#like yes starstruck ended nearly two years ago

[churchandstateofbeing]

sometimes love is watching someone lose all of the money your boss gave you for chefs tools at a casino and then immediately volunteering to lose a bunch of your own items in exactly the same way just because he’s convinced you that it’s a good idea

[loveelle]

Winners and Losers

Luke Patterson x Reader

Request by Anon: Luke x reader?? Two rival singers make a bet “who can get the other to fall in love first” by acting like a couple... too bad they realize there both in too deep.

A/N: Thank you for your request! I hope I did alright with it? I kind of strayed a little at some parts, but then I remembered that I had a request to write and brought it back, so I hope you enjoy. Please send me more requests and some feedback?

WC: 4K

---

“Y/N!”

You jolted in your seat, spilling your cereal all down the front of your shirt as you sat up alert. “What?!” you groaned, pulling your now soaked shirt away from your body. Alex walked closer to you as he laughed, clutching his stomach. You glared at him. “You’re not funny Alex.” Grumbling, you picked up your now empty cereal bowl, frowning at the mess of your favorite cereal now spilled on the floor. “We live here together. You’re cleaning that up.”

Alex scoffed. “No, I’m not.” He smirked, falling on the couch and hugging your pillow. With a sigh you retreated to the kitchen, putting away your dishes and grabbing the cleaning supplies. You ignored Alex as you cleaned up.

“What do you want?”

“Why aren’t you ready?” he asked and your expressions turned quizzical.

“Ready for what?” you asked him, moving towards your room as he followed, keeping on your heels and arriving at your closet before you could.

Alex groaned, grabbing your favorite top off a hanger and tossing it at you. It hit your face as you pulled it away, trying to throw him a glare but he was already turning around, leaning his head against the wall for you to change in peace. “You promised you’d come to see me perform tonight, remember?”

“Crap.” You whispered out, pulling your wet shirt off and putting on the new one. “I mean, I totally remembered.” You told Alex, tapping his shoulder. He rolled his eyes at you and turned around to lean back on the wall. “Give me 5 minutes and I’ll be out.”

“You got it.” He said, leaving you to grab all the things for tonight. Alex had invited you almost a week ago to watch him perform at the Hollywood Ghost Club, a new gig he got thanks to his boyfriend. You were excited for him, knowing how much this opportunity meant to your best friend. As soon as you were done getting your things you walked back out to the living room, seeing Alex flipping through the channels on the TV. “Finally!” he huffed out, pretending to be more upset than he actually was. You faked a smile at him, locking your arms as you left your house.

“Hotdog!” Willie yelled as Alex and you walked into the club. He was talking to the club owner as Alex waved at him, a small blush on his cheeks and you elbowed him playfully in the side. Willie jogged your way, giving Alex a hug and you let them have their moment, glancing around the club. “Hey Y/N.” Willie said, giving you a much shorter hug than he gave Alex.

“This place is awesome, Willie.”

“I forgot this is your first time here, I’m glad you could come.”

“I couldn’t pass up on the chance to see this guy perform.” You offered Alex a smile but he was busy looking at Willie and Willie at him. You took that as your moment to leave. “Well, I’ll leave you in capable hands.” You patted Alex’s back, pushing him towards Willie as you ducked out of there, looking about the tables.

There were quite a few that were already full, couples and friends sharing conversations as you walked past. You were about to take an empty table before your eyes landed on a particular one in the front where a pair of boys sat and you smirked to yourself, walking slowly their way.

“Is this where the talent sits?” you broke the already made conversation as you slid into the empty chair. Luke and Reggie’s head snapped your way, Reggie with a grin and Luke whose face fell when he saw you.

“What are you doing here, Y/N?” He asked, crossing his arms in front of him.

You smiled at him and gestured to his sleeves. “I see we’re still going with the sleeveless look?” you joked, earning a small laugh out of Reggie who quieted after the look Luke sent him. “Come on Patterson, you know I wouldn’t miss Alex performing.”

“I meant here, at our table.”

“Oh!” you clapped your hands together, picking up a menu that was laying in front of you. “Well, that’s just for fun.” You smirked, avoiding looking at him.

Luke and you had an interesting relationship. You both have known each other for years, not nearly as long as you knew Alex but still a long time. You two considered yourselves rivals, two different artists signed with two different labels. Most people wouldn’t have such a competitive relationship, but you couldn’t help admit it was quite fun knowing you could get under Luke’s skin like no one else. You prided yourself on it.

Luke and Reggie continued their conversation, talking about the club as Reggie let you joined in. The conversation started normal, but it soon turned to Luke and you smart mouthing each other as Reggie watched on amused.

“You two are crazy.” Reggie murmured under his breath and laughed. You and Luke stopped your argument, looking at Reggie who was busying eating.

“We’re not crazy.” You countered.

Reggie met your gaze, quirking a brow at you. “Oh yeah, sure you’re not.” He agreed. Your jaw fell and you shared a look at Luke, seeing him in the same state. “I don’t know how you two do it, but you’re only ever crazy with each other.”

You didn’t have a counter for him this time, neither did Luke because the truth was Reggie’s right. You were only like that with Luke, you couldn’t explain it.

Luckily you didn’t have to because Caleb Covington, the club owner, walked on stage with his showgirls. You sighed, crossing your arms and falling back into your chair as you listened to Caleb talk. Alex, as well as the rest of the musicians, took the stage. He shot you a look, seeing you with Luke and Reggie but you just smiled at him and watched as the show began.

Alex was killing it, just like he always did as you cheered him on nodding your head along and singing under breath to Caleb’s song. You turned your head, prepared to see Reggie and Luke enjoying the music as well but when you looked at Luke you quickly noticed he was rather distracted by one of the dancers who made their way into the audience.

You laughed, pulling his attention off the girl and onto you as he clenched his jaw and let his brows furrow. “What’s up with you?” he asked as you shrugged.

“Nothing.” You turned back to Alex with a smile on your face. Luke scoffed, obviously not believing you as he scooted closer to hear you.

“No, tell me.”

You bit your lip, looking back at him in amusement. “Your friend is on stage playing the drums and you’re looking at the girls?” you quipped. Luke stuttered as he took in what you were saying, getting defensive as you laughed again. “It’s okay Luke, I get it.”

“Get what?” You looked at him for a minute, watching him squirm under your gaze as you slowly smiled. “I don’t like that look.” He groaned out, narrowing his eyes as you leaned forwards on the table, coming close to him and putting your hand under your chin.

“You gonna talk to her afterward? Work that,” you gestured your hand towards his face, “Luke charm of yours?”

He pushed your hand out of his face, holding it against the table as he sat forward as well. “What Luke charm would that be?”

Letting out a chuckle you looked around the room, seeing several people looking at the two of you with starstruck expressions. “Come on Patterson, you’re not oblivious. You’re famous, girls swoon at the sight of you.” Luke glanced down to the table, at your hands still technically touching as he hid a smile. “If you asked that girl on a date, she’d say yes.”

He met your eyes again, a small glint in his as you pulled your hand away slowly. “What makes you think I want to ask her out?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“She’s not my type.”

“You have a type?” your cocky remark was met with an eye roll as Luke couldn’t stop smiling.

“Do you?” He countered and you shook your head.

“Since when we’re we talking about me?”

Luke shrugged, taking a sip of the drink in front of him and avoiding looking at you. “We weren’t, but at least the girl would fall in love with me.” He knew he was most likely wrong, but the satisfaction the sentence brought him made up for it.

However, the laugh you let out and the way you threw your head back made him narrow his eyes. “Oh please.”

“You don’t think I could?”

“I wouldn’t subject that poor girl to that torture.”

“Fine, but I bet I could make you fall in love with me.” The air left your lungs at his words. You didn’t have a response to that, no comeback or remark.

If you had to guess, you probably looked like the physical embodiment of a loading screen. “W-what?”

“I bet I could make you fall in love with me.” He repeated as if it was the simplest idea ever.

You looked to Reggie, seeing him no longer paying attention to the show but of you and Luke. Your eyes widened slightly at him, asking him silently for any idea what to do but he put his hands up, not letting himself get involved.

You cleared your throat. “And why would I subject myself to that torture?” you took a sip of your drink quickly, hoping it can calm the sudden bout of nerves hitting you.

It was Luke’s turn to laugh. “Well, how about an actual bet? Whoever can get the other to fall in love first wins.”

Reggie who was still fascinated by the event unfolding in front of him choked on his drink. You both looked at him, Luke patting his back as you tried to focus on helping him but you could get Luke’s deal out of your head. You didn’t know why he offered the bet, but you weren’t the type of person to turn one down.

The music in the club ended as the three of you were brought back to the real reason you were here tonight, Alex. He stood up, holding his drumsticks in the air as he smiled brightly. You cheered for him, clapping and hooting as Luke and Reggie did the same. As Alex began leaving the stage, you turned to Luke and stuck out your hand.

“You’re on.”

---

“You did what?” Alex’s voice boomed from your living room as you grabbed two bottles of water from the kitchen, heading back to him.

“It’s just a bet, Alex. Nothing to get worried about.” You tossed him the bottle. Alex shook his head at you, shocked you’d even take Luke up on something like this.

“What do you get out of it?” You took a sip of your water, trying to think.

“I don’t know, the knowledge that I win?” He glared at you, unimpressed with your answer. “I don’t know, Alex!” your laugh was defensive and you knew it.

“What if,” Alex began and turned his body to face you, “What if you agreed to this because you possibly might have feelings for Luke?” You blinked several times and stared at him, trying to piece how he managed to get there. Leaning forward you pressed the back of your hand against his forehead. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to see if you have a fever because I think you might be delusional.” He rolled his eyes, pushing his hand out of his face, and stood up.

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, so am I. Are you feeling okay?” Alex threw his arms in the air and started pacing, something you’ve learned in the years living with him that he wasn’t going to stop any time soon. You settled into the couch, pulling out your phone and starting to scroll through Instagram before you saw a notification pop up.

@LukePatterson tagged you in a photo

“What the?” you muttered and clicked on the notification. Alex moved behind you to look as you saw a photo of you tonight smiling and in the caption was a heart. “What is he doing?” you whispered and Alex was behind you laughing, having to leave the room from laughing so hard.

You pulled up Luke’s contact immediately and pressed call. It rang twice before he picked up. “Hello there.”

“What was that post?”

You could hear him laugh through the call. “Part one of making you fall in love with me. Figured it would probably be a good idea to be a couple, don’t you think?”

“Why didn’t you talk to me about that first? I mean Luke, I have a career to think about. You have a career to think about! You can’t just drop relationship announcements like that, especially if they’re not real!” You ran a hand through your hair letting out a little sigh at the end. Luke was silent and your stomach sank, you knew he was just trying to win the bet, not trying to put a dent in your careers. You both might be rivals in the public’s eyes, but Luke wouldn’t do that. “Besides,” you said to break the silence, “Posting a picture when I look like that is only going to make me fall in love with myself, Patterson.”

Luke laughed again and you felt calmer knowing he wasn’t cursing himself out in his head. “Touché Y/L/N.” he muttered and you barely heard it over the phone. “Hey, tomorrow be ready at noon.”

“What for?”

“Our date.” You expected more from him, an explanation or what this date entailed but all you heard was the call ending as you pulled the phone from your ear.

You had to admit, the smile that tugged your lips was hard to ignore but you did. Heading back to Instagram, you found yourself on Luke’s post again, leaving a like and a heart emoji in the comments before seeing lots of Luke’s fans had left comments.

Most of them were surprised by the pairing as they should be, a few of them thought it was a joke, and a couple comments sprinkled in believed it to be a career move and fake- a way to combine two of the hottest new singer-songwriters. You groaned at them but had to admit, they were kind of right. It wasn’t a career move, but it was 100% fake.

However, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the support you and Luke got, something you never thought you’d receive. It was overwhelming, to say the least. You turned your phone off, sitting in the silence of the living room before a text came through from Luke.

Goodnight ♥

You laughed to yourself as you realized goodnight and possibly good morning texts were going to be his move. Smart move Patterson.

You sent one back.

---

The constant sound of your alarm pulled you awake, much to your detest as you turned it off and yawned. It had been a week since you and Luke made that bet. 7 days of good morning and goodnight texts, some of which you had managed to send first, surprising Luke. You went on a couple of dates if you could call them that, to cafes, the beach, even a double date with Alex and Willie. Luke had been pulling out all the stops and you had to admit, you were impressed.

The only hard part about this week was you were in the middle of recording some songs and it had been non-stop in the recording studio all day, the last couple of days being the longest. Luke noticed, of course, seeing how you were extra tired texting and would just facetime him instead when you were making dinner. Neither of you knew what to talk about at the beginning of the week, but as time went on it became easier and more second nature.

You opened your door to a dark apartment as you got back from the studio today, much later than you were planning, but home nonetheless. “Alex?” you called out for your housemate only to see a note taped to the wall telling you he was spending the night with Willie. You sighed and dropped your bag on the floor when your phone rang.

You let out a whine, not wanting to deal with talking to anyone as you pulled it out. Luke’s name and picture lit up your phone as you hesitated a moment before answering the facetime call. “Wow, you look beat.” Luke said as soon as you answered.

You glared at him through the screen. “Thanks. That’s just what every girl wants to hear after a long day.”

He snickered at you but offered a sad smile as he laid back on his bed, resting his head on his bent arm. “You just get home?” he asked and you nodded, shrugging your coat off. “How’d it go?”

“Same as every other day, but we’re closer to finishing recording.”

Luke smiled again, watching you through the phone screen as you put away all your things. “What are your plans tonight?” he asked and you shrugged.

“Eh, probably watch a movie and fall asleep while watching said movie.”

“Alex going to join you?”

You shook your head and propped your phone up in the kitchen. “He’s at Willie’s for the night.” Luke went silent as you moved to grab a cup and fill it up with water. You glanced back to him, seeing him thinking and looking off-camera. “Luke?”

“Give me 15 minutes.” He said before ending the call. You stood there confused, staring at the black screen of your phone.

“Okay then.” You muttered to yourself, pocketing your phone and getting ready for your solo movie night. You changed into your pajamas and curled up in your blanket on the couch, flipping through your movie choices as someone knocked on your door.

You furrowed your brows, trying to figure out who would come over this late and the only person you could think of was Alex. Your feet padded against the ground softly as you approached the door. “Did you forget your key again? I’d thought you’d be gone the rest of the night.” You called through the door as you unlocked it, pulling it open to be met with a smiling Luke.

“Not Alex.” He said and pushed past you.

“Come in, I guess.” you joked as you turned around, seeing him jumping over your couch to lay on it. “What are you doing here, Luke?”

He grinned up at you. “It’s date night.” You put your hands on your hips, pursing your lips at him. “So, what are we watching?” You relented, falling back on your spot as Luke controlled the remote, flipping through the movies until he found one that interested both of you.

It started playing as you cuddled into your blanket, throwing a glance to look at Luke whose arm was draped over the side of the couch. You kept staring at him as an idea popped into your head. Scooting closer to him, you settled into his side and covered both of you with the blanket. Luke glanced down at you, freezing at your contact before relaxing and pulling you closer. He tried to focus on the movie again, but he couldn’t stop looking at you. The side of your face was illuminated with TV light and every few seconds he saw the hint of a smile on your face as something funny happens on screen. Realizing he was smiling himself at the sight of you, he put his eyes on the screen and refused to look away, not even when he felt you fall asleep on him.

You woke up hours later to warmth underneath you, an arm around your waist pulling you close as your eyes widened. Carefully, you turned your head to see Luke asleep with his head resting on the couch. He looked comfy and he felt soft and you couldn’t help but admit that the sight caused your heart to flutter. You hated yourself for it, but you shifted and buried yourself in Luke’s side, falling asleep again in his comfort.

---

Things seemed to escalate from that night Luke accidentally spent at yours. You began to rely on him more, spending most of your nights now watching movies and cuddling on the couch. The next morning however you’d always curse yourself out, remembering that this all started as a bet of who could fall in love and you would rather give up your music career than admit you were losing this bet. It had been a month. A month of Luke and you trying to make each other fall in love as well as convincing the public you were dating.

The public however seemed to love it. Reggie took it upon himself to post on your or Luke’s Instagram any time he caught you both being overly couple-y. You wouldn’t tell anyone, but any time he did you’d watch the videos he’d post over and over again, thinking what if it was real.

You didn’t know Luke was going through the same dilemma. After the night you fell asleep on him, he couldn’t stop thinking about you and he didn’t want to admit it either, but he was starting to think he might actually lose this bet.

The two of you were supposed to have what you considered your millionth date today at the Hollywood Ghost Club, right where it all started. Alex was playing again, as well as Julie, who you hadn’t seen in forever.

Luke and you showed up together, seeing a lot of fans taking your photos as you smiled at each other, never quite used to the attention. Sitting at the same table as the first day you were here, you sat closer to Luke, giving room for Reggie, Flynn, and Nick to join you. You all chatted like old friends, hating the fact that it had been so long since you spoke with everyone’s busy schedule. Not even noticing Luke’s arm draped over your shoulder, you were mid-conversation with Flynn as Caleb begun.

Cheers went through the crowd as the music started and you watched your friends perform. You were enjoying the show before your eyes caught sight of blue feathers moving in the audience, making you turn your head to see none other than the same girl Luke had been looking at before the bet was made. Your stomach dropped as your stare snapped back to the stage, trying not to let yourself overthink. Luke’s arm felt heavy on your shoulders as you slowly looked over to him. His eyes, however, were already on you.

The music in the club seemed to fade in your ears as Luke held your gaze. It was at that moment that Luke realized something he should’ve long ago. “I lost.” His eyes flickered down to your lips as you gasped, not expecting Luke’s declaration. Luke grew worried as you stayed silent. You licked your lips, trying to figure out what to say. He let out a shaky breath, pulling his arm off your shoulders. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said-“

“I lost too.” You cut him off before cupping his check and pressing your lips to his. Luke kissed back immediately, his eyes closing and his hands pulling you closer. You melted against him and your heart was beating fast as your free hand tangled in his hair before you pulled back.

With your eyes looking into each other’s, your cheeks heated up as the crowd started clapping at the performances end. You laughed at yourself, avoiding the smirking looks of your friends when you cheered for Alex and Julie who despite being on stage, didn’t miss your kiss.

The cheering died down as you leaned into Luke’s side, seeing Reggie look pleased with the both of you. “So I take it you both lost.” He asked, tugging on his leather jacket out of amusement.

You and Luke shared a look before he addressed Reggie. “I’m dating her.” He said and your smile returned. “I think I win.”

.

.

.

.

[storiesforallfandoms]

first show ~ aaron tveit

word count: 1756

request?: yes!

“I'll take anything Aaron Tveit. (There are not enough fics out there lol)”

description: after years of practice and studying, she gets casted in her first big broadway show, and finds herself falling for her leading man

pairing: aaron tveit x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

I gasped as the costume person pulled out the beautiful black dress I was meant to wear for our run through of Come What May. I couldn’t get over how beautiful my costumes were. I almost felt like I was undeserving of them. I was fresh out of college and already cast in my first big Broadway musical. If this was a dream, I didn’t want to ever wake up.

“You don’t have long to get dressed,” the costume person reminded me. “The dress rehearsal for Come What May is in 10. Although I’d love to see you staring at all your costumes in amazement.”

“I’ll do that after dress rehearsal,” I joked.

I took the black dress and quickly changed into it, longing to look at myself in the mirror but knowing I had no time. With my hair and makeup already finished, I rushed to the stage. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one running a bit late as my co-star was yet to arrive once I took my place.

“There’s our Satine!” the director proclaimed as I stood on stage. “Welcome to the stage, dear. How do you feel?”

“Nervous,” I admitted. “But I look damn good for a nervous girl.”

The director chuckled. “Our Christian should be here soon.”

“He’s here!”

I tried not to seem as starstruck as I felt at the sound of my co-star’s voice. Aaron joined me on stage, dressed in his Christian costume. I had to try my best not to fangirl over him. He was basically Broadway royalty, and I was acting with him in my first show! I had to remind myself how to breathe.

I smiled slightly at him. “Nice to meet you. I’m (Y/N).”

“Nice to meet you, too, (Y/N). I’m Aaron.”

I had to stop myself from responded with I know as I shook his hand.

“While I’d love for you two to get to know one another, I’d like to run Come What May first,” the director told us. “It’s one of the biggest songs in the musical, and the one with the most chemistry. So, we need to nail this song before we can nail the entire musical.”

Aaron and I nodded and took our places for the song. The band started playing the song and I felt my nerves growing. I tried to focus just on Aaron, but that made me even more nervous.

“Never knew I could feel like this Like I’ve never seen the sky before Want to vanish inside your kiss Every day I love you more and more”

No shock that his voice sounded perfect. I already knew this, I had seen the show on its opening night years before. But it was different to hear the voice up close, too have him singing directly to me. It made my heart flutter and I almost forgot my cues.

“Come what may Come what may I will love you until my dying day”

For a moment I feared my voice wouldn’t work, but when I opened my mouth the words came out effortlessly.

“Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace”

I tried not to break character as pride swelled within me at the look on Aaron’s face. I could only describe it as a look of astonishment, as if my voice shocked him, and that made me so proud.

My heart spiked as Aaron took my hands and we sang together

“Storm clouds my gather And stars may collide But I love you (I love you) Until the end of time”

The music swelled as we reached the end of the song, our voices mixing together perfectly as we held the last line. I looked into Aaron’s perfectly blue eyes, glad that the song had ended because he had taken my breath away.

I had forgotten all about the small audience of crew members and our director until he spoke. “That was great! But can we take it from that last chorus and can you guys end the song with the kiss?”

“O-Oh,” I stuttered, still trying to recover from the song. “Y-You want to do the kiss now?”

“It’s better to get the first one out of the way now to get past any initial awkwardness.”

“Are you okay with that?” Aaron asked me, concern on his face.

I nodded. “Yeah. He has a point, we will be kissing almost every night. We should get used to it now.”

The director motioned to the band and they began playing from the last chorus again.

“Come what may Come what may I will love you until my dying day”

I looked into Aaron’s eyes, the only thing keeping me calm in that moment. One of his hands reached up to gently cup my face, bringing me closer to him. The distance between us was small, but it felt like I was waiting for his lips to touch mine forever.

When they finally did, it felt as though something had exploded inside of me. My whole body felt warm and fuzzy, and my stomach felt like it was full of butterflies. I couldn’t stop myself from putting a hand behind his neck, wanting to keep his lips on mine for a long time.

We were forced to pull away when the director began to clap, completely taking us out of the moment.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” he exclaimed. “That was brilliant! See? Now there’ll be no awkwardness when we run that scene from now on.”

I wouldn’t say that, I thought, glancing over at Aaron. I wondered if he had felt what I did, or if it was just another stage kiss for him. If he felt the latter, it would definitely be very awkward for me.

“Okay, you two take five and then (Y/N), I want you ready for your entrance medley.”

The crew continued on about their work while the director turned his attention to his assistant and began talking about the technical stuff having to do with the show. Aaron and I awkwardly stood on stage together for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

“I guess I should go get ready for my entrance rehearsal,” I said, trying my best to look at Aaron. How the hell did two actors who weren’t already in relationships kiss on stage and not fall in love?

“I’ll walk you to your dressing room,” Aaron offered. “We can get to know one another.”

I smiled at this and the two of us exited the stage together.

“So,” Aaron started, “there’s a rumor on the streets that this is your first ever show.”

I nodded. “Yeah, it is. I’m actually not long out of college. I graduated maybe a month ago? Top of my classes because I was always an overachiever, and most of my teacher’s favorites. Actually, it was one of my teachers that got me this audition. She knows the director and when it was announced that Karen Olivo was leaving the show, she urged me to audition.”

“Looks like it worked out in your favor.”

“Yeah, somehow,” I said with a slight laugh. “I’m sure there were dozens of better, more experienced girls who auditioned. My teacher must’ve slipped the director a bribe or something to get me this role.”

“Or, and hear me out on this one, you were actually that good and got the role on your own.”

I shook my head. “No way. That’s nearly impossible.”

“Nearly being the keyword. Newbies gotta start somehow or else Broadway shows would never have a cast.”

“Yeah, but most newbies start as a part of the ensemble or the company, then make their way to very minor character, then less than minor character, and then, if they’re lucky, they become main characters. It’s not as easy as auditioning fresh out of school and getting the role right away.”

Aaron shrugged. “I don’t know, I think it’s that easy for some people. You have a fantastic voice, definitely a voice worth of a Satine and not just an ensemble girl.”

I smiled up at Aaron. “I appreciate the compliment, and the confidence you have in me. I hope I don’t let any of you guys down.”

“I don’t think you will. I think you’re going to be amazing. You’ll probably steal the show from me.”

I laughed at this. There was absolutely no way that I, a newbie, could possibly steal the show from a Broadway vet like Aaron Tveit.

I was sad when we reached my dressing room, although I knew it wasn’t that far of a walk from the stage. I wanted to talk to Aaron for longer, to have more time alone with him. But we were trying to prepare a show, and that meant that eventually I had to give up my time with him in order to rehearse.

Both of us paused outside of my dressing room. It was almost like we were waiting for the other to leave first. I glanced at the clock in my dressing room and sighed upon seeing the time.

“I have about two more minutes to get into my costume for my entrance medley and to get back to the stage. So, I guess this is where we say goodbye.”

“Well, only for now. I’ll be in the audience watching you absolutely destroy that medley, and then we have basically the entire play together that we have to rehearse,” he told me. “But, if you’re not too tired after rehearsal, I’d love to maybe go out and grab a drink with you. If you’d be interested in doing that, that is.”

Now was when my voice stopped working. I could barley believe that this was actually happening. Too many amazing things going on the one time, I was sure I was dreaming. I had to slip my hands behind my back to pinch myself, and I had to suppress a yelp as I realized I was very much awake.

“Yeah,” I finally managed. “I’d love to.”

Aaron’s smile was as wide as a child on Christmas morning. “Okay! Well, I won’t distract you any longer. Break a leg out there.”

I watched after him as he went back in the direction of the stage before hurrying into my dressing room to prepare for my next scene. The entire time I had a smile on my face so wide that my cheeks were starting to hurt.

I guess dreams really do come true.

[cinnaminsvga]

Let the Dead Weep | Jimin

→ summary: jimin falls in love the only way he knows how: catastrophically. your heart ends up as collateral damage.

