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page-doctor-bekker · 4 years ago

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Human Error (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) this really doesn’t actually have anything to do with sarah being trans, it just takes place in the same universe. this is literally just an event that happened in this au written out so i can write about effects surrounding it without people being confused lol.

“Reese, we’re slammed, any chance you can take treatment four?” Maggie pointed at Sarah Reese, and then at the fourth treatment room. Sarah looked up from the computer, before grabbing her tablet and heading to the treatment room.

“Hi, Mr. Nearling? I’m Dr. Reese, what seems to be the issue today?” Sarah pushed for hand sanitizer, rubbing her already-dry hands together until the gel had absorbed.

“Trouble breathing…” The man took a few labored breaths, “Cold sweat… I’m shaking, I can’t breathe-”

“Okay, I see, when did this start? Does your chest hurt at all?”

“I… I had a big meeting today and it just happened suddenly. I guess it hurts a little bit.”

“Can I take a listen to your heart?” Sarah asked, already taking her stethoscope off of her neck. The man nodded, and she pressed the drum to his chest. His heart was racing.

He started talking fast, “Are you going to be able to give me a doctor’s note? I’m going to lose my job…” He started breathing faster.

“Has this ever happened before?” Sarah asked, lifting the stethoscope from the man’s chest, “Any history of anxiety or panic disorders?”

“Never like this,” He choked up and coughed a bit, “But, I had social anxiety as a kid.”

“Do you have any family history of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, or high blood pressure? Do you smoke, drink?”

“No, none of that,” The man waved his hands, “I’m a healthy guy. A vegetarian, everything- everything is fine! I’m perfect, I can’t-”

“Mr. Nearling-” He was hyperventilating, and Sarah grabbed one of his hands, “Mr. Nearling, I think you’re having an anxiety attack,” Dr. Reese let go of his hand, and hung her stethoscope back around her neck, and tapped on her iPad, “I’m going to give you something to calm you down, then we can talk about coping strategies and I will refer you to outpatient psychiatry to continue care. April, push 1.5 milligrams of Ativan.”

April pushed the medication through the patient’s IV line, and Dr. Reese pulled up a round, spinning stool to the bed and sat down. April nodded at the doctor, and left the room, pulling the curtain shut.

Mr. Nearling calmed down noticeably, which Dr. Reese took as a success - Panic attack subsided. Dr. Reese smiled, “It’s normal to have some residual physical symptoms, mild tightness, shortness of breath, but as the medication works you’ll calm down more and more. Have you ever had a panic attack before?”

Mr. Nearling shrugged, “Maybe? I’ve never gone to the hospital for it.”

“After a severe panic attack you may have more panic attacks in the coming days or weeks, so I’m going to call in a mild benzodiazepine in case you need a bit of help,” Dr. Reese typed that into the tablet, “When you feel the anxiety and panic start up, you definitely want to try coping mechanisms before you take medication for it. The medication is just for if those coping mechanisms don’t work, which sometimes happens and is to be expected every once in a while.”

Mr. Nearling nodded, taking a deep breath. It was shaky going out, but residual anxiety can do that.

“So, a good first step, whenever you’re having a panic attack, is to recognize that you’re having a panic attack. If it doesn’t work to say it in your head, say it out loud,” Dr. Reese tapped the tablet against her leg with each coming syllable for emphasis, “I am having a panic attack.”

“I am having a panic attack.”

And just like that, it was no longer a panic attack. Mr. Nearling went limp, and the monitors started going crazy. Dr. Reese held two fingers to the man’s neck, and yelled out, “I need a crash cart!”

Everything moved fast after that. Sarah was pushed out of the way by two ED doctors, who started barking out orders.

“He’s in cardiac arrest, page CT. Reese, get on his chest-”

Sarah could feel blood pounding in her ears, and she clasped one hand over the other and started humming. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive. Stayin’ alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive… No matter how much CPR she performed, she still needed the song to keep her on beat.

“-Milligram of Epi.”

Ah, ha, ha, ha…

“Hold compressions,” Dr. Choi barked, holding two fingers to the man’s neck, “Clear!”

The man’s chest lurched as he was shocked, and Sarah’s heart jumped into her throat. Dr. Choi held his fingers back to the man’s neck, “Another milligram of Epi. Charge to 200.”

Sarah resumed compressions. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’...

“Clear!”

Sarah held her hands up, shaking. This never got easier.

“Asystole,” April sighed out, preparing another milligram of Epi. She knew exactly what Dr. Choi was going to ask for next.

“Another milligram of Epi.”

Sarah reached to resume compressions, but Dr. Choi swatted her hands out of the way and did CPR himself. Dr. Choi did it slightly faster than Sarah did. He knew the man was dead.

Sarah squeezed her clammy hands together, shaking like a leaf.

Dr. Bekker rushed in almost immediately after Dr. Choi stopped compressions, and was floored when Choi called time of death.

“Alright, why wasn’t this patient taken to the cath lab as soon as his heart attack was diagnosed?” Ava’s tone was stone cold.

Everyone looked at Sarah.

“He uh… He presented with…” She cleared her throat, “With shortness of breath, mild chest pain, cold sweat, shakiness, and extreme anxiety as well as a positive history for social anxiety. He did not-” She cracked her knuckles, “Um… He also displayed signs of work-related stress and no- Uh, no risk factors for heart attack. I determined he was having a panic attack and ordered 1.5 milligrams of Ativan and started talking about coping strategies with him.”

“Whenever a patient shows up with chest pains they should receive a FULL cardiac workup REGARDLESS of history and risk factors,” Dr. Bekker took a step towards Sarah, and grew louder, “If YOU were in the emergency room with CHEST PAIN, would you be anxious?!”

“I- uh-”

“You did NOTHING you should have. ANXIETY is NOT a contraindication for a heart attack, and now this man is dead. Leaving him to die in the waiting room would be more effective,” She spat out, her tone venomous, “Psych residents, I swear. God, isn’t anyone in this hospital competent?”

Sarah was out of the room before she even knew she was moving. Her feet dragged her away and her heart was practically leaping out of her chest. She felt tears welling up in her eyes and she started chewing on her tongue to avoid letting them go. She clenched her fists as Dr. Charles called her name.

“Dr. Reese! I was paged to the ED, something about you?”

“I need to use the bathroom,” She pushed past him, and he grabbed her arm.

“Sarah,” He whispered, “Go sit in my office when you’re done. I’m going to finish rounds. We’ll talk when I’m done,” He started to walk away, before turning around, “You’re not in trouble, Sarah, I just want to understand what happened.”

Sarah pushed open the swinging door to the women’s bathroom, bolted into the nearest stall and slammed the door shut. She sat down and started sobbing.

I’m in love with her.

She choked on her own snot, and ripped off a piece of toilet paper to blow her nose.

I’m in love with her, and she hates me.

She let out a wail.

i’m in love with her, she hates me, and I failed her.

The bathroom door opened.

“Sarah?”

Sarah held her breath, pulled her knees up to her chest to avoid making any noise.

“I don’t think she’s in here,” Sarah heard April, a gentle voice amongst the madness.

Sarah heard a pager beep.

“Ugh, I have a heart transplant. Whatever, send a note to Dr. Charles and let him know I was looking for her.”

She wants to yell at me some more. She wants to hurt me. She somehow knows about me and I’m going to get fired. I’m going to get fired and be all alone. She knows about me and she’s going to hurt me and I’m going to get fired.

They left, and Sarah let out her breath and let her feet fall to the floor. She blew her nose again, and took a deep, shaking breath. She stood up, and leaned her forehead against the stall door. She took her hair down from it’s low ponytail, and shook it out. She grabbed a piece of her hair and started absentmindedly braiding it - an old anxious habit.

A few minutes and three braids later, she opened the stall door and stared into the mirror in front of her. She wiped away her tears, approached the sink, and splashed water on her face, soaking one of her messy braids in the process. She dried with a thin paper towel, took another shaky, deep breath. She grabbed a helping of hand sanitizer on her way out of the bathroom. Force of habit. Even leaving her bedroom at home she sometimes tries to push the sanitizer button, even though it isn’t there.

Sarah practically ran to Dr. Charles’s office, hurriedly taking her braids out and running her hands through her tangled hair.

She unlocked Dr. Charles’s office door with her key, and closed the door behind her. She did not turn the lights on. Instead, she made a beeline for the couch. There was a throw blanket stored under one of the cushions, and she pulled it over her after grabbing it. She covered her face with a pillow, and screamed into it.

“Sarah?”

She forcefully uncovered her face, before relaxing once she saw it was just Daniel.

“Sarah,” He inquired, sitting down at his desk, “What happened today?”

Sarah sniffled, “I misdiagnosed a heart attack as a panic attack,” She choked out, “Mid-30s male presenting with shortness of breath, mild chest pain, cold sweat, anxiety, healthy weight, vegetarian, panicking with a history of social anxiety, currently experiencing work-related stress, no family history of heart disease, nothing.”

Dr. Charles sighed, “Common mistake. Hardly something to have a-”

“He died, Dr. Charles,” She cried, “He’s dead.”

Dr. Charles’s face hardened, “I see,” He faltered.

“And- And Ava, God, Ava…” She pressed her hand to her forehead, “She yelled at me in the middle of the ED, and she said I was incompetent and-” She choked out a sob, “She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Sarah,” Dr. Charles’s tone softened, “She’s just… She’s just angry. She won’t be angry forever.”

“I just really messed up today,” Sarah swiped her tears away with trembling hands.

“You did,” Dr. Charles agreed, “You did mess up today, but-”

“I’m going to get sued-”

“Sarah.”

“I’m going to lose my residency and I don’t have a fallback plan, I’m in so much debt and so much trouble-”

“Sarah, you’re not going to lose your residency,” Dr. Charles yelled, and Sarah fell silent. He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for yelling at you, but you’re not going to lose your residency. Every single doctor has a misdiagnosis in their career, it’s just part of the job.”

“But he died. And it’s my fault.”

“Sarah, you are going to lose patients. And sometimes it’s going to be your fault,” He reasoned, “You’re a good doctor, Sarah, you’re a good doctor who made a mistake. You want to know what happened during my residency? I diagnosed a teenage girl experiencing vomiting and lack of appetite with bulimia,” He raised his eyebrows at Sarah, “She died of malnutrition. Autopsy showed she had ulcers all along her digestive tract,” He shrugged, “She was in too much pain to eat! But all I saw was a sickly thin teenage girl that was vomiting and couldn’t eat.”

Sarah stayed quiet.

“The point is, things happen. Death happens. Sometimes, conditions disguise as one another. Medicine is hardly ever an exact science,” Dr. Charles pointed out, “Human error is expected, you’re not going to get fired, and you’re probably not going to get sued. Mr. Nearling presented with no typical risk factors of a heart attack, and all the typical risk factors and symptoms of a panic attack. Did you purposefully ignore Mr. Nearling’s heart attack?”

Sarah shook her head.

“Boom,” Dr. Charles threw his hands up in front of him, “You had no malicious intent. You made a mistake, a common mistake, on a patient that didn’t present typically, and it had consequences.”

Sarah nodded.

Dr. Charles sighed, and looked at Sarah with a look of sympathy, “And now it will never happen again, right?”

She nodded.

“You’re going to take complaints with these symptoms more seriously?”

She nodded.

“You’re not a bad doctor, Sarah, you’re just a human,” He said, “In med school they always teach you what someone who has a heart attack looks like, just like they taught me what someone who has an eating disorder looks like. You just have to learn to get past that phenotype and look deeper.”

Sarah stayed quiet.

“Look... This is hard. I get it,” Dr. Charles sighed, “Just... go home, Sarah. Take a breather.”

“What?”

“Go home. Come back in a few days. Take a break.”

“Yes sir,” She said, quietly, before standing up to leave.

(A/N) thanks for reading :) i’m going to build on this at some point and write a follow-up to this one shot. hope you enjoyed! this is a foundation for the parts i want to write, so it doesn’t have too much about sarah’s actual transition. i am so sorry for making ava be mean :(( EDIT: If you liked this, check this out bc I am continuing it!

#chicago med #one shot #chicago med one shot #sarah reese #writing #also my favorite sarah headcanon is that she still has to hum or sing stayin alive to do cpr #she has no natural rhythm without a guide lol #thats okay #transfemme!sarah #my au #angst #mild angst #dr charles #dr charles comforting sarah reese #dr charles is a good father figure #crockettstiddies

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castielscarma · 5 years ago

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Thief

Love this challenge.Here is my third prompt @helianthus21 @pray4jensen @bend-me-shape-me The darkness lay shrouded around the village and night had long settled over the mountains that loomed in the distance. Usually, Dean slept like a passed out drunk but something stirred in him and he found himself opening his eyes.

He stared at the ceiling, trying to decipher the veins in the wood into something meaningful. A sudden chill passed over him and he turned his attention to the door. He could have sworn he saw a shadow pass by in the hall.

Listening harder, the only thing that came to him was the soft snores of Sam in the room next door. Just as Dean was about to turn around and let sleep take him again he heard a creak. It wasn't the wind pushing one of the huge tree branches against the windows, neither was it a nightly bird calling out in the dark.

No, this sound had been a constant since Dean had been a child running around the house like the unleashed Tasmanian devil itself. The second to last step on the staircase hadn't been hammered down right, so if anyone stepped on it, it creaked that familiar sound but this time it didn't bring Dean any comfort. On the contrary, it made the small hairs at the back of his neck rise.

His mom and dad were sleeping downstairs and Sam was asleep too, so that sound could only be explained by something more sinister. A stranger was roaming the halls of the Winchester home.

Dean got up on soft feet and padded out into the hallway. The moonlight coming in from the windows softened some of the darkness into muted grays.

Everything seemed fine but Dean's whole body screamed that it wasn't. His heartbeat was speeding up, hammering in his chest and his hands felt clammy with sweat. A voice whispered to him to run from dangers unseen but Dean was not a guy to run, especially when his family, the people he loved were threatened.

There were only shadows dancing on the walls, no signs of any intruder that could have stepped on creaky stairs. Exhaling heavily, Dean walked into Sam's room.

His heart stopped.

Sam's legs were tangled into the bed sheets but that wasn't the source of Dean's sudden worry.

A dark figure loomed over Sam, his hand outstretched.

What the hell? Dean was on the verge of shouting at whoever was intruding to get the hell away from his brother when the figure turned.

Dean saw that it was a man but shadows twirled strangely around him as if the night itself tried to hide him from Dean. His blue eyes had an odd intensity to them and seemed to glow.

“Hello, Dean.” His voice was old leaves crushed under a leather boot.

Goosebumps rose all over Dean's body again.

“I don't care if you read my diary to know my name, you step back from Sammy or I swear to God I'll give you the beating of a lifetime.”

The man just chuckled and uttered a single word. “Stay.”

Dean's heart was still racing, despite the confrontation not going in the direction he'd initially thought. “You get out right now, or I'll call the fucking cops on your ass.” He wanted to bring credence to his words with something more substantial. He didn't have any weapons on him so he figured a good old fashioned beating would get the guy running. Dean went to take a step forward,

He was stuck. Literally.

If he didn't know better, he'd swear that he'd stepped into superglue but it was more than that. His body was rigid, locked completely. A crushing sensation sank down on his chest and he could feel his heart slow down. Trying to move his arms, toes, even eyelids was out of the question.

If he didn't know better, he'd say he was turning into stone.

The man walked up slowly to Dean, taking his time as if he too had been struck with this strange spell, yet a diminished version.

“You were saying about a beating?” His voice was dark and echoed with painful promises. He cocked his head, a faint smile on his lips.

Whatever this creature was, despite its very human features – Dean had quickly come to the conclusion that it was a creature – it wielded magic. As ridiculous as that thought was, Dean knew it to be real. If he had any doubt, the unyielding sensation of his teeth being pressed together and the dull ache in his jaw traveling upward was proof enough.

Long fingers with sharp nails trailed along his cheek in an almost loving caress that turned hard when the man squeezed viciously around his jaw.

Dean breathed out the pain through his nose, trying to open his mouth to speak and say even one word of defiance to the thing in front of him but found it impossible.

A low chuckle rose from the man. “Cat got your tongue?”

Dean exhaled sharply again when one of those nails pricked his skin, drawing blood.

The man took another step up to Dean until they were chest to chest. Slowly, he dragged his finger on the pricked skin and drew it back to taste. “I see you're a Winchester too. I can taste it.” He traced his finger slowly over Dean's lips before stepping away. “But you're not the one I'm after.”

He walked over to Sam who was still snoring soundly in the bed. “This one will serve me well.”

The look he gave Sam made Dean's blood chill. It was a claim and just those brief seconds – as his gaze traveled from the auburn short hair that always was a mess down to his nose and mouth were still soft snores escaped – was enough to make Dean swallow hard.

Dean felt his chest constrict again, but this time not due to magic but due to the panicked thought of what he'd do if he lost Sam. He willed his body to move, screaming at his legs to just take one cursed step forward but he could as well will the ground to swallow the man whole. Just when Dean was about to give surrender, he felt a movement.

He moved his hand a whisper of an inch closer to Sam. His eyes were burning from being forcefully opened this long, and tears rolled slowly down his cheeks.

For a moment, Dean imagined choking the life out of this monster that threatened not only him but his brother. Then his hand was made stone again, unflinching.

The man looked up sharply, a sudden gleam in his eyes. “Did you just move?” Quicker than a snake he was by Dean's side again.

Fuck you, you piece of shit, Dean thought with all the acidity he could.

If the man could read minds, the look on his face was impassive. He looked down at Dean's hand, narrowing his eyes. “You moved, didn't you? How... intriguing.”

Dean exhaled in anger. He could take his 'intriguing' and shove it.

Up close again, Dean took his time to really look at the man – as well as he could with his eyesight obscured by tears.

He looked the part of human where Dean could see him clearly – short brown disheveled hair, a straight nose, and thick full lips. He could see part of his shoulder and his hands and arms were visible but the rest was still obstructed by that swirling black cloud.

The more Dean looked, the more beautiful the man seemed. Every second his eyes lingered on that face something new to marvel at was revealed to him. Finally, he brought his gaze to the man's eyes. A shade of blue that could just be described as otherworldly looked back at him. Where the darkest deep of the ocean met with the brightest of days, there the color of his eyes could be found.

The man raised his hand, playing with a lock of Dean's hair.

The movement brought Dean out of his trance, and he was made aware again of the trouble he was in. He wished death and torture on him but couldn't do much else.

“I see you have a lot on your mind. You want to share some of that burden with me? Since you've given me a gift tonight, I feel indulgent.” He stroked his hands through Dean's hair.

If Dean could actually move he was sure his body would shiver. Creep.

“Speak.”

The command released some of the awful pressure that surrounded Dean's body. His jaws and chin relaxed, and he could finally blink but that seemed to be the extent of his freedom. Dean could finally blink and new tears escaped.

“Let me help you.” The man wiped at his eyes, wiping the tears away.

“You can help me by getting your fucking hands off me.” Dean knew that anger was not the smartest choice but he had to channel his fear and frustration somehow. Since he couldn't punch the asshole, he had to do something. He shut down the voice that whispered to him that it was futile. “Let me go!”

The man looked at Sam who was still sleeping. Dean was grateful that Sam was not awake for any of this.

“I intend to let you go. After Sam and I take leave.”

Dean strained his body to move, but he could as well have been turned into stone. “If you so much as touch a hair on his body I'll – “

A hand swiped out quickly, wrapping hard around his throat. “You'll do what? The Winchester clan owes me. I'm here to collect my due.” Letting go, the man turned around, removing Sam's covers.

Sam stirred in his sleep, yawned once and then turned to the other side.

“Wait. What do you mean we owe you?” Dean whispered around that iron grip.

The man looked back and smiled at Dean. “I could find your kin in my sleep. I've been patient and gave Henry and Millie many years, gave you all many years. What you did with that time was up to you. But what's sealed in blood can never be broken. It's time.”

Half of if, hell, none of it made any sense but Dean couldn't pretend that this – whatever it was – wasn't happening. He swallowed but it did little to alleviate his dry throat. “Please, not Sam. I'm begging you – “

The man shook his head. “Begging has a certain allure to me, Dean, but not tonight.” He let go off Dean's throat and grabbed Sam's leg.

“Take me!” It was born out of desperation, confusion, and above else a desire to save his brother.

“I'm Castiel.” He said it like it was a great honor to know as he turned back to Dean. He stayed silent for a few seconds, judging Dean by some unknown parameter before encroaching on his space again.

He placed a hand on Dean's chest, digging his nails into the skin. “You'd do that for me? Trade places with your brother?”

Dean winced but didn't hesitate. He'd offer up everything, even his very soul if he could save Sammy from a fate unknown. “Yeah, I would. I will, just... don't hurt him.”

Castiel quirked his lips into a smile, placing a placating finger on Dean's mouth. “Shh. A deal is a deal. I won't hurt him. Will this appease you?”

It did nothing to appease Dean, but he realized his choices were few. To save Sammy he'd try everything even if that gamble could cost him dearly. Better him than Sam.

Dean nodded grimly.

Castiel shook his head. “Speak.”

“Yes. It's a deal.” As he spoke those words, something heavy settled on him. He was being dragged down into an abyss. So real was the feeling that Dean tried to look down but his body was still locked tight, rigid and unyielding in Castiel's presence.

“I do recall you talking about a beating earlier.” Fingers speared through Dean's hair and he grimaced through the pain as Castiel pulled hard, yanking his head back. “But you don't understand, Dean. I already beat you.”

Letting go of Dean's hair, he grabbed him by the shoulder.

For a blissful second, Dean's entire body relaxed even as the crushing sensation of being held in place evaporated. Blood rushed through him at the same speed as his first initial reaction; freedom.

He tightened his fist, his whole body coiled again. This time it was voluntary, every ounce of force gathering in his fist, ready to meet Castiel's face.

“That's charming, Dean.” Castiel' eyes shone with mirth before turning hard. “It will be your last act of defiance. You're mine now.”

The living shadows enveloping Castiel's body turned impossibly darker. His grip turned hot.

Dean tried to pull away but it was as if Castiel's hand had merged with his shoulder. His skin was on fire. Each heartbeat amplified the pain, sending it coursing through his entire body. Dean opened his mouth to speak but a scream came out instead.

Sam sighed deeply, still lost in peaceful slumber.

The smell of burning skin drifted to his nose. Sickness rose in his stomach, competing with his painful outcries of which would be the first to bring him to his knees.

Cas' voice broke through Dean's anguished cries, an unwelcome anchor in a sea of pain.“I'll see you on the other side.”

The last thing Dean saw before his world turned dark was Castiel looking at him, a pleased smile on his face.

