#like to be clear there are some differences between their faces. i think early synths were modeled after pre-war media

[capcollector]

anyway i do just kinda love the inherent existential themes of bunny and deacon. falling in love w someone who has the nearly same face of someone you lost. deacon’s own face likely not even being the one barbara knew. bunny falling in love w whoever he is now. deacon studying every bit of bunny, every contour and line and shape, every difference and (im)perfect piece of her. of all the faces that could’ve come out of that vault. why did the universe send me you.

especially those early months of knowing bunny. of trying to reckon w these indescribable feelings. but falling in love all over again w bunny as bunny. she’s real and she’s here and she’s everything and he doesn’t plan on losing her

[joshslater]

Quarantine & VR

5500-word story, so I used the Keep Reading feature for once. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

“Are you sure you’re OK with this?”

We were slowly driving through an eerily empty city center from my student flat next to campus on one side of town to Ethan’s flat on the other, with all my belongings stuffed in the back of the U-Haul. Not that I had so much stuff we needed one. I just moved into the state right before the semester started, but it was the cheapest rental we could get. No one is going anywhere with this lockdown in effect. We barely had time to read the syllabus before everything screeched to a halt. You thought we’d know by now how to handle pandemics, but nooo.

“I wouldn’t have helped you clear out your shit if I wasn’t. Bit late to ask now.” “Yeah, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.”

Ethan turned towards me and spoke with a more serious tone. “I’m really happy to have you stay at my place. I think I would go mad staying alone. Go mad or go home, and I don’t think being locked up with the parents would be better.”

He was about as new in the city as I was, but his aunt had moved out of an old apartment last year and his parents had decided to take over the lease. Apparently it was even cheaper than the student apartments and much larger, but further away from campus. Though where it was in the city didn’t really matter as long as this lockdown was going on.

“Someone else is out at least”, I said indicating out the window. Across the street, a police officer with a navy blue face mask followed our truck with his eyes. Or her eyes I guess. Hard to tell in uniform and mask. I don’t know why, but I found it a rather good look. I hate the flimsy paper masks, but these form-fitted ones kind of make you look more badass.

“Do you think he looks sexy like that?” he asked, as if he had the same thought. “It’s a bit dystopian sci-fi, but that’s not to say it doesn’t look good.” “Take next right. The one after is one way.”

The apartment had two bedrooms, a large living room, decent bathroom and kitchen. Ethan’s aunt had left some furniture, but overall there wasn’t that much stuff. Makes sense as he had barely been here a month. That’s how he had a sparsely furnished extra bedroom for me to use. This was only the second time I had been in the apartment. Ethan forced me to have a look in person before he allowed me to agree to stay with him. Now standing there with all my belongings in the truck outside and my student flat lease canceled, I realized we really didn’t know each other. I studied corporate finance and he medical computer science, whatever that meant. When I asked he tried to explain that almost everything in a hospital now has a computer in it, and a ton of work went into things like volumetric renderings of MRI scans and somewhere there I started to tune him out.

There really weren’t any overlapping circles between us, we studied completely different subjects, he was active in computer games and health, I was trying to get into the writing room of the student theatre company and looking to sign up in the cinema club. But both of us had the bright idea to start working in the student pub, and really hit it off during the start of school year party they threw for their workers. We decided to pick the same work schedule and found out we have the same taste in pop culture, music, books, movies.

And now I’m moving in with him.

He had the larger of the bedrooms with a queen-size bed in the middle, a desk with a few computers and screens set up, gaming computer chair, a reading chair. Basically his room was set up so he could live there except for visits to the kitchen and bathroom. My room didn’t have a desk, but a normal bed, an armchair that looked comfortable, and more wardrobe space than I would ever need. He told me that I could basically consider the living room as mine as well. It had two couches in front of a big flat screen. By the balcony door stood a workout bench and weights. Barbell, plates, dumbbells, and that kind of stuff. Apparently it wasn’t Ethan’s but his uncle’s, but that didn’t really make a difference here and now.

Moving my stuff only took a few runs up the stairs, so we were soon back in the truck, returning it to the rental place. Ethan really didn’t have to come with me, but he said that this would probably be the last adventure for a while, and decided to come along.

“You’re supposed to buy pizza and beer for everyone who helps you move, right? What do you fancy?” “I’d like… You know what? We’re not going to get out much, and you don’t look like someone on a strict diet. Oh, no offense!” “None taken.” “How about we both keep healthy macros and workout regimen while locked up. Instead of paying rent you can help me make sure I at least isn’t in worse shape when all this shit ends.” “Macros?” “Diet.” “Sure I can do that, if you show me what to do.” “It’s a deal then. I’d like one with Gorgonzola and ham.” “Come again?” “The pizza topping. I’m allowed one cheat day per pandemic.”

The pizza place was only a block away from the apartment. Just this one time it was great, as we walked back with one quattro formaggi and one bresaola. But it would be so much harder to eat whatever Ethan had in his plans knowing a real wood fire oven pizza was just four minutes walk away.

Unprompted Ethan started to tell his story over pizza. How his father was a successful businessman in Arkansas, but his hometown always felt too small for him. He talked about how he was making synth music in school. How that made him interested in computers. How, since it was such a small town, he had ended up on the football team without any desire or skill to actually play the game. How he had almost by accident found this education program and had looked forward to both leave Arkansas and to study. I too did a year be year recap of my life so far, up to how my girlfriend dumped me just before the summer. In a way that was lucky, because it made me feel free from obligations and actually do what I wanted.

It was 9:21 when I woke up from a knock on the door. I was a bit disoriented for a second until I remembered where I was. I was sleeping in the guest bed left by Ethan’s aunt. After the pizza we did continue to talk over beer all evening, but I didn’t feel any hangover. Just thirsty. It wasn’t that early in the morning anymore on the other hand. “Yep” I called out. “I’m making breakfast,” Ethan called out from the other side of the door. “Coming”.

It literally only took me seconds to get ready. Stand up. Sweatpants. T-shirt. Done. In the kitchen I saw Ethan had a similar fashion sense, but had gone for shorts instead. “Porridge is fine with you? It would be good if it is. Lots of fibers.” I couldn’t really recall if I liked porridge and told him as much. The porridge itself didn’t taste much, but with toppings I could get used to it. “With our schedule in our own hands I think it would be a good idea to start out with breakfast and work out. That way we can get it out of the way.” Sounded sensible enough.

I changed into shorts as well and made myself ready to do my part of becoming Ethan’s gym buddy. At a quick glance we didn’t look that different, Ethan and I. On one hand I never had that big of an appetite, but on the other I had never really done any sports, and had no gym experience, so I let Ethan guide me. He tested different motions and how many times I could do them with weights he selected and noted down the results in a notebook that would log my progress. It wasn’t at all as tiring as I thought it would be. “Oh, you’ll feel it tomorrow for sure.” We each took a shower, and I went back to my room to catch up on my reading.

A few hours later I was starting to think about lunch. More because I was getting tired of reading than actually being hungry, but I thought I should ask Ethan if he had a plan. The door to his room was open, but as I got closer it became apparent it was an oversight on his part. Splayed on the bed was Ethan, naked save for a pair of boxer shorts and a big VR goggles. His right hand was massaging his obviously erect dick through the fabric of his underwear. He must have followed his normal routine and forgotten I had moved in. I’m not a prude and do the occasional tug myself, like any student, so I was more embarrassed than shocked. As on autopilot, my mind decided to ignore Ethan and continue walking to the kitchen to assess the lunch situation, but another part of my brain decided to keep him in sight.

Walking without watching in an apartment I’ve been in for all of 18 hours predictably made me jam my toe into the door frame. In the corner of my eye I could see Ethan’s body spasm and ripping off his VR goggles as I yell out in pain and surprise. He stared right at me, eyes wide open and mouth ajar in an expression that was hard to read. Surprise for sure, but also something else in between horror and delight. Perhaps it was like the smiles and laughter after you have completely made a fool of yourself. My eyes were drawn to his, and I could feel my face twisted in pain. It was like time stood still, waiting for either of us to make the next move. Out of sheer momentum my mind continued ahead as if nothing had changed and blurted out “What’s your plan for lunch?” over whatever Ethan said at the same time.

“What?” and an awkward pause again. “I said would you like to try?” “I… What is it?”

Ethan put down the VR kit on the bed, quickly got up and stepped into his pair of shorts. His erection was still very much apparent. He pressed escape on one of the keyboards and the screen switched from one incomprehensible menu to another.

“It’s a virtual reality system. I’m using an open source environment system to render inputs from an interactive story engine controlled by a GAN AI system. I’ve been experimenting with regenerative NLP feedback loop plugins for it.” “I followed you all the way up to and including virtual reality system.” “It’s like a VR movie that is generated specifically for you. Here.”

He picked up the bulky goggles and held it out to me. It wasn’t just goggles, but a pair of headphones were built in, and there were a few additional sensors glued on. Hesitantly, and with a throbbing toe, I stepped forward and took the headset. It wasn’t as heavy as it looked. I put it on my head and as it settled into place a digital version of Ethan’s room wobbled into place as well. It was remarkably similar. The colors and patterns were all slightly wrong, but the layout of the room and placement of furniture was almost spot on. I assume he had measured everything at one point and put in the data somehow.

“Go lie on the bed.” Ethan told me. I very tentatively stepped towards the bed, and feeling my way there. It was somehow surprised to find a bed where the digital bed was, and although the visuals of the sheets didn’t quite line up with what I felt, if you just moved quick enough the illusion of actually being in the digital room felt very real.

“This is so weird.” “I’ll start a blank session for you.” “A what?”

Almost immediately a guy entered the room through the door frame. This must be some VR video recording or something because he looked completely real. About the same age as Ethan and I but more fit and, I’ll admit, better looking. He looked flush and sweaty, with his french crop unkempt as if he had just ruffled it. He wore a navy blue sweatshirt and sweatpant shorts. I couldn’t see further down from my position. “Fuck, that was so dope! I love getting pump like that, you know what I’m saying” He was stretching his arms in different ways. Then he zoned in on me, like he was actually looking me over. “Fuck, I love how you look, babe. Mind if I join?” I shake my head slowly. He breaks out in a big smile. I notice he has a bit of a sweatpants boner. Carefully he climbs into bed, next to me. There’s no vibrations of course, or heat or smell, but everything I see looks utterly convincing.

“Hey, are you OK?” “What the…”

I’m looking into Ethan’s face as he stands over me. Bewildered I pat my head.

“I removed it once the program stopped. Didn’t shake you from your sleep one bit. I guess it wasn’t that interesting for you.” “It was very convincing. I fell asleep?” “Perhaps moving stressed you more than you knew? Or it could just be, you know, how shit the world is right now.” “Fuck… I only wanted to ask about lunch.” “A bit late for that. It’s like four and something. Let’s wait an hour or two more and have dinner. Ok with you?” “Sounds dope.”

It was like neither of us wanted to talk about what had happened. I certainly had questions. Had I just fallen asleep like that? Perhaps he was right and I had been anxious about the move and how things would work out. And what was up with that program? It wasn’t gay, exactly, and it didn’t mean Ethan was gay, and if he was there wasn’t anything wrong with that. All of it was just so confusing. Perhaps Ethan was right to just pretend it didn’t happen. Poor guy. I walked in on him watching porn, and then I fell asleep when he tried to show his system. Watching the news on how ever more countries were shutting down was probably time better spent.

He had not joked about being sore in the morning. I woke earlier than in weeks feeling stiff as hell. I didn’t want to wake Ethan, but I couldn’t just lie there in agony, so I got up and did some bodyweight repetitions. Squats, push-ups, dips, and stuff like that just to get some blood flowing. It honestly felt great. Me doing morning gymnastics! Who would have guessed that a week ago? When I left my room I found out Ethan was already up, but didn’t want to wake me up.

“Dude, we need to sort that shit out. I’m ok with you making noise when you’re up. You live here.” “You live here too. What if whoever gets up first makes breakfast and wakes the other up.” “Yeah, dope. I’m down with that.”

We quickly worked out the kinks in our schedule. I would typically wake up first, do a quick workout routine in my room. Then set the breakfast and wake up Ethan. Then we would do workout together. We had different weights and number of reps, but we had very quickly settled on the same exercises, though Ethan was still adjusting my form ever so often. Ethan would then shower first while I did stretches. We then kept to ourselves until lunch. Ethan cooked for both of us. Depending on what we felt like and needed we would either go back to study or do something like shopping or that kind of stuff in the afternoon.

It was hard to keep track of time, but I think it was on a Sunday four weeks later when Ethan said during breakfast that he wanted to show me something he had worked on. He moved the workout bench and the barbell stuff to just outside his room and told me to lie down. The bar had no plates on it, and that’s how I’ve used it until two days ago when I started to add extra weight to it. Ethan emerged out of his room with the VR set in hand, and a trail of cables running in into one of his computers. “Here, give this a go.”

I was a bit surprised, given the last time, but I was also curious what he had to show. Once snugly fitted on my head I was transported into a real gym. It wasn’t a very large one, but a few people did their thing around me. He almost scared me, the guy with the french crop, when he called out “Hey, bro!” just to my left. He had the same navy blue sweatpant shorts as the last time, but his upper body was bare, glistening muscles. He took a step back and his eyes were scanning me up and down. “Dude, you look so fucking good! You’ve really been hitting the weights.” I smiled and immediately realized that I was smiling at an avatar that wasn’t actually there and couldn’t see me, but it’s amazing how good some positive reinforcement feels, even if it is from a program. Perhaps that was the surprise from Ethan.

“Here, show me what you got!”

He walked around me, through the couch I knew was there in the real room, and stood behind me. I leaned back fully on the bench and looked up. He stood over me, just behind my head, so all I saw was a navy blue bulge, some abs and pecs, and his face looking down on me. “Go on, I’ve got you.” I could somehow feel him standing over me. Was Ethan spotting me in the real world? Not that it matters with an empty bar. I grabbed it. It felt heavy. “Good. Give me 15.” He started counting as I lifted. “Slower on the way down. Keep control all the way. Ten more” As I was getting to fifteen he upped it a bit. “Come one! Five more!” As I sat the bar back I felt utterly exhausted. “Fucking awesome, dude!”

“You really went all out.” “What?”

I was lying on the workout bench but I wasn’t wearing any VR shit. I sat up and hit my head in the barbell.

“Fuck! Dude, what the hell!” “The idea was for it to be motivational, but you really took it to heart.” “It was fucking dope, bro. I’m so pumped. Guy was kind of cute too.” “You think?” “Fuck, yeah. I wish I had those pecs.” “You better start some supplements then, if you can’t even last a virtual session.” “What you mean, dude?” “It’s already lunch.” “Fuck dammit!”

I rubbed my head where I had hit it and looked around the room. It looked mostly like before, but the sun had clearly moved ahead. Fuck, I really felt pumped to get some reps in hard and really make a difference. Perhaps lunch, and then do my daily sets.

“You ok with shopping without me after lunch?” “Sure. You need anything?” “I… You said supplements.”

Fortunately for me I have a roommate that studies medicine, kind of. Well, he hasn’t actually gone to any of the classes yet, but he has the books, so he picked out some things for me to boost me. Some of it looked like medicine, in small plastic jars with scientific-sounding names that could just as well have been a frat house. Alpha-omega-manganese-BS-whatever. Some of it decidedly did not look like medicine. Enormous containers with lids that looked too fucking small, with names like amazing-gainz-ultra. He set up a regimen for me to follow, basically some stuff with every meal. I started right away that evening with something like a vanilla and chalk milkshake after dinner. I don’t know why, but something made me feel really good drinking it.

I slept fucking fantastic, and despite having done way more lifting the day before than ever I barely felt any soreness or anything. I probably woke up Ethan with my harder than normal pre-breakfast cardio. Lots of burpees and jumping jacks, so I almost felt guilty making breakfast while steaming sweaty, but whatever. Ethan had to remind me what supplements to take. I really should have written that shit down.

I had a strong deja vu while doing weights. It wasn’t until Ethan spotted barbell for me I realized that this was almost exactly what I had seen doing the VR shit. I looked up and saw Ethan standing over me similar to the guy, but Ethan was wearing grey sweatpant shorts and a red tank. I kind of wished he was topless as well, like the other guy.

“You ok down there?” “Fucking dope, bro”

I realized I must have zoned out a bit. What’s worse I could feel I rocked a hard erection out of nowhere. Rather than making a deal out of it, and run to the shower, I decided to pretend like everything is normal. Guys get boners all the times. He’s a guy, so he knows that. I even did a few extra exercises to really drive home that point. While Ethan took his shower I dared to lower my shorts and slowly stroke my dick. I haven’t cummed once since moving in with Ethan, which I realized was longer than I’ve gone in years. The days were blurring together. I hadn’t watched porn either since moving in. I’ve been too preoccupied with the move and everything else going on.

“All yours” Ethan said and closed the door to his room. I just froze. I was sitting on the workout bench, shorts by my ankles and dick in hand. He saw that. There is no way he didn’t see that. I could feel my face getting hot by embarrassment, yet I continued to sit there and stroke my dick. What the fuck is wrong with me. My mind flashed to Ethan, to the guy in the VR, to his bulge just above my eyes, to his abs to the barbell, to the free weights.

No. I got up and took a long shower, trying really hard to not think about anything. Just observing the tiles, the shampoo bottles, the soap. But there were the creeping thoughts that perhaps Ethan will find me a weird creep and kick me out. How would he do it? He’s been far too nice to be direct. Would he bring up this incident or would he just wait a week or something and over one lunch say something vague like we are not as good of a match as he hoped? Fuck. I needed to do something.

I couldn’t concentrate at all on the block on taxation I was supposed to read. Apart from the residual thoughts of unease I was beginning to see what a mistake it was to not cum in the shower. I was very close to surfing porn sites, but decided against it and ended up aimlessly browsing social media. I can’t really explain how, a hundred clicks that trended in that direction perhaps, but I got into the circles of fitness instagram people. Big arms, broad chests, and slinky stringers. Somehow I was hard again. Stealthily I walked back to the bathroom, locked the door, and started to jerk off in the shower. I’d been saving for a week and been hot all day, but somehow it took quite a while to shoot the load. My mind was a soup of barbells, Ethan, sweatpant shorts, vague old porn clips, and more recent instagram models. When I finally came it was like I’ve never orgasmed before in my life. Rope after rope shot out of me, the first few even hit the wall, and my hips involuntary thrust forward for each of them. I felt cleansed in a way, like a weight had been lifted from me. I couldn’t really understand why, though. Nothing had really changed.

I didn’t want to go back to my room and study. I rinsed the shower, got a pad and a pen, and went to the kitchen to get on top of the supplements. I decided to write down all the ingredients from the labels. I had just accepted Ethan’s plan uncritically. It’s probably fine, but I wanted to understand it. That’s where Ethan found me.

“Hey, dude. Already hungry?” “Yeah… No… I don’t know, bro.” “You don’t know?” “It’s like… Fuck. You saw, bro.” “Saw what? You jerking off?” He laughed and sat down. “You saw me doing it first.”

He was right, of course. I didn’t know how that could have slipped my mind.

“Was it porn?” I didn’t know why I asked that. I was curious, but it also felt a bit too personal of a question. “Yeah. Wanna see?”

