#ah tumblr my sweet diary

[clearaeipathy]

Flowers of Remembrance

BTS Jungkook x reader

_______________________________________

-Trigger warnings: mentions of blood

-Hanahaki au, angst

-female reader

-Thoughts are in lowercase since I can't figure out how to type in italic

-please don't repost on platforms other than tumblr

-plagiarism is absolutely unacceptable, pls let me know first if you're going to write something inspired by my work. If you see anyone plagiarizing my work orwith work similar to mine, i would really appreciate it if you could let me know!

-feedback would be appreciated, thank you for reading!!

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Y/N likes flowers.

She really does. Or that's what she told herself as Claire dragged her around the shop.

Claire is the type of girl who loves to daydream, is a hopeless romantic, keeps seven diaries, gets flustered easily around boys, and likes pink. There's nothing wrong with any of that. It's just that sometimes, Y/N doesn't know how she ever put up with Claire's giggly, daydreamy antics long enough for Claire to declare them friends.

It was definitely not on her to-do list to go shopping for bouquets of flowers so that Claire could gift her latest boyfriend something for Valentine's. With the artificial minty smell in the shop, the crowded aisles bursting with succulents and pots, Y/N couldn't help but feel just a bit claustrophobic.

"Ah, Y/N!!! Do you think Jay will like these?"

Y/N barely turned around before a bouquet of daisies were shoved into her face. Claire beamed eagerly, anticipating her reaction. "Soooo, how is it? Do you think he'll like these? Well, actually, now I'm not so sure... because Jay's actually like the bad boy type, but I feel like he's a softie... oh, honestly, he's so dreamy..." She gazed wistfully at the daisies.

don't kill the flowers. you pay for what you break.

just keep breathing and definitely don't snatch the flowers and stomp on them because your wallet will definitely be ruined if you do-

Y/N snapped a bright smile on her face as she waved the flowers away from her face. "Honestly, Claire, it's just flowers. Don't overthink too much.

And shouldn't Jay be the one getting you flowers? I mean-"

"No!! He can't do that! That'd be too sweet of him! I mean, I would LOVE it if he did, but I'm not expecting it, and I really honestly truly just want him to like me more and so I'll give him these and-"

Y/N tuned out the rest of Claire's rambling. She really couldn't care less about Jay, Claire's latest fling, who wore a beanie over his caramel hair every time she saw him and flirted with every pretty girl. Y/N didn't like him much, but Claire was smitten at first sight. While she fantasized about professing her love to Jay, Y/N schemed for ways to avoid third-wheeling on their dates.

It wasn't that she didn't love her friend. Claire, who she met back in high school, who had her back through thick and thin. Y/N just really, really, really hated having to think about romantic relationships. She couldn't afford to be selfish and indulge in romantics while she had to solve so many other things first.

Like how she kept-

no, she'd worry about that later. For now, worry about Claire, who was definitely going to get her heart broken again.

there.

Claire scrutinized a bouquet of poppies. "How 'bout these?" She turned to Y/N and pointed out the flowers.

if fate is real, this is not funny.

Claire squealed in delight. "Those are perfect! Wait... no, Jay's a bad boy. Bad boys don't like pink.

But.... I'll buy them for you!" Claire picked up the bouquet with a flourish and presented it to Y/N. "Think of it as a sign of my friendship to you."

aww.

that's actually... really nice.

Y/N couldn't stop the small smile from blooming.

"You're smiling! Oh my gosh, this is a fullblown smile and not just those smirks!!!" Y/N was met with the huge, classic, contagious Claire smile.

"Whatever, whatever. Just pick out some flowers for Jay and let's go."

After ten minutes of walking up and down the aisles, Claire finally settled on some fancy black roses. She paid for both bouquets with a big, satisfied smile and proceeded to excitedly drag Y/N out of the shop.

"Ok, soooooo me and Jay planned to meet at that one coffee shop with the big teddy bear sign! Oh, do you remember what it was called?"

Y/N sighed. "First of all, how do you not know the name of your date location? The cafe is called The Sugar Cube. And why is there even a teddy bear at the entrance?"

"Because teddy bears are a sign of love, " Claire responded patiently.

"No they aren't."

"Yeah they are."

"No they aren't- you know what, forget it."

Y/N bit her lip anxiously as they walked toward the cafe. It just so happened that there were lots of couples in there. Lots of couples.

Did she mention she didn't like lots of couples?

"Claire, I don't feel so good," Y/N lied. "Maybe I should go home."

please please please don't let me go in there where all those happy couples are-

"You're such a liar," Claire sighed. "Honestly, I don't get it. What is it about Jay that you don't like?"

it's not Jay, really.

"Have a nice time at your date, and thanks for the flowers!" Y/N snatched the flowers from Calire's hand and walked off, flashing an apologetic smile.

Y/N really just doesn't want to throw up and ruin a bunch of dates.

"Hey! You know, I'm sick of your crabby attitude lately! You should be happy for me and Jay!" Claire shouted at Y/N's retreating figure.

i'm happy for you though. i just don't want to make you unhappy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N groaned as she collapsed onto her couch. Her comfy, comfy couch.

Why couldn't everything be this way? Comforting and understanding and accepting.

Y/N laughed at the irony of the thought. She was not comforting, not understanding, and most definitely judgemental. That was probably why she didn't have many friends. She probably ruined her friendship with Claire.

no, said the nagging voice in her head. no, you had lots of friends until he came along. until he came along and ruined everything.

He didn't ruin anything, Y/N internally argued. it was all me.

it was all me that caused me to be like this. it's my fault that i'm so lonely.

because if I had never crossed the line of friendship, maybe he would still be here.

Y/N looked for a vase to put her flowers in. She didn't own any vases, why would she? Maybe a mason jar would be enough. She grabbed the poppies and removed the bouquet wrappings.

"Poppies symbolize remembrance and sacrifice," She read aloud from the tag dangling from her hand.

so sickly ironic.

Y/N chucked the tag into the trash bin and sat back down onto the couch with a sigh. Who knew the flowers that Claire bought for her out of friendship were the same flowers that she coughed out every night.

how did this happen? Y/N chuckled bitterly. It felt like only yesterday he hugged her for the first time. Only yesterday had they watched scary movies and laughed on rollercoasters and made pancakes together. She still remembered the scent of vanilla and sea salt whenever he was around. He'd always blink those doe eyes of his and flash his bunny toothed smile whenever he wanted to get something from her.

They'd been good friends. Childhood friends. He'd always come over to her house after school to study, and wind up playing video games instead. She remembered when he got sick and couldn't come to school, so she brought all his schoolwork over to his house and talked to him while he napped. She remembered the times when he made her laugh so much she'd cried, when he'd scared off the bullies that harassed her, when he bought her flowers after she broke up with her first boyfriend. The thought made her throat tight and itchy.

How long had it been since they wrote silly songs together and drove the popular girls crazy when they hugged? How long had it been since he'd given her his sweater when she was shivering? How long had it been since she crossed that forbidden line and kissed him?

it's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.

She should've known he didn't feel that way. She should've known to ask for his permission. But she was just so pent up with emotion and caught in the moment.

No, she couldn't make excuses.

It was her fault that he distanced himself afterwards. It was her fault that their friendship broke apart.

She should've been happy when he found another girl and became happy again.

Instead, here she was, reminiscing over poppies and battling her urge to cough.

Sometimes childhood friends are just meant to be friends.

No, that feeling in her throat was worse now. The coughing was coming back. Even worse, the petals. She could feel them in her throat.

No no no no no.

Y/N barely made it to the toilet in time before she threw up. She heaved petals and petals and petals of pink poppies out of her mouth, each petal more soaked with blood than the last.

All she could hear was her ragged breathing and her beating heart. Well, and the remaining blood dripping from her lips into the toilet.

She wished she had someone holding back her hair. She wished he was holding her hair back like he did when she drank too much and had a hangover the next morning.

Just the thought of his fingers brushing her skin had her choking out more petals. Those pretty pink leaves stained with crimson blood, showering out and floating down into the toilet. How poetic.

She could only blame herself for falling in love with the person she couldn't afford to lose.

What would he say to that? But you'll always have me, he'd beam when she used to lament about another boy she ruined her chances with.

Honestly, screw you.

I love you, Jeon Jungkook.

A grim smirk formed on her face as she threw up yet again into the toilet.

[restlesscrybaby]

WELCOME TO MY ACCOUNT!!!

-- I'm Reilly!! ( RestlessCrybaby <33 ).

-- Panromantic and pansexual! She/her or any pronouns!

-- I've got a lovely bf! @dumby-elf !! The biggest Death simp, you guys should go and draw his self insert and Death together <33

-- I've got amazing friends!!

-- I'm a huge artist and writer <33!!

-- I'm multifandom!!

-- My birthday is March 3rd, I'm a Pisces!

-- My favorite color is rose gold... I really love pink.

\/ \/ MORE INFO. \/ \/

× WHAT I WILL NOT WRITE. ×

The basics. ( p3dophilia, vore, proship shi, etc )

Sadly, pregnancy and children stuff!! ( personal reasons. )

... More, but that's the basics.

× RULES FOR WHEN I WRITE ×

Please, give me time! And some things will be rushed, I try to put it out there as quick as I can ^^!!

If I don't get to your request, please give me time! Unless I post something stating to resend it, as my tumblr has a habit of deleting my inboxes.

Please, do not be offended if your ask isn't done like the others, I have countless reasons as to why it may not be done like that <33

And in general, have fun with my writing! I try to make sure you guys have enough creative room to let your minds roam free!

Pretty much the same for drawing!!!

♡ SOME OF MY INTERESTS! ♡

☆ Big ones marked with a star!

Writing ! ☆☆☆

Drawing ! ☆☆☆

True crime ! ☆☆☆

Movies !

TV shows !

Anime !

Poetry! ☆

Psychology ! ☆☆☆

Femme fatales! ☆

Vintage cartoons!

Horror! ☆☆☆

♡ ( SOME ) FANDOMS I'M IN! ♡

(( not all! ))

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish,

MHA

Beavis and Butthead,

Lucifer,

Danganronpa,

Grinch,

American Horror Story,

Beauty and the Beast,

Who Framed Roger Rabbit ( ♡♡♡ )

Pizza Tower,

Tusk, ( ♡♡♡ )

Human Centipede, ( ♡♡♡ )

Chucky,

IT,

Killer Klowns from Outer Space ( ♡♡♡ ),

Goosebumps.

Baldi's Basics.

FNAF.

And more!!

× (( SOME )) CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR!! ×

(( not all!! ))

Jack Horner ( PiB: tLW. )

Katsuki Bakugou. ( MHA. )

Hawks ( MHA. )

TeruTeru Hanamura. ( Danganronpa. )

Mondo Oowada. ( Danganronpa. )

Karl Heisenberg. ( Resident Evil. )

Lady Dim. ( Resident Evil. )

Doc Ock. ( Spider-Man. )

Syndrome. ( The Incredibles. )

Peppino Spaghetti. ( Pizza Tower. )

Tate Langdon. ( AHS. )

Wallace Bryton. ( Tusk. )

Bill Boss. ( Human Centipede 3. )

Martin Lomax ( Human Centipede 2. )

Jang Deok-Su ( Squid Game. )

Slappy the Dummy ( Goosebumps. )

Rodrick Heffley ( Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies. )

Chef. ( South Park. )

Lucifer Morningstar. ( Lucifer on Netflix. )

Sweet Pete. ( Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers. )

The Riddler. ( Batman , 2022. )

Bruno Madrigal ( Encanto 2022. )

Bradley Uppercrust. ( An Extremely Goofy Movie. )

Chucky. ( Child's Play. )

Pennywise. ( IT. ) (( I really love clowns. )

Ayato Aishi ( Yan Sim. )

Peter ( Your Boyfriend. )

John Doe. ( John Doe. ) (( obsessive men :3 ))

And many more.

And I mean many.

× FINAL NOTES. ×

This will be updated every now and again, but for now.

Enjoy.

- Restless Rei's.

[screammdesiree]

Hello there tumblr. It's almost like talking to an old friend again for the first time in years. A simple website turned into a diary that I wrote hours into the pages, some days those pages even wrote me. I was 14 year old when tumblr found me one dark and lonely night, a suggestion for an outlet by an old friend. Someone thought enough of how I was feeling, to suggest a place where my dark thoughts, long nights, unheard thoughts, sweaty palms, and aching heart, would have their own safety. I guess the thing I didn't account for was that some silly website would outlive the very person who brought it into my world. That I'd be back here some 9 years later, feeling just the same way I did at 14. Who would have thought, that returning here to once again spill my heart like blood soaking the pages of a book only I'd ever read? How silly. Returning somewhere that isn't physical, but the only place that feels like home. Logging in feels like keys jingling against the front door in the dark as we slink inside. Seeing things I'd written on the good days, feeling like taking off my wet shoes and leaving them beside the door. Scrolling through the most insignificant things I'd reposted, simply because they made me laugh, is the feeling of taking off your coat and placing it on a hook next to the door, and feeling how warm and cozy the house is. Although, not every home is happy and those moments come and go. Reading the things I wrote on the bad days is like hearing your parents scream at eachother at 8 years old in your room with your hands over your ears until. Reading about all the emotional damage I did to the soft and sweet 14 year old me, is like cutting your feet on glass after your father throws a cup of coffee, blood tricking from your foot as you run fingertips along the wall at the bottom of the stairs, wondering what could have been so bad. Sometimes coming home just isn't as comforting as it should be. There are days when coming home means it's because you're on hospice there to die where you're most comfortable. I guess I should be going into more detail, considering I came here to talk to myself, because there is no one to talk to anymore. Ive simply run them all away. Ah wait there it is. The thing that keeps bringing me back here."I've simply run them all away." Sound familiar tumblr? Sound like anything I've said here before? Down right deja vu here for me.

Sweet girl I know you've had this thought before, but let me ask you when is the last time you felt this pain sober? I mean honestly. When's the last time sober you came here to try to avoid openly saying how badly you want to end your life. Not disappear. Not start over. Not run away. But just simply die.

ISNT IT SCARING YOU THAT YOURE THIS CALM SAYING THAT YOU SOBERLY WANT TO END YOUR LIFE?!

Stupid question because even asking myself that question. I'm not afraid. Shockingly it isn't even because I think I'd see him on the other side of this life. It's because I failed to understand in all the things he said to me in those days. Now I get it. I get why he didn't wanna smoke with me and why taking a drink was simply unheard of in his final thoughts. He wanted to be entirely clear minded when he took his life, I get it. The peace that a sober thought of not being alive anymore will bring is terrifying but so so so calming. Just understanding that those thoughts shouldn't cross your mind with a smile, and the genuine happiness the thought brings me is absolutely disgusting.

But here I am again.

They say "think about in ten years when.." but it's been ten years and I'm still thinking and hoping that I'm gonna wake up and be happy I survived. I'm waiting. That feeling won't come if it hasn't already. There are some things you just softly come to terms with as you cry alone in a room with a house full of people.

Some days will be harder than others but your day will come where you will finally have the courage to pull the trigger and bring yourself peace.

I think I'd like the background of my death to be highlighted in sad Taylor swift songs.

Play the saddest songs at my funeral, that's the only way anyone will cry over me.

Who am I kidding, I don't even think my mom would come. My dad wouldn't be able to bring himself to come. My sister won't even be able to get herself out of bed, and my other siblings will probably not even know.

I don't want them to bring my kids though. I would probably rather they think I just abandoned them. They would be better for them right? I don't know.

[777-8484-111]

🔔 #RICHIE Tumblr Update !

