#lildevyl's rant

[lildevyl]

Idea that will NEVER See the Light of Day!

Okay, so, I’m going through a FUNK right now!  So, I’m just going to put all my ideas that are going through my head and the ones that I actually written down here.  Feel free to use any of them! Just tag me if ya do so I can R&R!

Art Ideas:

My Creative Buddies/Multi-Fandom Fiends as Yugioh Cards:

Okay, so I’ve kinda have some inspiration! A while ago I posted that I’ve been going through somethings and needed a distraction. Someone reached out and gave me an Art Request! I’m going to do it! I just need kick myself to get going! The Art Request is Joey Wheeler from Yugioh in Prince Aldan’s Costume from Disney’s Aladdin.

The idea and inspiration is draw all of my Creative Buddies (Mutals) and my Multi-Fandom Fiends as Yugioh Cards! And have a little text about the cards. Their special Attacks/Abilities, which cards go great with them.

Don’t Draw Chase!:

This is a two parter!

Part 1:  I do the little challenge/tag reblog of my drawing Chase and then gets transported to where Chase got transported too

Part 2:  I draw my Creative Buddies/Multi-Fandom Fiends who are Artists, drawing Chase and then they get transported to where Chase gets transported too! The Plot Twist is that they call me up wanting to know if I can help them get back, only for me to find out that they somehow got transported into a story or comic that I was working on!

Animal AU:  This is based on @septic-dr-schneep​​ Animal AU.  The Egos as Animals! I want to draw JJ as a Rabbit thumping his big paw in Morse Code. Something like this, thumpthumpthump Thump Thump Thump  thumpthumpthump.  SOS

I’m planning on drawing all the Egos as the different Animals that I want to draw them as in the Animal AU that’s probably never going to see the light of day of me writing it!

JJ as a Rabbit.  Chase as a Golden Retriever.  Schneep as an Owl.  Marvin as a Cat or something in the feline family.  Jackie as Service Dog.  Anti as a Buzzer/Vulture something along those lines.

Draw this in Your Own Style:  I don’t think this is going to happen.  Mainly, b/c I don’t have my own style or I just don’t know what my style is!  I wanted to draw one of @huffletrax​ Marvin’s Drawings.  This might come around, when I get myself to stop staring at a blank screen or wasting time scrolling through Reddit or Tumblr and actually do something!

Fantasy AU:  Inspired by @rogue-of-broken-time​'s Fantasy AU.  I'm not sure if I'll ever get to draw this!

I want to draw like a mini comic or something.  You're walking along a path in the woods to find someone.  It's getting pretty dark, and you have no idea where to go or what's actually out here.  You see tiny little lights and then you see a floating eyeball?!  The green floating eyeball waves it's tail at you to follow it.  It leads down the path and then off the path to clearing.  There you see the person who you've been searching for!

"Ah, I see you found them, Sam!  Come in, come in!  Have a seat!"  The person points to one of the stones to sit on.  "So, what can I do for ya?" You hand them a scroll that King has order you, the Royal Scribe to give to them.  "Ah, so you want to know what actually happened?  You're the Royal Scribe?  The one to keep all the records?  I see.  Well, I can help you!  I know what did happen all to well."  They look off into the distance for some time.  "My name's Rogue and I'll tell you the tale."

Writing Ideas:

Animal AU:  This based on @septic-dr-schneep's Animal AU.  Thank You Rilia for the inspiration but I'm sorry that I won't be able to write anytime soon!

Summary:  Sarah needs a Service Dog a for her heart condition. If her heart rate reaches above a certain level she could pass-out and die.  Her father does everything he can to make sure that Sarah get the Service Dog that she needs! Sarah, names the dog Jackie after Septic City's Superhero Jackieboy Man. Some time passes and Sarah and Jackie are having a time of their lives!

Sarah's knows that do to her condition that she will never be able to follow in her father's footsteps to become an Officer, so she decides to become a Vet instead!  Being able to help others and their beloved pets.  However, Sarah and her friends notice that something really weird is going on in Septic City.  All the stray Animals have started to disappear and it's not do the Animal Shelters either!

Sarah accidentally stumbles upon the reason why the Stray Animals have been disappearing.  Some Mad Scientist/Vet have been pet-napping them and using them for his experiments.  Now, with Sarah in his grasp and them being out near the city limits of in one of the abandon warehouses, the Mad Scientist can finally start using her as a test subject!

Sarah's father, Septic City's Police Chief asks help of someone he never thought in a million years for help to help bring his daughter back in piece, Jackieboy Man.

Fantasy AU:  Inspired by @rogue-of-broken-time's Fantasy AU.  Thank You so much for the inspiration Rogue!  Hopefully, this might get written!

