#listen. I just think it’d be so silly yknow?

[localmothcryptid]

Flesh avatar activities such as looking at Box Ranboo™️ and saying “it should’ve been me”

[synthwayve]

Thinks about Micolash and Laurence’s rivalry that never strays from the confines of academic snark or the occasional jab despite their shared ambition(and possibly also just accompanying a general friendship they could have had since they worked together at some point. Idk I’m a softie. Sue me.) eventually involving into a full on intellectual divorce. Cries. Explodes. 72 casualties.

[sabertoothwalrus]

Your tags on the Elven Queen vs Laois "close to a mixed race child" and the differences and. The fact that Marcille as well half elf head magic advisor, him canonically wanting his misfit friends help him run the country (whether capable or not). She can't even pull the "older and wiser" card with Yaad "I'm older then all you long life races" around. She thinks about how somehow this all boils into a fairly successful kingdom and gets a migraine

Godddd I spent so much time thinking about dungeon meshi politics yesterday.

I genuinely don’t think the Queen of Elves would have a change of heart towards mixed-blood people. I think it would stress Kabru the FUCK out because the political tensions this would cause (but also he’d be a smug about making the elves angry, serves them right.)

The dwarves are a different story. Even if the King also hated mixed-bloods, most dwarves look to their local governance than the King. It’s also common for dwarves & gnomes to have families together, so at the very least, dwarves are accepting mixed-bloods as long as they’re both long lived races.

Even if they weren’t, it’d be funny if dwarves became more progressive culturally just because they hate elves so much shfhshdhsjs AGAIN. THE POLITICAL IMPLICATIONS OF THIS.

Imagine. Marcille feeling guilty and targeted simply for being mixed-blood on a royal council. Trying not to feel like her whole existence is undermining the legitimacy of Laios’s new kingdom.

And the worst part? she’s GAY

LIKE!!! we don’t know how accepting this world is of gay people. And ngl I sometimes think it’s more interesting when stories have homophobia. We know the village the Toudens grew up in was fairly conservative. We know Otta is a canonical lesbian, but she was, yknow… arrested.

What if Laios, wishing the best for his little sister and one of his closest friends, legalizes gay marriage in Melini. What if their marriage isn’t recognized in other countries? What if people start to move to Melini BECAUSE they want to get married. What if Melini is seen as some silly, backwards, laughing-stock of a kingdom. God, Kabru would be like “listen I love what we’re doing here but I’m trying not to start an outright WAR. 😭”

Oh god I haven’t even touched on Falin’s chimerism. That’s probably also a sore subject. WHEW!

[beetlebuggy01]

Todays “serious talk” with my mom ended with me being happy about being Autistic and I feel like I should share it with tumblr.

Like I said Today’s “talk of the day” with my mom was about autism because it was on the news and at the end I brought up how I love how I’m autistic, bc it makes me me. Like if I were to go into some magically scenario where I could see ANYTHING and I asked to see me but without autism I feel it’d be a different person entirely! Like if I was me just magically without my chronic illness it’d still be ME. but me without autism I just can’t see it being the same person? Like when it comes to earlier this morning my mom got a letter, and I was TRANSFIXED by the envelope bc the stamp has a shark on it. And when my mom asked what I was doing I I told her excitedly “Mom look! You got a letter and the person who sent you it put a shark letter sticker on it!” And immediately going into the different breeds of hammerhead without prompting. Which I gave the letter to my mom and said I wish I could keep the cool shark stamp! afterwords my mom tore the corner of the envelope with the stamp off and gave it to me. And then me getting excited at the idea of putting the stamp on my water bottle! In which my mom helped me gently peel the stamp off the paper and stick it to my bottle, and even helped me cut a perfect peice of tape to keep it on so it wouldn’t fall off and after getting said shark stamp to stick onto my water bottle I literally got so happy I DANCED AND SANG. That interaction is so inherently me and I can’t imagine having done that if I didn’t have autism. or other stuff like going to museums or aquariums and telling my mom a million fun facts I know about the exhibits! Or getting so happy I cry bc I found a pretty pebble and I can identify the material it is! If I were to imagine myself without autism I honestly can’t see myself doing those things, and those things make me fundamentally me yknow? Like the version of me without autism realistically would probably still be me, but to visualize it in my brain feels like I’d be a greyscale “WRONG” version of myself? Like some kind of dissociative experience or version of Uncanny Valley where I’m looking at my face but it isn’t ME. All my character all the parts that make me, me. Just gone? I just love being autistic honestly, and to be a little narcissistic? it makes me such a wonderful individual and fun and cool and awesome! I have fun facts and knowledge about such fun silly things! And I know so much and thrive on learning more! and without it without autism like I said I can’t imagine being the same person without it! Like getting happy over stamps that have sharks on them and in the end when I get it on my bottle I DANCE and SING from joy! Or being excited to listen to HOURS LONG video essays on topics I like, crying out of joy because I see a cute cat or I find a pretty rock or feather, it’s so inherently me, but also the fact that autism isn’t quantified by like “this is something because of autism this is ‘the real u’” (there is no such thing/way to do such. every part of me is because of autism and also the real me.) So therefore all the things i love that make me, me, are BECAUSE of the autism, and I love the person i am so therefore i love being autistic yknow?? This is really just a psudeo post on how i love being autistic, and how awesome and unique it makes me. I love being autistic <3

Which, I’m going over the ‘good’ parts of autism, I’m not going over the developmental disability part of the developmental disability, the sensory issues, the disconnect between how different neurotypical people think are taught and how I have to be taught and how I think. The things I just DONT and sometimes CANT and never will “get” about the world etc. I’m skipping over all of the genuinely “negative” parts of autism, which I just don’t believe you can label it as bad or good parts? it’s all just autism it isn’t some morality thing where parts of it are morally inherently good and some morally inherently bad. It’s just autism it’s “a force of nature” there is no moral badness to the wolf for killing the deer there is no moral badness to the different traits of autism, it’s just the way it is and you and the people around you (and the world) just have to learn how to live in a world where people are autistic/neurodiverse/disabled and accommodate it, not try to change or “fix” or right it bc it’s wrong yknow? Because it ISNT wrong. There is no good autism or bad autism traits it’s all just autism, at best morally neutral But that’s besides the point. I technically skip over those parts of it before, which the “negatives” are just as much a part of being autistic as the “positives” but I’m still happy to be autistic, because it’s still me, “negative” and “positive” traits alike! And I love me! I love being me I love the way I think and speak and work things out and everything about me! And I love me. Even still with all the parts of autism I love being autistic because autism is every part of me as I am me and I’m PERFECT the way I am. And yes I skip out the “bad” but still. I love being autistic because being autistic means I’m being me <3

Again like I said this is just really a “autism/neurodiverse positivity post/thought” yknow? It’s not really in-depth thought out or some essay I’ve proof read, it’s just me putting how much I’m me and how I love being me on the metaphorical page. And i guess it’s about Being happy with yourself and loving yourself with the “good” and the “bad” parts bc it makes you you and your beautifully you in every way you are <3

[good-morning-tucson]

BABY’S THING A WEEK 3 REVIEW

madelaine - i don’t know what the point or meaning of this song is. but i think i understand it anyway. by that i mean every time i listen to it i understand it less. i like how he says madelaine.

when you go - there are very few songs that make me cry. but this is one of two joco specific songs that does it. the way its written to leave whether its family, friend, or a significant other either leaving or dying gets me every time. the a capella is done so well i forget that’s what it is. i could write an entire separate piece on the lyrics. Good song!

code monkey - THIS IS A SIN BUT CODE MONKEY WAS NEVER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. it’s cute. it deserves to be a joco staple. but i don’t know man. i could still fuck this up at joco karaoke. jocaraoke. i also like it significantly more when i’m listening to it than when i think about it

the presidents - i think this song is really funny. i have nothing to say about it outside of that. the ending makes me giggle. his voice sounds fun in this too i can’t put my finger on why.

just as long as me - i like this song and like. nothing more. i think it’s cute. nice fiddle. i love joco songs that are straightforward silly weirdness like this

till the money comes - gold digger divorce joco is so real. i think i like this song more than i should. i like when songs have two people who are both jerks for no real good reason. him going “ugghh oww” at the end is him tripping over his bass <3

tom cruise crazy - this song is SO funny to me. all of joco’s other songs are normal but this has the double whammy of a gay joke AND the r slur. and the whole idea and concept is super amusing. thank you joco!

famous blue raincoat - i listen to this song when i have a bad headache. his voice is very pretty. i don’t have much else because this is a cover song

soft rocked by me - JOCO SEX‼️‼️‼️‼️ i love how live performances of this are done with paul and storm. i think it’s very cute. :) i could DESTROY this at a jocaraoke night. this song is the epitome of freaking it sensitive style

not about you - THIS SONG WOULD MAKE AN INSANE OC/SHIP ANIMATIC. does anyone else see the vision. he was so real for this one. this is definitely a breakup song, but i see it like. an anti love song yknow

rock and roll boy - i can never remember this song exists. but i don’t dislike it. i think it’s very cute and very silly. i like the funny vocals joco does the most. thank you rock and roll boy

drinking with you - this song is inherently queer to me. i know it’s written as straight but this song is very gay in my eyes. i think it’s all of the painful yearning. and also the yearning is spreading to me (a gay man)

pizza day - this song fills me with emotions around a childhood memory i don’t even have. i love this song but i never listen to it. thank you joco thank you pizza day

i think i can firmly say that things a week 2 and 3 are tied for my favorite. if you ask me my top favorite it’d change by day. this one feels a lot more somber than the past two, despite it also being full of comedic songs. i enjoy it a lot. :)

[rusty-gloinks]

OKAY HOPING THE REST OF THESE IMAGES FIT. LOL.

yknow the rules and stuff, spoilers, beware!!!!!

More absolutely gorgeous scenes. The lighting is just 🤌🤌 !!!!!!!! AAAAA

Something about this one section where the quality is just so fuckinf goodfghghhgh&hfhrhfhfurhruekfj&74738s8f)&7*(*

of course this was animated by Kevin temmer …….good lird /pos

v just looks so awesome here, as well as her fighting scene.

The fucking BUGGGGG PUT THEM DOWNNNN

The bump makes me giggle.cause i guess shes like trying to tell him to not hold her hand.but then they do it again anyways😭?????

2 camera views?? V is looking to the side but can still see in front of her (where Tessa is standing)

I’m confused. I can’t tell if Tessa isn’t authorized and it’s like this for all humans?? And only works for robots?

Also took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize she had a gif tab open 💔

THIS IS WHERE HER CHEERLEADING SKILLS COME INTO PLAY.

💀 bruh.jpg (LMAAAAAA

SHE KNOWS WHAT SHES DOING IS WRONG!!!!!DOLL I HATR U SO MUCHHN AAUAUGHFJRHRUEHWAJD!!!!!!!! :(

Yayyyyy teaser image number 19883373728293947272 :3

Don’t think this means anything (i tried checking, plus it’d be too short) but it looks pretty . Red !!!!!

