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vanderlindemorgans · 4 years ago

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dark blue tennessee

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x Reader

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 4.8k

Summary: It was one thing being without him while he was alive. It was another to lose him all together

Warnings: Major character death, grief-induced alcoholism, descriptions of blood and injuries, vague allusions to suicide. None of this is beta read so please don’t shoot me for any grammatical errors!

None of this seemed real to you. None of it felt real. It would have brought you some comfort if it wasn’t - that way you could reason with yourself that this was all the result of some horrific nightmare, that’d you’d wake up with a small gasp in his arms, safe and away from whatever dark terror had enveloped your mind. You weren’t one to usually have nightmares but when you did he would always be there, his embrace warm and tight, a single hand running through your hair in a soft pattern, and his unmistakable southern drawl whispering into your ear.

This wasn’t a dream however. No matter how wrong it felt, how surreal and horrific the whole situation was, it was all real. Perched on the edge of a barstool, you glanced over at the almost empty bottle of whiskey beside you. You thought it would take the pain away, dull your senses and let you pretend for two seconds that he wasn’t really gone, but if anything, the whiskey made it worse. Everything reminded you of him, day in and day out, every morning you woke up and all you could notice was that he wasn’t there. His clothes were, his Stetson perched on a hook on the back of your bedroom door, his stupid belt buckle that you’d always mocked him for...but not him. You couldn’t bear to box away any of it. It may bring you pain to see all these items laid out, as if they were expecting their owner to return someday, but shoving it all in the back of a closet seemed so...disrespectful to you. It would be almost the same as forgetting him in your mind, and you refused to.

It had been only two weeks since you first received that fateful call, the one that you prayed to high heavens you would never hear. Thank god you were home when you got the call - if you’d been out with your friends, or heaven forbid at work you don’t know what you would have done. It was a moment that you often replayed over in your mind, if for nothing more than the torture of reminding yourself of the day you had broke like glass shattered on a white cloth.

Trailing the pad of your finger over the edge of your glass, you tossed your head back as you downed yet another glass of liquor. Every detail of that memory stuck out to you, even the most insignificant things that no one else would ever mention. You’d taken the day off work, already feeling shitty straight up from the moment the day had begun. You’d been making something to eat, just some toast because you couldn’t be bothered with anything else, and right when you were searching the fridge for a jar of jam you had heard the phone ring.

Without a second thought you’d scooped it up in your hands and answered it, thinking it would be one of your friends calling to try to get you to come out with them to some bar or something that night. You hadn’t guessed it would be anything important. “Hello?”.

“Hi, am I speaking to Y/N?”. You furrowed your brow at the response, not immediately recognising the voice. You considered hanging up for a brief moment but something in you told you to stay on the line.

“You are. I’m sorry, who is this?”.

“My name is Ginger Ale. I’m a colleague of your partner, Jack Daniels. I’m very sorry to have to inform you this way, but he’s perished in a horrible incident”.

Everything around you seemed to collapse in that moment. The whole world might as well have fallen away around you the minute you heard those words. It was a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It often comes so suddenly, and so unexpected that you feel like you’re climbing the stairs to your room in the dark, thinking there’s just one more step than there actually is, and feeling yourself plummet down into the abyss below. It was nothing like you’d ever experienced before - you might as well have been falling deep into the shadowy chasm right at the moment. Your grip on the phone tightened as you struggled to find the words, or any words really, to say in response as tears started to gather around the corners of your eyes. “W-what? What do you mean...he’s…” you trembled, stumbling on your feet as you fell against the wall in a daze, the world somehow seeming both screaming loud and quiet all at once.

“He was injured badly during his last mission - multiple gunshot wounds from a certain run in with a couple of gangsters. He was...he was barely alive when we brought him in” Ginger explained, trying her best to comfort you but you barely took any notice of her words as the same thought played over in your head. He’s gone. He’s dead. He’s fucking dead, and you could have stopped it. It’s all your fault.

“Aren’t you guys supposed to have that weird gel stuff that heals gunshot wounds? Surely...surely he could have been saved, right?” you asked frantically, your cheeks streaked with tears and flushed with grief. It took everything in you not to fall apart right then and there, dropping the phone to the floor and screaming out in sheer agony of the pain that was ripping through you.

“Not this time, sadly. I’m really sorry, Y/N”. There was a small pause on the other end of the line before Ginger spoke again, her tone indicating her hesitance at divulging such information to you. “He also insisted that we don’t bother, that he knew his time was up with this one. I was watching him on this mission - he went into it all quite recklessly, which isn’t completely new for him but…”.

“But?” you asked, prompting her to finish her sentence but she never did. A heavy silence hung between the both of you, punctured lightly by the sound of your heavy breath which you tried desperately to keep in check. Some small part of you was still in some sort of disbelief, wanting to fervently deny that any of this was happening. This is just a dream right? I’ll wake up back in bed, I’ll get up and call Jack, and he’ll be alive and well. None of this is real. It can’t be real...

“I want to see him. Please, just let me see him. Let me at least say goodbye”.

You hadn’t taken much notice of your surroundings on your way to Statesman Headquarters - everything might as well have been a blur to you from the moment you stepped through the doors to the second you walked off the platform of the elevator towards the medical wing. As soon as you spotted him all sense of decorum and logic was thrown out the window, any sense of composure melting away to nothing the very second his body came into view. Ginger had been beside you, probably as a general gesture to ensure you wouldn’t entirely lose it once you gained a single glimpse of him but alas, as soon as the elevator pulled to a stop and the doors pulled open to reveal a lifeless Agent Whiskey lain across the stretcher, everything you had ever known seemed to fall to pieces from under you. It was as if your entire world had collapsed, had stopped revolving the minute you laid eyes on his lifeless form. Without another seconds hesitation you rushed towards him, tears beginning to cascade down your cheeks as you bore witness to the unfortunate result of the tragedy that had struck.

It was as if the floodgates had opened right then and there - once you started crying, the tears just wouldn’t stop. With every ounce of your being you wished that somehow, by some godforsaken miracle, your touch would bring him back, that his eyes would magically flutter open and would greet you with those enchanting brown eyes that you had come to know every day of your life since the moment you had first met. That he would maybe, if only by the simple wish of your heart, say the one thing you were always angling to hear truthfully, in a way that you could put more than a simple faith in. As if you were a broken record, you couldn’t stop repeating his name over and over, like if by some divine intervention that alone would turn the clock back and have him lying next to you, his hand caressing your cheek and firing one of his signature flirty quips at you as you woke up in bed, catching a whiff of that ever-present scent of whiskey that mixed beautifully with his cologne. If only it were that simple. If only that were possible.

Instead you laid a hand against his cold forehead, now devoid of any warmth of life it once felt. Some would say that the dead looked almost peaceful in a way but you saw none of that: even in death Jack somehow looked anguished, like there was something left behind that he wanted to say but simply couldn’t go back to.

“I can’t feel you anymore…” you murmured, your voice wobbling violently. Leaning down towards him, you cradled his head between your palms, whispering his name softly and feeling your own tears decorate his cheeks. Ginger, or maybe somebody else, said something in the background that you couldn’t take any notice of, your mind fixated only on the man you loved and the unfortunate reality that presented itself to you now.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

The funeral had only been held a week afterwards. From a planning perspective, it was easy to organise his final affairs - for whatever reason you’d been named as the executor of his will, a fact that came as a shock to you once you had been served the information by the attorney. The two of you weren’t ever married, although you had attempted to float the idea once or twice, and his mother was still alive so it seemed odd to you that of all people to be left in charge of his estate Jack chose you. Emotionally, it had been a taxing revelation for you: on top of having to carry the stinging pain of finding out the man you loved had died, you had to be the one organising his affairs. You knew after leaving the medical wing of Statesmans Headquarters that day that you wanted nothing more than to let your own sorrow overcome you and let yourself fade out of existence, his voice haunting your every waking moment until you finally decided to let go entirely and throw yourself off the brink of insanity. That’s what you felt you deserved anyway.

His funeral had been the worst of it. You had silently prayed that maybe you would have numbed yourself out a bit. The most agonising part of it all were the hoards of people coming up to you asking how you were. It took everything in you to stop yourself from confessing everything. If they knew, they’d hate you. They’d blame you. The gossip would start, the theories and rumours flying high, the whispers you could hear in your head as if they were real. Somehow you’d pulled through, despite the inclination to break down at any given moment. But of course, that wasn’t the end. You’d buried him, now you had to face the mortifying reality of living without him.

With every passing day the memories became stronger. You never told any of them what had happened the last time you saw Jack - you couldn’t tell them. It had been eating at you from the inside ever since you picked up the phone that cursed day, tearing apart your mind and leaving nothing in its wake but heartbreaking grief and despair. It’s your fault. You’re the reason this happened. If you two hadn’t fought, if you hadn’t told him to fuck off on the phone that night, he wouldn’t have gone on that mission. You killed him. You’re a murderer.

All of these thoughts and more wormed their way between different glasses of whiskey, letting you lose track of both time and how many glasses you had. No matter how much you drank though it never dulled the grief nor the guilt that you’d been torturing yourself with from the moment you woke up every day to the moment you went to sleep. Actually, even in your sleep you couldn’t escape it, being plagued by nightmares and the like increasing in degrees of terror the longer they went on. It was why you now avoided any sort of conscious effort to sleep, only succumbing when you’d become so drunk that you had bent yourself over the back of the couch and cried as much as your body would let.

You swore to never let anyone know what had happened, that Jack and you had technically broken up a few days before his death. It already ate at you enough that you had to run over the memories in your mind, every last word you spat at him on repeat for your own infinite suffering. “It feels like wherever we go, she’s there. And she’s so beautiful, and perfect, and dead. I can’t compete with a ghost, Jack”. Scowling to yourself, you scooped up your glass and took yet another sip, feeling nothing but regret towards how everything played out. You didn’t regret what you said - on some level, you still felt it was true. You knew Jack would forever hold a candle for his ex-wife, but you’d grown tired of feeling like you were second place to a dead woman, as if the only reason he kept you around at all was to fill a void that could only truly be filled by the one person he could never have back. It had been selfish of you, in some way, but you’d deserved more. You loved Jack with everything you had, and you wanted him to feel the same way back, and although he swore he did you could plainly see that wasn’t the case.

“Darlin’, please, don’t be like this. You’re my only love and you know that. You’re being ridiculous about all this”

“Then why do you still wear your ring? Why do you get dismissive whenever I try to bring up moving in together, or marriage, or anything. It’s been two fucking years of this. You can do whatever you want, Jack but I’ll tell you one thing: you’ll be doing it alone. I’m out”.

“For fucks sake…” you cursed, slamming your glass back down on the table with a loud thud, your words slurred beyond all comprehension. A few drops of whiskey sloshed out of the glass onto the countertop, creating a small puddle on the marbled surface but you didn’t much care. What was the point in caring anyway?

You still had to pack up his home, a reminder that only contributed to your pain. You were supposed to have taken care of that before now, at least a week ago but you couldn’t bring yourself to enter his home. I’ll do it tomorrow...maybe. Yeah, tomorrow. Deciding firmly on that, you sipped the last of the liquor and stumbled off the seat of the barstool, the world spinning around you as you fumbled your way through the dim light of your apartment to where your bedroom was, throwing your intoxicated body amongst the heap of unmade bed sheets and burying yourself within them, crying until you passed out in a deep slumber.

Standing outside the door to Jack’s penthouse apartment, you stared forward with a muted expression upon your face, the key to his place gripped firmly between your fingers as if it would disappear from your hands at any moment. You’d been there for a good five minutes by then, meaning to break out of your state of catatonia to only be stopped again by yourself, kicking off a seemingly endless cycle in which you remained stuck in front of his door. You knew you had to go in there eventually: it wasn’t like everything of his would magically disappear if you just ignored it. It was still hard though, since you knew the moment you stepped through the door you’d be hit by the unmistakable scent of him. Almost like you were crossing a threshold of sorts, only with a feeling of emptiness on the other side instead of anything resembling happiness. Seeing his things would only remind you of how he wasn’t there among them, where he should be, which spiralled onto other thoughts, such as reminiscing on his gorgeous brown eyes and that honeyed southern accent you adored on him, and everything else that once made your heart spark with love. You felt your breath tremble as your knuckles turned white from holding the key with such might. This was a bad idea. You weren’t ready for this. Maybe you should just go home and call it a day.

No. You have to do this now. You might as well rip the bandaid off, lord knows you’ll have to do it eventually anyway.

Keeping your breath paced, you raised your shaking hand to the lock of the day, slowly inserting the key and twisting it until you heard the unmistakable click inside. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you pushed open the double doors and pulled yourself inside, your high heels clicking on the linoleum floors.

Everything was exactly how you’d last seen it, how Jack had last left it. Not that you expected any different of course. The only people who had probably been there in the past two weeks since his death were people from Statesman to collect various bits of the agency's technology and other gadgets Jack had left lying about. You never knew much about his life as part of the secret service: during your relationship Jack had preferred to stay off the subject of his job as much as possible. He even said himself that you shouldn’t have known about his double life in the first place but when it became too obvious that keeping it from you was going to hurt your relationship with him in the long term he’d sought permission from his boss to have you cleared on the most basic of intel. That never bothered you in the slightest - the least you knew about the agency, the better, a view Jack wholeheartedly agreed with you on. You didn’t know him as Agent Whiskey, top agent to Statesman Secret Service trained in espionage. You knew him as Jack Daniels, the cocky womanizer who chased anything in a skirt, the gentleman who had always managed to sweep you off your feet whenever he was around, and the man you had once dreamt of marrying before things went south.

All around you were familiar places and objects, things that brought back so many memories yet felt hollow and empty as you looked upon them now. If things were right, he’d be there too, perhaps in the kitchen preparing dinner for you, knowing that you couldn’t resist coming over again even if it was the third time that week. Or maybe he’d be on the couch, reclining back with a glass of whiskey and a book, turning his head back to take a gander at you, shooting one of his signature smirks and making a remark about how incredibly gorgeous you looked. Without him, the space felt sullen and void of life, the dust settling on every surface from remaining untouched for two whole weeks by then.

Taking a deep breath, you stepped forward and tried as best you could to sort out your thoughts, detaching it as much as you were able to from the memories being back in that apartment brought. His mother already came to you and asked to have a box of certain things belonging to Jack given to her. You knew she was already going through a hell of a rough time herself, her only son winding up dead. She never knew about his life as an agent, being fed a cover story by Statesmans team in order to maintain their secrecy. A bit of you felt jealous of her for that. She would never know the truth, whereas you had to live every day for the rest of your life knowing what happened, being made aware of your own part to play in his fate every hour, every minute, every second.

The rest of it, well, you had no idea what to do with it. You thought it would be best to box up as much of his personal items as you could, either to keep for yourself or to hand back to his family, and arrange to have the rest of the furniture sold or given away to a charity shop or something. Moving towards the living room, you began to scoop up the different framed photos you found around the apartment. Some were of him as a kid, either on a horse or in different shots with his family, already sporting that heart melting smile of his. A lot of them were of you and him on various dates - one you stopped to pour over was of the two of you at a diner in Brooklyn, you taking the photo and Jack taking a sneaky swipe of your sundae in the background while you were distracted. You remembered that day so well: he’d just come back from a particularly rough mission in Russia, one that he’d had to stake out for weeks, so it was the first time you’d seen each other in about a month. You looked at how happy you were in that picture, the sight of such joy bringing tears to the corners of your eyes. What you wouldn’t give to have those days back, the easier times, before the distance, the fights, the feelings of being second place to a ghost and of course, his own tragic death at the end of it all.

At last you made your way to his bedroom, clutching onto the stack of photo frames as if they were a lifeline. You fought with everything in you the urge to just drop everything and crash down onto his bed, cradling one of his shirts in your hands to try to get a whiff of him, pretending that he was still there for only a few seconds. Rather, you walked over towards his bedside table and set the stack of frames down, crouching to your knees and biting back the teardrops threatening to fall from your eyes. It’s ok. You don’t have to do it all in one go. Just gather together some of his personal stuff, and then you can leave.

Opening the drawer, your eyes flitted between the various trinkets and things he’d accumulated, searching to see if there were anything personal that his family might want back when your gaze was instantly drawn to a stark white letter shoved towards the back of the drawer. Scooping it up in your hands, you furrowed your brow as you inspected it further, only to have your breath catch in your throat once you saw your name written in his unmistakable cursive on the front.

Immediately you stood yourself up from the floor, your mind rushing into overdrive while you stared at the letter in your palms, hesitantly trailing your fingers up to the top of the envelope to tear it open. Out of all the things to find in Jack’s drawer, you definitely weren’t expecting this. You had no clue what it could be, when it was written or even if you should read it at all. Should you just put it back in the drawer and pretend you never found it? Though you supposed it was a bit too late for that, on account of you practically ripping the top of it open. With a hint of uncertainty, you reached into the envelope and lifted the letter out onto your lap, opening it to reveal its contents.

The first thing you noticed was the date in the top right corner - April 22, two weeks ago, a day before he went on that mission and met an unkind fate. That alone was enough to make your heart stop, so when your eyes travelled down the page to read the rest of the letter, you might as well have dropped dead right then and there from the sheer pain that was struck through your heart.

I was a damn fool for letting you get away. You and I both know that my dearly departed wife will always hold a special place in my heart, and I know you understand that. I didn’t want to admit it until now but I had been becoming distant - every time you brought up marriage, or anything more I’d get scared. Scared of...well, a lot of different things. Of repeating the same tragedy with you, in some way. Some part of me was worried marrying you would be dishonoring my late wife’s memory as well. It’s no wonder you walked out when you did. I don’t blame you for your choice, but please allow me to say my piece at least. You never were second to anyone, sweetheart. As much as I will always love Lily, my heart belongs to you here and now. Missing you like this is such sweet sorrow, won’t you come back to me? No matter whether or not you chose to forgive me, or even entertain the idea of givin’ me another chance, I just want you to know that I love you, honeybee. I’ll be waiting for you today, tomorrow, and forever, down in dark blue Tennessee.

- Jack

Every word you read was like another stab to the heart for you, the tears that you had fought so hard to keep in now pouring down your cheeks, small sobs escaping your throat as you collapsed back to the floor with a thud, your heart racing a million miles a minute. There it was, all written down in hasty cursive script - the apology that he never got to give, hidden away in the back of his bedside drawer like an afterthought. Knowing him he’d probably written it out and intended to give it to you before he left for his mission but decided against it for whatever reason. And that final sentence...Tennessee. He mentioned Tennessee. The place where you’d grown up, where you’d lived almost your entire life before moving to New York. The place where you’d met Jack all those years ago, down in a local bar. You’d been visiting your parents for the week, he’d been there meeting with an investor for Statesman. By some stroke of luck you two had crossed paths, hitting it off and becoming infatuated within mere moments, one thing leading to another until eventually you’d woken up in his bed the next morning. The way you’d initially thought it’d only wanted a one night stand but then became something more. It was all flooding back to you now, triggered by only a few sentences written down on a letter that was never sent. You didn’t know what to do, or what to think. The only thing you could do in that moment was lean your head back against the bed and choke on your own sobs, muttering his name over and over for what felt like forever, holding the now crumpled and tear stained letter in your hands.

The hours ticked by, though you took no notice, and when you do eventually move, it’s not to leave the apartment. Your eyes barely leave the ground when you walk, stumbling from room to room in search of a bottle of wine or something stronger to drown your own sorrows in, kicking off your shoes haphazardly and without much care. When you bump against the liquor cabinet, you can hear something fall and shatter off the top, and when you walk back through the shards of glass with the bottles in your hands, you don’t even wince when one pierces your foot. With thin streams of blood trickling from the cut on your sole, you’ll flick the top off the first bottle you reach for, letting the lukewarm liquid slip down your throat, spiralling you down deeper and deeper into a drunken stupor until finally, the moment comes where you can close your eyes and slip into that familiar void of darkness that you greeted with open arms, those last conscious thoughts being an apology of your own that no one ever got to hear. I’m sorry, Jack...

#agent whiskey #agent whiskey x reader #jack daniels #jack daniels x reader #Kingsman #kingsman fanfiction #Kingsman: the golden circle #Pedro Pascal

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emy-loves-you · 4 years ago

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Sanders Sides AU-gust Day 2: College

Virgil and Logan have a series of flirty interactions before realizing that they’re roommates.

Logan POV, Analogical with background Royality and familial Logicality.

Day 1 | Masterlist | Day 3

Logan felt extremely stereotypical as he drank from his red solo cup. According to the clock on the wall, it was currently 11:27 PM and Logan was ready to go home. He silently cursed out his brother for dragging him to this party. Patton could have asked his boyfriend to take him, but he wanted Logan to get out of the house. Logan watched as Patton and Roman made out on the other side of the room. He took a bigger swig from his cup and winced. Cheap booze. Logan wished that the other highschoolers here could swindle some better alcohol. Logan steeled himself before downing the rest of the cup. He needed a distraction from his boredom (and his brother making out with Roman Prince).

Logan swiftly stood up, frowning as he stumbled a bit. Logan had assumed that his tolerance level was higher than this. He’s only had… three? Four? Drinks. Logan should go get another drink. Logan quickly made his way to the kitchen, ignoring the other teens he passed on the way there. This house was pretty big, with multiple bedrooms for teens to have fun in. Logan eventually found the kitchen, wincing slightly at how bright the room was. There seemed to be only one person- oh.

Sitting on the counter was the most gorgeous man Logan had ever seen. Logan vaguely recognized him from the football games he attended with Patton. The teen usually manned the concession stand, wearing his overly large hoodie and dark eyeshadow. With his alcohol-fueled brain, Logan wasn’t shy to admit that he’d been crushing on the teen for a while. Tonight his crush wore a tight-fitting MCR shirt and equally tight jeans. His makeup was much more complex, complete with winged eyeliner and black lipstick. Logan suddenly felt hot all over as he moved forward to grab another drink. The sinfully attractive man just then seemed to notice Logan’s presence, swaying slightly on the counter.

“Hey, I know you!” The man slurred out. He appeared to be just as intoxicated as Logan was. “You’re the cute kid that orders cookies and water at every football game!”

Logan blushed, surprised that he remembered Logan’s face, much less his order. He then realized the first half of the sentence. “You think I’m cute?” He asked, internally frowning at the way his voice slurred.

The hot guy (who Logan was mentally dubbing ‘hottie’ from here on out. It’s not like anyone could read his thoughts) smirked. “You’re more than cute. You’re hot as shit, man.” The man giggled. “I’ve been crushing on you for a long time.”

Logan’s drunk-self couldn’t help but repeating the sentiment. “I’ve also harbored a crush on you.” They both giggled like schoolgirls at the thought, both too intoxicated to fully grasp the implications.

Hottie suddenly hopped off the counter, grabbing Logan by the hand. “C’mon.”

Logan let himself be pulled along until they reached the front door. “Where are we going?” Logan felt like he was forgetting something important. Did he have his phone? Yes, it was in Logan’s back pocket. Then what was he forgetting? It must not be important.

Hottie smiled as he led Logan across the street. “My house.” He led Logan to the front door, only letting go of his hand to unlock the door. “My parents are on vacation, so the house is empty. We just graduated and we both like each other so I thought-”

Hottie didn’t quite state what he was planning for them to do that night. It might have been because Logan chose that moment to press his lips against Hottie’s. Or that Hottie’s back was immediately pressed against the wall. Or maybe he was just too busy trying to get Logan’s shirt off.

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Logan groaned as he woke up, ignoring the need to open his eyes. His head felt like it would split in two. What happened last night? Logan struggled to pick out the details. Patton forced me to go to a party. He and Roman were… occupied. I went to get another drink and found that hot guy I’ve had a crush on for a while. I confessed my feelings and we went to his house- HIS HOUSE?!

Logan forced his eyes open, suddenly realizing that he wasn’t in his own bedroom. While it was difficult to see without his glasses, Logan could still make out the majority of the room. The whole room was a strange yet aesthetically pleasing combination of charcoal grey and purple. The bedroom was sparse, with multiple cardboard boxes stacked in the corner of the room. Logan’s crush (was crush an appropriate term for someone you’ve already had sex with?) was sitting on the other end of the bed, writing something in his notebook. Logan was suddenly aware of the fact that he was naked underneath the thick comforter on top of him. He went through the mental crisis of what the hell should I do for a few minutes before the man looked up.

“Oh! I didn’t know you were awake.” The teen shuffled around before holding something out. Logan held his hand out and was slightly surprised to feel his glasses being set gently onto his palm. Logan quickly put on his glasses and watched as his crush played with his hoodie strings. It was very odd to see him like this. On one hand, he wasn’t acting like the antisocial yet terrifying teenager that he was at football games. On the other hand, he wasn’t the suave, confident young man that Logan met last night. He was… shy, and quiet (and, though Logan would never admit it… he was cute, in a soft way).

Logan felt his blush rise as the guy handed him his clothes. They were clean and folded, with not a wrinkle in sight. How long has he been up for? And how long have I been asleep? Logan watched as the man gestured towards the bathroom and walked out of the room. Logan quickly stepped into the bathroom and changed, ignoring the heavy nausea he felt from his hangover. He then made his way out of the room, making his way to the kitchen. His crush was sitting on the counter, his phone in one hand and an unopened bottle of water in the other. Logan’s phone sat on the counter next to him, connected to a charger. The man offered Logan the water, which he accepted gratefully, chugging half the bottle before using the cool bottle as an icepack for his headache. His crush winced at the action. “Sorry, we don’t have any painkillers around. Trust me, I checked.”

Logan offered a small smile. “I believe you.” He turned towards his phone and was unsurprised to see over 50 missed calls from Patton. “I’ll need to be leaving soon.” The man tensed up. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “Look, I know we went through some mushy shit last night, but… I’m moving away in a few weeks. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could handle anything long-distance. But I didn’t mean to bring you here for a one-night stand. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve been crushing on you for a while now.”

Logan nodded. “I am also leaving for college in a few weeks. There are extremely low chances of the two of us meeting again. While I also harbor feelings towards you, I do not fancy a long distance relationship.”

They sat there in silence while Logan texted Patton. Logan left out the majority of the details, just stating that he was unharmed and that he was across the street from the party. Patton replied that he would be there in 20 minutes.

“Hey.” Logan looked up, and his crush immediately looked down at his feet. “If we ever meet again… you know, after we’ve moved and stuff… do you think we could give this a chance?”

Logan smiled. “If we somehow meet again in the future, I would thoroughly enjoy being in a relationship with you.”

They sat there for a few minutes before he smirked. “Wanna make out until your ride gets here?”

Logan leaned forward to kiss him. “Yes please.”

---------------------------------------------------

Logan sighed as he finished transferring his belongings from his car to his dorm room. Luckily his roommate wasn’t there yet, so they couldn’t see him exhausted from going up and down the stairs a dozen times. If he was here, maybe this whole thing would’ve been more bearable, but-

Logan shook his head. It’s been three months since the party, and he was probably on the other side of the country. Logan still feels like kicking himself for not getting the guy’s name or phone number. But by the time he thought of that, his crush had already moved away. But even after three months of no contact, Logan couldn’t get him out of his head. He’d fallen hard, and every night after was filled with dreams that would never happen. Kisses that never occurred, words that were never said, smiles and secrets that were never shared. God, Logan would do just about anything to have one more night with the guy. Instead, he was almost 1,000 miles away from his hometown, sharing his room with a stranger and wishing for a nameless cute guy more than he wished for his own brother.

