#like with one look at chuck we as the audience can see she's heartbroken and desperately in love with him before she's ever said as much

[hmspogueobx]

Sunshine and Pine

Chapter Four: Secret Skills

"Oh you're on Cameron." I say, chucking the soccer ball as hard as I can right at his face. Unfortunately for all the wolf skills I have, he's got them to, and he catches it effortlessly. I'd been sitting on a blanket with Leah, having a nice chill time when Jared started throwing out jabs about how in all the time I'd been here, I'd never had the guts to play with the big boys.

"You ever played soccer before, sweetheart?" He seems to think the intensity in my glare is funny as he keeps egging me on, rolling the ball back to me. "You use your feet to kick the ball into the other team's goal. Got it?"

"Oh, I don't put it in my own goal?" I say, sending the ball into the air and casually juggling it.

Jared's face drops, and somewhere beside me Paul lets out a booming laugh.

I spend the next hour wiping the floor with Jared. Dribbling the ball between his feet, sending him flying into the sand. Eventually he concedes and we all fall onto a blanket Emily laid out for us.

"I just want to hear you say it Jared! I want Jake and Leah to hear it!" I say, leaning back into Paul's arms.

"LUCY IS THE ALL TIME BEST SOCCER PLAYER IN ALL OF THE WORLD. HER AMAZINGNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS." Jared shouts in the flattest voice he can.

The little group of our friends sitting on the other side of the beach look over. Leah whoops and hollers, throwing her hands together in a cheer. Even Jacob, the epitome of a moody heartbroken teenager cracks a small smile.

Paul leans down to whisper in my ear. "I'm not gonna lie... that was super fucking hot." He presses a kiss to my hair. "Who knew you were so good at soccer."

I peek up at him over my shoulder. "Oh I'm good at a lot of things Paul."

His eyes go dark at the provocative tone in my voice. "Maybe I could show you sometime." Reaching back my hand to grab his face, I plant a quick peck to his cheek.

I don't need a mind link to know what he's thinking, by the way he's shifting me in his lap, like he's got something to hide.

______________

I'm sat in the back seat of Jared's truck shoulders bumping between Seth and Leah's. The road leading to the cliffs isn't the smoothest ride. Someone had brought up cliff diving that morning, and Seth had been quick to pipe up that he'd never once done it, which apparently was unacceptable. After a fair amount of ribbing from the other boys about not being brave enough, Seth had outed me, tatling that I'd never done it either.

It was immediately declared that everyone was to go get their swimsuits and meet at the top of the cliffs.

Seth, who'd been fidgety the whole drive up, was now peering over the edge of the cliff warily.

"Geez man. Did it get taller? It looks so normal from the beach." Seth whispers for just me to hear. This absolutely precious boy I think leaning into his shoulder. "I can go with you if you want." And he seriously contemplates it before shaking his head.

"Nah, the guys'll never shut up about it. I got this." He decides, squaring his shoulders.

After a while of peaking over the edge and backing away a few times, and a few boys sprinting past him to jump, Seth finally gets the balls to hurl himself over the side, in the world's most awkward looking cannonball. The few of you still there are left cackling at the whole thing.

"You end up wearing one of the new swimsuits you got?" Leah asks. I hum and nod at her.

"The flowery one? Or the blue one that makes your ass look extra smackable?" She asks, quoting the exact words I'd said when I told her about them.

I sense rather than see that Paul's eyes are suddenly on us from his spot a few feet behind me.

Wordlessly, I pull the shoulder of my sundress to the side, revealing a bright blue bikini strap with an overly sweet smile, putting on a show for my secret audience.

"Ooo nice colour. Let me see." She demands.

Grabbing the bottom of my sundress, I start to hike it up over my head. I swear I hear someone's breath hitch. Scrunching my dress into a ball I bend over to tuck it into my bag, and this time I definitely hear a groan behind me. And not at all a subtle one.

"Alright, well that's our cue Embry." Leah smirks, sauntering over to the last person left on top of the cliff. With a wink over his shoulder Embry shouts "If you guys don't come right down after us, everyone will know exactly what you're doing!" And with that, he and Leah leap off the edge. Their screams get quieter and quieter, until my wolf ears hear a faint splash.

Suddenly there's a pair of warm hands on my hips, pulling me flush against a hard chest.

"You know I've been meaning to take up swimming... We should go. Like all the time." Paul's soft voice contradictory to the nips his teeth are giving my ear. I wiggle my hips back into him and he hisses "Everyday.... We should come everyday."

His words pull a giggle from my lips. "I could definitely be into that." I push off of Paul and turn around to face him. With the most innocent look I can manage, my hands splayed on his chest, I start to lightly push him backwards towards a nearby tree. "You know I don't think I really want to jump right now."

Paul's eyes have gone dark as they follow your every move. "No?" His voice comes out an octave lower than normal. My waves bounce on my shoulders as I shake my head no.

"And I don't think I really care what our friends will think if we don't." Paul visibly gulps. I love that after all the times we've been together that I can still pull reactions like this out of him. His back bumps into the tree. My hands trail down to the waist of his shorts.

"Maybe I could show you some of those things I'm really good at." I say looking up at him as I sink to my knees.

Safe to say, it was a while before we joined our friends in the water.

—--------

I pull the heavy scent of Pine and fire and Paul over my head, tightening the string of the hoodie around my face. I'm about to crawl into bed for the night, but the corner of an envelope catches my eye. I'd buried it underneath a pile of books in hopes that it would get lost there, hoping I'd forget about it altogether. But no matter my intention, some part of me clearly wanted to read it, because the entire corner was clearly visible. I can't hold back my curiosity any longer, and with a heavy sigh, I gently shuffle it out of its half-assed hiding spot and rip out the letter.

The thick black ink is curled in a way that reminds me of my mother's handwriting, but somehow stuffy and stiff. And it makes me a bit sad to see.

My Dearest Lucy,

I still cannot believe how beautiful you have grown up to be. When I saw you standing in front of me, it took all of my strength not to run to you. I had to stay stoic so as to not show weakness. Strength is very important in the Volturi, and I didn't want Jane to report back to Aro. She would have to, as she is forever trying to prove her superiority over me.

I wanted to explain, my beautiful girl, just why I never came to tell you that I was alive.

You would think that being bitten and changing is the most painful thing in the world. And it was definitely no easy feat. But the part afterwards, when you wake up all alone, with no idea what to do, fire tearing up your throat... That is pain. I went to Los Angeles for a while, feeding where I knew I wouldn't run into you or your father. After a while, I tried to come back for you. But I was standing outside the house, and the scent of your father was just too sweet. I ran as fast as I could before I couldn't control myself any longer. I just couldn't be near you without risk.

I spent a while in isolation after that. Feeding only on those dumb enough to wander deep into the woods. That is where Demetri found me. He later told me that I looked more like a wild animal than a vampire. I'd been alone in the woods for so long. But the Volturi have someone who can sense the abilities of other vampires. She'd passed near enough by me to feel my power, and told Demetri where to find me. He brought me to Aro, and they gave me a place in their guard. After being completely alone in this for so long, it felt so good to be a part of something. They gave me a home, and companionship, and helped me to strengthen my abilities. Lucy, I can't even begin to explain in writing how strong I've become. I could protect us. I think you and your father would like Italy so much. I'm strong enough that you wouldn't have to worry about your wolf problem. If anyone said anything I could change their minds. You don't have to keep pretending with your "pack". We could be a REAL family again.

Send me a reply at the address below. Tell me when you can be ready to travel. I will be there.

PO Box 3645

266 Via di Sotto

Volterra, Italy

Sincerely,

Mother

I've read through it three times now. I'm trying to find my mom in these words, in this penmanship. But it contains none of her warmth, none of her love. This is cold and distant. Her time as a vampire and in isolation had changed her too much. The quotation marks around the word pack irk me. The capitalization of REAL just pisses me off. I don't even realize I'm trembling with rage until I feel the breeze rush through my opening window and a warm hand coming down on my shoulder. I wordlessly hand the letter to Paul while I rush to my desk, yanking open the drawer to find a blank envelope and paper. Paul's grip has tightened on the paper and I hear it crumpling behind me. I scribble so angrily that my writing is wobbly.

Let's just clear something up here. My PACK is my REAL family. Just as Dad is my REAL family. I lost my mother a long time ago. My mother never would have tried to control me the way you did. And she certainly wouldn't have wanted to lure me into the den of my enemies to keep as some prize. I don't know who you are anymore. And I sure as hell will not be leaving my family behind to be a prisoner in some bloodsucker tomb like some sort of meal waiting to be devoured. I've been through so much pain to get here, but I'm here now and I'm finally happy. I am NOT leaving.

DO NOT COME HERE!!

I shove the letter haphazardly into the envelope, cover it in postage stamps and march out the door to shove it in the mailbox.

[tellmeourstoryy]

Yvonne Strahovski is seriously such an amazing actress. She can convey more emotion with one look than most people can with actual dialogue

[whosaskingwrites]

Forget You (Kuroo x Reader)

A/N: This one is told entirely from Kuroos pov except for the very beginning. Because, Reader's pov wouldn't have been sad. As she doesn't remember him by the time they see eachother again. Edit: Y'all deadass let me not have the theme in here since the 24th. The theme has been added as of the 29th.

WARNINGS: None really? Angst Kuroo is a sad boy. Tooth rotting fluff from Bokuto i guess if that counts as a warning. Kuroo yells at you in the beginning.

Date: Saturday October 24th, 2020

Details: 5.5 pages 2,040 words

Theme: Stranger- when you get heartbroken you have the option of forgetting the person who caused the heart break as long as you say the word stranger with enough conviction while thinking about the person you want to forget.

Angst masterlist

“I can’t fucking stand you! Why are you so Goddamn annoying!” I took a step back as I looked at Kuroo “All I asked was to meet your friends! Since you talk about them all the time!” I yelled back. I didn’t know what had made him so mad we had been dating for six months having been roommates previously.

“And I told you no so why didn’t you accept that?” I shook my head “Actually you just started yelling at me-" “God see! You always have to be fucking right about everything!” I flinched as his voice raised more “You know what? Get the fuck out,” I looked up at him “w-what?” I voiced “Get your shit and get out I don’t wanna see you again. I’m breaking up with you,” My other roommate Kenma had finally come out of his room at that “Hey Kuroo-" I held up my hand to stop Kenma “No…its okay i-i'll leave but I’m leaving my stuff here until I have a new place. Kenma I leave it in your care,” my voice was shaky as I turned.

“Y/n…,” I shook my head at Kenma “I…I’ll see you later Kenma. Kuroo,” I turned a glare on him to see he was already glaring at me “I hope I never fucking see you again,” I turned on my heel leaving the apartment with heavy footsteps. It was sunset and my feet carried me to the trains I took a random one and let my feet carry me as I ended up at park. I had no idea where I was but I couldn’t find myself to care as I cried.

I wiped my tears slightly thinking about Kuroo and I knew then I didn’t want him to occupy my thoughts anymore. I looked at the sunset and focused before saying the word with as much conviction and venom as I could muster. “Stranger,” I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes.

More tears leaked out of my eyes when I recalled my roommate Kenma had kicked me out of our apartment. “Where am I?” I whispered sighing as I realized my phone was dead.

“Excuse me…Are you okay?” I turned my head looking at a guy who stood next to the bench. He had what appeared to be silver and black hair his head tilted slightly to the side casting half his face in the dying sunlight. I vaguely noticed that his eyes were gold and seemed to glow despite no light being cast on them. “I…I think so?” I voiced as I looked back at him.

