#like why are u marrying tom from accounting

[satorhime]

when the youtube cottagecore girls who live alone suddenly get married and move in with Regular Dudes i be feeling so betrayed 😭

[feuillytheflorist]

the tomgreg coffee shop au i gave up on

i had good intentions but i’ll never finish this so i’m sharing it here. the unfinished coffee shop au that runs parallel to early season one where greg works at a fancy coffee shop instead of waystar (@@van1lla-v1lla1n & anybody else feel free to take any of this and put it in ur own shit! or pretend u never saw it)

The coffee shop downtown was full of uptight business men and women.

They came off Wall Street, out of the offices downtown and in the Financial District, and ordered either black coffee or fancy lattes and espressos-- it was a tossup, usually, Greg had found, though he and his co workers kept a running tab in the back of the orders.

(Greg didn’t know why they couldn’t make black coffee in their offices, but he supposed if you made a lot of money, five bucks for a large coffee didn’t matter.)

Most of them ordered while on the phone. One time a stern looking woman in a grey suit had been firing someone while she ordered a peppermint tea, a combination Greg laughed about afterwards.

He supposed it was good that they weren’t a chain cafe. Those places probably got the <i>really</i> angry people, who threw coffee back at you if it was wrong. The worst that had ever happened on one of Greg’s shifts was a middle aged man had taken a sip of his drink, made direct eye contact with Greg, and said it was the wrong drink, only for Greg to confirm that it wasn’t even his in the first place.

But hey, he wasn’t complaining. The place paid well enough, he got free coffee on his days off, and during the working hours, the clientele was mostly tourists and families.

Greg liked it most when the kids came in and he always somehow managed to have a screwed up cookie or some other snack that they were just going to throw away anyway. It made the kids smile, and the particularly hassled parents were usually thankful.

It was a break from the suits anyway.

Greg knew the regulars easily. He worked almost the same hours every week. Knew that the CFO of that accounting firm three blocks away was a tall blonde woman named Samantha who ordered an Americano every time unless she was especially stressed, because then she ordered tea and heaped sugar into it. One of the big name traders-- Greg didn’t know much else, was an older man named Matthew who was the only one who orderer hot chocolate all year round.

This man was new.

In general, it was fun to point out the customers you thought were attractive. He was sure it was a common occurrence, across countless coffee shops, in countless cities worldwide. Dani, the college student who worked Thursday morning with Greg thought that the daughter who sometimes came in with her banker father was cute, while Thomas, Greg’s Monday afternoon co worker had a thing for the red haired girl who studied there Monday mornings.

“So,” Dani leaned against the counter while Greg made the new man’s drink-- Tom, was the name he had given, and the name that was turning around in his head, “Are like, white collar forty year olds your type?”

“What?” She smiled, and twisted a braid around her finger, “Mr. Wall Street over there, in the fucking suspenders.” “Oh,” Greg frowned and topped off the latte. He wouldn’t have pinned Tom as a latte drinker, and he wondered if this was a regular drink for him, “What?”

She rolled her eyes, “He’s hot I guess, in a Dad kind of way.” “Hated that a little bit,” he put the lid on the cup, and returned to the counter. Tom looked up from his phone, where he’d been furiously texting for the past several minutes, “Here you go.” “Thanks,” he took the cup and then took a sip. Greg noticed this was common. They always took a sip before leaving the counter. Greg was <i>pretty</i> sure it was so they’d have easy access back in case it was wrong. Rich people were always eager to find something to complain about,

Greg smiled-- customer service smile, as Thomas called it, “you’re welcome. Come back soon.” Tom smiled back, a tight smile that people always gave them in response. He heard Dani laugh behind him, and when he turned she was looking at him, arms crossed. “Pathetic. Are you going to sleep with him?” “<i>What?</i>”

She laughed again, and returned to the register. Greg shrugged, and returned to the back, where he was supposed to be taking stock before the lunchtime rush really started.

In general, dating was off the table. Greg’s life was way too precarious to think about letting another person in to it, and besides, fantasizing about a customer you saw once and would possibly never see again was a fun thing to do occasionally, but was a waste of time. And <i>sure</i> he had thought Tom was attractive, but he thought plenty of people were attractive, this one was just obvious to Dani who happened to be watching him. It’d be fun to think about him when he walked in, but in general, unrealistic.

Greg put the thoughts of Tom the executive at the unknown location out of his mind, and focused on not losing track of his counting.

***

Evidently lattes were Tom’s thing because that’s what he stuck with whenever he came in.

“Suspenders is here for you,” Dani said, a week later, “He says you’re the only one that can make his fucking coffee. You better take care of this before I flip.” “Oh,” Greg frowned, “Uh, sure. You want to finish this order.” She nodded, “Anything to get away from him. He’s fucking annoying.” Greg shrugged, and went out front, where Tom was waiting at the cash register. Thankfully there wasn’t a line behind him that he was holding up-- people did that all the time and Greg was pretty sure it was eventually going to cause a riot.

“There you are, talented Mr. Greg,” he smiled, “You know I came here on Friday and you were absent? My latte was not as good.” “Oh yeah I’m off on Fridays,” Greg said, typing in the order. He didn’t bother waiting for Tom to actually tell him. He’d memorized it at this point, “Would you like anything else?” Tom shook his head, “No.”

“Four fifty,” Greg said, more out of habit than anything else, and Tom handed over his card. That was something else white collar people always did. Put everything on their card. Greg had only recently been allowed to use his card again, after it had been overdrawn for… several months, “It’ll be ready in five or so.” “I know,” Tom smiled tightly, “I’ve been up all fucking night. How much caffeine is in lattes, do you know?”

“Uh no,” Greg reached for a cup, “But like, if you want, I can add an extra shot of espresso. On the house.” “Would you?” “Sure,” Greg smiled, “You look pretty tired.” “My uh, future father in law is ill,” he said, “It’s been kind of a hectic time. I only just started a new job in addition to that.” “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, about your father in law,” Greg said. He felt a jab of <i>something</i> at the mention of a father in law, but shoved it away. It was unsurprising, and he had no Goddamn right to be anything about it. But it was like when you found out a celebrity you had a crush on was engaged. There hadn’t been any hope to begin with, but the part of you that liked to dream big was still upset at the loss, “I hope he gets better soon.”

“Thanks,” Tom smiled tightly, and the conversation fell quiet. Greg went to make the drink. Tom returned to his phone.

***

“I’m going to need the biggest size you’ve got,” Tom said, before Greg could even open his mouth to ask how his morning was going, “I’m in deep, deep shit.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” Greg replied. He didn’t understand the world of economics and business very well, but that couldn’t be very good regardless. He was pretty sure Tom worked in an office, not on Wall Street, but he still didn’t know what company he worked for. Tom kept his personal information vague and infrequent.

“Yeah,” Tom ran a hand over his face, “Yeah.”

“Like, do you know what you’re gonna do?” Greg asked, ringing up the order.

“Not a fucking clue,” Tom frowned, “It’s bad.”

“Is your father in law feeling better?” Greg asked. He knew it was risky topic. Maybe the man had fucking died, and it would just make things worse.

“Uh huh,” Tom said absentmindedly.

“Yeah my great uncle was sick for a little bit,” Greg said. His mother had called to tell him such, but he’d already seen the news, “But like, we haven’t seen each other in a long time.” Tom squinted at him, like he was trying to figure out why, exactly, Greg had said that. And in reality, Greg wasn’t sure why. Sometimes he just said things.

“Right,” Tom said, “Coffee?” “Oh sorry. One second.”

*** “You finally came out for drinks!” Thomas exclaimed when Greg slinked over to the bar. Greg liked Thomas because he didn’t put up with shit from any of the customers. He was in law school uptown, and came from California originally and Greg thought he was nice, if a little intense. That was probably the lawyer side of him.

“Yeah I finally paid off my credit card debt so,” Greg shouted back. It was a loud bar, the floor was a little sticky under his feet, and he felt exceptionally large all of the sudden, the crowd pressing against him from almost every direction.

Dani laughed, and slapped his shoulder, “Greg’s just sad because his executive boyfriend is getting married.” “What?” Henrietta, Dani’s roommate who worked at the diner a block away from the coffee shop called back, “Greg you have an executive boyfriend?” “No like,” he shook his head. It was too hard to hear in here, and he knew Dani was just joking, but he didn’t want that kind of false information getting out, “He’s a regular at the shop. Dani thinks I think he’s hot.” “He is kind of hot,” Thomas said, “I mean, objectively.” “He’s engaged,” Dani explained, shaking her head dramatically, “It’s not meant to be.” “You could be his mistress,” Thomas offered. The bartender brought over drinks and Greg took whatever they’d ordered for him, “I bet rich people treat their mistresses, like, really well.” “Mm,” Dani nodded, “I bet so.” “Yeah maybe,” he took a long sip. It burned a little, but anything to get out of talking about this.”

*** On Saturdays, Greg didn’t work until the afternoon. A cursory glance at Twitter the next morning told him two things.

The first was that Tom worked for Waystar, his Uncle Logan’s company. He knew all about Waystar because his grandfather hated it with the passion of a thousand suns-- that’s how Greg saw it anyway. He knew this because several articles had been published about the RECNY Ball, which Tom attended with his fiancée, Shiv.

That was the second thing Greg found out. Tom was engaged to his cousin. They weren’t first cousins. Greg wasn’t much into genealogy, but it was like a cousin removed or something. They’d never been close growing up. His mother kept them on the Christmas card list, but Greg hadn’t seen any of the Roys in several years. Even when he’d come to New York City, they ran in such different social circles that they hadn’t seen each other.

Much to his mother’s disappointment. She still thought he’d somehow be able to secure a job at Waystar with his half Roy bloodline, but he’d hardly had the opportunity.

And now there was this. It was really six degrees of fucking seperation wasn’t it?

***

Greg drove up to Canada for Thanksgiving. His Grandfather had agreed to go to Logan’s for the holiday. Much to everyone’s surprise, Greg was sure. His mother had informed him Marcia said he could go. Greg thought that was bound to be a fun revelation for all involved.

“Cousin uh, Craig,” Logan had said, motioning vaguely to Greg standing next to his Grandfather. Ewan frowned.

“It’s <i>Greg</i> isn’t it?” Shiv said, “Cousin Greg?” “Uh yeah,” Greg replied. A cursory glance said Tom wasn’t there, not yet at least. He wondered where he was, then decided he shouldn’t be wondering it.

“We’re glad to have you,” Marcia-- actually he assumed it was Marcia, they’d never met-- said. Her accent was French maybe, he thought, “Both of you.”

“Well no shit,” Tom said, when he arrived, an hour or so later, “Cousin Greg is my barista.” “Really?” Shiv said, looking between the two of them, “Greg’s the one that makes you those lattes?” “Small fucking world,” Tom smiled, and clapped Greg on the shoulder, “Family huh?”

“Ha yeah.”

***

There was a week Tom didn’t show up at all. Dani called him Romeo and lamented over a love that was never meant to be. Greg laughed, told her she didn’t know the half of it.

[toflyandfall]

YAY :D! OK, I wanted to please ask what your thoughts were on Dick and Shawn's relationship. Did you feel it was in character? Did you feel it made sense? Did you want them to last or did you feel it came out of left field and didn't make any sense? How did you feel about the pregnancy scare and how they broke up ("I know what I said/did was shitty but we can fix this. We can make this work!") - does it sound like Dick? I'm also happy ur still here. I'm so used to asking you & Shelly so thank u!

I'll be honest with you, anon--DC burnt me hard with the Spyral travesty and then putting Tom King on Batman and keeping Seeley on Nightwing, so I don't keep up with current DC comics.  I don’t enjoy them and nearly without exception I don’t find them to be written well or in character. However, you're very sweet and I want to help fill the meta void in your life, so I read through Dick and Shawn's arc together and here's my analysis.

 I’m dividing this into two parts.  The first half will be as objective as possible and analyze your questions on whether Dick seems in character, what he says during the break up, etc.  It’s roughly chronological, starting when we first meet Shawn and continuing through to the break up itself.

The second half I’ll put under a readmore, as it’ll answer your questions about my more subjective opinions about the arc.

 Let’s start by looking at Dick’s previous and most happy relationships to see what good indicators for an in-character relationship would be.

  Getting physically involved with someone -before- having a secure emotional connection with them is not in character for him.  All of Dick's major relationships have been preceded by extended periods of mutual flirtation and bonding before physical overtures.  His most significant and longest lasting romantic connections began by building emotional and romantic attachment before sexual intimacy, frequently paired with a shared history together that precedes even the flirtation.  

There’s significant canon evidence that he’s demi sexual: a comprehensive, though hardly exhaustive, collection of it can be found here and here (the latter half of the second link relates to the Grayson series specifically, but overall it offers a nice long view on his relationship history since character creation and also addresses beyond-canon factors at DC that impacted some relevant canon writings.)  Whether you use the label demi for him or not, it’s canon that he’s not comfortable jumping into bed without a secure emotional connection.

 So let’s look at Shawn’s relationship with Dick through the lens of relationships in which he was the happiest and most comfortable.  Those relationships have these things in common:  

He has a stable, safe emotional connection to the individual.

He is willing and comfortable engaging in banter and flirtation.  

Relationship is based on mutual respect and affection, often paired with shared history together.

Now, let’s look at Shawn’s relationship.

Their ‘history’ together (as Defacer and Robin) is antagonistic, and their interaction in the past leave Dick feeling uneasy. Sure, he seems to think about her situation, but as this panel reads, the kindest that can be said of any emotional connection there seems to be here is one-sided pity.