Summary:  In a far away land, a Kingdom lives in peace with Magic and Non-Magic users co-existing peacefully.  But things haven't always been, this peaceful between the two Races.  Magic was heavily feared and outlawed in a Kingdom where King Anti rules with an iron fist and a Black Heart.  One Kingdom welcomes all Magical beings and has kept the peace for years.  Until the Corrupted King declares war and secrets of the Corrupted King and the heir to the Magical Kingdom comes to the surface.

Wrestling AU:  This idea is inspired by the YouTuber Tournament Series by N60Sean!  He uses Create A Wrestlers of different YouTubers and it got me thinking!  A crossover of YouTube and Wresting!

Summary:  Felix Kjellberg aka "The King of YouTube" decides to start his own Wrestling Company with the help of his friends and Indie Wrestlers! The Wrestling Company is a huge success but it also catches the attention of another Wrestling Company, AEW (All Elite Wrestling).  Cody shows up on the biggest night of them all, offering to buy Felix's Company all out with no strings attached and to buy all of the Wrestlers too!  Felix refuses and now there is an all out War!

Yugioh AU:  A Crossover with YouTube and Yugioh!

Summary:  One of Jack's friends has been kidnapped!!!  Now, he and his friends have compete in a Duel Masters Tournament to get his friends back!  Along the way, Jack discovers more about himself, and about the spirit of his puzzle Sean.

Egopocaplse:  The Universe/World of the Egos that I've been writing about!  I'm not sure if I'll ever get to write the one-shots/multi chapter stories about the Egos that I want to write.  I have most of the Head Canons of the Egos and what I like to write about these guys and have an idea on where I want to go with it.  And with the all the Guest Stars too!  I just have no idea if I'll be able to actually not only write the stories but also finish the damn things!  I have so many WIPs it's not even funny and I want to freakin' finish them but it seems like every time I'm stuck on a story, I get an idea for another!

And no, I can't really hyper focus on one thing and though I'm super into it! My brain just work like that!  I don't know why, but I just doesn't!

Love Potion:  Inspired by @m4delin and @juju-on-that-yeet Ego Ship of Illinois and Yancy!

Summary:  Yancy and Illinois have a crush on another but neither of them know it!  It’s gotten to the point where everyone in Ego Inc. has place bets on who will confess to who first!  But when Illinois and Yancy over hear the other say something, they both think that the other has crush on someone else!

Meanwhile, Yandereplier is desperate to find their Senpi!!  After helping Marvin translate one his spell books, Yandere finds a spell that they want to try out. Reveal Your True Love.  When Illinois mistakes the potion for a flavor syrup that Yandere accidentally left out on the counter, Illinois suddenly has the urge to confess his love to a very confused Yancy.

Avatar the Last Airbender:

Summary:  Hundred years have passed since the last Avatar was reincarnated. No one knows what had happened to the last Avatar an Air Bender, but now with the Commit on its way to give the Fire Nation one last powerful push.  The new Avatar, a Water Bender has been found.  A South Pole Water Bender, named Sokka.

[lildevyl]

OP, you’re not wrong!

I never really liked Snape when he was first introduced just something about him! Then we find out that he and James Potter (Harry’s father) and Lily Potter (Harry’s Mother) all went to school together! So, let me break this down here. Snape and Lily grew up together and became friends. They went to Hogwarts together and were both put into separate houses!

Now, I’m not going to say that James and his friends were good people! Hell, they took their pranks way too far and yes, they did bullied some people! But the thing of it is, James realized that he needed to grow up and he did! He got his act together and tried to be a better person. Snape not only couldn’t let go of the fact that Lily was no longer his friend, but couldn’t let go of the grudge that he fester for years!  And I do mean years! Like 15 years or so! He asked Voldemort to spare Lily never mind you that Voldemort was going to kill a 15 month old! What was Snape thinking, that after Voldemort killed James and Harry, she’ll go to him?! Not only that but he never once did anything to help Harry! Do you want to tell me that during their Olccumy Lessons that Snape never once saw the childhood that Harry went through?  A childhood similar to his and yet he just let Harry be led to slaughter?

Then Albus? The man, knew what kind of woman Petunia was! She hated Lily b/c Lily could do magic and she couldn’t! Basically, cut Lily out of her life for good! Saw, Lily as nothing more then a freak! The one that their parents loved more then her. Albus even mentioned everything that he knew that Harry went through in the fifth book! Knew the Harry hated going back to his relatives and that he was poorly treated and underfed. But insisted that he goes back!

Albus even convinced Monvira to let Harry be raise their even though she put up a huge fuss to not let be raised there! But on top of that, no one, not a single person went to check on Harry! His first letter was “Cupboard Under the Stairs” but no questioned it! Wouldn’t the way Hagrid found Harry be literally a “Red Flag?”

Not only that but was it just me or did they completely erased Lily? When Harry got to the Wizarding World it was the first time he even heard anything (other what his Aunt and Uncle had told him) about his parents. But everyone kept telling Harry stories about his father, never once about his mother. Other then Lily was “the brightest witch of her age” and that she had red hair and green eyes. But Harry didn’t know anything else of her!

