#lil stinky sword man

[koroart]

If I had a nickel for every time @targentis commissioned me to draw Felix, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s funny that it happened twice ✨

[phant0ma]

I love when fanfics write zoro to be the stinky one as opposed to sanji who smells of cologne and like. vanilla or smth

like while I think that sanji probably uses perfume/cologne there's no way that's all he smells like. he's literally a cook. I just fried smth in hot oil and u wouldn't believe the stench it leaves behind, I smell like fried chicken now 😭 and it's honestly not just frying. cooking in general usually leaves u smelling somewhat of food, especially seafood (which she cooks a lot of) and I imagine sanji probably uses soy sauce a lot to season which has a relatively strong scent too. as well as the fact that you sweat a LOT while cooking, particularly if you're always in a stupid suit/button up and dress pants. even if she showers twice daily there's no way it doesn't stick a lil bit 😭

zoro probably just smells sweaty, metallic and maybe like some kind of oil used for swords. that's it. I agree he probably smells sweatier (I don't believe that man uses cologne one bit. even deodorant might be a stretch) but worse than sanji? I'm not so sure.

honestly I'd say sanji's probably still better off but it's not as drastic. and I still love reading those fanfics so what do I know honestly LMAO

[babiebom]

Would I give them head?

A/N: I am so sorry for this I'm writing it at 3 am and I couldn't get it out of my head. I've been giggling for the past 10 minutes like a 7th grader. Also if you are reading this let me know if I should do something special for 50 followers. I know it's not a lot but I am so grateful! If yes let me know what I should do!

Tw: sexual content. Not explicit but it like look at the title. Cursing.

Genre: headcanons nsfw

Wc: idk it depends on which person. Probably 2+ for each.

This is including almost every male stardew character(obviously no kids) plus ridgeside plus expanded but not all because I cannot remember every single character and I don't wanna research rn.

Masterlist

Sebastian

Duh no doubt about it

He is the love of my life (well one of them)

I would give him the best head wymmmmm

Sam

Yes boy deserves it

Golden retriever coded guys deserve good head idc

Shane

Love sad men it's a yes

Kinda wanna make him cry because it's so good.

Maybe I can cure him

Elliott

No

Sorry it's not that I dislike him he's just not my favorite?

Maybe once as a treat but no other time than that

Harvey

Yeah he's the doctor for a small town

I gotta

Maybe he will stop billing me everytime I die

Alex

No

I am not attracted to this man he is more bestie coded to me

If he asked i would allow him a handjob I guess

Gus

Nope

Maybe he gets a Lil handjob as a treat because his food is good

Gunther

Maybe?

He kinda-

But not enough idk....

George

The reason I am writing this r n

The answer is no but the thought of doing it made me cackle

Lewis

Absolutely not

Fuck you old man

Pierre

NO

I hate this lying ass bitch I give you a kick

Willy

No sorry

He prolly smells like fish and salt and I am not fond

Love him tho stinky man

Kent

YES

would give him the sloppiest toppy known to man

He deserves it he needs it i want it pls bless me

I could beat Jodi's ass if it comes to it idc

Victor

Yes

I find him quite cute overlooking his slight classism.

Also for standing up to his mom for himself love that him

Demetrius

No

I'd rather give Robin head

He deserves no head for being crappy stepdad

Marlon

No

As much as I like him he probably does not shower

Also he is for the marnie's only

Clint

No

I wanna punch him so bad

Mr Qi

Maybe?

I don't find him attractive

But at the same time I find him mysterious and the might just be enough to convince me

Grandpa

HA

HAAAAAAA

no what is wrong with you

Andy

No

Prolly tastes like battery acid

He also gives off racist vibes

Wizard

Yeah

He's chill he can get some head

Morris

Maybe for a discount

Im equating Joja to Coke and I like coke

So only if he promises to give me a discount on stuff I want

Phillip

YES

Another love of my life

It was unexpected for me to love him but he is so cute to me

June

Yuperoni pepperoni

We love a man who is talented

Could easily convince me to give him head if he plays the piano for me ngl

Jeric

Maybe

I love but also hate him

He also gives off bestie vibes

Shiro

Yeah

I feel like he needs it:(

Ezekiel

No

I do however wanna smack his bald head

Not in a mean hateful kid of way I just wanna smack it

Lorenzo

Dilf Ngl

Maybe its because of his name idk

Answer is yes

Kimpoi

It was here where I started looking up characters bc i felt bad for leaving them out

No thank you I will not

Lance

Don't know much about him but I think hes cute so yes

His hair is cool

Isaac

Again don't know much about him hopefully he is not a child

But yeah he's cute so he gets a Lil head from me

Ian

If he takes a shower yes

Otherwise no

Kenneth

Yeah

I like his hair and I think he's cool for being an electrician

I know nothing else about him

Sean

Yeah he's cute so he can have some head

Im so sorry for not knowing im too busy simping over Seb and Phillip ngl

Anton

Uhhhhhh

Uhhhhhhhhhmaybe?

Im not attracted but unattracted to him so sure

Bryle

No

He reminds me of family

Like his face

Jio

Yea

As I have said before I love a mysterious man

Love a man with a sword

Zayne

I have no idea what this is

But I guess??

Have no reason to hate him so sure

Bert

No

He looks stinky :((

I also feel like his wife would beat my ass

Freddie

No

He is for the Lola's only

I also feel like he wouldn't be able to feel it

Mr Aguar

No

I do not enjoy his face

Pika

Simply because im assuming his food is good

I'll say sure simply for free food

Richard

No

So sorry

But no

Sonny

I will give him a platonic handjob

He deserves it bc he's a butler and probably does not get a day off with this family

[uraniumnm333]

bouta hit you w the polysho fantasy AU that i will try to turn into a fic.

okay so first of all, i would like to let everyone know that i have been listening to classical, or in some way medieval/classical coded songs including Cendrillon, Servant of Evil, and Karakuri Peirrot (clowns) so this shit gonna go hard as fuck and ALSO TSUKASA TENMA

anyways. btw tsukasa's story is kind of based off servant of evil so

tsukasa and saki live together in the castle and are used as a sort of puppet for a shadow gov't. tsukasa believes that he and saki aren't related but saki knows. so the plot is to use saki as a sort of scapegoat to collect more resources from the people and eventually dispose of her when they don't need her by posing a rebellion. tsukasa overhears them plotting this the night before and tries to evacuate saki. he does this (yippee !!!) but the advisors (which are the people coming up w the plot) catch on. they present him as the one who was actually raising all the taxes, clearing saki's name but dirtying his in the process. also he learns they were siblings. in some sort of pirates of the caribean fashion, he escapes the day of his execution. i'm talkin bro JUST avoids that axe and sword fights some people.

