#listening is also getting ever so slightly better I'd like to believe :')

[misskamelie]

Decided to believe my listening comprehension is improving by being able to somewhat follow a radio podcast on a topic I know something about

[stevie-petey]

episode three: holly, jolly

Jonathan, your Jonathan, would never do this.  He tries to approach you again but you find yourself stumbling back, knocking against Steve’s chest. Hurt flashes in his eyes, you’ve never flinched at Jonathan’s touch, but what he did has changed everything.  Steve places a hand on your shoulder. “See, you can tell that he knows it was wrong, but that’s the thing about perverts. It’s hard-wired into them. They just can’t help themselves.”  He begins tearing up the pictures, and you can’t believe Jonathan of all people is making you agree with Harrington, yet here you are.

Summary: you and jonathan talk it out and things are better (spoiler alert: they aren't), you somehow end up agreeing with steve harrington ?? then you have a minor breakdown in front of the kids and once again fail to prevent them from experiencing more trauma.

Rating: general, slight cursing.

Warnings: cursing, use of the word “slut”, fem!reader, use of y/n, and description of a dead body. this chapter is pure angst, steve is steve, jonathan is jonathan, and... well. we know how this episode ends.

Words: 6.2k

Before you swing in: hello ! i'm currently in the early stages of chapter 5, and it's a loooong chapter, so i figured i'd treat y'all to this one before taking my time with updating. this chapter was a bit difficult in terms of bug and jonathan, but i promise that they'll have more time later to really figure out why they keep clashing - for better or for worse lol. if their relationship feels stilted: that's why ! after all, season 1 is literally titled: we don't talk about it or have the time. the title has immense meaning for the overall tone of season 1 (and the song for the series shhh). anyways, enjoy <3

-

The next day you bike to school alone, not bothering to see if Jonathan’s car will pick you up as usual. 

The two of you have never fought before, at least not like this. From the moment you met him when you were twelve, there has never been a time where the two of you haven’t been on the same page. You’ve been in sync from the moment you met. 

Now it feels like everything is off between the two of you. It feels as if the tiny planet you live on is now off kilter, angled ever so slightly now, rotating out of sync. The change is almost imperceptible, but it’s there. You can feel it. 

Last night just proved that there’s something wrong with your relationship with Jonathan, but you can’t figure out what.

Jonathan has never yelled at you before, and you’ve never turned your back on him; then again, he’s also never kept anything from you. While he didn’t admit it last night, you know him. He was hiding something from you last night and it frightens you that he seems too ashamed to tell you what it is. 

You trust him, you do, but the guilt you saw in his eyes makes you uneasy. 

As you walk the school hallway towards your locker, you overhear some girls from your English class talking about Steve and Nancy. You normally wouldn’t eavesdrop on such a conversation, but the girls were talking obnoxiously loud and by the tone of their voice, they weren’t being kind about what they were saying. 

“I heard Harrington got little Miss Wheeler to sleep with him.” One of the girls giggles, looking around to make sure no one is listening.  

“What a slut!” Her friend sneers.

You clear your throat loudly, making sure they hear it, and send a glare their way. “Well, aren’t you guys just peachy?” 

The girls lower their eyes and shift uncomfortably, which pleases you. Good. They should feel bad. What does it matter if Nancy slept with Harrington? It’s always the girls who get labeled the slut, never the man who has slept with more girls than classes he’s passed. 

Typical. 

You roll your eyes at them and continue towards your locker, spotting the couple in question up ahead. Your locker is a few down from Nancy’s and usually you’ve been able to avoid their gross lovey-dovey sessions in the mornings since Jonathan is always running late, but since you didn’t ride with him, you’re forced to deal with two hormonal teens who you don’t necessarily like. 

“Hey, Henderson!” 

Steve stops you as you walk past, causing you to look up in confusion. “Yeah?” 

“How’s Byers doing? Ya know, with everything going on?”

You stare at him, trying to figure out what the punchline is supposed to be. Steve may not be a massive dick, but he’s still a dick, and you can’t imagine he’d ever ask about Jonathan given the fact that he can’t even remember Will’s name. 

“He’s… dealing.” You say, uncomfortable with the entire conversation. 

Steve nods, letting out a slight hum. “Well, tell your guy that any friend of Henderson’s is a friend of mine.” He sends a wink Nancy’s way, and it’s then that you figure out what he’s doing. He’s playing the nice guy card, trying to impress her with his “generosity”, and you’ve had enough of idiotic and emotionally constipated men these last 24 hours. 

“Funny, I don’t tell my friends to get fucked, yet here we are: get fucked, Harrington.” Steve’s eyes widen at your words, taken aback, and Nancy goes to say something but you cut her off. “You sure know how to pick ‘em, Nancy. Why don’t you ask him why everyone’s staring at you? I’m sure it’ll be a thrilling conversation.”

You shove past the two of them and make your way to class. 

– 

You don’t see Jonathan for your next three classes, which only makes your shitty day worse. Not only have you guys never fought before, but you’ve never done the silent treatment either. As far as you can tell, there’s no reason for him not to be in class today besides your fight the night before. 

When it’s your lunch hour you try to find him, because at this point you just want to put it all behind you and move on to focus on Will. You never got the chance to tell Jonathan about El last night, you hadn’t had the time to before things blew up. 

You wait at your usual corner of the lunchroom for Jonathan, but he never appears. You sigh in defeat and pick at your meal, which honestly looks more like prison food than anything else, trying to figure out what you should do next. 

While you’re thinking, Carol’s obnoxious moans carry through the lunchroom. “Oh, Steve! Steeeve!”

Tommy joins in now, banging the table to get a bigger reaction. You see Steve trying not to smile at their antics, but it’s obvious to everyone how uncomfortable Nancy is. You feel pity for her, she deserves better than Harrington and his immature friends. Then again, you suppose she chose this for herself the second she started dating him. 

King Steve has never hidden who he is. 

You watch as Steve says something to appease her, but something catches Nancy’s eye and she turns to face it. Curious, you turn as well and spot Jonathan staring right back at her. They share a look, one that you can’t decipher, and you feel something twist within your stomach. 

It’s not jealousy, at least, not in that way. Jonathan is your only real friend in Hawkins (the kids don’t count, you recognize how embarrassing that is), and you’ve never had to share him before. Clearly Nancy has taken an interest in him of some sort and Jonathan, being ever the private person, has allowed her to, so you just have to swallow down your pride and accept it. 

Besides, you did always tell Jonathan that the two of you needed more friends. 

Taking a deep breath to will your nerves away, you ditch your lunch and follow after Jonathan. Screw whatever silent treatment is in place, he’s your best friend and you honestly don’t think it’s possible for you to ever be angry at him. It just isn’t in your nature. 

For better or for worse, you could never hate Jonathan Byers. 

You catch Jonathan as he’s leaving the photo developing room. He’s holding some pictures in his hands but quickly hides them away when he sees you. 

“Y/N, hi.” 

You ignore the voice in the back of your head telling you that something’s wrong, that he’s still acting weird with you, but you ignore it because you just want some normalcy in your life. You need your best friend. “Hey,”

“Look, I’m so sorry for what I said last night…” 

You brush him off, “It’s okay, I promise.”

Jonathan huffs at you, exasperated as always whenever you let people get away with things that they shouldn’t. “No, it’s not okay. You’ve been nothing short of amazing and I was the dick who yelled at you for it.” 

The two of you are walking out of the school as you talk, and you let out a weak laugh. “I guess you were pretty awful, huh?”

He doesn’t laugh along with you, instead shaking his head in shame. “You didn’t deserve that, not after all you’ve done for me and my mom. I was lying through my teeth last night, you are family, Y/N.” 

“I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s genuinely okay-” 

“Bug, I was a dick. End of discussion. I just… sometimes it feels like I don’t deserve your help, you do so much for us. I let it get to me last night, and I’ll never stop apologizing for it.”

You don’t know what to say, caught off guard by the vulnerability. “Just… don’t do that again, alright? If something is bothering you I’d rather you tell me about it than take your frustration out on me.”

“Deal.”

“Anything else on your mind?” 

Jonathan thinks for a moment and you can tell he’s trying to word whatever is on his mind correctly. “While I know you’ve always loved to help, there’s some things that I have to do on my own, okay? Will, my mom… they’re my responsibility, not yours. I mean, not in a bad way-” 

“Hey, I understand. I need to back off a bit, I recognize that now. I’m sorry, bee.” You kick at a rock in the parking lot, “so we’ve got ourselves a deal?” 

The boy gives you a quizzical look and you laugh at him, extending your hand. When he grabs it, you turn the hold into a handshake. “I’ll calm down my fretting antics and you’ll come to me about whatever is on your mind, no matter what; we don’t hide anything from each other.”

The slight smile Jonathan briefly had on his face vanishes. He pales slightly and quickly releases your hand. “Right.” 

You eye him. “Bee, what aren’t you telling me?”

Caught up in conversation, you and Jonathan don’t see Steve and his gang resting against his car until it’s too late. 

“Hey, man.” Steve approaches, effectively ending your conversation with Jonathan. He glances at you. “Henderson, good to see you again.” 

“I highly doubt it.” 

“What’s going on?” Jonathan asks, putting himself between you and Steve. 

“Nicole here was telling us about your work.”  

Confused, you look at Jonathan. “What, did you start another photo series or something?” 

Steve laughs coldly. “You could say that.” 

Jonathan ignores him and pulls you close behind him, ducking his head down to whisper into your ear, “it’s not what it looks like, trust me.” 

“Bee, what-”

“Henderson, want to take a look with us as, you know, connoisseurs of art?” 

You look at Steve now, more confused than ever, but you feel a slight sense of dread. You know that whatever photo he’s about to pull out will be bad. You know it’ll be connected to Jonathan’s behavior last night, to the guilt he’s been carrying, to the way he hid the same pictures from you not even ten minutes ago. 

You look back to Jonathan now, silently pleading with him for more of an explanation, but he averts his eyes. Exhaling deeply, you face Steve. “Show me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jonathan says, trying to walk away, but Tommy grabs at his backpack. 

“Hey!” You run up to Tommy and start pulling at the bag, but the guy is twice your size and easily wins, accidentally flinging you to the ground. 

Jonathan runs over to check on you. “Y/N!”

At the same time, Steve berates his friend. “Woah, Tommy, easy man! Henderson isn’t who we’re here for, leave her out of this.” 

Both boys crouch next to you and offer you a hand, but you bat them away. You’re irritated and confused and pissed the fuck off at both of them right now for vastly different reasons. You pick yourself up and brush away some dirt that got on your jeans. “Show me the photos, Jonathan.” 

He looks at you, hurt. “Do you not trust me?” 

“Do you trust me?” Your words hang in the air.

Steve is now right behind you. “Oh man he’s like, totally trembling. He must really have something to hide.” 

Jonathan tries to step closer to you, but Steve is now the one who blocks him. You watch silently as he unzips Jonathan’s bag and pulls out the photos, ignoring the pleading look that your friend sends your way. You trust Jonathan more than anyone else in this world, but something doesn’t feel right. 

The photos are tame at first, though admittedly creepy. They’re all still shots of Steve and his friends from the night before, you recognize the famous pool that the whole school talks about when it comes to Harrington’s parties. 

“Your boyfriend is a creep, Y/N.” Steve says, nudging you with his shoulder as he continues to flick through the pictures. 

“He isn’t my-” 

“I was looking for my brother.”

Jonathan’s words make you freeze. “You went looking for Will without me?” 

Steve says something else, but you don’t catch it. You stare at Jonathan, hurt that he’d search for Will without even telling you first. He’s his brother, you understand that, but what would you do if Jonathan went missing too?

Nancy then appears, causing Jonathan to finally look up to catch your eye, but he quickly looks away. “Here’s the starring lady!”

She laughs nervously. “What?”

Carol explains what was going on, and you’re too upset to speak. There’s too many thoughts going through your mind, but when Carol flashes you a picture of Nancy, naked, it takes everything in you not to throw up. 

Jonathan, your Jonathan, would never do this. 

He tries to approach you again but you find yourself stumbling back, knocking against Steve’s chest. Hurt flashes in his eyes, you’ve never flinched at Jonathan’s touch, but what he did has changed everything. 

Steve places a hand on your shoulder. “See, you can tell that he knows it was wrong, but that’s the thing about perverts. It’s hard-wired into them. They just can’t help themselves.” 

He begins tearing up the pictures, and you can’t believe Jonathan of all people is making you agree with Harrington, yet here you are. 

Nancy is his girlfriend, and even outside of that, Jonathan had no right taking pictures of her naked without her consent. You agree with Steve’s actions, but then the camera comes into play. He reaches for Jonathan’s camera, causing him to dive forward to stop anything from happening to it, and it’s finally what breaks you from your shock. 

You react as well, shoving past Steve to try and get to the camera first, but it’s no use. He beats you to it, Carol now holding you back as she digs her claws into your skin. Jonathan is being held back by Tommy, and all the two of you can do is watch helplessly as Steve dangles the camera high in the air. 

What Jonathan did was wrong, there’s no denying that, but you know how long it took him to save up for the thing. How many awful shifts he picked up at the theater to pay for it, adamantly refusing any money both you and Joyce offered him to help pay for it. 

This camera was his and his alone. Paid for with his own money, bought for his own enjoyment, his pride and joy. 

“Here you go, man.” Without even hesitating, Steve lets the camera fall to the ground. 

You gasp, watching as the lens shatters and you crouch down to try and piece it back together. Your hands are shaking, you don’t know what to feel right now, but with how badly your hands shake, it’s no use trying to fix the camera; you need something to distract yourself with. 

Jonathan and Nancy join you on the ground, but you’re too overwhelmed to really notice them. The combination of emotions leaves you wondering if you’re about to cry, throw up, or both. It’s only when Nancy begins snatching up the torn pictures that you acknowledge her presence. 

You grab her hand and catch her eye, “I’m so, so sorry.”

She doesn’t respond, only giving you a slightly confused look, and you recognize how stupid it is that you feel the need to apologize for Jonathan’s actions. You aren’t his keeper, and until now you never even considered he’d do something like this, and yet the guilt creeps in. You open your mouth to say something else, but Steve calls her over to join them and she leaves. 

Jonathan is still next to you, remaining silent even after Nancy’s departure. You can feel his eyes on you as you continue to fumble with the broken camera pieces as a gust of wind blows away the remaining photo shreds. 

“Shit!” A shard of glass from the lens cuts your finger, drawing blood. 

“Bug, let me-” Jonathan grabs at your hand to inspect the cut, but you pull away harshly. 

“Don’t touch me!” 

“Y/N…” The hurt look on his face is almost enough to make you crack, but the blood drips from your finger and falls onto a picture that somehow didn’t blow away. You look at it, seeing the outline of Nancy’s back in the photo, her beautiful side profile perfectly captured. 

The urge to throw up returns. 

“You’re hurt, let me look at it.” Jonathan pleads, his voice soft, with more empathy than he’s ever shown you these last few days. It’s as if last night never happened. As if you’re some idiot who is always ready and willing to come crawling back to those who discard you whenever they please. 

In a way, you suppose that you are. 

You hate it. 

Jonathan tries to grab your hand again but you stand up before he can. “I said don’t touch me.” 

He tries to grab you once more but again you pull away. Your brain is a mess right now trying to comprehend everything that happened within the last fifteen minutes. You look down at the broken camera pieces still laying on the ground, its glass reflecting in the late afternoon light. 

Those photos of Nancy… 

God, you’re an idiot. 

“Nancy is the reason you were such an asshole to me last night, isn’t she?”

“Y/N, those photos-”

“You knew that the second I looked at you I’d know you’d done something terrible.”

Jonathan is silent beside you, but you don’t need to hear whatever excuse he’ll give you to know that you’re right. Instead of telling you what he did last night, he kicked you out of his home in a guilt-crazed daze, saying horrible things to you that he can never take back. 

Instead of being honest with you, he had been a goddamn coward who hurt you in the cruelest way possible. 

Jonathan runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Look, you know I’ve never been able to lie to you-”

“So naturally you resorted to screaming at me and saying we aren’t family-”

“I regret what I said, but how was I supposed to tell you about the photos if I don’t even know why I took them in the first place?” 

