#lit terally

[sandiegokpop]

Screaming w/out the s

[dumbassv32]

has anyone else been reaaalllyy suspicious of the skittles twit

[justyoursicanon]

It was my fault (so I'm gonna fix it!)

Thank you @luminary-rainchii for the idea! which was:

"bing egging google into doing something, leading to him taking googs to an android repair shop?"

(I will write your other ideas later on once I know what I'm doin xD And I apologies that this is so long.)

You may start reading ^^

"F-for the last time B-bing, I am not risking my system to do suc-ch dangerous actions-s." Google's voice glitched as they continued to scroll through his hologram while Bing, who was sitting beside them and pouting.

"Aw come on Googs! It'll be fun! I'm sure it won't be that bad." Google glared at the other android and raised an eyebrow. "You have lit-terall-ly suggeste-ed that we should ju-ump off a roof." Bing only shrugged. "Never said it was gonna be safe in the first place." Bing muttered while Google rolled their eyes. "Let me finis-sh this then I s-shall join y-you." If anyone saw Google let a small smile appear on their lips when they saw Bing lighten up, they better keep their mouth shut.

~~

And here they are now, both androids standing on a roof of an abandoned warehouse. Not big but not small, not tall but not short. Bing looked down, checking how far the fall is and stepped back. "Wanna go first dude?" Bing asked. Google stared down, arms crossed and serious as always. "W-would you like to dem-monstrate how this-s would be a g-good idea?" Google asked as he looked up from the ground below them. Bing shrugs and walks backs, causing Google to tilt their head in confusion. But they quickly took a step back when Bing suddenly ran and jumped off the edge. Bing falls the ground and lands on one knee down and the other up. He looks up at Google and smiles. "See? Not bad at all dude! Give it a try!" Google grumbled but did what Bing had done.

Unfortunately one thing led to another and Google face plants onto the ground. Causing his system from his head to malfunction and had done an emergency shut down.

~~

Bing enters the familiar repair shop somewhere in the city and carefully places Google onto a waiting chair and walks deeper into the shop. "Ash? You in here dudette?" Bing asked aloud while looking around. Then in the back of the main counter came out a woman with orange and red-is hair, goggles on the top of their hair as they wipe a mark away. "Bing! So happy to see you again! Where's Google?" Bing was glad they could trust someone radical like Ash, she knew he and Google were androids and she was kinda enough to keep it a secret. "Kinda encouraged Google to do some stupid shit and uh-" He turns and points at Google's shut down appearance. "Got him to shut down and nose a lil dented." Ash walks up and takes a look at Google, squinting her eyes at the damage but shrugs. "There's some tools and a big enough table for you to repair them. Because I know damn well I can't" She chuckled while Bing smiled. "Thanks dudette! Your the best." Ash just smiled back and looked at their phone from the sudden notification. "Oh crap, my breaks gonna end in the next 29 minutes. I'll be out with my girlfriend for my break. Be back soon!" She says and grabs a bag from a near by chair and walks out. Bing waves as she exits and turns to Google, his worry coming back to him and quickly went on to fix him.

In about an hour Bing was able to bring Google back up (Google's security was so good that it sucked for Bing because of how hard it was) Bing tapped Google and the 'G' lit up. He took a step back as Google's eyes lit up and he rebooted. A little bit later and Google's eyes turned back to normal and raised an eyebrow. "W-what ha-appene-ed?" They asked and tried to bring a hologram up to check their system but Bing only hugged them. "So glad your okay dude- And real sorry I made you do something stupid." Bing muttered as he hugged Google tight. Google was still but hugged back kind of awkwardly (Their trying their best okay?) And they both parted. The hologram popped up and Google wasn't surprised by the results. "So I-I faceplant-ted on the ground and s-shut down correct?" Bing nodded. "I a-am impressed you got through my secur-rity system, bu-ut remind me to never listen to you ev-ver again." Bing chuckled. "Promise, no more involving you into some dangerous ideas and crushing your nose anymore." Bing brought his pinky up and Google stared at it, then sighed and brought their pinky up to Bing and did the pinky promise. Even though Google knew damn well Bing will keep encouraging them to join him later on.

Wait, did Bing say they broke their nose?

The end ^^

[raeofthelight]

Plans for Halloween: vodka, apple cider, heath candy bars, and over the garden wall.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Italy is desperately trying to pass a law that identifies hate crimes committed on accounts of gender, sexual orientation and (dis)ability as hate crimes (something most Western European countries, and more, have, it’s only us still missing because our right-wing parties keep flunking all attempts) and other small measures against homotransphobia, which is obviously making all the homophobes pop up like daisies to give their opinions routinely based on dirty lies and bigotry, which includes the literal fucking Vatican which is literally a foreign state. We literally are having a controversy because a foreign state wants to tell out sovereign Parliament what to do and our prime minister had to declare that our state is a laic state and all the extreme catholics are acting like this offends their delicate sensibilities.