so tsukasa gets the hell out of york. and bro has some major trauma at this point yknow. he's trying to hide out and figure out what the hell he's supposed to do next, because he's by all accounts supposed to be dead, and WHERE THE FUCK IS SAKI ??? and. bro accidentally summons mystical being Hatsune Miku. i have this in my mind as he's hiding out in the bushes, and bro is just. so done. he's camping out for the night and he's at like the breaking point. and he goes through the couple of things he still has (which is really not much) and breaks out a little heart shaped locket he has. and it's a picture of him and saki and he's looking at it and it HURTS because he misses her !!! and as soon as he learns that they're siblings ans that's his fucking sister she gets !!! taken away from him !!! and tsukasa just breaks down. just sobs man. and he's curled up and sad and he feels this tap on his shoulder and it's just "this is the end. someone found me i'm going to die." and he's about ready to because everything he lived for has been taken away from him !! and he looks over hsi shoulder and it's not a guard it's Hatsune fucking Miku, who is a god because why wouldn't she be.

n miku like. leaves him w wxs miku like "here's your guardian angel or shit ykyk. anyways gotta blast your god's favorite BYE !!!" and now he sees that along w his little heart locket of saki he now has a star shaped locket and when he opens it he can summon wxs miku. like she's a jojo stand. so he's still traveling and trying to stay undercover and bro kind of looks like shit. but he also knows he needs food because HOO BOY he's hungry. so he does the normal thing and starts going through people's trash bins. and he gets to The House That Probably Gives Out Full Sized Candy Bars (or the fantasy equivalent of that) and starts going through the trash and who walks out to see him but emu ! and she drags him inside and the ootori household is like "why the hell is this dirty stinky man who looks like he just crawled out of hell sitting at our dinner table ???" but they listen to him and he tells them that he's an experienced adventurer [lie] and he's out adventuring [lie]. and so they let him get cleaned up, he realizes his hair has grown out a bit, and they send emu along w him when he leaves. like. he's about to walk out of the door and say his thank yous before emu just starts dragging him along in the silliest way possible.

so emu and tsukasa hit the road !! yippee !! tsukasa's like spending the whole time a lil scared like "WHAT IF SOMEONE FINDS ME" and emu is just havin a good time. it turns out emu is a quirked up wizard girl and sends little letters to her family. and eventually she asks tsukasa about the locket n he shows her miku. yippee !! they also make money by running errands for other people. so they're runnin around the world and tsukasa is still trying to find saki AND stay as far away from people as possible. i'm talkin bro barely talks to the people he's workin w emu does all that shit.

so THEN they find this old ass tower and emu's like "let's sleep here tsukasa :D :D :D" and tsukasa's like "i would rather FUCKING DIE but okay. whatever." so they go in and spring like five different traps at once because those two are talented in being silly. and YOULL NEVER GUESS WHO rui comes out to investigate the two clowns he caught. and he's like "who the hell are you." as any normal person would question.

but of course he cannot resist the sillies and he's like "okay you can stay." and he shows them around and i'm taklin bro has the kookiest room imaginable got that clock hallway gears everywhere n shit you know how it is. and he tells them that he's an alchemist + cool mechanic guy. and emu is just falling in LOVE with his little robots. honestly who wouldn't i think they would be cute

and of course rui, magic man extraordinaire, senses the power of Hatsune Miku comin from the locket and he's like "lemme see that locket" and BAZOINGA !!! HATSUNE MIKU !!!

and while emu didn't know miku bc she was kind of like. a local thing. rui recognizes her IMMEDIATELY it's like if you were idk atheist or smth and Allah just appeared from your friend's neat rock he found. idk man i'm trying to draw a comparison. but the thing is while emu knows that there's some prince who's supposed to be dead from the country over, rui doesn't know that because he's a shut in. so they're both kind of missing information n neither of them can come to the conclusion that tsukasa is wanted for misuse of power tax fraud and tyranny. so rui's trying to figure out miku and emu's just happy she has friends and tsukasa is just havin a good time. they have a little sleepover thing in rui's room because normal.

rui being the first person either of them have really connected with in a while, they all hang out for a while longer have some fun you know. and then nene comes back !!! basically nene is a shapeshifter who usually shapeshifts into shadows because yeah. neato. and she also will go out for a while to make some money by selling rui's stuff. and she hears stuff and at this point word has really gotten around that people are looking for tsukasa !! there's a bounty on bro's head !!!

so she comes inside n only sees rui and he's about to tell her about tsukasa and emu but then she tells him first that theres a dangerous guy running around who is wanted !! and not in the good way !! and rui connects the dots and goes into Thinking Mode. and as soon as nene finishes this who comes into the room but Mr. FUCKING WAR CRIME HIMSELF !!!

so so rui emu and nene are all validly concerned about this and tsukasa's like "okay. listen to this. miku get over her" and tells them all about saki and evil shadow gov and almost dying and how he needs to keep looking for her. and miku clearly knows this but she does it in the silliest way bc tsukasa's over here sobbing his eyes out about his possibly dead sister and she's like "yeah !!! and THEN he almost died !!! isn't that wild !?!?!"

and yknow eventually they come around n clear his name or whatever and do some crazy theatre production. idk man ive been writing this forever eeby deeby yaba daba doo

[jrueships]

Jrue so geeky 🥰🥰🥰

[anonymouscreampuff]

Uhm... can u draw the rest of the Akatsuki that u haven’t drawn yet??? Love to see it

juzo, kyusuke, kie, and daibutsu my beloveds,,,,,,,,,

[sems-diarie]

sem i was rewatching a couple of gintama episodes for serotonin and i can’t help but gush over how adorable gintoki is i love that man sm 🥺 do you have a favourite episode you remember or a fav arc?

OHHH YEAHHHHH

okay okay let’s get it going- so sorry this got embarrassingly long -

the shogun assassination arc STOLE MY BREATH AWAY. kamui and sougo had me by my neck (and still do) and the fact that we got to see gintoki n takasugi together again!? i absolutely adore watching them on screen together. also! i’ve always loved shige but this was the arc that solidified him for me.

the snow vacation arc w shige was so fucking funny, too 😭😭😭😭😭 when kagura and otae didn’t wanna touch him because he was greasy and stinky it had me in tears

okay and then, the farewell shinsengumi arc was so good. gintama, i feel like, is character-dependent because around here is when the overarching plotline becomes a bit confusing for me—but i love nobume and isaburo so much. the love her has for her—i wish for it. gintama proves itself over and over again to cherish family, but this was when i knew.

shinpachi’s saber beam arc had me so fucking emotional lmfaooo. it was so bad bc we were just coming out of the courtesan of a nation arc (which left me heaving and huffing for hours afterwards LMFAOOO) then the shogun assassination arc, and then farewell shinsengumi—back to back to back, i couldn’t breathe. but it also felt so good to see shinpachi love and be loved like that. it was a new side of him for me (i don’t rlly like his character but i do appreciate him when it counts). and we got the golden gintoki begging scene that still leaves me choked up to this day rmfaooo. he loves those kids so much bro. and he isn’t afraid to throw away his pride for them because he knows- he knows that pride will never be worth the pain it can bring.