→ genre: royal guard!jimin, princess!reader, angst → warnings: jimin is cold-hearted but only because he’s afraid, jungkook tries his Best to pick up the pieces, heart ache city babey! → words: 5.6K → a/n: this was commissioned by the wonderful @kookiebunnii​!! thanks again for giving me the freedom to write my own wips (this is admittedly Very old... so old that i almost forgot this existed in my drafts lol) i hope you like it bc this one is prime zee angst propaganda... sorry jimin but i had to do it to ya (again)

The sound of clicking heels is an unusual occurrence at the royal training grounds. Accustomed to the cacophony of grunting men and clashing swords, Prince Jungkook does not immediately notice that something (or rather, someone) is out of place.

“Your defenses are down.” Jungkook thrusts his sword forward, disarming his sparring partner in one smooth motion. Surprised, his partner yelps as his sword clatters to the ground, his now empty hands raised awkwardly in befuddlement. But his shock does not last long, as his previously occupied gaze returns to where it was, his jaw agape as he continues to stare somewhere just outside the courtyard.

When Jungkook turns his head to the source, he finally understands why he had so easily defeated his distracted opponent.

Your bright white summer dress stands out starkly against the dreary autumn scenery, your skirt bunched up to your knees to avoid tripping over yourself. It seems as though the world has gone still from shock, every man in the vicinity holding their breaths at their first glimpse of the princess from up close. Even from where he stands, Jungkook can see the sweat flowing freely from your temples as you rush towards them, your chest heaving as you dash past dozens of starstruck onlookers towards your destination.

You don’t even spare Jungkook a glance when you pass by him, your eyes trained somewhere behind him as though nothing (or rather, no one) else in the courtyard matters. “Jimin!” you call out, nearly collapsing onto the man you had been looking for as you fail to stop your momentum in time. Luckily, the head of the royal guard catches you effortlessly, his hand previously resting on the hilt of his sword jumping up to find its place on your waist to steady you.

Jungkook watches as Jimin’s gaze sweeps through the sea of heads before landing on him. The guard’s posture stiffens, jaw clenching as the two men size each other up. Eventually, Jimin drops his hand from your waist as if he’d been burned, taking an inconspicuous step back to regain some sort of respectable distance.

Jimin clears his throat, his expression as stern as ever. It only takes a single glare from him for the excited whispers to die in a second. “Well? Did I tell you to stop? Take your positions,” he growls. In an instant, the men around Jungkook rise back to action, the sound of metal hitting metal echoing loudly once more.

“Your Highness? Shall we continue?” The boy he had been sparring with speaks out hesitantly, breaking Jungkook’s trance. Jungkook blinks slowly in confusion, before remembering where he was and what he was doing. He takes one last glance at Jimin’s and your retreating forms, only managing to glimpse the trail of your skirt as Jimin quickly drags you away from prying eyes.

“Your Highness?” the boy repeats, more nervously this time. Jungkook fixes a smile on his face before turning to face him, gently patting the young boy on the shoulder with the ease and charisma only a prince could manage.

“Yes, let’s continue. On your guard,” Jungkook warns, poising his sword forward before taking the first strike.

x x x x x

Jimin drags you away to the nearby armory, causing a domino of shields to topple down in his haste to open the door. He shuts it closed, not bothering to find a light as he pulls you deeper into the large shed. Only the small window by the roof sheds any light for them to see, but it’s enough for you to see the barely concealed annoyance set in Jimin’s eyes.

“What the hell were you thinking? That was highly inappropriate for a princess,” he growls, lips downturned in a frown. He might be well-known amongst his men as a stern and unforgiving captain, but he has never been gruff with you. In any other scenario, you might have been shocked at his sudden change of face, but the news that you just heard from your father is still ringing loudly in your ears, distracting you from anything else.

“What am I thinking? I should be asking you that! How is it that despite being the princess of this damn kingdom, I am still the last to know anything around here?” you shriek, ignoring Jimin’s silent pleas for you to quiet down. No, you are done being quiet; if you had to choose a moment to you would throw away all etiquette classes out the window, it would be now.

Jimin heaves a sigh, rubbing his temples. “Your Highness—”

“Don’t call me that,” you hiss, interrupting him. You hold up a finger when he makes a move to argue. “No, you answer my questions, first and foremost. Why did I only find out from my father just now that you volunteered to get stationed at the border?” You can feel your face heating up from the frustration and betrayal you feel; blood rushes up to your head and leaves you feeling dizzy, but you refuse to stop until he budges.

You’re breathing heavily, speaking so quickly that you doubt you’re making any sense right now. “The king requested for volunteers to fill the station guard units over a month ago. We’ve met and seen each other multiple times since then, and yet here we are,” you spit out, jabbing a nail into his chest. He barely budges, only keeping his head lowered. “Huh? Why on earth would you keep this from me? Answer me, Park Jimin!”

Jimin grimaces, his face contorting as if he’s in pain. He does not make a move to reply, only continues to avoid your fierce gaze. But even from where you stand under this dim light, you can tell from his expression that he isn’t guilty—just forlorn. Heartbroken, even.

You swallow thickly, blinking rapidly to keep your angry tears at bay, but your voice still cracks when you ask, “Why won’t you say anything?”

Finally, he looks at you. “What else is there to say?” He sounds as defeated as you feel.

And yet, you’re flabbergasted. You’re angry, tired, and hysterical—but above all else, you’re hurt. It feels as though a massive rock has dropped in your stomach, crashing waves against your chest like fire licking at your bones. The heavy feeling that has been weighing on you finally has a name, as you have been fighting to ignore what it was for ages now. Deep down, you know that this is inevitable, but somewhere inside you still resides the six-year-old child entrenched in her happy fairy tales, the same girl who believes that good things will always happen to good people.

You hoped that you would have at least deserved a warning. Preparation before this mirage disappeared forever. But Jimin had always been the type to rip the bandage and muscle through the pain, so you shouldn’t have been surprised at all. You just hoped that the two of you would still have more time.

A naive thing to desire, as Park Jimin was never yours to call your own.

You’re struggling to find the words to speak, anything to convince him to stay, even if you know it is not your place. He can see you grappling for straws, and perhaps it is out of pity or self-preservation, but he does not mention it. He does not say anything about you at all.

Eventually, he speaks. “I am… I have to...” He hesitates for a moment, taking one short glance at you before staring at the door. His hand grips the hilt of his sword tightly, though you know it is not because he itches to wield it, but for his ease of mind. You have learned, after years of growing up with him, that his only comfort comes from his own strength, his own ability to control his fate.

“Unfortunately, I must leave for now, Your Highness. Let us speak about this later before my subordinates begin to wonder.” There is a heaviness in his tone when he says that, like it is disgraceful for you to be seen with him. It reignites the fire in your veins once more, and you reflexively reach out to grab his retreating shoulder before the shed is suddenly bathed in light.

“Princess Y/N? Are you alright?” Prince Jungkook stands by the entrance of the armory, sweaty hair matted to his skin from his morning practice routine. For a moment, you almost hate the way he had sounded so… well-meaning, even though he had done nothing wrong to spite you. In fact, Jeon Jungkook has always been the perfect filial son, someone any royal family would be proud of.

And unfortunately for you, that was quite possibly the only reason you were betrothed to him in the first place.

You see him eye the pair of you curiously, his gaze gradually coming to a stop where your hand still rests against Jimin’s shoulder. You retract it immediately as if burned. You clear your throat, curtsying respectfully to him. “I am fine, Prince Jungkook. I am sorry for the scene I caused. I hope I did not interrupt your daily practice,” you say carefully, folding your hands in front of you.

Jungkook nods silently, his expression giving nothing away. Feeling awkward under his scrutiny, you curtsy to him once more. You shuffle away from Jimin without sparing him another glance, but you feel his gaze trained on your back like a brand. You wait for Jungkook to allow you to pass him before scuttling away, the ends of your dress dragging across the dirt path as you rush back towards the castle.

Stupid of you.

Jimin had been right, like always. News spreads fast within these ancient walls, and the chatterings about your emotional display are sure to reach your father’s ears one way or another. You doubt he’d be surprised by it; it’s no secret that your affections have always lied heavily on the royal guardsman. As long as you kept your secret rendezvous a secret, the King is more than happy to turn a blind eye. A reward, perhaps, for keeping your side of the deal.

Except that side of the deal hadn’t meant to arrive until your older brother had been wed, right after his search for his queen consort had been completed. But Jungkook’s family had been adamant to move things along, most likely due to their desperation to form an alliance with your prominent kingdom. As the seventh son, Jungkook hardly had any use for them in their household other than being goods for barter, and in any other case, you might have felt bad for him.

The guilt feels like a dagger pressing itself against your throat, and yet, you do not have the courage to fight against it. You sigh, defeated, as you stay reclused in your bedroom, waiting for Jimin to join you.

You don’t join your family for lunch that afternoon: a bigger mistake on your part, as it probably incriminates you further. Even worse still, Jungkook and his escorts are guests at the palace, and your absence doesn’t look good for your reputation. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to care that day, only offering weak excuses about a headache to appease them.

To your surprise, Jungkook had vouched for you, according to your handmaiden. When you asked what he said, they said he had mentioned something about your pensiveness from this morning. You scoff, wondering if he must be covering your mistake for the sake of your future together.

The sun makes its way across the horizon and still no signs of Jimin visiting your quarters. You pace your room for so long that you fear leaving the carpet threadbare, your restlessness causing spikes of fear to trickle down your spine. Your entire body tingles with the need to do something, anything. Just to feel as though you still have some control, some sense of sanity.

By your dresser, your untouched violin sits, waiting forlornly for your hands to caress it once more. It is a gift from your mother for your birthday, though you have scarcely used it since then. You have always been talented with the violin, but the need to play it had died down once your days had been occupied with a different type of music—the sort of melodies that you could not pull from strings or brass.

You pluck the violin from its stand, the polished wood still smelling of varnish when you place it by your neck. You begin to play a piece from memory—a song that your tutor had once drilled into your head until your hands could move on their own. Even still, you love the piece with all your heart; the melancholy and longing of the notes resonate deeply within you.

You know that what you are doing is cruel, both to yourself and to him. With your window wide open, you are sure that the wind can carry your music to the royal offices, where Jimin is sure to hear it. Anyone would be able to tell that it is you playing, stringing note after note with hopeless abandon. Just to get a reaction, from anyone. Anything!

So deeply are you immersed in your playing that it takes a moment for you to notice the knocking. Your bow stills mid-way, your breath hitching when the knocking continues. “Just a moment,” you call out, hastily placing your violin back on your dresser before ripping open the door to find—

Prince Jungkook still has his hand poised to knock, not having anticipated you to open your door so quickly. “Oh, pardon me. I am so sorry to intrude on your playing. Have I come at a bad time?”

Your shoulders slacken, and your disappointment could not be more apparent. “Oh.”

Prince Jungkook smiles wryly, not appearing to be offended by your less than enthusiastic greeting. “I know that it is improper of me to ask, but could you invite me into your quarters for a moment? I would like to speak to you, if you would allow it.”

“Why would it be improper? We’re promised to each other anyway,” you reply bitterly, the words coming out before you can think twice.

Jungkook cringes, bowing his head sadly. “I suppose that is a bad thing, isn’t it?”

It is impossible not to feel bad after that, your face flushing deeply with shame. “Not exactly…” You offer an awkward smile to compensate, but you doubt that it reaches your eyes. You step aside, allowing him to enter. “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

His long legs allow him to take only two strides to reach the center of your room, his large frame engulfing the space. It almost feels suffocating, being here with him. Your mind unhelpfully compares him to the other only man who has ever entered your room, a man who had a much more lithe figure to the one with you right now.

You notice how he scans your room with sharp eyes, how he locks onto your violin immediately. He moves towards it and makes a motion as if to hold it, and after you give him your permission, he picks it up with reverence, turning it over with meticulous grace. “I was not aware that you were so gifted with musical talent,” he murmurs, plucking the strings experimentally.

You shrug, leaning against your door. “It was never brought up during our dinner conversations.” Not that much was said between the two of you during your meals together, as your father seems more interested in learning about Jungkook’s competency in politics than what his hobbies are.

He nods, absent-minded. He returns the violin to its proper place, his touch featherlike and graceful. He might be a violinist himself, you think. “That piece you were just playing… What was it called?”

A common question. “It’s a traditional song based on one of the kingdom’s myths,” you reply easily.

He nods again. “Why were you playing it?”

A less common question, one that you find more difficult to answer. “It… happened to be the first one I thought of, I suppose.” A half-truth, at the very least.

He hums thoughtfully, turning to you with doleful eyes. “Then I suppose that you must be grieving, are you not? if that is the sort of song that first comes to mind.”

You’re immediately defensive, curling into yourself as you watch him suspiciously. “My father… He told you, didn’t he?”

Even though you do not expound on what you mean, the prince is quick to shake his head in denial. “Nothing my eyes have not already seen.”

You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, hackles rising as you size him up. “What do you want from me then? A confession? For me to go on my knees and ask for forgiveness?” you spit.

He stares at you, astonished. “Who am I to dole out absolution when I am but only a man?”

“So does that mean you have committed the same mistakes that I have? I find that hard to believe,” you scoff, lowering your guard in your annoyance. He’s only been in your room for a few minutes and already you tire of his company; you wonder how you’ll manage to keep your sanity while spending your life with him.

But in truth, even if he hadn’t irritated you, even if he was the nicest man in the world, he would never compare to the man you have already laid your heart with.

He shakes his head once more, almost as if he’s embarrassed. “Not quite, but I do understand what you’re going through. Somewhat.”

Somewhat, he says. The more you observe him, the more you realize how young he is. Not just in the way he appears, but also in the way he talks and moves, almost like the stars trapped in his eyes have yet to escape. You can imagine him falling for one of the servant girls back in his own palace, secretly swapping lovelorn gazes across polished halls. Unlike you, he must not have acted on his greed, knowing the extent of his responsibility to his house and kingdom.

Unlike you, he does not bear a cruel bone in his body, as he would never subject that poor girl to the sort of heartbreak that only a clandestine relationship could offer.

“I want to make myself clear to you, my princess. I did not come here to accuse you of anything. I came here because I wanted to make myself clear with you,” he says. You raise a brow, urging him to continue.

“I am not asking you to fall in love with me,” he says plainly. It surprises you greatly, to hear him speak so candidly. Ever the perfect politician, he’d only ever spoken with care and precision, always anticipating the other party’s reaction. You have spoken with enough visiting royals to know that he is well-versed in that sort of language, so to hear him speak so brazenly is almost refreshing.

“I wouldn’t have offered, regardless,” you respond, smirking sardonically. He laughs at that, and you can hear the honesty in his laughter, too.

“Fair. But for the sake of the people who put their faith in us, I would suggest,” he pauses, licking his lips as he mulls over his next words, “that we might be sincere with one another. Just so our union may not perish… prematurely.”

You don’t respond, scanning him for any ill intent. As a princess from an illustrious kingdom, you have needed to stave off numerous lords and princes from taking your hand for their own wicked gain. However, none of your previous suitors were like Prince Jungkook, who genuinely seemed to care greatly for his people, as seen by how kindly he has treated his entourage of helpers.

He waits for you to say something, but eventually, he continues, “Princess Y/N, it would be the greatest honor if you would allow me to know you better. I seek nothing more than your companionship.” He blushes slightly, coughing into his fists. “W-well, not that you owe me that, as we could very well live separately for the rest of our lives, but... Umm… That came out a little more awkward than I intended, but I hope you get the gist.”

You realize, then, that he desires to live peacefully with you—guilelessly and unselfishly. Perhaps he is doing this for his parents (highly likely), or perhaps he has no other choice (extremely likely). But the fact remains that in front of you stands a good man with a simple wish: to become friends with you, if not at least become amicable with one another.

“Then I suppose you want to know more about me? About my story?” you ask sarcastically. “Want to know why the eldest daughter of the king is off frolicking with the captain of his guard?”

Jungkook snorts, an easy smile on his lips. “Well, you could tell me that, but I was thinking more along the lines of ‘when did you learn to play the violin?’ and other neutral information. You know, like how normal people converse.”

It takes you a moment to realize that he had been making fun of you. “Hey, watch it, princeling. You’re not in the clear just yet,” you huff, but there is no bite to your bark. You can tell that he knows this, from the way his tense figure has relaxed tremendously in this short amount of time. You notice your own tension fading away too, if only infinitesimally.

“I can start if you want,” he hums, tapping a finger on his chin as he thinks. “Well, I have always wanted to tell you this, but you might think I might be buttering your ass if I did, pardon the language—”

You laugh loudly, baffled by his seemingly out-of-nowhere casual demeanor. In your bedroom, with his shoulders slackened and hair still disheveled from his morning practice, he looks nothing like the perfect prince you had boxed him in as. “Pardoned,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“—but I’ve always found your tenacity to be admirable. Your dedication to your people, evidenced by your tireless work to make their lives better, has always struck me as inspirational. Pardon the cliché, but you really aren’t like other girls,” he says.

You wave off his compliments. “By the sounds of it, you must have this line practiced to perfection. Don’t tell me this is what you say to the other princesses when you confess to them.”

He flushes darkly, stuttering at your brash comment. The sight makes you snort, only worsening his embarrassment. “I have, um, never confessed to anyone before…”

“I find that hard to believe. Sure, you might not be like me—” you say drily. You haven’t sentenced your own life to heartache and misfortune, is what you mean to say. The pang in your chest comes back with a vengeance, but you carry on. “—but I would imagine that you’ve had to sweet talk many princesses before me. I was not your parents’ first choice, was I?”

“Indeed,” he admits awkwardly. “But I am not completely powerless. My father had allowed me some freedom when choosing a bride, and I…” he trails off, swallowing nervously. He gestures to you vaguely, unwilling to keep eye contact as he does.

You gape at him, pointing to yourself. “You… You chose me? Why?”

“It’s exactly as I said,” he shrugs. “I read about the things you’ve done, and I was drawn to you. It seems that my freedom has indirectly caused your misery, however…” he says ashamedly.

Guilt coils up you for the umpteenth time that day, except now it is directed at the boy in front of you. Foolish of you to think that your actions only affected you and your lover. Foolish of you to believe that your actions don’t have consequences bigger than you might have imagined.

“It… is not your fault,” you grit out, though it pains you to say. Not because it is a lie, but rather, it is a painful truth: a pill you have finally been forced to swallow. “My recklessness has caused more wreckage than I would have imagined.”

“I must admit that I have always been in love with the concept of love,” he says. He scratches the back of his neck, shyly turning away from you. “I believe that while love comes in all different shapes and sizes, it is certainly never supposed to be cruel. It is never selfish or… painful.”

Your eyes narrow, fully understanding his implications. “Then you must be as naive as you appear,” you snarl. You step away from the doorway, making your way towards the prince until your chests were merely a breath apart. However, he doesn’t back away like you thought he would. He stands his ground, looking at you through his long lashes.

“You wouldn’t understand. Have you ever loved someone so deeply that even the thought of being apart wounds you? Have you ever stayed awake at night, listening carefully to the sound of your own beating heart, aching for someone you cannot have? It is an ache, Jungkook, that cannot be salved with pretty words and sentiments. It is not a choice,” you finish, vision growing blurry with unshed tears. But you refuse to let them fall, not for a boy who didn’t know better.

His gaze is level with your own, his breathing steady. His eyes look dark to you, no longer sparkling like they once did. But before you can blink, the darkness is gone, replaced with his carefully crafted neutrality. The princely politician makes his return, except he’s a little sadder. Disappointed, even. “No, I have not experienced any of that. I cannot say for certain what is true, but I have always thought that love should be gentle and kind. Something to be enjoyed, and not a cause of strife.”

He steps away from you, his footsteps light as he makes his way to the door. When he twists the doorknob, he stills for a moment. “It was nice speaking to you, Y/N. Don’t… keep hurting yourself, okay? A lot of people care for you, even if they don’t say it. Even if it doesn’t seem that way.”

You bark out a laugh, but it sounds watered down to your ears. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love with me already.”

He smiles at you, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he murmurs before bidding you farewell.

You’re left alone again, and your room feels significantly more hollow. Your entire body is vibrating, filled with an unidentifiable feeling swirling in your chest like a hurricane. Was it anger? Frustration? Hopelessness? Guilt? Perhaps an ungodly concoction of all four?

You feel nauseous, almost falling over from the strength of it. Everything about today has caused you to lose your hold on your sanity, the urge to scream in anguish becoming more unbearable by the second.

Love should be gentle and kind, he said. Despite how sweet his intentions, his words still feel like poison. How dare he say that to you, when he knows that you wish it was true?

You grab your violin by the neck, your violent grip causing the wood to creak. Your hands shake, tears freely falling into the sea of your self-pity.

You drag your bow harshly against the strings, striking a sound louder than your own frustrated cry. A few of the hairs snap, but you continue, playing like a madwoman possessed. The music is frantic, agonizing—goosebumps trail your skin unprompted. Your pain overflows until even the dead can hear you weep.

Your violin almost drowns out the sound of another knock at your door. “Go away,” you growl, playing more fiercely. The violin groans, as if in pain. “If you’ve come back to lecture me about love again—”

“Your Highness,” a softer voice responds. It’s not Jungkook like you had thought. “It’s Jimin.”

Even if he had not announced himself, you would have known just by his footsteps. You freeze, your heart beating wildly out of your chest. You swipe a hand across your cheek in a futile attempt to hide away the evidence. Even without a mirror, you know that your eyes are puffy and bloodshot.

He enters without your prompting: comfortable enough to invade your space as if he had not torn your heart to pieces just hours ago. His gaze immediately goes to your face, a staggered breath leaving his lungs when he sees your hollow expression. But that moment of weakness disappears in an instant, the same stoic captain from this morning reappearing right in front of you.

“Had you been expecting someone else?” he asks in place of a greeting. There is an edge to his tone, you notice. If you didn’t know better, you might have missed it. Jealousy. How dare he.

You squint at him, but you say nothing. The air is icy with tension, enough to freeze hell twice over.

He clears his throat. “I’ve come to apologize, your Highness. It was out of line for a royal guard such as myself to drag you so brusquely like that. It will not happen again,” he murmurs.

You can hear the hidden meaning buried in his words. It won’t happen again, because I won’t be here to do it.

“Is that all you have to say?” you whisper. You place your violin down carefully, but your vision is already turning blurry once more. You won’t cry in front of him. You refuse to be the only one hurt from this.

He sighs, as if worn by your childish antics. “Y/N, you don’t understand—”

When he calls you by your name, the fraying string inside of you snaps. “Save it,” you seethe. “You’re a coward, that’s what you are. There isn’t anything to understand.”

“No, you should understand,” Jimin steps forward, grabbing you by the shoulders. He shakes you, desperation hanging off every inch of his frame. “As a princess, you should know what it means to serve the people. You should know more than anyone about the oaths I made to this kingdom. You should be proud of me!”

His increasing volume only encourages you to match him, your throat nearly getting torn in two from how loudly you shout. “Cut the patriotic act! Do you think I’ve forgotten all the whispers you’ve planted in my head? About how you wished more than anything to work with your brothers as performers, how you wished you hadn’t been the breadwinner of your family just so you wouldn’t have to sell your strength to my father?”

“I was naive. I should have known it was my responsibility,” he counters.

“Then what about all the promises you made to me during our nights together? You swore to love me forever under starry nights and disheveled sheets. You said you’d run away with me, just so I wouldn’t have to marry anyone else!”

Jimin grits his teeth. “Meer words of comfort. The babblings of a child.”

You shove him away, your skin burning from where he touched you. “Then actions must speak louder than words, correct? You cannot hide from me when your lovemaking spoke volumes. ”

For once, it seems Park Jimin is at a loss for words. He clenches his fists by his side, looking utterly defeated. “Y/N… You know that it’s the right thing to do.”

“I don’t,” you mumble, lips trembling. “I really don’t.”

“Even so,” Jimin says. He lifts a finger, wiping away a stray tear from your cheek. “It is better that I make the choice than you.”

Better that he breaks your heart than you. “We… we could’ve found another way,” you croak, helpless.

Jimin only smiles sadly. “The prince… He is a good man. I have been watching him these past few weeks and I know that he will—” his voice catches, and he has to pause for a moment to regain his composure. “He will make a good match for you. It would be wrong for us to…”

It pains you to admit it, but he’s right. Jungkook doesn’t deserve your infidelity. And yet, even if Jimin were to leave, would you ever be wholly Jungkook’s anyway? What would be the difference, if your heart will continue to yearn for another man regardless?

“Tell me this, then. For once, spare me from your half-truths. Drive the final nail into my coffin so that I know that you are truly certain.” You force him to look you directly in the eye, his pupils shaking as he takes you in for what might be his last time. It is almost as if time had stopped, and only the two of you existed in this space. This bedroom that you called your haven, the place where you had fallen in love—the place that will witness your first heartache.

“If our lives could have been different, would you have loved me then?”

Jimin has never looked so weary, so different from the boisterous boy you had met all those years ago. “I’m sure… that I would’ve done what was best. For the greater good.”

“And does that greater good include us? How do we fit in that equation?”

But he only steps away, his hand still outstretched as if to hold you. Then, he slowly tucks it behind him, his posture straightening the way a guard should. “I think you already know the answer to that,” he says, the note of finality ringing loud and clear.

He pries open the door, hesitating only for one more moment before chancing one last glance at you. “Tomorrow… I leave with my men. I would appreciate it if you don’t come.”

The door closes, and your question remains unanswered.

Just like him, the empty silence of your room refuses to respond, no matter how many times you ask.

Because in the sanctity of your bedroom, no promises ever did hold. The Park Jimin you loved was never real in the first place, and no matter how much you slam your fists and stomp your feet, he’s never going to love you the way you want him to.

And there you stand, all by your lonesome, without the prying gazes of those who expect better of you. Gruesomely, and painfully you.

[shima-draws]

Aww yeahhh time for Kiyo to make his entrance!

I wrote an entire essay about him (again whoops) so it’s very long and under the cut for your viewing pleasure ;)

Kiyo

Age: 29

Hair color: Green

Eye color: Brown

Element: Stars

Kiyo, the Guildmaster of the Asterstone Guild! He only took up the position recently and has had the Guildmaster title for about a year and a half. He was the previous record holder for youngest Guildmaster until that title was stolen by Taku. (Kiyo holds a grudge about it but it’s playful.) 

Kiyo, just like lots of other characters in ATS, was taken in by the Asterstone Guild at a young age. He’s similar to Shima in that he has no previous memories before showing up outside the guild one day, battered and bruised. (That marks three characters in this series with amnesia now! Wrow) He grew up under the watchful eye and tutelage of the previous Guildmaster, and because of how attached to him she’d gotten, it wasn’t long before he began to express desires to take over the guild once she retired. After a lot of thought and contemplation she eventually handed over the position to him. This initially resulted in a lot of outrage from the guild members because they did not think Kiyo was suited to be the Guildmaster, but he eventually proved them wrong once he stepped up to the plate and showed them he could act like a true leader!

