#like we can't apply any identity to him. and we really mean ANY identity. not even straight or umbrella terms like queer

[boyfriendtodeathconfessional]

Why does Fox grow fond enough of MC that he's willing to spare them? This doesn't seem like a crisis of his conscience. Everything in his dialogue indicates that this is the first time he's ever spared a captive. The only conditions under which MC survives is if they simultaneously please the chat and also act submissive and obsequious to Fox. In short, Fox wants someone who acted just like he did in his youth.

It was mentioned in an earlier post that Strade probably kept Ren because Ren was willing to believe and accept anything Strade said or did. He was even willing to adopt Strade's twisted morality, feeding into his ego. What did Ren get out of this deal? He got what he never got before: the feeling of being needed.

Knowing one's place in the world is a powerful thing. This applies to any role within society. When someone is 'set in their ways', it means they established those ways for themself. Go ahead and try to get them to break the routine. You'll find it's easier to move heaven and earth than it is to get them to do something different. This is why most addicts stay addicts and why many in abusive relationships stay in abusive relationships. Sure, the experiences may be horrible, but they are familiar. They are comfortable. Creating an entirely new identity requires killing the old one, and many cannot handle the pain. In an earlier post, it's mentioned that the Ren of BTD1 ceased to exist once BTD2 comes about. When Strade died, his final act of cruelty was taking Ren with him.

Fox has now built his entire identity around what he learned from Strade. By the time we meet him in TPOF, he is fully set in his ways. Even if his heart isn't in it, even if he feels bad for MC, he has to keep going, because it's all he knows. It's important to note, the only time Fox inflicts harm on MC is during the streams when he has the mask on. Even if he's putting up a front (a 'show', if you will) the front has to be maintained, otherwise he'd lose his identity yet again. The people he surrounds himself with would see through him and possibly put him through horrible pain. Appropriately, the DLC is called 'The Show Must Go On!' I don't think this refers to the streams Fox produces, as the one we see wouldn't have happened if MC didn't beg Fox to take them (something Fox couldn't have predicted). Rather, it refers to the show Fox has to put on for himself to convince himself that he really is this cruel, uncaring monster.

When MC asks, "Are you going to kill me or not?" He cheerily responds, "That's for the chat to decide!" To me, this indicates he's not actually interested in causing harm during the shows, further shown by the painkillers he gives the MC. He does what he does, because he doesn't know how to do anything different. He is fully on autopilot and can resolve any moral dilemmas by pointing to the chat and saying it's what they wanted. When the MC says, "I thought you were the one in charge," he's stunned into silence as if he regained some of his clarity.

Throughout the shows, if the MC plays up to the chat, makes the show easier to put on, and acts submissive to Fox's requests, Fox will warm up to them. This is exactly how Ren used to act around Strade in an effort to (futilely) avoid some of Strade's torment. As someone who's run many DnD games, I can't tell you how inspiring it is when I get a player who wants to roleplay and also does it well. I'm certain Fox feels the same way about his co-stars (What's that? Am I comparing my DnD sessions to a snuff stream? No more questions, please!). Gato even mentioned in one of her asks that Ren loves fetish gear and kinky clothing as evidenced when he dresses the MC up in lingerie for his shows. The MC indicating they like the outfit is the only option that increases his affection towards them.

So when Fox spares the MC, it's because they acted in a way that was deeply familiar to him. They offered him what he craved and hoped to get from his chat: the feeling of being needed. In doing so, he couldn't help but try to build a connection with them by showing them his scars. In making the MC his Ren, he could finally transcend into his ideal version of Strade. The cycle continues. Time is a flat circle. -☢️

.

[tomsvouge]

Call it what you want

Summary- You and Joe attend his Heisman ceremony. What you don’t know is that Joe has something up his sleeve for after the ceremony. Warnings: Fluff, References of sex

Being friends with Joe was a reward in itself, but seeing him achieve a goal of a lifetime is worth more than any award there is.

Getting ready in the hotel room in New York City was not on your bucket list for 2019 but hey I was not complaining. Joe was up for the heisman trophy and you could not be more proud of him. Knowing what he has endured up to this moment would make anyone have nothing but respect for him.

Joe and I have been friends since middle school. All I remember is a shy kid hesitant to find a seat somewhere. Calling him over to sit next to me was the best decision I have ever made. Although what I didn't know was I was going to be falling for him as the years went on. each day that went by I always noticed something new about him, like the way he gets all giggly when talking about things he loves, or when he gets tuned vision when he is really really focused on something.

Having these feelings for Joe meant that every little thing made me jealous. Like when girls fond over him or when girls literally come up to him and flirt with him. Before my thoughts took over me I got pulled out by Joe calling my name.

"Y/n!"-Joe

"yea what's up"- you say sitting down the makeup brush.

"Which tie should I pick?"- Joe says holding up two purple ties that look almost identical

"Go with the one without the gold it kinda washes you out"- You say taking the tie from him to put it on him while he laughs at your remark.

"Can't even catch a break on my day huh?"- Joe says shaking his head laughing.

"Hey just because your winning an award doesn't change the fact that your still easy to make fun of."- You say while fixing him up so he looks put together.

"There you go. Nice and proper."- you walking back to finish your makeup

"Thanks and I haven't won anything yet, I'm just a nominee."-Joe says following you and sitting down on the bed next to the vanity watching you apply the finishing touches.

"Oh c'mon, Joe we all know you have this award in the bag. You have had heck of a season and most of all you deserve it more than anyone."- you say turning to him and grabbing his hands.

"Everyone believes in you Joe not just your family. You pretty much have the whole state of Louisiana supporting you tonight as you are their adopted son apparently."-you say as Joe looks up and laughs at the adoption joke.

"Thank you y/n. You always know how to bring my confidence back up."- Joe says looking at you with a little glimmer in his eyes.

"Oh! also can you help me zip up my dress?"-you ask standing up and turning around so my back faces him.

"Yea sure."-Joe says slowly zipping the dress up.

"There. And thank you for always being there, it means a lot."-Joe says while you turn around to look at him.

When turning around you had no idea how close you actually were to Joe, so close that your chest was literal centimeters away from his.

Looking into Joe's eyes gave you a wash of euphoria. Something hat only his can do, and he felt the same way about yours. Every stolen glance he takes at you when you aren't looking and every little gesture he does to show that he cares.

As you guys stared into each others eyes, it was cut short by Robin and Jimmy clearing their throats.

"Time to go guys!"- Robin says as she looks at us smirking.

"Yea okay."- we both say at the same time while they leave the room.

"Wait! Joe before we go gets take a picture."-You say opening the camera app and taking the picture,

"okay lets go y/n, this could turn into a whole photoshoot with you."-joe says laughing and guiding me to the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking into the ceremony felt unreal. Before it started we talked to a couple of joes coaches and other nominees.

A few minutes into small taking we were told the ceremony would be broadcasting in a ew minutes and we had to take our seats. before I went to my seat I decided to give Joe some more words of encouragement.

"Hey Joe just remember what I told you in the hotel room, you have all the support in the world right now, win or lose we're so so proud of you."-you say as he was staring u at you with admiration in his eyes.

"Thank you y/n."- He says with a tight lipped smile.

I could tell he was nervous. Joe only smiled like that when he was nervous or when he wanted out of a situation and didn't want to make it awkward.

As I'm walking back to my seat I couldn't help but over hear one of the nominees say that Joe had a good one. Before I could hear joes response people were starting to scramble to their seats for it to start.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He did it. He won the Heisman for LSU.

As walks up to his family section he hugs each of us. When he gets to me he says something unexpected.

"I love you.."- Joe says as he hugs you and moves on to his dad.

He just told me he loves me. We have said this to each other before but something about this time felt different.

As Joe walks up to give his speech all I could do is tear up. This boy has been through so much and has been knocked down so many times and the is finally proving all those people wrong who ever doubted him in his life.

But one thing that I did not expect to see was Joe cry. I have only seen Joe cry a few times, so little that I could count on one hand. This had really meant a lot to him and you couldn't be any prouder of him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the ceremony and the walk in Times Square, Joe and I decided to head back to our room to celebrate the win by watching movies and drinking some champagne.

The second the door closed I tackled Joe in a hug to the point where he fell back on the bed. Laughing he quickly turned us over on the be. As quickly as he turned us over he jumped off of me.

"Sorry I don't know what I was thinking doing that"- Joe said as he starts to take off his shoes.

"Its fine, You did nothing wrong."- you said

"Im gonna go take a shower right quick, okay?"- you said walking over to the bathroom.

"Okay I'm going to my parents room to do the same."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting in the bed with Joe you had laughs and mini tickle fights. But as the night went on you had not idea what was about to happen.

"Okay so now that this movie is over I would like to show you a very important video."-joe says grabbing his computer.

"It's not a sex tape is it?"- you say with semi seriousness.

"No no not even close!"-Joe says laughing at you.

"Oh okay."- you say getting comfortable to see what his is about to show you.

"okay, watch"- Joe says starting the video.

The video consisted of memories of me and Joe from when we first met to literally a few hours ago.

"Joe that was so sweet, but why?"-you say looking at him.

"Y/n, you have been in my life since I can remember. Not a single bad memory with you, if anything you make the bad memories seen not so bad. You have been there for me through the really highs but you have also been there for me when I've hit rock bottom. You make me a better person and I'm grateful to have you as a best friend. And I know this might sound weird but I really don't want to be friends with you anymore. I want to be more than friends. So, with that Will you be my girlfriend?"- Joe says as you have tears in your eyes.

Joe... You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say that sentence to me."-I say hugging him like my like depended on it.

"So I'll take that as a yes?"- Joe says

"Yes Joe i'll be your girlfriend."- I say leaning in to kiss his lips.

Right as our lips are about to touch Joe pulls away leaving me confused.

"What's wrong?"- You ask looking at him.

"Nothing, but before I forget I have to give you something."- Joe says reaching into the nightstand.

"Here."- he hands me the box

"Joe you didn't have to get me anything."

"Just open the box baby"

I open the box and see a pendant necklace with a "J" on it.

"joey... Its beautiful."

"Just like you. I wanted you to have it even when we are not physically with each other. Look inside."

I look inside and see a photo of me and Joe on the day we met and and an empty side. "What's this side for?"- I say referring to the empty side.

"It's for you to fill, I want you to fill it with your favorite memory of us. I doesn't have to be right now. You don't even have to tell me. just do it when you're ready."- Joe says as I nod.

"Can you put it on me?"-You say turning round.

"Ofc."- He says putting the necklace on me.

"oh and Joe?"

"Yea?"

"I love you too."- I say smiling.

Little did Joe know you filled that empty spot years later with the photo of you him and your baby boy the day you gave birth.