SHES SO FUCKED UPPPPPPPPPP GIRLIE💔💔💔😭😭

You’re such an asshole. NOW YOU WANNA BE ALL NICE AND CUTE RIGHT.ACTUALLY FUCK OFF?????

Micheal did a fucking fantastic job at conveying the scared/anxious tone in N’s voice here , it actually hurts so much to listen to if that makes sense((makes me go :c

Really hoping she gets better next episode, i need to rip out all my hair .PLEAAAAAAAAAASEEE

Also I am NOT putting the depressing V image here, i feel like we’ve seen enough of that… 👁️erm.

ALL OF THEM FIT IN ONLY 3 LONG POSTS!!!! HOORAY!!!

thank u for coming to my silly boring detailed post on all the lil details I spotted within the episode:33 really hoping to do another one of these next ep!!!!!

MASSIVE MD SPOILERS UNDER CUT!!!

This show obviously contains killing, blood, gross stuff, angst, and robo gore!!! Just a heads up!!

Again, massive spoilers for episode 6 of murder drones, please go and watch if you haven’t done so yet!!

A bunch of apps in the beginning of the episode, one of them being labeled as "ydrone", except it’s cut off and impossible to read as the frame zooms out,,,

"I use as much fossil fuels as possible - I hate the environment 💯" I LITERALLY GIGGLED.

Tried to save their friend and ended up getting their oil on their face. I just thought that was a pretty neat detail, but also being a bit sad at the same time.

Area of one of the teaser images, nice one , glitch!!

Wonderful parallel to episode 5. I love how she has to make herself taller to hold him. SO SILLY….💥💥

Pretty sure everyone’s been talking about this scene, so hopefully this comes handy in future episodes.

I absolutely love depictions of digital hologram screens, they are so awesome to me!!!!! This looks so cool , i am normal i am norma

She is so fucking scary like this. I love her.

Anddddd another…

tinkering with his hair, OUGH…. shes so silly (aside from her evil silliness)

BITING HIS HAT💥💥💥😭,,i love how he even looks up !!!!!!

There is a literally human handprint (2 of them) and what looks like if someone ran into the glass? Unless there was an "incident". Also, the raptor scratch marks don’t help either,,,erm

This show is SO fucking good at making me feel uncomfortable/unsettled, dude if I saw this I would send my ass right back up. aint no way I’m staying down here for more than 3 minutes

In fact, Human made security this human can’t control. "Maybe".

I get so abnormal when Uzi blushes it’s just so SILLYYY!!!!! like shes genuinely happy!!!!!

Uzi nodding her head when N’s right about the elevator being labeled. These 2 idiots I swear /pos

Childgiggle.mp3

SHES SO.COOL ..also Blue eye, interesting:3

"System standby" and also I believe this is the first time we get a glimpse of Uzi’s screen??

Sentinel doodle on red sticky note paper, and an override code labeled = 1234, dunno if that’s anything but here you go,,

The worker that was trying to save their friend in the beginning?? Yeah, there she is, on the table being dissected

Also, I may be stupid, but if that is yet ANOTHER Peter griffin death pose reference i am literally going to explode.

The bottles are labeled with names, and also ones that say "Corrupted core". I don’t know if anyone pointed this out but I just found it interesting to me.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH /p

N you idiot i also love you so much,what was even the point of saying this😭😭

Gross robot gore, also why is he so smiley…i understand he wants to be supportive but like.cmon your fucking rib cage is showing dude

—— CONTINUED IN THREAD/PART 2!!!!!

[i-luvsang]

the voicemail he leaves you – ateez

gn!reader , fluff , cw : mentions of food and drinks (in yeosang, wooyoung, and jongho's), usage of pet names (love, darling, my sweets, baby)

hongjoong – “hey love, let me know when you get this. i know you’re in a meeting right now and i know i can just text you, but i just thought, yknow… a voicemail might be nice, i guess. anyways, i was just gonna tell you that you left your sweater in my studio the other day and not to worry about coming to get it, i’ll drop it off at your apartment tonight. love you, see you in a few hours.”

seonghwa – “hi darling. will you call me when you get the chance? i can’t figure out where to put the bouquet of flowers we got this morning, and it was too hard to explain over text. should they go on the coffee table, or the dining table, or maybe in the bedroom? none of them look quite right, but the flowers always look nice when you place them. i love you, talk to you soon.”

yunho – “my sweets! why aren’t you picking up your phone? don’t tell me it died again, you silly. anyways, text or call me when you get this!! i have something to give to you, and no, before you ask, it’s not a puppy. and yes, before you ask, you’ll still like it. hurry and charge your phone so i can see you soon! ba bye, love you.”

yeosang – “hi, i um, don’t really leave voicemails much but i had a few questions and i guess i just figured it’d be easier than texting… and you said that you liked– nevermind, just, um… do you need me to grab anything from the store later today? and do you have anything in mind that you want for dinner tomorrow? also i was wondering which place you get that one drink you like. just let me know whenever you can.”

san – “hi baby! i wanted to talk to you, but it looks like you’re busy, so this will have to do. i’ll be home pretty soon, by the way, i’m in the car right now. which is funny, usually you’re there before me. today wooyoung tried to show me a new song, but you already showed that one to me yesterday. did you listen to any more songs by that artist? i didn’t get the chance yet. i’ve got to go, but i love you!”

mingi – “baby, i miss you. call me when you wake up, will you? i don’t care if it’s late where i am, but i want to talk to you. you can even get ready for work while on the phone, but i swear i might die if i don’t hear your voice soon. i have to go now, but i love you!! i love you so, so much. i hope you’re sleeping well right now. talk to you soon!”

wooyoung – “baby!! i’m bored. have you listened to that song i sent you yet? i swear you’ll love it, it’s just your type of song. oh! and did you see that pair of pants i sent? what do you think of them, should i buy them? also, i was wondering if you wanted me to get soda or juice for dinner tonight. or both. just text me when you get off work. love you lots!”

jongho – “hi, i was at the grocery store and i couldn’t remember which snacks besides your favorites you wanted me to get, so i just grabbed a ton. so don’t be surprised by the abundance of bags on your counter when you get home. i had to go back to work, but call me when you get home, okay? and text me when you leave work, too.”

[lyracasstuff]

Heya!! I actually just found your blog and I would like to say how amazing your writing it! Aaaa it's so cute and you seem very sweet!! <3

I came here to ask for a idv match up! I'm a female, she/her, I'm bi but I do have a preference towards men. Also, I don't mind a survivor or hunter!! Whatever you feel like atm dear. I'm very energetic when you get me in the right mood!! I love baking and editing! I also quite like photography. I'm a very loving person but can get cold if I feel bad so it's a bad habit TwT. I do give lots of compliments to people and it may seem like i like them but I just really like pointing out nice things about people. I love hugs and kisses especially!! I love it if my s/o could give me attention but not too much yknow? Like i want them to be happy with their life with me and their life outside of our relationship. Umm I hope that's enough!! Thank you for making your blog! It is very nice!! You're doing great!! I appreciate you <3 (ps. Make sure to eat and drink enough~)

Thank you for caring about my health dearie~ Honestly,, I could also say the same for you..(｡･ω･｡)

And I'm quite glad that you enjoy reading my blog posts! It means quite a lot for me whenever I hear people enjoying my blog as much as I enjoy writing them..( ´ ▽ ` )

After much thinking,, I've decided to match you up with...

Joseph Desaulnier!!📷

Let's first address the big elephant in the room: Photography..（・∀・）

Since the both of you love photography,, I can most *definitely* imagine you two taking pictures of scenery found in the manor..

As well as *some* of the silly things that happen outside of matches.. Although,, it's more on your end than Joseph's..

However,, I must also remind you that you WILL be bombarded with questions partaining to your "equipment"..(｡･ω･｡)

Whether it'd be a modern HD camera or your smartphone,, it's safe to assume that Joseph will be VERY much curious about these "equipment" that you have brought from the "future" ((even though we call it anything *but* from the future..))

"Are you telling me that this camera of yours can capture pictures instantly??? With just a simple press of a button??? Then, does that mean you won't have to stand for long periods of time to take your picture???"

((Fun fact: the first cameras that were patented require you to stand for long periods of time to take your picture which explains why plenty of the pictures during the Victorian Era were people staying in one position like standing..))

"This "smartphone" can ALSO capture pictures?? Would you mind showing me how, ma chérie??"

"The quality of the pictures are ABSOLUTELY DIVINE! From what time period must you be to access this kind of machinery, ma chérie???"

I highly suggest that you study your equipment thoroughly because Joseph *will* be asking questions about your photography equipment..

Well,, that and Joseph will *literally* fumble with *every* single nook and cranny of said equipment where he might actually break something on accident..

Which is rare for the gentlemanly and disciplined Joseph,, however we ARE talking about one of his biggest passions here..╮(─▽─)╭

Another topic here that is perhaps connected somehow is editing!!（⌒▽���）

Joseph is quite astonished when you told him one time that photos can be tweaked from your time period..

Now, on one hand,, he is amused as he sometimes *does* struggle with getting the perfect picture when the environment around him just isn't having it..

But he also can't fathom the idea of people actually editing their photos so much that sometimes,, the unedited version looks far too different than the edited version...

When I say that,, I specifically mean people who probably use photoshop just a *bit* too much..(^_^;)

Not that there is anything wrong about it as everyone knows.. After all,, sometimes we just use it solely for entertainment by making weird, abstract collages of people..

((Like photoshopping a bunch of characters from different fandoms to make some sort of crack-crossover movie poster..╮(─▽─)╭))

It just that Joseph prefers less edited photos as he believes that a photo can shine on it's own when it's taken skillfully..

((Another fun fact: Based from what I can gather, the French in the 1800s preferred a more natural look, which is evident by their choices in makeup like powder for the face or some simple rouge for the lips and cheeks.. Of course,, we are excluding the hair as we all know that big, elaborate wigs were all the rage in this era..))

In fact,, he might even throw a *little* shade towards photos that are super edited...(◎_◎;)

Pls tell him to calm down and not insult people who do something similar to that.. It'll only escelate and get worse in the future..

Okay,, now that we've discussed those, I think we shall head on over to other things, don't you think??（・∀・）

Another reason as to why I paired you with Joseph is because of your upbeat and loving energy!!（〜^∇^)〜🧡

Joseph's life before the manor was already pretty gloomy, and it hasn't really improved when he got into the manor..

