#like. some of this might not have as MUCH weight bc u dont know a ton abt shalvas (my fault bc whenever i start thinking abt him i blow up

[volfoss]

⚱️<- for volfoss character ask 👍

YIPPEE ok i KNOW the girl u will like so so much <3

tossing veycer there for scale and also because hes important to their fucked up sibling dynamic. but i think sheala would make u go insane analyzing.

sheala has a LOT of depth and theres a lot of politics involved (one day i think i will have to make a heres volfoss' politics in a silly slideshow or something bc there is so much.) so i will do my best to explain why i think you would like her :)

first off. she is very good at hiding her tragedy and well um. theres not a better example of this than on the ikuaipe route (shes part of the ikuaipe army, which is like one of the 3 major countries in volfoss). to simplify it as much as i can, there is a war going on bc asdenia (one of the other big 3 countries) refuses to export rare metals to ikuaipe, who use them to make drugs. there is no reason explained for WHY they stopped this but thats all u really need to know about the war bc its complicated and they get into a lot of stuff w the drugs (specifically on like. how withdrawal is handled and how restricting supply from people isn't immediately going to fix their issues etc, its handled very well) in detail in game but. sheala's older brother is veycer who is the head of the army (he fucking sucks. i hope he dies soooo bad but he is also written with depth and like. kind of even tho he DOES some over the top evil stuff [like well. the incident im about to get into lol], he still is given enough character that he's fleshed out properly. all of the "villains" are but thats besides the point.) plays a very big part in well. why sheala would make you go make so many character studies on her.

anyways dear god. politics explained and hatred for veycer being put in there in advance. sheala goes on a mission (where shes a commander, so has a decent amount of responsibility there, and more specifically is leading the rear of the troops, veycer is leading the front) and gets ambushed pretty bad. to the point that when shalvas (who you would also love. but it would take me like 3x as long to get into his diseases. i promise youd love him tho, hes the silly protagonist) arrives, theres just one soldier left of her unit bc the rest of them were killed, and that soldier dies shortly after. sheala is facing one of the four heroes (who basically are some of the strongest characters in the world, and are sworn to remain neutral (they are not by the point of the war, so one of them is fighting on the side of asdenia. its a lot of politics im so sorry) and a BIG amount of very tough enemies on her own when shalvas arrives. shes dealing with a ton of guilt about the entire team she was leading dying (which honestly like. she couldnt do much about bc of how strong the guy thats part of the 4 heroes is) and is completely determined to stay, even if it costs her her life. she's someone thats very loyal and very stubborn and this is not so great for her. thankfully, shalvas is able to persuade her by basically saying hey. if you died it would cause more trouble for veycer than if you lived. thats the ONLY way she would go back despite being in pretty bad shape and being completely willing to let her life go there.

on the way back, shalvas clearly is having the very awkward moment of ok. she is clearly upset and i do not know how to make it better (he is like. very very blatantly written as autism to me, so he communicates in a way thats very awkward a lot of the time, or just is silent. which is honestly very cool of him), so after Sheala apologizes for everything to him, he tells her that she can always fight the hero again (because yk. she didnt die lol) and then IMMEDIATELY denies it when she asks if hes comforting him. their dynamic is really nice because its just like two weird as fuck guys trying to be friends.

which um. well you see. veycer sucks so bad. and he is incredibly mad at how badly sheala fucked up with letting her troop get killed (guy that loves to get so mad soooo much of the time for no good reason other than its fun for him). and hes having a little moment of its fun to do drastic punishment and despite another army officer (who youll def see a lot if you play, his name is auveon. hes friends w sheala) begging him to not do it, he orders sheala's execution. (and when i tell you i felt like i was going to puke reading this for the first time, i do mean it. this is the 2nd route ive done, so id already seen a lot of her and liked her a lot, and ofc the more ive interacted w her in this (and the last route) ive cared a lot more about her. so it was like oh ok. we are suffering). veycer basically is just like well um. she fucked up BAD and she cant get any leniency for that. yeah even if she IS my sister, people would see me as a weak commander if i gave her a lesser punishment so um lol. all of the soldiers are pleading with him to not do it and auveon asks if sheala wants to plead her case and um. well she says "I will follow Your Excellency’s orders. I am prepared to give up this life at any time if I am told to die." like. what is your DEAL.

she is fine eventually tho, just got demoted and veycer had the fucking nerve to be like omg i loveee my family thank you shalvas for protecting her. which is then like ok. did she know he wasnt really going to do it. or is he just lying to shalvas for fun. its insane to me they have such a fucking weird dynamic bc sheala worries about veycer a lot and then veycer is like um. ok i kill you with rocks and hammers. but i promise i love you.

ANYWAYS. some of the other things i really like about sheala. she has a quick temper and will NOT hesitate to call someone out on BS (this gets her in trouble a lot but shes very capable. when i fought her in the first route it was the worst fight of the game bc she is THAT strong) but she is also very kind as a person. she and turi-marrya (shes a water maiden but is also genuinely so fucking cool and i could go insane over her. easily.) in both routes ive played, despite being on opposing sides are very kind to each other and very polite (both of them having a lot of respect for the other, given some events in the game.) i think just like the way that she is facing a lot of tragedy (mainly due to VEYCER.) and yet is still brave enough to keep going but also does have a lot of moments where the grief does hit her and she is clearly struggling to deal with it. i think youd love her.

[amsgrey]

I judt found this draft/idea thing in my drafts from over two years ago (written before Little Sister Hugs) and i genuinely cracked up so much rereading it bc it would be really funny.

would anyone be interested in this?

Jay and hailey are busy with a case involving drug trafficking with military dudes or smth

you and will go out for dinner bc you get like n A+ in science or some shit and Will is all proud older brother

you get a call from Jay that the case is ramping up so he wont be home tonight and then ur like lit ill stay at wills i just gotta grab some stuff

you and will walk in and the house is like a mess and your like uh wtf

and will is like ok let me call jay or the cops or whatever

before he can he gets like smacked from behind like all those stupid movies

ur like o shit what the actual fuck

these big old dudes are in all black and holding like riffles bc intimidating and ur like :o

and ur standing in the kitchen so you do that really funny grab for the closest weapon and its like a pan that was waiting to dry or something entirely useless

theyre like yeah ok sure put it down u dimwit

u like stand over will being like feck off my brothers a cop

theyre like ha lol yeah we know we tryna find him where he at

ur like ha what i dont know? wouldn't have a clue

and theyre like ok then u come with us and ur like uh no sir

omg what if they chloroformed them that would be the funniest trope ever

jay is like workin the case being all undercover n shit and then he gets a call and its wills phone and hes like oh what did y/n do

will is like silent

jay is like yo whats up u alg

OR WHAT IF ITS LIKE WHAT THEY DID TO SAY WHERE THEY JUST SEND LIKE A SUPER FUCKING ANGSTY SHIT QUALITY VIDEO OF THEM LIKE BEATING WILL WHICH IS SUPER FUCKING NOT FUNNY BUT IS FUNNY TO IMAGINE THE UNO REVERSE FOR JAY

Jay immediately looses his mind and tries calling u like wheres will tf

obvi u dont answer and hes like this aint right

the team go to jays house and its all like torn apart but nothign like bad?

they call in the lab and the labs were like oh hey there's blood but they cleaned it? or smth

jay is spiralling and then they get anoter video of u? idk something else angsty

theyre like release our dude and give us back all the idk like guns and shit and voight is like ok well no way they let us do that

jay almost going cowboy cop

everyones like well this is great

you are like locked up by zipties bc criminals are stupid and you manage to like breakfree like a real mvp

u like find a gun or smth bc thats fun and free will

your all like well theres enough warehouses n creepy buildings in chicago for u to be anywhere so tf where we at

wills all leave me bc thats a funny trope and ur like shut the fuck up u dumbass

some military dude comes round the corner with his gun and sees u tryna walk with dead weight will and hes like? what are-

you shoot him bc badass bitch

he like fall down is all bloody and ur like o shit i just killed a man

will is like ya we gotta go ok like this shit serious fam

you walk around a corner and they all be sitting around in the big room and u and will are like oh hi guys

they all like point guns and ur like ah man we dead

but then!! intellegence is all out ur guns on the ground now! police things!

