#like you don’t get to be transphobic just bc you say ‘well they’re men so men can’t be oppressed’

[roman-roy-apologist]

yeah ok i get it you don’t think transandrophobia exists but you do realize that it’s still bad to be shitty to transmascs right? you get that right?

[will80sbyers]

THANK you, bisexuality has always meant attraction regardless of gender 🙌 people can call themselves what they want of course and every pan person I’ve met has always been well-meaning but sometimes it annoys me that we have to keep clarifying this�� bisexuality is attraction regardless of gender, there’s definitions of bisexuality dating all the way back to the 70s that state this… meanwhile pansexuality was coined Way later and it was initially defined as ‘attraction to men, women and trans ppl’ which implies trans ppl are another category not included in regular labels, which is so transphobic. I know the definition has shifted to many things now in an attempt to not be transphobic but all any new definitions keep doing is implying the other labels are something different than they are. Like saying pan is for when you’re also attracted to nonbinary ppl? Wrong, anyone can be attracted to nonbinay ppl, including straight ppl, bc you can’t tell if someone is nonbinary by just looking at them… There’s no need to create an entire new label for the inclusion of nonbinary ppl when other labels never excluded them in the first place... Or saying pan is when gender is not a factor in attraction whereas bi is when gender IS a factor? Well attraction doesn’t work like that, it’s not a mathematical equation, and also here we have again a case of the pan label redefining other labels in order to define itself. Anyway sorry for this rant bc you probably already know this. I really don’t want to upset pan ppl and I think they can obviously call themselves whatever they want, if the word pan feels more like them then obviously that’s beautiful❤️ I’m just pretty tired of anyone trying to redefine MY label in the process of trying to define their own. Like bisexuality is attraction regardless of gender and if that’s how you understand pansexuality then congrats, they’re the same, and don’t yell at me to “get educated”, educate yourself first, I ask this kindly… Anyway. I know they mean well so I feel like an asshole but this has been bugging me and many of my bi friends for a while. If this hurt anyone I’m sorry but I’m tired of having to bite down my frustration in being misunderstood all bc it might hurt pan ppl meanwhile no one cares if it hurts ME to be misunderstood like this. I hope the pan ppl reading this know this: I rlly don’t hate you , we are siblings in queer solidarity, I love you, but please try to understand us❤️

And Dani thank you for making me feel heard ❤️

Yesss absolutely, same I have no problems with people that feel like the pan label is more appropriate for them but I think it's important to remember that bisexuality has always included us non-binary and trans people... and also all the other micro labels of bi+ like "regardless of gender" or with varying degrees etc etc are all under the bisexual umbrella, that's inherently included and I don't feel any need to go outside of the bi definition even with all the stereotypes on our community that may make us want to not take that label to avoid being stereotyped as cheaters or evil etc

Personally the label that feels most me is bisexual and I love it, glad to know you're feeling heard!! Always be proud ✨

[hp-hcs]

Not really a request but holy crap your nb blaise fic was absolutely amazing hell yeah ill integrate that into my belief system. Do you have any other hcs about that bc it's super cool

(more) nonbinary! blaise zabini headcanons — a (sort of) part two to my fic uniforms

there’s a lot, so i’ve divided them up into sections and subsections

also i’m tired and it’s late if there are any typos shhh no there aren’t

~ 𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤 ~

they’re better at makeup than you, hands down

isn’t blaise like canonically (aka, the actor) 6’3”? well anyways, they wear heels. they don’t need them, but they own six inch stilettos and won’t miss a step. absolutely strutting on the moving stairs while everyone watches like “how the fuck—”

(if you ask why they wear them, their answer will always be “so i can step on men, duh”)

~ ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕦𝕥 ~

• mrs. zabini •

their mom is hella supportive!!!

one of her definitely-not-murdered ex-husbands mysteriously went missing after making some joke at blaise’s expense

no, mr. auror, i haven’t a clue how my husband ended up at the bottom of the black lake with the word ‘transphobe’ magically carved into his forehead what that’s crazy

�� slytherin squad™️ •

draco: shouts “i knew it!!!!” and runs off to go get his money from whoever he bet against

theo: could not give less of a fuck. i kinda hc theo as being fluid or at least apathetic to their own gender, so it’s all love & support over here!!

mattheo: needs it explained a couple times, but once he gets it, he never messes up their pronouns and will fight any bitch who does

pansy: absolute queen. she will d r a g them to diagon alley to go shopping with her and will buy them their first personal makeup palette. we stan.

enzo: already knew. knew like, two years ago. when they come out, he’s just like, “oh!! i’m so happy you finally figured it out!! i’ve been waiting for you to say something for ages!!!!”

• adults •

dumbledick: completely ignores their pronouns bc all slytherins are evil and he’s definitely not biased or anything

snape: is an asshole about it.

voldemort: would be like 🧍‍♂️“ok but ur still one of my death eaters right?”

narcissa: does that one fake polite smile and nod that every white mom is capable of. “how lovely, dear.”

bellatrix: man, bitch is crazy. who even knows

tonks: AGGRESSIVELY supportive

• golden trio (& co.) •

harry: gets into an argument with the slytherins and calls blaise “he”. draco’s ready to beat his ass, but blaise just calmly explains their gender identity and harry apologizes, then goes back to arguing with them, ✨respectfully✨.

ron: (what no i’m definitely not a blairon shipper shut up) immediately switches to strictly gender-neutral language and goes out of his way to ask them what terms/compliments/etc they’re comfortable being called.

hermione: hot take! i hc her as a closeted lesbian with internalized homophobia, and i think she’d try to make an argument about “bUt ThEy iS pLuRaL”.

neville: cutie pie!! he just nods and is like “okay! 🥹🌱”

ginny: doesn’t give a fuck. blaise is on the slytherin quidditch team, and damn if you think she isn’t going to do everything in her power to continue trying to beat them

luna: sagely nods like it was obvious. “oh, the nargles already told me.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

comments are always appreciated!! the author thrives off encouragement, like a toddler being given a gold star sticker!!!

[transenbyconfessions]

Tw // Queer infighting, slur mention, suicide bait

I’m so sick and tired of how people treat trans guys. Just guys in general.

I have a classmate who, when I first met them, was still closeted so a gay “guy” (they’re nonbinary). I was out as transmasc, still nervous about it. They hadn’t known very many trans people, but they did really well about it. We chatted occasionally, they apologized and corrected whenever they misgendered me, they put effort into not calling me ‘girl’ bc it was a filler word for them like how I use dude, gushed over my top surgery. Early on it was a lot of “ohymgosh I’m soo sorry I don’t want to offend you!!” And me going “nbd, it takes a bit to get used to! Thanks for putting effort into it :)”

And then they came out as non-binary. I was really happy for them at first, but the way they act towards me (and honestly also everyone else) has just.... gotten so much worse since then. They call people - people they’ve been friends with!! Other trans people!! - transphobic for accidentally misgendering them even when the person immediately apologizes and corrects themselves. Like I totally get being sensitive about it, but when you’ve been out for less than a month.... there’s an adjustment period. It sucks, I know, but they’re not doing it on purpose. One time I disagreed with them, I don’t even remember what it was over, it didn’t even have anything to do with gender, and they got huffy and said “I’ll post on Twitter that you’re nonbinaryphobic!” Like???? My good person I am Also Non-binary. And they always pass these things off as jokes when people call them out but like. It’s really obvious that they’re not.

Even worse, they’ve completely fallen down the “kam” hole. They talk about how “all men are shit/need to die” just.... in front of everybody!! They’ll say it straight to the faces of the guys in the department, especially the ones they know won’t say shit back. They’ve been particularly targeting one of the freshmen (a cishet guy) they’re constantly saying shit about him being “stupid worthless man” and even called him a faggot???? Like Hello what the Actual Fuck do you think you’re doing????? They’ve said shit like that to him and one of my best friends, both cishet guys, both some of the most respectful people about me being trans that I’ve ever met. It makes me so furious that I start physically shaking.

And on top of all that, whenever I try to steer the conversation or defend the guys, they start talking shit to me too. It got to the point they looked me dead in the eye and said “all men should die, and you’re a shitty man too.” Which is especially fucked because I’m not!!! Even a man!!!! And they know that!!! But transmasc is close enough to tell me to die with the rest of the men, I guess. It was such a slap in the face that I couldn’t even respond, I stare. But they went on later, chatting and acting friendly as if they hadn’t told me straight to my face they think I should be dead.

We’re going on a school trip soon, and I got roomed with them, presumably because we’re the only two trans people going. Just thinking about it makes me so nauseous, I’ve already had a panic attack over being alone with them for that much time. But I don’t feel like I can intrude on asking to switch with anybody, because I’m trans and I could make them uncomfortable. and I just can’t make myself prioritize my comfort over others. Anybody else who rooms with them will get shit too, and as another trans person, I can defend myself against the bullshit they say better because it’s all amateur radfem-lite rhetoric. And I‘m probably the only other student who knows enough about queer theory and infighting to fire back. So i guess I’m just.... the sturdiest punching bag. After everything they said about being excited to talk to me about being trans!!! After all the effort I’ve put into being the first to come out in the department and help my professors and peers not be uncomfortable and tip-toe around me being trans!!!! I feel angry and betrayed and sad and scared and it’s so, so fucked up. I can tell they’re doing this because they’re scared and angry but it’s making things so much worse. And now I’m stuck playing both damage control and emotional meatshield. I hate this, but I can’t stand by and just watch either. I’m so tired.

Submitted July 13, 2023

[solacesque]

hi hehe i see ur tags & its opportune bc i was wanting to ask u anyway, how would u describe bavecs gender situation? if u feel like getting into it! 🖤

omg well. for starters, i think gender in skotia tends to be very binary and normative, very quintessentially victran. there just isnt room or thought given to living outside of that binary. women’s and men’s roles are structured, and culturally honestly more heteronormative than transphobic necessarily? i don’t remember how much it came up in conversation, but pious and bavec’s relationship ended in part because queer relationships are viewed as inherently childish and silly and something only kids are allowed. adulthood is marrying and having children and cultivating community through nuclear family, and certainly part of that requirement within the cult structure is because it is easier to manipulate people when they have children, and it’s simpler to maintain that status quo through nuclear heteronormativity. and u know cult tactics. you can only marry who we say, you can only be with who we allow, etc. anyway all of this is to say bavec’s gender is just another reflection of discomfiting repression in their community. bavec isnt a woman so they can’t marry pious and have kids. they aren’t a man but that’s kind of how they’re perceived by their community in the “well if u arent a woman i guess u have to be a man bc those are the roles available in our community” but they ARENT a man and don’t want to live as one and so on and so forth.

and all of this is to say i think their gender situation is very complicated for them! now they know people who live outside that victran norm (casper, charmain, etc) but for a long time they were isolated from adult queerness, and didn’t know exactly who or how they could be.

basically their gender is kind of a metaphor

[teyums]

since in the last post you told us about your hometown and yourself. take this one as a chance to tell us about your interests! your likes and dislikes, opinions, and just whatever you feel like.

say what's on your mind! ;)

-☘️

i love how when i’m asked basic questions about myself i completely forget who i am, this took some time 💀 also clover anon ily!

