#like tolerating is not the same as accepting

[fearecia]

This is probably going to come off as a trolling response, and for that I apologize. Please know that I'm engaging with this in a genuine desire to understand/figure things out. I'm also not super educated on a lot of things, including politics, so this may be my ignorance showing.

Also know that this is me baring my internal emotions and thoughts and not censoring myself. And I don't necessarily represent anyone or any group. I'm also trying to reconcile what's expected of me with my internal landscape.

Just... How? How can you not expect to be met with anger when trying to interact with the people that your previous actions and associations have so greviously wronged? How can you expect me to welcome you with open arms and understanding? Why am I required to be the gracious one? Why am I expected to turn the other cheek when I'm the one that has suffered? When I'm the one that's been afraid my whole fucking life?

You've held the proverbial knife that's cut me. That's shaped my life. I'm just supposed to look the other way because you claim you've put it down? I'm supposed to trust that you won't hurt me again, even unintentionally?

Yes, you walked away from a very toxic family. From an abusive relationship. You left behind comfort and safety for the unknown. That took guts and a willpower that not many understand. I applaud you for that. I understand the cost of walking away from abusers, of trying to repair the damage to your life that they caused. Of mourning everything lost because they kept it when you left. I also know that not everything can be fixed, and sometimes you just have to accept that it's gone forever. I also know what it's like to have to tolerate and play nice and hold my tongue when an abuser can't be fully removed from my life. Because they are family. And to not behave myself means costing me the rest of my family.

All this anger may make it seem like I hate you. I don't hate you. But I don't trust you either. And if you were a friend of mine that I was trying to help recover, there would be times that anger would slip through and show. Especially as I helped you unlearn all the things you were taught that are poison. When I called you out for the problematic thought patterns you engaged in unknowingly. Because dear gods, there's so much frustration lurking underneath the surface at all the ways people unknowingly hurt those around them. And some days I just don't have the spoons to keep it all in and be patient.. again. For the twentieth time. Because you aren't the only one I'm expected to patiently and personally educate.

I'm not perfect either. I know that. I suffer from similar problematic thought patterns and habits. I'm not always the best at listening when other people call me out either. I'm doing my best to work on it. Some days are better than others. Sometimes the anger at my own failings gets misdirected. I don't expect forgiveness for my wrongs. I expect to have to work for it. I just ask that people continue to hold me accountable, and if possible, please be patient with me. I'm not always going to get either of those things and I consider that to be fair. I'm the one that's screwed up, after all.

It would be easy to see all this as hate. Really, it's pain. It's grief. It's the reaction to growing up in a world that sees me as less than. As disposable. Where I have also been hated for simply existing. For daring to be smarter or more capable or in any way better than any male around me. Where I have to work three times as hard just to be considered on the same level as the men around me. And even then, my contributions will just result in more shit being piled on my plate with no recognition or recompense.

I'm assuming by "leftists" you mean "anyone not Republican" or maybe just "Democrats." I don't know. I've heard the term used to describe the nasty elements of the left, and I've heard it used to describe Democrats as a whole. The left has it's own version of MAGA. Every group has its bad apples. I think we usually try to call them out, distance ourselves, or otherwise not encourage them. This is a spot where my ignorance is going to show. I just know that the circles I run in don't hate people for having opposing views or for coming from the wrong background. Are we angry? Of course we are. We try to moderate ourselves and only engage when it's useful/helpful. Otherwise, we try to keep quiet and leave the interactions to the people who have the spoons to deal with it. As evidenced by this response, well, we don't always succeed in holding our tongues.

This is an extremely long winded way to say:

- If these people are spewing hate at you for existing, have you fallen in with the bad apples on our side?

- Is it possible you're misinterpreting corrections and anger and frustration as hate?

- If what I'm describing from my point of view is what you're referring to, what am I supposed to do with all this pain and anger? How am I supposed to treat you as a brother when you've been complicit in my pain? What gives you the right to even expect that from me?

