#like. to a lot of people ‘freak’ also just means ‘person who might be autistic or schizophrenic’. the list goes on

[phleb0tomist]

while i’m on this topic. to anyone with “freaks dni” in their bio, do you know the history of the word ‘freak’? do you know that it came into common use because of freakshows, which largely showcased disabled people (specifically physically deformed people) and intersex people? do you know that to a lot of folks, even today, “sexual freak” is a direct synonym for “person who has consensual sex with someone of the same gender”? are you aware of the subjectivity of the word you’re using, and the historical (and current) hatred behind it, and the fact that people cannot read your mind and will not know what random groups of ‘disgusting’ people you’re talking about just from a single broad-purpose word?

[thefallenangel2008]

More Autistic Sea Grunkles headcanons because I'm a sucker for them and I love projecting on my favorite characters. I guess you could call this a part 2??? Idk but here it is.

Ok, so, I imagine them having some rules about what goes in the fridge and whatnot because of sensory issues. If Stan has food Ford doesn't like in the fridge he's gonna eat everything possible but that food to avoid it and live off protein pills or however these things are called. I mean, he's already done it while traveling through dimensions so he can easily do it again. Now, when Ford puts food in the fridge Stan doesn't like there's a chance he might throw it away in the ocean (he's already done it twice) and eat only stancakes until the ingredients run out. When they do, he's just not gonna eat. I imagine them both having many foods they couldn't eat as kids but when they got in their respective little adventures (homelessness and dimension traveling) they managed to overcome some of their sensory issues because they had no other choice (and when I say "overcame" I mean managing to get used to the not-THAT-bad-but-still-not-gonna-eat foods). But yeah, they still have a bunch of foods they don't like. :P

I already talked about them not talking when they're overwhelmed but now I want to ✨expand that thought✨ a little more.😍 I already said about them going nonverbal on eachother and comforting eachother when one of them feels overwhelmed, but hear me out. Ford is the quiet autistic and Stan is the loud autistic. Personally I see Ford as the type of autistic person who will regularly go nonverbal when feeling overwhelmed. He used to do a lot as kids Stan has learned the tricks and how to calm him down. And now, when it comes to Stan. Stan never shuts his mouth, never. He's always been the loud one out of the two. So when Stan goes nonverbal Ford freaks tf out because, even though Stan has felt plenty of times overwhelmed, and Ford has been there to comfort him, when he goes nonverbal he KNOWS things are THAT bad. Especially now, when his recovering mind relives traumatic events that happened to him during homelessness. During a particularly bad PTSD episode Stan hadn't uttered a word for a full of 4 days until one night at 3:00am he told Ford to take a break from his research and go to sleep. When Ford managed to coax out of him what was this memory he remembered, Stan had titled it as the "Tijuana Incident" (yes, I'm still not over that one Stanley bit from the website, that old man is a victim and he deserves better).

Also sounds. Stan doesn't really have a big problem with loud sounds, it usually depends on the day, his mood, the size of the room he's in and how loudly the people are talking in said room. But he hates repetitive sounds. Ford is a tad more sensitive when it comes to sound than Stan. Loud noises, more particular. He remembers his ma telling him the story of the day him and Stan graduated from kindergarten and there was a party afterwards, and the loud music had made him cover his ears and cry. He doesn't mind repetitive sounds as much as Stan does. But ringing, he does.

Part 1

[nugatorysheep]

What your favorite SU character says about you but it's just mean as fuck

Steven — How is being a mentally ill, people-pleasing queer going for you? Did your mommy issues and anxiety resolve themselves yet or are you still avoiding therapy?

You either disliked or were neutral about him until he got a neck. You think Future is peak cinema (correct) and can't understand why everyone else hates it. You have a better grasp on this show's characters and themes than most of the people who watched it.

Connie — You were likely the gifted kid in school but a total burn-out now. You either see a lot of yourself in this character (How are those helicopter parents of yours doing? Have you gone no-contact yet?) or you're a normie and boring to sandbox with. Probably both.

You've got a lot of Feelings™️about her and if people don't agree it causes Problems™️. In case no one has told you yet, stop caring what other people think. Your constant virtue signaling to appeal to other normies is a crutch that's just holding you back. It's okay to have fun!!

Stevonnie — You want to fuck this character, though you'd never say that out loud. You like Steven and Connie; maybe you like one more than the other, but you like both at least a little. If you're using them for shipping you're the only person in the entire fandom doing whatever hyper-specific ship you've latched onto.

Rose and or Pink — You really suck as a person! Or you used to suck but you've gotten a lot better and we stan! If you're the former you almost certainly have terrible takes on this show (but not in the way people might think), sorry, I don’t make the rules. Either way, you gotta stop finding ways to bring her back, dawg. She's gone.

Greg — You're a man (positive) and gay as hell. Gentleman on the streets and a fucking freak in the sheets. We stan. Pop off king <3

Garnet — If you headcanon her as acespec she is not actually your favorite, Ruby and Sapphire are your favorite, but you like them both equally so you just say you like Garnet. If you headcanon her as anything else you're definitely shipping her with one of the other gems, probably Pearl or Jasper.

Amethyst — Super chill person. Would be in most people's dream blunt rotation. You're a live and let live kinda guy and I respect that, but you also have no hills you'd die on so you're not the first person anyone goes to if they need serious support. You can get away with misinterpreting this character (on purpose or accidentally) because it's hard to say things about her that most people won't just shrug at and go "yeah that sounds right I guess"

Pearl — You're annoying as hell. You see yourself in this character and that's not a good thing. Your social media presence gives off the same energy as every white woman's Instagram profile. If being a victim was a contest you'd take home the gold.

You think everyone is out to get you. They're not.

You think you're being persecuted. You're not.

Most people who see you from a distance and don't know better think you're alright, so you're probably pretty well-liked in public. The only people you will get along with in close quarters are all walking mean lesbian stereotypes.

Peridot — You're annoying as hell for a different reason. You see yourself in this character too and that is a terrible, terrible thing.

She's your pfp on every website and app that will allow it. Your lifeblood is this fucking character and e v e r y o n e will know it. You're weirdly possessive of her and the hyper specific headcanons you made for her (even if you don't say that) despite every grass-fearing autistic person on the internet projecting onto her, so ironically you don't like other Peridot fans, which always ends up with you sitting alone even on websites with millions of people on them.

90% chance you're a furry, otherkin, therian or think you have DID. You think you're misunderstood, and in some ways you are, but the reality is most people don't speak dog and don't have the time or energy to learn. You need to go outside and learn to speak cat whether you want to or not

Lapis — You don't like Peridot fans or kinnies, which is weirdly in-character. You're the biggest hater but you don't hide it and I can respect that. You think Lapis is a victim, but you're only half right. You would probably fall for propaganda if it was dressed up fancy enough.

Jasper — You want to fuck this character, full stop. There's a 50/50 chance you're chill af or the most insufferable person on the planet. If you're the former you're friends with a lot of people. You float easily from one group to another, but a jack of all trades is a master of none, and you're no one's first pick if they're looking for someone close. You probably hate Lapis and her fans but you should really just let that shit go ngl

Spinel — You need therapy (derogatory) and you're making that everyone else's problem. Despite the clown aesthetic you're not very funny to be around and you should get a better sense of humor. You project onto this character way too hard and it shows in your fandom habits and headcanons, but most of the time that's fine

Like Spinel, you're a little two-faced. Some people pick up on that right away and some don't. The people who do hold you at arms length until you make it clear which clown you'd rather be. You hate it when people ship Spinel with any character besides your favorite pairing, but you'll never say that out loud unless it's a ship the people you're talking to don't like.

