#like to really understand what uther is and what he's done and will continue to do and to also have that person be your father

[adhd-merlin]

unpopular opinion: arthur (as much as i like him as a character) was useless in terms of prophecy and liberation of the magic people. not just bc he never ended up lifting the magic ban but bc literally anyone sitting on the throne could have done that. i see no reason why it had to be arthur specifically. but the show liked to pretend like he was the only way to achieve a positive future bc the opprressed community cant simply help themselves that would be silly ig? no no they need to patiently wait that maybe one day their oppressor (whos literally continuing his fathers genocide even if less zealously) has a change of heart and they wont be hunted down like animals anymore. never mind the countless people that will have to die in the mean time. merlin can kill a bajillion people on screen and thats fine and for the greater good but if someone tries to kill One guy sitting on a fancy chair with a fancy hat suddenly thats too extreme. half the time it felt like the show was pointing to merlin as a poster child of how to act when oppressed. the fact that morgana growing bitter about uthers reign is framed as inherently bad and what directly lead to her becoming evil tm is particularly infuriating to me. the choice to create this very ya dystopian setting and then cast the oppressors as part of the main cast and the final solution is just very weird to me. i think it wouldve been objectively for the best if the magic community had overthrown arthur (or uther really but thats not really contested.. unless youre the bbc. this show is so british (derogatory))

in that vein: mordred has never done anything wrong in his entire life and that includes killing arthur

one more for the "arthur was a loser" folder

[ok but about the rest!! I have many thoughts about it. merlin as a member of an Oppressed Minority. his betrayal of his own kin. I'm putting it all under a cut bc you guys don't need to see me rambling about this and the disir again]

you make a good point — the way in which a story is framed, even the moment we choose as a "beginning", determines what characters we'll feel sympathy for, even when the facts at our disposal are the same.

I don't think the writers were trying to create any kind of deep social commentary btw. just so we're clear. merlin is the hero of the story and his mission is to keep arthur safe. we've got to root for them both.

to have a king with a hatred (fear) of magic gives us a convenient antagonist within the court. merlin having to defend the men that would have him killed for his magic is a great source of dramatic tension. it sort of follows that the people he has to fight against to defend the king/prince are other magic users, or magical threats. (it also keeps things interesting because there would be no challenge for merlin otherwise).

there isn't much of a point in exploring the motives and backstories of other characters with magic (with the exception of morgana, perhaps). They are only briefly touched upon — so these characters remain vaguely antagonistic for the most part. Neutrally aligned at best (see mordred).

We are shown that the druids are (mostly) aware of the prophecy that marks merlin/emrys as the saviour of their kind.

what I find fascinating are merlin's interactions with magic people who are either not aware of this prophecy (gilli) or have no faith in it (kara, possibly?) Because we're never given the chance or the time to see things from their perspective. To see merlin through their eyes.

When gilli says:

"It is time that someone struck a blow for the likes of you and me. And if you're too weak, then I will." (!!!)

It makes him sound like some kind of extremist, but really, when you think about it. isn't his anger kind of justified? I'm not condoning his violence, I'm just saying — it's understandable. uther has killed so many innocent people. literally drowned innocent children. and merlin's like "violence isn't the answer!" — and I can see his point!! but I can see gilli's just as well. and I find it so interesting that he's still addressing merlin as a brother ("the likes of you and me"), even when expressing disappointment in his actions and calling him weak. because they are the same. he's saying "you're deluded, and cozying up to the enemy won't save you"

this episode also contains what is (probably) my favourite dragon call. when merlin summons kilgharrah in other episodes, he's usually in the middle of some Urgent Situation. matters of life or death. there is nothing urgent here, really. yeah, it is arguably a matter of life or death, but nothing merlin couldn’t have stopped on his own. he really just called on kilgharrah to have a heart to heart with a friend — a member of his class.

("You are a creature of magic, and only a creature of magic could hope to understand.")

this episode is about merlin looking for kinship and still feeling isolated from his magic brethren. there's something tragic about the way the prophecy makes him unable to connect to some of the people who would be best placed to understand him.

and gilli plants a small seed of doubt in merlin's mind. "You've been pretending for so long now that you've actually forgotten who you are" (!!)

but kilgharrah reassures merlin that there's a golden age coming. so merlin does what he has to do — he saves uther once again. before gilli leaves, merlin reassures him that one day they will be free.

he tells mordred the same:

"It won't always be like this. One day we will live in freedom again."

and then, when he has the unique opportunity to use his influence on arthur to sway his opinion in the right direction. he fails.

he condemns himself, and the people he spoke to of freedom, to keep living in fear and in hiding — and what's even more upsetting, he does so while talking of a "just and fair kingdom"!

("You must protect the world you spent your life building, a just and fair kingdom for all." What an interesting choice of words. camelot isn't just and fair to all — as merlin knows well. he's lying to arthur, and possibly to himself.)

imagine being gilli or mordred and hearing him say that "there can be no place for magic in camelot." (!) What a slap in the face.

I've read meta suggesting that the disir were testing merlin just as much as arthur (or even more so than him). I'm inclined to believe it — I want to believe it. If anything because it makes the story all the more interesting and tragic. (I know what some are going to say — if mordred's destiny was to kill arthur, it would've happened anyway. but remember what else kilgharrah said — the future is never clear. there are many paths).

I understand why merlin did what he did, I really do. but for a moment, the fair and just kingdom he spoke of was within reach, and he failed to grasp it.

so was gilli wrong after all?

[and kara. I feel quite sympathetic towards her. we know arthur. she can't see him from our (merlin's) perspective. for her, he might as well be uther. magic people are still persecuted under camelot's law. she has spent her life on the run, she has seen people she loved be killed. and from our (arthur's) perspective, she looks like some kind of fanatic. but in reality. put yourself in her shoes. when arthur offers her a chance to save herself by "repenting" for her crime, she says she has nothing to repent for. "it is not a crime to fight for your freedom". that's the belief she's willing to die for. did she deserve to die for it?

(I also think there's an interesting parallel in merlin failing his kin in the disir, and arthur failing mordred in ep 5x11 by condemning kara to death. something about pinning all your hopes on someone who's going to fail you, and doom you both. idk idk.)]

sorry anon. you were saying

[caniruineverything]

i get by with a little help from my friends

ft. merthur and a bit of whump/angst (and a teensy bit of morgwen)

Summary: Merlin doesn't understand why Arthur's acting weird, but when Uther takes it too far with his words one day, Merlin realizes why.

"Mer-lin!" At the sound of his name, the warlock spun around, only to be met with an irate Arthur slamming the door behind him as he walked in. And he had been in such a great mood earlier, he thought to himself.

"Yes, sire?" If he put a bit more ire in the greeting than normal, well that was between him and the long list of chores he was sure was heading his way.

"Have you really been cleaning this whole time?" The question was rhetorical, but Merlin answered anyway, foolishly.

"Yes, sire. Your room is quite messy. Really, it's a shame no one ever taught you how to clean up after yourself." And, well, on any other day, the jab wouldn't have been of any importance, but that day, Arthur was in quite the mood.

"Well, it's a shame no one taught you how to speak to your Prince. Leave, I don't want to see your stupid face." The words caused something in Merlin to shrivel up, despite his attempts to stop it. He'd thought he and Arthur had been getting closer. He'd apparently thought wrong.

He left, moving away from the room and the unreasonable prince as fast as he could. As he exited the palace, he realized Arthur had not given him anything else to do. Part of him wondered if that had been purposeful, but he quickly dismissed the thought. After that display, it was clear the prince had no intention of being generous.

With nothing else to do he walked home to see if there was anything Gaius needed him to do. The old man answered that he did not, in fact, have anything that needed to be done. Instead, he suggested Merlin go help out Gwen or the knights. Deciding this was both a good idea and a way to pass time, which moved slowly when he was away from Arthur, Merlin left to go do just that.

As he approached the palace steps, mentally making a list of the places Gwen was most likely to be found-he knew from experience that it was very difficult to find people in the palace-when a voice called from somewhere to his left.

"Merlin? I thought Arthur dismissed you."

"Gwen!" He couldn't help it, a grin broke out on his face at the sight of his friend, a sweet but slightly confused smile gracing her lips. "Just the person I was looking for!" At her questioning glance, he elaborated. "Yeah, the clotpole did let me out early, not sure why, so I wanted to see if you needed any help." He paused, and she took her cue to respond.

""Oh! Thanks." At this, Gwen smiled kindly and continued, "Nope! Morgana let me out early too, said something about the nice weather." Merlin smiled, knowing Morgana too was weak for Gwen's smile, just in a different way than he.

"That's kind of her. Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me!" She grinned back, seeing his smiling face, and continued on to her house. He stood there, once again with nothing to do. Should he check on Arthur again?

The urge to both see the prince and make sure he was okay was not something one should feel for their employer, let alone their prince and their friend, but, well, he had taken one look at the prince when the latter had been consoling a woman looking after her ailing son and fallen head over heels. Yes, that prat could be such a cabbage head, but he could also be caring, and brave, and kind. And handsome, that little voice in the back of his head spoke up, but he banished it with a quick not the time.

So yes, he did want to check on Arthur. But at the same time, what Arthur had said has hurt. Merlin worked hard because Arthur expected nothing less, and it still wasn't enough.

But Arthur was a prince, and he was Uther's son, so it was almost to be expected. Almost, because even though it was explainable did not mean that it hurt any less.

He decided against reentering the paper in search of a prince who clearly didn't want him there, and returned home. At Gaius's raised eyebrow, he just said Gwen hadn't needed any help, and walked into his room. And no, he definitely hadn't closed the door more forcefully than normal.

He used his free time to read through the book on magic Gaius had given him. Sitting under his thin blanked with aagically conjured light to see by, he could almost forget about Arthur and his behavior. Almost.

Merlin blinked awake blearily, light glaring in through the window. He brushed a fallen lock of hair out of his face, then sat up. As he did so, he both heard and felt paper rustle, and looked down. He had apparently been using the magic book as a pillow, and there were a few drool stains on one of the pages. He quickly magicked away the stains and returned the book it it's hiding place, then turned to his clothing to get ready for the day. Now, to wear the red or blue neckerchief. . ?

He made it almost to the palace steps before he remembered. Arthur. He had been in such a foul mood the other day, and with a prince with anger management issues and a tendency to bottle things up, Merlin did not know what to expect.

When he had gathered up the courage to walk to Arthur's room, he was greeted with the sight of the blonde glaring at him, picking at the good in front of him.

"You're late," were the first words out of the prince's mouth. "I had to get woken up and delivered breakfast by George." His distaste was clear, and on another day, Merlin might have laughed. Not that day, though, when he was already feeling the sting from the careless words.

"Oh, poor you." It was almost hilarious how obvious the double take Arthur was trying to hide was, as he had clearly been expecting sympathy, but Merlin was not in the mood. "You should be happy, you had a servant who didn't talk back."

"Well, Merlin, you should be happy. I have a long list of chores headed your way, just for being late." Merlin sighed. Why him? Why did he have to bother with the unreasonable man who happened to be both his employer and the prince of Camelot?

"Yaaaaayyy. . ."

"That's the spirit! Now, you'd better get started or you won't finish by tonight, and we can't have that." By Arthur's tone, Merlin could tell he was implying something important, and though he really didn't want to, he gave into the blonde's ploy to get him to ask.

"What do you mean by that? What's happening tonight?"

"Oh, did no one tell you?" God, the nerve of this man. "Father's having a feast in honor of the new alliance. And yes, before you ask, you do have to be there." Damn, how had he known that was what Merlin was going to ask before the latter even opened his mouth? "Because, idiot, you ask that every time. Of course I knew." Okay, now Merlin was slightly freaked out.

"Did I say that out loud, or did you somehow acquire mind reading skills?"

"I could read it on your dumb, expressive face. You didn't need to say it, and I don't need to read your mind to know what you were going to say." Arthur scoffed at Merlin's confused face and ordered him to get to work before he wasted the day trying to understand a simple sentence.

All day, Merlin simultaneously carried out his chores, fuming at Arthur and his pompousness, and ran their earlier conversation through his head, trying to make sense of it. And make sense he did. It was no secret that they two were developing a strong bond, but he hadn't realized how strong it was, if the prince was able to deduce what Merlin was going to say before he said it.

But of course their 'strong bond' wasn't enough to keep them from bickering like a dysfunctional couple. Resigned to his foul mood, and with no intent to forgive the prince any time soon, he got to work on the long list of chores Arthur had handed him.

By the end of the day, Merlin had somehow managed to get everything in Arthur's ridiculously long list done. Well, not somehow, he may have used a bit-just a bit!-of magic to help. The list was otherwise way too long for him to finish by midnight, much less in time for the feast. The only good part about any of it was that he got the satisfaction of seeing Arthur's shocked face when he realized Merlin had actually been able to complete the list. Well, he had also been given a bit of the food for the feast to taste test (impeccable as always), which had been nice.

His last task was to help the prince prepare for the feast. Bathing him, dressing him, and just making him look like the prince he was. If Merlin was honest, there were a few things he liked about feasts.

For one, there was the fact that he was allowed to eat some of the leftover food, which was even better than the food the kitchen normally prepared. There was also the fact that Arthur looked even more presentable than he usually did, and while Merlin thought the prince looked handsome in anything, it was nice to see him get dressed up a bit. And the feast provided something to make the evening a bit more entertaining, which was something, at least.

By the time he was done getting Arthur ready, it was time for the feast. Merlin looked over the prince one more time to see if he was ready, and he was. But Merlin also noticed that Arthur seemed a bit more nervous than he usually did for a feast. Was it that this was celebrating an alliance and he didn't want to do anything to put that in danger?

Merlin wanted to ask, he wanted to make sure his friend was okay, but before he could, Arthur spoke.

"Well, Merlin, are you ready?"

"Wh-what? Why are you asking me if I'm ready? You're the one who needs to be ready, not me."

"Well, yes, that is true. But you know if I'm ready or not, and you're not ready until I am. I'll ask you again. Are you ready?"

"Yes, sire." For once, Merlin's voice was completely free of any sarcasm or mocking. He sensed that Arthur was nervous and he didn't want to make things worse.

"Alright then. Lets go."

The feast was a typical feast, all things considered. There was good food and wine, a few performers, and speeches from Uther and the allied kingdom. Arthur did not give a speech that night, which Merlin did not find particularly odd, as not every feast required a speech from the prince.

Though Merlin did notice that Arthur was more tense than normal, he figured it was just the blonde worrying about how the guests would find the feast. What he did not notice, however, was the way Arthur's eyes kept darting to his father, and the way Uther was nearly glaring at his son.

There was one slight hiccup during the whole thing, which was, in Merlin's opinion, not bad at all. One of the servants, a tall skinny boy with brown hair, spilled wine on Uther. In the boy's defense, it was not much, and Utter had bumped into him slightly, but that did nothing to quiet the king's rage.

But before Uther could say or do anything, Arthur leaned over and whispered something to his father. This calmed the older man down only slightly, and now his rage seemed directed at Arthur. Nothing happened however, except that Arthur apparently dismissed the servant, as the boy scurried away as quickly as he could.

If Merlin had paid a tiny bit more attention to the king and his son, he would have noticed how Uther's anger remained, and how Arthur was clearly masking his fear.

But he didn't, so he paid no notice as, when they were walking back after the feast, Arthur was silent. Merlin figured that he was simply tired, as a feast would tire anyone out, especially someone who was as involved as Arthur.

When they got back to the prince's chambers, Arthur dismissed Merlin as soon as the latter had finished getting Arthur ready for bed. Merlin once again figured he was simply tired, although he did begin to suspect something was up with the prince.

Hey, he wasn't stupid, not by a longshot, but he hadn't really seen anything that would make him worry. His whole job was to protect the prince, whether Arthur knew it or not. He would never purposefully do anything to put his friend in danger, and not just because it was his job.

That night however, he did remember Uther's angry glare at his son, and the way Arthur curled in on himself infinitesimally. Unfortunately, he fell asleep before he could think any more about it, and by the time he woke up in the morning, he had almost completely forgotten it.

The beginning of the morning the next day was pretty predictable. He woke up, got dressed, ate a hurried breakfast, and left to go wake up the prince.

When he got to the prince's room, however, breakfast in hand, he discovered that Arthur was already awake and dressed. Merlin set the food down on the table and looked the prince over.

"Wow, sire, you managed to put on your shirt correctly, nice job. However the back of your shirt is not quite tucked in. Here, let me get it." But when he reached over to help fix the shirt, Arthur batted his hand away.

"It's fine. I can do it myself. Thank you for telling me." This was very odd. When had the prince ever woken up and gotten dressed before Merlin arrived in the past?

