#like. lmao IF i need this surgery by the time i actually get it done and then by the time i’ve healed enough to skate…..

[danielnelsen]

update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore

now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week

[areyouwho-ithinkyouare]

it does break my heart a little bit when i think about how i absolutely would have stuck with/pursued ice skating (at least as a hobby) if my feet hadn’t been so fucked up that i’d realistically have needed custom skates that my family could never ever have afforded. especially when i was a kid and learning and growing so those skates would have needed replacing way more regularly. like. yeah i skated in generic boots yeah it was FINE but the structural state of my feet meant that doing much more than waltz jumps was always gonna be too unsafe & unreliable. so i kinda just faded out of the rink bcus it was like. well. shit i’m never really gonna progress at this thing that i love. and now i’m in my mid 20s and maybe (???) gonna need SURGERY to fix the exact same fucking foot issues that have continued to plague me ever since. and i’m just. thinking a lot about all the ways this has impacted me and my life. and i think that losing skating was maybe the one i’m saddest about.

[pangur-and-grim]

okay one last saw rant, this one contains GROSS BLOODY STUFF so its under a readmore

I dont think mr jig saw has a good understanding of modern medicine. bc in the new film he's like "in front of you is a rusty spoon.......scoop your own brain into a jar, it'll dissolve the enzymes and lower the key.........but don't worry you'll be totally fine I promise, you don't actually need your full brain, there is historical precedence. it'll just rewire, you'll be totally fine, please don't worry"

BUT MR SAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! those cases you speak of! are of people getting brain surgery in a sterilized environment, this guy is self-scooping with something he got off the floor!!! and he's also going from top to bottom like he's hollowing out a pumpkin, like that's definitely not good for him!!! he won't be okay afterward!!!

but also the movie does sorta present mr. saw as being correct in that having your brain scooped out with a rusty spoon is actually fine and not a medical problem, because the guy doesn't really experience any badness while he's scooping, like he's totally fine and normal.

AND THEN!!! AND THEN!!!! he doesn't even melonball out enough brain to fill the jar before the timer gets off, so this elaborate aztec mask with heating strips on the inside closes around his face, and he gets face-cooked to death. which is also like........that's such a complex custom thing to build in a short period of time!! because he made all these traps in 2-3 weeks, canonically. like I don't care if you're a civil engineer, mr. saw, how did you do the metalworking for all this stuff so fast. I don't believe you could have made that aztec-sauna-death-mask, I am sorry.

AND ALSO ALSO the guy put so much of his brain into the jar, he should have gotten the key???? it seems like a very flawed jar. and then mr. saw is like "well, guess he didn't want to live hard enough lmao", like NO!!!! FUCK OFF!!!!! he literally filled the jar and dissolved the enzymes!! god.

sorry I just don't think mr. saw should have done all that. like maybe it was wrong.

[learnastrowallura]

💚The 6th House in Astrology💚

The source if this information is The Astrology Podcast (Chris Brennan) on Youtube and from the book The Twelve Houses: Exploring the Houses of the Horoscope by Howard Sasportas and I will add a personal example as well

6th house: healthcare, medical field, service, jobs, work, employment, subordinates, staff, coworkers, superiors, skills, pets, animals, duty, order, structure, boundaries, limits, routines, plans, tasks, stability, mundane, practicality, necessity, schedules, maintenance, adjustment, health, illness, injuries, surgeries, weaknesses, visible physical issues, bad fortune, cadent, Mars

6th house ruler can show us which type of physical illness we could potentially deal with if we have a negative 6th house; particularly during transits activating 6th house placements as well as 6th house profection years (a negative Mars in 6th house could indicate accidents for example)

How we deal with matters of physical health; are we the type to be cautious or are we reckless with it, are we organized or hectic in the mental aspect (mental health matters are actually ruled by the 12th house but here I mean if we are able to plan well or not) as well as in relation to our routines, our relationship with or how we treat people who work under us/subordinates (the 6th house in ancient times used to describe slave matters as well), our demeanor when working under someone as well, coworker relations, our attitude pertaining to helping people and receiving help, our skillset, how we approach general everyday tasks such as cleaning, work tasks, whether pets are important to us or not, etc

Personal example: Aries in 6th house+ North Node in 6th house

Yeah so as with recreational activities and creative endeavors (Aries 5th house) I pretty much go with the flow every single day and do whatever I want regardless of the consequences 😅😭 I was never really able to stick to a routine or anything it seemed unnecessary and too much of hassle to be honest. And honestly this got me thinking... since I have Aries in my 6th house, would I not be more initiative in these matters? Since Mars rules my 6th house yk? But taking into account the fact that my Mars in in my 12th house, and that my South Node (comfort zone, what I need to move away from in this lifetime) is ALSO in my 12th house, it is perfectly logical; I take action in my head lmao and in the tangible material world I'm like nahh this is boring. The results are always more exciting than the work that has to be done to get there, aren't they!! Anyway lately I have been tackling this by not really having a set routine BUT having a set of daily tasks that I MUST do and that will benefit me in the long term, whether in matters related to physical health, business, spending time with family (babies <3), or even working through limiting beliefs that prevent efficiency and trusting my own capabilities

As for my skillset my initiative in the workplace or in uni (again when I really have to lol) really proves to be an asset, I am also always ready and able to ask for and receive help so there's that, checklists are my enemy I really prefer being spontaneous and compromising if I am working with someone, if I were someone's boss I'd be pretty chill imo, if I were working under someone I'd do my job swiftly; probably before they even finished telling me what to do, and yeah you get the idea

This wassss pretty fucking chaotic but I've had a long day so 😭 sorryyyy

Comment down below your 6th house sign, planets and aspects

Thank you for reading <3

Paid readings available

Masterlist

x

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! I need some advice on how to deal with something in my story. CW for mentions of violence. This takes place in a medieval high fantasy setting in a rural village, and it's going to be a comic.

I have a character who was injured during a sword fight. She developed PTSD from this (along with another unrelated, separate incident which isn't relevent here).

CW for brief mentions of violence, description of panic attacks.

I'm gonna try and condense this so it's not 20 paragraphs of nonsense:

She actually copes with her PTSD relatively well, and is only triggered in specific situations which are not common occurences.

She lives in a rural village with one healer who has advised her on healthy coping mechanisms, but does not have the time/experience to act as a therapist.

At one point in the story, she starts becoming closer to another character she needs to work with, and they spar with each other.

He swings a sword near her face, which triggers a PTSD flashback. (Her face was previously wounded in a sword fight). He does not know she has PTSD or would be triggered by this, it's a complete accident. All he knew is that she had a scar on her face from something.

There are other characters in the story with facial scars from things like slipping and falling or cleft lip repair surgeries so he just assumes hers is from something like that.

After realizing that something's wrong he immediately stops sparring with her. He doesn't have PTSD but he does have severe anxiety and panic attacks and he recognizes that she's freaking out.

I have anxiety so I know what a panic attack is like, but I don't have PTSD so I'm not sure what a flashback is like.

When I have a panic attack, I get severe tunnel vision and my ears ring to the point everything sounds muffled. I also sometimes shake/shiver violently and feel like I'm going to faint if I don't sit down immediately.

Questions:

Would the flashback look/feel similar to that?

How fast would she be able to recover or realize that she's not in any danger?

Would she be able to communicate to her friend what's happening and what he can do to help?

Would asking him to just sit with her and hold her be okay/make sense? She also has autism and she likes to be squished and hugged tightly, it makes her feel secure and safe.

I can recover from panic attacks pretty quickly and then maybe feel only a little bit off for the rest of the day, but I don't know if she would be able to do the same after a flashback.

Also, there's one last thing I'm debating on whether or not I want to happen:

The character is fighter and it's a HUGE danger for her to be having a flashback in the middle of a battle. She (or someone else) could die if she's unable to fight.