i rewatch the joui 4 reunion arc a lot bc i like seeing them all together during the war 🥺 s’comforting.

the popularity poll arc 😭😭😭 it got GRITTY SO QUICK LMFAOOO. everyone was clawing for power. i also love how our mc was #1. hair flip. as per usual. and the way it started w yamazaki getting mugged 😭😭😭 LMFAOOO

i fucking LOVE the gender swap arc RMFAOOO specifically for kyuubei <333333 and tskuyou. she was so fine as a man i’d let them both breed fr

yoshiwara in flames and the red spider arcs are classics. gintoki and tsu are a compelling duo—which is why I ADOREEEE THE LOVE POLLEN SPECIALSSSSS. i especially liked the spider arc bc gintoki knows what good love looks like, what it feels like. and he wants that for tsukki. the way he gets so angry on her behalf (and maybe a little of his own) is exactly why he’s so dear to me as an mc. he carries his supporting characters with a special kind of oomf.

the saw arc with hijikata and sougo was unbelievable i hate them so much 😭

i am also especially fond of the jirocho arc. that fight at the grave yard was actually what got me into gintama!! i saw a clip of him gnashing that sword and knew i’d give ‘toki some babies lmfaooo. and also—the way he loves, the way gintoki gives so much love and protection even though he’s only felt it once from one parental figure in his childhood…. when he, kagura, and shinpachi got into that fight and they told him life wouldn’t be fun without him and he told them he just wanted them to live. i don’t think i’ll ever recover. he’s the only man in the world for me.

i also liked the jail arc!! watching gintoki terrorize the other prisoners 😭😭😭

i really liked the gintoki-hijikata soul switch arc solely for the new gintoki hair style.

oh my GOD. THE CHEATING ARC!?? WITH OTOSE AND OTAE AND TSKUYOU AND LITERALLY EVERY WOMAN IN THE MAIN CAST!? LMRMFKO i was laid out the whole time. and jealous ☹️ i wanna be his lil wife or whatever ☹️

i appreciate the arc on kagura and kamui’s home planet bc we got to see development from all sides of the fight (katsura blossoming into zura) and i love it esp bc where everyone started coming together again 🥺🥺🥺 kamui and kagura’s backstory had me geeked so hard. i will forever love that kagura doesn’t really hold it against him for leaving her (or, she does, but if he wanted to come home she’d take him in with open arms)—but it still makes me angry that he did.

last but not least (and the most obvious) the exact plot of the silver soul arc was messy but when i tell you i was geeked 400% in every episode. especially the part when everyone was sleeping and partying and just enjoying each other’s company. the greatest thing about gintama is it’s ability to make you feel like you’re there.

but anyways, generally? if the episode has gintoki and takasugi or shigeshige or kagura and sougo or kamui in it, it’s def a favorite. or if all the girls get together. and literally every episode with gintoki backstory gives me serotonin. or episodes where both the shinsengumi and odd jobs are in them. yeah :D

[wri0thesley]

id love to tell you why benten is a lil stinky man :3 — there’s honestly so much i could say that would take hours to write down bc he’s so lore intensive :”

but he basically boils down to an anemo sword user who is also an old god originating from ancient inazuma (or whatever inazuma was thousands of years ago). he’s the god of paths and travel, virtually allowing him free reign to wander teyvat as he pleases, accumulating otherwordly levels of information that he alone can process (no gossip can escape him) - his banner epithet would actually be “Sibylline Nomad”.

he was one of the only gods willing to submit to the archon’s rule following the archon war, signing a single contract with them that let him to do what he wished so long as he didnt directly interfere with the path celestia and the archons had set for the future (loopholes included ofc)— his age also makes him good friends with zhongli to the point of referring to the latter as Morax more often than not (he’s still waiting to tell someone about morax’s angry drunk grandma days bc im convinced he had them)

but in the end, benten is kind of like the loki of teyvat - the snakey mischevious type with (very) slightly questionable motives who enjoys playing with the strings behind the scenes. he ranges from withholding vital info to making up stories to screw with future scholars. the world is his playground and he’ll take advantage of it in every way imaginable. (never pair him with yae miko bc the, ah, trouble they enjoy getting up to is a whole volume in on itself)

(that’s a lot im sorry - the avilability of genshin lore for characters is just so T-T)

ahh anon it's fine, i am always v happy and excited to read about other ppl's ocs! ESPECIALLY if they come with a lot of lore dfbnkjkjnb. and i always think that the thought of there being other gods still kicking around, gods of smaller, not exactly less important but certainly less all-pervasive, is a really interesting one to me!

i also love when people have like. thoughts about their banner epithets and their weapons and their voice-lines and level up materials too, i think that's a really fun thing that genshin allows for! his interactions with zhongli sound very fun. especially as zhongli is now on a much more equal footing than before!!

[tcookies777]

Here is a sneak peek at a side story I've written for The Anatomy of Love (a KakaSaku modern college au - AO3 hyperlink included)! You don't need to have read the fic to read this side story since this is a flashback to Kakashi's past when he was a teen, but it does help to understand since it's in the context of the fic itself!

The Anatomy of Love: Side Story - The Angel from Hell

About 14 years ago….

Summer in Sound country was utter shit.

Fire country had its droughts for sure during this season, and more often than not the trees would catch fire just from the mere glare of the sun on a dried leaf. But at least the trees also offered plenty of protection from the heat so long as the Firewatch was making sure those trees weren’t burning first.

Sound country, on the other hand, had nothing but empty golden plains that seemed to stretch on for eternity. If it didn’t look like a sort of heaven, Kakashi would’ve thought he was in hell what with the sun burning through his clothes and the scorched patches of earth peppered throughout the fields—a telltale sign of the bombs that had rained down on the area not too long ago.

A summer thunderstorm last week had given them a brief reprieve from the intense heat wave, but it had still left them uncomfortably soaked in their own clothes. A week later, the sun was back with a fiery vengeance, and they were back to soaking through their tactical gear in their own stink and sweat again, but this time with the muck of the marshlands clinging to their boots.

It had taken almost the whole day to sludge through the marshes and find shelter at a farmhouse that seemed to have been completely abandoned days ago. They’d cleared the house and finished in disappointment upon finding that all of the livestock were either gone or already getting feasted on by the maggots. Most of the food in the pantry had also long been raided save for a single jar of strawberry jam and a cracked egg left to spoil on a shelf. It wasn’t that everyone was starving—although they were certainly hungry after a day out trudging through a war zone—but a jar of sweet strawberry jelly was practically bliss compared to their MRE rations. Even Kakashi himself was getting wearier and wearier over every pound of rice he had to eat with the bland curry packed in his ration meal.

So the moment Anzu had spotted the bright red jar, there had immediately been a scuffle over who got to eat it. Being the fifth in command (and with the first four already dead), Kakashi had asserted the order that each person would get their fair share of strawberry jelly: one scoop and only after they’d finished their MREs for tonight. Everyone except Obito had glanced warily at each other, reluctant to follow the command of a 17-year-old boy despite him outranking them all. But, not wanting to throw a tantrum over strawberry fucking jelly of all things, they’d each grunted in answer.

