#like yesterday my mom and i were on the 2 hour drive to the hospital where i'm getting surgery right

[gender-euphowrya]

so the thing is my grandma is the world's most anxious person so we agreed that i would Not tell her about me getting surgery until it's done

but it's like so hard to hide things from her like she's got some kind of bullshit sixth sense that tells her to call my phone when i'm having appointments

[brinconvenient]

This is a long tale, but I appreciate you taking the time to meet my friend Chris and help her out if you can.

TL;DR: my friend, an elderly queer woman I met when she was homeless just lost everything she owns in a fire at her first permanent home she had after becoming unhoused. Luckily, she and her cat were not home at the time. Please help if you can by donating or boosting.

This is a queer elder who needs our help. I'm hoping tumblr can come through for her

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

Here's the long tale:

A friend of mine just lost everything except herself, her cat and the clothes on her back to a fire at her apartment (her first after being homeless for years) on Friday. We learned yesterday that nothing from her apartment is recoverable. Please help!

(Long post with cute cat pictures behind the readmore)

I met Chris one Sunday afternoon after driving past her three times as she sat on a bench outside our local library after closing. I stopped to ask if she needed a ride, and found out that she was homeless, staying in motels when her SSI came in and on the street when it ran out.

As the years have passed, I've learned a lot about her. Despite her parents kicking her out at 17 when she was outed to them as gay, she went back to school and became a social worker, working in several Chicago hospitals through the 80s and 90s, and, like a lot of queer women in the caring fields at that time, tended to and provided comfort and care for (among others) so many gay men, young and old, living with and dying from AIDS, from the earliest days of the disease through the availability of the triple cocktail and to the brighter days of hope.

Through it all, she had relationships with women in a time where that was something that wasn't always safe to do. Some were good, some bad, and some resulting in her losing nearly everything, but she struggled through. She quit social work in 99 or 2000 when her mom got sick and passed away, and then stayed out of the workforce to care for her dad until he passed in 2006. Those experiences impacted her deeply, and she became permanently disabled during that period, leaving her living on SSI, and struggling with her own mental health. She eventually lost her condo, and bounced in and out of apartments and motels.

When I met her in Sept 2019, I helped her get back into the motel she'd been staying at and bridging her to her next check and then making sure that she could stay there, and reliably get her maintenance meds and start rebuilding her life and credit.

This is her and everything she owned as we left her hotel room for the final time on Valentine's Day 2022.

The cat there is Bailey, her constant companion since they adopted each other in September 2021. They've both been through a lot and are absolutely the picture of "Who rescued whom?"

We started having biweekly dinners and I worked with her creditors and tried to get her credit score back into a good place, and helped her get banked and fixed up with access to the Internet and just help her feel more solid and stable in her life.

Just over 2 years later, in February 2022, we were finally able to get her into a senior independent living apartment, her first permanent home since about 2017. She had no furniture, but with some secondhand pickups and occasional pickups, we got her something resembling a home.

It wasn't perfect, and she had her grumbles, certainly, but it was her home. It was a place that she could launch from to recover and consider moving some place even better, if she chose.

However, Friday, July 14, Bailey had an afternoon vet appointment. Everything was fine when we left, but when we got home, with Bailey in a carrier in the backseat, we were shocked to see what looked like a million emergency vehicles & a whole lot of seniors sitting on the grass.

Chris and Bailey came with me to take my daughter into the city that evening, giving the situation 2 hours to develop and for us to get more information. We heard a few newsradio updates and saw this story on abc7, getting the sinking feeling that that balcony looked too familiar.

When we got back from the city, we were able to drive around the back of the building and confirm that this was her apartment.

We were able to get back to the building on Tuesday and get into the apartment to get her medications, but everything is water damaged from the sprinkler system (with all of its stagnant water) and the firehoses. All her furniture. All her clothes. Her bed. Her degrees. Gone.

Everything she owned is gone. She literally owns less now than when she was homeless. She's despairing and trying her best to keep it together, but she's lost so many homes in her life, going back to when she was 17 and her parents found out she is gay and kicked her out.

This all feels like too much. Please help. Please donate what you can, and share where you're able.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

[razor-tits]

A very long and over due life update.

So, to start this off I guess I need to back up. Let's start in October. It feels like yesterday but also a lifetime ago. Things were...ok I'd say. Boring, routine, the only shake up was my hormones ran out and my job was changing our insurance, so I had to cancel my follow up appointment for bloodwork and a refill. But then I got some bad news from my parents.

My dad had a heart attack and was in the hospital. He was ok, but he needed surgery. First they thought just a stent, but then decided he needed a triple bypass. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, but we're kind of distant. I live a few hours away and only see them around the holidays but we talk on the phone weekly. My dad can lean a little on the conservative side but both of them are the absolute salt of the earth. They're done so much to help me and I felt powerless to be able to help. I couldn't leave work and felt like there was nothing I could do.

The next couple weeks were rough, my dad was staying in the hospital, my mom was going back and forth staying with him and taking care of my grandma, who is in her late 80's and has a litany of health issues. On a Friday I finally managed to make the drive home and spend the weekend there. Seeing my dad laid up in a hospital gown tied to machines is something i'll never forget. He could get up and move and acted like he was ok. But he's one of those guys you meet and you think he's invincible. The kind of guy that put a new roof on our house with a broken finger and can't turn away a stray animal at the door. Some family members I hadn't seen in a long time came and went over the weekend. Thoughts of our own mortality set in and I realize this could be the last time I see any of them.

I've lost people before. Some of them suddenly and unexpectedly. Others who's death was almost a sigh of relief after fighting for so long. I never got to say goodbye when my friend died and I hope he knows how much he meant to me. I don't want to feel that again, ever.

The day of surgery came. He was in the OR for 3 hours but it felt like an eternity and a second at the same time. A few hours after that my mom and I were able to see him. He was extubated already, which was a good sign. But he was on heavy medication, incoherent, coming in and out of sleep. But he knew I was there and that's all that mattered.

I had to leave and make my way back to my parents to get my dog, and then make the 2 hour drive back to Ohio and go back to work in the morning. At this point I knew my dad would be ok, he just had to get through recovery. But now thoughts of my own health were worrying me. I'm not in the best shape, I don't exercise or work out. I've already had surgery to fix stomach problems. Everyone on my dad's side has heart problems, and everyone on my mom's side has cancer and diabetes. There's not much I do to prevent any of that. I'm in my 30's and I feel it, maybe more than I should.

Over the next couple months my mental health continues to fall. I had a birthday and spent it sick, as I always seem to do. It's always a rough time of year for me. Seasonal depression kicks in, I get older, and another year passes. My dog, my best friend, the reason I kept myself alive, is getting old. I see it more and more every day and it breaks my heart.

The holidays came and went. I saw my grandma for the first time in a few years. Always wondering if it will be the last. Despite that, this year I never felt less in the holiday spirit. I used to love this time of year, now I desperately try to enjoy it, but part of me just wants it to be over. The best part seems to be a few days off work.

At this point it should be noted I have not restarted hormones. My identity has always been more in flux than i've let on, and maybe that needs to be it's own post, but I don't know if I want to start again or not. I don't know what I want, I don't know what my goals are. I don't know who i am. Beyond basic hygiene, I really don't even feel like taking care of myself most days. I pretty much always feel melancholic. I'm not angry, I don't get excited, I don't have much joy. My sex drive is non existent and I have no desire to do...well, anything.

New year's comes and I honestly couldn't care. It feels like another day. My gf and I go out and have an Ok time. I'm just so tired all the time it's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself like I used to.

And then, a couple days ago my landlord calls. We have to move out. Not sure when, but probably soon. I'm heartbroken and panicking over it. We absolutely love our house. We've only been here about a year and a half but it's been wonderful. It has plenty of room, privacy, it's quiet. We can leave our doors unlocked and packages aren't stolen off our porch. We're allowed both of our dogs and all 3 of our cats with no issues. We've invested so much time and money here. My gf is close with the owners and their children, who were the previous tenants. We even thought about trying to buy this house off of them when their other kid moves out of the downstairs apartment. And it's affordable. Anything else like what we have now will cost double and we can't afford that.

Our last apartment was tiny, cramped, dark and ran by an awful property investment company. And now we have to deal with that again. If we can even find a place where we can take 5 animals. We can hide 2 of the cats, but not all of them. We're in no position to buy nor do we have the time to go through the process. My gf said we may have to find 2 different apartments and live separately for a while. Just the thought of that brings me to tears. I can't live without her, I can't live without our pets. We're a family. I don't know what to do.

Since I got the phone call I've done nothing but panic, contact rental agencies and weigh my options. None of them are good. Best case scenario is we move in a smaller, worse place, paying more rent.

Nothing is going right for me. I know this isn't insurmountable and nothing that people haven't gone through before. But...god damn I need a break and I can't get one.

[briar--rising]

Yesterday was. Quite difficult.

My dad has been having chest pains for about a week now. He went to the hospital last weekend and they set him up with a heart monitor and told him to come back if the pains got worse or were accompanied by other symptoms. Yesterday my dad, my brother and I went out to lunch at a local outdoor food stand. The heat started getting to him, and while we were waiting in line to order he went to sit down in the shade. He seemed very weak and uncomfortable. My brother and I ordered food and he went to the car to sit in the air conditioning. We went to the car with our buzzer that would go off when the food was ready, but at this point my dad seemed really sick. He seemed to suddenly get worse, and said he needed to go to the hospital. My brother ran to return the buzzer and explain we wouldn't be picking up our food, then we headed off as fast as we could.

His chest pains were worse and he was having trouble breathing. The hospital was only like 2 miles away, thankfully. He said he thought he was okay to drive there but if we needed to pull over we would. It was stressful with him driving while so clearly unwell, it brought up a lot of trauma I have about being a passenger in cars with compromised drivers. But we made it to the ER safely. He managed to walk to the waiting room, but shortly after sitting down became too faint to get back up again, so they took him back in a wheelchair.

We were all terrified that he was having a heart attack, but thank G-d he wasn't. Still, my brother and I sat in the waiting room for about 4 hours as they ran various tests and stuff. We were allowed to go see him but only one at a time, so we traded off. At one point we made a journey to the other building where the cafeteria was because we never ended up eating lunch. The whole thing was that awful kind of stressful waiting where there's nothing you can do but your adrenaline is up anyway.

It just brought up a lot of trauma stuff for me. I have a ton of stuff about waiting in hospitals, and stuff about being responsible for my brother, and double stuff about being responsible for my brother while a parent is in the hospital. It turned out okay in the end, they didn't really know what happened but it wasn't a heart attack and he'll get more answers at his cardiologist appointment on Wednesday (hopefully). Like. It was all fine in the end.

But it was not fine in my brain, and it still isn't. I'm having a lot of flashbacks, both emotional ones and more immediate sensory ones. I'm trying to ground myself in the present but it's difficult. It's almost September, and my mom is sick with an infection after surgery, and now my dad is sick with whatever is going on with him, and my therapist is away this coming week, and we just spent the day in the hospital waiting room, and my brain just feels like it's drowning in blood. At least I'm coherent, I could type all this and have not given in to psychosis. But the blood is around me. The blood is rising and I worry about how long I can keep my head above it.