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[mainfaggot]

it's so hard to be a lesbian in this household

[leverage-ot3]

parker in the inside job is so real to me

parker, who has had a very complicated relationship with the concept of ‘family’, who blew up her abusive foster parent’s house, who bounced around the foster system before ultimately making a run for it

who was caught pick pocketing a world-renowned thief and taken in under his wing where he molded her into the best thief that ever existed, where he then ‘released her into the world’

archie took her in, yes, but he didn’t really take her in. he kept her at arm’s length, letting her live in empty warehouses and learning how to pick locks and beat security systems instead of going to school or learning what familial love was

he raised her, but only barely

and leverage did a great job of adding subtleties to her to have her come off as neurodivergent, most likely autistic. she was never what society would deem as ‘normal’, especially back then. and then archie tells nate to his face that she would never fit in, not anywhere

(and nate is mad. eliot is mad. rightfully so.)

parker is different from most people, thinks differently and acts differently. but that’s not wrong, and not her fault. but archie couldn’t see past that and take her in as she truly was, not when he had an ‘actual’ family at home. she wouldn’t fit in and that was something he wasn’t willing to risk, try or explain

and then archie calls parker asking for her thoughts on the steranko situation and she doesn’t even hesitate because his family is on the line. his real family. and he’s her father in a way no one had ever been before and looked after her in the only way she knew how and that meant something to her and she couldn’t have something like that happen to him

not on her watch

[seriousbrat]

i hate the 'homophobic snape' thing a lot in general, i mean it's worth noting basically his only friend through most of the books is also the only gay character lol.

but the truth about snape is he doesn't give a shit about stuff like that. I don't think he would have rly known about it if (big if) any of the marauders were gay-- like being 100% realistic I don't think as a teenager in the 70s he'd be above using homophobia as an insult if it was someone he hated. but also if it was someone he was friends with (mulciber) he would be accepting/not care. similar to the werewolf thing, i don't doubt he was frequently extremely vicious and offensive to remus about it but if it had been someone he liked (so lily or mulciber) who was a werewolf he would have been pretty accepting of it imo. if it was a random student he wouldn't have cared.

that being said i often dislike homophobia plots in fic in general because they always seem so gratuitous and over the top. it's obviously using snape as a mouthpiece for the most extreme vile (and out of character) views so that the marauders are justified in bullying him. like i don't think he was woke and politically correct (clearly) but be fr he doesn't care that much. and it's not that i don't think people should explore homophobia in their own writing, obviously, explore away, this is just why i personally dislike the way it's handled a lot of the time. it just so often feels contrived and insensitive to me, kind of misery porn-ish if that makes any sense. like to what extent is it necessary i guess

[s-exy-sapphillean]

Ok i feel like i need to address this one

No shade to the person who left this in the tags but

Terfs are not co-opting a south korean movement, the south korean movement has been full of terfs from the beginning.

There was a split in the 2016 megalia movement over people using transphobic and homophobic slurs on the site, leading to those people creating the off-branch WOMAD. WOMAD isn't just full of transphobes and homophobes but also anti-labor-rights sentiment, literal nazis, and in 2017 a member proudly posted videos of her raping a child and the other members defended her through her arrest and conviction, harassing the victim's family and demanding her release.

Of course not everyone in the 4B movement supports this shit, the same way just because the "lets do 4B in america" thing is already largely supported by terf doesnt mean any person who has considered it is also a terf. there is no central leadership or anything like that and the group split off for a reason. But not tolerating straight up slurs didn't mean megalia did not still tolerate transphobia in general and it persists in the movement today. Groups of 4B activists have continued to harass plenty of korean trans women and run interference on them being accepted to women's universities and having access to protective measures from violence from men, etc.

A lot of korean women have good reason to believe for their own safety they need spaces without men but the exact same way this belief fuels terfism here, it does so in korea as well.

