#like what if he. was the size. of a teeny tiny spider

[anachronistic-falsehood]

this is the same image. to me

OMG. HE'S SO FUCKING ITTY BITTY. MICROSCOPIC. spot the difference. IMPOSSIBLE!!! the autism eyes...... thats a little shrimp boy right there!!!!!

[sleepyfan-blog]

Aranea posuere ultricies

Author’s note: this fic has been inspired by @cosmic-cryptid-from-beyond ‘s pocket titus sketches! Please check out her art! Thank you for letting me write this

Warnings: spiders, spider-killing, please ask me to tag if something bothers you/I missed it

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel @i-am-a-dragon34 @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @bleedingichorhearts

Tagged: @felinisnoctis

Summary: You acquire a small but fierce protector

You were fumbling with the keys to your front door, holding them in hand as you try to unlock your front door. As you attempt to put the key inside the lock, a large black spider slides down a hair-thin spider silk thread, nearly landing in your face.

You let out a startled shriek of surprise, stumbling backwards as fear and panic grip you. Your heart hammering in the back of your throat and adrenaline causing your body to tremble and freeze as you try to figure out what to do.

The black spider twists on the thin string of spider silk, revealing a bright red hourglass marking on it's abdomen.

More anxiety fills you as you clock that this is a venomous spider - one that could make you quite ill, if it bit you.

The best thing to do would be to somehow non-lethally move this Black Widow away from your door and place it somewhere in your garden... But you have no way of doing so without having to get into your home first...

Which would mean dodging the spider still dangling at eye level. You swallow dryly, still struggling to figure out what to do (and a small part of you feeling very silly about your panic) but you didn't want the spider to potentially crawl onto you, if you tried to dodge around it in order to get into your home.

Before you could make a decision, you felt a pair of tiny but heavy pair of feet land on one of your shoulders before the unexpected weight left you just as quickly.

A tiny Astartes yelled out what he clearly thought was a fierce battle cry "COURAGE AND HONOR!" as he swung a teeny-tiny hammer at the abdomen of the black widow that had been menacing you.

The blow struck true and spider guts splattered over several square inches of your front door.

You unfroze in time to carefully catch the little blue and gold colored tiny Astartes before he fell the rest of the way to the ground - or left a dent in your front door. "Thank you, my lord, for rescuing me." You murmur, having heard from co-workers and online posts how to best appease these tiny but fierce warriors.

The Astartes squeaks and wriggles in your hands in surprise "unhand me, mortal! I must continue my duties."

"As you wish. I was concerned about the fall relative to your size. Would you like something to eat in thanks for rescuing me?" You ask, carefully setting the tiny warrior down on the ground.

He stares up at you through his helmet for several seconds before answering "... Food would be most welcome... And I have fallen further than this. Your concern is..." he hesitates for a couple of moments before continuing "Welcome but unnecessary. Food would be gratefully accepted. I have not eaten in some time."

You nod, unlocking and opening your front door "After you." You murmur, not wanting to accidentally step on him "Unless you'd grant me the honor of carrying you to the kitchen?"

The small marine looked at your entryway, tensing as your cat - a loveable and very chatty coal black cat came trotting up to where you and he were standing with his usually creaky "Mreau!"

"I would like to be carried. Ideally on one of your shoulders, or in a hand or a chest pocket." The tiny marine declares, his helmet still pointed in your cat's direction.

Dixie sniffed curiously at the Astartes, the tip of his tail flicking back and forth.

You bend down and place one hand next to the marine so that he could climb up at his own pace. You reach out with your other hand to pet Dixie "Easy there, Dix. No mischief with our guest." And now you realize that you had yet to ask for the Astartes' name... Or give your own. "Would you like to share your name with me?" You give him your name "I apologize for not introducing myself earlier." You add.

"... I am Lieutenant Demetrian Titus of the Ultramarines Second Company." Titus answers after a few moments of hesitation. He removes his helmet, revealing a weathered and scarred but kind (and handsome) face with soulful greenish-blue eyes and short brown hair that frame his face. He climbs up onto your hand.

You set him on one of your shoulders and quickly move through your home to your kitchen. You set the lieutenant down on your kitchen counter before starting to rummage through the fridge, asking "Is there anything in particular you'd like? I have some left-over taco stuff, pasta with spaghetti, sandwich fixings... I also have some Ice cream and cookies, if you prefer something sweeter."

"I am unfamiliar with those food items. Astartes can eat nearly anything..." The little being answered, shifting a little as he answered "But I have been traveling for some time, and a hot meal would be a welcome indulgence."

You nod and grab two bowls as you're hungry too. You make sure that the bowl for the lieutenant is shallower so that he can better reach inside of it. A quick couple of minutes in the microwave and both bowls of food are steaming hot.

Titus ate quickly shoving handfuls of pasta and sauce into his mouth with his armored gauntlets "This is delicious, thank you."

You hum and smile "I'm glad you like it. Would you like some water to wash it down? I'm about to get myself some water, anyways."

"Water would be helpful. I need to clean my armor, as well as drink." Titus answers, before focusing once again on the food.

~

Weeks had passed and Titus, while he regularly wandered off, had become a regular member of your household.

Currently you were holding him in one hand, having helped the Astartes reach one of the insects encroaching on your property.

He looked so adorably pleased with himself you couldn't help it. You pressed a kiss to his forehead, murmuring "Thank you, for saving me from these awful bugs, Demetrian. Your swift movements and firm strikes slew the enemy handily."

Demetrian blushed, tucking his chin to his armored chest as he hands came up, flailing a little "I... I am merely doing my duty..."

"And you do it well, my lovely Angel." You earnestly compliment.

The Astartes blushes more and looks away from your face at your words, clearly struggling to regain his composure.

You chuckle softly and kiss the top of his head, murmuring "Too much praise, my knight-savior?"

"Yes... But... I... I crave it as well. I must... I must atone for this sin." Titus mumbled, still not looking up at you.

"... It's not a sin to enjoy the praise you get, Demetrian." You point out gently.

The tiny Ultramarine in your hand huffs a little before settling into your hand, mumbling in a language that you do not know, still blushing.

[baby--b4t]

hey pookster i’m just leaving this here because I know you’d do justice if you ever made it into a minific :3

kaveh absolutely LOVES horror/creepy things, especially when regressed, but alhaitham can’t do it. like CANNOT.

sincerely, 🐠fishie anon :3

OH MY GODS ANON YOURE SAVING MY WRITERS BLOCK RN (º̩̩́⌣º̩̩̀ʃƪ) im gonna try and write a quick minific in hopes that itll make me wanna post more and work on my bots. ALSO TY FOR THINKING SO HIGHLY OF ME- i feel like my writing is mid but ill try my best for this silly idea (its super late as of replying to this so sorry if its a bit jumbled or doesnt make sense-)

(fic under cut)

Kaveh was supposed to be in bed hours ago. 5 hours and 38 minutes, to be persice. Alhaitham had been counting. He did everything he though would work to get Kaveh to finally lay down, close his eyes, and rest, but nothing was working. Warm bottle, bedtime stories (he had read 7 different stories at this point), and even trying different stuffed animals and pajamas. Nothing. Alhaitham was exhausted.

“Hayi? Do da tree birdies sleep? Wha’ about… Oh! Wha’ about da creepy crawlies in da kitchen?” Kaveh had been asking nonsense questions like these all night, part of the reason he was still awake at nearly 4 in the morning.

“I dont know, Kaveh. What I do know-… Wait, whats in the kitchen?” Alhaitham began to answer before he registered what kaveh had said. He sat up in the bed a little bit and looked down at Kaveh. “What did you just say is in the kitchen?”

“Da creepy crawlies!” Kaveh excitedly exclaimed, a wide smile forming behind his pacifier. “Dey have 6 leg, 3 eye- BIG eyes, and are really teeny tiny. Dey walk around in da dark and eat da bread! Dats why it has all da holes.” Kaveh started giggling, his tiredness clearly showing in his speech.

Alhaitham felt puzzeled. More than when he was trying to figure out why Kaveh wasnt sleeping yet. But what was getting to him the most was the though of some spider-like creatures crawling around in his food while he didnt look. He shuddered, the thought of bugs in general making him feel gross. He rubbed up and down his arms for a moment, trying to get rid of his goosebumps, before pressing further into this. Surely it was Kaveh just being silly… Right?

“How do you know this? Who told you about these… ‘Creepy crawlers’?” Alhaitham asked as he tried to fight the tiredness in his mind. This whole talk took a turn that was not helping his already fatigued state of mind.

“Dey told me! I got mad ‘cause my sandwich had holes, and I asked and dey told me.” Kaveh explained trough slurred giggles and mumbles. “Dey very small, so is easy to make holes. I scolded dem like you always do for da holes…” The more Kaveh explained, the more Alhaitham imagined a ton of ant-sized abominations crawling around their pantry. He shook his head and tried not to gag.

“Kaveh, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the ‘creepy crawlers’ arent real. You probably dreamt about them at some point.” Alhaitham tried to explain to Kaveh, but Kaveh didnt seem to want to believe it.

“What?!” He sat up in the bed with Alhaitham, jaw dropping and his pacifier almost falling out. “But.. But dat were so cute-“ He felt himself tearing up over the fact that the little creatures he thought were so adorable werent actually real. Alhaitham sighed, realizing that now he had to deal with a meltdown.

“How about you go to sleep so you can dream about them? Does that sound like a good idea?” He suggested as he tried to coax Kaveh into laying down again. The poor baby was so tired at this point he didnt realize that Alhaitham was moving him. It did seem to stop his oncoming waterworks, however.

Kaveh gave a small nod and snuggled back up with Alhaitham. It seemed like as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was in a deep sleep. That baffled Alhaitham. How in the world would Kaveh be so willing to dream about thousands- No, millions of little spiders in his food? If Alhaitham saw them, he would already have a match in hand to burn the house down.

However, Kavehs great big imagination never failed to impress Alhaitham. He just seemed to show it so much more whenever he regressed. A soft sigh came from Alhaitham, just accepting it. His little Kaveh would just have that sort of creepy imagination and he couldnt stop it… But he would still be checking the entire house for bugs when they woke up. No ‘creepy crawlers’ get to live rent free.

[tri-poke]

Zach can feel the little weird twitch of perception going the other way as if there is a pre-echo in his own head speaking the words just before they yell out of his mouth.

And there's the odd return sensation, like that feeling on the back of the neck that someone is looking at you when you can't know but you do anyway.

There's another twinge, like a great plucked string, the biggest, deepest geetar anyone ever made, so deep that it can't be heard, just felt like all them unseen eyes on the hairs at the back of the neck.

The flood of teeny spiders freezes. And even looking at them, they might as well be invisible, they look so much like the landscape with their coloring. It's like some old fairy tale where a witch brings the stones to life but then the spell gets broken and they're just stones again. If their eyes didn't shift to look at him when his mind gets them to waver into perception for a moment, he might even believe that is what happened.

The voice says more clearly now, even though it is definitely not a sound, just that same twitchy feeling in Zach's brain, You are open. Interesting. I didn't think humans could be open.

The clarity finally gives Zach a direction and looking, up from a crag in the cliff face, at least 25 feet up, the biggest spider that Zach has ever dreamed in a nightmare, let alone seen, clambers out of the shadows.

The damn thing is the size of a big Massospondylus but gives a bigger impression because of all the legs.

It's legs are as big as Zach's legs but they brush softly as it emerges, like nothing more than the static cling of his shirt to his pants after too vigorous a wash and dry keeps the huge thing stuck to the nearly vertical stone.

Worse, all eight of its eyes are locked on Zach, and the smallest of those are as big as Zach's face.

Worst, out of the corner of his eye, Zach can see Gale looking every which way, still looking for danger, and clearly not seeing the big damn spider over head or the teeny watchful rocks. And while Cookie is looking like she might have noticed the tiny spiders, she sure ain't looking remotely in the right direction to see the big'un.

From above the spider says in that not sound that Zach can feel, The problem, human, is that we also need the... rex. It's an odd feeling on the last word, like a big yawning stretch, as if the spider has never said such a word before and it isn't accustomed to the shape of it. It is a pet of yours? This... rex - food that we eat. Do you not eat? I must feed my young and my people. Many are they. And always hungry.

[rockingrobin69]

Real by moonlight

“Daddy?”

But it was Harry who woke up; Harry who was always half-awake anyway, Harry who could hear the little pitter patter all across the hallway. Harry who will have to deal with this, now.

“Erm… your dad is in the next room. He doesn’t sleep here.” Ever since they came to live in Grimmauld, Draco simply refused. He’d slip out of Harry’s bed every night, kissing his fingertips away, shaking his head with that pout Harry’s grown to adore. We can’t, he’d say, and Harry would relent. Harry, who understood what it meant to Draco, having Scorpius to look after. Harry who would do anything in his power to stop Draco from looking so sad. Harry whose heart broke in two every single night, when he couldn’t.

Scorpius shook his head. “No one’s there.”

“Oh. Maybe he went for a glass of water or something. Is—are you okay?”

“I…” he was so small in the doorway, red pyjamas and hair all mussed. It tugged something in Harry’s chest. “Never mind.”

He had no idea what to do; Scorpius would never come to him for help. But he was here, and he was alone, and he seemed scared. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“No,” Scorpius looked down.

“Do you want to… talk about it?”

“No,” Scorpius said again. But he didn’t leave.

“Right. That’s… right. I, uh, I like your pyjamas.”

Harry could do nothing but twiddle his thumbs for the long, tense pause. “They’re fire trucks. Muggles use them to put out fires.”

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat twice. “They’re cool. It’s—I, er, don’t really like fire.”

“Daddy doesn’t, either,” Scorpius’s head came up.

“I know. We talked about that a little. A lot.”

“I’ll be a firefighter when I’m older.” His voice was a touch louder as he took a step into the room. “I’ll have a truck, and a hose, and a helmet and everything.”

“That’s a good plan,” Harry found he was smiling, despite himself. “What does your dad say about that?”

“He says I’m braver than him.” The little face crumpled again, and Harry realised he will do whatever he can to stop it from happening. Not a Malfoy he won’t try to save, apparently. No, it was worse than that, because he knew how he felt about Draco for a while, but now he understood he loved them both.

“Your dad is brave. Remember how he faced that huge spider tonight? Whew. Very impressive. I’d say he’s practically a firefighter.”

Scorpius didn’t quite laugh, but he made a tiny, rippling sort of sound. “Daddy doesn’t like killing spiders. He always used to take them outside, before, in our old room.”

Harry hated thinking about the teeny, dark, mouldy flat where Draco and Scorpius lived. “He’s very kind. And so good with animals, now. Big and small.”

“Daddy said we’ll have a dog one day,” Scorpius smiled, came a bit further inside. “When we live in a big house, like this one. But, ours.”

That thing that twinged before in Harry’s chest convulsed, worse than ever. How badly he wanted Grimmauld to be theirs, too.

“A dog sounds nice. I’ve always wanted one.”

“We’ll have a big dog, like Uncle Greg’s. And I’ll train him not to bark, so the neighbours aren’t mad at us, and he’ll have a collar with our phone number so if he gets lost, he can always come back. Because Daddy doesn’t like it when things are lost.”

You’re not lost, Harry wanted to say. Scorpius was nearly touching the bed now, he came so close. “Maybe I should get a dog. You could help me train it, if you wanted.”

“Really?” Scorpius had grey eyes, like Draco’s, open wide. Harry’s heart went five times its normal size.

“Yeah, really. If—"

“What are you doing here, mon chou?” A soft voice startled Harry almost out of his skin. Draco was there, leaning against the doorway. “I thought I heard a little cabbage squeaking about. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“I had a… Harry says we’ll get him a dog,” Scorpius ran right into his open arms. Harry only felt a touch jealous.

“Really?” Draco grinned. “That’s new.”

“I just thought… you know I want you to stay here,” Harry pleaded. “And I always wanted a dog. So why not get one now, if it makes Scorp happy… if it makes… I just want you to be happy. Both of you.”

“That’s—” Draco bit his lip, sighed. “Come, Scorp, let’s get you back to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“Daddy?” Scorpius looked between him and Harry, hesitant. “You can sleep here tonight, if you want. I don’t mind.”