🐰 CERTIFIEDLOVERS

Guys do you want to know about my interest for something? Drop me a question and I'll reply ASAP >3<

10 Comments Scroll here to see…

(Please Tap ‘Keep Reading’…)

🦁 npc132

05.17 23:15

It's clearly that I want to be your BFF 👯‍♀️ but I'd like to know what your interests are first! like what genre of music do you like??? and the list of singers whose songs you like ??🤜🏻🤛🏻

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:19

Hello npc132 💓 !! The list of favorite singers is the first thing I love the most, i like the genres R&B, pop, and K-pop and moree~~

Casually, I listen to Western music from Sabrina Carpenter, Taylor Swift, SZA, Daniel Caesar, The Weeknd, Laufey, NIKI, LANY, and more.

For local music, I enjoy Juicy Luicy, Hivi!, Nadin Amizah, Sal Priadi, Maliq & D’Essentials, and more !!!

Lastly, I also enjoy K-Pop music from IVE, Kiss Of Life, Enhypen, BIBI, Aespa, ILLIT, The Boyz, NCT, Baby Monsters, and many many moreeee…

But now I'm a bit selective in listening to songs because I'm afraid of hearing singers who support the Z word !!! 🔎❕

🐣 npc 89

05.17 23:21

What about your favorite movie of all time and what genre of movies do you like Richie?

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:21

I Like Movies in the genre of romance comedy, drama, fantasy, musical, teen, melodrama >_<☆!! especially film the princess diaries, the greates showman, marvel cinematic universe, princess universe, enola holmes… oh and i love gilmore girls serial!! I like light-hearted movies I don't like thrillers or serial killers, I'm also sometimes interested in horror but don't like it when put together with the thriller genre!! 😆🌟.

🐣 npc89

05.17 23:24

what else do you like ??

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:26

What do you want to know about me??? hmm… maybe a favorite animal? I have a cat and have had two hamsters. but I really like rabbits and cats, my cousins had a rabbit but it was hard to keep so I never kept him, but for cats I have a cat he is a black male named 'Neo' and he’s so clingy~~~🐈‍⬛🐱 I love street feed cats so much that I even have an instagram account of my old school cat!!

👹 angrycat

05.17 23:27

I don't care about your basic preferences!!! what about your life what are you doing? at least that question will not give a basic answer.

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:28

calm down angrycat I'm just telling you what I like, you can scroll away if you don't like it.

about what I'm doing... right now I'm doing productive activities because in August I'm going to start a new life that is live separated from my parents because of college, so I'm doing home work out, drinking juices and some sweet foods not as much as before.

as you can see my activity is basic scroll if you don't get the answer you expect.

🦄 user21

I was thinking... you said you don't eat sweets as much as you used to, are you a sweet tooth Richie? 🦷

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:21

YAS!! I love sweets and yup i have a sweet tooth! i love sweet food & drink very much but unfortunately because my teeth have become sensitive I've cut back on some of the sweets and drinks that are my life support T____T 🤛🏻🤛🏻🤛🏻😆

🕷️ spiderman

05.17 23:30

Always take care of your health Richie :3 by the way, may I ask your favorite color pretty ?

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:31

ah there's no way you won't notice my first favorite color… 😆🤜🏻🤛🏻 it's all over my social media... YUP it's PINK! I love pink, white, blue, cream, and other pastel colors.

🐧 lovefowyou

05.17 23:33

Do you like girlie things like makeup, fashion, skincare?

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:33

LOVE IT... I really love being a girl because of that!!! there's so much to do when you're a girl, I love makeup💄 , nails 💅 , skincare, fashion, accessories and more!!! that's what makes my life not basic, ohya you can discuss girlie things with me in private chat 💬 🤫

👾 milovers

05.17 23:35

Richie you always tell that you’re love watching YouTube? What is your YouTube channel comfort?

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:34

oh I really like this question! YES I always watch youtube !!

First, I really like miawaug... I watched miawaug since 5th grade until now!!!

Secondly if I'm eating alone I like to watch MSA

Third I also like watching Mr.Beast and Jianhao tan I wait for the latest episode of them continuously

Fourth for asmr or mukbang I like Ria SW & Fume

Fifth for daily life/mystery horror channel I like nessie judge, Korea roemit, Sunny dahye

🦉urcutie

05.17 23:34

Do you play music? Guitar for example

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:34

sadly but no, I used to be able to play the piano but I don't pursue it anymore, I once wanted to learn guitar and I even have my acoustic guitar but because there was no time to learn it became just a memory.

🪿 anonymous56

05.17 23:38

Is there anything else you'd like to reveal about your fondness for something, Richie?

🐈 certifiedlovers

05.17 23:38

this is done!!💭💓, thank you very much for your attention, hopefully we can be close and friends warmly and closely yupp :3

[doodlivv]

Is this situationship? - Part 1

Okay so this is just me writing a diary on Tumblr instead of a book. Just wanting to rant or jot down the funny things happened in my "miserable" love life. — nah it's actually pretty funny to me 🤡

English is not my mother tongue, so excuse me for my poor grammar. Or if I didn't sound "natural" enough.

I have a crush on my friend of three years. I don't think he knows about it, and I'm not ready to let him know too.

Last Monday, I texted him to see if he wanted to go out for a midnight snack. Unfortunately, he had plans with his fam. So I simply replied a "ok" and cut the conversation short, cuz we're actually running out of things to chat, and I thought it's time to call the whole crush thing off.

But he continued to text me, asking things like "What do you feel like having?" and "Do they still have sticky rice balls at this hour?"

I'm like, bruhhhh if you're not coming with me, and if you're not interested in me pls just stop these meaningless convos.

Buuuuut since I have a pretty huge crush on him, ofcuz I replied nicely :)

SO two days later, he asked me to go on a midnight snack hunt with him, which I gladly accepted.

While we were waiting for the food, he asked all of a sudden, "Do you want some kinder chocolate? I have some in my laboratory," and I went "Yeah, sure."

He said he'll bring it to me the next time, and then proceed to his recent life update.

AND suddenly he talked about offering two bars of kinder chocolate to "YueLao" with his friends in the laboratory. Turns out, the kinder chocolate that he mentioned earlier is the one that he offered to "YueLao."

I didn't think much at first. Cuz knowing him, he is probably just trying to give out the chocolate to anyone since he's not into sweet, and he knows that I enjoy sweets.

The next day, I talked about the whole incident with my friend, and he went like, "Isn't there a saying that after praying to the "YueLao," you need to give the offering to the person you like?"

Alright, NOW I'm interested. My mind went omg is that a hint or are we overthinking it? maybe he doesn't know about this saying at all but then again why me? buuuuut he said there were only one left, which means that he had given the other one to another person, right?

Right. I calmed down as soon as I remembered him saying there were only one left, and thought "Ah, so yeah he's probably just asking me cuz I happened to be there at that time."

BUT THEN around midnight, he asked if he could call me cuz he's bored. Midway through our conversation, he mentioned about the freaking kinder chocolates again.

Him: So, about the kinder chocolates...

Me: Yeah?

Him: Do you still want them?

Me: Yeah, yeah sure.

Him: Ok. They are still in my laboratory. I'll bring them to you next time we meet.

Wait — them? them as in two of the chocolate bars still there? He didn't give them to anyone else yet?

Great. Now I'm going to be overthinking about it until I get the freaking kinder chocolates.

Annnnnd my friends were now frowning upon me, cuz according to them, I'm too oblivious when it comes to romantic relationship. 😭

I'm still freaking out about this up until now 🤦🏻‍♀️

[tandytoaster]

It’s so weird to have my mother (seemingly) be like... an okay person. Given, I have no idea what it’s like at her house when I’m not there, but when I AM there things are nice, regular family shit.

On one hand it’s super confusing not having any closure. Confronting her on all the whack ass shit she’s done and said over the years WAS something I was going to do, I was going to do it in August but that’s when both she and Suzie Q got sick. And I was like. Damn if I go through with this it will kill her. Literally. So I didn’t and then in November was when Princess Fluffy got sick and when I found that cat that looked like Friskie in the marsh fields and I resumed contact.

Ever since pokemon sumo came out, I saw so much of my mother in Lusamine, like it’s fucked. A woman more concerned with her animals than her human children, her son rebelling and her daughter running away. Even down to the sumo vs usum discrepancy - with Lillie telling off Lusamine in the sumo but that Not happening in usum, yet everything is somehow okay after all that. Like, that’s ME, that’s MY LIFE. “Why is this happening, this woman was evil, why is she being nice”. With pokemon it’s a more simpler thing to comprehend since Lusamine is a character, it’s normal to question why writers would chose to redeem such a shitty person. But with ME? My mom is a whole person, a human being. So then the why turns to me, WHY have I let this woman back into my life after all the years of me saying I would escape from her. It’s complex in a human way that I don’t know how to describe, like it just makes sense. As humans, we want to be loved and wanted and to have connections, and the very first people we love are our parents and they’re supposed to love us. Obviously I can’t speak for every abused child, but a lingering feeling of “Why did you do this to me, you were supposed to take care of me” persists. And that can manifest as sadness or anger or resentment or fear or a wish to be loved like how we were supposed to be.

It’s incredibly mind boggling to witness her hear me out on things instead of telling me that she’s right and that I don’t know anything, it’s weird as hell seeing her EMPATHIZE with me and listen to me instead of telling me to get over it. I was telling her about the harry potter shit and bitchass rowling being a transphobe, to which my mother said, “See, now I don’t get that. That doesn’t effect her, why does she care at the defense of trans ppl. And the conversation continues and she mentioned some gnc people she sees around regularly or knew in the past and how she’s always worn men’s clothes and how clothing is just clothing. She was SUPPORTIVE in the way a slightly out of touch 45 year old is, some wrong or outdated terminology but otherwise at our defense. Then the conversation went to somewhere that prompted her to say, “Lesbians are the WORST they’re MEAN” and immediately I was like “You’re thinking of r*df*ms” and I explained what that was and how a lot of them happen to be lesbians but most lesbians are not a part of that mindset, it’s just that the r*df*ms are really flashy so they catch attention. And she repeated it back to me like, “Ohh so those people are just really loud. Yea that makes sense”, LIKE SHE LISTENED TO ME?? HEARD ME OUT?? First time in my goddamn life.

I was telling Christina about this the other day and they were like “holy fuck”, bc they’ve known my mom for years bc we’ve been friends since we were 7. Like they were FLOORED.

Another thing I think I caught the other day from my mother, I think she used my gf’s proper pronouns??? A lot was happening, so it was noisy but what I THINK I heard was, “When do you have to pick him up- Or, pick them up” (becc uses they/them around my family for now). I’m REALLY hoping I heard right because that’s another massive development, because since day 1 she was pretty rude about Becc. As well as the fact that my mom was a “there’s only 2 genders” person

Seeing all these positive changes is incredible but it comes with fear too. I’m worried it’s a tactic to reel me back in and she can start trying to control me again. Everything seems nice in the beginning but then goes back to how it’s always been. It’s scary because I don’t want to go through that shit ever again, but even scarier for me now is that I’ve been show respect and love and I don’t want to lose that. It’s like how I feel about 2019, it was the best year of my life and the happiest I’ve ever been, but we’re no longer in the world that was once 2019 and I think it’s cruel to be given something that makes me feel like how a normal person should feel, only to have it swiftly taken away. I’d rather go without ever knowing the feeling if it meant not having to endure the grief that comes with losing it.

I feel like a child coming up to their mother to show her the macaroni art they made so she can put it on the fridge. Look at what I made, look at what I can do.

I don’t wish this confusing mess upon anyone. Fucks with your head too much

[fussymeanie999]

first time - loki laufeyson x plus-size reader

WARNING: this is going to be around 90% dirty smut. you have been warned. mentions of: cunnilingus, deepthroat, facefucking, unprotected sex, breeding, first time

synopsis: reader feels extremely insecure about her figure, loki finds her being absolutely destroyed, he decides to show her how beautiful she is.

a/n: also, i like used a scene from my mad fat diary for one of the dialogues (another one of my favourite shows), so all creds to them! i also used a monologue called "corsets and courtship" for some of loki's quotes by @tomhiddlestonsoundalike on tumblr so all credz to him and whoever wrote the text!

enjoy, my plussize queens (or whoever's reading this lol)

+++

you stood in front of your mirror, in your undergarments, looking at your own reflexion, your fingers grazing your own skin, cringing at every bump or texture you felt. your skin wasn't as soft as you'd want it to be. it wore many marks, wether from your skin stretching or plain old cellulite. you had some pimples, some scarring... you hated it. all of it. you just wished you were perfect. you weren't skinny, that was for sure. you weren't even mid-size. you were a big girl. and as much as you'd want to pretend you weren't, there were times where that was impossible. you didn't fit in any "regular sizes" and not every store had a plus-size section. you were afraid to eat in front of people. you couldn't even be intimate with your boyfriend.

ah. your boyfriend. your boyfriend's name was loki. and he was probably the most beautiful man you had ever laid eyes upon. well, not a man. technically he was an alien. or a god? he came from asgard. a different planet and it honestly baffled you that a literal god would go for someone like you, when he could get anyone he ever wanted. you couldn't believe what you were hearing when he revealed his feelings for you. of course you were hopelessly in love with him but you just couldn't believe he felt the same way. fat girls never get the hot guys. at least not in any story you ever heard, especially not in your life. you never had a boyfriend. no one had really shown any interest in you and you didn't either. mostly because you didn't think anyone would feel the same.  you didn't feel as though you deserved to be with anyone, you were too big, too unattractive, too insecure. so you never really tried. until loki came around.

he became part of your life almost a year ago to this day. he was your first kiss, first date, first everything. the only first that was missing was... your first time. yes. you were a virgin. a fat virgin at that. you didn't even let loki see you without a shirt on. the mere thought made you burst into tears, imagining different improbable scenarios where he'd be so disgusted by your figure he'd leave you. but you wanted to. you wanted him to see you and you wanted him to touch you. you wanted him in every sense of the term, but you couldn't bring yourself to reveal your body to him when the time came. he was always understanding, listening to your wishes and never made you feel like you had to do anything you didn't want to do. but you could feel how much it made him ache to not be able to be with you the ways he wanted to. it made you ache as well.

you grabbed at your fat, your jiggly rolls, covered in purple stripes and you couldn't help the tears that threatened to fall, roll down your cheek. your small cries suddenly became sobs, and they became louder and louder, as your brain was flooded with images of loki's face, disgusted in your figure. you let yourself fall onto the bed, feeling your stomach touch your thighs, making your sobs grow even louder. you held your stomach in one of your hands and and the other directed itself on your face, massaging your temple, feeling your heart beat inside your head.

you thought you were alone. you really did.

you heard the door of your bedroom creak. your head immediately jolted up as your glistening eyes met with familiar blue-ish green orbs. you grabbed the nearest blanket and covered your almost naked body, your sobs completely stopping but your tears still melted away on your round cheeks.

your raven-haired lover walked in the room, carefully.

"oh my sweet girl, what has happened?" the god said softly, carefully kneeling in front of you.

he slowly held out his hand to meet yours with confusion, worry and a hint of sadness in his eyes, but you quickly dodged it and got up, covering your entire front side with the blanket and quickly turning around so he couldn't see the back of you.

"nothing" you struggled to say, in between cries, still backing away from him.

you continued walking backwards until your lower back hit the dresser. you looked down, for a few quick seconds and when you looked back up, your lover was only a mere 2 inches away from your face. he cupped your visage with his hands and softly wiped your dried tears with the back of his thumb.

" you know how much i trust you my darling..." he started. " ... but this doesn't look like nothing."

he started slowly stroking your hair and brushing it with his fingers. you tried avoiding his stare but it was useless, as he was grabbing your face and lifted your chin up to make you look at him straight in the eyes.

as his stare felt as though it was piercing through your soul, you couldn't contain your cries anymore.

