#like. cringe culture might be dead but posting shit like this makes me feel like its going to come back but just for me in particular

[thatdeadaquarius]

Was reading thru ur answered asks again (also hey lol i CAME BACK--) and like. Oh my god. It gave me The Most Idea.

So you get isekaied to Teyvat right? They hear your og language, they revere every single worf from your mouth, yadda yadda yadda. But like. How does SLANG AND THE OTHER ASPECTS OF UR OG LANGUAGE translate. I am having VERY heavy flashbacks to Pokemons "jelly filled donuts".

So like-- for example: (this is the first one that came to my head dont judge me i am tumblr trash) (lets also assume that traveler has perfect understanding of ur language and slang and all the nuances of it)

Lets say you and the traveler were hanging out with some of the Vision holders, and the traveler had some shenanigans and pranks or something planned. After they pull their shit, you say "i hate you so much (affectionate)". Which kind of throws the Vessels in for a loop because like-- their god literally just said they HATED someone. And hate is a PRETTY STRONG WORD. So they should DEFINITELY strike them down for catching their gods ire but-- AFFECTIONATE????? how does one hate someone affectionately???????? Does this mean their god hates the traveler but decided to recind their hate last second? Is it some form of Divine and Holy emotion that cannot be described by the mere words of their language????

Meanwhile youre just there vibin and having a blast with the traveler while you casually give them a philosophical crisis AHAHAHA

Another example is shortened words-- because i know teyvat doesnt have shit like "ily" or "omg" or "lmao" or "fyi" or "brb". Because honestly, without the cultural knowledge and background of the internet, these sets of letters are just fucking GIBBERISH.

And i know that like-- i know enough internet slang abbreviations that i can literally just talk in jumbles of letters, so how in the WORLD would the vessels interpret that? Because its very clear that their god is just using the letters of their language, HELL they might even use Teyvatian letters so what in the world are they saying????

So theyd just hear a convo between the traveler and reader thats like:

Reader: traveler, i gtg asap; tldr i forgot some stuff back in the cr brb

Traveler: wait fr?

Reader: yeah fr

Traveler: lol f

Reader: (sighs) ffs man-- anyways brb for real

Traveler: cya

And the vessels are just watching the exchange like "huh?? What????? What just happened here??????" And theyre just wondering if they used teyvatian to talk in the "divine language of the gods" but nah-- yall are just dickin around AHAHA

Hey, so it came to my attention some of this was AAVE, and while i am southern so things like "ya'll" got included w/o me thinking - thats not an excuse for me to use this as a white person.

so if you wouldnt mind letting me please know if i do this as we talk abt language more and more - i do not want to repeat shit like this again.

I'm genuinely sorry to any black readers out there.

I've personally seen and cringed with you when I see imagines/reader things that assume a white person as default,

All I can do in ur eyes is promise that I am actively putting a stop to my ignorance of things like AAVE, and ask for forgiveness (which you arent obligated to give, never feel that way).

So with that in mind, read the ask below with caution, although it has since been edited.

____

ITS YOU!! >:D

A treat for ur ask my liege 🤲🍪✨️

I think u were literally the first asker after my first SAGAU/Isekai language brainrot post!! Omg u came back with a banger LMAO

What in the public menace is this...

(Gif is traveler and u pranking bitches)

Traveler knowing our world + language + SLANG?? INTERNET?? is SUCH A CONCEPT

So much room for inside jokes

I absolutely love the first one u said about phrases these days/gen z ig? slang

Its like so dramatic now that i think about it

Hate / love / dead / die / just straight up threats towards ur friends as affection or if theyre annoying u 😭

So many explicitives that make it hit harder too "go fucking die, my love <3"

^^^Or yeah like contradictions lol

♤

I think it was @nexylaza (srry abt the tag!) who replied to one of my earlier asks about blunt language how that might sound like to Teyvatians like ur emotions sound more extreme than what u actually feeling (which makes sense ur literally using hate = mildly dislike LMAO)

Same situation here like what u said ^^^

♧

(Ok i did lovely Aether awhile back so we'll go w/ Lumine this time! <3 u Aether!!)

.

*idk at an event/party for your arrival or something, and ya hungry fucks r hoarding the buffet table lol 🍻

.

You: "Shut the fuck up Lumine-"

Lumine: "Why r u pouring ur drink like ur in a earthquake lmao? Shaky hands lol"

.

*The immediate area of people around you go dead silent

*Lumine laughs

💀💀!!

.

Lumine: "Your gonna miss our cups LMAO"

You: "Bitch!" (u grinnin too lol)

.

*the whole rooms now quiet 😭

.

Lumine: "Don't spill- 🤣"

You: "I fucking hate you u whore <3"

(And u give the most genuine like abt to laugh smile🥰 )

.

*...a confused and kinda scared tension fills the room lol

*So poor Noelle, is like, oh. my. god. Creator is that upset with Lumine?? I must try to see what happened, how I can help! I dont remember Lumine doing anything bad to them! Shes wonderful y u do this to her 🥲

.

Noelle: "Uh, um, e-excuse me? Is every-everything al-alright, Y-y-your Majesty?"

You: "Huh? Yeah why??"

Noelle: "...w-well..."

UR FACE LIKE "😗?" LMFAO

.

*The room is staring at Lumine, in a mix of like shock, fear, and a little admiration for taking ur hate?? mood swing??? so well,,

theyre just waiting on Noelle to get an answer from you as to why you hate someone u seemed to care so much about, esp since they were ur first vessel 💀

look what you did their poor hearts u gonna give them a heart attack soon

.

Noelle: "A-a-a-a-are y-y-you s-sure??"

SHE IS SWEATIN

You: "🤨🤨??"

.

*Lumine finally notices why theyre all quiet and kinda concerned looking, bc u sure as hell wouldnt 😭 (i mean it is normal speech for u)

.

And Lumine's like: "No Noelle we're all good! It's just how Your Grace's home world, er, speaks for slang? Its overexagerated purposely dont worry love"

...

...

*Im sure they dont all believe her (or even you if u tell them 😭) and are just like,, REALLY NERVOUS CHUCKLING WHILE LIKE SWEATING-

And it takes a good like 10 minutes for the conversations to start getting back to their volume again, and they all still are looking over their shoulder checking on you guys 😰

.

(U did pour drinks w/o spillin tho🍻)

♡

THE TEXTING SLANNGGG

Ok, but u and Lumine would fucking write letters to people, and being the little shits pranksters u are,

(Bc u kno Teyvat dont got nothing else bc we're in the medival ages, besides having cameras- 🙄 )

And u guys r constantly-

"oh yes yes, that sounds all well and good Keqing, please inform the Qixing that I'll be there ASAP"

AND THEN-

"oh haha, silly me, i forgot that only Lumine/you get that stuff, sorryyyy 😋!!!"

SOME PUBLIC MENACES LMFAO PLEASE

.

And it just spreads to ALLLL the official documents u write or literally any letters sent to anybody-

And everyone else is feeling like the friend that got sacrificed to walk in the grass instead of the sidewalk 💀💀

While also being like "??¿?¿??? 🥲🥲😀😀???"

Is this ancient code?? Why does Lumine get to know it??

Why dont the like??? really old deities understand it??!!

But then nerds like Tighnari, Albedo, Alhaitham, Zhongli, Sucrose, Ayaka, Kokomi, Xingqiu, Childe, Yanfei, Shenhe, Kazhua, Sara, Ayato, Heizou, Cyno, Kaeya

Try to "solve" the letters or slang, poor things and not a single one of them gets it (y did u do this to them lmao)

(God i finally looked at a character list so i wouldnt leave anyone out, but theres so many of these fucks by now help)

^^^But all these ppl try to solve it in different ways/for different reasons that im too lazy to type out individually, u can see it right??

Some see this as an ancient scholarly code thing, some of them think of it like a rlly hard puzzle, and some just rlly want to put the mental effort into knowing/not being left out 😭😭

.

And if anybody happens to see some letter exchanges w/ Lumine or like any written responses, you do not. stop. using. text slang. back to back.

(Like what u put in the ask💀)

And its so miserable for those characters mentioned especially, bc they look like scrambled letters 😭

.

Honestly them seeing u two talk to each other via letters just proves that the letters even mean anything at all to them, bc how did u understand each other, otherwise???!!

.

(No one would ever realize u guys were fucking around unless u told them 💀)

✨️Sorry✨️this✨️isnt✨️that✨️great✨️i✨️just✨️wanted✨️ to✨️ expand✨️ on✨️ what ✨️u ✨️already ✨️had ✨️nothing ✨️new✨️ 🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️

I felt feral and out of it when i wrote this, i literally dont remember a single word i typed on that bullet list..

SO i still have asks/requests im gonna answer but i will be posting my follower event poll!! CLICK ME :) ♡

Yall get to choose what i write about for some posts :D

(You can be a new follower!)

✨️

BTW

UR SO BIG BRAIN SMART 2ND RANDOM U EVEN THOUGHT ABT TEYVATIAN LETTERS GETTING INCLUDED ADHJSLALASLL

WHAT A GENIUS

I hope my shit writing was somewhat ok of a reply to read to pay u back for that great idea lol

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds

@karmawonders

[chaotic-on-main]

I'M BACK.

Hi guys. I hope you're ready for this.

Welcome to the first ever cringefest hosted by literally all of us writers on tumblr.

What is cringefest, you might be asking? Well my lovely tumblr fiend, this is an event for us lovely creative writers to band together and let go of all our inhibitions. I personally find that I stress out a lot about my writing, making sure it's professional and well written (hell I'm doing it right now as I write this) and that can be very taxing to go through! It's literally so stressful. But what if we said fuck it and wrote for the sake of it?? To be dumb, to laugh at our dumb ideas.

Let's put our blorbos into some situations, yeah??

But first, some answers to some questions:

What do I do?

Write the cringiest, most stupid drabble (or a one-shot if you have more to say) you can about whatever you want.

This is open to any fandom, character, show, anime, movie, trope etc etc.

You need to put them in some real cringy situations though. And make sure your writing itself is cringy, don't hold back!!

Please tw/cw accordingly.

Smut is allowed obviously, I'm not your mom, but again mark MDNI and tw/cw accordingly.

Can I join even if I don't write normally?

ABSOLUTELY. This is open to EVERYONE. AND I MEAN EVERYONE.

How long does this last?

This will be open starting Saturday, July 8th and will close on Saturday, July 15th.

Who do I tag once I'm done, and what do I tag it as?

Tag me, @chaotic-on-main, so that I can compile everyone's stories into one masterpost as they come in.

As for the tags, please tag it as #cringelord69 (thanks @humanitys-strongest-bamf) and #23cringefest!

I don't feel good about knocking on certain things.

This isn't a question but I hear you!! I also don't want this to feel like this is a 'shitting on' contest, BECAUSE IT'S NOT. This collab is not meant to be mean, discriminatory, or judgmental. The point of this is not to make fun of characters, tropes, scenarios, ESPECIALLY WRITERS. This is literally us having fun and writing these characters in the dumbest way possible. Think of my immortal from all those years ago. YEAH. THAT MY IMMORTAL.

I'm worried about being bullied for my writing.

Again, not a question, but that's okay! So listen bud, this is the best thing about being cringy on purpose. We're out here being shitty for the sake of being shitty and anyone that makes fun of you is the dummy for not understanding the assignment.

Try not to worry about it, but if you are, please just send it to me in an anon and I will post it and link it to the masterpost. Easy peasy!

I said I'd tag those who reblogged the original post here in case you were all interested and wanted to partake!

@wyvernslovecake @humanitys-strongest-bamf @highgoon69 @roseofdarknessblog @sckerman @suukee @kingkonoha @honeylavendr @rae-does-stuff @oxygenbefore1775

don't forget guys, CRINGE CULTURE IS DEAD.

HAVE FUN WITH THIS!!

[a-somewhat-original-pt-askblog]

uhh read this if you're new here ig

hi chat 😁 im Kevin, i use he/him, im 19, im like a raccoon in the garage, and im the owner of this blog!!!! Really quick im gonna give you guys a basic summary and like. rules n stuff, ya know the drill

firstly, if you're as normal about Pizza Tower as i, you've come to the right place. this is an askblog centered around... you'd be surprised to hear this, but an au that's, on the surface, almost the same as canon Pizza Tower! lemme rq tell you what's different from canon so you aren't confused:

There's obv gonna be ocs sprinkled in here, including my self insert

Every food creature is human.

..... EXCEPT for Pizzahead cuz i couldn't be arsed to make a human design for him. plus it's funny methinks

This takes place in modern day, for those who hc PT to take place during an earlier time frame

This also takes place AFTER the events of Peppino% (that's what im calling it, fuck you)

thas about it. for now.

Another thing to note: a lotta things about this au are crack taken seriously and i AM making some of this shit up as I go along. If there's any details that are inconsistent, let me know PLEASEE

*cough* as per usual with every askblog, there come rules. im not that strict but still, take precaution

don't be a jackass. like, don't just harass me or other people for my hcs and such. remember, cringe culture is dead

yes im an adult, HOWEVER i will not be answering explicitly sexual questions. Casual talk and jokes are a-okay though, just don't take it too far

please please pleas try to make sure your question relates to pizza tower or the ocs involved. if you ask me about a completely unrelated fandom, for example, i'll just ignore ya.