(putting a read more for those who don’t want to scroll)

likes!

- I’m obsessed with jewelry. When i say obsessed i mean obsesseddd. Both my arms are always dressed with lots of beaded bracelets. There are 12 on each arm currently. And i got them from a market here in West Africa! some from last time I visited and others from this current visit as I bought a bunch more recently. they’re all natural stone beads. I never take them off, i sleep in them, shower in them they’re basically my second skin. i have three waist beads on my waist. I wear a pearl anklet on each leg and I usually have one certain necklace i keep on for months at a time before I switch it out with another. If i’m going to play volleyball or something, i’ll remove my bracelets so I won’t break them. But I put them back on right after bc i feel naked 💀

- I love piercings! I’m very expressive through jewelry on my body. I believe I have 13 last I counted. Four on one ear, three on the other. My first lobes are gold guages, but I like to mix silver and gold jewelry. My belly button, two nostrils, a septum, my ashley (middle of the lip), my smiley, and I used to have my tongue pierced but i swallowed it LMFAOO

- i’m such a foodie i don’t think i’ve had a food i don’t like and i’m not picky at all i love trying new things. but spaghetti takes the cake for my fav (simple i know) i also really like sushi!

- i love rain, don’t like getting wet though lol

- SQUISHMALLOWSSS

- favorite colors are pale green or forest green, soft purples, and burnt oranges!

- i love animals. my favorites are my two kitties, but i also have a dog and a bearded dragon who i also love

- I LOVEEE lemonade. Literally cannot last more than two days without lemonade in my house. That and water is all I drink lol, i’m not a big soda person.

- I love to write, have been doing it since I was in middle school. As cringy as it sounds it is like an escape lol. Just give me wifi (for dictionary and thesaurus) and my notes app and you won’t hear from me for a while.

dislikes!

- i hate ignorant people like anyone should. that includes any of the “phobes” and “ists” (that are bad). transphobes, homophobes, racists, fascists, ableists. you name it i hate it lol

- loud noises. i do not do well with loud noises at allll. makes me very anxious and for some reason angry?? this also applies directly for heat. even right now, i’m in my grandma’s room because it’s quiet and cool lol

- men ❤️. although i have been cursed with being attracted to them. so maybe i should say men who AREN’T fictional

interests

- to start with the obvious one, i have been obsessed with avatar since 2009! yes me, as a 6 year old, sitting there with my eyes covered by my parents’ hands when that scene of jake and neytiri came on screen. (we have the extended movie on blu-ray). that did not stop me from looking up exactly what happened on youtube and going down the rabbit hole that still has not ended. 😭 I’ve watched the first hundreds of times with my dad, so when we found out the 2nd was coming out we actually almost shit ourselves

- often confused with avatar, one of my favorite series is avatar the last airbender. after long debate with my sisters we have decided i would be an earthbender like toph (queen!!! also the name of one of my cats <3)

- i’m very spiritual. i like to meditate, sage and incense my room multiple times a week. I’m very cautious about who i allow around me because i do believe energy is easily transferred. I’m a great judge of character and can often tell if a person is good spirited or not.

- i’m a very opinionated person. anytime something is up for debate best BELIEVE i will be there to shout my opinion from the high tops. some people hate that about me, some love it, but hey i am who i am!

- was a monster high fanatic until like 14 i can’t even lie to y’all but anybody who liked monster high is a bad bitch now sooo

- late last year i picked up crocheting, really fun once you get the hang of things! i was over the moon when i made my first tote bag you couldn’t tell me anything 😭

[butchviking]

bless u i wasnt even really talking abt practical applications right here - more just lamenting that ppl get too caught up in the squabble to ever actually move on to that conversation - so thank u for dragging my ass out of the squabble and onto the practical applications conversation!!

first off i will say i totally agree on the addition of a third option for bathrooms/locker rooms/etc. however i would cut u short on ‘if that’s not possible-’ yes it is! it absolutely very simply is. if there’s space for two locker rooms but no space for a third, then both of those locker rooms can be turned into closed-off lockable stalls (with the lockers themselves just outside so people can get what they need from their locker, go change, and then put anything they need to back in their locker). i get why you’d say women are more vulnerable and thus need the protection more - and i get that women are your priority as a feminist. but for trans activists, trans people are the priority, and to repurpose the men’s space and have a women’s and a unisex, would do absolutely nothing to protect trans ppl. any vulnerable transwomen would still be sharing with violent men, passing transmen would be sharing with violent men, and women would still have the same single-sex space they would have had in the first place - no-one would be any safer at all.

for your second point - ok let me just first say that idk where this idea came from that its soooooo insanely rare that transwomen pass. i think either some ppl are seeing very biased snippets of what trans ppl in the real world tend to look like or are just. idk, underestimating how unobservant a lot of people are? i’ve hung out in group settings w transwomen and seen how absolutely shocked some ppl are to find out that they’re trans. like even when it’s seemed kinda obvious to me - and it isn’t always even obvious to me, even when i was around trans ppl like all the time & considered myself very good at noticing other trans ppl. it’s really not as rare as u think! i think this misconception might hve smthn to do with that old addage of “oh, you don’t know any trans people? yes you do. you just don’t know they’re trans.”

hmm u posted this like at the very same instant i responded to an anon & it’s funny, we both brought up the concept of “misdirected x”. but i brought it up to mention that i’m glad we dropped that framework, because it never really held up to scrutiny for me. if a straight guy is beating on another straight guy bc the second guy was too effeminate and came off as gay, i would actually argue that that’s just plain ol’ homophobia. i’d say that in this way, straight people can experience homophobia and males can experience misogyny. because if you tell that first guy, ‘oh, no, this man you’re beating up IS actually a heterosexual!’ it’s not like he’s gonna say, ‘oh shit, my bad! never mind!’. he’s still gonna be like well he seems faggy to me. and the same is often tru of transwomen - the guy isn’t always going to stop just bc he finds out that person is actually male. maybe if it’s a catcall, he might get freaked about gay implications and try nd take it back, probably switch from misogynistic agression to transphobic instead. but especially if it was smthn non-sexual, he really might not. some people actually are still sexist to transwomen even when they know they’re trans.

it’s a very messy subject & that’s why i do think, as i was saying in my response to that anon i mentioned, we can’t necessarily pack it all up in neat little terms that cover everything. i don’t think we can say misogyny is entirely sex-based in practice, even if it is in theory and even if the reason for the existence of patriarchy in the first place is to control women as a sex for their reproductive abilities. idk. perhps i need to think this one out more, figure exactly how i’d describe these situations. perhaps i’ll just remain content to describe things exactly how i am now: long-windedly and a little confusingly. but, ultimately, whatever you want to call it, as long as we can acknowledge it happens we can move forward.

but yeah, i’m completely with you in your conclusions. feminism would absolutely help trans ppl - transmen for obvious reasons, and transwomen in that no-one would be directing any misogyny at them if there was no misogyny. hell, in my imaginary gender-abolitionist feminist utopia i think all of trans ppls problems would be more or less completely solved anyway. i’m also absolutely with u that it’s not women’s/feminist’s job to solve trans ppls problems for them. u know i’m always going on abt how bad i want trans activists & feminists to work together on common goals, and i do want that so so badly, but not all of our goals are common goals and each group has their own respective fights too. i would never ask a feminist to prioritise solving transphobia above her fight for women’s lib, and i would never ask transmen to abandon their fight for trans rights because women’s lib should be enough for them or something.

i think it is quite stupid when someone says 'if oppression is entirely sex-based then what about trans people who pass as the opposite sex' and people say 'well that doesn't happen very much especially not for transwomen'. answer the question buddy

[nothorses]

do you have advice/starting points for learning about radfem ideology & how to spot it in the wild? maybe a weird question, but i'm a trans guy and i've noticed i'm getting kinda hypervigilant about terf/transandrophobic red flags & seeing them in innocuous stuff (idk if you're on twitter but rn there's lots of posts about how all women live in constant fear of male violence and I flinch every time I see that sentiment bc it pings my transphobe radar which I feel rly shitty about!) (1/2 sorry)

(2/2)  I feel like knowing concretely what radfems believe and how that manifests might help me be a bit more chill. However, I’m wary of just googling bc I don’t want to expose myself to a bunch of openly transphobic scholars, so if you have any pointers that would be great! 

The core of radfem ideology, from what I understand, is the belief that it’s men who are responsible for the oppression of all women.

Other forms of feminism will generally point the finger at patriarchy as a system, and often acknowledge that patriarchy negatively impacts all genders in different ways- and, of course, to different extents (this really varies between movements, though, and some are better than others.)

That “men are the oppressor class” belief is rooted in gender essentialism; the idea that genders have essential qualities to them that are, if not shared 100% of the time, at least common enough to justify this kind of stereotyping. There are differing beliefs about why genders share those qualities: classic misogyny will usually say it’s biological, as will TERFs and other bio-essentialists, while “trans-inclusive” gender essentialists might say it’s about socialization. Whatever the case, it’s fundamentally hostile to trans experiences, as well as intersectionality with other oppressed groups- particularly people of color.

If you’re seeing “men don’t realize that a loud male voice is the scariest thing in the world for a woman” posts, or “it doesn’t matter how safe a man actually is if you’re a woman walking alone at night” posts, that’s generally coming from radical feminism to some extent.

That doesn’t make the feelings expressed in that post wrong, and it doesn’t make the person posting it transphobic. Oftentimes, those things are posted or shared by people who may be grappling with a trauma they’ve leveled at men as a gender, and who feel justified in never challenging it. They tend not to think about the implications those feelings have for trans people, or men of color, who suffer the most for a white cis woman’s fear of Scary Dangerous Men. 

Sometimes those things are shared without much thought, because it’s everywhere, it’s easily digestible tidbits of “feminism”, and they feel like they’re helping.

And sometimes it’s a TERF, a transphobe, and/or a racist trying to gain a platform and pull more people into their ideology.

It’s understandable to be wary, and I think it’s less about memorizing a list of red flags/dogwhistles, and more about learning how they think. If you understand their ideology, you can avoid it even as they change tactics to go unnoticed again.

A lot of the people posting and sharing these things have just memorized some red flags and done none of the work to challenge radfem ideas on a fundamental level, and that’s why you see them around so much in the first place.

