#like. i too love classics—i majored in it! but so many of the other ppl who love classics are. like this.

[aeide-thea]

Left: "Mars, the Bringer of War" (2003) by Toshiyuki Enoki, cropped to remove the artist's stamp. Right: "Head of a Lady in Medieval Costume" (1900) by Lucien-Victor Guirand de Scévola, antisemitic painter and pioneer of military camouflage, cropped and reversed.

[vasquez-rocks]

i know most ppl haven’t seen it yet but wanted to write something abt how annoyed some of the critical discourse abt I Saw the TV Glow is making me. MAJOR SPOILERS below the break, be warned!!

so idk i’ve seen so many reviews of the film positing that it’s about the dangers of obsessive fandom and overidentification with fictional characters, esp vis a vis real life self-actualization/coming out. (like, essentially every review has some of this in it, from what i’ve seen.) and, like: i don’t think that’s wrong, but i also think it’s massively underselling what schoenbrun is doing here. the metaphor of the show’s bleed-over is so smart because works in both directions at once.

like, in one direction: when maddy asks owen to come into the show by burying himself alive, you can read it as her asking him to abandon his real-life responsibilities, and the material facts of his real life body, in favor of a fantasy life where everything is already fixed. she’s inviting him to skip over the hard, messy work of transitioning and to sink even deeper into the analgesic obsessions he uses to numb his dysphoria. in this interpretation, it’s, like, the equivalent of overprioritizing “transition goals” instead of actually medically/legally/socially transitioning if that’s what you want, living forever in the ideal instead of taking difficult steps to change the material. (also, uh, if you don’t think she’s literally correct about the nature of reality, she is in fact asking him to kill himself. there’s that.)

BUT! it also works the other way. when maddy tells owen that the show is real, that their lives are just the buried dreams of dying girls in another life, she terrifies him by confronting him with something he’s always known about himself: he was supposed to be a girl. what she proposes is radical, dangerous, seemingly unhinged, and based on a childish fixation: all the things scared closeted trans people worry transition is, basically. on a more figurative level, too, the feeling she’s telling owen is real – that his real life is just a dream within a dream, that his home is not his home, that he belongs somewhere else, that he is supposed to be SOMEONE else – is something so, so, so many closeted trans people have felt before, myself so much included. when he sobs in the shower, yelling “this isn’t my home!” at his dad, i felt a sense of identification stronger than i’ve almost ever gotten from art before. when maddy finally calls him isabel, it’s the gentlest thing i can imagine.

in this read – which i do love, while thinking the other one is simultaneously true – it’s less “come sink deeper into delusion with me instead of dealing with your own life” and more “it’s going to be terrifying, but that childish dream of being a girl you once held wasn’t childish, and it can be real if you’re courageous enough.” he says he runs away from the football field because he thinks maddy’s not mentally well; it takes very little analysis of subtext to figure out he’s running away because he’s afraid of how much he wants what she’s offering. and, of course, the idea of the visible world being an illusion laid atop the world in which one is one’s truest self is a classic trope of trans cinema going all the way back to the matrix. (also: while i’m pretty death-of-the-author-pilled in most media analysis, it kinda seems like schoenbrun themself has interpreted the film in this way, as they’ve spoken at length in interviews about how, to them, transition felt like asking to be buried alive.)

all of which is to say: i think the film IS commenting on fandom, obsession, overidentification, and the ease with which queer people can sink into art as a way to dissociate from real life. but i think it makes the film so much more cynical and so much less tender to treat it as the ONLY read of the film’s relationship with the pink opaque. art, especially the sort of slow, metaphor-laden art schoenbrun makes, is best when it is complex and productively contradictory. the pink opaque is a problem, and an escape, and a fantasy, and it’s real, and one day isabel is going to wake up.

[newwavesylviaplath]

what are your top five favourite movies of all time (and why?) 💘

again this is so hard cuz i don't watch movies but ill try my best to answer.

5. sleep away camp; literally the definition of 80s campy horror it's what ahs 1984 wishes it could be

4. scott pilgrim vs the world; ultimate comfort movie!! ive read all the comics and have a scott pilgrim action figure also besides this fact its a good movie i like how i can recognize a bunch of the places DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE SOUNDTRACK i love all the bands so much and because the majority of them are canadian i have like some weird connection to them (my fave thing to brag abt is how my mom went to highschool with the drummer of broken social scene and they were like CLOSE friends like not just acquaintances)

3. brigsby bear; another comfort movie- i used to be a diehard snl fan but i was like SPECIFICALLY obsessed with kyle mooney (still love him) and also this movie is so like sweet and like perfect example of the offbeat humour + heartwarming ending combo im convinced that kyle's just ahead of his time and that this will totally be a cult classic one day.

2. kill me now; another movie with kyle mooney- im a giant nerd when it comes to improv and sketch comedy (don't get me started on the podcasts omfg) so when i found out that all of good neighbor was in this movie i had to watch. another example of campy horror although it's very 2012 type humour so i think a lot of ppl think it's like stupid but whatever ill defend it till the day i die its free on youtube go watch

1. excision (2008); literally another film from youtube that i've seen too many times to count. this is a short film (which is great considering i have horrible adhd) but it was turned into a full length feature in like 2013 i think. the full length one is also very good; it features traci lords AND john waters as a minister 💀 so again it has kind of a kitschy vibe to it but not as much as the others. the original is a lot more on the serious side. it's totally perfect if u have mommy issues the last scene always makes me cry (you'll also like it if ur mentally ill or maybe just have a blood kink)

sorry idk why i wrote a whole essay. also honourable mention is the movie 'slaxx' that was absolutely wild.

[neonmetro]

Went back and reread your infodump post because that shit is like Nicotine /J

This is in no way related to Ocs or anything but likeeee I couldn't help it

Kirby mention so I'm just gonna rant rq

I have all the Kirby games up to forgotten lands, Super Nintendo? Wii U? YEAH I GOT EM

I literally can't because the Super Nintendo is the LOVE of my life, Doctor Mario and Tetris was MY SHIT, i also used to play shooters on the WII U until I lost the gun piece. . .sigh those were the days. Not to mention Hip Hop dance experience which if you want me to be honest it's just Hip Hop just dance and wayyyyy better in my humble opinion. PLS TELL ME YOU HAVE PLAYED ON THE SUPER NINTENDO, also I used to have a Mortal Kombat arcade system until it broke. . .still need a replacement piece/

ALSO YOU SHARE THE LOVE OF MARINE BIOLOGY???? PLS PLS PLS I LOVE MARINE BIOLOGY AND HAVE LOVED IT SINCE I WAS IN THE 3RD GRADE, I did half of my science projects around Jellyfish and sea slugs. . .the ocean is so scary but so beautiful. LIKE SEA ANGELS???? AND LION FISH??? DON'T GET ME STARTED ON JELLYFISH AND SHARKS CHAT. I could rant for hourrs about Marine life, also like coral is so pretty. . .I honestly think people should start caring more about the environment !!!! To keep beautiful things like this alive !!! (If you want to infodump by all means this is an invitation hehe. . .)

Another hyperfixation of mine is Astronomy. . .sighs. . .if I were to talk about astronomy I fear I wouldn't be able to send this ask because it would just be too long. . .tumblr is such a hater

and then butterflies and castles . . .I really like castles, um

Butterflies though !!! They are great, I find it silly that a lot of the Morpho butterflies are named after Greek myth. Like the Morpho menalaus, the Morpho achillies, and Morpho Telemachus.

