#like yes i'm very qualified for this job

[unironicironic]

A moment of dumbassery

So I've been applying to jobs left and right lately, right? Took a small break over the weekend, got back into it today (still feeling burnt out tho, about 6 months damn near nonstop takes a toll so I might take a couple more days before I really get into it again) and all was going well. How I normally do it is I find some places, bookmark them and then apply en-masse to knock them all out. So I do that, then I get to actually applying. When I go to attach my resume on that first application, I almost attach a video I had saved as a sort of ig reaction video.

The video in particular?

[kuiinncedes]

I WILL APPLY FOR A JOB W A COVER LETTER TODAY

[grison-in-space]

you know what else fucks me up about the US election? one of the things that has left me reeling in bewilderment and grief this month?

I'm a scientist, y'all.

That means that I am, like most American research scientists, a federal contractor. (Possibly employee. It's confusing, and it fucks with my taxes being a postdoctoral researcher.) I get paid because someone, in the long run ideally me, makes a really, really detailed pitch to one of several federal grant agencies that the nation would really be missing out if I couldn't follow up on these thoughts and find concrete evidence about whether or not I'm right.

Currently, my personal salary is dependent on a whole department of scientists convincing one of the largest and most powerful granting agencies that they have a program that is really good at training scientists that can think deeply about the priorities of the agency. Those priorities are defined by the guy who runs the agency, and he gets to hire whatever qualified people he wants. That guy? The Presidential Administration picks that one. That's how federal agencies get staffed: the President's administration nominates them.

All of the heads of these agencies are personally nominated by the president and their administration. They are people of enormous power whose job is to administer million-dollar grants to the scientists competing urgently for limited funds. A million dollars often doesn't go farther than a couple of years when it's intended to pay for absolutely everything to do with a particular pitch, including salaries of your trainees, all materials, travel expenses, promoting the work among other researchers, all of it—so most smart American researchers are working fervently on grants all the time.

The next director of the NIH will be a Trump appointee, if he notices and thinks to appoint one. NSF, too; that's the group that funds your ecology and your astroscience and your experimental mathematics and physics and chemistry, the stuff that doesn't have industry funding and industry priorities. USDA. DOE, that's who does a lot of the climate change mitigation and renewable energy source research, they'll just be lucky if they can do anything again because Trump nigh gutted them last time.

Right now, I am working on the very tail end of a grant's funding and I am scurrying to make sure I stay employed. So I'm thinking very closely about federal agency priorities, okay? And I'm thinking that the funding climate for science is going to get a lot fucking leaner. I'm seeing what the American people think of scientists, and about whether my job is worth doing. It's been a lean twelve years in this gig, okay? Every time the federal government gets fucked up, that impacts my job, it means that I have to hustle even harder to get grants in that let me support myself—and, if I have any trainees, their budding careers as well!—to patch over the lean times as much as we can.

So I've been reeling this week thinking about how funding agency priorities are going to change. I work on sex differences in motivation, so let me tell you, the politics reading this one for my next pitch are going to be fun. I'm working on a submission for an explicitly DEI-oriented five year grant with a cycle ending in February, so that's going to be an exercise in hoping that the agency employees at the middle levels (the ones that know how to get things done which can't be replaced immediately with yes men) can buffer the decisions of those big bosses long enough to let that program continue to exist a little while longer.

Ah, Christ, he promised Health & Human Services (which houses the NIH) to RFK, didn't he? We'll see how that pans out.

I keep seeing people calling for more governmental shutdowns on the left now, and it makes me want to scream. The government being gridlocked means the funding that researchers like me need doesn't come, okay? When the DOE can't say fucking "climate change," when the USDA hemorrhages its workers when the agency is dragged halfway across the country, when I watch a major Texan House rep stake his career on trying to destroy the NSF, I think: this is what you people think of us. I think: how little scientists are valued as public workers. Why am I working this hard again?

This is why I described voting as harm reduction. Even if two candidates are "the same" on one thing you care about, they probably aren't the same level of bad on everything. Your task is to figure out the best person to do the job. It's not about a fucking tribalist horse race. A vote is your opinion on a job interview, you fucks. We have to work with this person.

Anyway, I'm probably going to go back to shaking quietly in despair for a little longer and then pick myself up and hit the grind again. If I'm fast, I might still get the grant in this miserable climate if I run, and I might get to actually keep on what I'm trying to do, which is bring research on sex differences, neurodivergence and energy balance as informed by non-binary gender perspectives and disability theory to neuroscience.

Fuck.

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗦𝗔𝗙𝗔𝗥𝗜 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟

　　　　　　　𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x guide!reader

SUMMARY: Where Y/N is the tour guide for the Sturniolo Triplets on their safari trip.

WARNING: None.

REQUESTED?: No.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Y/N was the type of girl passionate about wild animals, having spent her entire childhood and adolescence reading different books and watching millions of documentaries about each species. She felt comfortable around them, like she was finally home.

So it was no surprise to her family and friends when she got her first job at age 17 on a safari, and not just any safari, but the one in San Diego. She started as a simple intern and progressed through the ranks until she officially became, at the age of 20, the head tourist guide of the place.

So it wasn't news to her when she was chosen by the safari owner to be the tour guide for three famous YouTubers who paid to have 24 hours of the space just for them.

Despite finding it a bit exaggerated to have an entire safari to themselves, the girl was excited to meet them and be able to spend more time than usual explaining everything she knew about each animal that interested them.

Y/N spent the entire early morning walking around the different animal places, checking if everything was in its right place and organized as it should be, wanting the safari to be in perfect condition to be enjoyed and recorded.

The girl arrived at the zipline point 5 minutes late. It was no surprise, considering her stop in the tiger area, which she loved with all her being.

"Hi!" Y/N greeted as she approached the three figures already being prepared by the equipment. "You must be the Sturniolo, right?" She began, offering her hand to the one in the white jacket, who was already ready and closest to her. He shook it happily, giving her a wide smile.

"Are you our tour guide?" He asked hopefully, receiving a nod from the girl, who returned the smile. "Awesome, I'm Nick, and this is Matt and Chris." The boy pointed to the other two, making Y/N look at them quickly.

She felt a chill run up her spine and her heart skip a beat as she met Chris's eyes, he was obviously very similar to his brothers, but very different at the same time, and his unique features were what captivated Y/N instantly.

The girl forced herself to smile quickly, afraid of leaving an awkward atmosphere by staring at him, raising her hand to properly greet the other two.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Y/N, and I will accompany you during the first hours of your 24 hours of safari." Y/N spoke, traveling her eyes across the three of them. "Now you will go through the zipline, and then we will enter the safari! Don't worry, the trip is super safe, and the instructors are very qualified." The girl explained as she gestured with her hands, briefly pointing to the staff who would help them down.

The boys quickly thanked her, Chris giving her a big smile as he nodded at her words, appearing to be excited.

She walked away momentarily, letting them talk to each other and to the camera - which she only then noticed a fourth person holding and filming them.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

"Oh, Y/N! I see her, that's our guide." Chris exclaimed to the camera, quickly turning towards the girl and skidding down the slope, walking at a fast pace. "Hi, Y/N!" He spoke loudly as he approached, smiling big and waving his right hand, followed by his brothers.

The girl - who had her back to them - quickly turned around when she heard her name being called, a smile instantly appearing on her face when she saw Chris approaching her, her heart beating faster. Yes, she had a crush on the boy she was going to guide on the safari where she worked.

"Hi Chris, boys!" She greeted, waving and waiting for them to come closer.

"Before we start, is it okay for you to be filmed and appear on our channel? We're doing these 24 hours, especially for our subscribers, so we want to film as much as possible." Nick asked, pointing at the camera briefly.

"Oh, sure! No problem." Her response came gently, her eyes traveling to the camera. "Well, we have a lot of animals that we can visit today, but given the schedule, some will stay for tomorrow. Like the tiger-"

"Do you have a tiger?" Chris turned to her, eyes wide and mouth open in disbelief.

The girl smiled at his cuteness, nodding her head.

"Yes, we have." A feeling of pride filled her chest. She loved talking about her tigers. "But today we'll see more animals released, and tomorrow we'll see the ones that need to be locked up, okay?"

She stopped, waiting for the three of them to agree.

"Did you guys hear that?" Chris asked in a whisper-like shout, shaking Nick slightly with his enthusiasm.

"Yes, kid, we heard." The older man responded with a smile, rolling his eyes and patting Chris's hand on his arm.

"Any questions before we continue on?" Y/N asked, looking at them quickly.

"No questions!" The three responded almost simultaneously.

"Did you enjoy the zipline trip?" The girl asked as the five started walking towards the first stop.

"Yes, I was quite scared at first, but it was an incredible experience." Matt said, fiddling with the strings of his hoodie.

"Yes, I felt huge shivers in my stomach, but it gives you a feeling of euphoria afterward." Chris nodded, tucking his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie and increasing his stride so that he was practically next to Y/N.

"It's a really unique experience, I love that it's the biggest zipline in the USA and that you have such a paradisiacal view." She pointed to the horizon as they stopped near some telescopes, moving to the side so they could get a full view of the landscape.

She allowed them to enjoy it for a few minutes, watching them from a little distance.

"You can take it and look through the telescope if you want." Y/N indicated as she saw Chris staring at the telescope on the right, approaching him slowly.

He raised his blue eyes, exchanging glances with her for a few seconds before looking to the telescope again, his cheeks taking on a reddish hue.

"I thought I needed to pay to use them."

"No, go ahead, Chris." Y/N smiled gently, lifting the bottom of the object and pointing at it with her chin, watching as the boy walked closer and placed his hand next to hers, bending down slightly to fit his eye into the right space.

"Thanks."

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

"You can sit in the front with me if you want." Y/N said as they approached the safari "car" she would drive through the route, turning momentarily to Chris. "So your brothers can sit in the back seats and hear my voice better." She quickly added, fidgeting with her fingers nervously. She didn't want to sound unprofessional.

"Sure, that's fine with me." The brunette nodded, ignoring the smiles and looks that his brothers furtively sent him.

"Let's go then."

The five of them arranged their seats quickly, Chris getting comfortable on the passenger seat. He glanced at Y/N from the corner of his eye, pressing his lips into a thin line to keep from smiling.

Her perfume hit his nostrils hard as the car started moving, the wind doing a great job of making Chris dizzy from the delicious scent, holding himself back from getting closer and taking in a breath of air.

"This is Eminem. She has two younger brothers-"

"Oh, she's a rapper." Chris muttered, suddenly turning around and imitating rap gestures for his brothers, getting a laugh from them and Y/N, who shook her head in denial as she slowly stopped the car.

"Almost that." The girl joined in the fun.

"Can we get close to the animals?" Nick asked from the backseat, leaning against the back of the driver's seat and looking at them.

"No, I would lose my job." Y/N scoffed, letting out a laugh before speeding up again.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

"And here we have the giraffes, my second favorite safari attraction." Y/N pointed out, slowing the car down again, pointing to the group of animals near them. "Hi babies." She turned to them, greeting the ones she spent hours of her day petting and keeping company.

"Hi!" Nick followed Y/N's action, Chris and Matt saying the same afterward, smiles on their faces.

"You really love them." Chris commented briefly, leaning closer to Y/N so that only she heard him, the sound of Nick and Matt's voices muffled out from behind.

"I practically grew up in zoos and safaris. These animals are my life. That's basically what I love about this job." She began, her tone full of directness. "I know everyone sees them as simple animals, but they are more than that." Y/N explained, looking away from the giraffes and turning to Chris, momentarily getting lost in his eyes. "They're not just animals. They're intelligent... I mean, you can see there's some higher order thinking going on... Right?"

She expected to get a judgmental look or a "how crazy are you" say, but instead, Chris just smiled big and nodded slightly.

"I understand you. It's no wonder that our brand's new merch is with animal prints." The boy said, quickly lifting his hoodie and showing the t-shirt underneath, where it had a perfect drawing of a giraffe in the bottom corner. "And full of giraffes."

"Wow, that's beautiful!" Y/N spoke, her eyes wide as she looked at the t-shirt. It was so cool that they made something of their own signature inspired by animals.

It suddenly made sense to her why they paid for 24 hours there alone.

"If you're nice enough, I might consider giving you one of these later in the day." Chris teased, pulling down his hoodie and smirking at the girl.

Y/N rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she let out a low laugh.

"I'll earn it."

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

"Oh no, birds." Nick muttered as he noticed Y/N slowing down near the bird area, receiving laughter in response.

"These birds are incredible, I promise they don't come close to street doves or conventional ones." Y/N turned around, looking at Nick with a smile on her face. "Every day, they will sing to their partner to show that they're still in love." She commented, looking at Chris for a few seconds, before focusing on the birds behind him, feeling her cheeks heat up.

"Wow, we need that nowadays." Matt commented briefly. His eyes focused on the animals as he had a small smile of admiration on his face.

"Yeah, we really do." Chris nodded, his eyes fixed on Y/N. She swallowed hard at the intense staring, tearing her eyes away from the birds and returning her attention to the front.

An embarrassed smile appeared on her face, and she started the engine again while shaking her head, he really had a lot of boldness.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

After some small explanations on some specific animals, Y/N decided to make a bathroom stop near one of the cliffs that gave a view to one of the green landscapes.

Nick and Matt went to the bathroom while the man who was filming decided to take photos of some specific spots nearby, leaving Chris and Y/N alone - perhaps on purpose.

"I know we just met, and I don't know you, but is there any way I could take you out sometime soon?" The brunette approached Y/N in slow steps, releasing his question softly as he positioned himself next to her, facing forward. His hands were resting comfortably in the front pocket of his hoodie, and his eyes remained fixed on the greenery in front of him.