one of them like aims his gun but someone shoots his gUN bc i think thats the badassest thing ever and then he like has a bleeding hand and grabs u and knife to the throat thing bc trope central over here

no one has a clean shot so they all like omg dude let her go

do u get like seriously hurt? lowkey imagine like them dying and jay and will being like a mess ok thats way too dark but i like?

you either

die

get seriously maimed like idk loose a limb or smth idk

or ur unharmed and are like omg how am i not even bruised tf is this

depends on the level of angst idk

if anyone wants to ready this lmk i might actually write it

[formula-fun]

my love. today I read your venom au finally (idk why I was putting it off, probs bc I wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible before I go into venom!max brain rot). RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ABSOLUTELY AMAZING FIC!!!!!!! DETHRONED YOUR OWN ABO FIC FROM MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVESSSSSSSSS

in all seriousness tho, I loved it so much, max is so silly there:] he's just a big goopy lad who's obsessed with his human and I have to respect it (me too, mate, me too).

now my love, I have a question that burns me which I'm afraid I have to ask: how upset is max that he can't get his human pregnant? and does he make his indignation with charles' biology known? alternatively: mpreg? 🤲🏻? venom style mpreg? 🤲🏻🤲🏻? for me? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻? lestappen with a lil goop baby that wrecks havoc and who lives in charles' pockets? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻?

thank u for the fic mwah mwah kissing you loving you all that shabam

my LOVE! thank you sm i'm glad you liked it!! <3333 dethroning if i had words is CRAZY my evil little goo fic has come so far hashasahsah no i have so much fun writing them being silly and bullying each other in charles' brain, it's a good time!!

and im gonna write under the cut because i love this question, i have many many many thoughts. this is also gonna show how little regard i have for the source material unfortunately. but im having FUN

so i wrote a snippet a little while ago abt max's reproductive cycle because apparently this au wasnt weird enough, and basically long story short HE can get pregnant and has in the past, but symbiote babies are very vicious and hungry and their first act in life is usually either to eat their parent or be eaten. so max's parenting instincts are pretty nonexistent. they also reproduce asexually, so his mating instincts are similarly nonexistent. sort of. for a while

max is in love with everything about earth though. he loves that so many creatures instinctively care for the young of even other species, he loves that reproduction is a decision between two parties, he loves that humans devote so much of themselves to raising their young. he finds it all kind of sweet, but the weight of it didnt really click until charles found out max could have babies but was disappointed to learn they couldnt raise them and love them like humans do. its like he hadnt really considered that could even be possible for them, but once he learns there might be a way he goes all warm and soft and max is like ??

cause then max realizes all at once, like. he wants to make something with me. he wants to do the things that humans do when they raise their young, he wants to be with me forever and ever, he wants me because his oldest most ancient instinct thinks i would make a good mate and i would take good care of his babies. he wants to have sex because it feels good and he wants it to be me because he loves me, but maybe also he wants it to be me because he wants me to help him make something thats a little bit of both of us?? and welcome 2 earth alien blob max w a breeding kink

and i dont know, i would like to say they find a way around the problem eventually. maybe there's some way it works out? maybe it's some sort of nature vs nurture situation where max's babies end up being super chill because they were raised in a loving environment, or maybe symbiotes arent driven by a base urge to consume, it's just a product of their hive mind which has been silent since the civil war started. maybe any babies max has end up taking on a lot of charles' characteristics simply because charles was hosting him when they were created. it's possible they find a way around it and get a lil goo ball to call their own. maybe max almost does eat it until he feels how anguished charles is abt it, and then he looks down and registers that their baby is the same soft pink as charles' palms and eyelids and the tips of his ears, and all at once he just can't do it

but yeah definitely a lot of room here for exploration and discovery to say the least dfjskfjsdf

[anachronistic-falsehood]

WHISKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need ur thoughts & notes on visual appearances for all of the greats!!! what do they all look like out of costume & what r their costumes & vibes like & everything................ wgat would u want to see in art of them etc......... for no particular reason........... kicks clip studio paint under my desk.........

HIIIII HIHIHHIHIIII <3 omgg ok. alright. ok this is gonna get long i am SO SORRY in advance my ass is gonna RAMBLE

STRIDER!!! i have a very clear image in my head of him ok. short king. like 5'2. dark skin, lots of scars from various incidents, keeps his hair in cornrows bc he does not want it to be loose and long bc during his trigger event it was grabbed and pulled a lot while he was getting beat up!!! briefly debated cutting it all off but he did just start growing it out after being made to keep it short in foster homes and he doesn't wanna reset that progress ANYWAY after joining the greats he usually still wears hoodies and jeans, but now he's finally got a little bit of Spending Money so he wears some techwear stuff sometimes, and he might throw on some simple jewelry like thin chain necklaces and the occasional ring or two. no piercings tho, does not want things people could yank out of his skin!!!! the simple jewelry does make him feel like he actually stands out a lil bit more. also V IMPORTANT he finally gets some fucking mobility aids after joining the greats!! he wears a knee brace on his right leg sometimes and he also has one of those sword canes!!! it's got a poignard dagger hidden in it!!! his hero costume is like. fantasy rogue shit. black cloak with a hood, scarf over his lower face, and he wears combat boots EVERYWHERE no he doesn't care if they dont go with his outfit GRAYSON, they're good fucking boots and they're COMFORTABLE dammit!!! may occasionally wear platforms. he likes 2 feel tall

grayson!!! honestly i feel like i'm doing him so dirty w the image of him in my head bc he's a tiefling in canon but here he's just a basic fucking white guy. basic as shit kind of nerdy looking white guy. there's practically nothing to work with in canon for grayson all we know if that he's described as stoic so i'm taking that as hes autistic as hell and doesn't know how to fucking Talk to people. nerdy ass white boy obsessed with medieval shit!!! he's got curly brown hair and has glasses and wears like button ups and shit like that. his costume is a full suit of armor with dragon motifs and he fights with a two sided polearm!!! i have decided tho i would like him 2 have some vaguely inhuman traits??? idk how traits like that work in worm yet tho, like idk if it's a cauldron case 53 specific thing??? i don't think it is but PLS correct me if im wrong!!! i just want him 2 have tiny horns or maybe other small tiefling traits like a tail or something if that is in any way possible without him being a case 53. just as a Nod to what he is in canon bc if i just make him a white boy with no inhuman traits whatsoever i would be like That's Not Grayson who tf is this cracker!!!