I also really like fairy tales, classical literature, vampires. . .sighs, vampires

PLS FEEL FREE TO RANT ABOUT ANY OF YOUR INTERESTS OR HYPERFIXATIONS PLEASE THAT WOULD BE GREAT ACTUALLY, I RUN OFF OF INFO DUMPS

-Ulysses loving anon

HELP ME?!?!??!?!?! CRAZY ANALOGY

HELL YESSSSSSS god all those games are iconic.... i'll be so honest i haven't played many nintendo games, i only got a switch this year LMAOOO and i've only played pokemon + splatoon 2.... i love kirby with all my heart though i have a little squeaky toy of him in my room and he is poyo poyoing all over the place

i mean i've watched some nintendo gameplay videos but none of those games.... sorry

most games i've been able to play are on the phone .... bc i'm not that good at playing on my computer (cause i draw instead so i have to drag myself away)

GODDD!!! I LOVE MARINE BIOLOGYYY it was so intense in junior year that i wanted to become a marine bio major (it's such an odd choice considering my first major is business marketing....?) but we ball tbh i'd still like to take a course in it

HGNGNGHGGH I FUCKING LOVE JELLYFISH YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA!!!! the lampocteis and moon jellies are my absolute favorites, comb jellies are peak and so are moon jellies

honestly i'm really lucky i can travel a lot bc i get to go to so many aqauriums. we fucking ball. like everytime i go to an aquarium i take five million pictures LOLLL like its a problem lmfao!!!!! (like i went to a aquarium in tokyo and it was baller)

outside of jellyfish my favorite is orcas, whales, and other deep sea animals. fuck i love them so much. (i call orcas assholes all the time because they are but i love them for it) smth smth moby dick being 50% whale facts only fed into the marine bio fixation

sea slugs are awesome too. look at those sluggos go eating sponges and becoming poisonous as a result. oh i also love sphinophores (hi portuguese man o' war) they're awesome

i rarely get to make things about my marine bio interest... but while playing webfishing i almost exclusively fish out at sea and i bother my friends about fun facts all the time

HONESTLY? TRUE. that's kinda the main way to get ppl to care lol make it about little guys that are cute and don't you want them to be alive instead of dead?

coral bleaching is such a insane problem man....... make sure you pay attention to what sunscreen you're using!!!!!!!!

AHHH ASTRONOMY..... i used to be really into it when i was younger but erm. it kinda died after awhile and i'm hesitant to get back into it after an incident lol... i still love the planets tho (thank you sailor moon you are the source of many awakenings for me)

castles are awesome i'm ngl.....

OHHH!!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT BUTTERFLIES THAT'S SO COOL ACTUALLY... AND REALLY ICONIC ONES TOO THAT'S CRAZYYYY

its actually so cool that scientific names for animals are named after greek heroes its so cool. like the genus and family name for albatrosses are named after diomedes and i was like HOLY SHIT!!!!!

HELL YESS FAIRY TALES AND CLASSIC LIT!!!! those are so peak (i love fairy tales and ballets with a burning passion. they're awesome. i need every adaptation of a fairy tale IN MY VEINS. NOW.)

oghghgh i really love metro systems. i love how color coordinated they are and how they're genuinely the best kind of public transportation there is, its so cool... also the aesthetics are so good.

i also really love pop art (i'm from new york can you tell) GENUINELY SUCH AN AWESOME MOVEMENT AGAINST WHAT IS AND ISN'T CONSIDERED ART!!!! GOING AGAINST ALL STANDARDS AND QUALIFICATIONS!!!! also i just love bright colors and tone dots lmfao.... (i'm not the biggest fan of abstract art but pop art just hits diff)

[kidflashimpulse]

possible hot take: i actually like that YJA Bart has shorter hair and green eyes. and NOT because i dislike his classic, iconic big hair and gold eyes!! i love that shit so so much. official comic artists who don't give Bart those features are doing it wrong tbh. i just think, personally, that YJA Bart is different enough from his comic version that the visual distinction works and suits him. i like the idea of being able to immediately tell them apart if you saw them side by side.

that IS a hot take 👀 #cancelled

ok just kidding sorry lol yes i do understand what u mean and how it appeals to u !! it’s useful for fan content too for people to consume the content they enjoy more, which isn’t something that necessarily concerns me as i enjoy both a lot but i can see how some can appreciate that. it also allows for ppl to experiment with his appearance as a whole which personally is what i rlly like about it. similar to u, i absolutely adore his signature big hair and yellow eyes and they’ll always be iconic but i do love some of his shorter hair designs too. in the comics depending on artists they sometimes give him a style akin to his YJ version and im never mad at it ! because usually the bangs of his hair is still fairly long which i 😍 and in YJ beyond the beginning of S3 they do that too, so i (personally) don’t particularly find his overall appearance between comics and YJ too different as a result.

and as i’ve mentioned in some other posts i think the core principles of what makes bart himself is pretty prevalent in YJ bart too but i guess in terms of plot details like overall background and what is going on with him in their respective medias, it makes sense to have these distinctions :) and i think it helps us (as in YJ bart fans) to also grow as a fandom too which is really cool as we can cater more specifically to him

also i love to incorporate his popular design for my personal HC of YJ Bart that when he was younger during the apocalypse he had his signature big hair, like i find it just makes a lot of sense there ! and then he cut it for REASONS (either specific or not it’s up to u, i HC some semi deep specific reasons or two lol) later down the line like a couple years before he left his original timeline.

also major apologies for the super delayed answer (this is like the oldest ask i have) and to the many other asks in my inbox as well 😭🙏 i do hope u manage to see this ! i’ve always wanted to go through all of them in order but it just became impossible. i do hope to go through ALL of them, i can’t wait for that day lol

[icyfox17]

1, 4, 8, 22, 26, 29, 30, 32, 35, 40, 52, 58 (It’s Golden Hour Somewhere :) and 61 (Wilbur Soot and Lovejoy!)

I know that’s a hekkin ton, so you don’t have to answer all of them XD

1. Are you an albums person or a singles person?

Albums !!! I think . askdfjksd

4. Is there a song you love but don't like its music video?

oh i am sure there are lots... especially songs from when i was a kid bc radio music always has hypersexualised music videos and those always made me feel so so uncomfy... can't think of an example rn though :0

8. Is there an artist or song that you like, despite being of a genre you don't usually like?

OOOHH HTHIS IS AN INTERESTING QUESTION HMM

Scared of the Dark by lil wayna, ty dollar sign, and xxx. i do Not like mumble rap and i really didn't like the verses but the CHORUS WAS SOOO GOUGHOGHOUGHOG EXPLODES that i listened to it on repeat and now i love the song (even tho i find the guys voice in the verse funny)

29. Songs you love to dance to:

funny you should ask that bc i have a playlist~ ... I JUST DELETED IT BY ACCIDENT FUCKKKKKK AWOFEIJAWEFLK

anyways. i will fix that later welp KFJSAKDJF

come on eileen by dexys midnight runners is A CLASSIC AND MUST BE ADDED IT'S THE BEST DANCING SONG EVER IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND EVER SINCE I READ BEES FIC HONEY AND TANGERINES IT MADE IT EVEN BETTER I CANNOT DO THIS RAHSSSSSS

disco by surf curse is another song that is just INSTANT DANCE VIBES how can u NOT dance to it

kiss goodnight by IDKHOW is another really lovely song that always makes me want to dance :)))

30. Songs you love to sing along to:

now this one i ALSO have a playlist and i will NOT delete it this time ohmgyod im actually so sad i loved my dancing playlist HELPS FDKJKJD

songs that are Simply Bangers hehehe this one's for when i just wanna shout lyrics at the top of my lungs

but for specific onesssss

Locked Outta Heaven by Bruno Mars // IT'S SO GOOD IT MAKES ME FEEL UNHINGED IL OVE IT SO MCHUH ABRKARKJWBAEKAWJKB unfortunately the lyrics make me feel Uncomfortable singing bc . major ace here woOOO but it's fine i just live in denial and try to remind myself that most ppl are actually yknow normal about sex unlike me LMAOFASJKFKJ

You Make My Dreams by Hall & Oats // literally any 80s song makes me so inexplicably happy and i Need to sing the lyrics aloud at the top of my lungs man