You start pacing around the parking lot, too overwhelmed to stay put. Jonathan’s words only confuse and upset you more. In the midst of your frantic pacing the cut on your finger begins to bleed more, which causes you to wince and catch Jonathan’s attention.

“Bug, you’re in pain,” his voice is gentle now, the worried crease between his brows now prominent in a way that you’ve always found cute. “I’m not just going to stand around while you’re hurt. Let me help.” 

Unfortunately for Jonathan, his words only piss you off more. 

“You’re not just going to stand around while I’m hurt? That’s fucking rich coming from you, Jonathan.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“This entire week I’ve been hurting! I mean,” you let out a laugh laced with tears threatening to spill out. “I lost Will too, did you ever consider that? And I understand he’s your brother and I would lose my mind if anything ever happened to Dustin, but I’ve done nothing but love and support you through this shit show and you haven’t even asked how I’m holding up. I mean, what kind of best friend does that?”

Shame washes over Jonathan. “I didn’t think-” 

“I’ve been exhausting myself trying to help and not once have I considered it a burden because I’m doing this for Will, for you. I’m doing what any decent person is supposed to do, and I’m not asking for praise or-or for a reward but holy fuck, Jonathan! I mean, I understand now that maybe I was bit too much but,”

You’re yelling at him now, all the frustration you’ve been swallowing down these last few days now spills out. “At least treat me like a human being! I mean, the stunt you pulled last night was such bullshit and I was ready to excuse your actions because you’re my best friend and you’re hurting, but then you hide those damn photos from me? Scream at me like I’m some pathetic fucking child because you’re too ashamed of your own actions? We don’t lie to each other.”

Jonathan steps towards you and it isn’t until he’s cradling your head in his hands to wipe away your tears do you realize you’re crying. He’s so tender, gently wiping the tears as they fall, and you feel weak against him, closing your eyes as you soak up the affection. 

“Bug…” His voice cracks, not knowing what else to say. 

You open your eyes now. “You went looking for Will without me… did you even think about what your mom would do if you disappeared too? What I would do if you disappeared?”

“I…”

“And Nancy…” you pull away so that he’s no longer touching you. “That was a line I never thought you would cross. And to lie to me about it, I just… why?”

Jonathan shakes his head, a few tears of his own now beginning to fall. “I don’t know.” 

There’s nothing else you can say; you’ve drained all your energy. A headache is beginning to form and with the parking lot clearing out, indicating the end of the school day, you know you need to leave for work soon. 

Normally when you look at Jonathan, you feel a sense of security, but now all you feel is dread. His shoulders are hunched, the bags under his eyes darker than ever, and at this moment you’re not sure you know who he is anymore. It terrifies the shit out of you. 

“I should go,” you wipe your nose with your sleeve, side stepping Jonathan as you start walking towards the bike stand. 

“You’re leaving?” There’s fear in his voice, and you can hear the undertones of are you leaving me, too?

“I have to work tonight, so I need to-” 

“Let me drive you then, it’s cold and-and we can talk more about this-”

He follows you to your bike and you feel such pity for him. You know he’s right about needing to talk more, but all you want right now is to crawl into bed and pretend that this whole week has been a dream. A horrible, awful dream. 

You offer Jonathan your hand, the cut on your finger no longer bleeding, and intertwine your fingers with his. “I want to be alone right now, okay? Please, just give me some time.” 

He wants to argue with you, you can see it in his eyes, but just like you know him better than anyone else, he knows you just as well. He knows there’s no use trying to change your mind when you get like this; when the feelings become too much and solitude is your only solution. It's happened before in the past, but never with him. 

All he can do is wait for you to come back when you're ready. 

“Okay, I can do that.” 

You squeeze his hand, like you always do, before you let go and bike away. 

He watches as you leave. 

– 

Tonight’s shift is another slow one, which you’re grateful for. 

It was just last week that Jonathan had been driving you, Will, and Dustin to school. You’d been singing some song on the radio and the November air had a slight nostalgia of August warmth. Will and Dustin complained about your singing as you wailed on, Jonathan eventually joining in so that the two younger boys could only cover their ears with their hands and groan in annoyance. 

Now Will is gone, taking the August warmth with him and leaving behind only November cold that leaves your bones feeling raw. 

The laughter is gone, and now you’re afraid that your best friend is gone as well. 

You come home to an empty house, a note on the kitchen counter informing you that your mother is at her knitting club and that Dustin is off with his friends. 

Wonderful. Your brother has once again gone off on some adventure without informing you first. What a lovely addition to your already horrible day. 

You call the Wheeler’s first, hoping that maybe you don’t have to bike around the entire town to find the little shit, but like always: you’re mistaken. 

“I’m sorry, but the boys went out biking right after school.” 

“Oh, lovely then. Thanks, Mrs. Wheeler, have a good night.” 

“You too, dear!”

As soon as you hang up, you allow yourself a moment to just scream. The headache that formed during your fight with Jonathan hasn’t left, you’re tired, you have so much homework that you’re too afraid to even look at, and you still have no idea who El is or what she really knows about Will. 

And now you have to bike all around Hawkins to find said girl, because there’s no way the morons have listened to your orders to stay put with her. 

You check Lucas’ house first, but Erica tells you that they aren’t there and requests that you inform Lucas that her lying fee has been raised to $5. 

“That’s a bit steep, don’t you think?”

“Do you wanna pay?”

“Good point, have a good night then Erica.”

You then search around the middle school, but there’s no sign of them anywhere. After another thirty minutes of nothing, you finally give in to your hunch and bike to the Byers. You’re not sure if Jonathan will be home, but your idiot brother may need you, so you just have to suck it up and check. 

Ultimately you’re glad you do, because as you ride up the driveway you see the boys circling around El. 

“Why did you bring us here?” 

“I have a better question Mike, why did you bring us here?” None of the kids had noticed your arrival, so they all jump at your voice. 

Dustin’s face goes pale. “Y/N! What-what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been looking for you little assholes for an hour now,” you park your bike and step closer to the kids. “Why do you never listen to me when I tell you guys to keep me updated, huh? Do I have a giant sign on my head that says ‘hey, ignore me and treat me like utter shit!’, is that it?” 

No one responds, too stunned by your words. You never cuss at them, and apart from last night, they don’t think they’ve ever seen you so angry before. 

“I’m just so sick and tired of people treating me like I’m some throwaway toy, just casting me aside and forgetting about me until it’s convenient. I have feelings too, isn’t that a wild concept? I mean, who knew Y/N Henderson had any real emotions behind her pathetic need to help everyone around her!” 

Dustin can hear the hurt in your voice and knows that this isn’t just about them sneaking off. You’re upset about something else, someone hurt you and he needs to know who, so he softly asks, “Y/N, what happened?” 

You spin around to face him. “Nothing! That’s what happened! None of you told me anything, everyone has just decided to keep me out of the loop because god forbid I deserve any honesty after years of being there for you guys-”

“Okay, this is definitely about Jonathan then.” Lucas mumbles, which Mike nods in agreement to. 

“This is not about Jonathan-” The sound of sirens cuts you off. 

Everyone freezes, and your heart stops. This is Hawkins, where nothing ever happens; cops don’t just go flying down the street late at night. 

You know, even before you can fully comprehend how, that it’s Will. You can feel it; the sirens are for him, the precious boy you’ve come to love like your own brother. 

Then, to confirm your fears, an ambulance follows behind the line of cop cars, and you feel your entire world shatter.  

“Will…” Mike exhales, and the second the name leaves his lips everyone scrambles for their bikes to follow the cars. 

You know you shouldn’t, you know this won’t end well, but it’s Will. Maybe he’s alive, maybe he simply got lost in the woods and has been wandering around the last three days or so. There’s so many other possibilities, an endless array of explanations, and yet…

Your legs feel heavy as you pedal after the kids. You know that, no matter what you guys end up finding, that nothing will ever be the same again. As you follow, the route you take begins to look familiar, back when you and Jonathan would spend your summers exploring the forest and its surroundings. 

The quarry. 

Suddenly you can’t breathe. “I… I can’t-” 

“Y/N, we have to see if it’s Will!” Dustin calls behind him, too eager to realize exactly where you guys are going. 

If you could just warn them, maybe speed up to block their paths, you could convince them to turn around, but it’s too late. The five of you arrive at the quarry’s edge and toss your bikes behind the fire truck. You see the firemen in the water, sloshing around for something, and you realize what they’re doing a second too late.

Immediately you begin to pull the kids away, not wanting them to see what you desperately hope you’re wrong about, but you’re too late. “Guys, get away from the truck, we shouldn’t be here-”

You’re always too fucking late. 

“Please, we need to leave,” your voice shakes as you try to shield the kids from the sight of Will’s body being pulled from the water.

Mike pulls away from you. “No, it’s not Will. It can’t be.” 

“Mike…” 

The firemen lift the raft up higher and the light lands on Will’s lifeless body, and you feel a piece of you die. He’s always been the smallest of the boys, but as the men lift his dead body out of the water, he’s never looked so small. Will is gone; he’s taken all the light with him. 

Dustin reaches for your hand and is the first to start crying. You pull him into your chest as he sobs. Lucas looks over at you, a silent acceptance in his eyes. “It’s Will. It’s really Will.” 

You grab the boy and pull him into you as well, the two of them now crying as you hold them. All you can do right is hold your boys, staring off into space as you feel them shake with grief against you. This isn’t real. 

From the corner of your eye you see El approaching Mike, and you’re too numb to warn her against it. “Mike…” 

“‘Mike’? ‘Mike,’ what?” He slaps her hand away, which causes you to become alert. He’s hurting, you know Mike loved Will more than anyone else, but he’ll only hurt himself more if he pushes everyone away. 

“Mike, I know you’re upset-” 

He faces you, a betrayed look in his eyes. “Upset? She was supposed to help us find him alive. She said he was alive!” he turns to El now, “why did you lie to us? What’s wrong with you?”

As he yells at the girl you hear his own tears beginning to form, and as you hold his friends, you lean closer to Mike and use your other hand to console him, but he begins to run away. 

Dustin and Lucas watch helplessly as their friend leaves, you all call after him but are ignored. They beg him to stay, too scared to be separated once more now that Will is gone, but Mike doesn’t listen. He grabs his bike, leaving you and the boys alone with El. 

She looks at you, tears in her eyes and a pleading look on her face. She’s looking to you for reassurance, to console her and tell her that everything will be okay with Mike, that he’ll forgive her, but you can’t. 

You also feel betrayed by the girl. You don’t think she was lying, in a sense, but then how can she explain Will’s dead body 50 feet away? El promised you and the boys that Will was alive, but he’s not. 

Tears start to fall down her face. “Y/N?”

You’re sure that when you look back on this moment later, you will have wished that you had done something braver, something more kind to the terrified girl, but you don’t. Instead of wrapping her into your arms alongside Lucas and Dustin, you give El a curt shake of your head, dismissing her. 

It hurts to watch her leave, and you’re ashamed of yourself, but then Dustin lets out another sob while Lucas tightens his hold around you, and you know that you’ve made the right choice for now. You don’t know El or her intentions, but her actions have hurt the people you love the most, and right now you have to put them first. 

You let the boys cry, barely registering anything else. 

– 

Later, much later, after getting Lucas home and tucking Dustin into bed, you finally allow yourself to grieve. You lay in your bed, staring at the framed drawing on your desk that Will had made you for your birthday this year. It was a sweet gift, having drawn you as a princess in one of their DnD campaigns with your sword and shield. Jonathan stands next to you in the picture, holding his own sword and wearing a crown, while Will and the boys are next to him, dressed in their own armor. 

In the picture the six of you are facing a dragon, but there’s a smile on all of your faces as you fight the creature together. You, Jonathan, and your boys; together, there’s nothing that you guys cannot defeat.

It’s your favorite drawing of Will’s. 

And now it’s your last drawing from him. 

The tears come slowly at first, then all at once. You find yourself hunched over, letting out anguished sobs as you mourn for the boy, for Jonathan and Joyce, for your brother and his friends. You mourn for the Byers losing a child, a brother. You mourn for your brother’s now tainted childhood. He’s too young, they all are too young to be experiencing such a loss. 

Will was too young. 

You cry until there’s nothing left within you, and yet the sobs still wrack against your body long after the tears have dried up. It’s a pain like no else. 

Then, as you’re finally beginning to calm down, you hear a knock at your window. 

You get up and fling your curtain open to find Jonathan on the other side. 

Neither of you say anything as you open the window and let him in. Once he’s inside the two of you face each other, unmoving and silent for what feels like years. There’s still a tension there from earlier, though this afternoon feels like decades ago. Jonathan stares at you, a guarded and unsure look on his face, as though he’s afraid that if he breaks in front of you that you’ll push him away. 

Instead, you surprise him by throwing yourself against his chest and into his arms. 

You’re not sure who begins to cry first, but it doesn’t matter. His cries only make you cry harder, having never seen your best friend this heartbroken before, and it’s all so fucking unfair. He doesn’t deserve this, no one does, but especially not Jonathan. He loved his brother so much, with such an intensity that rivaled your own love for Dustin. 

Jonathan pulls away a bit so that he can look at you; tears stream down his face. “He’s gone, bug.” 

“Bee,” you don’t know what more to say. What can you even say? While it feels like your heart has been ripped from your chest along with your bones, you know it only feels worse for Jonathan. No words could ever soothe that ache. 

“He’s gone,”

You grab at his jacket and gently guide him so that you sit on your bed. “Jonathan, look at me.” It takes some coaxing, but eventually he listens. “I’m here, okay? I’m here.”

Your voice cracks at the end, your own grief getting in the way, but it’s all you can say right now. You’re not sure how else to phrase it, how else to tell him that even if everything and everyone else is gone, you’re still here. You’ll never, ever leave him, especially not when he needs you the most now. 

Despite the vague words, Jonathan nods, always able to understand you, and he rests his head against your shoulder as the two of you cry. Faintly you can hear Dustin’s cries through the wall, but you leave him alone. You know he needs to process this alone, just like you needed to, just like Jonathan had before coming here. 

Tomorrow you’ll comfort your brother, you’ll bake the cookies that Joyce loves, and tonight will pass. A day must always end. This day will end, and tomorrow will come. Then, you’ll face this together with everyone you love. 

For now, your best friend needs you, so you let him cry into your shoulder and you run your nails against his scalp and whisper soothing words. Fuck whatever is going on between the two of you. 

Will is dead. The best of you, the purest of you, is dead.

-

⌑ series masterlist

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[georgeweasleyslostearhq]

I might be in love with your blog.. it’s literally been making my days so much better!

But hear me out this request I’ve had for literally ever and I think you could do it perfectly! So a ginger ready constantly being called a Weasley even tho they aren’t and this obviously catches the twins attention so they kinda start spending time with the reader. And then maybe George falling in love and thinking about Reader becoming an actual Weasley :]]] (also maybe molly being all like „well look at you you’re already a Weasley only missing the name“)

I really hope you get what I’m going for!!

And if not I’ll literally read everything you post it’s just soo amazing!!

i love this idea! i hope i can make it how you imagined!

