#like those posts about two people calling someone sir/madam at the same time

[weneedatdcharacterwho]

We need a TD character that's so androgynous everybody just keeps guessing what their gender is, unaware said character is actually nonbinary/intersex.

Like, all campers will be like: "Oh, he/she? Yeah we don't actually know if they're a girl or a boy" As a recurring joke and said character will always say "Hah! They don't know im a secret third thing" On the confessional.

Make 'em use all pronouns too to make everybody even more confused /silly

[Sorry if there are any mistakes or odd wording btw! English isn't my first language and tend to struggle a lot with grammar </3]

.

[lilyrachelcassidy]

Summer Nights (1)

A/N: Welcome to the first chapter of my new and long time awaited series - Summer Nights. Please read every necessary information in the INDEX of the story (warnings, summary). Do not forget that the fic is quite mature and might contain some obscene stuff (i.a. alcohol and sexual items). I’ll try to post each chapter regularly (like one per week?) however as it sometimes turns out - I can be unreliable in that matter ( ;

Words: 2.6k 

Warnings: coarseness, poverty problems, swearing, alcohol and sexual items (or rather mentions of them?), reference to arranged marriage   

Tags: @okaydraco @idkatee @paradigmax @winnsmills @war-sword

You turned your gaze away from a computer screen and looked yearningly out of the window on the chaotic streets of Paris.

At that time of day, the city seemed to teem with life, especially in the summer season when many tourists came over to visit the town. You could notice a variety of cultures among crowds of people. They gathered and filled in restaurants, eating and laughing, and chatting with each other.

So how, for God’s sake, did you deserve to be at work today?

The thought of scrumptious spaghetti and a glass of red wine made you feel frustrated. And cloudless, wonderful weather waiting for you outside did not make it any better. You imagined yourself laying in a bikini on the sandy beach with ‘Vogue’ magazine on your laps and Pina Colada in your hands. Or bathing in warm ocean water with sun rays smoothly tanning your skin.

These visions caused a dreamy smile to appear on your face.

However, as soon as you scooted over in a fantasy world, the poke in your shoulder brought you back to reality. You turned your head to the side to see your co-worker and best friend, Chloe. She was crouching next to your chair with her piercing gaze studying your face attentively.

Chloe was a gorgeous woman, and you could easily say that she could break more than one heart. She had big, blue eyes and long, blonde curls falling on her slim shoulders. She had full, pink lips with a Greek-type nose and prominent cheekbones that highlighted her beauty. Her figure was feminine and slender with ample bosom, flat belly, and long legs.

There had been many situations when groups of passing-by boys stopped her in the middle of the pavement, scanning her body up and down with boisterous whistles and comments of a sexual nature. Although you had always tried to stand up in her defense, she never really cared to bother much, just shrugging it off.

“Are you alright?” She narrowed her eyes doubtfully. “You look like a walking dead.”

“Thanks,” you chuckled amused, bitting your cheek. “No, I’m actually fine. Just a little bit dizzy, but don’t worry about it. ”

“For sure? You know, if you take a nap at work, I might be the first person to know about it.” both of you chortled slightly, and you rested your elbows on the armrest. Chloe’s phone started to buzz in her purse. She took it out, muted it down, and eyed you again.

“Anyways. Why are you leaving so early? It’s just four o’clock, and I thought you were ending your shift at eight.” You peeked at the watch on your hand and arched your eyebrow suspiciously at her. Now it was your turn to interrogate her.

“Well, I took a day off,” she informed you. “I’m having a date with Louis today. We meet at six, and he takes me to some fancy restaurant. Of course, he didn’t want to tell me the exact location, mentioning something about ruining the surprise. You know him..” She rolled her eyeballs playfully with a meaningful sigh and an unambiguous smile plastered on her face.

Louis was Chloe’s boyfriend, but also one of your closest friends. You couldn’t say he was the easy-going type of person, and when you first met him, you had presumed his behavior to be a little bit too ‘self-centered’. However, after many years of acquaintance, you had learned that he was rather desperate to drag attention on himself and impress others, with you and Chloe included.

“Lucky. I’m stuck in here for a night shift,” you complained, leaning on the chair's backrest and letting a small groan out of your mouth. It was the third time this week you had to stay at your job for night time. And that wore you out.

“Again?” She frowned.

“Unfortunately...” You grimaced, glancing at your friend with a corner of your eye. “My father hasn’t paid the bills again. I’ve to earn some extra money…"

"Can I-"

"I know you want to help, but please, let's not think about it," you cut the conversation out. Your face started to get warmer, so you lowered your head as not to show your embarrassment. You trusted your friend with all of your soul but still more than felt awkward when it came up with family topics.

Chloe remained silent and smiled supportively, tightly gripping your palm. You appreciated her ability to understand people’s emotions and her tact of how to respond to them.

“I really have to go, Y/N. Call me if you needed any help.” Chloe stood up and went to the backroom of the reception. She put on her coat, wrapping her green bandana around her neck, and then slightly pecked your cheek. She walked over to the exit and, for the last time, turned towards you, waved in the bye, and left the hotel.

You gaped at the place where Chloe had just disappeared, slowly letting out your breath. After a while, you switched the laptop back on and decided to occupy yourself with reading. Clicking on the ‘iBooks’ application, you selected a book - ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’. Maybe, at least that could help you take your mind off things and spend some of your time while visitors weren’t around. You opened the first chapter of the novel, but soon after, you heard someone entering the room again.

Lifting your head, you beheld an elegant woman with a younger boy by her side. You assumed them to be a family, considering their striking similarity in appearance. Also, they distinguish themselves from their surroundings with their peculiarly sophisticated garments and unnaturally pale skin.

The woman smiled at you kindly and approached the reception desk. You got up from the chair and reciprocated the gesture.

“Bonjour madame. Comment puis-je vous aider?” you asked and saw a confused expression painting on the woman’s face. She furrowed her eyebrows for a short moment and cleared her throat.

“Mm… Hello. Do you speak English?” she asked hesitantly with a language accent that informed you instantly of her origin. Many guests of the hotel usually arrived from different parts of the world, which had let you acquire the skill of guessing their probable nationalities.    

“You’re British I see,” you noted, grinning. “Of course I do. Welcome to Paris! How can I help you?”

“We have a reservation under the name Malfoys.”

Nodding in understanding, your fingers swiftly started to tap the keyboard of the computer. You entered in the search engine of hotel’s guests with surname ‘MALFOYS’ and found a booking for two people.

“Could I check your ID cards first, ma’am?” you asked and saw her rummaging in the bag. Meanwhile, you started to prepare every necessary paper for her to fill out.

“Here it is,” she finally stated, and you reached over for the documents. You noticed the woman’s foot nervously tapping on the floor but decided to ignore it.

“Thank you,” you said while surveying everything. “Okay, so - Narcissa Malfoy, apartment number 354 - Presidential Suite. It’s on the fourth floor.” You laid the keys with ID cards on a counter top. “And Dra- Dra…”

“Draco. It’s Draco Malfoy,” the boy spoke up for the first time, and - by the tone of his voice - you could already judge that he wasn’t the friendliest type of a person, to say at least. You moved your gaze on his figure, and your eyes met with his stern glare, which sent unpleasant shivers down your spine. He was sitting on one of the lounge chairs located in the room, twisting a carved stick in his fingers. Quickly realizing that you stared at the object, he hid it in his pocket.

You giggled nervously and shook your head.

“Yes. Draco Malfoy. I’m sorry for my oversight.” You blushed profusely and tried your best to pretend that your pre-momentary blunder did not affect you anyhow. You took a second key from a shelf and placed it next to the first one. “Room number 355 - Royal Apartment. Although, it on the fifth floor, which means not located nearby your mom's one, sir."

“No problem for me.” Huffing, he got up from the armchair and walked over, grabbing the keys. His expression still evinced the arrogance, but now you had a chance to examine his appearance more closely and perceive his unparalleled attractiveness. His platinum hair suitably contrasted with grey irises, and the sharp jawline with his muscular body made your knees weak.

Just great...

“If there is anything you needed, please let me know,” you proffered and forced a smile, wishing it didn’t look so fake as it felt. “I hope you enjoy your stay.”

“Thank you,” said Narcissa, sauntering away with her son following shortly after. You took a last peek at Draco and saw him sending you an unpleasant look before leaving the lobby.

* * *

Narcissa with Draco entered her spacious hotel room. She began to look around the space, smacking her lips in delight. After that, she sat gingerly on her bed and discretely ran her fingers through the bedding set so as to verify its fabric. Draco knew and was accustomed to his mother’s atypical habit of checking the quality of things before using them.

She patted a place next to her, encouraging him to take a seat. He just pressed his lips into a straight line and only shook his head.  

“Draco, let’s talk,” she started, grunting.“I think you should - at least - consider being tolerant of those muggles. I know it is a tough period of our lives, after the war...” Narcissa shuddered at the reference of that event and her eyes filmed over a little. “But it is time to move on. Wizarding World is not going to be this same for many years. That’s why for this vacation, I wanted us to come to the place that could let you dispose of redundant memories and experien-”

“Dispose of memories?” Draco cut her off and huffed, leaning flippantly against the wall. His voice was very tight and harsh.“How do you think I could possibly get rid of them? Maybe Dark Mark on my forearm would help me solve that issue? Or Obliviate spell would be a solution?”  

At once, the blood was boiling in his veins. He didn’t blame his mother for decisions of the past, but he could not stop himself from snapping. A recollection of tortures he had had to perform on others, of tortures he had had to bear himself, of incurred deaths he had seen… and committed. That wasn’t a fleeting thing to forget.

Narcissa took a deep breath and ignored her son’s snarky comment. She decided not to give up with the plan of their conversation for this evening. So and so, he had to finally hear the truth, right?

“I and your father with Greengrass family established that by the end of this year, you are going to propose to one of their daughters.” She gazed at him, partly expecting the next outburst of emotions. Although Draco’s ears began dangerously reddening, she assumed the silence was a non-verbal acquiescence for her to continue. “You do not have to worry about arrangements for the nuptials, nor about other wedding cases. Everything is going to be organized. And I deeply believe that marring one of those beautiful girls might bring a state of contentment in your life.”

Draco gulped down his saliva and fixed his eyes on the floor, his face expressing wrath.

“I’m sorry mother, but I’ve no idea how marrying a person who I’ve hardly ever talked to could make me any happier.”

“Dear, me and Lucius did not fall in love at first sight either. Nevertheless, we accepted the unusual plight that we were put in, and then we got accustomed to leading our new, joint lifestyle,” she explained, carefully choosing her words. “And I am aware that it must be hard for you. So and it was for me. But now, I could not imagine it to be any different.”

“Well then, if you felt this same way as I do right now, please tell me why are you expecting this same from me by imposing the marriage? Why can’t I choose someone to fall in love with?”

Good point. 

Narcissa seemed to be momentarily speechless by his question because there was an awkward, uncomfortable pause for a long moment. Draco sniggered loudly and turned away to leave, but before doing so, his mom’s voice echoed in the room again.

“Love is only a matte-“ she took her last try to argue, her tone rather desperate.

“I don’t care!” he yawped, turning the knob and slamming the door behind him with a violent bang.

Draco headed over to search for a bar where he could abreact the minute-ago conversation. The tension of his body was unbearably upsetting, and his heart was pounding aggressively in his rib cage. His fists clutched tightly, knuckles becoming white and teeth clenched.

Fuck his parents.

Fuck them with their shitty ideas.  

When would be a time for him to be able to determine his own opinions about matters in his life? Or rather, the doubt is - would there ever be that time?

Before he knew it, he found himself in this same lobby where he had been an hour ago. As he walked over to the recently encountered receptionist, he spotted her writing something vigorously on an odd, square box. As to not arise any suspicion, he decided to act casually and hide his enticing interest in this particular... object.

Soon enough, you noticed the blond-haired boy and realized it was the man from earlier. A bump formed in your throat, and you fought a sudden urge to run away. Instead, you just set your phone aside and lifted yourself up, all your muscles refusing to do this same activity for the thousandth time this day (‘Is this some kind of aerobic or what?!’).

“Is there something I could help with, sir?” you asked with a smile, trying to remain calm, which was an exceptionally intractable task in this boy’s presence. Maybe as an effect of tiredness, it was hard for you to compose, but you did not like it a bit. 

“Yes, actually.” At least he took his best effort to be polite. Although a horrible exasperation, as if something pained him, still convulsed his features. “I wondered if there was a place where I could have some Firewhisky or so?”

‘Firewhisky?’ you thought. ‘Is it some kind of British dainty?’

“Well, for sure I haven’t heard of heating up Whisky before,” you joked, attempting to lighten things up. However, his glare gave you a hint he was definitely not put in a mood for such things.“But there is a pub where you could have a drink, sir. It’s on the opposite street, so all you need to do is to cross over a road.”

Draco nodded. "Oh, and one more thing." He reached over to the inner pocket of his sable jacket and took out an ornamental envelope with an old-fashioned red seal on the top of it. "If the woman who I was with before starts looking after me, hand her over this letter, could you?"

You didn't know where an uninvited rush of interest hailed from, but the mystery-insatiate part of your brain screamed out at you to play along with his cards to winkle out more information. "What if she asks me questions? Shoul-"

"Bend the truth. I only ask you to do one thing for me. Don't reveal to her where or when I went. I gave you the envelope and disappeared out of your sight. Understood, muggle?"

You didn't grasp the last part of his sentence; the one concerning --mugel? meagul? megull? -- but you could bet it meant to be an insult. Swallowing your suspicious hunch, you put on a sympathetic smile. "Sure can do, sir. Hope you have a good night out."

"Thanks. Later." And without any other word, he strode away.

[bastillewolf]

The Grand Tranquility Hotel (XIII)

Pairing: Alex Turner/Reader

Summary: An eccentric hotel owner and an inquisitive writer find solace in each other when they both seemed to be at the edge of rock bottom.

Notes: My 100th post! Also, I’d planned on making this one chapter since it’s the last song left on the album, but writing it made me realize it was getting far too long. So, I split it. Hope you’re all doing well. Enjoy!

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list.

@edgythought​​ @iwannabemorethanme​​ @he4rtbre4khotel​​ @juga-42​

Chapter XIII - Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino (Pt. I)

5 YEARS LATER…

 “Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, this is Mark speaking. Please tell me, how may I direct your call?”

“Yes, hi!” She quickly informed him of her name. “I was wondering if I could book a room at your residence? If possible, sometime soon.”

A moment of silence passed over the line.

“O-Of course, madam. It would be our pleasure. Would two weeks from now work?”

“Perfect. I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying. Oh, and I’m bringing someone, if that’s alright.”

“That’s won’t be an issue.”

“And- Could you do me a favour?”

“Anything, madam.”

“Could you book me into room 521?”

“Certainly.”

 She glanced down at her suitcase, taking a deep breath, before slamming the top down and sitting on it to be able to zip it shut. She had packed it to the brim, an unusual habit she’d started showing ever since she’d had to visit random book signings she would only know the location of later during the day. She had spent a while traveling, thus having this quirk grow into something more of a routine.

Her driver had been watching her struggle silently, noting the way she was fumbling with her hands as she put her coat on and nearly dropped her purse for the third time. When she finally looked up at him, he did his best to give her a reassuring smile.

“Are you ready to go, miss?” Matthew asked her. She nodded.

He held the door open for her as usual.

 The building was one she’d seen before on a picture, but only briefly, and she had to admit that she had underestimated the sheer size of it. It was not looming in any way; it was a place you’d walk into expecting to have fun. She could compare it to a billboard; massive, with bright flashy neon lights and something about it that made you turn your head to look at it.

The entrance hallway was decorated with a brightly coloured carpet and simplistic wooden furniture, and it was busy. People were gathered around in little clusters here and there, most likely just having arrived and others meeting up with friends. She was a bit relieved to see that the face behind the counter was not a familiar one, because she still hadn’t decided how ready she was to be in the situation she was today.

“Welcome to the Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino,” the clerk said most enthusiastically. “How may I be of service?”

She tried her best not to pull her nose up at the way he said it, instead opting for a polite introduction. “I’d called the other day; I’d asked for room 521?”

He decidedly blinked at her, before his gaze wandered her up and down, almost as if to check if she was really who she was claiming to be. Finally, when her brow lifted impatiently, he settled with believing her, because he said, “Of course, miss. I absolutely loved your book, by the way. If I may be so bold, would you sign my copy for me one of these days?”

“Of course,” she put up a polite smile, “You’ll know where to find me.”

Matt appeared behind her, lowering their suitcases to the floor. “Sorry I took so long. Couldn’t find a spot.”

“That’s alright,” she muttered, as he eyed the young clerk behind the counter suspiciously.

“Our sincere apologies, sir,” the boy told him, “The hotel is working on the plans to expand the parking lot.”

“Working on the plans? How difficult is it to expand a parking lot?” Matt quipped back, leaving the clerk trying to form a sputtering sentence which mostly consisted of a lot of uhms and buts. He rolled his eyes at the employee, simply reaching out with an open palm. “Just give me the keys.”

“H-Have a nice stay, miss. And to your mister, of course!”

She had no time to reply, for Matt was already guiding her to the elevator with his hand on her lower back. “You didn’t have to be so rude, Matthew.”

“I wouldn’t have to be so rude if they hired better staff at this hotel.”

“He barely said anything. You’re biased.”

“It was the way he was looking at you. I didn’t like it.”

She huffed, hitting his arm.

 “Are you joining me for dinner or are you going to sulk in this room for the entirety of our stay?” she asked as she glanced over herself in the mirror one last time. She’d put on something a bit fancier, having known beforehand what kind of restaurant the hotel housed. Luxury food for the luxury people.

“Those are two big varieties in time,” Matt commented from his strewn-out position on his bed, “I know I’m not joining you tonight, but I don’t know what I’ll be doing for the rest of the week. I’m not a fortune teller.”

“I know you’re not a fortune teller, otherwise you’d throw out some bullshit that you foresee that you will join me in other activities and then it never happens. Just promise me you’ll be a bit more productive. Join me on walks, you can bring out your camera.”

“We’ll see,” he said, as she walked out the door.

 Dinner for one, such a common theme for her during her life. When she lived on her own a while away from her family, she used to enjoy going to restaurants by herself. No one there to chatter her ears off, no one to take her attention away from the delicious food she didn’t have to cook for herself. She’d done it quite often, and still thoroughly enjoyed it.

Especially considering the fact that she had a best-seller book and a lot of people now knew her name, she couldn’t say she’d ever been denied a seat at a restaurant. Up until now, when a familiar man with a frantic look on his face was glaring down at his clipboard, going through people’s names and reservations.

“I’m very sorry, madam, but I’m afraid all of our tables are reserved. We could provide you with complementary room service, though-“ The sound of his voice had died down quietly during the moment he’d looked up at her and recognition had befallen him. His eyes softened momentarily, his hand wavering over the clipboard he was holding. They inspected each other, and both felt a mutual warm blanket of familiarity and respect surround them, as two old friends would.

Though it had only been a few years, he had changed a lot. Not so much in appearance; still sporting the long, curly bush of hair resting on his slim shoulders, which were covered by a velvety suit jacket. It was in the way he held himself. He looked so very much more confident, if not relaxed. The dark circles under his eyes were no longer as prominent as they used to be, and he radiated a hospitality any clerk could only dream of having.

“I could always just sit on the floor,” she said, her lips quirking up facetiously.

Nick smiled warmly at her in turn. “Actually, I think we’ll manage. If you’ll follow me, miss.”

He guided her through rows of tables holding chattering people, most adorned with a crystal glass of alcohol in their hands, seemingly in a state of pure and utter rich bliss. They reminded her of the very people she’d slandered at a particular gathering. She noticed them catching glimpses of her through the corners of their eyes, telling each other ‘don’t turn around, but there’s this-‘ or something of the sort. Because they knew what kind of person you had to be to get into an already packed restaurant.

She loathed them as much as they loathed her.

“Here we are,” Nick announced, pulling her out of her daze. He snapped his fingers, and she’d almost burst out laughing at the comical gesture until a few of the personnel came running through a door, carrying a table and chair, amongst a few other things. And in a flurry of motion, they’d set her in front of the window, adorned her place with the most intricate cutlery and dishware she’d ever seen, and had even poured a small amount of champagne for her to try.

When she’d agreed to the sparkling gold that slid smoothly down her throat and her glass was filled generously, they were gone as quickly as they’d come. She’d barely had time to get comfortably settled in her chair, or even blink.

