#like when i say care i mean “i would die for you” sorta way

[leoleolovesdc]

Steph: Hey dad, can you pass me the salt?

Tim: She didn't!

Jason: Oh my god, she totally did

Cass: No...

Duke: [Snickering] Holy shit!

Bruce: [Passing the salt] Here, sweetie

Dick: He didn't!

[imamuzansimp-oldblog-seoseoya]

Hi, may I make a hc request on the uppermoons + Muzan reacting to their human s/o getting her period and BAD cramps & how they would comfort her (if they’d even do it lmao😭) yk.. since blood = food, but they still love their s/o

Uppermoons + Muzan reacting to Fem!S/O with bad period cramps

content warnings: fluff, suggestive, manga spoilers, periods, mentions of blood and cramps, cuddles

word count: ~700

a/n: eeeeeeee!!!!! my first proper request! i’m so excited! i hope you don’t mind i only did the first three uppermoons + muzan for now, but i’ll come back to the others another time.

a/n 2: this is a tad bit rushed since i wrote this right before going to sleep

Muzan

okay but he lowkey has no clue what’s happening

even though he’s had multiple wives in the past, he was never really there. thus, he had no clue what to do

at first he just kinda stood there like 🕴️

but then he realized he should probably do something so he asked you what you needed

“my dear, what do you require?” he’d say. “it hurts…” you whine. your period had recently started and the cramps hurt like hell. “what hurts, did someone bring harm to you? whoever did shall die where they stand!” and you momentarily panic because nobody had hurt you. “no! zannie, nobody hurt me! don’t worry! it’s just my period!” you yelped, worried for the poor soul that narrowly might’ve escaped muzan’s wrath. “your…. period?” it’s rare that muzan appears bewildered, so this is a sight. “yea… basically for about a week every month, women have their periods. basically, it’s a time where we bleed out of our vagina and unfortunately it comes with way. too. many. cramps. there’s also other things like cravings and mood swings.” you explained. you noticed muzan started to get a hungry look in his eye. he had thought he’d smelled blood, but knowing it was from you and not because you were injured, he was resisting the urge to devour it that instant. “are you currently in pain due to cramps?” he asked, ever so politely. you nodded, it hurt like nothing else. “heat usually helps…” you muttered. muzan began to approach you. he snapped, and in just seconds the strum of a biwa was heard and a warm blanket and cup of tea appeared before you. muzan then proceeded to cuddle closer to you in the bed, and before you knew it, he was drinking your menstrual blood as he held your blanket covered waist. thank goodness the tea didn’t spill.

(i sorta got carried away)

Kokushibo

since he had a wife and kid (that he cared for) back when he was human, he knows how to handle it.

the second he smells blood he knows what’s happening and he enters your room with ice cream, mochi, tea, etc. and a pack that has been heated by the sun

he can control himself around your blood, especially because i believe the thought of drinking your blood would disgust him

“koku….” you said weakly as you watched him walk in the room. “my dear…” all six of his eyes softened when he laid eyes on you. “how’d you know?” you asked. “i’m a demon and your lover,  i could sense it.” he rested the heated pack on your crotch and gave you the sweets before he cuddled close. soon enough the cramps faded as your eyes dropped and you fell asleep in kokushibo’s arms.

(omg that was so short compared to muzan’s i’m sorry)

dōma

knows about periods. this is a fact.

drinks your blood. another fact.

nothing else to say except this:

dōma walked in seeing you curled up in a ball on your bed. he chuckled and said in his will-bending voice: “you poor little thing, you’re on your period aren’t you darling?” and you just laid there in pain and whimpered a ‘yes’. he walked closer to you, before putting a comforting hand to your cheek. “well, baby, did you know that stimulation can help with cramps?” he worded a question, though your answer wouldn’t change his imminent actions. “s-stimulation?” you looked up at him.  “oh, baby, you know what I mean…”

akaza

another guy who knows what it is

so respectful and he doesn’t eat women so obviously he doesn’t drink your blood

he just lets you curl up into him as he rubs your tummy 🥹

i’m sorry but akaza got me like 🧎‍♀️

“kaza…” you whimpered as best you could. “‘t hurts” you whined. your boyfriend stepped into the room. wordlessly, he approached you and got under the blankets. the first word he spoke occurred once he latched on as the big spoon with his big hands rubbing your stomach gently. “baby… don’t worry… i’ll always keep you from pain…” you leaned into his touch and stayed like that for the rest of the evening.

[razorblade180]

A Little Space

Yang:*walks into dorm* Who’s ready for scary movie night and-

Ruby:*sitting on the floor* Yo!

Yang:Yooo! Where’s Moody #1 and Mood #2 at? Popcorn run?

Ruby:I had them step out really quick. I wanted to take a moment tell you something important. Something that might make you Moody #3

Yang:What did you break?

Ruby:Nothing! Why’s that the first thing you- sit please!

Yang walks over and sits crisscross in front of her sister like they used to do all the time when they were younger.

Yang:What’s up little sis? Did you bomb a test and dad knows? Oz planning some type of leader extrovert training?

Ruby:Ugh, he better not. I’d die on the spot.

Yang:Haha, then what’s up? You have me a little worried if you’re asking for a private-

Ruby:I’m seeing someone!

Yang:…Huh?

Ruby:*red* Jaune. I’m…I’m seeing Jaune, romantically.

Yang:Ah…okay then. Umm for how long exactly?

Ruby:A few months now.

Yang:Months?

Ruby:Time flew by! I really didn’t mean to not tell you for so long. We were sorta just figuring things out a bit.

Yang:I see, a few months huh? That’s… that’s a a fair amount of time. So are you telling me now cause you found the nerve, or has something changed? *squints*

Ruby:…..

Yang:….Ruby, be honest with me. Just how much has your relationship progressed?

Ruby:More than you would approve, but less than what you fear.

Yang:*nods* Is that so? Hmm, excuse me.

Ruby:Yang no! Wait!

Thank goodness for speed semblances. Ruby managed to get herself in front of the door before Yang, grabbing both of her hands to hold. Yang could’ve easily pulled the girl out of the way but suddenly tensed as she felt Ruby’s hand tremble violently. That alongside the pleading look in her eyes was more than enough to cool Yang’s head off.

Ruby:Please, don’t confront him over this.

Yang:Ruby, you can’t ask me not to look after you. Look, Jaune is a nice guy but I have to say something. You’ve been together for months in secret! What would day think in this situation?

Ruby:He…knows.

Yang:Wh- You told dad before me!?

Ruby:Dad actually listens to me all the way through! He’s always also way more levelheaded.

Yang:That’s- I mean… so everyone know!?

Ruby:No, but I’m sure Blake and Weiss have their own suspicions. They just have no reason to press me about it like you would.

Yang:….Is that why your hands are trembling? You were afraid to tell me?

Ruby:I wasn’t afraid. I…I know how you are when it comes to protecting me. I love it; I really do. This time is different though. *inhales* Yang, I am asking you to please give me some space with this. I don’t want to go behind your back but I don’t want you to ruin this.

Yang:Ruin? When have I ever-

Ruby:I’m excited, okay!? *blushing*

Yang:….What?

Ruby:It…It feels so weird and like a rush being around him. I’ve never cared much specifically about romance in my life and this feels crazy for me. I’m not nervous to talk about all of my thoughts. I stumble around him and laugh about it. Little things feel like a rush of adrenaline! Yeah I’m nervous but…I’m not afraid in the slightest. I’ve never this safe, this…secure around someone quite like this. Have you ever felt this way!? It’s almost like-

Yang:The sun is actually shining.

Ruby:Yeah, yeah that’s exactly what it’s like. *smiling* I can’t help but wonder if this is what mom felt for dad. Maybe I’m wrong, and I know relationships aren’t like love stories but this space have I him right now, I want to keep exploring it. I want to feel these feelings.

Yang:And you think he might change if I give him the riot act. *sighs* I… can see how that would “ruin” things.

Ruby:I really am sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner. *tears up* All of this has been so confusing and new. Also maybe…maybe I was a little scared letting you know. I just…I really do like him, Yang.

Since when did being a big sister get this difficult. Yang still can’t believe their father chose the path of peace! Definitely a youngest daughter privilege. Then again, if Ruby has told him even half of this speech, Yang could see how he gave his grace. She looked towards the ceiling away from the misty doe eyes and channeled the strength to ask a few questions.

Yang:Are you both being safe about?

Ruby:!? Of course! We’re not dumb and like I said, we haven’t…ya know? *red* We really are taking our time with things. He’s figuring this all out too! Cut Jaune a little slack.

Yang:(Okay, maybe I didn’t take that into account. Of course this is uncharted territory for him too.) Fiiiiiiiiine! Fine! I won’t talk to him about it, for now!

Ruby:Really!?

Yang:But you still have to tell him I know!

Ruby:That’s fine. He knows dad knows. I also talked to him about telling you. Jaune actually encouraged me for this.

Yang:That’s a bold tactic.

Ruby:He has seven sisters. I’m positive on some level he gets where you’re coming from.

Yang:Seven!? Actually…yeah, yeah that makes sense.

Ruby:Are you still mad at me?

Yang:I was never mad, ya little-

She pulls Ruby into a big, warm hug. It kinda hurt to think about how big her sister was getting. Then again, maybe this is how dad felt whenever she confronted him about needing some more space? The more she thought about it, it made sense why he was relaxed with Ruby. It would be cruel if both of them gave such a strong response to her feelings.

Yang:I love you so much. Remember, you can tell me anything.

Ruby:I know, and I love you too.

xxxxx

As always, scary movie night happened; although Yang couldn’t really say she was watching the film. As her teammates and friends from JNPR watched the film, her gaze occasionally shifted downward towards the floor at Jaune and Ruby, who shared a popcorn bowl. Funny, have they been sitting that close to one another all this time?

Yang watched the blonde jolt as another jumpscare caught him off guard, earning a stifled giggle out of Ruby while he smiled sheepishly. Lightly, Ruby leaned against him and continued watching the film with a grin that warmed Yang’s heart.

