#like you fucking GET the scales here are VASTLY different. right????

[sawkinator]

y'know having some of my fellow Americans say it's bad to celebrate a CEO's murder is obnoxious but kind of expected in today's political climate

hearing a European express such a sentiment is lowkey enraging though

[thisworldisablackhole]

A Memory Called Empire, by Arkady Martine - 4.5/5

Turns out I fucking love space operas. My god. I wish I had discovered this book so much earlier in my reading journey. I feel like this is the book I've always wanted to read, the one that finally takes all my favourite pieces of the stories I love and puts them together the right way. It's taken me a long time to sit down and write about it, because I barely know where to start, the story was just so intoxicating and personal that I almost feel like just keeping this one to myself, close to the heart. But I'll try anyway...

Right off the bat, I got big The Left Hand Of Darkness (Ursula K. Le Guin) vibes from this story. It has a similar premise, and explores similar themes; An ambassador is sent from a different planet with some sort of goal in mind, and they get embroiled in a mess of political intrigue as they struggle to grasp for familiarity in a strange new culture. Themes of duality in identity are explored as well, although this is a VASTLY different take than Le Guin's and it is damn brilliant. But A Memory Called Empire, despite mostly taking place in one city, also has the massive scale of a world spanning sci-fi epic such as Fall Of Hyperion, in the way that the actions of our main character trigger a cascade of events that ripple throughout the universe (there are also frequent mentions of "jumpgates" that remind me a lot of Hyperion's farcaster portals). So it truly has the best of both worlds; the deeply intricate (and often confusing) personal relationships—and when you zoom out—the space battles, the crusading empire and it's mass planetary colonization efforts.

A Memory Called Empire is home to some of the best worldbuilding and character work I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Martine just pays so much attention to the minute details of everything. She is truly an observer of humanity, and it shines in her writing. Every gesture, every facial expression, every subtle difference in the phrasings of different cultures are put under the magnifying glass. Every character has such a unique and believable personality, and I really felt like I was beside Mahit Dzmare the whole time as she tries to navigate and understand the differences between herself and the citizens of Teixcalaan. This book also made me realize just how important colour is in worldbuilding. This is easy to do poorly (for example, how Dan Simmons' heedless overuse of "lapis lazuli" basically turned into a inside joke amongst readers), but everything in Teixcalaan is bathed in rose quartz and gold and silver whites, a really flowery language that is befitting of a place nicknamed the "Jewel of the World". Martine brings a sense of soft elegance to the empire and it's technological marvels that was utterly engrossing, and a stark contrast to the insidious nature of the Empire.

A lot of this story revolves around understanding the nuances of language. The people of Teixcalaan often speak in poetry and even encrypt their political discourse with poems and fancy glyphs, but this sense of poetry and decryption is also present directly in Martine's prose. There are a lot of reflections of our modern society to be found in here, some of which are implemented beautifully, some of them a little awkwardly. My only real criticism of the book is that there are a few moments where the metaphors became almost too clear. It's not that I didn't appreciate the underlying meaning, it just sort of took me out of the story and ruined my immersion. Fortunately it doesn't take long for Martine to get the story back on track and stop indulging in poetic double entendres, and these moments sort of just become little hiccups in an otherwise beautiful journey.

A Memory Called Empire was just so refreshing. This is the tale that contemporary readers of science fiction deserve. It's sensitive, it's aware, it turns the social norms of modern society upside down and completely normalizes things such as same-sex relations, ambiguous identities and our deep internal conflicts without lowering any of the stakes of the plot or deterring the average reader. We need more writers like Martine in this world. I wish I could have read this slower, but thankfully there's a sequel that I'm already about 60 pages into and holy shit, it's already just as good.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

UPSET THAT I CANNOT REPLY TO A POST WITH AN IMAGE. I AM SITTING HERE LIKE THIS THINKING ABOUT VASH/CPHIL PARALLELS:

IM GONNA REPLY TO THIS WITH MY CPHIL/VASH COMPARISON ANALYSIS. BECAUSE THE BRAINROT HAS SET IN AND IT'S KILLING ME.

OK OK ALRIGHT. OK. so first of all. cphil and vash the stampede. angel imagery. lost their best friend. lost their family. lost their home. extreme family issues. vash has a missing arm and phil has a wrecked wing. vash can't use his powers at the end of trimax and phil can't fly anymore. crying. ok so now we've got these fuckin parallels right. ok i'm gonna get into their classpects because they are so similar but so different. this is gonna b under a cut this got away from me i'm so sorry i could talk classpects for HOURSSSSSS

so cPhil to me is a Seer of Life, right? Seers are supposed to guide their fellow players on the right path. cPhil TRIES to do that. right. like he TRIES. but god he is so bad at it. he's so disconnected from mortals in general that he just doesn't know how they work. he thinks they're all doing things wrong and they just need some guidance to do it right!!! and Vash is a Muse of Life to me. lots of parallels here between him and Calliope (seen in this post where i delve into Vash and Knives' classpects).

They're both Life players with the same goals, but with vastly different ways they go about achieving those goals. they just want peace for everyone else, but god they are both so fucking bad at it. they are at opposite ends of a morality scale here. Vash's main focus is keeping people alive and it doesn't matter what he has to do to keep it that way, no matter what happens to himself or whether keeping one guy alive will indirectly result in the deaths of others. Phil's main focus is establishing peace, and he doesn't care what he has to destroy in the meantime to do that, as long as it doesn't harm himself or the people he's close to. To Vash, the ends justify the means. He can sacrifice his own wellbeing to keep others safe as long as no one else gets hurt while he's there. To Phil, the method of getting to his goal matters just as much, because instead of looking at it as just "the ends justify the means" he sees it as "everything i do pushes myself towards achieving what i want, my goal will never be reached without these actions so i might as well do what i want and maybe the destruction will teach everyone a lesson along the way" LIKE HE'S SO FUCKED UP <3

cPhil is so derse dreamer and Vash is so prospit dreamer. THAT'S the big difference!!! they see their actions very differently and that's partially why they act so differently when they have the same goals. Lunar sways are difficult to analyze because there's so much nuance to them, you could have a lot of Prospit traits but have one extremely different trait that could make you a Derse dreamer instead. like it's so weird??? but I once saw a post that summarized it like this: For Prospit dreamers, the end result is more important than the methods it takes to get there; for Derse dreamers, the journey is just as, if not more important, than the end result. Phil HAS to be a Derse dreamer, bc to him his journey is neverending. He's an immortal who has been alive long enough to know that not everyone will see his logic, and he will spend the rest of his life either convincing them to see his ways or he will get rid of those people entirely. To Vash, if he can just convince enough people, if he can just get to others before the destruction occurs, if he can TALK to enough people, maybe the violence will stop one day. It's an IMPOSSIBLE goal, but he keeps trying to look towards that one day where he'll be able to look out at a paradise without death and violence (much like Callie in a lot of ways BUT I'VE ALREADY GONE OVER THAT!!!).

Phil, as a combination Seer and Derse dreamer, knows that the journey is neverending, and he's either given up on pacifism or never tried it in the first place. He SEES that his ideals are not universal, and that knowledge gives him the ability to be apathetic towards other people and destroy what they love to "teach them a lesson." Vash, as a young spry century-and-a-half years old, and as a Muse and Prospit dreamer, still thinks that he can reach his goal of world peace, even though that hopes fades more and more from day to day, but like. his speech near the end of tristamp ep 12 to Knives?? About how he'll just keep going no matter what??? He's not giving up on his ideology because he doesn't SEE. He doesn't KNOWWW that his ideals cannot be universal. Ofc this changes later on in Trimax and he finally takes direct action by killing Legato and gives up on his staunch pacifism, but like. my guy. it took you a LONG ASS TIME to get to this point. my god.

Life players are described as "concerned with the betterment of themselves and those around them, as well as the onward march of positive progress... They also have the tendency to put other's needs before their own, which never ends well for anyone, because the Life-bound can grow bitter if they feel their own self-care has had to be shunted aside. At their best, they are great listeners, caretakers, and nurturers. At their worst, the Life-bound are passive aggressive, and pushy-they're certain they know best.” Both cPhil and Vash are the best and worst of their aspect. They both grow bitter, Vash in Trimax from having to take the high road all the time, and Phil from thinking that no one can see that he knows best. They do listen, and they do care for and nurture others, and they work towards the betterment of others, but sometimes it's people who don't want to be nurtured or bettered. Vash tries to help people who don't want help, and Phil babies cWilbur when he comes back and his "help" towards cTommy is um. not great!! They can both be passive aggressive, and they're both so incredibly sure that they know best. They're both so incredibly stuck in their ways.

Phil is the most stubborn Seer ever, because he only wants to see what will benefit his own life and ideals, not everyone. And Vash, the Muse, keeps on his one-track thought process and resigns himself to doing what he's always done (much like Callie) instead of taking direct action to TRULY change others' lives for the better. They both do finally change this in the very end of their arcs, with Phil reaching out to Niki and retreating to the End with her, Connor, and Kristin, giving up his old lifestyle to help a couple of people he's only known for a couple years and genuinely cared about for much less, basically a blink in his immortal lifespan, and Vash killing Legato to save Livio and Razlo and confronting Knives head on to save the planet.

but like. FUCK, you guys took so long to get just to this point. you are so stuck in your ways you have PROBLEMS

[aronarchy]

in your opinion, what should an anarchist and post-carceral society do about dyed-in-the-wool wrongdoers who *will* make the active choice to hurt people *deliberately* regardless of the societal conditions or measures taken to prevent harm?

(i'm not meaning to sealion here, i am just genuinely thinking about this question myself)

not really sure what you’re counting under “measures”—for example, taking a measure such as “killing them” would, obviously, ensure they stop hurting people. other things like (hypothetically) “isolating them w/no resources & no way out” would, also, drastically reduce to likelihood of them hurting people—no matter how much they want to & are willing to, if they don’t have the physical means, they can’t

though, I’m not in favor of things like imprisonment, bc to be able to lock up & hold someone like that already means you have some degree of disproportionate power and other things built and set up in place, and also it would be way overkill causing vastly more harm than needed which is bad

I struggle to imagine a world without any more prisons, bc I’ve never lived in one & our entire lives are saturated w/prison culture, tho there are some pre-carceral societies you could study; & personally tho I find it easier to think abt these things thru “what can I do right now,” bc it’s already a similar issue—trying to stop harm (a lot of harm happens in my life even rn), but w/o carceral apparatuses (also knowing that those can’t really help us with anything and are the harm, in similar ways)—and really anything we would do once we get to something that could be called a “post-prison” point is already what we’re doing now—or trying to do, tho the carceral state tries to prevent those things

& a key point abt that is that “harm” (esp in the form of abusive relationships) tends to not really follow a “community is in a position to stop it while it’s happening” in the first place, bc of how the entire society has a culture of silence built into it, & how tons of factors go into making these situations hard to escape or resist. & also how communities tend to suck at handling abusers even after they find out (lots of victim-blaming, not understanding how this stuff works, not understanding the risk etc). so w/, like, close interpersonal violence I’m very focused on improving the ability for victims to use self-defense, to escape, to cut contact w/abusers & decreasing the consequences for that, & helping us retake control of our narratives and decreasing tolerance for abuse & abuse apologia in general

there are also people, for example, I might come across near spaces I orbit rn & who are obviously not safe to be around (determined bigots, harassers, abuse supporters, etc) and a lot of the time I’m not in a position to do anything about that directly, but I try to spread knowledge abt right-to-not-interact-with-people-you-dont-want-to (for example), and awareness of how bigots & abusers/supporters use platforms and positions of power to enact harm, and making it easier for ppl to fuck off from them if they’re being toxic (think antifascist tactics, but including how they're applied on a smaller scale—focusing on preventing fascists from building power, denying fascism a platform from which to promote itself, interrupting the problem in its tracks before it can escalate to assaults or state takeovers)

every situation of harm/victimization is different, every manipulative/exploitative/abusive person is different, the treatment each gets from surrounding communities is different—but in general (if these things can even be said to be generalizable) whatever they are using to be able to cause the harm, whatever’s preventing ppl from doing effective self-protection, etc etc take care of that (& no one size fits all ofc but if it’s, like, a person who targets ppl in certain types of communities for attacks then a great first step would be removing them from their projects and disassociating from them and informing other at risk communities abt them)

[simmetrycal]

gill

wc: 6.4k

odessa places a firm hand on gills chest, stopping him from walking any further. if she hadn’t, gill would have blown right past and put his son in headlock.

they were at some grand ceremonial event for a product release, and hades being the hotheaded one out of odessa’s three personal bodyguards, had just gotten in someone’s face. it wasn’t not well deserved, but hades has a certain tendency to use inappropriate language in professional settings, which isn’t good for odessa’s image. his twin brother on the other hand was more reserved and respectful. gill wishes hades was a lot more like zeus so he didn’t have to chew him out for every mistake.

he could always just decide to let it go, but gill wasn’t the type of adoptive father to be passive. he was strict. the twins learned early on what tough love was. gill wasn’t cuddly or really family driven, nor was he ever willing to talk about feelings. this may have something to do with the shark that he is.

“i oughta pull you boys both out of this job.” gill seethed at his boys when odessa finally let him go talk to them behind the stage. it took him a second to calm himself enough to convince her to let him go.

it was dark back there, casted shadows fell over the men, especially over gill and his mean brow with a scar running through and all the way up into his hairline. he had many scars, but the most prominent ones were that one and the one ripping through the left corner of his upper lip.

gills short and jagged silver hair suited his vibe and matched his usual slate grey blue clothes.

“what? me?“ zeus brought his hands up in defense. “i haven’t done anything!”

“yeah. haven’t done anything about this knucklehead of a brother you got. you’re supposed to be keeping an eye on him.”

hades huffed an annoyed sigh like a child as if gill was overreacting. but gill continued.

“you want to talk about being responsible? it’s up to you to keep yourself and your brother in check.”

gill is harder on zeus than he is on anybody. and it’s because he expects the most out of the strong young bull orca who’s come of age. hades has too, the both of them at 25, but their levels of maturity are on vastly different scales, making gill lean more towards zeus to pull their weight.

“as for you,” gill huffed at hades, placing his large rough hand on the boy’s trapezius. “i don’t want any funny business from here on out. otherwise you’ll be staying with your great aunt franny for another week.”

hades shuddered at the mention of their great aunt. she was half mako shark, old as bones, and had the most crooked, fucked up teeth one could imagine. her thin frame and serpentine swimming patterns weirds everyone out, even gill. she’s tough as nails though and runs a tight ship. literally— she lives in a sunken, abandoned pirate ship at the edge of a ravine. not very much sunlight reaches that area.

hades gets sent to her every so often when gill has trouble dealing with his behavior and he comes back on the straight and narrow.. at least, for a few months.

there was a time when hades spent nearly three weeks with aunt franny. he was maybe 16. during his time there he was in optimal shape. never talked back, always cleaned up after himself, made the beds, did the dishes, took out the garbage. he even took out her eel on swims every morning, going all the way to the reef to say hi to neighbors. her eel was old and didn’t ever have energy to swim back so hades carried it, returning to the ship with it in his arms. franny would grill him on where he was and what he doing out for so long, not recognizing that he was trying to be on his best behavior. she never liked the twins, more so hades, and probably never will.

hades being gone for those three weeks had its ups and downs. at home, gill and zeus bonded better. they shared more time with one another and got along in silent respect. but it was too quiet, without hades there was no fun. no commotion or laughter or anything like that, just mutual silence existed in their household. zeus found himself falling into a lull, constantly being unimpressed and uninterested in everything. his daily routine was as solid as concrete and he did nothing out of the ordinary. but as soon as hades got back— the second his twin brother entered their home again with gill on his tail making sure he swam straight, zeus got his mojo back. from then on it was hard to separate them, as if it wasn’t already hard before.

the two are each halves of one whole, and to honor that, zeus shaved off all of his brothers hair, per hades’ request. hades sat on a chair wearing a trash bag with a hole cut out for his head, having all his silky long white hair sink down to the floor. all except one lock.

the long white strand that zeus ceremonially cut off got braided into his own hair, which was chest length and black. they were truly yin and yang.

“got that?” gill stated, letting go of his son. hades straightened out his shirt and blazer, fiddling with his gold chain after nodding in agreement. but once gill leaves, he’s quick to mutter profanities under his breath, loud enough for only zeus to hear.

“what’s his fuckin’ problem with me?”

zeus rolls his eyes and stands up from leaning against the alley wall, tossing one of his two braids over his shoulder. “he loves you.”

“thats his problem? love?” hades scoffs and trails after his brother, coming back into the crowd. the music is louder, lights are flashing, odessa’s getting reading to go on stage escorted by gill, and people are clamoring around to see her and ask questions.