" be honest with me... i beg of you... it pains me to see you like this" he pleaded.

you started to contain your sobs a bit better, but you still felt so much pain.

" why... why are you with me loki...?" you were able to blurt out.

confusion. confusion was all that was written over his face. he also looked a bit hurt.

his stare started going around the room, trying to find an answer to your question. his hands, that previously were cupping your face, slid down to your throat and rested on your collarbone, his thumb drawing circles over your thyroid.

"what kind of question is that?" he said, annoyance in his voice. you were afraid you made him angry.

"loki... you can have anyone you want, alright? you're a god..." you said, tears still brimming the sides of your eyes.

loki looked at you with so much hurt, it was hard to keep eye contact.

" you're an 11, and i'm a two at best..." you proceeded. "most people, when they see us, out in public, or on social media, they must be thinking; "oh he must be absolutely mad going out with that..." you stopped yourself when you saw loki's facial expression go from hurt to raging.

"that what?" he asked firmly.

you didn't answer.

"THAT WHAT?" he screamed, making you jump.

he put a hand over his mouth, trying to calm himself down.

"how many times do i have to tell you, y/n?" he started. "you are my person. my woman. my everything. you are the most magnificent being my eyes ever laid upon. the most beautiful creature in all of the nine realms. can't you see? can't you? because i can. i see it everyday. i don't have to see you bare to know. never say that to me again, you understand? do you? do you understand?" he said, starting softly and becoming more firm.

his hands were still hanging by your collarbone, but you felt them grip at your skin, desperate for your understanding, for your touch, for you.

"... i" you started. "i d-do..." you stuttered through sniffles.

he looked at you directly in the eyes. you knew he loved you.

'but not enough.' you thought to yourself.

your love carefully placed his lips upon yours. his lips that you were familiar with. lips you kissed thousands of times. lips you loved. lips you longed for. you needed. the kiss he planted was one of the most delicate kisses he'd ever given you, but at the same time, one of the most passionate. it felt like all of the love he felt for you he poured out into you and in that moment, you felt like nothing could come between you two.

"p-please don't leave me, loki..." you cried out after the kiss.

"my love, my love, my love... never. i love you." he reassured you, stroking your hair.

he planted kisses all over your face, your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your eyelids, and then back to your lips, this time with more hunger. it was like all of the times he had to restrain himself, when you felt like you weren't ready, completely melted into that kiss. all of his passion, his love, his hunger, his despair, and more importantly his lust, he finally let it all out and you let it all in.

"loki..." you panted in between kisses.

"mmh... yes my love?" he said, intensifying and deepening his kisses more and more.

you hesitated. but you knew. you knew you were ready.

"i-...mmh... i want you." you said, desperation tinting your voice, sounding almost like a plea.

loki slowed down. he took a minute to look at you in the eyes. he wasn't sure what to say. he wasn't even sure what you were saying.

"what?" was all he could muster up to say.

you looked at him with a little more confidence and nodded slowly.

the look on his face was priceless. he would finally be able to be with you.

"a-are you sure about this, love?" he said, sounding like he had just won the lottery.

you nodded again.

he grabbed the sides of your head firmly and leaned in to kiss you once more. his hands trailed down the sides of your body and started playing with the blanket that you were still holding firmly in your hands. you were scared to let go. to be completely bare to him.

"i'm afraid you're gonna have to let this go, my darling." he whispered in you ear, taking the chance to leave a wet kiss on your lobe, slightly biting down on it.

he grabbed your shaking hands in his, drawing circles with his thumb softly against yours.

"give yourself to me, little one... let me see you, touch you, feel you, taste you. i beg... i beg of you." he whispered again, pressing his forehead against yours.

you breathed heavily. you wanted him to see you. to touch you, feel you...

the wall you had built had always seemed so hard to knock down... but in this moment though, that wall seemed to be made of silk. all you had to do was let it go.

"okay..." you said, in the softest voice you ever spoke.

you backed away from loki and walked backwards a few feet. you were now standing the back of your knees faced towards the end of the bed. loki was staring at you proufoundly, awaiting your reveal impatiently.

your hands were trembling. you had nightmares about this moment. you had panic attacks for this moment. this moment was everything. but something about loki... was it the way he stood? the way he spoke? was it his stare? something about him made you feel safe. safer than you had ever felt before tonight.

so you let go.

you felt the blanket reach your toes. you cringed. so you closed your eyes, not wanting to witness loki's disappointment. you awaited any second now a hurl, a disgusted sound or a hurtful comment. but none of that.

you carefully opened your eyes, only to find loki with a gaping mouth, having the most amazing look on his face. a look of pure love, of endless attraction and mesmerising lust.

he approached you slowly, making each of his step count. when he finally reached you, he immediately pressed his forehead against yours. though your eyes were staring down at your feet, you could feel his stare devouring you.

he carefully placed his hand upon yours and let it trail up your arm. then back down again, giving you chills.

he didn't say anything. not a word. what was he thinking?

"i... i look disgusting i know, i'm so sorry. i know i disappoint..." you said, starting to regret the blanket had reached the floor.

you heard loki sigh so heavily.

"you... have got to be joking, love..." were the first words he spoke after seeing your figure. you heard the smile through his voice.

"in all of my..." he started. you heard him swallow before continuing. "in all of my 1056 years of living... never... and i mean never... have i ever witnessed such beauty before this night. my sweet, sweet girl, i simply do not understand why you felt the need to hide."

his hand reached your face and kissed you so passionately, you felt a sort of... heat at the bottom of your stomach. it was an unfamiliar feeling.

that same hand made its way to your neck, then to your shoulder and started playing with one of your bra straps. eventually, he completely took it off and did the same with the other strap.

"you have no idea what you are doing to me right now..." the god said, in a lower, hungrier voice.

"what am i doing to you?" you asked, innocently.

in between kisses, you could feel loki smirk against your lips.

his hand went from your shoulder, trailed down your arm and grabbed your hand in his. he took it and before you knew it he pressed it upon himself. his black, silky, suit pants were showing a bulge in between his legs and that's exactly where he put your hand.

he was hard.

when you first touched it, you heard a whimper come from your lover. god, he needed you.

"this... this is what you are doing to me, darling."

you couldn't believe the words he was saying to you. you felt as though you were in a sort of dream. loki wanted you. he was... quite literally hard for you.

loki grabbed your hair and pulled your head back so you were looking at him. his eyes went extremely dark.

"lay down. on the bed. now." he demanded firmly.

you obeyed his commands in the blink of an eye. you were ready.

you laid down on the bed, on your backside, carefully. when you got comfortable you looked up at loki and saw him looking at you, with hungrier eyes. eyes that were darker and more lustful than ever. he was devouring you with his eyes and he made sure to capture every square inch of skin of your body.

with only a smirk and the flick of a hand on your partner's part, your bra disappeared in a light green magic, leaving your breasts uncovered and nipples starting to harden.

loki obviously couldn't contain himself any longer and almost jumped on top of you, kissing you savagely, making his way down your neck, leaving all sorts of love marks, some darker than others. some of them were painful but the pain only reminded you that this was real. when he got to your breasts, you could almost see his mouth water.

he carefully grabbed one with his hand, keeping eye contact with you the whole time.

"so soft, so plump... for me. oh god, sweetheart you're giving me such a delight"

and with no warning he started giving you small licks, around your nipple, carefully approaching your most sensitive part, which he enthusiastically started to flick with his tongue. the sudden pleasure rose your voice as you let out a small whimper, begging for more.

"yes... yes my sweet girl... let it out... show me how much you want this" he said in a raspier voice.

you found your fingers playing with his raven-black locks, as his mouth played with your brown-ish pink buttons.

he did so for some while, until he felt your hand grasp at his vest. you wanted him to reveal himself to you as well. he got the message pretty quickly.

he looked up from his meal, giving you the same amount of eye contact, as he took off his black blazer, black tie and black vest. all he had on were his bottoms but you were too worried about his beautiful torso to notice. you let your hands wonder on his pale chest, feeling the softness of his skin, some of his hair, up to his pecs, you couldn't believe it. how can this man become even more beautiful?

"like the view, my love?" he asked. you enthusiastically nodded.

he bent down to leave more love bites over your torso and your breasts. he started to slowly go down your body leaving kisses under your breast, going even nearer to the most insecure part of your body. you cringed and whimpered again, but this time in a less of a pleasurable manner, remembering all of your stretch marks and cellulite, knowing he'll be disappointed.

"i... couldn't... be... more... in... love..." he breathed out between his wet kisses. he was now definitely directly on your tummy.

he looked up, knowing you wouldn't like this part. he met your eyes and definitely noticed your hesitation.

he got back up, towering over you. he bent back down, catching your lips in his.

he carefully started stroking your hair, in the most loving manner you could ever imagine. he looked at you straight in the eyes, seeming like he was trying to deliver a message directly to your soul.

"what have i done to deserve you?" he asked, his voice choking in between his words.

those words completely melted your aching heart.

it was your turn to touch him. you said nothing as you slowly stroked his cheek with the back of your hand, giving him your approval by a shake of the head.

he smiled and his head disappeared to your stomach again.

you could feel his hands rome around your entire body and his mouth leaving wet kisses over your stomach. his long raven hair still trailed around higher up on your torso, nearer to your breasts.

he finally got to the place his own body longed for the most.

at this point you were completely damp and you awaited his reaction to your wetness impatiently.

he quickly gave you one of the hungrier and most impatient look you'd ever seen him give you.

he got up in front of the bed, looking you up and down like a predator looks at its prey and with the flick of hand, yet again, loki made your panties disappear in a light shimmering green magic, leaving you completely bare. all that was covering you up were your legs, still pressed firmly together.

loki carefully placed his hands over your bare knees. he could feel you trembling. was it from excitement? nervousness? or desire?

"open up for me, my love... let me in" he said in a demanding, pleading voice.

you slowly started to comply and let your legs go loose. your lover took it upon himself and slowly spread your thighs apart. he couldn't believe his eyes.

he was letting himself finally see your aching core. he could see it glistening, it was calling to him, begging for his touch. he was the one the one responsible and he'd never felt prouder. he admired every fold, every forgotten hair you missed while shaving, everything about it was inviting.

"oh my sweet sweet girl... look at the state of you. don't you understand how long i've been waiting? to see you in this position, completely at my mercy, legs spread, only for me..."

he gulped and whimpered at the sight of you, as you spread you legs even further. he could feel the tightness in his pants become almost unbearable. he'd never been this aroused before in his entire life. but first, he needed a taste of you.

he slowly started leaving wet kisses over your thighs, getting closer and closer to your velvet folds. his hands traveled your entire body. your body, that felt as though it had been set on fire. he once again cupped one of your breasts and started flicking your nipples with his fingertips. you let yet another whimper escape your lips, needing him more than you've ever needed anyone.

you felt his hot breath against your wet love box and that was all it took to make you go insane.

"p-please..." you pleaded to the god.

he took your scent in, smelling the most mouth-watering aroma he ever got the chance to smell in all of his 1000 years.

"you don't have to ask me twice, my sweetness..." were his last words before delving in.

he placed his fingers upon your aching core, exploring all of your folds, he couldn't believe how wet you were.

"darling... you are dripping..."

he let his fingers trail for a few seconds, until they reached your entrance. he circled it with the tip of his finger as he finally placed his lips right on top of your sensitive button.

the sudden, unfamiliar sense of pleasure, completely took you by surprise as you yelped.

his tongue peaked through after a few kisses planted on your clitoris. it circled in the same motions his finger was making to your entrance. he was so soft, so cautious. but you could feel the heat in the bottom of your stomach growing darker, more demanding so you placed you hands on the top of your lover's head, brushing your fingers through his hair and slightly pushing his head down on your core.

loki got the message, as his circles became more passionate and as he started flicking his tongue aggressively at your core.

you felt your entire body tremble in desire as loki's finger plunged itself in between your folds, exploring your insides.

you were now moaning deliberately, wanting him to add digits. you thought you'd be more resistant, you thought it'd be a little painful, even but all you could feel was pleasure.

"more..." you pleaded.

as the words were still hanging from your lips, loki plunged yet another finger in, and this time, you did feel a little resistance but you didn't care. you wanted him. you wanted him so much.

his tongue was working wonders on your clit. you would think the man hadn't eaten in days at the sight of him. he was completely devouring you and you could feel the pleasure build up inside of you.

the mixture of his fingers pumping in and out of you, and his tongue flicking at your sensitive button, all of it was too much for you to handle. you felt something was coming.

"loki... l-loki... something... something's happening." you panted, in between moans.

he didn't stop. he knew what he was doing. he went harder, his tongue completely destroying you.

"i can feel it as well... your heat... your wetness... let yourself come undone, my sweet... for me" he whispered, panting, in between licks.

'come undone?' you thought. but before you knew it, you felt it. the highest peak of pleasure your body had ever felt in its life. you felt your thighs squeeze around the god's head, squashing him a little. you didn't want to hurt him but you couldn't contain yourself, as you screamed his name, not believing that amount of pleasure was even possible. it was electrifying. your whole body reacted, you were sweating. you put your hand over your mouth and bit down your finger to stop yourself from becoming a screaming mess, but it was already too late, as you rode your orgasm out to the last bit of pleasure you could conquer up.

"you taste even sweeter than i thought you would, sweet girl" he said, giving the nickname a whole different meaning.

you let out a huge sigh, slowly coming back to your senses. you looked up as loki got up from between your legs, his hand still caressing your folds slowly and placed a delicate kiss on your lips. you tasted what you thought was yourself. oddly enough, you didn't cringe, you hadn't found yourself to taste disgusting. it was... kind of erotic actually.

"loki i..." you started. you didn't know how to ask. "i want to..." you sighed out.

"say it, darling" he said, stroking your hair, still caressing in between your legs.

"i want to taste you... too" you finally let out.

you wanted to make him feel as good as he made you feel. you wanted to thank him in a way.

he was surprised. he didn't think you were ready.

"you made me feel so good today... i want to reciprocate the feeling... y'know..." you said, shyly.

loki's hand pulled at your hair to make you look at him.

"is that what you want?" he asked, firmly. he grabbed your hand and slowly pressed it yet again on his throbbing member, through his tightening pants.

he sighed heavily, still looking at you straight in the eyes.

you nodded, slowly. he smirked.

"then, get on your knees."

you obeyed.

you liked how he commanded you and guided you through all of your movements. you were nervous he wasn't going to enjoy, but the anticipated look on his face told you otherwise. also, the throbbing length in his pants.

you were now on your knees, on the floor, at the end of the bed and loki was sitting, his still clothed legs spread, inviting you in.

you started to slowly stroke his thigh, rubbing your hand up and down, each time getting closer to his private. you did the same thing with his other thigh, feeling the god getting impatient with your teasing.

you finally placed your hand over his member, giving it a small squeeze. you heard your lover grunt, at only your touch.

"you're eager" you stated, looking up at him. he gave you a smirk.

"less talking." he said, darkly.

you complied, massaging his bulge through his pants.

when you finally unzipped them, you heard your lover let out a sigh of relief. you wanted to bring them down to his ankles, but loki, being impatient, made them disappear in his green magic.

"hey. let me work." you said, in more of a joking way.

"i said... less talking" he repeated.

you noticed a small wet spot on his grey boxers. you bent down, without touching it, smelling it.

you felt the god squirm under you, eager to feel you around him.

you carefully, and slowly took his boxers down, letting his member spring free of its shackles, finally revealing itself to you.

he was huge. it was veiny, its tip was a dark pink, almost red, it was pale like the rest of his body. but most importantly, it was enormous.

