#like yeah eddie is about to lose chris and it's awful but what do you expect buck to do about it??? there's literally nothing he can

[wikiangela]

.

[silentcrowsilentravens]

Stars alpha reacting to their partner pulling a Richard and sacrificing themselves for them?

"Pulling a Richard" lol.

I'd like to apologize in advance to Lisa Trevor for this.

Joseph Frost, Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, Brad Vickers, Barry Burton, and Albert Wesker reacting to their s/o sacrificing themselves to save them.

(Gender ambiguous).

Warnings: death, blood, gore.

Masterlists here!

Joseph Frost

Arklay Mountains. It’s the evening of July 24, 1998. Led by Captain Wesker, you and four other members of the S.T.A.R.S. Alpha team are searching for signs of Bravo team and pilot Kevin Dooley, with whom contact was lost the day prior. 

You trudge through the tall grass, gun unholstered and flashlight scanning over every dark shape in your path.

A persistent sense of unease hangs in the air. You’d be hard-pressed to think of another time you’ve felt so on edge while on the job. 

There's shifting behind you. You whip your head around.

Joseph is standing there with his gun. "Jumpy?" he teases half-heartedly. You roll your eyes at him and resume what you were doing.

"Hey... wait a sec..." He motions for you to come over.

"What is it?" You point your light down as you approach. It catches a metal object laying in the grass between you. It's a gun. A standard-issue Beretta.

Joseph bends down to pick it up, which is when you realize that it's attached to something.

It's...

It's a hand.

A human hand with no human attached to it.

Joseph drops the severed part in shock. Both of you jolt away from it with a yelp.

Upon further inspection, realize that you know who it used to belong to. You recognize the fingerless glove and the wristwatch. They're part of a S.T.A.R.S. uniform. More specifically, the uniform of Edward Dewey from Bravo team.

For a moment, the only thing you can hear is the wind and your heart pounding in your ears. You can do nothing but stare in disbelief. 

There have been a lot of deaths lately. Gruesome ones. 

You’ve seen the crime scene photos.

You’ve seen the crime scenes.

They’re difficult to stomach.

But the feeling that washes over you here and now is particularly visceral. Every last drop of blood in your body has run cold. You feel dangerously close to hurling.

Edward is someone you see almost every day. He...

He’s a great man. A friend of yours.

He can’t be...

You finally manage to tear your gaze away and look at Joseph. 

“...Eddie can still be kicking,” he says blankly. “Guy doesn’t need both hands to live.”

Yeah. 

Yeah, Edward can still be out there. Alive. Hopefully. He's tough...

...

Is that...

...growling you're hearing?

Out of the corner of your eye, you realize something—multiple somethings are rapidly approaching. Joseph notices just a beat later than you do.

“Joey, watch out!” With all of your might, you shove your partner out of harm’s way.

He hits the ground. 

A bloody creature collides with you, its sharp teeth sinking into the exposed skin of your forearm. You cry out, wrenching your arm to the side in a desperate attempt to make it release you. It does, tearing a chunk of flesh away in the process, and quickly latches back on.

A second beast joins in, causing you to lose your balance and fall.

Followed by another one.

And another.

And another.

There are so many. They look like dogs and smell like rotting corpses, but you aren't paying much attention to that. You're in so much pain, it's difficult to think. They're quite literally eating you alive and all you can manage to do is flail about, weakly attempting to get them off.

Joseph shouts your name in alarm, scrambling to pick up his gun. His weapon-mounted light illuminates the mass of creatures pinning you down. Blood and viscera glisten.

He fires round after round, trying to kill them.

Jill, Barry, Chris, and Wesker rush over to help.

Your screams abruptly stop, cut off by an awful, strangled, gurgling noise as a set of teeth manage to rip your throat out.

"No!" Joseph keeps firing, unable to process it all. Just because you've gone quiet doesn't mean you're dead, right? Right? There's a chance you're still alive. There has to be! "Get off! Get off!"

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

"Joseph, it's too late!" Chris grabs Joseph's shoulder, trying to make him stop. Joseph won't. "We have to go!"

This can't be happening. This can't be real. You're not gone. You're not!

The remaining beasts turn their attention toward the rest of the team.

Finally, Chris and Barry seize Joseph by the back of his tactical vest and physically drag him along as they start running. He doesn't stop calling your name, doesn't stop reaching for you even as your body becomes further and further away from them.

"Brad!" Chris shouts as their helicopter abandons them. "Brad! Where's he going?!"

This night can't get any worse. They end up seeking refuge in a mansion. The moment Jill slams the doors shut and locks them, Joseph plops down on the floor, breathing hard and cradling his head in his hands.

He can't believe it. You're gone just like that. It all happened so fast... And if you hadn't done what you did, it would've been him instead.

He wishes it were him instead. His eyes begin to burn.

Jill Valentine

It's the dead of night in the summer of 2005. You and Jill are stranded in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea on the Queen Zenobia, which just narrowly avoided being completely obliterated by the Regia SOLIS.

Unfortunately, the ship still ended up getting caught in the shockwave of the blast, leaving you to deal with even more water pouring into the ship.

It's time to clear out and fast.

Both of you are swimming through the flooded corridors in search of an exit when eventually, you make your way into a room that has yet to fill completely. The surface of the water is in view. You speed up, sparing a glance over your shoulder to where Jill ought to be.

She isn't there.

You come to an immediate stop, a jolt of panic passing through you as you spin around in an attempt to locate her.

You find her a little ways back, having fallen behind because she's busy grappling with a sea creeper that's caught up to her. Damn things!

It's gotten ahold of her legs and she's fighting to keep its wide maw away. Despite their spindly limbs, earlier encounters have let you know that they're rather strong.

There's already been quite a stretch between this and the last opportunity you got to get some air. In the time it would take you to pop your head out and swim back to help Jill, it could already be too late.

With that thought at the forefront of your mind, you ignore your body's desperate pleas to breathe and make your way over.

You unsheathe your Bowie knife. Using all of your might, you drive it straight into the B.O.W.'s soft shell.

Blood turns the water red. The creature reels back with a high-pitched cry and you take the opportunity to seize your partner.

With a tight grip on the equipment harness strapped to her back, you begin to swim upward, pushing yourself to go as fast as you can.

You're so close. Fresh oxygen is just within reach when something grabs hold of your ankle and sharply tries to yank you back.

Looking down, you find the same sea creeper giving things another go.

'Get offa me, dammit!' You slam the heel of your boot down on its covered head until it releases you, then kick away.

You lift Jill and force her above the surface, managing to get her arms hooked onto a ladder leading up to a catwalk.

There's yet another tug on your leg, far harsher than the last.

You release Jill, not wanting to risk pulling her down with you.

Bubbles begin to stream past your parted lips and water floods your lungs. The burning in your chest is beginning to worsen exponentially as you're dragged away, simply unable to hold your breath any longer than you already have. You're certain this is it for you.

Jill coughs and sputters. As the darkness begins to fade back to the edges of her vision and she's able to form a thought other than 'I need air or I'm gonna die down here', she processes that you haven't resurfaced along with her.

Her still-pounding heart leaps into her throat and she curses, diving back down without a moment's hesitation.

Her eyes instantly lock onto a red cloud in the water, which both you and the sea creeper are in. It has you in its grasp and you aren't struggling. You aren't moving at all.

As Jill closes the rest of the distance, she continues to hope against all hope that she can save you.

The handle of your blade is sticking out of the creature's back. She yanks it out and plunges it into a new spot, tugging you free and kicking the thing as hard as she can, sending it into a wall.

With you in tow, Jill makes her way above the water and back to the ladder.

You aren't breathing anymore when she successfully gets you onto the catwalk. She hastily begins to perform CPR, determined to fix that. She has to.

Unfortunately, she can't. It's already too late for you.

Finally, resignation begins to set in and she lets her hands still on your chest.

Jill is no stranger to losing people, and there's a persistent nagging fear in the back of her mind about losing more. You've often been at the forefront of it.

She's always tried to push it aside, though, always hoped that it wouldn't come to pass.

Her fingers tremble slightly as they curl into fists. She lets her head hang.

If only she hadn't let that damn B.O.W. catch up to her...

There's a lump forming in her throat that she tries to swallow as she stands, sending you a silent apology for letting you down.

...

Even if she wants to stay here with you, she knows this ship isn't going to last much longer. Cursing under her breath and blinking away the tears beginning to form in her eyes, Jill keeps moving. She has to...

Chris Redfield

"We're picking up a large bogey on radar. It's heading right for you!"

Just when you thought shit had already hit the fan, that message came through on comms and not even a minute later, a tandem rotor helicopter appeared, dropping off another absolutely massive—probably a good thirty feet tall—B.O.W. onto the team's already full plate.

Echo needs three anti-aircraft guns taken out before further help can be given, so everyone tries to provide cover for Finn as he sets the charges needed to blow them up.

The wrecked buildings around you provide little cover from the ogroman, which is intent on crushing the lot of you.

Chris points out a weakness that can be exploited: Soft, exposed red flesh around where a big metal connector is sticking out of its back.

You and a few others distract the beast with bullets. Chris manages to leap onto its back while you do so, ripping out a bit of protruding bone and driving it straight into the weak point. The process is rinsed and repeated a few times before the ogroman dies, dissolving into a foul-smelling, steaming goop that leaves you coughing.

Two anti-aircraft guns down, one more to go.

Everyone's comms crackle. "There's another giant B.O.W. closing in on your location!"

A loud roar rings out.

A massive hand grabs onto a rooftop, sending shingles raining down onto a few j'avo.

"It's the one we lost at the Two of Hearts," Piers points out.

Chris orders the team to prepare to engage. You follow Finn to the last gun, making use of an underground passage that leads you into another building. When you're standing on the top floor, the target of the objective comes into view, sitting on the ground below beside a barricade.

"Let's try to make this quick."

The ogroman has other plans.

Finn and Piers, a little ways ahead of you, head down the ladder.

You and Chris are stepping out from behind a partially destroyed wall when it turns and spots you there.

The two of you begin to unload your clips into it, not getting too many hits on that weak spot thanks to the way it's positioned itself.

Click.

Click.

Click.

"I'm out!" you announce.

"Me too," Chris says. "Look out!"

A massive hand shoots out toward you.

You both dive out of the way in time. You land back behind the wall, and Chris is still out in the open stretch. Another hole is smashed into the building.

The ogroman draws its arm back, then raises it up and prepares to sweep it across.

"Chris!" You don't even think, you just act, launching yourself back onto your feet and sprinting toward him. It'll hit him if you're not quick enough!

The arm grows closer.

With mere seconds to spare, you shove Chris back to the floor.

All the wind is knocked out of you as the ogroman makes contact, sending you sailing straight over the edge.

You make a graceful arc before colliding harshly with the pavement down below.

"Shit!" Chris shouts your name in alarm.

He needs to get to you.

"Cover me!"

He slides down the ladder while other members of the team show up to keep the ogroman busy.

A red puddle has begun to form beneath you. By some miracle, you're still responsive, but only barely.

"You're gonna be alright. You're gonna make it. Just hold on, okay?" Chris begins to drag you over to cover. You let out a groan, unable to process any of what you're hearing. "I need you here." Speaking into his comm, he calls for urgent first aid.

Before long, your feeble movements begin to peter out. Chris feels his stomach drop.

"No... No, come on. You have to stay with me. You have to!" You mean so much to him. He can't lose you. He can't. Not like this.

One last raspy, rattling breath leaves your lips before you're gone.

The grief, the devastation is like an instant weight settling upon Chris' shoulders. He slams his fists against the ground and cries out, leaning down to rest his head against your chest.

This is his fault... He'll never forgive himself.

Brad Vickers

"Pizza's here," you announce, shutting the apartment door with your foot. It's late in the evening, and you and Brad decided to call in and order one for dinner.

(Both of you also went ahead and ordered one for Brad's friend, Jill, who has scarcely left her home since being suspended. Brad would've been as well, had he joined in on the shouting match she and three other S.T.A.R.S. members got into with Chief Irons over the mansion incident. You know Brad still feels guilty about it).

"Brad. Pizza." You pop open the box and waft it in front of his face before placing it on the coffee table. He snaps out of it and sends you a small smile.

"You pick out something for us to watch already?"

"Uh-huh." He places the TV Guide down and picks up the remote. "They're showing one of our favorite flicks tonight, actually."

"Yeah? Which one?" You plop down beside him on the couch with a few paper plates in hand.

...

Hours have passed, and you've fallen asleep living room. The movie has long since ended, the remaining half of dinner is sitting abandoned, and Brad is snoring lightly beside you. You might've remained that way until morning...

...if not for a loud noise from somewhere on the street below waking you up.

You slowly straighten up, removing your head from your partner's shoulder.

Then, you begin to process the not-so-distant sounds of chaos. There are sirens and people screaming.

'What is going on...?'

An orange glow is bleeding from around the edges of the drawn curtains. You get up and pull them open. Multiple fires are burning.

You hurriedly wake Brad. "Hey. Something is wrong," you tell him as you drag him over to the window. "Very, very wrong. Look."

"Holy shit." He blanches. "We need to go."

You throw on a coat and shoes while Brad puts on his S.T.A.R.S. getup. He grabs his Beretta. All you have is a pocket knife.