Nightwing #10 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

Once they meet again, she’s his boss.  Even or perhaps especially in the world of #MeToo, it’s important to address workplace relationships, particularly boss/employee scenarios, with care and sensitivity.  Seeley sidesteps this by just…having her later quit the non-profit she founded and giving Dick her position for a while.  However, even if she’d just worked in HR at an equal level with him when they met instead of being his boss, let’s look at the amount of participation he shows in their first meeting:

Nightwing #10 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

There is a lot of her talking and almost none of him.  He’s not engaged in their interaction here.  Where he tries later as Nightwing to engage more personally, he’s immediately shut down.  The most dialogue we hear from him is in his own head—in their first meeting, the ratio of her dialogue to his is literally 22 sentences to 9.  Of those 9 sentences, one is a lie he gives to avoid establishing an emotional connection with her, another she interrupts, and three of which were less than five words long: “Sorry.” “You can call me Dick” and “Thanks, Ms Chang”.  Even taking the workplace environment into account as best we can, this is not meeting any of the three criteria for Dick to be feeling emotionally attachment or attraction.  No one would look at those 9 almost-sentences and that flashback and say, “Ah yes, this man is deeply infatuated with her.”  

This is made even more jarring by the fact that the internal narration frequently doesn’t match the actual scenes we’ve witnessed.   

Nightwing #11 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

Nothing about the few sentences Dick has managed to finish around Shawn when this narration comes up has said ‘attraction’, physical or otherwise, but the dialogue here reads like Dick was laying the flirtations on thick every time he saw her.  Same with when they talk about the flashback scene later.  There’s a lot of cognitive disconnect between what Seeley wants to tell us happened and what we actually see and hear and have evidence of between the characters.

If you’re wondering why I’m examining these initial interactions with particular depth, it is because frankly, these are the most interactions the two have together for roughly the first five issues of their ‘getting to know each other’ phase...and when they reunite at the end of those issues, we are supposed to believe they are already heavily, life-changingly in love.  So, for all intents and purposes, this scattered handful of conversations is all we have to analyze to examine whether this fits the qualifications for whether Dick would feel comfortable and emotionally attached enough to approach a physical relationship.

We have three chances in their various guises for Dick and Shawn to meet and start developing that all-important rapport.  This is our first initiation to their relationship and it certainly doesn’t read as a positive one.  The next one, she yells at him and kicks him out—again, a whole page of her dialogue to a fragmented sentence of his.  The third one, the flashback panel posted above, they don’t even speak to each other. Two of them are actively red-flags of being unable to establish a closer connection with that person; the third is a neutral connection.  This is not the kind of two-way interaction we see where he’s comfortable and interested in someone, and this is not an emotionally secure connection.  

Shawn disappears for three issues or so, during which they have, obviously, no interactions.

The very next after that, by the end of it, she lunges into him to kiss him.  

The next issue after that, they’re evidently in honeymoon heaven and already shacking up.  

Trust me, we’ll be going over that under the readmore later.

Back in the area of the objective, if you ever need to know the number of days Tim Seeley thinks is needed for two people with self-admitted enormous trust issues to form the ideal Hollywood manic pixie dream girl relationship, we were given a careful timeline.  

68 days—first date

Nightwing #15 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

62 days—first intercourse.

Nightwing #15 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

Six days.  Not even a week.

They’ve met each other, then met each other’s parents and are living together and are one baby scare away from the suburbs in less time than it takes for someone to finish a semester at college.  It took literally longer for the issues of Nightwing where Shawn was an absent character in her own arc to get published in our real lives than it did for their on-panel romance to go from not even knowing each other to Nightwing (not Dick, but Nightwing) kissing Shawn (not Defacer, but Shawn) upside down in the middle of the city.

Trust issues, amirite?

Nightwing #15 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

Meanwhile during that mostly off-panel ‘dating’ period we have these wildly out of character moments. In particular, there are two noteworthy things.

Shawn says she never would have pinned Dick for being a traditionalist.  

That directly contradicts…well…most of the statements people close to him have made of his dating views, and also his own self-stated views of them, whose top tracks include things like “…this might sound unhip, but I feel strange about living with someone I’m not married to”, “I gotta be honest, Roy—I couldn’t make love to someone I didn’t really love”, and “Love should be between two people”.  

We have a direct parallel of an in-character Dick moment walking someone home after an early date to use for comparison.  

Nightwing #31  

Things Dick does in this panel: reassures his date there is no pressure for sex and the night will not be ending that way, plan out just about the most traditional date experience, and engage in light-hearted mutual bantering.  

Additional relevant context around this panel: Dick and Clancy have known each other for months and have a friendly, mutually respectful connection.  Dick’s turned down a sizable number of invitations from her because despite living in the same building, the vigilante life made it difficult for him to make and keep plans.  This is their second date because Dick had to bail in the middle of their first.  It took months both in comics-time and in real-time of developing a mutual interest to lead up to that first real date.  And by then, the reader is invested in the status of that relationship, too.

To contrast the then vs now, we also have in that same moment with Shawn Dick, of all people, ignores a phone call without a second thought in favor of trying for a booty call. On the first date.  Let’s take a look at Dick and Clancy’s first date, 9 issues earlier than the one we just saw.

Nightwing #22  

Dick is a chronic workaholic, with all the associated inability to disconnect from his work while in relationships even during date night or intimate moments. It’s perfectly reasonable, considering that with his lifestyle choice, that phone call could be life or death for someone he loves, a stranger, or many, many someones, and it’s put significant strain on his past relationships when dating those not actively in the superhero lifestyle.  Clancy is, again, a great example of this--despite genuine interest on both sides, he blew her off at least half a dozen times because of vigilante emergencies before they even got to their first date.  And then despite their great rapport and a genuine interest in being there, he still ditched her in the middle of it when his phone rang.

What we see in Seeley’s Nightwing #15 not only runs directly contrary to significant chunks of his history and personality, it also tells a deeply upsetting story of a world where exists a horndog Dick Grayson who would risk other people’s lives to get laid with a chick he’s known less than a week.

They handle vigilante interruptions more in character in later issues once the relationship is established, but...yikes. 

Not in character.

We’re going to take a little jump here to move from discussing whether their relationship is in character for Dick to whether their breakup was in character.  

In general, it actually is pretty in character for Dick to panic himself into commitment in a romantic relationship even if he’s not really sure about it.  Dick is very interesting that way: he runs away from platonic relationships under tension, either by throwing himself into casework or by literally setting up in a new location.  If his romantic relationship is undergoing trauma, however, he's very capable of reacting the opposite, like in this example with Kory.

Team Titans #2

There’s even an awkward Devin Grayson incident where he thinks a woman is serial-murdering her husbands, fake-marries her to solve the case, uncovers the real killer who wasn’t her, and feels bad enough afterward that he offers to date her for real. (An interesting side-note: this makes Devin Grayson responsible for not one but two of Dick’s emotionally compromised almost-marriages. This one, at least, came before she jumped the shark with the dreaded Catalina Flores arc.)

Nightwing Annual #1

So let’s take a look at where Shawn’s exact circumstance falls in against those.

  To me, the lines that sound the most like Dick are actually the lines he says that cause their break-up.  

Nightwing #23 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

Dick has a lot of darkness and anger in him. He’s a lot like Bruce and he’s a lot scared of how much he’s like Bruce.  We’ve seen several timelines where Dick’s had biological children and we’ve also seen how he tempered Damian’s darkness when Bruce was lost in the timestream.  Though this arc and timeline does not show it well (and that’s a whole different meta), we have the advantage of having known how Dick behaves as a father in a way this particular Dick has never had to experience.  And we know that when kids are in the picture he does work hard at repressing or concealing his anger and darkness to be a good role model, often in a way he isn’t sure he has the capacity to do when there are no children involved.  Despite some of the specific phrasings being iffy, the general sentiments here do feel like legitimate concerns Dick would have.

With this knowledge, that moment felt significantly more honest to Dick Grayson’s character than most of the rest of their relationship.  

Nightwing #25 (Nightwing: Back to Bludhaven)

The actual break-up dialogue itself is…well, it’s not out of character, exactly, because as shown, Dick has been known to clutch onto potential romances hardest when he feels they’re about to slip away. But the delivery of it isn’t in character.  Yes, in general, Dick has a temper and he lashes out. However, he’s clearly aggressive and angry in this panel, where previous experience has showed us he should be at his most emotionally vulnerable and pleading.  Dick, who is a generally emotionally closed-off person despite his extroverted demeanor, reacts to these kind of romance scares by showing emotional vulnerability in ways he frequently is unable to do during the relationship itself.  And the panel that he’s apologizing for as being a crappy thing to have said, is…as mentioned, the panel that comes closest to a consistent Dick Grayson.

And the thing they’re fighting about is that Dick missed a job interview because he was doing Nightwing things.  Shawn fell in love with Dick knowing he was Nightwing (somehow), he’s been Nightwing the whole time they dated, constant interruptions and all, but she breaks up with him because somehow 'the thing I always loved most…you.’ apparently wasn’t one that included the Nightwing schedule.  She also seems to be both blaming him for wanting the baby and also accusing him of not wanting it.  At the risk of getting off-topic and subjective, I’ll be honest and say Shawn’s dialogue here makes no sense to me at all.

Dick’s tried not being Nightwing, in both pre-52 and new-52.  Dick spends a fair amount of pre-52 time either bouncing from job to job or lacking a day job entirely.  In both pre-52 and new-52, the Dick she’s claiming is the one she’s always loved the most…doesn’t exist anywhere I can think of. Certainly not anywhere during their on-panel relationship.

Now that we’ve looked at what we see of Dick and Shawn on-panel, it’s time to talk about the impact this has off-panel.

I happen to have been re-reading a lot of Chuck Dixon’s original Nightwing’s run lately.  And here’s the thing.  Clancy’s been showing up consistently in that run as someone Dick could be attracted to for for oh, about...two full graphic novels now (that’s 17 single-issues) and they haven’t so much as gone on a date, let alone shared a smooch. It takes 20 issues before they make it to the first date we saw from Nightwing #22.  I don’t remember if she’s in every single issue of that period, so I’m going to round down by probably a lot and say that’s a minimum of a year when this was getting published for us as readers to get to know her and how she interacts with Dick, to get interested and invested in a potential relationship.  In comics-time, it’s weeks before Dick actually sees her face, not just hears her voice.  Even if you’re reading post-publication like me, that’s hours and hours where we watch she and Dick bond and banter and develop a mutual interest.

That’s build up.  That’s emotional investment developed over time.

I’m not saying every single relationship has to take more than a year’s worth of issues on-panel to develop.  However, she does summarize one of the single biggest struggles for DC’s cadre of writers over the last few years.  Basically, the problem I have with this beyond just the characterizations is the same that made me stop reading from New 52 onward: DC constantly trying to skip out on the process of creating meaningful emotional build-up or connections but still expecting to cash in on an emotional payoff.  

You can’t go from ‘kissed once’ to ‘been together for years like an old married couple couple vibes’ off-pages like Nightwing #15 tries to do.  Even if you expect the readers to believe the protagonist now feels that connection (which, frankly, I don’t), we don’t have that connection to the relationship.  It’s a cheap paper cutout with no actual emotional content behind it--why should we care if it tears under pressure?  We have no stake in it; we don’t know why the protagonist has a stake in it.  It’s meaningless.  

As a reader, my experience with Shawn and Dick’s relationship is as follows: a) they meet in a scenario where she is his boss (strong do not date vibes) b) they meet as vigilante and paroled ex-villain and she doesn’t even let him finish a sentence (would not date) c) they show a flashback where they don’t even speak to each other (Robin pities her; no ‘date/no date’ vibe data gathered), d) they share a confusingly out of nowhere ‘emotional’ moment that didn’t match up with my prior understanding of either what I extrapolated from the flashback or what I saw in their on-panel interactions (vibe check, please??) then she disappears for several issues into police custody (no ‘date/no date’ vibe data gathered)  The very next time she sees him, she betrays him  (STRONG do not/would not date).  Then all of a sudden at the end of that issue she kisses him.  

My context for their relationship is based on two ‘emotional’ conversations of dubious quality and consistency, one ‘look’ where their dialogue contradicts my own understanding of the on-panel events, a shouting match or two, and a very major betrayal that just happened to work out alright for everybody but is never actually addressed.  Most of her introductory arc where we’d be piecing out how she fits in with Dick and how they interact together, she isn’t even there for.  They’ve known each other for less than a week.  I the reader have known them for, in my case, maybe an hour of read-time. 

And the very next time I see them, I’m supposed to believe, and more importantly, feel emotionally attached to the fact that They Are The Most In Love Couple To Ever Be In Love.  

Trying to put a timeline on intimacy as a gimmick instead of establishing genuine emotional connection never works.  Yes, maybe we knew that one person in high school or know someone in college who falls hard and often and met and married someone within two months, but Dick Grayson has never been that person.  Maybe this style of flashback manic pixie romance would be more believable if they’d tried it on a different character with a different history and personality, but it especially never works on a character like Dick Grayson with a strong history of being slow to decide his feelings and even slower to jump into bed. 

In order to work, the entire arc that follows with the kidnapping by Pyg is predicated on the fact that I, the reader, am supposed to already care about Shawn’s relationship with Dick, and that I, the reader, believe in the validity of Shawn’s relationship with Dick and in Dick’s commitment to it.  But I haven’t been given time or reason to do either of those things by the time that arc starts.  

You cannot shortcut relationships and expect them to be meaningful to the reader.

So they threw in a baby.  Because even if you don’t care about a relationship, everyone cares about babies.

Throwing in a baby to up the emotional stakes is just a further step up that same problematic cheap-shortcuts ladder I was talking about: like in a stereotyped failing marriage, if you feel like you have to add a kid just to put meaning into your relationship again, maybe what you actually need to do is take time and consider what that relationship is built on.

[cassoliver]

new york’s very own cassandra “cass” oliver was spotted on broadway street in reebok club c 85 vintage shoes . your resemblance to  sydney sweeney is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your  twenty-first  birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being  naive  , but also compassionate . i guess being a  pisces  explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be exposed tan lines , loud laughter , and only ever wearing gold jewelry  . ( i slept with one of my co-stars while we were shooting on location, not knowing they had a significant other back home )  &  ( cis-female & she / her  )

lia takes on a second character TAKE TWO whAT is up you guys , it’s ya girl back at it again with another muse . i randomly got a lot of inspiration for this new girly pop and i feel p good about it ! go ahead and smash that mf like button if you wanna plot ! i can slide into your ims or on discord if that’s more your jam !