They did have good reason to be nervous about that, though, as Kiyo is normally a very laid-back and carefree person and is strictly non-violent. This has lead into lots of situations where he’s opted out of fighting, leading his guildmates into lots of trouble when they needed a hand, and they labeled him as both a coward for avoiding necessary battles on missions (which is practically a requirement for a guild member going out on dangerous quests, you sort of have to have a battle prowess to take on any foes) and lazy for not participating when he should. Initially this bothered Kiyo a great deal, but the previous guildmaster assured him that not everybody is suited for battling others, and that he can still pave his own way to success in a non-violent manner. While Kiyo may not have a liking for fighting, he has an extremely smooth tongue and is very capable of talking himself out of sticky situations (mostly by bribing. He is VERY good at that lmao). He has a talent for manipulating others into doing what he wants them to, though he rarely uses this on people he considers friends. When Kiyo’s able to complete a mission and win the day without resorting to using their elemental powers in a fight, his guild members have to stop and think for a second like. Hold on. He just did that so easily, he made it look so simple, we really need to stop underestimating him and calling him totally useless (Kiyo: Hey. HEY).

Kiyo’s pretty close to all of his guildmates despite their constant ribbing—the one person he’s close to that adores him completely is Lacie, because he was the person to bring her into the guild (she was around 10, he was 17), and being the first person to genuinely show her kindness that wasn’t for ulterior motives, Lacie became very attached to him. Kiyo acts like an older brother to her, and Lacie supports him in whatever he does. She was thrilled when he took on the Guildmaster position, and he has a very soft spot for her :’) She always sings his praises to anybody outside who will listen, and gets angry at Emrys the one time he called Kiyo incompetent.

After becoming the guildmaster, Kiyo actually does a good job at taking charge despite the general opinions that he wouldn’t. He’s still very casual about it though and is a bit more flexible with how the guild is run, preferring to let the guild members do things their own way and be less strict about the overall rules. He’s basically got the “Do whatever you want!” and “Just wing it!” outlook, and while a lot of the members don’t like this attitude, a lot of them do. At the end of the day they all do respect him, though! While he isn’t a fighter he’s very good at giving orders and keeping things in check around Asterstone lol

Despite Kiyo’s insistence on staying out of battles, he’s actually an extremely skilled fighter, and is probably the strongest and most dangerous person in the entire guild. The issue with this, though, is that whenever he gets into a fight, he tends to get too “serious” and starts going off the walls, treating the battle as a game and something fun and entertaining. This leads into him not knowing when to stop, and nobody else being able to stop him, so he’s seriously injured other people without meaning to—revealing that he’s actually terrified of violence because he loses himself in it, and why he prefers to stay on the sidelines. It’s only when Kiyo gets really serious in battles that a darker side comes out, and where the star mark in his eye appears. It’s only been seen a few rare times throughout his life at the guild, so nobody really thinks much of it or notices it. It’s only after the star mark appears that Kiyo passes out afterwards, having exerted a lot of power and extremely skilled battle prowess nobody has ever seen before. However, after a grand guild tournament where Kiyo faces off against Taku and gets too into it, revealing his star mark and almost slicing Taku’s head clean off, one of Kiyo’s advisors at the guild starts to look into it out of concern for both Kiyo’s safety and that of others.

In the middle of all this mess, Kiyo meets Toru, and after nearly forcing him to join Asterstone, the two start growing closer 👀 Toru joins the squad of not putting up with Kiyo’s bullshit, but that’s only after he gets over his starstruck fanboy phase. Because Toru is newer to the guild and because he’s a non-elemental not suited for fighting, Kiyo instantly becomes attached to him, finding similarities in their preferences and backgrounds. While Toru does think Kiyo’s an idiot sometimes he treats him very kindly, and is usually the first to defend him when the other members playfully tease him, so Kiyo’s just like you are an angel sent from heaven just for me and I adore you. Still though with Toru being a non-elemental Kiyo stresses about his safety CONSTANTLY, even after Toru gets official training in self defense. If Toru’s in danger Kiyo will blow off literally everything else to go rescue him first, which the other members have to get used to as it happens more often than they’d like akdasbmlads

Later down the line the guild is caught up in something terrible, and find themselves being targeted by a descendant of a great inventor and sorcerer (not Elymas this time tho lol). She’s apparently seeking what’s known as the Velle Nova, and has reason to believe Asterstone is in possession of it. After Kiyo’s forced to fight and unleashes the power behind his star mark, the descendant reveals that Kiyo has the Velle Nova, and then the truth finally comes out…

Kiyo remembers everything about his past. Years ago, his town had been caught up in a great disaster, and he was the only survivor. He was forcibly taken in by several scientists, one of them being the ancestor of the girl descendant. They were attempting to recreate the Velle Nova, one of the great sorcerer Elymas’ inventions, which is said to grant any sort of wish imaginable. They wanted to claim that power for themselves and possess the powers of the universe itself. However every attempt had failed, and without the real Velle Nova they couldn’t achieve what they were after. So they decided to pour all of their research into Kiyo instead, and try to create the weapon inside of a human being. This ended up making a twisted, broken version of what should have been the Velle Nova. But Kiyo couldn’t contain its power—it was going to unravel the universe itself and either destroy everything or alter it tragically into something unimaginable. One of the scientists working with the group realized how awful their experiment was and, being a Time elemental, decided to erase Kiyo’s memories (with some help) and send him centuries into the future so that the rest of the group couldn’t get their hands on him. Hence Kiyo winding up outside of Asterstone with no memories, and the truth behind his star mark. It had been granting Kiyo his wish the whole time—the longing to protect the things he cares about by being able to defeat any threat in his way. Of course with the unstable power that he can’t control, it usually leads into disaster;;

Kiyo, now having recovered his memories, realizes that the same thing is going to happen again, and decides to seal himself off to protect Asterstone and the world before the universe unravels. Cue an epic PMD-esque goodbye scene where he bids farewell to Toru, gives him his trademark scarf, and vanishes, escaping into a dimension between time and space where his power can be contained. *Starts playing I Don’t Want To Say Goodbye*

Toru, absolutely devastated by Kiyo’s farewell, decides he’s going to break time and space to save his man, except there’s one small issue...nobody else remembers that Kiyo even existed, and Toru only managed to by some miracle (and also maybe bc Kiyo handed him his scarf idk some magic soul connection thing). But after a while...a long while, maybe like a year or more...they finally unlock the key to finding Kiyo!!

Toru and Kiyo share a tearful reunion, and Kiyo cries a lot because it had been so lonely sitting in that black hole all by himself for so long. Toru begs Kiyo to come back, and suggests that Kiyo separate himself from the Vella Nova in order to live a normal life, but Kiyo informs him that he and the Vella Nova...are the same. They’re the same combined entity! Kiyo says that if he tries to unfuse, he’ll just end up destroying himself, because there’s nothing to separate, being one singular existence. So Toru points out uh hey since you’re the same thing, don’t you get a say on how your power is used? “It’s your power, Kiyo” yes we’re referencing Tododeku here we go

Kiyo’s like hmm uh yeah I guess you have a point;; so we went through all that for nothing huh. And Toru tells him you’re a fucking moron and Kiyo’s like ahh yes but you loved this moron enough to come rescue him from the void ;) And they kinda sorta confess but not really? Kiyo’s too nervous and Toru’s too distracted trying to figure out how to get them out of there but no worries they sort it out later. Kiyo tells him that hey I’m still dangerous and I could lose control at any given moment and Toru’s just like well I guess we’ll just have to stop you and bring you back to yourself. So with the knowledge that he’s got a whole guild of awesome people backing him up and a boy who broke the laws of the universe to save his ass, Kiyo and Toru escape the rift and finally return home together 💕 And that’s pretty much how their arc ends!

Extra personality traits

-He has a really short attention span so this makes things painfully hard on mission briefings, which leads to Kiyo usually screwing up the mission one way or another

-He often charges ahead without thinking and is the first one to become a target in a bad situation. Nobody really feels bad for him though because most of the time it’s his fault for walking right into it LMAO

-He can be very childish sometimes and most of the time he does it on purpose. His guildmates complain that their leader is a whiny, immature brat

-He is an expert on how to annoy people do not test him oh my god

-He can be incredibly selfish;; He’s gotten better with it during recent years, but he got scorned for it a lot when he was younger. He’s also very emotional, and you can read what he’s thinking like an open book! When his friends can’t read him that’s when they start getting worried.

-He has no experience in romance whatsoever and it’s the one (1) thing that can get him flustered. Nobody at the guild has ever seen Kiyo get mildly embarrassed or caught off guard, so they begin to think it’s impossible to make him blush. Then Toru shows up and ruins everything lmao

-He has a great sense of humor and can always make others laugh! He’s also very mischievous and sometimes plays pranks on other members of his guild.

-He’s very stubborn when he wants something and not in a good way. He also pouts a lot when he gets like this

-He loves his guild and his guild members man :'( If any of them are ever in any real danger he's quick to offer himself up first as a target. He's protective of his friends and will do anything to keep them safe!

-A very very affectionate person. He mostly shows this through physical acts like hugging and generally touching other people. In return he also craves affection and gets very soft when it’s given back to him. I’d probably say he’s a little touch starved despite being in close contact with others all the time lol

[wonderlustlucas]

jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,’ or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I – no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ‘try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?” He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?’”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

[zawasscarf]

Nanami Kento- Fireworks

genre: fluff!!

synopsis: nanami realises how much he misses his past lover after spending late night of work at the office with them, during new years.

warnings: none!

prespective: third person

notes: reader is gender-neutral.

noise overflowed the office this late afternoon, and only began to die down by the late evening, as men in business suits, and women in fancy dresses bid each other a happy new year, and a good holiday, wishing them well as they left through the exit. He sat at his cramped cubicle, typing away at his yellowed keyboard. He wasn't particularly fond of parties, or his colleagues, or the office for that matter, but work was bound to overflow when everyone tossed aside their tasks by the end of the month. It irked him to think he would have to handel the consequences of their actions when they get back, and what bothered him even more was the fact that either way, he would have to work overtime. His hardworking nature and his sense of responsibility -which often were very bothersome to him- forced him take it upon himself to work through some issues now, so it won't reek havoc onto him later.

besides, it was a good excuse to use whenever someone asked him to join their god-forsaken party.

Though, it was nearly impossible for him to concentrate, let alone get any work done while the most obnoxious pop music blasted through their newly bought speakers in the other room, echoing through the walls of their facility. He had no choice but to stay at his cubicle for an hour or maybe two, staring at the glowing screen, at the unfinished spread sheet infront of hin. His eyes shut for a minute, trying to rest his tired eyes for even just a minute. It has been a long, long day. And yet, he did not want to leave the office, knowing that nothing will welcome him back but the coldness of his apartment.

The second he opened his eyed he found himself alone, with only his computer and the flickering lights of the city outside the window lightening up the room. His eyes hurt from staring into the screen since the morning, and that 'minute' of rest he had did not at all help, but relieved that his colleagues had dissappeared, he leaned forward onto his chair, getting to work immediately.

"And then there were two."

Their playful tone and their voice had frankly startled Nanami. He glanced up from his computer, and saw them standing at the door, hands behind their back as they walked towards him. Their face was easier to admire when they stepped into view. They looked dashing as they always were. He had taken glimpses at everyone who was attending their little party, and he could easily tell, that no one were to compare to them. What they wore was elegant, yet queit simple. It wasn't the first time Nanami saw them in formal attire, it came with the job, after all, but tonight, they looked indescribable. When they came to a stop infront of him, a cubicle much like his seperated them. "I thought you left with the others." He gave them a polite smile, however the starstruck gleam in his eyes didn't falter.

A long time passed since he last saw them, and even longer time since they spoke to one another. Even when they worked at the same office, just cubicles apart. He would find himself often wondering where they were, what they were doing. He had heard from a few colleagues that they were out of town for a month, or two, on a trip around Japan, trying to land a contract with another business. They smiled warmly back at him. "No," Their reply was firm. It was something he always liked about them, their decisiveness, their unnatural talent at body language. They stood serious, yet not in way where it came off as imposing or overbearing. In fact, they looked at ease. "I didn't see you at the party.. though parties were never really your thing, were they?" He was not sure if it was the lack of sleep, or the absence of a good source of light, but he could swear that he didn't imagine seeing their cheeks tint. "—so I assumed you're working." They walked towards the cubicle beside him, and took half of the files Nanami had placed near himself. "And I thought it was unfair for you to work through all of this on your own, since it isn't even yours, so I am helping."

"Oh." Taken by surprise, he leaned back into his -small, and queit frankly, uncomfortable- leather seat. "I see.." They were no longer looking at him, but at the screen, clicking a few buttons, starting up their computer. "But you really don't have to, you should enjoy your night." Their chuckle interrupted him, and their luminescent eyes that brought shame to the thousands of stars in the sky, looked into his worn-out jade ones.

"I don't have anything better to do tonight, Nanami."

His eyes widened for barely a moment.

"Are you sure?" He asked, he was not sure why he was making it seem like he wanted them to leave, maybe it was fear. fear that he would end up doing something, saying something that would ruin what was already ruined. But he couldn't shake the feeling his chest, the absolute warmth he felt whenever they looked at him. "I am sure you do..its new year's eve."

They reclined back into their seat, "I suppose I could be in a pub, or a club..or having dinner with one of our colleagues." Their eyes met his for a second, watching how he would react. Nanami could not explain the feeling, the only way that he could explain it is that it felt similar to the feeling he always felt when he was around a certain white haired friend of his. Sheer annoyance, frustration, even. His hand involuntarily loosened the tie around his neck, trying to reduce whatever suffocating feeling this was. Body tensed up for just a minute, then his muscles visibly contracted under his dark suit. The thought of them with someone else hadn't bothered him, they were two adults, who could see whoever they wanted to see, do whatever they wanted to do..until they mentioned it. Even if he didn't like to admit it, he was still holding onto that selfish wish of his.

"—but I am not. I am choosing to be here, and I don't mind helping on new years eve." They explained. "Besides, we can get the work done faster when we split, so maybe we will get to enjoy the festivities if we finish these files by eleven."

Nanami couldn't help but nod. He took his glasses out of his pocket and put them on, then began to type back into his abandoned excel sheet. Though, it was taking him a great deal of effort to type in the right numbers, when they sat infront of him. His eyes couldn't resist glancing at them every few minutes, to admire them. How their eyebrows furrowed, and their mouth turned into a pout whenever they made a mistake. He found himself wishing that they were out, discussing life and what-not on a dinner table, in one of the cozy restaurants they discovered together, like they used to. Not sitting here in these uncomfortable seats, cubicles apart, with the only sound keeping them company is that of the city.

"Are you going to keep staring at me, Kento, or are you going to get your files done?"

He jolted, their eyes bored into his. They held a captivating gaze, for about a minute, or two, yet for him it felt as though hours had passed. "I apologise. It's been a long day." He lied. He was not as tired as he thought he would be, and seeing them tonight has ignited some sort of energy in him. Unknown to him, it was queit obvious when he lied to them. They smiled, and got up from their seat.

"I assume you've been running on nothing but coffee since this morning?" His eyes didn't leave them, as he watched them make their way to the little kitchen counter they had by the break room area. "You assume correctly, yes.." He took their 'absence' to his advantage, and focused on his work, finishing up spreadsheets as soon as they walked away. "That's pretty unhealthy."

"I am well aware, but what could I do?"

The microwave beeped a few times, and there was a sound of boilingvwater. A few minutes later, they dropped a plate with a slice of banana bread on the stacked files, and they placed a mug of jasmine tea in his hands. "Oh." His nostrils delighted by the smell of the bread, and the aroma of the steaming cup of tea, a smile had slowly made it's way on his lips. "Eat up, its gonna be a long night."

The blonde man stared up at the plate and then the mug infront of him. Though it was a simple, yet thoughtful act, it warmed his heart. He examined their relaxed posture when they leaned against the desk beside him, and his expression suddenly softened. "Thank you."

"Awh, Kento, are you going soft on me?"

He took off his fogging glasses, and set them aside, as he brought the beverage to his lips. "Yes."

Their eyebrows raised in surprise. And then they rolled their eyes, at the irony of the situation. "It's basic human decency, Nanamin. It really shouldn't be so surprising to you." Their statement felt heavy. A feeling of guilt ate him up. The office fell queit, the heavy air between them filled with unspoken words, and both of them shared passing glances, in hopes the other would speak. They broke the silence first, chuckling dryly. "I need more sugar. I swear the packets they get us don't sweeten at all." They hopped off his desk, their shoes clicking away. This sight felt familiar to him. Them turning their back to him, leaving him wondering if they would ever come back. Deja vu overtook his senses, but it was not enough to leave him frozen in place. Bewilderment -and embaressment- now written all over their face. "Kento? This hurts a bit.." Their voice was no louder than a whisper.

Nanami's grip around their wrist loosened just slightly, when he realised they were mere inches apart, and that his work was long abandoned.

"I..I apologise. But I have to tell you..It wasn't about that.."

"What are you talking about?"

"What you did for me just now. It made me realise something I should have a long time ago."

Their confusion turned into shock, and then realisation. A frown appeared on their face as they looked away from him. "Nanami.."

"It made me realise how much I missed you. How I shouldn't have let you leave that night."

They clicked their tounge and shook their head. "Nanami, this is exactly why it didn't work last time. You were always too late, only realising what you want after time had passed." He nodded in agreement, not daring to cut the off until they were done. "And you always prioritized things that didn't concern you over yourself, over me.." He could feel their hands clam up, the expression of nervousness evident on their features. "Yes, I'm well aware. And I'm giving it a shot again now, because I know I have changed."

They chuckled in disbelief, and looked up into his yearning eyed. "How much could someone really change, Nanami?"

He paused. He had come so far, he was not going to ruin this for the world. Not again. Mulling over the words, time after time in his mind, he finally replied. "You would never believe me if I just told you. You know better." He let their wrists go, and instead intertwined their fingers together. "Words can never prove it. But I'm willing to show you." Their mouth opened, but they couldn't bring themselves to disagree with him. Even though they wouldn't like to admit it, they had infact missed him. "I'm willing to do everything in my power to show you I have been working on myself for you."A pause in between words, and then he took a deep breath. His grip on their hands tightened just slightly. "So please, will you accompany to Shibuya? The countdown and firework event that takes place every new years is always sublime. And I have a friend who owns me one, so we would be watching the show from the highest building near the event. And I couldn't think of anyone..more divine to join me." A tiresome, yet determined smile set across his face. They spent a minute or two in complete silence, as they repeated the scenario in their head. Nanami normally would not let it show that he was nervous, but his hands were sweating and his jaw clenched. After a minute or two of complete and utter silence, they sighed deeply, nodding. "I'd..I'd love to, Nanami."

"Do I sense a but?"

A giggle erupted from them, but to his realif, they shook their head. "No. I am serious. I'd love to attend the Shibuya firework show with you." In an attempt to keep his cool -although his excitement was through the roof-, he raised their hands to his lips and planted a kiss on each of their knuckles. "Thank you.."

Another one of their wonderful giggles filled the air around them, their cheeks turned dark. "We should probably finish those files, if we want to get there on time."

Nanami looked back, at the abandoned cubicles and open computers. For a moment, he hesitated, but he quickly made up his mind and looked at them. "Forget about the files. We can always finish them later. Besides, the bullet train is bound to be almost empty by now, so we will be alone..." They raised their eyebrows, but a knowing smile spread across their face. He smiled back. "It's a date, then." His smile widened, it has been such a long time since he felt this way. Pleasant, ecstatic. "Just let me grab my coat, and I'll be ready to go."

Nanami nodded, letting them go after giving them a squeeze. As if silently promising, to both of them, the he won't ever let them regret their decision.

[simpingforthisonedeer]

Chapter 8: Tempestuous I

SFW version here

Summary: Aika watches Julius become King; Julius goes to make his annual visit to the Swallowtail and shenanigans happen.

Notes: This chapter was actually supposed to be a lil over 10k words um 😳😳😳 but I cut it 60/40 so I'll post the next chapter next week for sure bc it's already finished. I made a lot of changes like taking away the assasination attempt that was supposed to happen this chapter. Also, there's one offhanded line that is NSFW but that's all for the chapter.

One of you have already read all 10k but don’t say anything okay? ;)))

@talpup here you go hehehe 

@kray-dragon​ you said you wanted to read 👉👈

Aika felt light despite the exhaustion weighing her down as the excited murmur of the crowd surrounded her. It has been two days since the battle and Diamond Kingdom’s surrender, but she would give them a few months before starting a ruckus again. Nevertheless, the peace and relief that it brought to Clover Kingdom had the gathered crowd in high spirits, especially since they knew that Julius was the one who delivered the final blow.

The Grey Deers were especially rowdy near the front, no doubt ecstatic that their former Captain was now Wizard King. The ceremony was already done in private and this occasion was just to introduce the new Wizard King to the public so he may be welcomed. 

She stood atop Clover castle’s outer walls with her associates as she spectated, while also keeping an eye out for any trouble.

Music played loudly to her right and the crowd grew excited as the seven new captains walked on stage.

Fuegoleon Vermillion for the Crimson Lions, Nozel Silva for the Silver Eagles, Jack the Ripper for the Green Mantises, Dorothy Unsworth for the Coral Peacocks, Charlotte Roselei for the Blue Roses, Gueldre Poizot for the Purple Orcas, and Jien Du for the Grey Deers.

It was truly a remarkable sight from a historical point of view because all the captains were replaced and all of them were around the same age, meaning that this trend would continue for a few more generations.

The crowd grew quiet in anticipation after all the Captains settled into their respective places on the stage.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” A disembodied voice exclaimed. “Put your hands together for our new Wizard King,” A handsome man wearing a voluminous cloak of deep red, shouldering a white, furred cape, adorned with medals and a cross emerged from the depths of Clover Castle.

“Julius Novachrono!”

The crowd exploded with approval as their cheers, screams and applause filled the air. The sudden noise startled Aika but thankfully, she barely had any mana after the battle so none accidentally escaped. She couldn’t see him clearly from where she was standing but she certainly noticed how he squared his shoulders as he cast his gaze across the sea of people.

Their voices seemed to soar high into the heavens and she couldn’t help but smile at the scene. Jayce was hollering his heart out next to her, screaming how he was Julius’ number one fan. He had been standing close to the former Captain when he eviscerated the enemy two days ago and had been starstruck ever since. 

Ellie clapped politely as Evan let out a whistle or two. Aika would have clapped as well but she was leaning heavily against the edge of the wall, barely even able to stand up straight. She had already suffered the indignity of asking Jayce and Evan to help her walk as if she was some frail, old grandma. She would not also cause a commotion by trying to stand and then fall.

“And finally, please welcome your honorable king,” the announcer stumbled on the last few words. “Augustus Kira Clover the 13th!”

The applause was much more muted and they barely let out a cheer or two. Augustus looked outraged at the gathered crowd and opened his mouth to make his displeasure known but Julius quickly cleared his voice before their “honorable” king could and began his first speech as the Wizard King. Aika listened keenly, secretly reveling in his familiar voice. He spoke at length about hope, faith and love and ended his speech with a hopeful message that had everyone grinning and cheering once again.

Aika leaned back far enough so she could clap this time because she was blown away by the absolute natural way he commanded the stage and the crowd. He was made for this.

Then, the Grey Deers who were standing guard at the front split the sea of people so Julius could go step down to greet and interact with the citizens themselves. The crowd allowed the Magic Knights to create a human barrier for one moment as the new Wizard King planted his feet on level ground, before chaos ensued. People pried the barrier apart and the knights were powerless to use magic in such a cramped space.

Aika tensed for a moment, thinking there was going to be an attack but let out a surprised laugh when she realized the situation. Women threw themselves at Julius, nearly tearing his robes apart and Aika nearly fell backwards with laughter at the sight of him trying to dodge their kisses.

Evan, Jayce and Ellie shared a nervous look as they got ready to catch her if she was actually going to fall. They have never seen their boss so exuberant when she was sober in all the 6 years that they have known her. Aika caught their looks and quickly pursed her lips, an uncontrollable grin still spread across her face.

“Cheer up, you three. I can actually laugh now,” she said teasingly.

“We’ve noticed,” Evan murmured, sending a careful look at Jayce, silently begging him to think before he spoke.

“Yeah, you seem to be in a better mood. Are you and the Wizard King really fu—” Ellie smacked him upside the head before he could finish.

Too late.

Aika’s cheery disposition quickly dissipated.

“No, Jayce,” she said, her voice cold. “As far as everyone is concerned, nothing ever happened at all, understood?”

The crowd standing around on the wall with them started moving for the exits to make their way to the festivities in the plaza. Ellie looped her arm with Aika’s and Evan took her other arm so they could help her walk. She threw a disappointed look at Jayce and sighed. He flushed in embarrassment and rubbed his head apologetically.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Where to, Miss?” Ellie asked as her grimoire fluttered open, throwing a deadpan look at Jayce.

“To my home in Hage, please,” she sighed again as she looked back at Julius among the crowd as he tried to fend them off. Aika turned away before the first pangs of jealousy and longing could hit her. It was just a silly crush. 

A portal opened in front of them at her behest and they quickly stepped through it before the crowd could jostle them around. With Ellie’s spatial magic, she assisted Aika with errands, delivered messages, helped her travel around the world and sometimes even provided support in battle.

Aika sighed contentedly at the transition from the loud crowd to the peaceful noises of nature in the countryside. She felt old at this thought. 

They quickly ushered her into the house and helped her sit in her armchair. She stretched out in her seat and groaned at the sore feeling sufusing through her limbs. Her backpack, which she nearly never took off, poked her uncomfortably in the back but she put up with it anyway.

Aika opened her eyes slightly and her three protégés were looking at her with various levels of concern. She let out an amused huff as she waved them off.

“This is normal. You three should be used to this by now.”

“I mean, you warned us,” Ellie began as she lightly scratched her white, coily hair. “But we have never seen you perform a spell that big so we didn’t know what to expect.”

“I suppose that is true,” Aika hummed before wincing as pain unexpectedly coursed through her body. Jayce urgently strode into the kitchen at this.

“I was initially doubtful if you could handle my spell, Miss,” Evan admitted as he looked down at his hands. “I was completely ready to let the spell loose even at the expense of our allies if it meant we could weaken or even defeat the enemy.”

“Evan.” He looked up at Aika’s unexpectedly strong tone. “I would never put you in a position where you have to make such difficult decisions.” She smiled reassuringly. “I have only asked you to perform the spell because I knew I could handle it. If there is anything that you can depend on in me, it’s that I know my limits. Please have more faith in me.”

He blinked slowly at her heartfelt words, before he smiled boyishly.