The two of you make your way out of the apartment, hurriedly heading down the corridor and into the stairwell.

When you reach the emergency exit at the bottom of the stairs, you encounter a problem. Before Brad even gets the chance to push the door open, something rips it off the hinges. It's a huge figure clad head to toe in a black outfit, which is dotted with small yellow hazard symbols and staples.

"S.T.A.R.S...." it growls.

After a moment's hesitation, Brad seizes you by your sleeve and begins to high-tail it toward the front of the building. Time to try the front doors instead.

The thing gives chase. It's fast. Surprisingly so.

Brad aims his gun over his shoulder and opens fire. The bullets appear to have no effect. Not good.

It lifts its hand. A thin tentacle shoots out quick as lightning, wrapping around one of Brad's ankles and tripping him up. He lands harshly on the floor, his weapon slipping from his grasp. It begins to drag him.

"Help!"

You stagger to a stop, whipping around and grabbing hold of him. All that accomplishes is making the pursuer pull you along as well.

"Let go of him!" You take your blade and slice the appendage in two. The half still attached to it retreats. You help Brad up.

"S.T.A.R.S.!"

A new tentacle pops out of its sleeves. The moment you catch a glimpse of it, you put yourself directly behind Brad.

Rougher than before, the pursuer swings its arm back, yanking you over to it.

"Brad, run!"

Brad doesn't. He freezes in place.

It picks you up by your face, squeezing so tightly that it feels as though your skull might shatter. You struggle. "Run! Before it gets y—"

Your sentence is cut off by the tentacle going straight through your mouth and out the back of your head.

You're tossed aside, dead as dead can be.

You land facing Brad, your face stained red and your eyes wide open. He feels himself begin to shake.

Then, he runs.

This can't be happening. This seriously can't be happening!

He should have stepped in to help you. Doubly so after you had done that for him.

He should have done something. Anything but just stand there! What the hell is wrong with him?!

'Oh, god...'

When it seems that he's finally lost the pursuer, Brad slumps against the wall and slides down it until he's sitting. Alone in a random building, he cries harder than he has in a long time. He's so incredibly angry with himself for practically letting that happen.

There's a hole in his heart where you used to be that can simply never be filled again. You're gone. Gone. He can't believe it...

Barry Burton

As the Starlight slowly sinks into the waters below, explosions rattle it, illuminating the pitch-black night sky with bright oranges and yellows.

You, Barry, Leon, and Lucia stand safely aboard the deck of the Umbrella submarine Barry hijacked. Admittedly, you're still a little mad that he scared you again. A few years back, when you were both part of S.T.A.R.S., he pretended to betray you and the others the same way Wesker had.

He did it to protect your daughters and kept the ruse up long enough for Wesker to let his guard down. Tonight, he pulled a similar stunt. He made a fake deal with Umbrella and acted as though he was going to hand Lucia over to them, abandoning you and Leon on the ocean liner in the process.

"Sorry, honey," Barry says, noticing the sour look on your face. "I couldn't risk them finding out."

You sigh. "No, I get it. I just can't believe I fell for it again, even if only briefly."

"I guess I must be that good of an actor, huh?"

"I wouldn't go that far," you tease lightly. "It was just the panic of it all..."

"Ouch." Barry puts on a hurt expression.

Somewhere behind you, you hear the crackle of a radio. "Hey, I'm finally getting through to headquarters," Leon announces.

Barry places a hand on Lucia's shoulder. "I'm sure Polly and Moira will be excited to meet their new sister."

Lucia's eyes widen. "You guys were being serious?"

"Of course!" Your hand lands on her free shoulder. "Welcome to the family."

She grins. A genuine, happy-as-can-be grin.

"HQ, this is Leon. Mission accomplished. We're heading home."

You glance behind you in an attempt to see Leon, but he's standing closer to Barry. Your gaze only finds his shadow. You look away.

Over the sound of the rain and explosions, your ears manage to pick on a subtle gurgling noise.

Once again, you turn your head. The shadow is beginning to change. It's distorting and growing.

With dawning horror, you realize that all of the B.O.W.s haven't been eradicated, that it isn't actually Leon standing with you guys, that he's probably still aboard the Starlight.

"We aren't out of the woods yet!" is all you can manage in warning before the Tyrant finishes turning into its true form, red, intestine-like tentacles shooting out of the wide cavity in its stomach.

Barry doesn't even get the chance to fully pull his magnum from its holster before you throw yourself into the path of danger.

Rather than your husband, the appendages end up grabbing you instead. With how your arms end up pinned to your sides, you can't grab your pistol or knife to try and free yourself.

Panic instantly tightens itself around Barry's lungs. "Good god! Lucia, get inside!" He opens fire on the monster, desperate to make it release you.

It swings you all around, making it difficult for him to get a clean shot. It slowly but surely begins to squeeze you.

A big gray forearm collides with Barry, sending both him and his weapon flying across the deck.

The monster leaps off the sub and into the cold ocean, slowly sinking.

"No, no, no!" Barry practically throws himself over the railing, grasping it with one hand and desperately grabbing for you with the other. Just barely, he manages to take hold of your webbing.

The monster tightens its grip and there's an audible crack. You stop struggling.

...

Barry stills, his fingers going slack. He can't breathe, can't believe it. The devastation hits like a sucker punch to the gut.

Your body fully disappears into the dark waters. This is one of his worst nightmares.

He curses, banging his fist against the sub. It should have been him, not you! Why did you do that?

...He knows the answer. It's because he means as much to you as you do to him.

He knows he would've risked himself like that too if the roles were swapped.

He wishes that they were. What is he meant to do without you?

Albert Wesker

By all accounts, Albert Wesker should be dead. Instead, he's woken up as something else. Something more than human.

And now, he needs to leave this place before it turns into a pile of burning rubble. It isn't clear how much time is left before the self-destruct sequence goes off, but it ought to be enough for him to make it back out the doors.

Most of the bioweapons are easy enough to take out and get past.

There is, however, one problem—one nuisance that is refusing to leave him alone: Lisa Trevor. She's followed him all the way back up to the mansion proper. Since she doesn't have the good sense to give up, he's had to take a different route in an attempt to lose her.

Finally, he thinks he might have. The exit is close. Just down the stairs, in fact. He can see it.

A door behind him flies open. He turns, tightening his finger on the trigger of his Samurai Edge.

"Captain Wesker!"

Oh. It's only you.

Albert is pleased to see that you've made it this far. Not that there was much doubt in his mind that you would. You're one of the best S.T.A.R.S. has to offer when it comes to your combat abilities.

"Where'd—" Your eyes widen before your features twist in concern. "What the hell happened to you?"

It's evident that you haven't run into Jill, Chris, Barry, or Rebecca since everything that happened down in the basement labs. This could work to his advantage. He was hoping to have you join him.

Sparing a glance at the absurd amount of red staining the front of his tactical vest, Albert tells you, "It's nothing serious."

You head closer and stare at him incredulously. It's a lot of blood. As in, more than should be outside of anyone's body if they're still alive. Maybe not all of is his? He isn't acting like he's injured.

"...Alright, if you say so," you reply, unable to shake your worry completely.

"Come with me. We're leaving." Without waiting for another second, Albert starts heading down the stairs.

"But what about the others?"

"There's no point in going after them now,'" he answers vaguely. "I'll explain everything once we get outside."

You hesitate for a moment before beginning to follow him...

...Only to be stopped moments later by an awful, raspy moan and a hunched figure hobbling into the entrance hall with surprising speed.

'What is that?!'

It's clad in a raggedy blue medical gown, wearing a mask that appears to be made of stitched-together human faces, and making a beeline for Albert.

He moves to pull out the gun he just reholstered.

The monster hunches further. A load of worm-like tendrils shoot out of its back.

Everything seems to be happening in slow motion. Wordlessly, you throw yourself between the two of them in order to save your captain from further injury,

As though they were sharp knives, two of the tendrils pierce straight through you. One through your stomach, and another through your chest. You land in a limp pile on the marble floor, blood pouring from your wounds and past your lips.

...

No...

No, this won't do at all.

White-hot anger slowly begins to crawl through Albert's veins.

"You have no idea how grave of a mistake you've just made."

Yet again, he deals with her, this time ensuring that it will be the last time. You watch through half-lidded eyes, unable to truly process any of it. You're teetering dangerously on the edge of nothingness and it's far too late for you to be saved.

Albert just about unloads the rest of his ammunition into Lisa, saving his last bullet so that he can send the chandelier crashing upon her.

"Be a good girl and stay dead." He sneers, then turns to you.

You're already dead. He picks you up.

"Don't worry, my dear. I'll fix this. I will help you rise from the ashes as I did. I will make you something more."

[mastercherry]

Throwback Thursday Eve to my Buddie AU where everyone is some type of were-creature.

(Trigger warning for the Buckleys being bad parents and mentions of Doug and his stupid self.)

Eddie and the Diaz family are wolves.

Hen, Karen, and Deny are bears. So is Bobby.

Athena and her family are lions.

Chimney and Albert are tigers.

Buck, Maddie, and the Buckleys are from a long line of raptors. Like, the birds of prey. Hawks, eagles, stuff like that.

Maybe you're thinking, hey, Megan, this seems pretty cool but what's this story about? What's the catch? What's the plot?

Let me tell you.

Buck is a very rare, very prized, very amazing raptor mutation. He's not a hawk or falcon like his family. He's an actual raptor. Like the dinosaur. It happens to 1 in a millions raptor families.

But here's the problem, it made him incompatible to help Daniel. Which is why his parents treat him the way they do. And which is also why they raise him to hide his shift. That he's not natural and he's bad. And people will be scared of him. And he can never show anyone what he really is. Because he's a monster. Although, they don't start saying stuff like that until they've married their daughter off to an actual monster.

Anyways, so the 118 family wants to know what Buck is, but he's never told them. Never showed them. And they won't push. They can tell something is wrong. So they let him just be Buck.

When Maddie shows up with her pretty brown feathers, then they know what Buck probably is, another falcon or a hawk. But still, he won't shift. Which Maddie doesn't understand for a while. Then she finally gets him to open up to her when she opens up to him about Doug. They help each other heal, but he still won't shift.

But then, maybe, the tsunami hits and he loses Christopher. And he knows if he just shifted then he could find him. But he doesn't want to run around as a monster, terrifying people who have already had a bad day. And... he feels really bad about it, but the thought of turning and Chris being scared of him.... A crushing wave of ocean water is much easier to survive than that.

So yeah... what makes him shift finally? Can you imagine the huge amount of support and love from his fire fam? Can you imagine how excited Christopher would be? Eddie would just be in awe.

Right? Wouldn't that be cool?

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

Fuck it Friday

tagged by @eowon @rewritetheending @exhuastedpigeon @devirnis @giddyupbuck @wikiangela @daffi-990 @jesuisici33

thank you beloveds! <3

making some decent progress with calls fic and hopefully it will be finished within the next few weeks. so have a little bit of eddie breaking down as he leaves buck a voicemail while he's in the coma

“I–These past few days have been so shitty. Fuck you for that, y’know. Yeah, fuck you. I don’t care if it’s irrational to be angry with you right now. I know it’s not your fault. I know you don’t want to be–but you just–I can’t keep you safe no matter what I do.” The words taste like ash on his tongue, a dream that's been burned beyond repair, charred and cracked and untouchable.

Guilt and shame and despair fall on him heavier and thicker than rain, rippling with the heat of anger that really isn’t anger, this aching incineration far too similar to what consumed him after Shannon’s death.

He can’t do it again. Please don’t make him do it again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. He sounds small and helpless. He feels small and helpless. Because he can’t keep Buck safe, just like he couldn’t keep Shannon or Chris safe, just like he can’t keep himself safe. Danger clings to his life with a vivacious jealousy, fingers hooked into his skin, tongue lapping over his wounds, always there is some form, lingering like a shadow.

Eddie bangs his head against the wall. He needs to focus. He needs to not fall into the trap of his thoughts. He needs to give Buck–he needs to give Buck something, a truth or a piece of himself tucked away in Buck’s phone as motivation, as a gift, as a reason.

“Okay, I–” he blows out a breath and pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers, eyes shutting tight again. Sparks flash over his vision, bright and devouring like a flashover, electric and paralyzing like lightning. “Everything is awful, Buck, and everything hurts. You’re laid out in a hospital bed, so fucking still and empty, and all I can think about is what it was like to lose my wife and how I can’t go through that again."

tagging @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @hippolotamus @shortsighted-owl @try-set-me-on-fire @anxieteandbiscuits @diazass @callaplums @forthewolves @eddiediaztho @arthursdent @bucks118 @shitouttabuck @diazblunt @folk-fae @gayedmundodiaz @messyhairdiaz @lover-of-mine @housewifebuck @spotsandsocks @disasterbuckdiaz @loserdiaz @monsterrae1 @buddierights @heartshapedvows @paranoidbean @thewolvesof1998 @fleurdebeton @911onabc @butchdiaz @bvckandeddie and anyone else who wants to do it!

[lemotmo]

https://www.tumblr.com/lemotmo/752941391948218368/httpswwwusmagazinecomentertainmentnews9-1-1

I know you said you need to go to bed 😂 but I’m dying to know your thoughts on the full interview. Even if it’s just a quick abridged cliff notes version of them for tonight. Good bad more hopeful then ever?