Harry could hear the lump in his own throat in Draco’s voice. “You… know? About us?”

Scorpius shrugged. “So the dog—we’ll really talk about it tomorrow?”

“Yes, darling,” Draco laughed. “All right. Say good night to Harry.”

“Good night, Harry. Maybe you can get an Old English Sheep, like uncle Greg’s?”

“Now, menace, off we go. Night, Harry. I’ll… see you soon.”

Draco smiled nervously, leaving Harry alone in the bedroom. Harry, whose heart was so full, he could float. The things he wanted, but didn’t dare dream of—firetrucks and fluffy dogs and smiling grey eyes—everything felt close enough to touch. For now, only real by moonlight, but tomorrow… maybe tomorrow, too.

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

Teeny tiny blurb of the munson family where Eddie is stressed about a big test coming up cause he’s trying to pass, and then he passes with an A, and comes home all excited, Wayne gives him a Munson HugTM and hangs the graded paper on the fridge 🫶

THANK YOU FOR THE MUNSON FAMILY PROMPT😭😭😭I've been thinking of the two of them aaaaaaaall day and my heart is aching. This is so perfect & I hope you enjoy it!!!💗💗💗

TW; Eddie baby speaks meanly to himself (the same way I do when I'm studying lmaooooo this is a fic in which I am Eddie and Eddie is me💔), Eddie also pulls his own hair in frustration (I don't do this) & bangs his head on his desk for the same reasons (I do this lmao) Uncle Wayne is a sweetheart, there's probably swearing, some canonical implied angst (Eddie's academic performance), mostly fluff! Uncle Wayne also knows Steve, Nancy, Dustin, etc., and refers to them all as 'his kids' (but Eddie is his boy and no one else has that title).

NOT AN X READER FIC! THIS IS UNCLE WAYNE AND EDDIE!!!

eddie & wayne @hellfirebabe @eddiemunsonshoney @potatos-library @bakerstreethound @gemstone-roses @sweetpeapod @authorlovers @jslittlebirdie @heydreamchild @comfortcharactercraze @mywinterivy @corrodedcoffeen @ourstaturestouchtheskies @m00nlight101 @3ddi3-daydreamer @pleasantlycrazyworld @samlealea @manyfandomsfanvergent @indouloureux @basicallybats @niceboyeds @becca-alexa

Word count: 1, 867.

Uncle Wayne came home from the plant to find Eddie hunched over the kitchen counter, the lone stool jiggling with every bounce of Eddie's knee.

He stood there, stopped and stared, at his nephew. It wasn't unusual for Eddie to be this focused on a, what was it his boy called it? A campaign? Yeah, that sounded about right. A campaign. But seeing him focused on school work? That was definitely out of the ordinary and he couldn't help but to stop and to stare. Pride, confusion, rose and fell in his chest, but above all, he felt love for his dangerous looking boy (he was a marshmallow, really, not a mean bone in his body). There were papers and folders strewn everywhere. Even if Uncle Wayne already knew that the folders weren't Eddie's, the bright colours of the covers would have given it away, as would the name Nancy Wheeler emblazoned across the spine. It only made what Eddie was doing look all the more unusual; Uncle Wayne never would have paired lavender with black, but Eddie owned it just as he did everything else which came his way, for worse or the worst.

There was another thick textbook crowding Eddie's space, with Harrington, S written along the spine. A similar word spacing to Nancy's but they had different handwriting sizes. Nancy's was small, neat and perfectly aligned, whereas Steve's looked like a spider had been dipped in ink and then ran across the page. Steve wrote neatly when he wanted to - Uncle Wayne had seen it last month in Dustin's birthday card - but clearly, this time, he hadn't wanted to. Uncle Wayne didn't know much about Steve's home life, which said more than Steve himself ever could; sometimes, silence was someone's loudest scream. Uncle Wayne had also noted several months ago that Steve wrote in his friends' cards neatly but scrawled carelessly his own name, and he felt something bitter brewing in his chest. He knew what that meant. He knew.

If people didn't stop fucking around with his kids, Uncle Wayne was really gonna lose his shit. He barely held onto it on his good days.

Surrounded by his friends' academic materials, very kindly lent to a desperate super senior, was Eddie, his slender fingers burrowed deep in his dark curls as he muttered dates and names to himself. His ink stained fingers continued to scrawl furiously, his hands almost blurry with how fast he was taking notes.

Uncle Wayne almost said, 'who lit a fire under your ass, boy?' but he didn't want to disturb The Zone. Eddie followed his thought trains everywhere, it was why his D&D campaigns were always so much fun and so successful with the rest of the Hellfire Club, but one slight distraction would completely derail his journey and never again would he be able to board the same train. As such, when Eddie focused just like this, Uncle Wayne kept well out of the way out of respect.

Instead, Uncle Wayne simply moved through the trailer as if Eddie wasn't there, fixing himself some dinner, having a shower, getting the pull out bed ready, all the while ignoring the stressed out boy camped out at the kitchen counter. He was prepared to sleep in the same room as Eddie, too, content to let his boy work. He would sleep when he was tired, he would wake up when he wasn't. He would do his own thing and Uncle Wayne would let him, being silently supportive all the while.

Or, that was the plan until Eddie's mutterings grew just a little louder. At the same time, he threw his pen down and banged his head on the desk lightly. "This is so stupid, stupid! I'm never gonna fucking - " Eddie's hands threaded into his hair and he pulled harshly, letting his head come up from the table before he slammed it down again, this time harder than last time.

Uncle Wayne had had enough.

In seconds, he was up and out of his chair, and he strode across the trailer to get to his boy. One palm slid clumsily between Eddie's reddened forehead and the table. "Hey, hey! You be careful, son. There's precious cargo in there, y'hear?" The first two sentences were harsh, unabiding. The question was soft, comforting. Knowing. Uncle Wayne used his grip on Eddie's forehead to push his head up off the table surface, and then, with his hand still cradling Eddie's forehead, as if his touch could soothe the cruelty of the wood (self-inflicted such as it was), he ducked to Eddie's side so that tearful chocolate brown and tender blue could meet.

"I just wanna pass, dad," Eddie mumbled, leaning forward into Uncle Wayne's touch, his eyes closing as the sheer level of stress he was under fully hit him. "But I'm pretty fuckin' far from it... I was so close to making '86 my year." Eddie exhaled roughly and shook his head, his dark curls lightly brushing the top of his shoulders. "Guess I'm just gonna have to be the family disappointment for the third year in a row."

Uncle Wayne sighed. It wasn't unkind, more... world weary. He had heard all of this before, seen Eddie try time and time and time again, and he wanted his boy to pass finally. He wanted to see Eddie thrive, blossom into himself more and more, just as he had been taught by the elder Munson. "I know you, Eddie, and I know you're doin' better than you think.” He thought on how best to help him, to motivate Eddie into maintaining his pace, and caught sight of the subject he was studying: history. And all of a sudden, Uncle Wayne knew exactly what to say. His mind moved so quickly that there was barely a pause between one sentence and the next, fast thinkers were the Munsons, “And believe you me, if you treat this like one'a those campaigns, you'll do just fine."

Eddie froze for just a second, those chocolate eyes pouring into his Uncle’s, and then it was like someone had turned the gas up under his arse, because Eddie sat up straighter, gripped his pen the same way he cuddled his pillows at night - tight - and began scrawling again, practically ignoring his Uncle. There was no verbal thank you but Uncle Wayne wasn’t offended; he knew his boy. His hand squeezed Eddie’s shoulder and as his boy pressed back into the touch, he heard the thank you Eddie was too busy to speak.

You’re welcome, kid was what the second tighter squeeze of Uncle Wayne’s hand said, and just like that, the moment had passed, and the seed of hope he had planted within Eddie’s mind began to grow.

It didn’t take long for that seed to become a flower, and, oh, how it flourished under Uncle Wayne’s careful, constant guidance.

Three days later, Eddie crashed through the door to the trailer, all chains and dark clothing and hair flying about his face and shoulders like dark lightning. He was emitting high pitched shrieks, woops and hollers, his teeth gritted in excitement as he ran up to Uncle Wayne and shook a thick sheath of paper in his face.

Eddie hadn’t even shut the trailer door, kicked off his shoes or shrugged his backpack off.

He only had eyes for his dad.

“Whoa, whoa,” Uncle Wayne didn’t step back, didn’t tell Eddie to be quiet, didn’t try to tell him to behave in a more ‘acceptable’ way, he just took his son as he found him. He loved Eddie, so much. “What’s got you so excited?”

Eddie shook the paper emphatically at his Uncle again, no longer forming words, just practically vibrating where he stood in his excitement.

Uncle Wayne smiled at Eddie, he smiled, as he took the sheath of paper from him. It was terribly unusual for Eddie to come home from school like this (unless he had just come back from Hellfire, but it was Wednesday today so that wasn’t the cause of his boy’s happiness). Normally, Eddie came home from school wound up tight, or shaking, or sullen and upset. But this was pure unadulterated pride and joy.

He cast his eyes down the page, a smile as wide as Eddie’s spreading on his face as he read every single comment the teacher had written, all the ticks and the comment such as ‘nice detail’, and he kept flipping through the paper until he reached the very end of Eddie’s concluding paragraph, and saw the bright red ‘A’ scrawled underneath Eddie’s small but thorough reference list.

Eddie’s excitement had dulled somewhat during the few minutes Uncle Wayne had been reading through his paper, and he gnawed anxiously on his bottom lip as he waited for something, anything, from the elder Munson. He wasn’t kept waiting long, and he wasn’t disappointed, either, because Uncle Wayne slowly, carefully, put the paper down on the kitchen counter, gave Eddie a weighted glance which told Eddie that he needed a moment to find his words, and then swept him up in his arms without hesitation. The hug would speak for the two of them. There was a hand in Eddie’s dark curls, and then it was on his shoulder, and then it was in his hair again, fingers scratching at the scalp, smoothing down the curls, and there was an arm around his waist, and then a hand rubbing up and down his back and then there was the scratch of facial hair against his temple as Uncle Wayne dropped a kiss to the crown of Eddie’s head.

The first kiss was what broke Eddie.

With a wet giggle, Eddie sagged into the hug and Uncle Wayne shifted his weight to accommodate his nephew and held him even tighter. “M’so proud of you, son. Knew you could do it. Never doubted for a second. The world’ll tell you that you can’t, believe you me, but I know you can. If no one else, Eddie, you always got me in your corner.” He kissed the top of Eddie’s head again and this time, Eddie let himself cry and he let himself be held, and he even let himself hold his dad as tightly as he wanted to.

“Thanks, dad. Couldn't do it without you."

Yeah, you could. I see you do it every day. Uncle Wayne pressed yet another kiss against the top of Eddie’s head before he leaned down and burrowed his face in Eddie’s dark curls. They stood there for so long that neither of them were sure exactly how long they’d been hugging for, but who cared? When, at last, Eddie pulled away with a suspicious swipe across his cheeks (Uncle Wayne said nothing about the wet patch on the blue shirt underneath his flannel), Uncle Wayne grabbed the paper and immediately used a magnet to attach it to the fridge. It would be eye level with Eddie whenever he went in there for a beer or leftover pizza.

It would be there to remind him that he could do it, every moment of every day, just as Uncle Wayne would be.

[konata-izumi-kinny-writes]

NEW OC ALERT

Meet Ditza, the tiny alien :D

Information under the cut

Personality ���

Ditza is a very gentle and loving lil Squisha, she cares for those around her and tries her best to help out despite her teeny stature. She is also very snuggly and warm. She also wants to protect those she loves.

Yes Ditza is gentle, but saying 'She wouldn't hurt a fly' is kinda a lie... she eats spiders and other bugs that dare cross her path.

Don't make her angry. Not for your sake but for hers. If shes angry enough she'll try to attack you.. but she won't do any damage, it just feels like someone is semi-roughly tapping you with two fingers. Just please make sure she doesn't hurt herself.

Ditza mostly speaks Japanese for that's where she planned to land, but her sense of direction is a bit off so she ended up in america instead.

Appearance 👾

Ditza in a way resembles the stereotypical image of aliens humans came up with, but there are different aspects about her.

For one, there's her size and figure, rather than large and skinny, she stands at about 5 inches tall and has an extremely chubby figure. She also has short fur covering her being, it being the longest at the ends of her stubby antennae.

Her eyes are large and purple, having no pupils, but multiple highlights and some lashes.

Hobbies and likes 👾

Ditza loves to watch Invader Zim, her favorite characters are Dib and Gaz.

She enjoys music and often finds herself singing along to Kikuo, Mafumafu, Hachi, and Insane Clown Posse

She loves big dogs, to be more specific, her human friend's Pitbull Boxer mix. He's very gentle with her and they love to play together.

She enjoys human treats like Caramel corn, Girlscout cookies, and those mini donut bags you get at gas stations.

She likes to draw on stickynotes, preferably white ones so the colors are accurate.

Backstory👾

Ditza, as kind as she is, was alone on her home planet. Nobody liked her and they bullied and ridiculed her for her small stature and extra chub. They were absolute jerks to her. :(

One day she decided to go somewhere else and start anew, and hopefully make some friends. So Ditza got into her ship and blasted off into space, a few hours later she came across earth.

She stayed in orbit and did research on the cultures and landscapes. She then chose Japan as her landing destination. After that, she studied the Japanese language and learned to speak it. After 2 years, she was ready to land!

Ditza didn't realize her map was upside down as she read it, and accidentally landed in america instead where she met her human friend, Eruka.

Eruka is a famous VTuber and artist, shes also a huge flippin weeb.

Eruka was confused at first when Ditza introduced herself, but when she recognized the language as Japanese (Eruka knows Japanese because she wanted to sing Vocaloid songs, so she learned it), she put the peices together and quickly made friends with Ditza.

Unfortunately though, the american government and its unhealthy obsession with capturing and dissecting aliens, tracked the signal of Ditza's ship and knew that she was with Eruka.

After the two of them found out the government was after them, Eruka sold her house and furniture (except for her plushies, merch, and figures) and bought an RV.

After loading her dog, Míké, and the rest of what they needed, they headed to the bank where Eruka extracted all of her savings and deleted her account. After of which she put it all in a safe under her bed.

They were then (kinda) off the grid besides from Eruka's phone which she used to keep in touch with her family. Now not only was Ditza safe, She and Eruka can now travel and see the world together! And so they do, Eruka being able to travel, sell her art, and interact with her fans, and Ditza being able to live a happy life with her best friends.

Trivia and Facts 👾

Ditza will cry if she learns about sad historic events and disasters.

Ditza's tears are gelatinous and acidic to non-living things.

Eruka is a big weeb and loves watching anime and cartoons with Ditza. If there's anime she will NEVER watch with Ditza though, its Foodwars, and Highschool DXD.. or anything CLOSE to hentai. (PROTECT THE ALIEN SCRINKLE)

Ditza learned how to sew and likes to make little dresses for herself out of cozy fabrics she finds at Walmart, she also makes hairties for Eruka and collars for Míké.

Eruka's dog is named after Killua Zoldyk's dog from 'Hunter x Hunter'.

Míké is very gentle with Ditza and treats her very gently, even when he plays with her.

Eruka is of scottish descent and is a big fan of putting her hair up in the traditional braided hairstyles. Not box braids though, she knows not to cross that line. And that's out of actual respect, not just a fear of getting cancelled on the internet.

Ditza's favorite Kikuo song is 'Knife Knife Knife', lil squisha loves the melody and sound.

Speaking of Kikuo, yall know how he makes Miku sound high pitched and it gives this kinda cute but eerie vibe? Thats basically Ditza's voice. Like for real, she sounds exactly like that. Not normal Miku, high pitched Miku.

Ditza rolls. Just curls up in a ball and rolls around. She accidentally did a somersault one day and she liked it so she did it again and again and again, and boom! She learned how to roll. Shes not fast though lol.

Míké gently uses Ditza as a squeaky toy. She laughs SO hard. Its like when you play towel peekaboo with a baby.

Ditza floats in water and loves swimming.

Eruka, while on the road in the RV, at one point stopped by a pet store and bought a beta fish. Its name is Seili, its still alive and well despite the turbulence of the roads.