Nick smirked at her clear state of disarray. She hadn’t changed a bit, and it made him more than happy.

In the time of her absence, Nick had seen a lot of people he’d known change. Some for the better, some for worse. It had hurt him to see it all. And thus, knowing it was her in particular that had her familiar ways rooted so deeply into the ground and still stood tall, made that wave of nostalgia something he wanted to cherish.

“I hope you didn’t have to cancel any reservation for this?” she wondered, “This table has such a good view.”

“Not at all, miss. Only the famous and our regulars get a special treatment.”

“And I am?”

“Both, really,” he replied with a playful lift of his brow.

She snorted, “Not as famous as you’d think, Nicholas. And certainly not a regular.”

“You are a regular to us, miss. You always will be.”

He made her heart flutter, drowning out the initial worry she’d come in with. “I suppose you’re too busy to join me, then?”

“Unfortunately, I am. But I will ask our head chef if he has time to go over the menu with you, and keep you a bit of company.”

She hummed, “That would be nice. Thank you, Nicholas.”

 Her gaze wandered over the many faces in the room, her ears filled with their nonsensical blathering, barely being able to make out the faint jazz band seated on the stage a little end away from her. She glanced down at her worn golden watch; the same one she’d carried around all those years ago. It was time for her medication, and if the time hadn’t told her so, the noticeably increasing pounding in her head certainly did. She plucked the bottle out of her purse, took one out, and threw it back quickly with a gulp of water. They never really worked, but a part of her always hoped they would. It was one of her last options, and even her doctor was getting frustrated.

She noticed him before he did her. And he looked good.

He was dressed in a black chef’s uniform, which looked like it had come straight out of dry-cleaning. Not a spot of grease or grime to be seen, yet his sweaty forehead which he quickly ran his handkerchief over told her he was still as hardworking as ever. Chef Cook, read in a red italic on the front of his shirt.

His blue orbs met hers and held a giddy sense of surprise to see her. He rushed over to her table, ignoring every singly person asking to have a word with him about his commendable food, and didn’t hesitate to give her a tight hug. Everyone who had tried to grasp his attention looked rather appalled.

She pulled back from him with twinkling eyes. “Look at you,” she muttered, “Chef Cook. All professional and organized.”

He huffed, “Professional, I certainly strive to be. Organized? I don’t think that’s possible. Not in my kitchen, at least.”

He took a seat right next to her, provided by one of the same waiters that had set her table up for her. “It’s good to see you again, miss. I’m really sorry I haven’t had the chance to call. It’s been a very hectic few years.”

She shook her head, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Jamie. I can tell how busy you’ve been, and how much it has payed off. It makes me happy to just see you doing well.”

“But it’s not an excuse to not have been able to thank you for what you’ve done for us,” he insisted.

“You would’ve been fine without me,” she waved him off, “The book only gave you a bit more publicity. The rest you did yourselves. Besides, I completely understand if certain… regulations made you refrain from calling me. That’s not your fault, either.”

He held a look of guilt; a similar one she’d seen at another time, another place. “Even if there were, I should’ve just picked up the phone. I just- I just didn’t think you’d want to talk to us again after the last time we saw each other…”

She furrowed her brow in confusion. “Why?”

“We certainly didn’t do much to speak on behalf of your honour, miss. I didn’t have words to describe what I was feeling, and I couldn’t say I was ready to defend you in that moment. And yet I wonder, after all of that, how you still managed to write any good about us lot.”

She placed her hand on his back comfortingly. “You did what you thought was right. I did something awful and have spent the past five years trying to make up for it. I’m only glad you still want to talk to me.”

“How could I ever not want to talk to you?” He smiled, “You’re our favourite guest.”

 They talked about a whole lot. He told her about how he met his wife shortly before the grand opening of the new hotel, and how they’d gotten married in the spring only a few months ago. He told her of how he had struggled with the new position he’d been given, considering it had been a while since he’d had actual staff work underneath him, let alone this many. And he told her of how he’d gotten through the reestablishment with the support of his family and friends, and how he often thought back on the old hotel, which still remained a hidden gem.

She informed him of how she’d gotten quite a few offers on the previous script of her book, though most of them seemingly more interested in the gossip than her actual story. When she felt she found the right company, she’d set the record straight that all earnings go to the hotel itself, which Jamie confirmed.

“The, uh- The boss didn’t want it at first. As you can imagine. But I knew you wouldn’t take the money back, so we had the old bathhouse in the Grand Tranquility Hotel restored. You should come see it sometime, it’s beautiful.”

“I’d love to,” she replied genuinely, “I’d hoped that old ruin would get its life back some day. It’s a place I hold dear in my heart.”

Jamie nodded in understanding. He hesitated, and she noticed the question lingering on his lips.

“Spit it out,” she huffed.

He smiled awkwardly, glancing up at her with his bright orbs. “How’s Matt been?”

She let out a sigh. “He’s been okay. Has been acting as my chauffeur, mostly, though he knows I can drive perfectly fine myself. He’s still looking for a job that holds his interest for longer than a few weeks.”

He nodded, reaching over to scratch the back of his head. “Is he here, too?”

“He is. We share a room.”

“Has- Does he ever mention us?”

She blinked. “No.”

She watched as his shoulders slumped in anguish, quickly adding, “But I know he thinks about you a lot. And that he misses you, even though he’s too stubborn to admit it. It will take him a while to be able to realize what he really needs and wants.”

He didn’t perk up much, but he gave a noise of acknowledgement that told her he’d at least taken her words into consideration.

“So,” she started, “how outrageous would it be if I asked you to make me a cheeseburger?”

He smirked. “Probably be the least outrageous request I’ve ever gotten from a guest, miss. Coming right up.”

 Her walk back to her room was slow, her belly not allowing her to take the long strides she would usually take. Her face felt slightly warm from the buzz of champagne, which she admittedly drank more of than planned, and her chest was full with happiness.

The people she’d been so anxious to meet had accepted her back with open arms, and it was a wave of gratitude and ease that had washed over her since then.

The moment she’d stopped in front of her door and glanced down at her watch, however, was not a moment of joy. She had forgotten her keys, and it was late, meaning Matt had most likely already fallen asleep. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath, rubbing her eyes tiredly. There was no way she was going to bang on the door only for other guests to wake up and file noise complaints. Resting her head against the wooden surface, she thought about her unfortunate circumstance, and wondered how people did that trick with their credit card to break in.

Just as she was about to consider committing a felony, her ears caught the click of a door opening and a pair of feet shuffling until they momentarily wavered.

She met the chocolate brown eyes she hadn’t seen in five years.

Happy birthday, Miles <3

[galactichoneybee92]

Some Improbable Season 5 Headcanons

Fair warning: These things aren’t going to happen. But while I’m obsessing, I sometimes imagine possible scenarios that would be interesting to watch play out. Perhaps a more industrious person would write these into fanfiction however, I am not that person. And so you get a half-assed  Tumblr post about my imaginings. Please enjoy:

1. What happened to the sword? I don’t remember, I just know that it broke and now Adora is unable to become She-Ra (Until she inevitably learns how to do so without the sword as Madame Razz was clearly insinuating was possible to Mara) But I like to imagine that she lef the pieces of the broken sword where they lay. I also like to imagine  a scenario in which Hoard Prime has his clone minions doing recon on the new planet and they find the pieces of the sword. Later, they bring them back to the ship. 

Skip to a scene where Catra and Glimmer are present, perhaps being questioned about someone his troops have heard about called She-Ra, a defender of this planet. He wonders aloud if this She-Ra will be someone he will have to contend with, only to have one of his troops present the broken pieces of the sword. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about anything like that, Sir. I have it on good authority that there is no more She-Ra” (Or something like that Idk how they talk) He smiles, meanwhile Catra and Glimmer poorly try to conceal their reactions. They have both been operating under the assumption (hope) that since the planet survived, that Adora did too. Not knowing that Adora shattered the sword herself, tey are now faced with the horrifying realization that perhaps Adora didn’t make it out of this and that for both of them, their last interaction was horrible. 

I like the miguided assumption that Adora has died, mostly because I want to torture the two of them a little for being butts, but also because often people don’t appreciate what they have until they lose it. Even having “lost” Adora like Catra did, she still saw her regularly. They still interacted, even if those interactions were fighting or exchanging snarky banter. Even if someone hates you (Which Adora clearly doesn’t, Catra, you’re just being self destructive)  that hatred is still a form of ackowledgement- It’s not the same as losing someone entirely. I want to see the two of them (But mostly Catra because she’s my favorite little disaster) forced to face with the reality of Adora’s “death” Especially since in Catra’s case it’s sort of like getting what you asked for and realizing that it wasn’t what you wanted at all. 

I want Glimmer specifically to witness Catra’s reaction to this news as a way of gaining a deeper understanding of the relationship between the two of them. I feel like Glimmer has never viewed Catra as very nuanced, instead just grouping her into a box, labeling it “villain” and calling it a day. Realistically she’s never had any reason to consider any of the layers of Catra’s character but I kind of find it odd considering that Adora used to be best friends with Catra. Has Glimmer really never wondered why? Never thought that somewhere under all the snark and barbs there must be a reason why Adora loved her  was her friend in the first place? 

Lastly, I’m a sucker for a dramatic entrance, and if they think that Adora is dead, they’d never expect her to show up, which leads to self indulgent imaging number two...

2. Sneaky spy Adora. I feel like I am perhaps giving Adora and Bow too much credit here because espionage has never really been their strong suit, but imagine for me if you will a scenario in which they decide to be subtle. The two of them sneak onto Hoard Prime’s ship and do some spy work, trying to decide on the best course of action to take him out and get Glimmer home. This would be a great opportunity to give Adora a much needed costume change and while realistically I know that the whole vibrant 80′s theme isn’t going to allow it, I would love to see her in black. Also something backless, but that comes into play later in part three. This all ties together. I’ve had a lot of time to plan this. 

So they sneak in and while like, peering out from an air vent or something (Idk the make up of the ship ) she is shocked to see that Catra is there too and that while she and Glimmer still snap at eachother and exchange dirty looks and stuff, they are reluctantly working together. I imagine their situation is sort of like, they come out and do various activities on the ship, whatever Hoard Prime deems them useful for, but they are locked in a cell overnight. Adora observes both situations while trying to get the layout of the ship and formulate a game plan.

I’m not going to say that Bow having actual real live pointy arrows made for long distance stabbing would be an advantage instead of his like, novelty prank arrows buuuuuut..... I know that this is a kid’s show but there are other cartoons that allow characters to get stabbed and stuff like, it could happen. It won’t buuuut anyway....

While running around the ship (in a dramatic hooded cloak that covers her face because of course, what do you take me for) and like, sabotaging things and preparing to dismantle this whole operation, Adora runs into perhaps both Catra and Glimmer but at least Catra (Because sorry Glimmer, I do actually like you but like, I’m playing favorites hardcore here) Maybe she helps with something they’re trying to do and gets caught. They don’t realize it’s her but now this mysterious hooded figure is on their radar. And then when the actual attack happens Adora gets her big reveal and it’s super dramatic and they realize that not only is Adora alive, she was the one they met earlier and just. I’m trash for that kind of trope. Really I am. This then leads into the big battle which also leads into point number three...

3. This point is less concrete, but do you remember Adora’s backless number? Perhaps a black halter top of some kind paired with black pants? Yeah? This is why it’s important. When Adora and Bow finally make their move, Bow goes to rescuse the girls while Adora levels her attack on Hoard Prime. Catra and Glimmer are in their cell and hear alarms start going off. They startle, frustrated at being trapped and unable to know what’s happening outside.

 Then Bow shows up in his own dramatic black hooded cloak (He’s very happy to shed it and let his middrift free once more. It’s felt very unnatural) they’re shocked to see him. But like, it works because Catra probably knew that someone would come for Glimmer but it makes since that it would be Bow since Adora is “dead.” Maybe in a previous conversation (During the time in which the two hesitantly began bonding, because you can’t tell me that’s not where this is going) Glimmer expressed doubt that anyone would come for her after she did such a terrible job being queen. Anyway with Bow here, he and Glimmer hug and they make their escape, the three of them, during which someone questions Bow on what’s happening and he just says that Hoard Prime is being distracted.

Why is the rescue mission just Bow and Adora? Idk. Didn’t think that far ahead. Just go with it. Maybe the other princesses are waiting for their cue to join in later. Maybe it’s because there isnt any water or plants in space and they’re kinda useless. Maybe Entrapta will join in (She has to actually, so she can reunite with Hordak and then he has his whole amnesia thing but like, that’s not part of this. That is a seperate post) Anyway the important thing is that they aren’t here at this point. 

So, Catra and Glimmer are confused about who is distracting Hoard Prime and then, there we go. The dramatic entrance. They look and see Adora in her new outfit, mid-battle with Hoard Prime. And like. It’s a hard battle and she isn’t really making any progress on her own, but she’s fighting really hard and well. I feel like people often forget that Adora was top of her class back in the Hoard like, even if she isn’t She-Ra she’s got to be pretty bad ass and whether the show wants to explore this or not, I will.  I have a theory for this that I will expand on in just a bit. 

So they go to join her only to realize that theres like an invisible barrier preventing them from joining. Maybe it’s a security measure made to protect him from attack that she used to trap her in there with him, while simultaneously keeping his minions out. Maybe it’s just because I want Catra and Glimmer to be forced to watch this battle for a bit while Bow tries to disable the force field but it’s mostly because I’m shipping trash and I want Catra to observe two things.

The first is that Adora looks really cool in this new outfit. Also Adora’s hair is down because I like it that way. She has a new sword, one that’s just a sword and not a She-Ra sword. This one is just for wrecking shit. The second is that Adora is way better at fighting than Catra expected and when Catra expresses this sentiment Glimmer just looks at her like she’s fucking dumb and says something along the line of “I kind of assumed you were the brains of the Hoard, but you’re dumber than I thought if you think that Adora was ever ACTUALLY trying to hurt you.” Followed by, “It’s a shame you didn’t return the sentiment.” And then you get this moment of Catra just watching Adora being really kick ass, coming to terms with the fact that Adora never fought ALL OUT against Catra the way she is against Hoard Prime, like, Adora never tried to murder Catra. And then the last part of Glimmer’s statement sinks in and then Catra notices the claw marks scarred down Adora’s shoulderblades. The ones that she put there, because even if Adora never really tried to hurt Catra, Catra sure as hell never held back on her. And then Catra feels like shit because while I absolutely love her to pieces, she’s been kind of horrible and I want her to suffer a little more before her redemption. 

See why the backless top was necessary? Yep. Good. 

Anyway, predictably Bow lowers the barrier and they join the fight. Maybe Adora takes a bad hit and then Catra catches her or soemthing. The two look at eachother, both realizing that it’s been too long since they fought on the same side, but also silently acknowledging how good it feels. This is meant to foreshadow Catra eventually joining the good side permanantly. They all fight Hoard Prime and maybe the other princesses join in, but since this isn’t the final episode  (Maybe like episode 4 or so?) they don’t defeat him. But they DO do some damage and excape back to Etheria. 

5. This one fits in somewhere before the last point but idk where exactly. Honestly it’s not even important where this snippet goes but at some point Hoard Prime reads Catra’s mind. I don’t know if cannonically he can only read his clone’s minds, but clearly I’m not writing for the show okay, this is my pointless headcanon. I don’t even know the context but Glimmer is there too and Hoard Prime, maybe having grown suspicious of Catra’s loyalty, reads her mind and just drags her. He kind of taunts her for beign sad that her “mother never loved you” to which she snaps like “Shadow Weaver is NOT my mother.” And he just tuts and is like “But it feels like she is.”  And then they get to Adora  and Catra says something about hating her and he calls her out on it like, “Hm no, that’s not quite right is it? No, you love her quite a bit” And then he does that villain thing where they’re kind of talking to themself while filing through your thoughts and it’s like “She would be like your sister after all but oh, whats this? Oh, so not like a sister after all.” And he like, puts her on blast for being in love with Adora. And she denies it and he replies with “A shame you don’t actually mean half the things you say.”

Meanwhile Glimmer is there witnissing it because I don’t know if you can tell yet but like, I really want her to have a better understanding of Catra. I want Catra to understand Glimmer too, but I feel like that’s possible without physically dragging the truth from her like.... she’s not in a great place mentally but no one is worse than Catra, lets be real.

That’s absolutely the most self indulgent part of this entire mile-long post and I don’t even know what you’re doing still reading this. But if you were wondering what I imagine going down, it’s this.

All my imaginings end in Catradora, because I am shipping trash.

So like, if anyone wants to write this out just tag me so I can see it, because I’d love to read it. But if not? Totally understandable. I’m more suprised you read it all because it is 100% a  self-indulgent conglomoration of all my favorite tropes, shoved together whether they make sense or not. 

[taeyongtime]

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 thats 125 roses :3 ❤��❤️❤️❤️

i purposely saved this one for last because you, my friend, are big brain 👍125 sentences for 125 roses *slow claps*. in respect of such a big brain move, the following preview is for a hogwarts!au feat. hufflepuff!taeyong and slytherin!reader. i’ve actually already finished it, but it’s supposed to be a joint work with another writer, so i haven’t posted even though it’s basically completed. 

for every “🌹” received in my inbox i’ll post one random sentence of a random WIP i’m currently writing

◆

It is no surprise that the first thing you hear stepping into Hogwarts is a question asking if you were Kim Doyoung’s sister.

Soon after the Sorting Hat places you with the tables of emerald green robes, upperclassmen and students your year flock to your seat next to your brother, who simply offers a smug nod as he begins a spiel of how the family had expected nothing less (old-money purebloods such as yourselves were a shoo-in for the Slytherin House, no doubt about it). Chimes of agreement follow, an occasional joke on how your parents would have reacted if you had been sorted into Gryffindor or Hufflepuff garnering a gasp of shock from the crowd.

Imagining if you had been sorted into Hufflepuff brings about a budding headache and you politely ask for them to give you space to eat, your stomach famished from the long train ride and the sheer conviction to not let go of your purse strings to purchase snacks from the cart that rolled down the aisle every hour or so. Luckily they oblige, and your brother sighs as you dig in, piling your plate high with potatoes, meats, basically a little bit of everything you can reach within arm’s distance.

“You’re going to become a pig if you continue to eat at this rate.”

“Oh, shut up and eat your own food already.”

Doyoung scoffs and picks apart his bread, tossing bit by bit into his mouth. “I hope you won’t speak to any of the Professors here in that tone.”

“Please stop nagging me when I’m eating, it’s annoying.”

A dirty look sent your way, he adds a final word of putting some vegetables onto your plate before leaving to find a different seat where someone would listen rather than provide a rebuttal to his every sentence. Naturally, you ignore his nagging and reach for another portion of potatoes, gravy dribbling down like a volcano had just erupted all over your plate. More meat, more biscuits, you eat until your stomach is at its limit, threatening to implode at everything you had just ingested.

Pushing your chair out, you search the sea of heads for your brother but fail to spot the lanky second year who was all the rage for the Slytherin House. Not wanting to remain in front of all the food and certainly not having the energy to sample any of the decadent desserts, you ask your neighbor on the right for directions to the Slytherin common room, heading out to find the entrance yourself without waiting for everyone else.

“Where do you think you’re going, little lady?”

Turning around, you meet the eyes of the headmaster, his hands clasped together as he waits for your answer.

“I… I think I ate too much,” you begin slowly, calculating each word spoken. “I wanted to look for the way to the Hospital Wing.”

“The Hospital Wing will be to your right. Madam Pomfrey will have something ready for you by the time you get there.”

“T-Thank you… Sir.”

“Next time, find someone to accompany you,” he adds with a knowing smile, “Especially when you have yet to discover the way to the Slytherin Common Room.”

Spooked, you hurry towards the Hospital Wing and endure another bout of nagging from Doyoung when he comes running after hearing from an upperclassman that you had gone to see the school nurse after the feast.

---

Year One is over before you know it, and you find yourself back on campus grounds again once August ends, following your brother off the Hogwarts Express and into the Great Hall to be seated for the new year’s welcoming ceremony and accompanying feast. Once you find a spot along the green tables for Slytherin House, your brother slides in on your right and another quickly fills in the left, the dimpled smile offered your way a sight for sore eyes.

“How was your summer, Y/N?”