LOL Nonny! I'm living on fumes right now. I'm so exhausted. But I'm posting this last thing before I crash in my bed.

The best part was definitely the clip they posted as a preview. They knew what we wanted to see. :D

The rest of the interview is great in my opinion. I love how he approached the Chris storyline and that final scene with Gavin. Imagining talking to your own son? That must have been tough.

I also like how he asked to be a bit more light-hearted for the first part of the season. Eddie definitely deserved that.

I also like how he talked about the bachelor party scene and Eddie letting go. Especially this:

"Guzman called it 'self-exploration' of letting Eddie 'release' all his 'responsibilities,' explaining the scene as, 'Let me not think about everything. Let me turn if all off. Be as much as I can in the moment."

And who was he in that moment with? Turning it all off and releasing it all? Buck. Everything in that scene was about them doing this together.

I didn't like how he said this could be a conduit for worse though. Please not another Eddie illigal fighting era! No Tim, NO!

And when he talked about how Eddie couldn't lose Bobby. Aw, bless his heart.

He keeps repeating falling back on his religion, so I'm thinking this will be a part of this new Eddie in season 8.

This next part definitely had me sitting up and paying attention:

I'm definitely eye-balling this part really hard. The way he keeps repeating that queer people relate to Eddie and how he -once again- repeats that sexual orientation isn't important when it comes to family like the 118. And then how Eddie, as someone raised Catholic and militant can let those 'boundaries' go? Closing yourself off? Yeah, this seems to be veeeery pointed into one direction.

I don't know, but to me this passage is very telling.

As for what he wishes for next season? I really want to see Eddie punch Gerrard in the face. That would be epic. Not to mention how fast Buck would go in protective mode. LOL!

And yes to scenes with JLH! Eddie needs scenes with his love interest's sister. ;b

Overall, this was a great interview. Nothing really new, outside of the whole Buck is co-parenting Chris information. But this seems a lot more hopeful than the interviews that were released right before the ending of season 7.

Hope that is enough to satisfy your needs Nonny! Off to bed!!!

[calyssmarviss]

Okay i got obsessed again with star wars here for a minute, legit started working on tthat one fic again because my vpn was making the episode charge dreadfully slow but now i turned it off and BUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING I MEAN YEAH I MEAN WHAT THE HELL IS EDDIE DOING THERE I MEAN GO IT FOR KING I MEAN NO YOU DON’T DESERVE IT AFTER THAT CATCH YOU LATER BUCK that was bitchy as fuck wow they’re both jealous and it’s incredible

(Much later: well this has turned into a whole ass shoke full of spoilers reaction post didn’t it)

That’s insane dialogue, what do you mean “jumping ship” and “keeping options fluids”, mhm, boys? Like on a surface level Eddie’s asking if Buck is thinking about a new career option, and the metaphor makes it not even sound that deep, but you know they have some history with the concept of leaving the 118 and it either did not go down at all or didn’t go well. So Buck’s answer is like, probably not the best one to hear if you’re Eddie Diaz, but it’s banter in front of a thir party so even if he’s thinking about that he has to let it fly. Then if you put your buddie goggles on, it can be him asking, are you interested in that guy?

HE’S TAKING UR MAN TO VEGAS of all places

*

That’s not Harry. Aintnoway he went through his whole ass puberty in less than a year!

Look, Bobby can spot the impostor too.

*

Ravi!

OH THIS IS SO HAPPENING

Hey girlies how does it feel to be so right and never lose? Ngl feels so good to me.

He’s so revolted this was the perfect moment to pause at

Oh god the next frame tho.

The rope going down the pipe exept they’re both on top now

Eddie now you’re doing it on purpose. Buck just said “you never have enough friends” and you just… piled on top of it. Like. I get you, i really get you. All’s fair. But that’s Buck and you know he has abandonment issues, man.

OH NO

oH NO

oh Nooo

Oh you didn’t didn’t edmundo diaz

WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO HIM LOOK AT HIS FACE

Oh god i stopped to type and didn’t hear the dialogue yet this is insane Eddie you babby trapped him and he was your second choice and it’s your third date with Tommy already. *cough*whore*cough*/affectionate

No fr real Eddie Diaz pettiest bitch in Los Angeles. He’s gonna make Buck come to his senses the haaaaaard way.

Insane shit.

You bet he’s bothered and bewildered.

*

BITCHING TO HIS SISTER he’s so precious (Eddie it’s working)

Revenge of the Sith is the best Star Wars tho Buck, I’m in Tommy and Chris’s camp on this. Guess you’ll have to be the babysitter from now on.

“I didn’t have to (in the bitchiest tone Oliver Stark has ever used). Eddie, on his fridge (!) has a day calendar, under a take out menu: Thursday: BBPU, Double-U, back slash(okay you insane man), Tommy. And it’s circled.”

I’m dying and it’s from pure glee.

“Is it circled with a heart around it?”

*

“We have a problem.”

Yeah, that kid’s not Harry!

Lmao he’s on the run from the cops!

Yeah she can’t recognise her son because that’s not Harry!

Why is the show encouraging me???

Okay, that’s Harry, fine.

*

Oh now who’s inside looking in, looking through the glass closet locker room no less

Wait, isn’t that what leads to those stills i’ve seen of that convo? Are they gonna have a serious talk?

I need all the gifs from that episode.

Making sure he’s in line of sight, uh.

You’re not the one he wants Ravi, sorry.

IS HE FOR REAL

asdfghjkl evan buckley you got it bad

Eddie stop it, you’re not looking but I’m going to have to look at Buck’s face next frame

Bros when no hoes i guess

*

Okay that faceblindness case is genuinely awful

*

Lmao are Eddie and Tommy gonna be there?

Oh yeah, here they are

This is about to get bloody

“So I’m your basketball beard. I feel so bonded.” pffFf

Oh this is both hot and kind of embar at the same time

So, what do you thought of that chest Buck, did it give you insecurities

Ooooouch

You knkw what Eddie, you kind of deserved it FOR ONCE you shouldn’t play with the feelings of a guy that huge

Oh this isn’t good and I’m not talking about Eddie’s foot here

*

“So how’s he feeling?”

“I don’t know.”

That’s what i though you were going to say.

“I felt left out. I was trying to get his attention.” 😭

You know, he’s so valid for that, because Eddie’s attention on him is just… it’s always there, you know? And seeing it being, well, not there, it’s reall day and night. It feels unnatural, which is why i can’t think it’s genuine (but off brand haha). Whether it’s fully intentional on Eddie’s part or not.

*

Where the hell is this going. I mean the one spoiler i saw makes me think Tommy is coming onto Buck, but… look that episode went places that…. Okay I’ll just press play and see!

Buck now you’re the stop stepping a bit too close.

What is this episode guys.

Basically every line is taking me at the knees, this is so awesome.

That’s his flirting smile and i don’t know if i love or hate to see it rn.

They are so petty,

Evan Buckley you liar.

ON MY FUCKING SCREEN

ON MY FUCKING SCREEN

O ye of little faith

911 is delivering

“Please call Eddie.”

And then his face did something complicated idk Buck’s got kissed by a dude and he liked it and we just got delivered an absolute mess of a situation in 42 minutes and i can’t fucking wait to see what’s next oh my god.

[totaldramamovies]

Total Drama Movies- Episode 3- Total Drama FC

*Cabins, Morning time*

Charlotte: Francesca, love, I’ve been thinking. Do you want to form an alliance? Taniyah is in on it too. Fangxiu, Cece & Fredrick have been annoying so if we get 3 voting the same person, we’ll likely prevail.

Taniyah: Mhm!

Francesca: Oh, alright, sure! Maybe can we invite Leo? I didn’t tell you guys yet but we’re going on a date!

Charlotte: Oh my, How wondrous! Sure, we can invite him if you want!

Fangxiu: *spying on them* (Jiafei scream) AHH 😱 THE GIRLIES ARE TEAMING UP AGAINST ME! I MUST TEAM UP OR I’LL GET MY WEAVE SNATCHED😔😔 LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA TEAM UP WITH.. Rich girl or Sigma..  Hmm….

*Next cabin over*

Rajiv: Yoo, Kenny bro, what are you gonna do with the million dollars?

Kenny: Ultimate sound studio.. And a diamond ring for Dominique… 😏 I’ll hafta propose by then. How about you?

Rajiv: How expensive is infinite money? Can I get it for one mil?

Eddy: Erm… that’s scientifically inaccurate…

Sigita: *From room over* SHUT UP! 

*Eddy sadly sits back down, and Wyatt laughs*

*Loud airhorn sounds off*

Chris: MY ACTORS AND ACTRESSES! GET ON SET!

Dominique: Thanks Chris… Great way to wake up…

Fredrick: Yeah!🍷🗿 Take… this! *Farts directly at Chris*

Chris: Luckily I got this electric fan. *Blows it right back at Fredrick*

Fredrick: Augh!-🍷🗿😱😱😱🤢🤮

Chris: Phew, it’s hot out.. I got my fan, but for you guys, you’re gonna be outside all day! We are playing… SOCCER! Or football for any brits out there…

Pietro: Aw yeah bro! Its our time to finally shine!

Roman: Yeah man! *High fives Pietro*

Boris: Yes!

Ines: Finally, a challenge to show off strength!

Chris: The Mighty Wizards will be against the Fearless Warriors, and the Ferocious Monsters will be againt 4th Thing! The team to get to 3 goals on both fields will be safe! The 2 losing teams will go up against eachother and whichever team loses that will be up for elimination! GO!

*MIGHTY WIZARDS V. FEARLESS WARRIORS*

Leopold: Let’s crush them!

Cece: Let’s not lose please..

Andres: We could take down these punks easily!

Pietro: Hell yeah! Let’s get em!

Boris: I’ll be goalie.

*The Wizards barely beat the Warriors, 3-2*

*FEROCIOUS MONSTERS V 4TH THING*

Jamil: I’ve been thinking, if we intentionally lose this, then we can vote off Bailey! What do you think guys?

Eliza: Sure! I’ll be a terrible goalie!

Maxim: I’m down!

Ines: Worth a shot, wanted to show my strength though.

Jamil: We can win one but then miraculously fail, alright?

*4th Thing crushes Ferocious Monsters, 3-1*

Wyatt: Haha! Boi.. 😂 What da flip.. 😂😂🤣🤣

Sigita: Oh, Wyatt! You’re such a great goalie!

Chris: Alright, 4th Thing & Wizards, you two teams are safe from elimination! Monsters & Warriors, you two will be in a final round of soccer. Leopold and Eliza stay goalies! Whichever one scores a point first wins. Go!

Ines: I’m starting to think that maybe we should try to win… We’d be smallest team by far, 2 less people than both the Warriors & Wizards… They can still help, just don’t let them take advantage of us!

Jamil: We’ve already initiated the plan! It’s gotta go through!

Ines: You know what, No! I’m not doing the plan! I’m going to win this!

*Ines kicks soccer ball towards goal, and it reaches the net, but Leopold throws the ball back* 

Leopold: Oh yeah? Well how about this!

*Leopold kicks ball into net, Eliza misses, Wizards are safe*

Jamil: Phew!

Ines: NOO!!

Chris: Monsters, I’ll see you tonight, AGAIN!

*After challenge* 

Francesca: Charlotte!! I’m so excited, I’ve never been on a date before! Can you help me get ready?

Charlotte: Darling, you don’t need help, you’re perfect already!

Taniyah: Yeah girl, he’ll like you for sure!

Francesca: Thank you, alright, I’m ready! We were gonna meet by the dock at 4pm!

*At the dock*

*Francesca gets there early, and waits on a bench*

Francesca: Its 10 past 4 and he still isn’t here…

*Francesca waits 10 more minutes till she decides to go to his cabin. She knocks on the door and there’s a bit of a wait before Fredrick opens the door*

Fredrick: Francesca, inferior woman, what happened? 🗿

Francesca: Uh… don’t call me that… but Leo, where is he?

Fredrick: Oh… You must come in…

(The room is dingy, yet spaceous since it’s only shared by 2 contestants. The room lingers of Fredrick’s underwear.)

(Leopold Lays in his bed with cast on his foot)

Francesca: Oh no!! What happened?!

Leopold: I think I kicked the ball too hard… My foot is too injured… I just need… some… rest…

Francesca: Please do!! Feel better Leo! We can have our date whenever you feel better!

(Elimination Ceremony. The six up for elimination are:

Bailey, the Compulsive Liar,

Eliza, the Theatre Kid,

Grace, the Preppy,

Ines, the Tough One,

Jamil, the Army Cadet and

Maxim, the Bookworm)

Chris: Okay, the six of you have casted your votes! 

Jamil: Hey, Ines, I’m sorry for making you do something you didn’t want to do… It’s just I really wanted Bailey out.

Ines: Yeah, it’s okay. Don’t get me wrong she is annoying as hell!

Chris: STOP INTERRUPTING! If I call your name, you will be safe, and you will get a “Golden Chris Award”!

INES!

Ines: Phew!

GRACE!

Grace: It’s so preppy in here 🥰🥰😘

MAXIM!