Speaking of turbulence, Ditza loves big hills and roads full of potholes. She finds the bumps and altitude changes fun.

Thanks for Reading!

Hope yall like her!!👾💚

[trentaafcsblog]

Take Your Daddy To School Day

Trent Alexander-Arnold

This is my entry for the lovely @footballffbarbiex’s writing challenge 🤍 thank you so much for letting me take part, I hope you all enjoy it and please go and have a look if it’s something that you might be interested in - there’s some lovely prompts still to choose from x

It’s been a good what...seventeen, maybe eighteen, years since Trent was sat on the yellow table in the Hedgehogs Class? The classroom still has exactly the same name and layout as it did when he was there all those years ago. The same blue felt tip stain on the bottom of one of the walls from where the boy in the year above ‘accidentally’ wrote his name in his four-year-old squiggly handwriting, and the water tray still being full of the same plastic dinosaurs that he used to chase his friends with when it was time for creative play. The name pegs by the front windows are still where they used to be too. Teeny tiny wooden hedgehogs glued above the multicoloured hooks, a white label stuck beneath them with all of the children’s names on. And obviously your little girl’s coat and bag hang on the first peg, just like Trent’s used to, because they’re ordered alphabetically, a wave of nostalgia hitting him because he used to love hanging his belongings there as it meant he was the first to leave at the end of the day - and it just so happens that your little girl has also picked up on her daddy’s habits when it comes to wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Put your knees under the table, daddy” she’s tutting as T does everything he can to squash them under the yellow-topped desk without accidentally flipping it and sending the pot of scissors, glue sticks and blunt pencils across the room. His cheeks turning a dark shade of pink when your little girl’s teacher spots him shuffling around awkwardly and trying to disguise the fact that he’s in absolute agony, only intensifying when your daughter insists on pointing out daddy’s ‘raspberry face’ to the little boy sat on the table behind. But eventually he’s managing to do it, although the little plastic chair he’s sat on is now threatening to collapse, the metal legs bowing slightly each time he leans more to one side to help your little girl with her work or has to turn around when one of the children gasps and points before not so quietly whispering ‘that’s the man that kicks a football’.

“Daddy, you can do this one” she’s announcing as they plough their way through the worksheet they’ve been given to complete by lunchtime. “But I’ve just done all of these ones” he’s giggling as he points to the group of maths questions he’s just answered because he knows your little girl struggles with her numbers and he’s too soft to let her sit and find the answer on her own. “But you’re cleverer than me” she smiles, hoping that her compliment persuades Trent to write the answer down, not that he needs any sort of persuasion because he’s already scribbling down the answer, but she’s already picked up on the fact that if you’re nice to people, they’ll be nice to you - something she definitely uses to her advantage. 

They’re both managing to finish the work before the bell rings for lunch, a miracle really since they've been interrupted every two minutes by one of other dads having a fangirl moment or one of the mums trying their best to impress Trent with their very limited football knowledge, obviously hoping that he’s blown away by it and runs off into the sunset with them. But regardless, they’re getting it done in time and heading off to the lunch hall together hand in hand. Trent carrying both of their lunch boxes and politely waving to the screaming children in the classrooms they walk past, your little girl still too innocent to understand why daddy attracts so much attention, hence the string of ‘why are they shouting at yous?’ as they make their way into the dining hall.

They’re sitting opposite each other on one of the collapsible tables with little blue seats. The smell of whatever unappetising it is being served for lunch filling their noses and making Trent feel quite sick, acting as a reminder as to why he refused to eat school dinners and instead stuck to his cream cheese sandwiches that were wrapped up in his Spider-Man lunch box. “Cheers” your little girl’s giggling as she smashes her jam sandwich against Trent’s tuna one, both of them cut into tiny little squares which T had begged you not to do, but it’s not really a ‘take your dad to school day’ if he doesn’t eat the same as the children, is it? Which is exactly why the Liverpool shirt shaped lunch box he picked up from the club shop on the way home from training the other night is full of a packet of Mini Cheddars, a strawberry Frube yoghurt (even though he tried to pretend that he didn’t like them), two tangerines to try and balance out the sugar in the Mr Kipling angel cake, and a Capri Sun which he has no shame in admitting that he absolutely loves. 

Their twenty minute playtime afterwards is consisting of Trent taking on the rest of the school in a football match, but obviously it’s not cool to be seen playing football with your dad in front of all of your friends, hence why your little girl is deciding to engage in a very in-depth discussion about last night’s episode of Peppa Pig instead, occasionally turning around to see if T’s still winning, which obviously he is, despite having about a hundred children slide tackling into him and pulling his shirt. “Are you not proud of me?” he’s saying jokingly as he makes his way off the pitch and over to your baby girl who’s pretending that she can’t see Trent leaping around in front of all of her friends, all because he beat a bunch of five year olds at his own job. “Daddy, stop!” she’s giggling, grateful for the few curls around the edge of her face that mask her blushing cheeks because seeing your daddy show everyone up is one thing, but now having him flexing about it is another. 

They’re making their way back to the Hedgehogs Class when the bell rings to signal the end of lunchtime. A few parents leaping in front of the two of them on the way to congratulate Trent on his most recent performances and awards, causing even more confusion for your little girl because since when has the whole world known about daddy and his job? And why is Jacob’s mummy, who always causes a scene in the playground when she sees someone wearing a football shirt because it’s ‘tacky’ and ‘the most pathetic sport’, suddenly so interested in a game that she tells everyone she hates? Or is she just interested in Trent? Who knows.

The two of them are spending the rest of the day doing creative play, flicking between playing with the dinosaurs in the water table, to making you a card for no other reason than because they love you, to creating one another out of red and yellow PlayDoh - something Trent won’t be doing again because he’s convinced himself that he looks like the slightly disfigured model that your daughter has made - one foot three times the size of the other, an unfortunate bulge on the top of his head, and arms that are extremely long and skinny. And his doubts aren’t going away because your little girl keeps reinforcing the fact that ‘it’s you, daddy’, much to the amusement of all of the other parents who giggle away at how disappointed and awkward he looks after being compared to crusty piece of five-year-old PlayDoh.

“I had fun with you being a big boy at school today” she’s saying as she walks hand in hand with Trent over to her peg, his dad instinct coming out as he helps her put her coat on and pack her book bag. “Did you?” he’s asking, his heart melting into a puddle when she nods her head and gives him a little smile. “I had so much fun too, even if you did splash me at the water table” he’s saying, tickling her sides and making her giggle at the memory of the plastic dinosaur ‘accidentally’ dropping from above her head right into the water in front of him. “Shall we go and tell mummy about today then?” he’s saying as he reaches down and takes her hand in his before the two of them are stepping out into the playground together, your little girl bursting with excitement ready to tell you all about their day and how Trent now has a gold star stuck on the wall for being the ‘cleverest at knowing all of the dinosaurs’ names’.

[brutal-nemesis]

E&T-Honey I Shrunk the Test Subject

Hiiii here is the stupid content no one asked for (title from @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi)

Masterlist - Next→

Ingredients: possessive whumper, manhandling/noncon touching (unsexy), spider, a lil bit of choking

“This is my favorite thing I have done, ever.”

“Change me back right now, Neteri.”

“Mmmmm...maybe later.” He huffed angrily and crossed his arms, glaring up at her. When she’d said she wanted to test something on him today, figured it would be...he didn’t know, something normal? Not...not…this. He wished he could run away as she stared down at him, but there wasn’t anywhere for him to go.

He was stuck up here, standing on the palm of her hand as she looked at him through a magnifying glass.

She poked at his stomach with the tip of her finger, giggling as he stumbled back in order to stay on his feet. “Oh Erebus, you’re so cute all teeny like this. My hypothesis was correct after all!”

“And what was your hypothesis?”

“That you would be even cuter if I shrunk you! And I was so, so right,” she cooed, shifting so both of her hands were wrapped around him, bringing him up and rubbing him against her cheek. He squirmed desperately, but he was no match for her now.

“Put me down!”

“Okay!” She let go of him with one hand, still holding him firmly in the other, and grabbed something from under the table. She gently dropped him onto a soft surface...surrounded by curved glass walls. He looked up in disbelief. A jar. She’d put him in a jar.

“Neteri, this isn’t what-let me out of here!” he yelled, banging his fist against the glass uselessly. 

“Don’t worry bud, I’ll take you outside later. For now, I have some things to do, so just sit tight, okay?” He protested further, but she just ignored him and screwed on the lid. She’d poked holes in it, at least, but now he was even more trapped. He found it hard to stand as she started walking, so he angrily sat down on the thick layer of cotton and scraps of cloth that lined the bottom of the jar, watching helplessly as she carried him along.

She brought him into a room he’d never seen before, but he assumed it was her office. Bookshelves lined the walls, and papers were stacked in neat piles here and there. She gently set the jar down on her desk, gathering some materials before sitting down and getting to work. Erebus sighed, looking around more closely at his prison.

There really wasn’t much in there besides the layer of bedding, just a small stick and a coin. He laid back, sighing. This was worse than being stuck in his cell, since there he had things to do, and more importantly, privacy. Here, everything he did was very much on display for Neteri. Every now and then, she’d glance up at him and smile, or even just watch him for a little bit. Why did she even want him here if she wasn’t going to do anything to him? Wait, he...he was just her desk ornament, wasn’t he? A little pet for her to look at while she worked. Humiliated, he rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the soft material. There wasn’t any way to escape her gaze except for burying himself completely, but he was certain she’d just tease him for doing that.

A little while later, he heard her unscrewing the lid, and upon looking up, he saw her hand reaching in. He tried his best to get away, but there wasn’t really anywhere for him to run. She managed to pinch the back of his shirt between her fingers, and he struggled uselessly as she pulled him up and out of the jar. “You’re so wiggly,” she remarked, grabbing him in her other hand and letting go of his shirt.

“Yeah, because I don’t like you grabbing me and picking me up!”

“Oh come on, how can I resist?” She rubbed the side of his face with her thumb. “You’re so lil and cute and all mine; I just wanna hold you.” She moved her thumb, stroking his hair now. “Maybe I’ll just keep you like this forever. My own little Erebus.”

A look of horror crept across his face. “You wouldn’t-you can’t-”

She laughed. “No, I can’t. The spell only lasts for twenty-four hours.”

“Well that’s-wait I’m going to be stuck like this for a day?!”

Neteri smiled wickedly. “Yes you are. And you can bet I’m going to make the most of this. I’m almost done here, and then I’ll take you outside, ‘kay?”

“Are you going to let go of me while you-”

“Nope.” Erebus groaned, but tried to make himself as comfortable as possible in her hand, trying to ignore the way she was constantly petting him with her finger in one spot or another. Thankfully, she finished her work soon after and let go of him, placing him gently on her palm. “Alright, lil guy, do you want to ride in the jar or on my shoulder? Or,” she gasped, “I could put you in my pocket! Nevermind, I’m putting you in my pocket.”

“Hey, wait-” Erebus cried, but she paid him no heed, dumping him into the breast pocket of her coat. After some struggling, he managed to right himself, standing so his head and shoulders were sticking out. Neteri was looking down at him with the happiest smile he’d seen her wear since...ever, really.

“This is so amazing look at you in there you’re so small and aaahhhh!” She jumped up and down a few times, and Erebus had to hold tightly to the edge of her pocket to avoid being thrown out. 

“Cut it out, Neteri, you’re going to kill me!”

She looked down at him, realizing her mistake. “Oh no I’m so sorry little bud are you okay?!”

“I mean for a lot of reasons, no, but physically I’m...not in pain.”

“Great! Let’s get going, then.” She slung her bag over her shoulder, and off they went. It was strange, seeing the world from this height. He felt so small-well, of course he was small, but-just...height wise? Regular person size height wise? He felt like he was a kid again, only being this high off the ground. This was sort of how Neteri saw things, wasn’t it? He was a little lower than that, but still, the tops of doorways were so far, not even close to his head at all. 

Musings aside, he was relieved when they made it to one of the many palace gardens they visited every so often. He begrudgingly climbed onto Neteri’s hand, glad to get out of her pocket, at least. She petted his head a few times, muttering “Tiny Erebus,” to herself, before lowering him enough that he could step onto the ground. They were right next to one of the plant beds, and Erebus couldn’t help but look up in awe. The plants were so tall, their leaves big enough for him to easily hide under.

“You can go wandering in there if you want, but don’t go too far or...well, you’ll see,” Neteri said. Erebus was tempted to ask what exactly she meant by that, but he refrained, simply nodding and heading off into the veritable jungle. Soon enough, he lost himself in the strange little world among the plants, fascinated by the way they looked from this angle. He didn’t know how long he spent just wandering around, studying the huge flowers, stems, and leaves. For a moment, he almost didn’t mind being small. But just for a moment.

Because then he saw something moving.

Erebus was frozen in horror as he watched the long, shiny legs scuttling towards him. He’d never really been afraid of spiders, but they usually weren’t so big, certainly not almost up to his knees. He finally managed to get his legs to move, breaking into a run. He didn’t really think it would hurt him, but he didn’t want to take his chances and that thing was still freaky. He tried to gauge where he was, but it was impossible to tell. He could hardly see the sky through all these tall stems and leaves, much less Neteri. And no way was he calling for her. If she knew he was being chased by a spider, she’d never let him live it down.

Erebus just kept going, hoping he could lose it, when something suddenly jerked on his neck, temporarily choking him and knocking him onto his back. He frantically felt his neck as he coughed, feeling for whatever had pulled him, but there was nothing besides his stupid collar, which hadn’t caught on anything, as far as he could tell. He scurried to his feet and tried to keep going, but again his neck was pulled back. He waved his hand around, and there wasn’t anything there, but it felt like he was being tugged back by...a leash. Oh. This is what Neteri meant by him not being able to go too far away. 

Thankfully, he seemed to have lost the spider, so he turned around and headed in the direction the leash had pulled him earlier. It did end up leading him back to Neteri, who looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Did you try to run, Erebus?” She tapped a ring on her finger that he hadn’t noticed before, a tinge of harshness in her eyes. 

“I-no, I was just...running...from something.” He’d...he’d rather take teasing over punishment.

Her gaze softened instantly, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. “Wait did you get chased by a bug or something that’s so cute!” She grabbed him before he could dodge, bringing him up and rubbing him against her cheek again. “You poor sweet little thing I’ll always protect you from those big scary bugs.”

Erebus then remembered that teasing was basically punishment. 

He couldn’t wait for this damn spell to wear off.

Next→

Random bits tag: @yet-another-heathen @as-a-matter-of-whump @galaxywhump

[vodkassassin]

Draco elfling? LOL it really wanted to autocorrect that to elf king

Lmao he wishes!!

Snippet: Draco elfling WIP

He’s absolutely tiny, his hair is short again, and he’s got no bloody clue where the hell he is.

Draco brushes dirt off his shins for possibly the twelfth time today, and scrambles as best he can up the side of a knobbly old fir tree to avoid the giant maneating spider that’s well the size of a fully grown skrewt, and finally begins to ask himself, why? Why him? What has he done to deserve this? He’d repented all his sins already, made peace with his enemies! Harry J. bloody Potter himself had said “Draco, I forgive you,” insomany words, so why can’t Draco catch a break?

He clings to a branch that hangs a bit lower than he really cares for, and prays to any higher power that will listen to save him, dammit, please, he will do so much better in life if he’s just saved, right now, saved and kept safe and not in danger of being turned into a corpse mummified by overly large webbing.

He will listen to whatever his mother says. He will hand write apology cards for every single person he’s ever wronged in his life. He will buy Daphne a new vase to replace the one he’d accidentally smashed the last visit over, so she’ll start talking to her sister again, because merlin but Astoria is so difficult to deal with when she’s moping. But Draco will fix it! He will! He’ll go out and— and he shall will each and every Malfoy property to charity, is what he’ll do!

Or just bloody well and give them over, post haste. No need to bring wills and death rites into it, because Draco is still very much alive—

He yelps, internally wincing at the squeaky, childlike little voice he’s been cursed with along with this useless, teeny little body, and reaches up to grasp wildly around for a more stable hold when the branch he’s clinging to starts to creak ominously. Come on! He’s not that heavy! This tree is lousy, how can this tiny baby body be enough to break that branch? It’s thicker around than he is currently tall!!