Since the village healer can't help much, would it make sense for her to sort of DIY exposure therapy?

Obviously in real life this would be risky, but the character really has no other choice in this scenario and, to be honest, it's entirely in character for her to say "Fuck you, I'm doing this my way."

I'm going to read a couple papers on it to see exactly how it works and what she might do, but my main concern is that it would end up being weird, I guess?

She asks her two friends to help, one of which is the man she was sparring with (and later falls in love with).

Obviously, he's not actually her therapist, but I'm worried people will read it and go "Omg unhealthy relationship! Power imbalance! Therapist is fucking the patient! Evil!" but Idk, maybe I've spent too much time around fandom discourse lmao.

A few more questions:

Do you have any other advice or things I should keep in mind about her PTSD, like (healthy) ways she might cope with it?

With enough time and therapy, will she be able to sort of feel "normal" and have so few symptoms that she no longer meets the diagnostic criteria, or is she just sort of stuck with everything?

Is there anything I've written about her PTSD that is inaccurate or that could be done differently?

I'm so, so sorry that this got so long. Hopefully breaking it up into bullet points helped. Please take all the time you need to respond <3

First of all love the use of bullet points. It was incredibly helpful and I appreciate it! Many of these questions don't have one straight forward easy answer. PTSD varies a lot from person to person and even day to day or moment to moment. There is no one answer to “How fast would she be able to recover or realize that she's not in any danger?” and “Would she be able to communicate to her friend what's happening and what he can do to help?” Recovering could take minutes to days. She might be able to speak fluently or not at all. That’s sort of up to you. 

There are different types of flashbacks and they will feel different to different people. These several links may be useful to you. Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4

So with the exposure therapy, you are right. It would be really risky. I don’t think it’s a matter of "Fuck you, I'm doing this my way." The risk here is that it’s entirely possible that it would make her PTSD worse rather than better. It’s not a fast process either, it takes time. Why can’t there be a therapist near her? 

The character asking him to just sit with her and hold her would be okay and definitely could make sense. 

My answer for “Do you have any other advice or things I should keep in mind about her PTSD, like (healthy) ways she might cope with it?” Honestly just do your research! Learn about how people with PTSD cope and experience the world. There are lots of personal records available on the internet. Maybe even look at the PTSD section of the DSM. 

“With enough time and therapy, will she be able to sort of feel "normal" and have so few symptoms that she no longer meets the diagnostic criteria, or is she just sort of stuck with everything?” The answer is likely something in between the two. It is unlikely she will ever be cured of PTSD. However, given time and help she can find ways to cope and have a happy life. Her happy life might never be able to involve sword fighting, maybe it doesn’t look “normal” but she can live a happy satisfying life without being cured. 

Now on your last point. I have some concerns when you say “The character is a fighter and it's a HUGE danger for her to be having a flashback in the middle of a battle. She (or someone else) could die if she's unable to fight.” First, this is a harmful trope of disability representation in media. It’s not great to treat disability as an active liability/threat. We also don’t need to moralize symptoms. To quote another mod “Flashbacks suck but they happen…having a character with significant PTSD never have flashbacks…is not super realistic especially if…she's retraumatizing herself by being in an environment similar to where the trauma happened”

If she knows she's being triggered by battles why does she keep fighting? I don’t understand why she would take the risk of retraumatizing herself in such a high-stakes situation. Especially because from the sound of things she’s coping well and knows about her symptoms. 

Thank you for your question. I hope this was helpful. 

-Mod Patch

[trigunsbbygirl]

Human Things that Confuse Knives Part 2

Made a second one since I had more ideas lol

content warnings: teeth, use bomb in an analogy, mention bruises. this one gets more into the body/anatomy idk what all people are comfy with so just in case

•Knives already thinks dreams are kinda weird, but those surreal ones and the utterly weird ones that just make no sense or seemed so real you wonder if it actually happened? he wants to know what's going on in your brain. Knives will listen to you as you recount your dream, he won't say much or make any facial reactions, but part of him is kinda amazed that your can brain come up with the weirdest, coolest and/or creepiest things ever.

•the concept of having baby teeth and adult teeth weirds Knives out. when Knives learns that you do lose your teeth as a kid he's staring at you like you've just grown a second head. don't tell him that you have wisdom teeth that usually need to be taken out via surgery as a teenager. (Vash is kinda grossed out by it. found out when a kid he was playing with ran up to him and was like 'look! my tooth fell out!:D' he panicked, thinking they got hurt, but it's replaced with horror, disbelief, slight disgust and concern when he finds out every human looses a set of teeth. he hates it a little. has no idea what to do when a kid tells him that a tooth fell out. help him)

•also. imagine Knives surprise when he learns about the appendix. you had been talking with a friend when you mentioned appendicitis and that you had to have surgery. it peaked his interest and when you're done talking, Knives asks about it. he stares at you in uncertainty and disbelief the further you explain. what do you mean there's a small pouch in your stomach that serves little to no function that can essentially become a bomb? Knives doesn't actually believe you until he looks it up. he wonders how humans have survived with bodies like that.

•same wonder when it comes to you having to take vitamins and other supplements because sometimes a body won't produce enough of something or too much.

•the fact the humans shed/lose hair. Knives knows that, but it kinda grosses him out a bit. he hates seeing your hair strands, makes you clean them up. (I hc that the twins just have little to no body hair and they don't actually lose hair strands.)

•double jointed people also weirds Knives out. what do you mean you can twist or bend a joint further than normal? it doesn't exactly creep or gross him out, but he doesn't like it. he'll never admit that, but he won't look/talk to you for a bit after you show off that flexibility.

•Knives is fascinated by the way your skin can change colors. (don't mention that he can turn a lovely shade of red, he gets all huffy.) but, anyways, he loves examining your face, watching as your face gets darker with certain things he does. (also likes seeing your facial expressions. humans are so expressive..) he also likes seeing your bruises and watching as the bruise changes colors over time as it heals. you joked one day that you could give him a bruise of his own that he can watch. he didn't like the joke (he prefers to give you (consensual) bruises.)

•now let's get into reverse Isekai for a bit.

•Knives does not fucking understand social media lmao. why the hell do you have to tell people you've never met what you did or thought that day and why are so many people interested? why do people do stupid things for views??

•he hates online discourse and always tunes you out when you try to talk about something that happened online. he doesn't care and thinks it's stupid.

•do NOT let him find out about stan culture or chronically online people. he's gonna lose any faith he had in humanity again. I wouldn't worry about that too much though. he has zero online presence, never uses social media outside of YouTube and even then he only uses it to watch documentaries or how to videos.

•memes confuse him a lot, especially how fast they come and go. you don't even know how to explain them to him. "why is this picture of a man just standing so funny?" "it just is? I don't know either." how do you even explain memes and internet culture to someone who's never been on the internet lol

•Knives thinks you're really weird if you've got a skewed sense of humor where something dramatically falling over makes you laugh(thinking of that waffle video.) he watches those types of videos with a straight face and when the video ends he just stares at you, wondering if you seriously think that's funny.

•he hates those youtube poop and deepfried videos. not only does he find them stupid and doesn't understand them, but they just bother his ears.

•bonus: Vash thinks the circadian rythym is pretty neat and that some people just know when to wake up. it took Vash a while to develop one, or at least, something like that since he doesn't technically need sleep. it'll never quite be the same though since he doesn't exactly get tired like humans do. it took decades for that type of tiredness to become present, but even still, he doesn't need it to survive.