RAM MY BELOVED. ok. this guy is straight up jesse mccree. idc that mccree's name has changed i haven't been invested in overwatch in a while but anyway ram just straight up looks like jesse mccree 2 me im SORRY!! like. he is not Muscular like mccree is, he was def skinnier in college and then after joining the greats he put on some weight that he def needed. he's latino, he's from texas, he's got that mccree haircut and scruffy facial hair, he wears cowboy boots and jeans and plaid shirts and OFC a cowboy hat!!! sometimes wears sunglasses when his extreme perception is Too Much for him. he's got a couple tattoos prbably, just random shit he got in college that he thought would look cool, like skulls or knives or some shit. his hero costume is kind of like in canon where he wears a poncho and cowboy hat and all that western shit, but he also wears a bandanna over his lower face. basically when he first joined the greats he was a skinny mexican/texan college kid with Trauma and Depression and a really bad vyncent sol style soul patch and then he got better and turned into a bear <3

min ily!!! she's a halfling in canon and i cannot imagine her as anything but Short As Fuck. like under 5 ft. like 4'6 or somewhere in that range. LITERALLY so fucking tiny!!!! squish her like a bug!!!! i always imagined her in canon with sailor moon ass purple pigtails so i think she's got purple hair. maybe she's the reason virion dyed his idk idk!!!! out of costume she dresses like she shops at claire's tbh. mabel pines but grown up. silly shaped earrings and pants with rhinestones on them and silly graphic tshirts and comfy cardigans!! girl WHAT are you even wearing!!! in costume she is SO different though. she has been underestimated bc of her appearance so she wants to make sure people know she is Not To Be Fucked With. i am so bad at cape costume design so idk exactly what it would look like but im picturing like. black bodysuit with bright blue spiky armor that looks like ice over the vitals, the arms and legs of the bodysuit are cut off to leave them bare because she's transforming her limbs into water and ice in battle more often than not, and her head is wreathed in ice to cover her face and hair. she WILL change her legs into tall ass ice spikes and walk around towering over everyone with her featureless spiky ice head. horrifying thing to see coming at u!!! like slenderman but elsa flavoured

GOD im sorry this is so long. jesus. anyway chungus!!! im changing his name btw his name is gus and chungus was just a shitty mean nickname he was given in school. i CANNOT take his ass seriously with a name like chungus so im changing it. anyway!! u thought ram was a bear??? well chungus is like. a fucking BEAR. ram is like a cub and gus is a Real Bear. Large Hairy Man!!! genuinely fucking huge. tall as hell too. u know hafthor bjornsson?? that fucking guy but fatter and hairier probably. he's like over 6ft. has long hair that he keeps pulled back. sometimes he lets min or virion braid it <3 doesn't rly care about fashion!!! lots of athletic wear!!! in costume he wears a lot of dnd barabarian type shit. always shirtless. wears small pieces of armor like shoulder guards and stuff just for aesthetic reasons but doesn't fucking listen to grayson when grayson's like PLEASE wear some proper armor to protect your vitals shoulder guards aren't gonna do shit!! put on a shirt at least!!! and u know those art pieces of ctechnoblade with the pig skull over his face??? gus wears a skull as his mask!! not sure what kind of skull yet. idk. boar maybe so he's got tusks. sick as hell

points at alphonz. white boy. whitest of white boys you have ever seen. before his trigger event he was like. blond prettyboy. good little catholic boy <3 button ups and khakis and nice shoes. and then he went thru The Horrors!! he let his hair grow out after joining the greats but he doesn't really like. maintain it well. min often brushes it for him bc shes the only one who can get close to him in his super bright super heated breaker state. that's not even important 2 his appearance but its important 2 me that you know that. ANYWAY he puts on some muscle after joining the greats and doing physical training with gus!! also doesn't really care about what he wears anymore so it's a lot of like. wearing whatever someone else has left lying around. strider's graphic tees and gus' huge sweaters and grayson's button ups. likes wrapping himself up in ram's poncho and sleeping on the couch. would wear min's cardigans if they weren't too small to fit him but he does wear her jewelry sometimes. he doesn't really. have much of his own. and doesn't really want to get things of his own because it could all be wiped away in a second if another endbringer attacks. yk. GOD IM SORRY IM RAMBLING JESUS his costume is full paladin armor. elaborate as shit with like a cloak and stuff. grayson had a lot of fun making it for him it was like an art project <3 in his breaker state his entire body looks like it's made of light. glowing like a christmas tree!! and ofc yk he's got wings made of light in his breaker state. that simurgh shit stuck w him!!!

ANYWAY. yeah. tbh they all share clothes a lot. gus can't rly borrow anyone else's clothes bc he's the biggest and this saddens him but to rectify this sometimes the others will purposely buy very oversized stuff to wear as pyjamas so he can steal it and wear it. min can and will steal everyone's shit because she's the smallest. she's got a hoard of sweaters and shirts in her room and she only gives them back when she wants to steal something else. they're family your honour

[adhderall]

I HATE PCOS ""CARE"" I HATE HOW PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IT. ITS ALL ABOUT ~FERTILITY~ AND "OMG UR HAIRY THATS A PROBLEM BC IT MAKES U UGLY"

I DONT CARE ABOUT FERTILITY OR HAIR OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT

I want solutions for my lethargy and inability to lose weight and etc.

I don't mind the virilization stuff (allegedly doesn't happen to most w pcos so I guess I may be some sort of exception bc not only did I grow facial hair but I also barely developed breasts/hips and passed as an androgynous male in my teens even with long hair and jewelry) at all tbh

in fact I liked that part, the only part I liked about pcos ngl 😭 so when my doctor tried to put me on spironolactone I was like FUCK no and god she was so insistent like "uwu u need to regulate ur hormones it'll fix u" I get it but also no.

I took birth control with estradiol and even tho It was a low dose I HATED IT I think it unironically made any dysphoria i had 5x worse so like I KNEW spiro would just make me want to kill myself.

and also I don't want to be fertile FUCK no. nothing close to it. I would genuinely rather burn to death and feel all of the pain than get pregnant and give birth. so all the focus being on that makes me so fucking uncomfortable.

I know ~most women care~ especially since they're attracted to males but the fact that people assume that I must care is soooooo.............

"you might want to have baybeez in the future!!1" can we consider it lesbophobic to tell lesbians this. like seriously. if I happen to want to take care of kids in the future or some shit, I'll adopt. I'm not some egotistical shit who cares sooo much about spreading my (shitty) genes. really.

but yeah I fucking hate it here. being a weird strange female fucking sucks

[mediocre-noodle]

if you want some Family terms, lemme know— especially official definitions. theres only like 3-4 but i wrote them down and it gives context.

THE FAMILY/THE SYZYGY/THE EYES

normally are “born” when the higher ups notice them and their existence while they were alive. when those noticed have died, they are Chosen and Ascend.

5 head gods. 1 admin god, 4 mods if that makes sense. the head god is titled Apogee, nickname of aji (ahgee or ă-jē). altogether called The Syzygy.

- dallas is a mod after promotions bc hard work and knowledge and such. also nepotism /j (aji really likes dallas)

- (btw theyre all like. several thousand years old. minimum.

They normally Choose people who have been through A LOT of struggles but have stayed,,, relatively good people. like even if —— neutral on moral alignment, its fine.

basically They adopt the traumatized kids (even if they arent kids)

powers:

as immortal and omnipresent/omniscient beings, they can basically do anything. (you have to learn these once you Ascend though. its not just *snap* and you know everything immediately. its a practice thing. also like how humans work and absorb info as we grow. it may take years— maybe even decades to master it.)

- shapeshifting

- tend to try and fit in with the main species

- teleportation

- looks like black swan (hsr) except taht its gold and not wind(anemo) colored

- innate magic ability

- spells, potions, etc. allows for greater realm of magic

- wings

- MULTIVERSE TRAVELING

- but world interaction is uncommon. most like to just watch and guide from the higher dimensions. (dallas is just special)

- many members of the Family are multilingual. in fact, the only ones who dont know multiple languages are usually the newly Ascended. (“new” being lenient. time is weird for immortal beings.)

- blood turns gold when you Ascend and tastes acidic— lemony (dopamine machine by ferry inspo)

- send Eyeless to a prison/jail— BASICALLY HELL.