Despite being confident, he was afraid of receiving a big "no" for an answer.

"Are you always this straightforward with strangers?" The girl responded, turning to face him and resting her hips on the wooden fence, crossing her arms and watching him with her eyebrows raised.

She swore she saw his adam's apple move as he swallowed hard, not expecting that comeback. Chris opened his mouth to apologize but was cut off by the girl, who laughed.

"I'm just kidding. Saturday, I have the night off." Y/N answered his first question, watching Chris relax his stiff posture and a smile of relief fill his face.

He turned to her as he took his phone out of his pants pocket, unlocking the screen and opening the contacts app.

"Can I get your number?" The boy asked, offering the device to the girl. "S-so we can schedule dinner." He added quickly, smiling awkwardly.

It had been so many years since he last had the courage to make a move on a girl, and he felt like a complete idiot. But that girl moved him in a different way, and Chris would do anything to get to know her better.

taglist:

@lustfulslxt @ladybunny44 @worldlxvlys @earth2starkey @remussbitch @freshloveforthefit @il0vebeingdelulu @sturniolowhore @mimi-luvzyu @alorsxsturn @urfavgirllyyyyy @domizzzsstuff @sturniolho @islalovesmatt

(If you want to be added to the taglist, go to this post)

[woso-dreamzzz]

Flirts IV

Mapi León x Reader x Ingrid Engen

Summary: You have to go

It's not that you don't want to be there because you do.

It's that you have to go away for a surgery.

There's some rich woman in California who needs you to operate on her cat. She's paying an extortionate amount for your services and sending a private jet to pick you up.

You love those kinds of pet owners, the ones with enough money to fly in the very best if only because of the clear love they have for all of their pets.

But they're also clients you can't deny.

If someone wants to fly you out for enough money to keep a family afloat for a year, someone with enough influence to make or break anybody's career, you can't say no.

Even if your girlfriend is fighting for Euro's qualification.

"Do you have to go?" Mapi asks, sitting inside of your unpacked suitcase like she was Bagheera in a box.

Honey sits on the bed, head in her paws as she waits, tail wagging, for Mapi to throw her tennis ball.

"Yes," You say, trying to choose between your purple or your blue scrubs," It's a lot of money. Enough for that fancy holiday to the Maldives you guys want to take."

"But it takes you away from us," Mapi whines and Ingrid makes an agreeing noise from over by the door.

"I've travelled for work before."

"You're going to miss my match," Ingrid says and a pit forms in your stomach.

Before this job came up, you and Mapi were meant to be travelling to Norway to see Ingrid's last Euro Qualifiers game before going off in a camper van with her parents.

You'd still make it to the last part, depending on what the labs for this cat came back as but you'd have to miss the match.

You reach out for her, drawing her closer by the waist and resting your head on her chest.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I am, really. I can call up and cancel if you really want me to. I know a guy to recommend instead."

Ingrid sighs, her chin sitting on the top of your head. "No," She says," That cat needs the best care possible. We all know you're the best. Go and be a hero."

"I'd hardly be a hero. It's just surgery."

"Surgery for some woman that clearly adores her pet cat. What you do saves lives. I think that makes you a hero."

"You're so sweet, Ingrid."

"And hot!"

You laugh. "Thanks for that, Mapi. I'm sure she knows that seeing as you tell her everyday."

Mapi shrugs with a smirk on her face. "I'm sure it's nice to be reminded."

Honey whines on the bed and you roll your eyes.

"Throw the ball already. She's getting impatient."

Mapi frowns, waving the ball around.

Honey's eyes dart around erratically to follow it.

"She isn't barking, though?"

You laugh, crossing the space to take the ball and lay a soft kiss on Mapi's lips. "Because she's well-behaved, Mapi. She knows not to bark unless it's an emergency."

You throw the ball up and down to make sure Honey's still watching before you launch it out of the room.

She's off like a shot as Ingrid hauls Mapi out of your suitcase.

You still feel guilty though, through the flight, through the labs, through everything.

The cat is cute one, a little tortoiseshell with an amicable nature and a complete lack of awareness of her surroundings.

You've always been an animal person. You've always loved all of them but living with Mapi and Ingrid has just given you an even newer appreciation for cats.

The checkup happens quickly and the labs are already done and completed by the time you arrive.

Money really does move things along because all the charts are perfect and after what should have been a week long wait to begin, you manage to take a day to get over your jetlag and get to work immediately the day after.

Surgery is simple to you. It's easy and soon enough the cat is halfway to recovery.

You don't quite understand how private planes are hired and sent out, if someone has to book a runway days in advance or if they're open indefinitely.

The original plan had been for you to take a week to do this but now it's all done, you don't quite know what to do with yourself apart from stew in guilt.

You had planned to take your mind off Ingrid's game by throwing yourself into work.

You have no work though and can't help but imagine yourself in Norway with your girlfriends, curled up in Mapi's arms while Ingrid whispers to you.

You swipe away a tear as you head down for dinner, your host gracious enough to treat you to a meal for all your good work.

You've gone radio silent to your girlfriends but neither are surprised.

You're always like that when you go out of the country for work, focused only on your patient. You want no distractions.

Mapi sits slumped in her seat next to Ingrid watching Norway play their last qualifier, sighing to herself as she looks at pictures of the three of you together.

"What's with the pout?" Ingrid teases, running her thumb over Mapi's jutted out bottom lip.

"I miss her," Mapi mutters, feeling a bit like a little kid sulking.

"I know but she'll be here soon and then we go out exploring with my parents before heading back home for preseason. It's not that long of a wait."

"I don't want to wait at all."

"I know but-"

A body slumps down on Mapi's other side and both of them turn.

"I'm not really a fan of this hotdog," You say," It's not bad but I guess I'm not that hungry. Do you want some Mapi?"

You don't get an answer from her because she crushes you into a hug. The hotdog that you regrettably bought squishes between your bodies.

You don't complain though, especially when Ingrid moves into the hug as well, tightening her grip around the both of you.

"I thought you couldn't make it?"

"Money talks," You tease," And the owner felt a bit of pity when I told her that I'd have to watch this match on tv. Chartered a jet for me to come straight here."

"And the cat?" Mapi asks.

"The cat's good. Recovering."

"I'm so happy you're here."

"We're both happy," Ingrid says," So, so happy."

You grin at your girls, the smiling splitting your face.

"I'm happy to be here too."

[onlyangel4]

I love your stuff and this is my first time requesting anything sorry if I'm doing it wrong but can you do stargazing by Myles Smith with George Russell?

stargazing. gr63. smau.

george russell x girlfriend!reader

george has posted pictures of you but you have never been to a grand prix and as soon as the fans see you and george together they realise just how perfect you are for him.

faceclaim: lana condor

georgerussell posted a story tagging y/ninsta

written: surprise! both y/n and darla will be in austria this weekend

y/ninsta posted a story

written: i promise darla is excited to watch her dad race and to meet roscoe

mercupdates

liked by user1, user2, user3 and 43,283 others

mercupdates: george has arrived to the paddock for media day and for the first time he is joined by his girlfriend of two years, y/n y/ln and their dog darla.

view all 432 comments

user1: i just watched the video of them entering the paddock and darla running straight over to toto, they have deffo met before.

user2: i'm so excited to see y/n in the paddock

user3: i can't wait for darla to meet roscoe

user4: my fav dog mum and dad

georgerussell posted a story

written: as you can see i am over the moon that y/n is in the paddock today

y/ninsta posted a story

written: while the boys are in a meeting i am in charge of the dogs. as you can see roscoe is overjoyed.

georgerussellfan

liked by user5, user6, user7 and 34,238 others

georgerussellfan: okay so the cutest thing just happened in the press conference. a reporter said, "i understand that there is someone very important to you in the paddock today george" and then y/n whooped and george said, "hi babygirl!, yes my girlfriend and dog are here today, it is definitely more pressure having them in the paddock i would rather not embarrass myself in front of y/n"

view all 298 comments

user5: "babygirl" i'm going to throw up they are so cute

user6: we have never seen y/n and george together before and i love them so much already

user7: i need y/n to attend more races so we get more cute moments like these

y/ninsta posted a story

written: qualifying day outfit

mercedesamgf1 posted a story

written: y/n is claiming she is "just a girl" after telling admin that she thought the cars just went "80mph like someone speeding on the motorway"

y/ninsta posted a story tagging georgerussell

written: this man drives all day and still refuses to let me drive us to the hotel

y/ninsta posted a story

written: race day baby

f1fan posted a story

written: guys i have a paddock pass for today and i just walked past george and y/n. y/n was wearing a pair of mercedes brand crocs and george was carrying her heels. she stopped and spoke to me quickly she said she "made the rookie mistake of wearing heels" they are so cute

mercedesamgf1 posted a story

written: toto wolff better watch out, y/n is after his job.

y/ninsta

liked by georgerussell, lewishamilton, landonorris and 624,119 others

tagged: georgerussell

y/ninsta: proud feels like an understatement

view all 4,281 comments

georgerussell: told you that i was not going to embarrass myself in front of you

y/ninsta: you definitely didn't embarrass yourself

mercedesamgf1: petition for you to come to every race

user8: i just love this couple so much

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[cheriladycl01]

I cant do this anymore - George Russell x Wolff! Reader P3

Plot: You are the daughter of Toto Wolff team principle of Mercedes-AMG Petronas, you've worked your whole life to become an engineer. However, your dad has other ideas for you and doesn't want you to become a race engineer. You start to confide more in the Red Bull Racing Team Principle to help you get an engineering job, and see him as your present father figure.

"You ready for our first Grand Prix together Max?" you ask, testing with Max had gone really well and Christian was happy with the dynamic the both of you had. Max as gentle and kind as he was, he was very ambitious and that ambition when it didn't prevail often turned into anger.

Christian saw, in FP1 and FP2 when he didn't think he was performing that well, you just completely calm Max down and talk him through each component of what he needed to improve. He listened to her on took on board when to conserve his tires, when do take turns wider or more sharply etc. And testing couldn't have gone better for Red Bull.

"You know it, lead me to Victory Y/N" he grinned before hopping into the car. You walk over to your station making sure all of the data on the car is looking as good as it did yesterday in qualifying and to check for any errors that could mess Max up in his first few laps. Nothing stuck out, and you could tell that both the car and Max would perform well today.

"Is Y/N here i need to talk to her before the race" you heard through your headphones, you turn seeing George in his racing suit and helmet in hand talking to some of the mechanics.

"Mate, you are a driver. You should be getting in your car for radio check. You cant be in the Red Bull area okay?" he advises, making George look around quickly before huffing and walking away in dissatisfaction.

"Max, Radio Check can you hear me" you ask and get a response immediately.

"Yes, loud and clear! Today will be good!" he exclaims.

And how true he was, you guided him into P1, it was an amazing start to you helping Max win the Championship, Mexico had been an amazing drive for him. He shared a podium with Lewis and Charles. There were a few cameras that caught you and Lewis looking at each other and you giving him a thumbs up.

Media teams were about to have a field day.

"You are amazing Y/N! You know the car so well I bet YOU could be the driver! Those strategies were insane" Max complimented you as he'd taken his helmet off and pulled you into an insanely sweaty hug of thanks for a great first race.

"Oh god, I'm definitely not driver material! Don't tell anyone, but I don't actually have my drivers license" you cringe giggling at him, it was something you'd never needed. Your mum or dad normally drove you around before uni, and once you were there everything was within walking distance. It had just felt pointless.

"No way, you've got to be lying to me" Max laughs, wondering how you'd survived so long without something like that.

"Honestly George or Lewis used to drive me around a lot, when i had to go to the Mercedes HQ back home he'd take me if my parents couldn't! You say a light smile on your face before it turned sour thinking of the mousy brown haired man that had completely lost any trust you had placed in him.

"Lets not think about them. Lets talk about you coming with me, Christian, Geri, Kelly, Sergio, Hugh and Carola?" he asks and a massive grin comes onto your face.

"I'm invited to the Horner dinner, huh? That sounds kinda important and fancy. I might just have to decline" you joke making Max roll his eyes.

"No, you are joining us and are having fun and getting your mind off Thing one and Thing two" he jokes, you tried to keep a serious face but you really couldn't.

"Anyway, considering the Princess cant drive do you want me to take you back to the hotel?" he asks smiling.

"If that's okay with you!" you smile happily, he nods slinging an arm around your shoulder guiding you to the car.

"So when do I finally get to meet P!" you exclaim, even though you'd only been working with Max for a week, you'd gotten to know him very well. You had to considering he had to trust listening to you while he was driving round a track a 200 miles an hour.

"Hmmmm I think Kelly said she'd be bringing her to the race next week. It's Brazil so its an important one for her!" he admits. The conversation flew between you and Max, it was strange really it felt like you'd been friends with him for ages. You had to grovel when it came to any of the Mercedes Drivers in the past, so this easiness to making friends felt good.

That was one thing you'd struggled with. You had a love for F1 straight away considering who you parents were and where you were constantly travelling from race to race until you got to university age. So you didn't actually have many friends who stuck around.

You both eventually ended up at the hotel, you waved at Kelly who was waiting for the both of you and she pulled you into a big hug as she walked over to you.

"You both did amazing today! So proud of you! Y/N, did Max end up inviting you to dinner tonight!" she exclaims, wanting you to be there as well.

"Yes, I'll be there" you smile and say your goodbye's before dashing into your room to get ready for the dinner.

You struggled on what to wear and ended up calling Max to get Kelly to help you on what the dinner vibe was for tonight. You ended up showing her half the stuff you'd brought to Mexico with you and ended up picking one of your nicer dresses from Versace.