The first pic of the new year!!! Also the start of the Taylor imagines. If you have any recommendations let me know. <3

[fairyminnie444]

SUCCESS STORY

guys, sp's are actually the most easy thing to manifest if you detach and identify as "all that is". there was this boy that hadn't talk to me in a romantic way in over two years and in those two years, I was extremely desperate and sad about the way he had been treating me. He was super nonchalant and was overall a very bad person to me and I was so tired of accepting the way he was treating me so about two weeks ago I decided that I was the one in power and I could have any and every reality I wanted, any person that I wanted to attract for however long, or short I wanted it to last. (keep in mind I have been doing a complete rebirth the last two weeks and am ever evolving so I probably will come back with more success for that are even crazier than this one) that being said, I decided that he was obsessed with me all along with three other guys that had ghosted me in the past, and I completely detached from it because I knew that they were obsessed with me. i imagined one or two scenarios of what would happen between me and them that would prove that they were in fact, obsessed with me and I kid you not two out of the three guys that I imagined were obsessed with me sent me a essay apologizing and literally declaring their love for me, wishing that they had never treated me the way and saying that they missed me a lot. in the past, when I had manifested people I highly anticipated it and kept looking for signs that they were coming, like angel numbers and keeping my phone on do not disturb but constantly checking my notifications and stuff like that just shows that you lack whatever you are trying to convince yourself that you have. but this time around seeing that message, I felt very unfazed and indifferent. I didn't even respond to their messages, cause I didn't care about them anymore. to me, they were pathetic for even sending that message, knowing that I didn't care because I wasn't gonna forget how they had treated me when I was being genuine with them. but if you have a person that you want to manifest a love message from but actually want a relationship with them so manifesting it is a little bit more difficult for you, The same method applies. for the third guy, I actually did like him and I wanted to start something with him, which makes sense as in why it took longer for him to reach out compared to the other two boys, but when he did reach out, he called me and we were able to have a conversation and talk everything out and reconnect with each other which was the perfect instance compared to a text where you can't really connect with a person the same way. so once again, everything worked out perfectly in my favor. have passionate faith in your manifestation and have a unshakable sense of self and identity even if that means letting go of old parts of yourself that you would've never thought in 1 million years, you would let go of. sometimes to see big changes in your life you have to make big changes internally. to see different. You have to be different, and I know that it's sometimes a hard thing to digest but be patient with yourself. cry if you need to, get out everything that needs to get out of you so that you can rebirth yourself as your true identity because this is who we all are. God.

Yasssssss 🩷🩷🩷 I loved ittt thank you for sharing this, that’s ittt everything it’s so easy 🫶🏻

[magnusunpopularopinions]

very unpopular opinion im sure so ill just spit it out: jons "loss of humanity" arc is... bad. it's written badly.

i'll preface with this: the rest of the fandom (generally) really loves monster jon and the whole humanity debate so if you disagree with me there is a host of other people that support your take instead! dont let me discourage you from what you enjoy, im just some random guy.

that being said- when i first listened to tma and it was all "this is a story about losing your humanity!!" and i just didnt like it, i thought i wasnt a fan of that type of story. and that's perfectly okay! but, as ive branched out into a lot more horror media, i've found such juicy and truly torturous depictions of "loss of humanity" that jon "i read words and feel sad" sims just seems so silly to me. i mean, with characters like daisy that fight with needing to literally kill innocent people to live, knowing she can lose herself to becoming a feral police brutality beast, is it really THAT bad that jon... reads statements?? he doesn't SEE the people he's haunting the dreams of. he hardly seems aware that the trauma eating has any effect at all until someone brings it up to him.

maybe it's just me reading a lot of other books where people can't recognize their faces in the mirror anymore or become bound to blood promises or vampirism or something... but... the eye does not seem like a "am i even human anymore" thing. not like the stranger or the flesh or the hunt. if it's supposed to tell us that jon is just that sad about making people sad, then i didn't really feel anything about that either. hell, i even felt more attached to oliver's statements, and he doesn't have a monster form either. i think the fandom does the thing with all the floating eyes and moth-inspired jons because it's just a little hard to believe that he's "lost what it is that makes him human" when he.. to our knowledge.. just looks like a normal guy that is sad. get some zoloft buddy!!!

Thanks for sharing! Let’s chat!

I see what you’re saying anon! You made your own point really well! I’ll have to… sort of? Agree with you? Most disagree because I enjoyed the arc, but you definitely proved your point well!

I think, to play devil’s advocate for you, that it’s sort of a ‘to-each-his-own’ thing. Sure, in comparison to other characters, Jon’s descent into… avatar-hood may not come off as ‘humanity-losing,’ but I think, for Jon, he certainly doesn’t feel like himself. I think the scary part of it is that he’s looking in the mirror and he’s not seeing himself. And it’s not necessarily as scary to us as it is that we are watching him become scared of himself.

And then, of course, there is the question of what makes us human. What is humanity?

(Buckle up folks-)

I recently took a class where we read “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” by Phillip K. Dick. (This is the book that inspired Blade Runner, btw.)

The basic plot is as follows: Humans live in a dystopian version of earth alongside androids. There are a couple different characters, and I can’t remember people’s names right this second, so let’s just say this- Android Hunter goes to work to make sure that androids are identified and kept track of. He encounters a new line of androids that are so nearly identical to humans that they pass the android/human test. This leads him to question:

what makes us human?

The test is based off of intelligence and compassion. If an android could feel compassion, love even, then could it be human? And vice versa- there’s another character who is mentally handicapped and therefore could not get a human score on an android test, even though he’s fully human. He doesn’t have the mental capacity to answer fast enough/with “enough compassion” to pass as human.

So then, what is it? What makes humans human?

To make a novel short: Hope. Hope is what makes us human.

And I don’t just want to say that one book determines our humanity, but I have been applying it to lots of other media recently, and it’s held up really well.

So back to Magnus ((but definitely go read the book I just talked about!)), Jon’s loss of hope- in himself, in his co-workers, in nearly everyone and thing- that’s the horror.

Jon is gone, and to Jon… wow. That’s scary….

ALL that to say: awesome thoughts anon, thanks for being respectful and writing all that out! I love a well-thought out opinion and it’s lots of fun to think about (clearly!).

Again, thanks for sharing and remember to keep your words kind!

-E

>Hello! I’m E, and I created this blog to be a safe space to share Magnus Archives/Protocol opinions in! If you are seeing this in a reblog, I want you to know three things:

1) I value respect and kindness over anything.

2) I cannot control what others say in response to anyone’s opinions.

3) Only you can control your emotions/actions/words. Choose to respond with gentleness, not anger. After all, we all are here for the same reason- why not enjoy each other’s company?

Thanks, and have an awesome day/night!<

[kidspawn]

Since this used to be such a hot topic of discourse in the fandom, I’m keen to know your thoughts on Adam’s major

This is an ask I am delighted to have received, because this is a topic I have devoted far too much time picking apart. I wish that meant I had a succinct answer, but to be honest you knew what you were getting into sending me an ask. Especially an Adam-related ask. I have many, many thoughts. Not just because I'm writing college age Gangsey and I've devoted a lot of time to this concept, I genuinely just find this thread of thought fascinating and ripe for character analysis. Mild spoilers for Adam's arc in The Dreamer Trilogy, especially Greywaren.

Dissecting Adam's college major, I think, hinges entirely on what state of character development he's in, how many majors he's tried, how attached he stays to Ronan, his relationship with himself and his perception on success. More on that later, but it's crucial (I think) to know what major Adam chooses, what he'd enjoy, and what actually thematically works for him.

So, starting with canon knowledge, I'm fairly certain he's confirmed to be a psychology major as of Call Down the Hawk/Mister Impossible. This could be me making a logical leap, but he's “studying humanity” which points to Psychology or Sociology. I'm actually very fond of Psych major Adam, for numerous reasons I'll get into in a second. But yeah. And we know he's struggling quite a bit during this period of time, with identity and a loneliness he can't seem to break through. And after this, he transfers to multiple colleges in quick succession, before ultimately not graduating and entering into his ultra-mysterious government job. (I have mixed feelings on this.)

Here's how those years pan out, in my head: Adam transfers out of Harvard, to an equally prestigious college. He tries a new major, this time, knowing Psychology didn't work. Maybe the study was the problem, so he reapplies himself in an equally enticing discipline. I'd like to think, after all the occurs in Greywaren (especially with Ronan deviating and able to access things outside of the Barns, outside of Adam) he regresses a bit and tries for pre Law. Pre Law, to him, comes with the pressed suit and success he idealized as a child. It feels fitting, after a perceived failure, that he'd latch onto his adolescent definition of success. I think he'd do well, apply himself, perform admirably, but ultimately realize he fucking hates lawyers. And it doesn't click. Nothing passionate in him, just a resigned way of being. So, another transfer. Another Adam Parrish reinvention, another fresh start, a clean slate. What follows is a series of identity rewrites, different uniforms and backstreets and passions and sets of friends and parents to fabricate a new existence. And each one takes him further and further away from what he really wants. This culminates in the government email, from all his work along the ley line, all his whispers in the world of magic, and ends us at the Greywaren epilogue. (This is me weaving headcanon into the epilogue, not quite how I'd write Adam's story, but this is ending we've been given, and I find the serpentine nature of it immensely fascinating.)

Now, moving into majors I actively enjoy, say, reading or writing in. This is not a diss on any other assigned major - I can be persuaded to enjoy Adam in nearly any major or career, especially if it's written out well. That's part of the problem, is my opinion. I'm going to be kind of mean to Adam here, so let me start on a positive note: Adam is very academically inclined. Not even as a form of survival, he's just... a smart kid. He enjoys picking the world apart and analyzing what surrounds him. He's got the work ethic for traditional education, he's polite and listens to authority, he's inquisitive and skilled in academia. Whether he likes it, who's to say? There's little he indicates in regards to pleasure gained in academics. I'm actually of the mind he likes school because it is 1. A key to success and 2. He is good at it, and Adam likes being good at things. I fully believe he'd do well in nearly any academic path he picked, because Adam doesn't necessarily need joy to succeed academically. Just the drive to prevail and endure. So, taking this in mind, I think half the problem is Adam not really... enjoying any of these fields, just being good at it and seeing success at the end of the tunnel. The other half is his fucking identity crisis. What does he want? Who does he want to become? Those things directly conflict and make it truly difficult to find a major he'd want to pursue. He's being tugged in so many directions. Hence, while I think Adam would go to college as a means to an end, I've never actually seen Adam as someone who enjoys the actual act of school and academia. (I do think he enjoys perceiving and questioning and investigating the world, prying and analyzing. He enjoys problem solving. I digress. That wasn't the question.)

My Adam Parrish college major headcanons, my personal view, breaks down into: what I think he studied, what actually makes sense in the context of his character and his qualities, and my self-indulgent “omg i wish he studied it he'd love it.” I've already talked about what I think actually went down. I think he bounced through majors. Specifically, psych and sociology and law, maybe two or three more. But maybe more on my other opinions:

So, for an Adam Parrish major, I think there's some criteria that must be met:

1. Something in STEM. Adam is, at his core, very tactile and factual. He's not just the “science guy” for a joke. He's literally hardwired to perceive the world with the scientific method. I can't see him not studying a science pathway.

