft, his rough.

his thumb drew circles on the back of your hand, an invitation to open up. "what's on your mind?"

you bit your lip in thought, taking a heavy enough breath aaron could hear it without straining his ears.

"honey?"

"first, i want to preface this that i do want to marry you. i don't want you thinking otherwise." your voice was firm, meaning every word.

"okay..." here was a brief hesitancy in his voice despite your promise; a tinge of worry, some question. however, he managed to keep his voice steady, for the most part. you, however, still recognized the waver of uncertainty.

"just," you released a breath, your voice small. "i envy you."

aaron was quiet for a moment, and when he did speak, the confusion was obvious in his voice. "you envy me?"

"you have," you took a breath, gripping onto his hand. "so many wonderful amazing people around you... i don't even know where to start. they've been with you, stuck with you, for far longer than i have. how do i compare to that? god, dave's practically paying for this whole thing. because of you, for you. no matter who you would've married, he would've done exactly the same. i'm not special."

"sweethear-"

"i want to be enough for you." tears pinched at your eyes, your hold on his hand lessening - which frighteningly felt like you were letting go completely. "you deserve," you took another breath, and this one rattled through you. "everything. and i'm afraid i never will be."

aaron only clutched onto your hand tighter, refusing to part. his eyes squeezed shut for a moment, taking a silent, deep breath. "are you wearing your dress yet?"

after all that, you weren't too sure of how he would respond, but you certainly hadn't expected that. "no? once-"

aaron released your hand. and after looking in both directions of the hall to be certain he was in the clear, he swiftly entered, the door clicking shut behind him.

"aaron." you stared at him, your eyes wide in alarm. you barely had the time to process him in his tuxedo, or have the thought to push him out. "you can't be-"

"enough?" aaron looked at you, baffled. exasperation, pain, and love all present in his eyes. "how can you say that?"

"i-"

"you... are everything. my everything." he moved to your left, pacing away for a moment, quickly internalizing a way to get it across solidly, so you wouldn't dare question otherwise again. he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "did i ever tell you, what haley told me before she died?"

you blinked in surprise, but shook your head. while you knew the story, offered reassurances after nightmares and the topic of haley had never been off limits, aaron had never gone into detail over... the final moments. you never pushed, never asked - if it was something he chose to keep to himself, to have that part of haley close to him and only him - of course you respected that. they were vulnerable, painful memories, not easy to relive.

he sobered, his posture and expression changing before you, alight with a ghost of the past. a tender, solemn fondness was in his tone as he recalled the line. "'love is the most important thing.'"

your eyes studied his face, silently urging him to continue.

"and while our relationship had it's hardships, she wanted jack to believe in it - love - and had me promise her that i'd show him."

"aaron..."

"he believes, because of you."

"i-"

"i believe," his eyes found yours, full of a sincereness you've never seen from him. "because of you."

you opened your mouth to speak again, but no words came out.

"haley was right." he chuckled softly, with a small shake of his head, "honestly, and while i understand why now, for a long time i was furious she made me promise that. because i wouldn't be able to keep my word. before that... day, i'd already given up. lost hope that i could find it again, that it was even possible, or whether i deserved it. haley and i were together for a long time, you know that. being with her was all i knew, what i was used to, and part of me thought maybe someday, we'd manage to work things out. and suddenly, she was gone. it was too late - i was too late. i failed her, and i'd continue to fail her."

"and then you came into my life, and turned my world around completely. never did i think i would love again, let alone get on one knee and ask someone to marry me. but here we are. here you are."

aaron took your face into his hands, as delicately as he possibly could - as if he feared he would break you.

"because of you, i kept my promise to haley. jack knows, he sees the love i have for you every day. and although he 'ew's' at the sight of us kissing here and there, he'll grow up understanding. he'll know the importance, as promised."

"and you saved me. you saved from a looming downward spiral. i saw it happen to gideon, it's happened to countless others within the bureau, and i could've been the next. i told someone once; it's consuming, this job will eat you up if you let it. but instead of letting it, instead of ruining my relationship with jack, you managed to pull me from that impending darkness i was headed toward."

tears were continuously trickling down your cheeks, utterly speechless.