You took some pictures before a knock was heard at your door that had you confused as you were meeting up with Kelly and Max outside theirs in 30 minutes.

You opened the door, and looked up to see who had come to the door.

"Omg" you both said at the same time, you tried to slam the door shit. George wouldn't ruin your night, he didn't deserve too.

However, a foot and arm in the door and his general athletic body that made him stronger than you prevented all of that. He practically barged his way in.

You both stood there in awkward silence. George couldn't get over how beautiful you looked. I mean, you were always beautiful to him. But tonight in the black dress that he swore Donatella had personalized just for you, and the way your hair fell around you face in an effortless fashion. He couldn't look away from you.

"If you've come here to accuse me some more, then just leave. I'm about to have a really good night with friends, people who actually care for me and want me to succeed and if I'm being honest I do not need your negativity" you say, turning around to check yourself in the mirror.

"You look gorgeous tonight. So i wont do this tonight, but please meet me in between the Mercedes and Williams garage next week in Brazil. We need to talk. We've been friends for years and I don't want my stupidity to come between us" he says, stepping towards you going to reach out his hand. You step back, it took a lot especially with this ocean blue puppy eyes looking at you with that sad expression that would make anyone fold.

"Please, After Qually, I'm only asking for five minutes Y/N please" he begs trying to catch your eyes but you were doing your best not to look at them too often, knowing you would probably cave.

"I'll think about it. If I'm there we can talk, if not then its up to you if our friendship is really worth waiting for" you admit, walking to the door and opening it up for him as a sign that he should leave.

"I've waited long enough" he mumbles before walking out the door himself and leaving towards the lift that was down the corridor from your room.

The night had gone so well, you were really beginning to feel comfortable around those in Red Bull. The people at the table were being so kind to you as the newbie, Christian pouring you the water, recommending you dishes he liked whilst arguing with the actual Mexican in the room who knew the cuisine of the restaurant like the back of his hand, to offering you the salt and proceeding to do it for you had your heart melting.

It was stupid, really. You shouldn't be this emotional over an older man doing small silly little tasks that you could tackle alone but just was nice to have the offered help. Help that you hadn't received in recent years.

"I really want to thank you all for tonight, its been really nice to hang out with you. And i cant wait for a double podium in Brazil next week!" you exclaim clinking you glass with everyone around the table.

However, George still managed to creep into your mind thanks to his earlier disturbance.

Would he actually apologise?

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @urdad-hot

Hey guys, so i've noticed some people in the taglist aren't getting tagged, I'm not sure if this is username changes or what... but i will start to take of one that don't link to an actual page, so if you see your account name and its not working please feel free to message me, or comment her or on my masterlist of taglist so i can see your knew username!

[matchamida]

kenma’s smashing birthday

the nekoma team thinks you should really watch what you say. [a short kozume kenma x reader]

“Hey Kenma, wanna smash on your birthday?”

A horrid silence settles amongst the boys as they stop in their tracks and swerve their heads to you.

Taketora trips on his laces.

“Listen here,” Kuroo begins dryly. “Because you’re my friend, and I know how your brain works, I understand what you mean.”

“And what exactly could it mean?” Yaku squawks with a reddening face.

“Smash?” you clarify. “It’s a—”

“I know what smashing is!”

Kuroo throws back his head and laughs.

“Shut up! Ugh, I never thought I’d have to say that sentence out loud…”

“Sorry, what’d you say out loud?”

“I’m not falling for that. And you!” Yaku redirects his glare in your direction. “We’re in public! Think before you speak, will you? You’re attracting attention!”

Kai smiles politely. “Yaku-san. I don’t mean any disrespect, but it’s your volume that’s causing people to look at us…”

“…we need to move, now.”

“Wait, I need to tie my shoe.”

“Tora, for the love of god, you have ten seconds.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Lev, you bastard, we just had yakisoba. You had three plates. Gah, you monstrous beanstalks and your appetites.”

“I’m sorry you’re not a part of the beanstalk club,” Kuroo offers somberly. “You see, we only accept qualified members, which you’re clearly not.”

“Wouldn’t wanna be qualified when there’s an old rooster on board. With no taste in protein, I might add.”

Kuroo smiles, but his eyes don’t. “Lev, what do you feel like eating? Your options are either boring meat, or healthy, tasty, good-for-your-brain fish?”

The two impatiently wait for their favored answer.

“…since when did Nekoma have a beanstalk club?” Lev ponders.

“…Fish it is.”

Yaku sighs irritatedly. “Tora, you done?”

“Uh, not yet.”

“What—it’s been five minutes! How are you still tying your shoe?”

“S-sorry! It’s just that g-g-guh-GUHHHH-HUHHH-girl over there keeps staring at me and it’s making me nervous!”

“Are you struggling because she’s staring or is she staring because you’re struggling.”

“Both…” Yamamoto wails pitifully.

“Taketora-senpai, I’ll cover you from her eyesight!” And Lev stands very close to Yamamoto’s head to tower over his kneeling figure.

“Get away from my/his face, you idiot!” Yamamoto and Yaku shriek in mortification, prompting more people to look over.

“We’re not doing anything inappropriate,” Kai informs a staring passerby. “We’re okay,” he adds as Yaku attempts to pull Lev away, only to stumble and knock Lev onto Taketora. “Really, we’re fine,” Kai concludes as all three boys collapse like bowling pins.

Kuroo sighs haggardly, and looks over to you. “Now look at what you’ve done.”

You lay a steely gaze on the rooster enabler. “Like you weren’t a part of it.”

“Hey, I wasn’t the one who started it.”

“I just asked a question! Oh yeah, hey Kenma—”

“You’re all idiots,” Kenma finally says, emerging from the corner he vanished to earlier. “If everyone wants to treat me on my birthday, the least you all can do is behave and not act like animals.”

“I’m behaving,” you protest. “I'm doing a good job of it.”

Kenma shoots you a sour look. “Not doing a good job of being mindful. Do you ever think about what comes out of your mouth?”

“Huh? All I asked was if you wanted to smash on your birthday. We can have the team join us if you want.”

Kuroo coughs. Kenma looks ready to vanish again. In fact, you think he’s turning transparent as you speak.

“…I’m not asking too much, am I,” he mutters.

“Sooo.” You shuffle in disappointment. “No smash?”

Here, Kenma gains his full opacity back.

“YES, we can PLAY SUPER SMASH BROTHERS! Don’t be so weird about it. Besides, I’d… never say no to you…”

The bowling pins stop their squabbling and look over, understanding finally dawning on their faces.

“You couldn’t have clarified that earlier?” Yaku demands.

And here, Kenma deflates, spent from raising his voice and interacting in general. He slinks back into his corner. Kuroo inhales, and lets out another sigh like the old man he is.

“Now that that’s over with,” he says, grinning faintly, “ready for some birthday smash?”

“Always,” you say warmly.

“Do not,” Yaku warns. “Let’s get out of here already. Lev, Tora, up!”

“Um, Yaku-san.”

“Tora, what now?!”

“I need to tie my other shoe.”

[atticsandwich]

burnt toast, sunday

pairing: mephistopheles / gn!mc

slice of life, bonding with mephisto's younger brother, mephisto being a boyfail (endearingly) but he's also a really good older brother

"Don't you have royal babysitters for this kind of thing?"

"Yes and no, but I'd rather have someone I trust to look after my precious little brother."

"So you trust me?"

"Wh...?! Only because Lord Diavolo does!"

or: a babysitting favor-turned-impromptu sleepover party, accidental wingman-er, wingdemon little brother, and poor Mephisto having an internal crisis

[set in the OG timeline, pre-NB]

quick a/n: i cannot for the life of me think of a name for mephisto's brother, so watch how many variations of "little brother" i can use before u get sick of it <3 i like to picture him kinda like a Luke-sized version of Mephisto lol

a/n part 2: erm. i might've accidentally made this a full-fledged fic instead of a quick little drabble help

-

"So let me get this straight," you start, trying to process what the noble demon before you just proposed.

"You want me to babysit your little brother this weekend, because..."

"--Because I need to attend an event, and I have no one else to turn to but you, yes, that's the gist of it," he finishes, both arms on his hip as if he's recounted this to you 5 times over.

(He has.)

"What about your parents?" you inquire.

Sighing, he returns to his seat across from you, like the thought of them gave him a headache.

"Off to who-knows-where in an exclusive excursion. Last time I called they were somehow in Santorini."

"In the Human Realm?!"

"If you're wondering if there are any more demons masquerading as humans up there, no, there aren't. They'd need permission from Lord Diavolo first lest they get hunted down by Barbatos."

"Oh. That's assuring."

"It's a bad look for the Devildom if we leave our denizens unattended. Anyways, back to the topic at hand--"

"Don't you have, like, royal babysitters for that kind of thing?" you interject. "Like, you know, a personal butler?"

"Yes, and no," another sigh escapes him.

"While we do have butlers, they're more for tending to the estate. Plus, I doubt they could tend to my little brother's pasttime interests. I could very well simply hire a royal babysitter, as you would call it, but I'd rather have someone I trust look after my precious brother."

"So... you trust me?" you try to stop yourself from giving him a smug grin, but the chance was too perfect to miss.

"Wh...?! D-Don't twist my words, human! I only say that because Lord Diavolo does!" his face is flushed in embarrassment, clearly taken aback by the quip. He diverts his face away from looking at you, instead suddenly finding the Newspaper Clubroom's accent wall of interest.

Classic.

"Plus, considering your background experience with those brothers, I'd say you're more than qualified for the job."

You hold back from giggling - which he picks up on - much to his annoyance. But you find yourself curious about his home and his brother, who he's mentioned in many separate occasions. You have to admit, you'd also like to meet what kind of brother Mephisto has.

"Alright, I'll do it," you finally say, standing from your seat, fully decided.

"Wh-Really? Oh. Good. Perfect," he tries hiding the way his shoulders relax from stiffness, clearly relieved you finally agreed.

"...On one condition, though."

"Hm? Name your price."

"Ask me again, but this time, say 'pretty please?'"

(And if the students outside that room jumped from the doors suddenly bursting open, with a red-faced demon chasing a laughing human around, cane in hand, well, they'll just chalk it up as another normal day at R.A.D.)

-

"Whad'ya mean you won't be home the whole weekend?!" Mammon's whines fall on deaf ears as he watches you pack your overnight bag. You've already told him about the arrangement a few days prior, but it seems the information just processed now.

"It's not like I'm moving away, Mams."

"But what if you fall in love with his house and decide to stay there forever?!" he whines more, as you let out an amused giggle.

"I'll get you a little souvenir when I get back, okay? We can hang out then."

"Promise?"

"Promise. You won't even notice I'm gone!" you zip up your bag, finishing up your pack. As you do, a knock on your door grabs the attention of both of you.

"Yeah?"

"Um..." the door creaks open, revealing a groggy, half-awake Belphegor. "There's a guy waiting for you outside, I think he's one of Mephistopheles' drivers."

Giving the youngest demon a thumbs up, you stand, slinging your overnight bag on your shoulder. It's not too heavy, and after double checking if everything's in order, you make your way out of your room.

"Ride's here! See ya later Mams! Thanks Belphie!"

You walk past some of the brothers on your way out, bidding your goodbyes as you do, although not before taking a little extra bag full of snacks that Beel insisted you bring with you. Upon reaching the house's front gate, you're greeted by a tall demon, clad in formal wear. He introduces himself as your designated driver sent by Mephisto, and ushers you in the vehicle after you return the introduction.

The ride to Mephisto's estate is quiet, and you occupy your time by scrolling through your D.D.D, updating Lucifer that you just left the house, as he had to leave earlier to finish R.A.D-related paperwork. You also send updates in your group chat with the brothers, as well as the guys from Purgatory Hall - who insisted on getting updates, too.

Before long, the car pulls up to a giant, gilded gate - extravagant feels like an understatement, you think, the intricacy of its details almost reminding you of classic gothic architecture from the Human Realm. The mansion itself isn't something to scoff at either; you already knew Mephisto's family was filthy, stinkin' rich - Mammon's words, not yours - but seeing it yourself is an entirely different story.

The car slows down to a halt, stopping at the manor's front entrance. The driver quickly exits the vehicle to usher you out, before driving off to a separate part of the estate. Mephistopheles is standing by the front door, already dressed up for the event he mentioned.

"Lookin' good, Mephisto! That coat looks great on you," you tease and wave a greeting.

"You've arrived. I trust the drive was pleasant?" rolling his eyes, he pretends not to hear anything you just said.

"Definitely beats walking to here, that's for sure," you say as he opens the door for you, beckoning you inside

"Someone's being a gentleman today!"

"Tch," he furrows his brows in annoyance. "Only because you're a guest, so don't get used to it," You can't help but giggle at the treatment, saying a quick thanks as you walk in.

His manor is huge - the large, open foyer that greets you the second you step in is embellished in gold and marble pillars, with a chandelier befitting its grandeur. A portrait of two demons is its centerpiece, who you can assume are his parents. He leads you through an arched entryway leading to the living room, decorated with a large ornate rug and furniture that looks like it got taken directly from a rococo painting - not to mention the actual rococo-style paintings hanging on its walls.

"As you can tell, this is the living room," he pauses for a bit before continuing. "Although we only really use it if my parents have guests over. Even then, they prefer having tea at the backyard."

"Dude, your house is like, a museum," words fail your thoughts.

"Don't be ridiculous, you've been to the Demon Lord's castle plenty of times for you to still be ogling at some gilded furniture."

"Yeah, but he's like - the prince - and I already expected that anyway since the word castle is in the name, y'know?"

He rolls his eyes, continuing the mini-tour.

