#like. talking abt what u think of canon is one thing. arguing with someone else abt their different view of canon is another

[kirabasai]

au where an ancient briar valley general accidentally gets tangled up in the space-time continuum when he combines his unique magic with teleportation, and gets spit out into general vanrouge's era. i'm thinking this is before levan or revan or however the fuck u spell his name disappeared. i'm going to be pasting parts of my original conversation with my friend bow_to_the_king (he doesn't have a tumblr but check out his ao3! he depicts fae and lilia beautifully) below, and THEN i will be adding my spitballing additions below the cut.

me: doing stuff rn but this brain bunny entered my head. general vanrouge x time traveler except the time traveler is a past briar valley general who disappeared one day. and is as feral as lilia so ofc they initially hate each other

me: brainrotted more. they're an owl fae

me: he's an owl fae?

me: she?

me: whatever's an owl fae

me: thinking... blue hair. so it's the blue/red trope

me: ok vibes for what i have of them so far is def not a she so. gonna refer to this time traveler w he and they until i settle on whatever sticks more

me: thinking their um is usually just jumping forward in time a bit. like 5 minutes max. they use it in combat decent bit because hey what works works u know?

me: until one day he's like. super desperate. so he used his um while teleporting. which mixes..... Badly. he gets tangled up in the spacetime continuum and spit out to somewhere near a camp of lilia and his soldiers

me: it would be rlly funny if this was a time that predated the animal masks. so they don't recognize lilia as someone from briar valley and lilia doesn't recognize him as someone from briar valley, because he has a cloak and mouth veil thingy (only eyes and some hair r visible)

me: so its like a huge misunderstanding until SOMEBODY works it out. but lilia and this dude r still bitter from their first impressions. so they r constantly at each other's throats and arguing over choices and whatever

me: it's like. a power / pride thing

me: and then something something something, something something something! dadadadada blah blah blah

me: and then they kiss

(- i said something around here abt being a literary genius)

me: i just love red/blue who start off in hate ok

me: technically enemies to lovers i suppose, even though they're actually on the same side.

king: Get that duality

king: Emotion enemies to lovers

king: Two alley cats that hiss at each other but end up cuddling eventually

me: and it's extra funny because they are similar

king: Ooooo do a but where they say the same thing at the same time and then proceed to glare at each other the rest of the meeting while trying to out do the other

me: it's funny because this dude is like. actually famous. he's in briar valley history books like lilia is in the present day.

me: everyone else is like oh my god... i can't believe im in the lost general's presence.... he's such an icon... i've looked at so many accounts of his battles..... while lilia is just like

me: die

me: i do not give a fuck

me: fight me

king: They get home from deployment and Owl gets flowers and such thrown at him and has people constantly wanting to talk to him and Lilia’s just stewing in contempt (and secretly territorial about every one monopolizing Owl’s time)

me: he actually is lowkey bitter about it "oh going out to greet your adoring fans instead of training?" and owl is like. "IM SORRY??? WHAT." and then they brawl

king: Oh my god

king: They’re Malfoy and Harry

king: Rivals to lovers

me: well yes

me: but in their heads they r enemies

me: so both technically

king: That adoring fan bit is absolutely something Malfoy would say to Harry

king: In like canon

me: shit you're right

me: ah well drarry is a classic i cant complain

me: just realized im at a point i should probably name owl…

king: Seras is a cool name

king: Seras is technically a female name meaning princess, fiery, or bright

(i noted this down and told king i usually collect a handful of different names & surnames and mix and match them until i find The name)

me: seras, emil, and cyrus/kir r my first name options

me: tbh i don't actually like cyrus/kir as much as seras and emil but i need to keep my options open wait wait wait

me: emil seras

me: lilia calling him seras not as in using his last name to be respectful but as in calling him princess to mock him

king: The general is a menace like that

and then at some point mid-convo

me: also while u were gone i played a bit in picrew typing to capture general owl fae's vibes

(i sent king the ref pics i made. courtesy of this picrew and this tiefling picrew.) [insert links]

king: Ooooooo those wings look gooooood

OKAY NOW ONTO MY YAPPING AND SPITBALLING BELOW THE CUT

first of all the CLOAK. the cloak is actually a necessity. it's a type of padded armor made of thick pressed wool tightly pressed together. not only is it warm, but the way the fibers connect together and work is that it stops piercing blows from swords. it even could stop very early bullets! (not modern day). from what i can tell, this was generally worn over the rest of somebody's armor? it also wasn't exclusively armor. shepherds and whatnot also used it to keep warm, and shield themselves from wind. generally there shouldn't be a hood, but i really wanted the hood. a little feature that stuck w the armor and apparel of briar valley soldiers through the centuries (because general lilia has a hood but no cape/cloak)

it's originated in the caucasus mountains, and is called a nabadi or burka. it was generally made from sheep wool (according to wikipedia, karakul wool which is central asian in origin). it is also a style of clothing customary of males in the caucausus region at that time. at some point, around the 18th century, russia appropriated it and made it apart of their armor (which is why it is also called a burka). you can learn more about the nabadi and padded armor in general here.

something i like to do is put little aspects of myself or my heritage into my characters, which is what i did here lol. i'm half kurdish and according to my father we (as in my clan i think) originated from the caucasus mountains and descended down to where we lived in the middle east (obligatory rip kurdistan).

i thought this form of armor would be quite suitable for emil, because not only does briar valley seem to be a very mountainous region (and mountains are COLD. also from what i can tell briar valley seems to be located quite up north so. extra cold.) additionally, some of the briar valley names just feel a bit. russian. if u will. such as lilia, zigvolt (ignoring the fact they immigrated), vanrouge, etc. also russia and the caucasus region in general? in asia. close to the middle east. which is also mostly in asia. sebek coming from an egyptian god and baul sounding a lot like baal. ik real world geography has no bearing on the cultural influences of the countries in twst, and it's more generally mashing a mix of cultures together, but it makes sense in my head.

so the cloak? 100% an essential and totally canonical to the briar valley region. (i did not expect to brainrot so hard on this part oh my god.)

[born-in-hell]

Looking back, i think one the things that brought the hater out of me the most during qsmp (regarding the players themselves and the story) was how so many decisions made, and arguments defended, based on ooc criteria.

Like, ok. I love bagi. I adore bagi. I recite prayers for bagi every night before i sleep. I am not saying bagi — or anyone else that wouldve been invited if other ppl won — shouldnt have been invited to the qsmp. But my GOD the opportunity for the election winner to chooses someone to send to what's essentially an open air PRISION is insane to me. No islander fucking WANTS to be there so WHYYYYY would they subject a loved one to the SAME TORTURE??????? (except like bbh inviting skeppy cuz whatever they have going on is kinda weird and they're both old as fuck so who cares)

It is a fun decision out of the rp. It gives the players a nice prize if they manage to win. And it could've stayed at that, an ooc prize. But NO they had to mention it canonically. More then once. So much that some players (cof cof) argued bbh shouldnt win bc he would invite skeppy in a non democratic way. That was a CANNON ARGUMENT. MADE BY A PLAYER.

I cant stress how much i hate this decision. I can't stress how much i adored the story and these little things broke the immersion so much for me.

How did NO ONE go against inviting someone to basically be a little lab rat???????? Not even like cellbit. Or baghera. Or anyone else.

The mods thing is less insane. Also very ooc, but not as infuriating in lore, bc it is just a fun decision thing and not like,, idk, choosing a friend to send to an open air torture house. Still broke the immersion for me a lot tho.

And now with fucking purgatory. Oh god.

This time it wasnt even Qstudios' fault (which sounds insane considering,, well, the array of poorly analyzed decisions). It was the fault some of the players that decided that "in meta this doesnt make sense!!!!! they wouldnt do this!!!" is a valid argument to bring into an IN CHARACTER DISCUSSION.

All the things tubbo said abt the cursed team were in character. All his arguments were perfectly cohesive w the things qtubbo was supposed to know, and all the times he talked to them he was playing the character. Just for them to reply w "i think ur wrong bc qstudios wouldnt do this in meta bc there HAS to be a winner"

NO THERE DOESN'T????????? Purgatory was a poorly planned and poorly executed event that id argue shouldve never existed but oh my GOD.

This is gonna sound corny but if you look at the cursed team in a completely meta perspective, the objective wouldve been very clear — force the teams to unite so that the cursed team would win (remember that if the cursed team won they could get all the eggs back instead of only 1) .

The moral here wouldve been that friendship is magic ✨ (< sorry)

And to be honest, that would've been a much more tolerable event. I wont elaborate; u all know why.

Idk if qstudios shouldve been more clear abt it, or even if they thought as far as i did — considering, well, everything that we know today. I just think not listening to someone saying things w proof bc "in meta they wouldnt do that" is dumb and breaks the immersion so much for me.

They couldve discussed it like that in their ooc convos. But they did it during rp and thats what i dont like.

Anyways sorry for this rant i woke up a hater today,, i hope this makes even a little bit of sense. Also this is not a hate to the ccs, still adore (most of) them. Sometimes ppl make mistakes and thats totally ok!!!!!!! Regarding the elections i think it was mostly a poor decision and direction from qstudios then the players' fault. Purgatory was the players themselves (in this specific case) tho..