And now that last bit of the jelly was getting scraped out of its jar by Obito after Kakashi had passed his share over to him. Sweets weren’t his thing anyway even if he would kill for something homemade rather than a meal full of preservatives.

The leftover spicy powder clung to the base of Kakashi’s back teeth no matter how many times he swigged down some water from his canteen. It was like chewing on sediment, and judging by the faces of everyone else, he was willing to bet none of them were intent on eating curry anytime soon after the end of this tour. He didn’t blame them.

“Piece of shit!” Tsutomu suddenly snarled, unsheathing his kukri to swipe at the fly that had been assaulting his face for the last half hour. The fat insect buzzed around him before disappearing into the man’s beard that was still coated with the blood from when a Sound soldier had tried to bash his face in back at the marshes. With a growl, Tsutomu swatted at his beard, prompting two flies to crawl out and give him double the work.

Sitting closest to him, Yori ducked when his blade nearly chopped her ear off. “Watch it!” she barked at him, flicking her chocolate brown braid aside to pick up some of the cards she’d dropped. She was the only woman among the twelve of them here, and she was also the only one besides Kakashi who had the guts to speak up against Tsutomu whenever his bitching got too loud or too obnoxious. Usually both.

The rest of the unit was in the middle of a very intense game of Spoons, using a beat up pair of playing cards someone had the smarts to bring. Considering it was his first tour though, Kakashi initially could not fathom who would want to play a card game in the middle of a war zone, and especially deep in the trenches of enemy territory. But he’d soon discovered that a card game was the best way to pass the time when there wasn’t much else to do but scout, kill, and sit on their asses to do it all over again. As it was now, they were on their thirty-fourth round of Spoons, and he just needed an Ace of Hearts to complete the set in his hand.

Passing another card to Obito, Kakashi wiped away a bead of sweat from his brow. Tucked beneath his shirt, the hot metal of his dog tags rubbed uncomfortably against his slick chest. Summer nights in Sound country were almost as bad as during the day. The good thing about it was that the humidity dropped, leaving the air so dry that his tongue felt like paper every time he opened his mouth. The bad thing was that, with the place so arid, they couldn’t risk lighting a fire lest they burn down their only shelter for the night (or attract the wrong kind of attention). So they’d turned on their flashlights, thankful that the equipment had somehow survived the trip through the marshes but not so happy that they couldn’t even light a cigarette.

Even without a fire, the summer heat had become far more unbearable than the mosquitoes that assaulted them every hour of the day. By midnight, everyone had resorted to stripping their tops off and leaving only their tactical vests on, filling the small space with their stinky sweat. It went against protocol, but nobody—not even Obito—listened to him when he offhandedly commented that they were sooner to die from a mosquito bite than a bullet wound if they dawdled around half-naked like that. Even Yori had given up, leaving Kakashi as the only one fully clothed in his combat fatigues.

“Bet you we could cook an egg on the ground with this heat,” Obito rasped out, pressing the cool, flat edge of his kukri against his cheek. Not the smartest move unless he wanted to risk stabbing his eye out, but he was far too desperate to care at this point. “Fuck, man, what I wouldn’t give for a sunnyside egg.”

“There’s one on the pantry shelf downstairs if the flies haven’t got to it yet,” Kakashi replied dismissively, passing a Queen of Hearts card to him and then picking up—ah-ha!

Holding his fourth and final Ace, Kakashi surreptitiously slid a hand out to grab one of the eight bullets that sat on the stool they were all sitting around. It took twenty seconds for anyone to notice that there were now only seven bullets remaining, and then chaos ensued as the rest of the unit members wrestled for the last bullets.

Once the dust had cleared and the knocked-over flashlights were propped back up, they each opened their hands to show who had a bullet and who didn’t. Tsutomu didn’t, and he did not look pleased about it.

“All right, who won it this time?” Midori sighed even as everyone looked expectantly to Kakashi who’d already flipped his deck around to show them his complete set of Aces.

“Fuck this!” Tsutomu threw his cards down and jabbed his kukri in Kakashi’s direction. “He’s always winning!”

“And you’re always too slow,” Yori said with a roll of her eyes. “You don’t hear me bitchin’ about it.”

“Maybe because I would’ve made you shut the fuck up!”

Before the two could begin snapping at each other's throats again, Midori was already nudging his glasses up as he said aloud, “He’s a Hatake. They don’t call him the prodigal White Fang for nothing, so of course he'd win. He's one of those freakin' geniuses who excel at everything.”

One of the Aces in Kakashi’s hand folded slightly under his grip, but he said nothing as Obito glanced his way.

“Sounds like a freak to me,” someone mumbled.

With Anzu collecting all the playing cards to reshuffle, everyone had time to listen in on the conversation now.

“Ah, yeah, your old man was one of the hotshots in the military, right?” Genki sneered at him. His face looked like a weasel’s what with his long, sharp nose, narrow jaw, and beady eyes that twinkled as if he was constantly thinking of an insulting joke for anyone who caught his attention. But he was also the kind of weasel that shrunk back when a predator stared him down, and he did just that when Kakashi calmly turned his sights onto him. “B-Bet he has plenty of medals to show for it.”

Kakashi quickly looked away in disinterest. Fuck if he cared about his father’s medals. They were probably collecting dust and cobwebs somewhere in the back of a closet.

“Heard his Pops always carried a lil’ sword around in battle,” Tsutomu nodded to the hilt jutting out from behind Kakashi’s lower back. “Just like that one.”

“Who the fuck brings a sword to a gunfight?” Genki sniggered but just as soon stopped when he saw nobody else was laughing.

“It’s a tantō, you nitwit,” Obito said, slamming down the empty jar of jam with more force than necessary. Genki jolted in his seat from the harsh sound. “And it’s really no different from the standard-issued kukris we all carry.”

Tsutomu frowned at the knife in his hand that was almost double the length of Kakashi’s shortsword. He met Kakashi’s gaze over the curved blade, tawny eyes squinting at him for a second as if they were having a dick-measuring contest. Pleased with the extra inches he had over the younger man, Tsutomu lowered the knife to give Kakashi a smug grin. His shit-eating grin instantly flipped into a scowl, however, when the two flies from earlier suddenly appeared to attack his lips.

His breath must be that rancid, Kakashi thought with faint bemusement. While he could stand the pompous ass and his snide remarks, he couldn’t stand to watch Yori have to consistently dodge Tsutomu’s knife as he returned to stabbing at the flies with a vengeance.

Kakashi nodded towards the staircase that led to the bedrooms upstairs. “Tsutomu, Genki, switch off with Haya and Jun. It’s your turn to be on lookout.”