"like the view, my love?" he asked for the second time that night.

you nodded your head enthusiastically. all you wanted was to get a taste.

you carefully approached your hand to the hot spot. the second your fingers reached his skin, loki whimpered. it was burning up, but it was so soft. you felt the veins under your fingertips, and suddenly it was like you knew exactly what to do. you carefully started stroking him and ran your thumb over the most sensitive part of his shaft, his frenulum, and heard him whimper once again.

"please" he pleaded, imitating your pleas from earlier.

"you don't have to tell me twice" you imitated as well.

you approched his tip to your lips and delicately gave him a soft kiss. his skin was so warm.

you continued giving him small pecks but you felt him get, yet again, impatient with your teasing.

"oh come on..." he pleaded.

you looked at him. sweat was dripping down his forehead.

you then flipped his cock over, back to his stomach to give yourself full access to the base of his member. you placed your tongue directly in between his balls and shaft and worked your way up to his tip, making sure you passed by his sensitive junction between his red bulb and the rest of his penis. directly after, you put his tip in your mouth and started bobbing your head back and forth, tasting the drops of pre-cum he deposited on your tongue.

you heard him moan, some cusses flew out of his mouth, he moaned mainly your name, or called you by all sorts of nicknames.

"oh my, oh my... you're doing so good... mmh... g-good girl..." he moaned out.

his words were able to bring back that heat at the bottom of your stomach. you slowly directed your hand in between your thighs and started stroking your own bundle of nerves. loki didn't seem to notice, too lost in the waves of pleasure you were giving him.

he was now moaning deliberately. he tried... he really tried, but he couldn't contain himself anymore, he grabbed your head, pulled you by your hair and pushed your head down to take more of his shaft. you awaited a gag or any sort of resistance on your part, really, but nothing came.

loki got up from where he was sitting, your head still enveloping his shaft and started moving back and forth, you being completely at his mercy. he was deliberately fucking your face, and you let him.

he moaned your name so many times you'd lost count. he became more and more agressive with each thrust until all of his shaft was buried down your throat. he held your head down for a few seconds, gripping at your hair, letting his cock sit in your mouth, until he finally pulled out, a strand of saliva escaping your lips. he was out of breath, but not as much as you.

"you feel so good, my love. you're doing amazing" he said, panting.

you gave him a few kitten licks, asking for more. he buried his cock again down your throat, pumping in and out. he was fucking your face as though it was a cunt, using your throat as a mere hole that was made to mold his shaft perfectly.

you weren't gagging which surprised you. you'd never tested your gag reflex, but obviously you didn't have any.

you felt him go faster and faster until he once again, suddenly stopped as your head was completely enveloping his shaft. but this time, he started grunting and moaning, louder, in more of an animalistic way, holding your head down, hard, as deep as he could go.

"i- i'm cumming, love" he grunted out.

suddenly, you could taste bitterness, saltiness explode in your mouth, and run down your throat. your first instinct was to spit it out, but your god kept your head in place, making you swallow. it felt never ending. he kept cumming and cumming. you thought the taste would repulse you, from what you had heard from friends and the internet, but you honestly didn't find it to be that disgusting.

he stayed in that same position, holding your head in place, for another ten to fifteen seconds after he came. you felt his cock twitch in your mouth and he finally removed himself.

you took a deep breath, considering you could finally breathe properly.

loki knelt down to your level. he looked at your face. fortunately, you weren't wearing makeup, so no makeup to ruin. your eyes were red, tears had run down your face, you had spit all over the sides of your face, and some of loki's cum had fallen out of the corners of your mouth. he wiped it with his thumb and took it up to your mouth.

you sucked his thumb dry, tasting him yet again.

he gave you a loving smile.

"mine." he simply said, in a soft manner.

he then kissed you in the most loving way he could, tasting himself on your lips.

he then backed away, looking you up and down, noticing your hand still wondering around in between your thighs. he smirked and locked eyes with you.

"i think we're gonna have to take care of that." he said, as he got up. he was now standing up while you were still on your knees. you noticed his cock was hard again, once it got to your eye level. how was that even possible? how could he be hard again this quick? you had to remind yourself he did have the stamina of a god. he handed you his hand for you to take, which you did.

he got you up and carefully placed his hands on the sides of your head and started stroking your hair.

"are you still sure you want to do this my love?" he asked.

you chuckled.

"after what we've done? i'm pretty sure there's no backing up now?"

he gave you a confused look.

"of course there is. i'm not gonna do anything you're not comfortable doing, sweetheart." he said.

you sighed at your poor choice of words.

"and i know that." you started. "but i'm ready. i want you... loki."

he smiled yet again. he didn't say a word. he just kissed you. it was a passionate kiss, like all of your others that night. his hands roamed around your body as if it was discovering it again for the first time.

taking you by surprise, he lifted you up, flipped you around and threw you on the bed. never had you been picked up before. you always thought you'd break the person's spine. but loki lifted you up so easily, you felt like a feather.

"you're mine" the god grunted, as he plunged on top of you. he spread your legs open, as far as he could and positioned himself right between them.

he reached down to your bundle of nerves and drew circles with his fingers like he did earlier. he wound up plunging his fingers inside you yet again, prepping you for what was about to replace them. you could feel his length harden even more against your thigh, as he did so.

you started whimpering, wanting more than just his digits to fill you.

your whimpers were like music to loki's ears. he loved hearing how much you longed for him. he loved seeing you squirm under him. he enjoyed feeling all powerful, having that much control over you.

"take me" you sighed out, looking at your lover straight in the eyes. you couldn't hold it in anymore. you needed him. you needed him inside you. now.

he smirked as he bent down, to leave a soft kiss on your forehead.

"tell me when you want to stop, my darling. use your words." he asked of you.

you nodded, agreeing to his words, whilst trying to spread your legs even further.

his fingers left your core, leaving you needy and wanting to feel him once more, but they were quickly replaced by what you knew was his tip. he started slowly moving back in forth in between your folds, teasing at your entrance.

he gave you a look, pleading for approval.

you slowly nodded, ready to take him in.

you felt his his bulb starting to peak inside of you. you winced, feeling a slight resistance.

he stopped. but you nodded again, asking for him to continue.

as he buried his shaft deeper in you, it started to really hurt. for real this time.

"ow, ow. stop." you asked. "but stay inside. just stay... stay like this. let me- let me adjust."

he listened to you.

"are you okay, my love?" he asked, still halfway inside of you.

you nodded again, breathing heavily. you knew you could do it. you wanted to.

"p-... proceed." you said.

he listened to you again, burying himself entirely in you. he let out a loud grunt. your walls had adjusted to the size of his member and it felt less painful.

your lover moaned again.

"you.. are so tight, oh my. you feel so good." he panted.

you smiled. you loved seeing him in this much pleasure. you loved the passionate, lustful look on his face, all of it was for you.

he started moving back and forth, slowly, being really careful of each and every one of your movements, analyzing if you wanted to continue or not.

the first few thrusts were painful but eventually the pain left and absolute ecstasy took its place.

loki noticed the change in you and decided to give his thrusts more power, barely able to contain himself. he pumped in and out of your aching core at a medium rate. he wanted to go faster, harder but he stayed careful.

but you... you wanted more. you started clawing at loki's back, bringing him closer to you and leaving red scratches all over his back. you kissed his neck, his torso, leaving him the same bruises he left you earlier, though yours weren't as agressive as his. yours were small, red, but his eventually became huge purple bruises. and you had them all over your body. he started leaving you some more, on your neck, your collarbone, imitating your movements.

"more..." you pleaded.

he smirked against your skin, left you yet another passionate kiss on your lips and with that, his thrusts became harder, more agressive, much faster. you felt as if he was trying to crawl inside of you.

you both started moaning and screaming each other's names at the top of your lungs. your lover got up, detaching his torso from yours, trying to find an angle where he could go deeper inside of you. you wanted him back, missing the heat of his body. you reached out to him with your arm, but he firmly grabbed it, stopping you in your tracks. you were surprised. he looked down at you, staring at you straight in the eyes. his eyes went dark. his hand that had stopped your movement, trailed up from your hand, to you elbow and up your arm, until it reached the crook between your shoulder and your neck. his thumb drew circles over your cheek, then your chin and finally on your throat. you didn't even have the time to realise but his hand had completely wrapped itself around your throat, choking you slightly. you could still breathe completely fine, but his hand held your head in space, as his thrusts became even harder, if that was even possible.

he started panting, completely losing himself in the moment.

he bent down again, still holding your throat in his hand. he grabbed you and forced your face to be centimetres from his.

"mine." he said in a deep, grunting voice.

that word was the one that completely sent you over the edge. you could feel your walls clench around his member, your were close. you needed your release.

"loki... i'm close." you tried sighing out.

he understood you perfectly. the hand he wasn't using to choke you found its way down between your legs and started playing agressively at your clit.

"let go, baby... let go" he panted.

you couldn't hold it in anymore. you let your orgasm take control of your entire body. your legs were shaking, your hips started grinding against loki's, your hands scratched at his back even deeper, your eyes were rolling back inside your head, and your mouth gaped wide open, letting all sorts of cusses fly out of your mouth.

as you rode out your orgasm, you knew loki was close as well. seeing you in this intense state, all because of him, sent him over the edge and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer.

you started grinding your hips even more agressively, trying to meet his.

"come on, baby..." you whispered in his ear, leaving all sorts of wet kisses and hickey's all over his body.

you ran your finger through his curls, pulling at his hair.

and that's when you knew. you felt his hand grasped at your throat even tighter, making you gasp for air. he stopped moving, buried deep inside of you.

"oh my fu..." he started, moaning loudly.

you had made some research about how it would be like to have someone cum inside of you. you found out most people couldn't feel it. but you did. you felt all of it. you felt a warmth completely invade your insides, it kept coming and coming, just like earlier but this time inside of you.

loki's hand was still wrapped around your throat, holding it firmly, but as his orgasm ended, he eventually loosened his grasp.

when he finally stopped coming, as he was still buried inside you, he finally looked up at you and left a wet kiss your lips.

"i love you" he said, out of breath.

"i love you too."

loki looked down and smirked, taking his hand off your throat.

"no... don't say it like that... don't say "too"... it sounds like you're just agreeing with me. say it for real..."

you scoffed a little, thinking his request to be a little ridiculous. but you understood. you ran your fingers through his raven locks, held his head between both your hands, making him look at you.

"i love you, loki... i love you." you said softly, staring into his ocean blue eyes.

he gave you a wide smile and kissed you once more. he gave you a kiss full of love and passion.

after your kiss, he slowly pulled out of you. you felt so full, a second ago, the absence of his shaft between your legs contrasted so much with the empiness you now felt.

loki bent down again between your thighs to watch his seed run out of you. it felt yet again, never ending, but loki watched attentively.

"what a beautiful sight... may i snap a picture?" he said, jokingly.

"shut up..." you said in the same tone.

he gave you one last lick to your core and licked his lips, not minding his cum, plastered over your folds.

"i'll get a towel..." he said, leaving one last peck on your lips.

"thank you, honey..." you thanked him softly.

as you layed, completely naked on your bed, you thought.

you no longer felt restrained in your own skin, not around him at least. he made you feel seen, loved, desirable. you hated your body a little bit less, now. you might even try eating in front of people! maybe... you and loki didn't just have sex that night. you made love. he didn't just take your virginity, he made you into a better, improved version of yourself.

you were never more in love with him than in that moment.

loki came back with a light pink towel. he rose your hips up in the air and deposited it under you. he used the other end of the towel to wipe his seed off you.

once you were clean, loki got back off the bed and put the towel back in the bathroom.

he joined you in bed and wrapped his arms around you.

you felt so good. better than you had in years. with him. you felt so loved.

you didn't want to move, but you remembered you had to pee after a sexual intercourse... you read it in a blog.

you nudged loki, trying to get off the bed, but loki held you back, making it impossible for you to move.

"don't... even think about it." he said firmly under his breath.

you chuckled.

"i'm gonna get a urinary tract infection... and it's gonna be on you." you said in an accusing manner.

"darling, i'm a god... i have super powers, you're not gonna get a... whatever sort of infection you're talking about."

you scoffed, nuzzling your nose in the crook of his neck, sighing heavily.

loki left a loving kiss on the top of your head and held you tighter.

"you're mine... all mine."

+++

word count: 7395.... comment if you liked it loveys!! what was your favourite part?

[i-like-yoongi-a-latte]

As the year is ending, I decided to do this thing again: people who made my year better 💕

If I didn't mention you, I still love you and wish that the new year treats you well ✨ Happy New Year lovelies! 💜

Just a little warning, I got a bit emotional while writing these so they might be a bit weird. These aren't in any order, I love you all 💕

@reedskz I am so so so glad we started talking and I'm also sorry for not being the best at messaging but know that I adore you and wish that next year brings you many Felix pcs because you deserve it 💝 annnnd your gifs are amazing like you 💖 it makes me a bit emotional to think that you're my first stay friend, ily 🥺

@yjbg Ellu my beloved, I can't even begin to describe how happy I am that I sent you some memes to start a conversation (because I can't be normal <3) and overall I'm just so glad you exist!!! I love to have someone who I can spam tag in things! 💝 Like what are the odds that you like 1D (even just a little bit), hockey AND kpop, like me? And that we have the same nickname? Also I'm proud of you and you'll do great in your studies, I will be your personal cheerleader, I love you!! *insert Jin sending flying kisses here* p.s. you're pretty 💘

@diazactually okay, where to start... If you're a friend of my friend, you're automatically my friend, and even if we haven't talked that much, just know that you're amazing and I laugh at your jokes a bit too much 💕 I also think it's kinda funny how similar interests we have, but it's also very nice to be able to compare favorite characters etc because it can tell about the person somehow (when will I send you messages about analyzing some characters or scenes who knows) thank you for making my dash filled with buddie and 9-1-1, you're amazing❣️ + you can psychoanalyze me and my ask game replies anytime I promise

@firefighter-diaz my dear Elisa, we haven't seen in ages (it sucks) but I love to hear about the 9-1-1 episodes in dms and yell with you 💓 I'm telling you all, if I ask one (1) question I get 5 gifsets and 8 messages explaining what happened or what lead to it. You made me listen to Taylor's new albums because I saw you enjoying them, also you're an amazing gifmaker and you're so warm like you radiate warmth and comfort! ☀ I am amazed by your skills and I'm proud of you, and everything you do

@sepastian-ahoey Iina, the Sepe to my Teukka, why haven't we seen (it's because of me I'm just at home and never moving) anyways you're always there for me and I will be there for you. You may know this (or not) but I was super worried about your workload this past year because you seemed to have so much stuff going on, I may not have said it but I'm amazed at how you managed to survive. And I'm super proud of you!! I adore you! 💖

@juhollamago ah Tiia my almost-alarm-clock-for-wjc (before they canceled the whole thing) because I couldn't remember when team Finland played and I missed a game doing all kinds of nonsense instead. Is it time for me to yell now? Because I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. My friend is a hockey journalist everyone!!!! You're so awesome and funny and I admire you because you seem like the type who isn't afraid to say what you think or want. Let's pretend this heart is a burnt gingerbread, made with love for you 🖤

@ahoontheshelf Kinga, my sweet dear friend 💕 you're like a warm hug, you brighten up my days a lot with sweet messages!! Like if I treat tumblr as my diary and you send me a message I get so happy... You fill my dash with all kinds of aesthetic posts and your edits are cool and you're very cool and pretty. I wish all the best for you, always❣️