Pull the trigger Piglet

[insxparablxduo]

We lit terally can't help but fall for well developed worldbuilding with systems for gods and interesting charecter concepts. You seem pretty nice ooc as well, even though we've only had a very brief conversation.

Meme || No Cap!

Ahhh you have no idea how touched I am to read this! I'm not always confident in my work, but knowing that other people like it and are interested in it always makes me super happy and feel a lot better. This is really nice of you to say so thank you so much! I really try my best not to come off as really scary or anything like that when I talk to others since I know a lot of people are shy in the first place and I don’t wanna scare em off or anything like that. 

[girlglassestheotherone]

did someone say they wanted a bunch of words about a character who was on screen for exactly two seconds??

2020

Ann Arbor, Michigan

“He is definitely going to get reelected, Leslie,” Ann said reassuringly into the video call on her watch.

“Ann Perkins, you magnificent trash compactor monster from Star Wars,” Leslie said at the other end of the line, hugging one of the Ann scrapbooks she kept on her desk. Faintly in the background of Leslie’s call, Ben shouted how the monster was called a dianoga. “I’m sure you’re right, but I just needed to hear it from your beautiful mouth.”

“Thanks, babe,” Ann and Ben said at the same time.

“Wave your arm, Ann, I want to see how terrible this park is compared to Indiana.”

“Ok,” Ann laughed, slowly moving her watch so Leslie could get a view.

“Damn it, it’s gorgeous. I can see why you live here,” Leslie said.

“You know we don’t actually live in the park,” Ann said, distracted by a sudden noise, “I’m going to call you back.” Ann rushed over to the source of the noise, her son Oliver crying at the base of one of the park slides.

“A doggy bit him,” Oliver’s sister Leslie said, opening her small dolphin shaped backpack and pulling out the tiny first aid kit she asked to take home from one visit to the hospital where Ann worked. “But no blood so it didn’t break the skin.”

“Aren’t you four?” Ann asked Leslie, holding Oliver’s hand in one hand while putting another on his shoulder.

“I am lit-trally five, Ann,” Leslie said, sighing in the same way Chris did when Ann accidentally deleted the series finale of This is Us, before brightly saying that he remembered they had it on Hulu. She was her father’s daughter in almost every way.

“Dogs are stupid,” Oliver said as Ann applied the band aid just in case to the area, his injury now more emotional than physical.

“Dogs are not stupid, Ollie’s stupid,” Leslie said, zipping up her backpack and placing it back on her shoulders.

“Shut up! I hate dumb dogs!” Oliver said, kicking some of the sand in the direction of his sister. Whenever her kids fought, Ann remembered just how similar the two were, Oliver being only sixteen months older and now they were the same height.

“Stop it,” Ann said, preemptively blocking Leslie’s return sand kick before the fight could escalate. “We don’t say hate or stupid. Or shut up.”

“You said them, Ann,” Oliver laughed, his sister giggling now with him.

 2025

Pawnee, Indiana

“We have three dogs,” John Swanson said, answering the question Stephen Knope Wyatt had asked him while they sat together eating more of the breakfast foods their parents had set up. Stephen nodded agreeably with a mouthful of blueberry muffin. Across from the two Leslie Perkins Traeger glanced inside the Parks department window watching as her brother Oliver waved a comic book at Stephen’s sister.

“I have a rabbit, named Mrs. Sprinkles,” Leslie said, frowning at the back of her brother’s stupid head. He was the reason Ann and Chris never got a dog, despite years of Leslie only asking for a dog and no other presents for her birthday or Christmas. The rabbit had been a compromise last Christmas.

“No one should own rabbits anymore,” John said, “My sister Zoey sent me this documentary about how terrible it is for pet rabbits.”

“I don’t think I like you,” Leslie thought to herself, staring daggers at him. Leslie also decided to dislike Stephen too, who had been nodding at nearly everything John was saying. She had already decided she was only going to be friends with Sonia, who she already knew from a Galentines day party two years prior. Now she had to distract Sonia away from stupid Oliver.

“I’m going to go talk with Sonia,” Leslie said, standing up from the table. Whatever Oliver was saying to Sonia, might stop her from being best friends with Leslie and she had to stop it. She walked back in the parks office, past her mom and the triplets’ mom, who had just been watching Oliver and Sonia. Adults were so weird.