#thief #castielscarma #my writing #SpnStayAtHome #if you like this please reblog it #destiel ficlet #reblogged

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applepiewinchesters · 5 years ago

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Stay (Malcolm Bright x Reader)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

When Malcolm heard the front door of his loft slam shut, he’d assumed you’d just had a bad day at work.

Turning in his chair at the kitchen island where he was going over paper work, he was a bit surprised that you seemed to be mad at him. The look on your face could certainly kill.

“Your mother called me today Malcolm,” you spoke, voice oddly calm as you kicked off your heels and hung up your coat.

Malcolm groaned, shutting the file in front of him, “What does she want now? Another brunch?” he asked, meeting your gaze.

“Why haven’t you told me you haven’t slept in three days?” you hissed, crossing your arms as you glared.

Malcolm squeezed his eyes shut, a string of curse words crossing his mind, of course she’d told her. You were the only one who could usually talk some sense into him anyway.

When Malcolm opened his eyes again you were still standing there, arms crossed and glaring daggers at him.

“It’s this case, I promise, we’ve almost got the guy, I’ll be back to normal next week at the latest,” Malcolm spoke, trying to brush off the obvious problem.

“Normal isn’t exactly a word I’d used to describe you, ever,” you told him.

“I’m fine, you don’t have to worry,” Malcolm tried again, standing from his seat as he walked towards you, but you took a step back, not letting this go.

“The last time you told me that you ended up in the hospital with severe dehydration and exhaustion,” you said.

You could clearly see the dark bags under his eyes, and you were mentally kicking yourself for not noticing, and even though you hadn’t slept at his place in about a week, you did see him every day.

His tremor was back as well, and when he noticed you staring, he grabbed his own hand, forcing the twitching to stop.

“Please, just believe me,” Malcolm said, “I’ll be okay.”

Shaking your head, you turned, grabbing your coat off the hook as you pulled your heels back on.

“W-What are you doing?” Malcolm stuttered out, a confused look contorting his features.

“I’m leaving Malcolm,” you said. He hated how you kept saying his name like that, like it was something disgusting. “I’m not coming back until you get yourself some help, you need sleep and you need more meds, I know you haven’t gotten your prescription refilled.”

“No, no, no, please, don’t go, I-I’ll fix it,” Malcolm said, both of his hands trembling now. His mind was swimming, trying to think of something to say, it was true he hadn’t slept in three days, he was off his meds, and he was lying to you, still.

Grabbing your purse, you headed for the stairs that led to the door, but Malcolm grabbed your wrist, stopping you.

“I’ll fix myself, please baby, don’t go,” Malcolm begged, you tried not to notice the tears in his eyes, he was breaking right in front of you.

“I’m leaving, that’s final,” you said, when you pulled your hand away you stomped down the stairs, not looking back.

Malcolm furiously wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the tears, God, he was pathetic wasn’t he? The only thing that had been keeping him together was you.

He felt a deep rage at himself building inside him and with an enraged scream he swung his arm at the nearest thing he could find, a vase, it shattered into a million little pieces on the floor, it’d take forever to clean up, but he wasn’t done yet.

The whole time you sat in the taxi on the way back to your own home, your mind kept screaming at you to go back.

Malcolm was literally breaking down as you left, you could only imagine the state he was in now. Sleep deprivation and a lack of meds could seriously mess with his mind.

You were an idiot.

“Stop!” you suddenly yelled, making the cab driver slam on his breaks.

“What the hell lady?!” he shouted, turning back to look at you.

“I-I’m sorry, I’ve gotta go back, I made a mistake, here,” you said hurriedly, throwing at least forty dollars in cash at the man before getting out of the cab.

You kicked off your heels, grabbing them as you began running down the side walk. You were maybe a twenty-minute drive from his loft, possibly more than an hour by walking, so you picked up the pace, sprinting.

Hopefully you wouldn’t be too late.

It was forty-five minutes before you finally got back, you were sweating and your feet were on fire, your panty hose ripped from running.

Pushing open the door, you tried to catch your breath as you yelled Malcolm’s name, bounding up the stairs.

The sight you were met with made your stomach drop, the place was a disaster. Shattered decorations and dishes were everywhere, the fucking couch was tipped over, everywhere you looked there was a new mess.

It looked like someone had tried to rob the place, but that obviously wasn’t the case as Malcolm was sitting on the floor of the kitchen, curled into a little ball, rocking back and forth like a scared little boy.

You carefully made your way over to him, dropping your things as you went. Kneeling down beside the man you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Malcolm,” you said, voice soft.

His head snapped up, eyes wide and rimmed red, he was clutching a hand to his chest and you saw it was dripping blood onto his shirt, he must have cut himself on something.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s me,” you said, reaching up to move a bit of hair from his eyes.

Malcolm sniffled, looking down again, it was silent between the two of you, you didn’t really know what to say, he’d never done this before.

“Stay here, I’m going to get the first aid kit,” you said, Malcolm only nodded solemnly as you got up, grabbing the supplies from the bathroom before going to sit next to him on the floor again.

“Give me your hand,” you said, he held out his bloody and shaking hand to you and you got to work, cleaning off the excess blood and the wound before tightly wrapping it in gauze.

Malcolm was silent the whole time, only wincing a bit when you cleaned the cut.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said as you were packing away the medical supplies, you looked up at him and shook your head.

“This is my fault, I shouldn’t have left you alone,” you spoke, your voice still soft.

“No, I’m the fucking idiot who hasn’t slept in three days,” Malcolm grumbled. “Now my lofts destroyed, and my girlfriend is probably going to leave me.”

“Would I be here if I was leaving you?” you asked, making Malcolm shrug.

“Maybe it’s just a ploy to fuck with my head even more,” he told you, “it seems to be everyone else’s favorite past time.”

Leaning down, you pressed a kiss to his forehead, grabbing his hands, “Come on, bed time,” you said.

Malcolm reluctantly followed you to the bed where he let you tuck him in and put on his restraints.

“You sleep, I’ll clean up,” you said, getting up from the bed but Malcolm grabbed you hand, making you fall back down beside him with a small “oof.”

“Stay,” he said, giving you those puppy dog eyes, he knew you couldn’t resist.

Sighing, you gave in, “One sec,” you told him.

You took off your work clothes and grabbed one of his t-shirts that wasn’t on the floor and pulled it over your head before crawling back into bed beside Malcolm.

“Just please don’t hit me in the face or something,” you said, resting your head on his chest.

Malcolm chuckled, “I rarely have night terrors when you’re here,” he reminded you.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m the best I know,” you said, making Malcolm laugh again as you both settled in for the night.

“Love you,” Malcolm said with a yawn.

“Love you too,” you said, closing your eyes.

Given you were now both exhausted, you were asleep within minutes, Malcolm got a full six hours of sleep that night thanks to you.

You slept as his place for a week, refilled his meds and made sure he didn’t stay up too late every night.

Malcolm was right, it only took a week till he was back to normal, but he couldn’t have done it without you.

A/N: Hello my loves, I’m glad you enjoyed the last Malcolm fic I wrote, thank you for all the love. Like I said in my last post requests are open but I am only taking the first ten requests, for my mental health’s sake. Again, love you all and hope you like this story as well! ~ Sara :)

#prodigal son #prodigal son fanfiction #malcolm bright #malcolm whitly #malcolm bright x reader #malcolm x reader #malcolm whitly x reader #martin whitly #jessica whitly #ainsley whitly #michael sheen #tom payne #tom payne x reader #lou diamond phillips

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pleasedontleaveihavenofriends · 5 years ago

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Revenge and Lust

This took me 7 hours. I wrote a whole fucking fanfic in 7 hours because I’m a simp for Bakugou and I’m a whore for Shigaraki. Kyrie is my OC, if anyone wants I’ll give more details on her another time!! I hope you guys like this

THIS IS ANGSTY AF JUST SAYING It’s also mostly smut.

I had fun being horny on main~

Warnings: Very rough, borderline abusive sex, blood kink, slapping kink, Katsuki does a cheat (with Ochako), General angst, abuse mention

Kinks: Breeding, Adoptive Incest, Slapping, Breeding, Pregnancy, Blood, Three-way, Voyeurism (shiggy peeping~), Double Penetration (Vaginal only)

Summary: Shigaraki Kyrie was used to the overly friendly attention of her big brother, having grown up with only him to love and protect her, so she never questioned his overly touchy affection until she escaped One For All and went to UA. She started dating Bakugou Katsuki to try and live a normal life, but things came crashing down when she caught him with her best friend, Ochako. So she decided to break him down and get her revenge.

Word Count: 11309

Ships: Shigaraki x Kyrie (OC), Bakugou x Kyrie (OC)

When Kyrie came to UA, trying to get away from All For One and his horrid experiments and demands involving her quirk, she thought she’d found her home. They’d taken her in, helped her get stable and find a new goal. A less… Family oriented and obsessive goal, even if she’d never mentioned her obsession with her own adoptive brother. She’d fallen for Bakugou Katsuki due to their similarly explosive and borderline abusive behavior, honestly. Her big brother had been the only person to keep her safe, her whole life, so it made sense that the person she’d settled on romantically would be him.However when she came home early from a study session with Midoriya and Kirishima, happily setting down her bags as she shuffled through the door, only to see Ochako and Katsuki’s shoes by the door, she felt her heart drop. Katsuki was supposed to be out on some hero intern trip for the weekend, why was he here? Better yet, why was Ochako at her apartment, with her boyfriend, at almost 2 AM? The short black haired girl froze in place when she heard very feminine moaning, followed by her best friend's name coming out of her boyfriend's mouth. She teared up right away and felt her heart shatter, she wanted to storm in and scream, cut him to pieces and steal his quirk, but she couldn’t. The broken shards filling her chest ached at the idea of hurting him directly… However, as she quietly closed the door and ran away from the apartment, towards the all too familiar bar in the more run down part of the city, towards the one person she knew would never break her like this, Tomura. Kyrie slammed open the bar door, her quiet sobs now broken as she screamed his name, her beloved brother quickly coming into view as she ran at him, hugging him tight. The pale, lanky male was in sweatpants, his hair messy and eyes wide with fear. “W-what the hell, Kyrie? Why are you back here!? If Mast-” She cut him off by looking him straight in the eye, her own round blue orbs steely and full of broken angst and rage. “I want to make them burn. I want them to suffer because they couldn’t stay loyal…” The tall male was shocked at the vindictive words coming out of the sweet, gentle baby sister he’d essentially raised. “Are you sure you want to do that? I thought they were your friends?” Her brother understood that she couldn’t just accept her father’s abusive treatment and morals because he made her, he knew all too well, since he’d been the one to hold her as she sobbed in pain from getting vivisected, from getting experimented on in the name of finding out her quirk limits… She’d been no older than 6 when they made him watch the experiments… When he’d known what her organs looked like because All For One thought that seeing what could happen if he fell out of line was a good idea, instead it fueled the young villain to hurry his plan, just so he could make it clear she was his to protect and cared for.But then she came to him, scared and sobbing after a particular ‘mission’ gone bad, and he’d helped her escape their caretaker. He’d taken her to UA and she’d enrolled, he did everything to make her happy, to make life better for her. And now she was back in his arms. He didn’t know who hurt her, but he was almost thankful for it, with the way she was clinging to him. The way her arms and hands shook with rage as she spoke. She was always too sweet and loving to stand up for herself.“Stupid little sister… Did the heroes break your trust now, too?” She narrowed her eyes before tearing up again, burying her face into her brother’s chest, she took a deep breath and sighed at his scent, a mix of sweat, rose and something she’d gotten used to smelling on her big brother when he was holding her, though she didn’t ever know what it was. “Clinging to me like this… I thought you wanted a normal life, with that stupid Pomeranian of yours.” She’d told him that, a year into staying at UA, with Bakugou… “2 years you made me wait, and now I’m just supposed to trust you’re not going to betray us?” The small girl snorted and clung to him even more. “Tenko, he cheated on me.” There she went, using his real name… the one that made him soft and sweet for her, the name that would bend him to her will and made him willing to kill the whole city just to see her smile. “I’ll make him suffer, then. Who was stupid enough to take him from you? Who thought taking the one thing that kept you sane was a good idea?” He stroked her cheeks softly with his thumbs, tilting her head to look up at him. “Ochako… My best friend.” He let out an angry growl. “I’ll kill them both…” She sighed and closed her eyes, nuzzling against his hand.“Thank you, Tenko… I love you, big brother!” She jumped up and kissed him softly on the nose, wrapping her legs around his waist as she hugged him tight. Tomura growled and caught her, his hands on her outer thighs as she clung to him, and for once she was thankful for her quirk making her basically immune to his touch. They’d realized it when he started training her to fight, when she’d withstood his hands with only small spots of decaying flesh, which rapidly healed over and closed. As she got older it dulled down to a small sting, no blood, though.She still felt horrible, like the boy she loved ripped her heart out and took a sledge hammer to her glass heart, but Tomura soothed the pain, made her mind numb and her heart fluttered. Childhood crushed turned to obsessions did that, though. He hummed and carried her to bed, he carried her up to his bed, tossing her onto it as he tossed off his sweatpants… He’d always hated sleeping in anything but boxers, even as a kid. It’d been completely innocent and platonic at first, clinging to the one person who showed him affection in barely anything during puberty though… It made his ‘brotherly’ affection a bit more… adult. That was part of why he’d been so fine with her leaving. He was almost 22 now, and she was barely 18. Not even in her senior year of high school yet. And yet he’d love nothing more than to pin his baby sister down and fuck her raw into the bed until she couldn’t think of anything but him. But Tomura was nothing if not patient with Kyrie, so he decided until she came to him for that kind of thing, he’d just play the loving, doting brother a bit more. So here they were, stripping out of her UA uniform into just her boy shorts and camisole from the day, laying on her big brother's bed as he stood there and watched her, in only his boxers. She didn’t feel awkward or shy, Tomura had spent hours cleaning her wounds before when she was fresh out of a new test, so it was nothing he hadn’t seen.“Tenko… Come cuddle me… I’ve missed you…” The small ravenette yawned and reached for him, taking his hand and pulling softly. He sighed and rolled his eyes before crawling on top of her, caging her body with his as he held her close, tight. Her soft skin pressed right against him, though he tried not to think about it, ignoring the throb of his cock as his little sister snored under him.And like that, a year of her infiltrating deeper into hero society began, she got her heroes licence, graduated UA and became one of the top 100 in the country, with only a healing quirk to help her. It was unfortunate that Kyrie had to pretend everything was fine as she went to UA, watching her friends all ‘protect’ her from the fact that Katsuki was cheating on her. She found out that both of their friend groups knew, they let her get engaged to Katsuki, pretending everything was fine if she didn’t know. She understood why they were afraid to tell her, she was so clearly close to breaking, mentally. Years of emotional and physical torture coming from your only parent tend to make you broken, unpredictable. She didn’t blame Midoriya or Kirishima, who were so torn up over letting her stay that they’d stopped hanging out with her, feeling so guilty. Ochako kept on hanging around her like nothing was wrong, smiling and laughing with the small chubby girl. Kyrie felt sick every time she saw her now, happiness on her face but disgust filled her to the core. Katsuki almost never asked for sex anymore, which she was grateful for, but that also meant she saw him less, she knew he wasn’t on patrol as much as he said, but she also didn’t want attention on her, at least not right now. So when he did, she was forced to let the man she quite literally was planning to make miserable touch her, to make love to her. He always said he still loved her, smiling and hugging her close. Kyrie was convinced he just loved how stupid and naive she seemed to him.He pulled out of her, rolling off the condom and tossing it into the trash before holding her close. He took in a deep breath, only to freeze. She knew she smelled like Tomura, who smelled nothing like Katsuki. Katsuki smelled sweet, thanks to his quirk, almost like candy. She smelled musky and masculine, with the slight hint of rose. He sat up and looked at her, his eyes cautious. “You smell different…” She hummed and stood up, tossing on her clothes before standing and walking towards the bedroom door. Katsuki caught her wrist and looked her in the eyes, his own worried and alarmed. “Kyrie, we need to talk about this! That’s not your smell, that’s someone-” She pulled her arm away from him, walking towards the apartment door. The same one she’d caught him in a year ago.“I’m trying to use less perfume and stuff.” She shrugged and started putting on her shoes and double checking her utility belt. “You’re gonna be home tomorrow, right? I mean, it’s our anniversary so I was gonna make you some dinner.” Katsuki scratched his neck and smiled shyly at her. He was always like this, pretending to care and acting sweet. “I have more patrol assigned tomorrow. You’d know that if you listened to me. I told you all week. But you were busy with your own hero work, so it’s fine!” She smiled and kissed his cheek, ignoring the bile in her throat as he hugged her.She was intentionally making him feel guilty, since he knew he’d been with Ochako during his free time. “You’ve been pulling so many extra shifts I figured I’d take more too, I honestly forgot that was tomorrow. I can’t just call in sick now, they’re depending on me…” He sighed and let her go, fluffing her hair. “Fine, I’ll just… Find something to do…” Kyrie smiled and closed the apartment door, leaving the complex as she made her way towards the bar, casually of course, she really was supposed to be on patrol, but a sneaky visit to her beloved brother wasn’t so bad… Not compared to trading integral secrets of hero society for cuddles and not so brotherly affection. She stopped in front of the bar door and stepped in, smiling as Toga launched up and hugged her tightly. “I’ll go tell the hand pervert you’re here, Kyrie.” Dabi stood up and walked upstairs, only to come right back down. “I can hear him moaning from the other end of the hall, nope.” Kyrie blushed and laughed. “He’s busy, not a good time then, huh?” Dabi laughed and rolled his eyes. “Toga what was that about how she acts around Shigaraki?” Toga smirked at the other female and her hips a bit. “She wants her big brother to plow her into the bed~” Kyrie turned bright red and playfully punched Toga. “Shut up! I don’t- Ugh. Whatever. I was just stopping by on patrol, figured I’d tell you guys that there’s nothing new in person. Just those two idiots acting like I haven’t caught on. Especially Bakugou. He was planning a cute dinner date for our anniversary, y’know.” The blonde girl sighed and sat on the bar stool next to them, spinning a bit.“Shame, I bet he’s amazing in bed… Too bad he’s a liar.” Toga growled out before smiling at Kyrie. “Shigaraki says he’s a moron for hurting you, let alone letting you go.” The black haired girl hummed and sat too, rolling her eyes. “Oh he thinks I’m still his stupid little sweetheart, pliable and compliant for him.” Kyrie blushed a bit. “And before touching him made me want to vomit, yeah he was amazing in bed…” She growled and stood up. “Gotta get on patrol before the idiots notice, tell big brother not to sleep in his mess for me Toga, he gets weird when he does that~” And with that the healer hero was back into her guise of a sweet, loving hero.Patrol was quick, no problems coming up in her sector, though they never did, the villains seemed to avoid her area, thanks to Shigaraki’s threat on their lives. Kyrie stepped into the apartment and smelled peach candles, only she hated peach. Of course she knew that’s all Katsuki had, since he was always buying them for Ochako. Trying to make a cute date with his fiancee using the candles his lover likes, she felt sick. It almost immediately put her in a bad mood. “Katsuki… What’s this?” She tried not to glare at him.The explosive blonde jumped and turned to face her, setting his phone face down. Texting Ochako as he was trying to gain her favor, what the hell? He smiled and hugged her. “You said you’re gonna be busy tomorrow, so I figured if you had no problems I’d just make our date tonight.” She laughed cutely, hugging him. How badly she wanted to enjoy his hugs and kisses again. She could crush his whole world right now, just tell him she knew…That she knew and had betrayed them all, that she’d been sleeping almost naked next to her big brother, who’d kidnapped and tried to kill Katsuki multiple times… That she’d asked him to since she’d found out he cheated on her, and that’s why his sector was so chaos filled and required so many heroes patrolling, while she ‘took care’ of Shigaraki’s hideout sector, hiding her brother from the heroes as the Shigaraki siblings planned to take them down. It was a sick satisfaction, knowing when he came home beaten and almost dead that she’d caused that, having told Tomura that he’d be on patrol and exactly when Katsuki had left just so she could play the loving fiancee and make him feel guilty for cheating and breaking her heart.Even if he thought she didn’t know, she could see the guilt in his eyes when she helped heal him, or did something sweet and amazingly thoughtful. He thought she was being the loving soon to be wife, while she took the chances to distract him from the coup she was planning with her big brother and his organization. She decided, she’d waited long enough. She’d ruin his life in a week, with the easy part coming in the morning.Right now, she needed to seduce him and get him to pass out, before anything. She bit her lip and looked up at Katsuki, pressing against his chest. “As much as I love your cooking,” She had loved his cooking, once. Now she just ate cup ramen and food from cans. “I’d rather have you~” Another lie, she’d loved it when he touched her before, it made her feel loved and safe. But now it made her want to vomit and sob with still fresh heartbreak. She knew it wouldn’t go away until he’d suffered like she had. He’d ruined her trust in heroes so easily, so now she’d break his world just like he did to her.“I love you, Kyrie… So much.” He picked her up and walked to the bedroom, the amazing meal he’d made long forgotten few hours later, Kyrie walked into the kitchen and picked up his phone, taking screenshots of his conversations with Uraraka before sending them to Shigaraki via some program he’d written just for her to use. -Baked-Bean: Here, send these to my phone, I’ll take care of the rest~ Definitely play up the ‘didn’t want to get involved in your new life but I’m such a loving brother’ act, so I can dismiss you interfering. I can ruin his reputation that way~ Chapstick-Gremlin: Ugh. Fine. Go fuck yourself… Chapstick-Gremlin: I love you, Kyrie. Baby-Baked-Bean: I love you too, Tenko~ In the morning, Kyrie made it a point to start sobbing and crying, waking up Katsuki with a start as he came running, in just his underwear. “Babe! What’s wrong!?” She threw her phone at him, it missed and hit the wall, shattering. Good. “Okay, you’re upset. What happened?” He perked up. “Did they finally catch that damn villain?” Shigaraki and he had developed a rivalry with ease, considering Katsuki claimed to love her and Shigaraki really did.“You cheated on me! With Ochako!” She sobbed and hid her face, playing up the betrayed act. Now that she was established as an amazing and loving person in hero society, she’d have no problem breaking his reputation, while a year ago no one would have believed her and called her a liar and a villain. She’d saved so many lives, just for this moment, to see the look of broken shock cross his face. He knew exactly what she meant, and he knew if she was bringing it up, she’d seen enough evidence to damn him. “Kyrie-” She sobbed again and covered her ears. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen! We just… I didn’t want to pressure you into sex, not after everything you went through! Especially with how you talked about your creepy brother!” She glared at him, snarling. “You cheated on me because of my brother!? Because you didn’t want to pressure me into sex!? Then why are they RECENT, Katsuki!? Tell me that!” She sobbed and threw a pillow at him, she was standing and pacing now. “Just get out! You can’t justify leading me on for years, Katsuki! I loved you, and you just… Betrayed me like this!” She let out a broken sob as she crumpled to the floor. Katsuki picked her up, setting her on the bed as she smacked at his hands, at least until he got on his knees and rested his face on her leg, sobbing. “Please don’t leave me! God. I fucking love you. Kyrie I’ve never said this honestly but... I fucked up, and I kept fucking up but I don’t love her!” She let out a small sob and looked away from him. “You don’t love me either, Bakugou. If you did, it would have just happened once! Not for a whole year!” She glared at him. “You think I didn’t notice? The little smirks at your phone, coming home late, missing dates for sudden jobs, and worse when I called your agency they told me you had the day off! I’ve known Katsuki! That’s not my fucking problem!” She shoved him back, standing up and walking past him as she got dressed. “Now someone else who has the motive to ruin you does… You were reckless, and now if I want to keep my rank… Someone needs to be the bad guy in this… Neither of our fans will just let this go… It’ll either be my fault as the fucked up trauma case or you’re going to get blamed for being a horny pig… And I’ve worked too damn hard to go out like this!” She slapped him as he got up. Hard enough to make his head snap to the side, what made her feel the slightest pang of regret, was his next move. He didn’t yell, or get upset like she’d expected…He *smiled* at her, tears running down his face as he sobbed. “I know… I don’t blame you for it, either… It’s a dark business we’re in, huh?” She glared at him, now he’d taken her right to feel angry. She wanted him to try and make her the bad guy, not make her feel pity for him. She wanted to coo at him. Tell him it was fine and she still loved him, but she’d told him when they got together, if he ever loved anyone else, it’d ruin her… And she didn’t know what that would do. That’s how she was justifying this… She’d warned him.“I never thought I’d have to make good on my promise, Katsuki… I expected more from you… I wanted a family with you… I love you. And now I need to do this…” She let out a small hiccup, only to glare at him. “It’s your fault!” She shoved him again, this time towards the door. “Get out!!” She screamed and he took his clothes, dressing quickly before leaving. She only let it all out when she heard the door close.She sobbed for a good while, finally letting it out. Letting out the hurt she felt. There was no satisfaction in revenge, she realized. Just a kind of sick amusement at hurting someone else like they hurt you. She finally stopped crying and called up Midoriya, yet again playing up the broken fiancee act. Once again her rage built up as Midoriya made a fool of himself, apologizing and begging her to forgive him, as if she was mad at him of all people. “I’m not upset with you Izuku… You’re the person I’m the least upset with…” She sighed and rubbed her face. “I need to make a statement before the press gets ahold of this…” Midoriya sighed on the other end. “The fans are *not* going to be happy…” Kyrie was eating breakfast, her voice conveyed hurt and betrayal, and yet she was just carrying on with life like nothing happened as she picked out an outfit for the sudden interview. ***News Report*** This morning fans of Pro Hero on the rise Healer Hero: Nephilim were shocked to find her accounts on social media had been hacked and the notorious villain ring leader, Shigaraki Tomura had posted screenshots of Ground Zero’s scandalous affair with Uravity! Exclusive Interview to be live streamed in two hours with the three heroes themselves, done separately of course… Wouldn’t want a fight to break out in the studio!” ***News Report*** Shigaraki felt nauseous as he watched his baby sister sit there, her cute pink sweater and adorably styled hair making her seem sweet and innocent, while her long bright pink skirt was wrenched around in her hands, a tell tale sign of anxiety. Her face was red, she hadn’t even bothered with makeup to hide the tear stains nor did she try to hide the pain on her face. She’d just been cheated on, why should she hide it?Kyrie looked up at the reporter and gave them a weak smile. “It’s our anniversary today… 3 years… God I’m stupid huh, a whole year, he’s been cheating on me!” She smiled through the tears, the live chat blowing up with words of support, so different from the interview done just minutes ago with Bakugou. He’d intentionally spun his story into her favor, making himself sound bad… Just for her. And she was here making him look worse.The reporter gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her arm before handing her a box of tissues. “I didn’t think I could cry anymore… I want to blame Tomura… But I know this is just his way of looking out for me… I’m his baby sister after all… And he can’t stand ‘Suki… Ah, Bakugou, I mean.” The live chat blew up again, saying that she was stupid for believing a villain, while the majority supported her. She read the chat and glared at the camera. “I believe him with ease because he’s the one who saved me from my father’s abuse. He got me out of that life and I love my brother for it! He would never lie and hurt me like this.” Kyrie smiled and sighed, knowing it was true made her feel at ease. A question came up on chat. Do you still love him? The question was anonymous, but she almost immediately broke down into sobs, and they weren’t even fake. “I won’t lie… I love him so much It hurts… Katsuki was my everything, and he hurt me like this… For what? Because I didn’t want to have sex after getting out of a majorly abusive situation? After-” Kyrie paled a bit… “I can’t believe I’m about to admit this… A week before the sports festival, when I made my debut at UA… I was attacked, almost killed. My brother decided to get me out after that, and I met Katsuki, he told me he understood… And he loved me anyways… But now I know the truth… It doesn’t make it hurt less.” The reporter sat up and began the interview, the timer for questions and interactions running out. They asked basic questions, what she planned to do now, who she was staying with, what she was going to do about the hate she’d received. And she answered with ease as she lied and made herself sound so sweet and dedicated to her job as a hero. And while she wasn’t lying when she said she wanted to save people… She didn’t believe in heroes anymore, but saying that to her fans wasn’t wise. Before the interview wrapped up, Kyrie was debating something once again. “I wanted to kill myself, you know… But my quirk would have just fixed any damage I did… So I just decided to throw myself into work, y’know.” The reporter hugged her as she left, apologizing in person, saying she shouldn’t have to deal with such a horrid betrayal. Kyrie left and went to the apartment, finding Bakugou packing his things. “Bakugou…” Katsuki perked up and looked at her, seeing her tear stained face made him feel less upset about his own. “Hey… So it’s all in the open now, huh?” She sighed and fluffed her hair. “Yeah… It is, Katsuki.” He let out a sad whimper when she said his name. He stepped towards her, holding her face as he kissed her goodbye. “I’ve got all my stuff out… I really do still love you, you know… I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone again… Not after having someone as amazing as you…” She smiled sadly at him, pressing a hand to his cheek.“And I’m glad a lying cheater like you is finally out of my life.” She stepped away from him and went to the fridge, grabbing a canned tea. He froze and looked at her in shock. “You know, making you feel so horrible and guilty was easy, after I heard you two fucking on our last anniversary I decided to make you as miserable as you’ve made me… To tear down any good reputation you had and make the world know what kind of person you are…” She smiled at him, her eyes dark and dangerous. “I guess years of abuse really did fuck up my head after all~”Katsuki narrowed his eyes, confused and hurt as he crossed his arms. “W-what?” She laughed and sipped her tea. “Katsuki. I ruined everything you’ve worked towards, everything you live for is ruined, just like you shattered my dreams with you.” She sat on the stool by the counter. “Only… No one will believe you if you say that now~ You’re an established liar and pig.” Katsuki was in shock, there was no way his sweet loving girlfriend would just… Ruin him like that. But then he realized he'd been her last lifeline, along with Ochako. And he’d cheated on her, with her only other friend who really knew anything about her life with All For One. She’d gone deep into her revenge plan, and she’d won. She’d been planning this since she’d found out, and now that he knew, he couldn’t do anything. Kyrie perked up and smirked at him. “It’s okay though~ Tomura has been taking *real* good care of me, making sure I feel loved and everything. Giving me everything I need~” She glared at him. “Now get out.” She was in contact with Shigaraki? Wait-“What are you planning?” Kyrie stood and grabbed him by the shirt. “I am going to ruin your life, make you feel as broken and helpless as I felt. Then maybe we can talk~” She shoved him out the door, along with the last few boxes he’d had before slamming the door in his face.Patrol was easy, yet again. And now that no one was waiting for her, who’d notice her failure to return, she decided to go visit her brother. She walked into the bar, seeing it empty, she shrugged and went up to Tomura’s room. Loud moans and mumbling were audible from the stairs as she walked up, she realized he was dirty talking himself.“Fuck, I’m so damn hard for her… God I want to fuck that cute little mouth of hers… Cum in her… I bet he’s never fucked her right… Nothing worth fighting for, at least… I want her so damn bad… Fuck I’m cumming! Kyrie-” She moaned and quickly knocked on the door, her face bright red as she heard him fall off his bed and stumble to put on clothes. “Who the hell- oh… Oh!” Tomura went to slam the door in Kyrie’s face, but she stepped into his room and ignored his protests. “So, how was it? Jerking off while thinking of your little sister?” She bit her lip and sat on his bed, her eyes drifting to the shirt she’d noticed had gone missing in the last few months. “Hey… That’s my favorite shirt, y’know.” He groaned and glared at her as she picked it up, noticing the lack of cum.“Did you not cum yet, Tenko?” The male groaned and bucked his hips a bit. “You didn’t… Hm~” She blushed and started taking off her shirt and pants. “W-what are you doing?!” She relaxed onto his bed, now in her underwear as she gently patted her belly. “Come cuddle!” He growled and looked away from her. “Tenko~ Please?”She spread her legs, her panties had ridden up and were giving him a nice view, even if he couldn’t see her core yet, he saw the rapidly growing damp spot in between her legs. “You’re going to kill me if you keep being so sexy, Kyrie…” She hummed and smirked as he took back off his sweatpants, his hard, thick, huge uncut cock throbbing as he blushed and buried his face in her chest. His hard length rubbing against her clit through the thin material of her panties.“Ah, you’re so fucking wet for me… I bet he couldn’t make you feel this good just like this, hm? You’re such a horny slut, wanting your brother’s cock like this… Nasty little slutty sister… I bet you’d cum on his cock by imagining me…” Kyrie blushed and nodded, biting her lip and he played with her large chest. “I want you to ride my thigh. Cum like a good slutty sister” Kyrie blushed even more, as if it was possible and looked away from his prying vermilion eyes. “Yes sir…” He groaned and fell onto his back, letting his thick, heavy dick slap against his stomach as he pumped it a few times, watching her like a predator stalking its prey. Kyrie settled her chubby thighs over his own, straddling him as she bucked lightly, moaning at the sudden friction. “Tenko… It feels nice…” Her clit was jumping in anticipation as she lightly humped her big brother’s leg, making him pump his cock a bit faster. “I told you to cum, not play around. Ride my thigh and earn the right to take my dick.”