[honeygrandpa]

tw warning: family death and animal injury

this has probably been the worst week of my life. on sunday my uncle had a heart attack on his way home from a trip so i drive from ga to tn to pick up his wife and then 10.5 hours to ia to get her to the hospital before he passed and we didn’t make it time. then i drive her back to tn and stayed with her because she couldn’t take care of herself and she wouldn’t eat (she’s diabetic so this was a real problem) and she didn’t know how to pay her bills or how to live without him. i got back to ga yesterday and then today, my dogs were outside on the chain and 2 neighbor dogs came into our yard off leash. 1 of my dogs attacked 1 of the neighbor dogs and that dog has to have an emergency procedure in the morning to drain the wound. i know legally it wasn’t my fault but i feel so so awful and i don’t know what to do. i don’t have the money to pay her vet bills. with all of the travel with my uncle, im already have debt on my credit card that i can’t pay off. and i have to drive to ia again next week for the funeral and pay for boarding for my dogs. i paid $1000 to a trainer who says they specialized in aggressive dogs last year and she basically told me to not bring them around other dogs. my dogs are rescues and they used to be ok around other dogs but my brother’s dog bites people and made them really nervous and ever since 1 of my dogs bit his dog to keep him away from me, they’ve both struggled with dog aggression. they like little dogs and calm dogs but get really bad around bigger energetic dogs. everything is awful and i really really don’t know what to do. im also struggling to finish my master’s degree and already am taking an incomplete for my culminating project so i have more time to finish writing. i am struggling to get everything done and apply to jobs so i might end up being too late to get a teaching job before the school year starts and i turned 26 this month so i wont have health insurance and i wont be able to see my therapist even though my panic attacks have been worse than usual this year and ive had really awful ones where i cant stop throwing up a few times this year when i used to have the really bad ones once every few years. im overwhelmed, i cant afford to move out of my moms house even though she doesn’t want me here, and im never going to see my favorite uncle again. i cant even afford to take care of these dogs but ive been trying for like 3 years now because they needed a home after being abused and neglected by their previous owner. they’re also the only thing i have in my life that make me feel happy most days. like lucky is currently in my lap, licking my tears. i don’t even want to consider it but should i give them up? i probably wouldn’t make it without them but i really don’t know what to do. should i try to pay for the neighbor dog’s vet bills with my credit card?? the neighbor told me that she doesn’t hold me responsible and that she’ll keep her dogs on leashes going forward but she said this while sobbing with her hands covered in her dog’s blood. i don’t think this week could get worse honestly. ive never cried so much in one week

[real-total-drama-takes]

yesterday was a very rough day for me. I was very anxious which caused me a lot of stomach pain and headache. Kept walking back and forth hoping and praying that when the episodes drop I won't see what I ended up seeing. I could barely sleep the night before it either. Then I saw the google drive link for the episode on twitter, downloaded it and skipped straight to the end just to see who goes home, hoping that all that constant pain and fighting wasn't for nothing. Turns out they were all for nothing. I made a comment about it on reddit then I just cried my eyes out. All for nothing, yet another lose and proof that I have no luck, that nothing in my life ever wants to work out the way I want. I cried, then my chest hurt so much that my mom had to take me to the hospital. I am fine and can think and talk properly now, however i have no desire for anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. And whenever I think about what happened I just feel bad. I was able to watch episode 2 in full a few hours ago and was completely let down by how they wrote him. It was so awful. I was able to stomach how he went home last season but here? This ain't it. I haven't felt this bad watching a total drama episode in my life and I have 0 desire to continue watching it, and as someone who constantly defended the show this really hurts more than it should. I feel like I got stabbed. Chase haters won, I lost. Congrats to everyone who wanted him to go early, you won, he's not gonna compete ever again. I bet all of them are celebrating right now, good for them.

So this leads me to my goodbye. Everyone i know told me to leave everything about this show behind for my own well beng. And that's what I'm going to do. Thank you to everyone who liked me, and to those who didn't, I am sorry. I had some fun times here and I'm happy I was able to make some people laugh either with my pants jokes, my fanarts or with my love for Chase, which yes, is genuine, I do genuinely have a crush on him even if he's not real, even if he's a piece of shit, he's my piece of shit. i'm gonna keep this account up for a few more hours then I will delete it for good unless the mods will be faster than me and delete this thread before it for being too off topic. No more coming back unless maybe some miracle happens and I find out that either him or another character I really love will compete in another season. But i'm not gonna be that lucky because this whole thing proved that I never will be, no matter how much I beg for it. Why remain here when I'm not interested in any of the future episodes and the show will likely end for good after it, if not forever then definitely for a couple of years. No point in staying here. Goodbye and as Chase once said, have a good life./c

[thatvalentinefellow]

11:27pm.

i've been physically and emotionally exhausted this week, so i haven't been able to update my diary as regularly as i'd like. but i'm accepting that, it's okay, i know i'm doing my best and sometimes i have to accept my limits and focus on me.

i got into a car accident yesterday, and as much as that sucks, i'm grateful that i didn't hurt anyone. the experience has triggered my intrusive thoughts, especially around shame and guilt and embarrassment, and it's made me realize that i need to work on that aspect of my OCD more. this was a big trigger, but i also regularly deal with these thoughts, and i've realized that out of any of my OCD themes i let intrusive thoughts around guilt/shame/embarrassment about past memories control me and my actions the most. the experience has allowed me to address that and commit to working on that more.

i had my dad drive me today for my last classes of the week. (i'll go back to driving next week...and i've been pretty much suspended from listening to music or podcasts while driving.) when i arrived on campus, i skipped BritLit class and staying in the food court to read "Story of Your Life" by Ted Chiang. i really liked the story. i'd watched the movie adaptation, Arrival, months ago with L. i don't fully remember why i was at L's house that night, if i'd needed support or company at the time, but whatever it was, i'm grateful for the memory. i sewed a new patch on my jacket, and she crocheted as we watched. it's one of her favorite movies, i think, because L is a linguist. i sent my pdf of the short story to her after i finished reading it.

i went to SciFi class, talked to a classmate in between, i want to get to know more about her. was so tired when dad picked me up--i'd stayed up a little too late last night watching Dimension 20: Misfits and Magic 2, and afterwards it had taken a while (felt like almost an hour) to fall asleep with my intrusive thoughts. when i got home, i took a nap. got up around 7pm, finally showered and washed my hair. when i came downstairs, i was surprised to see my grandma, who'd come back home from knee surgery. she'd stayed a night at the hospital, and my mom had stayed with her. we were very happy to see each other, and i'm glad she's home.

i did another tarot reading for myself recently, to kind of check in with myself, process some emotions, and set personal goals. i've realized i'm closing a stage in my life right now, and moving onto the next one. i've been trying to figure out what kind of energy that stage would be. i realized that the Page of Swords and the Queen of Pentacles resonate with me right now, and they symbolize what i'm trying to work on in this stage.

[girltomboy]

Having my parents visit me was so nice. Even my step brother dropped by because he drove them here and he said he liked my apartment. It was so amazing to have my mom in my space and be the host for once instead of the guest. It was just a good time overall. My stepdad's surgery was postponed because he had irregular heartbeats after the first dose of anesthesia, so the doctor prescribed him some heart meds for 3 weeks, then he will be back for the actual surgery. He was in the hospital for a few days, and got discharged yesterday, so both my parents were here for a few hours waiting for my step brother to drive back here to take them home. It was so sweet, we had lunch and then took a short nap together, all 3 of us in my bed. It just felt cozy, I loved having them here. I had the week off too, and while my stepdad was in the hospital my mom and I visited him daily, then went on walks and grocery shopping together. They will be back in 3 weeks.

This week I didn't speak to my bf at all, only some texts with updates on my stepdad's condition, and then a phone call last night after my parents left. He was once again expecting me to act and talk to him as if nothing happened. As if we hadn't had a huge fight prior to my parents' arrival. He apparently shortened his waiting period, he said he intends to wait until mid November to see if rent prices drop. It did nothing for me, and then I realized it's not the waiting period that bugs me, it's the principle of it. The waiting to begin with. That's how I spent five years, just waiting. Waiting for this, waiting for that, it's just this year and then it's smooth sailing from there, just another six months and then it's smooth sailing from there, just two more months, just another year, just this, that, etc. Life is passing me by just waiting. I'm tired. Move here or break up with me. Let me give our relationship a chance at being real. But I won't wait anymore, not until November, not until December, not until January, which was how much his dad wanted him to wait. And his expectations were so fucking delusional. I maintain my take that his parents have held him back for most of his life. I haven't and won't verbalize this, not to him at least. But it's how it is. His dad wants him to wait and wait, his mom wants him to stay there, never leave, never move. Pull strings for him and get him a job and an apartment there in his hometown. Maybe he wants that too, then he should let me know, and let me go. So I told him his actions and his decisions do not show that he's even willing to move here. He enjoys staying home and doing nothing, he enjoys stasis, idleness, inertia. I don't, and I don't want to wait anymore. In response he said he'll move as soon as he can. As soon as he finds something. I frankly hardly care anymore. I don't feel like giving him advice, or opening up to him anymore. I don't even want to video call him anymore. He can do what he wants and make the decisions he wants, and if they suck then I bail. I don't have the energy to carry this relationship any longer, I'm tired of being its brain. I'm exhausted. And to be honest we don't even have that many beautiful REAL memories together. Memories that aren't from a video call. It would not be that hard to let go of it all. I don't really know why I still allow him to hold on to me, probably to give him and our relationship a chance to escape the bounds of its long-distance status. And then if he does move, but it still doesn't work out, will I feel guilty for making him move? If he moves just for me that's on him. I didn't move here just for him, I did it entirely for myself. And I told him he could have moved here 3 or 2 or 1 year/s ago. But he didn't. He kept waiting. And forcing me to wait too. How selfish, I'm so tired.

[havegaysex]

Just a long rant

I've had a really long day and my plans changed and that made me angry like all day everything that happened and like I didn't even have to like cancel any appointments I still made it to physical therapy on time I got lunch at the hospital and I ate good for like $10 and I was able to make it to the appointment to get my new knee braces and I only got one knee brace because the other one did not come exactly as ordered and needs to be sent back to get fixed

And then my partner and I were supposed to go to intro to canning tonight at a library in the north side of the library district and I mixed them up and took us to one halfway to Denver and we totally missed the thing and at least we could get printouts of information because I took us to the right library and we got there after it was over but the people were still there after mingling. And then I went to my mom's house after that date tonight to pick up my dog for the second time this babysitting session because yesterday I went down to her house and when she realized I was going to Denver today she offered to watch him for another night so I can get him after my big Denver day and that did ultimately make it easier getting him later but I spent over an hour yesterday driving to my mom's house and back when I could have been resting. And then today when I went to go get him (my dog) my mom's terrible dog (not a bad dog just needs a better home abd more training) hurt me

And on Tuesday before that I had a library event and I was pushing to get there early and I showed up early and the library decided to delay their opening by 2 hours so instead of opening at 9:00 they opened at 11:00 and I froze my toes waiting in my car not running it because I hate running the car it's such a waste of gas and I do so much driving I can't afford to waste gas with sitting parked blasting the heat

And I feel like it's really hard week and it's been too many days in a row of activity and I'm so mad and I'm trying so hard to not take it out on the partner that I live with cuz most of it isn't even their fault . Like I'm mad at them specifically for messing up my morning and now when I finally got home 16 hours after work up and 13 hours after I left after they said they'd help me get things up they fell back asleep and I brought everything up stairs myself further aggravating my pain in the process

[mamatater]

My husband is going through a crisis with his mom and I'm at a fucking loss as to what to do. Sorry for the rant.