“Hey Ivy,” Sonia said, looking up as soon as Leslie walked into the conference room. “Sorry, Leslie.”

“They sound alike,” Leslie said, a little hurt that Sonia only kind of remembered her.

“It’s also a little confusing,” Sonia said, “You and my mom have the same name. But I do have the same middle name as your mom’s first name.”

“Do you think our moms are in love with each other?” Oliver asked, “They keep hugging.”

“Maybe,” Leslie said, “Hey Ollie, there’s a few more muffins if you want,” Leslie said, pointing to the table outside the door.

“Why are you saying,” Oliver asked suspiciously, as lately all of their squabbles had been food based and his sister would never encourage him to eat food, only point out that she thought he was eating too much. Leslie sat on the other side of Sonia, ignoring his follow up question.

“My middle name’s Christine,” Leslie volunteered, since Sonia had shared hers.

“Leslie Christine,” Sonia said, “LC, could I call you that? It would be less confusing.”

“Sure!” Leslie said, eager to please. Sonia was definitely cooler than triplet brothers and her own stupid brother. “Do you actually have a pitbull puppy?”

Oliver stood up, deciding he would actually like to get another muffin and maybe talk with some of the other kids. He thought about calling Leslie an attention hog, it was so easy for her to turn the spotlight on herself, but knew it would lead to her refrain calling him a “lit-teral hog.”

“Her name’s Champion 3,” Sonia said, beaming, “And I have a cat named Pythagoras and three birds, Alexander Hamilbird, George Washingbird and Bird Adams. And there’s Westley’s turtle, but he’s a secret turtle, don’t tell anyone. And we have two other dogs, but they’re not pitbulls. I really want a pig and a rabbit.” Leslie, or LC as she was now practicing saying in her head, beamed at her new bestie and her nonjudgmental view of rabbit ownership. She couldn’t wait to introduce Sonia to Mrs. Sprinkles.

[brilliantobservations]

Stupid Todd and the KKK

Oh, Todd. You heard it here first, gang: there are LIT terally card carrying members of the KKK. And yes, they’re recruiting. Stupid Todd makes an appearance on the golf court with a relationship drama of his own making. And Amy records on the road Chez Brilliant, which means the call is coming “from inside the house.” 

The ladies evaluate the latest Summer Slang. Hint: we are not hip. 

Missy blows the shofar with a new call for you bitches to Brag. (They’re just the facts, ma’am.) We both work through the realities of the Midlife Health Crisis. Oy. Will it inspire you to live better? Or fear more? 

As always, Dear Listener, we trust you to decide. 

On that note…

Brilliant Observations is a coping conversation for many, including us. That means we go out of our way to avoid topics we spend a good deal of our real lives talking about — things like reproductive rights, systemic racism, attacks on United States democracy, gun culture, atrocities in Ukraine, the global rise of fascism — you know, lighthearted, safe-for-mixed-company stuff. 

Point being, we staunchly avoid weighty, real world topics as a service to you. Our goal is to provide a lil relief from what otherwise consumes your day. 

Let us know if it’s working. 

You can find us on the socials at @ListenBrilliant, or in our cheerful Facebook Group at BrillObSquad. Email is always brilliantobservations@gmail.com. 

  Want some swag? Buy stickers, tees, totes and m’goats at TeePublic. Or, just support us with your cold hard cash at Patreon. It really does make a difference.

  Love this episode? Share it with a friend via text message, social media or word of mouth. Sharing is caring, folx. Find us everywhere as @ListenBrilliant. 

  Like what you hear? Rate us five stars on RateThisPodcast

Find and share all our episodes on ApplePodcasts,  GoodPods, Spotify,  Audible,  YouTube,  Stitcher and everywhere else you likah-ta listen.

Looking for a few likeminded souls to complain I mean CONNECT with? Join our Facebook Group at BillObsSquad and follow our show page @ListenBrilliant  (Facebook,  Instagram,  Pinterest).

Feeling old school? Send us an email at BrilliantObservations@gmail.com. Or visit our show pages on podpage.com/brilliant-observations.com  or brilliantobservations.com .