So your very energetic and affectionate nature will surely bring in some lost warmth to his life!!（＞ｙ＜）

Although,, please be patient with him for at least a little while.. After all, him *suddenly* receiving love and attention is a bit overwhelming for him to process all at once..╮(─▽─)╭

When he *does* gets used to it, he appreciates it very much..(∩_∩)

With that being said however,, he is still quite disciplined about the time that you two spend together AND the time that you two spend seperately from each other so you won't have to worry about having your boundaries being meshed together..（・∀・）

On the topic of affections,, Joseph will actually be a bit shocked to hear you dish out compliments to everyone in the manor.. And quite frankly,, as well as everyone else that you complimented

((Listen,, we're talking about the Victorian Era,, where modesty is highlighted as a core value..))

I'll be honest in saying that for a split-second,, Joseph *might've* actually thought of you as a flirtatious person

So when you explained to him that that's just how you are and that you just like to point out nice things about other people,, he's confused..(^_^;)

"Wait, but you complimented Mike's juggling act. Shouldn't that mean that you would like to court him??"

"Didn't you tell Victor that you thought he was sweet?? Pardon me for asking this, but are you... Interested in him, ma chérie?"

You're going to have to explain to him that just because you like a certain aspect of a person,, that doesn't mean you actually like them AS A WHOLE...

He may or not have demanded that you bake for him the next time that you two will have your afternoon tea together..(⌒_⌒;)

It's his "apology gift" as he puts it...

Okay,, I know I said that Joseph absolutely appreciates your loving side,, but he also *adores* your more "colder" side..

And no,, it's not because he's a masochist..(｡･ω･｡)

See, as much as Joseph relishes in the feeling of protecting someone he cares/loves.. Even he can admit that sometimes,, it gets too exhausting when your partner is the *literal definition* of a walking doormat..

I don't know about you,, but I kind of picture Joseph as someone who wants to have a partner that, at the *very least*,, can stand on their own two feet.. It gives Joseph a sense of pride,, see???

In conclusion,, I personally think that you and Joseph would work wonders for each other!! Different in your personalities, but united through the same common interest of photography.. I'd say its a decent balance of "opposites attract" and "similarities attract"..

🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷

Author's note: On the topic of people photoshopping the heck out of their photos.. DON'T HARRASS/BULLY/INSULT THEM PLEASE!!! I will be blunt in saying that I frankly do not care whatever your intentions were, because when you strip said intentions away from the grand scheme of things,,

All that's left is a situation where someone insulted/bullied/harassed another person just for editing their photos a bit too much..

And when you put it like that,, wouldn't you agree that it sounds idiotic? Because in all honesty, it is..(¬_¬) After all,, those photos won't be affecting you much in the long run now,, would they??

And even if you said that you did it with good intentions, the way you acted upon these "intentions" was poorly done when it could've been handled *much* more efficiently...

So in short,, pls don't harrass anyone that you know that does these to their photos, it's not only for their sake but also yours..( ´ ▽ ` )

I apologize for ranting like that,, however I feel as though these types of situations are completely meaningless AND avoidable had it not been for the people that continue to stick their fingers into others' honeyjars.. So I personally as though it needs to be said.. Again, sorry if this rant is a bit unsettling and a bit "rough on the edges"..(⌒_⌒;)

Well that's about it.. Until next time,, I'll see you all in my next post!!ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ💚

[nobody-knose--archive]

i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

two years too late, chapter f o u r t e e n 

You’d pulled your hat low over your face, sunglasses pressed up to your cheeks to ensure some level of privacy. You’d been recognized three times already--which was definitely a new record for the same 24 time span. 

“Jesus,” Jake laughed when the third girl walked away. “Used to think we’d only have to deal with one famous friend.”

You pushed away from him, skates gliding on the clean ice in Central Park. It’d been a hike and a half up to the Northeast corner in the first place, and now all you wanted was to skate in peace. 

“M’sorry--I wish I could make it not happen.” A beat of silence when none of them responded. “Yknow, that’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone at work about me and Harry being friends. I work in a field where it’s my job to talk about celebrities. I didn’t want to have to do it on my lunch break, too.”

You wouldn’t have been so straightforward with them if Harry had tagged along. He blamed his absence on a last minute meeting, but it offered a breath of fresh air and some space to actually breathe it. 

“I get it,” Bryn said, skating to catch up with you in front of the others. Jessie clung to the wall with Adam, Jake tried his best to not skate circles around all of you. 

“You do?”

“I do,” she nodded, linking her arm in yours. “Some of my coworkers know and they’ve been all over me trying to get tickets for the tour. I don’t tell Harry that, though--he’d feel obligated to hand ‘em over.”

“Exactly. I just didn’t want to deal with it.”

“It can be kind of cool, you know. I told my boss about it and he let me take a day off from work once without even using PTO cause Harry was in town,” Adam’s mouth was stretched into a silly smile. 

“Your boss is a wanker,” Jessie said. “And apparently he’s a pushover too.”

“He is both of those things, yes,” Adam laughed. 

Jake slowed down to fall back into the group. “So Smalls, what are you going to do about the interview?”

Another groan from your lips, two little boys skated past you, pushing against each other’s big winter coats to beat the other to the exit. “Nothing. Maybe just not do it.”

“Oh shut up,” Jessie said. “You have to.”

“I know,” you sighed. “S’the biggest story I’ve gotten. And it’s not that I totally don’t want people to know I knew him--it’s more that my boss will be livid when she finds out I’ve lied to her all this time.”

“You can’t give it to someone else?” Bryn’s head tilted to the side, Jake’s eyebrows went north. 

“S’an idea. Have a coworker who could take it on? You could fake pneumonia. Be out of commission for a week or two.”

“Might as well,” you laughed.

“Y’know, Smalls,” Adam offered a sympathetic look. “He was pretty upset last night.”

“He was? About what?”

“That you downplayed everything so much.”

“Alright, maybe s’not the time,” Jessie tried to defuse the situation, as if Adam’s words didn’t strike up curiosity in your bones. 

“What do you mean?”

“He really likes you,” Adam said. “I think he’s sad it didn’t work.”

“Okay,” you spun around to face him, stopping dead in your icy tracks. “He was dating someone else at first--and he didn’t tell me. I had to see photos of them online and confront him!”

“He should have told you,” Jake said, now skating backwards around Bryn. “But he really only saw her to end it. He told me.”

Bryn let out a short laugh. “And you believe him?” 

“You don’t?” Adam shot back.

“I dunno,” she said. “I mean, why wouldn’t he have just told her if he ended it? S’not a big deal that he was seeing someone. It happens!”

You held up a hand, hoping to silence them without having to get loud. “S’between me and him, alright? I appreciate the concern for both of us,” you shot Adam a pointed look, “but s’fine.”

“We’ve been trying to trust the two of you to figure it out for a decade, Y/N,” Jessie let out a breath as if she’d been keeping it in for ages. “Feels like you could both use a little help.”

“We don’t need help. I just--I need space,” you said. 

And it was true--at first you were sure you’d never want to speak to him again. When the gang first showed up you were convinced that you’d have a miserable time in his presence and be counting down the days until they left, freeing you from any obligation to interact with him. 

But now, after museum glimpses of normalcy before Jessie’s outburst, you were wondering if maybe you should have coffee--just the two of you--after they left. 

And maybe you’d get something close. The next morning when you were sat on Harry’s leather sofa for the last time as a group of six, he made some joke about how you never could seem to remember where the wine glasses were. It felt almost like he was testing the water--seeing where things stood as two people who were about to be set free into a busy city with no real reason now to see each other. Unless you wanted to. 

And when you hugged them all goodbye in the lobby, watching as Roger rebuilt the mountain of luggage in his car, you felt like maybe now was the time to say something. But he said it first. 

The last door was shut, Jake’s outline barely visible through the tinted glass as Roger put the car in drive.

“D’ya want a cup of tea?”

You looked up at him, a swell in your chest and an answer from your lips before he could take it back. “Sure.” Up the lift and into his flat, the kettle on the stove while you sat at the counter. 

“Thanks for having them come,” you said, shoulders up to your ears. “Even though things were weird, for a minute.”

“Course,” he said, arms crossed over his chest. A long pause, enough quiet to hear the heating kick on and a siren outside the thick windows. “You know, Y/N, I want to be friends with you.”

You looked up at him, your heart in your stomach at his words--a true sign that you wanted more, as if you hadn’t known until he offered words that fell short. “Oh,” you said. “Okay.”

He shifted on his feet, his eyes bringing heat to your face when you finally looked back up at him. “Okay?” He laughed a little, leaning forward on the counter. “S’all you have to say?”

“I don’t know what to say, Harry--fine, we can be friends.”

His eyes narrowed in your face, he licked his lips before parting them to speak. “Are you even curious about my side of it?”

“You already tried to explain your way out of it, Harry. What else do you have t’say?”

“I just want you to listen to me!” His voice was more emotional than usual, as if the tightrope you’d both been walking on had suddenly wrapped around his heart. 

“I already did listen!”

“No, Smalls, you didn’t, really.”

“So--okay, then. You want me to agree with you, forgive you really, not listen,” you corrected. He rolled his eyes at that. 

A text from Jessie lit up your phone, his did the same thing only a few inches away. You sighed, thumbing back a reply, making them promise to keep you updated on their travel home. 

He waited--patiently watching as you replied and set it back on the granite counter. When you looked up at him, he searched your face. “I should have told you.”

“I know,” you said. 

“I was too afraid to tell you because everything was going well. For the first time ever, really. Felt too good to be true and I was afraid I’d fuck it up if I admitted that I had seen her.”

“I get it.”

“You do?”

A nod. 

“Are you still mad?”

“I don’t know, Harry--I’m exhausted, is what I am.” He didn’t say anything, his eyes begged you to continue. “I can’t do the back and forth anymore. The friends, not friends, talking, not talking. S’been an exhausting eight years since you left home. Maybe not for you, but it has been for me.”

The kettle whistled, he pulled it off before it could scream and flipped off the burner. His voice was quiet. “I know.”

“I never knew if I was going to see you or hear from you and I don’t want to have some weird type of relationship with you that isn’t,” a pause, searching for the word when he slid a teacup across the counter. “Stable.”

“I want it to be stable.”

“I think the only way for us to have that is just,” you trailed off when he nodded, set his tea on the counter and traced a pattern on the counter with just one finger. 

“To be friends.”

“Yeah.”

You only stayed for another ten minutes, finished the tea and laughed at a picture of his sister’s new cat. He paused awkwardly at the door when you said goodbye, a hand shoved into his pocket before he could let it wrap around you.

**

Carly brushed at her hair with her fingers--desperate to go out into the sunny weather for lunch. She stood over your cube, watching as you finished typing a list on the best memes from last week’s episode of the Bachelor. 

“S’that the Harry story?” She whispered as if it was still a secret, as if you didn’t give the same nervous update in staff meeting every week._ S’going well_, you’d say. Making good progress. 

No one needed to know you were lying, that is, except for Carly. 

“No,” you rolled your eyes, clicking out of your story so it’d be queued up for Gabrielle to edit and proof. “S’taking forever, honestly. I haven’t got the slightest clue how to do it. I was planning on actually taking some time tonight to give it another go.”