[moonshynecybin]

"he hasnt gotten laid properly in since 2015" <- this is soooooo crucial and also so heartbreaking. like not even the sex proper but the intimacy. and also i like to think (maybe delulu) that vale finding this out (by accident/slip of tongue) is what makes him start rethinking the whole situation... bc no matter how vehemently he hates marc he has eyes and can see just how hot he is (our whole scenario hinges on that). marc can get anyone and anything he wants, and yet... if you told vale in 2015 that marc went celibate over their break up he'd laugh his ass off, but a vale ten years older- like that's definitely an extreme reaction and THAT'S not his fault but. it wasn't that bad. no reason to not get a life

marc:

context here and here

i do think marc is genuinely like. a uhaul lesbian in many respects to the people he keeps close in his life lmao. like he chooses your ass and you are there forever!!! a lil possessive methinks! same team from like 17 until the bike was actively trying to kill him and even few years after that. still reaching out to vale years 2015-2018! he's sooo one and done and in this scenario him and valentino have been "casually" (NAWT casual to either of them but they do not talk about it) fucking on and off for a bit (TWO YEARS..) and it truly. does not occur to marc that it might end or that he might get dropped at the curb and have to reckon with a world without valentino in his life (or god forbid as his enemy). marc marquez situationship victim.

so yeah him and vale break up and its awful and terrible and after 2018 he does the marc thing. which is shut that part of him down like gangbusters. truly i dont need to be loved anymore i want to WIN. and unfortunately for marc once he's not winning he is . unrelentingly miserable and in pain and sad and struggling. and he gets surgery and the bike gets better when he goes to gresini and back to honda but it was bad. for a while. and he still isnt getting laid lol

so someone (ON GOD. no idea who. bc you could not waterboard that out of marc lol) lets it slip that marc doesnt really. get laid. ever. and vale (slut, sex-haver) is like lol that cannot be true (HD flashbacks of marc young eager sloppy big eyed in his bed playing against his eyelids). realizations dawning. so he waits until ummmm the end of year gala when they are all niiiiice and tipsy and corners marc and asks him without actually asking him. and marc doesnt confirm it but it is CLEAR. that lil homie gay ass has not in fact slept with anyone before or since.

and then. i think our man valentino gets a little crazy about it. picturing marc. remembering. thinking about how like. lonely and miserable he must have been during his injury and how valentino was the last and only person to get to touch him like that. its a lil problematic but it is crucially sexy. this is also when marc notices vale like. staring at him all the time and the wheels start turning about the weird convo at the gala. so he activates slut mode and vale gets even more insane about it and starts walking into doorways bc marc is doing shirtless stretches in tiny shorts and putting his leg up fully behind his head. so OBVIOUSLY vale's gotta fuck him. as like. a humanitarian effort

[skunkes]

Congrats!! if u dont mind, how was it setting up for the surgery ? (Like scheduling it and exams before it)

ok I was actually very very lucky considering where I live and the usual experiences. it's different in every area! some people cant schedule the surgery until they've had a mandatory month long Thinking it Over period, some cant get it done without specific exams having been done first, etc

first of all after years of looking through this list I finally saw a single doctor listed for my city ! Doctor sterilized someone younger than me and childless, so I broke the news to my dad and made an appointment. This guy is always busy helping deliver every single baby born here so I had to wait a month to see him. (called June 3rd, scheduled for July 11th)

I have never been to a gyn before this. Only once, in highschool, across the border for a one time issue. Some people say to schedule a routine exam then bring the surgery up but I scheduled specifically for "surgery consult" -> "permanent birth control." bc im avoiding the necessary exams like the plague.

On the day of the consult i was sick with worry about the hoops id have to jump or what if he only sterilized that other person bc they had a specific medical issue so No I Can't Get It, but I saw him for less than 10 minutes total, he asked me like 2 questions about being sure, and that was it. I told him I had events at the end of Aug and Sept so he said we could do some time in first 2 weeks of august if I was ready. No gyn exams, nothing 😭 and BECAUSE he's so busy I'd likely be his first surgery of the day bc it takes him so little time (I was and it did!)

I had to make a call to the hospital to see if my insurance would cover the hospital services, while the surgery scheduler called to see if it would cover the doctor's services. On July 22 I was called to schedule my surgery, soonest available was today, August 7th! Was told pre op appointment was the 6th (yesterday) and I was sure that's where he would Get Me. like ok cheye lets do all those humiliating exams now. U can't get the surgery unless you do. but it also lasted 5 mins, he just game me the paperwork needed to register at the hospital, and let me ask him all 20 of my questions. nothing else.

Even at the hospital all I had to do the day before was Pee in Cup and Get Bloodwork Done.

finally a win for cheye... insanely grateful for this to have gone so well and so easily in my city. and grateful to keep evading things necessary for my health LMAO

I HAD QUESTIONS LIKE YOU DID THOUGH! so even though my experience probably isnt helpful, you can find the experiences of many other ppls scheduling, consults, insurance calls, and exams in this subreddit! They have lots of informational flairs/categories and ppl even make posts on things you can ask the doctor to bill the surgery as so that insurance has a better chance of covering all of it! I was OVERprepared for my consult from the info I got from here!!! I read every single experience throughout this entire time for mental prep!!!

[novastarrart]

Banban/Devil Headcanons

Just wanna get my thoughts out there so here goes. It's a lot so, there's your warning lmao

*Note: For simplicity's sake I’ll refer to normal Banban as Uthman and the actual researcher/genome donor as Dr. Uthman*

Banban/Uthman:

All the mascots seem pretty tall so I hc him to be like 6'5"?

His tongue hangs out of his mouth constantly, it was done this way to make him more appealing/cute to kids.

That being said, When he's aware, he can keep his tongue in his mouth, usually to talk. But absentmindedly it just sorta lolls out.

He has a form of body dysphoria, being that he sees himself as a human, even when looking in a mirror.

This is why he hates being called Banban and not by his "true" name Uthman (or Adam if he knows you well enough).

However, he doesn't get too angry if you don't know about all that in the first place. Still, he'll correct you with some annoyance (Like he did with Bittergiggle in part V).

He has some memory problems, due to his own memories mingling with Dr. Uthman’s. Sometimes he’ll forget who another mascot is (Like when he referred to Nabnab as “That thing down there”. Or when Sir Dadadoo first appeared: “Hey is that a friend of yours?”)

The party hats hide his horns, this was partially his choice, and partially the researcher's. They were worried the horns would scare the children, so they decided to hide them with something “fun”. He doesn't mind them though, he wants to look as human as possible.

His voice is very apathetic and monotonous, he doesn't have much control over this, it's just natural at this point. Whether or not his donor, the real Dr. Uthman, spoke like this, I haven't decided on. He definitely has an accent of some sort, which he picked up from Dr. Uthman.

He's actually a lot more emotive than he is in the game! Although he does usually default to that goofy smile

He doesn't really blink! He can close his eyes, and has eyelids, but for some reason he just cannot blink. He does not realize this at all, and it unintentionally  scares others.

Thanks to his donor, he's very intelligent and can actually perform a lot of different surgeries and has a vast knowledge of medicine. He obviously uses this to his advantage to uhh open up victims.

He can consume human food and drinks, but it really doesn’t do anything for him nutritional wise, this is more than likely why he feels consistent pain near his abdomen

Hellish Banban/The Devil:

So comparing the models, bro is taller than regular Banban, so he's probably like 7ft tall

Definitely more muscular and stronger, has better endurance too

VERY FERAL. He relies on pure animalistic instinct in this form, although he is still capable of speech if he needs to speak.

Loses his "human" side and gives in to his more monstrous side. Any human memories are probably just gone at the time.

Speaking of which, If you call him Uthman, he'll probably just laugh and rip you apart. He does answer to Devil/Demon or just Hellish for simplicity's sake.

As said before, this feral side is triggered by adrenaline. Usually triggers when Uthman is about to die or is severely hurt (sorta like a Bruce Banner/Hulk sorta relationship).

His horns grow longer and sharper in this form, as well as his teeth. This is... probably pretty obvious why.

He seems to lose his pupils in this form? Uthman's eyes turn all white when he's turned or about to turn.

And that's an indicator you should start running!

Relies more so on his sense of smell, then his sight to find his prey. I like to think his tongue is like a snake which he uses to pick up scents/vibrations (another reason it hangs out).