They clicked their tongues in unison but obeyed without question, grabbing their flashlights to head upstairs and keep watch for the next hour. As soon as they left the cramped room, the stink seemed to follow after them (although that wasn’t much of a surprise). Haya and Jun came in, propping their sniper rifles against a cabinet that held nothing but smashed plates within. As they searched for a decent seat where they could put their feet up and relax as well as they could in a warzone, Kakashi pulled out a map from his pack and spread it out on the floor. With the beckon of his hand, he urged everyone to pay attention.

“Amegakure is fifty miles from here,” he explained, tapping a finger on the northeast quadrant of the map. “The package is reported to be held within an underground bunker disguised on the topside as a water tower. At 0600, we’ll be leaving to cut through the Dead Marshes to reach Ame by 1800.”

“Why is it called the Dead Marshes again?” Anzu asked before slapping a fly off his sweaty face.

“Because a hundred of our men died there just last month. Cut down in an ambush after the enemy got ahold of our intel. Everyone’s been calling it the Dead Marshes since then.”

“So why the fuck are we going there?” Yori demanded. “I'm betting those corpses are still floating around for all the fishies to nibble on.”

“Then that just means we have even more cover,” Kakashi said.

Jun snorted and leaned over to snatch the map off the ground. Like most of the other survivors here, Jun liked to question Kakashi’s leadership at every chance. In fact, he was the kind of guy whom teachers would rip their hair out over had he chosen to stay in high school rather than head straight into the military academy. Running a hand through his greasy blonde hair, he snorted at the map before tossing it back to Kakashi. “There’s a river that we can follow for a few miles. It’ll lead us straight to Amegakure much faster than the marshes.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Because it's too tiresome to explain to a numbskull like you. “Because I said so.”

“A fucking kid said so.”

“At least I have a high school diploma.”

“And a Bachelor's and a Master’s,” Midori coughed out. When Jun glared at him, he took off his glasses and pretended to get busy cleaning them.

With a sneer, Jun pointed his flashlight directly into Kakashi's face. “I don’t care if you're a Hatake. I don't care if you're some genius with a dozen degrees. And I definitely don’t give a flying fuck if our superiors kiss your ass and call you the White Flash—”

‘Fang’, Kakashi almost corrected him, but even he found the nickname distasteful.

“—I'm not going to put my life in the hands of some kid who cares more about the mission than his own comrades,” Jun spat out.

“Look,” Obito sat forward, prying the map from Kakashi’s grip and smoothing it back down on the floor. “The obvious choice is the river, right?”

Jun nodded and then stepped on the foot of Haya who’d been too busy staring at Yori’s cleavage. “Y-Yeah, duh!” Haya nodded vigorously until the heel digging onto his toes relented.

Obito spread open his palms in gesture. “Then you would think they’d have an ambush set up for us there too since it’s the ‘obvious choice’. The river will be guarded, but Sound won’t expect more Fire soldiers to try the marshes after the first group failed.”

“Ah, so reverse psychology?” Yori still didn’t look so convinced, but she was already eyeing the marshes on the map again with renewed interest. She frowned and then looked to Kakashi. “You said you want to use the dead bodies for cover?”

“The marshes are our best bet if we want to get to the package on time. And without getting butchered,” Kakashi added firmly. “We’re the only ones left of our unit, so we need to play it safe but right. But I also wouldn’t expect Sound to turn a blind eye, so we need to move with stealth.”

Yori rolled her eyes. “Tsutomu is the opposite of stealth, but I guess we could always use his bitch ass for cover if needed. I just fucking hate the marshes,” she said with a sigh, sagging in her rickety chair, still exhausted from slugging through the marshes all day. “But Hatake’s idea makes more sense.”

“The fuck it does not!” Jun snapped at her. “I say we take the river—”

“And I say we’re taking the marshes,” Kakashi said, his voice low but harsh enough to make the fresh graduate stiffen. When Jun fell silent, Kakashi swept his gaze around all the others sitting and staring at him. He took turns challenging each and every one of them silently for a moment, daring them to question his orders anymore. “I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t care if you don’t like swimming with the fishes and corpses. I don’t care if any of you live or die. I care about completing the mission—and that is securing the package. That is our duty as a soldier and if you disagree then you are free to take off your vests and dog tags, put down your guns, and walk out that door and all the way back home.”

Everyone shut up at that, and for the first time in six months, Kakashi was finally afforded the peace of silence without someone bitching about the insects, the commercial taste of their rations, or a stone that had found its way inside their boot. Satisfied with the room’s consensus, Kakashi leaned back in his chair, unsheathing his tantō to wipe off today’s coat of blood and mud that stained the edges.

It was Yori who broke the begrudging silence first when she suddenly withdrew her pistol from its holster. “You keep staring at my tits, Haya, and I'll blow you a new eye. Right in the center of your fucking forehead.”

“Chill, darlin'!” Haya raised his hands placatingly. “I was just checking out your tags.” As if to prove his point, he leaned closer to her, training his eyes on the cleavage that could be seen just above the collar of her vest. Still under the pretense of reading her tags, he hummed and stroked his chin. “Impressive.”

Yori cocked her gun in warning.

“Hey, I got a place where you can blow me,” Jun snickered at her, prompting Haya to do the same.

“That’s it—”

“Enough,” Kakashi leaned across to grab Yori’s hand that was reaching for the kukri at her hip. Something then slipped out of his front pocket, fluttering down until it landed atop of the map to reveal little Rin shyly hugging onto a scrawny boy with silver hair and a dead gaze.

Jun swooped down in the blink of an eye, snatching up the photo with his blood-stained fingers. He whistled low, angling the photo for Haya to see. “Damn, Hatake! You like your girls really young, huh? But I didn't take you as a guy who likes four-year-old pussy! Or is she three?”

Over the men’s cackles, Kakashi resisted the urge to skewer the Private 1st Class with the tip of his tantō. Especially not when he had just finished wiping the blade clean of today’s muck. “The only pussy here is the one in front of me,” he replied coolly.

Midori choked on the water he’d been sipping from his canteen, letting it splash all over the glasses he’d just finished cleaning.

While Jun was still sputtering from the retort, Obito stole the photo away from him. He peeked at it for just a split second before handing the picture back to Kakashi who immediately tucked it back into the safety of his pocket. He wiped his sword down one last time and then sheathed it loudly enough for both Jun and Haya to flinch.

A grim silence fell over the group as everyone else seemed to recall all the beloved people they themselves carried in their pockets. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, and lovers. They were all waiting for their soldiers to return home—even if it meant in body bags or as dog tags.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Obito quietly asked as Anzu started to deal cards for the others to play a round of Thirteen with.

It was a sincere question, but it was still a personal one that had Kakashi scrubbing a hand over his jaw. His hand came away tinged with the thin film of blood that had yet to finish congealing on his mask. He could smell the sharp notes of copper with every intake of breath, so he made a mental note to retreat to the bathroom later and wash off the grime. It was pointless, he knew that. By tomorrow noon, his mask would be dyed in splotches of red again, but tonight he wanted to sleep without inhaling the stench of a dead man.