So my husband's mom (MIL) is very chronically ill. She has COPD and congestive heart failure from years of smoking, plus advanced kidney failure. She is also overweight, which isn't a problem by itself but makes physical recovery from the other problems difficult. She's currently on an oxygen cannula 100% of the time, and also uses a bipap machine to sleep.

She used to be relatively mobile, but has regressed to only being slightly mobile (she can stand and pivot, and walk a short distance with a walker). Because of this, she requires a lot of assistance; she needs help going to the bathroom, she needs someone (i.e., my husband and I) to shop for her and run arrands because she can't drive or leave the house. My husband has been doing almost everything for her for years and both of us are tired.

So a couple of months ago she got sick (my fault technically; I got a cold and gave it to her) and her breathing got so difficult we had to take her to the hospital. She was in the ICU for about 3 weeks and had an end-of-life scare towards the end before she started bouncing back (her oxygen was about 70% for two days and really heavily altered her mental state to the point where we thought she was getting ready to pass away).

So now she's stable but incredibly weak, and can't even sit up on her own, so she was discharged to a skilled nursing facility (SNF) to give her physical therapy to help get her strength back.

The problem is that she was very iffy about participating in therapy. She didn't refuse every time, but would do it often, and when she did participate, she was extremely difficult. So the head physical therapist (correctly) reported to insurance that she wasn't very cooperative. The insurance then decided that "alive but completely bedbound" was her new baseline (it isnt) and that they were discharging her. They told us this on a Thursday morning, and gave us a discharge date of Sunday.

So obviously this isn't medically advisable to discharge her home. She can't even sit up unassisted. Neither of us are available to give her the round-the-clock care she requires. Plus her gas service has been off for a month and will not be restored for another few days, and it's 20 degrees here right now. So my husband has been strung out of his mind, fighting with insurance and calling everyone who can possibly help him file an appeal. He filed 2 appeals, tried filing his power of attorney with insurance, everything he possibly could. He got about 10 hours of sleep total over the course of that week. Of course it didn't matter though, because insurance purposely made this call at the end of the week so our appeals wouldn't go through in time. So she was discharged yesterday.

We had the thought of just taking her home and arranging home health aids the next day (because of course on Sunday you can't do anything), but we can't get her home safely in my car because it's too small and we can't maneuver her by ourselves. So we called an ambulance and had her taken back to the ER. She's currently admitted but we don't know for how long. Hopefully a caseworker or social worker will call us today to see what we can do.

My problem is what this whole thing is doing to my husband. Both of his parents growing up were abusive, but his mom was the "safe" parent (i.e., she didn't physically abuse him like his dad, but was manipulative and emotionally abusive), so he still clings to her. She has absolutely zero regard for how exhausted he is. She will routinely call my husband from the SNF or hospital in the middle of the night and demand that he come see her because she is uncomfortable in bed and is getting impatient waiting on the nurses. Visiting hours were over at 8:00pm at the SNF and we wouldn't be able to get to her, but she would still call at midnight and beg and cry for him to come move her. Not that she missed him, not that she was lonely and scared, she was just uncomfortable. It's important to note that my husband doesn't drive, so he would either have to walk in the cold over 20 blocks just to move her in bed, or I would have to drive him when I should be getting sleep for work. He would explain this to her and she wouldn't care. She would fight with him for 20 minutes and then say "Oh, okay, I guess you don't love me" and hang up.

I know she's not an evil person, but she is quite literally killing my husband with how she treats him and how exhausting of an environment she is creating. He is at his wits end and crying every night, but he feels that he can't abandon her because she raised him and he doesn't want to be a monster. What's worse is that he is very aware of how she treats him, and has told me several times that when she gets home and settled, he intends to be done with her. I know this won't happen though. I want so badly for him to leave her behind because he is tearing himself apart for someone who doesn't care about anyone except herself. I understand that she wasn't the most abusive of the two parents, but she did a lot of irreparable damage.

He is almost 30 and hasn't been able to find a solid career because she is so demanding of his time. He is in debt because she put utility bills in his name at a young age and couldn't pay the bills. His credit is shot for the same reason. We aren't even legally married because he doesn't want to tie me to his mountain of debt he can't even begin to pay off. She never let him have a life of his own, because his whole life has to be spent taking care of her.

I'm so tired of watching this happen. And I know it's selfish, but I'm also tired of being roped into this. I'm tired of being out into the wee hours of the morning picking him up from the hospital, using all of our free time on weekends doing shopping for her, not seeing him for days at a time because he has to take care of her. I feel horrible. I try to help as much as I can, but I'm also under a lot of my own stress with a new job and still being in school full-time, and sometimes I snap at him, which isn't fair.

I just want this to end. I want him to have his own life. I want to get married for real. I want him to stop beating himself in the ground for this woman who doesn't care. I want us to start our life together. I'm so tired.

[karlyanalora]

Rinse & Repeat

Read on AO3

Day 1 Take 2

It’s not like Jim to set Barbara up on a date. In fact, he’s never done it before. But she won’t complain. Walt seemed to be very nice.

-------------------------------

Day 1 Take 5

“I love you, Mom.”

Jim hugged her for a long time, and she hated to break it off, but “Jim I’m going to be late for work.”

Jim pulled away, and there were tears in his eyes. She frowned, taking a moment to wipe them away. “What’s wrong?”

He grasped her hand for a moment and leaned into the touch. “Nothing, Mom. Be safe, okay?”

“Sure, honey.” All through the drive, she can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. He wasn’t like that yesterday.

-----------------------------------

Day 1 Take 10

Barbara felt sick to her stomach and rushed to the bathroom. Things weren’t much better a few hours later, and she called the hospital to tell them she’d be out sick. She’d say she had food poisoning if she didn't know better.

“Where’s Toby?” she asked Jim when he got home from school. 

Jim shrugged, seemingly unconcerned by her apparent illness. “He had to go home early. He wasn’t feeling well.”

Her son seems cold, calloused even. Seeing him wield a knife so expertly makes her shiver as he carves a ham. He’s carved ham before, but it’s different this time. She can’t put her finger on it, but it’s unnerving.

--------------------------

Day 1 Take…

Barbara jerked awake to the sound of the front door slamming closed. She looked out the window to see Jim tearing out of the garage on his bicycle. He wasn’t wearing a helmet, and it was still dark out. She couldn’t tell you why, but he seemed so desperate in that fleeting glance, that it had her chasing after him in the car. Instinct had her pulling the car off the road at the bridge and peering over into the canal just as the sun rose fully. Jim was kneeling in front of a pile of broken stone, shaking, and she could hear his wails from here. Even over the roar of some sort of monster on the underside of the bridge. She ignored the monster and awkwardly stumbled down the canal wall to Jim’s side.

She knelt next to him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. He sobbed into her shirt, clinging to her tight enough to leave bruises. “I don’t want to do this again, Mom.”

“Do what, Jim?”

There, on the pavement, as the sun beat down on them, Barbara learned about a life she hadn’t lived yet. About love found, lost, found, and lost again. About trolls, wizards, and aliens. About a dead Toby and her brave son’s chance to save them all.

“But it just got worse,” Jim blubbered. “Every time, the harder I tried, the worse it got.”

“So you thought you could fix it all by saving the Trollhunter before you, Kanjigar was it?” Barbara concluded, and Jim nodded.

“But I couldn’t.”

She cursed her future self for allowing him to start this horrible cycle. “Jim, you can’t save everyone.”

“I know, Mom,” he snapped. “And don’t give me that stupid doctor lecture again.”

Well, there went that plan. “Jim, if you go into this trying to save everyone you love, you’ll find yourself doing just about anything.” Jim didn’t go stiff, exactly, but “You’ve made a lot of compromises, haven’t you?”

“I did what I had to.”

She pulled back to look him in the eye with all the sincerity and love inside her. “What you have to do is the right thing. If the world burns, it burns; you did the right thing with the knowledge you had. You have more knowledge now, but that means making harder choices. It means letting people go.”

“I can’t let them die again!”

“We can try to stop it, but promise me, no more forgoing the right thing.” She paused for a moment, staring at the stones. “Your father…when he served, he did that. Foregoing the right thing for the option that saved the most people or those he cared most about. Often those are one and the same, but when they aren’t…well, we both saw the results. I don’t want that for you.”

“I don’t know if I can anymore,” Jim admitted softly. “But I’ll tr-I’ll do my best.”

She pulled him close again, resting her chin on top of his head. How she wished she could take this burden from him, but Jim had learned through hard-won experience it had to be him who wielded the Amulet. “That’s all I can ask for. But…” how to put this gently, “I think I know why you’re failing.”

“Oh? Because I’d sure like to know.”

“You’re trying to have everything.” She felt him try to pull away, but she held him tighter. “Hear me out. Tell me, do you always try to set me up with Mr. Strickler?”

“Well, yeah. You guys are in love!”

“We were in love, in another life. Mr. Strickler and I may have fallen in love before, but right now he is our enemy and he may stay that way.”

Jim yanked out of her arms. “No! I’m not giving up on him. I know he’s good-”

“You know he can be good,” Barbara pressed. “Those are different things.”

“Fine then. What next? You want me to ditch Tobes and Claire too?”

She shook her head softly. “No, don’t push away the friends you have. Besides, I don’t think Toby would let you and you definitely can’t keep this a secret from him. And new friends may come to, like your two troll trainers. But just because they were your friends before doesn’t mean they will be again. People get to choose and they may not make those same choices. Nomura only became your friend after the Darklands, and without that, and that will not happen again, she may never be your ally. You have to let people choose and not assume you know them. If you want to rekindle what you had with Claire, you need to be upfront with her. Her relationship with you, even if it’s just friends, will actively put her in danger. She needs to know the risks.”

Jim dropped against her chest. “I can’t lose Claire. She’s going to think I’m nuts..”

“Being a hero means making sacrifices.”

Sobs shook Jim again. “It’s all gone. It’s really gone.”

“So build something new.” She stood and pulled Jim up with her. “We’ll go home and plan as best we can. You’re not alone in this. We’ll do the right thing this time and leave it at that, okay?”

Jim nodded and shuffled away. “Hey, aren’t you forgetting something?” she tried to say cheerfully. He turned to look at her as she bent to move the stones aside. Just as the blue light peeked through as the last stones fell, they both heard the Amulet speak.

“Barbara Lake.”

The look of horror and defeat on Jim’s face would be forever burned into her mind.

Day 1, Final Take

This story is complete for now, but I have more ideas I'd love to explore in it. So if you want to read more, let me know.