Actually, he could remember a few times, and it was always odd. He was not usually able to get everything on right, either. Also, why had he not let Merlin help him? That was certainly unusual.

The rest of the day was relatively normal. They went on a hunt with the knights, as Uther had ordered Arthur to capture an assassin who had killed a few villagers overnight, for an unknown reason. It was nice to get back into the woods, and Arthur seemed happier because of it, joking around with Merlin and the knights in a way he hadn't in the last couple days.

The hunt, despite Arthur's best efforts, was unsuccessful, and they did not manage to capture the assassin. The hooded man escaped, after a fight that ended with Elyan slightly injured, and the entire party disheartened.

After a short visit with Gaius, Elyan was fine, and Arthur and Merlin headed back to the palace. Arthur was acting odd, not talking much, and when he did, he was very short with Merlin. Merlin opted for silence instead while he took Arthur's chainmail off.

"I have a meeting with my father to discuss my failure in apprehending the assassin. You are free to leave. Enjoy your afternoon." It was phrased so oddly. To discuss my failure. Was that really all Uther wanted to talk about? Arthur had accomplished a great many things, and yet Uther seemed only interested in the few failures. He really did expect his son to be perfect.

Arthur left, and though he had been dismissed, he did not have anything he needed to do, so he decided to stay and tidy up the room a bit. While he was in the middle of cleaning the fireplace, his magic suddenly became alert. The hairs on the back of his neck rose, and he became convinced something was wrong.

He didn't do anything about it, as he didn't even know what was wrong. He waited it out, and it dissipated slightly. There were a few more times during his cleaning that he felt it rise up, and then it began to rise steadily until the door creaked open.

Merlin looked up, and his heart seized in his chest. Arthur walked in, tears dripping down his face, and bruises on his face.

"Oh, Arthur, what happened?”

"Merlin?!? Why are you still here? I dismissed you." Though he sounded angry, the tears hitting the floor said otherwise, and his face did not show any anger.

"I, uh, wanted to do some cleaning. Seriously, what happened?"

"Nothing, Merlin, please just leave." It must have been serious if the prince was using please.

"No, Arthur." Merlin stood steadfastly in front of the crying prince. "You're my friend, and you're hurting. I want to help. What happened?"

"Nothing. My father just-he just got angry. That's it."

"Arthur. That is not it. You are crying. Please tell me what's wrong. It hurts to see you hurting."

"Fine!" More tears dripped down his face, and he looked up angrily. "He was angry that the hunt failed, and he yelled at me. When I told him I'd done the best I could, he just said that. . ." The prince trailed off, clearly very pained.

"Arthur. What did he say?" It was becoming hard for Merlin to just stand there and not go off to kill, or at least maim, Uther.

"He told me," Arthur sobbed harder, "he told me that Ygraine died for me, and I was wasting her death by just existing." The blonde broke down, sobbing loudly, not caring who heard him, and Merlin's heart broke. How could anyone say that to someone, let alone their own son?

"No, no. Arthur, you are a wonderful person, and your mother would be so proud of you for everything you've done. Uther doesn't deserve you, he never has, okay?"

"No, I'm useless! I can't do anything right! The feast, the hunt, and now I can't even take a lecture. Just leave, I'm not worth it."

"Never say that. Never. I love you because you are kind, because you always strive to do the right thing, even when it is harder. You saved that boy from getting flogged. You tried to catch the assassin, and the only reason you didn't is because you were protecting your friends. Uther is wrong. You are not useless. I love having you in my life, I'm grateful for it every day, and I know Gwen, Morgana, and the knights are too. You're amazing, Arthur."

That was the first time Merlin had gotten to voice his thoughts on Arthur in a long time, and it felt nice, even though it was brought on by Uther being an asshole.

"Do you mean that?" Merlin's heart broke impossibly further by Arthur's unsure tone.

"Of course I do! We're all incredibly lucky to have you around." Arthur just cried harder, stilling when Merlin wrapped his arms around the prince, sensing the blonde might need a hug.

When the prince sank into it, he realized that Arthur likely didn't get many, if any, hugs.

"Are you injured?" The prince was silent, and Merlin's heart rate skyrocketed.

"What?!?"

"He just slapped me a few times, and I have a few bruises. It's not that bad." This prince. Now Merlin was beyond pissed. He had assumed Arthur's face was red from crying, but now there was a handprint visible. That was why Arthur had dressed himself! He hadn't wanted Merlin to see the bruises.

"Are you alright?"

"I will be," was the quiet response.

"Take all the time you need. I need to go hunt down a king"

"Merlin, please don't. He is still my father."

"Fine. For you." They were silent for a few moments while Arthur composed himself and Merlin thought up ways to creatively harm Uther, not that he would actually carry them out. After a few minutes, Arthur's soft voice broke through his thoughts.

"You. . . love me?"

"I-What?" He thought back over what he had said, and blushed hard. Damn it, he had confessed to Arthur!

"I'm so sorry! I mean yes, I do, but I didn't mean to tell you. You can fire me, you'll never have to see me again, I'll-" He was speaking really quickly now, trying to apologize and reassure the prince.

"Merlin! Listen to me! I, uh, love you too. So please, don't leave. Ever." No way. No. Way.

"You-you love me too?"

"Of course I do. You're Merlin, how could I not?"

"What does that mean?"

"That it was inevitable that I'd fall for you, you clumsy oaf." Of course Arthur would compliment someone and then insult them, all in a declaration of life. Oh my god, he loves me!

"Hey! Thanks?"

"Now get over here." What? Why? Then, his silent questions were answered as Arthur kissed him. Their lips moved together as though they were made for this, and Merlin wondered if they had been. Two sides of the same coin. How had he not realized how romantic that sounded?

When they broke away, breathing hard, Merlin pulled Arthur in for another hug, sensing how touch-starved he was. The prince melted impossibly more into Merlin than before.

"You don't need him. You have me, you have Morgana, you have Gwen, and you have the knights. You have people who love and care about you. You don't need him."

"I. . . don't need him. Okay. I don't need him!" Arthur sounded as though he had been freed from prison, and in a way, he had. As Arthur stood up and got ready for bed, tired from crying and professing love, Merlin realized that as long as they had each other, and their friends, they would be okay.

[poisonedfate]

54 with pretty much anyone you like and Morgana romantic or not

okay. so. here's the thing. i struggled with this one a little bit, wasn't quite sure where i wanted to go with it and somehow landed on inner turmoil rather than conflict/exchange? there's still a sort of conversation happening, but i guess it's more my interpretation of morgana's thoughts, feelings. sorry if it's not what you wanted, though i still hope you'll like it,

54. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. That’s the problem.” (merlin and morgana/no explicit romance)

send me prompts!

The two of them had gone back and forth for a while, never quite mentioning anything out loud, though it was clear that Merlin knew what was becoming of her, as much as Morgana knew - at least partly - what was becoming of him. It was bound to come to a breaking point, so it wasn't really a surprise when Merlin followed her as she snuck through the castle, as she left, as she headed for the woods. Once they were far enough Morgana stopped, waiting only a moment before speaking: "What do you want, Merlin?" she kept her tone steady, quiet.

Merlin approached slowly, though she could not call it hesitation - caution, perhaps. "Just wanted to make sure you don't do anything stupid." She closed her eyes, something of a storm behind her eyelids with its dark clouds, furious thunder, and waves crashing against the shore. Morgana was never quite sure what to hope for - that her anger would take over completely, making her blind to those she could never deem evil on her own accord, or that the blood-red sharpness in her head would let up just a bit, allowing her the reminder of love, of what she once thought was most important, permitting her to seek out those dear to her again, hoping to make them understand. The thoughts of it never seemed to last long enough to reach a conclusion, however. Something in her would build until there was almost a tangible voice, awful close to her own, telling her that she should not be hoping for utter misery or senseless weakness. There was no use dwelling on it, and yet: "I don't expect you to understand, but I am asking you not to stand in my way," she said, careful not to let it sound like a plead. "Morgana-," "No. No, I don't want to hear it. I cannot let this continue, Merlin, I can't, why won't you see that?" she stepped closer to him, skin tingling. "And you think this is the way to do it? Do you honestly think fighting fire with fire will make things better? Like your hate isn't going to burn the same as-," Merlin stopped himself, though it was clear what he was insinuating, Morgana's eyes growing wider. It wasn't anything she hadn't considered before - her anger, the way it reminded her of flames, bright and hot and quick to spread once they started. As much as Morgana understood why it had to be this way, why her anger was so important, the idea of comparing it to fire made her sick - so she tried to think of it as water instead - a flood, a wave, drowning, pulling. And yet. "It is not the same," she snarled. There was something almost sad about the way Merlin looked at her. "Yeah? Then why do you carry such hatred for people you used to love? People who have not had a hand in the things Uther has done." Morgana could only stare back at him. "I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. That’s the problem.” Merlin did not seem to have a response to that. She wished she could ask him if he knew what she meant. If he could understand the two sides, if he could honestly tell her which one was better. Merlin was always someone who knew more than was assumed of him, she had come to learn that. Maybe if the situation had been different. Maybe if she could bear to be honest for a little while longer, she could ask - is it better to live with the hurt or to not feel anything at all?

[the-king-and-the-druidess]

I'm still thinking about the symbolism of the questing beast in the context of Armor. What if meeting It and healing would not have saved Arthur from loving Morgana, but on the contrary, would have pushed everything forward, sealing the destiny and thereby wounding him not physically, but spiritually — in the future when the truth about their true father would have surfaced and Morgana would have gone over to the dark side? A canon divergent drabble below :]

Arthur still couldn't get out of bed, but the deathly pallor had left his noble face and he breathed steadily. There was hope that the beast's wound had not destroyed him.

Morgana entered his sunlit chambers quickly, releasing Merlin from his duties.

"Arthur..." Whispered she, stopping at his bed and glancing at him.

She had spent the whole day in bed, suffering from a headache caused by a prophetic nightmare and fear for Arthur's life. But as soon as Gaius informed her that Arthur was feeling better, she got up and ran to his chambers, wearing only her ghostly white nightgown — she just didn't care.

Sitting next to the head of Arthur's bed, Morgana placed her hand on his hot forehead. If only she had real magic, not just nightmares, she would have healed Arthur. She would have done everything for him.

Morgana weakly smiled, looking at him.

"Or, Arthur," she thought, "If only you listened to me once...If only you weren't insufferable, arrogant, foolishly brave... and absolutely beautiful and loved."

She moistened the fabric in an herbal infusion and wiped his face, reducing the fever of his skin.

"I couldn't bear it if you died, Arthur..." she said softly, caressing his face, "I can't live without you. Don't you dare die. We need you. I need you."

Her voice became a barely audible whisper, and her eyes filled with tears. This time he survived, but what the future will bring?

When Morgana left, she did not notice that Arthur's eyelashes trembled and a light smile touched his pale lips.

The next day he was healthy and cheerful as if nothing had happened, talking to his father who was pleased that the monster had been defeated, joking with Morgana and Merlin and just being himself. With Arthur's return to the castle came light and hope.

Morgana said goodbye to King Uther in the evening and wanted to go to her chambers, but Arthur suddenly stopped her, touching the silk sleeve of her lilac dress.

"Morgana, wait."

"Yes, Arthur?" she turned around.

Arthur looked at her, smiling gently.

"What?" she skeptically raised an eyebrow, folding her arms across her chest.

"When I was sick and lying in bed..." he began, "I...I heard everything."

Morgana felt, to her shame, that her face and neck were flushed painfully. How could he hear her?

"I don't understand what you're talking about," she snapped. 

"Really? It seemed to me that someone came to my room, treated my wounds, and then said they needed me. Do you know who it could have been?" he winked at her.

"I have no idea. You were unconscious and imagined it all." Morgana shook her head embarrassedly, not knowing why she continued to deny the truth.

Her heart was beating like crazy when she cautiously glanced at Arthur, who looked touched and flattered at the same time.

He took a step forward towards her.

"It's a pity you don't know her," he looked almost sad, speaking slowly, "It was a beautiful, kindhearted woman. I wanted to tell her that I need her too. Always. And that she was right."

"Better later than never, yes, Arthur?" Morgana sneered.

Arthur hugged her waist, and Morgana felt her hands slide up and rest on his shoulders. Being close to him felt so right and easy.

"I'll tell her if I see her." She replied, barely holding back laughter, "She must be glad you're back."

Merlin, who had entered the dining room to clear the table, abruptly stopped, hiding behind a column.

Arthur and Morgana were embracing each other and kissing. They were so wrapped up in each other that didn't notice him at all.

Merlin always guessed that the prince and princess of Camelot were only pretending to hate each other when they secretly burned for each other. However, the beast changed everything, finally bringing them closer together. As if having been on the brink of life and death and almost losing each other, Arthur and Morgana finally realized the truth.

But still he shuddered, remembering how he heard that strange otherworldly voice in his mind: "This is just the beginning." And looking at Arthur and Morgana together, the young warlock couldn't shake off the ominous premonition he felt upon seeing this loving royal couple.

Something was coming.

[tiodolma]

[https://youtu.be/Kvj4maFyQcs?feature=shared]

i found this song through a mergana spotify playlist. i don't think merlin put even this level of communication towards morgana. what do you think? (also i hope you like it, i became immediately obsessed)

yeah I agree 100%

in interviews about Merlin s3-s5, Colin Morgan often says that "Merlin always tried to show Morgana the right path, but she choose the other path and he must do what he must"... if that really happened, then they would have a conversation like the one in the song. Unfortunately, Merlin gave up on talking as early as the crypt scene 3x02.

Normally hero protagonists who are told "there is no other way," by someone they knew as a friend, would not give up that easily. They would do everything to reason with their friend again and again (see Naruto, one of the best examples), to try to bring their estranged friend back to the fold.

BBC Merlin never did this. Instead he continued to hold back his truths and show animosity to her while he anguished about her in private. Morgana was nothing but honest to him when they were face to face. Yes, even in her hatred of him, she never lied to his face about what she thought about him.

I understand why Merlin is like this though. He had been like this since s1. He was never accustomed to talking/reasoning with people he considers immediate enemies or threats.

Edwin Muirden was instantly killed with an axe that Merlin deflected. Merlin didn't even bother to ask why Muirden was threatening Gaius's life in the first place. At the first sign of danger Merlin immediately goes "you hurt someone i care about so it's not my fault that you die."

Aulfrc and Sophia never got a chance against him possessing one of their Sidhe staff and shooting at them (and he knew their motivations too, but like Muirden, he felt no sympathy because they were immediate threats to his "mission")

Merlin's kill streak just goes on from there. Nobody that he considers a serious threat was given a second chance, or even a chance to represent themselves in a court. As long as they commit actual treason or hurt his family, in Merlin's eyes, then they must be immediately eliminated (and usually without a trace.) this is why extrajudicial killing are bad in the long run yo.

That's why Morgana choosing her choices was her death sentence. Her adversary/rival was never one for communicating against people who directly opposed him, more so against people who were directly prophesied to be against his "Destiny" or let's be real, "mission"

the only glimmer of hope we have for merlin having some communication skills was when he revealed himself to Gilli. See? He could have done it. However, still he just choose the one semi-magical person who only had a ring for a source of power (only gave the user a bit of strength boost).

And that's depressing to me. Merlin only reveals himself to those who he knows won't have the means to truly fight back against him (Freya, Gilli, dying Arthur). He was more afraid to reveal himself to people like:

Morgana who had the power of not only her personal magic but the nobility and high priestesses extensive training as backup if words failed her,

Arthur whom he feared would turn into an Uther if he'd revealed himself to him at the height of Arthur's power

**I know Merlin could defeat Morgana anytime of course. It's just that Morgana has more advantage over him in that aspect of their magic education because, aside from royalty/nobility/political upbringing, she had a better teacher who trained her properly/formally in all the magic and secrets that allowed morgana to act more independently and with more initiative even on her own; unlike Merlin who only bothered to learn stuff when necessary because he was convinced that he was "the greatest warlock who ever lived" anyway. See by s5 how he still has to ask gaius for basic knowledge about magic and the kingdom, it's not a good sign.... but i digress.***

Merlin's overly cautious, paranoid, control freak nature (thanks to gaius's and kilgharrah's continuous training) by s3-s5 cost him to lose the skill to negotiate, talk with people he considers threats and adversaries, even against people who he had a history of friendship and affection.

It's a sad tale for someone like him who really aspired to be free and not be alone. He kept pushing people away, he kept silencing them permanently in the guise of self defense, he never tried to use other ways to incapacitate them and hear them out.

