#like yes we know Roy doesn’t think he deserves her

[abovethemists]

The only ship I’m remotely invested in on Ted Lasso is Roy/Keeley so the fact that they’ve had about 30 seconds of screen time together in 6 fucking episodes and we didn’t even get an on screen break up makes me want to throw a chair at the TV like Isaac McAdoo.

[its-time-to-write]

ch. 6 - hustling for the good life

table of contents

I’m not projecting I’m not projecting I’m not projecting

forever is the sweetest con

Natalie’s waiting by the door when you come home.

“How was it?” she asks before you can even take your coat off.

“It was fucking amazing,” you sigh. “Gonna suck when we have to break up.”

Natalie gives you a look, that strange one that she sometimes has when she thinks you’re acting like a robot.

“You know that it doesn’t have to end like that, right?” she asks. “You know you deserve happiness and real love no matter what it looks like, right?”

“Yeah,” you say, refusing to look her in the eye. “Obviously.”

Natalies grabs your face with one hand and forces eye contact. “Say it with me: ‘I deserve love.’”

“I deserve love,” you mumble, looking at Nat’s hairline. 

“Nuh uh.” She wiggles your face with her hand. “Louder and with feeling this time. ‘I deserve love.’”

You say, “I deserve love,” a little louder and Natalie isn’t quite satisfied, but she lets you go.

“You don’t have to turn your life into art,” she says as you head to your room. “Sometimes you can just enjoy it all by yourself.”

—

Jamie on the other hand, is over the fucking moon. They’ve only got a couple more games until the season’s over, then he’s a free man and he can go wherever you are, following you around like a trophy boyfriend and he’s fucking great with that.

Yes, it’s only been one date, but he’s properly in love. 

went great keels he texts late after your date. gonna ask her out again.

Keeley responds with several thumbs up and pink heart emojis. And a black heart. That’s from Roy, she says.

Jamie’s pretty sure it isn’t from Roy, but he’ll accept it all the same.

—

Sam, Colin, and Isaac had accompanied him to the coffee concert, and they had been thoroughly briefed on Jamie’s mission to get you on a date. And properly threatened about keeping it to themselves.

“How’d it go mate?” Colin whispers at training the morning after the date. “What’s she like?”

“Fucking amazing,” Jamie says, taking extra care to stretch his hamstrings.

“What did you talk about?” Isaac asks. “Because she might throw all your deepest secrets in her next album. Got to be careful, bruv.”

Jamie shakes his head. “Nah, she ain’t like that. She’s pretty quiet, actually. Said she hates crowds. I think it gives her anxiety, like.”

“That has to be difficult to deal with in her career,” Sam adds, worried. “I wonder how she will do on her tour?”

Jamie shrugs. “Dunno, mate. Didn’t talk about it. But she’s proper fucking funny. Made me laugh so hard I snorted water out me nose.”

“And she’s still texting you?” Colin asks in mock disbelief. “That’s enough to give me the ick any day.”

They laugh and finish stretching before Roy can yell at them for gabbing like a bunch of schoolgirls.

—

Natalie’s words echo in your head for the entirety of the week. 

You can enjoy it all by yourself.

You make it your lock screen so you remember every time you check your phone to see if Jamie’s texted. 

You don’t have to turn your life into art. Sometimes you can just enjoy it all by yourself.

So you do. 

You attend Richmond’s remaining games, sometimes in the box with Rebecca and Keeley, sometimes in the stands with just enough red and blue face paint to be unrecognizable. 

You do end up in the papers, but not for anything major. Just a who’s who of sorts at the games, and you’re never once recognized by anyone when you’re in the stands. 

You always wait for Jamie in Rebecca’s office, where he swoops in and plants a kiss before traipsing to his car, where you’ll celebrate with the lads or commiserate over dinner. 

Apparently karaoke is somewhat of an AFC Richmond tradition and Sam convinces you to sing at least one song. 

“You don’t even have to try,” he says. “And you can make Jamie sing with you. He’s surprisingly good.”

“Fine,” you agree. “One song. And not one of mine.”

“Done!” Sam shakes your hand with a grin. You can’t help but grin back. 

You go to find Jamie, who’s perusing the song list with Isaac. He looks up with a smile when he sees you. 

“Babe, Isaac’s gonna do Adele,” he says. 

“It’s my speciality,” Isaac says. 

You laugh and say, “Sounds great, babe.”

You open your mouth to ask if Jamie wants to sing a song with you, but the words get stuck in your throat. What if people think you’re just trying to show off? All you want to do is jump around like an idiot with the rest of the team and their partners. 

Jamie, unnervingly, senses something’s up. He gently grabs your arm and steers you to a quieter corner. 

“You alright, love?” he asks softly. “We can leave if you need.”

“No,” you say tentatively, “No, I just- I was kind of wondering- do you want to sing a song together? I was thinking it would be kind of fun, but we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Jamie’s face splits into a grin. “Oh I totally fucking want to. D’you like ABBA?” 

You scoff. “‘Do I like ABBA,’ what kind of question is that? Of course I fucking like ABBA. You got a song you want to do?”

Jamie shrugs. “Dunno. You?”

You pause for a moment, thinking. Then-

“Oh my gosh I have the perfect one!”

Ten minutes later, you’re both on the stage with microphones as the music starts. 

As you begin singing the first lines of Super Trouper, Jamie begins harmonizing and it catches you so off guard that it startled out a laugh. 

He’s just being so silly with it, dancing and swinging you around, singing directly in Roy’s face and shimmying with Beard. You can’t help but smile along with him as he attempts to twirl you while still singing. The rest of the room is clapping and singing along, and you can’t remember the last time you had this much fun.

The song ends and Jamie helps you hop down from the stage, laughing and sweaty. 

“Well that was just a treat,” says Ted, but you only have eyes for Jamie.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that!” you exclaim. “I should take you on tour with me.”

“Had to sing, growing up with me mum,” Jamie says. “Tina Turner, Stevie Nicks, fuckin’… ABBA. All the classics. Didn’t really have a choice but to join her, did I?”

A shadow crosses your face.

“You alright?” Jamie asks for the second time that night. 

You’re just staring at him, trying to take slow, deep breaths as opposed to the shallow ones you currently have.

“Is it the people?” he asks as he pulls you out the door. “Ted? The song?”

You shake your head. “Tour,” you manage. “Oh fuck.”

Just saying it out loud causes your heart to speed up even faster.

You flex your fingers in Jamie’s hands, trying to ground yourself. 

This is the first time you’ve ever panicked in front of him, not counting the night you met. And god, it’s so embarrassing. 

Breathe, you idiot, you remind yourself. It’s not that hard.

“Did you know Isaac’s mum has two left hands?” Jamie asks conversationally, as if you’re not cutting off the circulation in his hand.

You pause. “…What?”

“Isaac’s mum has two left hands,” Jamie says again. “Weird, innit? How the fuck does that even happen? Does that mean her palm’s facing the wrong way?”

“I don’t know,” you reply slowly. “Never- never met anyone with two of the same hand.”

“I could ask Isaac for a picture,” Jamie continues, same strangely normal tone. “Wonder if anyone else in his family’s like that. Maybe Isaac’s got two left feet,” he says worriedly. “Come to think of it, never actually seen him without socks.”

That makes you laugh.

You take a deep breath and say, “Thanks. I um, I hate panicking in front of people. It’s kind of shit. Natalie’s usually good at covering for me in public. Same with my exes.”

Jamie nods. “Gaffer said you can shock people out of ‘em. Say something weird, like. He said it’s like scaring someone with hiccups.”

“That doesn’t actually work,” you say.

Jamie gives you a mischievous look. “We’ll find out next time you have them,” he says.

You’re quiet, and he takes the opportunity to gather you in his arms, resting his head on top of yours.

He asks, “Wanna talk about it?” to which you shake your head.

“Actually…” you hesitate. “I do. I keep thinking about my tour. I’m going to be gone for a bit and you have like, practice still even in the off season. Like, you have stuff to do. And this is my first tour and I don’t even know when I’m going to see you even when I’m in London, so that means that we’re probably going to break up and that freaks me out.”

Jamie nods, chin brushing across your hair. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. If we get to it.”

He says it so matter-of-factly that you almost believe him.

—

You don’t think about it. You won’t. You’re flying home soon and Richmond just finished their season, Dani scoring and equalizer that meant Richmond is going back up to the Premier League. It was fucking… amazing. You’ve gone from barely knowing the mechanics of football to sitting on the very edge of your seat while Jamie hands the ball off to a teammate instead of taking matters into his own hands.

You’re in the stands, practically on the sidelines, and you can see him mouth the words, “You got this, muchacho. It’ll be fun.”

Post-match, you sneak into the dressing room to jump into his arms.

And if there’s a picture in the papers the next of you out celebrating with the team that night, you couldn’t care less. You’d rather stay in bed with Jamie’s strong arms around your middle, whispering promises he doesn’t have a chance in hell to keep.

—

He drives you and Natalie to the airport to catch your redeye back to America.

“Oi,” he says as he pulls your luggage out of the boot, “text me when you land.”

Natalie politely looks away and makes a retching sound as you pull his head down for a kiss.

“I’ll see you soon,” you reply. “I… I mean, I-”

“I love you too,” Jamie says.

table of contents

[kendallroydefender]

Somewhere only we know - Chapter 9 (Kendall Roy x reader)

Masterlist

Series summary: You met Kendall when you were six years old. You have spent every summer together and now years later you and him are still just as close. This story follows Kendall and his best friend through their lives. Will they realize their feelings for each other before it’s too late?

Chapter four summary: The weeks go by without you and Kendall talking - it’s especially hard when you still see him around sometimes.

Authors Notes: Thank you to everyone who’s reading this story! Means the world to me! Quick warning: this chapter mentions the ATN shooting

Wordcount: 2.7K

Kendall is doing some interview on TV - you can’t watch it. You are avoiding everything Kendall related, it hurts too bad. Just reading the tabloids and news brings tears in your eyes. He’s everywhere after the failed bear hug. You don’t know what happened and as far as you know Stewy doesn’t either. The last thing you’ve heard was that he was going to rehab again, you were glad he took this step. But apparently he’s back now, about two days after he went to get help. You would have reached out but you can’t. You don’t want to run after him after he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want this anymore. You have talked to Stewy on the phone, going through a Kendall withdrawal together brought you closer. Except from that you’ve heard from Laura, from college, who had gotten engaged a few months back and was inviting you to go dress shopping with her and her other friends. You weren’t really in the mood for that but you said yes regardless.

Looking out of the car window you feel dread instill in your stomach. Connor and Willa have invited you to their homewarming party. You really didn’t want to go but you like them both but you were a little unsure about seeing Kendall again. It’s been a stressful day at work so you could push your evening activities to the back of your mind. But now in the car with nothing to distract you from it, you can’t help getting more nervous every minute.

You walk into the big suite. A few familiar faces and some people you’ve never seen before. You talk to a few people while staying alert of your surroundings, not wanting to walk into a conversation with your former best friend.

You spot him in the other side of the room as Willa makes a speech. He looks so sad and kind of defeated. You have seen him looking sad often throughout the time but never like this. You let your eyes linger on him for a little.

His dark eyes land on yours but you look away fast, gripping the champagne glass firmer.

Kendall feels his heart hurt. You look absolutely beautiful and he wishes he could just walk up to you and hug you, feel your warmth, smell your scent. He thinks just that would make him feel a little better. But you won’t even meet his eyes and he knows it’s his fault. He deserves this. In another world would you two have attended this event together? Went home together?

”Yeah we are about thirty percent finished with the script and the stage is almost ready too.“ Willa tells you about her upcoming play.

”We have all this sand that’s going to be on the stage.“

”That’s so cool! I need to watch it once it’s done.“ you tell her

”You’ll be invited to the premiere of course.“ she smiles at you.

You stay for an hour, talking to Willa about her upcoming play and Connor tells you about his presidential plans. You see Kendall exiting the apartment, stepping out onto the balcony to smoke. If you were still friends with him you would have followed him out, make sure he was okay, sharing a cigarette with him. It hurts in your chest and you can feel that you’re about to tear up. You hurry into one of the bathrooms. After a few minutes of making sure that you won’t spill your tears in public you exit the room to look for the hosts. You find Connor talking to Kendall. ”Shit.“ you mutter but Willa is nowhere to be found. You approach them ”Hey, uhm Con. I’m sorry but I have to leave.” You tell him

”Oh no, really?“

”Yeah I’m really sorry but I don’t feel well.“ you glance at Kendall quickly. He can read you like a book, so he knows the real reason you’re leaving. It makes his heart break even more. He hates that he’s the reason you’re hurting. Your eyes are a little red and he has to stop himself from reaching his hand out.

”I’ve heard there’s a flu going around. But thank you for coming.“ Connor says with a squeeze of your shoulder

”Thank you for inviting me. This place is really beautiful.“ you tell him and he gives you a warm smile

”Thank you, y/n.“

”Goodbye Con. Tell Willa I look forward to her play!“ you force a smile before you mutter a quick ”Bye.“ towards Kendall.

”What is going on with you two?“ Connor asks his younger brother but he just shrugs ”Nothing, we’re uh, we’re good.“ before he turns to go to a bathroom to do some coke.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It’s a few days after the party at Connor and Willa’s and you try your best to push every thought about Kendall away. You have met Stewy for coffee yesterday wich cheered you up a little.

You’re eating lunch while scrolling through twitter when a tweet shows up telling you that there’s a potential shooting at ATN. You feel your blood running cold. Your put your fork down suddenly feeling nauseous. 'Kendall.' Is your immediate thought followed by 'Is he okay?'. You just hope he’s okay.

The rest of the day you can’t really concentrate on anything, you follow the news on your screen the whole time. You type in messages to him multiple times only to delete them again. Only when it’s confirmed that it was a suicide, you feel like you can breathe again. You feel sorry for the person, you can only imagine how the work inviromenr at waystar feels like. But you are happy that nobody else was hurt and that Kendall is fine.

Unknown to you Kendall is not doing fine at all. He thought about telling Shiv when he felt the tears coming while talking to her.

Kendall walks onto the roof. There are walls of glass now, hindering him from looking down. He leans his head against the cool material. He thinks he has never felt this lonely in his life before. He almost broke down in front of Shiv just minutes ago. He knows he has to do something. He can’t go on like this.

You come home after work. As you walk in your building the man at the front desk calls for you.

”Excuse me Miss, you have a visitor. He didn’t wanted to go up, wanted to wait here for you.“

You thank him before you turn around towards the small sitting area. In one of the chairs is sitting Kendall. You take a deep breath before you walk over to him. You can’t lie you have missed him like crazy but didn’t want to reach out to him first. He needs to apologize first.

”Ken.“ you wanted it to sound sterner than it came out and when he looks up when he hears your voice. His eyes somehow seem even sadder than usual. Even more than at Willa and Connors place.

The staff of your house is discreet but you still don’t want to have this conversation in front of them. It’s private. So you take a deep breath and nod your head towards the elevators.

”Let’s go up.“

Kendall nods, he seems relieved. The elevator ride is awkward, you’re both not talking. He’s nervous, you can tell. Inside you put your coat away as Kendall walks further into your apartment.

You find him in your living room, he seems distressed in a way you have never seen him before.

”Ken are you okay?“ you ask him. Kendall glances at you for a moment "Yeah, uh I’m- I’m fine.“ he looks out of the window before meeting your eyes again. You step closer to him. You can see tears brimming in his eyes. "Hey, hey Kenny.“ you stride over to him and wrap your arms around him. He breaks down in your arms a sob rippling through him. You feel him shake, you have no idea what had happened but you feel worried. You’re so confused as to what happened for him to end your friendship but you can tell how distressed he is right now, so finding out about that gets put on the backburner for now.

”I’m so, so sorry!“ he says through his sobs "Let’s sit down okay,“ you guide him to your couch, sitting down next to him while cradling his head in your hands.

