#like you cannot look at this guy and tell me you do not just see a conventionally attractive twink/twunk body type

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Asshole (John Walker)

Description: Y/N hates John but he and everyone else are convinced that it’s just sexual frustration.

Warning: Smut, Breeding Kink, Hate Fucking

Word Count: 2,850

“I CANNOT STAND HIM AVA HE’S SO ANNOYING AND HE’S SUCH A-” Ava interrupts her, “Yet you still wanna fuck him.” She said and Y/N gave her a nasty look, “What?” She asked like it was the craziest thing Ava’s ever said. Ava smirked at her friend, “You still wanna fuck him though. All this hate you have towards him is just pent up sexual frustration.” She points out. Y/N would never admit it, not in a million years that she wants to fuck him, not even to her best friend.

“Sounds ridiculous! Do you not hear what I was saying?” Ava laughed and nodded her head, “Yes but I don’t think you actually hate him.” Ava has listened to Y/N bitch and moan about him since they became the new Avengers but she wasn’t blind. Y/N may say that she hates John but her eyes tell a different story. Y/N loved to stare at John while he trained and worked out, she loved to check him out when he was shirtless or in his suit that made his ass look great.

She thought she was hiding it pretty well but she wasn’t, not to Ava at least. “Whatever.” Y/N rolled her eyes and left the room. “So even Ava can see how bad you wanna fuck me.” Y/N nearly jumped when she heard his voice behind her. She turned to see her mortal enemy with a cocky smirk, that she just wanted to wipe off his face. “Excuse me?” She asked, glaring at him. “Even Ava can see that you wanna fuck me.” He repeated and it made her more mad than the first time he said it. “I certainly don’t wanna fuck you. You’re just cocky.” She told him and turned to keep walking. “Keep telling yourself that.” He said as she walked away. Oh she would. 

John and Y/N both cooked so they split the days, John cooked on the weekdays and Y/N cooked Friday, Saturday and Sunday. “I cook more because I’m better than you.” He would tell her and each time she would cook she would mumble under her breath on how that wasn’t true. It was Friday so Y/N was cooking and everyone respected her “Nobody in the kitchen while I cook rule.” besides one person, John. He just loved to annoy her and get her riled up. “John, get out!” She exclaimed as John walked in and commented on how she was seasoning the chicken.

“I’m just say-” She interrupted him, “I don’t care what you’re saying! Leave.” He would just smirk at her outbursts, loving that he could get her riled up like that. John took his water and left the kitchen, leaving Y/N trying to control her anger towards the guy. Y/N served the food an hour later and everyone enjoyed it, “This is good!” Alexei exclaimed. “Nice work.” Bucky smiled at her. Everyone was super nice with their words except one person, John. “The chicken needs more seasoning and the mashed potatoes need more butter.” He said and Y/N nearly growled.

“If you don’t like it, don’t eat it.” She said, calmly not even looking at him. “It’s great, Y/N.” Bob told her and Y/N gave him a smile, “Thank you Bob and to everyone except John.” She gave everyone a nice smile besides him. “What can’t take criticism?” He asked and she sighed. “You are just being an asshole.” She said and took a bite of the chicken that taste very good. John thought so too but he would never admit it. “I just think that you hate that I’m not all over you.” Yelena gave John a weird look.

Y/N chuckled and looked over at him, “I just hate that you still talk to me.” She bites back and Bucky holds in a laugh. “Right, you don’t want me to talk to you but you want me to fuck you.” Y/N tried so hard to keep her cool around the others but he made that very difficult. “I DON’T WANT YOU TO FUCK ME!” She yelled and the others could feel the tension between them. “John just stop, you're being a dick.” Ava told him. 

“Y/N and John, you’ll be training together for the week.” Bucky announced and Y/N nearly died. “What?” She asked, “Why can’t I train with Ava or Yelena or anyone else?” She asked. “You just know that when he train together your want for me gets stronger.” John says and Y/N rolls her eyes. “No, it’s actually because I hate you.” She tells him and Bucky bites his lip. “Sorry, Ava asked to train with Yelena.” Y/N looked over at her friend who gave her a guilty smile, though she knew exactly why she did it.

“Bob?” “Training with me.” “Alexei?” “On vacation.” Y/N sighed, she forgot about his vacation. “It’s just training.” Bucky said and Y/N just walked away. It wasn’t but what was the point in arguing? She walked to the training room and waited for John who was taking his sweet ass time. 10 minutes later, John shows up in his suit. Y/N tries not to check him out, give him any leverage. “Finally!” She exclaimed and he set down his taco shield. “Relax, I just wanted to get all dolled up for you.” She wanted so bad to punch him in the face. She huffed and just ignored his smart ass comments.

“Is that the best you got?” He asked as they trained, she was doing a good job but since he was a super soldier he was better. She huffed and went to punch him in the face but his shield blocked it. She kicked him in the stomach and sent him flying backwards a little, “That was good.” He said and she kept trying to hit and kick him but he wasn’t letting her. “If we were actually fighting right now, I would win.” He tells her with a smirk. She tackled him to the ground and straddled him, “Say that again.” She tested him and he flipped them over.

“You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.” He says as she tries to get him off her. He chuckles as she struggles, “Honestly, if you would just admit to it, I would gladly give you what you want. I mean think about it, I’m hot, you’re hot. The sex would be hot. But you’re too proud to admit it. I could have you cumming so hard in so many different ways.” He whispers in her ear, “Wanna know how’d I start?” He asked, “Get off me John.” She growled and he ignored her, “First I'd start by eating you out, right here, preferably you riding my face, gripping my hair while you moan my name like it’s the only word you know.”

She felt herself get wet at his words as she stopped struggling, “Then after I make you cum, I would fuck you. I’d fuck you until you were full of my seed and pregnant with my baby.” He placed a hand on her stomach, “Cuz I wanna see you nice and full with my baby.” What the fuck? She thought as he spoke. Why was this so hot? “I wanna make you cum every morning and every night, I wanna make you scream, cry and beg for my cock.” He said as his hand got closer and closer to her aching pussy.

He watched as she bit her lip, trying to hide how turned on she was which made him chuckle. “Just give me permission baby. That’s all you have to do.” He tells her and it’s like a battle in her brain that she’s lost, “John, please.” She nearly whimpers out and he smirks, his hand going inside her pants feeling how wet she was. She was soaked, embarrassedly soaked. “Do you like that? The idea of me fucking you over and over again until you’re dripping with my cum?” He asked as he swiped over her pussy with his fingers, “Yes.” She cried out, softly as she felt his fingers rub her clit.

She had never been more turned on in her life than she was right now. The sound of her wetness as he played with her pussy proved that. He moved down her body so he could pull off her pants and panties, “Fuck.” He whispered at the sight of her pussy, it was leaking onto the floor of the training room. He laid down so he was face to face with her pussy, blowing on it causing her to gasp. He looked up at her to see her propped up on her elbows watching him. He shoved his gorgeous face in her pussy, getting it all wet with her juices.

She leaned her head back and let out a loud moan, not caring who hears. His hands placed on both her thighs as he licked and sucked on her clit. The coldness of the floor made her shiver or maybe that was him doing that. She looked down to see his eyes closed as he focused on giving her pleasure and that was so hot. She wanted to thrust up so bad and hump his face but he had a grip on her thighs to keep her in place. She watched as he made out with her pussy until her eyes rolled back and her elbows could no longer hold her up.

Her hands gripped his hair, hard, tugging it as he brought her closer and closer to her orgasm, “John.” She whimpered and he groaned against her at the tugging. Her body tried to move on its own but he wouldn’t let her, “Please.” She cried, wanting nothing more than to hump his face. He chuckled against her, causing vibrations that made her gasp. The taste of her pussy was so hot and made him very hard. His hips started humping the floor as he fell into the taste of her pussy, “Taste so fucking good.” He groaned, his breath all over her wetness.

She loved the praise and arched her back as he kept tonguing her clit. “C-Close.” She tried to get out, feeling her orgasm near. He was amazing at this, so good and was about to make her black out from pleasure. “Cum for me.” He demanded as he sped up his movements. She didn’t need to be told twice as her hands gripped his hair as she let out a loud wailing sound as her orgasm took over her body, “Good fucking girl.” John mumbled as he slowed his movements. He finally let her hump his face as she sobbed.

He pulled away and his face was a mess, his beard nearly drenched in her cum, eyes blown from lust and lips swollen. She finally got the courage to open her eyes and look at him and she nearly came again, he looked perfect. It took all her strength to lean up and kiss him, moaning at the taste of herself on his lips. He kissed back and began removing his suit. Her needy hands helped him as they kissed, “Fuck me, please.” She begged against his lips. He helped her pull off her top and bra, “Fuckin’ gorgeous.” He hummed and pushed her to lie back again, “I can’t wait to fuck you full.” He groaned as he jerked himself a few times before rubbing his dick against her hole.

She held a breath in as she felt the tip of his dick teasing her, “Bet you’re so tight and ready for me.” He said and she sighed in pleasure. He pushed himself in her slowly watching her face form in a pleasure state. Her jaw was dropped as she tried to hold back noise as he stretched her out. He was big, bigger than anyone she’s ever been with. “You’re so big.” She moaned as her walls clenched around him causing him to bite his lip. His hand grabbed her throat, “I’m perfect for you.” He groans as he bottoms out. Her eyes stared up at him, no thoughts behind them.