Before I even had time to respond he continued “Let’s fill up your macros first and then I can show you. If past experiences are any indications you’ll take your time.” “Already jacked off today.” Why did I tell him that? “Even better”

Ethan had this ever changing dish where he would chop and fry vegetables like bell pepper, chili, garlic, ginger, onion, peas, and whatever else was around, pour in coconut milk and whatever spices you craved that day green curry or red curry for Thai, madras curry for Indian, Soy and miso for Japanese, anise and szechuan for Chinese, saffron and parmesan for Italian, and so on. Then serve it with pasta or grains or rice. I helped him prepare it, as I always do unless he started making it without telling me. This time however the air was different, filled with tension and awkward anticipation. He made it with chicken, lemon grass, and brown rice this time. We hardly spoke a word while cooking, and then continued to eat in silence. We both knew what was on my mind, and there wasn’t any question on the subject that wouldn’t be awkward. I was weirdly looking forward to trying out whatever it was he wanted me to try. I couldn’t explain why it felt so compelling to me. Just thinking about it made me hard. “You clean up here and I��ll go and set it up for you,” he said as soon as his plate was empty. “Yeah,” was all I could manage, and he left. I finished my plate as well, put the few things we’ve used in the dishwasher and went to his room.

His bed was made and on it was the VR headset and what I first though was a protein drink shaker. “Dude, is that a… fleshlight?” I asked him both with incredulity and genuine curiosity. Curiosity because a cable ran from it to one of the boxes on the floor that connected to his computers, and incredulity because I couldn’t believe he thought I would use one of his sex toys.

“Yes. No. Not exactly. It’s modified to connect into the haptic subsystem.” “Haptic?” “Force feedback” “It’s a vibrator, bro.” “Eh.. No. Well, not only. You’ll see.” “Why do you think I’d touch that, bro?” Though somewhere inside I knew I would. “It’s a brand new inset. You’ll be fine.”

I walked up to the bed and suddenly wasn’t sure what to do. I would need to at least lower my shorts and boxers to get the until-recently-fleshlight on my dick, but Ethan was still in the room. Not only in the room but almost studying me like a lab project.

“I’ll lie down?” “Got to strip first,” he said motioning towards my tenting shorts. He saw me hesitated and continued “Dude, I just saw you jerk off in the living room this morning”. I blushed and pulled down my shorts and boxers, and stepped out of them. “Shirt too,” he said. I removed that as well and stood naked in front of him. “Wow, you are making progress. Ok, on the bed and hook yourself up. Red dot up.” I climbed into the bed, as he told me, and grabbed the cyber-fleshlight and pushed it down on my hard dick with the red dot up towards my head. There was some sort of lubrication in it and it slid on with very little effort. It must have been heated as well, because the lubrication didn’t make it feel cold. I was given a nod from Ethan and put on the helmet over my eyes and ears.

The alternative version of Ethan’s bedroom was already there, waiting for me. I looked around and as far as I could tell everything looked like in the real world, except no Ethan of course. After half a minute, perhaps more, I was almost about to ask if he had started it when the French crop guy jumped in through the doorway, as if he was in a hurry. He was naked except for a pair of white, tight speedos that both highlighted his big package and created a reference point for his deep tan and made it look even deeper. There was a sheen over all his body, like he had been working out hard or oiled himself up, and he was breathing heavy. “Sorry, I’m late. I didn’t expect you so soon,” he panted. I didn’t know what to say. “You want me to help you with that?” he asked and nodded towards my dick. I looked down and saw a massive erection, easily twice my real size. “As an apology…” he continued.

“Yeah, sure bro.”

He made the cutest little jump of joy in response, and caught my smile. He composed himself and locked eyes with me. Then he started some sort of dance where all the movement was in his hips and abs. Then he added more of the upper body, still keeping eye contact. I thought I would hose him down with cum from my monster penis right there, so sexy was it. He smirked and moved closer. Still swaying he leaned forward and licked the head of my dick, which shot pleasure up my spine. He then started to circle the head with his tongue, before taking it into his mouth. The first few times were shallow, but then he stopped teasing and begun to really do down deep on the dick. In addition I could feel him alternate between stroking my hips, the insides of my thighs, and tugging my balls. Just as I was about to nut he stopped working on my dick and started to slowly run his tongue up my faint abs, circling my nipple. I was squirming in horny delight.

He was straddling me now, face to face. I couldn’t resist it any longer and reached to pull him towards me and kiss him on the mouth. There was a loud crack of plastic against plastic as our VR helmets collided. “Dude?” I was looking at the French crop guy who was moving his hands in front of his eyes. “Ethan?” I asked, suddenly realizing what was going on. The French crop guy looked bashful, did a little wave, and answered in not-Ethan’s voice “Yeah.”

“Did you just blow me?” “I wasn’t… No, it’s still the device.” I hesitated, considering briefly what this would mean. “Would you like to?”

[commonwealthoccurences]

Orange Colored Sky (OMTWY Part Two)

Note: Overused passing-out trope, anyone? Apologies. I hope everyone’s enjoying Fallout 4 February so far, any feedback would be appreciated!

TW: Death, blood, and violence. Injured child (burns). Be careful!

Prompt: Orange Colored Sky by Nat “King” Cole

Day: 4

Word Count: 2202

Smoke had filled the air, leaving ash scattered throughout the once pristine halls of the Institute. Amongst the gunfire and shouts of alarm, the crackling flames and the falling debris, Sole could hear the winding glass pathways creaking under the stress of the heat. Sweat was beading on their forehead, creating a thin layer between them and their armor, and their breath was coming in short, borderline choking gasps as smoke filled the air.

Something had gone wrong in the communication with the Railroad and Minutemen, and one of the charges had been set off early before someone could catch the error. Half of the science wing had been turned to dust, a large crater replacing what had once been towering and expansive, a pillar of achievement. Sole had barely dodged the flying glass and metal as they attempted to usher synths out of the area, and X6-88 had vanished into the atrium right before the blast went off.

With a moment's breath to pause and send all of their wishes of safety to X6, they began picking themself up off the cracking ground, looking around to make sure the people they were leading were okay. Charred pieces of the plastic foliage scattered through the air, floating down like smoking bits of confetti. What a celebration, Sole thought to themself sarcastically as they readied their weapon to fire at a charging gen-one synth. Their bullets hit the mark, despite the shaking in their hands, and they thanked the training Deacon had put them through.

They slipped the group of synths through the chaos with little hesitation. Fortunately, they’d had the foresight to steal a worker’s uniform off one of the dead Institute members, so unless someone looked at them closely like the last synth did, they blended right in. For all the others knew, they were an Institute employee fleeing the ruckus with a group of loyal synths. They tugged their helmet lower on their head to hide their face better as they kept running.

Despite the rumbling of the imminent collapse, the maintenance halls behind the inner walls muffled the sound of everything going downhill. Soundproofing, maybe? God knows what the Institute did that for, not that it mattered for long. The back halls were mostly deserted; they knew that at least one of the entrances had caved in, and they were so hard to get to that most had probably already died getting anywhere near them.

They paused by the doorway to the room that housed the teleporter and waved the group in, counting in their head to make sure no one had been left behind. The last synth paused and gripped their upper arms, desperate and wheezing. “Please…”

Sole reached out to hoist them upwards as they began falling to their knees, probably from a lack of oxygen. “What’s wrong?” They asked, tone urgent.

“Abigail. She’s a new synth, nine years old. She has no idea what’s happening. They left her in the atrium, I don’t know where she’s gone!”

Sole heaved out a breath and paused to steady themself, eyes closed momentarily. Even if they were synths, they were family, and they had to do right by them. With a firm nod, they ushered the synth towards the portal and steeled themself to go rushing back into the chaos. Somewhere in the back of their mind they heard X6 screaming at them to get out of there, that they couldn’t do any more if they were dead. Good thing he wasn’t there to stop him. After a moment to embrace the silence, they took off again like hell itself was right behind them. Perhaps it was.

The way back out of the maintenance halls was painfully easy, a deceptive route back into the shitshow that awaited them. Their boots echoed as they pounded against the barely-tainted floors; they left footprints of ash and blood in their wake as they charged through the empty area. With their build up of speed, it was difficult to skid to a stop when they were faced with piles of rubble where the exit should’ve been.

That was the only way out or in. Sole cursed, a loud “Shit!” that echoed off the walls, nearly drowned out by the sounds of gunfire they could hear on the other side of the newly-formed wall. They stepped forward and began examining the situation, prying their fingers under pieces of rock and support beams to see if they could find any leverage. Precious minutes ticked by in the back of their mind as they jammed their fingers in different cracks and crevices with no luck. After a few more seconds than they appreciated were lost, they finally felt something come loose.

Internally throwing as much energy as they could at praying the pieces of wall wouldn’t come tumbling down on them, they pulled as hard as they could, grunting from the strain of the weight. At first, nothing happened. Then everything came crashing down in front of them, leaving a cloud of dust and debris to join the mixture of smoke and ash. A harsh cough burned their lungs, and they leaned over, hands on their knees as they tried to eject the unwelcome particles with hacking gasps.

Their lungs, their throat, their nose, and their muscles all burned from the exertion of the fight; hell, the world was burning, or so it seemed from the flames that had now spread so heavily that it was difficult to see any farther than a few feet in front of them. They wished they’d been more grateful for clean-ish air when they had it and kept moving.

By some miracle the stairs to the higher levels of the structure weren’t completely blocked, just provided an oh-so-needed extra challenge of leaving obstacles in their path. They leapt over chunks of walls and climbed over steel beams that had fallen into the walkway, ducked under large supports, and skidded in pools of blood, shining red under the knocked-loose and now dangling fluorescent lights. 

Despite the fact that they initially believed the smoke couldn’t get any worse, the higher they climbed, the thicker and more persistent it became. As always, the wasteland came through to prove them wrong. Cursing yet again, they reached the landing and pressed their elbow over their nose, struggling to even cough. Their eyes stung and watered.

Down the hall something glinted near the floor, shining like a beacon; it wasn’t blood, for once. Maybe it was who they were looking for, or maybe it was someone else who needed help. With that thought in mind, they hurried down the hall and kneeled down to get a better look. It was an arm, with a watch latched firmly around the person’s wrist. A chunk of the wall had come crumbling down on top of them, pinning them to the ground and likely killing them instantly. Maybe it was selfish and rude, but they were grateful it belonged to an adult, wished them peace, and got to their feet to keep looking.

When they got up and redirected their attention to eye-level they lifted their gun before they even registered what they were doing. Just down the hall was a shadow, outlined by smoke and barely visible amongst the shifting light. Too short to be an enemy; they rushed forward. “Sweetheart! Hey, I’m here-” They were interrupted by a coughing fit at the sting of smoke flooding their lungs yet again. “Here to help!”

The child stumbled towards them, pressing their hands to their face. “Abigail?” They called out again.

“That’s me!” She responded, her voice a shrill, terrified cry, broken by sobs.. “Help! Please!”

Sole scooped Abigail up before the child could draw another choking breath and swivelled on their heels, headed back down the stairs with a harsh gasp of air. The smoke was definitely getting worse; they were working on a ticking clock and the smoke was just reinforcing that for Sole. They made it down the stairs in record time and were rushing across the atrium floor, dodging what tumbled down from the walls and the shattering glass, when something slammed into the back of their head and they went down in an instant, Abigail leaving their grasp with a cry. Shortly after, their vision went black.

There were no words needed for X6-88 to part the crowd; the emotion on his face and the knowledge of those around that he was there for Sole was more than enough. When he reached the cleared area, they were propped up against a part of the building, an oxygen mask pressed against their face by Curie’s small hand. She was smoothing the hair away from their face, as reliable as always when it came to taking care of them when he couldn’t. 

The sting in his knees didn’t register when he fell to kneel in front of them. They were covered in soot and sweat, the only clean space on their forehead being where the helmet had sat. He couldn’t stand to see them in the Institute uniform; something tainted on someone who had saved him. His hands were shaking as he struggled to move forward, or maybe the world was just a little unsteady.

Carefully, as if one wrong move may break them, he forced himself into action. Curie smiled at him gently and moved her arms to support Sole’s back, sitting them up a little further. He moved between them and the cold building and leaned them back against his chest. X6-88 took a deep breath to steady his trembling and reached up to take the mask from Curie’s hands. He held it against their face as still as he could and shifted his head to press a kiss against their temple. “They should be awake soon, I think. Their levels are returning to normal.” Curie spoke softly, not wanting to disturb any peace. 

X6 didn’t look up at her, and instead nodded, his eyes fixated on the rising and falling of Sole’s chest, terrified that if he looked away for a moment it’d stop. Superstition and chance was never his thing until he met Sole. He ran a hand up their arm and hesitated.

Being together while working with the Institute wasn’t exactly something that came easy. Saying “I love you” was never an option. If someone overheard or checked security tapes for some reason and found out, X6 was as good as dead, and Sole’s cover was blown. No, instead, they were clever enough to tap his arm or shoulder when they would jokingly throw an arm around him, pretending as if they were playing along with the way the scientists would joke about how he was so serious, despite the fact that it was something they had programmed into him.

And then the bird began figuring a way out of his cage, lost his stone-cold edge, and Sole began to say I love you in their own little way. Morse code. Pressed into his skin at all angles, tapped against his back in the middle of a combat situation, dotted over his shoulders and spine in the middle of a meeting with scientists. Over and over again, they said it without opening their mouth. He’d never gotten the courage to say it back until that moment, and he was terrified it was too late, shaking and full of regret.

Their breath stuttered for a moment and he held his own despite the burn that lingered from the smoke that had worked its way into his lungs. They shifted, twisting their head to the side as if trying to hide from the light of the sun overhead, and pressed themself further into his chest. He breathed a sigh of relief at a sign of them becoming conscious. Once they paused their movement, he paused, too. Then, tapped against the skin of their arm from where Curie had cut off their sleeve to place a monitor, I love you, pressed into them for the first time by his fingerprints.

Another pause. The world seemed fond of stopping time as of late when it was all too inconvenient. Then, against the middle of his thigh where their hand had fallen limp, I love you. He gasped out another breath and squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the tears that streaked down his face, no doubt leaving a path through the ash. He pressed another kiss against their temple, and then another against their cheek. 

They shifted in his arms and tipped their head back, blinking blearily as they looked up at him. It seemed difficult, the way Sole struggled to lift their arm and brushed an unsteady hand against his cheekbone, gaze filled with wonder, as if he were the only thing they wanted to look at for the rest of their days. 

Somewhere he found the strength to pull them even closer against him, practically cradling them as he rested their head against his shoulder and kissed their cheekbone again. This earned him a dazed smile. “It’s over.” He murmured, lips brushing against their skin as he spoke. “We’re free.” Their smile grew and he choked out a relieved sob. They were free, the sky lit up orange from the fiery remains of their cage.

[passionate-reply]

Are you tired of Great Albums being about music people have actually heard of? Do you want me to just go ape shit, and review obscure minimal wave cassettes from the 80s? Admittedly, Oppenheimer Analysis’s New Mexico is one of the most famous weird minimal wave cassettes, and for good reason: it actually holds up quite well as an album! Come check out what all the fuss is about. Transcript below the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’ll be talking about a very cultish cult classic, and an album that’s one of the definitive works in the very underground scene of so-called “minimal wave”: New Mexico, the only full album released by the duo “Oppenheimer Analysis.” The band’s namesake was actually lead vocalist Andy Oppenheimer, who became acquainted with instrumentalist Martin Lloyd at the 1979 World Science Fiction Convention, where the pair bonded over speculative fiction, Midcentury graphic design and propaganda, and the work of early British electronic pioneers like the Human League. 1982’s New Mexico was these two’s first recording as a group, but Lloyd did go into it with one credit--the year prior, he and David Rome of Drinking Electricity released a double A-side, featuring the jumpy, playful instrumentals “Surface Tension'' and “Connections.” They referred to their act as “Analysis,” making it feel very much a part of the Oppenheimer Analysis story.

Music: “Surface Tension”

Oppenheimer, meanwhile, was a true outsider artist, making a living as a nuclear science writer without any substantive musical background. While not all minimal wave is “outsider music,” and not all electronic outsider music is minimal wave, there’s certainly a correlation there. Oppenheimer’s reedy, somewhat strained voice lends New Mexico the punkish charm that only utterly untrained vocalists can offer: a vessel that cracks and buckles as it fails to contain the raw emotion within.

Music: “Martyr”

The addition of a singer is one major distinction between New Mexico and Lloyd’s earlier compositions, but they’re also very different in tone. As I said earlier, the “Analysis” instrumentals are sort of light-hearted and sprightly, a bit reminiscent of the jazzy synth experiments of artists like Jean-Jacques Perrey and Gershon Kingsley. New Mexico is substantially darker and more gothic, as befitting an LP that’s at least partially a concept album about the nuclear age.

Music: “The Devil’s Dancers”

While nuclear anxiety is an indispensable theme of the album, it’s never a suffocating one that makes it feel horribly antiquated to modern ears. It’s a very aestheticized rumination on nuclear themes, that never jumps up and hollers, “bombs are bad!” Take, for example, the track “Radiance,” probably the best-known track on New Mexico...to the extent that any of them are that well-known. It’s one of the album’s most languorous, atmospheric moments, and paints a vividly desolate picture of ground zero after a detonation, with its fluttering, delicate, but ultimately frigid synth flourishes.

Music: “Radiance”

I think my favourite part of “Radiance” is actually its lyrical turn: an atomic blast isn’t like the radiance of a thousand suns, but rather, vice versa. The latter is the one that’s merely theoretical and dwells in the realm of poetic license, whereas the former is a historical fact that we all have to contend with. “Radiance” is quite solid, but in many ways it’s a pale imitation of the title track, a seven-minute sprawl that works exquisitely as a kind of musical landscape painting:

Music: “New Mexico”

Painfully evocative, with an eerie, almost yearning undercurrent, “New Mexico” is easily the track that feels the most grand and epic. I would really have loved for it to be given more of a place of honour in the tracklisting, possibly as the closing track, but it’s wedged somewhat awkwardly in the middle of the second side. I suppose we can’t expect quite as much from a gonzo underground mail-order cassette release, though. At any rate, while “Radiance” and “New Mexico” are absolutely about atom bombs, they remain very emotionally intimate--almost torturously so. A lot of the other tracks are less about the bomb itself, and more about the rise of “Big Science” in the Midcentury consciousness in the wake of the Second World War--chiefly, “Men In White Coats.”

Music: “Men In White Coats”

As in “The Devil’s Dancers,” Oppenheimer happily accepts the role of an evil or insidious narrator here, and sells us this megalomaniacal perspective with aplomb. A lot of early 80s synth, minimal wave and otherwise, is characterized by more deadpan vocalists, but I can’t stress enough how much Oppenheimer’s piercing lead vocals bring to this album. It’s perhaps the most critical on the tracks that delve into more traditionally emotional topics--chiefly, the standard romantic love numbers. Take, for instance, the harrowing, neurotic “Scorpions”:

Music: “Scorpions”

I’m certainly a fan of the title “New Mexico,” which just ties together all the right connotations. First and foremost, New Mexico is a place--a place you can visit. And this is one of those albums that really wants to ground you in a narrow and specific sense of place, a sonic landscape. New Mexico is mostly empty desert, large tracts of which have been government land even before it started being used more intensively for military research in the 20th Century...most famously, of course, on nuclear weapons. I like to think that the name also suggests novelty and recency of place. We are, after all, entering a “new” world, defined by the advances of science, and the upending of earlier ideas about the world.