“You think so? Why are you crying in the park then?” He got closer and sat on the other side of the bench. “My roommate kicked me out of our apartment and my phone is dead so…,” I looked away as he hummed “Um…You could stay at my place,” I turned back to look at him with wide eyes. “I don’t even know your name and you’re asking me to stay at your place? Do you know that makes you sound like a serial killer?” He laughed suddenly eyes crinkling in mirth.

“Sorry I’ve been told I’m too nice by my teammates. Im Bokuto Koutarou,” He held out a hand giving me a smile. I took his hand and mirrored the smile “Y/n L/n. You’re on a sports team?” His smile widened suddenly and in his excitement he pulled me closer still holding onto my hand “Yeah! Volleyball I play for the MSBY Black Jackals,” he puffed his chest with a sense of pride causing me to laugh.

“Volleyball huh? Sounds like fun,” He nodded rapidly “It is! You should come to one of my games- ah sorry! I’ve been talking about me when you’re the one who’s sad,” I shook my head with a smile as he let go of my hands eyes wide in panic “Its okay. I’m not sad anymore but I think I will take you up on that offer as long as you promise not to hurt me,” I held up my pinky towards him giggling lightly.

He smiled widely hooking his pinky with my own “I promise. This will be the best adventure of your life,” I nodded at him “I’ll hold you too that Bokuto,” He chuckled at me

“Deal Y/n,”

Two years.

It had been two years since I’d seen the love of my life. I regretted it everyday since our argument and Kenma never made me feel better about it. “No she never talks about you or asks. And I don’t bring you up,” was the last thing he told me when I asked about her. I never meant to yell or kick her out and I’d never forgiven myself for it. She had blocked my number fairly quickly and Kenma never told me where she was.

“Hey Kuroo pay attention to the game,” Kenma voiced causing me to zone back in and stop thinking about Y/n. I sighed “Why are we even here?” I asked watching Bokuto preform a cross-shot that had the audience screaming. “Bokuto said he wanted to say something and he wanted all of us there,” I shrugged “He’s probably just gonna tell us that he’s got a spot on the Japanese Olympics team,” I sighed out while Kenma clicked his tounge. “Sure…,” I looked at him “Kenma do you know something I don’t?” Before he could answer the whistle blew announcing the Black Jackals as the winners of the match.

Kenma stood “Let’s go congratulate them,” I stood with him as he walked off “Hey you didn’t answer the question!” He kept a quick pace ahead of me while I followed. We stepped onto the court Kenma immediately going to Hinata I couldn’t see Bokuto but my eyes caught sight of a familiar face standing by the Miya twins. She laughed at something Atsumu said and laughed harder when Osamu added something that caused Atsumu to glare at him.

I gasped as I looked at her she looked just as beautiful as she did the last time I saw her. H/l h/c hair cascaded down her back her e/c eyes sparkled brightly like gems she wore a Black Jackals jersey and a pair of jeans both of which hugged her figure in just the right way. I let my feet carry me towards her knowing I needed to apologize. I didn’t know why she was here but Kenma probably invited her so I could see her.

“Y/n!” I called when I was close enough she turned her eyes meeting mine. I expected many emotions to pass her face in all the times I pictured seeing her again. Anger, sadness, happiness, etc. But confusion was never one that crossed my mind. “I’m sorry…Do I know you?” she asked causing my eyes to widen in shock. “No…You couldn’t have…,” I voiced quietly. She stared at me offering a slight smile but nowhere in her expression did I see any form of recognition. And I knew then she had forgotten me entirely.

I smiled back realizing I could start over with her “Sorry I’m Kuroo Tetsuro…You’re very beautiful,” her face turned pink slightly and the Miya twins laughed. Suddenly I saw familiarity light up her eyes and I smiled thinking she remembered me. “Oh! I know you! You’re the friend that Kou always wants me to meet! He gets so sad everytime you blow him off,” she frowned slightly at the end. Causing me to frown as I realized she really didn’t remember. But I also frowned at the name it was vaguely familiar though I couldn’t place where. “Kou?” I mumbled quietly to myself.

“Excuse me! Can I have everyone’s attention?” the gym quieted down everyone knew Bokuto was announcing something so most of the audience had stayed to listen. We all turned to the source of the voice and I noted that he looked beyond nervous for whatever he planned to say.

“I’d like for my beautiful girlfriend to come here,” The twins suddenly shoved Y/n forward causing her to stumble a bit but she walked forward anyway. I froze as the name connected in my mind on why its so familiar 'Kou…Koutarou' 'She calls me Kou and its so cute!' I saw her stop next to him and they smiled at each other “Oh fuck,” I whispered to myself as Kenma slid over. Bokuto was fidgeting slightly and rocking on the balls of his feet a telling sign that he was anxious.

“I’ve got something to say and I’ve thought about it for awhile,” he sent a reassuring smile at her when he noticed she looked nervous. He took a deep breath before continuing “Two years ago I found you crying in a park. I remember you told me that your roommate kicked you out and you called me a serial killer,” she turned red as he and others laughed.

I realized then that the day they met was the same day we broke up. “I took a leap of faith that day and told you that you could stay with me even though I had no reason to,” He chucked lightly at the pink dusting her cheeks “At the time I never would predicted that by the six month mark I would have fallen in love with you,” I frowned at the collective aw leaving the audiences mouths. 'That should be me' I thought as I watched the two of them.

“And after a year and a half I’ve decided that I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I want to wake up with you next to me, I want to laugh at everything and nothing with you, I want to spend nights with you wrapped in my arms as we talk about whatever comes to mind,” a pink flush had taken over his face and from behind me I heard a sniffle.

“Tsumu are you crying?” I heard “Shut the fuck up Samu,” Kenma snorted next to me at the twins. “I want these things because I’m so completely and Irrevocably in love with you so…,” I watched Bokutos eyes flicker to Akaashi who nodded at him. He dropped to one knee and everything became a buzz as I zoned in on Y/n the audience gasping was barely audible to me as I watched her cover her mouth with her hand her eyes were bright and glassy and every fiber of my being screamed at me to stop this. ‘Get her back! Stop him!’ my mind screamed. I couldn’t move though I was frozen on the spot feeling like id just been doused with freezing cold water.

“Will you do me the honor of continuing this adventure and marry me?” I could hear Bokuto but it sounded so distant to me. ‘No! Say no!’ My mind screamed louder but I felt my heart crack as she nodded in response. He got back up to wrap his arms around her picking her up he spun her around a few times and buried his face in the crook of her neck pressing light kisses to her shoulder.

‘Get away from her!’ I shook my head as I watched him slip a silver band on her finger. I caught sight of the f/c gem attached to it. It was surrounded by small yellow gems that matched Bokuto's eyes. He kissed her cheek as everyone cheered and congratulated them. She pulled back pulling out a small envelope and pressing it into his hands. He looked at her and opened it before his eyes lit up even more. He whispered something to her to which she nodded at. His excitement couldn’t be contained as he picked her up again “I’m gonna be a dad!” He didn’t need the mic this time plenty loud enough without it but it reignited the audience’s excitement as they screamed again.

He placed her down wrapping an arm around her waist and finally I watched my entire world shatter and heart crumble as the love of my life kissed her fiancé and father of her children.

‘That should have been me'

————————————————————————

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

[mikhailoist]

Why Dean and Cas Will Go Canon in 15x09: An Analysis Essay

There have been many speculations about what the future holds for Dean Winchester and Castiel as the end of Supernatural approaches. For the past eleven years, the Destiel relationship has been explored, although it has unfortunately been used as a way to queerbait LGBTQ+ audiences. Despite the subtext and the countless romantic tropes present between these two characters, they have not yet been established as a canon relationship on the show. However, the fifteenth and final season has built a storyline centered around Destiel and the very likely chance that they will become canon ⁠— specifically in the ninth episode. In this essay I will focus primarily on the impact the Destiel relationship has had on Dean’s character development, and why I believe Dean will finally admit his feelings for Cas in 15x09.

Dean has never been known for being the best at expressing his feelings. He has said the words “I love you” only twice on the show (to my immediate knowledge), and both of these moments occurred in the much later seasons. In the season 12 finale, when confronting his mom, Dean’s “I love you” follows an emotional exclamation of the words “I hate you”. He hates his mom for leaving him and making his life miserable, but he loves her because he can’t help it. Meanwhile, in season 14, Dean tells Sam “I love you for trying” when Sam attempts to find a different solution to the Michael problem. We as viewers know Dean loves his little brother, but the fact that it took him fourteen seasons to admit those words out loud conveys how difficult it is for him to grasp the concept of love. However, back in season 8, a discarded version of the script for 8x17 has Dean saying “I love you” to Cas during the scene where Cas, brainwashed by Naomi, is beating Dean up. This would have been the first time on the show that Dean said these words to anyone; however, Jensen disagreed with that part of the script and had it changed. He knew his character well enough to realize that, at that point in Dean’s story, he was not ready to utter those three words to anyone. However, the fact that the writers even considered having Dean tell Cas he loves him is proof that Cas has been a primary factor in helping Dean realize that it’s okay to let his walls down and express his love for other people. Castiel has, in many ways, offered his own love to Dean over the years, a love that Dean hasn’t ever known. All his life, Dean has either been hurt or abandoned by the people he has admitted to loving. His mother, Mary, severely hurt him and left a wound that is still healing ⁠— yes, he loves her, but he explicitly stated that he hates her, too. We never heard Dean say he loves his father, though if he loves one emotionally toxic parent because he can’t help it, we can assume he loves John for the same reason. Meanwhile, Dean’s love for his brother is definitely strong ⁠— he’s made deals to bring him back from the dead, and so on ⁠— and while that love has been reciprocated, Sam has never loved him quite as much. In 5x16, Dean learns that Sam’s personal heaven was the day he left for Stanford, which was Dean’s own personal hell. Dean has always pulled countless strings to save Sam’s life, but when Dean was trapped in Purgatory in season 8, Sam didn’t even consider trying to find a way to bring him back. The list goes on. This isn’t to say that Sam doesn’t love his brother; it just further proves my point that Dean has never felt the same love from the people he gives it to ⁠— at least, not from his immediate family. Castiel is another story. Cas has shown love to Dean in many ways, ways that can easily be defined as healthy, pure, unconditional, etc. He “hunted, rebelled, and [he] did it, all of it, for [Dean]”; he refused to leave Dean when the Mark of Cain was turning him evil; he gave up an entire army for Dean; he always comes when Dean calls to help him in his time of need; he “gripped [him] tight and raised [him] from perdition”. The list goes on and on. The point I’m making here is that, while Dean’s character has slowly been developing in the sense that he’s learning to let himself love people, he always ends up getting hurt in the end. Cas was the one who never hurt him. This brings us, finally, to the premise of their relationship in season 15. Dean is holding a grudge against Cas and closed himself off, which ultimately drove Cas away in 15x03. However, when we watch Dean blame Cas for Mary’s death, I believe we’re only seeing the surface of what’s really going on Dean’s head. Jensen even addressed this at his panel with Misha at DCCon, when he stated that there will be an answer to the question of why Dean is treating Cas so horribly in 15x09. He says, “Dean has a moment by himself where he prays to Cas, and it’s a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he’s treating Cas the way he treated him.” This spoiler alone is loaded with so much material that hints towards Destiel becoming canon, and I will address all of it shortly.

