#like. honestly tell me he wasnt abusive and bad.

[crimeboys]

It wasnt mourninglamby :( but honestly mourninglamby doesnt know what they’re talking about so if they have the same opinions it doesnt even matter what they think tbh……. I just wish I was better at showing them evidence you know? I keep talking about the yes very selfish love cwilbur has for ctommy was still love for ctommy and there aint no way the mental turmoil cdream caused ctommy is worse than cwilbur being mentally ill and a bad role model… they called cwilbur a groomer ffs???? I wish I could tell them that’s wrong without losing again due to my lack of evidence because they can just shut it down by calling my interpretations of crimeboys fanon……. I’m honestly just rambling sorry cyrus

my bad that may have been my own personal demons... although it does make me desolate to know more people share this take. but im not exactly unfamiliar with media illiteracy in this fandom.

but tbh it's like fine you dont have to debate people online about their interpretations of characters i personally love to block and stew (and occasionally lose my cool or swagever) and write private metas bc well im not a super articulate person so i hate posting them online. but yeah listen if you see people making dumbass takes that are wildly insane such as c!wilbur groomed tommy, you never have to like. debate that person bc frankly they've gone to a level of reading into shit that you are probably not going to be able to unravel. write your own meta or complain to your friends. i personally do the second one bc i hate writing. but i can attempt a little bit.

cwilbur is a complicated man who a lot of people like to make simple, be that in a negative or positive way. there are far extremes of both interpretations of the character and they both drive me insane. he is a character who requires a lot of criticism and a lot of compassion, otherwise he gets lost in the extremes of "terrorist monster who wants to hurt everyone" or "big brother who wuvs his little brother and would never do anything to hurt him".

cdream is also a complex character but he has a simple goal. power. whether that power come from land or disc or a teenager all on his own, his goal is to be on top. things take an obvious shift from just being obsessed with power to being obsessed with having power over tommy, which dream has always had to some degree but that's bc he fixated on tommy's "troublemaking" ruining the server in the beginning. exile is where he began to just Enjoy fucking with tommy and lets himself want power over tommy for the sake of having power over tommy, nothing to do with control of the server.

both of them meant to hurt tommy. i dont disagree with the notion that wilbur was abusive toward tommy. i just think there is a very clear difference in the way wilbur treated him vs. the way dream treated him. specifically i think situationally, it is very clear that wilbur was in a godawful place when he started treating tommy and everyone else terribly. i think the notion that his abuse started before pogtopia is bullshit and an incredibly dumb read of the characters. wilbur was not secretly fucking evil during l'manburg. he was an asshole often because wilbur's an asshole (but so is tommy, which people who dont actually like his character but adore the fanon version of it like to ignore), but he didn't create l'manburg just to destroy it. he didn't created l'manburg just to hurt tommy and everyone he loves. he made a home for them and when that home was taken, he had a really fucking bad reaction to it.

there is no question that wilbur during this time period hurt the people he loves. but i also think acting like every single thing he did during this period of time was malicious is fucking strange. there is a very clear, obvious fucking steady decline from the moment eret betrays them in the final control room, to wilbur and tommy being exiled from the home they built together for each other, to wilbur and tommy trying to get their nation back, to wilbur watching schlatt onstage and realizing (thinking) he never can in a way that matters, to wilbur becoming a shaken up bottle of paranoia set to explode the second someone opens it. even the fucking pit, which was shitty and gross and makes me yell at the screen every time i watch it, had a cause and effect. wilbur who genuinely thinks technoblade is on their side and trusts not to kill tubbo, to running back to pogtopia and indignant about techno trying to come back, to realizing this reinforces his paranoia and that he was right all along isn't that amazing tommy he was right they can't trust anyone, to putting tommy and techno in the pit.

this isn't the most indepth bc well like i said i don't write meta. but i think my point is clear that overall, there is a very clear difference between isolating and hurting someone literally for fucking fun vs. being isolated by the country you built and having a paranoid episode that your brother is in the front lines for that irrevocably changes both of you.

i think not liking cwilbur is fair enough, he has done undeniably shit things and hurt a lot of people without really making up for it, but i think refusing to engage with his character outside of the surface level is incredibly annoying, especially when you refuse to do that but include your own personal hcs and pretend they're honest interpretations of what you actually watched instead of separate characters you invented in your head.

dsmp might be a mess and people might think they "did more heavy lifting than the creators" but at the end of the day, they gave us very clear groundwork and tons of content and i don't think any of the lifting we have done is actually all that revolutionary to the characters outside of like. fanart. usually the people who do aren't writing the characters anymore. or maybe it's their first fandom and they don't realize it's very normal to have a bunch of hcs and character reworkings. but that's a little off topic.

anyway i could ramble about all this forever so i'm gonna go before i'm too mean and late to work byeee.

[hearts401]

I honestly hate how the fandom treats Michael as a hero and I'm seeing posts about it so I feel a liiiittle better talkign about it

my moots are holding back, i can tell. but hes my favorite so im not. and im a little pissed writing this bc. bc i relate to cc a lot. and seeing ppl mischaracterize not only my favorite character but also someone who reminds me of people who fucking suck drives me INSANE.

so psa, im pissed as fuck and i love michael afton.

First off, he killed Evan. That's obvious. Not only was that literall 100% his fault (NOT WILLIAMS IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN PPL MAKE THAT ALL ABOUT WILLIAM SHUT THE FUVCK UP

he was a bully. yeah he was a kid. yeah he was messing with him. Have you considered he was literally. abusive to his brother. i know the fnaf fandom is scared of using that word to describe him but its fucking true. he was abusive. as fuck. that was awful what he did he wasnt just a bully he harassed him and literally locked him in his room. he was fucking horrible.

and yeah, he didnt mean for that to happen, but not only was that stupid as fuck, i hate any interpritation of "he wanted to be like his dad" "his friends coerced him" PLAY FNAF 4. PLAY FNAF 4. FUCKING PLAY FNAF 4 LOOK AT HIS DIALOGUE AND WHAT HE DOES

HE LITERALLY. EGGED IT ON. IT WAS HIS FUCKING IDEA. WHAT PART OF THAT GAVE "he was coerced" THUSHFUDFUDSIOFDUSOFDSIOS

im trying to be normal

Yeah he probably felt like shit after. yeah it probably was some sort of motivator behind his actions. but lets think. lets think.

fnaf 1 and 2 take place before SL, no? So. if thats true. why didnt he burn those down? to "free the souls?" because it was never about the children.

he burned down the fnaf 3 location to get rid of william. it was ALWAYS abotu william. sure he set the kids free but i reeeeaaallyy dont think that was his intention. it was always about william.

in sister location, did he go there out of the kindness of his heart? no he went there because william asked him too. it was ALWAYS about william. and yeah he probably wanted to help liz, he probably really wanted to help her, but based on his actions, was this really for her? or was it for closure

thats something about michael that i put in shitty brother. closure. he didnt actually want to reconcile with his family, he wanted closure on the guilt he felt. is that 100% wrong? no. its normal to want closure, especially after something like that. but also that should not be his goal

did he apologize? yes. he said sorry. he felt bad, sure. but when you kill someone tehy dont come back. evan deserves to never forgive him ever because that was dumb as fuck and HORRIBLE. IT WAS HORRIBLE. ABUSIVE. ILL SAY IT AGAIN

MICHAEL AFTON ABUSED HIS LITTLE BROTHER FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

yeah. abused. say it with me. A-B-U-S-E-D

not just bullied, not just harassed, ABUSED.

ik we're all scared to say it here but its fucking true. say it with ur chest.

this always came back to william. do i thinkk michael is unfeeling and doesnt care about his siblings at all? NO! I think his siblings drove a lot of his actions. but in the end i dont think he always acted with their best interest at heart. or the mci kids'

and the whole "he wanted to be like his dad" i dont fucking care actually. no seriously sit down beside me and tell me that wanting to be like his dad is an excuse for abusing his brother. seriously come closer i wont bite.

tell me how you think that AS A TEENAGER, 100% AWARE OF HIS ACTIONS, that wanting to be like his dad justifies abusing his little brother. his little brother. who as far as we know, never lashed out, never fought back, never did anything to him. tell me how he fucking deserved that

"Michael was just a kid!" so was Evan. So was Elizabeth. So was Cassidy and Charlie and all the kids who died.

tell me how much michael did that didnt revolve around closure and his father. like i get it, he had priorities, but can we please stop acting like he's some angel working for the greater good of everyone.

it feelslike how ppl treat fucking henry. NO HES NOT A GOOD PERSON PLEASE

MICHAEL IS SELFISH HE'S MESSY HE'S STUPID. HE MAKES BAD CHOICES IN FAVOR OF HIMSELF HE PRIORITIZES REVENGE OVER THE GREATER GOOD HE HURTS PEOPLE AND IT MAKES HIM SO MUHC MORE INTERESTING

oh and also in case anybody wants to pull dittophobia out and tell me how mike went thru that trauma

so did evan. and instead of bonding over that trauma, michael harassed him. ABUSED HIM. wording is important. im sorry for repeating myself so much, but nobody ever tells it how it is. it was abuse.

edit: People seem upset by my wording and honestly? fair. i couldve worded this a lot better but i was tired and irritated and one thing i will clarify

i dont care if u dont see adult michael the way i do. i see him as a selfish obsessive guy whos intent is to fix his family, but plenty of people see it differently and thats okay! /gen

but im not taking back anythign i said about teen michael. because i think to do that is unfair to his character and frankly bullshit. i think its bullshit. and i dont care if you disagree. he was a terrible brother and thats that

but adult mike is free real estate idk idrc abt him as much as teen mike.

[raffe156]

Breakaway State part 3

Pairing - Price X Female OC “Tank”

Summary - Tank is a thief, Price is still having bad dreams, Luke pitching a tent, Toy fighting*, Mckinley has control issues, Jumping out of helicopters and Kyle is just happy to have Tank back.

A/N - Honestly, I love you lot! The memes the asks all of it thank you so much! I know this was meant to be Sqaud * and 141 sharing but I've split it up to be honest it just means the next bit is halfway done and will be uploaded sooner x

Warnings - NSFW, smut, safe sex, p in v, Angst. Language, Age gap Price (39) reader (25), Violence, fighting, abuse, abuse of power, injury, Blood, mentions of death, mentions of scars

I really appreciate all the recent feedback and asks! Please keep em coming! It only spurs me on haha 

Tags:  @irnbru32 @shuttlelauncher81  @mildlyhopeless @mentallynot-here​ @deadbranch @soapyghost @fluffysmiko @bangirl134 @mortallyscrumptiousmilkshake @boomtowngirl @fanficandartgal @merakiaes @tapioca-marzipan @boniscute @chb-7 @adicthao @a-littlebirdie @mostannoyingbillioner @brewed-pangolin

If I've missed anyone, please let me know ​

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Call of duty characters - Only Tank, Luke, Dredd and Mckinley

Masterlist link here

“You heard anything from Tank, Kyle?” Price knew you and him spoke often.

“No not spoke to her since last week…Oh But I did get sent a picture…wanna see?” Kyle pulled his phone out searching for the image. He smiled angling his phone towards Price. It was a candid picture of you, you looked deep in thought or spaced out the looks were the same. You must have been on a mission when it was taken as your were fully geared up AK hugged to your body, you were cold…you hated the cold. Price stared at the image for a few minute longer…then he noticed your hat…a black beanie with a little green stitch, too big for your head because it wasnt yours, it was his. Price gave a little chuckle. When had you swiped that from him?

“Something funny boss? I know she looks like a right miserable get” Kyle took another look at the phone smiling.

Price felt a sense of pride knowing you had his hat on, even thought the T-shirt was back with him you still had his hat, still holding on. Still had some of him with you.

