#listen to it rn. it will change you
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NATIONAL HOLIDAY TODAY BTW
[ID: An edited screenshot of a Tumblr post. The first part reads: "people who celebrate album birthdays are annoying pass it on." The second part reads: "FUCK this post and happy birthday Moby Dick or The Whale by Caleb Hayashida." End ID]
#caleb hayashida#moby dick#HAPPY TWO YEARS TO THE BEST MUSICAL MOBYDICK ADAPTATION 💙💙💙#described#moby dick or the whale#music#album recommendation#mossy speaks#listen to it rn. it will change you#whale weekly
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dare to be stupid
summary: a drunken game of truth or dare overtakes your study session
tags: NSFW, tlou au, college!ellie/reader, mentions of drugs, alcohol, drunk sex, oral (r receiving)
a/n: listen idk how this turned into 7.5k. idk what happened. also this is my first time writing smut. idk if the sex is good but it was already so long. if y'all like this one i'll write a sequel or something idk
part 2
“Truth or dare?”
It had become a tradition for the two of you shortly after moving in together. It was common for the air in your tiny apartment to grow heavy, the stress and anxiety tangible in the air - often around midterms or finals, or if your roommate had a particularly infuriating project. During these times when the bags under your eyes grew too heavy to carry or the lines around your roommate's mouth deepened into canyons, one of you would barge into the other's bedroom - frequently in disarray with notes and textbooks strewn across every surface - slam a bottle of vodka down on the desk, and utter those stupid, little three words, and the game would begin.
And so you didn't even jump when you heard your bedroom door slam against the wall, heavy boots against the carpet. You had been bent over your desk for so long that your neck ached, your eyes swimming with letters that didn't quite make sense and didn't fit into any of the medical terms laid out on your flashcards. When Ellie slammed the bottle of vodka on your desk, you blinked your eyes clear and looked up to meet her eyes.
She smirked when she said, “Truth or dare?”
You didn't waste time in clearing off your desk, shoving your books and cards aside into a toppling pile. Ellie, without waiting for permission, set a shot glass down in front of you, kicked off her boots, and plopped back onto your bed.
Scooting your chair closer, you propped your feet up against the mattress, pursed your lips, and said, “Truth.”
Ellie groaned, flopping over onto her side and propping her chin in her hand. She had stripped off her jacket, leaving her in a dark t-shirt that almost made her skin look pale in the low light from your desk lamp. “You're such a fucking pussy.”
You rolled your eyes even as a grin pulled at your lips. “I've known you for too long, Els, and I know that I need a few shots before I'm willing to shove anything anywhere for your amusement. So, respectfully, eat my ass.”
“You'll have to dare me to,” she quipped back immediately. She wrinkled her nose as you choked back a laugh, tapping a finger against her lips. You tried to ignore how endlessly cute it was as she said, “Where's the weirdest place you've pissed?”
Another sound burst from your lips, some mixture of a laugh and a shout. You gaped at her, watching as a laugh crept up, a smile tugging at her lips.
Shaking your head, you said, “Weird, but that's a pretty tame one. Not gonna ask me about my favorite sex position or if I ever snuck drugs into our dorm room last year?”
Ellie only shrugged. “Gotta warm you up a bit first, babe.” You ignored the way your heart jumped at such an innocent word. After a moment's pause, she added, “But have you?”
“You'll just have to ask me. One truth per round, bitch.” You pretended to think about it for a moment, though you already had your answer. “Okay, so you remember when we first signed the lease here and we were a bit short on rent?”
Ellie nodded, her brows furrowed in confusion.
“Like, a week before it was due, some girl on Tinder hit me up. She was passing through town and only staying for the night, and she was bored. So, she paid me.”
Ellie's frown deepened. “To, what, have sex with her?”
Laughter bubbled up your chest as you said, “No, she paid me to piss in her mouth.”
There was silence for several long moments. Ellie’s jaw hung loose, her eyes wide as she simply stared at you. Several emotions flashed across her face like a movie reel - confusion, shock, disbelief - before finally landing on pure, unfiltered amusement. The corners of her lips quirked up, her open mouth turning up at the corners until a loud, sharp laugh burst from her throat. When Ellie laughed - really, truly laughed - she did it with her chest, a sound so fathomless and full it filled up whatever room she was in.
In your small bedroom, her laughter bounced off the walls, echoing in the alley outside of your open window. You couldn’t contain your own giggles, muffling your laughter with a hand over your mouth, snorting as Ellie buried her face in your mattress.
When she finally looked up, her eyes filled with tears, she only said, around her subdued giggles, “How much?”
You grinned. “$200.”
Ellie’s mouth fell open again - you’d have to pick it up from the floor at this rate. “Dude, you’re fucking with me.”
“I swear,” you said, holding up your hand like a scout. “I’ll show you the Venmo if you don’t believe me.”
Ellie fell back against the bed, throwing her head back. “You have to go find this chick on Missed Connections, she can help with the rent.”
You threw one of your pens at her. Catching it in midair, she stuck the end in her mouth to chew on it. You wrinkled your nose at her, but she only grinned, the pen hanging from the corner of her lips.
“You're so gross,” you said, though you were still giggling.
“Bold words from you, Piss Girl. That's, like, the worst superhero name in existence.”
You threw your hands up, trying your hardest to glare at her and failing miserably. “Hey, $200 is $200. I'm not one to kinkshame.” Ellie threw the pen back at you. You grimaced when it hit your arm, leaving a small spot of spit on your sleeve before clattering to the floor. “God, it's your turn. Truth or dare, bitch?”
Propping herself up on her elbows, Ellie said, “Dare.” A grin pulled at her lips, her voice low as she added, “Because I'm not a fucking pussy.” You stuck your tongue out at her, ignoring her when she mockingly said, “Mature.”
Your desk was pressed up next to the only window in the room, cracked open to let the cool autumn air in. Your curtains fluttered in the breeze, the dying sunlight creeping in, casting light like liquid gold over Ellie’s skin. As you thought, scrambling to think of a suitable dare, you could not control how your eyes grazed over her exposed skin, the sunlight dipping in her collarbones like pools of ichor.
Blinking, you met her eyes once more, your throat tight. Your words came out almost choked when you said, “Okay, I dare you to make a spicy two-sentence story about something in this room.”
Ellie scoffed, sitting up and kicking her legs over the side of your bed. “I’m gonna take a wild guess that your drawer of sex toys is off limits?”