2. Monetary success. I don't even care if this seems reductive for character development, I actively think Adam would sit down, chart all career options, and choose the ones with the most profit. He'd balance passion and interest with a lucrative career. Whatever job he gets has to pay well.

3. Something that makes a good impression. I think Adam cares about what people think of him. I think he wants a diploma that brings a swell of pride in him. Something people find impressive, because it proves he is impressive. Rags to riches when it's done. For all his work after TRK, he still cares deeply what others see him as.

4. Something challenging. Adam canonically needs to be mentally occupied. It serves as a distraction. It keeps him sane. I don't think he's enjoy or want to pursue anything that isn't at least a LITTLE academically stimulating.

5. Something that lets him help people. This is largely a TRK headcanon, where he mentions as he leaves the trailer for the last time, that he wants to help all the Adams he knows are stuck there. I love this, actually. I genuinely adore this idea. Adam is good with kids. He cares about helping people, wants to become the person he needed the most when he was a kid. I adore this idea. I think this is a criteria that he keeps close to his chest, and it doesn't always have to be met for a great story. (I actually find the idea of Adam sacrificing this desire in favour of success wonderful ground for character study.) But at my very core, I love Adam pursuing a degree that opens doors to help people. However that looks.

Now, I can gush about majors I'd actually give Adam. In a lot of fic I write or miscellaneous commentary, I reference Adam being a psych major. I love love love Adam being a psych major. I have no clue what the fandom consensus is, but this is genuinely so fitting for his character. Not even narratively. Like, as a person, Adam being a psych major makes sense. Specifically, Adam being a psych dropout makes sense. (I do not think he gets a psych degree. I think he switches majors. Allow me to explain.)

I used to loath psych major Adam. I hated it. And then, I sat down and thought about the implications of psych major Adam. Adam, who picks the world and the people around him apart. Who operates as a fly on the wall, psychoanalyzes and makes assumptions based on human behavior, who's learned to read body language and intent. Who hones in on microscopic self expression, who builds assumptions and makes rash judgements based in behavior alone. Who sits and builds hypothesis on behavior based on empirical evidence. Introspective, analytical Adam Parrish who spends half the fucking series psychoanalyzing his friends and strangers in grocery stores and himself.

Adam spends so much time picking his own self apart, trying to understand who he is. And I find that, on a more sentimental level, pursuing psych gives him clinical distance to pick himself apart? There's a way to understand who he is and what that means about his role in humanity as a whole. The phrasing of that statement in the cut Adam chapter, set at Harvard, specifically speaks on studying humanity. I find that fascinating? I love that he seeks to comprehend human nature, and I think a part of him wants to apply that inward and figure out who he is. For a character who isn't entirely sure who he is or what he wants, a major pursuing that knowledge has to be crack. And it's why I think he'd drop it.

I don't know if this is common sentiment, but I've always heard two jokes about psych majors: they trauma dump like no one's business, and they'll always always change majors. I think Adam, first of all, fucking hates other psych majors. Specifically because I think Adam, who I adore (really need to stress this), kind of struggles to comprehend other people could suffer too? It's a point of contention in the base series that Adam sort of builds this monopoly on suffering, that he alone is the sole bearer of burden. It makes him clash with Ronan, with Blue, with Gansey. No one has suffered as much as Adam has. And that is said with love and understanding that Adam's childhood fucking sucked. That he has every right to acknowledge how difficult his life has been. But oftentimes, his self esteem and his mental health make him incredibly self absorbed and prone to dismissing other suffering as lesser or insignificant. No one is worse than Adam Parrish, no one has suffered more. (And if that sounds harsh, please reread the cut chapter. His perspective on Ronan in TRB. On Gansey. His actual textual arguments with Blue and Ronan when they call him out on this. I adore him, I do this too, that belief that I alone have suffered and no one else had. It took years of therapy to deprogram. It's not a moral statement on my end, it is something I find unfortunately relatable about Adam and something I appreciate has been stressed in his characterization.) This is to say I think he'd be fucking annoyed with psych majors psychoanalyzing each other. There's going to be an element of, "you don't know what it is to suffer." and rolling his eyes at other kids. I reiterate: Adam would hate other psych majors. (Which has great comedic potential, btw.)

I also believe, for all that pursuing psych might help him achieve some theoretical enlightenment, it'd also make him immensely uncomfortable. Strip him bare and force him to confront his demons. I don't see Adam “emotional repression” Parrish being willing to sit in his own human complexity. I think he likes the idea of knowing himself, but there’s a vulnerability in self analysis that Adam does not sit well in. Love him, tho. You go king.

My other reason revolves around him canonically enjoying debate on the human perception and experience. His conversation with Aurora, the way he experiences with love, revolves around discussing if two people perceive colour the same way. Which leads me to believe if Adam actually sat with psychology past the first two semesters, he'd love the theology and concepts of psychological study. Diving into the human brain, with a scalpel and vigour, appeals to Adam as a way to understand the world. The more I discuss it, the more I convince myself I adore psych student Adam who realizes he maybe hates other psych students and can't handle the reflection staring from his textbook. Adam, love, go to therapy. He would hate therapy.

But in my heart of hearts, he doesn't stick with it. For aforementioned reasons. I just think it feels too real. But god, in some universe Adam Parrish went into juvenile psychology.

My more self indulgent Adam major is another one I kind of fucking hated at first, before I came around. I love engineer major Adam. I do. I really really do. Specifically, mechanical, civil, environmental, or architectural engineering. First of all, applies for the same reasons I like him in a psych major - solving the world by picking it apart. But it takes a step back, sticks with those laws of nature upon which Adam so desperately clings. Math, science, physics. Tangible, real, results. Results you can calculate. Minimal human variability. Factors you can always account for. There's a way to change the world and comprehend it in a way that doesn't demolish his reality (he struggles with things that break his perception of the world, specifically magic). And this ties into another element of Adam I like: the joining of two impossibilities. I adore Adam restructuring cities, buildings, landscapes to accommodate ley lines. It's why I pick those specific engineering disciplines. It combines this scientific side of Adam Parrish, his comprehension of the world, with the magic that has informed his existence. He can pursue his goals, protect the ley lines, and make some good fucking money doing it. I will always always always adore engineering Adam. This is my actual answer. Engineer major Adam. Who started as a psych major and realized there is nothing wrong with the title of engineer, that not being a lawyer or a doctor or some revolutionary public figure does not mean failure - it is uniquely his. He didn't take engineering from anyone. It's a pursuit all his own, that weaves together the numerous contradictions of Adam Parrish.

(Architectural Engineer Adam is one I adore because it is 1. super self indulgent and I know this and own up to it, and 2. Every fucking architect I know is some weird ass cryptid control freak who goes on and on about making a lasting imprint on the world because of fucking course. Detail oriented freaks who never drink water and stay hunched over our damn fucking computer that keeps crashing while we enable our CAD software fuck you computer i have arthritis-) But tbh, I veer into Environmental or Civil engineering with a special soft spot for Architectural Engineer Adam I don't think is canon but I will never let that idea go and I will push that agenda. However, realistically, Environmental or Civil Engineering.

(I do enjoy all other Adam variants. The thematic power of Law student Adam, I think premed Adam is hot, I love love me a forensics or criminal justice Adam. I am so pro Adam being written into any major. This is just my approach to writing Adam in college.)

Thank you for attending my TED talk. As you can see, I think about this a LOT. Like, way way too much. I think about the Gangsey in college so fucking much. And Adam's journey through college is, really, a way to navigate his character arc. Imo. Hope you enjoy this.

[samsayswhatever]

There are only 2 episodes left and I'm so curious about how it will all end. Personally, I don't care about moralism and I know that I'm watching a series about fictional characters and I would like the guys to realize their attraction to each other, accept it and be together and screw it all. Among all the terrible things that are happening in the world, 2 brothers who want each other are definitely not on my list of disasters. At least their love won't produce children, lol I have a feeling that most likely hbo will go the way of denial and non-acceptance (after all, this is not GoTh) and we will have a sad ending. Most likely, Lochlan will die. He is the one who clearly felt the attraction from the beginning and who fell more and will suffer and of course this is not accepted in the world and a happy ending is impossible for them and therefore, of course, from a "moral" point of view, he will be killed and so they will put an end to the incest. I would like a different ending, but I think it's not worth hoping for something good. The bare minimum is that they are both alive, but will separate and never contact each other again, and Saxon will live a standard and correct life. Lochlan will forever close himself off and just go with the flow.

I agree, I would also love to see Saxon and Lochlan accept their desires, and just be together. But I also agree that it's unlikely.

I don't personally think the show will kill Lochlan. A lot of shows will kill the most clearly gay character off, but I don't think that this show will. Mike White is openly bisexual and in previous seasons he's let some gay characters live. I think Lochlans age also plays into it. Mike hasn't killed off anyone this young in the show before, and he seems to have a more positive growth mindset, where younger characters learn about themselves over the course of the show and make a big decision at the end.

I want Loch's big decision to be accept his desire for Saxon, but I think it's more likely that he will will realize that trying to follow the path of his siblings isn't good for him. His parents only talked about him getting into those two colleges, but I can't imagine his guidance counselors would be happy with someone who only applied to two colleges total. So he might make a stance in the last episode about his college being neither of the two mentioned. This could be a big dramatic thing at the airport where he tells his parents his decision, or it could be a subtle scene of Loch scrolling through another colleges website.

I think the show is going to give a little more resolution for the saxloch arc, but I'm not sure whether it will be together or on their own. I think at least the show will have a few more scenes of each of them spiraling, and going through the stages of grief in their own ways before resigning to their fate. But I hope that after that they will have a few meaningful conversations, maybe tear up, maybe share a sad brotherly gesture that's full of longing and then finally be able to sit next to each other on the flight home as a sign that they will be able to grow closer again. I mean, I can hope for more, but this is upper limits of my tempered hope.

As far as their life after this, I think Saxon's identity was the most broken down, and I think the next two episodes will only break him further. So I think Saxon will also have a big change in his life. Either he will accept he is queer in some way, or he will accept that he doesn't really know himself, and that he doesn't like working for his dad. I think Saxon only thinks he likes working for his dad, because he likes getting constant feedback that he's getting his dad's approval. But he doesn't have any hobbies, and I doubt he has any super close friends. He might decide to quit and become an arborist or something seemingly insanely out of character, but has been hinted at.

And I don't think Lochlan will completely close himself off. I mean, depending on how crazy things get, it's a possibility. If Lochlan ends up murdering Gary or Vlad before or after fucking Saxon, and then his parents reveal they watched it all on the security cameras, then yeah he'll be closed off as hell. But I think it's more likely for Lochlan to be mildly closed off to Saxon specifically, and otherwise gain a bit of self confidence. If Lochlan see's Saxon break down and do some stupid shit, there's the chance he will realize he doesn't need to look up to Saxon anymore. That would be a little sad, but it's a possibility.

