#listen here you androgynous fuck

[vxnuslogy]

im actually going to end it all medicine pocket has taken my pity TWICE back to fucking back WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.

[tlouwhore]

modern!ellie headcanons

notes/warnings: pet names used (baby), sfw, loser!ellie a little (i cant help it), no race specific information, androgynous reader

★ she has an insane mug collection thats so strange, when you go to hers for the first time its such a weird thing

"you want something to drink?"

"sure"

and you'll go back to messing with her stuff that she left sprawled across her coffee table until you hear her clomp over and extend her arm, she'll be holding an inconveniently built mug out to you casually

"els, what the fuck is that?"

she tilts her head and furrows her brow, confused at your comment as if its unreasonable to ask why shes handing you a horrifically constructed alien mug thats bound to spill all over you

★ speaking of these mugs, she refuses to get rid of *any* of them. when you guys move in together you're begging her to just get rid of one but she refuses

"els, please. we dont have enough shelves for these, we need normal drinking glasses."

you sigh as the mugs sit across the kitchen counter, shes on one side staring at them while youre on the other side staring at her.

"i cant, i use them all"

she doesn't. she drinks out of one and she only ever drinks water from it. you go back and forth for merely minutes before you throw in the towel and just let her do her thing, if shes happy you dgaf about the normal water glasses.

★ shes a loud ass walker, you will hear her before you see her. you genuinely start to think she's doing it on purpose.

★ she has one belt and its one wrong move from completing snapping in two pieces, there is a literal half inch of material holding it together

★ needs to pet street cats every time she sees them, whenever you point out that they're probably diseased she scoffs

★ tries to pretend shes good at fixing things but has no clue what shes doing—the toilet isnt flushing properly and so she stands about 3 feet from it and stares at it with her weight shifted to one side. she'll have on a tank top on and slacked down carhartt pants engulfing her legs as she nods. she really likes to take care of you so she'll refuse to admit she has no idea what shes doing and when you walk away she looks up "toilet not flushing reddit"

★ she fucks with the twilight franchise but pretends to hate it because it doesn't "look cool"

★ she cant drive, she failed her permit test 3 times and pretends like every other driver on the road is the problem (shes the issue every time)

★ she drives a beat up car or truck, it smells a little funny and the radio gets three stations so you have to rummage through her mass cd collection to find something to listen to. half the cds wont even be in their case but instead haphazardly chucked around her car in random spots. the only ones she keeps in order are your cds, which have a specific bag so you don't have to scurry about in her car to find them.

★ 3 pairs of socks and they all have holes in them, she'll complain that the floor is cold all the time

"god the floor is so cold in here"

"can you just put some socks on?"

"i'm wearing socks right now"

"oh really?"

and she'll point as her feet, half her toes are out and her heel is fully exposed. its about the same as just wearing no socks at some point. you'll just stare in disbelief for a moment before scoffing.

"what'd you do that for?"

that small crease between her brows finding its way to her face as it always does.

"you're barely wearing socks"

"oh whatever"

★ has to physically restrain herself from telling you the gift she bought you for any holiday or event, shes tweaking out and cant function until she gives it to you

★ she loves to just be in your presence, she'll observe your routines. she enjoys perching next to you as you get ready, no matter how short or long or a routine she will be by your side

★ she can cook a crazy burger but that's literally all she can make

★ shes a blushing mess for you but she loves to get cocky and pretend she isn't when texting you

★ needy and will message you thirst trap ass photos in an attempt to get you to leave work early and be with her (it works)

[loving-family-poll]

Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 2

Homestuck fanart by Timsel-kun on deviantart

Propaganda under the cut:

Beverly/Elliot:

Hot lesbians both played by Rachel Weisz! And they're canon in the book it's based on, and like HEAVILY implied to be for realsies in love and fucking in the show. Great lesbianism, great incest

There's literally a scene where elliot is listening intently to beverly having sex in the next room, and she like moans listening to it ok

Beverly's gf breaks up with her cuz she's weirded out by the twins relationship

Beverly likes to attend a support group for ppl with dead siblings and pretend her sister is dead like the psychosexual issues here.....

beverly and elliot were literally trying to have a child together. Elliot (a gynecologist) artificially impregnated Beverly MULTIPLE TIMES

Dave/Rose:

Daverose blondetwin sweep because they were codependent without ever meeting from growing up seeing each other in their dreams

What does it mean to be an abused teenage boy growing up alone and seeing a girl in your dreams every night who is also your best friend. and when you finally meet her you go on a suicide mission together even though nobody was asking you to die with her. and then you are the only two human beings left in the recognizable universe on a cold meteor surrounded by aliens but you’re glad it’s with her. and when you finally touch the girl from your childhood dreams she looks exactly like you. because she’s your sister

I don't have words for how good these snarky assholes are together. DaveRose is brain chemistry changing. They both put up so many fronts, and engage in so much snarky wordplay, and are constantly trying to get under each other's facade. They play off each other so well, witty and sharp, I need them to be together always

We all die & we all die alone are the two cold truths of the universe but dave and rose broke both simultaneously by ascending to godhood together

Their twincest wins because it is just so confusingly tragic? profound? dave leaving rose behind in a doomed world, dave following her to the bomb. they are both so closed & cut off & curt its hard to imagine the depth of these things. but that is their love language: giving up their lives for each other over and over, in a confusing and fumbling and heartfelt love song. i can’t say i love you but i know we’ll die together anyway. because we’re made of the exact same stuff. i’ll find you again at the last moment. that’s love.

THEY DIED TOGETHER, YOUR HONOR

Confirmed canon by the author, (something happened) between them. Parallels of dying by each other's sides in EVERY timeline. They are THE womb-to-tomb. There is nothing platonic about winking at your brother while talking about crushes, that shit is incestuous. Seer/Knight archetype. They will die protecting each other.

do you realize love someone if you don’t follow them on a suicide mission into the gaping maw of a literal fucking sun after they knock you out and psychoanalyze you in your dreams? the blueprint of the “ethereal androgynous blonde boygirl twins” trope. witch/knight dynamics. they find each other to die together in every timeline no matter what (but they’re still emotionally constipated teenagers who bicker and make fun of each other in pesterchum). kids with grown-up powers. perfect little freaks of nature. what if we looked exactly like each other’s eyes

[mintmoth]

Your oc's are so cool!! It's such a surreal feeling to get back into a fandom and wake up up find that one of my favorite artists is also there. Say, quick question do you plan on making executions for your oc's or do they survive? Well whatever you do I hope you'll have fun with it and as always remember to be well hydrated and take breaks, I hope your doing well mint.