“yes. love, care, family, all of the above. he does it because he wants you to be—“ zeus got cut off by his brother.

“better? more like you?”

“no, that isn’t what i’m saying.”

“but it’s what you’re thinking.”

“you don’t know what i’m thinking.”

“i bet i can guess what you’re thinking about right now.” hades jeers.

“and what is that?”

“wieners.”

zeus lets go of his stoicism and laughs, pushing his brother. “shut up,” it’s not hard enough to shove him to the ground but enough to jostle him. “i was not.”

“but you are now!” hades pushes him right back.

“yeah but it doesn’t count because you put the idea in my head!”

breaking them out of their goofy moment was a fan of odessa’s screaming loudly with a sign in hand, trying to get past the velvet ropes.

zeus steps in cordially, excusing the person away and asking folks to back up. he was good at this job. he was professional and chivalrous.

hades on the other hand was more of a brute when it come to asking people to move, putting his hands on shoulders and chests if they got too close.

which, unfortunately for everyone, happened all night long.

“did you see the way he looked me?” odessa says to gill while staring at the ceiling. she had a glass of red wine in one hand and the other rested on her chest, submerged in the water of the tub. her large tail hung out on the end of the tub, dripping onto the marble tiles of the hotel bathroom.

in gills opinion, the bathroom along with the rest of the hotel, was too stark white. too pristine and clean and perfect. he felt uncomfortable opening anything or touching anything, even when running the bath he made for odessa. he thinks everything is set up in a way that is so human. so capital.

it was all designed for them, not anomalies— but why would it be inclusive? they need not make bigger beds or bigger tubs or bigger doors. nor smaller rooms and smaller amenities. it’s not like an anomalies can ever stay here, or even come at all. its all human sized. luckily for them, they fit in (somewhat) perfectly but that wasn’t enough to make gill ever stop resenting humans secretly.

despite that, he had a job to do. they all had a job to do now. it was just the way the world worked, and if he denied the presidents offer to work under them as recruiters for an uprising, they’d be exposed to the public for what they truly were. gill: a glorified fish out of water with far too many scars. the twins: outcasts with parents in a tank, and odessa: a mind controlling monster with the body and face of a goddess. and not only them, all the other undetected shapeshifters who were god knows where, lingering around in the capital city. theres no telling what the angry freak-hating humans of the capital would do if they knew.

gill often wonders what life would be like if odessa never got captured that day. the president left the great walls in search of something that’d make a subtle, secret weapon. something with a voice so hypnotic and powerful that could entrance a whole city and mesmerize them, distract them from what really went on in the labs within the government buildings.

he had her in his net of the discrete fishery boat. it was a small operation, but a necessary one. she was handpicked from the other sirens also trying to attack the boat, their serpent eyes just above the water. the president had watched odessa, naked and struggling and tangled up in the net. the sky was gloomy and murky and the water was more so. she spoke and pleaded and sang all she could to force him to let her go, but the president took precautions and wore ear protection. he was immunized to her. he promised her fame and glory for her cooperation and if she were to say no, to not accept his offer, he’d “gut her like the fish she was”.

odessa’s fame came to her just as promised. she was a one hit wonder, an overnight sensation. only, the attention never subsided and her songs and public image only garnered more and more idolatry. thus, gill, an ex militant, came along as her arm. he was young, just out of his service. many shapeshifters who were naturally hybrids of strong breeds were forced into the human militia, sought after for their brute strength and mobility, and it happens all under unsuspecting civilians noses. for all they know, their city isn’t puppeteered by the president and there are no anomalies within the walls, working here under presidential rule.

“i did notice that.” gill responded from his stool by the door. no one is allowed in or out unless they’re apart of odessa’s team and gill would make sure of that. he would protect her no matter what, even if it meant sacrificing his own time to relax— which looked like him in a tub that couldn’t possibly hold even half of his shark tail. “relaxation” was that. again, not designed for anomalies.

she took another sip of her wine and smiled. “before we know it we’ll have the harrington’s heir apart of the president’s operation. hook, line, and sinker.” odessa smiled.

gill couldn’t help but to return it, feeling his cheeks turn up at her fishing-relevant joke. she always knows how to make light of a situation. in fact, it’s easier for her to do that than ever talk about what’s really bothering her.

he looked at odessa in the tub, watching her struggle with the weight of her glossy dark teal tail in a confinement too small for it. her hair was wet, just how he was always used to, and it’s length covered her exposed breasts. though, it wasn’t in gills nature to ever look.

“but what if he doesn’t join?” odessa cocked her head to him. “what if i can’t convince him? i mean we barely talked tonight.”

gill shook his head. “they’ll be more opportunities. more events. you’ll be able to.”

he was confident in what he was saying. there hasn’t ever been a man that odesaa wasn’t able to charm (aside from the president). part of it was her voice of course— sirens had the ability to hypnotize and manipulate. but also, part of it was her as an individual. she’s charming, bold. she’s a minx.

this dean character she’s meant to recruit will be no different than all the other men.

hopefully.

in one sudden move there was a loud bang on the other side of the wall. both of their heads turned toward it and then toward each other. gill slowly rose, his concern growing with each second. his hand reached for his gun holster, resting on it so he can easily pull it out right as he opened the bathroom door.

within a swift click, he latched open the door and pointed his gun.

“goddamn it-“ he tsked at his boys who were on the floor along with a hoard of pillows. by the looks of it they were playing their stupid “crash lander” game. it’s a game they made up when they were little and it can only be played in on-land hotels (it just doesn’t work in underwater hotels. gravity and whatnot). the point of crash lander was to make a landing pad out of pillows on the floor against the foot of the bed. each would take turns jumping on the bed, and the other was on the ground in a sniper position, closing one eye and pretending to shoot the other. the one on the bed would fall like a dead man onto the pillows. hades is better at doing the fall because he doesn’t have any sense of danger and won’t flinch or hesitate when he falls off. zeus always hesitates. the game has more to it than that and there’s a complex point system but no matter how many times they repeat the rules to gill, he just doesn’t get it. even after he spent 20 minutes teaching them how to actually get into a sniper position. it was his job in the military afterall, so he knew all about it.

they are strictly not allowed to play crash lander anymore on gills orders after last time. ever since zeus broke his collarbone hitting the wall, the game was “banned”. although, the twins disregard that and now zeus is only allowed to be the sniper, and hades, the deadman.

gill looked at his buzzed haired son, who was half upside down with his ass in the air looking straight back at gill sheepishly. he drew his lips in a thin line and lowered his gun back into its holster. “what did i tell you guys about crash lander?!”

“to not play it.” zeus said, not making eye contact. hades just rolled his eyes at his brothers immediate tail tuck and unfurled from his position on the pilows. he rubbed his head a little from where he bonked it on the wall, earning a concerned glare from gill. before he could get scolded, hades beat him to it.

“gill. we’re fine, my head’s fine, you can untwist your panties.”

there was a stunned silence. a sort of “you did not just say that” vibe hung in the air. zeus’s mouth hung agape, gills eyes were wide and angry, and there was even a chuckle from the other side of the wall coming from the tub. odessa had heard him from the far side of the bathroom. she giggled as if she knew what was just about to go down.

“that’s it. you’re done. go into that room and think about what you just said.” gill pointed to the second bedroom attached to the first. it had two twin size beds it it.

“what am i? five?” hades laughed, picking up the pillows and tossing them on the king bed he took half of them from. “gill. cmon.”

gill didn’t budge, his expression stern and unmoving. “it was a joke.” hades smiled, throwing his hands around. he’s not serious, is? hades wondered.

“fine.” hades huffed, still not convinced gill was actually upset with him. he straighted out his black tank top and grey sweatpants before heading into the room, zeus following quietly.

gill hesitated on stopping him, wanting to tell him that only his brother is supposed to go in and have a time out, but they can’t be away from one another, and he knows that.

the two shut the door behind them and gill fixes his holster before coming back into the bathroom to odessa.

“you really set him straight that time,” odessa joked sarcastically. she was looking like it was about time to get out of the bath, her wine class emptied.

gill huffed and helped her out of the water to sit on edge the tub. her tail flopped in front of him and he grabbed a fluffy white towel to wipe it down.

“i didn’t know what else to do, it’s always the same routine— discipline and pushback.” he muttered, looking down. he sounded gruff but quieter than before.

odessa hummed while watching him dry her and her tail transformed back into human legs. her gaze ran up to his eyebrow scar, digging into his hairline rather offensively. gill was self conscious about it and odessa was the only person that knew that. this information came from a drunken conversation where the both of them laid on their backs, aimlessly floating on a secluded lake and night. it was when the twins were toddlers, just couple short years after he earned said scar. gill told her about his entire life on the lake, calmly.

putting a shark on its back is a known way to get them to relax. it’s then, and only then, when gill is relaxed. but it’s a blessing and a curse— it puts him in a state that is so vulnerable, emotionally and physically. he can’t easily break it either, like being on a strong sedative. his words just poured out him from a place so sensitive and raw, all with his tone being so casual.

he told her all about how he got the scar from a run in with a minotaur in the wild west. how the reason he went all the way out there to the driest place he could think of was to die. the heat would surely kill him and he wouldn’t have to think about caspian or pearl. or their two godforsaken twin boys who were only just calf’s.

he was naive, didn’t know the lay of the land. in the heat of the sun, gill was burning up as he stumbled upon a settlement. breaking and entering wasn’t his style but this oasis was his only option to survive after he changed his mind on death. he jumped the short barbed wire fence and crossed the yard, passing by a large peach tree. he plucked one and brought it up to his mouth, feeling the fuzz and sweet aroma wafting to his nose. normally, gill doesn’t like anything but meat or seafood, and fruits and vegetables were never his thing. but this peach, fuck, it was blessing. gill finished his peach in a few bites, finding a duck pond on the property and stripping down his clothes, spitting the peach pit out onto the ground.

in his naked vulnerability, gill slid into the pond and dunked his head underwater, immediately forming his fins and ears and larger than life shark tail. his near-heatstroke thirst made the dirty pond water taste like liquid gold and he drank and bathed until he was satisfied.

just before he was about to decide get out, he watched a white, plump duck waddle by. it looked like it wanted to jump in too, unaffected by the shark man that was wading in it.

gills mind was all over the place, constantly switching from don’t do it and do it. blindsided by the ferocious grumble of his belly, gills blackened eyes narrowed in on the fat duck, and he breached out of the water to grab it.

it began squawking like crazy, crazier than he had ever heard any duck sound, and he hesitated on killing it.

it was odd. normally he never had any hesitation with a kill. it was what he was trained to do, but this innocent little duck was in his grip still breathing.

there was a sudden loud noise coming from the big house on the property. the front door swung open with a slam.

gill had no idea anybody was home; much less an absolute unit of a minotaur that was now dashing his way. he had a baby in the pocket of his overalls like a bjorn and he gently took it out, setting it on the grass as a safe distance. he gave one look to the baby boy and it crawled to hide in the taller bits of grass.

once the minotaur came close enough to gill, gill noticed he wasn’t any old minotaur. he had the face of a man, and great big bull horns, along with a bull ring and cattle legs and feet.

he asked, “how did a shark find its way into my duck pond?”

gill gulped, releasing the duck. it squawked again and flapped its wings in an angry manner while running away. the bull man in front of gill was above average size. perhaps it was the angle that gill was, but even then he could tell the minotaur was over 7, maybe 8 feet tall. “i was thirsty..” was all gill could mutter out.

“thirsty? for duck shit infested water?”

gill looked around, swimming a bit farther away. he couldn’t admit to himself that he was scared but his body could. it fled.

“listen.” the man huffed, his shiny, heavy septum ring moving when he did, “if you want some water, or.. i dunno,” he scratched his head under the brim of his cowboy hat. “a beer, you can come in. but put your clothes back on, i got kids.”

gill nodded, not sensing any danger from the bull. he quickly pulled himself out of the water and dragged his heavy tail onto the ground. it collected dirt and grass, sticking to his wet scales. it’s times like this he most wished for towels. in the hot sun he dried up quickly, forming back into 100% man, and threw his dirty clothes back on.

the minotaur led him back to the house, which was even larger than gill had initially thought. it looked hand built, every log placed was intentionally stacked and intact, crafting a beautiful and grand western house. gill asked the man for his name and if he built this home himself while the minotaur leaned down to pick up the baby he put in the grass.

“beau.” he said to gill, looking at his cooing, cute baby. “and yes, everything you see on these 15 acres has been built with my own two hands.” beau gestured to his settlement before leading him into the house. they passed two big old dogs who slept on the porch.

of course it was warm and inviting— the interior vast and wooden and beautiful. his countertops were butcherblock, his floors a gorgeous, shiny oak, and handmade furniture placed everywhere.

there was a child standing at the top of the stairs, one sat at the table coloring, and another in the kitchen sorting vegetables. beau rounded them up to introduce to gill in order from oldest and tallest to smallest. gill was sat down in a chair at the table and given a beer, listening to beau proudly introduce his beloved kids.

first was adelaide, the oldest and tallest. she was 15 and had a muscular stature. “addie” they call her. she was a friesian cow hybrid, black and white spots blotting all over. she took care of a lot of the settlement along with her father.

the next was a 14 year old son, a goat hybrid. he was the same height but skinnier, and he wasn’t from the wild west. he came from a foreign country and he spoke with an accent. filipe was his name.

thirdly was rudy, a chubby bison boy with curly hair covering his eyes and the smallest, stubbiest nubs peaking through the crown of his head. he was no older than 5.

they all wore worn out and well loved clothes and had dirt on their faces that beau would probably get on their cases about later.

lastly, there was the baby at just 18 months old. “baby cole” they call him.

“and what is he?”

beau smiled and placed him into a play pen. “minotaur, just like his pop.”

“oh! where’s.. um,” gill tapped the table and looked around, not aware that he was being invasive.

“my wife? she’s um.. she’s out right now.” beau said with a complete change of tone. it was deeper and somber. almost offended. he turned around to look at gill at the table.

“outside?”

“in town. errands. she’ll be home in the evening.”

gill let it go. throughout the day and into the late evening, he stayed with beau and learned the ways of their family as a guest.

he watched them collect eggs from the chickens, water the vast garden, and harvest the fruit from the peach tree when the sun kissed the horizon goodnight, painting the sky shades of oranges and pinks. gill made sure to point out to beau that the peaches were delicious later around the fire.

it was then when the topic of the minotaur’s wife returned. it was her peach tree. she planted 16 long summers ago when the house was finished being built.

“the tree is dying.” beau said, his face illuminated against the glow of the fire. they were outside and cactus owls cooed in the distance.

“dying?”

“i knew it’d happen soon after brooke passed on. peach trees don’t live that long anyway.”

gill realized this man’s wife wasn’t in town and she wasn’t coming home.

beau held back showing any emotion in his voice, wanting to not get choked up in front of a stranger. gill could tell it was particularly tough on him, so he shared his own story.

pearl was the most beautiful woman gill had known. on the outside and the inside. interspecies love wasn’t illegal but it was looked down upon for its risk of potential child mutations. the bad kind of mutations were it affects the child’s brain. gill couldn’t do that to her, or her offspring, so he went to his best friend.

he told his friend to marry her, the two of them both being the same species and ability to form a pod. orcas. they had two children, twins, before pearl and her husband got taken by humans to be transported to their sea themed amusement park.

he never saw pearl again, apart from when he’d look into the eyes of the twins he was forced to look after.

beau thought gills pain was real. raw. new? where were his twin boys? he wondered, so he simply asked. gill was ashamed to answer that he left them with his only family, his older cousin francine. “aunt franny.”

“and you can’t live out of water. can you?” it wasn’t a question because he knew the answer, beau side eyed his duck pond. earlier the ducks swam happily in it now that the shark man wasn’t occupying it.

“not for long, no.”

“then go back. be a man.”

“excuse me?”

“they need you, gillian.” beau smiled, looking at him for a moment before turning his attention back to the fire. it was weakening, signaling that it was time for beau to come back inside and check on his kids. addie would have everything covered at this time but he still did his rounds.

“i can’t just go back.”

“you can. and you will. repurpose your energy.” he furrowed his brows. “your love. you may think losing her means you lost everything but i can tell you that isn’t true. she’s here,” beau tapped his finger on gills chest, right on his heart. “and her boys need you.”

gill stirred in his seat on the fireplace chairs, watching beau’s earnest expression. the man was too fucking large for gills comfort.