MAKE A WEASLEY

Pairings: George weasley x Fem!reader Summary: ^^^ Warnings: none Notes: I try my best with every request, I took days to write this to make sure it's good, when you request something I will make sure I try my best to make it good so you enjoy it so I hope you do! I'm sorry if you don't like it, and if you really don't like it, I will do another one.

you were walking to your class when you got shoved, making you fall to the ground

"what where you're going, Weasley!" you looked up seeing Draco Malfoy, standing with a foul expression as he looked down at you

"what?" you raised your eyebrows, helping yourself up

he rolled his eyes and walked away, not replying to you

you had gotten that a few times throughout the years, it confused you, you weren't a weasley

you didn't have the name, let alone look like them at all, the only thing that you all had in common is the firey red mop on the top of your heads, although yours was slightly more washed out than the others

-

George was walking with Fred when he heard a yell from the other side of the Corridor

"Weasley!"

he immediately turned along with Fred to see who called out to them

Fred and George saw a random boy in Ravenclaw yell out again, running to a girl with red hair who certainly wasn't ginny

"didn't he say weasley?" Fred asked George who frowned

"that's what I heard" George shrugged

"well then who the bloody hell is she? do we have a sister we don't know about?" Fred wondered, fully believing his own words

"are you kidding?" George squinted his eyes at Fred

"no, c'mon he's leaving, let's go talk to her" Fred ushered George over to her as she sat in the courtyard

Fred stood in front of the girl and cleared his throat, making her look up

"hello? do you need something?" you asked, looking slightly surprised

"why did he call you a weasley?" Fred spoke up, curious

"oh- some people just do it sometimes, it's because of my hair, I've asked them to stop a few times" you blinked nervously.

you were sitting in front of two of the most popular guys, who happened to have the name that a lot of people call you

"right, because it's red. I'm sure you don't like being associated with our family, right?" George spoke up, feeling slightly insecure

"I mean, I'd prefer being called my own name, but there's nothing wrong with your family so- it's not horrible, if it's that big of a problem with you, I'll try my best to make them stop, but then again they don't really listen to people who they 'know' are a weasley" you answered

George felt a wave of emotion when you fiddled with your fingers

He knows what it's like to be bullied for his name- even if that only happens rarely now- and only by Draco and his goons

"it doesn't really bother me, we were just wondering s'all" Fred spoke kindly

George stayed silent again, letting Fred do the talking like he always did until he got nudged by him, giving him a look

"yeah- just wondering"

you smiled up at the twins, putting the book that was in your lap in your bag and stood up

"hey- would you like to sit with us at lunch?" George blurted out, not wanting to leave yet

"sure"

- you ran down the halls, George's hand holding your own as you and the twins escaped professor filch, the aftermath of a devious prank they had invited you to join in on

"hurry up!" Fred yelled out, noticing you and George slightly behind, George ahead of you as he dragged you along

"it's not my fault your legs are so freakishly long" you laughed, almost tripping over as George quickened his pace, your legs failing to keep up

you started to fall and squealed lightly when George rushed to catch you before you hit the floor face first

"careful there, Love" he huffed before making sure you were alright

you heard the hiss and the yell from the old owner

"come on" he helped you steady yourself and turned a corner, going a different direction than Fred

you followed closely behind, not wanting to fall again, that would just be embarassing

"get back here Weasleys!" you heard Filch's distant yell that got further away the more you ran

George snickered as you got to the grand stairs, finding Fred running up the stairs

he waited for you and started laughing at how good the prank was, glancing down at you and George's interlocked hands

he looked at you and raised an eyebrow with a smirk

by instinct, you let go of George's hand, making him look over at you at the loss of your palm's warmth

he watched as you and Fred walked into the Gryffindor common room side by side, laughing

he rushed up behind you both and listened as you gushed all about it

"that was amazing! I've never done something like that, quite thrilling if I don't say so myself! is that why you do it?" you grinned, wanting to do it again

"exactly why" Fred smiled smugly, crossing his arms as he leaned against the back of the red couch

"well that was just brilliant! can we do it again?!" you asked excitedly, making George's heart burst in happiness

he's never seen anybody that happy about pranks than him and Fred, to see you smiling and wanting to do it again warmed his heart

it made him feel proud of what he does, it's funny how one person can affect his mood and feelings

"well we do it all the time" Fred motioned to him and George "but you can tag along next time if you want"

"well I don't want to impose or burden you, I just think it's fun" you frowned, thinking he didn't want you to go anymore

"no, it's great having another mind to create ideas, speaking of, do you have any?" George asked

"yes! I thought of a lot on our way back here!"

-

the younger twin was used to turning around when he heard the name Weasley being called in the halls, and he was only getting used to the person trying to talk to you.

other than that, everything was great, he enjoyed talking to you, hanging out with you and he knew there was something there

he never would of expected it, especially for you, a person many though was one of his family members- he cringes at the thought of that

he wonders if you think of it the same way, if you find it weird like he does.

"George?" he turned to fine you sitting next to him, a curious look on your face as you smiled gently

the twin hummed in response, cheeks turning slightly pink as your pinky touching his hand that rested beside his thigh

"sickle for your thoughts?" you nudged him

"it's nothing, it would be a waste of money" he mumbled

"is it a girl? it is, isn't it?" you beamed, shifting in your seat to fully face him

you noticed the small blush that he refused to let you see, turning his head to look away

"who!?" you grinned grabbing his arm to make him look at you

George was never going to admit he was thinking about you, he had for weeks, he would think about you and smile

"nobody, don't worry" he sighed

"aw come on, I won't tell! do I know her?" you pouted, shaking his shoulders lightly

"no one, I don't like anybody" he denied

you huffed and sat properly, crossing your arms, staying silent

"hey?" George spoke up quietly, feeling as though you were slightly mad at him

"yeah?" you yawned

"how do feel about my name?" he asked out of nowhere

"George? I don't know it's a good name" you shrugged, not quite sure what to say

"no, Weasley, my last name" George corrected

"well it belongs to a wonderful family so I like it!" you nodded happily

George had been wondering what it would be like if you actually had his last name, he could imagine it

"so you wouldn't be upset if you had it?" he fiddled with his fingers

"if I had your last name? I mean I guess it sounds alright, Y/n Weasley, not bad" you chuckled

"yeah" he laughed too, scratching his left arm "doesn't sound bad at all"

the name stayed with George for days, his mind would scream it every time he looked at you and it threatened to slip when he greeted you

and Fred knew George's feelings for you, he could read his twin like a book and it was painfully obvious

-

it wasn't until a year later when George finally asked you out, your final year

he was planning his and Fred's big getaway for leaving to work on the shop and he didn't know when he was going to see you next, he didn't want to leave you, he needed you

over the past year, from when he met you, he knew he wanted you to stay, he knew that no other girl was going to walk into his life and be like you, make him feel the way you made him feel, made him think the way you made him think

he knew there was something there, and he desperately wanted it to happen, Y/n Weasley was a name he wanted to create for you, a name that he wanted his children to know, a name that he wanted to say aloud and not think in his brain.

Y/n easley was merely a name in his imagination, and George made it his mission to live it

he wanted to make a Weasley out of you, if you wanted

you were meeting the whole family for christmas, going over to the Burrow and spending the holidays with them for break

"Mum already loves you so really you have nothing to worry about, dad is- well dad loves just about everyone, unless your like- evil or rude but, you're not so you're fine, Charlie's only here for Christmas day and you don't have to worry about the rest" George rumbled, holding your hand as he lead you to the burrow

you weren't that nervous, George had told you all about every family member and you had no doubt that you would get along

George opened the door and let you in before closing it behind you both

you both had been at your house getting some things, making the rest like Fred, Ginny and Ron were already there, turning up hours before you

"we're home!" George called out, wrapping his hand around your waist and leading you through the kitchen to find his family

"oh, Dear there you are!" a short, stumpy woman with a warm smile greeted you, wearing an apron

"yeah sor-" George started, getting cut off by her walking past him to you

"look at you, you already look like a weasley, only missing the name!" she declared, grabbing ahold of your cheeks and squeezing

"right Arthur?" she turned to a man who stood at the table looking at George with a smile

he came up to you and introduced himself, everyone else in the room that you haven't met doing the same, some hugging you and the others giving you a hand shake

Bill started a conversation with you, talking about your interests and what you wanted to do

George cut it short, teeling Bill that he wanted to show you where you were staying and wanted to get you settled in before dinner

Bill agreed and George smiled, getting your bags

"i got them, don't worry" you shook your head, trying to take them off him, he only started walking towards the stairs

"c'mon"

you followed him up the stairs to his room, putting his bags down at the foot of his bed

"after a long talk with mum I convinced her to let you stay in my room, that's if you want, there's an extra bed in Ginny's room if you want it but I just thought-" he babbled

"I don't mind, whatever you want" you shrugged

"I better not wake up to you two doing things" Fred interrupted, standing in the doorway

"shut up, Fred, we won't be doing anything" the younger twin huffed

he left with his hands up defensively

George cleared his throat and waited for you to look at him before talking

"do you like it?" he questioned nervously

"I love it" you answered, bringing him into a tight hug

your hugs felt like it healed everything that pained him ever, if felt as though it got rid of every rude thing said about him, everything that hurt him, made him feel bad.

your hugs were something he never wanted to end, it was the medicine to his sickness that he didn't even have

"you know, after Christmas, Mum will do everything in her power to make us stay together" he soothed

"I wouldn't fight her on that"

he laughed "well you already are a Weasley, All that's left is to give you the name"

--------------------------------------------

[hcneygemini]

𝖝. 𝖆. 𝖓. 𝖆. — lyrics sentence starters.

A collection of sentence starters from some singles released, minus anything featured in Tantrums ( the meme featuring those is here ). Do not add to or steal this meme. Feel free to change pronouns, edits phrasing, or generally slightly edit or combine lines as needed. Some lines have already been slightly rephrased for rp purposes. tw: cheating, toxic relationships, suggestive

MONSTER

i hold your mistakes high over your head, especially when they look like mine.

i'm not one to hand out forgiveness.

it pains me to admit you were right.

someday i will be someone you resent.

honey, the pleasure is all mine.

i heard you're calling me a traitor.

i owe you a good apology, i'll do it later.

i paint myself the good guy.

i heard you're calling me a monster.

after all the shit i pulled, you could do better.

i'll do what i want over what's right.

you gave me your all.

it was intimate.

i guess it ain't your fault that i can't commit.

i never listen.

i couldn't help but feel so indifferent.

all my failures are visceral.

i still taste blood from years ago.

you ain't good enough.

i can't even be honest with myself.

how could you believe i'd do that for someone else?

i don't want that life.

i'm kissing boys in the back of their cars.

it's half past 3.

you were fast asleep while i was on the phone with [ Jodie ].

will i ever know why i am like this?

i go for what i can't have, like i'm righteous.

i can't face the shame.

if you wanna place blame, just say my name.

i go home alone and i think it's strange.

i got what i want but it don't taste the same.

everyone who's ever loved me is the enemy.

i get high on all the jealousy.

you can't forgive the infidelity.

i don't wanna be someone who lives like that.

i was supposed to be a good friend, trusted.

i snuck around with the love of your life.

after all the shit i pulled, you should do better.

HOMEWRECKING ERA

wrap your thighs around me.

i could keep all your secrets.

cross my heart and hope i mean it.

think of all the damage i could do.

say less.

push me on the counter.

call me princess.

wish i could say no, but it's hopeless.

i'm losing focus.

i wonder if [ she ] knows about those pictures on your phone.

you should feel guilty, but you don't.

i'm in my homewrecking era.

got things i wanna do to you.

i feel bad for a minute.

you make me feel so good.

i taste something bitter in my mouth.

i left my bralette on the ground.

i can't help myself.

nobody fucks like me.

i'm the [ girl ] of your dirty dreams

the silence is deafening.

do you miss me?

i think [ she ] can taste me.

i can give you what you want.

we called it love.

we might've fucked it up.

baby, just fuck me up.

i'm the flame that keeps you warm at night.

don't i bring out the green in her eyes?

you like how pretty [ she ] is when [ she ] cries.

[ she ] loves you so much, even the lies.

we're both the one, but never the only.

you get so lonely

crown me the villain and hero tonight.

fucking me brought you together so nice.

i got a taste for the drama.

i spilled your guts 'cause i wanted.

look at all this damage that i do.

BETTER KIND OF BEST FRIEND

i can see [ her ] in my dreams.

i see [ her ] in my bed.

[ she's ] the goddamn vision that ringin' in my head.

i'm waitin', patient.

we could be good together.

let me release the pressure.

i think i found my treasure.

[ she ] tastes like heaven and she knows it.

i'm eager.

i just wanna please you.

she's got me prayin'.

i could be a better kind of best friend.

i'm a fan.

i don't die for my [ women ] anymore.

i'll do anything to have you.

i swear to be true.

i don't die for my [ women ] anymore, i kill for them.

you don't need to ask, you got my permission.

lord knows we tried.

can't stay away from each other.

you know i'm a sucker.

watch as i swallow my pride.

i wanna make it intimate.

i've got my finger on the trigger.

they come and go.

YOU DON'T WANT ME LIKE THAT ( also by Rachel Bochner )

if you hated me it'd be easier.

i know what's coming is really gonna hurt.

if i hated you, i would've never tried.

it's a habit you conditioned.

i wonder if you know you're bad.

i wanna tell you that i miss you.

you wouldn't say it back.

you don't want me like that.

you don't want a picture of me sitting on your nightstand.

you don't wanna touch me in the way we both know you can.

you just like the way i feel stuck in the palm of your hand.

where do you get off on it?

i do the extra credit but you're never satisfied.

i keep you center stage.

you keep me on the side.

i'm crossing all the lines.

you won't call it what it is.

you just call me when you're blue.

the fantasy is cute.

i would give you all i have.

i stay up waiting for you.

i can't keep waiting.

BABYBLUE

baby blue was always your color.

it's a little strange how we're seeing each other.

god, you look just as i remembered.

it's been a few years.

i've known you forever.

you packed your bags and moved to [ Boston. ]

you needed a place that you could get lost in.

time will tell.

you got my youth on your bedpost.

say it ain't so.

our picture's getting dusty.

you smell vanilla and don't think about me.

i hope it's alright, your life without me.

you ran to my house in the pouring rain.

i've cried every damn day since you left.

i don't mind if i never get over it.

i've been watching reruns.

i should call my little sister, i worry about her all the time.

you hold other hands.

i'm biting my tongue.

you're making new plans.

i'm coming undone.

i watch your old films.

looking at it now, i think i love you still.

i try to be cool.

if i never say a word, does it make it less true?

i feel the time go.

i fear the unknown.

it's getting so old.

all of my anxieties are filling up my diaries.

the water ran cold.

there's so much i don't know.

i think i gotta go.

you see green and don't think about me.

BAD BANDIT

i've been lonely for awhile now.

i'm tired of this ghost town.

[ she ] looks pretty on [ her ] poster.

i'm thinking i could hold [ her ].

i want you on my body.

won't you face it?

you wanna make or break it.

you wanna feel me naked.

i'll show you how to take it.

count your blessings when the devil ain't got nowhere to go.

maybe i'm bratty.

i taught that [ man ] a lesson.

[ he ] was charming and i loved [ him ].

[ his ] urges were disgusting.

i bed [ him ] down to nothing.

that little [ lady ] wanted love.

it's such a damn shame.

you better run, babe.

[ she's ] taking aim.

[ she ] promised me [ her ] best.

i could see forever in [ her ] golden eyes.

my baby told me lies.

i swear i'm gonna die.

but i ain't the one biting the dust tonight.

i swear i'm gonna miss [ her ] for the rest of my days.

i still hear [ her ] voice.

BET YOU'LL GET OFF ON THIS

maybe in another year you might be different.

i'd rather not admit how many years i've been insisting.

you showed me your true colors.

you used to be the prettiest thing i'd ever seen.

what you said to me last sunday was disgusting.

i don't need to look at you to know you feel nothing.

you feel nothing.

maybe you like it better when i'm cool.

i don't give a shit.

did you really have to be so cruel?

all i ever did was try to love you.

i don't know who you are.

i saw the façade slip, and it was alarming.

i'm left with confusion.

how did you not ever learn to be human?

what did i expect?

you never grew up.

you think you're so deep, but you're so out of touch.

[ Natalie ] was right when [ she ] said that you were heartless.

i don't ever want you to touch me again.

i really can't stand the way you talk about your [ girlfriend ].

bet it hurts to know i'm no longer your forever.

i won't hold my breath, but i hope you get better.

i don't wanna belittle my love.

all we ever did was try to love you.

[chronicbeans]

Hazbin Rewrite - Lucifer

I find that the show, itself, doesn't necessarily handle the conflict between him and Charlie as well as it should've. I don't mean it being rushed, either, as the problem seems to run deeper than that. He's not really a bad father, just bad at communication, yet they call it daddy issues? I also feel it could've handled Lucifer as a character better in a lot of ways to make him more recognizable as Lucifer and not just "another tragic character", while still keeping that idea of tragedy in there. However, he's meant to be sympathetic but still despicable enough for you not to care.