@fangirlinglikealoon & @heiskasmiro my dear gc friends who are very pretty and make my days better when being crazy in the gc, I couldn't separate you because you both are inspiring and amazing and funny and I love your pets too 💝 one of the best choices in my life was to press like on the post that was about making a gc, I will never stop saying it, ily 💘 I love it how we can talk about some random things like how meme is Mikko and then suddenly things take a wild turn and we have deep conversations about things. Just know that I adore you 💕

@punkrockmutiny I think you're one of the sweetest people ever, and when you asked for a Christmas card from me I was jumping around in happiness (I hope the card didn't get lost...) because it was the first time I sent a card abroad and it made me feel so special lolol anyways I adore you and you're so pretty and cool which makes you pretty cool 💜

@suklaakuppikakku my dear amazing friend we haven't seen in ages but you know I'm sending you the biggest hug and squeezing you tightly 💕 I'm really hoping that we'll be able to go see games in summer without being anxious about getting sick!! I don't say this enough but I really admire you ❣️ I wish next year will be gentle for you

@joel-farabee we don't really talk but I'm so happy to be mutuals with you and I smile so much when I see you in my notes!! And when you said that I made your day once by sending you flower emojis I almost cried at it because it was so sweet of you 🌸

@hibernating-heart I have to mention how happy I got to see that a fellow Finn likes hockey/canes and kpop and I was like omg a friend!! And you're a great content creator! That said, I like the Finnish sayings and Canes posts the most 🤭 You seem cool I wish I knew how to talk to people because I'd like to get to know you 🥺

Mentioning some people I have been mutuals with for some time and saying thank you for tolerating my changing obsessions, you make my dash full of fun content and make me smile when your urls are in my notes, you deserve all the good things 💕

@caixxa 💗

@tonyhawkpr0skater2 💞

@coffeeandgunpowder 💝

@finnishhockeyelf ❤️

@prettyboyroope 💖

@nikolajehlers 💚

@lily-blue-blue-lily 💛

@c-hartwriteshockey 🧡

@thewestishharpooners 💓

@bortuzzzzin 💙

@thehockeytrashkingdom 💞

@pyotranatolevichkochetkov ❣️

@matthewlillard 💘

@fairylightslt 💕

[tweedlydumbtweedlydoo]

a Ghost: Elijah Mikaelson x reader

Requested by anon // Summary: You’re Elijah’s first love and close to the rest of the Mikaelson’s. You move to New Orleans with a friend and Rebekah spots you out in town, shocked because you’re supposed to be dead, or thought to be dead. Elijah had moved on and tried to forget about his first love so doesn’t know what to think and when he sees you again, all his feelings and memories come back to him.

A/N: Wow so i am so sorry for taking so long to get this out. However, I actually really love how this turned out and I’m pretty proud. I hope you guys like it!! xx 

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: OPEN {CLOSED}

** Who I Write For **

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

how is this man so freaking SEXY ugh 

“Can you believe we’re here!” You hold your hands out, spinning in a circle in the middle of bourbon street; a smile plastered on your face. The lights flashed all around you and the music from multiple bars and restaurants echoed through the streets.

“It was our dream.” Your best friend, y/bf/n, wraps her arm around your shoulder as the two of you continue down the street. You two had met in college and instantly became friends. It turns out the two of you were hiding a secret; both of you were vampires. After graduating with yet another degree, you two decided to take your life down south to the Big Easy; New Orleans.

“And look at us living it!” You wrap your arm around her waist, squeezing her side.

Rebekah watches from her balcony when a woman spins around in the middle of the street. There was a certain thing about her that seemed familiar. The way she carried herself, the laugh and smile on her face. It was one she hadn’t seen in years; over 150 years to be exact. There was no way. You had burned in the church before Elijah could save you. When he’d received word of your arrest, he’d headed straight for the church but when he’d arrived, the place was up in flames. The council had rounded up various vampires around town and you somehow made it into the church. The thing he hadn’t understood; you were human. Why were you put into the church?

There was no way that was you. You were human and died in that church that day. Rebekah’s hands gripped the railing as she watched the two of you head into a bar. Maybe she was wrong. She shakes the image out of her head and heads back inside to her room, putting you out of her mind. You, her best friend, and Elijah’s love, was dead, burned to a crisp 150 years ago. That was not you.

“What seems to be bothering you, sister?” Elijah asks as they all have sat down for dinner. Rebekah had been awfully quiet for her usual self and it raised suspicions. The woman next to Elijah kisses his cheek as she sits next to him.

Rebekah vomited on the inside a little at the sight. It was a woman who years and years ago, had once been something with Elijah, was now back in their life again. He’d come home to New Orleans with her on his arm. He said they were in love once again; which Rebekah knew was a lie.

Elijah cried for years to Rebekah about the one love of his life, y/n; the one he’d lost in a fire. The only love of his life. He’d never find someone like her or find a love like they once had. Rebekah knew this was her brother’s way of coping once again. Before this one, there’d been other women who Elijah used to fill the void in his heart. None of them ever amounted to his y/n. Within 2 weeks the women were dead or had left in the night.

Rebekah didn’t want to get her brother’s hopes up. There was no way it was you… unless someone on the inside turned you. Unless you had vampire blood in your system.

“Nothing, dear Elijah. Just bored of life is all.” Rebekah answers.

~

You’d been with the woman who was identified as a vampire and because you were standing next to her, they assumed you were one as well. Especially when you tried to defend her and fight them off. It’d been a mistake on their part.

They’d knocked you out and carried you to the church with the rest of them. The sounds of screams and burning flesh encircled you and you coughed at the smoke as it filled your lungs. You looked around for an exit but there was none. All were blocked or tied off. Your hand went to your necklace, one given to you by Elijah. You held it up to the fire and noticed there was red inside; You opened it and instantly the iron smell of blood filled your nostrils. He wouldn’t… would he? You brought the necklace to your lips before the smoke took your life.

You’d awoke later by the creek side and a not so familiar face by your side. One of the Salvatore brothers had pulled you from the fire before the building collapsed.

~

As if it was fate, Rebekah stood at her balcony a few days later and the same woman showed up at the street below. It was then, she finally managed to get a good look. A gasp escaped her mouth; It was you alive and well.

She quickly left her place at the balcony and headed to the courtyard where Klaus sat at the table. Elijah was seated at the other end, a cup of tea in hand and the so-called woman he loved seated next to him. “Ah sister, you care to join us for tea?” Elijah asks, motioning to the tray of tea in front of him.

Rebekah shook her head, “No..” She didn’t know how to tell them. How to explain what she saw. They’d never believe her; they’d call her crazy for thinking such a thing. She needed to have proof. So she quickly left for the streets and found you standing on the corner, looking at a map. Rebekah was not a normal woman of course. So, as quickly as she could, she ran to your side, broke your neck and carried you back to the compound. You never knew what had hit you.

~

Rebekah was carrying you over her shoulder as she walked back into the courtyard. Both brother’s stood as their sister walked in, a woman on her shoulder.

“What in the hell?” Klaus asks.

Rebekah walks to the nearest couch, “Brace yourself… This might be a shock.” Rebekah gently lays your body on the couch. Klaus’ eyes go wide at the sight.

“There’s no… that can’t be.” He breaths, stepping closer for a better look.

Rebekah looks up at Elijah who’s eyes are staring at your body, as if he’s seeing a ghost. He slowly pushes the chair back. The woman next to him stands as well, “Elijah? Who is that?”

Elijah’s eyes has filled with tears as he steps closer, “Rebekah, this must be a joke.” Elijah speaks as looks at his sister.

Rebekah shakes her head, “it is her brother.. I don’t know how but it’s her. Check the left wrist.”

Elijah gulps and slowly drops to your side. As soon as his hand grasps your wrist, it’s as if an electric shock runs through his body. The memories, the woman, he’d wished to forget is brought back to life, like a ghost.

He blinks back tears as he checks the left wrist. There faded is the black ink of his initials. It wasn’t appropriate for woman to get tattoos but a witch nearby did a spell. The only person to see the tattoo would be Elijah, the love of your life. It was the same for him. He pulled the left cuff sleeve up, there on his left wrist in black ink was your initials. Something only you, the love of his life would see.

“It’s her.” He breaths out in shock. His hand hovers over your cheek as if he’s to touch you, you’d disappear, like a ghost. “Oh, my sweet darling y/n…”

As soon as his hand touches your cheek, you’re awake, gasping for air. the Mikaelson’s step back in shock. You woke up quicker than expected. “Where the hell… what the hell…” You quickly sit up, your body going into fight mode. You look around the room and your eyes fall on a familiar pair next to you, “Elijah…” Your hand reaches out to touch his cheek and when you feel flesh, you let out a sob. It wasn’t a dream this time. You’d dreamed of this moment for years and years and it’d finally come true.

The Vampire Diaries / The Originals tag list: @thefandomplace​ , @taylordrunkonwhiskey , @somewhatasoftbaddie , @toomuchtv​ , @losers-club6​ , @daddydobrockk , @akshi8278​

*if your name is crossed out, tumblr will not let me tag you 

All my works tag list:  @blossomreed​ , @mggstyles​  , @simonsbluee​

[yan-twst]

♡masterlist II♡

-> apparently there is a 100 link limit on tumblr posts, and i hit that on my past masterlist! so this will be the second page for it to continue ^^ masterlist I can be found here: [x]

✧individual characters✧

ruggie with a darling who grew up in poverty

ruggie cuddling with his darling

floyd + RSA basketball team darling

floyd + cuddling after a bad day

leona having dinner with his family when cheka brings up his darling

cheka asking leona why he hasn’t married his darling

leona with a darling who likes meat as much as he does

malleus with a darling who owns a tamagotchi

malleus with a part-dragon darling 

malleus celebrating his darling’s birthday

sebek with an affectionate darling

sebek + breakfast in bed

azul taking his darling to a school reunion

ace and his darling’s first date

epel with a supportive darling

ortho hyping idia to propose to his darling

lilia general relationship headcanons

deuce accidentally slipping into delinquent mode in front of his darling

floyd with a darling who cooks

lilia with a busty darling

✧various characters✧

beast tamer darling (lilia, floyd)

characters with a darling who treats their wounds (jade, floyd, jack, ruggie)

characters with a darling who clings to them when scared (floyd, jade, malleus, lilia)

characters with a darling who's scared of bugs (leona, malleus, floyd, jade)

characters with a darling who falls off their broom (floyd, jade, malleus, jamil, lilia)

characters with a little sibling who attends nrc with them (malleus, leona, azul, jade, floyd)

characters with a darling who’s decided to stay in twisted wonderland (malleus, ace, floyd)

characters with a darling who shrunk due to magic (malleus, riddle, floyd) 

characters with a darling who uses a wheelchair (jamil, jade, trey, deuce, jack, idia)

going to the waterpark! (ace, deuce, grim)

characters when their darling proposes to them (jade, floyd, jamil, lilia)

playing mousetrap (cheka, ortho)

characters when their darling is late to their date (jade, floyd, jamil, vil, riddle)

characters with a fae darling whose wings were cut off in the past (sebek, malleus, azul)

characters with a darling who doesn’t talk because they dislike their voice (jamil, kalim, jade, floyd, malleus)

characters with a darling with terrible luck (vil, riddle, malleus, azul, jamil)

characters with a darling who teases them for being serious (deuce, riddle, malleus)

characters taking care of their sick darling (ace, trey, leona, lilia)

characters when grim turns into a human and hangs around their crush (azul, jade, floyd, ace, deuce)

short characters waking up one foot taller than they used to be (riddle, epel, lilia)

characters when rook follows their younger sibling around (leona, malleus, azul, jade, floyd)

✧dorm leaders✧

dorm leaders with a touch starved darling

dorm leaders + a laid back darling who likes to prank others

dorm leaders + their darling having an anime waifu / husbando

dorm leaders + their darling stressing over their future in twisted wonderland

dorm leaders + finding out their crush is a lesbian 

dorm leaders + a darling who has to return home because they’re the family’s breadwinner

dorm leaders + an usually cold and inexpressive darling smiling at them

dorm leaders + fragile and soft reader (platonic headcanons)

✧first years✧

first years + their darling using their clothes 

first years + their darling sending them anonymous gifts

first years + receiving friendship bracelets

first years + a crush who can change their appearance at will

first years + sleepover at ramshackle

first years + lesbian MC

first years + their darling dealing with a human grim

✧dorms✧

heatslabyul + insecure darling

heartslabyul + a vampire darling who needs blood

heartslabyul + a darling who eats the “eat me” cake or drinks the “drink me” potion

scarabia & diasomnia + darling who covers their eyes because they change colours with their feelings

heartslabyul + temperature soulmate AU

diasomnia + a darling who uses pet names

octavinelle + bartender darling

octavinelle + a darling who can sing to heal

scarabia & pomefiore + a darling who is immune to poison

octavinelle + sushi chef darling

savanaclaw + a darling who likes to pet their tails to relieve anxiety

✦yandere individual characters✦

yan!malleus with a selkie darling who willingly gives him their pelt

yan!malleus (and non-yan malleus) with a winged fae darling

yan!malleus who turns into a small animal and his darling has to care for him

yan!leona with a darling who acts caring for cheka

yan!epel headcanons

yan!kalim with a darling who puts up with being locked up

yan!trey general headcanons

yan!cater yandere alphabet A, E, J, K, N, T, U

yan!kalim with a gold digger darling

yan!idia marriage scenario

yan!azul with a darling who was bullied

yan!leona with a darling who doesn’t care he’s possessive

yan!leona with a tiger beastman darling

yan!lilia with a reincarnating darling

yan!malleus with a darling with a bad home life

yan!trey getting jealous of his darling paying attention to idia

yan!azul (and also regular azul) being pampered by his darling

yan!jamil with a darling who faints due to iron deficiency

yan!vampire vil scenario

yan!rook general headcanons

yan!azul with a darling who refuses to give him attention

malleus + yan alphabet (a, e, k, l, v, y)

✦yandere prompt stories✦

yan!azul with yandere prompt 3: “in the end... you’re only good for being with me. you’re useless at anything else, aren’t you?”

yan!kalim with yandere prompt 4: “i’m sorry for stealing your personal belongings... now that you’re here forever, i can return them!

yan!leona with yandere prompt 5:  “you have no idea... the things i’ve done while thinking of you, darling...”

yan!azul with yandere prompt 7:  “it’s cute how you think you have a choice!”

yan!azul with yandere prompt 9: “if you think of leaving, i’ll make death seem like a blessing to you.”

yan!rook with yandere prompt 10: “aah, forgive me for what i must do... i just can’t live on without you...!”

yan!jamil with yandere prompt 11: “feeling dizzy? well, it’s too late to realize: you already ingested what i slipped in your drink.” 

yan!lilia with yandere prompt 12:  “sure, i’ll let you run away. but if i catch you... then it’s fair game for me to do what i want.”]

yan!malleus with yandere prompt prompt 18: “i tried my best to be a normal lover… but it simply won’t work. you understand, right?”

yan!kalim with yandere prompt 19: “the outside is so dangerous, don’t you see? if i wasn’t here to protect you, who knows what would happen to you...”

yan!malleus with yandere prompt 22:  “you’re so sweet... i’m addicted to your presence.”

yan!trey with yandere prompt 23: “i don’t care if it’s the drugs making you speak; say you love me, again.”

yan!riddle with yandere prompt 24: “don’t look at me like that... you know i do everything i do because i love you.”

yan!leona with yandere prompt 25:“those bruises... did i do that...?”

yan!jamil with yandere prompt 28: “don’t you get it? i’m in charge here- you’re basically a glorified servant.”

yan!sebek with yandere prompt 31:“i ordered you to stay quiet. stop crying.”

yan!malleus with yandere prompt 33: “i didn’t mean to- no, god, i love you so much…! how could i have done this?”

yan!azul with yandere prompt 34:  “that’s right, just accept me... you’ll be so happy with me...”

yan!malleus with yandere prompt 35: “i wish i could love you the normal way.”

yan!lilia with yandere prompt 36: "your fear is so delicious to me"

yan!malleus with yandere prompt 37: "you look beautiful when you sleep... i'd know- i watched you, after all"

yan!riddle with yandere prompt 39:  "don't you dare think of anyone other than me"

yan!vil with yandere prompt 40: "i wish i didn't need to make you drink love potions for you to act caring, darling" 

yan!sebek with yandere prompt 42: "this is your last warning. either you're obedient, or i'll make you obedient"

yan!silver with yandere prompt 43:  "all i ever asked was for you to love me back... are you so selfish you won't even give me that?"

yan!azul with yandere prompt 47: "did you think you could escape me...? don't you know we're meant for each other? you're destined to return to me"

yan!epel with yandere prompt 48: "i never claimed to be a good person. if you didn't want this to happen, you shouldn't have made me fall in love with you"

yan!jamil with yandere prompt 66: “i like having power over you, don’t you get it? there’s no way to get out of this.”

yan!rook with yandere prompt 112: “i’ve been watching you for a while. i know your routine, your habits; i fell in love with how you act when you think nobody is looking.”

yan!ace with yandere prompt 117:  “ah, it’s ok to be angry at me… kick me, yell at me…! i don’t care what you do, just being near you is heaven!”

yan!deuce with yandere prompt 118: “i’d do anything for you. and i mean it; the law means nothing if it’s something you ask of me.”

yan!jade with  yandere prompt 119: “ah… you punched me- that’s ok, too. i hope it bruises; i want a mark to remind me your lovely hands were on my skin.”