Im perfectly cool with roleplaying!! again, don't be a jackass and try to be respectful of my boundaries, there's some things in rp that I myself might be uncomfy with

and ofc have fun!!!!!!

Oh and yes, i did mention ocs. HOWEVER I'll make references for them (and any PT characters if i feel like it) once they become relevant. for now im accepting asks for only the PT characters. but uhm yeah, ty for taking the time to read through this massive fuckign post and uh yeah I can't wait to answer your queries ‼️‼️

one more tiny thing: i made this blog a "blog" instead of its own entirely separate blog bcuz i just didn't FEEL like it

[greatprotector-if]

Hii, I want to make if game but I'm kinda slow writer. Also I have never written so many words like other authors and it's a bit paralyzing. Do you have any advice how to deal with it?

anon i am so sorry this is 100% just rambling. the TLDR; my advice to you is this: comparison is the thief of joy. i know it's hard not to compare yourself to others, it's a super natural instinct for most of us, but seriously, as long as you're doing the best that you can, it doesn't matter how much or how little everyone else is doing. try changing your scenery! write in a different location! write using different materials! don't even bother with proper grammar and punctuation or whether things sound good or make sense for your rough draft. just write. Don't go back and fix things. and it might suck and you might just end up having to rewrite the entire thing in the end but at least now you know what not to do! and i am wishing you the absolute best in all your if writing endeavours <3

i'm fr just a guy so i'm so sorry if this advice is shit. i'm not a professional. idk if you came to me just because you saw the "slow writer" in the intro post and you saw a kindred spirit, but just in case you are not aware.... i am such a slow writer and i'll be so honest when i started tgp by far the longest thing i'd written was 11k words and it took like... 10 months to finish. usually the stuff i wrote was 500 words in Total and i was also the type of fanfic writer on wattpad who'd post three chapters and then never touch the book ever again

so, not a great foundation for a game that requires this level of commitment, and i knew that!! but i dunno i was so excited about the idea and the characters and i felt like i needed to share it with the world so i just went fuck it and started. when i first got that intro post up i had nothing but a handful of characters, a vague idea and a dream.......

basically what i'm trying to say is. I get it.

and my advice to you is: just do it LOL just write your if game!!!

it will be scary and impostor syndrome is SUCH A BITCH. you will encounter authors who will write like 100k words in the time it takes you to write 5k and THAT IS OKAY. I FEEL THIS EVERY DAY. BUT YOUR WORTH IS NOT BASED ON HOW MANY WORDS YOU CAN WRITE IN AN HOUR, SO TRY YOUR BEST NOT TO BE TOO HARSH ON YOURSELF. COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY. if your best one day is 15 words and they aren't even good words? that's fine. at least you're getting something down. you are doing the best you can in that moment, and that's what's most important!!!

ALSO WRITE WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE. you cannot appeal to everyone. there will be people who simply will not enjoy your game and you know.. we ball anyway because there will also be people who LOVE YOUR GAME JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO, IF NOT MORE. i find that a lot of the time i'm stuck because i'm so worried about catering to my audience, and while it's okay to be conscious of these things, don't let it paralyze you. do not make your story about a bunch of bullshit you don't care about just because it's popular or something or you will just Never progress because you don't care about writing it. those days i shit out 1k (WHICH IS A LOT FOR ME IN ONE DAY) are because i'm like JUMPING OFF THE WALLS EXCITED ABOUT WHAT I'M WRITING ABOUT. WHO CARES IF WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE ABOUT IS CRINGE (cringe culture is dead anyway) OR SUPER NICHE OR WON'T GET YOU A MILLION FOLLOWERS IMMEDIATELY. i mean don't get me wrong validation feels so good i'm a bit of an attention whore myself but also you deserve to create things that make you feel good, and this is what sustains a long-term project. You know? You feel me? You pickin up what i'm putting down? plus there will always be other people who vibe with your story, no matter how much you think you're the only one it appeals to.

but just in case you aren't just here for incoherent moral support, i would highly recommend straying away from plain old google docs or whatever it is that you usually use to write and trying new things! pen and paper??? pen and Cardboard box (this one works really well for me for my art block for some reason LMAO)??? write while sitting on the stairs instead of at your desk??? stimuwrite 2.0 (i cannot recommend this enough the bubble wrap sounds are sooo good)???

also. remember that rough drafts are just that: Rough Drafts. just write!!! maybe it'll turn out great, but maybe it'll be complete shit. maybe it'll make you want to throw up just reading it back. DON'T DELETE IT AND WORRY ABOUT HOW TO MAKE IT SOUND BETTER. I DONT CARE IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY USED THE WORD "JUST" 3 TIMES IN 1 SENTENCE. AS LONG AS YOU GOT THE MESSAGE ACROSS ENOUGH FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND IT YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

ok sorry i am mildly sleep deprived at the time of writing this i'm so sorry if i literally just didn't answer any kf your questions at any point in here. i have no idea what i'm doing i just roll with the punches!!!!!!

[motleyfolk]

I saw your post about "Cringe Culture is dead" and while I agree with it, I didn't agree initially because I started realizing I partly don't view cringe the same way. My friends and I have been redefining cringe in our circle so my initial disagreement was me thinking about it from my friends perspective.

Like elderly people dancing in a club MAY be partly cring enducing but not part of cringe culture in my group. It is just some folks enjoying their time and theres nothing wrong with it.

Wars, starting fights over stupid shit, being manipulative, all that's cringe but kids trying cosplay, artist drawing anthro animals (this isn't just a furry thing) and stuff like that isn't cringe.

Then I realized, yeah the popular idea of cringe culture is dead. People really should enjoy themselves but maybe we can all try to redefine what is cringe to something that genuienly gets us reeling back? I'm not sure if this makes sense. Sorry for the ramble.

Don't apologise for the ramble, I like a good ramble.

For me, my new definition of cringe is people doing things that make me physically recoil. Like face contorting, toes curling, shoulders hunching kinda way.

That's still most people's definition of cringe, the problem is they apply it liberally and don't have the common and social sense of when to keep it to themselves.

Stunning your toe into the wall with a toothpick? Makes me cringe. Watching old anime crack compilations? Makes me cringe. Seeing Urban Outfitters? Makes me cringe.

Do I openly cringe at the first two? Yeah. Did I walk into Urban Outfitters today and make a face at every customer I saw? No, because I'm not an arsehole.

You usually can't control what you cringe it. No one is morally pure, you might genuinely find furries or the Naruto kid fans that ninja run through the hallways as cringe and whatever, shit happens. The problem happens when you take that private judgement and make it public, putting it into other people's minds and weighing them with it.

That's what cringe culture is, the arrogant and self important action of forcing your reaction to things on others in attempt to shame them out of innocent forms of self expression. That's the culture part of it, people expressing their arrogant opinions to make that the new value consensus and shaming those that don't fit it so they will now mold into it.

Its not just a new thing people do on the internet or white, middle class teens and young adults do. Everyone does it, has been doing it, for centuries. People have always been seen as outcasts and shamed when they don't fit social norms. Now we just do it on the internet too, a place that originally was full of people outside of social norms (the nerdy star trek forums and all). Since the internet is now everyone + one trillion bots raised on dry hate feed the old value consensus is now being applied here.

We should bring back the definition of cringe to being something that makes you eeeeeeesh 😟😟🫣. We should also bring back not feeling the need to share negative opinions and learning to keep them to ourselves and dealing with them instead of giving them to others to deal with.

Now I've rambled. 🤝 Same time next week pls

[fraemlingg]

im just gonna freestyle this text so this is not gonna be very thought through or whatever but literally i am so incredibly sick of social media i am sooo sick of that ugly AI slop everywhere and algorithms and ads and everything being designed to keep us glued to our screens no matter the consequences

i am sick of monetarisation i am sick of posting my art online literally begging for people to like my posts in hopes of being able to make at least a lil money with my art one day it feels like im selling myself out and its so fucking far from authentic like im a tattoo artist and so i follow a bunch of other tattoo artists and although they all have such amazing unique styles everything feels so performative and i KNOW that every single one of them feels the same and its so fucking sad that we cant really do anything about it

and im not trying to sound pretentious but i?? kinda hate meme culture?? it pisses me off?? can we not have normal inside jokes anymore why are 10 people sending me funny little posts even though they know i will not look at them (and like rlly truly no offense bc i know they do it bc they love me and think of me and i love them for it and i appreciate it in one way or another im not being judgy rn thats not my point). i want to write letters not dms but i feel like if i were to say that i might be called "cringe" which yknow is a concern i already expressed in another post and might be a me-problem but as ethel cain said it so fantastically nothing is taken seriously anymore and i hugely blame social media and meme culture

and like pls keep enjoying ur memes im again not judging just speaking from my subjective experience and that experience is that it caused me brainrot im not sure i'll ever be able to fix and that SUUUUCKS dude we all got dragged into phone addiction without a fucking choice and it will just get worse and worse and worse

i watched LuvstarKeis youtube video on why you should make a website and i think they (i looked everywhere for their pronouns sry if i got it wrong ;w;) have such good points i rlly enjoy their youtube videos in general. so yea in the long run i think im gonna create a website (or two to separate tattoos n music), post it to instagram with a statement, and then im gonna "leave instagram". putting that in "" bc im gonna keep my instagram but only so people can dm me for appointments or other things bc i dont wanna give out my telegram and people these days are too damn lazy to write a single email (even dj bookers lol it pisses me off a bit like what do i have this mail for then). like why are people using AI to write emails pls make it stop sometimes we have to do things that are inconvenient and that is actually a GOOD thing my fucking god, same thing goes for physical media like dvds nd such like fuck streaming services but thats another topic for another day

im probably gonna keep posting on my priv instagram just bc like. theres so many photos on there from so many years ago that would probably be lost if i deleted that account nd like i go on there like every 3 months or so to dump my photos there and then i log off so whatever. i am mostly pissed off about sharing art on social media and feeling so unauthentic about it and being glued to my phone when i could do so many other much better things liKE UGHHHHHHH

i think dead internet theory is scary and depressing but lowkey i hope the internet is actually dying bc i am so sick of this internet society. i am so goddamn sick of everyone being addicted to their phones. remember when we had a life like?????? how did we end up like this

i also wanna get a flipphone one day but yea i gotta plan that shit

i just needed to vent i could probably go on for ages about this but imma choose to shut the fuck up now

[tiktaaliker]

@m1sosazai ok ok ok SO i guess this rant is more about pokemon evolution in the darwin sense of the word but i have to talk about that first before getting into the domestication stuff (or i guess i don't have to but i want to)

putting it under a readmore because it really is horrifically long i am so sorry

to start it off, one thing ive thought about a lot is how a pokemon evolving compares to irl evolution. and surface level? not a ton of similarities other than "one creature becomes different creature." like, normally, evolution is VERY gradual, takes place over an EXTREMELY long time, and affects the species over many generations rather than the individual. Pokemon evolution, on the other hand, happens all at once, is instantaneous, and affects the individual and not the species (especially since all pokemon hatching from eggs are base evos? VERY wack when trying to compare it to macroevoltuion)

AND speaking of eggs, egg groups???? VERY wack. usually in an evolutionary sense a split into a different species is defined by members of the different populations no longer being able to have fertile offspring (not gonna get into the weird world of hybrids here because that would make this even LONGER, so im just going to. completely ignore stuff like wolfdogs and domestic/wildcat hybrids for now lol). so, like, if you're trying to fit pokemon into our normal taxonomic system, all pokemon sharing egg groups can TECHNICALLY be considered different breeds of the same species. like dog breeds? rattata is to copporajah as a chiuahua is to a Samoyed. and then you add in the fact that a lot of pokemon have double egg groups and then it gets even MORE complicated and weird

so, yeah, sure, pokemon evolution and irl evolution aren't one to one analogs, and same with pokemon species and animal. seems pretty obvious, looking at it. but then the question is, what IS evolution?

one thing i considered is that it's something akin to metamorphasis in insects and amphibians. and in some aspects, sure yeah it works! there's even some pokemon where the middle evolution is a cocoon. there's some pokemon that are amphibians with a tadpole/larval stage!! but the main thing that makes it kinda weird is that, with the exception of the handful of baby stage pokemon? you can throw the first or second stage into the daycare and still get an egg. one of the biggest things about having larval stages and undergoing metamorphosis is that reproduction isnt possible until the final stage!! like for bugs especially that is the entire point.