You grabbed for your wallet, tugging your coat on before you followed her out of your space. 

“How’ve things been with him? Still, y’know, fighting over wine?” She offered a smirk, one that threatened to be challenging, but you weren’t in the mood to divulge more. 

“S’fine, we’re over it.”

She pressed the button for the lift, looked up to see the bright green numbers start to descend above the doors. “Having everyone in town was good, right?”

“Yeah, a lot of fun, turned twenty-four. You know, a real wild week out of the office.” 

You stepped inside and rode it down, shifting aside for other people to cram on for the lunch time rush. When you found your way down the block, she pressed harder. “Any idea what you’re going to do about Whitney?”

You shook your head, thankful for the oversized sunglasses that shielded from the winter sun. 

“D’you think you could just lie? Just write as if you don’t know him and hope for the best?”

“If only I’d be so lucky,” you laughed. “Just doesn’t seem realistic. M’still surprised that people haven’t put it together. I made all of my friends delete photos or go private or whatever on social media.”

“Right,” she nodded, a pause at the intersection. “Any more obnoxious tweets?” 

“Only one that I saw that made it seem like they’ll figure it out eventually.” She raised her brows with intrigue. “Someone said a picture of me looked a lot like a different picture of me from a few years ago.”

She let out a noise of concern, shoving past someone who moved too slow through the crosswalk. “What do you think you’ll do, then?”

“I’ve got to tell her at some point. The question is how.”

“D’you think she’ll fire you?”

“Don’t know,” you said, voice lower now. “Wouldn’t be surprised. So, I dunno. Maybe I should look for other jobs.”

She let her mouth pull to one side of her face, sympathy clouding her eyes. She let it go, though, changing the topic to a new bar she’d tried over the weekend and a partially successful date she’s had on Saturday. He at least split the check with me, she laughed, which is better than the last one who made me pay. 

You ate on the plush red sofas on the twenty-second floor, pretended like the dread of telling Whitney didn’t crop up inside of you every time she popped her pretty head out of her pretty office. 

“You know,” Carly’s voice was low when you tossed your take out in the bin. “If you really don’t want to write it, see if she’ll let you transfer it to someone. M’super busy, but, I would obviously jump at that opportunity,” she stifled a grin that tried to break loose on her cheeks. 

“Tried that,” you said, defeated. “I asked Whitney why she didn’t give it to you in the first place seeing as you’ve always been a fan.”

“What? You did?” Carly stopped in her tracks, her face a different shade of winter pale than it had been. “What did she say?”

“I dunno, Carly, something dumb. It was a while ago, I don’t remember,” it was a lie, but you weren’t about to tell her that. 

“Oh come on, she must have given a reason why she wanted you to do it.” She fell back into step with you now, her eyes still trained on your face with purpose.

You let out a sigh, wishing you could crawl into the safe reprieve of warm sheets--specifically ones that still had a lingering smell of a certain someone. “I dunno, something about wanting it to come from someone less biased, or a more professional outlook, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“What?” She seemed to whisper-hiss in your ear, her fingers wrapping around your elbow to slow you down. “She thought I’d be unprofessional?”

“No, no--that’s not what she said. I told you I don’t even remember! She just wanted me to do it since she thought I wasn’t a fan.”

Her face fell, you couldn’t tell which emotion had taken hold of her. Her eyebrows dipped together and she pursed her lips. “That’s shitty of her--I wouldn’t have been unprofessional!”

“Carly,” you stopped now, turning to face her and ready to backtrack. You knew that Whitney hadn’t been the nicest about her reasoning, but you weren’t about to get into it. “Relax--she was just trying to throw me a bone, remember? She knew I was pissed about being stuck on lists and she was trying to do something nice.”

She let out a sigh, reaching up to fix her pony tail that fell over her shoulder. “If she’d given it to me you wouldn’t be in this mess. She wouldn’t be in this mess with you. Our entire company wouldn’t be in this mess.” 

“S’not a mess,” you defended, head pulled away from her in offense. “M’sorting it out, I told you.”

“Right, Y/N, the blurred lines in your friendship with a subject aren’t problematic at all.” She put air quotes around the platonic label, immediately pulling a scoff from your mouth. 

“What’s that--” you let your fingers bend like hers had, “--supposed to mean?” 

She pulled you into her own cube, small enough to offer privacy but big enough to fit the two of you. “You really haven’t slept with him? You’ve never even kissed? Find it hard to believe with the way he looks at you!”

You inhaled and held it, eyes on her as you contemplated just blowing it all. Her lips curled up at the corners a bit, a laugh from her lips and a softened expression. “Y/N--just admit it. Aside from the fact that you’re writing about him it’s not a big deal. I can handle the fact that him and I will never work out,” she teased. 

“I can’t tell you all about it here,” you said, voice quiet as you scanned the room to make sure no one else had heard. 

“Fine,” she nodded. “Then let’s do dinner tomorrow night.”

So when you were alone on your own sofa that night, you begged your brain to try to come up with something good enough to publish. You’d lit a candle, put on some music, and drew the curtains. Only a few steps short of a satanic ritual after Alyssa left to meet Owen’s friends. She’d offered to bring you along, but you said you needed the space. 

What you didn’t tell her was that you needed the space to cry or freak out or experience whatever would come pouring out of you when you finally had a minute to process the last few months. 

You’d never been much of a crier--save for a good shower sob or drunken outburst--and now wasn’t much different. You sat at first and stared at your computer screen, bullet points scattered a blank white page that mocked you. 

Friends. You and Harry were friends. He’d been one for a long time, really. Someone who knew you better than most people and someone who knew exactly how to piss you off and make up for it in the same moment. 

You’d been walking a tightrope for the last decade, pushing and pulling and wondering when or if it would give. Separated by oceans or continents and still dreaming that one day your lives would align again. 

And they have, you know that now. But they’ve aligned in a way that felt messier than before--which you didn’t know was possible. 

The version of Harry that Whitney wanted you to write about was someone you didn’t know--one with perfectly coiffed hair and a personal assistant. So you decided that if you didn’t know how to tell the story of that Harry, the one who had celebrities on speed dial and didn’t hesitate to order top shelf liquor, you wouldn’t. You’d tell the story of your Harry. 

And when you did that, the words fell onto the keyboard and jumped onto paper, promising that the truth was better than any fiction you could craft. 

**

A text from Alyssa the next morning made your stomach sink to your feet. 

Alyssa (8:43am): Okay, not to ruin your day so early, but I just saw these.

Pictured from LA. Ones that you could easily explain. You could find them on instagram and defend your case in the comments. See that bag? It’s got a laptop and tape recorder inside. For professional purposes only.

You let a sigh escape your lips, fine, it was fine. It wasn’t like people didn’t know that you knew Harry at all--it was really just a secret now that you’d known him for so long. Or, at least, it was a secret until you could tell Whitney yourself. 

You’d decided--after staring at the blinking cursor on your screen for a good three hours the night before--that you wanted to at least give her the story before you really came out with it. That way, in case you somehow managed to catch her on a day where she was willing to overlook unprofessionalism, unethical behavior, and an altogether shitty situation, she at least had the chance to realize how skillful of a writer you were. 

You hoped that after an eventful and exhausting few months the universe had some kind of good karma coming your way. But then the guilt of lying set in and you were back to planning an exit strategy and a plan B for what would happen if Whitney didn’t see the good in you. 

You thumbed out a response to Alyssa right after you got off the subway. 

Y/N L/N (8:47am): ugggghhhh

Y/N L/N (8:47am): at least no one has put it all together yet

Which was true. You only had to deal with the mess you’d made for a few more days. Your story was due on Friday, Harry left for tour a few days after, and hopefully, things could return to some semblance of normal. Though you couldn’t quite imagine what normal would look like now. 

You climbed the steps up to street level, thankful that the sun had decided to fight its way through the late February cloud cover. When you were upstairs and at your desk, another message came through that you weren’t quite expecting. 

Pat Martin (9:01am): Would love to grab dinner or a drink one night this week if you’re free!

You stared at it for a second, reading over the words a few times before you were able to make any sense of them. A date--this time you were sure of it. 

But did you want that? Did you want to blur the lines between professionalism and romance for the second time in six weeks?

You put your phone face down on your desk, booted up your computer and then checked email. Whitney strolled by you with a bagel in hand, a smile on her face, and a pep in her step. 

“How’s the big story coming?”

“Good,” you said, a solemn nod before you blinked twice, a small smile on your face. “Worked on it last night.”

It was probably the first honest response you’d given her about it. She adjusted the bagel in her grasp, crinkling the wax paper that kept her hands clean. “Can’t wait to read it. You’ll give it to me by Friday?”

“Uh huh,” you nodded again, praying she couldn’t smell the fear in you. 

When she left you alone at your paper-cluttered desk, you typed out a response to Pat before you could overthink it. 

Y/N L/N (9:06am): Sure! Any chance you’re free tonight? 

He was quick to type back--you wondered if he was somewhere in LIC late to work, rushing from the subway or already situated at his desk. 

Pat Martin (9:07am): I can be in the city by 6:30? Wanna meet somewhere near you?

You stared at the message and got lost in thought. It’d been a while since you’d been on a date--at least, one that really felt like one. 

There was a kid at uni after Charlie--a boy from class who always wore these horrific shoes. He was sweet and nice but nothing about him sent a spark through you. In fact, you felt altogether quite unimpressed with his presence after 45 minutes so you cut the date short and headed back to your dorm. 

You hoped that this would be different--that Pat wouldn’t want to talk about work the entire time and that maybe he’d walk you home. 

More than anything, though, you hoped he’d numb the ache in your chest for Harry. 

“Morning,” Carly’s blonde hair was blonder than the day before, loose curls falling around her shoulders. “Care to brainstorm with me for new topics in twenty?”

“Sure,” you said, straightening your posture as if you hadn’t just been pulled away into a daydream of men. “Yeah, wanna grab the conference room downstairs?”

She agreed and laughed hysterically when you told her about your set up the night before. Only needed a candle and a picture of him! She teased, if you chanted loud enough you probably could have summoned him. The afternoon slipped out of your hands, quick and busy, and when the sun was seeping between the cracks of tall buildings, you headed for the bar down the street where you’d agreed to meet Pat. 

When your arm was outstretched for the door, your phone started buzzing in your pocket. You pulled it out, unsure of who needed you or who would skip straight to a phone call rather than a text. 

But of course, Harry’s name and a stupid selfie he’d taken only a few weeks back lit up your screen. Your finger hovered over the decline button. Three rings, four, then your thumb hit the green button, feet frozen on the sidewalk. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, Smalls--s’me. What--uh, what are you up to?”

“Just got out of work,” you said, true. “Grabbing a drink with Carly.”

“Oh, nice,” he paused for a second but then got right to it. “Listen--I have a thing on Thursday night. A dinner thing. I was wondering if you’d want to tag along?”