Once everything was arranged accordingly, Logan decided to go and get some coffee. While he technically had a coffee maker in his room, Logan wanted to stretch his legs and familiarize himself with his new environment (it had nothing to do with getting thoughts of his crush out of his head, that would be preposterous). Logan made his way out of the college dorm, already dreading the walks from his dorm to his classes. The campus was larger than anything in Logan’s hometown. It took 20 minutes to reach the edge of campus, and another 15 to find a decent coffee shop. Sure, it looked like a cheap rip-off of Starbucks, but it had good reviews online so Logan was willing to give it a try.

Logan opened the front door, unsurprised to hear a small bell go off at the action. What he was surprised by was the familiar voice at the counter.

“Hello, welcome to the Coffee Castle, how may I help you?” Logan looked up just as he did, and they made eye contact over the counter. Logan’s face went red as he turned around and yelled towards the back room. “Taking my break now!”

Another voice answered back. “But I thought you were servin’ a customa?”

He blushed. “He can buy a coffee later, I gotta talk to him first. Personal stuff.”

The voice laughed. “Go gettum, V!”

V. While it wasn’t a full name, it was a much better substitute for him. V hung up his apron before dragging Logan towards the back of the coffee shop. There was a storage closet just big enough for the two of them as they slipped inside.

V smiled as he turned on the light. “Hey.”

Logan blushed. “Hello. It is very… nice, to see you again.”

V smirked. “Look, I’ve only got 10 minutes before I’ve gotta go back up to the counter. Wanna make out until then?”

Logan immediately pressed forward for a kiss. “That would be amenable.” He whispered under his breath.

Time always felt slower around V. Back when V worked the high school concession stand, a five-minute conversation felt like hours of invigorating debates. That night spent with V felt like years of drunken confessions and passionate moments. And the 8 minutes they spent making out in this closet felt like an entire lifetime of love. Every kiss was a promise for more, every sigh was a confession that didn’t need verbalization to be understood. Logan was not well-versed with recognizing and acting on emotions, but after the lifetime he was feeling in this moment, he realized that he would trade almost anything to spend an actual lifetime with V.

They eventually stopped kissing and just stood there for a moment, pressing their foreheads together in some vague form of reassurance. Logan wished that this moment of serenity would last forever, but that was not meant to be. V pulled back and blushed, looking down at his feet. “I know we both said we would give us a chance if we met again, but do you still mean it?”

Logan nodded. “Do you?”

V smiled, leaning in to kiss Logan’s nose. “I wouldn’t have pulled you into this closet if I didn’t.”

They stood there for a few moments before Logan coughed awkwardly. “Could I get your phone number? I really don’t want to go through the trouble of trying to find you again.”

V laughed. “Yeah, that makes sense.” V typed his number into Logan’s phone before sighing. “I need to get back to work.”

Logan frowned. “Alright. Will you be here tomorrow?”

Virgil smirked. “No, but I can be here if someone wants to go on a coffee date.”

Logan blushed. “That sounds acceptable. Is 1 PM a good time for you.”

Virgil smiled. “Sounds perfect.” He gave Logan one more peck on the lips before opening the closet door. “See you then.”

Logan was a blushing mess for the rest of the day. Patton had decided to call him soon after Logan left the cafe, and he squealed when Logan told him of his encounter with V. Patton then spent the next 20 minutes telling Logan what he should wear for his date tomorrow. That’s when Logan realized that holy shit I have a DATE tomorrow. He spent the rest of the day at the local library, trying to find anything on date etiquette (or just how to hold a proper conversation). After promising to tell Patton about how his date goes, he reads several philosophy books to try and calm down. By the time the library closed, Logan was feeling slightly less flustered and collected enough to meet his new roommate. Logan knew nothing but the man’s name, so it was difficult to judge whether or not this interaction would go smoothly.

Logan approached his dorm once again, feeling a nervous twist in his abdomen. First impressions meant alot to most people; would Logan’s roommate be upset that Logan wasn’t there all day? While Logan wasn’t interested in being friends with his new roommate, it would be helpful to keep a polite relationship with the person he was going to live with for the next few months.

Logan quickly entered the dorm, finding his roommate lying on the floor, eating a bag of chips. Logan cringed as the crumbs got into the carpet, but attempted to be civil nonetheless. “Hello, you must be Virgil Storm. I am your roommate, Logan-”

Logan didn’t get to finish his introduction before the man burped loudly and sat up. “Oh, I’m not Virgil.” He used his tongue to get the leftover crumbs out of his mustache. “Remus Prince, at your service!”

Logan cringed again, suddenly recognizing the man’s face. While he didn’t go to the same highschool as Logan, his resemblance was impossible to miss. “Ah, I remember now. We’ve met a few times before this, if I’m remembering correctly. You’re Roman’s twin brother, correct?”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “Yep, and your Patty’s big bro, right? My, what a small world!”

Logan couldn’t help but smile at that. “Yes, what a small world indeed.” He looked around. “Now, what are you doing in my room?”

Remus giggled. “I’m Virgil’s best friend! We were gossiping about the date he’s going on tomorrow.”

Logan nodded. “And where is he now?”

Logan heard the door open and close from behind him. Remus giggled and pointed towards the door. Logan turned around, ready to start his introductory speech again. Instead, all that came out was a quiet squeak.

Standing in the doorway, slack jawed, was V. Logan felt his cheeks turn red as he tried to come up with an appropriate response. Remus giggled again, and V then seemed to realize that Remus was there. “Remus, leave.”

Remus whined. “But we were gonna talk about the guy that made your heart flutter and your di-”

Virgil growled. “Out, Remus.”

Remus stared at the two of them while Logan continued to silently blush. He seemed to come to the correct conclusion as he laughed. “Well, the world’s even smaller than I thought it was. Have fun you two!” And with one last laugh and something whispered into Virgil’s ear, Remus left.

Logan and V- no, Virgil- stared at each other before Virgil started laughing. Logan soon joined him, and they became a giggling mess. Virgil wiped away a fake tear. “What are the odds?”

“Of the two of us being roommates at the same college? Without informing the other of what state we were moving to?” Logan adjusted his glasses. “Too small to consider.”

There was a pause before Virgil spoke up. “Well, I know we have a date planned for tomorrow, but we have two perfectly usable beds right here, and-”

This wasn’t the first time that Virgil was unable to finish telling Logan what he wanted to do, and it wouldn’t be the last. But Virgil was okay with that, if it meant that he was feeling Logan’s lips on his.

#sanders sides #AU_gust_2020 #alternate universe college #analogical #royality #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #my fic

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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Worlds Collide, Chapter 4 (Biangela) - Albatross

AN: it’s finally back! so originally this was going to be the biadore chapter but as you can see, it got long. now it’s biangela and biadore will be focused on in the next installment. and thank you to @veronicasanders and @maeveofhearts for offering feedback. i’m sorry i didn’t change more of the story based on that but i just want this chapter gone at this point.

To say Bianca Del Rio was a mystery to her classmates was a bit of an understatement.

Yes, many of them knew who she was, but precious few could say they actually knew her…and even less could tell you what her powers were.

Not that it was really a secret as far as Bianca was concerned. They didn’t ask and she didn’t feel the need to tell. Her powers were passive after all so there wasn’t really much to boast about. They were useful but it was easy to get overwhelmed by them if she wasn’t careful.

The school was well aware of her ability to enter other’s minds and took the necessary precautions to prevent her from cheating on exams. They always separated her from the rest of her classmates on testing days and placed her in a room well beyond what they expected the range of her powers to be. It was fairly well thought out, though a bit basic, she had to admit. One thing they had not counted on, however, was for Bianca to use her powers on herself.

She understood very early on that she could dive deep into her own memory and pull out mental images as though she had been staring at them only a second ago. Using this method, she would review her notes and textbooks during the exam and receive near perfect scores every time. Of course this plan required her to pay attention in class and take down meticulous notes but it was a small price to pay for not having to study for hours on end. A simple glance through her notes and textbook right before class and she’d be ready to ace any question thrown her way.

Most teachers were a bit suspicious of how her grades were always so high but when they could find no evidence of cheating, they had to let it go. And soon enough her scores were the talk of the school. Someone had even speculated that the reason she was placed in a separate room was so that no one could cheat off of her and rapidly, that rumor took off like wildfire.

Not that Bianca had any inclination to dispel that particular misconception. She found she rather liked the attention after all. Especially when it put her in the eye of a certain classmate of hers.

She and Raja had arrived at the school at the same time so they had a passing familiarity with one another from orientation alone. It was nothing more than superficial as the pair got settled into their new lives on campus. Sure, they might’ve exchanged a few flirty comments here and there but Bianca hadn’t really thought much of it. Raja wasn’t the type she’d usually go for and the much taller girl was rather aloof so it was hard to get a good read on her personality. She never seemed to be too invested in one relationship over another, just floating back and forth between groups of friends without making a truly firm connection with any of them. Not that Bianca had much to say on that subject either. After all, she didn’t feel the need to commit herself to any particular group just yet either. She too drifted among a few of her closer friends but kept most private thoughts, well…private.

It was only when Raja started showing a particular interest in her that she began letting down some of those walls.

She seemed to be genuinely impressed by Bianca’s grades, marvelling once again at the latest 99% glaring at the top of the first page. This particular exam was no joke either; seven pages front to back and three essay questions. A few students had complained afterwards that there just wasn’t enough time to complete everything so they either BS'ed their way through the open ended questions or just guessed at a number of the multiple choice ones. Even Raja had only managed a score in the lower 90’s…

Bianca was about to tuck away the test into one of her binders and forget about it but a question from Raja made her stop in her tracks. It was a simple question, nothing too out of the ordinary, only “Maybe you could help me study sometime?”

The look on Raja’s face however told a different story. It was that same flirty smile she’d seen on her friend a number of times before, though in this instance it looked perhaps a bit more serious, more genuine. Her eyes darted not so subtly to Bianca’s lips but her voice remained airy and light. It was just enough to make Bianca a tad cautious that she might be reading too much into the situation.

A considering smirk of her own spread across her lips as she looked Raja up and down before replying back smoothly, “Maybe…My room or yours?”

Now the ball was in Raja’s court. Depending on her answer, Bianca would likely have hers. But without even missing a beat, and even looking a bit like the cat that had caught the mouse, Raja shot back, “Well, you live alone don’t you? It’d make more sense to do it there, don'tcha think?”

Bianca nodded, her eyes shining with a mischievous undertone as Raja reached over to run a lazy, almost inviting finger across Bianca’s wrist as she added, “What do you say? Up for it?”

She was all but challenging Bianca now and certainly Bianca wasn’t one to back down, not without a fight at least. But deciding to keep it coy, just for show at this point, she gave a vague half-hearted commitment of, “I might be…Why don’t you stop by tonight and we’ll see what happens. Room 304.”

“Don’t worry, I know,” Raja assured her as she withdrew looking rather pleased with herself.

It was certainly no secret which room was Bianca’s; a corner space by herself which was almost unheard of for a first year student. The school had agreed to allow her to live alone for the sake of her powers but as was typical, the allowance earned her the jealousy of the others living in the dorms, especially those that did not get along with their roommates. Michelle was very intent on pairing new students with more senior ones in the hopes of fostering relationships and knowledge sharing between those with similar powers. It worked in some cases, not all, but it was a decent plan. This usually was more successful with elemental powers. Raja herself had picked up a few tricks from her roommate…It’ll be sad when she leaves, they really did click after all, but that was the design of the school; once the senior students were ready to move out, to higher education or otherwise, the newest batch of arrivals would take their place in the empty dorm rooms and the cycle would begin again.

But for now and the foreseeable future, Bianca lived alone and that was how she liked it. Especially if it meant she could hook up without the worry of a roommate barging in.

And true to her word, Raja did show up outside her door that night wearing precious little other than a camisole, shorts and a flirty smile.

“What? No books?” Bianca asked as a smirk of her own grew across her lips.

Raja just threw her head back and laughed out “Shut up!” before inviting herself into the room. Beyond that there was little more talking before the two fell into bed and spent the rest of the night together.

If there was one thing Bianca appreciated the most out of this encounter, it was that there was no expectation for anything deeper. Admittedly there had been a part of her that was concerned with that thought, so as Raja slept, Bianca slipped her way into her partner’s mind to uncover the truth. To her relief, all she discovered was that Raja, like her, was just looking for some fun; something that will remain casual and hopefully constant. Though Bianca was tempted to dive a little further into the depth of Raja’s thoughts, she pulled herself away and allowed her own sleepy mind to drift off into unconsciousness.

Soon enough this behavior became a predictable pattern; the pair finding themselves drawn back together for another night of casual sex. It helped that it was just so easy to be around each other otherwise. They got along well, but then again, who didn’t get along with Raja? She was so relaxed and carefree, offering meaningful insight to a number of topics and easily bringing a smile to Bianca’s face.

It was all just…comfortable. It was a fun little break from the monotony of school life.

But of course in just a few months there came another batch of new students. Bianca hadn’t paid much attention when the last batch had arrived. Sure, she made friends with some of them but this time it was different. Bianca, however, hadn’t realized how different until it was much too late. The two standouts, at least to Bianca and Raja, were a plant elemental and earth elemental, respectively. Shangela and Raven, as they found out later. How Raven and Raja first met was unknown. Whether it was randomly in the hall or during a shared class, Bianca never really found out. All she knew was that at some point she was introduced to Raven and then she hardly ever left their group.

It was fine though, she was interesting enough. Her wit was much like Bianca’s so there was some common ground they could agree on. Her attitude at first was a bit guarded but after she warmed up, Bianca found she actually did like her. She thought little of her addition to their group.

Shangela, however, was another matter.

She never really joined that group of Bianca’s friends, she actually managed to find her own almost right away. It was weeks before Bianca even knew she existed and it was only by a chance encounter that they met.

It had been a relatively warm day around midsummer when Bianca opted to walk by the school’s greenhouse. There had never been much foot traffic around that area yet today it seemed to be the busiest spot on campus. Miscellaneous boxes were lined up along the exterior of the building, dead and withered plants pushed off to the side and out of the way while newer, livelier looking ones were being moved closer to the door.

A number of students were running around the outside either laying out tools and supplies or carting around another pile of dead plants or broken equipment. It was fascinating to stumble upon, like a bunch of busy bees working to build their hive. Bianca found herself stopping to watch them all for a moment and in a couple ways that turned out to be quite a mistake for her.

She’d only been there for maybe five minutes before some giant box with scrawny arms and legs was run right into her.

“Watch it!” she barked out in mild irritation. It wasn’t like she had stopped right in the middle of all the commotion afterall. There was hardly a reason to think she’d be run into out here on the outskirts.

“Oh, sorry, baby,” came the apologetic voice from behind the box, “Can’t see where I’m going with this stupid thing!”

The voice sounded pleasant enough and after another look it did seem like they were struggling a bit to keep a grip on the box. Bianca couldn’t even make out a face yet but she’d bet anything the girl on the other side of the cardboard was sweaty and exhausted.

Almost like a reflex, Bianca’s hands were wrapped around the bottom edge of the box to help steady the tilting contents. As soon as the other girl realized the change in weight, she let out a heavily relieved statement of, “Oh, thank you!”

The corners of Bianca’s lips turned up just slightly as she asked where they were going with this rather heavy box. “By the shed, I think. I’ve got no clue what’s even in here but it sounds like more tools.”

“Right,” Bianca agreed in a slow, drawn out voice, “But…where is the shed?”

She hadn’t seen any earlier unless she’d totally missed it.

“Right around the other side of the greenhouse, baby. Haven’t you gone out there yet?”

Walking slowly to keep her footing steady on the slight incline towards the shed in question, Bianca replied somewhat distractedly that no, she hadn’t seen the shed before. After all, she noted to herself, there wasn’t exactly a walking trail that went past it as far as she knew. But the other girl wasn’t at all bothered by it. She noted quite happily that once they turned the corner it’ll stick right out and true to her word, it really had.

It was a makeshift little thing, stuck along the shady back wall of the greenhouse and well out of sight. There barely seemed to be enough room for 3 people inside but really, how many actually need to be in there at once?

Very carefully, the two set the box beside a collection of other tools and small equipment and took their first look at one another. Bianca was surprised to find the owner of that voice to be so striking, enough to make her wonder how she’d possibly missed spotting her in the hallways for so long. The girl was sporting a mass of long, tightly curled, auburn hair carefully tinted with honey colored highlights and left loose to fall across her shoulders. But for all the work these plant elementals seemed to be doing today, it was a shock that someone with such long hair would not have bound it into a ponytail. But even the way a number of strands seemed to be stuck to the girl’s damp forehead didn’t seem to particularly bother her. In fact, right now, the only thing that did concern her was that she had absolutely no idea who this was that helped her.

Confused, she wiped off her hand on her clothes before extending it out and introducing herself, “Thanks. I’m Shangela, by the way. I don’t think we’ve met…have we?”

Shaking her head with a soft laugh, Bianca accepted the gesture and replied, “No, I’d definitely remember meeting a cute thing like you. I’m Bianca.”

A very light tint of color rose to her new acquaintence’s cheeks, one that didn’t seem to be solely connected to the heavy lifting she had been doing all day. Glancing around to find that no had joined them yet, Bianca took the opportunity to ask, “So what all’s going here? Spring cleaning or something?”

“Or something!” Shangela laughed in agreement as a million watt smile overtook her face, “You’re not one of us, are you? Plant elemental, I mean.”

“No, far from it,” Bianca confirmed with a grin and a slight shake to her head, “Passive power, actually.”

“Ahh, gotcha.”

“So all this, then?”

Still with her bright smile firmly in place, Shangela commented rather proudly, “We’re hauling out the old junk and bringing in some new equipment. Gonna turn this pile of trash into something nice, something we can actually work in.”

Casting her gaze back to the rickety shed and the piles of boxes and tools left lying around, Bianca let out a slightly disbelieving laugh. She cocked her head to the side and asked with a playful, teasing tone coloring her voice, “And you’re leading the charge?”

“Sure am, baby girl!” Shangela retorted as her smile morphed into a confident, cocky little grin. “Gonna turn this place around, just you wait! You come back next week and you won’t recognize the place, I guarantee it!”

Something about Shangela’s attitude sparked a certain sense of admiration from Bianca. Just by that last statement alone, Bianca could tell this girl was proud, headstrong, and certainly motivated. Perhaps even enough to really make good on that promise…

Either way, that invitation was certainly too good to pass up, especially if it gave her an excuse to come see Shangela again. So with her flirty little undertone making another appearance, she replied back, “Might just take you up on that, you know,” and prepared to walk away having gotten in the last word.

However, before she’d even taken a step back towards the walking path, Shangela slid in one last sly remark; “I’m hoping you do.”

Oh, this was gonna be the start of a beautiful friendship.

*******

True to her word, Bianca stopped in late the following week to survey all that Shangela and the other plant elementals had accomplished together. In truth, she actually stopped by twice but upon finding Shangela absent during her first trip, she resolved to try again once more and thankfully, luck was on her side.

Classes had ended almost half an hour ago and after shooting the breeze with Raja as she smoked behind the gym, Bianca was ready to trek back across campus to the greenhouse. A little jolt resonated in the pit of her stomach as she spotted a familiar mess of curly hair go waltzing into the greenhouse. From the moment Bianca stepped inside and was greeted with that same smile that seemed to radiate sunshine, she was hooked.

Shangela was easy to get along with; loud at times but certainly funny and open. A bit like Raja actually and perhaps that was why Bianca was so drawn to her. Shangela could keep up with her snark, slip in some of her own, and never let that smile of hers leave her face. She reciprocated most of Bianca’s flirting, enough so that it became almost traditional that nearly half of their conversations with each other consisted solely of pushing the boundaries with suggestive comments.

The key difference between Shangela and Raja though was that unlike Raja, Shangela never made a move to pursue anything further with their relationship. She always kept her hands to herself, aside from a hug or casual kiss to the cheek, and that left Bianca wondering a bit at times. Shangela didn’t seem to mind too much when Bianca’s own fingers would dance along her skin…but she never encouraged it either. She just acted neutral about it at best.

It was all very…confusing.

Bianca did question it from time to time but never put too much stock in the answer. She was just enjoying her emotional relationship with Shangela and of course, her physical one with Raja. But after a few months, things didn’t seem as idyllic anymore.

Something had changed.

Not just with her but also with Raja.

Sure, they still hooked up on a regular basis but something was just a little off. Neither of them seemed as invested in it as they had been…and Bianca had a suspicion as to why.

Much like she had been taken by Shangela, Raja had also become more focused on her newest friend; Raven. They were spending so much time together now that if Bianca were dating Raja or had some kind of emotional investment in her, she probably would have been jealous. It was easy to see they had become very close to one another and a short little sprint into both of their minds confirmed that there was some kind of underlying attraction.

With Raja, it was easy to pick up as soon as Bianca had entered her mind. The emotions attached to her memories were always so easy to sense. All she had to do was manipulate a recent memory of Raven to appear and almost instantaneously Bianca was struck with all of the affection Raja kept for the girl.

Raven was a bit more difficult to read, as Bianca had expected. Certain people, whether it was how they thought or how their personalities affected their memory or perceptions, tended to make it a challenge for Bianca to draw out any useful information. With Raven though, it was certainly her personality that was the predominant factor. Her memories at first glance, seemed to be just that; a basic recollection of events, nothing emotionally charged about them. Bianca might as well have just been watching what Raven ate for breakfast.

But something was off about that.

You only had to see them interacting once to know Raven had some kind of connection with Raja, even if it were purely based on friendship.

And with a little digging, Bianca found her answer; the longer she kept the memory in the forefront of Raven’s mind, the more emotions came to light. It was like little pools at first, just bubbling up and then slowly spreading outward to flavor the entire memory. The first few to pop up were simple and ordinary; feelings of friendship and happiness and contentment.

But the longer Bianca let the memory replay over and over again, the more layers began to appear. Layers of much deeper, more complex emotions; closeness, admiration, anxiety…even a hint of fear or concern.

All of the emotions shaded the memory like an oil slick on water but confirmed that Raven felt just as strongly about Raja as vice versa. She simply spent a great deal more of her energy to hide it…even from herself.

But knowing that both of them were attracted to one another made Bianca’s decision that much easier. She needed to break things off with Raja. Even though their relationship was casual, easy, and so damn comfortable…it just wasn’t right to continue it.

So after their latest session, Bianca broached the subject with her usual bluntness, “Raven likes you, you know.”

A little huff of laughter emanated from the spent body beside her. Bianca could hear the smirk in Raja’s voice as she remarked, “I should hope so, considering we spend almost every day together.

“You know what I mean,” Bianca insisted as her eyes rolled expressively at the play at ignorance.

There was a moment’s pause, loaded and heavy as Raja remained silent and contemplative. Perhaps Bianca had judged the situation too quickly; she thought that Raja must have some inkling of Raven’s feelings but maybe she was wrong after all. It wasn’t like her friend to remain so musive…if she were avoiding a subject, she’d dance around it like no one’s business using every topic she could think of to guide the conversation away from herself yet right now…she was quiet.

It was strange, to be honest.

Bianca rolled further onto her side to better study Raja’s expression. She was pondering the information, running it over and over in her head, that much was clear. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth, a habit Bianca noticed whenever Raja was deep in thought and unaware of the world around her.

Bianca was beginning to second-guess her decision to spring all of this on Raja at once when finally there came a hesitant voice from her friend. A soft, cautious question of, “She does?”

“Yeah. And you like her.”

Another pause.

One where Raja seemed to contemplate lying…but that would do no good and she knew it.

She couldn’t hide anything from Bianca, she knew that well enough by now.

Instead, she just confirmed the statement with a simple nod of her head.

It was a relief to Bianca that Raja wasn’t trying to deny that accusation. But she had to admit it didn’t make the situation feel any less awkward now that it had begun. In a way she almost wished she hadn’t brought it up but they’re already here so might as well go the rest of the distance. It’s what was best for all of them, Bianca reminded herself, even if it hurts a bit right now.

“Why not try this ,” Bianca suggested with flimsy hand motioning at the space between them, “with her?”

A soft, reluctant sigh escaped from Raja’s lips as her shoulders sunk into the bedspread. Her voice sounded as though this was something she’d repeated quite often, though most likely only to herself, “It’s not quite the same…Things are more complicated with her…”

Shifting around to look back at Bianca, a raw, vulnerable pain she hardly ever shared was present in her eyes as she spoke, “I don’t…I don’t want to risk losing our friendship, you know? That’s the best part of knowing her. I mean, you’re great too,” she added with an appeasing smile, “but I’ve never really met someone that just gets me like her. I don’t wanna mess that up.”

The sudden onslaught of emotion caught Bianca by surprise, though if she were honest, she should have expected it. Nevertheless it was uncomfortable, enough to make her want to squirm away from Raja’s gaze out of sheer embarrassment. So of course, the most logical reaction for Bianca was to simply avert her eyes and scoff, “So even though I’m telling you for certain that she likes you, you’re not gonna push it or question it? Just pretend it doesn’t change things?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Raja admitted as her voice dipped low into a realm of sudden melancholy.

This whole conversation was so much more painful and complicated and annoying than Bianca had realized it would be. She just wanted to sink into the mattress and pretend this can of worms had never been opened; that she wasn’t laying here with a very naked, very vulnerable Raja pouring her heart out and expecting an actual viable answer. Yet even though this sort of heart to heart made her skin crawl, Bianca still tried her best to soothe Raja’s fears as best she could, “I think…she’s probably worried about the same things as you, if that helps at all.”

A noise of understanding filled the room but it was far from a guarantee that Raja would ever discuss this topic with Raven. Even though it seemed so straightforward on paper, emotions can still easily turn the simplest situations into a tangled mess. But there was a small glimmer of hope as Raja asked carefully, “Should we…stop this then?”

Nodding her head, Bianca agreed, “Probably be for the best.”

A bittersweet smile stretched across Raja’s lips as she admitted, “I’m gonna miss this. It was fun and-”

“Easy?”

“Yes!” she agreed wholeheartedly.

And Bianca understood that sentiment all too well. But this was for the best, she reminded herself, but she’d allow her walls to break down just for a moment as she confessed, “I will, too.”

She expected the conversation to shift there, to turn into something else, something more lighthearted but to her surprise, Raja carefully reached over to run a gentle hand across Bianca’s exposed arm and inquired, “Are you going to be okay, though?”

“Of course,” Bianca laughed, perhaps a little too loudly, “Why wouldn’t I be? Listen, I can find someone else.”

“Maybe Shangela?” Raja prompted with a knowing gleam in her eyes.

A faint heat began to rise to her cheeks but Bianca was determined to ignore that as she scoffed, “Why her?”

A smile of disbelief appeared on Raja’s face as she stared down at her former partner and informed her quite confidently, “B…I’ve seen you two together. You both have it so bad …Why don’t you pursue that?”