[haechanniesunflowers]

Mafia!Ateez reaction to s/o being abused by her family

Warnings: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK domestic abuse, bruises, scars, toxic family behaviour, manipulation, torture, mentions of blood, smoking, murder, death

I'm so sorry if this made you uncomfortable, my dms are always open if you want to talk about anything

Requested by @racheloveyunho

It only gets darker and longer with the next member

Hongjoong

He came home early so you weren't prepared and were wearing a tanktop with shorts

He saw the bruises on your back and thighs

When he asked you about it later that day, you sobbed and told him that your brothers beat you because you insisted on moving in with Hongjoong

Would pretend that it didn't affect him but on the inside he's furious

He himself doesn't like to physically discipline anyone unless it is necessary or they get on his nerves and bring him to that point

How dare they lay a finger on you

He wouldn't change his behaviour with you, he'd be his usual caring self, all the while planning to knock some sense into your brothers

He laid a trap for your brothers to fall right into and met with them personally

He's a reasonable man so he started with talking to them but when they didn't listen and called him slurs he threatened to murder them

They knew Hongjoong was a part of a mafia and didn't want to anger him any further

They promised him that they would treat you better

Seonghwa

You told him you tripped and fell while you were packing your things to move in with him and that's how you got the bruise on your head and a busted lip

He bought it honestly because he's soft for you and couldn't see you like that so his focus was to get you the medical treatment you needed

You were happy with him and spent almost all of your time with him but he didn't want to hold you back form meeting your friends and family

You were ecstatic to meet your friends but not your family

They hurt you after all

So when he had someone drop you off to your family house, you were nervous but still went inside to meet them

What you got was taunts and verbal abuse

When you tried convincing them that Seonghwa was indeed very kind and loving towards you, they hit you so hard, you lost your balance and your back hit the glass corner of the table which you tried holding onto and ended up scratching your upper arm, drawing blood

You were shocked and hurt and ran out of the house

You hailed a taxi and went to your friend's house and told Seonghwa to pick you up from there

When he came home that night, you were already asleep

In the morning he woke up and found you in the kitchen at the brink of tears and you cheek was a little swollen and purplish

He asked you what happened but you said you liked hanging out with your friends yesterday and these were tears of joy and that your swollen cheek was because you ran into a glass wall

He believed you like always and wrapped his arms around you to pull you into an embrace and accidentally put pressure on the bruise on your back from yesterday

You yelped and arched your back

This time he didn't ask you but lifted your shirt to see for himself, despite your protests and was shocked to say the least

He made you feel comfortable enough to tell him that it was your family's doing

He reassured you that everything will be okay and that you could stay with him forever

That night he paid your family a visit after you went to sleep

They never contacted you again

Yunho

Your family was very religious and never really messed with you because Yunho made it very clear how protective he was towards you

Any bitter comment from your family would earn them a death glare from Yunho

He'd stare them down until they got super uncomfortable

Nobody knew what he was capable of, other than the fact that he was involved with a mafia

Your family wanted you to stay away from him but you loved him and he had promised to protect you and shield you from the mafia life

Yunho's girlfriend had no face, no one in the mafia world had ever seen you

One day you were visiting your family to celebrate your sister's birthday

You felt unwelcomed, you own blood was making you feel uncomfortable

When the guests had left and it was time to open the presents, your brother told you to go home

You were embarrassed but tried to reason with him that you guys were family

He started saying hurtful things and called you a slut and accused you of selling yourself to a dirty mafia rat who kills people for a living. He said you are nothing but his whore and he will replace you one day when he is tired of you and then you will have no one to turn to because they didn't consider you family anymore

You got up and went to the home. The home Yunho had made in the middle of a dense forest to hide you and came to see you almost every day

Yunho had decided to complete his work in advance today so he could spend more time with you in the next days, since you said you would be at your family house today

You unlocked the door and went in crying. You were wailing so hard that you laid on the floor in the lobby

You screamed when you felt someone grab you by your arms and made you sit up

Yunho looked at you in shock and worry, you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck and cried your heart out, not caring if you were being loud and looking like a mess

You didn't need to tell him what had happened because he was aware your family had something to do with this

You woke up in bed the next day, feeling numb but had a severe headache

You looked around the room and saw a shirtless Yunho starting outside the window, you called out to him "Yunho..."

"I don't want to know what they did or said. I'm never ever going to allow you to meet them again. It took everything I had in me to stop from murdering them because I don't want to hurt you, but I can't have anyone else hurting you either"

He turned around and looked furious, you had only once seen him this angry when a spy from another mafia broke into your house and tried to stab you. Yunho had ripped his jaw off of his face with his bare hands in front of you and you fainted from shock from the intensity of the situation

Right now he had the same look on his face and you didn't want to anger him any further

Yeosang

He had never been the one to talk a lot

His calm and collected nature made people underestimate him

Your family used to love Yeosang and were supportive of your relationship with him, they were happy when you moved in with him, but that was before they knew who he was

Only you knew that Yeosang was a cold blooded killer. He was his gang's ace, he was sharp, very intelligent and very manipulative, not to mention he was the second most strongest member and was very good with weapons, his speciality being butterfly knives. He killed people the bad guys and felt no remorse. His gang members often joke that he only feels two emotions, rage when the bad guys cause menace and love towards you.

He got you pregnant and you were now worried but Yeosang had reassured you that no one in this world will ever lay a finger on you as long as he is by your side. He made you feel safe and loved. He didn't trust anyone to help you around the house so he stayed home to help you.

One day your family came over to meet you and ask after you unannounced, you being 7 months pregnant, were home alone

They wanted to see your huge house, you were nervous because you didn't want them to see some rooms but couldn't keep up with them because you got tired from walking

Then the unthinkable happened, they saw everything. They saw Yeosang's training room, his collection of knives and bulletin boards with photos of people, nasty looking people. One board had two sets of photos of the same person, one photo was for Yeosang to know who to attack and the other photo of the same person killed by him. Yeosang never wanted you to see the contents of the room, let alone your family.

They told you to come with them and to leave Yeosang but you tried to tell them that you were more than okay and wanted to stay with him

It all happened too fast, your father grabbed you by your arm, dragged you outside and forced you to sit in the car while your mother pleaded to him to not shove you around like that in this state. They didn't drive home, they were fleeing the city to get as far away from Yeosang as possible

You were screaming, your parents paid no attention to you, they thought you were protesting but actually you were screaming because of the excruciating pain you were experiencing. You were bleeding and your mom had noticed it but they were on a highway and there was no hospital nearby. They couldn't do anything about it so they kept driving out of the city, your father hoping the child would die in your womb because he now hated Yeosang and wouldn't be able to love his child either.

You fainted and after 2 hours of driving, they got to a hospital. No one knew but you were carrying twins, sadly one of them had died in your womb while the other was born healthy. You were now fighting for your life. Your parents were scared for you and afraid of being tracked down by Yeosang.

You and your baby spent a month in the hospital and recovered enough for your parents take you with them

On the other side Yeosang was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He was out looking for you, now scared and confused and in rage. He didn't know who had taken you away and was frustrated and tired but he couldn't let you go. You were the love of his life and the only person in the world who ever loved him.

He got a lead on you and within hours was outside the house where your parents were hiding you.

He broke in the house in the middle of the night and found you crying on the bed with a sleeping child by your side. He instantly became soft at the sight, all the rage he had in him was replaced by love. He softly called to you and you whipped your head up and instantly ran to him.

You begged him not to harm your parents and he couldn't say no. He silently took you and his month old son back home in the dead of the night

San

San was not one person, he had two kinds of personalities, one was a ruthless assassin and the other, a passionate lover. Both personalities had him being manipulative in common

He absolutely hated your family because you were a free spirit and liked taking risks while they were the complete opposites and often tried holding you back but you always loved an adventure and that's how you ended up with Choi San.

You dispised your family the same as they did you. You were so used to the beating that you felt nothing now. Profanities were very common too and you wanted nothing but to slap each and every one of them and run away.

You were head over heals for him the moment he crossed paths with you but you didn't show that to him. He tried manipulating you into getting you to sleep with him but you knew better and brushed him off

He was used to women being on their knees for him so you not doing that was a challenge for him and he was hell bent on getting you to like him

He was going crazy over you and started meeting you at your workplace during his missions, like he had to kill a man in 30 minutes but he just had to see you first

When you weren't giving in to his art of seduction, he tried a different way

He asked you out like a decent human being and you said yes, wow that was easy, right?

No, you made him work hard for your love and affection and he was obsessed with making you happy to feel loved by you and by the time San realized what was going on, it was too late

He was madly in love with you and practically drooling over you

He finally asked you to move in with him and you said yes even though you knew your family would disapprove. You went home and packed your stuff and tried to leave but your family members didn't let you leave and in an effort of saving you from inevitable destruction which was Choi San, they beat you to the point you passed out.

They texted San from your phone, pretending to be you and told him to stay away and leave you alone, that you wanted nothing to do with him.

San was confused and scared when he got that text from you and texted you back to take your time and rethink your decision.

You woke up in your room at some point during the night, unable to open one eye because it had been bruised badly. Your head was bleeding and the blood had dried on your face. You left leg hurt a lot because of you lying in an unnatural position. You didn't have your phone or anything else

You felt empty and all you wanted was to be in San's loving embrace

It was now or never

You escaped from your window and somehow managed to get to San's front door, it was almost morning

You knocked on his door and called for him

He opened the door after some time and took in your form

He was in too much rage but he had to tend to you first

A few weeks later he came home and told you that he made sure your family is now in another city far away from you and won't contact you again

A tear slipped down your face, you were free from their torment

You kissed San and thanked him

He would do anything to make you happy

Mingi

Mingi was the notorious mafia leader who has connections with the government and the dark world

He had money and fame (the good and bad kind) and all that was missing was love and you filled that void

He loved you too much and would never let anyone hurt you

People knew better

So your own family, your own blood hurting you for wanting to live with Mingi didn't sit well with him

He was distracted at work and all he could see was your face, your tear filled eyes, your bruised arm and your distraught state

He wished he had sent someone to get you from your family house sooner so you didn't have to go through the abuse

He wished you never told them about it and just moved in with him

You were in his home, resting in his bed, thinking about what had happened

Did they really didn't see any good in Mingi?

Did they really have to hit you?

Did you do the right thing?

These thoughts flooded your mind and you were just as distracted

Mingi came home in a hurry and told you to come with him

You asked him where you guys are going and he says we're going to get back at them

He took you to your house and barged right in, unannounced

Seeing Mingi in person was overwhelming and your family were scared, pleading to him to let them go

Mingi told them that he was going to kill them for hurting you and there was panic and chaos

You came to stand next to him, squeezed his hand and softly told him that you want to go home

He couldn't say no to you so he warned them that this isn't over and took you home

You talked to Mingi and convinced him to let them go because they were your family after all

He's the one who said that if the loved toy and cared for you, they wouldn't hurt you like this and family doesn't mean you have to tolerate this kind I'd behavior when you're old enough to make decisions for yourself

You kissed him and wondered why couldn't your family see the good in him

Wooyoung

It started off with you slowly telling your folks about what Wooyoung did for a living

You were smart, so you didn't tell them about his business until you moved in with him otherwise they would have disapproved

You didn't mention that he tortured people and killed them without remorse, no, you said that he works with an organization that eliminates evil people which was true in essence

Your family was having none of it

They wanted you as far away from him as possible

You loved him and he loved you but they didn't believe it

They kept you from leaving the house and since Wooyoung was away for some time on a mission he didn't know

It was only when he got home that he found out that you hadn't returned, but he didn't think much of it because you were with your family

You on the other hand were panicking not only because you were being forced to stay away from Wooyoung but also because you just found out that you were pregnant

You had to get back to him no matter what

You refused to eat or talk to your family members, only demanding to meet Wooyoung

When he didn't get any message from you he began to get suspicious

He sent someone disguised as a delivery boy over to your house to check up on you and got word that you were sick and locked in your room

He got up and drove to your house in the middle of the night and broke through the front door. He didn't care who got in his way and pushed and punched whoever protested

He got to your room and demanded that you open it

You did and jumped at him, told him you were pregnant and they were keeping you from going back to him and cried

He took you in his arms and was taking you back with him

Your father threatened to call the police and Wooyoung simply said "say hi to chief inspector Jeon from me" leaving the father shocked

You were happy to be back with your lover and were excited about the baby, the same as Wooyoung

Jongho

Probably the strongest man in the whole mafia world

Everyone feared him

He didn't have to say twice for what he wanted because people had heard how he smashed someone's skull open with his bare fists

He had asked you to move in with him and you happily said yes

But when you told your family about your decision they asked you if you were crazy

You didn't listen to them and started packing

They weren't going to let you go to some barbarian

But you weren't listening so they had to do it the hard way

Deep down you were happy to leave because your family had always been abusive and toxic

When you were asked to leave with your suitcases your father grabbed you by your arm and shoved you against the wall

"you bitch, you really think you can disobey me?"