BXDISBSK OH HELLA!! Also thank you 😭😭 I'm glad you're enjoying my silly dr2 art and my oc planning lmao

Honestly I was originally planning on having only 2 ocs specifically because I wanted one to kill the other in order to maintain the same group of survivors in the end lmao. I'm still trying to fully work out the setup and inevitable execution because the plot writing for dr2 is really tight and well progressed imo, so I feel like adding anything would weaken it-

BUT I'm also just having fun and being silly so I know it doesn't have to be perfect it just needs to let me have fun really lmao

I'll add a readmore but I'll ramble about each of them a little if anyone has any interest

First up is the first one I made, Haruka (forgive all of their basic bitch Japanese names, I can't do the fun wordplay to the level I wish) they're the ultimate ballerina, and by extension also nonbinary kind of feminine leaning androgynous but can be masc if needed because they can do any kind of role required of them for a performance

When they're tossed into the dr2 mix they'd probably be found being a third wheel to the dynamic duo that is Akane and Nekomaru, since they're also technically more athletic and would be stretching and practicing every day. I want to sit down sometime and draw them and Akane engaged in a flexibility battle and Kazuichi walking in on them and screeching because they look so creepy

Haruka is planned to be a murderer and I'll definitely get some drawings out once I flesh out my concepts for their execution more

Next up is Nao! She's the ultimate sharpshooter and yes that is a little vague but it's because this includes bows and such on top of typical guns. Hell, she probably even does well with throwing stuff if there's enough focus

With the dr2 cast she'd be mostly a friend to Ibuki and Kazuichi, their eccentricities are endearing to her, plus if either of them just want to ramble about something they're working on she's gonna listen for hours. Honestly they're such a movie night squad to me. Also post game I feel like she's like a girl in the same way I still see Kazuichi a guy, like in the vaguest terms cuz they're both just Themselves and are gonna have fun with it now since they're apart from society. Ibuki isn't included only since I feel like she'd struggle less, but this is the bi/pan gender fuckery trifecta of the group to me

Oh yeah and Haruka kills her. I've got the death already planned out and ideally I wanna do a cg style emulation for it but idk if I can swing it lmao I'm not very good at style emulation tbh

And last but not least is Tōru. I didn't plan on her existing so idk how I'm gonna get rid of her in time for the end hmm. But she's the ultimate tattoo artist and has the most fleshed out backstory of the three but it's embarrassing and I know it LMAO

Basic run down- and stick with me here- she lives with family that work under the Kuzuryu clan, so she's done a lot of sick yakuza tats, partially because of her skill and mostly because this shit is so good that her tattoos have like, an "aura" that influences the viewer a little. So these dudes have extra intimidating tattoo bullshit going on- BUT ANYWAYS so things start and she can recognize Fuyuhiko and Peko and knows what's up with them, but neither of them have officially met her so she's like "oh thank fuck they have no idea that I know who they are I'm gonna avoid these assholes like the PLAGUE"

But of course that won't hold forever but it just makes me laugh like chapter 3 Fuyuhiko trying desperately to be kinder to everyone like "yeah, maybe I'll see if you're good enough to tattoo me some day" and she's choking on her drink because Haha About That-

But yeah hopefully I can rope one of my friends into having their oc knock her off because I think that would be funny like, getting down on one knee please kill my oc tragically

[dayangaytransman]

Warnings: Queerphobia, harassment

Three people just attacked me! This happened around 30 minutes ago or maybe 1 hour ago I don't know. For the record, I live in Iran. I have long dyed red hair and my face is feminine. I look very androgynous and people here don’t like it. Additionally, I have social anxiety, so just going outside is scary, and this thing makes it worse. I was going shopping for my mother. It was a long road and I was walking. Then three boys on a motorcycle saw me. They were very young, around 15 to 18 years old, but they were much bigger than me. At first, they just stopped the motorcycle in front of me. I was listening to music with my headphones and didn’t listen to them. I walked away. But they stopped me for the second time and this time, they spat on the ground in front of me. I walked away again, but the last time, one of them kicked my leg. It didn’t hurt at all, but I noticed they wouldn’t let me go. So, I kicked the last boy’s butt with all my might. It was a rainy day, so my shoes were dirty. The first boy was the one who kicked me, but I was closer to the last one. Then I jumped into the nearby shop. I told the man who works there that these guys were harassing me and asked if I could stay in his shop. He said yes. And he was a very handsome man. Anyway, I got a panic attack in my binder. I stayed in his shop for 15 minutes and then left. I can’t stay in this country because people hate me only because of my hair and the way I look! And I know if I call the police, they will do nothing. I’ve seen what happens when you call the police. The police will also harass you. My friends have had similar experiences. I have voice dysphoria, and during this ordeal, I was so scared of what would happen if they found out I am an AFAB person.

The people are worse than the government. Fuck it. I don’t want to cut my hair short, but I also don’t want to feel unsafe.

[0nyxvesper]

OBEY ME REDESIGN/AU? KINDA?Just read pls😭

Art -> Part 1 -SATAN- (art at the end)

Hey! My name's Onyx and I'm a artist, which gives me incredible powers of creation that I use to make or redesign silly characters instead of focusing on my already existing art projects or simply my overall future : what a life.

So as the title says, I'm redesigning some of the om! characters as well as changing up the world they live in. As for the first redesign I chose (very self indulged choice ) to start with Satan :)

This isn't really an AU but just me ''fixing'' (changing) things that I (emphasis on the I, this is MY opinion, you don't have to agree with me) dislike about the game's world and/or characters. I also added things that were, yes, absolutely unnecessary, but so fucking cool 😎

Btw english isn't my first language so if something doesn't make sense just pretend it does, thanks :)

START OF MY RAMBLING

So, in my vision of obey me, all demons have access to magic (curses, hexes, potions...) but some demons also have a connection with one to two elemental powers (water, fire, wind...)

The ''regular'' magic as well as basic knowledge of the devildom fonctionnement and history is taught to young demons (just born/reborn demons and fallen angels *wink wonk) at RAD (which explain why the heck some litteral ADULTS that could easily have a balanced working life are still in an HIGH SCHOOL environment.) (I know that adults can go to school, no problem with that lmao, but lucifer or satan in the og! game for example have nothing to learn there anymore and could be having a ''regular'' active life like-)

But yes, the academy's objective isn't really to ''tame'' demons, because they can't change their very nature and the idea that a demon (Diavolo) is working on turning other demons into more ''human'' beings seems really fucking off to me

And the human exchange program was supposed to be more of a ''exchange of culture'' kind of things where humans would learn about demon's ways and vice versa, it wasn't as diplomatic as it was in the game. See it as these ''special week'' thingy in school we're you'd learn about other cultures and try different country's dishes everyday. Exept it's for a full year. And in hell.

ALRIGHT THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ YOU'RE SO SWEET ILYSM :))))

here's the part that you probably wanted the most : THE DRAWINGS x) (hope it not too pixelated 🗿)

ABOUT THIS REDESIGN

Soooo my Satan is connected to earth and shadows and is an expert in curses and potions as well as devildom's history which is one of his favorite subjects along with the optional Art and litterature classes. (there's multiple optional classes that are supposed to help students that can't keep up or have bad grades to balance their grades by just showing up and listening, for exemple, mammon sometimes goes to the optional business and trading classes. )

In the og! game, satan is supposed to be lucifer's opposite, but I felt like it was mostly showed with his design and wanted to make it go a little further by making them dress in a more androgynous way and changing a bit his personality, making him a bit more carefree. (he's still super self conscious about his dangerous changes of temper which makes him a very closed and silent person, he's also still introverted, but when I say carefree I mean that he often skips classes to go check on cats or go read, and that they don't feel obligated to fulfill a role of exemple as a head student or avatar of wrath like lucifer does) I honestly just wanted the opposition between these two to be more marked but not necessarily have this ''competition'' between them because it felt very childish.