As soon as season 15 premiered, you, me, and all the other fans of this show knew we’d be in for a wild ride. With Jack dying at the end of season 14 and Chuck unleashing an apocalypse of ghosts on the world, we all had a feeling that the plot would center around Sam and Dean fighting ghosts like old times ⁠— taking the show back to the basics, per say. This was a fear I had, especially when one of the first trailers for the season featured Dean saying to Sam, “You and me against every soul in Hell? I like those odds.” However, right off the bat, we see in 15x01 that the brotherly relationship is not intended to be the primary focus of the season. It’ll definitely be a huge aspect, as it always is, but there are many other themes that outweigh the brotherly relationship and are becoming much more present in the final season. All of these themes connect back to Destiel in one way or another. The first one is “Family don’t end in blood”, a memorable quote that originated from Dean’s father figure, Bobby. The most important people in Sam and Dean’s life so far do not share their blood, but the boys consider them family. As this essay is focused on analyzing Dean’s character, I’m going to mention a few family members who don’t end in blood for Dean, specifically. The first is Bobby, of course, who is still a primary father figure in his life, despite being deceased since season 7. The second is Jody, who is the most maternal figure in Dean’s life and was once referred to as Dean’s mom over Mary. Another is Charlie, who was extremely important to Dean and, as he said, “the sister [he] never wanted” (jokingly, of course). Seasons 12 through 14 partly stripped away the “family don’t end in blood theme”, especially with Mary returning and the episode where Dean got to have closure with John. At the same time, Jack became like a son to Dean. Dean even says “he was our kid” when referencing Jack after his death in 15x01. So, even though Supernatural seemed to forget about “family don’t end in blood” for a while, it seems like the writers are returning to that theme in season 15. Cas, of course, is a huge part of this. He leaves in 15x03 because Sam and Dean “have each other”. This is heartbreaking to hear Cas say because, despite everything, Dean has always made it a point to tell Cas that he’s family (some of the prime examples being 8x17 and 11x23). However, it’s interesting to note that Dean forgave Jack at the end of season 14 for killing Mary, because he considers Jack family; meanwhile, Dean is still holding a grudge against Cas, even though Cas wasn’t the one who killed her. Not to mention Dean only knew Jack for a couple of years, while he’s known Cas for eleven ⁠— and still, for some reason, what Cas did was unforgivable. It’s extremely difficult from an audience viewpoint to understand why Dean is so unwilling to forgive Cas after everything they’ve been through, even though we know he considers Cas family. And that’s just the thing. Cas is more than family. That’s why Dean is closing himself off, because after everything revealed at the end of season 14, it’s easier for him to stay angry with Cas, the man he loves, than to face the truth that Chuck made known to them: “Nothing about [their] lives is real.” The “we are” scene in 15x02 clarified Dean’s fears about the Chuck situation. He believes nothing about his life has ever mattered, because Chuck designed every aspect of his life. Why, then, is he only choosing to project this anger onto Cas? Dean believes the fact that he saves people for a living doesn’t matter, yet he’s still saving them; he’s still fighting the good fight. He probably believes Rowena’s sacrifice doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, yet he mourns her death and feels terrible after she dies. Despite feeling this way, he still shows kindness to Sam, to Rowena, to Ketch ⁠— to everyone but Cas. The only reason for this that makes sense to me is the heartbrokenness Dean feels upon realizing that he and Cas were never real. He can bear the thought of his relationship with his brother being fake all along, but when it comes to Cas? The angel who pulled him out of Hell and the only one who has ever shown him what love truly looks like? If none of that was ever real, I can imagine why Dean feels the way he does. That doesn’t validate the way he’s treating Cas by any means, but knowing Dean, I understand. This man has always been closed off. When he finally opens himself up to the possibility of love thanks to Cas, only to have a fear instilled in him that none of it ever mattered, I understand how terrifying and heart-wrenching that is for him. I understand why it’d be easier for him to be angry at Cas and to push him away. And he wouldn’t do this if he just saw Cas as his brother ⁠— because he’s not even pushing his own brother away, and we know how close Sam and Dean are. No, he’s pushing Cas away because Cas matters to him in a way that is unparalleled. 

Three episodes into season 15 and the writers are already focusing on the Destiel “breakup” as the primary conflict. Every episode so far we’ve had some kind of interaction or comment that has increased the tension between them. The “we are” scene is a prime example, as is the final scene of 15x03, of course, but there are other moments as well. In 15x03, when Dean volunteers Cas to go to Hell with Belphegor, he subtly mentions that Cas has “been there before”. This moment was small and fleeting, but there’s no way the writers didn’t include it on purpose. Cas going to Hell to rescue Dean was the catalyst for their relationship. It’s where everything started. It’s a pivotal moment in Dean’s life that I’m sure he holds extremely close to his heart. Now that Chuck’s control over their lives has been revealed, Dean is probably thinking that Cas rescuing him from Hell never mattered, either. But it did matter, and that’s what Dean has to learn. And he will learn, because the second major theme of season 15 is going to focus on free will. I wholeheartedly believe this ⁠— it was even mentioned at Comic Con 2019. (This is also why I disagree with the fan theories that the Supernatural finale will mirror Swan Song, but that’s an entirely different essay.) Dean is going to learn that the relationship he built with Cas was a product of their own choices. When Cas said “we’re making it up as we go” in regards to him and Dean, he meant it. It will take him some time, but Dean’s going to see that he and Cas do matter and they are real. He’s going to pray to Cas in 15x09, which is a sign of his faith in Cas, not God. It’s a sign of faith in the angel who believes in free will just as much as he does, rather than a sign of faith in the god controlling their lives. The prayer alone can heavily be identified as a romantic trope, especially since Dean always prayed to Cas in the past. Cas was the one who taught him faith. Not faith in God, but faith in him. Faith that Cas would always come when Dean called and that he would always be there to pour love into Dean’s life. But a simple prayer isn’t going to be enough, and we all know this. This is where a spoiler released by Misha Collins comes in. Misha said, and I quote, “I think their current relationship is precarious, and it’ll take something really big happening to heal their divide.” Something really big. Knowing what we know about Dean, what is something really big going to look like? I’ve already restated Jensen’s own words that Dean’s prayer is going to be a confession, and to confess means to “admit or acknowledge something reluctantly, typically because one feels ashamed or embarrassed”. We know Dean feels ashamed about pushing Cas away, but why did he push Cas away? He’s going to have to tell Cas the full truth, otherwise Cas is not going to come back. He’s moved on; he’s tired of being treated like a punching bag, like he doesn’t matter. Sure, he’s been told by Dean that he’s “their brother”, but even that wasn’t enough to get him to stay when everything started falling apart. We know Cas loves Dean in a different way, a very special way. He knows he and Dean “share a more profound bond”; he was willing to risk everything for Dean. I’m sure he knows Dean feels the same way, but our poor hunter is going to have to admit that out loud if he wants his angel back. In 15x09, I believe Dean will confess to Cas that he pushed him away because he loves him. He’s going to admit that he loves him differently than Sam or Jack or any other member of his family, and that’s why it was harder to accept that he and Cas may never have been real. Hopefully, by 15x09, Dean will try to assure himself that they are real; that, or he will ask Cas to come back, because even if they’re not real, he would rather pretend that they are. I think he will tell Cas in his prayer that he wants to continue writing their own story. Back in season 4, Dean taught Cas how important it was to have free will; in 15x02, this was paralleled by Cas in the “we are” scene. I think it will all come full circle in 15x09, and Dean will realize that the story of him and Cas is beautiful, it’s not controlled by anyone else, and it’s theirs. Tears will form in Dean’s eyes, he’ll bow his head, and admit to Cas that he loves him. Not as a friend or a brother, but as someone he wants to be with in a romantic way. Because for the past 15 seasons, all signs have pointed to a romantic relationship between these two. Season 15 is already focusing heavily on a breakup storyline. And if Misha said it’s going to take something really big to patch things up, then Dean finally admitting his romantic feelings for Cas is the only thing that makes sense to me.

[unoringunalnotme]

As I sit here on my maiden Mary blanket celebrating the whore that she was, I'm seeing a confusing amount of love hate about Destiel. Now how they did it, I do not approve of. That they did it now, I do not approve of. But they did it. And that means the love I saw in them 14 years ago was real. That means the beauty I saw in loving people was real. That we could save the world if only we love each other more than ourselves. Younger me, one not tormented by 2020 would be so happy that it was said at all. Cas' speech was heartwarming and it moved me to tears and the reactions were all to character. Killing him before a true exploration of the new dynamic was as homophobic as killing Charlie. Love is meant to save and what that scene taught out right was that being in love with the same sex sends you to mega hell. It was smart and well stratigized to fit both writers styles and visions. But im heartbroken again and again by the fact that I couldn't see myself as valid until I looked away from the show. I couldn't see the love I had for others as anything more than imagined undertones. The actors tried and I know they did, but the channel didn't and so I couldn't show my family who I am. 4 years ago, 3,2 hell even 1 season ago a love confession would have been the absolute best thing for the show and the characters and the majority of the audience. 2020 said here this might as well happen, and now this is nothing more than a meme to casuals and even some die hards like myself. I believed in this show to let me be okay even when the world was ending because these boys were gonna save me. Now the world is ending and so is my time with them and so is the hope of being saved by anything. Now love will bring me happiness and death worse than death. And love will break my heart before I get the chance to share it. God, Chuck, whoever you want to blame for making the world hate the LGBTQ+ community until 10 years ago, and making me and so many others afraid of ourselves, can go fuck themselves. Right now it is finally seen as human again and SPN said in the ass with it and killed all of the proof we had that it is human to love, that it will fell angels and cure demons. We loved and They sent us all to hell anyway. So it is good and it is bad and I love it, I needed it. One more right way to show love and show humanity, even if the millions of ways to destroy are so much more visible.

So fuck 2020 and long live Destiel because I can finally love without them and know they can love with me.

[offbeatpride61]

My Perfect Supernatural Ending

Okay. So, like most of the fandom, I was not satisfied with the series finale. I am not going to get into what Jensen, Misha, and Jared said or what the rest of the cast said. This is purely what I would have liked to have seen. I think I also need to state that COVID has probably made things difficult for the ending and that’s partially why something happened in the ending and other things didn’t (that doesn’t excuse shitty writing though). BUT I am not taking COVID into account with my personal headcanon/rewrite/whatever of the ending I was hoping for. Also, I am not a very active member of the fandom; I like and reblog some posts, talk to friends about it, but that is usually the limit of what I do, but I really wanted to share this because Supernatural has been a big part of my life.

TLDR, here are my two cents on how I would have liked things to have gone. 

So pretty much everything that happens in 15x18 stays the same. Jack blows up in the Empty and returns, everyone besides the boys gets Thanos-snapped, and Cas confesses his love for Dean and gets taken by the Empty to save Dean from Billie. Dean still is in emotional shock before he can say anything back to Cas before he’s gone. The whole gig still happens. 

The next episode, 15x19, pretty much stays the same. Dean, Sam, and Jack meet up, Dean finds the dog, the dog gets dusted, we know the drill. At the same time as this, Cas and Billie are together in the empty, because they got brought in together. Billie still has the scythe and even inside the empty, she is slowly beginning to die and degrade. Cas tries calling out inside the Empty, but nothing happens, they are just greeted with silence. With Billie beginning to crumble away, she laughs and tells Cas that, “this was all part of the plan.” Or something like that. She begins to tell Cas about what she read that was so interesting, but we the audience are taken away before we can hear her speak. 

The rest continues on as shown in the episode, they meet Michale, Dean gets a phone call from Cas, Lucifer shows up, Lucifer dies. The trio along with Michale perform the spell and Michael still pleads for his life, and predictably still ends up dying. The brothers go with their ultimate plan to use Jack and his absorption of power to beat Chuck. Here, however, it’s not enough. Jack is only able to wound Chuck before he is blasted away. The group is heartbroken, this was their big last-ditch effort and it didn’t work. Chuck begins his monologue of douchery about how he had won and there’s nothing left that they can do. The sky begins to change, lightning crackles, clouds darken but at the same time remain a bright white. Chuck, in his narcissistic rant, doesn’t notice. The boys begin taking steps back, thinking this is Chucks doing. When suddenly, Chuck stops, looks up, and is immediately greeted with a blast of power from the sky. He is being smited by heaven. 