All the shit going on is already upsetting enough but it rly is devastating to keep seeing posts bashing trans men for asking to be included in conversations about reproductive healthcare, trans safety and hrt right now, at a time where solidarity and community is so fucking important

And unironic posts along the lines of "don't forget to include trans men in your no-dating-men practice".

And a post about how trans men aren't safe to date either because they're rapists too with replies full of this

Gender essentialism will doom us all. The fascists don't even need to "divide and conquer" anymore because y'all are just doing that shit for them for free.

[caliburn-the-sword]

emma made me viscerally uncomfortable from season 3-6 and the reason is because it was like watching a barbarian multiclass as a cleric. like girl stop with the magical energy blasts!! just hit him with your sword!!! punch him in the face!!!!

[pondering-gales-left-orb]

Wow my post speculating about the non army qunari people being some semblance of normal pissed some people off hard like how dare i suggest that maybe we are not being told/shown the full picture in the "we are not telling you half of it you gotta speculate yourselves"game

like everyone els in thedas can have nuance and grace from the fandom but once you tell people that maybe thinking of the qunari as one homogeneous gelatinous uniform group of intolerant people sounds like what every army in the world wants thier enemy to think and maybe the individual qunari is not like that TM and is different they send you hate and vague post about you lol okay 👍

[unma]

Saw the Epilogue for Liar Satsuki just now and yeah no, I was coping when I thought it'd make things better. I still can't believe Akira and Satsuki didn't end up together. After EVERYTHING these two have been through together. Komachi is not even slightly as relevant for most of the manga, and you can say what you want about both their abilities tying them together thematically and what not, but frankly the entire manga set it up such that Akira x Satsuki was the obvious choice.

[usercelestial]

okay i do have faith in the bucktommy fandom at large and especially i have faith in the people that i follow but i do just wanna say that we all have to promise to be normal if/when buck gets another love interests or ends up with someone else. like if it's not tommy and it's not eddie, then we have to promise not to be terrible the way antis were terrible to us. like im not saying grr you have to like it, criticize the story all you want, criticize the writers for their biphobia, their lazy writing, etc. but i really hope we can all continue to be normal about buck possibly dating other people and giving the love interest a fair chance

[langernameohnebedeutung]

trad guys are so funny in a sad and disturbing way like "women today are selfish and money-hungry gold-diggers and the only thing they care about in a man is whether he has money. ... Also, men are natural providers, women shouldn't work and stay at home and let him make the money and the decisions. We should all recreate my fantasy of a time when people routinely arranged marriages for maximal financial profit."

I mean, I'm not even expecting them to understand that the culture they ideolise is the foundation upon which the gender-roles we have today are resting and that this is WHY wealth is seen as such an important trait in men because these manosphere guys are way too deep in that forest to see the trees. Instead, they think gender-roles are inert and biological and women are programmed to like 'providers'. But then they also turn around and say 'women are gross, cold-hearted gold-diggers' for...wanting that 'provider' THEY just claimed women are biologically programmed to look for. WHAT GIVES.

[royalberryriku]

The problem is it's not that "they couldn't be bothered", and irritatingly enough you already know this yet say otherwise in an attempt to further cause divide all because you'd rather feel "more right" than work with fellow leftists who think differently to you.

As someone engaged in activism in my local area, if there's one thing I've learnt, it's to tolerate people who don't agree with you and who you really don't agree with, and I mean really fucking don't agree with at all. There are Stalinists and Trotskyists that help out at local rallies and have done really amazing work that have, like it or not, ensured pickets have kept their lines and protests have had the right numbers to avoid police dispersement. But fuck if I still don't really hate their politics and disagree with their stances. I see them as privileged, selfish and openly imperialist. They're ableist, racist (and used to be Zionist until they realised they could sell more newspapers by hopping on board with Palestine issues) and I honestly would laugh if they all stepped on legos. But I'm going to work with them because this is bigger than all of us and I'm not going to let my personal disdain for their stances and morals unravel the work we do collectively that needs to be done. I'm going to make sure no one crosses the picket line before using my personal grievances as a reason to burn down this movement. It's just too important for that.