You sputtered, stammering over your own tongue as you felt heat rush to your ears. “Yes, that’s off limits. You don’t even know what’s in there!”
Ellie hummed, standing up from the bed and taking a few steps around the room. She didn’t look at you, but you could hear that fucking smirk when she said, “That’s what you think, babe.”
You watched her, tracking her movements as she slowly stepped around your room, scanning for inspiration. Your bedroom was about what you’d expect from a broke, overworked college student - aside from the furniture that came with the place, it was pretty barren. Ellie scanned the little touches you did have - her finger traced over the Funko Pop of Zuko on your bedside table, her eyes lingering on the pile of fantasy books you kept atop your dresser. She smiled at the posters hung crookedly on your walls, depictions of your favorite video games. She hummed again, looking back at you over her shoulder.
“So many options to choose from,” she murmured, running her finger along your jewelry box. She had her face turned away, so you could only see the corner of her smirk as she lifted the lid, pulling one of your necklaces from its home. You watched her warily as she approached you, the chain dangling from her slim fingers. She stepped behind you, out of your line of sight, and slipped the necklace over your head, the cold metal resting against your collarbone.
“She looped the chain around her lover’s neck like a collar,” Ellie said. You felt her cool fingers against the back of your neck, hooking around the chain and pulling it gently against your throat. You coughed against the awkward silence; your roommate had always been a little handsy, but this was something else entirely. What the fuck is she doing? you thought. “She pulled it taut against her throat and leaned in to whisper,” you felt Ellie’s lips against your ear, her rough voice sending a chill up your spine when she murmured, “good girl.”
Reaching back, you shoved Ellie’s head away; her laughter echoed through the room as she rounded in front of you, sitting back against your bed and grinning.
“Oh, you’re so fucking proud of yourself aren’t you?” you teased, trying - and failing - to keep your cheeks from turning red. Your skin felt aflame, a tingle lingering right where Ellie’s lips had pressed to your ear. You rubbed at the spot under the pretense of scratching your head, willing the feeling to go away.
Your heart was pounding so hard you could hardly hear her when she said, “Hell yeah, I am. I should’ve been an English major. I could write a whole fucking slutty novel and get famous. I'm an expert - I've done enough research.”
You rolled your eyes at her cocky smile, but Ellie only winked at you.
This is how your truth or dare games went - with Ellie being far too cocky, prancing around doing whatever dares you could think of and asking any outrageous questions that popped into her pretty little head; and you, simply trying your damnedest to keep up with her. You flailed, flustered, when she asked you about your toy collection, and begrudgingly relented when she dared you to bring out your favorite. Ellie took a shot before you had even finished daring her to text her last hookup (“I’m not reopening that bag of crazy,” she said, scrunching her nose at the taste.) You took a shot when she dared you to go mix all of the liquids in the fridge (which included pickle juice, old broths, and orange juice) into one amalgamation and chug it (“I’d rather chug the rest of the vodka, Els.”)
“Truth,” you said before Ellie could even ask the question. You were three shots in and could feel that lightness pressing against your temples, just at the threshold of tipsy. You had moved to join Ellie on your bed, where you sat with your back against the headboard and Ellie’s head on your thigh. The vodka bottle was balanced precariously between you.
Ellie rolled her eyes, but looked up at you and asked, “Out of our friend group, who have you fantasized about the most?”
She had not even finished her sentence before you served yourself a shot, a few drops splattering on your shirt. Wincing at the taste, you looked back down at Ellie; her eyes were lit up like a Christmas tree, her jaw slack.
“Don’t-”
“You have to,” she interrupted you, pinching your thigh and grinning when you squirmed away. “You have to tell me. You can’t leave me hanging here - you didn’t even let me finish the question!”
“Why did you even assume I’ve fantasized about any of our friends-”
“Because I know you.” She was scrambling up now, unsteady in her movements as she came to her knees in front of you, leaning back against her heels. She planted a firm hand on your thigh - your skin was still warm where her head had been - leaning into it, her eyes drawing so close you could almost see every speck within the hazel. “And I know that bitches like us always have somebody in the group they fantasize about. So, who is it?”
“Bitches like us?” you repeated, raising your brow. You were sure each line of her palm was going to be branded into your thigh. “So, there’s somebody you think about too?”
Ellie’s smile was on the very edge of teasing, a small quirk at the corner of her lips that screamed at you just how wrapped around her finger you were - and, somehow, she didn’t even know it. Her voice was low, nothing more than a murmur that you could practically feel in your own chest when she said, “You really wanna know?” You didn’t answer - couldn’t, really, not when her fingers dug into your thigh and you could count each freckle across her nose. You couldn’t answer when she leaned in closer, her warm breath brushing against your cheeks, smelling of the weed you knew she had smoked that afternoon. You could hardly hear her over the rush of your own heart when she whispered, “You’ll just have to ask me.”
Maybe it was the vodka warming your chest, tingling in your fingers - or maybe it was the way the light from your lamp cast sharp shadows across Ellie’s face, turning her skin into liquid gold - but you did not push her away. Your grip tightened around the neck of the bottle, but you held her gaze when you said, “Truth or dare, Els?”
Her voice was soft, her half-lidded eyes holding yours as she said, “Truth.”
“Who have you fantasized about?” The words rushed out of you before you could hesitate.
And for a moment, you believed she would answer. You let yourself believe that she would give you the answer you craved. It prickled at your skin, raising goosebumps along your arm, spreading warmth through your stomach. But your roommate had never been so straight-foward - had never given you an easy answer. She wet her lips, drawing your eyes to her mouth involuntarily, but she only pried the vodka bottle from your fingers. She held your gaze as she raised it to her lips, drinking straight from the bottle without even wincing.
“I can play that game too, baby.” She backed away, finally giving you a moment to breathe. She settled back against the wall, laying her arms over her knees, the bottle dangling from her fingers. The skin of your thigh still burned, branded with her fingerprints.
You looked away, huffing out a laugh that you prayed sounded sincere. You could feel her eyes on you when you leaned your head back against the wall, counting the cracks in your ceiling like they were the most interesting thing in the whole world. “It’s getting late, Els,” you said, even as your phone flashed that it wasn’t even nine yet and here you were, too many shots in, your roommate’s presence like a fire blazing in your room. “I should get back to studying.”
“Do you want to, though?” There was an edge to Ellie’s voice, as though that question was a dare itself. You lifted your head to look at her and found that she was already watching you, her eyes soft in the dim light.
You took a deep breath - and the vodka must have reached your brain, because before she could ask, you said, “Dare.”