✦yandere various characters✦

yan!characters reading their darling's diary and finding their secret (riddle, azul, leona, jamil, malleus)

yan!characters with a darling who has difficulty sleeping (leona, azul, floyd, jade)

yan!characters when someone is getting too close to their darling (leona, jamil, vil)

yan!characters when a secret admirer sends their darling a gift (riddle, ruggie, azul, kalim, epel, malleus)

yan!characters when their darling jokes they love someone else (leona, azul, idia, malleus, jade, floyd)

yan!characters with a darling who collects venomous snakes (azul, malleus, vil)

yan!characters when their darling escapes back to their world (azul, floyd, rook)

yan!characters with a darling who likes to go to parties (malleus, leona, vil)

yan!characters with a winged darling (lilia, azul, malleus)

yan!characters with a darling who wants to love them back (ruggie, trey, kalim)

yan!malleus falling for lilia’s spouse / yan!lilia falling for malleus’ spouse

yan!characters bullying their darling to get their attention (ace, floyd)

✦yandere dorm leaders / vice dorm leaders✦

yan!dorm leaders when another yan!dorm leader’s darling comes to them for refuge

yan!dorm leaders with a darling who refuses to eat any food they didn’t cook

yan!dorm leaders celebrating their darling’s birthday post-capture

yan!dorm leaders when their darling begs for them to kill them

yan!dorm leaders when their darling asks them to kill someone

yan!dorm leaders celebrating their darling’s birthday

yan!dorm leaders with a darling who they can’t wake up with a true love’s kiss

yan!vice dorm leaders general relationship headcanons (includes nsfw for 18+ characters)

✦yandere first years✦

yan!first years seeing their darling have their first kiss with someone else

✦yandere dorms✦

yan!savanaclaw working together to catch a sneaky darling

yan!octavinelle with a darling who can overpower the tweels

yan!scarabia + yan!savanaclaw with a darling who has a nightmare of them leaving

yan!pomefiore + yan!savanaclaw with a stockholm syndrome darling

yan!scarabia + yan!octavinelle with a genie darling

pomefiore yan alphabet (a, c, n, o)

♡nsfw stuff♡

[NSFW] idia + darling in thigh-highs

[NSFW] yan!trey + male darling

[NSFW] cater + blushy darling

[NSFW] lilia + breeding kink

[mymelodyheart]

All I Want For Christmas Is You Chapter 6 ~Christmas Treats~

 Picture Source

Previously in Rollover Rollo ...

"That's my dog!"

She let out a throaty laugh. "Oh, that's fine then! I'll keep him with me until I'm done with my bath. And then I'll bring him over to you."

"Why didn't ye tell me it's a dog ye're with?"

"Did I not? I'm sorry I was distracted feeding him croissant with butter. I hope that's alright with you."

"I thought you were having breakfast with another man in yer bathrobe!" His voice held a slightly accusatory tone.

"Well, you thought wrong. So, you're alright with Rollo having croissant with butter? He seems to love it."

He counted backwards, starting from ten, and when he was done, he almost laughed out loud. Knowing Claire didn't mind having his dog around her, made him like her even more. "Aye, that's alright, Sassenach. A wee treat once in a while, never did him harm. Speaking of treats, I could use one too actually."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I'm coming over to tell ye." And then he hung up before she could respond and made a dash out of the door.

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

If you wish to read this from the beginning:

AO3 link

Tumblr link

 Ah, son of a monkey! He's coming! Claire stepped away from the window and yanked the curtain back, her eyes darting here, there and everywhere in the living area of her B&B cottage.

Her gaze landed on Rollo. "Well, come on then. What are you waiting for? Daddy's coming to get you." She clapped both hands on her thighs. "There's a good boy. Come on ...come here." 

Rollo didn't budge. Instead, he let out a doggy whimper and lowered himself onto the rug, laying his head on his paws. He was looking at her as if to say, "No-uh. I'm staying."

Oh for the love of God! She didn't have time for this. Unsure what to do next, she walked back and forth on the same spot. The plan had been to slip Rollo through the door when Jamie came, so he didn't have to see her morning look. She probably still looked puffy from all the alcohol she drank last night and her skin blotchy as a result of over-indulgence. 

Digging deep into the pocket of her bathrobe, she pulled out a band and quickly tied her hair back. Without a mirror in sight, she knew already her untamed wisps of curls sprang in all directions. Fudge, fudge, fudge. Maybe she could quickly run to the bathroom and do something about her unruly locks.

There was a knock on the door. Claire stilled and groaned in exasperation. Too late! 

She glared at Rollo. "You think this is funny? Your daddy is going to run to the nearest hill when he sees me like this." But Rollo remained where he was and looked away. "Fine! Stay where you are, you ungrateful mutt! No more croissants for you. Ever. Do you hear me?"

Another knock ensued. "Sassenach?"

"I'm coming!"

"I can hear ye talking to Rollo."

"Give me a sec!" She smoothed back her hair and pulled the ties of her bathrobe tighter. Squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath, rolled her lips to plump them and opened the door.

"Hi!" Jamie greeted as soon as he saw her. With his hands shoved in the pocket of his sweatshirt, he was shifting on his feet to keep warm. His cheeks were ruddy from the cold, hair tousled by the wind, and a shadow of a day-old beard hugged his jaw. "G' morning!"

Her own greeting was stuck in her throat, as her heart leapt at the wide grin on his face.

He arched an eyebrow. "Are ye letting me in? It's bloody freezing out here, and ye're letting the cold into the house."

"Oops, sorry." She blew out a breath and took a step back. As soon as he walked in, she quickly shut the door. Rollo glanced at his master but barely moved his head. Ah, just great!  She tried to be casual as she wandered towards the kitchenette, grabbing the pastry paper wrappers, an empty mug and a used plate from the table. "If you're looking for croissants, you're out of luck. Rollo ate them all."

His mouth drew up at one side. "No, I'm fine. Dinnae want any."

"I thought you said you could use some treat."

"Aye."

She glanced over to him and noted he was looking at the clothes neatly stacked over the armchair, her white lace bra on top of the pile. She tamped down the urge to dive in and grab the garments. "I don't have anything else to offer besides coffee, tea and fruits," she said, waving a hand at the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter, attempting to distract and prevent him from looking further into the female clutter scattered everywhere. "Annalise and I eat out."

He looked at her and took a step forward. "Dinnae want fruit, and I've had my coffee already."

"Well if that's the case, I really need to go and take a bath." She didn't feel comfortable standing there and conversing with this beautiful man in her bathrobe when he looked so well put together and at ease. She now wished she had taken the time to put mascara on or straightened her hair when she went to the bakery earlier.

His gaze settled on the table, and he picked up one of the postcards she bought in Inverness. "Dinnae fash, we'll go soon," he assured her. "Are ye sending these to yer friends?" he asked, waving a postcard.

She smiled. "No. It's for me. I collect them for my scrapbook."

He looked at her. "Scrapbook?"

"It's kind of my diary stroke travelogue with pictures of places I've been to."

"That's verra nice," he said quietly, his eyes lighting up when he spied Men's Health glossy magazine with a front cover picture of Gerard Butler headlining Hot Scots on the Rock. He grinned at her. "Ye like Gerard Butler? Isnae he a bit too old for ye?"

Her face heated. "It's just something I randomly picked up at the kiosk. We were in a hurry to catch the train and Annalise, and I were just grabbing anything we could get our hands on."

"I thought the magazine stands were predominantly women's magazine. Didnae realised Men's Health would be among the women's publications."

She let out a high-pitched neurotic laugh. "Who would've thought."

"Aye, who would've."

Claire glanced around trying to summon something else to say. The cottage wasn't spacious, and he filled the room with his presence. The fact that he stood nearby when she had nothing on underneath the bathrobe caused a delicate shudder to coast down her back, but she managed just about to maintain a veneer of composure. She was already regretting teasing him earlier, thinking flirting with him on the phone while in the safety of her cottage would be harmless fun. Now that he was here, she was one bumbling mess, not to mention probably looking deranged with her unkempt looks. "Jamie ...can we continue this later? I really need to get ready and ..." she trailed off and shrugged, fidgetting with her bathrobe ties.

He placed the postcard back on the table, drew himself up to full height, and slowly closed the distance between them, his gaze never leaving hers.

Her mouth opened, then closed on a nervous squeak, her eyes widening at his obvious intention. She cleared her throat. "It's just that Annalise would be here soon and I want to make sure I'm ready when she comes back. Tomorrow is Christmas eve, and I think she probably wants to do some last-minute Christmas shopping," she rambled, taking a few steps back until her back hit the fridge.

"This won't take long," he said softly. He moved slow and deliberate, reaching out to smoothly tuck a loose strand behind her ear, his deep voice wrapping her in a cosy blanket of security.

Like her legs, her tongue twisted in her mouth. "W-what won't take long?" she asked, even though she knew the answer already.

A flicker of heat lit his eyes. "I would like to kiss you. Again."

She gulped, her heart starting to gallop at a faster rate. "H-how about I take your word for it, and we resume this when I'm more presentable? Like after I've taken my bath?"

"I dinnae think I can wait any longer. May I? Please?"

"I look like a right mess," she croaked.

His lips quirked, and he stroke her cheek with gentle motions. "No. Not at all. Ye look beautiful just as ye are now, Sassenach. I can't get ye out of my head. I keep thinking about that kiss last night. Have ye thought about it?"

"Yes." Her admission was barely a whisper. 

He gently laid both hands on her arms, his eyes caressing her face. "And?"

"I just want you to know I don't do meaningless affairs," she blurted.

"Neither do I nor do I plan to."

"Jamie! I'm serious!"

"Good. So am I. Look, I dinnae care if there's supposed to be a particular order of doing things. All I ken is I like ye and ye like me, and I'm just going with my feelings and winging it. Right now, I would like verra much to kiss ye. If ye'll say no, I promise I will no' be offended, but I'm hoping with my unwavering persistence, that I will get that kiss one day. So, I'll ask again, may I kiss ye, Sassenach?"

She let out a tiny moan and tried to delay the inevitable, racking her brain for any valid reasons why she shouldn't take the plunge. When she couldn't muster any from her addled brain, she could only nod and lick her lips. 

His gorgeous blue eyes darkened, and a small smile played on his mouth. "Thank ye."

"Oh dear," she breathed as she placed her hands on his muscular chest.

He lowered his head, stopping inches from hers. "Oh, aye."

And then it happened. 

His lips descended upon hers, and logic and everything else fizzled away into obscurity. 

Opening for him without further hesitation, his tongue swept inside, drinking her in like a deprived, parched soul coming out of a desert. He nibbled her bottom lip, before soothing it with his tongue and delving back in deep to sup some more. He tasted of coffee, fudge and a hint of mint, and his soft, warm lips contradicted the hard planes beneath her hands. If the kiss last night had been sweet and made her think of fluffy clouds, falling leaves and angel wings, this kiss penetrated her soul and ripped her to the bare bones of staggering need, leaving her breathless and craving for something she was afraid to voice out. Although technically a virgin, she'd had her share of kisses, but never before had she been completely overwhelmed by a fierce need to take it further.

Claire gripped the material of his shirt as she shifted to get closer, extracting a deep groan to escape his lips. He pulled away and smiled, but not before he muttered a vicious curse.

He touched his forehead against hers, the intimacy and tenderness of the gesture surprising her, making her breath hitch. "Dinner tonight at my place?" he whispered.

She managed to find her voice, but the words came out a bit slurred as she stared at his lips. "I'd like that. What shall I bring?" she asked. She could feel the erratic beating of his heart, his laboured breathing fanning her face. 

"Bring something comfy to wear. Do ye like old movies?"

She nodded, smiling. Where has this man been hiding all her life? She imagined she'd like anything as long as they could do what they just did again. "What time shall I come?"

"Come as soon as possible."

"I'll be there."

He cupped her chin. "I cannae wait."

He gave her one last kiss before slowly easing away with a triumphant grin. The creasing at the corners of his eyes made her smile despite herself. He called Rollo to his side with a low whistle, and she watched as man and dog walked out of the living room with spring in their steps. And then just like that, they were gone. She hoped Annalise would come soon as she wanted to do some last-minute Christmas shopping of her own for her two new favourites in her life.

..........

Claire watched Annalise order their coffees from the counter. The village's only café was a popular place for afternoon tea, snacks and meeting up with friends. The radio hummed Christmas songs from the speakers, and scents of fresh scones and baked goods wafted in the air. The mismatched tables adorned with thistle flower arrangements cluttered the small space and gave it a homey and cosy feel. Decorated in purple and pale greens, the walls displayed colourfully painted arts on canvas made by local artists, making her vision blear a bit from the bright and unusual collection of hues. A group of four walked in, settled on the nearby table and greeted her with a smile like she was one of the locals. One thing she surmised -there were no outsiders in Broch Mordha because everyone belonged. She'd lived in London for five years, and in all that time, she didn't even know her neighbours' names nor did any of them said hello. Whereas Broch Mordha, although curious and inquisitive, its people embraced her and Annalise and encouraged them to mingle and participate in local activities. And in such a short time, the village and its people were already growing on her.

Annalise placed a cup of Americano in front of her and shrugged out of her peacoat and scarf. "So that's our Christmas shopping done. If we'd been in London that would have taken us the whole day."

Claire made a face as she sipped her coffee. "That's why we're never in London during the holidays. To escape the carnage. Even shopping in Inverness was a breeze."

"So you're all sorted then?"

"Uh-huh. I'll wrap the scented candle gift set for Mrs Fitz, and you can write the card."

"Deal." Annalise slipped onto the chair and rubbed her hands together. "I'm glad we're staying put until Three Kings. Saves me thinking about packing when we just got here. I was planning on suggesting it to you, but you beat me to it."

Claire laughed. "I can't believe you're actually happy missing Hogmanay in Edinburgh. You've always like to be in the middle of frenetic partying -Edinburgh style. What's changed?"

"We've seen it for two years in a row. Broch Mordha will be a refreshing variation. Anyway, change of subject. You haven't said much about your evening out with Jamie yesterday. So, spill! Does the carpet match the drapes?"