"Past that hall is the kitchen, and the dining hall is opposite of it," he points out. "Don't worry about food, though. I've already informed the butlers of your staying. They'll call when food is ready. You can ask tea from them at any time, as well."

"Aw, really? I kinda wanted to try cooking at a fancy mansion..."

"Don't you already do enough cooking at the House of Lamentation?"

"Yeah, but I rather enjoy it - plus, my baking skills are a bonafide way to make any kid like me! Or at least, that's what Luke says..."

He rolls his eyes again, before sighing in resignation. "Knock yourself out then, I'll let the butlers know. They'll inform you where everything is if you ask."

"Heh, thanks Meph." he grimaces at the even-shortened nickname, but lets it slide anyways.

"For the main point of you staying here, my brother's room is upstairs," he leads you to a set of staircases at the end of the living room leading to a large hallway at the second floor. "Follow me to his room - I've made arrangements so the room next to his can be your quarters. There's an en suite bathroom, so you don't need to worry about that."

"Thanks, you've really thought of everything, huh?" he rolls his eyes again, but doesn't retort.

"My brother's quite shy, so it might take some time and a bit of coercion for him to warm up to you. He's never really had a proper babysitter before," he pauses, stopping at one of the doors, before giving a firm knock.

A soft "come in" can be heard from the inside, as Mephisto and you enter the room. The room itself is quite different from the overall feel of the mansion - it's a lot more casual and comfortable. It's still quite large, with a seating area and a multiple bookshelves, leading to a large bed. You see a young demon seated in a sofa, book in hand, as he stands to greet his brother. He's about the same size as Luke, although unmistakably of the same blood as Mephisto - similarly colored well-kept hair, green eyes... yeah this demon is definitely his brother.

"Big brother!" he greets enthusiastically. Just from that, you can tell how close they are. "-- and... um..."

"Hello there," you give the smaller demon a wave and your warmest smile. Embarrassed, he hides his face behind the book he's holding.

"No need to be shy, this is, er, my friend from RAD who I mentioned will be looking after you while I'm away," he explains. The younger demon peers at you from his book, before nodding to his brother.

"Hello..." he's too cute, you think, almost wanting to squeeze the life out of the boy. He continues looking at you, until it looks like something clicks in his head.

"Big brother, are they the human you keep telling me about?"

Oh? You had to stop yourself from spitting out a noise in surprise, although turning to Mephisto, who's suddenly beet-red from what his brother said, didn't help your cause, and unfortunately, just made you want to let out a louder laugh. His younger brother's eyes just sparkle even more.

"It is you! Big brother's told me about you before! You're even prettier in real life!" his enthusiasm is cut short when Mephisto covers his mouth to keep him from saying anything else, although he's conveniently looking everywhere but at you. For now, you spare him mercy and lean down to his younger brother's height.

"That's nice of you to say," you smile, Mephisto's hand finally releasing his brother's mouth. "Your big brother has also told me about how much of a wonderful little brother you are."

He's embarrassed again, returning to hiding his face behind his book. The moment is interrupted, however, when Mephisto's D.D.D starts beeping an alarm, and, upon seeing the time on the screen, turns it off and nods to the two of you.

"Ah, that means I must take my leave. I'll leave you to it then - and uh," he turns, looking at his younger brother. "Please don't embarrass your big brother..." he half-whispers to him, although you hear it quite clearly. "Give me a call if anything happens. I should be back by lunchtime tomorrow."

"See ya, Mephisto!"

"Take care, big brother!"

-

Looking after Mephisto's younger brother is a delight, you think. Although the demon was indeed, pretty shy at first, the moment he saw your Ruri-Hana keychain dangling from your D.D.D - gifted to you by Levi - his eyes started sparkling and all the icebreaker meekness got thrown out the window.

"I-I love Ruri-Hana! I watch all her shows!"

"Why don't we have a little watch party tonight? I'll bake some themed cookies, too!"

"R-Really? You'd do that?" his voice is clearly quivering from excitement at the prospect. You giggle and pat his head in response.

"Absolutely! If you want, you can help, too!"

The elated smile he gives in response is bright, and he pulls you across his room to show you the little corner where he keeps all his memorabilia. His enthusiasm is endearing, and you can't help but feel a sense of older-sibling duty, not too dissimilar as what you feel with Luke.

"Wow! That's a figure of that one time she dressed up as Santa-Devil for a Devilmas special!" all the bingewatching with Levi finally paid off, as you silently thank the third-born in your head for getting you into the franchise as well.

For a while he shows you his collection, until you have an idea and pull out your D.D.D. You show him pictures of a recent convention you went to with Levi, and all the pictures you took with Ruri-Hana franchise cosplayers. His eyes light up at each one, excitedly naming each character. Not long after, a butler knocks on the room, informing the both of you that lunch was to be served.

The dining hall, despite only having you and Mephisto's younger brother, is filled with chatter as you both eat. You learn that he also reads a ton of books, a sentiment that you share. He tells you his favorites, and expresses interest on reading Human Realm literature. You promise to bring over some the next time you're over, which excites the little demon.

After lunch, you start prepping for baking, and after being given a quick kitchen tour by a butler, you work on laying out everything you need. Mephisto's brother is on the other side of the counter on a step stool, so he can see the countertop, pencil and paper in hand, drawing cookie shape ideas to fit the theme.

By the time you both finish cutting and carving off shapes for the dough, it's already late afternoon and the butler comes by to offer you both tea and some light snacks. The younger demon suggests a tea break in the garden, and you go along with his suggestion. He leads you outside through a hallway past the kitchen, and you're greeted by a large expanse of lush flora, and even further, you spot a large clearing where multiple Devildom horses are grazing.

"That midnight one over there is the fastest, he's my big brother's favorite!" he points out, and you spot the horse in question. It's a gorgeous stallion, its fur seemingly glittering under the Devildom moon.

"I have a horse of my own too, but big brother says I'm still too young to race..."

"I'm sure you'll be at it soon!" you assure him. "I don't know much about horseback riding though, so you'll have to show me the ropes when the time comes."

"Oh! Maybe big brother can teach you! Then you'll be able to ride horses, too!"

You lightly laugh at his enthusiasm at the topic, although the image of Mephisto helping you on a saddle flashes in your mind. You hurriedly swallow down the thought - and the slight fluster - with some tea, before you can dwell too much on it.

"I doubt your brother likes me enough to teach me," you lightheartedly joke. The furrow in the young demon's brow slightly surprises you though, as he turns to face you.

"That's not true! Big brother likes you a lot!"

"He... does?" He does?

"Yeah! He's a bit weird about it sometimes, though. He says he's impressed by you and how you reign around the demon brothers, but then he'll also say how much he wants to squeeze the 'life out of your pretty face!'"

"Ah..." your cheeks are quickly turning red, but you try to shake off the imagery. You take another sip of tea to try calm your beating heart down.

"I don't know what he meant by that, though. I don't want him to crush your face!"

His childlike naivete reminds you of Luke, causing you to laugh. "Don't worry, I'm sure he didn't mean it literally," you assure him. You pause, in thought for a second. "So... what else has he said about me?"

"O-Oh! He says that you're such a hard worker. He's told me that not only are you a student council member, you're also a sorcerer's apprentice! That must be hard..."

"Well, it is, but I manage. I do enjoy being in the Devildom, after all."

"He...uh, he says he hopes you're getting enough rest though," the younger demon's voice pauses, a bit hesitant to continue, which you pick up on.

"Hm?" Interesting. "What do you mean?"

"Uh, um... sometimes he'll complain about finding you asleep around school and that now he has to make sure no one disturbs you... so he-ah--! I think I've said too much! Please don't let big brother know I told you!"

You're thankful he's hiding his face in shame because you're pretty sure your own face is also red from being flustered. In your head you're already teasing Mephisto with this information, but you can't deny that your heart fluttered upon learning he's been watching over you all this time - how typical of him, you think.

"How about I tell you a little secret too? Just between us," you offer, calming him down.

"Um... okay, I'm listening," his eyes are focused on you now, clearly all-ears in anticipation.

"I really like your big brother, too."

"R-Really?! You do?"

You nod your head in assurance. "Promise not to tell him though?"

"Yeah! I promise!"

"Alright then. How about you help me make the icing for the cookies now so we can decorate immediately after dinner?"

Before he can respond, however, your D.D.D. starts ringing from where you put it on the table. Looking at the caller I.D., you can't help but breathe out a little giggle. Speak of the devil.

"Meph? What's up?"

"I'm just checking in to see how everything's going. There hasn't been any problems, has there?"

"I-Is that big brother? I wanna talk to him!" again, this kid's enthusiasm is endearing.

"Here, why don't you talk to your brother?"

-

To say he's been restless the entire event is an understatement - Mephisto has been fidgeting and pacing back and forth the entire time. It's not that he doesn't trust the human to look after his beloved sibling, no, it's the dawning realization that his brother might start saying things. Suddenly, the countless R.A.D. stories he's told him that involved you became embarrassment fuel. He's tried distracting himself by socializing with the other nobles in the grounds, however all the attempts have been proven futile. Glugging down demonus didn't seem to be working either, having to be cautious that he wasn't drinking too much.

Checking the time, he infers that it should be fine to give a call - just to make sure, he assures himself, scrolling his contacts list until he spots your name.

Just one call, Mephistopheles, don't overthink it!

A few rings later, you pick up, and he lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in.

"Meph? What's up?"

"I'm just checking in to see how everything's going. There hasn't been any problems, has there?" he's fidgeting the cuff of his sleeves, still restless.

"Is....brother? I wanna....talk....!" he recognizes the voice in the background as his little brother, although talk about poor reception - he'll need to speak with the venue coordinator later.

"Here... don't.... talk.... brother?" the reception sounds like it's getting worse, which is not helping his nerves at all - he can't decipher what either of you are trying to say.

"Brother.... help.... icing.... decorate.... watch.... bad guys....."

?!

"H-Hello? Are you still there? Hey! What do you mean help?!" he's frantic now, trying not to jump to any conclusions - in any case though, he definitely heard his little brother say help and bad guys before the line got cut off from the poor reception... Right?

So like any responsible big brother would, he apologizes to the event host, citing an emergency, and hurriedly calls for his chauffeur to get him home as soon as possible.

-

"Hm? That's weird, the line got cut off..." you both stare at your phone screen, wondering what happened.

"Oh...."

"Don't worry," you try conforting the younger demon. "I'm sure he just had some business to attend to. Let's try calling him again later, yeah?"

"Okay! I wanna tell him about the Ruri-Hana cookies....!"

"Let's go prepare the icing then!"

Nodding, he excitedly gets up from his seat, taking your hand as he hurriedly leads you back to the kitchen. Upon arriving, you both immediately get to work, and he picks out food coloring combinations while you mix up the icing base, dividing it into multiple bowls. He's at first worried that there wouldn't be enough colors, until you remind him that he can mix for new ones, and he's back to excitedly listing down which colors correspond to which bowl.

You both finish prepping everything just in time for dinner; the little demon scarfing down his meal as fast as he could - almost reminding you of a certain ginger demon - and you laugh as you try to match his pace. Before long you're both back in the kitchen, watching the first batch of cookies turn a nice golden color before pulling them out of the oven to cool. You explain to him that the cookies need to rest first before decorating, and he resists the urge to take one cookie as a trial piece. Endeared, you give in and tell him he can get one cookie - as a treat for being such a good helper, you say.

"It's already so good!" he exclaims.

"Heh, I bake a lot with the brothers back at home, so I'm glad you like it!"

"I'm serious! These might be the best cookies ever! I can't wait to decorate!" you swear that if he wasn't restraining himself, he would've been bouncing up and down in excitement. To satiate his energy, you ask him to start preparing the Ruri-Hana CDs in his room, so the watch party can immediately proceed once the cookies are ready. He happily obliges, rushing off upstairs.

Giggling, you take out your D.D.D to pass the time while waiting. Recalling Mephisto's call earlier, you decide to contact him to give an update, as his call from a while ago got cut off. Surpisingly, he answers the moment the call beeps.

"Hello?! Is everything alright there?! Don't worry, I'm by the gates now so-"

"Uh... Mephisto? Are you okay?" he sounds panicked and in a rush, much to your confusion.

"Wh-?! The call earlier, I heard something about a bad guy and needing help?!"

Ah, it immediately clicks for you.

"By any chance, did we get cut off because of bad reception?"

"Well... uh... yeah?"

"Mephisto," you stifle a laugh, but can't help but let it out. The demon on the other side of the line sounds bewildered, urging for clarification. "I think you misheard what your little brother said, and jumped to conclusions."

The line is silent, almost eerily so. You try to stifle another laugh, to no avail.

"Meph, you do realize I'm a capable sorcerer and have seven demons on my beck and call if anything bad were to happen, right?"

"Listen--"

"Please don't tell me you panicked and left your event early."

"Don't rub it in!"

"Well... at least you're in time to help us decorate cookies?"

"Shut up."

You laugh again at the absurdity of the situation as he hangs up, just in time for his younger brother to come trotting down the stairs.

"The CDs are all ready! Can we decorate now?" his pleads, eyes sparkling.

"We can, but I think we have a surprise guest. Why don't we meet him out front?"

"Huh? Who else is coming?"

"You'll see. Come on!"

-

By the time the two of you reach the foyer, the front door is already opening, revealing a disheveled, clearly drained Mephistopheles. You stop yourself from laughing, again, while the younger demon next to you jumps in surprise.

"Big brother! You're back early!" he runs up to him to greet him into a hug, which Mephisto reciprocates, giving him a pat on the head, as well.

"Yes, yes. I was, uh... able to leave early due to some--" he turns his gaze at you, furrowing his brows, flustered. You let out a small huff of air, looking away. "--circumstance. I trust your day was well, my dear brother?"