[tundrainafrica]

i really thought hange was non-binary bc the one who said hanges gender was up for interpretation was kodansha us but isayama asked for gender neutral pronouns right?

here!

I’m gonna answer all of the gender asks in one go because for one, I don’t think I wanna flood my own feed and my own tumblr with the same arguments. 

I think a lot of the questions on Hange’s gender and the topic of  gender and sexuality overall are kinda intertwined and I feel like for anyone who actually reads my stuff, it’s better understood as one big wall of text. 

So I was wondering, is that song the absolute proof about hange's gender?

No. I think the interpretation of the song which people are using to prove that Hange’s nonbinary is very western centric. I actually did research around this song and knowing what I know about Japanese culture, I actually interpret the song as a way for Japanese people to break out from gender norms. 

For people who are not aware, Japan is incredibly strict with gender norms. The LGBTQ community is not as progressive as it is in Western countries (I mean gay marriage isn’t completely legalized yet). And just looking at it from the stand point of gender roles and gender expectations, despite the progressive thinking, there are a lot of things Japanese men and women have to conform to just to be respected in everyday society. Because in Japan, the community has always been more important than the individual and it’s honestly the same for most asian countries as well. 

A lot of the pressure of living in Japan, working with Japanese people is the pressure to conform and I’ve seen my friends do it through small things like getting bangs (because all Japanese women have bangs apparently), wearing make up when going out (because this is generally an accepted for all Japanese people) and always dressing your best because in that manner women are held to an incredibly high standard in Japan. And this goes similarly for men who are constantly pressured to be the breadwinner in the family. If your wife is making more than you, be ready to hear people talk. I know these expectations exist in a Western setting too but Japan is incredibly stiff as a society and this is one reason why, despite having numerous opportunities to moveto Japan myself, I am not at all entertaining that possibility. I have worked in a Japanese company and I hated it and moved to a western company right after six months. I have completely accepted the fact that there is no mobility career wise from a non-Japanese (and a woman at that) in Japanese society. 

In conformity, hierarchies etc, Japan is its own monster. That’s why when songs like Jibunrashiku, Hitchcock (by Yorushika) or Shisoukan (by Yorushika) come out, for one it’s in Japanese so I wouldn’t approach the songs from an English and as a Japanese speaker and someone who is pretty familiar with Japanese culture, I can’t help interpret that song as a social commentary for the shitty parts of Japanese society and how they tend to shoot the concept of an ‘individual’ down. 

But does that mean I completely shoot down the idea that Hange is NB? 

NO. Yams said so himself, Hange’s gender is unknown. But at the same time, Yams recognizes the fact that in the anime and in the live action, Hange is a female. If Yams were that adamant to make Hange NB, I think he would have at least made more of an effort to police how she is depicted in the anime and in the live action. 

 His exact words were:　「ハンジは彼（彼女）みたいな、ちょっと浮世離れした、枠にとらわれない自由な感じで描きたかったんです。」If I roughly translated it to English, “I wanted to draw Hange as someone otherworldly, free from the confines of gender.”

Tbh, I wanted to avoid these gender asks altogether but I’ve seen the environment in twitter and the ways many people approach gender, particularly ‘nonbinary’ or genderfluid and it really just doesn’t sit well with me. For one, what’s up with all these rules on how to approach our nonbinary and LGBTQ friends? What’s up with all these accusations that if we don’t follow them to a T, then we’re suddenly transphobic or homophobic? 

The fact that we’re creating all these rules on how to go about her nonbinary gender for one, just defeats the whole purpose of Hange being a free bird in the first place who wouldn’t have cared and who wouldnt’ ever have been confined to gender in the first place. 

I mean the establishment of set rules and social norms on how to navigate gender, sex, sexuality and gender roles is the reason why we had heternormativity in the first place. And what I can see, yes, we did get progressive, we did start recognizing other genders, other ways of thinking but the danger in all this is that, we’re once again creating frameworks and norms about how people that identify as these genders are supposed to act. And this defeats the whole purpose of why we recognized concepts of other sexualities, other genders and breaks from gender roles in the first place. 

We wanted to show these people that their feelings are valid, that the way they’re navigating their relationships and their identities are valid and the heternormative society we’ve lived in that has been condemning for so long, was flawed, was wrong. 

But the thing is, with the establishment of all these social norms on how to navigate our relationships with LGBTQ people and how to navigate our own gender, sexuality, sex and role is just making us regress back to that shitty heteronormative society of a hundred years ago. Because suddenly, everyone is questioning once again ‘How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m nb?” “How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m trans?” “How am I supposed to be feeling if I’m LGBT?”  

And we’re creating these abstract ideas of how exactly, being genderfluid is supposed to feel like. Am I really supposed to be going by ‘they?’ Am I supposed to be uncomfortable with CIS pronouns?

And If I don’t go through this process… If I don’t feel this way then maybe I’m not NB? Maybe I’m not Trans? Maybe I’m not LGBT? And if I don’t conform to this clear cut idea of what NB is which people set up for me, god forbid I might just be transphobic or homophobic. 

And Here’s the thing, everyone’s journey to self discovery is unique and there is no exact way to go about your gender or identity. I find it terrifying actually that creating all these clear cut rules have built misconceptions in so many people already on what they are supposed to feel like when they decide to identify with a certain gender which is no different from long ago when people had to hide the fact that they liked people of the same gender because god forbid they might just be persecuted for being gay. 

Creating these frameworks, these incredibly strict rules on how someone is supposed to navigate relationships with LGBTs and their own personal identities is only making it all the more dangerous for people who are in the process of discovering themselves. 

Back in college, I used to accompany a friend to a clinic when he was starting HRT treatments and before he started them, he had to consult with a doctor and the consultation lasted months. Before all that, they gave him a checklist of ‘feelings,’ which if he does experience them, he checks it and if he does check enough of them and agrees with a huge chunk of them, then he might have gender dysphoria and maybe the HRT treatments and sex reassignment was for him. It was a hundred item checklist,  pages full of waivers, warnings and questions about his own experiences with his gender identity. And the fact that he had to consult for months after on that? There must be a reason. 

Maybe because the academe realizes, maybe because those adept on the field on gender realize that gender is too complex of a subject to have been boxed into these categories in the first place. 

And this whole discourse or I wouldn’t say discourse more of like, this ‘pushing of agendas’ as to say, ‘this is how being gender fluid or non binary is supposed to feel like’ this is how being transgender is supposed to feel like and if you don’t fit it to a T then you’re not transgender or you’re not nb. Or if you don’t fit it all, maybe you’re just transphobic is dangerous for many reasons. Either it gatekeeps people who want to explore their gender further. Or it forces people to have to conform to these and force themselves to ‘feel’ all of these things in the first place. 

And god, this is just the gender issue, I haven’t even explored the sexuality, gender roles or biological issue.  

i mean pronouns are important but they don’t really reflect someone’s gender??? like there’s people who use he/they, she/they or all pronouns(? they just don’t conform to gender binary ahaha

Given the environment on twitter and having witnessed the bullying first hand that came with one writer who is active on twitter using she/her pronouns for Hange, I feel like my own writing and my own POV on how I go about my writing and how I approach the gender of Hange (since I strictly use she/her) might just be a ticking time bomb and I might find myself at the end of whatever hate war or ‘education’ or as I like to just refer to as bullying, one day. 

I believe though I at least have enough knowledge and awareness of the LGBTQ situation and I think I did put a lot of thought already into this before I made my decision to use ‘she’ to refer to Hange.

(And tbh, you can be nonbinary and you can be female at the same time and I’ve written about that multiple times already BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME CATEGORY. And creating this mutual exclusivity between being nonbinary and female just kinda invalidates a lot of those people who are still deciding where exactly they fall in this complex web of identity discovery)

As someone who generally mainly hangs out with LGBT people and i have been doing this since high school by the way, and as someone who has tried all the sexualities on the spectrum, I talked to my asexual friends about possibly being asexual, I have experimented with women and sometimes, I just had dry spells and it just so happened that in the end of all these, I fell in love with a guy but I really believe that gender is such a flexible thing and even though I am with aguy right now, I still simp over lesbians, gays, ciswomen, transgenders because simping isn’t about gender. 

And these set of rules on how to navigate genders is just invalidating the experiences of people who are flitting in between the two identities and it just hinders the process of self discovery for a lot of people. 

Anyway, the point is, there is only one statement I found fundamental when approaching my relationships with the LGBT community and my own perspective on my self identity. 

Recognition of someone’s feelings and their journey to a gender identity and the pronouns that come with it are important.

Then someone might go “THEN WHY DON’T YOU RESPECT HANGE’s NON BINARY PRONOUNS. Because just because someone is nonbinary doesn’t mean they automatically go for they. Just because someone is non-binary, doesn’t mean I have to use every single pronoun on the spectrum. The only one who can tell me what pronouns they want used on them is the person in question. 

(I actually read an argument somewhere that going for ‘they’ just because someone is NB is transphobic lmfao. Assuming someone’s pronouns is apparently transphobic too lmfao.)

AND HANGE IS FICTIONAL. And we will never hear about which pronoun she would have wanted in the first place and I think the great ‘nontransphobic’ in-between is just letting people interpret characters how they want to interpret characters in this fictional world (And Hange can be both interpreted as nb and female). It’s the policing which makes the whole process of self discovery, the process of navigating genders all the more difficult for a lot of people. 

And policing how exactly people should navigate gender and sexuality is just gatekeeping. Hange is everyone’s character. The only gender and sexuality identity people have complete jurisdiction on, is their own. And this policing of what exactly certain journeys to discovery are supposed to feel like is inherently harmful for those who are still in the process of deciding for themselves where they stand. 

And going back to what Yams said “I wanted to draw Hange as someone otherworldly, free from the confines of gender/sexuality/gender roles.” I agree with that. 

Because even though I do use ‘she’ with Hange, I do not firmly believe that Hange is a cisgender heterosexual female either. I just believe there are so many more layers to her whole identity and I believe similarly for every single person. Just concluding for one’s self that Hange is nonbinary with a very narrow minded view of what non binary just generally defeats the whole purpose of being ‘free from the confines of gender’ and hinders a lot of discourse and analysis on Hange’s identity over all.

I mean, I don’t know if people agree with this but in the decades I have spent with my close friends figuring out their gender identities, changing pronouns, transitioning, coming out to their parents, here is one thing I noticed. They weren’t asking for a celebration of their gender or sexuality, they weren’t asking for all these policing on how people should approach them. All they wanted was for their feelings to be validated, normalized as an everyday occurrence. I think the point of all these LGBTQ discourse (and by extension race and sex discourse) were all there to just make all these different identities normalized and to completely eradicate the concept of a negative bias or an other which was generally plaguing society for a long time. 