"What happened? You can talk to me.“ you felt him shake his head. "I can’t- I really can’t.“ he says with a broken voice. He had thought about telling you when he came over, he has lost you already so telling you won’t ruin your friendship but know seeing you he can’t do it. "You can. Whatever it is.“ you reassured him. "You will never talk to me again.“ he said burying his head into your stomach. "Ken. You are my best friend. I’m always gonna be here, okay?“ you tell him honestly before bending your head to press a kiss against his head. "I love you, Kendall.“ he held you tighter hearing that. "I- I Love you too. And I’m so so sorry for the last weeks.“

”It’s okay Kendall.“

”No, no I hurt you. I didn’t mean a word I’ve said. I had to- had to do it.“

”You-? What happened?“ he’s silent except from his sobs

”Kenny, please. It’s me.“

He takes a few moments and you can tell he’s thinking about what to say

"At Shiv’s wedding.“ he starts before he has to take a moment inhaling a shaking breath. "Some- something happened. I- I killed him. It’s all my fault.“ a sob ripples through him. Your confusion is replaced by a deep pit in your stomach as you piece together what you knew and what Kendall had just said to you. That must be the reason Kendall went back to Waystar. Did anyone else knew about this? Did Logan know? Was Logan blackmailing him? You felt him hold you tighter before letting you go "I was high, looking for the next score and he, the kid, he said he knew where to get something. I drove the car and then he saw something, he grabbed the wheel and pulled.“ Kendall closes his eyes for a moment shaking his head as if the memories would go away this way, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I- uh i looked for him, I dived but I couldn’t find him.“ he lets out another gut wrenching sob. A tear rolls down your cheek ”I thought it was easier to fight with you instead of lying to you. I didn’t want to get you involved in this.. But I- I can’t do this, I need you.“

”Thank you for trusting me and tell me.“ you tell him still processing what you had just heard.

"I would understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore.“ he said without looking at you. "Ken look at me please.“ he didn’t so you softly cupped his cheek "Please look at me, Kendall.“ his sad brown eyes met yours "You’re the most important person in my life. What happened was tragic but it was an accident." You tell him seriously "You were in active addiction. You haven’t killed someone on purpose. And he grabbed the wheel. It was an accident.“ he let your words sink in. He couldn’t remove his guilty feelings but what you said lifted a tiny bit of the pressure off his heart. It had also helped just to share this with someone he trusted, not having this big dark secret eating him alive.

"But I did-" he started almost choking on his words until you interrupted him "No, Kendall. You need to cut yourself some slack. You searched for him that’s more than many other people would do. And the fact that you feel bad about it shows that you aren’t some psychopathic killer." Your thumbs swipe softly on his cheeks catching the salty streaks.

"It must have been horrible to keep this to yourself all this time. Did you tell anyone else?“ you ask softly "Dad knows.“ he says "He-he helped to cover it up." You nod squeezing his hand "Is that why the Stewy thing fell through?“ this time he nods. This information was definitely helpful for you to understand what has happened.

You sit for a while, so he can calm a little. You gently stroke his back. ”Come on, let’s go to bed.“ you say, it’s not something you’ve thought much about, it’s obvious that he shouldn’t be alone right now. You can see the relieve on his face.

You grab some of Kendall’s clothing from your closet and you get ready in the bathroom while he changes in the bedroom. He sees one of his shirts laying on your bed. Its worn, you slept in it the last days. You slip under the covers and let him scoot over into your arms. His head rests on your chest and your hand softly rubs his back. You can feel tears dripping onto your shirt from time to time. ”It’s okay Kendall. I’m here.“ he sniffs a little. He had missed you so much and part of him had known the whole time that talking to you would make him feel better. When his father had ordered them all to come to the summer house to talk about the future of Waystar it had felt like a personal torture to him, having to see your house, the place that had held so much comfort in his life knowing he couldn’t see you anymore.

You wake up early the next morning. The sun was up and a glance at your phone told you it was only 5:30. You look over to your friend. Kendall was laying next to you, curled against you. He looks so small. You were a bit hungry but you knew you couldn’t get up. He would be so scared if he woke up and you weren’t next to him and you also didn’t wanted to wake him, who knew when he had a full night of sleep the last time. You trace his features with your eyes, the same face you’ve known for such a long time. His confession hadn’t changed your feelings about him, about this friendship. What had happened was bad, undoubtably, but you meant what you said yesterday it was an accident and he was on drugs.

When he wakes up you can practically see the relief that washes over him as he recognizes where he is.

”Good morning.“ you tell him, your head resting on your pillow looking at him. He smiles a little then for what feels like the first time in weeks to him. It’s really just the side of his mouth lifting but it’s better than nothing.

”Good morning.“ he answers, voice rough from sleeping, he has slept better than he had in weeks. You scoot closer to him, hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat steadily. It has a calming effect on both of you and you stay like this for a while longer. His arm is still wrapped around your middle, like it has been the whole night.

”I’m gonna go make some coffee.“ you mumble at some point.

You also decide to make some toast for breakfast.

”I, uh i moved. I wanted to tell you the new adress but-“ he breaks off

”It’s okay. But why and where do you life now?“

”It reminded me of Rava too much.“ you nod understanding the decision

”I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t knew what to do but I, uh I know now that it was a big mistake.“

”Yeah, i was not the most glorious moment of our friendship. Had to fly home with Stewy.“

”I know, uh, I asked Greg about it.“

”Why?“

”I wanted to know that you’re save, that you got home. I felt really bad.“

You’re both quiet for a moment before he speaks again

”And uh, what I said was all just lies. Of course I trust you. More than anyone else. And uh, you’re family too.“

”I know, Kenny.“

”But I said-"

”That you told me yesterday proves that you trust me. I knew then.“ you squeeze his hand

Do you let it go easily? Yes probably. But you can’t hold what he said against him. Not after you heard what happened, he was probably in shock and traumatized and actually thought he was protecting you this way.

”Do you want to do anything today? Stay in? Motorcycle drive?“

Kendall wants to stay in and you can understand his decision. So you both just lounge in your bed the whole night, you order lunch and watch movies while cuddling. It’s nice to have Kendall close again.

Later, when it’s dark out, you go onto your rooftop. Kendall is smoking and you’re looking over the city.

You turn your head to look at him and find him already looking at you

”I don’t deserve you.“ he says seriously

”Don’t say that, Kendall. You deserve good things and friends and people that love you.“ you tell him. He gives you a small smile.

”God, Kendall I’ve missed you so bad.“ you shake your head a little

”Me too.“ he says

”At Connors, I’ve wanted to go follow you so badly.“ he admits

”I almost went to the balcony to check on you.“ you tell him

”We’re really bad at not being friends.“ he chuckles a little and you join him.

”Good thing we’re not doing that anymore.“ you answer him with a smile.

[ncisfranchise-source]

NCIS: Sydney 1×05 “Doggieccino Day Afternoon” is the best episode of the show so far, and the first one that truly feels like a team episode. Everyone’s got a role and case-wise, everyone is necessary. NCIS: Sydney has been building towards that conclusion for the first four episodes. But that’s not just true in the professional sense, it also very much applies to the family this team is building.

It took five episodes, but NCIS: Sydney 1×05 “Doggieccino Day Afternoon” focuses on the one member of the team we hadn’t spent all that much time on — Doctor Roy ‘Rosie’ Penrose. It does so as subtly as this show has handled all episodes, by showcasing his importance in the office, subtly reminding us of the relationships he already has within the team, and shining a light on the new ones he’s building.

But the show also takes the time to provide some very important context on Doctor Penrose, enough that by the end of the hour, we feel like we know him — and by extension, the team better. Now, that’s an effective episode of a procedural.

Family

Family is at the center of every decision made in this episode — from a kid just trying to save his family, to Doc trying to get home so his wife has someone to call, someone to be there for her. But NCIS: Sydney 1×05 “Doggieccino Day Afternoon” is very clear in the messaging about the good doctor, starting from the moment he calls J.D — he might think his wife is all the family he has left, but that is very much not the case.

Family is, has never been, just blood. Family is the people who show up when you need them. The ones who pick you up when you’re feeling down, who make ill-advised decisions (and sometimes defy authority) to try to help you, and yes, the ones that wait in a car for you as you go do something hard. Not because they have to, but because they don’t want you to be alone.

Sometimes you’re lucky enough to be born with them, yes. But sometimes you choose them, or they choose you. And the ones you choose are just as important as the ones that life chooses for you.

You Can Stay In the Fight

Seeing one of your own in danger isn’t easy — especially when we consider how much the team has clicked in such a short time. And everyone deals with things in their way. In the case of Blue, sometimes that means not dealing. In a way, that’s understandable. She doesn’t have the training the other members of the team have. And it’s hard to keep it together when you care. This is why Mackey giving her the Mackey pep-talk is so important.

There were no false promises made. But there was respect. Mackey was treating Blue with the respect she deserves as a member of the team, one Mackey is holding to the same standard she would anyone else. And on this team, no one gives up on each other. It’s that simple.

It all, of course, starts with Mackey and J.D. It has since “Gone Fission.” And though it’s too early to say if those two have the makings of an epic ship, it is not too early to say we want a lot more of them to figure it out.

Things I think I think:

I will take more of Mackey and Evie casually ganging up to tease J.D, please and thank you.

Honestly, I appreciate how the show doesn’t do subterfuge in some things. Someone like J.D would catch on fast.

This might be the best episode of the show so far at teamwork.

They’ve done great with the twosomes, this is a team episode as much as a Doc Penrose episode.

J.D standing in the way of the shot was hot, WHAT CAN I SAY.

I thought this was a safe episode about dogs, not one that would compromise my emotions! How very wrong I was.

Seriously, everyone got me this episode. Everyone.

All this information on J.D! A marriage (and a divorce). Plus a kid?

Give me a Mackey and J.D heart-to-heart every episode, please. But without Todd Lasance smiling like that, because that’s just unfair.

Did I finish the episode crying at Doc and Blue? Maybe I did.

There’s only eight episodes total in the season, what do you mean there’s a hiatus?!

[romulusfuckingroy]

Completely unnecessary analysis of Shiv Roy and Skyler White under the cut

I feel like comparing Shiv Roy to Skyler White (saying she got the Skyler treatment, trying to draw parallels between them, etc) sort of does a huge disservice to Shiv’s character and development?

Because Skyler is a secondary character written in the aughts to be an obstacle for the main (male) characters to have to work around. Everything she does revolves around her relationship to Walt or lack thereof. She’s a victim of abuse who’s unable to escape, for in-universe reasons, but mostly because she’s just written that way. She’s written to be stuck to him so he can hurt her in new and interesting ways for the audience, because this is the 2000’s and that’s what tv dramas are. She “””cheats on””” Walt not because that’s what would make her character happy but because it would make Walt’s character upset. I love Skyler, and I think she deserves to be happy, but the narrative clearly repeatedly uses her just to angstify Walt.

Meanwhile Shiv is literally a main character of the piece. The two most important characters in succession as a whole are Kendall and Shiv (and that’s coming from someone with MY url). She’s a “bitch” because she CHOOSES to be, and the narrative adjusts itself accordingly. Her actions aren’t meant only to harm Kendall; primarily, her actions are to better her own position. Sometimes, yes, she hurts Kendall, but only when it directly benefits her. She cheats on Tom because she wants to, and while we do see how that affects Tom, it isn’t framed as if that’s the sole and intended outcome. She’s self-centered, cruel, and ruthless, all for herself. We watch her do horrible things because she wants power and she knows how to get it. And even more than that, the show empathizes with her. We understand her thought process, her trauma, and the experiences she’s had that led her to these actions.

Overall, I guess it just feels like Shiv could have her own show separate from all the men in her life, but Skyler could never have a story that doesn’t involve Walt. And even though misogynistic “fans” of the shows do tend to treat them similarly (blaming them for everything, believing they’re irredeemable bitches whose actions are all cruel and unwarranted), the writing of the shows themselves certainly don’t. Shiv has power over her own circumstances. Skyler never has.

[jaimeslanisters]

as a team green enthusiast, i think what they have going on compared to the blacks is that they have way more interesting characters. whether you like or hate them, team green's characters are so much more intriguing to me. otto is smart and cunning, alicent is one of the most layered characters in the show, criston is one of the finest knights in the realm, aegon is a somewhat tragic bumbling drunkard (i don't subscribe to what the show decided to do) who finally receives some form of validation once he becomes king, helaena has her prophetic dreams, aemond is aemond, and i can't wait to meet show!daeron. the only interesting characters on the black's team (imo) right now are rhaenyra, daemon, and a bit of rhaenys and corlys. the rest are children (no shade). the velaryon twins deserve better, and honestly, what are the distinguishing traits between jace and luke? they're just "good" and handsome boys lol. all that is to say, i enjoy pawn so much because you highlight the uniquness and nuance of the greens and their interactions with one another, for better or for worst

YES!!! COMPLETELY!!!!!

quick rant about family dynamics in team green vs team black under read more

while i’m truly team “the targaryens were always going to collapse through their own hubris”, im team green simply because the characters are so much more interesting. they’re the roy family if you stuck them into westeros and handed most of them weapons of mass destruction. they love each other. they’re each other’s deaths. sometimes they can’t stand the mere sight of another. they’ll kill to protect one another. they’ll die for one another.

like!!! this is all canon. this is what the show has shown us. aegon gets slapped around by alicent but when they pull him from his hiding spot, he asks for his mother. alicent resents him at times, the first chain that was looped around her neck, but she’ll stand in front of a dragon for him, fight for what’s his for him. aemond wants the throne, he covets it, but he calls it his brother’s throne, threatens luke for the crime of trying to steal it. helaena endlessly whispers about the death of her family, sews a funeral shroud for the child she hasn’t lost yet. criston is their sword, their shield, their iron fist.

how am i supposed to not be insane about them?? all their complexities and resentments and joys?? there’s so much you can dig into, so much you can do with their relationships. i feel like i write a “kinder” version of them, their relationships when they’re relatively safe and when there’s no real pressure that’s risking their lives. in pawn, for now, they’re not faced with the cost of what everything will take, the cost they know they’ll have to pay, so they’re given the chance to be warmer and kinder with one another. we know they have the potential to - aegon immediately rises to aemond’s defense in the dinner after all. aegon and aemond are gossips in a corner in the opening scene and then barely an episode later, they’re knocking each other to the ground. they’re a family with all the hurt and pain and love it brings with.

and the team black gets to be the brady bunch? they love each other, of course they do, but no family is 100% perfect, 100% emotionally competent. rhaena is ignored for her lack of a dragon - wheres her resentment? her insecurity? baela just accepts that and doesn’t feel anger for her twin? the two of them don’t mind their birthrights being taken out from under them? baela is fostered with the velaryons - would that not sway her to being more sympathetic to these cousins she’s now living with? these cousins who think that luke is a bastard usurper?

the velaryon twins and the strong boys don’t clash like at all? rhaenyra and daemon just shoved their families together, barely waiting for their respective spouses to be buried, and that went down smoothly? the kids are fine with each other and their parents who they now think are murderers. somehow.

rhaenys and corlys are suddenly ok with the mysterious death of laenor? post ep 8, all that grief and rage rhaenys has on a low simmer just vanishes and is replaced by adoration of rhaenyra and it’s such a robbery.

jace, imo, is the only one who gets somewhat of a personality at time. he’s quick to violence when confronting aemond at the dinner (even though he’s painfully unequipped to handle it lmao). he obviously distrusts daemon and sees him as grasping at power during his mother’s labor. maybe it’ll get shown in s2 but the fact that with his own siblings, we don’t get to see even a crumb of the layered interactions we get to see between team green.

despite this rant, i do love team black. i know i mainly talk about team green on this blog and my fic (and my mc) are solidly team green as well but i like the bones of what team black is, particularly with the younger cast. i wish they were just allowed to hold grudges and be messy like real people.