Anyway, thank you for the inbox message!! I love thinking about this stuff

[genderkoolaid]

I don't know if you know blue eye Samurai, but I hate how people talk about the protagonist.

I'm a non binary Trans man, and I actually identify a lot with Mizu (the protagonist), but I go here on Tumblr and I see a lot of posts that say: "I know everyone can see Mizu however they like, but I want everyone to know that the right interpretation is that she is a woman pretending to be a man... but everyone can think whatever they want, not forgetting that she is a woman of course."

And it's a bit annoying because when I see explanations of why is "wrong" to see Mizu as a Trans man, I see people going "Why can't there be representation of gender non conforming women!?" And "she wouldn't pretend to be a man if it wasn't for the society she lives in!"

The last one makes me especially angry, because of how many Trans men get erased from history with that same argument.

I don't know, I think it makes me mad because that fandom feels like a micro cosmos of the anti Trans masculinity a lot of Trans men have to face.

And it's not like I think it's wrong to see Mizu as a woman, but when everyone goes "of course she is a woman, why would she want to be a man for anything other than necessity?" I don't know how to feel.

I'm gonna steal my own words from that post about jeanne d'arc:

And the best part is, we can say all of this and also see her as part of women's history! Because women's history, too, does not have to be exclusively about woman-born or woman-identified women. It can be about a larger cultural experience. And Jeanne d'Arc suffered because of transphobia which is always fundamentally misogynistic. I would argue it even makes sense to say her death involved transmisogyny in a very literal sense. The thing about transfeminism is that it can free us from the need to view personal identification with the role of "woman" as vital to feminism. Being a woman, in whatever sense, is certainly not unrelated to feminism, but one can be a feminist and have any kind of personal or communal relationship with womanhood. Anyone can be inspired by the story of Jeanne d'Arc and her bold defiance of both misogyny and transphobia, no matter how she may have personally understood her gender.

People have this idea where if a character or historical figure (or even currently living person) is anything but a woman, then any kind of Feminist Story falls apart. Especially when it comes to misogyny! People act like someone being a trans man means all their experiences with misogyny are like. gone? Or the story is now, essentially, about a cis man being mistaken for a woman, and thus women are Not Allowed to feel any connection at all.

All of this on top of the fun hypocrisy that is "we can't say this person/character is a trans man because they wouldn't have that concept, but we can say they are a cis woman because those are both the only options and ciswomanhood is a natural and universal concept we can apply regardless of any other context :)"

& with Mizu its like. you literally can see her as a GNC woman. people calling him a trans guy or transmasc or genderqueer or anything else are not taking away your experience of her as a GNC woman. Transmasculinity is not just Negative Womanhood, the idea that transmasculinity is something which saps away representation/power/dignity/identity/value from (cis) women is like ATM 101.

But the whole way people treat trans men and misogyny really annoys me, I guess because the assumption is that for women, having to dress as a man to get respect inspires anger at one's position in society, but trans men are incapable of having any complex feelings about that. Like trans men must fully enjoy not being able to have sex with others, or go to a doctor, and having to live in fear of being outed and facing the brunt of transphobia and misogyny, and trans men also couldn't possibly be angry about misogyny that they experienced, and also nonbinary people don't exist and no transmasculine person could possibly be anything but fully comfortable being seen as a cis man all the time. Sure, some trans men are perfectly happy passing as cis men, but like. there is more than one trans man. & ignoring all other transmasc experiences besides The One is a form of erasure, it just passes as something else because technically you are acknowledging A transmasc existence.

[steamberrystudio]

okay so I'm watching a video essay on a book series right now and one of this person's biggest gripes with the novellas is that despite them being from a different character's perspective than the MC, they're horribly repetitive and basically just word for word rehash the exact same things with a few small changes, and this has nothing to do with your games but

I just wanted to say that I think you do this very well in WSC, in the bonus episodes after chapter 1 I really love that instead of it basically being the same scenes just with the LI's thoughts, you make it so that we get their perspective on everything but in a way that doesn't feel repetitive

I won't lie, I was worried about specifically the first bonus scenes we get just cause every time I've ever read something where we get a different character's perspective on the same things, it's basically the same scene with just a few changes and I personally find it incredibly boring, but I think you did it in a much better and more interesting way

I have so many thoughts on this topic.

Mostly in regards to the full game, though, and not just the bonus scenes! Because most of the LI scenarios in the game are "the same thing but from someone else's perspective or with a different LI to interact with."

It's why I keep saying I want to do a write up on this style of game writing because when you have games where the routes are linked up by shared content (meaning all the routes occupy the same space-time, affect each other, and share a plot- including physically linking to and away from the exact same content in the game code) you are doing exactly what you said - you're essentially presenting the same scenario but from different PoVs.

To me, this is really the main (or one of the main) purposes in writing in this style. I know you were talking about the bonus scenes specifically but it applies to the main game too of course.

It makes me think of how many people wanted to know how characters like Caleb or Caissa would have responded to Trent. In GS, because all the plots are different, you only get to see a single character's reaction to Trent showing up. There really wasn't room for Trent in the other plot lines so Ari's route is the only place you even meet him. But people were curious, of course, about how others would respond to that scenario.

The strength of a GS style game is that you do get a bunch of totally unique plots which is nice for replayability and means each route brings something totally new. The weakness is that you don't get to see all the different perspectives on specific events like Trent or some of the other stuff Morgan goes through.

But, ideally, the strength of a WSC style is that while you do only get the one plot line, it means you also get to see all the different characters responding to the same events which can be an interesting exploration of the characters and their relationship with the MC.

Ideally.

One thing I realised early on is that to some degree the reactions of the different characters still can't deviate too much from each other because then you end up having to babysit 34909809234 variables - and that means keeping track of so many individual conversations and moments and who said what and when they said it - and if you write very organically, you can't always predict when you may inadvertently repeat info you've given the player in one route, or you contradict something one character said or you may introduce something as if the player already knows it...but they'd only know it if they experienced one specific route. So there's all this continuity stuff you end up having to constantly keep track of.

And that gets really hard. You either have to never refer back to anything that happens in any scenario ever. Or you have to essentially have the scenarios be identical. Or you have to do some level of that intense babysitting of variables (which is what I've done in WSC).

But that's actually not the only issue you encounter.

For me personally, it was exhausting and tedious to try to come up with six different reactions and variations for all these different plot moments in the game. Way more tedious than trying to come up with, say 9 relatively unique and interesting plot lines. The first three would come out easily. The fourth one I'd have to do a little digging to pull out something that felt unique and interesting. And by the fifth and sixth I very much was tired of writing that scenario. I wanted to move on and it was a slog to get through them.

Having to match timelines, match relationship progression to the timeline, and then remember individual things characters may have said that may conflict with later events - and put them behind variables if need-be and then remember (or just keep track of) when that happened and where that variable is and who said what...

It was just exhausting.

To me, the fact that a lot of games reuse content in the love interest/route-specific variations - bonus scenes (or wherever) - which, ideally, is the exact place they should be bringing something new to the table to suit the individual characters, not just repeating something that occurred somewhere else and swapping out the names....

is a symptom of this overlapping structure being really complicated to manage.

Having all those routes overlaying each other, linking to each other, and occupying the same space-time really complicates things when you are writing a branching narrative. For me, being able to separate the routes into their own timelines with their own plots and events offers so much more freedom and flexibility and that means I don't have that temptation to just copy/paste to preserve my sanity.

Which brings me to the point that the reason they are sometimes repetitive is because it can be so hard (in games) for them to be anything but that. There will always be a degree of similarity for continuity purposes and beyond that I thin kit's honestly just scope management and sanity preservation.

For WSC, I did try - throughout the game and bonus scenes - to re-write and massively edit content so that you still get the continuity but where the variations are bringing something interesting to the table (new perspectives, opinions, conversations - sometimes even information - etc) and to only repeat content when I absolutely needed the scene to be nearly identical for the sake of the plot or something.

But it was tough.

I used to judge other games when I saw copy/pasted scene content with minimal edits much harsher than I do now. Having written a game in this style now, and having had moments of wanting to chew my own head off to escape it...I totally understand now why that happens. I feel like I can really identify when someone was honestly just fighting to stay afloat.

It's much harder than I thought it would be. And that's one reason why I will be going back to separate routes for future games. 🤣🤣

ANYWAY. Ahem.

Sorry for the wall of rambles. I get like this when topics like this come up. I have many thoughts. SO MANY.

All of them in fact. 👀👀

I'm glad you liked the bonus scenes. They were fun to write. I have some more PoV scenes planned that I think will be fun to write and hopefully for everyone to read! ╰(*°▽°*)╯

[gin-juice-tonic]

can i ask how youre able to make so many comics or if you have any tips for aspiring internet funny comic makers? your gag comics are always so creative and funny and well-executed, and your longer form stuff is just a delight to read, i would love to know if u have any advice/insight into yr process

I'm not good at advice so you will have to bear with me here. Also I'm putting it under a readmore cause images make it into a long post. The like first 3/4th of this I talk about specific comics I did, but if you scroll to the end I tried to give some general advice.

My stuff is unfortunately very inspiration-based as opposed to planning-based. So my process might not be helpful if you're looking for something structured... The first thing I should say is I write down basically anything that pops into my head ever. I have a bunch of nonsensical tumblr drafts,

I have stuff in my phones notes app,

I have pages and pages of papers and post-it notes littering my apartment (if you want to know the extent, my sister asked me how I could live with my apartment being so "messy". The only messy thing in it is my papers scattered about). I find the paper stuff the best, because I can draw instead of just writing down concepts.

This is the page I did for the comic about Stan "comforting" Dipper over his unrequited crush on Wendy. (The tumblr version being here)

You will notice aside from the order on the page being strange and some scratched out dialogue, there's not really evidence of a 'plan' here. That's because I was just drawing this as I was thinking it. You will also notice there are two random unrelated Ford drawings in the middle of the page. That's because I was drawing ANYTHING that I was thinking of.

And when I say write down anything, I do mean it. Write down something you did that week, something you remember from when you were 8, something you said out loud and laughed at, things you thought about in the shower, a fact you learned, what your friend had for dinner. See if you can apply it to something. I've mentioned before that this comic only exists because I ran out of toilet paper and went to buy a large bulk pack of it...

When I already have a base idea and just want to expand on it, I usually draw first ask questions later, and things seem to just snowball into being a story. As an example, for the comic I did about Dipper's swimsuit, the base idea was just "Dipper and Stan both wear fully covering swimwear - because they're trans and its what they're comfortable with." But when I went to look up what Dipper wore to the pool, i noticed mabel had a Star one piece suit

Dipper has a star hat in the first episode that he loses, right? SO why don't we give him a matching star one piece that he abandons.

Of course then that single drawing CREATES the story, because we have to explain how he eventually ends up in what he's wearing in the episode. And then I just draw and draw and draw until either the comic ends or I can't continue for whatever reason. The outline for the full thing usually forms while I'm drawing. If I'm worried about forgetting, I'll write down what comes next.