Here, Jack is able to shield Sam and Dean with what remaining power he has. The light gives way, Chuck is there and still standing, but not as proudly as before. It’s obvious that blast has done something, though nowhere near enough to mortally wound him. Everyone present is confused, staring in bewilderment at one another. Chuck looks up in disbelief, stating that heaven should be empty of angels. Smoke begins to appear in streaks across the sky; Demons are here. Parallel to the fight against Amara, Demons begin to attack Chuck. They aren’t doing much, taking potshots when they can. Finally, Chuck has had enough and blasts everything away. Sam, Dean, and Jack are blown backward a couple of feet. Both Sam and Chuck ask what is going on. Demons still circle the area, but at a distance. Heaven rumbles above them. 

Chuck demands to know what is going on, what have the Winchesters done this time. The boys are just as confused. Then, at the shore, all four of them see it at the same time. A black mass, no bigger than a car is hovering there. It’s the Empty. Suddenly, more back masses begin to appear all around. After a few seconds of silence, nobody moves. Then the pieces of the Empty begin to reach out (much like how it reached how to take Billie and Cas), but it is not taking anyone or anything. The appendages reaching out slowly begin to take on human forms. Then we see, the Empty is bringing out every Angel and Demon that ever died. The realization begins to hit everyone, this is how Heaven was able to bring together its power and how the Demons could coordinate and attack. Dean begins to look around, then he sees Cas emerge from a portion of the Empty. Castiel looks the same, but now either his tie or trench coat is black, and he is wielding Death’s Scythe. Castiel is now the Angel of Death. 

 Everyone’s fan-favorite Angels and Demons are back. Crowley is there with an entourage of other Demons and Rowena. Actual Meg is back and looking around along with Ruby. Uriel is back and leading a group of Angels. Of course, all of the Archangels are back and are ready to fight. (Here I was thinking that Michael and Gabriel maybe convinced Lucifer that their dad wasn’t going to let them live even if they helped him, especially after Michael got dusted.) Here I won’t get into much detail, mostly because I don’t know how to write an action scene. It really boils down to that Heaven and Hell are working together to stop Chuck. It’s a chaotic battle, Angels and Demons are dying left and right, everyone is doing their best to end Chuck’s tyranny. Sam, Dean, and Jack are doing their best to remain out of the crossfire and not die. Through the chaos, Sam sees Azazel wink at him before he’s lost in the shuffle. 

Castiel reaches his new family’s side. Cas briefly explains what’s going on, that Empty released them because through a combination of Jack’s explosion and Billie handing her power to Castiel, they were able to make quite some noise and wake up everyone in the Empty. This causes even more noise, so the Empty can’t sleep, and expels all that are awake. The fight continues, but cuts to Jack as he begins to absorb power from the conflict. The ending here is much the same, in that Jack is then able to finally absorb all of Chuck’s power because he was weakened by the onslaught of Angels and Demons. A lot of Demons and Angels are dead, but the main cast is still alive. The Winchesters tell Chuck that he is going to live out the rest of his life as a human and die; no one will remember him. Here I would add that a final completion to Castiel’s arc of being a soldier that only follows his father’s command (much like Dean) to a being with free will. Cas would tell Chuck that it was said that “one day Death will reap God” and that it will be Castiel waiting for him. 

At this point I’m not quite sure what to do with the now revived Angels and Demons, like Azazel. I came up with two options. The first one being, Jack does right be the Winchesters and gets rid of Azazel and the like to honor what the Winchesters did in the past and puts Lucifer back into the cage. The second option being Jack lets all the remaining Angels and Demons go free to have their own free will, which I like, but that then brings up the problem of the Winchesters not being able to settle down and they have to continue hunting all the bad that was brought back. Or maybe Lucifer decides not to be a dick and work with his brothers in Heaven. Regardless of which option, Jack brings back all life on Earth that was dusted just like the show. Amara is able to become her own being again, but works with Jack in harmony. Sam is reunited with Eileen and they have a heartfelt reunion. Cas and Dean have their moment and Dean is finally able to say “I love you” back. The group are also reunited with everyone from the Apocalypse World. 

The group would head back to the Bunker, Jack included. Jack would do his speech of being handsfree and finally letting humanity and the world have free will. The group would celebrate and have a nice dinner. Going along with everyone left alive after the final battle (option 2) scenario, the boys begin to wonder what to do next. Do they continue hunting or not? Eventually they would say that they deserve to have a life outside of the one that was preordained for them. They leave the hunting to the next generation, but are willing to help with information and research, they are Men of Letters after all. 

There would be a little bit of a time jump, Sam and Eileen are able to have their white picket fence lives that they deserve. They would have some kids, Sam probably went to Stanford and is actually a lawyer now. He is able to have his happy ending with his brother still in his life. Dean and Cas stay at the Bunker, making it their permanent home. Dean becomes a mechanic for a shop in the area, Cas staying by his side (though invisible to everyone else). Dean adopts Miracle the Dog and Cas occasionally allows the dog to ride shotgun. Cas adopts a cat and starts a vegetable garden (in contrast to his new position as Death). Dean and Cas have their own white picket fence life with the occasional dip into the pool of hunting. Not to mention Cas’ new responsibilities. Jack would visit both households, and the entire group would come together on special occasions like birthdays and holidays. 

Eventually the brothers get old and pass on after living their lives how they wanted. Not sure which brother dies first, maybe Dean, but the brothers are reunited in Heaven. Jack watches over them and Castiel joins them when he is able to (which is most of the time tbh). The brothers are reunited with their mom and dad (they are acting like specially before the death of Mary, basically John isn’t an abuser). Bobby is there too along with all their friends whose lives ended too soon. The final scene of the series ends with a “you, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching hawaiian shirts, obviously.” They can rest and relax, because they earned it.

[remnantswebserial]

Read ahead on the main site   -or-    read from the beginning.

Ruadhan’s office was the same as always. Stark, austere. In natural sunlight it just looked like a clean and orderly office, but with lantern light flicking dark shadows across the walls and ceiling, it felt ominous. Kiol was annoyed at himself. How often had he stood here in the middle of the night? He had never been bothered before.

“You’re later than usual. Was there a problem?” Ruadhan asked. Kiol shook his head.

“It is done. Suicide. Stabbed neck and heart.”

“Heart?” Ruadhan’s eyebrows rose. “That is unlike you.”

Kiol stared hard at him, examining his face, his body. He had convinced himself that he had just forgotten what Ruadhan looked like, had remembered him younger than he truly looked. But no. His face was smooth, only a few, faint wrinkles that any adult had. He did not look over thirty.

“He had a short sword,” Kiol said as way of explanation. No need to mention that he hadn’t attacked with it. He watched Ruadhan’s face not just for age, but for emotion. Any hint of regret that a friend was dead. But there was nothing. Of course there wasn’t. It was Ruadhan.

Ruadhan narrowed his eyes. “Sloppy is unlike you, too.” Years ago that would have felt like a harsh criticism, but Kiol had long since fallen out of his favor and knew it, and so the disappointed comments did not hurt much. Could never hurt as much as the rejection and isolation did before he became used to it.

“Well, we will see,” Ruadhan concluded, and waved his hand. Kiol walked out.

He stuffed the stolen scroll under his pillow right before his head hit the top, and he fell into deep sleep.

When he woke it was long past breakfast. He rolled over and blearily rubbed his eyes, then remembered. He shot upright, grabbing his pillow, and the scroll was still there. He read it over again. Maybe you should start... If you can question…

If you can question. If. A simple phrasing made him see red. He crumpled the paper and chucked it at the floor. Why did he read it like it was from those dark eyes? “Can you free them? If they aren’t already dead.” He leaned over his knees and gripped his head. He had tried for days, long after the trail vanished, to follow it further into the woods, to find out who had taken Nirin and where, but it was fruitless and he had given up. At the time stopping had seemed the only option, because it was obvious he wouldn’t get anywhere, but now almost three weeks later he was pissed at himself. Before he had at least known where the trail went cold, he could have searched the vicinity more, had a slight chance of finding some other clue; he had had options but he told himself he didn’t! And now he really didn’t.

He grit his teeth and closed his eyes. The other option, the option he always chose before, was to not care and not think about it. And he had tried. But he couldn’t do it this time. And that pissed him off, too. Who exactly was that stupid kid to have this affect on him?

He got dressed, then snatched the scroll from the ground and stuffed it into his vest. It was too late for breakfast but too early for mid-day, so he went to the common hall. When he was noticed, everyone inside stopped and looked at him. It was a place for socializing and chatting, with tables of various strategy games and a big hearth that warmed up the room on cold autumn mornings exactly like this one. Naturally it wasn’t a place Kiol went often. Or ever.

He sat down at a game of Sword Six and looked around the room. “Is no one going to play?” he asked. The dozen or so soldiers there all looked at each other. After a drawn out moment, one of them stepped forward. The dangling gems from his rope belt were square and purple, marking him an intermediate. No one Kiol particularly recognized, but there was no doubt all intermediate soldiers knew him.

The man sat and tidied the board, pushing all the rounded square pieces to their proper locations. Then he drew a card. Kiol did the same.

The paper was old and the painted image faded, but it was obvious enough what it was. A woman laying face-up on the ground, watching the clouds above, though the clouds were little more than streaks of blue anymore. Kiol examined the runes carved into the pieces before him. The card only allowed him to move a common one. He did so. His opponent moved another common, they set their cards face-down and each drew another.

Five turns in and Kiol had only drawn commoners. What bad luck. His opponent took his move, and for the third time, moved a rare. The chances of drawing three aristocrats or higher in a row was unlikely.

“Call,” Kiol said. His opponent’s eyebrows slid up, but he nodded. Kiol showed his commoner. His opponent rested his card down. An image of a darkened, contorted figure, seemingly in the throws of anguish, was painted on its surface. A cursed. Kiol really had bad luck. He took two commons off the board. But still, a cursed did not allow a move at all, and so his opponent had to take his piece off the board too. But one was still better than two lost pieces.

Everyone else in the room had gathered around the table, though a distance away, to watch. Kiol saw their lips moving, but when he glanced their way they quickly shut their mouths and he could not know what they said. It wasn’t until someone directly behind his opponent spoke that he could read.

“Ah, he’s not good at such games, who would have thought.”

He lowered his eyes back to the board and the aristocrat he had finally drawn, and moved a rare. He was close to one of his opponent’s rares. He saw the man’s mouth move and didn’t catch what he said, but there was only one thing he could have said. Kiol bit back an annoyed sigh and gave a nod, and the man showed his hand. A soldier with his sword proudly held aloft. A card that could move only commons, but beat every card except a cursed. Kiol dropped his aristocrat down onto the table and took his rare piece off the board.

The turns continued and slowly all of Kiol’s pieces were either captured or forced off the board. When he had none left, his opponent still had thirteen—he had only lost three.

Kiol didn’t need to read lips to know the surrounding audience were making remarks. “Wow, someone like him, so bad at this game.” “Who was intimidated by him? Hahaha…”

He gave a nod to his opponent and stood. The talkers all shut their mouths and moved back, making way for him, and he calmly walked from the room.

The food hall was just setting out the options. He grabbed a tray, loaded it, and took a seat. It was not long before others came and the place filled, but no one took a seat anywhere near Kiol, leaving him at the end of the long table. Halfway through his meal, two presences came beside him and didn’t continue on. He cast them a glance, gripping his chopsticks harder on instinct. The twins from before stood by his end of the table.

When he looked at them they seemed to take that as permission and they sat across from his seat. He eyed them, thoroughly annoyed.

“You don’t usually eat in the hall,” one of them said. Wearing the same training garb, with the exact same sharp features and light brown hair pulled back into buns, it was impossible to tell which was which. Not that Kiol knew either of them in the first place.