[dreams-and-drabbles]

Happy Birthday, Mital !

The lovely boy deserves some appreciation ~! Mital is an OC for Twisted Wonderland , created by the amazing @anaxnee !!! Do check her page, if you have the chance~!

Dearest Mital,

As your house-warden, I could not be prouder of your accomplishments. Your skill in design is superb and you have a knack for creative presentation. I would expect nothing less of a Pomefiore student. While you do have a few habits that could use some work— (( Yes, I am speaking about the honey. )) Today, you have a twenty four hour pass. Do not squander it. Tomorrow, you can expect me to personally find you and ensure you participate in our dorm’s routine. For now, enjoy your Birthday. For once, Pomefiore will be having cake after dinner. While your pass still stands, please do not be late. The celebration is for you, after all.

Sincerely,

Vil Schoenheit

Mital ~ ♪

A little birdie let it slip that today’s your birthday! No faiiiir! I wanted to hear it directly from you!!! Still, we absolutely HAVE to meet up! Birthdays are HUGE !!! I asked Trey to help me bake a cake and everything!!! His baking is the best, so you can’t miss it! Not that I think you would~! You’re pretty great when it comes to stuff like that, but STILL—!!! I am on my way over right now !!! As soon as you get this, be prepared ~!

Yours <33

Cater Diamond

DUDE— How did you manage?!!

Vil is letting us have cake—!! This is insane!!! I can’t believe he’s actually doing this! Oh. Happy Birthday to you, of course. I swear, I like you more than I like sweets. I was just shook— I still am, I mean—! Not that we never get sweets, but like— An entire cake? Vil must seriously like you. He better have barbecue on my birthday. Anyways, enough about me— I actually made you something. You’ll like it, I think? I’ll give it to you during lunch. Oh, but we gotta make sure Rook doesn’t see— Not sure Vil will appreciate the gift, but I know that you will!!!

- Epel

Monsieur Abeille,

I have decided to turn a blind eye to you today. This is partially due to the pardon Roi du Poison has granted you, and partially due to my own interest. It would be wise to enjoy your day to the fullest. There is no greater beauty than happiness, after all.

With Admiration,

Rook Hunt

Such a glorious day!

The day of one’s birth is a momentous occasion, as such, I have graciously written you this letter. Enclosed within is a pass to wander the halls. While it does not necessarily have to be used today, it only has one use, so I would recommend you use it wisely. You will not receive another, until next year. Keep up your studies, and if anyone asks you how you came by such a privilege, tell them of my graciousness. Alas, only well behaved students get such privileges.

Your caring Headmaster,

Dire Crowley

[baldpeoplehater]

ok so its 2 am. i am tired, i am incoherent and i have a lot to say.

first of all, before the final 10ish minutes i was actually pretty ok with the ending! i was so happy to see that most of the stories were wrapped up really nicely and were headed for a good place. but as soon as ted boarded that airplane. oh god.

although i never really shipped tedbecca before season 3, to me it kinda of seemed like they were ending up together? and i wasn’t mad about it. i actually got pretty invested in it after the whole matchbox/soldier thing. and it really sucks that they build all that up for nothing! all the signs with the psychic (“oh but they could have been for the dutch guy” yes! why not just leave them for scenes with him then?), the multiple ted/rebecca fakeouts (the whole bantr thing and the beginning of the finale episode), the AIRPORT SCENE? SERIOUSLY? and the worst part about it is that by building all this up but not having them end up together, rebecca’s ending felt unfinished and rushed (we barely got to know the guy and even though is “meant to be” or whatever they interacted once. come on), and (for me personally) it seemed that the show implied ted going back to michelle, which makes no sense at all. there was no need for tedbecca to be endgame, but both of their characters deserved better.

the whole roy/keeley/jamie debacle. (i think i just get throuple baited by ted lasso) seriously, i’m ALL for keeley ending up alone since she’s been in relationships basically the whole show. but why make her go back to roy when he apologized????? if they made up, as friends, there wouldn’t be A SINGLE storyline that would have to be changed. they still could’ve gone after jamie. the fight between jamie and roy could still be a catalyst for her to realize that she doesn’t want to be with either of them for now. it was completely unnecessary for them to sleep together.

why. on. earth. would you, for three entire seasons, disapprove of a relationship, show us how toxic it is, and then have them marry each other. seriously. of all the couples, beard and jane ended up together? dude. come on.

ok. let’s ignore the whole beard and jane thing being toxic and just assume they’re good now and she’s improved (her shredding his passport so he couldn’t leave was barely a figment of my imagination). although i dislike ted and beard being apart, i do understand that people move on and even the closest of friends sometimes have to grow apart. but why couldn’t they show us ted at beard’s wedding? he clearly was ok with beard staying for jane. there was no bad blood and even with him going back to kansas, i really doubt he would miss his best friend’s wedding.

and finally, i hate that ted went back to kansas. i can’t really logic myself out of this one, like i did with my other complaints because the reason why he went is really simple: for his son. and it’s the right thing to do. must be really hard parenting from another country and i’m absolutely sure that henry missed him a lot. but michelle could’ve gone to london with him, specially after it being implied that dr. jacob was out of the picture. it just makes me really sad that ted had to go back while everyone else moved forward.

ok! now the positive points because im not a complete bitch.

love to see rupert get absolutely shitted on. the wanker scene? poetic cinema.

i’m really happy that rebecca didn’t sell the club and that she realized that, although it wasn’t what she imagined would happen at first, they were her family now. also loved the juxtaposition of her giving 49% of shares to the fans against edwin akufo’s idea of a super league or whatever the fuck

COLIN GOT TO KISS HIS FELLA. THATS ALL I WANTED I LITERALLY CRIED

the ted/nate scenes really moved me. even though nate’s arc was kinda rushed, i was still happy to see him thriving at the end and going back to being the sympathetic character he was at the beginning of the show. him saying i’m sorry, crying on ted’s shoulder, coming back as assistant kitman instead of coach, it all showed that he changed. i’m also really glad that richmond won with his false nine after all.

MY BABY SAM GOT TO BE IN NIGERIAS TEAM IM SO EXCITED FOR HIM I DONT EVEN CARE IF IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE JUST LET HIM PLAY OK

the goodbye song from the boys and their reaction when ted says he liked it. priceless. (bonus points for trent joining in)

trent’s book being successful

willis

anyways. it was a hell of a ride. i don’t think we’re getting a season 4, but if we do i’ll be back on my bullshit. believe guys :)

[damelucyjo]

Are we ready to meet the blueprint for why Ted’s the way he is??

Buckle up guys, it’s a rough one!! And yeah, I’m gonna use this still because I’m salty they gave it to us then never had them interact in this scene! 😡

Episode 11 - Mom City

Of course he knows everyone in the area

Love to see Chery Barnabyl still living life 😂

‘Hey, Teddy’ 🥹 we knew it!!

YYEEEAAAHHH!!

(Was the the shortest opening we’ve had??)

Didn’t have Nate working as a waiter on my bingo card

I absolutely love how sarcastic & dry Jade is 😂

These boys have grown so much! Then now being the ones to ask him back 🥰

More lore for Bumbercatch 🫡😂

His face when he thought it was Ted but Ted doesn’t know 🥺

Omfg Issac’s face at the suggestion of 25 of each 😂 Kola, you gorgeous man!

She’s the reason he eats peanut butter from the jar! How cute

‘The one with the line under the nuclear power symbol, that’s for making cookies and chicken. The three squiggly lines let you burn a pizza. And the key symbol there, that makes the whole thing beep until Beard comes over and fixes it for me.’ Still makes me laugh as this is how I talk about my oven 😂

Oop was that mention of Mother’s Day a little dig at her Teddy?? 🫣

She’s been in London a week and never said anything?! Very suspicious 🤔

Eww mom, don’t mention sex 😂

Gosh he’s so much like his mum, huh. Bet that really pisses him off 😂 & been around one another for 5 minutes and he’s already had enough! I know that feeling 🫣😂

I must say, casting Becky Ann was a brilliant choice. She and Jason kinda look alike to me!!

MBetter Trent’ They should have made Roy do all the press conferences always 😂

Oh poor Jamie. He’s so lost and broken 🥺 there is absolutely no trace of the Jamie we were first introduced to!

Do we think Ted has mentioned Rebecca to him mum before?? That was a very interesting look on her face when she walked in behind him 🤔

HER FIRST INTERACTION WITH REBECCA WAS A JOKE JUST LIKE REBECCA’S FIRST INTERACTION WITH TED WAS A JOKE!!!

And she lifted her fucking hands up 😂😂

Oh and Ted is having a hard time with them meeting just like Rebecca did

But now they’ve met each others mothers 👀 must be serious! 😉

and of course her name is Dorothy!! As if it’s be anything else 🥰

‘I can’t believe I’m finally getting to meet the woman who created one of the nicest humans I’ve ever met’ The perfect thing to say to your future mother-in-law. Just saying!

A simple line to show Ted has always been a people pleaser 👍🏼

Hannah’s laugh 😂

‘Sure, if you want me to respond’ Jason’s face 😂 as if that’s not the exact thing Ted would say! Mothers really can be a blueprint!!

Look at Rebecca, offering to show her around rather than getting someone else to do it. Growth, people!

Nice callback!!

She’s a Dani fan 🫡 aren’t we all!! 😂

‘Where-are-you-from?’ ‘Surrey’ ‘Oh, I thought you said ‘sorry’’ 😂😂 Ted’s groan of suffering 😂

Look at all these boys, absolutely loving story time with Mama Lasso

I still don’t know how I feel about them using Oklahoma 🤷🏻‍♀️ feels weird to me

Look at these two, watching story time and chatting together like an old married couple 🥰

She wouldn’t say that, Ted! She be much more creative 😂

I love how he doesn’t question her going off to buy a horse. Makes perfect sense! 😂

Yes, Trent, I’d love to talk with you, but first I must tell you that your hair is fabulous 😂 Dottie, you’re so real!

Dani’s huge smile 😂

Yeah, I’m with you boys 😂

Jamie, love, you’re worrying everyone 🥺

‘Shouting is Roy’s love language’ boy only has 2 volumes 😂

Bets on how many times Phil & Brett had to do this before they could get through it without laughing

Oh Jamie 🥺 Phil is amazing and he absolutely breaks my heart. He certainly deserves all the awards this season!!

‘Where the fuck are me wings, Roy’ 😂 how they ever got a take of him grabbing his face without them loosing it is amazing

‘You missed a good one’ 😂 obsessed that it’s actually a thing that Will is always there somewhere. And Charlie’s ‘dammit’ reaction 👌🏼 brilliant

Hugs Boson. He’s still in there somewhere!

‘I do believe in second chances, Ted. That’s why I’m still married, and all my sons are alive’ Julie! What did you do?! 🫢

Woah! Don’t hold back, Beard!

Everyone so excited to meet his mum 🥹 it’s beautiful

‘Weirdo Beard-o!’ ‘Lodi Dodi!’ Oh they’re cute!! Would have loved to have gotten a name slip there though

GROUP HUG! 😂

Of course Beard has a song about Ted’s mum 😂

Oh Ted is not doing well 🫣😂

The fucking pipes. I bloody love Katy and Barbara has quickly become one of my favourites 🥰

Roy Kent. Sleeps with a woman then can’t stop telling her she looks nice 🫡 Never change, sir.

Silly pants 🥹 why is that so adorable??

So like mother like son then, huh

I love how Mae has basically had a moment with everyone on this show 😂

Beards description of love is somehow perfect for him 😂

Aww, he’s so excited to show her a picture 🥹 knowing he didn’t have a great relationship with his own mum it’s adorable to see he’s close with Ted’s

Mae, coming with with the words of wisdom and reciting poetry out of nowhere. What a queen!!

‘Your mum’s the bollocks’ the highest level of praise one can be given from a Londoner 😂😂

The age old argument over whose taking the bed

(Though this whole thing over the one bedroom is a choice considering the actual flat they use for Ted’s is a 2 bed place apparently)

See, my spidey senses are a tingling! You come all the way to England to see your son, then chose to stay behind instead of going with him?? 🤔 what’s your angle, Dottie

Her being so defensive that she wasn’t the one having sex makes me think Ted’s shown he had a problem with her relationships in the past…

Manchesterians 😂 I think I’m gonna cal then this from now on 😂

Aww, mama’s worried about ya, Teddy 🥺

‘Let me guess, it’s all my fault’ so he’s not the only one who distrusts therapists then… interesting

She loves tea 👀 just like her future daughter-in-law. Wait, what? I didn’t say anything… 👀

Whilst I’m loving that Rebecca is using the bus now, I’m very sad we don’t get to actually see it 🙁

Oh, Jamie 😢

‘You should see him in drag’ 😂

I must admit I’m over things whole ‘do you know who this is’ bit 🫠

I know it’s a whole plot point, but I love how Keeley just tags along to these trips away

And I’m guessing Rebecca has hired KJPR for the club, even if she is funding it…

‘It’s like a draw without a home’ 🤔

Jamie falling apart until he hears they’re shit talking his hair online 😂

So who chose You’ve Got Mail for movie night then?? Seems like a very strange choice…

So they’re not together? I’m confused. I think Roy is too 😂 ‘yeah, and she just looks very nice’

‘Nora Ephron’ ‘I’m saying my apology’ ‘Who?’ ‘Carl Bernstein’s ex’ I will admit I don’t get this at all 🫣😂

Look at these boys proper into it 😂 Hell yeah indeed, Issac!

Could have done without another Sam & Rebecca moment, personally. It feels like a little too ‘look! Did you notice this is what we did too!’ for me

What are the chances Somewhere Over The Rainbow scores this scene, too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aww, Leslie! 😂

Even Roy is tearing up!!

I feel it’s going to be important to something that he said he prefers Sleepless In Seattle 👀

I just want to say, too, that it was plain rude to release the still of Ted & Rebecca during this scene, but not show them interact at all. Disrespectful, actually.

Okay, I get that it’s to show a younger Jamie, but I could have done without him spitting off the bridge thanks 🤢

Aww, they care about him so much. It’s adorable 🥰

😂 bet these kids had the time of their life’s swearing so much 😂

The episode is literally called ‘Mom City’ and I knew they were going to Manchester and that there was going to be a scene in Jamie’s childhood bedroom. So why was I surprised to meet Jamie’s mum?? 😂

That was cute though

Of course she has a Jamie wall in her living room 😂

Roy, stop staring!! 😂

Simon is a little Ted-ish, don’t you think??

Jade is so real 🫡😂

She just wants him to do what he does best and makes him happy 🥹 Who knew Nate’s relationship would end up being one of the sweetest on the show 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nate, she didn’t mean… You missed the point there, bud 😂

This whole scene is wonderful to watch. Phil certainly does deserve all the awards for this season!! He’s made Jamie so believable throughout this show 🥰 Easily could have gone OTT with it

THE FUCKING POSTERS!! 😂😂😂 I mean, he did tell him he had a poster of him on his wall!

🥹 Sometimes all you need is a talk and a cuddle with your mum 🥹

Also toerag is such a mum thing to call someone 😂

SEXY LITTlE BABY CALL BACK!! 😜

Look at Roy, trying to talk about his feelings 🥹 You’ve come a long way my friend 🫡

They really do need to have that conversation though

Aww, he’s such a mummy’s boy 🥰 it’s cute

Why is he being so weird with him mum 😂 is it payback for the comment he made about his sister last week?? 😂

This bit about Keeley being on the TV whenever they’re away somewhere is actually brilliant 😂

‘I went to the bathroom and ended up outside and now I can’t get back in the building’ 👌🏼 love it

Oh Ted 🥺

Dance it out, Becca! 😂

Wouldn’t Rebecca have known that if she practically grew up with Richmond AFC?? 🤔

Look at our girly, willingly sharing a story about her dad 🥹 we’ve all come so far! 😂

Love a four-octave vocal range mention in honour of Hannah 🫡

And the talent for flipping straights 😜😂

COME ON, RICHMOND!!