S T A T S ↴

– * FULL NAME : cassandra rosemary oliver – NICKNAME(S) : cass ( commonly referred as ), cassie – * AGE : twenty-one – * D.O.B : march 16th – * ZODIAC : pisces – * GENDER : cis-female –* ORIENTATION : bisexual biromantic – * HEIGHT : 5′4″ – * NATIONALITY : american – * BIRTHPLACE : asbury park , new jersey – * OCCUPATION : student + actress – * TRAITS : compassionate, creative, intuitive, gentle, empathetic, fun-loving, naive, whimsical, loyal, subservient, overly emotional, pensive, fearful, overly trusting

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

   you’d have to be living under a rock to not know jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver . think brad pitt and angelina jolie , will smith and jada pinkett , or whatever other celebrity IT couple you fancy . jeremy is notoriously known for his acting career that took off in the late 80′s . around the same time , elizabeth marie’s acting / modeling career was taking off across the pond . the iconic duo met through work and quickly fell in love . after their over the top wedding ceremonies ( yes plural . they got married once in jeremy’s hometown in new jersey and then again in elizabeth marie’s hometown in england ). shortly after their holy matrimony , they produced three healthy babies : mason , samuel , and cassandra . there were a few years in between the kiddos , but they were all raised in a tight knit family outside of the limelight in asbury park , new jersey . their parents decided to take a break from working in order to raise their kids . i wish i could say that gave the oliver trio a normal childhood . but it’s kind of hard to go to public school and not draw attention to yourself when your parents are household names . it was hard for cassandra to understand that her parents were super famous and for some reason that meant something to people . if you asked her , there was no reason to get all starstruck over her parents . they were just people after all .

    so i guess you could say she had a normal childhood . at least , as normal as one could have with their name and photos constantly plastered all over tabloids . cassandra grew up in a happy and loving environment , which is nice . and with her dad working part time as a professor at his alma mater , juilliard , she and her family bounced back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york . and she throughly enjoyed experiencing the best of both worlds . both places felt like home to her and she and her brothers made the best memories together . see , her brothers were her best friends growing up . mason and samuel were five (5) and three (3) years older than her , respectively , and she followed them around everywhere they went . the two boys let her reluctantly at first when mom and dad forced them to but over time it became enjoyable to have her be just another member of their friend group . cassandra was well liked and throughly protected by her brothers and their friends . they shielded her away from all things dangerous : from substances to rude people . this led to a pretty sheltered upbringing . she lived in this little bubble where things were all good all the time .

   as she got older , she had to learn to fend for herself a bit more . no longer was she under the watchful gaze of her brothers , for they had rushed into graduating high school early so that they could pursue their own acting careers-- following in line with their infamous parents . having the oliver last name gave them an advantage in the film industry and they ran with that opportunity . meanwhile , cassandra stayed back and took her time . acting was always something she was interested in . there’s no way she could be a member of her household and not dabble in the art at least a little bit . but it wasn’t a top priority to her for a long time . she didn’t want to rely on her family name to get her somewhere in the industry . if she was going to do it , she wanted to do it right . she wanted to earn her place just like anybody else . and if it worked out for her then great ! and if it didn’t , well she prepared a back-up plan . she elected to go to NYU for business instead of studying acting or just bypassing college all together . she figured if all else failed , then she’d start her own company and branch out of the creative arts .

  and she took her college career very seriously . she’s studious and hard-working , genuinely enjoying learning new things and having a ‘ normal college experience ’. even though people still look at her funny or talk about her behind her back once they figure out why she looks so gosh darn familiar , she’s come to find that college students are much more chill than the kids that used to bombard her with questions about her famous family on the play ground . most days , cassandra gets by feeling like a completely normal girl . no fame or fortune , just a regular schemgular student trying to get by . and she’d probably gotten away with just melting into the background and never breaking out into the limelight if it wasn’t for one little netflix project she agreed on .

  it was just supposed to be another passion project . cassandra had done a few small roles in indie movies at that point . just enough to dip her toes into the movie making world but not enough to drag her away from getting a higher education . but when a script for a new netflix original series was slid in her direction by a family friend turned agent-- well , she just couldn’t put it down ! she loved everything about the show and knew she just had to be a part of it . so she gave up one summer of her life to film OUTER BANKS , not at all thinking that it would blow up the way it did a year later when it premiered . and now news is breaking out that the youngest oliver is finally stepping out into the acting scene , which is warranting a lot of media attention towards her . honestly , she feels pretty good about the project itself . she’s very proud of the show and is incredibly grateful that it’s doing as well as it is . but when it comes to all the notoriety she’s getting because of it , well ... she’s still adjusting to being famous in her own right and not just secondhand through her family . she’s a little overwhelmed . she’s a big girl now that has to navigate through this next chapter of her life without anybody holding her hand or shielding her from the highs and lows of being known . whether or not she thrives in the limelight or crumbles under the pressure is to be determined .

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

i think it’s really funny to call her the third franco brother ( yes dave and james have a third brother , his name is tom ). bc like her brothers are essentially mega stars w all the movies they’ve been in at this point and she’s sort of the other sibling that everyone forgets about . y’know until recently lol

she is a giant sweetheart !! just v lovey and kind and empathetic ,, has a warmth to her that makes it feel like it’s summertime all the time

v humble bc she does not consider herself famous what so ever . like being second-hand famous from her family and getting a few extra instagram followers bc of her last name is one thing , but with the success of her current show she’s being put on covers of magazines , being interviewed for teen vogue and stuff like that , getting verified on everything , and gaining hundreds of thousands of followers DAILY . it’s crazy to her

naive in the sense that she’s rlly out here thinking that everyone has a heart as big as hers and has only the best intentions when sadly that might not be the case !! so like ,,,, probs gets taken advantage of and doesn’t even realize it . or messes things up bc she thinks she can just continue living a normal average joe life when in reality her whole life has been far from average ,, the whole world’s got their eye on her and everything she says and does publicly can and will be scrutinized and she is just …. not prepared for that

wants to have a good time and do cool art sh*t !! as long as she’s being creative in some aspect , she’s happy . honestly doesn’t take a lot to make her happy

but also when she gets sad oh boy oh boy does she get sad . pretty much down and out and nothing anyone says or does can make her feel better unfortunately . will just self isolate and you just gotta let her ride it out ://

hobbies include painting , reading , collecting plants , and taking photos

has a second instagram account just for her photography ! @casstookthis lol

lives with her “babies” which are like 10 house plants and all of her books

v family oriented ! goes to visit her parents regularly and talks to her brothers basically daily despite living on two different coasts

acting was always something she knew she wanted to do-- and that may or may not have to do w her parents’ influence and the pressure to follow in their foot steps just like her brothers did 

as kids , she and her brothers would work together to put on performances in the living room for their parents . they’d make “short films” and upload them to all 6 of their subscribers on youtube

allergic to cats but wants one so bad ,, has never had a pet in her life actually

the little things amuse her . her sense of humor is really quite simple . hit her w some puns and / or a dad joke and you’ll have her rolling

is learning how to speak mandarin and french

always over-prepared , never underprepared ,, needs to feel like she is capable of handling anything or else she panics

cannot tell a lie to save her life , gets nervous and can’t make eye contact

at any given moment , you can tell what she’s thinking and what she’s feeling just from taking one look at her face . sometimes she tries to mask it because she is an actress after all . but it’s not hard to see through the facade that she puts on if you know her well

hopeless romantic af ! romanticizes everything in life ! loves love in all forms , romantic , platonic , self love , whatever ! looks at the world through rose tinted glasses and heart eyes ! probably falls in love with a person , place , or thing at least 5 times a day !

prefers summer and living near a beach / some body of water over living in the middle of the city . so she’ll often visit back home or go stay with her brothers in LA , not just to be closer to family , but to be more in her element

her family has so many houses simply bc their lives are all over the place ???? like they kept her childhood home in new jersey but they also always had a luxury townhouse in new york plus a summer home in the hamptons and a cottage in england and an apartment in los angeles that her brothers currently reside in . she used to just stay in the townhouse while going to school but she recently bought her own apartment bc she wants to be #independent

might catch her as the lead in a new netflix original movie coming soon *wink wink*

is in love with her best friend east harvey and they’re getting married

WANTED CONNECTIONS PAGE HERE

[panelshowsource]

of course! i love susie! here is the susie tag! i made a susie set last week!

all the submissions i’ve ever received in the past were just pictures alongside someone’s opinions/questions... i can’t privately respond to those like i can with an ask, and they never felt quite appropriate to post. what would you want to submit? you can always tag your own content with #panelshowsource and i will see it!

nope! we do have something called "comedians of the world" which features joel dommett, mae martin, nish kumar, ellie taylor, and quite a lot of standup specials like james acaster, jimmy carr, greg davies, daniel sloss, jack whitehall etc. but with a basic internet proxy, anyone can easily swap their country’s netflix account to british netflix to stream these (x) :)

hello! wow i watched that last year bc in the film miles jupp is married to james wilby (of maurice fame, you may well know), so of course i had to see it. miles is genuinely a talented actor, i recommend watching him in the new howards end and also journey’s end. as for chicklit, i just googled “watch chicklit” and it came right up for me x

where is the proof

sure! twink!john is ultimate john... the new special was a bit bleak though wasn’t it? and i can do that anon, i’m trying to make more drunk history gifs anyway :)

can u believe??

god made her incredible at street fighter to make up for her shit dancing. and good job, god, if i may say so

i certainly have — the new eps are always posted to /r/panelshow, so it’s easy to keep up. it’s a pleasant enough show if you’re liberal scum like me :)

hahahaha oh anon, how i wish i knew the exact reason. i live for frankie’s apparent disdain for james corden (which did not in fact end in 2014, because he did a joke about it in the first series of new world order)...

...which is apparently not reciprocated...

i’m sure there’s no real contempt on a personal level, and james, as a comedian, understands how and why he is a punchline to some people (and can take it). that said, i think his generally appearing “fake” in his personality and penchant for laughing a lot as well as not being a particularly clever or original comedic writer brings the groans from other comedians. after he started winning major awards is when it became particularly trendy not to like him *shrug*

yes, yes, and it depends...some comics are good presenters, some are good roasters, some are good at standup, some are good at podcasts. so ! i like john mulaney, maria bamford, bo burnham, robin williams, sam morril, and i love roast battles so a lot of the greats on jeff ross presents roast battle (mike lawrence, matthew broussard, etc). but apart from mulaney i can’t think of any i religiously keep up with!

hello everyone! yes i certainly watched it, i thought it was nice :) it was a good selection of guests and it was nice to see so many new gen panelists on one programme; i think it helped josh & james and tom & rob are such old friends, and obviously jess & james know each other at least mildly well. dynamics make panel shows. i think the format is decent but really dependent on the guests...i could tell so many of the answers were pre-planned with elaborate set ups (props) and i generally find the less obvious that is, the better, so i hope that improves as they move forward. james is also a little less weird and a little more talk show host-y, which is an odd look for him and i’m not sure how i feel about it, bc i assumed josh would be taking that role so james could fuck about a bit — but it certainly feels like the james acaster show 😂 i’ll be interested to see how it continues with different guests. i love the “how much money to do xyz” round, because i play that all the time irl and it’s hilarious making people explain themselves. but i’ll say this: like you guys i obviously really like james, but if we’re being real this is not the funniest panel show of all time aljskfhg or whatever. sometimes i think being consistently pleasant (looking at you, insert name here) can be even better than that. so that’s what i’m hoping for it!

i don’t i’m sorry to say anon. i can see select episodes are on dailymotion but it looks to me like you’ll have to go here and politely make a request. but in the meantime, never forget.........

is that a james acaster fan i detect? ;) x

haha i don’t know what kind of magical powers you think i have as a lil american with 400gb on google drive and no other materials other than the interwebz to watch panel shows, but let me introduce you to a well-known resource around these parts...

vlc is king queen! enjoy! x

right here boo! thank you for your patience!

of course not! imo you’re not asking enough! check out this tag, i’ve been working on it...;)

HMM LET’S CONSIDER...

im right here silly

f.a.q. // tags

ps. thanks to everyone for sending in your feedback on double-giffing, meeting celebs, and more! i got all of your messages and i really enjoyed reading all of your perspectives. to keep the blog (mostly) free of drama and debate, i won’t be publishing most of them, but you can always privately message me if you want to talk more :) and sorry i couldnt do original women weds this week; i had a quick surgery yesterday and i was really tired last night. next week will be really good, promise! x sarah

[volleydorkscentral]

ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS IN THE UNUSUAL ASK GAME, YOU COWARD.

First of all: 

Second, questions under the cut: 

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? - Spotify! all the way. i hoarse my bf’s account so he can never listen but i don’t care it’s mine now it’s full of my music and my playlists and whenever i’m listening to it and it suddenly changes cause he tries to use it on his phone I call him, “are you using spotify?” “oh. i mean i can listen to something else?” “cool, thanks!” and i get my music back. :D

is your room messy or clean? - it’s somewhere in between. my actual ROOM (bed room, i assume) is pretty clean, except i never make the bed. but the house is .. a work in progress. it’s not dirty but it’s cluttered so my bf and I are having to work together to clear that and build shelves and stuff for more storage space.

what color are your eyes? - dark brown! (with little green flecks when I cry)

do you like your name? why? - Not really? i don’t hate it. My mom wanted to name me Savannah but they had her sign the certificate while she was still drugged from her c-section so it ended up as Crystal?? Idk. She named her dolls Crystal when she was a kid.

what is your relationship status? - dating for almost six years. 

how many times a week do you shower? uhhh idk. I don’t shower every day (unless i get gross). AT LEAST four times… but I don’t wash my hair every time cause that’s bad for my hair. I SHOWER WHEN I AM DIRTY.

favorite tv show? does Haikyuu!! count? that’s probably a given. HM. Well, we don’t have cable so I don’t watch a lot of NEW shows? …. OH. Duh. Fuckin me I’m a dumbass. Bob’s Burgers. I literally have it on ALL THE TIME. I don’t like silence so it’s ALWAYS on in the background if i’m not listening to music. I’ve seen every episode a zillion times. I can usually pinpoint every scene and the major lines/jokes.

shoe size? most brands it’s 5 1/2 

how tall are you? SHORTER THAN NISHINOYA BUT TALLER THAN YACHI. I’m like… 5ft-5’1 depending on how much my back hurts. (i used that earlier and someone said it was funny and i’m trash so i’ll repeat it here!)

sandals or sneakers? i wear Bobs LOL. (knock off toms) and i’ve got one pair of sneakers and sometimes I wear my ballet flats around even though my bf says they look dumb fuck u they’re comfy.

do you go to the gym? No. I used to, but where I live now it’d be like a 45 min drive. I don’t really LIKE gyms though? working out is boring to me. No matter how hard I try. I’d love to start dancing again for real.

describe your dream date - April 25th because it’s not too cold and not too hot. Okay but jk that’s a lie where I live it’s balls hot in april. Idk. I’d like to go hiking when it’s not very hot? Take my dog, let her run around. Take a picnic. Sit in a grassy field and talk about dumb shit cause we know each other’s dreams and hopes by now.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? UHM. fuck like…. $27? i know there’s a twenty and a handful of ones. And a handful of change.

what color socks are you wearing? - NONE. MY FEET ARE COLD. FOREVER COLD.

how many pillows do you sleep with? - pft like 6.

do you have a job? what do you do? - No; I quit after being over worked, under appreciated, cheated out of my paychecks a few times, and no job still due to lingering health issues.

how many friends do you have? answered this already!

whats the worst thing you have ever done? - UHM. Idk i haven’t murdered anyone. I don’t like this question cause if i really try to answer it i’ll spiral into a frustrated, furious depression and self-hatred so… NOPE.

whats your favorite candle scent? i’ve got this candle i got from etsy that’s like… Scottish Highlands? It’s grassy and kinda MAGICY.