The chubby girl whined and rode faster against his leg, bucking and moving as she watched him jerk off to the show she was giving him.“You ever do something like this with that damn Pomeranian? You ride him like this, slut?” Her small frame shuddered in pleasure when he slapped her chest, making her heavy breasts jump and bounce as he slapped them around. “He always treated you like a cute doll, didn’t he? Never fucked you nice and rough like you need?” Kyrie moaned and rode his thigh faster, her hand smacking his away as she stroked his cock quickly, trying to get him to cum with her. Her big brother growled and smacked her, hard. Right in the face, before he shoved her onto the bed and ripped her bra off, followed by ripping her underwear away. “Slut. You only get my cum if it’s inside. You want your big brother’s cock? You want to take my cum and breed my heir? You naughty little whore… I bet you’re almost cumming just from imagining me fucking a baby into you, hm? Want to breed with your big brother and give him a baby?” Her soft face was full of lust, her eyes glazed over in pleasure as she nodded.“Say it, bitch!” She cried out as he slapped her a few more times. “Say you want me to fuck a baby into you. Tell me you’re my little slut, my cum dumpster, you’re my filthy little sister and no one else's!” He grabbed her throat, both hands wrapped tight as he slammed his cock deep into her tight cunt, ramming it in deep as he growled and choked her, ignoring her grasps at his hands. “Cum on my dick, slut. Make me cum in this tight little pussy. Earn the right to have my baby.” Kyrie squeaked and came hard, her tight cunt gripping and milking his huge cock as he rammed deep into her, her sweet voice full of lust and desire.

He growled and let go of her throat, just as she started passing out, he slapped her as hard as he could. “Stay the fuck awake, I’m not done with you yet… I’ve wanted this slutty pussy for *years* and I’m not stopping now!” He snarled and picked up her lower half, making her sit there, her legs up on his shoulders as he sat on his knees, teasing her clit as he rammed harder into her. “Fuck yes, that’s it baby. Take my cock nice and deep, just like that. God you’re so fucking *tight* and wet for me!” He laughed loudly, his eyes wide as he rubbed her clit, his hips still slamming her against her as he made her scream.“Fuck Tenko I’m gonna cum again!” He let out a loud growl and slapped her hard again, making her lip bust a bit, a small trail of blood staining her pretty pale skin. “Fuck you look so good in red… I want to see more of you~” She squeaked and dug her nails into his back as she came, making him cry out as he came into her tight cunt, his cum jetting deep into her as his tip kissed the entrance or her womb, the thick, heavy head of his cock plugging her up as she took his thick load. She relaxed against the bed as he pulled out, licking the blood from her lip.

“Tenko… That’s definitely something I didn’t know you’d like…” She blushed and covered her face a bit. “You came in me…” He smirked and picked her up, flipping her over, her ass high in the air as he made her stand with her elbows on the bed, his semi-soft cock ramming deep into her dripping slit as he fucked her hard, his heavy sac slapping against her clit as he fucked her all over again.“I’m going to fucking ruin you with this cock, you’ll never be able to cum unless it’s on my cock… You want that little sister? To cum on your big brother’s cock and breed his heir? You want it so fucking bad, don’t you? Fuck it feels like you’re already milking me.”

He suddenly pulled out, making Kyrie let out a small sob. “I was so close!” Tomura growled and yanked her hair, making her face him, his cock covered in cum and a mix of their passion. “Suck while I get something for you~” She hummed and took the hair tie from her wrist, sucking on the head at first before she took more into her mouth, eventually bobbing as he growled and dug around in the closet by his bed.“Here. Ass up, Kyrie. Now.” She blushed and bit her lip, smirking. She wanted to challenge him, at least a little bit. Another hard slap sent her into the bed, crying out in pain as he forced her onto her knees, his huge throbbing cock quickly pumping in and out of her again. “Good slut. Take that cock…”

Tomura growled and grabbed her hair, making her moan before his other hand went between her legs, and just as something cold brushed her clit, it jumped to life, vibrating roughly as it forced her to cum then and there.“W-wait! No, I can’t take that and your cock at once! I can’t- ahhh~” She moaned and fell to the bed, her ass still up and ready for him to dominate. She was overstimulated and the constant vibrating was making her go crazy with pleasure.“Come on slut, I know you’ve got more in you!” His hand released her hair just to slap her in the face. “Fucking cum you filthy whore! Did you ever let your precious hero cum in you like this? Or did he not want to? God your womb’s milking me so much it’s like you’ve never had a creampie… Fuck you’re too much of a breeding slut for that, huh? You definitely need more of your Master’s cum…” He snarled as she came again, slapping her hard as he picked her up by her throat, fucking into her as he choked her again, this time with one hand. “God you’re such a damned slut… Just for me though! This pussy is all mine to breed and fuck however I see fit, huh?”

She moaned and nodded as the constant assault on her throbbing core ripped another orgasm out of her, making her scream as she thrashed. Tomura laughed and fucked her harder, making her ass bounce from the force of his hips as he let her drop back onto the bed. “Good slut. Cum more. Milk me, fucking take it bitch!” He came deep and hard yet again, more of his thick white cum filling up her shivering hole as she moaned and thrashed under him, multiple orgasms taking over as she just kept cumming around him. “Fuck you’re gonna make me cum again already! God, you’re too damned good.”

Tomura’s heavy balls were all he could think of, emptying them deep into his baby sister as she played hero.“Fuck I want to make you so fucking swollen with my babies, just so I can see that damned hero beat himself up over letting you go! You’d like that, wouldn’t you. Slut? You’d love to take my cock just like this with him watching wouldn’t you?” He moaned, sinful and needy as he kept thrusting, a light sheen on his body as he fucked her deep and hard, cum was dripping out of her, and yet here she was, more than willing to take more of his cum. “I’m gonna take the vibrator off, and you’re gonna cum from just my cock, got it slut?” She thrashed and tried to pull off of his cock. “Fuck- Tenko I can’t take anymore! Please stop!” She was sobbing from the mix of over stimulation and pleasure.

Her big brother growled and slapped her hard, when she didn’t stop he slapped her again and again, not stopping his rough thrusts for a split second, every time she screamed or sobbed, taking his cock and abuse, he swore he almost came then and there, watching her come undone and drop the stupid hero act was amazing for him.Seeing his sweet, loving baby sister become an overwhelmed cock crazy slut just for him was addictive, it sent shivers down his spine that had him cumming in seconds, however he didn’t stop, he kept thrusting through his orgasm, working past his own pleasure as his baby sister thrashed against his cock.

“Cum slut. I know you’re close! Do it!” He growled and reeled back a few times, slaps sending her head from side to side in quick succession, it seemed the pain was all she needed to cum again, more orgasms ripping through her small chubby body, causing her to babble incoherently and buck against him. “Fuck- Nng I’m coming again! God, I need you to cum with me. I want you to squirt for me. Come on bitch!” He snarled and kept his brutal pace as he fucked into her. “Shigaraki! Please- I can’t take it anymore!” He growled and grabbed her by the throat with one hand as he kissed her, choking her as she took his cock. “Cum bitch. Come on your big brothers dick as he fucks you raw, you want me to breed you? Beg for my fucking cum, slut.” She groaned and rolled a bit, hiding her face as she let out such lewd noises and cries.

He snarled into her ear as he sunk his teeth into multiple points on her neck, making her moan.“Fuck! God, Tenko please cum in me! Fill me up and breed my slutty womb, knock me up and make me yours!” She screamed, bloodcurdling, loud and full of desire. Even well after he’d cum and pulled out, her eyes were rolled back and thighs were still shaking as she came, her tight cunt being kept full by his cum and cock, which was sudden and made Kyrie thrash against him. “Fuck! No more Tenko! Really, god. I can’t take any-” She cut off as he kissed her, soft and sweet. Full of love and passion.“That was amazing… I really do want you to have my kid, by the way… I’ve thought of it for years, Kyrie…” She hummed and nuzzled his neck, wrapping her arms around it as she kissed him softly. “I love you, you silly little sister…” She hummed and kissed him more.“I love you too, Tenko… I feel so damn full right now~” She laughed and squealed as he flipped them over. “Jeez, easy big brother, I’m delicate~” Tomura looked over the bruise on her cheek and the bites he’d left on her neck in the passion of his own orgasm. “God damn… Look at you, ah shit. I really did bust your lip… Let me-” She cut him off with a kiss. “Just sleep for now, okay?” She yawned and held him tighter, her legs wrapped tight around his waist.“Fine, just because I know you’ll be completely healed in the morning, though… Fuck that was so good… I came so damn hard.” The small woman leaned up and kissed him, effectively shutting up her brother.“Sleep, Shigaraki.”

Kyrie woke up first the next morning, quickly realizing that her brother was in fact, still deep inside of her, and was also still equally hard. “Fuck… He’s going to be horny…” As if on cue, her brother rose from his own sleep. Clinging to her like a desperate child in need for its mother. “Don’t get up yet… I don’t want you to leave.” She hummed and rocked her hips. “Not a chance I’m leaving just yet~” He laughed and sat up, smirking at her as he groped her chest. “I’m barely awake, slut. You already want my cum that bad?” Kyrie laughed and wrapped her legs tighter around his waist. “Yep, I do~” She moaned as he started to thrust, burying his face right back into her chest, only now he was sucking her nipple as he fucked her. Tomura was much more gentle this time, still pleasing her, but now he was being more caring, more attentive. “You want to cum first, or do you want to watch me cum in you?”

He spoke around her nipple, caught between his teeth. “I want your cum Master~”Shigaraki groaned and sat up, lifting her hips a bit so he could rest her on his lap before he started fucking her deep and hard, despite his sweet and gentle pace, his thumb caressing the swollen bud of nerves between her legs as he fucked her raw, sore cunt. He looked so soft and needy right now, brows furrowed and worried as he closed his eyes, moaning as he enjoyed her tight walls on his giant dick. “F-fuck… I love sucking your tits, I didn’t even think I was this into breasts…” She hummed and sat up, biting his neck as he made her cum on his cock. “Fucking cum for me Tenko, cum in me and breed me like a good slut~”They stayed there for a moment, that is, until his door flung open, Toga and Dabi standing there on the other side.

Dabi looked a bit disturbed and ready to leave while Toga looked excited. “Dabi! You owe me 200 dollars! Kyrie got that crusty hand pervert dick after all!!” She squealed and slammed the door, running away in glee over her friends getting laid, despite them being siblings. Toga always made the point of *adoptive* siblings. They’re not blood so it’s fine! At least that’s what she said.“Whelp. We could either go deal with that or- Oh fuck!” Kyrie let out a cry of pleasure as he started fucking her again. “I’ll stay here and make my slutty baby sister cum on my cock, thanks~”

The week went by fast, thanks to the two Shigaraki siblings fucking their time away. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Tomura had gotten her pregnant, and he’d come up with an amazingly horrid way to get back at Katsuki. Agree to take him back, only for her to announce that she’d been betraying them the whole time and shattering him all over again. Kyrie knew this was for her brother’s satisfaction, not hers, but she wasn’t about to refuse Tomura’s wishes.She was currently taking his cock, rough and deep as she typed out the message to Katsuki, telling him that she missed him, and wanted to make it work if he did.

That she’d thought it over and just couldn’t hate him. He’d completely isolated himself, taken a vacation from the agency, stopped seeing anyone, friends and family included. He’d gone into a deep depression from losing her, and even people who hated him now could tell how much losing Kyrie shattered his heart.“God, you must really hate him, taking your own brother’s cock as you tell him you still love him? Do you?” Kyrie whimpered and came hard as he fucked her, his own release filling her up and making her walls stretch a bit. “Fuck- Maybe! I don’t know- I can’t think with your cock inside of me!!” She sobbed in pleasure and came hard again before Tomura pulled out, cum slopping out of her packed pussy in rivers, making a puddle on the bed under them.“You gonna let him fuck you right away? Mmm… You should… Let me watch, too. I bet he won’t make you cum~”

Kyrie paled and shook her head. “I can’t let him see me like this!” She whimpered as he smacked her raw ass, her brother had taken to using knives to draw blood, and though he cut deep and she should be much more broken than she was, she was fine. Her quirk healed any immediate damage and the scars were gone by morning. “He won’t see you until tonight, just set up your webcam. I want to watch my baby sister get fucked, is that so bad? I need to see if you’re such a slut that you’ll cum on his cock too~”She glared at him. “You need to get him to creampie you anyways~” She groaned and rolled her eyes. “Fine! Ugh, you are such a pervert!” She smiled and kissed Tomura happily, despite what they were planning, she still loved her brother, and she would die for him.