Blue Diamond — You're a man (derogatory) or a minor who doesn't actually understand anything about this character yet, and would immediately fall for any and all forms of propaganda

Yellow Diamond — If you think she is wearing a helmet you're a man (derogatory) and you expected things out of SU that were never gonna happen. If you think it's just hair you have a much better grasp on this character than 90% percent of SU's fandom and I'm platonically kissing you on the mouth.

White Diamond — You're a man (derogatory) or an incredibly based and sexy queer.

The Zircons — You like Ace Attorney, or would like it if you haven't played it yet. You're making them kiss sloppy style. UwU

Lars — You probably didn't like him until after he died. You will defend this boy with your fucking life. Also you should just…. go watch Star Trek if you haven't. Seriously what are you doing—

Sadie — You're an oddball. Very lax though. You have complicated feelings about Shep

Peedee — You're a little quirky, a little freaky, but you're too scared to just say that. You desperately need some fun in your life, but the people around you make that difficult. Eventually you'll find the folks that are worth hanging around. See you on the flip side :)

Ronaldo — You're the type of person this character is based on and you take it in stride. If you're shipping him with Lars, you're the only person who's opinion on this character matters.

Kevin — I dunno who hurt you but you have a terrible taste in men. You only have fun in bed if it involves a damn near human rights violation

Mayor Dewey — You're normalbirb

Any other townie — This is a trick question! No one has these as their favorite lmao

[floofanflurr]

I! Am so tired of the infantilization of Papyrus. I'm so tired of the infantilization of autistic people, and autistic traits. I thought we were past this in this fandom... but NOPE.

I am absolutely NOT going to name any names, (especially because I don't think ANY of this is intentional!!! I don't think people are doing it on purpose!!! And I don't want to hurt people. And also because it's SO many people now. I see it all the time from so many different places. It would be impossible to list them all.)

But??? I am getting increasingly uncomfortable with the casual ableism in Papyrus fans, bloggers, and writers who don't even realize that's what they're doing. People who say they are against the infantilization of Papyrus.

(Sticking the rest of this under a cut so I don't clog any feeds)

I just!!!! It's all well and good to have your headcanons about Papyrus! He's a really mysterious character that we don't know a lot about! I'm not denying that! But I see SO many people just… saying things like:

"Papyrus would NEVER do (insert autistic trait here) because he's an ADULT! CLEARLY it was a joke."

or

"People take him seriously or at face value when he does (insert autistic trait here) but he's not stupid???? Clearly it means something else-"

And so freaking many variations of that.

Just. Have your headcanons about what Papyrus means or doesn't mean. That's okay! If you think he's joking that's FINE! But PLEASE don't shit on other people and be so casually ableist by saying that he could never be these things, or that these things would mean he was stupid, or childlike if he ACTUALLY meant them or did them.

ITS LIKE. Taking the initial infantilization of Papyrus in fandom and spinning it on it's head so far it goes right back into infantilizing autistic people by just. REMOVING PAPYRUS'S AUTISITC TRAITS AFTER LABELING THEM STUPID OR CHILDLIKE.

"You're infantilizing Papyrus! CLEARLY he could never actually MEAN these things or do those things for real because he's an adult-" AND LIKE. BABE. THOSE THINGS ARE JUST AUTISTIC THINGS.

And just.

It's really really upsetting to see the traits that I personally relate to in Papyrus have people saying "he could NEVER actually mean/do that! CLEARLY it was a joke, or subterfuge or insert something else here-"(the very strongly implied "because only Children do that" is so clear it's nauseating) (And often stated, but just in slightly different language. "It's clear." or "Of course Papyrus wouldn't-" or "He's smart!" or "He's an adult!")

Most of the portrayals I see of Papyrus are wonderful. While I've seen this a lot in fandom, I don't think it's the majority of people who create or write, or blog Papyrus content. But it's a big enough chunk that it is incredibly worrying and upsetting.

I'm also not trying to wave away any level of subterfuge, or mystery that Papyrus has. Because he has a lot! And!!! He's a grown ass adult! (A HILARIOUS one who cracks a shit ton of jokes and is witty as hell.) Someone who is very sneaky about many things, and masks a lot, and is clearly hiding SOMETHING. Have fun theorizing about him, because there sure is a lot to theorize about! Sneaky, sneaky skeleton...

Just. While I'm not trying to change anyone's headcanons... It might be worth it to see if the Papyrus you create has been removed from all of his autistic traits that are deemed undesirable (a level of social ineptitude or not understanding others, routines like bedtime stories, and so much more) while only leaving the ones you think are quirky or fun (things like masking, or stimming with big, flailing gestures, special interest in puzzles, etc.).

And if that's true, why might that be?

If the answer is "because Papyrus is too smart/mature/clever/etc. to mean or do this seriously." then that is no longer an innocent headcanon. That is saying that people who DO have those traits aren't smart/mature/clever/etc. That is infantilizing autistic traits. (And yes! Autistic people can also do this by accident! I used to fall victim to internalized ableism that I didn't even realize was there, and I've seen other people do it, too.)

I was going to get into a more in-depth list of Papyrus’s traits that are autistic traits or could be caused by being autistic, and basically write an entire fan essay on the whole situation, starting from the beginning infantilization of Papyrus in fandom (equally as bad) and ending with where we're at now as Papyrus fans. (This right now is not an essay. It's a vent, and a plea. When I say essay, I mean with cited sources, properly structured... An actual ESSAY that would help people.)

But… I’m tired. I know it’s an accident in most cases. I know that most people probably don’t realize they’re calling autistic traits “stupid” or “childlike” or “papyrus would never because he’s not a child—“

And I know that this one simple post isn’t enough to explain how autistic peoples’ brains frequently work, or why these things don’t mean someone is stupid or childlike.

I know that without a thorough explanation there’s so many people that won’t realize that they’re doing this. And it’s certainly not as gentle as I wanted to be. I want to be kind, because I know that it's an accident, and that people aren't trying to be cruel or harmful.

But I’m just… tired. I’m so, so tired. It’s hard to gently explain to people that are actively harming you and your community why what they’re doing is hurtful.

Maybe someday I’ll actually write that essay, and I can include helpful tips on what autism can look like, or how Papyrus's differing things COULD be (not necessarily ARE) an indication or presentation of autism, and also some more tips on how to integrate some of Papyrus’s characteristics in different ways in a fic that keeps his wonderful autistic swag if that's what you want to do. Maybe I can delve into some more of the nuance of this discussion, of which there is much.

But right now I can’t.

If you're worried you might be doing something like this but you really do need an essay or more structure and specific writing breaking it all out, then. Well! I want to help people. If you have questions about what I said and genuinely want to learn, I can do my best to answer and help in an essay if there's enough questions, or in asks if its just a one off question.

(Though absolutely no promises. The entire discussion is draining and triggering, so... It's hard. Please don't be surprised if I'm unable to keep conversation about this going.)

I don't want to write the essay if it's not going to help anyone though. So… let me know. Maybe in reblogs. Just please not in my DMs. I'll turn on anonymous asks for the next month or so, and if people use them to be cruel, or confrontational, I will be taking that away again.