“But you’re still pretty weak from it,” he retorted uncharacteristically.

“It was worth it, was it not?” she quipped back, happy that her little speech didn’t sour his mood too much.

Jayce came back from the kitchen with a slightly wet towel and handed it to Aika with a concerned look.

“Here.”

“Jayce…” She shook her head at this gesture with a small smile. It was his way of apologizing for his words earlier. “It is alright. You don’t have to worry too much.”

“Heh,” he carded his fingers through his hair. “If you say so, boss.”

“I have a new assignment for you guys,” Aika quickly began when she noticed Ellie’s mischievous smile. If she started teasing him, an argument was sure to erupt.

They turned to her attentively.

“I have noticed residues of forbidden magic in the abandoned cottage near the church here. It isn’t anything urgent and I’d like for you three to enjoy the festivities in the capital, so take the day off and in a day or two, I’d like for you three to report on your findings, alright?” Aika would have joined them but she was too weak to move in her state so she’ll take a well-deserved break for today. She eyed the gift bag by the entryway. She put together a few gifts for Julius, hoping to give to him today as a sort of welcome but she lacked the energy to move so it would have to be at another date. 

She needed to get a lot of work done. She had to clean out both this house and the Wizard King’s study, where she spent most of the time working, so Julius could use it instead. Master Raymond wasn’t the reading type so he leased it to her for free and she enjoyed that space and she had a feeling Julius would too. Speaking of the headquarters,

“Don’t forget that you also have your day jobs at the headquarters, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am!” They saluted her eagerly.

Aika nodded proudly. She was slowly introducing them to working in environments immersed in forbidden magic so they could take on bigger field assignments in the future. They were still young, only in their early twenties, so she should be careful about how such magic would affect their mental development, seeing as it completely fucked up hers. She would like to think she was fine, but she really wasn’t.

They bid her goodbye with their bright smiles, exuding youth in every way Aika wished she could feel at the moment. Though she stopped aging properly at twenty-five, maybe twenty-six years, weg magic was exhausting and she felt like she had been living longer than she should. It was probably because she hadn’t properly slept in over a decade and a half.

Aika laid the cold towel across her nape with a sigh, though the sensory overload from the pain made everything, including the texture of the towel, seem unpleasant. She shrugged one strap off of her shoulder so she could push the backpack aside and the rune on her forehead began to itch lightly— 

Wait a minute, she sat up straight. 

There was a Swallowtail filled with her magic in the woods behind the church. Wait. There were also mini-Swallowtails in her backpack right now. She could recover her magic faster this way. In her excitement, Aika nearly forgot she couldn’t use the Swallowtails inside her loft because they power various magic stones for heat, light, water, ventilation, preservation and some miscellaneous experiments.

Aika leaned back and groaned.

This meant that she must get to the big Swallowtail herself. She could ask Ellie for help but none of them except maybe Julius and herself know about the Swallowtail and they most certainly don’t know about her Time Magic. Most people thought Aika was a weak water mage who was physically strong, used forbidden magic to make up for her shortcomings, and could use a sword well.

She needed to keep her real attribute a secret because states with more sinister plans have hunted her in the past. So much so that they even threatened to destroy their own allies. That part of history was rewritten by Arthur. He stopped a war and changed everyone’s memories and in exchange, he got Holly.

She buried the memories once more as she locked her joints and stood up carefully. No point in dwelling on things she couldn’t change.

There was an old broom in the closet that she could use to get to the Swallowtail. She walked carefully, leaning on the furniture along the way. Aika stifled any groans and put her weight on the wall next to the closet door and opened it. She paused.

There were bloodstains everywhere. 

It must have been from when Arthur was stabbed and bound in here.

Aika sighed as she added another task on her to-do list and picked up the broom next to creaky hinges of the closet door. She gently eased herself onto it and smiled in relief. It would be easier to move this way.

She quickly shot out of the house, relishing in the speed in contrast to her turtle-like pace the whole day and took the straightest path to the Swallowtail.

Julius extricated himself from the last of the women as Marx made a way for him to escape the crowd. He was hoping to maybe talk to them, maybe leave a more personal impression on them, but today was not his day apparently.

“Sir, are you alright?” Marx asked as they quickly strode into a side entrance to the castle. Julius chuckled lightly as he rubbed his lipstick-smeared cheek.

“Yes, of course, Marx. Just a little...violated.”

Marx smiled as he let out a huff. “I will be very honest with you, sir. I didn’t think that was going to work.”

“Well, perhaps I should organize a town hall so it would be more regulated.”

“I will see if your schedule allows it in the near future, sir.”

He smiled in gratitude as Marx shook his head.

“Alright, well, I got a message that the preparations for the banquet are nearly done and it would begin in an hour—” 

“Marx, would you take care of that?” Julius interjected suddenly.

“Sir?”

“An hour is perfect. I have an important errand I must attend to and it won’t take me long…” He finished quietly, knowing he wouldn’t believe him.

“An errand today?” Marx asked, his voice raising up a notch. “An errand on one of the most important days of your life?”

His annual trip to the Swallowtail so he could deposit his magic just happened to fall on the day he became Wizard King. And a few minutes alone might also do him some good. The weight of what he had just accepted still hasn’t properly set in.

“Um, yes?”

“Julius!”

“It will only take me a few minutes!” He put his hands together pleadingly. “Please?”

Marx let out a heavy sigh as rubbed his temples. He just hoped he wouldn’t be as irresponsible as to miss the banquet entirely.

“Alright, fine. But you better not be looking at magic when I come looking for you!”

Julius grinned in reply.

“Of course! Thank you, Marx!”

In a blink, he quickly phased out and landed in the forest clearing where the ancient magic item was. The sudden change in environment and the heavy weight of the robes grounded him to his current situation.

It was utterly surreal. He was Wizard King.

Julius let out a hysterical laugh as he rested his head against the Swallowtail.

Adrenaline rushed through his veins as his fingers clawed at the cool, metal surface. He could finally help Clover Kingdom for the better. There were so many things he could do, so many things he could change.

Starting off with the Magic Knights. Incentivize and reward good behavior, send more knights to patrols realms where they aren’t accustomed to so they learn to like and protect people below their class, even involve himself in policy as Aika had suggested and think about education. The next generation are the future after all.

His mind was racing with ideas but he took calming breaths before he completely lost his cool. He still had a banquet to attend and nobles to pander to.

He looked intently at the giant, six-pointed star on the Swallowtail as he gathered his thoughts. He should finish his business soon. The sooner he put his mana in, the sooner he could recover it. He slowly started pouring his mana into the ball. He also needed to make sure he had enough left to teleport back.

Julius turned as he felt a presence moving towards him at high speeds. He stopped as he squinted at the figure on a broom, their form silhouetted by the Sun behind them.

His vision grew blurry momentarily as he prepared to transform. It would be a strange and suspicious sight to see the new Wizard King in the Boonies. But before he could do anything, the mysterious person landed in the clearing at an unnatural speed.

Julius’ eyes widened when he realized who it was.

“Aika?”

When Aika landed near the Swallowtail, she couldn’t believe who it was. She scrambled off of her broom and used it like a staff to lean on.

She could clearly see all of Julius now, no longer a bright, robed figure in the distance.

And my god was he a sight to behold.

His medals shone in the sun and his red, velvet cloak made him look like the king he was. When her eyes met his, they glinted gold for a moment and she had to remind herself to breathe. 

Though, the effect was slightly dampened by the fact that he was covered in lipstick marks.

“Aika?” he asked disbelievingly. She brought three fingers to her chest in a salute as she tamped down any tremors, whether it was because of her fatigue or emotions.

“Your Highness,” she intoned as she bowed her head. That’s it. He was only the Wizard King to her. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Oh,” he exhaled in amusement. “There’s no need for that. We are way past that. Please,” he said reassuringly. “Call me ‘Julius.’”

Aika’s face gingerly lit up into a grin. The expression felt strange on her face but she couldn’t help it. She was simply glad that they weren’t going to be awkward. She clutched her broom tighter before she could fall as she spoke.

“Well then, congratulations on becoming Wizard King, Julius,” she walked sluggishly towards the Swallowtail, still facing him. “How do you feel?”

His jaw fell slightly, momentarily surprised by her nonchalance. Most people’s attitude changed in the few moments he walked in his Wizard King attire. Even Marx, whom he was most familiar with, grew more serious. But he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. He seemed to be “just Julius” to her no matter how he was. His chest tightened at the thought. It was a strange sensation.

Julius rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish grin as he relaxed. There was no need for him to be officious with her after all had been said and done. 

“Well, the feeling hasn’t quite set it,” he began. “But, I do suddenly feel the urge to do something, change something,” he confessed, his eyes shining with determination. After their night of shared vulnerability, no matter how sourly it had ended, it felt natural to be himself with her.

He couldn’t help but grin when she looked away with a secretive smile. He knew he still had a chance. He simply needed to go slow this time.

“That’s good. I’m eager to see what kind of revolution you would raise.”

Julius had plans to make connections at the banquet and he had already had a draft of an awards system somewhere in his head. But for now, it was only them in this clearing. He could be himself. He pressed a finger to his lips and leaned forward as if to share a secret. 

“Shh, don’t tell anyone though,” he said playfully. “It’s a secret.”

Aika giggled despite herself.

“I suppose you are going to change the kingdom before the nobles even realize.”

“Exactly! You—” He quickly caught her as she stumbled. “Get it…” he finished quietly, concern strewn across his face.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Julius asked as he looked over her. She was beginning to sweat as she took shallow breaths. “Are you alright?”

Aika exhaled sharply when pain shot up her back.

“I’m fine,” she lied, waving him off as her jaw clenched. It didn’t go unnoticed by him. 

“No, you are not,” he hissed.

“Fine, I’m not,” she snapped back. “Just help me get close to the Swallowtail.” She stiffened when he wrapped an arm around her waist. Julius noticed and silently apologized as he guided her delicately.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

She sighed as she pressed herself against the magic device. There is no harm in telling him and he would need to know just in case he ever needed for her to do a forbidden spell or a ritual.

“I’m still weak from the spell on Saturday.” She brought the mana in the device carefully up to the surface and she felt her strength returning to her, bit-by-bit.

“Spell?” His brows furrowed. “What spell?”

“Remember the giant, blue fireball?” His eyes widened. She quickly clarified before he could think it was her who summoned fire. “Evan was the one who conjured up the fireball, not me. But he can’t control the spell so I had to use weg magic to take control of the spell and guide it towards the enemy while holding them in place.”

Julius looked at her with virtual stars in his eyes.

“So that Mana Zone spell was yours? And you guided that Sun in the sky?”

Aika grew bashful at the admiration in his tone.

“Ah, well, I had a lot of practice for Mana Zone and it wasn’t that big. I’ve seen bigger fireball spells,” she murmured as she bit her lip. 

“Bigger—” He took a double take as the twinkle in his eyes shone brighter. “Where!? I want to see a bigger fireball!”

She laughed at the cute expression on his face.

“I’ll show you sometime,” she promised as she continued to fill up her mana reserves. Aika was silently glad her plan worked. She was no longer sore all over, no doubt the life essence of her mana healing her, and she could stand unsupported.

Julius looked curiously between her hand and the Swallowtail.

“But why do you seem to be in pain? Fatigue is common for mana exhaustion but I have never heard of pain,” he remarked as he laid his own hand next to her, slowly sending out his magic into it. It was what he originally came here for after all.

She sighed heavily. Just thinking about it exhausted her.

“It is one of the side effects of using large amounts of corrupted magic. It is quite harmful to a human body.” Aika explained the long list of effects and how incapacitated it leaves her. “It’s quite painful but it’s incredibly useful so it has its pros and cons.”

She felt flattered by the worry on his face.

“Are there any long-term effects?”

“No, not that—” Well, there was the negative mana affecting everyone around her but it was only because of one ritual years ago. Using more negative magic hadn’t exasperated it thankfully. “Not that I’m aware of, no.”

Julius touched his chin thoughtfully as she continued.

“But please don’t hesitate to ask me to do any spells or rituals for the sake of the kingdom,” she laughed wryly. “I am the only person who could do them after all.”

“Ah, no, no. If it affects you this badly, I would never even think of asking you,” he assured her with a shining smile.

Aika fought off a grin. That...was really kind of him. Her Uncle was quick to jump on the offer and she was glad to be of use to help this kingdom but the concern…Her heart beat quickly at the thought.

No!

She mentally shook her head. He should be more concerned about the kingdom not her! What if she could help where no one could?

 “Please don’t think of me, think of the kingdom. If I could help, then I would. Whether you accept my help or not is an entirely different matter.”

Due to being particularly sensitive to magic at the moment because of the newly acquired mana, she felt a stab of Julius’ magic hit her.

“And besides, I like using it,” she whispered, the real truth unexpectedly slipping out.

What. Did he just— 

She quickly masked her shock and met his gaze. He surprisingly didn’t seem disgusted or judgemental at her confession. He just seemed lost in thought as he stared back at her.

“I see,” he simply uttered, his tone giving away nothing.

Usually, any other person’s first instinct would be to get mad at forcing the truth out of them, but Aika, who was quite adept at using backhanded tactics, was very impressed and curious. How on Earth could he use such magic? It seemed like a part of his natural attribute. He truly had a limitless magic potential. He could use Time Magic but that didn’t stop him from using some form of spatial and transformation magic, but also a hidden magic spell perhaps that could induce the truth out of somebody. And here she was, thinking he was a straight-laced, goody two-shoes Wizard King.

But, no real King is truly virtuous.

She cleared her throat before a giddy smile could slip through. It would have been exhausting to work with someone with a strict moral compass. Though, she shouldn’t be surprised after seeing him on the battlefield. He was terrifying.

“Well, I suppose you did help us gain a massive advantage with your help on the battlefield the other day. If you hadn’t wiped out the Diamond army, taking on both Spade and Diamond would have been disastrous for our troops.”

Aika hummed in agreement and decided to say nothing. Being complimented by anyone other than her Uncle was strange. No one could recognize her efforts because the Amulet of Ignorance ensured it and she preferred it that way.

A question struck her when she realized where they were.

“Julius?”

He looked at her questioningly.

“Why are you here in the first place? Don’t you have a banquet to attend?”

He grinned widely as he lifted his palm off of the Swallowtail.

“The banquet is in about half an hour and I’ve come to make my annual trip to deposit some magic in the Swallowtail. You know, for emergencies such as yours,” he winked slyly. 

Aika nodded in understanding, rolling her eyes at his jibe. She had also left some of her magic in there for emergencies.

“Well, you should clean up before going to the banquet then,” she said, looking pointedly at the ridiculous lipstick dotting his face. She threw her leg over the broom, ready to leave.

“Wait!” He quickly stopped her, an arm reaching out. “Could I drop you off at your place? You might still be tired.”

“Yes,” she blurted out. She was going to be her own ruin. Why was she doing this to herself?

“Great!” He placed a hand on her shoulder and they immediately found themselves in Aika’s living room.

“May I use the bathroom to wash my face?” Julius asked innocently. Oh, he was doing this on purpose, wasn’t he?

“That lipstick won’t come off with water. Most lipsticks used by women in the Noble Realm are magicked to stick on whatever surface they are applied on and the kind they used was the type of lipstick used to ‘mark people,’” she explained as she walked away. “I’ll go get some wipes for you.” He also seemed determined to stick around and he wasn’t even hiding it. Aika sighed internally. She needed to keep him at an arm's length. Even she cannot resist temptation.

Lost in her thoughts, she walked back to where Julius was, carrying a few wet wipes specifically made to wipe off makeup. Before she could realize what she was doing, she placed a wipe on his cheek as she angled his face to the side with her other hand.

The moment her bare hand touched his chin, Aika began to panic, though none showed on her face. In her mind, she began swearing in all the languages she knew, putting even the most seasoned sailors to shame. She was so used to tending to people that she completely forgot her determination to avoid these kinds of situations at all costs so her crush could go away, but, nooo.

And once she did something, she always stuck through. There was no backing out now.

Aika began wiping his face without hesitation but that didn’t stop her from berating herself.

Oh my fucking god. You are a fool, a whole clown, Aika. You should just quit your life, change your name and join your ex-fiance’s circus as a clown. It would fit you very well. Start practicing your honking now, you numbnut.

Wait, did he react? Wait, I don’t want to know. Oh, shit. I definitely want to know. No, you don’t. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don’tlookdon’tlookdon’tlook.

She looked. 

Julius was staring right into her very soul from underneath his lashes.

She quickly averted her eyes, a blush rising to her face as her heart seemed determined to break free from her ribcage. She regulated her breaths and willed them to be normal. Thankfully, she had a lot of practice.

But then, he ducked his head so she could have better access and innocuously pressed his cheek into her palm. To top it all off, he closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.

That’s it. Aika was dying. She was having a heart attack. She wanted to scream so badly. She could feel the room spin around her.

Why? Why did you lean in? Have you no shame? A woman wipes your face and you start making bedroom eyes at her? Oh my god ohmygodohmygod.

How she wished she had her amulet now. If she wore it for a while, everyone except a select few would forget she even existed.

Aika stared at his serene smile, his eyes still closed.

A frown crawled up her face. She started wiping faster, cradling his cheek with her hand while she wiped the few spots on his neck.

She refused to corrupt someone as sweet as him.

“What’s that face for?” Julius piped up, startling her. “Jealous?” he smirked.

Wow, you are completely shameless. Wait— Jealous?

“Oh, sure.” Aika rolled her eyes. “I’m jealous of the women who virtually attacked the Wizard King like a bunch of harpys, marking him with magic lipstick,” She leaned closer to his ear. “While I had his head between my legs.”

He turned away, blushing as he covered his mouth. Finally , he seemed flustered. He did not expect her to retort when she herself was panicking. Aika stepped away as she smirked, satisfied that there was no more lipstick nor that overconfident expression on his face.

“I’ll swing by your office tomorrow to drop some stuff off,” Aika called out as she walked away into the kitchen. Julius shook his head as he gathered himself and followed her. A blush still present on his face, he leaned against the doorframe as he watched Aika move around the kitchen. The very same kitchen where he was turned down.

“What stuff?”

He asked quietly as he buried the memories. Hopefully it wasn’t any kind of paperwork.

“Some stuff to help you as Wizard King and some other things I thought you might like.”

That peaked his interest.

“Oh? What kind of things?”

“Julius,” Aika turned to him, exasperated. “Don’t you have a banquet to get to?”

“You want to get rid of me already?” He asked cheekily, very reminiscent of that day.

“No, but I’m sure you would enjoy a good surprise as much as the next person and I really think you should go.” Her face softened. “Don’t you think it’s strange enough that you stuck around this long?” she asked quietly.

He fiddled with the edge of his sleeve.

“Maybe,” he looked up at her. “But it’s only so I could just be myself before I have to go deal with nobles,” he smiled wryly. “I find politics rather boring, you see. I‘m putting it off as much as possible.”

“Diplomacy is what gets things done in your position,” Aika imparted as she turned back around to arrange the dishes in the cabinet. Her aunt and uncle will move in tonight so she has to get everything in order. 

If Julius finds politics boring, then he may not be as effective. She quickly needed to rid him of that mindset. It would be hard to implement changes if he wasn’t persuasive or have any positive connections with the higher-ups.

“If you find it boring, I suggest you talk about your ideas and plans and observe who are open and who are not. You are quite impassioned about the things you like but I also suggest you keep the topics relevant,” she added lightly as she threw a smile over her shoulder. “Your ideas may also come off naive to the wrong people and could turn away many supporters but you have to stand your ground. Putting a neutral front may seem appealing but it’s only useful for maintaining the status quo,” she asserted as she looked Julius in the eye. “Not for a silent revolution.”

He gaped at her. Master Raymond made it sound as if her unsolicited advice was useless. He actually planned to stay neutral as she predicted but like she said, it wouldn’t get things done. How was she experienced in such things?

“I-I’ll try,” he finally got out. “Were you a ruler in your past life or something?” He asked jokingly. Aika laughed as she turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. She leaned back against the counter with a smirk as she asked,

“Julius, who do you think I am?”

He was slightly thrown off by the question.

“Uh, Aika Tolliver, Time Mage, Spymaster, and advisor to the 27th Wizard King?”

“Also the CEO of an international company,” she added.

Julius took a double take.

“What?!”

She palmed her face.

“So, Master Raymond didn’t tell you?”

“No?”

“God,” she groaned. “I’ll explain more later but I may not hold any political dominion but we are both C-Level executives and some of our tasks are quite similar even if our institutions are different. I am able to give you solid advice on such matters without being an actual ruler.” Aika fiddled with her pocket watch. “You should go.” She said as she guided him through the door and back into the living room. “It’s almost time for the banquet!”

He stumbled as he processed her words. Julius quickly laid a hand on her shoulder to stop her as he looked at her, dazed.

“Wait, so why do you insist on working for the Wizard King?”

Aika tamped down her irritation. There was no reason to get upset. He hasn’t fully transitioned into his duties and information he should be aware of about his staff.

She took a calming breath.

“Because, there are multiple prophecies that state that this continent would spell the end of the world. Everyone around the world know something is going to happen on this continent,” she said coolly. “No one outside are acquainted with the inner workings nor do they like this region. There are contingencies to contain the ‘end of the world’ but no efforts to actually stop it. Me being me, decided to volunteer to be the hero and you ,” she pointed a finger at Julius “are going to help whether you like it or not, understood?”

He blinked as a smile crawled up his face which quickly grew into a grin. That sounded quite exciting! Maybe his tenure as Wizard King may not be entirely boring with a mission like that!

“Y-Yes ma’am!” He let out a chuckle. “I hope you realize I’m only going to pester you with more questions when I see you next time.”

Maybe I do want you to come back and pester me, A voice in her head piped up intrusively.

“Yes, I’m aware,” she said rolling her eyes. “Now go!”

Julius saluted her with a mischievous grin and vanished.

Aika stood staring at the empty space where he was before pressing her head against the wall next to her with a deep sigh.

Why did he have to be at the Swallowtail right when I needed to? Why the fuck did I touch his face? And did he have to be obvious with his advances so much? What did he mean “just be himself?” She clenched her fist. The only way she could avoid overthinking was to throw herself into work.

She composed herself and held her head high. There was no time to dwell on such things. She examined her living room as she brought her to-do list to the front of her mind. She had a lot of things to clean, organize and pack.

Aika rolled up her sleeves and tied her hair back.

Time to get to work.

Notes: aiaiai that was a handful Julius figures out why Aika is avoiding him next chapter and you guys get one letter to figure out what he is LMAOOOOOO

[lady-divine-writes]

When an End is Really a Beginning (Rated M)

Summary:

Months after the Armageddon-that-wasn't, centuries after their adventures in Egypt, Crowley and Aziraphale have finally gotten to a place where they can be together in relative peace. And where the status quo seems nice and all, Crowley is ready to move forward. He hopes Aziraphale is willing to move forward with him. (1283 words)

Notes: As a patron of @whiteleyfoster, I had the honor of reading the ending to their amazing Prince of Omens comic. So, I wrote this as a thank you present (one of two). It contains no spoilers to the story that hasn't been made public yet. It's just a little epilogue that takes place after the events of the Good Omens mini-series, but includes the Prince of Omens version of the characters and references to their time in Egypt.

Read on AO3.

“Do you remember Egypt, angel?” Crowley asks, closing the book he’d been flipping through - one of about a hundred Aziraphale brought with him when he moved into Crowley’s flat. It’s a thick, rather daunting book titled Holy Treasures of Egypt. Crowley had sneered at it like a rival serpent when he saw it, but Aziraphale assured him that, like Crowley’s long lost Big Book of Astronomy, it was filled with more beautiful photographs than annoying words.

So Crowley gave it a go.

He ended up fixated on it all afternoon, reading it from the beginning - even the annoying words. He’d bring it closer when he thought he recognized a piece of art or jewelry, or to mock a particularly botched translation. Crowley had been so taken by the book, he even brought it to bed with him, focusing anxious energy on it instead of on his angel stripping off layers to join him.

“Egypt when?” Aziraphale chuckles, slipping his robe onto a nearby chair and climbing under the covers. “We’ve been there so many times! You have to be specific.”

“You know when,” Crowley answers softly - so softly, Aziraphale doesn’t hear it so much as it tugs at his heart.

“Remember?” Aziraphale says with a nostalgic smile. “Do you honestly think I could forget?”

“I don’t know,” Crowley mumbles self-consciously, worrying the edge of the blanket, rolling the fabric between his fingertips. “We’ve had quite the run. 6000 plus years crossing each others’ paths. The details could have gotten muddy on some of them.”

“My dear boy …” Aziraphale inches within a foot of Crowley and opens his own book “… I think our time in Egypt is the time you spent with me the longest. That was a first. Of course I’m going to remember it! And fondly so.”

“Was that … the only first you remember from that time?”

“No, and you know it, you old serpent!” Aziraphale teases. “That time was full of firsts. First kiss, first I love you … first time making love.” Aziraphale stops reading and sighs. He glances from his book to the demon beside him staring at the blanket in his hands hard enough to set it ablaze and wonders what’s going through Crowley’s mind.

It’s been months since the Armageddon-that-wasn’t, months since the non-executions that cemented their new freedom on Earth.

Months since they decided to go native and move in with one another.

They’ve made plenty of decisions in that time. Plenty of changes.

Crowley grew his hair out again. It’s pulled back now using the white ribbon Aziraphale gave him. The poor thing! Aziraphale thinks. If Crowley didn’t have his magic to keep it together, it would have disintegrated a long time ago. The great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandsaplings of the plant that came with it survived much the same way, and are happily potted in Crowley’s collection. As for the ribbon, Aziraphale knows Crowley keeps it on him at all times.

He discovered it in Crowley’s coat pocket when they switched bodies.

But it’s rare that he wears it, too afraid of losing it after all this time.

His wearing it now should be a sign, Aziraphale knows. He just needs to figure out a sign of what.

“Is there some reason you’re bringing it up, my dear?”

“No.” Crowley looks up to meet Aziraphale’s concerned eyes - eyes that know when he’s lying. “Yes. I guess, I just … I did a little math and today … well, I don’t know if you know this, but today’s kind of an anniversary … for us.”

“Is it?” Aziraphale asks, curious smile twitching his lips.

“Yes.”

“Which one?”

“The … uh …” Crowley’s cheeks pink as he remembers all three - one especially, even if it isn’t the point of the conversation. It amazes him that with the amount of times they’ve made love over the years - and the few times they’ve fucked - that that first time could make him blush like a teenager “… one that mattered most. The I love you.”

“Oh.” Aziraphale’s smile grows wider, making Crowley suspect he did know, even if he didn’t mention it. Why wouldn’t he mention it? “How do you suppose we should celebrate it then? We’ve already eaten dinner. We could go out dancing? To the cinema?”