You were quiet, teeth tugging at your bottom lip when a gust of winter air blew. “As, like, a date?”

“N--no. Not as a date if you don’t want it to be as a date.”

“I thought we were just friends.”

“We are.”

“Okay.”

“Okay you’ll come?”

“Okay I’ll think about it,” you told him, a firmness in your voice that you didn’t think you’d ever used with him before. A firmness that hindered any hope in his response. 

“Oh--yeah. Alright. I’ll uh, I’ll talk to you later, then.”

“Okay,” you hung up without a farewell, shoving the phone back in your pocket before taking another deep breath. An event? You had no idea what that would entail or what you were supposed to wear or say or do. It felt too vague to commit to and yet too interesting and intriguing to decline. So you tucked the decision away in your mind, saving it for a conversation with Alyssa and maybe even a glass of wine over FaceTime with Jessie and Bryn.

You pushed the door open and stepped inside from the stinging cold. Pat was already there--a stool at the bar with his jacket still on. He offered a side hug when you walked up beside him, a somewhat sheepish grin sat lazily on his face. 

“How was your day?” He asked in greeting, settling back into his seat.

You let out a sigh and nodded. “Good, fine. Starving though.”

“Best nachos in the city, here, so that’s good.”

The bartender materialized in front of you, eyebrows raised to take your order. 

“I’ll do a Blue Moon,” Pat leaned forward a little when he ordered, his eyes fleeting over to you. “And the nachos.”

“I will also do a Blue Moon,” you nodded, a smile in his direction once you were alone again.

“Why the sigh about work?” He folded his hands together on the dark wooden counter, scratched and dents told the stories of customers past. 

“Just busy, is all. Big story coming up.”

“Yeah? What about?”

“Harry Styles, actually. An interview.”

His eyes went wide, the glow of neon wall decor lit up his irises in the dim room. “S’a big deal.”

“Yeah, so the stress level is a bit higher than usual.”

“Understandable. Interviewing one of the biggest celebrities in the world would certainly leave me with a lot of sleepless nights.”

You nodded, biting your lip to keep from telling him the truth. It was harder than that, really, seeing as you had to fight the feelings in your heart and all the while deal with a level of confusion--both professionally and personally--that you’d never known before. 

You returned the pleasantry. “How was your day? Anything new and exciting at Digitize?”

“Not really--mostly spent the day looking forward to this,” he offered you a cheeky smirk, pulling his eyes back down to his hands when the bartender delivered two glasses--foam reaching up to the rims. He picked his up and held it in the air, waiting for you to let yours clink against his.

“Cheers,” you said, the drink jumped over the edged and trickled its way down to your hand. “To a Tuesday night.”

He was nice--he told you about his brother and his favorite band. He talked about New York and wanted to hear all about England._ Is it true that everyone has to curtsey or bow to the Queen?_ He asked. 

Only if you’re lucky enough to meet her, you told him. 

He was intrigued by your desire to move west--to find some solace in the States and give up the opportunities that surely would have been afforded to you if you moved to London. A fair question, absolutely, but you weren’t quite at the point to give him the truth. 

Staying in London meant a higher likelihood of having to deal with Harry, bumping into him at work events or covering different things he did--or at least, so you thought. 

So you didn’t tell him everything he probably would have liked to know. You left out pieces of your life--details like the LA trip or your recent birthday celebrations didn’t seem like they were appropriate topics of conversation for only one drink and a plate of nachos in. 

And you wondered when he walked you back to the subway if you’d ever get to that point with him, because the moment his lips touched yours, quick and chaste and extremely politely, your cellphone started to feel like it was burning a hole in your pocket.

The N train pulled up and you hugged him goodbye, promising to see each other again soon. But when the doors shut between you and the rest of the world, your fingers typed out a message and pressed send before you could think better of it. 

Y/N L/N (7:15pm): What do I have to wear if I come?

come talk to me about tytl

read the other parts here

AN: on the shorter side but you best all be gearing up for a wild FINAL FEW CHAPTERS. Yes, that’s right. Either chap 15 or 16 will be the end...still writing and editing all that so stay tuned! so much love to all of you who’ve tagged along on this wild ride!!! 

tag list:  @clorenafila @ainsleesolareclipse @castawaycths @harryspirate @wanderlustiing @ursamajor603 @thurhomish @omgsharry  @stepping-into-the-light @rachkon @jdcharliewhiskey  @shawnsblue  @gendryia @g0bl1nqueen  @laula843  @flooome  @a-woman-without-a-plan@awomanindeniall  @shaw-nm @staceystoleyourheart @ohprettylittlemind-deactivated2 @anssu-amry @my-fandomful-life2 @stylesfantasy @bookingbee  @mleestiles  @haute-romance-quotidienne  @craic-head-horan @talk-british-2-me-britbritharry @at-least-im-1 @paigemck00 @rawmeharry @pinkpolaroidgirl @blackxxmagicc @sksspotkitty @nearbyou @kalesouffle @sunnflowerchild @lmk12310 @sing-me-a-song-harry @afterstylesmadeit @myhat @caritocp @liquor-and-intellect @harryinsweatersandbandanas @daydreamsofh

[mouseclub]

hi! i took your quiz and got "i hear a symphony" and i'm curious about the other results, but taking the quiz repeatedly is a hassle. could you post them or something? idk man

if you’d like me to, then sure!! fair warning though, i can’t remember if i mentioned it in the results page but the rest are nowhere near as pretty and are mostly kindof silly stories and memories about weird things that have gotten me disproportionately emotional lol. either way, i’ll put them all under the cut :)

claire de lune (but specifically from the danganronpa v3 ost)

CONTEXT: i'm the type that can listen to a song on repeat for literal hours while drawing/writing but one time i listened to this for around 40 minutes while making a drv3 animatic and it ended up throwing me into an existential crisis so fuckin hard i started questioning what i was doing with my life and why i was drawing and i had to turn everything off and go to bed. what this says about you is up for interpretation. godspeed

fuyunohanashi - given

CONTEXT: the last few episodes of given were coming out when the 19-20 school year started and the episode with this song in it came out while i was in class. naturally, i sat there in my 7th period AP lang class and watched it on my phone. problem is, the scene when this song is played shatters me like 50 stacked panes of glass under a hydraulic press and i needed to cry but couldn't because the room was PIN-DROP SILENT. needless to say the moment class was over i made a run for it and cried like a little baby to my confused but ultimately supportive friends. you're a core high school memory and an Emotionally Taxing Bop and you remind me both of wintery cool tones and the silly school memories i wish i hadn't taken for granted. like a snow day except i'm from california so i've never had that sauce. i respect it regardless

everything she wants - wham

oh god the memories. this one was from when i was really head over heels obsessed w this dude and at my peak yearning hours i wrote a wattpad journal entry saying i was gonna listen to this song on repeat until i "fell out of love with him." i forget the details but i guess i did? what this says about you i have absolutely no idea but the song is still a whole vibe and you remind me of funky shades of pink and purple so i respect u immensely

unforgettable - natalie & nat king cole

this ones SUPER fuzzy in my brain but the weird nostalgia from my childhood combined with the weird movie end-credits vibes of this song make me forget that i'm a person when i'm listening. plus the weird calmness but sense of Oh God This Feels Like It Belongs At The End Of A Movie makes me feel like im about to get game-ended which is unnerving. probably the most subtle yet deeply cursed entry in this quiz. i see you

this side of paradise - coyote theory

CONTEXT: this song reminds me very specifically of a few of my comfort characters/ocs and when i heard it the first time it shattered me like glass (but in the good way). im telling you right now youre a BEAUTIFUL soul this is the one entry that's in here not because i was overwhelmingly sad but rather overwhelmingly Oh God Im So Fucking Soft And I Need To Cry About It For Twenty Minutes. anyways i care you thanks for quizzing

jet lag - nct 127

CONTEXT: last summer i got on a flight for the first time since i was a small child and i was STUPID scared but i listened to this during takeoff all 4 flights and let me tell you. did not help. the song itself is chill and you probably are too, but there's always a lingering sense of dread underneath i simply can't shake. do with all this information what you will.

verbatim - mother mother

i used to listen to this song to cheer up bc the lyrics are Haha Funny and it fucking bops but then i got evicted from my childhood home and it... stopped working. this breakdown is one of my core memories so congrats! ur one of the only motherfuckers in this joint that can handle me. if you take anything away from this know your vibes are IMMACULATE and i appreciate you

heaven - exo

CONTEXT: my synesthesia used to go absolutely bananas to this song bc its so YELLOW and the shapes that bounce around in my brain are very pleasant, but a few years ago i was writing fanfic and i wrote the scene where i killed off a character to this song on repeat for an hour and it has never been the same since. it's like when you look at something's surface and it looks pristine but you just Know there's something writhing underneath... but a less intense version of that feeling, because i know it's just the memory i tie to it that makes me feel this way and the yellow vibes cancel it out yknow

scrawny - wallows

this one's pretty short and stupid. i started thinking about a stupid anime boy that i thought had basically died while listening to this song and fuck bro. he really was a scrawny motherfucker w a cool hair style. cue the waterworks. but then after an entire day of on and off mourning i found out he turned out ok and stopped. no i will not elaborate on which boy i am holding onto my last shred of dignity here. what this says about you i'm not sure BUT youre probably cooler than me and your vibes are immaculate i know it in my heart

i hear a symphony - cody fry

this breakdown was yesterday! i was reccommended this song by a friend and immediately fell in love, but it didn't fully hit until the song's climax. and let me tell you. it BROKE me. the a capella beginning, with the piano slowly coming in, then the strings, and suddenly it's growing and crescendoing and-- there it is. my synesthesia goes wild and i lack the language to describe what it looks like other than absolutely grandiose and gold and christ i'm rambling but despite it's simplicity-- or maybe BECAUSE of its simplicity-- if love were a song, it'd be this one. almost all of the other entries are funny anecdotes where i seem to cry about the silliest things but this one i genuinely cannot come up with a joke for and i'm probably biased right now because i'm listening to it on repeat again but damn. you won. you're golden.

[eldritch-obscuritea]

The Fog In The Morning, Part 3

AN: Ahh, we’re finally almost done with the setup parts! Soon we’ll be approaching events more similar to what we know in the conventional Jeff the Killer story, albeit heavily modified cause I want to. Though don’t worry, more fun backstory tidbits will be tastefully employed in future parts too! Gotta leave stuff to discover and dramatically reveal, no? :P

Tags: @scary-lasagna, @habitradio, @peridoxal  (I feel like there’s some I forgot, sorry and please let me know X| )

Word Count: 985

Content: Some parent-kid tension, some insecurity, and a brief but moderately detailed mention of night terrors 

Part 2 Here!

“What do you mean we’ve gotta move?!” Jeff shouted. He was pacing quickly, only taking five or six steps before he had to turn around in the cramped living room. Liu watched, perched on a salmon-pink loveseat. 