The younger demon gives a vigorous nod of excitement. "The best! I love my babysitter, big brother! They're the coolest!"

"Really, now?" he raises a brow in interest, urging his brother to continue.

"Yeah, we were just about to decorate cookies for our Ruri-Hana watch party... Oh! You should come help us decorate, big brother!" he doesn't even let the elder respond, already dragging him towards the kitchen. You follow suit, entertained by the two brothers. Mephisto looks behind towards you, casting a questioning glance, and all you do is mouth you'll see.

At the kitchen, Mephisto is given a quick crash course by his little brother about which colors to use, and what to decorate, pulling out the drawings he did from a while ago. Being the doting older brother that he is, he can't say no, and instead tries to follow the instructions he's being given. You transfer the separated icing mixtures into piping bags and show the two brothers the trick to get icing out evenly with even pressure and a steady hand, and despite some mishaps - mostly on Mephisto's part - you finish decorating every cookie, now having a gorgeous Ruri-Hana themed spread. You make sure to take a quick photo to send to Levi later.

"My work here is done then," you proclaim, dusting off bits of flour from your arms. "I'm guessing you'll want me gone now since you came back early...?" you turn to Mephisto, waiting for a quip from him.

"Wha- No...!" his younger sibling is immediately at your side, grabbing ahold of your shirt. "You can't leave yet! We were gonna watch Ruri-Hana!" his voice cracks.

"Big brother, you won't let them leave yet, right...?" he gives Mephisto a pleading look. You glance at him as well, and he catches your gaze. Flustered, he looks away, huffing.

"W-Well... I suppose you already did make plans, so..."

"Did you hear that? You can stay...!" he jumps in excitement, still grabbing onto you. "You can watch with us, big brother! We'll tell you all about the show!"

"And he did help with cookies," you add.

You can tell he initially wanted to decline the offer, but one look at his brother's expectant eyes crumbles him down immediately, sighing in resignation.

"F-Fine. You can leave the cookies here, I'll bring them up after I change."

Giggling, the younger demon proceeds to urge you quickly up to his room, where the watch party is set up. You suggest building a pillow fort while waiting for Mephisto, and if you thought the little demon couldn't get even more excited, you were mistaken. He's immediately onboard the idea, taking all the blankets and sheets off his massive bed. You quickly stop by to what was supposed to be your room to grab additional pillows and blankets, bringing it back to the other room.

The fort is a little rough around the edges and haphazard, but the younger demon doesn't seem to care, smile never seeming to go down. Mephisto enters the room a little while later, tray of cookies in hand, looking more casual than usual.

"I've brought the cooki-- Er, what are you two doing?"

"Big brother, look! We made a pillow fort! We can watch Ruri-Hana even better now!"

"A... fort? I fail to see any sort of resemblance..."

"Just get in here," you urge him, taking the tray off of his hands, setting it at the center. Mephisto's brother has already found his spot near the side, hugging a large Azuki-tan plush close to himself.

"Oh! You can sit next to me! That way, I can tell you all my favorite parts! And big brother can sit next you!" he suggests. You comply, trying not to think much about the seating placement, or if the little devil had ulterior motives. After taking your place, Mephisto is still standing outside the fort, seemingly in conflict with himself, staring at the empty space next to you. You pat the spot with your hand, inviting him in. You hear him groan in contempt, mumbling an "I guess that works" to himself as he sits next to you. You giggle at his resignation, and he casts you a glare, although you could tell it had no bite.

The watch party starts off without a hitch - you and Mephisto's little brother gleefully react at all the exciting scenes, as if you've never seen the show before. Mephisto seemed confused half the time, although it's clear he was entertained enough to stay. You humour him every now and then by explaining some of the finer details, and he's surprisingly very attentive. It's not long before he brings his own commentary on the table on certain scenes, prompting discussions and lighthearted debates between the three of you.

Hours and a whole tray of cookies later, the younger demon next to you has drifted off to sleep, curling himself in, Azuki-tan plush by his side. Mephisto, although initially wanting to transfer him to his bed, eventually gives in to let him continue sleeping as is - it's a pillow fort, nothing's more cofortable! - you assure the usually snarky demon, who sighs in defeat.

"He's a really sweet kid," you tell him, placing a blanket over the young demon, who snuggles in comfortably. "--very much unlike his big brother," you add, teasing him.

"He's nice enough for the both of us," his reply is sarcastic, rolling his eyes in addition as a response. "But yes, he's the best brother I could ask for."

"Hah, just now, you kinda sounded like Lucifer when he gets drunk--"

"Do not compare me to that arrogant, self-absorbed, goat-horned jerk."

"Oh, that's a new one. I'll have to use that sometime," you laugh quietly, careful not to disturb your snoozing fortmate. You notice him trying to stifle his own laugh, more amused than he lets on.

A welcomed silence envelops the room, the lowered volume of a Ruri-Hana episode still playing in the background. You can't help but stare at his screen-illuminated face, engrossed in a fight scene between Ruri-chan and the epsiode's focused monster. It's not long before he catches you staring, however, but instead of a sneering quip, he instead gets flustered and turns his head back at the screen.

"So... uh," he starts, still trying to find what he wants to say, although his eyes are still glued to the screen, albeit unfocused.

"For... today. Thanks."

"If it's for looking after your brother, there's no need to thank me. It was fun."

"No, not only that. In truth, I was worried he wouldn't open up to you, and, well..." he breathes in, finally turning to face you. "I didn't like the idea of you two not getting along, I guess."

"Hey, I already told you, kids love me! ...I think," you say. It's light, but you hear a semblance of a laugh escaping him. "Plus, I got to learn a little bit more about you, too!"

"Hm? Like what?"

"Well... I got to meet your favorite horse - he's really pretty, by the way."

"Ah, so you've met Faust. Yes, he is a stunner, befitting only of someone such as myself," he huffs in pride.

"Speaking of, you should totally teach me how to horseback. Your little brother kinda got me intrigued."

He pauses for a moment, as if in thought. "I suppose that's not an... unfavorable idea. I'll consider it."

You're a little surprised, not expecting him to agree, but at the same time, you realize it was his own way of attempting to get closer to you. Recalling what his little brother said that afternoon, you decide to push your luck a little bit further.

"I uh... also learned that despite how you act, you're always looking out for me," it's your turn to avert your gaze, thankful that the room's dimness was enough to hide the pink tinge on your cheeks.

"Wha-ugh... He told you, didn't he..." the giggle you let out in response is light, almost inaudible with the show's ending song playing in the background.

"I think it's quite endearing," you assure him. "I mean, the brothers already try their best to make sure I'm always safe, so knowing you go out of your way to do so too, regardless... It's a nice feeling. Thanks, Mephisto."

"Y-Yeah..."

Silence envelops the two of you again, this time completely, as the screen in front of you fades to black, signifying the episode's end. Carefully, you shuffle yourself a little closer to him, and you take it as an invitation to go further when all he does is look at you quietly.

Wordlessly, you lean your head against his shoulder, softly breathing in the remnants of his perfume from earlier in the day; a comforting scent compounded with Mephisto's natural one. He stiffens at your action, but almost immediately relaxes himself, his hand finding yours under the sheets. His hand is chilly, you think, the demon obviously nervous, but you urge him to continue by letting out a gentle hum of assurance and giving his hand a quick squeeze.

"Hey, Meph?" you whisper, leaning yourself closer to him.

"Hm?" you can feel his head turn to look down on yours.

"I like you."

"Ah... I--" he's breathless, despite already seeing the confession coming. He's thankful the darkness is hiding his extremely flushed face, but he's unsure if you can hear how loud his heart is beating.

"I like you too."

You giggle lightly, squeezing his hand again, this time, a bit warmer. You feel him squeeze back, as you feel yourself starting to drift off to sleep.

"I know."

You're unaware of it, but as he hears your breathing relax and as your body naturally leans a bit more towards him, he's smiling at your form softly, planting a kiss on the crown of your head.

"Sleep tight."

-

Devilgram, the next morning

@ minimephisto : [img attached of you and mephisto sleeping, your head leaning against his chest, his head rested atop yours] my big brother and my favorite babysitter are so cute together! ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)♡

see all replies (20)

mammoney : hey! what the hell! get that bastard away from my human!

lucifer : language, mammon. mephistopheles, i will deal with you myself.

asmobaby : awwww! look at those lovebirds ♡

stn : you're not helping, asmo

-

thank you for reading! my asks are also open if anyone would like to request something. ofc, there's no guarantee that i'll do it (haha) but i'd love to hear suggestions :>

[andromeda-nova-writing]

Qualifications of Critique

Fem!Reader Words: 1130

AN: This is very much a test to see if I can write him in character. Also, my first time posting a fic for HSR

Dr. Ratio flipped the page of the chemistry book he had begun to study enjoying the peace and quiet of the university library. A welcome change of pace after spending most of the day grading papers that hadn’t met his standards. There were a handful of students he had hoped to step to the plate but only a few of that group continued to show promise—a pity.

The library had been mostly quiet only gaining more silence as students left for the day. Something he would have done himself if not for the horribly late faculty meeting that had been scheduled in a few more hours.

There was the quiet tapping of heels against the carpet floor getting ever louder. It was an easy sound to ignore but should have served more as a warning with the voice that spoke from behind him. “If it isn’t the worst teacher to ever grace the cosmos.”

He closed the book, turning his head around to see one of the professors who worked there alongside him. She stood there with a bag around her shoulder and her arms crossed. “Excuse me?” He asked, already annoyed that his break had been interrupted.

“I’m being asked, actually that’s the wrong word. I’m being told to move my classroom to make room for a new study hall dedicated to trying to improve the rate of three percent of your students passing.” She complained.

”Don’t take this up with me. It’s not my fault your class was being moved.” He stood up. It would be best to go back to his office and lock the door if he wanted any ounce of peace.

”It is. This study hall wouldn’t have been created if you were better at your job.” She glared up at him, tapping her shoe attempting to calm herself down at the information she had recently been told.

”Have you considered that these students should have to work at grasping the material? It isn’t my fault that they are too foolish to understand simple concepts.” His book had been abandoned on the table.

”Of course, it’s simple to you. You already know it!” Y/N rolled her eyes at his reasoning. “How can you be so smart but still not even understand that being a good teacher means your students should be passing your class?” Any students still lingering around in the library were rushing to pack their things with hushed gossip over the argument that was unfolding.

Arguments between the two of them were slowly becoming famous across campus. Students and professors wondered when the tension between them would finally break. As entertaining as they could be to watch, no one wanted to risk being caught in the crossfire and being forced to take a side.

”I am passing those who put in the work. That’s what should be done.”

”I’m not saying to just pass everyone. Yes, pass those who put in the work. But you also should be putting the work in to make sure they have a chance at understanding the work that is being asked of them.” She explained. It wasn’t like that should be a hard thing to comprehend.

”I put the effort in.”

The bag on her shoulder fell to the floor as she uncrossed her arms. “You do not. You talk a big game of ridding the world of ignorance but can't even take the time to learn how to be a better teacher to do just that!” Her bag had been left on the floor as she took steps forward, shortening the distance between the two of them. “It's such a joke that you consider yourself so smart but are too stupid to see that.”

The distance between them was almost closed as they stood near each other. She had been the only person in this university to challenge his intelligence. Other professors had been quick to praise him but she focused on pointing out his faults to say where he could improve. It was infuriating but a welcomed difference to see someone who could clearly think for themselves.

“I don't see how insulting me adds to your critique of my teaching abilities. I'm not even sure if this qualifies as a critique.”

“Have you ever done a critique yourself? It involves saying what should be improved and then offering advice to guide that person in the right direction, sometimes showing them step-by-step what to do. It makes the base for anyone even interested in teaching. I’m surprised that critique is even in your vocabulary.” 

His eyes didn’t mean to wander down at her lips. Glossed to absolute perfection as she spoke a mix of insults and advice. “Do you ever shut up?” He asked, missing the peace and quiet that the library was known for before she had stepped in.

“Occasionally when those I am conversing with have value to add. If you would take the time to reflect on what I have been saying we wouldn’t have to keep having this conversation. Do you understand how your actions have an effect on me?”

“I wasn’t aware that you would let others have any sort of effect on you.”

“It’s when I’m able to move on with my life. You just keep causing me roadblocks. First, my program loses funding that gets diverted to yours because you have a big name. Now I lose my classroom for a study hall for students struggling with your class. What are you going to change in my life next? I would at least appreciate some sort of warning.”

“If that is what you would consider life changing then I believe we are both using separate definitions.”

She rolled her eyes before speaking in a sarcastic tone. “Oh won't the great Veritas Ratio enlighten me then.”

Maybe it was the way that she knew how to stand her ground against him. Or maybe it was that she saw the humanity within him to acknowledge his flaws instead of defaulting to praise like others had. Could it have been that when she came to complain about his teaching she treated the argument more like a debate something that could be seen past the insults? 

He placed his hand underneath her chin holding her gaze on him. Y/N let out a small gasp. “Veritas…” The boldness in her voice had dropped into almost a whisper. “I meant a definition, not this.”

“Everything you said has made it sound like you pride yourself on a proper example.”

“So you do know how to listen. You’re just horrible at application.” She leaned her head to the side, her boldness only dropping momentarily as it returned to her voice. “We should revisit what a life-changing moment is once your class has upped the passage rate.”

[merryslilhobbit]

There are so many things about the Daniel Ricciardo situation that frustrate and anger me, so I'm getting them off my chest before I lose the plot. I'm sure other people have said the same things, but here we go.