The representation of the album art for New Mexico that I’ve been showing you is actually the imagery of the 2010 reissue of the album, which I’ve chosen because I think it’s a bit better known, and I simply prefer it, personally. The most striking thing about it is this colour--a ghostly green, that instantly evokes the common imagery of atomic phenomena. Radiation doesn’t really glow green, of course, but, like everything else about the album, it’s clear that this choice is meant to be a reflection upon the greater cultural imaginings and social impact of the Atomic Age, so I think it’s a perfect fit. At the center of the composition, we see a figure, head bowed and face shaded to provide some sense of anonymity, reaching a hand towards the side of his face in a gesture that’s almost reminiscent of using a cell phone at first glance. What exactly he’s up to is as unclear as his identity. Between the modernist styling of the architecture to his left, and his antiquated attire, the image is quite suggestive of a Midcentury setting. But the real narrative angle here comes from the right side--several figures are approaching that central character, possibly in hostile pursuit. Espionage gone wrong? A desperate attempt to silence a whistle-blower? Much like the music, there’s an ambiguous, mysterious, but also menacing ambiance to this cover.

For historicity’s sake, I’ll also discuss the original cover of the homemade cassettes of New Mexico. As we might expect from the nature of this release, it’s a fairly simple graphic, featuring a nude woman whose full-figured body type, popular on pin-up models, and short hairstyle convey that Midcentury aesthetic almost as well as her clothed counterpart on the reissue. Our eyes are naturally drawn to her exposed breasts, where they meet a pair of radiation warning signs censoring her nipples. A simple image, but a deeply perverse or twisted one. Is it a kind of union between the vulgar, crass profanity of pornography, and the depravity of atomic weapons? Is it a visual representation of the way Oppenheimer Analysis have beautified the nuclear landscape, conflating man’s inhumanity to man with something voluptuous or pleasurable? This cover is at least as complex a symbol for the album as the reissue one is. And while it’s easy to dismiss it as lowbrow, I think it’s worth noting how the salacious or saucy aspect of it would have helped it fit in with other underground cassettes of its era, many of which had lurid or provocative imagery.

Of course, this discussion of the differing incarnations of the album is a natural segue to addressing the release history of New Mexico. The story of Oppenheimer Analysis is deeply entwined with that of New York-based Minimal Wave Records, founded in 2005 by Veronica Vasicka, a radio DJ fascinated by underground electronic music. The label specializes in making obscure, self-published works like New Mexico widely available in digital form, so that more music enthusiasts can get a chance to hear them. Without her, I myself might never have heard this album, and certainly wouldn’t be in a position to make a review like this! Vasicka felt strongly about the artistry of Oppenheimer Analysis, and gave the honour of her label’s first-ever release, “MW001,” to a self-titled EP compiling several of the tracks from New Mexico. Later, in 2010, when she was able to rerelease New Mexico in its entirety, she gave it the honourary designation of “MW001D.”

Vasicka is the one responsible for coining the term “minimal wave” to describe the subgenre she was interested in, and, fifteen years later, I think it’s safe to say it’s had some staying power. While it may be a bit vague and subject to individual interpretation, that’s a problem all genre labels contend with, and I think fans of minimal wave ought to be proud that this term was at least coined by a passionate and dedicated fan, who made her favourite music more accessible to everyone, as a labour of love. It’s also not the only genre term to come about much, much later than the music it seeks to describe. At any rate, New Mexico will always have a place in the minimal wave hall of fame, and it’s a genre-defining work, if in hindsight. The stylistic hallmarks of New Mexico are, for better or for worse, now also those of a whole movement: harsh, tinny rhythm machines, strident synth lines, anxious, unmannered vocals, and technological themes.

But what actually happened to Andy Oppenheimer and Martin Lloyd? In light of the renewed interest in their work in the 00s, they actually got back together for a bit, releasing some archival material from the 1980s and laying down a handful of new tracks, very similar in style to those on New Mexico. Lloyd passed away suddenly in 2013, but Oppenheimer has remained interested in keeping their ideas alive. He’s been performing live as well as putting out new music, first as “Touching the Void,” alongside Mark Warner of Sudeten Creche, and more recently as “Oppenheimer Mk II,” with Mahk Rumbae of Konstruktivists.

Music: “You Won’t Disarm Me”

Something that I think really stands out about New Mexico, especially when compared to a lot of other small-time minimal wave releases, is that it’s a very consistent quality throughout. As you might expect with an underground genre, a lot of the music to choose from is varying degrees of amateurish and clunky, and it’s arguably better to listen to Minimal Wave compilations than the LPs that exist. New Mexico is an exception, though, and doesn’t have any particularly weak tracks. The favourite tracks cited by fans of the album tend to vary pretty widely. My top pick, though, is the album’s opener, “Don’t Be Seen With Me.” It’s a perfect marriage of dizzying, spiraling synth runs, and one of Oppenheimer’s most frenetic vocal performances, that creates a masterful portrayal of being swept up in infatuation with somebody you really shouldn’t be fooling with. That’s all I’ve got--thanks for listening!

Music: “Don’t Be Seen With Me”

[un0vian]

Hear me out, SSS Miraculous Ladybug AU?

oh man you guys have no idea how much I’ve thought about an au like this before

The anon is new, but this has been in the inbox for a while, I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long! Also this kind of takes a general understanding of the show to make any sense!

This is just a HUGE bundle of ideas lmao I’m sorry it’s so disorganized. I’ll put some of the doodles up here and put in a read more for all of my bullet points (I wrote almost 2K words for this hhhh)

No Pokémon in this AU, and I’m not clever enough to shape the Miraculous after any of them lol.

I think Lance being the Guardian of the Miraculous fits the most.

Lyra becomes the Ladybug Miraculous holder the same way Marinette does, by showing and acting upon her compassion towards someone in need (not the same exact way, considering Lance isn’t nearly as old as Master Fu; she probably saves an old man and Lance notices).

In this AU’s origins I think it would make sense that Giovanni and Silver just moved to Goldenrod from Kanto. Giovanni (obviously) was a part of the crime-world, but found out about the Miraculous and their power, got ahold of the Cat and Butterfly Miraculous, learned of the Ladybug Miraculous’ general location, then decided moving was a good idea. They move into a place like the Agreste mansion (Silver thinks the move is just random btw).

I would say Giovanni holds Silver to high standards like Gabriel does for Adrien. Giovanni has Silver play the Violin and Cello (READ FVAWA!!!), and was probably homeschooled in Kanto. I’ll also say he probably has basic self defense training.

To blend in, Silver becomes enrolled at the same school that Lyra, Kris, and Ethan attend.

Lyra, Kris, and Ethan always try to yoink the back two tables, and every new seating chart the three play Rock Paper Scissors, loser sits alone. Lyra loses and ends up at the table next to the other two with an empty seat.

Their teacher, Professor Elm (I mean, who else would it be?? There’s Oak ofc but eh), introduces Silver to the class and has him sit with Lyra. 

It’s obvious to Lyra that Silver is more socially reserved, but she introduces herself anyway.

Lyra moved from New Bark Town to Goldenrod City early in her childhood (Her and Ethan were childhood friends, Ethan moved to Goldenrod a little before Silver. Kris grew up in Goldenrod). I think it would be cool to keep the Bakery; Lyra’s mom would work there with Lyra helping out a lot.

I’m thinking Lyra could possibly be a model like Adrien, but wayyy on the DL in comparison. She has the right temperament for being in the spotlight (aka not being a flustered mess all the time), hence why she’s so well suited for the Miraculous.

Her passion is writing! Writing poems, speeches, music, all of it. And she enjoys public speaking. She’ll pull out a notebook (or just type on her phone like a sane person) whenever she gets a new idea.

Lyra sings and plays the synth. She plays songs she writes sometimes!

Tikki helps Lyra a lot with her worries about being a Superhero, and is great at giving suggestions and ideas of what Lyra should write if she has a block. Basically usual Tikki being great.

When the first Akuma appeared, Lyra found her Miraculous the same way Marinette did. The difference is when Tikki appeared she was less fearful, and learned about de-evilizing Akumas from the start.

When Ladybug showsed up to stop the Akuma there was no other support. She was able to defeat the Akuma, but damn, what a workout.

Hear me out here, what if there wasn’t an umbrella scene? I’d rather have their feelings for each other grow over time as Silver begins to doubt his father’s reasons for needing the Ladybug Miraculous and reflects on his actions. Besides, Lyra having feelings for Silver in the beginning would be kinda cringe 😬 (@Marinette in the PV smh)

The first Akuma was Giovanni’s way of testing the waters, and confirms that the Ladybug Miraculous is in Goldenrod. The night afterwards he approaches Silver with the Cat Miraculous. Giovanni explains that he needs the Ladybug Miraculous along with the Cat Miraculous to bring Silver’s mother back (which is total bullshit, all he wants is power), and offers him the Miraculous.

And about Silver’s mother; I know there’s a theory about Ariana being his mom, but in this AU (and in general, really) I HC his mother being kindhearted and not part of the mob ahah. (Also same sitch as Adrien’s mom in this AU)

Silver is apprehensive towards the “offer”, but can he really say no? And he does want to see his mom again. So he accepts. Giovanni barely hides the vile smirk on his face and throws in a “I’m proud of you, son” for good measure :/

From then on, Cat Noir shows up to battle Ladybug after an Akuma is de-evilized.

Plagg is somewhere between neutral and good. He’ll (not-so) subtly suggest that Silver should join Ladybug, and point out how much of a dick Giovanni is… but he won’t actively try to stop him because he can’t really do anything about it anyways. Plagg supposes he’ll just have to be patient. And he teases Silver about anything and everything, and his reactions are priceless.

Already having no partner to rely on during Akuma battles, Ladybug is most definitely tired out and has far too many close calls in her battles with Cat Noir. Lyra vents about this to Tikki, and worries about being unable to contact the guardian and request more help.

Lance realizes his mistake after a particularly nasty fight when a stroke of luck saves Ladybug from de-transforming. He introduces himself right after that fight, and apologizes for his oversight.

At this moment I don’t know if it would make more sense to introduce only one more Miraculous holder or two, and if they should be permanent or temporary. I’ll put down my bare-bones ideas for the Miraculous holders anyways.

Ethan - Fox Miraculous, Kris - Turtle Miraculous. I see Kris suiting the Turtle Miraculous because she waits for the right moment instead of jumping right in. I see her as being a great protector compared to Ethan.

Sheesh this is already super long any I haven’t really gotten to the SSS portion 

Slow burn like the show, but in this case neither has a crush for a whiiiile. That part is quite different from the show, but the context is not the same.

Eventually there’s a semblance of a friendship between Lyra and Silver. They got close through sitting at the same table in class and working on different projects together. They also find they both share a love of music.

Anyways, Lyra gets really excited about their friendship and prattles on about it to Tikki.

“Wow, it almost sounds like you like him!”

“Whaaaaat? No!!! He’s just a friend, Tikki!” (Nice Adrien impression, Lyra 😃)

Along the way Silver begins questioning Giovanni’s reasons more and more, but it’s difficult for him to decide whether to keep fighting Ladybug or not because of all the things that could happen. 

Eventually Plagg sits him down and is like:

“You don’t want to fight Ladybug.”

“Right.”

“You have a friend (Lyra) who has made it clear to you that you are welcome in their home, so you would have somewhere to stay if Gio-bitch kicks you out.”

“Right.”

“Ladybug may not trust you at first, but if you explain yourself she may begin to understand, and the act of switching sides paves the path to redemption.”

“Right.”

“So SWITCH SIDES.”

“OH. OKAY.”

Then there’s the ol’ switcheroo. During the worst Akuma yet (with Kris and Ethan helping as heroes), Cat Noir is able to get close to the Akuma and Cataclysms the Akumatized object. He flees immediately, thinking it better to show loyalty in small increments pffff

It’s a HUGE shocker to Giovanni. And Ladybug for that matter. Silver already packed a bag and had his violin ready to go, he grabs his things and doesn’t bother staying. He’s a little pissed Giovanni didn’t even try to stop him.

At this point Lyra and Silver like each other, but neither know how the other feels. Silver feels SO awkward about showing up at the Bakery with his stuff and almost turns around when Lyra’s mom (who had a bad vibe about Giovanni in the first place) spots him.

“Do you need a place to stay?”

“...No.”

“You’re lying. Tell me what happened.”

Silver reluctantly explains that he couldn’t stand staying there anymore, and that he had had enough of his father’s shit. So he left.

Lyra’s mom is a bit iffy on letting him stay. Without enough context it seems like Silver is just angry with Giovanni. Silver can tell she doesn’t understand and tries to explain the situation more.

“I… betrayed him. In a way. I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me around for a while.” “I understand. Feel free to stay the night, but you should talk to your father about whatever’s going on tomorrow. If he doesn’t let you back in you’re welcome to stay.”

Lyra shows up moments after, very confused. Her mom explains the gist to her and leaves them alone to talk.

Tikki overhears Silver explain the situation with a bit more detail and becomes suspicious. If Giovanni was Hawkmoth and Silver was Cat Noir, this situation would make a lot of sense. And Silver has the same hair color as Cat Noir (Lyra is obviously none the wiser because Adrien and Marinette be like that). Tikki doesn’t draw solid conclusions (it’s very easily just a coincidence) but she takes a mental note.

I think that’s where I’ll leave it. I’m already delving into so much plot skdjfbfb Anyways here’s a bunch of bonus drawings for sticking til the end!

[wild-aloof-rebel]

If Patrick had made David a mixtape when they first started dating, what songs would he put on it?

The store is closed on Tuesdays, but there’s still plenty of work to be done, and so Patrick pulls up outside the motel at precisely 10 am, fingers already unlocking his phone to send David a text. But his boyfriend is already spilling out the door, surprisingly put-together despite the early-for-David hour. They don’t always do vendor runs together, but when they’re bringing new products into the fold or old Mr. Harrison wants to hear how his pencils are selling or there’s anything else where David feels like he needs the quantifiable kind of backup Patrick can provide, they go together, and this is the first time they’ve done that since they started dating.

Dating. Boyfriends. Having a name for this is still pretty new. But the feelings twisting through Patrick’s veins are not. This isn’t just some casual thing for him. 

They haven’t talked about it in much detail, but he gets the impression that David’s had a lot of casual things in the past and more than a few miscommunications about them, too. Patrick doesn’t want that for them. He wants David to know just how happy he is to be doing this with him--dating, running the store, all of it. He wants him to know that he’s in this completely. If this were 1955 and they were in high school, he’d give David his varsity baseball jacket and his class ring and ask him to go steady, but it isn’t and they’re not, so he has to find another way to tell David what he wants to say. 

Which is why when David climbs into the passenger seat, he has to pick up a cd case lying in the way before he sits down.

“What’s this?” he asks, dropping a quick kiss to Patrick’s cheek before going back to eyeing it like it’s the off-brand soap Roland “accidentally” left in their store last week in place of one of Brenda’s. The lime green jewel case is clear on the front, so David can obviously see where Patrick has written the words I Really Like You: a mixtape for David Rose, carefully curated by Patrick Brewer in bold black sharpie on the front of the disc.

“Just some driving music,” Patrick replies anyway, pink but pleased when David carefully lifts the disc from the case and pops it into his cd player. Eighties pop synth immediately fills the car, and David hits the eject button before Patrick can even start to laugh. “Oh, come on, you don’t like Rick Astley?”

“Did you burn a cd just to rickroll me?”

“It’s a sweet song if you actually listen to the words!” The argument would be more effective if he could make it without snickering, but the look of absolute affront on David’s face is just too good. “Okay,” he says between his teeth as he tries to bite down his enjoyment. “Sorry, I just couldn’t resist. But there are actually other songs on there.”

David gives him a skeptical side eye but does at least reluctantly push the disc back into the player. He hits the skip track button to be met with a breezy guitar instead and rears back in horror. “Absolutely not.”

Patrick loses it again, which is a problem since he’s the one driving, but he can’t help it. David’s distaste is hilariously palpable, and it’s everything he had hoped for when he’d put together the track list. 

“But, David, your body is a wonderland.”

A quick look across the car shows David’s emotions warring on his face. At a guess, Patrick would say part of him wants to savor the sincerity with which he’d imbued the statement, while the other half is calculating how much damage his sweater will sustain if he jumps out of a moving vehicle. Eventually he settles somewhere in between, declaring, “I draw the line at John Mayer. I’d say ‘at anyone in the music industry my sister has slept with,’ but I don’t think there’d be enough artists left to fill a whole cd.”

He hits skip once more, hesitating with his finger over the button this time, ready to press it again if needed, but this track doesn’t seem to be one he recognizes. Over the soft strum of a guitar comes a mellow voice.

We are on our way It might be a hard way But as long as I'm with you...

David’s hand retreats to his lap, and Patrick realizes that he’s really listening now, taking in the words and the intent with which Patrick had chosen this song. It’s what he’d wanted, why he’d stayed up late last night swapping tracks in and out until he’d crafted the perfect list, mixing “Let’s Get It On” and “I Touch Myself” and “Wonderwall” with songs like “I Like to Be With Me When I’m With You” and “Sweet Thing” and “I Really Like You.” He means every last one of them, even the cheesy, ridiculous, not-really-that-sexy ones like ”I’ll Make Love to You.” Even “Never Gonna Give You Up.” He’d put it all together because he wants David to know all the things he feels for him, all the ways he wants him, but it’s a little terrifying too. Because there’s a difference between planning something and actually doing it, between wanting to be seen and actually digging right down between your bones to let someone watch the bloodied beat of your heart.

At the end of a long, long day There is not much more to say

The chorus comes around for the last time, and Patrick takes a deep breath and finally risks a glance at David. But whatever worries he might have had about any of this, it all drifts away like leaves in an autumn breeze. David is looking back at him with the barest hint of a smile and the warmest, softest eyes Patrick’s ever seen, and if he hadn’t already known that he’s in love with David, he’s pretty sure this moment would do it. It’s far too soon for those words--the ones in these songs will have to do for now--so instead Patrick reaches across the center console and takes David’s hand in his, twisting their fingers together as he refocuses on the road ahead of them.

I’m so glad I met you

[lacquerware]

2020 Recap - My Year in Gaming

2020. What a year for video games. I had big plans for last year, but in the end I did very little besides play video games, and I don’t think I’m alone there since we were all stuck at home looking for a way out of reality. I wanted to do a year-end recap as I’ve done sporadically in past years, but this one will be different than the typical “Games of the Year” format because despite all the games I played in 2020, almost none of them came out in 2020, and some of the things that defined my year in gaming weren't even games. 

Resident Evil 3 Remake (PS4)

RE3 was one of the only games I played in 2020 that didn’t coincide with the deadly pandemic's spread across the US. RE3 is, of course, a game about the spread of a deadly virus in Anytown, USA. It was an appetizer, I guess. 

When the Resident Evil 2 remake dropped in 2019, there were some things I loved about it, and a few things that felt like steps back from the original. I feel much the same about RE3. I had also theorized that a Resident Evil 3 remake would be better off as RE2 DLC than as a separate full-length game, and considering how short RE3 turned out, with some of the best sections of hte original cut entirely (namely, the clock tower), I stand by my theory. 

Oh well, at least Jill gets this rad gun, which for the time being is the closest thing to a new Lost Planet we can hope for anytime soon.

Sekiro (PS4)

Sekiro is the first video game I ever Platinumed. This is partly because conquering the base game was such a spartan exercise that going the extra mile to get the Platinum didn’t seem so bad, but it’s also surely a result of the pandemic. I needed a project and a big win. Who didn't? 

I wrote at length about why I like Sekiro more than every other modern FromSoft game, and also about the game’s cherry-on-top moment that reminded me of blowing up Hitler’s face in Bionic Commando. Please read them!

Death Stranding (PS4)

Release date notwithstanding, this was obviously the Game of 2020. I wrote about it here, here, and here. This game bears the distinction of being the second one I ever Platinumed. It took 150 hours. Only then did I learn I had a hoverboard.