ALSO, there's the fact that a pokemon's evolution is STILL a different pokemon than the previous stages. a bullfrog tadpole is still a bullfrog, and a monarch butterfly caterpillar is still a monarch butterfly, but a weedle is not a beedril. im mostly basing this on the fact that later stage pokemon can learn different moves/can get different abilities after evolving, and even get different typing. i guess you COULD argue that a line of pokemon are technically all still the same species of pokemon a la caterpillar and butterfly, and the moves/abilities are just the result of form begetting function, but that's not as fun for me in this fantasy creature scenario so i am opting to ignore that point. so while i like the comparison superficially im not gonna just accept it at face value. there is TOTALLY more going on here.

so, my theory is that its sort of a strange mix of darwinian evolution and larval stages. it's the mechanics of larval stages with the end result being more similar to irl evolution. i think that, both genetically and physically, pokemon are far more malleable than real animals. something i also think is interesting that plays into all this is the fact that pokemon usually evolve via "experience" and "levels," which is basic in a gameplay sense but biologically? absolutely FASCINATING to me. this is already really long and i havent even gotten to what i really wanted to talk about so ill keep this short but i think pokemon are beings with EXTREMELY high amounts of potential energy, and can all somehow harvest energy released by defeating other pokemon, convert it into biomass to become stronger, and can sometimes use that energy to trigger evolution. but that's probably something i should save for a different multi-paragraph ramble in the future lol

and THEN there is actual literal macroevolution happening in pokemon that we can directly see the results of. regional variants!! pokemon that have different typing and appearances and sometimes even evolutions that change in different regions!! and SHELLOS MY FRIEND MY BELOVED SHELLOS. there is direct and stated evidence that populations of pokemon CAN undergo macroevolution. this is a canon thing that happens.

but even then, it occurs WAY faster and WAY more dramatically than how it would occur naturally. like there's some that could be argued mightve happened after a split a very long time ago (aka all the alolan variants, island ecosystems ARE fantastically good at isolating populations after all), but then we have the hisuian forms. so, the hisui region in legends arceus is roughly analogous to meiji era japan (if i recall correctly??) so ill be operating under the assumption that the game takes place sometime between 1870 to 1900. also fun fact because i literally just realized this, the origin of the species was older than the meiji era. the more you know.

ANYWAYS, i would like to talk about sneasel. im focusing on that line in particular both due to the connection to hisui/sinnoh (weavile being introduced in gen IV) and the fact that it's a new evolution INSTEAD of a modern evolution. so, for a lot of pokemon, its not exactly clear where they ACTUALLY originated from; it can't always be assumed that the region where we first see them is where they're ACTUALLY from, like with yungoos being stated to "imported from another region" into alola. so with the other hisuian forms (especially pokemon that can't be found normally in dpp), it's plausible to think that MAYBE these are much older offshoots of pokemon that died out entirely and no longer occupy the region, like with the slugma line, or even the qwilfish line, since it's plausible that after a while after hisuian qwilfish died out, regular qwilfish might've just migrated from somewhere else to the waters around iron island and filled in the nice again. or its like the zoura and basculin lines, which are both. pretty much already dead. or with ursaluna and kleavor, its that the conditions they required to evolve don't really happen anymore. i could go into a whole OTHER rant about electode but im already getting off topic enough

ANYWAYS. sneasel. i believe that of all the regional forms sneaseler is the wildest in terms of implications. first of all, TWO new types, fighting and poison? every other hisuian pokemon other than the zoura line have at least 1 shared typing from the other forms. and unlike kleavor, which evolves ALONGSIDE scizor, sneasel evolves into sneaseler INSTEAD of weavile. a hisuian sneasel cannot evolve into a weavile. so what happened??? what i am trying to imply is that maybe hisuian sneasel came BEFORE the modern dark/ice senasel, and evolved in the darwinian sense to fill a different niche. hisuan sneasel is implied to be a more direct hunter, while the typical sneasel is infamous for stealing other pokemon's eggs. additionally, im basing on hisuian sneasel coming first on the fact that it's REALLY unlikely for a species to re-evolve a trait that was previously lost.

considering that hisuian sneasel and sneasler were around as recently as the 1900s, that's like. a relatively VERY short time for something that major to change. im guessing that sneasel got REALLY close to complete extinction but eventually bounced back as the modern form via a bottleneck situation, but that still seems like a very short time for something that major to happen? so like. to try to sum my thoughts up quickly because i am becoming hyper aware of how LONG this is getting holy SHIT, something about the nature of pokemon as a whole allows them to evolve in a darwinian sense MUCH faster than in real life; since just being in a region can change a pokemon's evolution, its possible that maybe outside conditions can actively cause mutations in the egg, allowing a population to adapt faster and more efficiently to their environment?

and so, FINALLY, i can actually talk about domestication. the whole point of this rant in the first place????? whoops.

in real life, domestication is a VERY long, VERY arduous process. it's pretty much a type of targeted evolution. it's usually either a very deliberate process in terms of selectively breeding for desirable traits, like with a dog's temperament or a sheep's wool production. its NOT something that can be done quickly, and there has to be a trait to select for in the first place. there are also some cases of self-domestication, where the animal directly benefits from being comfortable around humans. for example, domestic cats and house mice are both self-domesticated.

my theory is that, in the modern day, EVERY pokemon is technically domesticated.

so, here's some of my reasoning; for one, you can't just go outside and grab a raccoon from your yard and expect it to act like a pet. it's not a domesticated animal, its WILD. on the other hand, you CAN grab a cat or pigeon off the city street and you have a chance of taming it down if you work at it enough. they're not wild, just feral. in the same reasoning, a wolf is gonna be WAY more dangerous to be around than a stray dog, and a wolfdog (i know i said i was going to ignore those but shhhh its my rant i can pick and choose what i discuss in too much depth) is going to have a SIGNIFICANTLY different demeanor than a dog.

in the modern pokemon games, however, you can just catch whatever pokemon you want and you can pet it and dress it in funny hats. you can catch a literal dragon and like 5 minutes later PLAY FETCH WITH IT. additionally, you, the trainer, are never directly attacked by wild pokemon. you have to fight them, but only with your own pokemon. when you run out of pokemon, you are able to flee and get to a pokecenter relatively unharmed!!! no matter where you were!!!

in hisui, on the other hand? these pokemon are actively trying to kill you. most pokemon in the game, when they see you , will either run away or just start swinging. and, yeah, you can catch them, and can use them in battle, but there's a few things different; there's no set turn order, with each pokemon going once per round. you just gotta hope you're fast enough to get a hit or two in. there are NO double battles. the only time you fight more than one pokemon are with diamond/pearl clan, who don't use pokeballs; i like to think that they don't actually directly command their pokemon in these battles, maybe they give a few but its mostly just the pokemon doing their own thing. and in those, you only get one pokemon at a time. this, along with akari/rei's trouble with pikachu not listening, implies that it's typical for a trainer to not have as much... i woudn't call it control, that sounds too harsh, but i think its more like the trainer and pokemon don't have as much immediate understanding on how the whole battle thing is supposed to work, i guess.

so at some point between the time of legends: arceus and modern times, pokemon as a whole became domesticated. i think it's reasonable to think this something that COULD happen in that span of time, since i already explained here my thoughts on how pokemon can undergo change much quicker and at a much larger scale than irl animals.

as to how it happened? for one, i feel like the whole thing the diamond and pearl clans are doing with both nobles and just the pokemon they partner with is like. a perfect example of domestication. like they are probably more likely to keep pokemon that do well with humans around their settlements, and just like. idk i feel like whole noble thing could end up with domestication even if its completely accidental. like im pretty sure the ride pokemon in particular are probably self-domesticated at LEAST.

but ok, my WILDEST theory as to why even in legends you can catch a pokemon that wants to rip your arms off and five minutes later chill out with your new buddy? and how pokemon as a whole went from being potentially deadly to a mild inconvenience while traveling between towns? pokeballs. it was pokeballs.

so, like, i think catching a pokemon in a pokeball is kinda similar to evolution in pokemon, in that the energy involved in the process allows for rapid and dramatic change. like, ok, a big motif with evolution? the pokemon is shrouded by a glowing bright light. what happens to a pokemon when it's caught? there's a bright light before it enters the pokeball. its definitely WAY less of that energy than with evolution, but i think it's probably VERY similar. so pretty much part of the whole appeal with pokeballs is that it speeds up the domestication process in the same way evolution speeds up... evolution. it's the pokemon universe's equivalence of selectively breeding wolves to make a dog (and falling into my previously proposed theory of an individual pokmeon acting almost like a species in terms of evolution)

and then, in legends arceus, you're expected to catch a LOT of pokemon. you're probably going to catch multiple of most of the pokemon. and you're ALSO gonna be releasing these pokemon. those are no longer wild pokemon, they're feral, and mixing in with the rest of the population. over time, this mass catching and releasing for research ends up adding a LARGE amount of domestic pokemon to the wild. with pokemon being so adaptable, its possible that these pokemon pass their better temperament towards humans onto their offspring, and now there are pokemon that are more domestic without ever being caught, and all this compounds over several generations until pokemon are no longer trying to murder every person they make eye contact with.

ok hm i think all that might sound a bit colder than i wanted it to? im mostly just having a moment about how being a pokemon trainer is inherently an act of love and trust going both ways. you have to trust your pokemon! your pokemon has to trust you! and a pokeball is a symbol of that trust and also the result of people trying to form a bond with these strange creatures!!!! and i just think that it would be really, REALLY cool if, the pla protag's effort to make people trust pokemon more is also causing pokemon to trust people more!!!! it goes BOTH WAYS.......

ok ok ok and as a final note, my thoughts on starter pokemon!! i think they were the earliest attempts at domesticating pokemon, and the process was a lot more similar to irl domestication rather than the pokeball theory. I like to think that maybe the Cyndaquil at least was captive bred (its kinda a mouse and kinda a ferret and BOTH of those are domesticated animals). the Oshawott is a bit iffy, but based on the final evolution im guessing it was chosen specifically for battle prowess. ROWLET tho. ROWLET. IT'S FALCONRY. IT'S FALCONRY!!!!

falconry is a REALLY old practice that i find EXTREMELY fascinating because. yeah those are still completely wild animals even today pretty much every falconry raptor is going to be wild caught. but falconry is also a thing of trust and understanding the bird's wants and needs and!!! it just fits SO well with the themes of pokemon!!! literally the whole reason why i started thinking about pokemon domesticity so much was because i could NOT stop thinking about decidueye falconry ever since the starters for legends arceus was revealed.

EDIT because i forgot to mention!! so i think that with the starters, by modern times they're all 100 percent completely domesticated to the point of no longer naturally being found in the wild. sure, youll find some wild ones sometimes, but theyre gonna be random, small clumps of pokemon probably released by a trainer that was breeding them. like feral cat colonies. typically you're only gonna be finding a starter from a pokemon professor, or a breeder specifically focusing on starters. they used to have wild populations in the wild (ie sinnoh starters found the wild in legends arceus) but all eventually just. stopped existing in the wild for some reason or another?

anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk

[emdotcom]

The fight to never share what I make publicly vs. the desire to make a massive comic & wanting people to see the fruits of my labors FIGHT

[limetameta]

limeta's going on a rant lads! adhd sponsored so you know it's gonna be incomprehensible :D

you know what i think

i think fanfic authors don't talk nearly enough about the themes they write in their own fics because they've been led to believe it's cringy if they do it on their own. that they need to wait for this gospel wielding reviewer who's going to understand the theme perfectly and notice all of the nuance and leave no stone unturned. that's a lot of pressure to put on a person who might just read a fic and comment superficially because they don't understand, don't have the words to explain, or otherwise don't WANT to get into the nitty gritties of the works. or the 'tiny intestines' how we like to say details in my language.

in my personal opinion the author should have full right and support to just go online, on their blog or other type of platform they're using and just go HAM. you posted a chapter, it's passed a couple of days, people have read it, you just go and TALK about that chapter. if you feel the inclination of course. or you go make MEMES about your own works. you ENTERTAIN YOURSELF first!! you know how they say you need to put your air mask on first and then help someone? BESTIE, SAME THING!

you feel like nobody in the reviews has commented on something you want to talk about - you start the dialogue yourself and see who joins up - there'll always be someone.

being your own biggest fan makes so you won't get bored of writing. and what do fans do? they talk about the work.

don't just sit in front of your computer and click refresh hoping someone reviews. it's discouraging! it's downright scary and sad! hell i wish i knew this when i was starting out ten years ago. i was so dead set on being the proper fanfic authorTM. now? after COVID???? nah, nobody's got the time for that.

you be the literature teacher talking about colour usage and prose and metaphors in your own fic. like you are SMART for using that colour. Like YEP people DEF need to pay attention but if they don't? if too much is going on in a chapter and people don't notice? This isn't a classic literature class man, just point it out to them. The pay off will be super cool and interesting anyway. Don't spoil your work, I mean (unless you want to, like what are they gonna do? you're the author you can just do a 180 and say psyche and fuck with them) but nudging your reading pals in the right direction like oh dude the colour red? the leitmotif of this story's progressing in xyz? nudge nudge, that might or might not come up later you know ;)

You know how you have those 10 page summaries in the beginning of classic books that explain the book to you and then you read the book and understand it? Don't put so much on the readers. Don't think they'll catch every little detail.

This isn't saying in no shape or form to dumb it down - just if you want to talk about it - you MENTION it. you praise yourself, buddy! you make your own memes if no one else will because you know how to have fun.

and trust me you know the characters the best for your own story so unless you actually talk about it, rarely will anyone else do it for you. they'll be too shy. they might think it's not their place. but if you do it? nobody can tell you shit.

ahhhhhh! but what if someone calls me cringy for doing it and says my story is shit because nobody else thought to say stuff like this first and it looks desperate that i'm talking about it?

i mean lmao take it from someone who's been in this game for over 10 years now - like - it's super fucking cringy* that you're writing fanfic. have FUN with it :D

*cringe culture is dead. just have fun.

[makoza]

Ayo!

Fun New Thing!: If you can guess where the quote in my description came from we can be friends.

Making a quick pinned cause I have noticed that I've been getting a few people following me around here and I just wanna let people know what they might be getting into by doing so.