Leslie too afraid to movie in case he jinxes it 😂

And I say it every time, but looking excited about football is Hannah’s greatest acting performance 😂

‘Van damn he’s been good today’ was a good joke, but his name change meant they missed out on a mask of Zoreaux one 😂

‘Come on, James’ 🥺

At least they’re finally showing that he really is good in goal, too

I’m all for Nate’s story, but I couldn’t care less about this other guy 🫢

‘I played hurt all the time’ ‘You can’t walk up stairs’ 😂😂 omfg

Another nod to Hannah with the scary Freddy Kruger mention 🫡😂

‘And as we all know, hurt people hurt people’ 👀 say it louder for the ones in the back

You don’t need your dad, Jamie. You’ve had everything you’ve needed in the last few years from the guy kneeling beside you 🥹

Nice to see cocky, prideful Jamie again 🥰

Hannah grabbing Jeremy’s face 😂😂

I just noticed Keeley’s dress! Love her into everything she is

I’m not crying, I just need a moment 🥹 I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to watch this scene without getting teary 🥹

Are those his dad’s mates? 👀🤷🏻‍♀️ if not, who are they??

Omg is he in rehab?! 🥹 ARE MY EYES EVER GOIJG TO STOP LEAKING!!

The sheer power of this show that they mange to get all these big names within the football world is amazing!

Oh, the boys are happy & proud!! But them carrying Will did me in 😂

(Psst, why didn’t we see the ‘grown ups’ celebrating with them? Again, disrespectful!)

SO MUCH FUCKING LOVE IN THE ROOM, BABES! Am I getting teary again… 🥹 maybe

Aww, is karaoke their celebration go to?! I love it

Brendan acting his arse off, too! Another case of ‘no words needed’

These three are just absolutely glorious together 🥰 I wish we’d had more of it

And we’re gifted with Brett’s gorgeous smile! What more could we want!

Another wonderful callback with Ted in the window 👍🏼 looking in on a good thing this time

Look at these cuties being cute 🥰 and of course his apology letter is 60 pages long 😂

I’ve watched this scene a few times now and yes, I have teared up AGAIN every time. Learning how they became friends, a little bit more about Beard’s backstory, being told exactly what time of a person Ted is and always has been 🥺🥺🥺 I MEAN!! Just the tears in Brendan’s eyes alone kills me!!

AND THE FOREHEAD TOUCH INTO A HUG!!! This scene is probably my favourite in this episode

Sweet baby Jesus Teddy said a bad word! 🫢

Apparently I’m not going to stop crying now either 😢 Goodness me you’ve been holding that in a long time, haven’t you, Ted!

Okay Dottie, you can have a fuck you from me too! That’s a low blow using Henry like that

‘Cause I know he’s gonna leave’ OKAY pause. I’m crying too much right now 😫

Knowing now that they’ve had the necessary talk, I’d give anything to see them again! It’s a shame we only got Dottie for 1 episode

Record scratch! Did not see Bex and Ms Kakes turning up at Rebecca’s on my bingo card! But I’m excited to see what shit they can bring on Rupert (if we ever get to see it next week) 👀

This Sam Ryder song is very Queen inspired. I’m a fan!

We love love a note and a disappearance from a mum on this show ✌🏼

📢 He’s not wearing a Richmond jumper at work 📢 👀

Oh the parallels of him meeting her in his office this time

Their easy banter means everything to me 🥰

SHE’S NOT GOT ANYTHING BECAUSE SHE DOES’T KEEP SECRETS FROM HIM ANYMORE 📢📢

‘I got one’ 🫢

HOW DO DO YOU END AN EPISODE LIKE THAT?! Bloody rude!! And theres only 1 obvious thing that his truth bomb is going to be, and I don’t like it one bit!!

But ending the episode with Brandi Carlile singing ‘Home’ means you’re forgiven slightly.

I actually really liked this episode. Meeting Dottie was very interesting, and I think it was great for Ted to finally start a necessary conversation with her.

This is going to be a long fucking week waiting for the next episode. As always, I go into them with no expectations, but I can’t help but feel they’ve got a fair amount to cover in this finale… it better be like 90 minutes long or some shit 🤞🏼

Anyway, I’m gonna go listen to Home by Brandi on repeat and cook a shepherds pie ✌🏼

[nadja-antipaxos]

ten - mirrorball - final chapter

Previously - Nine || Masterlist 

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: holding hands, kissing, swearing, PIV sex, oral sex (female receiving)

Note: Final chapter! Thank you to everyone who read this story and indulged me writing about an Indian woman falling in love with Ted Lasso. Thank you thank you if you left a comment. If you've left one in my mad dash to finish this up, I will be replying as soon as I can. I truly love them. Please enjoy and let me know what you think. Stay safe and be well.

Word Count: 4,663

When they arrive at Ted’s place, he excuses himself to take a shower and the girls get to work. Ted walks back out and sees the girls coloring something on the table. 

“What do we got here?”

“For you!”

Proudly, they present him with a new “Believe” sign and he takes it. Priyala watches, blinking back tears. They kept the same colors, but used glitter paint pens. It’s adorably crooked and clearly done by children. Ted’s throat closes up thick with emotion. He doesn’t know what to say. 

“I wanted to make it purple but Diya said it had to be like yours.” Jaya glares at her sister.

“It should match!” Diya snaps.

Ted’s so overwhelmed. He didn’t know how he became so blessed to have these three in his life. He gets on his knees and hugs the girls at their height. 

“We believe in you, Ted.” Diya says, wrapping her arms around him tight.

“Thank you, Diya, Jaya. This is one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten.” Ted’s voice cracks. 

“It was Jaya’s idea.” Priyala joins the group hug. 

Ted pulls back, smiling.

“Oi! We got dinner!” Diya jumps to her feet.

“Excuse me, Diya Kokoruda, what was that?” Priyala arches an eyebrow.

“Sorry, Mummy. I just know they’re waiting, right? And I’m hungry.” She gives her a forced smile. “Can we please go to dinner, Mummy?”

“Yes but remember your manners.” 

On the short walk over to Crown and Anchor, Ted moves to hold Priyala’s hand and she lets him.  Diya links her arm with her mother’s free one and her sister links with hers. Ted smiles at Priyala and the girls are disappointed when they have to break up to get in the door.  Loud cheers fill the room. There’s an AFC Richmond cake and the place is packed in red, yellow, and blue. Keeley takes Roy’s hand and drags him over. Phoebe is with them and gets to hang out with her friends (Diya is her best friend but she likes Jaya a lot). They rush over to the arcade games after Ted gives them change. Ted nods at Beard at the bar.  Rebecca joins later and some players make an appearance like Isaac and Jamie. Before they dig into the cake, Priyala stands on the bar. A nervous Ted puts out his hands just in case. 

“Congratulations, Richmond! Celebrate and enjoy because you fucking deserve it. Oh, and if anyone takes pictures of me or my amazing boyfriend Ted, I will break your phones. Mazel tov!” She gets down with Ted’s assistance while Mae raises up a hammer she has behind the bar.

Diya and Jaya exchange toothy, proud grins. Ted can see where they get their feisty attitude from. Music starts playing. Kylie Minogue. He tugs Priyala a little bit away from the bar and gives her a very chaste, not gross kiss per the girls’ instructions. She stands up on her tallest tiptoes and laughs when his mustache tickles her skin. It still takes her by surprise. 

“I’m so proud of you.” She whispers. 

“I can’t believe you set all this up. How did you know we’d get promoted?” He tucks her black hair behind her ear.

“I guess you made me a believer.”

“Did I make the realist an optimist?”

“Maybe.”

She slips her arms around the back of his neck. He interlaces his fingers on the small of her back and sways their bodies to the beat of the song. He figures that Diya and Jaya won’t mind if he keeps his hands in the same place as a middle school dance. He removes her hands and kisses them before twirling her. When he woke up this morning, his stomach was in knots and now he’s the happiest he’s been since he moved. 

On the walk back to Priyala’s car, Diya swings between the two of them making them do all the work of lifting her. Henry loves doing this. Jaya stays close and buries her nose in her phone. 

“Can we have a sleepover with Ted?” Diya asks.

“There’s not enough room.” Priyala frowns.

“We can go to our house.” Jaya suggests.

“Maybe another time.” Priyala looks at Ted who nods.

“G’night, ladies. I’ll see you all tomorrow. I gotta call Henry. Pri, lemme know when y’all get home.” Ted stops at their car.

“Tell Henry we say hi. See you tomorrow.” Priyala blows him a kiss and he catches it. 

“Congrats, Ted!” Diya says before getting in the car.

“Same.” Jaya gets the front seat.

The next afternoon, Ted brings chocolate chip cookies—biscuits— for the girls as a thank you for the sign. They scream like they were just given ponies. Priyala has them eat lunch before digging into the treats.  They end up back at the Crown and Anchor when Priyala admits she doesn’t really know how to play pinball. 

The girls love it. The lights. The sounds. Even the cartoon characters on the game.  Priyala hits the buttons all at once and then freezes letting nothing happen.

“I hate this. Okay, this is rigged. I don’t know why I have to play.”

“Lemme help, sweetie.” Ted chuckles and moves behind her. “You just wanna nudge it towards the right flipper. Don’t overthink it too much.”

He covers her hand with his and taps her finger when he wants her to hit. 

“Yep. That’s it. Keep it up there.”

With his breath on her ear and him so close to her, she’s bad at this for a completely different reason. She pushes past it and the ball disappears into the slot at the top.

“See! You did it!” He kisses her hair. 

“I had a lot of help.” She tips her head back to look at him.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks softly. 

She nods, turning her head and he gives her a slow tender kiss. It’s only a few seconds  before the girls rush over wanting to play.

Priyala loves her daughters more than life itself. She would do anything for them. But they are making it impossible for her and Ted to get any time truly alone. And it’s not like they don’t try.

Like when Ted gives her a wonderful foot massage and she wants to know what else he can do with those talented fingers. Before he could even kiss her, Jaya was yelling about her science project. Priyala excuses herself and goes to help. Ted understands, but he can only see her in shorts so much before he feels like he will go insane if he can’t touch her. Slow was good, but now it’s been over a month. He chastises himself because he knows they don’t mean any harm. 

Ted sleeps over on a weekend to make good on Priyala’s promise to the girls. The only difference from the other movie nights is that he doesn’t go home.  He’s in her bed reading a new biography on Phil Jackson and she’s on her phone checking her emails and when he realizes they’re alone behind a locked door. That’s intriguing. He puts the book down on the nightstand next to him. She doesn’t notice. He puts his hand on her thigh and traces random patterns on the black fabric.

“Whatcha doing, Coach?”

“Just admiring my favorite pair of legs.”

She rolls her eyes but then he starts touching her inner thigh. 

“Keep doing what you’re doing, babe. I just want to inspect these shorts.”

She lets out a slow breath and struggles to read an email from her publicist when his hand dips into the waistband. His large hand cups her over her underwear.  She sets her phone down on the nightstand and closes her eyes. His hand runs down her clothed center and she sighs. He teases her letting his fingers leave light touches. 

“Can I keep doing this?” He slides the fabric to the side.

“God, yes.” She bites her lip.

“Mmm. All this for me, honey?” He spreads his fingers collecting her slick.

“Yes.” She would be embarrassed but she knows Ted doesn’t care. He likes it. “For you.”

“Tell me what you like, sweetheart. I wanna make you feel good.” He kisses her neck. 

“More, Ted, please. Your fingers. Your mouth. Just more.” She sighs. 

Ted dives under the comforter and she feels him tug her shorts and underwear down. Her breath hitches. She won’t lie. She’s thought about this many times. With how giving he is, she knew he’d be good at this. She gasps feeling one finger slip in. She didn’t imagine he’d be this good though.

“Ohhh.” She claps her hand over her mouth when he finds her most sensitive spot in seconds. She pulls the comforter down so she can see him. He looks just gorgeous in between her legs. He adds another finger and tilts them up. Her hips jump. His fingers are so long they hit spots she can’t reach on her own. He looks up at her with a mixture of lust and adoration.

“You’re doing so well.” He kisses her thigh and chuckles. “She’s a greedy thing just swallowing my fingers.”

“Shit—oh—yes—Ted—” She pants heavily and rolls her hips. He seems so strait-laced but the words coming out of his mouth are deliciously dirty. 

His thumb brushes over that bundle of nerves while his fingers drive in and out of her.  She whimpers feeling the soles of her feet start to prickle and the base of her spine tingles. Then he removes his fingers and she looks down to see him sliding them in his mouth.

“I had to taste ya.” He smirks and licks his lips. “And now I need some more.”

He gently lifts both her legs over his shoulders. His mouth drags up and down the inside of her knee and down her calf. His mustache tickles her skin as he moves up her thigh. He leaves a kiss on both her inner thighs before burying his face in her. She gasps feeling those soft lips. He’s delicate at first just kissing her softly like he would her mouth. He inhales and blows on her skin making her mouth fall open in a silent cry. She bites her lip and thinks Michelle must be the dumbest person in the world to let this go. She’s glad for it though or this wouldn’t be happening. His tongue and lips devour her like a fine meal. She grunts and takes hold of his soft hair.  He moans bucking his hips into the mattress and she almost loses it. 

“You taste better than apple pie on the 4th of July.” He groans into her skin. She gasps again at the vibration of his lips and pulls him closer. She needs more. The coil in her stomach is getting tighter and tighter and her heart pounds against her ribs. She can’t breathe.

“Oh, oh, I’m close, Ted.” She rolls her hips and his nose brushes that spot. “Ohh, god.” 

  “That’s it. You can ride my face if you wanna, darlin’.”  He kisses her inner thigh again.

She looks down, cautious. 

“Do it, baby. I need you to do it. Please.” His voice sounds raspy and strained. He’s begging.

Her and clutches his hair pushing him even closer and her hips follow the wave of his tongue. He slurps and sucks with such fervor she doesn’t know how he can breathe. “Ohh, yes, yes. You’re so good, Ted. You make me feel so good.”

Ted moans open-mouthed into her at the praise and the coil snaps. Her back arches off the mattress and wave after wave of pleasure comes rolling over her. She loosens her grip on his hair and he watches her.

“You’re so beautiful.” He sighs. His fingers slip back inside her guiding her through the aftershocks. She whimpers. He’s gentle not trying to overstimulate her too much. That’s why the second peak is such a surprise. She grits her teeth and hisses his name feeling her body pulse with white-hot heat. She reaches out and he grabs her hand. “I got you, baby. I got you.” 

Her body finally goes still and Ted removes his fingers cleaning them off with his tongue. He hums with pleasure. He leans over and kisses her sweaty hairline.

“You doing all right?”

Priyala lets out a delirious laugh. Ted rubs her arm with soothing circles while his other hand stays with hers. Her eyes come back into focus and she can feel her legs again. 

“Ted…I don’t even know what to say.”

“Just tryin’ to give as good as I got.”

“If you really wanna give me something, fuck me, right now.” She surges forward and kisses him. She knows the door is locked. All her senses are back and on high alert at the idea of finally having sex with him. Not with her hand in the shower dreaming it was him. Actually him.

“Yes, ma’am.” Ted rocks into her fully clothed. 

“Mummy!” She hears a yell. “Mummy!”

Priyala lets out a heavy sigh. Ted moves off of her immediately. She gets off the bed and wraps a silk robe around her. She walks to Diya’s room. She’s bolt straight in her bed.

“The monster, Mummy. The monster almost got me.” 

“Oh, sweetie.” She sits on her bed and Diya throws her arms around her. “I’m here now.”

“He said he was gonna eat me and then eat you and Jaya and Ted.”

“That’s not gonna happen. He’s not real.” 

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

She strokes Diya’s hair and rocks her back and forth. It takes nearly an hour, but Diya falls back asleep. 