She looked drunk, “Pretty girl already so fucked out.” He said and moved his hips. Her eyes rolled as those sweet pathetic noises left her mouth. His other hand played with her tits, “So perfect.” She wasn’t sure if he was talking about the noises she was making or her tits but she was too lost to care. His hips teased her for a while, rocking slow but deep. “John.” She whispered, wanting nothing more than for him to speed up and fuck her like he hates her. He smirked and leaned down, running his tongue over her lips, “Trust me baby, I plan to breed you for the rest of the day.” He tells her and his hips pick up speed.

The pathetic whimpers she was making turned into moans that were loud and needy. John growled at the way her pussy was tightening around him, “Making sure I never leave, pretty girl?” He teased as he grabbed one of her legs and lifted it over his shoulder. The angle was otherworldly for her as he started really fucking her. His hips pistoled into hers, causing a loud slapping noise that nearly covered her moans. Her wetness could be heard through the room as well, turning him on even more.

“Fuck, you feel perfect.” He growled and all she could do was moan in response. Her hands reached up to grab at him and he chuckled, taking her hands in his and pinning them beside her head. John groaned above her and watched her face, never wanting to take his eyes off of her. She was beautiful, looked like an angel as he fucked her. He watched as her lips silently said his name, as if she couldn’t actually say it.

“Scream it baby. What’s stopping you?” He asked as he changed the angle a bit. She didn’t care who heard them at this point and screamed his name, close to her orgasm. He felt her pussy go crazy around him and he chuckled, “Are you close?” He asked and slowed his hips, causing her to whine. That made John’s eyes roll as he nearly came. “Tell me you want me to get you pregnant and I’ll let you cum.” He says, breathlessly. She moaned as she felt her orgasm about to come, “I-I want you to get me pregnant, John.” She cried out and he hummed, satisfied with her words.

“Cum for me.” He tells her and she doesn’t need to be told twice. Her back arches and her thighs tremble as she cums, her orgasm hitting her in waves as she sobs. The sight alone made John cum with a grunt, thrusting his cum in her as they rode out their highs. Y/N felt like she could barely breathe as she came down, her hands letting his go as her head fell to the side, her eyes still closed. “I’m not done with you yet.” He tells her and flips her over, causing her eyes to widen.

She was so tired after 2 orgasms but she knew that John wasn’t lying when he said that they would be going for the rest of the day. “John.” She cried as he pounded her again, this time not teasing her. His hands gripped her hips so tight that she was definitely going to bruise. Her hands laid flat on the floor, nails trying to dig in. “Perfect little pussy.” He growled as one of his hands wrapped itself in her hair and pulled her up to his chest. He leaned in and kissed her neck, hiding his moans as hers were plenty.

She bit her lip and sighed, John’s lips attacked her neck, definitely leaving marks. The hand that was gripping her hair moved down her torso to her clit. She gasped his name loudly as he rubbed her there, “Fuck.” She whined and he chuckled against her neck, “Look so pretty.” He mumbled and all she could hear was his breathing and his hips snapping into hers. Her legs shook and if he wasn’t holding her to his body she would probably fall over.

Her third orgasm was approaching, “John, I’m close.” She whimpered and he nodded against her neck. His eyes nearly rolled as he felt her pussy go crazy around him. He deemed that this was his new favorite feeling in the world. Her hand gripped his that was rubbing her cunt and she nearly fell over as she came.

He held her tight as she came so she wouldn’t fall as he slowed his hips, helping her ride out her orgasm. His hips picked up again, chasing his orgasm as she whined from the overstimulation. “Almost there, baby. Fuckin’ pussy is too perfect.” He slurred his words. It wasn’t too long before he thrusted hard on her and she felt his cum fill her up. Her head fell back against his shoulder, “You’re still an asshole.” She mumbled and he chuckled, “I’m your asshole.”

[venusscore]

Bruce Wayne finds out he has another biological child (reader), except they’re a teenager:

From the get-go, Bruce is nervous around you. He partially feels guilty for missing so much or your life, so he doesn’t know if he can really parent you

He does his best to discourage you from being a vigilante. He doesn’t need another kid to worry about

The first time you gave him some of that teenage attitude, he was shocked. You didn’t seem too sassy, but then he realized you were also a high school student. He had to expect this. He tried to be stern, but it was so difficult! He was so used to his other kids, whose forms of rebellion ranged from fighting villains twice their size without backup, to becoming full on criminals (cough Jason cough). He knew he needed to be stern with you, but how could he when your little sarcastic comments and dressing in clothes he didn’t approve of were the worst you do?

Dick has already had many siblings, and you’re not the first he’d met when they were a teenager. You are, however, the first to not be a vigilante. He wants to relate to you, he really does, but his childhood was a mix of acrobatics and then fighting criminals, so he’s resorted to just listening to you complain about classes and drama, throwing in the occasional “mhm” or comment to show he’s listening and he cares

Jason is NOT used to someone who cannot only take his comments, but fires back with twice the burn. As intelligent as Damian is, he usually results to threats, rather than matching Jason’s tone

So one day, when Jason and you are bickering, he tries to end it with “whatever floats your boat,” in a slightly condescending tone. Before he could walk off, however, you say “at least my boat can float.”

Tim gets along great with you! He’s also a teenager, and he feels somewhat normal when you and him chat about your days

You tell him all the drama and who you’re angry at that week. He loves it. Heck, he even knows some of the people you’re talking about! (Forever 17) With that, you also love to give him advice on his love life, regardless of whether you have or haven’t dated guys.

“Trust me, he was not weirded out when you kissed his cheek last night.” You assure him for the third time while doing your homework. “Are you sure?” He asks again, to which you nod and close your book.

Damian, depending on your age, might have different opinions on you.

If you’re closer to his age (14/15), I’d imagine he’d at first be competitive with you. He’d constantly look down on you and your lack of skills. However, since you’re both in similar (or even the same) classes, he eventually found companionship and asks you for advice. He also constantly listens to your gossiping and drama

If you’re older, though, I think he’d see you similar to how he does Tim. Think maybe the way Sheldon Cooper treats Howard Wolowitz. No, he doesn’t hate you. No, he doesn’t really like you as much as everyone else, but he does internally respect you. He just looks down on your lack of physical ability, compared to him

Stephanie loves you! She remembers being your age, and listening to your high school life is so awesome for her. I think she’d connect with you a bit better if you’re a girl, but you also would be in her favor anyway

Similar to last time, she wants you to be smart. She tries to do brain teasers with you and get you to challenge yourself, to which you humor her with, but there’s been moments you’ve had to just say you’re not in the mood

Duke also gets along great with you! (Depending on the comic, he might be in high school or college, which I’ll base it off of) He’s close in age, and honestly, he too sometimes feels a bit out of place in this huge family, and he’s probably had one of the more normal childhoods out of the group, so you both bond over finally having someone to relate to. He also LOVES when you give that teenage smartass attitude to the others. It makes his day

Cassandra is probably the least close to you. She’s sweet and all, but you both just… don’t relate. However, she one day catches you watching her while she’s training, and is caught off guard. After that, sometimes she’d teach you some basic martial arts moves, just to keep you safe in the danger-zone known as Gotham. You picked up quickly on her non-verbal cues, and now you two are good buds

Extras! (Again):

Barbara likes you a lot! She thought being a teenager was great, and she looooves taking you out to go shopping, chat about friends, or generally just hangout. You’re one of the few she knew as a regular person first, not a vigilante. She was never freakishly smart, and had to always study for good grades, so she happily helps you if you need it, since almost everyone else either didn’t go to school, or is naturally intelligent

Selina is always happy to talk to you. She at first tried to get along so you’d leave a good word to Bruce for her (she’s been pining for too long), but now she genuinely likes you! You tell her about school drama, and in turn, she complains about boring adult stuff and gives you gossip on your dad- it’s great!

Now whenever Bruce complains about women talking to him, or the new date he went on (you can take the man out of the playboy, but not the playboy out of the man), you always throw in something like “Well there’s always Selina” or “Selina would never.”

——————

Guess who has exams next week 😭😭

I already did one of these with toddler reader, but I actually was going to make the original post a teenager, but then I was like “I should do all stages of life!”

But I got burnt out after the first, so I decided to continue that here

thanks for the support on the last one! Y’all are so sweet! I plan on making more bcs this is really fun! Again, if I messed anything up, feel free to lmk

if anyone has any other ideas, I’d love to see them in comments/reposts/messages!

Have a good one!

(Also I love reading reposts/comments in general, so don’t be shy on opinions)

[malevolentconfessions]

listen this isnt a huge thing im aware niche characters mean less and not the same quality material but this is my blorbo im talking about here I wish more people did not default to the butcher as just some serial killer and leave his characterization at that in stuff. 1. That is a man who gets paid to kill people his only bribes are blood and money. The only reason he does not kill Mr. Privett is literally bc Arthur said he would come quietly and that meaning he would not be another witness he needs to dispose of (he expected arthur to run) because this is still a job hes getting paid to do. The man has no morals, but its about this being a job and how allowed he is to hurt people. He told police officers to let him go and that they would go home tonight if they did. 2. You put those animal themes and daddy issues back. These are huge pillars of whatever is wrong with him. Literally his music thing is likely from being put in a catholic choir since his dad thought he was "scuffed from the start" and that at times was done to straighten kids out. the guy does full on vocal warmups with controlled breaths at Daniels door if you listen. His whole animal thing is because he is so devoid of morals and so self motivated Arthur says "what are you" because he cannot comprehend someone like this even being human. 3. The themes the themes the themes look at me when i say this these are crucial elements to sell the character. He is both the huntsman and the hound. He revels in being called an animal and refers to targets as though they are animals, he follows the trail of blood and knows enough about hunting to tell that Arthur was pacing at someones door and not be fooled by Arthur smearing blood on windows he says "fair enough" when a bunch of dogs are snarling and barking on the other side of the door a symbolic way of saying he is just like them GRAAAAAAAAAA i need more people to grasp this bc i see when they use serial killer they are not using it according to definition, they are entirely ignoring how this guy is for hire and this is like his job that he is also married to and there is something so so wrong with him

.