Mr. Woods sighed. “I know this is difficult, but it’s for the better.” Jeff scoffed. “Listen Jeff,” said their father, “I’ll have a much better position there, which means I won’t have to work as much. We’ll have a better house too.” He smiled wryly. “At the very least, you’ll be able to angrily pace much more effectively.” 

“You’re crazy if you think I want your stupid house,” muttered Jeff, but he did stop pacing. He grumpily slouched against the loveseat, looking at Liu. “C’mon bro, don’t you think this whole moving thing is bonkers?”

Liu shook his head. He didn’t really have any attachment to the fairly small, one-story building. Something in him was almost glad that they would be leaving. 

Jeff turned back to Mr. Woods. “Alright, what does Mom think? Not that we see her enough to remember she exists, that crazy-”

“Don’t speak about your mother like that.” Mr. Woods sighed again, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “She agrees that moving is a good idea.” 

Jeff threw his hands into the air, then stormed out of the room. Mr. Woods looked at Liu apologetically, but Liu just shrugged, stood up, and trotted after Jeff. 

Liu entered their room, stepping casually around the piles of dirty laundry scattered on the floor. Jeff had clambered up to his bunk bed, and the old mattress protested loudly as he fell back against it, scowling. 

“This is totally balls.” Jeff huffed, turning away from Liu. After a moment, he turned back towards him, eyebrows furrowed. “Say, why don’t you think this is balls?” 

Liu shrugged. “I mean, I don’t have any friends here.” Jeff scoffed in disbelief, but Liu continued. “No really, not anyone I’d really miss. At least it’d be a new start, yknow?”

“Yeah, but I really liked my start here,” Jeff muttered. 

“Well, yeah.” Liu leaned cautiously against the bunk bed frame, glancing at Jeff. “But you’re so popular. I’m sure you’ll be able to make lots of friends in no time.” 

“I’m not.” 

This response surprised Liu a little, but not much. Sometimes he forgot that Jeff was his younger brother, and despite all the young boy’s bluster he did actually look up to his older sibling. Liu shivered slightly. 

“Well it’s not like we have a choice really,” said Liu hesitantly. “I mean, what would we even do?”

Jeff sighed. “I guess.” He turned back over, and Liu stood on his bunk so his eyes were barely able to see over Jeff’s mattress. The corner of a sketchbook peered back at him from over Jeff’s shoulder. 

Liu knew that Jeff had a sketchbook, though granted he had never been allowed to look inside it. Granted, that was technically only when Jeff was around. Otherwise, Liu knew that he always stuffed it in the gap between his bunk and the wall, trusting the bedframe to keep it from falling down to Liu’s bed. 

It usually did this quite well, and Liu had always respected Jeff’s privacy, but one day he had gone into the room and the sketchbook was lying open on his bed. On display was a dark, hastily hashed-in background with a grey, crudely sketched hand, positioned like it was shoving something away and out of the page. Where it met the sketchbook there was a line of paper, as if a page had been torn out. 

Liu had gently closed it, and quietly climbed up to Jeff’s bed, leaving it in its usual snugly hidden spot. Jeff never said anything to him about it, so Liu had figured that Jeff hadn’t noticed anything. 

“Quit staring at me.” Jeff had turned his head and caught Liu’s gaze. “I’m kinda working on something here.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” replied Liu, but he still hopped nimbly away from the bunk, landing squarely on one of the few clean patches of floor and settling into a crouch. As he stood up, stretching, he said, “Well, I’m probably gonna call it a night.”

Jeff scoffed. “Sure.”

Liu raised an eyebrow at this. “Well, since it’s nine-thirty?”

“Since when do you go to bed at nine thirty?”

“Uh…” Liu’s eyebrows furrowed. “Since pretty much always?”

Jeff snorted at that. “Yeah right, I’ve never seen you asleep before I am, and I’m usually awake till midnight.”

Liu shrugged. “Maybe you don’t pay attention to what goes on in the deep, hellish depths of The Lower Bunk.” He smiled slightly, and Jeff rolled his eyes. 

“Goodnight Jeff.”

“Yeah sure.”

Liu crawled onto his mattress, muscle memory allowing his fluffy brown hair to barely brush the bottom of Jeff’s bunk. It was a warm night, the first really humid night when spring turns into summer, so he just pulled the thin bedsheet over himself to keep out any drafts. 

He didn’t ask Jeff to turn out the lights, Liu never did. If Liu was honest with himself, he preferred the light to be on. He found it reassuring, and considering that he apparently still had night terrors it wasn’t the worst idea. At the least it meant that if one of their parents decided to try to reassure their shaking, wide-eyed, sometimes urine-soaked son, they wouldn’t have to try to navigate the room in the dark. He doubted they did anymore. After all, they were both busy people and since Liu never actually remembered the nightmares, he didn’t mind it much either way.

Of course, he’d never admit that he really rathered the light stay on all night, especially never to Jeff. What kind of fourteen-year old was still afraid of the dark? A silly one, that’s what. 

The old mattress creaked as Liu shifted, sighed, and closed his eyes.

[sothischickshe]

ff ask! 2, 6, 14

2. Which of your own fanfics have you reread the most? 

I DON’T KNOW, SO IM JUST GONNA YELL FOR A SEC. WHAT IS THIS CONSPIRACY OF PPL ‘KNOWING’ AND/OR ‘REMEMBERING’ THINGS ABOUT THEIR OWN LIFE???? SOUNDS MADE UP TO MEEEE

i honestly couldnt even begin to guess, but i randomly made a case for it being one of them but then was like nah probs not yknow, n the reasoning seemed vaguely compelling till i changed my mind. 

but one more reason i forgot abt: if i ever start getting in my head abt kudos or stats or w/e, i think i’m more likely to read one of mine that doesnt have a lot of numbers cos it’s a good reminder that popularity and quality are not nec. the same thing

(i mean if you ignore anon kudosbombing inflation, typically my multichapters got relatively loads of kudos and my ‘shots not so much, which feels fairly logical. but going from a trend of writing multichapters to writing mostly one shots (and probs also writing weirder things...?) it was a bit like Whoa. and then i got all chill abt it but then the anon kudosbombing rewired all my stats and i was like... What. i think im chill abt it again now, but yea especially cos my stories with the least (fewest?) kudos are pretty short anyway, if i start going mad, i think it’s good to reread one of them and be like: well *I* really like this, and i think it’s better written than (at least some of) my stories that have a load of kudos soooo who cares!)

6. Name three stories you found easy to write.

so this i have answered but three more i’d put on the easierish side:

iv. Even the best laid plans: idk, it fell out of me pretty fast and it was a lot of fun to write! it’s a fairly silly conceit that i clearly came up with when i was very stoned, and i had the bare bones of it in my head when i started but not a super concrete plan, and i was pretty happy with how i pulled it all together. (much less stressful than my first multi-chapter fic which was intended to be a one-shot that ended up spiralling and i was like IDK WHAT IM DOING HELP.) 

also it was the first time i wrote rio pov, and it was kinda based on the idea that s2 from his perspective must be absolutely bananas (WHO JUST HAS A SPARE BODY LYING AROUND TO ‘ACCIDENTALLY’ THROW AWAY??? WHO DOESNT ASK FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT???), and writing him as crankily long-suffering just sighing around all the time like NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME IT’S SO HARD BEING RIGHT ALL THE TIME was hilarious and...big relatable, haha. also it starts v silly but i kiiiiinda knew where it’d probs end up so it was quite fun sneak seriousing things

v. Uncontrollable notes, from her snowy white throat: this was my second one shot, after 3 multi-chaps in a row, so it was comparatively easy! also the first time i had the GENIUS idea of being like: fuckit, this is set in the FUTURE where they’ve sorted their shit out a bit. NO NEED FOR THE JOURNEY. LOOK AT THIS AMAZING IDEA I JUST INVENTED GUYS. also once it was written up and i was editing, i was hmming and hawing cos i was like ah, idk if i like the shape of it (first section is heavy set up n has a lot of anecdotes, then the sections get shorter n shorter) n then i was like FUCK IT I LIKE IT WHO CARES POOOOOST. and i still really like it, so good decision me

vi. Through the park and by the tree: this is a sequel (to People can be so cold, which is a fairly sweet, romcomish story). i was absolutely not planning to write a sequel!!! i was and still am v resistant to that!!! (partly cos that first accidental multichapter Spiralled, i guess.) n there were several comments on People can be so cold that were like ‘more!’, n i was like NO FUCK YOU. but THEN i was like...oh no... i know what happens next...shit. BUT i didnt really wanna write abt beth n rio hanging out with her boring kids, n i didnt really have the whole story of the next bit, i just knew it involved annie n rio glaring at each other n then ganging up on beth ha ha. but THEN i was like ok...so PCBSC was largely abt annie accusing beth of being bffs with rio... what if the next thing was abt rio and annie (and ruby) being friends (also a lil lil bit beth n stan being bffs BC THEY ARE) n then it was actually pretty easy to write as beth’s outsider perspective on annie and rio’s friendship

14. You’re applying for the fanfic writer of the year award. What five fanfics do you put in your portfolio? 

ok, i did this for 2020, but apparently 2019 was also a ‘year’, so...

this is very easy, im gonna cheat as i did with 2020 and count the two stories in a series as one, then cut out the first two stories so by a process of elimination as much as anything, it’d be:

Even the best laid plans

Bringing down the neighbourhood

Uncontrollable notes, from her snowy white throat

Are you afraid or is it true

What a sight to see

not sure that’s quite on the 2020 level of mood whiplash but it’s close ha ha

it’s so sunny i can’t see what i’m doin

[unicyclehippo]

not on the list, but beaujester + rainy days?

it had started to rain at some point in the night, and the morning glooms into being, grey and slow and quiet. clouds heavy with rain roll overtop the city and, with her nose pressed to the chilly glass, jester swears she can see lightning crackling way up high. she only pulls away when she hears someone coming toward her; when she sees its beau, holding two mugs of something hot and sweet, she shifts to make room and beau perches next to her, hands off the second mug.

‘good view?’

‘mhm,’ jester nods eagerly. ‘the best. sorry—i should’ve told everyone what i was doing-‘

beau waves the apology away. ‘nah, i told ‘em. they went shopping but i know where they’re going, if you want to join.’ jester bites at her lip and beau shrugs, sips her drink. ‘you don’t have to. i know you like watching the rain.’

jester pulls her attention from the window, frowns curiously at her best friend. ‘huh? how?’

‘what do you mean how?’

‘how do you know that? and how come you knew i would be here? i mean - you told the others?’

beau shrugs again. ‘oh, that. i mean, yeah. i dunno, i pay attention to - to all kinds of stuff. you like to sit by the window and watch the clouds and the rain, you’ve done it pretty much every time. first, i figured it’s ‘cause rain is great and storms are fuckin’ sick.’

‘and then?’

‘huh?’

‘well, if you thought that first, it sounds like you think something else now?’