But when Katsuki answered, he sent a video, he sounded so happy and hopeful, so utterly blissed out that she was even considering taking him back, he was crying. And she felt nothing but guilt.Later that night she sat on the bed, in a cute orange and black lingerie set, Tomura had insisted. To sell the bit, he’d said. The thin velvet corset fit her short chubby frame beautifully, and the sexy matching lace panties made her thick chubby thighs look flawless, the thigh-high stockings making her legs look wonderful, the big chunky heels, bright orange and tall, made her a true sight, ready to fuck and take anything thrown at her. Katsuki was expecting a long, drawn out talk. To talk things over and settle their issues, so when his not-so-ex ex opened the door, in the premium lingerie his agency had custom made for her before their anniversary, a gift, they’d said, his cock immediately jumped to life.

He’d been more than ready to go his whole life without sex again, if it meant being with the woman he loved. And yet here she was, almost naked, in his set. Looking up at him like he meant the world to her… Kyrie growled and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him down into a rough, needy kiss. “We’re going to get everything out of the way… I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re not going to be able to think of any other woman but me…” She growled and bit his neck hard, drawing blood before dragging him to the bedroom and shoving him onto the mattress.“K-Kyrie! Fuck wait- Oh holy shit~”

He was trying to calm her down, to tell her she was the one he’d think of when he and Ochako had sex, that he’d always used protection and never even thought of her sexually. She’d been a glorified sex toy to him, he only ever had eyes for Kyrie, she didn’t give him a chance though, his pants and shirt were already off, and now he was in nothing but his shoes, with his pants around his ankles, she was rubbing his cock through the thin fabric.“T-take it easy! Do you even have any-” She growled and stood, shoving him onto his back as she straddled his waist, ripping his boxers just to get to his cock. He wasn’t as big or thick as Tomura, she noted, and she didn’t think she’d be able to enjoy it like she did her big brother’s huge member. But she’d at least put on a good act.

“You’re going to fuck me raw, understand? You’re done being a whore, because you’re mine, and if you’re not going to be with me, you’re going to feel like shit for it for the rest of your life, you got that?!” She slammed her hips hard down into his own, taking his cock deep, and without missing a beat she started riding him like a mad bitch in heat. “Tch, you’re not even that big~ It’s not like many other women would want you when they find out you’re only average size…” She growled and took out the vibrator Tomura had given her, pressing it to her clit, making her moan. “Better, I might actually cum now… You know I’ve always faked orgasms with you, Katsuki. Maybe if you’re really sorry you’ll finally make me have one now, hm?”

Katsuki felt his world shatter.She’d seemed so happy with him, but he’d never even been able to make her cum. Any pleasure he was feeling went out the window, the orgasm she quickly made him close to drying up, even as she rode him. “I really didn’t? Fuck- I figured you faked a few, but I never made you cum?” She was lying through her teeth, she’d cum so many times at the start she couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone else, but then she caught him and her touch repulsed her. “Not one~” She moaned and slid off of him, cumming hard as the vibrator made her squirt a bit. Tomura had really made her into a sloppy whore, she’d squirt any time she came now, but Katsuki didn’t know that, he watched her cum and assumed this was the first he’d ever witnessed. “You’re a squirter? I really never made you cum at all, did I?” He let out a needy whimper, ignoring his throbbing cock he got on the bed, his head settled between her legs as he greedily licked and sucked on her clit, he had no clue that she’d been taking another man’s cum that morning, let alone that she’d probably gotten pregnant from him fucking her.

“Oh? What 's going to make me cum with your mouth?” She laughed and pulled at his hair. “That’s it, work that clit. Mn-” Katsuki let out a small noise and slipped a few fingers into her, working her clit and g-spot at once, making her quickly cum. “Sh-shit! Cumming~” She came hard into his mouth. Her body arched and bucked as she rode out her high, once she’d come down she glared at him. “Fucker… That was… Really good. Actually. I mean, not the best…” A lie, she glanced at the webcam, a small smirk on her face. Tomura could make her cum 4 more times in that short time that it took Katsuki to make her cum once. She sat up and flipped Katsuki over, she started riding him, moaning a bit as she bucked into him, only to hear a small sob.

She looked at Katsuki and froze in shock. He was crying, and she had no clue why.“I really am the worst, huh? Why do you even want me back?” He looked so broken and hurt, Kyrie felt her heart clench as she leaned down and kissed him, it was soft, sweet and full of love. She sighed and shook her head.“I don’t know… I just miss you too much, I guess.” She rolled her eyes and started riding him all over again. “Well? Come on, make it up to me, I said I’d work you overtime, didn’t I?” Katsuki looked up at her, and without a word he was in control, slamming into her so roughly she thought she’d pass out. “If this is how I earn you back, I’m going to fuck you so much you can’t move!”

He growled and trapped her under his body, fucking into her desperately. He was still trying to be gentle, even as he fucked her like this.“Fuck I’m gonna cum, Kyrie.” She moaned and rocked against him, biting her lip. She closed her eyes and covered her face, imagining Tomura’s huge cock deep inside of her, filling her up and breeding her as he cut and slapped her around, abusing her just because he could, and she came hard, multiple times in a row as she squirted everywhere. Katsuki came after her first orgasm, keeping his cock deep inside of her as he came.He groaned and rested on her chest, huffing. “Fuck… You’re so fucking perfect. I love you so damn much!” Katsuki groaned and started moving all over again, trying his best to make her cum, little did he know she was imagining her brother, his cock and cum inside of her instead of his.

The next few months were amazingly sweet. Katsuki made it public that they were back together, and she explained in an interview that she really did love him, despite his betrayal, which was true. Even Shigaraki knew the blonde still held a place in his baby sister’s heart. Right next to the hold he’d dug for himself throughout their childhood.The two heroes went on patrol together whenever the other was scheduled, went on dates and just generally had fun… And for a while, Kyrie forgot that she was in another scheme. That is until her morning sickness took over. Making her spend her mornings in the bathroom instead of in bed with Katsuki.

A quick trip to the OB told her she was 4 months pregnant, and that they should be happy to hear it was a healthy set of quadruplets. Katsuki was ecstatic when they got home, Kyrie had messaged Tomura to tell him the news, though she wasn’t as excited.

Baby-Baked- Bean: I know we had a plan… But Tenko I still fucking love him, I can’t shatter his heart like that again! He really does love me, and it’s not okay! What we’re doing isn’t… It’s not right!

Chapstick-Gremlin: You’re kidding? You were the one who wanted this!

BabyBaked-Bean: I know what I said, Tenko! But it’s not okay that I’m just fucking with his whole life like this! What we’re about to do is trauma Tenko!! He just cheated on me!!

Chapstick-Gremlin: JUST!? WAS HE THE ONE THERE TO PICK YOU UP WHEN YOUR HEART WAS SHATTERED AND BROKEN BECAUSE OF HIM!? NO I FUCKING DID!!! AND NOW YOU JUST WANT TO TAKE MY FUCKING FAMILY AND LEAVE FOR HIS SAKE!?

Baby-Baked-Bean: Leave?

Baby-Baked-Bean: Who said I was leaving, Tenko?”

Chapstick-Gremlin: W-what??

Chapstick-Gremlin: What the hell are you talking about?

Baby-Baked-Bean: Don’t worry… He’s so desperate to keep me, I think he might just agree to be a villain… If you promise not to kill him?

Chapstick-Gremlin: I get to let Dabi beat his ass *once*, right?

Baby-Baked-Bean: We’ll be home by tonight, Tenko~

Kyrie let out a soft sigh and got out of the car, smiling at Katsuki. “We need to talk, ok? I swear, it’s not… Bad. Well. Not that bad.”Katsuki froze and looked at her, the door only just having closed behind her. “Oh god, you’re leaving me. I’m not enough and you’re leaving.” He looked terrified and heart broken, ready to cry. “W-what did I do wrong? I promise I’m tr- MMF” She cut him off in a passionate kiss, pulling his hair roughly before shoving him to the bed. “No, I’m not leaving you. Okay?”He let out a relieved sigh and gave her a wry smile. “Okay…”She bit her lip and decided to just blurt it out, the worst case is he tells the world and she has a real reason to hate him, at least.

“They’re not yours…” His face fell, but he didn’t look as upset as when he thought she was going to leave.“They’re not mine?” He looked a bit confused.“They’re Te-Tomura’s.” Katsuki looked at her, shocked and disgusted now. “You’re fucking your brother, and he got you pregnant? Wait-” He glared at her, crossing his arms. “You’ve been getting your revenge on me this whole time, haven’t you!? Was this some fucked up plan of his? Make me think everything is fine just so it hu-MM” She cut him off with another kiss. “No, I haven’t seen or really talked to him since I came back here. I was staying with him and the others for that week I took off… But Katsuki, I’ve never lied to you, not since we got back together.” She blushed. “And… Before I caught you and Uraraka… You made me cum all the time… I just wanted to hurt you back a bit…”

She was ashamed of herself, not for being in love with her brother, but for leading Katsuki on.“You were the one leaking information to the bastard, our last year of school, weren’t you?” She nodded and he sighed. “Right after you found out?” Another nod. “You really did mean that threat, huh? That you’d ruin any other relationships for me? If I hurt you?” Kyrie blushed and sighed. “What do you want me to do?” Katsuki looked at her cautiously.“Just what I’m doing, giving them information, helping with strategies and such… They won’t make you hurt people, that’s your choice.” Katsuki sighed and held his head in his hands. “Well… Don’t have much of a choice, you’re my fucking breath now, if I lost you… I’d go insane, I think.”

Kyrie walked into the bar, Katsuki’s hand in hers as she walked right by the other villains, who were glaring at Katsuki. “Oh stop, he’s with us now! Tomura’s orders.” She spoke curtly and led him to the stairs, quickly running up to them she slammed open Tomura’s door and squealed, jumping onto his lap, interrupting the game he was playing. “Oh look, my slutty sister is back in my lap~” She huffed and flipped him off.

“Fuck me? All you had to do was ask, though you want to let me take you with him watching?” She blushed and bit her lip, snark answers gone as she quickly became submissive just for him. “Maybe I do want Katsuki to watch…” She eyed up her former fiancee and moaned as she saw the imprint of his cock through his pants. “Hm? Oh you like letting him fuck you? I can make you cum better though~” Kyrie moaned and big Tomura’s lip. “Please Master, fuck this slutty pussy, even though you’ve already bred my womb.” He growled and picked her up, turning off his game console before he threw her onto the bed. “Strip. You’re not getting nice treatment, making me fucking worry. Sluts don’t deserve to be treated nicely.” Her brother slapped her, hard, knocking her off the bed a bit as she held her cheek. “On your knees bitch. *now*.” She let out a small whimper and did as he said, waiting patiently as he disintegrated his own clothes, not wanting to bother with them. Tomura slammed his hips hard into her own, burying his huge, thick and veiny cock deep into her cunt, right against her womb.

“Fuck… You’re such a filthy slut… You’re craving cock even though you’re filled up and pregnant.” Katsuki let out a growl and stepped towards the two, only for Tomura to wrap his hand around the other man’s throat, a single finger off of it, keeping him alive. “Keep your mouth shut and watch. I don’t want you here, she does. Fucking test me and I won’t hesitate to kill you.” Tomura shoved him away and roughly slapped his baby sister’s ass, grabbing her hair as he pressed her into the bed. “Filthy slut, you like getting this slutty hole pounded while your little boyfriend watches, don’t you. Naughty bitch. God you are such a horny little bitch!” He growled as he fucked her harder.“Take my fucking cum, bitch. You’re not cumming just yet.” Tomura growled in her ear and came hard, his cum spilling out, not having anywhere to go. “Fuck- you’re spilling~ Can’t take your master’s cum now? Because this little cunt is full of his offspring?”

She nodded and squeaked as he flipped her over, slapping her hard in the face as he started fucking into her again. “Filthy slut… God you’re so fucking horny, you’re soaking my thighs, you’re gushing every time i thrust into you’re horny little cunt…” He hummed and smirked. “Why don’t you let your little boy toy fuck you too? You’re always saying you want more…” He flipped them over and made her arch her back, her ass in the air as he fucked her silly. “Beg him, slut.” Kyrie squeaked as he slapped her hard in the face, busting her lip. “I didn’t fucking stutter, bitch.” She moaned and held her thighs, looking at Katsuki over her shoulder. “Fuck! ‘Suki! I need more… Please come stuff my pussy more! I need another cock in me~” She pouted and bounced her ass as she rode her brother, letting out lewd naughty sounds as she came hard on his cock. “Fuck Master! I didn’t ask to cum! I’m sorry~” Tomura growled and yanked her hair, ignoring her apology.

“Fuck, he’s jerking off. Just hurry the hell up, damn hero impostor.” Katsuki let out a small hiss and stepped towards them, pressing his cock hard against her tight pussy, surprisingly, her tight hole accepted him with ease. “Damn, he slid right in, you fucking wanted this, huh slut? How often do you make yourself cum by imagining us fucking you?” Tomura growled into her ear and slapped her as he fucked her more, rubbing her clit roughly.“Fuck- Katsuki! You’re so gentle~ Be rougher!” She pouted and pulled his hair a bit, making the blonde moan. “God dammit, Kyrie I’m trying not to lose it-” She moaned and leaned up to kiss him, rubbing her breasts as she did so, her swollen nipples sensitive and perky as she pulled on them.

“Use your quirk on me! Burn me, fuck me! Just fucking use me like I’m a cock sleeve! I’m so fucking wet for you both right now, god please!” Shigaraki growled again and fucked her harder, continuing to slap his baby sister around as she came hard on his cock. Katsuki let out a desperate sound and smacked her ass, his quirk lighting up on contact, leaving an angry red burn, making her scream and cum all over again, multiple orgasms ripping any coherent thought she had to shreds. The two men were a mess as she came, so close to cumming themselves. “Fuck- Cumming! Kyrie you’re so fucking beautiful and perfect!” Katsuki was the first to cum, burying himself in as deep as he could as he came, only for Tomura’s huge cock to gush out tons of cum and flush the blonde’s own cum out as Kyrie just kept cumming.

Kyrie moaned and sat up once she’d recovered a bit. She hummed and smiled at the two. “That was amazing~” The two boys looked at each other and smirked. “Was?” Katsuki fell onto his back as Tomura picked up his sister and forced both of their cocks back into her tight pussy.

“We’re not done yet, slut.”“We’re not going to be done with you for hours, princess~”

15 notes · View notes

the-witch-of-plum-hollow · 5 years ago

Text

Winter’s Chill, Summer’s Heat

pairing: Steve x OFC, kind of Bucky x OFC

Warning: Bucky is an absolute jackass, Swearing, body image issues.

word count: 8382

summary: Emma Carver is a mutant with the Avengers, crushing hard on Bucky but doesn’t see what’s right in front of her. Which is ironic, because he’s a pretty big dude. It starts with some angst but there’s some fluff in the end.

For @morsmordrethings 1k writing challenge! (Go easy, I haven’t written in like a year.)

She lay on his bed, curled up and holding in her tears. She was sick of sobbing, sick of feeling the skin on her cheeks dry from the salt in her tears. Her dress crinkled with every movement, almost as a reminder of how foolish she felt.

“Stupid,” Emma muttered under her breath, “you’re so stupid.”

Strong, warm arms curled around her again, holding her without comment. She could feel his breath on her shoulder, slow and calm. She closed her eyes again, willing sleep to come and take her away and let her pretend none of that evening, that day or even the last few months had happened.

***** ***** *****

It had all started so well. Tony’s annual Holiday party was days away and she still hadn’t gone out looking for a dress. However, that morning, over breakfast Natasha snorted into her coffee and looked at her.

“I love how you think I hadn’t picked something out for you a month ago.”

“Yeah, I should’ve seen that coming, huh?” she started at Nat.

“No shit,” Nat muttered, draining her cup.

Of course Nat not only knew her measurements but picked out an outfit that would most likely be fabulous. Last year’s 6-hour shopping fiasco was not to be repeated. (It’s not her fault that she hated shopping or that it was difficult to shop with Pepper AND Nat, two women who could wear potato sacks and look glamorous.)

“I should pretend to be surprised, but I think we know I’m not. Can I try it on tonight?” Emma asked, pouring herself more coffee.

“Absolutely not,” Natasha said, spinning around from where she had placed her cup in the sink, “you won’t know until the day of and that’s final. Trust me, you’ll love it.” She left the kitchen with a wink and headed down to the gym for her training.

Emma looked over at Wanda, who shrugged and went back to her tea and toast. Steve was reading the morning paper next to Sam, who was on his phone and Bucky was at the table with a bowl of cereal. Ah, Bucky. Emma looked over at him and gave him a soft smile when he made eye contact, only to have it returned by a small, half smile. Well, ok then she thought to herself. They had danced around each other for months, almost a year. Flirting and stolen glances and one, furtive kiss 4 months ago in a storage room before Bucky had gone on a 2-month long mission and then nothing but light flirting since. Nothing got in the way of a budding romance like their job. She sighed and leaned her elbows on the island, both hands wrapped around her coffee.

Steve looked up from his paper at her sign and watched Emma as she stared into space for a minute. He took in the curve or her jaw and the way her lips turned up just a bit at the corners and had the sudden urge to draw his perfect teammate. Sam nudged him when he stared just a little too long and he rolled his shoulders back just a bit, clearing his throat.

“Got anything planned for today?” Steve asked her.

“Not particularly,” she began, “flight training again at some point, and I need to wrap some presents. How about you?” She turned to Steve and straightened up, leaving her hips to push against the countertop.

“Something similar, I suppose. Tony mentioned that he tweaked the calibration on the weight machines. Feel like seeing who can bench more again?”

“Not again,” Sam groaned. Steve had found Emma Carver at a gym in Boston, conning pretty rich boys out of their trust fund money at weight-lifting contests. Thinking she was getting arrested, she shocked him even more when she literally flew off. Sam chased her down and 4 months later she was part of the team. After Tony bitched about having yet another super powered person in their midst, and after she and Steve broke two weight machines, he designed a set of machines specifically for Steve, Emma, and Bucky.

Emma grinned and nodded before taking a sip of her coffee. Steve smiled back and looked over at the table.

“Buck? You in?”

“Don’t think it’d be fair,” he shrugged, lifting his left arm and flexing his metal fingers around, “but I’ll come down and spot the two of you anyway.”

“Yeah Cap,” Emma giggled, “safety first!”

Sam smirked at Emma when Steve rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve shook his head, “I’ll see you both down there in 30.”

He folded up his paper and got up, nodding at Emma as he walked away from the kitchen and headed back to his room to change. Sam got up behind him and mock saluted Emma, leaving the kitchen to the sound of her laughter. Wanda left soon after and Emma was left alone in the kitchen with Bucky. The silence was deafening.

“So, Bucky,” Emma started, gripping her mug so he couldn’t see her hands tremble, “looking forward to Tony’s party this year?”

“Not really,” he grumbled, “I hate these things. Too many people, and the music is too loud.”

“Oh…” she replied. Emma leaned back on the counter, placed her mug down and propped her chin up with her right hand.

“Got your suit yet?” she began again.

“Yeah, Tony made sure we all had suits. Again.”

Emma blew at a piece of her hair that had fallen over her eyes and fell silent. She stood up and went to turn around when his voice stopped her.

“Heard you didn’t have to pick out your dress this time.”

She turned and smiled at him.

“Nat was kind enough to relieve me of that torture, but I have no idea what it looks like. I don’t even know what my shoes look like, or how I need to do my hair,” she said with a roll of her eyes. She turned back to the counter and rinsed out her mug, never hearing Bucky come up behind her.

“I’m sure you’ll look gorgeous, pretty girl” he murmured, his breath warm on her neck, making her gasp. His arms briefly caged her against the counter and his chest was lightly pressed against her back. She closed her eyes tilted her head slightly but before she could react further, he had placed his finished bowl in the sink and was walking back to his room. She could feel the loss of him immediately and let out a soft sigh, one he probably heard because of his damn super soldier ears. Emma sucked in a deep breath and steeled her shoulders. No better way to get rid of this frustration than to go lift a ridiculous amount of weight and sweat it out. Mainly because drinking was not really an option at 8am.

By the time Emma headed down to the gym, Steve was there and warming up. Luckily, it wasn’t that full for a normal morning, but there were enough people in the gym that she didn’t know to make her rethink agreeing to this. Steve saw her clenching her hands and jogged over to ease her anxiety.

“Hey, it’ll be fine,” he assured her, “Nat is just training some of the lab techs in hand to hand and Bucky & Sam will be with us. I think she’s almost down to just the one girl anyway, ok?” He knew how strangers put Emma on edge. She spent so long on her own, that even with her gifts, other people made her nervous. Plus, with her body type, she got self-conscious. She wasn’t slender like Pepper or petite like Natasha. It didn’t matter that she could throw a Fiat through a wall.

Emma nodded to Steve and rolled her own shoulders back. He smiled and threw an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in and planting a kiss in her hair.

“That’s my girl,” he grinned. Emma didn’t know what was more surprising, getting called Steve’s girl or the blush that chased the smile on her face. He quickly let go and walked her over to Natasha, where she was down to teaching a lone blonde on the mats across the room. She stopped what she was doing when they walked up, knowing that meeting her pupil would ease Emma’s mind.

“Emma, this is Aimee,” Nat said, gesturing to the tall blonde across from her, “she’s one of the lab techs that they want trained in field work. You just missed Hakim, he’s the other one I’m training.”

The two women smiled and exchanged pleasantries, shaking hands. Aimee grinned at Emma.

“I’ve studied your blood before, you’re amazing” she gushed.

“Thank…you?” Emma laughed.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That was so weird,” Aimee was beet red and slapped a hand over her face, “I work in the genetics department and I’m part of the team that works in conjunction with the med labs. I’ve analyzed your blood a few times. Your powers are amazing, you’re such an inspiration.”

Emma blushed and looked at her in surprise, missing how Steve and Nat watched her with pride.

“Wow, thank you,” Emma stuttered, “That is incredibly kind. I’m really not that special though. I was just born kind of weird and I learned how to make the best of it.”

Steve rolled his eyes at her.

“Ok, well let’s get back to the weights. Don’t want to leave Sam and Bucky waiting.”

Emma nodded and walked back over to the weights near Sam, where he was prepping to help her warmup.

