#like this year was one of my worst ones mental health wise

[astroyongie]

𓍢ִ໋☕️✧˚ ༘ ⋆ Christmas Male Idol Tea 𓍢ִ໋☕️✧˚ ༘ ⋆

Note: Hello everyone and Merry Christmas Eve/ Happy Yule to everyone who celebrates theses days! for today we have a little gift. This is a tea post done through tarot, so please take it lightly.

-> Questions regarding who X is won't be answered. You can however send in theories about who you think X is but there won't be denial or confirmation from my part.

-> Each X is one member from the group. Female idols post to be posted next!

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

NCT 127 

X has been giving money away to associations. it seems like this act of kindness is also a way for him to be ‘forgiven’ about a few things he has on his heart

X wishes to not renew his contract with SM the moment the opportunity presents to him. it seems like they want to leave korea as well 

X has been working on their inner self and their own courage. you might see him next year speak up about things that other male idols dont speak about 

x is in a very stable relationship at the moment

ever since X has been in a relationship with someone where the cycles keep repeating themselves. it is not very healthy 

Next month, X might travel out of korea for a project he has been collaborating in

X will have a solo in 2025

X will also have a solo in 2025

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

NCT Dream 

X might take a new direction with his career. Acting happening in 2025?

X is still in his healthy relationship and it seems that so far things have been doing well for him

X is in a good state mentally and physically. he is happy and he is genuine when he shows it to his fans 

X will give you news about solo projects that he has been working on 

It seems like X wishes to go as a soloist once the contract with dream ends

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Stray Kids

X is in a relationship but he has not been faithful as he is texting another person through text/instagram and the texts are rather suggestive 

X will go through a whole physical change in 2025

X baby scare

expect some changes in X career in 2025

X will be traveling soon for a solo project 

X went to see a shaman in order to remove some evil eye he had on his shoulder but also to cut ties with someone who has been obsessed with him

Solo music for X in 2025

X is frustrated with his life because he has been stuck in the same pattern for the last months and he is unable to come out of it 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Monsta X 

there wasn’t much i can say about X other than he has been living his life happily

X is truly kind, and lately he has been trying to be more kind with the people around since he know he has made people suffer 

X is in a relationship with someone that korea consider like one of the most pretty/female celebrities in korea

X has been dealing with addictions and lately it has been worst 

X will show a new phase of himself with a new solo in 2025

X will make collaborations for 2025 when it comes to music. he will also be more active in social media and raise his community

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

TXT

X has been trying to be positive with their life but it's not easy when there’s so much going on with his mental health

Xs energy is completely chaotic. a lot of anger, a lot of despair and overall negative red emotions. all because they haven't been active 

X is currently dealing with some serious health issues related to his stomach/digestive system/ habits of eating

X has been at peace for the last three months. a good relationship as well, he is happy and content 

X has been physically active, which also has impacted his sexual life. he might have caught something that he didn’t wanted to because of the lack of protection 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Seventeen

X has recently decided to take the big step with his partner (probably private marriage)

X is single now after a long relationship. he has won a lot in wiseness and he is mourning that relationship 

X is happy and determined to take control of his life and welcome all the blessings that he has been receiving lately 

X has been talking with 4 different girls and they all learnt that he was flirting with them. the moment he learnt about it, he dipped 

X is very humble and he understands and accepts critics about himself when it comes to his career. not when it comes to his personality 

X has met his forever person a few days earlier 

Since April, X knows that the person he is with isn’t his forever person but he doesn't know how to end a relationship this long 

X is patient and he believes that love and fortune will come to him in the rightful moment 

X has grown in maturity in this year, and he is now prepared to take a further step onto his personal life 

X has been waiting the right moment before he can maybe start a solo career 

X has been turning to his faith lately in order to be able to deal with the issues and the problems he has in his own life. faith helps him a lot 

X has introspected a lot about his life. he knows he has a purpose but it's not always easy to deal with intense feelings like he does

X has also been developing his spirituality. he believes in a lot of things, and he has been opening himself to it in order to hold into life 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

BTS

X has no intentions of keeping his career alive. Whenever he does solos it's because the company asks him to. in 2025 it's probably that he wont do anything because he simply doesn't want to 

In mars, X will take a drastic decision concerning his career that will shock the public 

X has been thinking a lot about the mistakes he has done on his past and he hopes nothing will be published 