Yang: (Perhaps some space isn’t so bad? The view from here is pretty cool.)

[lotuspeacock]

what the fuck even happened episode 8????

like, plotwise i know what happened but like there’s so much new info i’m processing.

rei dresses like that not for the professionalism of the job, but because his father expects him to look high-class even when he’s murdering people

anna’s musical talents literally traumatize children.

rei’s father has a god complex about his bloodline

the “organization” is more or less run by rei’s father. this is why kyutaro said that rei should know best what happens when you betray the organization, because every childish rebellion was treason on the organization.

rei doesn’t get too close to kazuki because the consequence if he does are dire.

side note: when rei says he has something to protect, he’s not just talking about miri. there is no mistaking that kazuki is precious to rei.

when rei is asked “did you find true belonging on the outside” he denies it. this is probably because he wants to protect kazuki and miri but it could also be because rei genuinely believes that he doesn’t truly belong in their little family. i believe this changes by the end when rei sees that kazuki and miri were waiting for him just to see him smile.

this is from a few other posts i saw, but rei’s mission was a warning. a peek into the consequences of forming attachments.

a continuation of point six, we see rei standing in his family home, feeling completely estranged while he’s on the phone with kazuki and miri being told to be back by dinner.

rei never seemed to be affected by his job before. but in the car with ogino he expresses shock at the picture of his mentors murdered wife. and the picture seems to be taken in the goriest way. rei is opening his heart to his family and as a consequence, he has to face the reality that he is not just killing, but taking lives.

“for the concept” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???? this man makes me so uncomfortable he is so goddamn psychotic. he definitely kills for fun even though he pretends its some big philosophical thing. essentially he was saying people exist to die. also his fucking blue eyed stare 🧿👄🧿

WAIT WAIT WAIT THEYRE TOTAL FOILS OF EACH OTHER. rei and his mentor that is. they both have that single slut strand.

miri is extremely insightful. she notices when someone close to her is hiding their dissatisfaction with life - what she calls “sadness”. her mom was dissatisfied with her life as a single mother and rei is dissatisfied with living under his father’s boot.

rei didn’t tell ogino his mentor’s last words because they weren’t meant for him (but probably also cuz ogino is a creep sob). rei “didn’t hear” anything because the words were directed to someone already gone.

this is less a plot point but more a personal analysis - i was sorta hoping that kazuki would show up during the fight and save rei, and he does! he saves rei, but not during the fight because that’s not really where rei was struggling. rei needed to be saved from his own belief that he was irredeemable, and kazuki did that perfectly bu showing rei that no matter what, he’ll be there. unconditionally. i mean, the man didn’t even ask about all the blood on his suit. (another i won’t ask i wouldn’t tell moment)

kazuki cut rei’s hair and decorated the apartment. when rei said “but then you suddenly started cleaning”, he’s saying that he didn’t care about kazuki until kazuki taught him how to care. when kazuki barged into rei’s apartment and cleaned the blood stained hands of a child assassin, he also cleared a space for himself in rei’s life. (side note: of course the undercut was kazuki’s idea)

“you think we can change?” god this was such a good quote. and the way kazuki doesn’t put up a front and say “of course” because he’s trying to figure out if he can change too, so he just says “dunno” but its so sincere and hopeful. i love the dichotomy of kazuki not knowing if he can change because he’s spent the past 4 years trying not to and rei not knowing if he can change because he doesn’t know how to. at the root, it’s because they both see themselves as unforgivable.

continuation of points six and eight, rei smiles when he’s home with his family.

oh my god the angst just doesn’t stop.

[blueteller]

TCF Theory: What If God of Death Had a Reason for Kidnapping Minors?

(Hey, @murasaki-cha, I might have a theory that could sorta maybe redeem your pathetic little meow meow! 😂)

[Also: SPOILER WARNING for... basically everything in TCF?]

So, here's the thing:

It's no secret I always had… issues with the God of Death for kidnapping the Chois.

Let me clarify a bit.

What he did to Kim Rok Soo, aka. Cale, was not okay either – however! I can see it justified somewhat by circumstances: he was cursed, his life was generally depressing and terrible, and there was a world in need of saving. Honestly, the deal with the Original Cale Henituse to switch the two of them was best for all parties involved. (I'm still angry he did not ask Cale himself for permission, though! All the God of Death needed to do was tell him: "Look, this is the world where your BFF Lee Soo Hyuk reincarnated into. And the world is going to be destroyed in about 20 years if nothing is done about it. Would you mind cleaning that up for me?" You bet your butt Cale would have agreed fair and square, even if he were EXTREMELY miffed about the deal. But it's so much easier to simply hide your involvement in the transmigration, so that Cale doesn't have a personal vendetta against you once he gets OP, right…? Not that it succeeded, lol. Cale still ended up cursing the God of Death a lot)

However – all of what I just said? NONE of it applied for the Choi family member.

First, we have Choi Jung Gun, aka. Nelan Barrow. Let me remind you, the kid was FIFTEEN. Freaking 15!!!! The God of Death kidnapped a literal CHILD with no combat experience, and dropped him in the middle of an active war zone! Sure, technically Super Rock was there and presumably took care of him – but still, that was an objectively a terrible thing to do, God of Death! Bad boy!! 🧹🧹🧹

Then we have Choi Han, and ohhh boy, he had even worse somehow! Even though he was 2 years older than Choi Jung Gun when he got transported, he still ended up in the freaking FOREST OF DARKNESS. Weaponless, isolated, under constant threat of death. It's a miracle Choi Han did not die or completely lose his mind – and in a sense he did – but he was still able to retain a piece of himself, NO THANKS TO YOU GOD OF DEATH. My goodness! What a way to treat your "chosen hero ", mister!

...as you can probably tell, I was pissed enough at the God of Death for kidnapping poor Choi Jung Gun, but I am NEVER forgiving him for what Choi Han went thought. Should have given him something! A letter, a sword, or at the very least – A FREAKING MAP!!!

Aaaand finally we have Choi Jung Soo. Which was a bizarre case in comparison to the previous two. Even the God of Death remarked how unusual it was.

First of all, consent was asked – WHAT A TWIST! 🤣

Secondly, Choi Jung Soo was already an adult, and experienced fighter. He'd have a much better time in Nameless 1 world than any of his predecessors (excluding the fact that he'd have a TERRIBLE time trying to fight the White Star; who may I remind you possessed Kim Rok Soo's face... Also, did he even get to read "The Birth of a Hero"...?). He was also on the verge of death. AND he allowed to say no!! It was much more fair than what happened to the other two.

...But why though? Why the special treatment, God of Death? Why not kidnap Choi Jung Soo as a kid as well? The timing was kind of strange.

So here my theory comes in.

What if, it wasn't the God of Death who determined the timing of the transportation? What if there was an outside factor involved? Just because there seemingly wasn't a strict pattern to WHEN the Chois got transported, that doesn't mean there couldn't be one.

An outside factor like, let's say.... the Hunters? 🤔

From his behaviour in the Sloth Test, we know that Choi Jung Gun absolutely hates the Hunters. And it seemed very personal too. Even if we take it for granted that the Hunters were responsible for the existence of the Original White Star and the war and all that... It was still VERY personal. Like, "I will tear you to bloody pieces with my bare hands and chew on them with my teeth" level of personal. So, what gives?

Then it hit me.

The Five Colored Bloods Hunters are Wanderers who can freely travel across dimensions. They targeted young Kim Rok Soo, because he had a "mark" of the God of Death on. They assumed it could be a sign of a Single Lifer, and it did not matter to them if it necessary to kill him just to "check". The only reason why Kim Rok Soo survived was because Choi Jung Gun was there (even though I have issues about his execution – using a minor as BAIT?! Not cool man! Almost as bad as the God of Death!). Without him, young Kim Rok Soo absolutely would have been killed. And the way Choi Jung Gun was acting in the Sloth Test made it seem like it wasn't the first time something like this happened either.

Meaning: the Hunters were already on Earth 1. They have been there.

So, what if... the Hunters had already targeted the Chois in the past? Including Choi Jung Gun himself?

Think about it. If the Hunters had any clue that this particular lineage could produce Single Lifers... they'd certainly keep an eye on the Choi family, right? There would be no need to directly interfere. Just, watching them from the sidelines and let them produce next generations. Spying on their kids – like the total creeps they are.

And perhaps, there was a particular sign of a potential Single Lifer to watch out for, that could manifest around adolescence? What if Choi Jung Gun showed such a sign at the age of 15?

Instead of simply using him as a weapon to save another world... was the God of Death actually trying to save Choi Jung Gun? By transporting him into another dimension??

It would... kinda make sense, right? By transporting Choi Jung Gun, his "Single Lifer power" activated. His lifespan became much longer, he developed an Ancient Power too. He was initially weak, but he grew stronger overtime. Strong enough to stand up to the Hunters and protect himself; and also taking him away from their immediate reach.

...What if the same happened with Choi Han? What if Choi Han became a target at the age of 17? And the only way to save him was to transport him as well? I mean it worked with Choi Jung Gun, why not try it a second time? If the first one became a powerful ally who could fight the Hunters, the God of Death would certainly like another one on his payroll, right?

And then there's Choi Jung Soo, of course. Maybe he escaped the scrutiny of the Hunters? Or maybe because he developed powers which made him a harder target? Why would the Hunters bother with difficult opponents when they can always play dirty and go after literal children, instead? There is also the issue of the Monster Apocalypse, as Cale suspects the Hunters were behind it as well. Maybe the Hunters had a different plan for Earth 1, and so they had to stop using it as hunting grounds for Single Lifers?

If I'm right about this, then the God of Death's actions became a liiiiitle bit more understandable.

I will forever criticize the man for not asking at least three of his victims (and don't try to give me some bull about him being "unable to", God of Death used various means to communicate through the story; Choi Jung Gun even freaking wrote "The Birth of a Hero" books for the sole purpose of giving necessary exposition to a transmigrator – more than that, if he had enough space to simp for Whales and provide Harol's backstory for no reason! He could have included ANY type of message in there, to ANYONE!), but if Choi Jung Gun were to literally die if he did not get kidnapped and transported into a war-torn dimension in need of saving... Well? Saving someone's life via transmigration might be unconventional, but I've seen it happen a lot in many isekai. I can roll with this.