“Yeh she does…who sent it to you?” Price still hadn’t looked away from your face.

“Dredd sent it over, said she’s doing ok, but…” Kyle paused he thought for a moment if it was a good idea to tell Price what Dredd had mentioned.

“But? Go on…” The flutter in his chest had been replaced by a sinking feeling now. Something wasn’t right and it something wasnt right he needed to know.

“No…I think she’s just homesick…you know how she is…different team, different ways of doing things Tank is stubborn shell learn”

“Yeh you can say that again…if she would have spoken to me I would have put her straight…Mckinley is a nut job…but hey she went off thinking she knew best…”

It was clear Price still felt the sting of you leaving without telling him and his nights were still plagued with vivid nightmares, the latest one was of him of finding your lifeless body in a ditch, him being too late to save you as always, Mckinley taunting him from inside his head. It was safe to say Price hadn’t had a good night's sleep in weeks, but what else was new.

*******

“That’s meant to be a 2 man tent?” You looked at Luke as he finished hammering in the last tent peg.

“Yes it's meant to be a 2 man tent… cosy one” He burst out laughing he had no idea how the air mattress would fit. Neither did you…least you were used to sleeping on the cold ground, there was that time in Bahrain when you and Price had slept in a ditch together in the middle of the desert. A faint smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. Luke thought it was for him.

“Have you seen through my plan? Is now a good time to say there’s only one sleeping bag? It’s an extra large double one, but I’m a big guy” He backed you up against his Old Defender, arms either side of you. He did cause a stir inside you he really did, your body reacted well to him, but your mind hesitated.

“Only one sleeping bag? Why do I feel like I’m in a romance novel? I’m sure we will manage Luke, I’ve done my fair share of sharing single mattresses and sleeping bags! It will have to do for the next 2 days” You laughed thinking about when you had to share a single bed with Kyle in a grim hotel just outside of Columbia, Kyle was a cuddler. That had been for 2 nights only getting a few hours relief when Price would wake Kyle up to change watch. Price had slept in the questionable armchair the first 2 nights letting you take the bed, he only gave in when you shouted at him to get in bed on the last night. When Kyle came to wake you up to switch he had found you tucked into Price, your face buried in his side and his arm around you tight. Kyle decided against waking you and went back on watch. Later when being asked why he hadn’t woke you. He said it was too precious of a moment to ruin! It was the best you had both slept…especially as later that night you ended up getting shot not telling Price and attempting to sew yourself back up.

“I’d love to visit that planet that you go to so much?” Luke was currently fiddling with the drawstring on your hoodie.

“Ill get you a ticket for next time” you reached up pulling him into a kiss just as he pulled the drawstrings tight making your hood close up.

******

The fire crackled, the smoke permeating your pores and hair follicles. As you watched it crackle, Luke watched you, the way the warm orange glow light up inside your eyes and the way the shadows moved around your face.

“Getting pretty late, wanna hit the hay?” He couldn't hide the smirk, he knew you could see right through him. You shook your head, laughing. Oh yeh you definitely did see right through him.

“Yeh wow look at the time…9:30pm” You leaned into him. His sturdiness supporting you. Luke rested his head on top of yours he loved the way the smoke had mixed with the smell of your shampoo, he could smell it on your skin as well, Smokey sweet vanilla, it made his mouth water. He pulled your face up to meet his, his lips softly making their way up your neck, his beard rough on your soft flesh. It gave you goosebumps, he could feel them under his lips. He wanted you there and then out in the open, next to the fire.

“Luke…lets get inside the tent….” You ran your fingers through his hair , your nails raking his scalp. He didn’t need to be told twice, he picked you up almost falling into the tent.

“Christ sake Luke! Haha don’t want the air mattress popping do we!” Your heart was beating through your chest. Were you nervous? You watched as Luke fumbled with the zip of the tent. He quickly removed his boots an yours as he did you pulled your hoodie over your head, Luke mirrored your motions also removing his jumper. A grin plastered on his face he made you giddy.

“Help me off with my pants please…” it was a genuine request there wasn’t any room to stand up in the tent so pulling them off was a struggle, he nodded instead of rushing like before he gently hooked his fingers into the waistband slowly shimming them down your legs till they slipped off. He unbuckled his belt leaning forward to slip his jeans off his backside as he did he fell forward into you, making you both burst out laughing.

You helped him pull them off with your foot.

Luke knelt infront of you, both in just a T-shirt and underwear, he began to run his hand back up you leg the roughness of his palm causing a little gasp to escape, his thumb stopping over a large scar on your thigh. Oh you remembered why you were nervous now…Luke still didn’t know what you really did for a job…he hadn’t seen all your scars he had only seen the ones on your hands. It was a good job blood didn’t stain skin. What would he say, maybe he wouldn’t notice all of them, there was a fair few. Maybe you could leave your T-shirt on? Maybe he wouldn’t even ask?

“How did you get that?” He was still running his finger along it. Shit. You had been stabbed by one of the world's most wanted terrorists? No!

“Fell off my bike as a kid…into a metal fence” you quickly pulled his face forward into yours, kissing him gently, catching his bottom lip in your teeth. Even in the dimly lit tent you could see his pupils had blown completely. He had all but forgotten about your scar, but you still started thinking of other excuses to explain the many others. Luke pulled his top over his head you instinctively reached out to touch his chest, you ran your fingers over the dark chest hair. He was solid exactly how you had imagined. He pulled you to the edge of the air mattress, you thighs resting on top of his, he was boiling hot it almost stung your skin. When had you breathing got so heavy? He motioned to remove your T-shirt but you clung to it, you hands flying down to hold the hem. Luke’s up in the air as if he was showing he was unarmed.

“Ok…top can stay on…but can I…” he reached around you slowly as if you may snap at him any moment. Once you realised he was just trying to unhook your bra you eased up, pulling the straps down to help slip it out from under your T-shirt. As soon as the bra was off he gently pushed you down onto your back. He rested his hand on your hip his thumb rubbing back and forth. It sent a pulse down to your core. With his other he cupped your breast softly licking at your nipple through your T-shirt softly biting at it as it hardened under his touch. Arching your back you felt his bulge brush against your centre he was big. You felt the rumble of a moan as he sucked your nipple he was now rubbing his thumb over your other one. Even through the T-shirt, you could feel his warm breath as he sucked. You wanted his hands all over you wanted them searing into your skin. As he pulled back to admire you he let out a small groan. His mouth sounded wet an you wanted it on you.

“Look at what you’ve done to me…” he had pulled his cock out an began slowly stroking himself you could hear the wet sounds of it in his fist as he pumped away. He knew how to pull at your cords you could feel the slickness in between your thighs your underwear as soaked as your T-shirt.

“Touch yourself for me…” He almost sounded like he was begging. You did as you were told pulling you underwear to the side. Before you could get your hand near yourself Luke had your fingers in his mouth his tongue running over each finger. You nearly melted into the floor.

“Nice an wet for you…” he placed his free hand on your thigh a tight grip. You were speechless.

You dipped your fingers inside yourself, an you were right he did know how to pull at your cords. As you rubbed little circles over your clit Luke pushed his middle finger inside you, your walls immediately clenched around him.

“Let’s see what two fingers does to you eh?” As the words left his lips he slipped his ring finger inside you slowly curling them up, the thickness of them caused you to let out a little whimper.

“There’s a good girl…does that feel nice? Tell me”

“It feels so good…sir…”

The combination of you rubbing yourself an his fingers had made your mind go to mush. You didn’t realise what you had said till you heard Luke chuckle.

“Sir? I like that…what about Captain?”

The word brought you round from your haziness, like a smack to the face it felt like a sharp sting. Luke picked up on your sudden mood change while slipping the condom on.

“Sorry too far?…I don’t mind sir…or whatever” in an effort not to ruin the mood you played along, he wasn’t to know you had imagined many a time Your real Captain an you in this very same situation. He didn’t know he was partly to blame for you an said Captain coming to blows an ultimately deciding it wouldn’t work, he didn’t know you had left your team and your captain as you couldn’t stand to be around him an his “girlfriend” and now called another man Captain a man who paled in comparison a man who if you were being honest scared you half to death.

Luke didn’t know how much weight that word carried.

“No…not at all” you reached out to him giving him your best smile even in the growing darkness of the tent. He angled his body as he hunched over you kissing your neck, his skin smelt of cut grass, cold air and aftershave. It tasted salty as you kissed his shoulder. He slowly edge the tip inside you pushing just halfway in allowing you to adjust around him.

“God it feels so good even with this on…” He edged in further. You could feel him holding back as if he was scared he was going to break you, he was definitely the biggest you had had the full feeling was a new one an you had to angle your hips so he didn’t hit your cervix but even at this pace you were close.

“You can be abit rough you know I don’t mind at all…sir” You kissed under his jaw as you whispered into his ear. Your words sent him wild causing him to buck his hips into yours the sound of his thighs slapping against your backside could probably be heard across the site, but you both didn’t care. Both crying out into the night like wild animals. Both melting together, as you came undone under him the faint smell of cigars and gun oil filled your nose and instead of a mess of dark curls was a short clipped auburn cut, pale grey eyes replaced for dark blue ones. You weren’t looking at Luke you were looking at John. You shut your eyes and kissed John away deciding it wasn’t fair to Luke.

He let out a low grunt as his hips stuttered. He crashed down to your side pulling you tightly to him, his hair falling in front of his face.

He ran his thumb over your lips as you combed your fingers through his dark curly hair pushing it out of his face.

“Where have you been all my life woman?” He kissed the top of your head.

Fighting a never ending war alongside your Captain.

********

“What do you mean sharing the base sir?” Kyle had mixed emotions on one hand he got to see you for a few days on the other he had to see you with a different team, with another Captain.

“Squad 8 are going to be bunking here for a few days a quick stop over before they are relocated to their next housing state” Price avoided eye contact with Kyle, he knew he would give himself away. He was looking forward to seeing you, maybe get a chance to talk with you, but the idea of Mckinley lurking around made his blood pressure rise.

“Well, at least we get Tank for a few days eh boss? Like the good old days” Kyle gave him a weak smile. They both missed you and this was better than nothing.

********

“hahaha ok, ok, you win! I submit!” Crest tapped your leg causing you to release him from the arm bar you had him in.

“Told you didn’t I? Haha even at 6ft 2’ Crest, no man is too big to fall!” You laughed, helping him up from the ground. Crest laughed as you hoisted him up.

“Small but might eh Tank? Got some strength in you girl…Glad your on our side!” He patted you on the back. Dredd threw you your water bottle.

“Think that move will help me bag Ghosty?” She leant on the ropes of the boxing ring, you cocked your eyebrow at her, she was being deadly serious.

“I think it would take more than that to bag Ghost…” You scoffed, but you did imagine how you would grapple him to the ground, he defiantly wouldn’t go down as easy as Crest.

“Imagining how you would do it?”

“…yeh…”

Dredd threw a towel at your head. From the corner of your eye you spotted Mckinley strutting into the gym hall as he got closer the mood changed dramatically as if a dark cloud had rolled in on an otherwise sunny day. The cut was just healing above Crest's eyebrow from where Mckinley had struck him that night. You had never seen a Captain turn on his lieutenant like that in all your years of service, maybe the odd cross word but nothing on that level, you thought of Price and Ghost going to blows like that…

“Not packing up yet are you?” McKinley’s words cut through the room, Dredd flickered her eyes at your hand wraps as if to say ‘start unwrapping them now’ but it was already too late.

“Course not, still have your wraps on Tank…how about it? Let's see if you can knock me on my arse like you did to Crest…come on let's see how well Price trained you?”

Before you could answer he was already in the ring. He was stocky and well built, you had sparred with bigger men and women but none as volatile as him.