40. Which was the best concert you’ve ever been to?

i love ALL of the concerts ive been to but... half alive . half alive was SO FRICKEN COOL DAWGWGAOJIAWEAAEWR THE LIGHTS THE DANCING I CANT I CANNOT GET OVER IT IT WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE /SRS IT WAS INCREDIBLE OHMYOGDDD

52. Do you make playlists to be listened to in a specific order or in shuffle? Or both?

so i used to. hate shuffling. bc i am very very picky about the order of songs i listen to (like when i shuffle i will just . look at the queue and edit it intensely). so i used to make them for a specific order and actually one of my favourite things to do is figure out songs that transition super super nicely into each other oguhoguhgo so making a playlist that is perfect from start to finish is my dream... however rn i have such a big?? music taste??? that the playlists are so long and curating it to be the Perfect Experience would take too much time so now i just add shit and shuffle ofssdlkfd

58. Send me a song and I'll tell you the colors it made me think of, without looking at cover arts or music videos.

well that's just kinda unfair the word gold is literally in the title HELPPP but i picture the field that's in the music video (wait help "without looking at the music video" too late for that buddy it's engrained in my memory with how many times ive watched it), like that greenish colour that's what i think of yellowish green

but okay okay im turning it on now and the colours i get while listening to it is faded pastel yellow from the guitar intro, it turns more brownish orange in the verses, DEF a deep yellow/brown when the bass comes in

the chorus is green to me, the ooOooOOo is green and yellow to me

gosh i love golden hour

61. Make me choose between two artists/songs/albums.

ooohhh this one is hard bc like lovejoy has so much more stuff but wilbur soot changed my life

im choosing wilbur bc of since i saw vienna but do know that this hurt me asdjkfasdjkhf

[penpalslgbt]

Looking for e-mail or snailmail penpals ₍ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ₎ !!

Hiii. My name is Theo, but I prefer to be called Faust, and I'm looking forward to find people with the same interests as me, so that we can get to know eachother and end up exchanging snailmail.

A little bit about me:

✧I'm a 21 y/o bi transdude from LatinAmerica. I'm majoring in Translation and Interpretation, I can speak Spanish and English, and I'm learning Japanese and Portuguese. ✧I love classic literature, my favorite genre is nonfiction. I love poetry and plays, too. So, I have many, many works I'd love to discuss with other people !! ✧I like watching anime and reading manga. I'm very into the mecha genre. You can ask me more about this and maybe we can exchange recs !! I also like to play videogames. ✧I love bugs and arachnids<3 and any little critter. ✧I love found footage horror and gore. (Lots, lots of blood, body horror, and guts.) ✧I also listen to a lot of different music genres !! But my faves are goth rock and v-key.

I'm more of a listener than a talker, and kinda shy, so I may seem a bit akward at first but don't hesitate to talk to me even if we have different interests or hobbies !! I love learning about different people and their special interests and recent hyperfixations, and I warm up to people very easily, ((I reallyyy love talking to new ppl !!)). ^•ﻌ•^

You can message me on here or write me on gmail: ectoplasmicmushi@gmail.com Or on discord: mephistowaltzes

August 6, 2023

[kavehater]

I LOATHE when people be like we’re giving rep cause big bad company hoyoverse hates brown people but end up making alhaitham darker in complexion like BRUH there are a billion other characters who logically speaking ought to be darker, alhaitham is not one of them tf 😭 I literally want to make hoyo somehow make him whiter to spite all of these fools who don’t even know how Arabs look which is a key trend I’ve been noticing. Nothing grinds my gears more than ignorance that is just so widespread and DEFENDED like its fact … you all are insanely stupid istg 😭

If you want someone to be darker there are actually so many other characters who’s cultures they are based off of are predominantly darker one major example is nahida, another one nobody talks abt is kaveh like hellooo ??? 😭 I promise you no Persian is blond or that pale … sure they can be quite pale but not to this extent 😭 anyways I still love kaveh my cutie forreal 🤧 but yeah this pisses me off bc ppl trying to act in our favour for the sake of rep are actively erasing it and focusing on the wrong characters.

If you took two seconds to research what the fuck Arab ppl look like you’d know but again you all are fake activists who just wanna be mad for no reason 😭 anyways … if you DO want rep for alhaitham my biggest critique is his clothes. That’s it. The grey hair is silly but idk there’s charas with pink hair I think we’re fine 😭 but this issue cannot be resolved if every single artwork of alhaithams having his non canon clothes is a what I think is called a sherwani? I’m not too sure but it makes me so sad like yeah it looks super cool but he’s not from there … and the fact that those artworks majorly outnumber the Arab wear outfits ppl draw him in srsly makes me so sad.

Like in 2 years of his existence I have only seen like 3 designs where he’s actually wearing Arab clothing and every other design is not. Pissing me off fr i really think none of you guys know what Arabs look like OR wear and cannot be bothered to research even one second. It’s disrespectful bc you’re mashing two unique cultures and making it out to be a single culture. That’s so disrespectful to Arab and desi cultures and that is literally how orientalism starts out are you guys daft 💁‍♀️ like nahida would look so pretty in classic desi wear yet you focus on alhaitham 😭 what the heck.

I only have a gripe with this topic because I hate when people act like they know something and they don’t, and more so I hate it when people act like they know the truth and spread said falsehoods to everyone when they know nothing 🧍‍♀️I hate idiots and it’s genuinely like people are allergic to educating themselves.

[dojae-huh]

Hi Huh-nim! Hope you are doing well. I just wanna let you know that I 100% agree with what you said about dallas love field! I love his voice so much in it but I dont know much about singing so cant really say anything professional lol. I actually really dont like the title track, it sounds not as fresh to my ears and it sounds too much like the radwimps songs in Shinkai makoto's movies..

Seems like Doyoung improved with high notes, he supports them for longer, however, he maintains his other problems. Or so ppl on YT say.

Well, at this stage it is more important he can sing in a healthy way and maintain stability, I guess. He will sing for up to thee days in a row afterall, always live. I liked his approach of some singing parts to backtrack here and there, he smartly gave himself breaks during songs to regain his breath. And he doesn't pretend he sings them (as it is often is), he made them a part of the performance.

The people who evaluate idols on YT and other platforms do it out of interest (or as a means to keep their channel going, fan-pleasing ones, content-makers), and majority of them are weaker singers than Doyoung. Even if they have ears and can pinpoint where idols are lacking. It is easier than to be a pro oneself.

My point is. Doyoung is not a singing wonder, but he is very good for his field, he surprises professionals. And emotions, storytelling are more important than the range. Doyoung knows his voice best of all, he never tries to sing what he can't. If he is lacking, he practices to improve, make a step forward.

Anyhow. It is very easy to fall into a habit of singing in the same way, or staying in a comfort zone. Maybe it's Do's nature, maybe the experience of NCT and OSTs taught him he can do it, showed him it's fun, but Do goes for new sound and modulations. He keeps pelasantly surprising, keeps showing us his new sides.

I do like "Little Light", but it's not my favourite track on the album. Doyoung's voice does more than the instrumentals, he adds the spice. (And the lyrics are more important on band songs). The instrumentals are "safe and proven", there is no exeprimentation. "Safe" is pleasant but not very exciting. However, as I said before, Koreans in general are very conservative with what they like. Choosing a title track should be smart, it's a compromise between what you as an artist like and what the public will like. "Familiar" is liked better and quicker, that's what a new artist needs. Doyoung's goal was to make a song to fans, write a story, and it was easier to commission it from a nice people, who would get you, of same age. "Little light" is doing well in SK, promoting Do and "Youth".

Kenzie is considered a genius. She is interested in making new music, she knows Doyoung well. She is much more experienced and knowledgeable than the Lucy's composer as well. Many idols suffer from being pushed to sing high, out of their range even, the songs are written in high key. However, Kenzie didn't do it. I wonder if intentionally.

(I really like "From Little LIght". It is a typical band song as well, but sounds both old and classic, and fresh).

