#listening is also getting ever so slightly better I'd like to believe :')

[misskamelie]

Decided to believe my listening comprehension is improving by being able to somewhat follow a radio podcast on a topic I know something about

[stevie-petey]

episode three: holly, jolly

Jonathan, your Jonathan, would never do this.  He tries to approach you again but you find yourself stumbling back, knocking against Steve’s chest. Hurt flashes in his eyes, you’ve never flinched at Jonathan’s touch, but what he did has changed everything.  Steve places a hand on your shoulder. “See, you can tell that he knows it was wrong, but that’s the thing about perverts. It’s hard-wired into them. They just can’t help themselves.”  He begins tearing up the pictures, and you can’t believe Jonathan of all people is making you agree with Harrington, yet here you are.

Summary: you and jonathan talk it out and things are better (spoiler alert: they aren't), you somehow end up agreeing with steve harrington ?? then you have a minor breakdown in front of the kids and once again fail to prevent them from experiencing more trauma.

Rating: general, slight cursing.

Warnings: cursing, use of the word “slut”, fem!reader, use of y/n, and description of a dead body. this chapter is pure angst, steve is steve, jonathan is jonathan, and... well. we know how this episode ends.

Words: 6.2k

Before you swing in: hello ! i'm currently in the early stages of chapter 5, and it's a loooong chapter, so i figured i'd treat y'all to this one before taking my time with updating. this chapter was a bit difficult in terms of bug and jonathan, but i promise that they'll have more time later to really figure out why they keep clashing - for better or for worse lol. if their relationship feels stilted: that's why ! after all, season 1 is literally titled: we don't talk about it or have the time. the title has immense meaning for the overall tone of season 1 (and the song for the series shhh). anyways, enjoy <3

-

The next day you bike to school alone, not bothering to see if Jonathan’s car will pick you up as usual. 

The two of you have never fought before, at least not like this. From the moment you met him when you were twelve, there has never been a time where the two of you haven’t been on the same page. You’ve been in sync from the moment you met. 

Now it feels like everything is off between the two of you. It feels as if the tiny planet you live on is now off kilter, angled ever so slightly now, rotating out of sync. The change is almost imperceptible, but it’s there. You can feel it. 

Last night just proved that there’s something wrong with your relationship with Jonathan, but you can’t figure out what.

Jonathan has never yelled at you before, and you’ve never turned your back on him; then again, he’s also never kept anything from you. While he didn’t admit it last night, you know him. He was hiding something from you last night and it frightens you that he seems too ashamed to tell you what it is. 

You trust him, you do, but the guilt you saw in his eyes makes you uneasy. 

As you walk the school hallway towards your locker, you overhear some girls from your English class talking about Steve and Nancy. You normally wouldn’t eavesdrop on such a conversation, but the girls were talking obnoxiously loud and by the tone of their voice, they weren’t being kind about what they were saying. 

“I heard Harrington got little Miss Wheeler to sleep with him.” One of the girls giggles, looking around to make sure no one is listening.  

“What a slut!” Her friend sneers.

You clear your throat loudly, making sure they hear it, and send a glare their way. “Well, aren’t you guys just peachy?” 

The girls lower their eyes and shift uncomfortably, which pleases you. Good. They should feel bad. What does it matter if Nancy slept with Harrington? It’s always the girls who get labeled the slut, never the man who has slept with more girls than classes he’s passed. 

Typical. 

You roll your eyes at them and continue towards your locker, spotting the couple in question up ahead. Your locker is a few down from Nancy’s and usually you’ve been able to avoid their gross lovey-dovey sessions in the mornings since Jonathan is always running late, but since you didn’t ride with him, you’re forced to deal with two hormonal teens who you don’t necessarily like. 

“Hey, Henderson!” 

Steve stops you as you walk past, causing you to look up in confusion. “Yeah?” 

“How’s Byers doing? Ya know, with everything going on?”

You stare at him, trying to figure out what the punchline is supposed to be. Steve may not be a massive dick, but he’s still a dick, and you can’t imagine he’d ever ask about Jonathan given the fact that he can’t even remember Will’s name. 

“He’s… dealing.” You say, uncomfortable with the entire conversation. 

Steve nods, letting out a slight hum. “Well, tell your guy that any friend of Henderson’s is a friend of mine.” He sends a wink Nancy’s way, and it’s then that you figure out what he’s doing. He’s playing the nice guy card, trying to impress her with his “generosity”, and you’ve had enough of idiotic and emotionally constipated men these last 24 hours. 

“Funny, I don’t tell my friends to get fucked, yet here we are: get fucked, Harrington.” Steve’s eyes widen at your words, taken aback, and Nancy goes to say something but you cut her off. “You sure know how to pick ‘em, Nancy. Why don’t you ask him why everyone’s staring at you? I’m sure it’ll be a thrilling conversation.”

You shove past the two of them and make your way to class. 

– 

You don’t see Jonathan for your next three classes, which only makes your shitty day worse. Not only have you guys never fought before, but you’ve never done the silent treatment either. As far as you can tell, there’s no reason for him not to be in class today besides your fight the night before. 

When it’s your lunch hour you try to find him, because at this point you just want to put it all behind you and move on to focus on Will. You never got the chance to tell Jonathan about El last night, you hadn’t had the time to before things blew up. 

You wait at your usual corner of the lunchroom for Jonathan, but he never appears. You sigh in defeat and pick at your meal, which honestly looks more like prison food than anything else, trying to figure out what you should do next. 

While you’re thinking, Carol’s obnoxious moans carry through the lunchroom. “Oh, Steve! Steeeve!”

Tommy joins in now, banging the table to get a bigger reaction. You see Steve trying not to smile at their antics, but it’s obvious to everyone how uncomfortable Nancy is. You feel pity for her, she deserves better than Harrington and his immature friends. Then again, you suppose she chose this for herself the second she started dating him. 

King Steve has never hidden who he is. 

You watch as Steve says something to appease her, but something catches Nancy’s eye and she turns to face it. Curious, you turn as well and spot Jonathan staring right back at her. They share a look, one that you can’t decipher, and you feel something twist within your stomach. 

It’s not jealousy, at least, not in that way. Jonathan is your only real friend in Hawkins (the kids don’t count, you recognize how embarrassing that is), and you’ve never had to share him before. Clearly Nancy has taken an interest in him of some sort and Jonathan, being ever the private person, has allowed her to, so you just have to swallow down your pride and accept it. 

Besides, you did always tell Jonathan that the two of you needed more friends. 

Taking a deep breath to will your nerves away, you ditch your lunch and follow after Jonathan. Screw whatever silent treatment is in place, he’s your best friend and you honestly don’t think it’s possible for you to ever be angry at him. It just isn’t in your nature. 

For better or for worse, you could never hate Jonathan Byers. 

You catch Jonathan as he’s leaving the photo developing room. He’s holding some pictures in his hands but quickly hides them away when he sees you. 

“Y/N, hi.” 

You ignore the voice in the back of your head telling you that something’s wrong, that he’s still acting weird with you, but you ignore it because you just want some normalcy in your life. You need your best friend. “Hey,”

“Look, I’m so sorry for what I said last night…” 

You brush him off, “It’s okay, I promise.”

Jonathan huffs at you, exasperated as always whenever you let people get away with things that they shouldn’t. “No, it’s not okay. You’ve been nothing short of amazing and I was the dick who yelled at you for it.” 

The two of you are walking out of the school as you talk, and you let out a weak laugh. “I guess you were pretty awful, huh?”

He doesn’t laugh along with you, instead shaking his head in shame. “You didn’t deserve that, not after all you’ve done for me and my mom. I was lying through my teeth last night, you are family, Y/N.” 

“I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s genuinely okay-” 

“Bug, I was a dick. End of discussion. I just… sometimes it feels like I don’t deserve your help, you do so much for us. I let it get to me last night, and I’ll never stop apologizing for it.”

You don’t know what to say, caught off guard by the vulnerability. “Just… don’t do that again, alright? If something is bothering you I’d rather you tell me about it than take your frustration out on me.”

“Deal.”

“Anything else on your mind?” 

Jonathan thinks for a moment and you can tell he’s trying to word whatever is on his mind correctly. “While I know you’ve always loved to help, there’s some things that I have to do on my own, okay? Will, my mom… they’re my responsibility, not yours. I mean, not in a bad way-” 

“Hey, I understand. I need to back off a bit, I recognize that now. I’m sorry, bee.” You kick at a rock in the parking lot, “so we’ve got ourselves a deal?” 

The boy gives you a quizzical look and you laugh at him, extending your hand. When he grabs it, you turn the hold into a handshake. “I’ll calm down my fretting antics and you’ll come to me about whatever is on your mind, no matter what; we don’t hide anything from each other.”

The slight smile Jonathan briefly had on his face vanishes. He pales slightly and quickly releases your hand. “Right.” 

You eye him. “Bee, what aren’t you telling me?”

Caught up in conversation, you and Jonathan don’t see Steve and his gang resting against his car until it’s too late. 

“Hey, man.” Steve approaches, effectively ending your conversation with Jonathan. He glances at you. “Henderson, good to see you again.” 

“I highly doubt it.” 

“What’s going on?” Jonathan asks, putting himself between you and Steve. 

“Nicole here was telling us about your work.”  

Confused, you look at Jonathan. “What, did you start another photo series or something?” 

Steve laughs coldly. “You could say that.” 

Jonathan ignores him and pulls you close behind him, ducking his head down to whisper into your ear, “it’s not what it looks like, trust me.” 

“Bee, what-”

“Henderson, want to take a look with us as, you know, connoisseurs of art?” 

You look at Steve now, more confused than ever, but you feel a slight sense of dread. You know that whatever photo he’s about to pull out will be bad. You know it’ll be connected to Jonathan’s behavior last night, to the guilt he’s been carrying, to the way he hid the same pictures from you not even ten minutes ago. 

You look back to Jonathan now, silently pleading with him for more of an explanation, but he averts his eyes. Exhaling deeply, you face Steve. “Show me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jonathan says, trying to walk away, but Tommy grabs at his backpack. 

“Hey!” You run up to Tommy and start pulling at the bag, but the guy is twice your size and easily wins, accidentally flinging you to the ground. 

Jonathan runs over to check on you. “Y/N!”

At the same time, Steve berates his friend. “Woah, Tommy, easy man! Henderson isn’t who we’re here for, leave her out of this.” 

Both boys crouch next to you and offer you a hand, but you bat them away. You’re irritated and confused and pissed the fuck off at both of them right now for vastly different reasons. You pick yourself up and brush away some dirt that got on your jeans. “Show me the photos, Jonathan.” 

He looks at you, hurt. “Do you not trust me?” 

“Do you trust me?” Your words hang in the air.

Steve is now right behind you. “Oh man he’s like, totally trembling. He must really have something to hide.” 

Jonathan tries to step closer to you, but Steve is now the one who blocks him. You watch silently as he unzips Jonathan’s bag and pulls out the photos, ignoring the pleading look that your friend sends your way. You trust Jonathan more than anyone else in this world, but something doesn’t feel right. 

The photos are tame at first, though admittedly creepy. They’re all still shots of Steve and his friends from the night before, you recognize the famous pool that the whole school talks about when it comes to Harrington’s parties. 

“Your boyfriend is a creep, Y/N.” Steve says, nudging you with his shoulder as he continues to flick through the pictures. 

“He isn’t my-” 

“I was looking for my brother.”

Jonathan’s words make you freeze. “You went looking for Will without me?” 

Steve says something else, but you don’t catch it. You stare at Jonathan, hurt that he’d search for Will without even telling you first. He’s his brother, you understand that, but what would you do if Jonathan went missing too?

Nancy then appears, causing Jonathan to finally look up to catch your eye, but he quickly looks away. “Here’s the starring lady!”

She laughs nervously. “What?”

Carol explains what was going on, and you’re too upset to speak. There’s too many thoughts going through your mind, but when Carol flashes you a picture of Nancy, naked, it takes everything in you not to throw up. 

Jonathan, your Jonathan, would never do this. 

He tries to approach you again but you find yourself stumbling back, knocking against Steve’s chest. Hurt flashes in his eyes, you’ve never flinched at Jonathan’s touch, but what he did has changed everything. 

Steve places a hand on your shoulder. “See, you can tell that he knows it was wrong, but that’s the thing about perverts. It’s hard-wired into them. They just can’t help themselves.” 

He begins tearing up the pictures, and you can’t believe Jonathan of all people is making you agree with Harrington, yet here you are. 

Nancy is his girlfriend, and even outside of that, Jonathan had no right taking pictures of her naked without her consent. You agree with Steve’s actions, but then the camera comes into play. He reaches for Jonathan’s camera, causing him to dive forward to stop anything from happening to it, and it’s finally what breaks you from your shock. 

You react as well, shoving past Steve to try and get to the camera first, but it’s no use. He beats you to it, Carol now holding you back as she digs her claws into your skin. Jonathan is being held back by Tommy, and all the two of you can do is watch helplessly as Steve dangles the camera high in the air. 

What Jonathan did was wrong, there’s no denying that, but you know how long it took him to save up for the thing. How many awful shifts he picked up at the theater to pay for it, adamantly refusing any money both you and Joyce offered him to help pay for it. 