Merlin was a tragedy, man. His isolation, seclusion, radicalization started way too early. He was on kept on a dark path himself (or a path that was too bright that he couldn't see anything else). Kilgharrah and Gaius kept so many important things about his heritage and his mission from him. His mentors kept him dependent on their knowledge and wisdom through various manipulation techniques. This caused Merlin to kept acting based on very limited and biased information which often led to terrible political consequences which he did not have the skills to prepare for.

That's why the lines of Varian really stood out for me.

The path of hate love is a dangerous track You take one step and it's hard to turn back It pulls you along, and though it seems wrong it feels right Don't you see this path you're on leaves a permanent mark It feels good at first, then it slowly turns dark With each passing day you're further astray from the light Suddenly, you lose your way and lose the thread Lose your cool, then lose your head Every loss is harder to excuse Then you'll see you'll lose your faith and lose your soul 'till you lose complete control And realize there's nothing left to lose Nothing left to lose

Even if these lines were supposed to be for "Cassandra" or "Morgana", you can easily sing this to Merlin too. He used "love" and "for the good of all" to justify everything he did, even his cruelty, his ruthlessness, his desperate need to control everything.

His actions from the very beginning left a permanent mark on him too. He just didn't realize it because they kept convincing him that he was still alright. He was made to believe that it was ok to decide for others, but when the others told him they did not accept what he wanted, then he gave up and then killed them off (eventually or made them leave his presence forever).

**and besides it is normal to feel hate. hate is just a feeling. what you do with that hate is more important. some people use hate to actually inspire positive change in their communities**

thanks for this rec @tundratoad. It is very mergana, I'm also putting this on my mergana song playlist hahahaa

Also, it i so heartwarming to know that mergana fandom thrives in spotify and tiktok. i'm glad they are out there. i've only been exposed to the tumblr and youtube fandom. I've seen remnants of it in the old forums. I hope to explore those fanspaces someday (if they'll have me, with my hot takes and all)

[knightofmordred]

it's so frustrating because they could have done it really well and they just....didn't.

im of the opinion that morgana would have turned regardless of what happened solely because she couldn't stand by and watch as uther continued to expel his wrath on magic users, and finding a blood relative who is also a magic user would have been a source of comfort and understanding for her.

but morgana to turn, betray her friends and loved ones but feel absolutely no remorse or thought towards them is sooo ooc.

morgana wasn't afraid to stand her ground with people regardless of her power and we literally saw how she got thrown in jail because of it. and she believed in arthur, she constantly urged him to do the right thing and knew he was good hearted and not like uther yet all that went out the window as soon as she turned.

and as op says gwen was literally the closest person to morgana, yet she so easily was against her from a dream, and the fact it showed her as queen. her time in jail was literally because she was trying to help gwen's father.....

i know it's bad writing and misogyny on the writers part but damn they did her so wrong.

the morgana who once snuck food out from the palace kitchens for common people is the same morgana who killed a bunch of them?

her path to villian-y could have been done a lot better and it would have added so much depth to her character to see her regret the choices she made, the people she has killed and the loved ones she has lost.

i will never not be angry with the way morgana’s character was developed

there are so many layers to her character that could’ve been utilized but was instead boiled down to her “losing her mind” and only wanting power

it starts with merlin poisoning morgana in s2. this may be a very unpopular opinion, but i dont think that being the trigger of morgana actually turning evil was enough…

merlin was wrong to poison her, but he was also put in an impossible position and his only guidance in that moment was a dragon who was desperate for freedom. he didn’t do it because he wanted to, but because he felt like he didn’t have a choice

and, yes, he could’ve talked to morgana, but they were in a high stakes situation where im not sure merlin could actually rationalize with her

people love to solely put the blame on merlin, but its not like morgana was completely innocent either. she may not known at first how morgause was using her as a tool to make all of camelot unconscious, but we could literally see her piecing things together the way merlin was

also, she was working with morgause and i know it was because she wanted uther dead (literally who doesn’t?), but it came with the risk of hurting camelot’s people and also betraying arthur’s trust

in s3 when morgana returns, merlin feels a lot of remorse and that is something that morgana can see. she confronts him and pretends she didn’t become evil, and literally says “you were just trying to protect your friends. i would’ve done the same” which she WOULDVE. morgana was known to be passionate and kindhearted and would’ve done anything to protect her friends (and actively did so), and maybe she wouldn’t have went about it the same way merlin did, but she would’ve eventually come to understand his actions, especially because she allied with darker forces

with that being said, if the writers wanted to make morgana mad at merlin then that’s fine because she has the right to (to an extent), but why take it out on arthur and gwen, who hadn’t done her any harm (before she found out she’s arthur’s half-sister and that arwen was a thing)?

she was raised with arthur and literally said in s1 that he’s a better man than his father. she had faith in him, which was shown when he helped the people of ealdor and when he went to get the mortaeus flower so he could save merlin

and we know that gwen was her maid for several years at that point, and they were literally best friends! so why turn on her, especially when she didn’t do anything to morgana? it can be argued that morgana was frustrated with arthur’s complacency, but there wasn’t any actual reason for her to turn on gwen, especially knowing how she lost her father not too long ago because of uther’s actions

another thing that really upsets me is how morgana uses her class against merlin, so he won’t expose her??? she was literally opposed to classism and did her best to help camelot’s people, but now she was using her standing against merlin

and she uses it when she exposes arthur and gwen for dating. morgana was completely aware that uther wouldnt be happy to find out that arthur was with a maid of all people, so she used that against them

these are all things that were exceptionally out of character for morgana. i know she was under the influence of morgause for roughly a year, but she went from being on the fence about which side to take to immediately going against the people who knew and loved her for years

it’s not like they had to keep morgana’s character completely good the whole time, but she is very nuanced. instead of making her outright evil, the writers should’ve done more to have her juggle with what side she wants to be on. realistically, she wouldn’t just pick morgause, who she really barely knows, over arthur and gwen, who have been her friends for years, without hesitation

and maybe morgana could’ve still ended up being an antagonist, but instead of making her completely bloodthirsty, she could’ve continued to struggle with her feelings towards arthur and gwen and even merlin. in the end, her anger was towards uther because he was the one to persecute magical people, not the others. we could’ve seen her deal with the guilt of inherently going against arthur because she wanted to kill uther (and, no matter how much she hated uther, she was raised by him and clearly showed love for him)

morgana wasn’t just some absolutely unhinged villain. its not like it would be impossible for her to lose sight of what she wanted, but there was no actual transition to get to that point. by the end of the show, she still wanted arthur dead, but i dont think that would’ve actually been the case if she didn’t deal with character assassination

even in the legend (based on which interpretation), morgana is the one to send off arthur’s dead body. i don’t think she wouldve actually wanted arthur to die, especially because arthur didn’t want to see her dead, but it wouldve inevitably happened and that would be when she fully realized everything she did wrong

idk i just have so many thoughts about morgana’s character like she actually deserved so much better 😭 if they were going to make her a villain then they should’ve written that storyline better

[thegeminisage]

also i love the way that both morgana and arthur fucking SNAPPED when they figured out really for real what a bad person uther is. like you see it a little in 2.08 with merlin, he’s horrified to learn that uther’s a hypocrite, but merlin doesn’t SNAP. both arthur and morgana became COMPLETELY UNHINGED and i support them SO MUCH

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Leon brings Merlin and Lancelot in on his underground enterprise;

Turns out, Leon is the biggest Magic Ally out there. Confusion, bonding, and sneaky hijinks ensue.

I imagine it starts fairly normally.

The Gang (King Arthur, Merlin, and the five knights) have literally just arrived back at the castle after a fairly uneventful hunt (I mean... nowadays, getting attacked by bandits only once in three days counts as uneventful).

Merlin is left behind to help the stablehands untack the horses, like usual, except he leaves the stables half a candle mark later to find Leon awkwardly loitering around outside, the evening dimming around him.

He thinks maybe the First Knight had gotten injured, and was too embarrassed to ask for help in front of everyone (something that is common in all of the knights. Merlin thinks it’s very stupid, and has told all of them this at least once), so doesn’t question it when Leon asks Merlin for a quick word, and leads him back to his quarters.

Leon locks the door behind him. Not unusual, the man was very private. It’s when he puts a chair in front of the door and draws the curtains, that Merlin starts to get a little nervous. He’d cast a small enchantment on one of the bandits, to make him confused enough to trip over his own feet (as opposed to skewering Elyan, which is what he’d been about to do) but Merlin was certain that no one had seen him. He was certain.

And... Leon was a knight. He’d been a knight for longer than Arthur had been King, longer than he’d even known Merlin. Surely if he saw... he would've said something, accused him or just killed him.

(He has to remind himself to have a little faith in his friends. But also: “This might be completely unrelated, so just act natural.”)

Leon turns around to look at Merlin, and instantly recognises how nervous the younger man is, despite his poor attempt to hide it. The knight keeps his distance, and gives him a slow nod:

“I just wanted to let you know, Merlin, if you ever need... ah, a way out of the city, unseen, at short notice, then I can sort something for you.”

At that, all of Merlin’s racing, terrifying thoughts, stutter to a stop, and he looks at Leon with nothing but confusion on his face. He tilts his head slightly, asking, ever so eloquently:

“...What?”

Leon sends a soft smile and a knowing wink his way:

“Or, you know, the back up of a noble in court, or an alibi, I can do that to. I have a feeling that, considering you haven’t done a runner yet, you’re planning on sticking around.”

Merlin just furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head slightly in bewilderment:

“I... Leon I have no idea what you’re talking about. What do you mean, done a runner? Why would I need your help in court or... or an alibi??”

Leon just raises an eyebrow, and tilts his head.

Merlin copies him.

A look of realisation crosses the blonde’s face, and he lifts his hands in surrender:

“Ah. Ok, before I say anything else, I promise Merlin, you are entirely safe. I would protect you with my life if I had to-”

Merlin slowly nods, still confused:

“-I know about your magic.”

Merlin gasps and steps back, but Leon just smiles at him again, nodding his head slightly; it does nothing to relax the servant, and his breathing continues to get deeper as he backs himself against the wall, tears filling his eyes.

Leon frowns, his heart cracking slightly, but resists the protective urge to walk towards Merlin to comfort him. Instead he takes a step back, not lowering his hands. Before he can open his mouth to utter more reassurances, a tirade of broken, cracking apologies fall from Merlin’s lips:

“I... Leon I swear I’m not evil, I... I don’t hurt people, I promise. Please, you... please believe me, I would NEVER-”

Leon interrupts him, shaking his head rapidly, and forcing a reassuring smile on his face:

“I know. Merlin, I know that. I know you’re not evil, I know that you use it to protect us, I know. It’s ok, I won’t tell anyone, you’re not in danger, I would NEVER hurt you, or tell anyone, ok? I swear it. You’re safe with me.”

Merlin gulps, but relaxes (only slightly, but it’s a start. Leon doesn’t know why he’s so surprised at Merlin’s reaction, I suppose he thought he had been clear in his brotherly affection and protectiveness towards the younger man. Apparently not; he would have to fix that). He gives Leon an assessing once over, and it strikes the knight how efficient he is. He wonders how many times Merlin’s eyes have flicked over someone: checking their face for any sign of deception, checking how close their hands are to a weapon, checking their stance to see if they’re preparing for a fight.

Leon stays in place, forcing himself to untense, and giving Merlin a weak smile, hoping that the servant doesn’t mistake his slight heartbreak for fear or anger.

After a few moments, Merlin relaxes even further (though is still understandably ready to bolt at a moment’s notice), and steps away from the wall, Leon’s smile widens, and he nods once again, patiently waiting for Merlin to say something:

“You... you offered to smuggle me out of the city?”

Leon nods, glancing to the door behind him before gesturing Merlin to keep his voice down as he replies cryptically:

“You wouldn’t be the first.”

The servant gulps, giving the knight an assessing gaze, magic buzzing under his skin, alert and frightened at the idea of a Red Knight other than Lancelot knowing the truth:

“You’ve smuggled others out?”

Leon nods and moves ever so slowly to sit on the edge of his bed, still holding his hands up placatingly. He doesn’t gesture for Merlin to join him, understanding the other man’s remaining jumpiness, but leaves space next to him, just in case.

Merlin hesitates for only a second before settling on the bed next to him, forcing himself to relax. The knight wasn’t currently armed, and anyway, if Leon had been planning on accusing him or attacking him, then he wouldn’t be doing this. None of what he said could, in any way, make sense as some sort of trick.

Once Merlin settles, still a little uneasy, Leon begins his explanation in a quiet voice, obviously still worried about startling Merlin (and obviously not wanting to risk someone overhearing him):

“It started when I was fifteen. One of the serving girls in my father’s household was born with magic, though it didn’t manifest until years after the purge started. She was my age, sweet, kind, I couldn’t possibly believe her to be evil or corrupt, but under The King’s law, she would’ve been burned. Poor girl was terrified of being found out, but Uther was so paranoid, they were basically interrogating anyone who entered or exited the city; she had nowhere to go. I had already started my training at this point, so I used my knowledge of guard rotations and shift changes to sneak her out. I left her with some family in a village nearer the border, snuck back in a few days later. From then on it just... kept happening. I suppose I got good at recognising the specific brand of fear that magic-users in Camelot suffer from, and I’ve got a good eye; I know magic when I see it-”

He gives Merlin a knowing look, but the servant just turns indignant and says:

“Well, I was also born with magic, and it took you ten years to figure it out, so-”

He sticks his tongue out at the knight, and Leon raises his eyebrow at him, before laughing and nodding, thankful for Merlin’s lessening fear:

“-yeah, I suppose. But still. It started off with just the occasional person; one or two a month. And then it was whole families or groups of people who either had magic, or were scared of being accused and wanted out. It became a bit of a side-career, though I always refused any payment they offered.”

Merlin stares at him, thoughtful and in awe, before yet another look of realisation crosses his face:

“Is this why the Druids are so fond of you?”

Finally, it’s Leon’s turn to look confused, and Merlin continues:

“Whenever we come across them, they always seem less wary of you than the other knights, like they know what you’ve done.”

Leon takes in slow breath, quirking his eyebrows slightly and shrugging:

“I’ve never really noticed, maybe. I’ve never been into a camp, but when someone I was sneaking out had nowhere to go, I’d take them as close to a Druid settlement as I dared, and pointed them in the right direction; I suppose word might’ve spread.”

Merlin nods, looking to his lap, thinking. Leon stays silent, understanding that this is probably a lot to take in, and not wanting to interrupt Merlin’s processing time. 

After a few moments, Merlin, still staring into his lap, reaches across to Leon and takes the knight’s hand in a shaking one of his own. It’s then that Leon notices the slow tears on the other man’s face, but before he can say anything, Merlin looks up at him, his voice shaking as he whispers a rough:

“Thank you.”

Leon smiles, squeezing his hand and bumping their shoulders together:

“Anytime. Like I said Merlin, I would protect you with my life. If you ever need anything...”

Merlin takes a deep breath, standing and wiping the tears from his face quickly before dragging Leon to the door:

“There is one thing. Come on.”

Leon allows himself to be dragged, and Merlin moves the chair to the side before stepping out of the way, allowing Leon to unlock the door with the key hanging around his neck. He doesn’t question where they’re going, though he is slightly confused when he notices that they’re heading deeper into the castle, as opposed to outside or to Merlin’s chambers like he was expecting.

They finally come to a stop outside Lancelot’s door, and Leon nods to himself in realisation. He had suspected that the other knight had known the truth, but hadn’t wanted to ask or push it in case he was wrong.

Merlin knocks rapidly after checking the corridor for other people, and the door had barely been opened before he’s pushing his way through, still dragging Leon behind him. The two men move to stand by the opposite wall, Lancelot still by the door looking increasingly confused:

“Merlin, Leon, is... is everything alright?”

Merlin waves his hand casually, not even needing an incantation as his eyes flash briefly gold and the door shuts of it’s own accord (... or Merlin’s accord).

Lancelot immediately gasps and makes a jump for the sword sat on the table, but Leon holds his hands up in surrender as Merlin rushes to speak:

“Lance it’s fine!! Leon knows about my magic, and he’s been smuggling people out of Camelot for decades, he’s safe.”

Lancelot looks to Leon with a mix of suspicion and relief, still picking the sword up and holding it loosely in one hand, but the older knight is too distracted staring at Merlin in mild outrage:

“Dec- How old do you think I am, Merlin?!”

Merlin looks up at him guiltily, and Lancelot lets go of his suspicion, instead clamping his free hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing at Merlin’s squeaked reply:

“Uh... there’s no safe way to answer that, is there? You said you were fifteen when you started, and I know you’re older than Arthur, so...”

Leon scoffs, rolling his eyes as Lancelot snorts:

“I’m only five years older than him, Merlin. I’m thirty-one, you can say “decades” plural when I hit thirty-five, and not a day sooner.”