“Bucky Barnes? Like the former Winter Soldier?” Aimee perked up.

“Yeah, he’s over there near Sam,” Nat pointed, “Why, wanna gush about his blood too?”

“Oh no,” Aimee blushed, “I just think he’s really handsome.”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s great,” Steve muttered, “I’ll let you get back to your workout. Nat, Aimee.”

2 hours later Aimee was long gone but Tony, Nat, Thor, and Clint had joined Sam and Bucky to watch Emma and Steve lift increasingly ridiculous amount of weight. Wanda had even wandered in at one point but left to get ready for a lunch date with Vision.

Emma and Steve had decided that the bench press was going to be the decided factor. Both were currently getting ready for their maximum weight yet; 2100 lbs. Thor stood ready to spot Emma and Bucky was behind Steve.

“Whenever you’re ready, kids,” Tony reminded the pair. Emma smirked at Tony and, wiping the small amount of sweat on her brow she repositioned herself under the weight and took a deep breath. She looked over at Steve and nodded. Moving carefully, they both lifted their weights and set them back down once. Then twice. Then again.

“holy shit,” Clint muttered.

Emma looked over to Steve after the 5th rep and neither one looked like they were ready to stop but Emma was getting a bit hungry. Her stomach growling was fucking with her concentration.

“Tie?” she grinned at him.

“Tie,” he grinned back, scooting out from under the bar and sitting up. Emma stood and held her hand out to shake his as the team clapped around them, Thor slapping a massive hand across her back while Clint whistled.

“Well done, Emma!” he bellowed.

She laughed and gave Steve a limp high-five as they both congratulated the other.

“Ok guys, that was fun and all, but I’d like to go eat a whole deli and then sleep,” Emma cut through the group, “Maybe shower first.”

“Shower, then meet in the common room. I’ve got a deli coming in,” Tony smirked at her.

“Tones, I’d hug you but I’m gross,” Emma smiled at him, “See you guys in like 20 minutes!” She and Steve headed toward the doors leading for their showers, joking about using cars next time. Clint wasn’t far behind them, heading for the other showers, debating with Thor whether or not Emma’s powers have a cap on them. The rest of the group filtered out, leaving Sam with Bucky.

“So, Buck,” Sam began, “Are you asking Emma to Tony’s party or not?”

“What?!” Bucky whirled around to face him, “Why would you ask that?”

“Come on man, we all see it,” Sam chided him, “looking at her when she thinks you’re not, the flirting. I even know about the kiss.”

“The kiss never should’ve happened,” Bucky mumbled.

“Wait, what?”

“It never should’ve happened. Come on man. Look at her. Look at me. I don’t belong with someone like her.”

“Buck, man, I thought we had gotten past all this self-loathing bullshit,” Sam started.

“I am past it. This is reality. She’s not the right girl for me. I thought she was but she’s not. I’d drag her down. I thought maybe if I kept trying, things could work but I’m just kidding myself. I can’t give her what she deserves.”

“Ok man,” Sam sighed, “then you had better let her down easy. And soon. That girl is gonna fall for you whether you like it or not.”

“She’s in love with me?” Bucky looked to where you had headed, worry etched across his face.

“Not yet, man. But Emma shows all her emotions, that’s how she is. And you had better fix this quick before it hurts more than it needs to.”

The next couple of days flew by with training and meetings. Everyone was kept busy with one thing or another and Emma barely saw Bucky. She was fairly sure he wasn’t avoiding him, but she couldn’t be certain. She was just as busy as everyone else. Before they knew, it was the day of Tony’s famous (or infamous) Holiday Party. Nat had given Emma enough information about her dress and outfit to get her prep done and that was it. So, at noon, she showed up at Natasha’s door, freshly showered and ready for…whatever Nat had planned for her.

“Hello, little doll,” Nat grinned wickedly at Emma as she opened the door, “are you ready?”

“I mean, I was before you answered the door like Vincent Price,” Emma muttered, letting herself get ushered into the suite. Nat just laughed and shut the door behind her.

“It’s going to be fine, darling,” Wanda called from the bedroom, “I will handle your hair and makeup. You are going to look lovely tonight.”

“I don’t want to seem ungrateful about all of this,” Emma began, “and I know we usually get ready together for these things, but why are you two doing all of this for me? Why is this party so special?”

Natasha and Wanda exchanged a look. Wanda gestured to Nat to say something.

“Honey,” Nat grabbed Emma’s hands, “everyone in this damn place as seen how you and Bucky have looked at each other over the last handful of months. We’ve also seen how he still hasn’t pulled the trigger.”

“Awesome. So not embarrassing at all,” Emma grumbled.

“Sweetie, we think that maybe you should be the one to make a move,” Wanda stepped over, “Maybe not say something directly, but at least make him understand what you want. What better time to do that than at Tony’s party? You can look like a dream and show him another side of you.”

Emma tilted her head and considered what they were saying. They made solid points, but she was looking forward to hanging out with everyone this year.

“Alright, deal. Let’s get me dolled up,” Emma agreed, laughing at Wanda’s small squeal and Nat’s smug face.

A few hours later, Wanda was putting the finishing touches on Emma’s hair when she looked down at her and noticed the crease between her eyes.

“Emma?” she crouched down in front of her, “Darling, what is wrong?”

“What if this doesn’t work out?” she whispered.

“You mean, what if Bucky is a lot more of an idiot that I had realized and rejects you?” Nat asked, peering out at you from the bathroom door. You just nodded slightly, mouth in a tight line.

“Then we stay together, drink, and then I use you as a way to finally get Steve out on the dance floor,” Nat grinned. You and Wanda laughed at that, setting your mind at ease. You should’ve known Nat had a backup plan if things went awry.

You were distracted once again by Wanda, gently taking your face in her hands and turning it to her.

“Natasha, I believe I am finished,” Wanda smiled and took a few steps back, her smile spreading when Nat walked over and linked her arm through hers.

“Perfect,” Nat agreed, “go ahead.” She motioned for Emma to head over to the mirror.

Emma walked over and gasped. Wanda had given her the perfect look. Slight cat eye, contoured cheeks and a beautiful red lip that complimented her skin perfectly.

“Wanda,” Emma said softly, “this is…. Honey, you’ve out-done yourself.”

Wanda beamed and looked over to Nat.

“I believe it’s your turn.”

Nat grinned and spun on her heel, making a beeline for her closet. Emma held her hands hovering over her eyes in anticipation while Nat rummaged around for the shoes.

“Ok, my little doll, are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be!” Emma replied and Wanda giggled.

“Open your eyes, darling,” Wanda whispered in her ear.

Emma lowered her hand and was at a loss for words. Natasha held up a deep green taffeta dress that was somehow modern and classic Dior all in one. The sweetheart neckline draped into an off-the-shoulder look and the hem flared out to about tea length on Emma. She was thrilled. It was the perfect dress and paired with the matching kitten heels in Nat’s other hand Emma was actually giddy.

“Oh girls, I don’t even know what to say,” Emma walked over and gently ran her fingertips over the skirt of the dress, “it’s amazing. Where did you find this? I’ll need to run back to my room really quick though, I’m definitely not wearing the right bra for that!”

“Don’t tell anyone but I enjoy vintage shops. This was an easy find and I had it altered for you. Plus, look! I had them add pockets!” Nat showed her.

The girls laughed and Emma laughed even harder when she turned around to find Wanda already holding up the corset style bra she needed. They absolutely though of everything.

In the ballroom, Steve and Sam were by the bar taking advantage of Tony’s excellent taste in liquor. Sam was getting increasingly agitated. He knew Bucky hadn’t spoken to Emma since the weight-lifting incident and he also knew Bucky was just dumb enough to say something during the party. The more he thought about the more he worried. That’s it, Wilson, you’ve gotta say something.

“Hey, Steve, you got a minute?”

“Sure Sam, what’s…. wow. Oh my god.”

Sam looked up to see Steve completely taken by whatever was over his shoulder. He turned around and smiled. Nat, Emma, and Wanda had made their entrance, but unbeknownst to Emma, Nat and Wanda had drifted off to the sides, giving her a cheesy movie star entrance. Emma stood at the doorway, in her holiday green dress and hair half up and softly curled over one shoulder. Sam looked back to Steve, who was still gazing at Emma with a soft smile slowly appearing on his face. That can be either really good or really bad, Sam thought.

“Think he’s seen Emma yet?” Sam nudged him.

“Think whose seen Emma yet?” Steve replied absentmindedly.

“Bucky. Do you think he has seen Emma. I haven’t even seen him in here,” Sam prodded.

“Oh, um…no. I haven’t seen him yet either. He said he’d meet us here though,” Steve coughed and turned to face the bar. Sam looked at him and smirked.

“You should ask her to dance, man,” he suggested.

“Who? Emma? No, I’m not…. she’s not…There’s no…” Steve sputtered.

“Real smooth, Cap,” Sam nodded, “Get it together though, she’s headed this way.”

Emma walked up to Sam slapping Steve on the back as he coughed.

“Steve! Are you ok?” Emma hurried over, the click of her heels speeding up.

“Yeah, fine, bourbon down the wrong pipe is all,” he choked out, red faced. Emma looked over to Sam, who nodded, holding in a laugh.

“Ok, you had me worried there,” she smiled, “I thought we were gonna break the streak of nobody dying at one of Tony’s parties or something.”

“No, we’re safe,” he coughed again and straightened up.

“You look gorgeous, by the way,” Sam told her.

“Thanks, Sam,” she blushed a bit, “Nat and Wanda handled everything. I just showed up.”

“Yeah, but you are wearing the hell out of that dress,” he grinned at her, taking her hand and giving her a twirl. Her skirt flared out around her and swirled around her legs. Steve watched as Emma laughed and spun around. She looked like something out of his dreams. He waited until Sam was done with her to say something.

“You look stunning, Emma,” Steve said softly, smile growing as she blushed once again.

“Thanks, Steve,” she replied, “I guess I clean up pretty good, huh?”

“Better than good,” he grinned, “you look like a pinup.”

“Please, if you think this is good, you should see the getup I’ve got on underneath all this just to hold everything together,” Emma shot back and immediately slapped a hand over her mouth. Sam burst into laughter as it was now Steve’s turn to blush.

“Sorry!” she squeaked, “I’m sorry, I’m nervous and I may look good but I’m still the same idiot underneath. Just don’t let me accidentally break anything like last year.”

“It’s fine, Em, don’t worry. Now, go mingle. Don’t stand over here the whole night,” Sam nudged her on, “I mean, I’m fine as hell but nobody is saying anything about Steve.”

Emma laughed and gave them both a quick peck on the cheek before she walked off in search of her other teammates. Sam looked over at Steve and picked up his drink from the bar again.

“Something you’d like to share with the class, Cap?” he asked his friend.

“Not really, no,” Steve answered, watching Emma weave her way through the crowd, “you were right though.”

“I usually am. What about this time though?” Sam asked over the rim of his glass.

“I should’ve asked her to dance.”

Emma flitted from group to group, saying hello to a few SHIELD agents she knew and a handful of the medical personnel she had met. She even ran into Aimee and met her girlfriend, a quiet girl from HR named Rosa. She gave Tony and Pepper a quick hug and got a chance to chat for a minute with Bruce. She must have been there for an hour, moving all around the room and there was no sign of Bucky. Emma was getting a little frustrated but decided not to let that get to her. Snatching a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, she sauntered over to where she saw Clint and Nat at the other end of the bar from where Steve and Sam had been.

“Ladies,” she drawled as she slid over next to them, “How are we tonight?”

“Look at this fancy lady right here!” Clint exclaimed.

Emma and at laughed at Clint’s exaggerated wolf whistle and googly eye.

“Aww, Mr. Barton, you just know how to make a girl feel real swell,” Emma twittered, making him laugh into his beer.

“How’s the night so far Em?” Nat asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Silent. Target definitely not acquired,” she grumbled.

“Well that’s bullshit,” Nat retorted, “He’s got to be here somewhere.”

“Girls,” Clint broke in, “target fucking acquired.”

Emma and Nat followed his pointing finger over to the windows, where Bucky was standing alone, nursing a drink. Emma’s jaw dropped a little as his head turned to the side and she got a good look at his jawline. His hair was pulled back at the base of his neck and his tux was deep gray with black accents. Emma was a bit speechless, but she squared her shoulders and glanced at Nat.

“Now or never,” she told her. To her surprise, Nat linked arms with her and steered them toward Bucky.

“Did you think I was going to let you go alone?” she asked her, “I’ve got you.”

The pair headed toward Barnes, unaware at how many people were watching the interaction. Most of the team wanted to see how this would go down.

Bucky glanced up when he realized someone was headed his way and relaxed a fraction when he realized it was only Nat and Emma. The pair looked like the embodiment of Christmas with Nat in her slinky red velvet and Emma in her shimmering green taffeta. Bucky gripped his glass a little tighter when he realized exactly what type of dress Emma had on.

“Hey Barnes, having a good night?” Nat asked him in her smokey voice. She snuck a look at Emma, who had tried to make her face as calm as possible.

“It’s a night” he said through clenched teeth. Nat furrowed her brow in the slightest.

“Barnes?” she asked. He just stared at the floor, gripping his drink.

“Bucky?” Emma asked, stepping forward. She laid a hand on his arm only to have him jerk it away.

“Is this some kind of joke?” he hissed.

“What? I- “Emma stuttered.

“Is. This. A. Joke.” he ground out.

“Barnes, what the fuck is your problem?” Nat snapped at him.

“Do you think it’s funny to taunt me? Dressing like that, in a style I’ll never see in person again. Is that entertaining to you?”

Emma took a step back, stunned while Nat took one forward. Steve had heard Bucky over the crowd and had started to make his way to them, Sam following. Even Clint and Wanda were edging closer.

“Bucky, that’s not at all what this was,” Emma tried to assure him.

“Bullshit,” he spat out, “You’ve got this trumped up idea of me in your head and you’re trying to live out some fucking fantasy with a me that doesn’t even exist anymore.”

“Bucky, what- “

“Get it through your goddamn head, doll,” he sneered, “I’m not that Bucky Barnes. I will never be him again. We will never live out your little domestic fantasy where Emma and Bucky live happily ever after. I don’t want anyone, I don’t need anyone, especially not you. Move on already. Thought you would’ve got the hint by now.”

Emma knew she wasn’t going to be able to keep the tears from falling. She had always kept her heart firmly on her sleeve, but she’d be damned if she let him get in another dig.

“Fuck you, James Buchanan Barnes,” she said quietly, making Bucky’s blood run a little cold. She didn’t yell. She just took a step closer to him and dropped her voice.

“Fuck you. I never wanted you to be that Bucky. I never asked anything from you. Not once. But you can get off your high horse right now, because I don’t recall ever saying that I was in love with you, you arrogant prick,” she took a breath as her voice caught “ and you should count your lucky stars that I don’t toss your dumbass out the window right now because we both know damn well I could. And I’m pretty sure only one of us can fly, James.”

Emma looked into his eyes one more time, so he could see the tears and hurt on her face before she turned on one heel and headed back to the bar where Pepper was waiting with a drink. Natasha gave Bucky one more look before she followed Emma and Steve just watched her go. Sam strode over to Bucky and grabbed his arm, yanking him in close.

“I told you to let her down easy, not break her goddamn heart,” he seethed.

“It had to be done,” Bucky looked at him, “she can’t think there’s a chance. Not ever.”

Sam scoffed and pushed him away, giving him one more look of disgust before walking to find Emma. Steve walked over to his best friend, setting a hand on his shoulder.

“Buck,” Steve began, “what was all that?”

“Leave it, Steve,” Bucky spat out, slamming the rest of his drink and walking away, losing himself in the crowd. Steve watched him walk away, baffled. He started to follow him when he got a glimpse of Emma at the bar with Pepper, Sam, and Tony. His chest tightened like a fist around his heart when he realized she was crying. Before he knew it, he had walked halfway over to her.

Emma downed the three fingers of scotch Pepper had ready for her, relishing the burn. She had heard the raised voices and just knew what would be needed, because she was Pepper Potts. Emma placed the glass down harder than she meant to on the bar, cracking the glass.

“Sorry Tony,” she sighed, “I’ll get you a new set.”

“Don’t worry about it honey,” Pepper reassured her, “It isn’t that important. You are.”

Emma smiled weakly at her and sighed. This was not how she had hoped her night would go, but this even went past her worst-case scenario.

“I guess I completely underestimated what an absolute asshat Bucky Barnes could be,” she sniffled. Nat appeared at her side, seeing red.

“Want me to kill him?” she crooned at her friend. Emma just gave her a watery smile and motioned for the bartender to give her another drink.

“How many people heard?” she asked.

“Well….” Nat began.

“The team, basically,” Clint answered, popping up by Tony, “some lab techs, that weird security guard that smells like peppers, a gaggle of models and a few randos, Ow!” Nat had clipped him in the head.

“Cool, cool,” Emma mumbled, “Hey Tony, can you see if Fury has any openings in like, Antarctica? Anywhere he can use someone with super strength that can fly and is also an absolute dumbass?”

“You’re not going anywhere, kiddo,” Tony reassured her, “And you’re not a dumbass. Literally nobody saw that coming. I don’t know what his problem is, but you did nothing wrong.”

“I agree,” came a deep voice behind Emma. She turned to see Steve, standing a few feet away and looking very sheepish.

“I’m so sorry, Emma, for what he said,” he murmured, “I don’t know where any of it came from. You light up the entire room and any other guy here would be honored to have you on their arm.”

He relaxed a bit when Emma smiled up at him.

“Thank you for that Steve, but you don’t need to apologize for Bucky. You’re not his keeper.”

“I know that, I do,” Steve sighed, “Just, please don’t let his words ruin your night.”

Emma smiled and took one of Steve’s hands in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Nat smiled at Steve and looked back to Emma.

“Honey, remember the back up plan?” Nat said, laughing when Emma barked out a small laugh.

“I don’t think the whole plan is going to go the way you want,” Emma replied.

Nat just smiled at her. Emma turned back to the bar and leaned into Pepper, not noticing Steve and Nat having a very quiet whispered argument behind them. Tony didn’t miss a thing and was highly amused when it appeared Cap lost the argument and Nat just grinned, smug smile and all. She stalked off to find the DJ. Steve looked back over to Emma to find her laughing again, courtesy of Sam and his incessant, harmless flirting.

“Feeling a little better sweetheart?” Steve asked, placing his hand on her lower back.

“You know, I kind of am,” she answered, “it still hurts that he even thought that about me and I’ll probably cry about it tomorrow, but he can’t ruin tonight any more than he already has, right?”

“No, I don’t see how he could,” Steve admitted, “but I’d like to try and make it a little bit better.” He held out a hand as a slower song began to play. Emma bit back a smile and placed her hand in his, letting him lead her to the dance floor. Pepper and Tony followed while Sam leaned on the bar next to Nat.

“Did your night go as planned?” he asked her.

“Somewhat,” she replied, “I did not expect that reaction from Barnes, but it’s nice to see it end on a better note.”

“How long have you known he has a thing for her?” he prodded.

“Who, our fearless leader? Long enough to do something about it,” she smugly replied. They both turned to look out at the dance floor just in time to see Steve spin Emma out and turn her back into his arms.

“They do look good together,” Sam murmured. Nat hummed in reply. Their peace was broken, however, by Wanda and Clint rushing toward them. The anxiety was coming off Wanda in waves. Nat and Sam looked at each other and headed toward them.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked Clint.

“Get Emma on to the balcony or somewhere else less central, NOW,” he pushed, motioning for the team to do something.

“She can’t see it; you have to move her!” Wanda looked to Nat. Nat looked at her friend, crease in her brows.

“Can’t see what?” Nat asked.

“Too late,” Clint interrupted, looking to the dance floor. Emma stood, frozen next to Steve, both looking off the dance floor over toward the tables in the corner. There, in a chair was Bucky, heavily making out with a tall, curvy blonde model on his lap that had come with somebody’s entourage. Nat quickly looked back to Emma, who hadn’t moved. Nat met Steve’s eye and he nodded, taking a few steps closer to Emma, murmuring something softly to her. Her eyes narrowed and she took a few steps toward him, fists balling and muscles cording in her arms only to stop short, the color draining from her face.

Emma felt her stomach drop at the sound of Bucky’s voice. He was speaking soft, sweet words into that woman’s ear.

“So soft, baby,” he whispered between kisses, “You’re so soft. Like a real woman. Look at these curves.” He was running his hands all over her while Emma was frozen in place.

“James,” the blonde giggled, “you’re so sweet.”

Emma was rooted to the spot until the giggle shocked her out of the fog. Narrowing her eyes at Bucky, she whipped around and stalked back to Steve. Honestly, she was more pissed off at crying again, but this time it cut her to the core. Steve met her halfway and wrapped her in his arms, holding her tight and leading her away from Bucky. He’d deal with his friend later, right now Emma needed him.

“I’m going to kill him,” Nat snarled.

“Get in line,” Sam growled.

Clint watched, silent. Sam and Nat moved to follow Steve as he steered Emma toward the doors, but Clint stood like a sentry with Wanda behind him and watched Bucky. They watched him until Bucky stopped kissing the blonde and they watched Bucky as he spoke to her softly and helped her off his lap. They watched as Bucky walked over to the balcony doors and went outside. Clint turned to Wanda and nodded, heading to find Nat. Wanda went off toward Bucky.

Emma and Steve were far enough away that he could slow down, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Emma was quiet and Steve’s heart was breaking with every silent tear that dropped from her eyes.

She was lost in her own thoughts. It was as if he knew exactly what to say to hurt her the most. Like he knew, deep down, what she hated most about herself. He knew, no matter what she said differently that sometimes she hated how muscular her arms and shoulders were. That even though she had curves and was feminine, they were harder than other women. That her legs were solid muscle. That her shoulders were broader than Wanda’s or Pepper’s. Sometimes she’d forget that she could fly and lift a truck overhead and that she was a goddamn Avenger. She was back to being that 15-year-old girl in High School that didn’t fit in. She spent all that time learning to love who she was and love her life, and for what? To have a handful of words from a boy tear it all down again.

Emma wasn’t even sure who she was leaning on any more or where they were taking her, all she could feel was the ice in her stomach. She ran her fingers over her stomach and remembered the dress she was wearing and suddenly she not only felt sick again, she felt foolish. He made a fool of her in front of her friends and strangers. She spent all that time getting ready with the girls, laughing and smiling, getting excited over a dress only to have it come crashing down over her head. Emma choked back a sob and let her legs give out for a minute.

Steve just lifted her up bridal style when he felt her legs give out and held her close, getting through to the elevators.

“It’s ok Emma, I’ve got you. Just stay with me, ok?”