Your mother held you by your hair and slapped you so hard your nose started bleeding

They beat you severely and you had stopped screaming at this point

You thought you were going to die when they left you like this on the kitchen floor

You don't know what got into you but you got on your feet and ran out the front door where you were stopped by Jongho waiting for you beside his car

He saw you and gently pushed you aside and went straight inside the house

He came out after almost 20 minutes, blood splattered on his face and clothes

You were already in shock from the beating that you didn't question him

He got in the car with you, held your face in his hands and said "don't worry, I called an ambulance for them, they just might be okay"

With that your heart sank but you were too shaken to feel sad for them so you just cried

Jongho took you home

[1-800-mika]

-MIKASWIFE- / 1-800-Mika

Euphoria

000: Welcome to collage

As I was packing the last of my stuff, rummaging thought piles of clothes "do I need my scarf,no-yes...no". I lightly smack my forehead, "Why did I wait last minute to pack, I have a fucking hour left!" I groaned to myself.

"FUCK!" I could hear hange screaming like a maniac on the phone. I know her new apprentice can be handful but why the hell are they yelling at 9:00 am.

Hanji bursted into my room yelling on the phone.

"NO! NO! NO! YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH I ASKED FOR A SATIN SILK BLANKET, A SILK BLANKET MARCELO!!" Hange slamed their phone on the table with anger. Their expression swiftly changing after seeing me sweating bullets in her presence.

"Sorry about that y/n these damn newbies don't do anything right" They complained. I nodded with a petrified smile.

"Well while you were tearing your assistants ass apart on the phone I'm getting ready for collage, and slightly regretting my life decisions"I uttered. Hange said while rubbing the temples of hybrid head.

"Are you sure your ready for collage? Maybe early submission was a mistake" They plead. "Well I mean yeah, It's very rare to skip a year, graduate early, then go to college. I mean you're not wrong it's nerve racking but it's an experience I wanna have"

Hange pulled me into a hug as they sighed "I trust you, you're very mature for your age, And I won't stop you from having a amazing experience" they commented while pulling away.

Hange picked up the last box "I'll take this down stairs" they insisted. They left the room leaving me inside the room..empty.

To be honest i was beyond nervous. Anything could happen on a college campus.

I ran down stairs to the lobby. I greeted our chauffer. "Okay were ready to go" Hange said. I got in the car with Hange and we drove off to the campus. While we were in the car me and hanji had a small talk.

Hange held my hands on my lap and inhaled sharply.

"Okay since you going to college there are some things you need to know, Like the major things. 1. Frats and sororities STAY AWAY FROM THEM THERE LIKE CULTS! One minute your having a nice conversation next sorority bitches are licking whipped cream off your stomach at 3:00 am. 2. Your going to be in college okay, I'm not idiot I know you're gonna drink, Everyone does at some point, so be safe when you drink. AND DON'T DRIVE DRUNK! God forbid something would happen to you. 3. SEX!, SAFE SEX IS IMPORTANT! DON'T GET PREGNANT, I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH!" Hange exclaimed.

I chucked lightly "thank you for the tips truly , but I'll be fine okay. I'll make smart decisions" I said. Hange sighed and leaned back into the car seat. "Is this how parents feel when their child starts college, gets married or just goes off into the world. I remember when you were first born, I remember after my first day of middle school I went to hospital to see mom give birth to you, oh how it feels like it was yesterday" Hange reminisced. (Hange is currently 27)

"I'm so happy and proud of how you Excelled in life, you grew up so fast" I could see a small tear slip from their eye. I hugged them tightly and whispered a few words of reinsurance to calm them down.

We arrived on campus, the campus was massive. As we drove in I saw hundreds of students walking, doing sports and other educational activities. It was like festival of diversity and culture all in one campus, this was my dream school and I'm actually attending. I slightly squealed in excitement.

"I wonder what my dorm is gonna be like?"

"Who's my rommate?"

"Are they nice?"

"Wait, do I have my food schedule?"

Many thoughts were racing my mind. Hange pulled me out of thoughts with "is this what you imagined?" They asked. My eyes lit up "MORE THAN I IMAGINED IM SO EXCITED!" I squealed with joy.

I took my boxes from the trunk. I gave hanji one last hug before I left but she insisted she help put my stuff in. "Hanji I'm going to be fine" I said. Some security guards came to get my boxes and put them in the room.

She showered me with kisses. "Okay okay, you will have 4,000 dollars a month on your card if you need more call me *kisses*I love y/n *kisses*be safe remember safe sex, drinking and partying" She said.

I watched the limo drive out of the campus, I waved goodbye. i took the last box i had a head to my dorm.

I walked inside the women's dormitory building, I watched as other students walked by. I felt a little insecure near some of the women who went here.

They way they were built, even the language they used was so advanced then some of the words I use. The school is know for there academics, sports and the intellectually hierarchy. I felt so little near these students.

"Gotta keep my head clear, Just find your dorm y/n" i glided through the crowd of women on the first floor.

I made it to the second floor we're most bedrooms we're placed.

203

That's the number they assigned, when I was getting out of the car security came and took most my box's to this location.

I open the door to be welcomed by a spacious dorm room with an amazing view of the campus and near by beach. "Wow" I whispered to myself.

"I still can't believe I'm actually here"

"You must be y/n" I slightly jump from the sound of a voice speaking my name. I look to my right to see a blond girl with her hair tied back in a messy bun wearing blue jeans and an acid washed hoodie.

"Sorry if I screamed to loud" the women slowly walked up to me with monotone glare in my direction. She stuck out her hand. "Hello, I'm Annie Leonheardt. You must be y/n my roommate"

I awkwardly shook her hand "y-yes, sorry for screaming like that"

Annie have a small smile "calm down there's no need to be so tense. Do you need help unpacking?"

"OH! Uh no I'll be able to unpack by myself"

Annie shrugged her shoulders "suit yourself, Sorry to cut this introduction short but I have to go somewhere, will talk later" she patted me on the back as she exited the room.

"O-kay, guess I got some unpacking to do"

Its been about a couple ours since I've moved in. I snuck around the entire dormitory just looking around to see what it was like, we had a massive lounge with a snack bar that sold ice cream, soda/soft drinks, chips and other candies. There was a 80 inch HD 4k flatscreen tv with multiple comfortable couches.

(Think of zoey 101, The schools colors are blue and purple so I think of that)

I leap out of bed to answer the door. I was welcomed to two women at my doorframe. There was a petite blonde girl with a tall brunette girl with freckles by her side.

"Hello, welcome to Manhattan College were your neighbors, we live in the dorm next door" the blonde introduced. "Oh ok nice to meet you im y/n" the blonde giggled. "Thats a beautiful name im historia reiss and this my girlfriend ymir fritz, we wanted to bring you a welcome basket full of goodies" historia said handing a beautifully wrapped basket with candies and delicates.

"Oh wow! I-Uh thank you so much"

"No problem, well we have to go now so will see you later" ymir said.

[btw I know there's 2 ymirs, historia's ymir doesn't have a last name so I just gave her fritz]

Before I could even reach my book again I heard a knock on my door.

I opened once again to be welcomed by a tall guy about 6,0 ft tall, If I had to guess. He had long silky chestnut hair tied back in a bun, he had deep teal orbs, lightly pink tinted lips.

He was wearing ripped jeans and a black hoodie. He had a few piercings.

He was sucking on a cherry lollipop, the light made his sliver tounge piercing shine. He had many cartilage piercings too, plus an industrial.

When I opened the door, He looked down at me very confused. Given the fact, he was taller than me (Reader is 5'6).

"Oh hello?" He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "You're definitely not Annie" he mumbled.

"Hi, I'm Annie's new roommate" I stuck my hand out for a handshake, but he politely declined.

"OH! Early bird that got in" he smirked.

"Yup! Wait how-"

"Annie pitched in a synopsis of you when she was texting me earlier"

"Oh"

"Ah! We're are my manners I'm Eren Yeager, college freshman as well so don't be afraid" he playfully punched my arm.

"I'm y/n zoe" I playfully punched back.

"Zoe? Huh, I've heard that name before" he muttered.

"Well anyway, I dropped by to give the 40 dollars I owe Annie, When you see her give it to her"

"Yeah no problem" I replied my voice becoming raspy and shakey.

I felt my feet slightly lift off the ground, my cheeks being squished. Eren cupped my face and pulled it close to his and examined

"W-what -are you doing?!" My voice being muffled by the fat in my face.

"Given the fact your sweating actual bullets, I just wanted to get a closer look. You seem nervous?"

"WHHATTTT NOOOOO! ME!" My voiced cracked.

He scoffed, "Your acting is terrible, now I know you're not majoring in musical theater"

"Sorry, not only am I ahead in front of all my friends,The last time I've been in a class room setting was in sophomore year. I was homeschooled junior and senior year, for family reasons. It's just hard to get back a regular schedule- A new schedule". I confessed.

Eren pat my head  "You'll be fine, you seem mature for your age"

"I know it's just hard to-"

"EREN!" I heard a feminine voice echo through the dormitory halls. Behind Eren I see to blonde girls in a tight revealing outfit with heavy makeup.

I've never been a judgemental type of person but I could tell they were very slutty/partying type girls If you know what I mean. Rude, always looking for male validation and petty as they can get.

I glance at Eren to see him mumbling something with a frustrated expression.

"EREN!" one of the girls shouted.

"Lord have mercy on my soul" Eren muttered while signing the father, son and the Holy Spirit.

"Eren I've been trying to text you all morning" The blonde giggled. She rubbed her chest against his. Her attention was all on Eren, her hands feeling up his shirt

"Sorry I've running around" he said pulling her off of him. "But Eren baby I wanted to hang out!" She pouted.

"Tonight! You know at the party" he gulped. "Okay" she giggled.

"I'll catch you later y/n" I waved goodbye, The two girls yanked him from the doorway back into the hall, other girls following him.

"Very interesting guy" I mumbled to myself.

I picked up my book "to kill a mocking bird" and continued reading where I left off.

______

Around 8 pm I heard a pair of keys jingle in the door, opened I saw Annie came back looking trashed. She walked in and flopped onto her bed. Small groans and curses slipped out her mouth.

I offered her ibuprofen. "What happened today, like I mean where was hitch" I asked. As if I could feel Annie's blood rise she raised her voice in the most Annoyed, frustrated tone known to man.

"IM SICK, IM FUCKING SICK OF HER SLEEPING OVER A BOYS DORM WITH OUT KNOWING THEM ON A FIRST NAME BASIS, IM DONE!" annie yelled. I was taken back by her sudden outburst.

"Oh wow!"

"YEAH AND THE WORST PART IS I HAVE TO CARRY HER HOME, ME!"

"Yikes! sorry about that"

"Its okay, I honestly would to if she didn't almost die every-time. Still hitch is my best friend even though she can be handful" annie sighed tieing up her hair.

"I'm going to bed y/n I'm super tired, good night" she yawned. "Well, I'm tired, I'm getting ready for bed"  She turned her back towards me but I reached my hand out and placed it on her shoulder.