Horner made a whole big show of picking Daniel up after the McLaren debacle, bringing him back into "the family". Made himself out to be some sort of saviour. Rebuilding Daniel's confidence, his physical and mental health. Got a dig in at Zak in a press conference about "feeding Daniel up" because he was skinny. Invited DTS to see his return at Silverstone 2023. So to kick Daniel to the curb just a few races before the end of the season? Because they have "a lot of data on Daniel" and need to see other options for the future? Hypocritical c*nt.

Next, replacing him with someone they're not confident enough in to give a contract to straight away? Yes, Liam did a good job in Daniel's absence last year. This is absolutely not me shitting on Liam - I like him, and I think he and Yuki will be good teammates. But he's been out of full time racing for a while. Allegedly RB weren't overly excited about his testing times in the summer. While it will be interesting to see how he compares to Yuki, why are RB hanging onto Liam when they don't seem confident enough to give him a full time seat? Why are they so determined to keep pushing this one? (Yes I know the answer is probably contracts, but still.)

Then there's the fact that Daniel has actually outperformed Yuki in 6 of the last 9 races (since the start of the European leg). In the same period, they've scored the same number of points. Daniel has also been more consistent in his finishing position than Yuki. In terms of form, Singapore excluded (but I think we can forgive him that one, given the media shitstorm), he's been the better of the two and isn't it meant to be that the first person you need to beat is your teammate? There's only so much you can achieve in a tractor.

And we can't forget the Checo situation. Following the first six races he's bombed in comparison to Max. He's probably cost Red Bull the Constructors'. He was given a few races to improve, didn't and then was kept anyway (probably because of money and the Mexican GP). He often qualifies further behind (in time) Max than Daniel does Yuki. I know Red Bull are coming out now and saying they found a problem with their design from Barcelona last year, when Checo first started reporting issues but frankly I'm calling bullshit on that. As mentioned, Checo had six very good races and results at the start of 2024. And some decent ones at the end of 2023. At one point there was speculation that Daniel might even replace Checo mid-season (some reports say it was a done deal), so in the space of a few weeks to go from that to being dropped himself? I have whiplash.

And I think that's the hardest part. A lot of people were probably aware that it could be difficult for Daniel to get a seat for next year. But at no point was there any suggestion that he might get replaced mid-season. Not even in the middle, six races before the end. When Red Bull confirmed in the summer break that both Checo and Daniel would see out the seasons in their current seats.

Red Bull have created an absolute PR disaster and they deserve it. Driver of the Day, amongst many other things in the last 48 hours, reflects the love and respect so many people have for Daniel. People who see how emotional he was, who see that he didn't have an opportunity to say goodbye properly (fuck, even McLaren did that - remember the Monza 2021 photo on his steering wheel?). People who recognise that dumping him so close to the end of the season is ridiculous.

In the end, I hope that Daniel really is at peace with it all and is in better shape than he left McLaren; that he can be proud of all of his achievements in the sport. Drivers come and go, but very few make their mark in the way Daniel has done. He may not have broken records or won championships, but the fact that he will still be remembered for a very long time despite those things is a testament to his character, to the sort of person we all know and love.

[ericsprincess]

i can't stop for you and me

nc-17, Sung Hanbin/Reader, office au, lawyer!reader, also bully!reader (kinda), doormat!Hanbin, cunnilingus

~~~

A/N: Reparations ;) This is a gift for a friend. I'm not a ZB1 fan and I don't know them well, so I hope it’s at least a little bit of a fitting scenario for Hanbin.

~~~

Fucking CUTE. You think while spinning your pen between your fingers. You’re sitting behind your big wooden desk, peeking over the dossier that you’ve been pretending to read for the past 15 minutes, your eyes scanning through the office in front of you, until they find your favorite target - your new pretty assistant, Hanbin. 

To be honest, he’s not even doing anything particularly cute, he’s quite literally just doing his job, staring into a computer screen and typing occasionally. He’s that pretty and adorable just by existing, with his delicate porcelain doll face and black hair.

I should have hired that old lady, you lament, but you know it’s bullshit. You knew you’re gonna give him a job offer the moment he walked into the meeting room for his interview, all fresh from school and excited to start his career. He looked so proper and polite, thoughtfully answering every question, even daring to blush and sweat under your scrutiny. You took one brief look at his CV to check if he’s qualified enough, and he was. There might have been better, more experienced candidates, but you decided to do this thing for you, just this once. Treat yourself. 

And now it’s coming back at you in full force. 

This is not good. This is a problem. His presence makes you feel things and all of them are inappropriate at the very least. 

It’s not helping that he would obviously bend over backwards to make you happy. You don’t even need to finish the question and he’s already eagerly rushing to complete whatever unnecessary task you made up this time. No request is dumb enough for him to object, and you actually tried. He would just happily go about his way to fulfill it. You could send him to sort cases by alphabetical order backwards and he would just ask when it’s supposed to be done. Sometimes you like to ruffle his feathers a little more by giving him work that he’s clearly not ready for, like that one time where you made him give a presentation to your client instead of yourself. You actually thought he’s going to faint, but somehow he powered through it just by sheer determination, earning an approving smile and nod from you, going all red in reply. 

Not to say that thanks to his good looks he solved your perpetual problem of missing partner at every work function and dumb dinner party with clients. Now you get to drag your handsome assistant along as your plus one to every event, where you can not only parade him around, but also enjoy him fussing over your comfort, bringing you drinks, holding your coat or bag and even driving you home. You can see the jealousy in others and it makes you secretly happy. 

You wouldn’t be able to do that, if you hired that old lady. 

And even today, despite being already long past his shift, he still decided to stay working late, just because you did. The office is already empty and dark, the only sole source of light shining on his face is his computer screen in his cubicle and the light coming out of your glass walled office. 

He rubs his eyes. 

You slap the dossier down on your desk.

“Hanbin-sshi, can you please come here for a second?” you call out. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he immediately replies and gets up. He’s sluggish and obviously tired and you almost feel bad for him. Almost. 

“Can I help you with anything?” he asks. 

“Yes. I would like you to run to the Starbucks, I want some coffee. I’d like a venti pumpkin spice latte-” you pause, seeing as he’s struggling to fish out his phone to take notes. “with four shots of espresso, almond milk, light caramel drizzle, light foam, one pump of pumpkin sauce, one pump of maple pecan sauce and salt topping. Thank you.” you smirk at him as he’s dutifully tapping everything down. 

“No problem, I’ll be right back, ma’am,” he bows a little and rushes out of the door. 

Your stomach rumbles. Actually. 

“Actually!” you call out, but he doesn’t reply. You jump out from behind your table in hope of maybe being able to catch him, but when you run out of the office you can see he’s already left.

Oh well. Maybe I’ll just send him for the second time, when he gets back. 

You turn back to return to your office, when his computer pings with a message. 

Huh? He didn’t lock his computer? 

You take a look, and really - he didn’t. He must have forgotten or just didn’t care, since no one else is left at the office at this time.

Moreover, the message is not from your designated work chat app, but from a personal one. You lean forwards to take a look at the unread notification. 

matt says: so how’s the late hours with the sexy boss going? dude you’re a masochist. 

You blink. Without any hesitation you click on the chat and scroll through the last messages. 

hb says: fuck it's getting really hard to hide my boners from her

>every time she orders me around i can barely think

>i just go home and jerk off everyday thinking about her bossing me around

>if she ever finds out im screwed

>i literally stayed working late, just in case she wants something

>she could ask me to eat her pussy under her desk and i would just crawl under 

>matt i’m so fucked

Your reflection on the computer screen twists into a wide grin. Oh. What a beautiful bunch of revelations. 

You had a hunch that he must like taking orders and feeling accomplished by completing tasks, but you didn’t know it’s sexual for him. Much less, that it’s because of you, in particular. But hey, at least it validates your own interests in this little game. 

You do your best to curb your giddiness and return back behind your desk. Hanbin appears a few minutes later, with your coffee in hand and a little bag in another. 

“Here, ma’am. I also took the liberty to bring you some snack, since it’s really late and you must be hungry.” he hands you both. 

You open the little back and pull out a blueberry muffin. “Thank you, Hanbin-sshi,” you take a bite. “It’s like you’re reading my mind. I hope I’m not putting you through too much trouble.” 

“Oh, no, really, it’s not a problem,” he’s quick to assure you, shaking his head. 

“Hanbin-sshi, it’s such a joy to have you. You’re always so eager and helpful, I could not pick a better assistant,” you smile kindly at him. 

“T-thanks, ma’am, this really means a lot to me.” he stutters, cheeks already burning red. 

“Sometimes it feels like I could ask you to eat my pussy under my desk, and you would just crawl right under, wouldn’t you?” you ask with a smirk.

He freezes. Gotcha.

“I-..”

“You?”

“I- I actually, I would,” he admits. He looks nervous, like he's sure he’s busted, outed as a pervert and will be fired immediately. It looks good on him.

“Okay,” you nod and push yourself off your desk on your chair. You gesture at the space. “Be my guest.”

He looks at you disbelievingly, as if he’s not sure if you’re serious or if it’s just some kind of a prank. But eventually, he seems to make up his mind. 

He slowly falls on his knees. He looks at you, as if to check whether it is really something you want, and when he sees you’re not putting a stop to it, he slowly crawls on his all fours under your big desk. 

You roll your chair back to its place. You look down, where two big eyes are staring right back at you. 

“I hope it were not just empty words, Hanbin-sshi. I’m sure you don’t want to disappoint me,” you warn him. 

“No, of course not, ma’am,” he hurries to assure you and visibly gathers all the courage to actually touch you. He runs his hands over your legs and leans forwards. 

He starts kissing your thighs, while bunching your skirt up, even daring to suck and lick a little at your skin. He slowly gets to your pussy and he doesn’t hesitate to lick over your panties, already wet ever since you discovered his true feelings. It’s like he’s trying to get as much of your taste as he can through them, licking until they are completely drenched with both your juices and his saliva. He’s kneeling in front of you, holding you around your hips, his whole face buried in your crotch, like he doesn't care if he can even breathe. 

It feels good and you’re getting more and more aroused, but you can’t wait for a more direct stimulation. You grab him by his hair and pull him off you by force. You quickly lift yourself up to pull down your panties, and he frantically helps, even tries to dive back in, but your hold won’t let him. 

You look into his eyes and wait a second until he calms down a bit, while he whimpers. He’s all red and clearly aroused and he looks so pretty, you’re sure you will never forget this sight of his delicate face, eager to pleasure you. 

“Now you can,” you say and let go of his hair. He doesn’t hesitate a moment and quickly leans forwards to get back your pussy. 

It feels like his tongue is everywhere. He’s licking all over your pussy and trying to push his tongue in. You have half a mind to tell him to use his fingers, but his tongue already feels so good, you want to see if he will manage to make you cum only like that. 

And it seems he will, since when he moves to your clit, it’s basically game over for you. 

He’s clearly bringing out his A-game, rubbing all over your clit with flat tongue in cruel tempo, building up your pleasure, until he can tell you’re getting close, then switching to quicker flicks, his mouth sealed around your pussy as if he was making out with it. 

You’re getting close and you know he can tell, just by the sounds you’re making. You’re so wet it must be dripping off his face. He’s tireless, his tongue never stopping, he’s even moaning a little, as if it was him being pleasured.

You grab him by his hair and push him even closer and then you’re cumming, smothering him with your pussy and juices and not letting him breathe at all, not until you’re finished. He’s not fighting it, letting you ride his face as much as you need, slowly coming down from your orgasm. 

You let him go, and he takes a deep breath. He looks up at you.

You roll your chair back a little. You take a moment to enjoy the look at him all out of his mind, kneeling under your desk, red, sweaty and disheveled. He’s breathing heavily, aroused and undeniably close to orgasm, without even touching himself.  

“Are you hard, Hanbin-sshi?” you ask. 

It’s a stupid question, his cock is obviously tenting his pants, even leaving a dark wet spot on them. But he nods regardless, eyes glazed over, face still wet. His black hair is sticking to his face a little.

“If you manage to drive us to my apartment without either crashing or cumming, I’ll suck you off. What do you think about that?”

You can see his breath hitching. He doesn’t even need to answer. 

“Go get your coat.”

[lightsoutletsgo]

P L A Y L I S T (cl16 x singer!reader series) vol.4 - monaco

warnings: none

word count: 2.6k

hi everyone! here's the next part! they finally meet in person! I'm really vibing with writing this rn so I have a couple of chapters already drafted so I'm hoping to upload the next few pretty regularly! happy reading love, mimi taglist currently: open! @whatsupstark

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Monaco

Y/N didn’t know much about F1. But as she wandered through the ‘paddock’, as Charles had called it, she found herself being swept up in the hype and excitement. Celebrities mingled amongst team investors and sponsors and mechanics. Already she’d seen a few friends and acquaintances. Y/N stopped suddenly at a call of her name, turning round she saw Charles and a man who she was pretty sure was called Carlos. He was dressed the same as Charles so that seemed like a good indicator. “Y/N!” She couldn’t help the grin that overtook her features and she felt Carlos stare at her knowingly from opposite her. “Charles, hi!” Her answer was breathy as he got closer, stopping just in front of her. Neither of them spoke for a second but both of them could have sworn it was longer than that. ‘God his pictures didn’t do him justice’ she thought as, ‘she’s even prettier up close’, ran through Charles’ mind, 

“So are you going to introduce us or…?” Carlos chimed in from next to his friend. Charles cleared his throat as Y/N took a step back,  “Uh yes! Carlos this is Y/N.” Y/N smiled at Carlos warmly as he extended a hand for her to shake,  “It’s lovely to meet you.” His accent was warm and his face was very handsome. Y/N mused to herself if good looks were also a necessary qualifying trait for F1 too. 