As for the elephant in the room, yes, he has hooves, no, there's no other reason than the fact that he doesn't have an animal theme like all of the others have. Yes, I only chose it because I find it cute. No, you may not pet them. Oh and as for the ''but why do they show up, aren't they supposed to have a human form'' I just decided that being gifted at everything is unrealistic, so I officially declare that Satan SUCKS AHH at maintaining his human form. He's not helped by the fact that he's constantly concentrating on staying calm and having a neutral facade and would saturate if they also had to concentrate on his physical form. But yeah he's still bad at it.

Alrighty thats it for today :)

Much love !

[iftitah]

hi winnie you are missed

girls here are so androgynous psy one girl she's a senior cadet and has a boycut and i watched her dance at a punjabi song in uniform with her multiple medals i think i sort of fell in love she's so fucking pretty and that song's been looping in my head i don't even listen to punjabi music but maybe it's time

[pastriibunz]

have i ever told you all how wild i think it is that Kai has a fandom?

like, the fact that people are consuming my writing and enjoying it and INVESTING themselves in the story?

thats so fucking amazing to me

kai as a concept started when i was around 9, when i listened to my first batim fansong, “gospel of dismay” by DAGames. i attached to the bendy character so much, i created this character that acted as his daughter like the cringe little freak i was.

around the same time, i had listened to ���why did i say okie-doki?” by the stupendium, and attached to the monika character in the same way.

as i grew, kai grew with me. her story slowly became an amalgamation of fandoms i enjoyed, all set in the town of unington (which i stole from “peggy suave”, a music series uploaded to youtube by sim gretina). there wasnt really an overarching plot, some angst scattered here and there, but in my head, it was a semi-episodic series that revolved around Kai and her friends, and her adventures as ‘the savior of the multiverse’.

it wasn’t till i started writing ‘showstopper’, a bnha x oc fic, and uploading it to wattpad in 2021 before i started seeing intrigue for kai and her story.

before that, kai only existed as comics in my sketchbook that i showed to friends, or nobody at all. i was into mha, and i didn’t like the insert character’s personality in most x readers, so i decided to write my own. with kai.

people loved kai. i had consistent readers, commenters, and as of now, it sits at 7.5K reads. people felt for her, kinned her, and slandered any characters who didn’t like her.

eventually, my interests faded. and showstopper remains unfinished.

other than showstopper, Kai still didn’t really have a bunch of deep lore. she still was her little fandom amalgam, with her bits of angst.

but that all changed when Hatchetfield came into the mix.

in mid 2023, early 2024, @local-soda-can (and @chillibeanos somewhat) introduced me to the starkid original musical, ‘the guy who didn’t like musicals’. they loved it, and so did chilli, as they had been doing some oc insert stuff with it (btw, go check them out, their character Bean Sprout is so awesome!,).

I, however, wasnt too keen on watching.

I’m a very hard person to get to watch anything with an hour+ runtime. longer time commitments spook me, and with TGWDLM being over an hour, i wasn’t planning on watching.

until we had a sleepover, and i did.

and i fell in LOVE.

immediately, i had me and fizz start rping through The ‘Kai’ Who Didn’t Like Musicals, as i dubbed it.

the rp finished on September 14, 2023 and that was that.

that was all TKWDLM was supposed to be.

that was all Kai In Hatchetfield was supposed to be.

a series of RPs with a friend.

that was, until, one fateful wednesday, September 20th, 2023, i was watching TGWDLM after school.

earlier, i had the RTC script printed out to read, and i had thought: ‘man. i wish i had the script for this show.’

and then i thought, ‘wait, i have a laptop! what if i just typed out/downloaded the script?’

and as i sat there, on my laptop, i had another thought.

‘Wait, i have the rp, that’s practically all in script format, it has almost all the parts, what if i just turned it into an actual script?’

and thus began a two month long journey of transcribing the musical/rp into a script.

when i uploaded TKWDLM to tumblr on November 27 of that year, i honestly wasn’t expecting people to actually read it.

of course, i had hoped people would!

but honestly, she was 130 pages, she was kinda cringe, and she was honestly just meant for me.

I did NOT expect fans.

I did not expect people like @androgynous-sack-of-flesh-3 (hi there!) to go through my blog, scrounging for every last drop of Kai I made

I did not expect people to invest themselves into Kai’s story, and cry at her death during the ending.

Most of all, I did not expect people wanting more.

The Kai in Hatchetfield series was supposed to end at TKWDLM. I wasn’t planning on transcribing the nmt rps I did with my friends. I wasn’t planning on doing more scripts.

Until one anon in my inbox made the brilliant pun:

‘Nightmare Kai-me.’

With that post, I uploaded a poll asking if people wanted to see an actual NMK series.

And to my surprise, people did.

And thus, I started writing.

And that was a catalyst.

From there, I have gained so many followers, so many fans, all wanting more of Kai.

I have people like @raspberrysmoon (hi pooks :3) theorizing about the overarching lore of nmk, and even writing their own fanfic series revolving Kai (shoutout to sotbaw!).

I have people invested.

I have people who want more.

And that is so shocking to me.

I never expected my silly little story to reach so many people.

I never expected people to be touched by it.

I never expected to make people feel.

And, honestly?

I can’t help but say thank you.

You all are the reason I keep writing.

You all are the reason I keep publishing Kai’s story.

Without you, there would be no nmk. There would be nothing more than a script sitting in my google docs, one that I’d eventually forget about.

All I can say is thank you.

Thank you for giving me a space to share my writing.

Thank you for giving Kai a chance.

Thank you for giving me a chance

Thank you for making a silly little 9 year old girl’s dreams come true.

Thank you all so much.

I can’t wait to see where Kai goes next :]

[goldenponcho]

Milkbones

Jump to Chapter 1

This took longer than intended, but I’m having a GREAT time with it!

Chapter 2: Welcome to the Menagerie

Before they saw anything, the three assets heard three distinct inhales…sniffing…followed by a sharp, snarling exhale. The person…or thing, it sounded more like, emerged from the darkness with a slow ‘Ssssh-tap! Ssssh-tap!’ of shuffling, clawed feet.

As “it” stepped into the light of the room, Franco’s eyes bulged even further. Long, black mane of hair…DELIGHTFULLY plush hourglass figure…

‘Fuckin’ TITS!’

And the top she wore didn’t hide them, either. Her nose and mouth were covered by a brutally biomechanical, metal muzzle, and both forearms were locked together in a cylindrical, steel restraint.

Before words could be exchanged, there was a metalic “THUNK” of piston locks, and the woman’s arm restraint clanged to the ground with a heavy clatter. She straightened herself, brown eyes scanning them all as she straightened to her full height (somewhere between Franco’s and Coyle’s) and tilted her head in an almost friendly gesture that absolutely DID resemble a curious puppy.

“‘Sup, roomies?!” She rubbed the circumference of her irritated wrist, “Anybody here smoke pot?!” Her playful voice wasn’t especially deep, but had an almost androgynous quality.

Franco bore crooked, gapped teeth, giddiness welling in him. ‘Oh, FUCK, yeah! Lemme play with HER! CHRIST! I’m DYIN’ here!’ He had already opened his mouth to communicate this very sentiment before Coyle beat him to it with a sneer.

“Another hell-ACIOUS female to shoot the whole wide world further ta PISS!” He snorted, “If that ain’t just a JOLLITY…”

“Oh, don’t be that way, officer!” Gooseberry chided, stepping forward with a matronly look of pity, “The poor little creature’s probably scared to DEATH…” Futterman interjected, “Yeah, pencil DICK! It was gettin’ to be a fuckin’ SAUSAGE party in here, ANYWAYS!”