[multiocblog]

Human!DiaLovers Au P1 The Triplets

Laito

Past t r a u m a

Mother was a major whore

Depressed (but like all men, he hides it well, even his brothers have little to no idea)

Sex addict (goes a night club every night, waiting for some sorry girl to fall for him; brothers don't know about it)

Can secretly play the piano

Hot and he knows it all too well

The classic "pretty boy"

Big bro Laito ™

Can sing pretty well

Laito is just chilling on TikTok & Instagram but bc he has more followers than Kou, Kou thinks he's in competition with him

^^^^ So Laito just decides to play along anyway

The "amazing ppl of the internet" like to draw ship art with Kou & Laito

Laito doesn't mind, in fact everytime he sees the art he sends it to Kou to annoy him

Has a bad habit of stalking girls on Instagram even without realizing he does it

Can speak French and some other languages too

Low key coffee obsessed

^^^ he goes to the coffee shop all the time with his brothers

Even though he's not famous, ppl (girls) always come up and ask to take of picture of him (bc, he's so pretty)

Low key kinda lonely and yearns to meet a girl who can understand him

^^^^ legit this boy just wants to be understood, pls help him

Has a whole ass fedora collection

Likes to pretend to simp over Kou in the Instagram comment section to feed the fangirls bc it amuses him

High key kinda loves himself eyes and can catch himself looking in the mirror for too long

^^^^ he gets embarrassed when he does even though no one is around

Loves to sit in silence

Crossword puzzles are his favorite pass time

He'll listen to various different genres of music sometimes when he's in public and doesn't want to interact with ppl

Will take early morning walks

Loves to tease Kanato & Ayatos female friends

Ayato

Constantly trying to forget his past

Insecure but acts like he's the prettiest in the room

Very friendly/has many friends (both male & female)

Top player on his basketball team

Can see right through Laitos facade and doesn't ask questions, just tries to comfort him

^^^^ Tries to make him forget about his worries by making him laugh

Absolute sunshine boy

Overprotective ™ of friends and family alike

Thinks he always has to be the shining star/shoulder to cry on in everyone's life

^^^ bc of that he doesn't get to vent much/he doesn't want ppl to worry about him

Always flirting with the ladies

Streams video games with Kou & Kino all the time

Actually very popular on Twitch

Tries to become an Insta star but ends up just embarrassing himself so he only uses social media to connect with his half brothers (his account is forever a private one)

Likes to pop in on Kanato when he's live stream singing just to be the annoying brother he is

Kanato always gets mad at him for it

Wears a black hoodie all the time bc as I said he's insecure

Has a secret shitpost account on Instagram full of nothing but memes and shitposts

Laito found the account and followed it

Ayato low key kinda jealous of the attention Laito gets with his looks

^^^ but he tries to ignore the feeling in public

^^^ beats himself up over it when he's alone

Kanato

Sings on Twitch all the time

Popular on YouTube for song covers

Can play the guitar

People keep assuming he's 10-14/still in middle school (even though he just got out of high school)

Obsessed with purple

Still sleeps with stuffed animals bc they are his comfort zone

Doesn't talk much around strangers

Wants to help his brothers emotionally but doesn't know how

Soft boy aesthetic

His room is very aesthetic (color changing lights along his ceiling, & purple cloud lights etc.)

Loves cozy winter sweaters all year long

Ironically not shy around girls (he only is when his brothers are around, teasing him)

Many female friends

Wears one black earring on his right ear bc he's cool like that

Wears rings too

Kinda like a soft alt boy???

Tries to make jokes but fails miserably

Comes onto Twitch to play games w/ Ayato sometimes

He once sang an original song with Laito playing the piano as his background music

^^^^^ it was a lullaby

^^^^ The majority of the comments on that video were 50% "I listen to this before I sleep all the time now" 48% "oml who's the guy playing the piano he's hot" And 2% "Your voice is so soothing"

Is the only one who knows exactly what happened between Laito and their mother bc he walked in on them once but he never says anything about it

Ayato found out that Kanato knows something and gets mad at Laito bc Laito still refuses to talk about it with him

People keep thinking he's dyed his hair when he has said countless times that it's his natural color

[blxetsi]

modern eren jaeger dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!eren jaeger x gn!reader

warnings: mentions of p*rnhub

- firstly, this man is CONVINCED it was love at first sight (he ALWAYS tells you this too)

- "babe when i met you i just KNEW you were gonna be mine" "no you didnt" "yes i did- hey dont stop holding me 😣"

- you guys met because you were tutoring him. (he was failing history 😔💔)

- after weeks of shy touches and shared giggles he FINALLY brought his grade up and didnt need you anymore

- that didnt mean he didnt want you tho ;)

- asked you out on a date (and by that i mean to a party smh 🙄)

- and the rest is history 😌✨

- hes the kind of guy that flirts with you even though youre together

- "so uh,, you come here often 😏"

- "eren youre in my apartment 😐"

- he tries to invite you everywhere that he goes with his friends

- like,,, EVERYWHERE

- jean and reiner wanna organize a boys night ? hes pulling out his phone getting ready to text you and saying "oh is it okay if y/n comes ? i didnt get to see them much this week i miss them 🥺" like mf this is for The Boyz 😡😤🥶🥵🔥‼️

- youre weirdly close with sasha, shes just really cool

- eren will call you at the most inconvenient times for the stupidest reasons

- one time he called you while you were doing an INTERVIEW for work and you wanna know what he called you for ? to tell you he bought a bunch of silly string to use on jean.

- bitch im trying to get PAID. rn . trying to make a LIVING. so i dont end up below the POVERTY LINE. tell me about ur silly string after i secure the bag 🙄‼️

- is very touchy. like very touchy.

- but also respects bounderies

- hes NEVER mad when you have something to say about him or your relationship together

- you dont feel comfortable with the pda ?? He Wont do it Again

- you think you two could work on communicating better with each other ?? hes already googling ways to do that

- he cares and cherishes you and the bond you two have created together, hes not gonna try and ruin that

- is a fucking lightweight. dont go with him to parties.

- but if you asked him to hold his drink he will NOT forget about it.

- a couple times he broke the plastic cup he was gripping it so hard 🤩

- is also the type of guy to just protect others ?? like for no reason

- he sees a guy trying to get close to a girl who had made it abundantly clear that she didnt want that ?? hes going over there and playing bf to protect that stranger

- he can thank first year drama class for his superb acting skills 😌✨

- will literally help anyone he sees in a bind

- also his brother is weirdly cool ??

- his parents live far away but his brother only lives like,, 40 minutes away from the university

- hes like an older brother to everyone 🤩

- if you like reading classic literature zeke is your guy to talk to. has so many ideas and opinions on those stories and stuff, and will NOT hesitate to lend you a book of his

- eren has led lights in his room. he ALWAYS has them on the colour red

- he doesnt understand why ppl think hes horny bc of the red lights ?? his eyes just adjust better to the red lights compared to the blue 😔

- he has stretch marks all over his body 🤩 like on his biceps, tummy, back, thighs, etc. etc. doesnt really think about them anymore but he used to be SO self conscious of them in highschool. he saw berty (bertholdt) with his shirt off once during his freshman year and saw how he had stretch marks too, and immediately thought they were cool

- he likes to play with your hair and scratch your scalp, but he likes it when you braid his hair because he thinks it makes him look pretty

- will get you weird things because they remind him of you

- one time he came to pick you up for your date and before you could even KISS HIM hes pushing you away and pulling out a tiny ceramic frog 😐

- "no you dont understand zeke took me to a thrift store today and i found this and it reminded me of you-" "i look like a frog to you ? is that what youre saying ?" "NO ! its just so cute, and youre so cute so i had to get it. do you like it 😊"

- doesnt like most meats, his only exceptions are chicken,

- thats it 😐

- you guys were having a picnic and you made sandwichs (with the sliced turkey meat) and he took one bite out of it, looked you in your face, and spit it back into the baggy without breaking eye contact

- likes just laying in bed with you. has a playlist of songs like arctic monkeys and shit like that, just sitting in the dark with a song on low volume, whispering whatever he wants into your ear is like,, the DEFINITION of love in his book

- also can and will recite lines from shakespeare plays to you ?? will be at the most randomest times. you could be sweeping and he'd just wrap his arms around you before whispering "two households, both alike in dignity. in fair verona where we lay our scene. from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean."