- can be incited by saying “may We See what becomes of you.” or something similar that has the same weight— judgement and justice being served bc you were an asshole

- (genshin ‘we will be reunited’ cutscene) dainsleif cutscene w him choking out the abyss lector? yeah. to set the spell up, you extend your arm like that and the magic aUrA or dUsT has to envelop them (specifically their arms to immobilize them. perhaps neck if need be.) and THEN the saying

- ONLY HIGH POSITIONS CAN DO THIS (The Syzygy and then those trusted by them to clean the trash of the multiverse)

- when the body dies, it fades like in genshin (without the weird falling thing) but theyre still there. it can materialize again if they want or not. if they exhausted themself too much , itll take a bit longer. most of the time, it takes maybe a min (because many normally die during fights so they have to get back to help faster)

- after one’s respawn, people will notice something… off about the body though. did they always have that scar? why are their eyes so bright?? why is their skin slightly glowing? the light around their head oddly looks like a halo if you focus.. huh. (other times, one might come back in full ascended form, all wings and covered in Eyes, fuckin cryptid bitch. scares the crap outta people who don’t expect the unexpected.)

RAHHHHHHHHHH how do u world build like that?????????????? so well???????????????????????????? im jealous????????

[watsername]

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

[jakowskis]

im SO pissed i didnt listen to believe for a fucking year bc i heard bad things about it. im never listening to anyone else's opinions again cuz THAT WAS BRILLIANT. THAT WAS EVERYTHING I WANT OUT OF TORCHWOOD i mean it was still a bit shit highkey but it was EXACTLY what i want out of this garbage show. sooo fucking season one core (aka my fav) all sorts of dark horrific connotations and unhealthy dynamics but no emotional weight or responsibility xD once again i cannot tell if the writer was even fucking AWARE of a lot of the things he was implying but what i interpreted as being implied is making me fucking tear up the floorboards im. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

that was so cynical and bitter and awful and miserable and edgy and shitty ITS EVERYTHING I WANTED. i love torchwood being goofy i do but what draws me into the show and the reason it's become one of my most, uh, aggressive hyperfixations ever (which is ridic btw) is cuz its FUCKED UP AND UNHAPPY and that? was fuuuuucked. obsessed.

cult leader jack cult leader jack cult leader jack U DONT UNDERSTAND IT MAKES ME RABID and they ran with it i. stick figure violence stick figure violence. feeling rabid. AND HIS FUCKING SPEECH AT THE END. DOES HE KNOW??? hes so fucking deluded I LOVE IT. ITS FASCINATING he thinks hes good.... he thinks hes good... hes aware n he feels responsible and yet he doesnt SEE he doesnt see he thinks hes doing his best. NOOO it had the be intentional literally "jack tell us what that was about" "later lol" "sure yeah always later" and then hes like "YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY" GRRR JACK. JACK. also faith n believing.... ianto's trust. ianto's trust. you believe me like a god FUCK MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEE

jack always being five steps ahead + being 10x more competent than the team always makes me fucking roll my eyes but at this point i just kind of perceive it as the way tw constantly paints him as a deity figure. he can do no wrong

GWENS CYNICISM. TORCHWOOD BREAKING HER. TORCHWOOD BREAKING HER!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK it's toxic... it's toxic... this job gets inside you THIS JOB GETS INSIDE YOUUU. torchwood thesis statement: this job fucking breaks you.

FINALLY some good fucking tosh x owen food. DONT GET ME WRONG THAT WAS FUCKING AWFUL but that was sooooooo much more compelling than the fucking bullshit that canon gave us. owen being a toxic abusive fucking manchild + doing smth bad enough to tosh that she FINALLY went "wow THATS the man im obsessing over" like g-d i would've killedddd for that to happen in the show i HATE that she wasted herself on him. i hate it. her disgust and anger at him was so THERAPEUTIC for me 😭 idk what it says about me that the way i was grinning when they were arguing n bitching at each other was probs the closest ive ever gotten to actually shipping them HFKJDSF theres smth wrong w me. i just think s2 tosh is too fucking sweet and good and probably naive and i think owen could so easily fuck her up, like i don't think there's a world where he wouldn't hurt her tbh, and i don't want that to happen i adore her too much. like i don't think he's irredeemable, i ship him w other characters who i think could handle him, but i don't think tosh could, and that was validation of that opinion, you know? i'd be more willing to ship them if tosh was firm with him and didn't let him walk all over her, and it sucks that she didn't do that and got herself hurt and THATS what it took to make her call him tf out and tell him how much he sucks. ig a lot of why towen bugs me sm boils down to the fact that im not comfortable shipping someone who's kind of awful with someone who idealizes them and doesn't seem to grasp the scale of how bad they are. that's a recipe for an unhealthy dynamic and if i didn't like tosh i might be intrigued by it ngl HFSKDF but thats my babygirl and the idea of putting her thru Being With Him disgusts me. she deserves better until he gets his fucking shit together. which he never does and she never gets to have something good bc she was waiting for his shitty ass lmao YAYY!!

owen was AWFUL in that btw. and i adored him in it. my fav owen is an owen who's spiraling and destructively fixated on something for selfish purposes to the point that he doesnt care who he hurts to accomplish it. he's so villain coded fhsdkfjdsk he redeems himself in the show and i love that but the audios further explore the fact that he's got such a darkness to him he SO EASILY can be pushed into destroying everything. hes constantly on the precipice of monstrosity and cruelty bc of his own hurt. it's like hes so full of rot it leaks out of him and infects others and he hates it but he cant help it. i will never get over the doctor with poison fingers oh he makes my heart ache. he's just so misguided. he's so broken.

which brings us back to jack's speech. (him talking to the cult leader lady) "They were broken, and you were the person they turned to for help. If you don’t accept their problems, then don’t offer yourself as a solution." literally im gonna think about this for months. HE DOESNT SEE!!!!!!!!!

g-d and ianto's orientation or whatever. that was Fantastic ianto insight. he's so much more interesting when he's away from jack it's almost impressive.

i am just. gdddddddddddddddddddddddd. i am so distraught. help meeee

[youremyheaven]

I’m not Indian but the thing you said about body shaming from parents really hits. I do come from an immigrant background though and I feel like a lot of our cultures have normalised this behaviour.

But even my dad who is not an immigrant (yk those older white men who marry significantly younger women from 2nd/3rd world countries? An elder passport bro if you will lmao), once made a comment in a highly derogatory tone about my ass being too big. It wasn’t really sexual but more so a comment on my weight gain at the time, but bro I was 12 and I still think about it😭

People talk about body positivity a lot but growing up chubby/with curves is deeply traumatic and it makes me sad to think about how many of us experienced this

that was so wrong of your padre 😭😭

i s2g i feel like all non-white parents are more or less like this, and i guess even some white parents. its such a shame bc i remember being 13-14 and i felt hideous like nobody would even want to look at me and my mom would slut shame me and im like ??? babe im ugly and fat,, no part of me is "sexy" or "desirable" ALSO IM 13??? but she would talk like i was seducing every man in the city lmfao

I S2G the trauma of my early teens fcked me up ngl. its so heartbreaking to just transition from girlhood to adolescence and coming to terms with your burgeoning womanhood. like that's such a complicated experience to make peace with??? until yesterday i was a child but now i am still a child but people dont look at me like that, weird men on the streets catcall you, say disgusting things when you're within earshot, your mom thinks you're a whore even tho u literally do not know what exactly sex involves, strangers are sending u dick pics and porn gifs, now u have to worry about other people's intentions bc they might be trying to "take advantage" of you when a few months ago, they saw u as an innocent child. if someone gropes you, you hate yourself, you feel disgusting and dirty and no one tells you its not your fault. you feel afraid of people, of how they look at you, of what they might do to you, you dont want to be seen, you dont want to be touched. if you tell someone you were assaulted, sometimes they tell you its because you were careless or that you were asking for it or worse that you secretly enjoyed it. you cant eat or you eat too much, food becomes a source of shame. you want to feel like you have value, like you have power so you try to "own" your sexuality. fine if everyone thinks im a whore anyway i might as well "own" it except that it literally doesn't help. you feel worse. you dont know who you are because your whole identity revolves around how others perceive u and not what u have to offer as a human being. u think talent is worthless if u arent pretty. i could go on and on

literally female adolescence is a hellscape and every girl should get a medal for surviving it.