It cracks, and Draco has just enough time to lunge for the branch above it, hissing as the broken one gouges a jagged scrape down his side. Fresh blood springs up from the previously unmarked pearlescent flesh, and Draco really just wants to cry.

It hurts, dammit! And he’s little! He looks like a Merlin-damn child, he’s got the magic-given right to bloody well act like one, doesn’t he?

Long, hairy legs hiss and chitter right by him, somewhere along the trees. They brush right by his bangs, and he can hear it echoing in from all around him. This is so much worse than the Acromatula in the Forbidden Forest. Draco at least knows how to deal with those. No, these things are five times bigger and spit poison, no thank you, not at all!

Draco presses his forehead into the piney bark and sniffles. He scrunches his eyes shut, and he can feel the slow, menacing approach of the demon from the seventh level of hell, all however-many of its eyes aimed right at his back. There’s a click, craaack of its mandibles opening and shutting with a snap, ready to devour him, and all Draco can think about is what the hell would Harry do?

Turn around and stab it with its own tooth, as he bloody well did, at twelve. Draco’s is, what—this body can’t be older than five? What’s he going to do? Let the thing chomp on him just to get a weapon from its own hide? No thanks. Kudos to Harry Potter but Draco is different.

The spider closes in on him and Draco just ups and lets go of the tree branch, because why the hell not? He’s about to die anyway, might as well make it by his own terms.

He falls for what feels like forever, though he knows he can’t have climbed up that high what with his bitty little limbs being no longer than his own Merlin-damn wand—where was that useless shaft of wood, anyway?—and the wind and twigs whip by his face and leave marks as he descends. He hits another branch on the way down, somehow, which knocks the wind out of him, and Draco’s still working on trying to get his lungs to work again when a final branch scoops him right out of the air and makes off with him like a thief in the night.

They’ve run for a good two minutes before Draco finally wraps his head around the fact that trees don’t have arms and cannot, in fact, grab things even if they wanted to. He whips his head up to get a look at his captor, which is a miserable mistakes because it aggravates the large, dripping gash that runs along his side and is absolutely coated with half-crusted blood. Draco lets out a strangled whine, and curls back inward on it, hissing out another wordless cry when he sees all the red that marrs his previously white—not clean, but not a horror scene either— t-shirt.

A large hand firmly but gently angles his head into a rock-solid chest. Draco can hear a steady heartbeat under his ear despite the fact that they’re definitely not running anywhere under twenty miles an hour.

“Hush, little one. You will be safe soon.”

Draco sinks his teeth into his bottom lips and decides against complaining, as he’d been doing nothing but since waking up. This is rather what he’d been praying for, isn’t it? Perhaps a tad bit late, but… he can deal. He’ll find a way to deal.

[ribcage-rodents]

How Iris first had an inkling that Wally had a crush on Dick. Ok so like, bc Star and Gotham are absolutely horrifying during Halloween, Barry is like “I’ll patrol then Iris will take the babies trick or teating”

Originally Wally is really upset bc he wants to go patrolling w his uncle but once he finds out that he gets to hang out w the other hero’s he’s psyched.

So Wally is like 12-13 and dresses up as the flash naturally. Roy is like 14-15 and he’s totally too old for Halloween and over it bc he’s super angsty, and dresses up as like Jason form Friday the thirteenth or some shit bc Black Canary forces him to. Robin only ever celebrated Halloween during his circus days when everyone would paint their face scary and flying Graysons would do aerial ballet show w black fabric so it was like spiders but after that it was just horrifying.

Anyway so Barry picked up this tiny Batman costume and Iris was like “Barry hon, isn’t he like 10? Shouldn’t you get him a bigger outfit?” (He two years younger than Wally, and four younger than Roy) And Barry is like “no trust me babe he teeny”.

Batman shows up to their house followed by a tinsity winsty baby tiny Batman bc Barry ran it over b/f patrol. And wow is that cute. Tiny baby Batman is basically glued to Batman’s side, his teeny little head coming up to Batman’s lower thigh, last time Iris checked 10-year olds aren’t supposed to be that tiny but wow is it adorable. (I’m sorry I just love teeny baby Dickie& giant looming built-like-a-tank batdaddy)

Barry told her what Batman had already explained. That Robin is foreign and doesn’t really know a lot of holiday stuff and also has been severely traumatized the past couple of years and doesn’t really like strangers and knows better than to take anything from strangers.

So it’s obvious that Robin would rather be tied up and drugged w fear gas than in a family aquatintence’s home about to go trick or treating. And Iris is a little resentful of the other boys, hard as she try to be understanding, bc Wally looks so disappointed bc he just wants to have friends and these guys don’t want to have fun.

Anyway Roy is kinda warming up to the whole trick or treating thing but sometimes he can be really mean to Wally but maybe Iris is just overprotective of her boy. Iris takes several pictures during the entire night despite both Batmans being adamant about no photos.

Robin refuses to go up to any house but Iris doesn’t comment on it. She doesn’t want to alienate him, so she doesn’t say anything. She goes up and grabs him a peice of candy but he disappears into the night. She panics for a good couple of seconds but calms when tiny Batman shows up next to Wally and Roy.

She doesn’t try again after that. He likes to walk at the back of the group and every time Iris tries to keep an eye on him, bc he may be a trained hero but central isn’t as safe as smallsville and her parental instincts are going off. Every couple of blocks Wally will try to walk next to him and talk and it’ll work for a while then Robin will slow down and fall behind and Wally’s angelic little baby face gets so sad.

As their trip comes to an end Iris can see Robin wrapping the cape around him tightly w his eyes screwed shut and it breaks her heart a little bc this poor boy must be so uncomfortable and scared that he’s trying to imitate the feeling of his mentors hug. It’s a jarring to imagine Batman hugging anything but she supposes that a baby as cute as that must make even the dark knight just wanna squeeze his sweet rosy, chubby cheeks. She reaches out to place a hand on his head, bc he’s too short to comfortably put a hand on his shoulder.

He jerks back immediately and death glares her, his anger showing full force through the white eyelets. She sent him an apologetic smile and he seemed to unbistle a smidgen.

Once they were finally home Iris watched them from behind the kitchen counter. Wally and Roy were digging into the candy while Robin perched on top of the couch. He kept scratching at his arm, Barry said that it was fine as long as it was controlled. Apparently the poor baby had a pretty serious anxiety disorder and tended to scratch to make himself feel better, it was ok as long as he didn’t have an attack.

She tossed him the single candy across the room, he caught it swiftly in his tiny baby hand. (So cute) Wally shot up to his feet. “That’s not one of my candies right?” Iris smiled, her prefect gluttonous boy. “Nope it’s from your uncles,” it was lie but it didn’t harm anyone. “That’s my backup candy!” Wally cried racing towards the door and snatching up handfuls of candy from the trick or treater bowl. Iris pretend to scold him for being stingy.

Robin slowly unwrapped the candy then examined it breaking off a piece and finally eating the snickers. His eyelets widened comically and he chewed slowly staring down at the candy before shoving the entire (not that fun size is really that big) thing in his mouth. It was absolutely adorable! She wished she had take a video and wondered if this was his first ever candy. (Dick usually just ate cotton candy as a kid, he hadn’t discover cereal yet. But since his parents died he hasn’t had real sugar, Alfred has strict hold on anything sweet in the house and Robin was deemed too energetic already.)

Apparently Wally agreed bc his mouth was wide open and his face was a blotchy-red color. His eyes were filled w what Iris could only discribe as adoration.

Wally swallowed then stood up again. His arms filled w sweets. “Here you can have my candy!” Wally all but shouted at the other boy, he paused for a second looking at his arms, “or we could share,” he suggested instead.

That’s what got Iris, even before his flash experiment Wally has never shared food, not even w his uncle. But here he was offering up some to a boy he hardly knows bc he thinks it’s cute when he eats candy. God she might cry.

Robin smiled at Wally. A real smile, the first one she’s seen all night. “You could still have it all if you wanted!” Wally said again his face turning a couple shades darker and thrusting the candy at robin, who artfully avoided his touch.

“We can share, don’t speedsters need extra calories?” Wally nodded and then proceeded to gather up the rest of the candy scattered on the floor. It was then that Iris noticed that Roy and dipped.

She was slightly panicked. Roy could probably fight for himself but he’s still a baby, a baby that Iris was in charge of. She hurriedly pulled out some blankets and turned on the tv for the boys while she dialed Barry who called Ollie. In a strange turn of events Ollie actually apologized to Iris, saying quote, “Roy’s a little jack-ass of course he snuck off. Don’t worry I’ll find him, probably screwed off to get drunk at some highschool party. Thanks for watching him while you could, I honestly expected him to scurry off a lot sooner.”

It didn’t exactly ease the tension in Iris’ chest but watching those two babies sitting on the couch pass candy back forth watching Charlie Brown specials made her feel a lot better. They were on opposite sides of the couch and Iris could see Wally’s little fingers twitching by his legs, he got up to go to the bathroom and came back only to really casually sit right next to Robin, like basically on his lap.

Robin wiggled up onto the arm of the couch.

“Ok so this ones a Milky Way,” Wally said passing the treat up to Robin.

He popped it in his mouth and chewed. “What’s the difference between this one and the snickers?” He asked, Iris was a little surprised by how good Robins accent was, he spoke like a natural English speaker, which he wasn’t. Every once in a while he’d use a word wrong or mispronounce something, a lit of something would catch on what he was saying but his American accent was pretty flawless.

“Snickers have peanuts, milky ways don’t,” Wally supplied in a duh voice. Robin smiled, “golly, you sure know a bunch about candies. You must be really smart!” And isn’t that so cute! Everyone treats the speedsters like idiots just bc they’re dense but here Robin is picking up on the hidden intelligence like a Batman should. Wally puffed his chest out all proud his face was still all red like a patchy strawberry.

A couple hours passed when Batman showed up. Wearing a different not soaked in fear gas costume, both Iris and Wally were sad to see robin go, well Wally was more devastated. The minute Batman stepped through the front door Robin was disappearing underneath his cape, according to Barry Robin doesn’t like to be more than 3cm from Batman at all times.

“Maybe we can hang out more!” Wally called his blush finally fading. A chipper ok sounded from somewhere in Batman’s cape, (Wally’s face turned scarlet in an instant) at the same time Batman gruffed out a no. Wally’s perfect baby face fell, Batman and Robin left. “Hey don’t worry kiddo I’ll talk to him!” Wally gave a half-hearted smile then went back to his candy eating.

Later he was engrossed in a discussion of patrol w his uncle while they both ate most of central’s candy supply.

As Barry and Iris got ready for bed an hour or so later she turned to him w a mischievous smile. “So it’s seems like Wally’s got his first real crush!” She sing-songed. Barry looked at her confused a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. “Who?” “Robin” she responded. “That’s doesn’t make any sense!” She signed, somethings speedsters really were dense.

[tri-poke]

Like a miracle, there actually is something out of the corner of Zach's eye, the 8th or 13th time it darts to the left instead of the right as he turns that way. Facing toward a gap in the wall, seeing just right through a series of holes in the separating walls, Zach sees Little-Leaper.

The unbroken Rex is creeping around in the labyrinth of stone, fog, thorn, and shadow, hunkered low, his belly scraping the wispy peaks of the eternal mist. All his wild playfulness has switched to the fear of the young out alone. Predator or not, even the mightiest of predators, young and alone is easy meat.

Before Zach can do anything it's like some other part of him does the same damn thing that his eye just did, catching on some change in the environment to alert him. But it's also that kind of experience of straining a muscle for the first time, suddenly realizing that there even IS a muscle there.

Best he can compare it, in the split second between being caught by it and the awareness that something is there to be aware of, it is like a gut feeling of catching some creeping movement except it is almost a sound - like a whisper of wind making some kind of music in a way he doesn't rightly understand across the ridges of stone like it's a giant harmonica, playing a tune that no human never made.

Except... not.

Because even as his brain is trying to process that unknown something, his thoughts are translating it, same way as he knows what a Rex means by how it moves. Clearer. It's almost... like words... fading in and out of his awareness.

"...are you? ... ... you doing ... ? Can you ... me? are... open??"

But that same feeling also drags his eyes down farther, calling his attention to the ground beneath the thin curls of mist behind the carefully creeping Little-Leaper. A second ago, he would have insisted... to any priest anyone would care to name, with his hand on any holy-book, that nothing was there. Thousand Hells, he had been sure enough to swear on the skin-clad book of the Demon-blood drinking Double-Bastard of Eld, that it was empty ground, just a bit of mist.

He's just as sure it ain't empty now. Dozens upon dozens of teeny-tiny gray-white stones, like quartz, with fine mossy green tops... like they're covered in thin bristly fur, are scuttling over the ground, hidden in the fog. Swarming on sets of too many legs... eight... - it's spiders. Palm sized spiders, maybe tarantulas - yeah, stone colored tarantulas with green tipped poisonous looking hairs bristling over their segmented bodies... heading straight for Little-Leaper. ...Their second meal of the day.

And the odd not there voice seems to tune itself past him again. "Is it open? Do you hear ...? ... ... it ... passes? ... ... foe?" Before it has passed out of his perception again, like the wind has passed out of the right angle to blow the tune. Even though there's no wind here.

But that distraction lets the spider swarm get closer to Little-Leaper.

[jaybug-jabbers]

Flick’s Complete Bug Guide

Hi, all! Do you feel a wave of disappointment whenever you bring Blathers a bug and he spends all his time berating the poor creatures? Want to learn more about the buggy friends you find in Animal Crossing without all the snide remarks?

Look no further– this is Flick’s Complete Bug Guide! Learn about these amazing creatures from the perspective of a true bug fan!

You’re encouraged to visit every time you capture a new bug so you can learn more about it!

This guide is written in the theoretical universe where you can approach Flick during a day he is visiting and there is a dialogue option “Tell me about this!”

Upon being asked to tell you about a bug, Flick would say:

“Oh my gosh! A <name of bug>! I can hardly even gaze upon its sheer beauty and magnificence!”

“Ahem. I-I mean, um … thank you for bringing this to me!”

He would then tell you about the bug, and finish his speech with the following:

“It has been an honor to spend time in the presence of your  <name of bug>. I hope you enjoyed hearing what wisdom I could share about it!”

Now, onward to the bug guide!

Common Butterfly (Pieris rapae)

The Common Butterfly, also known as the Cabbage Butterfly or the White Butterfly, is a widespread species of butterfly with pretty white wings and black spots. A large reason this species has grown so widespread is because its caterpillars love to eat plants in the cabbage family, including kale, broccoli and bok choy, plants that humans grow plenty of. While these caterpillars are considered serious crop pests, it’s interesting to note that these little grubs will move around a lot when feeding, avoiding damaging any single part of the plant too much. This may be to avoid predators from easily spotting the caterpillars, but they also might be trying to share the crops with us! With that in mind, maybe we can learn to share our crops with the butterflies, too.  

Yellow Butterfly (Colias erate)

Ever wonder about a butterfly’s wing? Such delicate, beautiful structures? Well, the scientific name for the family of butterflies and moths is ‘Lepidoptera,’ which means 'scale wing.’ Butterfly wings are coated in thousands of teeny, tiny scales made of chitin. These scales help insulate a butterfly, as well as allow butterfly wings to get their coloration through pigments or iridescence. The scales also allow for a very neat trick– if a butterfly gets captured in a spider’s web, there’s a good chance some of the scales on their wings will detach, allowing the butterfly to slip away. That’s why if you handle a butterfly, sometimes you hands are covered in a fine powdery substance. That powder is some of the butterfly’s scales rubbing off on you. I have to admit, I envy butterfly scales a little. They seem much more beautiful and functional than my own lizardy scales.

Common Bluebottle (Graphium sarpedon)

This vibrant black-and-blue insect is a type of swallowtail butterfly, and lives in tropical rainforests as well as some drier, subtropical environments. Like most butterflies, they feed on flower nectar, but Bluebottles are also commonly seen drinking from mud puddles. This helps them take in salts and minerals from the ground. In search of nutrients, Bluebottles may even occasionally feed from animal droppings or dead animals! Although this may change your image of butterflies as sweet, lovely insects, it’s actually a really smart move for the butterflies. Good things can come even from wastes!