You could see the vodka in the lazy tilt of her smile, in the way her head lolled against the wall. Her eyes were half-lidded, and yet there was something hidden behind her slow, sleepy gaze, something you were too afraid to name - something you were sure was only the imagination of your tipsy fantasies.
“Close your eyes,” Ellie said, words lazily falling from her lips, as deep and rich as the strings of a guitar.
It took you several moments longer than usual to process what she had said. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, as if the two of you were underwater. You shouldn't have felt like this after a few shots - you'd usually only be tipsy at this point. But something about the way the shadows dipped into Ellie's collarbones and the way her shirt rode up, exposing her boxers and the sharp cut of her hips, was intoxicating on its own.
So it took you several long, heavy moments to say, “What?”
She chuckled, but there was no malice behind it. There was something soft in the tilt of her head, the way she tilted her chin down to look at you through her lashes. Her hair fell in her face, brushing against her nose; you fought the urge to brush it away, knowing that if you did you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from running your fingers through her hair. You wouldn't be able to stop yourself from grabbing a fistful of the auburn strands-
“Close your eyes,” she repeated in that same honey-thick voice, breaking you from your thoughts. “For thirty seconds. And don't open them no matter what.” When you only stared at her for several silent moments, she added, “How long have we been friends? Don't you trust me?”
And the thing was, you did. You trusted her with your entire heart, and so you closed your eyes, and you waited.
You felt the bed shift next to you but you did not open your eyes. You did not open them when you felt her long fingers grip your shoulder as she struggled to steady herself. You felt her hair first, fine strands brushing against your cheek, smelling of sweat and her shampoo. You did not open your eyes, even when you felt the gentle press of a warm mouth against the side of your neck. You hardly dared to even breathe, your hands tangling in your sheets, afraid that you would not be able to control yourself otherwise. You counted the long, torturous seconds, biting down on your lip when you felt Ellie’s mouth part, the warmth of her tongue pressing against your pulse.
You had counted to twenty-six when she pulled away, a chill settling over your skin where that warmth had been only seconds ago. When you got to thirty, you opened your eyes to find that Ellie had settled back into her spot, leaning back against the wall. The only sign that she had even moved was the thin sheen over her lips, wet with her own saliva, and a small, pleased smirk.
You did not allow yourself to think about it, ignoring the way your skin burned where she had touched you as though she were a wildfire. You sounded breathless even to your own ears when you said, in barely more than a whisper, “Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“What are we doing here, Ellie?” The words were out before you could stop them, slipping from between your teeth and hanging in the air like helium. The words felt almost tangible, and yet you couldn't grasp them, couldn't draw them back into your throat.
For a moment, you thought Ellie would grace you with an answer. She opened her mouth, and you thought maybe she would finally stop playing this game and let you breathe. Instead, just like before, she brought the bottle to her lips and held your gaze. You tried not to watch the way her throat moved as she swallowed.
She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and recapped the bottle, settling it between you. “Truth or dare?”
“Truth.” You felt you could no longer trust yourself with any dare she gave you. Your hands were already shaking from clenching the sheets.
“How would you rate your last kiss?”
You squinted at her, confused by the innocence of the question after everything that had happened in the past hour (had it only been an hour?). “My last kiss was with that one girl I met at the bar a few weeks ago. She was drunk and way too sloppy, but she was hot. I guess I'd give it,” you paused, trying to remember the moment past the haze; you couldn't even remember the girl's name, “a six.”
Ellie raised her eyebrows, her eyes widening. “A six?” She shook her head, clicking her tongue in disapproval. “You’ve got to be fucking with me. A girl like you deserves more than a six.”
“A girl like me?” Your voice sounded deafening in the quiet. You thought it had started to rain; you could hear the pitter patter on your window, could see the way it broke up the streetlamps outside like a mosaic.
Ellie was nodding almost absently, watching the rain. Her lips parted, and you didn’t expect her to hesitate before she said, “Yeah. A girl like you… deserves to be kissed like it’s the last gasp of air to someone drowning.” You watched her mouth as she spoke, even as your mind screamed at you to look away. You scolded yourself, screaming to end this now, but your body refused; it ached to draw her near, a tangible pain in your chest. “A girl like you should get one of those movie kisses - you know, like when the hero saves the day and shit and he kisses his girl and it’s like the world didn’t matter as long as he saved her. The kind that has the whole fucking theater holding their breath. A girl like you…. Fuck….” She trailed off her rambling. Ellie ran a rough hand through her hair, making the strands stick up at odd angles, and finally looked at you. There was a fire in her eyes, blazing in the dim light. “You deserve to be kissed like they’ll die if they can’t have you.”
Something had stopped in your chest - maybe it was your breath, maybe it was your heart. Your blood rushed in your ears, and you feared the thrum of your heartbeat was so loud it filled your entire bedroom. Your traitorous heart pressed at your bedroom walls, filling up the space and leaving room for little else.
Your voice was only a whisper, and you wanted to kick yourself when you said, “We should really go to bed. I have an exam tomorrow.”
Your roommate pressed her lips together, and she did not break eye contact as she said, “Dare.”
You shook your head, looking away from her to try, desperately, to break whatever spell had taken hold of you; but your eyes were drawn back to her as if she were the only fucking light in the dark. You had to get a hold of yourself before you did something you’d regret, but you felt intoxicated with something far stronger than the cheap vodka you had bought from Walmart.
“You’re drunk, Els,” you said, and you sounded so breathless you may as well have given up then and there.
Ellie leaned closer, holding your gaze, and you could see the exact shade of desire in her eyes. She was so fucking warm - your head spun from it, heat radiating from her skin when she planted a hand on the bed right next to your hip. Her wrist brushed against the bare skin under your shorts, and you felt her voice vibrating in your chest when she said, “Dare.”
And it was like she had finally pulled the last fucking thread that made you unravel, because you couldn’t stop yourself - didn’t even think to - before you said, “Kiss me.”
You only had a second to register the smile pulling at the edges of Ellie’s lips before she grabbed your face and pulled you in to smother it. You had never imagined what kissing Ellie would be like - had never allowed your imagination to wander so far over the edge - but she did not kiss like she was drowning. She kissed with the same slow gentleness as when she played the guitar, her long fingers plucking at the strings with the careful deliberation of a lover.
And she felt so fucking warm. You were high with it; high with the heat radiating from her fingers pressed to your cheeks; high from the way her breath snaked past your parted lips, gentle huffs of warmth against your skin. Your head swam as you pressed into her, your hands tangling into the fabric of her shirt, fingers unsure even as you ached to pull her closer.