Sensing Obito still waiting for an answer, Kakashi wiped his hand on his trousers and then sighed.

“She's a girl. And she's my friend….” And he had kissed Rin before, but that was more out of curiosity than desire. Besides, he didn't count it as an actual kiss since he'd just been seven years old at the time. “She's… special to me,” was all Kakashi gave in answer. “What about you? You got anyone back home?”

This time, it was Obito’s turn to shift in discomfort. He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “Nah, I was... disowned by my family. I was always the black sheep, but one day, I fucked up and...” He paused to scratch his cheek for a moment. “And it cost my twin brother’s life. I mean, he’s not dead,” he added quickly. “But he got fucked up pretty badly from the accident to the point that... he’s like a shadow of himself. So I got kicked out of the family after that, got put in a group home, then joined the academy as soon as I could. I haven’t talked to my family or my twin brother ever since, so if I die... guess that’s it for me.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s the end for you. I mean, you’re free to haunt me if you’d like.”

Obito's mouth quirked into a grin. “You don’t mind me pulling all that poltergeist shit on you?”

Kakashi snorted. “With your butterfingers, you’d be dropping shit rather than throwing it.”

“Oh, fuck you!” Obito shoved at his shoulder with a laugh.

His laughter was cut short, however, when the heavy tread of boots stampeding down the staircase followed by the most unholy screeching interrupted everyone. Genki and Tsutomu appeared at the threshold, faces flushed with angry scratched lines marking their cheeks as if a cat had gotten the jump on them. But it wasn’t a cat that was making that screeching noise; it was a girl. Slung between them with her wrists bound in ripped sheets, she thrashed around wildly in search of an opportunity to—not escape but to bite at the men holding her captive.

White teeth flashed between long tresses of ebony hair as she tried to snap her jaws at Tsutomu’s thick neck. The man responded with a harsh slap that sent her face whipping towards Genki who was forced to reel back to avoid her bites.

“Lookie what I caught!” Tsutomu announced, grinning proudly as he grabbed the girl by the base of her head and yanked it back. She winced but made no sound that she was in pain. Even though her whole face was streaked with filth, it was obvious that she couldn’t be any older than fifteen years old. Only two years younger than Kakashi himself, but already looking as if she’d lived through an entire war. “Caught this lil’ bitch skulking around in one of the bedrooms. Probably was finding a spot to hide in so that she could slit our throats while we slept.”

There was no way she could’ve taken on twelve armed soldiers even with the element of surprise, but Kakashi didn’t doubt that she would’ve tried it anyway.

“I would’ve shat on your corpses too afterward!” she sneered at Tsutomu, earning a second slap to the cheek and making Genki flinch when specks of blood from her mouth landed all over his face.

“How the hell did we miss her?” Jun asked, stopping Tsutomu from slapping the girl again. “I thought we cleared this house from top to bottom.”

Apparently, you guys were sloppy about it, Kakashi was half-tempted to say. Instead, he stood up and yanked the girl out of Genki and Tsutomu's clutches by her bound hands. She struggled against him but just as soon froze when she felt the sharp tip of his tantō dig into the small of her back. Don’t move, Kakashi told her with a mere prod of his sword.

“Hey! Finders keepers,” Tsutomu growled, displeased that his catch was being taken away from him. His grubby hands reached for the girl, but Kakashi pulled her away from him and towards the staircase.

“We’re guests of this house,” Kakashi said aloud despite knowing that there wasn’t much of this house or its occupants left anymore. “This girl will be locked up in the master bedroom where no one is to touch her. Is that understood?”

Tsutomu took a heavy step forward to protest but stopped when the young Hatake turned his steely gaze onto him.

“Is that understood?” Kakashi spoke low, the lethal edge in his voice cutting through the tension like the blade in his hand. When Tsutomu bowed his head in answer, Kakashi glanced over at Obito who was looking at him strangely. “Relay to Tsutomu and Genki the plan for tomorrow.”

With a sharp nudge of the sword against the girl’s back, Kakashi prompted her to continue up the stairs. She remained silent on the way to the bedroom, but she didn’t stop trying to squirm out of the sheets roped tightly around her wrists. Kakashi took the moment to observe her calloused hands, deducing that she was a surviving member of this household. Probably the daughter of the farmer who’d lived here.

He didn’t ask where her parents were or why she was still here. Even though there hadn’t been any bloodstains found while clearing the house, he guessed that the rest of the girl’s family was already dead in a ditch somewhere.

“If you’re going to kill me then just do it already,” she finally said the moment she stumbled into the bedroom.

Kakashi closed the door first, watching her flinch at the sound of the latch clicking in place. “Turn around.”

She hesitated for a moment before obeying with a slow, reluctant pivot. Under the sharp beam of his flashlight, Kakashi could see the tear tracks that left a clean streak through the cake of dirt and dried blood on her cheeks. He raised his sword and she bunched her shoulders up despite the defiant tilt of her chin. The tantō flashed under the moonlight for a split second as he swung it down upon the girl.

She squeezed her eyes shut but then opened them when she found herself still alive... and with her hands free now.

Kakashi jut his chin towards the bed. Its sheets were still made as if nobody had ever slept in them at all. “Lay down there.”

She stiffened at this order, her body locking up more notably than the last time she’d hesitated. She took one step forward, and Kakashi caught the way her whole frame seemed to tremble before she hurriedly crossed the room and laid down on the bed, stiff as a board. The springs of the mattress creaked harshly, and her eyes widened as if the sound was a threat itself.

Grabbing a chair by the vanity mirror, Kakashi dragged it to the side of the bed before plopping down. His sudden close proximity to her had her sitting up rigidly, slim hands squeezing into fists on her lap. He would've preferred for her to remain lying down, but it seemed she was more comfortable sitting up, so he let her.

Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he took the moment to study the girl. She had a split lip, a small cut above her brow, the red mark of a building bruise on her cheek (no doubt courtesy of Tsutomu and Genki), and dark bags of exhaustion weighed heavy beneath her eyes—eyes so black that they seemed to pierce right into Kakashi’s soul the longer he held her sharp gaze.

He looked away to reach for something in his pocket, pausing only when he sensed the girl stiffen again. Slowly, he withdrew the white handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to the girl. “Wipe your face.”

She scowled at the implication but snatched the cloth from him. Glimpsing the little sunflower design Rin had sewn into the corner of the cloth, the girl stared at it first before remembering to wipe the dirt off her face.

“My name is Hatake Kakashi,” he said as she cleaned herself. “What’s yours?”

When she refused to answer, he reached into another pocket, slowly again like last time. He watched as her wary eyes flicked down from his to the orange thing in his hand.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, peeling the fruit for her. “It’s a mandarin orange.”

A rare delicacy among their rations, but he was never one for sweets anyway.

The girl watched him peel the skin of the orange off like a hawk would with its prey. As soon as he offered her a slice, she seized the small piece from his fingers and stuffed it into her mouth. Her lashes fluttered slightly as she took that first bite of tangy sweetness.