“Ok…fair enough…but I’m warning you, Price taught me well” you gave him a playful smirk, a little bit of banter. You regretted it instantly as his grin had dropped into a straight line in the blink of an eye. Dredd looked from you to Mckinley, her expression said it all…

As you readied yourself, you noticed him watching you like a hawk, you just needed to get him on his arse as quickly as possible, take him down, but then wouldn’t that just make him angrier? But you couldn't just let him win?

The first blow to your stomach caused you to double over…the wind knocked from your lungs…

“HEY!! I hadn’t even rung the bell!” Dread was shouting from the side.

“Sorry but she wasn't paying attention…thought I'd bring her back down to earth…no time to be daydreaming out in the field Tank, that’s how you die…No Captain Price here to jump in front of a bullet for you…” His lip curled up as he spoke. Your blood began to boil. He was rilling you up. He wanted you unfocused. Dredd rang the bell.

“I took the bullet for him actually!” You managed to evade his next punch by ducking as you did you reached to lock his leg into a hold to pull him down, but he was one step ahead and his elbow connected with your shoulder blade. You just needed to get him on his back.

“That’s even worse…which shoulder was it…this one?” He shot a blow to your shoulder. The pain ripped through it like toothache. He was pushing you off the edge now.

“No wonder you left…must of gone soft in his old age eh?” He attempted another jab to your shoulder, but you managed to block this one landing a blow to his chest. It seemed to only hype him up further, but you knew he had felt the rage behind it. You took your chance your blows rained in on him, tight and fast but not fast enough his elbow came up again clashing with your skull this time, before you could right yourself another blow to your chest, then a third to your head. He didn’t stop. He had you where he wanted you now. You could hear the bell ringing but he didn’t stop blow after blow you could hear Dredd shouting for him to stop…his final punch was to your face he had seen an opening and went for it. Your lip smashed against your teeth splitting instantly. It rattled your skull.

You reached out with one hand resting it on his forearm the other palm up in surrender…you looked up at him…so close that you could hear his heartbeat. He changed his stance, disarming himself. Mckinley glanced down at your lip, blood from your nose had mingled with that from your lips causing your teeth to be stained dark red. He swiped his thumb along your bottom lip, the salt from his hands causing it to sting.

“Don’t worry…your with me now…I'll toughen you up”

*********

“How long have you been sat here?” Ghost handed Kyle a coffee. It was about 5am, cold and windy, but Kyle had been sat outside waiting for you to arrive.

“Not long actually…they should be arriving soon…where’s the Captain?” Kyle took the coffee gladly. He knew Price was probably hiding in his office using the excuse of paperwork to keep him busy. Ghost lifted his mask up to drink his tea, black no sugar, two teabags.

“He’s hiding in his office… don't blame him to be honest…Mckinley is a cunt wouldn’t be surprised if he nuts him as soon as he claps eyes on him…they go way back…Price was there when he got the nickname The Buthcer…nasty little fucker…” Ghost clocked Kyles's shocked expression.

“An he’s Tank's new Captain? What the fuck?” Kyle pressed his fingers into his eyes. What were you doing?

“We need to talk to her, I don't like this…she doesn’t belong with them…she’s 141 born and bred, Price needs to talk some sense into her…I need to talk some sense into her…Its not right…” Ghost rested his hand on Kyles's shoulder he felt sorry for the lad he really did miss you, If he was being honest Ghost missed you.

“Listen Kyle…she’s made of strong stuff our girl…she’ll be ok you never know she might love being with them…”

*******

Your stomach was in knots, as the helicopter got closer to the base. You knew Kyle would be waiting for you he had text you late last night. Dredd had done her best at treating your lip and covering your black eye and brushed cheekbone, but it was no good you looked busted. Your plan was to tell them you fell…easily done in your line of work. God you hated how you were trying to cover for Mckinley, bu you wanted to avoid as much chaos as possible the next few days. You glanced out the window, you were half a mile out from the base, but you could still make out Kyle in blue and the huge black mass that was Ghost. Your heart jumped in your chest, you hadn’t realised how much you had missed them. Noticing your little smile Dredd squeezed your thigh.

“Kyle is so cute bet he's been waiting since early this morning…He really does wear that mask all the time doesn’t he?” Dredd was now leaning over you to get a better look at Ghost.

“He really does…I’m going to get him to take it off one day…” You both giggled like school girls. Mckinley cleared his throat his boot knocking yours. You exchanged looks with Dredd. You grew impatient as the helicopter descended, already unbuckling your belt, Kyle noticed your squirming in your seat his heart swelling at the site of you, he couldn't hold it in he set off jogging towards the helicopter.

“And there he goes…” Ghost sighed a smile pulling at his mouth.

The landing was taking too long, as soon at it touched the ground you didn’t even wait to be cleared or dismissed by Mckinley, you bolted like a dog off its lead, nearly hitting the deck you legged it towards Kyle jumping up into his open arms. You breathed him in, fresh air, wet tarmac, coffee and lynx body spray you had missed it, he smelt like home.

“Missed me Garrick?” You didn’t even lift your head, instead you held on to him tigher, he did the same.

“Course I did you clown!”

Kyle glanced over at Squad 8, He clocked Mckinley straight away, he was the guy starting through him.

“Come on you two, break it up…” Ghost caught a glimpse of your face. His eyes narrowed.

“What the fuck is that about?” He pulled your face up towards the light. He could feel his blood boiling.

“Kyle put her down…let me see your face…now” you tried to brush him off but he wasn't playing around. Kyle turned his head to look at what the fuss was about. His eyes widened as he saw your cheekbone.

“What the fuck Tank? How did that happen?” Kyle was now holding your face and inspecting your lip.

“I fell over while out on recon, uneven terrain wasn't watching where I was going you know me…” They looked at each other, they didn’t buy it. Ghost looked over at Mckinley, then back at you.

Surely he wasn't that stupid to bring you back damaged, knocked about…Ghost knew Mckinley believed in ‘Tought love’, but was he that arrogant that he wanted to show off his handy work to Price. Ghost sighed.

“Fair enough Kid, come on let's get you inside it's cold.”

[tmntxthings]

hi! can you do a rottmnt x sibling!reader where splinter wasnt able to rescue them from draxum and so the reader grew up to be draxums assistan, i need the sibling angst

has a bonus they have a redemtion arc like draxum

Lost & Found

author’s note: anon, i think you’re a absolute genius, this might be super long (I’m writing this before I start heh) honestly there are a lot of ways this could play out, but I’m going to hone in on your request for some sibling angst and let that take me where it will! thank you so much for requesting c; hope you enjoy~

p.s. >.< i haven’t finished season 1 on netflix (I’m rlly close tho like episode 23 I think) sooo im kinda lost in the sauce with ‘draxum redemption arc’ life’s been super busy as of lately I hardly have time to write much less watch the show *cries* but I shall find out what you mean sooner or later!!!

warnings: angsty angst, cursing, violence, abuse, sibling!reader, comfort ending

> part two <

—————————————————————————

[13 years ago]

After Draxum had injected him with the ooze, there was only so much time Lou Jitsu.. no, Splinter had left. To escape, to grab the turtles and each one was in a different capsule. Splinter was weak, he didn’t have time, and had barely broken into the fourth’s when Draxum burst into his lab. Lights were flashing red, everything was so loud. Draxum was quick to block off the last cage, that held the fifth child, the final turtle. Splinter didn’t want to leave you. He hurt everyday knowing your fate was in the hands of the lunatic named Draxum. And yet he had hope, that someday, you would finally be reunited with your brothers. But they weren’t ready, none of them were. Splinter was too old now, he had run out of time. It would be up to them, Splinter decided, when they finally showed him they were ready, and capable of facing you. Because Splinter knew that whatever you had turned into, it would be something completely different than his sons. A powerful mutant under the influence of the mad scientist and manipulator, Draxum.

。・゜・(pov change: you)・゜・。

[the present]

You knelt before your creator. “I’ve got a mission for you,” you kept your head bowed, knowing the consequences of looking up too soon. You had been on the receiving end of many ‘lessons’ and you were too old to be beaten for anything other than failure. And that was something that only happened on rare occasion. “Get rid of the pests that keep interfering with my work.” Draxum sounded irritated. It was unusual, he normally didn’t seem phased by anything, and if he had a tone it was arrogant and full of smug confidence. “Yes Draxum,” you rose to your full height. Looking up into those cold, calculating eyes that had raised you. “Don’t disappoint me.” If you fail I will squeeze your shell until another crack forms. You could read between the lines, hear the underlying threat. “I won’t.” you muttered as you turned your back on him, leaving the Hidden City, going into the human realm. New York City is a real piece of work and that’s putting it politely, you thought as you emerged into an alleyway. The smell of trash flooding your senses. “Alright fellow turtles, prepare for your demise..”

。・゜・( pov change: everyone )・゜・。

“This is greatttt,” Leo said sarcastically. Waving his ōdachi around making little portals. He was utterly bored. “Sometimes Leo, heroes have to wait for crime to happen,” Raph was leaning down over the edge of the rooftop looking down at the streets below. “In any case, isn’t that a good thing! No crime means no bad guys,” Mikey said rocking back on his heels, nonexistent eyebrows waggling at Leo. His older brother rolled his eyes, “then what are we here for let’s go back to the lair!”

“Hold on I’m picking up something,” Donnie said looking down at his wrist tech. Leo waited a whole 5 seconds before complaining, “yeah a whole bunch of nothing!” Raph shot a look at Leo, telling him to shut up silently, the blue turtle only stuck out his tongue. “Bingo!” Donnie’s wrist tech flared up in a flash of color, “What was that Leo?? A bunch of what??” He goaded his twin, smiling smugly. “Let’s hear it Don,” Raph prompted not wanting to waste anymore time. “Two streets away, northwest, someone’s breaking into-“ “Bla, bla, bla time to goooo!” Leo cut Donnie off and waved his sword into a big circle. “Oh no no no, it’s only two streets awayyyyy~!” Donnie yelled out as they all fell into Leon’s portal.

“That was fun,” Donnie grumped, while Mikey snickered. The portal had put them 7 streets away from their target, and effectively ruining any sort of hero work that night. “Look if I don’t practice how am I gonna get better at it,” Leo said thinking he was being pretty logical. “How about practice before an actual patrol? Huh? Ever thought about that my dumb dumb of a brother?” Leo peered over at Mikey and started mimicking Donnie’s voice. Mikey had to hold in his laughter, hand slapping over his mouth loudly. “Enough you two,” Raph chided, “it’s already over with let’s just get back to the lair, we’ll try again tomorrow.” When Leo grabbed for his sword this time, Raph stopped him, shaking his head, “practice on your own time like Donnie said,”

“Tch,” was the only reply Leo could come up with. He wanted to say something like, you guys are just jealous my power is ten times awesome-er than everyone’s combined. But he held himself back, somehow, someway. Who was he kidding, “you guys are ju-“

Something whizzed past Leo’s face connecting into Mikey’s and slamming him back and onto the ground he skidded a couple of feet before coming to a stop. “OW!” Mikey groaned as his brothers came running, a collective “Mikey!” yelled out in worry. They formed a circle around the youngest, “What the fuck was that?!” Raph said as he looked around for any signs, any clues to what had just pummeled his little brother. “Felt like a fist to me,” Mikey coughed as Donnie knelt down over him, making sure he was okay and then helping him up. Leo was on guard too, “why don’t you pick on someone your own size!” he barked out. “You saw it??” Raph said still searching, only giving Leo a glance. “No but I’m guessing whatever it was chose Mikey for a reason,” Leo explained, eyes narrowing in on a billboard.