“Bo-ring,” you reply in kind, rolling your eyes as your legs kick underneath the table. “You should’ve brought me with you to France, Jaehyun.”

“Next time,” the second year says with a chuckle. “I don’t think you would appreciate the beauty that is Quidditch when you never showed up to any of my games last year.”

“It’s a pointless sport,” you refute. “Chasing a little golden ball in the air while risking getting your teeth knocked out by Beaters? No thanks.”

“You just haven’t seen a good game yet.”

“Shh!” Your brother’s sharp voice hisses in your ear. “The Sorting is about to begin!”

A hush falls over the table as the Sorting Ceremony begins. Just last year you were one of those children waiting in line to be sorted, the feeling of anxiety at your sorting still as palpable as ever as you watch each sortee be divided into one of the four Houses at Hogwarts. A few enter the ranks of emerald, but most make their way to the rich scarlet and gold of Gryffindor or warm honey of Hufflepuff, two of the most popular houses across the campus compared to your very own.

“Really, you’re so yappy whenever you’re with Jaehyun.”

“Okay, Doyoung, go find somewhere else to eat at if you find me annoying.”

“I never said that.” Against your protests, he scoops some peas onto your plate along with some carrots. “Eat some vegetables, you need it.”

You immediately push the vegetables onto Jaehyun’s plate once Doyoung turns his head the other way, reaching for two slices of corned beef and a breadstick in lieu of the empty space next to the mountain of potatoes and gravy. Jaehyun finishes before you and you split half of your breadstick, keeping the left half while handing over the right.

“Thanks.”

“Did you not eat anything on the train?” you ask incredulously, amazed at his second full plate when you barely made a dent in yours.

“I did earlier, but I’m starving now. Haven’t had a bite since they were sold out of chocolate frogs.”

“Pig.”

He oinks in return and you laugh, catching a glance from your brother and ignoring it once his attention is again captured by someone else calling his name. You were used to it by now, the wonder boy that is Doyoung being the pride of Slytherin House since he first set foot onto Hogwarts.

Going to bed early after dismissal from the Great Hall, the next morning you return to the routine of classes, meals, homework, studying for exams, more homework, and so forth, a never-ending cycling of academia that left little room for leisure time when there was so much to do. Not one to socialize much and not at all interested in going to see Jaehyun at his Quidditch games, you spend most of your time in the library when you didn’t need to be in class, the peace and quiet comforting when you wanted to be alone (which was all the time).

Today, you find yourself not in the mood for Potions on such a fine sunny Tuesday afternoon, thus you make your way to the library once you finish lunch, courteously greeting the librarian before scurrying off to your favorite spot by the windows. Madam Pince was stern to all students entering the library, but your frequent appearance last year and diligence in following library rules made you tolerable in her book, hence the blind eye cast when you show up when it was clearly not a time for a student your year to be in the library when there were classes going on. Spreading out your bag and other things to lay claim onto the table, you head over to the Care of Magical Creatures section and pull a few volumes off the shelves. Two hours easily fly by as people begin to trickle in, your eyes scanning the pages of information on fairies, elves, and other creatures of the like. Currently not enrolled in a Care of Magical Creatures class, you ponder on the thought of taking it as an elective next year as you return the books you had just finished reading in exchange for new ones.

After making sure everything was placed back in the correct alphabetical order, your fingertips graze along the spine of each book as you wander down the shelves, eyes locking in on a volume regarding dragons when another set of hands reaches for it at the same time. The physical contact catches both you and him by surprise, neither saying a word until you break the silence as you glare at the black-and-gold robed Hufflepuff who wanted the same book as you.

“Let go, I got it first.”

“I… Go ahead.” He gestures for you to take the book and you do so, letting out a huff of indignation at the audacity after. Mumbling an apology again, he reaches for a book on the upper shelf and you roll your eyes before turning tail to return to your table. Waiting until your Potions class was over, you pack up your things and head to the librarian’s desk, only to be stopped in the process of checking out the book on dragons you had just successfully taken off the shelf.

“The gentleman behind you had put in a request to reserve this book.”

Your eyes meet the Hufflepuff who you’d bumped heads against, a hesitant smile etched across his lips as he points at the book in your hands. “I wanted to tell Madam Pince I found it on the shelf, but then you took it, so…”

“Fine.” You hand over the book gruffly and overlook the glare in Madam Pince’s eyes for your ‘rough treatment’ of school property. “Take it.”

“Have you finished reading it? If not—”

“Take it already.”

You flinch at the feeling of his fingers against yours and quickly pull your hand away, running out of the library without speaking another word. Tossing the encounter with the Hufflepuff out the window, you make your way back to the Slythern Common Room, where a certain Jung Jaehyun bounces up from his seat on one of the leather sofas the moment he sees you enter.

“You missed Potions today, Y/N.”

“Can I see your notes later?”

He nods without skipping a beat, grabbing your hand and pulling you after him. “Only if you come with me to watch one of my Quidditch games.”

“What,” you exclaim, “No, I don’t—”

“One game. We’re going to play right now against Hufflepuff; that’s all I ask in exchange for my notes.”

“Ugh, fine!” Forgoing the resistance, you let him drag you out and towards the stadium, where the stands were already divided to parades of yellow and green respectively. Not sure where to go since Jaehyun was a Beater on the Slytherin team, you inch your way through the lines of already-filled seats until you see Haechan, one of the first years that you knew through Doyoung. Your best friend should have at least saved you a seat if he was going to drag you to watch his game, the nerve.

“Is this spot taken?”

He shakes his head and you sit, accepting the offered pair of binoculars as the game begins. You recognize your brother’s voice over the speakers narrating the events of the game as all you see are broomsticks flying left and right, up down and back again while balls of every shape wiz by, threatening to knock unsuspecting players off their brooms. Cheers and boos simultaneously sounding out across the stadium, the whole ordeal is chaotic and you roll your eyes at how people found this entertaining and worth the time.

“Here,” you begin, handing back Haechan’s binoculars. “I’m going to go back to—”

“The Snitch! Lee Taeyong has just spotted the Golden Snitch!”

A hush falls over the entire crowd and you snatch back the binoculars, intrigued by the sudden overcast of silence. Through the lenses, you spot a lean figure picking up speed while chasing what looked to be a small golden ball. Recognizing him as the Hufflepuff from the library, you watch him zoom around the Slytherin team, ducking just in time to avoid a Bludger to the head. He reaches his arm forward and seals the Golden Snitch in his grasp, spinning to a loop-de-loop and throwing a fist in the air triumphantly with the Snitch fluttering its wings in defeat.

“And that’s the end of the game! Hufflepuff wins, 150 to 40!”

“That’s it?” you exclaim. “End game after he catches that stupid ball?”

“Y/N, the Snitch is worth 150 points,” Haechan deadpans. “It’s the fastest and hardest ball to see and catch out of everything that goes flying around; if the game doesn’t end after someone catches it, we’d be here all day.”

“Okay, I get that, but he caught it in like… just 20 minutes. Aren’t games usually longer than that?”

“Taeyong’s the best Quidditch Seeker at Hogwarts in all of the teams! No one’s been able to take the Quidditch Cup from Hufflepuff since he joined his first year.”

Impressed by the statistics, you aim your binoculars down at the grounds where both teams had landed and were getting ready to change out of their robes. Spotting the Hufflepuff Seeker immediately, you feel your heart grow warm at seeing the wide grin on his face after he made the winning catch, his teammates huddled around him as they lift him up in the air to celebrate another win under their belt.

“Hey, can I get my binoculars back now?”

Snapped out of your trance, you hand over the lenses back to Haechan, admiration growing in your chest for the Hufflepuff who had just quite possibly stolen a piece of your heart after the stellar performance right before your very eyes.

---

The rest of the year spent buttering up to one of the upperclassmen on the Slytherin Quidditch team to learn more about your growing crush on a certain Hufflepuff Quidditch Seeker, you find yourself dismayed that he was a year older than your brother, meaning it would be hard to find a chance to talk to him when the chance to share classes wasn’t possible at all. Yuta had figured it out after two minutes of answering your questions about Taeyong, but promised to keep it a secret after you made a deal to buy him a pack of Chocolate Frogs each time you went to Honeydukes, which was growing to be your favorite place to go to in Hogsmeade after obtaining the needed signature on the permission slip given your third year at Hogwarts. Clearly not in your favor when you went to Honeydukes at least once every weekend, but the emptiness in your purse was worth it if it meant you got to know just a little bit more about Taeyong despite only speaking with him once.

You weren’t the only one who had fallen into the group of people who had “Taeyong Syndrome” (as labeled by your brother), but you certainly spoke nothing of it when most of his fans were from his own house, not wanting to be teased when you were in Slytherin of all houses.

“Professor Slughorn sent me an invitation to a get-together tonight,” Jaehyun says to you one morning at the breakfast table. “Want to come?”

“No thanks,” you grimace. “I’m not interested in your little Slug Club parties.”

“But Doyoung said—”

“Especially not if Doyoung’s going to be there.”

[idi0twizard]

Sunny-Side Up (1)

hm, i’ve never posted any fics before haha

i have other parts planned that i’ll probably post...eventually

feedback/comments/reblogs/likes all incredibly appreciated

Angus Mcdonald was 11 years, 3 months, and 6 days old. He’d calculate down to the very second, but he had other matters to attend to, and just didn’t have the time. He had things to check, crimes to solve, and clues to crack. In his short, short human life, he’d dealt with a lot more than an average 11 year old should, and some days he felt more like an adult than a child. Still, Angus Mcdonald was a kid, and kids will be kids no matter what.

The Bureau of Balance moonbase was an incredible feat of science, and Angus could respect that, but it could get awfully boring living on a fake moon day in and day out when everyone else got to touch back down planetside at least once in awhile. And the Bureau definitely hadn’t been built with any children in mind, even a child as reserved as him, so there wasn’t much around to keep him occupied. So today he decided to do some investigating, or as others liked to call it, snooping. An even more correct term would be “eavesdropping,” and hoping someone had a mystery on their hands that needed solving.  

Sure enough, a mystery showed itself in the form of the Bureau’s sole reclaimers, the uh, Tres something Boys. Perhaps eavesdropping hadn’t been the proper term, since the three (actually, only Magnus) invited him to sit with them in the cafeteria, but they had been ignoring him and speaking huddled up ever since Angus sat down. Their attempts at secrecy were admirable, but their idea of hushed conversation was speaking at room volume while pretending to whisper.

“It's an object just….made of zone of truthing,” Merle said, placing a hand against his mouth as if he still wasn’t just talking as loud as ever, “That’s like...my whole deal, ya know? We gotta find it!”

Taako leaned back in his chair, dropping the pretense of pretending to talk quietly, and stared dismissively at the ceiling, “Sounds like waaay too much effort for Taako. Probably just a bust anyways- count- uh, count cha’boy super out.”

“But Taako,” Magnus cut in, “If it’s lame, we can just lie and make up a story about it and pawn it off for some cash. You’re like, crazy good at that! ...aaand we might need your super cool magic stuff?”

Taako paused for only a moment before leaning back into the huddle, “Okay, flattery's getting you everywhere” he whispered, “So when we going?”

“Um, Sirs?” Angus chimed in for the first time since he had sat down. He immediately had three pairs of eyes on him, all looking like they had entirely forgotten he was there, “Do you..do you even know where this thing is? Or what it's actually called? You’re going to need some leads if you’re going to find it.”

“Thanks Pumpkin, but the grownups are talking right now so-”

“No, no, Ango’s got a point. Do you even know what it’s called, Merle?”

“Uh,” Merle scratched at his beard, his brow furrowing in thought, “The..er..Fab Egg? The Fad Ed? The uhh...”

Magnus rolled his eyes, “Okay cool, so we have no idea what or where this thing is. Taako’s right, too much work.”

Angus’s eyes lit up and he bolted up in his seat, “I can help! I can ask around and see if anyone’s heard of anything like it! I can even look through Leon’s book and see if there’s any magical items similar to it listed to get some clues and-”

“No fuckin’ way, ki-”

“Great, Angus! Can you go do that for us? We’ll start lookin’ too, meetcha back in a hour, ‘kay?” Taako gave the young detective a wink and Angus beamed, leaping from his seat and practically sprinting out of the cafeteria.

Merle huffed and crossed his arms, giving the elf a pointed look, “Why’d you let the squirt help out? We can figure it out.”

Taako smirked and rested his feet on the table, reclining back in his chair, “Less work this way, Gramps. Now all we gotta do is chill for an hour and Agnes will have all the answers.”

The dwarf still wasn’t convinced, but relaxed further into his seat, “Ya really think he’ll figure it out?”

Taako gazed at the door Angus had just ran through, suppressing his grin that threatened to show, “Yeah, he’s got this.”  

Okay, Angus, you’ve got this! Angus had stopped running after leaving the cafeteria, but his pace was still brisk with the excitement of having a mystery on his hands. He began to think of all the possible people who could know about a magical object. There was Leon, obviously, and he was for sure visiting him, but who else if that turned out to be a dead end? Killian and Carey have seen their share of magical objects, but Angus doubted they’d have much knowledge of them or their whereabouts. The same went for Avi or Johann, and Davenport...well, Davenport wasn’t much of a conversationalist. He continued his trek down the hallway while pondering his options, head down and fingers on his chin in deep thought. The Voidfish could know something, but as far as he knew there was no way of communicating with it. Maybe he could come up with a system where it could hum once for yes or twice for no, or motion with its tentacles? No, no, that wouldn’t work…Completely absorbed into his thoughts, Angus ran right into something solid and flew backwards, landing on the ground with an ‘oof.’

“Oh, Angus! I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you alright?” Madam Director was standing over him, her hand outstretched for him to take.

Angus stared up at her with wide eyes, “Madam Director,” he grinned and took her offered hand, “Can I ask you a few questions?”

“Got any fours?”

“Nah, go fish. Merle, ya got any eights?”

“Mmf, yeah yeah. Taako do y-”

Heaving a dramatic sigh, Taako slammed his cards down on the table, “Okay, this chill sesh is boring as hell, my dudes! Won’t- Can’t stand another minute of this, I will die for reals.” The elf stood, crossing his arms over his chest, “Are we seriously gonna let boy detective do all the dirty work while we just play old lady games?”

Magnus stood as well, pointing accusingly, “You’re the one who came up with that! You’re the one who suggested we play cards!”

“Yeah whatever,” Taako waved his hand dismissively, “Had a change of heart or something, totally wanna track down the Fat Eggplant or whatever it is. Let’s go do that before I kill over.”

Merle hopped off his chair and strode over to Taako, “The kid did say there might be somethin’ useful in Leon’s book. Maybe we can go check in with him?”

“Yeah, I do that.” Magnus replied, already heading towards the door. The remainder followed suit, and together the trio made the familiar trek across the quad to Leon the Artificer’s office.

Leon threw out a warm greeting as he heard the door to his office open, but his cheerful demeanor was struck down instantly when he looked up from his book and saw who his guests were, “Oh, goddamnit.” He closed the book and paced around his desk, “You three haven’t been sent on any missions,” He stalked over to stand in front of the trio, “You have no tokens, I have no patience, now please get the hell out.” He glared up at the three of them, eyes narrowed almost challengingly.

“Hey it’s okay man, we’re not here to mess with you-”

“Much.”

“-We just need to look at your book real fast.” Magnus finished, elbowing Taako in the side. Taako elbowed him back forcefully, and the two broke out in a seconds long elbowing match. Merle attempted to cut in and end the spat, but instead got himself dragged into it as well.

Leon made no attempt to hide his exasperated sigh, drawing the trio’s attention back to him and promptly ending their duel, and hesitantly stuck out an arm to gesture towards his book, “Just make it quick, okay? No funny business. I don’t even care what you need it for, I don’t want to know.”

“We’re looking for a truth orb or something,” Magnus replied helpfully.

“Truth egg,” Merle corrected.

“I just said- wait a what?” Leon’s interest was visibly peaked. He returned to his book before the other three had a chance to look at it themselves and began flipping through it’s many pages, “There aren’t many magical truth items out there..hm..ah-ha!” He slapped his small hand down on the page opened before him, “Here it is!”

“Well,” Merle pressed, “What is it?”

“The Fiberge?” Angus was sat across from the Director in her office. The desk between them was hand-carved and looked worn and old compared to everything else in the room, save for the madam herself. Like the desk, the Director looked worn with age, and the wrinkles on her forehead creased when she smiled in response.

“Yes, I believe that’s what it is, given the, erm, vague description.” She shifted a few files she had set in front of her and read, “The Fiberge is a collectible faberge egg that’s been enchanted with a zone of truth spell, or at least something of similar nature. Completely unsurprising that word of it would catch Merle’s, uh, scattered attention.” Angus noticed her focus shift for a moment, her gaze distant and a soft smile on her lips, before turning back to Angus, “We found it years ago on a bad relic lead. It seemed harmless enough so we decided to give it to Leon for the Fantasy Gashapon. I haven’t any idea if it’s still there or not, though.” She returned the papers back to their proper file and slid them into one of the desk’s drawers, “Sorry, I wish I could be of more help.”

“No, no, Ma’am, you’ve helped a lot!” Angus grinned up at the woman with a look of both an excited child and a detective with a lead, “Now I’ve got a name to go off of, and a susp-- person of interest! This has all been very valuable information for my investigation!”  

The Director chuckled at Angus’s enthusiasm, “I’m glad I could be of assistance. Just take it easy, alright? Those three goofs can be a handful to deal with when they set their minds on something.” If Angus noticed yet another change in demeanor, which he absolutely did, he didn’t draw any attention to it. Everyone up on the quad seemed to be fond of the trio of reclaimers at least somewhat, but the Director’s fondness towards them was something else entirely. Angus noticed it constantly; when they visited her office, when they cracked jokes at her or others’ expense, and especially when they returned home from their missions. Her eyes would always light up and the creases of a smile would appear by her mouth, all undetectable by untrained eyes. But Angus didn’t mention it. It was a mystery for another day.

“Oh, I know how they can get, Madam Director. I did spend quite a lot of time with them on a train! I’ll be sure they don’t almost get themselves killed again, don’t you worry!” Angus slid out of his chair and extended a hand over the desk, “Thanks so much for your help! I’m going to go talk with Leon right now.”

The Director took Angus’s extended hand and shook it with a grin, “You’re welcome, Angus. Don’t hesitate to come see me again if anything comes up. And don’t let the boys pick on you!” She called after him as he practically sprinted out of her office. Shaking her head, Lucretia stood and faced the portrait hanging on her wall, longing for her own days of adventure.

Well, they had some idea of where to find The Fiberge, and a pretty good one too. Leon had told them all about it, and with some light threats revealed that the late Liam Kessler had won it a couple years ago. “We’re pretty good at this detective shit, huh?” Merle mused as they made their way through the quad to return to their quarters, “Didn’t even need the squirt.”

“Oh shit,” Taako replied, “I uh, forgot all about him, actually.”

“Do we still want to...go meet up with him? See if he found anything out too?” Magnus suggested.

“Nah, we got this all figured out. Just gotta go do some grave robbing and we got our egg,” Taako shrugged, “‘Less you jokesters are cowards.”

Magnus made a face and stopped walking, “Aren’t there like, mystical consequences over disturbing the dead? Like curses or hauntings?”

“Not worried about that.” Taako responded plainly, continuing ahead. They were well across campus when they heard a tiny voice calling out for them from behind. “Ah fuck.”

“Sirs, sirs! I know what it is!” Angus jogged up to the three, all besides Magnus hurriedly walking away from him, “I ran into the Director in the hall and she had a bunch of files and information about miscellaneous magical items and she told me that it was called the-”

“The Fiberge,” Taako cut in, “Yeah, Agnes, we figured that one out already, catch up.”

“Oh. That’s um, very pro-active of you guys, I’m proud! Well, I’m on my way to Leon’s right now to-”

“No need, kiddo, we already got that covered!” Magnus beamed and pat Angus on the back. The force sent the detective stumbling forward before righting himself, “He told us that Liam Kessler had it.”

“O-oh…” Angus visibly deflated. He had been so excited to help them out with their mystery, but it seemed like they hadn’t needed him after all. He willed his pouting expression down and cleared his throat, “Well, okay, I’ll just, leave you to it then.”

Taako let out a long, dramatic sigh and looked up towards the heavens. Gods forsake his totally generous and bleeding heart, “We might still need your help, pumpkin. We- we have no idea what they did with Kessler’s shit after he bit it. We were, uh, just gonna go check his grave out.”