“go.”

too much silence went by. when beau noticed gill couldn’t make up his mind, he gave up. as he began to stand, gill did too in that moment, realizing that maybe he should go home and repurpose his energy into care for what was left of what he loved. what gill didn’t account for though was coming into direct contact with beaus sharp horn, cutting through his eyebrow with a sudden pierce as they bumped into one another.

gill hadn’t noticed he was that badly hurt until beaus face was cold and bled seeped into his eye. it was an accident, a mistake.

but beau would never forgive himself— not after they cleaned and bandaged him, not after gill assured him it was okay and doused him in praise and thanks for all the hospitality and insight beau offered— nothing would make up for the way he felt so bad about leaving that scar on gills head.

it’d be there forever as a reminder for how gill ran away.

gill held odessa’s calf and explained that he just doesn’t know what to do anymore with hades. zeus, it’s another story— he’s an angel. the golden child.

“why don’t you have a heart to heart?”

“he won’t listen to me,” gill turns around and hands his boss her clothes.

“have you tried?”

“well…” gill found many interesting corners of the room to occupy himself so he wouldn’t accidentally look up and see her changing in the mirror. “no, but i just know him. he won’t want to listen.”

a few moments went by while she slid on her silky nightgown. odessa never wore pants. she didn’t own a single pair and probably never will purchase any. why would a siren?

“why’s that?” she says, all dressed and looking for her bag. she walks out of the bathroom in search of her hairbrush, and gill follows.

“because that’s just how he is! i swear, that kid is trying to piss me off. everyday.”

“im sure that’s not true.”

“it is.” gill hands her the hairbrush in her bag that he got to first. it’s on her bed across from his— the one that just got mutilated from crash lander. “it’s always some new thing that he does that gets me agitated. like this,” he gestures to the mess they made while playing their game.

“i think you’re just worried. because remember what happened with zeus and that game?” she also gestured to it.

“that is exactly why i don’t want them playing it!”

odessa dropped her hands and tossed her brush into her bag again, climbing into the tucked white sheets. gill stood above her and tucked her in, telling her goodnight.

“gill.”

he shut his eyes. no.

he could feel it coming. the trance he was about to be put in. odessa uses her magic on him when he’s particularly antsy, and tonight is one of those nights. he gave her his word that it was okay to do it to him as long as it served their higher good, but the contract was so tight and binding that even if he wants to go back on his word— to not let her entrance him— he couldn’t.

“talk to them. talk to him.”

gill was lulled. he moved softly, controlling his own mind and body but feeling more at ease, more compliant. odessa could make anybody feel like this, but it worked particularly good on younger human men. gill was only one of those categories. a man.

he knocked on the boys’ door and heard zeus say come in. the twins sound identical but gill knows the difference. he could identify them no matter the circumstance; entranced or not.

he gently pushed the door open and saw zeus on his bed, his black hair down and unbraided. he changed into his plaid pj’s instead of what he had on earlier, a done up suit and tie. zeus often doesn’t like to change out of clothes like how hades does. the man goes nuts for getting into comfortable clothing as soon as he gets home.

“hey,” zeus said, looking up from his book. his little book-light illuminated his nose scar in a way that saddened gill to look at.

“hi buddy,” he whispered in response, noticing the bed to the left was occupied by a sleeping hades. or so he thought.

zeus nodded in hades direction with a certain glance that told gill everything he needed to know. with easy steps, he walked over to hades and sat on the edge of the bed, dipping them down.

hades wasn’t sleeping, just staring at the wall tiredly. he didn’t flinch when gills hand touched his arm.

“kiddo.”

“hm?”

“what’s up?”

hades rolled over even further so his face got muffled into the pillows. “nothing” he mumbled.

gill pulled his shoulder back, turning him. “talk to me.”

it was hurtful reaction, what hades did. he yanked himself away and sat up against the headboard, feeling frustrated and confused.

his feelings were not easy to talk about and he doesn’t have outlets or sources to figure them out. well, he has zeus but hades wasn’t mature enough to explain how he only wants gill to be proud of him.

“i can’t.” hades choked out, still not making eye contact.

“why not?”

the sound of zeus shutting his book was so quiet and subtle but gill caught it, knowing his other son was behind them on his own bed listening to what was about to happen.

“because you never listen.”

“i do listen.”

“no,” hades huffed, his chest showing that his heart rate rose by a few extra beats. “you don’t.”

“i am right now. tell me what’s wrong and we’ll fix it, kiddo.”

“we can’t fix it. you never listen to me because you don’t take me seriously.”

“i do take you seriously hades. why do you think i bring you along on missions?”

“because you can’t leave me alone?”

..it was true. hades was right— cannot and will not separate the twins.

gill sighed. it was long and full of exhaustion. as if exhaling was the solution, it opened up the floodgates of emotion. the reason was unknown and he didn’t have the means to have tears well up in his eyes until hades said something that broke him.

“why don’t you love me, dad?”

it was spoken through tears of his own. hades was wiping his face with such embarrassment and frustration that he couldn’t face anything, he turned to the wall once more.

gill was shocked, his heart beat out of his chest and escaped through his hung agape mouth. his eyebrows were so close to his eyes that his lashes brushed against them.

“how could you say that?” he whispered. “i love you more than anything.”

“then why do you treat zeus better than me? you give all your attention to him.” hades didn’t care that his brother was right there and listening. laying flat on his back and lost in heavy thought.

“hades. look at me.”

hades didn’t want to but he instinctively turned his head to listen and look at him. what he saw broke his own heart too. the two of them were just on such a different page but in this moment they were alike.

alike in the way that both of them know they’re misunderstanding one another, and that life doesn’t have to be this way.

“you remind me so much of myself when i was your age.”

for once, hades had nothing to say.

“but you also, you both,” he turned to zeus too. “remind me so much of your parents. you look just like them. you’ve got..” gill took hades’ head in his hands and smushed his cheeks, earning a giggle from him. “your mothers eyes.”

gill didn’t want to admit that giggle was like a pink bandaid on his heart, hearing his boy laugh like he was little again.

“and you, zeus, your dads nice old nose.”

zeus touched his scarred up nose, happy to know that gill sees it as beautiful when all others see is something scary.

gill dropped his hands. sighing this time but it was the inhale that gave him peace. satisfaction.

he and hades might not be on the exact same page, but they were getting close, perhaps the same chapter.

“i do love you, hades.”

[princeanxious]

New au idea just dropped: abducted by aliens + found family; familial anadukeceit addition with a twist:

tw: minor abducted by aliens, mentions of illegal scientific experimentation on a minor, general au theme following the rescues of ppl getting abducted, those are the big ones, lmk if i missed anything!

Virgil and Remus are normal adult humans that are part of a galactic crew that specializes in rescuing aliens that were abducted for black market trade and experimentation purposes and rehabilitating them

Janus is a young teenage human who'd been abducted and experiemented on for two years before his rescue, leaving him half-covered in abnormally healthy scales, sharp fangs and coldblooded-like qualities, and without a way to talk like he used to.(he can growl and hiss and whine ect., but they mostly ruined his ability to mimick sounds without it being painful and thus he cannot actually try to speak without pain.) He's not seen another live human in years, and is way too young to know how to cope with it, so he doesn't trust anything anymore and often comes off as extremely violent because he doesn't know whats a threat and what isnt, and isnt honestly sure hes not experiencing a vivid nightmare half the time.

Cue this team getting a report from a different rescue group about requesting help for a specific rescue from their mostly human rescue team, this time its about a small earth-like dealthworlder that had been discovered and rescued as one of the few surviving aliens from an illegal testing facility.

Report lists it as extremely volitile and hostile, but only when provoked(see: any attempt to interact with it). If left alone, it simply cowers in a corner and cries. There have been efforts to get it to eat that have only been semi successful due to the poor thing seemingly not being able to digest certain foods, and they worry it will simply die of starvation, or loneliness, if they cant get it's condition stable.

The reason theyre requesting Virgil's team is because the original rescue has never seen this kind of alien before, but it looks mostly human and thats the assumption. Humans are known to have high-packbonding instincts, and that persistence for kinship is pretty much this rescue's last hope.

To the humans, its a bit of a far leap seeing as they arent provided with any clear pictures of the thing, but its their job and theyre getting paid to do it, might as well try.

They.. They arent prepared to arrive to the sight of a child. Well, sort of child. A teenager? Whose regardless way too thin and quite too small to look anything but vastly unhealthy.

From his one side of his ribs curled up all the way around one side of his face and down that arm are rich yellow scales, that perhaps look like the healthiest part of him.

He wears a blindfold from his previous containment, and word has it the first alien to try and take it off was met with the worst lash-out yet and was still in recovery. They had kept it on him because he wont let anyone near take it off. It keeps him calm to be sightless, and its unfortunately all they can do to keep him that way.

And well, while Remus has always been the best at taming some of the wilyest deathworld creatures, its actually Virgil who has skill in taming those few labeled 'deadly.'

He sees this 'dangerous' behavior for what it really is.

Fear.

This is a child who is scared, terrified, and lashing out at anything that doesn't feel safe.

So you can imagine the brief uptic in nervous alien chatter from the main observation room when Virgil decides to walk straight into the containment room with no gear, no food, nothing but himself and his jacket.

Its a little jarring to hear a teenager hiss angrily at you, but Virgil used to Be That Teenager, so he doesn't really react. And he can see it when he speaks, using a soft and comforting voice, the way this kid freezes at being spoken to. In a langauge he understands.

"Hey buddy."

There's an immediate growl of uncertainty, pressing himself further away. Disbelief. It cant be, right? It's been 2 years since hes been in a room with another living human, there's no way.

..Right?

"Cmon now, none of that. It's just me here right now. My names Virgil."

He doesn't really want to believe it, that hes hearing another human. But he cant help the instinctual need to turn and hide the scales, the thing that makes him a freak of nature, no human would want him after what had been done to him.

Its a slow back and forth, really. Virgil asking a mundane question and getting some cautious hiss or growl or click in reply. But slowly, ever so slowly, the boy is relaxing.

"Can I reach my hand out? I wont touch you, okay? I want you to reach out too, if you're okay with that. We can move at your pace, okay?"

And maybe he gets a slightly petulant whine, but theres no aggression. Just. stress.

He holds his hand out, palm down, and waits. And is rewarded with an extrsmely shaky hand reaching out and grasping his own with a little fumbling. And then theres a pause, where the boy is taking thw time to register the hand.

Human.

And then the boy is all but flinging himself forward, blindly reaching out with a sob. Maybe some aliens in the observation room tense, but the humans in the room remain completely calm.

And now Virgil has a lap full of entirely too distraught child and no say in the matter, but thats fine. Hes content to just hold the poor thing and let the kid cry it out, god knows he needed this.

They learn this kids name, Janus, through some shake tracing of fingers on skin, then pen to paper. He's barely 16, and was abducted at age 14.

They learn one eye had been tampered with as well to match the scales, but all that was successful was a color change to yellow. It fortunately affects Janus's sight very little, except when hes tired and finds himself with migraines from his eyes being tired.

Janus is a special case, because he cant go back home, not with the things hes seen and experienced, as the galactic rescue is still a bit of a secret to earth. But hes a minor, so he cant very well join the rescue yet, even if he wanted to.

So, Virgil and Remus adopt him. Janus is more than happy about it, despite his struggles to show it.

They have a number of humans and humanoids on their team, one of which is a therapist named Emile(human), and another who is their navigator and unofficial translator named Remy(half-human).

Janus p much gets unofficially adopted by them as well, standing in as the cool uncles most likely, but through them he learns to deal with his trauma, and gets to learn how to communicate via galactic hand-sign language.

Sometimes a family can be a Team Rescue Group Leader, his Danger Tamer Chaotic Boyfriend, and their Half Danger-Noodle Half-Sassy Human Son, and two fun uncles who collectively know how to heal trauma and 47 different ways to say 'fuck you' in alien.

[bpd-shuichi-togo]

What specifically are your grievances regarding female designs in Housamo?

oh i did mean to elaborate on that didn't i. well i guess i should say 1) that i'm including the mobs in this 2) ig the female designs are more broadly annoying rather than infuriating but just thinking about the sentences i am about to type i can already feel myself becoming infuriated. tl;dr: my issue is that where there is a LOT of variance in the designs for the guys, that's not as much the case for the girls (in a way i feel like isn't just a matter of there being vastly more guys than girls). like the girls aren't Allowed to diverge in appearance from Conventionally Attractive Human Woman nearly as much as the guys are from Conventionally Attractive Human Men, which can get. completely ridiculous. there are some designs i do like ofc, but basically no more Sexy Dimorphism or i'm gonna snap, NO MORE BOOBS ON NON-MAMMALS, and for the love of god let women have designs that aren't perfectly Feminine PLEASE, especially if it's at the expense of being interesting or making sense

the rest of this post goes under the cut so i can risk going raving mad in good conscience

yeah imo one of the clearest, if not the most egregious, examples are the merpeople

like this bugs the hell out of me, and the sprites being done by different artists doesn't excuse it when they easily could have coordinated designs. come on. like there's a lot i could nitpick here but. come the fuck on they didn't even give her fins. not even just a dorsal fin, which barely would have been visible. like theres sexual dimorphism and then theres The Girls not having physical characteristics that The Boys have when they would be evolutionarily advantageous/vitally necessary to merfolk regardless of gender. they gave her fin ears. fuck you

now here's where i'm going to nitpick. and if you can believe it i'm going to be restraining myself here, because if i don't i will reopen pandora's box and oh my god i can't do that to myself right now, so i won't even touch on my issues with how she's written. but this is so lame in so many dimensions. i ask for a dragon lady who swings around huge fucking weapons like its nothing and you give me THIS. first and foremost, this isn't even a dragon lady, this is a human woman with horns and a tail and pointy ears. this is a human lady in cosplay. where are the claws, the fangs, the scales? they didn't even give her SCALES. bombom designed a better reptilian girl than this. her wings aren't even attached. and for the love of GOD, if she is a DRAGON, refrain from giving her Honkin' Tittums. is a dragon a mammal? is that what you're telling me? fuck off. and while i have you here why is her build so dainty? actually i know why and i don't gaf, melusine should be jacked. look the size of the gun she is ONE HANDING. you know what, get this fucking disgrace out of my sight and come back with a proper dragon woman, with claws and scales and fangs and wings that are attached to her goddamn back-- and a physique that can accommodate them (i remember someone at one point having a line about how his chest is muscled specifically to allow for his wings) + all the gun-slinging and fighting with snow and mountaineering and whatnot she gets up to. and i'm going to be nice/preempt any comments about why her barely-draconic design is good actually: if, for WHATEVER fucking reason, you want to allow for her looking basically like a human woman in cosplay, it can be like a glamour or something. but when she summons her wings, the glamour should fail, and i want to see a DRAGON WOMAN. in fact, if you give her a human glamour, you have to give her true form draconic digitigrade legs to balance it out. or i'll kill you.

oh my god. ziz's design makes me so fucking mad this is the only one of her sprites i can look at without taking chip damage to my psyche. like with melusine, i'm not going to touch on any issues i might have with how she's written, but this is a TRAVESTY all on it's own. her design is SO FUCKING GOOD. she's massive, to the point of being imposing without meaning to, she's covered in feathers, she has claws and TALONS, and i really loved the thing with her legs looking HUGE and giving her an exaggeratedly feminine appearance but that just being from the sheer fluffiness of her feathers, w her legs looking WAY different with her feathers smoothed down, esp since that felt like it was poking fun at the whole 'generically sexy ~Recognizably Female~ monster girl' thing. and her tail is really cute. if it weren't for a massive, glaring, design-ruining flaw, my only real complaint would be that i wish she had a broader upper body/a sturdier frame, again so her physique is better suited to accommodate her HUGE wings + the whole Protector thing, and also because the whole 'cinched waist, hourglass figure' thing she's got going on is just. uncomfortable to look at. and there we encounter that massive, glaring, design-ruining flaw-- Obligatory Boobs, bane of my fucking existence. it would have been one thing if the plumage at her breast was especially dense or something and gave her the appearance of having boobs, i probably would only have complained a little about that. but they took what otherwise would have been a FANTASTIC design, and (sorry) chickened out at the last second and slapped tits on a fucking bird woman. and they did not just slap tits on a bird woman, they gave her a bare, human torso, just so they could slap huge dobonhonkeros on a FUCKING bird woman, and honest to fucking god it looks grotesque. it looks disgusting. i'm so mad. WHO is that meant to appeal to. they ruined a perfectly good harpy. i fucking hate it here

to nobody's surprise, babalon is the example that infuriates me the most. and i'm not going to talk about how much i hate her default sprite (again), or how i think she should be able to fuse with therion to become a huge fucked up demon werewolf lady (for a third time). in fact, i honestly really like most aspects of this skin: the swimsuit is lovely and suits her very well, her shoes are really cute & the hat is a nice touch (though i'd have preferred a proper sunhat), and the adult woman isn't dressed like a child for no reason. all very neat, though i do wonder where she put all that hair, not to mention therion. and with that all out of the way, i really just despise this skin, specifically because of what it very glaringly lacks: scars. babalon was tortured, then hunted relentlessly by angels, then necessarily maimed when those angels killed her unborn child. but despite all these being literally character-defining traumas, they're not reflected in her design at all because the women's designs aren't allowed a diverge too far from Conventionally Attractive Human Woman So Generic Your Eyes Start To Glaze Over, and that would be too unsightly. that this is with babalon in particular really pushes it from infuriating to exhausting. i can't even rave at this, i'm just tired. and i'm not accepting babalon's vanity as an excuse for this, because her inability to let go of her trauma, and especially any reminder of her first lost child, is a crucial part of her character. they didn't even let her have a scar on her abdomen from when she lost her unborn child. but you know what they did give her?

nice, symmetrical, visually appealing scars from losing her wings. that you only ever see in the artbook. come on, man 😐

[thebigbadbatswife]

The Witching Hour - Chapter 1 - All Hallows’ Eve

Summary - When her friends dragged her to Gotham’s old cemetery for some Halloween ghost hunting fun, Y/N really didn’t think her life would end up changing like this.