If you've made it this far... Thanks for reading.

...And, you know what? Shitty TLDR:

Papyrus is a grown ass man who can say fuck and be a bad ass bitch, and who can also be an autistic adult. These things are not mutually exclusive to each other.

Edit: Someone sent me a wonderful essay written by the-irken-pony about Papyrus and autism that was written in the earlier days of the fandom and Papyrus infantilization. (I have no idea how I haven’t seen this before.)

It’s not the current issue of “wow you became the thing you most sought to destroy (infantilization)” in Papyrus’s fan base, but it’s a wonderful breakdown of autism in Papyrus. It’s a good thing to read with this. You don’t have to accept the various headcanons as yours, but please take note of the various things that could be caused by autism. And then make sure that you aren’t calling those things childish.

[gynandromorph]

It's okay not to answer, I know it's broad territory, but I really respect you as an artist and writer. How do you handle people misinterpreting or missing elements of your work, especially when they may still enjoy it and get something out of it? As an artist I'm struggling lately with knowing my work will always inherently be read differently from what I intended as a matter of the human experience, as well as me being autistic complicating my ability to communicate.

An addition to that last ask. I don't know if it's clear what I'm asking so I'll give some examples. A 50 year old man and a 21 year old woman will get different things from a movie due to their lived experiences. As a gentile reader I might miss jewish narrative themes in a piece of work. That doesn't mean it's bad for us to have experienced it, but as an author I find it frustrating when something is missed or misinterpreted, and I don't know how not to be a control freak about it.

i feel you, i have ocpd and being misinterpreted when i agonized and stressed about how to present my wording makes me want to light myself on fire and it's something i'm working on. writers are supposed to expect and account for different perspectives ahead of time, so it always sort of shocks me when i hear interpretations i wouldn't have thought about at all. i know logically i can't predict all outcomes, but it's still surprising anyway!!! but i generally feel a lot of distress about being misinterpreted because i'm afraid it'll label me as A Bad Person, so i think that's where the experience diverges. maybe investigating why you need to or want to control the way your work is interpreted would help as a starting point? i think having a larger audience helps, too... it means more people will misinterpret your work, but it also means you're more likely to have at least One Guy who interprets it just right and makes fireworks go off in your brain, but there's no way to control how big your audience is!

anyway, the ways to control how your work is interpreted, to the degree that you can:

you can make it simpler. the more parts a story has added to its complexity, the more it's going to be misinterpreted.

you can make the intended message more blatant. you can have a character say exactly what you want the audience to think or hear, or something very close to it. don't want a detail missed? make it bigger.

you can reprioritize parts of the story. basically think of a group of interpretations you want the audience to have if you can, and then put them in order of importance. then the story has a hierarchy to lean on wrt artistic decisions.

you can give the story multiple meanings. more targets to hit. if they're mutually exclusive, i find this works better... i like making my stories ambiguous with conflicting interpretations a lot. yeah, people are going to interpret the story wrong, because it was made in a way that will guarantee it is interpreted wrong in some way.

you can layer the meaning so that less literate audience members will at least get SOME of what you intended. basically, close to the previous strategy, but like a hybrid of that and "make it simpler" imo because you're constructing multiple interpretations that are all supposed to lead to one conclusion (like a persuasive essay or something), but can act as an adequate conclusion on their own.

all of these options have obvious qualitative losses. if you have anything in particular that is repeatedly misinterpreted or missed, it's a good idea to think about Why you're making those choices. consciously committing to a higher-risk artistic choice will help you feel more in control of what happens to it once it's done. the way your art is interpreted isn't totally out of your control, you are making decisions that add to or mitigate the risk of misinterpretations, and you can bring those choices to a more conscious awareness to see them and appreciate them. sometimes it'll feel like a begrudging compromise, but it'll still be Your choice ultimately.

on an emotional level... hopefully this makes sense. there's always going to be the piss-on-the-poor scenario and sometimes i just remind myself that some people are not as literate as me, but it's great we were still able to connect through a work that was probably difficult for them!!! it was a privilege to get to grow up with a good education, access to art and technology, strangers who want to look at what i made, and there are times where i take this for granted, and my expectations of readers are actually kind of unreasonable!!! some people are younger than me and say stupid things like i did, but they aren't able to understand things like me yet, and it's important for them to learn by figuring it out on their own!!! i was and will always be That Guy to other artists and other writers, and i want to give other people the same grace as i get. some people have wildly different life experiences compared to mine, and these experiences can be much more nuanced than i could ever imagine, but it's a little gift that they made my world larger by sharing theirs through my art!!! it's terrifying and embarrassing knowing that i don't know much of anything, even about something i have total control over, but the consequences of that aren't always negative. and possibly the saddest but most common way i deal with this is nothing more than accepting that no one is ever going to understand me on the level that i want to be understood. sometimes my frustration has come from a place of miserable alienation, where the need to feel Seen can be quite desperate. i've made art explicitly about Me, and i've made art deliberately hostile towards its audience, art that's said they don't get it and they never will, but they still bothered to try. i made a game that said no one will win here and they still played it with me, and i can appreciate that. in many cases, they actually know more about me than i know about them. but more importantly, it isn't my audience's job to take care of that emotional need -- in fact, as much as art is made out to be a mode of pure self-expression, i don't think they can. it's a reality that i don't like, but i accept it. art made to benefit others is a one-way mirror: you make them feel seen, but they should never see you, because if they see you, the mirror isn't working.

[davenweenie]

All the Rats are neurodivergent because I said so. Here as some headcanons that might as well be canon

ND Rats for the win

Leo and Chase are both so autistic, they bond over their nerdy little hyperfixations and it drives Mr Davenport up the walls from the constant chattering of the two

Bree has ADHD that went under the radar for years, it isn’t until they all start going to school and she starts complaining about struggling to focus when Chase tells her that she definitely has ADHD.

Chase has literally diagnosed all the rats with things, he’s the smartest person alive so of course he’ll be able to diagnose people with things. I believe me and Aster came up with this hc but I’m not entirely certain who it was now.

Adam is the classic example of male ADHD, it was caught at a very early age. Davenport always uses it to excuse Adam’s behaviours towards Chase. Adam is always confused about that though because ‘no, I actually meant to punch him, it wasn’t an accident’

Leo is actually AuDHD (unofficial term for a person who is both autistic and has ADHD) which means he never stops running his mouth. Chase grows to appreciate the silences being filled in the lab for once.

Bree never stops moving, often times she’s super speeding whatever stim she’s doing at that time. As a kid she would super jump over and over again until she was physically stopped because the dust she was kicking up would make Chase get itchy and sneezy.

Chase doesn’t stim openly because Mr Davenport once told him he looked like an idiot. (He didn’t actually say idiot, the word actually begins with an R and it’s a slur I refuse to say even though I’m autistic)

Adam really struggles at school, Chase used to make fun of him until he realised that Adam was genuinely really struggling badly. He not tries to help him study and do his homework, sometimes he actually just does his homework if Adam is having a bad day.

Bree is constantly bullied for being the ‘weird’ girl, she tries to fit in by copying outfits she sees in magazines. Adam picks up on it, miraculously, and tells her that she looks really boring now.