Emma nodded and looked up at Steve, finally registering who she was with. She was grateful it was Steve and not Natasha. As much as she loved her friend, she didn’t need to vent or answer questions right now. She just needed silence and the chance to regroup and Steve would give her that.

“Do you want to go back to your room or do you just want to get away from everyone as quick as possible?” Steve murmured in her ear.

“Away, quickly,” she whispered. Steve nodded and turned the corner, leading Emma into his suite, much closer than hers was. He shut the door behind them after he set her down and asked Friday to lock his door, not to let anyone in without Emma’s or his verbal authorization.

Once Emma realized they were alone, and away from the crowd she broke down. She gripped Steve’s arms as she fell to her knees, him sliding down with her while sobs wracked her body. She felt foolish because of Bucky, foolish over how she looked, and foolish that she was crying this much but when someone does something specifically to hurt you twice in one night, it’s bound to sting.

Steve knelt on the floor of his living room with one arm around Emma and the other cradling her head to his chest.

“Shh, sweetheart, it’ll be alright,” he crooned to her, “I’m here, I’m not leaving you. It’ll be alright.”

They sat there on his floor for the better part of an hour before Emma turned her head to look at Steve.

“Thank you,” she croaked.

“You never have to thank me for something like this,” Steve assured her, “I’ll always be here when you need me.”

Emma smiled at him and rested her forehead on his chest for a minute.

“Steve?” she whispered.

“Yes Emma?”

“Can I lay down somewhere?”

Steve stood up slowly, helping Emma up. He waited until she was steady on her feet before he scooped her up bridal style again and carried her to his bedroom. His heartbeat just a bit faster when her arms went around his neck and she curled into him, so he tightened his hold, just a little.

Emma felt Steve tighten his grip on her. She gripped him just as tightly, knowing he would keep her safe. Once they got to his room, he softly laid her down on the bed and then sat at her feet, watching her curl in on herself.

“Emma,” he spoke softly, “I’ll be right out here, ok? I won’t leave the apartment.”

The silence in the room broke his heart for her yet again, because it was killing him to see the strongest woman he knows reduced to tears because of the words of his idiot best friend. Steve stood, and turned toward the door.

“Wait.”

He turned back to her, seeing her pleading eyes look up at him.

“Will you stay with me for a while?”

“I’ll stay as long as you need me,” he replied. Steve crossed the room and climbed into his bed behind Emma. She half turned and grabbed his hand, weaving her fingers with his and wrapping his arm around her. She listened to Steve’s calm breathing and he listened to her berate herself for being the way she was.

And so Emma lay on his bed, curled up and holding in her tears. She was sick of sobbing, sick of feeling the skin on her cheeks dry from the salt in her tears. Her dress crinkled with every movement, almost as a reminder of how foolish she felt.

“Stupid,” Emma muttered under her breath, “you’re so stupid.”

Strong, warm arms curled around her again, holding her without comment. She could feel his breath on her shoulder, slow and calm.

Sleep finally came, heavy and swift and blessing her with a dreamless night. Emma woke the next morning to sunlight streaming in the windows and rolled over, only to find Steve still in the bed with her, loosely holding her hand. He must have gotten up at some point, because her phone was on his nightstand, plugged into a charger and he was only in his suit pants and dress shirt. She remembered it falling from her pocket in his living room, but she just didn’t care at the time. Emma sat up, looking down and realizing she was still in her party dress. Sighing again she glanced over at Steve only to realize he was awake.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hi,” he replied, “Are you alright?”

“Yes?” She answered, “I mean, I’ll be alright. That was just a lot to handle at once, in one night.”

Steve hummed in agreement and lifted himself up on his elbows.

“Natasha dropped off pajamas and clothes for you last night, if you want to shower here. She wasn’t sure what you would feel like doing today. We can always have Friday help sneak you back to your room if you don’t want to…people.”

“I can shower here,” Emma smiled, “and no peopling sounds nice. Could we just hang here, like we did after the mission in Scotland?”

“Absolutely,” Steve sat up, “you get in the shower and I’ll start on breakfast. No wait, we ordered everything the whole day then, didn’t we?”

Emma smiled, remembering how much they ate and how little they did.

“Yes we did, but you don’t have to order coffee this time. It was cold by the time it got here, and your coffee maker is much better now,” she volunteered. Emma stood up off the bed and stretched and Steve couldn’t help but stare at the way her muscles moved in her back. It took all he had not to walk over and place his lips on her shoulders. He wanted to kiss her pain away, but this was no where near the right time. Emma smiled at him over her shoulder and headed to his bathroom.

“Clothes will be on the bed!” he called as he walked out. He heard a faint “thank you!” from his bathroom just before he shut the door. He grabbed the stuff from Nat out of his living room and after dropping it off his bed & grabbing a quick change of clothes for himself, he walked back out to the living room to order the food.

Minutes after the order was placed and Emma was still in the shower, Steve had a soft knock on his door.

“Captain Rogers, Mr. Wilson is requesting entry,” Friday chimed.

“Let him in, Friday,” Steve replied. Sam walked right in as soon as the lock disengaged.

“How is she?”

“She’s in the shower. She slept the whole night and woke up in a better mood than I thought she would. I think we’re going to hole up here all day,” Steve answered.

“Good, she needs that. Nothing coming down the pipe, but I’ll try and see if I can divert any mission where you two aren’t a necessity for the next few days.”

“Thanks, Sam. Heard from Buck?” Steve asked.

“I haven’t but Wanda spoke to him and then went to her room pretty upset last night. And then Nat ripped him a new one this morning over coffee. Surprised you didn’t hear it.”

“I soundproofed the room during that particular argument, Captain Rogers. I didn’t want to cause Miss Carver any further stress,” Friday chimed.

“Thanks Friday,” Steve answered, “Was it bad, Sam?”

“He just sat there and took it. Didn’t argue, just stared at the counter in front of him and then went to the gym as soon as she finished,” Sam noted.

“Alright,” Steve mused, “keep an eye on him. That seems odd and I don’t want him backsliding. Ask Clint to keep an eye on her and you should check on Wanda.”

“Think he said something to her too?”

“I honestly don’t know anymore, but you know how much of an empath she can be. Somebody should check on her so she isn’t beating herself up about any of this. She helped Emma get ready, she’s probably trying to take some of the blame, not that there is any to begin with.”

“Got it, I’ll check in later,” Sam gave Steve a quick nod and left the apartment.

Not long after, Steve was setting out the breakfast order on his table and waiting for the coffee to finish brewing when Emma walked out of his bedroom in her sushi-print leggings and her favorite shirt. Steve groaned when he saw it.

“Really, that’s the shirt Nat dropped off?”

“Of course she did! It’s my favorite shirt!” Emma grinned, looking down at the giant red white and blue popsicle on her shirt, holding a shield exactly like Steve’s. The word ‘Capsicle’ was written across the bottom in a script font.

“Of course it is,” Steve grumbled. He looked back over to her to see the smile start to slip, just a bit.

“Hey, sweetheart, come here,” he stood and held his arms out. Emma walked over and buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“This sucks, Steve,” she mumbled into his shirt.

“I know, honey, I know,” he replied. They stood like that for a minute until the rumble from Emma’s stomach got too loud and they both laughed. They gathered their food and headed over his couch and sat down.

“Plan for today?” she asked Steve.

“Eat and do nothing,” he replied.

“Perfect,” she nodded, turning on the TV.

After a long discussion where Emma seriously mentioned transferring somewhere else and Steve rejected that idea multiple times, they decided to utilize Friday so Emma could avoid Bucky for a while. Steve convinced her not to run from the whole situation, but he agreed that confronting it right away would do more damage than not. Emma ended up sleeping in Steve’s bed again that night, it was just easier. He didn’t complain and was happy to just wake up holding her hand again. Emma ended up sleeping in Steve’s bed so often that she kept a spare toothbrush in his bathroom. She felt safe there, waking up next to him, knowing he was there in the middle of the night. It made her start to wonder if her idea of what love was had been wrong all along.

***** ***** *****

Wanda and Sam sat in the café, both nursing a latte. Sam mulled over what Wanda had told him and what she had picked up.

“You’re sure?” he asked.

“I am certain. Bucky didn’t mean any of the things he said, for the most part. He twisted the meanings so it was truth but not truth. He thinks Emma deserves better than him and she should not be ‘stuck’ with his problems.”

Sam sipped his coffee and looked over at Wanda.

“And what did you feel? I know you pick up things occasionally, if we’re broadcasting loud enough.”

“He believes it, he was telling the truth. But I do not think he felt a deep, true love for our Emma. He cares for her, but he was afraid for it to progress further, for either of them. He pushes love away because he believes he will destroy it.”

“Jesus,” Sam muttered.

***** ***** *****

It was slow going, but eventually everyone could be in the same room at the same time without Steve wondering if Emma was gonna make good on that threat to launch Bucky through a window. Things were slowly back to normal and Emma had her spark back. She challenged Steve to weight-lifting contests, she flew around with Tony and Sam. She even began to speak to Bucky again, if only to be civil. Emma felt like she was herself again and couldn’t be happier until Steve knocked on her door one Thursday afternoon.

“Steve, Hi! I was just thinking about you,” Emma smiled.

“Emma I- wait, you were?” he stuttered.

“Yeah! I found a documentary you might like, and I was going to have Friday add it to your queue.”

“Thanks, Emma, that’s really thoughtful,” Steve blushed a little and smiled.

“What’s going on though, do you need me for something?” she asked.

“Well, yes actually, I do,” he took a deep breath, ok Rogers, you can do this. You’ve punched Hitler in the face over 200 times.

“Emma Carver, can I take you out to dinner?”

“I would absolutely love that,” she beamed.

“Oh, thank god because then this next part would be really awkward,” Steve grinned.

“What partmmph!” Emma cut off as Steve leaned in and kissed her. She smiled against his lips and just knew, this was it. Everything was going to be alright. Love wasn’t cold like winter; it was warm like summer.

#gabs1kwritingchallenge #steve x ofc #bucky x ofc #bit of angst #bit of fluff #writing challenge #i'm really rusty

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lacklusterswirl · 6 years ago

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Writing excerpt

This is something I liked from my first ever attempt at fanfic. I never did finish the story, and the thing about JTF 2 disagreeing with Spetz came out, but I wanted to share the first torture scene I ever wrote. Just be aware that it does include torture and an interrogation. Hopefully just something to make you squirm :)

Buck was pretty sure this was the closest he’s ever come to death. Every swallow hurt, and he could feel his throat crack as the muscles moved. The last bit of moisture remained, though it wouldn’t for much longer. He gave another tug at the ties that held his hands together behind his back and around a metal pole. His legs were tied in a similar fashion to the cruel piece of metal that denied him any movement.

Humans can go for about four days without water, you know? The voice of the newest addition to Rainbow rang in his head. She had said that when chastised about her drinking habits, and yet here he was, in the same position, except thousands of miles away from where she had uttered that line.

The mission was supposed to go smoothly. Seemed to be nothing new when it came to White Masks. Something about money and funds led them to hold a group of politicians hostage in a house somewhere in a remote area -- a field of snow and trees. Maybe that’s where the first problem was. What group of politicians would want to be in such a run-down area in the middle of nowhere, Russia? All the Spetsnaz but Fuze, who was excluded considering the situation type, were here because of the location. He and Frost had come with them due to their familiarity with the snowy weather they had faced back in Canada.

When they arrived and infiltrated the building, they very quickly discovered that the hostages were dead long before they even knew about the mission. The decaying flesh and rotten smell was more than enough to confirm that when they stormed the supposed hostage room. From there, everything went to shit. White Mask reinforcements arrived by the truckload, and very quickly pinned them in the house. Lucky for them, Frost always brought some of her hunting traps with them, as did Kapkan, and the defence seemed like it would hold for a moment.

But only a moment. Because once the smoke cleared from all the EDD traps, an armoured figure clunked their way towards them, which Tachanka called out as a bomber before starting to fire his LMG at the incoming enemy. It wasn’t quite enough, as Buck hadn’t been able to get far enough from the blast, which meant that a very large piece of wood flew at his head.

When he woke up, he was alone. He didn’t know where his teammates were, or if they were even alive, but he remembered desperately wishing that he wasn’t.

Humans were social creatures. Buck was a social person. It turns out the fastest suck on his will to live was the dark room where he had slept by himself ever since he spat on that one person’s face. He squeezed his eyes shut and wished for a single bullet. Preferably in a gun pointed at his head.

“Look who decided to wake up!” a thin voice snaked its way into his head, followed by a solid hit to his gut. The speaker’s first language definitely wasn’t English, but he was never good at telling accents apart anyways.

Buck’s eyes flew open to see the dimly lit room and face the mask he had seen too much of this past week. How long had be been asleep? It was hard to keep track of time when he was locked in a windowless room with no clock.

A dull ache drew his attention back to the present. Tabarnak. The hit was aimed at a particularly large cut he received in his first few moments here, and had just started to scab over. Being hit would surely make it bleed again.

“Answer our question,” the man in front of him demanded. The first thing they ever asked was why Iris had joined Rainbow, and there was no way he’d give that information away. As he waited for answer, Buck couldn’t help but stare at the gleaming metal, reflecting what little light was in the room.

“I don’t know why she was recruited.”

“We figured out why she’s there already, we don’t need that information anymore.”

Merde. Was there a mole? No… Buck grimaced as his assailant moved closer to him. The rank breath was enough to knock out a bear, he joked to himself. The chuckle got stuck in his throat when the cool metal pressed flat against the sweat slick skin on his neck.

“What’s her ‘special ability’? The one about reading people’s minds.”

He laughed at that accusation. At least, it was supposed to be a laugh. It sounded more like a cough instead.

“Read min-” his voice cracked and threatened to disappear completely. Only then did the interrogator bring a bottle of water to his dry and cracked lips. Buck was lapping at the water like a dog, but he couldn’t care because he needed the moisture that the water bottle brought. It didn’t mater that it tasted stale and slightly metallic because it was water. He drank the entire thing.

“You don’t honestly think she can read minds, non?” he laughed at his captor. The knife, it turns out, wasn’t for show. It cut into some loose skin on his cheek, just above his beard line, and in one cruel jerk, it flicked upwards, slicing the flesh, but not completely separating the chuck of flesh from the rest of him.

His own flesh flopped uselessly against his face when he trembled, blood already starting to trickle through his facial hair and drip onto the ground. The captor dug the point of his knife under the loose piece of flesh and flung it up, letting it bounce against Buck’s face while he giggled at the wide-eyed look he got from the prisoner.

Buck made no sound.

The White Mask didn’t like that.

“I recently learned this phrase, but have you ever heard of salting the wound? Apparently, it hurts. A lot.”

The wince from just imagining it gave away Buck’s fear and panic. When he made no sound, the interrogator switched his grip on his knife and cut into the space right under his collar bone, ripping a piece off of his shirt so the bare skin lay exposed. He could feel the prick of the tip of the knife dig in and start dragging.

Name, birthday, blood type.

Sébastien Côté. August 20, 1980, blood type O. It wasn’t enough to block out the pain and discomfort, hell it couldn’t even distract him from his own fear, but it was something to stop him from screaming, whimpering, begging.

His sister once brought him to a tattoo parlour. He sat and held her hand as she got her first and only tattoo. Was this how it felt? The gentle squeeze of her hand, the smell of disinfectant in the air, the sound of easy chatter, and the bright sunlight that bled through the tinted windows of the shop. Why couldn’t he be there right now? Or Hereford. The grey skies, the chill that sometimes cut through his coat which would prompt the question if he was cold. No of course he wasn’t. He was born in snowy, windy Montreal. This little chill didn’t bother him. Not when he was surrounded by a new family. People he would gladly die for. People he was going to die for if this continued. When the knife lifted from his skin -- when the warm breath of his captor faded -- only then did he dare open his eyes.

Even behind the mask, he could make out the furrowed brows. “Then what. What is her ability? Why did you send a rescue team after her so soon? She was recruited for a reason.”

“Go fuck your mom. I know she enjoys it,” he spat in response.

“Iris…” Buck stilled at that name even when every part of his body wanted to thrash. Demand. How did he know? Where did he find out? “Her name is Iris Cai, a pre-med student at UWK in Canada. We know much about her from what you guys have gathered, you know? But…” he let a blade trail across Sébastien’s neck, reminding him of who was in charge. “The one thing no one knows is her ability. How can she read emotions?”

“I won’t say a word,” he hissed, letting it develop into a grunt of pain as the terrorist let the knife cut into his shoulder a little. A small stream of blood trailed down what remained of his undershirt.

“You are a very impressive representative of Rainbow, aren’t you? Most people who meet me like this would be saying anything and everything by now. You haven’t even shed a tear.”

Buck could only glare back at him. No, he knew he wasn’t going to live through this, but he’d burn in hell before selling out his team.

“I will give you one and only one warning: I’m leaving soon. The person who will replace me is not as nice. I hear she used to be a surgeon. She likes to use all sorts of tools that even I haven’t heard before. Do you know what she’ll do to you?”

No reaction. No reaction. Please, for the love of anything, please let him stay silent until his end. What was it that Lion said before all his missions?

Hail Mary full of Grace, the Lord is with thee.

“She has a pair of scissors. Sharp motherfuckers too, but she will make you watch as she cuts of each of your finger pads. Then, she licks off the blood from the blades before spitting it up into your face. If you’re lucky, she won’t aim for your mouth.”

Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.

His heart rate betrayed him as it climbed higher and higher. He cursed himself for listening to the nasally voice.

“But her favourite tools are the scalpel and drill. I’ve seen her make swiss cheese out of people with those two. She uses the fucker like a shovel, scooping out layer after layer of flesh. Every non-answer, every silence, every insult is just another bit of yourself that will be… removed. And she knows what parts of you will kill you immediately so don’t think you’ll die so easily. It goes on and on until the scalpel meets air on the other side of you. Literal swiss fucking cheese.”

Holy Mary Mother of God… oh God. This will be the end. Anything he ever amounted to, the memories he made, the values he fought for. This would be the end of him.

The sound of a drill sounded through the house and Buck tensed up.

“Oh,” the man chuckled and rose to meet the other one walking down the stairs. “She’s here early. And you get the pleasure of meeting her drill too! Lucky man!”

Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

#r6s #rainbow six siege #buck #torture #fanfic #spoiler for a future oc?#or for the black ice op story #he eventually got saved #dw

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sinfulavenue · 6 years ago

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Episode 44, Wish Review

(Manga spoilers)

THIS - EPISODE - WAS - FAN - FRIGGIN- TASTIC!!!!

Aajajaxjcjszjcjdxn I feel so illiterate right now, I could literally just keyboard smash for the next minute to convey my excitement over this episode but that would be extremely lazy and this episode deserves better.

After a bit of a difficult beginning to season 3 with my enjoyment at times being marred by deleted scenes and a pace that never stopped to breathe, this episode reminded me why I fell in love with Attack on Titan in the first place. AGH the feels! I think my heart exploded!

It wasn’t just the action that made episode 44 great, it was the emotion. Literally last week I said that emotional detachment was a bit of a problem this season but certainly not in this episode, I was right there with the characters, feeling everything and oh my God it hurt!

EREN!! 💔

I’m woman enough to admit I cried ... and hugged my Eren plushie for an hour afterwards! ….(yes I have an Eren plushie alright and no I can’t sleep without him!)

The soundtrack was damn amazing too! Hands down the best episode of season 3 (so far) but I hope the best is yet to come.

Once again Kenny stole the show!

So the storming the cave scene was just ajsakajxshshcj PHENOMENAL! It was so good! I absolutely think the anime did it better than the manga because we got LEVI VS. KENNY ROUND 2!

Akashsbzk! Sorry for keyboard smashing so much but I’m finding it hard to express myself in proper words right now. My heart literally stopped at that moment when Levi was chasing one of interior MP’s, about to go in for the kill when there’s this almighty YEEEHAA! (or whatever the hell that noise was supposed to be 😂) then a gunshot and suddenly I’m like OH SHIT KENNY’S HERE! 😱 Ajzabsshwjdshs!

I know not all the changes have been popular this season but who the hell is going to complain about an additional Levi vs Kenny scene? I’m so grateful for this addition because while the first Levi and Kenny fight was spectacular, this one felt a lot more up close and personal, Levi fought with such anger and determination and this time there was nobody else getting in the way. The pair were really going for one another, blades clashing.

Thank you so much WIT for this godsend of a shot!

It was just so satisfying to see the uncle and nephew engaged in a one on one battle, creating even greater tension between the two characters before their complex history is finally revealed in a future episode.

Ha! Maybe if Kenny had focussed on actually fighting instead of dishing out sick burns he wouldn’t have got his ass kicked 😂.

I have to say Traute really shone in this scene too, using her wits to figure out what Levi’s squad were trying to do, even avoiding a strike from Mikasa which is saying a lot because that girl is a killing machine!

But please God tell me someone is looking after Hanji!!!

Historia’s Dilemna

In the manga Historia shot Eren a murderous glare before Rod came in with his box of syringes. It’s a shame this was cut but she still still gave him a few severe looking glances showing that her father’s manipulation was starting to work. Historia outright stated that she was going to eat Eren and fulfill her duty.

Kenny sure knows how to make an entrance (although I’m a little confused how he is miraculously no longer bleeding here).

I loved that of all people it was Kenny who tried to talk Historia out of going through with this, even if he was only doing it to spite Rod. Kenny tried to make Historia see that her father is nothing but a manipulative coward who won’t become a titan himself. However it’s a little sad that most of Kenny’s dialogue here was cut (although I guess we can’t really be shocked by cuts anymore 😒). In the manga Kenny outright told Historia that everyone including her father wished she’d never been born and drew her attention to the fact that he only started caring about her when his legitimate children were wiped out. Kenny also mentioned how Rod had tried to hide the fact that the Reiss family had lost the power of the titans and only started spilling when Eren sealed the hole in Trost. It’s a shame that this was cut as it gave some context as to what was happening behind the scenes the whole time and also showed a more perceptive side of Kenny. Keeping his full dialogue would have added even greater build up to Historia smashing the syringe but don’t get me wrong the whole scene was still amazing.

On another note, this episode gave us the first glimpse of Uri Reiss!!!

“I shouldn’t have happened”

OH MY GOD! My boy!! 💔 My poor, poor boy! It hurts even thinking about this scene. To see Eren’s fiery soul so broken ... it was beyond agony. In season 2 Hannes talked about how Eren always got back up, no matter how many times he was knocked down but this time Eren didn’t get up, he was so plagued by guilt for what his father had done that he was willing to die without a fight.

It hurts even more when you think about how he didn’t even had a choice, the titan power was unwillingly bestowed upon him and now he’s caught up in something greater than he is with no way out.