Angus brightened, “That’s very ill-advised, sir! Grave robbing is super punishable by law, not to mention highly unethical!” Taako rolled his eyes and ruffled the boy’s hair, “I can look into what they did with his estate. Um, if you...if you want me to.”

Merle grumbled to himself for a moment before speaking up, “Okay, kid. Where do you want us to start?”

[wattpadscapcons]

Sir or madam. Those anons broke a rule, and the only punishment was 2 days without asking. They can literally ask again later after my box has been emptied, the time period is already over with.

I've had some of them direct message me about it and they were very understanding about the matter. I can only handle so many asks as a time! So can you like stop trying to start drama over a very clearly stated rule that was on my pinned post in bold?

I don't know why you think it's so bad for me to have rules, but I run my account to my schedule, if I don't have the time to write for these people, then they're still going to be unhappy aren't they? Same with the overloading of asks, if I get too stressed, how am I supposed to create writings that people will be happy with?

I don't appreciate you talking shit about me when you don't even know me. Everyone on my blog is treated the same, just because someone is new doesn't mean they can get away with breaking blog rules. If I made exceptions for people just because they were upset about it then I would receive more backlash than you're giving me right now.

"But you gave them special privileges! Am I not special enough to receive the same treatment after breaking your rules?" These would be the types of responses flowing in if I disregarded my own rules to make sure that the newbies got their asks done after disrespecting me and my page.

People have asked me to change things on my blog to accommodate to issues, like change my bio to make sure that people can read the status about my ask box more easily. I've done it. To change my text colors so that people using dark mode can see, which I believe has been fixed. I have done anything within my power to make people comfortable on my page. And you call me a monster and go on a rant about how I'm a horrible person? How I don't care about the feelings of my anons?

I didn't even feel happy having to give strikes to so many people, but rule breaking isn't tolerated. My pinned post give them the most common issues I get amongst askers and reminds them to check all of my rule pages before making an ask in the first place. If they looked before asking then they would know very well what my rules were beforehand. So you can't use the "Oh I'm new to your blog so I don't know the rules yet." line on me. I've even answered many questions from people who were confused about the rules in general.

Justice for the anons? A blog for them specifically? Your game? Are you sure you're even taking any of this seriously? I could understand if you had just called me out saying that what I did was mean, but you're taking this way too far.

You literally act as if I killed someone or banned them from my page forever, and your post is literally a form of gaslighting.

And I don't have many fics about Pokémon because my askers seem to like Fnf better, which is completely fine. You don't have to read through all of that if you just want Pokémon content, go to the archive and set the # to Pokémon. You don't have to read any content you don't want to read.

Have a nice day.

This isn't the whole message I sent to them in their ask but I forgot to copy the one line I missed.

DO NOT INTERACT WITH HATE! I've already checked and they have had an anon start calling them names already, that is unacceptable behavior! We deal with these kind of situations with rationality, kindness, and understanding only on this page!

That means: Don't think it's ok to be mean to someone else just because they say/do something mean! Everyone has feelings here! If you think that's ok to hurt someone like that then you can stop interacting with me! I don't care what you think! Harassing someone and sharing your feelings are two completely different things people!

I'm so disappointed....

To the 5 people who sent in asks after I specifically put up that my requests box was full, what's your problem? Like I don't mean it in a rude way or anything but I'm like legit genuinely angry.

Scratch that maybe I do mean it in a rude way, because I have the rule every one of you broke on my pinned post! Rule six on my pinned post: "If you send in an ask when my bio says my ask box is full then your ask will be deleted and you will receive a strike."

I thought I had this issue already under control but apparently not. So I am sorry to have to give strikes to the following people:

1. Ghostie, First Strike 2. @lily132 , First Strike

3. @vexellaburr64 , First Strike

4. Sargent Anon, First Strike

5. Incense Anon, First Strike

I really hate this whole situation.

To the others who have been waiting so patiently for your asks to be done, I'm sorry, I've been a bit busy. I'll get to a few today so that should make up for it!

To the rule breakers: Check the archive to find the information you need to know about your penalty. Your status will be updated on the tally page.

THIS SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE AN ISSUE!

[fyrapartnersearch]

The captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign

Hello, this is your captain speaking. We’re currently flying at the altitude where passenger planes can be spotted! One of my co-pilots is starting to disembark before landing, so I am currently searching for a craft that will carry a story on new wings!

About your aviator: My name’s Jaimie. Hi!

I’ve been flying for many years (15+) but more recently have been stationed abroad (Therefore I’m not going to dole out timezones- it scares away the passengers) all you really need to know is that outside of my flight pattern (my hobby) I have a really time consuming job (40+ hours) but fear not! Rain or shine, this plane always makes the trip! My trips are normally good for one ride a day, however, sometimes I’m willing to take a layover if the going’s good.

Age wise, I’m 27. Welp. 

You’ll notice (or not) in the tags, I clicked fandoms. Despite the fandom ‘click’ I will only use original characters (OCs ONLY). 

Let’s go over some air safety rules!

- Noted above, I only write OCs. Please don’t email me about [Spiderman x Deadpool] or whatever the kids are writing now. NO. I don’t want to role-play your fandom! Hope that clears that up.

- I only write as men. I am looking for a MxM role-play. I double often with a vast range of characters (I repeat, I this aircraft serves all kinds!). I respect your want to play any other story, do not email me saying, “I read your post, but I really like writing a female…lol is that okay?” I will politely turn you down and privately share your faux-pas with my colleagues about you not being able to read. So…hope that clears that up… 

- Please be legal age if you want to write NSFW stories. You must be 18 or older to fly unaccompanied by a legal guardian. I am an adult, I would prefer adult themes but I am not above writing SFW stories either. Let me know what you’re interested in…and your age. We can discuss limits should it be needed.

- I like to think I’m pretty friendly, I would love to talk to you! If you want to chat or be buddy buddy, cool beans friend! I’m all for those kinds of words.

- This has been peeving me for some time. Everyone always says, “I usually get dropped because x doesn’t respond/ the story dips off and I don’t know what to write/ I have no time/ I need time to think of a reply/ etc.”

I will absolutely tell you if the story is going nowhere/ let you know if I want to stop/ Can’t write anymore. Please do the same. I will not be upset and respect you more for it. I might even hit you up if you feel like the time might be right at another date. To those who have previously messaged me, please don’t re-message. It didn’t work for some reason, I see you floating around here too. To you, I say good day sir-madams! 

- Lastly, I will provide story prompts and name my character I intend on using. The plotting point of the role-play (not even the writing) is usually where I lose people…I also get the line, “What are you into…I’ll write whatever…You choose…” Well damn. I will choose. Call it, fatigue from the lack of will to be frank about what one truly wants. 

* (Character bio’s in depth will be provided to those interested in the story/character combo.)

The Flight plan (plots)

1. (Fantasy/Sci-fi/Modern) Startop or affectionately dubbed 'ST’ by his small group of companions is a botanist and lover of any kind of plant life. Working in a world filled with something akin to 'scientific magic’ people not only live along side the growing technological industry but also have discovered alchemic answers to the 'magic tricks’ in the world. As a result animal-like monstrosities have been released in this land along with anomalies in the plant life. A glorious haven for ST, he works in an old castle like building, toiling behind 'chemicals’ to enhance plants to better serve humanity. There is a 'slip up’ here and there, but nothing that can’t be swept under the proverbial rug…or burned. The quirky semi-scientist who slums it in a laboratory has never lived a life of adventure in the fantastic world around him. They say he can work magic on foliage but perhaps someone in his genus could strike up some chemistry instead.

2. (FANDOM- Love Pistols Manga) (Notice: if you have no idea what this is, please either google it or over look this prompt). After losing his best friend to another man in South Korea, Leroy is devastated. At the losing end of a love triangle, the heavyweight faces his future back in New York with disdain. The god-father to his secret love’s son and rival of his current lover. Leroy finds little joy in the time spent back home. Everyone is moving on without him and being the heir to his father’s banking company, Leroy will either face an arranged marriage in order to keep the family wheel turning or find someone to replace his previous 'Prince’. It’s tough being an Alligator in such a cold city, but maybe someone can help this reptile warm up. 

3. (Fantasy) Serbian is foremost a sorcerer but a small fact remains that he is also a demon. Demons fall in many categories in this world, some being benign, others being a threat. In this world there are humans and those who are not. Serbian falls into the aforementioned slot, which he is all too painfully aware of. Spending his time with a page held against her will, and a two tailed beast, the demon often finds himself peddling his wares to fellow demons and humans alike, forever on the move, a nomad in a mysterious continent. Yet, the humans strive to rid the world of demon-kind engineering 'aeygles’ a hybrid of human and demon kind to ward of the surmounting threat to humanity. Stifled with a secret hidden within himself, Serbian struggles to live in a chaotic world wrought with danger, aeygles, daemons, mystery, and magic. Will he succumb to the rise of humanity, or help snuff it out before the Aeygles prove to be more dangerous to both demons and humans alike?

4. (Fantasy/Slice of Life/Modern) Thad is a damn good chef. He has hit a low point however and now works in a sleazy part of town, in a run down restaurant, smack between a strip joint and a dollar theatre. This doesn’t get him down however, being a slacker is kind of his thing. When he’s not working, he spends his time in bars, drinking, or playing the bass in a punk band for kicks. The point remains however, Thad is a damn good chef. He has been for over 500 years. Though that’s pretty young in the lifetime of an imp. The world has always had a side not so often seen, and his world is nearly invisible, thanks to the OG monsters who kept things in the shadows. Life for monsters has been changing however, vampires being more lax, werewolves running amok from time to time. Still, despite this low point, it’s but a small bump in the trajectory of his so-called life. He’ll either continue on as he has been for 500 years or be thrown for a loop by whatever comes his way. But that’s the beauty of life. You never know who or what might be coming down the road. 

5. (Fantasy/Sci-fi) On the alien planet of Avis, in the Sol System- a neighbor to old Earth’s Solar System there live a species undisturbed for eons. Despite the lack of communication between others, the Harpee have thrived with their minimalist technologies, living on their harsh, jungle infested planet. Muteo, a young Harpee prince is leery of taking on his mother’s position as ruler of his people. However, with four waring factions between the Harpee, there is a little competition. With the threat of contact from other worlds looming and the choice to follow in his mother’s footsteps- what is the prince to do? Will he choose to explore these 'settlers’ from another world, or to unify his people and fight them.

There you have it folks! Grab your ticket and fall in line, we’ll be boarding soon!

I only role-play through email: franticdant@gmail.com (there it is!)

Please don’t email me with no idea what you’re interested in. If you want something a little different or want to modify the stories in any way, please let me know! I’m all for the change! I am also willing to collaborate on a plot/character IF a decent story has been developed and the need arises to make another character.

[chilly-territory]

Gangsta, BD Special Manga 1-6 text translation

A translation of all the chapters of the special BD LE manga (for info and scans - fuckyeahgangsta’s post)

EDIT: a translation for booklet #5 added.

EDIT2: booklet #6 added

Booklet #1

01 Cliff: I'mma give you what you deserve for stealing my girlfriend, fucking brat! Did you do it despite knowing what family I'm from?! Aah?!

02 Cliff: Just try to get anywhere near her again! Next time, your life's as good as forfeit! Woman: Worick, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! RandomThug1: Hey, let's go already, Cliff. RandomThug2: Ouch! Watch where you're going! Cliff: Come here and let's get going! Gee, you're sure one hell of a slut, too, huh! Woman: S-So what?! It's not like you don't get it on with that woman...

03 Worick: It's not my fault. The woman bought me. Chad: We~ll, not seeing through the fact that she has a boyfriend is your fault though. That's just how it works.

04 Chad: But more importantly, Worick! I told you time and again to stop picking up customers in the off-limits zone! When your workplace, Pussy, gets tipped about your extracurricular activities, I won't be able to cover for you, you know! Worick: I don't remember ever asking you to cover for me though, Chad-san? Ow, that hurts! What the hell?! You didn't have to hit me! Chad: Be grateful I took care of your wounds, punk! Worick: You just went ahead without asking! Chad: Agh! You're really such a brat, I can't even!

05 Worick: How about you just tell me who that shithead's 'parent' is already? Brown haired, a scar on his left cheek extending to the jaw, named Cliff... Chad: Look, you should never start anything with those affiliated with the 4 Godfathers. ---I know you can be smarter than that, Worick. And I really don't wanna hafta clean up your dead body.

07 Guy: Fuck, fuck! What the fuck, dammit! I'm from the Monroe family, you realize?! Think you can get away with this, damn Twili--- Eek! Nic: LoOkin' fO' C'iFf. GuY wI' a sCar 'eRe. CliFf. WheRe iS 'e?

08 Miles: Another one of our people got killed, sir. I think it is safe to assume that it is the doing of the same person who was behind the dismembering of our man the other day. The latest victim also had his nails methodically peeled off. To be on the safe side, I took it upon myself to account for the possibility of the killer being a Twilight and beef up security on the premises. I also requested the Paulklee Guild to dispatch a number of their mercenaries to be stationed here for that purpose. Two of them, of B/2 and B/0 class, are expected to arrive in the afternoon... Monroe: ---Miles.

09 Miles: Yes, sir? Monroe: What was it, in your opinion? Miles: ...What do you mean, sir? Monroe: What do you think devoured them? Grudge? Resentment? Hunger? Pleasure...?

10 Monroe: ---Lately, it was so boring because we didn't have this kind of entertainment. So let's make some bets, shall we, Miles.

11 RandomThug3: Hey, this ain't a show! Mind your own business! Go away! Scatter! Bystanders: Looks like the body is dismembered. / That's so fucked up. / He was a member of the Monroe family, apparently? / No way whoever did this can hope to get away with their life after making enemies of that family. / Just what on earth those responsible for this are thinking...? / Oh well, starting anything with the Monroe family is plain crazy from the get-go.

Booklet #2

02 Cliff(thoughts): Fuck! Another one got killed. Did someone catch on to me selling under the carpet to the anti-Twilight faction...? RandomThug1: Hey, Cliff! It's still daytime, you're clearly drinking too much. RandomThug2: ---Oh. There they come.

02 RandomThug2: The Guild's arrived. RandomThug1: ---Agh. So Miles-san summoned Rin again. This is my first time seeing that woman though... RandomThug2: Hey, hey, you don't know her? Her name's Wong, and she's Rin's older sister. RandomThug1: Huh?! They're siblings?! RandomThug2: Yeah, and they have the rep for doing a good and thorough job.

03 RandomThug2: With them around, guess we Normals get no turn this time, eh. RandomThug1: Hahaha.

04 Lin: Agh~~~~ We're stuck with some real tedious job again this time. Wong: Hold you tongue, Lin. The client is the boss of the Monroe family. Think of it as an honor. Lin: Agh~~~~ You're too serious for your own good, Wong-nee. Wong: Are there any Twilights who routinely visit this mansion? Lin: Hm~~~~~ A guy who does deliveries and a few others running errands for Master Christiano... And also~~~~~ Kids from the orphanage Young Master Monroe supports come to play from time to time. ...Is something wrong, Wong-nee? Wong: ---Well...

05 Wong: I just thought that their smell is a little too strong for a leftover scent.

06 Monroe: ----I smell a beast...

07 RandomThug3: ---Huh? Where did he go? Hey, whatcha doing? It's almost time to swit...

08 RandomThug3: ...ch.... En...

09 RandomThug3: ENEMY ATTAC-...*gurgle*.

10-11 Miles: Sitrep! RandomThug4: Miles-nii! RandomThug5: Miles-san! RandomThug4: We believe we're dealing with multiple invaders! 8 of our men are already dead! All of them had their necks twisted! RandomThug5: We gotta report to the bo---... OneOfTheRandomThugs: ---Eh?

Booklet #3

02 Woman: You sure surprised me the other day when you suddenly asked to see these blueprints. Did you discover an interest in construction? I could hire if you want...? Worick: No, that's not it. I've no interest in that. Woman: ...Eh? Worick: All I wanted was to see the layout of Monroe's residence. ---That won't do, Madame.

03 Worick: You shouldn't reveal your most important client's information so easily...

04 RandomThug1: Wh-What the?! What was that explosion?! What's going on?! RandomThug2: It's in the east wing's armory on the first floor. Stay alert! We've got invaders! RandomThug3: What the hell are the guys inside doing?! RandomThug4: Miles-san! Wong: Master Miles, are you OK? Miles: Forget about me, Wong! The boss' safety comes first! Go to his office on the third floor! Also, watch out for the vents, the attacker is a kid! Wong: Rin is already heading there, I'll be on my way right away as well. (thinks) Tch... There goes my left eardrum, huh.

06 Lin: Look, kid~~~~~~~ You even realize what you have done and who you bared your teeth at~? Didn't your Mommy and Daddy teach you that under no circumstances must you lay a finger on the 4 Godfa... Ouch! Are you listening to me, you damn brat? I bet someone hired you to do this, right? I don't have all day, so hurry up and spit their name alre---

07 Lin: Agh~~~~ What a pain in the ass~~~~~ That's why I fuckin' hate ki... (thoughts) ...Huh?

09 Wong: Rin! Are you there yet?! What are you taking your sweet time for! Where's Boss Monroe...?

10-11 Lin: Sorry, sis. I screwed up...

12 Wong: ...---I see. So you have a deathwish.

Booklet #4

01 Miles: Boss! Are you alright? RandomThug1: Please hurry up and escape, sir! Monroe: Easy, easy, no need to panic so much. RandomThug2: Miles-nii! I'm not finished tending to your wounds! We need to stop the bleeding! Monroe: Well, aren't you quite the looker now. Miles: Why thank you, sir. RandomThug3: This is the second floor speaking! The intruder is fighting Wong in the east hall! Rin is out of commission! We will stall to buy enough time for the boss to escape! Requesting assistance, asap!

02 RandomThug4: Bring what you can from the east wing's armory, too! RandomThug5: Hurry! They're moving towards the central stairway. Hey! Where are you going? That's not the way! Get back here, Cliff! Cliff! Cliff(thoughts): Fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm in deep deep shit! It's me they're after... I'm next on their list! What the hell's going on?! How come the info got leaked?! Did the guys I sold to botch it up?! Assume they did, they're still a group under Corsica's umbrella! No way they could be traced back to me that easily...! I gotta think up of a way to get the fuck outta here, or I'll get killed...

05 Cliff: HIAAH!

06 Bystanders: H-Hey, that sound just now... / They said something about a Twilight intruder earlier... / No way! That's Monroe's residence, for crying out loud. / Should we maybe call the police? / Something's clearly wrong in there. / That's another explosion inside. Worick(thoughs): Yes, run. Run for your life. Come all the way here, to me.

07 Miles: ...*cough* B-Boss, I profoundly apologize. Are you injured anywhere? Monroe: What a bummer. The overcoat I had tailored for me just the other day is now ruined. Miles: I shall see to it that a new one is made for you on the double, sir. *cough* Monroe: What do you think of this, Miles? Just now, it was... Cliff, was his name, right? That naughty boy dabbing in the black market sales that you left at large for the time being? Miles: ...Yes... Only, he sold to the anti-Twilight faction. They would rather die than use a Twilight. Monroe: Yeah, except that kid Twilight is apparently only interested in that Cliff guy. ---But not in my head, despite my being one of the 4 Godfathers...

08 Monroe: ...or hers, despite her being a high level Twilight.

10 Cliff: Eek...!

11 Wong: ...Damn that Rin. Letting a Low like this brat send him to kingdom come. He may be my brother, but that's one hell of a way to be a pathetic loser. You fool daring defile the sanctuary, repent!

Booklet #5

01 RandomThugs: Plug all the vents down to the first floor! / Request the Guild to send reinforcements! / Hurry up with securing the route! / The Boss' escape is top priority! Miles: A samurai sword, huh? Quite the morbid taste, I have to say. Only the Raveau couple from the 1st street and the Guild could possibly carry a weapon that specialized... Monroe: ---No, that’s not quite so. (thinks) What a beautiful blade.

02 Monroe: It makes me want to have a chat with the person who polished this up. PoliceOfficers: Make way! Make way! The police coming though! / Chad-san. Chad: Make the onlookers back off farther away! So what's the situation inside the Monroe residen---

04 Wong: ---Agh. Ugh. Gha..h. Downer... Why... a stray brat... has... injectors... ...A Low... like you... I won't lose... to some... Low...