And as their friends, I have never approached them as this champion who would make sure EVERYONE RESPECTED THEM IN THAT WAY IN TWITTER THEY BELIEVE LGBTQ PEOPLE SHOULD BE RESPECTED. All these nonverbal rules I have set up for myself on how to go about being friends with them is because I wanted them to be happy and comfortable in their shoes. And what were the types of things they appreciated? Me hiding it from their parents until they were ready to come out, me helping make their relationship work with their partner, me respecting the pronouns they requested for themselves, me accompanying them to HRT when their parents refused. 

And you know what, that was only a facet of our friendships. My friends’ gender identities and sexualities never dominated discourse. None of them were the ‘token gay friend,’ the ‘token lesbian friend’ or the ‘token asexual friend’ or the ‘token NB friend.’ They were all people I genuinely care about who just happened to have fallen in love with someone of the same gender. They were just people who just happened to be uncomfortable with their original sex. But I would never just describe them as just that. My friend who just so happens to identify as assexual makes a great companion on a night out drinking. My friend who just so happens to be trasngender is really great with logistics and planning and was super helpful and I was eternally grateful when we worked together on that one project. My friend who just happens to be a lesbian has the cutest picture of her girlfreind on her phone screen. 

I will memorize their favorite orders, what makes them tick, what makes them such a great companion, their talents, capabilities more than I will remember their gender. And that’s the characetr song in question is called “Jibunrashiku” or in English “just like me.” Because in the end a strict society which creates all these maxims of what exactly people of a certain gender should act would of course birth songs like “Just like me” A society which puts so much emphasis on gender and sex  as an identity instead of other things like personality, preferences, skills etc. 

And I don’t know if it applies to everyone. But my friends appreciate it because this journey to whatever gender identity they chose wasn’t rooted in some sort of strict framework on how they should be treated according to twitter. It was rooted in their own experiences and how these experiences made them feel. 

Do they feel weird in a woman’s body? Do they just don’t feel any romantic attraction to the opposite gender?

Just treat them as how you would treat anyone else you respect. Just be a decent person. Just be a good friend.

Respect their requests for their own personal pronouns. If they need help, help them to the best of your abilities. 

And here’s the thing, the approach I use with navigating identities, sexuaities genders are rooted in one very simple concept which can be applied to the race discourse, the feminist discourse etc etc. 

Don’t be an ass. Respect people. Don’t reduce people to one facet of their identity. And by extension, when faced with such a dubious situation, think, discern for yourself what’s right or wrong. When there are people educating you, policing you on what is right or wrong, process that information objectively.  

All I have here right now is my own opinions on the gender discourse on Hange and my own opinions on the discourse overall. 

If you don��t agree with it, then have a nice day and I hope you find something else that will convince you to be more openminded but...

UTANG NA LOOB HUWAG LANG KAYO MAMBULLY NG TAO POTA. MAGHANAP NALANG KAYO NG IBANG PWEDENG GAWIN SA BUHAY MO. 

ANG DAMING NASASAKTAN ANG DAMING NATRATRAUMA ANG DAMING NAWAWALANG GANA MAGSULAT KASI DI KAYO NAG-IISIP. PURO TIRA LANG. 

Okay thank you for listening. Do what you want with the information up there but I have said my piece.

[roublardise]

my "Crowley isn't attracted to women" take

for @spnprideweek - day 2 - mlm

cw: dicussion of homophobia & transphobia all in all I wanted to highlight how canon gay Crowley is bc I love him 💕 thank u spn for Crowley even tho he deserved better

in the last weeks I've realized there's a huuge consensus in the fandom for pansexual Crowley. if you're pan or not and wanna hc Crowley as pan, power to you! but what's bothering me is the non-discussion of it all. the way it seems obvious for everyone. whereas, to me, Crowley has been canonically gay all this time.....

disclaimer: I'm aware Mark Sheppard alledgely said he saw Crowley as pansexual, however I can't even take these words for canon without context. Especially not when a year later he'd say Crowley's sexuality didn't matter. The way Mark Sheppard talks about characters' sexuality is more a "why are people making a big deal let them be" than "the character doesn't care." Moreover, actors pov can't be taken as canon imo. Jensen Ackles thought Dean straight for so long when Dean's been bi all this time as well. Sometimes actors are biased by their own experiences & stereotypes!

disclaimer #2: on god I don't wanna start discourse lmao. I just wanna share my silly thoughts about a tv show & question the way Crowley's sexuality is written in this silly homophobic tv show. don't @ me about what's making you think Crowley is indisputably pansexual bc I assure you I already know your points

That being said, here's why I think Crowley is a bear, a gay man, a trans gay man actually, a homosexual, who isn't attracted to women & some food for thoughts about why the unquestioned consensus towards pan Crowley could have roots in both homophobia & panphobia.

I don't think we can think of Crowley as your usual demon. We know too much about Crowley's life as a human, and the numerous ways in which he acts un-demony, almost humanly after. Considering him simply like a demon with no concept of gender preference who would be pan “by default” wouldn’t be right with his character. But we also can't question his sexuality in the exact same way we would a human's.

It also can't be thought in the same way as angels': as once-humans demons do have a concept of gender. Crowley especially cares a lot about his gender presentation and the way he's addressed. Not only does he literally sell his soul for a bigger d*ck as a human ; as a demon he uses the same vessel where other demons are shown to move once they had to leave one ; and for the few hours Crowley's possessing a woman, he clearly states he should still be referred to as king.

This will all be used for homophobic & transphobic jokes in the show, but I'll get back to that later on. Gender does matter to Crowley's identity, and I think it could be extended to his sexuality.

I've seen numerous descriptions of it all saying Crowley's sexuality was "ambiguous" and I guess it is, as he never explicitly used any label. However "ambiguous" doesn't mean bi or pan. It doesn't mean anything besides the fact we can't draw a clear-cut conclusion of his sexuality.

Imo we can actually draw a clear-cut conclusion of Crowley's sexuality but yeh, I'm getting there.

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Let's take a look at canon events around Crowley & sexuality!

His character introduction is him enjoying making a homophobe man kiss him for a deal

It is rumoured that he was a demon's lover (Lilith's)

He heavily flirts with Bobby

He french kisses Bobby for a deal and takes a pic

He never kisses a woman on screen (tell me if I forgot anyone!)

He flirts with every single man he sees, and even more strongly when it's making the other uncomfortable

The other parent of Crowley's son is never mentioned nor even brought up

He has two orgies that we know of

He has sex with a demon who's possessing a woman (Lola) when he was addicted to human blood

He dates, has sex with, and asks Dean to rule Hell with him. He's in love with Dean

On late spn he drinks fruity drinks

He flirts with and implies he had sex with an angel (Naomi)

He flirts with Death (Billie)

He's into BDSM

I'm not gonna go into details with all the sexual stuff he says bc there's a lot.... But it's always about gay sex. (once again, if I'm forgetting smth pls tell me nicely)

Now, with all that I'd like to question specifically the elements people use to say Crowley is canonically attracted to women.

He has two orgies that we know of

There’s the one Crowley has while he’s himself possessing a woman ; iirc it’s a foursome with two other men and one woman. Crowley still counts as a King, as the show makes sure we know, admitedly this dialogue implies we should still think of him as a not-very-manly-man.

Honestly, if one is convinced Crowley is attracted to women based on this scene.. okay. Personally I don’t see it because the orgy is unplanned, it’s an opportunity Crowley takes. Is he even attracted to the two other men?? Who knows. We don’t even know if Crowley even touches the other woman, there’re so many ways to have group sex. Even if he did, having sex with one woman doesn’t make it impossible for him to be homosexual.

The second orgy is with Dean. Crowley describes it then: “We've done extraordinary things to triplets.” It’s interesting how before I went to check, I thought it was clear the triplets were women. But not at all! I’ve been tricked by heteronormativity myself. So this is up to interpretation. Even though the way the show doesn’t make sure we know the triplets were women is pretty telling (as I’ll talk about later).

It is rumoured that he was Lilith's lover

Well, this is a rumour. In this relationship Crowley would know Lilith as a demon possessing a woman, and Lilith would know Crowley as a demon possessing a man as well. Who's even to say they met in their vessels to sleep together. That's the kind of cases in which the ambiguity of Crowley human/demon situation makes it impossible to draw any kind of conclusion towards Crowley's attraction to women. Also if anything Lilith is clearly a lesbian lmao.

He has sex with Lola when he was addicted to human blood

Same thing here, the relationship is one of demon/demon. Though we do now they do meet in their vessels to sleep together. Besides that, the sex happens while Crowley is at a low point. She's the one bringing him human blood, which makes the sex more of a transaction than anything. It does fit a very grey area of consent which would be fair to question.

We can't know for sure whether the demon possessing the woman was a woman as well, but let's say she was: 1/ Crowley having sex once or twice with a woman doesn't prevent him from being homosexual. 2/ What is he seeing if not a demon's true form? 3/ Wasn't he in a self-destructive mental state?

It's a stretch, imo, to assume Crowley was attracted to her.

He flirts with and had sex with Naomi / flirts with Billie

This one is so ridiculous to me bc Naomi is an angel and as a demon, Crowley sees her true form. We don't even know who was her vessel when they had sex.

The flirt thing is interesting however, bc iirc Naomi and Billie are the only "women" we see Crowley actually flirt with. During the orgies or the demon sex there's no flirt involved. It's interesting bc, as Cas would say: "Naomi's vessel is a woman. Naomi is an angel."

Same case for Billie who's a reaper then Death. Spn is pretty unclear about how the whole thing works but we know reapers are kind of angels. In any case, I won't go as far as saying Billie has any connection to gender.

Moreover, the way Crowley flirts with them is pretty light next to everything else Crowley says to men. It's pretty personal, I'm aware, but I do relate a lot with the way Crowley flirts with them VS how I flirt with men just because (and I'm a lesbian).

Anyway! Both Naomi and Billie are supernatural creatures, which brings the count of women Crowley flirts with to... zero.

-> What I take from all that is that Crowley is attracted to men for sure ; to angels and demons ; and doesn't care about the genitalia involved in the sex he has. We have nothing about the kind of relationships he had as a human. His gender presentation matters a lot to him. The only long-term commitment he has is with Dean. I wouldn't even say he had a committed relationship with Gavin's other parent bc we don't know anything about them.

----------------

But what's my deal with homosexual Crowley? One can wonder, if Crowley doesn't care about bodies, doesn't that mean he can still be written as pan?

No! First because sexual attraction isn't about genitalia (even if transphobes would argue the contrary but they're transphobic so...). And second, well....

I would refer to this point as "how do I know Crowley isn't attracted to women? bc Dean is"

I'm convinced that if the show wanted to write Crowley as anything other than a gay man, it would have been way more obvious.