2025 will be a creative year for X and he will be doing a lot of things for his carer 

This winter has been very hash for X because he just doesn’t know what do do with himself and his career anymore that doesn't feel forced

X is under the company's protection after the scandals that HYBE has been involved in. X has been involved in a few things as well related to that 

X has been taking refuge in a lot of things. alcohol, his home, his friends, his family. anything is enough to hide the feelings he bares

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

EXO

X has been struggling with his mental health a lot although he doesn't show it because he doesn't want his fans and his members to be worried about him

X is protected by SM after some shit and rumors have been going on around. X believes he doesn’t need that protection because whatever happens, he will drag the company with him

X has been dealing with quite a few ghosts it seems

10 days ago, X realized that he is not ready yet to do what he truly wants. X has been working toward something that he holds dear but he needs to wit before exposint it 

X has been doing very god despite fans thinking that he isn't okay 

X is a strong man and he has been making sure to keep himself and his family away from the spotlights

February will be a complicated month for X because a lot of things will be requested out of him

X has cheated on his partner and he has been lying to people around him about the reasons for their separations. he hasn't been honest with fans either 

X has been introspecting on his life because he has been very anxious lately about the world in general 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Ateez

X doesn't show it but he hides his feelings a lot from the others. there’s some comments about him that hurt him a lot. specially about his physique 

X wil be doing a solo project in 2025

X has been thinking about moving out and having something in common with his partner but he doesn't know how to make it happen while benign discreet

X has gave up from therapy which he had been following this year 

X is having some heavy family issues and he unfortunately cannot do anything about it. he is caught in the middle 

X misses his dad a lot and hisses his grandparents a lot too.

wait 7 days so you fan can receive X little gift 

X will take a while new unexpected turn with his career in 2025 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

The Boyz

ever since X’s last travel that went wrong, he has developed heavy symptoms of anxiety 

X has been gathering courage to assume himself, to be the real self after years of denying a specific part of himself 

X will have an amazing 2025 year, with a lot of recognition and solo works alongside special collabs 

X has been rejected 

In order to fight his anxiety, X has been focusing on living the present moment 

seems like X will make a new meeting with the love of his life in the next days 

X has been searching something, seems like love with someone, but the other person hasn't been giving him what he wishes 

no one knows or is able to see that X has been very alone and lonely lately 

X is in a toxic relationship with someone and he has been trying to write about it on his lyrics 

X is dating an idol who is currently blonde, they have been together for the last 1 months and half 

 X is dating but he isn’t aware that there’s a third person in the relationship. his partner isn't cheating but this 3rd party sure wants to break them up 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Enhypen 

X’s self esteem is so high that he doesn’t believe when people say on internet that he is ugly for example or when they criticize his physique 

X is another idol who has spent his days instructing about himself and how to become a better idol for the public 

X has bad intentions toward another member of his own group 

X has been dating his partner for the past 15 days 

X has been very active with people around. his masculine is at peak and he uses that to affirm himself 

X is going through a process of healing after months and months of bad mental health 

X wants to leave the group. Seems like 2025 will reverse a few surprises for the group 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Treasure

X will leave korea for a promotion/project he has been doing with his sponsor 

out of all members X is whom has the idol person more genuine and lose to his real personality 

X is dealing with codependency in his relationship but also substance abuse it seems 

This winter was a good cycle for X who has found their person, and he seems to be very in love with them 

X has a good intuition when it comes to know people's intentions toward him and others

two months ago, X has broken up with his partner but it seems like he is the one suffering from that choice 

X will take an important decision for his carer in 2025

X has met someone new that he ha been developing a crush on

expect X to b able to show a new side of himself and to be the center of attentions in 2025 and on his group 

X has true child-like behaviors outside the stage. some members get annoyed that he lacks maturity 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Zero Base One

X misses his family terribly and he would give up his career if it meant going back to his family 

The issue with X is that he is unable to forget about the rumors or the scandals about himself which also does not allow him to move with his life 

X has been trying to get away from a saesang, it has been one year since he is dealing with this obsession and its tiring him 

X’s money that he has been winning, beside the debts he has to pa to the company he has been giving it all out to his family (brother) 

X and another member from the group have made peace after an argument 

X is slightly ore balanced emotionally after a debut of year quite complicated 

expect X to have a new contract in 2025

there’s days where X wonders why the hell does he wake up if its to live these things 