Raph nodded his head and they were off, both jumping up and weapons drawn for anything that was on the other side. “Huh, nothing,” Leo commented as Raph huffed in frustration. The moment they had left Mikey’s side, Donnie had a matter of milliseconds before he was thrown back on his shell. The air being knocked straight out of his lungs as Mikey’s eyes widened and yelled for his brothers as he threw out his mystic kusari-fundo hoping to wrap whatever it was that kept throwing them to the ground. But as the chain wrapped around its target Mikey hadn’t been prepared to be jolted forward at such speed, he was practically half-dragged, half-flying after whatever he had caught. “GUYS,” he screamed in panic as he zoomed forward, leaving his brothers in the dust as they called out for him to let go. But Mikey didn’t listen and when he finally landed on a rooftop, somehow on his feet, he was tense, and more than a little scared to be facing whatever this was without his brothers.

You looked down at the chains wrapped around your torso. Bright orange, your shell facing your opponent not worried in the slightest. “I see you’ve stolen something,” you commented and Mikey just held onto his weapon tighter. “Borrowed actually,” he corrected- a turtle?! Mikey blinked and his grip loosened immediately. He saw the state of your shell, his stomach rolled, his own shell tightened as if he could feel your pain. You felt the slack and turned only your face. Black bandana waving in the wind. “You” Mikey said stunned, “you’re like us!” He couldn’t help it, a smile of recognition replaced his frightened features. You scowled, not returning the sentiment. One second you were yards away from Mikey and the next you were throwing him onto the rooftop again. He cried out in pain, “I’m nothing like you.” And even though he was hurt, his innocence was too pure to be shot down. “But you’ve got a shell, and a bandana,” he groaned out as he forced himself up. Noticing you had released yourself from his binds the moment you had him on the ground.

“Get away from our brother,” Raph hollered as he came down as a huge red figure of power. You side stepped, letting the cement feel his wrath instead. So the orange wasn’t the only one who stole. A purple drill came next, you jumped into the air it missed your feet by centimeters as you came back down, your eyes widened in surprise for the first time this fight, as you didn’t touch the ground but went through a blue circle. Suddenly blue was all you could see, and you activated your power, a black shadow surrounding your body and time slowed, you watched as the portal ended and the blue one was ready and waiting with a sword held out. You landed with grace, crouching immediately but you didn’t need to, while in your power form you were faster than all of them combined. You kicked the blue straight in the groin, feeling somewhat irritated that he had gotten the best of you for a split second. He went down as you continued to move, not wanting to be caught off guard again, you went back to normal form after you put two rooftops in between you and the four.

It was a stare off. All but the Red had felt how powerful just your fists and feet were. It was his turn, and then you would destroy them completely. “What do you want!” Raph roared, angry that he hadn’t been able to protect his little brothers. “Nothing from you,” you let your voice be carried by the wind. Unable to find such passion like the Red one, no one but Draxum could make you howl like he just had. In fear and anger, in anguish and pain. You took a step forward, all but the Red flinched. You found that quite funny. “Then just leave us alone,” Raph begged, standing over Mikey and Leo while Donnie stood a little staggered next to him. “I’m afraid I can’t do that,” you said taking another step forward. Why were you wasting time like this? Answering his buffoon questions, for what? You gritted your teeth from your own condescending thoughts. “Why?!” The red exasperated. “Because,” you glared reaching for the sole tantō (short sword) behind your shell. You only unsheathed it when necessary, but all these questions were grating your nerves, “I was ordered to.” And maybe that was what pissed you off the most. As you lunged forward eyes seething with pitch black rage.

Raph braced himself calling onto his power to create a shield from the shadow that was hurtling towards him faster than anything he had ever seen. He tried to keep his eyes open, but at the last second he flinched closing them tightly hoping his shield would hold. “Boys?” Splinter said in confusion. They had all just been saved by Leo’s well-timed portal and if it wasn’t for the near death experience he would have boasted about it proudly. Raph fell back on his haunches, his weapons dropping limply from his hands. Mikey was the first to recover, “Dad you’ll never guess what just happened!” Bruised everywhere he exclaimed, “we met another turtle!” “Met?” Donnie shook his head, “that Michael, was not a meeting, that was a blindside!” He had to hold his side wincing when he raised his voice.

Splinter fell back into his recliner. “So you finally crossed paths,” it had been a weak whisper. Silence stretched on after that as Splinter relived that haunting night. Where time hadn’t been on his side, not enough to save everyone. “What do you mean dad?” Raph asked, breaking the silence. “The night I rescued you all and myself from Draxum’s lab, I hadn’t saved everyone that night,” his voice sounded far away. The brothers all looked at each other, shock and confusion written on their faces. “Are you saying, that we just met our sibling out there tonight?” Donnie expounded, eyes bugging out. Splinter nodded. Another collective silence. “Well, they wanna kill us,” Leo put plainly, trying to get up. “No they don’t!” Mikey said defensively. All three of his brothers turned on him with crazed expressions. “I’m serious! You heard them, they were ordered to come after us!” Mikey had his hands out as if it were obvious. Splinter kept silent, Leo looked doubtful, while Raph and Donnie both shook their heads.

“It doesn’t matter Mikey, if Leo hadn’t portaled us outta there, we would’ve been turtle soup.” Raph said, and he wasn’t joking. “Yeah but, maybe if we talked to them, showed them that Draxum isn’t their real family, then maybe-“ Mikey was cut off by Donnie, “No. Mikey listen to yourself! You wanna go back out there after three of us got pummeled and Raph was about to get sliced?!” Mikey’s cheeks puffed out in frustration, they weren’t listening to him. “…maybe Mikey’s right,” Leo pipped up looking at his little brother. “What if one of us had been left behind?” Splinter winced. Leo paused, continuing after awhile, “shouldn’t we at least try?” Donnie scoffed, “try what exactly, reason with the trained killer of a psychopath who wants us dead?!” Mikey nodded. Raph blew out a long breath. “Not anytime soon,” he said giving in, he couldn’t help it, looking at it the way Leo had put it. He’d try. “Once we are healed a hundred percent and Leo practices his portals more… then we can try talking,” Donnie glared at them all. “If this backfires I don’t care if it’s my last dying breath, I’m saying I told you so,” with that he was off to his lab. Mikey smiled to himself, hoping this would work, that you would listen, and see that they were your real family.

After Raph’s orders were carried out, all of them healed up to the max, and Leo did practice on his portaling, it was time. “So how’re we gonna find them??” Mikey questioned as they all exited the manhole, Raph the last out and covering it up. “The Hidden City,” Raph said, since they knew who was behind your strings aka Draxum. “Righttt,” Mikey agreed. “We’re breaking into Draxum’s,” Donnie explained further for his little brother to catch up to speed. They all knew he had zoned out when the plan was being discussed, Mikey was too excited. Which had all of his older brothers worried for the impending disappointment they all expected. “Alright, breaking into Draxy’s,” Mikey said rubbing his hands together in mischief, finally up to speed.

They went the same route they had came when April had been with them. It seemed like they were always trying to rescue someone from here, first Mayhem, now you. All the turtles peered down into what had been an exploded lab last they left it. Now it was fully refurbished and off to the side you came into view.

Horror. Raph tried reaching for Mikey to cover his eyes, but it was too late. He had seen, your limbs were spread far apart, vines wrapped tightly around your wrists and ankles. But what held all of the turtles stares was the thick vines that were in a vice-like grip around you torso, around your shell. Draxum appeared from a doorway. “Not tight enough?” He commented as your head hung to the floor, but as the grip tightened around your shell you gasped, head lurching up once more. This had been going on for days, ever since you had returned, since you had failed. “Why are you being punished,” Draxum questioned as you panted in pain, it was getting to the point where you would pass out. “ANSWER ME” his voice raised in authority and anger, “I-“ the vines tightened again and you finally screamed out in agony. New streams of tears flooded down your cheeks. “Say it.” He seethed, “I f-failed you,” you sobbed. Head falling in front of your body unable to keep it raised any longer. “You are pathetic and weak. You expect me to believe those pests outsmarted you?” He spat in disgust. “They had mystic weapons,” you tried to explain, you hadn’t realized how vital the blue one could be for escape. You were paying for it now. “Excuses,” Draxum shook his head, “I gave you a mystic weapon, I trained you and this is the result I get?” Your head was swimming in pain, it was becoming hard to breath and you knew what was coming next, the sound haunted you in your sleep. Crack! “Please!” You begged, knowing it was useless because you had been through this before, “I’ll do better, I’ll get them next time just give me one more chance!” You’d say anything, promise anything if it meant you could save yourself from the living nightmare you were experiencing.

An fiery orange chained whipped out of nowhere and snagged Draxum up and off the ground. “Leave them alone!” He cried out, tears pouring down his own face as he yanked his weapon backwards, continuing to pull Draxum away from you. Raph’s fist was three times its size, and punched the sheep yokai, slamming him to the floor of his lab. Donnie and Leo were quickly cutting away at the vines that held you hostage. Leo catching you before you fell to the ground. “Let’s go!” Leo called out as Donnie positioned himself defensively, his mystic tech aimed at Draxum’s figure that was still on the ground. He turned and faced the turtles he had created, his face pure fury, “Y/N!” He bellowed and that was the last thing you remembered before you slipped into unconsciousness.

[one week later]

“They should be waking up any moment now,” a not so familiar voice said informatively. “But when exactly??” someone whined. “They’ve been through a lot just give them time,” someone else chided. “Look” another voice said, and as your eyes moved underneath your eyelids, listening intently and very much awake, you realized they must’ve noticed you were up. “Hello?” you squinted open one eyelid, and orange was so close you could see down to his esophagus. “Mikey, give ‘em some space!” red said exasperated as if he had said it a million times already. “What did I tell you guys, any moment!” purple said as a matter-of-factly. “We get ittt,” sighed blue. All of them had curious eyes on you, the red had one weapon drawn, and purple had a finger hovering over a button. Blue had his arms crossed and orange was still in your face. “We saved you!” He explained, “from Draxum’s crazy” “psycho” “sadistic” “ass.” They all had a word for your creator. And they all seemed to be waiting for you to say something or do something. You slowly opened up both eyes, “please back away orange,” you phrased it as nicely as possible but the frown on his face couldn’t be missed. “Told ya,” Raph chuckled, silently putting away his weapon. “So how old are you?” “And what kind of turtle are you?” “What’s your mystic power exactly?” “Are you hungry?” Mikey pitched in last, recovering from your first sentence to him. It seemed to be the only question you would acknowledge as you nodded slightly. The rest looked at one another, with wary expressions. “Where am I?” you decided it was better to be the one who asked the questions. “In-“ a hand slapped over Mikey’s mouth. “Why don’t you go get them some pizza?” Raph said. “Oh right! Be right back!” He said bouncing away. The three older ones sighed in unison. “Look Y/n,” you blinked no one but Draxum had ever used your name. “You’ve gotta answer our questions first,” the red one claimed.

You wondered if you were fully recovered. Because if so, you’d rather just leave than have to sit through an interrogation like this. You could feel the unwelcomeness roll off these three. But as you did a mental check, you knew you would have trouble using your power and making a speedy escape. So you sighed, admitting defeat nonverbally. “I am 13 years old, a diamondback terrapin, and to put it shortly speed,” Donnie went to say he wanted the longer more detailed version because he obviously had gotten that. But Raph stopped him. You were Mikey’s age. Raph couldn’t believe it, how polar opposite the two of you were, and it crushed him to think how Mikey might have been in your place. “I see,” Raph murmured. “Now my turn?” You asked, prompting for an answer to your earlier question. “We’re in the sewers!” Mikey answered coming back into the room. Leo face palmed himself. “What?!” Mikey exclaimed, “they deserve to know!” and he handed you a plate stacked high with slices of pizza.

