#like…go study
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i see far too much of myself in this idiot
#like…go study#what are you doing making an oc in someone else’s work#you have a test on monday!!#orv webtoon#kim dokja#orv#omniscent reader#orv spoilers#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv kdj#orv kim dokja
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some recent stuff i've done in magma bc im kind of addicted to using it lol
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#grunkle stan#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#gravity falls fanart#fanart#disney#environment/lighting studies/experiments in magma save.....#i seriously can't stop doing them bruh i'm going crazy 😭😭#i just got magma premium yesterday bc i was running out of space on my account LOL#anyway yeahhhh hope u like#mods art#mods draws#my art
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dana scully may be the girl of all time
#x files fanart#the x files#txf#txf fanart#dana scully#x files#my art#digital artwork#procreate#digital art#it’s only been months but I finally drew scully !!#I love how these turned out like… might render that background one later#poor queequeg (had to take a bath)#the hold this show has on my brain could be studied#on season 6 now and what is going on guys#but yay!!#the x-files#the x files fanart
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#p5r#persona 5 protagonist#akechi goro#IM FREEEE IM FREEE IM FREEEEE#IT ONLY TOOK 24 HOURS AND THEN SOME AND 2 MONTHS OF SANITY!!!!!!#im never drawing anything like this again ill be going bsck to 3/4 bust up 0 backgrounds.#persona 5#shuake#ANYWAY. listened to a lot of picture you by chapp3ll roan while drawing this…#and like the correlation isnt there but i think abt all the mutual things….joker bringing rival up twice and akechi being shocked#my art#doodle#doodles#and the way at the end akc thinks that joker wished him back because of pity 😔#do you picture me like i picture you am i in the frame of your point of view…#joker being the only person akc trusts and relies on but is it the same….is it all just pity…..#ANYWAYYYYYYY my sanity! gone! i have to go study for my test now and alllll my hw and honey im home day art
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AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be
#actually adhd#actually autistic#audhd#aphelion.txt#ik 'adhd brain' vs 'autism brain' is a gross oversimplification especially given how much overlap there can be#but it at least helps me conceptualize wtf is going on in my head when i do this lol#and yeah i'm mostly referring to fandoms in this post but it can happen w more 'Traditional' special interests too#like my linguistics special interest which hasn't popped up in a couple years now but whenever it does#i will fill literal notebooks while studying 4 languages at once and simultaneously inventing a conlang#and then i'll be like Ok that was fun! and several months later im deleting like. 2gb of textbooks off my iphone to make room for an update#And sometimes yeah there is a precipitating event like 'Oh something new happened in X fandom with my blorbo!' but sometimes it's like#yeah. no. idk either. switch got flipped in my brain and X no longer sparks joy. only Y rn. how come it's Y? yeah idk i also wish i knew#i don't think any of this is actually an uncommon experience for people with these types of neurodivergencies it's just.#the severity of abruptness and TOTALITY of the switch that makes me feel like a weirdo sometimes lol#like I'M getting mental whiplash from this sometimes. idk how y'all are still following my blog
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I really wonder if trauma theorists who say things like "Humans are the only animal that will be in a fright state when physically safe" or "the rest of the animal kingdom doesn't get PTSD" have ever, like
Do you think they've actually ever met an animal?
#staranise original#psychology#child abuse tw#ptsd tw#animal cruelty tw#so much of what we know about the nervous system and behaviour comes from animal studies!!!#the physiological toll of even fairly brief upsetting events on baby rats is evident for the rest of their lives#my cat has been spoiled like a princess for a decade straight#and if you reach out to pet the top of her head with your hand palm-down she WILL smack you#no matter how happy she is with the rest of the interaction#she LOVES being petted on the head if you approach with your hand behind her ears#seeing that A L W A Y S causes her to react out of sheer reflex#even with me#tell me that's not a trauma response#actually don't#I need to go wrap presents
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decided i’m gonna get this printed as a poster and just hang it above my bed so each morning i can wake up feeling like a victim of medical malpractice
#then from that point the day can only get better#wake up like MEDICAL BILLS?!#and then go oh no nvm#my friend had a one piece poster like this above their bed#i made fun of them for it#look at me now#anyways they look so cute here#despite the fact they look like they’re studying me!#appraising my value!#alas!#house md#diagnosis: yaoi
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One of the more frustrating things about the particular kind of anti-intellectualism directed at the humanities here and on places like tiktok is that pointing it out makes you seem like a killjoy.
No, I actually didn't find your "historians will say they were just friends" joke funny. No I don't think speculating that old photos are in black and white to make them seem older is harmless. But I seem uptight and "not fun" when I say these things.
#i also have another historical hot take but people are going to have to ask for that#anyway history or lit or cultural studies conspiracy theories are taken more lightly it feels like#because it can hide behind speculating joking and “were you there?”
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#i want to study him like a bug#maybe put him in a blender like he did to the rats#or a microwave#im going insane#he's so messed up in a way that scratches my brain#armand no last name#armand#the vampire armand#armand amadeo arun#interview with the vampire#iwtv#amc iwtv
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#death#death spn#julian richings#julian you and your beady eyes will always mean the world to me#i haven't been feeling well recently so ive been really going back to basics/studying and stuff and this...sort of happened#i was doing skull studies all week and julian's face structure is so so so so so perfect#i feel like it's easier for me to draw old people because you can spot the depression on the cheeks/ zygomatic bone easily#before frollo silco there was death#i don't want to jump back in the spn fandom because that ending was dumb#death and crowley i love you you deserved better#i had no idea mark sheppard had 6 heart attacks btw like i thought it was just one not 6 im so glad he's still with us#make a movie with just death and follow him doing his job because julian is so captivating#spn#spn fanart#supernatural#my art#please dont repost
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i'm proud of how tubbo is handling this situation. he's live in front of 40k+ people and still keeping a level head and not letting dream get away with the way he's talking in circles and avoiding the points. tubbo will get back to the topic at hand if he feels like it's unresolved and not getting distracted, it's genuinely impressive
#like sure we're over here on the sidelines screaming 'oh mention this mention that !!' but man he's doing really well for doing this live#not me saying i'm gonna go study and still i'm over here watching 💀💀#tubbo#dream situation
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Find me.