...But seriously tho, I hope Choi Jung Gun makes that broom beating a regular thing. The God of Death certainly can use it. You know – for emotional intelligence improvement! 😏

[lovelykil]

DUDE…. Kyle and Stan reacting to there S/O asking for hand pics… (I have a rlly weird fucking hand fetish, my bad 😭)

─Headcanons─

kyle & stan x reader older ver.

hc; asking for hand pics

cw; none

note; HELPP no cs me too......... ermm anyway 😊 ⤵

Kyle—

omg his hands are pale, nice, and slender

Big but not too much, and they are surprisingly soft.

I say surprisingly because he plays basketball.

You'd think they're maybe rough.. they are– he just uses lotion to make his hands soft to the touch

Makes him feel better and clean

Anyway

You LOVEE his hands you sometimes just admire them as he helps you with homework.

Your gaze was drawn as he moved the pencil across the paper, his hand guiding the tool. Some veins faintly appeared as he did so.

You couldn't help but imagine what he could do with them right now if he wasn't blabbering about math homework.

Alright now the GOOD STUFF

As any other person who was just asked if they can send hand pics, he is very much flabbergasted.

He was just writing an essay for his English class when he saw the text, he was so CONFUSED and concerned.

disclaimer I didn't know what the hell to do for usernames so matching it was 🤦🏾‍♀️

He stared at his phone like

'😧' and then '🤨'

Why do you want a hand pic???

For what reason would you send that for 😭??

Well..

He got his answer ☠️

His face IMMEDIATELY went red, setting down his phone to process this situation.

It took like 2 minutes for him to calm down before he took a breather and grabbed back his phone.

He opened his camera and set his hand on his desk, trying to figure out a good camera angle.

I don't know why but bro was stressing

But he finally got a pic he was sorta okay about 🫶🏾

His brain process during this was just all like

what the hell

Why

Why

No I don't like this angle, how about this way

My hand looks stupid she's gonna hate it :(

WHY IS SHE EVEN INTO THIS ANYWAY

I am dating a weirdo.

Anyway he opened back your chat and sent it after a few uncertain seconds.

BARKBARKVAK4KEKKEES

okay sorry, that is literally how I see his hands

so yummy 🤤

After that text message sent, he set that phone down so fast.. and immediately went to type back on his laptop again.

He wasn't too crazy about this request though nothing would compare to when you asked for that whimper audio from him.

He still thinks about it till this day, wanting to die inside

It's okay tho cause you were happy :3

anyway on your end when you saw his notification pop up, you clicked on it FAST

thirsty ass mf

The way you grinned so hard was insane, you were kicking your feet and giggling when you clicked on the photo.

You saved it to your camera roll to add to the rest of the hand pics you secretly had of Kyle..

He doesn't know about this and never will

You went back to your messages with him and texted back

something is purring

and it is not a cat.

Stan—

He wears rings (ohohohoo)

His hands are rough and have calluses from playing his guitar.

Not too rough though just a neutral rough if that even makes sense

When you guys hang out he sometimes likes playing for you

SOMETIMES.

he's a lil shy, he practices alot to play for you so he doesn't look like an idiot.

Sooo that's why his hands are so rough. But you kinda liked it anyway?

The way his chipped black nail-polished fingers strummed his guitar made your stomach do the thing.

Plus his sliver and black rings?

Oh god

It's just the way he glides his fingers tbh I swear

Like play with me like the way you play your guitar 🫤!!

☠️

anywho

Stan was laying in bed, scrolling on TikTok

The usual when he can't sleep and you were already asleep.

Well he thought you were asleep, you sent him a gn text??? But he received a text message 20 minutes later

He's in a little blushy blushy mess now.

What will he do? Send the pic so his gf can rest peacefully? If you said yes...

WRONGG

I'm jk

Idk kinda almost chill wit it? But he definitely felt a little vomit come up in his throat from you thinking of him.

I mean he cares a little like why would you ask that 😭

But it's late so he doesn't really question it

In the pitch dark he snapped a photo of his hand, checked to see if it looked decent then sent his pic.

His rings were off in his 1 😞

but nonetheless you smiled hard, when you saw the picture

Something about his hands screamed

LOSERR that or I just have a problem

but in a hot way ofc, he's a loser but your loser

You giggled like a whore, getting yourself comfortable on your bed.

You then replied back

😭😭

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Do you think Harry could’ve killed anyone for real? Like do you think he’s actually capable of taking a life?

I mean, he already sorta did... I mean, he killed Quirrell, not exactly on purpose, but he did. And he doesn't seem to react to it in any way that indicates he's suffering from guilt about it. Even though it was Lily's magic that killed Quirrell, Harry actively chose to hurt him:

“Master, I cannot hold him — my hands — my hands!” And Quirrell, though pinning Harry to the ground with his knees, let go of his neck and stared, bewildered, at his own palms — Harry could see they looked burned, raw, red, and shiny. “Then kill him, fool, and be done!” screeched Voldemort. Quirrell raised his hand to perform a deadly curse, but Harry, by instinct, reached up and grabbed Quirrell’s face — “AAAARGH!”

(PS, 212)

And even during the battles with Death Eaters at various points in the books, he doesn't really care if some of them die (at least most of them). During the battle of the Seven Potters Harry is very aware that any spell that would make the Death Eaters fall from the sky is akin to a killing curse:

“We were hundreds of feet up! Stan’s not himself and if I stunned him and he’d fallen, he’d have died the same as if I’d used Avada Kedavra!!...”

(DH, 65)

And yet:

As they soared upward, away from the two remaining Death Eaters, Harry spat blood out of his mouth, pointed his wand at the falling sidecar, and yelled, “Confringo!” He knew a dreadful, gut-wrenching pang for Hedwig as it exploded; the Death Eater nearest it was blasted off his broom and fell from sight; his companion fell back and vanished.

(DH, 56)

Wriggling around he cried, “Stupefy!” and a red bolt of light shot from his own wand, cleaving a gap between the four pursuing Death Eaters as they scattered to avoid it

(DH, 54)

He actively tries to shoot the chasing Death eaters out of the sky and actually hits a few of them. Remus confronts him about how he isn't willing to kill, but that isn't true. Harry isn't willing to kill Stan Shunpike who he believes is innocent, he is very much willing to kill other Death Eaters.

At the end of HBP, after Harry knows what Sectumsempra does, he knows it's practically a killing curse, he already almost killed Draco with it. And he chooses to try and use it on Snape during the Death Eaters escape:

Pushing himself to his feet again, he staggered blindly toward Snape, the man he now hated as much as he hated Voldemort himself — “Sectum — !” Snape flicked his wand and the curse was repelled yet again; but Harry was mere feet away now and he could see Snape’s face clearly at last

(HBP, 603)

So, I'd say yes, Harry is willing and capable of killing when he feels someone deserves it and the situation calls for it. He has killed Quirrell and maybe 3 Death Eaters that fell from the sky during the Battle of the Seven Potters. He potentially also killed a few goblins during the escape from Gringotts in DH but I don't really count that since it was the dragon, really. And he isn't exactly beating himself over the deaths of many Death Eaters in the later Battle of Hogwarts. The point is, Harry did take lives in the past, yes, in self-defense and I don't blame him, these were life-or-death situations and he responded accordingly. But he is capable of killing in defense of himself or others.

[xp95]

rambling again (radqueer getting worse, "ACRQ"?)

i was talking to someone irl about radqueer stuff and how it's sorta gotten worse (more pro contact, more anti consent, less philosophy / interesting discourse, more focus on stuff i find personally disinteresting like dating / transharm transitioning, less focus on other transIDs and paraphilia education/advocacy).

i was talking about how the radqueer space has got 'more and more groomers', he was saying 'they always weasel their way in when people don't kick them out'. on one hand, radqueers are notably uncaring when someone is pro contact or anti consent. but on the other hand - it's partly Tumblr moderation's fault - i've tried to report anti-consent people, people literally identifying as being 'pro rape and not in a roleplay sense', and they don't do much. Or if they do ban the account, the person just makes another the next day.

also he agreed that being 'uncaring about contact discourse' is weird and i feel validated right now. (yes! it is good to care about bestiality and child-adult sex being abusive!! someone else can see the obvious thing!!)

he brought up (paraphrasing here,) "maybe there should just be a community that like, radqueer but specifically not letting pro-contact and anti-consent people in" and i was like yeah... why isn't there just an "anti contact radqueer" community... i feel like this could be a thing.

brainstorming about "anti contact radqueer" being a thing:

a tag/space/ideology/community for radqueers who want to stop being in 'the same community' with people advocating for sex between adults and children, and bestiality

it feels a lot more simple than making Another blankqueer stance. it's just... radqueer but anti contact. so much more simple, and not tied to a specific aesthetic or person.

i think the "anti contact" part should be specifically about MAP & zoo. it's kinda irrelevant to bring up stuff like "what about objectophilic contact" (we all think that's fine), or "what about necrophilic contact" (i think the community generally agrees that you should just respect someone's wishes for what happens after they die. and if they donate their body to necrophiles, then its their right to do so)

branding:

could be abbreviated to something like "ACRQ", so it's easier to type/tag. i don't think anyone else is heavily invested in using this acronym

cat mascot would be fun

emoji combo could be ❤️🌈🍓. (anti contact red heart plus radqueer rainbow-strawberry). it looks pretty but is maybe not colorblind accessible? (for red-green colorblindness especially, since the pro contact symbol is a green heart). alternatively, there's 🔒🌈🍓 (anti contact closed padlock) but the closed and opened padlocks are hard to differentiate for me. also there's 🌳🌈🍓, but people don't often use the plant emojis to indicate contact stance. (my reference for the emoji codes)

the flag:

there's vocalux's anti c para radqueer flag. tbh i dont like this flag very much - no hate to the creator, i don't want this to sound mean - but i would design it differently. the semi-transparent Xs are hard to replicate. i don't really like the colors. i would like a flag that is more obviously radqueer… like with a spectrum like the popular one maybe? maybe i'll try to design my own someday if i feel like it

the pre-radqueer flag is very swag and aligns a lot with what i'm thinking, but "pre-radqueer / not radqueer enough (ironic)" is slightly different in concept to an "anti contact radqueer" flag

i'm thinking we should have something very obviously radqueer, but distinguishable from the general radqueer flag.