2025 will also change X career

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Boys Next Door 

X is in a way better mood than what he was before. his mental health has improved

X takes medication for his mental health but it seems like he has been developing some type of addiction to it 

X got in a relationship this december 

X might go through mourning 

Bet that X will have quite a good festivities this end of the year as he is planning to enjoy every drop he gets

X has been treated unfairly compared to the other members and even exploited 

♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡♡➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳♡

Riize

X has been suffering from deep and annoying headaches. his body is telling him that it's giving up but it seems like he doesn't understand it 

Solo for X in 2025

The anger that X has in him is no joke and i am scared that one day he won't be able to contain it and it just explodes on the wrong people 

solo opportunities for X as well in 2025

X will accidentally spill some information that will fire up the internet 

X energy has been improving a lot but he still needs to be careful who he calls friend 

[ipcearn]

I had this talk yesterday with a few friends, because one of them is currently really going through it with burnout and post-covid and shared their mother's reaction to it essentially being but what will society think what will your friends think when you aren't productive

Like legit worried we would all run off on them because they prioritize their mental and physical health right now

I've been suffering from depression since I've been 16, been suicidal on and off, most of my friends don't even know me from before then, and I couldn't pry them away from me with a crowbar - and believe me I have tried during my most self-destructive phases

The idea that this friend group would abandon one of their own because they have to put themselves before their job is absolutely absurd to me

[elumish]

In the wake of what's going on in the world, I see a lot of rhetoric that basically boils down to the idea that everyone has a responsibility to watch every bad thing that's going on in the world all the time. That awareness itself is a responsibility that everyone has always.

I'm not going to say that people do or don't have a responsibility to be aware of things, but I want to talk about how to take care of yourself and others while doing so.

For some context, I spent close to a year and a half reading about every terrorist attack in the world as part of my work on the Global Terrorism Database. It was 2015/2016, so this was the height of ISIS/Daesh, it was a major time for Boko Haram, and it was when there was a lot of political violence that we weren't sure how to classify in places like Yemen, Crimea, and Libya (stuff the GTD didn't know how to classify had all of is information recorded, and then it went into purgatory until someone above my paygrade decided what to do with it). What this means is that I was spending 10-20 hours a week reading about hundreds or thousands of attacks a month and, in my case, recording infomation about the type of attack and the type of weapon. Much of my life was reading terrible things.

Limit what you do in isolation. One of the worst changes for me during that time, mental health-wise (even though it was great for my commute) was when I went from working in-person to working remotely. With other people, there are ways to diffuse the pain. A burden shared is a burden halved and all that. That may mean talking about it, or joking about it, or finding some other way to engage with it that isn't just reading about the most horrible things in the world and then stewing in your own thoughts about them.

Find something to do that's totally unrelated. I highly recommend finding something to do with your hands, if you can (knitting, Lego, cooking, whatever), but regardless of what it is, you should have some time when you entirely switch away to something different. During a fair amount of my time with the GTD, I was also doing my undergrad thesis about terrorism on TV, so a huge amount of my life was about terrorism in some way. The only other thing I watched was Great British Bake Off, and I would just rewatch the episodes, over and over.

Be compassionate about how you share information and with whom. Use trigger warnings, and consider using consistent tagging on places like Tumblr so people can blacklist it if they need to. Also consider whether it's appropriate or necessary to share photos of bodies or other results of horrible violence. What is it accomplishing, to show that? Can that goal be accomplished other ways that don't require the equivalent of jumpscares of unexpected photos of dead or brutalized people? Are you just showing it because you think that everyone should have to see it? If you are showing it, are there ways to mitigate against harm it may do?

Do what you can to avoid an echo chamber. Sometimes, when everyone around you is upset or angry about the same thing, it just amplifies itself, and you all get angrier and more upset in perpetuity without accomplishing anything.

Work towards action. Watching terrible things happen for the sake of saying that you haven't looked away isn't as meaningful as taking action in some way. Write to your Congressperson. Donate. Do whatever is appropriate for the thing you want to stop. But penance via watching terrible things happen doesn't accomplish anything.

Recognize compassion fatigue and do what you can to mitigate it. If you spend long enough doing this, you start to lose context, and you start to become less able to have compassion about things. If you're reading about attacks with dozens or hundreds of deaths regularly, five can start to not seem like that many. If you're reading only about the worst suffering in the world, "lesser" suffering of those around you can start to seem unimportant and petty. Do what you can to mitigate that.