Priyala goes back into her bedroom and sees Ted out cold on the bed. She can’t blame him. He worked very hard. She gets back in bed, lets out a huff, and goes to sleep.

She goes to lunch with Anuradha the next week.

“What is the sex like?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

“What?”

“We haven’t done it yet. My beautiful angels are the worst cockblockers.”

“Have you done anything?”

“He went down on me the other night and it was amazing.” 

“Put that talkative tongue to good use—then what happened?” 

“Nothing. Diya had a nightmare and by the time she calmed her down Ted was asleep. When I don’t have the girls he’s busy. You know Nate quit and they’re figuring all that out. Or  I have to work. It’s frustrating.”

“Okay, no. You are a beautiful sexy woman who works too hard not to be in a celibate relationship with your cute boyfriend who adores you. I’m calling Mum. She’s taking the girls this weekend.”

“Are you serious? Oh my god. Thank you.” Priyala heaves a sigh.

“I can’t get any naughty details about Ted if you don’t. Gwen and I have some theories we need confirmed.” She winks.

After one phone call, their mother picks up the girls on Friday afternoon. Since it’s still light out with the approaching summer, Ted suggests a picnic. Part of Priyala wants to tell him to forget the picnic and take her on the couch, but she knows he probably wants to wine and dine her a bit first like the gentleman he is. Once they get out to the field, nature has other plans. A surprise rainstorm gushes down on them. They get so soaked so quickly Priyala just laughs. She helps Ted gather the items back into the basket and they get back in the car. 

“I’m sorry we didn’t get your picnic, babe.” Priyala shivers when they enter her house. “Should we order takeaway? I don’t think the cheese survived.”

Ted stands next to her, eyes roaming down her drenched yellow floral dress outlining every curve. She turns when she realizes he hasn’t answered. 

The basket drops to the floor and Ted scoops Priyala up, and carries her to the bedroom. He kicks the door shut and sets her down on the bed. 

“Whoa.” She lets out a breath and stares up at him. 

“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” Ted kisses her.

“Uh-huh.” Priyala lifts her dress over her head and tosses it aside. She trembles more from the cold air on her wet skin…and something else. She unhooks her bra and throws it away with the rest of her underwear. Ted stares at her beautiful body and feels overdressed. He unbuttons his shirt and tugs it over his head. She crawls to the end of the bed and helps him with his belt buckle. He strips down as she slips under the sheets. 

“Ooh, cold.” He whistles.

“It’s warm under here.” She lifts an eyebrow.

He smiles and joins her with another kiss.

“You’re so pretty, baby.” He cups her face.

“You don’t have to do that. Trust me, I’m gonna fuck you.” She chuckles.

“I’m still gonna say it.” His thumb brushes her cheek. “Cause it’s true.”

Her hand grabs his hair as she slips her tongue into his mouth. He gasps and squeezes her waist. She breaks the kiss to lick her palm and take hold of him.

“Hold on, darlin’.”

“Ted—“

“Please. You saw. It’s not gonna be good unless it’s good for you first. Lemme use my mouth, please.”

Moments later, she’s rocking into his face as he grips her thighs. She feels exposed not able to hide anything. She holds his hand and he gives her a reassuring squeeze with his free hand.  Every once in a while, his mustache drags along her most sensitive spot and she swears she sees stars as the electricity pulses up her spine. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest. His magic fingers and mouth coax wild sounds from her. Now that they’re all alone she’s loud and he loves it. She can’t help it. 

“Ted, that feels so good.” She tilts her head back. “Yes. Yes. Oh. Right. Oh yes. I’m right there.”

He’s relentless using her hips to grind into his face. It’s never happened this fast but that pull in her stomach is like a runaway train.

“Ted!” She yells reveling in the pleasure taking over her body and she goes limp. His strong arms pull her off and he gets on top of her using his fingers to help her ride it out. She’s rigid under him and he twists and curls his pointer and middle finger inside her. She tugs his hand away.

“Please, Ted. I need you inside me. Now.” She’s breathless.

Ted smiles and brings his soaked fingers to his mouth. He cleans them off as he gets the condoms out of her nightstand drawer. He rips the foil and rolls the condom on. At the sight of her blissed out, he can’t help stroking himself before lining up to her entrance.

“You sure you wanna do this?” He whispers.

“Yes.” She kisses him. “Now.”

He thrusts and she gasps feeling him stretch her slowly. He looks down at her face to see any signs of discomfort before burying himself to the hilt. 

“Oh, god, baby.” He grunts. She’s all around him. He could stay like that forever. He moves his hips and pulls out all the way only to push back in. He fucks into her fast. She wants him on top, in control, and fast. It’s been too long. She’s waited so long and she deserves this. 

“Ted…please.”

“What, honey?” 

“S-Slower. Don’t want this over yet.”

He’s a little stunned and she lifts her hips up. He gasps. 

“Is this good for you?” She sighs. 

“Um…” He’s trying to string his thoughts together but she’s got him so tight. She smiles.

“I think I know what you need. I wanna be on top.” She remembers how he reacted to her taking control before. She knows he likes it. He just has to learn to ask. 

His eyes go dark and she smiles. He pulls out so she can straddle him. Her pace moves steady and Ted melts under her. 

“This what you want?”

“Y-Yes."

“Relax, Ted. I’m gonna take good care of you.”

She puts his hands on her hips. His eyes stay on her rocking back and forth. She looks like a goddess shimmering with sweat. She feels exquisite and he’s glad he has a lover who really wants to know what gets him going. 

“You like watching me ride you?”

Ted opens his mouth and the only thing that comes out is a groan. Her hand plants on his chest and the other strokes his face. Her thumb brushes over his lip and slips inside. He bites down. She loves seeing him like this. Trusting her completely and surrendering control. 

“You feel so good. I love how you feel inside me, Ted. We fit together so well.”

He moans again and reaches for her breast, but she pins his hands over his head by the wrist. Pleasure washes over him and he’s a goner. She picks up her pace and he’s mumbling a blue streak mixed with her name.

“Please, Pri. baby please.” He’s begging again and he looks so beautiful doing it with rosy cheeks and a damp brow.

“Please? Please, what?” She slows back down again.

“Lemme touch you. I gotta touch you. Please.”

She takes his hand and moves it right above where they are joined. He finds that nub and circles it in time with her hips. She cries out. 

“You’re so good, Ted. No one touches me like you do. You’re perfect.” She’s bouncing faster now feeling her chest tighten. “You make me feel—safe—happy. You’re so good. Oh, you’re so good. I love being yours. Just yours.”

He throws his head back against the pillows and his world dissolves into a weightless heaven. She follows him soon after and arches her back. It’s amazing.

They’re both absolutely spent when she slumps forward. He helps her rest her back on the mattress. She giggles and touches his face. He just smiles at her. 

“How do you feel?” She whispers.

“Great.” He kisses her palm. “But we are not waiting that long to do that ever again.”

“You’re insatiable."  

    As their relationship grows, neither of them is perfect. Ted doesn’t go out of his way to frustrate her and he’s the sweetest thing, but misunderstandings happen. Sometimes tempers are short due to lost sleep. When Priyala has a problem or something to vent about, sometimes his optimism is too much for her realism and she wants him to just stop talking and listen to her. Then she feels guilty because she’s not upset about anything important. She doesn’t feel like she can say that with everything he’s gone through so she just ignores it, but it always comes out. 

They never have knock down drag out fights and never in front of Diya and Jaya. They don’t even yell, but frustrations are vented and feelings are hurt. To work through it, Ted suggests she tell him when something is starting to bother her instead of holding it in. He’s not so fragile that he can’t handle her kind honesty and Michelle bottled up so much he never wants that to happen again. He begins to understand that she just wants to talk it out with no real solution like he is with Higgins, Beard, and Roy. He helps her understand that her feelings are valid and worth hearing. Not to mention, making up (no matter how small the argument) is just so fun. 

On a random day, Priyala brings over his coffee as he sits in her kitchen. Ted takes a sip and sighs.

“This is perfect. God, I love you.”

Priyala’s eyes widen, stunned.

“Oh, damn. I didn’t mean that I just I really fudged it.”

She sits on his lap. “Hush, I love you too.”

“You do? I didn’t mean to say it so suddenly but it’s true, Pri. I love you. I know a guy like me doesn’t usually get such a gorgeous, smart, funny—“

She puts her finger on his lips. “Stop that and kiss me.”

Ted chuckles and cups her face bringing her mouth to his.

That night heavy panting fills her bedroom as she sits on his lap with her legs wrapped around his spine. They’ve never been so close. Skin to skin. Covered in sweat. Every part of them touching. His damp chest hair rubs against her breasts with every rock of their hips. It’s so deep and intense that her head is swimming and her body just takes over. He’s so deep and she’s never felt this full as he drags in and out of her. He kisses spots inside her that she’s only written about. She whimpers and rests her head on his shoulder. 

“Look at me, baby. Keep your eyes on me.”

“Ted…” She whines his name forcing herself to lock eyes with him. She’s never felt anything like this.

“Priyala…” He tilts his hips up and they both gasp into each other’s mouths. This has never happened to him before. He’s never felt this connected to his lover and he knows she can feel it too. 

She gasps again feeling her peak climb higher and higher. His grip on her sides tightens letting her know he’s close too. She doesn’t change the pace and neither does he. It’s too perfect the way his body rubs her bundle of nerves with every thrust. They want to fall together. 

“I love you.” He gives her a simple kiss.

“I love you.” She whispers on his lips.

That’s all it takes to send them crashing into oblivion. She clutches his shoulders and he groans into her neck. Stunned at what their bodies have achieved together. They tangle together in the sheets unable to speak. Ted runs his hand up and down her side and she stares into his eyes. He’s looking at her like he can’t believe she’s real and right now, she can’t believe he is too. Their lips meet in a slow kiss. She spreads her fingers through his damp hair and runs her nails down his neck.

“We need to remember that position.” He says as her head rests on his chest. 

“We’re very good at it.” She smiles into his skin. “It’s from the Kama Sutra.”

Ted chuckles. “I have two reasons to love India now.”

“Maybe we should make our way through it. Try it out.” She smirks up at him.

“Did I tell you I love you?” He kisses her. 

Ted visits Henry back in Kansas for two weeks. Priyala misses him, but she knows they have a holiday planned when he gets back. He’s having so much fun that Priyala reaches out to Michelle to see if Henry can join them on the trip. She agrees and will fly back with him after. The smile on Ted’s face at the airport makes Priyala’s heart sing. No surprise the girls and Henry get on immediately.  

Priyala takes them all to the Lakes since Ted has never been and deserves some peace before the season starts up again. She knows he has a lot on his mind. Right now on a beautiful afternoon in July, Ted isn’t anxious about the future because he’s enjoying the present too much. The team’s promoted. He has the support of all of his family and friends about his mental health. His wonderful son is playing with water pistols with Diya and Jaya. To his surprise,  Henry teams up with Diya and ambushes Jaya. She has none of it and launches a full assault and wins through pure grit. Priyala laughs so heartily that he feels it vibrate through his chest. He looks down at the beautiful woman he loves in his arms loving him right back. Her small brown hand laces with his large white one. Ted has never really been a praying man, but he knows this is heaven right here. 

[samwpmarleau]

Two interesting points I hadn’t thought much about before:

“I also think it’s not past the show to show you a couple that you like, but also show you a healthy breakup and a healthy move-on.”

I’ve seen in the past people mention that they liked the platonic Jamie-Keeley stuff because it showed exes as friends, but ... well, we didn’t root for them. We didn’t care about them. People dismiss their romantic relationship as juvenile, shallow, etc. So the exes-being-friends thing, yes, it’s true, but people wanted them to be just friends anyway, and they broke up so soon into the show to where that’s been their primary dynamic the whole time. As a result of that, since we didn’t give a shit about them being romantic partners there’s no real payoff to them becoming platonic instead.

But Keeley and Roy? People root for them. People love them. People want them to be together forever. So showing a couple everyone likes together breaking up in a healthy way (more or less; Roy’s insecurities were behind it and Keeley didn’t want to break up, but it wasn’t acrimonious or due to cheating or anything) simply because they’re on different life paths, then remaining on good terms? That would be something different and compelling.

And on the Keeley-Jamie side of things, playing out the second chance thing, the self-improvement makes you more attractive thing, the fact that the reasons Keeley broke up with Jamie are null and void now, that too is compelling. Sometimes people break up because they weren’t right for each other at the time, but they are right for each other sometime down the road.

“They made a point of telling us that Roy broke up with her. So if she moves on to date somebody that Roy knows, or really fucking anybody, they kind of set us back in our seat on that. It’s her fucking right, she can do that, Roy’s the one who decided to move on.”

Even if Keeley had broken up with Roy, she’d be free to date whoever she wants, obviously. She’s not Roy’s possession, she doesn’t need his permission. But she very much was not the one who instigated the breakup. She wanted to stay together and work things out, it was Roy who pulled the plug. So if Keeley gets back with Jamie, there’s no risk of “Oh, she left Roy for him” or “She was into him the whole time and used work as an excuse to be available” or whatever. It would suck for Roy, especially if it were Jamie of all people, but, well, too fucking bad. (And, frankly, turnabout is fair play — Jamie wasn’t allowed to be resentful that Keeley wound up with Roy, so Roy doesn’t get to be resentful if she winds up back with Jamie.)

I think it would provide a very affecting scene if, ideally before Keeley starts seriously pursuing Jamie so there’s not that aspect hanging over the conversation, Roy went up to her and apologized, explained the real reasons why he broke up with her, told her he wants her back, etc., and she says no. Because in the time that they’ve been apart (bearing in mind that she went from Jamie to Roy very quickly, she had virtually no time to think about herself), she’s discovered things about herself and where she as an individual wants to go, and being with Roy woudn’t be conducive to that. It would be the flipside of the thing with Jamie — sometimes people who were right at the time no longer are.

And that’s okay.

Oh, and I also would just like to say: sometimes the show makes decisions that many, if not most, people disagree with. In fandom at least (I’m not sure about the general public who only casually watches the show lol) VERY few people liked Sambecca. The show eventually broke them up, but the point is that they likely knew people would be alarmed at that pairing, yet they did it anyway. I’m still not convinced that they would be so ballsy as to do something similar here, risk fandom’s wrath by not only permanently keeping Keeley and Roy apart but having Keeley’s endgame relationship be Jamie, but there’s precedent of them doing what they feel the narrative deserves rather than what fandom wants.

was listening to a recap podcast and it spent like five minutes talking about the jamie/keeley scene, all of which was positive and culminated in them saying they think it would be earned and they’d be fine with it

i am very pleasantly surprised

[disco-troy]

Titan Evil Arcs Ranked

14. Roy - No one liked Roy’s evil arc. You didn’t like it, I didn’t like it, Roy didn’t like it, it erased all his characterization and put him on a path he hasn’t recovered from since. NOT ONLY THAT but

he was retconned with the worst anti-hero backstory possible. Yes, of course Roy Harper would be so want to “surpass Oliver Queen” that he would create a mercenary team called “Iron Rule” and then murder his own team bc they killed people. Also that stupid cap I hate it. This arc was character, fashion and competency assassination at the same time. Thanks Lobdell. 