Now, back onto what you're saying. Look, you already know this but I'll spell it out clearly for you in case you somehow meant this genuinely; the people who "didn't vote" for Kamala voted for other candidates like Jill Stein who actually had all the policies you likely want in place compared to Kamala who was pushing right wing policies alongside Trump and had a hardline anti protestor stance and who was also vocally pro Israel. Sure, you can say she's the "lessor evil" there, but those who still feel that evil compared to the white people unaffected? They're going to wonder why the hell they're so expendable and they're sure as hell going to find it hard to vote for someone who is advocating for killing their loved ones. Maybe it's easier for you because it's not your family, but when it is it sure as hell is harder. That's not laziness, but white people really love to pretend it is. It's also all these same people, black queers and Arabs, who would die under Kamala's indifference and apathy as anti queer laws and violence have increased in the Biden administration and violence against Arabs have become the norm and accepted by the democrats. Just like they would under Trump and who have already been dying this whole ass time under Biden. Maybe these people legitimately had reason to not feel exactly comfortable voting for someone who'd kill them. But no, sure, call that laziness. But you already know it isn't and saying that comes from a place where you haven't had to be targeted until Trump in 2016. Meanwhile these "lazy" non-voters have been feeling this exact kind of dread every single election because every single candidate has treated them the same way Trump has begun to treat you. That's not laziness, but, again you already know that.

So, no, I actually do think I can work with people less privileged than myself and I don't see their dread and fear as laziness; I see it as something to empathise with and show solidarity to. And yes, even with people like you who view that sorrow and pain as "laziness and privilege" because suddenly the reverse is happening to you after years of your own indifference, I would still work with you because this movement is more important than either of us.

TLDR; not to be offensive and resentful but I'm gonna be, please get your head out of your ass and stop blaming other marginalised people and start fucking helping regardless of your own personal "icks".

As the US election closes in and the final states take to the polls, I want to remind people to turn out and protest.

Yep, protest. Strike, disrupt, be out there on the street regardless of who you voted for or who wins. I expect to see you all out there demanding; access to abortion nation wide, protections against discrimination, free universal healthcare, a free Palestine, anti war, prison abolition, to increase the minimum wage, and for a US free of the electoral college and that counts votes as votes.

Yes, you can say "you should vote for Harris" and do so as much as you like, but do not forget the power you have through your own everyday actions away from the polls and that of protesting. Do not use the excuse that your right to vote means it's somehow more foundational or important than the right to protest. You have the ability to create direct action and that is so so important, please don't just expect a rich representative to stick to their promises every time you vote; you have power too, never forget that.

This system will not change until we, the people, make it. There is NO representative that can ever change the system that allowed them in, and likewise; this system will never allow a candidate that would stop it from continuing and/or ensuring its designated purpose of oppression and subjugation. Resist, regardless of the results.

Long live the resistance.

[automaticstarlightcomputer]

learned today that some people appreciate and enjoy (?) their periods... yall are holding us back as a species, just sayin.

[nthflower]

Sometimes Christians acts like they are the only one that's allowed to be traumatised by their religion and who can hate and mock it. Like all other religions are pure innocent peaceful ways and opressed but Christianity is okay to mock because ughhh. Like only they are allowed to be traumatised and victim there.

But also when I say this then some extremely angry ex-muslims and islamaphobics comes and use this to spread hate about Muslim people which is also ughhh.

Like your average Muslim have zero differences than your average Christian why can't you treat them same.