Streets of Rage 4 (PS4)

This is the only 2020 game I played for more than a few hours. In fact, I cleared the entire game at least five times. I still don’t think it captures the gritty aesthetic of the prior Streets of Rages (nor even tries to), but this is probably the best-feeling bup I've played. Huge bonus points for finally bringing back Adam, but in the end I found it hard not to pick Blaze every time.

Blaster Master Zero 2 (Switch)

What impressed me about this sequel from Inti Creates was that it wasn’t just more of the same, even though that would've been fine. BMZ2 builds on its already excellent predecessor with a catchy new format where players can freely cruise the cosmos and stages take the varied form of planets—some big and sprawling, others short and sweet. Hopping at will from planet to planet without ever knowing what experiences and treasure each one held felt like system jumping in No Man’s Sky and island hopping in The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, both of which felt like opening presents.

Dragon Force (Saturn)

Charming, satisfying, and addictive as a bag of chips. Unlike a bag of chips, when it’s over, you can do it all again. And again. And it’ll be different each time! This might be the first strategy game I've truly loved. Better late than never.

The PC Engine Mini

The PC Engine/TurboGrafx-16 Mini seems a particularly justifiable mini-console for people outside Japan because so many missed these consoles entirely, the games are hard to obtain, and the lineup includes titles spanning the entire convoluted Turbo/PC Engine ecosystem—the TurboGrafx-CD/CD-ROM², Super CD-ROM², Arcade CD-ROM² and SuperGrafx, in addition to plain, old standard HuCard games. I myself didn’t know the first thing about these systems before. It’s like reliving the nineties again for the first time. 

Most of the titles included are simple action games that don't require a command of Japanese, but make no mistake: being able to understand Snatcher and TokiMemo does make me feel like an elite special person worth more than many of you. 

(Side note: From a gender representation perspective, the difference between Snatcher and Death Stranding is stark. Virtually every interaction with every woman or girl in Snatcher is decorated with ways to sexually harass her. Guess someone finally had a conversation with our favorite auteur.)

A Gaming PC

I’d threatened to transition to PC gaming for years after beholding the framerate difference between the console and PC versions of DmC in 2012, and last July I finally took the leap, buying an ASUS “Republic of Gamers” (ugh) laptop with an NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2070 Max-Q GPU. It seems like consoles are getting more PC-like all the time, especially with all these half-step iterations that splinter performance and sometimes even the feature set (à la the New 3DS and Switch Lite), so with the impending new generation seemed like a fine time to change course.

In the half-year since, I’ve barely played a single PC game more recent than 2013, but just replaying PS3-era games at high settings has been like rediscovering them for the first time. 

I also finally experienced keyboard-and-mouse shooting and understand now why PC gamers think they're better than everyone else. Max Payne is a completely different game with a mouse. Are all shooters like this??

The USPS

Early in the year, I rediscovered my childhood game shop, Starland, which is now  an online hub known as eStarland.com with a brick-and-mortar showroom. To my delight, it has become one of the best and most modestly priced sources for import Saturn games in the country, and I scored Shining Force III’s second and third episodes, long missing from my collection, for a mere ten bucks each!  

In June, I treated myself to a trio of Saturn imports from eStarland: the tactics-meets-dating-sim mashup Sakura Taisen 2, the nicely presented RTS space opera Quo Vadis 2, and beloved gothic dungeon crawler Baroque. Miraculously, this haul amounted to just around thirty dollars total. Less miraculously, they never arrived. This was the second time I’d had something lost in the mail in my entire life, and also the second time that month. Something was wrong with the USPS, and it wasn’t just COVID pains. We would soon learn Trump had been actively working to sabotage one of the nation’s oldest and most reliable institutions in a plot to compromise the upcoming presidential election.

Frankly it’s a miracle there’s still such a thing as “delivery” at all, and a few missing video games is the last of my worries considering what caused it, but nevertheless this was an experience in my gaming life that could not have happened any other year. I won’t forget it.

*By the way, USPS reimbursed me for the insured value of the missing order, which was fifty bucks. So I actually profited a little off the experience.

Mega Everdrive Pro

I love collecting for the Genesis and Mega Drive, but I will not pay hundreds of dollars for a video game that retailed for about sixty.  The publishers never asked for that, and the developers won’t see a (ragna)cent of the money. I'm also far less inclined to start collecting for Sega CD, since the hardware is notoriously breakable, the cases are huge and also breakable, and the library just isn't that good. 

Still, I'd been increasingly curious about the add-on as an interesting piece of Sega history, so when I learned Ukranian mad scientist KRIKzz had released a new Mega Everdrive that doubled as a Sega CD FPGA, I finally took the plunge into the world of flash carts. This has proven a great way to play some of the Mega Drive’s big-ticket rarities I will never buy—namely shmups like Advanced Busterhawk Gley Lancer and Eliminate Down—as well as try out prospective additions to the collection. I never would have discovered the phenomenal marvel of engineering and synth composition that is Star Cruiser without this thing, but now that I have, it’s high on the shopping list.

The Mega Everdrive Pro is functionally nearly identical to TerraOnion’s “Mega SD” cartridge, but slightly less expensive, comes in a “normal” cartridge shell instead of the larger Virtua Racing-style one, and supports a single hardworking dude in Ukraine rather than a company with reportedly iffy customer service.

Twitch

Getting a PC also resolved issues that had long prevented me from achieving a real streaming setup, and much of my gaming life in 2020 was about ramping up my streaming efforts. I even made Affiliate in about a month. Streaming has been a great creative outlet and distraction, as well as a way to connect with other people during the COVID depression and structure my gaming time. Find me every Monday through Thursday 8-11pm Eastern at twitch.tv/lacquerware.  

Metroid: Other M (Dolphin)

PC ownership also gave me access to the versatile Dolphin emulator, liberating a handful of great Wii exclusives from their disposable battery-powered prison. 

One of the Wii games I fired up on Dolphin was Metroid: Other M, a game I’d always wanted to try but had been dissuaded by years of bad publicity and the fact that I never had any goddamn batteries. I know I should temper what I’m about to say by acknowledging that I was playing at 1080p/60fps on a PS4 controller so my experience was automatically a vast improvement over that of all Wii players, but I’m increasingly confident Metroid: Other M was the most fun I’ve ever had playing a Metroid game. I haven’t decided yet if I’m willing to die on this hill, but I will just say that if you like the Metroidvania genre in general and aren’t particularly attached to the Metroid series’ story or its habit of making you wander aimlessly for hours, there’s a very high chance you will enjoy Other M—especially if you play it on Dolphin.

Don't Starve Together (PC)

Don't Starve is the only game my friend Jason plays, so last year I tried to get into it with him. I respect this game's singular devotion to the concept of survival, but make no mistake: every session of Don't Starve ends with you starving to death. Or freezing. Or getting stomped by a giant deity of the forest. The entire game is staving off death until it inevitably comes. Even when death comes, you can revive infinitely (in whatever mode we were playing), which means even death is not an end goal. There is no end goal. You don't even have the leeway to "play" and create your own meaning as you do in similarly zen  games like Dead Rising. 

Don't Starve is a game for people for whom hard work is the ultimate reward in and of itself. Don't Starve told me something about Jason. 

G-Darius (PS1)

In the early fall, Sony announced they were dropping PS3, PSP, and Vita support from the browser and mobile versions of their PSN Store, and since the PS3 version of the store app runs like a solar-powered parking meter in Seattle, I decided this was my last chance to stock up on Japanese PSN gems. 

Among my final haul, the PS1 port of G-Darius proved an instant favorite. Take down the usual cast of mechanized fish in a vibrant, chunky, low-poly style that perfectly inhabits the constraints of the original PlayStation hardware. I believe this is the first Darius game that lets you get into giant beam duels with the bosses, which is quite definitely one of the coolest things a video game has ever let you do. The PS1 port is also surprisingly feature-rich, including some easier difficulty levels that present an actually surmountable challenge for non-savants.

This one’s coming to the upcoming Darius Cozmic Revelation collection on Switch alongside DARIUSBURST, a good-ass romp in its own right.

Red Entertainment

In my effort to shine a tiny spotlight on some of the unsung Interesting Games of gaming, I found myself drawn again and again to the work of Red Entertainment. First there were cavechild headbutt simulator Bonk’s Adventure and twin shmups Gates of Thunder and Lords of Thunder on the PC Engine Mini. Then I streamed full playthroughs of the PS2’s best samurai-era, off-brand 3D Castlevania, Blood Will Tell and the Trigun-adjacent stand-‘n-gun, Gungrave: Overdose. Then I was dazzled by Bonk’s Adventure’s futuristic spin-off cute-‘em-up, Air Zonk, which was also sneakily tucked away on my PC Engine Mini in the “TurboGrafx-16” section. It turned out all these games were made by the same miracle developer responsible for Bujingai, the stylish PS2 wushu game starring Gackt and a household name here at the Lacquerware estate. How prolific can one team be???

Month of Cyberpunk

In November, I started toying with the idea of themed months on my Twitch channel with “Cyberpunk month.” It was supposed to be a build-up to Cyberpunk 2077’s highly anticipated November release, but holy shit that didn’t happen, did it? Still, I always find myself gravitating toward this genre in November, I guess because I associate November with gloom (even though this year it was sunny almost every day). A month is a long time to adhere to a single theme, but cyberpunk is such a well-served niche in gaming that I could easily start an all-cyberpunk Twitch channel. The fact that we’re so spoiled with choice makes Cyberpunk 2077’s terrible launch all the more embarrassing. Here are just some of the games I played (and streamed!) in November:

Ghostrunner Shadowrun (Genesis) RUINER Remember Me Transistor Rise of the Dragon (Sega CD) Shadowrun (Mega CD) Cyber Doll (Saturn) Binary Domain Shadowrun Returns Blade Runner (PC) Deus Ex: Human Revolution Deus Ex: Mankind Divided Observer

Shadowrun on the Genesis gets my top pick, but the two most recent Deus Ex games are great alternatives for those looking for something in the vein of 2077 that isn’t infested with termites.

Lost Planet 2

Every year. I played through it twice in 2020.

Dead Rising 4

I slept on this one too long. While it's a far cry from the original game, it's easily the most fun I've had with a Christmas game since Christmas NiGHTS. This is the game a lot of people thought they were getting when they bought the original Dead Rising with their new Xbox 360--goofy, indulgent, and pressure-free.

Devil May Cry 5: Vergil (PS4)

Vergil dropped for last-gen consoles in December and breathed a whole lot of life into a game that was already at the head of its class.

Nioh 2

I’ve only played a few hours of Nioh 2 because I promised my friend I’d co-op it with him and wouldn’t play ahead. But he’s a grad student with two small children. Nevertheless, Nioh 2 is my Game of 2020.

And that's it! Guess I'll spend 2021 playing games that came out last year, and maybe eventually getting vaccinated? Please? 

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► run away.

date(s): december 2020 mentions of: n/a word count: +/- 1.7k words (+/- 1k words w/ lyrics on songwriting, +/- 700 words on the composition) warnings: mentions of anxiety and general mental health problems details: full lyrics and full composition verification for run away, 2/3 verifications for jaewon’s upcoming album escapism. jaewon tries to prove he’s capable of writing music that’s worthy of the titletrack status and in doing so tries to branch out from what he’s used to, blending together what he knows works for him uncharted territory. all in all, things could have gone worse (a/n: i don’t know shit about composing pls take all of this with a grain of salt.)

by default, park jaewon is a creature of habit, prefers to find one set way to do things that works for him and deviate as little as possible from that. he likes certainty and avoiding unnecessary risk, anything to leave as little room for error as possible. making mistake might be a learning experience but not with how dead terrified jaewon is of doing things wrong, how he doesn’t know how to face failure without it determining his entire sense of selfworth. 

songwriting is no different from that. most of the time jaewon writes, it’s structurally planned, deadlines and expectations to be met firmly in place, his work method like clockwork, almost mechanical. it doesn’t sound very profound, it definitely doesn’t suit the mental image most people have of the turbulent, disordered creative process of a real artist. not like jaewon can bring himself to care about whether or not his songwriting methods are deemed deep or profound enough in the eyes of other people, he had better things to care about.

like the album dimensions wanted him to write on short notice.

not that jaewon is complaining, everything but, getting his creative freedom back, it has been a long grueling process to get to this point but he is on a bit of a time crunch here. ‘our songs’ has only ended a mere couple of days ago but with a tentative release date of late winter to early spring, jaewon has his work cut out for him.

in such a time crunch, it makes sense to stick to his usual routine, go with what he is used to.

except jaewon doesn’t.

maybe ‘our songs’ has him feeling experimental for once, maybe he doesn’t want to risk falling victim to not only old habits but also old pitfalls, he’s not really sure what it is but for once, he starts with the lyrics.

that shouldn’t be very remarkable, not for most artists, but jaewon has already religiously stuck to his order of first creating an instrumental and then fitting his lyrical content to it rather than the other way around, starting from zero on that is quite the step, for him at least.

this song, it’s supposed to be title track material, to set the tone for the entire album straight away. if he gets this right by both his own standards and dimensions’, he gets to more or less free range on crafting this album to his liking. and to jaewon, lyrical content has always outweighed sound, as nice as a good beat is, it’s the content of a song that he identifies with, that he feels proudest of.

so writing a song about a breakup doesn’t seem evident.

run away, back off from me run away, far away from me

because that’s what it seems to shape up to be at first glance when he starts writing, themes of heartache, putting distance between yourself and your lover because as much as it might hurt on short notice, it will be the better option long term. and maybe it’s about that too, life isn’t clear cut one thing or the other so why should music be.

but it isn’t primarily that. 

because the urge to run away isn’t an unfamiliar sensation to jaewon, it’s the thrum of anxiety under his skin, the voice in the back of his mind keeping him hyper aware of how awful of a person he is, how he fails those around him. 

at the end of the day, that’s what he wants to run away from most.

if there is anyone he wants to take as much distance from as possible, it’s himself.

go away so you get out of my sight let me forget everything from your name to your face so that when I’m looking for you while i’m drunk i can’t recognize you even when you are right up close i will give up while i am looking

so maybe it is a break-up song. it’s undoubtedly a break-up song. but not about breaking off from other people.

it’s cutting ties with his past self, who he has been, with the years bitterness that have culminated in hurtful habits and patterns. 

i will run away first along the torn shapes before sadness will take place and harden up i’ll run away

he’s not broken away from them completely yet. park jaewon would never have to gal to call himself a good person, it would be a bald-faced lie. but even he has to admit that there has been progress.

he might not be there yet but it’s something. that gets to be said as well right? it’s been a gruelling process so far, he gets to celebrate the small victories.

it reminds him of when he wrote ‘rebirth’ for his first album, almost two years ago at this point. back then, ‘rebirth’ had been a starting point, the turn around to doing better. sure, he wasn’t at the finish yet but he had moved forward, that was something.

something is good, a lot better than he has gotten a lot of previous years.

that in itself made it worthy of its own song really.

you’ve gone a long way into thin air the sun has gone down without looking back even once

finishing the first draft feels like a burden relieved, a weight taken off his shoulder as he has gained the perspective to reflect back on what has been.

his flaws are still plenty, he could never deny that. jaewon doubts he’ll ever grow out of all of them, some parts carved into his personality that he doubts he’ll ever be able to take them out. 

but for now he’s still moving forward, still growing and everyone past scar healed over is one, one step closer to finding some semblance of peace within himself, within his own person.

all he has to do is keep running.

---------------

with a rough draft of the lyrics done, he still needs an instrumental and for that, he trades the comfort of his home studio for one of the more richly equipped ones in the dimensions headquarters. it feels a bit silly to make a distinction but jaewon always prefered writing from home and composing from within the company building, both surroundings better tailored to a different part of the creative process. or well in his experience at least.

it takes some fumbling, the kind of awkward stumble that comes with deviating from old habits and making up a plan as one goes. matching melody to lyrics rather than words to melody are most definitely not the same thing but just reversed, jaewon quickly learns the hard way, especially not in a rap track where really, the flow can make or break the whole thing.

so it’s a bit of a struggle, the first few hours fiddling around with sounds and beats that ultimately lead to nothing, that turns out he doesn’t know how to mold to his lyrics in a way that leaves him satisfied.

but like with most things in life, there is a learning curve. with every bit he scraps, he comes closer to the sound he’s actually searching for. 

and jaewon makes a genuine effort to branch out, try something new for a change. much like his lyrics, his usual composing also falls victim to sticking too closely to what he’s familiar with, deep, muted sounds to convey the somber undertone of his lyrics, a slow drawl to instrumental, mainly focussing on drums and bass lines, moody and dark.

so this time, his instruments of choice are synths. different types of synths at different points, trying his best to branch out, create an instrumental that’s fun and surprisingly at all turns but in essence, when one dumbs it down, the main theme is truly just… synths.

that’s not a bad thing, it is breaching out of his comfort zone for sure. funnily enough, the more he works on it, the more the instrumental reminds him of something that could have been on his previous album. ironic, considering jaewon spent the better part of the year loathing ‘love language’ with every fiber of his being. 

looking back on it with a fresh perspective, jaewon has to admit that while he didn’t like the music for himself, far too flashy and corny. but in terms of playing around with the composition and production, whoever had worked on that album (jaewon doesn’t know, it sure wasn’t him) was a lot more creative than he was.

surely he can do something like that on his own devices as well right? surely he can branch out from his typical song structure and prove he’s grown as a composer.

the bounce of the synths and the bass has a cosmic feel to it, the flow of the song twisting at every turn where sections bleed into another with bells and trinkets attached to the transitions. 

for added effect, jaewon records the whistling curling around the edges of the verses that ties them to an end before shifting into the chorus himself, by the time he’s done putting them through editing it doesn’t sound all that human anymore, morphed into something more surreal sounding, blending into that not-quite terrestrial vibe that seems to arch over the song. 

the drop in the chorus is hardly creative, jaewon doubts a beat drop can still be at this point but it does add to the immersion of the song, like getting your head dunked in a bath of ice water, stripping down on the whimsical rhythm patterns laced through the verses and stripping down to raw desperation of the song, the harrowing undertone of running for your life.

he adds bits and pieces like that, layer by layer, until the song itself sounds just as meticulously thought out as the lyrics rather than just a bare structure built underneath them.

when he gives the draft a final reason before sending it off to the creative department, jaewon can’t help but think he never created something that sounds so complete before.

[radramblog]

A Thousand Suns- Linkin Park Pt. 3

We’ve arrived at Linkin Park’s fourth album, and my personal favourite: an opinion I’m not sure how to defend, but I will do my best. This was the first album released by the band after I became a fan, in 2010, and continued the experimental progression that started with Meteora and continued through Minutes to Midnight. While one could argue that Minutes had some of those original two albums’ sound in it (e.g. No More Sorrow), A Thousand Suns pretty clearly marks the band moving on from their roots entirely.

Let me be clear: there is nothing on A Thousand Suns that sounds anything like Hybrid Theory.

A Thousand Suns is also a concept album, about nuclear war. It’s not especially subtle, but reflects a more conscientious mindset that would lead to the Download to Donate fundraiser songs the band would put out in the early 2010s.

The first track on A Thousand Suns is called the Requiem, being a mostly instrumental, eerie electronic piece that introduces much of the tone of the album. The album has a lot of these interstitial pieces, which vary in quality pretty heavily. The only lyrics in The Requiem aside from some spooky ooooooooohs are the introduction to another thing this album does, which is slowly build up to the album’s climax, the Catalyst- in this case, the lyrics are directly lifted from said song. While I really like this idea, and the lyrics fit the tone of the instrumental, I’m not a huge fan of…whatever that effect is on the vocals. I’m not even sure who’s talking beneath that filter.