Merlin holds in a smirk, and nods. Lancelot clears his throat, dropping the sword back on the table and asking the obvious question:

“So... how much does he know?”

Merlin spends the rest of the night explaining everything, from Kilgharrah calling to him when he first arrived, (”You mean that thing was under the castle the whole time?!”) to just last week, when he had to sneak out of the city to deal with a particularly insatiable Succubus that was causing problems with the border patrols (”Huh. I wondered why the men had just... stopped disappearing. I’m not complaining though, thank you.”).

He included all the information about the prophecies and being Emrys and how Arthur was the Once and Future King and the coming (potential) Golden Age. Leon was especially curious about that, and interrupted often to ask questions.

Lancelot also interrupted rather often, but only to correct Merlin when he underappreciated his own genius or power or selflessness, much to Merlin’s embarrassment and annoyance.

Merlin also tried to miss out as much of his own suffering as he could, but Lancelot wasn’t having it, and Leon was horrified to learn of the Serket sting, the countless, almost fatal fights he’d had with various people (Nimueh, The Cailleach (”I did also wonder how the veil just... repaired itself. Nice one.”), Morgause, Agravaine, etc (Morgana is good in this, though her magic is still hidden)), and all the other terrible things that had happened.

When he finally finishes, Leon is speechless.

The knight had just thought that Merlin had learned a few tricks to keep himself and Arthur safe when they went out and about, but he was actually, apparently, the most powerful Warlock ever, and had a whole series of prophecies and battle scars to back it up. Lancelot’s face was an odd mix of prideful and mournful, and that only drove home to Leon how much Merlin had suffered over the years.

After a few minutes of silence, Merlin awkwardly waiting, as if for judgement, Lancelot pipes up, his voice oddly cheery:

“So, Sir Leon, fancy two extra sets of hands in the little smuggling ring you’ve got going?”

~

And that is essentially... exactly what happens. 

It’s usually Leon who discovers the sorcerers, being the most observant of the three, but it’s Merlin they send on the first approach more often than not. Leon had always been painfully aware of how scary a Camelot Knight going “I know you have magic” must be, so the trio takes advantage of Merlin’s non-threatening look. That, paired with the fact that he’s well known and well loved around the town, makes starting things off a lot easier.

A lot of the time, the people they approach don’t want to leave. They’ve kept themselves hidden for over twenty years, and they plan to continue to do so, but it’s a weight off their back to know that the option is there if they need it.

Merlin introduces Leon to the tunnels under the city, hidden and warded with his magic. The older knight is very much relieved at that; taking advantage of gaps in guard rotations wasn’t the most reliable plan, and he’d been paranoid for years that something would go wrong one day and he’d get caught.

They worked well together, though all three of their lives got a lot more complicated. Lancelot and Merlin were pulled into Leon’s secret smuggling life (despite him insisting that they could sit it out, considering they were already so busy trying to keep Arthur alive, which is apparently a lot harder than Leon had first assumed), and Leon was pulled into Merlin and Lancelot’s secret “bring about the Golden Age” life (despite the two of them insisting that Leon didn’t need to help, considering he was already so busy running a smuggling ring right under the nose of the King).

To be honest, the two lives sort of swirled together. Anyone that they sent to the Druid camps was told to spread the word of the Once and Future King, and when Leon was sent to distract Arthur when Lancelot and Merlin needed to do something Magicky, Lancelot was sent to distract Arthur when Leon and Merlin needed to do something smuggly.

Eventually Gaius finds out. Because of course he does. Because he’s not stupid. And whilst the three of them are unwilling to put him in anymore danger than he’s already in (harbouring a Warlock is... pretty dangerous. Though Arthur would probably forgive the older man anything.), they never turn away the small, portable medkits he passes along to them, and don’t complain when he offers to talk to Arthur about a promising new treatment for the flu for a few hours.

But overall, they have a proper little (unpaid) enterprise going, and no one suspects a thing. 

~

Mistakes are made of course, some a little bigger that others. But most of them get a laugh from the trio when they think back on them later.

Ironically enough, this mistake came when the trio mistook a “need to save Arthur” problem, for a “need to save this poor scared sorcerer” problem.

They’d been getting complacent. No one had tried to kill Arthur directly in a while, so when a visiting Lord brought with him a very nervous, very secretive stablehand, they didn’t even consider that it would be the young servant who wanted to kill Arthur as opposed to the visiting noble (who was an arsehole, and therefor automatically under suspicion).

Merlin, being the most powerful of the three of them, was keeping an eye on the noble; trying to keep him away from Arthur as well as trying to figure out if he knew that his stablehand was a magic-user. Leon was distracting Arthur, with the help of a report Gaius had written, by talking endlessly about certain weaknesses in the knight’s armour and the injuries that Gaius treats most often and the link between the two.

That left Lancelot to trail the stablehand, whose name they had discovered was Alban. He wasn’t wearing any armour and didn’t have a sword, only a small dagger up his sleeve, so as not to frighten the boy.

Which of course was a huge mistake.

Considering how innocent Merlin looks, but how dangerous he actually is, they really shouldn’t have underestimated the boy, but alas, with how well both of the secret lives had been going, their egos had grown, and they weren’t as careful as they should’ve been.

It was only after the Lord had retired to his chambers (and Merlin had come to the annoying conclusion that he was an arsehole, but certainly not smart enough to be dangerous), and Leon had exhausted every possible line of enquiry about armour and injuries, that the two of them thought something might be wrong.

It had been hours since they had heard from Lancelot, and by the sounds of it, no one had seen him in that time either.

The stablehand also couldn’t be found.

They tried not to assume the worst; all of them (Merlin, most often) had disappeared for longer before, so before they panicked, the two of them went about methodically searching for the other knight.

The wards down in the tunnels hadn’t been disturbed, Lancelot’s room was untouched (the sight of his armour and sword laid out on his bed did nothing to quell their growing anxiety), and no one had seen him leave the city. The Camelot stablehands had no idea where the visiting servant was, and had apparently barely seen him in the stables since he’d arrived anyway.

Now it was time to panic.

The two men rushed back to Lancelot’s room, shutting the door behind them, Merlin hurriedly asking:

“What’s the last thing he touched, do you reckon?”

Leon raked his hands through his hair for the dozenth time, looking around with wide eyes:

“Uh... we had training this morning, and he took his armour off after that, and immediately went to follow Alban, so his armour? His sword?”

Merlin picks the sword up in careful but hurried hands. He closes his eyes, concentrating, as he mutters a quick spell. The sword shimmers for a moment before Merlin throws it back down on the bed with a huff:

“Nope, the trail is there but it’s weak, I need something more recent.”

Leon curses quietly to himself:

“Try his water goblet? Or the wash bowl? God knows that man doesn’t like to be grimy.”

Merlin hums, walking to the wash bowl before halting in his tracks:

“Wait... no, you’re right. He doesn’t like being dirty,-”

With that, Merlin changes direction, heading to the small desk in the corner and opening the draws at random, rifling through them. Leon walks up behind him:

“Merlin? What are you-”

He’s interrupted by Merlin exclaiming in victory, and straightening up. He turns around with a grin on his face, holding out a small comb:

“-he will have run a comb through his hair after washing,-”

He pulls a short, brunette hair from between the wooden teeth:

“-and an actual piece of him is WAY better to track him with than something he’s just touched.”

He repeats the spell from earlier, the smile returning to his face when he begins to feel the pull in his heart, leading him to the lost knight.

The two of them leave the room hurriedly, Leon trailing after Merlin, both of them trying to look an inconspicuous as possible.

They walk briskly down the corridor, hope and excitement blooming in their chests at the idea of finding the friend they’d been so worried about. Leon puts a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, but neither of them stop moving as he speaks lowly:

“Can you tell how far away he is?”

Merlin hums, before replying equally quietly:

“Yeah, I think he’s about... actually... no, no I can’t- what?”

With that, he stops dead in his tracks, stumbling when Leon runs into his back with a gentle “oof”. The knight looks down at him, his face back to looking panicked. They’d stopped at a crossroads in the corridor, and Merlin’s head twitches from side to side, like he can’t decide which way to go.

Leon shakes his shoulder slightly:

“Merlin, he’s been gone for hours, we need to hurry. Close your eyes, breathe, which way is Lancelot?”

Merlin does what Leon says, shuffling on his feet slightly before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, and relaxing his shoulders:

“Where are you, Lance?”

He mutters it quietly to himself, and Leon barely dares to breathe, not wanting to distract him. After a few moments, Merlin’s head twitches to the right, the corridor that leads to the servant quarters. The servant opens his eyes, nodding briefly at Leon, before turning and walking down the corridor. 

He passes the first few doors without hesitation, thankful for the late hour; all the servants are either eating their own dinner, or serving dinner to their masters. Which is probably where Merlin should be right now, but he had more pressing matters, he could deal with Arthur later.

He slows as he reaches the end of the corridor, frowning in confusion. There are no more doors, they’ve reached a dead end, and Merlin tilts his head whilst Leon stares at him expectantly, periodically checking the corridor behind them. Merlin begins muttering to himself again, flexing his hands as if he were in pain:

“This is... wrong. I don’t come down here very often but... there’s... this is wrong. I can feel it and I can... see it, like there’s something out the corner of my eye that shouldn’t be there-”

He gasps, turning and looking at a specific part of the wall, hovering his hand over the stonework:

“-or something that should be there!”

Leon’s gaze flicks between the wall and Merlin as he quietly asks:

“A hidden door? Can you... unhide it?”

Merlin takes a second to snort and roll his eyes, before pressing his hand against the wall, muttering spells to himself. Leon turns around, hand on the hilt of his sword at his hip as he stands guard. After a few minutes of Merlin getting more and more frustrated when the wall stays... well... a wall, he finally lets out a whispered exclamation; Leon glances behind him to see the stone rippling, and finally fading to reveal the door. 

With one last check down the corridor, they enter the room slowly, shutting the door behind him. Leon whispers Lance’s name into the darkness tentatively, but Merlin just shakes his head, summoning a light.

It’s just a normal storage room filled with dusty shelves and empty crates, but Merlin moves through the debris to the back, cursing under his breath when he finds what he’s looking for. Leon moves up behind him, staring over the younger man’s shoulder to the precise symbol drawn onto the floor:

“Merls?”

Merlin huffs speaking lowly, not looking away from the symbol:

“It’s a teleportation spell, it’s why I was being pulled in two directions. Lance went through this portal, but it probably took him somewhere outside the city limits.”

Leon gulps, before taking a deep breath and gripping Merlin’s shoulder again:

“Can you activate it? Do we follow through the portal, or track him out of the city??”

Merlin shakes his head roughly:

“No, that would take far too long, we don’t actually know how long he’s been gone, it could have been all afternoon, remember? Look around, there should be a crystal or an orb or something, like a switch I have to push magic into to activate the spell.”

It only takes a few minutes of rummaging for Leon to uncover a rough looking crystal, and Merlin smiles weakly at the comically fearful look on the knight’s face as he holds it as far away from himself as he can; he may trust Merlin’s magic, but he is still logically... unnerved by things he doesn’t understand.

Merlin takes it from him, eyes turning briefly gold as he mutters an incantation and his hand is engulfed in a blue flame. The flame dies down after a few seconds at Merlin’s command, and he hides the now glowing crystal back where Leon had found it, before looking back to the symbol on the floor.

It takes only a few moments for the lines to start softly glowing, and when nothing else changes, Merlin takes a deep breath, reaching behind him blindly for Leon’s hand, and muttering:

“Well, here goes nothing.”

He feels the knight take his hand and step up next to him. With one last nervous glance to each other, they nod, and step into the circle.

~

MEANWHILE

Thankfully, whilst Lancelot hadn’t been seen in a while (on account of being camped out in the hidden storage room, waiting for his stalkee to reappear out of the weird glowy circle thing), he had only actually been kidnapped by Evil Alban the Not-Stablehand for about half a candle mark.

And he was currently very bored. The younger man finally reappeared, only to fly into a rage at the sight of another man, crouched like a gremlin, almost asleep in the corner of the entrance to his secret lair.

His eyes had flashed sickly yellow, and Lancelot found himself falling over the edge into sleep, and waking up an undetermined amount of time (like five minutes, but it was so fucking dark where he was, he had no way to guess what time of day it was) later, tied to a chair (not gagged, thankfully).

He had realised the trio’s mistake fairly early on in Evil Alban the Not-Stablehand’s monologue; something about vengeance and sins of the father and yadda yadda yadda. Honestly? He tuned it out pretty quickly, he’d heard it all before... multiple times, and he wasn’t too worried; he had faith that Merlin and Leon would arrive to rescue him soon (though he wasn’t looking forward to all the comments along the lines of “who’s the real princess?”).

It was when he almost nodded off that Alban stuttered slightly:

“...after all, surely someone who is strong enough to take the crown should... should deserve... it... are you falling asleep?!”

Lancelot’s head whips up with a quiet snort as he blinks the sleep from his eyes, and looks at the outraged criminal with guilt in his eyes:

“Uh... no? You’re doing wonderfully, Alban, very riveting, keep going.”

The knight’s words do nothing to calm the other man down, and he exclaims slightly as he stamps his foot petulantly. Lancelot bites his lip to stop himself laughing, but before he can get himself under control and say something else, Alban puffs his chest out and grins triumphantly:

“Your mind games shan’t work on me, Sir Knight. I will not be distracted by your mocking or... or distractions.”

Lancelot raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. Alban huffs, shaking his head roughly before looking back at Lancelot with wide, expectant eyes:

“Well? What do you think of my plan, noble Sir? Ineffable, no?”

Lancelot purses his lips, once again looking guilty as he chooses not to point out the younger’s misuse of the word ineffable (definitely NOT ineffable, considering he’d banged on and on for half a candle-mark):

“I don’t suppose you could... sum up the last twenty minutes or so worth of... plan? Then I could.... let you know my thoughts?”

Alban let out an inhuman screech, stamping his foot again, much to Lancelot’s hidden amusement. The Great Villain stalked off into the darkness, huffing and grumbling to himself, and Lancelot just rolled his eyes, murmuring under his breath:

“For fucks sake. Better not leave me here. Where the fuck are you guys?”

As if the Gods themselves answered the knight’s question, he hears another inhuman screech come from the darkness; though this one was a lot more high pitched, and was immediately followed by Leon’s unmistakable voice growling out:

“Where is he you pre-pubescent piece of shit?!”

Lancelot allows himself to snort at the likely look of terror on the Not-Stablehand’s face before yelling:

“Don’t make the kid shit himself Leon, if he does, you’ll be the one carrying his unconscious body back.”

He hears Merlin’s laugh and the distinct sound of a skull making contact with the hilt of a sword, before the two of them appear like ghosts, lit only by the glow of Merlin’s golden eyes, and the magical light floating between their heads.

Lancelot gives them a grin, shuffling in his binds slightly as he says:

“Took you long enough, he’s been banging on about how clever he is for fucking ages. Cut me loose, would you?”

Merlin clicks his fingers, the ropes falling the the floor as Leon checks him over for injury, and affectionately ruffling his hair, much to the other knight’s chagrin.

The three of them move to crowd around Alban’s crumpled form, hands on their hips as they stare at him, unimpressed. Lancelot sighs:

“You really didn’t have to hit him that hard, I don’t think he was that much of a threat.”

Merlin huffs and stalks off to reactivate the teleportation spell, leaving the chastising for Leon to deal with:

“Not much of a threat?! Lance no one had seen you in hours, we thought you were dead!”

Lancelot frowns and shuffles, suddenly looking apologetic:

“Ah, sorry. He took me less than a candle-mark ago, though I guess I lost track of how long I’d been sat waiting for him before that. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Leon huffs, but drops the subject as Merlin calls back to them. The curly-hired knight picks Alban up, laying him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before following Lancelot in Merlin’s direction. They stand around the glowing symbol, and Lancelot rolls his eyes at Merlin’s glower:

“Oh, don’t give me that look, Mister I regularly show up after three days covered in bruises and blood with “The Tavern” as my only excuse.”

Leon snorts and Merlin rolls his eyes but smirks, and with that, the trio step into the circle, reappearing back in the storage cupboard with no one else in Camelot even vaguely aware of the mini adventure they’d had.

~

This happens for a while. Saving people (mostly Arthur) from the batshit insane things that happen in Camelot that no one but them seems to be aware of.

Of course, rumours fly about the oddly close connection the three men have. Lancelot is head over heals in love with Guinevere (which he ardently denies, despite Merlin and Leon’s repeated dramatic attempts to get them together) and everyone knows it, but even Arthur starts to (jealously) suspect something is going on between Leon and Merlin, especially when Merlin’s lack of talent when it comes to making up excuses is displayed yet again.