Ellie pulled back for a moment - for only a moment, but each second her lips weren't on yours caused an ache in your chest. Her eyes hovered inches from yours, so fucking green it was dizzying - though you couldn't see much of the color passed the eclipse of her pupils. Her cheeks were flushed - from the vodka, from something else entirely - her freckles popping against the color. You could only imagine how you looked, could feel the desire written across every inch of your face.
Your fists tightened in her shirt, and you used the leverage to pull her back into you; and suddenly, it felt like you were the one drowning. You couldn’t breathe as Ellie devoured you, the gentleness replaced with a hunger you hadn’t known lived inside her. She pressed her tongue against the seam of your mouth until you relented, opening up to her, a soft sound escaping your throat when her tongue ran along the roof of your mouth.
That sound - nothing more than a breathy sigh - ignited something in Ellie. Suddenly, she was all teeth and tongue and hot, hot breath in your mouth, sucking your bottom lip between her teeth. She bit down when a shaky sigh forced its way from your throat, soothing it with her tongue and swallowing the moan it elicited. Her hands were in your hair, the strands twisted between her fingers, and when you bit down on her lip, she pulled - you gasped at the sharp pain on your scalp.
“Fuck,” she cursed against your lips, and you could feel that single syllable, hot breath in your mouth that you wanted to swallow. She didn’t continue for a long time, couldn’t form any other words past the way her lips made you unravel. Her hands trailed down your shoulders, fingers grazing lightly over the bare skin of your arms, before finding your hips, gripping them in a vice and tugging you closer. “Fuck, come here,” she said, her voice nothing more than a low growl that you felt in your chest.
And you were drunk - from the cheap vodka and sleep deprivation and Ellie. You were drunk on the way her eyes were eclipsed, her lips red and bitten and swollen, parted so you could feel each exhale against your cheeks. Her eyes were dark, hooded. Her fingers dug into your hips, and you were drunk, but shit, how the hell could you say no to her? How could you possibly say no when she was looking at you like she was starving?
Her hands guided you closer so you swung a leg over her hips and settled in her lap, your hands braced on her shoulders. She leaned her head back against the wall and just looked at you for several long moments, biting down on her lip. You couldn’t stop watching her mouth, mesmerized as she said, “Fuck, look at you.”
And then she was kissing you again, her hands gripping your hips like it was a lifeline. Your hands found their way to her hair, curling your fingers in the short locks, using it as leverage to pull her closer. You could feel how each point of your body fit into hers; your thighs against her legs, her hands curling perfectly over the swell of your hips. You could feel the swell of her breasts against your chest, and you so badly wanted to feel her skin against yours. You felt like you’d go crazy from the raw want radiating from your body.
Ellie’s lips traced a map across your cheek, down your jawline. You tilted your head so she could kiss the hinge of your jaw, the spot right below your ear. She paused there, planting hot, open-mouth kisses across your neck, before her teeth bit down on that sensitive spot, pulling the skin into her mouth, and you practically melted into her. You couldn’t control the sounds falling from your lips like honey, gripping at her hair as she soothed the bruise with her tongue.
“Ellie….” Your voice was nothing more than a whimper; you swallowed hard and tried again, pressing a hand firmly at her shoulder. “Ellie.”
She only hummed against your skin, and you could feel the vibration against your pulse. The sound went straight to your stomach and dipped even lower when she bit at your collarbone.
The next time you said her name, it came out as a moan; you cleared your throat. “We can’t do this - you’re drunk, Els.”
Your roommate hummed again, but she relented, leaning her head back against the wall to look up at you. And - fuck. Her lips were red and swollen, still wet from the kiss. Her cheeks were flushed, and - God, her eyes. You had never understood the term bedroom eyes, but Ellie looked at you as though she wanted to devour you. Like any second her hands weren’t on you was torture. Like she wanted to bite and kiss and taste every inch of your skin.
“Truth or dare,” she said, her voice so hoarse you had to clench your thighs around her hips.
“What?”
“Truth or dare,” she repeated, her eyes never leaving yours. And this wasn’t part of the game, but you played along anyway, unable and unwilling to tell her no.
“Truth,” you sighed.
One of Ellie’s hands traced up your side. She ran her fingers across your collarbone, up your throat, before stopping to cup your jaw, her skin rough against yours. “Do you want this?”
You nodded, the vodka making it impossible to feel shy.
“How long have you wanted this?” Ellie’s thumb pressed at the seam of your lips, and you let your mouth fall open. She watched, hypnotized, dipping just the tip of her thumb between your lips before withdrawing.
It was against the rules - two questions for one truth - but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. “A long fucking time.” Your voice was weak and breathy, and you couldn’t bother to be embarrassed about that either. Your attention had narrowed in on Ellie, and the way her fingers skirted across your chest, the way her other hand gripped your hip - how you could feel the warmth of her thighs between your legs.
Taking your chin in her hand, she drew you closer, and you could feel her lips moving against yours: “So what the hell is stopping us?”
This time, when she kissed you, you did melt into her. You gripped her hair in your fists and swallowed the moan it drew from her, shivering when her teeth caught on your lip. She had both hands on your hips again, and she gripped them so hard you were sure you’d find bruises there in the morning in the shape of her fingers. She pulled you closer, pulling your hips down into her; the friction through your pajama shorts made you moan against her lips.
And you decided to play her game.
“Truth or dare?” you said, drawing away just enough to see the eclipse of her eyes.
Ellie, always stubborn, murmured, “Dare.”
You tugged at the hem of her shirt, your fingers brushing the warm skin beneath; you marveled at the shiver that ran through her body. You ducked your head to kiss along her jaw, pressing the words into her skin. “Take this off.”
She didn’t waste any time tugging the shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor before skidding her fingers over the bare skin above your shorts. You lifted your arms and let her pull your shirt over your head before realizing you weren’t wearing anything beneath. Who wears a bra to study in their own apartment?
But you didn’t have a moment to cover your body in embarrassment before Ellie’s lips were on you again, as if it pained her to not taste you for even a moment. Her hands spread across your back, pulling you into her as she peppered hot, open-mouthed kisses across your collar; you hissed when her teeth bit down over your collarbone, soothing the pain with her tongue.
“Tell me to stop and I'll stop,” Ellie said, her voice muffled as she kissed down over your chest; you shivered when her teeth sank into the skin of your boob, sucking another bruise there. She certainly loved leaving her signature on any inch of your skin that her mouth could reach.