This is a show who wrote Dean catcalling a faceless woman on the street, for no other reason than to remind the viewers Dean was attracted to women & to balance it with the following homoerotic scene.

One could say spn doesn't have lots of women characters to begin with, but that's my point exactly: when spn wants to show attraction towards women, they do find women for people to be attracted to. Hell, they even give Gavin some girlfriend but never ever bring up the topic of Gavin's other parent. Even though an entire episode is dedicated to learning about Crowley's past.

What's important to understand Crowley's sexuality isn't the people he slept with ; it's the people he doesn't show interest in.

The absence of something is the presence of the thing, blablabla. It's a way to look at homosexuality that heteronormativity makes hard to see because, unconciously, we don't tend to question attraction towards the expected gender. One would ask for a 10 pages essay on why a character is gay, but one would need only a 2 sec kiss to assure a character's heterosexuality or attraction towards the expected gender.

----------------

In Crowley's case, his attraction to men is a huge part of his character right from the beginning (thanks god, at least no one's questioning that). Spn as a show that hears what the fans are saying and twists writing accordingly, is perfectly aware of that. Yet rather than pushing women at him along the course of the show to remind everyone how Not Gay Crowley is - the opposite happens.

Yeh, Lola, Naomi, Billie, they all happen in the later seasons. But even then, the show somehow can't write Crowley as attracted to a human woman.

What happens then is: not only does Crowley fall for Dean ; he engages in some BDSM play with Lucifer : and he switches from drinking only the finest Scotch to fruity cocktails.

The BDSM thing as well as the drink thing are choices rooted in stereotypes, that's how spn is! But it does canonize Crowley's homosexuality. They're depriving him of his "masculinity" as the show goes on, because they purposely write him as homosexual. I don't think spn would have ever written a bi or pan character that way.

We learned a few days ago that Crowley died in a gutter. He died in a gutter for a bigger d*ck. I'm just gonna refer to Oscar Wilde & Mika on this : "some of us in the gutter are looking up at the stars."

The "referred to as king" scene isn't about Crowley being a demon and so not caring about gender - it's the opposite. Other demons are the ones poiting out Crowley's vessel. This is a transphobic joke. It's the demon edition of the "gay boy in a dress" transmisogynistic trope.

Viewers aren't supposed to be on Crowley's side ; we're supposed to be giggling with the other demons while Crowley is being emasculated. Crowley gets a woman vessel because he's a not-very-manly-man, because he's a trans man, because he's homosexual.

And I know that bc Dean is written as bi, and all they're doing is reaffirming the way he does like women while being extra subtle with his love for men.

Meanwhile Crowley is losing influence and power, loses his authority as he loses his throne in Hell, gets humiliated by Lucifer, until all his character revolves around is his love for Dean. The way Crowley is then protrayed as some lovesick ex who can't move on is, imo, a straight man fantasy. Crowley's love is both used as predatory and as a tool to validate Dean's Peak Masculinity.

Spn has been burying their gays all along, and Crowley was right there being punished for not only being in love with Dean but for not being attracted to women. For never being able to be a "normal" guy. For never being able to be seen as a "normal" guy. For checking every homophobic stereotypes in the books. Crowley as a human dies because he's a trans man. Crowley as a demon dies because he's homosexual.

----------------

That's what leads me to be uncomfortable with the way the fandom seems to have a consensus towards pansexual Crowley. (Once again: idc about people's personal hc of Crowley as pan, I just want to think critically about the way no one thinks twice about it & accepts it as canon so easily. Hell, just bc I dared to ask what started the pan Crowley confirmation I got accused of erasing his pansexuality. All I did was ask a question.)

To me, it feels like erasing everything his character went through because he was gay. And it seems to be taken from a reasoning which is going to assume Crowley is attracted to women.

I mean: the reasoning would go "oh, Crowley clearly has a non-straight sexuality -> he's attracted to men -> he's pan" His attraction to women being accepted by default, without needing any backup. And when I look at the canon I see nothing implying he'd be attracted to women. Taking Crowley's attraction to women for granted is following an heteronormative thinking.

Being into people isn't all about who one sleeps with. It's about love. And when we look at what spn shows about Crowley's close relationships, the only meaningful one he got is with Dean. When Rowena wants payback for Crowley making her kill Oskar, she goes for his son.

And it's SO interesting to me because if angels can't be in love because they don't have a soul - can demons? as they're beings with a destroyed soul? And if so, how powerful of Crowley to still fall in love with Dean Winchester.... the power of gay love :) (Crowley 🤝 Cas)

----------------

To conclude all this with some more stuff to think about if, like me, you love questioning everything:

While it's not wrong per se to hc Crowley as pan, it can be worth questioning what's making us so sure we collectively just vibe with it? To me there's a few things: - As I was saying: heteronormative bias - Crowley being a non-fully-human character - Crowley being masculine (despite the show's attempts to erase that) - Crowley being into BDSM - Crowley flirting and making sexual remarks in every context

These, unconsciously, gives a vibe of a character who's "outside" of the gender norm, not making big deal of their sexuality, not even questioning it. This creates this idea of "ambiguity" around Crowley's sexuality. The way Crowley particularly seems to be really chill about sex, is a demon (so what does he know about gender?), and heavily flirty, ... is what most people will link to pansexuality. That doesn't mean thinking of Crowley as pan is being problematic™ ; this means in western medias that's what fills the "pansexual character" imagery (like basically: the Jack Harkness type).

However, when we look at it like that, none of these elements are defining of pansexuality. None of them are excluding him from homosexuality. If not stereotypes.

That's where it gets personal ; but it does make me feel like the huge consensus towards a pansexual Crowley (when there is no clear-cut evidence of it) is erasing the complexity of homosexual experiences. As I said at the begining: I'm happy if pansexual people can relate to Crowley ; everone's free to headcanon. But saying Crowley is canonically pansexual is a stretch - and a take rooted in homophobic stereotypes.

Imo Crowley may have been created with all these traits pushing towards a pan reading of his character. However, as the show went, he was clearly written as a homosexual man. The changes in his portrayal took a turn to be specifically homophobic. He gets imagery that only strictly homosexual characters got (such as drinking fruity cocktails like Aaron. Meanwhile Dean, on the same scene, is allowed beer & whiskey.)

We're used to taking spn's homophobic rep and jokes to make it our own. Yet it seems, when it comes to Crowley, the fandom doesn't see it.

Sometimes people aren't attracted to the gender heteronormativity expects them to be attracted to.......... sometimes people are gay and it's not an umbrella term.

[tandytoaster]

It’s so weird to have my mother (seemingly) be like... an okay person. Given, I have no idea what it’s like at her house when I’m not there, but when I AM there things are nice, regular family shit.

On one hand it’s super confusing not having any closure. Confronting her on all the whack ass shit she’s done and said over the years WAS something I was going to do, I was going to do it in August but that’s when both she and Suzie Q got sick. And I was like. Damn if I go through with this it will kill her. Literally. So I didn’t and then in November was when Princess Fluffy got sick and when I found that cat that looked like Friskie in the marsh fields and I resumed contact.

Ever since pokemon sumo came out, I saw so much of my mother in Lusamine, like it’s fucked. A woman more concerned with her animals than her human children, her son rebelling and her daughter running away. Even down to the sumo vs usum discrepancy - with Lillie telling off Lusamine in the sumo but that Not happening in usum, yet everything is somehow okay after all that. Like, that’s ME, that’s MY LIFE. “Why is this happening, this woman was evil, why is she being nice”. With pokemon it’s a more simpler thing to comprehend since Lusamine is a character, it’s normal to question why writers would chose to redeem such a shitty person. But with ME? My mom is a whole person, a human being. So then the why turns to me, WHY have I let this woman back into my life after all the years of me saying I would escape from her. It’s complex in a human way that I don’t know how to describe, like it just makes sense. As humans, we want to be loved and wanted and to have connections, and the very first people we love are our parents and they’re supposed to love us. Obviously I can’t speak for every abused child, but a lingering feeling of “Why did you do this to me, you were supposed to take care of me” persists. And that can manifest as sadness or anger or resentment or fear or a wish to be loved like how we were supposed to be.

It’s incredibly mind boggling to witness her hear me out on things instead of telling me that she’s right and that I don’t know anything, it’s weird as hell seeing her EMPATHIZE with me and listen to me instead of telling me to get over it. I was telling her about the harry potter shit and bitchass rowling being a transphobe, to which my mother said, “See, now I don’t get that. That doesn’t effect her, why does she care at the defense of trans ppl. And the conversation continues and she mentioned some gnc people she sees around regularly or knew in the past and how she’s always worn men’s clothes and how clothing is just clothing. She was SUPPORTIVE in the way a slightly out of touch 45 year old is, some wrong or outdated terminology but otherwise at our defense. Then the conversation went to somewhere that prompted her to say, “Lesbians are the WORST they’re MEAN” and immediately I was like “You’re thinking of r*df*ms” and I explained what that was and how a lot of them happen to be lesbians but most lesbians are not a part of that mindset, it’s just that the r*df*ms are really flashy so they catch attention. And she repeated it back to me like, “Ohh so those people are just really loud. Yea that makes sense”, LIKE SHE LISTENED TO ME?? HEARD ME OUT?? First time in my goddamn life.

I was telling Christina about this the other day and they were like “holy fuck”, bc they’ve known my mom for years bc we’ve been friends since we were 7. Like they were FLOORED.

Another thing I think I caught the other day from my mother, I think she used my gf’s proper pronouns??? A lot was happening, so it was noisy but what I THINK I heard was, “When do you have to pick him up- Or, pick them up” (becc uses they/them around my family for now). I’m REALLY hoping I heard right because that’s another massive development, because since day 1 she was pretty rude about Becc. As well as the fact that my mom was a “there’s only 2 genders” person

Seeing all these positive changes is incredible but it comes with fear too. I’m worried it’s a tactic to reel me back in and she can start trying to control me again. Everything seems nice in the beginning but then goes back to how it’s always been. It’s scary because I don’t want to go through that shit ever again, but even scarier for me now is that I’ve been show respect and love and I don’t want to lose that. It’s like how I feel about 2019, it was the best year of my life and the happiest I’ve ever been, but we’re no longer in the world that was once 2019 and I think it’s cruel to be given something that makes me feel like how a normal person should feel, only to have it swiftly taken away. I’d rather go without ever knowing the feeling if it meant not having to endure the grief that comes with losing it.

I feel like a child coming up to their mother to show her the macaroni art they made so she can put it on the fridge. Look at what I made, look at what I can do.