Chapter Warnings - referenced/implied character death

Word Count - 3.3k

The cell phone on your nightstand buzzed incessantly as your friends continued to spam your messages. They had been doing so for the past hour or so. You were surprised that the damn thing hadn’t vibrated off of the nightstand yet. When it finally stopped, when you finally thought they had given up, you returned your attention to the document you had open on your laptop. Just as you were about to start typing again, your phone resumed its buzzing.

Huffing, you shut your laptop’s lid, placed it on the bed next to you, reached over and grabbed your phone off the nightstand. Over eighty messages both from your friends individually and within the group chat, begging you to come along with them to the old cemetery that sat outside of town. They wanted to go because it was Halloween and that meant it was the best time to go ghost hunting! And they wanted you to go along because of how you were usually drawn to this type of stuff. As well as how this type of stuff was also usually drawn to you.

Come on! For old time’s sake? Plus we’re going to have a much better chance at actually catching something if you come along!

The message was from your friend John, the ringleader of your group. The reason you and your friends had always gotten into trouble at school. Now he was trying to work his magic once again.

Only because I’m a meta with an uncomfortably close relationship with death…

As far as you knew, your powers were genetic instead of being caused by that arc reactor explosion that had given a lot of metas their powers. You were able to look past the “Veil”, as it was called, and see and interact with spirits on the other side. Not that you did so often or even liked to do. It creeped you out and you sometimes saw things that would certainly traumatize most people if they saw them. Not to mention the strain on your body and mind each time you did it. 

Why the obsession with the old cemetery now?

It had been years since John had mentioned ghost hunting, let alone the old cemetery. Back during your last year of high school, it had been all John could talk about. He was convinced that it was where the “cool” ghosts would be hanging out. None of you had ever actually gone because your last year had passed surprisingly quickly and before you all knew it, you were all moving to different parts of the country for college. In all that time it had never been mentioned again. Until now.

Ha! She finally replies! I knew you wouldn’t leave us to scream into the void forever!

The next message was from Tom, your oldest friend. Unlike the others, you two had known each other since kindergarten. If anyone was capable of talking you into going, it was probably him.

It’s been years since all of us were in the same place at the same time! Not to mention it’s Halloween and a full moon! I don’t think it could be more perfect!

Well, he wasn’t wrong about that.

You know you want to come! And don’t you dare lie!

He wasn’t wrong about that either. You were a little curious. The cemetery was on the outskirts of Gotham City. According to the internet, the cemetery had members of Gotham’s oldest families buried there. If you were to use your powers there to look past the Veil, there was a chance some of those people could still be hanging around. It would certainly be an unique opportunity to converse with them and, perhaps, attempt to help move on. Or maybe you would find inspiration for your next short ghost story. You certainly had been struggling with inspiration recently so maybe this was exactly what you needed.

Okay! Fine! I’ll come!

You scoffed as you hit ‘send’. Once again, Tom had talked you into joining them. A small part of you was convinced he was a meta with some sort of manipulation power.  

That’s great! ‘Cause we’re already outside your house!

John replied, causing you to roll your eyes. Of course they were already outside. Why wouldn’t they be?

You locked your phone, got up from your bed and slipped your phone into your pocket. You grabbed your jacket from your wardrobe and made your way out of your bedroom and down the stairs. You grabbed your keys from the bowl on the table, near the front door.

“Y/N? Where are you going at this hour sweetheart?” your grandma called from the living room.

“I’m going to meet up with some old friends. I’ll be back soon!” you replied. You didn’t tell her where you guys were going since you knew she would most definitely disapprove.

“Stay safe!”

“Will do!”

After your parents’ death, your grandma had not only raised you, but helped you learn how to use your abilities so that, should you choose to, you’d be able to use them. Not that she would approve of you constantly using them. Looking through the Veil could sometimes draw the attention of extremely unwanted creatures that were looking for a route to the physical world. You knew how to defend yourself from them, but that didn’t mean you really wanted to get into that situation to begin with. If you were going to use your abilities tonight, you were going to have to be extremely careful.

The entire drive there, your friends excitedly talked about what they could potentially capture on either video or audio. John was driving, Tom sat in the passenger seat next to him and you were sitting in the back with Rebecca.

A couple of hours later and the car finally pulled up in front of the cemetery. John turned off the engine and you all got out. Since it was pretty much pitch black out here, you all got out your phones and turned on your flashlights.

Tall stone walls covered in moss and vines surrounded the cemetery and an old rusted iron gate stopped the car from going any further. Threaded through the bars of the gate was large rusted chain with an equally rusted padlock. Even if you guys had the key, you seriously doubted it would have worked anyway.

“Are you kidding me?” asked Tom, as he useless pulled against the chain. “This is so unfair!”

“Uh, maybe we could try to scale the walls or something?” Rebecca suggested as she walked over to where the vines seemed at their thickest. She gave them a gentle tug. “Looks like it might hold our weight, if we go up one by one.”

Tom shook his head. “And get covered in spiders? Yeah, no thanks!”

Rebecca frowned as she used her phone’s light to have a closer look at the vines. “I can’t see any spiders.”

“That’s because you’re not looking in the right spots,” he replied as he walked over to her. He shone his own light up at the vines.

While you walked over to them, to get a better look at what Tom was trying to show her, John shook his head and walked back toward the car.

“See all of those tiny turquoise dots shinning back at us?” he asked her as he pointed above where there were a lot of tiny turquoise dots sparkling in the light.

“Yeah, they’re like little drops of moisture right?”

“You would think, but they’re not! Those are the eyes of all those horrid little spiders!”

Rebecca squealed and immediately backed away from the wall. “Tom! Why the fuck would you tell me that! Fuck! There’s probably going to be so many of them inside the actual cemetery! And now I know how to spot them!”

“I don’t think that’s going to be much of an issue considering we can’t get in anyway,” you said as you gestured toward the very locked gate. This whole thing was starting to feel like a massive waste of time.

“Oh! But we can!” John announced as he strode on over to you three with a large pair of bolt cutters in hand. He also had a backpack slung over his shoulder. As he cut the chain, John explained how he had swung by here earlier to see if there was anything that would stop you lot from getting in. When he saw the chain, he had gone to the hardware store, that was located in the worst part of the city, and bought these. “Only place I could find that had bolt cutters big enough for a chain like this!”

“Aren’t we like breaking the law or something right now?” Rebecca asked just as the cutters snipped through the chain and it clanged against the gate.

“Probably,” John replied very nonchalantly. “But we’re pretty much committed at this point now. Besides, look at this place! No one’s been here in years! I seriously doubt we’re going to get caught.”

The iron gate creaked loudly as it was pushed open and you all headed inside. The others walked ahead while you trailed behind. The way they were talking, discussing who was buried here and therefor who they could potentially “contact”, made you feel like you had time-travelled back to high school.

When you all got to the centre of the cemetery, John took the backpack off and opened it. It was filled with all sorts of equipment that was used in modern day ghost hunting. Voice recorders, emf meters, even a couple of high end night vision cameras. Damn, he had really gone all out for this. After the gear had been handed out, John began to give everyone directions as to where they were off to investigate.

Tom and Rebecca were going to be investigating the southwest of the cemetery, which was the newest part, John was headed up to the north, where some mausoleums were shaded by an old willow tree and you:

“And Y/N, you get the oldest part of the cemetery which is toward the east!”

“Right, of course, send the meta to the creepiest part of this place,” you said, playfully rolling your eyes.

“Well, you said it, not me! Good luck and we’ll meet back here in a couple of hours,” John replied. With that, you all split up and went your separate ways.

The cemetery was vastly overgrown. Most of the headstones were buried beneath the long unruly grass, brambles and vines. Every now and then your flashlight would catch a glimpse of the grey stone underneath. You also caught more glimpses of those glowing spider eyes and were doing your best to ignore them. You really hated Tom sometimes.

Thanks to all of the plants, you could barely see the path. The only thing that indicated you were walking on one was every now and then you could feel a stone slab shift underneath your feet.

The further east you walked, the darker and darker the cemetery seemed to get. It also seemed to get creepier and creepier, which was strange to you because you never really found cemeteries creepy. Instead you had always found them peaceful. A lot of people found you weird for that. There was also the feeling that something was watching you. The uneasiness that came along with that feeling was enough to prevent you from using either your recorder or your abilities. If there really was something watching you, you got the feeling that the last thing you wanted to do was attract its attention. After all, who knew what truly lurked here? Especially on the other side.

You eventually reached a group of mausoleums. Much like the rest of the cemetery, they were covered in bramble, vines and other plantlife. They were tall and the parts of them you could see, you could tell were certainly made of far more expensive stone than the rest of the place. This wasn’t just the oldest part, this was also the richest part.

You approached a few of the mausoleums and managed to clear away some of the plants covering the name plates. The majority of the names had been erased due to the elements, but not all of them. The names that were still readable were also names you recognised. Kane, Elliot, Crowne. Three of the First Families of Gotham.

You were about to approach another when you saw something large and black move, out of the corner of your eye. You spun around and shone your flashlight in the direction of the shadow, but there was nothing there.

“Hello?” you called out, which was probably a terrible idea, but it was the only thing you could think of doing. “Who’s there?” You waited for a reply, but no reply came.

Was your nerves making you see things? It couldn’t be a spirit; you weren’t using your powers. Unless… Throughout your life you had heard of non metas who had “seen” things in their peripheral vision. Sometimes they were spirits that had briefly broken through the Veil, other times it really was just people imagining things. Until now you had never experienced it before and you hated how impossible it was to tell which one it was.  

Turning on your phone’s screen, you looked at the time. You still had an hour before you had to head back to meet back up with the others. Turning the screen off again, you looked back in the direction you had seen the shadow move toward. Did you follow? It sounded like an awful idea, but the only other thing you could do was head back early and then wait around for everyone else, and that sounded incredibly boring.

‘ Okay, guess I’m doing this then,’ you thought as you began to head down the path, in the direction the shadow had gone.

You had previously thought that there was no way this cemetery could be anymore overgrown than it already was. This new part you were now walking through proved you wrong. Extremely wrong.

Branches hanging low off of trees and thorns from the brambles tugged at your clothing as you passed them. You had to keep an extra careful eye out on where you were stepping so that you didn’t trip over and injure yourself. There were more mausoleums, but you could barely make their shapes out through all of the greenery.

As you walked, that feeling that something was watching you increased tenfold and you found yourself constantly glancing back. Each time you looked you were met with the same result. There was nothing there.

‘ It’s just my overactive imagination ,’ you told yourself, but that did nothing to soothe your growing fear. What if the thing you had seen had been an actual person? And not a good person at that. This was Gotham after all and for some reason Halloween was when most, if not all, the psychopaths suddenly came out to play. Were you about to become another notch in some serial killer’s knife hilt? Oh, you really hoped not. That was not how you wanted to go.

Before your mind could lead you down a dark path of all the vivid ways you could be brutally murdered right now, the path came to an end. At the end of it sat a lone mausoleum. This one didn’t look nearly as old as the others nor was it as covered in plants like the rest. As you walked over to it you saw one of the large iron doors had fallen off its hinges and now laid on the ground.

Cautiously, you approached the entrance. When you were close enough, you shone your light on the name plate. The name ‘Wayne’ was engraved on to it. You got a feeling that that was somehow important, but you really didn’t know why. Nor why you were so drawn to it. Almost as if you were now on autopilot, you stepped inside the mausoleum.

The first two names you saw were Martha and Thomas Wayne. Even years after their deaths, you knew the names well. Before their untimely deaths they had been trying to use their fortune to help the city and its more vulnerable citizens.

The next name you saw, you didn’t recognise. Jason Peter Todd. You were shocked when you saw his death date. “Fuck, you were barely sixteen years old,” you whispered. That was... that was not fair at all.

The last name was Bruce Wayne. It stood out to you a lot more than the others had. Almost as if it was…. Glowing? What? That made no sense. Okay, you were definitely just seeing things now. To prove that to yourself, you turned your flashlight off. The name continued to glow, in fact now it was a hell of a lot brighter.

“What the fuck?”

You peered closer to see if there was any small lights or something similar causing it to glow, but there wasn’t anything. The name was actually glowing! Freaked out, you took a picture of it (without the flash of course), and sent it to Tom. A few agonising minutes passed before he finally replied.

Why are you sending me a completely black photo?

What? You checked the picture you had sent and, yeah, the name was definitely visible.

Can’t you see the glowing name?

If Tom couldn’t see it, then what did that mean?

What are you on about? There’s nothing there. Are you okay?

Was this somehow related to your powers? Is that why Tom wasn’t able to see it? If that was the case, and with each passing second it seemed to be, then he or the others couldn’t help.

Yeah, I’m fine. Nevermind.

Sighing, you checked the time before you shut off you phone and slipped it into your pocket. Thirty minutes before you had to head back. You were on your own. If this was related to your powers then what exactly did you do with it? Your grandma had never mentioned anything like this before, so you had no clue. You still felt uneasy and this new discovery had done nothing to help so you really didn’t want to peer through the Veil, unless it was absolutely necessary.

Would anything happen if you reached out and touched it? You sometimes got flashes of memories or feelings when you touched some items. Maybe this could be the same? You supposed the only way to find out would be to touch the stone. Cautiously you reached out and pressed the palm of your hand against the cold stone.

Images flashed through your mind. Movie tickets, a pearl necklace, a gun. There was the sound of the gun firing, a child’s blood chilling scream and the loud wailing of police sirens. Then it was over and you were brought back to reality, with far more questions than you had previously started with.

Before you were able to question or make sense of what you had seen, your phone vibrated. Taking it out, you saw a text from John, as well as several others.

Are you nearly here?

We were supposed to meet up fifteen minutes ago. Where are you?

Did your phone die?

It did, didn’t it. Unless you’re currently doing one of your meta things?

So what had simply been mere seconds for you in reality had been forty five minutes for everyone else. Which wasn’t all that unusual for you, but could certainly make people that didn’t deal with it daily worry. With that in mind, you fingers flew across your keyboard as you typed out your reply.

Yeah, meta thing, sorry. I’m on my way back now.

You turned your flashlight back on and walked back to the entrance. Before leaving, you looked back to where the glowing of Bruce Wayne’s name was now slowly fading away. Whoever he had been, he was asking for your help. You were sure of it and that’s exactly what you were going to do.

[the-lady-writes-what]

Gilded Cage, Part One

Summary:

Keigo Takami, AKA Hawks, has turned villain and you don't know why. After a run-in with the League of Villains, you give chase after the former hero. When you end up taking a bullet to the knee, you're surprised that Keigo not only left you alive, but has taken you to his secret lair. He's built a special cage for you. He says it's to keep the League from coming after you, but you can't help but wonder if it's true or if he just wants you for himself.

Content: Kidnapping Sorry. No smut this time, but it'll be in the next one. Stay tuned

Villain!Hawks x Hero!Reader

(You're a pro-hero whose quirk is basically bending metal. Think Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender)

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3

This part does not contain smut (See above mentioned note). For smut, please follow the links for Parts 2 and 3

                                                       ---080---

It was hard to walk down the halls of Endeavor’s agency these days. The news of Keigo Takami’s, also known as Hawks, betrayal hit Japan’s hero world like a tsunami. It turned into a question of who the next hero will be to go against their moral code and become a villain. Your workload had increased in the drama and paranoia that followed after Keigo’s sudden villainous change. Endeavor worked you down to the bone, but that was because he must have seen you as useful. Your hero name? Iron Maiden on account of your ability to bend metal, such as iron, steel, and copper. Netting bad guys was a whole lot easier when you could wrap them in a fence or trap them with a lamppost.