  If You Love Brilliant Observations Comedy Podcast, you might also like…

If you laugh along and relate to Brilliant Observations, chances are you’ll love these likeminded, strong female centric podcasts, too:

She Podcasts, Libsyn’s The Feed, You Are That, Mouse and Weens, I Shake My Head with Lisa and Sam, Momtourage, Comedy Bang! Bang!, BitchSesh, Smartless, Bertcast, Hello Seven, Podcast that Pays, Dear Chelsea, Office Ladies, Call Her Daddy, And That’s Why We Drink, Girls Gotta Eat, The Morning Toast, The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamo, WHOREable decisions, Brilliant Idiots, Dying for Sex, In Bed with Nick and Megan, Trash Tuesday w/ Annie, & Esther, & Khalya, You’ve Got Nerve with Susan Hyatt, Guys We F****d, Business Fabulous with Bonny Frank, Big Happy Money with Serena Hicks, Unverified with Coral Trigger, Hello Flow with Dr. Julia Colangelo, Mouth Feelings, Guilty Pleasure, Sweaty and Pissed, Almost 30 Podcast, Terrible Thanks for Asking, Women of the Hour, Boobies and Newbies, Podbroads, and dozens of others.

  Find and follow them all in the Girl Got Mic group on Twitter or on the GoodPods app. And if you don't see a show you should, by all means, ADD IT. 

  Penny for your Thoughts? Full disclosure: there is no penny. If you've got four minutes to kill, we'd love for you to waste it taking our Listener Demographic Survey. We'll use this data to fashion hand-crafted macaroni scultures of historic female librarians. And possibly to appease our soon-to-be sponsors. It's all anonymous, kids, so please be honest. 

You can find the survey here: https://bit.ly/BrilliantObservations

Want even more Brilliant Observations? Join our newly formed email list by sending the word SERIOUSLY to BrilliantObservations@gmail.com. We promise not to sell or spam. Or to sell spam. Because that's just gross. 

  Did you miss the part where you can contact us? Here is it again, just in case you want to join the nonsense online @ListenBrilliant, @BrillObsSquad, www.BrilliantObservations.com, or BrilliantObservations@gmail.com.

Find swag at TeePublic.com/BrilliantObservations, or support us at patreon.com/BrilliantObservations.

   Our goal this month is to add one new subscriber each day. Will that be you Dear Listener? If you have an iPhone just ask Siri to “subscribe to Brilliant Observations podcast for free.” Or preserve the economy for human jobs and do it yourself.

Visit Apple iTunes and search Podcasts for Brilliant Observations, then under the show graphic, click Subscribe.

  And now, we tag:

January 6 committee, Roe v Wade, SCOTUS reversal, SCOTUS overturned, separation of church and state, bodily autonomy, reproductive freedom, NRA now, Peleton, comedy, podcast for women, podcasts for women, friends, girlgotmic, ladypodsquad, podern family, podcast movement, podfest, sex, relationships, chat, unfiltered, radio, fun, happy, happiness, boobs, dogs, marriage, midlife, kids, parenting, college, goals, brillobssquad, BrillObSquad, brilliant, observations, podcast, comedy, funny, women, lady, girlfriends funny, happiness, almost30podcast, 50af, love, Angie Jordan, Podcast That Pays, Goaldigger podcast, Glennon Doyle, Brene Brown, Brené Brown, Libsyn, menopause, midlife, Michelle Obama, Brilliant Idiots, Mouse and Weens, She Podcasts, She Podcasts Live 2022, I Shake My Head with Lisa and Sam, Outlanderpod, Chat 10 Looks 3, Sweaty and Pissed, Shonda Rhymes, writing, amwriting, writer, lfg, travel lacrosse, beach life, Jersey shore, middle age, teens, call me daddy, 2 bears 1 cave, Jessica Kupferman, John Bukenis, Bad Friends, Girls Gotta Eat, Rayna Greenberg, Ashley Hesseltine, And that’s why we drink, Whoreable Decisions, Las Culturistas

  Connect with Brilliant Observations Podcast

Facebook Group: /BrillObsSquad Facebook:  @ListenBrilliant  Instagram:  @ListenBrilliant  Twitter: @ListenBrilliant 

Email: BrilliantObservations@gmail.com Web Site: BrilliantObservations.com

  Episode 255 Stupid Todd and the KKK Brilliant Observations Comedy Conversation Podcast with Melissa Brilliant and Amy Fugazi

  Latest podcast episode!

[weaponizedhorse]

Me and the guy in the wheelchair kept asking for him to move and he kept going "there's no where to move the Walker" and " I can't put it anywhere" like bro just move for TWO SEC lit/terally two seconds and you can move right back! I promise!

JFC we aren’t moving in this bus cause this guy won’t get off his walker and just sit. Like leave the Walker and sit next to it. He keeps going “ I can’t fit the water there” like you don’t have too just move your ass! The bus driver won’t move cause it isn’t safe til you put your ass in a seat.

[scottharada]

Creative Debauchery "LIT"terally edition