TW: Lucifer is both Slightly Sympathetic and Objectively a Bad Person, Neglectful Parenting, Lucifer Despises Charlie

To understand some aspects of this character, I'd like to explain a concept I have with angels in my storyline. Angels follow God's words, so many believe they know what is right and wrong, despite them not knowing it. They don't have the innate knowledge of good and evil that Adam, Eve, and Lilith have from the forbidden fruit. They can gain such knowledge by seeing evil and being able to know it as evil on their own, without God's input, this unlocking the ability of innate knowledge. However, that is a very rare occurrence for angels, because they fear that God might see them as tainted if they do learn such things.

So, the angels choose to follow God because they love Him, but when it comes to what is good and evil, they follow His words on what to do to avoid it instead of having an innate knowledge of it like humans now do. God is afraid of His angels becoming like humans because He doesn't want them to knowingly wrong one another. However, if they were to ever learn such knowledge, He would still love them all the same. He just wants to avoid the negative possibilities that could arise from it. The same went for the original humans, as He wanted them to be simple, eternally happy creatures. He loves joy, seeing joy, and creating joy.

In comes Lucifer. He loves God, only to grow a distaste for Him over time. This is because he began to see himself as higher than God and began feeling jealous of humans due to him perceiving God as loving them more than angels. He despised humanity for merely existing and getting attention away from him and his fellow angels, which is what caused him to rebel and try to overthrow God. It was a way of proving himself to God, as well as trying to take control. Once he was cast out of Heaven, he felt powerless, and tempted Eve into eating the forbidden fruit in order to have one last powerful act of rebellion against his creator. He saw it as ruining God's favorite creation by giving them free will. This is what started the fear of gaining knowledge of good and evil in the angels, because Lucifer brought the idea of that knowledge being a sort of poison to God's creations to the table in the first place.

Despite rebelling against God, Lucifer doesn't have the knowledge of it being wrong. Lucifer acts in ways we perceive as evil, but he doesn't perceive them as evil. He simply views them as actions, and due to no longer listening to God's advice, he now no longer has any guidelines to follow. The tragedy of his situation is no longer necessarily him being cast out of Heaven for rebellion. It is moreso him being cast out for rebelling while believing it to have not been a bad action, and his inability to see why it is bad resulting in him wanting to repeat it if he ever returned to Heaven. He's stuck in a loop because of a literal inability to learn what was wrong with his actions, and his own stubbornness as to proving it wasn't wrong in the first place to God. That doesn't mean he wants to learn why it was wrong, though. He truly doesn't, because his pride makes him see his actions as being right.

He was with Lilith for a short period of time, until Lilith left due to his controlling, narcissistic behavior. Then, he turned to Earth for another partner, finding a young woman who was following The Satanic Temple. Under the assumption that it meant she was worshipping him, he went to Earth under a human disguise and pursued her. That's when he created Charlie.

He made Charlie using white sand from a nearby beach, making her resemble the woman due to the idea that no parent could love a child that doesn't look like themself. This is, of course, objectively wrong and only because he couldn't love a child that doesn't look like himself. He then pretended to be a single father, letting the woman care for Charlie from time to time, resulting in Charlie and the woman getting close.

Upon realizing that The Satanic Temple does not worship him and, in actuality, doesn't believe him, he became offended. Taking it as an insult, he took Charlie back and returned to Hell, never to interact with the woman again and never letting Charlie even know about her. However, there was the problem of Charlie...

Charlie didn't look like him. Charlie didn't act like him. Charlie could see right from wrong. Charlie was nothing like him. She looked like the woman, and as she grew up, she acted more like God than himself. He genuinely, wholeheartedly, hated Charlie because of this.

Due to, once again, being unable to see right from wrong, he saw no problem in completely neglecting Charlie once she was old enough to care for herself. That age being 9 years old, in his opinion. He mostly only talked to her when he tried to teach her how to do things his way, which she never agreed with. This caused a reasonable strain in their relationship, which he couldn't understand, and made him hate her more.

It became worse when she began asking about the woman she barely remembers, being who he considers her "biological mother". Why would he tell her about some woman she'd never meet, much less one who humiliated him to such an extent? So, he lied, saying it was Lilith, despite Lilith looking nothing like Charlie's description and not being aware of Charlie's existence.

Once she moved out, creating her Hazbin Hotel, it was good riddance to her. She may still seek Lucifer's approval, but he won't ever give it to her out of spite.

[guillotinesandroses]

Cotton Candy Clouds; Chapter 3 - Windy

MHA x Oboro Shirakumo's Sibling! Reader

Cotton Candy Clouds Masterlist

It certainly is an experience getting taught by celebrities, though you are not sure how effective their sometimes peculiar teaching methods are. However, this thought quickly slips from your mind in English class, during which more important things take priority. Mainly the fact that your favorite hero is at the front of the class flailing a pointer around and shouting at the whole class about English grammar. 

You hold in a squeal and conceal a giddy smile with your hand, leaning against it. Okay, this is really happening! The assigned tasks get done hastily as you are zoned out, busy thinking about how to go through with the interaction. Beginning to end, you remain fully distracted by the thought, but thankfully do not get called out on it. 

Throughout the lesson you barely concentrate, but put in the minimal effort of laying out the textbook and scribbling down English translations to the given out sentences. Alongside those sentences however, you write down and scrub away different ways to start up a conversation to requesting an autograph. Everything seems too awkward and ultimately you decide to just wing it and swallow the nerves, going according to a script would just make you sound even more stupid anyway. 

The class comes to an end after what feels like an eternity. You are quick to pack up your stuff and tear out a piece of paper from your notebook. Picking up an old-fashioned CD and a black marker comes next. 

"What are those for?" Ochaco asks. You jump, having been absorbed in your thoughts.

"Oh!" She smiles smugly. "I know what you're doing! You're getting an autograph!" 

"Yeah, yeah." You wave off the comment nonchalantly, though with a small frown, mildly flustered at being caught. "It's just a good opportunity, you know?" 

"Wow... I can't believe it's been so many years and you're still this big of a fan of him! That's so cute!" 

"Shush. If we ever meet Thirteen, I know you'll start screaming!" 

"Eh... What even are the chances that we'll meet Thirteen? There are lots of pros who work with U.A!" 

"It's more likely than not!" You say with a smile, the room now almost empty of students. 

"Well, I'll be heading to get lunch now. Better to not be late!" 

"Sure..."

"Catch ya there, then!" 

"Of course! Bye!" 

You adjust the straps of your bag and take steps forward to the front of the room. 

"Hello, listener!" Mic greets enthusiastically, the moment he notices you approaching, pulling his head out of the drawer he'd been rummaging through before. "Got anything you wanted to ask little old me?" 

"I wanted to ask if you would mind giving me an autograph." You lift up the paper and pencil. "I also have a CD I'd like you to sign." 

"Of course I'll give you an autograph!" His eyes light up and he eagerly grabs the items, scribbling away. "Devoted lovely fans like you are the highlight of this job!" 

"But, I am a bit confused about the CD, though." He hands the paper back. "Why'd you want me to sign that?" 

"It's the song you made somewhere around your debut," you say, "like, when you tried to be a musician alongside being a hero." 

"Oh.... That one..." He grimaces while scanning the cover.

"Yeah... I was kinda hoping the world would forget my sad attempt at a music career... I sure wish I could..." Despite this, he writes down his name on the plastic. 

"Eh?" You blink. "I thought it was good. It had a lot of energy!" 

"Making it was not the best idea," he says with a tight smile full of many regrets and hands the CD back. "but at least someone likes it, so that means it was worth it!" He proclaims with a big thumbs up and pats you on the shoulder. 

"Say, what was your name again? I of course need to know who my number one fan is!" 

"Shirakumo (Name)! It's been awesome meeting you!" You grin brightly. 

His expression on the other hand, ever so slightly, nearly unnoticeably, drops. "Oh? That's why you look so..." 

"Eh?" You quirk a brow at that and look back up from the newly signed CD. "Did you say something-" 

"Ah, nevermind. Just thinking about some stuff." He waves off the question nonchalantly. 

"Anyway, isn't lunch almost over already? Better hurry up or you'll be starving for the rest of the day, listener!" He then ushers you to the door and closed it. 

That all happens so quick you do not even get to really process it, but in the end you just shrug and decide to roll with it. You are quite hungry anyway, and the food is rumored to be made by a professional chef. There is no harm in trying some of it at least, and you can flex with your newly signed cool belongings during the meal. Just better hope no hall monitor comes around to scold you while you speed through the hallways on your cloud. 

Nothing noteworthy happens, but Iida is on your case again for being a rulebreaker. You cannot be bothered to care and just stuff your face with rice. He goes on until Midoriya cuts him off to praise you on the rare CD you have, which you proudly display. Ochaco sighs exasperatedly yet fondly at the oncoming fanboying, but allows you both to continue. 

And finally, after a long day of several other subjects, comes the one most students were waiting the most for, though for varying reasons. Some want to show off their powers, others are simply out for blood and hoping for a fight, while the rest simply want to see- 

"I AM HERE!" The giant door of the classroom swings wide open with boisterous yell and blast of air. "COMING THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE A HERO!"

-All Might. 

A blink, and you go back to calmly tapping on your desk as the others are left in total awe. You do not have any strong opinions on the hero. Sure, he is cool and it is awesome to meet a celebrity. He does plenty of cool things and has saved a lot of people, which is honorable and all, but every other hero does that as well, so you cannot see why he is so special. If anything, you find him a tad overrated. 

"WELCOME TO THE MOST IMPORTANT CLASS AT U.A HIGH! THINK OF IT AS HEROING 101!" All Might exclaims after marching to the teacher's podium. "Here you will learn the basics of being a pro! And what I mean is to fight in the name of good! Let's get into it! Today's lesson will pull no punches!" 

"Fight training!" Bakugo mutters with a smirk and a concerning amount of enthusiasm. You quirk a brow from your seat, but decide not to say anything. 

"One of the keys of being a hero is LOOKING GOOD!" He points towards the wall where a bunch of number-labeled boxes pop out. "These were designed for you based on your quirk registration forms and the requests you sent in before school started." 

Several excited gasps and noises ring throughout the room and even you correct your posture, looking forward to seeing what they did with your requests. In spite of everything that you were told during the first day, you fully believe this will be fun. 

"Get yourselves suited up and then meet me at Ground Beta!" 

It does not take long before everyone is dressed up and walking out dramatically onto the field. However, getting used to your new clothing may take a little while despite you liking it. 

It is not anything special, just a regular stylish costume in your favorite color with a cloud theme. It consists of a pair of goggles to deal with the wind resistance or trash getting into your eyes and protective gear, as well as a parachute to deal with potential crash landings. Other than that, you still carry your trusty staff with you. You would say you look cool and cannot prevent the giddy grin from taking over your face each time you see your reflection. The only issue is that all of the equipment is a bit heavy and hot, which is not too nice to deal with during a hot summer day like this one. 

"(Name)! Over here!" Ochaco calls out and rushes to you in her new suit. "Wow! You look awesome! I love the goggles you have now, they totally suit you!" 

"Thanks! You look great, too! The astronaut theme goes well with your power." You smile and she giggles happily at the comment. 

"Thank you! I wish I had been more specific about what I wanted, though... It's so skintight! I keep pulling the fabric, but it keeps getting stuck in my armpits," she complains. 

"Yikes, that's gotta be uncomfortable." You grimace thinking about the feeling. "I think you can get that fixed through the support course, though. I'm probably going to ask for a less... suffocating one for summers." 

"Oh... Yeah, that's a lot of fabric! It must be really hot!" 

"Yup, that's exactly why I'm asking. Phew!" You set the parachute bag down and try to mess with your equipment to get cooler. 

"Well, we can go ask together at some- hey, Deku's over there! I'll talk to him for a moment, go tackle Mina for me!" 

"Sure thing!" You wave her off and pick your stuff up with a huff. You still cannot tell what makes him so cool to her as you watch her run off and excitedly show off her costume to the boy. Aren't you two best friends? Something about it stings, as selfish as acknowledging the feeling feels. Are you not cool enough for her anymore? 

As you watch though, you notice something strange. All Might stares rather intently at Midoriya, as if analyzing him, and then he looked away in clear embarrassment. With a closer look, it may have been due to the several similarities Midoriya's costume had with his brand. But can that really be it, plenty of people look up to him, he should be used to this. Huh, weird. 

"Heya!" A loud, cheery voice exclaims next to you. 

"bAH!" You nearly fall over but catch yourself on a cloud. "Hi, Mina..." 

"You had that look on your face again! So I, your hero and knight in shining armor came to save you from it!" 

"What look?" 

"The one you have when you're overthinking something! So, I snapped you out of it!" She proudly proclaims with a heroic pose. 

"I have a specific look for that?" 

"Yup! You doze off and stare into the distance like you're a sad wife in a romcom whose husband just left you!" 

"Now, that's a comparison..." You laugh it off and pull yourself up. "Jokes aside though, you look great! The fur's a nice addition." 

"Awe, thanks! I designed it by myself! The costume makers just brought it to life!" She performs a short spin to show it off properly and ends it in an epic pose.

Though during the spin she accidentally slaps a blonde guy in armor who does not look too pleased about it. He swings his cape dramatically and Mina is cut off before she can apologize. 

"Now that you're ready, it's time for combat training!" 

"Sir! This is the fake city from our entrance exam. Does this mean we'll be conducting urban battles again?" 

"Not quite! I'm going to move you two steps ahead!" All Might explains the rules of the exam, the split into teams of two and general exposition on how to deal with villains. Once he gets it all out, questions fly from every corner. 

"Sir, will you be deciding who wins?" 

"How much can we hurt the other team?" Bakugo asks, making you scrunch up your face and whip your head at him. 

This time, you spoke up. "What's the deal with you?" He does not get the chance to respond as the air is filled with more questions. 

"Do we need to worry about the losers getting expelled like earlier?" 

"Will you be splitting us up based on chance or comparative skill?" 

"Isn't this cape crazy?" 

"I- wasn't finished talking!" All Might explains the goal of the exercise. Villains are to capture the heroes and protect their bomb, while heroes need to get to the bomb and detain the villains. 

Unfortunately you are not put together with anyone familiar through the lots, just some guy on Team J, but he does seem nice enough at least. 

"I DECLARE THE FIRST TEAMS TO FIGHT WILL BE.... THESE GUYS!" He shows off two balls with the letters 'J' and 'H' on it. 

"Looks like we're up first, huh?" You say to start up a conversation. 

"Yeah..." He looks up and his neutral expression soon shifts into a grin. "Oh, I know you! You got third place in both the entrance exam and the quirk assessment test!" 

"Alright! I was a bit worried before, but now I'm sure we'll win!" He winks playfully. 

You cannot help from smiling bashfully at how sure he is of your skills. Some heat rushs to your face, it is a bit embarrassing, though flattering. 

"Of course," you respond with a flustered smile. 

"TEAM J WILL BE THE HEROES! TEAM H WILL BE THE VILLAINS! Everyone else can head into the monitory room to watch!" 

The five minutes you need to wait seem quite long, but you and your current partner, whose name you learned was Hanta Sero, make it pass by discussing strategies. However, you apparently space out while talking about quirks, trying to figure out the best way to win based on them. 

"Oh, come on, don't look so disappointed! I swear there's a bunch of cool stuff I can do with this!" 

"Eh?" You snap back to reality.  "I didn't mean to look that way, I was just thinking!" 

You clear your throat and stretch your arms. "I guess there's no need try to come up with anything super thought-out. With their powers, either one of them could go out to look for us just as efficiently, though I'm pretty sure frog girl might be faster." 

"So what you're saying is that it would make more sense for us to run into her rather than Tokoyoami?" He asked. You made a mental note of the bird boy's name while you were at it. 

"Hm..." Your brows furrow in thought. "...No, maybe not. From what I saw of his power during the quirk assessment tests, it seems to be related to shadows. The screens showed that the weapon room has no windows, so maybe he's keeping watch in the dark hallways instead." 

"Oh... okay, that makes sense! So, what do you want to do? What's our plan?" An excited grin falls onto his lips. 

"Hm... I think sticking together is the best option. I'll make us clouds so we can just fly in from one of the higher levels. Once we're in, I'll look for them with my clouds. You deal with whoever's been sent out to look for us, I'll speed to the bomb." 