"Oh wait um, A guy came over, I think his name is Eren Yeager. Well he came to give you something"

"Oh the 40 bucks" she said in an unenthusiastic tone.

"Yeah I left it at the table" I pointed.

"Thanks," she said.

She flicked off the lights leaving me in the darkness, I still sat on the edge of the bed.

"Goodnight Annie" I whispered. I grabbed my mini flashlight and read my book until I began to feel dreary.

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢:

Goodnight y/n have a safe and enjoyable time.

-

I smiled at my phone. "God, I love them"

This is going to be an experience

[agirldying]

a little update

I got the Mirena iud yesterday morning and I just wanted to talk about my experience because I feel like it's not often talked about and I think it's important that people know what getting it can look like. If medical procedures and problems squick you out or trigger you then feel free to skip this post (it's long).

Honestly I was really excited to get it done, I really had my game face on and I was like "What's the worst that could happen?"

So the gyno told me to take cytotec vaginally the night before which I didn't realize is literally a labor induction pill but. I took it at like 10pm and went to bed early because the appointment was for 9am and not only does it take an hour to get there but I was instructed to take 600mg of motrin an hour before the procedure.

I woke up at 2am to cramping that was worse than my periods which are usually heavy and painful. I decided to take a motrin but the cramping was so bad I started convulsing and shaking and for a moment I wondered if I should go to the hospital but tried to just go back to sleep knowing I had to wake up early.

Then I woke up at 4 and went to the bathroom just to cramp over the toilet, at this point I felt a little nauseous so I sat in front of the toilet for a while but nothing came up so I decided to just go back to bed. I went back to the bathroom a couple times and it started frustrating me to the point where I remember crying but not being able to shed any tears. I remember lying wide awake in bed staring at the clock reading 4:38am, just in so much pain that I started dissociating. I felt the pain spreading from my uterus to my ovaries, then my thighs, then my stomach.

Then I woke up at 6am, went back to the bathroom, and as I was heading back to bed I realized that I was much more nauseous than before, especially while walking, and at this point I just wanted to get it over with so I grabbed my garbage pail and walked around until I started dry heaving and then I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I sat on the bathroom floor until my nausea subsided and woke my mom up to tell her I had thrown up, so we ended up starting our morning at 6:30 in the morning.

I waited impatiently for 8am to take the motrin. Dumbass me took 6. I legitimately thought 1 pill = 100mg. 1 pill actually = 200mg. So I had accidentally overdosed on motrin but didn't know. Right after I took the pills I had 2 slices of banana and morsels of a chocolate chip muffin I bought from the grocery store. I wanted to eat more but I was literally forcing myself to chew. I felt so weak that I kept dropping my head and arms and when I got in the car (my mom drove) I put the seat back and lied down. But not even 15 minutes into the drive I sat up and hunched over in pain, and just started crying because I was looking around at everyone walking on the street and envying their painlessness.

The next eventful part was when the procedure actually started and I told my gyno about the previous night and morning, and she was surprised and apologetic, and said that its uncommon to react severely like that.

The procedure itself really wasn't that bad, they injected some numbing medication in my uteran opening (i don't know terms leave me alone lol) and then used a clamp thing to hold it open. my uterus rejected the iud the first try but the second try worked and let me tell you. The feeling the first few minutes of that iud inside me was SO painful, not only did I feel it in my entire uterus but my lower back as well, and the pain was so severe that I started shaking again and threw up my breakfast.

Thankfully the nurses were really nice and they pet me and let me rest until my body calmed down and then they gave me an ultrasound to make sure the iud was in place. Then I told the gyno that I had taken 6 motrin and she stared at me and was like,,, that's double what you should've taken. and I was like... uh oh. what might happen? and she said renal failure, i asked what that meant, and she said kidney failure, and i was like oh shit. so she left the room, came back in after a while and asked how much i weigh so she could determine the toxicity level, but then she realized that I had very likely thrown it up with my breakfast and just let me rest for a bit longer to make sure I wasn't dizzy. She also said that I could've been throwing up because of how much motrin I ingested as well.

Soon enough I was cleared to get dressed and leave. When I got dressed I realized that there was a lot of blood on the table so I decided to go to the bathroom and put a pad on. What was interesting was that as soon as my body calmed down I still felt an aching in my uterus but it was just localized to the uterus as opposed to the cramping I was feeling in my ovaries from the cytotec. So somehow the iud overrode the cramping from the pill and honestly I was perfectly fine with that since this was a dull ache in comparison.

The pain very quickly went away entirely and I am no longer in any kind of pain but my body is still incredibly fatigued from the lack of sleep, the pain, throwing up, and also just the shaking. I took a long nap when I got home and now (the next day) I'm actually still really weak but other than that I'm feeling good.

If you read this whole thing than here's your special medal:

[goldentournesol]

All That Matters

*gif originally posted by @heat-waveee​ *

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

The one where Reader doesn’t visit Spencer in prison.

Length: 3.0k

A/N: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 FINALE AND BEGINNING OF SEASON 13! 

Part 2: Here For You

masterlist

Spencer’s absence was felt in every aspect of her life.The bullpen wasn’t the same without him, her apartment, although they lived separately, wasn’t the same without him, even the jet wasn’t the same. She was so used to looking over and seeing his tall frame sprawled over that beige couch that she found herself glancing over out of habit just to find someone else there. It was just as disappointing every time. Her heart ached for him. It ached because she knew that there was nothing more she could do to help him or ease the pain he felt as he was being tortured in prison and it took a huge toll on her mental health. Everyone else had visited him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Hey, Spence.” JJ said tearfully as soon as he took a seat across from her in the visitation room.

“Hey, is everything okay? It’s not my mom, is it?” He hurriedly asked with slight panic.

“No, no, she’s fine. Y/N and I saw her yesterday, she asked about you.” She nodded, smiling in an attempt to reassure him. He mirrored her expression with relief when she told him his mother thought he was at the beach. A short silence ensued.

“How are you doing?” JJ asked, as sympathetically as possible. Spencer fought back tears.

“I’m okay. I’m, uh, really happy to see you.” He admitted, even though he knew it probably wasn’t a good idea she was visiting. However, she reminded him of the promise she made him the last time she saw him. She promised she’d never leave him alone.

“How’s…” he paused with a swallow, “Y/N doing?” The question came out tentatively, his facial expression displaying something between a grimace and a hopeful look. The last time he’d seen Y/N in the courtroom, she was in a silent fit of tears.

“She’s...fine.” JJ lied. Spencer raised his eyebrows questioningly. It didn’t take a profiler to know that that was a straight up lie. “Alright, she’s not doing very well. I just didn’t want to tell you that because I knew you would worry about it and I don’t think you need any more of that.” She gestured around. Spencer heaved a sigh. He expected her response, he just didn’t want to hear it. 

Later that day, JJ found Y/N at her desk, nose deep in a file. Her eyes were frantic as they raced through the words on the page, hoping to find something useful. She had thrown herself into the case files, the Spencer-related and the non-Spencer-related. When she wasn’t occupied with the work, her mind would wander over to Spencer, which would send her into a whirlwind of panic, guilt, and rage. 

Panic because she didn’t want to imagine what he was going through, alone, scared, hopeless--. 

Guilt because she hadn’t visited him yet, she just couldn’t bring herself to see him. Not when she couldn’t wrap her arms around him, not when she couldn’t kiss him, or hold his hand. 

Rage because time was moving so slowly without him and they weren’t any closer to getting him out.

She hadn’t heard JJ come up from behind her and rest a hand on her shoulder. She yelped out in response, having been totally focused on the file.

“Woah, sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” JJ said as she was met with Y/N’s red rimmed eyes.

“It’s alright.” Y/N muttered softly.

“Y/N, when was the last time you took a break? Or got some sleep?” JJ asked, noticing the constant nervous tapping on her thigh.

“A break? I can’t--I can’t take a break, JJ!” She uncharacteristically snapped, standing from her seat. JJ took a step back at her sudden outburst, her friend’s eyes aflame. 

“How am I supposed to take a break when he’s in there, probably terrified out of his mind?! How do you think he would feel if he knew I was sipping on some tea or...or styling my hair instead of helping him get out of there?” She spat, not even caring that she was gaining attention from people around her. She didn’t know that this was the guilt taking over and speaking for her, but JJ knew.

“He asked about you today...again.” She stated coolly, seeing Y/N’s angry expression soften immediately. She averted her gaze quickly, heart wrenching in her chest. She grabbed some files and made a move to leave, probably to shed some self-wallowing tears, but JJ stopped her by grabbing her arm gently.

“We’re going to get him out of there, I promise. But we need you on board with us. I suggest you go home and get some rest. This won’t be solved overnight.” JJ assured her with a determined voice. Y/N pulled her arm out of her friend’s grip and made a beeline for the exit.

It’s not like she didn’t want to see him, of course she wanted to see him. She wanted to see him more than anything, but she wouldn’t stop. She wouldn’t rest until she caught the son of bitch who put him in there. Spencer wanted nothing more than to see her face and hear her voice.

 At first, he genuinely couldn’t blame her for not wanting to visit, but as matters outside the prison began to worsen, the matters inside were on another level. Then, hope began to elude him. He stopped hoping to see her, stopped hoping for a future. Spencer struggled to see his future as anything other than void and bleak as the four walls of his cell consumed him every night. He tried to file away any resentment he felt for her, he even stopped asking JJ about her. Whether or not she chose to share anything about his girlfriend was completely her choice. It had become too painful for him to think about her, let alone talk about her. 

And in the beginning, he was thankful for his eidetic memory because it allowed him to replay their conversations and memories on a loop. But now, the memories mocked him and kept him up at night. She became a part of his past life and he didn’t know whether his new life after prison could accommodate her.

What if they never solved the case? What if he had to spend the entirety of the 25 years in prison? Would she come see him then? At what point would she move on from him? Would she even bother showing up to break up with him? Or would he eventually have to learn from JJ that Y/N found a new lover as she mistakenly mentions her name in conversation?

This is ridiculous. She loves him. He knows that.

Right?

 Curse the intricate inner workings of his brain. It never ceased. He shouldn’t be thinking this way. But pulling himself out of the darkest place he’d ever been was proving to be increasingly difficult. 

Rage filled him as he learned of his mother’s abduction. He didn’t know why he expected Y/N to come take him home when he’d been released instead of JJ. He shouldn’t have done that. He also shouldn’t have felt disappointed when he saw Penelope all by herself right outside the prison doors.

But he did.

No one mentioned her on the way back to the headquarters, but she invaded his mind anyway. He didn’t have the time or the energy to be thinking of her, he needed to find his mother. 

She had been eagerly awaiting his arrival in the bullpen with the rest of the team. She grinned for the first time in months as she saw his tall figure appear through the glass doors. She watched as Rossi grabbed Spencer’s face and kissed his cheeks before pulling him into a bear hug. She watched Emily stroked his hair and kissed his head. Even Matt threw his arms around Spencer. Tears fell as she watched the scene unfold across the room from her desk. 

Spencer’s entire attitude shifted as his eyes finally landed on her. His smile dissipated, his shoulders were pushed back, and his eyes, his kind, soulful eyes were cold as they bore into her wet ones. She felt a shiver race its way down her spine. The air in the room shifted. It was eerily quiet, everyone waiting for the fallout. But Spencer stood still and silent, neither of them making the first move. There was so much left unsaid between them.

“Let’s go find my mother.” Spencer spoke as he averted his gaze from her and made his way to the conference room. 