Adam matches outfits with Bree to make her feel less self conscious. It helps a lot and Adam actually really likes matching outfits with his sister. Bree really enjoys it too. BRING BACK OUR WONDERFUL WEIRD GIRL BREE. I hate LREF for changing her entire weird girl personality.

Chase genuinely just can’t dress himself. His outfits always clash and he just can’t figure out how to pair things together. Tasha takes him shopping and matched all his outfits for him which helps him get an idea of what matches and what doesn’t. He really loves his new mum. (I cannot say ‘mom’ it genuinely pains me)

Leo introduces Chase to the concept of safe foods when Chase freaked out over the texture of some food in his lunch at school. Chase has so many non-perishable snacks in his locker for days that he’s struggling.

Leo also has so many snacks in his locker, Adam and Bree are always stealing food from both of them.

Chase had a huge meltdown at school when he got overstimulated by all the noise. They had been on a mission the night prior that involved a lot of loud noises from an explosion and school the next day just completely threw him over the edge. His siblings found him huddled in the corner of a janitors closet and that’s when they decided to force Mr Davenport to make Chase some bionic noise cancelling headphones.

Leo is the only person allowed into their capsules, he typically only goes in them if he’s feeling overstimulated because they’re soundproof and noise cancelling. He prefers Chase’s one over Adam and Bree’s because it doesn’t have a strong smell to it. Bree’s one always smells of perfume and Adam’s smells like sweaty teen boy mixed with Lynx body spray. (I recently found out that Lynx is called Axe in the US)

Chase loves physical affection which often gives him imposter syndrome because it makes him think he’s faking being autistic. It isn’t until Leo tells him that he’s the same way that Chase understands how diverse autism is. Of course he knows it’s a spectrum but sometimes he just gets all up in his head about it.

The Rats aren’t really friends with other people. They hang out with each other and don’t stray too far away. They got even more uncomfortable having other friends after the Marcus incident.

Marcus was the first person that didn’t call them weird after their first interaction. Chase was so upset when Marcus betrayed them because he thought someone finally wanted to be his friend. Plus the fact that Marcus nearly killed his brother.

Chase is easily manipulated because he’s autistic. He finds it hard to read people and know if they have ulterior motives.

Adam is very open about having ADHD, Bree mentions it in passing sometimes whereas Chase isn’t very open about being autistic. He was bullied heavily in high school for it and he isn’t prepared for the media to bully him too. At least at school he could escape it when he came home, he doesn’t think he could cope if it was all online 24/7.

Kaz is so excited to find out Chase is autistic, he then very excitedly tells Chase that Oliver is autistic too. Chase is enamoured at how someone is so happy that another person is autistic. It makes him feel really good about himself.

Chase and Kaz get on better than Bree would have expected considering Kaz has ADHD and is very loud. Chase appreciates having someone that understands his sensory issues because Kaz does get it. Kaz will be quiet if he notices Chase is having a hard time dealing with his super senses that day.

The reason Chase loves hanging out in all the labs is because they’re all underground and quiet. Of course there are still some noises that normal people wouldn’t hear but it’s much less than the ones above ground.

This has been very fun to write. Lmk if you want more and of course you can send in ideas or headcanons to discuss.

[stardustcleaningguy]

ok im back to rant abt more saverem twins autism things :P

in my last post (which if you havent seen, was me reblogging @dragons1re ‘s post about the plant powers as a metaphor for autism/autistic traits) i didnt really go into much detail about knives because i was a little too focussed in the fact there is another autistic vash truther out there .. but im gonna talk abt knives now.

like i said before i dont necessarily think that knives has enough control over his outbursts to really be completely proud of them, but also when you are the person known for having regular outbursts and are considered ‘dangerous’ or ‘weird’ by neurotypical society, it begins to become a part of how you view yourself as a person (or at least thats how it was for me as a kid - a lot of my autism hcs are based directly off my own experiences). i mean this in the way that once you have that impression established of you - that you are strange and offputting and scary - its very hard to overcome the perception of others and seem ‘normal’ and so you just kinda give up, and accept your role.

this is how knives’ behaviour appears to me, from an early age people have this perception that hes hard to deal with and has big outbursts of emotion which he struggles to control - and even when he DOES learn more ways to control it, he still refuses to mask because hes continuing to play into the general perception of him by neurotypical (aka human) society. he lets his emotions control him because he doesnt see any point in masking - i mean what would it change if he did try and act normal? the humans already know hes a dangerous monster freak right? i was only able to change from this mindset because my environment and the people around me changed but because of the magnitude of knives’ actions hes unable to do this - until the very end when he finds humans that dont just see him as a dangerous creature but an actual person who just wants safety for him and his brother (but then he gets appled so …)

also im not really saying that knives thinks of himself as a monster, he just knows that humans have that impression of him and instead of trying way too hard to appear normal like vash, he leans more into the role of ‘weird dangerous monster’. hes super scared of humans (the same way an autistic person may become fearful of neutotypical society because of the way they have been treated within it) so thats another reason why he has this whole im super dangerous and evil thing going on even though he spends most of his time napping. top 10 people comitted to the bit

idk this rant MIGHT have gotten a little too tangent-y and i MIGHT be projecting onto knives just a teensy little bit but it was fun to write so wuteva !!!!!!!! (also all of this is specifically discussing trigun maximum - i luuuuv maximum)

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

heyyyyyyy so in the malnourished fwhip explanation post you said you'd get back to the thing about gem and fwhip not liking that they got first pick during the famine and i fully agree with you. if it also you said you'd get back to it and you didn't and you're good at articulating things so I would like to hear you elaborate if you are willing

OH yeah. i had planned to get into that in the section where i talked about fwhip continuing to use the corrupted fertilizer because it works so well that it means his people are fed, but i didn’t elaborate much further than that. so i shall now!

(context for this can be found here, in case you missed that post!)

so as i said previously, when famine strikes the grimlands and the royal family have their food needs prioritized, this is something that fwhip and gem, despite both being very young, find awful. i think both of these kids have very strong senses of justice (cough because they’re both autistic cough), gem especially, since she’s the one being trained to be the next countess, so she’s a lot more worldly than fwhip at that point. fwhip is approaching this from a basic fairness standpoint- everyone needs to eat, it’s not fair that he and his family get priority. gem is approaching this based on her experience in other empires and her conversations with other to be emperors- this is not how a good ruler treats their people, a good ruler tries to put their people first always.

i think this manifests in a variety of different ways when they get older. for fwhip, this manifests in putting his people’s food needs above his own when it comes to the corrupted fertilizer. if the fertilizer was giving everybody else nightmares, he would’ve heard about it by now, so clearly it’s just him. that means the fertilizer is a net good, so it stays. i think fwhip is a weird and very distant ruler, one who thinks of himself as a little too equal with his people, and that can be good and bad. something like this, where he puts the people’s need for food above his own wants is (for everyone else) good, but it also means he doesn’t really register how much more important his actions are than anyone else’s. for someone else in the grimlands (or even for fwhip just a few years ago, when he was still the kid brother to the rising countess), blowing up your friend’s house might get you in trouble, but it’s not a big deal. for modern day fwhip, it’s literally an act of war. “peace is boring” is a very frightening attitude for a ruler to hold, and he holds it because he wasn’t properly trained to be count, he’s still very young, and he views himself and his people as pretty much the same when, unfortunately, they just aren’t.