First off, hi! My name is Michael and welcome to my main tumblr blog. This is basically my anything goes blog where if I vibe with a post I reblog it. Please be aware that I am random as shit. One reblog might be something like art or writing advice and the very next one might be talking about sex positivity. My interests are as varied as the stars and be forwarned I tag basically fucking nothing. Fast reblog is my life on this blog, so just be aware of that when following me.

Please note: If at any point I post something that you want me to add a tag to simply link the post and what tag you need added and I will do so, but please don't expect me to remember to add it every time because, again, 90% of the time I use the fast reblog function.

Some topics you might see on this blog, but are not exclusive:

➤ Shipping Discourse

➥ I am firmly proship. Don't like? Do us both a favor and just block me.

➤ Writing and Art Tips/Advice

➥ I am both an artist and a writer. This stuff is helpful to me and might also be to any of my followers.

➤ Animals

➥ That's it. Just animals. Usually cool color mutations but also just cool facts about them in general as well.

➤ Sex Positivity

➥ This user is very sex positive and as such I might reblog posts about such topics from time to time.

➤ Fandom Things

➥ I am part of many various fandoms so occasionally you might see me reblog something related to those fandoms.

➤ Self Shipping

➥ I am a self shipper. And though I keep those posts primarily to my side, I might occasionally make a post here related to the topic. Cringe culture is dead, so don't like? Don't read.

➥ By the by, please follow my self ship blogs for this topic specifically! @redwingedwolves is my main and @redwingedwolvesafterdark is my 18+ side!

Another thing to note on this blog, as stated in my bio, I am a 25+ adult and as such I do adult things such as cuss and discuss adult topics. If that has the possibility of making you uncomfortable simply block me. Do not, however, DM me, or send me an ask saying how I shouldn't behave in this way as there are kids around. I am aware of this. I am also aware that the tumblr app is listed as 17+ and the site itself is 13+. If there are teenagers here who are mature enough to go on the internet unsupervised, they are mature enough to curate their own internet experiences. This is my blog, I do as I please. Don't like? Block me.

My personal tags are #random shit and #mike-rambles. I use these for basically any and all text posts. Feel free to blacklist them if you don't wanna see my rambling.

Well, I believe that's it for now. If you have any questions my inbox is open.

[sunjaesol]

canon compliant juke | based on this post by @molinashimbos

“Hey, Julie. Who’re you texting?” It slipped out before she wanted to. “My boyfriend.”

Well, fuck. Luke and her haven’t labelled the relationship yet, but she kind of assumed that after a couple of dates and the fact that he kissed her regularly, that they were just that. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Exclusive. Which was also a given, because he was dead and a ghost and didn’t have any ghost girls around. But it felt wrong to tell this random classmate about her status when that status hasn’t properly been discussed. Welp. Too late now.

Valerie gasped and plopped down in the free seat next to her. Luckily, the cafeteria was so packed and loud no one would be able to eavesdrop. Flynn shot her an exasperated look. Yes, Julie wanted to say, I indeed don’t have the braincell today. 

“I knew it! No one smiles at their phone like that and not have it be a significant other!”

Julie had given Luke her old iPhone before they even began dating. Mostly so the boys could catch up on pop culture, but specifically that she and Luke could text during school and not have him randomly poof in and scare the lights out of her. She could only feign getting “hot flashes” so many times before someone got seriously worried about her. 

“Y-yeah!” She stuttered out, a stressed smile pressed on her lips. “It’s... it’s very fresh though. Nothing interesting to tell other people or something!” 

Valerie leaned in, intrigue glimmering her eyes. She was in for the scoop and they all knew it. “It’s that cute guitarist of yours, right? I’ve seen the videos. Isn’t that hard? Long distance? How late is it in Sweden anyway?”

Shit. She really should’ve thought about this beforehand. Gah! Why would she even start thinking of creating a cover story when she's been on cloud nine for weeks?! Luke sweetly kissing her was quite the distraction. 

Her saving grace, Flynn, perked up. “Uh, late! Very late! But Luke’s a night owl, right Julie?”

“Yeah,” she squeaked. “He’s basically running on LA time.”

Valerie cooed. “That’s so sweet... I think. Then long distance is working out too, I guess?” 

Ugh. Long distance was the biggest understatement of the century. The fact that her boyfriend was technically six feet down in some Orange County cemetery rotting away was not something she preferred to linger on. To Julie, Luke was real. Real and alive and warm and with a heart beating for her. But sometimes... 

Sometimes, at night, when she was alone with her thoughts, the knowledge that he wasn’t actually kissing her, hugging her, playing music with her, ached more than she wanted it to. So no, she didn’t like to linger on it. 

She couldn’t say that though. “Yeah. We facetime a lot. It’s- we’re making it work. But maybe not... tell everyone about this? We’re keeping it lowkey.”

“Very lowkey,” added Flynn with a quirked brow. 

Valerie quickly nodded, zipping her mouth shut and throwing away the key. “Don’t worry about me! Just happy for you! Bye, Julie, Flynn!”

When Valerie disappeared from hearing distance, her bestie made a gagging sound. “The biggest tattletale of the school telling you to ‘not worry about her’? Better tell your boyfriend your relationship is public now, Jules.”

Julie’s head dropped on the table with a groan. Fucking perfect. 

Frantically sliding the doors of the studio open and dropping her backpack on the floor, she called out for him. “Luke?!”

He poofed right in front of her. She still had no idea how he heard her when he wasn’t close-by, but she hasn’t had the guts to ask him. Whatever. She had other priorities. 

“Hey,” he grinned, draping his arms around her shoulders. Her expression was clear as day though, the grin quickly dropping to a worried frown. “What’s wrong?”

Her eyes squeezed shut. “I did something stupid.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I did.”

“Try me.” His warm gaze caught hers, twinkling with an emotion reserved for her and often leaving her speechless. His nose scrunched, leaning closer to murmur: “What happened, Jules?”

She sighed. Though he wouldn’t get mad, she’d hate it if he was even the slightest bit peeved. It would mean that they weren’t on the same wavelength and that she was way more into him than he was and then she’d feel miserable and embarrassed and- “I accidentally told someone at school you’re my boyfriend even though we haven’t talked about and I’m sorry!” The ramble left in one breath. 

His eyes widened. “W-what?”

She cringed. “I know. It’s stupid. You were texting me and I wasn’t paying attention. I’m sorry.”

An incredulous chuckle puffed from his lips, the ones she loved kissing so much stretching into the brightest smile she’s ever seen. His eyes were impossibly green, though the black of his pupils almost swallowed it entirely. Julie’s heart stuttered out of place. He was looking at her like she was the prettiest view he’s ever seen, a rare, shimmering diamond cradled in his hands.

And then she saw it: moisture building in the corners of his eyes. Relief washed away the insecurities as she swiped his skin with a giggle. “Why’re you crying?”

His thumbs pressed into her cheeks, pressing his forehead against hers. Giddiness soared in her chest, that intoxicating feeling of being in his embrace topping any other sensation in the world.

“You called me your boyfriend,” he whispered. 

Her arms found a way around his waist, matching his splitting grin. “Yeah. Can I take a guess and say I was right?”

Luke nodded, dazed. Their noses brushed. “Yeah... cool if I call you my girlfriend?”

God, if she wasn’t so infatuated with him she’d roll her eyes at his casualty. Instead, another eager giggle tumbled out. “Mh-hm. Sounds good.”

“Nice. Cause I’ve already been doing that.”

Chuckling, because her heart might actually explode, she gripped his back tighter. “Great.”

He didn’t wait. “Can I kiss you?”

She replied with her mouth, cherishing the way he responded immediately yet couldn’t keep the grin off his face when he did. Whenever his warm lips moulded against hers, his body buzzing with heat and that hum trembling in his chest (always finding a new tune to define their love), none of the difficulties they’d inevitably have to face mattered.

Right now, all that mattered was his heart promising her the world and her equalling that just as ardently. Right now, she was just going to enjoy kissing her boyfriend Luke Patterson like the lovesick girlfriend she was. 

Like any couple would. 

@blush-and-books @unsaid-emily @sophiphi @alexjulies @bluefirewrites @willexx

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Bamn! And the kid is 4

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  Izuku gets hits by a de-aging quirk and it turns out hes always been super cute.

izuku gets hit w a de-aging quirk back to like,, age 5-8

angst + fluff + dads happens

izuku, iida, bakugo, kiri and all might are getting groceries

not a great team for shopping but its like, just post internship pre cultural festival so its no a disaster

all might is there to make sure they dont do something stupid or get lost. he was kinda hesitant to go with them because he cant protect them anymore but they are little heroes! so they should be ok, right?

w r o n g

the villain attacks katsuki just outside the store, the only one of them that doesnt have a licence, izuku takes a hit for him and he and iida quickly take the villain down while kiri protects the bystanders

then izuku collapses and bakugo is ready to yell because if izuku takes one more hit for someone hes going to be the hit

all might runs over because even though its still dangerous he has a hero license (bc it hasnt been cancled yet because no one wanted to be the person to do it) and thats his s o n. iida is calling the people he should be calling

all might finds just, this tiny tiny green freckly mess in izuku's oversize clothing and he wants to cuss up a storm because FUCk hes liKe 6

bakugo runs over because all might looks like hes going to cry and hes not ready for that today and he sees this horrifically familiar face. he he does swear.

izuku looks so lost but he sees bakugo and he lights up!!

"kacchan!! youre so tall wow!!! so coool!!!"

and bakugo is going to scream bc f u c k hes so annoying and adorable. bakugo tells izuku that he is normally his age but got hit with a quirk that made him small and hes!! so excited!!

hes rambling about how cool the quirk is and wondering how long it lasts and how it works and allmight is just shell shocked still

"young bakugo, should we tell his mother?"

",,, inko is in america chasing down her husband to divorce him. i dont think she needs this shit right now"

"understandable"

kiri comes over bc whats happening? and he shrieks a little and hugs izuku

izuku is very lost but hes giggling bc kacchan's cool friend likes him, so maybe kacchan likes him now! bakugo is like "fuck why do i feel emotions thats wack"

so iida, having just reported what happened and now on the phone to aizawa walks over to tell aizawa everyones status. he and sees izuku and goes dead silent

"iida?? iida whats wrong?"

",,, hes,,, so s m a l l "

"wAiT WhAt"

"like,,, shrunk?????????"

"no sensei like,,, hes 5"

just a loud "F UUCK" as aizawa hangs up to run over

ok but they are all awkwardly buying the food bc they really need to get food, tiny izuku or no

and so izuku is with bakugo and allmight while the others do the worlds fastest grocery run

and izuku asks all might "mr? is your quirk being really tall? because thats super cool if it is!!" and bakugo is dying because what the fuck does all might say to that

"no my boy, im actually quirkless!"

"oh,, sorry sir"

"why are you sorry?"

"i dont know, but thats what everyone says to me when i tell them so i think its bad?"

and he just mumbles

"kacchan said i could play with him again if i got my quirk but i never did. do i get my quirk now? is that why we have cool friends??!"

and bakugo is going to cry bc all might looks so sad and he cant deal with that

so iida and kiri have bought all the crap and they are waiting out from with this tiny bubbly kid who they have to hold hands with or he Will run off to go look at stuff

aizawa shows up in the school car (,,, driven by mic because he cant fucking drive) and izuku is like OH HI

and aizawa is like ",,, hello?"

and izuku sees mic too and he thinks for a few seconds

"are,,, you two the new heroes that just started? from that really cool sports festival!!! i heard you from my preschool!!"

and bakugo is cackling be he fucking remembers that

and aizawa is red and nods and mic is like TINY CHILD WHO ARE YOU because aizawa didnt tell him what was going on

izuku is like "hi im midoriya izuku! please call me izuku!!" and mic is crying bc??? baby boy??

so they get an update ab the villain, apparently the quirk lasts for 2 weeks and allmight is caught between happy bc Tiny and sad bc My Boy??? he says how long it lasts and katsuki groans loudly

"bakugo?"

'AUntIEs iN aMEricA For 3 WeEKs"

"shit"

in the car all might has to hold him because aizawa didnt think this through and there isnt a child seat, so izuku is playing with all mights fringe because its long enough to be in his face and allmight is cry bc its his boy!!!!

they are up front because iida and katsuki need to talk to aizawa about whatever is going down with izuku. kiri is just there for moral support honestly, he is still pretty lost

izuku is asking present mic all these questions about his quirk ands all might is legitimately impressed at the control mic has because h looks like hes 30 seconds from bursting into a screech of joy at this tiny boy but his voice is just a little louder than normal

mic is singing a song in english

and izuku says "thats a rude song! my mum said so!" in perfectly understandable English and katsuki l a u gh hs

"I WAS WAITING FOR HIM TO SLIP UP HAHA"

and mic, cackling bc hes worked it out had to pull over for a sec

all might is red because hes been swearing in english the whole time oops

aizawa is like "Um????? whats happening"

katsuki, through tears : this little shit has known english his whole life but he didnt want more english homework so he just pretended he didnt through middle school and forgot to admit he could when we started UA

izuku looks lost bc what did he do?? mic is saying sorry to this tiny child for singing a rude song, iida is ab to have a stroke

mic and izuku chat about mics quirk in english happily and they pull up to ua and izuku is like wAIT WHAT. bakugo is cringing bc howwww do they explain this

present mic and aizawa, 0 clue what going on "its UA. you go to school here."