13. Garth - He doesn’t really turn evil, he just gets brainwashed and zombified a little. Personally, I think Garth deserves a little bit of time to go apeshit, but his arcs so far of getting murdered and zombified by his dead wife and girlfriend and getting brainwashed by his Scottish  water evil spirit girlfriend are not it. 12. Gar - Went crazy for some reason, became a really gross throw up monster, whatever, no one remembers it, he figures out how to be sane eventually Dick didn’t even let Gar figure his stuff out he needed to announce his wedding instead. 11. Lilith - Imagine getting rebooted into the new 52 just to be a minion torturing victims with your mental powers before a ripoff hunger games starring a ripped off young justice, but also it was just a dream. idk I wasn’t paying attention. 10. Terry - we all knew there was something up with him tbh the evil arc wasn’t a surprise. He’s only this high because I find it hilarious that dc made Mav Wolfman’s self insert get a restraining order for Donna so she couldn’t see her son, immediately got killed in a car crash with said son and then just come back in increasingly graphic evil dream sequences. Don’t write your self-insert into comics, kids. 9. Kory - She gets to look cool when she’s evil but that’s it. Got killed by her sister in JLO and she wasn’t even her own evil person! She was taken over by Darkseid. Slightly cooler in flashpoint but didn’t even get to shine cause she got killed in a gasoline explosion :///. She can explode into a supernova I feel like she should be more powerful when she’s evil! 8. Wally -  Yes, he manipulated the entire justice league and framed innocents for a murder he committed, and yes he watched every single superheroes trauma therapy confessions, at least when he murdered Roy he put their dead bodies together bc friends. 7. Joey  - Listen, no one liked Titans Hunt, You didn’t like Titans Hunt, none of the Titans liked Titans hunt. Joey wasn’t even in control of him being evil and he kidnapped all the titans and kills a bunch of them, doesn’t even succeed in taking over the world and he does with an evil organization it in matching fur suits!? There are better ways to come out as a furry, Joey. At least Gar doesn’t make all his EVERYONE wear the same fur suits. Points for the homoerotic tension with Dick tho I guess. Also the idea of him having the trauma of everyone he possessed could have been cool but they bombed it so rip. 6. Hank - Listen, listen, I know the monarch story line is dumb as shit and a retcon because dc was mad everyone figured out who monarch was supposed to be but I can’t help it its so funny. fr imagine you’re Hawk, your brother and crime fighting partner is dead, as a result you get blacklisted in twelve countries because you keep beating people up. You get a new crime-fighting partner that is able to stop you from getting blacklisted in more countries, a villain named  monarch seemingly kills her. You kill the villain, SIKE! It turns out you were monarch the entire time! Time to be evil, I guess. You join Hal Jordan because he’s vibing as Parallax and then you create an alternate dimension in order to train a fake version of the titans as sleeper agent assassins for the time crisis or whatever idk. You find Terra alive and you just add her to the team?? You brainwash some dude into thinking he’s Dick Grayson to be the leader of the team for some reason even tho u hate Dick Grayson???? You use time travel to populate your team with a bunch of OCs and a vampire??? I’M SORRY HES SO FUNNY!! 5. Sure, Donna may have tried to murder all the titans (Wasn’t cool that she suffocated Karen in her hospital bed), but she’s immortal and she was having a bad day, she deserves it. Plus she acknowledges it’s because she loved them all so much  she had to kill them so she wouldn't get too attached to her friends. She also had the arc where they retconned her as evil in Wonder Woman back before ntt was canon again we don’t talk about that. 4. Dick - Pretty successful Elseworld evil arcs, good villainy, he knows how to pull it off but one big problem. Every time he’s evil, he’s so mean to his friends! In New Order he takes over the world and creates a new world order. Stephanie and Tim get like a suburban house and chill life and what the titans just have to fight the resistance against him? And then he asks them for help??? And in the vampire universe he just takes Kory captive for her blood. Dick, c’mon. Take an example from Raven, she wanted to rule with the titans as the seven sins. Or at least Wally who lay his dead body next to Roy’s bc Titans forever <3. 3. Tara - Got a pep talk from Dick Grayson, destroyed the entire world 20/10 iconic. She just needed a bit of self esteem 2. Demon raven, icon, many arcs, most of them bangers, crashed a wedding like an icon, slowly became evil bc George forgot what her forehead looked like, ect. She can pull it all off! The only reason its not number one in the list is that’s it’s done enough that writers are bad at it sometimes. And yet! they haven’t even touched on half of the excited concepts that could have come from this. Demon Raven ruling a dimension with Trigon? Maybe backstabbing Trigon? Demon Raven still wanting to save her friends or maybe destroy them? raven grappling with what she’s done with Demon Raven? An examination of what part of Raven feeds into her demon side? GUYS COME ON 1. Vic - Showstopping, incredible! Vic losing his humanity and wanted to protect the people he cared the most to regain that humanity again .... so beautiful. Giving the titans all they wanted! Giving Garth that weird mix of girlfriends in one person and Dick Batman saying he’s proud of him and Donna her child again  it wasn’t perfect but he was trying so hard.  So what if he destroyed the moon a little bit in the process, these things are messy. Plus he did it 11 years before despicable me. What a trailblazer.

[pluckyredhead]

Let’s talk about Roy’s abandonment issues!

So this is a thing I come back to over and over again when I’m writing Roy, and for me it’s a super crucial aspect of his character, and one of his biggest stumbling blocks in relationships.

Roy is a Good Little Extrovert, right? He’s charming and flirty and very very good at faking being okay, so it’s easy to miss the ways in which he falls into his own unhealthy patterns. (Especially because he tends to fall into them with people who have a vested interest in believing him when he lies and says he’s okay.)

You can trace Roy’s abandonment issues pretty clearly and consistently through his canon from “Snowbirds Don’t Fly” on, but there are three moments in particular that for me, really inform how he reacts to feeling abandoned, and why: the detox flashback in the Arsenal miniseries, his breakup with Donna in Titans ‘99, and his breakup with Jason in RH/A.

So! Arsenal #1!

This is the only time Roy ever says the inside thoughts out loud, and naturally it’s when he’s at his lowest possible point. (We do not speak of Cry for Justice or Rise of Arsenal in this space.) And yes, he’s a teenager, and yes, he’s detoxing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true, and that doesn’t mean the feelings will ever fully go away. There’s a part of Roy that will always believe that he is fundamentally unlovable and deserves to be left. That no one will ever stay, because no one ever has. (It probably doesn’t help that not only did both of his fathers die, they did so by charging in to meet death head-first - Ollie specifically after Roy asked him not to.)

“No one’s ever gonna stay when I need them. I’m just so scared if I try again I’ll...” Oh baby boy. Sweetheart. It’s gonna be okay.

Even in the present day, his feelings of being abandoned by Ollie - not just during “Snowbirds,” but by Ollie’s death - are palpable, and yet they’re still only speakable under his breath, half-joking:

So we’ve got a boy who is charismatic and needy, who loves love and sex and intimacy, and who is fundamentally convinced that no one will ever stay with him and incapable of expressing that out loud. I wonder if that will have a deleterious effect on his romantic relationships?

...Let’s talk about Donna.

I think we can pretty safely say that Roy and Donna were each other’s first loves - or at least, neither of them had canon love interests prior to their relationship in the 60s and 70s. They were extremely chaste and fairly casual in the 60s; by the late 70s, you can definitely read them as sexually involved, even if it’s played coy for the benefit of the Comics Code. Somewhere between the end of Teen Titans Volume 1 and The New Teen Titans they broke up, presumably amicably based on their later interactions, and Donna almost immediately married the horrifying Terry Long while Roy went about making babies with supervillains.

By the time Titans ‘99 rolls around, Donna has gotten divorced, dated and dumped Kyle Rayner, lost her ex and her son to a car crash, and mostly processed her grieving. She was also just coming off of a plotline where a villain erased her from reality and she was reconstituted from Wally’s memories for Reasons. Which is why Roy making a dumb sex joke sends her into a tailspin:

They start dating again, but Donna is upfront fairly early on about her reasons for doing so:

In other words, because Roy is a Bad Boy (you know, one tattoo and an earring, two whole love interests over the course of 58 years of canon, an absolute rapscallion), Donna is basically using him to feel less like a Good Girl. Which, hey, at least she’s honest about it! But maybe this isn’t a good reason to date someone??? Maybe???

And Roy takes a brief, inscrutable pause (is that “...” because he’s hurt? angry? processing? WE JUST DON’T KNOW), says “Understood,” and CONTINUES THE RELATIONSHIP ON THOSE TERMS. A good and healthy choice that absolutely will not backfire, ever!

Some time later, the Fab Five are stranded on an island in a storm, and tensions are running high (partially, but not entirely, because a villain is playing with their minds and bringing out their resentments and insecurities). Once again, Donna is brutally honest:

She doesn’t want Lian getting too attached to her, because obviously she and Roy are going to break up - anything else is just laughable. Roy’s amazing, she loves him, the chemistry is great, but of course they don’t have a future. That’s not what Roy’s for.

And Roy just...walks away. Roy has a quick temper and will cheerfully fight about anything - except this. He can’t bring himself to pretend it’s okay or that he’s not angry or hurt, but he is also incapable of arguing that he deserves to be considered as a long-term possibility, so he just...leaves.

They never talk about it. The subsequent issue has all of the Titans hashing out their arguments, but this one? They don’t touch it. They pretend it didn’t happen.

Another ten issues go by (with abundant Cheshire-related drama). Donna is nearly erased from existence again, and in the aftermath, she decides that the Roy experiment is over:

That second to last panel just kills me. It’s like the ellipsis in the scene with Kyle, the walking away in the jungle, the muttered confession Dinah isn’t supposed to hear. All the hurt and the anger and the sadness go into one tiny, inscrutable beat, and the casual, devil-may-care mask is back on. Roy isn’t sad!!! He loves dating around!!! LOOK AT HOW AGGRESSIVELY NOT-SAD HE IS!!!

EVERYTHING IS FINE AND ROY HARPER HAS NEVER HAD A FEELING IN HIS LIFE!!! WHO WANTS CAKE?

I don’t mean for this to be a dunking-on-Donna party, because I love her, and again: she has been explicit with Roy, over and over and over again, about her goal here. The only thing that really pisses me off is her continued reference to Lian getting hurt, as if only Lian is capable of it - as if Roy genuinely doesn’t possess feelings to hurt.

And yet that’s not entirely on Donna, because Roy performs “I don’t have feelings to hurt” so consistently and so well. I think it’s partially that the Titans tend to fall back into their teenage roles when they’re around each other, but Roy was a carefree horndog when he first joined the team, and dangit, that’s the role he’s going to continue to play. (And Donna is far from the only member of the Fab Five to occasionally treat Roy like he has no feelings and is incapable of love, only boners.)

So yeah, it’s very easy to be angry with Donna here, but remember: Donna was honest with Roy throughout, but Roy wasn’t honest with Donna or himself, not for a minute. And why? It’s right up there in Arsenal #1. He’s scared to try. He’s scared to let himself believe that someone might stay. Easier to pretend to everyone, himself included, that he doesn’t care than to leave himself vulnerable like that.

In conclusion: this relationship is a MESS and I cannot look away, it is delicious to me.

After this, Roy actually does get other love interests, and it’s worth noting that with the exception of Cheshire - who he walked away from because she was, you know, a supervillain - he has never once been the one to end things. Donna breaks up with him. Grace and Helena are strictly casual. Kendra...well, that’s a mutual split, but sparked by her saying another man’s name in bed. Kori breaks up with him. And every single time, not a word of protest from Roy. Never a single argument in his defense.

And then there’s Jason. Or more specifically, there’s the way Jason walks away at the end of Red Hood/Arsenal. You know the page I’m talking about:

Now, this is a different continuity with some very different characterization for Roy, and Scott Lobdell is a fucking hack, but holy shit is this the Roy I used to know. Being dumped, again. Just taking it, again. Turning away to keep from showing how he feels, but this time he can’t bring himself to put on the big happy “Hey, it’s okay, I deserve this!” smile. Not yet. (But does he come charging back in to fight Batman the second Jason needs him? Of course he does.)

Anyway. I feel like we’re all very familiar with Jason’s fears and traumas and intimacy issues, but I made this post in part as a reminder that just because Roy is charismatic and extroverted and very, very good at pretending doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own insecurities, and doesn’t mean that he doesn’t repeatedly play out unhealthy scripts. So if you’re wondering why I’m obsessed with writing Roy willfully insisting that thing are casual when they’re obviously not, or being incapable of believing that someone (Jason) is in love with him when they patently are...this is why. I’d tell him to go to therapy, but we all know how that turned out.

(Seriously, though, Roy. Go to therapy.)

[chiizuburger]

Let's talk about the series Giri/Haji (2019) aka the most underrated series in Netflix

I literally just finished Giri/Haji and I need to talk about it. Because I don't think I've ever been this...in love with a series since ever.

First things first, I'mma share a little bit how I learned about the series:

I became obsessed with Sophia di Martino after seeing her in Loki, and like anyone with a heart, I looked through her IMDB to find where else can I see her?!

And I stumbled upon Flowers, which is an equally phenomenal series also available in Netflix, and I discovered Will Sharpe.

And lemme tell ya, he's a beautiful piece of mankind and I learned that not only did he write and direct and act in Flowers, but he is also the lucky husband of Sophia.

Then I saw that Will won a BAFTA for his role in Giri/Haji. Learned that it was also in Netflix and a week later (because I wanted to savor it), here we are.

Okay. No-spoiler thoughts first.

If you dig detective series and/or British series and/or Japanese drama, this delicious piece of bilingual media is for you.

If you love the whole "found family" premise, this is for you.

Off the bat, Will's character Rodney is the clear scene stealer of this series. Right from the first episode, you just know you're gonna love him and wanna give him all the love he sorely needs.

I adore that Kenzo isn't written as a macho detective lead. He allows himself to be vulnerable and isn't afraid to get in touch with his emotions.

Of course, as the Japanese man he is, it takes time for him to accept his emotions, but I'm happy he doesn't resort to anger or self-pity to deal with them.

I love how all the women--and I mean all of the women characters--are strong-willed and unapologetic and flawed and fierce and I-will-stab-you-in-the-legs-if-you-grope-me energy. All of em. They take no bull shit and I respect that.

It is particularly nice to see that kind of energy with Japanese women, who are often written as innocent and demure and pure.

My most favorite aspects of this series is its cinematography, its editing, and its storytelling.

The various ways it uses cinematic language and different forms of media to highlight important moments of the story really makes the series a well-crafted show.

My favorite episodes are Episode 3, 4, and 6.

Episode 4 was particularly memorable. It is one of the best flashback episodes I've ever seen and it deepens our perspective of every main character.

My favorite sequence comes in both Episode 6 and Episode 8, the finale.

Despite getting recognized by BAFTA, the show got cancelled after one season.

But you know what?

(Spoiler thoughts start under the cut)

I think it was a smart move to keep it a one-off drama.

Everything actually wrapped up nicely. There's one semi-loose end that I need reassurance about, which is whether Rodney and Sarah (our female lead detective) become friends again and Rodney can fully realize that he is loved by his newfound family.

Apart from that, this is one series where the semi-open ending finale trope works.

I think the whole Ian-might-rat-us-out subplot could have played out better? Or maybe it could not have played out at all? Like, maybe instead of Abbot being at the rooftop, maybe it could have been Ian?

I actually wasn't sure about how we should feel about Ian. I mean, he didn't deserve Sarah, but...he's...not...a bad...person? I mean, a sketchy detective and a bad boyfriend, yes, but it didn't fully read out to me as "don't trust him" or "stay away from him."

Because when Sarah said in the second episode that her ex was a man who did bad things "until he couldn't," I heard that as he physically abused her. Like, that shit of a man.

But...I don't know. Maybe I missed out on something.

Plus, WHO DID PUT THE SNAKE IN SARAH'S LETTER BOX? Was that some kind of sicko prank?! Did one of her neighbors have it as a pet and it accidentally went to her letterbox???

If Ian was worked for the mafia, maybe that would have worked better? Like, switch Vickers, for Ian, maybe?

Gosh, Vickers, am I right? I mean, who would have thought Justin Long would be a part of this?

ROY was a surprise. Did not expect that twist in the finale. I feel bad for him though because he was really just a bloke caught up in a sticky situation. Like, he's not a bad guy, too. He's just in a bad situation.

Huh.

It's like what Kenzo said, huh? "We're not bad people. We're just doing bad things."