Tiger Butterfly (Papilio machaon)

The Tiger Butterfly is named for its dramatic yellow and black-striped coloration. It’s also sometimes called a Yellow Swallowtail, because of the long tails on its hindwings that resemble the tails of swallows. When Tiger Butterflies are caterpillars, they are covered in brown, white and black spots– ingeniously camouflaged as bird droppings! As the caterpillars get older, their colors change to a lovely green with black and orange markings. They also gain a new defense against predators, called the osmeterium. This is a forked, retractable organ that the caterpillar can inflate when feeling threatened. The osmeterium releases a foul odor, warding off ants and other predatory insects. As you can see, caterpillars have all sorts of tricks to avoid being eaten– which is a good thing, because that means more beautiful butterflies!

Agrias Butterfly(Agrias claudina)

This superb little butterfly is considered one of the most beautiful species to exist, and with its iridescent pink and violet set on a black background, I find it hard to argue. The glorious colors you’re witnessing are thanks to the teeny, tiny scales that coat the butterflies’ wings. Male Agrias Butterflies also have small yellow patches of scales on their hindwings, and these patches are special. They’re actually made of something called androconial scales. These scales help release pheromones for attracting a mate. Butterflies communicate with each other through these pheromones, as well as those colorful, glittering wings. Of course, with such eye-catching looks, these butterflies may gain the unwanted attention of predators, too, but they’re in luck: Agrias Butterflies are incredibly swift and agile fliers. It takes a lot to get ahold of one of these little gems!

Queen Alexandra’s Birdwing (Ornithoptera alexandrae)

Oh, wow! You caught a Queen Alexandra’s Birdwing? Those are rare– they’re an endangered species! They live in rainforests, but habitat destruction from oil palm plantations has really damaged their populations. (It didn’t help that a volcano erupted around the 50s, destroying much of their habitat as well.) These days, it’s illegal to trade this species worldwide. Hopefully, with habitat protection and captive breeding programs, the species will make a comeback. It’s a really special species– did you know it’s the largest butterfly in the world? Its wingspan can reach up to 9 inches or larger! The females are the larger of the species, while males are smaller but more brightly colored. They love to fly quite high up, and have few natural predators due to their size. That fact gives me hope! I want to see these birdwings thrive once more.

Emperor Butterfly (Morpho menelaus)

The charismatic Emperor Butterfly– also commonly known as the Blue Morpho– is a wonderful example of iridescence. The shimmering cerulean shades of this species do not come from pigment but instead from wing scales that have a special microstructure, reflecting the light in a special way to produce the color. As the butterfly flies, you get flashes of bright blue, and other times see the dark wing undersides. It makes for quite the dazzling display. This butterfly’s wings don’t only look lovely, but also are able to repel water. As a result, it’s one of the few butterflies that will fly in the rain! Because of its beauty, the Emperor is popular with collectors, but over collection and habitat destruction threatens this species. It’s essential that we protect and preserve nature and its incredible insects, so future generations can enjoy them as well!

Rajah Brooke’s Birdwing (Trogonoptera brookiana)

The regal Rajah Brooke’s Birdwing is the national butterfly of Malaysia, and it’s easy to see why. This butterfly makes for an impressive sight; it has a wingspan over 7 inches long and has shimmering, electric-green and black wings. It dwells on rainforested islands where it feeds from flowers such as orchid trees. Interestingly, the males love to gather at hot mineral springs to sip the water, while the drabber-colored females are seen far less often, living a more mysterious life in the trees. The caterpillars of this species are white and brown, covered in defensive spines called tubercles. These larvae feed on the poisonous leaves of vines, storing the poison in their bodies so they are toxic to predators that try to eat them. Laws have been made to protect this popular species, attempting to limit the trade and export of these butterflies. Unfortunately, people sometimes still try to smuggle this species to sell to collectors. It’s an important reminder that we need to protect and respect these beautiful creatures, and not let collecting get out of hand.

Great Purple Emperor (Sasakia charonda)

The Great Purple Emperor is Japan’s proud national butterfly, due to their refined beauty and their wide distribution across Japan. They are black or brown butterflies speckled in white and yellow, with the males covered in a gorgeous purple sheen. They like to dwell in the upper canopy of trees but will come down to feed, sipping up tree sap and occasionally seeking minerals from animal droppings or animal carcasses. They are quick, strong flyers and are said to look like birds when they fly. The caterpillars of this species are adorable green larvae with a pair of horns that I think makes them look absolutely charming. These caterpillars enjoy the leaves of hackberry trees, and when winter comes, the fellows will turn a brown color and crawl to the ground and hide among the roots and fallen leaves. When spring arrives, they immerge from hiding and continue to feed until they are ready to pupate and become adults in the summer. Then they take flight with their strong wing beats– truly the kings of the summer forest!

Paper Kite Butterfly (Idea leuconoe)

The Paper Kite Butterfly is known for its slow, graceful flight, looking much like a handkerchief drifting in the breeze. With their silvery white wings, decorated in dramatic black stripes and spots, it only adds to the loveliness of the picture. However, it’s important to note this species is not simply beautiful; it’s also highly poisonous. The caterpillars of Paper Kites feed on a number of toxic vines, and store the poisons in their bodies as they eat. This poison remains when they transform into adults, so any birds that happen by and try to eat this butterfly are in for a nasty surprise. The bird usually survives these encounters but learns a valuable lesson– avoid snacking on these elegant creatures!

Peacock Butterfly (Papilio bianor)

The Peacock Butterfly is a type of swallowtail butterfly, which means its hindwings have extensions that look very much like the tails of swallows. These colorful 'tails’ are actually great defensive mechanisms. If a bird tries to attack the Peacock Butterfly, it may focus instead on the eye-catching tail. This may end up with a bird grabbing a chunk of wing, but the butterfly’s vital body parts are still intact, and it can escape. Next time you’re admiring the gorgeous sparkling tails of the Peacock Butterfly, you can appreciate they aren’t simply for show but can also help protect these insects!

Monarch Butterfly (Danaus plexippus)

This particular butterfly is well-known for its epic migrations. Because Monarchs do not tolerate the cold, each year when winter begins to approach, they migrate en masse southward to Mexico, where they overwinter. They do this by taking advantage of air currents and thermals, traveling amazing distances in the process– sometimes up to 3,000 miles! During this migration, when the butterflies are resting, they gather together in large groups to roost on trees, huddled for warmth. A group of migrating monarchs is a truly incredible sight to behold; the air thick with fluttering wings, the trees absolutely covered in bright black and orange. Once winter has passed, the monarchs begin a return migration, but this one is different, as it spans multiple generations. The butterflies that eventually return northward in the spring are the grandchildren of the ones that left in the winter– in fact, it takes 3-4 generations for the monarchs to return to their northern territories again! Their journeys are truly inspiring.

Moth (Order Lepidoptera)

Time for a little lesson! Want to know the difference between butterflies and moths? A lot of people might think the difference is that moths are nocturnal and rather duly-colored, while butterflies are colorful and active during the day. But the truth is, there are actually a lot of daytime-flying moths, and many of those species are extremely colorful! A better way to tell them apart is to look at their antenna; generally, butterfly antenna are thin with 'clubs’ at the end, while moth antenna are fuzzy or feathery and lack clubs. Also, you can look at their wings when they’re at rest: butterflies usually like to hold their wings closed when they rest, while moths usually hold their wings flat. However, these are just rules of thumb, and there are exceptions. Ultimately, they’re both very closely related insects in the order Lepidoptera, and both equally enjoyable creatures.

Madagascan Sunset Moth (Chrysiridia rhipheus)

It is positively euphoric to gaze upon the Madagascan Sunset Moth, with its wide wingspan of 3 to 3 and a half inches, its eye-catching tails, and its glittering kaleidoscopic colors of red, green, blue and black. This day-flying moth species sips nectar and flits about the forests of Madagascar. Their caterpillars, white larvae clad in black spots and stripes, like to feed upon highly toxic shrubs, and then store the poison in their bodies. When they metamorphose into adults, they retain their toxicity, so predators quickly learn to avoid these dazzling insects. This species is considered one of the most beautiful moth or butterfly species in the world, prized among collectors and sometimes used in the making of jewelry. Of course, I feel the best way of appreciating this moth is the same way you appreciate a sunset; just be present for the moment you’re living in. Thank you for sharing this moment with us, Sunset moth.

Atlas Moth (Attacus atlas)

What a beautiful creature! The Atlas moth is one of the largest moths in the world. Do you see how its wings are massive compared to its little body? And here, the tips of its wings have these large extensions that look like the head of a snake! When potential predators disturb this moth, it flaps its wings and uses these false snake heads to try and spook animals away. It’s a clever tactic, because the Atlas moth must be careful about conserving its energy– it cannot afford to fly great distances. Why? Because it has no mouth. Adult moths simply never eat and live off of the fat reserves they built up when they were feeding as caterpillars. Like the bloom of a flower, the life of the Atlas Moth does not last long, but our worlds are all the richer for having them in it.

Rice Grasshopper (Oxya japonica)

The Rice Grasshopper is considered by people to be an agricultural pest, because it loves to eat crops, especially rice crops. However, the Rice Grasshopper is also considered by people to be, um … a very tasty snack. I have a sad story about Rice Grasshoppers. I was a pretty young hatchling at the time, and I was playing outside. I had been chasing a grasshopper for over an hour. When I finally captured it, I was so excited and proud! It was a beautiful Rice Grasshopper, probably a female, since it was quite large. I brought it back home to show my father. I … I gave it to him so he could look at it, and . . . he ate it in one gulp… . I cried a long time after that. He hadn’t realized I wanted to keep it. But, um … yeah. We don’t always get along so well. I can’t possibly imagine wanting to eat such beautiful, amazing creatures.

Long Locust (Acrida cinerea)

This fantastic-looking grasshopper has an incredibly long, triangular head, with two long antenna on top. They also have amazingly long hind legs, which they use to bound away from predators. They feed upon various grasses and especially have a taste for rice plants. The females of the Long Locust are much larger than the males, and can often be mistaken as a separate species. In Japan, these grasshoppers are known as Shouryou-batta, or “Spirit Grasshopper.” Because the grasshoppers appear in summer and autumn, around the time of the Bon Festival, and the grasshoppers’ bodies are boat-shaped, they remind people of the boats used during the festival to carry the souls of the departed. Quite an honorable reputation for this little locust!

Grasshopper (Infraorder Acrididea)

Grasshoppers come from a family of insects that have ancient roots, all the way back to the Triassic period. They have been chomping away on grasses and other plants for a very long time! They have powerful hind legs they use to spring into the air in order to evade predators. In the moment they leap, they may also flash their brightly-colored wings to startle their enemies. Since you’ve captured this grasshopper, I’m sure you know how surprisingly far and fast they can jump. Actually, if you and I could jump as well as a grasshopper, we could leap the length of a football field! Grasshoppers are also known for their chirping, which they produce by rubbing their powerful hind legs against their wings. Those impressive legs are thus useful for a variety of purposes. To be honest, our legs are pretty boring in comparison.

Migratory Locust (Locusta migratoria)

Locusts are a type of grasshopper that can engage in an absolutely fascinating event: locust swarms. Normally, locusts live a solitary, humble life; green insects that slowly creep about, calmly feeding on grasses and generally avoiding fellow locusts. However, if locust populations start to become too crowded, especially due to high rainfall increasing the food supply, then locusts change rapidly. Their appearances change and they gain bright, colorful markings; also, their behavior switches to being highly gregarious, which means they are drawn to each other in large crowds and they start to act as a single group. They begin to reproduce rapidly and eat voraciously, and will travel over long distances, stripping the land of vegetation. These swarms are sometimes called locust plagues, because they can devastate farmer’s crops and even cause famine! There is some consolation, though … locusts are a good, protein-packed food for people to eat.

Cricket (Family Gryllidae)

The soothing, relaxing song of crickets is produced when crickets rub their textured wings together– this is called stridulation. They sing to attract mates and to mark their territories, and some crickets even have a specific tune they sing after a successful mating. These musical insects are also affected by temperatures; most crickets chirp faster as the temperature increases, and they can be so reliable that if you count the number of chirps, you can estimate the temperature. The language of crickets is actually quite complex and compelling! Crickets hear each other through ears located on their front legs, just below their 'knees.’ Cricket hearing is very sophisticated, actually, and may even rival our own hearing. The next time you hear that gentle chirping in the night, you should stop to really listen to it. Who knows what secrets they could be whispering to you!

Bell Cricket (Homoeogryllus japonicus)

Like most insects, the Bell Cricket has two pairs of wings; the hindwings are membranous and meant for flight, while the front wings are leathery and protective. Bell Crickets make a beautiful chirp by rubbing their front wings together, and many people liken the sound to the chiming of bells. These crickets can change the sound of their songs by vibrating their bodies as they chirp, making the sound of each cricket unique. These lovely musicians are popular pets, traditionally kept in bamboo cages. What’s more, there’s actually a Buddhist temple that raises thousands of Bell Crickets each year, so that people can go there to meditate to the melodious sound of Bell Cricket chirps. It sounds divine to me!

Mole Cricket (Family Gryllotalpidae)

Mole crickets are remarkable little critters, adapted perfectly to a life underground. They use their powerful shovel-like front legs to dig rapidly in the dirt, excavating tunnels in search of food such as roots, grasses and worms. The males will construct horn-shaped tunnels and then chirp inside them, so the tunnels resonate the sound of the chirping. This means while you may never have seen a mole cricket before, you’ve likely heard one without realizing! Mole crickets do occasionally leave the earth, however, and can fly or even swim, if needed. Generally they come to the surface at night, so if you’re particularly lucky, you may get to see one!

Mantis (Order Mantodea)

The mantis is a mighty ambush predator, stalking their prey before seizing them with their spiked, raptorial forelegs, using lightning-speed reflexes. They have huge compound eyes, and their heads can turn 180 degrees as they survey the world for food. They feed upon many insects, and can even take down hummingbirds and rodents! Their hunger will sometimes even extend to eating their own kind; it’s not unheard of for female mantises to consume the heads of the males after mating. This is perhaps not as terrible as it sounds; the male’s sacrifice helps provide nourishment for his future offspring. Still, I must admit, if I am to be reborn as a mantis in the next life, I’d probably prefer to be born a female mantis.

Orchid Mantis (Hymenopus coronatus)

This resplendent mantis is perfectly disguised as a white and pink flower, down to the very petal shape itself! The camouflage helps protect it from predators as well as draw in potential prey. The mantis lies in wait among the bushes and flowers for an unsuspecting butterfly or other insect to wander by, and then snatches it up. Such deadly beauty– a clever mistress of blossoms! These mantises are so skilled at disguise, they can even gradually change color to reflect their environment. To be honest, I feel a certain kinship with the orchid mantis’ camouflaging ways. Perhaps someday I will master the art of flower mimicry, just as they have!

Honey Bee (Genus Apis)

The humble honeybee, a hard-working partner of ours for thousands of years. Cave paintings up to 10,000 years old show people eating honey, and beekeeping in clay pots began around 9,000 years ago in Africa. Because of this long-term relationship, we know quite a lot about our buzzing friends. For example, bees communicate with each other through the medium of dance! When a worker bee finds a great patch of flowers and wishes to tell her sisters about it, she returns to the hive and performs a waggle dance. The dance tells the bees the direction of the flower patch and its distance from the hive. As an artist, I can empathize with the bees. Words often pale in comparison with other methods of expression. Truly, the bees are not only diligent workers but brilliant performance artists.

Wasp (Polistes rothneyi)

Wasps! One of the most misunderstood and amazing families of insects to exist! Did you know there are over 30,000 species of wasps? They come in all shapes and sizes, from the fairy wasps that are around the size of an amoeba to the massive asian giant hornets that are almost two inches long. While some are well-known for constructing papery or mud nests and living in hives, many other species are solitary and live in single, tiny burrows. As a whole, wasps tend to be predatory, preying on a wide range of insects, including many species considered harmful to crops. Wasps also dine upon nectar, however, and can be important plant pollinators. It’s difficult to try and summarize the sheer variety and glory of wasps, but know that they play vital roles in the ecosystem and are truly wondrous creatures!