3 favorite boy names - i don’t really have favorite names?

3 favorite girl names - answered already

favorite actor? god idk. i’m so bad with names and celebrities. uhm. I really like don’t have a favorite. I LIKE a bunch. Benedict Cumberbatch; Freddie Highmore… uhm. uh. Hugh Laurie? 

favorite actress? IDK OKAY?? I LIKE a bunch but i don’t favorite?? I really like Gwendoline Christie. Uhm. Anne Hathaway makes me laugh. MAGGIE SMITH. how could i forget!??!

who is your celebrity crush? I LEGIT don’t have one.

favorite movie? CLUE takes the top spot most days.

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to read a lot more. The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

money or brains?  personality, bitch.

do you have a nickname? what is it? not *really* but people online used to call me Chrys. My bf calls me ‘sweetie’ sometimes but he also calls the dog that so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

how many times have you been to the hospital? - uhm. like the er? Once when I broke my arm. Doc in the box? Not since 2017.

top 10 favorite songs - PFT. Uhm. Jesus just let me die a little. Excluding all Disney; Not in any order:

No One - Biometrix

Danser - Lisandro Cuxi

A Single Moment of Sincerity (E) - Asking Alexandria (the band I was listening to when I designed my rockstar MC that I love so much)

The Annabel Trilogy (a series of 3 albums) - Alesana. Can’t pick a single song because they’re all a part of a huge story. Listen to them.

Chucky vs. The Giant Tortoise - Dance Gavin Dance

Anticoagulant - Sianvar

Ohioisonfire - Of Mice & Men

Coincidance - Handsome Dancer (Watch the Video for the love of god. THANKS ASH FOR THIS GEM)

Devil’s Backbone - The Civil Wars

Still Here - Digital Daggers (i’ve been listening it to a lot for inspiration for a new AU so… yup. That’s gonna be fun and painful)

do you take any medications daily? - yup

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) - i got dry ass skin it sucks

what is your biggest fear? - uhm… physical fear? idk. Heights is a big one that I developed? I used to not care but a while ago I was walking on a bridge and I just… looked over and got FUCKING DIZZZY with nausea and fear that I was gonna fall and almost fainted. 

how many kids do you want? - HONESTLY… one or two.

whats your go to hair style? - tried to brush but gave up so just threw it in a claw clip

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) - moderate? one story, four bedrooms. big ass yard though for the dog

who is your role model? - I don’t really have one.

what was the last compliment you received? - answered already

what was the last text you sent? - actual TEXT message? ‘as long as there’s someone with her overnight she’ll be okay during the day cause of the dog door and stuff. just play with her before you go to work and maybe hide some treats around the house for her to hunt for’ - texting my friend that’s gonna house sit while we go on a family vacation soon.

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? - UH idk the age? i know I saw my mom writing scavenger cards though. My fam has never had a lot of money so to make Christmas more interesting my mom/grandparents (we lived with them till I was in 3rd grade) would make these elaborate scavenger hunts for me and my cousins to do to find our presents around the house or out in the barn or, on one memorable occasion, at the bottom of our pool! Good memories. 

what is your dream car? - one that RUNS and has badass AC and speakers

opinion on smoking? - hate it. please don’t do it around me. my bf’s family alllllll smoke all the time and i get so sick when i have to go on vacation with them and be around it for a long time. 

do you go to college? - i DID. I went to Culinary school and majored in Baking & Pastry

what is your dream job? - Author or Dog Trainer

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? - rural as all hell. give me trees, cows, and horses. 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Not usually? but usually the people i’m with do. 

do you have freckles? Not on my face (except one) but i’ve got more like… on my arms and just randomly all over but i dont think ‘freckles’ would be what anyone thinks of when they think of me

do you smile for pictures? - only if i’m forced to be in them

how many pictures do you have on your phone?  - HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well. Before I got my new phone it was over 10k. Now though its only about 2k. 

have you ever peed in the woods? - Only when I was camping. 

do you still watch cartoons? - ALL THE GODDAMN TIME

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? - neither. but i HATE WENDYS and can tolerate McD’s fries and they’ve got ballin’ sweet tea so I guess McD.

Favorite dipping sauce? this honey dijon creamy thing at my favorite French restaurant but idk what is is.

what do you wear to bed? - t-shirt 

have you ever won a spelling bee? - YUP. 2nd grade.  

what are your hobbies? - writing, crocheting, photography, reading, uh… i forget what else

can you draw? when i was doing it all the time i did ok? but i’m WAY TOO IMPATIENT now a days to do it. 

do you play an instrument? - no but i wish i did :(

what was the last concert you saw? - i’ve never been to a concert. crowds are icky

tea or coffee? - tea!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? - already answered this

do you want to get married? - Yes pls

what is your crush’s first and last initial? - (bf, but I suppose i still have a crush on him? is love considered a crush?) J. Y. 

are you going to change your last name when you get married? god yes. my current last name is my shitbag of a sperm doner and i hate it. my mom kept it after they divorced only cause she thought her maiden name would be too hard for me to spell but i would give anything to have that name instead

what color looks best on you? - idk. i prefer black but i’ve been told green and certain shades of pink/yellow. 

do you miss anyone right now? - not until i thought about it, thanks

do you sleep with your door open or closed? open so my pupper can go in and out

do you believe in ghosts? not until i’m faced with darkness and creepy things 

what is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing their food loud. people not picking up after themselves. people interrupting me (but not in the excited, OMG way. that we can work though) but in the ‘i don’t care what you’re saying i’m going to talk now’ way

last person you called` - my bf to discuss plans for his brother’s bday

favorite ice cream flavor? cookies n’ cream!

regular oreos or golden oreos? DOUBLE STUFF OF EITHER

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? FUCK SPRINKLES

what shirt are you wearing? a shirt that has my dog’s face on it :D

what is your phone background? - the art that Ash drew of Bokuto from my fic Just a Taste!!

are you outgoing or shy? - i hate talking to strangers but with my friends i’m pretty fucking loud and chatty

do you like it when people play with your hair? only people i know

do you like your neighbors? nope. he’s an asshole who neglected his dog and i wanna skin him alive

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? i do my best to remember to do it at night but i always do it when i shower

have you ever been high? yup. 

have you ever been drunk? yup

last thing you ate? BIRTHDAY CAKE

favorite lyrics right now - idk? i guess the first lyrics that came to mind, even though they’re not my favorite, just ones that i like and were stuck in my head for a while: “All of the handsome fiction / will melt away / and when the flame burns brighter / Evaporate” Evaporate - Dance Gavin Dance

summer or winter?  WINTER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. IT’S SO FUCKING HOT IN SUMMER I DIE EVERY DAY

day or night? both have their merits

dark, milk, or white chocolate? - all chocolate but i prefer white to just EAT. 

favorite month? uhm. uhh. November maybe? for NaNoWriMo. 

what is your zodiac sign - pftt.. i think i used to be a Gemini? i don’t believe in all that stuff 

who was the last person you cried in front of? - ….. my dog? but probably my mom and Grandmother when my GM basically said my bf didn’t love me and was a shit human being and i was a shit granddaughter for loving him. i was both upset and furious and i walked away from them. (my mom called and apologized, but i haven’t spoken to my GM since)

THERE ASH ARE YOU GODDAMN HAPPY. that took so long LOL (I hope the formatting came through I had to redo it on this tumblr page UGH)

[endgameexecutor]

So my wife, @crazygingerlady, wanted to see how much I’ve changed over the years. So here’s an ask meme I answered ages ago with updated answers. The old answers can be found here.

What was your:

Last drink: Cranberry lemonade, babey!

Last phone call: My wife. OvO

Last text message: (From my sister about a crab she caught): Could be a girl.

Last song you listened to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJAvPsSeXvg

Last time you cried: Bitch I wish I could cry. It would prolly help me get out all these bad emotions squatting in my body, not paying their dopamine rent.

EDIT: My wife informs me I was crying over how cute baby snakes were last night.

Have you ever:

Dated someone twice: Does dating my wife constantly count?

Been cheated on:

Kissed someone and regretted it: Only once, when I poked Jayde’s eye with my nose.

Lost someone special: I lost my grandmother when I was a child. I couldn’t even comprehend what was going on back then. It hit me like a truck a phew years later and I felt like shit when it did.

Been depressed: Been?

Been drunk and thrown up: Still don’t drink. Maybe if I had something blue and fruity...

In the past year have you:

Made a new friend: Lot’s of them in my college classes. Right now they’re on Discord shitposting about Seto Kaiba.

Fallen out of love: That’s an emotional roller coaster I plan to never ride again.

Laughed until you cried: Every time my wife says something funny. Unless it’s terrible terrible terrible.

Met someone who changed you: See: “My wife.”

Found out who your real friends are: I can trust no one in this filthy world but my cat, Arby.

Found out someone was talking about you: Are they? ...Are they saying nice things?

Kissed anyone on your Facebook list: Jayde were we Facebook friends before or after we kissed?

EDIT: She informs me it was before.

General:

How many people on your FB friends do you know irl?: I’m in a long distance relationship with my wife so that one’s a technicality. All my other IRL friends use Discord.

Do you have any pets?: Four cats. One with anxiety, one doesn’t like me, one’s a sweet angel, and one’s Arby.

Do you want to change your name?: Can I add titles like “Duke”?

What did you do for your last birthday?: Get a surprise visit from my wife who I proceeded to hug for a solid three minutes.

What time did you wake up today?: Nine-thirty. Or at least I’m hoping I woke up. I’ve got errands to run.

What were you doing at midnight last night?: Binging Criminal Minds way past bedtime.

Name something you CANNOT wait for: The fall of capitalism.

Last time you saw your mother: About a week ago. I’m the man of the house for now. Those plants you see outside? I watered them. Yeah, I’m a big deal.

What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself: Hi I’d like to return this depression with the executive dysfunction that came with it.

What are you listening to rn?: The dulcet tones of Jayde’s AC because I’m Skyping her while I write this.

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: I was on the highschool math team with one but let me ask this; why Tom? Why is that such and important name to you? Are you looking for a Tom? Did he break your heart?

What’s getting on your nerves rn?: The loneliness that comes with being the only person in this house.

Nickname: My wife calls me Bingus.

Relationship status: In a long-distance relationship, with my wife, @crazygingerlady.

Zodiac sign:  ♉

Pronouns: He/him

Favourite tv show: I am fickle man, but right now the first two to come to mind are Criminal Minds and Star Vs.

High school: No thank you I ain’t reliving that. I think I was even more depressed and self-destructive back then.

College: Actually really enjoying my current degree in graphic design!

Hair colour: Still brown. Also why the “u”? Is this questionnaire some sort of data collection means for British spies? Or did I change it back then because I thought it made me look “cultured”?

It really just made me look like a twat.

Long or short: It was long and curly but then Jayde gave it a trim when I last saw her.

Height: Taller than you’ll ever be and that’s all that I need to say.

Do you have a crush on someone?: Golly gee whoever could it be?

What do you like about yourself?: Apparently I look real good in button-up flannel.

Tattoos: I have a plan to get “ARE YA NASTY” penned right on my cheeks before the year is out.

Righty or lefty: Righty.

First surgery: After a cursory check I have confirmed all my organs are in their proper places.

First piercing: One time I had this really bad splinter does that count?

First best friend: I think it was actually this kid who hit me in the face with a shovel. I don’t think we were friend for too long after that.

First sport you joined: Soccer when I was a kid. Went through a child league or something of the sort and stopped. I was not very good at it and am no better as an adult!

First vacation: Seattle as a kid, pity I can’t remember a lick of it on account of being baby.

First pair of trainers: I still have no idea what the fuck this means. Maybe the OP really was from the UK.

Rn:

Eating: Currently digesting a Taco Bell quesadilla.

Drinking: And a Strawberry Icee from the same place.

I’m about to: I’m not sure, I might go to France’s many vineyards and sample their finest wines. Or I might just finish up this questionnaire. I dunno.

Listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAbNynH35pw

Waiting for: My family to get home and also dreading it a little as well. Sure it was lonely, but it was also quiet.

Want kids: I already have baby names lined up.

Get married: Jayde’s grandparent’s have been looking at rings for us already.

Career: Remember when it seemed like I was going to be an accountant? Me either. Let’s keep going with graphic design like my wife was right about.

Which is better:

Lips or eyes?: If you’re asking what I like in a partner then I’ve gotta ask why exactly you’re making me choose!

Hugs or kisses?: Excuse me while I fucking embrace my wife.