Why is it that they had no problem talking about James but never about Lily?

Sorry, for the rant, but after rethinking a lot of stuff, it just came out!

i haven’t liked jk rowling since I was 11 years old and she made Harry name his son after two of his childhood abusers. just sucks that she’s a genuinely shitty person all the way thru

[weirdmixofweirdness]

Future Me Letter Response

So last year, I decided to go on the site Future Me and make a letter to my future self. Well, I received it today and I decided I’d respond to it here.

Here’s the letter (Please note, some names will be removed for the sake of privacy):

Dear FutureMe, Hey, Wren. Do you still go by Wren? If not, that's okay. I'd rather we not keep a name if we're uncomfortable with it (not that I am right now, but I guess I don't know if I end up feeling that way.). I'm in a weird place right now. In case you don't remember, Unus Annus was deleted yesterday and it feels weird not to have it on my YouTube feed anymore. For the past year, it's been such a constant of chaos and existential dread, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Do you still have the UA notes in your Google Docs? If so, do you still look back on it every now and then (when you're not busy with classwork. Oh, who am I kidding? You're still on the internet and procrastinating most of the time.)? Also, have you made that YouTube channel? Recently, I've started to come up with UA-esque ideas for my own channel. I hope I actually act on that. If you haven't, it's okay. There's always next year. How's the family doing? Ever since Aunt Mom died, things have felt good between Uncle Dad and me. He calls every now and then to check on me. It's so sweet! (Hopefully, nothing happened to him and I didn't just make my future self cry. If I did, I'm so sorry!) Are you still close with Aunt L? We went out for lunch at J&P's yesterday (in her new car) and had a great time. Hopefully, when you're reading this, Little Miss Rona is gone and you and her are able to go on your monthly dinners (if nothing happened to her, which I hope nothing did). Have you discovered more about your identity? Right now, I identify as a grayasexual lesbian aromantic homoalterous demigirl (boy, that's a mouthful!). That could always change, though. However I choose to identify in the future, just know that you are valid, no matter what anyone says. Have you written more of your stories lately? Right now, I'm on (yet another) hiatus. I'm hoping to improve on the speed and quality of my writing. Hopefully, I actually have (at least a little bit). Is @lildevyl still on Tumblr and writing? She's such a sweet person! So many bad things are happening to her right now that she doesn't deserve. If she's still there, send a message to her after you read this letter. Let her know how much you care for and appreciate her. You'll really make her day. Now, to the big questions for 2021. First of all, how is Biden doing as President? Are things getting better? More importantly, did Trump have to get escorted out of the White House by security? If he did, was it hilarious? I bet it was! I hope that guy was treated exactly how he treated the country: with no respect whatsoever. Anyway, rant over. Okay, here's my second big question: how's drinking? I don't think I'm gonna be a big drinker. In fact, I know I'm not gonna be a big drinker (unless you drink that alcoholic iced tea.). How was your first drink? What was your first drink? Where did you have your first drink? Okay, I'm done asking drinking questions. You're probably tired of that. How is my cosplay thing going? I've been telling myself that I'm gonna be doing some once I have enough money to buy stuff for it. The ones I'm the most excited to do are Mayor Damien and Actor Mark. Have you been able to do those? If so, know that I'm internally screaming just imagining it. Okay, I think that's all I've wanted to ask. The only thing I have left to say is this: you're an amazing person with so much to give. Please be kinder to and more patient with yourself. Change doesn't come instantly. Just keep moving to the best of your ability and know that there are so many people who believe in you (and this is coming from yourself, so you can't deny it!). And as Mark said on that UA livestream, be sure to try and spend every second doing stuff that makes you happy, whether it be working on a story or just relaxing and watching YouTube videos. I guess what I'm trying to say is take care of and believe in yourself. I wish nothing but the best for future me in all that I do.