I don’t wish this confusing mess upon anyone. Fucks with your head too much

[thedreadvampy]

like actually yeah PLEASE can we talk about how a lot of younger people in the queer community (and also some not younger people) seem to think that

a) visibility is the same thing as social power (both gay men and trans women have appeared regularly in media for decades of not centuries, usually as the butt of jokes; flaboyant queerness and gender nonconformity are often visible in media but that's generally been used to mock and target flamboyantly queer, GNC and trans people, not out of some sort of respect or social empowerment. Like representation and visibility are important tools to achieve social empowerment but they're also used to remove it and the fact that, say, there's more transfem characters than transmasc in media is not bc transfem people have social power it's because they've been considered a joke or a source of horror or a social deviance in themselves)

b) cis gay men, especially camp/gnc gay men, hold broad social privilege/are exaggerating when they talk about oppression (what are you on? what are you on????? broad social acceptance of male queerness has come on in leaps and bounds over my lifetime but you don't need to even look back as far as the early 2000s to see how many people in society hate and fear gay and bi men. right now! people are excluded from their families and communities because of the whisper of gayness! right now look at the world and tell me one person in a position of power who's a ~stereotypically flamboyant gay~ who's not a media personality. look at how quickly people jump to joking about homosexuality when they don't like someone. like gay men and bi men are still at exceptionally high risk of violence around the world! and I'm not just talking about the many countries which still have the death penalty or severe punishments for same-sex activity, although also YEAH WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THAT.)

c) just in general, that the social politics of the specific queer communities they move in are reflective of the world as a whole (like yeah ok maybe GNC gay men, butches and trans lesbians have all the clout in One Specific Social Media Sphere you move in. maybe everyone around you understands the nuances of nonbinary identity. maybe everyone uses the same language. but that doesn't mean that the social hegemony of the world at large privileges GNC people and trans people, differentiates between nonbinary and GNC, or cares what language you use to describe yourself. We've come a long way but sometimes I think we're at risk of getting complacent and losing our solidarity for other members of the community bc we project our understanding of the power dynamics of a small community onto the power dynamics of an extremely hierarchical society full of people who've only learnt trans people are a real thing in like the last decade and who've mostly known about queerness as a threat)

d) that "queer" and "LGBTQ+" are synonyms (this is a matter of opinion I guess but my opinion is they're NOT! Queerness as a reclamatory identifier is a political stance! It's inherently radical; it's anti-assimilationist, activist, community-focused and founded in confrontational pride in your """"deviance""""" (as well as being heavily but not exclusively associated with leftism, anarcho-socialism, and mutual aid). Not every LGBTQ+ person is queer and that's fine. and the power of queerness comes from the reclamation of homophobic and transphobic rhetoric. so like queer may not be a slur now (let's not get into that) but it's not just ahistorical to claim it never was a slur, it also robs the word of its political and reclamatory power. Gayness, transness, bisexuality, asexuality et al are statements of being; queer is a statement of intent.)

e) that anything is Just The Facts (identity is in a constant state of flux. so is language. and appeals to history ignore the fact that debates about language and queer politics are as old as the queer community - there's very rarely been total consensus on the minute nuances of language. and personal identity is in flux too - you're not lying if you said you were ace and now you say you're straight, if you said you were a lesbian and now consider yourself a gay man, if you said you were bi and now you say you're a lesbian. sexuality and community are messy and complex and personal and often change over time. nothing's locked in unless you want it to be)

f) that queer history started in the 2000s/the 90s/the AIDS crisis/Stonewall (the queer/LGBTQ+ community has had an activist and social history for centuries and the modern gay/queer solidarity movement goes back at least a hundred years. so does explicit oppression of those groups. you can't just point to the 90s and say Look The Beginnings Of Our History)

[janiedean]

Antis are in the r*dfem cult too and it's sad how almost half of an entire generation of young queer people got recruited into that

I mean... the problem is that they infiltrated a lot of spaces when they should have been shut off since the beginning and I really just hope people wake up to how toxic and generally shit they are at some point never mind that they're nowhere near progressive, but the fact that it happened is bad and the thing is that... basically anti-ism and terfism have an entire list of shit in common starting with wanting people to conform to whatever they think is the correct way of thinking, being antikink, being anti sexwork, othering anyone who tells them they're wrong, discouraging critical thinking and mostly wanting to police what people are allowed to like or not, and like that's why all those dumbass posts that were around ages ago like 'ah op was a terf so I'm cp-ing from them so that they don't get traffic' were like the most fucking stupid thing in existence

because like sorry if I go into a rant here but point is: you can't steal stuff from a terf and presume to repost it as an opinion you share because guess what you're still sharing a rdfem opinion which is most likely not harmless - what is going to cp posts from terfs saying all men are a scum of the earth going to accomplish? it's a shit rdfem opinion that you should criticize because it comes from that side of the fence, and it's not like you can say 'ah I disagree with rdfems about trans women/trans people/being gender critical but they're right on everything else' because just that means that automatically they're cutting out of the list of ppl they care of everyone that's not a rich cis(het) mostly white woman and I put (het) in the brackets because then they preach political lesbianism and go around saying wanting to be with men is being brainwashed by the patriarchy and like... that's not a thing you can pick and choose. it's shit thinking. it's like that time I argued with one who said that going back to separate gender schools would be super feminist bc apparently girls performed better in a same gender environment and boys performed worse so it would bridge the gap in society and like

that just shows you don't know how a sexist society works bc if society is sexist it doesn't matter if a woman is more competent than a man I mean didn't the 2016 us election teach ppl anything

separated genders schools means that you don't interact with ppl of the opposite gender your age regularly every day until you're 18 and like... not to be that person but if you don't have friends of the opposite gender then how are you gonna interact with the opposite gender when you're in university? like... all these people say men should be more understanding of women but how can they if they don't talk to any that are not related to them?

where do you send trans ppl in this scenario?

what about lgbt people in general surrounded by possibly homophobic/transphobic classmates?

also those schools tend to be private in general so what if someone can't afford it?

like basically such a thing only favors (in theory) girls who are well-off, not lgbt and I dare say not non-good looking bc I can swear an all-girls school if you don't conform to whatever's the ideal is not the place you wanna spend thirteen years of your life, but hey that's feminist! because we said so! and it sounded good! yeah no, it's not feminist it's like dumbass 50s rhetoric dressed to sound feminist and it's the same for all terf crap - like you can scream that you don't like surrogacy how much you want and it's a thing that should be discussed/regulated, but someone telling me surrogacy is a travesty bc 'motherhood is a fundamental part of femininity' which is what terfs say about it means implying that if you're not a mother you're not a full woman and that if you want to be a surrogate you shouldn't which in one go negates body autonomy (bc surrogacy is also that if someone chooses to do it out of their own free will) and says that any woman who can't have children or doesn't want to isn't a whole woman, which... they might think it's a clever way to say trans women aren't women, except it cuts off each single cis woman who's sterile, every single cis woman who like doesn't want to have kids and on top of that sounds like victorian age bullshit bc what the fuck we spend the entire 20th century making the point that having children was a choice and a woman wasn't useless if she didn't have any and in 2021 we're sprouting this? like fuck that, and let's not even go into the antikink stuff because saying that if you like something in bed then the patriarchy influenced you OR it means you're not okay or whatever then it turns into whatever crap antis say about ppl being sick in the head for writing kink which is like not anything that makes any sense whatsoever and guess what you get sucked in like that and then you turn into the kind of idiot who agrees with trump/the american right wingers that you should have guards at public bathrooms to make sure trans ppl don't access the one of their gender and like.... sure, as a woman I feel so much more threatened by a trans woman using the stall next to me than by idk a guard feeling me up to make sure I'm a cis woman before I can use the bathroom, suuureeee /sarcasm

tldr: terfism is backwards right wing ideology dressed up as feminism and that people fell for it like this is a disgrace but I'm nowhere near suprised that terfs ended up recruiting antis or that antis ended up being terfs, bc it's the same kind of bullshit thinking and if you don't wonder why you're sharing the ideas of someone whose ideas you technically loathe then good luck not getting sucked in into cults like that :/

[yikesharringrove]

Umm, I accidentally deleted the request for this while moving it to my inbox, so here it is. (Also this is like, four months old).

I’m gonna rec this fic which is super well written and adorable

Steve is ftm. (Personally, I’m not a big fan of mpreg unless it’s like, biologically plausible 🤷‍♀️)

Under the cut bc it’s long and there’s a little bit of smut.

-

Billy’s hands were shaking as he raced out of the house.

He had a bag slung over one shoulder, had already put two others in the Camaro.

His dad had gone in hard today. Three days after Billy graduated high school and he’s already calling him a deadbeat, a fuck up. Telling him to get a job like he hasn’t worked every summer and most weekends since he was fourteen.

He lit a cigarette as he slid into the driver’s seat.

He was gonna make one stop on the way outta town.

-

Steve had given Billy a spare key months ago, after he was tired of always having to go downstairs and answer the door.

He liked it when Billy just made his way up, started kissing whatever skin was already exposed and asking Steve if he’s wet.

Tonight, Steve thought, was no different.

Billy was kissing up his calf, mouthing along his knee, a few fingers creeping up the leg of his shorts.

Billy was the best sex he’s ever had. Not a lot of gay guys will go down on Steve, some won’t even fuck him. He had been real hesitant to tell Billy, start having regular sex with his best friend, because he didn’t think Billy would want anything to do with him when he knew what he was bringing to the table.

But Billy had told him not to be an idiot, ate him out, and pounded him into the mattress.

And Steve was in love.

So he let Billy fuck him whenever he pleased, because at least Billy was giving him the time of day, at least he was getting some.

He opened his eyes, smiling lazily down at Billy.

“‘Time is it?”

“Almost two.” Billy was curling two fingers into his waistband, slowly pulling down his shorts, like maybe Steve wouldn’t notice.

Steve lifted his hips, and Billy whipped off his shorts, diving right in for his pussy.

He ate him out with the same fervor he did everything. Making all these gross slurping sounds, sucking on Steve’s cock and shoving his tongue inside him.

He made Steve cum twice on his face, as was the norm, before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, and getting right to business.

He fucked Steve like he was mad at him.

He often did. And Steve knew he wasn’t mad at him, moreso mad at the other him, the him that’s ruined Billy’s life since before he was even born.

Steve wasn’t as dumb as everyone thought. Knew that when Billy snuck into his bedroom at odd hours of the night and absolutely ravished him, something bad had happened with his dad.

So when Billy finally rolled off of him, and lit a cigarette, Steve knew better than to ask.

“I’m leaving.” Steve just hummed at him. Billy sometimes stuck around after sex.

But Billy didn’t move.

“Like, leaving Hawkins.” Steve just hummed again. Billy talked a lot about leaving Hawkins. Steve had always secretly dreamed of running away with him. 

Billy just studied his face in the dark, stubbing out his cigarette and rolling over to hols Steve close to his chest.

Steve closed his eyes, let himself pretend.