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

living with people who Walk Extremely Fast while needing time alone in the shared house spaces to do your basic selfcare/starting-the-day routines + having Trauma around being seen even fucking existing in shared spaces, including a long-ongoing and hefty dose of it from said people themselves, is a living hell actually. especially when they insist on constantly leaving doors wide open that would normally mitigate the house being a fucking panopticon and also give you like two seconds' warning that they're entering the space so you can brace yourself or leave. Hate

[todayisafridaynight]

YEAH........... YEAH..... LIKEWISE, NO NOTES AT ALL, THAT'S EXACTLY IT... Main antagonist deaths are often treated as "comeuppance," but that would be the ultimate comeuppance for Aoki. As it stands, the only people who actually suffer for it are Ichiban and Jo, and Ichi didn't even do anything wrong. Also please I'm positive there's more to wring out of Aoki and Jo for an essay 😭😭at the very least, I always love to hear your perspective!

"he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence" <- incredibly Mine-core of Aoki btw (I also feel the rest applies a little in terms of Mine probably being very quick to write off people who Do care about him as not caring about him, as with Katase, but it's nowhere near the extent of the Arakawas)

Wait actually it's kind of funny... for both Mine and Aoki, I was so sure their endings would go a certain way. Mine and Kiryu'd fight Richardson off together and Ichi'd, I don't know, shield Aoki or hug him so Kume couldn't get to him in the first place, or after that INSANE direct parallel to Arakawa running to the hospital with Masato, he'd miraculously pull through like he did on New Year's. Tormented with visions of the better timeline... With Aoki in particular, it makes me want to tear my hair out because the moment of him choosing to put the gun in the locker was REVOLUTIONARY for the series, looking at the characters he was most heavily based on.

Anyway. Bottom line. These bitches need to hug it out. It was so evil Arakawa didn't hug Ichi at Omi HQ or on the waterfront like bro stop being """manly""" for five seconds you're ruining my life you're ruining your own lives

There'd genuinely be nothing more painful yet more satisfying for an antagonist than being confronted with the consequences of their actions and having to navigate life after having making those decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to mending the bonds that- for anyone else- would have shattered long ago. With Aoki being motivated by the want to be loved and appreciated for himself, it would've been nice to see him finally acknowledge that he did have that love and start to better himself as a result (however much he'd be able to while in prison anyway lmao).

The Mine and Aoki comparisons are so real though, I remember joking to myself about it days after beating the game but it just fuels my mental illness every time I think about it ☠️ I LEGALLY AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO OFF ABOUT THE Y7 ENDING I'VE DONE IT TOO MUCH it makes me so mad every time I think about it 😭 ESPECIALLY THE PARALLELS WITH ARAKAWA AND THE LOCKERS UGGGHHH IT COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH AN EPIC CONCLUSION WITH THAT... Arakawa running from the lockers at the start of Aoki's life compared to Ichiban running from the lockers and getting Aoki to the hospital so Aoki can restart life I'm Going To Kill Someone (myself) (in Minecraft)

[likeabxrdinflight]

it is exhausting being the only out queer person in your immediate family because, if they're not overtly rejecting at least, you end up becoming like. the family ambassador for all things queer.

for example this weekend was the annual family camping trip/reunion and the number of times that I had to explain that the singular "they" has always been a thing was truly unreal. I had to explain that gay people and gender nonconformity has always been a thing it's just the language that is new. and I had to defend my brother's soon to be ex partner's decision to transition and that it has nothing to do with their low self-esteem or poor body image and everything to do with just. being trans. all this while my poor brother, who really loved his partner but just isn't attracted to men, is mourning the loss of a relationship he really wanted to work.

in many ways my brother is my only actual ally in this group (at least of the people who were there this weekend) because while much of my family are at least not actively rejecting, very few are active advocates for us. very few are true allies. I think most support surface level queer rights, you know "yeah sure let the gays get married," but they just aren't...allies in a meaningful capacity. even my parents can't seem to step up in defense of queer folks when one of my more conservative uncles is being lowkey homophobic...they take this weird centrist road about it and it's like. you know you have a queer kid, right? and it's not like I expect them to be pflag parents about it but could they at least try? I mean god my mom isn't even cisgender herself, she's admitted that to me, but she still just can't stop playing the middle ground around extended family. and I'm tired of it being my job (and to a lesser extent my brother's) to educate everyone all the fucking time.