"oh, did i get into gen ed? is that why kacchan is my friend again?!!"

"youre in the hero course with me, brat"

and izuku looks upset and aizawa is lost because what kid cries when they are told they get to be a hero

"dont be mean, its rude to lie"

"why would i lie?"

when izuku says hes quirkless bakugo and all might look like someone kicked them

aizawa is like "wait,, quirkless?" and izuku looks at him confused because evryone knows izuku is quirkless

"yeah,, i have the toe thing-y."

and the kids face crumples

"does this mean i cant go into UA now??"

mic picks up the kid before he can start to cry and says "of course not! i bet youd be a great hero, quirk or not!!"

aizawa and mic are giving all might and Bakugo a Look because they look so sheepish

kiri and iida are lost because izuku Very Much has a quirk, it explodes him

all might all but pushes everyone through the gate and aizawa and mic are just staring at him because they Know hes not spilling something

anyway, eri comes to visit!! bc izuku is small!!

she calls him deku and izuku looks sad bc kacchan only calls him deku when hes mad at him and izuku just whispers "you can call me izuku please?" and eri is like "YES IZUKU HI IM ERI HELLO"

izuku is very happy

hes still like, wearing a shirt dress basically so aizawa gets momo, who has a little quiet "HES SO SMALLL" scream in the cupboard, then pops out to make him a onesie. izuku asking if it can be allmight and momo is like “OF COURSE IT CAN YOU LITTLE MUNCHKIN ID DIE FOR YOU”

izuku gets this massive fuzzy onesie and hes like !!!” yourequirkissocoolallmightiloveitsoftthaNKYOU”

momo just hugs him because hes so tiny and cute oh my lord

eri and izuku play heroes!! eri is lemillion and izuku is all might and they are defeating the great villain Kirishima

kiri wasnt warned he was the villain. he just has these kids yeeting on to him and hes so lost

all might and bakugo are trying to make a child sized dinner. they are working together bc if they pretend they are doing something important maybe aizawa wont kill them

aizawa is just,,, glaring at them. he hasnt moved from the corner of the kitchen. bakugo is getting nervous, all might is trying not to spit blood into the food

its like, 4pm? and izuku and eri are sleepy but they are Big Kids so they dont need to nap. all might and bakugo are trying to finish the food before they fall asleep bc god damn it they worked for this

aizawa is trying not to smile but they are so goddamn cute. izuku is cheering because they made katsudon

"kacchan how did you know this was my favourite!! youre so coooolllL!!!!"

bakugo, suddenly feeling crushing guilt: yeah,, im,,, awesome

aizawa is like, walking slowly towards all might and hes scrambling to think of something to spare him from his wrath

bakugo : OH YAGI WERENT YOU ALL MIGHTS SECRATARY

izuku, crying: OH MY GOD

yagi, crying also : thankyou bakugo i owe you my life

izuku is asking so many questions aizawa has to remind him to breathe

please tiny izuku is very fond of aizawa but no one has any idea why bc the dude is scary

"eraserhead sir, when can i see my mum?"

aizawa, suddenly wishing he had kurogiri's quirk: ",,,,you seee"

ok but like, just for a little pain

"it'll be like a sleep over, ok kid?"

"you really want me to stay? most kids wont let me even play for a little while, so no one sleeps over. i can stay home without my mum if you want! i dont wanna bug you,,,"

aizawa, feeling a rush of fondness for this terrible child "no its ok, stay here. youre a good kid"

baby izuku clumsily braiding aizawas hair bc his mum taught him

consider: baby izuku and shinso

baby izuku is on a need to know basis bc there is a traitor somewhere. shinso is just minding his own business and runs into a giggling curly boy

and hes like ",,, who are you???"

"im izuku!!!"

shinso just looking at him and groans

"of course its you. its always you"

he picks up izuku and takes him to aiawa. izuku is patting his hair happily

"i found the gremlin"

"hi eraserhead!!!"

"thank god

izuku makes him help with his hero notes because he doesnt know kanji yet. izuku is just telling him what to do while shinso does as hes told, trying not to smile

[miyu-hyperfixates]

The Untamed and MDZS appreciation and recommendation post

Okay so fair warning to my small amount of followers, this blog will probably be full of MXTX contents starting from now, because I’ve fallen into MXTX’s hell and I don’t see myself climbing out any time soon.

I’m not even kidding in the span of three months, I’ve watched CQL (like 4 times), watched the special edition, watch the MDZS donghua, read the novel, read the manhua, read a fair amount of fics, discovered the SVSSS’s characters through a few crossover fanfics, started to read SVSSS, then TGCF (as well as their respective manhua up to the last translated chapters) and well generally immersed myself into the fandoms. And I LOVE it! And I have so, so many feelings and thoughts about the characters, the plots, the relationships, everything, that I don’t even know where to start! 

Okay so for those who don’t know what the hell I’ve talking about. MXTX stands for Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù who is the author of three amazing novels: Mo Dao Zu Shi (MDZS) [also called Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation], The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System (SVSSS) and Tian Guan Ci Fu (TGCF) [Heaven Official’s Blessing]. The Untamed or Chen Qing Ling (CQL) is the chinese drama adaptation of her most well known (as of now) novel MDZS.

I am going to talk about CQL/The Untamed and MDZS (novel version) in this post... But it will probably be followed by posts about TGCF and SVSSS too.

I’ve tried to be pretty vague on several points so that should keep the spoilers at minimum, in case you didn’t watch CQL yet.

[More under the cut] 

Okay so as someone of Asian descent who was born and raised in an European country and spent her formative years watching wuxia and xianxia, The Untamed/CQL is the kind of representation that I really didn’t know I needed and I am so, so glad that I gave it a chance. (Big, big thanks to @shit-happens-bitchachos for reblogging so much CQL contents that the frequent presence of it on my dash got me curious  enough to start watching it).

Watching The Untamed for the first time feels like coming back to a home that you once thought would be frigid but actually became very warm and welcoming without you noticing because you have been away for so long. And it feels both nostalgic and new, in the best possible way. It’s a wonderful feeling, really. 

Where to find it?

You can watch the drama english sub version on Netflix, Viki or Youtube, just typed “The Untamed” and you should find the episodes easily.

To be honest, though I am very thankful for the existence of such platform, I have a slight [read huge] dislike of Netflix’s choice of translation for any Asian movie/tv shows. I mean I’m not going to go off on a debate about official translation vs fan translation, nor westernization and how doing so not only take off a huge layer of subtle/or not so subtle communication but also participate to erase part of the culture. [Because I have opinions about this and I am still very much so cringing about all the “Yanli”s, it is really not the point I’m trying to make right now. ]

So out of the three version, I’d lean more on the Viki version. To be clear though this choice isn’t based on the accuracy of the translation, but strictly on the choice of naming and title convention.

As for the novel, you can find  here a complete english translation made by the Exiled Rebels Scanlations group.

The plot

I’m not going to go into detail about the plot, because I’m sure a lot of people out there managed to do so in a way more articulate way that I ever could.

So basically CQL is about Wei Wuxian, aka the Yiling Patriarch. The Yiling Patriarch is like this huge urban legend that everyone warns their children about, except he actually existed. Why such a reputation? Well, in a Cultivation society where people used spiritual energy to fight and exorcise creatures full of resentful energy (such as ghost, ghouls and other things), the Yiling Patriarch is actually the guy who decided that he was going to use resentful energy to fight resentful energy. What he is doing is called “demonic cultivation” and if you want a western equivalent it would be quite close to using necromancy. And if you want an idea of how blasphemous such method of cultivation is deemed, it would be the equivalent of going to a Christian exorcist organization and yelling loud and clear to all the people there that you’re gonna desecrate the tombs of all holy people and use their corpses to fight ghost and other dark creatures.

So the legend/story of the Yiling Patriarch goes as follow: The Yiling Patriarch and his army of corpses were actually quite useful to turn over the tide of a war that shook the foundations of the Cultivation World, annihilating the strongest Sect of the five Great Cultivation Sects (that lorded over the cultivation society). But some time afterwards the Yiling Patriarch revealed his true colors, and killed more than 3000 cultivators (among them his elder sister and her husband - orphaning their one month old son) before finally ended up being killed by his own little brother.

And now sixteen (or thirteen in the novel) years later, Wei Wuxian’s soul got called back because of a dark ritual. The ritual involved giving up their own soul and offering their body to summon up the soul of a dead, evil, person. The soul summoned would have to accomplish the task the summoner wished for, or the soul would be forever destroyed without being able to ever reincarnate. And so, Wei Wuxian woke up in the body of Mo Xuanyu, a young man who was abused by his family and wished for revenge. While trying to work out what he is supposed to do, Wei Wuxian quickly realized that the Mo family is actually being targeted by fierce corpses that are acting way more aggressively than they should. Turns out that it was because of a possessed spirit sword [a cut out arm in the novel].

Afterwards he encounters Lan Wangji, an esteemed cultivator, one of the strongest of his generation, coming from one of the most righteous Cultivation Sect. And the thing is, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji appear to have quite a complicated history that dates back to their teenage years. And CQL/MDZS is not only about how they decided to investigate the mystery of the possessed sword/arm (which ended up digging up a lot of secrets and conspiracy ), but also about Wei Wuxian’s past, starting from when he was 15 and meeting Lan Wangji for the first time.

The few things that you’re probably going to feel/think while watching the few first episodes

Confusion I think I’m not even kidding when I say you’re supposed to be in a state of perpetual confusion for the first two episodes... There’s this huge info dump, in the first five minutes of episode 1, then you’ll have to navigate this new world feeling as confused as dead-for-sixteen years Wei Wuxian... You’ll meet dozens of characters and if you can’t remember their names or who they are it’s normal don’t worry. Each character has a birth name (Wei Ying, Lan Zhan) and a courtesy name that (Wuxian, Wangji)... And so if you see Wei Ying or Wei Wuxian just know that it refers to the same person. And to complicate things further some characters also have a title (Yiling Patriarch, Hanguang-Jun)  other people might use to refer to them. So really, if you want to understand what is going on, you might want to note the name, title and relationship down... But it’s kinda tedious?  I promise it is unnecessary as those characters will all be introduced properly in the flash-back starting at the end of episode 2, and you’ll fully be able to get used to them and keep track of them. Of course, if you managed to remember a few names, once the character is being introduced in the past, you’ll get a “ Oh so at some point, this is going to happen to them” sort foreshadowing/foreknowledge, which is neat, I guess. [I recommend going back to watch the first two episodes, once the flash-back is over, to fully grasp what was going on there].

What the hell am I even watching? Okay so this one might only just be me but I was pretty hooked by the story by episode 3... and then I reached episode 8 and 9 and I kid you not, I went “Oh boy... that’s.... yeah okay... *cover face with hands*”... So I was cringing pretty hard for those two episodes out of second-hand embarrassment at the extras actors acting level... Like woah... It was supposed to be scary and threatening and all but I couldn’t just take them seriously? (You’ll know what I’m talking about when you get there)... That with some plot points made me seriously consider stopping right there.... But thankfully I didn’t. So you really just need to pass the first two episodes [which are really good] and cringe your way through the two most abyssal episodes in the show (in my opinion) and everything will go smoothly afterwards.  Though to be fair, it might be explained by the fact that no one expected that CQL would have the highest number of reviews of Chinese drama, nor that it would be the highest earning drama of 2019 and certainly not that it would accumulate 8 billions views on Tennent by May 2020. Where am I going with this?  Well it was certainly no Game of thrones in terms of budget... That’s what I’m trying to say. It had a low budget production... and well in a fantasy world where everyone and their grandma use supernatural power to fight each other and demonic creatures, special effects are a must. Choices had had to be made [and while I am very thankful for the aspects they decided to use the money on] the special effects were very touch and go.

Okay but are they going to be together or is this another case of queerbaiting? So if what you’re asking is “will we ever get a kiss, a love confession or definite proof of their relationship?”. The very short answer is “No.” You’ll never see any of those on screen for the very simple and good reason that there are censorship laws in China regarding queer relationship on screen. “So it’s basically queerbaiting?” Again no. CQL was adapted from a BL chinese novel. In the novel there is absolutely no room for doubts that they are together. But because of the censorship the producer teams had to remove all definite and obvious proof of romance, but it also means that they had to be creative and anything in the subtext or subtle areas was a go. Like really they crammed more homoerotic text (like at this point is this even subtext) in the show than in all other kinds of adaptations (including the novel, where we get kissing, sex and eloping). It got the point that contrarily to the novel, donghua and manhua where the whole Cultivation world thought Lan Wangji hated Wei Wuxian and that they couldn’t stand each other,in the show everybody and their dogs knew that the two were very close.  Also, while I absolutely hate that those censor law exist and am very disappointed that such homophobic mentality still exist and that we won’t get a full adaptation and explicit of their love story, I must say that because of this my demisexual ass absolutely love the depiction of their love in the show. I mean, when you don’t have the “easy way out” of kissing and sex and so all to show that they is definitively romance material going on here... You have to get creative, you have to convey it with all other gestures... touching, gazing at each other and so on... And it creates such a soft but intense  and intimate environment around them...By the way I’m not trying to negate their sexual relationship in the novel (#LetWangxianFreelyExpressTheirSexualLives)... I’m just saying that I’m not sure the producing teams would have gotten to such a length in the show if they could just have adapted the explicit romance scenes. Now if somehow they’d had managed to keep the same level of intense subtext and be able to adapt the romance scenes too, that would have been the best, but well...