Maxim: Nice!

ELIZA!

Eliza: Woohoo!

Chris: The final two… Army Cadet and Liar… The last one safe is…

Jamil. Bailey, you little liar, you gotta go! Get out!

Grace: NOO 🥺🥺 my only ally 🥺🥺 you’re the only one besides me that’s not like the other girls 😝 oh well… See you Bailey..

Bailey: Oh well, I already have a mansion!

Chris: Yeah, mhm.. Sure.

Will Smith Robot: KEEEEEP. MY WIIIIFE’S. NAAAME. OUUUTCHA. FREEEAKING. MOUUTH!!!

Bailey: AAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!

*Bailey screams as she flies off*

Chris: Heheh, what an annoying human being. Glad she wasn’t staying any longer! There are only 25 left. Who will go next? Maybe you’ll just have to see the next episode in a few days! See you in Episode 4!

——————————————————————————————————

Hey everyone! Hope yall enjoyed the third episode! I'll see you in the fourth episode coming Friday! I'll start viewer voting in episode five cuz I have a character arc i wanna do lol SEE YOU THEN!

[littleoddwriter]

hiiii! i love your blog so much!! makes me happy when you post! anyways i was hoping to request something platonic w the 911 team if that’s alright w you, gn reader is the youngest of the bunch and in turn the rest is fiercely overprotective, can this be set during the tsunami episode and they were w buck and christopher, except they get hurt really bad and are hospitalized and induced under a medical coma, maybe some ouchies angst w the team please 🥺 if this isn’t smthn you’re feeling totally ignore but if it is thanks so much!! lookin forward to seeing it! :)

Safe at last | 9-1-1 Family (118) & GenderNeutral!Reader (Platonic)

Hi there! Aw, thank you SO much that really means a lot to me! <3 Gosh, I love this and I really hope you like what I've done with it, thank you so much for the request! I'm sorry it took me a bit over a month to write it. Had to re-watch those episodes first. ^^"

summary; See above.

notes; Gender Neutral!Reader (They/Them pronouns); Platonic Relationships; Fire Fam Station 118; Injuries; Medically Induced Coma; Angst; Angst with a Happy Ending; Buck's POV.

This should have been a nice day, where you, Buck and Chris went to the pier to relax. Evan invited you because it was your day off and he thought you could use getting out of your apartment, just like Eddie said he needed it, too. Besides, you usually tagged along with Chris and him anyway, so of course you had agreed to it immediately. 

Now, Buck regretted having come to the pier of all places. He regretted taking you with him. He regretted it all. If it wasn’t for him, Chris and you would have been safe.

When the first wave hit, Buck just so managed to save Christopher and you. But you had already gotten hurt. So has he. It was okay, though. You both were still able to help others and yourselves, and Chris, most importantly. The boy really never lost his smile; even after what had just happened. Buck was amazed.

It wasn’t just Christopher, who amazed him, though. You, too. You had started out at the 118 about half a year ago and you were still young and kind of inexperienced, but you learned quickly. You had become a part of the family within what felt like seconds. 

The entire team loved you. They all felt protective of you and just wanted to see you happy and healthy. They wanted that for each of them, but you most of all, mostly because you were still ‘fresh’ and they didn’t want you to lose this light in your eyes, or this youthfulness that you brought to the station.

And now it would be Buck’s fault that you had lost it. 

______

When the receding water took more people with it and jolted the ladder truck you had been sitting on top of, not only Chris fell out and into the water. You followed him, trying to keep him from falling when you lost your own balance. 

The thing was that Evan had found you. He couldn’t find Chris anywhere, but he had found you at least. But you were hurt badly. There was blood everywhere and Buck could barely tell where it was coming from, until he realised that your stomach and leg had been punctured, while you’d been under water. 

The first thing he’d done was to find something to stop the bleeding with. Otherwise you wouldn’t survive until he could reach a hospital or a rescue team finally arrived. 

“Y/N?” he called, cradling your face in his bloody hands to make you look at him, once had stopped the bleeding, “Y/N, can you hear me?”

His heart was racing. Your eyes were closed, but you had a pulse. It was weak, though. He couldn’t lose you. You had to wake up. 

“Y/N, please! Come on, don’t do this to me,” Buck tried again, feeling for your pulse again, relieved to detect it just so, still.

Then, your eyes fluttered open. They stayed half-lidded, but you were awake and that was all that mattered, now.

“Y/N, can you move your toes? Your fingers?” he asked, trying to make sure that you hadn’t suffered a spinal injury as well. 

You were groaning for a few moments, moving around a bit. Then, you answered, “Yeah. I can. Where’s Chris?”

Buck’s heart stopped for a split second. 

“Uh, I- I don’t know. I’m trying to- I’ll find him, but I have to get you to a hospital first,” Evan said, helping you sit up enough, so he could get his hands under your back and thighs to pick you up bridal-style.

Weakly, you held onto his neck, shuddering slightly. “I’m cold,” you whispered.

“I know. Just- just stay awake, okay? Please.” Buck looked around to see in which direction the closest hospital would be. Then, he took off, carefully walking through the mud and water and chaos on the streets, as he carried you. 

Throughout, he kept you talking, sometimes even bothering you on purpose to elicit a bigger reaction from you to help you stay alert.

At last, he reached a hospital and carried you inside.

“Help! Help, please!” he called to get someone’s attention. A nurse ran over to you two. “Their abdomen and left thigh have been punctured. I don’t know by what. I tried to stop the bleeding as best as I could. Uh, I’m a firefighter. Off duty. Both of us are.”

The nurse nodded and signalled for help. They laid you down on a stretcher. 

“Names?” one of the other nurses asked.

“I’m Evan Buckley and this is Y/F/N Y/L/N, we are both firefighters at station 118,” Buck answered before you were already rolled away to be treated in a separate room. He ached to come with you, but he had to find Christopher.

“Please stay here for a moment. We’ll treat your injuries, then,” the nurse that had first attended to you two said. Then she turned around to help others that had just come in.

Buck vanished back through the doors after checking for Chris’s name on the lists. His own injuries were minor. They didn’t matter. What mattered was that you were going to be safe now and that he would find Christopher. 

When Chris had been found and Evan was back with the team at the VA hospital, he broke down completely. You were all safe and in good hands now. 

Right?

Christopher, yes. Buck, yes. You? No one was sure. Not even the doctors. 

The entire team immediately drove to the hospital Buck had dropped you off at. When they had asked for you, they only got the answer that they were ‘sorry’ and that they had been forced to induce a coma, so your body wouldn’t shut down entirely and could try to heal instead.

______

Now, Buck sat in the waiting room, while the others were out again to help those that still needed it. And all he could think was that this was his fault. It was selfish, though, wasn’t it? Was it really his fault? If he hadn’t come up with the horrible idea to go to the pier, then you wouldn’t currently be in a coma. Right? So, yes, it was his fault, he decided. But wallowing in self-blame and self-pity wouldn’t help you heal and wake up any faster.

The next day, when the rest of the team was off duty, they came back to the hospital and waited there with Buck, hoping for any information on your current condition. So far, nothing has changed, though. You were just as stable as the night before, which was just barely, hence the coma. 

“Y/N jumped after Chris when he fell from the roof of the ladder truck?” Bobby asked Buck, sitting on his right with Eddie on his left. 

Swallowing thickly, Evan nodded, “Yeah- Yes. I don’t know what happened. The water just swept them both away and something must have gotten Y/N in there. I’m so sorry, Bobby. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“Hey. No. Buck, you have nothing to apologise for. This isn’t your fault and I know Y/N would tell you the same thing,” Bobby told him sternly, interrupting his hoarse apology.

“What if they don’t wake up?” he whispered, hating himself for even thinking about this possibility. 

“Y/N’s a fighter. They’ll wake up,” Eddie said, putting a friendly hand on Buck’s shoulder and squeezing it. 

Burying his face in his hands, Evan closed his eyes and let the tears that have gathered there slip out. 

______

Weeks later, Buck was in your room, sitting on the chair beside your bed. After coming in every single day, he’d finally been allowed to you. At first they had wanted to reduce the risk of an infection by keeping everybody but the nursing staff out. But now Evan couldn’t have been happier to have finally been allowed inside when your hand twitched and your eyes slowly fluttered open.

“Y/N?” he called softly, taking your hand into his. 

You squeezed it lightly, turning your head slightly to get a better look at him.

“Hi,” you rasped brokenly. 

Buck exhaled sharply as a bright grin spread across his face. Then he leaned over and pressed the button to call for a doctor. They would need to check you over first.

While that was happening, Evan called Bobby and told him that you were finally awake. 

______

Later that day, when the team’s shift was over, they all came into the hospital and walked into your room, one after the other, until the entire family was together.

Buck had told you about everything that had happened until you had woken up, upon your questions. He was glad when the others were finally here. It made it real. The fact that you were alive and getting better.

Each member of the team, and Chris, embraced you shortly. First Chris, then Hen, then Chim, then Eddie, then Buck again, and lastly, Bobby.

The smile on your face only grew with each person.

“We’re so happy to have you back, Y/N,” Bobby said with a smile of his own, as he brushed a gentle hand through your hair. 

“All thanks to Buck,” you whispered, looking at Evan.

It shocked him to hear you say that. 

“What? No, I didn’t do anything. I’m the one that got us into this mess in the first place,” he responded incredulously. 

“You saved a lot of people. And you saved me. None of it was your fault, Buck. Just a natural disaster and some bad luck,” you said and he heard the others agree with you; especially Eddie.

Nodding, Buck chuckled dryly. He didn’t know what to say to that. You were probably right. It just didn’t feel like that yet.

But it would have to eventually.

After all, you were safe now. He hadn’t caused a huge loss among the family. Things were going to be okay.

[littlespoonevan]

I need your help please or anyone that can explain to me how does buck love or like Eddie I don’t see it I see it with Eddie how he feels about buck he likes him and has feelings for him but I only see buck liking Eddie as a friend

oof okay, where do I start?

I think it's fair to say over the last season and a bit Eddie's love for Buck can sometimes seem more obvious. We all know the fond faces got ramped up to 100 during season 4 (bless) and typically between the two of them, Eddie is the one who's made more vocal declarations of his feelings about Buck/Buck's importance to him. ("You act like you're expendable but you're wrong" etc. etc.)

Having said all that, I honestly don't know how you couldn't see that Buck loves Eddie.

Maybe you might not see it romantically - which y'know, fair enough, who's to say we're even supposed to see it romantically? But regardless, Buck absolutely loves Eddie and it's not something I've ever questioned.

The most damning example for me has always been the scene in Eddie Begins when the well collapses. Because Buck is...Buck just completely loses it????

He tries to dig through 40 feet of mud with his bare hands, he screams Eddie's name raw, he sobs in Bobby's lap and is utterly and completely inconsolable. And like, okay yes, Eddie's his best friend. Yes, it's traumatic no matter who it would be but we've never seen Buck act like that before. The closest examples I can think of are when he loses Chris in the tsunami and running to Maddie after she's been kidnapped by Doug. But again, those are two of the other people in Buck's life he loves the most.

We don't see him react like that when Bobby gets caught in the radiation fire or when Chim is stabbed or when the helicopter goes down with Hen in it. It's just because it's Eddie. Also even before this when he asks to go down to help Eddie instead of Chim Hen's immediate response is, "Why, so we can have two cut lines?" which only further proves the whole team knows Buck would sacrifice himself to save Eddie and would literally die with him if he couldn't.

Like that level of devotion is just unfathomable to me???????

We obviously see an entire repeat of this when Eddie gets shot and the entire sequence of getting him to the hospital. And yeah, once again, it's traumatic regardless but Buck's reaction is what it is because it's Eddie. He's borderline catatonic after the shooting, is barely holding himself together, and completely breaks when he finds out Eddie's okay.

I couldn't find a gif of the actual moment after he reads the texts but I've never seen Buck cry like that before???? Like you can just feel the relief and the devastation and every single emotion that's flooding through him and idk how to say that isn't love???

(Another very brief example before I move on: Buck runs into gunfire in 5x06 when he thinks Eddie's been hurt without even a second to think about what kind of danger it might put himself in)

The other thing that I think highlights Buck's feelings is the way he reacts to the things Eddie says to him?? Like I made a post yesterday about the significant things Eddie has told Buck in the past and Buck's face is always just this combination of awe and disbelief and salvation. And I personally feel like Eddie is the one who's always able to get through to him specifically because he believes in Eddie so much.

I also think it's quite telling that Buck generally isn't good with his words when it comes to Eddie??? Like normally Buck's pretty good at communication and confrontation but he really seems to struggle when it comes to defining Eddie's importance to him or saying how he feels, almost like it's too overwhelming to put into words. (In contrast to Eddie who normally struggles with words but always seems to find what to say when it's Buck)

But to move onto some happier examples askjdhf I think the way Buck supports Eddie unconditionally says a lot. Buck has a whole dilemma in s1 where he doesn't know if he's prepared for the complications that comes with dating Abby while she's taking care of her mother and Bobby tells him Abby needs someone who won't fix everything for her but will step inside the mess with her and keep her company and that's...exactly what Buck does with Eddie.