- okay mf this isnt english class 😐‼️ but thank you 😁👍

- will always try and do new tiktok trends and make funny videos so he can "blow up"

- he gets on average like 20 views 🤩

- he likes seeing you and his friends get along, it just makes him so happy that you love mikasa and armin just as much as he does, and hes so thankful that youre all friends

- likes to help you reach whatever you cant, and if youre taller (even by an inch) hes making you grab things for him

- he doesnt have a major yet, and he doesnt really know what he wants to do with his life, but being a hairstylist sounds cool

- whenever youre having a bad day mentally, he'll just give you your space unless you say otherwise

- he doesnt know if its the best idea, but he knows when he gets into a bad headspace he wants to be alone

- if you do say you want him with you, he'll lie right beside you in bed and spoon you, and if you want he'll put on the arctic monkeys playlist and whisper about the project he worked on for his business class

- he doesnt like sharing, BUT will steal your shit all the time 🙄

- "oh hey heres that thing i borrowed from you" "oh my fucking god eren i thought i lost that months ago"

- may not understand everything he learns in class, but he always tries bc this is his education !! his parents saved up a lot of money for him to be able to go to university !! hes gonna try his best to make the most of this

- i feel like he would play baseball at university. he asks that u wear his jersey to every game so "everyone knows that the most beautiful person attending this educational establishment is MINE" like,, k ill wear the jersey 🙄🤚

- has a list of the best websites to use to illegally stream movies, anime etc.

NSFW ! -------

- also hates pornhub. knows about all the controversies and shit about the website and doesnt use it. supports smaller porn companies that respect their workers 😁👍

- his parents love you. Im Serious

- carla asks about you all the time (hey mommy 😏) and his dad wonders about you too even though hes more lowkey about it

- always has to open the door for you or pull out your chair for you. no matter what setting youre in he Has to do it bc hes a gentleman

- bohemian rhapsody is his comfort film

- i think eren thinks that Youre the One for him, and this idea is solidified when you two graduate together 😍

- he takes you back to the library where he first met you, gives you a promise ring and just asks you to move in with him, hes not ready for an engagement and he knows you arent either, but he knows that youre it for him, and he just wants to be with you for as long as youll allow it

GAH this felt all over the place and very mediocre but i hope you enjoyed !!! remember asks are open so feel free to request something 🤩

[clownmoontoon]

Recently found your blog so I was wondering, thoughts on the Animaniacs reboot?

AAAA OMG WELCOME!!! HOPE UR ENJOYIN IT SO FAR \OUO/!!!

i LOVE this question and i have sO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE REBOOT so ima try to break it down into my likes, dislikes, and hit or miss (things i liked some of the time but not all the time)

🌈  10 things i liked!!!!! 🌈 <-- in no particular order

1. THE THEME SONG REWRITE!!!! ITS GREAT!!! og series callbacks, DELIGHTFULLY MORE INCLUSIVE, all those unnecessary side characters cut out, no weird celebrity references JUST RLLY WELL DONE and im glad they just redid the old one instead of making a brand new one ITS A CLASSIC!! plus this way u rlly notice those differences and how great they are

2. SPEAKING OF nO BORING SIDE CHARAS... YEAH!! THAT!! perhaps an unpopular opinion but ive never been a fan of the side characters and watched the og show p much exclusively for the warners so i LOVE that its mostly about them now!! (( i do miss the mime tho but they shoulda been nicer to him u_u ))

3. also like the theme song: MUCH LESS CELEBRITY CAMEOS/REFERENCES there are still a few but i feel like they were WAY more abundant in the og series and im rlly glad they calmed down w that, its actually Not That Fun to try and spot all the celebrities 

4. mORE “IRL”/TIME IN THE TOWER!!! while there are some shorts where the warners are “acting” (gold meddlers, warners unbound etc) the VAST MAJORITY(19) of the 26 warner shorts take place “irl”!! WE GET TO SEE THEM IN THE TOWER SO MUCH!! eating together, shopping together, TRICK OR TREATING TOGETHER!!! and i just LOVE this stuff its sO GOOD FOR CHARACTER BUILDING!! 

5. DIVERSITY!!!! EVEN THE BG CHARACTERS!! EVEN IN BODY TYPE!!! no more fatness only as a joke and hotness as the only other option for women, PPL ARE AVERAGE AND I LOVE IT

6. OVERALL CONSISTENT QUALITY!!! THE ANIMATION IS REALLY INCREDIBLE AND BEAUTIFUL TO WATCH!!! that was one of the BIGGEST flaws of the og series, so many eps were animated poorly bc they were handed off to studios that rlly didnt know how to draw the warners so its HELLA to see them beautifully animated in EVERY ep of the reboot so far

^^ animation by @/lemurasart on twitter!! 

7. nO HORNY JOKES...POSSIBLY ANOTHER UNPOPULAR OPINION?? bUT I NEVER RLLY LIKED ALL THESE HORNY JOKES GIVEN TO KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE LKDKD its actually rlly neat to see how creative the writing gets when they cant just horny joke their way out of a situation ALSO THIS BIT WAS AMAZING 

8. I RLLY LOVE THAT THE CEO DOESNT HATE THEM!!!!! it was so frustrating in the og series that the ceo wouldnt even hear them out EVEN WHEN IT WAS STUFF THAT WOULD BENEFIT HIM its nice that this lady is insane AND greedy aND YET ISNT REALLY MALICIOUS TOWARDS THE WARNERS AT ALL at least not any more than she is to anybody else ITS REFRESHING!! I LIKE NORITA

9. ANIME-NIACS!!!!! thATS ALL I GOTTA SAY ABOUT THAT LDJLKD

10. FANGIES!!!!!!!!! they always had fangy energy im so glad it finally manifested...

⭐ 4 things i didnt like ⭐  i was gonna make this a top 10 list but i couldnt think of 10 things i didnt like djkldkljd

1. THE REDESIGN.... yes i know i was just celebrating the fangs bUT other than that i rlly wasnt a fan of the redesign.. its just too ...animal?? the triangle noses and changing their white faces to beige just seemed rlly unnecessary imo..

aLSO THEY LOST THEIR CLOWNINESS!!! ;;;;; i miss that clown aesthetic... big round red noses, white faces.. also i loved it when characters would try to describe them and say things like THEY HAVE FACES LIKE A CREEPY CLOWN dLdlkjdJLK

im not sure why they couldnt at least stay w the white n black like the old cartoons theyre based on??? THERES EVEN A SONG IN THE REBOOT THAT SAYS “LIKE US, ITS BLACK AND WHITE” bUT... THEYRE NOT BLACK N WHITE ANYMORE LDKKDJ 

also the redesign is a lot more angular/less round than the original and i jus prefer the sof..

i miss this ;n;

2. GROSS OUT HUMOR  ..LIKE HONESTLY WTF LDLJKLJKDD theres not too much of it thankfully but the og series had like.. nONE so it was a shock when theyd suddenly zoom in on marie antoinette’s finger and it was LIKE THAT and the pigeon scene at the end of “the cutening” actually made me feel sick sdjkdjk JUST IN GENERAL IM NOT A FAN OF GROSS OUT HUMOR SO .. EUUGHGH 

3. those random new shorts that are like???? whyd u get rid of the side characters if ur gonna have these guys anyway?? the gnome in ppls mouths and the alien guy?? neither were funny to me and again the gnome short was mostly gross 

4. YAKKO CANT DO MATH?? YAKKO DOESNT KNOW WHAT PLEBIAN MEANS??? HELLO?? HE HAS A VERY COMPLICATED SONG WHERE HE BREAKS DOWN MULTIPLICATION AND ANOTHER WHERE HE SINGS EVERY WORD IN THE DICTIONARY!! hES SO SMART LET HIM BE SMART hES A HUGE NERD PLS...