Kenzo and Sarah, right? I felt like it wasn't necessary for them to get romantic, but after Episode 3 with that silent exchange, I appreciate that they went that direction.

I also appreciate that Kenzo was fully aware that he is married and Sarah was fully aware of it too. She knew it was the worst way to let light in.

And I'm glad that there was a moment between Kenzo and Rei where they allowed themselves (or at least Rei allowed Kenzo) to go off their separate ways.

I love the detail that Rei was actually in contact with Yuto and Natsuko is an badass old woman who likes to live on the edge.

The way she said, "Then we will fight" when Eiko and Rei worried about the yakuzas. I mean!

Okay, okay. I'mma back up a bit, because the reason why I thought the whole Ian subplot didn't work was because it felt like the writers eventually didn't know what to do with Rodney?

Like, why bring this kind of pain to Rodney?!

But then, you know, thinking about it as I am writing this, we all know Rodney would be with Taki and it might be Rodney who gets in trouble with Jiro.

Ahh, Jiro. That...dangerous specimen.

Glad he didn't kill Toshio.

But still, my biggest concern for the ending of this series is that we leave Rodney at such a low place.

Like, I just need to know that he needs up okay and he reunites with Sarah and Taki and all live together in London now. And Rodney's restarting his life with a better direction in life, but of course struggles with relapse?

Okay, I am seeing now where the second series could have went on. The creator said it would have been a "Rodney-Taki centric" season.

Gosh, so maybe they would have changed genre?! Aaaahhhhh! but who knows? I mean, I imagine the yakuzas are still after the Mori brothers.

But then again, Fukuhara and Endo are dead sooo...

Giri/Haji, right?! It's... It's a great piece of media.

Anyway, if you wanna talk about Giri/Haji, please feel free to send me a message!

PLEASE! Haha. Take care, y'all

[sylvies-chen]

Upstead prompt 67 and/or 77 💛

67. “If you don’t want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.” + 77. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

It’s her fault things have been awkward between her and Jay, Hailey knows that.

He hasn’t really given her an answer to her suggestion that they get married. But if she’s being honest, she sort of needs it. Things are too chaotic and messy in her head right now. Every time she closes her eyes she’s back in that warehouse with Voight. Jay’s the only thing that makes it fade away into the back of her mind. Marrying him feels right. And so what if it’s just her clinging onto the only stable thing in her life? That doesn’t mean she’s not ready for it. She is-- or she thinks she is, at least.

But he’d told her to think it over, that they should talk about it after they know Kim’s okay, and she takes it as a bad sign.

Kim gets out of the hospital today. They’re finally discharging her and Jay’s dropped by to change into new clothes before going to see her. Adam had arranged for the whole unit, with the exception of Voight, to be there for her when she gets to the apartment. Makayla will like the extra company and Kim being alive is worth celebrating.

When Jay’s done changing, Hailey’s still pacing around her apartment. She knows today will be hard: seeing Kim without thinking of what she and Voight did will be damn near impossible and frankly, she’s already spiraling enough as it is. But Jay notices her distress, furrows his brows and steps in front of her to stop her pacing. “Hey, I’m ready. Are you good?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” she tells him absentmindedly, her mind elsewhere as she runs hands through her loose hair. She realizes she hasn’t stopped fidgeting since Jay came out of her room but honestly, fscing him head on is too hard not to. This uncertainty about whether he wants to marry her, on top of the secret that’s devouring her whole, is enough to make her afraid to look at him. We can go now.”

Jay eyes her up and down worriedly, shaking his head after a beat of silence. “No, not yet. Not until you tell me what’s up with you.”

“What?” Her head jerks up, meeting his steady gaze for the first time that afternoon. He doesn’t look angry or scared, just concerned. He’s soft and warm and she melts under his gaze. It makes her want to scream and cry and let everything out.

She doesn’t.

“You’ve been acting strange ever since Kim’s abduction. I know it was scary and we all got put through the ringer, Kim especially, but this is different. So talk to me, Hailey. What’s going on?”

She swallows hard, choosing the more surface level issue to talk about instead of the real issue. Because the real issue is something dark and ugly that she isn’t ready to face. Not yet, anyway. “I know you said I said we should get married out of shock, but it’s been two weeks. Kim’s better, she’s getting discharged from the hospital. You haven’t said anything about it.”

His shoulders sag slightly as he shakes his head. She can see his mind spinning in his irises. “I told you, Hailey. There was a lot going on that night, I just don’t want to jump into anything if you don’t mean it.”

“I do,” she insists. “I mean it, Jay. I know it’s fast but we love each other.”

“Yes, we do,” Jay agrees. “But there’s more to this than just me not giving you an answer about getting married, Hailey. I’m not giving you an answer because that’s not the top priority. The top priority now is whatever’s going on with you.”

“Nothing’s going on with me,” she protests meekly, almost in a whisper, as she breaks eye contact and bites her lip.

“Like hell it is,” he replies. It’s not loud or roaring, but there’s the slightest edge to his voice that’s only slightly overpowered by his overwhelming worry. “You haven’t been the same since that night. Even then, when you came home before seeing Kim in the hospital, you were freaked out. You think I don’t know you well enough to know when you’re spiraling over something? C’mon, Hailey. I can tell something’s wrong. What the hell happened at that warehouse?”

“Nothing,” she tries lying again but is completely unconvincing— and completely filled with tears that start to pool up in her eyes. Blinking them back only ends up blinking them out and they stream onto her cheek. Fuck. This lie can’t keep going, can it?

Voight had told her not to say a word though. Jay won’t look at her the same after this. He’ll hate her; want nothing to do with her. But the damn is slowly breaking with each aching plea that Jay lets out. She can feel it but can’t fight it.

“Don’t do that,” he warns. “You can’t keep shutting me out. I’m not going anywhere don’t you get that by now? At the very least, just admit something’s wrong. If you don’t want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.”

Hailey shakes her head, her hands shaking even more. She’s tempted to start her pacing again, adjacent to Jay, but instead settles on shifting her weight over to her other leg and fidgeting with her thumbs. “I can’t,” she sputters, choking on her words. “I can’t, Jay. You’ll never look at me the same again.”

“How can you know that without telling me what it is?”

“I just do,” Hailey tells him. “There is something very wrong with me, Jay. That night only made it worse and now I can’t go back or undo my mistakes. I thought if we got married that it might make it go away but it won’t. Everything that happened, everything I did, it’ll never go away. Just don’t ask me to drag you into this hell too. You deserve better than this— than me.”

“Hey, hey,” he soothes her, closing the small space between them and lifting his hands to rub her shoulders. “There is nothing wrong with you. And I’d go through hell for you, Hailey, you know that. I love you. Please, just— just tell me what happened. Tell me why you’re so freaked out. Please.”

She sucks in a sharp breath. That little voice in her head, the one scarily similar to Voight’s, is telling her that she needs to keep her mouth shut if she wants to survive. But her heart, in a rare moment of clarity, know that she needs to tell Jay if she wants to live. She may never have a happy ending with him if she tells him, but she definitely won’t have one if she doesn’t. Jay Halstead is the most steady constant in her life. If that steadiness is now conditional on her telling the truth, then, well… she’ll keep it intact. She wants to rip of the bandaid and break free from this prison her mind’s been in for the past two weeks. She wants to finally be saved from this secret that’s been drowning her and reap whatever consequences that come her way. She wants to tell him.

So she does.

She takes another deep and shaky breath, wiping away the tears that only frustrate her more. Her head bows, but then move back up to meet his eye. His steady gaze gives her the last push of strength she needs.

“I killed Roy.”

[mochegato]

Hope on Board

Chapter 24 – The Show Doesn’t Care if You’re Falling Apart

Chapter 1     Chapter 23

That was… well, not harder than anticipated, they anticipated it being hard, but terrible.  That was terrible.  Everything just barely seemed to come together.  Even after all their preparation, as always seems to happen, it came down to the last few seconds before they were able to disarm the last of the bombs.  On top of that both Garth and Lilith had gotten injured pretty badly.  They were all slightly off their game with Roy off the mission due to his broken jaw and multiple cracked ribs.  Dick probably should have waited until after the mission to kick his ass, but he would never have been able to hold off his anger that long and if he’d had to be in an enclosed place with him for two weeks, Roy would have ended up in the hospital for a few months at least.

Dick scrubbed his hand over his face a few times.  God, he was glad to be home.  He wished more than anything he was walking into his apartment and into Marinette’s open arms.  He would give anything to just curl up with Marinette in their bed and sleep for a week with her in his arms, but he’d burned that bridge pretty soundly.

Instead, he was walking into his childhood home because he didn’t know if Marinette was still in their apartment and he wasn’t about to make her feel awkward if she was.  He really hoped she was still there.  They’d bought that place to be a home for the twins.  He wanted them to have that, even if it didn’t include him.  

So he avoided what he hoped was their home and came back to the manor.  Hell, he wasn’t sure if he was all that welcome here either considering how Jason and Tim had been acting before he left.  But, he needed somewhere to lay down and rest while he figured out how to make it up to Marinette, or at the very least be amicable for the sake of the twins.  He knew she wouldn’t cut him out of the twins’ lives, but he wanted more than to just be there.  He wanted them to work together, to be together.  He wanted her, even knowing he didn’t deserve her.  He wanted to make her happy.  He wanted to be happy and he hadn’t been whenever he wasn’t with her.  Every time he left, he was miserable.

He looked up when he heard footsteps making their way toward him quickly and perked up a bit.  Maybe the family wasn’t as angry with him as he had anticipated.  Maybe, they were coming to welcome him home.  If they weren’t too mad, then maybe they’d help him prove himself to Marinette.  He could definitely use the help and they were all close to Marinette.  He smiled at Bruce, Tim, and Jason as they entered the foyer.  “Hey guys!”

“Dick!  Welcome home. Congratulations on the mission. Tell me about it after you’ve gotten settled in,” Bruce smiled warmly at him.

“It’s all in the report, B,” Dick chuckled.

“Yeah, but I want to hear you talk about it, about more than just what was in the report.”  Bruce clapped him on his shoulder as he passed him to make his way outside.

Dick beamed at him and finally took note of their outfits. “You guys look nice.  Where are you going?”

“Out, asshole,” Jason growled roughly bumping his shoulder into Dick’s as he walked out too.

Tim gave him a sympathetic look as he passed.  “Welcome back.  Hope to see you there.”  He nodded and followed them out.

Dick furrowed his brow, staring at the door for a few moments. Join them where?  “Welcome home, Master Dick.  Should I have your room prepared for tonight?” Alfred asked as he pulled on his coat as well.

“I think that’s probably for the best until I can speak with Marinette,” Dick grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck.  

“I believe Miss Marinette and Kismet have been staying with Master Adrien since you left,” Alfred informed him.  His voice was passive but years of experience with Alfred allowed Dick to detect the sharpness in the words.

“I see.  Thank you, Alfred,” he shot him a look to let him know he understood the message Alfred was passing on.  Dick had driven Marinette out of her home.  This was his fault and he needed to be the one to fix it.  “Hey Alfred, where is everyone going?”

Alfred gave him a sympathetic look.  “I think you need to figure this one out on your own.”  Alfred watched Dick as his brow furrowed at the cryptic answer.  Dick mentally ran through the schedule of things the family had on the schedule. There weren’t many and he couldn’t think of any that were coming up.  “Isn’t there somewhere you were supposed to be?  Something you were supposed to make it back for?” Alfred prompted him.

Dick shook his head at the words.  There was no gala coming up, no special dinners that he had been informed of.  There wasn’t even a significant Justice League meeting he knew of.  The only important event he had was Marinette’s show and the birth of the twins.  But the due date was more than a month away and the show was next week.

Alfred sighed and looked past him.  “Master Damian, it is time to leave.”

“I’m here, Alfred,” Damian grumbled, shuffling into the room. “I don’t understand why I must go when Grayson doesn’t have to.  He’s the reason I have to go in the first place.” He gave Dick a glare as he passed him. “And they’re not even together anymore, so he gets out of it.”

Damian slammed the door as he left through it.  Dick’s eyes were glued on the door.  He dropped his bag and pulled out his phone silently praying he was wrong.  He pulled up his calendar.  He was not wrong.  Today was the show and it started in just over an hour.  God!  His brain hadn’t caught up with the real date.  He had been so busy he still thought it was last week.

He silently cursed as he rushed to his room to take a shower and pull on a suit.  He frowned at the suit.  It was a fine suit, but it wasn’t special.  It wasn’t one by Marinette.  Everything she made was amazing and he would have loved to represent her.  So a plain, old designer suit would have to do, with a bright blue tie, the color she said made her think of him.

He raced through the streets on his motorcycle, weaving in and out of traffic to get there faster.  Maybe it was a good thing he wasn’t wearing a suit from her after all, because with all the wind whipping his jacket and tie around, there was no way his suit was going to look good when he got there.

He jumped off his bike and rushed inside.  He approached the security officers at the door and realized he hadn’t thought this through.  He didn’t have a ticket.  He and Marinette hadn’t talked about logistics like whether he would need a ticket, before he had left.  She probably hadn’t set one aside for him after the fight either.  Which meant he had no way into the show.  He was going to miss Marinette’s show.

He groaned and ran his hands over his face and through his hair. She had been working on this for a full year.  She had put her blood, sweat, and tears into this event.  Literally.   All three, she literally put all three into the outfits.  And he was going to miss it.  He wasn’t going to be able to see all her hard work come to fruition.  Damn it!  This meant so much to her and he was missing it.  He couldn’t support her because of a fight that was his fault in the first place.

“Mr. Grayson?”  The tentative voice broke his downward spiral.

He looked up and shook his head, confused at the sight. “Teri?  What are you doing here?”

She chuckled lightly.  “It’s a Wayne Enterprises event, Mr. Grayson.  I’m security.” She looked over him analytically.  “Do you need a way in?”

Dick shot up.  “Yes! Yes, I do.  Can you get me in?”

Teri nodded and pushed his arm slightly to get him to move toward the door with her as she walked him past the security guards stationed there.  “Mr. Pennyworth said to tell you they have a seat for you in the front and not to dawdle. His words, not mine, sir.”

Dick sighed in relief.  “Thank you, Teri.  Thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“I have an idea,” she smirked at him.  There was a shine in her eyes indicating she knew more than him. “I know how much it would devastate Miss. Dupain-Cheng if you weren’t there.”  Dick looked away quickly before she could see the change in his eyes.  He wasn’t so sure Marinette would be all that devastated.  “There you go, sir.”

Marinette walked on stage just as he slid into his seat between Damian and Alfred.  Polite applause sounded throughout the room with the exception of one loud, Jason sounding voice whooping in excitement.  Marinette giggled and shook her head to focus back on the task at hand. “Thank you everyone for that very enthusiastic greeting,” she smirked in their direction.  

“I wanted to start off by thanking Wayne Enterprises and especially Mr. Wayne and Mr. Drake for selecting me to work on this project with them. I’d also like to thank Mr. Fox for all of his brilliant work coming up with the fabrics I used for the show. Wayne Enterprises has put a lot of work and development into creating fabrics that are more than they seem, deceptively beautiful one might say.  

“Tonight, any light or color changes or shifts in rigidity you see in the clothes is entirely due to the fabric.  There are no special effects tonight, just special fabrics. We will have a press conference after the show where Messrs. Drake and Fox can elucidate the technology involved. I’m just here for the pretty. They’re here for the brains.”  She grinned at her own self-deprecating joke. “And without further ado, let’s start the show!”

She spun around and walked quickly behind the screen.  The first model walked out on stage and Dick was vaguely aware of gasps from the audience, but he didn’t notice the model. He was still staring at the spot where Marinette had disappeared.  Her hair was up in a bun and her dress was a blue and back, body skimming dress, both of which reminded him of the first night he met her.