This camera was his and his alone. Paid for with his own money, bought for his own enjoyment, his pride and joy. 

“Here you go, man.” Without even hesitating, Steve lets the camera fall to the ground. 

You gasp, watching as the lens shatters and you crouch down to try and piece it back together. Your hands are shaking, you don’t know what to feel right now, but with how badly your hands shake, it’s no use trying to fix the camera; you need something to distract yourself with. 

Jonathan and Nancy join you on the ground, but you’re too overwhelmed to really notice them. The combination of emotions leaves you wondering if you’re about to cry, throw up, or both. It’s only when Nancy begins snatching up the torn pictures that you acknowledge her presence. 

You grab her hand and catch her eye, “I’m so, so sorry.”

She doesn’t respond, only giving you a slightly confused look, and you recognize how stupid it is that you feel the need to apologize for Jonathan’s actions. You aren’t his keeper, and until now you never even considered he’d do something like this, and yet the guilt creeps in. You open your mouth to say something else, but Steve calls her over to join them and she leaves. 

Jonathan is still next to you, remaining silent even after Nancy’s departure. You can feel his eyes on you as you continue to fumble with the broken camera pieces as a gust of wind blows away the remaining photo shreds. 

“Shit!” A shard of glass from the lens cuts your finger, drawing blood. 

“Bug, let me-” Jonathan grabs at your hand to inspect the cut, but you pull away harshly. 

“Don’t touch me!” 

“Y/N…” The hurt look on his face is almost enough to make you crack, but the blood drips from your finger and falls onto a picture that somehow didn’t blow away. You look at it, seeing the outline of Nancy’s back in the photo, her beautiful side profile perfectly captured. 

The urge to throw up returns. 

“You’re hurt, let me look at it.” Jonathan pleads, his voice soft, with more empathy than he’s ever shown you these last few days. It’s as if last night never happened. As if you’re some idiot who is always ready and willing to come crawling back to those who discard you whenever they please. 

In a way, you suppose that you are. 

You hate it. 

Jonathan tries to grab your hand again but you stand up before he can. “I said don’t touch me.” 

He tries to grab you once more but again you pull away. Your brain is a mess right now trying to comprehend everything that happened within the last fifteen minutes. You look down at the broken camera pieces still laying on the ground, its glass reflecting in the late afternoon light. 

Those photos of Nancy… 

God, you’re an idiot. 

“Nancy is the reason you were such an asshole to me last night, isn’t she?”

“Y/N, those photos-”

“You knew that the second I looked at you I’d know you’d done something terrible.”

Jonathan is silent beside you, but you don’t need to hear whatever excuse he’ll give you to know that you’re right. Instead of telling you what he did last night, he kicked you out of his home in a guilt-crazed daze, saying horrible things to you that he can never take back. 

Instead of being honest with you, he had been a goddamn coward who hurt you in the cruelest way possible. 

Jonathan runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Look, you know I’ve never been able to lie to you-”

“So naturally you resorted to screaming at me and saying we aren’t family-”

“I regret what I said, but how was I supposed to tell you about the photos if I don’t even know why I took them in the first place?” 

You start pacing around the parking lot, too overwhelmed to stay put. Jonathan’s words only confuse and upset you more. In the midst of your frantic pacing the cut on your finger begins to bleed more, which causes you to wince and catch Jonathan’s attention.

“Bug, you’re in pain,” his voice is gentle now, the worried crease between his brows now prominent in a way that you’ve always found cute. “I’m not just going to stand around while you’re hurt. Let me help.” 

Unfortunately for Jonathan, his words only piss you off more. 

“You’re not just going to stand around while I’m hurt? That’s fucking rich coming from you, Jonathan.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“This entire week I’ve been hurting! I mean,” you let out a laugh laced with tears threatening to spill out. “I lost Will too, did you ever consider that? And I understand he’s your brother and I would lose my mind if anything ever happened to Dustin, but I’ve done nothing but love and support you through this shit show and you haven’t even asked how I’m holding up. I mean, what kind of best friend does that?”

Shame washes over Jonathan. “I didn’t think-” 

“I’ve been exhausting myself trying to help and not once have I considered it a burden because I’m doing this for Will, for you. I’m doing what any decent person is supposed to do, and I’m not asking for praise or-or for a reward but holy fuck, Jonathan! I mean, I understand now that maybe I was bit too much but,”

You’re yelling at him now, all the frustration you’ve been swallowing down these last few days now spills out. “At least treat me like a human being! I mean, the stunt you pulled last night was such bullshit and I was ready to excuse your actions because you’re my best friend and you’re hurting, but then you hide those damn photos from me? Scream at me like I’m some pathetic fucking child because you’re too ashamed of your own actions? We don’t lie to each other.”

Jonathan steps towards you and it isn’t until he’s cradling your head in his hands to wipe away your tears do you realize you’re crying. He’s so tender, gently wiping the tears as they fall, and you feel weak against him, closing your eyes as you soak up the affection. 

“Bug…” His voice cracks, not knowing what else to say. 

You open your eyes now. “You went looking for Will without me… did you even think about what your mom would do if you disappeared too? What I would do if you disappeared?”

“I…”

“And Nancy…” you pull away so that he’s no longer touching you. “That was a line I never thought you would cross. And to lie to me about it, I just… why?”

Jonathan shakes his head, a few tears of his own now beginning to fall. “I don’t know.” 

There’s nothing else you can say; you’ve drained all your energy. A headache is beginning to form and with the parking lot clearing out, indicating the end of the school day, you know you need to leave for work soon. 

Normally when you look at Jonathan, you feel a sense of security, but now all you feel is dread. His shoulders are hunched, the bags under his eyes darker than ever, and at this moment you’re not sure you know who he is anymore. It terrifies the shit out of you. 

“I should go,” you wipe your nose with your sleeve, side stepping Jonathan as you start walking towards the bike stand. 

“You’re leaving?” There’s fear in his voice, and you can hear the undertones of are you leaving me, too?

“I have to work tonight, so I need to-” 

“Let me drive you then, it’s cold and-and we can talk more about this-”

He follows you to your bike and you feel such pity for him. You know he’s right about needing to talk more, but all you want right now is to crawl into bed and pretend that this whole week has been a dream. A horrible, awful dream. 

You offer Jonathan your hand, the cut on your finger no longer bleeding, and intertwine your fingers with his. “I want to be alone right now, okay? Please, just give me some time.” 

He wants to argue with you, you can see it in his eyes, but just like you know him better than anyone else, he knows you just as well. He knows there’s no use trying to change your mind when you get like this; when the feelings become too much and solitude is your only solution. It's happened before in the past, but never with him. 

All he can do is wait for you to come back when you're ready. 

“Okay, I can do that.” 

You squeeze his hand, like you always do, before you let go and bike away. 

He watches as you leave. 

– 

Tonight’s shift is another slow one, which you’re grateful for. 

It was just last week that Jonathan had been driving you, Will, and Dustin to school. You’d been singing some song on the radio and the November air had a slight nostalgia of August warmth. Will and Dustin complained about your singing as you wailed on, Jonathan eventually joining in so that the two younger boys could only cover their ears with their hands and groan in annoyance. 

Now Will is gone, taking the August warmth with him and leaving behind only November cold that leaves your bones feeling raw. 

The laughter is gone, and now you’re afraid that your best friend is gone as well. 

You come home to an empty house, a note on the kitchen counter informing you that your mother is at her knitting club and that Dustin is off with his friends. 

Wonderful. Your brother has once again gone off on some adventure without informing you first. What a lovely addition to your already horrible day. 

You call the Wheeler’s first, hoping that maybe you don’t have to bike around the entire town to find the little shit, but like always: you’re mistaken. 

“I’m sorry, but the boys went out biking right after school.” 

“Oh, lovely then. Thanks, Mrs. Wheeler, have a good night.” 

“You too, dear!”

As soon as you hang up, you allow yourself a moment to just scream. The headache that formed during your fight with Jonathan hasn’t left, you’re tired, you have so much homework that you’re too afraid to even look at, and you still have no idea who El is or what she really knows about Will. 

And now you have to bike all around Hawkins to find said girl, because there’s no way the morons have listened to your orders to stay put with her. 

You check Lucas’ house first, but Erica tells you that they aren’t there and requests that you inform Lucas that her lying fee has been raised to $5. 

“That’s a bit steep, don’t you think?”

“Do you wanna pay?”

“Good point, have a good night then Erica.”

You then search around the middle school, but there’s no sign of them anywhere. After another thirty minutes of nothing, you finally give in to your hunch and bike to the Byers. You’re not sure if Jonathan will be home, but your idiot brother may need you, so you just have to suck it up and check. 

Ultimately you’re glad you do, because as you ride up the driveway you see the boys circling around El. 

“Why did you bring us here?” 

“I have a better question Mike, why did you bring us here?” None of the kids had noticed your arrival, so they all jump at your voice. 

Dustin’s face goes pale. “Y/N! What-what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been looking for you little assholes for an hour now,” you park your bike and step closer to the kids. “Why do you never listen to me when I tell you guys to keep me updated, huh? Do I have a giant sign on my head that says ‘hey, ignore me and treat me like utter shit!’, is that it?” 

No one responds, too stunned by your words. You never cuss at them, and apart from last night, they don’t think they’ve ever seen you so angry before. 

“I’m just so sick and tired of people treating me like I’m some throwaway toy, just casting me aside and forgetting about me until it’s convenient. I have feelings too, isn’t that a wild concept? I mean, who knew Y/N Henderson had any real emotions behind her pathetic need to help everyone around her!” 

Dustin can hear the hurt in your voice and knows that this isn’t just about them sneaking off. You’re upset about something else, someone hurt you and he needs to know who, so he softly asks, “Y/N, what happened?” 

You spin around to face him. “Nothing! That’s what happened! None of you told me anything, everyone has just decided to keep me out of the loop because god forbid I deserve any honesty after years of being there for you guys-”

“Okay, this is definitely about Jonathan then.” Lucas mumbles, which Mike nods in agreement to. 

“This is not about Jonathan-” The sound of sirens cuts you off. 

Everyone freezes, and your heart stops. This is Hawkins, where nothing ever happens; cops don’t just go flying down the street late at night. 

You know, even before you can fully comprehend how, that it’s Will. You can feel it; the sirens are for him, the precious boy you’ve come to love like your own brother. 

Then, to confirm your fears, an ambulance follows behind the line of cop cars, and you feel your entire world shatter.  

“Will…” Mike exhales, and the second the name leaves his lips everyone scrambles for their bikes to follow the cars. 

You know you shouldn’t, you know this won’t end well, but it’s Will. Maybe he’s alive, maybe he simply got lost in the woods and has been wandering around the last three days or so. There’s so many other possibilities, an endless array of explanations, and yet…

Your legs feel heavy as you pedal after the kids. You know that, no matter what you guys end up finding, that nothing will ever be the same again. As you follow, the route you take begins to look familiar, back when you and Jonathan would spend your summers exploring the forest and its surroundings. 

The quarry. 

Suddenly you can’t breathe. “I… I can’t-” 

“Y/N, we have to see if it’s Will!” Dustin calls behind him, too eager to realize exactly where you guys are going. 

If you could just warn them, maybe speed up to block their paths, you could convince them to turn around, but it’s too late. The five of you arrive at the quarry’s edge and toss your bikes behind the fire truck. You see the firemen in the water, sloshing around for something, and you realize what they’re doing a second too late.

Immediately you begin to pull the kids away, not wanting them to see what you desperately hope you’re wrong about, but you’re too late. “Guys, get away from the truck, we shouldn’t be here-”

You’re always too fucking late. 

“Please, we need to leave,” your voice shakes as you try to shield the kids from the sight of Will’s body being pulled from the water.

Mike pulls away from you. “No, it’s not Will. It can’t be.” 

“Mike…” 

The firemen lift the raft up higher and the light lands on Will’s lifeless body, and you feel a piece of you die. He’s always been the smallest of the boys, but as the men lift his dead body out of the water, he’s never looked so small. Will is gone; he’s taken all the light with him. 

Dustin reaches for your hand and is the first to start crying. You pull him into your chest as he sobs. Lucas looks over at you, a silent acceptance in his eyes. “It’s Will. It’s really Will.” 

You grab the boy and pull him into you as well, the two of them now crying as you hold them. All you can do right is hold your boys, staring off into space as you feel them shake with grief against you. This isn’t real. 

From the corner of your eye you see El approaching Mike, and you’re too numb to warn her against it. “Mike…” 

“‘Mike’? ‘Mike,’ what?” He slaps her hand away, which causes you to become alert. He’s hurting, you know Mike loved Will more than anyone else, but he’ll only hurt himself more if he pushes everyone away. 

“Mike, I know you’re upset-” 

He faces you, a betrayed look in his eyes. “Upset? She was supposed to help us find him alive. She said he was alive!” he turns to El now, “why did you lie to us? What’s wrong with you?”

As he yells at the girl you hear his own tears beginning to form, and as you hold his friends, you lean closer to Mike and use your other hand to console him, but he begins to run away. 

Dustin and Lucas watch helplessly as their friend leaves, you all call after him but are ignored. They beg him to stay, too scared to be separated once more now that Will is gone, but Mike doesn’t listen. He grabs his bike, leaving you and the boys alone with El. 