Shorter or taller? I love my short, fat wife.

Older or younger? Older. My wife has a whole year on me! Grandma.

Romantic or spontaneous? I feel like there’s an overlap but I definitely need to plan more dates to surprise Jayde with...

Nose, stomach or nice arms? This still sounds serial-killer-ish but if I’m to set that aside, stomach.

Sensitive or loud? Bitch Jayde’s both. And I love it.

Hook up or relationship? I’m so happy with the one I’m in now. I ain’t ever gonna stop loving her. Bitch.

Troublemaker or hesitant? I dunno, I guess that would depend on trouble for who? Though given the bad ideas I suggest I’m really glad Jayde doesn’t do any of them.

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger? Only when I pretend not to know who Jayde is.

Drank hard liquor? I’m not sure how to put a funny spin this. Next!

Lost glasses or contacts? I can’t wear them lest they reduce the beauty of my stunning hazel eye-things.

Sex on first date? That one is gonna be a nada for good.

Broke someone’s heart? I have, I still feel fucking terrible about it.

Been arrested? Nope, my record is clean aside from those traffic tickets.

Turned someone down? Yup, I had to tell Arby he wouldn’t get more food because he’d already been fed.

Cried when someone died? Not immediately. I think the “losing a loved one” covers that pretty well.

Fallen for a friend? Story of Jayde and I’s relationship.

Do you believe:

In yourself? On good days, yeah I do. I also might be too confident in my graphic design skills though.

Miracles? Yes, his name is Sirius and he’s Jayde’s baby boy.

Love at first sight? With my wife, but at the time my dumb-ass didn’t realize it. I’m as dense as lead.

Heaven? I’m not sure how to answer that. I mean I won’t fight against it’s existence but I ain’t but all my chips on it either.

Santa Claus? That was explained to me years ago but like hell I’ll ruin it for my kids. How much do red suits cost?

Kiss at first date? I’m not sure so I just kiss Jayde a lot to cover my bases.

EDIT: Jayde says our first “real” date was at the aquarium, and we kissed a lot.

Angels?: Have you seen my wife?

Speaking of I hope this gives a better idea of how I’ve changed over the years. I love you sweetie<3

[friendly-neighborhood-mess]

#1-100, answer them all nOW

Ahhhh yas okay

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

SPOTIFY

*is your room messy or clean?

it…depends.

*what color are your eyes?

hazel/honey c:

*do you like your name? why?

meh, it’s alright .*what is your relationship status? 

single af.

*describe your personality in 3 words or less

laughs at everything.

*where do you shop?

at a store duh.

*how would you describe your style?

casual, but cool and comfy… sometimes.

*favorite social media account

TUMBLR.

any siblings?

yas.

*if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

oh man, so many places. maybe Italy, or london, or new york, or oslo or so many otherssss.

*favorite snapchat filter? 

oh! the one with the glasses and the freckles.

*favorite makeup brand(s)

uhhh, mac, maybelline…yep. 

*how many times a week do you shower?

7.

*favorite tv show?

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS THE BEST.

*shoe size?

not sure, because all of the countries have different charts of sizes and it confuses me.

*how tall are you?

same answer that before.

*sandals or sneakers? 

i will wear sneakers till the day i die.

*do you go to the gym? 

uhhhhhhh.

*describe your dream date

lots of laughs, not being awkward, going home with a smile on the face. 

*how much money do you have in your *wallet at the moment?

what is money anyway.

*what color socks are you wearing? 

not wearing socks.

*how many pillows do you sleep with?

1, 2 max.

*do you have a job? what do you do? 

i wish i did but no :c 

*whats the worst thing you have ever done? 

i once broke my sister’s laptop BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

*whats your favorite candle scent? 

vanilla. 

*3 favorite boy names

alex, sam and Carter, and tom and peter.

*3 favorite girl names

sophie, anna, gwen.

*favorite actor? 

rdj, tom holland, chris pratt, sam claflin…

*favorite actress? 

cobie smulders, lily collins, emilia clarke…

*who is your celebrity crush?

you should know that by now tom in case you don’t .

*favorite movie? 

I CAN’T JUST PICK ONE.

*do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? 

not a lot lot but i read. I CAN’T JUST PICK ONE.

*money or brains? 

brains.

*do you have a nickname? what is it? 

mo, mon, monts. basically just take or add a letter every time.

*how many times have you been to the hospital?

one, when i was born lol. (like i have been to the doctor, but like being in the bed conected to machines, never).

*top 10 favorite songs

I CAN’T JUST PICK 10.

*what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

hmm, sometimes oily, sometimes dry, sometimes fine.

*what is your biggest fear? 

spiders, snakes, the deep ocean, spiders, how small we are compared to the universe and SPIDERS.

*how many kids do you want? 

uh idk, 2?

*whats your go to hair style?

it’s either up or down, i can do better, i’m just lazy.

*who is your role model? 

my grandpa.

*what was the last compliment you received?

that i have pretty eyes.

*what was the last text you sent?

*a meme* me: “ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA”.

*how old were you when you found out *santa wasn’t real?

SANTA’S NOT REAL??!! 

neh just kidding, like 10/12 not sure.

*what is your dream car? 

huh, never thought about it.

*opinion on smoking?

nope.

*what is your dream job? 

actress or writer.

*would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

oh man, i love both. 

*do you take shampoo and conditioner *bottles from hotels? 

yeah, when they smell nice.

*do you have freckles? 

no :c

*do you smile for pictures?

yep.

*how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

a lot. (mostly memes)

*have you ever peed in the woods? 

nope.

*do you still watch cartoons? 

yas. 

*do you prefer chicken nuggets from *Wendy’s or McDonalds?

i have only tried the burgers at wendy’s so mcdonalds.

*Favorite dipping sauce? 

don’t have one.

*what do you wear to bed? 

pjs.

*have you ever won a spelling bee?

yes!

* what are your hobbies?

music, reading, drawing, netflix, music, walking, music…

*can you draw? 

i´m no professional but i can draw somethings.

*do you play an instrument?

the piano, and i’m learning the ukulele. 

*tea or coffee?

coffeeeee.

*Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

starbucks and dunkin donuts.

*do you want to get married?

sure, in the far away future.

*what is your crush’s first and last initial?

not telling. 

*are you going to change your last name *when you get married? 

nope.

*what color looks best on you? 

according to my mom, green, not sure if i agree tho.

*do you miss anyone right now? 

yes.

*what is your biggest pet peeve? 

 i am impatient and can be talkative lmao.

*last person you called`

my friend.

*favorite ice cream flavor? 

cookies n’ cream, choco-mint or cinnamon.

*regular oreos or golden oreos? 

R E G U L A R.

*chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

rainboooow, they make my ice cream look pretty.

*what shirt are you wearing? 

a black hoodie lol.

*what is your phone background?

my lock screen is a hand dropping planets and my home screen, some planets.

*are you outgoing or shy?

both. like i can talk to people and have fun blah blah, but i can be the shiest person.

*do you like it when people play with hair?

YES.

*do you like your neighbors? 

well, they say good morning and i say it back.

*do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

yes, at both times.

*last thing you ate? 

a chocolate bar hehe.

*favorite lyrics right now

“will i have grown a little empire or made a fucking mess”.

*summer or winter? 

winter.

*day or night? 

both.

*dark, milk, or white chocolate? 

milk and white.

*favorite month? 

october.

*what is your zodiac sign

scorpio.

* who was the last person you cried in front of? 

my mom.

[detoxdolan]

Another Late Tag

🎀Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people some of your faves.

I am aware that this is hella long and hella late, but I appreciate being tagged in these things and I love learning about all you lovely people in the fandom.

ALRIGHT LETS GET ITTTTT.

Last: 1. Drink - H2O bro 2. Phone call - I got a phone call from an unknown number while I was at work, so I called back and a random lady with a British accent answered and said she never called me??? 🤔 3. Text message - I’m currently absent from a game, so one of my teammates is filling me in on all the tea I’m missing. Apparently there’s beef between teams. 👀 4. Song you listened to - Praise You by Fatboy Slim (it was in a playlist, let me live.) 😂 5. Time you cried - uhhh Monday (today is Wednesday). So basically two days ago. 😅

Ever: 6. Dated someone twice? - Yes haha 7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Definitely.  8. Been cheated on - stealing this quote from @spiffydolan​ 👉 “technically yes, but really no” 9. Lost someone special - Yes 😳 10. Been depressed - ..Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - haha never 😁😁

3 Favorite colours: 12. Neutrals - Black, white, and beige  13. Blue!!! 14. Trendy Colours - so your basic olive green, millennial pink, maroon etc etc 

In the last year (2017) have you: 15. Made new friends - I made this account in December and made so many friends on here that I’m so grateful for every day 😭AND THAT’S JUST ON TUMBLR. I feel like I branched out a lot this year and met so many cool ppl. 2017 was a good year.  16. Fallen out of love - Yes..and tbh it’s one of the worst feelings ever.  17. Laughed until you cried - not something I do often, but I think so. 18. Found out someone was talking about you - haha all the time #TalkShitGetHit 19. Met someone who changed you - Yes.  20. Found out who your friends are - “When people show you their true colours, believe them.” 👉 I feel like we all know the truth about who people are and its just a matter of whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. There are a lot of people in my life that I know shouldn’t be here but I don’t have the heart to let go of just yet..it’s a work in progress.  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - uhhhhh probably LOL

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - tbh, I tried to do a facebook cleanse and remove anyone I didn’t associate with in real life but that lasted for like 2 seconds LMAO 23. Do you have any pets - I have a weenie dog 😊 24. Do you want to change your name - I don’t quite like my name, but I don’t think anything else would match me???  25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went to a club with my 2 best friends and we ran into some friends and celebrated all together. Then I had a intimate little dinner with all my closest friends and family. OH I also cut all my hair off - so I guess there’s that 😂😂 Best birthday I’ve had so far. 26. What time did you wake up today - 7:45 am, even though my alarm was set for 8:45 🙄 27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping, most likely. Or finishing up a FaceTime sesh with @silly-silly-fangirl​  28. What is something you can’t wait for - Everything and anything involving @silly-silly-fangirl​ #Toronto2k18 30. What are you listening to right now - Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw (against my better judgement, this is for a music challenge)  31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I..don’t think so? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - Haha a lot of things. Uhh lets see: My boss, my friends, negative ppl EVERYWHERE 33. Most visited website - Probably Tumblr or YouTube 34. Hair color - Chestnut Brown. I know this because when I used to colour pictures as a kid with pencil crayon, I would use the Chestnut Brown pencil crayon for my hair. 😂😂 35. Long or short hair -  In the aforementioned birthday question, I cut all my hair off, but its growing back.                                                                                          36. Do you have a crush on someone - Lol I have like..a crush for every occasion. I have a work crush, a school crush, a basketball crush..literally a crush for every place I go.                                                                                   37. What do you like about yourself - Turning Pain into Power, Positivity, and Patience. 4 P’s 🙏

38. Want any piercings? - I was thinking about getting my seconds because literally everyone has so many badass piercings and I dont (my parents would kill me). 39. Blood type - B positive! I got tested at a lil set up at my school for blood donation. DONATE BLOOD YALL!!!! Seriously, you could save like 3 lives from that ish.  40. Nicknames - Ni, Nina, Nitts/Mama Nitts (why), Nids, NiNi, T, Nitty, Littya etc etc 41. Relationship status - Single and satisfied ✌️ 42. Zodiac - Leo ♌ 43. Pronouns - she/her 44. Favorite TV shows - Jane the Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Riverdale (these are just recents)  45. Tattoos - Honey....would u put a bumper sticker on a bentley  46. Right or left handed - righty is tighty  ✌️ ✌️ 47. Ever had surgery - I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but I wasn’t put to sleep. I had local anesthetic and I was awake for the whole thing, IT WAS FUCKING BRUTAL I cried the whole time the dental assistant had to wipe my tears throughout the procedure lmao  48. Piercings - I have a tongue ring 😜🤘 49. Sport - Cheerleading 🎀 50. Vacation - Tryna reach NOLA for Mardi Gras next year you already knowwww @spiffydolan​ 🎉🎉 51. Trainers - wut

More general: 52. Eating - either way too much or not enough and no in between 53. Drinking - Water. Always water. I got some free coconut water at work though, so I mean that was pretty cool. 54. I’m about to watch - Riverdale? idk I got a lot of shows to catch up on. 55. Waiting for - My new apartment to be ready! 🤗 56. Want - mostly just a bunch of household things for my new place. But also, want @silly-silly-fangirl​ to come visit me in Toronto :( 57. Get married - Yeah, maybe. I gotta find someone to like me first 😅 58. Career - I’ve lowkey always wanted to be a teacher and my entire life has basically been me avoiding becoming a teacher soooo yeah lmao. Right now I’m on the track to Midwifery but I’m? chaning my mind?? idk. 

Which is better: 59. Hugs or kisses - I wanna say hugs cause I feel like you can’t kiss everyone. But the people you can kiss...damn.  60. Lips or eyes - eyes 61. Shorter or taller - I’m not one of those cute, dainty, short girls. I’m 5′6, so taller would be appreciated  😅 62. Older or younger - older 63. Nice arms or stomach - I have neither so 💁 64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship? idk I’m kinda living the single life rn and I’m just chilling so I wouldn’t mind a casual thing here or there BUT WHO HAS THE TIME 65. Troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the best mix of both 😏

Have you ever: 66. Kissed a stranger - Yes 🙈 67. Drank hard liquor - Yes 68. Lost glasses - Probably 69. Turned someone down - Yes 😪 70. Sex on first date - Not...yet? 71. Broken someones heart - Yes  72. Had your heart broken - Yes 😞 73. Been arrested - Nope 😇 74. Cried when someone died - Yes 💔 75. Fallen for a friend - Not a close friend, but yeah.