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

SYNOPSIS: “I love you, but why do you avoid me so?”

TW/s: unrequited love, unhappy ending, Kazuha is a respectful man fr, reverse yandere dynamics (sorta), pre heikazu matchup, shit happens and it's an overall hurt/no comfort… Surprisingly. (Takes place in Kazuha's perspective + experimenting on yan reader so very ooc.)

NOTE FROM HR: Happy Valentine’s Day. Kazuha knew from this day that it wouldn't end well, and yet he kept his promise for your sake. Still, I have one question for you. Did you think what happened to you was well deserved?

Kazuha is a strange individual.

From the beginning, he made it awfully clear that you two are companions. He never thought of your bond with him as anything serious, or even had a deeper meaning to it. To him, what truly mattered was that you were with a friend.

This was made obvious. He didn't want to make things awkward, so he straight up said that the two of you are simply friends. That was your boundary, and you didn't mind that, so you two ended on that note.

Even when you both hung out, Kazuha remained the same way. He couldn't see your relationship with him soar past romance, and he was… surprisingly enough, content with the idea.

He loathed having to do the inevitable, though. Especially when he noticed the little signs of you acting odd.

Sometimes, the musician would catch you reading his music sheets. It amused him, so when he did, he went over and offered to teach you. You've always been a fan of music, so he knew you'd enjoy whatever he had planned on composing.

However, what he didn't expect was for you to actually compose something for him. You said that it was for his sake, considering he was with you even when things aren't going so well at his job.

It was also a sign of appreciation, you told him.

But he didn't believe you.

It isn't because he disliked the gift— he adored it. He truly did. However, he simply felt as though he didn't deserve it. Maybe it was insane for him to think of that, but he hated to see you wind up hurt because of it.

The sweetest adoration can always be the most bitter hatred. That is what he learned.

But you didn't stop when he told you it was not necessary. You insisted on it, so you pushed through with your plans, making it happen even if Kazuha knew that it was a horrible idea.

Watching you make it without a single fuss or complaint, he simply stayed by your side so you don't wind up becoming ill in your ventures of composing it. He frowned every time you denied it, only to see you take it without fuss when he wasn't present.

Such a difficult thing you are. You should take better care of yourself, he wanted to say. However, he kept his mouth shut and continued on with what he's doing.

Each day, you seem to slave away with composing the music to perfection. Kazuha tried to dissuade you, but you simply shrugged him off, like you didn't want him to stop you from your actions.

It worried him. It worried him so much as your friend, as he didn't want you to die doing such a thing. After all, had you've known he was more interested in you honing your skills for yourself, would you have told him otherwise?

And yet all he can do is watch until you've finished your life's work. You were excited as you told him, and he even tried to play what you made so you two can tell how it sounds. However, much like his feelings in the relationship, it sounded sour.

It was anything unlike the things he's heard, and even he knew it was a novice’s work. Stopping his playing, he examined the notes, trying to decipher what it said. Although, at the corner of his eyes, he could see that your hopes were dashed.

So he simply abandoned the criticism he has for your work and focused on consoling you. In his eyes, you've done your best, and yet the seeds of doubt were sewn in your head.

Did he truly like it? Or did you simply think he did out of obligation?

Each day that passed, your relationship with Kazuha became less friendly and became more of a one-sided budding romance. Kazuha has already put himself out there, but you can’t seem to notice it, like you were blinded to such signs. Or maybe you aren’t, but you simply chose to ignore them for the sake of having what’s yours.

Kazuha could hardly wrap his head around it. He didn’t want you to fall for him, he didn’t want you to suffer the pain of being rejected. Even if his job entailed such horrid truths for ‘rejecting’ someone, he did not want to bring harm to you.

You were his only friend outside the company. The light he considered to be the warmest, the one that kept his mind clear.

Alas, like other light sources, yours dwindled and began to lose its spark.

He tried to stop you multiple times. He didn’t want you hurt, but all you did was simply insist on it. You forced it on him, begging for him to even take a second glimpse into it. That you’d make him happy if he gave it a chance.

That was when he knew you were too far gone.

It was the night before Valentine’s, and yet Kazuha stood by your porch. At the back of his hand was a bouquet he had, and like a cliche romance troupe, he had prepared chocolates and even a music sheet he composed himself.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

…

No response.

He knocked again.

…

Nothing.

Then, he turned the door open and walked inside.

Metallic. It’s so pungent, it’s what made him stumble. His eyes widened as he struggled to simply keep his footing. He always forgot how hard it was for him to keep his ground, he thinks.

Looking down, he was met with an awful surprise.

Bloodied sheets were laid bare all across the floor, with a few of its piles drenched in blood. The one who became the source of its ‘mess’ laid on the piano, your head simply laying on the keys for God knows how long. The blood has stopped pouring, but there were still some on your body and the keys.

He grimaced.

He could hardly care for the flowers now.

You were killed by someone else.

Quietly, he walked to your corpse, his frown evident on his face. He hardly knew what became of your fate, but the music sheet in front of him had a single phrase as its title.

‘Goodnight, Sweet Prince’.

“... You always told me you’re never this sappy.”

Taking a seat, he gently moved the body aside and let the head lean back, this time so he could play the music that you composed. There were a few parts that led to it sounding distorted, but with Kazuha’s hands, it became bearable to listen to.

Still, Kazuha remained that frown on his face.

He lost the one that gave him the light, after all. Now, he’s back walking in the dark.

@.throw-letter-away | do not republish or repost my works anywhere | 2024

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Hey, OMG I love your writing I was wondering if you can do a Tom and Bill and head cannon (separately ofc) for when the reader is like eastern European or Russian or whatever and she’s also a rockstar, she could be like the singer Or a guitarist or whatever and she has like a heavy Russian accent, and pronounces most words funny, and everyone always laughs about it.

(hello! Sure I can and I love this idea! I hope you enjoy and thank you for requesting and reading my writing!)

Reader With An Accent

Bill Kaulitz

I feel like he's a sucker for accents

Like when he first heard your voice and how it sounded, oh my Lord he's dying

Especially if it's like really smooth

He stares for a moment and feels like he's bouta die

He wanted to talk to you immediately and you seemed excited to meet him since he sorta had an accent too

He says some stuff mixed up or wrong sometimes too

It's normal

He gets how it is for you and how sometimes it is a bit low when people laugh

If they don't mean it in a bad way, but you still get down he's reassuring you while trying not to give a stank eye to the one laughing

If it's a band member he's outright telling them to shush

But if you laugh along with it, he's cool and may giggle around too

He doesn't really laugh at your mispron words

He just finds it a bit giggle worthy and teas you a little bit

You guys spend a lot of time just sitting in front of each other and repeating the same words you guys mispronounce

You guys made a game out of it

Whoever says it right first or says it good enough wins

He'll teach you how to pronounce words you mess up a bit more than others on

He loves your singing voice if you're a singer

Or if you like humming or singing little songs and shit like that just around the room or when you're with him

Sing him or him him a little song while his head is on your chest

He might as well propose right then and there

Tom Kaulitz

Your accent is also something he first noticed about you

Maybe in an interview if you and your band did one with Tokio Hotel

He found it actually pretty hot, he didn't hear your accent very often

He finds your mispronounced words a bit more funny

He will joke around by it and tease you a little

But he finds your accent actually pretty cool

Could listen to you say the most rancid and horrible things but only pay attention to the accent

He also weirdly likes hearing your accent with cuss words in it??

I don't know, bring it up to him

If you're in the band and sing like back up vocals or sometimes in songs with Bill, he actually likes hearing your voice also

You guys also have a game

It's sorta different though

You say the word you mispronounce most and he tries to guess them right

Whoever wins gets a kiss, that was his idea mind you

He is actually pretty proud to be dating you, especially with such a cool accent

If you're voice is also sorta deep and smooth it adds into it

He can laugh at your mispronounced words and tease you about it

If you're cool with that, that is

If you're not, he'll feel a bit guilty and cut back on it

But if you're cool with it, he'll joke around with you about it

He, as in Tom

And it's harmless jokes for laughs, he's not horrible about it

He finds it funny anda but cute

He wouldn't laugh at it to make fun of you, he hates when people do that

Since you're famous people loved you while some don't

People who didn't thought it would be funny to mimic your accent to make fun of you

Tom hated it, when he heard people do it he kept glaring and giving the stink eye

While Bill is careful, Tom is not

He doesn't give a shit and will ask them outright to shut the fuck up or if they have a problem

He's not cool with people making fun of you just for your accent

Especially cause he loves it sm

[hoejosatoru]

your faves written by my faves

I believe all anime men can be categorized by if they were written by Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, or Ethel Cain. 

Characters: jujutsu kaisen, haikyuu, chainsaw man, tokyo revengers, demon slayer, attack on titan, hunter x hunter, buddy daddies, MHA, hell’s paradise

CW for suggestive content, toxic relationship for Ethel Cain category. All characters are time skip as applies (ex Tokyo rev/haikyuu). MDNI 

Written by Taylor Swift

Sweet & Romantic. The boy next-door type. Friends to lovers vibe. The type to throw rocks at your window and get you to sneak out just to watch the stars. Writes you letters. So many of each other’s firsts. Feels like a fairytale. Can range from a soft and gentle love to one that's fast and exciting, depending on person/situation. Always holds your hand when walking. A strong, healthy relationship. Would literally rather die than upset you. Buys you flowers. Sends you songs he thinks you’ll love. Calls you sweetheart, baby, my love. Loved by your friends and family. Makes you believe in love.