"Gotcha, captain!" He snaps his fingers into guns. "So, all I need to do is wrap 'em up into nice, cute presents?" 

"Yeah, that's pretty much it." You chuckle, shaking your head at his energy. 

"Perfect, just my area of expertise! You can count on me!" 

Soon after, a horn blares as the timer begins to tick down. Finally allowed to move, you form a pair of clouds and fly up. Sero wobbles on his while trying to hold on, so you pause before entering and steady his cloud, slipping into the building. Dissolving the clouds, your feet hit the ground and you walk through the hallways. As you send faint clouds to survey ahead Sero glances around, listening for threats. 

Minutes pass by as you walk pass through the halls in silence. Then, one of your misty clouds hits something warm. Your head shoots up, alert. 

"What? What is it?" Sero whispers. 

"Found the bird." 

"Alright! Should we fight him yet?" 

"We should get closer, but I want to find his teammate first." 

"Got it." Sero readies his capture tape as you focus and keep some of the clouds near Tokoyoami. After a little more searching, your clouds hit another moving target. 

"Found her." 

"Alright! So, stage three of the plan?" 

"Yeah, good luck." You readjust your goggles and spawn a solid cloud. 

"Heh, thanks, but I doubt I'll need it!" He grins and rushes to Tokoyoami's direction. A small smirk falls on your lips at that, dashing towards the forg girl's room. 

The second Sero reports being near Tokoyoami, you turn the mist shrouding the bird into firm clouds everywhere except around his feet. Now Sero knows where he is but he has no way of seeing your teammate, and with the clouds' density, hearing him will also be a problem. You reach the bomb room with ease, turning the mist around her solid as well. Sure of your victory, you rush towards the bomb, only to get thrown off at the last second. A sharp kick to the side sends you crashing into a ground and you barely catch yourself, groaning at the impact your hand absorbed. 

"I know you're out there, Shirakumo, ribbit." The frog girl speaks from the smog, taking a battle stance. "I know you're fast, but there's no way I'm letting you win without fighting me first." 

You breathe for a moment as you stand up. Waving off the pain in your wrist, you laugh. "Alright then, I guess that's fair. But hey, uh, I'm really bad with names. Could you please tell me yours before we battle?" 

"My name is Tsuyu Asui, but you can call me Tsu." 

"Got it, Tsu! You can also call me by my first name if you want to." 

"Okay then, (Name). Now, let's see how good of a hero you really are." She shifts within the mist. 

You cackle and ready your staff, getting into the roleplay as well. "Don't try to threaten me, villain! It is I who'll emerge victorious!" 

Her strong kick clashes against your staff. Spinning, you throw her into a wall but she turns herself just in time and lunges again. Blocking her assault with your staff, she rips it out of your hands while kicking off of you, knocking you down. You suck in a sharp breath and throw your hands up. A great soft cloud blocks her next assault and she bounces back. 

Jumping, on a cloud, you reaffirm the mist in the room. Her vision is utterly blurred as her head darts around. You crash into her and pry your staff out of her hands, knocking her feet out with it. She falls to the ground dazed and you apprehend her with the capture tape. Dissolving the smoke, you walk up to the fake bomb and press your hand to it. 

An alarm blares off, signifying the end of the training exercise. You breathe out heavily, rolling your shoulders. Creating so many clouds left you dizzy, and although it was not a bad fall, landing on your wrist was unpleasant. Even so, you take the time to help Tsuyu up before walking to the monitor room. On the walk, all four of you praise each other on your individual strengths and you find yourself smiling on the way, your new classmates don't seem half bad. 

"THE MVP OF THIS EXERCISE IS... YOUNG SHIRAKUMO!!" AM declares. You beam, a sense of pride washing over your form. "Could any of you bright young minds guess why?" 

"If you'll allow me, sir," Yayorozu starts, "Shirakumo not only came up with a plan that led to victory, but used their versatile power in a myriad of helpful ways. Not to mention, they correctly guessed their opponent's strategy before the exercise even begun. That level of deductive reasoning is commendable. With all that said, declaring Shirakumo as MVP is more than reasonable." 

A feeling of respect flows into your veins at her thought-out feedback. For once, someone comments on your technique instead of merely praising your power. One of those you were simply born with, the other one you trained your whole life. A small smile settles onto your lips, you hope to talk to her outside of a school setting someday. Unfortunately, that expression is quick to fade away. 

A blonde scoffs at the back of the class. "As if there is anything impressive about that. All Might, why don't you let me fight next so these losers can see what real power is?" 

"Your crude comments are impeding on the development of a positive class atmosphere! Apologize right now!" Iida demands. 

"Like hell I will! Keep your square shaped mouth shut, four eyes!"

"F-four eyes?! What an outdated and bizarre insult!" 

"Yeah, that one should've been left back in the early 2000s. C'mon, stay with the times, will ya?" 

"What did you say?!" The guy turns to charge at you but gets stopped. 

All Might appeared in between the two of you with his arms spread out. "Now, now, let's remain civil, younh Bakugo! Heroes mustn't fight amongst themselves, it will only give the villains an advantage! Now, uh, shake hands and start over!" 

He grumbles beneath his breath, only doing this because it's All Might. You comply because you don't want to get expelled. As soon as your hand grasps his, wetness coats it. 

"...Eew. Sweaty hands..." you mutter with a grimace.

"Huh?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" He yells into your deadpan face.

"I just stated a fact. Your hands are sweaty." 

"The second we get to fight, you're dead!" 

"OoOh, spooky! Are you sure you shouldn't be a villain instead? You've got the talk down to a T!"

"As if! Even in this exercise, I'll obviously be-" 

"Team A will be fighting Team D! Team D shall be the villains!" All Might declares. 

You are quick to turn back to Bakugo with the most smug smile imaginable. "You were saying?" 

He growls and turns away. You cackle at the sound. Turning to you, he performs a slit-throat motion with his thumb. "Just wait until the Sports Festival." 

"Sure, sure." You wave off his threat. "Can't wait to hand your ass to you. Unfortunately, it looks like Midoriya gets the honour of doing that first. What a lucky guy." 

The time bomb with anger issues looks as if he is about to explode and his hands already did so. However, he is interrupted by being called forward to perform the training exercise and stomps off, cussing beneath his breath. You simply toss your staff behind your head and rest your arms on it, watching him walk off. Wow, what a prick. That's my conclusive analysis on his character so far. 

Even as the next battle is set-up, the air is much heavier than it was during your match. You nervously fiddle with your staff even though you are not the one fighting. The tension makes you shift around on your feet and consistently check up on the preparation time. Others seem to have picked up on it as well, the room is quiet save for some discreet whispering, even All Might is silent, as if something big is happening. 

And then- 

"Heya!" 

You jump, this time evading both Mina's grasp on your shoulders and falling down somewhere. 

"Awe! Didn't get you this time!" Mina giggles.

You sigh and set your staff back on your shoulders again. "Do you really need to do that so often?" 

"Yes! Absolutely! Anyway, what're you looking so serious over?" 

"It's just... I'm not sure if pitting these two against each other is such a good idea yet." 

"Huh? Why?" 

"They already seem to have some sort of bad blood between them. For their first ever training exercise... I don't know. I just feel like they should more control over their powers before this sort of thing. Quirks can go pretty crazy under pressure." 

"Eh, you worry too much!" Mina pats you on the shoulder. "We've literally got the greatest hero of all time, the Symbol of Peace, supervising this battle. We'll be fine! Besides, I think-" 

Her sentence gets cut off by the battle finally beginning. Ochaco and Midoriya climb in through a window and Bakugo immediately flies out of nowhere towards the two. Your heart jumps into your throat, but Midoriya tackles Ochaco to safety with him. You breathe out and cross your arms. 

"Sneak attack, Bakugo?! What kind of a man pulls cheap crap like that!" Kirishima yells out. All Might however, remarks that he is simply playing the part of a villain and doing it well. 

"It didn't work! Midoriya dodged it!" Mina cheers. Her enthusiasm makes your posture relax a bit. 

Midoriya throws Bakugo over his shoulder and slams him on the ground. You blink twice to make sure you saw that correctly.

Right after it, Bakugo lunges for another explosive attack and Ochaco runs for the weapon. Good call, since Bakugo appears to be unreasonably focused on Midoriya, not seeming to even care for the test at hand. Is he just using this battle test as an excuse to go after Midoriya? What a nasty thought, but unfortunately it seems completely plausible. 

"I could already bet on the villain team losing," you mutter. 

"Huh? Already?" Mina questions. 

"I agree with you, Shirakumo," Momo interjects. "Not only is Bakugo's and Iida's teamwork completely faulty, but they also chose to send out the wrong person. Given his speed enhancing quirk, Iida would have been a much more suitable pick for scouring out and eliminating the heroes' team." 

"That's assuming the two even chose together to send Bakugo out." 

"Indeed. Those two lost their chance before the match even begun." 

You turn back to the screen. Midoriya is hiding and Bakugo frantically searching for him. On Ochaco's side, Iida and her are having an... interesting staredown. 

Things seem to actually be cooling down for a moment. Even though Bakugo finally finds Midoriya, things do not seem to be going out of control. You even find yourself calming down a little- 

"YOUNG BAKUGO! DON'T DO IT!" All Might suddenly shouts. 

Your eyes dart straight back to the screen to the mentioned bomb firing up a massive explosion with his gauntlets. -Nevermind. Fuck calming down, what the absolute shit is happening? 

The hallway's walls blast apart and tear to shreds. Half of the building gets obliterated and its inner rooms exposed to broad daylight. The cameras go pitch black, recording obscured in smoke. You share a long, flabbergasted look with Mina before turning back to the screens. 

"COME IN! COME IN MIDORIYA!" All Might's frantic yells trying to reach him do not exactly make the situation better. The tiny waver in his voice makes even him sounds slightly panicked, but you hope you are imagining it. 

"Yeah... maybe you weren't overthinking this one." Mina sweatdrops. 

"Ya think?" You deadpans. 

The smoke clears at last and thankfully, Midoriya is revealed sprawled on the floor with his hands covering his face but unscathed. In the disarray Ochaco decides to make a break for the weapon. Mina nudges you in excitement to look at the screen and you nod, watching her go for it with a strained smile. Unfortunately, Iida snatches the weapon away from her and she crashes into a wall. At this point you are torn between which screen to watch. 

"Sir, isn't this getting out of hand? That Bakugo is acting real crazy! He's gonna kill him!" Kirishima comments. 

"I agree." You cross your arms. "I know we're supposed to take this seriously, but fatal force seems just a bit..." 

"Excessive." Momo finishes for you. 

Many of your other classmates also pipe up in agreement. Finally, All Might listens and threatens to stop the match if he launches an attack of that scale again. Bakugo, although not using a similar move does not ease up on the offensive and blasts himself over Midoriya, changes his direction mid-air and hits Midoriya directly in the middle of his back. You raise an eyebrow. That move was actually quite skillfully executed. 

"What was that move?" Kirishima exclaims. 

"He doesn't come off as a guy with a strategy, but he's actually quite intelligent." Todoroki surprisingly speaks up. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"He changed his trajectory mid-air by using a blast that doubled as a smokescreen. Very clever." 

"A faint attack like that requires an extreme amount of precision. He had to calculate the physics and demonstrate control over his quirk," Momo explains.  

"He needed to focus on all parts of his body to pull that off; legs to ensure a stable landing, right arm to turn himself to the correct position, left arm to attack and his head to aim." You spoke up in thought. 

"Moves like that take a long time to pin down," you reluctantly state. "Hate to admit it, but it does look like he isn't just all-talk." 

"Bakugo is uber-talented. I hate it," A lightning-bolt haired boy says.  

Mina turns to you. "All of that praise!" she whispers cheekily into your ear. "Don't tell me you're jealous of him, (Name)!" 

"Eh, annoyed at him, is more like it." You lazily roll your eyes. "Can really you blame me for not wanting to root for him?" 

"I guess not." She shrugs with a smile. 

Yours, however swiftly fades upon looking at the screen as Bakugo delivers another brutal kick to Midoriya's arm and back, then throws him against the metal floor. You grimace, those injuries must be nasty. Spars and training matches are supposed to be friendly and fun, educational. This however, is nothing but a one-sided beat-down. Other students are criticizing the match as well and All Might grips his microphone, debating whether to end the match or not. 

Midoriya manages to get away at one point and retreats to the other end of the room. The two boys yell something at each other, whatever is said aggrovates Bakugo even further. Mina and you share another concerned look. Though she looks back to the screen first and urges you to do the same. Your eyes fly open at the massive attacks the pair were charging at one another with. 

Several distressed yells to All Might from different members of the class chorus through the monitor room. You too find yourself asking if this should be stopped. 

"They're gonna kill each other!" Kirishima shouts out. You swallow and grip your staff as you watch the two's punches crash into one another. 

An immense gust of air blows directly up upon the impact and slams through every floor and the rooftop, smashing it all to pieces. Every single window in the building bursts into shards as the whole area shakes. In the chaos, Ochaco grabs a pillar and blasts the debris at Iida, then grabs the weapon. 

Everything stands still for a moment. Not one student moves before All Might speaks up again. "The hero team... WINS!" 

You slowly breathe out after taking in the massive destruction. Another day to be happy I wasn't born with something destructive like super strength... gods, I love my quirk. 

Everyone else also takes in the aftermath of the intense battle. "What a weird way for this to end! The losers are practically untouched and the winners are both on the ground!" 

"How does the old saying go? They may have lost the battle but won the war," Tokoyami states. 

"This class is intense," Tsuyu says. 

"The battle you witnessed just now was a good example of the dangers being a hero can bring!" All Might blares after calling over the nurse robots. "A hero's job isn't always all sunshine and autographs! Villains, those dastardly evildoers can sometimes get the upper hand and catch you or your coworkers by surprise! It is always important to watch your back and get medical help as soon as the need arises!" 

Your chest tightens and a frown settles on your face at his words. It is not as if you are naive enough to have assumed this occupation holds no risks at all. However, being reminded of the danger still fills you with unease. 

"Now excuse me, I must go check up on our contestants! I will be right back!" All Might declares, then runs off at an inhuman speed.

Soon after he returns and the results are given. "The MVP of this exercise is young Iida!" 

"Shouldn't it be one of the heroes again since they're the winners?" 

"Valid question! Why didn't I choose one of those two? Who has a guess?" 

"Sir, I can tell you why!" Momo raises her hand and basically roasts three out of the four contestants. Iida on the other hand practically glows under the praise and grips his heart through his metal suit. 

Hm... she is a bit obnoxious... you sweatdrop, then shrug and adjust your posture. But she really is also observant, I can appreciate that. 

Next to you, Ochaco stares at the floor with a frown, dejected and unmoving. 

You clear your throat. "That move you pulled back there was really cool!" Her surprised eyes jump to meet the smile on your face. "Did you name it yet? I couldn't hear anything that was happening." 

"Oh-" She bashfully stares off to the side and scratches the back of her neck. "-it was just an improvised move I made up on the spot. Nothing special." 

"You're kidding, right? You picked up a whole pillar and swung it around like baseball bat! C'mon, you looked like you were declaring something epic back there!" 

"How did you even notice something like that?" 

"I've been told I have pretty good eyes!" You say half-jokingly. "C'mon," you draw out the word and sling a hand over her shoulder. "what's your first official hero moves' name?" 

She rolls her eyes and puffs her cheeks, defiantly trying to bite down a smile. "Fine... It's called Comet Home Run." She finally said with a pout. 

You gasp dramatically. "So I was right about the baseball part!" 

"Yeah, whatever." She lightly pushes you off and you let her go, leaning on your staff again for a change. By now All Might is done talking about the Team A vs. Team D battle and draws the next lots. 

The third battle is between an invisible girl and a martial arts kid against Terminator's Todoroki's ice quirk and... a guy with multiple arms, but he does not get to do much here as Todoroki freezes the whole place. 

"Take note of his technique, students!" All Might exclaims. 

"What technique?" You cannot help from blurting out. "You do know nobody else here has a quirk like that, right? What am I taking note of?" 