Honestly I think this was one of the saddest moments of the whole of Snk and kudos to Yuki Kaji for that powerful voice acting because it takes a lot to break my heart of stone!

Eren’s feelings of worthlessness clearly sparked a deep empathy in Historia because while he was saying all this we were shown a brief flash of her being rejected by her mother.

“I want you to live a life that you’re proud of”

Oh God and just when I thought I couldn’t get any more emotional, Historia suddenly remembers Ymir and hesitates before injecting herself. Ultimately it’s the words of Ymir that stop her from eating her friend in the name of fulfilling her royal duty.

Aghhh! I was in pieces by this point and when she smashed the syringe to the ground my tears of sadness became tears of joy and I wanted to jump around the room screaming!

Admittedly Historia went a little crazy after that, saying fuck humanity, hitting Eren and calling him a crybaby but cut the girl some slack she’s been through a lot!

OH and about that ending! THAT ENDING!😱 ajwjdwksjdwjefe

This is the most excited I’ve been for the next episode since this season started!!

The Remaining Episodes of the Uprising arc

So I think there is a great possibility that (with great restructuring) some of the skipped scenes will appear in the next few episodes. Here’s why.

So when it was announced that there would be 24 episodes in season 3 it was my assumption that there would be a fairly even split between Uprising and RTS, (as they are both 20 chapters long in the manga) so I reckoned 12 episodes each.

However the Uprising arc ends on chapter 69 and this episode (the 7th episode of season 3) took us to halfway through chapter 66 meaning there are roughly three and a half chapters left to cover. That really isn’t a lot and based on how quick the pace has been, three and a half chapters is unlikely to fill five full episodes. This is what makes me wonder if some of the skipped scenes will be worked in somehow, because if they aren’t then I can see the arc ending by episode 10!

I just want to put this out there. If the Uprising arc is concluded in less than 12 episodes I will be extremely angry and disappointed because this arc deserves better than being crammed into a measly 10 episodes and it certainly deserves just as much screen time as the RTS arc.

The preview of episode 45 looked like it could be setting up for the scene where Levi tells Historia to become the queen and I’m still holding out hope that the rest of Eren’s titan experiments at the cabin will appear in a flashback. I get not having them at the beginning as it wouldn’t have been the most exciting way to kick off a new season but I’ll be pretty sad if those experiment scenes have been cut altogether. Honestly it will be such an anti-climax if Eren just gains the hardening ability without us seeing the blood, sweat and tears he went through trying get hard (hehehe) back at the cabin.

But the real question is how will the arc end? Will we still see Historia punching Levi? If so then how will this come about if all the scenes leading up to this moment are missing? Will these scenes be worked in but in a different way? Or will the ending be completely different?

I realise I have more questions than answers so I guess we will have to wait and find out ... I’m sure WIT have a plan right? 😅

I don’t want to end this review on a sour note because this was such a good episode so instead I will end by saying once again how much I enjoyed episode 44 and I eagerly await episode 45!

#snk season 3 #aot season 3 #attack on titan #snk #eren jaeger #historia reiss #levi ackerman #kenny ackerman #ymir #rod reiss #mikasa ackerman #traute carven #hanji zoe #snk spoilers #shingeki no kyojin #snk reviews #my reviews #snk s3 ep7

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draqcnheartstrinq · 6 years ago

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Vitalum Vitalis: Echo

Part X

Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Word count: 1.623 Warning: Sadness?

Hey and hello to everyone who is actually reading this series or just stumbled across. Just to be clear to everyone, this series indeed is a reader insert kind of series. Many might not realise that because the main female character is called “Alive” or “Ali” for short but as told in the first few parts of the series she’s only called like that because THEY DON’T KNOW her real name. You can easily put yourself in the main girl’s perspective because I never fully described any of her distinct features, like skin colour, hair type, eye colour,... Just thought I would let you all know because I’ve had quite a few asks pointing this out to me and saying they didn’t read further because of it. Of course you can choose for Ali to be an OC, it’s whatever you please her to be really. :) Now that this rambling is over: I hope you enjoy

Reminder: this is a slow burn series, don’t expect this to be quick and easy ;)

VV Masterpost | Part XI: Full Body Prosthetic

Two whole days were spent at the side of her own living but sleeping figure. Four whole days was she forced to keep away from Peter, the boy who she wanted to see and speak most, because he needed to recover and get things sorted with himself first, before hearing about all the things Ali wanted to confess to him.

So she decided to lock herself up, with herself as the only company she had, literally.

She often took off her gloves, revealed her metalic hands created by Tony Stark, and stared at them for several minutes in a row. She closed her fake eyes, cut off her fake senses and tried to feel those of the real her, peacefully sleeping on the bed. She guided her mechanic fingers through the real her’s hair, attempting to untangle the knots.

She wanted to feel all the things she was meant to feel. Touch, aroma, taste, her beating heart,... But she could only feel an echo of them, only a simulation of what it was like to actually live.

No matter how hard she tried, how long she stared at her own unmoving figure to just feel something, nothing came. An echo, not the real thing, never the real thing.

When she had Peter, at least the emotions were there. She had wanted his friendship, even craved it after weeks of having his company and now it was all gone again. She couldn’t see him, wasn’t allowed to. If she had gone against that, they had surely taken away this last piece of reality she got to witness, Tony would have turned off this machinery she was meant to call her body.

“Peter, at least give me Peter back”, she whispered to herself, hearing it like another echo ringing through the air. Her head hung low, her so called “eyes” trained on the tears dripping from her real ones. At least she was able to detect the emotions living inside her. It made her that little bit more human, and being human felt so right.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Cold sweat glistened on Peter’s forehead, his hands wrung in the sheets and his breathing was irregular. As soon as he perceived someone entering the room he sat up, distressed and out of breath, awoken from a bad dream. The fifth in only four days.

The people that were shot kept following him into his sleep every night, the thought of innocent lives being spilled into the corners of the New York’s streets kept haunting him. He really did keep himself responsible for all the deaths that day, whilst everybody told him he shouldn’t.

“Peter, are you okay? F.R.I.D.A.Y. warned me your blood pressure was rising”, the person spoke up. It was Tony, thank god it was just Tony.

“I’m fine, j-just another bad dream.”

“A nightmare you mean? Again?” It hadn’t been a secret that Peter was the embodiment of stress, but never had it been this severe. With the shooting, missing school, not being able to talk to Ned or May and not seeing or speaking to Alive once, he had reached his breaking point.

“Can I please see Ali? I-”, he stopped himself, not really knowing why he wanted her there with him in the first place. He just felt like she needed him, but most of all he knew he himself needed her. “I mean, it’s been four days. I want to see her, have her around again. I’m sorry I just… I… I don’t know.”

“You both need time, boy, you know that”, Tony told him, pitty lacing his words as his eyes lingered on Peter’s pleading and desperate glances.

“I know but… I also know I need her, and for some reason my senses are telling me she needs me too. Please, just, at least tell her I’m okay.”

“Then I would be lying to her, kid.” Tony turned himself around and made to walk away before sighing, “Don’t worry, I’ll go get her for you.”

Peter’s hope shone through his eyes, at only the thought of her being at his side again.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Merely the mention of Peter’s name was enough for Ali to jump up from the chair she had spent her nights in these last few days. She ran past Tony, ignoring the warnings he threw her way, something about taking it easy and not overwhelming the boy waiting for her a few floors down. It’s funny how suddenly the roles were reversed, how now Peter was the one everyone had to take it slow with instead of Alive. She didn’t notice the worried looks in Tony’s eyes, neither did she notice the words he directed to the lonely girl lying on the hospital bed.

The echoes were gone, only Peter on her mind.

She pushed doors out of her way, exclaimed excuses to everyone she bumped into, she even took the stairs because the elevator would take too long.

When she had finally reached Peter’s room and could see him from the other side of the window, her smile grew three times in size.

He noticed her presence immediately, as if a switch in his brain made his attention peek to a thousand and his senses accelerate to at least that same amount. Eyes caught one another, toothy grins appeared and hearts swelled against rib cages. One of those hearts may have still been located on the 6th floor, many floors away, but it thumped just as hard either way from all the excitement rushing through.

Alive hurried inside, not caring about the curious glances that were fixated on her. She reached the bed, took Peter in her arms as if they hadn’t seen each other in years, which it most certainly felt like. Relief overwhelmed her thoughts when she heard Peter’s regular breathing and soft chuckles. He was happy to see her too, his continuous smile and tight hold on her frame were proof of that. They swayed a little in each other’s arms and placed their faces right next to one another’s, noses brushing cheeks.

“Hey Ali”, he whispered right next to her ear. His name was the only thing he heard in response followed by a long comforting sigh.

She slid her hands to the nape of his neck, pushing his head away from her shoulder where he breathed in her sent, so she could look him in the eyes. Finally.

He beamed, he laughed, couldn’t believe the happiness that overcame him when he saw she was okay, that she didn’t kill herself like Tony had mentioned many times. But his happiness was short lived and quickly replaced by concern.

Her hands, they weren’t soft and silky like they were a week ago, the night she saved him. They didn’t hold the same warmth, didn’t caress his neck like they did his wounds.

They were cold, icy cold, hard, painful,...

He pulled away from her grasp, losing the smile that had adorned his lips. His fingers wrapped around both her wrists and forced them away from his skin.

Metal.

Silver metal, shaped like palms, knuckles, fingers.

Peter started panicking at the sight of them, trying to remember when something had happened to Ali’s hands that would explain why they were made out of metal now. Something that would be a sensible explanation for the loss of her own soft ones and the replacement by these machines. He could only imagine the horrible things that were possible answers to his questions, the pain she must have went through.

“Don’t worry,” Alive spoke up, rushed as to not let Peter’s thoughts run in directions they weren’t meant to go, “I’m fine, I’ve always been fine. I’ll tell you everything, just lay back down so you don’t hurt yourself.”

“Hurt myself? These wounds haven’t been hurting since the moment you took care of them, which I still don’t know how you healed them so fast! You’re the one with no hands!” he called out, astonished at how calm she was being.

She chuckled then, because of his wide eyes and agape mouth, the wrinkle between his eyebrows and the red colour that spread over his face down to the beginning of his chest. It looked quite adorable, not to mention ridiculous and out of place. A guy wrapped in bandages, hooked up to a heart monitor and placed on a hospital bed was shouting about how she was supposed to be in pain and thinking about herself. Peter Parker really was something else.

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I have hands, they just weren’t meant to come out of their hiding yet, last week.”

He looked at her with a tilted head and confused eyes, not understanding what she was talking about or what she meant by that.

“Let me explain to you, Peter, please. I’ve been wanting to do nothing more than finally tell you what’s going on with me.” Her wrists freed themselves from his grip and placed themselves on his shoulders, resting there and waiting for him to brush them off.

But he didn’t. “You’ve shown me who you are, let me tell you who I really am too.”

“Go on then, love”, he whispered whilst carefully placing his hands on her waist and pulling her closer into another tight embrace. The nickname hung in the air like a spell, he was surprised by how easily the word had slipped from his lips. It felt normal and totally right to call her that, not forced or uncomfortable, just normal. She had saved his life after all, it was okay to be calling her “love” now, right?

His arms wrapped around her frame once more and his body relaxed against hers. “I’m listening.”

Part XI: Full Body Prosthetic

Taglist: Want to be added or removed? Leave a comment or an ask in my inbox.

@iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire

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wreckthelist · 4 years ago

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on ‘BE’ing here: part i

rambling of sorts on Grammy nominated artist Bangtan Sonyeondan

(note 1: I was planning to complete this the day of the nomination, but judging from the state of how things are - this right here is the opportune moment to, as my friend Mint had put it, clear out whatever I’ve been wanting to do but didn’t get the time to)

When Spotify announced, loud and clear, on that 2020 Year-End summary instagram story, Dynamite was the song that helped me through 2020 (this fuck-up of a year), that wasn’t an understatement.

I’ve seen Bangtan before, heard of them in passing, even (slightly, really slightly - when you’re hanging out in film-dom or western doms, I doubt you’d come in contact with a full-fledged Korean dom as it is, or perhaps my circles were small and quite closed in on themselves. Regardless!) - and opened that Boy With Luv SNL performance for my parents on the TV in the living room, not long after they went on the show. But it took that one song, one full English song, for me to listen.

(sorry and thank you Namjoon for that diss. Yes, the song’s message’s definitely digestible and easy to consume - for foreign, western audiences. No one much had to care what you guys had to say way back when and they were wrong for it.)

Dynamite pretty much saved my life. (Still waiting for that damn vinyl, BigHit. Think I’ll get it come new year’s.)

The first time I started listening, I couldn’t really stop. I think I played and replayed and replayed the song 20++ times as I did mundane household chores which were asked of me in the morning. Sunday August 24th, my life was transformed (and my digital and physical wallets along with it. Sobs.)

I had no idea who was singing which part, no idea which boy was which, but what got me in, locked and loaded and in place, were the beats, the uplifting sounds that got me dancing again after a messy heartbreak caused by a personification of immaturity who had refused to let go. I was only one week into my new job (old job again now. Such is the way of life - and we lead separate ones now, no reason to cry over invisible lives and imagined smiles or smirks of satisfactions I am not in any current position privy to - or will ever be. Thank God.)

Then there were the messages - the lyrics - “I’m diamond, you know I glow up.” - I mean, Yes, Fucking YES - Kim Seokjin, of course I’m a piece of precious Jewel. Of course I am one and whole of myself and one of a kind (apologies for being cliches, felt good to type out loud right). Asked on Twitter who the “other black-haired” guy was and learned that it was Hobi. Spent time watching a couple of interviews, took 3 hours to tell the boys apart (”You had a lot of free time,” Shareef said, amused, and I quite abashedly admitted to him yes.), and picked him as my bias (little did I know).

I was attracted (still am) to sunshine. I needed smiles and laughters like his in my life. He stood out to me in almost every interview, beaming with his heart-shaped lips and his eternal catchphrase - “I’m your hope.” I was exactly at that point in my life when I needed to hear that. From him, in that voice, from those lips, with those eyes.

And I thought, dear god. I’m always attracted to guys who bring smiles to my face. Of course it has to be him.

(Natalie replied “You’ve joined the party!” in a reply to my screencap of Taehyung wearing those adorable black-rimmed glasses on Stephen Colbert not long after.

That Beatles-Boy With Luv performance remains one of my favorites.)

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Bangtan has since performed and performed and performed Dynamite, and to this day I and the rest of the fandom have witnessed and seen about 30++ performances of Dynamite, and it has yet to grow old on us. (Well.) I swear I can still play the song at least once a day, and that irresistible bubble of hope in Jungkook’s voice in the opening simply shines through. The rest of the song just does its magic - every single time.

I mean, “Life is sweet as honey,” “I’m in the stars tonight,”? Talk about hope, about confidence, looking forward. Straight and simple as that. I had yet to discover what BTS truly has in store.

Note 2: My favorite dance move in the performance itself is Hoseok’s, for the Japanese taping (FNS Music Festival) right here.

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After Dynamite, I burned through the usual favorites, seeing as there was a literal treasure trove of Bangtan songs to discover and listen to, thanks also to this chart.

Go Go and Pied Piper are fun teases to listen to every now and then. Their Halloween dance practice and MNet countdown (I could die over Tae’s clear-rimmed glasses) are bundles of colorful energy. (Until I came across Lotte 2018 Jungkook?! Adding Best of Me here because it’s become a recent favorite. Dance moves are impeccable. There was a stint in my life where I was watching the Airplane Pt. 2 MV almost every day because of how in love I was over Taehyung’s whole look - pink hair, flowing robes, and how the boys pull off their outfits. )

I proceeded mainly through the orange branch, bought myself a few Love Yourself albums along the way, and the day I saw this Min Yoongi in In the Soop, my Bangtan life took a turn.

Yep. Simplicity.

What’s not to fall in love with?

One of my current, low-ranking regrets may include having forgotten the exact moment I first listened to Trivia: 轉 Seesaw, but I fell hard and deep. To that point of no return when I read the lyrics and that analogy Yoongi had penned.

I mean, add Autumn Leaves (the complexity of layered notes, beats, and resulting emotions... ah) and you’ve got this king of breakup songs right here.

What beautiful words, what gorgeous language. I wish I could learn Korean just to fully appreciate the message.

Another friend recommended me Butterfly and I lost my shit realizing they referenced Murakami.

More obscure songs like 134340, Paradise and Sea I didn’t get to till much later. Whalien 52 could make me cry just with the lyrics alone (I doubt my exes had ever felt that level of emotional toward me - the more tragic thing is that the doubt would always exist). Just One Day was that track I had on loop this one afternoon I had to go into town for a dinner party, and Miss Right was an accidental discovery that had me grinning and blushing to the boys’ voices alone, same as 21st Century Girl (’Cause you’re my only girl, oh yea. If you love me, just say it straight. We love a confident but committed guy.)

*Dope is that one MV I waited to watch because of my love of uniforms and managed to get to on a day I could not recall.

*This MIC Drop MAMA performance is the hottest clothes-on, turn on performance I’ve ever watched.

Coffee was the track I first listened to on a drive back from a rather unsuccessful and uneventful beach (bitch?!) trip, and the bitter nostalgia cut me deep. Jungkook’s voice could string up my soul any day of the week. Yes, baby, I still drink Caramel Macchiato every time I think of you - the song, not the person, or any person at all.

I discovered HOME because of this comfy Kimmel performance and died over the camaraderie and obvious ties they have as a family.

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Plus a blue-themed home, uh, have you seen my bedroom, sir?

Boy With Luv will cheer me up any time of day - no thoughts but blue haired Tae and bubblegum pink haired #Jimim, indeed. (That mirroring of a glow-up from the 상 남자 of Boy In Luv is genius. Girl, ‘m not begging for you no more, but letting you know that I’m whole and ready and intent on keeping you safe.)

Spring Day I listened to on an off day in October and wrenched my own heart over the lyrics, even starting off a chapter in one of my fics with the verses that hit me most in particular.

The ON:E concert re-introduced me properly to Filter, My Time (sexy personified as a performance), Persona, Interlude: Shadow, Ego, UGH!, Moon (Prince Kim Seokjin - you have my heart, and my light, always), and 00:00 (picked up through Twitter that it was the song for personal therapy and reminded me of that quote - nothing good ever happens between midnight and 2am, go to sleep. Add 2!3!, which I’d properly listened to after viewing the ON:E exhibit, to this and we are done.)

It wasn’t until I listened to Blood, Sweat, and Tears that I went full-blown head over heels (more than I was before). I’m a musical theater kid, have always been at heart, and those boys dancing in the suits and literature and arts references. You could have just plunged that knife a bit deeper into my heart.

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Needless to say that I bought Demian couple of days after (my 3rd Herman Hesse! Regrettably not my favorite.)

Blood, Sweat and Tears joins my own mini self-compilation of songs on the attraction and sublime relishing of a toxic relationship. That sweet temptation that’s so lush in theory yet acidic in real life.

You’re willing to give it all to this person, this passion, this love, this lure of attraction, imprisonment, and just lose yourself.

You’re begging to be hurt, even when you know it.

You’re asking to stay bathed in acid, drown yourself in punishment, and you’re okay. As long as the “you” in the lyrics is ok - to have you.

You’ve signed over your mind, your body and soul - “I know well they’re all yours” - what sinful admittance, what a delicious way to say you’re under the other’s spell. Not like I haven’t been there before (fitting to think of Jimin holding that apple. God.)

“Peaches and Cream/Sweeter than Sweet/Chocolate Cheeks and Chocolate Wings” - talk about dessert, about diabetic, diabolical sweetness that both indulge and burn your soul. These are saccharine metaphors and goddamn if I wasn’t and am all over them.

Sweet as they are, they melt - they expire, they’re tangible but transient, and you’ve chosen to have them anyway, just to taste them, just to know, to satisfy your sense and just to possess.

“There is a ‘bitter’ next to your ‘sweet’“ - this is my kind of writing. My kind of getting your sweet now and being punished for it later, the kind my friend had commented before of living for today and choosing to forgo the punishments of tomorrow that you’re all too aware of.

And here comes Hoseok!

Kiss me, it's okay if it hurts Just make it as tight As that I can't feel the pain anymore

Goddamn. That Blade Runner 2049 phrase about how pain makes you human - this is next level of hurting just so you could feel. This is hurting to know that it’s real - that the ‘you’ exists - and this “tightness”, this tense sensation, is only reminding you that the lover(?) is worth the pain (grit your teeth and continue!)

Baby, it's okay if I get drunk I'll drink you in deep now Deep into my throat The whiskey that is you

Intoxication - another one of my favorite topics sprouting a platitude of interpretations. Aside from being a sucker (and loving it myself) of saying “baby,” (signaling intimacy, no less) - this is an artful, eloquent way to sketch another version of “love is the/a drug,” which the lover/”you” is consciously consuming with consent.

There’s a repeat in the “d’s” that definitely conjures an imagery of diving deeper and deeper into a bottomless abyss, or of drinking your bottles dry - but this is a translation so that’s that.

But where we have been (or were) in love, we could feel the other person intoxicating, consuming us, consuming our senses, straying our conscience, blurring the lines among reality, reasoning and our own thoughts and what they may have driven us to think or view, just like alcohol or drugs would lead you to do. That inebriated state would be just a self-enriching cycle of docile submission and self-driven continuance.

It doesn't matter if it hurts Tie me up so I can't escape Hold me tight and shake me up So that I can't come to my senses

Like Jimin with the cloth over his eyes in the MV, this is another conscious decision to be held imprisoned, bounded, senses so disrupted you’re choosing to stay. I don’t know about you, but there’s an inkling of weakness in me when I’d chosen to do that, to opt for that choice and stay in something I was fully aware from experience wasn’t going to last (’can’t come to my senses’) but choosing to blind myself to indulge in the fleeting sweetness anyway.

When you’re making that firm and persistent decision to beg for pain and consciously choosing to numb your senses so you could feel nothing else but what you may have thought you desire to feel - you’ve got it bad, baby. That absinth’s hit you hard.

(And we love it.)

Kiss me on the lips A secret just between the two of us Deeply poisoned by the jail of you I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway

Yoongi’s “Kiss me”, like his “불타오르네” (and obviously “용서해줄게“) in Fire may as well linger in my ears as my personal on-demand whisper sounds. His voice is that sexy as fuck ASMR I never knew I needed (and queue Ben Whishaw’s...)

Here we see “poisoned” harking back to intoxication, and “jail of you,” calling back to the whole verse I’d interpreted above before. What interested me here was the couplet - “Kiss me on the lips/a secret just between the two of us” - kissing as an act of sealing a deal or secret reminds me of age old love songs, of promises made between lovers before they part. Not to mention, this is that sexy, 섹시한 way of “sealing the deal” you may have heard about.