The Requiem directly builds and leads into the second track, the Radiance- also an interstitial, featuring the infamous J. Robert Oppenheimer quote over an intense electronic beat. I actually really like this more than the Requieum, partially because I really like the quote, and partially because the backing gives it this sense of urgency that works really well.

Our 3rd track is the first actual song, Burning in the Skies. It’s lead by a fairly calm piano riff and chilled guitars, with the electronics from the Radiance slowly fading out. Burning in the Skies lyrically and sonically is a song of regret and acceptance, one that would have sounded much angrier had the band released it 8 or so years earlier. It’s also about the immediate aftermath of the bombs falling, a little poetic in descriptions with Mike’s verses (sung, not rapped) from a survivor’s perspective and Chester’s chorus seeming to be from the perspective of humanity as a whole. It eventually builds to a pretty sick solo in the riff, but it’s faded out compared to the piano and percussion- like the drama of the moment is faded compared to the more human element of the track.

Burning in the Skies feels like a natural progression from Minutes to Midnight’s calmer tracks, being a more refined, more directed, and thereby superior equivalent to songs like Shadow of the Day and Valentine’s Day. An album later, they managed to get this sort of song right.

Thus follows our 4th track and 3rd interstitial, Empty Spaces. Explosions and crowd noises, serving as a precursor to Wretches and Kings- except that song is track number 10. If I have one big complaint about this album, it’s that there’s too many of these- since Empty Spaces is literally 18 seconds, though, it gets a pass.

Following this, we have When They Come For Me. A loose drum beat, a harsh electronic buzz, into a heavier, swingy percussion introduce the song, and I kinda adore that last bit. This off-kilter beat serves as an undercurrent to the absolute bars Mike gets to throw down on this track. The whole song is basically a snarl at the fans wanting the band to go back to their old style, explicitly referencing their own work in Hybrid Theory and quoting Points of Authority, as well as nods to many other rap tracks from other artists around that era that inspired their work at the time. It’s the most vulgar song by the band so far- despite their edge, they actually didn’t get an advisory sticker until Minutes to Midnight- directly telling their wayward fans to “stop talking, start trying to catch up motherfucker” (Mishearing this lyric into “try the ketchup motherfucker” was a pretty fun meme at the time). This used to be one of my less liked song on the album, but it has grown on me hard over time, especially as I realised the harsh words didn’t actually apply to me.

Robot Boy follows this anger with calm, being a largely piano-driven melody of consolation. The first half of the lyrics essentially describe someone apathetic due to trauma and depression, while the second half is reassurance and support, eventually ending with the vocals effectively fighting against the mood of the song, thrashing with ad-libbed noise to break free from the oppressive drums and synths. It’s not a song I have a huge amount to say about, but I’ve found it really resonates with me personally. I’ve found this song genuinely comforting in lower times and moods.

Our next interstitial, then, Jornada del Muerto. This is not fucking subtle. On a song called Day of the Dead, on an album about nuclear war, we have a song sung in Japanese. I fucking wonder. The lyrics, by the way, are translated as “Lift me up, let me go���- again taken from The Catalyst.

Waiting for the End I think has ended up my favourite track on the album. We’ve once again got Chester and Mike on the same song again, with Mike’s delivery like nothing else seen so far, almost reggae-esque. The lyrics are tackling moving on, beginning again, and whether that’s from a relationship, from death, or from the apocalypse is left pretty vague. The song is essentially a slow build until it’s climax, where we’ve got the verse and chorus interweaved together for a pretty excellent moment. There’s something a little depressing there- “all I want to do is trade this life for something new” is not words I want to hear out of Chester’s mouth right now- but the tone is more on the optimistic side of nihilism- picking up the pieces and starting over rather than wallowing in grief.

Blackout is next, and this track is a lot of fun. It’s essentially a role reversal for the band’s lead vocalists, with Chester aggressively spitting and Mike being the calming voice in the bridge. It’s another more electronic piece, supported by an almost military drum beat, leading to an almost oppressive atmosphere between Chester and the instrumentation. Lyrically, it feels the closest to anything on Hybrid Theory, being a direct rant at an unknown second person, before the bridge breaks it down completely with Hahn flexing his old tricks once again, twisting and chopping both lyrics and instruments into unrecognizable shapes before leaving as suddenly as he entered. The last minute and a half of the song are completely different- slowly building the instrumentation as Mike sings an almost comforting melody, leading into the two harmonizing for the song’s finale.

Number 10, Wretches and Kings, opens with the infamous Bodies upon Gears speech by Mario Savio. It has the harshest electronic noise so far, almost screeching underneath the back-and-forth of Chester and Mike being opposite sides of the titular conflict. Mike’s bars are the King, the higher up, the crushing authority, with Chester being the voice of rebellion, an effect on his voice making him sound like more than just himself, a slight reverb as he represents the oppressed masses. It’s harsh, it’s intense, and it’s a bit odd on this album- though political songs weren’t really the band’s wheelhouse at the time, Wretches and Kings both fits on the album thematically and is vague enough that they get away with it. It ends with the same Savio speech, with more of it this time, followed by Hanh fucking around with the instrumentation in a bit that frankly feels self-indulgent more than anything.

Wisdom, Justice, and Love is our 11th track, and second last interstitial. It’s a bit silly, being a Martin Luther King Jr speech about the Vietnam War steadily edited to make the man sound more and more robotic. This feels kinda pointless.

Iridescent, then. This is the third and last song by the band to be used in a Transformers movie, with them shifting to Imagine Dragons instead after this, the cowards. The song pretty explicitly references the effects of a nuclear weapon (“a burst of light that blinded every angel”), but that’s not the long and short of what it’s about- the song is more about hope, and resilience, in the face of adversity. “Let it go”, referring to the anger and desperation such situations lead people to (not the Sierra Madre :v ). Were it so easy.

The song, like many, builds to a climax, though said climax is almost glorious in this one, with disparate elements and the entire band singing along for a bit, making it the high point of the album emotionally. I do say this knowing what the final song is like, we’ll get to that.

The last interstitial. Fallout. It’s kind of like a reversed version of The Requiem and Wisdom, Justice and Love- rather than lyrics from The Catalyst introducing Burning in the Skies, it’s the other way around, and the vocals get steadily less robotic over time- rather, a second vocal track fades in overlaid on the original.

The Catalyst is the climax the whole album builds towards. I was obsessed with this shit as a kid. Contrasting Iridescent, this is the hopelessness, the fear, the stress brought upon by the end of the world. It’s the old world fading away, as humanity begs for forgiveness for the sins committed by its worst members.

This is supported, by the way, by this really fucking cool electronic line, that I like a lot, with entirely electronic instrumentation building and shifting chaotically before falling away for the bridge. The bridge peels everything back, leaving just the little electronic rift and throwing real instrumentation in for the last gasp of humanity. A piano line comes in for the desperate lyrics- Lift me up, let me go, begging for death or salvation, whichever comes soonest. It’s a desperate, chaotic low to the hopeful high of Iridescent, a contrast that I only really noticed when writing this post. Hey look, I found more things to like about this, go figure.

A Thousand Suns ends with The Messenger, an acoustic ballad contrasting intensely with the rest of the album. It’s explicitly written by Chester to his children, as a light at the end of the tunnel- it’s much like Fortress by Queens of the Stone Age in that sense. I suppose that’s a good thing, but frankly, I actually skip this song on most of my listens of the album. It’s just so unbelievably hammy and oversung that I can’t help it- you can hear his voice breaking as he goes. Recent events have made it more painful than ever to hear it, so forgive me if I pass.

 I’m not sure if I can really put my love for this album into words. It ended up defining a lot of my early teens, for better and for worse, I suppose- and considering this is before I “got into” music, that means a lot. But those are a lot of words, largely about me loving the album, so I hope you can understand now why it’s my favourite one.

Next up: either Living Things/Hunting Party or some side stuff, I haven’t made my mind up yet.

[kpoptimeout]

Top 10 Most Underrated K-pop Songs of 2020 (Idol Edition)

2020 was shit. But oh boy, at least the music was good.

And it took us a good while to decide on these lists.

Continuing with the K-Pop Timeout Tradition (see 2019 Ver) of listing the Top 10 Most Underrated K-Pop Songs because all the other sites are just bothered with the Top 10 that pretty much everyone will have heard of/have fan wars over, below are our top 10 picks of songs that did not rank high but deserves your attention!

Like last year we have a separate post for Top 10 underrated non-idol tracks in 2020 and a list for the Top 10 K-Dramas in 2020 in our opinion, which will drop in the coming days.

Some of the artists have escaped the list in recent years to stardom (like N.FLYING, SF9 and OH MY GIRL), so hopefully, it happens again!

This is in alphabetic order NOT in the order of awesomeness because all of them are awesome. Also, all MVs are linked in the song titles because Tumblr won’t let me share that many videos in one post.

APRIL “LALALILALA”

APRIL is a very well-rounded girl group but their talents have been squandered by DSP’s mismanagement in recent years. With DSP seeming to try again and with member Naeun’s meteoric rise thanks to acting in webdrama hit “A-TEEN” and the internationally loved K-Drama “Extraordinary You”, “LALALILALA” seemed like the song to finally give APRIL the awards they deserve. Except it did not, which is an absolute shame because “LALALILALA” is easily one of the strongest girl group tracks this year. The futuristic synths and snappy drum instrumental made for a delightful pop track and reminded us of DSP’s heydays of churning out similarly pristine and impactful tracks for KARA and Rainbow. If you were a fan of past DSP girl group bops like KARA’s “Pandora” and "STEP”, this is the song for you!

Cherry Bullet “Hands Up”

Whoever thought of putting “Beethoven” and “girl crush concept” together should get a raise at FNC Entertainment because it worked. Sampling Beethoven’s famous piece “Für Elise” in different parts of the instrumental using different instruments ranging from synths to different keyboards, the producer was able to provide rookie girl group Cherry Bullet with a hip-hop heavy girl crush banger that is catchy and fun. Also, it is clear the girls of Cherry Bullet really enjoy this song, exuding confidence and charm in the choreography and overall performance. After a few listens, you would be nodding to this addictive song and body rolling to the chorus. If you are a fan of girl crush songs, you have to listen to “Hands Up!”

Cignature “ASSA”

Honestly, we are annoyed with C9 Entertainment scrapping the highly talented girl group Good Day after merely one song and their relatively strong run on KBS’ “The UNIT” and re-debuting only some of the girls in Cignature under their sub-label J9. However, we cannot deny that “ASSA” is a powerful track. It is many things at the same time - it covered the quirky girl group demographic with the cute and somewhat bratty sounding introduction where the girls seem to be talking and singing at the same time, then a somewhat mature buildup came out of nowhere with a more raspy and charismatic delivery on the vocals front before an aggressively girl crush drop begins the chorus carried by the members feeling themselves (specifically their hair) with attitude. If you love the quirky sound of fromis_9 and Oh My Girl but also want some OG girl crush energy like 4MINUTE, “ASSA” is your song!

CSVC “No Mercy”

Okay, CSVC is not really an “idol” group in the traditional sense. A project group made up of 4 indie artists (CHEEZE's Dalchong, Stella Jang, Lovey and Park Moonchi), CSVC tries to recreate the 90s girl group sound of legends like S.E.S, Fink.L and Baby VOX and we are here for it. Not only do all four members have the pipes to carry the early K-Pop sound that has heavy RnB influences, they went all out in the song production with the retro reverbs littered throughout the track and new jack-swing inspired intro. The MV was also a love letter to 90s K-Pop girl groups with the intense use of flares, extreme use of lighting, the “futuristic” sets seemingly made of tin-foil and the members all donning all black or all white outfits. If you are a huge fan of 90s K-Pop, CSVC’s “No Mercy” is the song for you!

ELRIS “JACKPOT”

Honestly, we have no idea what the hell HUNUS Entertainment is doing with ELRIS but even with the mismanagement, they continuously give ELRIS great songs and “JACKPOT” is easily one of the best girl group songs of the year. It builds up from silky vocals to strong rap, which is followed by wonderful harmonisation before we dive into a two-part chorus which made use of the members’ strong vocals as well as gave us catchy moments to sing along to. The music video is also a delight, with the girls dancing on a stage built to look like a roulette. The addition of the 2 members also made ELRIS’ already powerful stages even more impactful. We have been hearing rumours of disbandment but we hope it is not true. If you want to listen to the definition of a well-rounded and fun K-pop girl group track, ELRIS’ “JACKPOT” is THAT SONG!

IMFACT “Lie”

IMFACT is truly a strong boy band with great vocals and strong song production skills of their own yet they CONTINUE to be SLEPT on. I mean being managed by Star Empire Entertainment does not help but it is ridiculous how little domestic and international support they have. They have a distinct sound which they continue in “Lie” - electropop infused with K-Pop song structures and a generous use of unique drums patterns. If you love electropop and K-Pop, it is time to stan IMFACT and check out this amazing song!

NATURE “Girls”

Maybe n.CH Entertainment go a boost in Mnet money after taking on the job to manage TOO after Mnet’s “To Be World Klass” show because their budget really went up and it shows in NATURE’s “Girls”. This song is truly a masterpiece. The chorus is like what you would expect of a club banger EDM track but the verses are made up of clean vocals exhibiting anguish and longing over a relatively simple beat and the bridge was orchestral instrumentals mixed with the drumming of a marching band and the loud chants of the girls. The music video is also simple yet haunting. If you like the darker tracks of 9MUSES and RAINBOW like “Sleepless Night” and “Black Swan” but also the electronic sound of Berry Good in “Don’t Believe” days, this is the song for you for you!

ONEWE “End of Spring”

We need more bands making it in mainstream K-Pop and ONEWE’s “End of Spring” gives us another reason why we think so. “End of Spring” is a breath of fresh air in this year of mainly 80s retro dance tracks and hip-hop heavy pop songs in the K-Pop world, as it instead went for a pop rock sound more reminiscent of American pop rock acts like Train in “50 Ways to Say Goodbye” and One Republic in “Counting Stars” but with a dose of the energy in a teen summer party. If you enjoy a fun pop rock song, ONEWE’s “End of Spring” is the song for you!

OnlyOneOf “dOra maar”

OnlyOneOf is a rookie group with a lot of potential given their heavily alternative RnB and overall escape room-esque sound. They had many great songs in 2020 with wonderful music videos but our favourite here at K-Pop Timeout has to be the MV-less “dOra maar”. This laid back and smooth song showcases each member’s unique vocals and sounds more like a top Korean RnB artist experimental collaboration than a K-Pop boy band song. Also, it is always fun to see K-Pop artists take inspiration from art and culture of different countries (the titular Dora Maar is a French photographer and the lover of Pablo Picasso). If you are mostly a Korean RnB fan, OnlyOneOf’s “dORa maar” might be your gateway drug into the idol scene!

Weki Meki “COOL”

Fantagio seems to be a bit unsure about which sound to give Weki Meki, as the group swings between aggressive and catchy girl crush songs to more generic cute summer songs like a pendulum. They should really consider keeping Weki Meki with the sound they found in “COOL” because the girls really carried this supermodel runway power walk song with poise and confidence. While we have seen boy bands dabble in the runway model sound such as IN2IT in “Snapshot”, SF9 in “Now or Never” and KNK in “Sunset”, we have actually rarely seen girl groups going for this expensive sound. Additionally, the music video for this song is powerful, with the scene of the girls facing each other and vogueing in a long dark room being highly memorable. If you love power girl crushes or any of these boy band songs we have mentioned above, you would really like this song!

Special Mentions of Underrated Debuts:

There were many strong debuts this year and I would like to mention 2 underrated rookie groups to look out for in 2021!

Male - E’LAST “Tears of Chaos”

While more and more male groups are debuting with either badass or cute images, E’LAST decided to enter the K-Pop world with a highly orchestral sound. And the boys have the talent and visuals to carry such a dramatic and theatrical concept. Their label E Entertainment, also seems to have every intent to do the most for these boys, as seen in the production quality of their MVs. With these boys already dropping new material right now, you all should keep an eye on them! 

FEMALE - woo!ah! “Bad Girl”

With many strong female group debuts this year, you may have missed woo!ah!, from the small label of NV Entertainment. This small company in fact is led by SM China’s former CEO and this person certainly has an eye for talent because woo!ah! is a very balanced 5 member girl group that has a lot of potential to make it big. In fact, the group is beginning to develop an international following, with “Bad Girl” reaching #1 in the Vietnam's biggest music platform, edging out both aespa’s “Black Mamba” and BLACKPINK’s “Lovesick Girls”. They have already followed up with B-Side track promotions so check out these underrated rookies!

[returnn-of-the-mac]

Thank you so much for the CFS reaction! I got one last ask before I quit bugging you (I'm greedy, I know). How bout companions in an Art vs Art situation, but it's synth, and human Sol? How would they identify the real Sole, and what do thet do with the synth? Thanks for all this, it means a lot to me! xx

You’re not bugging me in the slightest; I love writing reactions! I always get excited when i get a new request—the more, the merrier! Please enjoy!😊

oh yeah side note: i usually like to make “silent soles” so you can lut yourself in their shoes, but i kinda had to give Sole dialogue in this one.

FO4 Companions React: Real Sole vs Synth Sole

Sole and their companion were leaving Walden Pond when they noticed a person nearby. A person who looked identical to Sole. The pair approached the individual, and the two Soles began bickering about who the “real [name]” was:

Hancock

“I’m too sober to deal with this right now,” Hancock stated, “I’m just gonna hit some Daddy-O real quick

“Take your time,” Sole 1 stated.

“Don’t you dare, Hancock,” Sole 2 warned, “You know how you get with that Daddy-O shit.”

Hancock immediately took out his knife and stabbed Sole 1. He approached Sole 2, the real Sole.

“Can’t have two of you running around. I can barely manage one,” Hancock teased. “Imagine all the trouble two of you would cause…I’m glad you don’t have a twin!”

Piper:

“Oh jeez. Why do these kinda things always have to happen to us?” Piper complained. She thought for a moment and then had an idea. “Hey! The real [name] would know the special nickname I gave them. What is it?”

Sole 1 blinked. “Uh…buddy?”

Sole 2 smirked, “Blue. Because I lived in Vault 111.”

Piper beamed. “Ding ding! We have winner,” she exclaimed. She looked at synth Sole.

“So you’re the synth, huh? You got nowhere to go?” Piper thought for a moment. “I would let you crash at my place in Diamond City, but if word gets out that you’re a synth…I don’t even want to think about it.”

Sole 1 frowned.

“How about you come with us for now, okay? We’ll get you situated.” Piper promised.

Gage:

“Oh damn. Oh shit. I‘m no good at these find the difference games,” Gage panicked. He then had an idea. He quickly adjusted his fingers and threw his hands in the air.

“What’s going on?” Sole 1 asked.

Sole 2 did another hand motion and Gage smiled. He looked at the fake Sole.

“Gang signs, ya poser.” Gage explained just before gunning down Sole 1.

Gage then shifted his attention to Sole 2, “And ya said these signs were stupid. I sure showed ya, didn’t I?

Danse:

Danse looked back and forth between the two Soles. “I’ll return momentarily,” the Paladin began, “I’m going to find Cutler

and get his opinion. He has a good eye for these kinds of situations.”

“Should I wait here, or do you want me to come with you?” Sole 1 inquired.

“Isn’t Cutler…” Sole 2 hesitated, mindful of their companion’s PTSD, “…not…not alive right now?”

Danse whipped out his laser rifle and vaporized Sole 1. The real Sole smiled and approached the Paladin.

“I knew you would catch on, soldier.” Danse commented, “You’re much sharper than that synthetic vermin.”

Preston:

“This is tough…you both look the same,” Preston hesitated, “But I need to pick the right one. Marshal, can you help me out?”