im sorry for my long (probably triggering) ramble but i just had to let it out lmao

im sorry that we've had to go thru this. praying for all girls and future women<333

[chicspo]

hiii <3 just quickly wanted to say that i’ve been following u since 2021 and just love your vibe and mindset!!!! i wanted to vent and ask for advice

so, i have this bsf and we’ve been friends for little over a year. at the beginning it was going well, she was really funny and easy going (obv she was showing her ‘ideal her’ idk if that makes sense) but as time went on she became kind of obsessive, always buying me gifts (i hate when people who are not THAT close to me giving me gifts) and getting jealous (she says it jokingly) when im talking to my other friends and im her only friend, so that may be kinda understandable. at first obvi i thought she might like me but she always speaks really negatively about lesbians, so i crossed that off.

and here is the problem she kinda asserted herself as the more powerful in our friendship, she always needs to be right, always corrects me (in a condescending way) and always making rude remarks about the fact that im emotional, she’s the type of person who can’t sympathize and makes fun of people for their weight or money background (which i hate). she’s not a bad person but i hate the fact that she thinks she is better than everyone else because she reads a lot and her ego is the size of a mountain.

and my dilemma is that idk if i should drop her. like i feel bad bc she doesn’t have other friends and i know she’s gonna talk a bunch of shit about me the way she talks about her previous bsf (things that won’t be true).

so just wanted your advice bc i admire the way ur minds works <3

u should try to talk about this with her. tell her how u feel about the way in which she speaks may it be condescending or rude. try to see if she can at all understand where ur coming from and if she can have a serious conversation about it in order to change for the better. and about her being possessive or jealous of ur other friends thats just the way some people are. some people like having many friends and some like having a partner in crime. as long as she doesn't start problems from this then just try to understand her point of view and appreciate how much she likes ur company. however if she responds negatively or dismissively to u bringing up the way she acts like she's superior/shes rude, then ur not forced to continue to endure someone like that. if it only makes u upset and she refuses to change ur free to leave. u dont have to drop her i always say this but just stop being with her so much. if she asks u tell her that u tried solving the issue u have with her and she never listened to u

[misspickman]

What are your thoughts about Tim’s queer journey in relation to having a very conservative father (Jack)?

I have a lot of scattered thoughts about this but mainly it boils down to two things, lots of internalized homophobia and a longer period of accepting it. U know, considering how good tim is at repressing whatever he doesnt want to think about, i think it would take more for him to come to terms with it and a lot of that would come from the knowledge that jack would not have supported him, which would definitely weight on him, plus all hes internalized listening to jacks views on sexuality and masculinity

Bc yeah jack loved his son and i dont think hed be someone to kick him out or hit him or anything but i do think tim wouldve spent years hearing jacks throwaway homophobic comments and that sticks! That shit stays with you. Dana also had some pretty conservative beliefs and imo theres a big chance theyd just casually say things they wouldnt think much of bc people like that see homophobia as a very matter of fact thing, would not even consider tim might not be straight bc theyre so far removed from Those People and thinking of queerness as something normal, and even though tim didnt known he was queer at that point it is something hed internalize

+ considering jack is dead he cant even disprove that, like hey ok his dad said some shit but would he still love him? Would he change his mind bc its about his son? Would tim even have come out to him or would it have been just another part of himself he has to lie about? (I do think if jack was still alive he would be shitty about it but again in a very like. Passive aggressive way. And i think hed possibly mellow out about it eventually but boy)

I think theres a good period there where tim is aware he might be queer but pushes that thought away (not enough time, work to do, etc etc) bc noo he cant be like that obviously its fine, he has friends who are gay thats cool! but not him no way. Theres a great deal of shame and denial in there. And eventually when he can admit to himself hes into men he still has all that internalized shit to work through, so yea, i think itd be a long process, one he would probably deal with on his own bc if hes learned anything from jack about this its that its something to be ashamed of

[everythingsinred]

Hi hii!! I hope you're having a nice day 💜💜

Ok I'm gonna be really mean with the 50 questions ask-

Whichever ones you want, with Ruka, Natsume, or Mikan

(i find it mean bc i am tragically indecisive)

i am doing great!

(i think that u sent this again, adding mikan... so i'll answer this one instead of the other one, if that's okay)

ur ask is so tempting so i will do as many as i can for all three, thank u <3

Ruka-pyon <3

1. Canon I outright reject? he would NEVER leave natsume not EVER. i know tsubasa had to basically drag him out of there but i hate that he left i HATE it

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? i don't think he would ever date mikan after natsume's hypothetical death. i don't think either of them would be able to.

3. Obscure headcanon? his favorite disney movie is fox and the hound.

4. Favorite line? "Meeting you, and coming with you here to the Academy... I never even once regretted it." (chapter 146)

5. Best personality trait? his loyalty. he's very sweet and i love that, but his loyalty is what moves mountains, what fights wars, what transcends the rules of time and space.

6. Worst personality trait? i must have mentioned this at some point but he's perfect. but really i think he shouldn't feel like such a burden when he brings so much to the table.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? i don't need a headcanon when i have character profiles! 140 cm/4'6 and 35 kg/77 lbs at his debut, 173 cm/5'8 and 66 kg/145 lbs in the last chapter. also i believe he's the youngest of the main four? he turns 11 in march, after natsume, mikan, and hotaru have all had their 11th birthdays.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i've already said i only like his relationship with mikan platonically, so i'll say something else.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? "bird meets tori!" where we see him using his alice with piyo. though it's been so long since i first met him that i really can't remember ever NOT loving him.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? my favorite ruka moment is when he's waiting for natsume in the backseat of the car to go to the academy with him. makes me cry every single time.

12. Crack headcanon? i like thinking of him growing little flowers on his windowsill in his dorm and that he very much likes baking... again "crack" i use loosely.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? this...?? maybe? i dont think he does many dumb things...

14. Most heroic moment? i just think there's so much strength in ruka's actions in the new year's arc, even if he feels like such a burden the whole time. though i also think this one is very brave.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? very tough to say because he's a well-meaning child! i don't like to be negative abt the kids. that being said, this might be natsume AND ruka's worst moment lol. ruka was complicit in that.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? zoe and i do have a ruka playlist, but it's private right now because it's unpolished. that being said, here are some songs from the playlist.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? his self-esteem issues, namely his feelings of being a burden and his apparent social anxiety that stems from a lonely, isolated childhood.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? lemonade!

22. Best physical feature? his pretty blue eyes! he's so beautiful!

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? YOU ASKED THE RIGHT PERSON. i imagine he would be a lovely, simple floral scent, as well as something a little sweet and refined.

24. Most annoying habit? he's done nothing annoying??? tho for real i think people might get annoyed by his natsume-apologism (especially in story lol)

27. Their guilty pleasure? i think he'd probably like musicals but get very embarrassed abt it. tho i might just be projecting winston bishop on him based off his one musical performance as snow white that he obviously didnt even want to do.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? VERY aesthetic, sweet, with lots of photography, poetry quotes, and pictures of animals.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? when he finally lets himself poke fun at natsume and mikan! they make him laugh a lot, when he puts his walls down <3

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? when he thinks too hard about his family, because of how much he misses them.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with his friends and snuggling with an animal... i think he'd be content with simple pleasures.

36. Their favorite season? i associate him with spring! with flowers and baby animals and gentle weather. i think he'd like it too, for lots of the same reasons.

37. What they really think about themselves? he thinks of himself as a burden, obstacle, impediment, that he holds the one person he loves most back when all he wants is to help. as a result, he withdraws and hides himself away bc he doesn't think he's capable of contributing much anyway.

38. Favorite holiday? maybe easter? i'm not familiar with japanese holidays so i cant say for sure but the easter aesthetic suits him.