He can DEFINITELY smell human's organs/blood/etc.

He can probably also pinpoint if something is medically wrong with their organs too (Diabetic, kidney failure, heart problems, etc.). This would be very useful, however he's not really thinking of helping you right now.

He's a lot tougher and can handle being banged/smashed around (Like that fight with Jumbo Josh). He’s VERY hard to kill.

He'll eat any organ honestly, Pancreases are just his favorite! (Maybe they're sweeter due to them producing insulin? Who knows!)

Still has some intelligence, but this is mostly overridden by adrenaline and instinct to eat and kill others. Overall, he doesn’t think correctly when in this form and will do things that are harmful to himself and others without much thought.

Aaaaand that's about it for now? Let me know what you think if you want!

[webbyghost]

Rewatching that yt video of all of Doug’s scenes and I feel so bad for him

uh really long rambling under the cut lmao dont mind me

In the first scene he’s in, you can tell he just wants to be included, part of the conversation. He’s not sure how to join in, but he’s trying so hard, laughing at Clint’s ‘joke’, reacting to what others are saying, but from afar.

And all Wade has to do is say his name in that warning tone and Doug backs away so quickly without protest. They’ve done this before, multiple times. Doug knows he’s not fitting in, not quite getting it right. He’s trying so hard. Reading books to try to figure out what’s missing, putting himself out there. He says things he thinks other will agree with (I blame rap music), whether or not he actually believes them isn’t clear.

He tells his students about his (probably very stressful) weekend, but not his coworkers, because out of the two groups, only one of them will listen. They may not really get it, but they listen, and he can understand that feeling.

When the shit hits the fan, he’s still so unsure what to do. He puts a hand on Lucy’s side (going for assurance, maybe?) but removes it just as quickly, looking like he regrets it. He yells what he probably thinks is some kind of encouragement at Clint, wrestling with Patriot on the floor. He’s looking to everyone else for some sort of indication on what to do, but everyone’s panicking, so he’s panicking.

This is an unfounded headcanon but I think Doug usually does the whole exaggerated be quiet thing for his students and they think it’s funny, so he’s used to doing it that way and now it’s his default. (That or he has possible auditory hallucinations? Also an excuse to dunk on Rebekkah which is a good enough reason in my book lmao)

He risks his life to study Clint’s infection, and not only does nobody else react, but Wade outright says he doesn’t care. Not a single one of these people care that he puts himself at risk trying to help. And when he finally does return with his hypothesis, their main concern is that he did it all with his bare hands. As if that’s what’s important in the moment.

He’s used to it. That’s the worst part. He’s used to their indifference or dismissal. When he asks them to follow him so he can explain what he’s discovering, and nobody does, he just shrugs like he expected it and continues on with his observations.

I’m kind of surprised they didn’t just leave him there when he gets tackled by the kid, use him as a distraction while they escaped. Maybe they knew they’d need his knowledge, maybe they figured they needed all the hands they could get. Maybe they just acted without thinking, who knows.

And he’s so smart, and able to compartmentalize in a way that none of the others seem to be able to do. Yes, this is a child, a former student, that he’s dissecting (brain surgery with his bare hands???) but it’s necessary to understand what’s happening. He’s not trying to be a creep when he asks Tamra about hitting puberty, he’s gathering relevant data, and I’m willing to bet the more sinister implications of asking a child about her body never even crossed his mind in this situation. He’s a scientist.

And he’s still trying so hard. Trying to prove that he has things worth sharing with the group, trying to help them understand like he does, going into detail so they can get where he’s at. He sounds impatient when his knowledge gets questioned, so he gives context, but the spike incident isn’t relevant here, Rebekkah (dunking x2 combo)

When Lucy attempts to correct him, his response is ‘oh ok this is how i’ve seen people respond to this, anyway moving on’ (So he obviously doesn’t notice when the word switches happen, or at least not all the time)

Just about every time he tries to add onto a conversation he gets something wrong, and you can tell he knows it, but he keeps trying. (I’m not deep-diving into his bucket list comment lmao)  During Wade’s hype speech, he doesn’t mean to take away from the momentum, he just knows Wade was factually incorrect.

Then he makes a fucking CATTLE PROD???? Fuck Tracy’s fork-studded safety cone, clever as it is, my mans made a CATTLE PROD. IN A CAVE. OUT OF SCRAPS. (ok, in a basement, out of batteries. close enough.)

And again with the compartmentalization- they’re not human, they’re no longer his students. They’re in the way between the group and survival. He does what he has to do, with less fear than he had when trying to make small talk. He’s even able to joke during the chaos. (I saved your life, nbd, just get me a sandwich and we’re even)

The next time he says ‘come here’, though, they do. And again, he’s trying, he’s confident that if he can just get his hands on some infected nuggets, he can keep being useful, he can help fix things. He’s still worth keeping around. He tries to lighten the mood, too- the mask, the pun. It’s just the wrong timing, and he knows he messed it up again.

But he’s trying.

[rewritingcanon]

Sorry, this might be a long rant but those anons and replies you were getting got me going. TERFs always say how trans women are “cosplaying” or “performing” what they think a woman is. But, and I say this as a cis woman, don’t cis women do that too? I’d argue that it’s not even performing womanhood, it’s performing femininity, and isn’t femininity a performance at the end of the day? Cis women wear makeup, jewelry, dresses, etc. usually to express their femininity, but it’s not inherent to being a woman. Being born a woman doesn’t automatically come with a gene that makes you interested in traditionally feminine things or ways of expression, it’s all socialization. People associate gender affirmation only with trans people, but cis men and woman do it too? Men will go to the gym to build muscle or get hair transplants to feel more masculine, and women will do things that make them feel more feminine. It’s all a performance that we put on for society. Cis women get cosmetic surgery to adhere to female beauty standards all the time (even JKR, allegedly) but suddenly it’s a problem when trans women do it?

It sucks because I do consider myself a radical feminist but TERFs make it hard to exist in that space. I think TERFs and I would agree that women getting plastic surgery is actually not an empowering or feminist choice and only further feeds an industry that profits off of making women (especially women of color) feel insecure. However, I don’t blame women for getting work done, because they’re essentially the victim in the scenario. Why would I blame someone who is groomed by a society that tells them certain parts of them are bad and need to be changed? It’s pointless and self righteous, and it only further puts the burden of being the “perfect victim” on women. I feel the same for trans women (and men). I don’t like that we live in a society that pressures people into undergoing sometimes very serious procedures to be more palatable. But that’s hardly their fault, is it? Can I really blame anyone for being worn down and making a decision to try and make their life in a toxic world easier? Specifically for trans women, it also involves their safety because they (specifically trans women of color) are the most at risk members of society, especially when it comes to violence. The more they ‘pass’, they are keeping themselves safe.

It’s just so crazy to me how TERFs can acknowledge that the patriarchy is toxic to women in ways that affect their daily lives and how they present themselves, but can’t seem to understand that it also affects other groups of people in those ways as well. Trans women aren’t our enemy, they’re just trying to survive, just like we are. How can I fault anyone for that?