Hope to see you again in 2022, Wren Wesley

My response

Past Me,

Hello from the future. To start off, no, we chose not to keep the name Wren. After a while, we ended up feeling like it didn’t fit us. Now, we go by either Tori or Arden. We have decided that we want to make Arden our middle name. Mae is too feminine, and Arden seems like a name that fits us. Yes, I remember Unus Annus being deleted. How could I forget? As you said, it impacted us so much. In fact, we set up an anniversary project for it on the internet. Unfortunately, mental health stuff got in the way and we had to postpone it to next year. Hopefully, I’ll be talking about it in my letter response in 2022. As for the notes, yes, we kept them. No, we haven’t looked at them every day. We’ve been so swept up in TikTok, Tumblr, and YouTube (as well as school stuff, of course) that we haven’t really looked at it for a while. Regardless, I still have it in my Google Docs and will be looking at it again sometime either today or this week, since you reminded me. Unfortunately, we haven’t made that channel yet. We got kinda sidetracked with life and, again, mental health. As you said, there’s always next year, so I’ll try as hard as I can to make that happen. Family relations hasn’t been too good recently. A few days ago, I started a temporary college leave and am living with Aunt L until Fall 2022. Uncle Dad isn’t too happy about it. He feels as we’re abandoning him. However, you know as well as I do that we need a break from that environment. We don’t feel like we can truly be ourselves with him. From this, we’ve discovered that we have troubles with communication. We’re looking to get therapy for it very soon. For now, we’re settling into Aunt L’s house. The room she gave us is nice. We even have a TV to play our Switch on (yes, we got a switch this year. Aunt L gave it to us as a birthday present). I guess that answered your questions about our relationship with her. And yes, we are once again doing our monthly outings with her. Our identity has changed somewhat drastically since you wrote this letter. As of 2021, you will start identifying as an Agender/Neutrois, Libramasculine, Aromantic, Panqueerplatonic, Aegobisexual. Yep, it’s even more of a mouthful now. However, we’re much happier with our identity now. Yes, we have some moments of doubt, but everyone has those moments. we haven’t written many stories lately. In fact, we accidentally deleted our writing blog, so now we’re mainly writing on AO3 (when we do write). However, we have so many ideas for new stories and hopefully they’ll be written by the time I respond to the next letter. We also discovered that the speed of our writing doesn’t really matter. Write on your own time (although you do still need to push yourself to write every now and then). Yes, Dev is still on Tumblr. We haven’t talked much this year, unfortunately. I’m hoping to improve on that from now on. I don’t want her to end up another person that I fall out of contact with due to my lack of socialness. (Dev, since I tagged you in this, just know how much I appreciate you. I’m gonna try to show that appreciation more this coming year, because you deserve all of it. You are such an amazing and talented person who I have the amazing pleasure of knowing.). Biden has been...meh. I mean, I feel less constantly stressed than when Trump was in office. However, there has been a shortage of a lot of things recently. Whether that’s him or a side effect of Covid, I don’t know. But, yeah, it’s a pretty meh presidency so far. And no, Trump didn’t have to get escorted out. However, Trump supporters did storm the Capital in January, so yeah...As for drinking, it’s not all that, just like we expected. Other adults hyped it up way too much. My first drink was this random, small bottle of wine at Uncle Dad’s house. It was terrible! The cosplay thing is moving very slowly, but we’ve done more. We haven’t dressed as Damien or Actor yet (sorry, you have to hold your excitement for a while). Still, we dressed as Chase and made 2 cosplays out of our DA OC, Nora Ables. It’s not much, but it’s still progress. Well, that’s all the answers I got. Thanks for the encouragement. You didn’t know, but I needed that so much right now. Anyway, I guess I’ll write another letter and make this a tradition. So, see you next year,

Tori Arden/WeirdMix

[pandoraborn]

A BRUSH WITH DANGER Chapter 10

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Curled up against the headboard, Chase is busy toying with a paintbrush to distract himself from Jacques’ gaze. They’ve been sitting in silence for close to an hour, with Jacques glaring furiously at him the entire time. This isn’t counting the all-French rant Jacques had unleashed on him the second Chase had  since they returned from the waterpark. Chase knows nothing that happened is his fault, but guilt is churning in his stomach anyway over the events.

Part of him wants to stand up for himself and argue that Jackie’s presence had been out of concern, but he also can’t bring himself to say anything to defend the hero either. He’s also mad at Jackie -- Chase is allowed to spend time with his children without someone jumping in and interfering! It’s wrong to feel this way about someone who’s supposed to be his friend, but as far as Chase is concerned, Jackie has crossed a line.

“So,” Jacques begins. He’s still leaning against the door, arms crossed. His tone is icy, and Chase flinches at the inflection. “I still do not understand Jackieboy Man.”

“Don’t look at me,” Chase grumbles. He lowers the paintbrush, finally forcing himself to look up at the painter. “I don’t have my phone, I can’t call him up and ask him to show up.” He can’t hide the irritation in his own voice, though he doesn’t know if he’s just tired, or mad that his day with his kids was cut shorter than he’d planned for.

“You had your son’s phone, how can I trust that you didn’t attempt to reach out?” Jacques moves closer, lips curling upward in a snarl. “You know I wanted to keep them.” The way he’s looming over Chase strikes fear into him, and Chase shrinks back. He hadn’t been aware of any plan involving the kids, he’d been under the impression that he was allowed to see them every once in awhile, as a reward for choosing to stay with Jacques. Chase wanted to keep up as much of a normal life as possible, especially where his family is concerned.