Do you believe in: 76. Yourself - I do 😌 77. Miracles - Absolutely 78. Love at first sight - Maybe not? Probably more like a significant encounter typa vibe

79. Santa Claus - haha no 80. Kiss on a first date - To be proper, no. Butttt there are def exceptions. 81. Angels - YES 

Other: 82. Best friend’s name - In the great words of Mindy Kaling “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” Butttt @silly-silly-fangirl​ (If u couldn’t already tell) is one of my favorite people on this planet atm. 83. ‎Eye color - Brown? I wanna say hazel, but the twins literally INVENTED hazel w their eye colour and I cannot compete. 84. Favorite movie - Hardest question ever...I always say Zorro 85. ‎Favorite actor - Leonardo DiCaprio? Viola Davis? Robert DeNiro??

Thank you so so much to @spiffydolan for the tag. U da best. 💜💜

Gonna tag some of my favorite blogs at the moment. If you’ve already been tagged/want to sit out of this tag, consider this a shoutout! Thanks for being awesome 😊 @ethandolanakae-tee-wee-tee @laneswervingdolan @pandasaremyspritanimal @broncodolan @silly-silly-fangirl @coconutethan @dolanwaffles

[rosemary-butch]

1-100

aw fuck. aw fuck

putting this on the read more jakdfjakadjfs

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

spotify ofc

is your room messy or clean?

i try to keep it clean !

what color are your eyes?

greenish

do you like your name? why?

my full name is okay but i do prefer jo

what is your relationship status?

single lol

describe your personality in 3 words or less

gay, depressed, considerate

what color hair do you have?

dark brown!

what kind of car do you drive? color?

a tan volkswagen passat, but the trunk is a different color and smashed up adfkajsd

where do you shop?

marshalls is always my go to

how would you describe your style?

if you mashed punk, grunge, and california skater boy styles

favorite social media account

prob my twitter bc i actually put intelligent thoughts there

what size bed do you have?

queen !

any siblings?

yes a brother and a half brother

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

i’d love to live in the mountains, like colorado!

favorite snapchat filter?

i dont use snapchat filters a lot? the heart one looks cute

favorite makeup brand(s)

i dont wear makeup, but i like burts bees for chapstick

how many times a week do you shower?

at least 6, i try to keep it at 7

favorite tv show?

adventure time rn

shoe size?

womens 10 mens 8

how tall are you?

5′9!

sandals or sneakers?

sneakers

do you go to the gym?

no lol i have a treadmill at home

describe your dream date

hmmm probably going on a picnic in a secluded forest or beach, and staying for the sunset and stargazing

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

cash? none but i have my debit card

what color socks are you wearing?

they’re black and mismatched, one has pink stars and the other has green stripes

how many pillows do you sleep with?

4!

do you have a job? what do you do?

yeah, i work with organic produce at a local farm market

how many friends do you have?

like 3 close friends

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

sneak out probably

whats your favorite candle scent?

anything vanilla or bakery scented! i love cinnamon roll scents

3 favorite boy names

idk i have no opinion

3 favorite girl names

holly daisy or ellen! if i have a daughter i’ll name her one of those

favorite actor?

idk, tom holland prob. i gotta protect him

favorite actress?

daisy ridley !!!!!!

who is your celebrity crush?

daisy ridley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

favorite movie?

my neighbor totoro lol

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i don’t read as much as i would like, and idk i havent read in a while

money or brains?

idc, as long as they have a good personality

do you have a nickname? what is it?

jo lol, or jojo from some family, or jolene from my close friends

how many times have you been to the hospital?

i’ve been admitted a few times

top 10 favorite songs

uhh going away to college by blink, sleepover by hayley kiyoko, under the bridge by rhcp, longview by green day, mr brightside by the killers, africa by toto, toxic by britney spears, fat lip by sum 41, walking contradiction by green day, and online songs by blink

do you take any medications daily?

yeah antidepressants

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

dry primarily

what is your biggest fear?

hmmmm men probably

how many kids do you want?

idk, none as of right now but we’ll see

whats your go to hair style?

left alone lol

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

big i guess? theres an upstairs and a basement

who is your role model?

billie joe armstrong

what was the last compliment you received?

someone liked my piercings yesterday lol

what was the last text you sent?

“Sure that works”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

idk, i kinda figured it out between age 7-9

what is your dream car?

jeep liberty

opinion on smoking?

cigarettes? no thanks. major turn off

do you go to college?

yeah

what is your dream job?

working as a biochemist for nasa or finding possible medications in the amazon

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

no lol i think i’m a minority here

do you have freckles?

yep ! they’re faded

do you smile for pictures?

recently i’ve been trying to

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

1193

have you ever peed in the woods?

nope

do you still watch cartoons?

yes !!

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

i don’t eat meat but i trust wendys more

Favorite dipping sauce?

honey mustard

what do you wear to bed?

a t shirt and sweatpants or boxers

have you ever won a spelling bee?

yeah in my class lol

what are your hobbies?

knitting, crocheting, watercolor painting

can you draw?

ehh a little

do you play an instrument?

ukulele on occasion

what was the last concert you saw?

i went to the warped tour last year lol

tea or coffee?

tea!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

tbh wawa, starbucks is too pricey and dunkin is gross

do you want to get married?

yeah!!! i want a wife!

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

cw

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

depends on if their last name is cooler than mine lol, or if they want to change theirs

what color looks best on you?

blacks and dark blues

do you miss anyone right now?

idk i’m pretty null rn

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

open so my cat can go in and out

do you believe in ghosts?

idk, i don’t have a strong opinion

what is your biggest pet peeve?

people being late

last person you called?

my brother on facetime

favorite ice cream flavor?

im lactose intolerant but i love strawberry lmao

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular ??

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

rainbow!! i have to by gay law

what shirt are you wearing?

my brother’s military squadron shirt he gave me

what is your phone background?

spirited away scenery

are you outgoing or shy?

probably in the middle? i don’t put myself out there but i approach people who look lonely

do you like it when people play with your hair?

yes omfg

do you like your neighbors?

they’re old they’re okay

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

i used to in the shower but i ran out akdfjasdk

have you ever been high?

yeah

have you ever been drunk?

nope

last thing you ate?

ramen lmao

favorite lyrics right now

hmm idk i haven’t really been listening to lyrics a lot

summer or winter?

summer !

day or night?

night~

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

dark def

favorite month?

may

what is your zodiac sign

aries

who was the last person you cried in front of?

my therapist prob

cat this took me too long thank u (i’m procrastinating)

[banhchao]

draco deserved that redemption arc WAAAAY more than snape did. draco was a terrified CHILD (definitley gay) who was raised by racists and basically was balckmailed into doing the HBP thing, whereas snape was willingly doing the wizard equivalent of white supremacy for most of his life, if harry had been a girl and looked like lily snape wouldve lusted after her (eww) draco deserved a redemtion arc and to and up gay and married to harry. hinny is hollow crap

🪐 Note: I have not read the books in about 7 years lol so bear with me. Nor have watched the movies in a minute. I probably will soon at some point.

Hoo boy there is a lot to cover here lol.

I think what’s interesting about Snape’s redemption arc is that it’s all been planned out from the very beginning so every action and decision he made happened knowingly with the purpose of a redemption arc (fun fact: Alan Rickman knew of Snape’s arc before the movies finished filming or the books were even released lol). I think that both Snape and Draco could have had redemption arcs... I don’t understand why JKR couldn’t have done that ? A lot of ppl feel that Snape shouldn’t have had one and I do agree with that; personally tho he isn’t very much redeemed in my eyes. Like sure, we find out his true intentions as a “good guy” but I find him too selfish to actually be redeemed. Treating Harry and the other children like dirt and bullying them was pure selfishness and acted out as pettiness and revenge for Harry looking like, acting like and being James’ son. I think u r right that things would have gone so differently if Harry was a girl; Snape would have seen Lily in her and protected her (to the point of creepy). His “good guy” intentions could have just been fueled by his love of Lily and only that, which is inherently selfish. He did have a preference for the dark arts after all and willingly chose that; what else would have kept him on the good side other than her? There is no excuse for him being mentally, emotionally and physically abusive towards children despite his so-called “good intentions”; if he needed an outlet for his stress he could have just started a hobby like .... gobstones ? But I digress.

(Tho I have to admit... James and Sirius were lil bitches towards Snape akskdjdkdkdkdkck they aren’t completely off the hook either! )

Draco, Draco, Draco... I have always had a very much hate-love relationship with him since I was young lol but now that I’m an adult I understand him so much better. the headcanon of him being gay is likely (I mean, Harry & Draco were abnormally obsessed with each other lol especially Draco. I refuse 2 believe his obsession was pure hatred and jealousy - the dude’s favourite conversation topic with Crabbe and Goyle is “Saint Potter”. ) Draco has said some very NASTY things, and has had a very elitist, classist, racist mindset since young BUT it’s so important to take into account that as you said, he was indeed indoctrinated by his parents and grew up not knowing anything else. He truly believed he was better than everybody for being rich and a pure blood and that everybody should worship him and bow down at his feet; if not, they were doing morally wrong for not respecting their “superior”. Malfoy saw himself as a God that deserved love and respect solely for existing. And it may sound ridiculous but I get that, because he knew absolutely nothing else growing up and it was drilled into him before his brain had even started to form ! Malfoy sure was a lil bitch and I hate the awful things he would say to the trio and about Hagrid but I believe that deep inside his heart was good. His actions and words were a direct result of how he was raised and I believe if he was raised differently and with the freedom to actually make the right choices, he would make them. Malfoy was simply a child raised in a toxic, abusive household with disgusting ideals. He didn’t know anything else but knew that if he stepped out of line of what he was taught, he would get punished. he deserved the chance to redeem himself (which is seen in a deleted scene in the movie) and to make his own choices and break free from the chains his family put around him. He was only a child when Voldemort asked him to kill Dumbledore; he was terrified of having to do it but even more terrified of dealing with the consequences if he didn’t (getting killed himself). What’s worse tho is that he felt like there was no other way out. We all deserved the chance to see Draco live happily and freely, to see where his heart was actually really set without any sort of outer influence and to see how much he can change with the mindset he chose himself. Such a waste that we canonically could never.

(also can i just say? tom felton did a phenomenal job portraying draco; i remember i couldn’t get that bathroom sectumsepra scene out of my head for weeks. i love him ~)

Although I would fight Malfoy on sight if we ever went to school together, something that will always break my heart about him is how lonely he is. Malfoy is by far the LONELIEST person in the series. He has never had a friend in his ENTIRE LIFE and with no redemption arc, we don’t see if he ever gains one even now. Crabbe and Goyle collectively have .5 of a brain cell and were just his lil minions to have power and control over. But could Malfoy ever talk to them ? Rant to them ? Let them know of his emotions and troubles and demons ? No ! Pansy was very smart and calculative but she probably hung around Draco for a similar reason to Crabbe and Goyle; purebloods stick together to maximize their power. She would have probably seen Malfoy’s emotions as a weakness. Which leaves Malfoy to have to deal with everything alone and seem fine on the outside but completely destroyed within. Nobody would understand the pressures he would have to go through from his family, the toxicity and abuse from his father, how he wasn’t so sure of the reality his family had crafted around him anymore. He had nobody to help him deal with this, nobody to listen to him and understand. He deserves a hug.

Tbh the only ship I’m completely onboard with is Romione lol. Hinny is okay; I think JKR did that mainly to have Ron, Hermione and Harry to collectively all be in the same family (it’s so cute how their kids are cousins ! 🥺) drarry would be a much more interesting dynamic; enemies-to-lovers + redemption arc would have been dope !

[damnimhooked]