She looks at you, tears in her eyes and a pleading look on her face. She’s looking to you for reassurance, to console her and tell her that everything will be okay with Mike, that he’ll forgive her, but you can’t. 

You also feel betrayed by the girl. You don’t think she was lying, in a sense, but then how can she explain Will’s dead body 50 feet away? El promised you and the boys that Will was alive, but he’s not. 

Tears start to fall down her face. “Y/N?”

You’re sure that when you look back on this moment later, you will have wished that you had done something braver, something more kind to the terrified girl, but you don’t. Instead of wrapping her into your arms alongside Lucas and Dustin, you give El a curt shake of your head, dismissing her. 

It hurts to watch her leave, and you’re ashamed of yourself, but then Dustin lets out another sob while Lucas tightens his hold around you, and you know that you’ve made the right choice for now. You don’t know El or her intentions, but her actions have hurt the people you love the most, and right now you have to put them first. 

You let the boys cry, barely registering anything else. 

– 

Later, much later, after getting Lucas home and tucking Dustin into bed, you finally allow yourself to grieve. You lay in your bed, staring at the framed drawing on your desk that Will had made you for your birthday this year. It was a sweet gift, having drawn you as a princess in one of their DnD campaigns with your sword and shield. Jonathan stands next to you in the picture, holding his own sword and wearing a crown, while Will and the boys are next to him, dressed in their own armor. 

In the picture the six of you are facing a dragon, but there’s a smile on all of your faces as you fight the creature together. You, Jonathan, and your boys; together, there’s nothing that you guys cannot defeat.

It’s your favorite drawing of Will’s. 

And now it’s your last drawing from him. 

The tears come slowly at first, then all at once. You find yourself hunched over, letting out anguished sobs as you mourn for the boy, for Jonathan and Joyce, for your brother and his friends. You mourn for the Byers losing a child, a brother. You mourn for your brother’s now tainted childhood. He’s too young, they all are too young to be experiencing such a loss. 

Will was too young. 

You cry until there’s nothing left within you, and yet the sobs still wrack against your body long after the tears have dried up. It’s a pain like no else. 

Then, as you’re finally beginning to calm down, you hear a knock at your window. 

You get up and fling your curtain open to find Jonathan on the other side. 

Neither of you say anything as you open the window and let him in. Once he’s inside the two of you face each other, unmoving and silent for what feels like years. There’s still a tension there from earlier, though this afternoon feels like decades ago. Jonathan stares at you, a guarded and unsure look on his face, as though he’s afraid that if he breaks in front of you that you’ll push him away. 

Instead, you surprise him by throwing yourself against his chest and into his arms. 

You’re not sure who begins to cry first, but it doesn’t matter. His cries only make you cry harder, having never seen your best friend this heartbroken before, and it’s all so fucking unfair. He doesn’t deserve this, no one does, but especially not Jonathan. He loved his brother so much, with such an intensity that rivaled your own love for Dustin. 

Jonathan pulls away a bit so that he can look at you; tears stream down his face. “He’s gone, bug.” 

“Bee,” you don’t know what more to say. What can you even say? While it feels like your heart has been ripped from your chest along with your bones, you know it only feels worse for Jonathan. No words could ever soothe that ache. 

“He’s gone,”

You grab at his jacket and gently guide him so that you sit on your bed. “Jonathan, look at me.” It takes some coaxing, but eventually he listens. “I’m here, okay? I’m here.”

Your voice cracks at the end, your own grief getting in the way, but it’s all you can say right now. You’re not sure how else to phrase it, how else to tell him that even if everything and everyone else is gone, you’re still here. You’ll never, ever leave him, especially not when he needs you the most now. 

Despite the vague words, Jonathan nods, always able to understand you, and he rests his head against your shoulder as the two of you cry. Faintly you can hear Dustin’s cries through the wall, but you leave him alone. You know he needs to process this alone, just like you needed to, just like Jonathan had before coming here. 

Tomorrow you’ll comfort your brother, you’ll bake the cookies that Joyce loves, and tonight will pass. A day must always end. This day will end, and tomorrow will come. Then, you’ll face this together with everyone you love. 

For now, your best friend needs you, so you let him cry into your shoulder and you run your nails against his scalp and whisper soothing words. Fuck whatever is going on between the two of you. 

Will is dead. The best of you, the purest of you, is dead.

-

⌑ series masterlist

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[georgeweasleyslostearhq]

I might be in love with your blog.. it’s literally been making my days so much better!

But hear me out this request I’ve had for literally ever and I think you could do it perfectly! So a ginger ready constantly being called a Weasley even tho they aren’t and this obviously catches the twins attention so they kinda start spending time with the reader. And then maybe George falling in love and thinking about Reader becoming an actual Weasley :]]] (also maybe molly being all like „well look at you you’re already a Weasley only missing the name“)

I really hope you get what I’m going for!!

And if not I’ll literally read everything you post it’s just soo amazing!!

i love this idea! i hope i can make it how you imagined!

MAKE A WEASLEY

Pairings: George weasley x Fem!reader Summary: ^^^ Warnings: none Notes: I try my best with every request, I took days to write this to make sure it's good, when you request something I will make sure I try my best to make it good so you enjoy it so I hope you do! I'm sorry if you don't like it, and if you really don't like it, I will do another one.

you were walking to your class when you got shoved, making you fall to the ground

"what where you're going, Weasley!" you looked up seeing Draco Malfoy, standing with a foul expression as he looked down at you

"what?" you raised your eyebrows, helping yourself up

he rolled his eyes and walked away, not replying to you

you had gotten that a few times throughout the years, it confused you, you weren't a weasley

you didn't have the name, let alone look like them at all, the only thing that you all had in common is the firey red mop on the top of your heads, although yours was slightly more washed out than the others

-

George was walking with Fred when he heard a yell from the other side of the Corridor

"Weasley!"

he immediately turned along with Fred to see who called out to them

Fred and George saw a random boy in Ravenclaw yell out again, running to a girl with red hair who certainly wasn't ginny

"didn't he say weasley?" Fred asked George who frowned

"that's what I heard" George shrugged

"well then who the bloody hell is she? do we have a sister we don't know about?" Fred wondered, fully believing his own words

"are you kidding?" George squinted his eyes at Fred

"no, c'mon he's leaving, let's go talk to her" Fred ushered George over to her as she sat in the courtyard

Fred stood in front of the girl and cleared his throat, making her look up

"hello? do you need something?" you asked, looking slightly surprised

"why did he call you a weasley?" Fred spoke up, curious

"oh- some people just do it sometimes, it's because of my hair, I've asked them to stop a few times" you blinked nervously.

you were sitting in front of two of the most popular guys, who happened to have the name that a lot of people call you

"right, because it's red. I'm sure you don't like being associated with our family, right?" George spoke up, feeling slightly insecure

"I mean, I'd prefer being called my own name, but there's nothing wrong with your family so- it's not horrible, if it's that big of a problem with you, I'll try my best to make them stop, but then again they don't really listen to people who they 'know' are a weasley" you answered

George felt a wave of emotion when you fiddled with your fingers

He knows what it's like to be bullied for his name- even if that only happens rarely now- and only by Draco and his goons

"it doesn't really bother me, we were just wondering s'all" Fred spoke kindly

George stayed silent again, letting Fred do the talking like he always did until he got nudged by him, giving him a look

"yeah- just wondering"

you smiled up at the twins, putting the book that was in your lap in your bag and stood up

"hey- would you like to sit with us at lunch?" George blurted out, not wanting to leave yet

"sure"

- you ran down the halls, George's hand holding your own as you and the twins escaped professor filch, the aftermath of a devious prank they had invited you to join in on

"hurry up!" Fred yelled out, noticing you and George slightly behind, George ahead of you as he dragged you along

"it's not my fault your legs are so freakishly long" you laughed, almost tripping over as George quickened his pace, your legs failing to keep up

you started to fall and squealed lightly when George rushed to catch you before you hit the floor face first

"careful there, Love" he huffed before making sure you were alright

you heard the hiss and the yell from the old owner

"come on" he helped you steady yourself and turned a corner, going a different direction than Fred

you followed closely behind, not wanting to fall again, that would just be embarassing

"get back here Weasleys!" you heard Filch's distant yell that got further away the more you ran

George snickered as you got to the grand stairs, finding Fred running up the stairs

he waited for you and started laughing at how good the prank was, glancing down at you and George's interlocked hands

he looked at you and raised an eyebrow with a smirk

by instinct, you let go of George's hand, making him look over at you at the loss of your palm's warmth

he watched as you and Fred walked into the Gryffindor common room side by side, laughing

he rushed up behind you both and listened as you gushed all about it

"that was amazing! I've never done something like that, quite thrilling if I don't say so myself! is that why you do it?" you grinned, wanting to do it again

"exactly why" Fred smiled smugly, crossing his arms as he leaned against the back of the red couch

"well that was just brilliant! can we do it again?!" you asked excitedly, making George's heart burst in happiness

he's never seen anybody that happy about pranks than him and Fred, to see you smiling and wanting to do it again warmed his heart

it made him feel proud of what he does, it's funny how one person can affect his mood and feelings

"well we do it all the time" Fred motioned to him and George "but you can tag along next time if you want"

"well I don't want to impose or burden you, I just think it's fun" you frowned, thinking he didn't want you to go anymore

"no, it's great having another mind to create ideas, speaking of, do you have any?" George asked

"yes! I thought of a lot on our way back here!"

-

the younger twin was used to turning around when he heard the name Weasley being called in the halls, and he was only getting used to the person trying to talk to you.

other than that, everything was great, he enjoyed talking to you, hanging out with you and he knew there was something there

he never would of expected it, especially for you, a person many though was one of his family members- he cringes at the thought of that

he wonders if you think of it the same way, if you find it weird like he does.

"George?" he turned to fine you sitting next to him, a curious look on your face as you smiled gently

the twin hummed in response, cheeks turning slightly pink as your pinky touching his hand that rested beside his thigh

"sickle for your thoughts?" you nudged him

"it's nothing, it would be a waste of money" he mumbled

"is it a girl? it is, isn't it?" you beamed, shifting in your seat to fully face him

you noticed the small blush that he refused to let you see, turning his head to look away

"who!?" you grinned grabbing his arm to make him look at you

George was never going to admit he was thinking about you, he had for weeks, he would think about you and smile

"nobody, don't worry" he sighed

"aw come on, I won't tell! do I know her?" you pouted, shaking his shoulders lightly

"no one, I don't like anybody" he denied

you huffed and sat properly, crossing your arms, staying silent

"hey?" George spoke up quietly, feeling as though you were slightly mad at him

"yeah?" you yawned

"how do feel about my name?" he asked out of nowhere

"George? I don't know it's a good name" you shrugged, not quite sure what to say

"no, Weasley, my last name" George corrected

"well it belongs to a wonderful family so I like it!" you nodded happily

George had been wondering what it would be like if you actually had his last name, he could imagine it

"so you wouldn't be upset if you had it?" he fiddled with his fingers

"if I had your last name? I mean I guess it sounds alright, Y/n Weasley, not bad" you chuckled

"yeah" he laughed too, scratching his left arm "doesn't sound bad at all"

the name stayed with George for days, his mind would scream it every time he looked at you and it threatened to slip when he greeted you

and Fred knew George's feelings for you, he could read his twin like a book and it was painfully obvious

-

it wasn't until a year later when George finally asked you out, your final year

he was planning his and Fred's big getaway for leaving to work on the shop and he didn't know when he was going to see you next, he didn't want to leave you, he needed you

over the past year, from when he met you, he knew he wanted you to stay, he knew that no other girl was going to walk into his life and be like you, make him feel the way you made him feel, made him think the way you made him think

he knew there was something there, and he desperately wanted it to happen, Y/n Weasley was a name he wanted to create for you, a name that he wanted his children to know, a name that he wanted to say aloud and not think in his brain.

Y/n easley was merely a name in his imagination, and George made it his mission to live it

he wanted to make a Weasley out of you, if you wanted

you were meeting the whole family for christmas, going over to the Burrow and spending the holidays with them for break

"Mum already loves you so really you have nothing to worry about, dad is- well dad loves just about everyone, unless your like- evil or rude but, you're not so you're fine, Charlie's only here for Christmas day and you don't have to worry about the rest" George rumbled, holding your hand as he lead you to the burrow

you weren't that nervous, George had told you all about every family member and you had no doubt that you would get along

George opened the door and let you in before closing it behind you both

you both had been at your house getting some things, making the rest like Fred, Ginny and Ron were already there, turning up hours before you

"we're home!" George called out, wrapping his hand around your waist and leading you through the kitchen to find his family

"oh, Dear there you are!" a short, stumpy woman with a warm smile greeted you, wearing an apron

"yeah sor-" George started, getting cut off by her walking past him to you

"look at you, you already look like a weasley, only missing the name!" she declared, grabbing ahold of your cheeks and squeezing

"right Arthur?" she turned to a man who stood at the table looking at George with a smile

he came up to you and introduced himself, everyone else in the room that you haven't met doing the same, some hugging you and the others giving you a hand shake

Bill started a conversation with you, talking about your interests and what you wanted to do

George cut it short, teeling Bill that he wanted to show you where you were staying and wanted to get you settled in before dinner

Bill agreed and George smiled, getting your bags

"i got them, don't worry" you shook your head, trying to take them off him, he only started walking towards the stairs

"c'mon"

you followed him up the stairs to his room, putting his bags down at the foot of his bed

"after a long talk with mum I convinced her to let you stay in my room, that's if you want, there's an extra bed in Ginny's room if you want it but I just thought-" he babbled

"I don't mind, whatever you want" you shrugged

"I better not wake up to you two doing things" Fred interrupted, standing in the doorway

"shut up, Fred, we won't be doing anything" the younger twin huffed

he left with his hands up defensively

George cleared his throat and waited for you to look at him before talking

"do you like it?" he questioned nervously

"I love it" you answered, bringing him into a tight hug

your hugs felt like it healed everything that pained him ever, if felt as though it got rid of every rude thing said about him, everything that hurt him, made him feel bad.

your hugs were something he never wanted to end, it was the medicine to his sickness that he didn't even have

"you know, after Christmas, Mum will do everything in her power to make us stay together" he soothed

"I wouldn't fight her on that"

he laughed "well you already are a Weasley, All that's left is to give you the name"

--------------------------------------------

[hcneygemini]

𝖝. 𝖆. 𝖓. 𝖆. — lyrics sentence starters.