[igglemouse]

Week 1 ~ Introducing Magdalena ~ Tuesday

I start the day greeted by little energetic barks from my little guy Bruno. He's very happy to see me although I was just in the other room? I suppose I should move his bed to my room one day, I can't imagine being a little guy like he is and spending that much time alone.

Honestly, it was a selfish decision to adopt him. I didn't want to be here all alone all day long either so I suppose he wouldn't want that either but it looks like he won't hold a grudge against me as long as I give him his ball.

Such a cute little fella! There will be no singing about how we won't talk about him in this house, no no no.

The relationship I have with my sister is what you might expect. One of love and loyalty...but, there is one catch. She's a little loca. Crazy in the head, no? Perhaps that's too harsh but she proudly runs with the wrong crowd and while I do love her, to death, I also try to keep a safe distance from whatever she's up to in fear that I might get pulled into it. Sometimes it feels like even phone calls might put me in danger.

It's nice to hear from her though?

I can't allow her to get in front of my dreams or ambitions and I will not allow being a little unfit to also get ahead of them. While I failed the last audition I am doing all I can to pass the next. Failure is just an obstacle, just a bit of challenge to leap over and I will clear each one put before me, eventually.

Can someone also tell me why it's so chilly outside as well? I guess it's one of those DSV things huh? Random weather?

But I do have some very good news, very very good news even. I got the part! Yep! The music video! In fact, it all happens today! I'll be heading out a little later for it and to prepare I've decided to listen to a lot of Marco's music to get a better feel for him and watch a few of his videos. I know it's just a music video and my part in it will be eye candy but I have to do my best for every opportunity I get because that alone could be my big break. You never know whose watching, after all.

As for Marco, I'm aware of him, casually, but I am finding that a lot of his music is so very romantically inclined. Just songs about love and passion and heartbreak and more love! He's a real crooner with a very smooth voice and whenever he sings in Selvadoradean it does make me feel a certain way...just a little bit!

I can't wait to tell papa about it and he's just about as excited about it as I am. He only hopes that the video is tasteful for me, reminding me that it might upset my mom if it isn't. I'm not sure why that matters? Mama is kind of a hater, my hater, as crazy as that sounds, but let's not dwell on her right now, yes?

I cannot go out without making sure everyone is fed though because how can you be at your best on an empty stomach? I do think Bruno is coming around to me but I suppose food helps a lot with that and it's so cute hearing him munch away happily but I will have to go and leave him alone for a bit, unfortunately. Maybe one day I can afford a sitter, right now that is not the case. Also, maybe one day I can afford bitter dinners than grilled cheese sandwiches. Could be worse, sure sure, but could be better, no?

It was a drive that had to be at least over an hour long because of course the wealthy live far far away from us regulars but arriving to the hills of DSV hit me hard. This is where I wanted to be, a house on the hills, looking down at the city beyond, living the good life. Perhaps this is my first step towards that moment?

The place before me was exactly as I expected, sleek, modern, and had to be worth close to a million simoleons? I could even imagine myself in it one day or in a place like it, ambling around comfortably and enjoying the result of my artistry on the big screen. Watching movies in my personal theater, working out in my personal gym, all before heading out for a lavish trip before I go off for my next big role. That, is what I imagined.

Unfortunately, my little day dreams are broken up by reality the moment I step through the doors.

The director, a man named Elijah Love, greets me with an imaginary smile and lets me know that this is all business and time is simoleons. Something I should always keep in mind moving forward.

So, I find myself in a bathroom again, posing and preening in front of a mirror. I am reminded of the question that Jaxton, the casting guy asked of us yesterday. Am I prepared for the world to see me in this way?

I turned this way and that, making sure that everything was covered. Despite the loose nature of the robe there were pasties over more sensitive areas just in case something slipped, so that wouldn't be an issue, but still, this video would be seen by millions? Was I ready for that?

I decided there was a line and that this wasn't it. I've seen Marco's videos, they were always classy and focused on romance, which sometimes focused on sensuality of love. There is nothing wrong with a little sexiness, no?

Besides, I look amazing!

It was then time for me to perform and I should add, improvise. Elijah gives me one simple direction. Be Alluring.

Easy enough. I settle on the piano, the top part of it? Not sure what that is called but it doesn't matter. I matter, that's where the lens are focused, I'm what the viewer will see.

I go for simplicity because my goal isn't to distract, it's to blend in to the video, it's to make sure that no one ever imagines this video with anyone but me. You might think it selfish but this is a selfish business.

The bigger the star the more the universe will rotate around it...

Speaking of gravity and physics, Marco Aparicio proved my point the moment he walked in. There was an aura about him, a man who was used to getting his way, a man who knew that one simple smile was all that was needed to disarm someone and a man, most importantly, that captured my attention immediately. My eyes locked onto his and instantly I felt something, a spark, maybe? A connection definitely. I hopped off of the piano to greet him, thinking this might be the start of something I could never expect and yet...

It was nothing. A simple nice to meet you with a courteous smile, I honestly don't think he looked at me for more than five seconds. Ouch.

I told myself I wouldn't be star struck and I wasn't. It was worse. I was in love. I think anyone seeing this video will say a few things and will comment on my performance but...this is no performance. The dance and small moments and the kiss, all of it was...well, you might as well have called me a method actress in this moment because I imagined it as real. I could imagine me and him, a couple, living in a place like this, a collision of stars that brightens the universe for the short time we exist within it...

Then I was back home, watching the cooking channel, and doing my best to forget it ever happened. It was a job and it was business. Marco certainly treated it as such. How many women have I seen in his videos today? Every video of his features one or another and each one bleeds passion through the screen and music. I was just another video girl in the end and here I am watching some old woman lecture her audience about the importance of a good thermometer for roasting turkey.

Still. I wonder if there was something more there...

Index ~ Next

[avedoodles]

mfs on twt will have you believe this guy is ugly cuz he looks freakish. do not be fooled: the truth is he is not freakish ENOUGH.

[discotography]

[Soon I will make you a co-conspirator, if I am dizzy I will call it rapture, if I am low I will attribute it to your absence, noting your tidal effect on my moods. Oblivious to the opinions of the neighbours I will bark at the moon like a dog. In short, I am asking to be scalded. It is the onset of fever.] - I Trawl the Megahertz - Prefab Sprout

loosely inspired by @wired-messiah 's art

me when i trawl the megahertz

version without overlaid text under the cut

[unproduciblesmackdown]

come get your levitous sidekick / vicious bastard / funny little guys

[yesornopolls]

The article is under the cut because paywalls suck

This is an edited transcript of an audio essay on “The Ezra Klein Show.” You can listen to the conversation by following or subscribing to the show on the NYT Audio App, Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts.

If you want to understand the first few weeks of the second Trump administration, you should listen to what Steve Bannon told PBS’s “Frontline” in 2019:

Steve Bannon: The opposition party is the media. And the media can only, because they’re dumb and they’re lazy, they can only focus on one thing at a time. … All we have to do is flood the zone. Every day we hit them with three things. They’ll bite on one, and we’ll get all of our stuff done. Bang, bang, bang. These guys will never — will never be able to recover. But we’ve got to start with muzzle velocity. So it’s got to start, and it’s got to hammer, and it’s got to — Michael Kirk: What was the word? Bannon: Muzzle velocity.

Muzzle velocity. Bannon’s insight here is real. Focus is the fundamental substance of democracy. It is particularly the substance of opposition. People largely learn of what the government is doing through the media — be it mainstream media or social media. If you overwhelm the media — if you give it too many places it needs to look, all at once, if you keep it moving from one thing to the next — no coherent opposition can emerge. It is hard to even think coherently.

Donald Trump’s first two weeks in the White House have followed Bannon’s strategy like a script. The flood is the point. The overwhelm is the point. The message wasn’t in any one executive order or announcement. It was in the cumulative effect of all of them. The sense that this is Trump’s country now. This is his government now. It follows his will. It does what he wants. If Trump tells the state to stop spending money, the money stops. If he says that birthright citizenship is over, it’s over.

Or so he wants you to think. In Trump’s first term, we were told: Don’t normalize him. In his second, the task is different: Don’t believe him.

Trump knows the power of marketing. If you make people believe something is true, you make it likelier that it becomes true. Trump clawed his way back to great wealth by playing a fearsome billionaire on TV; he remade himself as a winner by refusing to admit he had ever lost. The American presidency is a limited office. But Trump has never wanted to be president, at least not as defined in Article II of the U.S. Constitution. He has always wanted to be king. His plan this time is to first play king on TV. If we believe he is already king, we will be likelier to let him govern as a king.

Don’t believe him. Trump has real powers — but they are the powers of the presidency. The pardon power is vast and unrestricted, and so he could pardon the Jan. 6 rioters. Federal security protection is under the discretion of the executive branch, and so he could remove it from Anthony Fauci and Mike Pompeo and John Bolton and Mark Milley and even Brian Hook, a largely unknown former State Department official under threat from Iran who donated time to Trump’s transition team. It was an act of astonishing cruelty and callousness from a man who nearly died by an assassin’s bullet — as much as anything ever has been, this, to me, was an X-ray of the smallness of Trump’s soul — but it was an act that was within his power.

But the president cannot rewrite the Constitution. Within days, the birthright citizenship order was frozen by a judge — a Reagan appointee — who told Trump’s lawyers, “I have difficulty understanding how a member of the bar would state unequivocally that this is a constitutional order. It just boggles my mind.” A judge froze the spending freeze before it was even scheduled to go into effect, and shortly thereafter, the Trump administration rescinded the order, in part to avoid the court case.