“You...you didn’t tell me about that,” he stammers, turning his gaze away again. “I thought I was allowed to spend a day with them for being so good-” 

“Oui,” Jacques clarifies. “Of course you’re good, you’re such a good friend to me.” He approaches, reaching out to press a gentle hand to Chase’s cheek. Chase is so conditioned to the tender affection from him that his eyes are already fluttering shut as he leans into the caress. “I wanted to keep them for your benefit. You deserve to be the primary caretaker, mon trésor. Do you really think I would bring harm to them? They are such innocent little gems, non?”

Chase nods idly, eyes opening a crack, already revealing an unfocused haze that shows he’s slipping. Too well conditioned, just the way Jacques prefers him. “This means we need to get rid of your friends, Chase.” Jacques pulls his hand away. “You’re just as angry over Jackie’s stunt. He tried to hurt me, would you stand for that?”

“No,” Chase says quietly. “I’m allowed to spend time with them. I’m allowed to take them out, Stacy and I have that agreement. No one needs to show up and take that away from me. I’m the dad.”

“You are,” Jacques encourages. He drops onto the bed next to Chase, yanking him away from the headboard. “You also do not need to fear me, I’m not angry at you. Just in general, really. This was supposed to be a special day.”

Chase drops the paintbrush on Jacques’ lap, letting his hands rest in his lap. “Are you okay?” He asks. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” There’s that nagging in the back of Chase’s mind that tells him again that something is off, but he doesn’t know what that is. He picked his company, he’s happy with the company he picked. Thus far, Jacques had been a really good friend; Chase has no reason to mistrust him.

“I am okay. I am more upset than hurt,” Jacques says quietly. “But you do know they’re going to keep coming for you unless you put your foot down.” He shoots Chase a concerned look. “I could stop them myself, but I need you on my side. You’re going to lose your entire family at this rate. Think of the children.”

Chase is quiet. He knows Jacques is right, but that doubt is manifesting again, leaving him questioning everything all over again. Or trying to, it’s hard to really think when he feels like he’s swimming under water with no way to surface. “You...” he’s forcing himself to voice his thoughts now. “You want me, to stand up against...” 

“The magician, and the hero,” Jacques finishes for him. “They’re a threat.” He’s reaching out to caress Chase again. Those stupid little touches keep him docile and unable to think straight, Chase loves them. It’s hard to really focus on anything, so he lets himself slip even further down. It’s what Jacques wants, anyway.

“They don’t trust me,” Chase says softly. “I know they don’t. They don’t trust my judgement. I just wanted one day with my kids, and they couldn’t give me that, and I know Stacy’s going to fight me on this now.”

“We have to get her to trust you again,” Jacques says. “Any ideas how we can do that?” Chase doesn’t have to open his eyes to know Jacques is smirking. He has a feeling Jacques already has a plan in mind, but like an actual friend, he’s putting his trust in Chase.

That feels just as good as the gentle massages.

“We show her,” Chase continues, voice drifting. “We show her first hand that you’re not a bad guy, just like you showed me. When she starts trusting us, then I’ll be able to see my kids.”

“And what about your former friends? The other ones?”

“I...” Chase hesitates here. “I don’t know.”

“It is okay, mon trésor.” Jacques hand pulls back, leaving Chase slumped against the bed in a stupor. “You do not have to worry about that. Let me take care of them, I’ll ask for your help when I need it.”

Eyes crack open to watch as Jacques gets up off the bed, heading for the door. “In the meantime, you stay put. Order food, watch whatever you’d like, make yourself at home, but do relax.”

“Are you leaving?” Chase asks, sitting up slowly. He’s fishing for the remote; it’s buried somewhere in the nightstand. The idea of room service sounds appealing too.

“Oui, I have some business to take care of,” Jacques explains. “I’ll be back later, do not wait up for me.”

“You’re not going after them right now, are you?”

Jacques places a hand on the knob, turning around and shooting Chase a bright grin. “Oh no, don’t you worry. We’ll deal with the pesky former friends of yours later. This is just a business meeting with a client.”

“This late?” Chase frowns, but he’s settling back in bed anyway, deciding to make himself comfortable. He didn’t know anything about a meeting, but it’s probably none of his business to begin with. This is, after all, Jacques’ career.

“Of course. Art doesn’t have a timeline. You’ll learn that soon, Chase.” With those words, he leaves, with the door clicking closed behind him.

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tag list:

@immabethehero  @ari-trash @autumnrambles  @honestlyitsjustkenna  @southern-septic @obsidiancreates @blitzindite @lildevyl  @10th-no-name-person  @taikeero-lecoredier @spudmcloughlin @averyancora  @henrik-von-schneeplestein @antis-gauge @pmaismydna @coffee-bean-boi

[lildevyl]

Ranting/Venting.  Sorry for the Vent.  Lil Devyl’s Vent.  Loan Sharks!  That’s all they are!