05 Wong: AAAH!

07 Cliff(thinks): I'm done for. No way I can do anything against a monster like that. Gotta ru---

08 Worick(flashback): Stupidly huge adults are who you'll be up against. So once you get in through the vents, you as good as won.

09 Worick(flashback): But make absolutely sure you don't kill Daniel Monroe. There'll be hell if you do. As long as you bring that Cliff bastard to where I am, your mission is accomplished. ---And hey...

10 Worick(flashback): Don’t overdo it like that time, monster [furigana: Nicolas].

12 Worick: ---Took you long enough. I even ran out of my smokes.

Booklet #6

01 Monroe: Haha.

02-03 Monroe: Miles. I want them. I want this thing's master.

04 Worick: Siiigh. The mansion is now in shambles. And a lot of Daniel Monroe's precious men died. All because you went and beat up a random kid you knew nothing about, over one unfaithful broad. And then his Twilight friend came to get revenge. So...

05 Worick: ...what do we do now, Cliff-san? Chad: Worick, you...! What were you thinking?! And after I expressly warned you not to get involved with him, too! This is how you want to repay your debt to Big Momma for taking you in?! Monroe: ---I see, so that's what's going on here.

06 Monroe: Geez... You sure did a number on us. Thanks to you, we now have all this extra work we could have done without. Miles: Boss. Monroe: Oh well, it was a good exercise for my rusting body. Ooh, oww. Chad: Da-- Cliff: Eek! Monroe: Don't worry, Chad. I'm not dead yet. ---Well then, pet owner-kun.

07 Monroe: As embarrassed as I am to admit it, your little doggie managed to scratch none other than one of the Four Godfathers. Doing that for a petty reason that you mentioned would do you no good, but you... What exactly did you want to accomplish by being here in person? Cliff: ...I-It's this brat! It's him, Boss! He's the one who murdered our members! I schooled and warned him, but he's not satisfied with killing all my buddies! He went after the whole family, siccing that monster on us...! Monroe: ...Is what he says. Is that true?

08 Worick: ...Yes. Well, the gist of it, anyway. Chad: Wori--! Worick: You don't need someone like him anyway, no? A pathetic loser who kicks up a fuss over one broad and shouts the place he's affiliated with loudly for all to hear.

09 Worick: And to boot, sells your family's goods behind your back to the anti-Twilight groups just to make some petty buck for yourself. A worthless shit is what he is. ---That's why I decided to get you rid of him. Although my dog apparently still lacks discipline a little. ...And I apologize for that. Cliff: Y-You fuckin' brat!!! Stop with your fuckin' bull--

10 Cliff: --shit.

11 Monroe: ---Alright, apology accepted. I've taken a liking to you. Starting today, you two are mine. Become my shield, serve my family...

12 Monroe: ...and I will give you two a place to belong.

[boozedancing]

G-LO: Well, you did it again! A red-eye flight from LAX to JFK on Tuesday evening, an afternoon of eating and drinking in Midtown Manhattan on Wednesday afternoon followed by a 4 hour Kosher BBQ and whisky event in Battery Park at a little thing called Kiddushfest – World of Whisky, Brews, and Que, post-event whisky and cocktails at The Dead Rabbit, a MASSIVE slice of artichoke pizza in the West Village at 1AM, 2.5 hours of sleep, and then a 9AM flight from JFK to LAX on Thursday morning. What’s your secret???

AK: We can sleep when we’re dead. Or at work. The thrill of the whisky festival chase gets the adrenaline flowing. So we chase. And chase. And chase. Oh, and the thought of seeing you was a huge thrill. Zzzzzzzz…

G-LO: WAKE UP! No sleeping on the job!

AK: I’m awake now! Jeez! That was my good ear you were yelling into.

G-LO: And yes yes, whisky festivals always get the blood pumping. Though as we’ve said before, it’s less about the actual whisky, and more about the opportunity to see friends. Whisky is THE excuse for all of us to get together. It’s a catalyst for chrissakes!

AK: Oh, indeed, we’re surely at the point these days in our whisky journey to admittedly care more about the people we see, the sights and sounds, and the food. Cask Strength GlenOak 12 “The Overly Ryed Series”,  Single Barrel Old Whipper Snapper 18, and similar mean less now after realizing that all are overpriced, pretty horrible, and unnecessary. Whereas the friends we see at these events are none of those things.

G-LO: Whipper Snapper 18? I must have missed that one. I really should pack my reading glasses when I go to these things. I’m really glad you mentioned the food by the way! The NYC Jewbilee always took the food really seriously, so even though they’ve been mothballed for an undetermined length of time, I was very VERY pleased when we broke the news that their caterer, Ari White of The Wandering Que, was launching Kiddushfest to take its place. Mmmmmm….. BRISKET!

AK: Did someone say Brisket?  Mmmmmm…I so gloriously recall Jewbilee II that we attended at the West Side Jewish Center in Midtown Manhattan. The Center was packed with people. It was packed, hot, and sweaty. I didn’t know anyone except from this thing called the internet. For all I knew, you were were a 5’ 8” blonde bombshell in 8” stilettos and fishnet stockings. Boy, was I wrong! I was scared beyond the capacity for rational thought. But I was also overwhelmed by the smell of whisky and cholent. I felt like I was in my grandmother’s house in Inglewood, CA. All the fear left my body as I waited in line for Ari’s delectable offerings. My head basically exploded. Then my stomach. I might have the order wrong.

G-LO: Explosion is an ugly (and messy) word. How about if we describe your experience at the outstanding Jewbilee II as a food and whisky-gasm? Much more appealing, and a little naughty too. In a nice way. The tagline for Jewbilee II should have been, “Leaves you satisfied and yearning for more…”.

While Kiddushfest was built around the same framework as the Jewbilees of Yore (that sounds like the name of a new BBC mini-series, no?), going from the West Side Jewish Center and Studio 450 (home of NYC Jewbilees III through VII) was quite a big change. We went from the hustle and bustle of Midtown Manhattan and the monolith that is Penn Station and Madison Square Garden to the just slightly less hustley and bustley area of Battery Park. In a way, we went back to the beginning, i.e. back to where the first settlements of what was once called New Amsterdam took place.

AK: Found this in my research (i.e. Wikipedia) on the origins of Battery Park as a public space in the 1840s:

Proponents said that the park would serve three purposes: abetting good health, improving the behavior of the “disorderly classes”, and showcasing the refinement of the city’s elite.  

Well, my brand of public policy and civic benefit clearly believe that Kiddushfest is a great example of all three of those. Ok, maybe not the second one and the third one is kind of iffy but I’m sure we’re in way better health after the event. Who doesn’t feel better after a night of whisky and BRISKET?!

G-LO: While I can’t speak for you and your delicate constitution, I can speak for my very robust, Sicilian constitution, and let me tell YOU, I felt fan-freaking-tastic after Kiddushfest! I am quite confident in saying that the heady mix of yummy vittles, bottomless pours of The Water of Life, and delightful company in a picturesque waterfront location left me feeling refreshed and ready to take on The Town. Ok, so maybe not the WHOLE town, but I was definitely ready for a couple cocktails and some late-night snacks. And speaking of yummy vittles, you spent quite a bit of time speaking with the orchestrator of said yumminess, i.e. Sir Ari White! What was that all about?

AK: First off, my constitution is as robust as anyone!

Narrator: It wasn’t.

G-LO: Who was that???

Narrator: This was true. He was clueless.

G-LO: OK, that’s just freaky. I’m feeling like the Priest in Season 2 of Fleabag right now whenever that 4th wall was broken!

Narrator: But not as freaky as this blog.

AK: I’m forging ahead, pretending it’s one of the many voices in my head. Where were we?

G-LO: Ari White and The Wandering Que.

AK: Sounds like a band I’d like to be in. Talking to Chef White about smoky heaven. He can get all bbq nerdy or meaty egalitarian with ease. I’ve been nerding out on The Gospels of Aaron (Franklin) and Steven (Raichlen) as of late, trying to change my life, and make the perfect brisket on my Weber Kettle. Talking to Ari is another step in the process. And from a whole different angle since he cooks Kosher meat. But let’s not get too deep in the coals.

G-LO: You and your goddamn Brisket! I’m still holding out for an invite to the next West Coast Office Brisket & Whisky Fest. Bastard.

AK: First, it’s G-d damn Brisket. Let’s be respectful, you heathen. And second, my table always has a place for Elijah the Prophet, Scarlett Johansson, and you.

Madame Skiver-Barton enjoying a smoke and a whisky.

G-LO: I only heard bits and pieces of your Q-chat with Ari. While you two were talking, I was also listening to the Whisky Advocate peeps (Susannah and her Minions) discuss some stories that they were working on. I may be an eavesdropper, but I ain’t no multitasker! Especially when it comes to listening to two conversations at the same time. Tell me more about this Que-chat with Ari.

AK: Oh, we chatted about pink butcher paper, Aaron Franklin, wood, smoke, bark, cooking for a large group.  You know, regular stuff. Probably the same stuff Ms. Skiver-Barton was going on about. You know how she is. She gets rolling on a topic and before you know it, you’re in the North Carolina weeds lost amongst the sycamores and fist-sized bugs wondering where the nearest fillin’ station is.

G-LO:  Please, don’t even get me started on that Skiver-Barton woman. You know how it goes with those hyphenated last name people. Trouble with a capital “T”! Yes, I know that rhymes with “P”, and that that “P” rhymes with pool. But this ain’t River City, Pal! And we’re not talking about starting a marching band for wayward youth. We’re talking whisky and BBQ! And Madame of The Hyphenated Last Name most definitely knows her way around a North Carolina BBQ pit and a whisky distillery, so yes, we were most definitely in the weeds that night, but thankfully, the bugs weren’t so bad, and they were nowhere near fist-sized. What the hell were we talking about again???

AK: There may be nothing scarier than a hungry Susannah Skiver-Barton (aka SSB or Super Sonic Barton for short) waiting in line for brisket. The stomping of sensible shoes was surprising, I must say. I expected the drooling since I was too and, to be factually correct, we were standing by the door to the kitchen with the wafting of barbecue coming our way. Who wouldn’t drool? C’mon!

G-LO: Drool is such an ugly word. It’s right up there (or right down there depending upon your perspective) with moist. I prefer to say that our mouths were watering, and that the brisket was juicy and delicious. You know, cause it really was!

All this talk about brisket is making me hungry. Again! Let’s talk a bit about the whisky. Thoughts on the selections? Was there anything that really tickled your fancy? I mean, I certainly wasn’t gonna tickle your fancy! There’s a Mrs. West Coast Office for that bit of funny business.

AK: You’re such a tease. Well, we knew that Ari’s food would be A+ and it was! I might have had a couple of helpings of brisket. Only my tailor knows for sure. But we had no idea (at least I didn’t) what the whisky offerings might be. Seeing Señor Joshua (née Jose) Hatton downstairs manning the IMPEX-JVS booth made us muy happy. Kilchoman, Port Askaig, Penderyn, and Single Cask Nation offerings!  Woohoo! There was one table that was confusing. Port Ellen, Laphroaig, old Macallan and more!!! Butttttt….that was for some kind of raffle that I didn’t quite understand. There was also an odd table of some spirits from Gardena, CA(!). Now this intrigued me if only because Gardena is where this chap started out in life. Who knew the little bedroom community has a distillery? Or does it? We need to research.

G-LO: I am most definitely a tease. I’m the teasiest tease that ever teased. You know who isn’t a tease? Señor Hatton! He’s no tease. He aims to please. He brings the whisky AND delivers one hell of a hug! While he and IMPEX-JVS definitely delivered The Goods, I gotta say, there were some significant holes in the whisky selections when compared to the last Jewbilee we attended. Wassup with that, Bro?

Joshua “Yo Yo Yossi!” Hatton of Single Cask Nation, IMPEX-JVS, and The One Nation Under Whisky Podcast

AK: Upstairs at Battery Gardens… did we mention where we were for this shindig?… there were plenty of spirit tables. Well, about 20, I’d guess. Mostly names we knew but definitely some unfamiliar ones like the tequila table whose name escapes me. It was great to see Laws Whiskey House from Denver. I love their Rye. Señor Hatton turned me onto them at Jewbilee in Chicago-bang bang. And who doesn’t love Compass Box? Corsair had a table too. But I was hoping for more Scotch names. My guess is that it’s hard starting up a new festival and getting commitments from brands to attend.

G-LO: You’re right! We did NOT mention the venue. Battery Gardens was the name. Battery Park is where it’s at. While I definitely enjoyed what was on offer, I can’t help but be a bit chagrined by what wasn’t there, i.e. Ardbeg, Laphroaig, Glenmorangie, The Balvenie, Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, Lagavulin, Talisker, The Glenrothes, and many many more. I’m sure you’re right about the difficulty in getting brands to sign up for a new event, especially in a hyper competitive markets like New York where they’re constantly doing promotional work. I also think that part of the problem stems from the fact that whisky is HOTT (that’s right, HOTT with two Ts!) right now, so well known brands probably get less impact from events like this. On the flipside, there’s no shortage of new brands out there, so if you can’t get the established brands, why not go for the up and comers? Speaking of up and comers, it was neat to see the Heaven’s Door whiskies at the event. While what I tasted from them was pretty good, it’s the artwork on the bottles that really blew me away. Me likey the pretty shiney packaging!

AK: I’m no Bob Dylan fan, but the artwork on his Heaven’s Door bottles was pretty cool. And yes, H-O-T-T, Baby! That’s what whisky is these days. And I’ve seen the lack of brands at shows here in LA too. It’s depressing. I was at show and there was a winery with a booth. They were pouring a wine that had rested in a bourbon barrel. That might be stretching the product definition a wee bit. I think for Ari & Co. it will be an ongoing effort to bring in bigger names, and if anyone can do it, he can. I can’t imagine the logistics of putting on this type of event and all the tentacles that need slaying.

G-LO: I’m sure it’s a royal pain in the ass to get brands to sign up, and if anyone knows from royal pains in the ass, it’s me. Mostly cause I am one. Kudos to Ari & Co. for fighting the good fight and making our NYC Whisky event in June dreams come true! There’s definitely room for improvement with regards to the whisky selections, but I’d say he nailed it with the venue, venue location, and food. And with regards to the food, I know we talked up the brisket quite a bit (and deservedly so!), but I gotta admit, the Kosher fish dishes on the ground floor were nothing to sneeze at! Love the Salmon Pastrami, and a few of those herring dishes were quite delicious, especially the one with the Israeli spices. Molto molto buono!

AK: OMG!, as the kids say. The smoked salmon and herring from The Rebbe’s Choice. Can I just roll around in that stuff for 7-10 days with crackers nearby? May G-d bless us all with this on our plates. Baruch HaShem. I believe you speak of the za’atar spices which are a must for the home or office. Ask for it by name. Accept no substitutes.

G-LO: You know what would be awesome? Getting Ari’s perspective on this whole Kiddushfest thing which he is definitely turning into #AThing. Do you think two can-do guys such as ourselves can make that happen?

AK: Let me wave my magical barbecue tongs…POOF!

G-LO: Wait… Magic??? I thought magic died when Claudia Schiffer and David Copperfield broke up. Tell us more about these magical barbecue tongs of yours. Can they make a perfectly cooked smoked brisket appear at any time? You know, the kind with the perfectly burnt, burnt ends, bark, smoke ring, and juicy center. Can they also make pitchers of sweet tea and bottles of vintage Port Ellen appear? If so, work your magic, Mr. Blaine, and make that Wandering Que interview magically appear before our eyes! Are you an “Abracadabra” or a “Hocus Pocus” kinda conjurer? Or do you just let your hands and those tongs do the talking? You know, like a Marcel Marceau type. Friggin mimes.

AK: Jeez, I wanted Teller, and I get Penn. Chill, Houdini!  Wait for it…

Fade to wavy visual with eerie piano music…

We spoke to organizer and master barbecuer, Ari White, via e-mail on various topics including Kiddushfest, event planning, the Jewish side of whisky festivals, and barbecue!

AK: Ari, great event! We were excited to be there for the first one!  How did Kiddushfest come about and what made you decide to jump into the whisky festival world?

Ari White (aka The Wandering Que or TWQ): Going back 11 years, my wife Gemma and I threw our first Kosher whisky festival which grew into a series of catered paired Whisky Dinners, Burns Suppers and the like around NYC.  I first met Mark Gillespie at our first one (click the following link and listen to one of Mark’s early podcasts:  http://whiskycast.libsyn.com/whisky-cast-episode-134-march-2-2008) where a young newly married me gushes while my blushing bride talks about her grandfather rubbing her teeth with whisky (swirling a Straithisla ’64 in her glass). The events were high end, pour lists epic, and locations varied. It was within the midst of those early whisky dinners that [Whisky Advocate magazine’s] WhiskyFest made their fatal move, and we were connected to Joshua Hatton in Single Cask Nations’ infancy. It was love at first dram, the rest is history.

Editor’s Note: Whiskyfest was held on a Friday night in New York City back in 2012. Since this is the beginning of the Jewish Sabbath, many of the local Jewish community could not attend. Single Cask Nation saw this as an opportunity to bring a high-quality whisky festival to the New York while not excluding the Jewish community by having their new event – Whisky Jewbilee – on a Thursday night initially.

AK: For sake of conversation, let’s assume you’re a whisky drinker (HA!), when did you start your whisky journey?

TWQ: I grew up down in the West Texas town of El Paso. Cheap Mexican beer and tequila were the wet nurses of my youth. In college, my horizons expanded to include bourbon, based more on price point then pomposity, I reckon. At 23, passing through the World of Whiskies in London’s Heathrow Airport as newlyweds, we were tasked with spending a £100 note on our first bottle. The statesmanlike salesman named Michelle spent an hour (at 8:00 am) sampling with us before we settled on a 25-year-old Glenmorangie for 75 quid (he called it a “lady’s dram”) [and] leaving room for a Glenfarclas 17 to boot. He gifted us a leather-encased flask that I still carry for kiddush on Shabbat today.

We called East 109th Street our home back then, across the cultural divide left behind at 96th Street. South of that border, Shabbat and Hashkama [morning prayers] Kiddushes at Congregations Orach Chaim and Kehilath Jeshurun [on New York’s Upper East Side] never ever disappointed with pours the likes of Springbank 33’s, Port Ellens, and countless single barrels of all ages every single week after services, maybe a few times in between, who’s to say?!

AK: What’s your go-to dram?

TWQ: Asking for a go-to dram is like saying what song do I like on the radio. Punk rock of young Kilchomans do me pretty right. With that said I’ve got a finger of Tamdu 001 left as I finish this second question.

AK: Putting together any large event like a wedding, bar mitzvah, or whisky festival takes a lot of planning. After three b’nai mitzvahs in my house, I know! Tell us about your plan of attack for Kiddushfest.

TWQ: Large scale events is what we do, day in and day out, year-round at the Wandering Que and for the last 13 years under Gemstone Catering. The logistics of this beautiful Hudson River waterfront beat the crap out of what we had to go through the last half-decade pulling off Whisky Jewbilee at Studio 450’s penthouse and its one service elevator.

AK: How did you assemble your team and the roles that they played?

TWQ: The team assembled itself when friends and industry colleagues alike stepped up to the plate offering their help in everything from vendor hunting and social media marketing, to day of ticket check-in, and swag bag assembly. It takes a village. With way too many to name, I’d be remiss to not mention Ari and Leah Cohen who just went way above and beyond any level of normalcy to make the evening a success.

AK: Whisky Jewbilee became iconic as a hardcore whisky-centric show. Your amazing food only added to the festival’s high regard in the community. We’ve been to many expensive festivals with pretty sad food offerings that leave us…hungry! But the boys of SCN (Jason and Joshua) have “moved on” from it, leaving a sad void in the festival world. Why do you think Whisky Jewbilee succeeded and how do you see Kiddushfest filling that void to the whisky community?

TWQ: The Jewbilee made everybody happy. The vendors loved the exposure to a knowledgable purchasing market segment that based a year’s purchases on to what they would be informed of that night. The kosher crowd loved access to events of that caliber where they could drink AND eat everything making a $100++ ticket price easier to wash down. #BrisketChaser. The food was always just the hook; it was the bonus of putting on our own festivals. Bless Joshua. The guy is a vegetarian and still enabled my brisket and sausage debauchery every year.