You groaned low in your chest, your fingers tugging at her hair, pulling a gasp from her lips. You almost didn’t recognize your own voice - breathy and thick with desire - when you said, “Please don’t stop.”
The next thing you knew, Ellie was shoving you off of her lap; your back hit the mattress, your head just barely missing the headboard, but you couldn’t even think about that. Your roommate was crawling over you, and you were hypnotized by the way her muscles tensed, her arms caging you against the bed. Her skin was fucking obscene, smooth plains stretching for miles, cast in liquid gold in the lamplight.
“God, look at you,” she said again, pressing a kiss to your clavicle. Her hand was like worn clay when it traced a teasing line over your hip. Her voice was muffled against your skin, but you caught the end of her sentence: “- so fucking pretty.”
Your only response was a choked gasp when Ellie pressed the flat of her tongue to your nipple. You gripped her shoulder, feeling her lips close around you as she sucked your skin into her mouth; you winced when she released it, feeling her teeth graze maddeningly over your nipple.
“Truth or dare?” she said into your skin, her voice vibrating in your bones.
You groaned, gripping her shoulder when she licked a line over your other nipple. If you had thought about this (which, if anybody asked, you didn’t), you never would have imagined your roommate being such a fucking tease.
She hummed, and you could feel the vibration in every nerve. For a moment, you couldn’t find your tongue, your voice caught in your chest until she released your skin with a pop of her lips. She looked up at you, batting her eyes, and dammit if your body didn’t arch, searching for her mouth again.
Propping herself up on her elbows, she watched you through her lashes, an intoxicating smirk across her lips; they were still shining wetly. She broke you from your thoughts when she murmured, “Use your words, angel.”
Your thighs clenched around her words, automatically and unconsciously. You were sure you could get drunk on the way her voice filled the room, rough and rich as the chords she played. It was through clenched teeth that you said, setting your pride aside, “Dare.” Your cheeks burned when it came out as a moan.
You could feel her smile against your skin as she kissed down your stomach, silent for several long, torturous moments. You felt her teeth sink into your hip bone briefly, your hips jerking at the sensation. It earned you a chuckle before you felt Ellie’s hands pressing your hips into the mattress, holding you still. You groaned low in your throat when you felt her tongue against the skin over the band of your shorts, licking a stripe right above the fabric before taking the elastic between her teeth and tugging. You jumped when she released it, the band snapping back against your skin. You didn’t have to look at her to see the sparkle in her eye.
You swore your heart stopped completely when she murmured, “I wanna go down on you.”
Despite this game she was insistent on playing, it wasn’t said like a dare; it was said like a question, or a request. There was no expectation behind it. Ellie was asking, you realized with dizzying satisfation, for permission.
“Fuck.” It came out as only a breath, a whisper against your tongue. Your fingers ached from gripping the sheets and she hadn’t even touched you yet. “Fuck,” you tried again, and it was a groan this time but at least it was louder. “Yeah. Yeah, please, fuck.” Words were just falling from your lips because when you looked down, Ellie - your roommate, your friend - was watching you, propped between your legs with that fucking smirk, and how could you possibly string together a complete sentence?
And Ellie… didn’t. She didn’t follow up on her dare. Not immediately, at least. No, she took her sweet fucking time - always so damn precise, taking her time in hooking her fingers over the band of your shorts. She pulled them down so slowly you could feel every inch down your legs. And then you were lying beneath your roommate in nothing but your underwear - and dammit, if you had known this would be happening, you would have opted for something a little sexier than a cotton pair with constellations on them.
Ellie smiled. “Cute,” she said, before sinking her teeth into the flesh of your thigh. You were thankful it was cold out - you’d have to wear layers to hide all the places her mouth had been.
Your roommate ducked her head, and you gasped when you felt her press a featherlight kiss against the fabric of your underwear, right where warmth pooled between your legs.
You huffed, twisting the sheets between your fingers. “God, you’re such an asshole - fuck-” You were cut off when Ellie licked a stripe up your panties, warm tongue pressing against your throbbing clit. You moaned at the relief, feeling the wetness of her mouth through the fabric. It wasn’t enough - you needed to feel her against you, needed her tongue to unravel you piece by piece. You pressed your hips down against her lips but her hands held you in place.
You huffed out a breath, her name slipping from your lips when you moaned. “Ellie….”
And then she was yanking your underwear down your hips; you gasped, lifting your ass to help her shove them down. She had only gotten them just below your knees before she was pressing back in, too impatient to finish the job.
And - fuck, her mouth. Ellie’s mouth was fucking magic. You moaned into the quiet room when she pressed the flat of her tongue against your pussy, licking a stripe between your lips. You couldn’t control the curses slipping between your teeth when her tongue made teasing circles around your clit until you were whimpering, aching for her. She had released your hips to dig her fingers into your thighs, nails digging in, and you’d surely have crescent-shaped bruises there tomorrow - even more to cover up. You pressed your hips down against her, groaning, her name only a whisper: “Fuck, Els-”
And then she finally, finally, gave you what you wanted.
Ellie ate pussy like it was her fucking job, like she was clocking into a shift and working her ass off for those tips. She lapped at your clit like she was starving, pressing her lips against you until you were dizzy, your entire body tuned in to the warmth of her tongue and the gentle graze of her teeth. You shuddered when you felt that tongue press into your core, a brief pressure that pulled curses from your lips, words tripping over each other: “Ah - fuck - fuck, Ellie - oh my God, fuck-”
It didn’t take long for tension to build in your stomach. You were intoxicated; you were tipsy, yes, but something about the way Ellie moved her tongue - long, slow circles around your clit, using the flat of her tongue to draw you closer to the edge - was like a damn drug. You got what you wanted: She unraveled you with her tongue, tugging curses from your lips. You could hear your own moans echoing against your quiet bedroom and you couldn’t even feel embarrassed about it.
Ellie took your clit between her lips and sucked, pulling you into her mouth and-
A long, low moan pulled at your throat when you came. Your hand came up to grip at her hair, fingers twisting in the soft strands. She moaned when you pulled, and the vibration against every nerve pushed you further; you could feel your orgasm in your chest, could feel it trembling in your thighs.
Ellie worked you through it, her tongue dancing against you as you rode out your high. She didn’t stop, pressing her lips against you, dipping her tongue into your core again, until you were shoving against her head, your hips bucking at the sensitivity.