“I got you a present,” Crowley admits. “I just … I might be a little nervous about giving it to you. Though, to be honest, I shouldn’t. I’ve done it once before.”

Aziraphale’s brow furrows. That he didn’t expect. “Oh?”

“Yes.”

“Consider me curious.” He sets his book aside and inches closer. “Please … may I have it?”

“Give me your hand.”

Aziraphale’s heart stops before he can move. He means to say sure. He means to say yes! But neither word comes out of his mouth. He lifts the hand closest off his lap - his right hand. Crowley shyly shakes his head.

“The … the other one, angel.”

Aziraphale swallows hard. He raises his left hand and gives it to Crowley. “This one?”

“Yes.” Crowley takes Aziraphale’s hand in his and starts sliding something down his ring finger. Aziraphale doesn’t see where it comes from. It could be that Crowley was holding it this whole time. When it reaches Aziraphale’s last knuckle, Crowley brings it to his mouth and kisses it. He returns Aziraphale’s hand to his lap and Aziraphale sees it: a shimmering gold band, Egyptian inspired - a serpent with ruby red eyes wrapped around itself.

Same as the circlet Crowley once wore in his hair.

“Oh, Crowley!” Aziraphale gushes, bringing the ring up to his face for a closer look. “This is … it’s exquisite!”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes! Yes, I …” Aziraphale peeks up, raises a brow. “Did you …?”

Crowley’s pink cheeks go flame red. He rolls his eyes. “No, angel! I bought this one. Actually, I had it made special. I thought it only fitting.”

“Fitting?” Aziraphale closes his hand into a fist, holds it against his heart.

“Yes. You and me, we’re one of a kind, I think. An angel and a demon in love? Don’t see that every day, do you? So I thought, you know, a one of a kind relationship requires a one of a kind ring. An …” Crowley clears his throat but his voice dips as if he’s not necessarily trying to be heard … in case he’s wrong “… engagement … ring.”

Aziraphale’s eyes go saucer wide, his entire face glowing with light shimmering from within. Regardless of what’s happened to them, of what Gabriel and the Archangels have said, what Heaven and Hell have done, no one, not even God Herself, could take that glow away from him.

That glow, in all its magnificence, is completely Aziraphale.

“Crowley, this is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen in my whole existence! Thank you! Thank you so much!” Just when Crowley thinks Aziraphale will lean in for a kiss, he turns his face to the side, bites his lower lip. “But … it’s left me a little embarrassed.”

And while color rises to Aziraphale’s cheeks, it drains from Crowley’s. “Why is that?” he asks, since that wasn’t his intention.

Not by a long shot.

But the color returns with a vengeance when he sees Aziraphale reach into the pocket of his pajama top and pull out a small black box.

A small black box nearly identical to the one Crowley hid underneath his pillow when he came to bed.

“It seems …” Aziraphale opens the box, revealing a silver band molded into the shape of two wings with a blue stone in between and offering it to a starstruck Crowley, “I may have gotten you a similar present.”

[trippydwarf]

Revised, edited. and added only a little.

NSFW

Waking up in the passenger seat of a car, I bring my free, right hand to my face in a sluggish way. I squeeze the warm hand that swallows my petite southpaw. It squeezes back with reassurance and affection. Turning my face from the window to my driver, I smile sleepily while laying my head back on the seat. I gaze at him while the sun is nearly set on his opposite side. There is a blend of oranges and pinks covering the ceilings of the outside. Puffs of purple clouds dotted the skies. The sun was hardly peaking out, but just enough to slightly irritate my fresh, awakened eyes; but it highlighted him in every way. As his eyes stayed on the road, I could see the sun shining dark shades of amber and carmel into them. He peeks at the corner of his eyes my way, grinning back at me with a smile that lights up any room he enters. “Mmm, you’re awake finally,” he stated with the slightest excitement in his voice as if he couldn’t get enough of my attention.

“Where are we now?” I asked looking around for signs. Not one single sign. Not even in the near distance of what I can see from the light darkening with the time passing by. I look out the window on the side of me and see boulders and dirt, no not dirt, sand. Arizona, a beautiful state from all directions. There’s beauty in the nature of it, how the deserts dehydrate everything with it’s blazing sun rays. Only having limited sources to test the survival of what lives among its dunes.

“About three hours away from our destination,” he answered as he pretended I knew his plan. He has been so unpredictable these past couple weeks. Never telling me what we’re doing or where we’re, yet I follow his lead trusting him without even thinking twice. Having just left Las Vegas, I look at the positioning of the sun to attempt to reveal what direction we’re heading to. I reminisce in past conversations of ours conversing about the places I’ve never been to. The list is slightly shorter now, but it still has length.

“Grand Canyon,” I blurted out as if I was in a tangent. There was a silence that filled the air as he just smiled, not admitting if I was right or not.

“Am I starting to get predictable?” he questioned.

“Is it always such a bad thing?” I answered with a question of my own.

“I like to keep you on your toes,” finally ending the question game with a real answer.

I smile while looking in his direction. I glance down at our hands intertwined as they always are when we drive together. Being apart for so long will do that to a couple of soulmates. “It’s okay, I’m excited!” feeling pumped about the fact that I’m going to experience another beautiful, rare piece of scenery that nature gas provided for the world to be in awe of.

“That’s good, Baby,” he sounded as there was relief in his voice, “I love it when you’re happy.”

I give his hand a tighter hold. I can’t believe mine is in his, finally. We’ve waited and suffered for such a long time without each other. Two people can only be without one another for so long until they can struggle no more to fight the gravitational pull that brings them together. It is forced with emotion and mentality. Finally, being able to feel and release that passion we both have desired so greatly is an unbelievable sensation. I never want to let this go. I never want to let him go. If he could hold me forever, it would mean I was in Heaven.

For a long while, we were with other people, or more like monsters of manipulation and control. Unhappy and withering away we were, not being able to express our true selves. It was as if we were living lives that we thought were fate doomed by our bloodlines and karma. I went through the cycle not once, but twice. I had lost myself nearly completely the second time around. I let normality take over and it dragged onto me until I was completely miserable with what I set myself up with. I didn’t let normality win for the sake of attempting to save myself from the disapproval of society. I did it because, at one time, someone else depended on me. That poor unfortunate boy was cursed to have a mother who’s not nearly worthy to experience his upbringing and growth. Alas, I believe he is much better without me. They all are.

For nearly five years, I stayed imprisoned along with my depression and suicidal thoughts that I was too much of a pussy to go through with. Along with emotional abandonment and mental abuse knocking at the door of my deteriorating mental health, my hate for living grew so much that I walked around as a stoned zombie for months. It was just to quiet the thoughts that could be so loud sometimes that it was as if I couldn’t hear anything else happening around me. Now, I want to hear every thought that pops into my brain. Recently, I have only endured into the sweet essence of THC for pure enjoyment, instead of a numbing mechanism since I abandoned my old life.

After these past couple weeks, I don’t think I would ever want to imagine being without him again. It was such a loveless and traumatic experience to do so. I had believed that the world would always be cold, and that I would be forever frozen in it; he wasn’t going to let that happen. I’m sure he didn’t even hesitate to decide that I was going to be his to save. I’m convinced it was his plan from the first “hello” we shared. Before we physically met, we grew a connection that may be unbreakable. Not even the strongest forces going against it can ruin what we’ve manifested. Day and night, we’d stay in contact in some sort of way. His voice would replace the music coming from my car radio as I would lug myself to work and back to hell. Those days I couldn’t have the pleasure to listen to his sweet words coming from his lips were sometimes the worst. My mind can be at rest knowing that I won’t have to live that way anymore.

It’s like time goes by at hyper-speed when we are together. Having eternity with each other now, yet that just isn’t enough for me. So much time was wasted procrastinating out of fear and guilt. I remember so vividly what our first face-to-face encounter was like as it really wasn’t that long ago. My problems were mine no more once his arms swallowed my body and our lips pursed together naturally and passionately. That feeling when everything horrible that has happened to me ceased to exist. As if I really only started living at that moment, the rest of the time was just merely surviving what agony I’d dealt with.

The sun set and we are still on the road. Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon are only about four hours apart. We are now about twenty minutes away from the destination of our next adventure before going back to Florida. We had been through half the country in such a short time. Missing his only child, we plan to head home after seeing the stars in Arizona over the canyon. A part of me wants to travel forever with this man, but I’m too excited to meet his little one. A person to give my motherly love to, but not having him be forced to only depend on me for that bond a child naturally desires. I already ran away from that once and he already has a mother for that.

The sky slowly popped with stars as the background faded to dark colors. We come to a stop. He puts the car in park, resting his head on the seat, and inhaling real deep. As he was exhaling, he sounded relaxed. He turns his head towards me and shines that sweet smile at me. I love that smile, oh Lord. “Are you ready, Love?” he gently asked me with a calmness in his voice.

“Yes, Dear,” replying with the same calmness in my voice, returning a grin. It’s odd because I always assumed love was like it was supposed to be in the movies. I thought love were hands that tremble and knees that are weak. It was supposed to put butterflies in your stomach. That’s not how I feel at this moment with him. When he looks at me, I feel at peace. It’s like we’re the only ones, like we’ve always been the only ones, on Earth for each other. He’d never hurt me, at least never in a way I wouldn’t take liking to.

We both exit out the vehicle in unison. Meeting at the trunk, we start unpacking the sleeping bags to lay on. I carry one as he carries another to a spot not too far from the car. I look back as the headlights shine on us. It was almost blinding. My eyes had to adjust afterward. He holds my hand the whole way there, I’m guessing in case I lose my footing. He unrolls, unzips, and spreads out the sleeping bag he was carrying. Then, he takes the one I’m holding and does the same on top of the first one. He suddenly turns towards me with an “I forgot something” expression on his face, “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.”

“Where would I even-,” I decided not to finish my sentence because he couldn’t hear me anyway. I look at the car, the direction he was walking in. He gets into the trunk and it looks like he grabbed the beer cooler. He comes back and sets the cooler at the edge of the sleeping bag. He sits down close to where I’m standing, on the side of me. I was still not seated with him because I was just in awe at how beautiful the world really can be. I was soaking up all of its glory. It set me into a daze.

All of a sudden, I was pulled to the ground while my head was in the stars. I find myself in his muscular arms once again. He is always so warm, as it is quite chilly in Arizona at night. I feel his body underneath mine as he just holds me with a random playlist in the background from his phone. It’s always those moments that are true bliss. It’s that “let me hold you forever” type moment. I raise my head off his brawny chest and look deep into his eyes with a relaxed smile. “Hi.”

He smiles back at me, “Hey there, how are you?”

“I’m fine now,” I smile far wider than before. It’s true. I’m fine as long as I never have to remember that lifeagain. I will be okay as long as I have him. He makes it all better.

He’s still smiling at me, starstruck by love. “This time I believe you,” he admits to me as I remember a texting conversation we had once. I had told him that I was fine one day, and he asked me to never lie to him. He knew, then, that I would never be all right if we weren’t together and neither would he.

Right now, I feel so safe. Burrowing into his muscular chest, I will never want anyone else. How could I? He’s utter perfection. This massive gentleman stands nearly a foot over me. I’ve always liked my men tall. He is built like a machine with his muscles tightening the sleeves of his shirt. Veins that run down and disappear as they run down his wrists. His clothing tightens at his shoulders and upper back, fitting him snugly. His neck is strong and is partly hiding behind the scruffiness of his dark facial hair. It conceals half of his face with a short beard with a smile in the middle of it. His cheeks are round with a button nose, yet still masculine. Eyes, that are a deep brown, look into my soul through his black framed glasses. Head shaved like a badass, although I’m sure he looks great with hair too.

We admired our surroundings for a considerable amount of time. All of a sudden, we switch positions swiftly. I’m not difficult for him to maneuver by any means. I find this fact to be an advantage for what he is capable of doing to me. Nibbling at my neck to my lips, he kisses me passionately while one hand supports his body and the other is holding me by the hip. Pulling me closer to him, as he is clearly indicating that he wants to become one within me. I sense his excitement teasingly rubbing against me. I then grab his hip and pull him, aggressively, even closer to me. My hand wanders from his hip to his groin while the other is on his back pulling his shirt closer over his head. My hand grazes over scratches I had left on his skin from times before when he has convinced me with his talent to completely lose control. We are both aggressive lovers. Almost like we fight for dominance. Every now and then he lets me win, but not very often. I prefer my man to be stronger than me in all aspects. I wish, now, to taunt the monster within him to be unleashed onto me as I reach for his member from inside his boxers that had yet been removed. I need to let him satisfy my every sexual desire at this very second.

My top was already half missing, as I like to strut in crop tops often, making it easy for anyone to see my midriff and only for him to reach inside to feel my precious bosoms that his hands cup perfectly around. I enjoy the sensation of his fingertips gently caressing my ribs as if he is counting each one over and over. We slowed down to not miss this memory we are creating here under the stars in Arizona by. I gracefully lift my shirt from over my head as I am underneath his kneeling body. He works diligently at unbuttoning my shorts, removing them briskly to get to what will fill his hunger.

His lips lead from my sternum, down my navel with sweet kisses of appreciation. This way he lets me know that he treasures what is truly, and has always really has been, his. I feel his facial hair tickling my waistline as he hesitates for a moment. Then, he moves his sweet, tender kisses to both sides where my hips and my upper thighs lay. Covered in scars from my own destruction, he sees the beauty in every single cut that used to be there. It’s like he removes every horrific thought that led to me taking my lack of controllability out on my body.

He knows that the temptation for me to mutilate my body still exists to some extent. I can’t always be in control and I can’t accept it. Part of this trip was to educate me into having someone else take the lead. This is why I am so oblivious to where we’re going the majority of the time. It wasn’t easy for me at first, but I accepted this challenge to defeat the way I like to inflict pain onto myself. My anxiety has yet to take over yet. My comfortability with him is strange. I’ve never been so easy to take over and put a spell under, but he does me that way and I like it.

I’m completely exposed, not an inch of clothing on my body. With my entire body, naked, for him to explore. He goes right for the gold with his face, nibbling and licking the inside of my lower lips and clitoris. His tongue grazes in between the lips in an upward position towards the most sensitive area. The pleasure surges through my body, making it so hard to stay composed. I push his head into my pelvis and reposition my hips in hoping to get a more intense sensation. Having his hand around my ass to press me into his mouth, and the other hand is working down below. I feel everything ten times more than I ever did as he’s really going at it in so many directions. Finally, deciding to let out a moan out of pure ecstasy. “Mmm, Henry!” Calling out his name as I root for him to go further than what we already have.

He moves his half-way taken off shorts down to his ankles, getting them lost among the bottom of the sleeping bag. Henry, then, matches our pelvic areas to be insync with one another. Taking his left hand to my right thigh, he feels me down and then lifts my leg on to his shoulder. This puts my knee near my head. He is raised up to where we can make eye contact. Usually being uncomfortable with that, but with him I don’t mind. He comes face-to-face, almost close enough to kiss, but not quite. Knowing that he is teasing me by hesitating and ceasing all action except for angling his appendenge just right for me to barely feel it, he waits to see how long I can resist him.

As I can not anticipate waiting anymore, I pull him by his shoulders closer to me. I kiss him hard, and end it with an antagonistic bite of his lip. Then pushing him away and lowering my leg off his shoulder gently while looking at him playfully, he lets me take over. We switch positions once again as if we are dancing. I am now on top of Henry, with only the other sleeping bag covering us. With both of his in mine, I pin them over his head and lean down to kiss him once more. I let go of his hands and slowly felt him all the way down while I descended down to his penis to wrap my mouth around it. I play with the tip with my tongue, shove as much as I can in my mouth, and then back out as a tease. I cup his balls with my hand and deep throat him. I hear him indulging into this moment. He has a handful of my hair clinched in his hands. I put my hand on top of his on my head, pushing it down at a slow pace. my jaws widening to take in all of his masculinity. Struggling to keep hold of it long, I regurgitate it back out.

It is at this time, I come back up to face-to-face with my lover. I have one leg on each side of him with my lady bits resting on his junk. I kiss up his neck while his hand is in mine. Then, I pin up his hand above his head, so I support my weight to reach underneath me. I take a hold of his shaft and strike myself into the portal in between my legs. I gasp in response to the overwhelming sensation of being in one with my soul mate once again. He thrusts upward into me and it makes me arch my back and let out a soft moan. At the same time, I am steadily rocking on his dick. He grabs my petite waist and pushes hard up against me once again and again. We have a synchronized rhythm going. The beat to our song gets faster and I am almost to climax. I can feel the sweat drip down my spine in the crisp cold, desert air. It’s coming from all the work and pleasure I’ve put into this rendezvous. The blood feels hot in my body as my heart is beating like a hummingbird’s. I am so close to orgasming, I beg for him not to stop. “Take me,” I moan out, “have me, please!”

At my request, Henry sits up and gets from underneath me. Before I could look to see what he’s doing, I felt his warm body behind mine as we were both facing the same direction and on our knees. Now, the blanket is completely removed and I only have him for warmth. I feel his breath on my neck and ear. Our skin sticks due to us sweating in such a climate. One of his hands was holding me up to him and the other was reaching inside of me. He nibbles and tugs on my ear with his teeth. Chills go down my spine, and my heartbeat is so loud; as I am so turned on by the fact that he is about to take total control. He whispers an order in my ear seductively, “lay down.”

As he wishes, I do as he says like the good girl that I am. As I make the motion to turn towards him; he grabs my hip and stops me. “No, stay right there,” he says as I remain on my stomach by his command. He positions himself in between my legs. Moving his large cock to where it needs to be, he has one hand working it in as the other is softly gripping my neck. I felt pressure come within me and I groaned as I took him in. Henry lays on top of me, but supports himself enough not to hurt me. I can feel his breath on my ear again. He bites my neck with slight aggression, enough to make me loud.

Removing his hand from my neck to grabbing my hair and somewhat tilting my head back, he thrusts hard into me again and again. The more he goes on, the more I am enjoying every inch. My hands are clinching the sleeping bag in hopes of not losing it just yet. I am nearly to the point of releasing what sexual tension he has built up. I sound as I am gasping for air, enjoying him too much. I feel him lay closer to me and he turns my face towards him and kisses me from my lips onto my neck. “Why are you so perfect for me?” He asks in my ear as he is slowly pumping into me in an affectionate way.

The burly man lifts up off of me, “I want you to turn around, please,” almost as if he was asking instead of demanding. This was nearly as much of a turn on because it was like he had gotten romantic, all of a sudden, instead of being the crazed sex monster that had just preformed. I turned around as he asked. He slips both of my legs upon his shoulders to sense a different angle to get off on. He focuses on putting his tip at the beginning of my hole. Then, unhurriedly sunk each inch into me. Leaning closer to me, he is trying to test my limits. How flexible am I? How far can he get in at this angle? Will it be too deep for me?

I grow quiet in response to the amount of dopamine that my body is releasing into my system. I am almost in shock of how good he makes me feel. He enjoys it as much as I do, I’m sure. “Are you okay?” He is always so reassuring, making sure that everything is within my consent. Someone who is a true gentleman is hard to comeby.

“mmhhmm, just keep going,” I said in a soft voice as I’m not sure why I was still holding everything in. Maybe it’s because I’m testing his limits as well. I want to see how far he’ll go to get a rise out of me, or if he’ll let go before I do. Does he dare let me think he can’t keep up with me? I highly doubt it. He may be quite a few years my elder, but he is far more healthier than I am; even after all the damage his body has been through in his lifetime.

He stopped sliding in and our faces were towards one another. Foreheads and noses touching, I could almost kiss him. We just gaze into each other’s eyes for a moment as there is absolutely nothing in between us anymore. He pulls out and pushes back in repeatedly. His rhythm is growing rapidly, but soft enough that it is intensifying every nerve. I hold on to his thighs to feel more of him, but the sensation is so breathtaking that I almost go numb from feeling so good. Out of my control, I feel my fingernails dig into his thighs and I hear him grunt softly from it; Only making him keep on going.

Henry leans up, leaving my legs on his shoulders, and with him still inside. He reaches for my throat again, leaving him in charge of me completely. His other hand is supporting his weight, while holding my hand. Still giving it to me in the best way, he squeezes a little tighter around my throat and fucks me longer and harder. I love being tested. It isn’t just to test my limits, but to test my trust for him. Only he can turn me on in this way, for he is the only one I truly trust. My free hand is digging my nails into his shoulder once more. His poor back has been torn up since we’ve been together, but I just can’t help myself. We are both breathing so heavy, that I almost can’t hear the music. He is as sweaty as I am, and I don’t mind at all.

In an instance, I feel a sudden gush of release from two different angles. At this moment, I nearly scream in climax, “Oh! mmm, Henry!” and both of us stopped and our bodies went limp from exhaustion. My legs were shaking from all that they’ve endured. We are both out of breath, and we rest while we try to catch it. There is quite a mess in between us, a constant result that happens when we do such things together.

After a few moments of rest, we are still so tired from loving each other so hard. The man’s thick arm reached over my head to grab his shirt. He, then, gives it to me. “Ladies first,” he offered.

I take his shirt and wipe myself off as best as I could. I give it back for him to do the same. Henry sits up and collects some sort of clothing items on the side of him. “Here Vee, I knew you wouldn’t want to go searching for those,” he said as he was handing me a clean t-shirt from his clothes. I take it out of his hand and give him a kiss as a thank you.

We both get half-way decent just so we can snuggle up to one another. I face towards him, so I can see his eyes twinkle along with the sky. He stares back at me and I feel at home. He doesn’t have any ulterior motives. He just wants to love me and to have me. Henry really strives to just see me happy, but what is happiness if I’m not with him? I smile sweetly at him, feeling at ease in his arms right now. “You are so fucking beautiful,” Henry pointed out, “I love you.” He kisses my forehead with tenderness.

“And I, you, Dear,” I smile and nuzzle into his fitted chest once again tonight. The music is still playing in the background. After being satisfied at such great measures, I am growing tiresome. My eyes drift closed due to being so heavy. I hardly hear the radio as I am actually listening to his heart beat for me. It has become my nightly ritual to make it my lullaby. It’s the best song I have ever heard and it’s like it was only written for me. He is only for me as I am only for him. There’s nobody else anymore. I can fall asleep with him tonight being at peace with that.

I don’t feel the sort of stickiness I’m used to from sleeping outside. Arizona is a dry climate. Humidity doesn’t exist in a place like this. When I open my eyes, I immediately realize that I’m not next to my other half. Where did he go? I think to myself as I rub my eyes and situate his shirt correctly onto my body. I stand up and notice my feet were bare. It hardly bothers me anymore. I’m growing more comfortable with every inch of my body as I spend more time inder Henry’s influence. I feel the rock solid ground underneath me. It’s warming up from the rays in the sky, not yet burning my feet. It must be quite early in the morning here in the Grand Canyon. I walk carefully to the vehicle, avoiding any stubbing of the toes. Creeping to the trunk, I stop feeling panicked looking for him as I’ve spotted him trying to make himself decent to gather our belongings and hit the road. He never wastes any time.

“Good morning, Gorgeous!” he roars out of excitement. I am not a morning person. He is my polar opposite when it comes to that. I adore that about him. It makes mornings a lot easier to deal with. The fact that I, now, have the desire to really and truly live makes it easier.

“Mm, good morning to you,” I reply sleepily as I walk up behind him. I rest my head into his back as I wrap my arms around him, with my hands on his chest. No matter how hot it is, we’re never close enough.

He closes the trunk and turns towards me. Looking down my direction with his dough brown eyes, “are you —.”

“PANCAKES!” I perked up, all energized, answering his question before it could escape his lips.

“—hungry...” he smiled as he finished his sentence involuntarily. Henry kisses my forehead and gazes back down at me, “let’s go get pancakes.”

“Yum!” I say excitedly, yet quietly. We both head down to our canyon love pallet to pack it away. Working as a team, we have it all put away in a hurry. Then, I get dressed in a My Chemical Romance black tee with white cut-off shorts. I always strut my black Vans with the translucent rainbow checkers and classic white line. My shoelaces are straight laced. I have little-to-no fear if someone sees my body as I trade outfits. There’s only me and him.

We are all ready and set to go to get pancakes from the nearest town, wherever that is. I pull out my new phone, because why would I need my old number or old phone? “Hey, Siri!” I demand an answer from the AI on my phone. I look at Henry until I get an answer. That’s a thing I do. I just like to look at him. Take in every detail at any moment. Sometimes Siri is stuck on buffering mode anyway.

[sgt-revolver]

ULTIMATE Beatlemaniac Tag!

I was tagged by @ourladylennon and @johns-prince to complete this questionnaire. Thanks for the tags, I honestly really enjoyed answering these questions.

How long have you been a fan?: I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember. I always loved hearing their music on the radio and my music teacher was a fan, so he’d regularly play their music in his lessons and on one occasion I saw like the first 30 minutes of A Hard Day’s Night. I think I only got as far as the scene with John in the bath before he turned it off. But it’s only been during the last 2 and a half years that I’ve listened to them more often, and I’ve finally listened to all the albums all the way through. Now I’m a huge fan and can’t live without their music.

Favorite Beatle: John. It’s always been John for me, even back when I was a kid he was my favourite.

Favorite era for music: I’ll always have a soft spot for their early-mid era music, around 64-66 is my absolute favourite.

Favorite era for lewks: Teddy boy and the whole of 1966 for me. They simply looked so fucking cool around those two eras. The teddy boy era was just hot with all the leather they wore and how they tried to make themselves look ‘tough’, and during 1966 that entire year seemed to be a huge transitional period which mixed with their earlier career and how they looked later on.

Favorite song: This changes, and I do not have only one favourite song. I’ll always love Strawberry Fields Forever, it is always up there as one of my favourites. Same with I am the Walrus. I also love If I Fell, Nowhere Man, In My Life, I’m Only Sleeping and Something. There’s more but this answer will be too long if I keep going.

Favorite album: Revolver, no question. My username is based off it too.

Unpopular/Controversial Beatles opinion: Not necessarily unpopular but I really don’t like Yoko Ono as a person. I wish she didn’t try to make herself part of the band, it’s actually really infuriating. I don’t like to talk about this sort of thing so I’ll leave it at that.

A song everyone loves but you dislike: Ok I don’t necessarily dislike these songs, but I think Hey Jude and Let it Be are overrated.

A song everyone dislikes but you love: Run for your Life, Blue Jay Way and Revolution 9. I’m not really sure why Blue Jay Way isn’t well liked its underrated imo.