Student Debt Forgiveness?  I wish I heard of that!  I went to a school to get a certificate from American Career Institute for Graphic Designing.  They never once told us when we were signing up for FASFA that it was a student loan!  NOT ONCE!!  They told us is it was Grant!

Okay, so if your wondering, a student loan is a loan you take and are excepted to pay back six months after you are either done school (dropped out or finished the program) or graduated.  A Grant is something that the Government will lend you but you don’t need to pay back.  It’s not much but better then paying all out of pocket.

The American Career Institute closed it’s doors before I even got my certificate.  The school put all the student names to Credit Lenders.  I haven’t heard from them in three years!  And then when I filed my taxes they kept the tax return for the “Student Debt.”

Yeah, the debt I knew nothing about, and hadn’t heard anything from them in so long!  Our Government is screwed!

Talked to my case manager yesterday, then did some research today.

Did you know that as an adult on SSI disability I am not allowed to go to school? Because that would mean I was able to work and should be doing that instead?

There are programs that will help you attend classes and work, but they are either age-limited or have a lifetime time limit on how much you can do without losing your benefits. Or both!

So how about in y'all's activism around student debt forgiveness, you make sure to bring up how disabled people can't even take a few classes, but are just supposed to rot like unwanted animals in cages.

[lildevyl]

Creator:  Wow!  I’m going to finally be able to write all those ideas that’s been in my head and be able to upload more!

Gets nothing done.

Creator:  Wow!  I’ll finally be able to binge watch my favorite show, that new show, or some of my favorite YouTubers now!

Gets nothing done.

Creator:  I’ll finally be able to learn that new skill I’ve been meaning to try!  Like learning how to sew, so I can make my own shirts now!  And possibly my Cosplay Costumes!

Gets nothing done.

Okay, Covid 19/Corona-virus!  Can you please be over and done with!!!  So, everyone can go back to work and get their jobs back and I will have an actual excuse of not getting things done?!?!?!?

[lildevyl]

Me (sees so many cool animatics):  Cool, maybe I should try to make one.

Also me:  Oh wait, I can’t draw.

Me: I should buy a tablet then I can draw!

Also me:  *After a few hours of practicing*  Yup, still can’t draw.  Back to the drawing board. 

[lildevyl]

What the hell’s wrong with me today?!  I feel so Blah!!!  I kept saying I want to try doing art again, and yet my digital art tablet still sits in it’s box.  I told myself and my husband that I want to try some drawing today.  Yet, I’m still scouring the internet to preoccupy me.  I say I’m going write.  I write when it hit midnight and wonder why I’m so tired in the morning.

What the absolute fuck?  What’s wrong with me?

[lildevyl]

This probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but after today and after checking my student e-mail and my Community College Website.  I need to vent here.

Okay, so I work at a Big Chain Main Stream Grocery store here in the tri-state area (MD, Penn, VA) and after tonight.  OH, MY GHOUL PEOPLE!!!!!  But I can’t fully blame the parents on this.  It was a non-stop cart to cart to cart shopping cart full of everything!  We literally just got hand sanitizer and toilet paper in, and the toilet paper is gone!  The hand sanitizer will be gone by tomorrow.  And I’m surprised we still have bottles of water left!

But what has got me and this is what I can’t really blame the parents here for, is that every single College (yes including Community Colleges) and Universities:  Have officially sent everyone home!  All the students home!  The staff will contact them via Blackboard and e-mail for the class material.  All events regarding the students using the campus all have been canceled until further notice.  All staff members are still to come to campus for regular hours.

My question is, what about the students here?  What about the students who are on scholarships?  What about the students who need the scholarships?  What about the students who are not in state but are from out of state and are either living on campus or in the campus area?  Are you guys going to make sure they get their money for the tuition fee?  Or are you going to reimburse them?

I mean I understand why the parents were stocking up so much.  They were making sure they have enough food for everyone for two weeks.  At least that’s what they're saying.  Translation: “We’re stocking up because no one knows how long the College will have all the students be home and just have them do their courses and tests online.”

So Senator Hogan, if you were going for the “Zombie Apocalypse/It’s the Apocalypse” Statewide panic.  Congratulations!  You have officially brought to life The Walking Dead.  *Note the sarcasm, sir, because this is utterly and completely ridiculous, and ludicrous*

Thanks for coming to my rant!

[lildevyl]

All this time and nothing comes.  You can ignore this. I just needed to vent/rant.

Shit, I fucking want to write so why is when I’m at my god damn mother fucking dead-end job.  With customers acting and being more hostile than usual and everyone just fucking excusing their behavior b/c it’s the “CoranoVirus Panidamic” is why they’re acting this way.  I can imagine several great scenes for my stories!

And yet here I am.  Wasting so much fucking time!!!  Why am I like this?!  Why do I keep doing this?  Why is it at work when I have absolutely no time what so ever and can’t sit and write.  I have the “Unlimited Imagination!”  Yet, when I get home from work, and finally get to relax and take time for myself.  It’s a blank screen and me just scrolling through the internet trying to distract myself from work.