A collection of sentence starters from some singles released, minus anything featured in Tantrums ( the meme featuring those is here ). Do not add to or steal this meme. Feel free to change pronouns, edits phrasing, or generally slightly edit or combine lines as needed. Some lines have already been slightly rephrased for rp purposes. tw: cheating, toxic relationships, suggestive

MONSTER

i hold your mistakes high over your head, especially when they look like mine.

i'm not one to hand out forgiveness.

it pains me to admit you were right.

someday i will be someone you resent.

honey, the pleasure is all mine.

i heard you're calling me a traitor.

i owe you a good apology, i'll do it later.

i paint myself the good guy.

i heard you're calling me a monster.

after all the shit i pulled, you could do better.

i'll do what i want over what's right.

you gave me your all.

it was intimate.

i guess it ain't your fault that i can't commit.

i never listen.

i couldn't help but feel so indifferent.

all my failures are visceral.

i still taste blood from years ago.

you ain't good enough.

i can't even be honest with myself.

how could you believe i'd do that for someone else?

i don't want that life.

i'm kissing boys in the back of their cars.

it's half past 3.

you were fast asleep while i was on the phone with [ Jodie ].

will i ever know why i am like this?

i go for what i can't have, like i'm righteous.

i can't face the shame.

if you wanna place blame, just say my name.

i go home alone and i think it's strange.

i got what i want but it don't taste the same.

everyone who's ever loved me is the enemy.

i get high on all the jealousy.

you can't forgive the infidelity.

i don't wanna be someone who lives like that.

i was supposed to be a good friend, trusted.

i snuck around with the love of your life.

after all the shit i pulled, you should do better.

HOMEWRECKING ERA

wrap your thighs around me.

i could keep all your secrets.

cross my heart and hope i mean it.

think of all the damage i could do.

say less.

push me on the counter.

call me princess.

wish i could say no, but it's hopeless.

i'm losing focus.

i wonder if [ she ] knows about those pictures on your phone.

you should feel guilty, but you don't.

i'm in my homewrecking era.

got things i wanna do to you.

i feel bad for a minute.

you make me feel so good.

i taste something bitter in my mouth.

i left my bralette on the ground.

i can't help myself.

nobody fucks like me.

i'm the [ girl ] of your dirty dreams

the silence is deafening.

do you miss me?

i think [ she ] can taste me.

i can give you what you want.

we called it love.

we might've fucked it up.

baby, just fuck me up.

i'm the flame that keeps you warm at night.

don't i bring out the green in her eyes?

you like how pretty [ she ] is when [ she ] cries.

[ she ] loves you so much, even the lies.

we're both the one, but never the only.

you get so lonely

crown me the villain and hero tonight.

fucking me brought you together so nice.

i got a taste for the drama.

i spilled your guts 'cause i wanted.

look at all this damage that i do.

BETTER KIND OF BEST FRIEND

i can see [ her ] in my dreams.

i see [ her ] in my bed.

[ she's ] the goddamn vision that ringin' in my head.

i'm waitin', patient.

we could be good together.

let me release the pressure.

i think i found my treasure.

[ she ] tastes like heaven and she knows it.

i'm eager.

i just wanna please you.

she's got me prayin'.

i could be a better kind of best friend.

i'm a fan.

i don't die for my [ women ] anymore.

i'll do anything to have you.

i swear to be true.

i don't die for my [ women ] anymore, i kill for them.

you don't need to ask, you got my permission.

lord knows we tried.

can't stay away from each other.

you know i'm a sucker.

watch as i swallow my pride.

i wanna make it intimate.

i've got my finger on the trigger.

they come and go.

YOU DON'T WANT ME LIKE THAT ( also by Rachel Bochner )

if you hated me it'd be easier.

i know what's coming is really gonna hurt.

if i hated you, i would've never tried.

it's a habit you conditioned.

i wonder if you know you're bad.

i wanna tell you that i miss you.

you wouldn't say it back.

you don't want me like that.

you don't want a picture of me sitting on your nightstand.

you don't wanna touch me in the way we both know you can.

you just like the way i feel stuck in the palm of your hand.

where do you get off on it?

i do the extra credit but you're never satisfied.

i keep you center stage.

you keep me on the side.

i'm crossing all the lines.

you won't call it what it is.

you just call me when you're blue.

the fantasy is cute.

i would give you all i have.

i stay up waiting for you.

i can't keep waiting.

BABYBLUE

baby blue was always your color.

it's a little strange how we're seeing each other.

god, you look just as i remembered.

it's been a few years.

i've known you forever.

you packed your bags and moved to [ Boston. ]

you needed a place that you could get lost in.

time will tell.

you got my youth on your bedpost.

say it ain't so.

our picture's getting dusty.

you smell vanilla and don't think about me.

i hope it's alright, your life without me.

you ran to my house in the pouring rain.

i've cried every damn day since you left.

i don't mind if i never get over it.

i've been watching reruns.

i should call my little sister, i worry about her all the time.

you hold other hands.

i'm biting my tongue.

you're making new plans.

i'm coming undone.

i watch your old films.

looking at it now, i think i love you still.

i try to be cool.

if i never say a word, does it make it less true?

i feel the time go.

i fear the unknown.

it's getting so old.

all of my anxieties are filling up my diaries.

the water ran cold.

there's so much i don't know.

i think i gotta go.

you see green and don't think about me.

BAD BANDIT

i've been lonely for awhile now.

i'm tired of this ghost town.

[ she ] looks pretty on [ her ] poster.

i'm thinking i could hold [ her ].

i want you on my body.

won't you face it?

you wanna make or break it.

you wanna feel me naked.

i'll show you how to take it.

count your blessings when the devil ain't got nowhere to go.

maybe i'm bratty.

i taught that [ man ] a lesson.

[ he ] was charming and i loved [ him ].

[ his ] urges were disgusting.

i bed [ him ] down to nothing.

that little [ lady ] wanted love.

it's such a damn shame.

you better run, babe.

[ she's ] taking aim.

[ she ] promised me [ her ] best.

i could see forever in [ her ] golden eyes.

my baby told me lies.

i swear i'm gonna die.

but i ain't the one biting the dust tonight.

i swear i'm gonna miss [ her ] for the rest of my days.

i still hear [ her ] voice.

BET YOU'LL GET OFF ON THIS

maybe in another year you might be different.

i'd rather not admit how many years i've been insisting.

you showed me your true colors.

you used to be the prettiest thing i'd ever seen.

what you said to me last sunday was disgusting.

i don't need to look at you to know you feel nothing.

you feel nothing.

maybe you like it better when i'm cool.

i don't give a shit.

did you really have to be so cruel?

all i ever did was try to love you.

i don't know who you are.

i saw the façade slip, and it was alarming.

i'm left with confusion.

how did you not ever learn to be human?

what did i expect?

you never grew up.

you think you're so deep, but you're so out of touch.

[ Natalie ] was right when [ she ] said that you were heartless.

i don't ever want you to touch me again.

i really can't stand the way you talk about your [ girlfriend ].

bet it hurts to know i'm no longer your forever.

i won't hold my breath, but i hope you get better.

i don't wanna belittle my love.

all we ever did was try to love you.

[chronicbeans]

Hazbin Rewrite - Lucifer

I find that the show, itself, doesn't necessarily handle the conflict between him and Charlie as well as it should've. I don't mean it being rushed, either, as the problem seems to run deeper than that. He's not really a bad father, just bad at communication, yet they call it daddy issues? I also feel it could've handled Lucifer as a character better in a lot of ways to make him more recognizable as Lucifer and not just "another tragic character", while still keeping that idea of tragedy in there. However, he's meant to be sympathetic but still despicable enough for you not to care.

TW: Lucifer is both Slightly Sympathetic and Objectively a Bad Person, Neglectful Parenting, Lucifer Despises Charlie

To understand some aspects of this character, I'd like to explain a concept I have with angels in my storyline. Angels follow God's words, so many believe they know what is right and wrong, despite them not knowing it. They don't have the innate knowledge of good and evil that Adam, Eve, and Lilith have from the forbidden fruit. They can gain such knowledge by seeing evil and being able to know it as evil on their own, without God's input, this unlocking the ability of innate knowledge. However, that is a very rare occurrence for angels, because they fear that God might see them as tainted if they do learn such things.

So, the angels choose to follow God because they love Him, but when it comes to what is good and evil, they follow His words on what to do to avoid it instead of having an innate knowledge of it like humans now do. God is afraid of His angels becoming like humans because He doesn't want them to knowingly wrong one another. However, if they were to ever learn such knowledge, He would still love them all the same. He just wants to avoid the negative possibilities that could arise from it. The same went for the original humans, as He wanted them to be simple, eternally happy creatures. He loves joy, seeing joy, and creating joy.

In comes Lucifer. He loves God, only to grow a distaste for Him over time. This is because he began to see himself as higher than God and began feeling jealous of humans due to him perceiving God as loving them more than angels. He despised humanity for merely existing and getting attention away from him and his fellow angels, which is what caused him to rebel and try to overthrow God. It was a way of proving himself to God, as well as trying to take control. Once he was cast out of Heaven, he felt powerless, and tempted Eve into eating the forbidden fruit in order to have one last powerful act of rebellion against his creator. He saw it as ruining God's favorite creation by giving them free will. This is what started the fear of gaining knowledge of good and evil in the angels, because Lucifer brought the idea of that knowledge being a sort of poison to God's creations to the table in the first place.

Despite rebelling against God, Lucifer doesn't have the knowledge of it being wrong. Lucifer acts in ways we perceive as evil, but he doesn't perceive them as evil. He simply views them as actions, and due to no longer listening to God's advice, he now no longer has any guidelines to follow. The tragedy of his situation is no longer necessarily him being cast out of Heaven for rebellion. It is moreso him being cast out for rebelling while believing it to have not been a bad action, and his inability to see why it is bad resulting in him wanting to repeat it if he ever returned to Heaven. He's stuck in a loop because of a literal inability to learn what was wrong with his actions, and his own stubbornness as to proving it wasn't wrong in the first place to God. That doesn't mean he wants to learn why it was wrong, though. He truly doesn't, because his pride makes him see his actions as being right.

He was with Lilith for a short period of time, until Lilith left due to his controlling, narcissistic behavior. Then, he turned to Earth for another partner, finding a young woman who was following The Satanic Temple. Under the assumption that it meant she was worshipping him, he went to Earth under a human disguise and pursued her. That's when he created Charlie.

He made Charlie using white sand from a nearby beach, making her resemble the woman due to the idea that no parent could love a child that doesn't look like themself. This is, of course, objectively wrong and only because he couldn't love a child that doesn't look like himself. He then pretended to be a single father, letting the woman care for Charlie from time to time, resulting in Charlie and the woman getting close.

Upon realizing that The Satanic Temple does not worship him and, in actuality, doesn't believe him, he became offended. Taking it as an insult, he took Charlie back and returned to Hell, never to interact with the woman again and never letting Charlie even know about her. However, there was the problem of Charlie...

Charlie didn't look like him. Charlie didn't act like him. Charlie could see right from wrong. Charlie was nothing like him. She looked like the woman, and as she grew up, she acted more like God than himself. He genuinely, wholeheartedly, hated Charlie because of this.

Due to, once again, being unable to see right from wrong, he saw no problem in completely neglecting Charlie once she was old enough to care for herself. That age being 9 years old, in his opinion. He mostly only talked to her when he tried to teach her how to do things his way, which she never agreed with. This caused a reasonable strain in their relationship, which he couldn't understand, and made him hate her more.

It became worse when she began asking about the woman she barely remembers, being who he considers her "biological mother". Why would he tell her about some woman she'd never meet, much less one who humiliated him to such an extent? So, he lied, saying it was Lilith, despite Lilith looking nothing like Charlie's description and not being aware of Charlie's existence.

Once she moved out, creating her Hazbin Hotel, it was good riddance to her. She may still seek Lucifer's approval, but he won't ever give it to her out of spite.