39. Favorite game? card games!!!

40. Favorite book? i have a predominantly western understanding of literature because i have a degree in english literature, so forgive me. i think he'd like romantic poets, like whitman, wordsworth, byron, and dickinson. he'd like romanticism for it's emphasis on the natural world and on emotion and justice. i think he'd like classic children's books too, like peter pan or alice in wonderland.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? he'd wanna eat lunch with his parents because he misses them <3

42. 3 comfort items? i had a long and nice answer for this but tumblr ate it (which pisses me off so much u have no idea) so i dont remember what i'd said. the earbud transmitters hotaru left him, but i cant remember the other two. ill reblog again if i remember.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i think ruka would like bread and pastries, lots of desserts. i dont have much of an inkling what he wouldn't like except that i believe he's a vegetarian so he wouldn't eat meat. i just dont understand how he could have such connection and empathy for animals, genuinely love them as friends, and have the animal pheromone alice on top of that, and eat them. i dont think he'd judge anybody for eating meat, but he wouldn't be able to himself.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting natsume <3

46. The person they most admire? natsume, mikan, and his mom. people whose strength he admires and maybe covets.

47. Their dream job? he wants to be a vet!!!!

48. Scariest moment of their life? poor ruka has gone through a lot of scary moments but i think he's managed to be brave each time anyway, which is very admirable. i keep saying natsume for all his answers, but i think natsume's death would be the scariest moment because he genuinely couldn't do anything to stop it. i think not only was it the moment he lost his best friend, but also a moment that made him feel like he really couldn't be of any help or support to natsume after all, that he really was a burden.

49. Favorite toy as a child? rich boy ruu-chan had a lot of toys and while i'm tempted to think he'd like stuffed animals, at the end of the day i think he'd be way more interested in playing with real animals. i think they made him feel accepted and understood and less alone.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think the memories of the time between natsume dying and coming back would be a bit blurry. he wouldnt have been holding on tight to that period of time, to put it lightly.

Natsume <3

1. Canon I outright reject? I will never accept him dying young. sorry higuchi but i just cant listen to you.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? natsume LOVES chocolate and sweets. why do so many people insist on him hating sweets just because he's "cool" i dont get it???

3. Obscure headcanon? he listens to rap and rap rock. im sorry i just. cant imagine he wouldn't love rap. whatever.

4. Favorite line? i love when one of the kids asks him to tutor him when the whole class is in study mode, saying, "i thought if i went in with a 'do or die' attitude then maybe..." and natsume replies, "then die." (i know it's hard to see but it's at the bottom, where ruka's face is.) ALSO on a more serious note, "can you wait for me?" because it KILLS me.

5. Best personality trait? how sweet he can be!!!! no but seriously natsume acts cool but he's the most hopeless romantic of the bunch and i live by that.

6. Worst personality trait? martyr complex.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? who needs headcanon when we have canon!! natsume is ten (a couple months away from eleven) when he's introduced and the second youngest (only older than ruka) in the main four (the boys being younger than the girls is so cute). he's sixteen at the epilogue and in kageki <3. he's 140 cm/4'6 and 34.5 kg/76 lbs when we meet him, and 175 cm/5'9 and 72 kg/159 lbs at the epilogue.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i think the popular opinion is that natsume is a baby boy who deserves peace and love after a childhood of rage and agony but if you disagree, i'll throw u off a cliff myself.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? im gonna be real with u. he was my fav from the start. i never ever had negative feelings towards him ever from the beginning. is that weird? idk. i dont really care. i saw him with his mask and was determined to watch the whole anime just bc he was in it.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? it's really hard for me to answer this but i think my favorite natsume moment is when he finally rebels against the ESP and persona... something he'd always wanted to do but couldn't, finally given the chance through the knowledge that he'd rather be dead than allow mikan to live through the same suffering that he does.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? getting mikan to play the prince. he's so fucking stupid.

14. Most heroic moment? he wishes it was his death scene! i think his most heroic moment was when he decided to go to the academy for his sister. i pick this scene and not any others bc when natsume risks his life later on, part of it is motivated by suicidal ideation so it's kinda hard for me to think of those moments as anything but.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? same answer as ruka's. yes i say this even knowing that he might have killed people during DA missions. those other ppl arent real to me; mikan is.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? again, zoe and i made a killer playlist for the main 4 ga characters. natsume's is the best though, we both agree. since, again, the playlist is still under construction, here are some tracks from it that suit him. (lots of them are triggering, particularly regarding thoughts of suicide, just as a warning.)

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? everything? trauma, self-image, martyr complex, suicidal ideation, dealing with terminal illness... there's a lot.

19. Vices/bad habits? he has a lot! the worst is his overuse of his alice.

20. Scars? i'm sure he has some. DA missions are not safe and although natsume is canonically immune to his own fire, he's not immune to flying shrapnel and rubble. i like the anime showing us some glimpses into what his missions might look like. we even got to see him get shot, an injury he (presumably) patched up himself instead of going to the hospital for, which is VERY in character. the anime NAILED that episode (chef's kiss, best episode ever, hands down).

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? cherry dr pepper (this is just a ridiculous joke zoe and i made that is now serious. what a sickening beverage)

22. Best physical feature? his eyes! so pretty. i also love his silky hair. he is SO pretty and has sUCH pretty eyelashes. most beautiful boy ever.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? he'd be a lovely scent, very woody and foresty. not floral or sweet.

24. Most annoying habit? martyr complex.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? it's hard to imagine natsume having a tumblr tbh but i think if he did it would be a little anticlimactic. he'd mainly just reblog stupid self-deprecating jokes and edgy music.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? jokes with ruka <3 teasing mikan <3 :)

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? sadly, natsume rarely cries. but he cries when he loses someone, so leaving his father, and i think he must have cried when he woke up after dying just to find out mikan was gone.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? a good day would probably be if he doesn't have to go on a mission. a perfect day would be the two christmases where he got to kiss mikan. i think he went to sleep very happy those nights.

36. Their favorite season? spring <3 though i always associate him with autumn and winter.

37. What they really think about themselves? BAD. not worth the trouble. exists for others. similar nonsense.

38. Favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS

39. Favorite game? playing cards with ruka! also its easy to imagine him being into video games, particularly violent ones.

40. Favorite book? i think he'd prefer manga to books but if he were to read books i think he'd like fucked up shit. maybe horror like stephen king or something.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? his mom

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i base this off of official art (thus, canon), but pasta, chocolate, and strawberries are his favorite foods. i think he wouldnt like coffee (thats why he always drinks it in my fics lmao....) and i like imagining him as being a childishly picky eater. i dont really have any evidence for his dislikes. just vibes.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting ruka and both christmases <3

46. The person they most admire? i think he would admire his mother and yuka a lot. obviously, he also admires ruka and mikan, for being unlike him.

47. Their dream job? he simply does not dream of labor. it's really hard for me to come up with a job he'd love bc of how he's been forced to work as an actual child. he likes manga... maybe something involved with that?

48. Scariest moment of their life? when aoi burned down the village, though i do think he's had lots of scary moments after that too. i just think that was probably the moment he realized how powerless he really was, how much he was at the mercy of others simply bc he was a child.

49. Favorite toy as a child? i think he'd probably be a big fan of matchbox cars? or maybe im saying that bc i liked matchbox cars. (and also cuz theyre called matchbox cars). he seems to like basketball too!

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? natsume is a big ball of trauma so i wouldnt be surprised if there was plenty. i think he's kind of forced to compartmentalize a lot, since his experiences in the DA class are so gruesome and different from his school life, so he'd be forced to pretend like he didn't just go on a terrifying mission last night, which leads to unprocessed trauma and maybe even blurred memories.