The reasons you should still absolutely watch/read it? 

The plot

The way all those character journeys and stories are interwoven in such a cohesive picture is nothing short of amazing. And the way that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji unravel events that happened more than a decade ago piece by piece [or rather body part by body part] is so very well done. And of course half way through, you think that you’ve got the full pictures, and you’re sort of gloating all the while because you see it coming from miles away and how can the cast be that stupid... And well you are not wrong. Watch out for the canary though.   The show chose to move a few things in term of timeline (character appearing and events happening way before they were supposed to... )... They also added a few original plot points in the past.... So as a results it feels slightly less cohesive and coherent than in the novel. Anyway I won’t go into details here because I’ve got this super long post planned where I’d detailed all the differences between the novel and the show and why some things worked in my opinion but not other. CQL and MDZS are what a properly balanced plot-driven and character-driven show/novel look like.

The relationships

Of course, Wangxian (Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji) should absolutely be mentioned. Because throughout the story in the past, you watch as young, wild, ingenious, thinking-out-of-box Wei Wuxian meet an equally young seemingly inflexible, impassive, following 3000+ rules in his daily lives Lan Wangji, you watch how their personality clashes before finally acknowledging each other skills, you watch how they hurt during the war, how quickly they had to grew up, you watch how one of them had to watch the other walking down a quickly crumbling path, being alienated by the world without being able to help, you watch how they lost each other, before finally finding each other again after sixteen/thirteen years. And then you can finally watch how soft they are with each other, how in-sync they are, the trust, the devotion, the willingness to stand by each other against the whole fucking world. And as I already mentioned before, because of the censure law in China, you’ll never can’t and will never get to see Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian say “I love you” to each other on the show. It still manages to convey “I love you” in every other possible way without having them actually say the words. I mean at this point it can’t even be considered subtext... It’s plain text written in bold underlined font that can be read in every single one of their interactions, and sometimes even when the other isn't even there, [It's basically subtitles! Hah! Okay getting out of there].

It helps that the chemistry between the two actors is absolutely mind-blowing. And the acting is nothing short of amazing. If you’ve been in the spn fandom then you might know that Jensen is king of the micro-expressions ... well I’m afraid that he has been dethroned by Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji’s actor) in my mind.

But really, wangxian is not the only relationship worth mentioning in CQL/MDZS. One of the other huge highlight in my opinion is the several siblings dynamics. There are about seven sets of siblings among the whole cast and because shitty, shittier and shittiest parents were apparently the norm for their generation, we get to see the trope of “eldest child basically raised their younger siblings” in five different flavors. Of course the main focus is on Wei Wuxian and his siblings, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t see the sheer care and protectiveness oozing out of the other four sets of siblings. As someone who loves family bonding (and especially found families), I really appreciate the fact that among those sets of siblings, there are some that are related by blood, some who are half-siblings and some who are not related biologically but consider themselves siblings regardless. And while all their relationships are different - because they are different people - they all do share the same love for their siblings.  “How far are you willing to go for your siblings?” “How much are you ready to sacrifice for them?” The show answers those two questions in various all throughout the story in a more or less oblique way, and right there lies the motivation behind a lot of the characters’ actions, good or bad. Their relationship with their siblings is actually one of the major driving force of the characters (Wei Wuxian among them). And I love it, because it shows that love comes in a many, many forms.

  The overarching themes

“What’s right, what’s wrong? Who’s good, who’s evil? Who’s strong, who’s weak?”

In such an elitist society who will judge you at the drop of a hat (especially if you have the bad taste of coming from a more unfortunate lineage), how can you define the difference between “right” and “wrong”? Wherein the midst and the aftermath of a blood thirsty war, the distinction between “good” and “evil” more often than only lies on where you were born and/or your family name rather than where you actually stood or what you did in the war. This right here is the very huge underlying theme that is being woven throughout the show/novel. Not only are we, the viewer/reader, invited to think/judge for ourselves based on the actions of the characters... But our main character, Wei Wuxian verbalizes those doubts and questions explicitly a few times and implicitly in the stand and choices that he decided to take. And due to Wei Wuxian’s influence, Lan Wangji who is used to follow his 3000+ rules on a daily life basis without ever questioning them, starts to do so. (“Do not befriend evil.”, “Be righteous.” )  What does it mean to be righteous? Must the notion of righteousness always align with general opinion? How do you define the ‘evil’ that you are not supposed to befriend? Is my definition the same as yours? Is my definition the same as the rest of the world? And if it is not the case, does it necessarily means that I’m in the wrong?  And the very obvious answer to those questions is “No, there is no visible line between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘good’ or ‘evil’... Nor is there any universally agreed on way to act in order to fit in one category or the other...” And this answer is illustrated in all the ways those numerous characters are depicted: their love, their hatred, their fear, their pain, their joys, their tears, their motivations, their frustrations, their shortcomings, their hidden or not so hidden agenda, their flaws... All of them are depicted in such an awesome and wholesome human way.  They are not fully good or fully bad, they are human, with all that it entails... Main characters and main villains included (or rather, I’d say especially them) [Though the show tended smooth and cover this aspect a little bit more than the novel in my opinion]  

“Don't you understand? When you’re standing on their side, you’re the bizarre genius, the miraculous hero, the force of the rebellion, the flower that blooms alone. But the second your voice differs from theirs, you’ve lost your mind, you’ve ignored morality, you’ve walked the crooked path.” (Jiang Cheng)

Another theme that is strongly address here is the matter of “Public Opinion”. Despite (or rather because of) how fickle it is, public opinion, rumors (no matter how unfounded) could so easily ruins your reputation, your standing. And if you loose their favors than all your previous actions (no matter how praised it had been in the past) would be seen with a blackened lens. I remember feeling as frustrated as Wei Wuxian at the lack of logic, the rhetoric employed and the sheer hypocrisy that had been portrayed by the mass. I think that there is one character that can be easily recognized as the pure personification of “Public Opinion”, he is without a doubt meant to be the “voice of the mass, of the bystanders whose opinions shouldn’t really matter but actually does a lot”. I won’t tell who it is, it’s pretty obvious if you watch the show... And I think that we are meant to feel annoyed at such characters. I think we are meant to be as frustrated as that one character who at a mass gathering tried to make a stand, tried to do the right thing, but was quickly shut down with dubious rhetoric and blatant disregard because their voice didn’t carry enough power. And last but not least, the show/novel broaches the issue of how social standing is considered very, very much dependent on your circumstance of birth. Like I said before the cultivation world in CQL/MDZS is inherently elitist. In order to be able to cultivate you must learn the proper techniques and at a quite young age. But it is not something that you could do on your own unless you’re some kind of genius or prodigy. Which means that you must attract the attention of a nearby sects or begs them to take you in as a disciple. It means though that you’ll probably start a little later than the disciples that were born directly within the sect [inner disciples], meaning you’ll probably end being weaker. However even if by some truly dedication and perseverance you manage to the same level as the inner disciples, you’ll still only be seen as an outer disciples, nothing more than cannon fodder in the eyes of society. In all the major sects, there is a distinctive mark, objects that only disciples coming from the sect family line are allowed to carry, as an irrevocable sign of their high standing in society and their inherent privileges. There are some exceptional circumstances though where someone of low birth status might reach this elitist sphere. But no matter how high they reach, how outstanding they are, in some way they will always be reminded (sometimes behind their backs, sometimes subtly, sometimes right in their face) of the stigma of their birth. There are three characters in particular, whose journeys mirror and foil each other a lot.   And I think it is very interesting to see this “son of a prostitute” or “son of a servant” or “street rat” or “bastard” advanced through society. They all received very different upbringings, despite all starting more or less at a low point. And I liked that the way they decided to live later on and how they tackle/handle the cultivation world  is very much reflected and influenced by their upbringings rather than the circumstances of their birth. It brings up this very strong message that, if they are the way they are it is not because of who their parents are, but rather how the people around them reacted to them. The way they are right now is not the fruit of their birth but a direct consequences of the rejection/acceptance of society. And so when you look at them, you can’t help but see their journeys as a three forking road paths reflecting the other like twisted mirrors. You look at their actions now, then back their different circumstances and you can’t help but think “Ah, that is what might happened if things were different.” [There is a reason that canon-divergence and time travel fix-it are my favorite tropes... my bias is really showing here... haha] And it really, really hammers on the importance of kindness in the face of misery and discrimination. Kindness  and acceptance at the right moment, no matter how small can change everything. Sometimes, something even as small as a candy.  

The movie sets and props So I mentioned before that the budget of CQL really wasn’t that high and they had to make choices. And I could only applaud their choices, because really, wah! Just look at the main sects locations, the scenery, the backgrounds. It’s so beautiful!! [Had I had any gifing talent I would have included them so that you could get the full mind-blowing experience... so I’ll just send you to @gusucloud​ blog, where all the gifs and edits are amazing, (Cloud Recesses here and Lotus Pier here) and in this post  have my lame-ass screenshots instead.]

The fine details, the workmanship in most of the props in the background, the swords!!! *Incoherent flailing*

[I didn’t manage to get any close-up of the swords... but believe me, they are piece of arts!]

The music

The soundtrack of the show is absolutely amazing and beautiful.

You know how in movies and tv shows couples always seem to have “a song”... like “Oh! Look our song is playing!”... Weeeeeell...

Wangxian do too and it’s literally their song, as in their actors are singing it. You can of course hear it in the ending, but... but! I think the way it was used within the episode was very striking. It’s one of the many ways the producer teams managed to convey the romantic aspect of their relationship. And it was very well done.

Wuji, by Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo

Wuji, instrumental piano + flute + Zither version

Just imagine, dude just resurrected from his 16 years of deadness and you see him moping at night by playing this beautiful tune with a freaking leaf... just because he saw some cultivators wearing the same uniform as Lan Wangji... So at this point you know that this song might means something but well, you don’t really get it...

The second time you hear this tune, we are on a mountain, and it’s through a bamboo flute that Wei Wuxian used to appease and calm down an agitated corpse [who he apparently knows]... He is luring ‘it’ out to a safe place, so he is playing the song while slowly moving back one step at a time. Then his back suddenly bumps into someone... This person catches his hand. The flute playing abruptly stops and the full instrumental version with piano+flute is suddenly blaring out in the background. And then it’s as if the whole world stops as they gaze at each other, while the music keeps playing. And really, you might fully understand the weight of their gazes, or their history, but you know that it’s there... That’s the moment where you look at them looking at each other, grasping at each other wrist, where you can still hear their song in the background... and can only go “Oh. Oh.”  [Then of course a purple ball of pure anger just had to come and interrupt them. Excuse you, they were quickly having a moment there. Kidding aside, It was such a nice scene, it’s hand down one of my favorite scene of the whole show, and the music played a really huge part in my opinion.]

And if it wasn’t enough to hammer it down. The third times will definitively do it. So both of them are fifteen years and meet each other for the first time, when Wei Wuxian goes to study at Lan Wangji’s sect. Of course there first impression of each other is disastrous, what’s with Wei Wuxian insisting to come inside despite having lost his invitation and Lan Wangji clearly stating that no one is allowed without invitation. Of course it doesn’t help that after running back to fetch his lost invitation, Wei Wuxian snuck in after curfew (breaking a protective ward on his way), while smuggling two jar of alcohol. All of the above are forbidden in Cloud Recess, by the way. So our boy just casually broke three rules and then who catch him, right when he is climbing over the wall? Lan Wangji, who’s on patrol, of course. [Like I said, disastrous first impression]...And so after frostily listing all the rules Wei Wuxian broke not even five minutes in , Lan Wangji tries to bring Wei Wuxian to be disciplined. Wei Wuxian, of fucking course, resists. And the two proceed to fight (sword and all).

Cue their song playing as they cross swords on the rooftop of Cloud recesses, under the light of a full moon night.

If that is not a meet-cute I don’t know what it is.

Anyway this song is played many, many more times in the show and I’m not talking about them because I don’t want to spoil anyone.

Also as an aside, they don’t appear in the show... But there are character songs that have been recorded. Some of them sung by the actual actors and other not. And while all of them are really good, if there is absolutely one that you must listen to, it’s “Bu Wang” by Wang Yibo the actor of Lan Wangji.  Make sure to watch the official MV only after watching the whole show (because it’s spoilery) and to activate the cc for the lyrics translation. It’s such a beautiful and painful song; and a very insightful reflection of Lan Wangji’s character.  I love it.

Lan Sizhui and A-Yuan

No argument or explanation needed, you’ll see when you get there. I dare you not to like those small fluffy cinnamon rolls! 

The Junior Quartet

Okay those ducklings deserve a whole sub-section on their own. Not only because they are all amazing kids but because of what they represent.  

What is really great here is that since the story takes place over the span of 16/13 years, you get to see three different generations at various stage of their development. In the past you get to see the parents generation at their sum-up while there child, the following generation [Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji etc] from their teenage years to young adulthood. Then in the present you see the teenagers reaching the age their parents were (more or less, probably slightly younger) and the next generation (the ducklings) about the same age as Wei Wuxian’s generation were at the beginning. And the juxtaposition between the two pictures is just so, so very telling because the differences are glaring.