Leon and Merlin had been sneaking out of the castle, on their way to meet the teenage son of a noble who desperately needed to escape. Lancelot, who had a late patrol, was to meet them by one of the tunnel entrances outside the city limits, and assure that no other guards were nearby.

Unfortunately, the pair came across a sleepy King, on his way to the kitchens for a midnight snack.

The King stared at them with wide, shocked eyes, and the pair stared back. Leon grimaced slightly, and after a few moments of awkward silence, Arthur slowly asks:

“What are you two... doing?”

Leon takes a deep breath desperately trying to come up with something to say, but before he can find an excuse, Merlin pipes up:

“I was teaching him poetry.”

Leon lets out his breath before slowly covering his face with his hands as he shakes his head slightly. Merlin immediately realises his mistake and bites his lip, furrowing his eyebrows as he says:

“What I mean, is that-”

He’s cut off by Arthur holding a hand up, his face looking mildly put-off as he shakes his head:

“I don’t want to know. Yeah, I changed my mind, I really... don’t want to know.” Before turning around and heading back in the same direction he’d come from, hunger forgotten.

Merlin holds his breath until Arthur turns the corner, before letting it all out in one go and staring at the floor wide-eyed. Leon keeps his head in his hands as he mutters:

“You fucking idiot.-” before looking up at the man besides him incredulously:

“-Why??”

Merlin looks at him indignantly, and loudly whispers:

“I don’t know!! It was just the three of us in a dark corridor like last time and it just popped into my head and I said it! At least he didn’t push, I suppose.”

Leon shakes his head again, before a look of realisation crosses his face and he looks at Merlin with dread in his eyes:

“Yeah... except when you used that excuse on me- shut up, of course I knew you were lying, I’m not an idiot- I thought you and Arthur were uh... well, I thought you were sleeping together...”

Merlin’s eyes go wide and he sputters for a response before he lets out a quiet, deranged laugh, and shakes his blushing head:

“First off, no. Second off... at least he didn’t push.” he repeats. Leon squints at his friend, before he gasps and grins:

“Oh my God, you like him!-”

Merlin scowls at him, and Leon laughs gleefully (though still quietly) before whispering:

“-all this time we’ve been ribbing Lancelot about Guinevere, and we should’ve been ribbing you! Oh my God, wait ‘til Lance hears this.”

Merlin turns on him, face bright red as he angrily (or as angrily as he can, when he’s the colour of Leon’s cape, and the knight is trying not to wake the castle up with his laughter):

“I swear to God, Leon, I will turn you into a fucking toad if you breath a word to anyone! I’ll do it, I swear I’ll do it!”

Leon forces himself to breath and coughs slightly as he catches his breath, putting a hand on Merlin’s shoulder:

“Fine, fine. I won’t say anything, but only if you help me hang mistletoe up in Lance’s doorway next week.”

Merlin rolls his eyes, but nods his head with a grin, and with that, they resume their sneaking around.

~

This happens for what feels like years and years, but really, Merlin only gets one day into looking at Leon with a shit-eating grin and saying that the old man has been doing this for “decades”, when suddenly... they don’t have to do it anymore.

Arthur repeals the ban on magic. 

And to be honest, it was a complete surprise to everyone. Of course, the whole Kingdom knew that he was more tolerant than his father had ever been; he hadn’t executed anyone in years, and unless accusations were serious or life-threatening, he rarely ordered investigations.

As it turns out, he’d been working on it in secret for months, with only  Morgana’s help (not that he knew about her magic, she was just the only person in his life who’d always been vocally against the ban). All the work they’d put in meant that when it came time to present it to the council, all Arthur had to do was hold his head high and say something along the lines of “I am your King, you do this, or you lose your seat.”.

The drafts were so well-worked, so perfect, the council had nothing to argue against, no excuses worth more than a roll of the eyes and a dismissive wave of the hand.

The repeal went through seamlessly, and Arthur was announcing Merlin and Morgana as his Court Sorcerers within a week (after of course a few hours of raging at the lies and deception, in which they defended themselves and each each other with sharp tongues and entirely valid descriptions of their terror, and with Leon and Lancelot stood behind them the whole time ready to pull their swords at a moments notice).

Leon, Lancelot, and Merlin told the King about all their adventures saving his arse, which he floundered at before abashedly thanking them, but they never mentioned the now obsolete smuggling ring they had going.

Of course, there were moments when they missed the excitement of sneaking out at night, the victory of seeing a family off to the Druid’s, or to a safe village, but ultimately they were ecstatic that they weren’t needed in that capacity anymore. It was undeniably a good thing.

Their plan to keep their heroics to themselves failed miserably however, when a crowd of around two-hundred gathered in the courtyard, led by a woman in her mid-thirties who looked mighty familiar to Sir Leon.

The gang met them down there, armed and worried at first, but quickly relaxing when they realised this was the furthest to an attack a group this large could get.

The King led the party, Morgana, Elyan, Gwaine, and Percival to his left, and Merlin, Leon, and Lancelot to his right, Guinevere and Gaius waiting by the castle entrance. It was only when Lancelot gasped, and grabbed Merlin and Leon’s sleeves to point at a specific family near the front of the crowd that they understood. All these people, all these happy, joyful, alive people... were people they’d saved over the years.

The three of them gulped, suddenly teary as more and more of the crowd pointed their way, wide smiles on their faces. They knew that this wasn’t even half the people they had saved (if you include Leon’s sixteen years doing it alone), but still, it was astounding to visually see it.

The familiar woman stepped forward at Arthur’s gesture, and the trio suddenly realise what’s about to happen. “Oh shit.” and variants of the above are muttered by all three as they wait with baited breath. There’s not really anything they can do to stop this:

“Your Highness, firstly I would like to thank you, for accepting my people back into your Kingdom-”

Her voice quietens slightly as she glances to the floor, her eyes filling with tears before she looks up again:

“-many of us haven’t been home in... in a long time, and it’s good to be back.-”

Arthur nods, giving her a smile despite his still growing confusion at the crowd behind her. The woman looks quickly to Leon, giving him a brief smile as he gasps, recognising her. She looks back to the King, raising her voice and her head as she continues:

“-Secondly, I would like to extend an even greater thank-you to Sir Leon, and his two companions, without whom many of us would have died. They risked their lives sneaking us out of the city when your father hunted us, and after, when we were still at risk of execution, but they never stopped, and never gave up. We are but a fraction of the hundreds of people they saved, and we have nothing to offer them but our unending gratitude, and a humble demand that they are rewarded for their service to Camelot’s people. They are heroes to us all, and always will be”

Arthur looks slowly over to a very teary Leon, who doesn’t even glance his way as he stares at the former servant-girl, a weak smile on his face. Merlin and Lancelot meet The King’s gaze in his stead, smiling sheepishly and shrugging as they nod, confirming the woman’s story.

Arthur shakes his head minutely, half proud of his friends, and half annoyed at being caught off guard, before turning back to the woman, the smile back on his face:

“I’m glad to welcome you home, all of you, and I apologise that it took so long for me to right the wrongs committed by this Kingdom. Sir Leon and his companions will indeed be rewarded for their service,-”

At this, Arthur turns to look at the trio, a soft, meaningful smile on his face as he nods at them:

“-and I extend my thanks to them also, for being brave enough to protect my people, when I was not.”

Leon finally meets The King’s gaze, and returns his nod. Merlin and Lancelot each clap him on the back, before the three of them descend into the crowd. A loud cheer goes up around the courtyard, the rest of the knights, Morgana, and Guinevere looking on in shock as the trio greets person after person, accepting thanks and hugs and laughing joyously at the reminder of the good they’d done, despite their fear.

~

THE END!!

I really loved writing this one😄! Honestly this idea started out as crack, but I’m glad that it ended so wholesomely :)

Same as usual lads, someone wants to write it up properly or extend it, go for it, credit and tag me ✌️

[weakforarwen]

Aithusa

This episode’s rather enjoyable now I know Aithusa’s significance in the story. The pacing’s good, there’s adventure, humor, gorgeous sceneries and score, and almost no Agravaine, and Merlin becomes both a tomb raider and a father. 

But when I first watched the episode, it seemed like a filler one, oddly placed after the episode Arthur became King. Watching it now, I wondered why this episode and His Father’s Son weren’t switched. I think Arthur’s poor decisions in episode 5 would’ve made more sense in light of his grief, while the actions he took to correct his mistakes would’ve shown the kind of King he was and could become - one far better than his father. As it was, it didn’t feel like Arthur had been driven by grief, so his decisions were all the more baffling. Also, showing Agravaine as the “replacement” Uther would’ve had its own significance. 

Instead, we have this buffer episode. It’s much lighter in tone than episodes 3 and 5, and not immediately relevant to the plot. Maybe the writers thought we needed the breather, but it didn’t seem like Arthur was mourning his father, and the episode didn’t establish Arthur as a King. 

However, Arthur’s motivations in this episode were to not let his father’s work be in vain, so the episode showed Arthur will continue his father’s work in some way, and functioned as a prelude of sorts to His Father’s Son. The deleted scene in this episode further proved it. 

M: I didn't really know him [Merlin’s father] that well, but...I was proud of him. I want him to be proud of me. A: I can understand that. You should try being in my shoes. It was hard enough while he was alive, always having to live up to what he expected of me. It's even harder now. I now know what he faced, the decisions he had to make. I tell you Merlin, don't start measuring yourself against a man who's dead. You'll never win.

Why did they delete this scene? It showed that Arthur believed he couldn’t measure up against his father, and with Uther being dead he was bound to seek approval from someone who could no longer give it. Agravaine played on those insecurities in His Father’s Son. He confirmed Arthur’s suspicions that his father was a better King than he could ever hope to be, which convinced Arthur that he needed to what his father would’ve done. 

At the same time, Arthur was warning Merlin to not seek approval from a dead man. It’s impossible to measure up to a dead person because they are larger than life; whatever mistakes they did in life are erased by death. All Arthur remembers now is that he never truly appreciated his father; he hadn’t known what it means to be King. He admires Uther all the more now, and feels his own inadequacy more strongly. Also, people expect Arthur to be like his father, so he has an even bigger burden placed on him. He was telling Merlin not to be like him. He wanted Merlin to be himself and not live for a dead man like he was.

Anyway, I don’t like the way Dragons are spoken of and treated, and I hate the power Dragonlords have over them. Gaius tells Merlin that maybe the Old Ways are better left in the past and Dragons should be extinct. Why? Why do humans deserve to live, but not dragons? Because they are too powerful and we can’t control them? Because they can’t be controlled? In theory, as long as there are Dragonlords, dragons can be controlled, although that gives Dragonlords an awful amount of power. Are dragons to be feared because they are dangerous to humans, like Kilgharrah was, or because they can be controlled by humans, like Aithusa was? But Kilgharrah attacked Camelot to take his revenge against Uther and Aithusa was young and impressionable, and loved by Morgana. 

We don’t know enough about dragons to know anything for sure. We don’t know that all of them are dangerous. They’re just like humans, sentient and intelligent, some bad, some good. So it makes me queasy that Dragonlords have so much power over dragons, especially when the dragonlords are all male... 

Merlin tells Borden that dragons should be free as they belong to no man, but are, rather, “for the benefit of all”. What does that mean? If they belong to no man and are truly free, they shouldn’t exist for anyone’s benefit, least of all a human’s. But, of course, they aren’t free. Kilgharrah even says that being a Dragonlord is a “gift”, which is rather gross. Of course, at the time, he had been trying to guilt Merlin into finding the last dragon egg for him. He reminded Merlin of his “duties” as Dragonlord and that his father had died for Kilgharrah (because Kilgharrah had decided to attack people...).

Ashkanar was apparently a wise man who guarded the dragon egg for over 400 years. Did he know Aithusa would be used for evil? The druids spoke of the legend of  Ashkanar, but neither them nor Gaius apparently knew Aithusa’s fate. Did Kilgharrah know? His parting words to Merlin are rather ironic:

A white dragon is, indeed, a rare thing...and fitting. For in the dragon tongue, you named him after the light of the sun. No dragon birth is without meaning. Sometimes the meaning is hard to see, but this time I believe it is clear. The white dragon bodes well for Albion, for you and Arthur, and for the land that you will build together.

Yet again, Merlin dooms Arthur. Indeed, he should rejoice that he’s brought Arthur one step closer to his death.

Aithusa’s birth was beautiful, though. It brought tears to my eyes. The score was so beautiful in that scene. But I wonder, as a Dragonlord, why Merlin didn’t think it was his responsibility to take care of Aithusa? He probably trusted Kilgharrah to do it, and perhaps believed Aithusa should live freely without his interference, but he didn’t even ask Kilgharrah how Aithusa was? Wasn’t that irresponsible?

Also, I can forgive Arthur’s fear of dragons. He knows nothing of them, but one did kill his people and nearly destroy Camelot... Why wouldn’t he want them dead? As far as he knows, they’re mindless beasts.

But what I can’t forgive Arthur or the other Knights for is bullying Merlin. They thought it was funny to eat all the food he cooked and make him do the dishes? It’s like they were having fun making Merlin their housewife, like it was “funny” to see a man behaving that way. How is starving Merlin funny in the slightest? Did they believe Merlin had already eaten? Just, why would they bully him like that? They thanked him for the food, but wouldn’t let him have any. 

Poor Merlin deserved better, as always. It’s not just Arthur anymore, the knights treat him like he’s “only” a servant too, though they listen to him more often than Arthur does.

Speaking of Arthur, his trust in Merlin is touching. He caught Merlin going through his stuff but didn’t assume he was stealing anything. Of course he didn’t, but that means he believed in Merlin’s explanation that he was searching for woodworm. Scenes like this make me understand why Arthur believes Merlin’s an idiot, and why Merlin believes Arthur’s a clotpole. 

Also, Merlin chose the most humiliating way to steal the keys to the vault from Arthur. Honestly, well done, Merlin. 

[evedaser]

i was writing in the tags but i rambled too long and it got cut off so i'm writing it properly instead:

disconnected take, but i feel like in the last episode, merlin should have killed mordred and arthur should have killed morgana.

i know in the myths arthur and mordred fight at camlann and thats the whole big deal, trust me i know. and they built up emrys as morgana's prophesised doom for multiple seasons, plus the whole “she is the hate to your love” thing (which was ridiculously romantic for a declaration of how their souls were destined to hate and kill each other)

but i feel like it would have been good: merlin deals with the druid problem, arthur deals with the pendragon problem. (and as one final fuck you to destiny - morgana was killed not by her doom foreseen, but by her brother whom she betrayed. in the end it would have been her actions and not her destiny that brought her death. true retribution, rather than tragedy.)

mordred was only a threat in the last three episodes to arthur, but to merlin he was a threat for FIVE SEASONS. has been taunting him since 1x08. merlin was warned about mordred before he was warned about morgana. besides, morgana and arthur had a lot of unresolved things going on!! arthur watching merlin kill her, watching his manservant lay her down as the light leaves her eyes -- thats fucked.

arthur should have been able to kill his own sister. merlin should have been able to kill mordred in rage and revenge for what he did to arthur -- no longer the child who would grow to fill a horrible destiny but was yet innocent, but a knight who struck his liege. a turncoat against his lord. the man who killed the king. and what was merlin if not a protector of the crown?

this whole part here the tags cut off so i have to try to remember what i wrote, but basically i was going on about how to enjoy bbc merlin you kind of have to ignore how messy it is politically and morally. i can understand the "if you kill the villain it makes you just as bad as them" statement (even if i don't necessarily agree with it. killing a bad person does not mean you take on the extent of their crimes, especially for more dangerous villains like uther, but i do agree with the principle -- that killing is wrong, and good people should seek to refrain from staining their hands where they can), but uther was actively killing people!! people were suffering and dying because he continued to live, this is an undisputable fact. and yet merlin actively protected him from threats (not him so much as arthur, but the point stands). the thing is that these problems start so early in bbc merlin that fix-it fics that resolve the problem of "dealing with genocide and persecution by protecting the perpetrator" lose most of the essence of the show. they have to sever themselves from the main plot very very early on!! stories that deal with morgana and mordred properly have to diverge in season 1 or early season 2, and again, lost most of the show. i'm not saying they can't be done well or that they're unenjoyable, i'm just saying the final product becomes unrecognisable.

i love this show, i really do, but i am also saying that to enjoy it i do have to set aside my moral beliefs and political values a little bit. i have to ignore how much my attitudes mean i might not actually be on merlin's side if i was in the show, as much as i don't actually fault him for his actions and would not commit or perpetrate violence of my own (not to say i agree with morgana either, i don't!! not on any level).

this is not a dig at merlin as a character, not at all, i have so many thoughts on why i DON'T blame him and i will be writing an actual serious piece about it someday soon, but it is i guess an acknowledgement about the rocky moral basis the show stands on.

and now i shall go back to ignoring it so i can enjoy my silly little wizard show again

the writers of bbc merlin did a very upsettingly good job of convincing the audience that murdering a child might be justified. that even considering it, having to grapple with it, is a noble and morally intense thing to do.

if this wasn't a fantasy show, if this was literally any real person ever, the dragon would say "murder the child" and merlin would fuck off and never return because WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOPATH SUGGESTS CHILD MURDER AS A SOLUTION TO YOUR PERSECUTION

[whenyouhearthedoorcreak]

Fuck it, I wrote the goddamn essay

I'm far too invested in this series so heres my far overthought essay on Merlin as a Shakespearean Tragedy

Okay this is just a rough outline of what I want to talk about, but the basic premise is that merlinBBC lines up to be a perfect Shakespearean tragedy (ST)

The nine points of a ST ~

The Tragic Hero ~ Arthur is The tragic hero but Merlin also fits into it on a more personal level. Arthur is a man of great presence and station he fights all the monsters and dies in the end, He has this great destiny that lays heavy on his shoulders and he unknowingly drives the plot for most of the show (I just realised how much of this show Arthur just doesn’t know about? Like the entire plot is happening behind him and he’s just having a sword fight (sub thought, that is exactly how I would frame this if I directed a play of Merlin))

Good Vs Evil ~ Morgana sort of handles this all on her own? She is presented as the moral compass of the show and is then slowly manipulated into a position of villain although there is a more complex look at this being represented by merlin gwen and morgause but that would take an awfully long time to explain

Fatal Flaw ~ typically this is given to the Tragic Hero™ but because Merlin and Arthur sort of split the spotlight this is applied mainly to Merlin. Merlin is deeply and unshakingly loyal to Arthur and while this is initially and somewhat veiled as loyalty to his destiny and the future he’s fighting for, it’s easily evident from his actions in “the sins of a father” that he is quickly becoming more loyal to Arthur than magic and chooses Arthurs well being over the fate of magic kind.