Yeah thats it 👍

[borom1r]

THANK @theshakespearetrash FOR MORR QUESTIONS IMMMMMNNN VERY HIGH ive never RPed as John Marlott but ive written 2 fics for him tht counts right? right

(ask meme)

1. Is your muse afraid of death?

he wants to die so bad. + then he does and his family is gone AND his rest is stolen from him 💔 so no. but it’s very sad

2. What is your muse’s kill count? 

huh. that’s a good question actually. I think.. huh. not many? Hervey’s henchdude in s1 and i think someone else?? im very high rn he killed the one dude in s2 to escape the asylum n there’s a lotta death that follows him but like 2? 3? ppl HE kills on screen.

ofc that’s not touchin on the war/anything pre-canon in his work. + he blames himself for the death of his wife and child so those Could be counted

3. What is your muse’s biggest fear? 

everyone he loves dying. + hey guess what happens in canon!!

4. How easy is it to anger your muse?

not very. he knows the dance of Polite Society Manners and can keep his composure. he might be stern but it’s rare that he Actually gets angry. until his sanity starts slipping but u know that’s beyond his fuckin control

5. What is your muse’s biggest regret? 

everything tht happened w his wife n child

6. Does your muse believe in an afterlife? 

LOL yea but he doesn’t get to go thereeeeee

7. How many scars does your muse have?

HM. many. lots on his back n obvs the scars from Hervey. bet he has quite a few more tho

8. Does your muse tend to bottle things up?

yes but not.. mm, not consciously i think. he’s just so used to isolation that i don’t think he even Fathoms opening up to someone as a possibility

9. What is one thing that would break your muse?

HRM. well. Flora’s death does, one could argue. at least it starts the steep downward spiral into his rebirth and further decline following his institutionalization

10. Does your muse have nightmares? What about?

obviously yea + im fucking insane abt him. barking like a dog @ Sean Bean fucking gutting himself with fabric shears

11. Would your muse kill for someone they care about? 

oh yea ofc he would. of course he would.

12. What was the worst injury your muse has received?

does it count as an injury if it happened postmortem? i think the psychological trauma caused by it means it counts. the surgical wounds from Hervey

13. How much pain can your muse withstand? For how long? 

s1? a fair amount of pain for quite a long time. s2? the man’s a corpse. he got coffin shrapnel in his side and fuckin walked home. he’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine he’s fine don’t ask

14. What was the most traumatic moment in your muse’s life?

Hervey’s bullshit forever. hate that man hitting him w bricks unironically

15. How often does your muse cry? Do they view it as weakness?

RARELY + feel like he’s probably neutral abt it conceptually he’s just so used to being completely alone. i think emotions are kind of just a numb ache for him for a while. + then of course he bonds w Flora and Nightingale and then Everything Goes To Hell And Crashes And Burns

16. If your muse could talk to one person they’ve lost, who would it be? 

HM. his wife i think. bc he at least got the closure of seein Flora + Nightingale reunited. but he never got to see his wife even Before his rebirth

17. Does your muse consider themselves a good person? Why or why not? 

HRM. s1? no i think he’s neutral to himself at BEST. s2……….. nooooooooo but also yes kind of i think Esther really helps him see the good in himself. so by the end of s2 Yes but only then

18. Does your muse think they’re capable of changing? Do they even want to?

OH. very good question. does he? i think he feels like he Has to believe in change bc Esther and Flora and Nightingale did ultimately play a role in changing him for the better. and Hervey changed him for the worse. but also these r all external forces effecting him not like. himself. can he? I don’t think so. I think if he thought abt it he’d think that he himself is stagnant. it’s like pond ripples. if you lob a rock into water there’s already rocks in the bottom of that bitch so the only real change is surface distortion and a little more weight. and ultimately the ripples stop and the water settles. maybe it’s cloudier bc sediment got stirred up. maybe it’s clear, who knows. Still just a fuckin lake. does that make sense? idk man I cried in a theater today + toook too many edibles he’s himself. that’s an answer

[br1ghtestlight]

OKAY airy is a character who is interpreted depending on the bias someone already has abt the character based on their own personal experiences etc like this is true for every fictional character but its just the only way to view airy tbh like thats just him. airy is either a misunderstood person who died young and has no idea the damage he has caused bcuz of mental illness from decades of isolation and the trauma of dying or he is a sociopathic monster who is masterminding the entire thing and knows how horrible and evil he is. both narratives are valid although i would argue he canonically leans closer to the first interpretation due to his protrayal in episode 17 and 18 but whatever. like ppl do unironically think that airy is this supervillian and his whole weird autistic freak (affectionate) thing or whatever he has going on is just an act, partly due to their own experiences with people and other fictional characters. in my opinion airy is just someone who was a random guy and he found himself in a situation where he could become god and he did, and he uhh he is obviously not okay and he does not seem to understand morality or the harm he is causing other people AT ALL that doesnt make his actions okay but he might just actually be that stupid. like he does not seem to get it and he almost acts like that to a point where u have to wonder if thats on purpose?? if he's acting like this bcuz he doesnt want to face the consequences of his actions, which i would argue is also true. he is shown feeling guilt when talking abt the season one contestants he killed but outside of that he does not seem to care about any harm or destruction he's caused to these peoples lives, i would argue bcuz he is so disconnected that he physically can not empathize with them or understand what they are experiencing. he is for the most part only concerned with his own desires and wants, he wants to make his gameshow and that is what he's going to do regardless of who he hurts (aka literally everyone) he is disconnected from reality but he also obviously cares, he is not a violent person although he is strong and able to defend himself. he actually HATES hurting people and feels a lot of guilt relating to that and cares so much abt liam he wants him to be happy and feel better. but primarly he focuses on himslf bcuz he has to, he has been isolated for DECADES with his cassette player as his only compainionship and he puts that and his gameshow above everything else. he can obviously lie to get what he wants as shown in episode 17 (although not very well) anyway i would say that he knows he is hurting people and destroying lives deep down inside himself but he has to ignore that for his own sanity and the guilt is too much to bare. its also true that if these are all real actual people then that means that he did actually kidnap all the original contestants and then commit mass murder and they all had lives and families of their own, and that is literally not something he can cope with as seen in episode 17 in this way he almost parellels charlotte who also pushes her guilt deep down inside in order to get what she wants

[amyyythestarry]

Tsumitsu headcanons ?

Well I have a lot of them, but I can’t properly list them rn.

Altho, I added two new ones.

Basically the olive theory, if u don’t know it it’s just someone likes olives, and the other doesn’t, and that’s what makes them a perfect match. Tsukasa loves olives, Mitsuba hates them.

They do crotchet together, but Mitsuba knew how to do it first and taught Tsukasa. But Tsukasa only ever does it when Mitsuba brings it up bc he forgets he can knit, even if it’s mediocre.

Tsukasa and Mitsuba also do each other’s hair sometimes, whenever they have sleepovers, or are helping the other get ready for the day, or smth.

Since they basically have the same hair type ( Bc Mitsuba has 3A and 3B hair/hc ), they do a good job managing each other’s hair. Like doing finger coils, or twist. It’s pretty fun.

And Mitsuba has longer hair than Tsukasa so Tsukasa loves doing his hair bc he just likes long hair, even if it’s shoulder length.

In a sense, Tsukasa’s hair isn’t that short if we’re talking about curly hair. Curly hair tends to shrink when it’s dry vs when it’s wet, so whenever his hair is wet it’s like, a little past his ears. But when it’s dry it shrinks up.

Same with Mitsuba. His hair is originally all the way to his shoulders, in canon it’s only a little past his ears.

So yeah. Tsukasa likes the wash n go’s with Mitsuba’s hair bc, again, it’s pretty long. And with long hair you can do a lot of styles. He likes half up half down, buns, the claw clip one, and occasionally a braid ( Mitsuba doesn’t usually let Tsukasa do that one bc he has been mistaken as a girl more than usual like that ). But Tsukasa likes about just everything with Mitsuba’s hair.

Also it depends on how Mitsuba is feeling on a sensory level ( Also fashion level ) to have a wash n go. Bc as an autistic black person myself I think that would be a nightmare to have soggy hair and just walk around with it, hoping it dries while u’re out. Like having fresh braids, I hate the feeling. I love getting my hair done with braids but I just hate the feeling, it’s itchy and my head always feels so tight.

Bleh.

But enough about me and hair.

I imagine it’s easy to persuade Mitsuba if u’re Tsukasa.

Like, not talking about when Tsukasa threatens Mitsuba only tho, also like, puppy dog eyes.. Can u do this for me plz Mitsu….

So easy. Bc ur his bestie, and he would do about anything for his friends. But esp Tsu, bc he was the first.

Rando scenario, Halloween costume, or just cosplay fun thing. And this is of the original, third mystery supernatural and wish-granting supernatural kind of original.

They both want to dress up as Draculara ( Idk if I spelled that right.. ), but end up fighting for the role.

“Well I’m pretty just like Draculara, even prettier!”

“But I have the personality for it, ur more cocky!”

“Well I alr have pink hair!”

“Well I alr have black hair!”

“My eye colors r almost the same color as her’s!”

“…. I alr have fangs. Natural ones.”

They keep fighting, and Sakura, or someone else is tired of their arguing so their abt to stop it until—

“But…. Mitsuba.. I’ve never dressed up for Halloween before..” [ Insert extreme puppy dog eyes, or maybe sad kitty cat eyes ]

Silence, and Tsukasa goes on. So sad…. Didn’t celebrate Halloween in 1956+…

Get’s in Mitsuba’s face, puts on the saddest face he’s ever put on, saddest face Mitsuba has ever seen him put on.