I HATE my job!!!  If I could leave and never come back and still have all this money to pay my bills. I would!  I would walk out and never come back!  But the reality is, I can’t.  I can’t leave until I find another job and that’s harder now than before!  I haven’t heard anything even though the one place I’ve been trying to get in for the past two years is hiring!!!!  WTF?!?!?!!!

I’m hating myself for being so - what’s the word I’m looking for?  Lazy?  Unmotovativated? Procrastinating?  Uneventful?  Something like that!

Not getting things done that you want to get done that you’ve been meaning to get done, that you’ve been planning to get done.  Because you're too busy doing something else.  Too busy chasing after something that won’t make you feel better but you’re so convinced or hoping that as soon as find something then you’ll forget the craptastic day and the way you're constantly being treated.

Why can’t I do anything right?  Why am I so LAZY that I can’t get things I want to do done b/c I’m too busy doing other things that don’t matter?

Just why me?!  WHY?!

[lildevyl]

YouTube is bullshit now!  It logged me out of my account and now I’m going through hell for the past hour to just try to log back!  And I keep getting Error!  There was an error that’s all we can say.  Can’t log in at this time try again later!  Like what the hell!!!!!  YouTube get your shit together!  This why your losing people to Twitch!!!

[lildevyl]

Getting This Off My Chest (Rant/Vent) 😔

I know this isn't going change anything and I just need to get the off my chest! I haven't fully gotten the chance to see Quackity's or TommyInnit's VOD but from all the clips and posts that I've seen.

Well, THANKS Cannon! Now, I have to scrap all the AU planning that I have! Just thanks! Because I know if I start to write anything with c!Dream that isn't in character or even so much as even try that Second Chance!AU that was completely looking forward in doing that was going be so Canon Diverse that Canon wasn't even going to be a thing or it was going to be so diverse from that it was suppose be a completely different time line!

But now?! Now, I know I can't write it! I can't write it even though it was inspired by a comic from an Artist that I'm huge fan of! I can't write now! Because if I do, then people are going to think that I'm c!Dream Apologist when I never been one! I like his character! I like analyzing it trying to see what makes him tick! But I even attempt to write this AU for c!Dream? Yeah, it's going to be coming out of the fucking wood work of something that I'm not or worst!

I feel like I'm back in the god damn JackSepticeye Community Controversy when came to writing AntiSepticeye! That you couldn't fucking write a Soft!Anti story because if you did then you were "Ruining the Character!" Because in Canon AntiSepticeye is this "Monster of an Evil Villain" he's not "Nice!" And writing him like that is just wrong!

And I hated it! Because I felt so guilty and bad for enjoying that guilty pleasure of mine to the point where, it took so long to just write let alone even attempt to post the damn Swap!AU!

Now, feel the exact same way with this! So, thanks Canon! Now, I'm just going to pretend that I'm actually a somewhat decent writer and write the "Safe" stuff with Dream SMP when it comes to c!Dream! Otherwise, I'm going be labeled at a fucking "Dream Apologist" and that's just something I don't have the time, the energy, the mental compacity to even try to explain myself for why I'm writing a fucking Canon Diverse AU of a character that's going be OOC and very non-in character!

I'm ending this here! If read this, don't even bother coming in my DM's or Inbox with the whole, "You're Dream Apologist?" or whatever the fuck! It's going be deleted b/c no, I'm not! There's was an AU I wanted to write about giving c!Dream a Second Chance at life that would have been completely Canon Diverse.

But now? I'm not so sure I'm even allowed to even write let alone even try to post!

Am I going to do other Characters for the Second Chance AU? YES! For Dream? I don't even fucking know now!

[lildevyl]

😑😪😥😔😞

I’m gonna go and pretend that I’m valid!

Imagine that I finally have a nice paying job where all the hard work of teaching yourself the skills you need in the field you want to be in has finally paid off!

Imagine that I finally come up with awsome ideas and actually get them done without staring at a blank screen for hours on end and gets nothing done and have nothing to show for it!

Imagine, being able to write! To actually and finally be able to write something that your proud of! Won’t get Writer’s Block, updates will be on an actual schedule instead of one chapter and then weeks later another chapter, and the story finally is able to be finished!

Imagine, being able to draw! Finally able to tradition from Traditional Art that I haven’t been able to do in over a decade to Digital Art without trying to do to as Traditional Art. Finally be able to get that damn voice outta my head about never being good enough! Finally, being able to find and recognized my own art style without actually comparing myself to others!

Imagine, being able to post something and people actually like it! You finally can say that you made something grand! You have a lot of notes or start to average what the other writers and artist average in three weeks that takes you three months to get!