Mikan <3

1. Canon I outright reject? if higuchi tachibana doubting that "natsume won" is canon, then i reject it. mikan MADE A CHOICE. in your manga, higuchi!!!! she even says, "these feelings i have only for you", which means the only person she loves romantically is natsume. higuchi YOU WROTE THIS.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? ^^^ that one. also she's not a masochist.

3. Obscure headcanon? even though natsume can have a potentially atrocious taste in fashion, i think mikan would find his fits cute nonetheless, maybe just bc it's him!

4. Favorite line? I love when she tells natsume to join her team before the sports fest. she NEVER asks for anything from natsume or tells him how she feels but she takes a risk this once and it's wonderful until he rejects her and she takes a long while to recover from that moment where she finally put herself out there only to get turned down.

5. Best personality trait? perseverance, in regards to difficult times and difficult people.

6. Worst personality trait? toxic positivity

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? we have canon!! she is (unbeknownst to her) eleven years old when she first comes to the academy and is turning seventeen when we see her again in the last chapters. she's 138 cm/4'6 and 33 kg/73 lbs at her debut and 158 cm/5'2 and 47 kg/104 lbs at the last chapters.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? it's okay that she's stupid! i dislike when mikan is made so much smarter, or when they significantly alter her personality, in fics. i think she's pretty great the way she is!

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? HARD TO SAY. regrettably i wasn't always a huge fan of mikan, especially in the anime, bc i thought she was annoying. but i think when i matured just a little, it was hard to keep it up. i think i fully loved her on the second rewatch/reread. i couldnt tell u the specific scene bc it was too long ago.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? i reread just this little moment so often. i'm not saying it's a healthy moment, hiding her feelings until she's alone, but it's so her and it's so heart-crushing and tragic. i love it.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? she's frequently stupid, but i really enjoy this moment, just bc of how naive she is, both to natsume's situation and to her own feelings. (mikan, girl, you're in love with him.)

14. Most heroic moment? is there anything more heroic than this?

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? mikan rarely does things out of ill-will. i could say one of her well-intentioned blunders, but that feels cheap. i'll say this, then, when mikan tells natsume that him worrying about her is a bother. i'll talk about it during my essay, but mikan says that, against her urges to keep him with her, because she remembers the pain of him choosing luna over her and she, in that moment, reacts in a kneejerk way to make him hurt a little too. it's the only moment i can think of where she hurts somebody without at least meaning well. (and YES i know that this is right after luna told her to keep their encounter a secret, but mikan chooses to be cold to natsume in a way that she isnt towards hotaru or her other friends for asking similar questions.)

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves? mikan never admits anything to herself! that she loves natsume sticks out the most though.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? AGAIN, zoe and i made playlists for the main 4 but they're unsuitable for consumption right now, so here are some mikan flavored tracks!

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? her little useless complex as well as her toxic positivity and all the trauma she had to endure in a very short time frame.

19. Vices/bad habits? "keep smiling, mikan, no matter what!"

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? orange juice and orange soda

22. Best physical feature? her smile, allegedly! i love the way her eyes are drawn (my answer for everyone is eyes bc i LOVE the way higuchi draws eyes...). i, like natsume, also LOVE when her hair is down.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? she'd be like her name, and have a fruity, floral scent! very sweet!

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? i think it would be super cute with lots of bright, fun colors, desserts, and positivity quotes.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? she smiles a lot. i like her genuine smiles, when she hears something she likes or spends quality time with people she loves.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? mikan is sensitive! thus she cries a lot! she cries when people around her are hurt, she cries when she doesn't get what she wants, or when things get hard. i think it's sweet.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with her class b pals with some light antics and shenanigans, or hanging out with her senpais in the special ability class would make her happy. later, going on dates with natsume, too. <3

36. Their favorite season? summer, but the lovely thing is how happy and awestruck mikan seems to be by every passing season. she loves them all! it's very sweet, how much love she has for life.

37. What they really think about themselves? despite her tendency to see the beauty or value in everything, she doesn't see much in herself. she thinks of herself as ordinary, boring, useless. she knows that people love her smile but she thinks that's all she has to offer so she hides her negative feelings away. ;-;

38. Favorite holiday? new year's!!!

39. Favorite game? she loves all games, but especially sports and high-activity games

40. Favorite book? she'd like high-spirited books with wacky characters, like pippi longstocking, anne of green gables, or matilda.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? her parents and jii-chan

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? obviously she loves oranges and she eats lots of oranges in the manga. i like to think she shares hotaru's love for seafood, bc seafood reminds her of hotaru, but hotaru is so insane abt it that mikan seems to have a tame love in comparison. and HOWALON, obviously. i dont think mikan would dislike much food or be a picky eater bc she loves to eat <3

44. Their happiest memory? i think her school memories with her friends, particularly lighthearted moments, would stick out as happiest. the culture fest or the dodgeball game or swimming class.

46. The person they most admire? hotaru, natsume, ruka, etc. she admires lots of people. she has a tendency to see the good parts of people and to focus on them until that's the main thing she sees.

47. Their dream job? i like to see mikan in people-oriented, caring-based roles, like as a nurse or a teacher, where there's emphasis on helping people. i think she'd really thrive in a career like that. i especially like imagining her as a teacher. (her husband can share some pretty decent benefits from such a career afaik)

48. Scariest moment of their life? probably the whole night of the escape arc. no part of that was easy. the entire night was stressful and scary

49. Favorite toy as a child? she makes her own mikan dolls! mikan is awful at homemade things, like cooking or sewing, but she loves it anyway! i think she liked making her own toys and seeing the beauty in her ugly little creations.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think mikan would try and remember the hard moments so that she can get stronger, just based on the way she talks about such moments, like after pengy dies.

[thatbitchsimone]

you do a really bad job of pretending to not have an eating disorder

but do i have one tho? like eating causes me no distress and i enjoy food and i allow myself to eat whatever i want to eat and i dont have any food related anxieties or any bad or obsessive thoughts about food and i love my body and i prefer it to be neither under or overweight and somewhat in shape/fit bc thats when i feel and look my best. i get that it might have sounded worrying or suspicious when i mentioned that i have a tendency/bad habit to forget to eat and that i need to somewhat monitor my calories in order to get enough calories in bc yes that is not good at all but its something im aware of and actively put effort into fixing. idk why its not effortless for me to eat enough every day but i assume part of it is bc of my medication and part of it is that its just out of habit and maybe conveniece idk but i do try my best and hold myself accountable and responsible for hitting that recommended daily intake. is that disordered eating? i guess it might be in some ways bc like why do i have to make a concious effort in order to give my body the fuel it needs when it should just come natural like maybe something is broken there but thats probably where my meds fuck it up a little but i have ways to work around it like yeah i dont eat lunch but i eat extra at night to make up for it and it seems to be working bc my weight is stable and i have some nice muscle tone slowly coming back and thats a good sign that my body is getting what it needs.

like ofc the tendency to undereat is not ideal at all but its not on purpose like its something i do on accident if dont i keep myself in check and when i think of eating disorders i mostly think of anxiety around food, obsessive thoughts about food and ur body, addiction to starving, overwhelming desire to keep losing weight etc etc and i have none of that (thank god) so i dont think u can call me eating disordered. but idk maybe u know something i dont. maybe my relationship with food is fucked up without me realizing it. maybe i think about food too little than what is normal rather than too much and maybe that is an ed of its own. idk

[scarletanpan]

.

tt radiates a cursed energy honestly, I hadn't looked at it since that time a week ago but my mom wanted me to watch something and I go to my room and scroll maybe two vids before. Finding the most specific video aimed fucking directly at me her names daturajonez and she was talking abt how the conversation abt autistic blk women was one of the most nuanced things that ppl dont rlly discuss on tt and. Went into detail abt all the aspects of how autism leads to u being rejected by most ppl and most parts of ur identity no matter what and. Ow ig experienced every single thing she mentioned. almost died but in a good way bc. Never seen someone talk about it in such detail felt so much less insane bc I be complaining