“Swear ta GAWD, if ya don’t shut that-“

Franco stepped between the woman and her view of Coyle, “Cops aaaalways gotta complain about eeeevery little, fuckin’ thing, ‘uuh?!” He was practically assaulting her with his openly lewd gaze. “You ain’t gotta listen ta HIM, suga’…an extra set a’- UH! I mean…” he chuckled knowingly, “…a BEAUTIFUL DAME…such as ya’self is ALWAYS a welcome addition to our weird, little FAMILY!”

Her eyes set on him with another cock of her head. He could now see that her left pupil was blocked by a cluster of cataracts. Her gaze still seemed pleasant even at the obviously sexual quip.

“Oh, THIS again!” The Futterman puppet flashed human teeth, “Find that BINKY ta put in that mouth, and keep your PANTIES on, JEEZ!!”

Franco ignored the goose; he was more interested in this new broad, who finally began a slow, assessing, and understanding nod, “Okay…quite the batch, here!” Dark eyes took in each of her new colleagues, “I’m kinda catching the vibes! Bit a’ HOSTILITY…DEFINITELY some previous drama someone’ll have to fill me in on…”

She raised her hands to unbuckle her muzzle, and Franco noticed her fingernails. They were thick and had been filed to points, as were her toenails that peeked from beneath what looked like brown, beat up, leather spats. He found himself considering the thought of those talons raking down his back hard enough to draw blood and clawed toes pressing hard into his crotch, and he barely held down a groan. “Ooo, I would be happy ta FILL you in on whatever you LIKE, dollface!”

A paw had reached the snout of the muzzle and paused there as she fixed him with a sharply arched brow. “DOLLFACE…” She felt the quality if the endearment, then removed the facial restraint with an upward glance, letting it fall to the floor with the arm one. Her exaggerated smile revealed teeth as pointed as her fingernails, most seeming to have been filed as well, but the canines had been extended with what looked like silver caps. A symmetrical scar down her nose and upper lip almost created the cleft pallet of a canine.

“I guess I’ll take it!”

Franco’s buggy eyes widened with giddy glee. If there was one thing he LOVED, it was a SURPRISE.

Coyle stepped in to point only inches away from her face, and Franco found himself hoping she might open up and snap that finger off if for nothing more than his own entertainment.

“A de-monic JEZEBEL, if I EVER HAVE SEENT ONE!!”

She flashed jagged pearly whites, mocking a curtsy, and Franco laughed, sliding himself between the two again, now well within the bounds of personal space. “And who does baby Franco have the DELIGHT of welcoming into our humble menagerie?”

“Oh!” She smacked her bandanna-clad forehead, “Where are my fuckin’ manners?” She extended a hand, “Doctor Roxanna J. Gorman…Ph. D. Animal Science. Usually go by Rox,” she inhaled holding it excitedly for a moment, “How ya’ll doin’?”

The “ya’ll” brought out her faint southern accent. Not the strong drawl of the ladies back in New Orleans, but CERTAINLY not the backwater, hillbilly RACKET that was Coyle’s grating tonality. Fucked up little southern belle, huh? Milky…

Franco boldly took her hand in his gloved one. Instead of shaking it, he raised it to his face, his other hand wrapping itself around her forearm, fingers stroking the skin there with a brazen suggestiveness. “Mmmmnnn…ciao bellaaaa!” He practically moaned, pressing his nose to the back of her hand and inhaling as sharply as he could before practically making out with her hand, leering moon-eyes up to take in her reaction.

Roxanna’s eyes grew nearly as big as his, teeth still bared in an open mouthed beam, “Now, see…THIS guy knows how to say hello!” She startled him by turning his hand over with a yank and giving the back of his glove a long, hard lick, pushing his sleeve up with her nose to continue even a bit onto a hairy arm.

Franco nearly went cross eyed, giving a loud, high pitched whimper as he felt near to creaming his pants in that instant.

“UGH! Now we got BABIES and DAWGS practically a’fornicatin’ right in my line a’ sight!” Coyle’s nostrils flared in deep disgust, shoulders puffed as if ready to fight…someone, it wasn’t clear who. “A-BOM-ni-da-ble display of LASCIVIOUS FILTH!!”

Franco cocked his head toward the sergeant, still stroking Rox’s arm, brow knit into a smarmy smirk, “Still wear ya jealousy on ya SLEEVE, eh, coppa’?” He didn’t avert half lidded eyes from him as he gave the back of her hand a lick of his own with the tip of his tongue. To his delight, Rox’s contented display of teeth remained as he righted himself.

“You stick with ME, Miss Gorman, and we’ll RULE the TRIALS!”

“It’s DOCTOR Gorman, actually,” The correction remained calm and cordial, “Didn’t spend ten years busting my ass to be called “miss”, ya dig?”

Franco rolled a smarmy eyebrow “Ooohh, YES, Doctor! I dig DEEEEP!” He didn’t bother to hide the rippling shudder in his voice, and her hearty, entirely unladylike chuckle only encouraged him.

“Jeezus, Phyllis!” Futterman whispered loudly, “Even this little bug-eyed tit sucker’s aboutta get lucky! You gotta step up ya fuckin’ GAME!!”

“Daddyyyy! Not in front of the other Primes!!”

“And we gotta check out those CHOMPERS! NO WAY there ain’t a couple need DRILLIN’!”

“Hey! These bad boys are healthier than EVER!” Rox tapped a nail against a silver plated fang, “They’re an important tool in my current line of work, after all!”

Their meet and greet was interrupted by a sudden static from the five television sets strewn about the room. A shadowed figure sat at a barely lit desk, the rest of the room blanketed in darkness. The only feature clear from the footage was a completely bald head, wrinkled with age.

Franco immediately recognized the silhouette, and images of a geyser of brilliant red bursting from the man’s fragile skull flashed before him, as he imagined squeezing it between the heals of his palms like a walnut.

“Man’s best friend… A loyal beast, trained to guard humankind with its very life. But what happens to a dog with a poor owner?”

The room’s gaze shifted to Rox, who didn’t seem to notice, brown eyes fixed on one of the upper corner screens with her hands shoved into the pockets of her purple cargo pants. “Haven’t seen THIS episode of the Twilight Zone…” she mumbled to herself.

“A canine’s life is devoted to its family. Dutiful at all hours both day and night…like a saintly, obedient wife and mother,” At this, Roxanna rolled her eyes, bringing a fist to her face, jerking it back and forth and rhythmically poking her tongue into her hollowed cheek.

“But like a woman scorned, a mistreated mutt has only two options. Whimper in a lonely corner…or growl, and scratch, and DIG, and BITE to protect itself.” Rox’s expression had stiffened slightly as she and Easterman’s eyes locked through the screen.

“I do hope you will all welcome Miss Roxanna Gorman into your fold.”

She stiffened COMPLETELY as she fixed the television with a dangerous glare, “DOCTOR! DOCTOR Roxanna Gorman!!” She growled, arms shooting to fold beneath her overflowing breasts, “Ain’t friggin’ hard…DOUCHE…”

“To my longtime, loyal Prime Assets…my CHILDREN…I must apologize. For you see, you have lain dormant for this past thirty years, awaiting my return.”