I’m going to borrow the words from qrbat who wrote this wonderful fanfiction, “tell some storm” on ao3.

The parents generation was a generation of Pride and Greed, it was a generation that lauded standing your ground no matter what and refusing outsider help. They were the generation which raised their children as a “generation of War”. A war that they started and that their children, teenagers, had to fight and end for them. And in comparison the junior generation seems so unexperienced so soft... and that’s a good thing, because it means that those children hadn’t had to experience the hardship of war, hadn’t had to grow up so fast because they basically didn’t have any decent parental figures to help them. Instead of perpetuating the cycle of hate and war started by their elders, the generation of War raised the next generation as a generation of peace, as a “generation of Love” and acceptance.

And it is amazing because the juniors, simply by being who they are, are embodying  this  message from Wei Wuxian’s generations to their parents “See? This is what it means to parent. I had to sacrifice my childhood and innocence to fight your war and I still managed to raise such amazing and kind children, what was your freaking excuse? I will not be like you. Times are changing and they are changing for the better.”

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*Look at length of the post* *snort* Right. Okay, would you believe me, if I told you that in the beginning this post was supposed to be an appreciation post for all three of MXTX’s works and not just MDZS because I was afraid it would be too short? Yup so turned out I had a lot more things to say than I thought.  Please feel free to react or just message me about anything MXTX’s fandom related... I am desperately in need of friends to discuss with about MXTX’s stuff!   

[doctorsupernova-archive]

mostly i associate u with steven universe, and earthbound not that i know anything about it. another association with you is feeling like u would support my interests, and protect me from bitter/angry ppl on the internet.... since you reblog a lot of posts related to that, it seems. ^^ oh and I notice you like/reblog from me a lot, if that counts.

Aww, thank you so much, anon!

I’m really really glad I give off that vibe, since I know how much it sucks to have people vocally hate something you love. I’ve seen stuff like “cringe culture is dead!” and yet the moment your special interest isn’t something “cool” to like, those same people turn around and put you on blast. It’s disgusting! And it can really get you down if you’re not careful.

But you know what? Here’s a little nugget I’ve been refining over the years to protect myself from the maelstrom of negativity that is the internet:

The only person’s approval you need to love what you love is your own. If something sparks an emotion or resonates with you, then that experience is real and it’s a part of you - and nobody can take that away from you.

Part of this is because getting super attached to my fandoms and other interests is a part of my experience as an autistic person who gets special interests (and I imagine this applies to hyperfixations as well). That pure feeling of joy when I get invested in these stories and learn everything about a topic I can? I wouldn’t want to change that about myself even if I could. The other part is that I realized that everyone approaches things with different attitudes and expectations, and that other peoples’ shouldn’t affect my own.

What do I care if Other M is controversial? I didn’t approach the game with the same expectations that a lot of fans did, and Madeline and Melissa Bergman are two characters that I care about deeply - my many headcanons about where their stories might go helped me get through my awful bout with loneliness and depression in my freshman year of high school. Why should it matter if GoT is imperfect as an adaptation? I love bonding with my parents over discussions of the characters and speculation about the next season, and besides, why should a show’s merits as an adaptation of a book series I haven’t read matter to me, anyway? Nobody talks about THG anymore since it ended years ago? I remember it and still feel attached, so all those old emotions are still real to me and I can revisit them whenever I want. Barb was just a meme and nobody gives a shit about her anymore? Well, I do - as someone who’s felt disconnected from my peers throughout my life, she continues to be a major comfort character and source of catharsis for me, even if there won’t be any more canon content with her in it.

I could go on and on about my other forgotten or vocally hated interests (the Sonic series has so much personal meaning to me that it could get its own post), but you probably get the point.

I actually used to have a blurb about “we may not get along if you hate-blog interests xyz” on my about page, but I recently deleted it since it honestly doesn’t apply to me anymore. A lot of those posts you mentioned used to be about convincing myself that my special interests are okay, but I think everything finally clicked for me when I saw Steven’s fusion scene from “Change Your Mind”. Once I viewed myself with the lens I use to look at other people instead of the hypercritical one I use for myself, I realized - hey, this is a cool person I’d love to hug!

“I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me. I don’t need you to love me, I love me.”

So, that ends my little anecdote about how a scene from a cartoon helped me practice more mindfulness and made me realize how much I’ve grown as a person! Now, I mainly reblog those kinds of posts to help other people learn the same lesson that I have and make my corner of this website just a little warmer, a little less judgmental. Hearing that at least one of my followers has taken notice means a lot to me.

Oh, and if you ever want more advice or just someone to talk to about your own special interests, you can always send me an ask or a private message! I’m your dude

[sorikkung]

You did an intro to got7 a while ago could you maybe do one for A.C.E.??? They seem like a good group but I'm clueless atm so it would be v helpful!!!

lololol i did an intro to mark from got7 but not got7 as a whole, but yes ofc i will i love my talented bois and i love rambling about them heRE WE G O

an introduction to a.c.e, for dummies (jk ily choice is a great fandom pls join us)

also this is gonna get rlly long so im gonna put it under a cut

A.C.E is a 5-member boygroup under beat interactive!! which is a p small company atm so my boys dont exactly have the high quality living and practice areas and food that they deserve :(( THEYLL GET THERE THO IM SURE OF IT THEYRE LEGENDS

here’s their youtube channel with aaaaall sorts of goodies

i started stanning a.c.e predebut, bc they had a lot of content for a group that hadn’t debuted yet, and it was enough to snatch my attention real quick so you should check that shit out, they did a shitton of AMAZING covers and to get their name out there more, street buskings its a lot but i swear its worth your time theyre so talented!!

also they have matching tracksuits what more could you ask for tbh (as you can see from that vid, they’re literally so fucking extra)

a few of my favs are

this rlly long busking video w girl group songs and just a bit of everything tbh,

THIS amazing remix/cover of kard’s don’t recall by the rap line + this one cute girl,

only THE most iconic playing w fire cover, band version, (I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THAT VIDEO HONESTLY I COULD MAKE A POST ON THAT COVER ALONE ISTG) 

their flashlight cover that is enough to make a grown man cry omfuckigngOD it makes me feel things hjskskkh

that ONE TAKE dance cover they did of 3 of taeyangs songs, all focusing on a different member of the dance line

im gonna stop here before i link every damn cover they made

okay so now that thats covered (bad-um-tss) time for…DEBUT

THIs beauty right here is their debut song cactus, which has this really deep meaning to it. bc they came from a small company so they have to work extra hard to even be able to debut let alone be successful and they’re like a cactus bc cacti grow in the desert where there’s very little water but they still manage to stand strong even through the hardest of weather an environment conditions and eventually sprout beautiful flowers,, buuuuuut its also a meme for obvious reasons.

tbh debut era choice culture was just listening to cactus on repeat for days bc it was their only song at the time skjslaas not much has changed tbh LMAO but yes theyre a very edm loving group so their DANCE SKILLS ARE ON POINT SERIOUSLY IVE SEEN FEW GROUPS AS AMAZING AT DANCING AS ACE WOWOW

oh yeah did i mention that their fandom name is choice and that choice are literally the softest fandom my multifandom ass has e v e r been in?? theres literally no cringy or toxic side of the fandom its just so soft and welcoming and pure and everyone is so nice and sweet and friendly and just??? wow i love choice a lot hjkskjsshkhk choice are also SUPER talented too stan talent stan choice

speaking of cringe ace is that group that just like skipped the entire “rlly cringy boygroup debut phase” completely like no weird debut haircuts or outfits or weird lyrics about girls, well actually thats all kinda objective but like they made those outfits work ok and im a cactus isnt that weird of a lyric if you know the deep meaning behind it

aS yOu CaN sEe, cactus era was the era of the tHIGHS and the hot pants. it was literally so iconic it blew up and with great reason too, have you seen those thighs?? AND THEY KNOW IT TOO they even mentioned they chose the hot pants as their style concept and took better care of their legs than their faces. true kings. heres a video of a.c.e talking about the whole hot pants thing and just their legs in general its some quality shit. and heres a video where they decide to show off just how great their thighs are bc they like to kill choices like that, this video is important and iconic bc its where the wowson ship began and also when they declared who the king of thighs were amongst the kings of thighs. definitely a necessary watch for new choice imo. donghun lowkey grinds on the floor at 4:04, you’ve been warned. honestly that video just gets progressively gayer lmao i love it

also for us international choice they made an ENGLISH cover of cactus CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I LOVE THEM SM they didnt have to but they did and oml stan a group who stans you back this hard their english aint that great but theyre trying and i appreciate it so much theyre so amazing look

five months later they dropped their second single, callin’, and b o y was this a stressful comeback, beat had us FOOLEd,, i genuinely thought it was gonna be a flowerboy soft concept yknow with like some sweet lowkey ballad or soft pop song, but nOOooOOOooo, MORE HARDSTYLE EDM not that im complaining callin is a bop but i was TRICKED

LOOK AT THIS SHIT ITS ALL AESTHETIC AND THE CLIP OF THE SONG WAS ALL SOFT I WAS REALLY EXPECTING SMTH SOFT im sorry im still salty that beat tricked me but ITS FINE bc callin is a HELLA BOP like i honestly didnt expect them to top cactus so quickly bc like cactus was hella but they DID and its amazing and heres the link be blessed (warning, these gifs above make it look like a soft vid but there are LOTS of flashing colours and lights and its really intense on the eyes if youre not comfortable with that dont watch, just listen)

they also supplied multiple dance pracs you can find on their channel for callin bc ace feeds us well, although callin had a reaaaally short promotion period bc right after they got thrown onto survival shows for more publicity, but hey, its working!! choice is growing bigger every day and im so proud

donghun, wow and jason all went on yg’s show mixnine, and jun and chan went on the idol rebooting show, the unit. both teams are doing EXTREMELY well on their respective shows!! but ill talk more about that in their individual member profiles bc they havent been put on the same team for anything yet rip

edit: mixnine finished and donghun and jason made the cut for the final group, sehyoon didn’t :(( so dongson will be promoting with the mixnine group for a lil bit!! also chan made it to the unit debut group but jun didnt. im hoping for a sehyjun subunit pls

that was long af but now im gonna dive into the members individually!! so its probs gonna get twice as long sorrynotsorry i warned you

Jun (Park Junhee)

jun is the so-called fiery leader of ace (also lead dancer and lead vocal) but is honestly just a giant dork and a sweetheart. hes the type of guy who you scream at for being dumb and call him an idiot but thats your weird way of expressing your undying love for him?? ask literally any jun stan, they’ll say they hate him. hate him for being so PERFECT like a fucking DISNEY PRINCE he’s the designated prince of the group you know theres always that one member and hes just so LOVEABLE and stupid and skjdakhkjs he fuckign dropped his cake on his birthday when do your faves ever. dad of the group, probably lost the maknaes in the shopping mall about 3 times already. talks a lot, hates aegyo, his members might be planning on sacrificing him to satan? he does on idol class with chan every…i think its wednesday and fans vote who gets punishments n stuff and jun loses every damn time i think hes losing his faith in choice lmao. #saveleaderjun

he’s kinda married to donghun, they’re the parents of ace but donghun might try murder him in his sleep idk man, but now hes on the unit with chan and theyre all cute and you can literally ship everyone with everyone in this group

he has HELLA charisma on stage tho oh my gOd also he has one of the most unique singing voices ive ever heard so its really easy to single out, his face also is the first i learned to tell apart?? he has rlly high cheekbones and a wide but thin smile.

this is actually an ot5 video not just jun but jun’s reaction was by far the most iconic so i have to put it in his section, get you a fave who can FLY lmaooo

it would be CRIMINAL if i didnt solo out jun’s ringa linga cover, thE MOST ICONIC JUN COVER EVER HJFKDSJKFDSJK if i ever stop talking about this assume im dead bc IVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT jun in a leather jacket looking all rude and staring at the camera like that im WEAK, SO WEAK, AAAAAAAAHHHH

[ahem] MOVING ON

Donghun (Lee Donghun)

donghun, sometimes romanised as donghoon and often referred to by choice as hun or hoon, is the oldest member of the group and another total sweetheart, honestly ace is just a group of sweethearts, he cares for his members so damn much and is super soft?? but ALSO A s Av Age he’s on mixnine with sehyoon and jason and he SHOT DOWN YG, once again I C O N I C, yg was at a loss for words, heres more receipts of him being savage, i love my sassy boyfriend. BUT HES ALSO A SWEET NOODLE HJKSHJKS oH and did you know that before he joined a.c.e he had no experience in dancing whatsoever and in a year and a half, he caught up with the other four members that have been dancing since they were kids?? I STAN TALENT YALL you’d literally never be able to guess that bc all of them are like on an equal dance level its insane

also he used to have braces during cactus era and it was the softest shit

[cOUGHS] so like did someone say disrespect,,, bc he can do that too,,,,, aAAAAAAAH the duality of this man istg

he’s the main vocalist and has vO C AL S OF AN A N GEL, he has so much soul and emotion in his voice, and has adlibs for days oh my god, he also has the MOST BEAUTIFUL FALSETTO i’ve ever heard, fight me, actually come at me. his voice works REALLY well with chan so they pair him up with him for quite a handful of covers like the all of me one i linked (one of my favs omfg it makes me emo) cause like, his soulful voice plus chan’s higher, sweet voice just sounds so great together i love our main vocals wow.

sPEAKING OF WOW,

Wow (Kim Sehyoon)

his stage name is wow, but its hard to take seriously so the fandom just calls him sehyoon lmfao. it used to be seyoon but when he went on mixnine, he revealed sehyoon was the official romanization so here we are lmao. even if your bias isn’t sehyoon…it’s sehyoon. he’s just that guy ya feel me?? anyways sehyoon is a relatively quiet and reserved guy, but his members really pull out the dork in him, i love it so much?? he doesn’t talk much but when he does all of a.c.e directs their full attention to him to listen, its really sweet, hes pretty awkward with people but you can tell he just feels so safe and comfortable with ace it honestly warms my heart. he’s the main rapper and main dancer, but!! our multitalented man is also a vocalist. yes, you heard, me, the main rapper can sing, and really well at that. (if you scroll up back to the flashlight and dont recall covers, you can see more of his voice.)

gets the least lines, but not by much. although hearing his singing voice in their actual songs has happened like with 2 lines?? so idk man im just waiting for their ballad song that theyre apparently doing for their third song, god im so ready. i love his voice a lot, damn.

he’s also like reeeeeeeeeally gay for jason…the entire fandom ships it and they even ship it themselves. wowson, the otp of ace, they honestly just cant keep their hands off eachother??? i know a friend who struggled to tell apart jun and jason so she just looked at who sehyoon was standing next to and instantly knew it was jason. THEYRE SO CLINGY. i love my squishy boyfriends. 