What Bannon wanted — what the Trump administration wants — is to keep everything moving fast. Muzzle velocity, remember. If you’re always consumed by the next outrage, you can’t look closely at the last one. The impression of Trump’s power remains; the fact that he keeps stepping on rakes is missed. The projection of strength obscures the reality of weakness. Don’t believe him.

You could see this a few ways: Is Trump playing a part, making a bet or triggering a crisis? Those are the options. I am not certain he knows the answer. Trump has always been an improviser. But if you take it as calculated, here is the calculation: Perhaps this Supreme Court, stocked with his appointees, gives him powers no peacetime president has ever possessed. Perhaps all of this becomes legal now that he has asserted its legality. It is not impossible to imagine that bet paying off.

But Trump’s odds are bad. So what if the bet fails and his arrogations of power are soundly rejected by the courts? Then comes the question of constitutional crisis: Does he ignore the court’s ruling? To do that would be to attempt a coup. I wonder if they have the stomach for it. The withdrawal of the Office of Management and Budget’s order to freeze spending suggests they don’t. Bravado aside, Trump’s political capital is thin. Both in his first and second terms, he has entered office with approval ratings below that of any president in the modern era. Gallup has Trump’s approval rating at 47 percent — about 10 points beneath Joe Biden’s in January 2021.

There is a reason Trump is doing all of this through executive orders rather than submitting these same directives as legislation to pass through Congress. A more powerful executive could persuade Congress to eliminate the spending he opposes or reform the civil service to give himself the powers of hiring and firing that he seeks. To write these changes into legislation would make them more durable and allow him to argue their merits in a more strategic way. Even if Trump’s aim is to bring the civil service to heel — to rid it of his opponents and turn it to his own ends — he would be better off arguing that he is simply trying to bring the high-performance management culture of Silicon Valley to the federal government. You never want a power grab to look like a power grab.

But Republicans have a three-seat edge in the House and a 53-seat majority in the Senate. Trump has done nothing to reach out to Democrats. If Trump tried to pass this agenda as legislation, it would most likely fail in the House, and it would certainly die before the filibuster in the Senate. And that would make Trump look weak. Trump does not want to look weak. He remembers John McCain humiliating him in his first term by casting the deciding vote against Obamacare repeal.

That is the tension at the heart of Trump’s whole strategy: Trump is acting like a king because he is too weak to govern like a president. He is trying to substitute perception for reality. He is hoping that perception then becomes reality. That can only happen if we believe him.

The flurry of activity is meant to suggest the existence of a plan. The Trump team wants it known that they’re ready this time. They will control events rather than be controlled by them. The closer you look, the less true that seems. They are scrambling and flailing already. They are leaking against one another already. We’ve learned, already, that the O.M.B. directive was drafted, reportedly, without the input or oversight of key Trump officials — “it didn’t go through the proper approval process,” an administration official told The Washington Post. For this to be the process and product of a signature initiative in the second week of a president’s second term is embarrassing.

But it’s not just the O.M.B. directive. The Trump administration is waging an immediate war on the bureaucracy, trying to replace the “deep state” it believes hampered it in the first term. A big part of this project seems to have been outsourced to Elon Musk, who is bringing the tactics he used at Twitter to the federal government. He has longtime aides at the Office of Personnel Management, and the email sent to nearly all federal employees even reused the subject line of the email he sent to Twitter employees: “Fork in the Road.” Musk wants you to know it was him.

The email offers millions of civil servants a backdoor buyout: Agree to resign and in theory, at least, you can collect your paycheck and benefits until the end of September without doing any work. The Department of Government Efficiency account on X described it this way: “Take the vacation you always wanted, or just watch movies and chill, while receiving your full government pay and benefits.” The Washington Post reported that the email “blindsided” many in the Trump administration who would normally have consulted on a notice like that.

I suspect Musk thinks of the federal work force as a huge mass of woke ideologues. But most federal workers have very little to do with politics. About 16 percent of the federal work force is in health care. These are, for instance, nurses and doctors who work for the Veterans Affairs department. How many of them does Musk want to lose? What plans does the V.A. have for attracting and training their replacements? How quickly can he do it?

The Social Security Administration has more than 59,000 employees. Does Musk know which ones are essential to operations and unusually difficult to replace? One likely outcome of this scheme is that a lot of talented people who work in nonpolitical jobs and could make more elsewhere take the lengthy vacation and leave government services in tatters. Twitter worked poorly after Musk’s takeover, with more frequent outages and bugs, but its outages are not a national scandal. When V.A. health care degrades, it is. To have sprung this attack on the civil service so loudly and publicly and brazenly is to be assured of the blame if anything goes wrong.

What Trump wants you to see in all this activity is command. What is really in all this activity is chaos. They do not have some secret reservoir of focus and attention the rest of us do not. They have convinced themselves that speed and force is a strategy unto itself — that it is, in a sense, a replacement for a real strategy. Don’t believe them.

I had a conversation a couple months ago with someone who knows how the federal government works about as well as anyone alive. I asked him what would worry him most if he saw Trump doing it. What he told me is that he would worry most if Trump went slowly. If he began his term by doing things that made him more popular and made his opposition weaker and more confused. If he tried to build strength for the midterms while slowly expanding his powers and chipping away at the deep state where it was weakest.

But he didn’t. And so the opposition to Trump, which seemed so listless after the election, is beginning to rouse itself.

There is a subreddit for federal employees where one of the top posts reads: “This non ‘buyout’ really seems to have backfired. I’ll be honest, before that email went out, I was looking for any way to get out of this fresh hell. But now I am fired up to make these goons as frustrated as possible.” As I write this, it’s been upvoted more than 39,000 times and civil servant after civil servant is echoing the initial sentiment.

In Iowa this week, Democrats flipped a State Senate seat in a district that Trump won easily in 2024. The attempted spending freeze gave Democrats their voice back, as they zeroed in on the popular programs Trump had imperiled. Trump isn’t building support; he’s losing it. Trump isn’t fracturing his opposition; he’s uniting it.

This is the weakness of the strategy that Bannon proposed and Trump is following. It is a strategy that forces you into overreach. To keep the zone flooded, you have to keep acting, keep moving, keep creating new cycles of outrage or fear. You overwhelm yourself. And there’s only so much you can do through executive orders. Soon enough, you have to go beyond what you can actually do. And when you do that, you either trigger a constitutional crisis or you reveal your own weakness.

Trump may not see his own fork in the road coming. He may believe he has the power he is claiming. That would be a mistake on his part — a self-deception that could doom his presidency. But the real threat is if he persuades the rest of us to believe he has power he does not have.

The first two weeks of Trump’s presidency have not shown his strength. He is trying to overwhelm you. He is trying to keep you off-balance. He is trying to persuade you of something that isn’t true. Don’t believe him.

You can listen to this conversation by following “The Ezra Klein Show” on NYT Audio App, Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. View a list of book recommendations from our guests here.

[mossworth]

Guys, queers. Specifically my fellow queers.

I work at a library. We do this thing where, every so often, we weed the collection. It hurts to see books go, but it's necessary to make sure there's room in the library for new materials.

I have seen so much support for the library in text, and I've seen folks pass around those beautiful "queer your library" flyers. Keep doing that. That's great. Nothing wrong with that. But you HAVE to turn your words into action. We MUST remember to actually go to our local organizations and libraries and actually, with our own fucking hands, interact with these materials we want to see more of.

My branch is medium-sized for a library, maybe a little small. We don't have as many materials as I'd like, but we have fundamentals. Tell me why, even with all the verbal support I've gotten from my local community for the library as a resource for our LGBT+ community, every single trans biography and a good chunk of our vaguely queer theory books were on the list. This isn't a scheme to take the books off the shelves, it isn't another bigoted American governmental push. The only thing we look at when we weed is how long it's been since the last time the item was checked out.

Three years.

No one in my community interacted in any meaningful way with the few books on trans life and history we physically had on the shelves for three fucking years.

I promise you the materials you want and need are there, but this isn't a horde. This isn't a static safety net. You have to use them. You MUST use them or, in the future, maybe in three years, they *won't* be there anymore.

This isn't a vague post, there's no one person I'm hinting at or calling out. I'm not even talking directly to anyone who's directly in my line of sight. I just want everyone to hear this. Big library, small library, whatever. Doesn't matter. Please, we cannot be losing our shelf visibility like this.

[inbabylontheywept]

The Motherfucking Lizard King

No one at work trusts my boss. 

He's smart. He works hard. He's not trustworthy. He hasn't actually fucked anyone at work over, but he's ruined his last two marriages with affairs, and got dumped by his third fiance when he wouldn't sign a prenup. The fact that we all know this is just a hazard of working in a small town. 

Anyway: The thought process of the people in the lab is that if he screwed over his first wife, and his second wife, and was probably planning on screwing over his third wife, it would be insane for him not to screw us over. After all, what kind of idiot treats their employees better than their spouse? 

I dunno. His kind, I guess? He's had a few chances to fuck us over, and he hasn't taken them. Opposite really. When our parent company was doing furloughs, he stayed in the office almost a hundred hours, talking and talking and talking his way up the corporate ladder. And in the end, no one at our site got furloughed. 

He's pulled strings like that before. And it baffles me, right? Because it really does make zero sense. He'll move the heavens and the earth for us, but his wife and kids are afterthoughts. It feels like any moment, he's going to look into the mirror and realize how stupid that is. It feels like I'm betting on him making the same stupid mistake again, and again, and again - like it would be less cynical to believe he was, eventually, going to stab me in the back. But he hasn't yet, and as far as I can tell he's been making that mistake for close to fifteen years, and it's already cost him everything it can. If he was going to learn, he would have by now. 