A small growl of irritation reverberated in Bianca’s throat. This wasn’t anything she expected to ever talk about with Raja, or anyone else for that matter. Her relationship with Shangela, whatever it was, didn’t need any outside speculation, at least not right now but it seems Raja was intent on making Bianca’s love affairs a topic for today too. In a cosmic sense it was fair…though Bianca would argue it was anything but.

Shifting around on the bed in discomfort, she found herself muttering, “I mean…I don’t think we’d…”

“You don’t want to ask her for the same reason I don’t wanna ask Raven, huh?” Raja accused lightly, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from Bianca’s mouth.

Catching on to Raja’s game, Bianca found herself reluctantly admitting, “Guess so, bitch. Birds of a feather, huh?”

“Definitely,” she agreed with her usual playful overtone back in her voice once again. “But think about it. If you wait too long, you might miss your chance…and so could I,” she added with a shrug of her shoulders.

Rolling her eyes, Bianca begrudgingly relented, “I’ll think about it.”

Accepting the unwilling promise, Raja let that particular side of the conversation drop for the time being. In the future they might need to talk about it again but for now, they both had plenty to think about, especially since their free time just became a lot more open to potential new activities.

“I really am going to miss this,” Raja declared with an air of sadness as she played with a loose strand of Bianca’s hair. This really had been so comfortable and convenient…it was a shame it had to end.

Bianca certainly felt a similar sentiment as she suggested with a devilish smirk beginning to spread across her lips, “Me too…but we still have time for a few more rounds tonight.”

“We sure do,” came the immediate and enthusiastic reply.

******

That was their last night together but not the last time either of them thought about it. Some days they considered rekindling the physical aspect because after all, there were no strings attached and it was such a fun distraction…but then other days they thought about their conversation. Bianca in particular thought about what Raja had said regarding Shangela’s feelings. Very easily she could just wander into Shangela’s mind and confirm the information but something about that just felt very…wrong. Like she’d be crossing a line that she’d never thought about before.

Certainly Bianca had no issue with pursuing that action with others, she’d done it with Raja after all but this felt strangely intimate and private. Perhaps she could just ask Shangela…

Or not.

That would certainly raise questions she’d rather not answer.

So it seems that if she wanted to know for certain, and without the unpleasantness of awkward conversations, she might just have to look around Shangela’s mind, at least for a little bit. It’s not like it was hard to find a chance to do so. They spent a number of their afternoons and nights together, whether it’d be in the greenhouse or in one of their rooms. But Bianca kept putting it off for as long as she could. She was afraid of what the answer might be…and how it might change things.

Then one lazy afternoon, the opportunity was too good to pass up. They were watching the TV in the common room, just them and maybe 3 other people throughout the space either studying or chatting away. Shangela’s attention was starting to drift off as she slumped into Bianca’s side and it’d be all too easy to traverse the recesses of her mind. So very tentatively, Bianca pushed her way inside the mindspace and began to explore the new territory she had found.

It was all so…confounding.

Everything looked chaotic at first glance but then as you looked closer, it was so organized . Memories were all connected by various threads of emotion, almost like a spider web. Some strands were thick and study, others flimsy and faint. But there was not a single memory to be seen that wasn’t connected somehow with another. And as to what the threads would show, Bianca had a pretty good guess. Testing her theory, she reached out to touch one at random. It was of average size compared to others, extending from the current memory of watching TV to another more distant memory somewhere else in recess of Shangela’s mind. But the instant Bianca made contact with the strand, a single, clear emotion emanated through her body.

It was contentedness.

Shangela didn’t feel strongly about the program one way or the other; she didn’t particularly like or dislike it but she was content to continue watching it.

Following the thread out a ways, Bianca found another memory it was connected to and from there yet another. All of them were of mundane activities, nothing particularly interesting but still connected by the same emotion. Now having a better understanding of how Shangela’s mind worked, Bianca returned to the original memory and began her search for the one piece of information she was so desperate to find.

From that base memory, it was easy to manipulate it into showing scenes of her and Shangela together. From there things grew more interesting; some of the previous strands had faded and others appeared in their place. A number of them were quite thick but there were several thin remnants that almost appeared to be there as afterthoughts. Ignoring those for now, Bianca focused on those heavy strands.

The first she investigated was happiness and of course, found it connected to similar memories. The more recent ones heavily featured Bianca but going back even more distant, she found family and other friends linked by this thread as well.

The second strand felt like pure nerves. One that made Bianca’s stomach queasy and upset. It attached itself to other memories associated with anxiety, such as waiting for an important grade or trying to grow a tricky plant for the first time. But it made Bianca realize that sometimes, even if she never showed it, Shangela was a bit nervous around her. For what reason, Bianca could only speculate right now.

Another strand, though a bit thinner, seemed to be admiration, much in the way Shangela would look up to someone with more experience. This one was linked with memories of other successful plant elementals she had met since moving here. There were even a few scenes of one or two of them taking her under their wing and showing her how to best control her powers or supplementing her efforts with their own in order to produce a result that was far more impressive.

Nearby lay yet another strand, one with an emotion that was difficult to pin down. Bianca didn’t understand what she was feeling at first when she touched it but the memories that were associated with it helped things become a little clearer. It was often images of Shangela reading something interesting or watching an unusual seed grow into a new and strange plant. But there were other scenes too, such as overhearing part of conversation and longing to know the context. It was then that Bianca realized what she was experiencing; pure and simple curiosity.

Wanting to know the unknown.

It was not a feeling she was familiar with, at least not for very long. If she ever wanted to know something, more often than not she had the means to learn it through the use of her powers. But it made quite a difference to be experiencing this curiosity on a scale such as Shangela’s.

Then, as Bianca moved around some other threads, she found the largest one very well-hidden amongst them. It almost didn’t even seem to be fully there, at least not at first. She second-guessed if she had even truly seen it or just imagined it but a closer look confirmed it was in fact there. It flickered away for a moment and it was then Bianca realized that even despite the size of this thread, Shangela was doing her best to ignore it…yet still, it persisted and refused to disappear for very long.

Nervously, she reached out to touch it, to see just what it was that Shangela was trying to deny about herself. She had no clue what she expected to find at the end of this thread but the answer was truly surprising. Only a few related memories existed in Shangela’s mind so it must have been something quite uncommon for her…but the second Bianca had made contact, she realized immediately exactly what the emotion was.

It was attraction in its most basic form; a strong desire to be with someone, an unexplainable feeling of being drawn to them and wanting to spend time with them. It was powerful and almost overwhelming, so much that it was of little surprise that Shangela wanted to keep it buried away. And by investigating the strand further, Bianca found that only two people have ever made her feel this way. One even seemed to be relatively recent, perhaps even from only a year or so ago but certainly before Shangela had moved to the school. The scenery depicted in the memories looked to be of another town, certainly not the campus nor the nearby city that students would occasionally frequent.

But that was not Bianca’s concern.

She was confident she had her answer now. Sure, there were a number of other threads still laying about but they were small. Flimsy and hardly warranted any further investigation. Bianca was certain she had found all that she was looking for and feeling rather satisfied with herself, she exited Shangela’s mindscape with the other girl being none the wiser.

But still, Bianca couldn’t help the fond grin that had spread across her lips, nor deny the warm feeling spreading through her chest.

Shangela was still laying against her, watching the TV with a vaguely amused but mostly bored expression, yet something seemed different. Almost like there were hidden depths that Bianca was just now noticing.

So daring to take a chance, she slipped an arm around Shangela’s waist and pulled her in even closer. Neither spoke a word about it but the immediate compliance of her body, followed by the undeniably relaxed posture and contented grin, assured Bianca that she had made the right move.

She reveled in the knowledge that Shangela returned her affections. She was more subtle about it than Bianca would have guessed, but that’s okay. They didn’t need to rush things. Bianca was all too happy to take things slow until Shangela felt more comfortable. The last thing she wanted was to push her too quickly and risk ruining a relationship before it truly started. But one thing Bianca decided for herself was that she was not going to play passive anymore. She was going to show Shangela that they shared the same attraction and with any luck, it might just help Shangela break from her worries and be willing to take a chance on starting a relationship together.

******

Weeks passed and the pair grew even closer, yet Bianca still felt that they were hardly any closer to dating than they had been when she entered Shangela’s mind. She was sure she was being obvious about her feelings, doing everything short of announcing them to the world, but almost every time Shangela had a chance to confront her, she balked. She played dumb or just ignored whatever gesture Bianca had concocted.

Whenever Bianca would try to hold her hand, either alone or in public, Shangela simply acted as though it were nothing special. Flirty comments were met with a roll of the eyes or a coy, cool rebuttal. And gifts, though appreciated, did not seem to get the hidden meaning across. Even when Bianca attempted to lean in for a kiss to the cheek, Shangela simply just laughed the gesture off and playfully pushed her away.

It was confusing and frustrating but Bianca was determined not to give in. The chase was a bit more fun than she expected and the payoff would certainly be worth it. But still, she couldn’t help but wonder from time to time…

Was she wrong?

Had she not interpreted Shangela’s emotions correctly or even skewed them to match what she wanted to find?

No.

She was certain she was right but something, something more was holding Shangela back. She just didn’t know what. At least not yet. And she was far from done trying. It’s not as though she had a time limit or anything. She firmly believed that before long something would happen and they would finally get together so until then, she just had to be determined and continue to assure Shangela that her feelings were returned.

Maybe, even after all this time, Shangela just couldn’t let herself believe that Bianca shared the same affection?

In that case, Bianca would just have to remain steadfast until she understood. And then everything would fall into place.

*******

Before long, the seasons changed once again and a new class of students began moving into the dormitories. Bianca hardly took notice at first, seeing as she had no risk of acquiring a roommate, but as she tried to navigate the halls and found them cluttered with numerous bodies and belongings, it was hard to ignore. Weaving her way through the chaos, she found herself en route to Shangela’s room only to discover the door open and Shangela nowhere in sight.

Instead, a busy little blonde was bouncing around the room, arranging and rearranging everything into what looked like nothing but an organized mess. She was so distracted she hadn’t even noticed Bianca standing in the doorway, much less now beginning to walk in. Faintly, Bianca could hear the girl humming a soft tune as she worked and a small smile began to stretch across her lips.

Then, before Bianca could even properly announce herself, the girl spun around, glanced up, and jumped a little in shock as she saw another body standing in her doorway. Bianca’s smile shifted into a slight smirk as she inquired, “Hey, cutie, you seen Shangie around?”

She was met with silence as the girl floundered for an answer. Perhaps Shangela had gone out before they had a chance to meet. Trying again, Bianca took another step inside and teased, “You know, Shangela, your roommate ? You have met her, right?”

There was a slow nod of confirmation but aside from that, the girl remained silent.

Finding herself a tad amused by the behavior, Bianca couldn’t stop her smirk from widening as she asked, “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Cat got your tongue?”

“No!” came the indignant, slightly high-pitched rebuttal.

“Then do you know where she is?” Bianca pressed, taking another couple of steps into the room until they were only a few feet apart. “Come on, doll face, I’m not gonna bite.”

The girl’s eyes narrowed as she all but huffed at the treatment. But as she opened her mouth for some sort of remark, something in the hallway caught her eye and a look of smugness quickly spread across her face. Bianca arched a brow at the sudden change in attitude but before she could question it, she found a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and a lighthearted voice echoing in her ear, “Harassing my new roommate already?”

Trying and failing to stop a wide grin from appearing on her lips, Bianca offered a flimsy, airy excuse of, “Course not, I was just getting to know her. You know how I am.”

“I do, ho,” came the playful reply as the arms around Bianca’s waist disappeared, “So don’t go scaring her off before classes even start.”

Bianca was quick to turn around and offer a charming smile as she replied all too sweetly, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Mh-mm,” came the disbelieving reply.

But despite Shangela’s attempt to play everything off as merely a joke, Bianca couldn’t help but notice something unusual in Shangela’s expression. A sort of stony look in her eyes that seemed very uncharacteristic for her. Though she was still smiling, none of that reached her eyes, not even a trace. She looked disapproving to Bianca’s mind…perhaps even…jealous.

Bianca’s heart fluttered in her chest at the thought. Though it wasn’t the vocal confirmation of Shangela’s affections that she was looking for, it still was something . Maybe she was closer to getting Shangela to admit her feelings than she thought.

And all things considered…it was kinda cute that she could be jealous. At least in Bianca’s opinion.

In the end, it only took a few short moments for Bianca’s smile to break through that momentary defense and win Shangela over once more. Before she knew it, that bright, beaming grin she loved was back on Shangela’s face and any previous discontent seemed to have disappeared from existence.

Taking the opening, Bianca properly introduced herself to Shangela’s new roommate.

“Courtney,” the girl replied, tentatively accepting the hand extended out to her.

Formalities out of the way, Bianca turned her attention back to Shangela and asked if she wanted to join her lunch. “Absolutely,” she chirped back.

As the two prepared to set out to the dining hall, Courtney called out brightly, “Mind if I follow you? I’m a bit hungry after all that unpacking.”

“Of course, doll face. More the merrier,” came the immediate response from Bianca. It was common courtesy after all, especially for a new student, yet as the trio departed, Bianca couldn’t help but notice another brief stony look passing over Shangela’s face. Though she happily accepted Courtney’s presence, chatting cheerfully with her the entire way, that one second of jealousy flaring up again had Bianca’s heart racing. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling the entire walk over, though precious little of it had to do with the conversation at hand.

While they ate their meal and gossiped about life on campus, Bianca thought to herself, ‘Perhaps I really am getting through to her.’

*******

The rest of the day was filled with lazy chatter as the girls returned back to Shangela and Courtney’s room. The three got along easily and there was no lack of topics to discuss. As Courtney finished the last of her unpacking and Bianca excused herself for the night, the trio exchanged a promise to meet up tomorrow for a tour of the campus. There were a number of places to show her before classes started again the following week and Bianca was all too happy to tag along with Shangela, and of course her new friend, as they walked around the bright and bustling campus. But perhaps her favorite part of the excursion was when they finally made it to the school’s greenhouse. The proud smile on Shangela’s face as she showed off her work was like nothing Bianca had ever seen before.

Just something about seeing her totally immersed in her element brought out a hidden beauty that Bianca felt more than privileged to witness. It was a sight she’d want to remember for the rest of her life.

And one look at Courtney upon entering the greenhouse for the first time, assured Bianca that she was just as passionate about her power as Shangela. She immediately ran over to investigate all of the unusual plants but she didn’t quite dare touch them…at least not yet.

It was like a new wave of energy filled the two of them as they basked in all the greenhouse had to offer.

But the most memorable part of their visit, at least for Bianca, was when Shangela’s hand captured her own as they watched Courtney exploring the grounds. A sense of relaxation like she’d never experienced before washed over her and an exuberant grin could barely be contained on her lips.

The rest of the week sped by in a blissful blur with Bianca replaying that moment on an endless loop. There was only one more day left before classes would begin and of course the three intended to spend it together. It was as they waited for the dining hall to open for lunch that Bianca and Shangela took the opportunity to lecture Courtney on what to expect with her classes. They warned her of what teachers to avoid if possible and what classes were an absolute ‘must’ to take. They caught her up on some of the latest gossip, student-related or otherwise. But perhaps the most valuable insight into her future campus life was provided by Shangela.

As plant elementals, she and others like her were responsible for taking care of the school grounds. Mostly this just involved regrowing the grass after sparring matches or during certain lessons related to portal studies. As a mandatory part of the curriculum, Courtney was told, every student is required to take classes in both portal theory and practical lab work, with the latter focusing on how to open and close portals. Though the staff did their best to monitor student’s work as they mixed the powders and potions, inevitably there were bound to be a few mishaps. Often this resulted in a small explosion or fire, so this part of the lab work was conducted outside in the warmer months. And in order to keep the school grounds looking lush and healthy, the plant elementals were called on to repair the damage at once.

“And this one fool tried mixing everything together all at once,” Shangela explained through a fit of laughter, “but he didn’t even get the measurements right! He scorched the field till there was nothing left but ash!”

At this point, the other girls were laughing along, particularly Bianca as she recalled seeing that student the next day with most of his eyebrows missing. Shangela had to stop herself as she caught her breath and struggled to regain control of her cracking voice. Her sides ached from the laughter and the only way she could keep herself upright was by leaning heavily into Bianca. Finally after finding some ounce of restraint, Shangela concluded the story with, “We ended up working for hours to get that grass looking right again. Even now you can still see a patch where the color’s a bit off.”

“Oh my god,” Courtney chuckled, “What the hell was he thinking?”

“I don’t know, girl,” Shangela replied with a shake of her head, “but I’ll bet he’ll never try that shit again!”

Scoffing, Bianca added in, “I’d hope not. Took him weeks to grow his eyebrows back. And the teachers still talk about that fuck up in all of their classes!”

“They sure do,” Shangela agreed, smile still ever present on her lips. In a softer tone now that things had quieted down, she addressed Courtney once more, “But seriously, though, that’s how you’ll be doing a lot of your practical work round here. There’s other things you can do on your own in the greenhouse but as far as Ru and Michelle are concerned; we’re the landscapers.” Her voice held a tint of sadness, one that suggested that she’d love to be able to do more but as Bianca knew all too well; the school’s staff loved to keep the students on relatively tight leash. After all, they had to manage a bunch of superpowered teens and keeping them all under control, however little there might be, was no easy task. Especially as they bring in new students twice a year, which is more than most other schools could boast.

“There’s really nothing else they allow us to do?” Courtney complained.

“Well…not exactly ‘allowed’,” Shangela conceded, picking at her nails. “They just don’t really know what to do with us, I think. I mean, most of our samples in the greenhouse are donated. Even the ones that don’t come from another world. Finding something new to study is kinda rare here…but maybe we can change that. Michelle can be pretty open minded given a good reason…who knows?”

She offered a consoling smile to her roommate but even Courtney could see she didn’t entirely believe her own words. She had hopes of coming here and becoming truly immersed in study and experimentation with other plant elementals…not being reduced to just a gardener. If that was all she had to look forward to, how was this place any different than what she left back home? The only response she could give on this subject was a murmur of discontent, “Mmm.”

Trying to brighten the mood once again, Shangela slapped on another bright grin and advised her, “Don’t worry. You’ll find something, sooner or later. Everyone does.”

Skeptical, Courtney glanced over to Bianca and inquired, “B?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Bianca let out a noise of moderate agreement, “Ehh…probably.”

Almost immediately, she felt Shangela’s elbow jabbing her in her side and a mildly scolding look present on her face. “What?” she argued, rubbing at the area that had just been poked, “Should I lie?”

“Yes!”

The pair spiraled into a round of bickering as Courtney sat back on her bed and watched in amusement. Bianca wholeheartedly defended her position of telling the truth while Shangela accused her of just being lazy and cynical. About two minutes into their debate (showing no signs of stopping), Courtney heard a knock on the door. Likely just a neighbor asking them to keep it down, she figured, and slid off the bed to handle the situation.

Bianca watched from the corner of her eye but the vast majority of her attention was on Shangela’s animated arguing. There was something oddly enjoyable about getting her riled up, especially given how infrequently it seemed to happen. Very little of her wanted to end the discussion so soon but Courtney’s voice cut past theirs as she called out, “Shange?”

Halting their argument for the time being, Shangela turned around towards the door and within moments a startled gasp passed her lips. Standing just beyond Courtney was a nervous brunette Bianca had never seen before, at least as far as she could recall. She figured it was likely a new student but before her mind could wander too far, the unknown visitor spoke softly, “Hey, girl…”

A squeal echoed through the room as a wide, toothy grin overtook Shangela’s face. She barely seemed able to contain herself as she rushed over and yelled out in excitement, “Alyssa?!? Oh my god! I can’t believe you’re here! What happened?”

“Powers came in. Ganja’s too-” It felt like the world slipped into a fog as Bianca struggled to pay attention to what was being said only a few feet away from her. A possessive knot formed in the pit of her stomach as she watched Shangela so blatantly fawn over this stranger in her doorway. Clearly they knew each other somehow but for the life of her, she never once heard Shangela mention anyone named Alyssa.

Yet something about the girl seemed familiar…like she’d seen her somewhere else before…Maybe a photo at some point?

Shangela did love to display pictures around her room but there was no way to subtly look at all of them right now. Instead, Bianca forced herself to walk over in an attempt to snap herself back to reality. It seemed like she was just a second away from standing at Shangela’s side before the girl in question gave in to a long suppressed desire to reach out and hug her friend.

Alyssa spotted the action right away and a worried look flashed across her face. Immediately she was blurting out, “Oh, wait! Don’t-” but it was too late.

The second Shangela’s skin brushed against Alyssa’s, a visible jolt of electricity sparked up between them and fizzled out a moment later. Shangela’s hand sharply recoiled back but whether or not it was actually painful or simply a surprise was left open for debate. Regardless, she was startled by the events and didn’t quite know what to make of it.

A sick twisted feeling of satisfaction ran through Bianca but she tried her hardest to ignore it, at least for now. She knew all too well what it meant and a small part of her hated herself for being that petty and jealous over her friend.

“Sorry…” Alyssa spoke regretfully, “Should have told you sooner…I can’t really touch anyone right now.”

A wave of sympathy washed over Shangela and Courtney’s faces but only Bianca remained stony and blank in her expression. She eyed up the girl in front of her, clearly ashamed by something she couldn’t control and struggling to keep herself from backing away. Bianca wanted to feel empathy for her, wanted to feel some kind of way other than happy at the turn of events but no matter how hard she searched…she just couldn’t find any trace of those emotions…not for Alyssa.

Regardless, Shangela was clearly all too happy to see her friend and brushing aside that new revelation, she let out a soft sigh and told her genuinely, ”'Lyss…I’m so glad you’re here.” A smile found its way back to Alyssa’s lips and widened even further as she heard, “Come on in. And where’s Ganja?“

A laugh echoed in her voice as she gratefully accepted the subject change and replied back, “Girl, who knows? Bitch disappears every time you turn around.”

Bianca’s body felt like it had gone on autopilot as Alyssa entered the room and took a place next to Shangela on her bed. The conversation quickly turned into something more generic and soon Courtney was happily chirping away as she asked Alyssa a few questions of her own. Every so often Bianca would chime in as well but she felt oddly distracted by studying the pair in front of her. They sat close together, almost so that they were touching, but as a few stray fingers or brush of their thighs quickly confirmed; Alyssa’s powers were still very much in effect. Regardless of whatever shock she might receive, Shangela remained undeterred and sat faithfully by Alyssa’s side. It was all she could do not continue fawning and cooing over the girl that had now invaded their social group.

A heavy sense of mistrust and bitterness swept through Bianca’s core and try as she might, whether it be by simply trying to will away the feeling or rationalize it, Bianca just couldn’t get over herself. She wanted to be the one next to Shangela again. She wanted to be the one Shangela would throw herself at.

It wasn’t fair that after how hard Bianca had worked, some random girl who Shangela never mentioned , could just come in and undo all of that.

More than anything Bianca wanted to storm away. Just storm off and give herself time to think but pride held her in place. After all, they had plans together that day and she’d be damned before she gave those up. Even with Alyssa tagging along.

********

The coming days proved to be no better for Bianca’s temperament. If anything, it made things worse. Now, not only had Alyssa joined their group, but so had another girl; Laganja. This one was a terror all on her own. Bianca never bothered to try to learn her proper name. In fact, she wanted very little to do with this loud, obnoxious and over-the-top personality. But the sad fact was, she and Alyssa went almost hand in hand. Strange that Shangela got along so well with her.

But then again, now that Bianca had noticed, Shangela seemed to have gotten a bit more extroverted too, at least around these girls. Somehow they all seemed to click and bring out this bright and bubbly behavior in each other. More than Bianca had seen from Shangela before.

Sure, Shangela always looked happy around her, but that was in a more subdued, thoughtful manner. This was more in the way of a childlike, carefree kind of happy. One where nothing else matters in the world; all you needed was your friends and you could find some way to have a good time. It was almost…innocent.

It might even have been cute if not for the two people causing it.

But as Alyssa and Laganja made themselves more permanent in the group, Bianca couldn’t help but feel like she was slowly being pushed aside.

Though Shangela always made time for her, it just wasn’t the same as it had been only a few weeks ago. Her attention wasn’t as focused on Bianca as it had been prior to these new girls moving in. Even in the first few days of Alyssa’s arrival, Bianca’s casual flirting, especially if directed at Courtney, would still warrant a quick glance from Shangela…It never failed to capture her attention, even if just for a moment. That had given Bianca hope that this thing with Alyssa was just a novelty, just temporary.

But then after a few weeks went by, Shangela just stopped responding all together. True, Bianca might have engaged a little too frequently in these conversations with Courtney. Maybe in the hopes of getting some kind of notice out of Shangela. But it never meant anything to her. They never pursued it further, or even talked about it like it was a possibility! If anything, it was just second nature for them for them to flirt. Like a shared language.

But it always caught Shangela’s attention! Bianca could count on her listening in, even as she pretended she wasn’t. She’d watch the two from the corner of her eye, almost as if to reassure herself that nothing physical was taking place. It was like a routine, something Bianca could always count on and then Shangela just…stopped.

It was like she didn’t care anymore.

Maybe she finally understood that nothing would ever come out of it but deep down, Bianca had deeper fears regarding the change. She tried to bury that feeling, to tell herself she was just being paranoid, but very little helped to soothe her concerns.

It was like being punched in the gut, stabbed through the heart, and smacked upside the head all at once.

She simply just felt miserable and wanted to be alone, at least for a little while.

All she could think to do right now was find some kind of distraction. Maybe after a break, she could think about things differently…maybe Shangela would, too. But as she searched through club offerings one afternoon, she felt her heart sink even lower. Nothing seemed to interest her, she’d much rather spend her afternoons with Shangela and Courtney. All these extracurriculars being offered just seemed boring and flat in comparison.

The only one that even remotely caught her attention was the theater club. She didn’t have an interest in appearing on the stage but at least working behind the scenes was likely to keep her busy. And it would keep her well away from the greenhouse and the dormitories for now.

As soon as she joined, she was set to work fixing up some minor damages to the costumes. She found she actually rather enjoyed repairing them. There was something satisfying in making a tear completely disappear or reattaching some minor decoration so that the outfit looked brand new again. Before long, she was even able to assist in making the outfits from scratch. Sure, it took a bit longer that way but seeing an idea come to life from pencil and paper to a real life piece of clothing was incredible. It made her feel like she was actually doing something productive…

Of course, her powers did help quite a bit. Often, as she found out, the director or even the actor had some kind of idea of the outfit they wanted to see. But most often, they didn’t know how to explain or even draw it. So after a quick jaunt into their minds, Bianca could see just what it was that they wanted created. And with a few touches of her own, she was able to bring those ideas into reality. Soon, the cast and stage crew wanted to work exclusively with her, because she would always know exactly what they wanted, even if they never really understood how.

It was nice to feel wanted again. Hell, she’d even go so far as to say ‘needed’.

Every so often her mind would wander back to her friends, particularly after spending a few lunches on her own trying to finish up a new design, and she’d remember to make time for them as well. But after a few outings, she realized that more often than not, she was simply miserable as she left them. Particularly if Shangela and Alyssa happened to be in the group as well.