“Your concert in Rome was incredible!” Y/N was dragged back to the current conversation by Carlos’ compliments, “Thank you so much! We loved every second of it.” “I know Lily will be so excited to know you’re here today. This way, I’ll introduce you to everyone.” Carlos continued as he held his hand out to guide Y/N towards a larger group of people and Charles had to bite back a frown. She was his guest today, he had invited her here so he could get to know her and maybe spend a little time with her. Why did he need to share her with everyone else too? “Are you not coming with us Charles?” Y/N’s sweet voice and concerned look made his tummy flip and he nodded dumbly at her before trudging along behind the pair, ‘there’ll be other opportunities’ he told himself firmly. 

“Guys, this is Y/N.” Greetings were exchanged and fangirling was done (though Lando refused to admit he had squealed when Y/N shook his hand) and before Charles knew it, he was being called to the garage to prepare for the start of the race. “I’m sure Lily will be more than happy to let you hang around with her!” Charles nodded towards Lily who was almost vibrating where she stood. Your face fell ever so slightly, “Oh… Yes of course, thank you.” “Is that okay? I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.” “No no it’s okay! I uhhh…” She trailed off, “I guess I’d just hoped that I’d be able to watch it from the Ferrari garage?” Charles felt himself turning as red as his Ferrari team uniform at her confession and he nodded, his tongue feeling heavy, “That’s more than okay, yeah that’s cool... dude,” He gave her a thumbs up and immediately facepalmed mentally. He cringed as he heard Lando snort from behind him and saw Max cover his mouth to hide a laugh out of the corner of his eye. “I-I’ll walk you there.” Charles strolled with her through the paddock, doing his best to pretend that Carlos was not tagging along behind them. She asked him questions as they walked; how long was the race? Was he nervous about today? Did he think it was going to rain? How fast would he be going? Charles answered each one with careful thought and consideration and he felt his heart swell a little at the way she took such genuine interest in him and his job.

“Well, here we are!” Charles led her into the Ferrari garage, greeting each team member he passed and wishing them good luck for the race. Y/N smiled at the interactions, clearly Charles was a kind person. Something fluttered in her tummy as she saw his dimples appear again and again. He handed her a pair of headphones and helped her find a place in front of several large screens. “Have a good race!” She said enthusiastically before cringing internally, “sorry I don’t know what you usually say before a race… I'm guessing I shouldn't really tell you to break a leg…” Charles’ head tipped back as a full laugh came from deep in his tummy. God she was adorable, “Just good luck is enough!” As he turned to leave for the grid, he suddenly stopped at the feeling of her hand gently taking his wrist. “Charles!” His eyes flitted down to look for a second before he looked up at her, she hesitated for a second and he watched as a look of realisation flashed across her eyes before she was dropping his wrist and stuttering out her next words, “I-I just wanted to say… umm…” He took a step towards her, “Yes?” “Drive safely? Please?” A soft smile spread across his face and those damn butterflies were taking flight in her tummy once more. “Always.” He gave her hand a squeeze for reassurance before he was swallowed up by the bustling garage and out of sight. 

Y/N’s lack of F1 knowledge was showing as she did her best to follow along with the race. Part of her wondered if she should have gone with Lily after all. It may have been easier to follow along with her experienced commentary, but Y/N was glad she’d chosen to support Charles a bit more closely. After all, she was his guest. As she watched the cars lap the track again and again she thought back to their conversations. How he’d, albeit quite awkwardly, flirted with her. He’d made her smile that was for sure. Even through the exhaustion of the tour, she’d found herself staying awake a little later just to reply to him. So naturally when he’d invited her to be his guest at Monaco this weekend, how could she say no? 

She watched the screen intently, eyes searching for a red car with each new camera angle. Once or twice she sensed the TV cameras on her, ready to catch her reactions and so she did her best to appear smiley and calm, despite feeling nervous at her surroundings but also nervous for Charles. 

78 laps later and the race was finished. Y/N didn’t know much about F1 but she knew that 6th wasn’t a bad place to be… it just wasn’t the result Charles wanted. She felt bad for him, having sensed through their conversations that week that he added extra pressure onto himself when he raced at Monaco. She understood, she alwasy felt more pressure when performing at home too. Nevertheless she was waiting there for him with a smile when he reached the garage. “Congratulations!” Charles gave a small smile but she could tell he wasn’t feeling as good as he had before the race. “Thank you.” “Well you didn’t crash so I’d say you did a good job! I doubt I could even manage the simplest corner!” Another smile pulled at his lips this time, more genuine. She could tell even after a short while of talking to him when his smiles were genuine or not. His dimples were always deeper and his eyes a lot brighter. “So what happens now?” Charles inhaled before letting out a heavy sigh, “I have a few interviews and then debrief before we pack up and do it all again somewhere new next week!” She giggled, “Sounds just like tour!” Y/N joked before Charles bit his lip, suddenly turning nervous “Hey uhhh, I have to go and do these interviews but if you want, we could… maybe go and get dinner later? I can take you to Lily so you don’t have to hang out alone!” Y/N was silent, Charles felt himself growing embarrassed, “But if you’re busy it’s fine I totally get it and-” “No no! I would like that…” Y/N nodded as she bit her lip shyly, her head dropping to look at her feet as Charles nervously brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck. 

Acorss from them at the entrance of the garage, Lando and Max stood in conversation with Carlos, all three of them watching the pair intently, “I bet you 50 they’re together by the time we get to Silverstone.” Max nodded completely convinced he was right, “Silverstone? Nahh mate, more like Canada…” Lando said assuredly, “You’re both wrong!” Carlos shook his head, crossing his arms as he leant against the wall, “End of the season.” He said confidently. “End of the season?” Lando raised an eyebrow as Max scoffed, “They’re both two blind idiots with feelings.” Carlos justified, “You have a point…” Max conceded. 

Y/N shifted uncomfortably as she felt someone’s eyes on her, looking around she spotted Carlos, Lando and Max and she felt her cheeks get warm as she realised they’d been staring at her and Charles. Charles followed her gaze and rolled his eyes, “Just ignore them, I think they’re still a little starstruck. Shall we go? I’ll drop you off at Williams on my way.” The pair made their way out of the garage and down the pitlane to the Williams garage. Lily smiled warmly at Y/N as she made her way through the circus of mechanics and engineers and higher ups, “I’ll look after her, don’t worry” Lily sent her a wink which made her giggle, feeling less nervous about not having Charles around. She turned and he smiled at her reassuringly, “I’ll be back in a little bit - I’ll come and find you outside hospitality!” Y/N nodded before turning back to Lily who still seemed a little dazed that she was standing next to her. “I’m so glad you managed to come to the concert!” Lily smiled widely, “It was incredible! I think a few of us are going to go to a few more concerts before the season is over!” Y/N laughed as Lily led her out of the garage and towards hospitality, “You know, I was pretty surprised that Charles decided to join us.” “Oh really?” Y/N said taking a seat with her at one of the tables outside, “Yeah, he’s probably admitted this himself but he had no idea who you were when you guys first met…” Y/N giggled as Lily shook her head good-naturedly, “it’s crazy how you guys bumped into each other like that twice!” “I know!” Y/N’s eyes widened “Did you talk about it with him at all?” Lily asked curiously before Y/N nodded, 

“We did actually! He apologised for not recognising me and assured me he wasn’t trying to kidnap me!” She said with a fond smile, “And I apologised that I’d scared him so much - twice!” The two girls collapsed into fits of giggles before Y’N’s voice dropped to a whisper, “Can I ask you something?” Lily nodded, “Is it true he kept googling all the lyrics through the concert?” Lily let out a loud laugh as Alex and Logan approached the table, “What’s so funny?” Alex asked, taking a seat, “Y/N was just asking me about Charles googling the lyrics at the concert, “How did you hear about that?” asked Logan, “Oh I see everything on twitter,” Y/N said with a smirk, “my fans keep me very well informed!” Lily gasped, “Does that mean you’ve seen the videos of me crying and dancing along?” Alex snorted as Logan coughed to cover up a laugh, both of them remembering how the sight had looked in-person right in front of their eyes. Y/N nodded, her face turning solemn as she placed a hand on Lily’s shoulder seriously, “I’m so sorry Lily but… I don’t think we have a space for you as a backup dancer on this tour.” Lily played along, looking down and clasping her hands together as her eyebrows furrowed, “It’s a brutal industry…” The table fell into laughter before Y/N saw Charles approaching.

“What are we all laughing about, hmm?” Charles was curious as he reached the table, “Oh we were just discussing the outcome of Lily’s audition.” You nodded, face becoming serious once again, “It wasn’t the outcome she wanted…” “I just can’t believe my dancing wasn’t good enough.” “Dancing? Is that what you’d call it?” Alex gave Lily a playful nudge as she gasped dramatically, “Y/N you see how mean he’s being?!” Charles gently placed a hand on her shoulder before leaning down to stage whisper dramatically, “We should leave before this gets nasty!” With a stifled giggle, YN stood up from her chair, making sure to give Lily a hug and exchange her number before following Charles away from the business of the paddock and down a small quiet side street.  

“Where are we going?” Y/N asked, looking around as she took in her surroundings, “There’s a great spot I know a little out of town. It’s kind of a hole-in-the-wall place but they make some of the best pasta I’ve ever had.” 

“Pasta? Sign me up!” Y/N gave an enthusiastic reply as Charles unlocked his car, taking her bag from her shoulder and holding it as he opened her door for her. She slid into the passenger seat and took her bag back, placing it on her lap as he closed the door and jogged round to the driver's seat. As he turned on the engine and the car roared into life, the sound system came on automatically. A familiar voice drifted out through the speakers and a rhythm that her body knew by heart filled the car. “I-is this my song?” Charles found his cheeks matching the colour of his team brand once more as he scrabbled to mute the volume but just turned it up louder in the process Y/N clapped a hand over her mouth, looking at him, as she began giggling harder than she had all day. “I was just… it was… research?” Charles scrambled for an excuse as Y/N continued giggling, hand falling away from her mouth as her head tipped back in laughter. And as they sat there in his car, her song still quietly playing in the background, Charles realised he didn’t mind embarrassing himself and would happily make a fool of himself over and over again if it meant he got to see her laughing like that once more.  “No no no, don’t be embarrassed.” Y/N sighed, her stomach sore from laughter, “I think it’s cute you were researching.” Charles’ cheeks heated up again, ‘she called me cute?’ he screamed at himself in his head. “Okay, honestly? I haven’t been able to get that song out of my head since I heard it at the concert, it’s really catchy!” Y/N nodded, “It gets stuck in my head too sometimes - and it’s my song!” “It’s definitely one of my favourites.” Charles admitted and Y/N found herself having to look out of the window to hide how big her smile was. Charles cleared his throat, “So! Shall we go?” He began to drive, fighting to contain his excitement that you were in the passenger seat, “Don’t go driving as fast as you did earlier!” Y/N joked, Charles smiled, eyes darting to look at her for a second before fixing his gaze back on the road once more, “Never. Not when I have such precious cargo in the passenger seat.” Y/N bit her lip and looked out of the window once more, but Charles could tell she was smiling to herself, he caught it in her reflection in the window.

It suddenly dawned on him as they drove that he didn’t feel as down as he expected to after the race. In fact, he rather felt like he’d won.

₊˚❀.ೃ࿔*:･

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[deadpresidents]

Did you watch the pbs documentary on the vice presidents yet and what did you think? And what vp that never became president do you think would have been best qualified to be president?

Yes, I was very much looking forward to PBS American Experience's "The American Vice President," and watched it as soon as it was released. I'm basically the target audience for documentaries like that, so I always appreciate and enjoy them. I will say that I thought that there were a lot of missed opportunities in it, however. I was really hoping that there would be some short biographical pieces on the various Vice Presidents, particularly many of the earlier VPs that nobody knows anything about. There are some really fascinating stories that could have been told about them, so I was a little bummed we didn't get that.

For the most part, the episode focused on the idea of the Vice Presidency as opposed to individual Vice Presidents. And it spent a lot of time on succession and the 25th Amendment. Now, that is no surprise -- that's basically the reason the Vice President exists in the first place. But at times it felt more like a documentary on continuity of government than the Vice Presidency, and I just wish there would have been more time spent on the personalities who have served in the position over the past 235 years.

As for the second part of your question, I'm going to do what the documentary largely did and answer based on the Vice Presidents since World War II. Once the nuclear age was upon us, the Vice Presidency became a more important role for those continuity of government reasons, and the quality and experience of most Vice Presidential candidates has improved during that time because it was more necessary to choose a running mate who was capable of actually taking over as President than balancing the ticket regionally or ideologically.

Since World War II, I think the Vice President who was best equipped to become President but never did was obviously Al Gore. I have always been shocked that Gore never made another run for the White House after 2000, but I also imagine that it must be an absolutely soul-crushing experience to run for President, seemingly win (and definitely win the popular vote), only to have the Presidency awarded to your opponent by a party-line decision of the United States Supreme Court.

Another post-World War II VP who never became President in his own right but probably would have been good in the job was Nelson Rockefeller. Because of the circumstances and brevity of his time as Vice President, Rockefeller is often forgotten about, but he was considered a real contender for the Presidency on numerous occasions before he was appointed to fill the Vice Presidential vacancy created when Gerald Ford succeeded Richard Nixon in the White House after Nixon resigned. Rockefeller won four elections as Governor of New York, all by comfortable margins, and he never achieved his Presidential goal because the timing was just never right for him. His best bet as a Presidential candidate should have been 1964 or 1968, but after JFK's assassination, few Republicans wanted to run against LBJ less than a year later (and with good reason, LBJ's popular vote landslide was huge). And by the time the 1968 election rolled around it became clear that Richard Nixon had spent his years in political exile following his humiliating loss in the 1962 California Gubernatorial race building a powerful campaign machine that helped sweep him into office. But when it comes to experience, few VPs were better qualified than Vice President Rockefeller.