You finished the afternoon’s paperwork before heading to the breakroom for some lukewarm coffee. You half-expected Keigo to be sitting on the counter where you used to find him. He used to be a fan of Endeavor’s, so he frequented the agency whenever he felt like it. Of all the time you got to see him, it became evident that he wasn’t there to goof around Endeavor’s office. You should have known better than to encourage his casual flirting, but you couldn’t help yourself. Keigo was the first guy who turned your way after a dry spell in the romance department. It had been months since you last had a date, and even if Keigo was joking, it was nice to have a conversation with someone that didn’t involve hero work.

If only you knew back then that his over-confident smile belied an insidious plan to turn to the other side.

Keigo didn’t hurt people. Much. It wasn’t a great comfort to know that he at least didn’t go around murdering people as soon as he became a villain. That didn’t change the fact that he had become one of them. He robbed banks, caused collateral damage to the cityscape, and set the hero society into panic mode. Nobody knew who would switch sides. Heroes and civilians were starting to look at each other with suspicious eyes ever since.

You fixed yourself a cup of coffee when the cellphone on your hip went off. You immediately stopped what you were doing to pick it up. Shocked, you found your boss’s name and number on the screen. You didn’t hesitate to hit ‘receive.’

Endeavor’s voice came loud and clear, even over the sounds of fighting.

“We need you over by Central Park. Takami’s new crew showed up, and we need your quirk to help round them up!”

“On my way, sir.”

Central Park was at least ten miles from your location. Even if you speed, you won’t make it there on time by car. Not this close to rush hour. Of course, you had other methods of getting to where you needed to go. You pried open the nearest window and lept threw it. Part of your hero costume involved strips of steel wire you could sling around with like that American comic book character. Sailing over the city and swinging in between buildings was much faster than any car. You arrived at the scene with the villains terrorizing civilians trying to enjoy their day at the park. You spotted three of them charging at you as soon as you hit the ground. They were nothing but mooks. Clustered together, it was quick work wrapping them in a bundle of wire. You spotted others and repeated the process. Keigo was nowhere in sight. You heard the sound of flames engulfing the trees. Pillars of red and blue flames shot up in the distance. You found heroes to take care of the villains you’d already captured before heading towards what should have been the epicenter of the fighting. Endeavor was busy with Dabi, and there seemed to be no other villains in sight. Still no sign of Keigo anywhere.

“Endeavor!”

You dodged a blue fireball just in time. You hoped that Endeavor would order you to go elsewhere. Five more minutes, and you’d be cooking in your costume.

“Takami headed west. I leave it to you to apprehend him!” Endeavor was so focused on his opponent that he didn’t turn towards you when he gave the order.

You had to dodge more flames, both Dabi’s and Endeavor’s, to head towards Keigo’s last known whereabouts. Away from the smoke and flames, you found a trail of red feathers. There was a moment where you stopped to wonder if Keigo had been injured and left behind some feathers by mistake or if he was deliberately mocking you. However, you didn’t have a moment to linger on that. You followed the trail of feathers regardless if it was a plot.

Keigo made it easy for you to follow. That should have been your first red flag. You were so focused on getting him in handcuffs that the apparent beeline to him was so fucking clear as day. You picked up the feathers as you went. You had a fistful in each hand by the time you reached the end of the park. Your trail went ice cold.

That is until you spotted the shadow of bird wings graze above you. Your head whipped to the sky. Hawks swooped down, nearly knocking you down to the ground. His wings grazed you. He perched himself on a branch far above you.

His appearance was vastly different from the last time you saw him. He wore an all-black suit with a red and gold tie. Pewter rings were on his fingers. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, but his smile was the most unnerving thing about him. You lashed outwards with your arms, the metal from your gauntlets catching him by the ankles.

“Keigo Takami, you’re under arrest. You have the right to—”

Keigo didn’t let the mild impairment weigh him down. His wings couldn’t be easily held down by you. He flew straight towards you. His height never hid the fact that he was powerful. He plowed you into the ground. The wires unwhirled around his feet and let him soar above you.

“Get back down here, bird brain!” You lashed out your wires again in hopes of pulling him back down to earth.

Each time Keigo moves just a little bit out of reach. You already spent so much on capturing those D-level cronies that you didn’t stop to think of conserving your limited amount of iron wire. Keigo’s wings took him high above to where your weapon couldn’t reach him. He smirked down at you before taking off.

You ran after him, going so far as to hopping over the chain-link fence and following on foot. Your wires came in handy twice today as you soared from lamppost to lamppost, tracking Keigo’s aerial movements. Citizens yelled words of encouragement as you chased after Japan’s new most wanted criminal. The air stung your cheeks, and you could feel your eyes watering as you sped faster between rooftops.

Keigo made the mistake of flying to close to the building whose roof you just scaled. There was a split-second decision. You could stop and let him get away, or you could take the chance. You lunged for him, limbs scrambling through the air to find purchase. Your hands grabbed his suit jacket. Hauling yourself upon his back, you managed to secure your legs around him and put his neck in a headlock.

“As I said before, you’re under arrest!” You screamed as the wind busted your eardrums.

Keigo merely looked over his shoulder at you. His smile was cheeky as ever.

“Really, Princess? The way I see it…you’re the one at my mercy. Unless you got a plan to get us both safely on the ground without bashing our brains on the concrete.”

You growled as Keigo caught you. You didn’t think this far ahead.

You screamed as Keigo flew up towards the sun at lightning speed. Light burning your eyes, you had no choice but to shield them. Keigo used your distraction as the opportunity to shift your weight off his back. All too late, you felt your legs and arms loosen around him. Soon you were plummeting back to the ground. With any luck, your wires would find purchase on something and save you from falling to your death at the last minute. At the rate you were falling, good luck.

You were ten feet from meeting a concrete rooftop when Keigo reappeared. He wrapped you in his arms almost in a possessive manner.

“You’re way too pretty to let splatter. Come on. I’ve got a much better place to finish this!”

His clever hands worked your phone from your belt. Keigo dropped it on the ground, where it shattered several feet below you. Your only chance of survival was to let him take you where he wanted and not get your brains to plaster the sidewalk. His wings soared over the city. You once imagined being in his arms like this. It only made your stomach churn with the thought of what he was going to do to you once you were where he wanted you.

Keigo dropped down in the industrial district. Factories surrounded you. The smell of iron and diesel filled your lungs. But of all the places he picked, why did Keigo go where you had the most advantage? Didn’t he realize that with all of this metal, you were the one with the home-field edge? You didn’t have the time to ask or react when he pulled out the gun from his jacket.

In a flash, your life flashed in your mind. You didn’t stand there waiting to die. At least, you were going to make sure they say you died fighting to your last breath. You charged for Keigo, metal whips whirring to life.

BANG!

It was over. Except instead of sweet oblivion that came with death, you found yourself bleeding on the ground. Your blood pooled around your knee, where he shot you. The pain was exquisite as the bullet lodged itself in your knee cap. You weren’t going to be standing on that leg for a very long time; you could forget about fighting. Keigo’s black shoes came into your line of vision. From shock, you got onto your elbows to look at the bastard.

“What…the hell?” You ground your teeth. “I didn’t picture…you to be the sadist. Going to kill…me…slowly? Is that how you roll now?”

Keigo put his gun away. Then, he reached into the other side of his jacket. When his hand came away this time, he held a syringe.

“That was just to keep you from fighting me. I’m going to get you patched up real quick. Just as soon as I give you your medicine.”

Keigo was faster than you. Your hand shot up to grab him, but the needle was already in your neck. He squeezed the trigger and pumped you full of the drug. It took a few minutes for it to kick in. By the time he had you in his arms again, your head was spinning. A moment later, you finally found that oblivion you were looking for earlier. This time, you were reasonably sure you’d wake up this time, and you weren’t going to know where he was taking you. And that was the scariest thought you had before passing out in the former hero’s arms.

When you woke up, you noticed the stiffness in your leg. Your favorite color draped the bed you laid in. Your hero’s costume was gone and replaced with a negligee you wouldn’t own even if you had a boyfriend. It, too, was in your favorite color. The lace hem barely touched your upper thigh.

Further down, your right leg was held in a cast. Your foot rested on a pillow. As your vision cleared, you got a better picture of where you were.

It could have been described as a room if only it had more than one wall. Where plaster walls should have been, stood solid gold bars. The floors were marble tiles. There was a dresser, a desk, a lavish set up on a vanity, and a familiar coffee table on which sat a widescreen T.V. Every item in your cell was made of either wood, fiber, plastic, or metal you couldn’t bend, including the bars. Squeezed between the actual wall and the cell bars stood a small room. With its door closed, so you couldn’t discern its purpose yet. Footsteps came down the hallway. They rounded the corner. Keigo smiled at you like you were a pretty bird in his cage.

“You’ve been asleep for a while now. Doc had to give you an extra shot so you wouldn’t wake up in the middle of your surgery. Sorry I had to bust your knee cap. You can be so stubborn sometimes.”

“Why am I in a cage? Why am I dressed like this? Just what the hell are you on?” You started to get up from the bed, but it was difficult to swing your leg over the bed when it was in a cast.

“In reverse order,” said Keigo, “I’m not on any drugs. I thought you would look cute in that negligee, and it’s in your favorite color. I put you here for your protection, and honestly, you look damn good in it.”

“Why? Why the hell did you do any of this?” You still struggled to move your damn leg.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I’d hate to come in there and show you why.”

His eyes held a glimmer of that charm you once fell for, but there was a predatory light that eclipsed it. Keigo leaned against the bars, stroking the beams.

“Solid gold. It took me a long time to find enough money and resources to build this thing. A pretty little cage for my pretty little bird.”

“Just how long have you been saving?” You wanted to know how long he had wanted to put you in here, yet you still dreaded his answer.

“A couple of years. My original idea was to take us on a cruise. It probably would have been much more romantic, but things come up. You change your plans. Ideals become tainted, and you have to find new ones.”

“What happened to you? You were the number two hero! Some so many people looked up to you. There are still people who believe that this is just a rouse to capture the League of Villains. How could you do that? How could you betray everyone’s trust?”

Keigo didn’t say anything. He held his head down as if lost in the thought. He braced his forearm against the bars as he leaned his head against his arm. Inhaling a long breath,

Keigo let out an aggravated sigh. When he looked up at you, you saw a different man. “Let me ask you this, Princess. How could somebody’s parents sell their kid to the government? How could anyone take a small kid and turn them into a child soldier? For what? So they can pat themselves on the back and say that they’re morally superior to the villains. They take kids from their parents and steal their childhood. And when those kids grow into adults and realize what a shitty system they were raised in, they stare up at you surprised that you had enough of their bullshit.”

“T-Takami…”

“I realized too late that everything that was supposed to be mine was taken from me. My family. My name. My childhood. For what? So I can be number two behind a man like Endeavor. Have you spent time with the bastard? I never noticed it before, but all of a sudden, it becomes clear that society cares less about a hero’s moral code and more about their ability to beat down the nail that sticks out. Ever wonder how his youngest got that scar?”

You nodded. You vaguely remember hearing Endeavor talk about his youngest son.

“It turns out Endeavor pushed his wife around so much that she went mental. She burned the side of Shoto’s face because it reminded her of the man who knocked her around and forced to have his four kids. Does that sound like hero material to you?”

Blood drained from your face. It made sense…in a way. You never met Endeavor’s youngest, so you couldn’t verify the truth or not. For all you knew, Keigo was pulling it out of his ass to make you sympathize with him.

“Why didn’t you go to the authorities? There must have been someone who would have investigated it.”

“By the time I found out, nobody would have believed me at any rate. Endeavor might be a bastard, but he’s still the number one hero. I’m just the rejected garbage the Safety Commission doesn’t want to clean up.” Keigo unlocked the door to your cage.

“Why are you telling me this then?”

Keigo crossed the “room” and picked you up from the bed. You couldn’t move your leg without feeling a jolt of pain go up to your thigh. There was no way for you to struggle. “Because I made a deal with the League. As long as I keep you by my side and you don’t go anywhere, they won’t touch you or your family. I’m afraid you won’t be seeing much of the outside world for a while. At least until Shigaraki accomplishes his goals.”

“You know he’s crazy, right?” You sneered.

“Yeah. Little bit. He’s also the first person who made any damn sense when I realized how badly they screwed me over,” said Keigo as he carried you down the hall.

There were a few rooms that he walked past, but he stopped at the end of the hall. He kicked it open. Your heart fluttered like you were his bride; he carried over the threshold. Your stomach churned with guilt rotting inside it. You shouldn’t be having those kinds of thoughts for the man who turned into a villain and kidnapped you. He confessed to planning to keep you as a prisoner for however long it took for that maniac Shigaraki to complete his mission.

Keigo brought you to an actual bedroom. It was a little more sparse than the cage he planned to keep you in. He must have spent more on you than himself. Looking around, the bedroom contained a giant bed and little else. He had you sit on the bed for a moment. Keigo pulled back the covers and fluffed the pillows before gently grabbing you and laying you out. There was a contraption hanging from the ceiling that he pulled down using a thick cord. He slipped your leg into a sling and adjusted it to your comfort before Keigo left you to pull clothes from the dresser. He disappeared into the adjacent bathroom didn’t return until he was half-dressed in a pair of black sweatpants.

Small scars littered his chest and shoulders. From what, you dared not ask. You remembered his words about a stolen childhood to be raised as a soldier. You wondered if they were true. Your mind was plunged headfirst back into the present when Keigo crawled under the sheets with you. Your face went red.

“Relax, Princess. I’m not going to do anything,” he mumbled. He turned off the lights.

“Then why am I dressed like this?” You asked in the dark.

You felt Keigo’s weight make the bed dip. He settled on his side so he could snake his arm around your waist. He snuggled uncomfortably close, but he kept his hands mostly to himself or above the blanket.

“Because you look damn cute in (fave color). I like looking at you.”

His breath against your skin created goosebumps in its wake. Your eyes eventually closed to sleep. As you drifted off, you asked yourself: How long could you live like this?

                                                       ---080---

[whetstonefires]

mcu ethics bad

The thing is that, while I was angry at Tony during Age of Ultron, particularly when he rode over Bruce’s compunctions about building a giant combat super-robot and pressured him into the project like a very very bad friend who happened to also be wrong...

...and when he equipped Hulkbuster armor and fought the Hulk in the middle of a city rather than attempting de-escalation or attempting to haul the Hulk out into the giant adjacent desert....

(And my suspension of disbelief snapped like a frayed cable when he brought down a skyscraper that had had no time to be evacuated on a street full of fleeing people and the only reason we were given to believe he hadn’t just cold-bloodedly created massive civilian casualties was that he told his AI to find the impossible magic angle where doing this wouldn’t kill anyone...)

While I was angry with him then, and unspeakably relieved that he recognized his own damage and retired at the end, haha psych, I was revolted by him during Civil War.

It’s supposed to make us sympathize with a character more, spending so much time with them, getting into their heads, being shown their emotional drives and reactions to things, and we spent so much time with Tony during that film, understanding his point of view. And...I did understand him. He’s not complicated. I even sympathized with his emotional state.

But in the context of his actions, throughout the film, I gazed into that understanding the way I did into Kylo Ren’s face in the seconds after he first unmasked. I see you, I know you, everything you are is written here, and the lines of your shame and self-revulsion are so thick upon you, and you should be ashamed but your self-destruction does not expiate or justify one jot of the harm you do.

Because everything Tony did in Civil War came from a place of selfishness. He was selfish all throughout that movie down to his very spine.

And selfishness isn’t itself necessarily bad--you need a little, to get through life, you have the right to your own portion of it. Your boundaries and your needs. But the type of selfishness that is forcing other people pay dearly for your emotional comfort and sense of control: no.

That is tyranny. That is not acceptable.

And you know how I know he was being selfish? Because his motive for pushing the Sokovia Accords was his personal guilt for the destruction of Sokovia.

But the Accords didn’t address that at all! They were tangential to the issue! None of the terms of the Accords would have saved Sokovia--in fact, the existence of them could easily have prevented the evacuation and harm-reduction the Avengers managed there, without saving a single soul.

The Ultron crisis was something Tony did, not as Iron Man but as Tony Stark, with Bruce Banner’s help, and which Wanda as criminal fugitive later helped exacerbate, and which all the other Avengers were involved in only to mitigate harm.

Legislation, or...treaties, idk, the UN isn’t actually empowered to pass laws so who knows what this thing was...aimed at preventing another Sokovia would mandate constant ethical oversight of billionaire science man’s mad science. At the very least! He never has to run things by ethics boards because he’s self-funded, at the very least let’s invent a mechanism to make up for that.

That would address the actual Sokovia issue, both in terms of risks and in terms of Tony’s personal guilt feelings.

But no one suggests that! It’s not even on the table! Because no one, certainly not any government, can tell Tony Stark what to do unless he lets them, that’s been a clear matter of record since Iron Man 2.