Yuta Okkotsu, Yuji Itadori, Megumi Fushiguro, Denji (I swear once he calms down a lil he’d be a great partner), Takemichi, Mitsuya, Hakkai, Chifuyu, Kazutora, Shinichiro, Hinata Shoyo, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Akaashi, Bokuto, Kageyama, Osamu, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Kenma, 99% of the haikuu cast unless listed elsewhere, Giyu, Rengoku, Jean, Connie, Armin, Kurapika, Leorio, Kazuki, Hawks

“Can I tell you a secret?” your best friend asks. You’re laying out on a blanket, watching the stars. You look at him, admiring how they twinkle in his eyes.

“Of course.” 

“I think I love you.” He looks at you then, filling your chest with warmth. You’ve waited for him to say those words for so long, to name what has always existed between you.

“Can I show you what I think?” He nods eagerly. You lean in, pressing your lips to his. It is everything you always hoped it would be. He smiles into your kiss. “I think I love you, too.”

Written by Lana Del Rey

Sensual & Intense. Bad boy or hard exterior, but soft on the inside. Likes showing you off, but hates when other men look at you. Always has a hand on your lower back. Possessive, but in a controlling way. Dress slutty I can fight type. And he means it he will fuck anyone up for you. Makes you feel safe. Most likely to have a scandalous type of relationship (like an age gap, he has a bad reputation, etc). Probably has some sorta vice (smoking/drinking/fighting). High sex drive, he just can’t resist you :(. Probably has a daddy kink or is a dom (mostly soft/pleasure). Calls you princess, angel, pretty girl. Sometimes the relationship can be toxic, but you know the foundation is built on love. 

Draken, Mikey, Ran, Rindou, Wakasa, Baji, Taiju, Inui, Koko, Sanzu, Izana, Kakucho, basically all of tokyo rev unless listed elsewhere, Rei, Toji, Geto, Gojo, Nanami, Suna, Terushima, Atsumu, Ushijima, Coach Ukai, Aki, Kishibe, Tengen, Obanai, Sanemi, Akaza, Levi, Eren, Reiner, Zeke, Aizawa, Gabimaru, Yamada Asaemon Shion, Tenza

“Come ‘ere baby,” he calls to you. He’s been eyeing you in that little sundress all night and his will power has run thin. You stand between his legs, looking down at him with a soft smile. The setting sun twinkles against the chain around his neck, making him look extra handsome. His large hand is on the back of your thigh, sliding up higher and higher and- you gasp his name and he squeezes your ass under your dress.

“People are gonna see!” you whisper yell, gesturing to all your friends mingling in your backyard. He has a lazy smile on his face as he rubs circles on your inner thigh.

“Don’t care,” he says, “Can’t resist my pretty girl anymore.”

Written by Ethel Cain

Toxic & Addictive. A waling red flag, but baby you are color blind. You know you shouldn’t, but there’s just something about him. He’s addictive. Super possessive and controlling. Always has his hands on you. Leaves bruises. Most likely to be a criminal or something darker. Would kill for you. Swears he loves you and that's why he acts so crazy. Honestly brings out the crazy in you too. Super high sex drive, wants you all the time. Hard dom. Calls you my girl when feeling nice, slut when he isn’t. Says my slut when he’s somewhere in between. Codependent. Fuck everyone but us type.

Sukuna, Douma, Hantengu clones, Muzan, Gyutaro, Hanma, Aza Chobe, Chrollo, Feitan, hisoka, illumi

He has your jaw in his hands, squeezing. Hard. There’s a twisted smile on his face, one that makes your heart race and your thighs rub together. 

“You know you can never leave me, right?” he questions you. Though you know it is no question right. “You’re mine. Forever.” His hips have you pinned to the bed as he licks up your neck.

“All yours,” you reply. And you mean it. You were two halves of a fucked up whole. You loved him even if it drove you crazy.

His hand goes down your pants. “Good girl.”

[bingoboingobongo]

task force 141 + new years

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

Warnings: none

A/N: um the pre new years depression is hitting me hard so im gonna listen to the same music a hs boy would to make it better. see you guys next year :)

alright so good lord i don't think anyone in the task force can really accept that it's already new years oh god

like they're all really busy all the time and so the year has a tendency to just fly by

that being said the task force is more than ready to say goodbye to 2022 and say hello to 2023

of course soap is the first to propose a new year's party

complete with lots of champagne, new years resolutions, and of course lots of celebrating

and yes they will all be passed out and hungover come morning

anyways

simon "ghost" riley:

alright so even though he isn't a party person in the spirit of growth ghost decides to attend the entirety of soap's little party

and you know what it was a really good idea

his new year resolution this year was to try and open up a little more

obviously he's still gonna be ghost when it comes to work, but with the people he loves he's gonna try and lower his walls a little

anyways it turns out to be a pretty fun decision

leading up to midnight he's still pretty much his old ghost self

not really getting into the party too much, sorta just lurking in the corners, you get it

but after the ball drops and everyone else is getting even more and more drunk

ghost lets himself loose a little

definitely starts drinking and interacting more

and by the end of the night he's almost completely out of his shell

turns out with enough alcohol even ghost becomes just another regular guy

he's cracking really bad jokes, laughing at everyone else's really bad jokes, and generally just having a really good time

and yes if you guys are together he will give you a new years kiss

even if he has sneak away to do it

john "soap" mactavish:

alright so soap is really hyped for new years

he's pregaming way before he needs to pregame let's be honest

and when the festivities do start you know soap's gonna be the life of the party

he's definitely getting into way too many drinking games than he should lol

it doesn't take him very long to get stupid drunk

when midnight comes he's screaming the loudest during the countdown

he's had enough of this year and he is more than ready to send it off

and when the ball drops he is screaming as loud as possible

will definitely immediately give you a kiss too

this year soap's new years resolution is to make the most out of every day

it's kinda a cop out resolution he'll admit but that's the one he sets pretty much every year so it's practically tradition at this point

besides he thinks he does a pretty good job completing it

he's a lot more familiar than he would like with how easy it is to die

i mean he is in life or death scenarios like every other week

so it's just important for him that he goes out with no regrets

kyle "gaz" garrick:

alright so gaz gets pretty introspective during the new years

like before all the partying and the alcohol comes out he likes to take the time to step back and really analyze the year

he tries to make each year better than the last and so he always looks at last year's shortcomings to see where he needs to improve

this year his new year's resolution is to fall out of less helicopters

just kidding

his resolution is to try and spend more time with you and his family

this year gaz is all about showing the people he loves just how much he cares about them

after his many near death experiences, he's realized that the next day really isn't promised and it's important to let people know how much you love them

that being said when it gets to the party any introspective is gone for the night

gaz is ready to get drunk and have a good time

he's definitely doing karaoke after a few drinks

and when the ball drops get ready to experience the most mind blowing kiss ever

john price:

alright so like gaz price tends to get pretty introspective during the new years

part of it is just who he is and part of it comes from his military training

he's always trying to be better and improve

and so his new year's resolutions are chances for him to do that

this year his resolution is to increase his mentorship when it comes to the task force

he trusts that ghost can be a good successor if he dies, but he also wants to make sure gaz and soap are prepared as well

ik it's kinda a bummer way to start the year, preparing for your own death, but it's the military what can i say

that being said any pre new years angst is out the window when it's time to start the party

price may be prepared to die but he's also prepared to start the year off right

he's very very happy counting down the seconds with a drink in his hand and his arm wrapped around you

and you can feel him smile against you as he gives you your new years kiss

alejandro vargas:

alright so tbh idk where the origins of this superstition come from but ive heard of a lot of hispanic people doing it so ig it fits

but alejandro is definitely getting under the table and eating his grapes

him and rudy too because they've done it together every year since they met

honestly he's not too big on new years resolutions just because he feels like he always ends up being so busy with work he ends up forgetting

so he just lets his grape wishes do the work for him lol

some of the things he's wishing for is being alive (duh), wealth, love, etc.

i mean it's really all the classics

when it comes to the party alejandro is ready to get drunk and have a good time

definitely cheers pretty loudly once it strikes midnight

is also a big fireworks enthusiast

you'll have to sit under the table with him if you want a new years kiss tho sorry

he'll give you a quick peck, eat all his grapes, and then give you a better kiss once he's done

rodolfo "rudy" parra:

alright rudy's definitely the kind of guy to get sad during new years

and honestly me too rudy me too

idk man rudy just feels like the years go by way too fast

so this year his new year's resolution is to make more memories to make the year seem longer

like alejandro he also gets under the table and does the grape thing

it's something alejandro taught him when they first met and it's one of his favorite traditions

he gets very stressed about eating all the grapes tho

but usually if he rushes he can get them all in

he'll kiss you once he's done with his grapes that way he can focus all his attention on you

and the party is honestly a great way for him to start of his new year's resolution off right and fight off the new year depression

because it's pretty hard to be depressed when he's around a group of people as amazing as you and the task force

[walrus150915]

I AM DEEPLY SORRY BUT

I thought about Goldenheart fankids for a while so I've decided to make my own!

Now, it's important to acknowledge that I honestly believe that they wouldn't have kids post-movie. That makes sense thematically and it's kind of poetic if you think about it (a gay man being the end of his bloodline which started all this copaganda n stuff) but I😭😭 I couldn't stop thinking about this!!