There was a pause, tension INSTANTLY thick in the air, before the cacophony of angry chatter.

“Thirty…” Franco’s jaw twitched as he wanted to let out a stream of obscenities, but his confusion gave him none, “The FUCK does that old bitch MEAN?! THIRTY YEARS?!!”

“You corporate FAIRY!” Coyle trudged toward the television, “WE HAD A FUCKIN’ DEAL!! NOBODY fucks over LELAND COYLE!! NOBODYYYY!!!”

“Thirty years later?” Gooseberry was more confused than angry, “What could that MEAN for us, DADDY?!”

“Eh! Time is an illusion, Phyllis,” Futterman lisped nonchalantly, “Don’t worry your ugly little head about it…”

“Wait, wait…” Rox glanced between the three other Primes and Dr. Easterman on the screen that Coyle had nearly decided to punch a hole through, “So none a’ ya’ll even KNEW?! Shit…” she scratched at the back of her head, “…guess THAT’S a lesson learned by proxy…”

“You will all come to realize that what I do is ONLY for the good of our little family,” Easterman was clearly steepling his fingers even though he was nothing more than a silhouette, “A nice rest and a fresh start is EXACTLY what we all needed.”

Franco muttered a string of Italian curses, and Coyle looked as if his cigar might erupt in flames at any moment.

“You will all have a few moments to prepare for your duties,” Dr. Easterman placed the palms of his hands to the table in front of him, “Roxanna’s station is currently being prepared for her arrival, so her first week will be spent accompanying each of you in your own domains. Do set a good example, and you will all be treated well.”

The screens fizzled out and left the room in another short moment of silence. This time, Rox was the one to speak first. “Looks like YOU guys did an accidental speed run to the turn of the millennium!” Her grin wasn’t quite mocking, “THAT must really screw with your steez!”

“Keep a’grinnin’, you godless SUCCUBUS!” Coyle said through gritted teeth, taking s threatening step toward her, “Ain’t ever a virt-chyus thing come outta a woman wearin’ PANTS and TATTOOS!”

Rox only gave a close lipped smirk, and Franco purred, “SUCC-ubus…kinda LIKE the sound a’ that word!”

She turned her gaze back to Franco, the proud look never wavering, “It does have a certain, je ne sais quoi, doesn’t it?”

Coyle just seethed, clenching his fist in the absence of his beloved cattle prod, “Pinko language for a PINKO hussy! Pink RIGHT down to her tight lil’ PANTIES!”

The spark in Rox’s eye as the words formed in her head was blatant, “WHAT panties…” she fluttered her lashes in a mock-ditzy manner, “…COMRADE?”

All jaws hit the floor, Franco through an elated, buck toothed smile, Gooseberry simply in shock, a hand clutching at the bow at her neck, and Dr. Futterman actually doing a quadruple take between the two new rivals.”

Gooseberry was quick to grab Coyle as he bellowed an enraged roar and made to grab at Roxanna’s neck. Sharp teeth shone in a jubilant beam as she took a casual step backwards.

“You SATAN worshippin’, WILLFUL little daughter a’ BAPHOMEEEEET!!!”

“OH-my god! I do NOT worship Satan! I don’t even BELIEVE in the guy…” hands on her hips, she gave a sarcastic shrug of her be-furred shoulders, “Now, BAPHOMET on the other hand…”

Franco’s grin was so wide it was nearly a sneer as he nodded his bulbous head and rubbed his gloved hands together, “OH, yeah! THIS is gonna be WELL worth a thirty year nap in this fuckin’ shithole!”

“I got ‘im, Phyllis!!” Dr. Futterman’s voice was muffled as if it actually came from his arm and cable-filled beak, “QUICK! Get Big Baby Head to SMASH ‘im with that COCONUT!! HaHA! HaHA! HaHA!!”

Franco was too entertained to care about the reference to his large cranium, as his look of elation turned back to Rox, a brow arching and lids lowering, “Mmm! That Easterman cunt REEEAAALY sent me a little TREAT by capturin’ you, Poochie…”

He was encouraged when her demeanor didn’t sour. In fact, her laugh was almost…flirtatious. “Careful, Babes! ‘Cause “Poochie” ain’t TRAINED too well…”

Franco’s stomach did a flip flop, and he shuddered at the pleasant tingle up the back of his neck, “Oooo! That’s MORE than fine by me, suga’! BABY’S the one in need a’…TRAININ’…”

Her smile was just as wicked as his as she looked down her nose at him the way a lion might at a defenseless, little gazelle, but before she could respond, the alarm above Franco’s door went off, and the familiar siren to announce the entrance of an ex-pop echoed through the room.

Coyle had FINALLY calmed down to a manageable degree as the four (five?) turned to see the LEDs run across with the words “BAMBINO / BEETHOVEN” in white and purple.

As it became clear to Franco what this meant, he chuckled in demented delight, “Ya know what THAT means, doncha, Lassie? We’s got ourselves a little…DATE, you could say!”

Her lips curled around sharp teeth, “Well, then…” she placed her hands at her hips, “Whatta ya got in mind for me, Casanova?”

Italian translation:

Ciao bella! - Hi, beautiful!

[citrusotakutea]

Hey op just curious what makes you hate the new Hellsing fanbase. As a fellow Hellsing fan I was wondering if I’ve completely missed something strange going on lately.

The new Hellsing fandom honestly irks me because of the surface level probing of the source material*. Yes, to most it's a hard core, dark, violent, mad and bad-ass anime but, like I've said so often, for so long on this dumb blog, it has the BEST female characters I've ever seen, recently rivaled by Arcane. Incredible depiction of platonic relationships and morally grey characters. To me, it's primarily a found family story, among other things.

The side characters are incredible, Yumi and Heinkel are the most underrated of the show. I mean come on priest and nun lesbians (lesbian used liberally). Heinkel is confirmed by the author to be an INTERSEX HUMAN. Alucard shapeshifts into a female (which, looking at the Devilman fandom, everyone took for an obvious trans metaphor, why not here?). The source material is as homoerotic as it can get between a lot of the characters (the tension between Sir Integra and Seras during the blood scene). Let's not forget Rip van Winkle, Pip, Walter, and Alexander. Alucard's teasing, Seras' naivety and subsequent maturity, Pip's endurance and playful wittiness. These characters and relationships are stuck in my head forever, they're all incredibly unique, fleshed out and worth remembering, no matter how short a time they spent on screen. And the character designs? As a long-time vampyr and catholic guilt fan, can I just say. Rawr. This show shaped how I dress like irl and my own shitty characters, as well.

Sir Integra is my favorite character of the show and one of all time. Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. Like, an actually good depiction of a no-nonsense, androgynous as hell, unabashedly commanding (dare I say) woman? And it's played completely straight? No "Whaaa that's a woman?" every 2 seconds or "heh, you will listen to me despite my womanhood" from her. Powerful in her own right despite being the few "magic"-less humans of the series. 0 sexualized Ultimate scenes (sorry Seras and the "hot down there" comment doesn't count, that was banter). She was fucking knighted by the Queen of England before she was even 25, hence Sir Integra. Canonically bi-racial and South-Asian. I'm not even going to go into her character's willpower and values but. Hellloooo??? 