Seeing them together, as Bianca soon discovered, would often reopen those old wounds, ones she thought she was working past.

The first outing started off friendly enough; she’d hadn’t really hung out with them for almost two weeks and figured it was safe to try seeing them again. Surely by now they’d have settled into a comfortable routine and Shangela would be all too happy to see her again. Something about absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

But as they all hung out, just something casual in the common area of the dormitory, Bianca caught hints of a new development. It wasn’t obvious at first, she wasn’t even quite sure what was different…Then towards the end of the night, it hit her.

Shangela and Alyssa were sitting next to each other, that much wasn’t so strange now, but what was new was that they were actually touching one another!

It wasn’t very blatant or showy; just their legs knocking against the other person’s after a catty remark or their hands brushing past the other’s skin as they reached out for something…but beneath that, there was something more. A sort of hidden meaning loaded into each instance of the brief contact. Every so often they’d share a glance; one of shy pride and another of genuine encouragement and reassurance. It was small, probably unnoticed by everyone else, but Bianca saw.

She wondered what that meant for them…what it meant for her and Shangela.

She hadn’t entirely given up hope just yet.

The look of joy on Shangela’s face after such a long absence sent her heart into a frenzy. She’d almost forgotten how enamored she was with Shangela’s smile, especially when directed at her alone. It was almost enough to allow her to tolerate or even welcome Alyssa’s presence…at least until she took notice of that recent change. At the beginning of the night, it was almost like she was on a high and simply enjoyed spending time with Shangela and her friends once more but as they all departed for the evening; her mind was consumed by that revelation.

She replayed every little instance, very nearly obsessing over it and trying to interpret the meaning. But she always came up empty handed. For as much as she thought about it, she never really settled on an answer.

The only thing she knew for certain was that she didn’t like it. Nor did she care for the way her stomach twisted in on itself long into the night.

But then again after another week and thinking she had finally worked past it, she tried hanging out with them once more. It proved to have no better results than before.

Slowly but surely with every visit, Alyssa and Shangela grew more comfortable letting their fingers glide over one another’s skin or leaning into one another as they watched TV on the couch. They would even hold hands beneath the table or behind their chairs until someone else noticed and they’d quickly separate.

That’s not to say Shangela was no longer physically affectionate towards Bianca…but that too had changed now that she had taken notice.

Shangela no longer made it a point to sit next to her. Hugs were brief and far more scattered. And tracing her fingers absently across Bianca’s arm or legs? Almost nonexistent at this point.

All of it left her feeling more and more miserable as the weeks went by until the final blow came almost a full six months since Alyssa’s arrival.

Quietly but confidently, they announced to their friends that they had officially begun dating. The news was met with excitement, even shock on Laganja’s part (not too surprising there) but as for Bianca? Her reaction held a sharp contrast.

Outwardly she offered a wide, if somewhat tense smile. She gave them her congratulations and listened patiently as others fawned over the girls. Inside however, she was seething.

She was angry and hurt and wanted nothing more than just to punch something! She wanted to march up to Shangela and demand an explanation. To hear straight from her mouth why she chose Alyssa over her. What Alyssa could offer that she couldn’t. And…why Shangela just gave up on her.

They’d been so close and Bianca knows Shangela felt the same as her!

But why hadn’t she made a move? Even when Bianca was sending out hints whenever she could?

What made Alyssa so special?

All of these questions and more flooded Bianca’s mind. Very little of whatever else happened that day stuck with her as she poured through every one of these thoughts. It gave her no peace, even as she buried herself in theater work, usually a faithful distraction.

For several days she continued on like this with her anger refusing to abate. Every time she thought about Shangela and Alyssa or godforbid, saw them, she felt a miserable hatred burning in her chest.

Every so often she’d get so frustrated with herself that she’d abandoned whatever she was working on and sequester herself to her room. She made stupid mistakes while sewing or answered her homework completely incorrectly. Even attempts at using her powers during tests was not without its issues.

As she tried to search her mind for notes relating to the subject, she’d easily become distracted thinking about Shangela. It took all her strength to focus herself on the task at hand and not wander off on some Shangela related tangent. The teachers even noted that she was taking longer to complete the tests than before…almost requiring the full time block to make it through all of the questions and essays.

And they weren’t the only ones to notice that something was off. Courtney in particular showed additional concern for her friend. Their conversations had become simple and one dimensional. Most of the time, Bianca’s comments remained flat and emotionless; a far cry from her usual routine of alternating between snarky and flirty. Courtney tried a few cautious inquiries but it was pretty obvious, especially given Bianca’s now infamous glare, that she was not interested in talking about whatever was bothering her.

So Courtney just let her sulk…but not on her own.

She made it a point to still visit Bianca in the theater department, to still talk to her and not let her seclude herself for too long. There was resistance at first, that was to be expected, but gradually Bianca came to understand that she was not going away any time soon.

Though the majority of Courtney’s free time was spent in the greenhouse doing god knows what, Bianca could count on her popping up backstage to talk with her every few days or pulling her out into the nearest town on weekends for some fun. Though it took a bit of goading or bribing to get her to be social with their friends, Bianca ultimately appreciated the effort. No one else was really going to those same lengths…certainly not Shangela.

By now her temper had mostly evened out. Yes, she was still angry but it was more of an afterthought in the back of her mind than an all consuming hatred and loathing like it had been before. She was able to focus on other activities, theater work being the center, but even when she thought of Shangela, Alyssa or the two of them together, it was largely just sadness and dejection that came to the forefront of her thoughts.

Begrudgingly, she accepted that this was the new norm. She still hurt but she could function.

It wasn’t her first choice to see them right now but she could handle it. She knew enough to be civil and polite.

Courtney even managed to surprise her by asking again one day, “Want to talk about it now?”

She really didn’t but part of her felt like she owed some kind of explanation to Courtney, especially after so faithfully staying by her side. But in true Bianca fashion, she just shrugged her shoulders and continued pinning her latest creation to the mannequin in front of her.

Taking that as the closest thing to an affirmative answer as she’ll get, Courtney asked softly, “Are you doing okay, like honestly?”

“It’s not…fun,” Bianca replied with a bitter undertone, “But I’ll manage.”

Courtney let out a soft hum of disapproval and scolded lightly, “Bianca…”

“Really.” Bianca said, forcing a bit of tense laughter into her voice, “I’m fine. It hurts but I’m fine.” Turning her head to look directly at her friend, she assured her, “I promise.”

A soft sigh of relent or maybe relief passed from Courtney’s lips and quickly she settled back into her seat to watch Bianca work. About five minute of silence swept by but there was a little nagging question on Bianca’s mind. Sparing a glance back up to Courtney, she inquired, “Not gonna ask what it’s about?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Courtney simply noted passively, “You’ll tell me if you want to. I think I know though.”

“Oh?”

There was a moment’s pause but then Courtney guessed with a soft confidence, “Shangie.”

Bianca paused in her work for a few seconds. Her fingers twitched just slightly at the name but she doubted Courtney even had a good enough view to see that. She almost wanted to ask how Courtney guessed it so quickly but the girl had already proven herself to be quite observant. Though she might not always comment on things, she did take notice, especially if it involved one of her friends. As if sensing Bianca’s unspoken question, Courtney explained her reasoning with a bittersweet smile, “You don’t come by our room any more or the greenhouse. And whenever we have lunch, you don’t really look at them.” Moving from her seat, she took a place next to Bianca, leaning her head on her shoulder and running a sympathetic hand across her back as she asked quietly, “That’s why you stay here, right? So you don’t see them.”

Bianca gave a tense swallow, surprised by how much the mention of Shangela still hurt, even coming from Courtney. There was a quick nod to her head, subtle but enough for Courtney to notice. Pressing a fleeting kiss to her cheek, she whispered sincerely, “I’m sorry, B.”

A rueful smile appeared on Bianca’s lips as she pulled away from the grasp to continue her work. Before completely resuming her activities, she muttered a grateful, “Thanks.”

Courtney nodded her head, unseen by Bianca as she solely focused back on her project, and let another quiet noise of empathy. As she turned back to sit down again, she offered a final suggestion, “Maybe you should talk to her though. Might help.” A vague grumble echoed into the space between them, strongly indicating Bianca had little intention of following that advice. But whether or not she did, Courtney felt obligated to add in one final statement, “I know she misses you.”

There was another pause in Bianca’s working, if only for a moment, but then like nothing had happened, she was back in action at tailoring this latest design. Though on the surface she looked entirely occupied by the task at hand, her mind was actually a disjointed mess. Questions popped up endlessly and very little had to do with her theater work. She wondered about Courtney’s statement; if Shangela really did miss her. She had no doubt Courtney believed in her own words but as for how Shangela actually feels? Well…Bianca’s been wrong about that before.

But still she couldn’t help but muse over the possibility and later that night she decided to find out on her own.

It was late. No one was in the hallway and many were already asleep as Bianca stood outside Courtney and Shangela’s door. They were both still awake with at least one more guest in the room by the sound of it but Bianca had no interest in that. She needed to be close enough to Shangela to enter her mind and this distance was just enough before she would have to start pushing herself to establish and maintain a connection. She didn’t intend to keep this going for very long, just enough to find what she needed. So before anyone else could wander from their rooms and spot her; Bianca dove in.

It was still a tangled mess like before except perhaps now there were even more threads running off at once. Perhaps that’s because she was actively thinking this time around. Regardless, Bianca had a mission and was not going to pause in order to wonder about useless theories. She expected to have to dig through Shangela’s memory in order to find some trace of herself. After all it’d been awhile since they’d really seen each other; there was nothing recent to really go off of. Yet to her surprise, all on its own sat a memory of her. There was just a vague thin trace of thread connecting her to the present conversation but it was there!

As if somehow, even if she weren’t the topic, part of Shangela’s mind was still thinking about her at this point in time.

That thought left Bianca feeling weird, conflicted. She wasn’t entirely sure what all she was feeling, just that it was something. Something that still made her stomach twist.

But she could worry about that later. She found the starting point she needed and that was what mattered. Now to just push things along…

It only took a gentle nudge before a flurry of other memories appeared from this one thought. Like Shangela was trying to bury it but then a light tap in the right direction released everything she had tried to hold back. A slew of threads appeared, far more than last time, all running in different directions. But even the look of them seemed to be different. Most were of the same size, smaller than what she’d seen before and almost certainly different. One however looked a bit familiar.

Bianca was holding her breath as she reached out to touch it. It was one of the thicker strands, more solid than the others and certainly more apparent than it had been the last time she’d seen it.

It was attraction.

Shangela wanted to be with Bianca, to be by her side laughing once again. But since that wasn’t an option, instead she focused on remembering and holding on to the most recent interactions with her as though it would provide some kind of comfort. At her core, she just wanted some kind of clue as to Bianca’s current state, to know that she was alright. But a major difference this time and last was that the strand was almost fused with another…longing.

There was a kind of sad curiosity attached to the attraction. As if Shangela desperately wanted to know why Bianca had stopped visiting and why she wasn’t reaching out. It was miserable. Much like how Bianca had felt when she first started to seclude herself. The feeling made her eyes burn and very quickly she released that thread.

She took a moment to collect herself and then moved on to perhaps the thickest strand. It was blatant on her first glance but Bianca avoided it in favor of what seemed familiar. But now she had to know. If it was so thick and so solid, it had to be important. Bracing herself, she gave it the lightest touch and instantly a singular emotion flooded in; hurt.

It was overwhelming enough that Bianca released the strand for a moment to steady herself again. And then she investigated…

From that one thick strand grew into several others further on as they separated into singular memories. There was a moment of hesitation before Bianca dared to follow some of them and the answer she found shook her to the core. The most recent ones focused on her abandonment of their friend group. She was hurt that Bianca had left without a warning, that she continued to stay away with hardly a word or glance. But as Bianca dug deeper down this path, she found strands that were bigger and almost burning to the touch as the emotion tied to them stung just a little more pointedly.

It was memories of Bianca flirting. With Courtney…with Raja…even some other girl whose name Bianca could not recall. Some of these, particularly with the latter two, were events that Bianca had not realized Shangela had even seen. She was so used to trading playful, suggestive comments with Raja that she never actively thought about it. Not like she had with Courtney where it had been more intentional to her. And the other girl? That was so long ago Bianca could scarcely recall her…they only shared a class or two last year so it must have been shortly after meeting Shangela…Why would she still be so hurt by that?

But holding onto that strand was taking its toll on her. She felt more and more drained the longer she looked and certainly by now, she had seen all that she needed to with this emotion. But now for some of the others…unlike last time, she wanted to be more thorough and it was helped by the realization that there were less strands than before…thicker, but certainly fewer. This time she would not leave any forgotten.

Still it took more time than she anticipated to look through all of them. Some were simple emotions only connected to one or two instances, others were stronger and connected to several. All were understandable and reasonable to Bianca’s mind. But perhaps the one that stuck out to Bianca more, at least than the rest, also connected her back to Alyssa…only this time she recognized it as Alyssa.

This memory…she had seen it before, she knew she had, but how.

Then it hit her…

The first time she had gone into Shangela’s mind and investigated the thread linking her to past crushes, she had watched some of these scenes mashed together into one memory block. It was Shangela’s (likely) favorite memories of a girl she knew from another town, clearly Alyssa, now that Bianca cared enough to recognize her. But this time it wasn’t linked by attraction or even anything so overtly happy. It was a sort of bittersweet emotion that came with these memories, at least when juxtapositioned with thoughts of Bianca. There were still strands of attachment and fondness connecting elsewhere but when tied to memories of her time with Bianca…it was as if Shangela were drawing comparisons between the two and noting key differences…differences that had her feeling strangely happy and unhappy at the same time.

This realization left Bianca feeling cold and alone now and without another thought now that her mission was completed, she left Shangela’s mindscape and wandered back to her own room. She laid in bed staring up at the ceiling as she tried to sort through all that she had found. Unlike before, there was a lot of unhappiness in these memories, at least for right now. Undoubtedly Shangela was hurting too. Not just from Bianca’s absence but also the events leading up to it. But even with that last look at Shangela’s favorite memories of Alyssa, it confirmed there was something else special about their relationship.

Those pre-existing feelings she had for Alyssa never disappeared. The only way they changed was that had grown stronger…whereas Shangela’s feelings towards Bianca? Well it was clear now that how she and Bianca felt about each other no longer matched. Shangela had moved on. Sure, she was hurt by those instances of Bianca’s flirting but it didn’t occur to her to confront Bianca on them, not even to try talking about it. Instead she just turned her attention back to a previous crush that had popped up out of the blue.

Would things have gone differently if Alyssa never showed up? Might she have even fought for Bianca, for what they could’ve had?

Pointless questions Bianca knew, but she couldn’t help but wonder.

Her heart hurt now that she had her answer but it was a new kind of hurt. With time she might even understand it and certainly will move past it, but again…it’ll just take time. Yet knowing that Shangela was unhappy was a strange comfort…maybe she could try making an effort again?

A small one for now…but that can wait until tomorrow.

*******

Days flew by, turning weeks into months but things had finally settled into a new normal. Bianca did reach out to Shangela and soon they were able to rekindle their friendship. It took some getting used to the new boundaries but Bianca tried to respect them. She was more distant now but she had begrudgingly come to accept Alyssa as part of her life if she wanted to continue being friends with Shangela. The girl could be quite entertaining at times, exasperating too, but Bianca was learning to appreciate her.

Laganja was another story however. Small doses were best, Bianca came to realize.

Despite the renewal of their relationship, Bianca’s commitment to her theater work did not change. She still spent the majority of her time working on new projects for each production but it was no longer to escape thinking about other events. She enjoyed her work even if it left her occupied most afternoons and nights.

Courtney was an ever present fixture backstage, visiting more regularly than before, even with her discovery of a reappearing portal deep in the woods that kept leaving little presents for her and the other plant elementals. She’d often stop by after she finished her work in the greenhouse in order to walk back to the dormitories with Bianca. As she waited, she would describe whatever she was working on or what new piece of gossip she overheard in hallways or at lunch. Often during these visits a small smile could be found resting on Bianca’s lips, especially as she pounced to the opportunity to interject a catty or witty remark.

The pair bounced ideas off one another until Bianca found a good stopping point and then they’d continue the conversation back in one of their bedrooms or common space. It was nice having someone to talk to regularly, Bianca noted. Though she still tried to talk with Shangela at least once a day, usually it was via text as she, Alyssa and occasionally Laganja would head off into town for some extra fun to add a little spice to an otherwise routine campus life.

Overall, Bianca had grown content. There was a part of her that still stung but it was dull and easily ignored with the right distractions. She was simply grateful that she was still able to keep Shangela in her life, at a respectable distance of course. At times however, she did have to admit she missed having that connection with someone.

Someone she could look forward to seeing every day even if it was just to bitch about school work. She just wanted to have a companion that was special to her in the same way Shangela had been, whether it’d end up being romantic or not.

Though she wouldn’t say it out loud…she was a bit lonely. Even though she loved her friends, those relationships just couldn’t provide what she was looking for. Every now and then she wondered who might be enough for her but then decided that ultimately, it was something best left untouched for now.

It’ll likely happen in the future, she reasoned, so why stress over it now? She had plenty to keep her occupied. And as she set to work on her theater group’s latest set of costumes, yet another batch of new students arrived at the school.

Bianca had studiously ignored the last group of arrivals, finding that once again, she had no danger of acquiring a new roommate. Besides, she had plenty of other things on her mind at the time. However, during this latest round of open house, Bianca found herself vaguely aware of everyone moving in. She wasn’t sure if there were actually more students this time around or if it was just poorly organized, but the dormitories were definitely more crowded.

Louder too, she noted bitterly.

So Bianca took to doing her homework inside the theater until everything quieted down. Should only be a week or two, she figured. Aside from that, she was utterly uninspired in the start of the new semester.

Courtney however, made friends very quickly with some of the new arrivals. She invited a few to eat lunch with her, as she later told Bianca, and hinted rather strongly that Bianca might enjoy meeting some of them. All that suggestion earned her was a blank stare, a short scoff, and then Bianca turning back around once more to continue sewing.

Courtney tried that tactic last semester and it didn’t work then.

Sure as hell not going to work now, Bianca thought as her lips curled with a hint of smirk.

But unlike last time, or perhaps because of it, Courtney took matters into her own hands and pushed Bianca to be social. Namely by bringing some of her new friends down to the theater to meet her.

Bianca’s glare towards Courtney was just short of scathing as her friend proudly announced her presence and that of two others. A mischievous little glint in Courtney’s eyes annoyed her even further, especially now that it was paired with the smuggest smirk Bianca had ever seen, at least on someone besides herself.

Begrudgingly she left her work station and approached the group of girls standing in the doorway. In her best attempt at being civil, she introduced herself and waited impatiently for the mandatory pleasantries to finally be over.

“I’m Alaska,” said the bean pole of a girl standing before her. Bianca gave her a skeptical look as she added in shyly, “Fire elemental.”

“Right,” Bianca drawled out slowly. How Courtney found this one she could only guess. Disregarding that thought, Bianca shifted her focus to the other girl. But as she turned to look at her more directly, Bianca found that she had inexplicably disappeared. She was sure the girl had been standing there just a few seconds ago, staring all around the room with wide eyes, no less.

Where could she have gone so quickly?

Then from somewhere behind her, she heard a voice asking, “Whoa, did you draw this?”

Brows knitting together, Bianca spun around to find that girl hovering over her work station, rifling through all of her sketches! A flash of irritation shot through her core as she tensely answered, “Yeah. They’re for the next production.”

Beaming brightly at Bianca, the girl insisted, “They’re amazing! I can’t believe you made these! I mean, they look so professional.”

As the last syllable filled the room, Bianca felt a sense of pride and something strange rising to her heart. The girl’s words were honest, that was clear to see, and simply knowing that left Bianca feeling light and well, happy. Much more than someone simply playing lip service or trying to be polite.

A cautious smile spread across her face as she replied back calmly, “Thanks…What’s your name, sweetheart?”

Somehow the stranger’s smile grew even brighter and in an instant she was gone from sight. If Bianca hadn’t seen it herself, she would’ve thought it was just a trick of the eyes but in just a second, the girl appeared directly in front of her, that same smile now looking almost as smug as Courtney’s as she answered with a hint of playful laughter, “Adore.”

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aliceslantern · 5 years ago

Text

Retribution, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 8

Newly a person again, Ienzo is weighed down by guilt and his humanity. He's prepared to do whatever it takes to atone... only to find unexpected solace in a familiar face. With more insight into the bonds between people than ever before, Ienzo reaches for a dangerous element from the past to help Kairi and Riku in their search for Sora. What is his life if it means saving another, brighter light?

Chapter summary: Ienzo and Demyx grow closer, and this has an unexpected effect on Ienzo's power.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

At least time with Demyx was forgiving. Time he didn't have to worry about anything other than being Ienzo. He listened to Demyx play sitar, a lulling song that threatened to ease him into sleep.

"You doing okay?"

"I'm enjoying your song," he said simply. "Do go on."

It shifted, becoming a little warmer, more whimsical, the tempo more upbeat, Ienzo thought he heard longing within it, desire. He exhaled slowly, his heart starting to catch. "You could have just asked, if you wanted to kiss me," he said dryly.

"I wanted to be romantic. Sue me."

He laughed a little. "It is nice, to be appreciated. Yes. Maybe I should make you work harder."

Demyx's smile was more of a smirk. He let the sitar fade and leaned over to kiss him.

It was fascinating, how quickly they'd become accustomed to one another. Demyx pulled his hands through Ienzo's hair. Ienzo moved closer. There was no space between them anymore, and the feeling of Demyx's strong, lean body had him again coming up on that point where feelings bled into each other. Ienzo gave permission to himself to stop thinking for a few moments, helped along greatly by the way Demyx kissed him, his tongue moving so nicely. Maybe he had done this before--or was simply talented. He responded eagerly, running his hands along Demyx's back, feeling at the smooth, wiry muscles. The want was back, and stronger. Maybe this time his body would actually let him enjoy things, rather than forcing him to a point of anxiety.

One way to find out.

Ienzo pulled away from the kiss and settled into Demyx's lap, not quite straddling him considering he was still sitting. "Is this alright?"

His face was flushed. "More than."

"Good. Do tell me--if it ever isn't."

"And you too." He kissed him again, more deeply than before, and Ienzo's heart was racing. He settled down against Demyx more comfortably, looping his arms around his shoulders. Demyx pulled away from the kiss and instead trailed down Ienzo's jaw and throat, a curiously electric sensation that he examined with interest. He could feel it happening again, his dick hardening, though it was less jarring now than before. It was hard to reciprocate like this. One of Demyx's hands reached up to the buttons at the top of Ienzo's shirt--

He jerked as though he'd been shocked.

"I'm sorry," Demyx said. "I'm so sorry."

The pleasure was rapidly giving way to an anxiety, but not overstimulation. "It's not that," he said slowly. "I… how to put this. I have a scar."

He cocked his head slightly. "I think we all do."

"The implications of it are rather gruesome. Not at all… attractive."

Demyx frowned. "I don't follow."

"From my Nobody's death," he said thickly. He took a deep breath. "Here. Let me--"

"You don't have to--"

"It'll happen sooner or later. Best now than then." His hands were shaking so hard he could barely undo the buttons. It was… odd, to slide off his shirt in front of another person. He felt exposed on multiple levels and couldn't meet Demyx's eyes.

"Oh," he said softly. "Oh, Ienzo."

"Believe it or not, this is better than it was," he said. "It was originally… much more bruised."

Demyx almost looked as if he would touch it. He looked more concerned than repulsed, which was surprising. "Can I ask--how?"

He nodded. "In Castle Oblivion… Axel had the Riku replica strangle me. The darkness… held me fast, and cut into me all around, like a noose." He shuddered.

Demyx touched his shoulder. "That's awful. Are you okay?"

"I do have… nightmares," he admitted. "And I cannot bear to be backed into corners."

He thought about this for a moment. "Can I touch it?" He asked.

Ienzo braced himself, and nodded. He thought the feeling of hands on his throat might be triggering, but Demyx avoided his windpipe, tracing the scar gently with his fingers. The scratch of his calluses against the hypersensitive skin chased away the rest of his fear. "That does feel nice," he said slowly. He swallowed and felt a lump in his throat. Why was he emotional?

"What about this?" He kissed it once, as though asking for permission, and when Ienzo didn't pull away, he kissed it again, and again.

Ienzo was surprised at the intensity of the sensation. He gasped out loud and felt tension blooming in his stomach. He pulled Demyx a little closer. To feel his hands on Ienzo's bare skin was so beautiful , and for the first time Ienzo was glad they were both here and human. He reached for the hem of Demyx's shirt and likewise felt him tense.

He laughed softly. "While we're trading stories." He slipped off the t-shirt and let it fall.

Ienzo felt more than a little concerned. Demyx had substantially more scarring along his chest than Ienzo did; some of it was old, thin and whitened, but some of it looked new, pink and rippled, particularly near his back, his ribs. "This is what bothers you when you work," Ienzo said. "Is this from--?"

"Golden boy Sora?" He grimaced. "Yeah. It wasn't fun. But the rest… must have come from the time before."

"The trauma you were afraid of," Ienzo realized. "Oh…"

"Not exactly fun and flirty," Demyx said. His eyes were watering, and he blinked hard.

Ienzo touched his face. "This doesn't change how I feel," he said. "If anything…" Being this vulnerable was freeing. "You're so strong."

"Hardly."

" Really ," Ienzo said.

"You're gonna make me cry, Zo."

"What if I did this?" He kissed the scars at his shoulders, for a moment in awe that skin, too, had its own taste. Demyx exhaled, a short, sharp sound.

“That’s good,” he said breathily.

Ienzo kept exploring him. He hadn’t necessarily meant for things to get so hot and heavy, but he found he didn’t mind. He waited for his body to tell him to stop. Perhaps he was used to this feeling of touch by now. They eased down so gently onto the floor, which made it easier to reach the scars lower down. A small sound caught in Demyx’s throat. Knowing he could make someone else feel this good was in itself a reward.

“Zo?”

He looked up.

“You’re kind of--leaning really hard on me.”

He was right; Ienzo wasn’t only letting him take most of his weight, but was also, well, grinding against him. “I suppose there’s more etiquette to this than it seems,” he said breathlessly.

Demyx laughed. “It’s okay. It’s just that the, uh, zipper is kind rubbing right against--”

“...That does not sound pleasant,” he agreed, a flush of embarrassment rising in his face. There was a tick of silence which was more awkward than the last. “Would it help if I took your pants off? Or…” He swallowed. “Is that going too far?”

He touched Ienzo’s face. “You can take them off.”

His heart skipped again. “Okay.” It was clear something more than a kiss was about to happen here. But what? And why did he feel unprepared? It wasn’t as though Demyx wasn’t in the same situation as him in terms of experience. Ienzo’s hands trembled as he struggled to undo the button, the fly. More than a little awkward, to try and ease out of these clothes the way they were positioned. His own slacks, too, seemed much more complicated than normal, and the socks, too. No romance novel he could recall ever mentioned anyone removing socks. Undressing was always made to seem sexy , but it just felt like a chore in actuality. He settled back down against him, remembering to take his weight onto his elbows.