I present to you:

THEIR KIDDO YUPIEEEEE

Some fun facts abt them:

- Aquila is a gender neutral name which means "eagle". I thought it'd be funny to keep the tradition of their weird medieval names. Eagle Braveman, a child of Godsfood Goodatsex and Staircase Braveman, gotta love that💅

- also yea. I gave them Bal's surname bc there's no way in the world Ambrosius would want to give them his surname. His bloodline ends with him in an good old gay tradition😎😎

- I think they'd be a happy accident tbh (if we're talking about seahorse dad situation shfjj)

- Nimona didn't expect to love them as much as she did but now they're literally her favorite person😭 siblings are REAL (although I think Nimona is like- sibling-uncle-aunt-family friend figure sorta kinda)

- About their personality? Well, they're reserved, not much of a talker, kinda socially awkward and overthinks a lot (just like their papas)

- They hate sports of all kinds like they CAN'T stand it. Also they don't know those knight traditions n stuff and have never held a sword in their life- I think that's a good "f u" to the system which expected children to become weapons bc Ballister, Ambrosius and especially Nimona would never let this child repeat all the stuff they all came through

- I don't think they even talked about their knightly upbringing to Aquila, and when Aquila asked about it they tried to avoid answering so bad

- About parenting btw- Ambrosius and Ballister both beat the "emotionally detached Asian father" allegations. These two are WAY too attached I'd say😭 they can be overprotective (cough cough Ballister) or overbearing (I see ya Ambrosius) sometimes (although Ambrosius is overprotective as well, if not more than Bal)

- Ambrosius tries his best to not repeat his parents' mistakes and let Aquila live a happy, relaxed childhood, but he slips from time to time. "Why did I have to work so hard to achieve even a little bit of acknowledgement from my parents and now this kid expects me to praise them even for the smallest of things" kind of deal. He slowly learns to relearn this way of thinking but- yeah, bro still has those good ol' Asian dad quirks

- I think Ballister had loving parents yet they couldn't provide for him or care for him properly because of poverty and social injustice. So now he makes sure Aquila has everything they need and are loved enough. It's really hard not to be overprotective of your child when you and your husband had an upbringing like theirs😭😭

- Aquila is kind of embarrassed by them because I think they both would be the type of dad who drives them to high school and makes them say "I love you too, dad" in front of their peers (like that into the spiderverse scene)

- With that said, they three all love each other despite all the hardships and stuff bc they're a FAMILYYYYY

- Nimona would be THE best person in the world for Aquila, she's their role model of sorts, I even think she'd be what helped them to realize they're enby in the first place

- Nimona would always be there for Aquila and would always be on their side even when they're in a fight with their dads

- They're the best buddies ever - Ballister expected Nimona to be jealous ("older kids of the fam" deal) but she wasn't in the slightest!

- Imagine Ballister and Ambrosius trying to make Aquila say "abba" or "appa", but the first thing they mumble is "Nim!" oh Nimona would DIE FROM LAUGHTERRR😭😭

Some general hcs:

- Ambrosius would read bedtime stories to Aquila when they were a kid and would miss this horribly as they grew up

- Ballister would make them clockwork toys

- Aquila loves sewing and customizing things

- Idk their sexuality honestly but I know that they love girls💅

- Ambrosius would distance himself from his family so much that Aquila barely knows them

- I think Aquila is aware of the whole Gloreth situation but doesn't care that much for her - after all, they know that it was some random kid 1000+ years ago whom everyone took as a hero when she wasn't

Some sketches of them shshwjne!!

Please don't ask me why Ballister looks like my grandpa😭

(Speaking of Ballister- I think at some point of Aquila's toddlerhood him and Ambrosius laid in their bed and Ambrosius was like: "Babe, what do you think of getting a second kid?"

Then Aquila immediately started crying in another room and Ambrosius signed heavily, standing up from the bed: "Yknow what? Forget what I said")

[devsgames]

Starfield Has A Direction Problem (A.K.A. 3000 words on Starfield)

(This was cross-posted from my Patreon. Please consider supporting to help support the work that I do and get early acess to articles and game prototypes! Also there will be spoilers for Starfield in this post, so avoid reading if you care about that!)

I want to paint a picture for you.

---

I enter the secret United Colonies space station, taking stock of the cargo workers mulling on around me. For all intents and purposes, they think me and my associate Andreja are one of them, unloading cargo from an unassuming freighter. In reality however, we're on a mission for the Crimson Fleet - the nastiest pirates in the galaxy who are willing to blackmail, cheat, and steal their way to riches. We're here to pilfer some top secret ship technology; if we don't get shot trying.

I enter a room and in my haste one of the guards stop me. They question me, and my answers fail to meet their scrutiny. They realize I'm not one of them and start firing at me. Things are about to get ugly.

Before I know it, my companion Andreja and I are weapons hot, firing a hail of bullets at the soldiers who stand the hallway across from us. It's now do or die to get our hands on this tech - and I'm not planning on dying today. We cut through the cargo bay, crossed by fleeing and cowering dock workers, scientists and engineers. Sure, they're innocents in our battle, but this is a dirty job and they're witnesses to our larceny; they have to go. "You won't get away!", Andreja screams at them at the top of her lungs before firing a few quick shots of her beam rifle into their face. Another problem dealt with.

Next to their still-warm corpses I notice a stack of medical supplies ripe for the taking amongst the cargo, and I pilfer them as they're sure to come in useful on the way to our objective.

Suddenly I hear Andreja's voice chime in from behind me, the derision audibly coming in thick through her teeth: "What? We're resorting to stealing now?!", she asks while harbouring zero semblance of irony or awareness.

---

This was extra confusing considering that when I first joined Constellation - essentially the 'explorer's guild' of the Starfield universe as well as the main story faction - its leader Sarah Morgan pulled me aside and explicitly said 'we don't care who you are or what you get up to, as long as you're interested in discovering the secrets of the universe you're a welcome member here :)". My character Nicoletta was a no-nonsense, get-it-done-by-any-means-necessary type of person, so the proposition sounded great! I could do whatever I want and as long as I was exploring the universe Constellation wouldn't mind!

Little did I realize this was only true insofar as they wouldn't kick me out of the main story for being evil - however, it did mean that every single main story character would hate my guts for doing anything that bordered on criminal or non-morally-resolute.

If it seems like a confusing direction choice to penalize a player for deviating from a standard moral code in a game ostensibly labelled a "roleplaying" game where you play as a character of your own creation that's because...well, it sorta is, and at 30+ hours in that's really been the bulk of my experience with the game.

I wouldn't go so far to say that as an experience Starfield is "good" or "bad" - it certainly has its ups and downs and I've found about as much to enjoy from it as I have to dislike. However, I have a ton of feelings about how it chooses to present itself, and it's something I haven't been able to stop thinking about in the few months I've been exploring it. In fact, my 30+ hours of Starfield has felt like a series of similar confused themes and decisions that create what I can only describe as an intensely fascinating identity crisis.

According to the The Washington Post for Starfield, Todd Howard described Starfield as addressing the question "And now man is living amongst the stars: what does that mean?". I think to some extent I would agree that Starfield is fundamentally about people. While it's a sci-fi game set in the year 2310, you can tell its focused on people and their experiences with the world and tries to focus in on what that would mean. Characters will have mundane, everyday conversations on the backdrop of a gorgeous alien landscapes or utopian cities, side quests often involve solving minor disputes or helping folks with very mundane human problems, your character's animation features them adjusting a small interface panel into position to accommodate themselves as they settle into place in their pilot chair. To some extent the game is aware that people living in this world is a core part of its identity.

But on the other hand, it doesn't carve quite enough into what that really means, and many of these ideas feel like they didn't provide themselves with a leg to stand on.

Take the worldbuilding itself; it's only been two hundred and fifty years since mankind left Earth, and no one really mentions where they came from. There's colonies and factions people will identify themselves as, but nothing really outside the lore of the Starfield universe. There is no concept of old nationalities, rivalries, religions or anything of the like - as if the intention was to completely wash itself free of Earth and all it entails in order to have a blank creative slate.

Heck, as far as Starfield is concerned there are now only three religions:

- "Enlightened", basically space humanists

- "Sanctum Universum", essentially a Monotheistic God religion (sorry Muslims, Christians and Jews, etc. you're Sanctum Universum now! Don't ask about plural religions I guess)

- "House Va'ruun", a fictional religion around a Snake God

While it might work for something like The Elder Scrolls which is more focused on 'fun' worldbuilding and not grounded in realism, it's baffling to me for a game to claim to be about people and boil down the core element of the modern day world like this.

I mean, in our modern world people still harbour feelings, biases and grudges going back hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of years, and Starfield would somehow prefer you to pretend simply because the Earth no longer existed all those things are no longer a factor. There's some hints that some people might know about their original Earth ethnicity or nationalities...but also people still clearly have skin tones and different (often heavy) accents! It seems like an essential step of worldbuilding to include stuff like this in a very near-future space game, especially if the direction for your game claims to be about people. In the span of 200 years oral history is somehow largely gone, and Earth to most is a distant curiosity as opposed to a place of origin. What it really feels like is that it wanted to be relevant to the modern day, but so far removed that it doesn't have to deal with the real-world baggage that might entail.

I think this is sort of a pattern Starfield establishes for itself though; desperate to say something, and yet constantly puts itself in a position where it refuses to say anything at all.

You can tell even in its visual direction which Lead Artist Istvan Pely describes as "NasaPunk". Now, putting aside my absolute disdain for the habit of people arbitrarily tacking "-punk" on aesthetics to create aesthetics that aren't counterculture in any sense: Starfield is certainly about NASA. Main story missions have to explore old NASA facilities, you find NASA products as loot, and read NASA logs about previous space missions. NASA is mentioned many times by name, and features prominently in the game. The art direction of the tech in the game certainly seem inspired by modern NASA technologies extrapolated to a near-future setting.

And what does it do with this fixation on bringing NASA tech into it's world? Well...it proceeds to tell a story featuring (spoilers) unrealistically expansive city complexes, multi-dimensional space travel and alien races beyond human comprehension. It stylizes and builds upon """NASA-punk""" into its aesthetic and then tells a story via scenarios that feel very irrelevant to that fixation. It grounds itself in the modern world and chooses to abandon that entirely. NASA here serves a brand activation (and, if I'm honest, like someone on the directorial team just happened to think NASA is cool). Whatever NASA is to this game, it's not a game direction.

To that end, the story of Starfield runs a similar gambit. Now, you might be surprised when I tell you that I think Starfield takes some of the most bold and impressive story and gameplay choices I've seen in a big-budget video game in recent memory. You might be less surprised when I tell you it does absolutely nothing with them, and in fact winds up making them ultimately incredibly rote.