"you're enough. god you're more than enough. and if that doesn't... i'll prove it to you everyday if i have to. if you'll let me." a broken exhale left his lips, choked up. "i promise."

still unable to find the words, and actions speaking louder, your fingers grabbed onto his tux, pulling his body to yours and wrapping your arms around his middle, burying your face into his chest. in the back of your mind, you made a mental apology to penelope, and hoped you weren't soiling aaron's dress shirt too badly.

aaron's shoulders dropped at the contact, in relief. he pressed his lips to the top of your head, his arms wrapping around your shoulders and holding you close. next, he's the one who took a shaky breath.

"so, i'm the one who should be afraid."

"what?" your voice cracked, peering up at him, your chin on his torso.

"baggage." aaron sighed, tearing his eyes away from yours, his hands running along your back soothingly - or rather, to soothe himself. "i'm the widowed father. i'm the one who's never around. i'm the one who's scarred, in more ways than one. i don't want to limit you, to keep you from a life you've always imagined for yourself. like i did with haley."

"don't say that."

"every day, i wonder why i'm the one you chose to be with. wonder why you love me. i think that it's too good to be true, that i'll wake up. or someday, you will."

"aaron."

he sighed, tears sliding down his cheek.

"you are not scarred, aaron hotchner." you cupped his face and angled him so he was looking at you, wiping the droplets away with the pads of your thumb. "far from it. the life i imagine, is with you. this is it." you found it in you to let out a small laugh, refreshing after the morning you've had. "that's why i was so worried."

he also couldn't help but laugh gently through his tears. "you shouldn't be."

your hand slid to the back of his neck, winding your fingers through the nape of his hair. "you've, very unfairly, dealt with the unfathomable. the unimaginable. but that doesn't make you broken. i find it admirable actually, and it's one of the things i love about you. you're strong aaron. to go through something like that, and come out on the other side of it, both the tragedy and the recovery part of it. a lot of people wouldn't be able to do the same."

aaron looked at you, listening, his head tilting as he leaned into your touch.

"despite what you think, you're a good father. i adore you with jack. and with the horrors you see, every day, you still come home with a calm face. you never fail to give us your all - your sweet loving self. you're always present, even if you're physically aren't here. because you're out there making this world a safer place for so many others. for jack, for me. you really don't give yourself enough credit."

aaron remained silent, his gaze beginning to tear away from yours. but you stopped him, with a finger under his chin to direct his focus back to you.

"you may have scars, but they aren't you. they may contribute, but they aren't you."

"are you sure?" his voice fell to a whisper, eyes desperately searching yours, his own dampened.

you nodded earnestly, your bottom lip quivering a small amount. "i've never been more sure of anything. i promise."

and with that, aaron's lips found yours, kissing you even more deeply than he had the previous night. from the urgency that soon developed, it was clear just how needed this conversation was, on both ends. providing closure, clarity. the kiss sent a buzz right through you, instantaneously making up for the all the lost time you had spent brooding.

you forced yourself to pull away - only when air was needed, and to simply stop. you would've gladly kissed him longer, and aaron likewise, but the two of you were on a schedule.

his forehead fell against yours, a rather boyish, adorable smile on his face. "so, are we good?"

you nodded, your lips pulling into a smile as well, the giddiness you've been missing finally present. you reached up, gently blotting away any lingering tears of his. "we've always been."

"wedding still on?"

you rolled your eyes, gently smacking his chest and making him laugh. "duh."

"okay." he grinned, pecking your lips gently. "i better go. if someone catches me in here-"

"-you'll be in trouble."

"big trouble." he grinned, pulling your hands forward to bring you in for yet another kiss. "i love you. you never saw me."

you chased his lips - just one more. "never did."

aaron laughed, his brown eyes just sparkling. "i'll see you soon. you know where to find me, i'll be waiting."