“Good?”

She froze at the question as if she was a thief who’d been caught stealing the mandarin he’d offered her. Without warning, she spat the mashed bits of orange to his face, her frown deepening when she saw Kakashi didn’t even flinch from the attack.

“You’re a bastard!” she said as he casually brushed off the pieces of orange clinging to his mask. In an effort to add insult to the non-existent injury, she flung the now dirty handkerchief back at him. Kakashi merely plucked it off his chest, folded it two times into a small square, and then tucked it into one of his pockets before placing the rest of the orange in front of her.

He stood up and she shrunk back from him after clutching the orange to her chest.

“We’ll be gone in the morning,” Kakashi said as he scanned the room for any dangerous objects she might try to use in retaliation. “You can rest easy tonight. I’ll make sure no one touches you.”

Although he was kind of late for that.

“But if you try anything, we will have to use force.”

The warning was vague, but it left her shivering and glaring at him with enough spite to make any man give pause. He gave her one final look of caution before leaving the room to make his way to the bathroom. The farmhouse was old, and every floorboard creaked under his boots, but he preferred it that way. It kept him on edge—kept him alert for any signs of danger that may be lurking around the corner.

Even upon entering the bathroom, he swept aside the shower curtain just to make sure no other stray kid was waiting in the tub to ambush him with a butterknife or whatever these civilians resorted to.

Seeing the coast was clear, he stripped off his tactical vest and then the black sleeveless shirt underneath. The water ran lukewarm as he turned the knob of the faucet, and he splashed a handful down his chest for a brief respite from the blistering heat. Taking his shirt, he detached his mask and held it beneath the stream. Black, brown, and red tainted the pool of water along with loose sediment of dried mud. He grabbed the soap bar from the corner and scrubbed his mask inside and out, letting the bubbles froth.

After rinsing his mask, he wrung out the excess water before hanging the cloth on the edge of the sink to let it finish dripping.

A shout could be heard from downstairs—either Tsutomu or Jun since those two loved to butt heads with everyone—but Kakashi didn’t care so long as heads weren’t rolling. Scrubbing a hand down his face, he shrugged on his shirt and vest but paused upon hearing a sharp creak just outside his door.

Creak...

There it was again, but further this time.

Kakashi heaved a sigh and then yanked his mask back on, unsurprised to find it already dry. Tugging the door open, he stepped out of the hallway and was met with the hulking figure of Tsutomu. His burly back was hunched over as if the guy was in the middle of sneaking... towards the girl’s room.

The rest of this side story chapter will be published soon on AO3 and Fanfiction.Net! Thank you for reading!

[camellia-ep]

Shot-in-the-Dark Slowpoke Theory

So they finally added my boi to Sword & Shield, & he looks...

Well, he looks like he’s about to vom.

No more Water-type or tail fishing for Galarian Slowpoke, just Psychic & a diet of Galarica seeds: “an essential spice for cooking”. I was trying to guess his evolutions/typing & how that might tie in, especially since Shellder seems to be a no-show in the Slowbro photo.

I was thinking Psychic/Fire at first, because “spice” (hey man I’m trying). Then I thought... look at the new Gym leaders & their typings. Avery is Psychic-type like our lil’ Slowpoke already is, & Klara is Poison.

I’ve already seen the theory that Slowking’s Psychic/Poison because the Shellder has been replaced with a Mareanie, which makes sense: it is a CROWN-of-Thorns Starfish after all. But Slowbro doesn’t have a Water-type biting him, so why should Slowking?

Which brings me back to the Galarica. What “essential” spice does that sound like? GARLIC. Honestly, I’m kinda shocked we haven’t had a nasty Poison garlic mon yet. And since all we know about Galarian Slowking is that he has a long dark cape...

My crazy theory is that we’ll get either:

A) A vampire Slowking with a big ol’ garlic bulb crown growing out of his head

B) A vampire Slowking & his arch-enemy: a Slowbro with garlic breath

It doesn’t make much sense with the Slowpoke theme, but fuck it: the gorilla from Black & White is now a fire-breathing snowman. Let the regional variants go hog wild. Give me my stinky garlic boy!

P.S. Yeah bro I’d also be zonked out & nauseous if all I ate was GARLIC BULBS

[bluefairykino]

so to go with both the fic i wrote earlier (and my idea for a dq9 novelization), here’s the main squad of the party! made with this

do take note that these are not their appearances clothing-wise! those are based on actual clothing items from the game (these i suppose could be casual clothes??? pjs??? idk) with, like, a few adjustments. these were mostly made to get physical appearances figured out.

and of course phoenix’s wings and halo aren’t there most of the time bUT YKNO AHAHAH

i do have ideas for characters surrounding the unlockable classes! but those guys haven’t been designed yet so i’ll post em later

further details of characters below the cut! includes basic design ideas, too.

Phoenix

Character Notes -baby girl who can and will kick ur ass -actual age is unknown but she physically looks around 18 or so. maybe slightly older than that. -physically mute. aquila gave her a magical pad of paper (never runs out) and a pen with everlasting ink (they’d have stuff like that up in the observatory im sure) and she mostly uses that to communicate. she does know sign language but can never be certain if someone else will so she doesn’t use it often. -always been super curious about the protectorate! but has rly only been limited to angel falls before falling so doesn’t know much about anywhere beyond that. -sees aquila as a fatherly figure, but doesn’t quite know how to admit it to him.

Design Notes -somewhere between 5′3′’ and 5′4′’ -thats four braids there not two (two in front two in back) -wears the full celestial clothing set. all the time. don’t take this away from her ITS HER LAST CONNECTION TO HOME -uses swords and shields only

Lepus

Character Notes -stinky bastard man (ok not rly) -BORN TO DIE ORIENTATION IS A FUCK -if he’s attracted to them he’ll flirt with them -tried his advances on phoenix once. it kinda worked but then she saved him during battle and he’s been head-over-heels for the woman since then. -doesn’t actually join the party at first, just kinda shows up a bunch for a while. actually joins during the gleeba saga. he and phoenix have a couple heart-to-hearts before that, tho. -bottom -lost his leg in an incident he doesn’t like to talk about. he’s fine now with the prosthetic and all but phantom pains and chafing and the stupid thing coming loose are all things so that sucks

Design Notes -5′5′’, almost 5′6′’. so close, yet so far. -wears dark robe/macabre mantle variant. purple bit is a light blue and main robe is dark beige-ish color -white tights. pant leg that’d cover prosthetic is cut short, tho -has gloomy gloves/murky mittens, but reddish part is dark blue -the sandals shown in the pic are right. yes he only wears it on the one foot. -uses solely knives. no shield. only stab.