For example, in a story mission you suddenly find yourself hopping between dimensions (a la Titanfall 2). You stumble through a facility trapped between two dimensions, talking to people on either side, and have to eventually choose which dimension to save and which to sacrifice in order to stabilize the continuum between them. It's actually pretty cool! There's interesting puzzles to solve, an interesting moral choice to make, fun variety of combat encounters - it was altogether interesting to play!

However, at the end of it all the 'save a dimension choice' is intensely mechanical in a video-gamey sort of way: One dimension gives you a new follower, while the other gives you better loot. Nothing outside of the one location you do the mission in changes, no one outside the facility is different or comments on the choice you made, and honestly the follower you get for making the one choice isn't even that interesting or core to the narrative. On the outside world for all intents and purposes you'd never know you *changed dimensions* at all.

Another point midway through the game has your group, Constellation, under attack by an unknown alien presence. You have to make a choice between two locations to try and save your companions at. In either case, one main cast companion whose affinity is highest towards you will die if you don't choose their location.

It's pretty bold to kill a main member of the cast mid-way through the game, and I'll certainly give Starfield credit for trying a move like that! However...you're now missing the one member of the cast you ostensibly liked the most, only for them to adopt a moderately antagonist role later. Maybe it's because I struggled to gain attachment to any member of my crew, but this moment felt incredibly flat thanks to how the main narrative had presented itself up to that point.

Take Constellation: Constellation itself intrudes itself on the game in a large way, both by being tied heavily in with the main story, and also insisting on the player a specific path to take. As I mentioned, none of the members of Constellation are comfortable with you doing evil, but all of them are very happy when you do good. Because you frequently have a member of Constellation lurking over your shoulder as you go about exploring the world and doing their quests, you'll frequently be backed into a moral corner of "doing the right thing to make your associates happy"; you end up following the path the story wants you to take more than carving your own. In fact, many members of "Constellation" get upset with you if you express that you're not really interested in the premise of "exploration" and "mysteries of the universe" that they present to you in the first place, especially since it's near exclusively the only thing they ever talk about.

In many cases - perhaps unsurprisingly give Constellation's affiliations - the moral choices the game seems most happy for you to take are exceedingly middle-of-the-road and good-aligned (but ultimately centrist) ones. In one instance when I discovered the corrupt leader of a mining colony was an asshole who was making all the worker's lives a huge pain in the butt, I blackmailed him and got him fired with the hopes it could help inspire change for the workers...only for a high-ranking military man to butt in and arbitrarily take his place instead. It felt like a shallow victory, yet one that the game seemingly expected me to be happy with.

I've also found much of the dialog with the members of Constellation to be a slog because...well, they're always talking about Constellation and the events that are occurring in the story. Now this isn't inherently bad, but so many conversations with them feel like "Telling" instead of "Showing".

The limits of your interactions with the cast involve a follower tapping your shoulder to say "Boy I cannot believe [x major story event] just happened!", to which you respond, "Yeah crazy right" and then you go on with doing whatever you were doing. Each will have a major story mission to do for them, but often it feels like they're just props set in place to remark upon major story events and not really contribute much in a way that feels impactful to you. On top of this, the bulk of the main story missions involve going to the same landmarks scattered across the world to unlock powers in the exact same manner as the last time. The game clearly really really wants you to care about Constellation and everything happening to these people and the events around them as they're central figures to the whole game, but the way this is presented to you so rarely feels like it seeks to justify that to the player.

Again, this isn't to say there's nothing redeemable about these interactions! Initially, I actually really enjoyed my time talking to Sarah Morgan about the events that transpired. I loved the cast of characters and how human they all felt, until I realized how rote those conversations were as I repeated the same conversations with each of them individually with each and every member, talking about the exact same event seven different times. It's a muddy and confused mess of systems that chugs along with the weight of itself, but not implicitly one without purpose.

Sort of like the planet exploration too. In this day and age, making a space game almost has to come hand-in-hand with exploration, and it's evident that the weight of open-world exploration isn't one Starfield could technically deliver on with its constraints. Every planetary area is limited and auto-generated on entry; it's not seamless like No Man's Sky, though it is technically very open-ended as you can land anywhere on the surface of a planet.

But the more I play of it the more I wonder...why would I? I can earn money for scanning everything on every planet, sure. But the wildlife is largely similar to one another on each planet. I've explored an "Abandoned Muybridge Pharmaceuticals Lab" and "Abandoned Mining Platform" about six times now. Every planet has roughly the same encounters, events and landmarks. It's probably more true to life or """NASAPUNK""" this way (I mean, most planets are definitely just going to be big empty rocks, right?) but functionally I have seen enough at this point that I feel no obligation to explore anymore. It clearly had this ambition to provide untethered space exploration and what it entails, but didn't seem interested enough in that to maintain that commitment longer than it needed to.

Even to the cities and populate locales this is an issue. I was admittedly shocked to learn that if I stood in the middle of a major metropolitan area and shot my guns at people's feet no one would bat an eye. Civilians would continue to go about their day, Security forces would continue their conversations. Unless you're explicitly murdering people, no one cares how loud or disruptive or hostile you seem in the cities in the game. In a world that visually feels so real and goes to great extents to claim it wants you feel like there are humans here, it certainly struggles to convince you of its humanity.

---

You can tell I've clearly been thinking about Starfield a lot. I have no idea why. As I said, I don't really like it nor do I dislike it. It's not incredibly noteworthy, and probably bound to be forgotten.

I think I'm captivated by it because I can see the work put into it - it's definitely the least buggy Bethesda games I've ever played (an impressive feat for a game so large in scale), and there's a lot of heart to be found in certain moments of it. I didn't work on it and likely will never know exactly what happened in its production but to me it feels like evidence that a game can be technically impressive, with a huge budget and good design choices, but if the high-level vision of the game can't be established or maintained throughout it then it's only going to struggle to remember what it's trying to be.

I can't stop thinking about Todd Howard's description of the game's premise, and how it perfectly summarizes my feelings on Starfield: "And now man is living amongst the stars: what does that mean?".

Though Todd probably felt that Starfield was supposed to be the answer to that question, it really feels like Starfield ended up being that question in itself.

You're right Todd, "what does that mean?".

[dawnfire12]

Criminal I Richie Gecko

word count: 1772

notes: The character is 20 years old and this is part one of Criminal one shot. It serves as a backstory for Part two but you can read Part two without reading part one.

Warning: violence, injury, hostage situation, murder

Summary: Angela Fuller didn't think she would meet anyone interesting at the Dew Drop Inn especially two criminal brothers who kidnap her and her family.

Part two

The hot Texan sun made dipping my toes in the motel pool such a relief. I sat by the side of the pool moving my legs back and forth. I glance over at my younger sister, Kate, who’s sitting on the white sunchair and immersed in her cell phone.

“Come on Katie pop! Dip your feet in the water, stop being so gloomy.” I encourage her.

She ignores me and keeps scrolling away.

I push myself off the ground and walk towards her. I yank her phone from her hand and glance at the screen. MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT OF JACOB FULLER AND JENNIFER FULLER. 

I looked down at her,”Where did you get this?”

She crossed her arms, “Dad had the paperwork hidden under the RV?”

I shake my head, “You shouldn’t have looked at it.”

She glares at me, “Dad wasn’t telling us the truth! Something happened to mom and it’s his fault!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about?”

She throws her hands up, “Why are you taking his side?”

“Because you don’t know what happened. You wouldn’t understand.”

“How could you know whether or not I can understand?”

I sigh, “Just take a dip in the pool and cool off. This heat isn’t helping your temper.”

She glares at me, moving off her chair and into the water. She swims a few laps around the pool before laying on her back to float. I run my hands through my hair and look to the side to see a man in a black suit and glasses approaching.

As he walks closer, his height increases and his walk is very smooth like a sauntering cat. I look away and turn my head back to my sister.

“Are you okay?” A voice asks me.

I look to my side and see that the man is standing next to me. Up close I can see he’s a handsome man with a structured face.

“Um yeah. I’m okay.” I breathe out.

He reaches into his jacket and brings out a cigarette carton. He places one in his mouth and offers me one. I slid it out of his fingers and placed it in my mouth. He puts the cigarette carton away and takes out a lighter. He lights my cigarette first before his.

“Didn’t your daddy never tell you to do this?” He asks me.

“To do what?” I arch my eyebrow.

“Talk to strangers.”

I smile,”You never know who could turn into a friend.”

He smiles, “You on vacation or something?”

“Sorta.”

“Not much of a vacation, huh?” He blows out.

“I mean who needs the Bahamas when you have the Dew Drop Inn?” I stub out the cigarette.

“You didn’t inhale.” He takes a seat next to me.

“Last thing I need right now is to die of lung cancer.”

He chuckles, “A lot on your plate?”

“You could say that.”

“You seem like a nice girl.”

“How would you know? I could be a terrible person.”

“I pick on things?”

“Oh yeah like what?”

“An older sister who cares for her family.”

I squint my eyes, “Why do you say that I’m an older sister.”

“The way you keep glancing at your sister in the pool.” He points.

“Well you’re right on that. The older sister has to make sure that nothing is falling apart even when it is.”

“You should tell her the truth.”

“What? The truth about our mother and how she was suffering this whole time. Our dad did the only thing he knew how. If I tell her that her soul could be crushed and I can’t do that to her. And I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“Sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers.”

“I'm Angela.” I give him my hand.

“Aw now see you’ve gone and ruined the whole thing.” He shakes his hand and shakes my head.

“Well maybe we can be friends.”

He stares at me, “I’m Richard.”

Kate’s phone rings and I glance to see that it’s our dad calling. I glance at Richard,”Sorry. I should get this.”

He waves his hand, letting me know it’s okay.

“Hi dad.” I answer.

“Hey sweetie. Do you mind coming back up to the room?” My dad asks.

“Yeah, let me grab Kate.”

“Good. See you soon.”

I hung up the phone and stood up, “Kate, we got to go.”

She groans and starts swimming her way out.

I turn to Richard, “I’m sorry to cut this short but we have to go. Maybe we’ll see you around.”