OHHH BOY…i really could’ve used an even more disrespectful gif than this but that would ruin the surprise of watching it in the actual video!! as you can see, sehyoon is the K I N G of disrespect on stage, that shy lil fluffle bean you see offstage?? GONE. DISAPPEARED. VANISHED. this is why his stage name is wow, sehyoon disappears and you just go wow. choice has dubbed him king of bodyrolls with great reason, he makes every concept into a sexy concept, he just has that intimidatingly sexy aura to him, its incredible. 

now…are you ready….i bet youre not…who am i kidding NOBODY was ready for this shit. on mixnine, sehyoon was picked as leader for one of their stages (i think he was leader for ringa linga too??) and got to choreograph the routine. if you think its already rude 10 seconds in, its all over for you bitches when the lighting goes yellow. i feel the need to repeat, our boy CHOREOGRAPHED THIS. IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. EVERY. SINGLE. PART. this is the same kid who everyone on the show knew as the shy, quiet, handsome boy. but then. 

but then he did this.

Jason (Kim Byeongkwan)

jason is his stage name that he chose for himself but his real name is byeongkwan, its another case of an idol having a stage name and nobody calling them by it?? i mean most new choice call him jason and i personally switch between the two but most choice seem to call him byeongkwan or bk if theyre extra lazy lmao. memers call him byonk sometimes.

jason is the weird child of the group and we all love him…he’s the second lil ball of sunshine and part ½ of the maknae line. he’s often found clinging to sehyoon or literally any of the members bc he’s an affectionate son who loves cuddles okay?? p r o t e c t   h i m.

he’s also the lead everything. yeah thats really not fair but jason is op ok?? singing, rapping, dancing, visual, like sehyoon he’s the full package, i can hardly call them the rap line they’re just the op line t b h. triple threats.

on their official twt jason likes to confirm wowson a lot, its p great lololol he’s the biggest wowson shipper of all time. want more wowson? i gotchu, here’s one of my absolute fav moments. (ft. junchan/chun)

he has some HELLA CHARISMA on stage like boy can u pls chill. they also love doing his eye makeup with that red makeup and it looks rlly good bc bk has such pretty eagle eyes and its his Look™ and that along with his onstage persona is a DEADLY COMBINATION HDSJKSKSLKJS 

i’m just gonna keep this short; even if your bias isnt byeongkwan, your bias is byeongkwan. he has that affect on everybody. number one bias wrecker out of the fandom t b h apart from sehyoon (he cant be my bias wrecker if he is my bias so im safe :^J)

Chan (Kang Yuchan)

INTRODUCING OUR CHANSHINE, MAIN VOCAL OF ACE, CUTIE MAKNAE CHAN!!!! he always introduces himself as a.c.e’s main vocal cutie maknae chan, its his iconic line and it suits him so well like LOOK AT HIM ISNT HE JUST A FUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE WHAT A PURE CHILD I MUST PROTECC he’s literally the happy virus y’all AND ACE KNOWS IT TOO heres this one time where donghun even said that looking at chan cheers him up. certified sunshines only, everyone. also watch that whole video its long but its worth your time.

anyways our boy is a main vocal and as mentioned in donghun’s part they harmonize!!! so!! well!! i mean tbh all of ace can harmonize with eachother its the most beautfiul thing but these two are main vocal for a reason okay. if you didn’t already watch it in donghun’s part listen to THIS and have your ears be blessed i cry everytime oh my god skdfhd ALSO THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT ITS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET i want to cry i lvoe chans voice so much i love chan i love kang yuchan og hmylhdg sodf i was gonna say i swear im sehyoon biased but im not istg ace is bias wrecking me 24/7 its been the hardest group to pick a bias in ever im not kidding i cant even

also known as kang RUDE, chan was all innocent sunshine and daisies until out of the blue he decided to give the disrespect king sehyoon a run for his fucking money. NOBODY FUCKING SAW IT COMING WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS SO PURE AND THEN HE SUDDENLY STARTED FLASHING HIS ABS EVERYWHERE AND GRINDING ON THE FLOOR AND DOING THAT AND WE JUST CANT HANDLE IT i dont know a kang yuchan please save me oh my lord

okay this already has an ungodly amount of links and honestly i could go on, but this should be a good enough kickstart for you!!

stan talent stan a.c.e everyone. welcome to the choice family. its literally the softest and sweetest fandom out there. we welcome you with open arms and lots of cacti!!!

[panticwritten]

Okay, I’m trying to find the motivation to write and maybe I’ll get it if I complain about my maladaptive daydreaming for a spell. I started writing this in my journal and realized that it’s something worth sharing with other MaDDers. I’m gonna apologize right now because this is digging deep and I might come off as snappy or angry. That’s because I am angry. I promise that I’m, like, okay. I just know that I would have killed to see other people dealing with the same shit that I did when I was younger. 

Uhhhhhhh quick trigger warnings because upon reading this over I should probably add these. I got kind of dramatic because I apparently don’t know how to tell personal stories without theatrics and tangents.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms

Direct suicide mention

Direct self harm mention

Have my truths about MaDD.

I use my daydreams to write. I think I post mostly about my positive experiences with it, I don’t know, I don’t remember ever talking actual shit about it so here we go time to drop the real anger and frustration because I’m just realizing why this particular thing makes me so mad.

I think I’ve been giving it a positive spin but that’s. Not the truth. There are so many things that I could bitch about when it comes to maladaptive daydreams to dash out those responses of “oh yeah I also have a great imagination i love daydreaming /stars in eyes/ i got distracted one (1) time during class daydreaming about summer for half an hour” to every ‘relatable’ MaDD post that makes me want to scream.

I love my characters, I love the stories I get to write, I love the exhilaration that comes out of winning a ‘campaign’ (if I can ignore the more negative side effects), I love Connor, and all (most) of the different versions of me. I still love all of those things. It’s like loving cheese and ice cream when you’re lactose intolerant, except you can actually choose to not eat ice cream goddamn it.

I could talk about how daydreaming sometimes leaves me looking up and realizing I’ve been sitting stock still and staring at the same line of a fanfiction for six hours while my roommate tries and fails to converse with me.

How when I’m alone and I start daydream I pace, compulsively clean until I panic because I can’t get anything good enough, type or write until my fingers ache.

How realizing that I’m not the person (people?) I am in my daydreams cuts me because they can do anything, but also makes me sag in relief because they are not the kind of person I would ever inflict on the people I care about in real life.

How I spent half of senior year hiding tears because I was juggling 3+ emotionally draining longterm daydreams in between school and extracurriculars.

How until I started wearing my necklace of keys and a ring, I would look up from the worst of the dreams with sores up and down my forearm because I would scratch it to bleeding without realizing it.

How in sophomore year of high school I swallowed a bottle and a half of antidepressants because my best friend wasn’t real and had abandoned me the previous year.

How I can’t be in the dark by myself, how the idea of being underground closes my throat with panic, how I wish for physical affection but I can’t handle being touched without warning anymore, how I see characters that remind of Count Olaf and my limbic system tells me I’m not safe, how the sound of those dumb horns every Homestuck cosplayer practically nuts over makes me feel physically ill. All because of the bullshit in my daydreams.

But that’s not what I’m furious about today so I’ll save those particular stories for another day.

So. I always end up having daydreams in the universes of media I get obsessed with. There are some things I randomly don’t daydream with but sometimes I like. Look at a thing I read when I was younger and I remember how great a read it was and I’m like “hey I should read that again it was hecking good”

But I know I can’t touch that series with a ten foot pole because if I so much as read a summary suddenly I’ll have another universe I’m invested in.

I’m talking expressly about Gregor the Overlander, but that’s just the surface of the problem.

I inhaled that entire series in 5th grade and that was when I had time to read every second of the goddamn day and didn’t really daydream all that much because like?? I had books why would I need universes in my head.

That changed when I started getting yelled for reading in class once I hit middle school but that’s a whole other thing.

But yeah, I read GtO in 5th grade and loved the shit out of it because it’s a fantastic series. I want more than anything to revisit it, to read it and write dumb fanfiction involving bats and flying and awesome things, but I know that would be a huge mistake.

Gregor the Overlander joins Percy Jackson, Maybird, and so many other series I read when I was a kid that I cannot read. Last time I read Harry Potter, I had a daydream that wrecked me for a while. I started reading Series of Unfortunate Events again and I had to lock the door to that daydream because when I go into that universe I can’t function as a human being because it’s the only daydream that matches (and maybe exceeds) the emotional strain that my Escape From Furnace daydreamshave put me through. I rewatched Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and around episode 10 I started daydreaming in that universe too.

I never know anymore what series will get me. Belgariad didn’t do it, and that’s my favorite book series on the planet. I know that neither Warrior Cats or Guardians of Ga’Hool would do it by some weird fucking instinct. Steven Universe didn’t do it, and that series is the exact kind of universe I would have a field day in. Same with Pokemon (except for the CONCEPT of the third movie, I guess).

Gravity Falls nearly made my depression rocket to worse lows than it had been in MONTHS because of the daydream it triggered. Seven Deadly Sins threw me into one, though to a lesser extent. Trollhunters, Be More Chill, Hunger Games, Homestuck, JTHM, Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, so many things, even things I didn’t expect to trip me up.

And that’s not even getting into the massive trigger that is music because I haven’t found a song that doesn’t bring me into a daydream scene in a long time.

It’s like walking on fucking eggshells.

It’s one of the things that makes me really hate my maladaptive daydreaming.

Like, I’m already fucked because when it pulls me in it turns me into a shitty friend, it gets in the way of school, writing, work, and hurts me because so much of what I care about isn’t real. It tricks me into hating myself for being hurt emotionally by the things that happen in the daydreams because obviously it’s not real how could it possibly affect my real life like this.

But I’d accepted all of that as collateral. It doesn’t matter as long as I have something to write about. I track my depression with how much I write so as long as I’m writing I must be fine. I can mitigate the damage and bend my daydreams to work for me when I really need them to. Coping mechanisms and tricking myself into daydreaming that I’m looking into a new target for the Scouts rather than researching for a paper etc. etc.

But I hate this because now I can’t even like things.

Whenever I want to read/watch something new I have to look at it really hard. I have to think, “Is this good enough that I’ll enjoy it, but not so good it’ll throw me into weeks of daydreaming, scratched forearms, blank stares, guilt, dropped grades, hurt feelings, and general exhaustion?”

I’m normally safe with certain genres. Tame rom coms. Most crime novels. Superhero movies/comics.

But then I read something I should be fine with and suddenly I have a daydream in the Fifty Shades universe so I have an excuse to slap Christian Grey in the face and go to benefit functions in an established universe with Connor. I play a game that I don’t know anything about and suddenly I’m daydreaming in the Two Souls Universe because the idea of Connor being a rift ghost tickles my brain in all the right ways I guess. I reread Homestuck because cringe culture is dead and I find a stack of SBURB discs in the Cube and I’m struggling to keep the daydream from moving further than that because I can’t, not when I already messed up winter term so much with my daydreaming. Not when I know that SBURB would mean creating more than one new universe to keep the Cube from being destroyed. Not when I know that SBURB would mean everyone involved would likely die at least once.

But at this point I know I’m just delaying the inevitable. I can distract myself with fanfiction and Grey’s Anatomy for a bit, but it won’t last forever. Everything feels like screaming in my entire body and when I know that the only way to make the screaming quieter is to find something else to write, something else to make my eyes glaze over for six hours while my roommate tries and fails to talk to me, I know I won’t hold out for long.

I love my daydreams.

But maladaptive daydreaming is about the farthest thing from being fun as I can think of. If the prospect of losing 90% of the people I care about didn’t scare the shit out of me, I would take any chance to get rid of them that was offered to me. To be a normal fucking person. As it is, all I can do is keep it from getting worse.

So I don’t read Gregor the Overlander. And I stay angry. And the screaming gets louder. And I don’t write for several weeks, praying the motivation to write will come back to me again.