Not to mention, something noteworthy about the series, but Hellsing works because Hirano made time for silly moments. I mean, hell, one of the scenes I remember most vivdly was the gag of Heinkel lighting Sir Integra's cigar and being mega-pissed about it during the final battle, it's funny yet in character, despite many fans saying the humor throws you out of the "reality" of the show.

Oh no, but what do the new fandom gremlins talk about? "Alufart rails Y/A" "OMG VLADCARD'S BARA HAIRY TIDDIES I WANNA RUB MY FACE AGAINST THEM" (you know who you are) “I drew the most fucked up version of Alucard I could think of in my twisted mind”

and my personal "favorite":

"omg �� what if intewa and alucard kisswdd", it's almost as bad as Seras x Alucard.

Unfortunately, I am a part of the ship police, so I'm gonna say right now that these two are my most hated ships:

1) Sir Integra and Alucard's relationship goes beyond romance to me. Since none of the new fans know the lore, Sir Integra is and will die a virgin (canon), it's literally plot relevant because by having sex, if she gets bit she will become a zombie slave (obvious but apparently needed to be said) and, taking a note from the 2001 anime, gone is any chance to continue the Hellsing mission. If she was bitten, plot armor aside, she'd have to off herself instead of becoming a vampire. (and for you freaks out there/pos, dare I say… ace representation? you can argue about desire and subtext later)

2) Seras and Alucard's relationship was specifically noted by the author to be a father/daughter dynamic, which is kind of obvious in the show. Like I said, fundamentally a found family series. Yeah, you don't need to treat found family like family family but I gen can't stand this ship.

I know that people will ship characters who've never been in a room together before. I can't stop people from shipping them and these two ships have ALWAYS been popular in the fandom. I typically ignore this and, yes, "don't like, don't interact" is my main rule. However, new fans ONLY talk about this stuff. None of the rest of the show seems to matter, just Alucard's hairy mustached tig bitties and him fucking one of the two women in the main cast. Or someone's self insert.

((tangent but personally my favorite ships are Alexander x Alucard (obviously in an enemies to enemies way), Heinkel x Yumi, and a romance only Seras x s.Integra. Like, you want old women yuri??? There ya go! They were in a mansion for like 30 years (I forgot) together, probably going missions alone and sharing their grief over Alucard and their unique experience/history. Like I said, I can't help who people ship, I'm not trying to say the source material is in favor of my ships or "how dare people interpret these obviously gay characters as straight". like no, that's not why I'm upset and ik alucard and alexander weren't yaoi-ing it up but like. alucard and s.integra shippers dni /j))

Not to mention, I couldn't help but notice, despite this information being readily available to my middle school self, no one knows the fckn lore or background of this show?? I honest to god saw someone comment that Hellsing Ultimate™ was a bad “remake” because it diverged from the original anime.

Here's SOME fun facts:

-the 2001 version of the show has a different ending than the manga because it wasn't finished yet (duh). Hellsing Ultimate is "soooo short" because production took almost a decade and it was trying to be a faithful, well-animated (that takes time bruv) adaptation. Oh, and a bunch of directional changes that I won't get into.

-there are multiple OVAs following Walter's youth in WW2 (Hellsing: The Dawn). Young Walter's design honestly was one of my favorites from the series so. Walter enjoyers. Check it out.

-there is a bonus book explaining a lot about the characters and process of creating Hellsing written by Hirano himself. whenever I got a hold of it, though (8+ years ago) there was no English translation.

-Alucard didn't just transform into a girl that one time, he was in his girl form the entire time during WW2 (hence why when people mention his possible affair with the Queen it might've been a sapphic thing but I think that mostly stems from the abridged series. the queen thing not the girl thing)

-Hirano used to be a Hentai mangaka and actually designed many of Hellsing's characters in said hentai or in short stories (such as Crossfire, it's basically extra, non-canonical Hellsing content) beforehand. Which, this used to be the most popular "fun fact" but has been lost to the sands of time now, so prepare for a lot of people rediscovering this.

-personal lore is I almost named myself Rip van Winkle bc of this show (quirked up Portal, Grell Sutcliff, queer-coded, rifle-wielding shawty)

Anyway, to sum it up, I hate when people don't interpret characters in the same way I do. Yes, I am a bad “fandom elder”, idgaf I am fundamentally a hater.

*I keep seeing this happen with old shows that resurface. Unlike newer or more popular shows where every scene gets scoured, characters who showed up for one scene get analyzed, and endless cafe AUs are made- older shows mostly get fan art of the main charas and the ships of the two hottest characters and that's it. Discussion of lore and themes are completely off the table. So I'm not surprised, just disappointed.

[rabdoidal]

tag game! 🎧🎶 tagged by @theocannibalism shuffle your music library and share the first 10 songs that come up.

Thanks bud! Shuffling my liked instead of my playlists for fairness ✌️

Waiting For The Weekend by San Cisco: a decent song! I liked it more in uni but it's certainly still musically pretty - it's a little trite to write a love song about drugs being personified, but San Cisco can make anything a sexy indie jam (7/10) Favourite line: And when she's standing right next to me / She's never quite as close as I'd like her to be

Your Dog by Soccer Mommy: a STELLAR song by a band truly so close to my heart - my fav combination in music is a clean voice and dirty bass. also this song also has a fucked up relationship dynamic and its. very Izzy Hands to me sorry (10/10) Favourite line: Forehead kisses break my knees / And leave me crawling back to you

Pulaski at Night by Andrew Bird: another top tier banger but also (shout out to artificial ghost radio listeners) this is my NBC hannigram song its so. like the classical instruments and delusional sweetness makes it feel like a candlelit waltz in a blood splattered suit (10/10) Favourite line: I write you a story / But it loses its thread / And all of my witnesses / Keep turning up, turning up dead

Paint It, Black by The Rolling Stones: truly wild that this is in my likes because its a great song but its like. I don't think I've ever intentionally listened to the rolling stones apart from this? anyway bangers only I always love how dramatic and goth it is (8/10) Favourite line: No more will my green sea / Go turn a deeper blue

Androgynous by The Replacements: this song honestly makes me tear up sometimes, even tho its purely joyful, because it makes me think about how its a song from the 80s that has more kindness and love for genderqueer people than most people do 40 years later. It makes me love being t4t (9/10) Favourite line: Now, something meets boy, and something meets girl / They both look the same / They're overjoyed in this world

Cinnamon Spider by Jack Off Jill: nothing wrong with an alt/goth song about revenge and guilt with weird voice modulated screaming and creepy whispering (7/10) Favourite line: Consumed by hate and guilt, she'll never retire / Too old to fix, too dead to ever acquire

Human Fly by The Cramps: I've been listening to a lot of rockabilly/oldhead goth rock recently and I'm loving the cramps! I've only really heard the big hits until recently, but Human Fly is definitely my stand-out favourite, I love songs that are kinda nasty and maggoty or more conceptual or goofy! It makes it stand out to me (10/10) Favourite line: And baby I won't care / 'Cuz baby I don't scare / 'Cuz I'm a reborn maggot using germ warfare

The Price Is Right Theme Song by Antarctigo Vespucci: I'm a little over listening to indie emo at the moment so I do frequently skip this when it comes on shuffle, but the lyricism is honestly heartbreaking (5/10) Favourite line: Oh my lord, I wish that I didn't know they'll still make TV shows long after I go.