‘oh, no, i don’t-‘ beau looks a little uncomfortable and she mumbles a little before, under jester’s impatient, questioning stare, she says, ‘i figured it was because you were in your room all the time, or something.’

jester grins. ‘you put a lot of thought into little old me,’ she teases. watches as beau buries her face in her mug and mumbles, the words drowning in her drink. ‘i don’t know why i like it, i just do.’

‘that’s fair. is it cool... that i’m here?’

‘of course, silly!’

‘cool.’

they sit together in silence for a time, beau draping her cloak over both of them, even though jester doesn’t really feel the same chill beau does. as the storm grows in its intensity, grey clouds bruising with black and that green haze that hints at hail, and the lightning flashes and bursts through it, beau says,

‘i used to think that giants danced in the storms.’

jester whips her attention away from the storm front to her friend, who looks like she regrets saying anything about it.

‘you can’t leave it at that beau.’

‘i mean - there’s nothing more to it, though.’

jester slaps her forearm, a smack really. ‘i don’t believe you.’

beau rolls her eyes. ‘fine. okay. so when i was like,’ she scrunches her face up, ‘i guess, six? seven? i got really bored so i snuck out.’ she laughs a little at jester’s encouraging ooh. ‘there was this massive tree a bit of a walk from the house. massive to a six year old, anyway. probably like twenty, thirty feet tall.’

‘not like the arbor exemplar, huh.’

‘nah. not quite.’ beau’s lips curl in a faint smile, nothing harsh about it. fond and a little awed, as she stares out through the glass, to some old vision, to some old storm.

jester can’t take her eyes off her. there’s something about storms, something electric in the air, and it makes jester’s skin tingle.

‘anyway, i had this little treehouse—i say treehouse but it was just a board propped between two of the branches and, like, a hammock? so i climbed up to it and i guess i just hung out—pretended to be a, a pirate or a knight or whatever. read some books, chucked acorns at the fence.’

‘so, normal kid stuff.’

‘yeah, basically.’ beau grins right back at her. ‘i bet you were trouble on two legs as a kid, huh?’

‘i don’t know what you mean,’ jester lies, with a demure tilt to her head and a flutter of eyelashes. it makes beau throw her head back and laugh; jester eyes the line of her neck, listens to the laugh as it echoes against the glass, the stone around them. she clears her throat. ‘so...giants dancing?’

‘yeah, yeah, yeah, i’m getting to it,’ beau waves her down, leans back, hands behind to brace her. ‘so, i must’ve run out of dance class or something because i remember looking up at these storm clouds all coming in from the west and imagining them as carriages. these giant carriages, with the westwind horses pulling them across the sky.’ beau doesn’t seem to notice the way jester stirs with interest. her attention is fixed on the storm still, but jester’s mind is racing. she can’t remember beau ever telling her a story like this before, something with imagination like this. ‘and then the sky was covered in them and it looked weird. like the world was all flat on top. like the sky was lower than it had been. close enough for me to touch.’

‘oh no.’

beau throws her a careless grin. jester fumbles with it, feels almost like she has dropped it when her heart lurches with - with ?

‘i climbed higher in the tree, of course. it was the tallest tree i knew about, so obviously if the sky was lower i could touch it from there.’ beau shakes her head. ‘i was fine. i didn’t get struck or anything, the storm was way off. but from that little bit higher, i could see the lights, and the way the lightning, yknow,’ she lifts a hand, mimics an explosion, the lightning darting out. ‘and the thunder. like the loudest boots ever, crashing around.’ she grins again, smaller, crooked, achingly fond. ‘i remember thinking,’ she admits, and jester is struck by the desire to have known beau then, little beau with the big, beautiful brain, little beau who dreamed up giants in the sky, ‘i remember,’ she says, clearing her throat, ‘thinking it’d be fun to dance with them. they didn’t seem to care much about rythmn or being able to sing or be delicate or pretty. stomping around upstairs. i thought it’d...yeah. be fun.’

‘beau!’ jester nearly shouts, throwing herself over to grab at her face. she presses beau’s cheeks tight together, squishing them. ‘that is so cute!’ it doesn’t feel right—she doesn’t want to embarass beau or anything—but she doesn’t know what to do when beau just, just offers up something like that to her. she forces herself to settle, kinda doesn’t realise that she’s almost straddling her friend until beau lifts a hand to steady her, sets it on her hip. she’s still holding her face and they’re very close together and. ‘thank you. for telling me that. it is very cute, even,’ she says over the way beau tries to grumble, face still squished. ‘even if you don’t like that word, it is.’

she can feel beau’s cheeks heat up. feel the most delicate, soft lashes as they just barely flutter against her left hand, sitting a little higher up on beau’s cheek.

‘yeah, well,’ beau mumbles as best she can. ‘you’re welcome.’

[turning-the-kaleidoscope]

Ahhh it’s been a while but I wrote another hug prompt!! unfortunately I can’t remember exactly who had requested this prompt in particular jklsdfsdf, but have some soft Teru + Shigeo + Dadreigen at the end, sickfic style bc 1) i can and 2) soft hurt/comfort is so therapeutic so heck yeah!! i hope you guys like it! :D

hug prompt 17: a hug where one muse stops the other from collapsing (with Teru and Shigeo) 

Teru likes the company. After being alone for so long with only a collection of fake friends, he enjoys all the company he has with Shigeo and the others. He treasures every moment. 

So he invites them over regularly for games and movies and snacks all the time. Sometimes all at once. Sometimes one at a time. Tonight is one of those latter times, when it's just him and Shigeo. He likes Shigeo a lot, more than he's able to put into words, and his company is always welcomed. 

Except this time, in the middle of the visit and quite suddenly, Shigeo comes down ill. And looking back on it, Teru should have seen the signs, even if Shigeo thought he was fine. It took him way too long to figure out what the problem was. 

But as soon as he knows what's wrong, he's in full caretaker mode--a mode he only knows after being looked after by Reigen while sick himself. He isn't glad Shigeo is under the weather, but he's been waiting for this opportunity to take care of his friends like they've done for him, and he approaches it with what might be a bit too much enthusiasm. 

"Reigen told me that you feed a cold and starve a fever," he quotes as he reads over a bottle of fever relievers from last he got sick. "And he made me take these, they're supposed to help."

"Are they?" Shigeo asks, and it isn't snarky, but the exhaustion in his tone brings it across that way. "I don't think my fever is very high, Teru…"

"Any fever is high enough to be taken care of," Teru says resolutely. "Trust me, I've got this."

"It's not that I don't trust you," Shigeo says, "but I really do think I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me."

"Listen, Shige." Teru pauses, long enough to look him in the eyes. He looks miserable, a lot more miserable than he seems, sitting on the edge of Teru's futon with a blanket around his shoulders. He isn't flushed (yet) but there's a glossiness in his eyes that speaks of a festering fever. 

He sighs. "You, Reigen, everyone… you've always looked after me, yknow? Always took care of me, made sure I was okay… and, I never really had the chance to repay that, properly. So… let me worry about you a lil, alright? It might sound silly, but I want to."

"Okay."

"Huh? That quick?"

"I mean," Shigeo fiddles with the blanket, "I think I understand what you mean. So if you really want to, I don't have any trouble with it."

Teru blinks, but it softens into a smile. "Alrightee!" He salutes without really thinking about it. "Leave this to me, then!"

Shigeo cracks a smile, and Teru sets about measuring the proper dose of medicine. 

It's easy, really, it is. 

Until that night. And it's around that time when things start to go from manageable to scary. It occurs to Teru in the most unpleasant of ways that he really, really doesn't know what he's doing. 

At all. 

And he should probably get in contact with someone who does. 

It isn't that Shigeo is sick in obvious ways. He isn't throwing up or unconscious or delirious or anything like that, he's just… very, very still. Quietly miserable and hard to rouse. Lethargic. Feverish, and very. The medicine didn't do its job. It's done nothing but rise since earlier that day and Teru is scared of giving him a second dose. 

"Hey, Shigeo?" He shakes his shoulder, and hates the heat he can feel, even through the blanket. "Dude, wake up, I need to take your temperature."

Shigeo doesn't stir at first and Teru's mind leaps to the worst of conclusions, but finally, his eyes slip open. He's flushed now, red in the cheeks and pale everywhere else. His eyes are glassy like marbles and carry only what light is reflected in them from Teru's phone flashlight. 

"What?" He sounds groggy. Not entirely there. 

Teru kneels by the futon and nods. "Temperature. Think you can keep this under your tongue?"

Shigeo nods and Teru hands it to him, and while he's doing that, gets up and retrieves a fresh cold plaster from the bathroom. He doesn't expect it to do much good, but it's better than nothing. 

He returns just as the thermometer beeps, and he kneels down and takes it from Shigeo's clammy fingers. Through the light of his phone, he examines the reading. 

39.4

Teru swallows down the bile in his throat. Shigeo doesn't ask him what it says, just shuts his eyes again and curls his fingers by his throat loosely. Teru peels back the not-cold-anymore plaster from his sweaty forehead, brushes his damp hair out of the way, and then replaces it with the fresh one. 

He needs to call someone. Someone who'd know what to do, someone who's done this before. Like Reigen. Or Serizawa. Serizawa lives closer, it's be faster, but Reigen might know more, might be able to stand in a crisis better--and Teru still doesn't know Serizawa very well, Reigen is a better bet. Plus, now that he thinks about it, he doesn't even have Serizawa's number. 

He checks on Shigeo one more time, makes sure the plaster is properly set on his forehead and the blankets are around his shoulders before he gets to his feet and steps down into the hallway, already dialing and holding the phone to his ear. It's only around 11pm; he doesn't know how late Reigen typically stays up, but--

“Yo, Teruki, what’s up?” 

He doesn't sound like someone who'd just woken up. And it only took two rings, too. But Teru doesn't let himself breathe a sigh of relief yet. 

"Hi, Reigen," he says, and forces the guilt away before it has the chance to start. This is for Shigeo. "I-I know it's late, I'm sorry, but--Shigeo's at my place, we've been hanging out, but he's sick and his fever spiked and I…” He has to stop and take a breath, suddenly lightheaded. “ I don't know what to do."

Reigen swears under his breath. "Okay, okay--how long's he had the fever?"

"Since before he got here, I think." He's calmer now than before and regains the steadiness of his voice. "But it's gotten a lot higher since then."

"How high?"

"39.4."

Another swear. “Is he awake?” 

"On and off. Usually I have to wake him. I gave him medicine earlier, the medicine you brought over last time--I don't think it did anything, though, he's just--he's really sick. I'm--I’m worried. About him."

"Okay, yeah, I'll be over there soon, okay? Give me five minutes."

It's such a relief and Teru can't help but feel the urge to laugh. "Th-Thank you," he breathes. 

"Don't mention it, it's alright. Keep an eye on him until I get there, okay?"

"I will, thank you."

“No prob, kiddo. See you in just a minute.” 