What really set the Jewbilee aside in my book was the accessibility to the brands and their ambassadors in comparison to all the larger or more established festivals already on the circuit. Our crowd was always engaged and curious rather then just on the road to drunken dipshittery. The venue was iconically NYC with 360° rooftop views and cigars to boot.   It became the best bang-for-the-buck kosher event in NYC hands down and even when everyone laughed at the Jewbilee for moving to the middle of the summer, nothing could stop us from selling out year after year. I knew we were doing something right when over a third of our tickets were being sold to non-Jewish Kosher keeping guests. It put us nose to nose with the biggest festivals NYC has ever hosted. [With Kiddushfest] even with a space expandable to over 1,000 guests, we are totally set on keeping the size approachable and mob mentalities at bay.

AK: Jewbilee was created as a whisky festival “by and for whisky geeks”. It was an event that whisky brands wanted to be at. What’s the strategy for Kiddushfest to get those names to attend in the future?

TWQ: This was by far and large our biggest challenge this year. With a glut of new festivals popping up every year in both the non-kosher and kosher food scenes, I totally appreciate many brands’ main challenge is choosing which ones bring back the best ROI. Any hope that my involvement in the Jewbilee from its inception would guarantee the same excitement was quickly dashed. With a new location and new name we were on our own and starting from scratch. There were enough vendors excited to not lose this summer event that we had some great momentum from the get-go. With 12 months to plan next year’s Kiddushfest rather then the 12 weeks we pulled the last one off in, I’m excited to say we’ll fill all 40 brand tables with 15 more breweries and ciders outside.

AK: I’ve yet to use the words “Kosher” and “Jewish” (but YOU have!). They are important in the discussion, especially for an event called Kiddushfest. Tell me how you see the cultural and religious aspects to the festival, and your thoughts on bringing in a wider audience.

TWQ: There is a rogue element within the observant world that get together for a quick dram on the Sabbath. They get together between and sometimes just maybe during the prayer services. On the one hand, they often catch flack for the time and place chosen for these rendezvous. On the other hand. they are for many of us, the one short chance to catch up with old and new friends with or without a Highland Park and piece of herring. No different then the Kiddush Club #safespace we built at the Whiskey Jewbilee, Kiddushfest was very [much] modeled around the same Sabbath-like setting complete with Smokehouse cholent, potato kugels and yapchik (mind-blowing, look that one up)  [We did…  https://www.kosher.com/recipe/potato-flanken-kugel-yapchik-6966]. We aimed to create an environment where friends could get together, without ditching the family or Rabbi’s sermon.

I wouldn’t call the festival a religious one. I do hope that the values that we have tried to embrace show with this [festival] bear fruit.  I am proud that we were able to raise $4,000 that evening for our two charity partners.  I can’t imagine too many other whisky festivals where a group of 50 guys would go outside at 9pm past the cigar bar and riverside cabana facing east to pray Ma’Ariv – the evening service – before diving right back in for the last 30 minutes of the show. Cholent [Jewish comfort food] is the original melting pot, [and] it fits the NYC scene just fine. I love that we have had such large numbers of women attendees and was thrilled with the large groups of non-Jewish guests as well. I hope it means we are doing a few things right.

AK: Let’s talk barbecue. It’s obvious that this is your happy place being from Texas. Barbecue and Kosher are generally not words you hear together too often!  How did you get into it? How did The Wandering Que start? How many events do you do in a year?

TWQ: Shit, Hoss, that’s a horse of another color! Wood smoked BBQ is like home for me, and moving up to NYC all those years ago I got homesick. There wasn’t so much as a lick of smoke in anything they were calling BBQ up here 10 years ago in the kosher world. I’m glad to say those days are done with the fires of southern cooking burning low and slow everywhere. Having grown up in a town without any kosher food (way before the days of Food Network), I am fortunate to play Johnny Appleseed traveling around the Tri-State, smoking up one community at a time before hitting the road to do it all over again. We cater well over 100 events a year with our BBQ and Charcuterie products now going into supermarket and gourmet food stores all over the country. Throw in five kids under the age of 11.  Sleep is highly overrated.

AK: You were in Philly the weekend after Kiddushfest. The Wandering Que travels!  How do you take your show on the road?! Do you have a food truck type of set-up?

TWQ: I do have two offsite BBQ Setups and teams. One is based around a 7,000 lb. 18′ offset stick burner BBQ pit by Gator Pit in Houston Texas. The other is our new 28′ BBQ Concession Trailer which is a little more closely related to a food truck, just minus the truck part and 3 times the size with an 8′ porch sporting a two ton Hog Cooker from Bubba Grills. And we have spent the last two years installing and building out my new kitchen to operate an Oyler 1300 by J&R Manufacturing in Mesquite Texas. It has an 1,800 lb capacity and runs entirely on burning wood. It’s a game-changer for me and by the Grace of God, I get to turn it on for the first time in 10 days after our final inspections by our local Departments of Building, Fire, and Health.

We travel far and wide hitting street fairs, music festivals, [as well as] private, corporate, and charity events. I run out of china at 700 people and we have served as many as 1,500 over a six-hour service. My pit crew and team are hardcore and I would be remiss (again) to not mention Samba, Joe, One-Stop, Lala, Mario and the STAR-K for being the real superheroes that make really make the magic happen.

AK: Last question for the barbecue nerds: What type of wood is your wood of choice?

TWQ: My favorite wood to smoke with is Pecan leaving me plum outta luck up here. We generally burn oak, cherry, and maple. I love any fruit wood I can get my hands on.

AK: So Kiddushfest #1 (or Echad) is in the books. The gates are closed! How do you think it went? What are the areas you’d like to work on for Kiddushfest #2 (or Steim)?

TWQ: The night’s early piss poor weather forced us to abandon the outdoor space and reset everything upstairs to include the dozen booths and our entire Wandering Que food station. [A] logistical nightmare I’d love to circumvent next year with blue skies, please. With that said, the venue was stunning and [we’ve been] invited back next year already where we are shifting back to the Thursday night model. The vendors seemed thrilled with both the turnout and the level of engagement. An interesting observation one pointed out to me was that at no point in the night did they have an empty table.  I look forward to expanding the beer garden next year as well to really take advantage of that outdoor space. With room for another 200 people next year, I also look forward to doubling the numbers of [whisky] on the pour. Small things come to mind: digitized check-in, printed pour lists in advance, much more water on the floor, spit buckets, beef ribs, and world peace. All pretty doable after smokin’ them Beef Ribs.

AK: Amen!  Ari, mazel tov on Kiddusfest I and thanks for taking some time to chat. We hope to be there for next year’s and all of the future ones.

TWQ: It’s 2:00 am and my Tamdu is long since turned over, so I’ll wish y’all a hearty l’Chaim and my thanks for all the love along the way, not just this year but for the many past as well.  It’s been a great trip so far, I’m excited to see what we get to share together along the long road to come.

_____________________________________________________________________

Many thanks to Ari White for taking the time answer our questions and for the media pass hook-up to this Que-tastic event!

It's #Kiddushfest Chat-time w/ @AaronMKrouse and Ari White of #TheWanderingQue! #BBQ #Whisky G-LO: Well, you did it again! A red-eye flight from LAX to JFK on Tuesday evening, an afternoon of eating and drinking in Midtown Manhattan on Wednesday afternoon followed by a 4 hour Kosher BBQ and whisky event in Battery Park at a little thing called…

[angry-old-asian-man]

Two Forms of White Fragility and a Missed Opportunity

I need to stop being shocked.

I need to stop having hope for this fascist country and its soulless ruling caste.

I was at a queer support group this evening.

There was a woman talking about just learning that her heritage–in the AMERICAS–was not homophobic until the colonisers brought that.

I added that in college, my studies had me learn about many nations’ histories, and in fact, most of the world had queer COMMUNITIES and it was, in fact, European colonists who enforced queerphobia and us all underground.

So this white hag who sat away from the rest of us suddenly started raving about how Saudi and Iraqi society are queerphobic because of ‘evils of’ Islam…

Ummmmmmmmm we were talking about Hawaii and she mentioned Mexico, which was relevant as the Americas and the heritage of half the fucking circle. Actually, the Arabs (as they were once called) were conquerors themselves who never really enforced a religion. Higher taxes for minority religions, but that’s like 8-1100s AD, when Christians killed everyone, okay? (Actually this is also how I ended up with W Asian blood is the Sicilian part of my lineage. This was no-one on the side that raised me–that was Japanese and Diaspora Scandinavian. I claim W Asian explicitly more in solidarity. But it’s Sicilian)

I started in on her, but yelled and jabbed my finger close enough to the person next to me (who was confused because her English isn’t that good) and she got really startled.

Between that and the fact I was just floored, I failed to properly call her out.

The thing is, a few kids dropped by, and even if I drag her to Stockton and back next time, those kids probably won’t be back to see it.

I’m just gonna post here in vain hopes they or anyone else who comes across this behaviour sees it.

What that was was a distraction and why is white fragility. Whites and their illusion/delusion (it’s both) of perfection and being above reproachability is so fragile and frail that they must silence all evidence to the contrary. A lot like global warming deniers.

This is the same as “you’re not allowed to say or feel that Bowie’s "China Girl” or Madam Butterfly is racist because the LDP in Japan is very sexist!“

1) they’re not related. I’m not required to like tororo because I like hiking.

2) notice how the false equivalency seeks to somehow "prove” whites are unreproachable because someone else is worse. This is like saying “you can’t really say you have depression until you’ve hung yourself” (the “you would have succeeded” argument does exist for the purpose of shutting people up). Or, “my wife can’t make me stop beating her–she doesn’t listen to me and once left the hall light on!” (Shifting blame).

That’s a very common abuser tactic.

Another common abuser tactic in whites shutting up minorities–

“Your pain upsets me so you’re not allowed to talk about/have it.”

You know the “if you cry I’ll hit you harder”?

Well, abusers don’t want to see themselves as bad. They don’t want to have to face that they’re shitty people.

Much like a woman beating her child and telling him if he cries she’ll make it worse, or telling him her beating him is somehow worse for her than him, the abuser (white people) wants to make the abuse the fault of the abusee (minorities).

This is why you may get silenced by whites from talking about racism. They’re trying to make their killing us into our fault for making them “”“bear the pain”“” of oppressing us.

How you know they don’t actually feel bad?

If they felt bad that they support a/o benefit from the system, they’d listen to you and turn around and tell other white people what you said. They’d take your words and shout them anywhere they could.

Look at what Sir Patrick Stewart is doing for women with his male priveledge. He literally said, “they’ll only listen to old white men, and I’m an old white man.” And he uses that to campaign tirelessly against abusing women, elevating the story of his mother, a DV survivor.

That’s what the white people who silence you with white tears would do if they ACTUALLY cared.

So, now we have two different manifestations of white frailty and their expositions.

You, my readers of colour, are not to blame. This is manipulation and emotional gaslighting because they can’t own up to the fact that they are complicit in all this.

I hope, probably in vain, that the kids who were at that group here in LA tonight see this, because I was shocked out of being able to show you what she deserved until I was on the train home, long after the officiator all too politely cut her off. The Web is too wide for that, but this should be of use to many, so here it is.

[mychristopherstokes66world]

We incarnate in this day and age for this very specific reason. Now is our time to shine brothers. Now is the time to lift the veil. LET THE TRUTH BE TOLD FOR ALL TO SEE It'll happen, but they all need to be exposed before it happens. Let them be seen for the foul child molesting demon cretins they are, and then the world will finally be in unison towards the like problem. No more sacrifices for Babylon dinosaurs that should've been destroyed eons ago.  They use ritual when they spill blood. I say we do the same.

WITH EPSTEIN SON from Daytona Beach to NYC. Let me tell you (((THEY))) are everywhere right now spinning the Trump is a pedo bullshit. Cernovich trying to determine if his name is written down anywhere? "On Wednesday, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit ruled certain records in a defamation lawsuit filed by accuser Virginia Roberts Giuffre against Epstein’s alleged madam, British socialite Ghislaine Maxwell, should be made public record. " THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW EPSTEIN IS AN IMPORTANT MARKER >normies and redpilled alike will be drawn into this story, either because of Pizzagate or because of ORANGE MAN BAD >left and right outlets will both report on this, either to nail Clinton and Epstein or to nail POTUS >celebrity entanglement ensures even the normiest of gossip outlets will have to touch this  THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING

>this is the story that draws the normies into Pizzagate  >this is the story that will be watched by all sides of the fractured populace >this is the story that baits the anti-Trump crowd into redpilling themselves  POTUS' "INVOLVEMENT" IS A 4D TRAP THOSE WHO TUNE IN TO SEE TRUMP GET RIPPED UP WILL WIND UP WATCHING THE SWAMP DESTROYED  TRUMP MARCHED INTO THE RAT'S NEST AND CALLED IN A TACTICAL NUKE ON HIS OWN POSITION

 From a 2010 deposition of Jeffrey Epstein: “Q. Have you ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18? “A: Though I'd like to answer that question, at least today I'm going to have to assert my Fifth, Sixth, and 14th Amendment rights, sir.”

Is that Rachel C(hild)handler? https://rachelchandlerparty.tumblr.com/archive Epstein Victim's Lawyer on Trump >https://youtu.be/Yqb59n69Z80 [Embed] News Links/Other >https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-12-12/fusion-gps-tried-and-failed-link-trump-jeffrey-epstein >https://www.foxnews.com/us/billionaire-sex-offender-epstein-once-claimed-he-co-founded-clinton-foundation >https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3679023/Billionaire-sex-offender-Jeffrey-Epstein-claimed-helped-Clinton-Foundation-touted-close-relationship-former-president-plea-bargain-negotiations.html >https://pagesix.com/2017/07/08/trump-was-the-boring-guy-at-studio-54/ >https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7138901/Trump-went-FBI-undercover-proposal-fully-cooperate-1980s.html >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vh0AklSXkU [Embed] >http://www.socialmediamorning.com/jeffrey-epstein-complete-flight-logs-of-the-lolita-express-and-you-should-see-the-names/ >https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/

clowns United are the beaters of truth. Worship them. Worship kek

https://www.bitchute.com/video/TKbkXiwa3Hhl/

>"There is no debate over what happened," Edwards told VICE news. "I served Mr. Trump with a subpoena for deposition in 2009. He talked to me voluntarily, and consequently we withdrew the subpoena in light of his voluntarily providing information…. I can't imagine there being any dispute of any of this."

>Edwards also said that it is "obvious" Trump himself was not involved in any of Epstein's illicit activity.

>Maxwell fled the United States on the eve of her deposition and never testified in Epstein's case. In fact, several of the Jane Doe lawyers, who spoke off the record because the case is ongoing, said that every key person investigators wanted to interview — especially those with potential knowledge of what took place on St. James Island — eluded subpoenas on technical grounds.

>There was one exception: Donald Trump.

>Edwards, the lawyer for Roberts and about 10 other Jane Does, said that after he served Trump with the subpoena in 2009, Trump immediately contacted him.

>"During the conversation, Mr. Trump was open and forthright," Edwards said. "I cannot discuss the substance of the conversation. But I will say that it was obvious to me that he was in no way involved in any untoward activity."

>On October 15, 2007, the New York Post reported that Mar-A-Lago had barred Epstein because he hit on a masseuse at the club. Epstein denied to the the Post that he had been banned. One of the Jane Doe attorneys told VICE News a slightly different account, saying that he had been told Trump broke ties with Epstein after Epstein tried to pick up the underage daughter of a Mar-A-Lago club member.

https://news.vice.com/en_us/article/j59vm8/the-salacious-ammo-even-donald-trump-wont-use-in-a-fight-against-hillary-clinton-bill-clinton

Acosta wasnt even the lead prosecutor on the case. Acosta said he disliked how that whole thing turned out and would be open to starting it back up. Now that hes in the trump DOJ it has started back up. Why do you shills act like that it was only acosta? That group got what they could out of it and actually ended up getting epstein registered as a sex offender.

You cant simultaneously say acosta let epstein off the hook AND acosta just had epstein arrested and the case opened up again

I don't even know, I won't jump on the Trump is a pedo or Trump is draining the swamp now bandwagon. All the people involved in this are really close to Trump's admin and social circles, from Alex Acosta, to Clintons, to celebs, It's fucking crazy how these same people are recycled and kept in positions of power especially when they knew of pedo-island. The automatic response would be to distance yourself, yet a person like Alex Acosta responsible for giving Epstein a slap on the wrist plea deal is promoted to Trump's Sec. of Labor. It's just too hard to come to and judgement until more comes out..IF more comes out.

Acosta was the US Attorney for the Southern District of Florida during the prosecution. He likely wasn't prosecuting the case, but he was the boss and nothing gets done (or not done) without his say so. Even the Deputy Attorney General got involved

And Acosta isn't even at DoJ anymore. He's Secretary of Labor for Trump

Acosta was recommended by White House Counsel Don McGahn. Typically you just nominate who you're suggested to nominate because a nominee not getting confirmed is embarrassing and that's time wasted you could've used to confirm someone else (like shit tons of judges, shaping the judiciary for decades to come). Especially with how uncooperative the Democrats in the Senate are, you can't waste time.

https://www.politico.com/story/2017/05/16/trump-mcgahn-white-house-cleanup-238410

>McGahn handpicked Alexander Acosta as the next labor secretary after Trump’s first selection, Andy Puzder, withdrew from the process following allegations of domestic abuse.

Pic related trump with confirmed Mossad agent

Ghislaine Maxwell is the daughter of late British parliamentarian and media magnate Robert Maxwell, also a Jewish Mossad 

prior to his assassination on November 5, 1991. Ghislaine Maxwell is not only a personal friend of Bill and Hillary Clinton but, apparently, also of Donald Trump (the two have been spotted together on several occasions). Although never charged, it was revealed in U.S. courts that Ghislaine procured young girls for her Jewish billionaire boyfriend Jeffrey Epstein and his friends and associates. Maxwell was given immunity in the secret plea-bargain, non-prosecution agreement and Epstein’s White House-connected Jewish lawyer Jay Lefkowitz managed to arrange it so that Epstein served only 13 months house arrest for a reduced conviction of soliciting a minor for prostitution and soliciting prostitution, despite that authorities had evidence that he abused up to 40 young girls. Epstein has made 17 out-of-court settlements. The more one looks into it, the more it looks like Maxwell and Epstein were running an international blackmail operation, extending from North America to Eastern Europe. What’s more, testimony from the victims revealed that Ghislaine might have been responsible for setting up the recording of the sexual abuse of the girls, complete with hidden cameras, for blackmail purposes. She is alleged to have even participated in the abuse of young girls herself.

“Epstein instructed Jane Doe 3 that she was to give the Prince [Andrew] whatever he demanded and required Jane Doe 3 to report back to him on the details of the sexual abuse,” according to court documents lodged by Epstein sex slave Virginia Roberts late in 2014.

Roberts claims it was Epstein who paid her $15,000 for subjecting herself to the 41-year-old Prince. “Jeffrey always took care of paying me after I ‘entertained’ his friends.”

A former employee at the Epstein Palm Beach estate claimed in a sworn deposition that Epstein and Trump had a much closer relationship than what Trump has admitted to. Juan Alessi claimed that Trump had been for dinner at the Epstein estate at least once, while Epstein’s brother Mark stated that he flew with both Jeff and Trump on Epstein’s private plane

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/1508967-deposition-excerpts.html#document/p73/a263754

In 2002, while Epstein was using child-sex slaves at his various homes in New York, Palm Beach, and in the Virgin Islands, Trump told New York Magazine that Epstein, his friend of 15 years, was a “terrific guy”.

“He’s a lot of fun to be with,” Trump continued. “It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

Epstein’s defense deposition stated the following as to whether Trump was involved in the non-stop Epstein orgy.

Q. “Have you ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18?”

A: “Though I’d like to answer that question, at least today I’m going to have to assert my Fifth, Sixth, and 14th Amendment rights, sir.”

Trump had nothing to do with Acosta, the plea deal Epstein got was 8 years before Trump was elected.

This has been going on as a story and a Fed investigation years before Trump even thought about running for political office.