#i dont usually do dw fanart but i HAD to make an exception and do a very hasty screenshot redraw/study of this scene#it's like some unknown force pushed me to my computer and refused to let me go until it was done#my art#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dw spoilers#the doctor#fifteenth doctor#rogue doctor who#timerogue#dw fanart
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It's still interesting that TBoB called more attention to Stan's control over his mindscape (And if you go with the interpretation that the lost pages are partial truths that are heavily influenced by Bill, then he's the one insisting that only someone with training should be able to have that much control over the mind.)
Meanwhile we have a memory!Stan. Someone who apparently knows too much and is rather aware for being a simple memory.
From the Wheel of Shame, we know Bill was able dig up all kinds of dirt on Stan but... that wasn't why he was there in the first place, was it?
Bill couldn't find the code immediately despite a memory of Stan opening the safe being a few hours old at most and decided to have Mabel try find it for him (The original concept of the ep had it far more hidden but this was likely cut because of time constraints)
Ford did experiments on Stan's mind which likely meant using Project Mentem and actually looking around his mindscape, and his only reaction was to comment on his jokes-- despite what little we the audience know being enough to render us sobbing wrecks
(yes I refuse to shut up about this part cos the book's intro is extremely underrated)
Stan was able to replace his memories of Ford with the swingset instead and managed to hide Ford in his Bar Mitzvah memory. And that's not even mentioning the lack of visible Portal and Stan o' War which noticeably show up in Ford's dreamscape (the broken swingset manifesting anyway pains me tho)
He subconsciously has misdirects for his secrets that are both silly and manages to disturb everyone too
And while Bill-as-Soos being bored by the vending machine memory is a joke that's basically the crew's way of going "hey remember the thing way back in the first ep that's going to show up in the next one?" and in-universe appears to be Stan slipping up, it's interesting that they had Stan input the wrong code when it's consistent literally every other time its inputted (especially when it shows up correctly in the very next episode)
It's even possible that the safe code that Bill found could have been a misdirect too but we'll never know since the safe got blown open by dynamite.
Stan was able to buy time by making his mind blank despite being genuinely terrified when Bill enters his mind (to the point that he breaks character and uses his own voice to yell), and could conjure up his living room (in colour opposed to his mind's regular greyscale) to make sure Bill didn't have enough room to flee, slamming the door in his face before the effects of the memory gun kicked in.
(EDIT: Random door analysis here)
And maybe the twins eventually told him that Bill had already been inside his mind after their W3 reunion, but all we know was that his conscious self was left in the dark for ages and wasn't really aware of Bill until Weirdmageddon.
TBoB showing McGucket's dreamscape also brings up the idea of the effects of the memory gun manifesting differently to each person. To Stan's mindscape, the memory wipe manifests as blue flames which immediately brings to mind Bill's powers but it's a far lighter shade (maybe to more closely match the memory gun and its eventual fade to white?)
The end of TBoB and the website poem also firmly reminds us about Stan's connection to fire but there's also the question if Stan himself is actually aware of it...
#but also j3 having ford read dipper's entries post dd&md but not having him know about the kids' encounters with bill is so kashdskahd#cos that implies he immediately skipped the pages that mentioned stan 😭and didn't read mabel's entries#oh for him to actually react to dipper's observations about stan's mindscape....#stan pines#stanley pines#bill cipher#gravity falls#gf meta#yes of course my brain is still going ' same coin theory ooooo' at this#cos i doubt that j1 has any mention of the mindscape and it's not like stan would have studied this stuff#imagine iconic hippy hater actually mediating on purpose#i'm still waving my arms about stan potentially seeing the reader's version of tbob tho#but even if that ain't the case bill having a breakdown from him reading him like a book is still iconic#dunno if this is coherent and i'm pretty sure all this stuff is things most folks know but idk some people didn't read the journal#some folks don't know about the poem!!!! truly the biggest tragedy
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Actually, the bars aren't so bad anymore.
Think you can fix him? Read about his care instructions over at Tiger Tiger)
#Tiger Tiger#ludovica bonnaire#rakkatak ann#I thought I liked him (in a way he has a great design and is an effective antagonist) and *then* he licked the spit.#Now I need to create a lab to study him in. My god. He gives me hives. I need to see more of him NOW.#Something is wrong with him and it fascinates me.#He is everything I like in an antagonist. A little bit stupid and unintentionally funny while being a genuine threat.#I call him rat man they way I want to see him skitter around on the floor.#Call him rat man the way he might need a little cheerio snack and some enrichment.#I am so...so tired and I am struggling to keep the jokes train going.#Please continue to read Tiger Tiger! Every new reader fuels my energy gauge.#Sorry I've been missing so many days of posting. I'll try to make up with some extra posts this week!
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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Falin isn't comfortable in these kinds of clothes but I'm a big fat Falin kinnie so I had to draw her in some of my outfits anyways ✌️😗
#the overalls is the only one of these outfits that she'd be kinda okay with 😂 but whatever#me @ falin: (points) go there. in the clothes#also her feathers ended up looking more like scales so >:T I think I'm gonna do some studies#my art#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#farlyn touden#farlyn thorden#man maybe I can stop tagging all her different name translations now that the anime is unifying everyone LMAO#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon spoilers
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