Big Bird by AJJ: I have thoughts feelings comments and critiques of AJJ, but I can't deny that if you want to be in a dangerously bad mood it hits. it completely hits. and I think its interesting that they make songs about taboo intrusive thoughts and criticisms they have of the world, even if i dont always love the song they make in the end (6/10) Favourite line: So I bought a knife / I am a knife / I am a Knife Man

Arty Boy by Flight Facilities ft. Emma Louise: a real vibey party song about being inexplicably into the guy taking photos and smoking at the function instead of dancing - to me it reads as a little comphet, or a little bit bisexual, because the way Emma Louise is singing about the ladies is a lil sus (7/10) Favourite line: And all the girls must be models here, sipping up on margaritas / Twist their bodies so beautiful, making shapes with the music

idk who to tag but if you want an excuse to do this, go with my blessing and pretend I tagged you

[not-goldy]

Some Jkk are too scared to be serious, but this is how I felt ever since Jk went live and reacted to Jimin after he replied Me too on Jimin's miss you post. So one could say cool, he misses Jimin and he's promoting his solo work like a friend and bandmate would. HOWEVER, that is not what JK did. He turned it up a notch and PURPOSELY blushed, giggled, kicked his feet, stared with heart eyes, gushed and listened to love songs in between switching videos. This to me, is flat out OTT baiting if he doesn't feel some type of way about Jimin, cause he purposely acted that way knowing the camera was on him. I have had Jkk tell me its not baiting, right, if he's in love its not, but if not, to me it was suggestive in his actions, meant to get a reaction to him and Jimin and it worked and only he knows why. Even worse would be if he he's not queer but knows Jimin is and how Jimin use to feel about him and did that. I don't believe this though. I believe Jk is queer and I think the man is in love with jimin. That said, Locals were even talking about that live. Not to mention it dropped during Jk's CK clip/ambassador announcement. So they were trending with 250,000 or more tweets cause of that ad on top of his Jimin live. Ever since then I have been observing Jikook too and then JK kept coming on and doing it. Kept bringing up Jimin, even their past trip. I also look at the timing, when JK's new hang out buddy Tae was busy with his girlfriend Jennie everytime she came back from tour and Tae would go MIA. I just hope it wasn't a case of Jk just looking for company cause he was lonely cause he got ditched by his older bro for his girlfriend. TK would be hanging out while Jennie was gone, but then Jk would always show he was alone when Jennie came back. Maybe its why Jimin kept turning Jk down. Maybe he knew it. Who knows at this point. One thing I learned is Tae is proof you can bait fans into thinking you are dating your bandmate by being over the top clinging and namedropping every 5 seconds, while you have an entire secret girlfriend for 2 years no one knew about til a hacker got angry. Look at festa dinner. His clinginess to Jk had tkk declaring they were married and 3 days later he was caught with jennie in Jeju and confirmed by her leaked pics. A whole mess. I would have left town if I were a tkk and never looked back. What a slap in the mouth (deserved tho, they definitely deserved that slap to reality). I just don't ever want to see this with jikook and it turn out to be the case. I might throw up.

He's leading Jimin on??????

Funny how I used to think Jimin was the one leading him on 😂

"It's worse if he's not queer and he acts like that knowing hoe Jimin feels about him."

I think the same and actually used to say the same thing since day one of their ship inception but in reverse order I guess.

Can you DM me? I would like to go back and forth on this with you. I don't enjoy writing lengthy blogs at this point in my life.

Here's JKs profile

Shy teenage boy thrust into the midst of boys he older boys he respects and admires. He's still trying to figure out what romantic feelings are, what he finds attractive, sexually provocative, and what his sexuality is.

Here comes a hyung closer in age to him that looks- androgynous, is good with expressing himself, isn't shy to speak out and perform infront of everyone. At night he's nice to cozy up to and snuggle- and sometimes they do that naked.

It feels good but he's not sure what it is he's feeling. He just knows they spend a lot of late nights doing nothing in particular and he enjoys it. They have a lot in common, and he's emotionally supportive and creates space around him for him to be himself.

He's falling but he doesn't know it yet.

Then there's the hyung in particular, goofy as fuck messing with things he doesn't understand. He's tempting faith and he doesn't know it. Each time he pokes at this younger Maknae thinking he's in control he's not. Now he's acting a fool pretending he's on top of things. But when he pretends kisses him, he looses his balance. His heart is beating in his chest faster than he can handle.

But he's stubborn. He's not in love and it's not even a crush. Yet he can't stay away either. He can't stop. The teasing back and forth, the push and pull is getting to him. Now doesn't feel like joke when he's being teased back. Now it feels like micro rejection and he stuck wondering why this younger friend keeps pushing away. He wants to be close.

They both dancing around naked fires.

The little boy is getting a hang of it. He's sure he's not into girls. He's sure there's something between him and his beautiful hyung. He's recklessly falling and he's not afraid to fall. He's ready to quit. He can be a dancer. He doesn't have to sing. He doesn't have to be in a band. He doesn't have to hide who he is.

The hyung on the other hand, this his dream. He's worked hard to be here. He works even harder than any one else just to be on the team. He can't risk it. He's not impulsive, he's not young and stupid. He's a hyung. People have expectations of him and he can't let any one down.

He writes it on his ribs- nevermind. But it's easier said than than. He's falling and this is the moment of his youth. It's epic. But he's worried the curtains will eventually fall and they'd have to face reality.

To the best of my knowledge this is Jikook.

Do you see where in this narrative of mine Jungkook is the one stringing Jimin along??

It's always been Jimin with the ball in his court really😩

I'm gonna shed a few tears, I'll come back and read the rest of your post- can you break it into two asks so it's easier for me to respond to the 2nd part separately?

[daswarschonkaputt]

look don't leap (drabble)

fem!kinn/m!porsche | rating: t | words: ~600

The most disconcerting thing about hiring Porsche onto her team of bodyguards is that Kinn keeps catching herself looking.

so i was just minding my own business, enjoying a break from writing when @luckydragon10 appeared in my inbox and was like "het kinnporsche go write it now" and look i've mentioned before but nemi is chief squirrel wrangler she makes the decisions on what gets written not me, so i wrote it. ofc bc it's me i had to find a really queer way to do it, lol.

big caveat: this is not going to be for everyone. the main meat of this drabble is about fem!kinn trying to figure out what to do about the fact that she's attracted to one (1) man. it might make some people mad. you don't have to read it if you're gonna be one of those people.

that said, for those who might wanna read it, enjoy!

oh and if you need a visual for fem!kinn good news i already have fem!kinnporsche art here.

look don't leap

The most disconcerting thing about hiring Porsche onto her team of bodyguards is that Kinn keeps catching herself looking.

It’s not that Kinn hasn’t ever felt interest in men before. Compulsory heterosexuality being what it is, the ill-advised and ill-fated male crush is almost a rite of passage at this point, and Kinn suffered from a particularly foolish strain of it. To her teenage self, Tay was everything she wanted: clean, well-mannered, sweet, and above all pretty. He was also incredibly gay. Incredibly, obviously gay.

They dated for about three months, when they were sixteen. Then Kinn got drunk and fucked Tay’s older sister, and neither of them cared enough about the infidelity that continuing to date seemed like a good idea.

It’s one of those things that’s become a funny story. A joke that they tell when they’re tipsy. Time’s never found it funny, but Tay likes to say that Kinn’s the only person he’s dated that thought he was butch.