“No problem Preston,” Sole 1 began, “I have been there for you and the Minutemen through thick and thin. Always fighting for the people. It would be a shame if you lost all of that by shooting me instead of that imposter over there.”

“Marshal?” Sole 2 asked, “Did I get a promotion?”

Preston immediately stared at Sole 1. “You’re the imposter,” Preston said, “Now what?”

He thought for a moment and then nodded. “Would you like to join the Minutemen?” He asked the synth. Sole 1 nodded. “Excellent. You can follow us back to Sanctuary Hills and we’ll get you acquainted with everyone over there.”

Nick:

“Alright, synth. Let’s see how sly you really are,” Nick challenged, “Give this old detective a run for his money.”

Nick approached the two Soles and scanned them. After about two minutes of careful examination, the detective walked up to the synth Sole.

“You’re the synth,” He stated plainly, “You have one of two options: live an honest life and don’t cause trouble for the sake of my friend here, or die right here, right now.”

Sole 1 shuttered, “The first option. I won’t cause any problems—I promise!”

Nick solemnly nodded, “Then you’re free to go.”

The panicked synth swiftly ran off into the distance.

Sole stared at Nick in disbelief and the detective chuckled.

“The Institute sure is good at making carbon copies of people‘s physical appearance. Fortunately, they haven’t quite nailed replicating idiosyncrasies yet,” Nick smirked, “I know you never take that wedding ring off. Your clone over there didn’t get the memo, apparently.”

Cait:

“God dammit, these synths are sneaky little rats, aren’t they?” Cait studied the two Soles and scratched her head, “I can’t deal with this shite right now. I’m goin to take a hit of psycho.”

“Wait, Cait! Hold on,” Sole 1 pleaded. “This doesn’t have to be hard. I swear, I’m the real [name]!”

“Why?” Sole cried in frustration, “We just busted our asses getting you cleaned up in Vault 95 and you’re just going to throw it all away?”

Cait took put her shot gun and shot Sole 2. She approached the real Sole, who now looked distraught. She looked at them sympathetically.

“I would never, darlin. It was just a test. And you passed,” she reassured, “I’m sorry for hurtin ye like that.”

MacCready

“Two [names], huh? This is gonna be fun,” MacCready smirked and held out his hand, “My most prized possession. Give it to me.”

Sole 1 scratched their head as Sole 2 promptly placed a toy soldier in MacCready’s hand.

“Thank you, friend,” MacCready beamed, looking at Sole 2. He then whipped out his gun, “And goodnight imposter,” he stated, sniping Sole 1 in the forehead.

He walked over to the real Sole and smiled, “I hope you didn’t think I wouldn’t be able to tell the two of you apart. I could’ve figured it out even without the soldier.”

X6-88:

X6 looked at Sole 1, then at Sole 2.

“Alpha-9-3-Beta.”

Sole 1 immediately collapsed, and Sole whipped their head to look at their companion.

X6 approached them. “I’m a professional Courser, [sir/ma’am]. You don’t have to worry about rouge synths fooling me.”

Deacon:

“Two’s a crowd!” Deacon exclaimed, “Guess it’s time for comedy hour!” He dramatically cleared his throat: “Two Brotherhood of Steel soldiers are sitting in a tank,” he began.

Sole 1 looked interested in the joke, while Sole 2 rolled their eyes.

“One soldier tells the other: BLUB BLUB GLUB BLUB GLUB. The other soldier drowns.”

Sole 1 immediately started laughing while Sole 2 shots daggers at Deacon.

Deacon knew instantly who was whom. He pulled out his gun and aimed at Sole 1, “Sayonara!” He shouted.

Sole 1 braced for impact, but nothing happened. They looked at Deacon.

“I’m just messin with ya,” he began, “As long as you promise not to go screwing up my pal’s reputation, I don’t have any reason to kill you. In fact, you could probably be a valuable member of the Railroad if you wanted to join our cause.”

Sole 1 nodded and Deacon grinned.

“Great! Why don’t you start heading down to the Old North Church then. There should be a secret door and the password is Railroad. Let them know Deacon sent ya.”

As soon as Sole 1 left, Deacon looked at the real Sole with a goofy smiled plastered across his face. “Now back to what we were talkin about before…I know you’re a huge fan of my jokes. Wanna hear another one?”

Strong:

“Why two human?” Strong asked, scratching his head. “Was only one this morning.”

“That’s because they're a faker.” Sole 1 said, pointing an accusing finger at Sole 2.

“Shut up. No you’re not. I am!” Sole 1 retorted.

“Human fight with clone. Yes. Interesting.” Strong commented, “But Strong want to smash clone.”

The Sole’s were silent for a moment before Strong spoke again.

“Human know this. Who Strong’s favorite au-thor?”

“You don’t read…do you?” Sole 1 asked.

“William Shakespeare.” Sole 2 answered confidently.

“That real human,” Strong said, pointing at Sole 2. “Goodnight, clone,” Strong stated as he bashed the synth with his super sledge.

Curie:

“Oh my…” Curie mused, looking back and forth between the two Soles, “I…I don’t know who’s who!”

“I’m the real [name]!” Sole 1 pressed, “How can you not tell the two of us apart? We’re best friends”

“[He/She]’s lying!” Sole 2 swore, “I’m the real one!”

Curie frantically looked back and forth between the two Soles when she suddenly had an idea.

“Both of you turn around and lift up your shirt.”

The two Sole’s obeyed and Curie examined their backs. Sole 1’s back was smooth, but covered with a few cuts and bruises. Sole 2’s back was also slightly bruised and cut, but unlike Sole 1, they had a large, stitched up laceration that ran from one rib to the other. It was an injury they had received upon fighting a Mirelurk King with Curie.

She approached Sole 2. “You, you’re the real [name]! I’m so glad I was able to tell.” She then looked at Sole 1. “It must be fun looking like one of the most fascinating people in the Commonwealth.” Curie remarked. “But we can’t have you running around and pretending to be [name]. I’m so sorry…”

“Wait,” Sole 1 pled, “I won’t cause any problems. You have my word.”

Curie smiled. “Well, I’m glad! If you promise you won’t do evil, you are free to go!”

Sole 1 thanked Curie and Sole for sparing them as they rushed away.

Longfellow:

“I am one confused sea cucumber right now,” Longfellow stated, scratching his head, “I’m too old for this shit. Dammit, [name], why would you do this to a senile old man?”

The two Sole’s stared at Longfellow.

“Only one way to find out who the real deal is,” Longfellow pulled a fiddle out from seemingly nowhere and began to sing:

“Oooooh-! What you’re gonna do with a drunken sailor?

What you’re gonna do with a drunken sailor?

What you’re gonna do with a drunken sailor…?”

Sole one raised an eyebrow while Sole 2 beamed.

“Early in the morning!” The latter finished.

Longfellow smiled and shot the synth Sole to the ground. He then approached his real companion.

“I know that’s your favorite sea shanty, [lad/lassy]!” He exclaimed, “My pleasure to have rid the world of your evil clone.”

Ada:

“The two of you look identical. It’s going to be hard to tell who the imposter is, but I have an idea.” Ada declared. She suddenly lit up and projected an image onto the ground. It appeared to be an empty checkbox with the words I am not a robot written next to it.

“This high-tech projection is touch-sensitive,” Ada explained, “So who is going to try to check the box first?”

Sole 1 stepped forward. They tapped the box with their foot and nothing happened. They then tried again with their hand. They then stomped on it, and jumped on it. The box would not check.

“This stupid thing isn’t a touch screen!” Sole 1 complained, “Don’t lie!”

Just then Sole 2 stepped up. They lightly tapped the box and a check appeared.

“That answers our question, then.” Ada declared. “It looks like she is the real human being. I am sorry.”

Sole 1 slumped a bit, “Now what?”

Ada thought for a moment. “Well, I think I know someone who could use some company. Her name is Isabel Cruz. She should be located at the Robotics Technology Facility in East Boston.”

“Thank you,” Sole 1 stated, as they turned and ran away.

Codsworth

“Oh bother…” Codsworth mumbled, looking back and forth between the two Soles, “you both look completely identical.”

“It’s me, I’m the real [name]!” Sole 1 shouted.

“No, I am!” Sole 2 hollered back.

The two continued to bicker until Codsworth spoke again, “Only the real [name] would know the answer to this question!”

The two Soles perked up.

“What name did the [hubby/wife] insist on giving me before you settled on Codsworth?”

Sole 2 immediately answered, rolling her eyes at the memory “Mr. BB-8 But Floating and British.”

“Correct!” Codsworth cheered. He then turned to Sole 1. “I’m not going to harm you, [sir/ma’am] so long as you do not cause any trouble in [name]’s body.

The synth hastily nodded and ran away.

Codsworth then floated over to the real Sole. “You know, I never really did have the chance to properly thank you for changing my…unique name,” he stayed, shuttering, “So thank you. I am very grateful.”

[cxsmic-reactions]

Companions react to their child moving within Female SS and Female Companions:

First off let's address how Sole is strong enough mentally to try for another baby. Just know it took some heavy convincing and bribing from their Companion to get them to try.

Alas, Sole and others were pregnant and it was interesting, to say the least. First, it was the morning sickness then the mood swings. And now this. Don't get me wrong those others things are nice and all but the baby moving in their stomach is the icing on the cake. They were taking yet another lazy day and the unexpected happened. The baby moved.

Cait: Cait always wanted a child. She felt like she wanted to undo the wrongs her parents did and make her own well-rounded child. She wanted to treat them like who they were as a person. A human. Instead of a slave or worst a waste of space. She would also treat them with compassion no matter what. That's why she felt like it was right to have a baby Sole. Sole wanted a restart on raising a kid and Cait wanted one. What could go wrong? For starters Sole would panic anytime Cait held her stomach. Which would cause her to say a quick “I'm fine” and continue on with her day. But when the baby moved Sole didn't do anything. Instead, he just rubbed her stomach and smiled. Cait guessed that he was used to it because of his late spouse. Either way, it was sweet to see Sole like that.

Curie: Thanks to Curie’s know-how of science, Sole was able to impregnate her. At first, it was an experiment on human life but then halfway through she felt like this was more than just an experiment. In a way, she felt attached to the child and she would often talk to it when she was by herself. She often found herself singing to the unborn child and would sometimes get caught by Sole. Eventually, she would confess her true love for the kid to Sole and would beg for him to forgive her. Sole would then tell her how it didn't matter and as long as she loves the baby it was fine. After that, he would rub her belly and kiss her. As soon as he touched her stomach he felt a small kick. He leaned down kissed her stomach and smiled up at her. Curie then thought to herself how lucky she was to have those two.

Danse: After the exile from the Brotherhood he needed the happiness that Sole brings. And after some convincing and science, Sole was pregnant. All throughout the pregnancy, he was constantly at her side. He would also panic about every little thing that she did. If she winces even a little bit he would be there. Hell, he will even go as far as to feed her. Which Sole quickly put an end to. So when the baby moved and Sole made a noise, despite Sole’s warning, Danse would have his hands all over her. Checking her temperature, stomach, you name it he was on it. Until he figured out it was the baby moving he would calm down. All in all, he's a good father even though he is a bit protective.

Deacon: They were having a debate in which if you put something in between two pieces of bread it's a sandwich. Sole said it is, Deacon, says it's not. But just as Sole was about to counter Deacon's last remark, the baby moved. Sole made a shocked gasp which made Deacon run over to her side to see what happened. Once he figured out that the baby wasn't coming out early he laid his hand on her stomach. Which then prompted a kick from the womb. It would make him smile from ear to ear knowing that his baby was in there and they're ready to get out.

MacCready: No it wasn't the first time that he has witnessed a baby moving in a womb. I mean he had Duncan so no surprise. But this one was kinda different. He felt like this baby made them officially official. Like that Sole was his and He was Sole's. He felt like that tiny event signified everything. Just know he would be smiling about it every time it happens.

Hancock: First off the fact that Sole even got pregnant in the first place was a miracle. But the baby moving was in a whole different ballpark. He finds himself regretting what he said to Sole when the first started out. He believed that she was gonna walk away eventually. But she didn't and that made Hancock happy. After touching her belly he would look in her eyes and say "Moments like this, I know all that karma stuff is bull. Because no one like me should be this lucky." (I got that from the game :p).

Nick: Similar to Hancock it was a miracle and some science (thanks to Curie) that Sole got pregnant. And he knew the day she told him that he would protect that baby with his life if he had to. Though at first, Nick was very hesitant about the whole thing. Thinking why would they want to be with an old robot like him. But of course Sole assured him that he was the one for her and she was the one for him and all that. Even when the baby kicked Nick was a little hesitant to touch her stomach thinking he would hurt her and all, but no. Again she assured him and he touched her. Which actually brought a smile to both of their faces. To Nick the feeling of the child in her stomach made him feel like he was on cloud nine and that they were finally meet to be in his eyes. 

Piper: Piper couldn’t wait till the baby was out. It made it so much harder for her to move especially while trying to snag interviews. Thankfully Sole was always there with her so it wasn't that bad. And since he was always there he was able to witness the kicking. Of course, Piper freaked out due to lack of experience but Sole soon calmed her down. Explaining how his old spouse used to have those all the time with Shaun. All in all, it made Piper appreciate Sole way more than she usually did. 

Preston: Throughout the whole pregnancy Preston was a worrying mess. If something fell on the floor he was right there to get it no matter what. He wouldn't let her do anything besides eating and sleeping. He was so afraid of losing the child but of course Sole told him she was fine. Telling him that they were safe and if anything happens she will protect the baby. After being told that Preston would calm down and would only pick up stuff if they needed it. Due to this new change, they both agreed that Preston was still allowed to give her belly rubs whenever she needed. Which then prompted her to have many moments where he would be rubbing and the baby would kick at him. Moments like this would make him the happiest and it would remind him not to take life for granted.

X6-88: In the Institute they have technology that allows synths to conceive with humans like Sole. So that's what they did. As the director of the institute, Sole marched right to the Synth Retention Bureau and asked about it. It went sort of like her asking for X6 sperm to see if she could get pregnant. It worked and now they are here. During the pregnancy, he never left her side for more than a moment. And when the baby kicked he was there for it too. It made him smile and blushed a bit when it happened. And when Sole noticed it made her think of how X6 smiles a lot more than he used too when he is with her and the baby.

This was requested by @femalepennywise. This is officially my LAST REQUEST. I'm so glad! I will not be opening up my inbox until later June. But you can still expect me to post. I still need to clear out my drafts. Anyways as always I hope you enjoyed.💜

[crystalnet]

Pop Music in Ghibli

If you mention Ghibli and soundtracks in the same breath to most people, the first thing they will likely think of is Joe Hisaishi-senpai’s prodigious and immaculate compositions, BUT it occurred to me recently that there’s actually a great amount of pop music showing up in a handful of some of my very favorite Ghibli films. They’re more rare compared to the instrumental tracks, sure, but in that way it might be even be more impactful-- especially for plebeians without an ear for vocal-less music-- when they do show up. Click through as I explore pop music in 5 Ghibli classics. 

#1- The Wind Rises: ‘ "Hikōki-gumo" (ひこうき雲) by Yumi Matsutoya

Okay so hearing this song on a recent viewing of this film was the whole impetus for writing this. By hugely influential and popular song-writer Yumi Matsutoya, this closing-credits track drops just in time for a full fatality against the viewers’ emotional fortitude- if it remains in tact at all by that point. Between the bittersweet lyrics-- which corresponds beautifully with a plot point from the end of the film-- a righteous hammond organ part and this heart-breaking melody, it all just becomes a bit too much, in a great way. 

Mrs. Matsutoya here is outright indecent towards our emotions here. And I love it. In addition to that, the track counts as only one of a few instances of a pop song in a Ghibli joint serving as the closing track. So uh yeah, go down a rabbit hole of Matsutoya’s music if you wanna explore the wonderful world of vintage J-pop/city pop etc., and you will not be disappoint. Also, this isn’t even the first time one of her songs was used... her debut in Ghibli occured 2 decades earlier in....

#2- Kiki’s Delivery Service: ‘I’m Gonna Fly”- Sydney Forester

Okay, so this is not another Matsutoya song. But in the original Disney release of Kiki, this song stood in for what was in the Japanese release a rather different, rockabilly-pop song from one of Matsutoya’s early albums ‘Rouge no Dengon‘, and this has since been corrected on subsequent releases. Tonally they are pretty different, but they both share a level of charm. This English replacement is way cornier though, but I imagine whichever one you grow up with will be the superior and preferable dose of nostalgia. I’m tainted by living with the original 90s English version for so long, that I get really thrown off in the first 20 minutes if, mid-maiden voyage, Kiki turns on her radio to Matsutoya instead of this funny little stand-in.

Speaking of Kiki’s radio, this is one of only TWO instances I’m aware of in which the pop song is diegetic within the film-- meaning it actually comes from a source within the actual world of the movie-- at least sort of (it’s that kinda pseudo-diegesis where the volume of the song makes it clear that it can’t actually be coming from her little radio). This song just really has a kind of saccharine horse-girl charm which I love and I feel like it matches the movie’s atmosphere pretty well despite being modern sounding, whereas Kiki’s world seems to be vaguely set in a version of the.... 50′s where dirigibles never went away? Never really thought about it actually. 

But yeah, these weird contract-based one-off recording artist concoctions are always kinda fun. They remind me of weird tracks from the Detective Conan opening themes where you just wonder about how and why they come about. Ultimately though, Disney probably made a good choice. The song occurs early enough in the film that it might do some work towards dissuading any reservations younger viewer-- or their parents-- might have after wading into such a then-exotic animated film such as this. It gently reassures one that despite appearances, this film CAN be a movie for English-speaking Americans. Plus I mean this lady’s voice actually rocks. I feel like it helped sell the movie to my older Jewel-listening sisters when we were kids and for that I’m grateful~

#3- Only Yesterday: “Omoide No Nagisa”- The Wild Ones  (and much much more)

Okay so Only Yesterday is stuffed to the brim with tons of pop music and other cultural ephemera, far too much for me to parse through now (maybe deserving of its own deep-dive post) but I’ll focus on one that shows up early in the movie.

(This isn’t full track, for some reason the only full version on youtube will not embed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRlKvOiXgjo

This track plays during one of the early memoir-esque narration-heavy flashback scenes. It’s before we are fully thrust into those more washed-out, impressionistic coming-of-age sequences, and are being lead gently into that world by way of recollection from the now adult protagonist. She is remembering the craze in 1966 around “group-sounds”, a genre in Japan that was clearly partly indebted to the British Invasion happening on the other side of the world. 

I like the song a lot because I can hear the Beatles, Kinks and Monkeys etc., but it has it’s own really unique flair on top of that influence. I hear smokey curry and coffee shops. Fuzzy bunny-eared television signals. I think of young fresh-faced Japanese Boomers experiencing a newly technicolor world of pop-culture. The echo on the mic pick-ups whirs in my mind pulling me back toward a “simpler time”. 

The appearance of this song early on is a tip-off to the unfurling of a particularly globally-minded and varied soundtrack in this film which continues to surprise throughout the runtime-- it is my second favorite Ghibli soundtrack after ‘Totoro’ by far and that usually has to do with the incredible Bulgarian choir music that appears, but stuff like this Wild Ones track is just great too. Whether the male-lead/love-interest is playing that Bulgarian “peasant music” via his Toyota’s cassette player or we are getting a history lesson in early J-pop/rock, it’s all particularly tasty. There’s even a couple appearances from music from Japanese children’s television.