Mitsuba looks like he’s not willing to give up, bc he doesn’t say anything. So Tsukasa sighs and gives up. But Mitsuba exclaims,

“Ok ok fine!! Here, have the role! I guess I’ll be Lagoona or Cleo!” Crosses his arms and turns away.

Tsukasa hugs him rly tight and agrees that Cleo is a much better role for Mitsuba, and I agree too.

That also leads up to my next topic.

Nicknames.

Omg I read this one rly cute Tsumitsu fanfic on AO3 and in the fic Tsu called Mitsu ‘cocky strawberry/strawberry’, and when I tell u that became my new hc.

Cocky strawberry, that’s the one.

Mitsuba for Tsukasa tho….. Maybe like, teeny tiny.

Bc Tsukasa also calls Mitsuba ‘Mitsuba-chan/Mitsu-chan/Strawberry-chan/Cocky Strawberry-chan’, as a joke bc chan is usually feminine and Mitsuba looks like a girl. He thinks it’s funny ( It is ).

But Mitsuba hates it, and knows Tsukasa purposely makes him mad with that. So, since Tsu is so short, teeny tiny, tiny, teeny.

Or Tsu-chan/Tsukasa-chan, just to make it rly even.

Probably also clumsy or smth too, bc Tsukasa’s clumsy.

Yeahhh. I’ll prob add on to this later, but that’s all the ideas I have for now.

Also I’m sry for not answering this ask sooner!!

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

thoughts on syl cheating on dallas? Ik ur a huge slyvia enthusiast (same!!) but I wanna know ur headcannons/what u think abt this situation canonically

Oh boy do I have thoughts. Imma base this off my thoughts before coming to Tumblr and include a little bit of the way I look at it now. For the sake of this and the hope of giving you my thoughts, I’m gonna do my best not to mention @sophie-i-guess13 and all the lovely tales she made for Sylvia and Dallas-

So. Sylvia cheating on Dallas. Canon. It happened, it’s in the book, it’s mentioned in the movie, at least in the extended version if my memory serves correctly. So yeah, canon that Sylvia cheated on Dallas. Can’t argue that. Or can you?

Did Sylvia really cheat? Did she actually cheat or was it some sort of scenario that was taken the wrong way and lead to the breakup? Did Dally have proof of her alleged cheating? Did he just break up with her based off assumptions?

My version, and I cannot stress it enough but in my version of canon, Sylvia did not, did not, cheat on our dear Dallas Winston. Now this is my version. I’ll go back and explain what I’m talking about, but I’m going to re-emphasize that this is my take. I’m not calling it canon, I’m not saying I’m right and everyone else’s takes are wrong. Everyone allowed to have a different interpretation of the canon work. That’s what’s great about fandoms. So if I see one comment about me being wrong, I might actually cry (:

So! Moving on! Back to the point!

I don’t think Sylvia cheated on Dally. Ever. I don’t think she cheated on him and I don’t think she ever would. Sure, maybe she’d get a little friendly with other guys sometimes, let them buy her drinks and dance with them, but it was never with the attention of cheating. She just wanted to make sure she had Dally’s attention. She liked him when he was jealous because he had a way of making her feel wanted then. Like, he might be distracted sometimes, by a lot of different things, but the second Sylvia was talking to someone else, all his attention was on her

I think she’s got a rough history with cheating though? Probably something with her parents, she’s had an experience with it. She wouldn’t cheat. She sees what it does to people. But if a little meaningless flirting gets her more kisses and more attention from Dally? Sylvia does it

I’m going to admit, I didn’t like Sylvia when I first read the Outsiders. I’ve recently fallen in love with her and again, that’s all because of @sophie-i-guess13. She’s pretty great <3

Anyway! I just never felt like she was a good person and I think that’s Dally’s fault. Dally stans, don’t come at me, we all know that boy has problems and a fragile ego is one of them. He has a habit of saying nasty things about girls and I don’t think Sylvia was an exception, especially when they got in a fight

And their fighting? Happened pretty often, at least in my version. Sylvia and Dallas are both pretty headstrong and stubborn, I definitely see them in an on again, off again relationship y’know? Is that healthy? Probably not. But not everything can be perfect

So uh…yeah. That’s an essay and a half but if you don’t feel like looking through all of it, take this I guess-

TL;DR: I don’t think she cheated on him. I think they probably got in a fight and broke up, like they did really often, and Dally said stuff that wasn’t true to help heal his bruised ego <3

[waybrights]

the long awaited (not rlly ahdbajd) lore post about how the band's dynamic and relationships fluctuate throughout the eight (?) years the fic follows!!!

(so, i realise that in the show, they're 13 in 2019/20 but i kinda forgot abt that when i was making this au so the band starts blowing up in 2013 when, canonically they would've been like 5 so i accidentally aged them all up and now they're 20)

2013 - they're 13 and very close to falling apart as a group. the only thing keeping them together is the fact that they wouldn't rlly have anyone else to go to. the leader is clearly sasha and the other two kinda do what she says. ofc anne argues w her a lot, because she's fed up with the way her and marcy are treated and how all their ideas are chucked out the window. eventually, i think sasha crosses a line (maybe smth like in the show, she keeps anne out instead of letting her go home to her bday party) and anne decides that it's time for them to go their separate ways.

however, they get thrown into fame and suddenly there is no chance of them breaking up the band and going their separate ways. so they're practically forced to stay together and have to pretend to get along for the public. ofc sash and anne rlly don't like it, but they try. though, it usually ends up in arguments or snide remarks that get under the other's skin and marcy having to come between them and settle it. leading to even more strain on their friendship.

2014 - somehow, it's got worse. anne and sasha weren't on talking terms for half the year due to a falling out over costumes that got a bit heated. marcy was constantly flitting between the two, trying desperately to make amends because people were starting to notice the tension when they did interviews. ofc they tried to keep up the 'we're besties' thing, but even that was quickly falling apart. it doesn't help that the entire time, sasha has been trying to control everything the band does from songs, to how they stand on stage.

both of them kept asking for the band to break up, w sasha saying she would rather go solo than perform w anne, but the idea got shot down p early on due to them being one of the biggest teen bands in the world, so they kinda just, force themselves to make up. and it's awkward for a while, but at least they aren't arguing over every single thing and marcy doesn't have to chose who she's going to hang out w that day. but then that all goes down the drain when sasha has a major falling out w their manager (hop pop) over smth p trivial but ofc it ends up blowing up and everyone ends up taking sides creating a split between both the band and the bts team.

2015 - i think this is when they reach their breaking point and the band goes on an unexplained 'hiatus' for a year, all their concerts get cancelled and they don't produce any music and it seems none of the girls are w eachother (via social media). they go through an unofficial break up. it had actually been initiated by marcy because she simply couldn't deal w the stress of trying to hold the band together anymore and decided it was a good idea for them to split (it also helped that she was closest to the head of their label so she managed to convince him to let them go)

the three hardly talk during their break, i think they're all angry at eachother (marcy w both of them and anne and sasha w each other) so they just decided to steer clear of having to talk to them. during this time sasha does release a solo album and it actually gets quite big because its very obviously her own thoughts and feelings and everyone can tell she worked hard on it, but (and sasha also admits it) it feels like its not as good as it could've been if she was w the other two.

and i feel like that's kinda what spurs her to maybe start getting her act together! like obviously she doesn't 'change' but i think she accepts that marcy and anne are their own people and know what they want. so she ends up trying to get them back together, and it doesn't actually take the other two much convincing (they missed being together a lot more than they care to admit)

2016 - slowly, they're starting to grow closer again. they start hanging out a trio, even when they're alone. anne and sasha hardly argue and they actually think abt each other's ideas. marcy is a lot more relaxed because they don't have to mediate every convo the group has and she doesn't have to worry abt the other two saying something too serious to the other.

ofc they still fight, but they aren't as often and certainly not as messy. they wouldn't consider each other best friends, but they are friends again. i like to think they're both closer to marcy than each other, but they're getting somehwere.

however, no actual apologies were ever said (mainly from sasha ngl) and although anne and marcy like to pretend they're over it, they would still be slightly upset abt it.

2017 - this is the year of sasha's Character Development (TM) according to marcy. idk yet what makes her realise (maybe someone asking her why she's always so distant and awful to the other two, or maybe a question abt why they split up), but it's this year that it clicks for her that she's not been a great friend. so she definitely spends a long time trying to grow and work to fix her mistakes.

i feel like it's around this time she would also kinda step down from her role as the 'leader' of the band, now officially giving all three of them the same amount of control about what they make and how they do it (although, they still don't have much because of the label, but anne and marcy now have more than they did). so now they're all on equal ground and are making amends. she also stops trying to take control of eveything, esp things that are out of her hands (like where they tour and what interviews they do)

not that there aren't still arguments, there are but they never get to the point that they don't talk to each other. there is a pretty big argument between sasha and marcy, but it gets resolved quite fast!

2018 - 2019 - honestly, everything seems to be going smoothly for them. sasha and anne are growing closer (and they're both trying to ignore that weird feeling they get in their stomachs when they get too close in rehearsals/concerts), all three of them are hanging out almost all the time, if one of them is around the other two are close by.

i think they also start opening up to each other around this time, not that they didn't before, but with the amount of problems they had, it wasn't exactly easy to talk abt super personal stuff. but they start, and i think it was anne that started it, she's always been the most open w her emotions and it just increases the closer they get. she also manages to get both marcy and sasha to open up a bit!