Claire narrowed her gaze at her friend's apparent glee in teasing her. "Don't start Annalise. Just because you're my best mate doesn't mean I'll kiss and tell. And to answer your question, how would I know?"

Annalise clucked her tongue. "I saw you sneaked into a lingerie shop while I was trying on some shoes. I'm pretty sure you weren't browsing unmentionables for Mrs Fitz."

"Flannel jammies!"

"What?"

"I bought a couple of flannel pyjamas!" Claire grabbed one of her shopping bags and flashed the red flannel pyjama set, leaving out the red lacy undies that she also bought at the bottom. It wasn't like she was lying to her friend, but Annalise didn't need to know everything. Besides, her friend hadn't told her much about what went on in Lallybroch last night with Willie. "It's movie night tonight. Jamie invited me for dinner at his place. I don't want to lounge in my jeans after eating. I thought I'd be more comfortable wearing these."

"Blimey! That Jamie is one sneaky Scot! That's really a really good set up for a romantic evening. "

Claire smiled. "I know, right?

Annalise leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. "Jamie's really into you, you do know that don't you? It was all over his face last night, and he couldn't wait to get you alone. And you know what else? I like him, and he's nothing like those pretentious pricks you date in London."

Claire laughed. "You only like Jamie for me because you're nuts about Willie."

Her friend shrugged, her mouth twitching at the corner. "There's an element of that, I suppose, but I have a good sense for these things. You know, I do."

Claire rolled her eyes. "Yes, you're right. You do have a sense for these things."

Annalise shook her head and grinned. "Wow, Claire ...dinner with a man at his place in your jammies? And what ... you've only known him less than twenty-four hours? I hope Jamie realises he's making history here."

"He's different. And I really like him."

"Have you kissed?"

Claire nodded.

"Groped?"

"No!"

Her friend laughed when Claire's face went beet-red.

"What if he's the one?" Claire asked after a few seconds of silent contemplation.

Annalise's eyes softened. "If he's the one, we'll worry about it later. Baby steps, mind?"

Claire burst out laughing. "Good grief, look at me. I've just met Jamie, and already I'm thinking about the future! How pathetic is that? I'm acting like a schoolgirl."

"Claire, look at me." Claire looked at Annalise. "The age-old question ...how long does it take to fall in love? A day? A week? A year? A lifetime? Here's my take. When the stars align, the universe will conspire to make love happen, and there will be no warning signs, and there's nought you can do about it. You will fall into love like you're being pushed from a highrise building. There'll be no time to think about what's happening. None at all. It's inevitable. It's something you will have no control of. It's a crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course, whether you chose to ignore it or not, fight it or not. So, take my advise and don't brace yourself too much for what's coming because some sharp turns might be jarring; otherwise, all you'll get out of it is a sore neck and probably a migraine to boot. Just let go and enjoy the ride and who knows, there might be a surprise waiting for you just around the corner. After all, it's the most wonderful time of the year." And then Annalise winked.

..........

After they'd arrived at their bed and breakfast cottage, Claire had floated into her bedroom, knowing there was a goofy smile plastered to her face. She'd wrapped up presents for Jamie and Rollo, written cards for some locals she'd come to know, and took her time shaving her legs, and washing her hair. Annalise had done the same, also lost in her own thoughts and occasionally saying a remark here and there. But Claire had been too preoccupied to listen.

After Annalise had left for a night out of bowling and dinner with Willie, she'd put on her new pyjamas, a long coat so no one in the street would notice what she was wearing underneath when she walked to Jamie's cottage and a pair of Ugg boots. All the while, her stomach did a mad flip-flopped, and she continually found herself staring into space, almost tripping on the way to Jamie's house.

Obviously, she hadn't finished staring into space because when Jamie opened the door after she'd knocked, sending her hurtling back to the present, she was speechless. Rollo dashed out of the house and circled her happily, jumping on her.

Jamie grinned and opened the door wider. "Sassenach! Get in here! We have a guest."

"Oh!?" I thought we're alone.

She pulled the coat tighter and patted Rollo's head. She remembered Annalise's word not to brace herself too hard, took a deep breath, relaxed and stepped into Jamie's house.

What she saw next, took her by surprise.

Dear Readers,

Sorry to leave you hanging here. If I hadn't, you would have had to wait longer for the instalment. And I needed really to publish this so I could start wrapping presents. So far, so good, I'm up to date with writing this story, Christmas preparations and life in general. So fingers crossed, I remain on track. 😀

Will keep this short and sweet, as I have plenty of other things I need to do. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and looking forward to your thoughts. Sending you best wishes and love and hope you're keeping healthy and safe. Take care for now. x

[buginateacup]

Bug’s Fic and Gin collection

It’s wednesday night and I’m in the mood to do something a little weird so I’m pairing my gin collection to my Megamind fics. These will be in order of first posting.

Shut up and Ki(ss)dnap me - A short two chapter fic, my first foray into the fandom (though not the first thing I wrote for it). Short and zippy but a delightful finish. Pair with: Ambleside Small Acre gin. Heavy on the botanicals. Rhubarb, bay leaf, apple and cloves give a savoury zing on the palate. On the Palate: Juniper, pine, notes of white pepper, herbaceous and earthy body, slight bite to finish.

The Shoal - A Cthuluesque oneshot mostly about the gods of Megamind’s species and how they followed him to Earth Pairs with: Amphitrite Gin Elixir. A sweeter gin, milder than most but ooh take it slow because it will change your life

Bad Idea  - A songfic and the first of the Feral Roxanne iterations. Pairs with: It has to be Chase Sloe and Mulberry gin. Sweet gins aren’t for everybody but this one has a strong flavour and quite strong. If you’re going to indulge in something over the top you might as well make it worth it.

Fishcakes - Why did I torture Minion this way? Minion’s POV but mostly revolves around “Oh good they worked it out...could they stop working it out for five minutes maybe?” Pairs with: Queenscliff Distillery Dry gin. Bitey, very dry. Poor Minion deserves better.

Tea with Topsy - Ah yes...the big one. The slowburn falling in love Evil Queen AU. Specifically without an external catalyst. No Hal, no other big bad, just flirting and phonecalls and a slow slow steep into the darkside with no interest in redeeming the villain or setting them on a path to light. Still a feral Roxanne but also just two actual adults just coming together with the kind of inevitability of a fuse burning down to the explosives. Pairs with: Brookies Byron Slow Gin. Made with Davidson plums rather than sloe berries. Bright and flavourful with a hint of bite. I prefer it over ice.

Behind the scenes - Its just horny guys. What feral Roxanne wants, feral Roxanne gets. Pairs with: Tiny Bear distillery Brew. Coffee infused gin. delicious. Punches your lungs out with the fumes if you’re not careful.

Layers - Roxanne makes self destructive decisions. Megamind makes self sabotaging ones. Nothing is going well. And yet it ends lightly? Pairs with: Larrikin Barrel Aged Gin. This gin has been ‘aged’ in small American Oak barrels, that once held bourbon and then Tasmanian whisky. Strong whisky scent but none of the afterburn. Lingering flavours, best served over ice.

Presentation - Ultimate Alien Megamind, written for a Gift Exchange. Megamind rescues Roxanne, makes better decisions than she does. Quiet and painful. A sequel is coming (eventually) Pairs with: Archie Rose Coast. Strawberry gum, sea lettuce and lemon myrtle, the second most Australian tasting gin I’ve ever had. Delicious.

Rings - The crackfic idea that should not have turned into 80K+ with feelings. And yet here we are. Pairs with: Dasher + Fisher Sloe Gin. One of my favourite gins, very sweet and a serious indulgence. Comes from Tasmania. Extremely delicious and very sweet.

Run - Still might actually be my favourite oneshot. Brains/Brawn/Boss. Roxanne disappears and Megamind and Metro Man team up to find her. Everybody goes Evil because Evil has Standards. Pairs with: Underdog Gin from Applewood Distillery. Anise myrtle my love.

Liminal Spaces - Outtakes and alternate scenes from Rings. Pairs with: Brogan’s Way Hearts Afire gin. Cassia, aniseed myrtle, lilly pilly. Warm and winter.

Date Night - Accidental Evil fake dating, written to have two bastard ferals bang in the car. Somehow needed 10K+ of logistics beforehand. Sigh Pairs with: Tiny Bear Sailor Gin. Extra strength Navy gin and fucking hell I need to finish this fic.

Better the Devil you know - Another Roxanne runs to a supervillain for safety. Happens very early on in their relationship before they trust one another well enough that things would have progressed if it happened a few years later. Pairs with: Roku Gin, a very smooth Japanese gin with a very pretty bottle.

Pomegranate Seeds - Kind of fucked up Hades/Persephone AU Pairs with: Dasher + Fisher Cherry Gin. Sweet but cruel.

and the taste of you sweet on my tongue - Sweet soft soulmate AU where I was more interested in the worldbuilding than the outcome. Pairs with: Dasher + Fisher Strawberry Gin. Very sweet. Nothing to it after that.

No one calls you honey when you're sitting on a throne - Heheheh. Similar to Run wherein we see Roxanne choose Evil. But a lot bitier and immediately destructive. Pairs with: Copperwave Gin from Hunter Distillery. Aromatic and citrusy with a licorice finish.

Hey kids lets rob a bank!    - Based on an anon prompt. Two old marrieds just as in love as ever. Pairs with: Greenall’s Wild Berry Gin. Its sweet and light. What more do you want?

Waiting - Very silly. Diary style fic. Means I get to avoid all the awkward bits I don’t feel like writing. Pairs with: 78 Degrees Sunset Gin. DELICIOUS. Could drink it forever no effort.

Mirror Mirror - Extremely fucking horny fucking. Pairs with: Teddy & The Fox from Bellarine Gin. Its bitey.

Please break me gently - Oooh how badly do you want to hurt? A continuation is planned. About 4 chapters in total eventually. Pairs with: Brogan’s Way Everyday Salvation. White pepperberry and strawberry gum. Don’t talk to me while I’m drinking this. I need to be alone.

Wake Up Call - Short with a twist. Pairs with: Ginny Pig Spiced Fig Gin. Enjoy with ginger ale.

Bonus unwritten fic: Paperwork Polycule, specifically because there are bits of it floating around Tumblr. Pairs with: Threefold Distilling Aromatic Gin. Grapefruit, Rosemary and Lavender. Self explanatory really

(The most Australian gin is Lyrebird. It tastes like a hills hoist in a backyard with dry summer grass and birds calling on a hot evening.)

[petrichorpoetryy]

tagged by @teremisoo . Tereeee, im tats, huhu. I’m usually just here silently liking and re-blogging posts, pero someone’s actually aware of my existence pala rito hahah. Love uu 

(ok, so sobrang simple ko lang about stuffs hehe.)

five things you’d find in my bag:

1. Laptop

2. Wallet

3. Water bottle

4. Wires? (charger ng phone at laptop, earphones. haha)

5. Stationeries

five things you’d find in my room

1. Books (for entertainment and accounting-related)

2. Study materials (chair and table, for when I study or work)

3. Clothes

4. Work-related documents

5. A framed painting that was given to me by one of my closest friend then during 4th grade (grabe, ang tagal na pala, ano? huhu.)

five of my favorite things

1. A scrapbook that was given to me by my bestfriend then, who happens to be my first love as well lol, before our high school graduation.

2. My physical diary

3. Phone

4. Laptop

5. Earphones

five of my habits

1. Massaging my feet with baby oil, or any ointment that has menthol in it,  after a long tiring day. 

2. Having my earphones plugged in my ears in any possible circumstances, hehe.

3. Watching live performances of my favorite artists.

4. Writing my feelings in my notes or here in Tumblr.

5. Reading stuffs whenever I feel things are being too much and I want a quick escape.

five things about me that i like

1. My social skills. Idk, I always find  myself in situations where people would say that they instantly feel comfortable with me. Also, just a side story (this was from last week), I was about to turnover one of my clients to one of my co-accounting associates due to some changes in work, when a client refused the other accountant to handle their company and specifically requested me to stay and continue working for them. 

And I could honestly go on about other similar circumstances regarding my social skills, haha, not that I’m bragging :3 

2. My persistence. I guess I could safely say that I’ve had my fair share of failures in life, but even with those experiences, I’m proud that my goals have always been the same. If anything, I’ve grasped them closer when paths are blurred and tighter when my steps are unsure.

3. My fervent capacity to love. I know this has its down sides as well, but someday in some way, I will get it right and things will fall into place that all the consequences of loving fervently won’t even matter at all.  

4. My willingness to pour my broken heart into art. I know this is baduy and all, huhu, but as much as it is baduy, I believe it’s sweet and unique when I find the right one who’ll understand all my shenanigans in life haha. Sige nga, hanap ka ng taong susulatan ka ng tula, kanta (kahit hindi talaga ako marunong kumanta huhu), maraming maraming letters, at marami pang iba! (haha, yes, with exclamation point kasi my crush doesn’t know what she’s rejecting. chz, haha.)

5. Being a perfectionist. I’m not saying I’m perfect ah, haha. It’s actually the opposite, I want things so badly to all go perfectly according to my imagination that I end up procrastinating instead. I badly overthink things, kahit hindi ko pa ginagawa, pagod na ko. But I’d still like to think this as somewhat an advantage, because at least I have a higher structure of ideals in mind, it’s just a matter of dwelling with myself for the execution. 

five things i want this year

1.CPA title

2. a job that I actually love and at the same time treats and compensates me well.

3. pass the entrance exams and get into a law school of my actual choice

4. love life

5. lose more weight :) 

tagging the birthday girl @lrviolet @gladventurers @mediwriter @kinikimkimnikimbie @maligalig

[the-awkward-outlaw]

“ I read your diary. ” or rather journal, when he was sleeping or while he was taking a bath in a secluded area and left his satchel wide open for grabs.

This one’s so damn fluffy, I’m gonna die! It’s also one of those ones that easily could lead to a really smutty scene, but maybe I’ll leave that for another time 👀

Read all my works on AO3

(Maybe if I’m bored enough and actually have some damn time, I’ll make a masterlist on Tumblr) 

Flat Iron Lake gleams orange and blue in the midday sun, flies collecting in swarms hover above the water, begging to be eaten by a hungry fish. You stand on the pier, pole in your hand, hoping to fool one of those fish to take your lure instead of a real insect. So far, you’re having good luck, despite the hot sun above. You know from experience that fishing at any time other than dawn and dusk is spotty, but the fish around this area of the lake seem to always be biting, which is lucky. It saves everyone from having to go far to get meat. 

You love fishing, always have. You’re not the biggest fan of the taste of fish, though you will eat it. You enjoy the act of catching them, though. Fishing forces time to slow down, allows you to just sit and enjoy the peace and quiet, and then there’s the chance that something exciting will happen. Not only that, but the scenery is beautiful. 

As you stand, waiting for something to grab your lure, you hear footsteps on the shore. You turn and see Arthur, his hands on his hips. He smiles at you a bit, but doesn’t say anything. You return it and then go back to watching your bait, feeling a bit self conscious. Although you’re the newest member of the gang, having only been with them a couple of months, you’ve quickly grown fond of Arthur. You like most people in camp (aside from Micah), but Arthur was the one you took to. He’s handsome, smart (though he denies it), funny, loyal and sweet. He thinks he’s nothing more than a big dumb brute capable of nothing but violence, but you’ve seen the side of him that proves him wrong. You saw him give Tilly a necklace a few days ago, he got a book for Jack, and you’ve seen him playing fetch with the newest member, a dog named Cain. You’ve also seen him many times sitting on his cot or at the base of a tree, scribbling away in his journal. 