[9leaguesofmirrors]

The Debt Collector and the Sin Detector

This fic is inspired by @jfinb, specifically the hilarious dynamic they wrote between Reverend Bernice and Lisgoe. I had to write a fic where they met, so here it is!

Also, this might be one of my favourite fic titles I've come up with

ALSO also, this fic takes place in a world where Lisgoe finds out about Ross and Pauline doing stuff while he and Ross were talking, so it could be taken as a sequel to The Downgrade, but it wasn't intended as such

CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of sex, cheating, and alcohol consumption

When Lisgoe skulked into the local bar, he was fuming. Having to walk in the rain, when he didn't bring a coat, after finding out the guy he was maybe-or-maybe-not trying to get somewhere with went and had sex with his boss did not help his hypertension

What made it somewhat better was seeing, as he went to the bar and ordered a beer, the Reverend sat in the corner of the room with a large brandy in her hand

"Fucking hell!" Lisgoe laughed as he approached her, beer bottle in his hand "Reverend Bernice Woodall, downing a drink like a champ!"

"Who's this twat..." She muttered, glaring at Lisgoe "What do you want?"

"I thought drinking was against the rules of the Bible."

"And I thought being a nosy little bugger went against the rules of society."

This just amused Lisgoe further and he took the seat opposite Bernice. He looked at her for a few seconds, taking a swig of his beer

"Come here often?"

"Why are you talking to me like a horny teenager?"

"I'm asking you a fucking question!"

"Drink your drink."

As the man sneered and leaned his elbows on the table, Bernice studied him for a few seconds. For some reason, she felt as though she'd seen his face before - or at least heard that disgustingly sexy voice before

"You ever been to church, Pet?"

"Fuck no!" He laughed again "I have a brother that's a Reverend, but we don't speak. I collect people's debts, and the shite I've done would send me straight to Hell - if I believed in it."

That's when it finally clicked, there was only one man in Royston Vasey that acted this dickish

"Mr Lisgoe himself," Bernice sipped her brandy "never thought I'd see the day."

"Never thought I'd see a Reverend drinking a brandy, but I guess there's a first for everything."

"If you had to sit around listening to a bunch of boring sods whine about disappointing Sky Daddy, you'd be in here everyday. At least you can punch them in the face when they piss you off."

Lisgoe made a face of agreement and drank his drink again. He'd almost forgotten about the fiasco with Ross until Bernice asked:

"So, what brings you here?"

That instantly made him clam up, glaring at Bernice slightly

"Since when was this a fucking confession booth?"

"I'm asking you a fucking question!" Bernice imitated Lisgoe's previous statement, which got a withering look in response

"What would you do if you found out someone you were seeing was bumming their boss behind your back?" He snarled before holding up his bottle "I've earned every drop of this."

Of all the reasons, Bernice wasn't expecting Lisgoe to be caught in a love triangle. He didn't exactly seem like the type to be annoyed over something like that

"She sounds like a daft twat. You're a cunt, but you're not ugly. And to wrap her legs around her own boss? Sounds like a dirty slapper to me."

"I don't give a shite anymore. I mean, do I look bothered? Is my face bothered, Reverend?"

"Not at all."

As they sipped their drinks, a neutral silence fell over them. Lisgoe was the one to break it

"And it was a he, he slept with his female boss."

"You fucking what? You mean you're a bum muncher?"

That got a slightly put-off glare from Lisgoe

"First of all, I'm not munching any bums! Second of all, just because I was with a guy doesn't mean I'm gay - I like women too."

"So you're a... what do they say? Bipolar? By proxy?"

"... Bisexual?"

"That's the bastard!"

Lisgoe shrugged, downing a gulp of his beer and slamming the bottle down with a satified sigh

"I don't label it. Only two things matter: either the other person has to be fuckable or I have to be really, really, really bored."

"Just make sure you get the boss out of the way."

"Piss off!" Lisgoe snapped, not showing any signs of offence "It's his loss, I'm a fucking delight!"

"You seem to be 2 shits short of a toilet in my eyes."

"At least I'm not wasting away in a little booth listening to people complain all day."

Oddly enough, the casual back-and-forth made Lisgoe feel a little less uptight about the whole situation prior. It felt good to have another person that was just as much of a foul-mouthed dick as he was - even if she did look slightly rotten

"About that fella, ever thought about revenge?"

Lisgoe looked at her, left eye twitching in confusion

"Your ex fling had it off with his boss," she explained "what better way to show him up than taking someone home? Someone that'll get Royston Vasey talking."

"You think I should pimp myself out?"

"No, you silly goat! I'm saying you should cause a scandal. He's an attention whore, so do something that takes that away. Plus, it might light a fire under his backside."

Lisgoe considered the suggestion, looking around at the people inhabiting the bar. Nobody was that impressive. In fact, they were unspecial at best and repulsive at worst - so nothing had really changed there

"Everyone here looks one cough away from death. I don't mind someone a bit older, but not fucking decrepid!"

"With the way your love life's going, you can't afford to be picky."

"Rude bitch! I thought the Bible preached kindness and shite?"

"I'm a Reverend drinking a brandy at one in the morning, do you really think I'm worried about a big book?"

Once again, Lisgoe found himself puffing out a laugh. It was an odd feeling; it was nice, but in a way that felt different to Ross. Less intense, more casual

Bernice finished off her brandy and placed the glass on the table, she then drummed her nails against the wood as she waited for the pleasant buzz of alcohol to hit her system

"Want another one?"

"Nah, don't bother."

"You a lightweight then?"

Bernice looked at him like he was the daftest twat in Royston Vasey

"Do I look like a lightweight to you? Can a woman not refuse a drink from a stranger? I don't want you using my body as a sex doll - not when I'm unconcious anyway."

"Fucking hell, relax! I'm not that twisted and I'm definitely not that desperate." Lisgoe finished off his beer "I'm asking because, shockingly, I'm enjoying myself. It's like talking to someone's batty grandma."

"Batty grandma!" Bernice was taken aback and apalled by the comparison "Don't take fucking liberties, Mr Lisgoe."

"You can just call me 'Lisgoe', nevermind that 'Mr' shite... unless saying that turns you on or something."

"I have a right mind to buy another drink just to lob the glass at your fucking head!"

Lisgoe smirked to himself, leaning back in his chair. He had to admit, talking to Bernice seemed to do a fair bit of good to his mood. It was a strange feeling, he felt more drawn to the Reverend than any other stranger, but not in the same way he was drawn to Ross. To him, they were in a strange middle ground between acquaintances and partners

"Got something on your mind, Pet?"

That effectively snapped Lisgoe out of interally berating himself and he turned to Bernice with a shrug

"Just bored."

Bernice's lips formed into a sly smile. She didn't feel a connection to the man in front of her - well, not a romantic one at least - but she wasn't blind just yet. She may have had a mild astigmatism, but her sight was fine other than that. And what she was seeing got her juices flowing... in more ways than one!

And who was she to pass up the opportunity?

"How bored are you, Pet?"

At that point, Lisgoe realised her game. Despite thinking that Bernice looked slightly decaying, there was something about her that suggested a decent lay - plus, shagging a Reverend was on his bucket list

"Really, really, really fucking bored." He shrugged "And up for revenge. But I need some help with that."

"Nothing like a revenge shag, is there, Mr. Lisgoe?"

Lisgoe got up with a devilish grin

"Knew that turned you on, you perverted shite."

*********************************************

Bernice was the first to emerge from her confessional booth, her knees slightly stiff as she walked out. She looked around for a bit before confirming nobody was there

Lisgoe then exited, zipping up his trousers and scowling at her

"Last time I checked, people don't bite when they suck dick."

"I didn't bite you, don't be a big baby!" Bernice snapped back "My teeth just grazed you."

"That wasn't grazing, Bernice, I have bitemarks on my dick!"

"Don't act like you don't like it rough, you're the exact type. Bet that boytoy of yours took chunks out of you."

"Yeah, I like to play with pain, but Ross never bit me on the tip of my cock."

"Well, Ross is currently balls-deep in another woman, so you'll have to save those fantasies for another night."

With a sneer, Lisgoe leaned his back against the confessional booth. To say the experience was pleasant would be unture, but... at least... no, it was just unpleasant. And it caused Lisgoe's mind to wander back to a few weeks ago. The memories weren't even sexual, they were just better than whatever the fuck just happened

"Now what?"

Bernice's voice, once again, effectively snapped him out of his own head

"I'm not fucking you again."

"Never said I wanted that."

A pause in the conversation

"You're a fucking terrible shag," Lisgoe said "but you're not bad to talk to. You're a battered old witch and I like that."

"Well, I like that you're a moody prick with a weird sense of humour."

"That's oddly nice coming from-"

"You also have a very nice moan."

"And you had to fucking ruin it!"

They both ended up laughing, a proper laugh that neither of them had shared before. The kind of laugh that felt satisfying in a strange way

The kind of laugh only friends share

A/N: This took longer to finish than I thought, mainly because I forgot I even wrote it. It's a little cursed and VERY silly, but it's also a favourite for that exact reason

[joprompts]

the great gatsby (2023 musical) starters. part two. *starters from the musical. slightly edited for rp purposes. adjust as necessary.

better hold tight or i might fly away.

do you know what i did when my baby was born? when i found out that she was a she? i prayed that my beautiful child would be the fool that i could never be.

if that's the plan, you can count me out.

only four hours left and there's too much to do. i don't know what to wear, what to say, how to stand when i'm standing inside the foyer!

can justice be done? what a joke!

soon, we'll share in what i've done.

when the party's over, can you find another party somewhere?

we live for today.

one way road, is that what this is? have i traveled down it from a very early age?

it's tea, it's only tea! no need for such commotion!

today is never over if the party never stops.

god sees everything, but is slow on his commands.

i wonder what [she'd/he'd/they'd] do, if i walked through.

what if i turn into her?

she should know that i mean business, but i also mean causal, with teeny tiny sandwiches!

i'm sure you're the second-best she's ever had!

with only a nickel to my name, i've but it all to get in the game.

even for you, that was a scandal for the ages.

it took no time to love her, just to be worthy of her.

this could turn for me and i can guarantee when all this is done i'll be forever in your debt.

i wouldn't trust myself.

i kissed her and knew i'd ever stray, but then the world got in the way.

can you see through the mist? look out this way. can you see the green light, just across the bay? sometimes, it's blinking, sometimes it's warning, blinking it's message to me until morning. it's a lighthouse.

none of this was made to last.

i will be a rich man's wife with a rich man's baby and be set for life.

will she see i've made my world in the image of her dreams? the closer that i get, the farther that she seems!

i've become the man her world demanded me to be.

they want me to come in while the killer roams free.

better listen to that man. people say he takes the world seriously.

can you believe we now have a child?

she never loved you and she never will.

i built the perfect place to stay locked away.

we pay off the cops.

there must be some justice! someone has to pay!

how's the view from up there?

i spoke those words to gain security. it was maybe a mistake and the only choice to make.

i think you two are birds of a feather. i must find ways to fling you together. lock you both up in a closet for tea, charter a boat, push you right out to sea!

i've always known what i was fighting for.

to have and to hold. til death do us part.

only we know what we're going through. if i save you, will you save me too?

i'm gonna walk into the ocean!

we had to give up all the parties and drinking.

the party's roaring on.

marriage is more than vows and devotion. it is a ferris wheel of emotion. lifting you up, right after you fall. marriage is not what you picture at all.

i'm not going anywhere.

but now, today i see an open door at last that could lead me to a future i gave up in the past.

she eats and sleep and it is utterly wild!

i'm paralyzed with happiness.

i built a home beyond my childhood dreams.

breathe, i can't breath! can't hold it together! i try to inhale and my head starts to swim.

when i saw him walking down the aisle, he actually looked cute.

i've come so far for her.

if we don't go now, we might never know what this could be! who we really are!

i'm smart enough to know i'd lose everything if i ever strayed.

and boy, was i a sucker.

we'll be living back in time, just as it was before. only now she will have everything and more.

i've always liked swinging at little white balls.

it's time for tea!

can we stop for a moment and just look around. look at us all and the joy we have found.

i can't run away.

at the end of the night, i'm going home with him.

can you see through the mist, across the bay?

i let him put a ring on me.

but don't you think that every newlywed believes their marriage will endure and that somehow will escape their fate? is that every wedding's curse?

everyone can stop tip-toeing.

money can't buy happiness, no sir, but it brings you closer.

am i chasing a dream?

[living-my-future-past-life]

Die alone in love - A letter to my muse

When I was young, I cried one night and spoke to the moon, I asked it "Please, let me know what love feels like one day". Of course, I meant that I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved. I grew up unwanted, a mistake, isolated by my peers, and only experiencing toxic relationships in which I was typically used.

As time passed, I did not find my love, it never found me. Nigh, I carried on.

Years later I met you, you made my mornings better, messages on my commute made my days start with a smile. I felt something with you I'd never felt before, and tried denying it. You were a magical thing to me, and it was easier for me to pretend you weren't real than to admit I had started falling in love with you. For many years, only one friend of mine even knew you existed. I tried dating others, but it was the same old story, and it never worked.

One day I was due to have serious surgery, I had a major panic attack, and temporarily passed out. Oh, how my life flashed before my eyes. I saw friends, animals, childhood memories, and you. I did not even see any of my ex-partners, only you.