for gem, i think what this does for her behavior doesn’t manifest for her a while. she ran away from the grimlands because she wanted to be a wizard, she wanted to be anything but countess, and i think she did fundamentally believe fwhip would do better than she could. so she becomes a wizard in a very insulated community, and then her instructor disappears and leaves the entire place in her care, and that freaks her out. yes, she was trained to have far greater responsibilities than this, there aren’t even any students for her to train yet, but being in charge scares her still. she so desperately wants to be a good ruler, a better one than anyone in her family line has been for a while, because she’s been up close and personal with bad ones. and i think for gem specifically that manifests in her wanting to be a just ruler. very few people are ever fully beyond redemption for gem. her pillager students just need to put their weapons down, and then they’re ready to learn! see, they weren’t really evil, just angry and armed. sausage has good left in him, even at his worst, she knows it. she just needs to draw it out of him, at any cost. scott didn’t mean to hurt her, he was just scared and she pushed him too far, that’s on her. i think the only person she sees as truly, 100% beyond redemption, who she never really changes her tune on, is xornoth. even the other emperors she isn’t a fan of i don’t think she thinks are irredeemably evil, they’re just assholes and she’s gonna be an asshole back (or she’s gonna let the other WRA members do it). (the only outlier to that is maybe joey. at some point after he gets the crown from xornoth, somebody says he’s most likely beyond saving, and that somebody might be gem but i can’t remember. if it is, i think she had simply run out of energy for second chances for him, and he’s not her responsibility anyways, so she feels less bad about doing it to him than say, a student of hers. if she isn’t the one who says that, disregard.) she is trying to extend justice, to extend second tries to everyone. arguably she even tries this with xornoth, when she tries to learn more about him when he first shows up, but he also made it very clear he had no intentions of improving, so.

TLDR: i think both roseblings are affronted at the fact that because they are nobility, they are inherently better treated in times of crisis. for fwhip, this is because he thinks it’s unfair, that he’s not inherently better than the people of the grimlands, so it’s unfair for him to be treated as such. for gem, she thinks it’s unjust. a good ruler, a just one, would put their people first. so when they get older, this manifests in a variety of ways. for fwhip, he views himself less as a count and more as just another citizen of the grimlands, a tinkerer with a penchant for explosions and not much more. this means in times of crisis he puts the needs of the many over the needs of the few, but it also means he doesn’t think about how much more weight his actions carry with the other empires than the actions of a regular person. for gem, this manifests as trying to extend justice, a helping hand, a second chance, to everyone she can. even at her detriment, there are very few people she believes are totally beyond saving, and she tries as best she can to save them.

[15ktherapy]

this is an autism moment btw. if dreams autistic in the same kind of way I am with social stuff like… dude. I get it. Interacting with most people makes no freaking sense a lot of the time. The way I try to figure out social stuff is by looking at things like objectively as possible (which.. idk if it’s very effective but whatever) and like. I GET THIS!!! objectively when you compare puts you down joke to puts you down joke over and over again I would also be like that. I wouldn’t know what other conclusion to come to other than he doesn’t like me. And when we get to he doesn’t like me we get to then why is he around— start up the objective/logical reasoning stuff. The way I’m autistic with being social- normal people interacting doesn't make sense to me. I know they lie a lot and they have reasons for doing things but I can’t know What. People don’t always tell other people what their problems are so at least to me, I try to look out for something that could be a “problem” and try and figure it out. I can’t pick up on social things like normal people can and I wish I could give an example of a “normal” thing but that shit is so beyond me I don’t even know. OKAY actually I could yap forever so I’ll make one last line.

if this is what tommt could’ve been talking about months ago with dream being “immature” or “whiney” or whatever it’s just. It’s autism. It’s the autism social separation.

As an autistic person Dream thinks there is a problem so he tries to ask/confront tommy about it to solve it. Tommy can’t see the way the things he says might come off to a person who just. Doesn’t get “normal” socializing (ie an autistic person) and makes his own assumption of something like “dream cant take people making a mean joke about him.”

behold autism at its finest. Screwing everyone (but mostly you) over since the dawn of time.

[boy-gender]

Hi! You can answer this publicly or privately, but I figured maybe someone else might have a similar question? I just wanted to ask about your personal reasons for using it/its pronouns.

I ask bc I've come across two different characters, now, in media I enjoy, that use it/its pronouns. And I've enjoyed seeing it! They're both two of my favorite characters in their respective media. And i think im kinda questioning whether or not my excitement for these characters (particularly when pronouns are discussed bc they're both great characters outside of that fact) is just bc it's nice to see representation, even beyond they/them pronouns, or if maybe I should consider it/its for myself? I'm not sure, I just thought hearing other people's experiences could potentially help me figure that out. Thank you for your time!

Happy to answer!

First of all, whatever pronouns you want to use is entirely up to you! Nobody gets to tell you what to use and what not to use, or what to try out and change later if you don't like it. If you feel like you want to try a set of pronouns, try it! If it doesn't jive, just change it again. There is no limit to how many pronouns or labels you can use, try, drop, pick up again, or how many times you change it. If it sounds like it/its makes you happy, go for it, even if it just "just" because of characters you like. There's nothing wrong with being influenced by the stories that are important to you.

My reason for using it is mostly trauma-based. All my life I've felt a significant disconnect from my own body, but I didn't realize I had a dissociative disorder until I was like 24. A combination of child abuse causing the disorder, where I never felt like my body was/is me, just that I'm a thing inhabiting the body, possessing it like a spirit- and also lifelong bullying and ostracizing by my peers both contributed to it. There are many times I don't feel like a man or a woman, or a nonbinary person, or any type of person at all. I was dehumanized; I had my humanity stripped from me, including my gender. Fat autistic weird 'girls' aren't treated like girls, intersex tomboys aren't treated like boys, we're treated like monsters. Like kicked dogs. I existed only to be abused by the people around me- my parents and teachers who were supposed to protect me, and the peers who should have been my friends and community. Freaks don't have genders, those are for people. And I was constantly reminded that I did not count as a person.

I very much associate the bullying I endured with my gender nonconformity. I was an afab intersex person- I was a girl of age like 13 with a moustache and beard growing in. I was fat, and my fat never distributed to the 'desired' places for a girl (also, this was like 2008. There was no 'desired place' for fat on girls). Other kids knew or sensed things were different about me- that I was queer in multiple ways, that I had several mental illnesses, that I was fat and ugly and was friends only with other rejects, meaning nobody gave a shit what happened to us. There would be no one to come to our defense no matter how severely we were harmed. We didn't matter.

When I found out I was a system, it put a lot into perspective. The disconnect from the body, from my identity, from my own memories (which are all in third person) made more sense. My other is not human. At first I assumed the "it-ness" was because of this, but actually he doesn't like to be called it at all. It hurts him. It doesn't fit. The it-ness is from me. It's an expression of the gender experience I was denied, a reclamation of the othering I suffered. I don't count as human. I will never be worth being human, or having typical human experiences. I will never be allowed into the club. But it turns out there are other clubs out here- humanity and the cisgender binary are not the only options. I no longer see my othering as "be human or just die," but as "not human? Cool, come try one of these other myriad things." There are so many more things you can be besides human.

This makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Firstly, good. People should be uncomfortable with the cruelty I endured and the marks it left. People should be uncomfortable that they probably participated in othering people as children, and maybe even still do it as adults, and they should be uncomfortable that society is raising their children to continue to do this. It is, in a way, a little bit like my pronouns being fuck/you, or examine/yourselves. Some of it's shock value, and I like that.