Trump is an asshole, but he's not involved in this one, except peripherally. This pedo rubbed elbows with all of the rich and famous, all over the world. He knew EVERYBODY, that was part of his power, he trolled the upper elites for customers. He threw big parties on his island, to seek out the pedos who might want some "extras". 

but just because someone knew Epstein, that doesn't make them a pedo. Some of them were, and hopefully will be exposed, arrested, and jailed. But a lot of them, who just went to his island for free coke and getting wasted with no paps around, are gonne get dragged into it, like they did when he was busted in Florida.

https://ift.tt/2xCx4Fr

Like the Franklin case of old...yet another pedo sex trafficking case was thrown under the rug despite links to a spy ring that compromised national security: blackmail of politicians, business men and celebrities.

Ever wonder why movies and politics are so fucked? here is the answer: pic related

Acosta offered a plea deal to the biggest pedo/spy in American history: Jerry Epstein. Epstein ran what was considered one of the biggest pedo/spy sex rings to get dirt on top members of the American elite.

Epstein's plea deal got him 1 yr in prison and covered the ass of two big players: Trump and G. Maxwell. 

Who is cunt Maxwell? Jerry Epstein's recruiter of underage girls in the pedo ring. Although Trump did ban Jerry from Mar-o-Lago, Ghisele was never banned. She was the person who recruited a 15 year old employee from Trump's resort. Ghisele also visited Epstein 60+ times while he was incarcerated.

Alex Acosta...now working with Trump's administration was the one that offered a never before seen plea deal to Epstein. By offering said plea deal, Donald Trump and G. Maxwell were protected from prosecution. (although Trump was to be a witness and charged for raping a 13 year old girl)

Acosta didn't say that, he defended the plea deal, and welcomed an investigation into it, when he was nominated for Labor Sec. And, he's not in the DOJ, at all, he's a cabinet member, he's Secretary of Labor. And, he was the DA overseeing the Epstein case, his signature was REQUIRED on the plea deal - which was done in secret, and smelled so bad the DOJ is still currently investigating it. 

And, right after he signed off on that plea deal, he retires and gets hired as a dean at a law school in Florida. I'd bet if you were able to look at the school's endowments back then, a big bag of money from Epstein was delivered, with a note "Pls hire Acosta, thnx, love Jeffrey The Kid Fucker". 

Acosta has strong ties to the Bush family and that wing of the Republican party, the old school Skull and Bones crowd. He has a veneer of sleaze just from that.

His presence in Trump's cabinet is the part of this story that keeps me from going all in on Trump being clean. I think he is, but Acosta sitting in his cabinet stinks to high heaven. 

Now, if Acosta quietly announced he's retiring to spend time with his family in the next couple of weeks...I'll be more on the Trump being clean side.

Still bothers me. If Trump is so anti-pedo as everyone makes him out to be, why would he allow this guy to sit in his cabinet? He knew who Epstein was, and according to a lot of people, barred Epstein from Mar-a-Lago when something went down with him. 

That either points to Trump allowing his staff to make horrific choices for important slots in the administration...or Trump is okay with the plea deal. 

Or, this still has nothing to do with Trump, this is a decade long investigation finally acting and arresting Epstein, and Barr saw no reason to stop it when he came onboard. 

And, most of the "Trump is pedo herrrrrrrr" is just the usual faggotry from the retards here, and the media, because let's ignore that a pedo billionaire is arrested and might take down the titans of entertainment, business, and politics with him, no, that doesn't matter, "Trump REEEEEEEEEEEEEE" does. Or that one of the more active visitors to Child Rape Island was an ex-President.

OR

You will do anything to twist his jewish bloodline via Johann & Katherina (((Kober)))

You all want to hide the fact that he has taken $160,000,000 from Soros, owned 93% of voting stock in a rothschild/rockefeller company formerly tied to the CIA

Trumps grandpa, born to a female jew, moved to the us with his sisters who also married kikes, then moved to a kike neighborhood in new york. the church they attended at the time has since been bought and repurposed by JEWS

Trumps grandpa had a son, Fred, who has won countless awards from the kikes

Trumps kids are all marrying jews, Yael even converted already and renamed herself "Yael"(like Ibex, aka Baphomet)

Trump has an important Jewish National Fund award as his main office centerpiece in the center of his office wall

All of Trumps business partners are jewish, he barely surrounds himself with non jews and even then they are probably just like Donald

SO WHO TO BELIEVE ?

John Kelly - DHS nominee for Trump, advisor for DynCorp

Financial disclosure proving it: 

https://extapps2.oge.gov/201/Presiden.nsf/PAS+Index/14D3115B8C40E407852580A400591F25/$FILE/Kelly,%20John%20F.%20final278.pdf

Stephen Feinberg - Top financial adviser to Trump, CEO of DynCorp 

DynCorp website proving it: 

http://ir.dyn-intl.com/secfiling.cfm?filingid=1140361-10-17159&cik= 

Feinberg is listed as the CEO of Cerberus Capital Management on Wikipedia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Feinberg

Cerberus Capital Management is the parent company of DynCorp: 

https://dealbook.nytimes.com/2010/04/12/cerberus-to-buy-dyncorp-for-1-5-billion/

DynCorp and sex trafficking:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-isenberg/its-dj-vu-for-dyncorp-all_b_792394.html

http://www.chicagotribune.com/chi-0512270176dec27-story.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/hey-dyncorp-two-words-about-your-dancing-afghan-boy-problem-damage-control/

http://www.voxfux.com/features/dynacorp_child_sexual_slavery.html

More: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/wikileaks-reveals-that-mi_n_793816

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/9041974/What-the-UN-Doesnt-Want-You-to-Know.html

http://mssparky.com/2009/11/kbr-and-prostitution-in-iraq/

http://rense.com/general28/dyn.htm

https://nacla.org/news/dyncorp%E2%80%99s-tentacles-puerto-rico-mexican-border

https://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2003/08/17/16356311.php

DynCorp also has ties with Jeffery Epstein: 

http://imgur.com/a/Nfp4s

Really shouldn't be a surprise. 

Hillary Clinton ties to DynCorp:

Leaked email:

https://wikileaks.org/clinton-emails/emailid/15526

Cerberus donating to Hillary:

https://www.opensecrets.org/orgs/summary.php?id=D000021907&cycle=2016

You can read about Frederick's mother Katherina and their home in Kallstadt, a city nearby Frankfurt where the Rothschilds are from, here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_Trump#Early_life

If what I told you about him already wasn't enough, his sister Katharina also married an Ashkenazim man, Fred Schuster, and the three of them immigrated to the US together where they lived on Forsyth st. for several years. This neighborhood has had a sizeable German Jewish population since the 1800's.

Here's some info about the Ashkenazim surname Kober: http://names.mooseroots.com/l/23093/Kober

There is a reason that Trump's dad and Trump himself lied about their ancestry and pretended to be Swedish for decades.

Here's the info about his financial dealings:

160 million from Soros: https://www.conservativereview.com/commentary/2016/02/trump-pals-around-with-george-soros

Owning 93% of the voting stock of a Rothschild/Rockefeller corporation: http://americanfreepress.net/who-towers-behind-trump/?print=print

Bailed out of debt by a combo of prince of Saudi and a Chinese investor: http://www.nytimes.com/1995/04/12/business/trump-is-selling-plaza-hotel-to-saudi-and-asian-investors.html

His mentor Roy: http://dailycaller.com/2016/10/03/what-roy-cohn-taught-donald-trump/ and Cohn's pedophilia: http://www.behindthepinecurtain.com/wordpress/organized-pedophilia-and-the-criminal-exploitation-of-children/

Trump's relationship with Epstein: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/06/30/the-billionaire-pedophile-who-could-bring-down-donald-trump-and-hillary-clinton.html

Trump's father's grandma was a jew herself..Katherina Kober, daughter of Johann Jakob Kober, kober is of course a ashkenazi last name

Friedrich Drumpf, Donald's great-grandfather.. Two of his sisters are listed as

Elisabetha Freund and Syblia Schuster. both jewish last names

all of trumps kids are married to jews as well

trump went to a jewish academy as a kid and his parents died in the NYC jewish hospital

trump's office is filled with jewish(not isrealite streaight up kabbalistic satanic babylon crap) memorabilia and all his business partners are jews

>inbf "keep your friends close, enemies closer"

thats what he is doing to you dumb goys right now.

http://forward.com/the-assimilator/327135/donald-trumps-jewish-doctor-has-out-trumped-him/

https://www.hillaryclinton.com/feed/donald-trump-got-a-clean-bill-of-health-from-a-physician-who-sounds-remarkably-like-donald-trump/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=tw&utm_campaign=20160829Feed-Trump-doctor

“I am proud to share this report, written by the highly respected Dr. Jacob Bornstein of Lenox Hill Hospital, stating that I am in excellent health,” Trump wrote, confusing his doctor with his previous physician, Jacob Bornstein, who died in 2010. Jacob was Harold’s father

its obvious they want a president that they can blackmail into going to war or doing other shit, fact here we dont know to which extent Trump may or may not be a degenerate or to which extent he has some other motivations and other people helping him survive, if anything, any president that loses all allies get JFKd or simply resign to save himself and his family, Trump may either have other powers helping him or been told to wait for a specific moment to resign after reelection or is actually just another jew pupet, fact is we will never actually know because we are all just browsing a website and have no actual power or connections

Epstein was a member of the Sayanim. His whole pedo island was rigged for audio and video surveillance. Anything he shared with the FBI was probably a small fraction of what he gave to the MOSSAD. Israeli intelligence uses this material to blackmail powerful people, such as DC politicians and other VIP's who visited Epstein's compound. This explains why Dershowitz was able to get such a sweetheart sentence for Epstein's many crimes. Had it been Joe Sixpack from Anytown USA, he would never again see the light of day.

https://thedevilman666.blogspot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/qanonreports https://twitter.com/CIACLOWN1 https://www.bitchute.com/channel/ciaclown16661/

[plogan721]

Goals For June 2019

Last month was a very trying month for me.  There are some things that I did not expect (like the electric going out in two of the rooms and leaving me without wifi for 3 days on Mother’s Day weekend).  I am humbled that in this country, power is a freely given, even though we must pay for it.  There are some luxuries that we as Americans do to order to afford them, and sadly this administration does not get it.  OK, that is it for my rant.  I am supposed to be talking about my goals for the month of June and that is what we are going to talk about.

What did I get done in May?

In May, on the social media side, the following happened:

Instagram:  Last month: 750 This month: 557

I have no doubt it is the photos I publish, but I have one slight problem.  While people like my photos, and it seems that I keep posting the same type of photos, I have received maybe one or two comments on them.  So, if you comment, it helps me a lot.  I am also commenting more on other people’s photos.  Generally, I am a shy, quiet person, so introverted, but as my pastor says, I have extrovert tendencies.  Interaction is the key.  Also, a tip:  to constantly get followers to interact with you, Kittens and puppies work.  I am just kidding.  My last photo of the boss cat got a lot of likes because she was sitting in her usual spot overseeing her “parents” making dinner.  No, the real tip is to follow the person who follows you.  You may not be interested in what they do, but it helps to support them.  It also does help to turn your personal account into a business account. You can see insights and see what works for your IG account.

Facebook: I am not tackling that as of yet.  I did get a chance to look at it from a non-grabbing traffic aspect (is Non-Grabbing a term?) and I will admit that if I want to grab a follower’s attention, I need to:

·         Get rid of the drama.  In other words, curb my issues, don’t react too much to Trump’s and other political antics, and get rid of my gaming (although that has been restricted to my Ipad).

·         Promote more of my business, but not too much.  Remember, Facebook execs do not want you to spam your readers, and I am on of those people who do not want to see an ad for ½ of Paparazzi Jewelry. I love the pieces (who can beat $5 jewelry), but I do not want the same ad popping up every 5 minutes or more.  Even Jesus took a rest, and you should too.  If I know how I feel about the same ad, then I need to rest about my business as well.

o   Tip: Talk about something related to your business that can be a takeaway tip.  For instance, talk about what types of jewelry goes with each other.  In my case, I would be talking about types of invitations to help when inviting guests to the wedding or a good size number of guest to invite when your venue is small.  This may turn viewers into buyers.  Do not always offer a product.  Let the post bring in the buyers.

This is something that I want to tackle starting next month.  This does not mean I am friending anyone it means I am adding followers.

Pinterest

I can always use more followers, but what I have notice is what I am not posting enough of, my blogs.  Just like Instagram, this is something that I need to work on, and this case, it brings more people to my blog posts and my Etsy site.  I have been mostly repining other people’s pins.  While that is a good thing for them, it is not good for me.  I am finding better photos by taking some of my own or using the ones that I purchased with a commercial license or free and the original photographer said I can use them.

Twitter: 1,679 (May) added 2 more for June (1,680).  I am going to work on posting my blog posts on Twitter and hopefully I have the same results as I did with Instagram.  At one time, Twitter was my go to, until the a few years ago, mojo when “No Go”.  Now that I am building up traffic again, I do need to work on all of them in some compacity and Twitter is no exception

YouTube:  I gained 5 new followers, with no new videos for the whole month of May.  I did put out a video on Instagram stories to see how I liked it.  It is good for short bursts of video, but for long ones, it is YouTube. I have a Vimeo account, but I have not made any videos on it in the 5+ years I had the account.

In June, the goal is at least two videos. 

Finally LinkedIn:

LinkedIn is the business Facebook, even though Facebook now has a legitimate Facebook business area, this is the first social media made for business people.  I do not talk about it much because it is supposed to be more professional than Facebook.  I have 363 connections.  LinkedIn does not call them followers or friends. Each connection is supposed to allow you to ask for business, sell your product, or apply for a job.  If that connection does not have a need for you business or product, or hiring in your expertise, they may know of someone who does or have a need.  LinkedIn is supposed to be a place to network.

I have been mostly lurking on LinkedIn.  When I first got the account, I was engaging so much.  Now I barely get on because the way I have this account setup, anything I do not Twitter or Facebook, reflects back on LinkedIn.  Lately, I have noticed that the dynamics have changed.  It seems that LinkedIn does not allow it anymore. So, I am looking into my account and changing things up a bit. 

OK, I am off of social media for now.

Other Goals

You may think that this is all I talk about.  No Sir/Madame.  These are my other goals:

P. Lynne Designs Website.  For some reason, I took a month off.  Not my usual depressive state, but I had things to do, people to see.  Also, I have been getting house stuff done.  When you only have so many hours of the day, and/or people and things give you limitations beyond your control, you have to take them. So, the website was put on the backburner for a bit.  So, the new goal is to have things running by the new year. (new fiscal year, that is, which starts in July).

Bedroom organization:  I am almost finished clearing my bedroom.  I cleared out my 3-tier long shelf for something that only holds my router/modem, my long basket with my rolls of vinyl, and my planner supplies, which are temporary until I get my craftroom set up. The new goal for this area:

Change out the final phase of Fall/winter/spring bed clothing (sheets and spread/comforter/blanket) for summer stuff. I have not decided what I want on my bed, but I want the ugly green comforter to get out of here.  I had it for 3 years, so it is bye-bye.

Clear off my dresser.

Get rid of the shoe rack and basket table.

Start hunting for bedroom furniture.  This is a purchase planned for 2020, and I need to start looking now, even though I am looking to move in the next 1-2 years.  Why?  I had this furniture since I moved out of my parent’s house in 1998, and this furniture was built in 1968 (at least that was what the previous owners of the furniture said). I want something that is a little more up-to-date.  Heck I have changed computers since this furniture was bought.  I need a budget for this purchase.

Product creation.  I think I have a handle on my Etsy store.  I had 2 sales in the month of May, but June needs to double the amount.  This means 4 sales.  I also need to renew one of the listings, the “Smile” in white lettering composition notebook.  I need to make some products for my website that may or may not be a product on my website who is to tell on that until I create it.  I need to do pricing for some product as well.  This means the introduction to change some placement products and finish my website.

Well, that is it for right now.  I had great response to the May 2019 goals.  My reason is not to brag that I can do this.  I am not perfect.  There are some goals that I did not meet in the month of May that I am not happy with, but you move on, you do what you can to meet and exceed those goals.  If you do not meet them, do not beat yourself up over it.  Things happen and life happens.  I am very proud of things such as meeting some social media goals, mad that I did not complete my craftroom and master bedroom, but things have not fallen around me, and if not, I will pray, ask for forgiveness, and move on.  This is the takeaway I want to give to you.

from Blogger http://bit.ly/2IfOXPu via IFTTT

[topicprinter]

We get a ton of cold emails in our inbox, most of them we insta-delete because even the subject line is terrible and spammy.Often for the terrible ones we sometimes do open them just to see what the copy looks like - it’s disgusting. You can tell they’re not even trying, maybe they’re going for the law of averages if I spam enough people I’ll get a response.It’s useful though to look at crappy cold emails because the things that you viscerally dislike about them will guide you on what not to do, and make you think about why you would ever read a cold email, let alone why you would ever respond to one in the first place.It takes some thought and a bit of trial and error but by doing so you’ll be ahead of most people if our inbox is anything to go by.Get to the pointThis is the most important point. I don’t care about you and I have limited time and many more emails to get to. That’s the hostile environment your email is headed into.Therefore don’t babble endlessly, your email should be short and sharp. A good rule of thumb is for it take one minute or less to read, maybe three short paragraphs at most in the body of the email.If you’re writing a novel I’m deleting it. You have to make the email as easy to read as possible, you should be able to skim read it and get the point.Longer emails are for when people are invested in you and therefore willing to make the effort, this is an introductory email - always remember that.Some examples of what not to dohttps://realtimecrm.co.uk/img/marketing/cold-email-1.pngLooking at the above example in the inbox of our MD Jamie that’s not too bad, right? It’s short and sharp but there’s a very obvious way they’ve shot themselves in the foot.You should always personalise your emails to the person you’re sending them to, there’s nothing worse than a generic email with ‘Dear Sir or Madam’.You’re probably thinking that they have personalised it congratulating Jamie on his new role at RealtimeCRM, the problem is this email was sent about two weeks ago. Jamie’s been in his “new role” for over six months. All it takes a little bit of research on the person to find useful information that’ll help you.The worst thing you can do is not do your homework and send an email that has no relevance to the person you’re sending it to, maybe there is a person in their organisation who would be interested but you wouldn’t know that because you didn’t look them up.Also at the bottom of the above example there was an unsubscribe link - so this definitely was a generic mass hit email and there was no attempt made to disguise that fact. So Jamie’s on an email list somewhere that he didn’t sign up to. That’s the sentiment reached at the end of reading that email - not great.https://realtimecrm.co.uk/img/marketing/cold-email-2.pngFirstly, the scare quotes around our name. Why?The next bit to note is the list of customers that we’ve blocked out but looking them up - totally different to what we do and then the big block of text in the middle there, has no relevance to us at all.There’s no value there for us at all, many sales teams may rely heavily on outbound sales tactics but we don’t care, most of our marketing is inbound and we go into great deal on our blog on what we do on this front. it’s so obvious this is a generic block of text and no attempt has been made to find value they can provide specifically to us.Don’t do what that email did, don’t be vague. Instead, be relevant and specific.Subject linesWhen it comes to subject lines once again getting to the point and demonstrating relevance we’ve found works best. If you’re trying to guest post on a site then put in guest post and the title of your submission into the subject line. Just make sure you’re not sending it to the guy in admin but the lady in charge of their blog.Another way is to do your research and congratulate the person you’re sending the email to on something they achieved recently or their company did.People love to be congratulated, it’s a very quick and easy way to get them to just open the email. That’s the goal of the subject line - get them to open the email.So to summarise your subject line should be short, sharp and be relevant to the prospect personally or to what they do, their job role. It’s not complicated why would you open an email that obviously has no relevance to you?Whatever you do don’t be bland and generic.Give them valuehttps://realtimecrm.co.uk/img/marketing/google-cloud-email.pngWe’ve already mentioned this before but it needs to be reiterated and backed up so you get it. Without this your email has no meat.The example above is an actual email we sent to an editor of the Google Cloud blog which resulted in us guest posting:How RealtimeCRM built a business card reader using Machine LearningThe traffic we get from that referral converts at 5%. It’s hugely valuable to us but getting your foot in the door at Google is not easy. They’re a giant and they’re not going to waste their time on anyone or anything if there’s nothing in it for them.So the first thing we did was our research. We know why we want to post on their blog because its Google, for SEO purposes and for the exposure giving a behind the scenes look at us to a much bigger audience.But what could we offer Google in return? Well they have these awesome API’s that allow you to integrate machine learning functionality into your products, we built our business card reader using them.So that’s where the eureka moment came in as to how we provide value. We would not only be a case study for a real world example of using their APIs to do something useful but we’d give away the script so that others could use the Google Cloud APIs do build their own business card readers or whatever twist on it they want.There’s the compelling value that we provided to them, and it worked we got a response and the rest is history. You have to apply the same process to your prospect and craft your email to get that value across to them.The other component is knowing who you’re sending the email to. In this case we referenced a post by the editor we were emailing written on the Google Cloud blog, the post itself revolved around machine learning with a business application - exactly what we were proposing in our guest post. So we’re demonstrating that we know this is something they’re interested in and we know how they write about it. We’re making it as easy as possible for them.Next, we provide some relevant proof to back up our call to action, in this case links to other articles we’ve written so they can check our writing style is suitable for them and then we’ve got a call to action which is very easy to complete, for the editor to let us know if they’re interested.Your call to action should be obvious and not require a ton of effort. Remember, don’t be too pushy but be explicit about the value you’re going to provide them.Lastly, it’s usually a good idea to acknowledge them and thank them for taking the time to look at your email - people are busy just acknowledge that. It’s a really nice touch to end things with.Check it overRead your email back and if it’s annoying, feels overlong or waffly, doesn’t get to the point and provide value then redo it.If you can get someone else to look it over as well - do that, over time you’ll get better at this and you’ll be able to make judgement calls on what works or not yourself.A great rule of thumb when you’re starting out is to not remake the wheel but learn from others who know what they’re talking about with real life examples. Take advantage of their experience.To that end check out Dmitry Dragilev from Criminally Prolific and his amazing post 26 cold email examples broken down to help you write your own - it goes over how to personalise and spark interest for a bunch of different value propositions and also how not to violate CAN SPAM laws when sending your cold email which we have not covered here.Final thoughtsIt’s really simple make the email about the prospect not about you. Before you even write anything down think about what they would gain from reading and responding to your email, if you can crystalise that into an awesome email you’re almost there.Too many people always look at things from their point of view only and then are surprised when they get no response. Don’t be one of those people.