All Might winds up just stumbling over his words trying to explain what he meant, and him shaking like a dying leaf did not make his speech any more coherent. To his luck, he is saved from answering by a couple of shivering students loudly fawning over Todoroki's power. You are not cold though, having had an annoyingly hot suit before. You are only mildly cool now, it is actually pretty comfortable.

The other battles certainly are not nearly as intense as Midoriya's and Bakugo's showdown. The matches are even for the most part, and only Todoroki's and your own rounds wound up being ridiculously fast. Momo's is decently speedy too, but her strategy takes a longer time to complete. Throughout the time you watched others compete the two of you often wound up making eye contact randomly. And every single time you lifted a hand to very obviously wave at him, he turned away as if it had not happened. You are now absolutely certain that he is ignoring you on purpose, but you still hold hope that he is just socially awkward or something instead of just acting like a 'too-cool-for-you' jerk on purpose. 

The only round after the first three that truly holds your interest was Mina's, of course. You need to cheer your girl on, after all. She does great and wins her match even though she had some teamwork issues with her partner. Though that is understandable since she had slapped him in the face earlier and burning through his cape with her acid during the test didn't exactly help the situation. But she does still win and it is a happy end. 

"Whoo! Let's all go celebrate winning again!" Mina bounces up to you and Ochaco happily.

Thankfully before Ochaco's soul has the chance to leave her body for spending too much money, Mina clarifies something important. "My treat! We can all try something new and fun today!" Which sways Ochaco's soul into returning to her body. 

After several more training exercises and the rest of the day's classes, evening rolls around. The final class has just barely ended and pretty much everyone is still around for whatever reasons, primarily to socialize. Midoriya gets swarmed the second he walks in through the door. You would have walked up to him as well, but he seems to already be rather overwhelmed with the current amount of attention that he is getting, so you decide to wait on it. Not like you have anything urgent to say aside from the usual 'congratulations on the win' and 'are you alright'. 

Ochaco walks in through the door with the oddly familiar looking lightning-bolt haired boy carrying some items. The guy seems to be trying to make some moves, but Ochaco instantly rushes to Midoriya the moment she spots him. You chuckle at his dejected expression and decide to float to him on your cloud to figure out why you can vaguely recognize him. 

"Tough luck with the ladies, huh?" 

He jumps, then laughs awkwardly. "Yeah... I guess you could say that. But, uh, hey, you're friends with Uraraka, right? Would it be possible for you to, say, put in a good for me?" 

"Sorry, buddy, I don't know you well enough to be your wingman yet, especially not for my bestie." You chuckle, then look closer at him. "Hm... or do I?" 

"Huh? Oh, wait... now that you mention, you look kinda familiar too. Oh, wait a second-!" 

The realization hits both of you at the same time. 

"You were that kid with a Death Arms hoodie!" 

"You were that kid with a Present Mic hoodie!" 

"No way!" You both exclaim at the same time again. 

"It's been so long! That arcade doesn't even exist anymore!" 

"I know right? Damn, this is totally crazy! Who would've thought we'd both end up at U.A, in the same class?" 

"Man, something like fate has got to exist!" 

"Hey, look at us! We both achieved our dream! Becoming heroes!" 

You both marvel over the strange coincidence and reconnect. Excited rambling fills your corner of the room as the class slowly empties. While a few of the girls remain to chat amongst themselves, he recounts how he had prepared for the entrance exams until you suddenly gasp. 

"Oh yeah! Talk about a butterfly effect!" 

"Eh? What are you talking about?" He smiles awkwardly. 

"I used to be really bad at asking people their phone numbers, and then I never saw them again. Forgetting yours was the last straw, we had so much fun, but now I couldn't contact you in any way! After that, I made damn sure I'd at least hand out my number on a piece of paper as soon as I felt like I was becoming friends with someone!" You snap your fingers with a goofy grin. "So, in a way, I guess I have you to thank for my friendship with Mina!" 

"Ohoho, you're very welcome!" He shoots you pair of fingerguns. "You could say I've been your hero ever since our first meeting!" 

You laugh, "oh, for sure." 

You talk for a little while longer until Kaminari checks the time. "Well, I better get going. I still got some stuff to do at home, so I'll... see you tomorrow?" 

"Of course!" You grin. 

After that, you wait for Ochaco and Mina, who for some reason are stalking Bakugo and Midoriya through the classroom window. Although you really would like to walk home with your friends, your foot is beginning to tap the floor impatiently. Your curfew is approaching, and you cannot be bothered to deal with a stupid lecture after such a draining yet exciting day. 

"Huh. Wonder what was that all about?" Mina asks. 

"The fated battle between rivals!" Ochaco gasps. 

"Whatever Midoriya was saying it looked like Bakugo really wanted to punch him," Tsuyu remarks. 

"Childhood friends turned enemies," Ochaco breathes. 

"Hm." You do not say anything, just lean against a wall, looking out of the window. The relationship between those two is certainly strange and complicated. Since it is none of your business, you will not be butting into it unless asked or if they try to kill each other or something. However, you, like many of your classmates cannot help but wonder about the two. 

And All Might... he seems rather invested in the twos' business. Maybe it is a teacher- no, maybe it is a hero thing. A regular teacher would not care so much. Your eyes narrow, some unpleasant memories surfacing and your fingers dig into your uniform. 

"Hey, overthinker!" Mina shouts right into your ear. You stumble and hit a desk, but do not fall down this time. "It's about time we head home! Though whatever's going on with those two seems pretty juicy, try not to lose sleep over it and your conspiracy theories, okay?" 

You pull yourself up with a groan and dust off your uniform, muttering, "they are not conspiracy theories." 

"Sure they aren't! How'd your theory about our chemistry teacher being an alien turn out, hm?" 

"Ochaco! That was in second grade," you whine. The girls laugh it off and eventually, you join in as well. It is only harmless teasing at the end of the day, you get your own jabs in as well. The walk home turns into a time of reminiscing on past embarrassing memories, all in good fun. In the end, you really do get your thoughts out of everything more complicated, happy to enjoy the simplistic joys of being together and alive. 

[joprompts]

the great gatsby (2023 musical) starters. part two. *starters from the musical. slightly edited for rp purposes. adjust as necessary.

better hold tight or i might fly away.

do you know what i did when my baby was born? when i found out that she was a she? i prayed that my beautiful child would be the fool that i could never be.

if that's the plan, you can count me out.

only four hours left and there's too much to do. i don't know what to wear, what to say, how to stand when i'm standing inside the foyer!

can justice be done? what a joke!

soon, we'll share in what i've done.

when the party's over, can you find another party somewhere?

we live for today.

one way road, is that what this is? have i traveled down it from a very early age?

it's tea, it's only tea! no need for such commotion!

today is never over if the party never stops.

god sees everything, but is slow on his commands.

i wonder what [she'd/he'd/they'd] do, if i walked through.

what if i turn into her?

she should know that i mean business, but i also mean causal, with teeny tiny sandwiches!

i'm sure you're the second-best she's ever had!

with only a nickel to my name, i've but it all to get in the game.

even for you, that was a scandal for the ages.

it took no time to love her, just to be worthy of her.

this could turn for me and i can guarantee when all this is done i'll be forever in your debt.

i wouldn't trust myself.

i kissed her and knew i'd ever stray, but then the world got in the way.

can you see through the mist? look out this way. can you see the green light, just across the bay? sometimes, it's blinking, sometimes it's warning, blinking it's message to me until morning. it's a lighthouse.

none of this was made to last.

i will be a rich man's wife with a rich man's baby and be set for life.

will she see i've made my world in the image of her dreams? the closer that i get, the farther that she seems!

i've become the man her world demanded me to be.

they want me to come in while the killer roams free.

better listen to that man. people say he takes the world seriously.

can you believe we now have a child?

she never loved you and she never will.

i built the perfect place to stay locked away.

we pay off the cops.

there must be some justice! someone has to pay!

how's the view from up there?

i spoke those words to gain security. it was maybe a mistake and the only choice to make.

i think you two are birds of a feather. i must find ways to fling you together. lock you both up in a closet for tea, charter a boat, push you right out to sea!

i've always known what i was fighting for.

to have and to hold. til death do us part.

only we know what we're going through. if i save you, will you save me too?

i'm gonna walk into the ocean!

we had to give up all the parties and drinking.

the party's roaring on.

marriage is more than vows and devotion. it is a ferris wheel of emotion. lifting you up, right after you fall. marriage is not what you picture at all.

i'm not going anywhere.

but now, today i see an open door at last that could lead me to a future i gave up in the past.

she eats and sleep and it is utterly wild!

i'm paralyzed with happiness.

i built a home beyond my childhood dreams.

breathe, i can't breath! can't hold it together! i try to inhale and my head starts to swim.

when i saw him walking down the aisle, he actually looked cute.

i've come so far for her.

if we don't go now, we might never know what this could be! who we really are!

i'm smart enough to know i'd lose everything if i ever strayed.

and boy, was i a sucker.

we'll be living back in time, just as it was before. only now she will have everything and more.

i've always liked swinging at little white balls.

it's time for tea!

can we stop for a moment and just look around. look at us all and the joy we have found.

i can't run away.

at the end of the night, i'm going home with him.

can you see through the mist, across the bay?

i let him put a ring on me.

but don't you think that every newlywed believes their marriage will endure and that somehow will escape their fate? is that every wedding's curse?

everyone can stop tip-toeing.

money can't buy happiness, no sir, but it brings you closer.

am i chasing a dream?

[lovelytayforce]

TFP Airachnid would be cool 2, 3, 8, 12, 28, 37, 50

This is gonna be a long one lads, so buckle up!!

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on Obvious HC: The pain and trauma she inflicts on others is mostly her own lil way of dealing with her own internal bs that not even Rung could untangle. While I don't ship Arcee with her, I do think she does feel a certain kinship as one of the few femmes on the show much less in that small group of surviving bots of their species considering there is also only one of her kind left (based on tfwiki and my limited knowledge) It's kind of how I feel about TFP Megatron and Starscream, in a war that's been so long these "terrible people" are now apart of their lives. This is their normalcy as weird as that may sound. Idk I don't think we as a fandom explore the fact they are a dying species outside of "Let's get em reproducing" What about how their long lives affect their own relationships with their enemies and how they are a key part of their lives and that nagging voice reminding them "This is it." She counts as a modern Predacon; Kre-o is canon guys I said so. 🫵🏽😜 She is super cute, look at her!!!!

3. Obscure headcanon - She's Nocturnal which means I can make all the neet jokes I want with her! - I 200% believe she's the type who's terrible at following directions and follows the mantra "I'll do it when I do!" but will get super passionate about the things she wants to do so yeah not exactly a team player. (Idk why but I associate her with a lot of Anzu cards lol) One of those passions is unfortunately taking people's heads and making Starscream and Megs life hell.

Her form can't adapt to most vehicle modes which is how I just explain whatever the hell happened with her helicopter mode...Idk in a sci fi sense her biology is just so interesting to me. - She loves sweet things. (Am I projecting more of Anzu on her, maybe but who knows maybe she liked taking sweet energon when she turned into a Vampire so watch out sweet lovers~!)

She's 200x worse in the cold than most Cybertronians and is more at risk of going offline than Optimus.

She has 2000% sat on Megatron's throne and stayed there despite him standing right there, you can't tell me otherwise. Her connection with insecticons is mostly superficial; due to their similarities in species and I'd love to speculate she doesn't actually control them, just direct their actions vaguely with signals only their own kind can hear. (I feel like this was explained in the show but I legitimately forgot...so yeah hc...)

She's sillier than others give her credit, but it probably surprises her sometimes too. 8. Unpopular opinion about them Alot of y'all are gonna hate me for this but I think she's just as redeemable as the rest of the cons!!!! Listen she's part of a very small species called Arachnicons and is constantly belittled as a more intelligent Insecticon by other Cybertronians and yes while in TFP she does have the connection to control that sort of hive, I've never seen anyone explore that aspect of the aligned continuity much less her character. That holds a lot of potential for angst and I know we all love evil gals but she can still have more depth to her. Anyways if I ever get around to it. I would be down to write a fic of her being slightly better with some still questionable morals as all cons should have! TLDR; I think she's a more interesting character than people give her credit for and I love her! 12. Crack headcanon Another Kre-O bit that never left my mind; she never admits it but I like to believe she would enjoy and crave (Just a smidge) to be a part of group activities.

She doesn't find Megatron funny at all but listens anyway. (Hey if we can count his love for MLP from Ask Megatron as a fanon HC; I can have this! You CAN'T TAKE THIS FROM ME!) - I never mentioned this on Megatron's post but well here we go. She and Megatron would both have black Holoforms She'd have more frizzy curly hair while Megatron has locs. 😘 28. How they feel about [insert character of your choice from the same fandom] Well, it said character of my choice so I chose; THE WHOLE DECEPTICON MOVEMENT; I like to think she did see it as a place to belong for awhile until it went full-blown military and "follow my exact order" type deal she liked it better when it was chaotic before the Great Exodus and all that jazz. Let's be real, she's not the only con like this even KO is more along the lines of wanting to do as he pleases, so deep down if she hadn't taken Breakdown out. They could have been not friends but understood one another maybe? (Ah that's another crack hc...) 37. What they really think about themselves She sees herself as the ideal hunter, she follows her instincts without a second thought; even if others look down on her, she won't feel ashamed of who she is. If anything she probably views herself as "pure" not in a kind sense but accepting her urges to kill as natural while everyone else wears of mask of civility. 50. A memory they’ve blocked out

Her fight with Soundwave. Not part of the post but I just wanna remind people of the fact she's voiced by two queens; Gina Torres and Ryoka Tuzuki are both MOTHER, they could never make me hate a character you voiced 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

[living-my-future-past-life]

Die alone in love - A letter to my muse

When I was young, I cried one night and spoke to the moon, I asked it "Please, let me know what love feels like one day". Of course, I meant that I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved. I grew up unwanted, a mistake, isolated by my peers, and only experiencing toxic relationships in which I was typically used.

As time passed, I did not find my love, it never found me. Nigh, I carried on.

Years later I met you, you made my mornings better, messages on my commute made my days start with a smile. I felt something with you I'd never felt before, and tried denying it. You were a magical thing to me, and it was easier for me to pretend you weren't real than to admit I had started falling in love with you. For many years, only one friend of mine even knew you existed. I tried dating others, but it was the same old story, and it never worked.

One day I was due to have serious surgery, I had a major panic attack, and temporarily passed out. Oh, how my life flashed before my eyes. I saw friends, animals, childhood memories, and you. I did not even see any of my ex-partners, only you.

You were the first man outside of my immediate family to ever see me without makeup. The only man I've ever been truly vulnerable with. You're the only person I listen to no matter what my mood is - and I am a stubborn bitch. You're the only person who's ever been able to calm me down when I've had a panic attack. You're the only one I feel completely safe and at ease with. I've made mistakes, my trauma brain led me astray, and I forgot to say... I trust you completely. You have an effect on me, and always have, in a way I just cannot explain.

In my recovery I was confused, and reached out to you. How our friendship grew after that, and with it's growth, so did my feelings. Deeper and deeper in love with you I fell, and some many months later I tried to tell you. It did not go great did it? You never said you did not love me, nor did you say you did, but you pulled me closer rather than push me away. You're a curious little weirdo sometimes.

I understand why you hid yourself from my slightly now, and I did prefer it, it was like playing pretend, because until you stopped... I could also hide from how I felt about you. It was easier. Having to deal with realising I love you was one of the hardest things I ever did, growing up as I did, I never knew what unconditional love looked like, that it could even exist. I once asked you if you believed in true love, I think we both had our doubts that it existed back then, maybe you still do, I don't anymore.

You come and go like a yoyo, but I hope deeply, even if you never love me back, that you will at least stay in my life. Days are brighter with you around, songs are more beautiful, flowers bloom faster. I'll never expect you to love me. But, I also know I cannot turn off the way I feel for you, how many times I have tried, how I tried to move on, tried to forget you...

But, damn it, we are too alike, to forget you I have to forget myself... I did that once and ended up miserable. So, maybe it is better to just love you forever even from afar, and stay true to myself... Maybe that's why you told me to forgive myself.