Tragic Waste ~ this is the idea that the hero will die before completing all he could do, and if that doesn’t sound like Arthur then we didn’ watch the same show.

Conflict ~ the corruption of merlins and morgana from morgause and Killgarah is the real core conflict of this show, if those two characters had never been there none of this would ever have happened. While i would agree that they could have done it better the main theme of this shows conflicts in manipulation,

Dichotomy of villainy ~ we are left by the end of this show unable to really take a side because everything felt preventable, for this reason morgana’s death and Merlins victory still feels mostly hollow

Supernatural element ~ I feel like this is fairly self evident

Ambiguity of poetic justice ~ “good will always triumph and evil will always suffer” is the simple moral code that most writing goes by, however a ST subverts this, often having its good characters commit acts of moral ambiguity and the hero inevitably fails or dies in the process. This is doen in MerlinBBC with Merlin never fulfilling his destiny and Arthur never repealing the ban on magic. We can suppose given Gwen's scene during the battle of camlann that she will most likely repeal the ban on magic and raise merlin to the title of Court Sorcerer as is vaguely hinted towards given his position in her coronation scene.

Comic relief ~ STs aren’t all sorrow and hannes acts, they have their fair share of jokes and funny moments. We can see that in some of the more joky episodes, but also in things like That tavern scene.

The last piece of this tragic puzzle is the most obvious, the five seasons of Merlin are the five acts of a Shakespeare play. I've made a handy chart to understand what I mean. Because it's a t because its a tv show and therefore worried about viewers returning the act structures isn’t broken up perfectly, but it still fits fairly well. The thing that leaves people bitter about the end of this show, I think, is because they expected the show to settle, to find a rest in its ending, what we got instead was a camelot that (while still having a trusted monarch) was still in turmoil, and a shot of merli alone and sad 1500 years in the future still waiting for arthur.

What happened with merlin is that we never got the finally, “everything will be okay” moment and so we are left wanting

The themes of Merlin are a dichotomy of Peace and Equality Vs corruption and manipulation, this is displayed through the main characters of Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana, with each being manipulated and corrupted by Killgarrah, Uther, and Morgause respectively. This is shown best through the use of Forked Path. (which I weirdly can’t find any articles or anything for? Which is odd given how popular it is but anyway) the Forked Path happens anytime the characters are presented with two strict choices without much wiggle room, both of which could end badly in the long run but must nonetheless be chosen between. This is very clear with season two's story arc between merlin and morgana, in which merlin must either kill his friend to prevent a possible future, or let her win and risk the demise of albion. Merlin attempts to avoid this, temporarily disabling Morgana from enacting her plans and the like, but in the end he is forced to choose. Arthur is continuously presented with the problem of whether to trust and show mercy to magic. Morgana is presented with either killing Uther and freeing magic, or running from camelot and lending to the further persecution of the druids. The thing you might notice is that these are all linching on Merlin and whether or not he tells the truth, his silence provides false dichotomies for the other characters. This is the manipulation I mentioned earlier. Merlin is led to believe again and again that he Must commit acts against his morals to save Arthur and therefore Albion. But as no fan will hesitate to point out, he never really had to. This is a show of the trope of Self Fulfilling Destiny that's found in all tragedies since ancient greece. Merlin’s attempts to stop morgana directly lead to their conflict, his keeping his magic a secret to protect arthur ultimately leads to arthur's death (having only met “evil” sorcerers arthur never repealed the ban and so mordred sides with morgana). If Merlin had followed his own heart then all would have worked out well, but instead we see Killgarrahs manipulation stop merlin from acting in camelots best interest.

[ellayuki]

24122022 - BBC Merlin

and the fairy tale continues (we're alive, we're alive, we're alive)

"Happy" 10th anniversary to the episode that broke all of us!

~

The first thing that happens, when they finally get back to Camelot, some long, tiring days later, is that Arthur sleeps for three days.

It worries everyone, worries Merlin more than anyone, for all of Gaius' reassurances that the king needs the rest after dying and then coming back to life, but in the end, Arthur wakes up, groggy and cranky with hunger, and no different that he'd been a week ago.

In the meantime, Merlin mourns.

Mourns Gwaine, when he learns of his death from Percival. Mourns even Mordred and Morgana and the kind people they used to be.

And he wonders what will become of him.

Because Arthur might have forgiven him with his dying breath, but that was then. And magic is still forbidden in Camelot.

("You worry too much," Gwen tells him, holding his hands tightly in her own like she hasn't done since before her coronation. "Arthur will change every law in this land before he puts you to death."

Merlin smiles weakly. He'd like to believe her. But, "I lied to him all these years. He said it's all forgiven but… how can things ever be the same again?"

She looks at him, something knowing in the corner of her smile. "Maybe things shouldn't be the same. Perhaps… Perhaps some change will be good.")

It's another three days before Arthur finally puts him out of his misery, when Merlin's already ready to head for Ealdor, never to return again.

"You've lied to me, for ten years," Arthur says from his throne, crown on his head, back straight, and Guinevere's hand in his. "Some of my advisors insist I try you for treason as well as for sorcery."

Merlin breathes. He stands alone in the middle of the gathered crowd, and he can feel every single pair of eyes on him like never before. Surprisingly, he doesn't feel afraid. He doesn't feel much of anything other than the way his heart beats in his chest at the thought that this is finally it. This is the day he loses everything.

But if he dies, then so be it.

He doesn't regret a single day of the years he spent in this kingdom, in this castle, at Arthur's side.

"If I'm for the gallows," he says, meeting Arthur's eyes and ignoring the murmur in the throne room. "Might I request an executioner's axe bring me a swift end? I know burning at the stake or hanging are the usual methods, but… I'd rather it end quickly."

Arthur frowns. "The gallows? Oh." He huffs, and something about it makes Merling blink. "Oh, you really think-" He huffs again, and shakes his head.

"Will it be exile, then?" Merlin asks, confused. Well, not that confused. Arthur is merciful, at least. More so than his father ever was. Merlin wouldn't have seen Arthur awaken from his three day sleep, had Uther still been alive.

All at once, Arthur's entire posture… deflates. "You really are an idiot," he says. He looks up for a brief second, like he's asking the gods for strength (which, rude). Then, he stands up. "How many times have you saved my life since you have been in my service?"

"I told you it's not-"

"How many times, Merlin?"

Merlin sighs. Shrugs. "Lost count, honestly. You have a tendency to attract danger that, quite frankly, has become tiring, Sire."

Arthur raises an eyebrow. The murmurings in the hall rise in pitch. "I see. And have you ever hesitated?"

Merlin straightens his shoulders. "Not even once. Even if you annoyed me to the edge of my tolerance half the time. Even if I was locked up in your damn prison cells or when you expressly forbade it."

"I understand." Arthur nods, then sits back down on his throne. "Alright. Well, that settles it."

Merlin catches the way Guinevere tries to smother a smile out of the corner of his eyes. And- "Sire?"

"Your punishment, and I will not hear a word against it," he says, directing that last part to the entire room, "will be thus: You'll live out the rest of your life as my manservant. I will not have you leave my sight from today on."

And it's… not what Merlin expected.

And it's everything he had hoped for, deep down. For Arthur to know him, and accept him, and not from him to the pyre.

He bows, deep, and for once, not mocking. "As you command. Thank you. Sire."

~

("Did you really think I'd have you executed or exiled?"

"It would have pacified some of your advisors and the nobles, Sire."

"...you really are an idiot, Merlin."

"Yes, yes.")

[meta-enthusiasm]

You know what I am really fucking tired of seeing in popular media?

The "evil, hysterical woman in power" trope. The clichè that potrays women who are in a position of power as overzealous, unhinged, power hungry maniacs who are a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Female leaders are shown as less resonable and down to earth as their male counterparts, and are often villainized by either the fandom or the narrative of the story itself. They are doomed to fail because of their womanliness and need to be taken down before they enact their evil plans, preferably by a man, or a woman who performs the 'right' kind of femininity.

This trope relies on the sexist misconception that women are more fragile than men, more emotionally unstable and unpredictable.

"Women aren't cut out to be leaders, they should be nurturing and supportive and tend to their families. Having higher aspirations is against their nature and will eventually break them and drive them crazy."

That type of bullshit that was designed to keep women out of leadership positions and keep oppressing us. To keep us quiet and submissive.

Here are a few examples to further explain this stereotype:

Daenerys Targaryen is one of the most well known characters to fall victim to this trope. She is an abuse and rape victim, seeking to change the current social and political systems of the world because she knows how many people suffer under its injustice. ("Crush the wheel.")

For all her compassion and charity she has shown over the series, the writers decided that it would be reasonable for her to go crazy at the end of the show and, despite promising she wouldn't inflict more damage than necessary, kill thousands of innocent people whose government had already surrendered to her.

And guess who had to kill her in the end? Yup, another man. Her love interest, who was "forced" to betray her.

Next, we have:

Morgana Pendragon, from "Merlin". To remind you, she is an abuse victim who had to endure her father's controlling behavior and bigoted attitude towards people with magic abilities which, suprise suprise, she turned out to have. She had to watch as her father murdered and oppressed people just like herself, and when she challenged that behavior, he would come down hard with punishment. (Going so far as to actually throwing her in the dungeons for a couple days.)

Eventually, she rebelled against the corrupt system and had her genocidal father killed. She led a rebellion against Camelot after Uther's son (Arthur) continued to oppress magicians under his reign, and sought to create a better future for herself and her people.

So far so good, right? Well, no. The problem here is that she is the antagonist of the story. She is portrayed as being in the wrong for not quietly taking the injustice and watching it happen.

Halfway through the show, she becomes obsessed with power and status and desperately chases after the throne of Camelot. She is extremly vindictive, manipulative and cruel to others to archieve her goals. She is a "hysterical woman" who is out of control, emotionally unstable, challenges the patriarchy, and therefore needs to be defeated.

Her death was portrayed as tragic, yet absolutely necessary.

(Of course it had to be a man who killed her.)

Azula is the epitome of this horrid, misogynistic trope. She is a fierce, ambitious leader and highly skilled fire bender, respected and feared among her people. She is highly driven and succeeds at almost everything she sets her mind to.

Ever since she came into this world, she was better at everything than Zuko. She was a better fighter than him, a better bender, better strategist, better child. And that is precisely the reason why she had to lose in the end.

Despite coming from the exact same circumstances as Zuko, the story and the fandom at large see Azula as way less redemable and likable than him. Even though she is an abuse victim whose own mother hated her and is a literal child soldier, she doesn't get any sympathy from the protagonists of the story. The otherwise so understanding and wise Iroh even calls her "crazy", (which is, if you've done some basic research into misogynistic expressions, really fucking problematic.) and tells Zuko that there is no saving her. Why? He doesn't tell, but it's obvious that the writers made him say this because of their own internalized sexist beliefs. She isn't offered a way out of her toxic environment like Zuko was. She didn't get the support from Iroh because he had already given up on her.

To top it off, she has a nervous breakdown near the end and loses her remaining sanity. Because, you know, "She's craaaazy!! And SO unstable!! Typical woman." (Not to mention how this further stigmatizes mental illness and portrays it as something only evil people get.)

She was supposed to become the next fire lord, a position that carries utmost power and influence. Of course, such authority could not be given to a woman. That's why Zuko, a man, gets to be the next fire lord, and we are left assuming Azula will be spending the rest of her days in prison.

The writers assume the audience detests Azula and wants her to suffer. She doesn't deserve a happy ending, or the love and support that Zuko got.

Why? Because she poses a threat to the status quo, the patriarchy. She challenged the belief that men had to be the best and most efficient at everything they do, that women could indeed be better leaders and be happy with having a career and not be nurturing, motherly figures to the men in their lives. And for that transgression, for breaking gender stereotypes, Azula was punished.

(It's also why Katara, someone who performs the "right" kind of femininity by being nurturing, motherly, supportive, healing, doting, and is the care taker of the group, ends up taking Azula, the evil and perverted form of femininity, down. I believe @batboyblog has made a similar post about this.)

This is Carmilla from the popular Netflix show "Castlevania", and if you've payed attention to my previous points, it should be pretty obvious what her character represents and how her story ends.

Note that she is also an abuse and rape survivor who is represented as evil and cruel for being angry at what was done to her.

To top it off, she is also an example of the man hating woman stereotype, whose anger at the misogyny and sexism of the world is portrayed as an "overreaction" and as "too much".

At the end of the story, she had to be taken down by another man (Isaac) so that the status quo could be preserved, and the reign of a crazy bitch like her could be stopped. Horay, the day is saved from yet another unstable, selfish woman who would have brought suffering and pain over her country if allowed to rule. Hysterical women with their demand for equality.

Conclusion:

In all these examples, we can see female abuse victims thriving for power and status, for respect, being represented as something negative and something to avoid. Trying to fundamentally change a system that is rigged against women/female representing people is a fruitless endevour that will eventually fail and drive us crazy, because our minds aren't strong enough to handle this type of responsibility and status.

Holding on to anger and bitterness over what was done to us is the sign of a bad person, and the only morally acceptable path is to forgive/ignore our abusers and let the injustice continue to happen.

Strangely enough though, that same gaslighting, victim blaming mentality gets almost never applied to male characters. Men who seek vengeance are never portrayed as weak or crazy for giving in to the wish of changing a corrupt system/killing bad people. (Batman, the Punisher, Hawkeye, John Wick, Jason Todd, Erin, Scar from FMAB, Iron Man, and so on)

The reason why these stereotypes almost never apply to men but almost always to women is sexism. There is no other explanation for this. These tropes were specifically designed to make society believe that women aren't cut out for leadership positions and are happiest with domestic, easy tasks like watching after our children and taking care of the household.

Women who are angry, women who are dominant are to be feared and distrusted. They are represented as a danger to the general public and need to be taken down before they enact their evil plans.

Feel free to add further examples.

[rainbowvamp]

Alone Too Young

The first installment in my Princess Bride AU. Today we meet our first protagonists, Gwen and Elyan (playing the parts of Valerie and Inigo respectively). Wednesday, we get the rest of their origin story, and Friday we start with the Princess Bride Retelling Proper (Morgana/Lancelot for the main pairing).

Warnings for semi-graphic depictions of murder (Thomas's) and blood. Also semi graphic depiction of injury (Broken ankle), and mentions of death and burial rituals. Implied threat of sexual assault.

Teen and Up Audiences Advised.

Summary: It was supposed to be a day like any other day. Except the king came early for his commissioned sword, and slayed their father before left, leaving Gwen and Elyan orphans.