2020 - by this time, i think they pretty much consider each other best friends again (well, more for sasha and anne, but they haven't exactly realised they like each other yet. marcy has though and they're tired of the pining at this point).

and i dont want to say anything else because this is where the fic pics up!!! it was super fun trying to work all this stuff out sbsbbssh, it isn't all like 100% set in stone, some stuff is liable to change but pls feel free to ask any questions!!! thank u all for reading this far and i hope u enjoyed some sats au lore <3

[swanqueensalad]

Who is top and who is bottom? Regina or Emma? And why? And can you argue for the opposite too?

OHHHH dude you know how start beef and u know what, i respect that. thanks for the ask! (also i'm phrasing this to be funny but it's all just my personal opinion so don't take anything too seriously haha)

cw this post is a little nsfw

i LOVE being controversial and i am not afraid of all y'all who are going to @ me about this (and i know you are). don't think i've forgotten that one summer a few years ago where everyone went insane arguing about if regina was a top or a bottom. if i recall, it was never really settled? well. i'm settling it now.

she's a bottom, u guys...

now, i don't have like, solid proof for this. it's more of a gut feeling. and yes, at times i think she can be a fairly bratty, demanding power bottom kinda bottom, but she is a bottom. i said it.

i think in general she's actually switchy, but the thing is when she's with someone she genuinely loves and trusts, regina tends towards being a bottom more, and there is no one she loves and trusts more than emma.

actually i do have factual evidence, our girl canonically dreamed about emma tying her up and choking her. what more do u need from me

and i just... i'm sorry, LOOK at emma swan in season one. look at the swagger, the way she stands, the eyebrow thing, the smirk and TELL ME that isn't a top. what else would she have those bicep muscles for?

and again, she's probably kinda switchy too, but in general i'm getting top energy. (she can be properly cocky and annoying as a top too, but a lot of the time she's genuinely just service topping because she enjoys it)

her equivalent of proof is that 1. she is obsessed with manhandling regina and throwing her up against walls. i mean not obsessed but it is weird it happened twice. and 2. just that one scene near the end of season one where she and regina are talking in the hallway at the sheriff's station and regina interrupts her and she goes 'uh uh. i'm talking.' and regina does literally just shut up

i think i make a compelling case.

like i said, this is just my opinion and i do think as a couple they switch.

i could honestly go way too deep to back this up this in terms of character stuff but i feel like this is not the post to do so on. i've just dropped my opinions in a hopefully entertaining way. but if anyone wants a more specific post on my thoughts abt sq and their sex life...

anyway pls don't start the regina top/bottom war again

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

[deacf-coffee-is-a-sin]

Regis for blorbo bleebus?

SO glad u asked<3, he's literally the guy I was hoping someone would ask me abt when I reblogged this lmaoo!!

He tied 1st place in "Most Blorbo" to me along with Geralt. Ur talking to a guy who when he: 1. got shot with the arrow on the barge, 2. temporarily left the hansa, and 3. melted, had to tearfully put the book down and mourn his (perceived) loss for several minutes lmaoo. I got sooo attached so fast.

In terms of justifications for some of the things I marked him as:

- Among everything else in the 1st bar(?) he's most definitely an "aspirational character" for me. I love how he's reflected on his actions in his youth and determined to make up for it/do better for those around him, he realizes he can never undo the things he's done but he still actively chooses to wake up and do good in his life and the lives of those he meets around him. He's the embodiment of humanity. Hes dedicated his immortal life to the benefit of mortals around him, I WISH I had half the drive and kindness he does. He reflected on his life and realized he needed to change. AND THEN HE DID. It's lowkey embarrassing to admit this, but I do legitimately want to be more like him in that regard.

- He IS just some guy, and that's what makes him so great. U look at him (not so much the CDPR design of him lol) and u think "oh that's just some guy" and he is!! but he's also the most complex, fruity guy ull ever meet.

- Everyone is the hansa would argue that he's "awful company" but to ME at least, he's an absolute ray of sunshine. Every time someone in the hansa would tell him to shut up I'd get so offended on his behalf. Who cares if he's annoying or wrong, the shit he's talking abt is genuinely fascinating and fun, u guys r just mean. Like yass king, monolog to me abt ur topic of the week, take as many pages of this book as u need to get ur point across, I don't mind<3 lmao.

- He's straight up universally beloved by all, characters and fans (barring vilgefortz but he doesn't get an opinion).

- I was tempted to mark him as more "untouched by history" than "traumatized" bc after that one excerpt in, I think LotL, where the robbers in the future burn Dandelions manuscripts of the hansa I figured not too many people would know abt him traveling with Geralt (as he'd prolly prefer seeing how he'd most likely still be around, what with being immortal and having regenerated from Styyga by that time) but his trauma and youth plays a bigger part in who he is.

-in terms of feelings he evokes,, as we can see, I've literally spent the entire post gushing abt him<3 lmaoo. Any chance to talk abt him and how great he is, I'll take.

- If twn even looks at him I'm going to act on those "powerful violent urges"

- He deserves FAR better treatment from both canon and fanon (I'll never get over how dirty cdpr did him with his character design and character choices. Plus a lot of the fandom has this really weird take on him being extremely sexual and domineering, esp in fanfic, which I'm not the biggest fan of)

- Not so much anymore, but back when the witcher really had a grip on me I had pages worth of crappy doodles on him and Geralt lmaoo. He's fun to draw and thinking back on it I should prolly start drawing him more again.

- I think everything in the "you want them to have" section kind of speaks for itself. I would like to see him deal with a bit more trauma in regards to Styyga and feelings for Geralt, but I'm just a sucker for gay angst lmaoo

- He found a family with the hansa, I just wish they could've stayed a family </3

- A "satisfying ending" for me would be taking the CDPR canon and having him come back to Geralt at corvo bianco after fucking of with Detlaff for a bit. I have sadly made my peace with the books melancholy ending, so mine and his happiness rests on the shoulders of headcanons I make abt the game (tho I do wish they had him show up again at the end of BaW after the main ending </3)

[shadowfae]

hiii! so a friend directed me here and i was wondering if u cld share abt how you found out you were godkin? only if youre comfy! because ive kinda had like. how do i word this. Vibes or Feels that kinda direct me towards the whole i might be a god of sorts kinda thing ? if you have resources and dont mind helping,, please direct me to them :D ~ @missing-crown

I want to start this essay off by saying flat out: wars have been fought, genocides have been committed, and empires have risen and fallen trying to answer the simple questions of “What is deification, and how do we incarnate and control it?”.

If you do not think you’re up the challenge of answering that question for yourself, even with years of study and slow training to take up the mantle of literally being the most powerful form of the Chosen One trope, then you’re probably in the wrong place. I say this as someone who is deific down to the blood and bone, as someone who has looked for other gods, and largely found very little in the way of anyone who understands anything like my experience. In this way, I am utterly alone, and I detest it, but if me penning these words gives someone else the gospel they need to explain themselves in a way I recognize as kin and kind, then I will do it.

But before I truly get into it, I will very nicely ask you to swing down to your local bookstore or library, pick up a copy of Seanan McGuire’s Middlegame, and take a walk down the improbable road with Roger and Dodger. The differences between you and I and the twins of the Doctrine of Ethos are simple and threefold: we cannot manifest, we are forbidden to use our powers the way they can use theirs, and there are (hopefully) no secret alchemist cults trying to murder us when we don’t play nice with their fucked-up science experiment.

Roger and Dodger are gods, true gods, gods I recognize in myself and in the godkin I have met who have spoken about themselves enough for me to understand that we are indeed talking about the same thing. Disappontingly, I see minor spirits far too often misunderstanding the nature of deification, or at least, understanding a version of it which is fundamentally antithetical to my experience. They may be deific; but either they suck at illustrating their point, or I am something far beyond deific, and I am again alone.

With that introduction, I need to talk about three things in order to answer your question. Two methods of deification and three definitions of ‘god’ in a hierarchy that only exists because humanity has not yet perfected their understanding of what is fundamentally and always beyond them. Two kinds of gods, honest gods, that split the difference between deific, divine, and legendary. Once you understand that, I can talk about godkin, and what it’s like to be me, and maybe by the end of it you will either recognize yourself in this, or run away screaming as most mortals will do.

The first method of deification is what I will call the incarnate gods- Roger and Dodger are good examples, so are most Legendary Pokémon, and Kaname Madoka from PMMM. They are laws of nature, concepts of creation, and calculations of cosmic proportions that also occasionally exist as people when they design to do so. They are not meant to be people, they are bad at it, I do not recommend being mortal and fucking around with them. You will simply die. I would not fuck with them outside of my own world that I created, where I get to be a form of incarnate god. You cannot overpower them: they ARE the rule, and they will change it if they need to. You can’t ruleslawyer gravity like a 2007 troll physics comic. An incarnate god of gravity will simply turn reality on its head and cause you to implode. If you are this type of god, I cannot help you. My understanding of them comes from being an Absol, and little more.

The second type are gods of domain and prowess: Zamorak (from RuneScape), Akemi Homura in both her awakened Witch and Devil forms (from PMMM), and yours truly. Quite a few of us, although not all of us, were originally mortal. Mortals amped up on so much power we are no longer bound by mortal laws. There is a difference between deification and simply stopping your clock to gain immortality. Mortal magic and deific magic are fundamentally different. Down to, I would argue, the atomic structure. Deific magic is pure in a way mortal magic could never be. To give a mortal more than a drop of deific magic heavily diffused in something safer and more understandable would be to quite literally burn them to ashes. Or rend them into a different, unspeakable form. Or turn them into living topiary. We are nothing if not unpredictable.