Robust Cicada (Hyalessa maculaticollis)

Aaaah, the sweet, sonorous cicada. Nothing quite says “summer” like the hypnotic sound of cicadas singing. Cicadas are well-known for their loud, rhythmic songs, but how do they make these sounds? The answer is the tymbals– drum-like organs in the abdomen that males flex back and forth. The sound then reverberates throughout the cicada’s abdomen, magnifying the sound. Robust Cicadas in particular are known for their especially loud chirps. I find these musicians to be deeply inspiring, and it’s always a transcending experience to hold witness to one of their performances!

Gaint Cicada (Cryptotympana holsti)

Did you know that cicadas are seen as symbols of rebirth and immortality in Chinese lore? Just as the cicada lives underground for many, many years and then rises, reborn from the dirt, we hope to emulate such glory. Cicadas were also seen as creatures of high status, as they subsist on dew and perch upon their thrones in the treetops. Because of this symbolism, Chinese royalty has borrowed fashion ideas from the great cicada. Even their crowns were decorated with the image of a cicada, eyes shining bright! A fitting homage to this noble bug.

Brown Cicada (Graptopsaltria nigrofuscata)

While most cicadas have transparent wings, the Brown Cicada sports opaque, brown wings, so it’s pretty easy to recognize. Another recognizable trait is their cry, which is often compared to the sound of hot oil sizzling. These bugs are fond of sipping the sap of trees, including fruit trees. As a result, some people consider the Brown Cicada a pest. Hah! Imagine having the audacity to call these little marvels a pest! The cicadas are only doing what comes natural to any of us– eating to survive. I’ll gladly share the fruit trees with my insect brethren for that.

Evening Cicada (Tanna japonensis)

The males of Evening Cicadas sing a mournful song in the mornings, at dusk, or when the weather turns cool or cloudy. Among the many different cicadas, the sorrowful song of the Evening Cicada is possibly my favorite. But why do cicadas sing? Are they expressing some deep-felt sentiment? Actually, yes. They are expressing perhaps one of the most deep-felt sentiments there can be; loneliness. Evening Cicadas, as well as their cicada relatives, are calling for a mate. Males usually pack into rather large groups and call together, creating quite a large collective sound. Females can hear these calls from around a mile away! It’s a nice thought that because of their mournful cries, the Evening Cicadas are able to happily unite with each other.

Walker Cicada (Meimuna opalifera)

While some cicadas are associated with summer, the song of the Walker Cicada traditionally marks the end of summer and the start of autumn. It has a very characteristic cry, which in Japan is heard as “Tsukutsuku … boushi!” However, the song of this species actually differs depending on the region it is in. That’s right– insects have dialects! Speaking of dialects, the Walker Cicada is actually native to China, but it’s believed it hitched a ride on wooden brooms and was imported to Japan. Now it’s widespread in both countries, in addition to Korea and Taiwan. I wonder what a Walker Cicada would sound like with an Australian dialect? Or an Indian one?

Cicada Shell

This is truly a treasure– a perfectly intact cicada shell! These shells are proof of a wondrous transformation that cicadas undergo. You see, it all begins when a female deposits an egg in a little groove on a tree. The young feed on the fluids of the tree for a while before dropping to the ground and digging their way to safety. They then spend years underground, exploring the depths and dining on roots. Eventually, the young rise from the soil, finally seeing daylight once more, and climb the trunk of a tree. There, they shed their skins, emerging as glorious, winged adults! This shell represents their touching life journey. I hope that it might inspire you, as it does for me.

Darner Dragonfly (Anax parthenope)

Dragonflies are one of my favorite species! Did you know dragonflies were some of the very first winged insects to evolve and have been around for millions of years? Ancient dragonflies had wingspans of up to two feet long! The Darner Dragonfly isn’t that large, of course, but it’s still an impressive creature. They’re powerful predators, capturing their prey mid-flight, kind of making them the hawks of the insect world. Their flying skills are fantastic, and they can fly in all directions, hover, and even fly backwards, so they have unparalleled agility. Because they hunt by sight, they also have amazing eyes, among the best in the insect kingdom; they have up to 30,000 lenses in those enormous compound eyes pointing in all directions, and can detect light in color spectrums well beyond what we can see. If you want to have some fun, just sit back and watch the dragonflies hunt for a while!

Red Dragonfly (Sympetrum frequens)

Ever wonder why dragonflies are usually found near water? They love to hunt in these environments, snatching up and devouring midges, mosquitoes, moths and many others. But dragonflies are also fond of ponds and lakes because those are their breeding grounds. You see, dragonfly larvae are aquatic. The female lays her eggs on plants near the water or will skim the surface of the water with her abdomen, dropping eggs into the water. The nymphs that hatch are active, hungry hunters, devouring mosquito larvae, other aquatic insects or worms, and even tadpoles and small fish. The nymphs enjoy their aquatic lifestyle for a long time, up to five years, occasionally climbing onto a reed to shed their old skins and grow, before eventually molting one last time into a winged adult. Because of their reliance on these ecosystems, dragonflies are great indicators of the health of our wetlands!

Banded Dragonfly (Anotogaster sieboldii)

There has been a very wide range of associations with dragonflies among different cultures. European cultures have historically viewed dragonflies in a very negative light; some have called them “devil’s darning needles” and folklore casts them in villainous roles. Fortunately, other cultures view dragonflies in a very positive way. They are celebrated in some Native American crafts and may symbolize pure water or swiftness; in Japan, dragonflies are strong symbols of courage, luck and happiness, as well as signs of autumn’s arrival. Dragonflies have been used in traditional medicine as well as for food, so some cultures simply associate them with a meal. It’s actually really hard to summarize the many different ways people view dragonflies. Personally, I admire dragonflies’ incredible flying and hunting talents, their sheer beauty, and their tenacious spirits. What do dragonflies mean to you?

Damselfly(Ischnura senegalensis)

The Damselfly is a close relative to the dragonfly, but damselflies tend to be smaller, thinner, and hold their wings along their body at rest. You can also tell by looking at their eyes; damselfly eyes are always separated while most dragonfly eyes are touching. Like the dragonfly, damselflies are talented predators, nabbing flies, mosquitoes, moths and others right out of the air or plucking them off of plants. Males display elaborate courtship dances to impress females. If the male is successful, the damselflies will mate in a complex shape called a mating heart or mating wheel– which is the shape their abdomens make when they curl around each other. The female then lays eggs along the stems of underwater plants. The young that hatch live under water, breathing through feathery gills on their abdomens and feeding on aquatic insects, sometimes molting so they can grow larger. When they’re ready, they immerge from the water and cast off their old skin to immerge as graceful, lithe adults. The coloration of dragonflies and damselflies can range from just about every color of the rainbow, and they often shimmer beautifully in the sun. The next time you’re by a pond or marsh, keep an eye out for these quick, flittering gems!

Firefly (Family Lampyridae)

Fireflies are appealing little beetles with an extraordinary ability: a beautiful bioluminescence located on their backsides. The lights that fireflies produce are chemical reactions that take place inside their transparent abdomens. This light is cool to the touch and is yellow-green in color. Fireflies control their luminescence at will, and will flicker their lights in rhythmic patterns that are unique to each species. This helps males and females locate each other for mating. While many fireflies feed on pollen and nectar, some are carnivorous. Sometimes, females of these carnivorous fireflies will use light signals to their advantage, mimicking the patterns of particular firefly species simply to lure them in so they can eat them. These are femme fatale fireflies, so males need to be careful of them– the mesmerizing displays of fireflies can be a complicated language!

Pondskater (Family Gerridae)

This graceful bug skates effortlessly across the surface of the water, a magnificent feat that us silly vertebrates can only dream of. The pondskater’s body is carefully built to transfer their weight perfectly across their long, slender legs, which are lined with hairs that help repel water. The insects will row across the water with their middle legs and steer with their back legs. Their front legs are shorter and have claws, to help them seize insects that have fallen into the water. They pierce their prey with a proboscis to feed– all while staying on the surface of the water! Pondskaters do pretty much everything on top of the water, even mating. They communicate with other pondskaters by creating ripples in the water; some ripple frequencies are threatening signals while others are mating signals. They are truly masters of their craft. I’d prefer to watch the pondskaters’ dances rather than an ice skater any time!

Giant Water Bug (Family Belostomatidae)

The Giant Water Bug is indeed very large– the largest true bug, which can grow to be around four inches long! They have flattened, oval bodies, with oarlike back legs for swimming and raptorial front legs that are designed for seizing prey. They also have tubes on their abdomen that they breathe through, much like a snorkel. Water Bugs stalk and capture a wide variety of prey, including fish, frogs, and insects, and may even grab turtles and snakes! Once they capture something, they inject it with venomous saliva, then wait for their food to digest before sucking up the liquefied remains. Although these bugs are efficient and aggressive predators, they’re also caring parents; in some species, the female will lay her eggs on the back of the male, and the father will carry them about until they hatch! It’s nice to see father insects taking an active role in parenting as well.

Diving Beetle (Family Dytiscidae)

Diving Beetles are sleek, flat beetles that cruise through the water with ease, using their powerful, hairy back legs to paddle.  Although they’re aquatic they still need to breathe air, and actually store air bubbles under their wing cases before diving, breathing the air through tubes in their abdomens. The Diving Beetle is an active predator, hunting a wide variety of prey including insects, tadpoles and fish. The young of Diving Beetles are also carnivorous predators, and are sometimes called Water Tigers. When the larvae are ready, they bury themselves in the mud to pupate, and immerge as adults. Adult Diving Beetles are surprisingly very capable fliers, and will take off at night in search of new watery habitats. They search for the bright reflection of moonlight bouncing off of bodies of water to help guide them. If you ever find Diving Beetles in a small pond or puddle and wonder how they got there, that’s how!

Stink Bug (Family Pentatomidae)

Aww, a Stink Bug! I love these fellahs. Stink Bugs are a great example of true bugs. Technically speaking, a lot of things we call bugs aren’t really bugs. All bugs are insects, but not all insects are bugs! So what makes a true bug? Well, true bugs like Stink Bugs have beaklike mouthparts called proboscises. They use them to pierce plants (or animals!) and suck up their food. Unlike butterfly or honeybee mouthparts, true bugs can’t roll up their proboscises. True bugs also often produce a pungent defensive spray, like Stink Bugs! People argue over what stink bug spray actually smells like– some say it’s very earthy, others call it woody or oily, and some say it’s bitter and fruity. Although it’s designed to ward off predators, I have to admit I’ve grown quite fond of the smell.

Man-Faced Stink Bug (Catacanthus incarnatus)

The markings of the Man-Faced Stink Bug are bright and colorful, and some people think these markings look like a face. With such an appealing, dramatic appearance, you’d expect these bugs to be popular pets, but actually, people have had a little difficulty raising them in captivity. The challenge is in raising the nymphs. What exactly are nymphs? Well, some insects undergo what’s called complete metamorphosis– for example, butterflies first hatch as caterpillars, then transform into pupae before immerging as adults. Other insects, such as stink bugs, undergo incomplete metamorphosis. Their young are not grubs, but instead are nymphs, which are basically miniature versions of the adults. Our hope is to eventually raise these baby Man-Faced Stink Bugs to full adulthood. If we succeed, we can share the joy of stink bugs with more people!

Ladybug (Family Coccinellidae)

These bright red little beetles actually come in a variety of colors with a variety of spots or stripes. Many cultures consider the ladybug a symbol of good luck, and if one lands upon you, good fortune is sure to find you. Part of the reason they are seen as lucky may be because of their voracious appetites for aphids. You see, aphids are tiny little bugs that love to eat people’s crops, but ladybugs eat aphids by the hundreds and help keep crops safe. Thus, some cultures consider ladybugs to be a divine gift. Next time a ladybug lands upon you, try making a wish. Whether you get the wish or not, you’ll be blessed by the presence of this charming little friend!

Tiger Beetle (Subfamily Cicindelinae)

Tiger Beetles are named because they are powerful predators of the beetle world. But it might be more accurate to call them Cheetah Beetles! The fastest Tiger Beetle can run 5 miles per hour, or 120 body lengths per second. A Cheetah, in comparison, can only run 16 body lengths per second– so when you really think about it, Tiger Beetles are the clear winners. In fact, Tiger Beetles move so fast they have to stop in the middle of running several times to reorient their vision before running again. Even when stopping in the middle of a chase, the beetles have no problem capturing their prey!

Citrus Long-Horned Beetle (Anoplophora chinensis)

The Citrus Long-Horned Beetle has a glossy black body with white spots, and has an impressively long pair of antenna. You’re likely to find it hanging out among the trees, as it’s fond of dining upon the leaves, stems and bark of a wide range of tree species, including citrus and hardwood trees. The females will drill little holes into the bark of a tree to carefully deposit her eggs, one at a time. When the eggs hatch, the larvae will dig into the tree, feeding on the nutritious inner bark. To be truthful, the Citrus Long-Horned Beetle is not very popular among a lot of people, because it’s capable of killing many healthy trees when it feeds and reproduces. Of course, there are natural enemies of these beetles that can help keep populations in check, such as parasites, ants and fungi. Nature does try to keep things in balance!

Violin Beetle (Mormolyce phyllodes)

This elegant beetle has a very narrow neck and head, a wide, flat body and marvelously curved wings, looking very much like a tiny violin. In truth, it is probably not imitating a violin but a brown leaf, which helps it blend in with its environment and avoid predators. Its flat body also helps it slip in between layers of mushrooms and tree bark, where it actively hunts for other insects, especially larvae. If startled, this beetle can release toxic fluid as a defense. This is likely to deter anything that tries to stuff it into their mouths! The Violin Beetle lives in tropical rainforests in Malaysia and other islands, and is threatened by the destruction of its habitat. We must strive to preserve our rainforests so precious creatures such as the Violin Beetle can thrive.

Jewel Beetle (Chrysochroa fulgidissima)

This dazzling little beetle is named after the splendid jewel-like shine to its exoskeleton. This coloration is known as iridescence, and the colors shift depending on how you look at them. Like little drops of sunlight, Jewel Beetles are so prized among people that their shells have been used in jewelry and other crafts. There is also an expression in Japan, tamamushi-iro, that refers to the ever-shifting colors of the Jewel Beetle, and the term can also refer to language that can be interpreted in multiple ways. Personally, I draw a great amount of artistic inspiration from the Jewel Beetle, and from my efforts to capture their ever-changing rainbows of power and vitality!

Rosalia Batesi Beetle (Rosalia batesi)

This enchanting long-horned beetle is a beautiful shade of blue, is covered in black polka dots and sports an impressive pair of antenna that can be almost twice as long as its body. Its entire body is also covered in a velvety, fine hair, including cute little tufts of hair on the antenna. The adults enjoy eating pollen, fruits and sap, while the larvae rely on dead wood for food. While Rosalia Batesi bothers some people because it may feed on crops, many people adore this beetle for its attractive appearance, and it’s commonly featured on stamps and other designs. I think if we all learn to share the land and its bounties, then we can be very happy to share the world with this sprightly spirit of the forest.

Blue Weevil Beetle (Genus Eupholus)

The Blue Weevil Beetle comes in many stunning shades of blue and green, and are so bright and beautiful that some people will use them for jewelry. But beware! These sparkling hues are actually warning signals! The Blue Weevil uses its long beak to bore into leaves, and builds up toxins in its body as it feeds. Anyone who’s hoping to chow down on these effervescent insects will end up getting poisoned. It’s far better to respect and admire the Blue Weevil than to eat it!

Dung Beetle (Familes Geotrupidae, Scarabaeidae)

Dung Beetles come from a number of insect groups, including the earth-boring dung beetles, the scarab beetles, and the small dung beetles. What they all have in common is that they feed upon dung!  This is an incredibly important job, believe it or not. Without dung beetles and other feces-feeding insects, we might be buried up to our necks in animal droppings! The Dung Beetles break down these wastes and return nutrients back to the earth, recycling these materials. Many of them do this by shaping dung into a carefully compacted ball, balancing on top of it, and rolling it away to a safe place so they can feed. Dung Beetles like to roll in straight lines with their balls, and they use the sun and moon to help them navigate– and even the bright stripe of the Milky Way! It’s no wonder many cultures respect and even revere this talented beetle.