So my position on him is that if he wanted to date someone I cared about, I'd warn them off. I don't trust him there. But I tentatively trust him to be my boss. Maybe one day he'll stick the knife in and twist, and everyone will say Ah, Babs, we warned you, but for now, I accept that he's doing a very predictable, very irrational thing, and I've made my peace with it. 

---

My job has glue traps. 

No one likes the glue traps, but we don't have a lot of options. Poison's banned by state law, spring traps are banned by company safety, and several non-lethal options tried in the past failed to work. The mouse problem can get pretty bad if it's ignored, and there's some real health hazards in that. Our site has never had a positive hantavirus test, thank God, but the big base about a half hour away has. That guy's gonna be on oxygen the rest of his life. 

If a mouse gets caught, we just euthanize it. But more than mice get stuck. Lizards can wander into those traps too, and the people working there have different feelings about the lizards. They don't pose nearly the same kind of risk mice do. They're chill little guys, and they keep the moths away, and they're just 

You know. They're friendly. There's something to be said about walking into a room, and hitting the light switch, and seeing two little guys on the wall start to do pushups as soon as they see you. 

People used to just euthanize the lizards too, but I had pet leopard geckos as a kid and I couldn't take that so I wound up googling how to free animals from glue traps. Now, when a lizard gets stuck in a trap - which happens once or twice a week - I get some vegetable oil from the breakroom, and a little plastic fork, and I'll spend fifteen to twenty minutes just kind of gently prying the little guys out. 

I have a team of technicians that help me operate one of the larger machines. They're real blue collar guys, ex-airforce, and they make me look like a little kid. Being an engineer means they'll look to me as a leader sometimes, which is a wild experience. And I started helping the lizards for my own conscience, but one of the crazier consequences of it has been that it seriously boosted my leadership cred. Because those guys see me, and they go: Hey. If he's willing to fight for a lizard, he's gotta be willing to fight for me. 

I cannot overstate how nice that is. Most engineers that want to make a change to a maintenance practice, or try an upgrade, they have to work their asses off to get the techs to buy in. But I can just ask. They already trust me to do good. They know I'm new, and they know I'm not the smartest engineer in the building, but they also know I'm the one who gets lizards out of the glue traps. 

And just because of that, they're willing to follow me. 

---

My boss has a meeting every month or two. It's typically basic house cleaning stuff - reminders about routines we've gotten lazy on, and updates on future projects. Maybe some warnings about problems coming from higher up in the company.

People are, in my opinion, a bit too cynical about the meetings. It stems from people not trusting our boss, which again, I understand, because it would make so much more sense if he wasn't trustworthy. It's a testament to the man's incredibly unhealthy priorities that he is. But as we made it to the end of the meeting, one of bullet points was: 

Do NOT mess with animals in the building. 

So I looked at my techs, and they looked at me, and when he got to the point, he was so scathing I actually just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He said basically that he'd heard some reports about someone in the building handling animals that found their way in and got stuck, and that he just wanted to emphasize how insanely inappropriate that was, not to mention dangerous, and that if he needed to speak to anyone about it again, there would be severe consequences. 

I was willing to just take the shame and move on. I was. But one of my techs is old. Old enough he could've retired two years ago. And his actual literal goal is to one day get angry, yell at someone, and storm out. That's how he wants to retire. So instead of biting his tongue like everyone else, he stood up and said: I hate the glue traps. You hate the glue traps. We all hate glue traps. But we've all sat here for years, ignoring the little things that get stuck in them, watching them die, and then Bab's comes in, and he is the first person in decades to give enough of a shit to start pulling the lizards out. And I don't want him to stop. 

Get humane traps or shut up but we are not going back to the old way of just letting things starve. 

And my boss actually froze up. He got all wide eyed and stared at Marc, and then the other techs jumped in, and there was a very small but intense rebellion in the meeting and my boss kept trying to interrupt while getting absolutely bowled over by this gang of angry middle aged air force vets, and eventually he just went 

I will speak with Babylon about this afterwards! After! And then he will speak with everyone else, but I have more points to cover. 

So they went silent, and my boss rushed through the last five minutes, and we all adjounred. The techs really didn't like that I was going in alone - they thought our boss was going to try and shout me into compliance. Marc in particular was like, Look, if he tries bullying you, stand your ground, and if he threatens anything, just come get us, and we'll give him hell. 

So armed with that, I went to my boss's office. I sat in the chair across from him, and he kept his composure for maybe five seconds before just flopping back into his chair. 

I had no idea you were saving lizards, he said, but I'm glad you are. I always hated seeing them die in the glue.  

I wasn't expecting that. I was about to ask him what the comment from the meeting was about then, but he answered that before I even got the chance.

A snake got into the building last week, and - someone picked it up and chased a coworker around. Turns out that coworker was severely afraid of snakes, and now it's a shitshow. We're a small site, and now I can't ask those two to work together anymore, to say nothing about how the snake fared after all that. Being upset about that is a reasonable thing, right? 

And he gave me a look like he actually wanted an answer, so I said Yeah, totally, chasing a coworker around with a snake is a dick move. Especially if that coworker is already afraid of snakes. 

And he said Exactly! and then we sat there a few moments longer. He looked so incredibly tired that I did, actually, feel kind of bad for him. And then he somehow managed to sink even further into his chair, and said

Look, I know I'm not a good guy. But I'm not evil. I'm not some sort of crazy asshole that's going to demand that everyone watch lizards starve to death. When you go back downstairs, could you try to pass that on? That I'm not evil? 

I said Sure because it wasn't a hard request, and he looked relieved. I actually made it halfway out before I realized I had a question. 

Who grabbed the snake? I asked. 

Not supposed to talk about it, he said. But whoever comes to mind first is probably right. 

ThatGuy? I asked. And he looked me in the face, nodded his head yes, and said No. 

---

The techs seemed a little disappointed that they didn't get to storm the boss's office, but were otherwise in good spirits. They were actually a little bit embarrassed to hear about the snake story - apparently, it wasn't much of a secret. It'd just slipped their minds because it happened three weeks ago. 

We did maintenance after that, the same basic repairs we did every week. The meeting had been stressful and it was a relief to work with my hands. When the parts were reinstalled, everything cleaned and smooth and ready to go, Marc found me again. 

You know what the lesson of today is? he asked. And there were quite a few answers to that that I could have taken - from don't assume the worst of people to be careful with how you spend your trust - we all need it more than we think. 

But instead I said what? because I wanted to hear what his answer was going to be. 

That I got your back, he said. Then he clapped one very, very large hand on my shoulder, gave it a good squeeze, and walked back to dosimetry lab.

---

The next day, Marc gave me a package and told me to open it in my office. I was suspicious, but I followed the request.

Cardboard gave way to a small baggie, obviously full of fabric, which opened to reveal a t-shirt that read

"I Am the Motherfucking Lizard King."

I looked at it, I loved it, and then I got an idea. I went to my boss's office and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I asked him if he would be willing to allow something very unprofessional to happen for morale building purposes.

How unprofessional? he asked. I held the shirt up in answer. He gave the shirt a short look over and snorted.

You can wear it on weeks without customers, he said. Which just so happened to include that week.

I'll pass on that it came with your blessing, I replied, and he looked oddly relieved.

Thanks, he said. And then I went downstairs.

---

The techs were very, very happy to see the shirt. And while my boss's reputation remains in tatters, and probably will be until he moves (or dies), the next time there was a meeting, there was quite a bit less complaining about how mere presence. Which is, I guess, a start.

We'll see if he squanders it.

[ratspider]

having to do something about your loneliness is so embarrassingggggg like NO if i talk to people they'll KNOW I'M A LONELY WEIRDO

[heartkaji]

currently thinking about bakugo “it’s not that deep” katsuki.

katsuki’s got a temper that makes him more chalant than not, but when it comes to everything else the blonde is relatively…unreactive. it’s not like he tries to be that way, he just has to be. when you’re surrounded by idiots like denki & sero on a daily basis, you eventually learn to choose your fucks & allocate them wisely.

“bakugo, class 1-B’s been hogging the hero equipment—how do we train now ?”

“it’s never that deep, tape face. just go later y’dumbass”

“bakubro, i think my situationship just blocked me—“

“literally just move on. really not that serious.”

the phrase has practically become katsuki’s signature one liner. so it’s a shock when his friends make you realize you’ve never actually heard the words from his lips.

“katsuki ? and nonchalant ? in the same sentence ? you must be joking.”

mina & sero are watching outer banks with your laptop while denki & kiri glance at each other in confusion. “you’re serious? he’s never said stuff like that to you ?”

“like ever?”

“never.” you run a brush through your hair. “though i guess i could imagine him talking to you guys that way.”

“double standards go crazy” mina mumbles. “real.”

“no, guys—all hope is not lost. it could be that y/n is really rational so he never has to say it, you feel me ?”

you scoff, but denki keeps talking, “we can test this out. just get y/n to act really dramatic and see how bakugo reacts.”

sero pauses the episode, ignoring the scowl that graces mina’s lips. “fifty bucks there really is a double standard and bakugo won’t act all nonchalant.”

“fifty bucks ? that’s half my salary!”

“not my fault you work at mcdonald’s dawg. you guys in or what ?”

kiri’s quick to strike the deal on kaminari’s behalf. denki’s about to protest when the fiery blond walks in.

“disgusting. why are you all sitting around like degenerates? not you baby.”

“what happened to ‘hello, how are you?’”