He continued eating without responding. They glanced at each other, and one cautiously picked up her utensils and began eating small bites. The other shrugged.

“Just, no one usually sits down here with us.”

He stopped with his food almost to his mouth. So, it was like that. Here he was thinking they were encroaching on his personal space, when he was the one who had taken their seats. He put his food back down on the tray and stood. The same soldier held out a hand as though to stop him, though she didn’t dare touch him. “No, really, it’s okay. You can sit.”

The other glanced up shyly. “We can be the ones to move,” she said. Her sister elbowed her and she raised her shoulders, giving a look back.

Kiol looked blandly between the two of them, then sat again. “S’fine,” he muttered, and continued eating. Really, the reason he was eating in here was because all the movement and commotion was a distraction, and that was all he wanted. To not think about that boy. To not think about that portrait. Not think about Ruadhan.

They ate in silence for a good while. Just as he was about finished, one of them spoke again and he looked up, only catching the tail end of what she said and so without context unable to understand at all. They were watching him expectantly. He just stared back.

“For yesterday.”

He continued staring. They looked at each other and the more talkative one seemed like she was trying to mentally nudge the other with her eyebrows. The shy one turned to him with a forced smile.

“I can make charms. I’m quite good at it.” He narrowed his eyes. Charms were made by disciples, not soldiers, and certainly not by a twin. And was she offering to make some for him? How stupid.

Supposedly, charms were calls to Creator. Charms that she alone heard and blessed from wherever she was hiding, bestowing her love and mercy upon her children even as she was too heartbroken to face them. If a charm didn’t work it was because the disciple was not faithful enough, or because Creator deemed the holder unworthy of whatever was asked. That Creator was simply not there was never a conclusion.

Of course, Kiol knew that Creator was in a prison of her own making and couldn’t do anything, let alone bless some hundreds of charms made every day.

“No thanks,” he said. He picked up his tray and walked off.

He dressed himself in the one civilian outfit he owned, still muted colors of cream and brown, and went into the city. He wandered the quieter streets near the temple for a bit before making up his mind to go to the market district. He hated the market district. There were shops in quieter parts of the city that sold anything he could need; the market district was like a free-for-all of vendors. Not just stores but carts lined the streets, buskers took up any extra space, and there was always a crowd pushing against each other from every which way. The senses were bombarded with every type of color, texture, shape, or smell imaginable. Kiol could well remember the nonstop ruckus too, and could almost hear the echoes of it in his ears as he wandered.

He shoved through the crowded and twisted streets with no destination in mind. His annoyance took up most of his attention and in that way somehow he was happy.

There was a particularly large crowd at one end of a street, but surprisingly they weren’t all jostling each other. They stood watching something against the wall, and Kiol saw them leaning in to talk to each other, meaning they didn’t even want to raise their voices. And something was drawing even more people over. From the looks of it, Kiol thought it was something they were hearing, but even he felt a strange pull to this type of crowd that he would normally avoid under any circumstance.

He stepped up and did what no one else dared to, shoving through the people to get further in and see.

Sitting cross-legged on a straw mat, eyes closed, elegant fingers dancing across a bamboo flute—the picture of serenity—was Nirin.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 6 “So That’s How It Is”

This is a re-posting from Nov. 17th, 2018 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks! 

Real talk: that episode was 100% not what I wanted to see and honestly not what I thought we’d be getting after the tone of “The Lost Fable.” Yet here we are.

We start off with the gang having just finished Jinn’s vision, which surprised me a little bit. RT tends to delay gratification—Want to know how people will react to this plot point? If that person survived? Gotta wait a while longer!—so I was expecting to begin with the villains, if not push this confrontation an entire episode. Yet we kick things off with a voice over from Yang, highlighting the exact part of the story we knew she’d hyper-focus on:

Yang: “Salem can’t be killed. You all heard her too right?”

And we’re immediately back to where we were emotionally in episode two—which frankly drives me a little nuts. The entire purpose of getting glimpses of the team throughout the vision was to see their reactions to the events: Qrow lifting a hand towards Ozma, Ruby looking ill at Salem trying to kill herself, Blake and Weiss heartbroken over Salem’s grief, Yang horrified at what the gods were doing to them. On the one hand I agree that it’s incredibly realistic to have them lashing out like this. Put a bunch of teenagers through that much trauma, chuck a now fallible mentor at their feet, and they’ve got themselves a scapegoat they can’t resist. On the other hand, Team RWBY + co. has been portrayed as staggeringly better than this in the past, so it rings as at least a little false to me that they’d go this far. Not that they wouldn’t be angry, but that out of the six of them—including Oscar now—there’s not a glimmer of empathy alongside the anger. I understand entirely that we ended on the worst note possible (more manipulation by Jinn), but that doesn’t erase the fact that this is a) a large group of b) incredibly compassionate people who c) just spent 99% of that vision witnessing traumatizing events that weren’t Ozpin’s fault and feeling for him then. Bypassing one moment of sympathy for him or even hesitation at cutting him further feels less like realistic teenage fury and more like the writers deciding to ignore a large chunk of their characterization for the sake of drama.

Because what they witnessed aside, this is still Ozpin. He’s still the headmaster/friend they adored, still the man who taught them in Haven, still the huntsmen they fought beside in one of their worst battles to date. And here he is now after having his entire past ripped from him, back on his knees and crying. That’s an image that the protectors in them shouldn’t be able to brush aside so easily, especially when each of them has been through a piece of Ozpin's existence. Weiss knows what it’s like to have people more powerful than you pulling the strings. Yang understands anger that drives you to choices you’ll later regret. Blake has already fought against unimaginable odds (see: Oobleck’s lecture about how she wants to change the world but has no idea how to do it yet. That’s Ozpin). Ruby is familiar with being the eternal outsider—“I don’t want to be the bee’s knees! I just want to be a normal girl, with normal knees”—and Qrow, as he’ll mention in a moment, knows what it’s like to have nothing and no one. Ozpin was there for him then, but he won’t do the same for Ozpin now.

Let them have their anger, but let them act like themselves too.

Yang: “There was so much you hadn’t told us! How could you think that was okay?”

Yang in particular has a lot of displaced rage. She has since she was a kid and now Ozpin has become a very easy target to direct all that towards. Still, it doesn’t change how mind-numbingly frustrating it is to see these kids twisting every piece of information that comes their way. How could he think that was okay? Ozpin already gave you his answer. He said straight out that he doesn’t want to reveal all his secrets because the last two times he did that (Raven and Lionheart) he was betrayed and, presumably, that’s happened numerous times before. Yang insists that he can tell them his secrets. They’ll stand by him! But oh look, they wrenched the secrets from Ozpin forcibly and now they're not standing by him.

The girls are liars and hypocrites in this moment. Like I get it, they're also traumatized teenagers, but that doesn't change the fact that they're pulling the same shit Ozpin is currently getting all the flack for.  

I’ve mentioned before that there are a hundred reasons why Jinn’s answer to that question is complete BS. Even ignoring our audience-knowledge of how jinns tend to operate, we have the in-canon fact that she can’t answer anything about the future. Her answer regarding Salem's defeat is null and void in light of not knowing how the situation might change—how can she possibly say that Ozpin or another will never win? But even ignoring that too we have the additional fact that defeating Salem never was and never will be the true goal. Uniting humanity is. Keeping people safe from the grimm is. These are things everyone agreed to long before they even knew who Salem was. What? Did Team RWBY think they were going to wipe out the grimm in their lifetime? That they’d drive creatures to extinction that, as far as they know, have existed since the dawn of time? No. They were just planning to make the world a better place for as long as they could. They’d already agreed to a fight against an “impossible” to beat enemy. Fundamentally nothing has changed.

Yet Ozpin understands that suddenly learning that a Big Bad is immortal knocks a huge dent in everyone’s hope. He knows—largely from experience—that laying out the situation with no context or nuance (as Jinn did) will make people give up. And we already see it happening, not just in their reaction towards Ozpin, but in casual lines like Blake’s, “I just want to get this stupid relic to Atlas.” No doubt one of Ozpin’s greatest fears is that learning the truth will alienate people from fighting at all. It did for Raven. It did for Lionheart. And now it’s doing the same for the girls, with them acting like they just want to get the powerful relic out of their hands and then leave Ozpin to fight this war by himself. Though I don’t actually think the girls will give up (that would be a very different kind of story), that line is not reassuring right now and just re-emphasizes that Ozpin was right to be wary.

We also see it in Qrow’s exchange with Ozpin:

Qrow: “No one wanted me. I was cursed. I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world. I thought I was finally doing some good.”

Ozpin: “But you are—”

Qrow: “Meeting you was the worst luck of my life.”

No one is letting Ozpin finish. Yang demands to know why he kept his secrets and then cuts him off before he gets out more than an “I—”. They let him admit that he doesn’t have a plan, but no space to explain any context surrounding that statement. Here Ozpin tries to tell Qrow that he is doing good, he does have a place in this world, the existence of Salem does not suddenly negate everything else they’ve accomplished… but Qrow doesn’t let him get that far. At this point they’re not interested in listening to anything Ozpin has to say. This isn’t a conversation anymore, it’s an emotional witch hunt.

So is it any surprise that Ozpin eventually nopes out of there? Qrow has just punched him and, far more damaging, delivered that gut-wrenching line about how he’s the worst thing that ever happened to him. Again, context always matters. Two friends fighting and saying cruel things to one another? Not great, but survivable. Ozpin and Qrow aren’t just two friends though. Qrow is currently Ozpin’s only friend.

Let’s recap: His children are dead, his first host is dead, the original version of humanity that he knew? All dead. Who Ozma once was is gone, the gods he knew abandoned him, and the one remaining tie he has to his past is his genocidal ex-wife who’s hell-bent on killing him. Every host Ozpin has had since then has passed away or merged with him in some horrific amalgamation. His friends at Beacon are either out of reach or don’t know about his reincarnation trick and think he’s dead too. Raven sided with Salem over him. Lionheart, a friend for decades, sided with Salem over him. The children he’s traveling with are out for his blood, including the child he’s forced to share a body with. The one person he had left was Qrow… and Qrow just gave the biggest “fuck you” possible. Keep in mind the abuse coding from last episode and fill in the blanks of a couple thousand years. Then Ozpin told Salem the truth and was murdered along with his children. Now the truth comes out and he’s chucked into a tree and screamed at. Ozpin has been conditioned to expect nothing but violence when he bares himself emotionally… and people keep proving him right. He’s currently the lowest he's been in decades and there’s no one here to help pick him back up.

“Maybe you’re right," he says. Maybe I am the worst thing that’s ever happened to you all… so I’ll leave. As much as I’m able to, anyway.

The real kicker though? That’s just met with more anger. “That bastard!” Yang yells. “Tell him we’re not done yet!” Ozpin quite literally can’t do anything right in their eyes. Keep secrets to protect people? You’re evil. Spill secrets? You’re evil. Stick around to defend yourself? How dare you. Leave because you’re obviously not wanted? How dare you.

And you know what I just realized? At least one of the reasons why this arc feels so extreme to me? Because our characters are currently acting exactly like a large portion of the fanbase. For years RWBY viewers have demonized Ozpin and complained every time he came on screen, waiting for the day when the show would finally prove that he’s irredeemable trash. Except when that day came we actually learned that he’s a flawed, mortal man who was manipulated by a bunch of dick gods. Instead of acknowledging that hey, maybe we were wrong about his character, a huge portion of the fanbase has spent the last week grasping at straws in order to continue hating him. Ozpin has been sacrificing child soldiers to his war for millennia. (False). Ozpin has done nothing but lie to the cast since day one. (False). Ozpin raped Salem during his first reincarnation and was super abusive towards her. (False??)