“Well I guess we’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” you gave Mikey an inquisitive glance as you stuffed your face. You hadn’t eaten in what felt like ages. Raph and Mikey both smiled at the sight of you eating heartily. “Because we’re family!” Mikey explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And that had you swallowing, you looked around the room, these four were your brothers? “Draxum never told you?” Donnie asked quietly, and all you could do was shake your head. You kept looking all around, like suddenly everyone in the room looked different looked more familiar. And you hadn’t realized it when one tear streaked down your face. “Family?” You echoed. Draxum had never used familial terms between the two of you. He was your creator and you were his creation. Black and white, plain and simple. You always believed you were on your own. The thought of a family, it was too good to be true. “Yeah!” Mikey cried, the instant he saw the tear go down your cheek. And space bubbles be damned! He leapt on top of you hugging you close, “you’re our family!” Mikey said and the rest of the gang piled in, more tears were shed, even from Donnie. It was a miracle you thought, and maybe finally you could be happy, here with your family.

[sweetshelluvaau]

wait when was fizz ooc /gen

like tbf we didnt know a lot about him off-stage before oops so even tho he wasnt what he expected i wouldnt necessarily say it was ooc

same for ozzie

Maybe ooc isn't exactly the right term (at least in Oops case, the Mammon episode, oh he was completely ooc imho. I explained my thoughts about this here) more than how the narrative has everyone in the show be like 'isn't Stolas great?' and just defending him like Fizz you barely even know the guy! That or the writers fear that they can't write an abuse victim which happens to also be a horrible person. They have to be the 'prefect victim'. They took Fizz's bite away in the Mammon episode where he couldn't stand up for himself let alone have these insecurities he didn't have before out of no where?

Fizz not being able to protect himself physically? Okay I can buy that he's not a fighter. Fizz walking on eggshells around Mammon? Completely understandable being he's both his idol and his boss. But I'm sorry he wouldn't have sit there and take Glitz and Glam insults without snapping back? He'd also chew out that obsessed fan as well (which would also show how he grew from a timid teenager to a Snarky Shit). Yeah he may get a word from Mr. Christmas Tree after for the fan thing, but with G&G? C'mon, a little drama is great entertainment Mammon would eat that shit up if it means more view and money.

However with the case of Oz: He was written as if he was a complete idiot just to make Stolas look better in Oops. Yeah thankfully he didn't kiss Stolas' ass and seems to not like the guy (and I know Viv is gonna recon that in the future because god forbid we have a character that isn't a villain not like Stolas) but the whole thing with the lawyer and and Ozzie making really rash decisions (I mean yes he's hot headed but he's not stupid) and really Stolas NOT needing to be there.

Also saw someone in the critical tag mention this today: I'm sorry, Ozzie would sense something is up with Stolas and his 'feelings' for Blitzo. We had this ham fisted consent speech that went over owl boys head and you're telling me a man who's lived for thousands of years and has most likely dealt with some of the worst of humanity and demons Earth and Hell have to offer isn't gonna sense any red flags? And considering how much he hates people like Mammon, I'm sure plenty of the Ars Goetia aren't any better.

In other words Ozzie could smell bullshit from a mile away.

Also I'm ranting about this again for the hundredth time but Ozzie wouldn't sit around listening to some lawyer, he'd go to rescue Fizz himself. The guy can teleport anyways so I'm sure he can easily sneak into Crimson's compound and lay down the smack down like it's no one business because he's a SIn for crying out loud! And maybe after seeing Blitzo keeping Fizz safe and having that conversation with Stolas, Oz would likely just give Blitzo the crystal as a thank you suppose to giving to Stolas to give it Blitzo being again, he's picking up bad vibes.

That or have Fizz deliver it at a later date. After all, it was Fizz who said he 'earned it' and who's word do you think Ozzie is going to take to heart? It sure ain't Hooters.

That being said I'd also blame the fact that the same character can act one way in another episode and then have a completely different personality in the next if it means fitting the narrative. No one character is consistent and can change if it means making a character look better or again, fits the narrative of that said episode. What did they have some character development the last few episodes ago? Never mind that we're back to their old self or better yet, they have a completely new personality all together the fuck?

Honestly, I'm kinda drained from making the same agreements all time. All I wanted was a silly demon show about some silly demon assassins, not whatever the fuck we got now. At this point I just want to focus mostly my AU and other projects.

[devouringcalamity]

For the record: I didnt stalk anyone. I hadnt thought of him in years before I decided to try and find out what he was up to these days. Lying to me repeatedly about how special to you I'd be and how all I needed to do was cut your name was coercive when you were trying to prey on the fact I got attached. But honestly I don't blame you for that. I blame you for acting like either of you are fucking victimized by me briefly entering your lives. I didnt manipulate your gf into doing anything. I didnt fucking sexually abuse her good fucking lord. If thats what I did then imagine what you fucking actually lying and coercing me into harming myself for you to get a kick from is, especially in the context of preying on my attachment to you, its just more fucking abuse. But no, sending anonymous messages to see how she'd react is not, in fact, abusive. Especially considering I told her and stopped after. No i didn't send messages for years. No didnt do half the shit I even said I did because despite the fact I seem real easy for falling for your fucking extremely obvious (to the point I labeled each fucking obviously guilt trippy manipulative message, because it was so obvious it made you look like you were doing it on purpose to be hot or whayever or that you were fucking stupid) despite the fact I went along with it, I'm not fucking stupid. I know you loved thinking I was an evil evil girl, oh no I did sooo many bad things. And you, of course, got off on it. Especially because you told me from the start you had a fucking philia for criminals and paraphilic offenders. So I embellished things that were misunderstandings into assault so you'd, one, feel bad for me and tell me its okay, two, so you'd think I trusted you, and three, because for a whils there you got off on it. So unfortunately no, I'm not a rapist or a pedo or whatever other awful things you said. No I never intended to let you replace my bf, for days I've been letting him know every lie that I tell you so he can laugh as I paint him as some offending pedophilic abusive monster. Its funny, cause its such an easy lie. Cause you cant ever ask for proof. So, unfortunately, I don't have the shit you think I do, and I didn't do what I said. Sorry to spoil the fun. But it serves you right. I never did get any money or real good attention from you so it wasnt too worth it. But all I lost was what, a random BPD attachment I knew was unhealthy? I mean I hoped maybe you'd go back to giving me the attention you gave me before, but oh well! No great loss. So to summarize. No I didnt do the shit youre accusing me of, yes you're an abusive manipulator, yes I lied to you to seem even worse to make you take control, yes you failed to even do that in a way I wanted, yes you failed to get revenge, and yes I will leave you both the fuck alone. This was profoundly unfun once you decided to be a fucking freak about me telling your gf you were a bad partner because you were almost bragging about how she'd stay with you no matter what abuse you put her through. Oh and blocking you in a BPD moment. So after that, I really did lose attachment. And you failed to actually make it fun for me. So why the fuck must you always pretend youre the victim, when this all started with your actions hurting your gf, and me implying you were in the wrong. So sorry. So sorry I told her you cheated and were a pedo, even though you thanked me. So sorry that made it okay to coerce and abuse me. So sorry I tried to see if she'd be more interesting. So sorry I lied about being a rapist and a pedo to make you hard and to get you to consistently reassure me and tell me how good of a person I am and how you're just as bad. Sorry that me trying to tell your gf about your abuse was enough to warrant you blowing up our friendship and then deciding to plot out my suicide and to ruin my life. Sorry I believed you when you said I was special and you just meant it in a pseudo intimate relationship way, and trusted youd changed. But yes I'll leave you the fuck alone. Remember this all happened because of your actions.

Considering you deleted all the incriminating messages i cant show more concrete “proof” of your degeneracy; but theres no reason for you to be scared ill report you if all your little pedophilic offences are fake.

The sexual abuse you did was coercion under the basis of withholding information, its also just freak behaviour in general.

Anyways, you cut deep enough to get a scar and thats really all i wanted, its more sad you did it, despite being “so aware” of what im doing.

[vividaway]

mini analysis on the finale

yall im not even gonna lie..........i liked the season 5 finale. the concept that these are teenagers who have been beaten and worn down to a crisp to the point of multiple mental breakdowns from both marinette and adrien.........like of course marinette didn’t tell adrien. she’s a literal child, and she loves him, and honestly? its really not her PLACE to tell him. emilie knows about gabriels involvement with the miraculous. nathalie knows about EVERYTHING. there are multiple ADULTS who can step in and talk to him about this, and they chose not to. multiple people have said it: of COURSE adrien deserve to know, and i will be very upset if they never write in him finding out. but it also seems excessively cruel to do that to adrien. as far as adrien is aware, his dad was trying. he thinks his dad is a man chiseled away by depression and grief, who turned towards his works to cope with the loss. he believes there was a turning point where his father started to try. he allowed him to go to school, to make new friends and go to their house, allowed him to quit, started to show up to school events, and finally started to show him affection. adrien is none the wiser on WHY, and it feels extremely cruel to take away what little happy moments he had left with his father. what is the bare minimum to us, is literally EVERYTHING to adrien, and to me, that does mean something. to me, seeing gabriel sacrifice himself for adrien and his wife-- means EVERYTHING. it is what differentiates an evil, unrecoverable person, from a dynamic character who was never meant to be a good person. we were never meant to like gabriel. he’s the villain! but that doesn’t mean we aren’t supposed to be sympathetic to certain aspects of his journey.  i really do think his character was written well. gabriel is a bad, unredeemable man, who did one good action. i personally can’t look at gabriel from season one and say, “he shouldve sacrificed his life in place of his wives life sooner”, it feels wrong. gabriel from season 1 was EXTREMELY different from gabriel from season 5. we see him change (for the worse) over the course of five seasons. 

and the thing about how gabriel is written is like, its realistic. gabriel isnt just a cartoon villain from some kids show, he show’s patterns of real life villains as well. the manipulation, the lying, the guilt tripping, the abuse-- all of it. and thats why, i understand why some people are pissed he got redeemed. but for me, i see the build up. lila has the photographs from gabriels house, and she knews he was monarch. on top of this, it seems like she’s the successor to the butterfly miraculous. people know what he did, and its not just the people on the good side. i don’t see gabriel staying a sympathetic figure for much longer. but all this being said, i dont think it was the worst. the pacing was great, and the animation was top tier for me. theres so many episodes where i can predict whats going to happen next, but i couldn’t with this one. some thing about it just felt....special. like if you showed alyssa from 2016 the finale, i could literally die. no need to show a peasant child, just showing Season One Era fans what happened and how it looks and we’d just. die. everything about it 10x better than we couldve imagined. the writing, the animation, the pacing, the score, the dialogue, the way the world has expanded and been built up and how often we’re interacting with “background characters”.  for once, it felt like i was watching a real show, with a plot that made sense, and wasnt a dumpster fire. but...from reading the #MLBS5Spoilers tag....yall do NOT agree with my sentiments! and thats okay! 