Your fantasy involving The Beatles: Seeing them live in concert, before they become big and go to America, preferably in Hamburg or at the Cavern Club. It must have been amazing to be able to be where they started out before Beatlemania, the atmosphere omg yes please. After the show I’d try to do anything I can to meet them, but I suspect I’d end up being so starstruck it would be painfully awkward, but it would be so worth it.

Tell us about the moment you knew you were a fan: There is no one moment I knew I was a fan, but I guess I realised I was a big fan when I listened to their albums all the way through, and I enjoyed them. There’s also the time when I watched the Eight Days a Week documentary and I couldn’t help but love them so much.

Did you ever have a genuine ‘The Beatles suck!’ phase before becoming a fan?: Nearly. This was after I became a fan but a long time ago, I kept hearing constantly how they’re not that good from people I know irl and it almost got ingrained in me for no reason at all. I’m glad I didn’t have that phase, otherwise I would be beating myself up for it now.

Favorite Beatles book: I haven’t read any yet, but I really want to and I’m not sure where to buy any (I’m a bit iffy about buying off Amazon)

Thoughts on the old generation of fans: They can be a bit full of themselves, but I like hearing their stories and their preferences on their favourite albums. Most of the older generation of fans I personally know seem to love John and hate Paul, so I automatically think they’re all the same but I know that’s not true.

If Hollywood were to make a high budget Beatles biopic, what is one thing you desperately hope they include?: I’m personally unsure if I want a Beatles biopic as I know they’ll mess everything up but I want them to include the strong bonds formed with each other and that they never actually hated each other.

Do you read/write fanfic?: I read a lot of fanfic, but I’m not confident with my writing ability so I don’t write anything. Yet.

Are you the only one in your family/friend group to enjoy them?: Both my mum and my dad claim to be fans. My step dad loves them though, yet every time I bring it up with him when he mentions them he ignores me completely, and its painful. My friends either think they’re overrated (they’ve probably only listened to Hey Jude, All you need is love and Yesterday) or they just don’t care/don’t know who they are. And if anyone I know is interested in them, they just mansplain everything to me so I can’t really enjoy listening to them or talking about them with others irl.

Are you a shipper?: Yeah I am.

Favorite movie starring/made by them?: A Hard Day’s Night.

Do you believe in McLennon?: I believe they were soulmates, definitely.

General opinions on McLennon?: They loved each other, there is no doubt about it. The signs are obvious, like the eye fucking, how they were literally inseparable for years and their LSD trip they had together. I do think it was mostly platonic though, and that any romantic attraction was one sided from John. I think Paul was oblivious to some of John’s feelings for him during the 1960s and that upset him.

If you got to change ONE thing about their history, what would it be and why?: The break up, they hurt each other’s feelings so much from all the suing and fighting they were miserable. I would make sure they ended things more amicably and I’d make sure Allen Klein does not get a look in at all during 1969. Seeing Paul get hurt like that is awful.

What song has the best vocals?: This is a real hard one to answer, but I’d say Twist and Shout, Helter Skelter and Norwegian Wood.

What song do you feel had no effort put into it?: Wild Honey Pie.

What is a well talked about moment in Beatles history you genuinely believe to be false?: Yoko wasn’t fully responsible for the break up the Beatles. I believe it was everyone’s fault to some extent, some more so than others. I think John caused the most damage to the band as a result of him putting in nearly no effort and having Yoko on his shoulder every day. Ringo quitting for two weeks is when I believe things were really starting to fall apart, and they never really recovered from that.

What is something you KNOW to be true, but often gets erased in their history?: John was bisexual, he’s pretty much admitted it as well. It gets dismissed constantly though. All of the Beatles were nice, amicable men who had their flaws and did what they can to become better people. None of them were gods, and none of them were inherently terrible people. John and Yoko’s relationship was toxic and incredibly unhealthy. They weren’t as happy together as the books and the Lennon estate make them out to be.

Least favorite look from a Beatle(s): John’s Sgt Pepper moustache. It just didn’t suit him, but then there was his beard from 1969. The beard looked disgusting and way too messy. I don’t think he made any attempt to keep it clean and that he just didn’t give a fuck about it, he just left it there to get worse and worse each passing day.

Favorite look from a Beatle(s): Shea Stadium, on all of them. But when John’s sweaty and his hair is a mess, he just looks fantastic. I also love the suits all four of them wore in Cincinnati in 1966.

I’ll tag @princessleiaqueen @theliverpoolsoldier @underwallsandbridges and @latinxbeatles and anyone else who wants to do it. Don’t feel like you have to do this, but I love reading everyone’s answers :)

[mirkwoodshewolf]

That would be enough; Old!Roger Taylor x reader

*Author’s note*

Alright in honor of yet another Queen member’s bday this month one week after his friend and brother Brian, HAPPY 70TH BIRTHDAY ROGER MEDDOWS TAYLOR!! From all of us to you we hope you have a great birthday and always keep rocking and being your awesome self. Now this is my first time ever writing a current Roger Taylor fanfic so I hope I get it right and I hope you all enjoy this. So not really any warnings except swearing and a tad bit of angst but it’s all FLUFFY FEELS in the end. Enjoy my lovelies :)

Queen Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@ixchel-9275

@geek-and-proud

@queendeakyy

@waddles03

@coolcxt

_________________________________________________________

It all began in the winter 2016 when we were asked to perform live at the Grammy’s.  By we; I mean Adam Lambert, myself and Brian.  We were on the stage to wait the arrival of another artist we would be performing along with for the award show.  Apparently she’s a big name in America specifically on the Broadway spectrum. I would know because my daughters can’t stop listening to her recent musical she was in, “Hamilton.”

“Brian, Roger, Adam.” The producer called out to us. There walking beside him was a beautiful young woman around her early 30’s with (h/l) (h/c).  But what struck out to me was her eyes, she had the same blue eyes as I did, in fact she almost resembled me to a degree.  Hell looking back on all the times I dressed in drag, it was like looking at an exact copy. “I’d like the three of you to meet the performer you’ll be singing (y/n) (l/n).”

“Hello, I know you lot get told this a lot but—you guys were such an inspiration to me growing up. And Adam, you’ve got a range that I’ve never heard on any performer.”

“And what of you? Mrs. Eliza?” Adam vocalized which made her giggle.

“Hamilton fan I assume?”

“Girl are you kidding me? The second I heard about the album from a friend of mine I couldn’t stop listening to it. Your tickets are nearly impossible to get now.”

“I know. I never expected it to boom as it did. But as soon as Lin called me about the script and wanted me to be a part of it, I knew I had to get involved. It’s unlike any musical I’ve been in before.”

“I’ll admit my youngest daughter loves the show and couldn’t stop talking about it when we were in New York.” Brian spoke up.

“Oh wow I’m honored Mr. May.”

“Oh love, Mr. May was my father, please call me Brian.” The two shook hands with each other and she then turned to me. God she looked so familiar not just with my looks but she also had the looks of someone I once knew a long time ago.

“And the famous Roger Taylor. I must say it’s because of you I sought out the drums in my middle and high school band.” I snapped out of my daze and we shook hands with each other and said.

“I bet you were probably the best drummer there ever was.”

“Indeed, got my band to win Districts every year.” She said. “Would’ve gotten state champion my junior year of high school but unfortunately a few of the kids in the strings had to screw up the notes.”

“Been there before, mostly with this guy’s strings breaking.” I gestured toward Brian.

“Oh well forgive me but at least I wasn’t the one who forgot the lyrics to my own song.”

“I thought I told you to never mention that again!” I hissed leaving Adam and (y/n) to laugh.

“So shall we run some sound checks for a bit? I was told we’ll be performing after Pink.” (y/n) stated and we were all in agreement.

Throughout the day I couldn’t stop thinking about (y/n). Just the way she presented herself on stage just reminded me of someone but I just couldn’t figure it out.  After rehearsal one before the Grammys would begin in just 4 days, I sat in my dressing room when Brian came in and asked me.

“What is it mate? You’ve been out of sorts all day, what’s going on?”

“Brian, did…..did (y/n) look familiar to you?”

“You mean besides the fact she’s a Broadway star?”

“Brian I’m serious there was just something about her that just…..seemed familiar. Like I’ve seen her before.”

“You’re probably just overthinking this Rog, come and have a drink with Adam, (y/n) and I tonight. Adam’s buying this time after all.” I nodded and followed Brian to meet (y/n) and Adam outside.

We managed to find a nice restaurant pub nearby and as we ate a well earned late supper, Brian asked (y/n).

“So (y/n). How did you get involved with Broadway?”

“Well….it’s because of my mom. She was in Broadway, hell it’s been a tradition in my mom’s family. She was just a dancer but she was one of the best dancers according to critics.” At hearing that I choked on my water.

“Roger!” Adam exclaimed.

“Roger you okay?” asked (y/n).

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine just….went down the wrong pipe. Excuse me for a minute.” I raced out of the pub and into the fresh air as suddenly it occurred to me.

“Roger, what’s going on with you?” I heard Brian say.

“It all makes sense now. I should’ve remembered the last name, how could I be such an idiot?” I muttered to myself.

“Roger what are you talking about?”

“Do you remember when we did our last American tour at the start of the 80’s. And we performed at Madison Square Garden.”

“Yeah, where are you going with this?”

“Do you remember that Broadway show we saw? Umm West Side story I think it was? And I actually managed to hook up with one of the dancers.”

“Yeah (m/n). I remember you were crazy about her before you met Dominque.”

“I—I think the reason why she broke up with me was—because she was pregnant.”

“Hold on Rog. This is a serious allegation. You don’t think that (y/n) is…..”

“At first I didn’t get it but the more I look at her the more I see it. Brian she has my eyes, she’s almost like a reflection of me but with her mum’s hair. Brian I—I really think she’s my daughter.”

“So what are you going to do? You know you can’t just spring this up on (y/n) like this so suddenly.”

“I know, I know. I’ll….I’ll try to get alone with her and somehow slowly ease her into a conversation about her mum. Maybe I could even try to get reconnected with (m/n). To at least tell me why she never told me she was pregnant.”

“Now just be sure if you do get her contact information you don’t go off yelling at her. I’m sure she had her reasons…..”

“Reasons my arse Brian she kept my daughter away from me! I never even knew my first child would be a girl and I’ve missed so much….”

“Umm guys?” We turned to see (y/n) standing there. “Is everything okay?”

“No, I mean yes. Everything is fine love.” I assured her.  Her eyes gave off that same look her mum always made when she was concerned for my wellbeing.  God she really was my daughter.

“Okay, it’s just that you both were gone for a while and I got a little worried.”

“Don’t worry love, we’ll be just another minute.” She nodded before heading back inside.

“Just think about it carefully Rog. She seems to not know herself, so just proceed with caution.” Brian warned me one last time.

A couple days went by and it was just one more day till the Grammys.  I was now standing before (y/n)’s dressing room finally seeing a chance to talk to her in private.  I slowly reached my hand for the door and softly knocked on it and her voice rang out.

‘If it’s Debbie from the article fuck off I’m not giving you any dirt on Lin!’ God she really is my daughter.

“No love it’s Roger.” The door opened and she peeked out and said.

“Oh god I am so sorry about that Rog. I didn’t mean to do that I—”

“I get it, if you thought the press were bad today you should’ve seen them back in my day. God they literally camped outside your houses at the time.”

“Jesus, oh where are my manners please come in.” she said as she fully opened the door and allowed me inside.  I walked in and she closed her door and she said. “Can I get you anything? I’ve got water, champagne, some wine, beer.”

“I wouldn’t mind a beer.” I answered.

“Coming right up.” She went over to the minifridge and pulled out two bottles of beer and handed one over to me.  “So did you need anything?”

“Oh I just—see I feel like we haven’t really gotten the chance to really connect like you and Adam have, hell you even managed to spend some time with Brian and not get bored with him.” We both chuckled and I continued, “Only if you wish to. I don’t want to make you comfortable.”

“No, no it’s fine. I mean truthfully the reason why I never got to talk with you much is because…..well I’ve always been starstruck with you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah I know. All my friends had told me that out of every Queen member they’d be starstruck to meet it’d be Freddie. God rest his soul. I really am sorry about his death. I was just 11 years old when I heard the news. God I was depressed for weeks on end, couldn’t even listen to his voice without crying.”

“Yeah it—it was hard on all of us. I was actually on my way to see him. And I was just 300 yards away when I got the call….” I stopped as I felt tears fill my eyes.  Jesus retelling that day always makes me emotional.

“But he’d be proud of what you guys have done for the band. As well as everything else you all have accomplished. Even Deacy.” She said as she reached out and took my hand.  I smiled and placed my hand on top of hers.  It was then a picture caught my eye that stood on her makeup stand.

She turned around and smiled softly and said.

“That’s a picture of my mom and I at my first Broadway leading role. It was in Les Misérables when I got Fantine.” She reached over and grabbed it and handed it to me.  I took the picture in my hand and everything I had thought was officially confirmed.

There standing next to (y/n) was indeed (m/n) (l/n), the Broadway dancer I once fell in love with during our tour of America. She looked older than I last saw her, her hair was now a pixie cut short but she was still as beautiful as I remembered her being.

“Do you—still see her? I know life of a performer is tough and time constricting.” I asked her.

“I—visit her whenever I can. Bring her, her favorite flowers.”

“White lilies with baby’s breath.” We both said at the same time.  Oh bugger. “How did you know that?” she asked.

“She—she uhh….” C’mon Roger say something clever you old bastard! “She just looks like the type of woman who would love those flowers.” Oh please buy it please buy it please buy it.

“Okay.” She said a bit wearily.  “Well anyways I try to see her whenever I can. But it just gets harder and harder to visit her each time.” Huh? What did she mean by that? Is she sick? Was she abusive to her? Oh please tell me it wasn’t the latter.

“Whys that? If you don’t mind me asking?” I asked her.  She took back the picture from me and said.

“Well I’d like to clarify where she’s staying isn’t exactly a sunshiny place. It’s always hard to visit a cemetery.” What? Oh no.

“I’m so sorry dear. You don’t have to tell me the reason why…”

“No I feel like I should. After all you’re taking the time to getting to know me, might as well learn the whole package. Well this past year hasn’t been easy on me and my family. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. We—thought we’d have more time, but just as I was about to tell her that I got the leading lady role in Hamilton…..” she trailed off and clasped her hand over her mouth.

I did the only thing that I could think of. I wrapped my arms around her and lay her head on my shoulder.

“Tell me…..how do you make the pain go away?” she whimpered out.  I squeezed her shoulder and rested my head on top of hers and answered her as honestly as I could.

“It’s hard, and it may never go away. But something that helps me cope with Freddie’s death is that I try to think of all the great times I had with him. I’ve been around the old bastard so much I know exactly what he would say to me if I allowed my grief to overcome me. He’d tell me; ‘oh stiff up a lip blondie! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you tried your best and I know what you did. Now stop your whimpering you big softie’.” I soon heard a small laugh coming from her.

It was small but I at least got a smile from her, her mother’s smile just as I remembered it.

“Your mum knew you’d get the part, I’ll bet she had no doubt that you would. So I have a feeling she’d tell you to keep performing and don’t let her death stop you from your dreams.” I rubbed her arm comfortingly and kept her in my arms for a little bit longer until she finally calmed down.  She separated herself from me and said.

“God I probably look like a mess right now.”

“Not at all.” I replied as I wiped a few tears stains from her face.

“Thank you Roger, I—haven’t been able to cry like that since the funeral.”

“I’m always here whenever you need to vent your grief. It’s not healthy to keep it inside, especially for a long period of time.” I said as I rubbed her back.  She nodded and that’s when a knock was heard.

“Ms. (L/n), it’s time for final curtain rehearsal and discuss when you and Queen and Adam are going to perform.” One of the volunteers spoke out from the other side.

“Be right out just give me a few minutes.” She called back.  “Well I better clean myself up.”

“I’ll leave you to it then.” I stood up and prepared to leave her dressing room when I was suddenly hugged from behind.

“Thank you again Roger, really. You don’t know how much it meant to me.” I heard her voice say into my shoulder.  I smiled both with happiness but also grief as I turned and hugged her back.

“Anytime darling. Whenever you need to talk, I’ll be there.” She nodded then headed back over to her makeup chair and began cleaning herself up.  I stood there and watched her for a few minutes, just seeing her mother in her and remembering all the times I spent backstage on her shows seeing her get ready.

Soon the big day arrived, the Grammy awards 2016. Brian, Adam and I were in our car being driven to the award show where we would walk the carpet and do a couple of interviews.  Once we arrived, the crowd was already huge.

Hundreds of people screaming and cheering, hundreds of performers and nominees were strutting around getting their pictures taken. God what Fred would do if he were here right now, probably photobomb a few singers just to be cheeky.  After getting a few pictures in, we were stopped for an interview.

Much of it I barely paid attention to, that was until a question regarding to (y/n) came up.

“So singing along with famed Broadway singer of the American musical Hamilton, what was that like for you? Is working with a Broadway star different than other singers?”

“Oh (y/n) was a huge joy to work with. She and I are practically best friends right now and promised me tickets to the next show.” Adam laughed. “No, no she’s an amazing performer and it’s no different than working with any other singer. Less drama of course but no she was wonderful to rehearse with and I can’t wait to perform live with her.”

“And Brian, Roger? Did you guys feel out of sorts working with her? Like did she feel lower to you cause she’s just a Broadway performer?” What kind of question is that?

“No, not at all. As Adam said she was wonderful to get to know. She’s definitely got some surprises in store for us tonight as she sings with us.” Brian answered.

“Yeah Broadway performers are no different than any other singer. It’s all about just mixing in the differences each performer’s got and she was a wonderful mix into this performance.” I replied without wanting to ring the interviewers neck speaking so lowly about Broadway performers.

After the interview I then saw (y/n) talking with a female interviewer.  Wow and did she look beautiful.  She wore a spaghetti strapped royal blue backless dress which had a small train at the bottom of it.  Thinking it wouldn’t hurt to just go up and say a quick hello (after all I’ve seen actors and singers interrupt artists for a quick hello or greeting all the time).

“So yeah at first I was really nervous but then—Oh my god! Hey Rog!” She hugged me and I hugged her back saying.

“Hello love.”

“Also joining us is Queen’s drummer Roger Taylor, Roger how are you feeling?” the interviewer asked.

“Tired.” I answered which made us all laugh. “But also honored to be here, this is our first Grammy performance in like 20-30 years so it’ll be interesting to see how much has changed.”

“Don’t worry not a lot. I was just asking (y/n) how she felt singing with Queen and Adam.”

“Well I can tell you it’s been an honor to perform alongside a talented young woman like (y/n). She’s been an absolute pleasure to sing with and I can see why so many people love her in Hamilton.”

“Oh Rog stop you’re making me blush.” (y/n) groaned out as she tried to hide her face.

“Well I won’t keep you guys any longer. Good luck tonight and we’ll all be cheering for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you so much.”

“No thank you. Cheers you two.”

“Bye.” We both walked away and as the press continued to holler and command more photos I said to (y/n).

“You look beautiful love.”

“Thanks, and you pretty handsome yourself.”

“Once a long time ago.” I stated.

“Hey now don’t say that.” She said as she playfully shoved me.

“Well then, shall I have the honor of escorting you inside milady?”

“Why of course you may.” She said in probably the most exaggerated British accent I had ever heard but I let it slide.  I hooked my arm out and she wrapped her arm around mine and the two of us walked inside.

“Well I’ll see you soon up on stage. My assigned seating is with my cast members since Hamilton is up for best musical album.” She said.

“Will do love, and good luck. I have a feeling you guys will win so many awards.” I told her.  She kissed my cheek and then headed out to meet with some of her cast members who were already there.  Seeing her with all her friends made me feel warm hearted.

“So you still gonna tell her after the show?” I heard Brian’s voice say.

“If I don’t I may never get a second chance. But there’s also something in me to not tell her. I mean what will she think of me when I do tell her?”

“I wish I could tell you what to do Rog, but only you can make that call. But whatever you choose, just make sure you don’t regret it.”  It was decided.

As the show went on, (y/n)’s first performance would be with her cast members singing the opening number of Hamilton. And hearing the song with my own ears, I was mesmerized, especially when she got to stand center stage singing the story of Alexander and his mother’s life after the father split.

Much like Queen, every voice blended so well together.  Even though there were so many of them, I could easily pick out each voice individually and hear it and their harmonizing just sent shivers up my spine.  By the end of the song, the audience roared in applause that I only heard in our concerts, but of course I was probably the loudest cheering for my girl.

As the show continued, we were now preparing to do our number.  I saw (y/n) take her spot by the piano and I walked up to her and said.

“You’re gonna do great love.”

“I know, I’m just nervous that I’ll mess up a key or note and end up messing you all up.”

“Don’t worry love, you’ll do great. I have faith in you.” I assured her as I placed my hand on her shoulder giving her a gentle squeeze.

“How do you always know what to say Roger Taylor?” she asked as he placed her hand on top of mine.

“It comes with being old.” I teased which made us laugh.

“Okay boys, Miss, we’ll be live in 2 minutes.” Said one of the producers.

“Well better get back up there.” I gestured towards my drum set.  She nodded and I walked away from the piano and sat down at my drum set twirling my drumstick in hand getting my head in the game.

“Welcome back to the 58th Grammy awards. And now for the long awaited performance of a lifetime. These guys have been kick butt in the music industry for years selling off millions of records since the 1970’s and joining them the runner up of American Idol as well as the leading lady of Hamilton. Here is (Y/n) (l/n), Queen and Adam Lambert.” The audience cheered and soon (y/n) began playing the piano as Adam began to sing “Don’t stop me now”.

Adam took the first verse of the song and as the song picked up Brian and I joined in with (y/n)’s piano playing as well as the bass player who was up on stage with us.  Lights flashing and Adam’s vice echoing through the speakers as he led the crowd in his own fashion.

By the second verse, the spotlight came onto (y/n) who kept playing the piano and I could hear the cast of Hamilton cheering for her.  Along with that soft soprano voice she used for her role as Eliza, for this song she unleashed such a raw, rock and roll alto range.  It was almost like if you could convert my rang into a woman’s voice, that’s (y/n).  

Also people suspect that most Broadway stars just sing and dance, well not this girl.  She’s told us that her mum taught her how to do the piano and guitar so she truly is a triple threat.

Along with playing and singing backup vocals on my cue, I couldn’t help but watch my daughter perform as at the instrumental break, her and Adam now stood side by side together and side stepped with each other like they practiced during rehearsal, she was a born performer. Whether Broadway or Rockstar, she was mine and her mother mixed together.

And that was enough for me to love her even more.

By the end of our piece, the audience was in a stadium sized cheer as we all came together at center stage, (y/n) standing between Adam and I as we waved of saluted to the audience in thanks.

More awards were given and soon it came time for award for ‘Best Musical theater album.’ An announcer read up all the musicals up for the award; Hamilton, An American in Paris, Fun Home, The King and I, and Something Rotten!

“And the winner of the best musical album goes to…..” all was silent and even I was tensed up with anxiety as I just wanted to race up there and rip the envelope myself.  I could do it much faster than this guy.  Finally it was open and he smiled and exclaimed into the microphone, “HAMILTON!!” I cheered out as loud as I could and whistled just as loud.

I could see (y/n) hugging her cast mates and everyone involved with the musical raced down the runway and up the stage as the audience roared with applause as the score of the opening number was playing and on the screen showed some shots of some of the actors in costume, including (y/n).

I wiped away the tears in my eyes as I kept cheering for (y/n).  She may think that no parent was there to see her get this award, but in truth she did have a father who was so proud of her and I just know (m/n) is cheering and crying in heaven.

Once the award show was finally over, I could see the entire cast of Hamilton all outside in a group huddle cheering and crying out as some of them including my girl holding a Grammy trophy.  Everyone was talking over each other in pure excitement that was until Lin’s proclaimed.

“Okay Hamilton cast, first round of drinks are on me tonight!” Everyone cheered and they all walked on ahead, that was until (y/n) spotted me.  She smiled and ran towards me and tackled me in a hug.

“Ohh I’m so happy you got to see it happen!” she exclaimed.

“Congratulations love. You and your castmates deserved to win.”

“Why don’t you come celebrate with us?” she offered.

“Oh no, no. You wouldn’t want an old grizzly man to cramp your style dear.”

“Hey what did I just tell you earlier?” she mocked.

“Besides; Brian, Adam and I need to be on the next flight out of here back to London to start planning our European tour.”

“So—this is it?” she asked sadly.  “Wow it…..it feels like this has all ended too fast.”

“I know what you mean. But you still got so many more awards to win love, you should be focused and celebrating every chance you get. Especially since rumor has it you’re up for a Tony award.”

“Yeah, never did I think I would ever get nominated for one. It’ll be my first nomination.”

“And I pray that they’ll call you Tony Award winner (y/n) (l/n) after you win it.” I said as I cupped her face and stroked her cheek.

“Thank you for everything Roger. And it was an honor to play alongside you. Give my love to Brian and Adam for me will you?”

“Of course.” We both kissed each other’s cheek and she went on ahead.

“Oh hey, next time you three are in New York, come see us. I can have security let you in backstage before and after the show!”

“We’ll take you up on that offer.” C’mon you old fool she’s walking away. You’ve got to tell her now. Do it! Do it! “(Y/n) wait!” she stopped and turned back around.

“Yeah Rog?” I walked up towards her and nervously stammered out.

“I—I uhh….Can we…..can we talk for a minute before you go? Privately.”

“Sure Rog, let me just text Leslie since he’s my ride to the bar.” She quickly sent a text to Leslie and once she saw the reply she said, “Okay he’s gonna wait for me in the parking garage and let the others know to wait for us. Where do you want to talk?”

“Mind if we go to my dressing room?” she shook her head and we both walked along to where Brian and I shared a dressing room before the performance.  Once we got in she immediately set herself down on the couch and took off her heels.

“God even though I wear heels every night on stage, I still don’t get used to stilettos. Whoever invented those heel brands must’ve had no skin whatsoever.”

“Yeah, they are a real pain in the arse.” I told her.

“So what do you want to talk about Roger?” she asked.

Here it was, the moment of truth.  It was either say it now or let it blow up in your face.

“You—you remember how I knew your mother’s favorite flowers?”

“Yeah.” She said wearily.

“Well, I was completely honest with you (y/n).”

“What are you talking about?”

“I—I knew your mother.” I saw her eyes slowly widen as she just stared at me.

“You knew my mother?”

“Yes. I first met her back in 1980. It was after a Madison Square Garden show, Freddie, John and I went to go see West Side Story at the time, and when I saw your mother on stage…..it was like I was looking at a true dancer on the stage. She outshined everyone.”

“Yeah she was known for that.” (y/n) reminisced.

“After the show I went up and talked to her. Of course she was feisty but I couldn’t help myself. I was drawn to her, and soon we eventually became friends. Very good friends.”