He hangs up and Teru's hand slumps down to his side, a breath escaping him. It's fine, Reigen will be here soon, it's okay--

"Teru? Was that Reigen?"

"Yeah?" He turns without thinking, and sees Shigeo standing in the doorway on untrustworthy feet. It clicks a second later than it should. "Shige, what are you doing up? You need to rest, come on--"

Shigeo is incredible, he really is. Sweet, clever in his own special ways, golden-hearted and gentle while simultaneously being a force of nature that Teru would never want on his bad side. 

But he can also be so, so incredibly dumb. Even when his body sends him every signal it can telling him to stay down and leave the walking to the non-feverish ones, he does it anyway without realizing it. 

Teru sees it coming probably before Shigeo knows it is. He sways, the glass in his irises becomes thicker and more heavily clouded, and then--

"Shigeo!"

He teleports, actually, without thinking, and still only just barely catches him before he faceplants the floor. Shigeo slumps and Teru holds him easily; Shigeo doesn't weigh much; but his skin is burning, and his forehead digs into Teru's collarbone and sends him into a panic. 

"Hey, are you okay? Are you with me? Hey, Shigeo."

"Sorry." He sounds out of breath, worn out. Sick. "I thought it'd be fine…"

Teru tries to get a better hold, tightening his arms around his shoulders and gripping his shirt with curled fingers. “You're sick, Shige, you need to stay in b--” A shift in Shigeo's weight, and Teru takes all of it. He slips. “Okay, okay we're going down--”

He lets them down as gently as he can, but his knees still hit the floor too hard and he winces, not excited about the bruising. But for now he focuses on Shigeo, who is still a too-warm, too-limp weight against him. It's easier to support him from the ground, though.

Teru maneuvers himself into a somewhat more comfortable spot, legs criss-crossed with Shigeo tucked close and secure. “Damn it, Shige, you need to rest…” 

“S… Sorry...” 

Teru sighs and rests his chin on the top of his head. “As soon as Reigen gets here, you’re going back to bed and you’re gonna stay there. Okay? You can’t get better if you keep pushing yourself like this, dummy.” 

Shigeo nods, and Teru feels it more than anything, but it’s enough for him, for now. If he wants to pursue the argument later (if it’s even worth it), then he can do it later. Right now he really does want Shigeo to rest, so he stays quiet and lets him. His fever is still much, much too high and not getting any lower. 

When Reigen knocks at the door, Teru opens it with a flick of his powers and Reigen is on them both immediately. His first question is why they’re on the floor--and of course that’s a valid question--and once Teru’s finished explaining, Reigen wastes no time. He’s gone full mama-bear mode now and it’d take more than Claw’s entire arsenal to stop him. 

He carries Shigeo with a brisk powerwalk and Teru jogs to flank him. After that, it’s like a routine. Reigen gets Shigeo to wake up, has him take another dose of medicine, uses a wet rag instead of a plaster (“Easier to deal with. Plus, ice water’s a lot colder.”), checks Shigeo’s fever (39.4 again, holding), and after that there isn’t a lot left to do. Reigen assures Teru that he’s got it covered and he’ll look out for Shigeo now, but it still takes a good hour or two before Teru finally falls asleep. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Admittedly, the armchair isn’t the best place to sleep, but Shigeo has the futon and for one night, Teru doesn’t mind. He wakes up with a crick in his neck and the feeling that he hadn’t slept at all, but forgives it and sits up. Reigen glances over at him in acknowledgment before returning his gaze to Shigeo. Reigen doesn’t look like he pulled an all-nighter, but there’s no doubt in Teru’s mind about it. 

Teru gets to his feet and quietly makes his way over. “How���s he doing?” 

“Better,” Reigen answers, scooting over. Teru sits down on the floor beside him. “His fever broke pretty quick after spiking, I’m just letting him rest now.”

Teru nods and looks over Shigeo for himself. He’s still flushed, as to be expected, but it’s lesser now and he’s definitely sleeping more peacefully. The tension in his shoulders ease, and he finally lets himself relax. 

“Hey, Teruki.” 

“Yeah?” 

He turns, and at the same time, Reigen’s hand lands on his shoulder. “I’m glad you called me,” he says with a soft kind of smile that’s a bit uncharacteristic for him, but still perfectly and entirely Reigen. “Actually, I’m proud of you for calling me. It would’ve been easy to just pretend you knew what you were doing, so… thanks, for letting me help out.” 

Teru blinks, first at the hand on his shoulder and then at Reigen, but before long he's smiling. 

"Thank you for being there," he returns. Reigen's smile redoubles and he ruffles Teru's hair. 

It's been hard to train himself out of that mindset of handling things himself, no matter how devastating, but he's gotten better at accepting others' help, whether he wants it or needs it. He isn't perfect yet, but they're getting there. They'll get there. 

[frankensteindotpdf]

Jon’s TGWDLM Livestream

I offered to write out all of Jon’s answers in his q&a (not verbatim, just a summary but also it got a little long, sorry for that) so here it is! sorry if there’s typos, i wrote this at 2am lmao i put most of the qs in bold

it was hard not to kiss jeff in WDYWP, especially because his face was so close (great way to start it off)

“Sing the beginning of Moana wasnt improvised”

He loves Not Your Seed and Show Stopping Number

His favourite piece of fanart is one of the first ones with red paul blue paul (in let it out) and he had it as his homescreen for a while

he got into starkid by doing Power Prom with jeff and lauren, (as well as another show with jeff and another with quite a few of the starkids) and then they asked him if he was interested in auditioning and he sent in a video audition and tah dahhh

if he could play any other character from tgwdlm it’d be hidgens (though he says part of the reason he loves hidgens so much is because robert did such a good job fleshing him out)

“how close are you and jeff” “uhh who’s jeff?”

paul’s job was originally gonna be a movie critic (buzzfeed-esque) (and at one point in WDYWP they brought up how he was reviewing a Hamilton movie musical-which was, incidentally, his fav deleted bit) but it ended up being at a customer service center “but most of the time he fixes printers and plays on the internet”

jaime helped out with some of the lyrics to CORC/COPC because she’s a barista

his fav memory with the cast was before shows and one time when they hung out after the show at a diner

his fav line that almost made him break every time was “Latte hottay...my wife...yknow like borat, dude” (it made him break a couple of times but he was always walking off stage like right as he said it)

he really liked the line “we’ll make a jammin’ cup of java, mocha latte with the froth for you, jack, frappuccino!” he just thought the wordplay was real good

fav joke was probs the moana bit (he broke a couple of times there too)

fav song was Show Stopping Number (and he said the way the songs flow when you’re listening to it on the album is so good)

he never found it boring to go to rehearsals because James and Lauren are such good choreographers and all the actors are so good at singing and dancing he got to watch them perform all the time and he really enjoyed it (how pure)

his reaction to hearing the show’s plot was “hell yeah, this is gonna be so much fun”

when he first heard let it out he was stoked because in high school he had tried performing Confrontation from Jekyll and Hyde with just a boom box so no one could actually hear the music and it didnt go well so he felt like that song was letting him redeem himself

his fav moment from the show’s run was the first show because they were so stressed because it was the first time they went all the way through the show with tech and music and it went really well “It was magical. we were all,like, on this adrenaline endorphin high and, uh, it was awesome.”

fav character from any starkid show is either nick playing robin or nick playing obi wan from Ani (he’s seen the scene where obi wan walks into the bar “probably a million times” because he loves the timing and the dry humour) but also nick gage as sultan from Twisted

fav moment to watch in the show was the part after Not Your Seed when the aliens were trying to talk at the same time

“would i have wanted to sing more? no, because i got to sing these two awesome songs” Let It Out was really fun to do but also daunting, and in Inevitable he got to sing parts of the other songs

no real mishaps with the blood capsules, just getting fake blood all over his face and shirt (but that was fine cuz it made him look like more of a badass in the next scene, as long as he remembered not to wipe it off)

fav line that he said? “ok”

“will i ever make my own version of Love Never Dies?” he wants to be in a musical about death (more of a “silly fun romcom”) and thinks that concept has so much potential

he’s inspired by The Adventure Zone and that’s where he got the name Travis from (idk what he’s talking about being inspired about, he never really says)

if paul drank the coffee, he would have been infected

there were no pranks, but

before one of the last shows he was rehearsing outside and he “stepped in human poop” like 20 minutes before he had to go on (he threw out the shoes ofc and luckily a member of the band had extra shoes that fit)

general advice? “number 1 surround yourself with people who love and support you and that you trust and you like to have a lot of fun with 2 if you can develop a skill that you l can support yourself when you’re not working, develop that skill, its really important just so you can put food on the table and also you’ll hear a ton of advice and there are a lot of training programs about how to act and how to sing but find whatever works for you...understand the character and do whatever you can to remove tension” (that was a lot lmao but i thought it was good advice)

there were lots of little improvised bits in the show but his fav was trying to figure out what he and emma were gonna say when they were going through the alleys

before every show they’d put their arms around each other and make a one word story (i can explain the game if you dont know what it is)

paul still wants a carpet

the starkid actor he’d want to play paul (if it wasnt him) would be brosenthal or brolden

fav food is “fuh”?  im sorry im a dummy ive heard of it but i cant spell it but yeah he likes it cuz it hydrates you and it’s delicious

he doesnt know the “alexa play despacito” meme

he’d love to speak mandarin (and do a film in china, he’s never been)

paul cant hear the background music when the aliens sing

his fictional band would be named either Territorial Fashionistas, The Light Quixotic, or Immortal Bond

fav fan moment was with a fan who had just had a really bad breakup which reminded of himself and how being true to yourself is more important than staying with your partner

dark mode looks cooler on his phone so he likes it best

in songs where he got to watch others singing and dancing, he was smiling on the inside and the fact that he couldnt sing or dance for most of the musical was made up for by the songs he did get to 

MY QUESTION!! (yes, i screamed) “Why did Paul offer bill and mr.davidson a ‘nice caramel frappe, nothing better’ when he only ever ordered black coffee?” he’s gotten them for Bill before cuz it’s his favourite, and he was just saying anything to try to get away from mr.davidson

he knows the lyrics to Moana because he secretly loves musicals after having watched so many with Alice growing up, but he wont even admit it to himself “he says he likes hamilton way more than mamma mia, so, yknow. he has an opinion”

he hopes it’ll come to chicago but he doesnt know if it will

his fav musical is a tie between Chess and Little Shop of Horrors

the backstage was really nice

he was honoured to have lauren spit on him

he was, of course, sad when it was over (but he’s stoked to move to LA)

finally, in the ending he revealed what his decision was for the end with paul, but i think it’s better expressed through a gif so check out: https://showstoppinnumber.tumblr.com/post/182153650669/theguywhodidnotlikemusicals

that was so long haha sorryyy i didnt wanna leave out anything. it was fun! hope you enjoy it, @realshowstopper!! if y’all have any qs hmu