Volans

Character Notes -baby boy. baby -srsly he’s like 16 who let this child hold a polearm -v bottom of the hierarchy in stornway’s guard. actually p tough but has serious anxiety and is super afraid of letting everyone down. -admires princess simona’s unending determination!! he wants to be like her. -joins phoenix to go fight the wight knight. ends up going with her on her journey as a whole in order to train and improve. -make him cry and phoenix will actually stab you. she won’t hesitate bitch

Design Notes -5′4′’ -black variant of the ‘mail’ armor set (with accents in various shades of purple) -similarly colored variants of the kneecaps, sabatons, and gauntlets. -no headgear! he prefers having his head exposed for some personal reasons -spears and shields over here

Crux

Character Notes -nonbinary -crux says fuck gender -yes they chose their name and yes it is meant to be similar to what u might be thinking rn -joins when phoenix and vorans go to zere. why? who tf knows -kinda creepy sometimes???? but nice nonetheless. -talks to themselves a lot for some reason. tends to deny it when confronted bout the whole thing, tho.

Design Notes -6 feet tall on the dot -variant of the angel’s robe w/ red replaced with a v pale blue -are blue tights a thing???? well they are now -the gloves in the pic are accurate -grey boots -basically a silver variant of the circlets with a blue gem instead of a pink one -staves!

Carina

Character Notes -mischievous lil lady -how old is she??? we just don’t know -teases LITERALLY EVERYONE in the party. nobody is safe. -might know that phoenix is a celestrian??? might know a few certain other things she probably shouldn’t??? oh dear -joins in coffinwell to help the town after doing all she could on her own. -might actually be some sort of magical spirit thing tbh who knows

Design Notes -5′7′’ -princess’ robe! but with shades of white/grey and pink in place of the yellow/gold and red bits respectively -marquess’ mittens -dark pink heels -pink and white variant of the magical hat -wands!

Mensa

Character Notes -5′3′’ -rambunctious lil girl -aaalways trying to one-up everyone and also herself. -a student of that grandmaster guy from the martial artist quests, but he focuses more on his other students than her and she ain’t happy -joins when the squad goes to find abbot jack. ends up staying in order to become strong enough to please her master -REALLY does not like lepus for some reason -might have a crush on phoenix. just a lil one. or maybe a huge one.

Design Notes -dragon dress w/ pale green sash and sleeves cut off -training trousers underneath the dress -she also has these things -same boots as the pic -not in pic but she has a long dark green ribbon holding her lil ponytail thing up!

[postmastered]

Sanders Shovels - Shovel Knight AU

i havent worked on this in months hA but i finally jotted down some things and bada bing bada boom were done babeyyy lets get into it

Logan Wenn - Plague Knight

very very book smart, but like, what's social interaction again????

likes blowing stuff up

disaster shorty

spooky raven aesthetic

can only tolerate virgil

Safety? Who's she? Never heard of her.

small gay

color codes potions, alphabetized his supply stock

really good at bartending as a result (not something he does often, mind you)

wears a plague doctor mask and a hood to hide his identity

has a prosthetic arm

Virgil Ware - Mona

will never EVER let go of his cloak

logan tried helping him sew patches on it, but he sucks at sewing, so virgil took care of it himself, appreciating the sentiment

gothic castle-y aesthetic

helps logan make potions and organizes beakers by size

takes care of the "little guys" (minions)

average height

still a lot taller than logan tho

lives in town, her room underground leads to an even deeper level, the Explodatorium, where he works with Lo to make potions

provides adult supervision

"logan, you need adult supervision"

"Virgil, i am an adult."

"mm yeah sure now eat your apple slices"

logan hurled a potion at him because of this incident and stormed off

eventually came back and apologized, pretending like he didnt cry

logan dont like bein treated like a child

virgil can bake, he makes a bunch of the recipes he uses himself

average gay

Patton Wye - Polar Knight

6'10-ish idk

has a snow shovel he loves dearly

"her name is shelly!!!!!!"

likes snowball fights

And also snow

and ice

makes popsicles and ice cream

has a cow named terracotta

big boy. wide. good for hugs. bear man.

almost every aspect of him makes roman want to cry

"roman!!!!!!! hi!!!!!!!!! its me!!!!!!! patton!!!!!!!!"

"*sobbing uncontrollably* h-hi pat...."

"roman???!?!?!? r u ok??!?!?!?!? what happen??!?!?!?!!?!?"

massive bean

can and will pick up all his friends

hagrid but colder

VERY BIG GAY

Roman Howe - King Knight

Roman, but more extra

his castle is made of solid gold

has a sparkly scepter

wears a crown for every occaision

if patton sits on the couch by himself he will crawl over and cling to patton and then Patton is just there like "huh. guess i cant move sorry virgil go stop logan from blowing up the fridge yourself pal"

very clingy

pat pat is very warm despite being in the cold constantly and roman is a cold boy despite being in the heat all the time

saunters and/or sashays

We dont walk in this household

wears heels

slightly below average height

VERY GAY

Declan Watt - Tinker Knight

shortiest shorty to ever shorty

made a giant robot to make him taller

stays up way too late

fixes Remy's propellers and Emile's submarine constantly because they kEEP BREAKING

tired

his boyfs are there to help tho dw

stress city usa

handyman

smells like oil. stinky boy.

demi child

Remy Hew - Propeller Knight

Flappy boy

fucking adores swords

"Oh, gurl, the hilt, goddamn that's gorgeous wait lemme see the blade- BABE IS THIS FUCKING CLAY-TEMPERED?????"

if an enemy has a sword he will geek about it for hours dont test him

he'll still fight them, but compliment it while fighting

if the sword they have is sub par he will get them a new one

his boyfs think its cute

his propellers break too often for it to not seem suspicious

"dee? babe? one of my propellers broke again..."

he does not break them to get declan to pay attention to him i promise

emile is happy to give him as much attention as he so desires if declan is busy

turns into a pile of flying mush when emile gushes about him

disaster bi

Emile Picani - Treasure Knight

"Ooh! Shinyyyy...."

almost cried when he saw roman's castle for the first time

knows too much about gems for it to be normal

does his best to protect his boyfs and stop his submarine from breaking down too much cause fixing it puts dee out of commission for a year or two

Keeps the Iron Whale in tip top shape

ocean boy. splish splash.

very good swimmer

loves seafood

remy can cook fish and nothing else

good for emile, but sucks for dee, the boye lives off vegetables and nothing else

pan

Nathan Lukas - Mole Knight

Lil gossip goblin

lonely :(

goofs about rocks with emile tho

sometimes they hang out together

ace/aro bean

values his platonic relationships like he values his life

Toby Ross- Specter Knight

Ghosts!!!!!!

Zombies!!!!!!!

CONSPIRACIES!!!!!!!!

legitimately raises the dead

Nate is his best chum

Grows roses

and other plants

made his clothes himself

dont trust that many peeps tbh

himself and virgil both have a Gothic Aesthetic they bond over

Lone wolf

Virgil held his scythe once and told toby he felt like his soul almost got stolen

toby laughed and said "good thing i dont have one!"

lives for spookin people

plays the organ

K thats all hmu if ur interested in any way lol

also i have to credit @spectralheartt for the name and also for humoring me like four months ago about this idea :)