And because no one writing this legal instrument of whatever description was actually motivated by wanting to avoid another Sokovia, or even another ‘Wanda tries to neutralize a suicide bomber but merely gives him a different, smaller victim pool’ incident.

They didn’t care! They blatantly didn’t care! The entire thing was a ghoulish use of the dead to gain enough political leverage over the Avengers to put a leash on them!

(Which might not be a bad thing in principle, everything needs its checks, but when the last quasi-governmental organization you worked for turned out to be Nazis who were only prevented from staging a mass slaughter of undesireables by the skin of your teeth, I think you’re well within your rights to be very choosy about who you agree to obey, and to be firmly against pledging your honor to follow people whose first move was dishonest coercive tactics.

Actually you’re well within your rights to demand to negotiate the terms of even a much less sweeping contract, even without the Nazis. The whole approach to this thing stank to high heaven.

The fact that it was written by the UN like a treaty, expected to be signed by private individuals like a contract, and then enforced like a law except not because 1) laws are for everyone 2) if you break a law you get a trial not extrajudicial incarceration and 3) being pressured to consent to a restriction and then punished for refusing consent is hypocritical circular logic and in fact police corruption at its finest, all continues to show it was a bullshit nonsense franken-document.)

The whole movie is people ghoulishly using the dead to manipulate Tony into making bad decisions in response to his emotional pain. That’s. The plot of the film.

Then Zemo staged T’Chaka’s assassination and framed Bucky for it to raise the tension, ramp up the pressure, and prevent any sitting-down and talking reasonably through this, which might have allowed for the recognition of how extremely bullshit the entire concept was.

Tony was being used. Tony was a tool of bad people for most of that movie, and while Zemo banked on using his wrath for it, the politicos were leaning on his guilt.

And there’s honestly little I hold in deeper scorn than going out and hurting other people to assuage your own guilt and treating this as having the moral high ground. No. You don’t have the moral high ground on account of your guilt motivation. You have it if the actions you took were just, or at least could reasonably be assumed to have been so at the time.

And Tony fucking knew they weren’t. He didn’t even last to the end of the movie before recognizing that he’d been manipulated and fucked up, and doubling back.

That he then walked into a different manipulation, turned on a dime, and had to be stopped from doing a murder doesn’t unwrite that.

And it drives me nuts that people will say Tony was acting out of principle while Steve was acting out of personal attachment. Because sure, the Bucky thing was important, was the reason he was walking forward against all opposition instead of standing still to argue, but it wasn’t the reason Steve said no, while...

Tony wasn’t acting out of principle. Tony isn’t...very good at having principles. That’s not even a criticism or condemnation, it’s just how he functions. Since Iron Man he’s been substituting good intentions and emotional investment, which has worked out to varying degrees. It works best for huge, difficult, very straightforward decisions like ‘ride the nuke through the portal and save my hometown.’ It works less well for nuanced situations.

Tony was, as usual, acting out of emotion. And some awful shitheads who’d figured out where his levers were had calculated how to jiggle his emotion switches in the right places to make him do exactly what they wanted.

And you can tell he wasn’t acting out of principle because, for example, someone who was trying to get the superhero community under outside control for the sake of harm mitigation...

...well, firstly wouldn’t have chosen to stage a massive battle? But it’s possible someone in the UN specifically told him to do that, and in theory they at the very least signed off on it, presumably for its PR value of making Captain America look deranged and violent since it’s a deranged decision from every other angle, so yay, he can pass that responsibility up the chain and not have to angst about it, as promised.

But I was going to say would not have approached a minor who (this timeline takes pains to show us) had no prior experience of battle or even, somehow, serious violent crime, to recruit him to go be a government child soldier on another continent, without his guardian’s knowledge or consent. There were overtones of blackmail in Tony’s approach, before it turned out Peter was such a big fan he didn’t need that. What the fuck frankly.

That is not the action of someone who wants to start doing things by the letter, scaling the violence down, keeping within the law and putting the power of decisionmaking in other people’s hands because he’s realized he can’t trust his own.

And frankly even if he did act like that I wouldn’t necessarily support his choices, in particular his snap decision to behave coercively toward other Avengers with vastly less social power and security than he has.

And that’s the other thing! Everything about ‘Tony + Accords BFFs’ rings so hollow because he has never thought rules applied to him, and he knows perfectly well the entire time he’s fighting to force this surrender of agency down other people’s throats that he is going to be practically immune.

This man was technically a terrorist, proabably the most prolific single terrorist in world history until his rogue android exceeded his body count, but he was immune to prosecution because he was in tight with the United States military-industrial complex and basically untouchable due to his status within capitalism, and pursuing their international goals anyway. In the time between Iron Man and Iron Man II he was basically a one-man upgrade of the US drone program, and so good at it that the crest of blood he carved through the Middle East allowed him to announce he had ‘privatized world peace.’

(You are never going to get a world peace worth anything on the basis of a giant flying gun, okay.)

He went to war as a private individual, against non-state actors who were not directly threatening him, which is very much defined as ‘mass murder’ in all domestic and international law, and the US army in response sued him for control of his weapon. And lost! Lost.

No one attempted to press charges. No one. Because Tony Stark is above all that. And he knows it.

And like. I’m willing to accept the mass murder under the heading of ‘superheroing’ within the terms of this setting! Even if, after his vengeance rampage on his specific kidnappers, this violence was kept strictly off-screen for a reason. I did that! I bent that far! Genre convention!

But this history is kind of vitally important to any analysis of what he thought he was doing, and what he actually was doing, when he decided to become the iron gauntlet of the Sokovia Accords.

The currently active member of the Avengers who needed muzzling most was very manifestly Iron Man, and he knew even as he jammed the muzzle on all his comrades to make himself feel better that it would affect him the least, even if he didn’t finally retire for real this time. You don’t force Tony Stark. Not if you want anything out of it but blown up. You persuade him.

And once you have...oh, look at what he can do.

[tatertotthethot]

I've been a bit down lately cause of dysphoria I'm sorry to be depresso in you ask but this rn is where i feel most comfy.

I'm an AFAB non-binary person that leans towards masc presenting but i fucking hate that my face is so feminine. No matter what i do i just look like a girl and it makes me so fucking sad. I'm not even allowed to cut my hair, like I'm a legal adult but my damn mother won't let me cut my hair cause she says that people with fat faces like me look like bowling balls we short hair. And fuck if I'm so done with it. I can't even come out to people cause I'm scared to be rejected or be told I'm not trans enough cause I "don't look non-binary" which is a fucking dumb thing to say. Even some people i came out to keep using my deadname and misgender me. I hate that i can't stand up for myself and it's entirely my fault. I just wish i could look more like how I feel inside.

This is really taking a toll on me

-kitten anon

First of all I’m more than happy to know that you feel safe here, because you 100% are.

Secondly That’s so wild to me how ppl can genuinely think someone “isn’t trans enough”… like mf it doesn’t have a measuring system, wtf do you mean it’s “not enough”? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know our experiences are vastly different, but I have pcos that blocks out my periods stops/slows my estrogen and makes testosterone build in my system sometimes, and the longer I go without a cycle, the more masculine I start to look. I’ll get random facial hair, my bone structure gets wider, my shoulders start packing on muscle. Last time it got out of hand, I was on Omegle for like 5 mins and some mean ass kids asked me if I was trans because i had “a man’s jaw”. I deadass didn’t leave the house or take any pictures for three months straight 🥲 so on a less consistent scale I do know how crippling it feels to not look the way you feel and to be misgendered/invalidated. I’m so so fucking sorry.

And as someone who is 225 pounds with a round face and double chin, and with all due respect, the hell with your moms opinion. I liked my short hair even though it did give me more of a masculine appearance.. but it was hot ngl. I only grew my hair back out to look more feminine again but hair really REALLY does make a difference. If you want short hair then go for it! PLEASE! You don’t even have to take the leap right off the bat, just slowly shorten it inch by inch, day by day, and let yourself adjust to seeing yourself with shorter hair instead of chipping it all at once. That way you know when to stop and keep going, so that you don’t overwhelm yourself and regret it, and can stop when you feel it’s enough. Look into all the different styled cuts you can go with and all the stylization you can do with it to fit your taste! Hell, YOU CAN DYE IT TOO!!

[howemancing]

WIP Wednesday

I’m going to pretend @dreadfutures tagged me because she said it was open. I started a Flufy Modern AU one shot version of my main OC Elspeth Cousland and Nathaniel Howe which has been a ton of fun to play in. Problem is, I need to work on the pacing, because my main pair just spend the entire time teasing each other.  One day I’ll come back and turn this into a fully fledged fic.   I’ve never posted stories directly to tumblr before so this is about to be an adventure in HTML -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soldering pedals was one of Elsa’s great joys in life. It was simple, straightforward, necessary, and immediately rewarding. Working on music could be richly satisfying in its own right, of course, but sometimes she just wanted a project with a clear goal and obvious outcome. And as a bonus, she could listen to whatever tracks she or her collaborators had made, with half a mind to future tweaks even as she worked. 

Shadow suddenly perked up at her feet, a sure sign that Delilah was home, before turning into a barking dancing ball of energy as she raced towards the doorway.  Her mutt was just barely well trained enough not to bump her owner while she was working, but it made her nervous all the same.

“Hey, ‘Lilah, because I know you love me, would you be willing to take the monster out while you’re still bundled up?” she called out in amusement. “I’m just in shorts and a sweater over here.” She didn’t hear a response, but her faithful mutt’s barking began to get more muted, even through her headphones.

She let herself get caught up in her work once more, finishing the last few wires that needed attaching. Elsa Cousland stood, stretching energy into stiff limbs, wandering over to their kitchen to check on the stewing cordero al vino. Soon enough, she heard the barking of Shadow in the hallway, apparently particularly excitable tonight as she returned. Her faithful mutt didn’t usually stay hyper this long when Delilah came home.

Keys jingled in the doorway, letting in the hyperactive pup, but Elsa’s attention was caught up blowing on the broth, eager to sample if it was coming along alright. “Geez, Lilah, do you have bacon in your pocket or something?”

“Heard a number of odd pick up lines before, but that one’s rather new,” a different, comforting voice graveled at her. Elsa started in surprise. It can’t be, she thought, even as she whirled. Nathaniel Howe was leaning in the doorway. Of course there was a faint smirk on his face, helmet in hand, and he would choose to look quite so dashing in his snow dusted leather coat. “But yes, I am happy to see you.”

“NATE!” she breathlessly enthused, dropping the spoon and launching herself at the man.

He grinned, catching her into a tight hug, wonderful chuckles rumbling through his chest. Despite the cold he brought in, warmth of a different kind seared through her.

“Hey, Elsa,” he breathed, his cologne such a wonderful, familiar scent. “Miss me?”

“You can’t possibly need to ask, you dork,” she murmured back, voice muffled by his chest. She pulled back to beam up at him, trying to ignore how easily he made her heart flip. Piercing grey eyes crinkled at her, peering past that wonderful aquiline nose. A faint blush from winter’s cold colored his cheeks, all while a smile danced across his lips. His sharp chin sporting that same soul patch she remembered so well. 

Nathaniel Howe, back after over a year of international travel. Smiling at her, daring to act even a fraction as happy to see her as she was him. 

She shoved down her pounding heart with firm internal rebuke. She didn’t have a crush on the man anymore, really. Clearly this was just the affection of having missed a man she cared dearly for - as a friend! Her energy would settle soon enough. 

Around their feet, her mutt danced, still bouncing ecstatically, and one particularly affectionate bump nearly knocked Elsa over if Nathaniel hadn’t tightened his hug and righted her. “Shadow, couch,” she ordered with exasperation, and obediently the dog quieted, following her owner’s command. Ponderously she climbed on, mournfully huffing as she curled up on the cushion. Large, sad puppy eyes demanded an explanation for such a betrayal, but her supposedly morose demeanor was rather cut by a wagging tail steadily thumping on the cushions. 

“It’s so wonderful to see you,” Elsa repeated warmly to Nate. “I missed you so much. I can’t believe you’re here! Have you had dinner? Can you stay? I’m making cordero al vino. Ori’s recipe.” 

“It smells amazing, but I don’t want to trouble you,” Nathaniel demurred.

“Doctor Nathaniel Howe! Don’t be ridiculous, do you see the size of that pot? Besides, I will not be denied the chance to play host, or the pleasure of your company,” she growled, playfully thumping him in the chest.

“I am still not used to that title,” he mused, shaking his head, eyes crinkling with amusement. She giggled. “I’ll have to help you get used to it then, Dr. Howe. Indiana Jones wannabe-”

“Great, good. Years in the field and that’s never gotten old.”

“Professional artifact thief.”

“I am not a thief, I do nothing of the sort! I don’t even - I work in Greece, I’m mostly just surveying, and you - ah. You know this, of course you know this, and you’re winding me up.” Nathaniel sighed, rubbing his nose and trying not to smirk. “Why am I such an easy mark for you?”

Her brown eyes sparkled with humorous delight, grin bursting past all efforts to control it. “I mean, that goes both ways and you know it,” she pointed out, and he had to smirk, dipping his head in concession. “Please, settle in, make yourself at home. I should warn you, I’m likely to strongly insist you stay the night.”

“Oh?”

She gestured out the window. “Look at the weather. Did you really not know a major winter storm was coming? I don’t even want Delilah taking public in this, though I imagine she’s thinking the same. Her decision, in the end.”

He hesitated, frame stilling as he shed his coat. “Oh. Just you and me, then?”

Nerves flashed through her. She kept her tone light, offhand. “Is that a problem? Need me to invite other friends?”

“Of course not, but I feel bad for interrupting your, ah, special date night. And I don’t mean to force you to entertain me.”

She rolled her eyes, exasperated, worries settled. “Nathaniel. It’s fine. I’d really prefer you didn’t try and take your bike in the storm that’s about to hit, but I’ll not pressure you. If you can put up with a slightly more humble abode than you’re used to, oh mighty Doctor Nathaniel-”

“-I feel as though you vastly overestimate the lifestyle of a non medical doctor.”

“-we’d be more than happy to have you stay. Especially for safety’s sake. If you can’t fit on the couch, you can stay in my bed.” He raised an eyebrow at her and she flushed, quickly continuing as if nothing were wrong. “Instead of me! I can sleep out here, I’ve spent more than one night on this couch.”

He smiled faintly, though his eyes looked distant. “I’m sure both you and Delilah have.”

“If it weighs on the scale, I’d like to pester you with a thousand questions as your rent for the night. Plus, you’ll have to give that shameless flirt - the one with a tail - all the attention she craves.”

Nathaniel grinned, piercing grey eyes sparkling and flipping her stomach in knots. “Such a price. Are you trying to threaten me with a good time? You know I’d pay it a dozen times over.” Her heart pounded within her, but she shoved that down. Nathaniel loved dogs. “But wouldn’t I just be in your way?”

“Nate, don’t joke like that. I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“A year and a half!” She huffed at him, and he quickly held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I just thought you’d rather - well. I appreciate the offer. Hm.” He checked out the window, noticing the snow flakes getting thicker. “Maybe I will take you up on it, at least for tonight. Mind if I go down and cover my bike, then?”

“Excellent! Good choice,” she praised, and his eyes crinkled in amusement. “And go for it. Dinner should be ready in another ten minute or so.”

“I look forward to it. And the promised thousand questions,” he added with a faint smirk, heading out.

Elsa watched him go, double checking on the lamb with sudden nerves, buzzing with excitement that wasn’t suspicious. It was normal to be this happy to see an old friend. Those butterflies were just clearly the natural excitement of being surprised. But the growing snow worried her, so she found her phone to make sure her roommate wasn’t enroute, and realized she’d missed several texts from Delilah

 Nathaniel’s back in down, you don’t mind if I invite him to dinner, right?

Hey

Hey

Check your damn phone buttface. He’s on his way.

Also I’m going to stay at Albert’s tonight. It’s much closer and work held me up. If you end up fucking my brother, please don’t tell me.

I lied, please tell me

No don’t.

Look tell me but I don’t want details. I just want to know it happened finally.

Exasperated, she rolled her eyes, and set about responding. 

Fucks sake, I’m sorry! I was working on soldering, alright? It’s fine, your brother’s here safely, happy to see him and entertain. He’s going to stay the night

No I’m not gonna sleep with him. Have to get him drunk first so he’ll even want to and that makes the whole thing too bleh for me

Can’t believe you abandoned me on date night, bitch

I’m kidding. Glad you’re staying with Albert but duh. Even without snow, when was the last time you spent the night here? Tell them I said hi

Soon enough, Nathaniel returned, and was promptly attacked by Shadow. He pretended at irritation, but a smirking grin kept fighting against his scowl even as she twined around his legs and forced him to sit with her on the couch.