Earth-Boring Dung Beetle (Family Geotrupidae)

Like some of their scarab brethren, the Earth-Boring Dung Beetle has a glittering, jewel-like luster to its exoskeleton. This is a very special kind of color! Unlike most colors in the animal kingdom, called pigments, the shells of Earth-Boring Dung Beetles are colored by iridescence, or teeny, tiny structures that bounce light in a particular pattern. The result is stunning to gaze upon! As these beetles spend much time burrowing into the soil, spotting them is truly like finding buried treasure.

Scarab Beetle (Family Scarabaeidae)  

The sacred scarab! Truly, you are fortunate to have come upon one of these little deities. You see, scarab beetles were revered by the ancient Egyptians. When the scarabs rolled balls of dung for their precious young to feast upon, the Egyptians saw them as symbolically pushing the orb of the sun across the sky. In fact, the Egyptian sun God, Ra, was believed to have taken the form of a scarab beetle, named Khepri, and pushed the sun across the sky just like a ball of dung. The Egyptians even placed amulets shaped like scarab beetles over the hearts of mummies to protect them in the afterlife. Scarabs are protectors, bringers of light and of life itself!  

Drone Beetle (Pseudotorynorrhina japonica)

These handsome creatures are a type of scarab beetle, a powerful group of beetles revered by the ancient Egyptians as sacred. The antennae of scarabs are special, and can be folded out gracefully like a fan to better detect odors, or folded back up into a club shape to serve as a weapon! We can only dream of possessing appendages so adaptable and so magnificent in design!

Goliath Beetle (Genus Goliathus)

This mighty beetle is named after the legendary giant Goliath, and it’s easy to see why. This beetle can grow over four inches long, making it one of the largest beetles in the world! It also can weigh over three ounces when it’s a larva, although the adults are only around half that weight. The reason for the difference is because the larvae gorge themselves on decayed leaves, wood and proteins, preparing for their metamorphosis. As adults, they enjoy a lighter diet of tree sap, fruit juices and other sugary substances. To help with foraging, each of this beetle’s legs ends in a pair of hooked claws that are great for climbing and clinging to trees. If one of these beetles happens to attach itself to you with these feet, you’ll need to gently guide them off. If you just grab and pull, the claws might remain attached, and we don’t want their little feetsies to get hurt!

Horned Elephant (Megasoma elephas)

This hefty beast is absolutely gigantic when compared to most beetles– in fact, it’s one of the heaviest beetles in the world. Males have big horns on their heads, which they use mainly to battle with other males for mating privileges. Another feature you might have missed is that their bodies are covered in fine, delicate hairs, making the beetles appear yellow in color. Sometimes, when I’m feeling anxious, I, uh … I pet the Horned Elephant beetles. It’s very soothing. You should try it sometime!

Horned Dynastid (Allomyrina dichotoma)

These proud warriors have heads shaped like a samurai helmet, and make good use of those horns for battle and for digging. While embroiled in territory disputes, a male Dynastid can actually launch its competitor straight into the air! When they aren’t fighting, they can be found calmly hanging out on trees, sipping sap or drinking from ripe fruits. Their young live underground, eat rotting wood, and take a long time to mature– around a year. Then they immerge, as a fresh new batch of warriors of the woods!

Horned Atlas (Chalcosoma atlas)

The Atlas Beetle is named after a titan from Greek Mythology who held up the heavens on his shoulders. The comparison to a Greek God is appropriate, as the Horned Atlas can reach sizes of up to five inches long and can carry hundreds of times its own weight. That makes it one of the strongest animals on the planet, for its size! Personally, it would not surprise me if we found out that a great celestial Atlas Beetle has been holding up the skies all of this time.

Horned Hercules (Dynastes hercules)

The Hercules beetle is named in honor of the roman god Hercules, famed for his great strength and heroic feats. I can think of no greater name for this heroic beetle. The Horned Hercules can carry up to 850 times its own weight, and can grow to be 7 inches in length, making it the longest species of beetle in the whole world. A lot of that length is in its massive horn, which males use to challenge each other to win the affections of female beetles. Once they have mated, these massive beetles produce, as you could guess, massive babies. In fact, the young of Hercules beetles are probably the largest larvae in the world!

Rainbow Stag (Phalacrognathus muelleri)

Oh! My eyes have been blessed, to be allowed to gaze upon the splendor of the Rainbow Stag. This beetle appears to change color depending on the angle you view it, shifting from emerald greens to ruby reds to glittering gold, all with a luscious metallic sheen. This magnificent color fades when the beetle dies, just as a rainbow will fade in the sky. I like to think the Rainbow Stag reminds us of the ephemeral nature of beauty and life, and teaches us to value things while we can.

Golden Stag (Allotopus rosenbergi)

The Golden Stag’s exoskeleton is a breathtaking, metallic gold, making it highly prized by bug lovers and collectors. The shimmering beetles live in tropical jungles at high altitudes, using their short, sturdy mandibles to dig into wood and dine upon tree sap. Collectors have struggled to breed this stag in captivity, as it’s sensitive to temperatures and the young have strict dietary requirements. However, in recent times, there has been more success with captive breeding. Personally, I derive deep joy and satisfaction simply basking in this creature’s presence, regardless of how long it lasts. Come. Let us enjoy this golden moment together.

Cyclommatus Stag (Genus Cyclommatus)

The mandibles of this stag beetle are staggering, often as long as their body. These amazing jaws are used to mine tree sap as well as fight other stag beetles for the right to mate. In fact, males will often throw each other off of trees in their competitions! However, do not be too intimidated by the Cyclommatus Stag; it can be tender as well. They chew through decaying wood to lovingly craft a home for their young. I’ve actually been considering taking inspiration from this stag and adding more rotting wood to my bedroom. I think it would give it a cozy touch.

Miyama Stag (Lucanus maculifemoratus)

This handsome stag has a thick, bumpy exoskeleton and powerful-looking mandibles. However, despite its tough appearance, the Miyama is a gentle beast. In truth, you can easily injure one if you mishandle it, so care should be taken when interacting with this delicate soul. Miyamas are popular with children, and are widespread in their native lands, in both mountainous places as well as plains. Actually, one of my very first friends was a Miyama Stag. They helped me learn the deep and mysterious art of communication with insectkind. Thus, I will always have a soft spot for these gentle giants.

Saw Stag (Prosopocoilus inclinatus)

Saw Stags are popular pets in their homeland, and it’s easy to see why. Those handsome reddish brown shells, those magnificent saw-like mandibles, those curious little eyes, those hook-like claws! As they grow, that pair of jaws grows along with them, gaining more teeth and a larger curve. You needn’t fear, though; this beetle is unlikely to bite you unless you stick your finger directly into its mouth. In fact, when this beetle feels vibrations, it may freeze and feign death as a defense mechanism. They clearly prefer to avoid a fight unless it’s necessary. The Saw Stags that I take care of certainly will never have a reason to fight– I spoil them rotten with all the bananas and beetle jelly they could possibly want!

Giant Stag (Dorcus Hopei Binodulosus)

The Giant Stag is probably the most popular stag to keep as a pet! They’re very large, docile, easy to breed, and live quite long for a stag beetle, up to five years! People also find their mandibles to be very appealing, which have a single tooth on either side. They will rarely use these jaws to bite, unless you go out of your way to bother them. In fact, these are shy beetles, and they will spend a lot of their time just hiding away in holes inside of trees. They will peacefully sip tree saps and fruits, and prefer to be active at night. In the wild, Giant Stag populations have decreased due to over collection, although fortunately people are turning more and more to breeding in order to keep wild populations safe. This serves as an important reminder– bugs need to be treated with care and respect, even when we’re acting out of love!

*Giaraffe Stag

Walking Stick (Order Phasmatodea)

Walking Sticks are excellent examples of the art of camouflage in its purest form. Not only do they mimic twigs and branches, all the way down to the very knots in the wood, but as they walk, they mimic the sway of branches in the breeze. They have truly become one with their environment. I hope to achieve this level of focus in my own life someday, as I surround myself with all that is arthropod.

Walking Leaf (Family Phylliidae)

These incredible insects have taken camouflage to the next level. Their bodies so closely resemble leaves that they include the veins and even nibble-marks on leaves, and they can even fool leaf-eating insects! As they walk, they sway back and forth, imitating a leaf blowing in the breeze. They enjoy munching on leaves, because the Walking Leaf not only disguises itself as leaves, but eats them as well. They are truly immersed in leafhood.

Bagworm (Family Psychidae)

Bagworms are not really worms, but are the caterpillars of a special kind of moth. These charming little larvae construct themselves beautiful 'bags’ made out of silk and bits of things they find in the environment– twigs, leaves, lichens, sand, and even bits of plastic! They wear these protective bags as disguises as they crawl about and feed on leaves or lichens. When they’re ready to pupate, the bags serve as the perfect cocoon! Males will immerge from the case and spread their wings and fly away. Females, however, are a different story. Bagworm females often are wingless, and may spend the rest of their lives inside their childhood casings. Males will visit the females in their bags to breed. Imagine being so attached to your mobile home that you never leave! Considering how artistic some of these bags are, I guess I can’t blame them.

Ant (Family Formicidae)

The extraordinary ant, a species that has existed for millions of years and currently lives in all corners of the globe. These creatures form complex colonies, often made up of hundreds or thousands of individuals, and have a division of labor: worker ants, soldier ants, fertile male drones, and an egg-laying queen ant. It would be erroneous to think of ants in individual terms, as really, individual ants come together to form a super-organism, the ant colony. They always cooperate for the wellbeing of the colony as a whole. Individual ants are marvelously talented in the ways of chemical communication, and they produce all kinds of scents to help communicate with their sisters; signals to signify food, warnings signals for enemies, and so forth. This is how ants are able to act together as a group. With this kind of communal power, ants can accomplish amazing things. They’ve been known to build bridges with their own bodies for their sisters to cross; some species will create and tend to underground fungus gardens; other species will herd and tend to honeydew-producing aphids as if they were tending cattle! Ants teach is something very important– the power of cooperation.

Hermit Crab (Superfamily Paguroidea)

O-oh! It’s a Hermit Crab! These aren’t insects, but they are arthropods. What defines an arthropod is that they are invertebrates with segmented bodies and jointed limbs, as well as a chitinous exoskeleton. That means Hermit Crabs and insects are relatives! And they’re very charming relatives, too. Hermit Crabs have ten legs, inquisitive stalk eyes, and soft bodies protected by a shell. But these crabs don’t grow their own shells! Instead, they borrow empty shells they happens to find, which are often sea snail shells. As this type of crab ages and grows larger, it must find new, larger shells to borrow. Sometimes, when a Hermit Crab is looking for a new shell, and finds one that’s too large, it will sit and wait by the large shell. Other hermit crabs will pass by and join the first, waiting in an orderly line. Then, when a Hermit Crab passes by that is a perfect fit for the shell, all the crabs will quickly exchange shells in sequence! All that shell-trading may be a lot of work, but in the end, it’s worth it for such a cozy home.

Fly (Musca domestica)

Aah, the common house fly. While this species of insect is rarely adored by people, the fly still has plenty of things to admire. This little scavenger plays an important role in breaking down wastes and organic matter, returning them to the earth. But the fly feeds on liquids, so how does it eat feces, carrion and rotting fruits or vegetation? Well, it regurgitates saliva from its stomach, which helps dissolve the food, and then sucks it up! You might also have observed that flies like to wander around a piece of food quite a bit before feeding. They’re likely tasting the food with their feet! This is also why you can often see flies carefully cleaning their feet. They need to stay tidy so their taste and tactile receptors work well. True, the fly can transfer diseases to human food by landing on something contaminated and then landing on human food. Yet there’s no denying they still play an important role in waste disposal– not to mention a vital role in the food web, as they’re food for many, many animals!

Mosquito (Family Culicidae)

Little mosquito, oh how your reputation precedes you. This tiny fly is known for being a blood-sucker, but did you know only the females suck blood? The males feed upon nectar. The females seek a blood meal so they can produce eggs. Female mosquitoes are able to narrow in on a person or animal by detecting body heat and the carbon dioxide of their breath. The mosquito then lands, inserts her long proboscis, and injects saliva into her target to help with blood flow, and feeds until she’s all filled up. The itchy bite that she leaves behind is actually because of the mosquito’s saliva. Now, mosquitoes can transmit some bad diseases when they bite people, there’s no denying. But mosquitoes are also very useful to scientists, who study the germs that can live inside mosquitoes. By studying them, we can learn to better control the diseases that they can cause.

Flea (Order Siphonaptera)

Fleas are teeny, tiny parasites that hunger for a blood meal. They have smooth, flattened bodies that help them move through fur or feathers with ease, hooked claws to help them cling to their hosts, and extremely powerful hind legs for jumping. A flea’s jump is incredible, and they can propel themselves around 200 times their own body length, making them one of the best jumpers in the world. While many flea species are very picky about their hosts, some fleas are generalists and may feed upon a variety of animals. Females will lay their eggs on the skin or the bedding of their host animals, and they will produce hundreds to thousands of eggs in their lifetime. The eggs hatch into little wiggling larvae that feed upon organic matter and their parents’ feces. When they mature into adults and take a blood meal, they can mate and begin the cycle anew. I can understand why people wouldn’t be terribly fond of fleas feeding on them, but luckily for me, fleas don’t care for reptile blood.

Snail (Phylum Mollusca, Class Gastropoda)

Our slithering, slime-coated companions are not actually insects! Instead, snails are mollusks, close relatives of clams, oysters and other shellfish. They have soft, mucous-coated bodies– the underside of the snail is actually one big 'foot’ of sorts that pulses rhythmically to propel the snail forward. The slime that coats a snail helps it glide efficiently along the ground, and also stick to surfaces. Additionally, this slime helps protect snails from a number of hazards, such as harsh sunlight, sharp objects, and even bacteria! I’m actually a little jealous. Being coated in slime has an awful lot of benefits, as it turns out!

Pill Bug (Order Isopoda, family Armadillidiidae)

Oh yes, the Pill Bug is something special! They’re actually not bugs at all but land-dwelling crustaceans– related to crabs, lobsters, and shrimp. They still retain their fondness for damp environments, so you’ll often see them under rocks or in tree stumps. In these wonderfully wet and dark places, they go about their business, eating decaying plant material and playing a vital role in decomposition and returning nutrients to our great earth. If you try to pick one up, it’s likely to roll into a ball– its plated armor allows it to curl into this protective posture. Wait a little while, and the Pill Bug may stop feeling shy and uncurl again, and you might get the chance to feel its many little legs walking in a gentle rhythm. It kind of tickles!

Wharf Roach(Ligia exotica)

Wharf Roaches are not actually cockroaches– they’re not even insects, but instead are isopods, relatives of crabs and lobsters. They love to wander along rocky coastlines and harbor walls, and scavenge organic debris and algaes, acting as little beach cleaners. You might already be familiar with a close cousin of the Wharf Roach, the Pill Bug. There are some quick and easy ways to tell them apart, though. The Wharf Roach doesn’t roll into a ball, and the Wharf Roach has large, bulging eyes and lovely, long antenna. Another fun fact about Wharf Roaches is that often, the females will carry around their eggs, holding onto them with specialized egg-carrying appendages. If you have appendages custom-made for parental care, you know you’re gonna be good with children!

Centipede (Scolopendra subspinipes)

My multilegged little marcher! The name 'centipede’ means '100 legs,’ but a centipede doesn’t actually have exactly 100 legs. Instead, it has anywhere from 30 to 354 legs, with one pair of legs per body segment. But because they always have an odd number of leg pairs, they never reach 100 exactly. Centipedes also have a pair of modified legs on their heads called forcipules, which inject venom into their prey. Be careful when interacting with centipedes, though! The centipede may bite more than just prey– it can bite anyone that it feels may be threatening them. This bite isn’t usually fatal, just painful, but it does mean you should respect the centipede’s boundaries, as with any creature. While centipedes can be aggressive, they can also be very kind; a large number of centipedes are very attentive mothers, wrapping their bodies around their eggs and remaining until they hatch. That tender, maternal embrace … those baby centipedes are very lucky to grow up so loved!