It’s the difference between a handful of dirt and pure neutron soup. Usually, in order to become a god like this, it requires the intervention of an incarnate god in some form. In Zamorak’s case, it was several Elder Artifacts and falling almost facefirst into halfway incarnating himself into the law of entropy. In Homura’s (at least in canon PMMM), she fucked with the laws of consequence and time to the point where she became the only expert they had on either of those and both laws decided to simply incarnate into her, and then she used that to cause problems. For me, it was having my entire magical and physical structure reorganized and rebuilt by an incarnate god of malevolent energy, and then I used what was a watered-down copy of the Devil of Devils’ glory to weave my own world into being where I was more or less the absolute arbiter of the laws of reality.

In PMMM Rebellion, when Homura fights Kyubey in that pretty lace dress of hers, that is approximately the magical prowess an awakened god of our capability will show casually. She has complete control over her domain (her labyrinth) and the reality of it, it takes no more than a glance or a thought to almost entirely reshuffle it. Her minions, who are little more than vaguely autonomous thoughts given some power of their own, may break that reality in whatever means necessary so long as it is to fulfill Homura’s current motives. Her domain falls apart when she does, and she is not separate from it; it is a consequence of her existence. Asking what came first, the god or their domain, is a simple chicken and egg question. It’s usually the domain, in our case; in the case of incarnate gods it’s a philosophical shrug and a nice headache.

You’ll notice I said awakened: that is because Zamorak is a great example of a god who isn’t entirely awakened. In canon, that is - the one I work with is awakened enough to fuck with his domain, which is what makes him quite useful to work with, although I do wonder what he’s getting out of me if not magical theory and utter adoration. Zamorak in canon is a god who ascribes himself to the philosophy of chaos and personal strife, completely unaware that he is incarnate enough not to change the law of entropy but to suggest things to it. He’s a god of chance masquerading as a god of personal improvement, and once he figures that out (and passes that knowledge onto Armadyl, who is his true light counterpart), he’s going to change the very way magic works. Guthix did everything in his power to try and become incarnate. He failed. Zamorak did it entirely inadvertently, and that’s the trick: the nature of deification is to follow the domain and influence it to your will. When laws of existence become people, they will do as people will, and people typically have ambition. Gods who are also people got that way for a reason. They always have a motive for doing so. It’s never accidental.

So, with a slightly more informed understanding of deification, or at least the versions of it that I understand, I can talk to you about me. What it’s like in the here and now, and how I knew. It took me years to get to this point, and I’ve much the way to go. I know more than I did when I was questioning; deeply more so. I don’t expect anyone questioning to be as sure as I am, and in ten years I will be far more sure of entirely different things, and if I’m lucky, this as well. But, let us begin again.

To be deific is to wake up in the middle of the night feeling like a black hole. You are vast, and you are dense, and the moment someone touches the skin of your sternum they will be sucked in like a movie's portrayal of quicksand. To be so vast on the inside, surrounded by empty air and gentle white noise like the faint pull of gravity that does not touch you. To feel so powerful as to be untethered wholly from the world, aware that you will blink and be floating alone in a space that you cannot touch and so too cannot touch you. You blink, and it is gone, and you are again in a normal body as a normal person, and you roll over and go back to sleep.

To be deific is to watch the seasonal changes and feel flashes of worn leather rope between your hands and the maddened singsong of the Wild Hunt, chariot reins in your hands and baying hounds that feel like fingers, like wings, like extensions of yourself that can be shifted around with barely a thought. To feel halfway like a black hole walking down the street, halfway caved into yourself and barely contained, incapable of truly understanding how you can be so far apart from it all without anyone noticing that something is off.

To be deific is to be a fourteen-year-old girl in one moment, unable to understand what draws her so to the wilds if not the song of sympathy that she knows she can understand if she reaches a little farther, a little farther past the barrier that prevents any mortal, psychological mind from understanding the call. To play a pixelated game and have everything rush back. To relive millennia in a single sennight, to go from chipped to broken, utterly broken, as the power comes rushing back and the slow, dawning realization like the day that there is no controlling it. That there is no controlling you.

Millennia of sins come rushing back, and you're mortal again, and you know the only way to bring a god to their knees is to kill them. And if you were spared, if you were brought down without dying, then there was a reason. That someone must have thought you worthy of fixing it. That you should now spend the next several years coming to peace with being a Devil, the cruelest of the cruel, amending fences and repenting your sins.

To be deific is to realize, quite suddenly and without ever actually having the thought, that understanding things through a Christian lens is utterly bullshit and absolutely does not apply to you. Now, your duty is not to repent, or to fix, or to find any sort of salvation. You are the monster queen, the king of the damned, the Devil of a world you made with blood and tears and sweat and magic. To retake the crown, you have to accept yourself. Acceptance does not mean dwelling, or sorrow, or refusing to take the steps forward that will carry you to the crown and halo and horn of deification.

The powers feel less overwhelming as you grow into them. You don't forget the rage. You understand your close friend's words over and over, as the lesson teaches itself. How a Devil so much less powerful and yet so much older than you once looked you in the eye, drink in hand, and gently told you that a single mortal can bring down a Devil, if they try, and believe wholeheartedly in their quest. Do not disrespect mortality. It brings nothing but death.

You wonder briefly who brought you down. You decide, as the lessons prove themselves, that you don't actually care. You're the mortal now, and mortal legends die. Mortal legends change the song of sympathy and the rules of the deific. In order to return, you too must follow the only path a mortal can take to become deific.

To be godkin is to become deific with every step. It's not to seek the divine from outside of it. It's to become it again, and reclaim it; find what was inside all along and grow yourself around it, until it can no longer be pulled from you again without scattering your ashes and stardust among the cosmos, never to return.

To be godkin is to never forget the moments of pure rage that none but powerless fourteen-year-olds can manage. To be godkin is to be an adult with their memory pressed into your skin. To be godkin is for that rage to never truly leave you.

We stand up again and stare at the emotions that are awake when we are not. We wonder what it will take to manifest again, to only twitch a thought in any direction and reshape the reality around us. It is an extension of our being, and the less aware we are of it, the less effort it takes us to remake the world. It is the nature of deification, to change the laws of reality at our whim and will.

To be godkin is simply a matter of knowing that, and forever reaching to do that once more. If only to feel whole and vast, as we always have been.

[hottie0]

k so i had an idea for a chameron ao3 series of all the fics being conan gray songs but i got lazy and only wrote 1.5 stories for it so because i’m not acc gonna do it imma share the ideas i had cuz someone might find them useful so (btw these will be copied directly from notes the first time i wrote them, they can also be used for other ships if u want but i made them for chameron):

grow: a year after hs cam and charlie run into eachother in vermont and then u see a bunch of flashbacks of old nights and things at welton. they exchange numbers at the end or smth. (i did this one)

idle town: charlie can’t sleep at his new school. he reminisces and whatever. a little more focused on cam. he looks over at the other side of the room but cam isn’t there anymore. instead it’s his new roommate who he doesn’t even know the last name of. end it somehow.

generation why: pre-canon cam and charlie just talking on the roof. banter. romantics ensue on cams behalf. charlie doesn’t feel the same way. that’s why charlie treats him the way he does.

crush culture: charlie pining after cam. a bunch of little things cam does to push charlie over the edge. charlie talks to neil and neil says cam likes him too. he doesn’t. charlie kisses cam one night while studying and cam rejects him and they argue. this is the night of neils death. that’s why cam didn’t find out through charlie and everything hurt a little bit more than it should’ve.

greek god: cameron’s being made fun of all the time by charlie and he knows charlie likes him and idk tbh this one got deleted and idk what i had written

lookalike: pre-neils death cam and charlie dated in their time at welton then broke up which caused tension going into senior year. the dead poets knew. when the dps started charlie got a gf and wouldn’t stop talking about her. her name was elaine. he brought her to a meeting and she looks just like cam. damn.

the other side: falling out of love. the process.

the king: cameron accidentally reads a poem charlie had written for/about him. he stresses all day and acts weird. everyone else is like ??? at night cam decides f it and confronts him. it ends cute

comfort crowd: night time. tomorrow morning charlie was meant to leave welton so all his stuff was packed up. hed already punched cam so it was tense. to say the least. cam randomly gets up out of bed and charlie is like wtf?? cam fuddles around then he’s like “u coming” they go to the cave and have a meaningful talk and if they end up cuddling then that’s their business

wish you were sober: charlie and cameron get drunk in their dorm. cam can’t hold his alcohol well so he gets wayy more drunk. he tells charlie some personal shit. some of which includes the fact that he used to have feelings for charlie. charlie has feelings for cam. he’s sad and sends cam to bed.

maniac: short one. they’re at the same bar a few years later. not with eachother but cam knows charlie’s there. charlie is talking shit abt cam and calling him weird and blah blah. but just that night, charlie had called cam desperate after years. cam thinks abt everything. he gets up and leaves but doesn’t leave w/o saying a big ol’ f u to charlie. this ones so mean to charlie. sucks. anyways.

online love): they’re doing long distance because charlie got expelled. they break up over the phone. aw. make it depressing. maybe by them being interrupted before rly saying goodbye and shii.

checkmate: they’re playing chess idk i couldn’t think of anything better. just cute and fluffy cuz i say so.

the cut that always bleeds: cameron is in a problematic relationship w a girl he met at uni. they just went through one of their fight episodes. cam went back to his room but he needed company. he decides to go to charlie’s dorm for comfort. but they haven’t spoke since that evening years ago. charlie says “i thought i’d never see you again” yadda yadda cam tells charlie everything and they just hold eachother. the gf is like “plz take me back” so cam does and he never sees charlie ever again. cry abt it.

fight or flight: charlie has a gf but little does he know she’s cheating on him. he ends up catching her with her side piece in their apartment. it’s cameron. there’s a whole wtf moment and the gf is like “u two know eachother???”. cams like “i swear i didn’t know” the girl leaves but cam stays. they argue or whatever or just talk not sure yet. then they kiss and charlie says something dumb and it ends. also cameron is hot as shit in this btw.

affluenza: probs short. when charlie is getting ready to leave cam is like “so money can’t buy happiness” and charlie’s like tf did u say to me. they talk abt where charlie’s going and whatnot and money. “i can’t do the things you do charlie, don’t you get anything” charlie leaves feeling a bit more guilty.