Feeling Demyx’s body so fully against Ienzo’s almost made him feel as though he might combust. He could feel Demyx’s dick through the thin fabric of their underwear, right up against his own, and for a few minutes they just kissed and moved against one another, like tides. Ienzo was getting more insight than ever as to why people bonded so strongly; all of these sensations so lush, and freeing, his body suddenly much more than something dreadingly carried around and taken care of.

He wanted whatever came next. Badly. Demyx kissed his throat, his chest, pulling him still closer until they felt vaguely fused. “Demyx?”

He barely looked up from what he was doing. “What?”

“Can we go further?”

So slowly, he made eye contact.

“Not… not the whole thing. But maybe…”

“Touching?” Demyx offered.

Ienzo nodded. “Would you want that?”

“God, yes.” He cleared his throat. “Are you… ready for that?”

“I don’t feel that same dreadful overstimulation. Not yet.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Demyx kissed him on the mouth, then let go of him as they struggled to remove underwear. The lantern light was dim, but being able to see him fully evoked an emotion that threatened to choke him. “Look at you,” Demyx said softly, running a finger down along Ienzo’s chest.

“I could… say the same.” He’d never been naked in front of someone else--that he could recall, anyway. The sense of exposure, of vulnerability, only tightened the emotion. It was not time to cry. His hands trembled as he touched Demyx's thighs, so slowly gathering the nerve to bring his hand up and touch his dick. The skin was warm, feverish. Demyx moaned a little, a sound that raised the fine hairs on his arms. Ienzo wasn’t quite sure how to do it; his own personal attempts had never been successful. “Like this?”

“More towards the--here.” He adjusted Ienzo’s hand. “See how this feels?” He reached down to take Ienzo’s own dick into his hand, and for a moment the shock of being touched was all he could comprehend, but then he began to notice the subtleties, his palm against the tip of it. Ienzo tried to copy that.

“So you’ve done this before?”

“...To myself.”

Not surprising; it was a normal thing to do. He turned his focus back to his body, on the slow, complex tension building inside of him. It was almost sweet. Already he could feel the urgency of it rising. He’d never consciously felt this way. He pressed a bit harder against Demyx’s palm. He wanted to know everything. This was all so interesting, the way his body felt, and how gratifying it was to also please someone else. Ienzo kissed him softly.

The outside world slid out of focus, and the anxious noise in his mind quieted. This felt almost better than the hand along his dick. Demyx’s other hand tangled in his hair, making Ienzo shiver. To simply be and take this all in made him feel so… human.

The rising sensation was growing tighter, taughter, and needier. He could hear himself gasping.

“Are you close?” Demyx asked breathlessly.

“I think--I’m not entirely sure--”

He was being kissed. There was just silence and, oddly, a sort of peace. Ienzo felt it break over him, a smooth sort of shock, warm and strangely recognizable as the pale shadow that he’d felt during those dreams. He heard a small sound catch in his throat.

So. This was what all the fuss was about.

It did feel so lovely. So natural. The second he had enough control of himself he tightened his grip on Demyx, though it only took another moment or so before he, too, finished, muffling the noise he made against Ienzo’s shoulder.

For a moment all Ienzo could do was lay against him, despite mess. They both tried to gather themselves. He felt tears in his eyes, but was too tired to fight them. It had been a long while since he’d felt cared for. He’d never thought Demyx could be so… gentle, or tender. Ienzo felt as though steel wire had been taken to his heart, scrubbed it raw. At the same time, the sensation was not unpleasant.

“Are you okay?” Demyx asked.

He sniffled. “I’m fine.” The first time in a long while it wasn’t a lie.

Demyx brushed the tear away with one finger. “I know some people don’t, like, believe in virginity,” he said softly.

“I’m one of them, yes. It’s a social construct.”

“...Even so. A first time with someone… isn’t something to treat lightly.” His own voice was scratchy.

“I agree wholeheartedly.” There was no way this was merely physical. He realized he trusted Demyx; how else had he been so physically vulnerable? Was it possible there was more here than desire, than friendship?

Did he want that? Did he need that?

In the moment, and perhaps under the influence of the orgasm, the answer was yes .

Demyx stroked his hair. “So this was fun.”

He laughed a little. “I’m definitely willing to explore this with you.”

---

It gave Ienzo something to look forward to. At least with the possibility of release, his hormones were no longer so all-consuming. That sense of comfort, of calm, he felt when they were together was almost addicting.

And, considering the frustration of his work… it kept him sane.

Straightforward research continued to yield nothing. Ansem programmed and ran simulations, but again, all was fruitless, and tensions in that room became higher and higher--

"How many times do I have to tell you that we can prove nothing with your silly data? All these computer programs are mere frippery--" Even, his voice high and stressed.

Ansem never raised his voice, but the tone was very taught. "Such "frippery" kept Sora alive during his year of sleep. Such "frippery" might have the keys to the past, and the future. Forgive me, Even, but I don't see you coming up with any earth shattering ideas--"

"Better than toying around with video games--"

" Enough ," Ienzo snapped. "I've had it up to here with all of your arguing." The heat of the room didn't help; he could feel himself sweating under the heavy white cotton. "We're not going to make progress until you two hash it out." He crossed his arms. "Will you just talk to each other like adults? Scream at each other, fight, I don't care. I'm just sick of the wittering."

They both seemed startled by his outburst.

"Will you talk? Or what?"

Even dropped his eyes. "Where to begin," he said, almost wistfully.

"Quite," Ansem agreed. "I suppose things are neither easily forgotten nor easily forgiven." A sigh. "Ienzo's right. We cannot work well together if we cannot behave. Come, Even. I believe there's much to work through."

" Thank you," Ienzo said sourly.

Well. If they were gone.

He shed his lab coat. The AC was struggling to keep up with both the summer heat and the functioning of the CPU. Ienzo put it into sleep mode and approached Kairi. "Sorry about that," he said gently. He dragged a chair over to hers, sat, and took her hand.

His powers were stronger. Immediately and noticeably. Kairi's light latched onto him, warm and bolstering. He could see more of her memory now; running from the Organization with Naminé, walking home from school with Selphie. Her truncated months of Keyblade training, grueling but empowering to finally be able to do something. Tentative friendship with Lea.

Then, more painfully, through a veil, almost--hours in the Secret Place with Sora (Ienzo, tactfully, chose not to listen in), their separation and the fall of Destiny Islands, seeing Sora's body dissolve into light to release her heart--

Kairi took a sharp breath, her face crumpling, though she remained unconscious. Ienzo realized this process was as physically difficult for her as it was for him. I'm sorry, he thought, and let go of her hand.

When he stood, he was dizzy. Why was his power stronger? He wasn't about to complain, but there had to be a reason.

He'd embraced his humanity.

He'd stopped fighting it. Let it all in. Let himself be vulnerable, if so for a few moments. Sora's bond with Kairi, though chaster and more childish, was in essence the same as his with Demyx; it had given them the power to overcome the impossible.

The irony--embracing humanity giving him his Nobody abilities. No; much like Sora and Kairi's love gave them power to do something taboo, Ienzo's bond with Demyx would do the same. This would have a price--perhaps not as drastic or dramatic, but all the same.

Ienzo looked at his palms. The guilt was still there, thick and heady. All the people he'd indirectly killed--the least he could do was give the world its defender back.

#retribution #ienzo #demyx #zemyx #even (kingdom hearts)#kairi #ansem the wise

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signoraviolettavalery · 6 years ago

Text

strategist-scientia replied to your post “I know Carina is bringing Malex into the light and I am infinitely...”

Kinda scared now tbh because Carina said "Yes" when someone suggested that Michael is probably reminded of Jesse Manes's hand in causing the deaths of his people whenever he looks at Alex. ��

I hope it’s ok that I use your response as the jumping-off point for some meta, because I’ve been wanting to write this since i saw Carina’s tweets, and the inevitable Malex panicking that ensued. There’s a couple tweets about Michael’s headspace that she made that I want to get into, as I consider where Michael’s character will go next season and what that might mean for Malex.

Now, my immediate response to this is: Yes?? Good?? Carina is saying Michael is going to have a character arc next season, and this is a good thing. Characters need arcs, and frankly, I’ve been frustrated that most of his “arc” this season has just been taking care of other people. Equally frankly, I’m glad that this will be the arc, because Michael is completely traumatized right now. He not only lost his family right after finding them, but he’s witnessed the genocide of his race. I’m glad the show is going to deal with that instead of sweep it under the rug. That’s what Michael s a character deserves. And I know it sucks to put queer characters through trauma and misery and suffering, because it seems like that’s the only thing they ever get to experience in narratives. But in a well-written story, you can’t shield your characters from the world and have nothing bad ever happen to them. There need to be low points in order for there to be development, as long as there are high points.

The other tweet that people have been worrying about is this one, about how Michael will react to Alex and how their relationship will changed, based on the fact that Alex’s family is responsible for literally all of the suffering of Michael’s:

This is where people start worrying that Malex will crash and burn, or that Michael will blame Alex for what happened even though it’s not actually Alex’s fault.

So, first of all, I’m going to point out the obvious: it doesn’t sound like English is this person’s first language (which isn’t a dig at them, but just the observation that there may be a language/communication barrier here). Carina’s “yes” is vague af, and twitter is a really shitty medium to sort-of-but-not-really hint at character motivations and what’s coming.

Moving on from that, my thoughts are that Michael isn’t going to outright blame Alex - after all, Alex didn’t do anything. In fact, Alex has literally shut down project Shepard and blackmailed his father to protect Michael, and if Michael knows about project shepard he knows this. Logically, he understands this. But I do think that Michael will pull away from Alex - just as he’ll pull away from Max, Isobel, Maria, and even Liz. He’s going to need space, and he might get self-destructive in all his relationships, not just the one with Alex, because he’s going to blame himself for what happened. It’ll be difficult to watch, but I think that Alex, who himself has extensive experience sabotaging his own relationship as a result of fear and trauma, will understand where he’s coming from and try to help.

I do also think Michael will have a hard time with Alex specifically. Again, it’s not that he’ll blame Alex, because he clearly didn’t blame Alex for his hand, if his desire to rekindle a relationship ten years later is any indication. But Alex will be a living, breathing reminder of the Manes legacy, which has taken literally everything from Michael, starting with his hand and ending with his family. It’s going to get complicated, because just last episode, Michael was telling Max that he believes that there’s no place for him here (on Earth) - something that Jesse made him believe, and something of which his hand serves as a reminder. And now he has even more proof, painful, heartrending, visceral proof, that there is no place for him on this planet, in the sense that humanity as a whole does not accept him for what he is. And the Manes legacy is largely responsible for this.

But. The irony is that while the Manes family has destroyed his family, his life, his home, and his hope, Alex has been all of those things for him. Alex offered him a home when he had none. Alex told him “you’re my family.” Alex, as Michael said in 1x11, made him believe there’s is a place for him here on earth. Home can be a person, and Alex has been his.

And I think Michael will realize that. If Liz can get over the fact that Max covered up her sister’s murder and was responsible for her family suffering hate crimes for ten years, then Michael can get over Alex having a legacy that he has completely and utterly rejected. But it will take time, because trauma isn’t rational, and because Alex did enlist in the military and become a “Manes man” before he ultimately chose Michael. So Michael will have to reconcile those two things - what Alex’s family took from him, and the fact that Alex himself gave back all those things to him. Honestly, I think it’s going to be the culmination of the arc that they’ve been planting the seeds of this season - that home can be a person. Michael Vlamis also hinted that Micheal probably won’t be deciding whether to leave the planet this season, so perhaps this will be a decision he’ll have to make next season. Alex will give him the spaceship piece and set him free, understanding that Michael has never felt like he belongs on Earth and that now he feels like he belongs even less, and that his family is responsible for it. And Michael will have to realize that despite Alex’s legacy, which he has outright rejected, Alex is his home.

It’ll be a long journey, but I honestly think it’ll be fine in the end. Think of it this way: ships, just like characters, need arcs. I know we all say we’d happily watch an entire season of them just cuddling in bed, but come on. None of us actually would. We’d like an actual story. That’s why we tuned in. We want to see characters facing challenges and overcoming them. And yes, just like with queer characters, we don’t want queer pairings to just keep suffering endlessly. But we do want them to have actual, meaningful storylines. And what Carina is hinting at above sounds like an actual storyline. It’s Michael working through legitimate trauma instead of sweeping it under the rug, and Alex learning to live with the legacy of his family. If done well, this is a good storyline. The alternative is either no storyline, or contrived relationship drama, and no one wants that. Remember when, on The Vampire Diaries, Damon and Elena finally got together and the writers had to come up with a dozen reasons to break them up (the sire bond, Katherine possessing Elena, Damon temporarily dying and Elena erasing her memories of him and about a dozen other “plots’)? We really, really don’t want that. We want an actual arc.

Of course, how much you believe Carina and the writers will do justice to this arc depends on how much you trust them to actually meaningfully write it, and that’s up to each viewer to decide on their own. Based on my own personal experience, I think it’ll be fine, because whatever the various flaws of season 1 of Roswell (and they definitely exist), the emotional beats have rung true to me. I understand why characters behave the way they do, their fears, their traumas, and their progress (with some exceptions). So, I think we’ll be fine.

Part of the reason I’m so confident is because every other time we panicked because of a tweet, a promo, or a promo photo, we turned out to be pretty wrong to panic. Let’s recap:

1x09 This is the OG throwback episode, and when Shiri leaked that photo of Michael and Maria naked in the desert, we panicked. We thought Michael and Maria would have a full-blown romance and Michael would leave behind Alex and forget about him, or that Maria would sleep with Michael while knowing about Alex, or any number of worst-case scenarios.

What actually happened: Alex ended things, with finality. Previously, he’d walked away - and we’re led to believe he’s done this multiple times, which means that he’s also come back multiple times, because to walk away again, he had to come back first. But now, for the first time ever in ten years, probably, he said “we’re definitely over.” The love of Michael’s life broke his fucking heart by making him believe they could never have a future together, and Michael’s response was literal suicidal ideation. That line about “I’m just wishing a meteor would strike me down and end my suffering”? That’s suicidal ideation, y’all.

So yeah, he hooked up with Maria because he needed comfort and a connection with someone - but one that he was 100% certain wouldn’t get romantically complicated and messy. He picked Maria because he had a connection with her but thought there wasn’t a chance in the world that she’d catch feelings.

And then Alex came back to him and he took him back and bared his fucking soul and revealed every single one of his deepest secrets.

1x11 This was the UFO emporium re-opening episode, and everybody panicked that Michael and Maria would talk and kiss and/or hook up in the place of Malex’s first kiss. Come on, guys. Like, I get panic, but this was a bit much.

What happened instead: Michael misses Maria, who was pretty much his only friend, and tries to get back onto the same page they were (flirty banter that meant nothing), but which is pretty hard to do once you’ve slept together. Michael believes he and Alex are completely over, and....he skips the Emporium reopening (probably because it’s too painful). Then, Maria, the person he pretty much considers his only friend, gets roofied and possessed by an alien serial killer. So yeah, he’s concerned, and he watches over her, because Michael Guerin is, at heart, a protector who takes care of people, and frankly, if he wasn’t worried about Maria, I’d like him slightly less as a person. Maria drunkenly indicates potential feelings for him, which he shows absolutely no indication of actually reciprocating (he looks concerned and frustrated at best).

1x12 We all thought Malex was going to break up in this episode, despite the fact that they were already broken up and Michael thought they were “over.” We knew there was a tear-inducing Malex moment and we listened to Tyler’s song and I saw no end of posts going around saying Malex was going to break up.

What happened instead: Alex confessed his love for Michael, called Michael family, stayed by him in the face of literal certain death, and physically and emotionally supported him during a moment of devastating heartbreak.

So yes, I get the worry. I especially get the worry because apparently The Magicians fucked over their queer viewers just last night. Believe me, I understand, and I’m not a person to have faith easily. I’ve been through Supernatural fandom and the great Destiel queerbait that was season 8. I’ve been through Sherlock fandom and The Johnlock Conspiracy of seasons 3/4. I am intimately familiar with the nonsense shows pull on queer viewers, and I understand the context in which queer viewers are wary of trusting and investing emotionally. I’m a queer viewer as well, and I get it. I really do. But my personal experience of Roswell has been one of the fandom panicking (because we’ve been burned so many times), followed by us getting literal fanfiction on our screens, with actual love confessions and words like “cosmic” and all the tropes. So in this particular case, I choose to trust, because thus far, I think the show has done well by Malex for the most part, and because so far, almost all of our worries have turned out to be for nothing. And I’m also excited for Malex to have meaningful storylines and things to work through.

That’s my two cents. Thanks for letting me ramble. Feel free to reblog if you think we could stand to spread some positivity.

#strategist-scientia #roswell new mexico #malex #roswell new mexico meta #malex positivity #roswell new mexico speculation #malex speculation #michael guerin #character analysis #character arcs #seriously thanks for letting me ramble

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utapri-headcanons-imagines · 6 years ago

Note

Yo can we get like an all 3 groups on how they’d deal with having a Male/S/O bc like S/O might get all worried about the bois rep

Side Note: So sorry to the anon who sent this (like a week ago)! It was entirely my fault for taking so long, I have no excuse. We hope you like this… huggee post - Mod Zozo

HEAVENS

Eiichi Otori

Eiichi is very open about his relationships. He came out a long time ago, he didn’t care about the backlash he received. So when he talked about his male s/o, people weren’t so surprised by it. Of course, there was that share of people who were very taken back

His reputation? Who cares about it, he’s in love and he wants to show it to people

The press is on it? Let them, he doesn’t mind all of the questions

Though if there are any witch hunts for his s/o, he will immediately do something about it

Anything in the press that says something bad about him, Eiichi would freak and address it right away. He’ll clear things up, he doesn’t want his s/o to have a bad name

Eiichi is actually very active for campaigning for LGBTQ+ rights in Japan. So he often uses his own experiences with his s/o and his friends to describe his life. He even discusses the homophobic remarks and actions he’s experienced to give a clear image of how it’s like to be LGBTQ+ in Japan

Eiichi all together is just a very open person, he doesn’t want to hide his true self from others. If he’s going to fans and jobs, then so be it.

Kira Sumeragi

It’s hard to pry into Kira’s private life. So when the press found out Kira had a male s/o they were on it, fast

To be honest, Kira didn’t address the matter. He thought it wasn’t a big deal.

He thought if he ignored all the gossip and stuff, it’ll go away. But when his s/o’s name got out that’s when he had to say something

Kira just wants his s/o’s life to be private, he doesn’t want his life to be plastered everywhere. Kira doesn’t really care about the stupid gossip about himself. But his s/o? He’s definitely going to do something about it

He knows it’s not good to get in drama, but his s/o’s name is out there. Kira knows for a fact that he would face a major backlash. It actually frightened Kira quite a lot

So when Kira decided to respond to these claims, he was indeed very serious. His fans and the press listened into his response and came to a single conclusion. The press eventually stops bothering him about it, due to his terrifying response.

Kira was happy that they weren’t asking him about his love life anymore, he felt safer. So did his s/o. They can finally go on semi-normal dates.

Nagi Mikado

Nagi couldn’t care less about the criticism he’s receiving

He constantly posts pictures of him and his boyfriend. With his boyfriend’s permission, of course

But wait! People started giving their own uneducated opinions on Nagi’s love life.

What does Nagi think about this?

“How does it affect you? You shouldn’t care about who I love.”

Nagi then proceeds to post more and more about his boyfriend to make the press angry

If some fans get angry, he doesn’t care. To him, they weren’t real fans in the first place

Interviews on the matter can be harsh, and borderline inappropriate. Especially for someone as young as Nagi, he’s just a 13-year-old kid after all. If the other HEAVENS members don’t shut down the conversation, Nagi will

“I love whom I love, so leave me be!”

Eiji Otori

Eiji doesn’t give out too much information on his private life. How people found out was because of Eiichi accidentally mentioned it in one of his interviews

Needless to say, Eiji was not happy, in fact, he was kind of scared. He didn’t want his boyfriend to face backlash or have anything crazy happen to him

Eiji would avoid conflict at all cost, he doesn’t want s/o to become hurt at all

All in all, Eiji and s/o have a very long discussion about this. After that talk, Eiji lets the cat out of the bag. He talks about it during an interview

Of course s/o was very much worried, however, they both did agree on making parts of their relationship public. Eiji only talked about the bits and pieces that he consented on

Eiji then became more and more open about his relationship in the public, but it took a while

Of course, whenever Eiji received some hate mail or anything that made him extremely uncomfortable, he made sure to tell s/o and the rest of HEAVENS

He wants his relationship to be kept mostly private, but small details here and there are not so bad

Shion Amakusa

Shion is extremely vague about everything. So most likely the paparazzi found out about his boyfriend

S/o became so worried, he picked up a tabloid magazine with both of them on it and showed it to Shion

Shion looked quite shocked, and he worried about s/o’s personal life. How would this affect him? Shion is just praying that he didn’t ruin his life

There were articles, tweets, and dumb discussions on the matter

Shion hated being confronted about all of this, he didn’t want s/o to be involved in the limelight

He tries to shield his boyfriend away from all of the hate

However, many positives did rise from this, Shion and his s/o did get a lot of support

So many of his fans stuck up for him and his s/o. Shion was so happy he cried about it to s/o

Yamato Hyuga

As soon as Yamato did get a boyfriend, he talked about him a lot (though never mentioned his name)

The press freaked the hell out, how could Yamato of all people have a lover? Especially a male one

Yamato rolled his eyes when he was met with homophobic remarks, he just ignored them altogether

But when they went after his s/o, he wanted to throw some fists. All of HEAVENS had to hold him back from punching someone

He was beyond angry, during an interview he dedicated a small portion of time on the issue. Yamato talked about how love shouldn’t be discriminated against. No matter what sex or gender the person is

“Why the Hell does it matter? If I had a girlfriend, I know everyone would still freak out. So what’s wrong if my lover is a guy? How does that change anything? It’s all dumb.”

Yamato makes sure to comfort his boyfriend after an interview. He also asks him what he could’ve done differently, or could have phrased something differently

All in all, Yamato sees this as dumb publicity, he knows that magazines are just trying to get more money. He soon stops commenting on the gossip so the press has nothing to talk about

Van Kiryuin

Van has always been open about his sexuality. So he didn’t have that much backlash when he relieved that he has a male boyfriend

Of course, he did receive some, though Van never let it get to him

S/o did worry about his rep, though Van did not care. He wouldn’t even care if he lost a job because of it, he just wants to express himself

Van just wants his s/o and himself to be happy, the paparazzi have nothing on him, neither does the press

He will talk about his s/o, but he doesn’t give out his name unless his s/o gives consent.

When he does face negative criticism during interviews, he quickly responds to them. However, Van just hates it and explains how idiotic it is to ask/say such nasty things

“You wouldn’t ask this stuff if I was with a woman, so why does it matter now?” - Van responding to the rude interviewer

Van knows that expressing his sexuality is a very controversial thing to do as an idol. But does he care? No, he’s happy to be with his s/o

QUARTET NIGHT

Reiji Kotobuki

Despite Reiji’s seemingly carefree and bubbly personality, he is deeply, deeply afraid of his relationship being found out by the media. It’s something that might occasionally keep him up at night

Taking the guise of a flirty straight-man is especially stressful when you have a male-partner

Reiji has had multiple internal “crises of faith” of sorts. He wants to be absolutely devoted to his s/o, constantly entertaining young women with flirts and praise makes him feel grimy

But it’s his job, and it’s a job he loves doing. At least the musical and entertaining aspects of it; so he doesn’t want to quit, he just wants to sort of “break character”

This is something he’s never mentioned to his s/o or anyone else for that matter. He doesn’t want anyone to worry, and most of all he doesn’t want his s/o to worry

Regardless of the internal strain

So instead of really doing anything about it, he just goes on as usual. Perhaps if his s/o is very perceptive he’d see some of Reiji’s stress, but that isn’t very likely since Reiji is just so good at hiding how he feels in general

Reiji would do absolutely anything and everything for his s/o. To him, dealing with that kind of mental stress is just another part of that

Reiji, we love you, please seek a professional for your mental health

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Ranmaru is most definitely already out of the closet, it’s just not largely acknowledged by the public

He didn’t even traditionally “come out” in his career life, his sexuality was just another theme in his music, particularly in his older songs

Punk rock and pop punk music has always been known to have controversial and/or political themes strewn within their lyrics, so this wasn’t really a surprise to anyone

That is, it wasn’t surprising to older fans of his music

With that all being said, however, Ranmaru is a pretty private person and wouldn’t talk about his s/o at all, even if he was a chick.

He knows that they’d receive backlash regardless

He understands that the industry and fans generally aren’t kind to the romantic partners of idols, and most other musicians for that matter. So he makes the effort to hide this part of his life

Ranmaru and his s/o certainly don’t enjoy doing this. Hiding from the public figuratively and sometimes even literally is emotionally draining, and tiring

In the end, however, it is worth it because he can be with his s/o in peace. Even if Ranmaru is frustrated with their circumstances

Camus

Camus isn’t the type of person to tell the world about his lover so the paparazzi might’ve found out about it

Needless to say, Camus was quite shocked by the backlash he received. He knows the idol business had the potential to be volatile, but he didn’t think this of all things could’ve happened to him

Camus went to his s/o right away, he wanted to know what he should do. He was afraid of messing up and receiving some more backlash

They had a long talk about it, after they both agreed that Camus was to address the issue. Which he did, but was still faced with ridiculous criticism.

There was still so much support that many of his idol friends and fans gave to him though! Camus couldn’t thank them enough

Camus would slap anybody that would talk rudely about his lover. He would not ever tolerate such things

Ever since then, Camus tried his best not to mention his lover in topics. But still found himself talking about his s/o quite a lot

S/o gets all embarrassed when he watches TV and just sees Camus talking about him. However, he still loves it nonetheless

Ai Mikaze

Ai brought it up very casual like, in fact, it was so casual that people thought it was a joke. But Ai continued to talk about his relationship with his s/o regardless then things sort of spiraled from there

The next day everything went wild, though Ai wasn’t really shocked by all of this. He was worried about his s/o thought, but he didn’t place too much thought into it. Ai knows for a fact that no one will try anything funny on them

Ai was met with a lot of, but he didn’t care. He accepted the fact that he would get reactions like this

So he moved on and addressed the topic only when he needed to

S/o, of course, worried about his rep. Though Ai didn’t really care, he loves singing and performing. But doesn’t want to be apart of a system that’s so homophobic

Ai has spoken out about LGBTQ+ issues in the idol community, and he addresses lots of topics within the community

He expressed his concerns and his frustrations towards the stigma of LGBTQ+ people in Japan

Ai explains how he thinks that if he expresses his love for his s/o that other people like him can feel safer in their own country

STARISH

Otoya Ittoki

Otoya is a very open and loving person, he is not afraid to be himself or share his ideas. He wants his s/o to be a close part of his life, despite the difficulties that may come with that

Otoya wants his boyfriend to be close to, or at the very least like his friends and family. Otoya wants his s/o to be able to feel comfortable in the private space, and wants him to know that they are supported

He also would feel pretty bad if his boyfriend didn’t get along with STARISH, or vice versa

In Otoya’s private life it is very obvious he’s in a relationship, he’s open about it. Sharing selfies with his boyfriend to his friends and family, going on and on about how amazing his s/o is, etc

Otoya and his s/o were unsure on as to how they should approach their relationship in the public eye. At first they decided that it would be best if they kept it a secret, but eventually decided otherwise

Otoya didn’t want to hide his sexuality, he’s not ashamed of it whatsoever. He feels like keeping his identity hidden is wrong. Coming out publicly could help not only himself but others who struggle with their sexuality as well

After lots and lots of discussion with his s/o they agreed that discussing their relationship publicly would a beneficial thing to do. His boyfriend was a tad worried, but Otoya was so earnest and confident his s/o couldn’t help but be as well

Syo Kusuru

Syo cared deeply for his reputation, but he doesn’t necessarily care if people dislike him for trivial reasons. Syo will apologize for something if he’s done genuinely wrong, but he has a pretty tough moral backbone and is very careful about what he says so that rarely happens

Things like people not liking his sexuality is something he couldn’t any care less about

Syo didn’t really even come out, the public sort of found out on accident. As for his friends and family, they’ve all known for a while now. It’s not really something Syo talks about a lot, but he’s comfortable other people knowing

So ya know, whatever. He doesn’t care

If Syo’s boyfriend was ever concerned for his reputation Syo would make certain to quickly to reassure them. His s/o shouldn’t have to worry for his sake, Syo can handle any problem (if they arise) on his own.