“hi ‘suki.” you purr, ignoring sero. katsuki dips his head to peck your lips, a quiet ‘hey pretty’ mumbled into your cheek.

sero snaps his fingers at the display of affection. “excuse me? in front of my obx?”

“the one you’re watching with my netflix subscription?” bakugo snaps the laptop shut and mina protests with a mouth full of popcorn. you’re about to playfully defend the duo when kirishima nudges your elbow. he cocks his head towards bakugo and you understand immediately.

“katsuki,” you tug at the hem of your boyfriend’s sleeve & look into his eyes with the most tender expression you can muster. “i’m out of lipliner.”

“okay ?”

you hear a snort and you know it’s from sero.

“there’s nothing ‘okay’ about it ‘suki. i need a new one or else i’ll literally die.”

bakugo’s brows knit in confusion. “is this your way of begging me for money?” he begins to dig at his wallet and you swat his arm away.

“beg is insane.”

“i don’t need your money.” you snap. “i need my lipliner. now”

“just order—“ “now.”

“what do you mean now? it’s almost nine pm, where the fuck are you going ?”

“nowhere. i just need it.”

“do you have a fever ?” “katsuki!”

“i need it now ‘suki,” you hug your arms around his body and place your chin on his chest. “if i don’t get it right now i’m literally gonna cry.”

your lips jut into a pout. you can tell he’s about to protest so you take his palm into your own. “it’s not that—fuck. whatever. where the hell are my keys ?”

he gently nudges you off him before grabbing the car keys off the front table, a string of grumbles leaving his lips as he sets out on the side quest regardless. he shuts the door behind him & suddenly the room buzzes back to life.

“y/n your pussy cannot be that good.”

“literally what i’m saying bro.”

“ho did you use rose quartz on him ??”

“i always knew you were a witch for real.”

“this whole interaction just piss me off.”

“i’m going home. denki and kiri, you owe me fifty bucks each.”

“EACH ?”

( bonus )

it’s nearly half an hour later & katsuki isn’t back so you’re starting to get worried. sero and the gang have already left, leaving you to deal with the growing anxiety by yourself. you finally decided to text your boyfriend only to find he’s sent you several messages already:

© ─ heartkaji ; do not steal, copy, edit, translate or reupload

[algae-tm]

PIT PRINCESS

Max Verstappen x mechanic!Reader

Summary : you accidentally (?) become part of the red bull pit crew

Currently Playing : Nissan Altima by Doechii

Warning : Doing what I do best, so just pure crack, like 0 accuracy to anything enjoy

Author’s Note : IM BACKKKK, did you miss me? cause I missed you. Heyyyy how y’all doing, sorry for being kinda inactive it’s a mix between writers block and believing everything I write is straight up dookie.

••••••

TWITTER

•••••

INSTAGRAM

yourusername just posted

liked by redbullracing, charles_leclerc and 10,089 others

yourusername : hello Australia! first day on the job pretty nervy 🫠

view all comments

redbullracing : welcome home y/n 😊

— yourusername : thank god you’re here admin I’m surrounded by serious science people

user2 : wait you were being serious on twitter 😭

— yourusername : I’m always serious :(

— user2 : @/yourusername girl pls ✋🏽 you just said the garage was full of serious science people😭😭

charles_leclerc : glad you found your way, now please never enter my garage again

— user4 : lmao wut did she do????!!

— charles_leclerc : she gave us the cupcakes she baked

— yourusername : just being neighbourly 😊

— charles_leclerc : now half my garage has a tummy ache

— yourusername : damn… they weren’t good then 😞

— charles_leclerc : this is psychological and biological warfare!!

— yourusername : god forbid a girl commits acts of terror 🙄 but I’ll make it up to you guys I’ll bake you a fresh batch

— charles_leclerc : NON!!! Please do not! Refrain from doing so! Do not bring any baked goods near us!

— yourusername : tough crowd

user5 : damn DEI is getting crazy out here

— user6 : I hate to be this person but is this like an optics thing for rbr? They don’t have the greatest publicity rn…

— user7 : I’d agree with you but there are many black women they could hire who are actually qualified for the job

TEXTS

yourusername just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, yukitsunoda and 28,000 others

yourusername : woohoo P1 for Max and points for Yuki! Also a quick tour through the paddock this stuff is pretty cool and thanks for the hat Ferrari admin I love you! #vibesoverdata

view all comments

maxverstappen1 : I’m not even mad… I’m confused, I’m scared, but not mad

yukitsunoda0511 : you gave me moon water instead of electrolytes… thank you?

— user5 : did it work?

— yukitsunoda0511 : my mind has never been clearer. I have never been more focused

user3 : surely that front wing is illegal?

— yourusername : nothing in the handbook against amethyst 🤷🏿‍♀️

fia.official : we are investigating literally everything

— yourusername : max recited the rule book from memory during our first ever meeting. I know the law

— user6 : max did you say? How interesting…

charles_leclerc : admin did you let y/n into our garage again??

— charles_leclerc : @/scuderiaferrari admin pls answer me

— charles_leclerc : @/scuderiaferrari admin she cannot be allowed anywhere near us!

— charles_leclerc : she is sabotaging us!

— charles_leclerc : i do not know how, but i will get to the bottom of this!

— yourusername : 😊😊

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f1 just posted

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f1 :

Lando, Max & Oscar react to yet another chaotic Red Bull win, featuring: mysterious tire lube, questionable science, and Y/N’s ever-growing legend.

“Less friction, more fast.” - Y/N, probably.

view all comments

oscarpiastri : I’ve seen things, I can’t unsee them

user10 : I’m sorry but like how did she even get this job?

— user5 : can you not see she’s a whole witch??

lando : can someone check to see if this violates the Geneva convention?

— oscarpiastri : now how do you know what that is?

— ferrariteamlegal : we are looking into it.

user7 : “why does she even have lube” is taking me out 😭

user11 : ur telling me it worked?? She’s a genius! Lock her up

yourusername : science is about boldness! Next time: coconut oil = cornering grace, you’re welcome ☺️

— user27 : science is about boldness meanwhile she has a degree in history and got a C in GCSE science 😭

— yourusername : gosh y’all really hate to see a woman in STEM succeed

— user10 : once again I have to ask… how did you get this job?? @/christianhorner

— christianhorner : error with the paperwork 🤷‍♂️

user88 : no but she commented as if she’s not on an active FBI watchlist

user62 : enzo ferrari did NOT die for this

user1 : the way Lando is actually analysing her methods 😭

— lando : I believe in the power of the crystals! I was the first to understand the vision.

maxverstappen1 : i’m in awe of her, she scares the shit out of me! Two things can be true at once

TWITTER

PRESS CONFERENCE LOG

Location: Paddock, Emilia-Romagna GP Date: [22nd May 2025] Participants: Simon Lazenby (Sky Sports F1) Dr. Helmut Marko (Red Bull Racing)

SIMON LAZENBY (on camera, paddock background): Good evening, Dr. Marko, and congratulations on an unbeaten start to the season, six out of six P1 and P2 finishes for Red Bull. What’s the secret behind Red Bull’s magical turnaround?

HELMUT MARKO (smiling, leans in): Literal magic. But no. To be honest, I thought I’d seen every trick in the book. Then Y/N arrived, and started doing her own thing. So part witchcraft, part guerrilla engineering, I like it she is cutthroat.

SIMON: Let’s break it down. First, crystals on the front wing, amethyst for traction, obsidian for “haters.” That one alone was bonkers enough. What else is on the menu?

HELMUT (chuckles): After Turn One in Bahrain, we realized crystals gave us a few extra tenths in the corners. But Y/N didn’t stop there. Lube on the tire sidewalls, supposedly “reduces drag.” Glitter in the engine bay, “sparkle horsepower,” she called it. Moon water in the fuel cooler reservoir for “emotional balance.”

SIMON: And yet the car hasn’t exploded…?

HELMUT: Not yet. In Bahrain, Y/N used dry ice as a tire warm-up trick. The team refused at first, then we got P1 in quali. By Miami, we had reiki sessions before FP1 and “chakra mapped” pit stop choreography. The results speak for themselves.

SIMON: Yes, you’re correct. Six wins. Those are amazing results. Are you worried the FIA will clamp down on… “spiritual performance enhancements”?

HELMUT (shrugs): They’re investigating whether quartz crystals count as “moveable aerodynamic devices.” Until they ban minerals from the car, we’re technically within the regs. And if the FIA wants to stop snow globe energy grids under the chassis, they must first catch us removing them.

SIMON: Rival teams aren’t exactly thrilled. Charles Leclerc has publicly called it “psychological warfare.” What’s your response to that?

HELMUT: Let them complain. Ferrari’s so busy drafting protest letters they’re forgetting to improve lap times. It’s the oldest weapon in the book, distract your enemy.

SIMON: Looking ahead, are these just party tricks, or is Y/N shaping up to be a genuine race strategist?

HELMUT (leans forward, very earnest): Simon, F1 is margins. Data used to rule everything, now it’s vibes plus data. Y/N has delivered six wins in a row. I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re looking at the next team principal, or dare I say, the first psychic FIA president. Y/N is either the downfall or rebirth of F1.

SIMON: Final question, your championship lead is healthy, but with Monaco next, can these… unorthodox methods hold up?

HELMUT (grins): If you can’t out engineer them, out vibe them. We have a full moon on race weekend, and Y/N’s already ordering new “lucky salts” from Marrakech. It doesn’t hurt that both the drivers really like her.

SIMON (smiles to camera): There you have it, six races, six wins, and F1’s most bizarre yet unstoppable strategy. Back to you, Crofty.