You’ve wondered many times if Arthur feels anything for you too, but you’re too nervous to ask. You won’t ask the others if he’s mentioned you at all, afraid it’ll clue them in to your crush. You wish, more than anything, that you could get a glimpse in his journal. 

You glance behind you again and spot Arthur sitting at the base of a tree not too far from the pier. His journal’s in his lap and he seems to be writing, or maybe he’s drawing. You wonder if he’s any good. You’ve tried your own hand at drawing with little success. You can barely draw a stick figure. 

You go back to fishing, wishing you could at least gather the courage to go and talk to him. You’ve wanted nothing more than to do that. He helped teach you how to shoot a gun after you first joined, and how to shoot a bow. It was through him that you learned how to hunt and fish, and you overheard him a few days ago talking to Dutch about teaching you how to rob people. You just wish you could talk to him about anything that didn’t involve you learning how to pull your weight in the gang. It’s doubtful that he has any interest in you though, even in an innocent, friendly manner. You sigh, wishing things were different. 

An hour passes and you decide you’re done fishing. You have a decent collection of fish to give to Pearson, he’ll be happy at least. You collapse your pole and begin walking down the pier when you see Arthur, still sat at the foot of the tree, his hat tipped over his eyes. He seems to be sleeping, but next to him is his journal, lying open and just begging to be read. 

You approach him quietly. You really shouldn’t be trying to read his journal, it’d be an invasion of his privacy. Still, you can’t help but be curious. You get a bit closer, waiting for him to stir, but he doesn’t. You quietly set down your bucket of fish and kneel down, picking up his journal. You check on him again, but he still hasn’t moved. You can tell by his slow, heavy breathing that he’s out. 

The first thing you see when looking at the open page of his journal is a sketch. Undeniably, it’s you, fishing on the pier. The sketch extends across both pages. The drawing is beautiful, simple yet detailed. You had no idea he could draw this well. You flip to the previous page and see sketches of a horse (undeniably his own), a husky and a duck. The duck is really no more than an outline, but it’s endearing. The husky is incredibly detailed, its tongue dangling from its panting mouth. You love the detail of the fur, you can tell exactly what color it is based purely on how he’s shaded it. You flip to the next previous page and are startled by an extremely detailed drawing of your face. On the page next to it is a passage he’s written. You study the beautiful, looping words. His writing is gorgeous. You begin to read it. 

“Took Y/N out hunting today. She’s got a natural talent for it, considering she’s only been doing it a few months. If only things were simpler, life wasn’t such a mess, I might ask her to be my girl. Yet damn you, Mary! Y/N ain’t nothing like Mary. She’s sweet, she don’t hold people’s past over their heads or play games with ‘em. When I’m alone with her, I feel like the luckiest man and the biggest fool. If she’s smart, she’ll stay away from me.” 

Your stomach does a backflip. Has he really thought about asking you to be his girlfriend? No way, no way could Arthur, the Arthur Morgan, be interested in you! You’re just a simple girl who grew up on a farm until a few months back when it was burned to the ground, killing everyone inside. You were in the barn when it got destroyed by a group of drunk O’Driscolls. It was only a couple weeks after that you were brought in by Arthur, who found you begging on the trail in the middle of nowhere. 

You flip through more of his journal, reading about how he hopes never to get on Sadie Adler’s bad side (you agree with him), how he detests doing jobs for Strauss. You’re glad he never went to collect that debt from that Downes fellow a few weeks ago. You’d heard rumors he was incredibly sick and you passed that information onto Arthur, who decided it wasn’t worth the risk and just absolved the debt. Still though, he’s doing a few other collections. 

You go on to read about some of the people he’s met, including a blind man who seemed almost like a prophet, a photographer who seemed to be trying to get himself eaten by some wild animal, and a crazy woman touting about dinosaurs. So many of these entries are accompanied with drawing, each one detailed to the point you feel you could touch them. 

Every few pages, he seems to mention you, whether it’s just taking you out somewhere to teach you a new skill, or about how you’ve surprised him with one of your own visions of the world. One in particular stands out to you. It’s accompanied by a sketch of you just standing there, drinking a mug of coffee. The passage itself started off with him talking about one of his debt collections from a woman named Lily Millet. 

“This world is an ugly one, I see it everyday. I see it in the things I do to people, the way they look at me. But Y/N seems to see the beauty of it. Whenever I’m with her, she sees light and color where I would see only violence and horror. The more I’m with her, the more I see the beauty too. If I were smarter, I’d spare her the misfortune of my own company, yet I find hers euphoric. If I weren’t such a coward, I’d ask her on a proper outing. John keeps saying she’s sweet on me, but Marston wouldn’t know the first thing about women. How the hell he ended up having a kid with Abigail is beyond me.” 

You giggle at the last line and then your heart drops when you hear Arthur begin to stir. You quickly flip to the page it was on and throw it on the ground. Unfortunately, it lands a solid foot from where you picked it up and in a different position. You just hope he doesn’t remember those details as you stand up and take several feet back. 

He tilts his hat up, notices you trying to walk away in such a manner that screams you’re guilty of something. He looks down at his journal and notices right away that it’s been moved. He connects your guilty smile and knows instantly that you at least looked at the sketch. Before he can say anything to you, you dart off into the middle of camp to give your fish to Pearson and where he won’t confront you. 

During the rest of the day, you find any excuse you can to stay away from Arthur, positive he’s furious that you invaded his privacy like that. You’d be mad had it been you, and you’re sure he’d like nothing more than to tell you off. However, you often catch him staring at you, but not in anger or disappointment. His eyes say he’s curious, and he doesn’t seem to be pursuing you to get you alone, though he does try to approach you often. You always come up with an excuse or pick up a conversation with the closest person so he can’t confront you. 

After the sun’s set, your luck runs out. Arthur left a few hours ago and you figured he’d be gone the rest of the night. You decided it was safe to go stand at the shores of the lake and look at the stars. You didn’t even hear him approach until he was standing right next to you, a beer bottle in each hand. 

“So,” he said, making you jump. You flushed when you saw him standing so close to you, but then he handed you one of the bottles. You thanked him quietly and looked away. You didn’t see the soft smile he wore. “Enjoy readin’ my journal?” he asks, sipping his beer as he stares off across the lake. 

You sigh. “I’m sorry, Mr. Morgan. It was wrong of me. I understand why you’re upset.” 

He chuckles softly. “Ah, it’s a’right. I ain’t exactly innocent in that myself. Guess I earned it, to be honest.” 

“What do you mean?” 

He rubs his neck nervously. “I, uh, I read your diary too once. It was on your bedroll and I guess Grimshaw snatched you up while you was writin’. I was just passin’ by and saw it, couldn’t help myself.” 

You blush even more. Shit, shit shit! You wrote in there shortly after getting the damn thing that you have a massive crush on Arthur, it’s pretty much a guarantee that he saw it. 

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Morgan,” you say, closing your eyes. 

“For what?” he says, shocked. 

“That you had to read that. I’m… I’m such an idiot and I’m sure it’s the last thing you wanted to know about me. I completely understand if you don’t want to teach me anything else.” 

He turns to face you. He nervously reaches up a hand to tilt your head up to look at him. “Y/N, I know you read my journal. Pretty far back too, I’d guess. If you actually read it, you’d know I’ve… well, I’ve held somethin’ for you too.” 

You smile and take his hand into yours. “I don’t know why you would. I’m nothin’ special.” 

“Maybe you don’t see yourself the way I do.” 

You look up at him again. His face is inches from yours and his eyes dart down to your lips before going back to your eyes again. Is he thinking the same as you? Right now, you’d like nothing more than to kiss him. You start leaning up, you can feel the heat radiating from him. He moves closer, his free hand sliding over your back. Your lips are centimeters from touching. 

“Mr. Morgan, we are in the shit again. Deep in the shit!” the gravelly voice of Reverend Swanson washes over you again. He stumbles over, his eyes bloodshot. Arthur leans away and lets you go, making you let out a soft groan. 

“You got quite a way with words there, Mr. Swanson,” Arthur replies. 

“Words are the least of my problems, Mr. Morgan.” He stammers for a moment, almost as though he’s seeing something you can’t. His eyes refocus on you both standing inches apart, looking irritated. “But I wanted you both to know that you are children of God! Children of God.” He starts mumbling to himself, almost singing.

You chuckle. “That’s sweet, Reverend, but I stopped believing in God a long time ago.” 

“But he has never stopped believing in you,” Swanson says, then he stumbles off. 

Arthur lets out a long sigh and hangs his head so his hat covers his eyes. His cheeks are slightly pink. “Sorry for that interruption, Y/N.” 

“That’s okay, ain’t like we could stop him,” you say. You want to ask him to try that kiss again, but you just can’t manage to get the words out. He’s thinking the same thing, but like you, he’s too embarrassed to ask. Instead, his hand slowly wraps around yours. You look down at your entwined hands and then back up to him and smile. Encouraged by this, he lets your hand go and both of his slide over your back, pulling you close to him. Yours go up to settle on his shoulders. 

Before anyone else has the chance to ruin the moment again, Arthur dips down and presses his lips to yours. His are slightly chapped, but they’re warm. You’ve only imagined kissing him a hundred times, but you didn’t ever do him justice in those daydreams. You move your lips with his, your hand winding behind his neck to pull him even closer. His arms grip you tight, pressing your body against his. Your heart’s pounding in your chest. Something in your chest purrs as he deepens the kiss. Oh, how you’ve wanted this, wanted him. All those moments you spent alone with him, you wanted to kiss him exactly like this. 

After several moments of you studying his lips, he breaks it, his breath leaving in quick bursts. He smiles at you and cups your cheek, his thumb tracing your cheek bone. 

“I hope that was okay,” he says softly. 

“More than okay,” you say and you kiss him again. This one is short and brief, but just as sweet as the previous. You lay your head on his shoulder, your forehead pressed against his neck. His arms embrace you protectively and his heart hammers into your ear. You stare off across the silvery waters of the lake, content in this moment. You want it never to end. 

There’s no way you could know that Arthur, for the first time in a long time, finally thinks he may actually be a somewhat decent man if someone as sweet and good as you chooses to nestle in his arms like this. He kisses the top of your head, wishing he could tell you how grateful and how in awe he is. Perhaps he’ll have to write it in his journal and leave it somewhere that you’ll find it again.

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

[yubathegnome]

shakespearean au: sge concept

warning - this is long and contains otk spoilers (and macbeth spoilers lol). no i do not offer refunds for time wasted. but if u don’t read this, i will find u because my fatigue is fuelling me w anger :)

11:00 pm: ok so I was casually floating in a bowl of water (segue- what is the point of baths? you can literally do the same things in ur bed but dry...) thinking about how great a shakespearean au would be... yes, I hate Shakespeare’s pretentious ass and if I have to read Romeo and Juliet one more time, I might obliterate my existence. however, imagine the drama of a midsummer nights dream au- immaculate fairy hallucinogenic woods vibes w the magic of fairies that could be linked to sge, just everyone going insane bacchanal in the woods. sadly there are more characters in this play than unnecessary first years in TCY so I decided to try twelfth night instead. 

12:30 am: ok, I have tried every combination of characters possible for twelfth night (just imagine - agatha in the position of duke orsino and tedros in the position of viola, ah the angsty friends to lovers, the jealousy arc potential, misunderstood love ahh) but I always ended up w an agaphie... incident (sweet home alabama)

2:00 am: tried hamlet, taming of the shrew and king lear (plot is way to depressing)... becoming delusional

2:30 am: I WON’T GIVE UP UNTIL SHAKESPEARE IS AT MY KNEES, HERE I PRESENT U ... MACBETH

macbeth au

if u don’t know the plot... uncultured. jk i blame the british education system for my knowledge of this play but here’s a plot summary

let’s pretend scotland is camelot? yeah, just do it.

also: “Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air.” (aka the only quote i can lowkey remember from year 9 for an absolute trash equivocation essay i waffled)

oh and also “what, you egg?” (he stabs him) - do i even have to explain the amazing significance of this quote? pls keep reading, i’m not insane.

character list:

macbeth - rhian

ok confession - i love rhian, 100% didn’t deserve to die so here he can be the tragic protagonist

outshone tedros in QFG (not that hard tbh) and gave us a glimpse of never!tedros’ potential character similarities - corrupted by evil, assuming that there r good intentions in evil people, kinda power hungry, thinks he deserves a position he really doesn’t, tricked by a prophecy

he’s a simp for sophie lets be honest (soz keian shippers) so the choice for lady macbeth should be...

lady macbeth - sophie 

ok, just imagine, no morals/manipulative sophie slowly going insane and having power over powerful men- my fave trope of her wanting to kill rafal/king duncan but unable to pull through last minute because of her daddy issues... yes <3

slowly going insane cus she can’t balance her evilness and her humanity

the hand washing scene... 

“Look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under it.”

the guards that are killed by lady macbeth and macbeth - nicola and hort 

they were a cute duo when they investigate in QFG and that’s abt it, hence the short roles

the dagger - excalibur

cursed swords check

3 witches - mistral sisters

bruh this is perfect, i don’t have to explain, this is all slotting into place

king duncan - ... yoooo, does it really matter, just the previous king of Camelot. wait maybe that Uther guy. whatever.

banquo - chaddick 

im tired, ur just gonna have to pretend that tedros is king arthur’s grandson and yes, chaddick’s son

i shall allow chaddick to have an actual role where he is a humble, loyal knight who isn’t just conveniently used to fulfil some random prophecy... oh wait poor guy was wronged so bad in TCY- ok ik he dies in macbeth too but like he has a bigger role here than in the 6 sge books. chaddick/ banquo are good plot devices that only exist so the prophecy makes sense, bingo!

macduff - tedros 

c-section king

he just would be that character with the unique and coincidental part of his past that allows him to be king

young and underestimated check

daddy issues and family trauma

kinda doesn’t deserve to be king but uno what, ~prophecies~ 

(just forget abt malcolm’s existence, i have the power now)

the king of england - agatha

agatha as king... we love to see it yes this is my way of incorporating tagatha just pretend macduff falls in love with the king of england ok.  agatha breaks the news that tedros’ dad has just died- cute comforting scene

 scottish macduff realises the english are ok just like tedros realises agatha isn’t a witch... idk someone write a oneshot

3:30 am:

me: let’s fix all my mistakes w some aesthetic mood board ideas.

*types in “macbeth aesthetic” into pinterest* *chooses the first 3 images*

this is very much adequate

4:00 am; do what you will with this information, people of the internet. this doesn’t even make sense at this point. can’t wait for the black coffee overdose my body will endure tomorrow :) also i love how the sleep deprivation slowly makes my tone more aggressive. im a simp for tagatha but rhian being the main character makes me happy. how do y’all make ur theories and stuff all pretty. WAIT NO COVEN! wait no hester oml... ok maybe the 3 witches might have to be the coven, wow, i can’t believe i’ve done this.

ok imagine them all running around in a circle chanting “Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!” - iconic

 ok, they can be the king of england’s attendants.

4:15 am: haha just brushed my teeth... why is this so chaotic. i cant get myself to proof read this because then i have to acknowledge how much time i have acc wasted so pls be traumatised by this chronic brain puke. will i ever write this fic... probably not but miracles happen. good night girls and gays - sweet dreams :) probs will regret this in the morning... oh how i worship the anonymity of tumblr

ps - currently writing a hate essay on hort which i might never release on fear of assasination by 12 year olds... we love to see it

pps - if u made it this far, idk what to tell u, u have perseverance. or maybe u just can’t read. how do i end these things and why am i treating this like a dear diary blog. goodbye. oh yeah, can some sge accounts maybe like... idk... interact w me uwu. i will go insane if i have to play devil’s advocate w myself any longer... GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!