Again, so sorry for the long rant but I got heated lmao

no dont apologise babe i completely agree LOL. its so sad because when i first came across radical feminism it was about their takes on sex work and the porn industry in general and i really agreed with a lot they had to say so i kept deep diving and THEN i came across the terfism. and to this day idk whether that is intrinsic to radfem ideology or if terfs are just saying it is. either way, its sad because i feel like radfems are sort of overshadowed by terfs in their spaces and get a bad rep to their name because of how many bigots use that space to promote their hateful rhetoric instead of promoting their good takes on patriarchy.

that original post about jkr got a lot of terfs/self proclaimed radfems in the shits too and i would scroll through their profiles and read what they had to say about the oppression of ciswomen and actually agree with them. and then they would turn around and argue the exact opposite about trans women which was absolutely mind-boggling to me. you tell me these people can discuss so many nuances about cis-womanhood but refuse to acknowledge similar nuances in transpeople? crazy. and very disappointing.

your point on plastic surgery and gender affirming surgery is interesting. ive never thought about it that way before or thought to compare the two. i agree with what you say about cis women getting plastic surgery btw, i also dont think it’s empowering women at all but i wont blame them. i think the difference between that and gender affirming surgery is that there are more grey areas like gender dysmorphia (although not everyone who gets this surgery has to have dysmorphia) and also what you said about safety in passing! im cis too so i dont pretend to know how gender dysmorphia feels like (i know dysmorphia is also not a trans-only thing either though). maybe the experience of that is because of socialisation and the knowledge that one’s physicality is preventing them from being socialised ‘correctly,’ and maybe that would disappear if strict ideas of gender (and what ‘man/woman’ “look” like) disappeared as well, but i don’t pretend to know lol. i dont want to make it out to be some big illusion of patriarchy or anything.

either way, you’re right. we are oppressed by patriarchy in similar ways, ways that are exacerbated for trans women (and more so for non-white trans women). even trans men are oppressed too, but im not so sure how they fit into terf rhetoric. i think they may just groups trans men in with cis women? although ive never seen a terf come on here and speak up for the oppression of trans men either so. lol.

sorry for taking so long to answer this i was pondering it for a long time 😭👍

[melis-writes]

what's your take on michael and kay's relationship in the films? do you think michael actually loved her?

Absolutely, I do!! I've done so much research and analysis on them both in film and the book because I'm obsessed with them as a couple LMAO. I've written straight up essays on here. You can find them here, here, here, and here.

To sum up the most important parts from all of them to prove my point:

Michael also makes this clear to Kay after he becomes Don too. Michael reminded Kay countless times throughout the book that he wanted to marry her, that he wanted to slowly be transparent to her about the nature of his family first. He really worked on building the love and trust in his relationship with Kay because he believed in having a future and a family with her, with or without the family business.

Michael even thought about changing his last name (seriously) for the sake of Kay’s reputation.

Michael said gently, “Will your parents approve of me?” Kay shrugged, “I don’t care,” she said. Michael said, “I even thought of changing my name, legally.”

Kay came in after him and put her arms around his waist from behind. “When are we going to get married?” She asked. “Whenever you say.” Michael said.

Mind you, Michael is not in any way desperate to marry Kay or in an urgent need to. This is all solely built on the trust, affection, and bond they have in their relationship together. He mentions marriage a lot more to her than she does to him.

When Michael had returned home from Sicily, he told Kay that she was the only one he was ever “in love” with:

[Kay:] “Why do you want me to marry you after never calling me all these months?” [Michael:] “You are the only person I felt any affection for, that I care about. I didn’t call you because it never occurred to me that you’d still be interested in me after everything that’s happened. […] I want you and I want a family.” “You know, when I came home I wasn’t that glad when I saw my family, my father, my mother, my sister Connie, and Tom. It was nice but I didn’t really give a damn. Then I came home tonight and saw you in the kitchen and I was glad. Is that what you mean by love?”

He put his arms around her and kissed her gently on the lips. Her mouth was sweet and he gently pulled her down on the bed. She closed her eyes, waiting for him to make love to her and Michael felt an enormous happiness. He had spent the war years fighting in the Pacific, and on those bloody islands he had dreamed of a girl like Kay Adams. Of a beauty like hers. She opened her eyes and hen pulled his head down to kiss him. They made love until it was time for dinner and the theater.

Michael refused to listen to anyone else asked/told Michael he should get surgery done for the bits of broken bone in his face due to McClusky breaking his jaw, even 2 years after the injury healed on the outside of his cheek. Kay was the exception to this of course! Michael wanted Kay’s opinion, and subsequently “got his face fixed”:

She knew that Michael had done it against all his own inclinations. Had done it because she has asked him to, and that she was the only person in the world who could make him act against his own nature.

And lets not forget when he said...

“You were all that I loved and valued most in the world and now I’m losing you…I’ve lost you anyway; You’re gone and it was all for nothing. You need to understand that I had a whole different destiny planned for us.”

And keeping in mind these following points:

Michael could have remarried any time after his divorce from Kay and had more children/a second son.

Michael wore his wedding ring for another 10+ years.

Michael was still trying to win Kay, apologize to her, get close to her in TGF3.

Michael moved onto Kay barely a year after Apollonia’s death.

Michael referred to Kay as “his wife” even after she remarried.

Yes, in full truth I do believe Michael loved Kay. I believe he cared for her deeply and was in love with her to the fullest extent. Their relationship and romance as a whole is so much better fleshed out in the book than the film but of course Michael is also essentially two different people when you compare him to how he was in the novel versus the film. I get why he's portrayed differently, but it's so easy to gloss over the truth of him and Kay if you don't actually sit to think about what they had and what Michael held together for their future together. ❤️

[loopspoop]

Figured I would give some general headcanons for the AU besides just physical appearances because I’m bored and also feel like I need to contribute more lmao

Lupin

* has some phantom pains from having his organic limbs removed

* autism and adhd! Our boy is sensory seeking and has a fair few thievery and history based hyperfixations. Ask him about the Jean de la Motte!

* Did have top surgery but he’s Genderfluid! Usually presents as male but we love and respect Miss Marie in this household damnit! (He/She) pronouns but isn’t picky about it

*bisexual and polyamorous! She’s dating everyone in the gang and pops!

*panics over power tools, needles, and loud sounds post cybernetics. It gets a bit better with time but trying to do repairs initially was hell

* started working with the stuff he uses for disguises to cover her cybernetics so she can seem like she’s fully human

*got super depressed once he realized he had cybernetics and had a whole crisis over not being entirely Lupin III anymore

*had a lot of issues with his cybernetics early on with malfunctions and small parts breaking off because the parts were just early installments placed there to hold space before upgrades could be made

* had the sensitivity turned up pretty damn high early on so Mad could keep him captive since it’s hard to move when everything hurts and you’re trying to recover from surgeries

* had pretty severe panic attacks early on that the gang had to learn to help her through

Goemon

* had top surgery but is non-binary! (He/they) respect pronouns or he will slice you in half!

* did everyone’s top surgeries actually (except Fujiko, she did hers medically)

*asexual and panromatic! (In a queer platonic relationship with Pops and Fuji, dating Lup and Jigen)

*will chop bigots in half

*autistic! This is basically canon anyways though. They literally always wear the same outfit and eat specific foods or won’t eat at all I mean come on!

* they take every chance to pick everyone up

* when having a hard time he seeks physical comfort by laying with Jigen and Lup (usually has them act as weighted blankets for him)

* is definitely a mother hen but less of one than Jigen. They usually tag team mother Lup and then get on to each other when they aren’t doing enough self care

* guess what…they know how to drive and use a phone in this AU! They just don’t rely on these things as much as the others so it makes him seem like he can’t

* knows the most medically out of everyone which is good because the others are always getting hurt somehow

* very good at deep breathing as a way of self regulation which helps when things are stressful! They all take some time to do group breathing together

* they know sign language! They try their best to teach the others too

* collected a lot of books on robotics and swiped a lot of Mad’s notes and parts to keep up with Lup

*also emotional support for repairs and checkups. He had to hold Lup down the first few times (they all do not regard these memories fondly at all but it had to be done)

*has a sweet tooth and actually eats properly in this AU!