💣 HIT OR MISS 💣 

THE SONGS!!! while i love that they brought back the musical aspect of the show (its rlly not animaniacs without singing tbh) the songs were sUPER VARIED IN QUALITY IMO 

the reboot song? AMAZING

the song about dot’s zit??? ... no..

🌈  OVERALL I HAVE A LOT MORE POSITIVE TO SAY ABOUT THE SHOW THAN NEGATIVE AND IF ANYBODY ASKS I ALWAYS SAY I LOVED IT!!! 🌈

IS IT PERFECT? NAH

IS IT FUNNY AND FUN AND IN GENERAL A SHOW THAT MAKES ME AS HAPPY AS THE OG SERIES DID? ABSOLUTELY 100%!!! 

✨ GO WATCH IT!!! ✨

(( ironically this scene RIGHT BEFORE THE PIGEON SCENE is one of my absolute faves DLKLKJDJKD ))

[meatmandean]

The worst thing about the argument of dean being straight because “a few times he says he doesn’t swing that way” when clearly deflecting (non sexual, non romantic, if not outright violent) attention from men is he does similar things to women in similar situations? Obviously he never says “I don’t go for women” but he says something similar (though about n*croph*lia) when lady vampires get too close for comfort.

I could be wrong, but I think every time men express genuine-seeming, non threatening interest in him, he’s generally pretty close to reciprocal? Like he gets awkward around Aaron when he thinks Aaron’s into him in a way that’s really easy to read as “interested but wrong-footed” and also allows for straight audience members to just write him off as uncomfortable with the prospect of a guy liking him

Like I can’t think of any genuine evidence that dean isn’t bi because every instance I can think of is very clearly dean falling back on his classic but obviously performative macho action hero persona—“you clearly want to kill me, but I’m going to insinuate you want to sleep with me to throw you off your rhythm”. There’s the exchange from season 2, I guess, but I read that more like, “why do all these people assume we [two brothers] are gay [in a relationship together]” at which point Sam immediately turns it back on him, insinuating dean is immediately identifiable as not straight because he puts on airs the show has already acknowledged are a pretense—something that genuinely upsets Dean, even though he does the reverse to Sam quite a bit and Sam never cares

HOW can people be so emphatically convinced dean is straight I don’t get it. This isn’t even to mention the fact that hes had 3 major male love interests (a similar amount to major female love interests hes had, depending on how you personally class certain characters, almost certainly more) arguably many other smaller ones besides including one that lasted over ten years and saw him raising a child with the guy

they’ve written him in such a fascinating way where his “straight proof” is easily able to be written off by ppl who interpret him as bi and his “bi proof” is easily able to be written off by ppl who interpret him as straight. they’ve done such a masterful job walking that tightrope. (the same can be said about how theyve written destiel)

[gabrielitas]

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

[bi-dazai]

honestly i think i have a weird anger or cultural confusion where other gay and trans ppl are like much happier and comfortable to come out and shit and be open, but I've always had an extremely complicated relationship with it because it's always made me feel so isolated and lonely, even with other gay ppl around. and younger ppl especially will like go around coming out so frequently and meanwhile if I'm going to even tell you that I'm attracted to women I have to trust you 110% and that isn't something that comes easy.

I'm terrified of like. Wearing even rainbow goddamn socks because I'm scared shitless of getting bullied, or harassed, or even assaulted. Which is ironic considering I try to be quite fashionable in public but with being openly bi (let alone being openly TRANS) it's a complete no-no.

Like I think as much as I love being bi and nb at the same time I still despise it, I still think it's ruined my life. I have gender dysphoria about my chest whereas if I was cis I would be so happy with how feminine my body is. My first ever relationship with another girl at the moment being cut short by abusive homophobia fucked me up in innumerous ways, leading me to like...severe issues with the way i feel about sex and emotional attachment and touch.

And ofc there's the homophobia, like at this moment I'm probably leaning towards getting a fuckbuddy or smth over tinder but like a romantic relationship with another person is terrifying, like I'm insanely private w relationships even w men, I won't let us hold hands if I think too many people might see bc i have this stupid complex

There's more and more but my relationship with being Out is one where it's something that I simultaneously desire and despise, being Out is one of the most terrifying concepts I can think of and to me having someone refer to me as "they" and not as a woman is simply not as important as being safe, as not living in even more fear of assault.

And then all around me ppl my age (although usually younger) are all coming out to anyone and everyone like it's just casual, saying their pronouns like it's nothing. And first it's disbelief and shock because holy fuck, has everyone gone fucking mad?? Are we all so fucking stupid that we just forget the everloving fear homophobia strikes into you?? And then it's the jealousy, that these people have this comfortable relationship with their own gay/transness and enough trust to actually open up and tell a room full of strangers "please call me they not she". It's disappointment and anger in myself that almost 7 years after forcing myself to whisper "I'm bisexual" to the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night and then cry my eyes out because it felt like I'd been cursed, and probably over a decade since I'd started having sexual feelings about all genders, and an entire lifetime of having feelings for men women and others, after so long I'm still just a coward who sits and hates it all, who fears it all.

But then recently I've come to the realisation that the way I realised I was gay was a way that's kind of...dying out. That being the mostly offline way.

Don't take this the wrong way but I've found a lot of people go online and find this overwhelming amount of support and representation for gay and trans identity. You can argue validly this statement, but the context I use this in is comparing it to like. 2013. People were way less online. Being an online celebrity was a novelty.

At school there were dyke, faggot, tranny, etc, thrown around as if they were confetti. Jokes about "lesbos" and "lesbihonest" humiliated any girl who was too close to another girl. I grew up not just in Brisbane Queensland but in a town that was connected to the mainland only by two bridges - a landbridge and a humanmade bridge. The school was overwhelmingly anglo. Overwhelmingly right wing.

I realised I was bi with minimal help from Tumblr. I realised I was bi because I fell, hard, for my best friend. And then she liked me back, and our relationship was amazing. But the school found out. We held hands under the table, we found a quiet moment to kiss and everyone pointed and stared. We made out in the shadow of a building and turned to find twenty people watching gawkeyed, pointing, fascinated.

The entire time her mum was abusive, and massively homophobic. She blamed me for turning her daughter gay. She forced us multiple times to break up at the threat of violence. Eventually we did. We never talked about it. Our friendship never returned like it used to. It was awkward, tinged with sadness, regret, yearning and young love cut short.

It was traumatic, to say the least.

Tumblr in 2014, despite the cringe screenshots, wasn't actually mostly about LGBT positivity or whatever. I first saw the term bisexual on, if you can believe me, a quotev story in 2011 about a cheerleader and an emo girl who get together in a secret relationship. You were either gay or straight, or you had an exception. Bisexual felt right, though, for me, felt accurate, was accurate.

It was years of confusion and secrecy and guilt, peeks at other girls in the changing room that I couldn't help and I didn't understand why. Then it was months and months of anger and frustration at myself that I was feeling this way and confused about myself, and then when I said those words it felt like I was being torn apart. It felt like my life had fallen apart. I cried every goddamn night, I felt awful all the time.

At school the kids noticed. They noticed before I started dating my friend, they noticed the way I looked at her and they interrogated me about it. I'd claim up and down I had a crush on another boy - true perhaps, but it was a passing interest - and then they said they told him and analysed how I reacted. And then the interrogations continued for months because the gay girl was entertainment for them. Around me, as I walked between classes, had lunch, walked home, dyke dyke dyke faggot hahaha.