[angstics]

i saw hitman a week or two ago and i liked it a bit more than you did but it honestly didnt click with me much until after glenn powells lie was revealed. I couldnt tell how seeiously the movie was taking its lie or what his characters vibes were actually supposed to be until then and it really fucked w both the suspense and the romance of the movie. After the reveal when it went full ridiculous i was like ok i can fuck w this but before that it was just ok if a little uncomfortable to watch our nice guy protagonist completely and repeatedly lie to his love interest while boning her with seemingly no guilt. Definitely not better than school of rock, mid tier linklater at best (has seen 2 linkater films)

I just finished it and it somehow got worse for me 😭 i wasnt bothered by him lying to her, that is classic romcom. But the tone was such nonsense. Am i supposed to cheer them on? I would if the “badass couples kill through problems” was more accentuated. That was almost there when he interrogated her while tapped but not quite. Am i supposed to be scared? I thought they were going for that when she revealed to him but that was quickly ignored. I thought this was going to be a cooky romcom but then actual murder happened. And i thought, okay maybe theyre still being realistic, maybe they’ll bring back The Power Of The Fair Judicial System (which they touched on with that woman who hired the hitman being let off) by Exonerating the Abused Wife. But that didnt happen. And they dont even turn into a crime family. So it isnt realistic, it isnt cooky, it isnt a thriller, it isnt a romcom… im not trying to find a genre to fit it into, but these genres have expectations and conventions built into them that guide youre thinking. Thats how you know how much youre supposed to suspend disbelief, how much youre supposed to side with what characters, etc. I dont know what im supposed to get out of this. Or i do know, im supposed to side with the couple. But i dont

Also: hated the ending (from plastic bag to Pie), hated the lessons that spoonfed you the themes, hated the voiceover that Also spoonfed you. Weird that glen powell was upset she wasnt legally divorced. Weird hang up. Bad. 👎 actors were ok

It was no Bound!

[nerves-nebula]

me and raph (shaking hands) _. having intrusive thoughts

(tw for intrusive thoughts)

My parents never told me anything about how to regulate them or whatever, if I mentioned them my parents would be like "HA you're weird. leave me alone". I tried telling someone at school once or something but they stopped talking to me because it was "too bad" smh. Never really talked to anyone about them after, even though I get some really bad ones.

Mine are all about death and injury and basically just people or things getting hurt, or me suddenly dying (oh no you're crossing the street! let's imagine your process of dying now :] <- an example). And I have this weird thing where usually I can't visualize anything in my head, BUT intrusive thoughts do not follow that rule so I could be just chilling and get the only visual thoughts of that hour/day/week and it'll be all messed up and make me feel ill and like a horrible person.

The worse ones I had was when I was about 13ish where I'd get routine thoughts of drinking blood and stuff. Like, I don't know why? but sometimes I'll get intrusive thoughts about that and eating raw meat <- this does not help the accusations held towards me that I am a vampire. Partly why I never have told anyone, because I've been called one (derogatory) by many people for most of my life.

I used to also get intrusive thoughts when I was really young that would turn into nightmares, but those nightmares and intrusive thoughts would gang up and for a few days after the nightmare I'd be completely terrified and barely able to do anything without having a panic attack. I have NO CLUE what that was but I'm well acquaintance with the horrors .

Honestly the worst part of intrusive thoughts to me is getting to that point where you recognize they're getting worse/darker because you're getting almost desensitized to the intrusive thoughts. Like I don't want to hurt people or see people get hurt but my brain!! for some reason! does!??

ANYWAYS that's a long way of saying "I appreciate Raph having them and not being treated like a terrible person because of it"

YO I ALSO IMAGINE DYING NEARLY EVERY TIME I CROSS THE STREET!! except for that one time i wasnt paying attention and got hit by a car. it's either "no thoughts head empty" or "what if you died violently?'

mine are mostly about sexual abuse and sexual acts & all that. That and violent deaths/accidents. (first year of college wasn't great for this cause I had to use a lot of power tolls and would be afraid that I'd zone out thinking about my skin being torn off and my bones being cut and then it'd ACTUALLY HAPPEN it was awful)

but some of the elaborate ones are about me being alone forever because I am an unpleasant person to be around, and a Disgusting Beast of a creature :)

REGARDLESS: glad my AU can help you! The brothers are nice to Raph about it cause for the most part, they understand. Splinter probably wouldn't be so kind... good thing he doesn't know about it!

[confessions-official]

idk what 2 warn this as. abuse?? grooming?? toxic relationship probably, sry. also the r, n, and f slur

when i was 13 i entered a long-distance "relationship" with (at the time) an australian 15 yearold and it was sososo great from what i can remember. my memory is shit so i cant remember very much from then but i remember it being very nice. we had a conversation about her feminity (at the time she didnt know she was trans) and i said some shit (HEAVILY paraphrasing) reminding her that she could just Be a girl if she wanted and then she Did. and then i had a girlfriend it was a very nice year. anyway.

few months after that it was fine but then everything kept dissolving into arguments. and idk if i'm just kinda fucked up and neurotic (i tend to react badly 2 rejection of any kind and that wasnt her fault whatsoever) but i think most of the arguments were about me being upset that we werent playing a game together or me feeling left out. we both had a mutual friend and we did so much shit together.

and then it just kept getting worse! the arguments escalated (or they were getting more direct i dont think it was ever about the games) and instead of games the arguments were about how she was treating me. i repeatedly accused her of ignoring the uglier parts of me in favor of my "caring nature". idk how to describe it. i strongly felt, and still kind of feel that she just wanted me to be her mommy who would shower her in endless affection, because whenever i would get into a gloomier mood (because of her or not, mostly not) she would take offense to it.

i also have. anger issues? idk i'm very reactive sometimes and it also forced a lot of arguments out over useless shit

i also sent her a package at some point with a hoodie and some fucking thigh socks she encouraged me to buy when i was eleven or ten. unfortunately it took like 4 months to show up and it felt like every single moment of our time together was her asking about the package. When was it coming has the status changed yet is it in australia yet? it pissed me off so much because it felt like she was just!! using me for clothes!! but i also understand because her family is a crock of shit who wouldn't accept or support her wearing or buying more feminine clothing, and this was one of the only ways she could feel girly.

it eventually bubbled over to the point where i blocked her on all social media platforms and we began arguing heatedly over email. and she sent me this wonderful string of emails where she was kissing/asking to kiss me (something that i fucking HATE – i do not want to be flirted with or called petnames while we argued, i nake this very clear), telling me that we both loved each other, and sent methis fantastic fucking email about how she was excited to see me hang myself on facebook whilst also calling me an unlovable neurodivergent retard.

i have it saved on my phone and it honestly makes me laugh now because of how fucking weirdly its worded. like a bad 4chan copypasta. but anyway lol

that hit especially awful at the time bc i was researching autism because i was 99% sure something wasnt clicking in my brain AND i was having ongoing issues with my mom. i had a massive breakdown in which i stopped speaking to her for 6 months which were the most miserable points of my life. i had to switch emails bc she just kept spamming me while i was having a meltdown!

i think i just got overbearingly lonely at that point bc sometime in 2023 iirc i reached out to her again and we got back together! somehow.

the arguments got even worse and we were on-and-off for a Long time. i was regularly blocking her and arguing with her every other day-ish and jesus fucking christ it was awful! Bad!!!

then our mutual friend turned out to be transphobic and she continued being friends with him ?! and this still really confuses me bc.. i remember being in a voice call with him and he was repeatedly using the incorrect pronouns and did not respond seriously when i corrected him. and i brought it up with her multiple times and she was like Naw dont worry about it??? idk man maybe theres something i was missing???

there was also this time that i told her about how i got groomed twice when i was younger because i trusted her to not tell anyone about it. and then she turned around and Told Our Mutual Friend about it. >_>

AND THE WHOLE GENDER SHIT i'm someone who uses every/all pronouns interchangably and is somewhat genderfluid. i came out to her multiple times because she. kept forgetting i wasnt cis!

at the time i was just using "all pronouns" but my gf kept using feminine terms for me and she/her prns for me and i kept asking her to stop doing that. but she did not. so it turned into an argument where i was telling her that i didnt want her to cherrypick the parts of my identity she liked the most and that i wasnt even a woman. it took her multiple months afterwards to even Begin using masculine terms for me >_> altho it is mainly my fault because i didnt really specify what i meant by "all pronouns" (but she also never asked !?)

recently, about 3~ weeks ago, like a week before my bday, we broke up again. this time it was way messier because i'm not moving my email again. its also permanent i would rather someone put me down than make me go back to talking to her

i finally realized that a newly 15 year old Shouldn't be dating someone who was going to turn 18 in the same fucking year! i blocked her on everything, bur she still had my email so we were arguing over Email again. she went on a racist tangent, repeatedly calling me a stupid white girl and refering to me with the n-slur in the same sentence (i am of mixed race). she also told me it was fine because she was also mixed race and "i'm calling you my homie" which is. yeah! i think she also said something abt me being a fag or whatever but maybe not. i deleted most of her emails as they came in so i dont remember >_>

i also said some awful transphobic shit to her about her pretending to be a girl so she could get closer to me which i. cannot say how much i regret saying that awful crap! it's definitely not reflective of my opinions and my morals, i was trying to get under her skin at the time and more some fucking reason that seemed like the best thing to dig my nails into. it was fucked up with me and if things werent like how they are i would apologize for it immediately.

i havent talked to her since the racist shit nor do i really want to but shes began spamming me with different accounts on another social media platform we're both on. and idk what im going to end up doing about it other than blocking.

these last like 3 years have been Dog Shit i tell ya! sorry 4 the long ask also DEAR GOD ??

 

[ankhisms]

have experienced what feels like 800 emotions in rapid succession on a rollercoaster today and it hasnt even really been a bad day honestly or anything im fine you know how it is

my mood swings have just been a lot stronger than they usually are since thats one of the biggest things my meds are for theyre like supposed to be a mood swing stabelizer but anyway

something that im aware is related to my more severe paranoia and obsessive compulsive issues but is less severe and more just adjacent to those is like being scared that im somehow a hypocrite about various random things or that im somehow secretly an awful horrible person who hurts people and does bad things without me even realizing that im doing that. im also aware that this very much stems from the way my abuser treated me and also the behavior of ""friends"" i had when i was younger who just now as im older i realize honestly didnt even like me and kept me around to make fun of me and be cruel to me together as a kind of group bonding thing.

which sucks because when im doing self soothing techniques and trying to calm myself down or even just approaching these thoughts and talking myself thru things it can be hard to counter the fear of "what if my friends or people i know in general actually talk together about how im an awful person and they hate me or talk together about how ive done something wrong without telling me?" with "no thats not fair or true and not based in reality" because it very much WAS reality for me. not in the sense of me having done something "wrong" in the past with those ""friends"" but like them being cruel to me and making fun of me when i wasnt around and the things i did ""wrong"" were just my autistic traits and other symptoms of my various mental things especially during that period of my life where i was completely unmedicated and had just gotten away from my abuser and was still in the awful school environment of being harrassed every single day.

anyway its really like. i know i shouldnt worry about this, rationally i know this. but just because i know something isnt rational it doesnt make my brain stop obsessively thinking about it so its like i could see someone saying "i hate when people go to the moon and jump up and down and sing the abcs" (ridiculous example bc i cant think of anything else) and i could at first go oh yeah i get that and like their post but then my brain will go but what if ive done that without realizing it and they see me liking their post and they go "ugh rey this post is about YOU and people like you and youre such a hypocrite and dont even know it" and the spiral begins. and in the end i guess all of this just goes to show that having people pretend to be friends with you only to hate you and ridicule you and pick apart every little thing you do behind your back really fucks you up.