* has visual snow syndrome (look it up I also have it)

Jigen

* he has anxiety! He just usually forces himself to not panic about stuff until the danger has passed. He shoves it deep down inside (not healthy at all sir)

* mother hen along with Goe. He’s a tightass about self care except for with himself which is when Goemon gets involved

* resident weighted blanket for the others (he’s very warm)

* gives the others ice to keep them calm in stressful situations (saves sour candies for Lup too)

* he puts his hair up a lot and usually puts up Goe and Fuji’s too

* when he gets stressed he closes himself off from everyone so he doesn’t blow up

* doesn’t like wide open spaces from his days in service because he feels too exposed

* wears his hat because his eyes are sensitive

* he’s secretly a good poet (he will never let the others know this)

* he turns on the live cam wildlife videos for everyone to watch to relax

* autistic? Who knows. Not Jigen

* he is gay. He is demisexual and he is trans 😌 (he/him) pronouns. Goemon did his top surgery! (He’s dating Lupin and Goemon, queer platonic with Pops, situationship with Fuji)

* he has OCD (wow he’s just like me!)

* had a hard time being overly protective of everyone after what happened to Lupin but had to learn to reign it in when everyone got too tired of him being that way

* does repairs on Lupin’s cybernetics because his hands are so steady

* knits and sews for everyone and because the repetitive motion calms him down

* when they first got out of Mad’s lab and Lup was not doing so great in recovery, Jigen would sing to him when the others weren’t around. Goemon would catch him and listen from time to time and take up the same practice when they forced Jigen to take breaks

Fujiko

* does everyone’s nails (she’s spectacular at getting their colors perfect)

* helps Lup with his cosmetics to cover his cybernetics to make them more realistic

* gets everyone comfort clothing (they’re stylish and comfortable obviously)

* takes care of the boys hair because they deserve soft clean hair

* helps Goemon get Japanese food wherever they are in the world

* Aromantic! Queer platonic polyamorous with everyone (idk what to label her and Lup, she loves him just not in the conventional way yknow? They have s3x and love each other just.. not conventionally!)

* gives great advice honestly

* gives a lot of her comfort through gift giving and general acts of kindness

* does the heists when Lup is in recovery so that they have money to fall back on

*doesn’t double cross everyone like in canon because they love each other damnit

* steals parts from leading robotics scientists for Lupin to use

Zenigata

* bisexual! He’s dating Lupin and queer platonic with everyone else

* insomniac central get this man some weed or something so he can sleep

* knows sign language as well!

* bites stuff when he’s frustrated (a lot)

* did a LOT of research and safeguarding for Lupin (and for future chases obviously but let’s not get ahead of ourselves)

* surprisingly good at getting Lupin and the others through panic attacks and the like

* gives Lupin chocolate coins when he’s down (idk why it’s just cute and I like it)

* helps Jigen with doing Lupin’s repairs

* he’s actually staying with them once he figures out Lup is down for the count for a while because he feels guilty. He’ll act like he’s keeping tabs for ICPO but he’s actually just doing gay shit

[transboysokka]

Tell us about your extensive list of injuries!

ok this is probably why my body is so shitty now lol

like idk if this is A Lot but also the doctor i had my whole time in America's philosophy was "give it time and your body will heal it" and idk if it was him or my shitty dad who just like didn't know about physical therapy lol but yeah

feel free to use any of this as fanfic inspo lmao

I don't think anything here is TOO graphic but, y'know, take care of yourselves

I was BORN with a broken collarbone because i was... 10.5 pounds as a baby? Couldn't fit through the hole lolol like i guess the DELIVERY took 2.5 hours

this isn't an injury but feels like it belongs here... i have a bleeding disorder so when i was a kid between like 3-5 years old i'd get these TERRIBLE nosebleeds that, no lie, would fill up a bath towel. so i had two nose cauterizations when i was 5 and 6. so. surgery.

Many many ankle sprains lol

In... Grade 8? I broke BOTH of my ankles at the same time bc i tried to jump hurdles in track AFTER having already pulled a muscle. so i landed terribly wrong... lol they had me doing shot put the rest of the season bc that was the only thing i didnt have to move my legs so much doing

somehow i think... i was mostly okay through high school... somehow? (maybe not i dont remember a lot of high school lol)

ok so in college i worked at this Religiously Traumatizing summer camp and i did all the like Carrying Heavy Stuff Around jobs but i slipped in the mud from standing height and slammed RIGHT down on my right knee and i swear i landed on a rock or something? yeahhhhh that's my most fucked up one still, it NEVER healed right and actually the way they had me using crutches for that one really messed up my OTHER knee too

about... 6 years ago right before i moved to asia i worked in construction sales (fucking loved that job, i was so buff driving forklifts and tossing around bags of cement) and i was lifting a 14-foot 4x6 WET pressure-treated beam, so we're talking like... idk that's gotta be 30kg, am i exaggerating? (on my own, as I probably shouldn't have done) over my head and DROPPED IT ON MY FACE. HUGE laceration and concussion

ANYWAY i was sleeping in my sister's top bunk at the time lmao and so the next morning I FELL OUT OF IT AND LANDED ON THE SAME DAMN LEFT COLLARBONE I BROKE AS A BABY. snapped the thing clean in half. waited a month for it to heal on its own, it didnt, and i needed surgery for them to break it again and fix it. I still have the plate and screws in there. but now that whole area is kind of fucked muscle-wise too

OH i almost forgot i got in a scooter accident a few months ago, major head injury there. like passed out for 10 minutes kind of head injury! but also i cut my finger like right down to the bone so that was... fun to heal...

so yeah... is it a lot? idk lol but that's all of them i think

[butch-reidentified]

Your lack of self awareness about your own "dysphoria" is causing you to justify an extremely antifeminist industry and those profiting from selling marginalized women self-destruction. You have all the expected comorbidities (OCD/anorexia/body dysmorphia plus unresolved trauma from extreme homophobia) of someone in your position, shared with most female people who seek this surgery, and not someone with an implausible, never validated neurological disorder that coincidentally happens to map precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body. Your "resolution" of symptoms is dependent on defending your decision and not the actual reality of the results. Your comorbid issues (especially OCD, which your wife is enabling) are obviously still raging through your life no matter what you say. It is a direct insult to every woman who feels violated by what happened to them to claim that not only are you one of the only people on the planet to truly need this surgery but that you read their stories of profoundly woman-hating trauma to convince yourself that you were a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate. P.S. I would "pull up" but I have a job instead of whatever grift you run. Good luck and hope you figure this out before too many other women see you as a role model.

LMAO this is so so amazing thank you. when I tell you this reads like TRA arguments... straight up making things up, projecting, absurdity, and ad hominem bs. delightful!

long post incoming but I am gonna break this down on a micro level bc I haven't talked about these topics in a minute + I'm high and it seems like fun, like a satisfying puzzle, kind of, to break this down into individual parts and address each part. Plus, asks like this provide opportunities to really dive into nuance and detail on several of one's ideas, experiences, and worldviews all in one place, which I've always enjoyed.

I am gonna preface by saying several parts of this are blatantly bad faith, and I am answering more for others to read than for anon. In particular, the claim that I said I am one of the few people who "truly NEED" this surgery. Given you clearly read at least some of my posts on dysphoria, certainly you saw that I repeatedly emphasized that I never have or will view this as a "need." It's also worth noting that most of my posts on this were written quite some time ago, and I don't remember everything I ever wrote on the topic off the top of my head, but I 150% do know myself and what thoughts and feelings I've had and which I've not had on the matter.

ok so first off, I have literally not ever ever even once encouraged anyone to pursue a single elective surgery & have very consistently done the opposite. just because I feel chill about my surgery personally does not mean that I support that industry, actually. in fact, if i knew everything i know about that industry now, I would not get the surgery... but that's a matter of choosing to boycott the industry, not a matter of how i feel personally about my individual experience. how I feel has literally nothing to do with my opinions/beliefs/values. I dont choose how I feel, but I fully choose my moral code.