And then the relationship happened and then leelah alcorn happened and I learned what a trans person is. And sometime when I was fifteen I saw nonbinary begin to pop up, terms like genderfluid and nonbinary and they rang true like bisexual did, but the last time I went down a rabbit hole like that it ended in trauma, and another person got hurt. I didn't throw homophobia at her, but I felt and still feel responsible for it. I didn't turn her gay, but I made it obvious. I don't quite know how to say it.

I knew I was nonbinary, deep down. One day I decided to add that to my tumblr bio. Nobody gave a shit, just like nobody gave a shit when I said I was bi. But that was because I wasn't open about it even online. I couldn't talk about that stuff or I'd curse myself.

Time went on, I got more comfortable, collected fresh new traumas. My brother came out as trans. Around me, friends came out as gay and trans. But they kept coming out. They didn't stop at close friends and trusted family, they told teachers, their entire class. I didn't understand. Why the fuck would you put yourself at risk like that?? And I still don't. I said it was jealousy and anger at myself before, and maybe it is still a little bit, but now, it's just concern.

As I said, the way I realised I was gay is the rather old fashioned way - offline, through trauma, and almost entirely unenjoyable and traumatic. A lot of kids still go through that for sure. But the ones I see telling everyone over that they're gay or trans are, in my experience, not those ones. As the internet began to become more of a general use thing and less of a "only recluse weirdos" space, the online LGBT safe space began to expand into an audience bigger than before. Online, you were safe. Nobody knew your name, you were behind a screen. Homophobia was veiled, you could just delete a hateful anon, could just log off. You could put up your pronouns and people would use them because, well, ppl didn't really have any other identifier someone might use for your gender. So this positive uplifting atmosphere spawned for the most part. And instead of learning through confusion and rare chance encounters with random words and crying into the sink every night that you're gay, you much easier come across this content that tells you indepth what this is and that it's okay. And you think, well wow, that's me, and then...you know, I guess. Not denying there's some of the classic self hatred etc but...you have this safe space online to fall back on, and I cannot emphasise how much that has pushed the acceptance and widespread knowledge of lgbt people in the past 5 years. I didn't exactly have that space, and my realisation was through mostly real life channels, which were swamped at all sides by homophobia, at worst, abusive, at kindest, it would treat you like a sideshow attraction.

Being someone who arguably isn't old enough to brush this difference away with being an "older gay" but still having had a gay experience quite different to the majority in my generation (applying this to area as well) I have to say I'm confronted with this comfortableness other days have a lot and it's always jarring. I think also that while it's important and I'm happy that "younger" gays and transes have at least one good support network/space to fall back onto online, I do think it creates this kind of...dangerous other side, especially for those who go to schools that are LGBT positive and have families who are also friendly to that sort of stuff. I find that young gay teens are totally unprepared and unhardened for the fact that most people you run into in real life despise your guts for existing as who you are. And while we can make as many soppy gay narratives as possible about being honest about who you are and losing shame, we need to face the fact and teach young lgbt kids that being Out isn't just something you do as a ritual in being gay or trans, it's a brave thing and it's completely optional. And furthermore, most importantly, it's insanely dangerous.

I don't think that teenage, raw fear of the consequences of even the very concept of being Out has ever left me. Perhaps I have to thank the homophobic 14 yr olds who swamped me in slurs and trauma, because it's given me a survival sense that's kept me closeted so far you'd never get in.

But occasionally I'm tempted, particularly with my transness which I am only out to perhaps 3 people about, to venture into the world of telling people about yourself. I started a new uni semester and in a tutorial, the teacher handed out cards. We were to use it as a placard to write our names on it so the teacher would learn our names over the next few classes. And, if we chose...our pronouns.

I stared at that card for what felt like a million years. This has always been an ordeal. People don't know how to pronounce my name, even though it's a rather simple one. But pronouns? I'd never really told anyone those. Online, yes, and once when I was asked by a friend i was brave enough to say "any will do" but this - this wasn't the curated safe online space, this wasn't a one-time phrase to a friend. This was an open, permanent thing that would sit below me every class, declaring me to 18 other people. I wrote down "NATALYA", then beneath "she/". And then I stared some more. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was the biggest fool, because before I could stop myself I wrote "she/they". No "he", not yet. But...it was there.

At the end of the class the teacher collected the placards. I wanted to run back screaming, wanted to ask her for a new card so I could be safe again. But I didn't because I would look like a freak and a coward.

I still think it's stupid. I still think I've put some petty gesture that no one will ever respect (if they can call you she they won't ever call you they) above my own safety. The thing that really struck me was that it didn't feel good. The reason I wrote it like that, I believe in hindsight, is that I was curious what those other kids feel like, because it must feel good to declare that you're a tr*nny d*ke in front of the entire class, good enough to beat the stomach-lurching dread that precedes such an action. But it didn't. It just felt like an unnecessary risk. And it made me feel worse, like there was a target on the back of my head.

I think I could talk about this forever, about how so many kids believe coming out is this thing you're required to do to be a good gay, but it's not. It's stupid stupid reckless, and in my case it ends with you getting fucked over.

But Ive written for ages and gotten prosaic halfway through so I'm gonna shut up. Basically why the fuck do you guys come out to everyone like please stay safe instead of this it isn't worth it.

[freakygirlie]

Walker- 1x04 ~spoilers~

I know i’ve said this a dozen times...but Walker just keeps getting better and better and better! With every. single. episode. I loved everything about this episode so much and again! Jared live-tweeting it was the best!!! I watched this episode at 3 am lats night again help.

~spoilers~ last warning!!!

OK SO CRDIREZ BEAUTY EPISODE!!! YES! I loved loved loved loved the development of their friendship in this episode SO MUCH! 

First scene Cordirez and them badass rangers catching bad guys together YES!!! Walker trying to find out Micki’s middle name is so cute pls. 

I really enjoyed the case they worked here as well. It was both deep and emotional and that twist! YEPPPP SIGN ME UP.

THE BAR SCENE WITH WALKER AND MICKI. AGAIN THEIR FRIENDSHIP! The episode title fit so well here and I’m glad Micki and Walker have really reached a good understanding on a friend and partner level. THEY\RE THE CUTEST PLEASE I LOVE THEM. 

‘‘walker where’s my drink’‘ ok every word micki and cordell exchanged with each other was the best??? 

WALKER AND HIS KIDS AND BROTHER UNPACKING TOGETHER!!! I asolutely adore their relatioship. AUGUST IN THAT BLUE HAIR AND SUNGLASSES DHJHHF AUGUST I FUCKING LOVE YOU CAN I ADOPT YOU.

I really adored the tiny exchange between Stella and Walker. Speaks volumes of how much they’ve progressed since the pilot. Walker and Stella’s dynamic I ADORE so seeing them at really good terms is just beautiful.

Annnddd now August is being the rebellious kid. 

I’m glad they brought up Belle’s case here as well bc i thought they’d completely overshadowed it. STELLA AND BELLE ARE SO CUTE! I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM

OK NOW IK I SHIP CORDIREZ TOO BUT I SHIP TRICKI TOO. GOD.

They are so so so CUTE WITH EACH OTHER AND TREY IS JUST THE BEST I LOVE HIMMMM. 

Micki is such an epic artist??? HOLY SHIT GIRL HOW MUCH TALENT DO YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN THERE.

Micki and Walker working the case ‘off the books’! YES PARTNERS IN CRIME. or well soving crime. i didn’t like monty shaw too much anyways...idk bad vibes. WALKER DEFENDING MICKI AND SAYING SHE CAN FEND FOR HERSELF. I COMBUSTED.

THE CORPSE LADY WAS THE SAME ONE FROM SUPERNATURAL’S NIGHTMARE 1X14. HOLY SHIT.

*sigh* The Harlan Family. Classic Rich People.

‘‘can we keep this one off the books’‘ ‘‘OFF THE BOOKS???’‘ ‘‘are you kidding me off the books is my middle name. Just kidding it’s Beauregard what’s yours’‘ HHAHAH NICE TRY WALKER I LAUGHED SO HARD THEY’RE ADORABLE.