A lot of the referencing is nigh impossible for this westerner to parse, but all of it--save for one track-- is pretty ace. That one let-down for me is yet another pop song in the form of the ending credit-sequence track, a Japanese cover of ‘The Rose’. I think Bette Midler is just not a tasty association for an American of my ilk and so even if the rendition is tasteful, and the ending scene is beautiful, it remains the only time I’m let down sonically in the movie. 

Before I move on, it’s worth mentioning that the movie itself may be named after an American film OR a song by the Carpenters. I can’t be sure, but I kinda wish they actually used this Carpenters track to close the film instead of ‘The Rose’ but maybe it was a licensing issue. Anyhow. Perfect movie. 

#4- Whisper of the Hear: “Take Me Home, Country Roads”- John Denver/Olivia Newton John/Various

Okay so the way this song factors into the movie is way different than anything else we’ve discussed so far. I’ll embed the Olivia Newton-John rendition that the film opens with as opposed to the Japanese version that plays in the ending, because uh, as cute as it is, the vocalist (who I think is just the main-character’s voice actress?) is pitchy as hell (maybe in a twee, intentional way?) 

But so yeah, this song is a big part of an initial and reoccurring plot-point in the film which has the young protag. translating the American song into Japanese with her school friends. It’s a slightly illegible plot-point if you watch the English dub, but it basically comes across. According to Wiki, the producer of the film’s daughter actually supplied her lyrics which Mr. Hayao himself supplemented, which is just too cute. In the film, her version is called ‘Concrete Roads’ which has some nice thematic resonance with a lot of the angst that shows up in ‘Pom Poko’ regarding the suburban developments which sprawled out from Tokyo and other major Japanese cities throughout the 20th cent., encroaching on that same beautiful countryside that John Denver was initially sending up.

In a climactic scene, the protag. nervously but triumphantly sings the song along with her magic-boy boyfriend and his grampa’s grampa-friends, and uh yeah it’s cute as heck. 

The film is based on a manga, and though I’m too lazy to research this much, I assume the manga was the first to introduce the concept of centering so much of the story around a relatively benign country-pop tune such as this. But I mean, the choral arrangement in the intro of Newton-John’s is kinda emotional as hell. Mountain-momma indeed. 

#5- My Neighbor Totoro: Ending Theme- I don’t know...

Alright we’ll end with a sampling from the best of the best. I’m not gonna force too much “research” for this ‘cause like, I don’t know man, I just don’t wanna do anything that would remotely threaten to extinguish the magic. And I refuse to ever listen to the abomination that is the Disney re-dub. But I understand they re-recorded these tracks for that. Which, like, why? I’m also assuming the songs were pretty faithful translations of original Japanese tracks, because they’re just too good to have just been created for the western release. Like Hisaishi has to be behind those kalimbas and synth-lines. The lady’s voice basically sounds like my mom to me(?) and the dusty patina on her vocal-track alone kinda makes me wanna weep. 

And I kinda hate when people just joylessly parrot internet meme terms, but this song is what I would be unable to not describe as a “bop”. I mean the drums alone rip. 

This song has a sister-track in the form of an introductory credit-sequence song which accompanies a ridiculously cute visualizer, and they’re both just perfect matches for the joyful, innocent and exuberant nature of the film itself. Elsewhere on the OST, this is basically the last time that I’m aware of Hisaishi using synthesizers and it’s just glorious. Get this man on drum-machines and synths again! So uh yeah, I mean it’s all just great. What else could I say? Best soundtrack of all time period. Full stop. The end. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok that’s that. Keep in mind, there’s like a small hanful of Ghibli I still haven’t seen so there could be some major instance I’m missing but uh, maybe I’ll update if one day I find out there’s a straight up Utada Hikaru song in ‘Princess Kaguya’. Oh and uh yeah there’s this one in ‘When Marnie Was There’ by one Priscilla Ahn . It’s like a b-side of the Kiki song but not as good as that makes it sound like it’d be. But it’s horse-girl-core as hell. So uh yeah.

see ya space cowboy~

[atamascolily]

lily liveblogs “terminator 2: judgement day” for the first time

Nothing says "Christmas season" like watching bloody action movies! Well, there is "Die Hard," but I'm watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day, aka "James Cameron Was Mad He Didn't Put Those Ten Minutes of Subplot He Filmed Into the Theatrical Cut of the First Terminator, So He Made An Entire Movie About It Instead Because He Could”.

Ok, so I have the "Extreme Edition", whatever that means. The menu options for the DVD include "Sensory Control" (for subtitle options) and "Jump Into Timeline". Every now and then a super-creepy T-2 metallic head drops into frame to remind you to press play. I'm loving this.  

Cars in L.A. traffic. Children laughing on a playground in the '90s. Cut to the Apocalyptic Nightmare Future with the busted cars and skeletons for drivers. Everything's STILL IN PLACE the way it was when Judgement Day happened. Oooh, yeah, just cut to the wrecked playground with a pile of human skulls, in case we didn't get the memo.

(for the record, I'm pretty sure nuclear winter would actually NOT WORK LIKE THIS, but it looks cool, and James Cameron seems to be really good at this kind of parallels between present and future, so I'm rolling with it.)

Sarah Connor narrates the introductory spiel, and we're treated to basically the same opening as T1, except much higher budget everything. Lots of laser beams and explosions and fireballs, plus scary metal Terminators roaming around that the last movie did NOT have the budget for. (plus the audiences have already seen that in T1, so it's okay to show them in the intro, since I assume an EVEN SCARIER TERMINATOR FINAL FORM is coming).

We're only 3 minutes into the movie and the filmmakers have already spent like a tenth of their total budget on SFX and twice the total costs of the first movie. 

It occurs to me as Sarah is narrating, who is she narrating to? Just us, or some other characters? I strongly suspect we'll see some other characters when this film finally cuts to her.

How does Sarah know about a second strike? Didn't we establish in the last movie that there was only one Terminator that went through the portal before the humans got to it?? Are they retconning that now?

Instead of '80s synth and logo during the credits, we get a more symphonic treatment of the main theme, plus THE PLAYGROUND ON FIRE because SYMBOLISM for the destruction of CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE, amirite?? And then we cut to the SCARY METALLIC RED-EYED TERMINATOR SKELETON IN FLAMES because THAT is the defining image of this francise, the one that James Cameron had NIGHTMARES about that he decided to give to EVERYBODY ELSE by making these films.

I just realized how much the Terminator head in that shot looks like a human skull, THAT'S SO INTENTIONAL AAAAAH.

Cut to a truck driving off without its cargo, trash on the ground. Sparks fly, a wind picks up, it's night, we've been here before... This time the budget is higher, so we actually get to SEE the sphere instead of people just kind of appearing... and it carves a hole in one of the trucks. This ALSO didn't happen in T1. Nudity is still mandatory, though. It's still Arnold. You can tell it's an upgraded model Terminator based on his computer system menus. He still beats up tattooed punks to steal their clothes, only instead of stoned punks, these are long-haired motorcycle dudes in some sort of pool bar.

Oh, wow, there are a lot of people in this bar. A woman with a cigarette and a nose ring is checking the Terminator out. This is going to go well. Country music blares on the soundtrack.

He's looking for the dude with the best motorcycle. Tells him to give him his stuff. This is just like the first movie, but different. The dude is unimpressed, though why I'm not sure, because the Terminator is super-intense, and super-buff.

But the motorcycle dude blows smoke in his face--the T2 model scan says "carcinogen vapors", which is a) hilarious, and b) SO DIFFERENT FROM THE "EVERYBODY IS ALWAYS SMOKING EVERYWHERE" vibe of 1984--a sign of the evolving social norms. Then the motorcycle dude grinds his cigar into the Terminator's bare skin... and of course there's no reaction.

One dude goes through a window onto the front window of what may well be his car(?). The original dude goes flying into the kitchen and lands on a stove, which is horrific, but also karmic payback. Another gets stabbed with his own knife. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, CAMERON. Burned guy tries to pull a gun on the Terminator, but surrenders his keys and his clothes without a fight. Terminator goes outside in record time, because the dude he tossed on the car window is still there.

The bartender comes out with a gun, fires a shot into the air, and tells the Terminator to get off the bike. This is going to end poorly for him, especially since "Bad to the Bone" is playing in the background. Terminator takes both the gun and the guy's shades while the dude just watches, incredulously. YOU GOT LUCKY YOU'RE NOT HIS TARGET/MISSION, pal.

(also: this movie is such an obvious social commentary about how being armed really doesn't help you against a real threat, American fantasies to the contrary)

Cut to more blowing trash, more buildings, more trucks, a police car, electricity. The future is calling! (Oh good, this person's either going to be chased by the police OR Take their stuff.)

Dramatic hole in the fence from the future sphere thing. Yeah, this definitely wasn't a thing in the first movie, but it does look cool in this shot! Yep, there goes the policeman!

New dude's first order of business is to look up John Connor's name in the computer in the police car. Apparently, John Connor has a criminal record - trespassing, shoplifting, disturbing the peace, vandalism. He doesn't live with Sarah... he's got a guardian, and the address is in the computer.

Cut to the suburbs. It's wholesome, white-bread America. His foster mother yells at him. John is a teenage motorcycle punk, but in a clean, wholesome way. His friend has very '90s hair, though.

John's friend thinks that his foster mom is a "dick," but frankly, I see no evidence why we should hate her thus far. Her husband comes out to tell John to clean his room, but he and his little friend are already zipping away on their motorcycle, and the little friend is holding a miniature boombox, and it's so '90s, I have to pause so I can laugh for a while. Also, this rebelliousness is what's going to save his life when the Terminator comes for him. I guess the foster parents are framed as nagging assholes so we don't care so much when they die??

(also, what do you want to bet Sarah taught John to ride a motorcycle??)

John Connor is a little dick who thinks he's so clever, and he doesn't have to do anything because these aren't his real parents. His foster dad smokes, and doesn't say anything, probably because he's already made it clear to his wife that room cleaning is not high on his priority list. Fuck him.

Sarah's doing pull-ups in her cell. THOSE ARM MUSCLES, OH MY GOD. She's 29 years old. SUCH A CHANGE from the waitress with the '80s hair from the first film. Everything's so white, it's a state psychiatric ward for women. Men in suits discussing Sarah's case.

THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO KYLE IF THE TERMINATOR HADN'T BUSTED THE POLICE STATION. *sob*

Is Silbermann - the psychiatrist who examined Kyle in T1 still around? He left the police station right before the Terminator's attack, so I assume he lived... what does he make of Sarah's case? Does he ever follow up? I wonder what's going through his head.

I like how we don't see Sarah's face until she turns to face the doctors. I like how wild and unhinged she looks, how feral. She's changed so much in what, ten years? Thirteen? I think it's 1997, just before Judgement Day, but idk if that's been confirmed yet. Thirteen looks about right for John Connor, so I'm going with that.

Oh, god IT IS DR. SILBERMANN, THAT ASSHOLE!!! How does he explain how both Sarah AND Kyle have schizophrenia, when Sarah was perfectly normal before? And he *know* someone was murdering other Sarah Connors and seemed to be gunning for her, so why...? Was he really that much of an asshole not to suspect that *something* was going on, and Sarah wasn't crazy??

Also, I love "How's the knee?" because she totally hurt him, and I love her. I love how calm she sounds, like she's the one in control not them, because she can hurt them more than they can hurt her.

Sarah stares at the female doctors, and I realize now that Silbermann is doing a tour of the facility LIKE IT'S A ZOO, and... yeah, wow, he really is an asshole. He's the one with delusions, who can't see outside his own sheltered bubble...

I wonder what would happen if Sarah could talk to one of the female doctors? If they could make a connection? Maybe they would believe her. God knows Silbermann isn't going to listen to anyone who doesn't already agree with him.

God, the orderlies are sadist assholes. I fucking hate them. That shot of Sarah lying crumpled on the floor is so beautiful because everything is angelic pristine white and sunny, and so horrifying.

The police dude shows up at John's foster parents' house. We're supposed to think he's good because he's not Arnold, but this person has no facial expressions and he's too calm - compare with Kyle's frantic fumblings. This is not somebody from the human resistance of T1, at least not without some serious retconning. He's too poised and professional, too adept at the 1990s, whereas Kyle Reese had the social skills of a feral racoon and wore pants he stole from a homeless man. Totally different vibe going here.

The knock on the door sequence is so parallel to the original Terminator going to the first Sarah Connor's house in T1... same suburban paradise... and you can get anything when you're a clean-shaven, short-haired white cop, can't you??

Cut to: '90s tech. John and his little friend hacking an ATM. God. Their clothes, their hair, the ATM... everything is peak early '90s, and I can't handle it. We learn that Sarah Connor taught her son how to hack, because of course she does.

John keeps the photo of Sarah in his backpack, awwww. John is so not impressed by his mother, calls her crazy because she took the war to Cyberdyne and WENT BACK AND TRIED TO BLOW UP THE COMPUTER FACTORY AGAIN AFTER KYLE DIED!! (and her son was born)

Q: what did she do with John while she did that? Was he outside waiting for her somewhere? How did the police find him??

It doesn't matter who your parents are, EVERY teenager thinks their parents are "total losers". John has a chip on his shoulder a mile wide. His little punk friend thinks Sarah is so cool, and he doesn't know any of this, so I guess they're not THAT good friends??? Since it's John's motorcycle, John's driving, and John's stolen money, I guess the little unnamed punk friend is only hanging out with John because John is so much cooler than him, and needs someone to exposit to??

That shot of a drugged Sarah slumped over her knees on her bed in the shaft of sunlight, with her hair combed is SO BEAUTIFUL, too bad she's a drugged shadow of her usual self...

OH MY GOD, MICHAEL BIEHN IS IN THIS MOVIE, AND HE COMES TO HER, AND HE'S WEARING HIS TRENCH COAT AND TELLING HER SHE HAS TO WAKE UP OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG MY SHIPPER HEART asfhgfkgkfdgjkfdlgf *incoherent screaming* I need a thousand GIF sets of this scene PRONTO.

Kyle: "Where's our son???"

god, Sarah's EYES when she says they took him from her

Kyle is so earnest, so desperate, so much less bedraggled than he ever was in T1... god, he's even wearing that stupid gown under his trench coat that he got in the police station in T1, that detail wrecks me, oh my god, oh my god, this scene is so beautiful, I just want an entire movie of THIS, oh my god...

Sarah is begging Kyle for help, and he grabs her shoulders and tells her she's strong, stronger than she ever thought she could be, LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DONE, OH MY GOD, beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, I love him.

AHHHHHHHHHHH, and then he says "On your feet, soldier!" which is what she said to HIM right before he DIED, and he forces her UP and they EMBRACE and she's sobbing into his shoulder and he hells her he loves her and he always will, and HKGKSFJALFNDBJNJN

I am a melting pile of shipper goo right now, this shot of them in the sunlight is so fucking beautiful, James Cameron HOW DARE YOU THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED IN A MOVIE EXCEPT THAT KYLE IS STILL DEAD, DAMN IT, YOU DIDN'T RETCON THAT.

He says he'll always be with her... and he is, because he's a voice in her head, a memory.... ahhhhhhhh my heart...

And he tells her "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves," which is what SHE SAID TO HIM, oh my GODDDDDDDD.

And they hug and kiss and I could watch a whole movie about this, and then she slumps back and she's alone in her cell in a shaft of sunlight and I just want to cry. whhhhhyyyyy do you have to hurt me this way, why, why why why why whyyyyyy?

Oh wait, he's at the door to the cell, and it's open, telling her there's not much time... and walking away, and she goes out to follow him as he's walking down the hall and everything's so eerily perfect white and shiny and beautiful and SURREAL, fuck, I am so HERE FOR THIS!

God, this is all beautifully shot as she chases after him - and we get a good view of her amazing forearm muscles without objectifying her. The nightgown she's wearing is NOT standard institutional outfit - it looks more like lingerie than State Mental Hospital Standard Issue - but it's not especially revealing, either.

She opens the doors and she's outside and there's that playground again with all the children playing... SYMBOLISM AGAIN.... Sarah is locked out, away from the children, yelling to save them... and then fire.

And she wakes up in her cell and her hair is a mess again, so this time we know it's real -- and her outfit's changed, too, back to the tank top she was originally wearing, so I guess her outfit was part of the dream, too.

(ngl, I wasn't expecting even THIS MUCH of Michael Biehn in this movie, so I will happily take it, but stilllllllll... I WANT MORE, GODDAMN IT!!!)

(this got long, so I’m breaking it up into parts)

[sinceileftyoublog]

Sightless Pit Interview: Grave of a Dog, Song by Song Breakdown

From left to right: Dylan Walker, Kristin Hayter, Lee Buford

BY JORDAN MAINZER

The trio of The Body’s Lee Buford, Lingua Ignota’s Kristin Hayter, and Full of Hell’s Dylan Walker have some history. The Body and Full of Hell had released two collaborative albums, and Hayter’s appeared on The Body’s records. But Sightless Pit is a true distillation of each of these artists while simultaneously existing as its own entity. And to them, it’s not just a side project. Sightless Pit is, to Walker, “the next most serious thing I have” after Full of Hell. Earlier this year, he spoke to me over the phone of desperately wanting to apply what he’s learned from his experiences in his “will play anywhere” best-known band--mistakes included--to the new one that’s a little more picky. This isn’t to say that Sightless Pit’s debut Grave of a Dog is composed--quite the opposite. Many of the songs started out with a minimal canvas and took shape on their own, often due to the nature of the instrumentation. (They used no guitars and instead noise devices, drum machines, a baby grand piano, and a lot of samples, including a John Phillip Sousa sample.) But the essence of Sightless Pit, as Walker repeatedly told me, lies in contrast best enhanced by atmosphere as pure as the collaboration itself. Recorded with Seth Manchester (“He understands and finesses things in a way we couldn’t do with anyone else,” Walker said), Grave of a Dog is singular because it ebbs and flows and thrives in extremes.

Read on as Walker breaks down the album, song by song, cover to cover.

Since I Left You: Sightless Pit is a collaboration of three artists who have collaborated before in various ways. Why was this the right time to do this exact iteration and a full album’s worth of songs?

Dylan Walker: I don’t think the timing was intentional at all. A couple years ago, though, Lee and I finally buckled down about starting a band because he had studio time at Machines with Magnets. He started working on beats. Kristin was there, too. She did some synthesizer and piano accompaniments to the songs. It added so much to the record. At first, I think Lee just wanted her to be a contributor, as The Body do with all of their guests. But it just seemed so critical to me, what she contributed, even from the first batch of recordings, that we had to have Kristin in the band. I didn’t know her that well at point. I had never met her in person. We were really friendly with each other, and we liked each other’s music a lot. We kind of blindly asked her to be in the band, and she was super into it. What she offers is so much different than what I can do and what Lee can do. It made it into a more full-bodied project. The timing didn’t have anything to do with it, but it took us ages to make the record, since we were all on tour. Lee doesn’t fly, so he only recorded one time to make up the beats, and Kristin and I went up to Providence to finish the record last year around this time. It was kind of sketchy. We didn’t want to mess with anything Lee had done or lose his vision, but thankfully, Machines with Magnets is such a cool studio, we were able to finesse things into a shape we were all into. We had no idea how it was gonna sound, either. There weren’t really a lot of guidelines to go on, which made it a little difficult for me to envision where the record was gonna go. But that was the cool part about it. It was very organic.

SILY: Now, at this point, Kristin has released CALIGULA, her biggest record to date, and has garnered her a fan base similar to The Body’s and Full of Hell’s. The first track, “Kingscorpse”, just sounds like the answer to the question, “What would a collaboration between Lingua Ignota, The Body, and Full of Hell sound like?” First, you hear her, then you hear Lee’s beats, and then you hear you. It’s sort of like, “Boom, boom, boom,” this is exactly what it’s gonna sound like.