Some of this stuff I didn't stick to, or greatly expanded upon. It's good to be flexible with what you're doing. If something you originally intended only to be a throwaway bit inspires you, roll with it and keep going. (If it ends up being nothing, you can always discard it or turn it into something else later anyway)

I did the swimsuit one basically fully on my computer, but if you want to see another paper based one, a lot of the comic with the kid stans and crampelter I'm doing currently is down on paper.

If you can make out my writing, you can see it says "Crampelter has found out about Stan and Ford's boxing identities" at the top there, which was the general main idea of this part of the comic. This one was a lot more planned than the dipper swimsuit one. There's multiple pages of this sort of stuff, and I knew the idea I wanted was "If Ford and Stan are trans, why would they still be called those names as kids?" (So I guess the takeaway from this one is if you're wanting a structured comic, write down the main idea on the top of a page and brainstorm dialogue and drawings on it?)

There's a lot of sort of floating heads with dialogue, all that matters is I get the emotions or general idea drawn. They're important for me to draw out because being able to "see" the scene (even if I'm seeing it heavily unfinished) is what usually inspires the next bit of the comic.

And I know I talked like a lot already but some general other advice:

Draw, ask questions about what you've drawn, draw more to answer the questions, see if those new drawings ask any new questions, continue this process till you come to a satisfying resolution.

It's fine to not draw something immediately after you've thought of it. I have a lot of things I've just squirreled away for later. And in the same vein its okay to drag something old up that you've never used and try to work with it.

I almost always put on music while I'm trying to think of things. Something I feel fits the mood of what I'm doing tonally. And then I usually just put the same song on repeat, though some people im sure would feel like that is psychological torture. But its helpful to me.

This might sound silly if you're someone who leaves the house a societally normal amount, but I try to go out into the world and do things so I get new ideas and experiences I can build on. Sometimes those things are literally just "go to the park", but sometimes it's venturing out somewhere several hours away or doing an activity i'd never care to do normally... I try to take note of anything that stood out to me and write down thoughts or feelings I had during.

When it comes to trying to be "funny", you should try to make yourself laugh first. Not only because you want your comics to bring yourself joy, but also because its just hard to make stuff you don't care about (And harder to be consistent about it). Though if you think of something and you don't really think its funny, you don't have to throw it away! You might be surprised what other people end up liking. So don't kill yourself to write jokes you yourself don't really get, but if your brain spits out something on its own you dont care much for, it still may be gold to someone else.

It's okay to make comics about simple and relatable things. People love relating. And depending on what you're writing about, that relatability may be really needed!

Everyone has something of value to say. Even if you yourself don't feel like the things you're saying matter, or that they're too silly or un-serious to matter. They matter.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Hey there

What do you think of the show pulling a Philip J Fry on Alix as per Thomas’s Twitter? And how season 5 began with “thanks for saving our lives, now get the fuck out of reality”? Personally, I would have made the duo a trio and try to get all hands on deck

I thought it was super weird and didn't really understand the in-universe logic for why Alix needed to run away. I do get the meta logic, but we'll get to that in a bit. For now, let's focus on how the show tried to justify it. This is the dialogue when Alix gets her mission:

Ladybug: Once we have retrieved the Miraculous of time, you won't return it to me. You'll have to continue wearing it in order to protect it, until Monarch is defeated. Alix: Keep it? That means... Ladybug: (crestfallen) You won’t be able to return to this time right away.

Alix keeping the miraculous makes sense, but her not being able to return to her own time doesn't. What are they worried about that doesn't apply to Ladybug and Chat Noir, too? It's not like Alix's identity was outed at any point. The miraculous would have been perfectly safe in her pocket, so that's a terrible reason to send a 15-year-old girl wandering through time with no support system.

This oddness is not helped by Future Alix's presence in both this episode and Chat Blanc. It shows us that Future Alix can mess with the past for some reason, meaning that there's no reason for her past self to go on a solo mission. If things get too bad, then Future Alix can just come back to the past and fix it.

It would have made way more sense if future Alix wasn't a thing and if the rabbit was the one miraculous Monarch didn't get, leading Ladybug to give the rabbit to Alix for safe keeping. Alix would then offer to go back to the past and change things, but Ladybug would refuse and say, "You can't change your own past! But you can protect our future. Now that Monarch is so close to reaching his goal, I need my hero of last resort to make sure he doesn't win." Then Alix could either go off to monitor the time stream or Fluff could say that it was time to start Alix's training so she knew when a situation was dire enough that it was time to interfere, thereby implying that Alix might help, but wouldn't in most cases.

Of course, those fixes fall flat since Monarch does win, but I guess that's fine since neither version of Alix stopped it? Why the wish was fine, but Chat Blanc wasn't is beyond me.

This is the problem with introducing a time traveler to your show and not giving them clear rules that prevent them from helping. It fills the story with plot holes, which is the meta reason why Alix was shipped off. The writers quickly realized that the villain really couldn't have time travel powers, so they got the miraculous back to Ladybug and then removed it from play because they had no idea how to handle time travel given how badly they've mismanaged it so far.

Almost everything that happens in Evolution is there for a similar reason. Nothing about its plot makes sense and it seems obvious to me that the events of this episode are just a sloppily attempt to fix time-travel plot holes and to make season five's plot work even though it goes against established characterization.

For example, this episode sees Gabriel give up saving Emilie because he's too tempted by the idea of beating Ladybug. This makes no sense because Gabriel has never put defeating Ladybug above saving those he loves. He's actually given up potential victories when the cost to his loved ones was too high. It's not like the writers forgot about this trait either because they bring it back to "redeem" him in the final. If he hated Ladybug more than he loved Emilie, then the season couldn't end with him listening to Ladybug and changing his wish, so him choosing fighting Ladybug over saving Emilie at the start of the season makes no sense since his character supposedly gets worse as the season goes on.

This one-off sloppy change to his character was only there so that the writers could give Nathalie an excuse to no longer support Gabriel, which is really dumb because Nathalie doesn't see Gabriel pick Ladybug over Emilie. Given that Ladybug always wins no matter how clever Gabriel's plans are, it's straight up insane for Nathalie to assume that this time was any different. Just look at this dialogue, she has no idea what happened in the burrow! She just randomly assumes the worst after three seasons of blindly following him to the point where she is actively dying because of her blind faith in Gabriel:

Nathalie: (on-call) Gabriel, did it work? Gabriel: No, Ladybug tricked me! She stole the Time Miraculous from me! (Nathalie coughs from her sickness.) You have to help me! Come up with a new plan! Ladybug can’t get away with this! Nathalie: (on-call) You had the Time Miraculous. You could’ve chosen to save Emilie! You could’ve chosen to save me! (coughs) But instead, you chose your obsession with Ladybug and Cat Noir. You're insane, Gabriel! Gabriel: (stuttering and panicking) I-It’s not my fault! It was Ladybug!!

I'd like to take a moment to remind you that one of the times Gabriel gave up winning for the sake of a loved one was when he chose Nathalie over defeating Ladybug! Why is Nathalie so certain that he acted differently here???

Circling back to your terrific trio idea, while I do like the idea of there being a larger team (but not a team of 18), Alix is the last character I'd chose for that team. It's nothing against her character. I like Alix! The problem is that her power set is broken. If she was there, then we'd be asking why she doesn't just undo the events of the season four finale or use her powers to track down Monarch's identity because canon has failed to explain why those aren't options.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think that the time traveler we see should be one of the modern kids. It just introduces too many plot holes. I think Bunnyx should be someone from the past who is watching their own future and interfering based on very clear rules that leave them almost no room to help. I think it's fine if Alix is the holder who will follow this random person from the past, but we should never see future Alix and current Alix should never mess with current affairs. Which basically means that I'd never use the rabbit for an episode focused on Ladybug and Chat Noir. I'd use it for "filler" episodes that are just about Alix learning to use her powers, which is a pretty huge deviation from the show.

[dangermousie]

Something that struck me on this rewatch - how it's equally important that 17 fell for XY without knowing what she actually looks like (so there is really no element of physical desire there at the start - it's vvvv much a Victorian "I love you for your soul" set up) AND that for XY from the very start any feeling she had for 17 in large part relied on what he looks like and her finding those looks hella appealing. Long before she loved him or even liked him, she lusted after his bod etc.

Because for XY, even she herself doesn't know what her "true" look is like - she's been stuck in the transformation and cannot get out (when earlier she refused to show 17 her true face it's not even that she doesn't want to, she literally cannot) - it is super important for her to love her for what she is innately and she feels divorced from her actual look/her not looking like a beautiful high born woman for so long is such a part of her that I think she would always hold herself at a remove from someone she thought fell for her in part for her looks since she has such a fraught relationship with her identity and her looks are a huge part of it. It is so important to her that looks don't matter to him at all, since her identity/soul are so divorced from her body, through no choice of hers.

BUT!

It's the inverse for Tushan Jing. We are told repeatedly he was viewed as this beautiful peerless young master, with women swooning about his supposed perfection blah blah. But when XY lusts after him, he's no longer that. After his brother's torture (which was very much directed at ruining his perfection - it's the same reason Hou ruined his hands that were known for playing the qin; he scarred him all over very deliberately - in the novel they mention he had to go to great trouble to find some plant which is the only one that is applied meticulously can cause scarring to stick), his body is a complete wreck - he looks so hideous under his clothes that his fiancee who is planning to marry him no matter what for nefarious reasons can't even bear to pretend when she sees the damage and runs off for a bit. Even his well-meaning friends, like the rich girl Feng Long's sister whose name utterly escapes me, view him as seriously damaged. And here comes XY who is blushing and running off when he's barely well enough to stand, bandaged like he's auditioning for The Mummy and his scars are fresh as hell, who later obsesses over his hair like he's some sort of dude Lady Godiva etc etc. It is VERY clear that she finds him sexy as fuck, limp and ruined voice and horrible scars and all, and for someone with his issues - not just having his sense of self demolished, but having to live physically flawed in a flawless world, especially when he was viewed as perfect even by those insane standards before, is so so so necessary.

[dre6ming]

Playing for keeps

Chapter I

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin Butler x Y/n

Plot: Austin is the next in line for the throne, but he can’t be king if he doesn’t have a wife. In your country tradition says that a selection formed of 35 young women must be formed for the prince to find a wife. You are obligated by circumstances to participate against your will. What are the chances that you might be the next queen? None right? Right?

Warning: none

Word count: ~4000

"To heal the soul by the means of the senses and the senses by the means of the soul" or something like that, is what Oscar Wilde said to make me really understand why something so simple as feeling the bristles of my brush stroke the rough surface of the canvas. My lines look a little jagged today, my hand keeps shaking and no matter how many deep breaths I take, the rock sitting on my chest hasn't gotten any lighter.

Thirty five, what a strange and odd number, why so many? Why not more or less? Did they have a mathematician who centuries ago did the math for them and concluded that thirty five was the lucky number to find a wife out? I take a deep breath as the word "wife" bounces off of the walls of my skull. It's not just a wife, it's the future queen.