“But…..if you guys were so close, how come she never spoke to me about you?” I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled and I said.

“I’m sorry I have to tell you this, and you may hate me after I tell you. Maybe even think I’m a horrible person but I swear I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what? Roger please you’re scaring me. Just tell me what this is all about?”  I looked down at my feet for god knows how long before I finally looked up at her and told her straight up.

“I’m your father.”

All was silent as her face slowly turned from shock to absolute horror.

“At first I didn’t know when we first met. But there was something about you that just seemed familiar. Then the dinner when you said your mum was a Broadway dancer it got me freaked out thinking that it wasn’t possible, but then seeing a picture of your mum it only confirmed everything. I didn’t know she was pregnant I woke up one morning and she was just gone leaving a note telling me she was sorry. I don’t mean to spring this on you at once but I—”

“Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.” She muttered in haste as she held out her hand.

“(Y/n) I’m sorry I just……”

“Stay away from me.” She sneered.

“(Y/n) please I swear I…..” but she kept interrupting me as I kept trying to explain myself as gently as I could.  She kept muttering to herself till suddenly I felt this sharp pain across my face and I found myself down on the ground.

“Just stay away from me! You’re a crazy, senile old man. Just stay away from me or I’ll call the police!” she then raced out of the dressing room, but I could hear the sounds of her crying echoing through the hallway as she ran.

I blew it.  Now that all was said and done, I blew it.  She knew the truth and seeing her so upset just broke my heart.  I didn’t mean to confuse her or make her mad I just—maybe I was being selfish.  

It had been about four months since the Grammy’s and ever since I told (y/n) the truth, I just couldn’t think right.  Even during rehearsals with Brian and Adam my head just wasn’t in the game as it usually was and they could tell but they didn’t push.  Can’t say the same for the managers as well as the touring manager since we needed to prepare for our next upcoming tour.

“Roger?” I heard my wife Sarina call out to me.

“Please love I….I need a moment to myself.”

“Rog, I think you should really come to the living room. Someone came all this way to see you, and it’d be rude to just toss her out into the London streets.” I looked up at her and asked.

“Who is it?” she gestured with her finger to follow her.  We walked out of my basement studio and came to the living room to see Tiger Lilly, Rory, and Lola sitting with (y/n).

I couldn’t believe it, all my girls together and talking with each other.

“I—hope I’m not intruding or anything.” (y/n) answered nervously as she fiddled with her fingers.

“No not at all.” I replied.

“Girls why don’t we give them some privacy?” Sarina suggested and soon my three girls left us to chat.

“Didn’t feel the need to tell them quite yet.” She replied softly.

“Although I bet Tiger and Lola would flip knowing that Elizabeth Schuyler is their sister.” She softly smiled and then looked up at me.

“I—I made some calls to my uncle Bobby and aunt Jodie, my mom’s siblings and told them if they knew. And—turns out you weren’t some crazy old man. Apparently when my mom found out she was pregnant with me, she didn’t want to tell you. She claimed that Queen was finally getting the recognition that you guys deserved and she knew you weren’t the type to settle down. She thought you’d leave her or ask her to abort me. So she just decided to pack up her stuff and moved back to the states and never wanted to contact you again.”

“What?” I muttered in shock.

“That’s what my aunt and uncle said. And now that I think back, she always did step out of the room and never spoke when I would play a Queen record or when one of your songs came on the radio. She never said she hated you guys, just—couldn’t listen to your songs. And apparently she knew when it was a song written by you.” I smiled sadly and stated.

“(Y/n) I—I never wanted to confuse or hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

“No you had every right to act the way you did. I know I would.” I said as I sat in front of her.  Hesitantly I reached out and cupped her face in my hands and lifted her head up so that I could look into the blue eyes she inherited from me. “Listen (y/n); I have missed so much in your life. Your first steps, first word, the first show you got casted in, every important thing in your life. And I can understand if you don’t want me to be a part of it now. After all you’ve become successful on your own and have grown into such a beautiful young woman.”

“It was hard believe me.” She choked out.

“But you made it. Look at you now. And your mum would be so proud of you.” I saw tears drip down her face and she nodded.

“It’ll be hard, after all I never knew I had a dad. So I assumed it was just my mom and me, it’ll take some time to get used to having a dad but—will you be a part of my narrative?” I only smiled and quoted her character’s famed quote.

“That would be enough, love.” We immediately held each other.  I felt her bury her face into chest and I buried my face into her hair inhaling her scent.  I held her as tight as I could and couldn’t stop the tears falling down my face.

God I can’t believe this.  I had another baby girl, and at last I finally got the chance to hold her in my arms.  My eyes, attitude and looks along with her mother’s as well as her mother’s hair, we made a perfect Broadway angel.

About a week later it was the premiere of the London production of Hamilton.  As a first success, the American cast came to kick off the show and then auditions would begin here in London.  With the help of (y/n), she gave all of us tickets and the best seats for the show. Not just my family but Brian’s as well as Adam and his parents.  And seeing my angel in her element on stage in full costume and makeup, she reminded me of her mother but also had the front lady essence that Fred once had.

But the number that got me the most was the number ‘That would be enough’ when Eliza confirmed to Hamilton of her pregnancy after he was forced to be sent home from the war.  The lyrics hit me so hard and the chemistry between my daughter and Lin-Manuel Miranda made me think of me and (m/n).

I also saw how on certain parts of the lyrics especially towards the end of the song, I saw how she would look right at me. The way she evoked raw emotion and even allowed tears to fall down her face just shot some serious feels (at least I think that’s how Lola says people call it now) right in the heart.

I was proud of my Broadway baby, I’m glad that now we can be apart of each other’s lives now.  And that was enough.

[kookiemydream]

BTS reaction→ you as an idol and wanting to collaborate with them

paring: bts x idol!reader

warnings: swearing

genre: fluff

a/n: hey love! thank you so much for requesting, I’m so glad you’re enjoying my work! I really, really hope you enjoy this one too! Also, Y/C/N stands for ‘your company name’ !!

request a reaction! | about me

↠ kim seokjin.

“Me?” Jin questioned, eyes furrowed in confusion “Y/N Y/L/N want’s to collaborate with me?” 

“Yeah, she says that she wants to meet up later this week with you for details.” Sejin said calmly, turning around back to his computer. 

Funny how his manager thought this was normal news to drop on him, not knowing that Jin was literally screaming on the inside. THE Y/N, the woman that  he had been dreaming to talk to his whole career, was asking for him. More specifically, to make music with him.

Of course he was freaking out.

“Sejin, did she say anything else? Anything about me?”

“Uhh, no I don't think so. But that does remind me, I gave her your number just so she can access you easier instead of going through the whole email process, is that okay?”

That’s when Jin's heart burst. Jumping up out of the chair opposite his manager, he jumped and danced around the room before tightly hugging his manager and sprinting out the room, screaming at the top of his lungs about how ‘you knew who he was’ over and over again 

And when Jin finally calmed down after hours of running around the building with excitement and anticipation flowing through his veins, his phone alerted him with a notification from an unknown number which read: ‘hey, is this seokjin? it’s Y/N :)’

Yeah, Jin found it difficult to get to sleep that night. 

↠min yoongi

When Yoongi had been called to see Bang PD, it was safe to stay he was lowkey shitting himself. His brain wracked over and over again of what rules he had broken, how he had broken them, considering he had been cooped up in his studio half of the time, and what he could do to fix it

Turns out, Yoongi should’ve been shitting himself for an entirely different reason. 

“Oh Yoongi, there you are!” Bang exclaimed as Yoongi slowly creeped into the office “This is Y/N Y/L/N, she saw you perform at MAMA a few months ago and wants to arrange a collaboration!”

“Ah Min Yoongi, it’s so good to meet you finally!” You stood up from the couch and held your hand out for him to shake. Yoongi on the other hand was more than starstruck at the sight in front of him. He gently took your hand and shook it lightly, not taking his eyes off of your face.

“I’m really excited to work to start working with you! I listen to your music all the time and I think we could make something truly great!”

Yoongi swore he heard his heart flutter when those words left your mouth. He couldn’t help but think of something more than music that you two could make work

“Oh aha, yes definitely. It’d be an honour to work with someone so talented.” he said, finally working up the courage to form a proper sentence. 

You blushed lightly “I’m glad you feel the same way!”

Spoiler alert: You did make amazing music. But made an even better relationship. 

↠jung hoseok

Something that was never really part of Hoseok’s daily routine was listen to a podcast. He never really had time ever since the tour had started, seeing as he was either practicing or sleeping.

Now that the tour was over and he had a few hours to himself, he figured that turning on a bit of light radio whilst he answered a few emails would be the perfect bypass for today. 

So there he was, sitting at his desk with his laptop wide open whilst the speakers blared out an enthusiastic voice of the interviewer.

Then, you were introduced. 

Hoseok's emails were long forgotten as he listened intently to the sound of your voice and laughter. He grinned at your reactions to different songs that were being played in between your interview. 

“So now, we’re gonna play a song that has taken social media over by storm! Can you guess what song Y/N?” The interviewer asked animatedly. 

“Oo that’s hard! I have no idea!” 

“Well if you haven’t heard, BTS’s J-hope released a song called ‘Chicken Noodle Soup’ featuring Becky G! Have you heard of it?” 

“Oh my god! Of course I have! It’s such a bop!” You laughed “They’re both so talented!”

“Have you considered collaborating with J-hope at any point?”

At this point, Hoseok was nearly standing on his office chair trying to cram his head closer and closer to the speakers in order to hear the answer.

“Funny you said that actually! Yesterday my company sent Bighit an email, after days of me hounding at them, asking if Hoseok was free and if he wanted to create maybe a dance cover! I just really hope they reply soon!” You giggled, blushing and also being thankful no filming was involved

“Well, we wish you all the luck with that Y/N! Here is ‘Chicken Noodle Soup’ by J-hope and Becky G!”

As the familiar sound of his own tune filled the room, he sprinted to his managers office, rapidly knocking his knuckles on the door. When it finally opened, he pushed past the older man and quickly located the email icon on his computer.

And there it was. The email from your company in all it’s glory. 

Let’s just say, when your company did get a reply back, they found it quite funny how many spelling mistakes were involved. Hey, no one is perfect when typing fast, okay?

↠kim namjoon 

“Guess who I just got off the phone with?” Manager Hobeom sang as he skipped into the practice room, smirking. 

“Hyung, I get that you’re in love and you and your wife are all lovey dovey but I don’t need to know how many times you call each other-”

“Y/C/N, more specifically where Y/N is signed!” Hobeom interrupted

Namjoon choked on his words when your name left his mouth “What? What did they say? Did they mention me? Hyung spill!”

“Calm down, calm down!” The manager replied laughing “Namjoon, were you aware that Y/N attended the last concert you held in Seoul?”

Was he aware? Not at all. But did he feel like his heart was about to stop beating? Absolutely.

“Are you serious?” He questioned

“Uh huh, she apparently loved your solo song and was interested in if you wanted to meet up and discuss collaboration possibilities.”

Fuck. That’s all that Namjoon could think right now. You, the idol he’s been making heart eyes at for the past year, was asking to make music with him. Fuck indeed.

“Hyung, please tell me you said yes?”

“Oh you wanted me to say yes? I said no because I thought that you wanted a break after travelling?” Hobeom said, cringing at the horror on Namjoon’s face before breaking his act and laughing hysterically “I’m joking! Of course I said yes! You meet her next Thursday, be ready!”

Namjoon had been ready for a while now, they didn't have to tell him twice.

↠park jimin

“Jimin!” Hoseok called from the lounge “It’s about to start! I’m only watching this for you!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Jimin replied, running into the room with a bowl of popcorn. “Man I’m so excited I could burst! What if she talks about us? Wouldn't that be awesome?”

The older man rolled his eyes at the lovestruck younger. News had spread around all over social media that you were due to be on a popular tv show which consisted of interviewing different idols and get all the exclusive news. 

Jimin and his bandmates themselves had been featured on the show more than once and he knew how personal the questions could get. 

So him being the secret fanboy that he was, decided to watch just in case you gave away any relationship reveal or something like that. 

Not that he cared about that stuff though, right?

“Awh Hobi hyung, look at her! She’s so beautiful!” Jimin whined, clutching his heart dramatically. They both watched in amusement as the hosts cracked many jokes towards you. 

Then suddenly the topic of the man himself came up.

“So some little birdies told me that you were obsessed with BTS’s Jimin's ‘Promise’ Is that correct Miss Y/N?” The interviewer teased

“Ah I knew posting that on my Instagram story would come back to haunt me!” You played along, trying to act cool at the familiar topic. 

“You’re not denying it?”

“Of course not! I cannot disagree that he’s incredibly talented and has such a beautiful voice indeed!”

Jimin felt his heart in his throat. This is actually happening. Y/N just complimented him. HIM. 

“I smell a collab coming on!” The host joked, winking and doing gun fingers at you. You chuckled lightly, responding with the same action and a: “Only if they reply to my email!”

As the laughter of the both of you filled the room, the voices that were once talking had now gone silent. Even Hoseok was a little shocked that THAT just happened. Then he finally came to a point of realisation 

“She sent us an email? Maybe we should go check it out-”

He realised he was talking to himself at that point, for when he looked over next to him he only found an empty spot. 

↠kim taehyung 

“Yes yes, he’ll be very excited to hear your voice ma’am!” Manager Sejin spoke through the phone, eyes widening as he saw Taehyung creep into the office 

“No he’s not busy right now! In fact he’s right in front of me hahah!” he continued to carry on the conversation, beckoning for boy to sit down. Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows, mouthing a “Who’s that?” to the older. 

Sejin smirked and mouthed back a “It’s Y/N!” 

“Y/N?!” The younger suddenly shouted in shock, covering his mouth when he realised you were still on the call and had probably heard him. Great. Now you probably thought that he was the biggest dork to ever walk the earth. Thanks universe. 

To his delight however, he heard a faint sweet giggle on the other end of the line indicating that he, in fact, didn't make a fool of himself. 

Thank fuck. 

After a few more minutes of back and forth conversation between Sejin and you, it was finally time to wrap up and say your goodbyes. When he eventually did hang up, he also caught sight of a lost puppy, also know as Taehyung. 

“I’m not even gonna ask if you’re gonna be okay with it because I already know the answer.” The manger laughed, placing the phone of the desk. After seeing Taehyung become even more confused than he already was, Sejin revealed the news. 

“Your collab is gonna be great.” 

↠jeon jungkook

Jungkook didn't like to be woken up. Period.

Especially, on his day off. You know, the only time he had to fucking rest?

So you could obviously understand why he’s a little pissed off at his hyung who was violently shaking him, still thinking he was sleeping 

“Jungkook! Jungkook, you’re gonna wanna see this, it’s important! Jungkook!” Jimin whined. The tired man rolled over on his side and stared at Jimin, as if to say ‘Are you fucking serious?’

“What do you want Hyung?” The maknae moaned, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleep. Jimin chuckled lightly before shoving his phone in his face. On the screen was a paused frame of you and your members.

This made Jungkook sit up “What’s this about?” 

“Just hit play and watch it.”

So he did. Turns out the video was a challenge video you and the others took part in. You had to answer questions very quickly and accurately before the timer ran out, otherwise you’d be bonked on the head. 

Both men sat patiently as you raced through each question, until finally it got to the bit Jimin wanted Jungkook to see. 

“Y/N, what male Kpop idol would you like to collaborate with in the future?”

“Jungkook!” You answered back without any hesitation whatsoever. You band members teased and made whistle sounds once the name had left your mouth. At this you covered your face to hide the blush. 

Before Jungkook could watch anymore, Jimin grabbed the phone away “You see now why I had to wake you! Y/N Y/L/N just said she want’s to collaborate with you!” 

And even though Jungkook didn't want to admit it, he was grateful that his hyung had woken him up. 

Only for you though. No one else. 

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[spideychelleforever]

When Spider-MJ Survived the Snap But Peter Didn’t: Epilogue

It had been five years since she and Tony had held Peter as he sobbed and cried and begged for help as he faded away. Five years since MJ had desperately, weakly pleaded with the universe, “no, please, no, not my baby, please not my baby,” as if it cared that she was in love with him and he was dying before her eyes. He wasn’t even hers, anyway, because she’d been so stupid and blind to the precious time they did have together, and how she’d taken it for granted.

It had been five years since MJ’s life was destroyed in the span of a minute as she watched those sweet, sweet eyes of Peter’s fade away as he seemed to watch himself die in despair.

Five years later, MJ knew she would never forget the day her life ended. That she would likely never completely move on from what had happened. She couldn’t erase five years of crying, aching, and heartbreak.

But what she could do now, however, was lean on her boyfriend Peter Parker for support as much as he needed to lean on her.

[[MORE]]

****

Peter and MJ returned to Midtown, and cried again as they desperately hugged Ned. Peter was the one who learned his other best friend was another victim, upon seeing he hadn’t aged a day since he last saw him. But finally, the trio was reunited again.

They had to repeat the school year over again, so that fucking blowed, but they reasoned if it meant more time together, they could take it.

Time.

Time was something so precious, so pure, so priceless. Even after all she’d gone through, MJ wondered if she really understood how much time meant. She figured she should by now, given she was one of the pioneers of time travel. But she was admittedly kind of afraid she didn’t properly understand how precious it was. Sometimes she worried she was taking it for granted.

She’d been given a second chance just as much as Peter, Ned, May, and the other victims had been given. Only Stephen had given her five years back so she could return to being Peter’s age - with a time-displaced Time Stone, meaning that this freebie could never, ever happen again.

Or could it? After all she’d seen, after befriending people like Rocket and Carol and time travel and the Snap, was anything really impossible? She had to keep that in mind, but nonetheless, the gravity of what Stephen had given her was never lost on her.

Besides, she thought. She was in a relationship with Peter Parker, the boy she thought was too good and pure to ever notice how weird and dark and lonely she was; the boy who died a horrible death but came back smiling like nothing had happened. The boy she’d pined after for five years, then grieved another five years. Thinking back, she knew that if Peter had stayed dead, she would’ve never dated or married anyone. As silly as it was, Peter was her person, and even if she died remembering Peter’s death 80 years before, she knew he was the only one for her.

Now he was holding her hand when they walked, buying her her favorite tea, giving her kisses and Goodnight texts. Now he was telling her how much he cared about her and wanted to make her happy.

Thinking all of that made her laugh, too. The universe had been torn asunder, she’d lost all her friends and family, the universe had been saved, and of course, MJ was thinking about how in love she was with Peter. Priorities, Jones.

Their relationship bloomed over the school year. May heartily approved, and so did her parents. Oh dear god, her reunion with her parents was something else. In her grief she’d forgotten a lot of people, and it was certainly weird to explain to them that no, she wasn’t also a victim of the Snap, and what Stephen had done. But they accepted it, saying that if that meant they got five years back with their baby, they were nothing but happy.

A class trip to Europe took place the following summer, and MJ helped Peter defeat disgruntled former Stark employee #35729, Quentin Beck. On a bridge in London, she showed Peter the broken black dahlia necklace, and when she said she preferred it broken, Peter finally told her what he had planned to tell her atop the Eiffel Tower.

“I’m in love with you, Michelle,” he said with a starstruck, awed smile.

MJ’s face nearly broke from smiling so hard. “I’m in love with you, too, Peter.” And they shared a series of progressively better kisses to seal it off.

****

Years passed.

Graduation happened. College acceptance letters happened. College happened. Failing classes happened. MJ’s thighs getting thick and fat happened. The Dean’s list happened. Peter briefly growing facial hair then shaving it off happened. Their first time happened. More threats happened, city level and Avengers level. Graduation from college happened. Masters degree, then a PHD happened. Dr. Michelle Jones happened.

Ten years after Peter had returned from beyond the veil, he had suggested they take a walk through a park that was conveniently close to the middle school they’d met at. Where MJ first laid eyes on the little nerd with mousy hair and a high, squeaky voice, and though she didn’t know it at the time, her heart had gone that day, never to be reclaimed again.

The sun was setting, and they walked from the park to outskirts of the school grounds, and eventually took a seat on a bench, enjoying the comfortable silence as they felt a cool breeze make its way past them to the rolling hills of the park.

“MJ? Are you happy?” Peter suddenly asked.

MJ laughed. “Quite the conversation starter.”

“But yes. Yes, I am.” MJ squeezed his hand in hers. “With you.”

That seemed to pump something into Peter. He let go of her hand and stood up over her. “Then MJ, I want to say this before anything else.”

“I love you. I’m in love with you. However I need to put it, MJ, I’m yours. You are the most important person in my life and I could not live without you. You’re the most incredible, breathtaking, wonderful person there is and I wish I had noticed you sooner so we could have had even more time together. But that’s alright, because I want to spend all my time with you. I want to build my life with you. So MJ-“

“Let me stop you right there,” MJ said suddenly, before Peter could move again. Now she had gotten up, and Peter nearly fainted as he watched his girlfriend take his hands and get down on one knee in front of him.

“MJ, what are you doing-“ Peter gasped desperately.

“You died fifteen years ago,” MJ started, a lump in her throat, “and like I’ve told you, I spent every day for the next five years a shell of a person because I was already in fucking love with you, and I wanted to see you again. Even if you never noticed me, I wanted you alive again because you are the kind of person, Peter, who makes everyone’s lives better because you’re in them. There is no way to scientifically measure just how good you are. That’s why I fell in love with you the day we met at this school. That’s why I knew those five years that I would never find anyone else. Because you’re the one for me, Peter Benjamin Parker, and I never want to let you go, either.” MJ sucked in a sharp breath because now, she couldn’t help it, a few tears were steaming down her face.

“But I’ve known for a while you were planning this so.. so get on your knee and pull it out, Peter.”

Peter looked at her in confusion, interrupting his pure smile, but he realized what she was saying, and did as she suggested. He got down on one knee right in front of MJ, and pulled the ring from his pocket.

Before he could say it, MJ beat him. “Let’s ask at the same time?”

“Okay,” Peter nodded, in awe of what was happening.

“Peter, will you marry me?” “Michelle, will you marry me?”

Both were crying by now.

“Yes.” “Yes.”

And they kissed slowly, deliberately, trying to get all of their emotions into it, knowing that this was one of the most important moments of their lives and still being in awe of it.

And as MJ grinned through her tears, Peter put the ring on her finger. “You know,” Peter said, “Dr. Jones-Parker is such a badass name and you’re gonna rock it.”

MJ laughed. “You never know, I might just take Dr. Parker. I like that name. A certain loser has it as his last name and I like that loser a lot, so..”

Peter grinned. “I can’t believe I’m your fiancé.”

MJ sniffled. “I’m very observant, so I saw it coming a while ago. But this is-this is perfect.”

“It is,” Peter agreed. And they stayed there facing each other on one knee each until their legs hurt.

****

Despite the utter exhaustion she was feeling, MJ couldn’t stop crying, feeling the extra heat of the tiny body bundled in white that she was holding to her. Peter was sitting right next to her in a chair, his face nuzzled against her and their daughter.

It had been seventeen years since Peter had died in MJ’s arms. Despite all the happiness that had taken place in their lives in the intervening years, seventeen years later, as they both held their baby girl, both of them felt like their lives had started anew again.

And they were ready to enjoy it together.

****

This has been a mammoth undertaking that I never knew I had in me. I want to thank my crush @you-guys--are-losers and my dear @spiderman-homecomeme , you two lovelies always inspire me so. I want to thank dearest @theslytherinterran for their constant, unyielding feedback and support. I want to thank @parallelmarvel , one of the Tumblr loves of my life. To @peterjonesparker , who started it all with her amazing series that got me into this fandom in the first place. To @sodafizzyart for always taking my illustration requests and KILLING it each time.

And to the rest of my regular tag-list, all of you being sweet, sweet dears who make me feel special and loved. @spideychelle @spideyxchelle @spideychelle-romanogers @lovely-iris-west-allen @wandrlust-stark @acastleintheair @miranduh1 @seek-rest @tare8chan and allllll the rest.

Thank you all. Spideychelle Forever.

[themaskedwriter]

A Long Lasting Prank War

A/N: Masked Writer time!!! I’m so excited!!!

Clue

This gorgeous flower likes to bless the rains down in Africa with her amazing stories.

Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this fic!!!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Teacher! AU)

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: Fluff, pranks, mentions of sex, old memes

Honestly, your true relationship with Mr. James Buchanan Barnes started in all of the wrong ways.

Three years ago, if you’d been told that the geometry teacher on the other end of the hallway would be your significant other, you’d have done nothing but laughed as you went back to your students. The (nonexistent) relationship you had with Mr. Barnes was merely one consisting of “good morning”, “any fun lesson plans?”, “have a good day”, and other small talk that teachers bothered themselves with. There was no ‘spark’ nor ‘connection’ and it was all merely professional and friendly.

In fact, after a birthday fiasco, you’d even thought that you disliked the man at one point.

It was a complete accident, obviously, however it kicked off your special day in all of the wrong ways.

You were walking through the hallways towards the teacher’s lounge when it all went down. Your work wife, Ms. Maximoff (the physics teacher), had texted you to come there right as you got to work so you even skipped out on dropping your stuff off in your classroom. As you were walking, your eyes were on your phone, texting Wanda who was being persistent in asking about your whereabouts.

Had you looked up, you would’ve missed the accident big time.

Mr. Barnes was walking the opposite direction, running smack dab into you the moment you turned the corner. You’d have been shocked had you not been experiencing the pain of the hot coffee now dripping down the middle of your pastel pink blouse. You immediately jumped back, looking down at your blouse in a shocked manner. It took you a few moments to realize what just happened, eyes flickering back up to James and realizing he held a similar expression on his face.

His jaw was basically on the floor. He hadn’t anticipated this and barely even knew you. If it was someone like Mr. Wilson (the football coach with whom he had an interesting friendship), he would’ve chuckled. But you’re the beautiful English teacher who he couldn’t help but be starstruck around anytime he saw you. It took him just a moment before he looked up to you, clearing his throat and straightening his posture before speaking, “Ms. Y/l/N I’m so sorry holy shit.. Is there something I can do? I have a spare shirt in the teacher’s lounge I can give you and I’ll pay the dry cleaning bill but like is there anything el-”

You cut him off, shaking your head lightly, “No it’s.. It’s fine, Mr. Barnes.. I.. Uh.. I will take that shirt, yes, but don’t worry about dry cleaning or anything like that, I’ll handle it.” You gave him a smile, looking to your bag and letting out a relieved sigh when you realized that it hadn’t been affected by the spill.

He nodded his head immediately and waited for you to start walking before walking right beside you to the teacher’s lounge. There was nothing said between you, just awkward science. Bucky would steal occasional glances of you. Even with a coffee stained shirt and tousled hair you breathtakingly beautiful.. If anything, the mildly disgruntled look only enhanced your beauty.