You were the first man outside of my immediate family to ever see me without makeup. The only man I've ever been truly vulnerable with. You're the only person I listen to no matter what my mood is - and I am a stubborn bitch. You're the only person who's ever been able to calm me down when I've had a panic attack. You're the only one I feel completely safe and at ease with. I've made mistakes, my trauma brain led me astray, and I forgot to say... I trust you completely. You have an effect on me, and always have, in a way I just cannot explain.

In my recovery I was confused, and reached out to you. How our friendship grew after that, and with it's growth, so did my feelings. Deeper and deeper in love with you I fell, and some many months later I tried to tell you. It did not go great did it? You never said you did not love me, nor did you say you did, but you pulled me closer rather than push me away. You're a curious little weirdo sometimes.

I understand why you hid yourself from my slightly now, and I did prefer it, it was like playing pretend, because until you stopped... I could also hide from how I felt about you. It was easier. Having to deal with realising I love you was one of the hardest things I ever did, growing up as I did, I never knew what unconditional love looked like, that it could even exist. I once asked you if you believed in true love, I think we both had our doubts that it existed back then, maybe you still do, I don't anymore.

You come and go like a yoyo, but I hope deeply, even if you never love me back, that you will at least stay in my life. Days are brighter with you around, songs are more beautiful, flowers bloom faster. I'll never expect you to love me. But, I also know I cannot turn off the way I feel for you, how many times I have tried, how I tried to move on, tried to forget you...

But, damn it, we are too alike, to forget you I have to forget myself... I did that once and ended up miserable. So, maybe it is better to just love you forever even from afar, and stay true to myself... Maybe that's why you told me to forgive myself.

Sometimes, I get sad at the prospect of living alone all my life, and I really do mean alone. Friends already living their own lives, married with kids, and me... not. Even without my feelings for you, no one is interested, the last person who was sexually assaulted me. It's sad, sometimes, the prospect of this loneliness forever, wishing I could turn off my love for you, wishing there was a switch, but even that would be useless, I know what love looks like now, feels like... Going into the dating game these days knowing this... It'd be even more depressing I think.

But, I can't turn off how I feel, I cannot just stop loving you no matter how hard I try. And sometimes I look to the little girl staring up at the moon asking it to let her know what love feels like, and I realised it answered my wish, even if not how I wanted. It answered my wish when it gave me you.

And, while my life may be lonely, it is not without love. Every day, I go to work, feed my cat, I partake in many hobbies, and every day... My heart beats a drum beat to your song. If I died tomorrow, I would not have lived a loveless life... I'd have lived one where I know what it feels like to love someone unconditionally, with all their flaws, faults, quirks... That is something few ever know in their lives. I am grateful to you, for simply existing, because by existing you have allowed me to know what it feels like to truly love someone.

So, even if I never get to wrap my arms around you, if I never get to make you a cup of tea on a cold winter evening, or celebrate your wins and mourn your losses by your side... I'll have lived a life where I really, truly, deeply, loved.

Maybe, that's enough.

I'm forever yours.

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

just because my brain is a lil mushy for writing-- and the mood to do this struck me-- imma piggy back off some earlier chatter with Jackie ( @akumanoken ) on that "list of voices that 'do things™'" just because--

Disclaimer before i start: For the VA entries here, reference points are going to be given via the characters i know them best as/who's performance best fits the sprit of this list-- These are also in no real order, mainly just whatever order i thought of names first lol

Morikawa Toshiyuki

{as Tsukinami Carla - Diabolik Lovers}

Okay so, Carla is slightly an outlier in this group-- seeing as I've never had the chance to play any of the game series he's from (and may not ever be able to, unless i find finished English patches and try to fuck around with that route--) But regardless of that, i've heard his voice via some videos online in the past-- and My God-- this man could end me. (and i should i get to play any game routes featuring him, imma probably die on the spot--)

Sakurai Takahiro

{as Mukami Ruki - Diabolik Lovers}

Again, i doubt i'll ever be able to play his routes in game, but-- i do believe at one point i watched the anime adaptation that was made for More Blood, and even if it was a train wreck (like the rest of the anime for this series lol) i can at least recall enjoying Ruki's VA out of all that mess XD {also, bonus mention for one of his characters songs here, as i just now heard this one today-- and rather enjoyed it u w u}

Daisuke Ono / J. Michael Tatum

{as Sebastian Michaelis - Kuroshitsuji}

I-- don't really have much to say on this point lol, aside from the fact that these men doing their voices for Sebastian 100% fit the spirit of this list XD (i'm also skipping giving a link here, because i'm sure anyone reading can go find an example of both VAs in this role very easily lol)

Morita Masakazu

{as Yanagi Aiji - Collar x Malice}

Yanagi sits in kind of an odd space honestly lol-- because on the one hand, i enjoy just listening to him-- thanks to "older brother/caring dad" sorta vibe he gives me... but at the same time, i can't deny that certain voice dips he does-- they do hit a lil different. {for a better show case of what i mean, check out this vid of his "interview" via the voice recorder extra-- tho i sadly couldn't find one with the eng sub}

Kimura Ryouhei

{as Shiraishi Kageyuki - Collar x Malice}

hhhh-- Shiraishi, my boi... i love this man-- and like, his voice wins a spot here because, much like with Micchan-- i'd lowkey die if i ended up as a target of the teasing he enjoys doing. {and the bonus voice recorder section for him as well--}

Suwabe Jun'ichi

{as Abraham Van Helsing - Code: Realize}

Van somewhat falls in line with Yanagi, as i find his voice rather soothing to listen to... and i admit, my frame of reference for them both is a little fuzzy--thanks to not having played either game for a while... But-- i do remember an extra story from the first C:R game, which gives us all sleepy voice Van, and just-- that one lowkey ended me.

Hirakawa Daisuke

{as Saint-Germain - Code: Realize}

{& Itsuki Mito - Secret xxx / Therapy Game}

listen-- just... listen-- Hirakawa earns his place here because as both bois, i could listen to this man talk for ages-- (much like the mentions below--) But-- thanks to certain scenes from the Secret xxx CD... i can not unhear this man doing spicy audio-- and that fact is forever going to end me. (and Itsuki doesn't get an example link, simply because i don't think i've got anything timmed from the CD he mainly features in--)

{Honorable mentions} This section is for voices that I adore listening to, but, they don't quite fall into the same category as the above list-- More so just that type of mood where it's the "i could listen to you talk for ages" sort of vibe lol

Hirakawa Daisuke's performance as Laito Sakamaki {Diabolik Lovers}

Taniyama Kishou performance as Ikki {Amnesia VN Series}

[lovelytayforce]

TFP Airachnid would be cool 2, 3, 8, 12, 28, 37, 50

This is gonna be a long one lads, so buckle up!!

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on Obvious HC: The pain and trauma she inflicts on others is mostly her own lil way of dealing with her own internal bs that not even Rung could untangle. While I don't ship Arcee with her, I do think she does feel a certain kinship as one of the few femmes on the show much less in that small group of surviving bots of their species considering there is also only one of her kind left (based on tfwiki and my limited knowledge) It's kind of how I feel about TFP Megatron and Starscream, in a war that's been so long these "terrible people" are now apart of their lives. This is their normalcy as weird as that may sound. Idk I don't think we as a fandom explore the fact they are a dying species outside of "Let's get em reproducing" What about how their long lives affect their own relationships with their enemies and how they are a key part of their lives and that nagging voice reminding them "This is it." She counts as a modern Predacon; Kre-o is canon guys I said so. 🫵🏽😜 She is super cute, look at her!!!!

3. Obscure headcanon - She's Nocturnal which means I can make all the neet jokes I want with her! - I 200% believe she's the type who's terrible at following directions and follows the mantra "I'll do it when I do!" but will get super passionate about the things she wants to do so yeah not exactly a team player. (Idk why but I associate her with a lot of Anzu cards lol) One of those passions is unfortunately taking people's heads and making Starscream and Megs life hell.

Her form can't adapt to most vehicle modes which is how I just explain whatever the hell happened with her helicopter mode...Idk in a sci fi sense her biology is just so interesting to me. - She loves sweet things. (Am I projecting more of Anzu on her, maybe but who knows maybe she liked taking sweet energon when she turned into a Vampire so watch out sweet lovers~!)

She's 200x worse in the cold than most Cybertronians and is more at risk of going offline than Optimus.

She has 2000% sat on Megatron's throne and stayed there despite him standing right there, you can't tell me otherwise. Her connection with insecticons is mostly superficial; due to their similarities in species and I'd love to speculate she doesn't actually control them, just direct their actions vaguely with signals only their own kind can hear. (I feel like this was explained in the show but I legitimately forgot...so yeah hc...)

She's sillier than others give her credit, but it probably surprises her sometimes too. 8. Unpopular opinion about them Alot of y'all are gonna hate me for this but I think she's just as redeemable as the rest of the cons!!!! Listen she's part of a very small species called Arachnicons and is constantly belittled as a more intelligent Insecticon by other Cybertronians and yes while in TFP she does have the connection to control that sort of hive, I've never seen anyone explore that aspect of the aligned continuity much less her character. That holds a lot of potential for angst and I know we all love evil gals but she can still have more depth to her. Anyways if I ever get around to it. I would be down to write a fic of her being slightly better with some still questionable morals as all cons should have! TLDR; I think she's a more interesting character than people give her credit for and I love her! 12. Crack headcanon Another Kre-O bit that never left my mind; she never admits it but I like to believe she would enjoy and crave (Just a smidge) to be a part of group activities.

She doesn't find Megatron funny at all but listens anyway. (Hey if we can count his love for MLP from Ask Megatron as a fanon HC; I can have this! You CAN'T TAKE THIS FROM ME!) - I never mentioned this on Megatron's post but well here we go. She and Megatron would both have black Holoforms She'd have more frizzy curly hair while Megatron has locs. 😘 28. How they feel about [insert character of your choice from the same fandom] Well, it said character of my choice so I chose; THE WHOLE DECEPTICON MOVEMENT; I like to think she did see it as a place to belong for awhile until it went full-blown military and "follow my exact order" type deal she liked it better when it was chaotic before the Great Exodus and all that jazz. Let's be real, she's not the only con like this even KO is more along the lines of wanting to do as he pleases, so deep down if she hadn't taken Breakdown out. They could have been not friends but understood one another maybe? (Ah that's another crack hc...) 37. What they really think about themselves She sees herself as the ideal hunter, she follows her instincts without a second thought; even if others look down on her, she won't feel ashamed of who she is. If anything she probably views herself as "pure" not in a kind sense but accepting her urges to kill as natural while everyone else wears of mask of civility. 50. A memory they’ve blocked out

Her fight with Soundwave. Not part of the post but I just wanna remind people of the fact she's voiced by two queens; Gina Torres and Ryoka Tuzuki are both MOTHER, they could never make me hate a character you voiced 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

[edge-oftheworld]

hi! i saw your post about the nostalgia tour and i couldn’t say i know the exact feeling because i didn’t get to go, but i ~kinda~ think i know what you’re talking about from the ep per se. i wouldn’t touch twitter with a ten foot pole and sometimes i don’t know how to articulate these feelings, but i do get the slightly off vibe. i don’t know how to interpret it and that’s so frustrating bc it’s just… a feel. anyway, idk if i said anything or not, but yeah. would love to hear your thoughts bc mine are just ramblings.

hi anon! thanks for this ask. unfortunately I've said just about all I can on here--if you go in my archive of my blog to june 16th you can see my thoughts on my show but i'm not gonna bring them back to the top of my blog.

HOWEVER if you do go off anon I am more than happy to have this conversation more privately, but out of respect for luke there's a line that I'd rather not cross when it comes to speculation somewhere I can't at least do the due diligence of controlling who is able to see what I'm saying.

on a more generalised note, something about being anywhere under the neurodivergent umbrella means often a high correlation with a bunch of chronic health things, it's something i'm watching myself and a lot of my friends in our 20s go through. part of it is down to our brains and bodies/nervous systems being built differently (hence neruroDIVERGENT), part is due to the excess stress of living in a world not built for us. some people in this general demographic of society are gonna become musicians, and some are gonna become actually successful at that, and have to deal with the extra stressors of touring and fame and loss of privacy. I've been saying for years we need to be more accommodating for that.

how much, if any, of this applies to luke I could not say. he's gonna share however much he feels like when he feels like and we're gonna listen and respect that because he doesn't have to and we're lucky to get whatever we do. but I also think listening to and respecting him also has an active component: when he says he was too young to go through what he did, we need to ask ourselves, how can we make this industry have safeguards to be developmentally appropriate for a 16 year old? when he says (at my show) that the last time he was at this venue he wasn't allowed anywhere but the stage and upstairs because he was 17, we need to think to ourselves, how could we (or whoever's in charge) offset the loss of freedom that would feel like?

and when he says that making music is helping him heal and have a better relationship with everything around him we have to believe that. even though we worry, of course we do, this career path is really dangerous for anyone who started young. everyone is gonna struggle with that in different ways and we're gonna be understanding of that instead of judging, because none of us have ever been through what he has or been inside his head. i hope this was a bit of an answer to your question anon even if it wasn't a proper answer!