Sometimes, I get sad at the prospect of living alone all my life, and I really do mean alone. Friends already living their own lives, married with kids, and me... not. Even without my feelings for you, no one is interested, the last person who was sexually assaulted me. It's sad, sometimes, the prospect of this loneliness forever, wishing I could turn off my love for you, wishing there was a switch, but even that would be useless, I know what love looks like now, feels like... Going into the dating game these days knowing this... It'd be even more depressing I think.

But, I can't turn off how I feel, I cannot just stop loving you no matter how hard I try. And sometimes I look to the little girl staring up at the moon asking it to let her know what love feels like, and I realised it answered my wish, even if not how I wanted. It answered my wish when it gave me you.

And, while my life may be lonely, it is not without love. Every day, I go to work, feed my cat, I partake in many hobbies, and every day... My heart beats a drum beat to your song. If I died tomorrow, I would not have lived a loveless life... I'd have lived one where I know what it feels like to love someone unconditionally, with all their flaws, faults, quirks... That is something few ever know in their lives. I am grateful to you, for simply existing, because by existing you have allowed me to know what it feels like to truly love someone.

So, even if I never get to wrap my arms around you, if I never get to make you a cup of tea on a cold winter evening, or celebrate your wins and mourn your losses by your side... I'll have lived a life where I really, truly, deeply, loved.

Maybe, that's enough.

I'm forever yours.

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

just because my brain is a lil mushy for writing-- and the mood to do this struck me-- imma piggy back off some earlier chatter with Jackie ( @akumanoken ) on that "list of voices that 'do things™'" just because--

Disclaimer before i start: For the VA entries here, reference points are going to be given via the characters i know them best as/who's performance best fits the sprit of this list-- These are also in no real order, mainly just whatever order i thought of names first lol

Morikawa Toshiyuki

{as Tsukinami Carla - Diabolik Lovers}

Okay so, Carla is slightly an outlier in this group-- seeing as I've never had the chance to play any of the game series he's from (and may not ever be able to, unless i find finished English patches and try to fuck around with that route--) But regardless of that, i've heard his voice via some videos online in the past-- and My God-- this man could end me. (and i should i get to play any game routes featuring him, imma probably die on the spot--)

Sakurai Takahiro

{as Mukami Ruki - Diabolik Lovers}

Again, i doubt i'll ever be able to play his routes in game, but-- i do believe at one point i watched the anime adaptation that was made for More Blood, and even if it was a train wreck (like the rest of the anime for this series lol) i can at least recall enjoying Ruki's VA out of all that mess XD {also, bonus mention for one of his characters songs here, as i just now heard this one today-- and rather enjoyed it u w u}

Daisuke Ono / J. Michael Tatum

{as Sebastian Michaelis - Kuroshitsuji}

I-- don't really have much to say on this point lol, aside from the fact that these men doing their voices for Sebastian 100% fit the spirit of this list XD (i'm also skipping giving a link here, because i'm sure anyone reading can go find an example of both VAs in this role very easily lol)

Morita Masakazu

{as Yanagi Aiji - Collar x Malice}

Yanagi sits in kind of an odd space honestly lol-- because on the one hand, i enjoy just listening to him-- thanks to "older brother/caring dad" sorta vibe he gives me... but at the same time, i can't deny that certain voice dips he does-- they do hit a lil different. {for a better show case of what i mean, check out this vid of his "interview" via the voice recorder extra-- tho i sadly couldn't find one with the eng sub}

Kimura Ryouhei

{as Shiraishi Kageyuki - Collar x Malice}

hhhh-- Shiraishi, my boi... i love this man-- and like, his voice wins a spot here because, much like with Micchan-- i'd lowkey die if i ended up as a target of the teasing he enjoys doing. {and the bonus voice recorder section for him as well--}

Suwabe Jun'ichi

{as Abraham Van Helsing - Code: Realize}

Van somewhat falls in line with Yanagi, as i find his voice rather soothing to listen to... and i admit, my frame of reference for them both is a little fuzzy--thanks to not having played either game for a while... But-- i do remember an extra story from the first C:R game, which gives us all sleepy voice Van, and just-- that one lowkey ended me.

Hirakawa Daisuke

{as Saint-Germain - Code: Realize}

{& Itsuki Mito - Secret xxx / Therapy Game}

listen-- just... listen-- Hirakawa earns his place here because as both bois, i could listen to this man talk for ages-- (much like the mentions below--) But-- thanks to certain scenes from the Secret xxx CD... i can not unhear this man doing spicy audio-- and that fact is forever going to end me. (and Itsuki doesn't get an example link, simply because i don't think i've got anything timmed from the CD he mainly features in--)

{Honorable mentions} This section is for voices that I adore listening to, but, they don't quite fall into the same category as the above list-- More so just that type of mood where it's the "i could listen to you talk for ages" sort of vibe lol

Hirakawa Daisuke's performance as Laito Sakamaki {Diabolik Lovers}

Taniyama Kishou performance as Ikki {Amnesia VN Series}

[saemihaw]

uh??

I want home

I miss my home

I want my home

I miss everything there the yard the house the forest the lake the pets my room my toys my life

I miss home

We lived there 4 years

longest I have anywhere

No place has felt home again

I miss my home

I'd always find something to do

I miss that cowclock in our small cottage with a sauna there near the lake

I miss the smell of that place

I miss the walls of our home

Made of wood

I miss feeling at home

I miss our strawberries and other berries there that we'd pick up

I miss all of our pets there

I can't believe none of them are alive anymore

I miss just playing around

I miss me and my older brother being close

I miss that time time so much

Everything started to crack when we moved away from there

I know also I just did not understand things

I remember also feeling scared if my parents were fighting or if my dad was drunk

He was a lot at the time?

I don't know. was it on the next one homr more? or like the other nexts and so on

I used to go fishing with him and stay up late talking about stuff around the fire waiting it to go out. I remember also feeling slightly uncomfortable too because sometimes he made me uneasy when being drunk

I remember we had to drive to pick him up to home a lot and I was always very uncomfortable

I remember my mother crying on phone with him asking when he'd come home because he has been out with people drinking and having fun and I didn't really understand but I drew her a picture to make her feel better and she hugged me. maybe crying too

I remember when my mom was trying to read for me a bedtime story to get me to sleep and my dad would come at the door drunk explaining something and I told her something. like that I was uncomfortable or scared or wanted to sleep or something

And she told him that I was trying to sleep and he went then ranting sounding offended that now he can't even talk around here?

I was scared

I remember one time I was so surprised my mother hugged me after some of our fight and apologized which she often did not

I remember also being laughed at a lot for being dramatic or too sensitive

man. I miss being actually a kid

Moving to the next home I have mostly just bad memories from there.

I think I sometimes think before that everything was 'perfect' and life was good even though we had problems already at there too

But I only started to realize them better after we moved and one of my siblings were born.

I was watching and stressing watching after this baby a lot and ever after that I haven't been in good terms with my dad because of how I'd defend my mom and question why wasn't he helping around and why was he such a jerk and sorry but you being a man doesn't mean you should be respected if you haven't earned a reason to.

Also you really are not above everyone else like you keep talking to or as smart as you think. It's actually scary how deeply you'd believe you're better than everybody else

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I miss feeling like me and my mother were a team but we never really were.

She was never on my team. I remember thinking how if I stopped being annoying kid she'd love me and wouldn't get mad at me or call me dramatic

If I help around with stuff she'll respect me and see me as an 'equal' too and not just stupid kid

and it workeddd

until I grew and realized she isn't really always either can be mean and hurtful and she's treating my kids (my siblings) unfair like she did me and I started to talk back at her too and challenge her parenting and suddenly you get mad at me again

later telling me you hate me

being annoyed with me

getting tired of me

then u just leave me and move away without never calling and now I'm like wow okay

damn I miss being a kid

I'm sure it wasn't exactly as great at there as I think but I miss my home

I miss my home so much and I miss my life

If I was mad or something I could go be outside whole day go to our forest and there was that big rock I'd go lay on and listen to the birds.

wait no that rock was on our next homes yard

wait

I don't remember the forest there that well I keep imagining the other homes one.

well anywayyyyyyyyy

I sometimes say I don't remember so much but I actually do remember lot from my childhood actually

Well.

feel after we moved from that town is when I have more struggle remembering stuff sometimes.

Like I have two to three years where it's hard to remember too much.

Actually I have hard time remembering even after that more than the memories I keep playing in my head

I have hard time remembering about the first year I lived alone

and some time around year ago or like little over that

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I feel like I'm living inside a cloud sometimes and it flies me to the next day week and months but I can't clearly see through it or see the whole view in a way you know

I don't know

[edge-oftheworld]

hi! i saw your post about the nostalgia tour and i couldn’t say i know the exact feeling because i didn’t get to go, but i ~kinda~ think i know what you’re talking about from the ep per se. i wouldn’t touch twitter with a ten foot pole and sometimes i don’t know how to articulate these feelings, but i do get the slightly off vibe. i don’t know how to interpret it and that’s so frustrating bc it’s just… a feel. anyway, idk if i said anything or not, but yeah. would love to hear your thoughts bc mine are just ramblings.

hi anon! thanks for this ask. unfortunately I've said just about all I can on here--if you go in my archive of my blog to june 16th you can see my thoughts on my show but i'm not gonna bring them back to the top of my blog.

HOWEVER if you do go off anon I am more than happy to have this conversation more privately, but out of respect for luke there's a line that I'd rather not cross when it comes to speculation somewhere I can't at least do the due diligence of controlling who is able to see what I'm saying.

on a more generalised note, something about being anywhere under the neurodivergent umbrella means often a high correlation with a bunch of chronic health things, it's something i'm watching myself and a lot of my friends in our 20s go through. part of it is down to our brains and bodies/nervous systems being built differently (hence neruroDIVERGENT), part is due to the excess stress of living in a world not built for us. some people in this general demographic of society are gonna become musicians, and some are gonna become actually successful at that, and have to deal with the extra stressors of touring and fame and loss of privacy. I've been saying for years we need to be more accommodating for that.

how much, if any, of this applies to luke I could not say. he's gonna share however much he feels like when he feels like and we're gonna listen and respect that because he doesn't have to and we're lucky to get whatever we do. but I also think listening to and respecting him also has an active component: when he says he was too young to go through what he did, we need to ask ourselves, how can we make this industry have safeguards to be developmentally appropriate for a 16 year old? when he says (at my show) that the last time he was at this venue he wasn't allowed anywhere but the stage and upstairs because he was 17, we need to think to ourselves, how could we (or whoever's in charge) offset the loss of freedom that would feel like?

and when he says that making music is helping him heal and have a better relationship with everything around him we have to believe that. even though we worry, of course we do, this career path is really dangerous for anyone who started young. everyone is gonna struggle with that in different ways and we're gonna be understanding of that instead of judging, because none of us have ever been through what he has or been inside his head. i hope this was a bit of an answer to your question anon even if it wasn't a proper answer!

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 8th January

And with the start of January proper, we see the resurgence of a genre I really did think we'd put to bed. It's almost like I'm being haunted by the ghost of Winifred Atwell - except somebody's tuned her piano, this time!

More Party Pops - Russ Conway (peaked at Number 10)

It's even titled like a Winifred Atwell number. Which I guess is the point, so that people looking for this sort of popular piano medley would know what to look for, when browsing down at the record store. Still, as titles go, "More Party Pops" feels clumsy. Just like a lot of this medley does - there's at least one point where rather than transitioning smoothly between songs, we literally stop and start up again at a completely different speed.

Aside from that, it's channelling the exact same vibe as Winifred's "Let's Have A _______" series, with a whole bunch of presumably popular songs, played in a slightly slipshod ragtime style, along with a bit of drumming in the background. The piano is in better tune, as I mentioned in the intro, but apart from that, it's nigh-on identical in its execution to literally any of Winifred's stuff, down to the inclusion of "Music! Music! Music!", the only one of the tunes that I did actually recognise, and one that I also remember being on one of the "Let's Have a _______" tracks.

Aside from that, we've got familiar bangers such as "If You Were the Only Girl in the World", "I'm Nobody's Sweetheart Now", "Yes, Sir, That's My Baby" (spiritual predecessor to Baccara's "Yes, Sir, I Can Boogie"?), "Some of These Days", "The Honeysuckle and the Bee", "Hello! Hello! Who's Your Lady Friend?" (to which the correct answer is always "None of your business, and please leave us alone") and "In a Shanty in Old Shanty Town". I'm familiar with precisely none of these, and listening to the track on repeat hasn't helped me, much. It's all just a kind of jolly blur, I'm afraid. There was a sequel song, too, "More Party Pops Part 2", and I only recognise one song from there, either, which is "Bill Bailey Won't You Please Come Home". And I only know that song beacuse the comedian Bill Bailey does a version of it, I don't know it beyond that context.

Russ Conway, at least, seems quite an interesting character. He was self-taught, and learnt the play the piano - though not to read music - while in borstal for stealing from his employers, after leaving school aged only 14. Despite this rougher start, he then did very well for himself during World War II and got a Distinguished Service Medal for heroics in the Aegean after being conscripted into the navy. He ended up in the merchant navy after the war, but left because of ill health, and somehow ended up playing piano on the club circuit, at this point, still unable to read music - which is where he was picked up as a recording artist. Talk about an interesting background!

I don't object to this song, but I find I have very little positive to say about it. Instrumentals can be like that, especially this sort of "put it on at a party" medley record. I just have no context for how you would play one, or why - was it background, like a Spotify playlist, or a novelty, like a YouTube mashup, or some secret third thing? Would people have gathered round and spotted the different references? Or was it just something pleasant to avoid awkward silences? Was it fun for all the family, or did a certain demographic mostly spring for these? Clearly the title tells us that these were intended for parties, but what kind of parties? Were they ever played in other contexts? I simply have no idea, and I don't even know what I'd look for to find out. If you are somehow reading this and know, genuinely, please get in touch.

Favourite song of the can't-believe-it's-not-Winifred bunch: More Party Pops

[the-thieves-gambit]

Something about the nickname he had come up for her made her beam. It was a unique one, she would give him that. The thought of Orion, Charlie, and Anna living on the island and having Orion have a set group of friends to be around sounded like a great idea. Especially with the way they all got along during Easter and at the center. It was something that she wanted for him, friends but she also accepted that she was not his mother. While she was trusted to look for his best interests, the decisions lay solely on his parents. After the switchblade incident, she thought that Charlie would never want to speak to her again. It did though make her feel nice that Wally would point out the fact that she was valued. So she found herself simply nodding at his words, his pointing out of their trust in her.

And then there was his trust in her. He didn't even know her, not truly. So why was he so willing to let her take Dolly? Guilt crept in, feeling like an imposter, whoever he believed her to be was someone that he could trust. Whoever he believed her to be, she'd like to be her forever. "I don't mind the furball. She and I share a lot in common so I wouldn't mind the company on walks."

Playfully rolling her eyes, "I'm sure you are when you're not talking someone's ear off." The thought of spending more time around his family was something that made her anxious, a part of her wanted to another part of her said that she shouldn't and that it wasn't something meant for her to do. She had only imposed upon their Easter because of Orion, she wouldn't want to impose further again.

"We haven't even finished hanging out today and you already planning luau's and field trips to a penguins exhibit?" A chuckle and a slight shake of her head as she took another sip of her drink. She wanted to say yes, to just be the kind of person who spent time with the man who seemed to actually listen to her and like her company. But she knew she couldn't. She would never be able to get close to anyone without having to hide the truth of who she was. "I'll have to think about it. I have a big case I'm working on right now that I need to do a lot of work on. So let's stick a pin in that for now, the penguins do sound like a thing I need to check out."

Extremes over germs? That made her smirk. "Ah, the people aren't the best, I'll admit it. But I wasn't there for the people so it wasn't bad." Thinking about her time on the boat, she felt her heart twitch a bit but that was another life. Another chapter in her life that she had hoped would have been the ending. An ever after. She hadn't meant for it to slip out, but she had felt so comfortable for a moment there. "It was nice. Not really, but once I was on land, I missed the sea. It's a catch twenty-two." She shook her head at using the pirate thing as a party fact. "Again, it was just a story my dad said, not a fact. It's not like I'd ever been able to figure out if it was real or not. He was a bit of a tall tales man, liked to see the world with mythical and fantastical proportions instead of how it was." A small hint of bitterness sunk in there.