It's been a little more than 30 years since the last selection, when queen Lori was selected out of the bunch by King David and now the result of their successful selection, their son, prince Austin, is about to have his very own selection. All of the girls in the kingdom between the ages 18-22 were asked to submit an entry into the competition, to hopefully end up being the princess of the kingdom and the future queen.

Emphasis on the word "asked" , we were not obligated to do it, at least not by our government, our parents however? Well the forced me to apply, dragged me down to the office where the applications were collected and made me sign up.

"Y/n it's time, come come sit!!" My mom shouts for me and I put down the paint brush, wiping my hands on a rag, brushing back some hair as I make my way to the very small, very crowded living room. My mom , dad and all my 5 siblings are spread around the tv, watching it like hawks. "Come sit!" Mom pats the spot next to her on the couch and I squeeze between her and my older sister.

I can't help but feel angry at the whole situation, my parents live in a poorer side of the country and the fact that they had 7 kids did not help, I'm right in the middle, being the 4th to be born, my older siblings, are married off to their own households where the also pop baby after baby, that is except for one of my eldest siblings, my sister Hannah, who's the reason why mom put me into the selection in the first place.

To back track a bit and explain, my parents met and got married when they were 20 years old, my brother Josh came a year later, he's now 26 married and expecting child number three, his income already stretched thin. Then came Anna, she's 24 she married in a more stable family, but with baby number two, turning into babies number 2 , 3 and 4, yes that's triplets that she's having, money is low. Mark, 22 now, not married, he's actually, well we don't know, he ran away with a girl from around here, we haven't heard anything in years and since we barely have time to live our own lives and win enough for a living, we've put him aside. My sister Hannah, 22 as well, she's Marks twin, she's supposed to marry, but the guy she chose is from a family of twelve and they have little to no money.

Then there's me, Y/n, 20 being auctioned away in the hopes that the weekly allowance my family will get for my participation would be enough for my sister's wedding and some other things for my youngest siblings. After me my parents had kids 2 more times, Kyle 14 and then the other set of twins, this time identical Tana and Lane, 10 years old.

My mom works as a nurse and my dad is a retired guard from our region. Money is low so we all have to work, but with 2 siblings out of the house and one waiting to marry, we lost working hands. I sell paintings on commission and I also work at the local bakery to try and make some extra money, but it's not enough to support me, mom and my younger siblings. Which is why I was forced by mom to join the selection, the family of the girl competing gets a weekly allowance for as long as she stays in the game, not to mention the chance of actually being queen.

As names are being drawn on tv I can feel everyone in the room tense as the 34th girl gets called out and it's not me, I had 34 chances and I lost them all, now I get one more, but I hope I'll lose again. I don't want to go, I don't want to meet the prince or be his wife, I'm not meant to be queen, I'm just not.

My breath gets caught in my chest as the host, Lucas, puts his hand back in the bowl of names. My ears are ringing as he read the name and I almost faint seeing my picture there. "You got it, hon, good job!" Mom says and all of my present siblings start to chant my name, happy for me. I can barely hear them though, so I get up with tears in my eyes, brushing everyone off, walking out, out of the room, out of the house.

My bare feet, touch the sharp gravel, but I can't give into the pain, all I know is I need to run, run for now, or at least until tomorrow when the people from the palace will be at my door to package me up and send me to their prince. Staring out into the midnight sky, I could see everything I had being ripped apart, I didn't have much, but I had enough. Dropping to the ground and letting the cold grass soak my thin cotton dress, I close my eyes, scared to death about the outcome of what I had just gotten myself into.

The next time I open my eyes, two guards from the royal guard stand in my door and my mom hands me a bag I didn't pack, pushing me out the door. I take one last look back at the people I'm leaving behind and I tell myself I have to at least make it a few weeks, so that my sister could use the money for her wedding, then I'd come back and move to a richer part of the country, where I wouldn't be able to ever see my family. Those are the rules, after you get into the game, when you live you have a higher status and income so they move you and you can no longer interact with your past the way you used to.

Watching my step getting out of the car that took me from the airport to here, I take in the palace, with it's high towers and beautiful architecture. People are outside, forming a pathway for us to walk as they chant different names of other girls who also got selected. I am so out my element here, the dress my mom picked for me was too tight and itchy, the high heel shoes hurt my feet and my hands were sweating too much. "Here it goes!" I say under my breath stepping forward and into the unknown building. The inside even more beautiful than I could describe, high ceilings with crystal chandeliers, gold accents and mahogany furniture, underneath my heels white marble floors.

"Ladies! Welcome, I am Silvia and I'll be you're etiquette advisor and teacher, I'll also be your voice here, anything you need, you ask me and I'll make it happen if it within my powers. You will now be less to yours rooms where you will meet your maids, they will help you with hair, make up and clothes and anything else you might need. Dinner will be served in your rooms tonight and breakfast is at 7 am tomorrow, after breakfast you will each get to talk with the prince and get to know him. I've left some pages on your beds with instructions about tomorrow as well as the schedule of our classes. Good evening going forward!" The tall blonde woman left our sight walking gracefully in her long gown. I wonder if I'll ever be like her? Back so straight, shoulders so strong, hair so put together, make up so natural yet so beautiful, voice so clear, everything about her spoke volumes on everything I was not. I don't know how they expect me to last a day here.

In my room, I stand and wonder how can a place for one person be the size of my home which currently houses 7, now that two of my siblings had moved out. "Lady Y/n!" Two petite women curtesy in front of me, they look like sisters, about the same age as me, but one of them looks a bit older. "Just Y/n" I lick my lips fiddling with my fingers. The older one nods, smiling. "A-and you are?" They seem confused by my question. "Your maids lady!" The other one explains in a sweet voice.

"Yes no, I know, I meant, your names, what are your names?" I ask again hoping I'm not making them uncomfortable. "I'm Jules and she's my older sister Jane, we're very happy and honored to meet you, lady Y/n" I nod, smiling as well, as they start pacing around the room fixing things up. My eyes watch them move, mesmerized by how synchronized they are. "Can you stand and turn around lady Y/n? We have the water running in the tub, so you can take a bath."

I stand and turn so that Jules could undo my dress, then sliding my arms through the silk robe. "Just Y/n please!" I ask again, all these official things making me uncomfortable. "Lady Y/n, if I may-" I open my mouth to correct Jane, but she puts her hand up stopping me. "You are now a lady, his majesty will refer to you as such and you have to keep to these titles, at least until you get to know him better." I nod at her kind advice and follow her into the bathroom, where she helps me step into the tub, taking my robe away and checking the water temperature one last time. "Well relax lady Y/n, when you're ready, call for us and we will get you ready for bed."

Before she leaves me to my own, I dare to ask her one more thing. "Jane, is he nice?" I ask, this being the first time I actually my curiosity about the prince, spiked ever since I was selected. Jane gives me a soft smile, fixing the creases on her apron. "That's for you to decide lady Y/n, but his majesty, prince Austin has always been well liked by the staff." She leaves before I get to asks anything more and I take that as her polite way of saying that's how much she's allowed to say.

The bed here is so much softer than the one at home, the one I uncomfortably share with my twin sisters. The sheets are so soft and silky, it feels like I could turn to fast and fly off the bed. Jules and Jane left shortly after, brushing my hair back and helping me into my silk night gown. Even in this big room, air feels compressed and I want to walk, so I find myself putting on my slippers , taking a moment to look at them, I've never had slippers before. I the dark of the room I make out the location of the door and I turn the knob slowly, trying to make no sound.

I feel a cool breeze brushing my bare legs and I follow it thinking this could be the way to find a door leading outside. Only thing stopping me are the two guards standing in front of it. "Miss are you lost?" One of them asks, making me blush, finally so aware of the fact that I left my room wearing only my thin silky night gown. "N-no, I was wondering how to get to the garden." I say hoping my voice didn't sound too shaky. "No can do miss, you need to get back to your room." The guard tells me, his eyes staring straight ahead. "Please, I, I just need a moment." I beg, taking a step closer and that's when they both move their eyes to look at me, their mean stares making me shiver. "Not allowed, back to your room miss!" The other guard speaks.

Suddenly another set of steps are heard and the guards stand straighter. I don't dare to make a move and look at who it might be. "Your majesty!" They say in unison and the blood freezes in my veins. I've never heard him speak before, his voice sounds so clear, a bit raspy, but still sweet, like warm honey. "Lay her be!"

"Your majesty, we can't-" the guard protests. "I said let her be, open the doors!" They do as he says and I don't wait to walk out, the cold air hitting my warm skin leaving goosebumps. "Stay 5 minutes, then back to your room, if you won't go willingly they have my permission to drag you there." I stop and without turning around I say. "Thank you, your majesty!" My voice sounding like it's under water.

I didn't stay too long after I heard him walk away, running back to my room almost immediately after. Sleep came to me easily after that, but I still felt restless now as Jane brushed my hair into a braid. They put me into a floor length light green dress, with beautiful lace details all around the corset. I looked like a princess this morning when I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn't believe it and then for just a moment too long I had questioned why I pushed this competition away so vehemently. That last thought however got send back to the depth of my mind and I was now patiently waiting for my turn with the prince, tormented by the wonder of whether he would recognize me from last night or not. 

At last my turn comes and I get up from my seat, fixing my dress as I walk with my head down toward the table where he awaits for me. Sitting down, I still keep my eyes on the ground scared to look at him, feeling my heart thudding against my corset concealed chest. "Y/n? Right? Pleased to meat you, I do hope you're feeling better." His voice comes out first, breaking the silence and making me finally look at him. I had seen him on tv, but the screen did him no justice, the blue in his eyes is so electric, the gold in his hair, is so endearing, my fingers itched with the wish to have a feel at it, his pink lips look so soft and warm. Everything about him is inviting and the way he seats in his chair, leaned back with his legs crossed, his chin in his hand, makes him look so young and careless, which he is, being only 22 and a prince. 

"Yes, your majesty, I'm quite well, thank you!" I blush deeply, my hands clutching the material of my dress in a stupid attempt to calm my nerves. Austin's eyes move to my hands and back to my face, a concerned look painting on his god like face. "Are you all right? Lady Y/n?" He asks, changing his position in the chair, leaning towards me. "If you're not feeling well, I can have for the doctor to come and see you later Lady Y/n." He says in a whisper. The word doctor makes me immediately let go of my dress and smooth down the creases, breathing deeply. "I am fine your majesty, it's all nerves." 

Austin hums and I expect him to go back to his previous sitting position, but he doesn't, he actually leans a bit closer if that were possible. I can now smell his woodsy cologne and a warm fuzzy feeling takes over my body. "You don't need to be nervous, I'm just a boy, just as you are just a girl-".

"But you're not" I find myself rudely interrupting him. "You're going to be king some day and 35 women were randomly chosen to come here and allow you to peruse them. 35 is a strangely small number compared to all the women out there that could be potentially way better for you than any of us."