Secondly, the shit I get the most is from other trans people, saying I'm somehow harming the trans community because other people call us "its" as an insult. If someone were to call me a she, that is incorrect, and could be used as an insult- they're misgendering me, they're trying to hurt me. This is not the fault of the word "she" and I'm not going to go up to a trans woman and say "this word hurts me, so you cant use it. No more she/her pronouns for you." We are not all going to have the same comfort level with words. I don't like being called a dyke, but dykes do. Some people don't like being called queer, but lots of us do. Some people don't like being called it, but I do. Either way, I get to decide what I am called, and other people get to decide what they are called, and nobody else gets to veto someone's identity. If someone doesn't like calling me it? Then they don't have to talk to me. If they won't respect my pronouns, they're not any better than people who would call me she or her. I don't need their input or validation.

If you do decide to try out it pronouns, I would say be prepared for backlash, but also don't let it effect you. Block people liberally, joyously even. Don't argue. Don't bother. You do not have to justify who you are. And, consider "soft launching" your pronouns! Maybe tell a couple close friends, or just the internet, and if it goes well, expand to other people, and then other people. Roll it out in stages while you get comfortable and try things and assess. You don't owe anyone a coming out; you can decide if, when, how, and to whom you explain yourself, if you ever do it at all.

As an aside, I want to make a distinction here- I'm not otherkin. I don't say I don't count as human because I am some other type of creature just in a human body this reincarnation. This is not a spiritual belief, or even a psych-kin thing. This is purely a product of trauma, something that was foisted upon me that I am now reclaiming, not something innate to my identity. I don't want people to conflate my experience with that of otherkin and be like "see? you're not really [whatever], you're just traumatized!" I hope people will not use my experience to police other people's identities. I am speaking only for myself.

Hope this helps. If you have any more specific questions, feel free to reach out!

[ranjxtul]

VTM Rambles: the Lesbian Cinematic Universe

so i run a chronicle set in new orleans and it's part of what my girlfriend and i call the lesbian cinemtic universe which also includes their berlin by night chronicle that i play in. we call it such because i'm sure you can imagine there are so many lesbian characters. and like, i love it because our games are so queer friendly as they're run by trans lesbians and played by other sapphics. all of us are also experienced ttrpg players or storytellers in some other way too so it's very common someone will have someone else crying or freaking out because of the scene they're playing,

I also think the queerness and our experience with storytelling allows us to better explore the themes of vampire, which to me are what does it mean to be human and what does it mean to be good. We all have characters, PCs or SPCs alike that re struggling with the darkness of the kindred and human world, in fact I think some way all of them are. i love being able to explore what that means for these people and how they react and cope with the pain of their lives. As creators in these games, we've taken a very human approach to creating these chracters as world of darkness seems to believe that once you're embraced you lose all goodness. it also seems to me they believe tiers of humanity are fixed and unuanced when that is simply not the case so i love playing with what each tier of humanity might mean for each character.

as a storyteller, and a player i interpret the beast as more a figurative manifestation of whatever magic that comes with kindredhood and the blood combined with a person's shadow self and subconscious. i'm personally not a fan of the idea that the beast is an actual entity now living in a kindred' head because of the embrace that sucks the good from you. i think the beast forces the kindred to grapple with the darkest parts of themselves that were already there so the fight for goodness or humanity is internal and intrinsic. to me, this has created such an interesting conflict and even fear in certain characters who want to be kind and humane but are scared to lose that due to age or the world etc.

in these two games, we also have some really interesting themes going through. in berlin, i'd say we're creating a theme of healing generational wounds and in nola i think our theme is becoming learning to hold on to the love and kindness in your life, because it will save you in more ways than one. as a creator whether that be on the storyteller or player side, i'm taking these ideas and running with them. for me, a throughline theme helps tie a story together and helps write the story as it devlops even in an rpg.

additionally, i've found that vtm is a great system to explore heavier topics than you more easily could in dnd or something similar. the central questions of the game lends itself to that. for example, in nola i have a plot that has to do with the second inquistion in the cia and how the prince of the camarilla is currently being trafficked as a part of a deal to hold of the cia which was made knowing one day she'd break. i also think the system is a good way to explore power dynamics in society and tradition. even though our political systems are very different in reality a lot of the messiness and the constructs that create those systems are present in the construction of the camarilla, anarchs, and sabbat- to me this is just another interesting way to explore morality in a game like this.

i am a neuroscientist and enjoy tweaking the poorly written mechanics relating kindred anatomy and physiology. i could make a whole post dedicated to what i've messed with in that regard because it's been a lot. i've altered scarring, disease/immune states, the appearance and visibility of disability, metabolism, and fertility to name a few. most importantly from that list is disability and disease. in both games several characters are autistic or adhd or both. there are vampires who use mobility aids, who are amputees, the nola prince and her wife have hiv, one of my pcs has hEDS and the other has lupus. world of darkness erases disability entirely when talking about the embrace and to me, that's wrong. disability isn't awful or heinous and shouldn't be erased in a low (or high for that matter) fantasy game because it's a part of life for so many people.

lastly in this rant s/o to the people who create with me in the lesbian cinematic unverse @rj-thursday @yelenaslightchangeofplan and andi (who's tumblr i don't know) i love yall and i'm so happy to play these games with you... undercover todd forever

[fleamontsoleil]

Hello people!

I'm a guy who fell in love with stories at a young age, and decided to make their life about them.

I’m a genderqueer, bisexual mess born on april 15th, which makes me:

an aries

using they/he pronouns,

coming from poland, 

speak polish, english and basic german, spanish, french and danish, which means i can wish you a happy birthday and order coffee, and also talk about the weather and describe my outfit, but i will not get into the depths of quantum physics. 

i’m also autistic.

more info lower!

Other random things about me:

i love writing

lemons, ginger, cinnamon, pears, pasta

i have a sweet tooth

i’m getting back into drawing and watercolour painting

i love flowers, my favourite one being a carnation

i’m basically 24/7 in headphones, music always on

i like learning new languages (if you haven’t figured that out yet)

i enjoy reading, watching movies and tv shows

i can play on ukulele and i’m getting better at guitar and bass

i love stickers and pins

kinda obsessed with angels and religious symbolism while being an atheist, idk how i did that

i can trauma dump without realising, sorry for that

i love sticking things to my walls

and also telling stories

travelling

coffee

chocolate

green

robin williams

On this blog, I reblog/post things related to writing and relatable things I see. Sometimes share a snippet of my writing or freak about an idea I'm having. I’m thinking about separating this side blog into two, one for fanfic (this one), and one for my original work (with my pen name) but idk. Maybe when I have more time.

What do I write?

I write mostly fiction and fantasy, usually gory.

I write things that are inspired by things I know. I have a great imagination, which sometimes is not so fun, but when I write it's really useful. I can sit in any place and make it into a story.

All my works include queer representation.

Some of my works might be graphic, but I will put trigger warnings before any of them.

My current works:

If it comes to longer WIPs, I am used to working on one/two at once, but giving it my whole attention for the time of writing. Even though I can read seven books at once, I can't write them at once.

I also write a lot of short stories, but I will not be listing them here.