A lot and unfortunately I use tumblr for it like muscle memory so sorry I'm working on it I swear I'm j dumb and my phone hates me but. Well this helped ig it solved an issue in my brain? Is it bad to say hearing another autistic blk girl tell me that I will never conform to society's expectations on most levels and it's a waste of time to do so was the vindication I needed to like. Fr consider that?? I knew this but kept stewing abt the fact that no matter what I tried something went wrong with most ppl in most places all the time. And kind of feel this might be a shared experience w other autistic woc like the specifics might be different but idk I don't wanna speak for anyone but. Its j an experience struggling to meet the expectations of ur society and ur community bc it rlly weighs on you how everyone finds something strange abt u regardless of how hard u try

And ig part of it was that when I did figure out these things I'd try to share w family and they wouldn't. Trust me or believe me or didn't see any value in the intersection between my autism and the way I've acted my whole life. And not tryna call them out or nothing but.. was def made fun of for a long time for not rlly engaging w blk culture the way I was expected and a lot of other things so just. Hearing another person tell me yeah all of that's gonna happen and more has lifted a fucking weight off my shoulders it's almost insane. I'm like hurt but comforted by seeing so many other ppl talk abt going thru the same shit

But also wtf tt. I look at you for two seconds and u dredge up my deepest anguish for no reason. But absolute shoutout to that vid, tt sucks ass but has an unfortunate streak of helping me. Didn't buy a binder until I saw a guy show off his randomly on there and we know how tf that went. and now this.. like i am supposed to hate u. still do but amazing video

Also led to me learning abt anger rumination. Which... hmm is that why I can't shut up abt anything ever. Whoops I got some shit to think abt i get worked up abt so much bc i have too many feelings all the time and never rlly get to express them out loud but this is honestly all rlly good to know, managing that is def my first step towards being more sane

[svnflowermoon]

hi luie (can i call u luie? i think it sounds really romantic and cute but if u dont like it let me know)

u said in ur intro post that ur a lesbian & a certified romantic advice giver, so i thought maybe u could help me out or tell me what u think?

so 3 years ago i really liked this girl (lets call her M) i was best friends with, and we both knew that we both were interested in girls. M eventually told me that she liked me so much and i told her i liked her too. we didnt really do anything about it, bc we didnt know what to do. then the next year we were in different classes and stopped being best friends, i kinda forgot about liking M. then the year after that (last year) we were in the same class again and i started to like M again.

but then i found out (not from her) that right after M told me she really liked me she had asked our mutual friend ‘bmgf?’ and idk what they did as girlfriends but they stopped being girlfriends after a few months (?) . and then i found out M dated this other girl for 4 months… i was really upset and confused about this

so back to the fact i started liking M again. we am were in the same class and were sort of friends but not really. some things happened (when we got hurt bc M tripped over me she kept holding my hands and not letting go and asking me if i was ok, and she waves at me from the bus stop and makes eye contact, and one time i was waving at another friend and M came up to me and held my hand for a few seconds and then let go)

so now i dont like M so much anymore but i am so confused and i dont really know what to do… what do you think? what do you think i should do?

anyways im so sorry that it’s so long and if its too complicated u dont have to answer it but thanks anyways for reading

(im from nz too btw!)

from anon 🫀

hi angel!! (sorry in advance this is such a long answer you probably expected like three sentences 😭)

yes ofc you can that's so cute i love that so much everyone should call me that <3

ahhh yes i am indeed both of those and no one has asked for romantic advice in a while so yayyy this is exciting!!

OHHHH WOW OKAY i know the feeling babe i've been in a similar situation especially with the drifting apart part

that's so weird omg, like the fact that you both said you liked each other and then she went off and dated other people?? (i hope i'm interpreting this right ahsjzhsjkhd)

ok the holding hands and stuff lowkey sounds like flirting (especially the part where you're with another friend like in my experience that kind of thing tends to have some kind of meaning behind it) where like she's too awkward to do anything more?? maybe she's trying to figure out if you still like her or if you've gotten over her??

i honestly don't really know what you should do but i can tell you what i'd do in that situation.

(generally i wouldn't recommend this bc it can be unhealthy but in this scenario your whole friendship seems very on and off so it might actually be beneficial) you said you don't like her so much anymore, and when that happens to me i always just take a (metaphorical) step back. like i don't push them away or anything but i just kind of distance myself from them. see how M reacts if you put a bit of distance between the two of you, by doing that you can kind of figure out how she feels about you??

if it doesn't help/give you any indication of how she feels about you then it will definitely give you some clarification on how you feel about her. idk but it sounds from what you're saying that you're not entirely sure how you feel about her rn. having some space between you tends to be more difficult if there's strong romantic feelings. i've found that there's been a few crushes where i put some space between us and was SO releived it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders?? like it was hard bc we were close friends but she was like super bad for me and i had felt myself getting more negative about life in general whenever i was around her??? that's a special case though like we just genuinely weren't compatible and if we'd dated like she'd wanted us to we would have absolutely gone up in flames lmaooo

but anywayyy i feel like im rambling

so like I'd just try put some space between the two of you bc that can clarify a lot of things for you.

if you realise from her reaction that she is interested in you + you are interested in her, then go for it!! at that point it's up to you to decide how to go on but i would probably say make the first move bc even though she seems fine to confess she might not be confident to actually start anything?? which would be why nothing came of it in the first place but idk?

if you get the feeling that she doesn't really care that you're distancing yourself, then you can probably assume that she's not interested in you anymore.

if this is the case, then the best move is to try to get over her.

i have no advice for getting over people because i have never gotten over anything in my life but if you decide that getting over her is for the best then i wish you the best!!

and if you realise that your feelings for her aren't as strong as you thought, then that speaks for itself.

anyway if you've made it this far i hope this massive answer had one or two sensible bits of advice amongst my rambling and feel free to ask more questions ml <33 also hi to another nz mutual (?) idk if we're mutuals but yeah ily <33

[apoombeam]

i hope people havent given you a hard time bc of james/anders pairing..i get it can look...controversial, but its still your writing and story! u give us free werewolf content thank you mather. personally i love the pairing, and want to believe its reciprocal, but i do feel what if anders is just a prisoner& has given up and settled for james bc i dont see a positive persective from him/change of hearts or maybe its in the text and im missing it.. OR maybe its actually intended this way and im wishful thinking 😵‍💫 he did say james’ name in bed, but only because he wanted him to be gentle with gen so is he always just „playing“ james like a furry instrument? never expected to get so invested in this story but happy to be here 🫠🫡

Oh, I don’t think anyone’s giving me a hard time! I actually really enjoy hearing different takes on their relationship. And I want readers to interpret however they interpret it from the text! That’s why I try my best not to talk too much about my own intentions, interpretations regarding Anders/James… though I might slip sometimes. So that’s what I meant in the previous ask when I said it was difficult.

I’m very much a “the author is dead” kind of person :) So I personally don’t think my interpretations of the text carry any more weight than anyone else’s. I believe the story has to stand for itself.

However, at the same time, I feel like I have to be aware that to a lot of readers, as the author, my opinions are going to carry more weight and get in the way of how they might experience the story otherwise – and I really don’t want that!

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE talking about my characters and my writing! There are just some questions I’m not going to be able to provide satisfying answers for (Namely a lot of James/Anders questions). And I feel bad whenever that happens – but that’s completely my own doing.

I feel blessed that anyone cares about any of my characters at all, so I’m definitely not complaining about questions! Lol my heart explodes every time I get any question about my story – even when it’s one I know I won’t be able to answer very well.  

I can’t really confirm or deny any of your takes on Anders and James… but maybe more will be revealed through the story?

Thank you for reading!!