When she raised her head, she was grinning, that wicked, infuriating grin she always had when she was pleased with herself. She rested her head against your thigh for a moment, watching you as you blinked the stars from your eyes. You relaxed your fingers in her hair, smoothing your thumb across her temple.
The only thing you could say, breathless and dizzy, was, “Fuck, Els. What the fuck?”
Ellie laughed, the sound unarming the silence around you, the anxiety of what this meant. She pressed a kiss to your thigh, right over the little indentations where her nails had dug into the flesh, and just said, “Yeah?”
You giggled, tugging at her hair gently. You looked down at your roommate - and you didn’t know what this meant for the two of you, but that could be a problem for tomorrow, when you weren’t drunk and sleep-deprived and naked beneath your friend. For now, you only said, “Truth or dare?”
Ellie blinked, raising an eyebrow, and said, “Truth.”
You considered not asking for a moment, unsure if you wanted to know, but curiosity pressed at you until you asked, “What do I taste like?”
The grin spread wider, Ellie’s eyes sparkling as she pushed herself up. She crawled up your body, taking a moment to press a kiss to your stomach, to the bruises she had left littered across your chest - you moaned when she took a nipple briefly into her mouth. She kissed her way up your neck, across your jaw, sucking at the skin beneath your ear - another fucking bruise to worry about. God, it was like she wanted her signature on you, branded in every inch of your skin.
Her face hovered an inch above yours, propping herself up on her elbows, smirking. She leaned in close, leaving room for you to turn away if you wanted. Instead, you tilted your chin up and kissed her again.
You wrinkled your nose at the metallic taste of yourself against her lips. You didn’t like it, the way your own scent wafted over you. But fuck if you didn’t open your mouth when you felt Ellie’s tongue pressing at the seam of your lips. She moaned when your tongue ran along the roof of her mouth, pressing into the taste of you.
When she pulled back, her eyes were soft, her cheeks flushed. “Like that.”
You rolled your eyes, turning your face away; you had to admit, even if you hated how you tasted - tasting yourself against her tongue sent a wave of heat between your legs all over again. You only said, “Gross.”
Ellie leaned in again, and you felt her lips ghosting against your jaw. You felt her breath against your skin when she whispered, “Truth or dare?”
You lifted your chin to give her access to your neck, sighing when she pressed a kiss against your pulse. “Truth.”
Her breath huffed against you when she chuckled before raising her head to meet your eyes again, that same cocky smile spread across her lips. “Was that better than a six?”
“Oh, fuck off.” You shoved against her until she rolled off of you.
She flopped back against the mattress, still laughing, but she was holding her arm out for you. You only hesitated for a moment - but even if she was your roommate, she just made you see stars, so it’s not like cuddling would push against the boundary you had already broken. You curled into her, laying your head on her chest, the sports bra she was still wearing soft against your cheek.
You sighed, skimming your fingertips against the warm skin of her stomach. “Yeah,” you whispered before you could stop yourself. “Definitely better than a six.”
You were starting to fall asleep, your eyes growing heavy, your study notes effectively forgotten. You burrowed into her further, wrapping your arm around her and pressing your fingers against her hip. You briefly wondered where the vodka bottle had ended up in the mess, but Ellie didn’t seem in any particular hurry to untangle herself from you, so you figured it could wait - surely it would be okay if she slept in your room for one night.
Just before you dozed off, you heard Ellie murmur, “You left the window open.”
#listen i'm writing a novel rn so i forgot how to write short things#ellie tlou#ellie williams#ellie williams smut#ellie williams x reader#ellie x reader#ellie x fem reader#lesbian smut#ellie x you#ellie the last of us#ellie williams tlou#tlou smut#idk man#tlou 2 x reader#i might change the title idk i couldn't think of anything#i haven't written fanfiction in. like 8 or 9 years i think lol
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Wip of a piece im working on.
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#dndads spoilers#the peachyville horror#my art#trudy trout#might change the composition a bit cause i also want the horror of birth in this one and rn its leaning more heavily into just lesbianism#you know the inherent horror of womanhood#not the lesbianism but like other aspects of it#i am not sold on the pink dress but this is mostly a composition and color study because inspiration struck#if you want a good trudy skng go listen to być kobietą it is so trudy its crazy
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stranger things season one 2016 was so fucking incredible. it exists as an entirely different entity to me than the rest of the show. you literally just had to be there. to this day nothing has ever come close to the amount of universal love for a fictional story that stranger things first received. ive been chasing this high for eight years.
#ik theres a lot of young fans of this show that are teenagers rn and listen#if you were too young to watch this when it first came out I DONT THINK YOU REALIZE HOW HUGE IT WAS AT THE TIME#THE FIRST TEASER FOR SEASON TWO LITERALLY PREMIERED DURING THE SUPERBOWL#THAT ALPHABET WALL DID SOMETHING TO OUR BRAINS AND CHANGED THE WAY WE MAKE AND CONSUME SCIFI FOREVER#i genuinely believe that scene of joyce looking around at all the lights is one of the most iconic scenes in tv history#like i cant even explain it to you we lost our fucking minds over this show it was unlike anything anybody has ever seen#this was such a pivotal memory of my junior and senior year year of high school#everyone was wearing merch my teachers would gush about it in class everyone tuned in to watch the cast on fallon it was EVERYWHERE#and do not even get me started on halloween that year oh my god#it was just so fucking fun i miss it#just rewatched s1 and all i can think about is 17 year old me losing my fucking mind#its such an amazing season#i do understand why some people say they wish it stopped at season one im glad they didnt but i see where theyre coming from#stranger things#byler
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can i be fr for a minute?? sending abuse to people online for holding different views than you is not activism and in fact actively hurts your cause. most people are not extreme in their viewpoints, you can give them a new perspective if you're willing to spend some time explaining shit. if someone is saying something you disagree with and you rush in there to condescend to them and call them disgusting and subhuman and dont even TRY to explain calmly why their views are harmful, they're going to shut you out instantly and double down on their views.
most people are simply genuinely ignorant to the issues they're talking about - they just pick their views up from the news and the world around them and express opinions because that's what every person does. if you run in there and tell them they're scum for it, what then? if someone does that to you, are you going to think "maybe i should do some research" or are you going to think "this person is an asshole, im blocking them." a lot of you think you're activists and then refuse to do any kind of actual WORK to support your cause.