DW: Even early on, we kind of thought that would be the first song, but when things were more formally taking shape, we decided as a group that should be the first track. It just feels like an introduction, like a palate cleanser to me. It’s the most normal, on-the-nose song on the record. It’s really hard to think of these songs as singles, since the whole thing is different the whole way through. I feel like it’s meant to be listened to together, the whole way through, not as singles, though that’s kind of how things go nowadays. But yeah, it’s a great first song. It’s pretty straightforward and has everybody’s voice in it pretty equally.

SILY: “Immersion Dispersal” introduces some other elements of the aesthetic, most prominently drone. To what extent was that song on the record and the record in general influenced by ambient music?

DW: I think it had a heavy influence on the whole record. “Immersion Dispersal”, I’m actually listening to it right now so I can remember what happened, because it’s such a long process. Certain songs on the record are really driving and dancey and more out front with their aggression. “Immersion Disperal” has some groove to it, with Lee playing saxophone and Kristin doing some juggalo rapping, which is kind of a joke, I guess.

SILY: “The Ocean of Mercy” has chants that are direct references to ritual dancing.

DW: Kristin and I are really into this collection of paranormal recordings. A lot of the recordings are from the 60′s and 70′s. It has a lot of cool ghost artifact recordings. But this one is exorcism. We sampled that a little bit and wanted something that breathes and cleanses your palate. This track is my favorite one on the record. It’s meditative. It sinks into you. There are a lot of layers on the track, but they’re very subtle, so the track feels minimalistic to me. Some of these tracks are so intensely blown out and in your face, that something like this is a nice breath. A literal ocean of mercy. The track kind of made me laugh when we named it. It made a lot of sense.

SILY: “Violent Rain” has a sort of dystopian quality to it. Was that something you were going for there?

DW: Yeah, I mean, that’s the thing with a lot of these songs. When these songs are started, there’s no intention to them. We don’t know what they’re gonna sound like. We start them, and they take shape on their own. They dictate to us how they should sound. At least that’s the vibe I get every time I’m in there. We build these songs from the bottom up. So basically, we had a collection of beats from Lee, and Kristin played synths on top, and we basically find a hook or something that makes the song fit into what we’re trying to do for the record.

“Violent Rain” drum-wise reminded me of an old band Lee was in that Spencer [Hazard] from Full of Hell and I were really into called Dead Times. They were extremely blown out, minimalistic, industrial doom. It was so brutal. The more simplistic the beat is, the more it channels that old style. I’m a big fan of it. It’s kind of this flowy, moody synth song, but these brutal drums swell in and out. Kristin’s piano and solo performance on top of it is a nice contrast. I’m just one little part of this thing. I’m not the architect by any means. But one thing I made clear to those guys was I really wanted to exemplify the harsh contrast between the ugliest sounds Lee and I can make and these beautiful, grandiose, soaring sounds Kristin is kind of known for, I guess. She makes all kind of sounds, ugly and beautiful, but that stark contrast always excited me. This was an extreme case study in that.

SILY: On "Drunk On Marrow” and “Miles Of Chain”, your screaming becomes an almost gargle, even more so than I’ve ever heard from your voice. To what extent do you think you pushed your voice on this record?

DW: I hate to say this, but I don’t really remember if I pushed my voice any harder in particularly. I definitely wanted the vocals on “Miles Of Chain” to be pretty wretched, so I kind of went for it there. It’s where my style is kind of leaning in the future, even with Full of Hell. Maybe less emphasis in making sure I pronounce things properly and more emphasis on making the gurgliest, most disgusting-sounding vocals I can muster at the time. It has more pronounced feeling, and obviously it sounds grosser. It has more area where I can sit in comfortably. So I can really push myself in that direction more.

SILY: The second to last track, “Whom The Devil Long Sought To Strangle”, blew my mind composition-wise the first time I heard it. With the three of you, especially The Body and Full of Hell, I have to tell myself, “Nothing’s off limits,” but when the explosion of screeches and screams came about at the end of this song, I was still surprised.

DW: Yeah, it turned out pretty cool. The sounds all the way through the song on top of the drums, that’s Kristin playing with the strings under this baby grand piano. We just want to get sounds any way we can get them. If it creates this cool, atmospheric landscape, that’s exactly what they want. I want it to expand between unsettling ambiance, explosions, and nice, dancey beats. We didn’t intentionally go into it knowing what kind of contrast was gonna be there, and it kind of grew into its own thing. This record is really organic. I’m still truly wondering whether people are going to like it. None of us really know how to describe it, but it does feel like all three of us. I’m not too worried about it. If some people like it, that’s cool. I’m glad we made it.

SILY: Why did you decide to end it with “Love Is Dead, All Love Is Dead”?

DW: It’s just a depressing song. This whole record was about walking away from things you love. This song is just sad. It has almost like a hopeful note at the end, too. I think it’s really beautiful. It’s not just miserable and caustic. It’s dynamic. It’s not singular or just ugly. I didn’t do a lot on this track. I did some background noise for texture. The song is purely a Kristin performance. It has layers. It’s not ugly. It’s a beautiful sounding song. But it’s crushingly sad to me.

SILY: What’s the inspiration behind the band name?

DW: You know, I had that name in my name bank I keep in my phone for a long time. I wanted to use it for a Full of Hell song. It’s actually a location in an Elder Scrolls game. Pretty nerdy, but I was so struck by the wording. It felt so perfect. In terms of how this record sounds, too, it was pretty fitting. We were tossing around names, and it stuck with everybody. This hopeless, deep, unknown place.

SILY: What about the album title?

DW: “Grave of a Dog” was this incredibly sad title Lee had sitting around that he wanted to use for this band. We all really love dogs. I feel like “Grave of a Dog” is such a brutal, sad title. It’s dual-fold, too. It could be the grave of a dog, or the grave of a person not even worth a name. Overall, it’s just crushingly sad. That’s kind of Lee’s specialty.

I have a couple Corgis, and I’m a big baby about them. When I went on tour for the first time, I had really terrible separation anxiety. Every tour I’m going on added up, I’m missing a third of this dog’s life. Am I going to regret this when this dog passes, god forbid? It was worth it for me to be away from him for a third of his life, but it was really fucking with me for a couple years. It was this time sync crisis. There are a lot of different ways to interpret the title, though. I’m sure Lee could give you a whole different fucking explanation. There’s some anonymity to it, but also a very literal definition.

SILY: What about the album art?

DW: That was my concept. We were having trouble with a direction for the artwork. When the record was shaping up, I was pretty excited about it. I was proud to be a part of it. I wanted art that was good. You could so easily shrug it off and do just about whatever. I didn’t want something like that to be just shrugged off. I thought it was so cool for the cover to be just entirely black, with the outline of the three of us shrouded. We had a friend shoot for us. The logo, even before we knew what this project was gonna sound like, the aesthetic I had in my head was very rococo, very gilded and flowery and lengthy looking. My friend Mark McCoy, who I’m such a fan of, did the logo. I wanted it to be extravagantly beautiful, and a great contrast with the ugliness of the music. I need to really get that logo out there as much as possible. It’s unique--I don’t see a lot that look like that.

The insert has some flower arrangements a friend shot for us. I wanted some warm color to contrast the blackness, but not on the outside of the record. The outside had to be essentially a black hole. That was the impetus for that artwork.

SILY: Is there anything you’ve been listening to, reading, or watching lately that’s caught your attention?

DW: I haven’t been able to watch movies or TV for a couple months now. I’ve been in this weird phase where I only watch YouTube. I’ve been watching really weird YouTubers, those monotonous, shit-talking people who just rant. It’s weird--it’s not entertaining, and I feel bad for my wife. There’s always some stupid fucking 40-minute rant video on where the guy is eating something disgusting and choking on it or throwing up or naked. That’s where I’m at. I’m only watching the most freebased form of whatever TV is. Straight up garbage.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Natalie Rose LeBrecht. I can’t even describe her--I don’t know where she’s from. But this record, Mandarava Rose, is so beautiful. It has a ton of instruments on it and is so soothing. I’ve been listening to a lot of Tony Molina. He’s a really great songwriter. His songs are extremely short, funny, and sad.

SILY: Full of Hell beat him by one spot in our top albums list of last year.

DW: That’s so sick. I’m glad you guys like Tony Molina, too. I was such a huge Ovens fan, first. It’s so crucial. But then I got into his solo records. There’s some loud stuff but a lot of acoustic stuff, too. It’s so interesting how short his songs are. He’s a punk dude, and it’s interesting to see how that aspect of punk translates to power pop songs. The leads are insane. He’s self deprecating in a way that’s not corny, just funny and sad. His records don’t wear out for me. I’ve also been listening to a lot of Stooges lately. Oddly enough, I randomly came across King Krule. I knew the name forever and never bothered to listen. I was listening to that record 6 Feet Beneath the Moon that came out a few years ago. It’s so sick. He’s so talented. It’s really fun to listen to. I’ve also been listening to a lot of hard, beat-heavy house music. There’s this label in England called NUXXE, run by the artists Shygirl and COUCOU CHLOE. I think they’re referring to it as post-club music, but it’s really noisy, with ignorant-ass beats.

SILY: Do you subscribe to any Twitch channels?

DW: I think Twitch requires too much intelligence to sign up for. YouTube has some serious weirdos. I don’t want to listen to guys who are intentionally trying to be funny. There are just some YouTubers I’ve been following for a long time that I’ve been really back into lately. I feel like in one way, it’s funny and dark to see these people pouring all this time into it, but in a totally serious way, I think it’s kind of beautiful that something like YouTube exists and gives a platform to people who might not have a lot of friends or have a healthy way to cope with the world around them or don’t like interacting with the world. Because YouTube exists, these people have a following of people that exist and that they can talk to. I think people undervalue it when they talk shit about weirdos that have 5,000 videos on YouTube of shit-talking. Nothing like this existed before for them. I may find it funny, but I refrain from ridiculing someone because they’re eccentric. I follow these people and see where their journey takes them. Every town’s got one. It’s pretty wild. There’s even a guy in the town next to me. He’s been doing it for a decade and reviews all kinds of stuff. It’s pretty incredible. I guess I have bad taste--I like boring, stupid shit like that. I’m gonna fly my flag and run with it: I’m a weirdo who watches other weirdos on YouTube. 

[btsybrkr]

What A Time To Be At Home!: The Best And Worst Coronacontent The Internet Has To Offer

Remember that joke that’s been around for ages, but was being told literally everywhere back in 2019? The one that went something like, “I hate it when people ask me where I’ll be in a year’s time - I don’t have 2020 vision!”?

Well, I bloody wish someone did.

In fact, in early January, I wrote out my own predictions for the decade ahead right here on my blog. They were obviously entirely hypothetical and - I thought - ridiculous. They were just a series of daft ideas that I thought I could take the piss out of, in the hope that people might read it and take a second out of their day to do an amused little nose exhale for me. But now, even the post-apocalyptic TV show ideas I pitched in that piece seem less ‘far-off dystopian chaos’, and more like they could be pleasant additions to the BBC Summer schedule.

The world is in the throes of a global pandemic, the likes of which haven’t been seen since… I don’t know, The Black Plague, maybe? As a result of that, the instructions have been clear: stay home, save lives. 

At first, the thought of being given a period of Government-sanctioned laziness seemed like a dream to many. We could write our autobiographies! Learn Klingon! Build ourselves a whole new house! But six weeks in, it appears to have started messing with the collective consciousness of the human race. Brains are fried, your Weekly Screen Time is up 103%, stomachs are full to the brim with banana bread and dalgona coffee, and certain celebrities’ egos are in a fight to the death with their common sense. In a time when we’re all supposedly doing nothing, there’s still so much going on. 

With that in mind, I thought we could recognise some of the things we’ve seen online that have kept us talking in lockdown, not just because of Coronavirus, but in spite of it. 

Welcome to the first (but hopefully not annual) What A Time To Be At Home! awards. The WATTBAH!’s, if you like.

The ‘Why On Earth Did You Think This Was A Good Idea?’ Award

Over the last few weeks, we’ve seen a sizable handful of blunders by the rich and famous that have, at worst, knocked them down a fair few places in our estimations and, at best, have left us scratching our heads, wondering what response they were expecting in the first place. 

With that in mind, it’s only right that this title goes to the original celebrity lockdown mistake: Gal Gadot’s ill-advised acapella cover of Imagine, featuring a variety of different Hollywood stars - not one of whom had the foresight to ask “are you sure this doesn’t make us look like complete arseholes?”, which, unfortunately, it absolutely does. 

Between the bizarre and insincere ‘I have a dream’-style speech at the beginning, the boldness of some of those featured to be quite clearly just taking the piss, and the fact everyone appears to be singing ever-so-slightly below the note without ever actually hitting it for the entirety of the song, this was tone-deaf in more ways than one. It’s even worse when you realise that this was posted less than one week into the lockdown, but then what would I know? Maybe madness sets in faster in multi-million dollar mansions. Probably because it echoes louder and bounces off the walls of your massive living room.

The ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ Award

This award recognises content we’ve been witness to over the last few weeks that was so awful, so completely uncomfortable to watch, that after you’d gotten over the initial disbelief at what you’d just seen, you immediately had to send it to somebody you know, so that you can suffer through it together.

Despite how many celebrity lockdown moments have left me with my head in my hands over the last few weeks, this award could only go to a very recent contender - one which isn’t simply an embarrassing piece of celebrity lockdown content, but will likely haunt the inner corners of my brain long after this virus is simply a topic taught about in GCSE History lessons of the future. 

I am, of course, talking about Olly Murs. I’m talking about Pringlegate. I’m talking about Olly Murs removing the bottom of a can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles to trick his own girlfriend into touching his penis. On video, on TikTok.

Twitter: @buckyw1ng

There’s something inherently quite chilling about Pringlegate. It might be something to do with the 10,000 watt grin on Olly’s face as we watch him carefully maneuver a tin opener around the bottom of the can, or perhaps it’s just the question of how long he’d been sat there holding it around his naked penis as he and his girlfriend watched a film, patiently waiting for the moment to strike. Perhaps it’s the way the video freezes as she reaches over for a Pringle, allowing time for Olly Murs’ to add in an audio clip of himself, shouting “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND”. 

Maybe it’s the uncontrollable show of amusement he launches into as she snatches her hand back in shock, laughing away, heartily, as if to say “Ha! You thought it was a normal can of Pringles, but it was actually my PENIS covered in Pringles crumbs! You just got PUNKED!”, like it was all simply a clever ruse. 

Above all else, I think the most uncomfortable thing about it is that I can’t help but feel like all bets are off in 2020, and that this is a fairly tame warm-up for things to come.

So, Olly Murs, you are inarguably the rightful winner of the ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ award. Congratulations! Don’t do it again, yeah?

The ‘Are You Actually Aware Of These Words Coming Out Of Your Mouth?’ Award

I’ve said some stupid things since this lockdown started. Personally, I put it down to the lack of social interaction, which I think might be frying my brain a little bit, or at least that’s what the ornament of a turkey that sits on my kitchen windowsill told me the other day. However, I don’t think I or anybody I know has said anything even one fraction-of-an-iota as void of intelligent thought as Vanessa Hudgens’ terrible opinions on social distancing, shared in a now-infamous Instagram live last month. 

“It’s a virus,” she clarified, helpfully, before going on to explain, “I get it. I respect it.” 

I’m sure your respect means the world to it, Vanessa, but do you ‘get’ it?

“But even if everybody gets it, like… yeah… people are gonna die,” she explains, in a tone so chirpy that the word ‘die’ might as well be replaced by the phrase ‘have such a bloody lovely old time’, “which is terrible, but, like… inevitable?” 

In all fairness, death is inevitable, but I don’t know if suggesting speeding up that process for thousands of people because you were disappointed that Coachella was cancelled is an equally logical take.

After a brief - and probably quite profound - moment of self-reflection, she laughs “I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t be doing this right now”. Oh, you think? Which bit? Just holding these insane ideas, or actually broadcasting them to your 39.1 million Instagram followers? 

She did post a video the day after, clarifying that - despite what she said - she is staying at home, and is urging others to do the same. I guess she does respect the virus after all. Now, if everyone could hurry up, catch it and die from it, so that she can go to Coachella 2021, Vanessa Hudgens might respect you, too. 

I guess We’re All In This Together, after all.

The Show Of Support Award

I’ve already talked a lot about the rich and famous here, so maybe it’s time to take a break from that madness - although, I get it, I respect it - and have a look at how the rest of our lives look at the moment.

One weekly occurrence that seems to be set to stick around is the weekly round of applause for the NHS. Whilst it’s nothing short of blood-boilingly annoying seeing Boris Johnson absent-mindedly clapping in celebration of a service that he recently admitted he hadn’t even noticed the strain on until he, himself, nearly died of the virus, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the rest of us getting involved. If anything, it’s heart-warming to see the videos of NHS staff being applauded by neighbours as they leave for work, and to hear the cheers echoing through the streets at 8pm every Thursday. There’s a lot of people being quite cynical about it. We obviously know it’s not going to stop Coronavirus in its tracks, but sometimes it’s just nice to be nice, alright?

One thing I’ve noticed recently is how many people have adopted different noise-making strategies, possibly in an effort to effectively boost their support by a factor of 300%. Banging pots and pans together appears to be the most popular, but the winner of this award saw your pots and pans and said “how sweet”, before showing us how it’s really done.

I present to you, a genius. The ultimate hype-man.

Twitter: “a deeply disturbed national psyche” - @willuminare

There’s something so chaotic and angry about the energy in this video, just one man, a cricket bat, and a wheelie bin, banging away to show his gratitude. Just living in the moment. I wish the neighbour who’d captured it on camera had caught more of it, or at least just enough to edit the footage with Electric Youth’s soaring synth anthem  ‘A Real Hero’ from the soundtrack of the movie Drive against it.

I’ve been trying to learn to play the keytar in lockdown, to near enough no avail. Maybe at 8pm next Thursday, I’ll just take it outside and smash it against the pavement. You know, for the NHS.

Honourable Mentions: The Very Best In Coronacontent

It’s not all been so questionable - there’s been a lot of uplifting, funny, positive and thoughtful things shared online over the past few weeks. John Krasinski’s YouTube series Some Good News has provided a much-appreciated contrast from the bleakness of traditional current affairs programmes. There’s five weeks worth of episodes on his YouTube channel at the moment, so I would definitely recommend checking it out, especially if you feel like you need a lift! 

Over on Twitter, there’s been a lot to laugh about, as ‘front camera comedians’ are well and truly in their element (my personal favourite recently has been Alistair Green), as well as plenty of other users who are utilising their free time to create some brilliant stuff - this six-part opera based on a 2007 Facebook argument by Archie Henderson is genuinely one of the funniest things I’ve seen in weeks.

Twitter: “I made a six-act opera out of a conversation between some 14 year olds on my Facebook from 2007″ - @jazzemu_

All in all, these are obviously bizarre times that we’re living in. We don’t know how many more weeks of lockdown we’re going to have, when we’ll get back to normal, or even if ‘normal’ will mean something completely different from now on. 

What we do know is that the internet, and everyone on it - whoever they are or whatever they’re saying - will continue to surprise us, inform us, entertain us, provide a place for our quizzes and conversations, and keep us together in some sense, when we have no choice but to be apart. 

Thanks to anyone who’s read this far. I hope that you and your friends and families are keeping well, and that you took even a slight shred of lockdown enjoyment from even one thing I’ve said over the past couple thousand words! 

Finally, before I go, I thought we might share a little song. It goes like this:

Imagine there’s no heaven....

if you like, can follow me on twitter here or instagram here :-)