Imagine, being able to keep the façade up without my mask cracking and breaking! Not crying in front of a co-worker and then feeling bad when you hear them say that, “I didn’t know she ever felt like or was that depressed” b/c you couldn’t keep the façade up! Couldn’t keep pretending that everything fine!

Imagine, being able to make all these plans in you head. But when you finally look back, you realize that’s all it was. You imagine it all up, it never happened, you wasted time, with nothing to show for it. People are back on your dash and you just imagined - hallucinated that they were never on your dash. And your so outta the loop!

Imagine, being able to feel like yourself without feeling like your an Imposter and at ay minute now. Someone’s going to know your not the person you said you are. But you don’t know who you are anymore! So, keep going hoping that if you pretend enough, you’ll start to believe and stop feeling like you don’t belong.

Imagine, being able to be part of group without being excluded!

Imagine, being an adult in your 30′s and your finally able to make friends and not feel so alone. And be able to hangout, go out to restaurants and the movies with friends and not feel alone. Like the only person you have in your life is your spouse!

Imagine ~ that this actually happened and it wasn’t just all in my head so when I do finally “Wake Up.” Reality won’t come crashing down on me.

Imagine.

[weirdmixofweirdness]

My Aunt/Mom told me to go to bed earlier, but even when I do that, I keep falling back asleep every morning.

Damn it! I have to get a sleep schedule worked out. I keep missing one of my class’ 8:00 am online discussions. And they’re probably part of my grade.

[lildevyl]

Okay, so I’m going to apologize ahead of time for this vent but at the same time I can really use some advice.  I have a friend that I practically adopted as a family member.  The problem?  I honestly don’t know how to handle their clinginess.

Friend:  Hey can you take me in town so I can get some Christmas shopping done?

Me:  Sure, but I have to be home around 8 for dinner.

*6 Hours Later*

Me:  Okay, we need to get going!  I need to get home now!  Are you done because I need to get home!  It’s late and I need to get home for dinner!

Friend:  Oh, okay, I’ll come over so we can hang!

======================

Me:  *Finds out that friend has serperate aniexty issues and can’t be by themselves for too long*

Me:  *Tries to down play it so as to not make seem like a big for them.

Friend:  When I told you about being by myself and how scare I am you just brushed it off like it was nothing!

===========

Friend:  Hey check this video by my favorite YouTuber!

Me;  Does this serious have anything with suicide in it?

Friend: Yeah, it does.  Oh it’s trigger.

Me:  *Tries to explain my triggers and that YouTubers even if it’s a blind playthrough, needs to put trigger warnings of games with that.  Then explains about the summary of games will have that and they do edit the videos they should know even it’s a blind playthrough.

Friend:  Yeah, I get it you have depression!  Let’s watch something else.

=========

*Friend moves away.  I’m sad but at the same time kinda glad b/c now we both have some space*

Friend:  Hey, can you take to the allergist?

Me:  Okay, but I have to be home by 6.  Promise Rose, I go play Bingo with her tonight.

*Goes to allergist then an improtue shopping trip*

Me:  Okay, I need to drop you off so I can get home.

Friend:  What?  I thought you can come in hangout?

Me:  I need to home remember?

Friend:  Oh, okay.

===========

Friend’s Cousin:  *Text:*  Hey, (Redacted) needs you to drive them to the allergist.

Me:  Yeah, I can do that, but I need to be home by 6.

Friend:  *Adds all the shopping to the list*

========

Friend:  Hey, can you come down?  I have you’re Christmas Present!

Me:  Sure, I have you’re Hanukkah Present.

*Exchange gifts and nothing but awkwardness b/c their too engross in their game.*

Friend:  Hey let me show you this videos of an artist that my sister and I like.

*15 minutes later*

Me:  Oh, cool.  I seen a video of them from EditingIsEverything!  Do want to see it?

Friend:  *Engross in game now*  Now, just text it too me and I’ll watch it later.

Friend:  *Too engross in game and never once invites or says anything that they want to me stay or hang out.

Me:  *After using the restroom*  Well, okay, I’m going to head out.

Friend:  What already?  I thought that you could you know, stay awhile and hangout?

Me:  *Feelings way too awkward especially, about being ignored* 

Me:  *Makes some kind of excuse that I need to head home*

=============

Okay, so I know it sounds bad and that it looks like I’m some sort of pushover.  But I’m not!  It’s just I have no idea how to handle a friend that really clingy!  And they say just to take them one place and then suddenly adds to the shopping list and no matter how much I keep saying I need to head home.  It doesn’t register.  And my friend is one of those people that if you don’t tell them bluntly what’s happening, they honestly don’t get the hints.

Just any advice will be helpful!  Thanks!  And sorry for the very long rant!

[weirdmixofweirdness]

Don’t worry. I’ll figure something out

Damn it! I have to get a sleep schedule worked out. I keep missing one of my class’ 8:00 am online discussions. And they’re probably part of my grade.