#this is not about the isr*el thing even tho thats obviously a huge issue rn#its just a pattern ive observed online#im not saying you have to be kind to people who oppress you dont twist my words#but if youre trying to support any cause and you think calling people names is going to help#youre a fucking idiot lol#people call themelves activists and pro-X cause because they called their opposition dirty c*nts online#how the hell is that meant to help anyone? theyre just going to retreat into their propaganda chambers because you proved what the leaders#of those spaces have been telling them#you can obvs block people if you dont want to deal w them but thats a neutral action. sending abuse harms ur cause.#text#like educating ignorant people is hard work! yeah! its also the entire fucking point of activisim#and if you think its too much effort then just stop pretending you give a shit tbh#like my parents managed to change our neighbour's very xenophobic stance on migrants with a calm conversation#some people will listen and some wont and shes not exactly going out to protests for migrants rights but shes not hostile anymore#and a lot of yall think that isnt good enough but let me tell you it IS good because these things take time!#unlearning things is MUCH harder than learning them in the first place and a lot of people grew up in environments that taught them#very discriminatory and conservative views and its actually not their fault. and its hard to educate yourself differently on something you#have no idea is not true. where do you start w that?
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hey psst c'mere... no a little closer... a little closer- there we go
Loop lips are part of a racist caricature of Black people. Stop drawing Black characters with loop lips. I don't care how they look in canon, it's racist.
okay that's all you can go
#one piece#usopp#goes for other black characters too but this is the one that comes to mind rn.#not gonna get into other shit like 'lightening their skin to make them look prettier teehee'#or 'but they look better with wavy/straight hair!¡!!' or any of the number of other stuff ive seen#bc like. im not even sure folks can handle this one simple thing lmao#many people are great about this but theres still quite a few who are ass#'um! well the creator did it this way and i like him! and he did it on his white characters too!' dont give a shit.#stop drawing racist caricatures. i like op too but im not riding that guy's dick and twisting myaelf in knots trying to justify all his BS#we can agree he's bad at drawing women and he fumbles how he handles queer characters (sometimes. this is mostly referring to momoiro)#but you can't listen to folks who are constantly saying 'hey this is a racist depiction of black people. please dont draw like that'#like???#im gonna keep it 100 with you guys. i love one piece. its got me through some dark times. ive loved it for a long long time#i dont expect the creator to ever give me the time of day#but english fandom? english fandom i can change. and english fandom i can hold to a BARE MINIMUM standard of 'dont be racist'#and yet i still get disappointed. far more often than i should.#ignorance is one thing but the people who DOUBLE DOWN are the worst#thanks for telling me you prioritize your comfort over not being wildly offensive to me and people like me#idfk where i was going with this im just so goddamn tired#if u wanna know more about what im talking about in the post just look up the wiki for minstrel shows & jim crow
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idk like i'm not crazy, right? the leaks are soo much more widespread and accepted this time around, yeah?
#like idc if you do or don't but it's . CHANGED.#thinking about previous releases on here...#the first one i really remember on here is 1989 and there's NO WAY people were posting like this about leaks#i feel like even midnights wasn't this bad????#idk!#like i feel like w midnights it was like. a COUPLE people on my dash talking about it#but it seems like it's 50/50 tonight on here#idk it could also be that a lot of people who aren't listening to leaks are just getting off of social media rn#which i get and am tempted to do as well
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Godzillaaaaaa :3
inspired by the Shin Godzilla posters
#honestly this has probably been done before but I just thought it would be fun to draw so i dont really care#I also really like how these turned out btw yippie#watched minus one today and shin godzilla a few months ago and I just adore these movies so much#I used to not really care for godzilla but it has really been growing on me. really wanna watch more of the movies#especially the japanese ones man they're sooooo cool#I honestly hope you can tell its supposed to be minus one godzilla but whatever as long as you can tell its godzilla I'm happy#I struggled with drawing the symbol/letter so hard man its kind of embarrassing. AHHHHHHHH#if you know me then you know that as soon as I'm obsessed with something that has a soundtrack I get soooooo obsessed with analysing the mu#ic I just RAAAAAAAAH man I love the soundtrack of the godzilla movies. the theme song is so cool too and just#actually listening to the ost rn. I love that the “old” songs dont really get changed from what I've heard#either way if anbody wants to spit some godzilla facts at me please do my dms are open and so is my askbox#pitskederdoenerhaendler#pitske’s art#godzilla#godzilla minus one#godzilla fanart#gojira#gojira 1.0
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correct me if i’m wrong but is there ONE male hsr character whose type is quantum. cuz. uh
#no i am kinda mad they missed the opportunity w sunday#him being harmony makes sense (even tho i would’ve loved erudition or destruction) but hoyo did he HAVE to be imaginary again#how many fucking imaginary types are you gonna throw at us this is egregious#acting like we don’t have welt and luocha and il!dan heng and dr ratio and aventurine and and and#i would’ve spent a fuckton if sunday was quantum bc you have no idea how in need i am of a proper quantum character#and now look#listen it’ll be a while before he drops and maybe i’ll have a change of heart#maybe i’ll go for him if he has a crazy support ability but as it stands rn#i’ll protect me pockets and me peace#like i don’t got enough goin on smh#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr sunday
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hewo
my phone got stolen.
...myeahhh.
i just. could not be bothered nor muster the strength to even try to explain the situation after the fact on here. just worked thru the problems that arise with it, and thats that. getting a new phone and trying my darndest to gain a fraction back of what i lost
#this happened on the 22nd in the evening soo.. im okay rn but man. that hurt bad in a way i cant describe#i couldnt even go home right away. i wanted to look thru security footage- dindt see anything. 20 min gone by#i wanted to go home but my locker key was also in the wallet phone case. augh. another 20 min for that lock to get cut open#race home to immediately go online to lock the stolen credit card also in that wallet case. the thieves tried to use it many many times#at least 8 by now#augh.#took forever to get what i have sorted out. ive never done so many business calls in my life jfdklsjflj#or changed so many phone numbers or fiddled with apple to PLEASE ERASE MY PHONE OH MY GODD THAT PHONE ISNT MINE ANYMORE PLS LET ME KILL IT#but the thieves turned it off the moment they took it so they couldnt be tracked. so thats that#credit bank stuff should be sorted by now.. trying to get some of my games from my apple acc back :(( like cookierun ovenbreak.. sadge#my workplace informed me that the ppl who were suspected of stealing it were in fact the ones that did it.#and i told her 'i hope you drive home safe' :(((((#aughh.#my new phone is attached to a leash so it'll be on my person at all times from now on#the one time i wasnt as careful w my phone for specific reasons and this happens right. well i learned my hard hard lesson#i could have lost everything#i was lucky i listened to my parents and only carried what i did carry at the time and not more#this changed smth in me man. i sure wont be so trusting or laid back anymore
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podcast people, what do you do whilst listening to your podcasts??