[kennethherrerablog]

This Easy Three-Step Guide Will Help You Nail Your Next Cover Letter

When you’re writing a cover letter, all of your deepest insecurities can surface.

You start to question your writing skills, your professional experience and, really, your entire life.

How do you introduce yourself? Do you repeat what’s on your resume? How much should you talk about yourself? How can you mirror your whole being on to this one page?

We talked to several career-advice specialists who say a cover letter is really only as complicated as you make it. To tackle yours head on, you first need to understand its purpose.

What Is a Cover Letter?

All those questions swimming in your head? They’ll settle down when you start to understand the purpose of your cover letter.

First, think about a cover letter just as it is: It’s a one-page brief that physically (or virtually) covers a copy of your resume.

Second, think about your cover letter as a way to emphasize the most relevant points presented in your resume and to provide extra context. Your resume should point out your transferable skills; those are the skills or experiences you have that will translate to your success.

Your cover letter then explains those skills with a little more flavor, color and personality. It also proves you have the communication skills you need for the job.

Think of the cover letter as you would a short commercial, as a quick piece that captures your audience’s attention, says Loren Margolis, CEO of Training Leadership Success, a global consulting firm specializing in executive coaching and leadership development.

As creepy as it might sound, Margolis says you want it to be like you’re whispering in the reader’s ear: “Hey! Look at this! Look at me!”

Three Types of Cover Letters

You’re probably familiar with the classic cover letter you send when applying for a particular job. But there are actually three types you might write during a job search.

“You can call them all cover letters,” said Erica Stallings, program director for career advising and counseling at Florida State University. “And typically they’re all going to be followed by your resume.”

But they all serve different aims.

Networking Cover Letter

This is a more personalized version of a cover letter that you would send to someone with which you are trying to forge or strengthen a connection. It could be a LinkedIn message or body of an email — with your resume attached, of course — so it should be short and to the point.

“You don’t want to write a dissertation in an email,” Stallings said.

In it, you might request an informal coffee meeting to discuss how they landed a job, inquire about having that person become your mentor or ask if you can shadow them on the job. Keep it personal, and be specific about what you want from the letter.

Prospecting Cover Letter

A prospecting cover letter is aimed at helping you develop a connection at a company and let’s you inquire about a variety of open positions — not just a single job posting. It should be about a page long and be addressed to the recruiter or HR manager at the firm in which you are interested, Stallings said.

Basically, you’re reaching out to see if a company has any openings rather than targeting a specific job description you might have seen.

Traditional Cover Letter

This is what you’ve probably attached to your resume when applying to jobs in the past. And this is the type we’re focusing on in this how-to guide.

How to Format Your Cover Letter

With cover letters, it’s easy to get hung up in the details. Many of us are really good at that.

For that, here are some important details to consider before diving into the meat of the letter:

Set your document to 1-inch margins. Stick with the traditional 12-point font, though you don’t have to opt for the classic Times New Roman. You can mix it up — perhaps with Georgia or Cambria.

Either way, make sure the font you choose matches your resume. If you’re in a more creative field like graphic design, put your skills to work — just don’t get too crazy with, like, Comic Sans (*shudders*).

If you’re attaching your cover letter to an email (preferably in the same document as your resume — your cover letter on the first page, resume on the second), you’ll want it to read like a letter. For that, add your traditional headings: your name and your contact information, the date and the company’s name and its contact information.

If you’re simply copying and pasting the cover letter into the body of an email, which is fine, go ahead and delete all that other stuff and start with “Dear…”

Speaking of “Dear,” always, always personalize your cover letter. Never write “Dear Sir or Madam.”

“That’s just so spammy,” Margolis says. Instead, find the hiring manager’s name.

If you’ve exhausted your search, opt for the name of the recruiter. Or you could even go as far as calling the company and its hiring department and asking who the hiring manager is.

“Even if it’s the wrong person, have a name,” Margolis says. “You have to have a name.”

But don’t just make it up. Say you’re applying for a brand manager position but can’t find the brand director. Maybe the vice president of the department is listed on LinkedIn. Go with that name.

Or, if you’re not comfortable with that, just direct it to the specific department, said Alaina Rahaim, assistant director of career readiness at the University of Tampa.

Sign off with a simple “Sincerely” or “Best regards.” Don’t take a chance hitting a nerve with your reader. Even “Warm regards” could feel too touchy-feely.

Keep it all to a page — or less, even. Remember, this is your commercial. How long do you pay attention to a commercial? No more than 20 seconds — two minutes if it’s the Super Bowl. Many times, hiring managers won’t even look at a cover letter if it’s over a page.

How to Write a Cover Letter in Three Simple Steps

Google “cover letter,” and you’ll get pages upon pages of templates and best practices and theories and expert opinions.

So, no, there’s no singular universal answer as to the best way to write a cover letter. But there’s no need to make it more difficult than it has to be.

A Quick Note About Keywords

If you’ve read our advice on how to write a resume, then you probably understand the importance of keywords — important words or phrases repeated throughout a job listing. You should also include these throughout your cover letter.

To keep it simple, Margolis suggests a three-paragraph “You, Me, We” approach.

Paragraph 1: You

“One of the biggest errors people make is that they talk all about themselves,” Margolis says.

However, your first paragraph should be about you — as in the recipient, the potential employer, the company.

If someone referred you for the position or you have some sort of connection to the company, mention that in the first sentence, Margolis says. That could be something like: “So and so, from this-and-that company, recommended I apply for this role.” But mention the specific role. This is important.

So name drop. That hooks ’em. It’s called networking.

If you weren’t referred, just start by saying you’re excited, pleased or delighted to apply for the position.

Next, state how you found out about the position. Was it your connection? A LinkedIn posting? The company’s website?

Now, mention what excites you about the company. You’ll need to do some research on this part. Is the company a leader in the marketplace? Known for its innovative products? Perhaps it was recently ranked on a “Best Places to Work” list. Or maybe it won an award. Then get more specific about the department and what it’s doing.

Bottom line: This part has to be tailored to the company and the position.

Paragraph 2: Me

That’s you now!

For this paragraph, Margolis suggests choosing two to three transferable skills. Remember, those are the skills that can easily translate to your success in this new role.

And start bragging.

“It’s the gracious brag, graciously patting yourself on the back and saying, ‘I believe my two years of experience in x will lend to success with your team,’” Margolis says as an example.

You want to use more concrete, specific examples in this section, too, offering more details than your resume. Be as straightforward as saying, “For example…”

“It’s OK to repeat your resume; you’re just shedding a different form of light on it,” Margolis says.

Tie this paragraph up with a nice little bow of a conclusion sentence, something as simple as, “I’d be excited to bring these skills to your team.”

Paragraph 3: We

Margolis says there’s not a whole lot left to say in the paragraph. Even two sentences, done right, can suffice.

This is where you tie it all together. You plus me. We.

Discuss how your skills and ambition align with the company’s goals and values — and make sure you do your homework so you really stand out, said Rahaim.

Talk about the next steps. Mention meeting for an interview or attending the company’s open house.

Then mention how you’ll follow up. Will you call next week? Email?

If that doesn’t feel appropriate, you can always thank the recruiter or manager for their time.

6 Things to Avoid in Your Cover Letter

We’ve all heard those cover letter horror stories and the “Crap, I didn’t attach it” mutterings.

These, however, are six simple things Margolis encourages applicants avoid.

1. Jargon and/or Acronyms

Just write it out.

Even if you’re entering a job in healthcare policy, Margolis says by way of example, don’t use ACA — just write out the Affordable Care Act.

2. Slang or Shortcuts

LOL.

This doesn’t work. Ever. Even if you’re using it ironically.

3. Contractions

Although brevity is the soul of wit, you’ll you will want to avoid contractions so you come off as polished as possible.

“I think it’s more professional to spell it out,” said Rahaim.

4. Negative Comments

Even if it’s intended to be positive, avoid the “I’ve seen reports of your company’s poor culture in the news, and I really think I can help” comments. Further, don’t mistakenly say anything negative about yourself, such as: “Although I haven’t done this type of work before, I am willing to learn.”

“I think that’s sad,” said Rahaim. “Off the bat you’re focusing on the fact that you’ve ever worked in the field.”

Just leave it sunshine and roses.

5. An Old AOL Email Address

Whatever you do, be sure to send your cover letter from a professional email address. This could be some combination of your first and last name.

Not beachblonde911@aim.com.

6. Silliness or attempts at humor

It might be tempting to flex your witty wordplay to catch a recruiter’s eye, but using humor or silliness can also backfire for job hunters. Without verbal or physical cues, jokes can lack context and come off as weird nonsequieters.

“When you’re writing it and someone’s reading it there’s no guarantee how someone will take it,” said Rahaim.

Final Words of Cover Letter Advice

Remember: Every cover letter is going to be different, depending on your field, your position and you.

However, Margolis suggests always asking yourself two questions before submitting your cover letter:

1. “If I were the recipient of this letter, would I want to read it?”

You should feel proud of your cover letter — not like it’s an extra burden you’ve slapped on top of your resume.

2. “Can I use the ‘Three Cs’ to describe it?”

The “Three Cs” are concise, compelling and effectively communicating your value.

Check, check and check?

Spend some time proofreading and revising. Read your cover letter aloud (a trick I use in all my writing) or have a friend or family member read it.

Then, stop banging your head against the desk and overthinking it — just send it!

Carson Kohler (@CarsonKohler) is a staff writer at The Penny Hoarder.

Data journalist Alex Mahadevan (@AlexMahadevan) contributed to this post.

This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.

This Easy Three-Step Guide Will Help You Nail Your Next Cover Letter published first on https://justinbetreviews.tumblr.com/

[andrewysanders]

How to Get a Job in an Architect’s Office

Getting a job in an architect’s office should be a lot easier than it really is … well, I should put a caveat on that statement to say that it’s hard to get a good job in a good architect’s office. Including mine.

The reason this particular topic is on my mind is that I am looking to hire a few people, but we’ll get to that in a minute. Since we are just a few months out from shiny new graduates knocking on my door looking for work, I thought I would discuss how this process works, the sort of things I look for, and who knows, maybe you and I could be working together.

…more on that towards the end.

Probably the hardest part about getting a job in an architect’s office is simply getting your foot in the door. I can tell you that we haven’t had the need to solicit for a new employee in years … which is not the same thing as not needing to hire someone. The last three people who have joined our staff were all people that we already knew or came recommended to us from people we trusted. I receive on average around 10 resumes a month from people looking for a job – which is a lot for an office that currently only has 9 employees. So how does someone get their foot in the door? The easiest way is to know someone who can make the introduction. Another fairly painless way to set up those initial interviews is to talk to your friends that already have jobs and let them know that you are looking, chances are pretty good that they’ll say something to their office and if there’s a need, you’ll probably get a call. The last way, which is not coincidentally the one with the poorest odds for success, is to send out emails expressing interest in the firm and requesting an interview. Of the estimated 1,200 unsolicited resumes I’ve received via email over the last 10 years, not once has someone received a job offer. I’ve come close a few times but as I said, the odds are not in your favor.

First up is a quick chat about cover letters and resumes. If you have to make your initial contact through email, you need to have some sort of cover letter. These should be fairly short and to the point (even though I already know the point – you want a job). The very first thing you have to do is figure out to whom you need to address this cover letter – which is basically your email since nobody is actually mailing out their resumes and portfolios. This is important and if you get this next part wrong I will not continue reading your email … Do NOT address your cover letter to “Dear Sir/Madam”

I’ve actually written an entire article about this singular error – the aptly titled Emailing Your Resume – Fatal Errors and this post has all of my hot buttons in them. I consider this problem-solving 101 and if you can’t figure out how to take this first step then you are not a good fit for my office. I get it that you might have to go through some sort of job portal at the larger firms when submitting your qualifications. In those moments when you can’t determine who might be looking at your resume, you could simply write “Greetings” and go about your business.

Everyone should have a resume – this is the first document that someone like me will pay attention to – it’s the thing that will compel me to either open your portfolio or move on to the next candidate. Sounds harsh (even as I write it I know what it sounds like) but in a firm like mine, communication skills are important and how you write your cover letter and assemble your resume tell me a lot about you and how you think. Back in May 2011 I wrote Writing Your Resumé with the idea that I would tell people all the “what not to do’s” and the other nuances that exist within resumes. With just a pinch of additional effort, your resume contains all the information you want to plant between the lines to tell someone like me a little something extra about you.

So let’s say your timing is fantastic and you’ve managed to get a job interview … Congratulations! What sort of things do you need to bring with you? If this is your first job coming out of school, you will need to bring your portfolio along. If you have been out of school for a bit, I would definitely bring along some examples of the professional work you’ve been doing. While your school portfolio is important, since you’ve been out of school for a bit I can learn more about your current skill set by looking at the sort of tasks you’ve been given at your last (or present) job. This would include construction drawing sets and graphics packages you might have created. You should still have your portfolio handy but it’s possible that I probably won’t spend too much time looking through it other than to see what your skill level was coming out of school and how things have progressed for you since.

Let’s take just a minute to talk about portfolio’s, shall we? I wrote the article Architectural Portfolios almost two years ago and in that time, it has become my go-to article whenever questions related to portfolios comes up. If you haven’t read it and you have questions, read it before asking me because chances are good I’ve already addressed your question. Portfolios have a diminishing value to them the further removed from school you become – I don’t even think I brought mine with me after my second or third job. The most important piece of information in that post is that your portfolio is simply another design problem that you’ve been asked to solve. The content should be curated for the story you want to tell and the job you wish to acquire.

The last few pieces of advice I have for those folks looking to get the architectural job of their dreams has to do with how you carry yourself in the actual interview. First off, feel free to over-dress, it’s way better than showing up under-dressed. When I was younger and still making the rounds I always wore a dark suit and a freshly pressed shirt without a tie to my interviews. I would say I had about a 50/50 chance that the person I was meeting with was going to be wearing a tie and considering that I received a job offer from every interview I ever went on, the missing tie wasn’t a problem.

During the interview itself, you need to be prepared to do your part carrying the conversation. It isn’t just your answers to questions that are important; it’s also how you respond. Attitude can solve far more perceived ills than ability during an interview. Since I can’t truly evaluate your abilities during our conversation, I am dialing in on how you are presenting yourself. Some typical questions you should expect to hear include:

Why do you want to work here? Why did you leave your last job? What do you think is your best skill? What are your goals for working here? What are your expectations for this job? How much money do you expect to make?

I am amazed at how many people who have come in for a job interview don’t ask questions to the people who are interviewing them. That would be a major strike against you in my evaluation. Not asking questions of your potential employer sends a message that you either 1) don’t have options, 2) don’t care as long as you get a job, 3) didn’t think ahead and aren’t prepared, or 4) you are task oriented rather than goal oriented. Take your pick, they are all bad. In every job interview I ever went on, I always asked very specific questions. Some of my typical questions might have included:

What will my role be? What needs are they trying to fill with me? What are my opportunities for advancement? What skill sets would they like to see me develop? How long did their employees stay with them?

That’s not too bad, is it? All of these questions seem to be fairly obvious to me and if you have your act together, this should be your starting line. There are all sorts of other questions that might come up, some of which depend a little on how far along you are in your career and the sort of job you are hoping to acquire.

I told you all the above information because if you would like to work in my office, located centrally in the land of milk and honey, this is your chance because we need to add a few more people to our staff. Here is the official description:

We are currently looking to add at least two people to our current staff  – one person with 3-5 years of experience and one with 0-1 years experience. Our projects are a fairly even mix of residential, light commercial, and corporate architectural interiors so the chances of you becoming bored are rather remote. Most of where my time is spent is on the residential and light commercial side – although, I tend to work a bit on everything since part of my job involves making sure people understand gravity and that water (and other fluids) run downhill.

Our employees typically get slightly more responsibility than they can handle; which creates a pretty invigorating and exciting atmosphere. We are an office full of problem solvers and being self-motivated and a good problem solver is paramount to finding success in our office. We tend to manage our employees the way we like to be managed – just tell me what needs to be done and let me go do it.

Everyone in our office has an architectural education and is licensed or currently taking the exams. There are good reasons to get your license and we make it a big deal. We don’t bill our clients based on the percentage of construction cost; we bill hourly since we sell time and experience. That means we charge more for licensed individuals than non-licensed individuals, and our employee’s salary generally reflects their billing value … but for now, I will say that the salary is commensurate with ability. We have full insurance benefits, savings plan with matching employer contributions, and we have historically given a Christmas bonus every year that we have been in business. Even in the crap years.

I will tell you that communication skills are really, really important in this office. We like to put our employees in front of clients and contractors and the ability to speak with clarity and intelligence is a plus. If you are the sort that enjoys talking to others, this is the place for you.

We are also on permanent summer hours here at MMB Architects which means we work 9 hour days Monday through Thursday, then leave at noon on Friday’s (unless you have client meetings … and it seems that I always have client meetings). I tend to come into the office early (7:00 am) and leave at 6:00 pm so I can get home and spend time with my family whereas the single kids come in a bit later and stay later … apparently, they go to raves and drink beer afterward. As much as I like to go to work and design cool stuff, we try to set a corporate culture around the office that people don’t have to give up everything in order to be an architect. I rather like it when our employees have outside interests because it shapes them into more rounded individuals. I strongly believe that the creative process of design and that practicing architecture demands your knowledge and understanding of what it means to be a complete and fully functioning member of society.

We cover all AIA fees and dues, and if you are licensed, we pay for you to attend 1 conference a year (Texas Society of Architects Convention or the Texas Society of Architects Design Conference). In addition to covering registration fees, you get time off from work to attend … this is not a “use your vacation” arrangement – nor do we expect you to make up your time.

This is a great place to work and for someone who is smart and self-motivated – you will get to do just about anything you want and you won’t be trapped in the office all the time behind your computer.

We pay well but we consider all these other benefits part of the compensation package here – that along with the fact that this is a pleasant place to spend your days. 

Think you might want to work in my office on one or two of my projects? I am dying and will confess that I have received 45 emails just today that required immediate action … and I need some help. We have some amazing projects in the office (residential, architectural interiors, hotel, medical clinic, retail – we’ve got it all) and if you are the right person, we would like to have you join us. All you have to do is send me a cover letter and your resume – which should be easy because I just spent this entire post telling you exactly how to do it. If you want me to tell you where to send it, I am going to let you figure that one out for yourself – consider it your first problem-solving test.

Cheers,

from Home https://www.lifeofanarchitect.com/how-to-get-a-job-in-an-architects-office-2/ via http://www.rssmix.com/