Word Count: 3,859

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32975395

For Protagonists: Albion Party 2021 (❤️Red Team Rulez💋)

---

It’s just like any other day, really. Father is in his smithy, creating a sword. Elyan is there, helping him, and Gwen is in the kitchen, preserving the ripe spring fruit for winter and fall. Her mother had taught her to do this, when she was still very young, and when mother had died, the kind woman down the road had helped her perfect the craft. Most of the household chores had fallen to Gwen in her mother’s absence, while Elyan had tried to apprentice under his father and her father had to work even harder at the forge to buy pre-made clothes, since Gwen couldn’t sew nearly as fast as her mother and she and Elyan were both at the age where they outgrew clothes quickly

Gwen had heard father telling Elyan that this sword will be his master work. That it is the most beautiful thing he has ever created, and it will fetch a good price, keep them fed through the winter when firewood is harder to find, and buy them both nice warm clothes that they won’t have time to grow out of.

The King himself has commissioned the sword, he hears them whisper in the quietest tones late at night, while Gwen attends to her sewing, trying desperately to make enough clothes, and patch and resize what she can salvage. King Uther will be there at the end of the week to pick it up, coming himself to inspect the craftsmanship. It’s a high honor. Tomorrow Gwen is meant to begin preparing the house for royalty.

Only… a very fancy looking party is coming down the road, past her house, towards her father’s smithy. The clatter of chainmail and swords, the clop of hooves and the creak of carriage wheels passes her by, and she is worried, because there was no word that anyone noble would be passing through their little village. And the knights are all dressed in an unmistakable Pendragon Red.

Gwen leaves her jam, covers the fruit with a towel so the flies and bugs can’t get to it, and she dresses hurriedly, not even putting her hair in a nice braid before donning her cap and making for her father’s forge, taking the shortcut that she knows by heart after years of being sent to give her father, and now Elyan lunch, dinner, and water.

“It’s not ready.” She mutters to herself as she goes as quickly as she dares in her nicest dress. “It’s not ready. Father will be so embarrassed.”

She slips into the forge through the back door, and can already hear the King’s party coming.

“Gwen,” her father says, voice high and mouth smiling. “What a lovely surprise. Is the jam-making going well?”

“No.” She shakes her head and tries to pull herself together, heart racing and breath weak from having come as fast as she had to try and outrun their horses. “No, father. The King! I saw his party coming this way. He passed by the house not long ago. Where is his sword?” She is quick, frantic as she speaks. Her heart is racing, her head turning side to side, looking for any sign of the sword her father has spent weeks and weeks making.

“The King? He’s not due till next week.” Father’s voice mirrors her now, as he looks toward Elyan. “Give my that sword, son. It’s not ready, but I can polish it up before he gets here.”

“Hurry, please.” Gwen says, frantic, as Tom is looking for his polishing materials. Maybe it’s the clopping of hooves she hears, or maybe it’s the racing of her own heart, getting louder and louder. King Uther is not known to be patient or forgiving. She is terrified of what might happen if he is displeased in any way. Could he take the forge? Kill her father?

No. No, she couldn’t think like that. She just couldn’t. It would only make things worse, to think like that.

“Elyan, take your sister home. I don’t want either of you here for this.”

“Father, no!” Elyan begins to protest, and Gwen goes to do the same, but Tom’s gaze becomes hard, his mouth set in a firm line that quiets them both.

“I said, take your sister home. I’ll see you both for dinner.”

No you won’t. Gwen’s terrible thought replies, but she pushes it down, pushes it back. Because she won’t believe it. She won’t. Her father will be fine. He crafts the finest swords in all of Camelot, and even if the sword isn’t finished, it is still beautiful, and sharp, and the king will not be disappointed in it. Of course he won’t be.

So then why does the thought feel so much like a lie.

Her brother takes her arm and leads her out with much more authority than he had any right to. He is smaller than her by an inch, though he will catch up to her soon. Guinevere is only fourteen, he only fifteen, sixteen come winter, but mother had predicted that she would grow faster than he would, leaving Elyan to catch up when he was older. Soon he would, she is sure of it.

They dash through the trees, but Elyan stops when he catches a glimpse of the King’s riding party. Gwen stops too, forboding and dread weighing her down to the spot.

“You go ahead. I’m going back with father.” Elyan tells her, and she glares.

“No, we both go home or we both go to the forge.” Gwen hardens her features, standing her ground like Mother always taught her to, and Elyan glared back at her, a battle of wits ensuing.

Eventually, Elyan sighs, defeated. “We’re wasting time. Come on. But you’re to stay outside and out of sight, and if you think they might start looking around, you run back home, do you understand? Men like that, they aren’t kind to women below their station.”

She swallows hard. She knows what he means, and what she is risking, but she will not leave her father alone, and neither will Elyan.

They race back, just barely making it to the forge as the King himself bursts through the door, loud and rude. They watch through the window, obscured by bushes and the curtain father uses to keep bugs out.

“Tom, smith, it is good to see you! I hope I am not too early.”

“Of course he’s too early.” Elyan muttered from their perch at the window, glaring at the king in a way that would be treasonous if he saw. Gwen doesn’t blame him. She’s sure her own gaze is not particularly favorable to the king just now.

“Of course not, your Majesty. I’m just finishing polishing it up, if you don’t mind waiting a moment.” Gwen can hear the tenseness in her father’s usually easy-going voice. The fear in it that the King is probably used to, maybe even delights in by the way his eyes light up.

“Excellent. I’ve heard nothing but good things this about your work. I expect the result to be excellent.”

“I endeavor to please, Sire.” Tom continues polishing the sword as the king looks around the smithy, walks casually, hands behind his back, and examines the walls lined with tools and swords and horse shoes.

“This is beautiful.” King Uther said, picking something up off a table that Gwen can’t see. “I should like it as well.”

“Thank you sire. I was actually making it for my daughter. Her coming of age is soon, but I would be happy to make another just like it, better even.” Tom is smiling, but Gwen can see the insincerity in it, the sweat beads forming at his temple are not just from the heat of the forge.

“No, I won’t be back this way for some time. I’d like this one. Make your daughter another.”

Elyan starts to stand and Gwen grabs his arm, clawing her nails into it and leveling her hardest glare at him. Their father was a competent man, and they would leave him to do what needed doing.

“The metal is from my late wife’s wedding ring, Sire. I would prefer not to part with it, if I could.” His voice is soft, pleading, begging the King to understand, but King Uther is heartless and the whole kingdom knows it.

“Hmm.” Uther carelessly drops whatever it is he is holding onto the table, the clatter making Gwen flinch even as Elyan grips the window seal like he would like to jump through it and give the King a piece of his mind. “Enough of that then. The sword.”

“Here, Sire.” Tom’s voice is soft with relief that Gwen can feel in her chest, a knot unwinding ever so slightly, that will not be fully undone until the whole thing is over and the King is gone.

“Excellent.” The King takes the sword an examines it, head and hand turning this way and that to admire the work her father had done. “That’s 100, isn’t it?”

Tom is quiet for a moment, eyes widening. “Um, Sire, I believe we agreed to 1000.”

“He can’t be serious. Father worked for months on that sword.” Elyan seethes beside her and Gwen finds her own anger is rising, even above the anxiety. She can’t see this ending well.

“1000?” The King scoffs, “What does a peasant need 1000 for all at once? 100. Take the money or you shall get nothing at all.”

“Sire, with all due respect, I can’t take less than 1000. The materials alone are worth more than 100. That handle is inlaid with real gold, precious stones. I have a family to feed, Your Majesty.” Tom’s tone is raising, higher pitched, pleading, not yet angry like Elyan so obviously is beside her. She keeps hold of his arm, not to keep him in line, but to keep herself grounded. This cannot end well for them. It will not.

“I don’t believe I asked about your family, smith.” King Uther adjusts his grip on the sword and places the tip at their father’s breast both, just beside his heart. “Be lucky I offer you 100.”

“Sire, please.” Tom is looking around frantically for anything he can use to defend himself, and his eyes catch on something just beside Gwen. When Gwen follows their path she realizes that he is looking at Elyan. Whether he has always known they were there or just discovered them is unclear, but Gwen read the words on Tom’s lips clear as words straight from a book. “Don’t.” Her father tells Elyan, and Gwen grips her brother’s arm, but it is too late. He is racing around the building, toward the door, and Gwen can’t stop him. She’s wary for her own safety, and her father had begged him not to.

Elyan doesn’t see their father’s death, because he is running around to the door, but Gwen sees it. She has to hold her hands to her mouth to keep a scream from escaping. She has never seen a sword pierce a human before. She’s never seen anything killed before today, so to have the first death she witnesses be her father’s is more than she can bear. She collapses into the bush outside the smithy window, the gurgling sound of her father’s final breaths creeping out the window, but soon covered by Elyan’s roaring yells of “father!”

Their father won’t survive. Elyan won’t survive. What will they do? What will she do? Her limbs are stiff and her lungs are empty, refusing to fill themselves. She hears the clashing of sword, and her brother’s grunts of pain. She is still crying, sobbing, even, but she holds her hands so hard to her face that she thinks maybe she’ll have bruises across her lips afterward. It hurts. Everything hurts.

She hates King Uther. Hates him with a fiery passion, but that is nothing compared to the sorrow welling inside her. Her father is dead. Her brother is dead.

She hears hooves on hard dirty road, the king giving orders to leave, and only then can she gather enough sense to crawl out of the bushes and around the smith to see what damage has been done.

Her eyes are so wet with tears that she can’t see anything but red. Red that turns deep black where there is too much blood pooled of the smithy’s dirt floor. She can hear her father’s choking, gurgling breaths and she collapses again, sobbing. She doesn’t know how to save a stabbed man. The nearest doctor is two villages away. She can’t help him. She can’t save.

“Guinevere.” Elyan’s croaking voice calls to her and she sobs harder, curling in on herself and holding her knees.

“Elyan!” She wails, “Father!” She hates King Uther. She hates him. She hopes he gets caught in a hideous fire, burns alive and has hot metal searing his flesh in his final moments. She hopes he suffers. She hopes he dies.

“Guinevere!” Elyan yells louder, though nowhere near his full strength. “Help me.”

She forces her shoulders to still and her sobs to quiet, wipes at her eyes with her sleeves. Her hand is wet, wetter and stickier than tears would leave it, and when she has cleared the tears from her eyes she sees that she has put her hand in blood. Elyan’s blood most likely. She’s enthralled by it, can’t move anymore, knowing that the king has spilt both her father’s and brother’s blood. She’s only able to move again when Elyan calls her name.

She crawls to him, ignoring the blood staining the worn blue fabric of her mother’s handed down dress, still the finest dress she owned. It was too big for her, and the fabric would have dragged through the blood even if she’d bad the strength to stand, which she didn’t.

She dropped again beside her brother, who laid in the dirt, too weak even to move his head. His foot lays at an odd angle, and his face is bleeding. There is so much blood Gwen thinks he might die too.

“I will-“ Elyan starts to say, but he winces with the pain of his injuries, “I will avenge our father, Guinevere. I will keep you safe.” He reaches up and touches the blood streak on Gwen’s face, brushes it away with the sleeve of his own shirt. She brings her hand up to hold his, tears still tracking down her cheeks and making both their sleeves wet. There father is silent beside them.

“You have to live.” She pleads. Looking over at their father, whose eyes are glassy, wide open, chest unmoving.

“I will. He laid no killing blows. He thought me younger than I am.” Elyan swallowed hard and Gwen squeezes his hand, walking on her knees to take the pitcher of water from the counter and bring it down to the ground with them. She has to help him sit up, and move him to rest against father’s work table before he can drink. He tries not to show how much he’s hurt, but Gwen can see it in the way he tries so hard not to move his left leg, and grits his teeth harder with every motion.

“Elyan, what are we to do?” She whispered once he’d drunk what little water was in the pitcher.

He doesn’t speak for a long while, and Gwen starts to cry silently again, her eyes settling on the wall farthest from where her father lay dead, unwilling to look upon his body again.

“You have to go fetch the doctor, or my foot won’t heal right. I’ll be of no use to you if I can’t walk.” Elyan grit his teeth as he adjusted himself against the table, trying to get more comfortable. “Once he’s finished with me, I doubt we’ll have much money left. I’ll find some odd jobs in the villages, see if there’s a widow needs firewood or something of the like. I’ll keep the forge going at night, prove to people that I’m as competent as father.”

Gwen nods and swallows hard. “The fruit will be bad by the time I get back with the doctor.” It’s the only thing she can think.

“Damn the jam, Guinevere. We’ll make due without.” Elyan’s voice is dismissive, angry, but she knows it’s not aimed at her. Even so she feels herself shrink, frightened by him.

“I’m sorry.” Is all she can think to say. She is sorry that their father is dead. Sorry she can’t think of anything but the jam. Sorry that she didn’t… what, stab the King? If Elyan couldn’t lay a hand on him, what hope did she have? Guinevere was never trained with a sword. She would make Elyan train her now.

That thought centered her as she stumbled to her feet. “I’m going to get the Doctor. I’ll see if The Henricks will let me borrow their horse.”

“Don’t ask them. Their son has eyes for you. Ask the Tailors, down the way. The mother has a soft spot for you.”

Gwen nods, pulling her scarf closer around herself. “She’s always been good to us.” She had taught Gwen to make jam. And to sew, and all the best household remedies and cleaning tricks. Surely they’d spare her a horse.

“She has.” Elyan nods and his eyes focus once again on their father’s dead body. She knows that’s where he is looking, but she doesn’t dare look herself. She’s only just stopped crying and she can’t afford to lose it again. She has to bring a physician back, for Elyan.

“Hurry back,” Elyan says to her on her way out the door and she nods at him, eyes steely and determined. When she passes people and they see the blood on her knees and the tears still glistening her eyes, they put two and two together. None of them stop her or ask her questions, but they leave a trail of gossip in her wake.

She ignores them.

—

The physician sees to Elyan quickly, who’s been moved to their house by a neighbor with a cart and kindness in their heart. Elyan is laid up on their father’s bed, rather than the cot they usually shared, to try and keep some of the pressure off his ankle.

The physician had given her something to help his pain, and showed her how to change the dressings on his wounds. She had taken all the instructions in stride, committing them to memory and never once glancing towards the fruit still sitting on the kitchen table, waiting to be cooked and jellied.

“You’re a very lucky young man.” The physician says as he’s packing up his things. Gwen can’t fathom how anyone could apply the word “lucky” to their situation. “The King has killed boys younger than you for smaller slights. If he had, your sister might be left all alone, and where would she be then?”

Elyan bites his tongue, and Gwen does too. They both know how lucky they are Elyan isn’t dead, but their father is, and they are still too young to be alone like this. It’s cruel of him to torment Elyan so.

Gwen sees the physician out the door, and gives him most of their money as he goes. She doesn’t know what they’ll do when the few coins they have run out, but she will just have to think of something until Elyan is on his feet again.

“Father still needs to be buried.” Elyan said as the sun begins to set. Today had seemed so ordinary only hours ago, but now it feels upside down and there’s nothing she can do about it.

Gwen nods as she tries her best to save the fruit that was left. It would cost too much to waste it now. “The Tailor’s son has offered to come first thing in the morning and help me dig.”

Elyan nods as well, but doesn’t look at her. It must be weighing on him that he can’t dig the grave himself. Guinevere remembers how at just ten years old, Elyan had insisted on helping father dig mother’s grave. Guinevere had braided flowers into a crown for her. Father had told her not to touch mother, but Gwen had always been a stubborn child, and she had snuck over to her mother’s shrouded body, moved the shroud from her face, and placed the crown on her head.

Her mother was cold, stiff, like a doll made of corn husks, but more solid. It felt strange to touch the body and find it completely stiff. The neck wouldn’t give even an inch so she could put the crown all the way around her head, so Gwen had just rested the crown askew, and replaced the shroud. Her father had caught her, yelled at her to step back. Mother had been very sick for a long time. It wouldn’t do for Gwen die as well, now that all of Mother’s duties were hers.

Mother had told her once, that she’d run a home one day. This was probably not how she meant it.

After placing the crown, Gwen had gone inside to finish the day’s chores. It was all she could do. Playing didn’t feel right, and people kept coming to the door, saying how sorry they were and asking when they would bury mother. Gwen fielded these questions as best she could, and finds herself fielding the same ones late into the evening as word of Tom’s slaughter at the hands of the king, and Elyan’s injury, spread through the village. A few of the village men bring Tom’s body to the main house, to keep it safe for the night. Gwen tells them thank you, and when they offer to help during the burial tomorrow, Gwen gladly accepts it.

“You’re too young for this.” Elyan said, with a single candle burning down on the kitchen table and Gwen laid out on the cot by her brother’s side, unwilling to go more than a few feet from him.

In the dark of the night, Gwen feels another set of tears start, and she leaves them, lets them soak the hard pillow beneath her head. “We’re both too young for this. But we’ll make it.”