Spider (Order Araneae)

The bewitching arachnid! With their eight legs and eight eyes, their fang-tipped chelicerae and their wriggling pedipalps, how could you not fall in love? Spiders can produce silk, an amazing substance that’s flexible yet strong, and very versatile– they often use it to weave wondrous webs they wander like wizards, detecting the faintest vibrations when an insect has been captured. Other spiders are ambush predators, and can chase prey down at great speeds. Whatever method a spider chooses, they are truly masters of the hunt.

Scorpion (Order Scorpiones)

Behold, the scorpion! This dapper predator is an arachnid, which means it has eight legs and two body segments. Scorpions also have pinchers for grabbing prey and tails with venomous stingers. Fear not, however! Of the 2,000 or so scorpion species, while all are venomous, only a handful of about 25 or so have venom that is any real danger to humans. Even with those species, if you treat them with care, you should be safe and sound. The truth is, scorpions simply want to go about their lives, roaming around at night and finding insects to eat. They’re excellent hunters, and also excellent eaters! They can eat a great deal in one sitting and store food, so they can survive for long periods without food if needed. Scorpions are also caring parents. The females give live birth, carefully cradle their newborns, and then carry their babies on their backs. It’s honestly adorable.

Tarantula (Family Theraphosidae)

I’m told that a lot of people fear this sublime arachnid, due to its imposing size and its many legs. But tarantulas are actually very gentle, easygoing spiders, overall. While they do have venomous bites, those bites usually aren’t any worse than a bee sting. In fact, you should be more careful about their urticating hairs– that is, itchy hairs on their abdomens that they will fling at predators that frighten them. If you don’t give the tarantula a reason to fear, though, then they will leave you alone too. Actually, quite a few people keep tarantulas as pets. They like to dine upon insects, although they’ll occasionally eat larger things, like frogs, mice and even birds. Tarantulas are very good at sneaking up on their prey because each of their legs are tipped with furry, adorable little paws, which help them climb and sense their prey. Eight little fluffy paws! That’s four times the adorableness that cats and dogs have!

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Aug 13, 2020.

[deniigi]

I can’t remember which fic it was in, but I remember in one of them, may mentioned that she was thinking of getting peter a cat??? That would be super cute to read.

Ooooh.

I like it.

—–

“Close your eyes.”

“No.”

“Peter, close your fucking eyes.”

“No, no I have suffered once. I will not suffer again.”

Jefferson thought it was very cute that Tats’s MJ was tallerthan him. Miles and Gwen were dying,though, and needed minding so as not to spoil the surprise, so he couldn’t fullyappreciate what was going on there.

“There are too many people here—you are all crafty, I trustno one,” Tats declared.

“I’ll drink to that,” B said.

It probably wasn’t the birthday party the kid wanted, but itwas the one that he got. Jeff honestly didn’t think any more people could fitin the tiny Parker residence and alarm bells around fire safety and generalclaustrophobia had been going off in his head since he’d got there.

Spiderpeople, he’d realized, were on the whole, very littlepeople. They thought nothing of cramming all in together. They practicallyhuddled for warmth as it was.

Except B. B was having a great time. B had brought his wife,who had snuggled herself very happily into his lap and who looked just like Blondie’s MJ who looked nothing like Tat’s Michelle. In almostevery department.

“Parker, Imma sit on your ass—” Michelle threatened Tats.

“Oooh, kinky, girl. People are here—”

“NED. DEAL WITH YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND.”

Oh. A twist.

“Peter, close your damn eyes already or we’re gonna haveWade do it for you,” a Filipino guy with zero tolerance for his partner’sdramatics said.

Deadpool waved at Tats with waggling fingers and Tatswrinkled his nose at him.

“I hate all of you. If you dump an ice bucket on me, I’mgonna freeze to death outta spite.”

“Close your—”

“They’re closed already!”

“Don’t peek!”

The kids were going to vibrate right out of their skins.Jefferson gently wrapped a hand over both of their faces so that they wouldn’tdo something stupid like start squealing the second May Parker came out fromone of the bedrooms. And with excellent foresight.

May Parker stuck her head through the living room’s slidingdoor to get the all-clear from Ned and Michelle and, this done, squeezed out throughthe crack in the door holding a tiny, pure black ball of fur. It looked aboutthe size of a softball.

It ruined thesurprise before Miles and Gwen could.

It’s little mew of distress sent Tats to his feet andeveryone screaming at him to sit down and keep his eyes closed.

“May, May, May, no,”he whimpered, once pushed back onto the couch.

“May, May, May, yes,”his aunt answered. Michelle leaned forward and cupped Tats’s hands for him and hestarted half-sobbing just at that.

The kitten was deposited. It mewed again, way loud for itstiny lungs.

“You can open your eyes,” May said.

Tats did and they were already wet.

“No,” he said, “No, hi baby.”

He held the little black ball of fur up to his face and thetiny kitten mewed and then batted at his nose.

“Hi,” he told it again, all breathy and making all hisfriends and family smile and wipe a little at their eyes.

“What’s her name?” he asked his aunt.

“Whatever you want it to be,” she said.

Tats stroked the top of the little ball of fluff painfullycarefully, so carefully it was like he wasn’t even touching it.

“Not Shadow, though, don’t be lame,” one of Tats’s Spiderkids said on the side. The Miles curled up next to her shoved then mugged ather. “What? It’s lame. You gottathink of the children.”

“M87” Tats said, interrupting them, but not taking his eyesoff the thing chewing on the edge of his thumb.

“Peter, no,” Michellegroaned just as Ned said, “Fucking ace,man.”

“You can’t name a cat after a black hole,” Michelle saidinto her hands.

What. That was. A thing?

“Wade named Bella after poison, and just look at her! She’sa void,” Tats said, beaming at the kitten. “We’ll call you ‘Matey-seven’ forshort.”

The kitten mewed as loud as she could and then startedmaking a teeny drumroll in her throat. And in an instant, it was like the soundhad grown five times in volume. It started to come in waves.

May was delighted by the sudden rumbling of her living room.She leaned down and put a kiss on the top of the kitten’s head and then on theside of her nephew’s.

“Happy Birthday, Pete,” she said. “And you too, Matey-seven.”

[themonkeycabal]

Do you have anything written with Peter/Spiderman yet?

No, sorry. Just one where Tony and Darcy are talking about him. I did write a thing where Darcy picks him up from school once, but I wrote that before Homecoming and he doesn’t sound right to me. 

I think I saw part of the Tony and Darcy one when I was tagging, but it was only like half. They’re arguing about the Sokovia Accords and Tony’s contemplating approaching Spider-Man. I shall post it for you if you like:

*

“They’re shit.”

Tony sighed and rubbed a hand across his jaw. “I don’t have a choice, kid.”

Darcy sighed right after him and lowered her forehead onto the table. “I know.”

“We’ll fix ‘em, but first I’ve got to get everybody on board. I know it sucks, I know they’re shit. But, damn it,” Tony snarled and thumped a fist on the armrest of his chair. “They’re going to go after Wanda.”

“Pietro?”

“Well, if he can ever breathe on his own again, yeah. Right now, he’s not a threat, but she is.”

“To the bad guys,” she said with a sour grumble.

“Sweetheart, not everybody sees things like you do. I wish they did.” He drummed his fingers on the table and twitched while he played a video file on the monitor mounted on the wall. “With the Inhumans, nobody’s thinking rationally right now.”

“Damn it,” Darcy muttered and raised her head to prop her chin on her hand. “I’m going to lose the fight on the Index issue.”

“For now,” he agreed. “For now we just have to keep everything from getting worse. I screwed up. I … screwed up.” He fell silent for a moment, but his nostrils flared and the lines around his eyes went tight. “But, I just need everybody to calm the fuck down, then …”

“But, if we set up something this rigid, then changing it’s gonna be hell.”

“Isn’t this why you studied Poli-sci? Isn’t this what you told me it was for? Working the politicians?” He shot her a tense, crooked smile. “I guess you’re up to bat.”

“Great.” She chewed on her lower lip and stared at the monitor. “So, who’s the kid?”

“I don’t know. You think he’s a kid?”

She scrunched up her nose and considered the video for a second and nodded. He was slender, but in a smallish, not-fully-grown way, rather than just a skinny dude. Like he was still growing into his arms and legs. “I think I want to steal his lunch money.”

“Yeah,” Tony said quietly, staring at the monitor and the figure in red swinging between two buildings in lower Manhattan. “Another damned kid.”

“Inhuman?”

“How do you tell from a distance? We’ve got a wackjob in red in Hell’s Kitchen — different guy in red. But, there’s that chick, too. The one who jumps. Weird shit going on over there. Stay out of the Kitchen, Darce.”

“Bucky lives there.”

Tony groaned and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “Damn it.”

“Hey, believe me, I don’t want to get into that. And I don’t want him involved in any of that shit, either. Mostly that feels like a mob war. I’m trying to get him to move to Brooklyn sooner rather than later.”

“SHIELD keeping an eye on that?”

“From a distance.”

“You?”

“Not me.”

“Good.”

“I’m good by not getting involved, honest. Besides the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen seems to be on top of it. Because that’s all comforting and shit. Let him and the cops handle it.” She thought of how that sounded, and winced a little. “It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that there’s so much other stuff going on.”

“Hey, we’re all spread thin.” He jerked his chin at the monitor. Grainy, jumpy ATM video of the red-suited kid dropping down off the side of a building onto a mugger. “Looks like we’ve got guys on the ground.”

“He looks like we should give him a sippy cup and a nap. Are you kidding?”

“He’s wearing a mask. You can’t tell that.”

“It’s his size, and how he moves. He’s young. Come on, you can tell.”

“I’m choosing to be in denial about this.” He flipped through a few more video files and pulled another up, the kid grabbing an out of control car before it could hit a dog-walker tangled in a half dozen leashes. “Strong.”

“Freakishly.”

“Hey.”

“That wasn’t judgmental. Geez, you’re sensitive today.”

“I think you’re right; that’s a kid.” He shoved his tablet aside, revealing a copy of the Daily Bugle; he slid it over to her. There was a distant shot of the guy on a water tower somewhere. The headline screamed 'Vigilante Menace Spreads to Mid-Town!’

“You want me to find him?” Darcy asked.

“No. I mean, yes, if you want to look for him. I’ve got Friday plotting a map of where he’s showing up most often. Mostly around Queens — Elmhurst, Rego Park, Forest Hills. He’s living somewhere in there.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t approach him. Let me.”

“If it’s a kid, maybe I’ll be less—”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he cut her off, “but I don’t want him on SHIELD’s radar yet.”

“Oh, yeah,” she said, feeling a little stung.

“The Accords are on me, Darcy. Let me deal with this. That’s all it is, I promise.”

“Sure.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“I’m not being like anything. You’re right. I don’t know what’s going on with SHIELD, so, that’s a good plan.”

“You’re still sticking?”

“I guess it depends on how this all shakes out with the Accords. Which are shit, by the way.”

“I know. I know they’re shit. What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing. Sorry.”

“God,” he breathed out on a harsh breath. “No, talk to me. You’re the only person I trust to be rational here.”

“Everybody panicked. You panicked. They rammed these through. I don’t even know how they managed to pass them through all those committees so fast. That’s like, unheard of.”

“King T'Chaka is persuasive.”

“I guess. And everything I’ve ever heard about him says he’s a good man, not even a teeny-tiny whiff of scandal anywhere near him. So, I’m okay trusting him, but we know the WSC was compromised. Who’s to say this UN council won’t be, too? And even if it’s not, when we’re talking about something like the Dark Elves or Chitauri, are we all just supposed to sit there while some committee decides what to do? How many people will that kill?”

“There has to be a line, Darcy. We are not above the law. We are not … we can’t operate like this. We can be the response team, but we have to be in check, too. Or what? What’s to stop us the day we decided somebody’s a threat before they even do anything? Are we judge, jury, executioner? And we’ll just roll into any country we want, destroy cities, lives, in our drive for that rightness?”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m not. But, the way the Accords are set up, there’s no room to move in an emergency. And registration? God, I don’t like that. I just don’t like that. Why target individuals with powers? I’m pretty sure SHIELD will sign, but the problem is that then every individual powered person within SHIELD has to sign, too. And then every operation with a powered agent has to be submitted to review. What bullshit is that?”

“You’ll have to sign. I’ve had a request to disclose who has a suit — so you and Rhodey. I haven’t reported it yet, I can bury you, but if you’re ever spotted in it —”

“Don’t perjure yourself on my account.”

“Will you sign?”

“I don’t know, dad. I don’t know. Probably. Because you’re right, there has to be a line. The Avengers’ power needs to have a balance. I just don’t like the Accords, and I know we can change them, but I don’t like putting my name to something that’s starting out so deeply flawed. What am I agreeing to? Even if it can be changed?”

“I know.”

“The part about the Raft.”

“I knew you’d hate that.”

“Extraordinary detention? Where’s due process?”

“It’s temporary.”

“With Ross in charge? My ass it’s temporary.”

“I want it noted, I’m fighting his appointment. Jesus, I’ve had meetings on the Hill all week, and I’ll have more all next week. And then the hearings. Christ. I hate that town.”

“I hope you win, because he’s an f'in disaster all by himself.” She snarled a little and shook her head. “How does he still have a job? After Harlem and all that shit.”

“There are too many people who invested too much into him,” Tony said with a disgusted twist of his lips.

[honeylikewords]

Do any of the JC have pets?

Yes, many do! Here’s a list of who has what!

Eddie: Eddie has one to two cats, maybe more depending on his marital status and how much his wife likes cats. He’s definitely not opposed to getting a dog or having more pets in the house, but he also is a collector of antiques and rare books, so he realizes he has to keep the pet party to a minimum. But he does love animals!

David: Oh, this big bear loves animals! His main dog is a large, poofy, Samoyed-Husky-Bernese Mountain Dog type named Koda, and as time goes on, he adopts more pups, or, rather, they wander to his house from the streets or the woods and he keeps them safe and warm and they take up permanent residence. 

He also has a hutch full of bunnies (his favorite is a little brown one he calls Cocoa Puff), and takes care of the woodland birds by building them large birdhouses and feeders. He also has a horse who lives on the cabin’s property with him, who he named Bill.

 David loves animals of all shapes and sizes, and has been known to play with the wildlife (there are photos of him wrestling around with actual baby bears!), but he’s, shockingly, not a fan of snakes or venomous spiders. Everything else, though, he can learn to love, so long as it is a good animal and not wicked.

Shane: Couldn’t really keep a pet to save his life, now, since he’s so busy, but as a kid he had a dog called Bruiser, who was actually a very small Pekingese. 

Joe: Joe wants a house in the suburbs with a big green lawn for his kids AND his dogs to play on. Joe doesn’t do cats. But he loves dogs, and, once he has that house, adopts a big golden retriever and a rescue pibbie. He lets the kids name the retriever (thus, its name is French Fry) and he re-names the pibbie himself; Princess. She’s a little bitten-up, but a sweetheart, and gentle as the sun on a spring day, and he loves her to bits.

Frank: Frank’s got one pitbull, maybe two.

Monty: Monty has a teeny tiny little dog who he loves to carry around and dote on. I like to imagine him with the tiniest teacup poodle in his big tattooed arms, holding them like a baby and feeding them treats. Their name is LazerFace DeathPunch, and they sleep on his pillow.

BJ: BJ has two labradors! He got one when Trey was little, and a second when his daughters were born, so each of them could grow up with a dog. Their names are, of course, picked by the kids, so Trey named his dog “Waffle” and the girls named theirs “Honeybuns”. BJ also would love to adopt some dogs, like greyhounds or pibbies.

Michael: Michael has a cat named Professor Peepee. The cat’s original name was Abraham, but the cat accidentally tinkled indoors once and Michael’s wife grumpily called him “professor peepee” and the name just stuck. So if the cat is batting around in the kitchen and Michael hears something shatter, he’ll jump off the couch and holler “PROFESSOR PEEPEE, YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKING AROUND IN THERE”, which is always incredibly funny to hear.

Do you guys have any HCs about pets for the boys? I’m always interested to hear ‘em!