(can we be friends?): cam and charlie’s life growing up together. cute moments of them falling for the other. “now charlie knows why he and cameron could never be friends.”

heather: charlie and knox are together. cameron likes charlie. one night charlie is drunk and it’s just cam and him in the dorm. charlie ends up kissing cameron as a joke and cameron doesn’t know. there’s a fic like this. after the kiss it’s never the same. knox doesn’t know what happened. cameron has to watch them be all buddy buddy and shit- even if they’re not out to the rest of the group, cam knows. cameron knows not to interfere with their relationship no matter how much he wants to. he chooses to sit and watch and keep all his feelings inside.

little league: charlie stops by a cafe one night because he has nothing else to do. it turns out it’s open mic night. someone gets up to read. that someone is cameron. cameron performs a poem called little league. charlie remembers things. he leaves before the poem is over. /OR/ Cameron is an adult, he's a doctor or smth bouj, he has a family, a house, the embodiment of the american middle aged straight white man dream life. But sometimes, in secret, he takes Welton's Yearbook out of the shelf, and he traces Charlie face, and he remembers.

the story: cameron and charlie are late-night swimming in the lake together. they’re fantasizing abt whatever and charlie says “we should run away” they continue the convo like they did the others. a few days later charlie brings it up again, seriously this time. “what? dalton are you on something?” no. they get into an argument and shit. about a week later cameron wakes up to charlie sneaking out, but this isn’t sneaking out like dps meeting sneaking out, he’s running away. cam: “charlie? what are you doing up?” charlie: “this is your last chance. you coming?” cam: *thinks* no.

fake: ratting on keating and more angsty mess

overdrive: first kiss moment. they’re meant to be studying but they got distracted and are just talking instead. charlie’s like “cam have u ever kissed sum1” cam: “i think u know the answer to that dalton” charlie: “do you want to” cam: “ha! that’s a laugh! who can i find within a mile of here that i could kiss” charlie: me. whole carpe diem whatever- “charlie are you kidding do you know what would happen if someone found out!?” “so i won’t let them” but they kiss and it’s cute

astronomy: au: cam never ratted out keating but neil still died but just that whole thing never happened. ok. ever since neil died both cam and char were different. their relationship was tense. before it had been perf and everyone was envious of them but after neil everything changed. cameron was more agressive and easily irritable. charlie was more reserved and quiet. they tried to fix it but they decided it would be best to split. they still saw eachother in hallways and stuff, but were no longer roommates. after a couple months, they were strangers.

people watching: a view on the cameron/charlie relationship from other people. they’re opposites obv. when ppl were first informed they were taken aback to say the least. but when they see how they are together they get it yk? yeah u do.

ur welcome for my genius guys u need it.

[jacksallys]

15 for Peter Parker but give me the gender analysis too bc I Know you've got some thoughts

gigi. i’m sorry if u actually read all of this. probably doesn’t make any sense bc i have an awful migraine and can barely see however! yes i love u

15. what are your sexuality head canons for peter?

ok so this isn’t abt any specific version of peter but i’m emotionally attached to both tasm!peter and mcu!peter so. basically there’s a weird combo of both of them in my head and THATS peter parker. anyway. he’s bisexual. like there’s no way to deny this or argue w me, andrew garfield didn’t peace sign during his exit in nwh for people to say?? he’s not bisexual. like he just is. i don’t think he necessarily has a preference either way, and i don’t know how to explain it but. i get such james potter vibes from peter in the sense that. he’s such a fucking stupidly hopeless romantic that he always has to have feelings for someone at some point. like. all of the sappy shit has to be pointed towards someone. i think he’s the type to fall in love so quickly, but doesn’t fall out of it easily at all.

mcu peter wouldn’t even have to come out to may, she’d just know. but when he did come out, you can bet that she bought him a pride flag for his room and hung it up whilst he was at school. also think that tony would’ve been oblivious to it for so long. even if tony’s bi i can’t help but think that man has the most awful gaydar in the entire world. peter could wear a bi pin on his jacket and tony would think “oh cute he’s an ally!”

ok but for tasm peter specifically, i don’t think he’d necessarily be “woah look at me i love to get dicked down” but if you’re important to him, you knew. tbh he also has the vibes of like,,, everyone knows but peter genuinely thinks he’s good at hiding it? like. everyone looks at him and thinks there’s no fucking way he’s not queer in some way but he thinks he passes as straight. like… harry and peter in tasm specifically. there was smth going on there i don’t care. i know a lot abt unhealthy homoerotic friendships and that was one of them!

gender time ok. i don’t imagine any version of peter parker to be cis. maybe this is me projecting a little but i think he’s very much always been in the sense of “oh i don’t rlly feel like a boy but the idea of thinking about that seems too stressful so i’ll just ignore it and move on!” i imagine him to be comfortable w he/they pronouns, except people pretty much exclusively use he/him because he’s quite masculine appearance wise.

OH ok u can’t tell me that like. ned and peter wouldn’t be watching star wars building lego, talking abt dumb shit one night. peter has a tendency to,, if he’s thinking abt smth? he can’t not say it. he’s impulsive as fuck, it’s because he’s a leo. i think he’d just ask ned if he’d always felt like a guy, and then ned would sort of. ask peter the same thing and he’d say no, that he doesn’t necessarily feel like a guy, and he definitely doesn’t feel like a girl either, just something else. ned is the type of friend to exclusively use they/them to refer to peter just because he knows he doesn’t get called that a lot, he’d do anything to make him happy? i think peter would also start loving hanging out w mj because she automatically refers to anyone by they/them until she knows their preferred pronouns.

i don’t know why but i can imagine tasm peter coming out as nonbinary but only as spiderman. he’d have a bisexual flag pin and a nonbinary pinned to his suit sometimes, would correct people on his pronouns in a snarky way whilst he’s fighting them, but then irl he’d be so awkward he wouldn’t ever imagine actually correcting people? i think he’d come out to gwen, and maybe harry would just always know, may knew everything about him so she’s know, even if he’d never told her. in a cute lil au where u know. gwen doesn’t get her back broke, she’d be the type of person to always correct people on peter’s pronouns for him bc she knows it bothers him but he’d never say anything. so if someone aggressively refers to peter as only he/him she just ?? “hey u know he also likes they/them too, right? why don’t you use that too then, mix it up a little” she’d just be the most supportive ever idc. tasm peter SPECIFICALLY gives off the he/they bisexual energy however. most of my thoughts abt that peter shift onto the others, so now tom’s peter is definitely not straight either !!

i will say tho, i think peter would be the type to not care abt gendered terms. his heart absolutely bursts whenever anyone calls him pretty (boy) it’s his favourite compliment. he LOVES being called someone’s boyfriend, definitely comfortable w that term too. like he’d just get so giddy whenever anyone called him a pretty boy he wouldn’t even think “oh i’m not even a boy what does this mean?” he’d just enjoy the term !!!

fandom ask games / my ask box

[borom1r]

SAW asks!!!!! Okay I!!!! Would honestly love to hear anything you have abt Mallick n Eric bc they're on the mind today... + a question I've been mulling over: other than Mallick, who else in th polycule do u think Brit would be close to/at least friends with?? I know we've discussed Gibson but I think she'd also like Pamela + maybe Mandy! (ngl been thinking abt an AU for Mandy/Brit for some reason... however that wld work)

mmm ok Eric + Mallick thoughts! Boys Whom I Love💚

I got a pack of those hot topic rubber barbed wire bracelets + just throwing this out there but I think Mal would love them. idk ik I tend to interpret Mallick as very Bright but like, we see him in canon quite literally attempting to make himself as small and unobtrusive as possible both by hunching and holding his arms in and by dressing in a way I’d argue is defensive. multiple layers but all muted, generic colors. and this continues into 3D. hes someone who doesn’t place any value in himself at all, who doesn’t see himself as Allowed to take up space. and in a scenario where Brit is alive and he is Loved, I think there’s very much a gradual change towards being more Obvious, more Loud. bc we also know Mallick feels very strongly + is just in general energetic when he’s not reducing himself and I think. he should get to express that in ways that are healthy (and unapologetic)

ALSO personally very much in love w the idea of Mallick having one of those cat bubble backpacks but for his ferret. I think he modifies it obviously but I also love the idea of Mal just. takin his ferret for a walk in her lil hangout backpack