A silent sob wracked through her body as she fell back into her chair, her fingers gripping at her roots in frustration. Penelope rushed to her quickly and tried to console her, the rest of the team already in the conference room discussing the case.

“Go help the team, I’ll have Emily brief me later.” Y/N said, taking a deep, shaky breath as she pried Penelope off of her frame. Penelope reluctantly nodded and made her way into the conference room. Spencer’s expression was stone cold and indecipherable as he watched Y/N scurry off into the direction of the bathrooms through the window. 

Hours later, they had managed to retrieve Diana after learning that Cat Adams was in fact impersonating Mr. Scratch along with some help from Lindsey Vaughn. They were now doing the best they could to track down the real Mr. Scratch, but the team had been caught in a horrific car accident, which led to Emily’s abduction. Spencer was currently at home with his mother. Y/N, Penelope, and Matt hadn’t gone with the rest of the team. Y/N had been too shaken up to go out into the field.

“Y/N, get Spencer and meet us at the hospital!  Rossi’s refusing treatment until he talks to you two!” Matt yelled as he and Penelope raced to the hospital. Y/N nodded and called Spencer. Her name was the last he wanted to see on his phone, but he picked up anyway. He almost didn’t.

“Spencer! There’s been a terrible accident, Emily’s been taken by Scratch, I’m picking you up now! Rossi’s refusing treatment! I’ll explain everything on the way to the hospital.” She spoke frantically into the phone, speeding off into the direction of his apartment. He hadn’t even had time to reply before she hung up. Minutes later, he got into the car and noticed her panicked state.

“Are you okay to drive?” He asked, immediately noticing her rapid breathing, wide eyes, and white knuckles from gripping the wheel tightly. She met his eyes, shaking her head. Spencer saw the tears and switched places with her, driving to the hospital. He also noticed how she failed to manage her breathing.

“Hey, hey. Try to match my breath.” He breathed in and out slowly. She shook her head in disbelief, hating the fact that this was their first encounter. He was still the caring man she fell in love with, even though she knew he probably hated her guts right then. Her breathing evened itself out and she fiddled with her fingers.

“I’m good, I’m good.” She muttered, mostly to herself, “Spencer, I-” she began but he cut her off harshly.

“Not now, Y/N.” He spat as he rolled into the hospital, searching for JJ and Rossi. Y/N’s heart wrenched as he ran to JJ’s side, treating her with the tenderness she craved. She found Rossi and ran to him quickly.

“Where’s Spencer? Get Spencer.” He uttered, obviously in pain. Y/N brought Spencer over.

“What’s going on?” He asked, walking into the room.

“Shut up and listen.” Rossi demanded, eyes shifting between Y/N and Spencer, landing on Y/N as he spoke, “First, you, go through my pants pockets and find my keys. Second, you’re back on the team.” He referred to Spencer.

“Not sure I should be. Has the director approved that?” He asked.

“I’m making the calls now. I’ll take the heat. You’re back on the team.” He panted.

“I’ve got the keys.” Y/N said, holding them.

“There’s a little one there to a file cabinet in my office. Inside, there’s Chicago Bears season tickets. When you get them, call Matt Simmons. I promised him those tickets.” He seemed adamant.

“Rossi, did they give you something to make you loopy?” Y/N asked.

“I’ll get the doctor, we’ll get him into surgery.” Spencer stated and made a move to leave.

“Just shut up and listen.” He insisted, “Emily is missing. Stephen is dead. As for you two ass clowns, you’ll do me the courtesy of following my orders. And for the love of God, work through whatever it is you two are going through and then I’ll go into surgery.”

She and Spencer nodded as they left the room. “This has nothing to do with season tickets.” She stated and he agreed.

“Ass clowns?” Spencer muttered confusedly and she repressed a giggle. 

They had been so caught up in the urgency of the case that they hadn’t found the time to talk, but Y/N was glad that Spencer was at least conversing with her, even if it was strictly about the case. With Emily now found and Scratch finally dead, they learned to breathe again. Y/N offered to drive Spencer home from Stephen’s funeral, seeing how morose he seemed. He reluctantly agreed and got into the car.

“I know you don’t want to, but we really have to talk.” She said softly, afraid that if she spoke too loud, he’d either snap or break. It was unclear which was more likely to happen.

“Now’s not really the best time, Y/N.” He spoke defeatedly, his hands running over his face and digging into the sockets of his eyes.

“It’ll never be the right time, Spencer.” She pushed, “I missed you.”

He laughed crudely, almost mocking her, “Oh, you missed me?”

“Yes, I missed you. Of course I missed you. I’m sorry I didn’t-”

“Sorry?!” He practically screeched, turning to face her. Her jaw clenched in reaction as she focused on driving. 

“You’re sorry for what exactly? For not coming to visit me? For not bothering to write me any letters? For practically pretending like I didn’t exist? Do you have any idea how often I hoped to see you? Do you have any idea what it feels like to be disappointed to see one of my best friends because I was hoping it was you? I hated myself for it, but it happened. How could you, Y/N?!” He seethed, voice uncharacteristically booming through the small space between them. It was laced with hurt and betrayal. She abruptly pulled the car over on the side of the road and turned to look at him. 

“How could you forget about me like that?” Spencer’s voice was small and shaky, tears threatening to spill.

Her own tears found their way down her cheeks as she stared at his heartbroken face, “Forget about you? I could never forget about you, Spencer.” She sniffled softly.

“You were all I could think about. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I’m pretty sure I developed an ulcer from the stress, by the way. I didn’t visit because…” she swallowed, pausing to blow her nose, “because I was angry. I was so angry, Spencer. Not at you, of course. At the situation. It was unfair to you and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I know no amount of apologies will undo it, but I couldn’t handle it. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to handle seeing you in there and not be able to hold you or kiss you or...or touch you.” She paused again to blow her nose. 

Her words were disguised by the sobs, but Spencer managed to comprehend them. “It would have been too painful for me, I’m sorry. I was too weak and too selfish. You deserved so much better than that, I know.”

Spencer’s heart ached to see her cry, but he was so upset that he didn’t know if he could forgive her just yet. His throat got that familiar feeling of being so tight that he couldn’t speak. He just shook his head and rubbed at his eyes, turning away from her.

“Just take me home.” He whispered and she nodded, pulling herself together. Spencer occupied himself with a loose thread on his clothes, the soft hum of the engine was the only thing filling the silence between them.

She pulled up in front of his apartment complex and he was about to step out of the car when she reached for his arm, stopping him. She drew her hand back immediately, realizing that that was the first time they made physical contact since he got back. She hoped she wasn’t overstepping. He stared at her curiously at both reaching for him and drawing back.

“Spence, I understand if you want to end things. I just...I love you. I never stopped loving you and I never will.” She reminded him and he nodded, the tenderness she’d grown so used to returning to his eyes.

“I love you, too.” He spoke quietly, offering her a tight smile that obviously hid a lot of pain. 

She watched as he got out of the car and disappeared inside the building. He hadn’t confirmed nor denied that he wanted to end things with her and she didn’t know if she should be relieved at that. All she did know though was hearing those four words from Spencer again breathed a new life into her lungs.

He still loves her.

That’s all that matters.

Part 2

[tweedlydumbtweedlydoo]

Rafe Cameron x reader (pt 3)

Summary:  You, a pogue and Rafe Cameron, a kook are friends of benefits, secretly of course. But what happens when you get pregnant?

Part 1 // Part 2 

A/N: Here is part 3!! Please please please read the author’s note at the end! Thank you so much for the continued support of this. You all are AMAZING. I love y’all. xx

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: {OPEN} CLOSED

I am currently taking requests for:

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Elijah Mikaelson

Damon Salvatore

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Supernatural (I’m only up to season 2, so please don’t request something with spoilers)**

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Outer Banks (Netflix):

John B Routledge

JJ Maybank

Rafe Cameron

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

There was screaming and cries all around you. What happened? Oh right, someone shot a gun. There was a pang in your side, huh, that kind of hurts. When you looked down you could see your white shirt turning red, that looks like blood. Is it mine? Looking at the eyes in front of you, you could see a panicked Rafe. He didn’t look high anymore, they looked normal, like the ones you fell in love with. Turning your head, you could see John B rushing to you out of the water. Then you let your eyes fluttered closed.

John B and everyone around watched in horror. He was quick, catching you before you fell against the sand. “Y/n!” Slowly he went to his knees, with you in his arms, your back against his chest.

“What the hell, Rafe?!” John B yelled, looking up at Rafe. 

As soon as that gunshot rang out, Rafe’s high was over and he was back to reality. “I-I didn’t mean too!” His hands go up to his head, gripping at his hair, “Is she alive?” 

JJ pushed Rafe out of the way and dropped to your side, holding his hands against your stomach, “Someone call 911!”

Kie screamed. JJ was yelling about being stupid for bringing the gun in the first place. Pope was yelling about keeping pressure on the wound. John B was yelling at y/n to stay with him. Hands were shaking him, “Rafe! We gotta go man, the police are on their way.” Topper. He was in a haze, watching the scene in front of him. He doesn’t remember doing it, but his feet carried himself through the sand and to his truck.

“Oh god, JJ there’s a lot of blood.” John B cried, rocking back and forth.

“I know dude, I’m trying!” He looked around, “I need more towels!”

John B looked around, “Where the hell is the paramedics?!” His hands were gently rubbing your cheek, “Please, please stay with me.”

Kie and Pope quickly returned with the towels gathered from the beach.

Pope dropped to y/n’s side next to JJ and put more towels, but the blood just kept seeping through. “Kie, run up to the road and flag them down.” Pope instructed. Kie nodded before running off.

John B cradled you in his arms, “I can’t lose her…I can’t.”

That’s when JJ and Pope knew, you were the mystery girl he was in love with.

~

“Please, let me ride with her!” John B begged the paramedic, who shook her head, “I’m sorry son, you can’t. Is there anything else we should know about her?”

John B nods, “S-she’s pregnant. 2 months…” The paramedic nodded before hopping into the back with you.

JJ grabbed John B’s shoulder, “Come on man, I’ll drive you. We’ll follow behind.”

“She’s coding!” Is the last thing he heard as the doors shut and the paramedics drove off.

~

John B’s knee bounced up and down as he sat in the hospital chair. His head was in his hands. It had been 4 hours since they arrived and there was no word. He’d called your mom, but she was out of town with your dad and wouldn’t be home until tomorrow.

“She’s going to be fine, John B.” Kie comforted, “She’s strong.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” John B looked up when he heard JJ yelling. Walking through the waiting room doors was Rafe and Topper.

“Please, I just wanted to make sure she was okay.” Rafe begs, “I don’t want to start anything.”

“You’re the reason she’s fighting for her life, asshole!” Pope yelled.

Kie stands and goes to the boys as people begin looking around, “We’re all going to get kicked out if you idiots don’t shut the hell up!” She whisper yells, “JJ, Pope, go sit back down.” JJ and Pope didn’t move, “I said go.” She gave them a little shove and they finally obliged and sat back down.

“Please, Kie, is she okay?”

“We don’t know. We haven’t heard anything.” She points to chairs on the opposite side of the boys, “Sit down.”

Topper and Rafe follow Kie’s orders and sit down.

“If she dies, it’s on you Cameron.” John B snaps, looking up at Rafe before standing and storming off.

~

After two more long hours, a surgeon walked out into the waiting room, clip board in hand. “Is the family of y/n y/l/n here?”

All the pogues, Topper and Rafe stood from their seats. 

“You all are family?” The surgeon asked.

John B nodded, “We’re her family.”