TEXTS

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yourusername : My crocs have never led me astray, got a pair for max, sadly he can’t wear them in the cockpit, but I can wear mine during pitstops! If I can feel the asphalt, I am the asphalt #PaddockFashionIcon

view all comments

maxverstappen1 : you nearly got run over wearing those. 10/10 race energy tho. also my crocs fit suspiciously well btw

— yourusername : that’s because i measured your foot in your sleep x

— lando : is this flirting or a hostage situation?

oscarpiastri : Charles is not emotionally equipped enough to witness whatever this is

danielricciardo : neither am I but I’m staying for the chaos

charles_leclerc : you WHAT?? You’re giving him enchanted footwear now?

user4 : y’all need to leave Charles alone 😭 Ferrari torture him enough

charles_leclerc : this is psychological sabotage! You are aiding max with moon rocks and crocs and I’m supposed to just drive??

— user6 : he’s gunna start typing in all caps soon

charles_leclerc : STOP FLIRTING

— user6 : there it is…

charles_leclerc : this is a championship fight not a love story!

user6 : he’s so close to a full breakdown I fear

charles_leclerc : THE CROCS HAVE GLITTER ON THEM I SAW THE GLITTER SITH MY EYES!!!

charles_leclerc : WHO GLITTERS RACE WEAR?? WHO DOES THAT???

— yourusername : it’s called sparkle, you wouldn’t get it… it’s a red bull thing

— user8 : no one in the history of anything has ever associated red bull with sparkle

user15 : multiple comments from Charles and y/n hasn’t even blinked. An apex predator.

maxverstappen1 : @/charles_leclerc the sparkle works, also she decorated my water bottle it has a tiny heart charm now. I like it. Feels fast.

user10 : Charles leclerc breakdown aside… wtf is going on between max and y/n???

— user6 : she put a love spell on man’s hydration system 😭

— user12 : max was unbothered and emotionally shut off for like five years then y/n shows up with crystals and now he’s smiling in the garage like a teen girl in love

— user11 : the way max lets her paint tiny stars on his helmet for cosmic alignment?? we’re so far from reality and i love it

georgerussell63 : i think i saw toto crying after she put a healing crystal on the rear wing. Just silently to himself.

user16 : y/n is just that girl I fear her. I want her.

— user5 : so does max get in line.

crocs : we are legally required to say this is not a brand partnership, but can confirm that someone by the name of Charles leclerc just bought a pair of crocs.

TEXTS

•••••

I’ve literally been writing this all day, by the way ik I haven’t posted in a WHILE, so if you want me to remove you from my tag list just let me know

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

@destinyg237

@aliorasspace

[magicaloneandmystery]

crush

pairing: tfatws!Bucky x fem!reader

summary: Bucky was just trying to live as normally as he could given his history. he never thought a teenage-like crush would be part of that normalcy.

tags: idiots in love, sorta friends to lovers, fluff, slightly ooc Bucky? this is not proofread

masterlist

he was in deep shit, he concluded. that, or he was going insane. out of his mind. schizophrenic, even.

Bucky was on his bike, reflecting back on his evening with you. specifically, the way his heart had raced when the two of you were lounging with you just a little closer than friends were supposed to. or maybe, he was reading too much into it? had you meant to sit that close?

I mean, it wasn't even that close, actually... he thought.

that wasn't the concerning part, though. the concerning part was that he wanted you to sit closer.

in fact, much closer.

the characters in the movie they had been watching, in a particular scene one of them was sitting on the lap of the other, and he remembered thinking, "wish that was y/n on me."

he had immediately choked on air at realising the insanity of that thought.

so, Bucky's only two conclusions were:

a) he was undergoing a psychotic episode.

b) he was developing a crush on you.

option b was, frankly, just as insane as option a.

because Bucky was over a century old, for fuck's sake. how ludicrous would it be if he starts developin crushes like he was in high school?

and, lastly, he cannot ruin the friendship he has with you. nope. that was not allowed.

you were the light in his dark life, the thread that holds him to normalcy of adjusting to 21st century life, the sun to his gloomy sky-

yeah, he was in deep shit.

so, naturally, he was left with no other option than to knock on Sam"s door to ask for some advice. he wasn't about to fuck this up and he had no idea how these things worked anymore. the last time he went out with a woman was 80 years ago.

that was another horrible, horrible idea, Bucky realised, when Sam started wheezing and laughing and sputtering out his water at the words, "I think I have a crush on y/n."

"Bucky Barnes... developing a crush?" Sam had raised his eyebrows, before he descended into his laughing fit.

"are you done?" Bucky sighed after a while. "I came here for real advice, you know."

"sorry, sorry," Sam wiped some tears from his eyes. "what do you want my advice on? I think I can contact my nephew for some advice on crushes with girls..."

"if you're gonna be an ass about this I'm just gonna leave," Bucky grumbled.

"okay okay," Sam raised his hands. "I'll behave. for now."

Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and looked back at Sam. "how do I... tell her? uh. should I tell her?"

"you think she might like you back?"

Bucky told him about last night, the way you curled on the couch next to him, your fingers almost touching his, both of your hands splayed between you two. he told Sam about the shy smile you held around him whenever he was flirting with you - as a friend, of course - or the way she had almost cancelled a date because Bucky said he was feeling bored and wanted to know if she was free.

"she what?" Sam asked at the last one.

"yeah, I called her up one day when I had nothing to do and thought we could hang out. she was ready to blow off this guy she was seeing to hang out with me until I told her that I would find something to do, she needs to go out." Bucky must say, the warmth in his chest felt quite pleasant when he said those words out.

"and?" Sam pressed. "is she seeing anyone, then?" presently?"

"not that I'm aware of."

"we have good intel to work on," Sam nodded. "I have a plan."

✿✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠

Bucky was acting... weird.

good weird.

incredible weird.

weird in a way that made your heart flutter and the butterflies in your stomach flap around wildly.

he has been flirting a lot with you recently. small remarks about your beauty, hair, voice coupled with that charming smile? yeah, you didn't stand a chance.

you didn't understand how to interpret his behaviour. was he just opening up to you more, letting his charming side out? or was he flirting to...

you didn't let yourself complete the sentence. you couldn't let yourself hope that your feelings were reciprocated. that sort of hope could ruin your friendship with him.

all of those thoughts went out the window when Bucky put his arm on the couch behind you, his fingers almost - but not really - touching your shoulders. you could feel the heat of his body, smell his cologne even better. it was becoming hard to focus on the weekly movie you had picked out, a classic to help Bucky catch up to the world slowly.

after a while, your breathing evened out and you could move, so you opted to pretend and move just an inch closer. test out the waters, and all that.

it was a really slow night, but by the time the climax was nearing, you were pressed into his side, his hands resting on your shoulders and your thighs pressed to each other.

something shifted that night.

the two of you became bolder with your physical affection.

longer hugs, more cuddles on the couch, casual hand holding while walking through crowds or crossing streets.

that went on for about two weeks before your friends had encouraged you to do something more, take a risk. they swore they were 100% sure he liked you back. said it would be a 'calculated risk' bound to end in success. so you obliged them.

because maybe, just maybe, you believed Bucky really did like you back, too.

"would you want to go out tonight?" you asked him. "I was thinking how we've been hanging out too much at the apartment lately. let's go out! have some fun. what do you say?"

"yeah, sure. where do you want to go, doll?" Bucky leaned back, the phone pressed to his ears while he shot a confused look at Sam, who raised his eyebrows in return.

"have you been to the cafe near my place, the one with the best cheesecake ever?"

✿✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠✿⁠

so here you were.

on Bucky's motorcycle, your arms wrapped around his waist, while he took you to all the cafes that you swore he needed to try.

you were wearing a simple, long dress that had Bucky staring at your frame for a while longer than usual, while he was wearing a dark leather jacket and faded jeans, looking handsome as ever.

after a night of cafe hopping and good food, the two of you were returning home.

"I had a good time," you hummed when he stopped his bike in front of your apartment.

"me too," he replied, kicking out the stand and parking his bike while he walked you to your door.

"you know," you said, nerves overtaking you, your hands wringing together. "I had a much better time with you than with any of my dates in the last six months."

"yeah?" Bucky breathed out, stepping closer to you. he took a deep inhale before saying, "maybe you shouldn't go on any other dates."

your mind went in an overdrive at his words. did he just-?

"maybe we should have more of these nights," he continued, leaning his face closer to yours to catch your eye. "I know I would love that."

you stared in his eyes, their waves shining brightly in the moonlight. "I- I would love that too." you said.

"yeah?" he cupped your cheek with one hand, his other one resting on your waist. "can I kiss you, doll?"

"please."

and that's how you shared your first kiss with Bucky Barnes. your hands on his shoulders, his holding your face gently. it started out as a hesitant brush of the lips, until you pressed closer, wanting more. it was slow, a lazy tango of your lips as you two explored each other with racing hearts.

you separated for a quick breath before diving back in, another kiss that felt more passionate, holding each other closer, his hands now around your back, pulling you closer to him, yours around his neck, playing with his soft hair. that one left you breathless in a whole different way than just lack of oxygen.

after a quick and final peck, he stepped back a little. your head was swimming with thoughts of Bucky and all you could do was bring your hands back to his shoulders, keeping him close.

an awkward tension descended upon the pair, neither knowing what to say.

"so are we... dating?" you immediately panicked, wondering if this was the right question to ask right after you kissed a guy.

but it isn't any guy. it's Bucky, your heart whispered.

"I guess so," he chuckled. "would you like... that?"

"I would love that." a grin spread across the two of you.

he nodded. "I should go," he said, though he tightened his hold on you for a second. "a good night kiss?"

"yes please," you didn't wait, kissing him once more.