"Then why come here? Why put your name in the ballot in the first place?" He asks and I can't read if he's been offended by what I said or not. "Your majesty, I apologize!" I look away from him and I can't help but notice that the other girls are all watching us, just like I had watched the previous ones when they were up here. I can only imagine they are analyzing if he likes me better or not. 

"Don't apologize, keep talking, I feel you have a point." Austin urges me and I bite my tongue. "Lady Y/n, my situation is unique, but I have no choice, it does not matter if the love of my life is someone outside these walls, I am not allowed to meet them. So please keep talking!" I feel sad for him, it's clear he's thought the same thing as me, what if his one true love is not one of us, but he's obligated to choose one of us either way. 

"My favorite book, "Withering highlights" the protagonists were not allowed to love each other but they did and the impossibility of being together killed them, had they not ever met, they would've been able to love someone else and live. I think what I said is quite wrong your majesty, maybe neither of us will be the love of your life, but with time you might find someone among us, that you could learn to love and survive." 

Austin opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn't get the chance, since it's announced that our time is up and I must go in order for the next girl to come. I get up breathless and do a very bad curtesy. 

The rest of the day I can't help but feel like I'm sitting on egg shells, I knew I had let my stupid mouth speak before I gave to much thought, but something about him made me feel like I could speak my heart. Jane brushes my hair, as Jules arranges things around the room,  taking the pillows off the bed and putting in place the last things for me to go to bed. 

A knock on my door makes Jane jump as she brushes my hair and Jules goes to open the door. "Your majesty!" I hear Jules say and so I turn to see him, in all his glory, wearing the same dark brown suit from breakfast, only he's discarded the jacket and the tie, a few of the buttons from his shirt being undone and revealing some of his chest, the sleeves are rolled up and this look suits him much better than the previous. Realizing I was just sitting and staring, I quickly get up and curtesy. "Your majesty!" 

"How would you like a stroll out in the gardens, Lady Y/n?" Austin's voice is calm and my ears are ringing, so I barely make out what he's saying, but I nod. "Yes, um Jules, my robe please!" I say, remembering I'm just wearing my night gown, which was very inappropriate. "Lady Y/n!" Austin extends his hand and I walk the few steps over to him, putting my significantly smaller arm around his. 

He takes the lead and walks us out of my room and to the gardens. My thoughts are racing, I'm not stupid I know he could have every advantage right now to try and make an inappropriate move onto me, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy, but how does that kind of guy look anyway. 

"You're awfully quiet." He says as we walk through the dimly lit gardens. "I was waiting on you your majesty." He stops and turns to look at me. "Why so?" Austin asks blinking. I simply shrug my shoulders. 

He sighs and licks his lips, walking further into the gardens without another word. The whole situation is rather spooky and I can't help the anxiety building up inside me. Soon we get to a table, decorated with candles and flowers, steaming cups of tea resting on it. "I thought we might enjoy some hot tea, it's a bit chilly out." He pulls my chair out for me and I sit down hesitant. 

"Tell me more about you, your favorite book is "Withering highlights", what else do you like?" It takes me a moment to realize that he is being serious I can't stop the giggle that comes out. Confusion is once again shown on his face, but this time is accompanied by something else, the corner of his mouth slightly pointing up, he's amused too. "You really want to know?" 

"Well I must find a wife somehow." The breath gets knocked out of me by his statement, for a split second I had forgotten why I was here, to play in the game of selection. 

"I like to bake and knit, I make clothes for my siblings all the time, but by far my favorite thing is painting, there's something so strange about being able to use my own hands to capture a moment I time li you would a picture." He looks at me as I talk and something in his demeanor tells me he's actually interested. 

"Picture, I, well I don't paint, but I do enjoy photography." He admits, his eyes glimmering with excitement. "Really? And what do you find best to photograph? Objects, humans or nature?" I ask, Austin blushing slightly. "All, I can't say I'm that good, I don't have enough time to dedicate to the hobby, but I enjoy it." 

"I don't believe that you must show me one day, any kind of art is good art. I don't have any of my paintings here, but perhaps if I got the supplies I could paint you something!" I propose, trading the experience of showing off our works of art. "Perhaps one day." Austin says absentmindedly, clearing his throat before getting up. "It's late, I should escort you back to your room!" He says hastily. 

I don't bring up how neither of us even touched the tea or what a short time had passed since we got here, the tea still steaming in the cups. Something about him has changed, he's much colder, stiffer if you may. No more words are exchanged between us, except the good night he rapidly wishes me, before walking away.

I'm left confused and with another feeling stuck in my heart, because for a moment there I actually let myself go and I got happy? Maybe, I don't know. 

Sleep came to me very difficult and when I woke up this morning I had a headache, I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. As Jules is complaining that I had tangled my hair so bad in my sleep another knock is heard and my heart stopped. Is this hope I'm feeling? Hope that is Austin? 

"Lady Y/n, a package for you!" Jane announces. 

I get up taking the note from her hand, looking at the huge box that bigger than her. I open the small envelope and the first thing I notice is the very clean and neat handwriting. 

 <Lady Y/n,

I hope you will forgive me for leaving so hastily as I did last night, but I figured that our encounter wasn't quiet up to etiquette and in fear of damaging you or me, I thought it better continue some other time. Please forgive me and accept this gift, I hope you'll have a painting to show me soon enough

A.B>

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[strawberry-spectre]

Kieran Valentine Analysis

I love Valentine so damn much because although everything we know abt him is so limited he's still such an interesting character with so much depth. (buckle in cuz this a long one-) (￣y▽,￣)╭

The way he kept stealing love because he thought that's what he was suppose to do caused by his struggle between his sense of morality and what he felt compelled to do is always so interesting to me. Even more so since the reasons for this type of struggle could be caused by a feeling of dissatisfaction with his own life. It makes sense because in his diary, esp May 3rd, it implies that the only reason he was stealing love was to fit in and his lack of identity as an emotional vampire. I find it interesting however, that he wrote 'I thought that's what emotional vampires were supposed to do', does that mean he came to that conclusion himself or was he influenced by other, more expeirenced vampires? Maybe he saw how some of the blood drinking vampires took as much blood from their victims as they wished without feeling guilty about it and applied that to his situation? Maybe he wasn't shown any better way so he took what he could and ran with it? Another thing is how he wrote 'But I was just a real pain in the fang to everyone and made a fool of myself'. While it obviously is talking about the Drac 1600th event I wonder if he has also felt this way before that? Like 400, 600, even 1000 years ago? Also, if he knows internally, all along that what he was doing was wrong, how did he feel when he saw that shelf of broken heart trophy collection? In the movie he was pretty smug about it but what if it's another facade?

This is a pretty far fetched theory but what if those 3 gigachad clouds are the physical embodiments of Valentine's thoughts and expectations he has for himself? I mean some of the symbolisms that clouds carry are:

burdens

secrets (like an invisible message)

emotions (how fitting-)

difficult times

Of course clouds also have positive symbolisms like transition, which is kinda funny because once he started to realise what he was doing, and chose to change his ways, those clouds also disappeared. And if those clouds are the embodiments of his expectations then it makes sense why they always follow Valentine around, always says something that compliments what Val says, and why Val always seems to be putting on a performance when they're around (its a subtle difference but it's there).

And now Valentine is healing from all of that, I really love how he runs into trouble along the way but manages to fix it because it's so realistic and I love it sm. I also love how even after he realises what love really is, makes atrempts to better himself, make it up to the people he's hurt and meet a new friend (Spelldon), he still has those days where he's depressed (I was tempted to stay in my room today and treat myself to a monstrous blue funk), but he still chooses to make the decision of walking aimlessly instead of staying in his room. Like bros better than I could ever be and it shows how the path to healing isnt just 'boom I'm happy I'm fine' but rocky and filled with ups and downs.

When he met Whisp, he tried to use his wishes to solve his problems for him but it didn't work. Because you can't just fix all your problems and pretend like it never happened, you have to accept it and try to be better. Just a little analysis on this one sentence ''I've never had a friend like her, and once my last wish is granted, the lantern will move on, and I will probably never see her again''. It feels strangely depressing in a way that I can't explain, esp the 'the lantern will move on, and I will probably never see her again'. Is this implying that Valentine was afraid that Whisp would forget him? Or maybe that he sees Whisp as better than him and will succeed in becoming a better monster while he sees his attempts as futile? I think that Valentine was afraid that Whisp was simply doing her job and didn't see him as a friend (even tho thats not true), so could this be a sign that he's still struggling with insecurity with his self-worth? I mean it's only been like 3 months but still-

Like I think the reason why I love him sm is because he's such a deep character with the 5 bits of info we got on him and I see so much of myself in him :,)) I honestly don't think any of this was planned by the MH team and it was a 'oh haha it fits' thing but still (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) And I love how Valentine ends his diary with "Yes, Mother, I'm talking to myself down here." like bro canonically talks to himself he's so me (✿◕‿◕✿)

watch this flop lmao

[sapphorror]

Now that you have read the ZimVoid arc, what are your toughts on Zib and Za2r (Zib❤Zim2[2im{twoim}])?

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!! alright, maybe I was definitely going to say this all anyway, but now I have a decent excuse to braindump it all at once instead of trying to write, I don't know, coherent analysis.

Yeah, I'm obsessed with this guy. I'm still only just starting to build a proper 3D model of him in my head, so don't take anything I rave about here too seriously, but my god is Zib something else. Also, really cute. No one told me he'd be cute and I wasn't at all equipped to deal with what I got. I was operating under the assumption he was going to be at least a LITTLE cool, but this is the most pathetic wet meow meow of a character I have ever seen, and that is no small statement.

(Also also, is it just me, or does the way Zib's drawn remind anyone else of rubber hose animation like, moreso than the comics artstyle generally does? I can't quite pin down what's making it feel that way, but I like it. Gives him Vibes™, y'know?)

Anyway. Fusions like Zib are always going to be fun, just for what they imply about their component characters and the game of trying to identify what characteristics come from where. And Zib is especially fun for this because Zim and Dib are such similar people to begin with. It honestly doesn't surprise me that the Zimfluence went initially unnoticed by our Dib, not just because he's more prone to cognitive bias than he likes to believe, but because there are so many overlapping traits between these two guys that Zib wasn't so much altered by the fusion as he was exacerbated. They blend seamlessly to the point it's really hard to pick out where one ends and the other begins, and in a different kind of story, Dib might actually be forced to reflect on what that implies about him and his motivations. As is, he's just going to keep fooling himself, though.

Probably the most obvious dichotomy between them, at least where it applies to Zib, is motive, and that definitely brings up some interesting questions. When he chooses to take over the Earth, is that the Zim side disguised by Dib-passing justifications, or does it say a whole lot more about Dib's actual loyalty to the Earth against his loyalty to opposing Zim than anyone would really like it to? How about the total lack of internal conflict when it comes to decimating the Armada and wrecking the Irken Empire? What does that say about Zim's ultimate loyalties?