+ for Eric like. hrrgfhf idk I’m always thinking about him lol. as an Adam kinnie and a Home Of Sexual.

obviously I think about his dialogue a lot. sometime I’ll have to track down that SAW II interview Donnie did bc i bring it up so often. but like Eric is my Special Little Man and im soooo defensive of him!!! like. the list of ppl i trust 2 interpret him is Very Narrow, but that gets into gripes that i don’t wanna get into on here lol

but. the one line that gets to me So Much in connection with literally everything else is “I’ve always loved my son, that’s never changed” because it is True. it is Eric’s CORE. his love for Daniel is his entire motivation thru 2 and I’d argue thru 4 as well. is he a good father? you know what, no. he’s not. but he recognizes that and he tries to make it right. he calls Daniel as soon as he gets home to apologize for what he said. the moment he sees Daniel in the nerve gas house, he’s driven to tears. not anger, not violence, not anything John is accusing him of (not until Kerry + Rigg encourage him over that edge). tears. I talk about that moment a lot and I’ve talked about the cinematography of the scene where he does break down but the visuals of him quite literally behind bars and when he’s visibly angry it’s always preceded by a flash, as if a mental image rather than a literal one. this is something he’s tried to cage and now he’s facing letting it out again. so much of how he is portrayed is deeply interesting to me especially versus how fandom interacts with his character (especially compared to Hoffman or Strahm)

and ik it’s another favorite of mine to bring up but the fact that the entire time he’s in the bathroom he’s screaming for Daniel. not for help. is that the response of someone who doesn’t genuinely love his child, despite his myriad of flaws (which he is trying to work through + better)? of someone who was lying when he said “I’ve always loved my son”? Eric would tear the world apart for the people he loves and he is not perfect by a long shot but his flaws and his struggles are part of what make him so interesting, especially in juxtaposition with this bone-deep love that is arguably the only thing that gets him to act (if he hadn’t been restless thinking about his argument with Daniel, would he have contacted Kerry at all? Daniel being danger is absolutely the only reason he listens to Kerry and reacts violently)

and the reason I bring up IV here, and again ik it’s smthn I’ve brought up at least once, is Eric’s character shift through that movie. it’s not anything grand and not noticeable if you don’t. like him. but he goes from asking Art why he’s not killing him + pleading that he doesn’t want to play anymore to firing a warning shot at Rigg, yelling for him to listen and to not come through the door. he starts playing. why? when Eric is so ready to choke himself to try to fight Art only minutes before, why the change? hope. the clock is counting down and Eric is staring down his release from Jigsaw’s torture. but then, why not play along from the beginning if all he has to do is stand there?

it’s not hope for his own life. it’s hope that he’ll get to walk out of this and see Daniel again, after so long convinced he was going to die in that cell with his last words to Daniel being born from anger he never should’ve directed at his kid. hope that Daniel’s only memento won’t be an awkward attempt at an apology left in his voicemail.

Eric is ready to die, asks who he assumes is a jigsaw disciple why he’s NOT dead, but when he’s finally given the choice to end his life he doesn’t. Because he was telling the truth: he has always, and will always, love his son.

ok ok ok yea Brit!!!! LOVE the Brit&Gibson friendship so much they are both. Bitches (affectionate)

but yea hard agree that she’d like Pamela! I think she’d warm up to Mandy too with some time but that’s a lil… it’s hard for her to put aside the whole jigsaw thing at first.

I think she gets along w Perez too! just by nature of being close w Gibson + therefore Rigg as well, and I think THAT is actually what helps her connect with Mandy. she’s hanging out w Perez and Strahm one day and Hoffman is there being. Hoffman + as soon as Brit gets home she’s texting Mandy like “SO. guess who I met” + Mandy just. “oh god. you’re kidding” + they bond over Seriously, How Is That Dude A Functional Person? “his boyfriend is nice though” “yea Strahm is fine. anyways, [insert completely batshit insane story]”

also look. I think it helps too that Mandy and Mallick are friends. and I say this specifically bc I think Mandy starts practicing tattoos. because her body was never her own body, it was John’s, and it was always destroyed in ways he allowed. he KNEW she self-harmed and he could’ve stopped it but he didn’t because it was useful to him. because her mental state kept her easily under his thumb, even if it was detrimental. even if his manipulation caused her death. and I think it’s a way for her to reclaim what John, ultimately, stole. and I think Mallick comes to her and is like “hey can you give me a tattoo of [insert thing]” + she’s kinda like ??? but agrees and that is when they Really bond. bc they both have such. complex relationships with their Selves and the idea that they are inherently harmful to others. and I think there’s something really. Just Huge for Mandy, about Mallick trusting her to handle his body. because this isn’t one of her girlfriends, who know her and love her. this is Some Dude, who lost his arm to her “mentor” and is still sitting here, watching with fascination as she draws on his ankle.

anyways that was a side tangent shfhdh but yea! I also think Brit would honestly get along well with Lawrence. he’s not nearly as snarky as Gibson but he can be just as no-nonsense as she can. + obvs she’s friendly with everyone but Lawrence + Gibson are the two guys she’s closest to. i think she gradually warms up to Eric as Mallick does, bc I think she sees how he intimidates Mallick at first (not intentionally! he’s just kinda. Like That naturally lol. Scary Vibes)

[angeltrapz]

ok saw asks!!! bcuz i have Amanda on th brain rn i wd like ur take on her interacting w Lawrence? personally idk how much she knew of his involvement bc she implies in 3 tht Lynn was entirely John's choice, but i also think th idea of her Knowing + deliberately not telling Hoffman is extremely funny. Hoffman cant come 2 th weekly disciple meeting bcuz hes got Cop Business so he misses Lawrence's introduction + Amanda is just like "sure John of course ill tell Mark that we got a new friend :)" and just never does. LOVE that thought

dhgsdkj thank u!!

it Is extremely funny 2 think that she just. knows but refuses to tell Hoffman + THAT'S why Hoffman doesn't know who Lawrence is until he jabs him w the needle + takes off the pig mask lmao omg. just like "oh yeah of course I'll tell Mark we have a new teammate don't worry abt it!" and she Never Does dkjkdsg??

okay but 2 Seriously answer yr question. when I think abt it I always think that like. it wld b pretty hard fr John 2 keep them frm each other given how integral Lawrence's participation is in every game from SAW II onward? 'cause like we know Amanda helps w the kidnapping process + placing them in their traps, which one CLD argue would only mean she wld see them after Lawrence would do his thing but. I feel like she'd be vaguely aware? bc she wld also then have 2 know that he survived his game, given that she helped set it up - we know that she'd AT LEAST know his name.

to elaborate on th idea that only HOFFMAN doesn't know (both bc it's fucking hilarious + actually how I view things happening jdkhfksd), I feel like Amanda + Lawrence's interactions wld be rather limited. in canon, Lawrence becomes a disciple after John "rehabilitates" him or whtever he wants 2 call it, but I feel he'd have to be aware of Amanda, too - both that she is also a disciple + SHE'S th one who helped get him in the bathroom in th first place. as grateful as Lawrence seems to feel toward John + as much as he believes in John's "work," I feel like that wld be smth he'd have to work thru: working side by side w someone who had a direct hand in basically destroying yr life as u knew it. n I feel like Amanda wld know that, n as such she'd want to keep her distance bc she can't predict how this man will act/what he will do, even if he is technically on her side. so like. things wld def be tense btwn them until Lawrence has had some time 2 process his new life + what tht means for him, and until the two of them can have some sort of talk/acknowledgement of that.

though I will say that their roles kind of imply they'd at least see a good bit of each other. Amanda scouts, in a way, helps subdue & bring ppl in, which wld then be brought to Lawrence fr any medical procedures they feel r needed (such as sewing th key behind Michael's eye in II) so it'd definitely be like a "hey did u bring some1?" sort of thing. Mark is muscle of course so like I know he def helped on tht end (I believe Amanda is th one who caught Lawrence in the parking garage but like it wld be SO much funnier if Hoffman was the one crawling around) but IDK if he rly Saw Lawrence bc. Cop Business. so he'd just kinda b like "here u go" n bring ppl to Amanda n then peace out 'cause he's gotta keep tht reputation of Respected Detective. we know he also might've messed w traps themselves as well (like The Rack in III), which wld definitely keep him separate from Lawrence bc Lawrence had No Involvement in designing/setting up traps. tht was strictly a John/Hoffman/Amanda endeavour.

as fr how they'd feel abt each other? it's really dependent on how u view thm as characters. Lawrence, after he becomes a disciple, believes that what John is doing is truly helpful and truly has the capability to change lives; he devotes himself 2 it, shows countless times tht he has complete faith in John + his methods, so much so that John left a tape fr him telling him to look after Jill + to act on his behalf if smth were to happen to her. he calls Lawrence his greatest asset. his trust in John + the Jigsaw legacy is unwavering.