Literally from 2x02 he's there for Eddie in every way he can think without Eddie ever having to ask. He takes him to pick up Chris after the earthquake, he takes him to the hospital when his abuela breaks her hip, he clears it with Bobby so Eddie can take Chris to work with him, he introduces Eddie to Carla, he listens to Eddie when he's worrying about parenting decisions and never criticises him - only does his best to reassure him and be there for him.

And maybe in a way it's not as demonstrative as some of the things Eddie has said in the past but it's definitely Loud. We know Buck loves Chris independent of Eddie. Eddie knows it too. But it doesn't change the fact that part of the reason Buck loves Chris so much is because he's also part of Eddie.

Finally, I think he loves him just because he does. Because he's his best friend and they have fun together and he trusts Eddie so implicitly and he defers to Eddie always and because he refused to miss his firefighter ceremony even though he'd just had his crush injury because "this is more important", because when Taylor kissed him and ran away he ran to Eddie instead of chasing after her, because he watches Eddie and Chris like he's looking at his future, because he can tell when something's wrong with Eddie when no one else can. Because Eddie said "no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you" but that also meant "no one will ever fight for me as hard as you" and I believe that.

Idk I think in the end I just feel like if Buck was asked, "Who's your favourite person?" the answer would be Eddie, y'know?

[buckleyblueyes]

buddie + laughter

(send me a word and a ship and I’ll give you a head canon)

Uhh so this turned into a ficlet?? I don't know what happened but there's dialogue in it and I putting it under a cut. It's angsty bc it's a post 4x14 recovery thing, but also very fluffy.

Buck first notices it a week after Eddie comes home from the hospital. He hasn't laughed. Not once. There have been a few smiles, a handful of chuckles. But he hasn't actually laughed. And Buck understands the trauma of it all, knows the nightmares that are keeping Eddie up at night and the anxiety that is thrumming under his skin at all times. He's been there, after a ladder truck exploded on him, after a tsunami tried to wash him away, and he's there again, if he's honest, after watching Eddie get shot right in front of him. So, he understands what Eddie is going through. The last thing he wants is to make Eddie feel like he has to act happier than he is--Eddie deserves space to process and feel his negative emotions.

But, the thing is. Buck loves Eddie's laugh. And even before the shooting, it was a rare thing to get a full, unguarded laugh from Eddie instead of a chuckle or a giggle. Buck prides himself on the fact that of all the people in the world, he's one of three people who can get that kind of laugh out of Eddie (the others being Christopher and Abuela), and he also just. Really misses the sound of Eddie's laugh. Not to mention the fact that Christopher has picked up on Eddie's mood and has himself been laughing less.

(If Buck is truly honest with himself, he's been laughing and smiling less, too. But this isn't about him.)

He decides he has to do something. He knows he can't make it obvious to Eddie what he's doing, so he focuses his energies on Christopher first. Everytime he sees Chris (which is often, since he's practically living on the Diaz couch for the time being) he makes sure to come prepared with a joke. Always cheesy and silly and almost impossible not to crack a smile at.

How do cows greet each other? They exchange milkshakes.

Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

Knock Knock. Who's There? Tank. Tank Who? You're Welcome.

And it works. The jokes, silly as they are, do manage to elicit giggles from Christopher, and fond eye rolls from Eddie. Buck keeps at it, and after a couple of weeks, Christopher starts to have jokes of his own, many of which are at Buck or Eddie's expense. Buck decides he would be the butt of a thousand jokes to make Christopher and Eddie laugh. Some of the jokes they exchange even get a smile or a chuckle out of Eddie, much to Buck's delight.

Eddie's recovery progresses, physically and emotionally. He goes to the department mandated therapy, and then, to everyone's pleasant surprise, he decides to keep at it. Buck is there every step of the way with encouragement, and a few corny jokes. He's not sure when he moves from only targeting Christopher, to telling them to Eddie as well, but he knows that it helps.

When Eddie is frustrated with his physical therapy, angry and tired of fighting with own body, Buck cuts the tension with a "Knock knock. Who's There? Woo. Woo Who? Glad you're excited!" which Eddie begrudgingly goes along with. When Eddie is annoyed because he can't lift something/open something, Buck swoops in with a "need a hand, or maybe an arm?" and a wink. When Eddie emerges from his bedroom early in the morning with dark circles under his eyes, Buck nudges him and says "You should go back to bed. The early bird gets the worm, but the late worm doesn't get eaten." and every time Eddie rolls his eyes and shakes his head and bites his lip to keep from smiling. It's not a laugh, but it's something.

As the months go by Buck gets more and more of a reaction for his troubles. A lip bite turns into a half smile turns into a full smile turns into a grin turns into a snort turns into a chuckle. Eddie is clearly doing better, and so is Christopher, who has turned the whole thing into a competition to see if he or Buck is funnier. But Eddie still hasn't let out a full, deep, belly laugh since before the shooting. It makes Buck's heart ache because he knows Eddie only laughs like that when he is truly relaxed and unguarded, and knowing that Eddie hasn't been able to reach that level of calm in months, that he's been on edge this whole time? It's awful.

Finally, finally, a week before Eddie is supposed to start work again, it happens. Buck finally makes Eddie laugh. It's just...not on purpose. He's over for movie night, having moved back to his own apartment by that point. He gets up to refill the popcorn bowl and trips over something Christopher left on the floor. He falls, the plastic bowl goes in the air, and lands right on his head. Eddie just loses it.

"I'm sorry--" [laugh] "Are you--" [laugh] "--okay?"

Buck glowers. "Fine, thanks."

It's not until Buck's back on the couch, fresh bowl of popcorn in his lap, Eddie running his fingers through his hair checking for bumps (because, sure, Eddie likes slapstick, but he also has to be sure Buck isn't actually hurt), and Christopher asleep up against his dad, that it occurs to Buck. "You laughed!"

"Uh. Yeah?"

"No, I mean," Buck swallows. "You haven't laughed, since..."

"Since the shooting?" Eddie finishes. "Is that what all the jokes were about? You wanted to make me laugh?"

Buck shrugs. "I know it's been hard, and you're allowed to feel however you feel. But I just...I wanted to make you happy."

Eddie's hands are still in Buck's hair, and he turns Buck's head in his hands until Buck is facing him. "You always make me happy, Buck."

Buck can't even begin to respond to that.

"You're right, things have been difficult," he nods. "I've been on edge. But having you here? The way you've taken care of Christopher, taken care of me, for the past few months, it's not nothing. In fact," Eddie hesitates, taking a deep breath, for a second before pressing on. "Buck, it's everything. You're everything."

Buck feels like the wind has been knocked out of him, just like he always feels when Eddie says these deeply meaningful things to him. There's no one in this world I trust with my son more than you. You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong.

You're everything.

Buck swallows. Glances at the movie they're supposed to be watching. Glances down at Christopher. Finally, meets Eddie's eyes, gaze heavy with anticipation. "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"I love."

"I love who?"

"I love you."

[goodnightevan]

Eddie falling asleep with his head in Buck's lap or on his thigh as maybe Buck's looking down at him-? I don't know take it from pls. there

A/N: I know you completely forgotten about this prompt but I'm still sorry it's taken me so long lol.

That being said, thank you so much for the prompt anyways :)

ao3 version here

----

"Are you okay?" Buck asked as Eddie wiggled ever so slightly in his seat for what felt like the millionth time. 

"I'm fine." Eddie answered also for the millionth time. 

The blond rolled his eyes. This was getting out of hand. 

"Eddie." He gave his best friend, who was stubbornly staring ahead and pretending to watch the cartoon that Christopher had enthusiastically picked, a pointed look before sofly kicking his ankle. 

The other man jerked and swivelled his head to meet Buck's gaze. "Hey, what was that for?"

"Eds, you're hurting." 

Eddie huffed a quick, "I'm fine." 

Before he could protest Christopher chimed in from his current spot on the floor against the couch that he moved to earlier after being tired of bumping into his dad whenever they moved at the same time. "Daaaaad." He started to say before letting out an exasperated sigh that made him seem like an actual teenager and not just a pre-teen. "You're hurt."

Eddie opened his mouth to protest but then closed it before letting out a sigh of defeat. "My shoulder is just aching a little from sitting on the couch for too long. It's not that big of a deal."

Both Buck and Chris shared a long-suffering look, used to the older Diaz's stubbornness but still a little exasperated from having to deal with it more frequently the past few weeks. Although, they'd didn't complained because as long as Eddie was still alive that was all that mattered. 

"Eds," Buck began to tell him in a soft voice, "do you need to lay down?"

It was Eddie's turn to roll his eyes. "I'm fine." He repeated with emphasis. "I've been in that damn bed enough these past few weeks to last a lifetime."

"Eddie." Buck told him sternly, knowing that if Eddie was showing discomfort and talking about his shoulder bothering him then it must've really been hurting him and he didn't want his best friend to exasperate the wound and hurt even more.

"Buck." Eddie mocked.

"Donkey!" Christopher exclaimed, breaking the tension. 

The two men blinked at each other, looked at the ten year old who started to giggle, then looked back at each other before starting to laugh as well. 

After a few moments of laughter, Buck let out a soft sigh. "Eddie, I'm serious. If you need to, I can help you to bed."

His best friend gave him a fond smile which wasn't until recently that Buck had realized the full effect it had on him. "I know. And thank you for caring, like you always do. But it's almost Chris' bedtime anyways and I want to spend as much time with you guys out here as possible."

Buck sighed, always ending up giving in to Eddie. It had taken his best friend getting shot for him to realize exactly why he had that effect on Buck. "I know you do." He said ever so softly. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so overbearing. It's just..." He paused. 

"We worry about you." Christopher finished for him, patting his father's leg as he gave him a serious look. 

Eddie smiled down at his son. "I don't want you to worry, Mijo. That's my job."

"But dad, we do worry. It's what family does."

Eddie's smile brightened. "Well when you put it that way..." He then began to tickle his son, who's giggles echoed happily throughout the living room. 

However, the older Diaz could only tickle for a second or so before wincing in pain, although he did a pretty good job of hiding it. But Buck could tell how much his best friend was hurting. He always could. 

"Okay, that's it." Buck announced, moving closer to the end of the couch until his left side hit the arm. He then patted his thigh. "Come on."

Eddie's eyes widened ever so slightly, making Buck realize the innuendos that motion caused. 

He then cleared his throat. "Lay your head on my lap." 

Yeah that didn't sound quite better either. 

Buck then quickly added. "So you can finish the movie with me and Chris and be at least somewhat more comfortable."

Eddie gave him that small yet fond smile once more, eyes slightly widened as he looked at him in what seemed to be in awe. 

The blond shifted in his seat. "What?"

His best friend cleared his throat. "Nothing." His eyes then fell toward Buck's lap before travelling back to meet his gaze. "Are you sure?"

Buck rolled his eyes before patting his thigh again. "Of course. Come on, we're missing all the good parts."

Eddie's smile widened as he proceeded to lay down on the couch, his back against the cushions as his head tilted slightly to see the movie. 

Trying to help him be as comfortable as possible, Buck went to delicately rest his arm around Eddie's side so his bad shoulder could have more support. 

They surprisingly got settled in comfortable positions rather quickly as Christopher gave them a bright smile before turning his attention back on the tv and proceeding to rewind the little bit that they missed.

They watched the cartoon in a peaceful silence besides the laughter coming from all three of them at different points. It didn't take long for Buck to subconsciously begin to to rub small, soothing circles on Eddie's arm with one hand and softly run his fingers through Eddie's hair in the other. 

His best friend hitched a breath at first at the touch, which made Buck about to stop his small movements. But before he could, Eddie sunk further in the blond's hold, and let out a moan of contentment. 

"Hmmm. That's nice." He muttered, shifting his head ever so slightly so he could softly rub his nose against Buck's thigh, like a cat who was enjoying a head rub. 

And wow, okay. This was new. 

Though Buck could add it up to the list of small yet new and slightly alarming - but in a good way - things that Eddie had done since coming home from the hospital.

For a man who had gotten shot in broad daylight and almost… died, Eddie had surprisingly been... lighter in a way.

Even while he was struggling with dealing with having to only use one arm and needing other's help since Eddie always had a hard time asking for help. But at least with Buck he had been more open about it, more willing to tell the blond what he needed. Even though there were still plenty of times where Buck had to guess and not be told Eddie's needs, like just a few minutes prior. 

But, whenever Eddie would ask Buck for help and the blond immediately said "Of course" or when Buck gave him exactly what he needed at the moment without being asked, no matter what Eddie would always give him that fond smile. 

Buck had noticed it before that fateful day, but there was something about those fond looks that sorta...grew afterwards. A certain openness that always took his breath away. 

And then of course there were those lingering touches that Eddie had given him countless of times as well. 

Sure, Buck had been helping him with his PT exercises so of course they'd be touching a lot. But it wasn't just then. Like whenever Buck would hand Eddie something and their fingers would graze each other. Or whenever Eddie needed to walk pass Buck and his hand would press on his back for a moment. It was used to be where the touch would only last a milisecond but now it'd just linger there for a few secondw too long. In fact, whenever they'd accidentally touch - and that had been happening a lot in these past few weeks - Eddie would always just… linger there. And whenever he'd finally move away, he didn't look bashful or embarrassed or anything like that. No. He'd just give Buck this lingering, secretive smile that always made his stomach flutter, before going back to what he was doing and acting like he didn't just almost give Buck a heart attack with all of the palpitations that he caused. 