Granted, I am at this point pretty certain Zib didn't just put on the PAK and call it a day, I think he took precautionary measures to ensure that the Dib half remained the 'dominant' personality, given that in 10 Minutes to Doom we see him completely subsumed by Zim's coding, so this isn't a perfect equal split. But it is still a split—Zib clearly did not have the foresight to account for everything, if he even wanted to—and the fact he prepared himself for this is itself interesting, because it means the decision was premeditated, not done on a whim during some momentary mental break. This might even be why he's half-Irken; instead of the PAK altering his biology, maybe Zib altered his biology so it could survive the long-term integration of the PAK. And isn't it just insane to imagine any version of Dib willingly body-horroring himself like that, stripping away his own humanity? When he accused our Dib of being just another ignorant human, could that maybe be a sign that he didn't want to have anything in common with those people anymore?

None of this is what really gets me about Zib, though. This is.

Admittedly, I'm sort of predisposed here, because I have this whole Thing about Dib's unfaltering belief he can somehow prove himself to humanity, despite all evidence to the contrary, being in essence identical to Zim's delusion that he's already adored by all... that's it's whole own post, tbh, but my point is Dib's ostracization wouldn't be solved by exposing Zim, and it's fun to see that explicitly confirmed.

But it's also more specific than that. Because what Zib was forced to realize here is that he destroyed the only person capable of actually caring about him. And that's why the Zimvoid is the Zimvoid, isn't it? Zib could've used those portals to escape anywhere or lure in anything, but instead he does this. Part of that's the obsessive need to succeed where he'd previously failed and decimate the Armada (+ repeatedly 'defeat' Zim because he's still too emotionally stunted to understand that's not actually what he needs), and I think all of that is important, but there's also something to be said about how deeply driven Dib is by the desire for external validation, and here he went and fused himself with the one person in the universe who might be even more love-hungry than he is. Zib's not afraid of being alone simply because he dislikes isolation—I mean, even within the Zimvoid, he still physically and ESPECIALLY emotionally isolates himself from the other Zims. Being the only person left in his reality means there's no one to admire his greatness, and given who he's a combination of, of course that's his worst nightmare. And ridiculous as it may be, he understands that Zim is the only person who's ever given him that kind of attention. So why not make a whole planet of them? Why not trick them into idolizing him? I mean, who else could even matter besides Zim?

Also? This one's sort of auxiliary to the last point, but there is something deeply, deeply sexy and thematically chewy in Dib wanting/needing Zim so badly that he quite literally became him, and that not being enough. I mean, what is the Zimvoid but a huge collector's display? And it's exactly this that makes him the architect of his own ultimate tragedy. I have a thing for characters who damn themselves not through any single choice, but by passing up a million little opportunities to save themselves, totally confident in their decisions right up til the moment it actually is too late. He could've used those portals to escape to another timeline. He could've designed the Zimvoid as anything other than a ticking timebomb of lies, conflict, and an ever inflating population of lunatics. He could've given up on his destructive plans and just enjoyed the huge fucked up harem he built for himself. He could've quit while he was ahead.

And the really funny thing is, even after the collapse of the Zimvoid, his total isolation is still a consequence of his own actions. I mean, the Zim from his own timeline literally cannot be taken away from him through any method short of murder. He's still right there. But by winning, by possessing his Zim to the point of consumption, Zib defeated the entire purpose of having Zim in the first place. They'll never be separated, and that's exactly the reason why he'll always be alone.

As for ZA2R... hm. I'm not sure if I have much to say about them just yet, but suffice to say I am Deeply Compelled. I'm always weak for that (false) god x worshipper dynamic. It's about someone as lonely and broken and closed off as Zib finding out the hard way that they're still capable of genuine love, no matter how bad they are at it, and there's something very special in every Zim's desire to be someone's favorite being so specifically exploited. I mean, the dynamic of highest subordinate is essentially identical to the one Zim likes to imagine he has with the Tallest, only actually real. Dishonest and exploitative, to be sure, but still real. And hey, important question, but what about #2's personal Dib and the fact Zib is always going to be implicitly competing against the person actually cosmically destined for his partner, because he fucked his own cosmic destiny up so badly? Or the inevitable spectacle of Dib's semi-latent yandere tendencies being brought to bear against himself?

Also! Shameless Homestuck chatter, but I take so much joy in pale ZADR dynamics (black diamond romance my beloved), and the fun thing about ZA2R is that their default pacifier/pacified dynamic swaps. In, uh, normal person terms, they've managed to contrive themselves a situation in which Zim is actually the comparatively sane/stable one, keyword comparatively, and being worked to death about it. There's nothing I love more than a justified role reversal, y'know?

THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT FOR NOW but like I've been thinking about these guys nonstop for 24 hours already, I WILL be losing my mind about them again. I don't know when, I don't know how, but it's gonna happen.

[plusvanity]

This may be a rather stupid question, but do you think Varg is capable of being honest to himself?

It's not a stupid question, but a thought-provoking one.

Theoretically, he could ONLY if he would let go of his false ego and look inside, but it's really not that easy.

You see, one of the most fundamental conditions of suffering from NPD is the inability to perceive who you truly are inside. Your identity is a blur. You think you know who you are and what you firmly stand for only to realize seconds later that you don't know anything, that what you identify with isn't you anymore or had never been you in the first place, and you search to actualize yourself again and again.

This deeply-rooted inability comes from a permanent failure in the 'separation & individuation' phase in which the mother allows the child to develop a personality, to become different from her. As you probably guessed, this happens in the early stage of development and it's mandatory for the child.

If a child doesn't separate and individuate from their mother, this will come to be the recipe for narcissism. This of course applies to Varg too.

So, a first problem would be his inability to find his true self because his false self serves as a barrier between him and the world. The false ego is a very skilful survival mechanism, it exists to assure you that 'nothing can touch you/ hurt you anymore'.

There are many types of narcissists out there. I see Varg as switching from overt to covert and vice-versa at convenient times. Naturally, he was more covert when he grew up, being more anxious and shy, but in time as he gathered popularity and made a name for himself, he rapidly turned overt (I would estimate this change around the time he met Øystein). He is also a cerebral narcissistic rather than a somatic one, so his focus is on 'seeming intelligent'.

Someone who is obsessed about seeming intelligent and controversial with his opinions will have a very hard time looking inwards simply because he doesn't believe there is something inadequate with them.

I think if he ever had any kind of reflection onto himself, this must've happened while he was in prison. Why? Because prison strips you of all of your entitlement and narcissistic supply. All criminals are treated equally in prison, no one is special anymore. The unfortunate thing that happens is that when narcs get out of prison, they return immediately to their old ways.

Another reason why it is so hard to be sincere with himself is that narcissists dissociate under stressful situations. It goes like this: they do something wrong and have to suffer consequences, but they can't take the blame because the false ego HAS to protect them, so they dissociate when having to deal with the aftermath and they soon forget what they've done wrong. And then they do it again and again, without ever realizing that they make the same mistake all the time. Call it 'convenient amnesia'. This is why they never learn, this is why Varg never learns. Repetition & compulsion also make narcissists extremely predictable.

If untreated, NPD worsens in time. We see Varg becoming more and more delusional from one day to another, making it (at this point) impossible to search for honesty in himself. I don't give him many chances when it comes to self-sincerity, but one thing is certain. He KNOWS he is miserable. Deep down, he knows he is unhappy and unsatisfied with his life, but he didn't know 'why'. He's unable to see the process of his flawed mentality. He cannot put a name to what is wrong, but he feels it, and I have no doubt about that.

He will always remain angry at himself for good reasons. He ruined his life and wasted his best years in prison while all of his peers grew and evolved. He will always remain angry and obsessed with Øystein, blaming him for his misfortune because he's unable to see the errors in himself.

To find the problem and recognize the source would mean literally ego death for him. This is why if he EVER looked into himself, he didn't do it for long because he couldn't stand the truth that he sabotaged himself.

It will always be much easier for cowards to blame the world around them for everything that went wrong in their lives instead of themselves for their own bold stupidity and grandiose ego.

Varg is too much of a coward to accept who he is.

[twstmagica]

Magical Girl Yuu's First Day pt 2

It doesn't look like Fire Dude (Idia?) is gonna speak first

“So what did he mean by orientation?”

Muttering: “WTF are you stupid, how do you not know?”

“What was that”

“Ahhh, nothing”

Yuu gets the sneaking suspicion that this guy isn't going to be super helpful.

Fire Dude hunches further in on himself.

So orientation. That's like an introduction event for group stuff.

But what's with the robes?

Oh geez, is this a cult thing!?

Okay Yuu, gotta stay sharp. Play cool. Don't let him know you're onto them.

“Soooo will the leader be at orientation?”

Nailed it

“Huh?”

Did not nail it

Muttering: “what's with this weirdo.”

“Umm the headmaster will be there.”

bluff check passed

“Oki-doki, then I'll just save my questions for them. Please lead the way.”

Muttering: “I thought it couldn't get any worse than Malleus, but now I’m stuck with an escort quest for this newb.”

Well sorry Fire Dude. I didn't want to be kidnapped by your cult but sometimes these things happen.

They do eventually make it to a giant room with heck-ton of people in robes

Actually all these people seem to be guys.

Huh. That probably means something.

Yuu doesn't get a chance to ponder this mystery before a tall figure captures her attention.

Dressed differently from the others, this man has a snazzy tophat and bird mask hiding his identity, and wears a fancy suit and feathered jacket combo.

But the sleeves are hanging off his shoulders? Why not just wear a cape??

Uh oh. Bird-mask-top-hat man is heading straight for them.

Crowley is *!!!* at sight of the missing new student while Idia absconds the fuck out.

Fire Guy nooooo! We grew so close, why would you abandon me!?!

Birdman is gesticulating wildly as he talks.

“The nerve of kids these days!”

Ugh. This Birdman is squawking at Yuu about impatient students and she can't get a word in edgewise.

“I wasn't the one who-”

“Really, it seems each year students get worse!”

“No listen, there was this flaming raccoon-”

“Despite my hard work there's always something!”

“Bruh”

The child keeps trying to make excuses, but Crowley won't have any of it.

Fortunately the Headmaster of Night Raven is so generous, and only sends the delinquent to the back of the sorting line as punishment.

At this point Yuu is just going with the flow. Surely if the strange cult meant her harm they would be more menacing?

Yeah the birdman is super rude but he isn't actually hurting anyone. 

And if Yuu was listening right this is apparently some kind of school, so there should be staff or teachers around who can actually help.

Yuu figures she can just wait until another, less wacky adult, shows up.

Oh hey! Horn Guy from earlier is standing with Fire Dude and a few other fancier cultists (students?).

They make eye contact and Yuu smiles and gives a little wave

Horn Guy nods back with a slight smile.

Smile plus a nod means we’re basically allies now.

Yuu is pretty sure that's how this works. If this is a school then the same technique used for choosing a worksheet partner should apply here as well.

Meanwhile the other dorm leaders are wondering why tf this freshie is waving at The Malleus Draconia