Be kind to yourself. You do nobody any good if you burn out. Look away, if you need to. Take a break. Do things so you can enjoy life, because otherwise you are just another person suffering in the world. Other people's pain isn't a hair shirt for you to wear.

[on-leatheredwings]

What characters from DC canon do you think would make the most terrifying yanderes?

honestly theres so many ppl to choose from LOL

Scariest brute strength wise:

Superman, of course: You can kick and punch all you want - you won't get anywhere with that. Or imagine him flying miles into the air and threatening (softly) to drop you unless you calm down. He really will do it, even if he saves you five seconds later. What's scariest is knowing that even if you ask for help, no one can save you. He's fucking Superman.

Supergirl: same as Superman, but I think she has a petulant edge that's really awful. You can't reason with her if she's already made up her mind. Even if we're talking about Adult!SG, it's like you're talking to a child, holy fuck

Flash: .............something very terrifying of a man who can whisk you away before you can blink. If you ran away, he'd of course let you get a head start, just for kicks. Then he collects you, whether you're halfway across the world or just down the street. He'd run so fast the air leaves your lungs and by the time you've come to, you're back home... Yikes. I think he'd give you a lot of vertigo and disorientation to keep your mind addled.

Dr. Fate, Constantine, Zatanna: christ. Really, any magic user can go in this slot. I think the depths of their powers are just scary to even think about. Imagine arguing with them and getting kicked into another dimension, left to lose your sanity for what feels like years, but was perhaps just 10 minutes in regular time. Sure, they would bend reality for you, but they also would bend it just to keep you in line.

Scariest ruining-your-mental-health-wise:

Lex Luthor: oh god he's just the worst. He genuinely believes he owns you, unlike most of the other DC yans that at least try to pretend you have human rights. Him being a yandere probably consists of him offering you a place in his home. If refused, you won't be able to enjoy anything ever again. You'll be followed. You won't get new work anywhere. If you're famous, the tabloids are all against you and ruining your reputation because everyone is in Lex's pockets. He'd be a more spiteful Bruce Wayne, essentially.

Batman: I can't even elaborate like you already know. LMAO

The Question: i'm sorry the amount of paranoia this man would give me specifically. I grew up around paranoid people and they do irreversible psychic damage LOL. He'll be gaslighting you AND himself into believing into conspiracies at the same time.

Scarecrow: Fear gas. Just... fear gas. :)

if anyone wants to add in replies pls do kghdksk this is more like my nightmare yandere rotation

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i talked to the school councelor because i suspect one of my friends is autistic? 👁️

(note: asshole is probably a strong word - what i’m mostly asking is if it would be a good idea)

I (17) have a friend (17) we’ll call Alex. I’ve been friends with Alex since we were in first grade, because our parents knew eachother. We kind of grew up together. Our entire lives, they’ve always been “weird,” they’ve never picked up on social cues well, they’re obsessed with chickens and know an absurd amount about them, they describe themself as a “creature of habit,” they struggle to understand when people are joking vs serious, and they are really bad at spelling, just to name off the top of my head. Now, any of these thing in a vacuum wouldn’t warrant anything necessarily, but all together i’m pretty certain they have undiagnosed autism.

Some added context, im not autistic myself, but i do have ADHD and i have an interest in psychology and how the brain works. In doing my own research to see if i was autistic, i noticed a lot of similarities between what i was reading and how i’ve known Alex as a friend my whole life. I’ve had the idea of them maybe being autistic rolling in the back of my head for like, two years now? But haven’t ever said anything about it, because i was afraid I was wrong or overthinking.

Now, here’s why i’m worried about bringing it up to anyone. Their parents are very… “nuclear family” ish. they’re very catholic, and have six kids with a seventh on the way (we live in the suburbs) and a part of me feels they don’t believe in mental health/illnesses/disorders or anything like that. They’re also transphobic, but you didn’t hear that from me. I just fear that telling a counselor would spread the info to parents who either wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t care, or would try and “cure” it. Alex already isn’t doing well mentally (they’ve talked about feeling textbook dysphoria and are in denial about it - i think they’re a transmasc egg) and i really don’t want to bring it up if it will cause problems.