Other than all that sexuality controversy the relationship between Syo and his s/o was pretty normal. Syo makes sure that they’re both able to do the things they want to do without getting harassed or bothered, and he very much succeed

They both hang out with their friends and family a lot (this is particularly important to Syo), hopefully Syo’s boyfriend gets along with them all alright. STARISH especially can be a rowdy bunch

All in all everything is just plain good. They both are happy, and honestly that’s the only thing that really matters to Syo

Natsuki Shinomiya

Natsuki can be incredibly naïve and certainly was when he announced his relationship through the media

He was utterly baffled by the crude responses to his sexuality and to his relationship in general

Natsuki wasn’t really distressed, he was just confused. He isn’t ignorant, Natsuki was aware that there would be some backlash and disapproval, but he didn’t think there would be enough to at least bring his attention to it

“We’re in the 21st century, I didn’t expect that many people to get upset.”

However, we all know Natsuki, he doesn’t dwell on negatives for very long. Turning his attention away from the bitterness, he was actually more surprised on how much support he’s received

He didn’t expect so many of his fans to be so happy for him

Especially because he never formally came out, he just sorta put his relationship out for everyone to see

He and his s/o are absolutely delighted to be so supported, it makes them so much more comfortable being out together. Natsuki may have even started to vlog with them and post more about his s/o on Twitter in general

Overall, Natsuki and his s/o really don’t have any worries, they’re happy being together and they’re happy that the world knows

Ren Jinguji

Ren is an active advocate for all love, his views on sexuality are widely known and often supported by the public. He’s also not shy about talking about his own sexuality and is unfazed by any negative criticism.

So Ren was quite confident when speaking about his relationship to the media

Ren has practically no worries in terms of his work in the industry and is so confident in his reputation his s/o isn’t even all that concerned

All Ren wants is for his s/o to be able to get along with his friends and the rest of STARISH, harmony is very important to him

This isn’t too big of an issue though, since his s/o will most likely get along with them anyway

Despite all that, Ren still doesn’t want to introduce his boyfriend to his family. His relationship with his brother can be quite on-and-off, and he doesn’t want to put his s/o through that kind of trouble

Ren will forever and always be a loyal partner, he is flirtatious in nature but certainly not a cheat. His actions very much stem from some sort of attention-seeking desire, if that’s not the case he’s just charming fans

He’s not necessarily proud of that; hopefully he’ll be able to have a talk with his s/o about how he feels

Their relationship is just overall pretty smooth; there are some obstacles to overcome, especially in terms of Ren’s idolship, but they’re working on it and doing quite well

Cecil Aijima

Cecil never needed to come out of the closet, there was never any closet to begin with. If Cecil takes a fancying to you, he’ll let you know, he’ll let his friends know, he’ll let the universe know

Everyone knew about this boy’s sexuality from the start, and Cecil didn’t give a shit about what you thought of it

In Cecil’s home country, Agnapolis homosexual relationships were accepted, and often encouraged. It was deeply embedded into the roots of his country’s history and religion, so naturally Cecil just accepts it

When Cecil went to Japan and realized homophobia was a thing that existed he was like, “????”. “Excuse me, what? Get this shit out of my house, thank you very much.”

Cecil just doesn’t understand, so when his s/o was like, “Uhhh, maybe you want to keep this a secret, ya know for your rep.” He just responded with a slick, “Nah fam, it’s cool.”

Honestly, Cecil just gets so ridiculously frustrated at the thought of someone being ridiculed for their sexuality, he’d just go crazy. It’s almost comical on how upset he gets sometimes

“If you are please gay stand up and smack the government.”

On a serious note, however, he is very much saddened by the fact that people aren’t accepted just because of their sexuality. He is even more saddened by the fact that gay marriage is not even legal in Japan

Watch Cecil campaign for gay rights

In general, Cecil doesn’t treat his homosexual relationships any different from his heterosexual ones. His s/o may worry about that from time to time, but overall he’s just refreshed by Cecil’s positivity

Masato Hijirikawa

Being outed to the public is probably one of his worst fears literally ever, so if he did have a male s/o Masato would definitely keep it under wraps. He is extremely careful about where/how he and his s/o go out

Honestly, Masato would worry more about it than his s/o

His anxiety is from such a strong combination of how he was raised and what he does for work; Masato feels so much shame and bitterness about who he is, it’s almost pitiful

Masato thinks he’s just worked so hard and given up so much to be where he is now. He’s terrified of how his sexuality could affect his career. He doesn’t want to lose everything he’s gained

It’s such an unhealthy view of his sexuality, and he knows this, he just can’t shake this feeling of disgust

It takes such a terrible strain on his relationship with his s/o. It’s absolutely exhausting to be partners with a person who is so uncomfortable with their sexuality, even if you love them so much

Their stress is only magnified and made worse by Masato’s idolship

Masato eventually realizes he can’t keep doing this to his s/o; he can’t have the person he loves be the representation of his inner turmoil, so he decides to seek help professionally

Initially, Masato considered breaking things off with his s/o altogether but decided that would be unfair to his partner

And to Masato’s surprise, counseling is actually helping him. Little by little he’s improving. Anxieties are still there and will always be there, thanks partially to his career, but he’s getting better

The relationship with his s/o is even strengthened because of this

Tokiya Ichinose

Tokiya sort of always knew his sexuality, he wasn’t even necessarily uncomfortable with it. It’s just a part of who is is he is and he’s embraced it for a long time now

This is partially thanks to lots of experimentation, but honestly Tokiya knows who is and what he wants, so in general he’s pretty confident in himself

That being said, however, Tokiya hasn’t come out to the public or his friends or family. Not because he’s ashamed of himself, he’s just pessimistic and sorta believes everyone around him will react negatively

His relationship with his s/o is very much a secret. STARISH and Haruka don’t even know about it. Tokiya just goes out a lot without telling them where he’s going, he worries them

His boyfriend very much worries and cares for Tokiya’s reputation. He knows how much Tokiya loves his career, and despite the stress it puts them both through, he’s willing to deal with it because it is so important to Tokiya

Unfortunately they don’t get to see each other very often, their time together is mostly spent through calls and texts. This makes Tokiya feel pretty guilty, he doesn’t want his s/o to go through this kind of distant relationship

Tokiya may sometimes even feel as though his s/o would be better off without him

Even so, Tokiya’s biggest concern overall goes back to the issue of his friends not knowing. He wants them to be closer, he wants them to know, but is still unsure

Perhaps the more time that passes by, the more comfortable he’ll get with the idea

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idonthaveanyurlideas · 6 years ago

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did someone say regency era beaujester??? kinda???

yeet

AO3 LINK

The soft melody of violins filled the air, playing a song that had been perfectly chosen for the occasion. Laughter and chatter filtered through the ballroom, servants carrying platters stacked high with glasses of champagne ridiculously fancy and expensive things to eat. All manner of important people mingles and danced together, all soft, coy smiles and vague, flirty comments with a hundred million different meanings.

Jester would have loved to be among them, dancing the night away in a beautiful dress, or even just to stand with a few of the other girls and socialise. But despite the best balls in all of Nicodranas being held at her home multiple times a week, she was never able to attend. The rules of high society were strict and unyielding, and a daughter with no father or partner to present her was not welcome.

Instead, Jester contented herself with watching from the sidelines, sneaking behind curtains and hiding inside rooms where she could still hear the music, having a ball all on her own, dreaming of having someone to dance with. She twirled across the empty floor with her arms held out as if there was someone there, switching between leading and being led without a care, humming the music that she had long since memorised to herself.

And when she tired of that, she would return to her favourite hiding spot at the top of the stairs, where a curtain with a gap at the bottom stopped any but the most observant from seeing her, but which gave her a nearly uninterrupted view of the ballroom. It was there that she was now, watching couples glide gracefully across the dance floor while she laid on her stomach, her head resting in her hands.

She sighed dreamily, her legs kicking loosely behind her, her tail flicking back and forth. So enchanted by the scene was she that she failed to notice the sound of footsteps quickly approaching until they quite literally tripped over her with a frantically stifled yelp.

Jester scrambled up into a sitting position, her hands flying to her mouth. There was a surprisingly quiet thud as the person rolled into their landing, and Jester sat up to see a woman with a shocking scowl on her face, hiking up the hem of her dark blue dress to rip off her shoes. She had warm brown skin and thick brown hair that looked like it might have once been coiled up in a braided bun, but was now half undone, hanging down past her shoulders.

“Who are you?” Jester asked, shock quickly fading to curiosity. The girl's eyes flickered up to her before widening, as if suddenly realising she’d tripped over a person and not just her dress.

“Who are you?” She asked, both her shoes now in hand and looking around in search for other people. “What are you doing up here?”

“I’m Jester. I live here.” Jester said, shifting into a more polite sitting position and smiling brightly.

“I’m Beau.” After a moment’s hesitation, she took Jester’s offered hand and shook it, quickly drawing back. “Why aren’t you down there?”

“I’m not allowed.” Jester shrugged, before lowering her voice. “My dad isn’t married to my Mama, you know?”

There was a brief look of understanding before Beau nodded, glancing once again in the direction of the ballroom, but Jester continued talking. “Why are you up here? You’re allowed down there, aren’t you?”

“I don’t want to be.” Beau scoffed, standing up and tucking her shoes underneath one arm, using the other to pull the skirt of her dress up a few inches. “It’s a nightmare.”

“What? No way! They always look so fun!” Jester jumped to her feet, barely remembering to keep her voice down, confident the music would mask it well enough. “There’s dancing, and nice food, and people to talk to-”

“And judge you, and make fun of you behind your back, and expect you to be happy wearing a stupid, itchy dress, and dance the most boring dances in the world over and over and never tell anyone what you really think.” Beau’s voice was snappy, and Jester hesitated, wringing her hands together.

“It’s not… that bad, is it?” She asked.

Beau looked at her for a long moment, her face softening ever so slightly before she huffed and looked away. “I mean, some people enjoy it, I’m sure. But not me.”

“Is that why you’re up here? You’re trying to get away?” Jester stepped forward, more curious than ever. Beau nodded, a sly smirk beginning to grow on her face.

“Say, you wouldn’t happen to know where anything cool is in this place, would you? Seeing as you live here and everything.”

Jester folded her arms and thought hard, trying to think of the best place to show Beau. There was her bedroom, or the study where she liked to read, or the kitchens or… An idea popped into her head and she grinned.

“I know a place! It’s secret, too.” She winked, grabbing Beau’s wrist and starting to pull her along, leaving the ballroom behind. The music followed them for a while before that too faded, as they went deeper into the manor.

They came to a stop near the back of the manor, in front of a bookcase. Jester immediately began rummaging through the books, while Beau looked around expectantly, her hands on her hips.

“This is just a hallway.” She said, a frown on her face that morphed into confusing when Jester just grinned back at her.

Ah! There was the book she was looking for. Casting another wink at Beau, Jester pulled on it, immediately stepping back as a series of clicks and creaks began to emanate from the bookcase. There was a sharp inhale next to her, followed by a quiet ‘Woah’ as a secret passageway appeared before them.

Once again, Jester took Beau’s hand, blood rushing to her cheeks as she walked into the passageway. “Quick, it’s only open for a few seconds.”

“Damn. I wish my house had something like that.” Beau said, her eyes wide with wonder as the brightly lit hallway was replaced by dim candlelight.

They squeezed through the passageway, Jester never letting go of Beau’s hand, but eventually they found their way to what Jester had been looking for. It was a small room, barely ten feet wide at any point, but it was decorated with rugs and cushions, the faint remnants of incense and perfume filling the air, and candles held in stained glass containers casting multicoloured light on the walls.

“This is so cool.” Beau looked around, picking up books and some of Jester’s old sketchbooks, which she kept here for safekeeping. “What do you do down here?”

“Lots of things!” Jester spun around before settling down on one of the cushions, silently admiring the way the blue and purple light from some of the candles fell on Beau’s face. “I like to draw, and think of pranks, and have sleepovers in here.”

She didn’t mention that they were usually sleepovers in which she was both the host and only guest, but Beau seemed impressed regardless, picking a cushion and sitting down. “I wouldn’t mind staying here the whole night.”

“You could! I don’t mind, these balls usually go on forever.” Jester’s heart leapt, though at what, she wasn’t sure.

Beau scoffed, casting a easy grin at Jester. “Don’t I know it. If I’d known something like this was here, I would have given in to my parents ages ago. They’ve been wanting me to come to one of these for years.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I hate everything about these stupid balls.” Beau paused, before looking back at Jester. “But if I’d known someone like you were here to make it interesting…”

Jester hadn’t known her cheeks could get so hot so quickly, Beau’s face turning slightly red and both of them quickly looking away, stifling giggles behind hands or otherwise pretending it hadn’t happened.

“I mean, you could always come back.” Jester said slowly, hesitantly, shuffling a little closer to Beau until they were nearly shoulder to shoulder. “We have them all the time.”

“Yeah. Maybe I will.” Beau said, shifting her arm out ever so slightly so that it bumped into Jester’s. “I bet they’d be a lot more fun with someone to sneak away from them with.”

#beaujester #fanfic #my fanfic #critical role

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writingforshalyn-blog · 5 years ago

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December 26th, 2019. I’M NOT FUCKING CRAZY!

Well, well, well. What a satisfyingly bittersweet moment it is to be right about discovering that your partner has lied to you about the nature of their relationship with a particular person. I want to call it cheating. I want to say she cheated on me. I have a hard time saying that though, due to the fact that I had sex with a random guy and she only was being flirty and probably a little sexy with the ex girlfriend that I thought she might have been. Jane and her goblin children.

It came up rather spontaneously. As you know if you’re reading these entries in chronological order, you’ll know I didn’t feel quite right about her hanging out with Jane. You’ll know I felt off and felt jealous in a way that I didn’t really feel when it came to the other woman she was interacting with (as far as receiving nudes from her). The difference is Jane was an ex. Jane was someone my girlfriend, at least at some point, had an interest in being with, for whatever reasons (not important to me). When we opened the doors for open relationships (which was really just a sexual agreement as far as I was concerned) I thought I made it clear that exes were not allowed. I wasn’t going to be comfortable knowing she was having sexual/romantic conversations with people she once dated, and I told her that I would act in the same way and not even think about getting involved with anyone that I was previously involved with. When she started talking to Jane, I knew it was fishy. I knew it didn’t feel okay to me. I knew I didn’t feel good with her talking to her. I wasn’t confident in Jane’s ability to remain friends, nor, truthfully, Rowan’s. I want her to have friends and I would like to make that absolutely clear. I also want to feel respected when it comes to my insecurities and what I don’t feel okay with.

Let me put a note here, before I get down to what happened exactly and how I came about finding out, that these words are after a couple days of sitting with my feelings and thumbing through everything multiple times. I was not put together enough to write this when I found out. I was very much so confused and could not figure out the mentality that Rowan could have had when doing what she was doing with this girl and why she felt justified, even in the moment. Don’t take the way I speak about this to think that I feel like she is redeemed, like she shouldn’t have to face what she did and own the fuck up to it. I’ve told her more than once that she needs to own the fuck up to the mistake that was entirely hers, not mine, nor Jane’s, really. There’s my disclaimer.

So I just so happened to pick up her phone on Christmas Eve, early, before we went to her mom’s house before her christmas dinner. I got curious, and something just compelled me to pick her phone up. I didn’t have a specific thought or a specific thing that I thought I was looking for, something just inched me towards that. I begin scrolling through her conversations with Jane and scroll up to a point not too far up in the conversation where Rowan removed a message. I only know she removed it because messenger shows it on her phone somehow. I asked her, woke her up from a nap, and asked why she was removing things from their conversation on messenger. She said she didn’t remember what it was she removed and didn’t know why she did it. Bullshit lie #1. I scrolled down a little bit and I see a message where she said “I was going to tell you something but I’ll just wait until I see you in person”. I asked her what it was she was going to say to Jane in person that she couldn’t say on her phone. She said she was going to tell her she wasn’t sure if they could be friends, which is still up in the air when determining the truth. Maybe that was what she was going to say. But if it was, she never got around to saying it. Half a bullshit lie. As I begin really getting that pit in my stomach, the kind that makes you angry instead of sad, she pops up off her pillow, demanding her phone back. Her reaction was what really tipped my bullshitting scale. Never had she told me not to go through her phone and never has she demanded her phone out of my hands. She might have gotten pissed off, but she never tried to snatch it out of my hands and gotten that tone in her voice that she gets when she’s angry over it. It shocked me into almost calmness. I pulled the phone away and refused to give it back to her, although I did stop reading her messages. I asked her what it was that I wasn’t supposed to see on her phone. I asked her why I all of a sudden couldn’t see her phone when she’s always said she didn’t care if I looked through it whenever I wanted to. I wanted to look through it now, I said, so why can’t I now? What’s in these messages?

Her replied were curt and in those moments I knew she was about to be busted for something big. “Nothing!” she said loudly. Bullshit lie #2 1/2. I asked her over and over multiple times what was in the messages that she didn’t want me to see. Multiple times she said nothing and that she was just mad that I didn’t “believe and trust her enough”. BULLSHITTTTTTTTTT LIE. Not only lie, bullshit manipulation and gaslighting. I had to think quickly. I had to figure out a compromise for us both. “Tell me what’s in these messages or I’m looking through them all. If you tell me what I’m not supposed to see I won’t read them, but if you don’t I’m reading all of them from start to end.” She moaned and groaned. She tried again to lie her way out of it but I think it was after I said those words that she ran out of options. It was the furthest she could lie before I caught her, the furthest she could take it to try and make me feel crazy before entering into a damn near irredeemable place between us. Her last chance to come clean to me before I found out. So she folded. She still tried downplaying it and gaslighting me by saying “Just flirting and shit, things I knew you’d be pissed about.”

In that moment, the grip I had on my almost calmness weakened. “Because you lied?!” Because we both knew I had asked her what was going on between them. We both knew I had told her I didn’t want her having a relationship, sexual or romantic, with any exes. We both knew she’d lied to me, multiple times, right to my face. She had lied and, in my mind at least, had cheated on me. Cheated in the definition that our agreed upon terms of our relationship was not only broken but, when asked about it, was lied about. After I snapped about her lying, she then hit me with what I knew she would try to hit me with. “At least I didn’t have sex with a random guy in the back of his truck.”

Okay, stop. When we entered into the agreement, I thought it was purely sexual anyways. I felt okay with doing what I was doing, even though it was done on the first day of our agreement, because I knew it was not going to go anywhere, because I was following everything that I thought our agreement was, and because I was communicating with her 100% openly and honestly about what my intentions were, and even checked with her multiple times directly before going with the guy I hooked up with. Nothing I did was shady, nothing I did was outside of the boundaries that we both had set in place for each other.

That was when I completely released my hold on staying cool with her. Not to say I didn’t care what I said or did, I still wasn’t trying to be mean or hurtful, but at that point I was confident in myself and my grip on the situation that I wasn’t afraid of saying something that I didn’t mean or that wasn’t factual in regards to the situation.

“At least I didn’t lie about it! At least I’m not a liar! I told you what I was doing, you told me it was okay! At least I’m not fucking around with my ex!” I was only vaguely aware of how loud I was being and I didn’t really care who heard what I was talking about. For all I cared, let everybody come in the room with us while we had the conversation.

I had to go outside and take a moment to fucking process everything that had hit me within 5 minutes. At that point, her flirting with Jane wasn’t even what I was upset about the most. I was pissed and mildly upset about it, but what I was more upset about was the complete, utter lies and the blatant gaslighting that she had tried to pull on me. She tried to discredit me in every way she could think of before giving up her hold on information. The tried to create doubt in my mind about why I felt the way I felt. Not only was I being “crazy” and “untrusting”, I was also having something that someone, not knowing the nature of our agreement, would most definitely think I was horrible for doing. I had sex with somebody, after all. If someone told me the whole story and left out that we had an explicit agreement that included NO EXES, I would think that the one who had sex with someone else was the bad guy too.

I sat on the back porch and looked up into the sky, at the bare trees, the electric wires running through yards, and the fence. I tried to wrap my brain around how to defend myself. I knew I shouldn’t have to defend myself. She knew the rules. She knew what I didn’t want. She lied to me about what she was doing with Jane. She said she was only interested in being friends with Jane, which might have been true. Maybe that was the only thing that she wanted, but she knew Jane wanted something else and she didn’t mention the flirting. She didn’t tell me when the conversation went flirty or romantic or sexual.

I called my sister and spilled what I had just found out. She was at Christmas with our friend Taylor, but I needed to talk to her about it. I didn’t feel like she would really judge me, even if she didn’t understand the agreement we had. I bitched for a few minutes loudly and then let her get back to christmas. More silence as I took in my surroundings and tried to wrap my mind around it again, trying to make the puzzle pieces fit together in a way that redeemed Rowan in some way. I wanted to give her the benefit. I wanted to make sense of it all. I just couldn’t figure it out.

She finally came to the backyard and stood up beside me. There was silence for many minutes and I tried to pretend like I didn’t want to scream at her. I am an emotional ass bitch in the most real way, not that I’m very proud of it, but I am known for being emotional and crying at anything that tips my mood too quickly or even at all sometimes. With this, I couldn’t even cry. I didn’t even have to fight the tears or hold them back. There was no urge to cry. There was an urge to understand and to make her say that she had fucked up, that she knew she had fucked up. I wanted to hear her tell me I wasn’t crazy, that I wasn’t being a bitch, that I wasn’t trying to isolate her, and that she knew I hadn’t done anything wrong when I hooked up with that guy, all things that I knew, but that I needed her to know and needed her to know that I knew that she knew. she had fucked up big.

She finally broke the silence. “Can we please agree to move on from this if I agree to not talk to her anymore?”

I felt another slap in the face. After the huge thing that had just happened, her solution that she thought was fair to both of us was to move on so long as she didn’t talk to her anymore? WHAT THE FUCK.

“You want me to move on from just being lied to for 5 minutes straight, from being lied to since we had this agreement in place, from giving you so many opportunities to come clean with me? I’d like to not be dealing with this on Christmas Eve, we could have already been past this if you would have just told me. But now here we are, I’m feeling like I just got cheated on, and you’re wanting me to move on if you agree to not talk to her anymore? YOU FUCKED UP.”

She took my slightly aggressive tone pretty well. “I know I fucked up,” she said quietly.

“No, like,” I began, feeling like she really wasn’t grasping the severity of my emotions. “You fucked up. You lied to me. I have lost so much respect for you. How could you think any of this was okay? Not even just the flirting, the lying and the gaslighting? Do you know how fucking manipulative this has been of you? You straight up told me I was being crazy and that I should just trust you. You told me you didn’t want anything with her.”

“I don’t, and I didn’t,” she interjected.

“How can you say that?!”

“She just started being flirty and I didn’t know how to stop it!”

“OWN UP!” I was borderline screaming now and she still didn’t try to tell me to calm down. “You could have stopped it at any point! You didn’t want to hurt her feelings but you could have stopped it! You sure as fuck didn’t have to entertain it!”

She stood silent for a few moments outside of the puff and exhale of smoke from her cigarette. I ran my hands over my face, grabbing at my skin there. What was I supposed to make of it all? What was I supposed to do with the information and her reaction of it?

“You fucked up.” I said again. She didn’t reply so I continued, angered again by the remembrance of her using my hookup against me, and I realized that I hadn’t even brought that up to her yet. “And you tried to throw me hooking up with Cory in my face?! We agreed on it! I messaged you before I went with him, multiple times, asking you if it was okay! And you said yes! I didn’t lie about it! You can read every single message I exchanged with him right now! You’re either really shitty or there’s something else that I’m missing here. Are you really of that mindset that I’m just a whore because of it??”

“No.”

She took a moment now to gather her thoughts and I just let her think, not knowing what else to say without getting something else from her.

“No,” she finally said carefully. “I don’t think you’re a whore. I said that because I was mad--”

“At who?!”

“Myself. I felt stupid. It was wrong of me to say that.”

“Wrong of you? Absolutely it was wrong of you. You told me it was okay.”

“I know, and it is and was. I didn’t mean that.”

I still didn’t understand. There was something else, some other feeling or some other piece altogether that I wasn’t being told about.

“I felt jealous,” I finally got out of her. “I was jealous because it happened so fast with him. We agreed to be open and on the same day you went and fucked somebody else. It felt like I was being jaded.”

“Then why didn’t you say something before I did it?! Why are you telling me now that I can’t do anything about it? This whole fucking thing could have been avoided and please keep in mind that you brought this to me. You wanted the open relationship and not to say that I didn’t think it would benefit me too, because if I didn’t then I wouldn’t have agreed to it, but you were the one who has, for months, told me that you wouldn’t mind being open and you wouldn’t mind me going to have sex with somebody. And I knew you would be mad. And I knew it would cause problems. You told me it wouldn’t. Before I went with Cory I asked you clearly and explicitly, “There’s a guy who wants to hook up with me, is that okay with you? I want to be respectful. I don’t want to hurt you in any way.” YOU SAID IT WAS OKAY AND TO USE PROTECTION.”

“I know.”

The redeeming thing about her in the wake of this scandal was that she eventually stopped making excuses. Afterwards, I cooled off and tried to pretend like everything was okay. I went to her moms house with her, her brother Adam, and her daughter, and I played the happy girlfriend. It helped me a little bit, to get out of the room and to have a positive ecperience with her and the family. I truly love them all except for the stepdad, but that’s for another day when I’m feeling real spicy and angsty.

I think I took it as well as I possibly could have taken it.

Later on, either that night or the next day, she told Jane she couldn’t be friends with her anymore. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with her talking to her. I didn’t feel okay and I didn’t trust either of them in the slightest. So she told her and, after they had the conversation, I read the conversation. I no longer felt like she deserved privacy and so I had no qualms with reading it.