#id be cleaning rn but i brought down the laundry#& there werent any bags upstairs so i just carried the whole basket down#thats what i usually do#i know putting it back in the bags is smarter but i prefer this way okay#anywayss bc there is no laundry basket i have no place to put dirty rags#considering the next step is to clean the toilet & sink thats pretty important#i could probably change my sheets now#but i dont want to#bc i hate changing sheets#worst task ever#id clean 3 toilets a week if i never had to change any sheets again#cant vaccuum bc its too late in the day#i did the litterboxes#cant clean the windows bc rags#cant mop bc i need to vaccuum first#the other stuff i dont want to do#like dusting & rearranging stuff#bc those are tasks you do when youve cleaned everything else yknow#so anyways i want to listen a bit more but i have nothing to do while i listen#& i cant pay attention like that#but also i cant do most things bc they get me distracted#it has to be something very mindless#mine
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I just love this fandom
reread the books PLEASE
#not to be mean#but i am being mean and i am always a lil mean#BUT WHAT THE HECK#i think non rhaegar fans need to stay in their lanes#not tagged as shitposting and is in the main tags i’m thinking they’re serious 💀#how do i wipe all non rhaegar fans memories of the prophecy#please lord above give me strength 🙂↕️#if i see anymore posts on this topic im gonna make a serious post about it cause i am sickkk of it ugh#i tried to do that water effect thing cause it’s funny lookin#listening to lana del rey rn#down on the west coast~~~~#they got a sayin~~~#if you’re not drinkin#then you’re not playin#but you got the music#you got the music in you#don’t you?#rhaegar and lyanna had the music in them#and the tragic love story#suck it haters#hateposting#elia won’t ever be lyanna :)) but there’s nothin wrong with that !! it’s just clear that rhaegar loved lyanna#he was burdened by the prophecy and forced himself to change because he thought he had to 😭 that’s not love babes#rhaelya#pro rhaelya
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venn diagram of these guys
#oh this is not the point but im realizing i accidentally picked pictures where theyre all facing one wat except dio. FUCK!!!#jjba#professor layton#dmc#mgs#<- im sorry for putting tags on btw its mostly for the filtering purposes#muffin mumbles#anyway im not saying theyre all the exact same because they're absolutely not. Ohhh they are NOT the same#but their similarities and differences are so fun to compare and contrast u know#like. do you get it. descole is like dio and dio is like liquid and liquid is liks vergil and vergil is like descole#but also they havs common threads between all of them i think#Off topic but it does bother me that they all have really light hair except for descole. however i couldnt change any of their hair colors#that would be fucked up and evil. can you imaging brunette vergil. blonde descole. Exactly#anyway sorry for getting pictures i actually like of the first three and then just cropping snavid out of the shit twins image#for the last one LOL#maybe i will make a venn diagram of these guys one day. we will see...#i mesn i Would do it. ive tried. but the hardest part to me is formatting the fucking circles bro#i use a site to generate it and it looks like shit. i do it by hand and it looks like shit. i edit it from a template... u get the idea#but like i need you to listen to me i am speaking directly into your ear. i need you to think about v & desmond sycamore. pls do this for me#ok thats it i think im outta stuff to say rn amen 🙏🙏🙏#edit literally 20 hours later: my stupid ass trying to put a 172x172 image next to the three other 500x500 ones and not realizing#its ok though i just fixed it#ifyou want the old version (?) its in the reblogs twice; i rbed it just now saying id fix it + someone else rbed it#which is why i clicked on it cause i saw it in my notifs#thank u to themrmoki you did me a solid <3
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i cannot fucking get over i saw the tv glow and how the lyrics of the song that plays during the school scene with the doodles about the pink opaque is “come home. the kettle’s whistling. my heart’s a ghost limb reaching starburned and unkissed.”
#also 'in digital sand' oh my god#anybody who hasnt seen it reading this is probably like yea so? YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!!#I KEEP CRYING IN MY CAR LISTENING TO THIS SONG AND THINKING ABOUT THIS MOVIE ITS CHANGED ME FOREVER#i feel like these lyrics do confirm that isabel and tara are lovers at least they do to me#its literally from the perspective of tara about her waking up getting her back#im gifing the movie rn#i saw the tv glow
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. look at these silly lizads. i think i deserve the suspiciously large molecule for my dont wanna socialize for 2 extra hours doodles
#those are song lyrics on it if it wasnt obvious btw i dont want anyone to like . get worried (just in case)#i put them there cuz i thought it was funny for the zoop but then i changed the song i was listening to#and im too autistic over them to tell myself no i Love thees songs and i was going crazy. mwauh#(if you agree be my friend nyeowww... big eyes... /j /lh /silly)#if its not obvious im Extremely exhaused rn . the solution is be unintelligible & insane on the internet i've decided. yay#also im gonna keep drawing free will actually i think it deserves to be an oc. might move the spear tho#rainworld#rain world#rain world lizard#gel pens#rain world art#rw red lizard#rw strawberry lizard#rw cyan lizard
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its occuring to me what specifically it is that therapists go to therapy for
#id always assumed it was yknow just a mix of things#and like nuance disclaimers thats still true yada yada thats not the point rn#but im thinking now that its more about. the weight#you have to be perfect. you have to be the ideal. you have to carry yourself perfectly and embody every principle youre trying to teach#you are responsible for other peoples ability to be happy‚ not just in how your action effect them here and now but#in what ripple effects any and everything you say could have#you are the authority figure‚ other people will listen to what you say‚ you can change the course of their entire lives#of course that would weigh on a person. how couldnt it#and how could you ever turn it off#how could you ever let yourself just be a person‚ messy and imperfect‚ when you know so intimately the ramifications of things like that?#and yet how couldnt you when you know that no one can be 'on' like that all the time?#do therapists actually go to therapy? or do they go to a support group in everything but name? surely the person#theyre talking too feels the same pressure‚ if not moreso#a part of me wonders how much it can really help‚ then‚ preaching to the choir. but a bigger part of me knows better#knows that the only difference between the choir and the rest of the congregation is the willingness to sing in front of others#either way‚ your audience already knows and agrees. its just a question of which direction youre facing#origibberish
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