She looked gorgeous, which wasn’t unexpected.  She always had been.  He thought maybe his mind had made her seem even more gorgeous while he was gone and missing her, but it wasn’t a trick of his mind, she was gorgeous and so much bigger than when he left.  He had only been gone two weeks and it seemed like her belly had grown more in the last two weeks than the two months before that.  Her dress skimmed over her bump, accentuating it.  She was in no way trying to hide the bump, as if she could, she was wearing it proudly and he wished he could hug her and rest his hands on it, maybe see if Robert and Lucy might kick his hands.  

He ran his hand through his hair again, further messing it up. He had missed so much.  Not just the last two weeks.  He’d missed so much of the twins developing because of his trips. And in this last one they’d gotten so much bigger.  How much more was he going to miss because of missions?

Another whoop drew his attention back to the runway.  He blinked a few times to make sure he really was seeing what he was seeing.  Stephanie was walking down the catwalk toward a black haired model who had just turned to return.  He stared at the two wondering how many models he had missed already.  When the black haired model got to the far end of the runway she turned around again and Dick finally saw her, Cassandra.  She smiled at the audience and did a standing backflip. As she moved, her dark blue jumpsuit flared with electricity.  He narrowed his eyes at it.  He gasped as he realized it was collecting energy from her movements.

His attention shifted back to Stephanie who had a proud grin, knowing the entire audience was amazed.  She made her way to the end of the runway in a gorgeous full body dress, a flame shot across the stage just before she reached it.  Stephanie, the chaos child she was, just grinned at the flame and continued to walk straight into it.  She stood in the fire’s flame for a few moments, letting the flame curl around her dress completely unaffected by the heat, before winking and turning back to return backstage.

As she walked back, she high fived the next model she passed. Dick chuckled as Duke swaggered his way down the runway with a sultry look on his face.  The lights at the end of the runway changed tone slightly to emulate sunlight.  As Duke approached the end of the runway, his shirt, or rather patterns in his shirt, started glowing.  The patterns got brighter the longer Duke stood under the sunlight.  Duke gave a cocky grin, knowing how impressive the outfit was and how good he looked in it before turning to walk back.

Halfway back, he fist bumped the next model, who Dick almost didn’t recognize as Rachel’s brother, Eddie.  Eddie didn’t have the swagger Duke had, but he held his own.  When he reached the end of the runway, he tugged on his jacket, changing the color of the jacket from black to blue.  He gave a smile to the audience and turned back to return.  About a quarter of the way back, he started running at the other model, who braced himself for Eddie to push off of into a flip over him.  He tugged on the jacket again mid-flip, exposing a new pattern in the jacket.

The new model turned back to the Audience with a confident, amused smile.  Dick huffed at how natural Adrien seemed on the runway and in a tuxedo.  By the time he made it to the end of the runway, someone had placed a candle at the end of the runway.  Adrien smirked and did a quick turn, whipping out the ends of his tuxedo coat.  As the coat spun, the ends turned hard and sliced cleanly through the candle.  When he turned back around, the ends of the coat fell fluidly around his back and bottom, all signs of rigidity gone.  

Adrien returned backstage and the models, Dick had clearly been staring after Marinette for a while because there were quite a few models he had missed in a variety of silhouettes, paraded out on stage for a final walk.  Adrien walked out last, arm in arm with Marinette who had an effervescent smile on her face as she waved to the audience.  Marinette suddenly looked around confused and yelled something to Stephanie, who was just going backstage.  Stephanie grinned and disappeared.  Less than a minute later, Stephanie was pushing Rachel out on stage as well.  Rachel looked out at the still applauding audience in awe until Marinette gave her a hug and guided her backstage with her.  

Before she had even made it backstage, Dick was moving to meet her. Barely noting the Wayne Enterprises employee announcing a press conference to discuss the innovations Marinette’s designs showcased starting in fifteen minutes.  So he had fifteen minutes to talk to Marinette.

He scanned the room and quickly found Marinette, at the center of the people, all congratulating her and celebrating, passing around champagne for the adults and water for Marinette and the minors.  He started to move towards her but paused.  This was her big moment.  This is everything she had been working towards for a year.  She was elated right now.  He didn’t want to ruin her moment by bringing his drama into it. She deserved this moment.  She deserved the elation.  He couldn’t take it away.  And they only had fifteen minutes, less now.  That wasn’t enough.  It would just bring the mood down without the time to bring it back up.

“Glad you could make it,” Lucius offered quietly, offering Dick a champagne flute.

“Thank you.  You did amazing work.  Those fabrics were brilliant,” Dick offered kindly, still staring at Marinette.

“Thank you.  I thought you might like the color scheme.  Blue, black, and grey.  Seemed like colors you would appreciate.”  He gave Dick a knowing smile.  

“She’s been working on this since before she met me and even if she hadn’t… she doesn’t know.”  Dick looked down embarrassed.  He didn’t want another conversation about why she didn’t’ know.

“The grey and black were there since before she met you, but the blue was more recent.”  Lucius turned toward Marinette.  “You never told her.”

Dick let out a deep sigh.  “The doctor said her pregnancy was risky.  She was supposed to reduce as much stress as possible.  I couldn’t… there was already so much stress from the show, I couldn’t add more to it.”  Even as he said the words he knew there was something wrong with them. Now that the mission was over, the words felt shallow, wrong.

Lucius silently studied Dick for a few moments while Dick pretended to focus on the chaos around them.  Finally, a look of realization settled in Lucius’ eyes.  “You know… being left behind, it leaves scars on a person, even if that was never the intent, even if that’s the last thing the person who left would ever want.  Watching them leave your life… it leaves a mark that sometimes never goes away.” Dick opened his mouth to object.  He was not leaving them behind.  Why did everyone think he would?  What did that say about him that everyone thought that he ever could?

Before he could say anything, Lucius continued. “Like watching your parents die in front of your eyes…” Dick snapped his mouth shut and stared at Lucius wide eyed.  “It leaves scars.  It makes you willing to go to extreme lengths to stop it from happening again.  It makes you need to stop it.  For some people that means putting on a bat costume and protecting a city.  For some people it means going out constantly to stamp out any potential threats.  And that need can be so strong, you can’t afford to let anyone stop you from doing so.” He paused to scan the room, his eyes settling on Marinette.  “Miss. Dupain-Cheng seems like the protective type.”

“She is,” Dick nodded numbly.

“The type that wouldn’t let someone she loves go out and risk their life recklessly for her.  The kind that would stop it.  Redirect the trauma.”  Dick stared at him dumbfounded.  “Are you sure by not telling her you’re protecting her, or are you preempting her, before she can talk you out of doing something you feel like you need to do?”

“No, that’s not…  There was a big plot.  The Court of Owls was planning a coordinated attack against the power grid in a few cities. The attack would have taken down the Eastern seaboard and a good portion of the Midwest.  I had to stop it.  I couldn’t… I couldn’t let her get hurt.”

Lucius nodded along with his words, contemplating what he said.  After a few minutes he spoke up again.  “You know, the hardest fabric to develop was the one with variable rigidity.  I couldn’t get the link to break.  Forming the bond was easy, but breaking it… impossible. The theory was there but I couldn’t get it to work.  I spent weeks maybe months focusing on nothing but getting that to work.”

Dick furrowed his brow at him, completely uncertain where the apparent non-sequitur was going.  “But you figured it out.”

“I did.”  He nodded in confirmation.  “And then Tim informed me we might not be able to use Stephanie’s design or the one before hers, maybe a few others.”

Dick shook his head in surprise.  “But that was brilliant.  That design was amazing.  It was my favorite, honestly… don’t tell my siblings that.”

Lucius chuckled.  “Your secret’s safe with me.” He suddenly turned serious again.  “There was a problem with production on the insulation fabrics, both the fire and ice insulators.  I spent so much time and focus on getting the variable rigidity working, I completely missed that production was falling apart.  That’s a problem I have sometimes, you know?  I hyper focus on one important thing and miss all the other the important things, even when they’re more important.  Could have destroyed the entire show.”

Dick blinked at him a few times.  He opened his mouth to respond, with what, he wasn’t sure, but luckily he was saved at the last second.  “Dick!”

Dick was ripped out of his confused haze by the sound of a familiar voice calling his name.  When he finally located the source he gave her a strained smile.  “Rachel.  Great job with the collection.”

“Oh, I didn’t do much of anything.  Marinette did all the work, and Lucius of course,” she deferred shyly.

Lucius smiled at her graciously.  “I know the most impressive part was done by Marinette. Finding a way to show all the innovations in their best light.  Her creativity is astounding.”

“I know Marinette found your insights very valuable, Rachel.  Just take the compliment,” Dick smiled at her.

“Yo!  Mr. Grayson,” Eddie called out to him, shaking his hand.

“Eddie.  You looked great up there.  A natural model,” Dick smiled at him.

Eddie blushed and looked away.  “It was okay.  Glad I could help.”

“Good flip up there too.  I bet you could have a good future as an action model if you wanted. You should talk to Adrien about it,” Dick encouraged him.

“Do you think he’d talk to me?” Eddie asked excitedly.

“I know he would absolutely love to help someone trying to break into the business.  I can… um…” he hesitated considering whether he would be the best intermediary between Eddie and Adrien.  “Or you can go up to him now.  He’ll be thrilled, honestly.”

Eddie looked around until he spotted Adrien.  “Yeah, maybe…” his phone started ringing.  He pulled it out.  He gave a confused expression before turning to the group with an apologetic smile.  “Just a second.”  He stepped away to take the call, returning a moment later.  His expression had turned to a concerned one.  “Rachel, we have to go now.  That was Mrs. Greene, there’s something going on back home.”

“I can take you,” Lucius offered.

“The press conference will start in one minute if you will all make your way to the next room,” the Wayne Enterprises employee announced loudly.

Dick shook his head.  “No, you have to do the conference.  I can take them… If I can borrow your car.  I just have my bike.”

“No scratches, Mr. Grayson,” Lucius warned him playfully, holding up the keys for him.

Dick gave him a charming, devious smile.  “Understood.  I’ll pull it around while you change, Eddie.  And Lucius?”

“Yes Mr. Grayson?”

“Can you let Marinette know I was here and why I had to leave, please?” He asked softly.

“Gladly, Mr. Grayson.”  He gave him a supportive smile and turned to join the others.

<><><><><> 

Dick closed the door to his apartment slowly.  What the hell had he just witnessed?  Kora’s restaurant had been attacked and the police spent the entire time he was there accusing Eddie of trying to help his parents by doing it for the insurance money, even though the evidence was extremely clear it wasn’t an inside job and Eddie had an alibi.  The officers then got mad at Dick when he started taking pictures to give some additional documentation of the incident for Kora to submit with her insurance claim.  One officer threatened to arrest him if he continued to interfere with their investigation.  What the hell was going on?

“Hey Daddy Dearest.  Heard you were back in town.  Missed you at the show,” Stephanie called to him from her perch on the kitchen counter.

“I was there,” Dick grumbled.  It had been a long day and he needed to figure a few things out, preferably alone.  “Sat with the family and everything.  Your dress was amazing.”

“I know.  You didn’t say hi to Marinette,” she observed a little too casually.

“I didn’t want to ruin her big moment.  I was waiting until after, but then I had to take Rachel and Eddie home.  Someone attacked the restaurant.  Then there was a whole… the police were trying to pin it on Eddie,” he explained, incredulity sneaking into his tone.

She quirked her head to the side considering his words. Finally, she gave a resolute nod. “We can investigate then. Probably a mob hit or a cop.”

Dick sighed dejectedly.  “Are they really that corrupt?”  He already knew the answer but he was hoping maybe she might have some words of insight or hope.

Instead, she started laughing.  No words of hope then.  “Duh!  Where have you been?  Yeah,” she tried to settle herself but the laughter escaped again for another few minutes. When she was finally able to control her laughter at his obliviousness, she turned her expression to more contemplative.  “So, you’re going to talk to Marinette?”

“Yeah.  See if I can fix this.  If it even can be fixed.”  He scrubbed his face with his hands again.  “I’m not so sure anymore.  Maybe I’ve broken it beyond repair.  Now that the mission is over, I can finally focus on her.”

Stephanie let out a long breath through her nose. “So… the mission’s over?”

“The mission is over,” he repeated, the relief he felt evident in his voice and body.  As soon as he said the words his body relaxed and he slumped against the counter.

“When does the next one start?” she asked innocently.

He scrunched his face in confusion.  Was there something going on he hadn’t heard about? “What next one?”

She rolled her eyes and let out a long suffering, exasperated sigh.  “There is always a next one, Dick.  There’s always another mission that demands your attention and takes you away for indefinite amounts of time.  As long as you’re the leader of the Titans, that’s not going to change.  So how long are you going to stay this time?”

“I’m…” he started.  She was right.  Even after the twins were born, there would be a next mission, a next trip he would have to go on and he would miss them growing up while he was in some shady motel or safe house on the other side of the planet.  Was that what he wanted?

She jumped down off of the counter.  “You think about it.  I just stopped by to drop off a present from Lucius.  I left it on your couch, although if you felt willing to part with it later, it’d make a great present for your sister.”  She pulled him into a tight hug.  “Bye, Dick.”

Dick nodded absentmindedly to her.  “Yeah, bye, Steph.”  His mind was already working on something else.  How long of a break was he going to take?  Would he be able to take a break?  Or was something else going to come up?  He stared absently at the counter.  What was it she said?  90% of parenting is just being there?  And he wasn’t.  He couldn’t. And he had been miserable the past few months.  Every time he’d had to leave for the Titans, he’d been miserable.  

She stopped in the doorway and turned back to him.  “For what it’s worth, she still loves you. She’s hurt and confused and scared and mad, justifiably, but she loved you and that hasn’t gone away.  I don’t know if you can fix it.  It depends on your priorities and your actions.  Something will have to change.  And if not… you know, sometimes people just work out better as friends.”  She gave him a wan smile and left.

He groaned in frustration and went to collapse on the couch so he could better wallow in his misery.  He was the worst human on the planet.  He picked up one of the pillows to cover his face.  Maybe if he was lucky, Lucius had created a special Wayne Enterprises suffocation material and this pillow was made out of it so he would be put out of his misery.  After a few seconds of still being able to breathe, he groaned.  Nothing was going his way.  He took the pillow off his face and tucked it behind his head, catching on something.  He reached back and grabbed it to get a look at it.

He sat up to examine it.  It was Stephanie’s dress.  Dick huffed out a laugh at the incredibly unsubtle hint.  It was the dress that almost didn’t make it into the show, the show that almost didn’t happen because Lucius had been too focused on other things, too focused on protecting Marinette to truly consider her.  Fucking fuck!  Lucius was right and Dick hadn’t seen it.  He was so scared to lose Marinette, he pushed her away.  Jason had been right and he hadn’t seen it.

He needed to fix it now, before he lost her forever. If she had sent the ticket, it meant she wasn’t gone yet.  She was still willing to try, if not for a relationship, at least as friends.  But Stephanie was right, there would always be another mission.  Was he willing to miss his kids developing and growing like he had so far?  The short answer was no.  He wasn’t willing to keep missing their lives.  He couldn’t be the full time Titans leader, and a full time vigilante, and a full time father.  Something needed to give and it couldn’t be his family.

He could step back being a vigilante, only patrol occasionally or when something big happened and he could step away from the Titans, Donna could lead better than him anyway.  That would keep him in Gotham full time, but he needed to figure out a job, one that allowed him to stay local and still protect people.  He did not want to give that up if he could help it. He’d spent the last more than a decade fighting villains and corruption.  He didn’t want to stop now.

He picked up his phone and tapped it against his lips absentmindedly for a few minutes.  Finally he gave a determined nod and sent Marinette a text.  ‘The show was amazing.  Can we talk tomorrow?  I want to tell you everything.’  That sent, he scrolled through his contacts until he found the one he wanted.  After a few rings, a disgruntled voice answered.  “What do you want, Grayson?”

“Commissioner Gordon?  I wanted to talk to you about my future.  Can I come over?”

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