Now we have this kind of mangled “justification” made canonical. Fans and characters alike are currently determined to make Ozpin their antagonist—no matter what.  

So Ozpin basically has a panic attack while still trying to give them what they supposedly want: a world where he’s not around to mess things up. Yet the girls’ hypocrisy is revealed once more. They despise every decision Ozpin makes… but still want him calling all the shots.

Weiss: “He just left us?”

Blake: “What are we going to do now?”

Newsflash, you can’t have it both ways. Lucky for them (since no one is willing to take on the responsibility that Ozpin has been shouldering) Maria steps up and announces that they need to put off this conversation until they’ve found someplace safe. Because grimm. Which is what they should have done in the first place and would have if Yang hadn’t thrown a temper tantrum. She starts yelling at Maria too—“Lady, I don’t know who you think you are”—which just further demonstrates how Yang is willing to take her anger out on anyone and anything that crosses her path. It’s not healthy. It’s certainly not fair to those around her and I really hope someone addresses this soon.

Maria: “I’m still coming to terms with the fact that this is Humanity’s second time around!”

You tell ‘em! Poor Maria was thrown into the deep end of the pool with no life preserver and she’s the only one managing to keep a level head. God bless this woman.

(Please don’t be evil, oh please don’t be evil.)

Maria: “If we don’t move we die and I’ll be damned if I’ve lived this long just to die out in the cold!”

And how long is that exactly? Long enough to have lived through the Great War? Inquiring minds want to know…

Ruby agrees though—beginning to segue back into her role as compassionate leader—and at her word everyone packs up the rest of their stuff and heads on out of that awful spot. Salt and burn the earth, girls. Leave it behind.

Except just when I think the emotional punches are through we get this horrible moment between Oscar and Qrow. Oscar tells Ruby, in an intimate moment of confidence, that he’s afraid he’s just going to be another life of Ozpin’s. Ruby immediately showed compassion again once Oscar switched back (reaching for him when he winced from the punch) and here she’s her old self again, reassuring him that no, he’ll always be his own person. That's the Ruby we love.

Then Qrow breezes by and denies it. “Don’t lie to him,” he says. “We’re better than that.”

Wow.

That was not okay. By any stretch of the imagination. Goddammit, Qrow, you’re the adult here and honestly I don’t give a damn how much you’re hurting right now, that doesn’t give you the right to take your anger out on an innocent kid. Oscar didn’t ask for this and the idea that he exists only to be Ozpin’s host is just blatantly untrue. You’re being cruel to him for cruelty’s sake which, I’d like to point out, we’ve yet to see Ozpin do. Despite all the trauma he’s suffered, he’s never taken his grief out on the children around him like that. He’s also never claimed to be above lying as Qrow just did. With the point being only that this group is making a LOT of mistakes right now while refusing to allow Ozpin his own.

With that lovely piece of advice we turn to the villains… which frankly felt like some much needed breathing room after “The Lost Fable” and these last five minutes. The fact that the villains’ plot-line is taking place in the past means that nothing revealed to them is news to the audience. Cinder’s alive? We knew that. Ozpin reincarnated? Obviously knew that too. The focus is instead on how they react to this information… and it turns out the answer is “Pretty damn violently.”

Before that though we see Hazel, Emerald, and Mercury arriving back at Salem’s palace (the same one that she and Oz once lived in together). I’ve already come across jokes about how Hazel is now the dad of the group, and while obviously this is just meant as a silly acknowledgement of some really flimsy compassion we see from him, Emerald does look to Hazel when she gets off the ship, clearly seeking reassurance after Cinder’s (presumed) death.

Tyrian is waiting to greet them and he’s his usual, creepy self—minus half a tail. Really though, he seems to have recovered quickly from Salem’s wrath last volume. He taunts Emerald about Cinder and when she threatens him he just cuts himself on her blade. Not gonna lie, I love Tyrian more and more as the series goes on. He’s the wild card of the group and as such remains endlessly entertaining.

Mercury is supportive of Emerald, helping her calm down a bit in the face of Tyrian’s taunts, and really all of this is a nice contrast to what we’re getting with Team RWBY: the villains are supporting one another while our heroes tear each other down. Remember all those references to how Salem’s victory will be in dividing humanity? Yeeeaah.

She’s obviously displeased with the report. Hazel tries to take responsibility for the defeat and, uh, this happens:

Look familiar? I’m getting very worried about what that intro shot of Qrow and the grimm arms is going to mean.

So Hazel is tortured for a while until Emerald admits that it was Cinder’s fault they lost. It’s all some really horrible mind games on Salem’s part: ask for an answer and torture the guy who provides you with one, get Emerald to call out the one person she cares for, casually drop that this person still lives, intimidate Watts for questioning her. Tyrian is the wild card, yes, but we know now that his ramblings about his “Queen” aren’t so random after all. Salem is still playing the part of the God we saw in Jinn’s flashback and her followers treat her accordingly. They do as she says out of fear. It’s what Salem lays out in the trailer: they can have their own desires, but only if they don’t interfere with her own.

Hazel drops the bomb that, oh yeah, your ex also reincarnated already, which puts an interesting twist on Salem’s anger. Meaning, I wonder if she’ll be more forgiving of their failure now that she knows they were unexpectedly facing Ozpin in Haven. Regardless, she’s not happy about the news.

At all.

We leave her letting one hell of a draft in and return to the gang. Yang bitches about how the path hasn’t led anywhere and Maria asks if she really doesn’t have anything “better to do than harass a defenseless old lady?”

More real talk: does Yang have experiences that explain her current attitude? Hell yes. Does all this make for compelling characterization? Absolutely. But right now I don’t like her. Having a reason to be angry doesn’t excuse the harm you do when you direct that anger towards those who don’t deserve it. From her pointing her weapon at Qrow to harassing Maria, I don’t think Yang is acting like a very good person right now and I haven't enjoyed her time on screen. An understandable development? Again, yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s acting like a brat and encouraging everyone else to do the same.

Of course, as soon as she challenges Maria the path leads them to a farmhouse. Not that Yang is ready to apologize for her attitude (another big difference between Ozpin’s mistakes and others’: he’s constantly apologizing for his). Weiss notes that the place looks deserted, but at least it’s better than staying out in the cold.

…Is it though? That farmhouse looks creepy as hell and I don’t trust it. To say nothing of the fact that we’ve got that sewer place from the intro right next door.

And that’s where we end up, the gang walking into this abandoned, potentially grimm-infested farm while they’re all pissed at each other and the gate squeaks ominously closed behind them. Oh yeah. I’m feeling real good about the next episode.

(Not.)

Other Details of Note

I’m intrigued by the fact that Jinn seems to have dissipated immediately after finishing her story, both because personality-wise she seems like the kind to stick around and gloat, and also because they’ve still got one question left. We saw Awful Facial Hair Oz ask his questions back-to-back, so unless Jinn streamlined things for convenience’s sake there doesn’t seem to be a wait period between each question… I don’t know. Narratively it makes sense (wanna clear Jinn out so there’s no distraction from the Ozpin bashing), but in-world the rules governing these relics seem a little murky.

So Salem knows Cinder is alive. I wonder if that’s connected to the grimm arm she gave her. If Salem has ties to Cinder that she hasn’t bothered to explain yet. Hmm. Wonder if she can control Cinder’s arm like she does the other grimm…

Salem also mentions the Sword of Destruction and intended to go after it before she heard that Ozpin had already reincarnated. Will that be the next relic on the list then?

With the exception of Ruby fighting the sewer grimm and everyone facing off against someone off screen, we’ve hit on most of the imagery from the trailer and intro already. I’ll be interested to see what the rest of the volume holds since it looks like that vast majority of that material is being kept carefully under-wraps.

Still looking forward to reconciliation. Still putting a lot of stock in that one image from the intro lol

[rkjoohyvn]

↠ * mnet global auditions season 4 ,                                        ♥«´¨`•°.. » episode four ! that new new »                     ¸.•* DEJA VU by NU’EST W ! ( LINE DISTRIBUTION & STYLE ) `*•.

the ending of episode three happens much faster than she ever anticipated, people getting eliminated more quickly than she could process. it takes a while for her to full comprehend their ranking as a team, and even longer to realize that not all of them are moving on.

once she does, she’s heartbroken. she doesn’t believe wonshik deserves to go home at all with how well-rounded he is, and nearly finds herself trying to speak up, but the words just get caught up in her mouth. disbelief is soon taken over by the guilt---she’d been the one to recommend the song, she’d been the leader of the team. surely, she could have found a way to prevent this; if only she’d worked harder, then maybe none of them would have had to go home, maybe they’d have been at the top. it’s hard to stop the tears that threaten to fall, but she manages, barely, only to break down as soon as they’re all swept off stage.

but she isn’t given any time to deal with the guilt, deal with the regret. the mga’s are fast-paced, and she’s learned just how fast in the past week and, as cruel as it is, she has no choice but to push those thoughts to the back of her mind. she has to move on. she has a new team now, a new challenge to face.

it’s a little bittersweet, meeting new people when she’d grown attached to the group she’d been in last week. she wishes to redeem herself as the team leader, but the rules don’t allow it, and she isn’t sure whether she’s disappointed that she can’t, or relieved that she doesn’t have to worry about whether or not she’ll be ale to actually do it. at the very least, she’s happy that minho is still in the same group with her, allowing for some sort of anchor in this fast-paced, ever-changing journey.

still, despite her initial apprehensions about it, she once again finds herself becoming comfortable with this new group, especially after they all decide to do a band concept for part of their performance, an idea first brought forth by daniel, and one she thinks is so brilliant she’s just as enthusiastic about it as he is. perhaps that had been their downfall last time; they’d stuck too close to a classic, hadn’t taken enough risks. and this is a big one that she hopes will pay off.

throughout the week, she learns about each and every person, once again picking up on their traits and skills, their different personalities that didn’t clash, but rather worked together in productive discussions and constructive criticisms because they all had one goal: to put out their best. it shows in the way they help each other, in the way every person makes sure that everyone else is doing well, that everyone else is getting the help they need.

it shows in the way yongsun takes the reigns of as the leader extremely well, making sure every single detail is taken care of, reigning them in if they ever got off topic, checking in on everyone if she senses them struggling. she witnesses it first hand when yongsun approaches her to practice their lines together, in her soft yet strict approach at helping the others. "you remind me of my vocal coach back home in sydney,” she tells her as they take a break from rehearsing. “i always viewed her as an older sister. you’ve got that same warm kind of feeling.”

it shows in rose’s determination to familiarize herself with the electric guitar and playing in a band, both foreign concepts to her. her willingness to learn makes it easy for seola to teach her and guide her, and, despite her initial insecurities, rose shows a great deal of courage to be willing to play in a band for the first time at the mgas, whose audience was much larger than anything seola had ever played for, and she admires her for it. even when they’re working on the choreography for the transition from instruments to choreography, seola learns of just how talented her fellow teammate is.

it shows in the way daniel so openly admits his own weakness in dancing so that he can get help with it. as someone who has always had a problem with admitting her own faults, she respects his candor when it’s her turn to help him through the choreography, carefully explaining each step, making sure that he’s not only got the choreography donw, but also that he’s aware of his spacing when in formation, aware of how his lines look as he performs. "you know,” she tells him as she helps adjust the position of his arms and waist during a particular move, watching their reflection in the mirror. “you say you’re bad at this, but with some practice, i bet you’d be pretty decent.”

and it shows in the way minho holds her up when she reaches her lowest point mid-week and she goes to him with all her thoughts, dumping each and every insecurity and sense of guilt on him, so much so that she feels bad afterward for having done so. but he shows great maturity and empathy when he tells her he understands what she’s going through, but that she shouldn't be too hard on herself, that all they can do for now is do their best. “i need you to be amazing again, so i can be too,” he tells her, and she feels the tears welling up in her eyes again. when did she become such a crybaby? “otherwise i’d be too worried and tripping on my own feet and we can’t have that okay?” he then wraps her in an embrace and she feels as if a dark cloud is being lifted. she hugs him back, chucking at his words even as she continues to cry and let it all out. “see, you would have been a great leader. i knew i voted for you for a reason,” she jokes quietly, referring to when they’d all voted on who would be the leader for the week. and as much as she’d like to sit around to recover, he’s absolutely right; it’s time to get back to work.

the work load is large, with having to not only learn new choreography, learn a new song, but also having to arrange a band version of the first minute and a half, all within a week. but with the group working like a well-oiled machine, things seem to be running as smoothly as she could have dreamed. the choreography is cleaned up, the band is playing like a cohesive unit, their name is picked, and their stage outfits chosen.

before she knows it, the day of filming arrives and her nerves are once again on high alert. she doesn’t think they can get any worse, but a cog in the machine comes lose and the gears come to a grinding halt once they run through rehearsals and daniel makes a mistake with the choreography. tensions are unbelievably high as they leave the stage afterward, so much so that she feels she can’t breathe. she can only imagine how daniel must feel after making such an error on stage, and she doesn’t want him to feel that way, so she approaches him from behind, walking in step beside him as she wraps an arm around his, hoping it’s comforting, even if just a tiny bit.