Of course, when you opened the door to the teacher’s lounge, there was a chorus of “Happy Birthday!” and “Surprise!” You stepped back in shock and the guilty look on Bucky’s face only became more prominent.

He quickly dismissed himself to get the shirt and Wanda came up to you, mildly shocked, “Did Barnes do that?” She points at your shirt and you nodded ever so slightly to affirm. She shakes her head, laughing quietly, “That’s a way to start off.. He seemed really sorry, though..”

“He is.. He offered to pay for dry cleaning and everything..” You smiled ever so slightly before looking back to Bucky. He quickly gave the shirt to you before walking out the door. You turned your attention back to Wanda, “I don’t think he knew what today is..”

Wanda merely shrugged, ushering you off to change and saying that they’ll cut the cake for you when you get back.

Later that day, you’re sitting behind your desk during your break period and grading papers. Bucky’s shirt was obviously big on you, but you made it work by rolling the sleeves and tucking it in. Your attention left the essay in front of you when there was a knock at your door. You spoke loudly so that the person at the door could here, “Come in!”

Your eyes moved to the doorway when the knocker entered, pleasantly surprised to see Bucky there at the door with a balloon and a tiny gift bag, “Mr. Barnes! This really wasn’t necessary,” You were speaking about the things he brought with him and he merely shook his head, waving his hand dismissively.

“Oh this was absolutely needed.. Consider it an apology mixed with a birthday gift. I went off on my break period to get this, my kids are all at lunch right now,” He made his way to your desk, setting everything down in front of you.

You offered him a soft smile before opening the gift bag, gasping at the sight of another beautiful blouse that seemed to fit your style perfectly, “Oh Mr. Barnes, you shouldn’t have..”

“Bucky, please call me Bucky,” Was his first remark before he shook his head once more, “Oh nonsense, doll, that shirt was pretty much ruined and you wouldn’t send me the dry cleaning bill so I decided to make it up with this..” There was a victorious smile on his lips at your reaction. His taste was good.

“Well, Bucky, I suppose you’ll have to call me Y/N, then..” You look up to him, flashing a genuinely happy smile, “Thank you for this, really.. It’s definitely turned around the day for the better.”

“I’m glad you like it, Y/N,” He looks up at the clock in your room before giving another smirk, “Well I best be going.. But I do have to tell you one thing.”

Your brows raise in curiosity at his statement, the look only encouraging Bucky to continue speaking, “I think.. That for the sake of my dignity, I’m going to claim that the whole coffee fiasco was merely a birthday prank.” Your change in expression to one of amusement caused Bucky to chuckle, glad you accepted his idea, “I’ll see you later, Y/N, you have a good birthday.”

As Bucky walked out the room, the gears in your brain were already turning. He was well out of earshot, but you couldn’t help but say, “Oh it’s on, Mr. Barnes.”

In the time between your birthday and Bucky’s, a lot of developments occurred in your relationship. For one, it went from friends to lover within a couple of months. After your birthday, he’d asked you out. Three dates in, he kissed you at your doorstep. Two dates after that, you were officially his girlfriend. From there on, developments occurred like they did within every other relationship.

The two of you worked hard on keeping personal life away from professional life. However it was no secret that the two of you were together. Students would often catch Bucky in your room or you in his merely talking but standing especially close to one another. One student claims they saw the two of you in public (which could possibly be true) and your past students knew it to be facts as you’d admit it on occasion to them as they were no longer your students. Everything was going absolutely perfectly.

It was the day before March 10th, Bucky’s birthday, that you found yourself in his apartment. You’d offered to do his laundry for him, which he greatly appreciated as he was busy grading geometry tests.

You grabbed his laundry but made an effort to grab some of his white shirts in addition to his red sweater. You mentioned something about doing two loads, pressing a kiss to his head before walking out. Your poor man was so clueless as to what was going to hit him.

You announced your departure after you put the load in the dryer, giving him a kiss and saying that you’d have a surprise for him tomorrow. You’d made sure to include a sticky note with “Surprise! Here’s your birthday prank! xx ” written on it on his dryer.

That night, you were sent a multitude of texts from Bucky. They’d started off along the lines of ‘what the fuck’ before eventually progressing to ‘you owe me a new wardrobe’ and ending up at ‘nevermind, I can 100% pull this pink off’.

Bucky made an effort to prove his point the next day by wearing one of the poorly stained shirts with a cheeky grin. You’d rolled your eyes, blowing him a kiss as you disappeared into your classroom.

His real birthday present from you that night was a new set of white shirts and a little fun show in a nice lingerie set you’d bought.

From then on forward, birthday pranks became an unspoken tradition between the two of you. As your birthday drew closer and closer, you couldn’t help but feel nervous of what’s to occur.

By now, you and Bucky were living with each other. Nearly a year of dating had brought you closer than ever and the next step was nearly perfect. However the prank only made your heart flutter in a bad way. You remained vigilant of your laundry, your spices, and pretty much anything else you could think of that could be effected.

Bucky was getting a real kick out of it all, thinking your nerves were absolutely hilarious. His plan for this year was absolutely diabolical.

You were anxious as you walked into school the next day. Bucky said he had a kid coming in for tutorials so he had to leave early, which you’d accepted. He left with a kiss and a wink, leaving you in bed to slowly prep yourself for the day to come.

Walking into your classroom, your eyes narrowed as they flickered over your classroom. Some of your kids were getting themselves situated after you unlocked the door for them and they didn’t seem suspicious either. You made your way to your desk, setting your bag down and taking out your things to set out. You made a grab for your pencil carrier only to be shocked that it wasn’t budging underneath your grip. Your eyes widened upon realization of what the prank was.

Your bastard of a boyfriend had glued your desk’s contents to its surface.

At first you thought it was too good to be true. But then you went to pick up a picture frame (which didn’t budge either). Your eyes narrowed and you moved to get out of your seat. You got up, yes, but your wheeling chair didn’t budge either.

Of course he glued the chair down too.

Your students were looking at you in a confused manner and you merely gave them a smile before mumbling “Barnes” underneath your breath and getting up, marching out your classroom and down the hallway to his classroom.

You didn’t even have to say anything, the sound of your heels against the linoleum floors more than enough to announce your arrival. Bucky looked up from his computer, a cheeky smile on his lips as he spoke brightly, “Well if it isn’t the birthday girl! How’d you like the present, Ms. Y/L/N?”

The glare on your face was more than enough to answer his question, laughter erupting from his perfect lips. His laughs only got louder as you spoke, “Mr. Barnes I swear to GOD if it isn’t removable I’m taking this to the superintendent.”

He shakes his head, getting up from his desk and moving to where you stood, “It’ll come off within the day, Ms. Y/L/N. My pranks may be eloquent, unlike purposely destroying laundry, but they aren’t cruel.”

You rolled your eyes as you stepped back from him, glancing at his students, “How do you kids like him? He’s absolutely insufferable.”

There was a chorus of laughter from his students because they all knew about your relationship. Bucky laughed as well, “Yeah sure.. Don’t forget dinner tonight with everyone else. I’ll be running a bit late I have some tutorial things to do.”

You nod your head, smiling lightly before walking away.

His students would 100% be part of your prank for him when the time came around.

March 10th came around once more and this time, the antsiness was coming from Bucky. He was vigilante of just about everything, making an effort to request janitors that they don’t let you into his room before or after school. What he didn’t know, however, was that you’d been stopping by his classroom to talk to his students when he had a substitute in place.

The plan had taken nearly a month of planning  but you were getting more and more excited as the date came closer.

During his first period class, you’d briefly excused yourself from class to watch it unfold the first time.

Bucky was busy going over triangle postulates, back to the class as he spoke. Slowly, but surely, they each stood up and began the classic t-pose, holding it while trying their hardest to maintain straight faces.

The geometry didn’t even hear what was going on, speaking as he turned around.

“So all in all, kids, ASS is not an acceptable- what the hell?” He cut himself off at the sight, a look of confusion taking on his face at the sight of what the kids were doing.

Every. Single. Child was standing up, arms perfectly straight with expressionless faces. At his reaction, however, many of them began giggling. One minute passed and without saying anything, they all sat back down to continue their notes.

You were busy laughing your ass off at the entrance, Bucky still not having looked at you yet. When he did, however, a knowing look crossed his face and he couldn’t help the incredulous chuckle that escaped his lips, “Happy birthday to me, it seems.”

He had two other classes that day. During each class, exactly halfway through, they’d stand up, t-pose for an entire minute, before sitting back down and continuing like nothing happened.

During his final class, actually, Bucky went as far as pulling a power move and t-posing right back at them, causing all of them to break down in laughter at how goofy their geometry teacher was.

This was, by far, the best birthday prank out of all of them and both you and Bucky knew it.

Once more, your birthday came around and you were constantly remaining vigilant. Your relationship with Bucky otherwise, was absolutely perfect. He treated you right and the two of you had even adopted a cat together and named him Huckleberry.

There was always tension, however, when either one of yours’ birthday came around.

You walked into class that day, completely weary of everything going on. You were looking at your students in suspicious manners and they were all 100% confused. Obviously the legend of the birthday pranks was common knowledge, but none of them knew anything of what could happen.

You were beginning a dramatic reading of Romeo and Juliet when it all came to light, however. You hadn’t realized Bucky came to your doorway, putting a finger over his lips at the kids before pressing a button on his phone.

“Romeo O’ Romeo! Wherefore art thou R-”

“Got any grapes?”

You jumped in shock at the sound, snapping out of your soliloquy and looking around for the offending sound. The kids had begun laughing and you looked to the door only to see Bucky standing there laughing as well.

Your eyes narrowed at the sight before you rest your hand on your hip in a haughty manner, “Is that all your prank is, Barnes?”

He held up his hand, counting down from 5 before pointing at your speakers. As if on cue, “Got any grapes” came from the speaker again, causing him to laugh.

There was a flabbergasted look on your face and he continued laughing as he blew you a kiss and waved before walking away. You watched him go in a shocked manner, only to be snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of “Got any grapes?” Going off again.

For the rest of the day, every five minutes, “Got any grapes?” rang out from your speakers.

When you got back to your shared home that night, you were met with a laughing Bucky. You couldn’t help but laugh as well as you shook your head, “Not funny.”

His arms wrapped around your waist as he kissed you softly, “It’s hilarious, doll, your reaction was absolutely priceless.”

“Yeah yeah, sure.. Just know that payback is going to be an absolute bitch when March comes around,” You kiss him again, eyebrows raising in a challenging manner.

“Oh I’m terrified, doll,” He rolls his eyes in a cheeky manner before kissing you once more, “Now.. I have a bunch of plans for you and I tonight.”

The buildup to Bucky’s birthday was spent with a lot of brainstorming. You’d even gone as far as conferring with Wanda as to possible pranks. The two of you were out on a walk when she spoke up.

“What about something with his students again? You did that last year but if you do something different, he won’t be expecting it because you’ve already done something..” She was right in her thought process and you looked around the expanse of Central Park as you thought to yourself.

That’s when you saw it.

From there, the plan was in action once more.

That morning, you and Bucky came to work together, sharing a passionate kiss in the car before exiting and walking to your designated classes. He was nervous, yes, but nothing could be too extreme. Administration had actually talked to them after the last prank, telling them while friendly things were fine, that was a little extreme.

You’d made sure you didn’t let Bucky forget that, always laughing about it at random times.

This time, however, you were working ahead of it all. You’d asked some of your trusted students who also had Bucky as a teacher to hand out the masks to every single one of his students that he had on that day.

When the bell rang for class to start, the prank began. Bucky began by asking if there were questions on the homework only to be greeted by all of his students wearing cheap, plastic Dora masks. Not a single one of his students was bare, all faces were covered with the face of Dora staring right back at Bucky.

Class continued for the rest of the time in that manner.

And the next class.

And the next class.

Every damn student he had that day was wearing a damn Dora mask.

He got a good laugh out of it and on his break, went to see if you had an extra (which you did). In retaliation to his last class, he wore one and gave the rest of his lesson that way.

Your birthday the next year was on a weekend, something that Bucky said would be prankless. You didn’t believe him, obviously, which was why you were eyeing him warily as he sat next to you at dinner. It was a small dinner party, you, him, Wanda, some other coworkers, and even your parents. Everyone brought you gifts and it was all enjoyable.

Then came the time to open the gifts up.

Everyone in the restaurant gathered closer to see what you’d been given.

There were a multitude of things ranging from jewelry to clothing to skin care things. It was all very heartwarming.. Then, however, came time for Bucky’s gift, which was only a card.

You gave him a wary look as you opened it up, trying to be as cautious as possible. When you opened the card, you were greeted by glitter falling all over your lap. You gasped and the rest of the table occupants laughed loudly at your reaction.

You glared at your boyfriend and he flashed you a cheeky smile before nudging you, “Hey that was barely anything.. Read the card out loud..”

You raise your brow ever so slightly at his request but oblige it, clearing your throat before speaking, “Dear Y/N, Happy birthday, babe. I can’t believe our entire relationship started through what I coined as a birthday prank. I know I said there wouldn’t be a prank this year because we’re not in school, but obviously I indulged myself with the glitter bomb. Sorry about that, but at least it isn’t messed up laundry or t-posing,” You couldn’t help but laugh at that, shaking your head as you continued, “I love you so much.. In fact, I went as far as expressing my love by covering the home in.. Wood chips and coal!” You paused at his words, brows furrowing as you mumbled underneath your breath, “Oh of course you did.”

What you didn’t realize, was that Bucky had shifted out of his seat and sat down on one knee beside you, a velvet box ready in his hands.

You, obviously oblivious of all of the cameras pointing at you, continued to read the card, “Actually.. That was a joke. I’d never scare pour Huckleberry for a prank.. Our little baby means too much to me for that. If you haven’t realized, I’m buying a lot of time right now and would appreciate it if you turned around.” You did as you were told and immediately dropped the card, hands moving to cover your mouth as your jaw dropped.

There was a bright smile on Bucky’s lips as he popped the box open, a beautiful diamond ring nestled right in the middle of it. Tears immediately welled up in your eyes as he began speaking.

“First of all, I swear this isn’t a prank.. I’ve been carrying this ring around for a solid 5 months now thinking of when it’d be a good time to propose to you.. You can ask Steve,” He laughs nervously before looking up to you once more, “Y/N, you’re the love of my life.. These nearly 3 years together has been the best thing that’s happened to me and I.. I want you to be with me for the rest of our lives, doll.. So what do you say?”

Tears were streaming down your face as you nodded your head, too shocked to actually say anything.

Everyone was quick to begin clapping as Bucky reached up, taking your left hand and slipping on the ring, “Doll say the word, please..” There was so much joy on his face as the ring was a perfect fit and you began crying even harder as you hugged him tightly.

“Of course I’ll marry you, you goof.. I love you so much,” You spoke into his shoulder and he pulled away ever so slightly to kiss you deeply.

There were cheers, hoots, and clapping and you were probably the happiest girl in the world as of now.

And to think this all started over some coffee and an impeccable coverup.

[softbiker]

A Familiar Place - Part 1

A recovery story - this series follows some events in the first year of Bucky’s life back stateside, and his small adventures while learning to come home to himself. This is not an “x Reader” or romance story.

Warnings: some language, probably sloppy editing

A/N: I’m posting the first part of this story to celebrate hitting 100 followers this weekend! Thank you so much everyone! I’m having a blast with this writing blog. This story probably won’t be updated as fast as Born to Run since I don’t have it all written out yet, but I still wanted to post it. Tagging @bitsandbobsandstuff since she answered my question about Steve’s coffee order :) As always, let me know what you think and if you like it!

There’s a stack of books next to his bed that need to go back to the library. Probably overdue, he thinks, and he hasn’t read a single page. He feels a little guilty for it as he stares at their spines, blinking slow and sleepy.

A knock at the door.

“Hey man, you ready?” Sam pokes his head in, eyebrows up and expectant.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky nods. Finishes lacing his sneakers. Grabs a baseball cap from the doorknob on his way.

Steve is waiting by the front door, rolling his shoulders underneath a (frankly ridiculous) tight blue shirt. The corner of his mouth quirks up when he turns.

“Mornin’, Buck.”

“Morning.”

“He’s so damn chipper in the mornings,” Sam grins, slapping Bucky’s shoulder. “I feel perky just standing next to you, Tin Man.”

Bucky narrows his eyes but says nothing, just watches Steve shake his head like a fond mother. He knew by now that their animosity was mostly a pretense.

“Ready to go?” the Captain asks, rubbing his hands together, eager and alert despite the bags under his own eyes. Bucky suspects that Steve stays up to see if he needs him, listening for the sounds of his nightmares. He feels a little guilty for that, too.

They do a quick warm up outside, some leg swings and lunges and jumping jacks to get the blood flowing. It’s mostly for Sam - Bucky doesn’t know if it’s possible for him or Steve to pull a muscle, but it definitely won’t be on their morning runs. But they do the routine together anyways, the three of them, their breaths puffing in the spring morning air.

It’s only a couple of miles from their place to Prospect Park, and Bucky and Steve jog at a reasonable pace for Sam’s sake. The conversation is easy between them now - Sam’s date last week with the nurse from the medical wing, Steve’s painting class, Bucky’s therapy sessions. He’s noncommittal on any specifics, but he admits that he thinks they help. And that’s enough - Sam and Steve don’t press him, happy to have him out and moving and living under a sunrise. They take a few laps through the curving paths of the park, nodding to other early morning runners.

About 6 miles in, Bucky yawns.

“Are we gonna actually run today, Rogers, or are we letting the flightless bird set the pace?”

Steve cocks an eyebrow and glances to his left at Sam, the only member of their trio with a collection of sweat on his chest and under his arms and little beads of it running down his face.

“If you think you can keep up, jerk.”

Sam is left behind somewhere around the lake, yelling something about not being afraid to “beat senior citizen ass.”

Here’s the thing about being a super soldier: it doesn’t feel that crazy most of the time. Bucky knows he’s not straining when he moves an entire rack of weights in the gym, or lifts the back end of a car to help put a jack under it. Tony rented out batting cages for the team one time, and he broke the bat on the first swing, simultaneously popping the stitches on the ball. He plays this little game sometimes where he tries to balance as much weight as he can on his index finger - he’s managed 40 pounds so far on his human hand.

But none of that feels special when he does it. Being strong is just a fact about him. It doesn’t make him feel superhuman. “Enhanced”.

Running, though.

When he and Steve go for runs, legs stretching forward and pavement barely felt as it flows beneath their feet, the world feels different. Slower. They dart around the joggers and strollers in their path, and Bucky watches them slip behind him in slow motion. They propel their bodies like bullets, their cadence the rapidfire staccato of a machine gun. The trees ebb and grow in cresting waves of green as the soldiers fly past.

Flying, Bucky thinks. That’s how he feels now.

Steve is a half beat ahead of him, and his head turns in profile, eyes cutting to find Bucky’s. The corner of his lip twitches.

“Tired yet?”

“Not on your life, punk.”

Steve laughs as he nearly doubles their pace, legs a blur to the eyes of everyone they pass. Bucky follows, gripping the bill of his cap as it threatens to fly up at their speed. He shifts it around backwards, the way he sees Sam wear his sometimes. They turn up the periphery of the park to the northeast, chasing the half-risen sun, now above the buildings and trees around them. Bucky can see the shape of the public library as they pass by, the bronze gate gleaming in the morning light. Some of his old gear, Army stuff and boxing gloves and pictures of him and Steve sitting on the hood of a jeep in France, had been on display with their historical collection when he got here - got home - a few months ago. Sam showed him when they went there; Bucky had leaned close, tried to recognize that kid under the glass.

The supersoldiers put in about 20 miles before they decide to find Sam, now that they’ve finally broken a sweat. Cutting across the grass, they slow their pace to human level and look for their friend. Sam is still by the lake, stretching in the grass while laughing with a girl with a long braided ponytail and crazy tight workout clothes. Bucky and Steve share a look as they jog across the lawn, but act polite when the starstruck girl realizes who Sam’s running buddies are.

After taking a couple selfies with them, the girl jogs off to get ready for work, ponytail swinging behind her. Steve raises an eyebrow in Sam’s direction.

“So, what about that nurse?”

Sam gives him the finger.

***************************************************************************************

“Look man, all I’m saying is, you could give it a shot,” Sam shrugs, sipping from his to-go cappuccino. “I mean, who knows, there’s probably plenty of ladies out there who are into this whole thing.” He waves the coffee cup to gesture to Bucky’s entire body.

Bucky frowns. “I have a thing?”

“Sure, you know the brooding, emotionally tortured, dark past kinda thing.” Sam slaps his shoulder. “Lean into it, chicks dig that.”

Bucky nearly chokes on his own drink as he glares at Sam. Steve hides his smile behind his complete monstrosity of a drink. A limited edition something, the clear cup holds 20 ounces of frozen tie-dye, swirling in red, blue, and yellow, and topped with a mountain of whipped cream. Steve Rogers, ever the little shit, had ordered this drink with a straight face, and now slurps loudly on his straw, while taking breaks to run his finger through the whipped cream. Bucky can see the name “Cap” scrawled in neat sharpie on the side of the cup, with a star drawn next to it.

“I’m not interested, okay,” Bucky shrugs, dodging a piece of gum on the sidewalk. They had gotten coffee on their walk back to the brownstone, and were discussing a topic that now made Bucky’s skin crawl with discomfort - women.

“Hey, you don’t have to be looking for a wife,” Sam goes on. “But it wouldn’t hurt you to download an app or two. Tinder. Bumble. Something.”

“Aw, lay off him, Sam,” Steve finally speaks up, shaking his head. “Bucky’s not ready. Maybe he’ll feel like it when he’s back to his old lady killer self.”

Bucky cringes at the phrase, at the half-formed memories it conjures. A swaggering Brooklyn kid who spent far too much time combing his hair and winking at pretty girls. He remembers tucking flowers into the lapel of his suit jacket, spending hours shining his shoes, just to spend a night dancing with some pretty girl he’d never see again. He could barely bring himself to talk to strangers anymore, let alone ask one on a date.

“Shut up, Rogers,” he mumbles into his coffee. “That Bucky is dead and buried.”

He doesn’t have to look to know that Steve’s face has that stricken grimace he pulls whenever Bucky says something dark and self-deprecating. He wishes he could say those things without making Steve feel guilty, cause now he feels guilty…

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Buck…”

“I know, I know,” Bucky waves him off. “Just quit tryin’ to set me up, both of you. Let an old man rest, will you? Jeez…”

His little joke is enough to put Steve and Sam at ease again, and the conversation turns to Steve’s equally lackluster love life until they reach their place and shuffle up the front steps. Ivy creeps and climbs up the walls for this entire block of buildings, and Bucky wonders if someone planted it there. He likes the lush green of it, especially in the morning.

The 3 of them part ways to hit the showers. In his room again, Bucky’s eye is drawn back to his sad little pile of books.

Sam is smart. An asshole, yes, but smart. Which is why his book choices tend to include biographies, history, political topics - the stack on the nightstand includes only one novel, a recent bestseller about a retired veteran adopting a dog. Bucky remembers reading, being a reader - he remembers bringing home books from school or trading them at the bookstore or receiving them as gifts from Steve. But not those kinds of books. Nothing boring. Nothing to remind him of the uncertain, hard world he lived in.

He stares at the spines of Sam’s books for a few more moments, then hurries through the shower, his mind made up.

***************************************************************************************

“Um, excuse me,” he clears his throat at the front desk. “I need to return these, but, uh. I think - well, they’re overdue.”

Bucky tries a smile at the clerk, a middle-aged woman with a short-cropped haircut, but he can feel how unnatural it looks on his face. The clerk raises an eyebrow at him - he realizes he should have waited a bit before coming here; the tips of his hair are still wet, tiny wet spots coloring the shoulders on his hoodie.

“Well, let’s scan them and see,” she sighs, pulling his books across the desk. Bucky shifts, his hands curling and uncurling in his front pockets. The old Bucky could probably charm his way out of the fine, but this one? Not a chance in hell, Barnes. The librarian grabs the first book and scans the barcode taped to the plastic jacket.

His books are 13 days overdue - costing him a grand total of $5.20. He thinks of Steve’s now expensive coffee habit as he hands over the bill and change. There goes one of his frozen sugar nightmares.

With his fine taken care of, Bucky wanders his way through the fiction section, his eyes passing over names and titles without catching on anything. Sam’s books weren’t his taste. But he doesn’t even remember his own taste. Gloved fingers drift over the shelves, tapping on the wood.

“Can I help you find something?”

Bucky is embarrassed to be so startled - his head jerks around to see the old man standing there, a warm smile on his face. His shoulders are stooped a little, hands clasped behind his back as he tilts his head up to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“No...well, I don’t know,” Bucky huffs. “I don’t really know what I’m looking for.”

“Oh, I see,” the man nods. The crooked name tag on his striped shirt reads ‘Marvin’. “Would you like some recommendations, then?”

Bucky hesitates, quirking the corner of his mouth down.

“I guess so,” he nods. “I like...fiction. But I haven’t really read anything in a long time.”

Marvin nods quietly, pursing his lips. His eyes pass over the shelves behind his coke bottle glasses, tapping a finger to his chin.

“Follow me,” he shuffles down the aisle, waving a hand behind him. Bucky obeys, turning the corner onto the next set of author’s names. Marvin’s mouth moves silently as he walks along, searching and searching.

“Aha! Here we go.” He reaches up to a shelf at eye level, taking a book and showing Bucky the front cover. “This has been a classic since it was published, really. And the author wrote a trilogy that followed. It’s fantasy, maybe that’s your thing?”

“I...I’m trying new things,” Bucky decides, clearing his throat as he takes the book, admiring the pastoral scene on the cover. “Um, you said he wrote other books?”

Marvin smiles and turns back to the shelf, reaching for the adjacent books.

******************************************************************************************

Bucky’s backpack makes a ‘thunk’ sound as he drops it next to his bed, closing the door with his foot. He had loaned all four books that Marvin suggested, eager as he read their inside covers. Maybe he and Steve and Sam could watch the movie adaptations sometime, on one of their pizza nights. He had always opted out of choosing a movie, so overwhelmed by the options and apathetic to Sam’s DVD library. But maybe he would suggest it to Steve next time. Steve would like that.

He toes off his sneakers, shuffling back and messing up the comforter on his perfectly made bed. When he first moved in, he thought the room was furnished with way too many pillows - who needs more than one pillow? Now he fluffs the three behind his back and props himself up against the headboard, leaning over to slip the first book out of his backpack. He settles back on his bed, folds back the cover to the first chapter.

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.”

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