If you haven't seen "The American Vice President" from PBS's American Experience, I would definitely recommend checking it out. You can watch it (and many of American Experience's other excellent documentaries) on the PBS website. It's also currently available to watch for free via the PBS feed on YouTube.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Zeb Wells was never, ever QUALIFIED to write for Spider-Man. As in, if I was hiriing for the job of Spider-Man writer, he'd never have even made it to the interview stage.

See, I'm an old geezer Spider-Man fan. I was there back in the early-mid 2000s when Wells first came onto the Spider-Man scene. That was when he was younger, fresher, more full of energy and less cynical. And even then his stories were mediocre at best, mercifully confined merely to fill-in issues here and there.

Fill-in issues that weren't even on ASM but on the side-books like Peter Parker: Spider-Man and dubiously canonical anthologies like Spider-Man's Tangled Web. Beyond that, he did occassional mini-series and one shots.

His ONE legitimately good story was the origin of J. Jonah Jameson, a single issue in which Spider-Man himself barely ever appeared. That was around 2004(ish). Zeb Wells unironically peaked on Spider-Man 20 years ago and it wasn't even a particularly high peak either. It was more like a small hillock.

Sure, he finally got to write ASM between 2008-2010 during Brand New Day, but like...who DIDN'T get to write ASM back then? It was coming out 3 times a month with a rotating creative team, amongst which Wells was never touted as one of the superstar writers. Love or hate them, Dan Slott, Mark Waid, Joe Kelly, Bob Gale, and even an out of retirement Roger Stern were who the Marvel promotional machine hyped up. Again, love or hate them, back in 2008-2010 these were BIG names to suddenly be working on Spider-Man. In other words, when Wells finally got 'promoted' he was essentially a mere fill-in writer AGAIN.

That being said, he did get one really big chance to bat when he was tasked with doing the biggest Lizard story of all time, 'Shed'. Reinventing a classic Lee/Ditko villain. Leading directly into Grim Hunt, the storyline that was the culmination of much of what BND had been building towards? Writing a story that was going to be one of the last in the BND era in fact? This was Zeb Wells' shot to make a name for himself in the annals of Spider-Man History.

And he succeeded! By which I mean 'Shed' was debated as potentially one of the all time WORST Spider-Man stories ever, and unquestionably the worst Lizard story there had ever been.

Shed was to Curt Connors what One More Day was to Peter Parker. A nonsensical plot geared towards a complete and utter character assassination. We are talking about a story with cannibalism, fratricide, potential sexual assault, vomit inducing art and egregious continuity fuck ups to the point where even the very first Lizard story directly contradicts it. This story was SO bad that even a manchild crybully troll like Dan Slott tried to walk it back, doing no less than 2 stories across 5(ish) years in which he cleaned up some of the mess Wells had left. Further repairs were applied during Nick Spencer's run, in particular during 'Hunted'. Yes, 'Shed' was so godforsakenly terrible it took multiple stories across almost 10 years to fix it.

THIS was the guy Marvel picked to be the 'main writer' during the Ben Reilly Beyond era, aka Brand New Day 2. His 'promotion' was to be brought out of Spider-Man writer's jail (where he belonged) so he could once more be the rotating writer in a tri-monthly set up. Except now he was to BND2 what I guess Dan Slott had been to BND1.

The difference being that BND1 had more writers and many/most of them had WAY more status to their names than any of the BND2 writers. Like, it is ridiculous to suggest Kelly Thompson or Saladin Ahmed in 2021 were anywhere near the Big Name status Mark Waid or Joe Kelly enjoyed in 2008. Even Slott back then, who hadn't yet become AS big as he would later (undeservedly) be, was still someone most of the fanbase had WANTED to write for Spider-Man for a good long while before then.* Wells was now simply swimming in a much smaller pond, his seniority being the microscopic edge he had over Thompson and Ahmed.

And yet, Chip Zdarsky when he took over Spectacular Spider-Man had way less experience than Wells had with the character. Nick Spencer too, he'd mostly just written a great mini-series in Superior Foes of Spider-Man. And of course, Roberto Aguirre Sacasa had never written Spider-Man when he was hired in 2006. Neither had Paul Jenkins in 2000. Neither had JMS in 2001. Love it or hate it, Marvel are not opposed to hiring new blood, untested blood even, for ASM or other monthly Spider-Man titles.

So, you have to wonder, why DIDN'T the younger guns Kelly Thompson , Saladin Ahmed or any other fresh blood take over after the Beyond era? Why CHOOSE Wells when he's been hanging around the block for about 20 years?

Incompetence? Yes...but also because it is patently obvious that NO ONE ELSE WANTED THIS JOB!

Wells was not hired because of his talent. He was hired because Marvel were DESPERATE. As they say, any port in a storm, right?

Because of their dogmatic enforcement of the post-One More Day state of affairs, because of how they treated Nick Spencer as a result of that, because of their general incompetence in running their entire company for the past 15+ years, Marvel have burned their bridges with too many creators. The anti-OMD writers don't want the job because they naturally want to undo OMD. The pro-OMD/neutral writers don't want the job because the fanbase naturally will yell at them for enforcing the post-OMD status quo. And neither want the job because the blatant interference Nick Spencer endured is gross and not worth the hassle, not when substack, indie and possibly even other editorial departments at Marvel/DC are options for them.

Shit, when you really think about it, Zeb Wells isn't the fundamental problem. He is just the latest symptom of it.

*Not me. In 2008 I wasn't opposed to Slott writing ASM per se. But his work on She-Hulk and Spidey-Torch, whilst good in their own right, hadn't hypnotised me into thinking he was obviously be a great fit for ASM. Unfortunately, most people were hypnotised.

[kieran-granola]

Material Boy

(This one is available on AO3)

When he’s not busy being a vigilante, Tim likes to think that he’s a pretty simple guy. He has normal, civilian friends. He's awkward when he talks to people he wants to bang. He likes skateboarding and playing Warlocks & Warriors. He dropped out of high school.

He also, like many kids of his generation, grew up collecting superhero merchandise and memorabilia.

And yes, maybe he never got out of the habit of collecting super-trinkets even after joining the vigilante game — a fact he keeps between himself and God, he can only imagine how much shit Steph and the others would give him if they knew — but it's not like he steals stuff from the heroes he knows. He just... buys things. A lot of things.

Which brings him to his current problem: the amount of merchandise created depends a lot on a hero's popularity. This means that Superman has insane amounts of merch. Wonder Woman and Batman too, to a lesser extent. In Gotham, Robin does pretty well for kids' stuff, and Nightwing has inspired more than one, uh, adult line of toys.

…But Red Hood? As tacky as brands can get with their products, they know better than to create merch of mass murdering rogues and villains, and unfortunately people aren't sure whether Red Hood qualifies a good guy. This means that Tim's haul is Very Poor when it comes to Hood. Which is an issue on account of Tim's massive crush on Jason.

How is a man supposed to pine in dignity when he can't even find a decent body pillow to warm his lonely bed? How?!

Tim obviously has to fix this problem. He has to rehabilitate Red Hood and ensure a steady supply of bling for his display cases. And shelves. And furniture. And possibly wardrobe, he's not picky.

He has to.

Which is why he ends up raving about Red Hood, his crime-fighting exploits, and his charity work on social media. He uses all of his covers' accounts and even creates a few more, enthusing people and posting praise until, finally, his amateur PR campaign snowballs.

He knows his job is done when his hashtags start trending outside of the Gotham metro area, and the first Red Hood plushie comes out of Build-A-Bear.

___________________________

Jason is bemused when he first gets wind of his rising popularity. Sure, it's nice to be appreciated and the genuine testimonials from Gothamites warm the cockles of his dead, dead heart, but where did the hype come from? And why are people trying to ask him for autographs? He's a crime lord! He's dangerous and scary, and people should definitely not feel comfortable enough to ask him for selfies!

…Oh fuck, is that it? Is someone trying to sabotage his reputation?

Disturbed, Jason reaches out to Oracle for some help with finding the person behind this heinous plan. He's not entirely sure why Babs laughs for five minutes straight after hearing his question, but she eventually tells him that the original accounts extolling his virtues belong to Red Robin's covers.

Shrugging to himself, he suits up and heads to Tim's nest. He busts in, ready to deliver the wrath of the Hood on Tim for making him look like a hero when he's a Very Mean, Very Dangerous Badass… only to find Tim eating Froot Loops out of some violently lime liquid, while wearing what looks like chibi Red Hood pajamas, complete with little cat ears over the stylized helmet.

Suffice to say, that display takes the wind out of Jason's sails. He holsters his weapons back and takes off his helmet so Tim can properly appreciate how appalled he is before speaking.

"Okay, what the fuck, Timbo?"

Tim blinks. "You wanna be a bit more specific there?"

"I wouldn't even know where to start. Just. What the fuck."

"Well, I'm having dinner?" Tim tries, shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

"Froot Loops in, what is that, cucumber juice? That's dinner?" Jason stares harder.

Tim swallows his spoonful thickly. "It's Mountain Dew, actually."

"Okay but that's worse. You get how that's worse, right?"

"Did you seriously come here to talk about my meal plans?"

"I came here to ask why you decided to ruin my street cred, and to kick your ass—" Jason winces as Tim eats another mouthful, "—but apparently you're doing a great job at hurting yourself on your own."

Tim gives him a blank look. "I ruined your street cred? How?"

"You told people I'm a hero," Jason says accusingly.

"Ah, I see what the problem is. Look, Jason, this might come as a shock to you and I understand if you need to take a minute to process this very new piece of information but… you are a hero, dumbass."

Jason seriously considers throwing his helmet at Tim but, with the state Tim is in, he's pretty sure it would feel like pouring water on a drowning man.

"I'm not the kind of hero they make jammies of! I mean, what the fuck are you even wearing?"

Tim pulls on his shirt to show off the design, perking up. "These? They're Red Catting Hood limited edition PJs. They're cute, right?"

You're cute, Jason mutters under his breath, before taking a few menacing steps forward. "They're ridiculous. I'm not a cat. And I'm definitely not cute."

"We're going to have to agree to disagree there."

Jason stares at him. "You think I'm cute?"

"No, I think you're a cat," Tim deadpans, still eating his disgusting mixture.

"I… I tried to kill you, remember?!"

"Yeah, you did. And now I have little cartoon kitties of you on my jim-jams. Life's full of curveballs, isn't it?"

Jason is pretty sure he's having a minor breakdown in Tim's kitchen. He opens and closes his mouth silently several times, confusion robbing him of his words. Tim watches him for a couple of minutes, then he stands up and shuffles closer to pat him on the back.

Jason lets out a very unmanly squeak of horror when he spots matching Red Catting Hood slippers on Tim's feet.

Tim shushes him. "Hey, it's okay, dude. I understand that you don't know how to deal with people expressing positive emotions in your direction after getting the Bruce special growing up, but it's gonna be fine. Just breathe. You'll get used to it."

Jason stares at Tim with wide eyes. Then he gently takes him by the shoulders.

"Timmers. Tim. You crazy little birdie. Telling me I'm cute, talking about emotions... Are you okay? Is this a cry for help? Talk to me."

"You ask me that now?" Tim gives him a judgmental look. "I can't believe that's where you draw the line. I mean, where's your 'Be my Robin' enthusiasm?"

"It drowned in your bowl of Mountain Dew next to the Froot Loops. No, but seriously. If I'm your last resort, then you can tell me what's wrong. No need for tacky PJs, I'll listen."

Tim's eyes narrow. "Okay, then listen to this. First of all, my PJs aren't tacky. Second, I like you, dumbass, and yeah, I think you're cute. And third, I hyped you up on social media because I wanted Red Hood merch for my collection."

Jason takes a second to let that confession wash over him. He regrets removing his helmet. He's blushing, he knows he's blushing. In fact he must have been a redhead in another life, because he must be reminiscent of a tomato at this point, and oh no. He's a grown-ass man, why is he blushing like a nerd for this incredibly sleep-deprived, adorable maniac?

"You have a collection?" he squeaks.

"Uh, yeah. I started it when I was 4." Tim raises his eyebrows. "But nevermind that, are you seriously going to leave me hanging? I just told you I like you, man."

"I don't know what to say," Jason chokes out. "This... You're—I'm not good for you."

"Sorry but the entire internet would disagree. You're a hero, remember? And I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I don't need to be patronized."

Jason gestures at Tim's dinner. "That is demonstrably false."

Tim pouts. "Well. If you were my boyfriend, you could make sure I eat properly."

"Is that what you want? To be my b—" Jason's voice breaks. He swallows before trying again. "To be my boyfriend?"

"I mean, yeah?" Tim shrugs. "That's not why I hyped you up, I'm not kidding about the merch thing. But. Yeah. That would be… Good. Nice."

"Oh."

"Is that something you'd like too?"

Jason licks his lips. "Yeah, I—I think so. Yeah. There's just one thing though..."

Hope sparkles in Tim's eyes. "What?"

"It's just... I can't let people think you like me more than I like you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means—" Jason tugs on the fabric of Tim's PJs, "—that for every Red Hood item you own, you have to get me some matching Red Robin merch."

Tim grins a wide, bright, genuine smile that almost offsets the deep purple bruising under his tired eyes. "It's a deal."

___________________________

(They show up to the Manor together two months later to announce their relationship. They walk in hand-in-hand, Jason wearing a Red Robin hoodie, Tim in a Red Hood henley. Damian doesn't even have to pretend to gag at the sight.)