“hey, you okay?” she asks him, concern clearly written in her tone. she glances at him, soft smile on her features. “it’s okay, you know. we all make mistakes.” she bites on her lower lips, trying to find the right words to say, deciding to take it to a lighter tone. “i know it doesn’t seem like it, but even i make mistakes. shocking, right?” she laughs quietly to herself, lips pursed into a close-lipped smile. “mistakes don’t matter. what matters is how you recover from them and learn. we’ll go through it again, yeah?”

in the end they all run through their performance again, making sure they’re back on track just before filming.

last week, her team had been the fifth to perform, and it had put her extremely on edge while watching everyone else’s performances. now, with them going dead last, she isn’t sure she’ll make it to the end. her fingers are tingling and her mind and heart are going a million miles a minute. she finds that watching the performances of the other teams helps, but it also puts more doubt in her mind. everyone on the show is so talented---where does she stand?

by some act of god, she makes it to the end, and their team name is called. she trails behind most everyone, standing just in front of yongsun as they make their way to the stage. “hello, we are girl crush!” they introduce themselves, bowing at the audience and at the judges, each of them dressed to the nines and looking sharp as all hell in their suits.

afterward, they make their way to their starting positions, instruments at the ready, and she takes one last deep breath.

remember to have fun, she tells herself. you got this.

she starts off the song on her electric guitar, fingers gliding across the strings like she’s been playing it her entire life, and she has. she owes all of her guitar knowledge to her father, and this is in part an ode to him, to show him that all the time he’s spent with her is paying off, that she’s doing what she loves and is using what she’s learned from him well. she leans in toward the mic as her voice and rose’s joins in with the melody. daniel and yongsun then take over before the song fully takes off, the rest of the instruments joining in to make the song have a fuller sound.

난 널 그리���하고 i’m missing you 너는 날 기다리게 해 and you make me wait for you

she looks directly into the camera as she sings her first line, voice soft but clear as she tries to emote the feeling of having loved and lost, drawing from her most recent experience at her mother leaving her family behind. it’s painful to admit that, even after all the wrong she’s done, seola still misses her, even if it’s just a line in a song.

after her short adlib, she no longer has any lines until just before they switch to choreography, so she focuses instead on her fingering, making sure she’s in time with the rhythm minho keeps on the drums, still aware of her facial expressions, painting a melancholy expression on her features with her lips turned down at the corners in the most minute of manners, her brows ever so slightly furrowed.

say woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo

she sings her lines with longing, eyes closed as she brings her lips closer to the microphone, still strumming along to their arrangement. the most difficult part of their performance, in her opinion, is coming up soon, and soon as rose finishes her line and the lights dim, she quickly removes the guitar from around her shoulders and carefully places it down on its stand. she then rushes to join her fellow teammates in formation, making it just in time before the lights come back on, with minho at the front of their straight line. it had run flawlessly, despite the small hiccup they had during rehearsals.

from behind, they do the arm choreography while minho raps, and then break off toward the sides into full choreography. as much fun as she’d had doing the band section, seola enjoys this the most. she considers dancing to be just another extension to her singing, another way to express the emotions and nuances of a song when her voice isn’t in use. her movements are sharp as a knife where they need to be, smooth as running water at other times. she’s a trained dancer through and through, and it shows in her precision and musicality. compared to last week, this type of choreography is more her style.

밝은 곳을 걸으며 빛을 남겨줘 let me walk to the bright place, leave the light on

when she sings again, there’s hardly a sign at all that she’d been exerting herself, her voice still loud and clear, barely a waver to be found. she falls to one knee at the end of her line, continuing on with the choreography. allowing the rhythm to dictate the flow of her movements, in time with the pace of the song as well as her other teammates. 

the mirroring part of the choreography comes up and she positions herself in front of their formation, turning around to face minho, making sure their movements are perfectly in sync as they look at one another. 

네가 보여 i can see you

she whips her body around again at the end of her line, and they once again disperse across the stage into a new formation after minho raps his line. she repeats her wooing line again, walking across stage with purpose as she once again finds the camera, looking straight into it. she then launches into the following line, yongsun joining in as they sing the section they’d first gone over together during practice.

잠시라도 사라지면 안 돼 deja vu deja vu don’t disappear even for a moment, deja vu deja vu

with all her lines sung, she puts all her effort into the last few counts of choreography, face still just as expressive as it had been when she’d started the song. their performance comes to an end to the sound of yongsun and daniel’s voices, and they all form into a circle, each of their backs turned toward the middle as they sit on the floor.

they’re quietly shooed off stage, and she’s one of the last to leave, wanting to savor the moment for just a bit longer, of their hard work paying off. even if she’s in the bottom again this week, at least she can say she’s proud, not only of herself, but of the rest of her group.

“congratulations on a great performance guys,” she says once they’re back stage and their mics have been removed. she’s all smiles and giddy as she grabs onto the shoulders of minho with her two hands on either side of his head, using his height as leverage to get more air as she jumps up and down. “you all did amazing.”

and she means it. she just hopes the judges think the same.

[teapotfiction]

Ok buckle up kiddos...

...because I’ve slept on yesterday’s episode and I have a lot of thoughts. (The inner literature grad in me has been twitchy twitchy twitching).

Now, there were a lot of problematic things and inconsistencies which I don’t really want to get into in this. Mostly because it would take up the entire post, also because I think most of us are all too aware of where the real character stretches occurred (unless there is more to this episode than we know yet.).

So where to start?

Betty.

I think Betty broke all of our hearts this episode. Lili’s acting was astounding (did we expect anything else?). It’s heartbreaking because it’s the all too familiar trope of the person who most needs her friends, pushing them away. I struggle with the lack of communication between her and Jughead, but the tension between them was planted in the episode before. I’m struggling a little with the timeline of Riverdale too. Some sloppy dialogue led us to believe that it’d only been a few days, but the characterisation and more specifically, the dramatic changes in character suggest a much longer timeframe.

Betty’s character has changed. Season 1 Betty was desperate to keep people together; sometimes at cost to herself. (Think the Veronica/Archie situation, she was so desperate not to lose her friends that initially she didn’t give herself the time she needed to get over her own heartbreak). She wouldn’t let Jughead push her away in S1 E10; even in S2 E4 she accepted his explanation quickly for the sake of their relationship. The Black Hood is hitting at the very essence of Betty; her desire to appease those around her. Aside from the very real threat of, y’know, a murderous psychopath who may or may not kill those she loves, it is devastating to see Betty isolated because we know that is the very thing she fears. (Think back to the amount of times she’s defied her mother, or other authority figures and stuck up for her friends. For Betty, and her unwavering loyalty, her friends have always come first. It’s led her to bite her tongue, to go along with Veronica even when she’s felt uncomfortable, and maintain the friendship with Archie even when she was hurting. It’s also what we love most about her relationship with Jughead. More on that later…) The Black Hood is playing a deeply clever and manipulative psychological game with her. He knows her well enough to know that her relationships are her priority and her drive. Because once she’s destroyed those, at his bequest, what does Betty Cooper have left? He is destroying the very core of Betty; and by implication the very core of Riverdale.

Speaking of Betty’s relationships - this moves me onto Archie. I, for one, am enjoying his character arc. I think it’s important that he’s (finally!) being shown as someone who is a good friend to Betty. It’s a pity this wasn’t really featured in Season 1, because it made their friendship look entirely one sided, and made a lot of the audience fairly unsympathetic towards him. Had we had a bit more of their friendship build up before he turned down Betty’s advances, I think we’d have had a lot more empathy for him having to have that conversation with someone that he cared so much about. (No, I’m not defending the way he did things in Series 1; he went about it in entirely the wrong way and was also having a wholly inappropriate affair with a teacher, but - big but - he is a 16 year old boy and teenagers are horribly inept at dealing with things properly. That’s just life.) I do think sometimes we forget how hard it is to be the heartbreaker rather than the heartbroken because that’s not the story that’s ever focused on in TV and Film. Anyway, I digress. Seeing Archie and Betty work well in last night’s episode was important - just introduced far too late. It helped us understand why Betty asked Archie to do her dirty work and break up with Jug. (Must. Not. Cry. Must. Not. Cry.)

I’ve seen a lot of criticism of how Archie handled the break up with Jug. But consider this - Betty’s ‘It doesn’t have to cruel’ was indicative of her mental state, her desire to protect Jug and her need to convince herself she was doing the best by him. It was the only thing she could think of to convince Archie to do it. It wasn’t a realistic request. Betty knew this. That’s why she said ‘it doesn’t HAVE to be cruel’ - not, ‘don’t be cruel’. Subtle, but important difference. Because, for Jug to believe Archie, it had to be exactly that, cruel. It had to be cruel enough that Jughead would take it on face value and wouldn’t call Betty to verify. It had to be cruel enough that he really wouldn’t come near her. It had to be cruel enough that it would close off the final, vulnerable link between the two.

And it was. It was cruel, in the first instance, that she sent Archie and didn’t do it herself, because (as has already been discussed at length) it played into Jughead’s worst insecurities. It was also necessary, because she knows that Jughead can see through people (Ref, when he visits his dad in prison and says something along the lines of ‘my dad’s been lying to me for years, and he’s never been very good at it’). She couldn’t do it herself because she wouldn’t have the resolve if Jughead started to doubt the sincerity of her words. She also knows that he is particularly susceptible to ideas planted in her head. Her telling him outright that she didn’t want to be with him, would never be as effective as Archie planting the seed of doubt. Because that’s what he did - the doubt that not only does she not want to be with him, she’s been thinking it for a while, he’s been too blind to see it, and that she’s couldn’t tell him herself. It leads his imagination into overdrive. Why hasn’t she told him? Has he really been that distant? Is his new lifestyle too much for her? Is she too scared to talk to him now, to tell him the truth? How did he miss that she was suffering? Did she know he was lying to her at Pop’s? Because there’s a grain of truth in the way that they have been distant - and he knows he’s lied to her at least twice - when Archie delivers the message, choosing the words that he does (‘you can’t have them and her’), it’s all too easy for him to believe that this is real.

It also hinges on Archie’s character. Archie has many flaws, but he is essentially a truthful character. He doesn’t tend to lie. He sometimes doesn’t tell people everything, but if he is telling you something, it’s almost certainly the truth.