I grab all of our stuff as Kate walks out of the pool.I meet her halfway and wrap a towel around her. We walk out of the pool and towards our room. I take one last look at Richard.

“It may be sooner than you think.” Richard mumbles to himself.

We walk up one flight of stairs and to the left. I put the key into the doorknob of the hotel room and opened it up to see our father and brother sitting on the bed with a stranger pointing a gun at them.

“Girls run!” Dad shouts.

We turn around and Richard is standing behind us.

“Good to see you again.” He towers over us. 

We tremble and back up into the room. Richard takes out his gun from his pants and motions us to sit down on a bed.

“Alright familia. Here’s the plan. Dad goes first. Boy Wonder and Angel go down with my brother. And Katie pop comes with me.” The stranger directs us.

“Let me talk to them first please.” Dad says.

The stranger groans,”Fine. One minute.”

Dad faces us, “We are going to listen to what they say. I promise we will get out of this alive. I know we are down a member but we are still a family.”

“Yeah, we are down a member. I wonder why that is, dad.” Kate accuses him.

“Kate, shut your mouth. We can talk about this later.” I hissed at her.

“Alright. Meeting over. Let’s go.” The stranger rushes us.

 Dad takes a suitcase and leaves the hotel room to the RV.

Richard stands up and claps his hand,”Our turn.”

The stranger hands another suitcase to Scott (our brother) and points his finger in his face,”No hero stuff.”

My brother huffs, grabs the bag and walks towards the door. I follow him until a hand snakes around my waist. I glance at the arm and look for its owner to see Richard staring down at me.

“We gotta play the part.” He squeezes my waist.

My eyes water and I look ahead, moving my feet that feel like dead weight. We start walking down the hallway and make it to the stairs where Scott stops.

“Do we have a problem Scott?” Richard cracks his neck.

Scott glares at him.

“It looks like you have something to say to me. Almost like a fuck you. Now, do I need to remind you I have a gun and your sister on my arm while my brother Seth has a gun pointed at your other sister?”

“No.” Scott looks away.

“Then let’s get a move on.”

We walked down the stairs and into the RV in the parking lot. We tumbled into the RV and Richard motions for us to sit in the back and after we follow his command he walks up front towards Dad and makes him move the car.

“BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!” Gunshots ring around the motel. 

I put my hands over my ears and shut my eyes. I feel arms come around me and I take my hands off my ears and squeeze the person hugging me. I hear the creak of the door of the RV open and a girlish scream. I open my eyes to see Kate falling in and Scott rushing over to help her. I hear a thump on the top of the RV.

“Step on it!” The person holding me demands.

I look up and see Richard staring down at me.

“You okay?” He softens his voice.

I nod, removing my arms from his back and rush over to Kate.

“Kate, are you okay?” I rub her arms up and down.

She shakily nods her head. I walk her over to the back of the RV where there’s a table and a wrap around seat.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I got you.” I bring her to my chest and pat her head as she cries. Scott sits in on the other side hugging her.

Richard walks over and sits in the seat in front of us with his gun pointing at us. 

“Can you move that away from us?” Scott nastily asks.

“Scott.” I whisper.

“He has a very sensitive gun that could go off any minute.”

Richard hums and lowers it a bit.

“Was it all a lie?” I ask Richard.

“No.” He states.

“So the whole act by the pool was real.”

“Yes. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“But you’ll point a gun at my family and I.”

He bangs his unaccompanied hand on the table,”Just so you won’t leave.”  

“I understand the concept of a hostage.”

He scoots in next to me and whispers,”No. So you wouldn’t leave.”

The smell of his cologne enters my nose and it smells like the embers from a fire. Our eyes connect and I get to see how blue his eyes really are. His eyes flicker down to my lips and he seems to move forward a bit.

A ruffle of a bag is towards the right of me and next thing I know Scott has a gun to Richard’s head.

“Get away from her!” Scott yells.

Richard exhales and moves back.

“Hey! Hey!” Seth comes over and points a gun at Scott.

“Scott please put the gun down.” Kate cries.

“This is such bullshit!” Scott exclaims.

“Son, put the gun down! I know how you’re feeling but you have to put the gun down and believe we are going to make it.” Dad persuades.

“Scott, don’t do this.” I pleaded with him.

While Scott deliberates on what to do, Dad slams his foot on the brakes causing Seth and Scott to fall to the ground and my head to hit the table. I hiss and hold my head.

“Angela.” Richard gently says and rubs his hand on my head.

“Ow. I don’t feel so good.” I say as black spots start to come into vision.

“Angela.” Richard repeats.

The black starts to take over my vision, "I’m just going to take a nap,” effectively passing out.

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #35

Batgirl (2000) #15 Writer: Puckett Pencills: Scott Inks: Campanella Colors: Wright

Back to Cass's solo title, this issue's a bit of an odd one here in terms of Cass's characterization. It calls into question some of the most fundamental things we know about Cass in terms of what she is and isn't capable of and why. If it weren't Puckett in the writer's chair I'd be tempted to dismiss it as just being out of character, but as is I'm compelled to take it more seriously.

Work and other hobbies have taken up most of my time this week, so I'm not going to do a whole page by page walk through the plot. As ever, if you're new to Batgirl (2000) as always I recommend reading the issue on your own first, it isn't hard to find online. If you're not new to this book, then you probably remember this one pretty clearly, but here's a quick summary so we're all up to speed.

Cass stops first a priest and then some other guy in the middle of murderous rampages like a block apart.

Neither seems to know what's going on afterwords

Cass spots a weird science guy on a nearby roof, and when she approaches him she gets blasted by some sorta beam.

Suddenly Batman's there, and he says there was no science guy, the joker drove the two killers insane. Cass and Bruce head off to confront the joker...

Who kills Batman

So Cass kills him...

... I mean, Cass breaks science guy's machine. She demands he explain what's going on, and he surrenders, saying the machine's beam hypnotizes people, makes them construct a situation in their head to justify murder, and then they act out the scenario in their head while killing random people in the real world.

Normally it takes people a while to come up with a scenario in which they'd be willing to kill, and he planned to use that time to run away, but Cass was willing to kill instantly, with the implication that the only thing holding her back is Bruce's disapproval.

....

So there's that character contradiction that I was talking about. Because Cass's no-kill policy isn't for Bruce's sake, right? That's the very core of her character. When she was a kid she killed that man, and felt so bad about it that she could never kill again, forcing her to abandon her father and her life as an assassin in training. All that is before she ever met Bruce, and when she did finally meet Bruce during No Man's Land it was Bruce's code against killing that was fracturing - he had reached a point where he thought the only way to stop Two Face was to kill him, and it was Cass who found a way to do so without anyone having to die.

Cass's guilt over killing that guy remains her core motivation. Yes, she cares way too much about Batman's approval, at this point fully substituting Bruce for the relationship she had with her father as a kid, the only other person in her life, but Bruce isn't the reason she doesn't kill... is he?

Again, under another author I'd be tempted to write this off as mischaracterization. Happens often enough in the comics world. But this is Puckett, so we can't just dismiss this, we kind of have to incorporate it into our understanding of Cass.

The obvious first thing is to place this issue alongside her general deterioration under Bruce's "care". We've seen her grow more violent, more cruel, more withdrawn from humanity, curt and dismissive even of her allies. We've already seen her go from someone Bruce could not believe had ever killed anyone to someone who nobody would be surprised to hear had killed before. It's not some huge leap to suggest that she's deteriorated further into someone teetering on the edge of killing again.

Another, slightly less dire framing is to consider a phrase that was previously used to describe Cass... I think in one of the Azrael issues? "She's got violence on a dead man's switch." Cass was first trained as an assassin. Her muscle memory is filled with killing blows. In a fight she is always holding back, expending extra energy to not use the lethal attacks that come first and easiest.

This is one thing modern Cass actually captures pretty well, with panels from her perspective often showing little circles or targets representing all the lethal attacks she could be making to convey how she is constantly holding back.

The whole point of science guy's machine in this issue is that it bypasses people's resistance to killing, and when it takes her finger off the dead man's switch, her body and training are already ready to snap into lethal action.

The final thing I'd throw onto the pile here is to take the scenario she created for herself - Bruce's death - and consider that in terms of who exactly Bruce is to her, the role he fills at this point in her life. Again, she has fully regressed into her childhood lifestyle, constant training and violence, complete withdrawal from humanity with the sole exception of one man who is simultaneously her teacher and her father and, to the extent that he's training her to follow and surpass him, her future. Bruce has a life outside Cass, other allies, other friends, or at least peers. The whole Bruce Wayne persona. But for Cass? Bruce is her entire world, and without him her entire world falls apart.

More than that, consider the context of sin and penance. Cass enjoys being Batgirl, but at the same time being Batgirl is an act of contrition for murder. She's spent half her life to this point thinking of herself as indelibly stained by that sin. Only in becoming Batgirl has she felt any hope of atonement. By saving lives, and, unspoken but always implied, by sacrificing her own life to do so, she hopes to finally make up for what she's done and free herself from the guilt that has tortured her every day since she was eight years old.

She needs Bruce's approval to be Batgirl. To have permission to wear his symbol. To tell her she's doing it right. To tell her, at the utmost end, that she did good, that her penance was enough, that she earned the peace she longs for. Without Batman, Cass isn't Batgirl. And without Batgirl Cass might as well just give up, because she will only ever be

a murderer.

..........

On a lighter note, I wanted to call out some cool sequences or panels, since I didn't do the closer reading where I would have done so already.

This two page action sequence where the second guy affected by the machine pulls throws a grenade (where'd he even get that?), and Cass catches it out of the air, launches it with her grapple gun, and beats the guy up with a whole series of attacks before the grenade explodes harmlessly in the background is pretty cool.

I love the way Scott draws evil science guy's face in the panel.

The comic ends on this sombre moment of Cass trying to work out what all this says about her, about how much she's come to rely on Bruce, her expressions drawn through her mask, Batman just as a looming shadow, Cass asking him to be careful - not for his own sake but for hers. It's just a really amazing moment.