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 8th January

And with the start of January proper, we see the resurgence of a genre I really did think we'd put to bed. It's almost like I'm being haunted by the ghost of Winifred Atwell - except somebody's tuned her piano, this time!

More Party Pops - Russ Conway (peaked at Number 10)

It's even titled like a Winifred Atwell number. Which I guess is the point, so that people looking for this sort of popular piano medley would know what to look for, when browsing down at the record store. Still, as titles go, "More Party Pops" feels clumsy. Just like a lot of this medley does - there's at least one point where rather than transitioning smoothly between songs, we literally stop and start up again at a completely different speed.

Aside from that, it's channelling the exact same vibe as Winifred's "Let's Have A _______" series, with a whole bunch of presumably popular songs, played in a slightly slipshod ragtime style, along with a bit of drumming in the background. The piano is in better tune, as I mentioned in the intro, but apart from that, it's nigh-on identical in its execution to literally any of Winifred's stuff, down to the inclusion of "Music! Music! Music!", the only one of the tunes that I did actually recognise, and one that I also remember being on one of the "Let's Have a _______" tracks.

Aside from that, we've got familiar bangers such as "If You Were the Only Girl in the World", "I'm Nobody's Sweetheart Now", "Yes, Sir, That's My Baby" (spiritual predecessor to Baccara's "Yes, Sir, I Can Boogie"?), "Some of These Days", "The Honeysuckle and the Bee", "Hello! Hello! Who's Your Lady Friend?" (to which the correct answer is always "None of your business, and please leave us alone") and "In a Shanty in Old Shanty Town". I'm familiar with precisely none of these, and listening to the track on repeat hasn't helped me, much. It's all just a kind of jolly blur, I'm afraid. There was a sequel song, too, "More Party Pops Part 2", and I only recognise one song from there, either, which is "Bill Bailey Won't You Please Come Home". And I only know that song beacuse the comedian Bill Bailey does a version of it, I don't know it beyond that context.

Russ Conway, at least, seems quite an interesting character. He was self-taught, and learnt the play the piano - though not to read music - while in borstal for stealing from his employers, after leaving school aged only 14. Despite this rougher start, he then did very well for himself during World War II and got a Distinguished Service Medal for heroics in the Aegean after being conscripted into the navy. He ended up in the merchant navy after the war, but left because of ill health, and somehow ended up playing piano on the club circuit, at this point, still unable to read music - which is where he was picked up as a recording artist. Talk about an interesting background!

I don't object to this song, but I find I have very little positive to say about it. Instrumentals can be like that, especially this sort of "put it on at a party" medley record. I just have no context for how you would play one, or why - was it background, like a Spotify playlist, or a novelty, like a YouTube mashup, or some secret third thing? Would people have gathered round and spotted the different references? Or was it just something pleasant to avoid awkward silences? Was it fun for all the family, or did a certain demographic mostly spring for these? Clearly the title tells us that these were intended for parties, but what kind of parties? Were they ever played in other contexts? I simply have no idea, and I don't even know what I'd look for to find out. If you are somehow reading this and know, genuinely, please get in touch.

Favourite song of the can't-believe-it's-not-Winifred bunch: More Party Pops

[the-thieves-gambit]

Something about the nickname he had come up for her made her beam. It was a unique one, she would give him that. The thought of Orion, Charlie, and Anna living on the island and having Orion have a set group of friends to be around sounded like a great idea. Especially with the way they all got along during Easter and at the center. It was something that she wanted for him, friends but she also accepted that she was not his mother. While she was trusted to look for his best interests, the decisions lay solely on his parents. After the switchblade incident, she thought that Charlie would never want to speak to her again. It did though make her feel nice that Wally would point out the fact that she was valued. So she found herself simply nodding at his words, his pointing out of their trust in her.

And then there was his trust in her. He didn't even know her, not truly. So why was he so willing to let her take Dolly? Guilt crept in, feeling like an imposter, whoever he believed her to be was someone that he could trust. Whoever he believed her to be, she'd like to be her forever. "I don't mind the furball. She and I share a lot in common so I wouldn't mind the company on walks."

Playfully rolling her eyes, "I'm sure you are when you're not talking someone's ear off." The thought of spending more time around his family was something that made her anxious, a part of her wanted to another part of her said that she shouldn't and that it wasn't something meant for her to do. She had only imposed upon their Easter because of Orion, she wouldn't want to impose further again.

"We haven't even finished hanging out today and you already planning luau's and field trips to a penguins exhibit?" A chuckle and a slight shake of her head as she took another sip of her drink. She wanted to say yes, to just be the kind of person who spent time with the man who seemed to actually listen to her and like her company. But she knew she couldn't. She would never be able to get close to anyone without having to hide the truth of who she was. "I'll have to think about it. I have a big case I'm working on right now that I need to do a lot of work on. So let's stick a pin in that for now, the penguins do sound like a thing I need to check out."

Extremes over germs? That made her smirk. "Ah, the people aren't the best, I'll admit it. But I wasn't there for the people so it wasn't bad." Thinking about her time on the boat, she felt her heart twitch a bit but that was another life. Another chapter in her life that she had hoped would have been the ending. An ever after. She hadn't meant for it to slip out, but she had felt so comfortable for a moment there. "It was nice. Not really, but once I was on land, I missed the sea. It's a catch twenty-two." She shook her head at using the pirate thing as a party fact. "Again, it was just a story my dad said, not a fact. It's not like I'd ever been able to figure out if it was real or not. He was a bit of a tall tales man, liked to see the world with mythical and fantastical proportions instead of how it was." A small hint of bitterness sunk in there.

Being this close to Wally didn't feel weird. Physically she hated being so close to people but as she closed the space between them and leaned closer so they could look at her phone together, that same comfort that had snuck in earlier made her say things she would have been better at concealing, snuck in again. It was the same reason she had taken the water from him without thinking twice about the contents of it. She trusted him. "Yeah, it's nice. It's full of shops and things, it reminded me of California, actually. There's a nice cafe in there, oh the bar is a nice place to unwind. Especially at night when the lights are on and ships are going by, but I've only been there like a handful of times."

The fact that it might take that long to cross off all the lighthouses made her frown slightly, looking more like a pout. "And you never mentioned it?" She asked as she looked back up at him with a mock incredulous look on her face. "I'm going to have to rethink this friendship if you keep things like this from me, Wallaby." But then also muttered to herself as she turned her attention back to her phone and zoomed into where the lighthouse would be. "I can't believe I didn't notice it myself actually."

“Ah,” Elizabeth looked up at Wally, about to say some stupid quip about how he wanted to go everywhere. Instead she found herself smiling at the reddening of his cheeks. Something enduring about it, she could see the shy kid that would come here with his aunt as a child. She had to force herself to look away. “So, there’s a lot of places you’d like to see.” Taking another sip from her drink, she decided t pretend to not notice how flustered he become at the thought of all he wanted to see. It was nice to see. “Not nerdy at all. Hearing people talk about things they like, know about or what to know about is a lot better than having someone prat on forever about something they hate. There’s nothing nerdy about learning, ‘an investment in knowledge pays the best interest.’”

Her smile spread as he said he liked lighthouses too. It was silly but she felt like a kid who got told they could have a cookie before dinner. “Yeah, some of them got used, some didn’t, some are cared for and still ran. Others have fallen to disrepair. But to think of the people that used to run them, the boats that saw them in the distance, heard the foghorns and knew that land was near.” She sighed, thinking about the times she spent on the bow of the boat in the dark night, nothing but darkness for miles until suddenly a light would cut through it all. Shrugging she thought it over. “I don’t know, just like them a lot. I guess it is my top one. Maybe even over books but I’ll deny it if you ever tell anyone.”

Finishing off her drink, she smiled. “I’m ready to go when you are, wallaby.” Excitement evident on her face about where they were going. “No rush if you’re not ready yet!” She added hoping she wasn’t being pushy or forcing him to eat faster. “I’m fine with sitting around a bit longer if you need to. How many lighthouses have you seen? Besides their history was there something else that made you like them? Also Alaskas northern lights are nice, but not as nice as Iceland’s.”

The narrowed eyes made him gasp out gleefully. He had just gotten something right. "Playing coy now are you, miss lila." He understood where she was coming from. "That is always the hope. If they lived here he'd go to the Y with my nieces so he'd have friends. Though, I think Annie grew attached to him since the first moment she met him." He hummed as he watched her sit back. "I think they value your opinion," he didn't know for sure but he felt the need to say it. "Wouldn't think they'd let him come all the way to the islands if they didn't trust you or your judgment."

"You sound so surprised. I really wouldn't mind if you take her. There's no catch here just making it clear. If you want to hang out with her go ahead. Might give Lenny a break from dogsitting too. As long as you don't mind the furball." His voice was soft almost like they were whispering. "You say the word and she's yours to take. I'll say new places she loves to sniff around. She's curious like that. Is good with children and other pets too. Strangers she won't bite but people have to ask before they pet her. Sometimes she can get grouchy."

"Maybe one day. I'll have you know I'm a great travel buddy. I need to take you to our luaus." Wally teased as a small little smile overtook his features. "They are the cutest. Not going to dispute that. Speaking of since we're on the topic of penguins. There's a new exhibit coming soon about penguins. Did you want to go? I mean, with me. Go with me?" He heard himself and even that was painful. Give him anything in the world he'd do it. Give him asking someone who he didn't think would ever look his way in a romantic aspect and he turned into that five year old who got tongue tied. Either way it was casual if she busy or didn't want to go then he'd find some time to go with his nieces later on in the year.

Shaking his head he responded no. "You want to laugh don't you? We've never done that. But it's also because there's a bunch of germaphobes in the family and we usually go for extremes. So like, rock climbing, hikes and what we call speed racers. But, laser tag sounds fun. Paint balling uh might have done it once a very long time ago. Talking about it I'm about to tell you let's go."

"We went to Maine once and it was probably the worst experience. The townspeople weren't as nice as they advertised. But we also didn't stay long enough to see any of their lighthouses. That may change if we go." It was said casually like he was talking about the sky being blue. Eyes widened at the tidbit. "You spent a year in a boat? What was that like? Did you miss land?" He chuckled softly and couldn't help but find her even more interesting. "Pirate Elizabeth. Hmm. That's a neat party fact you can bust out at these functions." His mind couldn't help but to think of scenarios where her family line would have been descendants from a blackbeard type. "Cool if it turned out to be true."

Having her so close was intoxicating, he felt drunk. Being so close to her felt like a dream. He made some room for her while his elbows laid on top of the table as his eyes looked down at her phone. There was a moment where he stole a second to look at her features up close. Her nose had that tiny dip that looked like a small heart shape and her eyelashes fanned across her cheeks, her lips looked enticing and subconsciously made him lick his own. He breathed in her sweet scent which couldn't tell if it came from a perfume or her hair. Either way he was a fan. Half of him heard what she was going on about while the other day dreamed what it'd be like in a world where the woman he wanted also wanted him back.

He couldn't help the smile after she said she loved lighthouses. This was something she was sharing with him and gave him an insight into who she was. "You've gone to Aloha Tower? Did you like it?" Wally smiled back and blinked away his inner thoughts. "Realistically we can cross off most of them if not all. It may take a year or two."

"We should go to Lahaina Lighthouse. It's not only close to where we live but also Hawaii's first one. That is easy to knock out first since it's not even a mile away from the house." For all that his Lahaina home was remote and away from the main island, it held tiny treasures like the first lighthouse that graced the island.

"I've always wanted to go to Graceland. You know the one I've always wanted to go to but never gone but there's a Sinister NOLA, it's a true crime and murder mystery tour. There's visiting the Pyramids of Giza, Machu Picchu, Petra, Northern lights in Alaska." He stopped himself and tried to control his semi blush. "Nerdy. I know but I like to learn. And have found these places so interesting. Since I've been in Hawaii, lighthouses have grown on me. Especially considering all the history they come with. I like hearing you talk about them. Are they your favorite topic or top three for sure?"

[pazodetrasalba]

Devotio

Dear Caroline:

I do believe your simulationist cult has been attempted, and not once, but a whole many times, as it would fit the definition of almost any religion I can think of. Definitions are always contentions, but what is closer to the core of religious practice than prayer, understood as the act of asking things from a being with superior power and the ability to make things so (there is also an interesting overlap with magic, which is similar but turns the words into a ritualist petition which cannot be disregarded)?

A priori, praying to our gods/simulators does not sound like a crazy idea, but based on the little to non existent evidence that prayer to any deity under any circumstances has gotten better responses than random chance, and the amount of time we've been at it, it is not something at which I'd risk betting my lifetime savings (and as a process, it is probably duller than just having a blast at a casino's Roulette). If our gods exist, they are cruel and cold ones.

Funnily enough, when I was younger I tried to thought myself a way out to God's apparent irresponsiveness to prayer, which went on something like this: when it does not alter his designs for the universe and the causal chains of necessity, and the person is really virtuous, God does always answer to prayers. It is just that because of his heavy investment in human freedom, he simply alters the universe ever so slightly such that the prayer gets the answer it deserves and nobody (not even the person who made it) is aware and conscious that the change has actually taken place.