However, Buck would just try to tell himself that he was just overreacting and that it was just because his feelings for his best friend had been present more than ever and hard to keep in since the incident. That Eddie had always acted like that because they were best friends and close and that was what they did. Nothing changed except Buck temporarily moving in to help out which made everything seem more intimate than it really was. 

That was it. Nothing less. Nothing more. 

Well...besides the fact that Eddie had apparently put Buck in his will as Christopher's guardian if something were to happen to him. A fact that Eddie had kept to himself for a year. Something that Buck may or may not still be reeling from during these past few weeks. Especially as he and the Diaz boys had fallen into this somewhat domestic bubble that Buck kept trying to convince himself that it was just temporary as Eddie recovered. 

And it worked. For the most part. 

However, it had been more and more difficult for Buck to convince himself of it when it came to moments like his current one. 

With the way Eddie didn't second guess to lay on Buck's lap after getting the okay and proceeding to sink further into the touch. Eddie's little moans and noises of contentment as Buck continued his gentle movements. 

And...did Eddie's lips just gently graze the skin on Buck's thigh where his shorts rode up?

That...that had to be a mistake right? 

Because, sure, there had been moments here and there where it really felt like they were gonna kiss before one or both of them pulled away. But, again, this was all mostly likely in Buck's head. 

Right?

Daring to look down at Eddie, he noticed how his eyes were now closed as his breathing had gotten more even. It seemed like Eddie had fallen asleep, looking more peaceful than Buck had seen him in a long time. 

His heart was beating loudly in his chest, as his stomach tightened while every fiber in his being lightened up like they were on fire. Buck hitched a breath. He couldn't take it. His love for his best friend encompassed him. 

Every night he had nightmares of that day. Of the absolutely devastating fear of losing Eddie. Buck had never been more terrified in his life. But it were moments like this current one where Buck thanked the universe with everything he had that Eddie was here. That he was alive and breathing. That even after getting shot and dealing with the traumatizing struggle of his recovery, Eddie still seemed lighter. More open and sure of himself in a certain vulnerability that Buck had never seen on him before. Like a certain puzzle piece had clicked. And even when there were days where Eddie had been frustrated and angry and just flat out stubborn with his recovery, that lightness had still somehow been there, keeping him grounded. 

Eddie was alive. Eddie was getting better. And as he did, Buck was going to continue to be with him as much as possible. 

And even though his recovery was going to take a long time between the physical therapy and his therapy for his PTSD, and it was still gonna be a long and hard road, there were still moments where Eddie was happy. Happier than Buck had seen him in a long time even. 

Moments like these where it was just Eddie, Buck, and Christopher, being together. 

And Buck? Buck could live in these moments forever. As long as he had Eddie and Christopher then he'd be okay. 

At that thought he looked away from the sleeping man in his lap to check on Chris. The kid was now laying on the soft carpet, head on one of the couch pillows, now fast asleep just like his dad. 

His two Diaz boys. Who had both gone through so much more than anyone should in a lifetime and now were both sleeping happily, with small smiles both on their faces. 

Buck's heart clenched in his chest.

Now this? This was what pure happiness felt like. 

He then looked back down at the soft expression on Eddie's face as his best friend slept soundly. 

Buck couldn't take it anymore. 

Sure this was a very bad idea, but his heart felt like it was going to rip out of his chest. His love for the best friend he'll ever have was just too much. 

And so, in a moment of weakness, Buck leaned his head down and kissed Eddie's forehead, lingering there for a few seconds or so before whispering in a hushed tone, "I love you."

Eddie's head shifted ever so slightly which made Buck immediately rip his hand away. 

His best friend's eyes slowly fluttered open before meeting his gaze. 

And there it was. That fond look yet again. But this time it was brighter than Buck had ever seen it before.

Eddie smiled up at him, "I love you too."

And just like that Buck finally knew what that missing puzzle piece Eddie had seemed to find. Because he was now feeling it too as everything fell into place.

Not being able to contain himself anymore, Buck leaned down and placed a small yet emotional-filled kiss on Eddie's lips. His best friend returned the kiss with as much vigor. 

After Buck lifted his head up ever so slightly, he placed his forehead against Eddie's as they smiled softly at each other. 

Yeah, he could get used to this.

[fictionalreads]

9-1-1 Season 5 Episode 13

Buck

BUCKLEY SIBLINGS REUNITED

Awe he wanna see Jee

Buck. Stop being awkward around her.

Buck you are incredibly obvious.

Not Buck being self aware about the fact that he stays cause he’s afraid of being left.

Ah fuck Buck.

Hen

Hen being witness to all this shit is about right.

So is her being over it completely.

Why does Hen always have to be the level headed one when the rest lose their shit? I’m talking about Bobby leaving, even if I would’ve done the same as him.

Hen to the rescue

Maddie

Wait. What. They broke up?!

Awe they’re so adult about it.

Ooooh she called them both out. Herself the fugitive and Buck the settler.

THE MATH THEY TEACH KIDS NOW IS HARD!! Like it’s so unnecessarily difficult.

Make your peace with the tub/water Maddie. Jee can not go the next few years not bathing.

Eddie

Therapy Eddie. I feel like this scene is everything every fanfic writer imagined when they wrote Eddie starting out in therapy. The reluctance, the desire to be elsewhere, the shutting down. Which one of y’all in the writer’s room?

Eddie no. Pain is not weakness. See this is why you need therapy.

Damn. “If the fear goes away what’s left?” I bet that got to him.

CHRIS

Oh no Chris is witness to it.

Oh shit. She died too. He’s the only one.

No Eddie you needed to lose it.

Oh shit why am I crying?

THATS WHERE IT ENDS

Chimney

Uh no. Just cause you apologized doesn’t make you good.

LOOK AT RAVI

I know you’re worried but she’s with Buck and Maddie is her mother. You gotta have faith.

ALBERT!! But lose the mustache.

Bobby

“You want me to warm it up for you?” I love when he’s sarcastic.

I am Bobby. Bobby is me. Spiders are a no.

Miscellaneous

LMAO Chimney and Maddie catching up on the gossip.

Bro if you can’t handle being in the water with sharks, don’t go in. Watch his ass leave the cage.

Awe fuck. It’s worse than him leaving the cage. He unhooked the shit. How did he even manage that?

I like this episode so far.

I feel like there should be something on the app so you could decline certain pets.

No amount of money could get me to do that. How the hell did they get out?

This has nothing to do with 9-1-1 but when the trailer for Father Stu comes on and he says he’s gonna be a priest and the lady says “for Halloween?” I crack up every. Single. Time.

Bro not even being subtle about the gun. And lady got guts.

GIRL YOU THROWING GAS AWAY IN THIS ECONOMY?! Oh she psycho.

OH YEAH WE KNOW THE GAS STATION LADY RUTH

Damn it’s over already? It went by fast as hell tonight.

[wikiangela-fanfics]

“I will never leave you”- Buddie oneshot

I literally cannot stop writing about them now lmao 

This oneshot is basically what happened in the 4x08 but if Eddie and Buck were together, because once I saw the "you're late" scene I immediately knew I had to write something There are some lines from the episode, and honestly I feel like half of it is pretty awkward and doesn't make much sense, but I like it so whatever haha

summary: Eddie and Buck decide to finally tell Chris that they're dating.

words: 2.6k

Ao3

Enjoy ♥

***

Buck heard the car pull into the driveway. He knew it was Eddie, who was running some errands and asked Buck to watch Christopher after work. He got up and walked towards the door to greet him.

By the time he got to the door, Eddie was already inside, carrying bags with groceries. Buck leaned against the doorframe, and smiled.

“You’re late.” he said, while Eddie dropped the bags and started to take off his jacket. Eddie actually set the exact time he would be back, because he wanted to tuck his son in, and then spend the evening with Buck. But he ran a little late, and Buck will never pass up an opportunity to tease him.

“There was construction on Sunset. Had to take a detour.” Eddie answered, putting his jacked on the rack. 

“Or maybe you were on a date or something?” Buck asked teasingly, amusement clear on his face. They went through similar conversations before they got together, back when Eddie went back to dating.

“Ha. Ha.” Eddie rolled his eyes. Then, he added softly: “You know the only person I’d want to be on a date with stands in front of me.”

“Aw, you’re such a sap.” Buck’s smile widened, but before Eddie could react, he added: “But your answer is correct.” he leaned towards Eddie, who immediately understood, and leaned in to leave a quick, sotf kiss on Buck’s lips. “Missed you.” Buck murmured, as Eddie was pulling away.

“And who’s a sap now?” Eddie raised his eyebrows, a teasing smirk on his face, because they’d seen each other just a few hours ago. But he missed Buck too, to be honest. He leaned down to pick up bags with groceries that he had dropped before. “You wanna help me with those?” he asked, as he struggled to grip all of them, while Buck just kept leaning against the doorframe and looking at him.

“Not really.” Buck said and Eddie looked back at him with a disbelieving look on his face. “What? If you were on time, I’d help.” he shrugged, a smug look on his face.

“Fine. I’ll remind you of this next time you’re late.” Eddie said, finally picking them all up.

“I’m kidding.” Buck sighed and rolled his eyes, walking over to Eddie and taking half of the groceries. “Why is there so much stuff here, anyway? Did you buy a whole supermarket?” he asked as they carried it to the kitchen.

“Just some groceries.” Eddie put the bags on the counter and started to unpack them. Buck started to help, too. “Christopher already asleep?”

“No, but he’s in bed. It was tough, but we negotiated a deal. He got ready for bed, and I wasn’t allowed to turn off the light or tell him a story. He was waiting for you, but you were late.” he said pointedly. 

“I know.” Eddie stopped unpacking the bags and looked at Buck with annoyance, but there was fondness there too. That was his Buck. He could annoy him and tease him to no end, but Eddie loved him more than he could express. “Thanks for taking care of him.” he added, more softly.

“It’s a pleasure.” Buck said proudly. “He’s my best friend.” he grinned.

“What?” Eddie frowned, but he was smiling. “Then what am I?” Buck gave him a look in response, and Eddie just laughed. “Okay, fine. He’s your best friend, whatever.” he shook his head, starting to put things away to cabinets, while Buck was putting stuff in the fridge. 

“And I am his best friend, just so you know.” Buck added, his tone still teasing.

“And I’m more than happy about that.” Eddie looked at him. “I’m his dad, I can get over him liking you more than me.” 

“Good.” Buck said. 

“Actually, I’ve been thinking.” Eddie said, suddenly nervous, his gaze focused on the package of pasta in his hands. 

“Should I be worried?” Buck asked carefully and Eddie could feel his gaze.

“No, no. Of course not.” Eddie quickly said, putting the pasta on the shelf, but still not moving his gaze. “It’s just… we’ve been dating for a while. And we know that Chris loves you.” he stopped, swallowing hard.

“And you want to tell him.” Buck said slowly, basically finishing Eddie’s sentence. “About us.”

Eddie suddenly turned around, facing Buck. His eyes were wide and he was chewing on his lower lip out of nerves. Then he took a deep breath.

“Yeah, I do.” he said. “If you wanna. I mean, I think he’d take it well. He knows you and- and loves you.” if he was this nervous just talking to Buck about it, he was going to be a mess telling Christopher. Maybe he wasn’t as ready as he thought. “And he knows that you’re always gonna be there for him.” it was a statement, but there was some kind of a question hidden there, in his tone and his eyes. 

Buck walked over to Eddie and took his face into his hands. 

“Hey, of course I will.” he said. “And I am totally on board with telling him. But right now, let me unpack the rest, and you go say goodnight to your son, so that he can finally go to sleep, because he has school tomorrow.” Buck smiled fondly. “And then we will talk some more, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” Eddie chuckled lightly, a little embarrassed at his nervousness. He shook his head and walked away from Buck, into his son’s room. They will be fine. They will tell Chris and he’s gonna be fine with them being together. Or so Eddie was trying to convince himself. But that wasn’t what he had to worry about just then. He would talk it over with Buck first, and then they would find the right moment to tell Chris. It would be fine.

***

They decided to tell him a few days later. 

Buck was constantly saying that if Eddie wasn’t ready, he was fine with waiting. But even though Eddie was really nervous, he felt like he needed to do this. He needed to be honest with his son. And he really wanted to be able to hold Buck’s hand when they all go out together, or cuddle with Buck when they have a movie night, and all the other stuff he’s not able to do now. He wanted to be able to act like he felt - like he was head over heels for Buck - and he didn’t want to hide anymore. Especially not from the most important person in his world.

So after watching a movie Friday night, instead the usual “time to get ready for bed,” Eddie told Chris:

“We wanted to talk to you about something.” 

“Okay.” Christopher answered, looking up at Eddie, who was silent for a long while, gathering his thoughts.

“So.” Eddie started. “Um, I wanted to ask you…” he looked at Buck, who was sitting on the other side of Christopher. He looked back at Eddie and he knew that if he wanted to back away, Buck would be cool with it. But he needed to say it. He just wasn’t sure how, despite preparing for the last couple of days. “How would you feel about me, uh, dating-” he said very slowly, hearing his heartbeat in his ears. Before he could even say Buck’s name, Chris interrupted him.