Amanda, however, has been shown several times to act directly against John's beliefs, such as constructing inescapable traps (Kerry) or rigging others' games (Adam). th breakdown she has in III I think showcases the disconnect between her love fr John as a mentor/father figure, and the realization that not only is John entirely hypocritical and doesn't stay true to his own beliefs half th time, he truly has shown no regard fr her safety + has only been using her to further the agenda that was built upon a fragile foundation 2 begin with. u've mentioned this b4 too but John always liked 2 say that if u can anticipate the human mind, then nothing is up 2 chance - which wld mean that he KNEW Xavier might throw Amanda into the Needle Pit to get out of it. he KNEW Daniel was just a fucking kid and was perfectly fine w putting him in very real danger to get back at some1 he felt like needling fr the express purpose of provocation and nothing else. he KNEW Laura, a woman she'd formed a bond w and pretty much swore to protect th minute she woke up and saw her crying in the corner, could begin to seize n choke on her own vomit and die in that house. he knew all of those things, ENCOURAGED the belief that smth was wrong w her because she wasn't "fixed" as he had claimed, and it's so unfortunate that she doesn't realize that sooner (I fully agree that she deserved to lose her shit completely on John. it's what he deserved! it's what SHE deserved!!!) but she still Does before she dies (which, again, I Don't think should've happened. she didn't deserve 2 go out like tht + she deserved so much more of her story being told).

so there's the conflict of beliefs between thm. I think Amanda definitely starts out like Lawrence does, completely devoted + believing every word John says, but thru II we can see that certainty begin to falter n her faith in John is completely shaken by the end. I don't think Lawrence wld Know she felt tht way until after she died, if he ever finds out at all, bc I doubt that's smth she'd want to express. it's not even smth she discusses w John himself until III, in which she's already made up her mind to shoot Lynn as a final act of misguided disobedience. I still think tht Lawrence wld feel fr her in some way, though, bc even b4 he became a disciple he was rather horrified when Sing + Tapp had him sit thru her testimony; his feelings would change on this a lil, bc he'd see it as her rebirth (as she once did too), but I still feel like he'd want 2 like. watch over her a little. not super directly, + not because he felt threatened by her presence or anything like that, but because they're in this together n I'm sure John's told him abt some of the circumstances regarding how she came to be a disciple after her game as well. I feel like he wld definitely be saddened by her passing, bc I feel he'd come 2 respect her at least a bit, but fr him it's like. they have 2 keep moving. John is gone now too, smth I'm sure was probably a pretty huge blow fr Lawrence, and now he has to put his energy into making sure Hoffman stays unaware of him. just in case he has to act on that warning John gave him abt Jill. but he wld still miss Amanda n wld mourn her, to be sure.

I don't think they'd be close or anything like tht. kind of just friendly coworkers who only see each other every once in a while, passing thru the doors of each other's lives with a nod and a wave and maybe a greeting if they're feeling up 2 it. they're not too involved. Amanda can't tell u tht Lawrence's favourite flowers are sunflowers. Lawrence can't tell u tht Amanda's favourite smell is lavender or tht her favourite colour is a deep, almost greyish purple. but they're connected thru John, thru their work, n that still means smth to both of them, at least in some manner. when Amanda dies, Lawrence grieves. Jill pays for her headstone n Lawrence makes sure to bring fresh flowers every once in a while, but he has to hold his head up n keep walking. now tht John's gone, there's work to be done.

and someone's gotta keep an eye on Hoffman.

[kernsing]

oH this conversation poppin up on my dash now??? saddle up because I have OPINIONS my friends. and I’m very rambly. reading over this I’m not sure if it’s super organized, but u kno what. take it. it’s so long. I apologize.

(disclaimer: agree or disagree, it doesn’t matter. which is the main point of this post anyway)

Everytime people have an argument over whether the Jedi are good/bad/forbid love/don’t forbid love in this fandom I just want to throw my hands into the air because EVERYONE IS RIGHT. You can finagle the dumpsterfire of Star Wars canon into literally anything. You can finagle the canon of anything into literally anything. (And anyway—there is nothing wrong with doing away with whatever canon is entirely, ignoring the source material is Totally Fine, so much of fandom is about transformative fiction, be free. I am digressing.)

First of all, canon itself as a concept is used very vaguely sometimes. There’s canon meaning ‘source material’ and then there’s canon meaning ‘this is what the author said this meant’ and then there’s ‘this is what the author meant but eh it looks a bit funky when you frame it from this perspective’ whether ‘this perspective’ is a villainized character’s or a sorta official movie poster’s or some tie in novel’s or some famous credentialed literary commentator’s or your own. What there isn’t is canon meaning ‘the One Real True™ interpretation of what a story means’ because canon as ‘what does this story mean’ (as opposed to canon as simply ‘fact level what happened what did this character say,’ which is often tied together with the ‘what does it mean’ part) is an inherently subjective thing.

Now for Star Wars. Canon* is super vague about the Jedi Order and you can justify anything about them. Space cult? Canon. Beacon of goodness and hope? Canon. Somewhere in between? Canon.

* Here meaning just movies. But like. Star Wars canon otherwise is. Super messy on the Jedi. With the films and the Word of God and extra material and whatnot. My take on that: Lucas is pretty explicitly pro-Jedi as mentioned above (so. I guess I’d have to disagree with OP on ‘the movies are supposed to cast the Jedi in a bad light’ bc I read ‘this fictional thing is supposed to do this’ as a matter of author intention and author intention is pro-Jedi, but whether the movies actually do cast the Jedi in a bad light is up to personal interpretation is what I’m saying); there’s That Movie Poster which has already been posted in this thread which is unambiguous in its phrasing about love; there’s the novels which are a Hot Mess bc so many different authors and all their stuff on the Jedi; sometimes I hear about Baby Ludi which sounds pretty damning on the Jedi but I have no honest idea where that comes from except… some old Internet page???; there’s the ‘Jedi code’ (you know, the ‘there is no emotion…’ thing OR the ‘emotion yet peace’ thing) that shows up randomly in extra material; then there’s the movies themselves which give such mixed signals especially AOTC what are you trying to do really; god SW canon is such a mess can we accept that already. Look at all those different interpretations of the Jedi. Look at ‘em and remember the movies came first and in some way inspired all of them.

There are just so many. Simple facts that canon leaves up to interpretation, which can all influence your view of the Jedi immensely. e.g.: is Tatooine part of the Republic (remember: omitting Word Of God)? How much can the Jedi learn about and interact with their home cultures? How much can Jedi know about their original families? Are the Jedi Corps a thing, can the Jedi ever be kicked out of the Order for something less than a crime? How much jurisdiction does the Senate have over the Jedi? How much of the Jedi’s stuff (Temple, etc.) is public property, how much are they funded publicly? How much does Force sensitivity affect a being’s development and need for attachment (used here referring to infant attachment theory)? Can the Order take a youngling without the parents’ permission? What is the Jedi’s take on the Dark Side, are Sith unredeemable because of Force Theology stuff dictating Once You Fall Forever You Are Tainted And Bad scrupulosity type shit, or is it because once you start mass murdering people you are forever accountable for your actions? (And. I had to cut out some part of this post where I said this because it’s getting so long but: both answers are good stories because ‘good story’ is such a subjective thing.) (edit: posted that stuff here.)

And. There will be arguments and counterarguments and counterarguments because. Everything is justifiable. e.g. How some Jedi dress is very in line with their homeworld cultures, doesn’t that mean that the Jedi do not forbid learning about their home cultures? You could say: maybe that’s just a very superficial thing they allow, and there is no real substantial learning. Tatooine does not accept Republic currency, how could it be part of the Republic? Say: the Republic literally does not care it’s overrun by Hutts bc political apathy and the Republic sucks, and I have to say that’s a fair reading of the Republic. And then there's Anakin's line in AOTC about how compassion is central to the life of the Jedi, and how compassion = unconditional love; it's super easy to read that as 'of course the Jedi don't forbid love, Anakin says that right there, if the Jedi explicitly forbade love he would not say that' (which is how I currently parse it as). But you could also say: this is Anakin and Padmé in a private moment, Anakin says something like "according to me..." and this could be cery unorthodox, the Jedi might not explicitly forbid love but still frown on that line of thinking, or perhaps what the Jedi call 'unconditional love' is unrecognizable as what we call love (which is a thought I see on another reply in this post). On the flip side, Anakin not being able to marry Padmé is such a major plot point of AOTC, of course the Jedi forbid romantic love/marriage. Say: they specify how it’s between a Jedi and a Senator, perhaps only Jedi-politician marriages are forbidden because conflict of interest. (Certainly an interesting pro-Jedi viewpoint to explore, but I don’t hold it in my headcanon canon.)

Honestly, how canon is it that Jedi have literally No Contact At All with original families? Maybe I am forgetting a line in the movies that says No, Not Even Minimal Contact, or is it all because Anakin doesn’t know anything about his mom during AOTC, because then: everything is justifiable, what if that’s only an Anakin thing because his mom is enslaved on a non-Republic world, thereby complicating the prospect of contact?

Even then: there are counterarguments to everything. Some people are saying that there is no justifiable reason why Jedi would cut ties with their original families; recently I read some very interesting meta about how being associated with the Jedi could place their original families in a lot of danger from the wrong people so. Everything is justifiable because canon is So Vague.

And because of that, because the questions of what Jedi attitudes and practices are re original families, emotions, close affective relationships, even marriage can be answered in so many varied ways and still be movie canon compliant, of course people are going to have wildly different readings on what canon is re what Jedi think of attachment and love.

Anyway. Everyone is right. Thanks for listening.

look, the Jedi code that forbids love doesn’t just forbid possessive love or selfish love. It forbids love, period. It’s an important plot point, and while it casts the Jedi in a pretty bad light, it’s actually supposed to do that. Non-film media that tried to retconn that love is allowed and non-attachment is actually just healthy boundaries misses the point in order to produce a less-nuanced story where the Jedi order is unambiguously heroic.