Being this close to Wally didn't feel weird. Physically she hated being so close to people but as she closed the space between them and leaned closer so they could look at her phone together, that same comfort that had snuck in earlier made her say things she would have been better at concealing, snuck in again. It was the same reason she had taken the water from him without thinking twice about the contents of it. She trusted him. "Yeah, it's nice. It's full of shops and things, it reminded me of California, actually. There's a nice cafe in there, oh the bar is a nice place to unwind. Especially at night when the lights are on and ships are going by, but I've only been there like a handful of times."

The fact that it might take that long to cross off all the lighthouses made her frown slightly, looking more like a pout. "And you never mentioned it?" She asked as she looked back up at him with a mock incredulous look on her face. "I'm going to have to rethink this friendship if you keep things like this from me, Wallaby." But then also muttered to herself as she turned her attention back to her phone and zoomed into where the lighthouse would be. "I can't believe I didn't notice it myself actually."

“Ah,” Elizabeth looked up at Wally, about to say some stupid quip about how he wanted to go everywhere. Instead she found herself smiling at the reddening of his cheeks. Something enduring about it, she could see the shy kid that would come here with his aunt as a child. She had to force herself to look away. “So, there’s a lot of places you’d like to see.” Taking another sip from her drink, she decided t pretend to not notice how flustered he become at the thought of all he wanted to see. It was nice to see. “Not nerdy at all. Hearing people talk about things they like, know about or what to know about is a lot better than having someone prat on forever about something they hate. There’s nothing nerdy about learning, ‘an investment in knowledge pays the best interest.’”

Her smile spread as he said he liked lighthouses too. It was silly but she felt like a kid who got told they could have a cookie before dinner. “Yeah, some of them got used, some didn’t, some are cared for and still ran. Others have fallen to disrepair. But to think of the people that used to run them, the boats that saw them in the distance, heard the foghorns and knew that land was near.” She sighed, thinking about the times she spent on the bow of the boat in the dark night, nothing but darkness for miles until suddenly a light would cut through it all. Shrugging she thought it over. “I don’t know, just like them a lot. I guess it is my top one. Maybe even over books but I’ll deny it if you ever tell anyone.”

Finishing off her drink, she smiled. “I’m ready to go when you are, wallaby.” Excitement evident on her face about where they were going. “No rush if you’re not ready yet!” She added hoping she wasn’t being pushy or forcing him to eat faster. “I’m fine with sitting around a bit longer if you need to. How many lighthouses have you seen? Besides their history was there something else that made you like them? Also Alaskas northern lights are nice, but not as nice as Iceland’s.”

The narrowed eyes made him gasp out gleefully. He had just gotten something right. "Playing coy now are you, miss lila." He understood where she was coming from. "That is always the hope. If they lived here he'd go to the Y with my nieces so he'd have friends. Though, I think Annie grew attached to him since the first moment she met him." He hummed as he watched her sit back. "I think they value your opinion," he didn't know for sure but he felt the need to say it. "Wouldn't think they'd let him come all the way to the islands if they didn't trust you or your judgment."

"You sound so surprised. I really wouldn't mind if you take her. There's no catch here just making it clear. If you want to hang out with her go ahead. Might give Lenny a break from dogsitting too. As long as you don't mind the furball." His voice was soft almost like they were whispering. "You say the word and she's yours to take. I'll say new places she loves to sniff around. She's curious like that. Is good with children and other pets too. Strangers she won't bite but people have to ask before they pet her. Sometimes she can get grouchy."

"Maybe one day. I'll have you know I'm a great travel buddy. I need to take you to our luaus." Wally teased as a small little smile overtook his features. "They are the cutest. Not going to dispute that. Speaking of since we're on the topic of penguins. There's a new exhibit coming soon about penguins. Did you want to go? I mean, with me. Go with me?" He heard himself and even that was painful. Give him anything in the world he'd do it. Give him asking someone who he didn't think would ever look his way in a romantic aspect and he turned into that five year old who got tongue tied. Either way it was casual if she busy or didn't want to go then he'd find some time to go with his nieces later on in the year.

Shaking his head he responded no. "You want to laugh don't you? We've never done that. But it's also because there's a bunch of germaphobes in the family and we usually go for extremes. So like, rock climbing, hikes and what we call speed racers. But, laser tag sounds fun. Paint balling uh might have done it once a very long time ago. Talking about it I'm about to tell you let's go."

"We went to Maine once and it was probably the worst experience. The townspeople weren't as nice as they advertised. But we also didn't stay long enough to see any of their lighthouses. That may change if we go." It was said casually like he was talking about the sky being blue. Eyes widened at the tidbit. "You spent a year in a boat? What was that like? Did you miss land?" He chuckled softly and couldn't help but find her even more interesting. "Pirate Elizabeth. Hmm. That's a neat party fact you can bust out at these functions." His mind couldn't help but to think of scenarios where her family line would have been descendants from a blackbeard type. "Cool if it turned out to be true."

Having her so close was intoxicating, he felt drunk. Being so close to her felt like a dream. He made some room for her while his elbows laid on top of the table as his eyes looked down at her phone. There was a moment where he stole a second to look at her features up close. Her nose had that tiny dip that looked like a small heart shape and her eyelashes fanned across her cheeks, her lips looked enticing and subconsciously made him lick his own. He breathed in her sweet scent which couldn't tell if it came from a perfume or her hair. Either way he was a fan. Half of him heard what she was going on about while the other day dreamed what it'd be like in a world where the woman he wanted also wanted him back.

He couldn't help the smile after she said she loved lighthouses. This was something she was sharing with him and gave him an insight into who she was. "You've gone to Aloha Tower? Did you like it?" Wally smiled back and blinked away his inner thoughts. "Realistically we can cross off most of them if not all. It may take a year or two."

"We should go to Lahaina Lighthouse. It's not only close to where we live but also Hawaii's first one. That is easy to knock out first since it's not even a mile away from the house." For all that his Lahaina home was remote and away from the main island, it held tiny treasures like the first lighthouse that graced the island.

"I've always wanted to go to Graceland. You know the one I've always wanted to go to but never gone but there's a Sinister NOLA, it's a true crime and murder mystery tour. There's visiting the Pyramids of Giza, Machu Picchu, Petra, Northern lights in Alaska." He stopped himself and tried to control his semi blush. "Nerdy. I know but I like to learn. And have found these places so interesting. Since I've been in Hawaii, lighthouses have grown on me. Especially considering all the history they come with. I like hearing you talk about them. Are they your favorite topic or top three for sure?"

[songmingisthighs]

Sans

introduction pt. i | pt ii

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ch. lxv - eat well

seonghwa × reader, ?? × reader

A N N O U N C E M E N T

you believed that childhood friends can stick together through thick and thin. you believed that nothing could get between you and your childhood friend, seonghwa. at least you used to think that before things changed.

Despite not being hungry, you know you'll get sick later. So against your better judgement, you ordered food in. Because let's face it, the stress of dealing with betrayal can do A LOT to your health. The last thing you want is for your health to decrease along with your sanity.

When the intercom alerted that your food has arrived, you immediately slipped away to go get it. As you got out, your eyes trailed and stopped at Mingi and Jongho's apartment. You felt bad for being mad at Mingi for what he has done and you felt bad that because of what happened, you hadn't seen him in a while.

Usually, you'd spend breakfast together before everyone went out, something you used to do back in your house with your mom. Now living out of your parent's place, you wanted to establish some tradition with people who you love. Never have you imagined that Mingi would be exempted.

But as Wooyoung said, what he did was bad and it was inconsiderate. He had to remind you that you can feel bad for being mad at someone, but you shouldn't excuse the other person's behaviour. Looking back, you could have kicked Seonghwa and Hongjoong out but you knew how important Hongjoong is to Mingi and you didn't want to jeopardize their relationship.

Unbeknownst to you, Mingi had slowly distanced himself from Hongjoong because he finally saw first-hand what he's actually like. He couldn't believe it at first. But more than anything, he should've just listened to you, trust you and also the others who were aware. If Yunho and Yeosang turned their backs on Hongjoong and Seonghwa, then they truly must be one of the worst friends ever.

Exiting the elevator, you immediately walk towards the front desk, where people usually drop packages or deliveries for the tenants.

The security guard saw you and grinned widely, "hello miss (y/n), fine evening," he greeted. You couldn't help but smile back at him, the kind-looking middle-aged man seemed to be able to break your gloomy walls for a bit. "Quite, I'd say. Is my delivery here?" You asked, getting to your tippy toes to peek over the rather large and tall desk. "Yes, I have both right here," he said as he reached behind him and pulled a bag with the restaurant where you ordered the food's logo, and what seemed like a cake box.

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that's mine. I didn't order that," you told him. He raised an eyebrow in confusion as well, "Well, I'm not quite sure but that gentleman over there dropped this at the same time your food did," he said as he pointed outside of the apartment building towards someone.

Following his direction, your eyes trained and finally stopped at the image of your former best friend, standing slightly far away. His eyes widened when your eyes met his. You both stood there in silence, not really knowing how to react to the situation. You don't know why he was there and why he had dropped your food.

Taking initiative, Seonghwa motioned for you to take a look at the box that he dropped off. Curious, you did as he told and your eyes immediately widened in surprise.

There, in the box, was a slice of cake that you both had deemed the "I'm sorry" cake. You had forgotten all about it and you couldn't believe that Seonghwa actually remembered.

It began when you were children, having fought because of a disagreement over a project. Your parents brought you to this little family-owned bakery a little further from where you lived and made you and Seonghwa share that cake. You remembered how soft the texture was, how sweet it was, and how you both cried as you both took bites, having missed each other so much due to not speaking to each other for almost two weeks. From then on when both of you fought, either one of you would bring the cake to share together as an apology.

You looked up to Seonghwa, surprised. He bit his bottom lip but he held his stare in anticipation of your reaction.

Before you realized it, you had taken a few steps forward to the adjacent front door.

"You know, some people grew out of their sweet tooth as they grew older," you spoke loudly to him. He grinned sheepishly and shrugged, "I know. But not everyone grew out of their memories. I know you're not like that, (y/n)," he replied.

You let out a sigh and shook your head at him. Not really knowing what else to say, you simply close the box and held it tightly close to you. "Thanks for the cake, Seonghwa," you told him, the corner of your lips threatening to tug upwards into a smile. Seeing this, Seonghwa grinned widely, glad that his olive branch was accepted.

Thinking that you should head back, you offered Seonghwa a tiny wave and turn around before you could see him waving back a little more enthusiastically than you.

You grabbed your dinner, thank the security guard and bolt back towards your apartment as quickly as you can.

For some reason, your eyes kept focusing back on the cake and suddenly you felt a tug in your chest. The cake definitely doesn't erase everything that he had done or said to you, you know that. But compared to when he texted you after he found out that you went out with Yunho and Yeosang, this was definitely a massive improvement.

A small step, sure. But honestly, you're just glad that he's willing to try with his own way and that he's actually taking a step.

taglist :

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[hannahhasnofriends]

happier | dream

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

summary: based off the song happier by olivia rodrigo!

pairing: dream x reader

warnings: angst, break ups, this is just fucking sad lmao, real names are used (srry not srry)

word count: 1.2k

a/n: i love olivia rodrigos new album i literally have not listened to anything else since it came out omfg😎 also i think i like this fic?? idk gimme some thoughts n feedback :)

We broke up a month ago Your friends are mine, you know I know You've moved on, found someone new One more girl who brings out the better in you And I thought my heart was detached From all the sunlight of our past But she's so sweet, she's so pretty Does she mean you forgot about me?

"Hey guys! I've missed you all so much." I hug Sapnap tightly and move on to the next person I was greeting.

A "reunion" we were calling it, it'd been a year since the SMP ended and everyone wanted to get into touch again. It was bittersweet seeing everyone , it seemed like we'd grown up so much since then. Hell, I know I have.

"Hey darling, " I turn and see Niki, I missed her so much. We were the first female streamers on the SMP, she'd been my best friend. "How are you?"

"I'm good, really." I could see the sympathy in her eyes. I pretended not to notice when everyone did a double take when I walked into the room, they really thought I wasn't going to come today.

"That's good, I've missed you." She had a tight smile on her face. "You know he's coming today, right?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, I knew someone was going to ask. It was fine, I had prepared myself for the questions and stares. It'd been 6 months, half a year, 6 damn full moons since we'd ended. We share the same friends, it was hard knowing they were going to pick sides, we both knew it wasn't going to be mine.

"Clay? Yeah, I know. Don't worry, we've both moved on. We're adults and I don't need to hide from him. We're friends!" I was lying through my fucking teeth. I saw his instagram posts, the subtweets, and everything else that had her named burned into it.

"Ok, I just wanted to check in. I know we all took the erm- break-up pretty hard." Her eyes avoided mine but I know she truly meant well by everything she was saying. "Anyway, I'm going to say hi to a few others. I really want us to talk more, ok?"

She squeezed my arm as she was walking off, I nodded my head even though I probably wouldn't be able to bring myself to message her after this.

I took a deep breath and eyed my other company. I was sticking out like a sore thumb, everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. Honestly, it'd probably be best to make a cowardly dash before he showed up.

Just as I'd made up my mind, I saw it. The main doors opened and there they were. Well. Too damn late for that.

He was as tall and gorgeous as he was 6 months ago and she was stunningly perched on his arm. The worst part wasn't how goddamn good they looked, it was how you could just tell they were right. You could simply glance in their direction and tell she was nice and kind and he was completely devoted to her.

Oh, I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

Just like that, all the air in the room had been sucked out. I was doomed.

As he made his way around the room, his eyes finally found mine. His smile faltered and I could tell he was taken aback. I averted my eyes quickly, this was so stupid.

“Y/n! Hi!” I jumped as I heard his voice, sneaky little bastard. I forced my best smile on my face as I turned to face them. She was standing next to him, still arm in arm but she stayed silent.

“Hey! How’s it going.” I pressed my lips together, he seemed so… ok? His eyes no longer had those dark circles and the cuts on his knuckles look healed.

“I’m good! How about you?” He tilts his head, curious.

“I’m doing good, too. Pretty busy, but you know.” I nodded along to what I said, it wasn’t a complete lie.

Abruptly, she clears her throat and side eyes Clay, obviously wanting something. “Oh, right! This is Grace.”

“Hi, I’ve heard great things about you.” She smiles so warmly, she seems so great. I could feel the jealously sinking into my skin, it was suffocating.

“Hello, it’s really nice to meet you.” This time I really was lying. But I couldn’t tell her the truth. How I couldn’t let her boyfriend go.

And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean Remember when I believed You meant it when you said it first to me? And now I'm pickin' her apart Like cuttin' her down will make you miss my wretched heart But she's beautiful, she looks kind She probably gives you butterflies

She kept up the small talk with me. I learned she was an artist and slightly older than him. She taught art to kids on the weekends and her parents were still married. She even volunteered to help me move.

I noticed the rings she wore and thought about whether he gave them to her. If he gave her the same gifts he gave me. Maybe she knew too. Maybe she knew he took her to the same places we went. Did the same things, laughed at the same jokes. I hope she did.

But the conversation continued, and I kept searching for a flaw. Something to make him realize she wasn’t meant for him. Something I could point out and have my aha moment.

But she was perfect. And I had nothing that would make him pick me instead of her.

I wish you all the best, really Say you love her, baby Just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on her I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

The music picked up again and they excused themselves to the dance floor. It was a sappy, corny love song. It fit them perfectly. I could see him whisper in her ear and rock her back forth to the beat. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

As they swayed, I was hoping he was thinking of me. I hoped he would drop her right then and there and grab my hand and lead me out of this mess. I hoped he would lock eyes with me and pretend none of this happened. I hoped they weren't as happy as they looked.

I hope you're happy Just not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

As I watched them, I swear every memory we shared came fleeting into my mind. Every smile, every laugh, every fight, everything. The way he’d let me wear his sunglasses in the car and the time we danced in the rain and we’re sick for days after.

As I watched them I wondered wether they were truly happy together. If he was in love, if he loved her more than he loved me. If he ever thought of me when he was with her.

I wonder if he watched me as I left.