Elsa smiled, watching him rubbing Shadow’s belly to her obvious delight, letting him have a moment of calm. Soon enough, though, he looked up, raising an eyebrow. “So quiet all of a sudden, should I be nervous? I believe you threatened me with a thousand questions.”

“Just giving you a moment to settle in!” she defended solicitously.

A faint half smirk traced his lips. “Consider me settled.”

It was like a floodgate releasing. “How’s Greece? Are you still doing GIS? Were you able to start any digs, discover any good sites, and find any exciting sherds? Meet any interesting new people?”

Nathaniel chuckled, and his eyes briefly went unfocused, clearly trying to keep track of each of her questions. “Rapid fire questions get rapid fire answers. Greece is good, surveying is excellent, I think we've identified a very interesting new site, specifically because yes, we found a number of interesting sherds. And no, nobody particularly interesting we haven’t already emailed about.” He shook his head, bemused. “This isn’t even your kind of field, and you’re not my family, forced to pretend. How do you remember this much? Even Delilah glazes over whenever I try to explain it.”

“Please, you underestimate how interesting you make things. Besides, ‘Lilah always remembers, she’s just trying to yank your soul patch. Which I note you still have, and so I’ve now lost a bet with her.”

Self consciously, Nathaniel stroked it. “I think it looks good.” 

“It does,” she soothed with a teasing grin. “I just didn’t think those were easy to maintain. Surprised you can keep up such careful grooming in the field.”

“Some things are worth the effort. Besides, you’re one to talk! You’re here in the middle of a city, and yet your hair’s getting so long,” he retorted. “When’s the last time you got a haircut?”

She mockingly gasped theatrically, tossing her long auburn hair. She hoped it would cascade beautifully but realistically knew she was just getting a floofy mess and shedding behind her. “Hey, I get it trimmed regularly. Besides, don’t you mock my hair, it’s my only good feature, Nate!” she baited him, raising a teasing eyebrow.

“That’s not even slightly true,” he protested.

 “How very dare you, good sir. I can’t believe you just called my hair ugly.”

 “I did nothing of the sort.”

 “I work so hard on it, too!”

 “Your hair is beautiful, and so is-”

Theatrically she pressed a hand to her forehead, sighing dramatically. “And now Nathaniel Howe, Expert P-H-D, just called it ugly. Alas! I’ve disappointed my dear Delilah’s brother. Now she’ll hate me too. Curse my miserable existence! I suppose there’s no help for it, I’ll just have to shave it all off.”

Nathaniel was outright laughing by the time her performative and overwrought display was done. “So dramatic. You are such a ridiculous ham,” he teased her. “You would never do such a thing. You know your hair is beautiful.”

She grinned at him, joy bursting out of her too much to be contained. “Can’t help the drama. I’m too excited, it’s hard to play at calm.” She performatively covered her mouth, then, and by the time she removed her hand, her smile was slightly better controlled, though her twinkling eyes betrayed her still. “Sorry, I promise I’ll try to settle down again. This is what you get for surprising me, Nate. My favorite - one of my favorite people is back in town, I’m a little eager!”

He settled slightly, smiling warmly at her, grey eyes dancing with light that made her heart flip within her. “Favorite? Please. Don’t exaggerate, you heartbreaker,” he teased, and as she geared up to protest, he continued, eyes softer, careful smile dancing on his features. “I missed you too, Elsa. It’s - it’s really good to see you again, energy and all. Especially that, actually. I loved your emails but they always lack a little something compared to seeing you face to face.”

She smiled warmly back, trying not to flush. “I know what you mean,” she agreed. “I’m so glad you could come back early. How long are you back this time?”

“Likely a couple years, actually. We’ve all but got the permit to dig in Greece so now it’s just applying for grants for awhile until we have enough to fund an actual dig. I’m probably going to be staying near the university, working on data analysis and grant and paper writing.”

Elsa tried not to let her tremor of excitement show. Cool as a cucumber. Casual. Not at all a silly, lovesick girl. Because it would be ridiculous. She couldn’t actually be still crushing on a man she should have the good sense to get over by now.

But.

A part of her couldn’t help but note this would be the first time in years they’d be local and single for an appreciable time frame. Most of Nathaniel’s graduate career had been intercut with international travel spanning for months on end, often rarely spending more than a season in the country. Last time he was in town for 6 consecutive months, she’d been dating Sebastian, and before that, he’d had some long distance relationship with someone or other. Alvina? Elvira? Damn, she probably shouldn’t be forgetting that.

Nerves would betray her, so she diverted to practical matters. “Oh? That’s wonderful to hear. Where will you be staying?”

“Mostly working out of the university, so I’ll probably settle in with father while I look for a place around here.”

Elsa made a face even as she poured herself a glass of wine.  “You really want to live with your father? I thought you didn’t get along with him either.” 

Nathaniel sighed, shrugging. “Well, I didn’t exactly have an alternative set up. It’s just to tide me over until I can get an apartment.”

“Stay here!” she insisted. “We can put you up for however long it takes to find a place.”

“That’s a kind offer, but I’m not sure Delilah would appreciate it.”

“‘Lilah would much rather you stay here than with your father, trust me,” Elsa pressed, taking a seat on the couch with him. “Double check with her if you prefer, but I’ll put money down I’m right.”

“I’ll think about it,” Nathaniel demurred. “I’d rather not, ah. Be in either of your way, though. Wouldn’t it be awkward to have the older brother around, looming over you two?”

What a strange way to phrase things. But Nathaniel tended to be more careful in his word choice than others, and Elsa knew she’d probably thrown him off already with her energy and offer. “Not at all. I intend to be shameless regardless of your presence. We can have late night slumber parties!” she insisted cheerfully. 

Nathaniel’s face flushed slightly, then, though it was hard to tell why. Nathaniel was a flirt himself, and quite smooth about it, so the idea that he was flustered from her flirtations was hard to buy. But then, it was possible she was coming across stronger than she realized. Best to back off, then. “Well, it’s your choice, but offer’s on the table.”

“I’ll talk with Delilah.”

[purplesurveys]

1041

survey by chasingghosts

What is the age gap between you and your parents? 27 for both. Technically, 26 years with my mom since she had yet to celebrate her birthday when she had me, but she was going to turn 27 all the same. Guh. I can’t believe I’m just five years away from that and I’m still nowhere near building my own family.

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough? Two. I’d say it’s enough. Two people in the family rarely have to go to the bathroom at the same time so it works out for us.

Have you sent a letter to anyone in the past year? Yeah. I used to give Gabie a handwritten letter every Christmas along with her gifts. I still plan on writing her one, but obviously the content will be vastly different now.

Have you ever video chatted with someone you met online? I did this with Carley a handful of times; we’d video chat when I came home from school which was around the time she would get ready for school. She was such an extrovert who was so lovely and bubbly around me, and I’ve always felt bad that she had to contend with my shy ass with my mic always muted lol.

Are you hungry or thirsty right now? I’m neither but I can go for a light meal right now, which is great because I got myself a chicken barbecue sandwich and a caramel macchiato from Starbucks as a treat for myself tonight :) I went through five video call meetings just for today alone, went through several breakdowns while at work, and am also on my period, so I thought I deserved a break.

When was the last time you ate something, and what did you eat? Literally just had a bite from my sandwich.

Have you ever seen the film Boondock Saints? Nope. Sounds nothing like my type of film.

Do you own a pair of gumboots? Nah. I don’t like walking in floods anyway, so I don’t plan on getting a pair.

What colour is your favourite mug? Copper.

How far away from your town/city is your state's capital city? I already live in my province’s capital.

Have you ever worked somewhere where you had to clean the toilets? I haven’t.

Do you know anyone named Doug? No, not really a common name here.

What cut of jeans is your favourite and why? Do mom jeans count as a cut? I’ve been all over those throughout 2020. They’re stylish and yet so comfy, which are two words that seldom go together.

Do you rate people's attractiveness on a scale of 1-10? Uhhhhhhhh unless a friend asked me to rate someone they know, I don’t really think in these terms.

Name a few of your favourite actors. Kate freaking Winslet. Also Kristen Stewart, Emma Stone, Audrey Hepburn, Brie Larson, Florence Pugh, and Eddie Redmayne. I’d name Timothée Chalamet but I have yet to see a work of his.

Do you collect anything, or have you ever? The first item I ever collected was notebooks. In my past relationship (is it obvious I’m not over it yet and probably never will be? Ha) I initially liked to collect receipts from places we went to and ate at. I’d also like to be able to grow a collection of wrestling memorabilia, particularly action figures and belts. It’s not really a life goal of mine but it’d still be a cool thing to achieve.

So, how has your week been so far? I mean it’s only Monday, so nothing much. I cried and broke down a lot today which wasn’t a good start, but tomorrow’s a holiday so no work; and for Thursday I was invited to the Christmas party of the department I initially interned at and apparently they’ll be sending over a Christmas kit over to my place so I’m looking forward to these! It’s super touching they remembered and still invited me even though I’m not a part of the team anymore, so I wouldn’t have missed the party for the world.

Is there anything that you could cry about right now? Definitely, and being on my period at the moment makes it so much easier to cry. But I already cried too much and too hard earlier today and it felt exhausting, so I’m trying to avoid it tonight.

How old were you when you learned how to tie your shoelaces? I was five. I probably would’ve made myself learn later but one of our ‘exams’ in kindergarten was to show that you know how to tie your shoelaces, so I had to ask my grandma to give me a crash course.

Have you ever slept in a car overnight? Why did you have to? Yeah. I had to pull several all-nighters in college and work at 24/7 coffee shops, but I usually gave up by around 2-3 AM and would sleep in the car by then.

When was the last time you used Facebook? Earlier this evening, but I couldn’t scroll too much because spoilers for Start Up are everyyyyyyfuckingwhere and I’m still several episodes away from the finale, which aired last night.

Do you have a PO Box or does your mail get sent straight to your house? Our mails and parcels get sent straight to our door.

Are you interested in entomology? Do you know what that is? Never been. I think it’s great that insects have a lot of capabilities and contributions that we often take for granted; but I personally find a great deal of them icky as well lol so I wouldn’t say I’m interested in this branch.

Have you ever had to claim insurance? What for? Hmm I don’t think so. Not my own nor my parents’. Do you like to listen to albums start-finish without skipping or shuffling? I’ll do this sometimes with my favorite albums, yes. Fuck knows how many times I listened to After Laughter from start to finish with no skips; it was my favorite for a while.

Do you have any unspoken enemies, or maybe frenemies? I’m not the biggest fan of Patrice, but it’s not something I broadcast to people because why would I? I’m sure she slightly does not like me too, so we’re even.

What was the last thing you broke? That would be my last phone charger cord. I’ve since had it replaced though.

Do you have a favourite state/province/territory in your country? Not necessarily an overall favorite but I do have a favorite place I’ve traveled to, which is Sagada. I need a second vacation to see if it still lives up to my expectations and if it would still be able to give me an experience as cathartic and therapeutic as my first trip there, but for the last five years it has sat on the throne.

How many vowels are in your street name? Is this question too mundane? Three. I mean I’ve never been asked this on a survey before, so I wouldn’t call it that.

What are your three top favourite flavours of ice cream? Cookies and cream, chocolate chip cookie dough, coffee.

How far away is the nearest Target? At least a couple thousand miles away.

Do you prefer Target, Kmart or Walmart? Idk and idc.

Have you ever farted in class or somewhere else you shouldn't have? No. I suppress my farts, even when I’m alone haha it’s just my least favorite bodily function.

What's your middle name? Would you change it? I’m not giving it away. I wouldn’t change it and I’m definitely not giving it up even if I get married. I’m keeping my middle name then just hyphenate my surname so that I get to keep all three names.

When was the last tie you wore heels? What was the occasion? September. Job interview for a position I didn’t really want but still chose to undergo because it was still an interview.

Do you find yourself lost for words often? I guess yeah, depression does tend to do that to me.

Did you share baths with your siblings/cousins when you were a child? Yep, I remember sharing the shower with my sister as late as when I was 10. Then puberty happened to me and I did not want to continue the practice anymore, haha.

Have you ever been a member of an online dating site? How did it go? I joined Tinder while I was in a relationship (she made an account as well at the time so it was fair game) literally just to people-watch. I wasn’t interested in cheating; I was just genuinely curious to see how the app worked. I put on a fake name, age, location and my profile photo was of a cat I saw in school so it was impossible to tell it was me.

Do you know what your neighbours even look like? I would not be able to recognize them if you lined them up with a bunch of other strangers, to tell you the truth. I’d probably be able to recognize the carpenters working on the house currently being constructed in front of ours though; they’re super nice and they’re crazy over Cooper haha.

How many siblings does your best friend have? Angela is an only child.

Do you put ketchup on your fries? No. Ketchup does not go anywhere near my fries.

Have you been lucky enough to make out with anyone in the past week? LOL lucky enough...but no, I haven’t done that in a while.

Have your parents ever worked in the agriculture business etc. on a farm? Neither have.

Do you have an ex that makes you angry with literally everything they do? No.

Are you easily susceptible to brain freeze? No but tooth sensitivity, yes. I have a certain tooth that acts up whenever I eat ice cream, and it can get soooo inconvenient and uncomfortable for a few seconds.

[penzyroamin]

penzy first of all... i can’t wait for ch 2 u know more than anyone that i live and breath for flowers you’ve got me all excited now! second, talk to me abt ur country music recs! and thirdly give me that exr/javid character analysis RIGHT NOW because it is giving me Emotions!!

flowers ch 2 has everything.... banter, sweet sibling moments, artistic metaphors, and charlie

COUNTRY MUSIC RECS!!! ok so obviously we’ve got the classics. reba, the chicks, shania, taylor, dolly. these are obvious ones. once again to reiterate for those of you who havent caught up with the chicks: gaslighter saved 2020.

mickey guyton is really wonderful! her record has been WOEFULLY misusing her, but she has an ep called “bridges” that went out this year and she performed at the acm awards, so hopefully she’ll see some more attention and chance to build her career soon! she’s got a gorgeous voice, especially live, and she breaks perfectly out of the usual blueprint for radio country. each of her songs feels distinct and different from the others while still cohesive as all hers. she also makes really good use of some background choir moments if that’s a selling point like it is for me fhskjdhskhds. she’s also unabashedly political with her music! bridges has songs about facing inequality and getting through the division in the country, plus getting wasted and fake bitches fsjdhsjhds. this is country after all. i cannot comprehend the guts it took for her, as the first black woman to perform solo at the acm awards, to sing about how we fail to create a better world for our daughters. i’m excited to see where she goes now that she has more attention and an opportunity to build on it!!!

for some great gay country: jamie wyatt!!! she came out within the last year and has two albums out, the most recent being “neon cross”! she has a really classic country sound AND a gorgeous alto voice, which is always awesome to hear. she’s dedicated herself to making country a more inclusive genre. specific songs to check out: “rattlesnake girl” and “make something outta me”!! she also wins coolest album cover. it makes me gayer than i was before.

chely wright’s been making country for decades, she has eight? i think albums, but she pretty much got excommunicated after she came out in 2010 so she hasn’t gotten a bunch of buzz recently. her 2016 album, “i am the rain”, has sort of country “tapestry” energy, and i highly recommend it!

i also love yola-- she has a gorgeous deep voice, and her album “walk through fire” is fucking brilliant. she got nominated at the grammys for it, so i’m really really excited to see what she does going forward. her music just makes me feel very Warm and comforted but also melancholy and its just... hot damn walk through fire is good. her music has a soul feel to it in addition to the country roots!

anyways!! if youre new to country and looking for a good entry into the genre, go for the classics list i put up there, and if you like country and you aren’t familiar with any of the less ultra famous artists, check them out for some good tunes!

OK CHARACTER ANALYSIS TIME.

this ask is massive i regret nothing

i will probably go more into detail later but here’s what i have right now: jack is a naturally supportive person who’s been forced into leadership, and davey is a natural leader who’s been repressed into staying in the background.

on jack’s end-- i think he’s really in a situation where he doesn’t want to lead or be in charge, it’s just something he kind of fell/was forced into. in my head, since he goes out of his way to help and support people, he gradually became the person all the newsies went to for help, and eventually that formed into him being a leader for the unit. but it’s VERY obvious he isn’t entirely comfortable/okay with it-- at his worst moment, in santa fe, he is literally begging to be somewhere where people won’t depend on him but will still care about him. another thing that really points towards this would be that he only resolves to stay in new york when he realizes that he has people to help him and he doesn’t have to shoulder leadership alone anymore

on davey’s end-- this might be a Hot Take, but i think davey’s a much more natural leader than jack is. look at wwh reprise: his phrasing specifically takes on a lot of very classic leadership ideas in a way that almost makes him seem like a general planning strategies. he’s more capable of looking at the larger picture-- partially because jack cares so much about the newsies and can’t bear to see them getting hurt, but i think it also comes from davey being really good at structuring those large-scale, big-picture ideas. i think we often gloss over the rally because it goes to shit, but that’s his idea! in my eyes, he’s someone who’s been taught to always keep his head down and stay out of the spotlight-- considering that his family is poor, jewish, and possibly newer to america, and that he was still in school, which would have likely been a hostile environment for him, there’s plenty of reason for him to do just that. but i think it’s very telling what finally breaks him and gets him to join the strike-- jack’s speech wears him down, sure, but it’s jack ASKING HIM FOR ADVICE that finally wins him over.

anyways. i think the idea of jack as someone who doesn’t want to lead but kind of has to and davey as a natural leader who has forced himself into the background for safety is VASTLY more interesting than like. jack is a loudmouth and davey’s shy. but that’s just My Thoughts. i will polish them more later fsjdghsjgds thank you for asking me about them!!!