Cordell Beauregard Walker- such a fucking handful!

THE INTERROGATION SCENE. WHEN THAT GIRL WINKED AT WALKER AND HE JUST FLINCHED AND TURNED AROUND LMAO. WALKER WHAT HAVENT U HAD PPL HIT ON U BEFORE.

‘‘You got it ranger rick!’‘ PLSJJCDDFJFD. ‘‘that was so satisfying’‘ same micki same.

‘MICHELLE FLORIANA’‘ WOW??? I LOVE IT.

ALSO MUSKRAT! ADORABLE SO ADORABLE I WANT CORDELL TO CALL MICKI MUSKRAT ALL THE DAMN TIME.

‘‘on a scale from micki to muskrat where am i’‘ ‘‘floriana’‘ THAT LOOK THO.  HSHSHSHS DONT WORRY WALKER YOU’LL GET THERE.

-I love how this show is really taking the time to address the difficulties someone like Micki- A Female Latina would go through- the sexism, blatant disrespect and disregard. Micki’s character is also something that’s very well written and acted(Lindsey ily) and portrayed extremely well. One of my favorite things about Walker is how he really trusts Micki, views her as an equal, and wants to earn her trust, not demand it. It’s perfect(cordirez breakdown time). Micki is also slowly letting her fences down around him and it’s a huge and very delightful to see step. I love and adore their friendship and chemistry so much. 

MICKI SPEAKING IN SPANISH IS AN OFFICIAL TURN ON FOR ME BYE.

ALL OF THEM SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!! NOT JUST CORDIREZ BUT TREY TOO! WALKER AND TREY MEETING TOGETHER WHEN.

Trey is such an amazing boyfriend truly! THE TOWEL ON HIS SHOULDERS DJSFDJFD AND AH THE COMIC MICKI DREW??/ ADORABLE. Also love how encouraging and supportive Trey is. The men in this show are the best.

LIAM AND WALKER SCENE. I love their dynamic too and i wanna see moreee. Also more micki and liam scenes yes please.

‘‘thanks brother very supportive’‘ i sobbed when he called him brother. i just. *screams*

Ok so Abby and Bonham really had a bad falling out huh. Abby was in an affair with someone who still misses her??? Damn, can’t wait to see how this one progresses. ALSO WALKER FINDING THAT LETTER FROM GARY TO ABBY IN THE BASEMENT I FREAKEDDD,

THE ADDRESS. ON THE LETTER. IS THE SAME. AS THE LOCATION. OF JENSEN’S BREWERY. THE SAME BREWERY. WHO’S FIRST KEG OF BEER. WAS GIVEN TO JARED. BY JENSEN. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. HELP. HELP. HELP. NOT ME HAVING A J2 BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDST OF A WALKER EP AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING.

Aight so August and Ruby is a biG NO OK. Like idk idk idk just idk.

WALKER HAD AN AFFAIR(after emily so ok but still) WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE UNDERCOVER??? WAS IT JUST UNDERCOVER OR REAL??? I NEED ANSWERS STAT.

THE PHONE THAT WALKER HAD. ONE OF THE CONTACTS WAS WINCHESTER AUTO. W I N C H E S T E R  A U T O. Jensen coming to the show owning this shop and Walker going to him to get his car fixed when Jared Padalecki.

MICKI AND CORDELL(AND TREY!) SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!!

‘‘micki gives a play by play of the security footage’‘ ‘‘we’re watching the same thing micki’‘ *bitchface* PLS I LOVE THEM.

Holy shit Mrs. Harlan having an affair with Monty??? ENZO BEING BOB’S SON??? HOT DAMN THE CASE CONTINUES. Again. LOVE THE WORK/FAMILY BALANCE.

OK OK SO THE SCENE IN WHICH MICKI AND WALKER CONFRONT SHAW AND THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER BEFORE MICKI GETS IN THE CAR WITH SHAW WHEN THE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!!! YES. YES. MY SOULFOOD.

I loved the way they worked it out. Phonecall, recording everything, THEM PARTNERING AND WORKING IT OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY I NEED SO MANY MORE CORDIREZ CENTRIC EPS YALL DONT EVEN KNOW.

‘‘walker! bulldog it!!’‘ HSHJDSHDSJ YES.

PLS I SCREAMED WHEN SHAW PULLED THE GUN ON MICKI.

BUT SHE IS SUCH A FUCKING QUEEN BADASS I LOVE HER.

Success!!!! The Micki and Walker and Larry scene at the end was so cute! I like how they’re actually invested in their jobs and want to do good it’s so heartwarming.

WALKER CALLING TREY TO FIND OUT MICKI’S FAV THINGS!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Also I genuinely love that Trey wasn’t weirded out by it or jealous or anything.  Can’t wait to see them interact I NEED IT!.

‘‘thanks for believing in me’‘ ‘‘i didnt. i trusted you.’’ HELP STOP MY FEELS.

‘‘thanks beau’‘ don’t mention it flor’‘ I DIED I DIED I DIED. MICKI AND WALKER I LOVE YOU. JKSJD MICKI WARMING UP TO THE MIDDLE NAME. THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST.

That last scene with Walker and his mom was so touching. Walker’s relationship with his parents is so sweet. His mom hugging him and comforting him when Walker said he missed emily so much *cries* I just wanna hold him please. 

August being worried for his father’s happiness I JUST. YOU SWEET BOY. I really think messaging Twyla was a baaaaddd move though.

WALKER AND AUGUST SELFIE. The way Walker so easily just picked his son and brought him to him, made him family photographer and that scene. THE BEST. 

I genuinely don’t think anything happened between Twyla and Walker. But we’ll have to see.

oKAY SO. Captain James??? It’s just an on and off thing. Do I trust him? Do i don’t? Why did he take those surveillance vids out??? I trust Liam with it and i’m glad he’s looking into it and all. Hopefully it doesn’t backfire badly. I have a very bad feeling that James had something to do with Emily’s death.

THAT STELLA AND BELLE INTERACTION. SO CUTE. Stella giving that jar of jame to try and make up and Belle being all cute and funny I love them. For a sec i was so scared Belle might yell at her but I’m very happy to see that they’re going strong despite all the circumstances- Belle’s parent’s deportation.

ALSO TREVOR IS SO HOT??? I like him and Stella they’re cute. Stella so obviously has a huge crush on him and they ride horses so well together. HHAHAHAH THAT DANCE STELLA DID WHEN HE FOLLOWED HER ON INSTA. SO RELATABLE.

The last Tricki scene mY HEART. ‘’you wanted a hero so you drew one. then you became one’’ Micki is going to be such an inspiration I love her. And the way they interacted, Trey getting a job!!! And Micki’s excitement, THEIR HUG!!! ‘’hugging is one of my superpowers’’ TREY BARNETT I LOVE YOU.

THAT LAST SCENE WHY LEAVE IT LIKE THIS. WHAT IS HAPPENING WHY DOES WALKER OR DUKE APPARENTLY HAVE TO GO BACK.

Anyways! As you can see the entire episode was so enjoyable and I loved it. The best part of this was definitely the Cordirez friendship development and i cannot wait to see where it goes from here!

Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 5:- So it’s for sure that Walker is going back undercover as Duke who’s a baseball...person? Idk he was wearing a baseball hat so :) Walker’s past is now very much mixed in with his present and I AM SCARED. What he’s doing is yet to be revealed but Tywla is coming back and that will just. mess. things. up. The scene in which Walker is yelling at August GOD SO NOT READY FOR THAT. It feels like him and his kids might go back to how they were before. I really don’t want that to happen. Also why am I expecting a major cliffhanger. 

HEY BUT THERE’S SHIRTLESS WALKER AND! MICKI RIDING THAT MECHANICAL HORSE IN A BAR OR SMTH AND MORE INSIGHT INTO WHAT TREY IS DOING SO IM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

And it’s going on hiatus. Idk how to deal with that. :(