Pretend that Billy loved him back.

-

He woke up to rustling, Billy getting dressed to leave as weak sunlight began to trickle through his curtains.

“Oh shit, didn’t mean to wake you.”

He smiled lazily at Billy.

“You comin’ back over tonight?” Billy looked stiff.

“Probably not. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah. Later.” Billy was sitting on the end of his bed, had just finished tying on his boots.

And then he moved, quick as a flash to kiss Steve softly before he was thundering down the stairs.

Steve was just falling asleep as the Camaro roared away.

-

Billy had skipped town that night.

And Steve never forgave himself.

-

Steve was leaning over the counter, his head pressed into the cool top of it.

“I threw up all last week, and I just feel like shit.” He had been whining to Robin practically all morning at Family Video.

“Do you think you have the flu?”

“I don’t know, Rob. I mean, my stomach hurts a lot, but like, it feels like I’m just having awful cramps.”

“Are you on your period?”

“Nah. Don’t get it very often with the hormones anymore.”

“Normally I’d suggest pregnancy, but I know you’re in a bit of a dry spell.” He rolled slightly to look darkly at her. “Still no word of Billy?”

“No. The one person in Hawkins that isn’t too transphobic to fuck me, and he skips town.” Steve sighed. “I should’ve known, too. He was being super weird that night.”

“Whatever. When you and I skip town, we’ll have the time of our damn lives, and get you laid.” He laughed softly.

“I’m just gonna go to the doctor this weekend. Get a full physical.”

“Let me know the verdict at and I can come over with some medicine, if you need.”

“Thanks, Rob.”

-

Steve was lying back on the stiff exam table.

He had already given blood and urine samples, and was just waiting for the doctor to tell him what the fuck was wrong with him.

Sometimes his hormones had to be adjusted, and caused all sorts of weird shit to go haywire in his body.

Dr. Mauch was a kind woman, always been pleasant and accepting of Steve, even referred him to an endocrinologist for his hormones.

She didn’t smile when she came in, though. Just sat down at her stool.

“I’m going to go out a limb here and say that this is not news you’ll be happy about hearing.”

Steve felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“You’re pregnant.”

He blinked.

“No.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. But you most definitely are.”

“But, but I’m on blockers, and testosterone, and I haven’t had sex in months.”

“I’d say about six months.” His mouth was dry. Billy had left in late May. About six months ago. “And being on hormones is not an effective method of birth control. Some men still get pregnant after taking them.”

“I’m not, I don’t look pregnant.”

“Some people don’t really show their pregnancy. My sister was rail thin the entire time, had a perfectly healthy baby girl. It’s all about your body type.”

“So, so you’re telling me, that I’m six months fucking pregnant.”

“Yes.” He slumped back onto the exam table.

“What are, what are my options?”

“Well, unfortunately, not many. Abortions are only legal in Indiana up to 20 weeks, or five months, or unless the person pregnant is facing severely compromised physical health. There’s always adoption.”

“No one’s gonna want a baby from a trans guy.” She pursed her lips.

“I think that’s a harsh statement. Many people are desperate for babies.” Steve just stared at her.

“So, if I have to take it to term, should I like, go off my hormones.” His stomach gave a lurch at the idea.

“I would recommend it. There’s very little research one pregnancy in transgender individuals. We really don’t know how hormones can affect the baby.” Steve sighed. “I would say, get in with an OB/GYN. I can recommend a few I know and send them your medical history. Your name change and hormone therapy is part of all of it, so hopefully they will be kind.” Steve sighed.

“Thank you, Doc. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry for the disappointing news.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” She gave him a copy of their appointment notes, a list of OB/GYNs for him to research, and a hug before she left.

He drove home slowly, feeling exhausted, like the weight of the fucking world was on his shoulders.

He got home to find Robin sitting on his front porch, her nose buried in a book, a pizza box sitting next to her.

She looked up at him, and he burst into tears.

-

“Look, Max, if he contacts you in any way, tell him to call Steve, okay? It’s important.” Robin was yammering to Max on the phone, trying to get a way to contact Billy.

Steve was laying on the couch, had his shirt rucked up over his stomach, pushing it out and sucking it in, trying to see any change in his body.

“Just give him Steve’s phone number and tell him he’s an asshole.” She hung up the phone, perching on the armrest at Steve’s feet.

“She know where he is?”

“No. She said he ran off and hasn’t contacted her at all. She didn’t even know he was leaving.” She slid onto the couch, let Steve put his feet on her lap. “You think he’d come back? If he knew?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really asking him to. I mean, I don’t think I’m in a place to take care of it, but I kinda just want him to know it exists. Like, I think he deserves that.”

“I get it.” Her voice was soft. She watched Steve stare at his tummy some more. “I’m sorry. I’m sure this is just, dysphoria out the wazoo.” Steve huffed a laugh.

“I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. I think ‘cause I’m not showing. I don’t look pregnant, so how can I be pregnant, you know?” He sighed tugging down his shirt. “Going to the doctor’s gonna be a damn nightmare, though. They’re too used to dealing with women. It’s gonna suck.”

-

Steve was right.

Even though his primary care doctor had sent his medical history, he still got deadnamed and misgendered at reception, and intake, and by the nurse, and the doctor when she finally arrived.

They gave him a pelvic exam, getting him in for a sonogram as well.

And as the doctor was moving the imagining wand around on his tummy, and he heard the heartbeat for the first time, something caved inside of him.

A baby. He was having a baby.

And part of him, a really fucking big part of him, was starting to love it.

-

His parents were home for four days.

And Steve had waited for the final day of their homesteading to tell them.

He’s glad he did.

Diner was as quiet as always, and Steve had nearly choked on the words.

“I’m pregnant.”

His father had gotten out his wallet, asked how much an abortion costs.

“I’m too far along for that. Nowhere will legally do it.”

His mother had just stared at him. His father asked how far along he was.

“Close to seven months. I didn’t even know until like, a week and a half ago.”

And his father had stood up, and the yelling began.

“I can’t believe you. You kick up this huge fuss, make us change your name, and the way we refer to you, go around telling everyone your a boy, and you get pregnant like the little slut you are.”

And he had told Steve to back his shit, told him he was not welcome in my house anymore.

And Steve didn’t have a lot of shit he cared about, the clothes he liked fit in one duffel bag.

His mother didn’t look at him as he left.

-

He had called Mrs. Henderson from a payphone.

Nobody else could give him a ride anymore, and he wasn’t expecting her to drop everything and drive him somewhere, but she had freaked out at the words kicked out and for getting pregnant, and told him to stay where he is.

She was there with a tight hug and a travel mug of honey lemon tea within twenty minutes.

Steve had asked for a ride to a youth shelter he had read about, but she shook her head, said you’re coming to live with me and Dusty and Steve had cried in her passenger seat, and again in her guest bedroom.

-

Steve groaned.

He had finally begun showing, just a little bit out a mound near his belly button.

But he felt like shit, had taken to spending most days in bed.

He bat away whoever was shaking him.

“Go away.”

“Steve, it’s Max.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“I found Billy, you asshole. I have his address.” Steve sat bolt up straight.

“You, where is he?”

“Boston. He went east, for some reason. But he sent me a letter, out of the blue, and I told him you had something important to say, but he said he doesn’t have a phone.” She handed him a slip of paper.

“Thanks, Max.” He gave her a weak smile, found her chewing her lip.

“Is he the father? The other father, I mean.” He had told the party about the pregnancy, figured rumors would begin spreading soon enough.

“Yeah. He’s the other father.”

“He wouldn’t have ditched you. If he’d known.”

“I know.”

“He’s not like that.”

“I know.” She stared him down. He kept his face open, honest.

“Are you gonna write to him?”

“Yeah. I just, I don’t really know what to say.”

“Just keep it simple. Tell him he’s got a kid. Let him choose what he wants.”

-

It took Steve almost a month to draft a letter.

He didn’t really know what to say.

He settled on the bare minimum.

I’m pregnant. And it is most definitely, without a doubt, yours. I’m not expecting anything from you. I don’t want money, or for you to move back to Hawkins. I just thought you deserve to know about your kid.

He read the letter about three times, one hand pressed delicately to his little bump.

I’ve decided to keep the baby. I’m going to raise them. You’re welcome to meet them, and be in their life if you choose, but if not, I’m not going to hold it against you.

He sealed the envelope, leaving it on his nightstand.

And then his contractions started.

He didn’t get around to sending it.

-

Claudia was the only person in the room with him when he gave birth.

She held his hand the whole time, coached him through his breathing.

And when his son was born, she pet his head, told Steve how beautiful he is.

-

Steve was slumped face down on the bed.

He had just gotten Oliver down, calmed him down enough for him to finally sleep.

He rolled over, scrubbing a hand down his face.

He had barely slept all week. But Oliver had smiled at him for the first time yesterday.

He turned to lay on his side, zeroing in on the envelope on his nightstand.

He sat up quickly.

Fuck. He needed to send that letter.

He didn’t bother thinking about it, just wrapped his sweater tighter around himself, and hurried to the mailbox. He put the little flag up, leaving the letter in the little inner clasp.

He looked back down at Oliver, running one finger over his fuzzy little head.

-

He didn’t hear from Billy for three weeks.

He knew the letter wouldn’t take more than a few days to get to him, and it would take just as long for Billy to get him back.

He had pushed Billy out of his mind, figured if he wanted to be part of Oliver’s life, he had given him enough of a chance to be.

He put on a thick sweatshirt, had taken to wearing baggy tops to hide his tits, too sore, too big to bind anymore. Oliver squealed at him when he leaned against the side of his crib, reaching out for him.

He strapped him into his stroller to take him on a walk, stopped dead in the doorway.

Billy fucking Hargrove was in the driveway, standing next to the Camaro like he had just gotten out of it.

His eyes were wide, trailing from Steve, to Oliver, and back again.

“Is that my kid?” Billy’s hair was shorter than when he had left.

“Oliver. His name is Oliver.” Billy stepped around the car.

“Can I, can I see him?” Steve brought the stroller down the driveway, taking Oliver out of the stroller.

Billy held him like he was made of gold.

“He’s beautiful.”

“I think he looks a lot like you.” Billy smiled at him.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here, I was waiting for my semester to end.”

“It’s okay. I just, you know. Thought you deserved to know about him.” Billy stared at Oliver, his smile going soft as Oliver squealed, tugging on Billy’s hair.

“I want to be in his life. If that’s okay?”

“Of course it is. He’s your son too.” Billy brushed his thumb down Oliver’s nose.

“Thank you, Steve. And I’m, I’m sorry about how I left. I was going to-” he cut himself off, looking back at Oliver. “I was gonna ask you to come with me. Chickened out last minute.”

Steve’s heart was banging against his rips.