So, Kinn’s aware that men exist and she’s not totally incapable of finding some shred of them attractive – but it’s never been something that she’s given any weight to. She realised somewhere after the sixth delicately androgynous woman she fucked that the things she liked in Tay were just thing she likes in women, transposed onto her pretty, gender-indifferent best friend.

Porsche isn’t delicate. He’s not even slightly androgynous. He’s pretty, but it’s a decidedly male type of pretty – sculpted torso, cropped hair, the masculine curve to his lips.

He’s nothing like the girls she fucks.

And she wants him.

It’s unsettling.

Kinn’s not scared of him. She hasn’t been scared of a man since she shot her first one, and realised just how easily they die to a bullet through the skull. But the attraction niggles at the back of her brain, even when she should be thinking about anything but that.

There’s a part of her that wants to fuck Porsche, just to see what it would be like. It’s the part of her that gets interested in new cars and new watches – the part that wants to have something, just for the novelty of it. Kinn’s not going to have many chances to fuck a guy that she’s attracted to.

Another part of her is calculative about it. It’s the part that’s been trained to pull apart every situation until it’s stacked into rewards, risks and their mitigation strategies. Porsche is an employee of Kinn’s, and that’s not a line she’s ever crossed before. There’s an implicit power imbalance there, that Kinn isn’t entirely certain she cares about, whilst also not being entirely certain she doesn’t.

And—well. She’s a mafia heiress. As a woman, there are things she can’t do, simply because they’ll invite ridicule. Fucking women has allowed her a lot of respect that she wouldn’t otherwise get, in the mafia. Getting fucked is still seen as a submissive act – and for all her father’s friends sneer at her and call her butch, they listen to her more, because she doesn’t let men fuck her.

In a few years, Kinn knows she could weather the hit to reputation that would come from letting a bodyguard dick her down. Now, with her father’s health failing, and every eye on her, waiting for her to fuck up enough to justify a coup – it’s probably not the best time.

And on top of that, there’s a small, distant part of her that’s just… apprehensive. Kinn doesn’t know how to fuck men in a way that lets her feel in control. And Kinn doesn’t fuck anyone when she can’t be in control.

So, even though Kinn can’t stop herself looking – even though she can’t stop herself from thinking about it – she doesn’t act on it.

She can’t.

Then, there’s the diamond auction. And everything goes to shit.

[fankhx-invasion]

🔥🔥list your 5 hottest musicians🔥🔥keep the game going and share with 5 mutuals🔥🔥

E a s y

Eric Carr - listen, how does anyone here on this god forsaken hell site expect me to NOT include Eric Carr??? Thick thighs, cakey ass, poofy hair, dad bod, short king, possible monster package; there's nothing to hate about him! Even 70s Eric is fucking hot. Bonus points if he has facial hair because those pics are ultimately the hottest breed of Eric Carr photos.

Vinnie Vincent - I'm aware he's not everyone's taste, he's like a you either love him or hate him kinda deal. But let's look at what this man has to offer and consider them, okay? First off, the androgynous appeal? Fucking love that, he's so hot. His green eyes are so fuckin pretty when you get a good picture of his face to see them. His big bottom lip and how much I wanna kiss him until he's literally breathless. And then we get to the holy grail of all guitarists: the fuckin hands. Have you seen the speed at which his fingers move??? Have you seen this man straddle his guitar or even lick it? It's hot. Hot hot. I've never wanted to be a guitar so bad in my life. Even current Vinnie, with his more feminine appearance and the plush thighs, the almost pear shaped body. Hot, honestly.

Peter Criss - there is something about this man that makes me arch my back, go down to my knees, the whole deal. Maybe it's the fact he looks absolutely hot in a suit or with facial hair. I think it's the eyes, his whole expression. I beg of him to fuck me into next week 🙏

Robert Plant - gorgeous man. His hair is golden like the sunlight, the way he dresses himself?? It's hot, it's utterly hot. He gives me vibes of being a very kind human being and I love that. Imma be real with you it's mostly the hair.

Mick Mars - I like everything about this man, he's just, he's got a green checkmark, and I can't exactly pinpoint it. It's the vibes man. The "i dont give a fuck" vibes. The vibes of a guy who looks tired and probably is very tired and that resonates with me. His hair is the reason I cut MY hair with layers and bangs. Out of all of Motley Crue, I love him the most.

[theforestknowsmydreams]

I got tagged by @vampmilf to share my receiptify from last month + 6 months! Thank you :D <3 Ngl didn't even know that was a thing, but I'll gladly do it!

I got into Joker Out maybe 2 weeks ago? And they've already overtaken most song I would say are in my faves. 100% deserved. On the other hand I have no memory of listening to "I've no more fucks to give" even once, so who knows what's going on here

No comment on the 6 months one, I have A Playlist I often play on repeat in the background. And it definitely is. Something.

I'm tagging @cool-jpgs-of-wizards-with-swords @evil-pansy @kentucky-fried-thea and @androgynous-sack-of-flesh-3 because I feel like you all might not kill me on the spot (as usual only if you wanna do it/haven't been tagged already/etc etc)

[original-character-championship]

Bracket C Round 1

Poll 3

Kitta (@thy-fucks-runneth-dry) vs. Renlin Surana (@trans-ruffboi)

133. Kitta (@thy-fucks-runneth-dry)

She/her

She owns every waking hour of my mind, why not

Short and wild dark brown hair,front and side stands are blond, one yellow animal eye with a scar over it, one brown eye, four black/brown wings, pointed horns, lil goat ears on the sides of her head, satyr legs, long thin tail, covered in scars, very tall

134. Renlin Surana (@trans-ruffboi)

he/him

Now listen here, for the low low price of no money, I'll tell you about *your* new blorbo; my Dragon Age OC.

Renlin Surana is a testy little bastard that is empathetic against his will, and gets genuinely mad that he can't hate a golden retriever of a man as much as he wants to. This makes him prime blorbo material, because you can get your uwus in and still have him be an asshole on all your incorrect-quotes blogs.

Now the first thing you've got to know here is that he's an elf wizard. We all like wizards, right? But what if this wizard was traumatized? Shocking stuff, I know.

In his world, wizards are kept in Wizard Prisons/Fantasy Catholic Schools for the crime of existing, and unsurprisingly, that doesn't go well for anyone involved. So now we've got an ex-catholic who's never seen rain before and doesn't really understand money having to save the world and probably die trying.

And I haven't even gotten to the magic yet! He uses forbidden Blood Magicks to both trans his gender and fight, which is primo comedic and angst material. We've got a multi-use elf over here!

And did I mention he's a healer? This gives us some of his greatest hits, like my personal favorite, ""I will tear you to pieces and put you back together *wrong*.""

 Now we're low on time here before the next commercial break, but a quick rundown of some of his other, very blorboable traits are:

-has a ghost for a mom

-can turn into a cat (using other forbidden magicks he learned from a goth swamp witch)

-married the assassin sent to kill him

and

-has a dog for a best friend while being simultaneously deathly afraid of dogs

Vote Renlin Surana today!

Renlin is a 5' 1" elven short king with androgynous features, sharp teeth, and eyes that get a little fucked up due to all that Blood Magic we talked about. He's fair-skinned, with long brown hair, cat-like eyes, and sharp features.