1-100 😘

Good god woman I was kidding xx. It’d be amazing if people bothered to read thisSpotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? SPOTIFY although I love supporting artists on soundcloud. I hate pandora is your room messy or clean?Messy but not terriblewhat color are your eyes?Greeeendo you like your name? why?No not really. It sounds weird and when people say it it feels weird. People say it’s a nice name but idkwhat is your relationship status? Well it was on the verge of possibly being something but the ex got involved so I stepped away because I don’t get involved with people and their ex’sdescribe your personality in 3 words or lessFunny. Insecure. Weirdwhat color hair do you have?Blonde what kind of car do you drive? color?where do you shop?I don’t have a car but I really want a Jeep Wranglerhow would you describe your style?Fucking amazingfavorite social media accountHonestly tumblr and instagramwhat size bed do you have? It’s fucking tiny ahahany siblings?Older brotherif you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?In some tropical beach housefavorite snapchat filter? Used to be the dog. Now I hardly use them anymorefavorite makeup brand(s)I don’t wear make up. But I work at a chemist and I’m fascinated by “nude by nature” which is an Australian brand that I always buy for girls I knowhow many times a week do you shower?...everyday???Ok actually false. Sometimes I miss one or two daysfavorite tv show?Fuck. Idek anymore shoe size?Really big actually. Idk size it’s faded but big af and I trip on them all the timehow tall are you?Nearly 6ftsandals or sneakers? Sneakers!do you go to the gym? Less than I’d likedescribe your dream dateEither the beach or somewhere else just laughing hugging kissing and talking for hours at nighthow much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?$60what color socks are you wearing? Blackhow many pillows do you sleep with?Twodo you have a job? what do you do? I work at a chemist and I’m a pharmacy assistanthow many friends do you have? Not manywhats the worst thing you have ever done? Played someonewhats your favorite candle scent? Lavender3 favorite boy namesMike, jack, Jai3 favorite girl namesKayley, Isabelle, Emilyfavorite actor? Tom Hollandfavorite actress? Gal gadot who is your celebrity crush?JACK MOHERFUCKING AVERYfavorite movie? Atm fast and furious 7/8do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Not as much as I’d like atm I’m reading Bawse by superwoman money or brains? I mean money. But if I had brains I could get money. So brains for the goal of getting moneydo you have a nickname? what is it? Weshow many times have you been to the hospital?Maybe 7-15 somewhere in that numbertop 10 favorite songsSit still look prettyIt won’t kill yaBack to sleepSwimming pools by Troye SivanWords I didn’t sayLove so soft...ready for itEnd gameReplay - zendayaTake you home tonight - Jonah maraisdo you take any medications daily? Yes anti anxietywhat is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Combinationwhat is your biggest fear? Drowning Dying horribly how many kids do you want? 1/2whats your go to hair style?Whatever it looks like when I wake upwhat type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Smallish not tiny. We rent who is your role model? Troye Sivanwhat was the last compliment you received?You’re amazing what was the last text you sent?Idk. Whatever. So that you’re comfortable and happy. I’ll stop flirting. I’ll stop talking if that makes it easier for u. I mean I know you don’t like me. But like. I don’t want u to feel like you’re conflicted. I’m used to this. Sheet that was intense lolhow old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?I think 9/10?what is your dream car? Manageable: jeepRidiculous: lotus opinion on smoking?I dispise it. I mean sometimes I think hmm maybe. But no I hate the smell and my ex smoked and even if she hadn’t smoked in days I could smell it when I kissed herdo you go to college? Yeah we call in university in Australia what is your dream job? MusicianOr social media influencerwould you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Suburbsdo you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? I mean I never travel but I probs woulddo you have freckles? No sadlydo you smile for pictures?Sometimes but not a lot I feel like it makes my face look fathow many pictures do you have on your phone? 6000have you ever peed in the woods? Ya easier for people with dicksdo you still watch cartoons? Sometimes do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?We don’t have Wendy’s here. So KFC ahahaFavorite dipping sauce? Sweet and sourwhat do you wear to bed? Underwear mostly. Sometimes nothinghave you ever won a spelling bee?Nope we never had them what are your hobbies?Depressing myself looking at jack Avery. Music. Xbox. can you draw? Used to be able todo you play an instrument?Yeah 4what was the last concert you saw? Troye Sivan tea or coffee?Tea. Used to be coffeeStarbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Starbucks we don’t have Dunkin donutsdo you want to get married?I don’t know. I think sowhat is your crush’s first and last initial?N Mare you going to change your last name when you get married? Dunnowhat color looks best on you? Pinkdo you miss anyone right now? A lot of people do you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed but my parents always open itdo you believe in ghosts?Dunno. I more believe in spiritswhat is your biggest pet peeve? People not knowing what the words please and thankyou meanlast person you called and whyMy mom because my bosses daughter. Who I am close to diedfavorite ice cream flavor? Chocregular oreos or golden oreos? Wtf are golden oreoschocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbowwhat shirt are you wearing? My work uniform ahawhat is your phone background?My front one is me and Troye Sivan My back one is the one of jack Avery that makes me cry everytimeare you outgoing or shy?Shy until I know you welldo you like it when people play with your hair?I fucking love it so muchdo you like your neighbors? Meh don’t know them tooooo welldo you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Yes. At nighthave you ever been high? No neverhave you ever been drunk? I don’t think drunk but tipsylast thing you ate? A single skittlefavorite lyrics right now“But I see a lighthouse in the distance calling my name
But I can't get there 'til I go through all of this pain
There's a glimmer of hope like an exhale of smoke in the sky
And sometimes you drain out on the shit that used to feel right
Empty swimming pools”summer or winter? WINTER. WTF I HATE HEATday or night? Both dark, milk, or white chocolate? Milkfavorite month? October. Or any month of winter. (Australia : June July August)what is your zodiac signLibra who was the last person you cried in front of? My brother when the clock hit 12 on nyeHonestly if you read this far. Comment cause imma put your notifs on cause shit. U actually care xx

[xmusiisms-a]

Hey u. Can I get some meta on Orion x Walnuts? Tell me everythin' u got stored up on those two. Do they love each other? What's it like, banging ur cousin? What was their wedding day like? Who does what around the house (like I know they've got Kreacher but like - who makes sure the wizard electricity bill gets paid? Who organises The Black Family Christmas Party? Who's like - oh well, best take the boys to get their robes for school etc etc)?? Just. Plz share???

@wandchoosesthewizard, but also @siiriusblxck & @the-defected-one since I guess this would affect our threads a bit? -

Okay, so first of all, I wanted to share my headcanons for their wands since I just did a shit ton of research into woods and cores. After weighing everything up and having a couple of discussions with people, I decided that Walburga’s wand would be Black Walnut and Dragon heartstring, eleven and a half inches, unyielding, and Orion’s would be Ebony and Unicorn Hair, nine and three quarter inches, slightly yielding.

As for love… there’s none that at all. Not even familial love, to be honest. Being from the same family, they probably saw each other a lot as they grew up; between parties and school, there wouldn’t have been many places to hide. I can almost believe that Walburga (four years older than Orion) resisted getting married to some of the pureblood boys she’d been to school with (let’s not forget that Tom Riddle/Voldemort was only a year younger than she was), and so Pollux made a deal with Arcturus and Melania; their only son should marry their only daughter so their family name would keep going. They became engaged the year Walburga left Hogwarts at 17 (Orion was 13), and married when she turned 24 (he was 20).

Their wedding was a grand affair, funded by both sides of the family, and as per tradition, the entirety of the pureblood wizarding society was invited, much to the young couple’s embarrassment. Since Wizards don’t have a religion, there was no church wedding; the Black family weddings occur in the grounds one of the family homes - Orion’s in this case, as Grimmauld Place (Walburga’s father’s house in Islington) didn’t have a garden or a convenient grassy area not of sight of Muggles nearby - and are presided over by a ceremony official from the Ministry of Magic. Walburga’s dress was emerald green silk, which matched nicely with Orion’s dressrobes, just as their mothers had planned. The bridesmaid was Lucretia, Orion’s older sister, who was Walburga’s age and who had been her constant companion in classes all the way through Hogwarts, and Alphard (22) was Orion’s best man, with Cygnus (11) and various other cousins escorting the guests to their seats.

Grimmauld Place was a gift from Walburga’s father, Pollux, to the newly married couple. This was also in accordance to tradition, so that the two had somewhere definite and familiar to live as they began their new lives. Pollux, Irma, and Cygnus moved to a new house close by in Shoreditch.

As for what’s it like, banging your cousin, there was a hell of a lot of resentment there for the first couple of years; neither Walburga nor Orion had wanted to be married off to each other, and they were quite happy to lead relatively separated lives for as long as they could get away with. Eventually, Irma and Melania caught onto the hostilities and pushed the pair into trying for a baby, telling Walburga that a child would give her something to care for that would be hers, while also giving Orion (and the family) an heir to raise in tradition. Walburga, pressured, agreed and tentatively suggested the idea to Orion, who agreed with no small measure of surprise. The actual act was very much a ‘lie back and think of england’ affair; neither of them actually enjoyed doing it, and maybe that was why it took a decade for Sirius to come along.

Sirius’ conception was the result of a bottle of elderflower wine, shared between his parents (aged 34 and 30) after a visit from his grandparents (both sets at once), but having a baby completely changed Walburga’s mind about having a real family of her own, rather than just her husband. She found that she rather enjoyed being pregnant; she liked the attention her cousins and friends gave her whenever they’d visit, and even Orion seemed more affectionate toward her for those nine months. Sirius’ birth, on the other hand, was noisy, messy and the most painful experience of Walburga’s life. Orion was present throughout (much to Irma and Melania’s disgust - that was definitely against tradition) and he was the first to actually hold his newborn son, since Walburga was left too exhausted to even lift her arms, but the three of them sat together in a small bubble of happy bliss.

Regulus’ conception was an intentional act, the moment manufactured by Walburga and consented to by Orion, who saw no harm in a second child (the age gap would be sufficient, a daughter could be placed in a political marriage, another son would be another heir in case something happened to Sirius). The pregnancy was not such a pleasant experience the second time round; Walburga was quite ill throughout, and unable to leave the house much at all, but Regulus’ birth was easier, quicker and less painful than Sirius’. Orion was not present this time, choosing instead to take care of Sirius while his sister supported his wife, just so neither of their mothers could get involved and make things harder.

I’ve been toying with the idea of Orion as some sort of Ministry diplomat, possibly in the French Ministry of Magic, since the Black children are taught French from a very young age, so he doesn’t do much around the house, it’s Walburga who worries about the décor, directs Kreacher to rooms that need attention and hosts lunches. Orion brings the money into the house with his job, but it’s his wife who regulates it (although they have no need to pinch knuts, she likes to have a tight control on how much money goes out of their accounts). If they had wizard electricity bills, she’d be the one to pay it. She’s also the one to accompany the children to Diagon Alley for their school supplies when the need arises rolls around - Orion will occasionally go with them, but only if he has something he needs to pick up at the same time.

As for the Black Christmas Party™, there’s a huge family event that happens in France every year, where the entire extended Black family get together for about a week and have dinner together amongst other activities. However, the London-based Blacks take it in turns to organise a smaller party at their houses each year, and Walburga always enjoys organising when it’s her turn (Orion mostly suffers patiently through the sociableness of it all).

[pjstafford]

Smoke Rings Chapter 2

A couple of people asked to read more of my first attempt at a novel which I wrote in the nineties.  Read the first chapter: https://pjstafford.tumblr.com/post/165247149659/smoke-rings

A thought pops into my brain.  Why do I spend so much time partying and so little time studying.  I pushed the thought away as intrusive and worthless since  I knew it was a behavior that wasn’t going to change.  “Hey,”  my brain jumped to its own defense “I work full time.”  Sure, but I wasn’t married and I didn’t have children.  There was no excuse for not being better prepared for the end of the semester, but every semester was the same -playing catch up and beating myself up for having to play catch up.  

I often thought about giving it up.  I was taking one class a semester.  I was never going to earn a degree.  In this familiar thought monologue a voice from my favorite high school teacher would interject that I shouldn’t compare myself against anyone else but myself.  Did I know more today than I knew a day, week, month, year ago?  Typically this voice gave me inspiration to continue.  

This is why I was in the city library on a Sunday afternoon.  Despite the fact that it was late May the snow had returned to the Rockies and the library, which was heated to capacity, was still cold.  This semester was harder than the others.  Accounting sucked the life out of me.  However, I was a city clerical specialist and if I knew accounting I might get a transfer to a job that would suck the life out of me a little more but would pay a little better.  So, I studied accounting.  

Feeling like an icicle, I walked over to the wall of newspapers.  I loved the physical feel of a newspaper from another place.  With a newspaper in my hand from New York, I could imagine I was in Manhattan and would be leaving soon to catch the subway to see the traveling art exhibit or i was in London and later in the pub would say to someone...”Did you see that thing in the paper about that person who is so British and did this shocking thing?”  Never read the local paper- only the ones from places I would never visit.  On this day, though, even the papers would not keep my attention.  I was restless and bored to tears with my existence.  So I wandered the library in search of warmth.  

Beside the newspapers was a set of stairs which led to the basement.  I walked down there now and find a computer room, a microfiche room, archived offices closed on Sunday.  The floor was almost abandoned and colder than upstairs.  I crossed the floor to the West Wall, passed a set of bathrooms and found a flight of stairs back up.  About half way up the stairs was a landing.  A sign pointed to another set of stairs to the main floor.  To my left was a large alcove, noiseless and refrigerator cold.;  a space designed into a building by a designer who thought libraries should have hidden rooms and private places..  Three tables were in this room and despite the noiselessness was full of university types; serious students who had found the space by the stairs that almost no one knew about.  I started to walk right by and then something caught my eye.  

Bare feet!  Bare feet with bright purple polish on the recently pedicured toes.  Damn snow storm outside and here were bare feet, sandals lying beside the feet under the table.  Jeans were above the feet.  Above that was a t-shirt with a slogan for world peace, a red flannel shirt open over the t-shirt and a windbreaker over the flannel.  Her hair was still the long, blond, silky hair from  the Buckhorn bar.  Her face was devoid of make-up, large light brown glasses covered the eyes and she was reading a book of poetry.  If this had been a TV commercial she would be munching on a bowl of organic wheat flakes, but instead she was chewing on a pen.  It was the same girl, but she was different in this different environment.  I went backed to the main floor to my book on accounting and was able to focus until the library closed.  

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - I spied on Trisha.  Of course, I was at the library anyway so its not like I went there intentionally, but as long as i was there...I spied.  Arriving at 6 p.m. I would take a ritualistic walk over to the newspapers down the stairs, across the basement to the West Wall past the bathrooms, u p the stairs and passed by the alcove landing half up the stairs.  Each night Trisha was there in her bare feet with the sandals beside the feet.  Every night a different t-shirt - green peace, green vote and, on Wednesday, a bright yellow shirt with a picture of Jimi Hendrix on it.  Her hair remained the same.  One night she wore Southwestern jewelry over the t-shirt.  

Trisha became my escape into another world the way the newspapers once were but no longer sufficed  Who was this exotic creature really?  What life did she live?  I began to look forward to the fact that I would catch a glimpse of her each night.  However, I would remember that night at the Buck and hate myself for the compulsion to spy on her.  On Wednesday I stopped before I got to the alcove and started to turn around.  Then I heard the voices.  They were soft spoken but seemed to vibrate off the walls- loud in the otherwise noiseless space.  

“Here are the notes you asked me for, but I don’t think you can understand the book without reading it.”  Trisha’s voice was matter of fact  

“I just don’t understand why this class isn’t called American Literature no one wants to read.  i thought I would get a grounding on classic American literature, but the teacher went “diverse.”  The only white guys we’ve read are these beatniks and were they really that popular even in the fifties?   Why do I need tto read his stuff?” 

“Why did you enroll in the class to begin with?” Trisha asked.  

“Oh, my dad thought if I took a graduate level class I would develop some “depth”.  I’m majoring in pre-med and he thought I was taking too much science.  He wanted to be sure I had some balance and he is paying the bills, but really, who has time for “depth” in today’s job market?” 

There was silence then until the man’s voice, bored and uninterested in the subject, asked a question “So why did you take the class?  Are you a graduate student in literature?”

“Our world is becoming smaller and we see on television and read in the papers selective viewpoints,”  Trisha’s voice was rich with emotion.  “In the literature of the United States are the strong and vibrant voices of the worlds within our world.  The woman contemplating suicide because she doesn’t want to be a housewife, the black man asking why he should vote just because now he can, the native american who asks why we are so sure everything is linear.  The wanderer and outcasts who live beyond society’s norms.  During the section on the beats, I spent an entire night walking through Denver looking for Dean Moriarty’s father or at least his spirit.  Neal Cassady inspired Kerouac to write the character of Dean Moriarty, but then Cassady also appears in Tom Wolfe’s book and he inspired the Dead to write songs.  How can we say we know America and Americans if we can’t fathom Neal Cassady’s existence?”