“No! I don’t want you to date!” he exclaimed.

“Hey, listen to me.” Eddie tried, but Chris got up from the couch before Eddie could realize that he should have approached it differently. “Chris.” he said as Chris started to walk away.

“Hey, buddy. Wait a second.” Buck spoke up and Chris stopped and looked at him. Then he looked to Eddie to continue. 

“Look, the person I’m dating is Buck.” Eddie said with a smile. “It’s not some random stranger. It’s our Buck, okay?” he hoped that the mere fact that it was his best friend, whom Chris knew and loved, would be enough to make him less angry.

“No. You can’t date Buck!” Chris said, even angrier now. Both Buck and Eddie looked at each other with surprise and worry. They were hoping he would be happy about that. “You can’t! I’m mad at both of you!” he added, before walking away.

Buck and Eddie sat there in silence for a while, not moving. Finally, Eddie spoke up.

“That was so not how I expected it to go.” he said.

“Yeah, somehow I hoped he’d, you know, not hate us.” Buck said, looking at Eddie. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Eddie frowned. “It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” Buck sighed. “I’m the person you’re dating. And he’s your kid and he’s mad at you for dating.”

“He’s mad at both of us, if I remember correctly.” Eddie said, trying to sound lighter than he did. “He’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” he took Buck’s hand and intertwined their fingers. 

“But if he really doesn’t want us to be together, I-”

“No, don’t say it.” Eddie interrupted. “I’m not losing you, in any way.” he said, because even if they could go back to just being friends, which would probably be slightly, or very, awkward, he didn’t want that. He knew Chris would come around. He had to. They were already a family, they’ve been a family since before he and Buck started dating. They couldn’t just… break up. “He’ll calm down and I’ll try to talk to him again. It can’t be about you.” he added with a frown. “He loves you, he wouldn’t be mad about that.”

Buck didn’t answer. He got up and let go of Eddie’s hand. Before Eddie could ask where he was going, Buck just said: “I’ll be right back.” and went towards Christopher’s room. Eddie just sat there, trusting that Buck knows what he’s doing. He’s always been good with Chris, and he had a connection with him, so surely he would be able to talk to Chris, even though the boy was mad at him.

***

First, Buck knocked on the door, but didn’t hear an answer.

“Hey, it’s Buck. Can I come in?” he asked. 

“No.” Chris said, and Buck sighed.

“Hey, I just wanna talk. Give me two minutes. No longer, I swear.”

“Okay.” the boy answered after a while. 

Buck opened the door and found Chris sitting on his bed, clearly upset. He sat down next to him.

“So you’re really mad at us, huh?” Buck asked, not sure how exactly to approach the topic.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Chris answered, looking at the floor.

“We gotta talk about it sooner or later. And your dad’s not here right now. Whatever you say, I promise it’ll stay between us.” Christopher didn’t answer. “Come on, we’re friends, right? You can talk to me.” he gently nudged him with his elbow. “I know that it might be a little weird at first. But not much will change, I swear.”

“I don’t want anything to change.” Christopher said. 

“What exactly you don’t want to change?” Buck asked, having a faint idea of what it might be about.

“For you to leave.” the boy admitted quietly. “Everybody leaves now, abuelita, Carla, my friends... and mom was with dad and she still left. And what if you break up and you leave too?”

“Buddy.” Buck put his arm around him. “Yeah, people go away. And it’s sad. But not everyone goes away forever. You will see your friends, Carla and abuelita soon. And I will never leave you. I love your dad. And I love you.” he couldn’t help a small smile. “We won’t break up. But even if we do…” he added as Chris was about to say something. “I will never leave you, okay? I’m not going anywhere, ever. I’m always here for you, no matter what.”

“Do you promise?” he heard Chris whisper.

“I promise.” Buck said sincerely, catching Chris’ small smile.

They sat there in silence for a while, and then Buck felt Chris move and nestle up against Buck’s side. 

“Thanks, Buck. You’re a good friend.” Christopher said. “And if you’re not gonna leave, then I’m happy for you and dad.” 

“That means more than anything, kid.” Buck exhaled with relief.

After a couple more minutes they got back to the living room, where Eddie was anxiously waiting on the couch. He looked at the smile on Chris’ face and looked relieved, but also a little confused.

“Hi.” he said, crouching down to Christopher’s eye level. “What’s that smile?”

“You and Buck are boyfriends.” Chris said happily. Eddie looked up at Buck with surprise. Buck shrugged and smiled innocently.

“What did you talk about in there?” Eddie asked, his tone surprised, a wide smile on his face.

“That’s private.” Buck said, sitting down on the couch. Eddie raised his eyebrow. “What? We can have our secrets.”

“Really?” Eddie’s gaze landed on his son again. Chris laughed.

“You don’t have to know everything.” he said and Eddie scoffed with surprise and amusement.

“I’m gonna leave that for now.” Eddie said, getting up. He had enough of arguing for one night. He was just happy that if Chris doesn’t want to talk to him about something, he’ll always have Buck to turn to. “I guess it’s time for bed.” he said. 

As Chris went to get ready for bed, Eddie walked over to Buck and kissed him briefly. “You’re a miracle worker.”

“All I did was talk to him.” Buck rolled his eyes with a smile. Eddie just kissed him one more time. He was so glad that Buck and Chris have such a great relationship. And that he had a partner, who was going to be there with him and his son.

“Thank you.” he whispered, then going to check on Chris.

Then both Eddie and Buck went to tuck Chris in and tell him a story together.

***

He heavily sat on the couch, sighing. Buck chuckled, sitting next to him, and running his hand through Eddie’s hair.

“It was an emotional evening.” Buck said.

“Yeah.” Eddie chuckled, wrapping his arms around Buck and hiding his face in his neck. “Wanna tell me what you and Chris talked about?”

“Nope.” Buck said and Eddie raised his head to look at him. “Just be happy he’s good with us now.”

“Whatever, I’m too tired right now.” he put his head back down, feeling Buck’s hand play with his hair.

“Maybe you should just go to sleep?” Eddie made a small sound of agreement. “Okay. So go, and I will see you tomorrow at work, alright?” at that Eddie sat back up with a frown. “What?”

“Why don’t you just stay the night?” he suggested with a shrug. They’ve been dating for a while, but with Chris, if Buck would stay over, they would sleep separately, just in case. But Eddie just felt like falling asleep in the arms of the man he loves, and his son finally knew about their relationship, so he felt like he could have this.

“Sure.” Buck smiled.

“And by that I mean, in my bed, not on the couch.” Eddie clarified, and Buck chuckled, rolling his eyes.

Eddie got up and took Buck’s hand, pulling him to himself. When Buck was standing too, Eddie kissed him deeply. “I love you.” he whispered.

“I love you too, Eddie.” Buck said softly, and chuckled again as Eddie yawned. “C’mon, let’s go to bed.” he intertwined their fingers and led Eddie to the bedroom. 

As Eddie was falling asleep, Buck’s arms wrapped around him, he felt happier than ever. The difficult evening had a happy ending, and now he didn’t have to hide his happiness from his son, who was fine with them dating. And he thought that maybe, sometime soon, he would ask Buck to move in with them. He was more than sure of their relationship and he knew that both he and Chris would love to have Buck around more. Besides, Eddie has never fallen asleep faster and has never been more comfortable, than with Buck in his bed.

[bisexualbuck]

pauline my love!!! i'm in the mood for angsty buck x eddie, so i'll send you some numbers and see if any of them inspire you; 2, 31 & 92 😌

“You can’t keep ignoring this.” - Read on AO3

.

Buck is very fond of denial.

What a neat trick it is! He has a problem, then he won’t think about it until it either goes away on its own (it rarely does) or it comes back to bite him in the ass (it usually does).

Either way, denial is great.

Take for example his non-platonic, very romantic feelings for his best friend.

Buck could confess. He could also try to move on from this unrequited situation.

Instead of doing either of these things, he buries his head in the sand and pretends he has no problem breathing at all. No, he has no heavy weight sitting on his chest at all times, and maybe if he repeats if enough it will become true.

So what if he still overthinks every interaction he has with Eddie? That’s his business, no matter what his sister may think.

“You can’t keep ignoring this,” she says – again.

She says it a lot. His answer is pretty much always the same.

“Actually, I can. And I think I will. This is working great for me so far. It’s like Schrödinger’s confession, if I don’t say anything, Eddie can’t reject me.”

Maddie rolls her eyes with such force Buck expects them to fly out. Everyone tells him he is dramatic but if he is, it’s only because he grew up raised by one Maddie Buckley.

He is grateful for her being eight month pregnant, otherwise she would have already dragged him to Eddie and force him to confess.

Unaware that he is being bullied, the extended family of the 118 is talking and laughing excitedly in the other room. He longs to join them so that he can go back to ignoring his feelings.

“Don’t be daft,” she tells him.

“Eddie loves you.” “Yeah, he does – as a friend.” She goes to protest again but he presses on before she can. “Look, Maddie, I see what you’re trying to do and I know you worry about me but the truth is, I can’t risk this. Eddie and Christopher mean too much to me and I can’t risk losing them because of my big dumb messy feelings.”

Her face goes from annoyed to sad, almost pitiful.

“So, no. If Eddie feels the same way, he has to make the first move because I can’t.”

She sighs and for a moment, they bask in this tired silence.

Then, she says, “Your feelings aren’t dumb.”

Buck can’t help but snort at this and she smiles too though it’s shadowed by all that which they never mention.

They know that they did not grow up as children should, that their parents never showed them how to love and be loved and that both of them have searched for belonging and love in the wrong places. Maybe, if they had been taught the definition of love, Buck would have had a braver heart.

Guilt rears its head at seeing his sister’s dimmed smile knowing that he is the cause of it, and so he hurries to change the subject – anything to make her laugh freely again.

Soon, he forgets about this discussion. It’s one he has had many times with Maddie, and with Hen too, and with Bobby, awkwardly too, that one time.

He knows people think Eddie might love him back the way Buck wants to, but, if so, why isn’t he doing anything about it?

Eddie isn’t the one with everything to lose.

.

It’s not until three days later that Buck is reminded of the conversation.

Eddie and him are painting Christopher’s room as a surprise for his birthday.

It was actually Buck’s idea but Eddie loved it and the two of them spent several hours deciding on a new color scheme for the room.

Well, in truth, the whole team got involved and it was of course Hen’s pick that got chosen, at Chim’s good-natured protest, which made Buck very happy because Chim refused to listen to Buck’s input about his nephew’s room.

“I need to tell you something,” Eddie blurts out, stilling mid-movement in his painting.

Buck almost tells him to finish it or it’ll leave a trace but the seriousness on his best friend’s stop him.

“Okay?” And no, Buck isn’t worried all of the sudden. At all. “What is it? Wait, are you okay? Is Chris okay?”

“Yes. We’re fine. I just – listen, I love you.”

Buck beams though his heart clenches in yearning – Eddie doesn’t mean it like that.

“Aw, I love you too, man.”

Eddie shakes his head. He steps down from the stool he was perched on. Absentmindedly, Buck mourns the trace that will be left on the wall. This is the third coat, they won’t have enough paint to do a fourth one.

Maybe they can put a picture to hide it later on?

“No, Buck,” Eddie protests. “I love you. As in, I’m in love with you.”

Buck blinks. And then, for good measure, he blinks once more but the scene is still the same – Eddie, earnest, looking at him with soft, imploring eyes.

“You’re – what?” Buck can’t process this.

Is he in a coma and no one has had the decency to tell him? Has he been gravely injured on the job and this is is mind’s conjured wishful scenario right before he dies?

“I’m in love with you, Buck,” Eddie repeats breathlessly. “I am. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long but I never could bring myself to.”

“What changed?” he asks almost despite himself.

He can’t believe this is truly happening. It all feels so much like a dream that he is half expecting to wake up any minute now in his bed with his heart crushed.

“I couldn’t keep ignoring this.”

Something stirs in Buck’s memory that he can’t quite place but he is too busy staring with adoration at the love of his life to focus on it.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replies with a soft smile. “It was all so easy to live in denial because, if I never told you, I was safe. Like Schrödinger’s confession.”

Buck stills. The memory comes back to him and it all clicks.

His conversation with Maddie at the 118’s monthly barbecue.

“You heard?”

Eddie shrugs, sheepish. “In my defense, you were speaking really loud and I was just in the other room.”

“I – I don’t know what to say.”

“Maybe say you love me too? Just so that I know you weren’t joking around with Maddie.”

That’s when it hits him. Eddie is as nervous as Buck has always felt when thinking about confessing. He looks like a man who is scared he is about to lose everything.

“I love you,” he cries out hurriedly. “Of course I love you but you – you? Like, you have feelings for me? Romantic ones?”

Eddie laughs with such relief that Buck can’t help but laugh too.

“How could I not fall in love with you, Evan Buckley? You’re everything.”

And when they kiss, Buck can finally breathe again.

Maybe denial isn’t all that he’s made it out to be.

Being free and in love has its perks too.