[smallblanketfort]

hi again. i typed half a response to what you said and then got sucked into dumb life shit and forgot to come back to this... but anyway. i really love & appreciate what you said (and also my pronouns are he/him). i just have been living this for whole ass years and am at the point where i am just... physically stuck. waiting for hormones for my life to start. like for example the only future i could ever see myself being happy and fulfilled in is one where music is integral... 1/

...but my voice is the number one thing i am the MOST dysphoric about. but i want to dance. i want to sing. i want to give my everything to make that my life, i want to sweat and cry and go hungry and struggle for it, i want to throw myself at it in the hopes that maybe there are people out there that will feel moved by what i have to say. but how am i supposed to say anything, how do i sing it all out when every time i open my mouth i feel like shriveling up and dying? when strangers get my pronouns right only to “correct” themselves when they hear my voice? after 5 years how many more will it take for me to be able to so much as wear all the t-shirts i’ve collected only to never feel comfortable with one on? i seriously live so out in the middle of conservative nowhere right now that even if i went behind my family’s back i’d still have no trans resources here to even turn to. seriously, i’ve looked into it. it would cost me hundreds of dollars per visit plus probably 4 hours of travel just for a lgbt *therapist* of any kind. and that’s not even someone who can get me anything physical that i need. i just hate that money is the only fucking reason i’m not in an entirely different place in my life right now. i cannot. support myself alone. with minimum wage. and it’s so fucking frustrating and the idea of being where i’m at for longer than just the next month makes me want to break down and cry. but fuck sorry now i’m just oversharing and i’m sorry i’ve just had no one to talk to about this. i appreciate you. thank you. -thunderstorm anon 

hi friendo

i am so sorry, and your frustrations and fears and realities and pain is so so real and valid. 100%. you are heard, and you know what is right for your body.

some thoughts that come to mind. I’m not sure if any of this is accessible or appropriate to you, so please disregard to any point that feels comfy.

a lot of the trans music artists i listen to do not really sound like the gender they are. it’s unfortunate, and i can’t imagine how that feels. but! it might be relatable and peaceful to witness trans artists living their dream and letting their voice be heard, even if it feels separate from what the stereotypical gendered voice is. i am nonbinary, so our experiences with gender are vastly, vastly different! where i disentangle everything from my gender/sex, i understand that you want to place your voice into that gendered space, and that’s completely okay. i just want to acknowledge the reality of our differences bc i know i have some privilege there.

as for therapy, there are some free virtual options that might work for you, plus some w sliding scales. first thoughts include the trevor project and trans lifeline. they might have recommendations for you... from trans people. (sorry, i’m a librarian by day, finding resources is just how my brain functions)

also want to reinstate that your reasons for how you feel are fully valid. you are fully trans and fully guy, whether or not you’ve transitioned. fully. prioritize your safety in your home, but consider if there is an adult in your life you can come out to and share this with. again... prioritize your safety. you deserve to be heard. and capitalism is a bitch, and so is money. you’re also young. do you have plans to go to college? i really need you to look past 2 months from now and imagine for yourself a future that is 2 years, 5 years, 8 years away from you. what does it look like? a month from now is not your forever, even if it is agony. i really want to look into your eyes rn and tell you that there is a future for you, and you are in it, living in a body that feels more like yours.

thank you for sharing, friend. i promise that someone reading this sees themselves in your words... and that sucks, but you are so loved and seen. always here for you.

m

[ckret2]

what are ichi, ni, and san attracted to individually?

Oh man I found my draft of this buried way deep in my docs, I meant to finish answering this ask weeks ago. How long have I been not working on this? Dang.

Anyway.

I've made some posts about who each of them are individually attracted to, but I haven't done one yet on what each of them individually finds attractive, so sure! A lot of the below will also discuss the love interests each of them has expressed attraction to, to the extent that each of their individual love interests reflect their individual tastes.

This post is 2700 words, buckle up.

Let's start off with what they've got in common—because what they've got in common vastly overwhelms their differences. All of their personal tastes have been heavily shaped by the trauma they went through, so both their collective tastes and individual tastes reflect that. Most prominently: they're all attracted to skilled/strong warriors, because 1) under the Xilien military they had it beaten into their heads that the only thing of worth about them is their ability to destroy, 2) at this point nearly all their hobbies and interests besides fighting have atrophied to nothing so fighting is the only couple bonding activity left to them, and 3) they live under constant terror that if they care about something, it will be destroyed/killed, because they ARE an instrument of destruction/death and that's the framework through which they see the universe—so a partner who can defend themself against anything that might try to destroy them is very appealing.

So you get a powerful warrior, that's gonna put a check mark on all three of their "ideal partner" wish lists.

They're also going to be collectively more attracted to people with dorat-esque physical traits. Scales, coloration in the yellow range, long flexible bodies, articulated wings, a one-head-and-four-limbs symmetrical body layout, snoutlike face with one mouth and two eyes... (When you've been around enough aliens, things like "symmetrical bodies with four limbs" and "one mouth and two eyes" are no longer a given.) Not that EVERYTHING is necessary for them to be attracted, of course, but little things add up. For example, if they were forced to choose and if he wasn't their Hated Nemesis, they'd find Godzilla more attractive than Kong on the basis of the fact that he's reptilian, he's got a tail, and he's got a row of spines down his back, and therefore he's more doratlike than Kong. However, Godzilla loses out to Manda, who's snakey, has horns, and is close to a color that dorats actually come in.

This isn't a conscious thing on their part—they don't, like, mentally tally up dorat-like traits. But if you went up to them and asked "hey, what traits do you consider hot?" and for some reason they decided to answer instead of incinerate you, the list of features they'd provide would end up pretty well describing a very handsome dorat. They don't REALIZE they're looking for dorat traits, but if you pointed it out to them they'd be like "Oh, huh. Well, yeah, basically. But a good looking dorat."

Plus some variations based on their original Dorat Sexualities; like, Ichi and Ni are both more attracted to smaller wings and longer/spiny tails, while San is the opposite. (Not that this is necessary. San looked at Gigan's itty mainly-for-decoration wings and went "yeah these are fine" and Ichi looked at Rodan's little nubby tail and went "sure, still cute.")

Other traits they've got a shared interest in: positivity, optimism, upbeat attitudes, all that, because they've got none themselves; self-confidence, courage, bravery; people who understand the war machine life—they don't feel wholly relaxed around people who don't have a kill count that can be measured in planets, they feel like they've got to keep up an artificially harmless façade not to be cast out by people who Don't Get It; someone they can see more as a "beast" than as a "person" because they feel like "people" are out of their league but "beasts" are their equals (which is an artificial divide that they absorbed from Xiliens, based on arbitrary measures of personhood like "does their culture wear clothes" or "did they invent their own technology or inherit someone else's").

Okay, so, on to their individual preferences. In order!!

Starting with Ichi! A.K.A. The Only One That Actually Has A Crush On Rodan. Most of the reasons he likes Rodan are because he hits a lot of the traits that all of them find attractive: great warrior;  he's pretty upbeat; he's brave; he gives them "oh this is definitely A Fellow Animal and not a Person" vibes; they think that he's totally down with destroying the world (because they don't realize that he didn't understand that that was what they were up to); and he makes them go "oh, he's like, 60% dorat? 65%?"—because of his appearance, because he (like them) survived the oxygen destroyer unscathed, and because he could break out of their siren song mind control. So those are all reasons for Ghidorah to like Rodan.

But it doesn't explain why Ichi likes him so much more than the other two.

And deep down... deep, deep down... I think Ichi just wants to get dicked down and Rodan looks like he can do the job.

But seriously though—Ghidorah, as a whole, has been suppressing a broad swath of their emotions for an extremely long time, ESPECIALLY their capacity to form emotional connections with anyone else. Ni and San have both cracked on that front—Ni's got an ongoing crush that he deals with by burying it alive, and San's got a star-crossed love half a galaxy away that he left behind kicking and screaming—but Ichi's never cracked. He's never let himself fall for anyone. Ni and San see "keep Ghidorah isolated, independent, self-contained" as an obligation; Ichi sees it as a duty—his duty to his other two parts.

None of the three is officially the leader/in charge, but Ichi ended up the de facto leader because back when they were even worse of a psychological wreck than they are now he was the one who just barely held it together enough to corral them and keep them going. He's the team Mom Friend, assuming that the mom in question is also a hardened drill sergeant without an ounce of natural maternal instinct, and the friends the drill sergeant mom friend is mothering are two traumatized soldiers trying to escape a postapocalyptic hellscape so they can forage for food. He's done a better job of not getting attached than the other two because he's felt most strongly that that's absolutely not an option.

But then they're on Earth, one of the worlds they've struggled the hardest to try to conquer, one of the most frustrating experiences of their post-Xilien-escape life; and they've just woken up from several millennia in ice, pissed the fuck off but also disoriented as hell and keenly aware of the fact that they lost a HELL of a fight in order to have been frozen; and mentally, they're somewhat rattled apart, they're still rebooting their usual emotional shields and defenses, they're still trying to get the mental pieces put back together, and Godzilla attacks them like a minute after they wake up and their brains are definitely not put back together—

There are holes in Ichi's mental defenses that have never been there before. He's vulnerable in a way he hasn't been before. It's not that something about Rodan is more attractive to him than it is to the other two—it's that the other two keep a good solid inch of iron around their capacity for affection, but Ichi keeps a nice fat five-foot-thick steel wall around his; and right now that wall is missing. He is completely exposed to the possibility of someone swooping in and seizing his heart—and Rodan went right for his chest with talons extended. And because just that one time, that one day, he's already shaken up, he's already vulnerable, Rodan gets through when the next day he might not.

And so even though the other two can also look at Rodan and agree, yes, the things Ichi is attracted to him for are indeed attractive, Ichi falls hard and fast when the other two don't.

Or, the tl;dr version:

Ichi has been suppressing his sexuality for several times longer than the human race has existed. For a moment—just a moment—all that suppression is gone; and so he's at risk of latching on to anyone that struck him as attractive. On this day, at this moment, he wants to get dicked down, and by god, Rodan looks like he can do the job.

And with all that written... because everything we've seen that Ichi is attracted to so far fits in with what Ghidorah-as-a-whole is into, I'm not sure that I've got anything specific to list that sets his tastes apart from the collective's. I might come up with some later, but since thus far they haven't been relevant in what I've been writing, I haven't come up with any in particular. Maybe it's just the case that all the things he's attracted to also happen to be things that The Whole is attracted to. Y'all wanna suggest specifics, I'll see if I like any that I can work in?

Ni's romantic tastes are best covered here, with the explanation of why he's into San:

https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/187039340467/anonymous-said-why-did-redacted-fall-for

And honestly... that's it. That's his taste. San is his taste. His taste is San. He had a babycrush on San since back when they were three individual dorats that barely knew each other, long before they were picked up for Highly Unethical Animal Experimentation, mutated, combined, and turned into Ghidorah; and realizing that one of the two people he was stitched together to and sharing brainspace with was the dude he had a crush on was one of the primary things that galvanized him to, like, survive. And since then having a secret limerent obsession with one of the two dudes he's fused to has determined almost everything about his romantic preferences, sexuality, and entire mental/emotional landscape.

What he liked San for originally can basically be boiled down to:

1) He was less "hivemindy" than other dorats, particularly dorats of his sex—San's sex is the one that's got less control over their empathic abilities, and so it's easy for a bunch of them to get together and catch the same emotion from each other like a fast-moving contagion. San had a tendency to go less "tunnel vision" on whatever The Group was thinking about and notice things going on outside their current activity—often with such great interest and attention that it broke The Group out of the zone as well, to their consternation—but Ni, who was uncomfortable in hiveminds, appreciated that about him.

2) Ni's of the dorat sex that's got stronger empathic abilities, but also a better ability to dim the degree to which they're active—and Ni liked to not just dim his ambient empathic field but also turn it off completely, because he didn't like others reading his feelings at all times. This is uncommon enough in dorats that it actually drove their owner to take him to the vet to make sure his head was okay. (And it was okay; he was just Extremely, Extremely Introverted by dorat standards.) Most dorats thought that this made Ni super weird/uncomfortable/off-putting. San thought it made him interesting, a unique novelty worth investigating. Ni appreciated that San didn't radiate Wild Discomfort in his presence.

3) San was, like, pretty hot. For a dorat. To other dorats. Adolescent dorats. Basically he was the cutest preteen snake in the room because he looked like a 14-year-old snake instead of a 12-year-old snake.

But that... was an extremely long time ago. And basically none of it applies anymore. What's being hivemindy or not matter when there's only three of you and you're always in and out of each other's heads? What's it matter that once upon a time long long ago San thought Ni was okay for shutting off access to his emotions when now there are only two people who CAN feel Ni's emotions/thoughts and both of them are equally chill & used to him keeping his mind closed/filtered to them? What's it matter that San was a cute baby snake when they're now three terrifyingly ancient monster snakes that were mutated to look almost identical?

So, by this point? What he's attracted to is, legitimately, "whatever San is like." His preferences shift so that they're always San-centric. San is the emotional rock Ni is clinging to.

... It's honestly kind of terribly unhealthy.

So if you asked him what he's attracted to, he'd say, like, "Oh, you know... someone who's observant, attentive... someone who's curious about his environment, likes learning... someone who appreciates the little things... uhh...... someone who's closer to the left shoulder than the right shoulder........." and then he'd peter out of traits to list because at this point Ichi, Ni, and San's identities are like 75% overlapped and there's not much room left in them for their individual differences.

But he wouldn't be interested in any of those listed traits if they were in somebody other than San.

(Ni is capable of being "interested" in other people—but it's 50% "I'm interested in you as a friend" and 50% "We, Ghidorah, currently in a mood to feel like an individual instead of like three people, are together interested in you romantically." Ghidorah slides back and forth between being "three-in-one" and being "one-from-three."

San's tastes are covered pretty thoroughly in the post about why he (and the rest of Ghidorah) is into Gigan:

https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/186622638902/more-on-the-relationship-between-gigan-and

Beyond all the reasons San likes Gigan that Ichi & Ni share—his skill in & passion for violence, his familiarity with what it's like to be an unwilling war weapon—he also likes his sense of humor, his ability to appreciate and revel in little details the way San does... and, probably more importantly than anything else, Gigan represented a way out.

All this time, Ghidorah has kept together and remained... if not "stable" in the sense of "emotionally healthy," then "stable" in the sense of "maintaining a mental balance well enough not to fall over"—but they're stable like a tightrope walker who's gotten really good at maintaining that balance on their tightrope, not like somebody who's standing on solid ground. And they maintain that balance through isolating themselves, never letting themselves get attached to any place or any thing or any one, never letting themselves linger in one spot for long, always moving on, on, on, on, back into space. They're that meme "If I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair."

Which is all well and good, except "avoiding connecting with anything" does not adequately keep San's mind occupied, and the only reason he hasn't fallen into a bottomless pit of despair is because he's got two other people in his head just barely tugging him back from toppling in. But he's desperate for... a sense of continuity, a sense that he can invest something in life that won't vanish in three days, a sense that anything matters. He wants desperately to connect to something else—or someone else.

Gigan offers that connection—Gigan is someone safe they can connect to, because he has the same lifestyle as them. He's someone that San can let in... without them having to change their life at all.

So, that's what he's attracted to that sets him apart from the other two: he's attracted to escape routes. He falls for someone who can anchor them so they don't keep tumbling off into space, from world to world and apocalypse to apocalypse. He wants someone who can be an excuse for them to stop and hold still. Someone who's compatible with them, someone who's just like them, someone who burns worlds the same way they do, but is capable of wrapping their arms (wings? tails? whatever) around Ghidorah and holding them in one place—whether that's "one place" physically or emotionally.

He's just tired of floating through outer space in asteroids.