Basically, she told her that we had gotten into it over their conversations and that, since they both could agree that they didn’t know if they could just be friends without being flirty, that I had asked they not be friends anymore. Jane took it as well as I expected her to.

She went off, pretty much. “She’s allowed to go hook up with a random ass guy but you can’t even talk to me? She’s not hurt by our conversations she’s bitter and jealous that she can’t have her cake and eat it too.”

That set me off all over again because Rowan let her go unchecked. She didn’t own up to Jane. She owned up to me, but she let Jane completely fucking trash talk me and didn’t tell her that it was HER fault, that SHE had lied, that we had an AGREEMENT, that I had asked her EXPLICITLY before going to fuck Cory. All she could manage to say to Jane was “I just want to hide” “I’m just trying to keep everyone’s feelings from being hurt”.

Jane then went on to insult Rowan, by saying “The rowan I know wouldn’t just sit down and let her do this, if I pulled this shit on you it wouldn’t have been okay”. She eventually told Jane that she just needed to say goodnight and goodbye and stopped replying to her.

As far as I know, she hasn’t replied to anything Jane’s sent to her since. Jane texted her apologizing for blowing up and telling rowan to let her know when she makes a decision, apparently not grasping the realization that the decision had already been made.

Rowan has deleted the messages between them on messenger, so I will never know exactly what degree of flirting (or if that was all that was even going on) was happening. Part of me wonders if there was more and Rowan isn’t still just trying to save herself. I would surely hope the fuck not.

My mindset right now is essentially the way it was before if I’m being honest. I don’t trust her fully, not in the way I used to at least. I still feel like I was cheated on, not just for the flirting, but because of the nature that the information came to light with the lying and gaslighting. I no longer believe that she is as loyal as she has always claimed to be. But I’m able to forgive her in most ways. I can now see how her feelings about me and Cory had come into play. It was fast and I probably shouldn’t have jumped into it as fast as I did, but I also know my intentions with it were not anything more than just being curious about what hooking up with someone was like. I wasn’t even particularly attracted to him. I know I didn’t do anything wrong in our relationship. Maybe to other people who aren’t okay with other people being poly-amorous I did something wrong, but I take that in the same way that I take people thinking being gay is wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong in the context of me and her. Lack of communication is, ultimately, what created the whole mess, maybe on both parts. Not that it’s my fault that she lied, but in that maybe if I had pushed her a little harder to be open with me, and maybe if I had spelled my boundaries out more clearly, maybe we could have avoided the situation.

I don’t know what else to really say about it. I’ve called off talking to other people definitively for both of us. I messaged all the people that I had been flirting with or sending nudes to and told them that I couldn’t continue with it anymore. I apologized if it hurt them and they all took it well. No hard feelings, seeing as I was open and honest and apologetic about the situation.

So yeah. I got cheated on and found out on Christmas Eve of 2019. What a month this has been.

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sarcasticace · 6 years ago

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wait why is AME b2 so bad??

Under the cut because this gets long and kinda rant-y, sorry

- The writers should’ve never implemented double elimination. It helped this season feel different, which was something this book needed to be successful, but it only made it feel like the new characters left way too soon. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like we hardly got to know most of them. I get that it was so there was never an odd number of contestants, but they could’ve done something like… winner is exempt every other challenge or something.

- I am convinced the writers DID NOT know what to do with Ivy or Vince. Particularly Ivy. They kept switching between the 2D villain Adam-mancers love to petty hate to this really compelling (at least imo), complicated rival character. They should have stuck with the later AND they should have paired Ivy with MC at least once, leading to addressing her betrayal from last season: letting players forgive Ivy and move on (and rekindle their romance if players did that last season) or remain bitter towards her. But mostly pairing MC and Ivy in a challenge for the drama. It boggles my mind that both Ivy and MC are in the same season, but no one bothered to pair them up. I vaguely remember it was one of the reasons S10 didn’t tank. I might be remembering some details wrong, but in-universe, didn’t fans tune it to see that sweet MC/Ivy drama? Any good showrunner would have taken advantage and milked the hell out of it by doing whatever they can to put the two in the same room. I guess Carson being portrayed as incompetent subverted that, but Carson is a fictional character so that doesn’t count. If the writers weren’t going to fully take advantage of the Ivy/MC dynamic, they should have cut Ivy from the book entirely.

- The partners. This was such a brilliant idea, but omg did they fuck it up. Why did they ONLY pair MC with Slater, Vince, and Adam. I mean, of fucking course it’s Adam, but they should’ve made it so the contestants got new partners AFTER EVERY CHALLENGE. Not when Carson felt like it or something came up. And MC should never have been paired with Adam (or Mack and Derek for that matter). It should have been Ivy (for the above reason) and all the new characters especially if they were committed to the idea of double eliminations. That way players get to know the characters one-on-one before they’re gone. Obviously, Adam is gonna stick around till the end because he’s one of the LIs and he’s on the cover. Also because of the whole proposal setup. Making him one of MC’s partners is a waste of time when you have new characters that will be leaving way before him. Diamond scenes aren’t going anywhere. That’s where they’re putting LI character+romantic development nowadays. MC, Adam, Mack, and Derek seem to have formed a friends group. They interact the most and there are several entire chapters where those three (+Jen) are the only characters to appear. What’s the point? Just pull a Total Drama and bring back the old contestants in a season 10.2, but switch up the elimination order. Having said that, yes, we do get to interact a lot with Eden/Heath and Kiara, but not characters like Yvette and Rowan. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt like I knew more about Ryder, Lina, and Han in their short time than any of the new All-Stars. These are winners and VIPs of previous seasons. They should have something to offer! If the new characters mean nothing then why waste the assets. Take Yvette for example… she’s a mom and willing to use her kids to guilt people into not voting her off. Enough to make players dislike her, but besides that moments and a few single lines, she’s a throwaway characters. And to prove my point, PB didn’t even wait for AME2 to finish before recycling her character model for a minor patient character in Open Heart. I don’t care about PB reusing assets, but can they stop being THAT lazy for five minutes.

- There’s the fact that they didn’t do anything creative with partners outside of the ones involving the MC. Particularly the ones for the LIs. Vince, for example, didn’t get paired with Adam AT ALL despite their history. Just like with MC/Ivy, why would any showrunner worth their salt not want to capitalize on the drama between Adam and Vince? Same goes for the actual writers of this book. Why even have Adam around if not to spice things up with Vince?

- And since we’re on the topic of Vince… why did he not have that big of a role? I mean, on one hand, I kinda like that he’s just a diva and annoying. I’ll give B2 that much, they subverted my expectation of Vince being the main villain of this book, but in all honestly… they should’ve went with that route. It would’ve been exciting if MC would have to ally with Ivy in order to defeat a worse contestant. Then I was expecting Slater to be the secret big bad and Vince would be a red herring, but again… nope. Vince is just a diva and Slater plays rough. Those aren’t bad things, but they were also disappointing… much like the entire book. I know they didn’t want to copy what they did in the last book, but having this book’s finale just include your friends/LI rather than having it you vs. your rival is kinda lackluster imo.

- One last thing about Vince… he almost seriously injured Adam in one of the earlier chapters and it’s never brought up again. Ever! They could’ve included a scene later on, like B1 had with Zeke, where MC could decide whether to reveal they saw Vince mess with the controls and that’d sway the opinions of the jury house and affect whether or not they’d listen to him. But of course that’s not what happened. This is Choices so consequences are only every applied to the MC.

- This “dating Jen” drama should’ve been done in full back in B1, but only for players actually romancing Jen. No offence to the other LIs, but Jen was the most appealing. Having a forbidden romance with one of the producers? Narrowly avoiding getting caught and risking your chance of staying on the show? It’s way more interesting that Adam/Mackenzie all of a sudden falling for MC just because. We know PB has the coding power. They could’ve and should’ve done it If they’re gonna have multiple endings for RoD, of all books, then they should commit to a standard for their books and should’ve coded AME A LOT better. Hell, they should’ve just outlined the whole series better, but we ended up with… this.

- Also they need to do something with Mack’s backstory… her family is poor? She wants the prize money to put her sister through college. And yet she ONLY ever sabotaged Ryder then fell in love with MC and did nothing dirty for the rest of both seasons. If they weren’t gonna make Ivy a complicated rival character, they should’ve just cut Ivy all together and given that storyline to Mack. This is mostly a B1 complaint, but it follows through to B2 because they don’t commit with Ivy and don’t do much with Mack. They introduce her family, which was interesting, but idk she lost a lot of appeal for me in B1 when she fell head over heals for my MC for no reason. Mackenzie’s route had “slow burn” written all over it, but they neglected her. Either Mack should’ve been the rival LI or they should’ve cut her and made Adam fully customizable (like Hayden) then have Ivy fill the role of second female LI.

- Again with Mack… her complaining about cheating is really funny and kinda OOC. Like I mentioned before, she literally sabotaged Ryder because he was a jerk and she wanted to win. Did the writers forget about that? This was just one of several points that shows the writers did not care about their own story and characters.

- Also they needed to do something? … anything… with Derek. Poor man, he’s the only LI who gets how this show is played. He deserves better. I don’t talk about Derek much, but I honestly love this man. He’s just dull. He needs… anything. Give him anything. Like the only significant storyline they gave him, that I can remember, is his show-mance with Ivy and that was more Ivy’s storyline than his.

- And Bianca being friend-zoned despite PB bringing her back. Really? PB must know a lot of fans like her. At the very least a lot of tumblr fans. Idk why they wouldn’t want to capitalize on that. Did they really think it wasn’t a good idea to give her a few diamond scenes? Did neglecting her again make them more money? So instead of giving Bianca… literally anything, they give Slater, a completely new character, a couple of diamond scenes and let players be a little flirty with him.

- Having Eden/Heath and Kiara getting into an accident was a good twist, I was genuinely worried about them, but I gotta laugh that it took them both out of the competition. I mean, it makes sense. They were seriously injured. Realistically, they wouldn’t be able to compete, but their elimination brought the final 6 to MC, the LIs, Vince, and Ivy/Slater. Determinant 5 of 6 contestants are from S10 and one has been in 3 seasons, 2 of which he quit. That’s so dumb. Like… were there ANY in-universe fans who saw this and thought this show was rigged? I mean, more than fans normally would about reality shows?

- How did Mack, Adam, and Derek even get on this show? At first I thought MC was surrounded by celebrities. Bianca was a model, Han was an athlete, Ryder was a pop star, etc etc. I assumed everyone else were celebutantes or something and MC was the odd one out who got lucky when they stumbled across Whitney and Jen. But nah, Mack and Adam (and I think Derek too) are just college students who applied for the show to pay for tuition??? If they’re not famous or didn’t come from fame, why did Piper invite them to compete in the first place? What was so special about them that drew her attention. This is a minor complaint, but it’s just weird to see each of the LIs come from regular families like MC. Not that what we got was bad, but like… did they win a contest or something? What’s the deal? Idk if it’s in a diamond scene I didn’t pay for, but it really should be a free piece of characterization. It would’ve made me care more about the LIs and make them more memorable.

- Does anyone think the friendship/ally status does anything besides determine who votes for who at the end of the season? Why would they implement the friendship meter from ES if they don’t use it for alternate dialogue? Because they know most of the characters won’t be in the next book? Probably, but still. I can’t tell if Adam hating MC is any different then Adam being MC’s ally besides him voting for them at the end of S10, but even then, that doesn’t make sense because he has ample reason to not vote for Ivy. And yet he still votes for Ivy if he’s anything lower than ally. Again, mostly a b1 complaint.

- Someone had a great idea (I forget who, but please message me) that the LIs should be an auto vote and for the rest, whether or not they vote for your should be based on a percentage. The higher the relationship status, the higher the chance. Friends being 75%, neutral being 50% or lower, dislike/hate somewhere around 20 -15%. As an idea.

And that’s the major ones, I’m sure there are more other people can tack on.

#ask #anon #AntiAme #but also #America's Most Eligible #cause im bitter and i love this series

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storytimewithcort · 6 years ago

Text

Fresh Start (Part 5)

Fandom: Marvel, MCU

Basic Summary: Everyone’s favorite ol’ AU where we forget Infinity War ever happened! Loki and Thor are living with the Avengers because why not. Reader is hired to work for Tony and Pepper, and she and her son soon meet Loki. Etc Etc Etc - Part 5, The date goes pretty horribly

Pairing: Loki x Reader (Single Mom Reader)

Warnings: some semi suggestive language?, some dude being a tool. No smut, but some something something right at the end.

A/n: This chapter takes place directly after chapter 4. I rewrote a lot of this multiple times over until I felt like I couldn’t change it anymore for my own sanity. Hopefully this is the best version. I still need to do a major edit of the entire story to fix little grammatical things 😛

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

---------------------

The night started out great. Your friend, Lena, introduced her girlfriend with a huge grin on her face. She was obviously excited to show her off. The woman turned out to be extremely charming, kind, and very silly, which was exactly what you expected knowing Lena's tastes. You didn't even feel like a third wheel as the three of you got drinks at the bar while you waited for the remainder of your party to arrive.

At exactly 8 o'clock you heard a voice call out for Lena. She turned and greeted a rather short, but attractive man who was appeared about your age. He introduced himself and as you went to shake his hand he wrapped his fingers around your own and brought your hand up to his mouth, kissing your knuckles. You froze in place for a second.

First you couldn't believe this very action you once thought only happened in fairy tales had happened to you twice in the last month. Secondly you couldn't help but compare this to when Loki did the same few weeks ago. Even if Loki's actions had confused you in the moment, the little kiss had felt natural and it sent thrills through you. Loki's lips were soft and gentle. You wondered briefly why nothing like that had happened between you two since that moment. You had been spending more time together. He always showed up just as you were putting the kids down for naps and the two of you would read together, eat lunch, or just chat until they woke back up. It did get a little flirty sometimes, but nothing remotely like that little kiss happened again.

This was a different experience all together. This kiss was somehow too wet and too dry all at once, plus this man gripped your fingers so tightly they actually hurt. In fact, you attempted to pull out hand free and he held tight for another brief moment before releasing you.

Glancing around the large club you started to suggest getting a table, but suddenly felt you didn't want to be stuck inside a booth with this guy. You smiled weakly at him as you offered him the seat next to you at the bar. You all began chatting about work and college. It started out pleasant and he seemed like a rather smart guy, but you also learned quickly he was a unique combination of vapid and vain. He could steer any conversation back to himself, which you wanted to say was a good thing when first getting to know someone, but he didn't offer anything interesting. He kept bringing up how he was 'the best' in his fraternity, 'the best' in class, 'the best' in his internship for some telemarketing company, but never actually saying anything about what he did during those times or anything to give light into his personality.

Outside, Loki thought hard about where you would go. He figured you weren't going too far from Tony's house and you'd prefer somewhere close to a subway entrance. He knew you'd refuse to go anywhere that wouldn't allow you to get to Jonas in mere minutes in case of an emergency. Unfortunately his lack in specific knowledge of the city was proving unhelpful. Luckily, upon passing one club entrance he felt you. Your aura was easy to recognize if he focused. He waltzed in ignoring the bouncer who didn't dare stop him.

By the end of your second drink you were a bit tipsy and utterly bored. You hadn't even intended to have more than one drink because you didn't want to get drunk around a stranger. Plus, you could add drinking to the list of things you've done very little off lately. You kept drinking because it was something to distract from how uninteresting this guy was. Lena did her best to keep the conversation going and the mood light. She could tell you weren't into it and was doing her best to salvage the situation but she herself was getting distracted by the pretty girl on her arm who wanted to dance.

When the song changed to something a more minor and melodic compared to the uppity dance pop playing moments ago. Lena's girlfriend squealed with excitement and dragged her lady love away to the dance floor going on about her favorite song. You sighed to yourself, thinking maybe you did miss that connection more than you thought you did. They looked so enamored with each other as they cuddled up close on the dance floor.

Your date spoke up, placing his hand on your upper arm. You assumed it was an offer to dance, but you didn't have time to acknowledge him because this tall man was suddenly standing between you both having pushed away the man's arm. You looked up at him and were starstruck. Everything about him was dark, his hair, eyes and clothes that seemed straight out of a gothic novel. No, something straight out of modern telling of a greek tragedy. All in all, the look totally worked for you. Something about him was very familiar, but you couldn't place it. He smiled wickedly at you, but you didn't feel intimidated, his familiarity calming you. He offered you a hand and you accepted before your mind could even register the possible threat. You stood up to follow him.

You found yourself being pulled through the mob of people dancing until you were in a far corner, close to a hallway that led to bathrooms. Once he stopped moving, he turned back to face you and you found yourself being pulled close to him.

"Look, if it wasn't obvious, I wasn't exactly enjoying myself back there. But that doesn't give you the right to sweep me away. I can handle myself." You told this phantom suitor, as you came to your senses and placed both hand on his chest to push him away, but didn't actually move to do so.

"Perhaps." He drawled, "but isn't it fun to leave him wondering why he could not even compete with a stranger?"

You stared at him as he spoke, even if the voice was foreign to you, the way he talked was familiar too. You watched him smirk at you in a way you know you've seen before. As he began to sway slightly, you followed suit, letting him place his hands on your waist.

"Do I know you?" You asked trying so hard to retain a neutral expression.

"Not as well as I would like you to." He answered, his eyes not leaving yours as he did. You expected a cryptic answer and chose to ignore it.

"It isn't Halloween, why the costume?" You ask, maybe if he kept talking you'd remember how you knew him.

"I thought you'd like it. It's my modern take on something I knew you admired. A beautifully dark god, so you called him." As he spoke he moved one hand up your back and the resulting cool tingle up your spine was too familiar not to recognize. "With you all dolled up in green like a true goddess, I only found it fitting."

"No...." you said disbelieving, "how...you're not....you look...what are you doing here..." You mumbled again confused. It had to be him, you only ever felt this enthralled and simultaneously confused around him. "Loki?" You asked meekly.

The man laughed as a subtle glimmer washed over his face and sure enough Loki smirked back at you when it faded. "I'm truly impressed how little time it took you to figure it out."

"What are you doing here?" You repeated, your voice squeaking. The realization made you feel more intoxicated than you were seconds before.

"You said it yourself, you weren't enjoying that fellow. I came to help you out." As he spoke you vaguely heard steps coming up to you but it was too hard to discern them from other noises in the club.

"Did you followed me here?" You asked, trying to understand why he would come to a place like this, or if he really was just coming to find you.

"You followed her? What's your problem dude?!" A voice behind you boomed. You instinctively leaned into Loki more at the sound of anger, and felt relieved when he in turn held you tighter. Your date was then beside you, his face reddened in anger. He was glaring up at Loki with a grimace.

"Oh I have tons of problems, the biggest one at the moment is being called 'dude'." Loki retorted with a poisonous tone you weren't surprised he was capable of.

You didn't care for this guy, but still felt compelled to calm the situation before anything escalated. "I'm sorry for running off, that was rude of me. I should have said...something, but honestly, I wasn't feeling a connection with you and when my friend showed up I-"

You were forced to stop mid-sentence as your date grabbed your arm in a sorry attempt to pull you away. "Bullshit! This is a different guy that at the bar! You're just getting cozy with anyone huh? I was told you were desperate, but this is ridiculous."

You were completely taken aback by everything. His uncalled for rage, his accusations - all of it. "E-excuse me?!" You stuttered.

Before you finished speaking Loki had batted the man's hand away again. This time with a force that actually pushed the man back a few feet at the same time. He yelled out as he regained his footing and the disturbance started to attract a crowd. Lena walked up to you all, her face full of concern.

"What's going on?" She asked timidly.

"Your friend's not as easy as you claim, or maybe it's that she's actually too easy." He spat, nodding at Loki.

"I never said anything like that!" She said, and you couldn't tell if it was more to him or to you she was defending herself to. It didn't matter, you were done. Done with the whole night. Done with the bad date, done with whatever game Loki was playing at, done with whatever Lena was saying about you at work, done with being a spectacle for onlookers, just done.

Emotional exhaustion hit you fast and you pushed away from Loki and turned to walk away. You walked away quickly, dodging through the gawking crowd easily enough, they all obviously didn't want to be a part of whatever just transpired. You made it outside having ignored a few calls at you as you did. Taking a deep slow breath you tried to calm yourself. Everything could have been much worse, you realized, but it still didn't make you feel any better. You debated going uptown to Tony's or back home. You really wanted to cuddle with Jonas. Given it was a little after eleven you figured it was best to let him sleep without interruption. You started to walk towards the subway entrance. You weren't keen on taking it alone this late, but you also didn't want to walk all the way home. You make it around the corner from the club when you felt a tug on your hand. Your defenses flair up and you pull your hand back, whipping around to see who was there. Loki was standing there close behind you.

"Y/n..." He started tentatively.

Sighing, you turn fully you face him. "You shouldn't have interrupted. Everything was fine until you showed up."

"Was it? You were on a date with a ticking time bomb." He countered.

"It was fine, all I had to do was stand by for a little bit longer, then I would have excused myself and it would have been easy."

"Not at all! He tried to follow you out of that club, if your friend didn't get in his face he would have confronted you out here, outside of the safety of other people around." As he spoke your shoulders slumped.

You struggled to find something to say. "That's...it's..." You were too tired to think anymore. "Was he really that bad of a guy?"

"I'm afraid I'm not the best judge of that." Loki spoke solemnly.

"This was all a mistake. I knew I wasn't meant for this sort of thing. I should just go home." You said as a shiver ran down your spine. You left your jacket in the club. You looked back at the entrance and determined it wasn't worth it to get back. "I better hurry up, it's too cold to stay around here. I guess I'll see you later." Loki was heartbroken over how melancholy you sounded. You took a few steps, then surprised him by turning back around. "Um..actually, could I maybe go with you?"

Loki starred at you wide eyed for a moment, trying to decipher your meaning.

"I haven't spent the night alone anywhere in years. I just don't know if I'd be able to sleep with out Jonas being home...plus the tower's closer." You said and he smiled gently at you.

Loki offered you his arm like before and you took it. After a few steps, you nestled into him, looking for warmth. He guided you down the few streets until the large tower loomed over you both. When the warmth of the lobby was so comforting. Once in the elevator you looked over to Loki. "Hey, I am glad you showed up...but I don't still don't know why you did."

He looked back at you, "I already told you." His eyes caught yours.

"You couldn't have known my date would be that bad."

Loki nodded as if to say he surely did know your date was doomed. "I was sure he wouldn't be a good match for you regardless of who he was."

"Is it that obvious I shouldn't be dating?" You said lacking any self confidence.

"The fault isn't your own. They're all the ones not worthy." He reassured you with a conviction that seemed to radiate from his eyes into yours. It made you blush on the spot.

"Shush, I'm not that special. I have a son and a job that requires me to work about sixty to seventy hours a week. That leaves no free time and very little access energy. I'm not one to wear makeup and I almost always have some sort of stain on my shirt thanks to the kids. Not exactly what most people are looking for." You tried to argue you weren't that great of a catch, and you didn't even know why. However, after tonight you surely felt like you weren't that great.

A chime rang out in the elevator as it came to a halt, Loki looked at the floor that was selected and frowned at you. "Why did you pick that floor?"

You shrugged, "There's a twin bed for Jonas in the nursery, plenty of room for me. I figured-"

"Nonsense, what is the point of coming home with me, only to sleep all by yourself on a floor that I assume is bigger than your entire apartment?" His voice was smooth with that velvet tone again that you always were drawn to.

"So where?" You asked, feigning innocence.

"You're kidding. You know exactly where." He smirked, looking you up and down. The air the little elevator suddenly much thicker as he leaned over slightly to press the button for the next floor up.

"And that's ok with you?" You confirmed in a squeaky voice, just to make sure. You were the one who suggested this, but you felt all the same flush of nerves you got the last time he invited you to his room.

"Obviously." Loki's little chuckled at his remark sent a thrill through you. Why was it always like this.? He was so cool and collected as to make you never feel confident in knowing what he was thinking one moment and than the next he was oozing this aura that was nothing short of a siren's call pulling you into his gaze. Not so surprisingly seductive gaze.

You made it to his room again, it looked exactly like it did before. The only noticeable difference was your book sitting on his bed. This warmed your heart in a million ways. The full scope of what he was wearing hit you. The long suit jacket was certainly a modern take on the robes you looked at countless time. "Did you really dress up for me? Like in my book?" You gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, not entirely sure what to do with yourself as you waited for his response.

He walked to a dresser, pulling out a couple items before pausing and then turning to face you. "Everything I said tonight was true. You dressed like a goddess so I thought only best to dress as a god."

"I thought you were already a god? Doesn't that make anything you wear - dressing like a god?" As you spoke he held out a shirt in front of him, this one didn't look as nice as the one you borrowed before, but you were sure it was still immensely nicer than your typical sleepwear.

"Technicality. More fun to dress to impress." He mused walking back over to you, offering you a simple white t-shirt.

"I could argue you dress to impress all the time." You smiled, taking the shirt from him.

Loki sat on the edge of the bed next to you, "Does it work? Do I impress you?"

When you turn to look at him, you're struck by how close he really is. You couldn't help but lean in a little more as he quirked an eyebrow at you. What was with this guy? You were genuinely a little annoyed with him less than an hour ago, and now you were opening flirting with him. You had a hard time believing he dressed up, gorgeously by the way, all to impress you because he thought the same about you. Maybe it was the fact you were a bit lonely, maybe it was the allure of someone truly other-worldly, maybe it was how despite your responsibilities and schedule you spent hours and hours simply talking to this man about everything you could think of and enjoyed every minute of it, or maybe it was just how pretty his eyes were this close. No matter the reason, you definitely wanted to kiss him right now, and by the smirk on his face he knew it.

"You do."

"Good."

You couldn't say for sure if Loki moved incredibly slow or if time itself slowed down, but it seemed like you stared into his eyes for centuries. Then time hit you all at once, knocking the wind out of your lungs. Or maybe that was Loki's lips on your own, either way, you were utterly breathless and all other thoughts left you mind.

------------------

to be continued

Lovely people: @1v-kayla , @unicorniorosacomefrutillas, @jessiejunebug, @hiddlestonstansworld, @hey-liz-hey, @fortheloveofallthatsholy, @perceptorxbrainstorm, @kinghiddlestonanddixon, @ godhateskyleigh and hopefully I didn’t miss anyone ❤

#marvel imagine #loki x reader #loki fanfic #fresh start #storytime #Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #marvel au #loki imagine #mcu #mcu imagine

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seenashblog · 6 years ago

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Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies So You Don’t Have To

a.k.a. - Nash Records Her Viewings Of Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold. And yes, it’s a apparently a legit sub-genre. Best I can tell, if it’s not Christmas or Valentines, and there’s snow, then it goes. Spoilers abound.)

Note: This adventure has been moved to here from my main blog @seenashwrite, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for a while yet #bless my heart

As per last time during the Christmas round-ups, 4 and 5 stars mean the best of the lot, 3 stars means it’s not necessarily a waste of your time, 2 stars is up to your discretion, and 1 star means it is time you will never get back.