"have a good night, doll," he spoke afterwards, lips just inches apart.

"you too, Bucky," you said, staring at his lips then eyes.

"I'll call you tomorrow?" he asked, not knowing what dating today looked like. he'll have to ask Sam about that.

"okay," you said.

"bye," he said.

"you know you actually have to move away from me and to your bike to leave?" you teased.

"what if I don't want to leave?" he retorted with a roll of his eyes.

you laughed, slapping his shoulder lightly. "go, Bucky. we'll talk tomorrow?"

"yes." he said, pressing a sweet kiss to your cheeks one last time before he walked towards his bike.

you entered your apartment, waving to him as he sat on his bike, looking at you. he waved back with a grin.

after he rode away, you closed and locked the door, leaning against it as you touched your lips and cheeks, all the places his lips had touched you. your heart was racing wildly, the butterflies in your stomach refusing to slow down, the memories of the night replaying in your head. Bucky Barnes might be the death of you, you thought.

you were in deep shit, you concluded.

this was longer than I usually write but thank you so much for reading! likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated <3

[dollishmehrayan]

# “I NEED YOUR LOVING, LIKE THE SUNSHINE, EVERYONE’S GOT TO LEARN SOMETIME.” ── .✦ ( batboys when they have a crush on you ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ )

dollish note ౨ৎ: yes this is based off that one korgis song and if you know it, your elite marry me immediately anywayss I need like more cute events to do omgg and guys I’m going to look for a new divider edition but the bunny will always stay don’t worryyy tags: (batboys x reader)

© dollishmehrayan — ( all rights reserved to me. These works cannot be reposted, translated, or modified. Thank you for understanding dollies! )

DICK GRAYSON ── .✦

He’s so obvious. Everyone knows. Even villains probably know, even you probably know but we always play hard to get. (that’s js me sorry)

Overly casual compliments: “Wow, you look… good. Like, really good. Is that new? No? I just never noticed how great you always look??”

Purposely hangs around you way more than necessary. “Oh wow, fancy seeing you here again... at this coffee shop... at this exact time... for the fifth time this week…”, “uh.. sure okay dick.”

Gets physically flustered. You smile at him and he bumps into a wall.

Brings you little gifts like coffee, snacks, or something you mentioned once two months ago that he totally remembered.

Accidentally lets it slip to Barbara. You find out two days later because she’s evil (and supportive). GIRL BOSSSSS

RASON RODD (IF YKYK) ── .✦

Denies it to everyone. Even himself. “Me? Crushing? Pfft. Please. I'm just being nice. I’m always this nice. Shut up.”

Acts all chill and tough but turns into a sarcastic teddy bear when you're around.

Tries not to care but notices everything about you like when you’re tired, upset, or need space.

Gets really protective, then downplays it. “Yeah I threatened that guy because he was being annoying. Not because he was flirting with you. Nope.” ( our little nonchalant guy )

Will read/watch your favorite stuff in secret so he can talk about it with you, then pretends he hated it. “No, I didn’t like it. But the plot twist in episode 7 was wild. Just sayin’.”

Probably punches a wall the first time someone calls him out. Literally everyone in the family: “Just ask them out already.”

TIM DRAKE ── .✦

Has a million tabs open on “how to tell if someone likes you back.”

Obsesses over every text you send. Sends a reply. Deletes it. Writes a better one. Deletes that too. Eventually sends “lol yeah same” and regrets it instantly.

Runs into you and forgets how to function for 3 seconds. “Hey—hi—hey. Sorry. I mean. Hello.”

Will research your interests so he can impress you or casually bring them up. “Oh, you’re into ___? I read a couple papers about that, super cool stuff.”

Accidentally calls you “cute” in passing, then vanishes for two days to a point you wonder if he might appear on the missing website thing.

You find out he has a playlist called “maybe someday” and the first song is something painfully romantic.

DAMIAN WAYNE ── .✦

Pretends he doesn’t like you. Like, aggressively. But it’s so obvious.

Gives you weirdly thoughtful gifts and says things like, “I noticed you were using inferior supplies.”

Blushes if you compliment him. Denies he’s blushing. “Tt. The temperature is simply warm.”

Subtly changes his schedule to be around you more. He’ll be in the library when you’re there, in the gym at the same time it’s definitely not a coincidence (even though he insists it is).

Draws you. Like, sketches. Constantly. Says it’s “for anatomy practice.”

Acts annoyed when you talk to someone else, then pouts in a corner like a feral cat.

BRUCE WAYNE ── .✦

He doesn’t even realize it at first. It hits him out of nowhere, like genuinely out of thin air.

Brooding increases by 200%. He stares off into space, thinking about you, and Alfred has to snap him out of it.

Becomes awkwardly formal. “Would you… perhaps… like to join me for dinner? I understand if that’s… inconvenient.” ( like despite being a former player and all and smoothhh as hell when he genuinely likes someone he can’t be smooth, your like his Andrea beaumont but if they worked out )

Totally asks Alfred for advice. Alfred gives him the same advice he gave him at 16.

When you smile at him, he short-circuits a little. You get a rare, soft Bat-smile in return.

Once he’s sure of his feelings, he’s all in but oh boy, it takes a while.

[ofbatsandballads]

have a little Jason drabble inspired by me going to my work bestie’s bachelorette party tonight. yes, yes I did imagine all this while getting ready and what about it? also consider this a part of my jason gets the girl series.

Jason Todd is a worrier. You knew that the very first night you met him when he automatically assumed that you, a woman living alone and wearing fuzzy pajamas, would be a danger to him. You know that now by his incessant questions that he’s been pelting at you for the past hour.

“You’ll keep in contact with me, right?” he asks from the other side of the shower curtain.

“Of course, Jay,” you reply as you twist like a contortionist while shaving your legs.

“I know it’s a bachelorette party, but please don’t drink so much that you don’t know what’s goin’ on around you, baby,” he says, voice raised so you can hear him over your hair dryer.

“I know, Jay. I’ve not forgotten where we live!” you shout back as reassuringly as you can.

“You sure I can’t convince ya to stay here with me?” he asks, only half joking, as you flip through the hangers in your shared closet looking for what to wear.

“You’re making a very convincing argument,” you concede as he kisses down your neck. “But no. Alas, I cannot be a shitty friend.”

“Fine. But at least wear somethin’ that goes with the jacket I got you,” he grumbles.

You laugh under your breath. This man. He’s such a worry wart. But you get it. Jason goes out every night into the belly of the beast, sees the worst of the worst. He knows what happens to vulnerable young women in this city, and you can’t blame him for his overprotective nature. So if wearing the tan leather jacket, a smaller replica of the one he wears as Red Hood, that has a tracker sewn into the interior is what he needs to ease his anxious mind, you’ll do it without complaint.

“It’s a gorgeous jacket, Jaybear. It goes with everything,” you say as you scratch soothingly at his scalp.

“You know where you’ll be tonight?” he asks from the foot of your bed, watching you as you put on your makeup.

“Uh huh. We’re not going to any bars or clubs or anything like that. Maid of honor just rented a penthouse in the Diamond District. We’ll probably spend the night eating pizza and drinking cocktails,” you answer as you try not to stab yourself in the eye with your mascara wand.

Jason makes a little grunt of agreement. You idly think that he sounds just like his dad, but you also don’t say that because you’re not a complete idiot. Also because you once told Jason he looked like Bruce and how miraculous that was since he was adopted, and he spent the next three days mumbling 'don't look anythin’ like the old man’ every time he glanced in a mirror.

You glance behind you in the vanity mirror to see the love of your life. His expression tugs your heartstrings. He looks so…melancholy. Emotions are storming in his sea green eyes and all you want is to ease his worries. You lay down your makeup brush and pad over to him, settling down in his lap. His hands come up automatically to rest on your hips, thumbs stroking over the softness.

“What’s wrong, angel?” you whisper, smoothing out the creases between his furrowed eyebrows with the tips of your fingers.

“I don’t—” he stops abruptly, tries to find the words he needs. “I’m not tryin’ to be overbearing. Don’t wanna be one of those guys that tells their girl what to do.”

He takes a breath and you stay silent. He has to get this out and you’ll wait as long as it takes.

“I just…worry. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t lose you. I can’t,” and his voice breaks like stained glass. “I wouldn’t survive it. I know this is fuckin’ stupid. Me actin’ like this over a bachelorette party but I just…I can’t stop thinkin’ about all the things that could happen.”

Oh. Oh, your sweet, loving, heaven sent boyfriend. You know his past haunts him, that this city haunts him. You wish you could take all his worries away and wrap him in a nice warm blanket. You’d tuck him away from the world, keep him safe and happy and cared for all his days if you could.

“Jason, look at me,” you tilt his head up with your fingers under his jaw. “I promise you I will do everything in my power to be as safe as possible. I won’t drink irresponsibly. I’ll make sure to text you if anything, and I mean anything, starts to get weird. It won’t, but if it did you would be on speed dial. And trust me, angel, I have no intentions of staying the night.”

You don’t. Good friend or not, you can’t sleep well if you’re not wrapped in the strong arms of the man beneath you.

“So I expect you to be waiting on that tricked out bike of yours to pick me up,” you beam at him, run your hand through his hair because you know it makes him melt into your touch.

“I’ll be waitin’ for you,” he says, a solemn promise that extends far beyond tonight.

“Good. Now that being said, I will be bringing home all the dick decorations because I wanna plant them in your brother’s apartment. Just to fuck with him,” you giggle.

Jason lights up for the first time tonight. His green eyes gleam with mischief and adoration.

“Oh, you are my fuckin’ soulmate, baby. I’ll help you break in.”