in fact, my honesty about my story is not supporting that industry in a single way - it simply is not lying. people like you would have me lie to further a narrative rather than be genuine and candid, which puts us on the level with TRAs since that is precisely what they do. it comes down to this: you are asking me to either be silent about (lie by omission) or knowingly misrepresent (outright lie) my experiences because you lack the capacity for nuance to fit them into your narrative without harming the integrity of said narrative. But I don't under any circumstances do that, regardless of whether or not I agree with said narrative (and in this case, I very much do agree). If you cannot work the nuances of my lived experiences into your narrative about gender ideology and transition without it threatening the narrative that's on you; it's entirely possible to do. I'm not going to lie or censor myself just because you're limited in that way.

to be clear, my theory about neurological sex dysphoria is not "implausible;" it is also not something I'm insisting definitely is correct, or I would not call it a theory. And do you even have the qualifications to rule it such, knowing that I am a published neuro/neuropsych researcher (though now retired from that field because I recently found my truest passion)? However, it is not based on absolutely nothing. This answer is already waaay too long, bad habit of mine, but my #ntsd tag includes some posts that elaborate on this. The only thing I am going to specifically say on this matter is that having a processing disconnect (which has literally been visialized on fMRI) that caused my breasts to physically feel like a prosthetic attachment... is not "coincidentally mapping precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body." This assertion doesn't even make sense in the context of everything I've said previously. I have never believed in the "body mapping" theory of dysphoria that you clearly are referring to by "mapping... onto the female body."

Additionally, I am not sure how you see logic in making this claim when misogynistic ideas of the female body are not known for being devoid of breasts. As I've said in practically every single post on this topic that I've made, I never went through a period of actually wanting to reject womanhood, be perceived socially as not-a-woman, or believing that womanhood and femininity were synonymous. That simply was not my motivation, and as I've said before, pain from chronic cysts was a large part of my decision. Lots of women on here have spoken about how they never went through those period either, yet I'm the only one I've seen get shit for it & get accused of thinking I'm better than other women for it. I never claimed or remotely implied that, and it has never in my life so much as occurred to me as even a hypothetical concept to feel superior about something like that. The only difference between me and most of the women on here who never went through those periods is that I had an elective mastectomy - but I did so while still entirely secure and at peace in my womanhood. Whether you find my truthful experience to be inconvenient or hurtful is entirely on you, not my responsibility to bury my own feelings and my own story for your comfort.

My lack of regret is not remotely "dependent on defending my decision." This is another statement that you would never make in a million years if you'd ever had one single irl conversation with me. I have no hesitation about admitting when I'm wrong. I do it /all/ the time. I don't have a pride issue, so "defending my decisions" is not something that matters to me. Again, you are projecting and you are assigning qualities to me without even the most basic knowledge of me as a person. I have not to date had a single human being on here miss quite this hard in an attempt to come at me. There's a lot about me, like anyone, that's ripe for completely justifiable criticism, and you've somehow managed to select some of the least applicable few assertions about me that you could find. Fact of the matter is I'm not prone to regret in the first place, and even factoring the dysphoria thing out of the conversation entirely, I genuinely like not having the inconvenience of large breasts and not having the pain of constant cysts, which i would still have if I'd gotten a reduction rather than mastectomy.

furthermore, you are making wildly unfounded claims. "lack of self awareness" lmfao this is pure gold. the people that hate me most in the entire world would laugh out loud if you tried to say that about me in front of them. I have plenty of flaws, plenty of areas I need to improve, but self-awareness is not one of those, not something I have ever in my entire life before this ask had a single soul give me constructive feedback about. so thanks for the novel experience, ig 🤷

I literally do not have a single one of the mental health issues you're claiming I do, nor do I have any unhealed trauma at all (and have not in a long time), as I've spoken about in-depth more than once, especially since my first ever Neuropsych research publication was on PTSD and I previously worked as a trauma therapist for patients with comorbid substance use disorders. I have a number of genetic physical health conditions, but my mental health is honestly excellent. Not to say I've just been totally cheerful my entire life, but at this point in my life, I have been healed long enough that it's almost surreal to look back on a time when I wasn't, and I am deeply happy with my career, my marriage, my relationships with my family and friends, my home and my pets, my hobbies... all of it. And I'm incredibly excited for the plans my wife and I have for our future.

The body dysmorphia claim is especially funny to me because one literally cannot possibly be any more neutral and at ease in their relationship with their body than this. I have said it several times on here, but I place as much value on my appearance now as I did when I was 4. Pretty much the only time I consider my appearance at all is to make sure I look professional and sharp for something like a business meeting. I talk about true body neutrality being attainable fairly often specifically because I've experienced it firsthand, so I know it can be done. I have a strict rule against speaking on shit I don't actually know.

but if you think that by reading my tumblr blog, you know my mind better than I do and better than medical professionals, that's just blatantly delusional and peak chronically online behavior. ESPECIALLY as someone who does not know me in any capacity. the audacity to make claims about not only me but also my WIFE, who you know nearly nothing about and does not even use this site.... it's genuinely mind-boggling for you to be running your mouth about some "lack of self awareness" shit given the content and tone of this ask.

same thing with you deciding you are able to speak for "every woman who feels violated by what happened to them." that is lack of self awareness and it is projection. your assertion that I read those women's painful stories of woman-hating trauma before having my surgery "to convince myself that I was a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate" is SUCH bullshit even you have to know you're lying. that comment is so bad faith it's a bit impressive, but mostly just disgusting on your part. I read detrans stories freely shared by both sexes on public platforms, with the specific intention of canceling my planned surgery the second I encountered one single thing I might have in common with those stories in terms of motivation to get the surgery. There is such a massive difference between trying to learn from others' mistakes and using others' trauma to validate your choices. You are lying if you try to act like I wasn't very clear about which one I did. I waited 5 or 6 years from when I learned that this surgery was even a thing to move forward. I waited until my prefrontal cortex was "done cooking" as the internet likes to say. I pursued multiple other treatment options, not one of which was "gender affirming" bc I did not buy into gender ideology back then, either. And I educated myself on the experiences of those who regretted it with the purpose of minimizing my risk of regret by NOT moving forward if I found that I related to any of the motivations that led them to pursue surgery and ultimately regret it. I was not blindly stubbornly committed to surgery; I was always very much open to canceling if it felt right. Yes, having chosen that process of literally informing myself DID make me uniquely informed... that doesn't mean i'm better than anyone else, though. it's just the reality of putting a half decade of work and analysis and thought into a decision that absolutely nobody pressured me into, compared to the pretty common experience of being misled by trans ideology and/or rushing into this surgery. I am very much aware that I'm not special or superior just because I am flat out lucky enough to have not had anyone trying to manipulate, mislead, rush, or pressure me to get surgery, and insanely lucky to have not had pain or complications from it. And yes, despite my unconventional path to surgery, I also know I am very lucky to not regret it. All the more reasons I don't promote it.

you have constructed an image of me, my wife, and my daily life in your mind based on reading my blog and absolutely nothing more than that. even if you are engaging negatively with that image, criticizing it/me, etc., this is a parasocial engagement by definition.

The above is exactly what you have done. Parasocial interactions don't have to be positive. You are deluding yourself if you truly, genuinely believe you have the remotest understanding of who I am or how I live.

out of curiosity, did you intentionally fail to mention that I had medical reasons for my mastectomy in addition to dysphoria? or did you just conveniently forget about that despite how frequently I've talked about it?

as an afterthought: the implication that unlike you, I don't have a job is fucking golden given that you've clearly been reading a LOT of my posts and I don't believe for one second that you simply missed all the posts where I've talked about the fact that we bought our own home at 24, the fact that my wife and I own our own business, and the extra shit I do just because. but if you like, we can compare our records of how much time per day and week spent on social media 💀

thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️

[delicatebluebirdruins]

the Hollow Boy book 3 reactions reading it for the first time

book 1 and 2

finally ready to type this up here we go page numbers are my copies

page 3 "I think it was only at the very end of the Lavender Lodge job, when we were fighting for our lives in that unholy guest house, that I glimpsed Lockwood and Co working together perfectly for the first time" Lmao

page 8 the owners of the Lodge description "If they resembled anything, it was a pair of elderly owls roosting on a branch"

16 we know who you are Lucy

19 "That's real bad. If I were you Lucy I would find a window and jump out." that is not a good thing is it

page 20 "however as the weeks passed and we'd got to know it properly, we'd learned to really despise it too" heartwarming really

Page 27 that is a lot of ghosts (example whatever I'm on this would be great to see this on screen the practicality of it though? nope)

38 "you chucked that bottle like a girl"/ "I am a girl" no comments let it speak for itself

49 "Outside the window a gale was blowing. Portland Row seemed formed of liquid. Trees flexed; rain pattered on the panes. Inside, it was warm; we had the heating on full blast." this is so cosy

57 "so Lockwood's proximity made me happy" 63 Skull being annoying and I love the background on the night taxis

66 insight into the past and the sorry fate of Jessica Lockwood.