"The Tangled Sun" (working title) - a fantasy novel (1st dratf) tag: wip : tts queer, pirates, magic

"Darksun" (working title) - a post apocalyptic novel(1st draft) tag: wip : darksun angels, queer, gore, horror

Fanfiction:

you can find me under cowboymorpheus on ao3

All of Us, Strangers - an AOUS deancas AU 24,095 words “How do you cope?” he asks. “With what?” “Listen?” he says, almost asks, and sticks the hand with the bottle up, one finger pointing at the ceiling. Dean doesn’t hear anything. The silence fills the entire space. “It’s so quiet,” he says, and his voice is slightly broken up, as if he’s mourning the sound that isn’t present. “The city’s out there, but we can’t hear a fucking thing.” Castiel leans even closer, as if he was about to tell Dean his deepest, darkest secret, and Dean backs away. His hand tightens on the doorknob. “I play music, but it’s worse when it ends. I even bought one of those white-noise machines. It’s like someone’s in the corner of the room, whispering about me. We can’t even open the windows, but I guess they don’t want us to jump.” he pauses for a while. “Bad for business. Broken bodies on the concrete. Who’s gonna move in then?” he asks, but he doesn’t expect an answer.

Dean Cas Big Bang fic - estimated word count 27k

on the road - WHICH IS A WORKING TITLE - estimated word count is 60k After John dies, Dean has no more reasons to be trapped in his hometown. With the encouragement of his friends and family, he hits the road, where he meets new people and learns new things about himself, finally being able to explore himself as much as he always wanted to. Not having to hide, being able to just be his own person is something he didn't know he would ever be able to do. Little does he know, it's only the beginning of the good things to happen.

stained white roses - a darkfic basically

-----

My other account is @cowboymorpheus. you'll probably find out some more on the intro post there. It's where I reblog and sometimes post fandom stuff, here it's just, I don't know. Writing, ao3 and the rest of random stuff like that.

That's pretty much all. Like I said, I'm open to new conversations, so don't hesitate to message me or send asks anytime. And I'm ask/tag game friendly!

Have a nice one!

[wilt3d-r0zes]

Apparently I’m on an agere Teen Wolf kick uhh but here’s another fic for it haha

Keyring Rattles

Stiles regresses in class and freaks out, his understimulated little brain locks onto the idea of getting Lydia's keys and won't settle until he's rattling them.

or, I started another drabble and accidentally made a 1k ish fic (chapter 2 is very OOC and from the perspective of Lydia & Scott instead of Stiles, it's separated bc I don't like it as much)

Warning: This fic contains Age Regression, a non-sexual coping mechanism! 

(Little!Stiles, CG!Scott. Lydia is also there as sorta a side character, so hc her however you want. This has no romantic interactions at all!)  (Autistic!Stiles also bc i cant have a favorite character and make them NT) (Please note that the semi-joke at the very end about “pulling the autism card” is something I have said in real life, and if it makes you uncomfortable that is a personal preference and doesn’t apply to everybody /nm /lh)

Stiles doesn't like English on a good day.

He hates it on a bad day.

And would rather throw a tantrum in front of the entire class on a little day.

It's why Scott is actively leading him out of the classroom and towards That Locker Room that they always go toward when he has some level of freak out in school. He's trying to calm his little down on the walk, but Stiles is entirely inconsolable.

Snot and tears are practically coating his face, he got taken out of the classroom before it got too bad (He saw Stiles start crying and made an excuse to get them both out of there, thank god), but he’s about one wrong move away from a full-blown meltdown.

Meltdowns for Stiles are bad enough when he's big, when little? Not something you want to do around other people. Especially anybody who isn't your caregiver.

The locker room is a familiar sight, and despite the smell that assaults his nose he's relieved to know he's away from other people. Of course, that also means that once the door is shut and Scott has set him down leaning against one of the chain walls he's getting loud. Broken, cracking sobs and squirming limbs. 

The chain wall rattled loudly when he smacked his head against it, Scott is still talking to him, trying to get him to calm down. His tone sounds a bit more frantic now, but Stiles can't understand any of the words through his racing thoughts.

His hand latches onto the links, yanking on the wall and rattling it so it echoes around in the room. It's a good sound, like a more aggressive key ring.

That's what he wants!

He wants a key ring. More specifically he wants Lydia’s, because she has a lot of keys and trinkets and it makes a nice noise. He whines, yanking on the chains again, “Lydi,” he shouts it, even though he just meant to say it to Scott because doing anything quiet might drive him entirely off the deep end.

“Lydia?” Scott echoes, but whatever he says next is lost on a much too little Stiles (He hates this, he hates when his regression gets so deep he struggles to process English unless he's focusing on it completely. It's terrifying)

“Wan’ Lydi!” 

He can hear Scott’s phone ringing. He yanks on the fence again, giggling at the sound. It rattles around his skull in such a pleasant way, he yanks again. It echoes around the locker room, hitting every wall and the other chain fences, and then falls back on him.

Scott's talking to Lydia, he can tell. She better be coming over, he wants her keys! 

(He doesn't think about how he doesn't want her to see him flapping one hand, covered in tears and snot with his legs curled up against his chest and the other hand yanking on the chain fence. Doesn't want her to see him a total mess because all he wants are her keys)

Sure enough, a couple minutes more of Stiles rattling the chains and finding anything he can to keep his other hand occupied (Including but not limited to flapping and hitting, which Scott attempted to stop if his raise in volume meant anything) and the telltale click-clack of Lydia’s heels approached the door.

Hopefully, at least, it could always just be a teacher. It's not though, and soon Lydia is crouched down on his other side and is talking with Scott. Stiles reaches his free hand toward her.

“Keys!” he more-or-less demands, yanking on the chains again. His wide eyes lock on her pink, long-strapped purse where the jingle jangles are certainly hiding from him.

“Keys?” Lydia echoes, looking over him towards Scott. One hand is slowly venturing towards her purse, so Stiles whines and makes a grabby motion towards it to make her speed up, “Why do you want my keys, Stiles?”

Stiles pouts at her, slumping when she doesn't give him what he wants right away, “Jingly.”

Lydia smiles, then chuckles, finally retrieving the jingle jangles and setting them in his hand. He sits up and squeals, letting go of the chain to hold the keys by the hook and shake them. Shake, shake, shake! 

He giggles and starts rocking, moving his legs so he's crisscrossed and happily shaking the keys. Occasionally he brings it up to his ear and rattles it, but every time Scott brings his hand away so he doesn't damage his hearing.

Super mean, but if it makes bubba upset then he'll keep the keys away from his ears!

…

“What happened?” Lydia asks once Stiles is enthralled in her keyring, clearly not paying attention to either of them.

Scott sighs, running his hands down his face tiredly, “I don't know, we were in English and I caught the scent of his emotions. When I looked up he was crying, so I brought him here.”

“Did he just regress in class and freak out?” she frowns at him, looking back toward the human. 

“I guess?” Scott says. Lydia focuses more on how dirty Stiles is, pulling out a handkerchief from her bag to try and wipe his face off. That's surely going to dry and become an all-around horrible sensory experience, especially for an already upset little, “Hey, keep those away from your ears, bud,” Scott reaches up to pull the keys away from where Stiles was shaking them right beside his ear.

The little whimpers in response to both his face being wiped and Scott moving his hand, but when he lets go and he's allowed to rattle the keys again he calms down.