I didn’t know who Cassady was.  I had never read Kerouac or Tom Wolfe.  I suddenly hated that I was studying accounting to progress to another job and a small step increase in pay and not exploring the worlds that were around me.  I wanted to know Trisha.  Then, I stopped and reminded myself of how disgusted i was with her at the Buckhorn.  I did not want to know her. I heard the sound of chairs sliding and quickly went down the stairs into the restroom, past another woman and into a stall before Trisha could see me as she also entered the restroom.  I stayed in the stall, heard a toilet flush, and then heard a conversation between Trisha and the other woman in the restroom.  The other woman was a little older.  

“Aren’t you in my history class?  I’m heading home to finish that paper now.”

“Oh, yeah.  I’ve been working on it every night for one hour after the library closes.  I could get lost in it so I’m having to discipline myself to make sure I do other work.”

“I have to discipline myself to work on it.  Wish my problem was having to tear myself away. “

“I picked an interesting topic.” 

“You are such a study hound, but life is too short.  You know you are so beautiful.  Why don’t you lose the flannel and the jeans, get contacts, buy a silk blouse, wear a little make up.  Enjoy yourself why you are young, lady.”

I almost snickered out loud.  This was the last advice Trisha needed.  

The close call made me rethink what I was doing with my spying on Trisha.  Who needed her or an exploration into alternative worlds?  I needed to stay focus on what was obtainable.  Thursday night I aced my final.  Friday and Saturday I scrammed out of town to hang with Sly and Wayne in Laramie.  Sunday found me back in town.  I had beaten yet another late Spring storm snow into Denver.  It was a bleak, cold, gruesome day.  I tried watching television, reading, cleaning.  I left my home to buy groceries and somehow, for some reason, found myself back at the library.  Finals were continuing another week at the U, but I was done until the Fall.  There was no need for me to be there.  I went to the wall of newspapers and picked up an Italian newspaper,  I knew some Spanish and could make out of the words in the sister language.  I was at a villa in my mind getting read to meet an Italian lover.  

I saw bare feet standing next to me and looked up from the newspaper.  Trisha picked up the LA Times and flopped down in a chair next to me.  “There’s an interesting article in here about why Edward Albee plays are gaining popularity in community theater groups.”  It was like we were best friends in the middle of a conversation  “I turned in my paper comparing New England and Southwestern poems by the way.  I only have one final left and it is in my Western Film class.  I hate Western’s personally, so will be glad when that class is over.”  

Trisha put her paper down and looked over her glasses at me.  Her eyes were not outstanding.  They were plain, ordinary eyes which were a little red from eye strain.  Suddenly her voice became angry.  “You’ve been studying me while I’ve been studying literature, history and film.  Have I answered all of your questions? “  Suddenly I feared I was about to be served a restraining order.  I felt like a stalker.  I started to explain, but I am not fast on my feet.  The more I explained, the more I sounded like an idiot.  

“I haven’t been studying you.  It’s a public library, you know.  I have a right to be here.  I started talking walks and when I saw you I was interested.  No, not interested, mildly curious, but all I was doing is walking by,  I just eavesdropped a little.  I mean I didn’t really eavesdrop or if I did I didn’t mean to.  “

I had lost all dignity and sounded nuts.  Damn it - might as well tell the truth- although I wasn’t sure what the truth was until I said it out loud.  I did know the woman beside me in bare feet and bare face was more interesting than all the foreign newspapers I could read.  “I can’t believe you are the same woman as that woman at the Buck.  I do have a lot of questions about you .  When I think of you I feel on edge, jittery, as if something important is about to happen.  Its like a suspense story.  You want to turn it off and forget about it, but you are afraid that if you blink you will miss some horrible scary but really good part.  I must know more about you.”  The intensity of my feeling- the fact that this mundane Sunday at the library was suddenly fill with a thick air of possibility - terrified me.  I felt like I was on the edge of a ledge and I didn’t know if it was better to fall off or step away to safety.  

“Look.  I have a life.  I am way too busy for intrusions.  I haven’t invited you to be part of my life and I don’t have an obligation to fulfill your curiosity.  Leave me alone.” 

“I’m not gay.”  I don’t know why I felt the need to spell that out.  “I just want to know your life and what it is like to be you a little better..  How can I know about your world  if I don’t know you and I want to know your world.” 

Trisha looked at me for what seemed like a long time.  

“Friday night.  My finals will be over.  I’ll be at a bar in Fort Collins.  I’m sure you can find me.  “

I nodded relieved, ashamed and determined not to find her on Friday night.  I did not need her in my life.  

[pixelbatsy]

92 things!

yiKes im so late to this but i was tagged by @craighsiao, @kittenmusicals, @pbophelia, @zigisbisexual, and @mermaidwarriorqueen yall are so crazy i love yall thank u w all of my heart :’)))

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: "dont watch princess bride” w a pic of it buffering from my friend lmao 4. Song you listened to: fetish by selena gomez my newest bop 5. Time you cried: an hour ago bc of my shit eyebrows that got Ruined!

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: lol

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: lol no

8. Been cheated on: LOL 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: hooyeah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: not yet djfakld

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. millennial pink lol 13. periwinkle 14. maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: hooooo boy yeAH irl and on tumblr!! 16. Fallen out of love: specifically w thomas hunt sry bb 17. Laughed until you cried: me 24/7 18. Found out someone was talking about you: hajdhf yeah but she cried and apologized so we’re cool now 19. Met someone who changed you: omg yes so much 20. Found out who your friends are: yesyeysyes i luv them 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: who still uses fb

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: none?? 23. Do you have any pets: an inside cat, 3 strays outside that we just feed and they just chill out here, and also some fish that are like 6 years old 24. Do you want to change your name: i wanna switch my first and middle name 

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i went on vacation in florida and new orleans with my best friends hfjakdhf 26. What time did you wake up: 12:30 my sleeping schedule is fucked 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching makeup vids lol 28. Name something you can’t wait for: TRR CHAPTER 15!!!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 30 mins ago idk 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my ability to talk to people bc my anxiety!! ahhaha!!!! 31. What are you listening to right now: FETISH BY SELENA GOMEZ A BOP!! 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no?? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my fukxign eyebrows that the lady messed up ughggjkhsd 34. Most visited Website: is this even a question lmao tumblr and youtube 35. Mole/s: ugh i have one on my stomach and it bothers the shit out of me but i have more in other places im just too lazy to look 36. Mark/s: do cat scratch scars count bc i got a lot of those 37. Childhood dream: my mom told me my 1st grade teacher asked what i wanted to be and i remembered the episode of curious george that i watched before leaving the house and said an ice cream girl in the park but either that or become ariel 38. Hair color: rly dark brown but in the sun it turns rly light like into like honey brown idek 39. Long or short hair: ive had both but long hair is such a chore so short bc i have like medium rn 40. Do you have a crush on someone: who needs that when ur already married to henry cavill but chris powell, drake, the prince, maxwell, dick grayson, jason todd... 41. What do you like about yourself: i DID like my eyebrows smh its ok theyll grow back 42. Piercings: lol i didnt even get my ears pierced so none 43. Blood type: who are u identity theft fuk off m8 44. Nickname: CATLYN, kk, kalina bc me and my friend have a 824 snap streak and its our #goals ship name 45. Relationship status: single married to henry cavill i even had to organize my own wedding for a project in floral design sophomore year 46. Zodiac: cancer im a crybaby ik 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show/s: pretty little liars, grimm, young justice, the big bang theory, two broke girls, sherlock, and family feud lmao 49. Tattoos: i want somethin smol but not yet 50. Right or left hand: i was gonna be a lefty but my daycare person literally treated me like shit and made me use my right hand so now im a righty and she got her ass fired :)) not like i remember anything tho lmao

51. Surgery: ortho surgery bc my mouth was too small and my teeth were so fucked up but braces gave me a glo up lol 52. Hair dyed in different color: omg no but i have these rly cool brown streaks on the side of my head and its also underneath my hair but its rly pretty ppl always ask me about it bc its like genetic idk its cool 53. Sport: i fucking live for watching football om Fg

55. Vacation: im guessing this is where ive been?? so uh hawaii, florida, mississippi, louisiana (and bish i been to shreveport, louisiana home of my boi jake mckenzie dshfjs), texas aka my home, las vegas, california, cozumel, jamaica, belize, and soon the bahamas!! 56. Pair of trainers: oh my god i have like 30+ pairs of shoes i love shoes!!

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing rn i ate steak for dinner tho 58. Drinking: water! 59. I’m about to: start watching a youtube video 61. Waiting for: my bday party w my friends on wednesday (lowkey those choices chapters too i wish my bb chris powell could wish me happy bday :’)) 62. Want: a BIG FAT bank account 63. Get married: to a nice rich husband yuh finished the sentence

64. Career: im a senior in hs and i got accepted into my pharm tech class aaaah were gonna get to go to hospitals and and wear scrubs and shit im so excited i wanna be a pharmacist or like somewhere in the med field bc they make BANK and also they help ppl :’)) 65. Hugs or kisses: from my future bb kisses 66. Lips or eyes: eyes yus 67. Shorter or taller: im 5′5 so im smol and theyre tol 68. Older or younger: mmm i prefer older but only like a year younger if theyre worth it dhfgsk 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: this is so hard but arms bc abs arent a requirement but arms,,,, yes 71. Sensitive or loud: how am i both sensitive and loud (tru) 72. Hook up or relationship: lol relationship i want it all 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant but troublemaker when im feelin big mood

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: uh kinda 75. Drank hard liquor: not yET LMAOOO 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 77. Turned someone down: jkasjdf lowkey yeah 78. Sex in the first date: no omfg sfdhgj 79. Broken someone’s heart: wym 24/7 lmao jk no 80. Had your heart broken: by many fanfics lord lol 81. Been arrested: nonoono 82. Cried when someone died: im making animals count so yes 83. Fallen for a friend: almost but skrtskrr were still friends

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: if i try really hard YUH 85. Miracles: 11:11 twice a day for extra good luck yuh 86. Love at first sight: lol no 87. Santa Claus: yeah until i was like 14 88. Kiss on the first date: YUH WHY NOT if theyre not shit 89. Angels: meh not really

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: omg irl alina and caroline my bbs and online @evisms i rly love u,, so much 91. Eyecolor: brown 92. Favorite movie: the man from uncle that ive seen 7 times!!, wonder woman!!, ex machina, hidden figures, coraline, and moana

im not gonna tag anyone bc prolly the entire choices population has done this but hit it up if u wanna!!

[halforcsss]

Get To Know Me Tag

Tagged by: @piiess​ <333

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

1. Drink: Coke 2. Phone call: Probably just my sister haha 3. Text message: bruh I don’t remember the last time I actually texted someone fb messenger everyday 4. Song you listened to: I Would Do Anything For You - Foster the People 5. Time you cried: hmmm, last time was probably when I finished my last open evening of high school :(

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: 7. Kissed someone and regretted it:  8. Been cheated on:  9. Lost someone special: 10. Been depressed: YEET 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Yellow, mint and blue (especially pastels!)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: YES! 16. Fallen out of love: miss me wit that romantic shit 17. Laughed until you cried: literally everytime I laugh 18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh hONEY 19. Met someone who changed you: Yes 20. Found out who your friends are: MMMMMMMMMYES 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: hhahahahahahaah

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them haha it’s facebook 23. Do you have any pets: used to rip 24. Do you want to change your name: nah 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I believe I was at school that day :,) 26. What time did you wake up: 6am this morning 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: probably on tumblr lol 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Graduation in 6 months 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: RIGHT NOW 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: the number of 0s in my bank account gahh 31. What are you listening right now: the ambient sound of masters of flip on the tv rn 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: probably in england 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not having a job

34. Most visited website: probably instagram if that counts

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: nah, but i have brown beauty spots on my face 36. Mark/s: I have a scar on my hand from when it got caught on a sewing needle, it’s still clear as ever almost 1 year later 37. Childhood dream: astronaut (hahahahahahahahahahah..hha) 38. Hair color: light brown, though I dye it dark occasionally 39. Long or short hair: long, but i only wear it tied up 40. Do you have a crush on someone: dunno 41. What do you like about yourself: i have a natural contour :’) 42. Piercings: noooo 43. Blood type: O 44. Nickname: most people just call me joelle 45. Relationship status: LONELY 46. Zodiac: Virgo in NZ but Libra in UK...v confusing since i was born on autumn/spring equinox  47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: RuPaul’s Drag Race

49. Tattoos: None, but i’d like some 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: just on my teeth lol 52. Hair dyed in different color: dark brown a few months ago 53. Sport: Curling 55. Vacation: anywhere in Europe 56. Pair of trainers: my only pair got dirty and never got cleaned :(

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: pineapple lumps and peppermints 58. Drinking: pepsi max 59. I’m about to: play the sims haha 61. Waiting for: a fuckin job interview 62. Want: money and cola 63. Get married: I WISH...I WISH 64. Career: probably tourism even tho i’m in pre training for automotive engineering rip

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: BOTH PLEASE I’M LONELY 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: betch everyone’s taller than me i dont have a choice 68. Older or younger: Older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: ANYTHING PLEASE 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant...i’m paranoid about everything

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: No. 75. Drank hard liquor: no, but i’m 18 in 2 months soo 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I can’t afford to loose my glasses!! 77. Turned someone down: No. 78. Sex on the first date: No. 79. Broken someone’s heart: I HOPE NOT 80. Had your heart broken: never been invested in anyone enough fo dat 81. Been arrested: No. 82. Cried when someone died: haven’t experienced that yet hoo boy 83. Fallen for a friend: eh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: I TRY 85. Miracles: where you from, you sexy thing 86. Love at first sight: not sure, i’m bad at the love questions :( 87. Santa Claus: tumblr’s minimum age is like 13 why is this a question. 88. Kiss on the first date: idk

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Too many to name haha 91. Eye color: green-blue 92. Favorite movie: pacific rim or ponyo

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: (i only know like 3 sooo)

@riplogic  @the-terrafic @itsjustanothernerd (no worries tho u do u)