also thinking about the ex close friend who cut me off out of nowhere with no explanation for seemingly no reason about a year or so ago now and ive continued to have kind of taking off the rose tinted glasses moments where i loved and cherished this friend so much that i excused how shitty they treated me at different times. not at all saying they are or were a bad person or that there was any abuse going on or anything like that but im just realizing that we both come from dysfunctional abusive families and we both have our own physical and mental problems and so throughout our friendship we both mightve not made the best choices or couldve handled things better and im not exempt from that. but also i realized that he would not tell me if i had done something to upset him and it would be like a guessing game for me and would really stress me out and make me feel awful

and its like. now as im older i would want to be able to talk things out and understand what had happened and be able to apologize and work on doing better. and in general thats something i really try my best on like i think in the past i would really get stuck in obsessively overthinking in self analyzing and get into moral obsessive compulsive spirals that just ended up hurting myself more than helping me grow, and anyway i always want to be able to step back and look at myself and my actions and be willing to listen if someone tells me ive done something hurtful or that i need to re-examine my behavior and beliefs, i think im pretty good at listening to people about stuff like that and have gotten much better about not falling into those spirals i just mentioned and examining myself in smaller healthier doses

but at the same time i do really get worried that people just arent telling me that theyre upset with me or that ive done something wrong or hurt them in some way. i really just want to be a good friend to people and i dont want people to be scared of coming to me and talking with me if ive done something to hurt them or to just talk about things with me in general and i dont want people to think im so fragile and mentally fucked up that theyd be scared of upsetting me by telling me id done something hurtful and letting it fester instead. i dont want to hurt people i want to spend my life making people happy and helping people and being a good friend, thats what i want most out of my relationships in life overall. i want to make people feel content and happy and safe.

but idk i just get scared. please be honest with me be upfront with me be blunt with me even i know im traumatized but i wont shatter into a million pieces if you tell me youre upset with me ill appreciate you being honest about it and ill stop whatever it was i was doing or work on it. i know im bad with social cues bc of autism and if i misunderstand something or say something inappropriate/out of my lane due to this please just tell me yknow

i really hate that my brain is like this and that having been abused and mistreated in the past has made me struggle like this because i want to trust that people arent talking badly about me or angry with me secretly i dont want to be so paranoid i dont want people to feel like they cant be honest with me or that im made of glass and that ill shatter if they tell me theyre upset with me, i want to trust that the people in my life like me and dont secretly hate me and im really trying hard but paranoia isnt something i can just magically wave away yknow its something im probably going to be dealing with for most of my life and im always kind of scared that people are going to get tired of my paranoia

despite living in survival mode constantly i still love all the people in my life a lot and i just want everyone to be happy and safe and i always wish there was more i could do to help everyone and i want everyone to be able to thrive and to be living comfortably and have all their needs met and to get all the help they need i love everyone a lot i want everyone to be okay and yeah

have also been majorly overthinking about if i want to do something that im being vague about as i ramble about it which i know is silly and its not even like something bad or negative but i just keep overthinking about the possible what if scenarios of oh what if i do this and they react really badly and cut me off and never want to talk to me again and due to this im also unfortunately like overthinking most things recently and being even MORE scared than usual of coming off as weird or being weird and making people uncomfortable but aint that just the way yknow. ill either do it or ill be a coward

anyway besides that my days been pretty decent its a lovely early autumn day. after typing this all i realized im probably feeling super emotional and weird because i just started my period lmao but thanks if you read this i love u mwah

[star-mum]

Live Star Reaction - Saw II

im eating popcorn (hooray) so I'm writing this one handed, I apologize for any typos

OH MY GOD !!!! I WAS GONNA SAY THE KEY WAS IN HIS EYE BUT I WASNT FAST ENOUGH

damn I guess I'd just die on this one, let's make a list at the end of this of which Saw Traps I could REALISTICALLY survive and which ones I'd give up on

Venus Fly Trap: absolutely dying, at least it'd be quick

awn man I hope our friend from the last movie survived (I don't remember his name, the journalist)

"i haven't heard from you" yeah I fucking wonder why

(hope he didn't get Saw Trapped)

Are rhey gonna have a weird forced romance? i hope not :/

WHAT ? DONT APOLOGIZE TO HIM !!! HE'S AN ASSHOLE !!!

THEY'RE JUST GONNA GET HIM ????? cute ceramics bowl by way

CREEEEPY DOLL SHIT !!! Aaaand now they're dead, sucks to suck i guess

"get on your knees" *is on a wheelchair* "I don't think so 😌"

"the problem in that room" oh his son got saw trapped daaaaaammnnn

is it all their families ???

"tell me where he is" YES OF COURSE, HE DID ALL OF THIS ONLY TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER RIGHT AWAY

hey guy ik you're spiraling but this 9 year bullshit isn't helping anybody

AMANDA ?????? DAAAAMMNN TWICE IN A ROW GIRLIE ?????

the FIRST thing she did when she woke up was check the back of her head, thats a fucked up attention to detail

did he tattoo the numbers on the back of their heads ? and do theu have to go in order of the rainbow? they're all swearing different colors

or maybe in order of the names (like the initials that match the colors)

hello door, what is this about?

IS IT OUR BUDDY FROM THE LAST MOVIE ????

or is this part of the game?

"while your coming up with a game plan, im getting out of here" if by here you mean the living plain then yeah, I'd have to agree

WHAT DID HE DO 5 YEARS AGO ????? OOOOHHHH GET HIS ASS BRO

"could you get me a glass of water" ... i didn't know you got water... in this creepy lil hideout

this is driving me insane: is that Penelope Cruz ? (i have actor face blindness so I have truly have No Idea if they're even similar)

that's a fun little scavenger hunt we're going on 😊

WHO IS THAT ????? oh ;-; ew ;-;

have they all had issues with the law ? cause those 3 have been arrested and the kid just got got at the beginning of the movie, besides all the investigation stuff Im sure she got in trouble for the drug abuse

"he kidnapped me in the middle of the night" YEAH YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SPECIAL BLONDIE, SHUT THE FUCK UP (ik she's dying but she's annoying also, im sure there's a fucked reason why she's here)

who would've thunk that going into a furnace would've been a bad idea

gotta be one of the top 3 worst ways to go honestly

KSKSKSKS John Kramer is a fucking yapper, love that

get your hand away from the teenage boy, Laura

"started in jail" I TOLD YOU !!!!!!

DID HIS FATHER ARREST EVERYONE HERE ????? that'd be crazy actually

THAT IS SO FUCKED KKSKSKSS "it'll be like finding a needle in a haystack haha" HE'S SO CUNTY ABOUT IT

MOTHERFUCKER !!! HE JUST CHUCKED HER IN HERE !!! OH I HOPE HE DIES NEXT

I say we kill this guy, i mean who's gonna check if one more person dies in this place

"no more talking" we haven't done ANY TALKING cause of your INSUFFERABLE ASS

"i know how this guy works, he's playing a game" oh what privileged information that he aLREADY GAVE US DIRECTLY, YOU USELESS FUCKING BITCH

"you may not remember them but they definitely remember you" DO I JUST HAVE A HUGE BRAIN ?????

HE DID TATTOO IT ON PEOPLE !!!! IM SO SMART !!! I'D SURVIVE THIS TRAP !!!!

is the big guy gonna go around killing folks to check the numbers, cause that's stupid

LEEEEEESSSS GOOOOOOOO !!! KICK HIS ASS BRO

oh please dont die ;-; awn man ;-; i hate this guy

"you two are on your own" no... You're on your own, they're together (for now at least)

he's not focusing on the colors, how is he gonna remember the right order

if detective lady was serious about stopping bad cop n1, she would've shot him

"I'll take you to the house" bby girl do you REALLY THINK he's taking you there

IS JOHN GONNA MAKE HIM CRASH THE CAR ???? He survived once, he could do it again (i really hope he does honestly)

IS A FAKE FLOOR ?????

IS THE BIG TWIST THAT AMANDA WAS HELPING KRAMER THIS WHOLE TIME ????? That'd be fucking lit actually

oh shit he did take him to the house, alright damn maybe force does work

... why is Penelope Cruz not screaming anymore?? THAT'S NOT THE HOUSE !!!! IT'S A FAKE ?????

OH HEY FIRST MOVIE BBY LES GO

awn he dead ;-;

KILL HIM WITH THE SAW !!!!!

"how are you gonna know your number if i dint tell you?" *doesn't fucking hesitate* THAT IS DERANGED !!!!! WOOOOOWWWW

IT WAS A FAAAAAAAAKEEEEEE !!!!!!! THAT'S CRAZY

IS IT A FAKE HOUSE OR RECORDED FEED ?????

IT'S RECORDED !!! OF FUCKING COURSE THAT'S WHY IT WAS SI DARK AND THE BODIES LOOKED LIKE THAT!! THATS WHY PENELOPE WASN'T FUCKING SCREAMING ANYMORE !!!!!

hey guys, ik it's the point but I can't see shit !!!

WHAT THE FUCK ???? (pig mask is so fucking creepy)

where they here the entire time ? THAT'S CRAZY !!!!!!

IS THE ENDING THE SETUP FOR THE THIRD MOVIE ????

WAS THIS A REVENGE PLOY FOR AMANDA ????? YEEEAAAAHHHHHH !!!!! LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOOOO

are you like so proud of me? except for parts I spewed insane garbage that had nothing to do with the plot : DD

is Kramer dead ??????

[broken-in-chains]

I hope you rot in hell first because YOU started this

You knew I wasn't poly because he ASKED ME FOR YOU and TOLD YOU that I wasn't

You also knew we didn't do multiple partner systems, which we were his partner system at the time. I rarely spoke to the guy I was "dating" in his because I feared speaking there for good reasons, he hated coming out and I wasn't gonna fucking do what he did to us and FORCE people to front.

I am not poly. You were, you were fucking MARRIED in your system.

"You don't love me the way I love you" how about we talk about how MANIPULATIVE you were by saying this? Which by the way, you said while I was working on getting away from his system, and you knew this information.

How else do I react to that when you fucking KNEW my mind wasn't clear from the 2 years of abuse I endured. I told you what he did, how he treated us, what he fucking did and said and you KNEW I WASNT OKAY.

I wasn't away from them when you fucking said it. I had a serious trauma bond with them, you yourself said that. YOU pointed it out. YOU KNEW.

Then you pressure me to leave them, which I tried to but the trauma bond wasn't letting me fully leave. They were fucking drunk every night because they knew I was trying to leave. They kept us chained like a dog because they knew we couldn't leave, they knew we would want to help. We left their server, unfriended them on discord and other places, but kept on simply plural because we had a hope. What caused it? The trauma bond. We were manipulated for so long that our mind was WARPED. You fucking knew how bad our mindset was.

Then you fucking compare me to him during a split. It hurt. I didn't hold it against you because I don't unhealthily dwell on the past like you do.

Can you change your past? Answer honestly.

You can't change the past, but you can make your future.

Your future was to fucking get upset with me over small lies. What lies?

"I'm okay." Any other fucking person would be there for someone, but you got MAD at me. You lied to me.

Hypocritical. Very much so coming from someone who values the truth as unhealthy as you do. No one tells the truth 100% of the time and neither do you.

You fuckin went behind my back to contact him. You fucking told ME not to ever reply or contact him and I listened. Why doesn't that also apply to you?

Hypocritical. Liar. Manipulator.

And then you claim I was fucking cheating. Which again, hypocritical coming from you. Youre literally fucking married in your headspace and knew I wasn't poly. Technically, if we wanna play by your rules...

You cheated on me. You dated someone else while with me. I had NO romance with Leonard. At all. I never spoke to him, saw him or anything. I didn't love him and you knew.

And now you hope I rot? Call me a cheater? Other names? Yet the "apology" I got from you for your splitting was 2 sentences long and I wrote paragraph upon paragraph.

"I was the best you'll ever have" Narcissistic much? Get your fucking ego out of here. You weren't and I regret loving you.

Go rot in the abyss, liar, cheater, manipulator, abuser. I hate you. Hope you fucking read this, you piece of fucking GARBAGE.

[gothicafish]

My comments on my omfd S1 rewatch

Episode 1:

-Stede literally went out and bought that pirate hat and was like dammmm THATS what pirates wear...in his full gentalmens get up

-i love how in episode 1 the entire crew treats stede as their cringe dad love that dynamic off the bat

-Lucius is definitely the older sibling of the revenge family the way he's constantly putting out fires

-do you think that when lucius told stede he was the only crew member who could read that's when he decided to start reading to them ??