Moving from ℂ to ℝ, from the imaginary to the real divinities that are the object of our worship and our devotions, they don't tend to listen to our orisons either, but at least we can believe that in theory they could respond to our appeals. In a way, I find myself in exactly the same predicament, building this haphazard virtual shrine to you and your memory, Caroline, and hoping that one day you'll read it and grant me the boon of a few minutes' conversation. When picturing you as a goddess for the golden idol in the inner chamber, Athena comes immediately to mind, although I can't really see you wearing her weeds of warlike armor. As per the famous sultry nymph photo, something more like Lady Galadriel would probably be more apt, and me, Gimli-like asking not so much for three golden hairs as for a chance of getting to know and talk to you, and of offering any help and support that is within my power to give.

Our word for 'devotion' comes from an ancient Roman ritual of extreme sacrifice in which the devotee offers himself to the chthonic gods in exchange for victory. Let me conclude for today with its Livian exemplification.

Quote:

The pontifex instructed him to don the toga praetexta, to veil his head and, with one hand held out from under his toga touching his chin, to stand on a spear laid under his feet and speak as follows: 'Janus, Jupiter, Mars Pater, Quirinus, Bellona, Lares, divine Novensiles, divine Indigetes, gods whose power extends over us and over our enemies, divine Manes, I pray to you, I revere you, I beg your favour and beseech you that you advance the strength and success of the Roman people … As I have pronounced in these words … I devote the legions and auxiliaries of the enemy along with myself, to the divine Manes and to Earth

Livy, Ab Urbe Condita, 8.9.6

[songmingisthighs]

Sans

introduction pt. i | pt ii

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ch. lxv - eat well

seonghwa × reader, ?? × reader

A N N O U N C E M E N T

you believed that childhood friends can stick together through thick and thin. you believed that nothing could get between you and your childhood friend, seonghwa. at least you used to think that before things changed.

Despite not being hungry, you know you'll get sick later. So against your better judgement, you ordered food in. Because let's face it, the stress of dealing with betrayal can do A LOT to your health. The last thing you want is for your health to decrease along with your sanity.

When the intercom alerted that your food has arrived, you immediately slipped away to go get it. As you got out, your eyes trailed and stopped at Mingi and Jongho's apartment. You felt bad for being mad at Mingi for what he has done and you felt bad that because of what happened, you hadn't seen him in a while.

Usually, you'd spend breakfast together before everyone went out, something you used to do back in your house with your mom. Now living out of your parent's place, you wanted to establish some tradition with people who you love. Never have you imagined that Mingi would be exempted.

But as Wooyoung said, what he did was bad and it was inconsiderate. He had to remind you that you can feel bad for being mad at someone, but you shouldn't excuse the other person's behaviour. Looking back, you could have kicked Seonghwa and Hongjoong out but you knew how important Hongjoong is to Mingi and you didn't want to jeopardize their relationship.

Unbeknownst to you, Mingi had slowly distanced himself from Hongjoong because he finally saw first-hand what he's actually like. He couldn't believe it at first. But more than anything, he should've just listened to you, trust you and also the others who were aware. If Yunho and Yeosang turned their backs on Hongjoong and Seonghwa, then they truly must be one of the worst friends ever.

Exiting the elevator, you immediately walk towards the front desk, where people usually drop packages or deliveries for the tenants.

The security guard saw you and grinned widely, "hello miss (y/n), fine evening," he greeted. You couldn't help but smile back at him, the kind-looking middle-aged man seemed to be able to break your gloomy walls for a bit. "Quite, I'd say. Is my delivery here?" You asked, getting to your tippy toes to peek over the rather large and tall desk. "Yes, I have both right here," he said as he reached behind him and pulled a bag with the restaurant where you ordered the food's logo, and what seemed like a cake box.

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that's mine. I didn't order that," you told him. He raised an eyebrow in confusion as well, "Well, I'm not quite sure but that gentleman over there dropped this at the same time your food did," he said as he pointed outside of the apartment building towards someone.

Following his direction, your eyes trained and finally stopped at the image of your former best friend, standing slightly far away. His eyes widened when your eyes met his. You both stood there in silence, not really knowing how to react to the situation. You don't know why he was there and why he had dropped your food.

Taking initiative, Seonghwa motioned for you to take a look at the box that he dropped off. Curious, you did as he told and your eyes immediately widened in surprise.

There, in the box, was a slice of cake that you both had deemed the "I'm sorry" cake. You had forgotten all about it and you couldn't believe that Seonghwa actually remembered.

It began when you were children, having fought because of a disagreement over a project. Your parents brought you to this little family-owned bakery a little further from where you lived and made you and Seonghwa share that cake. You remembered how soft the texture was, how sweet it was, and how you both cried as you both took bites, having missed each other so much due to not speaking to each other for almost two weeks. From then on when both of you fought, either one of you would bring the cake to share together as an apology.

You looked up to Seonghwa, surprised. He bit his bottom lip but he held his stare in anticipation of your reaction.

Before you realized it, you had taken a few steps forward to the adjacent front door.

"You know, some people grew out of their sweet tooth as they grew older," you spoke loudly to him. He grinned sheepishly and shrugged, "I know. But not everyone grew out of their memories. I know you're not like that, (y/n)," he replied.

You let out a sigh and shook your head at him. Not really knowing what else to say, you simply close the box and held it tightly close to you. "Thanks for the cake, Seonghwa," you told him, the corner of your lips threatening to tug upwards into a smile. Seeing this, Seonghwa grinned widely, glad that his olive branch was accepted.

Thinking that you should head back, you offered Seonghwa a tiny wave and turn around before you could see him waving back a little more enthusiastically than you.

You grabbed your dinner, thank the security guard and bolt back towards your apartment as quickly as you can.

For some reason, your eyes kept focusing back on the cake and suddenly you felt a tug in your chest. The cake definitely doesn't erase everything that he had done or said to you, you know that. But compared to when he texted you after he found out that you went out with Yunho and Yeosang, this was definitely a massive improvement.

A small step, sure. But honestly, you're just glad that he's willing to try with his own way and that he's actually taking a step.

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[m1dfielder]

It meant a lot to the midfielder that Alex trusted him this much with his cousin. Of course he had that idea when he started to hint that there was something more there, push them into the direction of revealing how they felt about one another, but now this was another step in showing him how much that trust extended. It was something Jo had no intention of breaking. Still, it was always surprising to him how well the other managed to pick up on how Jo had felt in the first place. Then again, Alex had seen him practically grow up in almost ten years together. It seemed he needed that reminder as he let out a small chuckle and nodded. "Right. I keep forgetting how long you've known me, been around me. Still, didn't think I was that easy to read." His hand lifts to scratch at the back of his head, only nodding again when he explains how Ansel knew. "Of course he remembered, why would he forget your cousin had a crush on me five years ago." Jo replied with a shake of his head. "I don't know how he does that because I don't think I could ever manage to remember something like that, but I appreciate he doesn't just tell everyone else about it. And I know he never would, I'm not worried about that. Once you told me he knew, that worry never really came to me." He leaned back into his locker and chuckled again, the smile remaining. "Glad to know she also gets teased then, even if mine are less obvious than her's I imagine." Seeing as it wasn't probably around the team when it happened. If there was one thing he was at least certain, outside of the teasing, it was the fact he knew he was in a better place because of what Alex did. There weren't exactly many words he could use to describe it but he knew he was happier. That was the most telling factor.

"Mmmhmm." Jo found himself humming, showing he didn't entirely believe it being a new talent but just one he didn't need to use until now. But it once more circled back to trust, the other fully trusting that he wasn't doing anything wrong. The tease a show of his love and trust and knowing that Jo was taking this seriously. That was just who Jo was in the end, relationships were serious to him and he took other's feelings in that regard to heart. If he wasn't feeling a connection, then he would let them down gently but he knew with Davina there was so much more there. This was deeper than that, this was something that could go their entire lives, not that he was going to say that to Alex right now. That was for him, and later Davina when the time felt right. Though he is pulled from those thoughts when the other begins to speak up again. Blue eyes lift to land on the taller blond as he begins to listen intently. "I mean we both are on the same page, you don't have to worry about that." Jo replies before he feels himself beginning to blush slightly, head now casting down as he sends a nervous chuckle out as a way to recover. "I like her a lot, yeah." It's what he was going to get out of him for now. "I know she can be and I think of her so you don't have to think I'm taking advantage of that, I'd never." More and more they were sounding like a couple as Jo spoke and honestly? That was what the were in the end. "I am trying to make sure she knows she doesn't have to be like that, especially with me. I just want her to be happy." It was all he wanted for her, his gaze up at Alex showed that enough. That he was meaning every word he said to the keeper. Maybe it helped that Jo wasn't the kind to people please. He aimed to do what he could to the very best of his ability, sure he hated letting people down but making them happy wasn't the end goal. His face paled at the other's words and he nearly choked on the spit he had tried to swallow. Clearing his throat, he nodded in understanding. "Yeah, no, of course. I wouldn't want you walking in on anything either." A hand lifted to rub at the back of his neck while brow furrowed briefly. "Uh, I suppose I am now. I know she'll text me about that so.....Ja, I'll be there."

                                          when  it  came  to  his  cousin  ,  he  felt  more  protective  than  anything.  mostly  because  she  was  basically  like  a  little  sister  to  him.  and  truthfully,  she  could  be  a  bit  on  the  naive  side.  too  trusting.  and  the  last  thing  he  wanted  to  see  was  her  hurt.  not  that  jo  would  do  that.  hell,  jo  wasn't  that  type.  and  alex  knew  that.  it  was  amusing  though  –  to  watch  how  the  two  of  them  interacted.  even  from  the  start.  alex  had  noticed.  he  wasn't  blind  to  the  way  jo  had  looked  at  her  before  the  two  of  them  started  talking.  at  least  he  knew  that  there  was  something  there.  and  he  already  knew  how  vee  felt  when  it  came  to  the  midfielder.   alex  laughed  at  jo's  words.  "  we've  been  teammates  for  years  .  i've  picked  up  on  quite  a  lot.  "  the  goalkeeper  replied.  no  doubt  about  it  ,  jo  had  improved  so  much  the  last  few  games  they  had.  more  confidence.  and  sure  ,  the  games  had  been  rough  but  everyone  wasn't  having  the  best  season  so  far.  it  seemed  as  if  having  davina  there  though  ,  had  given  joshua  more  confidence  and  despite  any  losses  suffer  ,  alex  had  noticed  that  he  didn't  take  them  nearly  as  bad  as  he  was.  and  even  outside  of  games,   he  was  more  happier.  davina  was  good  for  him  and  alex  was  making  a  note  to  make  sure  she'd  attend  as  many  games  as  she  could.  not  that  it  would  be  any  issue.  she  seemed  to  enjoy  the  game  itself  and  watching  joshua.    "  in  ansel's  defense,  he  was  there  when  vee  asked  about  you  a  few  years  ago.  and  of  course  –  he  remembers  things  fairly  well.  but  ja  ,  no  worries  on  that.  he  doesn't  mention  it  around  the  team.  just  to  her  and  me.  "

             teasing  both  of  them  was  just  so  much  fun.  though  ,  alex  made  sure  not  to  push  too  much  considering  davina  could  get  a  tad  snappy  depending  on  how  annoyed  she  already  was  from  something  earlier  in  the  day.  but  at  this  point  ,  she  was  use  to  it.  almost  all  the  time  rolling  her  eyes  and  getting  flustered  over  the  comments.   another  laugh  came  from  alex  over  jo  teasing  him  back.  "  it's  a  new-founded  talent  ,  i  suppose.  "  alex  didn't  mind  being  teased  in  return.  alex  figured  jo  and  davina  were  taking  their  time  with  what  they  have.  or  at  least  as  slow  as  they  could.  wanting  everything  to  last  and  he  could  tell  without  joshua  even  saying  anything  to  him  that  he  was  being  serious  about  davina.  hell,  the  opposite  never  crossed  his  mind.  jo  had  never  came  off  to  be  the  type  to  fuck  around  and  not  be  serious.    it's  yet  another  reason  why  he  wasn't  worried  about  the  midfielder  not  being  able  to  be  trusting.   arm  went  up  to  brace  himself  against  one  of  the  walls  as  jo  spoke  again.  "  exactly.  i  wanted  to  be  sure  of  both  sides  and  the  intentions.  though,  i  didn't  doubt  either  of  you.  she's  fallen  for  you  quick,  jo.  and  i  can  tell  you  have  too.  "  a  small  smirk  formed  at  the  corner  of  the  goalkeeper's  lips.  "  we  are  but  ,  she's  gotta  think  about  herself  some.  vee  can  be  .  .  .  a  bit  of  a  people  pleaser.  she's  trying  though.  which  is  another  reason  i'd  think  you're  perfect  for  her.  break  out  of  that  sort  of  thing.   "  as  bad  as  that  sounded  ,  he  hated  that  vee  was  that  way.  and  how  he'd  witness  people  take  advantage  of  it  in  the  past.   alex  let  out  a  small  laugh  at  the  mention  of  the  bedroom.  "  because  i  don't  need  to  walk  into  anything  ,  ja?  thin  walls  are  enough.  "  of  course  he  was  teasing  once  again  though  ,  there  were  a  lot  of  truths  to  it.  he  wasn't  deaf  and  they  weren't  as  secretive  about  what  went  on.  "  are  you  coming  by  tonight?  i  got  plans  of  my  own.  so  i  won't  be  around.  "