[anna-scribbles]

Any songs on the tortured poets department or the anthology that remind you of Emilie agreste or any other ML character? (though I know Emilie’s your special interest) I feel like the albatross and I can do it with a broken heart remind me so much of Adrien, and I always love your Taylor swift lyric analysis posts.

EXCELLENT question considering taylor swift just released an emilie agreste album. (and you’re so right about the adrien songs i definitely thought so too.) there were 6 songs that stood out to me as emilie songs, the first being:

I Can Fix Him, No Really I Can

this one is. well. it’s obvious that emilie is into toxic men. i love the idea that when she first got entangled with gabe, he was just an absolute broke problematic punk bisexual disaster (we can't ignore the harriel evidence) who her parents hated sooooo bad. and like literally everybody was so right that he was bad news but emilie was so confident that she could fix him until she finally realized that she was fr dying and he was actually going to terrorize the world about it. oops.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

already mentioned as an adrien song (which it is) but emilie and adrien are admittedly very similar and this song hits on exactly why. it’s about having such a tight control on how you’re perceived by others, putting on a fake persona that can be idolized and adored by everyone no matter how you’re feeling inside. it’s about being SO good at your job that you can’t actually get out of it. accidentally mythologizing yourself. losing your grasp of what is performance vs authenticity. you get it

Clara Bow

OKAY THIS ONE MAKES ME CRAAAZY. okay okay okay. so SPEAKING of accidentally mythologizing yourself, the song clara bow hits on a lot of the same themes as icdiwabh but there's this added sense of inevitable circularity to it that just drives me insane. I especially think a lot about adrien almost inheriting his mother's space in the public eye - the way emilie's acting career and universal adoration paved the way for adrien to be famous from birth, the kind of fame that makes his life almost unlivable at times. the whole bridge articulates it beautifully, I think - "beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours/demanding more" and "it's hell on earth to be heavenly." the idea that the world demands beauty from emilie, and she gives and gives until her ambition eventually breaks her, and she passes the performance down to adrien. and he takes up the mantle. the future's bright, dazzling.

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

so again, we return to the alleged bisexual punk disaster youth of gabriel agreste😭 this song is mostly related to my personal way that I imagine gabe and emilie's early years lol. I imagine that one of the things that drew emilie to gabe initially was that he was so opposite of the way her british nobility family was, and she was trying to escape that life. but eventually, once the money and success got to him, he became someone exactly like the family she once ran from. and she became different too, in a way she always regretted. hence the "say that I loved you the way that you were." the part of this song that feels VERY emilie to me is the "I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools/changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules/all to outrun my desertion of you." I think that emilie is very malleable, easily adapting her personality and presentation to fit whoever she's trying to please at the moment. but she never plans to stick around for long.

I Hate It Here

this one makes me laugh bc "I'd say the 1830's but without all the racists😒" ABSOLUTELY feels like something emilie agreste would say😭 and feel like she cured racism. but as for the actual song, I see emilie as always tending toward escapism. no matter how content she's trying to be in her situation, she's always stitching together an escape plan in the back of her mind. she doesn't like being tied down. she's such a romantic, and constantly disappointed by reality. always planting secret gardens in her mind

The Bolter

THE BOLTER!!!!! IS THE EMILIE AGRESTE SONG OF ALL TIME. TO ME. okay okay every single line but especially verse 2. "he was a cad, wanted her bad/just like any good trophy hunter/and she liked the way it tastes" just SAY gabriel and emilie. just say it. also the "splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless" SCREAMS emilie to me. one of the first things that ever came to me about emilie was her being flighty and kind of unreliable, as well as deeply attention seeking. I think of her as someone who gets restless if she's in the same place for too long, who has trouble with commitment. it's easy for her to feel trapped, and her impulse is always to break free. thinking about how content she was to leave behind her loved ones, "there's an escape in escaping" really defines her character to me. and of course it bleeds into adrien's struggle with confinement and tendency to run away when he's feeling unwanted etc etc <3

THANKS FOR ASKING A QUESTION SO RELEVANT TO MY CURRENT INTERESTS<3 umm I will throw in a bonus adrien song which is robin. ok goodnight