-also I just paused at random (-28.07) and what is this picture ?? His kids??

-also in the beginning when stede (Lucius) is Journaling stede says that normally if a pirate doesn't steal his food he doesn't eat so he pays his crew a salary [and provides food] every week ko matter what. So I wonder if the crew will be a Lil bit peeved when stede comes back and has renownced all his family's wealth ? (Honestly I don't think they will bc it's just normal pirate culture AND they've set of the narrative so that the crew is on stedes side no matter what)

-ALSO considering what being a pirate was like (culture of abuse) I don't understand why the crew wasn't THRILLED that they got a salary, food provided and a place to stay with minimal risk of dying horribly (the way pirates normally expected ??) I know it's kinda a plot device so that they do a 180 and accept stede and a kind of symbolism for masculinity but like dawg a weekly salary for just hangin out on a boat ??? Sign me up

-Why did stede bring so much fabric and sewing materials with him to sea ???? Broski wasn't even planning on making a flag ?

-also if anybody ever tells you people font change just remember in the span of two weeks (a month ??? I don't know the time frame) black pete went from "sewing is women's work!!" To getting topped by the potatoes while wee john watched.

-i dont agree with people who say stede was a bad father stede had to have been good father with the way he treats the crew. Inattentive maybe but not bad.

-love my dude buttons

-the fact that Jim didn't make a flag

-love that buttons can tell if three black dots look spanish but still told stede to go after a British naval vessel

-also love that they decided not to kill stede bc lucius couldn't do the voices

-in this family dynamic stede (and eventually ed) are their fathers and buttons is their uncle

-I love buttons fangs; also love stede reaction to them

-why did stede put his robe on ?? Emotional support robe ?? That makes a lot of sense actually

-"some of us thrive on danger" gets me everytime

-I love that stede has a menty breaky first ep

-EVERYBODY HIDE !

-why is everyone but lucius wearing a wig

-LET HIM PICK FLOWERS (get me a shirt that says that)

-"oh I bet it does"

- I want stede to stop acting normal and show them how fucking crazy he is

-The first time I watched ofmd I spent soo long trying to figure out if this was actually Shane madej (when it's obviously NOT)

-I think this show pavloved me into a state of yearning when I hear High on a Rocky Ledge by Moondog

-also I 100% believe stede is strong enough to drive a sword through a man's skull

- in the song when he sings "how many times I've been up to see her goodness knows" matches up with Jim taking off their wax nose lmao

-I hope when they dropped the disguise later on in the season, Jim would come out and listen to stede read too.

- DYING TO BE WITH HER WASNT ANY SACRIFICE

[dionysus-philosophy]

I'm basically screaming out to the void on this one. This is technically a vent where I accept criticisms and advice.

TW/CW: Mentions of abuse, violence, manipulation, general relationship conflict, mentions of suicide attempt and suicide in general, self harm, slurs, overdose, threats, mentions of ejaculation, sexual topics and acts, substance abuse, mild cussing, generally triggering content

Tags have been added to for those looking to block certain tags

Do not read if any of these topics trigger you!

My partner and I are polyamorous and we have been together for over 5 years. I have no partners (by choice because Im focusing on my self-growth) at the moment, and my partner has a few. One of them lives with us. It started under weird circumstances last summer that led to us inviting him to come live with us because he lived in a homeless shelter and was getting aggressive with other people. Whether you believe in the metaphysical or not, I have always had a tried and true intuition that was telling me that maybe we shouldn't allow him to live with us, but I can't argue that he shouldn't have housing because of a gut feeling (even though it's never incorrect), and leaving a fellow trans person on the streets left a bad taste in my mouth, so I allowed it.

Little run down of this person: he has a laundry list of conditions, including but not limited to BPD, bipolar disorder, kleptomania, autism, hallucinations, etc. He acts like a 15 year old at 21 and can never handle conflict, regardless if he's on his meds or talking with a therapist. He will also often twist whatever happened in a conflict to make himself look like the victim if he talks with a therapist or friends (only the ones we're not friends with) and they end up giving the wrong advice as a result and it just furthers the conflict. He is absolutely addicted to weed and alcohol (most times he takes them together) to the point of willing to deal with seizures to cope with shit his meds would have helped with because he developed a sensitivity to THC for a bit. I believe his addiction to weed has influenced his brain to the point of actual concern. He is a major hypocrite and knows this. He also downplays or outright denies my disabilities, what words are slurs, and what my upbringing was like. He yelled at me that spaz was not a slur when I, someone who has been called that a lot, said that it was. He is quick to use slurs in general, especially retard, despite my boundary of not saying that around me, but gets mad if I say it, despite being on the spectrum, too. He's even denied my transness because I am not so desperate to kill myself like he has been before (even though he missed the 8 horrible years of me being trans in public school with closed-minded parents where I actually almost did commit suicide because i felt alone and like i wasnt enough), am not on testosterone, and I'm generally fine being a bit more femme, even though I've said I kind of identify with the term twink to describe myself.

To make a long story short, he has repeatedly abused my partner in every possible way. My partner has risked harm to himself to try keeping this person alive because he has consistent refused to prioritize his medications in favor of testosterone (even though he has a great voice and passes well already, which is his main concern). We have kept him from cutting, from overdosing on medication, from setting himself on fire when we took the meds away, and hiding knives before he takes them and hides them for later use against us. This person has threatened violence against my partner and I, including threatening my partner with a knife (and admitting he did so to scare him, not because he actually wanted to hurt him). The ER doctor advised us to stay at a friend's house one night. This was when he sliced his hand open when trying to take back the knife he threatened my partner with, and we had to convince him to go because he refused to initially. When we honestly told the doctor that he tried to kill himself, that he was stopped, but injured himself with the knife he threatened to kill my partner with, he said they couldn't hold him unless he had intent to actually kill himself or hurt someone else while he was there, so that if he was returned home, we should stay at a friend's house. However, this person booked it when he could and then said the only way we were finding him was as a corpse. That was enough to put him in holding when he complied when found later. He does not respect the boundaries that he agreed to. The episode that resulted in a cut hand was over whether or not my partner came in me or not (weird thing to obsess over, especially when he could have asked me because he knows I don't lie and that I hate lying). And now, because I mentioned that I felt secure in myself in not needing hookups, he has completely acted out like a child. Sure, I said that, but more out of what the conversation was about and stating a fact about myself. There was no meaning behind it, and I never meant for it to come off a certain way. He first pretended like everything was fine and then bitched to my partner for hours about what i said, including using aggressive language in regards to me. And in all of the hypotheticals and past (resolved) problems he decided to bring up, he threatened violence against me, both for himself and to see how my partner would react. My partner is discouraging any violence, but refuses to take sides because this isn't his conflict and he doesn't want his partner to think that he is picking a side (because he has threatened suicide or violence if he even thinks that my partner doesn't agree with him).

I'm exhausted.

In the year I've known him, I'm seeing actual patterns of abuse, noticing that he does these things intentionally, having my own mother and friends (both with and without similar conditions) advise that he either needs to heal and do better or my partner will have to leave him for our safety. Even my partner is thinking of ending our lease early and going as far as moving to a different part of the country, if not just finding a different apartment and ending things with this person. The friends with BPD and bipolar are HORRIFIED of all the stuff they've either witnessed or heard me tell them. I wish I trusted my gut feeling more to set my foot down and I am angry every single day that my partner has to deal with this BS and there's nothing I can do to help him (at least not in a way that is actually productive). I try to be understanding of his conditions, and I know that especially with BPD, what looks like manipulation and abuse are often just trauma responses that they need help managing, but it's becoming too much. I'm tired of the abuse, the lying, the manipulation. I'm so fucking tired. My partner put himself in massive amounts of debt to find a better place after getting screwed over by a different landlord and has never asked this person for any repayment. He has even offered to pay for this person's entire trip back to his original state to stay with a friend because he will often act like he's breaking up with my partner, but when my partner does everything to try and accommodate his feelings and take on every moving cost to keep him from attempting suicide once he's settled, he'll turn it around and act as if my partner is trying to break up with him.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm done with the mind games, I'm tired of seeing my partner be spent to his last thread trying to help this person only for all our efforts to be in vain because he cannot do the bare minimum when we give him so many opportunities to go to therapy, get back on his meds, and better cope with his conditions. I try to remind myself that when he is doing these things, it's not what he truly thinks or wants to do, but we can't keep doing this especially when he has admitted to doing abusive things intentionally, and my partner refuses to prioritize his well-being. All abuse resources often give advice relating to "average" people and none for when a person's mental problems are worse than just depression. Does anyone know what to do? I'm at my wits end here, and I'm genuinely lost.

[r0mantic-h0micide]

i was writing more posts but they all were about my abuser and then i would start to dissociate and stare. then the thought of what i was saying would leave my brain and i couldnt finish what i was trying to say. so maybe its best that i just dont talk about it. theres no point in talking about it anyway, is there? i mean really, if you think about it, theres no point. whats done is done. nothing can change what happened to me. sometimes i wish it hadnt left me as broken as i am, but ive accepted things as they are for the most part.

sometimes i just wish people knew. i think it would make everything so much more clear. if people knew what happened between myself and my abuser, i think theyd understand more about me. but maybe its what happened between myself and zachariah that would help people understand better. my abuser was mostly physically abusive. for the most part, i suppose there isnt much to tell there.

but zachariah was different. it was deeper. he took my nothingness and turned it to pain and anger. he pulled me out of myself, all the way to the surface, just to suffocate me even more. and whats worse is that he had me begging for it. suddenly, one day, he turned the emptiness into burning rage and thats all i could feel for a long time. still, there are pieces of my memory that my brain has hidden away, but i remember the rage, even if its a vague and shadowy picture.

there arent enough words to even begin to explain how he made me feel. it was the high of my life. he made me feel special, like i was the only one he had ever cared about, even though i knew he wasnt capable of caring for anyone. even though i knew, if he wanted, i would be dead. but that was it, wasnt it? he chose not to. he chose to keep me around when he was so clear that when he was done with me, he would throw me away. to me, he was higher than god. an untouchable being that i was lucky to even be speaking to.

i never tell anyone anything about zachariah because then theyd know. theyd know that i am fucked up beyond repair. the things that he groomed me to find attractive are dangerous. i hate being looked at like im crazy. i didnt ask to be this way. i dont know anything different and i never had a chance to. sometimes, some of the things that i think to myself, make me sick to my stomach.

and its a burden that i bear alone because no one would understand and even if they did, its not like that would make it any better. i know its bad. i know my internal monologue is grotesque. im the one fighting it everyday. and sometimes i just wish that people knew that im trying so hard to change. and i wish they knew that i had to change. and i wish they knew why.

but every time i explain even just a little bit of how i felt about zachariah, how i still feel about zachariah, i have to see horror painted across that person's face. to me, its all ive known. to me, it was normal. there are still things that im learning arent normal that i thought were completely normal.

i wish things could have turned out differently. im pretty accepting of what has happened to me in my past. there isnt anything that i can do now. and honestly with the way i grew up, i didnt have much of a chance of turning out normal anyway. but i wish i could look at that little 11 year old girl and tell her that everything is okay and that she doesnt need to turn to strangers on the internet for validation. i wish i could tell her to do things differently.

its not something i spend my time beating myself up for. whats done is done. living life in regret isnt something i want for myself, its also just not who i am. but i'd like to think theres another world out there with another version of me where that little 11 year old was outside playing with friends instead of inside wishing she was dead because no one loved her. instead of turning to the internet for something that even resembled attention. and then she grew up with a normal high school experience and was nice and made friends. its comforting to think that, even if i have to go through all this pain, she doesn't.