72 Poor Lockwood standing there as Lucy and George bickered

74 I love this quote "It was a place of absence, we were in the presence of something that had gone. It was like coming to a valley where someone had once shouted, loud and joyously, and the echo of that shout had resounded between the hills and lasted a long time. But now it had vanished, and you stood on the spot, and it was not the same"

also Lucy thinking about Lockwood opening up to her more is so cute

82 Hi Kipps (lmao this is so funny when you consider how worried Lockwood was at the thought of Lucy leaving for Fittes "Bloody cheek. Lockwood said. He's talking nonsense as usual. Even so, he said little in the taxi, and it was left to me to give renewed directions"

85 "I smiled at him. There was a horror behind that door. I would see it in seconds. Yet my heart sang in my breast, to be standing beside Lockwood in that house. All was as it should be" aw the horrors but united front

86 I wonder why i was thinking of the Woman in Black

91 "My Talent could bypass such anxieties" can it? 100% of the time?

92 the skull is funny but also an jackass

96 testing Lucy's talent time... the skull is so funny

101 "it wasn't the easiest of homecomings" (typing this up I did not notice the Fittes ghost hunting board game which is basically surgery" 105 "I couldn't believe it. They'd actually done it. They'd tidied! they'd tidied up for me" and "Lockwood's favourites - the ones with almond icing that he rarely allowed himself- were on top" and "Portland Row was my home. My real family was here." I need a minute for that last one honestly

118 "her skin looked as smooth and delectable as coffee- coloured marble". interesting word choice (bisexual Lucy)

125 "I'd never thought to sit so close behind Lockwood that I could lean foreward and speak quietly in his ear, or, by virtue of my proximty to the leader, tactily became the second most important person in the room"

133 the tale is so eerie the casual callouseness of Mrs Wintergarden (thought she doesn't mean to be) and the haunting itself 136 "I gulped mine down like an antisocial seabird" also hello lyre brooch

142 Lucy talking and getting cut off by Lockwood.

153 time sickness

162 Ned Shaw dies and it is just go on as usual there'll be time to mourn later. I am really glad we got to see Ned and Lockwood fight together in the show

165 Neighbourhood Protection Leagues. I was hoping for something like this in the world at large

176 Holly wearing Lockwood's old jumper on the one hand makes sense because cold but also was it necessary for Holly to say it still smells like him? like it is really intimate wearing someone else's clothing and smelling them on it and of course the possibilty of her wearing Lucy's spare gloves is so *flails*

186 "there were bloodstained footprints all around my circle" how about? no 188 "or mimicking the sound of breathing" again no

192 "the ghost opened it's mouth. "I need YOU" it said" creepy. three steps at a time is huge (i want a Lockwood POV)

200 "were you feeling particulary abandoned or needy up there?" and Lucy not answering or looking at George. 205 Lockwood and Lucy arguing about Holly (not arguing per say but rumbles of thunder off in the distance)

209 I love this chat with the Skull. 211 "head wounds clearly suit you" the way i sputtered at this

216 I love the vastness of the Chelsea outbreak

219 Bad things happening? let's throw a party! well carnival you get the picture

224 FLO! we're going to see Flo... 228 "Don't worry about Locky. He must like you really. It's been eighteen months and you're still alive" lmao

233 Love Mrs Wintergarden inviting them to the carnival

236 George is protective of Lucy aw

241 hi sir Rupert... 244 they're tossing sources!

247 deadly hair piece NICE ("the band was a crescent- moon- sharp, made of silver. She held it like a knife")

253 "we [Locklyle] were in step together perfectly in sync"

259 I love the pictures of Lockwood in the newspaper

264 "[Luce] You're a star" a bit out of context but who cares? and then she goes into Jessica's room and finds out what she can

266 Lucy finds a necklace "a golden necklace with a dark green stone lay on a sheet of cotton wool" 269 poor little Lockwood

278 world building! finding where things are located! this is cool

281 smarty pants George but also teamwork with Flo

284 "Another point to Lucy. She's good at playing atrocities" now thing of the scene in the show where she and Lockwood roleplay relic men

287 misplaced trust in Barnes

292 Lucy telling Lockwood to join forces with Kipps and I really like the scene

Lucy: "I think we should take Kipps up on his offer. There are people dying out there, Lockwood, and we can't stand back from it. We need to act. We need to engage, even if that does mean making compromises. That department store is massive: even if we're just doing a reconnaissance, we need a proper team. And Kipps's team is good- we know that. If we have faith in George, in all the work he's done, we should do this. We owe it to him. More than that, we owe it to ourselves.

and Lockwood just gazes at her (Lockwood POV) and she gets flustered "I just don't think we have any choice" and I love it so much

and I love the reactions of everyone else

297 FLO! I feel so safe. 299 Flo is plesant to Holly Lucy is annoyed

303 haunting descriptions time "Mornings are all right' the attendant in Meswear said. 'And late afternoons, funnily enough when you get the sunlight streaming through the windows. It's noon I don't like, when the streets outside are bright, and in here it's full of shadow. The air goes thick. Not hot, exactly. Just stuffy."

312 Lucy paired with Holly and neither being very happy about it the skull being funny

317 i like this description from the skull "Because you're [Lucy] unique. You shine like a beacon, attracting the attention of all dark things" 319 "i missed him [Lockwood] at my side"

323 "And i watched that notch of darkness. I watched as something moved into it" how about nope

328 "with a fetch a ghost that makes a psychic bond with the onlooker and takes on the guise on the guise of someone closely connected to them" this would be horrible yeah (I would love to see it in the show)

338 Lucy telling Holly she should have told Lockwood no and Holly goes "like you do?" Lucy yelling at Holly and poor Bobby is injured and having to deal with these two

351 "truth is, it's everywhere. it's right on top of us. It coils around us like a snake. We're all inside it. It's already swallowed us whole." I LOVE THIS LINE

359 why is Lockwood's eyes sparkling at Lucy and then it all goes to shit the chapter ending with "both my mind and body were lost"

365 "rule seven (b), obviously, is to keep your matchbox well stocked."

367 "I looked at it. 'Hello,' I said. 'Sorry' The skeleton said nothing. It couldn't help it's bad manners"

379 Lucy recognising the voice being that of Lockwood. But it not being Lockwood

385 "you know I'd die for you" so Lucy see's the fetch ghost take on Lockwood's form and telling her Lockwod dies for her. Then she hears this from real Lockwood. If it were me the moment i was able i'd sit in the corner and rock. Also this is a crime that we don't get to see this scene and the lead up to it on the screen because Lockwood's actor is great and would knock it out of the park. (also Lockwood pov again)

390 "it's happened to me before. Losing someone dear to me. I can't let it happen again" see above Cameron and Ruby would be stunning.

394 Lockwood's first ghosts were his parents? yikes

413 creepy thought indeed missing mysterious people doing a ritual

417 "take your boyfriend Lockwood" lmao skull

419 and everyone is in shock and the book end.