“Blow, sweetheart,” Lydia encourages, holding the handkerchief to his nose. He complies, so she pulls it away and wraps it up to safely store it in its own, separate pocket in her purse to be washed later.   “Alright, how are we getting him out of here?”

Scott gives her a weird look, “What do you mean?”

“We can't just bring him out the front door, someone will question while he's shaking a set of keys and leaning on one of us, or call his dad,” she reminds.

“We can just pull the autism card,” Scott shrugs, “We do it all the time, it's an easy way to get out of class if something happens.”

“...I feel like that’s not okay?”

“His idea, not mine,” Scott holds his hands up in defense, “If you want to try and get him out the window or something, be my guest, I’m just saying what’d be easiest.”

Lydia sighs and looks around the room for any windows. Most of the windows in their school aren’t the kind you can just pop open and hop through, unfortunately, so she’d either have to go through mental gymnastics trying to unlock them or break a screen. Or both.

Fine, pulling the autism card it is. Even when she double-checks, Scott promises that it’s Stiles’s idea to pull it when they’re in a sticky situation.

[moonstruck-melts]

I will no longer publish donation asks or reblog fundraising posts from people I don't personally know or trust. Do not send me asks or DMs asking for donations - you will be ignored!

Pinned post, for anyone who wants to take a quick look.

Um, hi! I'm Ramone. Formerly known as kalashnikiller or killer-of-kalashnis. This blog is basically an ancient relic at this point and I no longer hold a lot of the beliefs that I used to when I was a literal child. Please, take everything on this blog (especially the stuff I said when I was in my teens) with a grain of salt. I think it's safe to say that I'm not that person anymore - he kinda sucked.

Here's some info about the current me.

I'm 25 as of last updating this (born November 1999, in case I forget to update).

My identity is super weird and complex. We'd be here forever if I got into it now. The most basic description I can give you is "trans, genderqueer, bi, a-spec, and polyamorous." Any pronouns are fine - and yes, I mean literally any pronouns. Neos are freaking cool and I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner! I would also really appreciate it if you alternated pronouns for me instead of sticking to one set, but I absolutely understand if that hurts your brain so it's not a requirement. (An example would be "I went to the store with him yesterday. I had to pay for her stuff, because they forgot to bring its wallet. Fae's so forgetful sometimes!")

I'm Canadian, but like, Southern Canadian somehow. I'm also white, if this matters to you. I am trying to be better about POC and their struggles.

I'm autistic and cognitively/intellectually disabled (which would have been nice to know earlier /j but also /srs), plus other sundry brainweirds. As a consequence, I sometimes say things that don't make sense. If that happens, just ask me to explain and I'll gladly do so to the best of my ability!

I'm a lot more left-leaning now than I used to be. I try to learn as much as I can about social justice and how to be a better advocate and better human, but the disability makes it a little difficult.

I also had a dog for a large portion of my time operating on this blog. That's him in my header image! Search "doge" or "deeogee" if you want more. He passed away in July 2023, but he's still the king of my heart. 🖤 Our current pet is Mom and Dude's cat, Mary-Jane (MJ for short) and I might post about her sometimes. She's a chaos demon.

OH ALSO, I coin MOGAI things sometimes! I coined genderfrith and a couple other things - check my terms and stuff out at @kalliepride!

I think that's all, but I guess I'll update if I ever need to. Enjoy your time looking at this dusty old memory!

[br1ghtestlight]

OKAY airy is a character who is interpreted depending on the bias someone already has abt the character based on their own personal experiences etc like this is true for every fictional character but its just the only way to view airy tbh like thats just him. airy is either a misunderstood person who died young and has no idea the damage he has caused bcuz of mental illness from decades of isolation and the trauma of dying or he is a sociopathic monster who is masterminding the entire thing and knows how horrible and evil he is. both narratives are valid although i would argue he canonically leans closer to the first interpretation due to his protrayal in episode 17 and 18 but whatever. like ppl do unironically think that airy is this supervillian and his whole weird autistic freak (affectionate) thing or whatever he has going on is just an act, partly due to their own experiences with people and other fictional characters. in my opinion airy is just someone who was a random guy and he found himself in a situation where he could become god and he did, and he uhh he is obviously not okay and he does not seem to understand morality or the harm he is causing other people AT ALL that doesnt make his actions okay but he might just actually be that stupid. like he does not seem to get it and he almost acts like that to a point where u have to wonder if thats on purpose?? if he's acting like this bcuz he doesnt want to face the consequences of his actions, which i would argue is also true. he is shown feeling guilt when talking abt the season one contestants he killed but outside of that he does not seem to care about any harm or destruction he's caused to these peoples lives, i would argue bcuz he is so disconnected that he physically can not empathize with them or understand what they are experiencing. he is for the most part only concerned with his own desires and wants, he wants to make his gameshow and that is what he's going to do regardless of who he hurts (aka literally everyone) he is disconnected from reality but he also obviously cares, he is not a violent person although he is strong and able to defend himself. he actually HATES hurting people and feels a lot of guilt relating to that and cares so much abt liam he wants him to be happy and feel better. but primarly he focuses on himslf bcuz he has to, he has been isolated for DECADES with his cassette player as his only compainionship and he puts that and his gameshow above everything else. he can obviously lie to get what he wants as shown in episode 17 (although not very well) anyway i would say that he knows he is hurting people and destroying lives deep down inside himself but he has to ignore that for his own sanity and the guilt is too much to bare. its also true that if these are all real actual people then that means that he did actually kidnap all the original contestants and then commit mass murder and they all had lives and families of their own, and that is literally not something he can cope with as seen in episode 17 in this way he almost parellels charlotte who also pushes her guilt deep down inside in order to get what she wants

[sharpth1ng]

okay, this might be a weird question, but you say that Billy, Randy and Stu met in 1st-2nd grade. Do you think Stu or Billy did the stupid “hurt the person you have a puppy-love crush on to get their attention” thing when they were younger? bc, personally i think Stu might’ve started pulling Billy’s hair or smth to get his attention

Not a weird question but ima write you an essay lol sorry

So my answer to this has a lot to do with my hc of autistic Billy, cause here’s the thing, a person can be a special interest.

You just kind of want to be around them all the time and you want to study them and because of the fact that you’re studying them you end up being able to read them way better than you can read anyone else, and it makes it easier to interact with them. Generally they’re also people you can be your autistic self around and not worry that they think you’re mean or rude, and it doesn’t feel exhausting to interact with them so you have way more energy for them than anyone else.

So I think for lil Billy that was his mom, like boy was ATTATCHED, and I think probably did not have a whole lot of energy for other people like his classmates (including Randy).

Then Stu joins their class the next year, and I think young Stu is this bubbly, hyper enthusiastic and friendly kid, probably pretty immediately popular because he’s an obvious class clown. And he makes friends with both Randy and Billy, who probably hasn’t really had someone he actually considered a friend before, but for some reason he actually wants to spend time with Stu? Like he cares about trying to understand him and all of that is new and weird and it freaks him out.

All this is to say I actually think Billy is the hair puller because he doesn’t know what to do with that, and hair pulling just turns into insults and punches as they get older. I actually hc Stu as the kind of really innocent kid who would like, pick a dandelion and give it to a same-gender crush without even realizing that’s what he’s doing or that it might get him bullied.

He only learns to be like 2% more subtle as he ages.