Winter's Dream (Kristy Hot Damn Swanson, Dean Mothafukkin' Cain - Hallmark)

With it packing this level of stardom, how can it go wrong? Understand that I can take or leave Dean Cain, but Kristy Swanson is the shit.

The official summary/another summary from somewhere:

When a former ski champion re-enters the competitive world after a 16-year-old downhill racer asks for help, she finds a new love and reawakens an old passion.

Former pro skier, Kat, is asked to coach a younger skier, named Anna, and finds love with the girl's widowed father, Ty.

These are both kinda garbage summaries - I mean, they're accurate, but it doesn't paint the whole picture. There's nothing really to spoil, and though it hits a couple things on a winter bingo (still forthcoming), they're more the Hallmark staples, such as the kid (in this case, a really great teen gal who's a good actress) who brings people together, and that the lodge/the resort is in danger of being lost, and somebody teaches somebody else how to skate, and that shit, but the bottom line is it's a fine watch. It's not spectacular, but it's not dipped in cheese, and there's some really pretty shots of the skiing (especially something they do at the end), plus kudos for the body doubles (the ones doing the actual skiing) were spot-on, and the teen actress did an impressive end-of-run stop at one point, you know it's her because she immediately whips off her mask.

Bottom line, this movie woulda been ass if not for Swanson and Cain, who didn't have greeeeat chemistry, though they made it work. In any event, the script was solid - like I say, not a great deal of cheese and any lines that were aren't sticking out to me because they were delivered so well - so I'm actually gonna rate this one decently high.

4/5 stars

Love on the Sidelines (this dude who's been in three movies I've seen so far, John Reardon, and some basic blonde chick who is vaguely familiar - Hallmark)

This isn’t technically a winter one, I don’t think, but it’s on, so it counts.

So they try to throw you from the get-go with "Is injured dude gonna be the love interest which is totally inappropriate since he's her boss and clearly got about 12 years on her and has made multiple patronizing comments to her, about how physically strong she is and about her classic car and about her abilities in general, or is it the other dude on the team who took an immediate interest in her and has thus far been polite and respectful and friendly and flirty?"

(By the way, main dude has cock-blocked his friend, but he has a model girlfriend [who is styled to be a stereotype from extensions to heels] and it's also shown he has no idea about stuff she likes/is into, such as her favorite flowers - but chick knew because she had 'em out for their romantic dinner. That's right, it's part of her assistant duties - and she's supposed to be helping him with activities of daily living stuff - is to prep his bone zones.)

If they make dude #2 turn out to be a douche and that main dude is somehow awesome underneath all his shit----- what am I saying, of course they are. The latter, that is. You know I'm right. Hundred percent.

People are like losing their chickens over this jersey she's tailored to be a "girl fit" - you know what I mean, it's not a box with sleeves, there's tailoring to it, so the sleeves aren't so ginormous and it's tapered on the sides. This jersey's been the topic of about three interactions thus far and we're only 40 minutes (so 30 mins airtime) in. They're all "Wow!" and "This is so creative!" and "My wife would love that, where'd you get it!" Y'all, google for this, that type of jersey, I mean. [pause] Nevermind, here:

I put in the mystical combo of "women's NFL football jersey".

THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY

Hey, and heh-heh.... quick bonus....

WHYENNE!!!! THAT BITCH IS EVERYWHERE

But hey, how else would we know that fashion design is her passion? Scriptin' be hard, yo. Speaking of her clothes skillz - "I think there's more to him," she says to BFF, whose wedding dress she's fitting. First, *eyeroll*. Second, if your friend is trying to watch a football game and learn the basics, don't let them fit you for your farging wedding at the same time. Which is what is happening.

There's twinkly magical music when his hand runs over hers when they're both searching under the couch, feeling around for his dropped cell phone.

*more eyeroll*

I do like the car, it's a red Mustang.... early 70s, maybe?.... but I can say I don't care for the shade of red, it's a little too cherry popsicle or hooker scarlet lipstick.

(My dream car is probs a Mustang muscle in black, but as far as zoom-zooms go, I tell ya, a friend of mine had a Porsche Boxster, and What. A. Ride., and he'd offered to teach me how to drive stick on it - not a euphemism, I swear, I was 16, my dad was his mentor, he's like the child my father never had - I'M A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT OKAY - so like my big brother, and anyhow, it was so beautiful I gasped at the very thought. But sweet babby jeebus, those suckers are smooth rides. None of this matters.)

Anyway, she keeps having trouble starting it, and I can tell by the sound it isn't the alternator, nor is it the battery, nor is it a belt, nor is she flooding the engine. I know fuck-all about cars as a general rule, but I know those sounds because I've experienced all of them. It has now gone to commercial, as he's just looked under the hood and announced after 3.8 seconds "Yup, I think I see your problem." He must have x-ray vision. I am on pins-and-needles, shivering with anticipation.

Back from commercial, he's shutting the hood and she's saying "Wow you did it!" and wiping grease from his face. He's got an absolutely wrecked calf/ankle/foot (and straight up, they've done a good job making it all seem legit, props to... well, props... and make-up), but you're telling me he was standing and bent over long enough to get all greasy, and he's supposed to be - most of the time - either sitting or standing with that bitch elevated. This was stupid. This was a stupid, wholly unnecessary scene. Oh except we find out - because it's visible in the back seat - that she's read his children's book.

That's right. He's written a children's book.

Dude's mom: "I think he's dating the wrong type of women". Subtle, screenwriters, subtle. Now he's sneaking and working out. I really hope they show his ankle buckling out at a wicked angle. I'm gross like that. Twinkly music plays as she waits for him in the locker room while he's in with the sports trainer because he shouldn't have been working out.

Forgot to mention there's an awesome dog, this really beautiful Dane, and of course it loves her and hates Stereotype, because reasons for him to go ga-ga. She's honestly not bad, I have zero issue with the actress, nor with this actor, they're actually both good, but between the music and this script, I'm fighting over what rating to give it. (Checks clock) Welp, the next 45 minutes should tell me. It's dragging ass, I'll tell you that, though.

Like, nothing's happened. Nothing. He has an injury, she's his new personal assistant. I can list traits they each have. I've seen groups of moments. I don't know what the story is. Is it just "they get closer and fall in lurve"? That's... not a story. That's a series of facts. People meet their partners/spouses via the workplace all the time. What's the plot? What's the conflict? The obstacles? The tension? The OOMPH, I'd call it, is missing. This is what kills me about most fanfic - they just tell me stuff, they aren't showing me a new perspective or a twist or a unique take or differing interpretation that's still supported by canon, or an inventive plot that or what-the-hell-ever. Dean and Whyenne were in the bunker and they researched and they cooked and they talked about Cas and Sam, and they argued about her going on a hunt, then they kissed, the end! That's not a story, that's a daydream. I've digressed.

Now he's texted her "the emergency code" while she's at her best friend's wedding, and turns out it's because he's cranky because his sister said he's got to learn how to not be the center of attention. And she - I am proud to say - lets. Him. Have. It. Part of what she says is - Can you do *anything* for yourself?! And he goes - This! And he kisses her, and it takes her off guard, but then they go for it, and I am actually happy for them.

Shit. I still hate that this isn't a story, but holy hell the difference when some conflict is introduced. Ahhhhhmazeballs. Conflict, however minor, is what shows us who these people we're watching/reading really are - and no, conflict does not mean angst, nor does it mean some sort of heart-breaking, can't-take-it-back fight, nor does it mean life-and-death, just divergent paths or opinions is all it takes. I've digressed again.

My interest is piqued because we have a half-hour to go, and typically this is how Hallmark blows their wad in the last fifteen.

[time passes]

Okay, a couple things turned out decent. Y'all will *love* what the best friend pulls at the end, and she and her hubby have been great throughout, but this one particular thing was clutch. And everybody had chemistry, family and friends and romance alike. It just can't help the lack of story, and I really detest the manner in which they made lead dude a jerk - there's other ways to do that besides going the lazy route, a.k.a. being sexist. It's not as bad as a two (a.k.a. - this is a matter of taste), because there's some objectively good stuff.... on the other hand, my lord is dragged. So I'm going with a three, because it's a toss-up as to whether you're gonna really like it, or think "Meh".

3/5 Stars

One Winter Weekend / One Winter Proposal (Taylor Cole, some other people - Hallmark)

So the former was in last year's winter line-up, the latter in this one. Taylor Cole played Sarah Blake on SPN. I see she's also on deck for some detective thing on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries.

And.... that's all I got to say about that.

I genuinely tried to watch these. They played them back-to-back, and speaking of backs, mine was acting up so I was laid out, and I thought - all right, this'll kill some time. And I fell asleep at 6 p.m., y'all. I took ibuprofen, I was not getting liquored up, I slept plenty the night before, and I fell the fuck to sleep. These movies are boring as fuck.

I saw no sparks, and there were two couples from which to divine said spark. The co-lead chick was incredibly annoying, she plays everything too perky, and it's really evident in scenes with her romantic interest, who is a good actor and came off completely naturally. Actually, he should've been the main-main male lead, I bet he'd have had great chemistry with Cole, who's a better actor than the dude they had her paired with, but I say all that to say, the script was... meh. The pacing of both movies was weird, and the conflicts that were in them (see above for discussion on what conflict in stories actually is) were nothingburgers. It was stupid. Don't waste your time, seriously.

1/5 stars

We interject for a non-review that needs to be mentioned. Oh, Lifetime. Holy shitsnacks.

Double Mommy (I... I don't know... people... - Lifetime)

This is the synopsis:

Ryan discovers his friend Bryce is the father of one of his girlfriend's twin babies and that he date raped her at a party over the summer. With college looming over Bryce's head, he will stop at nothing to make sure that he clears his name.

Because the guys' feelz are what's important, here.

The Birthday Wish (Jessy Schram, who only acts one way and that is coked-up squirrel with blonde barrel curls - Hallmark)

This is the official summary, and it should let you know how pleased I was to watch this:

On her birthday, a woman who desperately wants her boyfriend to propose to her wishes for the opportunity to see into the future, with surprising results.

'Cause I love seeing "desperate" and "woman" in the same sentence about my main character! This was precisely what you think based on the summary - though I will say Schram doesn't play it "desperate" so that was kind've a weird word for them to use - she somehow has these premonitions (it's never explained) and the boyfriend's a dick and she ends up with her co-worker who's a great guy. The end.

1/5 stars

Once Upon A Prince (Megan Park, who is familiar though I don't know how, and a quite charming British fellow who isn't really, he's actually from Canada by way of New York but sounds really damn convincing - Hallmark)

Also unsure this is “winter”, but it’s worth talking about. Seriously. Still, let's get the shite - and it's minor! - out of the way.

First complaint: they blew their wad in the title. Not that we don't get the scoop fairly quickly, but... welp, no we don't, the beans aren't spilled for a while - they *easily* could've skirted it, and they HAVE, it's very nicely and smoothly done, I mean, you can divine it but it's not plot anvil'd, his situation unfolds gradually across the first act, which is so refreshing. Whoever titled it was the screw-up. I'm looking at you, Hallmark execs. All their titles spoil.

Second complaint... despite the adept nature they handled main dude's backstory, there's a really bad clunker of an anvil in that first bit - we know exactly how he's gonna propose to her in the end because they shoe-horned in really abrupt and almost non-sequitur dialogue for her wherein she tells him her dream proposal not terribly long after meeting him. It was weird and awkward. I mean, the fuck. I get she was still rattled as her longtime boyfriend with whom she had both business and personal futures planned out breaking up with her in the prior scene(s), but shit. They do recover a bit by having our dude - and damn, I love him, I genuinely do - comment something to the effect of "Well oftentimes it's easier to tell a stranger things we can't tell the ones to whom we're close". My point is, they knew it was a dog of a line, but I thought of three options to get the topic out there over the course of them getting to know each other just while I’ve sat here typing this recap - hell, they revisit the damn location later, when they are friends vs. strangers! It was bad writing.

Third complaint... y'all know by now: I hate the fake made-up countries. And this one is (wait for it) Cambria. Google Cambria. Go ahead. I'll wait. [pause] Nevermind, I'll just tell you, and this isn't because I have some bizarre encyclopedic knowledge of the way-back-when in Jolly Ol', it's because - well - I'm a reformed dinosaur nerd, and that overlaps with having an understanding of geology, because fossils. There, I said it. There were charts and sketches and stuff of the various periods of dino development from National Geographics on bedroom walls. I had it bad. For the record, I loved the book Jurassic Park, and the first movie was great, and the rest are good for laughs. The last two are good for mocking. I probably would've been a paleontologist, except for when my Christian father, who at the time I thought was the smartest man in the world (and he is objectively intelligent in many ways) told me God put the dinosaurs in the earth, that there's no way the earth is as old as science proves. (I say proves, he said claims.) 'Cause, y'know, an almighty being is totes into pranks. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Funsies. I've digressed.

The quick-and-dirty is that the Cambrian is the geologic period that's from around 550 million years ago. (Okay this part I'll look up, because I'm so nerdy.... yup, I see it's 542-488 mil.) Anyhow, the dude that coined the name found the goods, the exemplars that proved this stage in earth history/backed up earth's age in Wales. And the area now known as Wales used to be called Cambria a way long time ago. Not millions time ago, of course. Trilobites and whatever can't speak... THAT WE KNOW OF. So I don't know if somebody was just like "Oh, that sounds like it could be a country" or somebody was being cute, thinking Cambria wasn't real, like it was something akin to Camelot, I've no idea. Who cares, it's stupid.

However.

Guys.... y'all.... my peeps.... um.... this'n is a keeper, so I'm not going to break it down and spoil it. It is very much worth watching, if you're into these types of movies, because it differs in a huge, very positive manner. Here's why this movie is above average for Hellmark: there's legitimate conflict (see above, re: what that means), and - most importantly - they are friends. They are buddies. They genuinely like each other. This isn't just about romantic love, this is about two people who care about what happens to each other. They care that the other person is living a life in which they are happy.

There's also some realism here, not because it's an identical situation (it is not, trust) but in the broad strokes, I think of the Prince Harry-Meghan Markle situation. Middleton is uppercrust Brit stock, if memory serves (I'm not looking it up) with some sort of pseudo-distant-whatever royal line connection. She was gold for William, she's a good option for a queen (I mean, I'm sure there's duchesses out there, but that ain't who Wills loved). Now, Markle? So far from what would be called uppercrust. So, so very far. And yeah, yeah, I get that it's not as big a deal since he's not direct but more adjacent in line to the throne, but c'mon. It was a big deal. And you know all the ways why, I won't go through them here. My dude broke about a bazillion years' worth of tradition, and good on him.

And at the end of the day, that's what this movie is about - making your own way, creating your own traditions, adapting the old traditions, having confidence to do the things you're good at, the things you believe you're meant to do, and doing them the way you think is best. Is this a deep movie? No, it's fucking Hallmark, haven't you been paying attention? You think they let us escape without a super-rushed, wrap-it-up-in-the-last-five-minutes ending? You know better. I'll tell you this, though - it may not be deep, but it ain't shallow. And it's the best royal movie we've had so far, despite the too much haste with information-giving in the beginning and with the title and, as you'll find out, a really bleh last line... and of course with him being king of Fossilville. (I'm not letting that go.)

You're going to love him, he's a doll and classy and darling the entire time. You're going to love her, she's self-assured and fun and mature and hard-working. And you're really going to love John the valet. We find ourselves at ratings time and, somewhat shockingly:

5/5 stars

Past entries below

Winter Castle (people you’ve never heard of - Hallmark)

Holy shit, cliché on parade and nobody can act?! Jack-friggin’-pot. Zero chemistry amongst anyone, from family to friendship to romance?! Hot damn.

So they’re all at this place for a destination wedding (a.k.a, Selfish And Life-Disrupting And Huge Expense For Guests Thing And Oh Here’s Our Registry Too, come at me brah), and everyone is staying in a hotel. HA! KIDDING! They’re all in this giant faux igloo, and by “faux” I mean there are these church-esque doors in what is, I guess, a specially-flown-in iceberg on land. Google tells me it’s an actual place.

Anyway, through the doors you’ll find hallways (that have people carved into them, not creepy at all) which are lined with rooms. Suites? I never saw a bathroom door, doesn’t damn matter, nobody poos in Hallmark’s world. Oh, also, for lighting, we have Target pillar candles, then everything’s backlit in ‘80s neon:

Are they shitting me?

But that’s beside the point. Point is, it may be pretty to look at but in execution, it’s stupid. No way people haven’t had to peace out and find a new joint to stay in because of near or actual hypothermia. Based on the warm, cozy, wood-floored, windowed, staircase-and-balcony-having rehearsal dinner area in a large building with stone wall exterior, this hotel actually has some, y'know, hotel to it. Lodge? Who cares, but I bring it up because of the standard precocious child who is there to bring everybody together whilst turning into a popsicle.

The poor kid is bundled within an inch of her life, dumb bunny-eared toboggan to puffy jacket, and is burrito’d in a sleeping bag, with a quilt on this bed that looks to be carved out of ice, as well, and I say “as well” because our leading lady is shown frequently perched on what looks to be a chair carved out of ice (fur puffy thing for ass protection) with her laptop on a table carved out of ice when she’s face-timing her Not Gay Male Best Friend in a bow-tie and sweater vest back home, and - bonus! - he doubles as The One Person Of Color. Now, if memory serves, legit igloos made by actual First Nation(s) folks (meaning both Canadian and American - specifically, Alaskan - and probs any groups that found themselves in the way-way-North in the way-back-when and had to come up with this genius or, you know, die) are actually pretty damn warm once the fire gets cranking. Not to say you don’t keep some fierce socks and gloves on, that’s plain smart, but enclosed space with heat is enclosed space with heat - just don’t lick the walls. That’s good advice, igloo or otherwise.

On that topic, via the article linked above, says one of the actresses:

“It’s like an igloo,” Mullen told the Standard. “The further you go into the hotel, it gets colder and colder. As you walk down the hallway into the different rooms, it’s just getting into your bones.” She said every time they called “Cut!,” everyone would put on jackets to warm up.

She’s incorrect - that’s not like an igloo. It’s too big, that’s why it doesn’t stay warm. I have *zero* desire to go to this place. That sounds like Dante’s Frosty The Snowman circle of hell. I digress.

I say all that to say, this movie is straight dumb because the script is basic bitch, they were leaning on the location and hard. It gets a star because they tried in the sense that they did use a unique setting, but the rest was neglected (the story and the casting). Everything else was so blaaaaaand, and the acting was so stilted and unnatural, and they cast the mother with someone who looks the exact same age as the lead gal/her sister (the bride), and then there’s this one chick character who was so pathetically desperate, and the leading man was such a pussy who wouldn’t make a fucking decision, and they had our leading lady be all *sniffle* and tolerating that shit AND SHE JUST MET HIM BY THE WAY, and I just…. ugh.

1/5 stars

Royal Matchmaker (Bethany Joy Lenz - Hallmark)

This isn’t an “official” Winter '19 jam, google tells me it’s from the '18 spring movies, but everybody’s bundled up, so I’m calling bullshit. It ain’t half-bad, despite the fact that it’s a “royal” one, who’d-a-thunk? There was one over Christmas that got a 4 (see link up top), and I never would’ve predicted it. But that was an oldie-goldie, this is now. This one has the traditional royal romance beats and, no shit, the sidekick is the same one from another “royal”, the absolutely horrid “Christmas At The Palace”, from Christmas ‘18. I cannot reiterate how bad that movie was - not ”My Christmas Love“ bad, but bad.

All right, so - she’s a matchmaker from NYC, which is at least a new take on what’s coming next - and you guessed it, a prince HAS to get married or some reason, even though it’s mentioned they are under a Parliamentary system and not a monarchy, but he still has to because it’s the 17th century, oh wait no it’s not. The king, who is from a random made-up locale (*sigh*) has hired her (and said partner) to find a suitable wife for his son, who’s presented as the typical eligible rich bachelor, and “presented as” is the key phrase. It’s one of the things I like about this plot, but it doesn’t outweigh the bleeeccchhh.

For one, it wears me out, the making-up of countries. It’s distracting. If you’re gonna do royalty, the right move is to have the royal not be a king/prince but make it a duke/duchess jam, refer to the locale vaguely as a duchy in England or Ireland or Scotland or Sweden or Norway or whatever Americans will fall for, 'cause as a rule, Americans aren’t typically hip to other countries’ jams. Hell, say someone is a prince/princess, but it’s more in inherited title only - that’s what the 4 from the Christmas list did right. Nobody called him “Prince Whatever”, he wasn’t presented as this hot commodity, it was a nothing burger, we didn’t even find out that he had the title til near the end of the movie. I’ve digressed, back to this flick.

I detest the royal garb they’ve got lead dude in at the conclusion, it looks like you or I waltzed into Party City and slapped down $30 and walked back to the set. It’s ill-tailored and in too-bright colors and is, again, something utterly distracting that could’ve been avoided, and same with the king’s, too-small jacket to too-long length of slacks. All the women, including our main gal, are in prom dresses straight off the rack from Sears and J.C. Penney’s. This is not praise. The men are all in identical rented tuxedos with clip bow-ties. Thanks, I hate it.

I mean, and I hate that there’s a ball at the end at all, but it goes hand-in-hand with the core premise, which is that they’re on a tight schedule - ol’ Bethany has 4 weeks. They, of course, fall in love with one another, and props to casting because these two look good together and have decent chemistry, but that could be because Lenz knocks these movies out of the park - this is the third… maybe the fourth… that I’ve seen with her - she elevates everything she’s in. When I mentioned her to a friend, I was told she also elevated some shitty TV show that I never watched, so perhaps you are already familiar with her.

Anyhow, once again there’s too much filler and the ending draaaaaaags and then BOOM it’s done in the last three minutes, which is standard for these movies (both Lifetime and Hallmark), I’d say, about 95% of the time. The story was good in that the prince wasn’t a typical playboy and he kept his philanthropic side a secret because he didn’t want press invading these small villages and whatever he was helping rebuild - he genuinely likes getting his hands dirty and he actually knows how to do shit, he fixes a radiator at a community center at one point. Eh. I dunno. It had such potential in the front half, then just shit the bed in the back half, so it was half of a waste of my time. But you may dig it. It’s far from the worst of Hallmark’s offerings but, again, I think it’s because of Lenz, she’s the only thing getting it up from a 1/5.

2/5 stars

Oh… oh mah… what the… we interrupt the winter fare for what looks like a rando that’s snuck in and christ on a cracker, no. No. No. NO. The summary:

A woman begins an online relationship with a famous photographer, not realizing that she is actually communicating with the man’s young son.

This caught my ear because as I was sitting here writing up the last movie, it came on, and I hear this woman’s voice, her typing (so it’s her voice in her mind), then a man’s voice (as she’s reading), and I looked up when the man’s voice started switching to a kid’s (boy’s) voice back and forth every sentence or so - and then I looked at that summary, and….

"Chance at Romance”, it’s called –> 0/5 stars, I don’t even need to watch it, what a stupid garbage fucking premise, and it’s gross, and I hope that shit kid gets punished, like as in, no computer til he’s old enough to own his own home and pay for his own internet, because scumbag kid. If he has the balls to pull this catfishing shitstorm on a fucking adult and gets away with it, what the fuck will he do to manipulate girls his own age? Gross. IT’S A GROSS PREMISE YOU GREETING CARD FUCKTARDS

Love On Ice (Andrew Walker, who’s in every fourth movie, and the lead chick’s familiar her name is Julie Berman - Hallmark)

Former pro skater, now teaching - don’t worry, it’s not the aforementioned “Christmas At The Palace”, despite the similar M.O. - and decides to go for one last run at regionals because the new coach in town who’s teaching the next big thing is like “You used to be the next big thing, why don’t you undo eight years of not training aggressively in, like, a couple weeks and compete against the girl I’ve been hired to make a winner, and I’ll coach you both, because I have a boner for you and your shitty blonde extensions! No, that’s not what he says, but that’s the deal, yo. The next-big-thing’s got an overbearing mother and, once his boner gets found out, here comes a new coach that used to be the former-next-big-thing’s coach, and she’s a horrible actress, she can’t play sneaky-evil to save her life. I liked the two leads, and they did a better job than the other ice skating scenes/movies with concealing the real skater actors, but overall this was as boring as watching paint dry, I just wanted it to be over.

1/5 stars

The Perfect Catch (Nikki DeLoach and… shock of all shocks, no not really… our old buddy, Andrew Walker - Hallmark)

I swear, I don’t know if Andrew Walker is on some mission from god, or being punished by him. I’m in the same boat, so I empathize. At least I’m not contracted. I can’t speak for him, but I remain happy for DHJ, that he’s escaped this purgatory, and is safe on the shore… at least, at present.

In any event, this one doesn’t seem like a "Winter official”, but there were jackets and no definite spring or fall standards (pastels or orange leaves), and it’s airing now, so here we are. It seems to be baseball season, so I know they mean for it to be spring, but they are wearing coat-coats, not it’s-still-kinda-chilly light jackets. I don’t fucking care, I watched it, so I’m reporting on it.

It ticks many boxes on the Winter Fanfic Bingo card (forthcoming), specifically the ones that are carryovers from Christmas and will be carried over to all the Hallmark/Lifetime movies regardless of time of year. Because being formulaic, when playing the long game, is cheap and efficient, and in the restaurant business, or products made on a factory line, or in healthcare standards, things of that ilk, you want streamlined coupled with the trieds-and-trues. In writing? Not-so-much. It’s lazy.

And speaking of restaurants, that’s the first box that got ticked - our leading lady owns a restaurant and, next box, it’s in danger of being lost. Other boxes include: our leading man is famous; he’s the character that comes back home, leaves/might leave, then changes mine/comes back, and it’s to stay!; adorable child who ideally will bring everyone together; a character’s parents are dead. Blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blaaaaah-blah-bleh. <—- that had more variety than this flick. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with this movie. It’s vanilla. It’s white bread. It’s mashed potatoes with no salt or a touch of sour cream mixed in, no loading with shredded sharp cheese and crumbled brown sugar-and-cracked-pepper bacon and the barest touch of chives. I’m hungry, shut up.

It doesn’t just get 1 star because it’s not bottom barrel - everyone’s competent in their acting, there’s nothing outlandishly stupid about the script, it’s not shellacked in Velveeta. I will say that they pull a little teensy, micro-twist with how they resolve his balancing a primo offer that in no way should he pass on career-wise fairly realistically. The very last scene is, of course, stupid and embarrassing.

2/5 stars

The next movie has palm trees, so officially not Winter. But oof…. it’s got Kelly Rutherford and Cameron Mathison, both of whom are ringers. Hmmm. Yeah, I still ain’t subjecting myself to more than needed for this adventure. Oh, and they continue to play the basic-basic-BAAAAASIC-boring “Hope At Christmas” on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries", if you’re interested. It is a mystery to me as to why they continue to do so. Anyhow, there’s apparently 3 or 4 more brand spanking new offerings from Hallmark for the next several weeks.

More to come. I’ll reblog this with every new entry added to the top, so you can always just keep this post URL bookmarked if you think you missed it. Send an ask if you want to be tagged.

#Nash Watches And Rates #Cheesy Winter Movies #so you don't have to #Cheesy Movie Talk

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