“I would’ve gone with you. Used to dream about running away with you.” Oliver started getting fussy, making disgruntled little huffs. Billy passed him back to Steve. “I was in love with you. You know that?”

“Yeah, I knew that. Was to chicken shit to do anything about it.” Billy was still looking at Oliver, the way he nestled into Steve’s neck. “He loves you a lot.”

“It’s been the two of us for awhile.”

“You’re a good dad. Always kinda figured you would be, though.” Billy took another breath. “You know, you could’ve told me sooner. I would’ve come back.”

“I don’t want you to, to change you life. Don’t quit school, or something.”

“Steve, I got a kid. I want to change my life for him. For, for you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“No never did. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing my family.” Steve hesitated.

“Would you like to come in? Have some breakfast? You could give Oliver his bottle, If you wanted.” Billy’s eyes lit up.

“I’d like that.”

[5typesoftrash]

warning: this is going to be a long post. transphobia and bigotry under the cut

I am posting this rebuttal of a person who got (hilariously) angry at someone who Does Not Care (me) and wrote an entire-ass essay on this post because apparently this is how I spend my time. Defending my identity which does not need to be defended because it is immutable from transphobic trolls who won’t even see it cause they’re blocked from this account.

Anyway. Be careful looking under the cut.

TERFs, gender-crits, radical feminists, transmeds, nb-exclus, anti-mogai, and anyone else whose ideology promotes transphobia and/or trans erasure, please kindly do not fucking touch this post. I am not kidding when I say that I will report you all to tumblr for hate speech if it takes me all fucking night.

Image Description

Two screenshots of a reblog from tumblr user homosexual-means-gay. The post reads:

please tell me how literally every single gay man being repulsed by ppl with vaginas hurts you! tell us why it’s a problem gay ppl aren’t attracted to the opposite sex like straight and bi ppl are!

homosexuality isn’t a political movement it’s a regular natural innate sexuality. gay men aren’t attracted to biological females and it hurts gay ppl when you side with conversion therapists and it hurts bisexual ppl who actually are attracted to both sexes when you erase them for your homophobic agenda. you’re not a victim. you’re happy to eliminate homosexuality from existence as long as you’re able to reinforce heteronormative gender roles the gay community has always opposed. your bigotry harms trans homosexuals too, not that you transhets care about the gay trans ppl either.

erased from history? you want gay ppl correctively raped out of existence bc you love socially constructed gender roles more than human rights. you deserve all the hate you put out into the world. im sorry our innate orientation and culture prove how flimsy and useless the gender roles you define yourself by are, but homophobia will not improve your self esteem. you’re driving away ppl who would be happy to support your made up identity by attacking how we were born same sex attracted. sorry you can’t relate bc you’re straight. sorry you think you can use your privilege against us. but it’s not something we’re doing to you. it’s not something we can change and it’s not something we want to change. there’s never been a gay man in existence who likes pussy, not even the gay trans women like marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera. you’re a sad little straight girl alienating all potential allies.

hurting us doesn’t validate you. it doesn’t hurt you that no gay man will ever like pussy.

End ID

(If someone wants to do a better ID that’s fine, I just wanted to put everyone on an equal playing field when it comes to understanding the content of this post.)

I’m going to go line-by-line and refute every single bullshit thing this person said.

> please tell me how literally every single gay man being repulsed by ppl with vaginas hurts you!

factoid actually just statistical error. TERF Tommy, who has committed multiple transphobic hate crimes, is an outlier and should not have been counted. I know many cis gay men who are attracted to trans men because they are MEN, not because of the genitalia they have. And I know you want to say ‘that makes them bi’, but no, it doesn’t. You want to accuse me of homophobia? Telling another gay person that their identity is invalid just because they express it in a different way than you do is literal homophobia.

>  tell us why it’s a problem gay ppl aren’t attracted to the opposite sex like straight and bi ppl are!

because... some are? And you don’t speak for the entire gay community? Especially not the other side of it, for the opposite binary gender than yours.

>  homosexuality isn’t a political movement it’s a regular natural innate sexuality.

and transness isn’t a political movement either, it is a regular natural and innate gender identity. You know that gender identity is inherent, right? When people say ‘gender is a social construct’ all that means is that it is not a natural thing. Humans created the concept of gender and assigned value to it based on what we could perceive as a means of giving order to the world around us. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t important and it doesn’t mean that there aren’t parts of it that are inherent to individuals.

>  gay men aren’t attracted to biological females and it hurts gay ppl when you side with conversion therapists and it hurts bisexual ppl who actually are attracted to both sexes when you erase them for your homophobic agenda.

I’m sorry this is literally incoherent. To reiterate: some gay men ARE attracted to assigned females. Yes, siding with conversion therapists hurts gay people. No, I am not siding with conversion therapists. I have never once stated -- in fact, the entire point of my post was the opposite of this -- that anyone should EVER have sexual interactions with a person they don’t want to. Even if the reason for that is because they have a genital preference, which is NOT the same thing as a sexuality.

(I know I’ve been over this before but here it is again. A sexuality is a measure of what GENDER/S you want to have sex with. A genital preference is a measure of what genitalia you are willing to get all up close and personal with. Both are innate, one can be manipulated. They are not the same thing.)

Hurting bisexual people... hey, fellow bis, am I hurting you by *checks notes* existing in time and space?

>  you’re not a victim. you’re happy to eliminate homosexuality from existence as long as you’re able to reinforce heteronormative gender roles the gay community has always opposed.

I am literally A GAY PERSON. Even by YOUR MEASURE I am a victim. And I do NOT want to eliminate homosexuality, I just want people to acknowledge that language evolves and definitions can change as our society does. Also, have you ever met a trans person in real life? Because like 80% of all the trans people I’ve ever known have been gender non-conforming, so like. That invalidates that point. The trans community opposes gender roles as well.

>  your bigotry harms trans homosexuals too, not that you transhets care about the gay trans ppl either.

Please point to where it says I’m straight. Please. I want to see it.

>  erased from history? you want gay ppl correctively raped out of existence bc you love socially constructed gender roles more than human rights.

At this point I’m just repeating myself. Please see the above points for rebuttal.

>  you deserve all the hate you put out into the world. im sorry our innate orientation and culture prove how flimsy and useless the gender roles you define yourself by are, but homophobia will not improve your self esteem.

Says the person berating a minor for *flips notecard over* agreeing with them that people shouldn’t be forced into sex. I’m sorry that you’re so hurt and angry that you have to push your pain onto other people just to feel better. I genuinely am. It makes me so sad to see how much some people are hurting. But I won’t just sit and take this kind of verbal abuse. I don’t deserve it, quite frankly.

>  you’re driving away ppl who would be happy to support your made up identity by attacking how we were born same sex attracted.

I doubt anyone calling it a made-up identity wants to actually support me. Next.

>  sorry you can’t relate bc you’re straight. sorry you think you can use your privilege against us. but it’s not something we’re doing to you. it’s not something we can change and it’s not something we want to change.

Again. I am not straight. I do not have any straight privilege to use against anyone. Even if I was cis I still wouldn’t be straight because I’m aroace and attracted to anyone and everyone. My gender identity isn’t something that I can change, either. And even if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t want to. I love being a man, and I love being a trans man. 

>  there’s never been a gay man in existence who likes pussy, not even the gay trans women like marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera.

I’m sorry, WHAT. Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera can’t be both gay men and trans lesbians. Which one are they? You gotta pick, babe.

> you’re a sad little straight girl alienating all potential allies. hurting us doesn’t validate you. it doesn’t hurt you that no gay man will ever like pussy.

So am I a transhet or am I a straight girl? Also I’m not sad, I’m quite happy with where I’m at in my life. I do not feel validated by hurting anyone, because I don’t enjoy pain. I’m not masochistic or emotionless, I am in fact hyperempathetic due to my autism, and I don’t like it when anyone is hurt. This can be evidenced by this post here where I wish well upon a group of people who have directly hatecrimed me in the past. 

I will repeat that. I have literal trauma from physical violence as a result of the actions of this group of people, and I am still wishing them good things. 

Nor does it hurt me that ‘no gay man will ever like [AFAB genitalia]’ because this isn’t even a true statement. As I have mentioned previously, I know personally multiple gay men who are attracted to trans men. And reader, please note the fact that this person uses a slang term, a deliberately vulgar one, where in my original post I used the medical term ‘vagina’.

Hope this clears some things up.

TERFs, gender-crits, radical feminists, transmeds, nb-exclus, anti-mogai, and anyone else whose ideology promotes transphobia and/or trans erasure, please kindly STILL do not clown on this post. I am once again not kidding when I say that I will report you all to tumblr for hate speech if it takes me all fucking night.

[lunarssong]

i'm kinda hesitant to post the scs bc they're like my age and i don't want to callout-post them, but ohhhh my god i had. such an interaction the other day. like, peak exclus hypocrisy to the point it almost circled back around to hilarious

cw for queerphobia, biphobia, panphobia, transphobia, transmisogyny and also just misogyny in general, ableism, enbyphobia, etc

highlights include:

they took issue with me saying queer and were going "q slur" but. their url literally has the f slur. hello??

"i'm not being transphobic" as they spout dogwhistles, and also just

i got told i'm gay and not bi because i'm not attracted to women.... less than one post away from an ask mentioning a point i brought up using gender labels as an example where their response has an implied claim they support nonbinary people. how do you manage to acknowledge nonbinary people in one breath and then define them out of existence in the next

and then as a follow up somebody came in their inbox and called me biphobic because of some shit about feeling the need to label preferences. buddy i don't think completely not being attracted to a gender is a "preference" but okay. (also has the vibe of "your orientation isn't actually that, you just have internalized phobia")

also "well i'm autistic too so this gives me the right to insult my perception of your tone (i apologized in advance bc i get told a lot i sound hostile when i'm not) [shits on tone indicators like they're not sometimes helpful to even neurotypicals]", "bi isn't an umbrella term" (when it very literally is, both in reality and by any incorrect definition that acknowledges even just one nonbinary gender)

and of course. "hey so this ideology you bought into is literally part of the radfem/terf indoctrination/recruitment shit, like. a shit ton of them have seriously publicly admitted that it was a step for them" "you sound like a fucking cunt (actual quote), i'm not being transphobic and how dare you just toss around those words. anyway all nonbinary people are inherently included in gay men's attraction, you're wrong about your own orientation, fuck you you're blocked. moving on! time to rb a post about how it's very important to educate yourself on transmisogynistic dogwhistles—"

i think i'm probably going to put the screenshots in a reblog to this post with their url partially censored? and go through each one individually because there are just.. so many problems, holy shit, and they're posting this shit publicly anyways so. i feel like they've lost their right to not getting reposted by a peer whose orientation they directly tried to redefine lmao