“I cannot worship anyone but you...” holds the lover up high, almost godlike, maybe on a pedestal. It’s that everest, that peak point when you’re more than head over heels in love, when you’re able to see no one but this person. “Worship” is that word signaling holy, direct, and submissive devotion - just powerful.

“...and I knew/The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway” - again the voice of submission in line with above verses, submitting yourself to temptation, same as biting into that apple despite knowing consequences. “Grail” embodies the whole MV image of the classics.

Close my eyes with your caress I can't resist it anyway I can't even escape anymore

You are too sweet, too sweet Because you are too sweet

“Close my eyes” is the same as asking to be blinded (see above). Adding “with your caress” only enhances the intensity of the speaker’s desire, of the intimate and physical nature - you know full well what that person does to you, your heart, conscience, and senses with just one simple touch or the trace of a finger on your skin - especially someone as addicted to skinship as I am. The repetition “You are too sweet...” brings us back full circle to Namjoon’s dessert verses, intoxication, indulgence, and submission.

What a delicious song. I fall in love every time I listen.

Second song in my trilogy is Love Maze - an intoxication of a different, lighter flavor yet still an an intoxication nevertheless.

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Trapped in a maze of decisions Exhausted by all the different chaos We’ve wandered around, looking for the answer Lost in the maze, in the darkness

Jimin’s first verse traverses over the trials and tribulations of every day life - naturally we’re caught in decision-making from the moment we open our eyes (ah, sigh. my major. what the hell), and that, in extreme cases, can escalate to choice paralysis). Life is a mess, to say simply. At times you can feel (and you are) lost in some sort of maze which seems impossible to escape from.

[Verse 2: Jungkook] We ran and ran endlessly But all the fake noise Can’t tear us apart It’s true baby [Refrain: Jimin, Jin] We must believe only in ourselves Can’t let go of each other’s hands We need to be together forever

And now this is just asking your partner to hold your hand throughout the darkness, holding hands while the walls come tumbling down type of way.

[Verse 3: RM] People say That I’ll end up a fool But I don’t wanna use my head I don’t wanna calculate Love ain’t a business Rather like a fitness I’ve never been in a calculating love I know it’ll be cold like winter But I still wanna try

Yup, sure. Love isn’t logical, and we feel it when we feel it. This is a more considered version of love or succumbing to temptation/infatuation, compared to Blood, Sweat, and Tears, see here:

If you push me, I’ll fall, just raise me up again Even if I pull, you don’t have to come

Upon a close look, this is the more confident, the more ‘out-there’ you - like a rocking doll, a full human ready to get back up on its own once fallen, not a blind follower or submissive slave. What I find particularly captivating is the bottom verse - “Even if I pull, you don’t have to come” - this is a show and declaration of independence at its finest. I’ll woo you, I’ll say I want you, and I’ll grab you toward me, but you “don’t have to” be with me, [if you don’t want to.] (Plays I’m Fine)

No matter what others say, don’t listen Just let’em talk, whatever they say The more they do, the more I’m sure

Honestly this reminded me of a past relationship, where figurative hand-holding was the emphasized union to help us make it through. Would have been half the fight if it was that aspect alone, though.

Baby just don’t give a damn

This is the sentence I sing to every single time I play this aloud. The sentence.

I always think, even if eternity is hard I wanna try it, let’s be forever

My ex once asked, “How long is forever?” just ripping off that sign in a mall we walked past, and yes, that’s what I do remember about us. Part of it. Since then, mentions of eternity like this has always hit me.

And forever doesn’t exist, guys. COVID does.

(Bad joke, sorry.)

The song that completes the trilogy is one I discovered only last week. My last BTS x Steve Aoki crossover: Waste It On Me.

Queue neon club lights and bad decision drinks. Kook being Kook, his voice in songs like these, House of Cards, and Savage Love slices you right through, like a young, impressionable boy asking you to give this love a try, to forget yourself in being attracted to him, and to waste the time you aware you’re willing to waste on him:

[Verse 1: Jungkook] You say love is messed up You say that it don't work But, you don't wanna try, no, no (You don't wanna try, no, no) And baby, I'm no stranger To heartbreak and the pain of Always being let go (Always being let go)

This verse, man. When your heart’s rusty and battered and beaten and broken enough, “Baby, I’m no stranger/to heartbreak and the pain of always being let go,” is that overwhelming elixir to slosh it altogether, like soaking your lone damn heart in warm bathwater, and with Jungkook’s inviting voice, you may have added your favorite flavor of Lush bathbomb.

[Pre-Chorus: Jungkook, RM & Jimin] And I know there's no making this right, this right (This right) And I know there's no changing your mind, your mind (Your mind) But we both found each other tonight, tonight (Oh yeah) So if love is nothing more than just a waste of your time

It’s that exact moment when it’s the night of your birthday, you’re all dressed up with only one place to go in a town where you knew a handful of people, and the guy at the bar had bought you a shot of mysterious substance to drink. So you’re here. So he’s here. And the drink’s here, between you two, and you’ve downed it in. And you’re here.

So why not?

‘Waste it on me’ is a sexy invitation in itself, that momentarily grasp for pleasure. Ok, yea. I’m all yours.

Tonight.

[Verse 2: RM] So we don't gotta go there Past lovers and warfare It's just you and me now (Yeah, yeah) I don't know your secrets But I'll pick up the pieces Pull you close to me now (Yeah, yeah)

Namjoon’s voice has always been sexy to me. Masculine, dominating, in control, in the same way that Yoongi’s raspy, gravelly voice grabs you and stubbornly holds you close.

Maybe this guy you’d just met in a club’s blabbering away to pierce who you may have been or who you’re presenting yourself to be just for you to be with him, and takes ahold of your waist before you could say no.

What do you say?

Yay, don't you think there must be a reason? Yeah, like we had our names Don't you think we got another season That come after spring? I wanna be your summer I wanna be your wave Treat me like a comma I'll take you to a new phrase Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away If I'm not your taste, babe, waste Waste it on me

I’m speechless over the “Treat me like a comma, I’ll take you to a new phrase,” wordplay. Most of all, it illustrated my past relationship in that all too on-the-nose way, for me and him both. English is sexy, man, please don’t ever say it isn’t.

“Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away/If I’m not your taste, babe.” I’m partial to babe as much as baby, let’s be real. Haha. The whole “come just eat me” paints that picture of the speaker being “consumed,” just devoured whole (echoing the earlier image of being “washed over” from “I wanna be your wave”) by the to-be-lover, without a care, a giving-himself-away submission reminiscent of Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ intoxication and blind bondage. The speaker here doesn’t even care if he’s not tailored to the ‘lover’s’ desire, ready to be discarded, treating himself here as disposable, even worse than Love Maze’s partnered hopefulness and teamwork or Blood, Sweat and Tears’ irresistible, spellbound attraction.

Aaand there you have it, my ramblings on Bangtan (as of now). There’s just so, so much - I’ve recently received my HYYH Pt.1 (RIMBAUD! SEXY CONVERSE!!! BOYZ with FUN!) and YNWA albums, not to mention my rap line songs, vocal line, In the Soop, Performance details, Run BTS (source of joy and laughter, more than any man has ever affected me), Premiums, and the whole “Love Yourself” concept + B.E. Itself.

I’ll be sure to pop back in very, very soon!

#BTS

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missmungoe · 7 years ago

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ASL - Narwhal + Jellyfish (kill me)

CROOKED RETROSPECTION // Ace, Sabo, Luffy // Narwhal; keep coming back to the same place + Jellyfish; a thousand little stings

He has the dream again, the one where he almost makes it in time – the one where he’s not too late remembering, but still too late to change it.

He’s been here before, in this place that’s not quite Marineford but almost – a hundred images and impressions pieced together with sloppy, uneven stitches, collected over the course of two long years, from scouring newspaper after newspaper, from classified Government documents, from second-hand recounts. It’s a half-scrambled mish-mash of memories that aren’t his own, but it seems fitting, somehow, since for so long he had so few of those.

It’s not quite right, Sabo knows – the plaza looks a little skewed, and everything is a little blurry, like shadows of what they’re supposed to be, shattered rocks and ice and upended ships littered like a careless child’s discarded playthings. And if he doesn’t focus on them, it’s okay. It’s when he looks, when he tries to see that he’ll realise it’s not the way it should be. The jagged corners of the rocks aren’t sharp enough, and the ships are indistinguishable from each other. The ice isn’t white enough, or it’s too white, or too blue. It’s not cold enough, or it is but his breath isn’t fogging like it should.

And, of course, there’s his brother.

“You could have imagined me a little more ripped,” Ace says, arms crossed over his chest. His gaze drops, to do an unimpressed sweep over himself, before lifting back to Sabo, his brows quirking, along with the corner of his mouth. “I know I was in prison and all, but I wasn’t this skinny when I died.”

“Shut up,” Sabo says, but it sounds half-hearted even to his own ears. But he’s had this conversation too many times – or variants of it, anyway, and he’s too tired to be angry; is exhausted from reliving this hell over and over.

But when he looks at Ace next he looks – different, like his mind has adjusted, or at least tried to. Now he stands a little taller, a little broader over the shoulders. Sabo doesn’t know if it’s any closer to how he’d been; all the pictures he’d seen from the papers had been from awkward angles, and in the records from Impel Down he’d been gaunt, drawn and sallow-skinned and nothing like the boy Sabo remembers, who’d worn the sun on his skin, brown with thick clusters of freckles.

Of course, that boy hadn’t been a boy when he’d died.

“Okay,” Ace sighs, rolling his shoulders, as though getting ready. “Let’s do this again.”

He walks across the broken ground of not-quite-Marineford, and Sabo watches as the scene sets, other voices filling the air, a clamour of weapons clashing and the screams of the dying, pirates and marines alike. And there’s Luffy, and Akainu. And he’s relived this scene so many times he’s almost convinced himself that he was there. Like the memories are really his, and not just half-assed constructs that he’s pieced together from scraps.

And part of him knows it’s futile – he knows, because he’s done this so many fucking times, and he’s tired, and hurt, like each dream has left a bruise he can’t see, a cut that doesn’t bleed but that he still feels, a whole collection’s worth, ten, fifty, a hundred, a thousand little wounds that amass to something Sabo is surprised he can live with.

But he does live. Ironic, that.

And he should just stop trying, but the second Akainu moves his body jerks into action, and he can’t just stop, can’t let this go because it’s the last thing he has of the brother he’d lost, and so with a shout clawing, tearing up his throat, Sabo lunges–

It doesn’t work this time, either.

When it’s over, Ace gets up and dusts himself off. There’s a gaping hole in his chest, and Sabo can’t look away from it. He’s breathing so hard it sounds like he’s sobbing. Then again, he probably is.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work,” Ace says, with a decisive nod – like they’re ten years old and they’re looking up at the treehouse and he’s decided that the steps in the ladder are too far apart; Luffy might not have a problem, but they don’t all have limbs that stretch forever. “You coming in at that angle? He’d take my head off instead, and to be honest, I’d rather have the sucking hole in my chest.” He points to his face. “And this would be a true loss.”

Sabo glares. “Do you need to be like this every time?”

The grin Ace flashes is wide, and full of hard, self-deprecating cheer. “Be like what?”

“So fucking casual about being dead,” Sabo snaps, running a hand through his hair, like he wants to tear some of it loose.

Ace shrugs. Through the hole in his chest, Sabo glimpses part of the broken plaza. “I am dead,” Ace says, matter of fact, and Sabo wants to punch him.

He sits down instead – drops onto his ass on the broken ground, and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes, hoping it’ll shove him into wakefulness.

It doesn’t, but then maybe he isn’t really trying as hard as he pretends to.

“I could have changed it,” Sabo says, with a ragged breath. “I know I could have.”

Ace gives another shrug. “I could have joined a travelling troupe, but that didn’t happen.”

Sabo cuts him a look for that. “I’m not appreciating the glibness.”

Ace just grins, and quips, “It comes with the whole being dead gig. I call it ‘post-gallows humour’. Which is pretty literal in my case.”

There’s a hysteric laugh bubbling up his throat that he can’t stop, and Sabo buries his head in his hands. “God. Shut up.”

“I’m in your head, Sabo,” Ace says. “I don’t call the shots here. This is all on you.”

Sabo thinks he might have flipped him off, if he hadn’t been so tired. Instead he does nothing, but then what else is new?

His brother takes a seat beside him then – uncompelled, although maybe Sabo had brought the action about without realising. And dream or not, he doesn’t tell Ace to shove off – can’t, even if it’s not his brother. Not as had been, anyway. Not as he should be, either, which would be alive.

“And ripped,” Ace supplies, with another look. “You’re still holding back with that. What’s the matter? Afraid I’ll make you feel inadequate?”

Sabo surprises himself by almost smiling. “You wish.”

There’s another lull. Above, a hard sun bears down, glittering off the ice and the surface of the water, a white so bright it hurts his eyes to look directly at it, and frost vapours have crept in along the broken shore, shrouding everything in a damp veil that should make his hair curl but doesn’t. Of course, it’s not real.

Around them, the sounds of fighting have died back down, leaving a hush, like actors gone for their break between rehearsals. It’s just the two of them now, and the ice that doesn’t melt. Not-quite-Marineford blurs at the corners of his eyes, an unimportant backdrop to an event that is anything but that.

A glance to his left finds Ace staring up at the too-blue sky. His hair is streaked grey with ash, thick clumps of it sticking together with sweat and dirt, and the dried blood looks brown on his skin. It’s almost impossible to tell it apart from the freckles.

There’s still a gaping hole in his chest, but it’s not bleeding. Sabo doesn’t know if it should – if wounds made by a fire that hot would bleed at all, or just cauterize the flesh in one fell swoop.

“Dude,” Ace says, with a short laugh. “That’s morbid. And a little disgusting. I’m almost proud.”

Sabo just looks at the hole. “You’re dead, Ace.”

“Yeah,” Ace says, and with a wry look, “And you’re kidding yourself if you think you can pull off long hair. Very few people have the face for it.” He gestures to his own. “Case in point.”

“Better a bad hairdo than being six feet under,” Sabo says, before he can stop himself.

Ace shrugs, smiling. “Fair enough.”

“I could have changed it,” Sabo says again. His voice sounds hoarse, like he’s been screaming the words, over and over.

Ace hums. “The six-feet-under bit?” He shrugs. “Maybe. I always thought a burial at sea sounded cool, but I didn’t really have a say in the matter, so in the ground I went. Not that I don’t appreciate the big-ass headstone. The old man always said Red-Hair was too dramatic for his own good, but damn if he can’t put on a decent funeral.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sabo snaps, angry now. “I meant–”

“Luffy doesn’t,” Ace says, before he can finish.

Brows drawing together, his first remark is still halfway off his tongue, but he discards it, and, “Luffy doesn’t what?” Sabo asks instead.

Ace smiles – a small, proud thing. “He doesn’t dwell on it anymore. He’s moved forward.” He lifts his eyes to Sabo. “Why haven’t you?”

Sabo just stares at him, and Ace waves to not-quite-Marineford. “This?” he asks. “Why are you still here? My execution was two years ago. I know you were late to the party and all, but come on.”

“Were you this insufferable when you were alive?” Sabo asks.

Ace just looks at him, smile a little odd. “There’s a way you could find out.” He looks at the plaza again. “Not this way, though.”

He has a response ready, but it dies along with his anger, and so he shuts his mouth instead. And it’s so much easier, being angry – at himself, for doing nothing. At the world, for being what it is. It’s worse, the silence that comes when the anger doesn’t have any more kindling left to burn.

Resignation, Sabo thinks, and he’s never been good at resigning himself to anything.

“I’m afraid I’ll forget,” he blurts then, the words like something uncoiling within him, a tightly kept secret, but Ace only looks at him. “I did it, once. And even now I’ve…got all these memories that I didn’t before, but none of them are of you. Not like you were, when – when you died. If I just put it behind me, what the hell does that leave me with?”

“There’s a difference between forgetting and moving on,” Ace says.

Sabo looks at the ground. “Yeah?”

His brother is quiet a moment. Then, “I never forgot,” Ace says, and Sabo looks up. “When you died, moving on was hard, but I did it. We both did.” A small smile. “Luffy cried a lot.”

The laugh that leaves him is wet. “Yeah, well. He cried when I met up with him, too.” The smile that finds him is a little too fond to be appropriately deprecating. “He always was the strongest,” Sabo says. “Bawled like the whole world was ending, but then he’d dust himself off and move forward.”

Ace says nothing to that, but that small smile stays, like the hole in his chest.

Sabo looks out at the plaza, and not-quite-Marineford. He tries to imagine what it felt like, being caught up in that hell. His own hell had been different – is different, this pathetic substitute of a battlefield he’d never even set foot on, with a dead brother who refuses to stay that way. Or maybe it’s just Sabo who refuses to let him, remembering the wrong things, in lieu of having nothing.

“I could have changed it,” Sabo says, but it’s not regret that roots the truth out from where he’s been storing it, like a dearly held keepsake placed on the wrong shelf. Instead it’s realisation that plucks the words down from their perch, to push them off his tongue. He could have done a lot of things.

“Maybe,” Ace says.

“But I didn’t change it.”

“You didn’t.”

“I can’t change it now.”

“Nope.”

A rush of breath, “And it’s not my fault that I didn’t change it,” Sabo says. Admits.

Ace smiles. “There you go.”

Sabo breathes, and – and breathes, like he’s just been told how. Like he hasn’t remembered how until this moment.

“I used to wonder what would have happened, if we’d stopped you from leaving that time,” Ace says then, and Sabo looks up, surprised. Ace shrugs. “Maybe we could have changed things, maybe we couldn’t have, but we still moved on. And I died without any memories of you as you are now, but that didn’t mean I’d forgotten. There are other ways of remembering.”

When Sabo just looks at him, Ace arches a brow. “I tattooed your initial on my arm. Do you know how many people have asked me if it’s a typo?”

Despite himself – or maybe it’s not in spite of anything, but because they are who they are, now as surely as any other time – Sabo grins. “To be fair, you were never the best at spelling.”

“Hey,” Ace says, but he’s grinning, too. “Don’t speak ill of the dead.”

The laugh tears loose of him with a sob, and his chest hurts like he’s the one with the gaping wound, but it’s not, it never is, but this dream isn’t the same as the one he usually has.

And it hurts like hell, but he’s suffered enough injuries in his life to know the difference between the kind of hurt that kills and the kind that heals, and even if one isn’t necessarily any kinder than the other, the difference is significant. Is everything.

“Fuck you for dying,” Sabo laughs, sobbing, and Ace grins.

“Right back at you.”

And they’re still sitting there, in the middle of the rubble that probably wasn’t arranged quite this way, and maybe his brother had been broader over the shoulders, or had fewer freckles than Sabo gives him now. Maybe he’d talked differently, or held himself differently, but that’s not what matters; it’s not in appearance or mannerisms that he’s been remembering him wrong.

A long pause has stretched under the too-blue sky, but then, with a quick, crooked smile –

“I’m not tattooing your initial on my arm,” Sabo says, and Ace sticks his tongue out.

“Suit yourself. Bet you don’t have the arms for it, anyway.”

Sabo shoves him, and Ace falls over, laughing. And they’ve never done it this way before – he’s never laughing when he goes down, knees scabbed and the smell of burning flesh clogging the air. And the hole in his chest is still there, and all of Sabo’s little, invisible wounds, but it’s better than it should be – even if none of it is real, it’s a whole lot better than anything has been, in a long time.

—

He wakes to find Koala staring into his face, and he’s yelling before he’s even had time to draw breath, a shout startled loose with an oath.

She pinches his nose shut, and strangles the word before it’s had the chance to leap off his tongue.

“Language,” she says, pertly. “Seriously, Sabo-kun.”

He’s glaring up at her, rubbing at his nose now that she’s released it, but instead of sticking her tongue out Koala just tilts her head, expression softening a bit.

“Bad dream?” she asks, with a look that knows, even before she adds, as though she needs to explain, as though he doesn’t already know that she knows him better than most, “You were mumbling in your sleep. Something about tattoos.”

Sabo surprises himself by laughing, and her brows quirk up, before her smile follows, a gentle curve at the corners. “No,” he says, his own smile not as soft, but more than it would have been, on a different morning and with the dying echo of not-quite-Marineford ringing through his head. “Not this time.”

She wants to ask, he can tell, and resolves to tell her later, when he’s a little more clear-headed. But first, he has something he needs to do.

“Hey,” Sabo says. “Could you bring me the Den Den Mushi?”

Koala blinks, curiosity coming to settle in the slight purse of her mouth, but she complies without question, sliding off the bunk to hunt down the snail across the room.

He’s sitting up on the mattress when she brings it back, still in his shirtsleeves and with his hair a spectacular mess, at least going by the smile she’s doing a truly terrible job of hiding. But he doesn’t have a mind to spare how he looks, or that he hasn’t had breakfast yet, because then he’s dialling the number, the one he knows by heart, the receiver steady in his hand. He’s just now coming fully out of sleep, the last remnants of the dream lingering, loud laughter and that too-blue sky, and too many freckles on his brother’s skin.

There’s a lull where the snail stares back, gaze blank and emitting that droning, vacant hum, before the call connects, jerking it into awareness, and, “Hellooo? This is Luffy,” chirps his brother’s voice, and the snail’s eyes go round and owlish, followed by the matter-of-fact declaration, “the man who’s going to become the Pirate King.”

Sabo grins. “Hey, Luffy.”

“Ah – Sabo!” the snail laughs, delight brightening the sound of his name, loud where it spills over the line. And he doesn’t ask why he’s calling, like someone else might have done, as though the call itself is what matters, not the reason behind it. Sabo doesn’t doubt that Luffy would have been happy if all he’d done was call to say hello.

But he does have a reason for calling, and, “Would you tell me?” Sabo asks then, and thinks about the brother who may or may not have had so many freckles, who might have been a little broader over the shoulders, and who might not have been so glib. Or maybe he had been. The thing is, Sabo wants to know.

“Tell you what?” Luffy asks, voice curious, and Sabo smiles. And maybe they’re not his memories, the ones he’s asking for now, but he’d rather have them than the ones he has, the patchwork of what-ifs and could-have-beens that doesn’t do his memory justice; Ace, who’d never lived by regrets. That’s not the way he wants to remember his brother.

“About Ace.”

#one piece #asl brothers #asl #portgas d. ace #sabo #monkey d. luffy #koala #opfanfic #opfanfiction #one piece fanfiction #my fic #under the sea prompts #mungoe writes #mello3jay #thank you for the prompt!

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