[thisissirius]

“stay alive, please.” Maybe as a joke? For 911.

alas, i could not make this a joke for all that i tried. .... except that i didn’t try hard because angst writes itself D:

this is me, after all, back on my bullshit.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERRRRRRRRRRRRRS 

still a chance (i would take those odds) eddie/buck, THAT trailer :)

“Stay alive,” Buck says. “Please.”

——

Buck wakes first, light spilling across the bed and he shifts until he’s out of its glare. Eddie huffs beside him, fingers twitching on the pillow next to his head. For once, they’re both up before the alarm, and Buck indulges in watching. Eddie in the mornings is always a delight; when he can be, he’s slow, pressing closer to Buck, face turning into Buck’s neck. 

“Morning,” he says, words muffled by Eddie’s forehead. 

“Nope,” Eddie rumbles. His hand curling into Buck’s. “Not until Chris.”

Laughing gently, Buck ghosts a kiss over Eddie’s temple. “Whatever you say, Diaz.”

Cracking open an eye, Eddie’s glare is ruined by the smile curving his lips. “What happened to Eddie?”

“Not awake until Chris is,” Buck says, laughing when Eddie digs a thumb into his side. “Stop.”

Eddie’s soft laughter soothes the burst of pain left in the wake of his thumb. 

“I love you,” Buck whispers. 

A softening of Eddie’s face as he closes his eyes; he can never say it with them open, as if he’s afraid of the words. Of what they mean. Buck doesn’t take it personally, knows they’re true, even as he buries the ache of it beneath a smile. “I love you, too.”

——

“Eddie? Fuck, please, answer me!”

——

They’re worried about a landslide. 

There’s the sign.

Is it moving?

——

“So,” Hen says, sitting next to Buck on the bench.

Buck raises his eyebrows. “So?”

“Have you asked him yet?”

Eddie’s washing the truck with Chim, both of them fucking around with the water. Buck snorts as Chim slips on a puddle, Bobby’s voice ringing clear across the station for them to get their shit together and work. 

“No,” Buck admits. He avoids Hen’s knowing gaze. “Chris thinks it’s a great idea.”

“Of course he does.” Hen nudges him gently. “He knows you love Eddie.”

Buck opens his mouth, wants to say but does Eddie love me, except they get stuck somewhere in his throat. He knows Eddie does. They’re not words Eddie can ever take lightly when Chris is involved, but knowing and believing are two very different things. 

Eddie looks up then, grins and tosses them both a wink. Hen snorts, mutters idiot under her breath. Buck’s fingers twitch to reach for Eddie, to press a kiss to that ridiculous mouth and ask Eddie right then, in the middle of the station. 

Later, Buck wonders why he didn’t. 

——

Buried alive. 

The words ring in Buck’s head and he swallows past the sudden lump in his throat. He thinks of Hayden, the pipe, losing Eddie. Mud sliding beneath his knees, his hands, the thought of Eddie being lost forever. 

It’s not like the same thing can happen twice. 

What are the goddamned odds. 

——

“I’ll take the helicopter with Eddie and Chim,” Cap says, breaking through the awe of the moment. “We need to find those missing hikers.”

Buck hears it, but doesn’t listen. 

He’s elbow deep in wreckage, Hen’s voice murmuring soothing words to the couple trapped in the car. 

Athena’s voice rings out over the crowd and Buck sinks into the motions of a rescue; this is what he’s made for. 

——

“Good work,” Athena says. 

Buck nods, eyes tracking the helictopter that thuds across the sky. The light is fading; rescue’s only gonna get harder from here. “What are they facing up there?”

“Buried houses, cars, people,” Athena says with a wince. “They’re gonna be fine—”

“We need to get up there,” Hen says. 

Buck agrees, tearing his gaze away from the helictoper. Cap and Chim are fine. Eddie’s fine. Other people, not so much.

——

The Hollywood sign is gone. 

Houses, people, cars are stuck fast in mud. 

Somewhere on Mount Lee, an over-saturation of water triggers a secondary landslide. 

——

It’s—Buck doesn’t know how to begin explaining it. 

The air is thick with the cloying smell of earth. Yells and screams ring out over the noise of Buck’s own breathing. Mud everywhere, house slick to the second floor. 

“Fuck,” he mutters.

“We should co-ordinate with Cap,” Hen starts, and then stumbles. 

Buck frowns, follows her gaze and feels his stomach swoop dangerously. 

——

A helicopter blade jammed straight up into the air. 

Someone clambering over the side of the helicopter half stuck in mud. 

Yells for help rolling over Buck and he can’t hear anything but the roaring in his ears. 

——

“Buck,” Bobby says, arm around Buck. 

Buck’s heart is hammering in his chest and he thinks not again. 

There’s mud caked through the inside of the chopper. Chim’s lying half in, half out and talking to someone in low tones. 

“Is he—”

“Stuck,” Bobby says. Quick, like ripping off a Band Aid. 

“I have to,” Buck starts, shoving away from Bobby. 

“You need to stay here,” Bobby says, as gently as he’s able.

Buck doesn’t want gentle. “No,” he snaps, because this is somewhere he’s been before and he’s not living this again, he’s not. Scrambling up the side of the helicopter, Buck’s hands are shaking but he ignores it, takes in the scene before him. 

“Buck, you need—”

“Eddie?”

——

There’s blood on Eddie’s forehead. 

The same forehead Buck kissed that morning. 

The cowlick is still there, too. Slick with mud and blood and water. 

Eyes half-lidded and hazy. 

“Eddie,” Buck says gently, wanting to reach for Eddie and tug, but—

Stuck fast in mud, one arm, barely half of his left shoulder, and his head free. 

——     

“What did I say,” Bobby yells, grabbing a hold of Buck’s leg and pulling. Buck falls more than he slides down the side of the ‘copter, and he stumbles against Bobby as his feet hit the ground. “Extra weight is only gonna send that thing down faster and Eddie will— ”

Buck wrenches himself out of Bobby’s grip. “Fuck you,” he snarls, watches the surprise and anger ripple across Bobby’s face in quick succession. “We can’t just leave him in there!”

"We’re not going to—”

Then, from Chim, “Cap, Eddie wants to speak to Buck.” 

——

Chim’s feet touch the ground. 

Buck’s clambering back up the helicopter, trying to keep his movements careful, because it won’t take much, just a tip the wrong side. 

Fuck. Fuck, what about Chris?

—— 

“I need,” Eddie says, breaking off. 

“Hard to breathe,” Chim says, when he passes Buck on the way down. “His chest is rattling, face pinched. I’ve done what i can.”

Buck doesn’t doubt it, but he can see Eddie struggle with talking, moving, breathing. 

“You have to do something for me.”

“Eddie, I can’t—”

“Chris needs you.”

“Fuck you.” Buck tries to find purchase on the side of the ‘copter, tugs off a glove because if this is gonna be—if Eddie—he wants to touch. “He needs you.”

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes. “And yet.”    

“The mud—we can’t set up a winch,” Buck says because he can’t think of anything else. His fingers brush through Eddie’s hair, and he doesn’t even care what they’re gonna be covered in. Eddie’s smile flickers and Buck feels despair claw at his chest, throat. “I’m sorry.”

Eddie swallows, winces as he shifts in the mud and Buck wants to tell him to stop, but he can’t make himself talk. “Chris—”

Buck tightens his grip a fraction, then relaxes. “Don’t, Eddie.”

“Should have asked you to marry me,” Eddie says, almost to himself. 

Something in Buck shatters and he doesn’t think it’ll ever come together the right away. 

“I love you,” Eddie says. 

It’s not until Buck’s back on solid ground that he realizes Eddie’s eyes were open. 

——

“Bobby, please.”

“Kid,” Bobby says, and his voice cracks on the word. 

——

Buried alive.

Mud sliding beneath his knees, his hands, the thought of Eddie being lost forever.

What are the goddamned odds.

—— 

[readinginthereadyroom]

it’s rage (911 3x05) and the divorce lawsuit arc keeps eddie from reaching out to buck. 

but the thing is. eddie’s been isolating himself. not on purpose. but as a means of coping. with the almost-baby. the would-be divorce. shannon’s death. his family visiting. the ladder bombing. buck’s blood clots. the tsunami. christopher’s ptsd. and there’s no time for anything else. certainly not time for himself. 

and he’ll willingly take christopher to therapy. but won’t give that to himself. he’s not touchy-feely like that. or at least. he doesn’t think he’s allowed to be. 

eddie basically admits it in kids today (911 3x01). look, I know it sucks, but that's life, right? whenever stuff didn't work out for me, my dad always told me to brush it off, keep moving forward. It wasn't easy but he wasn't wrong. 

but instead of that he listens to his team. decides that hen’s I don't know if I should just give him a swift kick in the butt and get him back out there or hug him and tell him that it's all gonna be okay. is the better advice. so he shows up unannounced at buck’s loft. gives him a swift kick in the ass outta bed. hands him a hug in the shape of christopher. he never feels sorry for himself. and it seems to work. for a while. I learned one thing from that tsunami: it's that I don't quit. I fight. because even after the tsunami. after losing christopher during the second wave. eddie still trusts buck. because buck never stopped searching. never stopped trying to find christopher. and that means everything. thank you for not giving up.

but then there’s the fallout. christopher’s having nightmares. and he’s unwilling to talk about them to eddie. he obviously saw something terrible when he was separated from buck. something that he conflates with his mother’s death. something about a woman drowning. 

which is absolutey heartbreaking. especially since there’s nothing eddie can really do. just keep loving him. 

and bosko means well. she and eddie are building their own friendship since the tsunamis. and it’s been growing while she temps at the 118. she gives him invaluable advice when he talks about christopher. that no matter what, her mom shared her feelings with her. however we felt, we were in it together, no matter what.

but she’s also a literal buck stand-in. a temporary coworker and a temporary confidante. especially once the lawsuit is underway. well, there's no way I was gonna call my abuela or the 118, and I'm not allowed to talk to buck.

because buck is trying to get his job back. feeling hurt and betrayed and lashing out. and inadvertabtly hurting those he cares about most. because he told his lawyer about shannon’s death. how eddie never took any time off to grieve. never saw a counselor.

and eddie’s not okay with that. not after the revelation about christopher’s nightmares. the fresh wounds that would leave. because eddie’s a private guy. guarded about his emotions. he’s silly and soft with christopher in their own home. but he’ll cry alone on the beach. 

and maybe buck didn’t say all that to this stranger. this ambulance chaser. but it feels like he did. that buck aired all his dirty laundry. personal things. that buck didn’t have his back. 

but maybe bosko can. she might be a buck mirror in the tsunami eps but she’s also an eddie mirror. she’s not into touchy feely emotions either. and she likes to fight. so she takes him to fake fight club. let’s him work off some steam. 

only it fails spectacularly. because eddie’s not actually mad. he’s not angry. no, he’s hurting. and he doesn’t know how to show it. and maybe that's where our rage comes from. a feeling that our world, our lives are out of control.

and it all comes spilling out in the pet aisle of a grocery store. because buck’s there to apologize and eddie. eddie misses him. I can't even talk to you and you’re not around. 

even worse. christopher misses him. and buck didn’t even realize that.

and there’s a lifetime bad advice is still rattling around in eddie’s head. we all have our own problems, but you don't see us whining about it. no, somehow, we just manage to suck it up. why can't you? and then he says something truly awful. something he doesn’t actually mean.

you're exhausting.

which is to say. eddie’s exhausted. he’s obviously not sleeping, not with christopher waking up to nightmares. and everything feels like it’s out of control. eddie feels like he’s out of control. 

and just when he felt like he was getting some of that control back--buck becoming a fire marshal. a new friend. admitting he’s sad to chris. a week without nightmares--that lawyer takes it all away. makes him feel like he’s still not enough. awakens the old fears that he’ll drag christopher down with him. because he didn’t grieve properly. didn’t let himself feel. and that’s what sparked all of christopher’s problems. 

nevermind that none of it’s true. that it’s just eddie projecting. because he feels helpless. powerless. weak. alone.

and that’s why eddie goes to the private fights. why he continues going. despite the bruises and the beatings. and why he gives buck the cold shoulder in monsters (911 3x06) when he notices them. nothing you need to be concerned with.

because their team is broken. when you decided to sue the department, to make cap the bad guy, did you ever stop for a minute to think what that could do to us? and yeah, eddie’s obtensibly refering to the 118 team. but that little finger waggle gives him away. us as in you and me. us as in you and christopher. us as in the buckley-diaz team.

your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. that's what it means to be a part of a team. because eddie’s ready to finish their conversation from the grocery story. ready to listen. because buck’s proven he’s listened too. acknoweldged that he didn’t think about what could happen. that he didn’t mean for it to go so far. didn’t mean for anyone. let alone eddie and chris. to get hurt. 

only he was so mad. at bobby. at the 118. at the world. at himself. and he wanted to punch something. 

just like eddie. 

and maybe that’s what does it. because eddie’s forgiven buck before he can even finish asking. I forgive you. also what it means to be part of a team. because they were the same. they were both hurting. both retreating inward and lashing outwards. alone and suffering for it. 

so eddie puts their team back together. seals all that tough love with a hug. 

and it’s not quite over. they still have some healing to do--eddie’s still cage fighting and buck’s still repairing his relationship with bobby. but now they have each other’s backs. they can heal together. 

because they’re on the same team. again.