“Our mother loves to adopt kids.” JJ comments when he sees the surgeon looking at all of them. The surgeon continues to look at them weird before shaking his head, “Alright.”

“How is she? Is she and the baby okay?” John B asks.

The surgeon motions back to the chairs and sits down. They follow and all sit back down, John B at the edge of his seat.

“It was touch and go for a while, but she is one lucky girl. She lost a good bit of blood and she coded in the ambulance. However, we finally managed to get a pulse when she arrived. Then, we took her straight into surgery. The bullet was a through and through, hitting her spleen. We did have to remove the spleen, there was no way around that. However, she’s going to have to be very careful the rest of her life because now she’s going to be prone to infections. But other than that, she should make a full recovery.” The surgeon explains.

“is..what about the baby?” Kie asks, “Was the baby okay?”

The surgeon nods, “fetus is fine.”

“Can we see her?” JJ asks.

The surgeon nods, “Only 2 at a time though. I’ll have a nurse show you to her.” The surgeon stands.

“Thank you, doctor.” Rafe holds his hand out to the surgeon who nods, returning the hand shake and walking off.

The pogues and two kooks share glances, Pope asks, “So, who’s the first two?”

Rafe knows he won’t be one of the first two, so he doesn’t even try it, “John B, you and Kiara go back first.”

~

Rafe waits patiently in the waiting room with Topper and the other pogues. You were going to be okay.. and so was his baby. His mind’s running a million miles a minute. It had been confirmed, you were pregnant with his baby. He’d overheard some girls at the Boneyard talking about it and that’s when he stormed off to you. Was that what you wanted to talk about when you stopped by his house that day? He’d been such an ass to you. The drugs had taken control of him and he just let it, which caused him to lose the best thing that happened to him. He wondered how you’d ever forgive him after this.

~

John B was the first one you saw when you woke up. His hand was holding yours and he was smiling through his tears, “Hi..”

You smiled weakly, “Hey.”

He gently pushed hair off your forehead, “I thought I had lost you.”

“What even happened?” wincing you laid your head back on the pillow, “This shit hurts.” John B looks at Kie who nods, “I’ll go get the nurse,” she stands from her chair and exits the room.

“Well, you got shot.” He chuckled softly, rubbing his thumb along the back of your hand, “You saved my life and managed to get shot while you and Rafe fought over the gun..”

“Oh.”

He nods, “Yeah.”

“The baby?”

“Perfectly fine.” He smiles and places a kiss on your hand, “They had to remove your spleen, but the doctor said you’ll make a full recovery.”

You weakly bring your hand up to his cheek, wiping a tear, “Don’t cry. You’re going to make me cry”

“I’m sorry, I thought I was going to lose you.” He uses his hand to wipe the other cheek, “I couldn’t lose you.”

~

It was JJ and Pope who came in to see you next. They stayed for a little while before you had to kick them out because JJ kept making you laugh, and it hurt. The next person that walked through your door was Rafe, carrying a bouquet of flowers.

“Can I come in?” He asked from the door.

You nodded and sat up a little, “Yeah.”

He comes in and sets the flowers on the bedside table, then stands at the end of your bed. He looks like a mess. His hair was messy; his face red and splotchy. His hands were shaking as he gripped the edge of the bed. He hadn’t had his drug fix since before you were shot and he could feel himself drifting into withdrawals.  

“Y/n I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” He whispers, “All those things I said that night, I didn’t mean them. It was the drugs. I was stupid enough to try them.”

“Why did you do it, Rafe? The drugs? You always told me that you hated them..”

He nods, “I know and I did but I got in a fight with my dad. About you. Someone saw us on the mainland together and he snapped on me. Then I went to a party with Topper and it was just there. And I thought one time wouldn’t hurt. But then I got hooked.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I could have helped you.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t know, I was stupid. After my dad said all those things, I thought it would be best to push you away. I didn’t deserve you and you didn’t deserve to be with a joke like myself. Then yesterday I overheard someone say you were pregnant and I snapped. I was high when I came to talk with you at the Boneyard.”

“Yeah I know. You had the same look in your eyes that night at your house.” You looked down at your hands, “Rafe, you scared me that night. I mean you were a completely different person. You weren’t the man I fell in love with.”

He rounds the bed to come to your side, taking a seat in the chair, “I know.. but I’m going to stop. For you and for the baby.” He takes your hand in his, “Then we can be together and be a family.”

You slowly pull your hand from his and set it back on your lap, “Rafe, I don’t know if we can be a family.” You whisper, “I’m a pogue and you’re a kook. Always will be. Your family will never accept me or this baby.”

“Screw my family. I love you and that’s all that matters. I don’t need my family’s acceptance.” His eyes are filling with tears, which match with yours.

“Rafe, I don’t know if I love you anymore. After everything that has happened, you showed your true colors.”

“But it was the drugs, y/n. I’m going to stop, I’m going to get help for you and for the baby. That wasn’t me.” His bottom lip trembles, “Please, I need you.”

~

It seemed like you had a big decision to make. How would you choose between the two?

John B had been your best friends for years. He’d been there for you when a stupid boy broke your heart. He’d taken care of you anytime you had one too many one night at a party, He opened his home to you whenever you needed a place to stay. He was available any time of the day, ready to talk if you needed it. If you called him crying about a bad date with a guy, he’d “I’ll be right there.” And then he’d show up at your house, your favorite candy in his hand and would hold you for hours or listen to you talk. He talked about you all the time to Pope and JJ, but he never let on who it was. They never knew who he was in love with until that night you were shot that you were his mystery girl. You were his everything and he was your person.

But Rafe Cameron. He had been just another guy you fell into bed with. He was the asshole everyone warned you about. However, that’s not what you saw in him, you saw someone different. He would open doors for you. He held your hand whenever he could and would give you a kiss whenever the moment allowed. It was like he couldn’t get enough of you. He carried you on these dates every Saturday, never missing a beat. He treated you like a princess. He made you laugh, more than anyone ever had. He was a softy around you, not the hard ass everyone else saw. He made you feel beautiful. He didn’t make you feel you were different than him. He called you every night before he went to bed to tell you about his day and he’d listen to your rants to the late hour of the night. You didn’t know this, but even around his kook friends, he defended your honor. He never let them talk bad about you. Rafe Cameron was your first real love.

How could you choose between your first real love or your best friend?

~

It had been 2 weeks since you had been shot. You had decided it would be best to recover at your own home instead of at John B’s. You needed time to think about your decision and being at your home could give you that. Both boys came by your house every day to check on you.

John B showed up one morning a basket in his hands. It was filled with your favorite candy, salty snacks, bubble bath and your favorite scented candles.

“What is all this?” You ask, smiling. You sit up in your bed and pause the show you’d been watching.

He gives a small shrug and walks over, “A little care basket from me and the pogues.” He gently sets it in front of you, “Kie helped me pick out the bubble bath and candles.”

“John B you didn’t have to do all this.”

He takes a seat on the edge of the bed in front of you, “Well, you did kind of take a bullet for me. I’m pretty sure a basket wouldn’t make up for that, but it’s a start.” He chuckles.

“Well, thank you. I really appreciate it.”

He nods, “anything for you.”

A quiet silence fell upon the two of you and he cleared his throat, standing, “Well, I guess I’ll go and let you rest.”

You grab his hand as he stands, “No, stay? Please?”

“You sure?”

You nod and pull the covers back beside you. He then slips off his shoes before climbing in bed next to you. As he gets comfortable you slip under his arm and lay your head on his chest, getting comfortable yourself. This wasn’t anything new for the two of you, however, after the spoken feelings, there was a difference.

~

Your recent cravings ended up being cheez its and pickles and you were currently munching on some, Rafe sitting next to you in the bed. The two of you had just put in a movie.

Rafe scrunched his nose up as he watched you eat the cheez its and pickles, alternating between the two with each bite.

“What?” You ask, popping a cheez it in your mouth.

“I just don’t see how that tastes good.” He chuckles.

“It’s like the best thing every.”

He shakes his head at you, “You’re adorable..”

You blush, “You won’t think I’m adorable when my hormones decide to change gears on you and I’m pissed because you put your shoe in the wrong place in the closet.”

He gives a small shrug, “I’m prepared for it.”

“We’ll see about that, Mr. Cameron.” The two of you went back to watching the movie, but not a few minutes later, Rafe spoke up.

“I talked with my family last night and told them about you and the baby.”

You quickly paused the movie, “Okay… how did that go?”

“Well, they were pissed at me at first, but after they calmed down, my dad and Rose agreed you could move to Tanneyhill, live in the apartment over the garage.” He smiles, taking your hand in his, “We can move into the apartment… and be a family.”

“Rafe, that all sounds amazing..”

“I can sense a but in that.” He frowns.

“But I don’t know about us yet.”

“I’ve come over every day to check on you… I’ve brought you flowers and whatever you were craving.” He looks at you in disbelief, “I’ve sat here for hours and watched movies with you. And I’ve been clean since the night you got shot.”

“I know and you’ve been so amazing,” You take your hands in his, “and I’m so proud of you, but first of all, I’ve never formally met your family and they’re just offering to house me? For how long, until the baby comes and then we’re kicked to the curb? It just sounds too good to be true. Plus, you broke my heart that night, Rafe. You were an asshole and you said some hurtful things.”

“You don’t know about us because of John B, isn’t it? You’re in love with John B?” He quickly got off the bed, “I can’t believe this.”

You winced as you sat up on the edge of the bed, “Rafe I never said I was in love with John B! John B has nothing to do with this.”

“I can give you so much more than him, y/n. I have money, I can provide for us. John B can’t even keep himself afloat! He barely scraps by! And that’s MY baby you’re carrying.”

“Yeah but I don��t want money, Rafe! I want love and support, money or not. If you really knew me, you’d know that! Plus, it doesn’t matter who’s baby it is. It is who’s there for me and the baby that matters. Just because I’m carrying your baby doesn’t mean I have to be with you.”

“I can give you the world, y/n. At the tip of a hat, we can have anything we’re going to need. You and the baby will have anything you need.” He crouches in front of you, “You wouldn’t have to work, you can stay home with the baby. We would never have to worry.”

“Rafe, you aren’t listening to me.. I don’t want money. I don’t care if you have money coming out of your ass, I don’t want it! I want you to show me this is what YOU want. That you won’t leave me high and dry when things get bad or you decide you don’t want to be held back because you have me and a baby to think about. I have a future to think about. A future that will also have an effect on the child I’m carrying.”

He stands and runs his hands through his hair, “Okay. Okay…” He looks at you, “I will show you that I’m ready for this. That I’m ready for the responsibility of taking care of you and our baby.”

Your breath hitches in your throat as you watch him take one knee in front of you, his hands taking a hold of yours, “Marry me.”

*******************************************************************************************

Part 4

A/N: AHHHHH  Our very own Rafe Cameron has dropped to one knee and asked her to marry him. What will she do?? Who will she pick?? 

Please leave a comment or message me who you think she should pick!! I’m seriously stuck on which boy to choose so I may let you guys decide. 

Obx taglist:  @emmalvei-blog , @tregua-oca , @weirdbiwitch , @losers-club6 , @treestarrrrrrrr , @omgwhattheeven , @normatural , @lreincarnationl , @laurenron , @junkiemuppettxx , @beth-winchester21 , @divcrdown , @timotaychalabae , @moose-squirrel-asstiel , @tangledinsparkles , @prejudic3 , @fratboystark​ , @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ , @turtlee-says-rawr​

Won’t let me tag: @lanarichards5