“Yes, we will.”

When Gwen looks up at Elyan, his eyes are focused over her, probably on the shrouded body of their father. There will be a stink in the house by morning. There was with mother. They will have to take they father outside as soon as someone comes by in the morning, and someone will have to guard his body from wild animals while they dig. Gwen thinks Elyan should do this. It would make him feel useful. Even when mother died, Elyan had tried to be jovial, but he is nothing by sad and serious now. She can’t say she expects him to smile, but they’ve barely spoken all day except to make plans. Gwen lets the tears keep flowing late into the night, and she barely sleeps for the grief.

[theonceandfutureking6481]

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 6: A Remedy to Cure All Ills Analysis

Spoilers for the show

This episode is interestingly about Gaius, it is his arc we see here, not Merlin's or Arthur's and so this is a very interesting episode to watch because it is a vision of the world of Uther, and a vision of Gaius' own flaws. It is a world Merlin and Arthur will one day change and redeem, but as of yet this is a story more about the past then the present.

Gaius

This is something I believe I will come back to later, I'm pretty sure there's another episode later on that also addresses this idea and that is Gaius' deeply flawed nature. We as an audience love Gaius, he's a good character and Merlin loves him like a father, so we can't really help but love him too. But Gaius is flawed in perhaps one of the most dangerous ways, he is not cruel or even a bad person in any real way, but he is a coward. He is the person who in the face of injustice stands by and does nothing. His flaw is in some ways the most understandable, at least for me, its hard to be brave and to oppose power is not easy. Gaius has been a coward and has been complicit in the pain and deaths of so many in his silence, although arguably there wasn't really anything he could of done to stop it. This is revealed most of all in an exchange he has with Kilgharrah (though the 'blind eye' is also mentioned with Edwin).

Gaius: I will not choose between them (Uther and Merlin)

Kilgharrah: Then turn a blind eye. That is, after all, your talent

This is one of the first times we've seen Kilgharrah openly express emotion aside from telling Merlin about his destiny, its perhaps the first hint that he is more personally invested than he lets on. And its in an interactions with Gaius, and you can hear the disdain in his voice. This dragon has been a mouthpiece for destiny, for everything that's going to happen, he's a mouthpiece for the future and in this you realise that he and Gaius have a past, that there is more darkness in the past then we've previously understood. In this you realise that Gaius has failed to be the person he should've been, he's been a coward, and he has betrayed an entire people in his silence.

Gaius elects to turn a blind eye again by leaving, in some ways he's choosing Merlin but in leaving he's making it so he's not really making that choice, he's leaving whatever will happen in other hands. And Gwen says one of the most powerful lines in the show when he tells her that he has no choice.

"In life we always have a choice sometimes its easier to think that you don't."

Cause we do, Gwen's right. It's dangerous and easy to think that you don't have any choice but one, and everyone in this show makes that mistake at some point. Uther probably thinks that he has no choice but to persecute magic users because they're are evil. Everyone seeking revenge on Uther thinks they have no choice but to do so, and in doing no choice but to let collateral damage happen. Because if you accept that there is a choice then you accept responsibility for your actions, you accept that you are responsible for any damage you cause. You may still make the choice, but you are accepting that it is a choice you choose and the results are one's you have chosen to be acceptable. But I also love Gwen's response when Gaius tells her that he is choosing to leave, its a non-choice and also in Gwen's view its the wrong choice, but she doesn't judge him at all for it. She just says "then I'll miss you." She doesn't expect him to be brave, and she continues to care about him even as he doesn't do the right thing.

There is another note here that will be of more relevance later on. Gaius is and has been a coward, but Merlin is his redemption. Merlin is the redemption for everything Gaius has done (or hasn't done) that has helped facilitate Uther's regime. Obviously in sheltering Merlin, Gaius is already rebelling in a more meaningful way then he has in years but later in the show he will make choices to support Merlin and his destiny that will redeem him, and like so much of the show it is for the love of Merlin that he makes them, emphasising the importance of love once again.

Edwin

In many ways this is an uncomfortable episode for someone who is both not a kid and has already watched the whole show. Out of every villain in the show, Edwin is in some ways set up as the least villainous. He takes no collateral damage, he risks Morgana's life yes but ultimately he gets Gaius fired and tries to kill Uther. He doesn't even try to kill Gaius until the end, his revenge is so proportional, so seemingly justified, he hates Gaius but he doesn't try to kill him. Ultimately the show (in this episode at least) doesn't really address that complexity, they have some last minute making Edwin more evil ( he tells Merlin that they could be all-powerful together, the trying to kill Gaius and Merlin (though that was an under danger from them situation), and his parents having practiced dark magic). This ultimately succeeds, and we can go away happy in the knowledge that good triumphed over evil. This works this early in the show, this early on and we are not really sure how to feel about magic, how to feel about the great purge, how to feel about Uther, so we can accept the shows presentations of Merlin protecting Uther with little questions.

Ultimately I'm not opposed to Merlin protecting Uther, but that's largely due to how the show questions it later, because the show does address it. It does address whether or not Uther should be protected when honestly most of those seeking revenge are at least justified in the killing Uther part of their revenge.

But this has not been addressed yet, so we're left with a villain who ultimately did not seem that evil being killed and then Uther being saved.

This is also paired with this episode being perhaps the first one to truly address the horror of the great purge. Edwin's backstory is chilling, the scars on his face are there because he tried to run into the fire to save his parents when they were being burnt at the stake by Uther. There's also this sense of a barely spoken history between all the older characters, Geoffrey and Gaius don't want to remember that time, Kilgharrah reminds Gaius of how he turns a blind eye, and even in Uther and Gaius right at the end.

Uther: Do you remember them, his parents?

Gaius: I remember them all, sire

This happens, even after everything that has happened in the episode, so the episode itself doesn't even entirely erase the confusion regarding Edwin, and we don't really know who was really right. It's also an interesting moment for Uther, a moment where we see his resolve about magic slightly shift, and there is a hint of unacknowledged guilt there.

The fact that immediately after this Uther apologises to Gaius really cements this, Uther rarely admits he's wrong and he only does so when his own sense of his rightness has been questioned. He doesn't admit he was wrong with magic (and he never will), but that feeling perhaps prompts him to be able to admit he was wrong to Gaius.

Why Gaius serves Uther

Now this is a question that's hard to answer, because ultimately Gaius does serve Uther loyally for much of the show, rarely opposing him and it goes somewhat beyond just not being able to do anything else because Uther's the king, and Gaius both can't do anything but also just isn't a very brave person (though that is certainly part of it). We do find out later that Gaius ultimately doesn't think Uther's a bad king, he believes that Uther on the whole is fair to most of his people (except magic users), he's not great but he's better than a lot would be. And you see the hint of that in:

Gaius: You have always done what you believed to be right

Gaius perhaps sees in Uther a king who isn't purely driven by selfishness, a king who does genuinely seek to act in the interests of the people, and I guess that's probably better than most kings.

I also think there's a warning in that, a warning about doing purely what you believe to be right. And by that I mean acting purely in accordance with your own feelings without reference to the possibility of being wrong. Doing what you feel to be right is not always the right choice, and its something Merlin does often consider, not only because consequences are often far beyond what one person can consider, but because you may be wrong. Every person is blinded by their own experiences, Uther's blinded by his anger and hate and he mistakes that for righteousness.

Also, ultimately I might note, Gaius is physician. Most of the time serving Uther does not ask too much of him, he saves lives, he helps people, he doesn't usually have to participate in the bad. However, that doesn't take away from the fact that he still does occasionally, and he is reasonably loyal.

I enjoyed this episode, but its never been one of my favourites and it's hard to go away from this one entirely satisfied that all right ends have been achieved. The show chooses not to fully address the moral complexity at the heart of it yet, and that's fine this is after all a children's show and we are still so early in it but that does mean that in setting up complexity and not going through with it there is a level of dissatisfaction, as we struggle really to know if right really won here.

[a-written-dream]

Chapters: 1/1

Words: 1,788

Fandom: Merlin (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)

Characters: Merlin (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Alternate Universe - Future, Gen or Pre-Slash, Rebellion, Arthur Knows About Merlin’s Magic (Merlin), Cybernetics, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Captivity, Identity Reveal, Evil Uther Pendragon (Merlin), Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, pretty canon-typical though, POV Merlin (Merlin), The Merlin Melee Challenge 2021, Fights, Rebel Leader Arthur

Summary: Because they had been captured and suddenly Arthur was no longer just Arthur, he was Arthur Pendragon, son of everything they fought against.

Or: In a world years into the future, Merlin and Arthur fight against the tyranny of Uther Pendragon with an entire rebellion by their side. But Arthur hasn’t been entirely honest and even locked up in a cell Merlin can’t help the burning feelings of betrayal and anger. - For @merlin-fic-server’s Melee Challenge. Prompts: ‘I wish I’d told you’, punk, coin & Russian Violet

The metal is cold against Merlin’s back and against the skin of his wrists, even though he’s been pressed against it for the better part of an hour. He wonders briefly if it’s on purpose, if they keep the cell so cold to inflict more distress and discomfort. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

A florescent light flickers above their heads, and the only sound in the small space is their breaths bouncing off the walls. There are dents in the door from where Arthur tried to break it down, but even with his strength the door didn’t budge, and with the power-dampening cuffs around Merlin’s wrists, Merlin’s magic is all but useless. Arthur kept trying for a formidable amount of time, but when his hand gave off a sickening crunch of metal, he screamed in frustration and punched the wall for good measure before sinking down onto the floor.

Metal scraps still litter the floor around Arthur’s legs where he’s sitting in the corner now, a long time later, the fight all but drained out of him, head in his hands. The silence is heavy and thick and awkward, tense with Merlin’s anger and confusion, with Arthur’s guilt and anxiety.

“I wish I’d told you-“

Arthur’s voice is quiet and yet it seems to echo and boom within the metal box they’re locked into. It startles Merlin out of the apathetic calm he’d been lulled into by the silence. They’re waiting for their inevitable executions, and yet the sound of Arthur’s voice makes a white hot feeling of betrayal course through him.

“What,” he interrupts, “that you were leading a rebellion against your father? Believe me, Arthur, I wish you had too,” he snaps.

Because they had been captured and suddenly Arthur was no longer just Arthur, he was Arthur Pendragon, son of everything they fought against.

Arthur winces in his corner, running his hands through his hair. “No, I-“

Merlin doesn’t let him finish, too angry to keep the words bubbling to the surface down any longer. “How could you keep this from me? From all of us?” Merlin has been by Arthur’s side for years, fighting with him, protecting him, supporting him, and yet Arthur’s kept something as monumental as this a secret. “How could you not tell me?” Why did you not trust me?

“Why?” Arthur snaps, finally looking up to meet Merlin’s gaze. His blue eyes flash with anger, and Merlin is sure his own dark purple ones are just as angry. In Merlin’s fury, they unhelpfully provide him with the weaknesses in Arthur’s protective plating, with information on just where to send a spark of electricity and magic to shut down Arthur’s entire power system and deal the most damage.

Merlin blinks the detailed blueprints away. He has them memorised, but even betrayed and angry and hurt, he would never do anything to harm Arthur.

“Does it matter?” Arthur continues, voice hard and cold and wounded. “Does it matter that he raised me? That I grew up trying to be loved by a tyrant? That it took me years to finally understand the extent of his atrocities and his crimes? It sure doesn’t make me blind to them, now.” There are tears in his eyes and guilt in his voice. “Sure doesn’t make me blind to the horrific things I’ve done in his name, done to people like-“ you, he doesn’t finish. Like Morgana, like Mordred. To people with the ability to infuse their tech with magic. “I hate him, Merlin, and I hate that I still love him, but nothing, nothing, could ever make me see past the things he’s done, the things he is still doing to his own people, to my people, to our people.” He grits his teeth and clenches his eyes shut, brow furrowed in a painful frown. When he opens his eyes and looks at Merlin again, he looks so very tired.

“I tried to kill him on sight, when I first understood, really understood. I screamed my throat raw as I condemned him from the cell he put me in, and then I decided that I would do everything in my power to make sure his rule comes to an end. I can’t continue to watch people suffer under his hands, no matter how much my wretched heart still aches for his love and approval. I can’t let him continue to slaughter innocent people simply because they exist in a way that doesn’t appease him or because they disagree with him, even if I can never atone for what I’ve done. I will live with the guilt for all my life but I couldn’t, can’t, continue to live without trying to right the things he’s wronged.”

Merlin can’t do anything but stare at him, for a long stretching moment, watching as Arthur holds his gaze and swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. This, this is why they follow Arthur, why the whole rebellion would be willing to lay down their lives for him, because Arthur is a man who hurts with injustices he’s grown up never knowing but has intimate knowledge of, because he sees wrong and does anything he can to make it right, because he’s willing to go against everything he’s been taught to believe and everyone he’s been taught to love to save people he’s never met. Because he’s willing to kill his own father if it means the rest of the world gets to go on living.

“You should have still told me,” Merlin says quietly, his chest aching at the pain in Arthur’s eyes.

Arthur averts his gaze, clenching his hands into fists in front of him. The sound of metal grinding against metal fills their cell.

“I didn’t want you to see me any differently,” he admits quietly.

Merlin’s heart throbs with hurt. Does he not realise Merlin could never? Does he not know the world could turn and end and he would never see Arthur like anything other than the best, the most important person he knows?

“Arthur,” he says softly. He doesn’t continue until Arthur lifts his gaze to look at him. “When I look at you, I see a man who is honourable, compassionate, and kind. I see a man who would do anything to change the world for the better – even go against the father who raised him. I see my best friend,” Merlin watches Arthur grit his teeth and blink the wetness from his eyes, “and I couldn’t see you any differently even if I tried.”

Arthur gives him a hesitant, forced half-smile, hands relaxing against his bent knees.

“I’m hurt you didn’t trust me enough to tell me,” Merlin admits, and Arthur glances away, shame pinching his brows together. “But I’m not angry at you for being someone’s son.”

When Arthur looks back at him, Merlin smiles. “We cannot help who we are born as, only who we choose to become, and every day I have known you, Arthur, you have chosen a path that is good and just and right, that goes against everything you’ve been born into and raised to believe, to be someone who is kind and fair and understanding. And that makes you the greatest man I’ve ever known.”

Arthur’s eyes are brimming, but he’ll never let the tears fall. He never does. There’s a smile on his lips though, and this time it’s soft and small and real.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he says quietly.

Merlin smiles at him again, and he hopes it’s reassuring and forgiving. “The rebellion would do well to know.”

Arthur shakes his head. “They wouldn’t follow me if they did,” he says, as if he truly believes they wouldn’t, as if he doesn’t understand all the reasons each of them have to stand by his side.

“They would,” Merlin tells him, certain and sure. “Sure, there might be backlash from some, but most of them have followed you for long enough to know that it doesn’t matter. They trust you with their lives, Arthur, with the future. Not because of where you come from, but because of who you are. You have proven time and time again that you are willing to lay down your life for the cause just the same as the others, that you will sacrifice everything you have to give for a better world if you must, that you will not hesitate to go through hell to get us there. They don’t doubt your loyalty to them or to the world we’re trying to create, and it won’t change with this truth. They follow you because you are a thoughtful and caring leader, no matter the circumstances of your birth; the only thing that binds you to Uther is your blood and your name. They know that, just as well as I do,” he says. He’s grinning now, the edges of anger only a drop left simmering in his stomach. “You are the rightful heir to the throne, but more importantly, you are their chosen leader, and they will follow you because they choose to do so. Trust them like they trust you.” Merlin holds Arthur’s gaze with steady eyes, and he wonders if the fire he feels in his chest is as clear to Arthur as it is to Merlin. “It matters where you come from only because the world deserves to know that even the son of Uther Pendragon will not tolerate his tyranny or bow beneath him.”

Arthur swallows again. “I don’t know if I can do it.” He looks at Merlin, conflicted and uncertain and scared. But Merlin can see that he’s made up his mind, probably long before Merlin told him to. Perhaps he just isn’t ready to face it alone.

“I’ll be there every step of the way.”

Arthur’s smile is tentative and grateful.

“Thank you, Merlin.”

There’s a beat of silence where all they do is smile at each other, and then Arthur closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, flexing his broken fingers. When he opens his eyes again, the fight and the purpose that had first pulled Merlin in shines with the brightness of a hundred suns and Merlin grins so widely his cheeks hurt.

“So, how do we get out of here?”

Metal scraping against metal catches their attention as something slides underneath the door. The brass object on the floor is flat, thin, and round and they both look down at the coin, hundreds of years old and completely useless in a world where physical currency hasn’t existed for well over a century. They only know one person who still carries those around.

They turn to grin at each other.

“Gwaine.”