So basically, kudos to Archie, who was put in a very difficult position (and let us not forget, he must have felt sick to his stomach when he saw Jughead freely associating with the group of guys that he literally fought in the previous episode). Especially when you consider that Archie has quite a simplistic view of the world; good guys are good, bad guys are bad. There’s not a lot of room for nuances - especially post-Fred being shot. He wasn’t just saying what he did to stick in the knife or be unnecessarily cruel; he was saying it to be believable and because when he saw Jughead with the serpents he realised that it was true. Jughead can’t have the North and the South - not when they’re at war.

(Phew, that was long).

(The above assumes that the breakup isn’t just some rouse they’ve prearranged and it’s a code etc etc… I’d love to believe this interpretation, but the ending of the episode discredits this for me.).

And finally we come to Jughead. Juggie. Jug.

Oh geez. Where to start?

It is Jughead’s decision to join the Serpents before Betty breaks up with him that I find interesting - and problematic. If it had come after the breakup, the motivation could be dismissed as a simple knee-jerk reaction to feeling like he’s already lost everything. So it is very telling that the writers decided to position his loss mid-way through his serpent trials.

It’s quite the character change; this is the boy who literally chose homelessness over accepting his father’s life and was completely shocked when the serpents that he - and Betty - had been defending for most of series one, presented him with a bloodied body in his living room. Certainly, I think there’s more than a little bit of him that is seeking his place in the world and desperate to cling onto what he has left of his father. Certainly there’s a part of Jughead that’s always wanted to fit in. Series 1 Jughead found that with Betty; Series 2 Jughead is more ‘unmoored’.

Do I even need to discuss the lack of communication between him and Betty? I mean, what happened to them? Can we smash their heads together or lock them in a cupboard until our little beans start to talk to each other? What ever happened to that couple that we held a candle to as being one of the first, extremely healthy communicative relationships?

I am struggling with the writers’ decision to have Jughead embrace the violence of the Serpents. (Also, do not get me started on the Serpents’ initiation processes, and why are they a bunch of teenagers with just a couple of adults hanging about. It’s WEIRD, and bordering on too ridiculous even for Riverdale. And as for the bloody rattlesnake...). However, we do know that Jughead has quite the streak of self-sabotage, and is more than the ‘conscientious objector’ (He punched Chuck after all). He’s also used to being the one who’s left out. The one who’s family is unreliable. The one, for whom, things tend to turn to shit. This means when it comes to himself, he’s defeatist. He places little value upon his own happiness, and he will sacrifice it for what he thinks is the greater good. Sometimes, when you’re in this headspace (and especially when you’re a 16 year old, which I keep banging on about because I have to keep reminding myself that’s what they are!), you’re blinded by the idea that the decision where you’re suffering the most, must be the one which protects others the most. He’s not going to take the path that an older, more rational person, who is more invested in self-preservation might take.

The bit which sticks out for me is that I just feel Jughead would see the whole thing as a little bit ridiculous. We get a moment of the old Juggie in the trailer going over the ‘rules’ with Toni, but, surely, someone like Jughead - who is wise beyond his years in many respect and has a vast and sophisticated sphere of reference -would see the serpents for their frat-boy mentality instantly. As much as he wants to be close to his father, he doesn’t idolise him. He sees FPs faults, and until a couple of episodes ago, he seemed determined to avoid repeating them. I really struggle with how quickly he changed allegiance.

And then there’s Toni. Another allegiance change. I best get this bit over with quick because it makes me so sad. I really wanted to like her character. I was interested to see how the SouthSide was represented by someone who - unlike Jughead - wasn’t desperate to shake himself from its shackles. And I’m disappointed. Perhaps she’ll get a bit more depth of character later. Perhaps. I’m disappointed that she’s - so far - been brought in to compete with Betty (I am so done with female characters being pitted against each other). I’m disappointed that the writers have just shifted the Betty-Veronica-Archie love triangle to a Jughead-Betty-Toni one. She’s so obviously designed to be the opposite of Betty (even down the the clothes; black vs pastels), and Jughead has been her aim since she arrived. He carries the mystique of being Serpent royalty (to her at least, he doesn’t seem to hold that for the other serpents). It feels a little forced. I’ve have really liked her to be a friend. And if she had ulterior motives, did they have to be romantic?

So much about THAT scene upset me. Okay. So we have Jughead, at his absolute lowest, completely vulnerable. He’s lost everything, and feels like all his ties to the North have been severed in the worst possible way. But let’s not cast him as a victim entirely. He must have had an inkling about Toni’s intentions - from her volunteering to show him around on day one, to her hanging about his trailer, her (subtle but still evident) insults towards Betty, the signs have been there and he’s never discouraged her.

Actually, there are quite a few comments from Jughead throughout the episode that suggest he might be a little interested - or intrigued. (‘It was something you said, actually.’ etc). Here, he is the one who lets her in; he volunteers that Betty is a non-issue. Whether or not we want to accept it, it certainly looks like he wants to kiss her. And he kisses her back. He leans in and kisses her back. Not cool Jug. Did you want my heart to splinter into about a thousand pieces on the floor? If it was just the kiss and no comments, I’d be feeling a little bit better about the situation. But the combination…. Ack.

Until we see next week’s episode and the aftermath of the kiss of doom (sorry. Sorry. I just.. I’m not okay.) it’s hard to analyse exactly what’s going on with Jughead here. Is it desperation for something tangible? Is it that he’s realised there could be something with Toni, that represents his new life? (The one he can actually have - not the one that he felt like he was just chasing all the time). Is it purely a moment of weakness, wanting to feel close to someone to fill the void left by Betty? (Please. Please. Please). Will he regret it or pursue it? I’m too blinded by what I want to happen to be able to comment on that directly.

All I know is that the saddest sight of the show for me was Jughead sitting in his trailer, icepack on his head, new tattoo sealing his fate (the permanency of that really upset me. He’s fully committed. There’s no going back.) leaning in towards Toni - because he’s literally got no one else. He’s spiralling; he’s been thrust into a horrible situation but made it about a thousand times worse for himself.

Actually, no. The saddest sight of the entire show was Betty, who doesn’t have anyone.

Thanks Riverdale Writers. I didn’t want my mascara to stay on anyway.

(I don’t actually expect anyone to read all the way through, I just needed to get things off my chest).

TL;DR

I’m heartbroken.

Someone needs to have a word with Jug.

His foster parents are going to have a tough time explaining the state of his face to social services should they pop in anytime soon.

I vote we all step in to wrap Betty in cotton wool and protect her from everything.

Of all the crimes that the Black Hood has committed, breaking up Bughead was his worst.

[dawnajaynes32]

At the Site of Seeing

At the Site of Seeing / photos by Aimee Lambes

l. to r. - Abraham Adams, Natalie Sander Kern, Brian Newberg

Natalie Sander Kern as Molly Sweeney

Abraham Adams as Frank Sweeney

Brian Newberg as Mr. Rice

By Tom Wachunas

“…they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding,…”  - Mark 4:12

"Learning to see is not like learning a new language. It's like learning language for the first time."  - Denis Diderot

   What assumptions do we make about someone’s well-being or world- view? What perceptions inform those assumptions? Do they justify our judgments on the circumstances of that person’s life? How do those judgements motivate our actions toward that person? Living, and loving, can be complicated, mysterious, and hurtful.

   With his 1994 play, Molly Sweeney, Irish playwright Brian Friel gave us a deeply probative and eloquent examination of these considerations. It’s an utterly intriguing parable, generously laden with humor and pathos, about the vexing gap between seeing and understanding. The play visits an ideological crash site at the daunting crossroads of philosophy, psychology, science, and spirituality - all colliding with life-altering force.

   Three fascinating characters speak to the audience directly through intertwined monologues that address their divergent perspectives on the same story. Here’s the tale, directed by Craig Joseph, of 41 year-old Molly Sweeney (Natalie Sander Kern), blind since early infancy; her well-meaning dreamer of a husband, Frank (Abraham Adams); and Mr. Rice (Brian Newberg), a once famous opthamologist, now driven out of seclusion by his whiskey-soaked obsession to restore Molly’s sight.

   There’s something exquisitely appropriate about Craig Joseph’s choice of venue for this production – the 50-seat Dietz Theater in Akron’s Weathervane Playhouse. The performance space itself could be taken as a metaphor for how sighted people might assume that for a blind person, living must indeed be a sad condition - boxed in, it would seem, by blackness. The intimate darkness of the room gives way to an uncanny if not ironic effect of magnifying and illuminating even the smallest of emotive gestures and facial expressions articulated by the actors who are, in a word, astonishing.

   A thrilling element throughout the evening, thanks to dialect coach Chuck Richie, is the actors’ command of their enchanting Irish accents, particularly from Kern and Adams. It’s much less present in Newberg’s speech, though still authentic when considering that the Irish-born character of Mr. Rice spent years forging a career while living in America (before his marriage fell apart), thus becoming more Yankee-ized, as the character of Frank so eagerly reminds us at several points.

   Through a large portion of the play comprised of flashbacks on the characters’ lives, Natalie Sander Kern renders the character of Molly with a palpably luminous countenance. Kern makes Molly Sweeney an effervescent embodiment of charisma, a positively contagious presence, and anything but morose – that is, at least until the cathartic eye operation. Her consistently riveting gaze isn’t the vacant look of someone groping about the world tentatively (she doesn’t use a cane), but rather someone whose eyes sparkle with the shimmer of pure, wonderful apprehension. In one of the play’s richest passages, she speaks of a favorite life activity – being immersed in the sea, swimming. Her voice bubbles with joy, tinged with sorrow for sighted folk, when she recalls, “…Just offering yourself to the experience—every pore open and eager for that world of pure sensation, of sensation alone—sensation that could not be enhanced by sight—experience that existed only by touch and feel; and moving swiftly and rhythmically through that enfolding world; and the sense of such assurance, such concordance with it.” Molly doesn’t see her blindness, so to speak, as a tragic abnormality to be pitied or remedied.

   Equally captivating and intense are the performances by Abraham Adams and Brian Newberg in their roles of Frank and Mr. Rice, respectively.  Adams is a dizzying amalgam of boyish bravado, self-doubt, tenderness, mournful frustration, and righteous anger as he recalls his big-hearted but quixotic career pursuits. They include his hilarious story about making cheese from Iranian goats afflicted with chronic jetlag. And though all his support for the successful outcome of Molly’s surgery is genuinely ebullient, he doesn’t much like Mr. Rice.

   No wonder, perhaps. Maybe he sees too much of his own flawed motivations in the alcoholic doctor. In that role, Brian Newberg gives us a punctilious philosopher who quite effectively draws us into the angst-riddled disaster that his life had become, and the desperate hope to restore his internationally acclaimed reputation by performing a miracle on Molly.

   Molly’s partially restored vision initially leaves her in a short-lived period of giddy hope. But amid Frank and Mr. Rice’s incessant pressures to educate her in correctly connecting to what she can see, it dawns on Molly, and us, that to the men in her life, she’s become an agenda, a project, not a person. No miracle at all, the cure has forced her out of the ecstatic sensory completeness she once knew, becoming instead an infection that progressively thrusts her into a state of heartbreaking withdrawal and confusion.

   This work of truly great theatre may well leave you longing for the same assurance and concordance with the experience of being alive that Molly savored when swimming. In the end, more than a little heartbroken yourself, you’ll simply want to hug her.

   Molly Sweeney, in The Dietz Theater at Weathervane Playhouse, 1301 Weathervane Lane, Akron, Ohio / Friday, November 16 & Saturday November, 17 at 8 PM, Sunday November 18 at 2 PM / produced and presented by Seat of the Pants Productionsand presented through special arrangement with Dramatists Play Service, Inc. / tickets $20 - available ONLINE at  

https://mollysweeney.eventbrite.com 

www.seatofthepants.org

At the Site of Seeing syndicated post