BUT. I talked to my mom about all of this (we’re very close and i knew she wouldn’t make a big deal out of it) and she recommended talking to the school counselor, and im just wondering if it’s a good idea. In the best case scenario, the counselor would work to get them a diagnosis and HOPEFULLY a therapist (oh my god do they need a therapist), but in the worst case? in the awful world for autistic people we live in? i just don’t know if it’s wise. So here i am turning to tumblr, the most neurodivergent site around. WIBTA if i talked to the counselor about my friend who i heavily suspect is autistic?

[snarkspawn]

Oh look, it's that time of the year again :'D (how tf did that happen??) Anyway, hm. Mental health-wise this year was the worst in quite some time for me, so for some months I literally only had one, maybe two finished pieces to choose from. BUT on the plus side I'm fairly happy with most of the drawings I did finish, so that's good! I'll just focus on that, and on all the things I still want to improve on in the future. Here's to hoping 2025 will be less rough, and a little kinder, to all of us :)

On that note I wish all of you a wonderful end of the year and a great start into 2025! Thank you so, so much for coming with me on my art journey, for liking and reblogging, and for leaving nice comments and messages! You make it all worth it and I appreciate the hell out of you, whether you've been following me for ages or only just got here 💜 mwah!

[vimse]

Ah wow it’s almost 2025, which means it’s time for the yearly art recap. Time flies when you’re struggling through your thesis, but I’m very pleased to scrounge up at least one Tech drawing per month. I’ll do a (not so) short reflection about my 2024 art under the cut if you’re interested, but for now, I’d like to express my greatest gratitude for everybody who has stuck around and shared my art. Hoping that 2025 will be a more productive art year. Byeee 🧡

Tl;dr under the cut: ramblings about my struggle in school, 2024 highlights, hopes and dreams next year

—

Let’s look back at last year’s summary:

What's next in 2024?

More Tech. Some things I'd like to explore in 2024 is character drawings beyond portraits, anatomy, simple backgrounds, OCs, storytelling through short comics, TBB band au, and maybe some commission work

Well, safe to say I didn’t get too much of that done haha. The reason for that is I’ve been really struggling with my undergraduate thesis work in chemistry. I don’t really know the root cause of it, but I just can’t bring myself to finish it and I’ve been procrastinating badly, so much that I’ve missed two presentation opportunities. The third opportunity is within 2 weeks and I’m nowhere finished or ready. It has been a constant source of stress and anxiety throughout 2024. I got burned out by the end of May and went to the school counsel to hand in my resignation notice, but got convinced to stick around but to finish it at a later date, because this is literally the last thing to do before I get my degree. Then afterwards I decided to go back to my old job full time, which has been very tiring and took a long time to adjust to. This is very obviously reflected in the amount of full illustration produced during July to October, especially September when I couldn’t bring myself to draw anything beyond Tech’s hand lol.

If I don’t finish my thesis in time for this round, I think I’ll finally throw in the towel for real. Maybe I’ve doomed my future or something but…this experience has made me feel incredibly (and constantly) bad for a whole year, and it has affected every aspect of my life. I’m very tired of it. And although my current job is very tiresome and probably detrimental to my health, it pays well and the colleagues are wonderful. Additionally, it is a niche job that I have years of experience in, with good connections, so I’m not currently worrying about my future job at all. And it’s still within the chemistry industry, so all the time I spent in school isn’t going to waste. In regard to my future, I’m more worried about wasting all of it on a conventional 7-16 job, of which I don’t think a degree in analytical chemistry would help me avoid anyways.

Okay, I’ve rambled enough. If you’re still here, thank you. Now, let’s look back to some positive highlights in my art year of 2024:

I think I’ve finally reached the point where I’m content with how I draw Tech. As evident by the picture above, it’s sort of consistent too, which is a bonus.

I joined my first zine!! It’s the Pabu Days zine and I can’t wait for everyone to get their copy of it. Everybody’s pieces are amazing. I wish I did better/more, but the creation period was during the worst time of my year, mental health-wise, and I have to accept that it was the best I could do at the time.

As for the “masterpiece” of 2024, my most proudest work is the CX-Tech piece I did during the height of TBB season 3. I’m incredibly happy with how the rim lights turned out and the overall mood of it. Also the texture on the armour turned out sooo good, I can’t believe I was the one who painted it lol. I wish I could personally show the picture from my monitor, because all the details seem to disappear when viewed on tumblr. Below is the illustration I’m talking about, along with a side by side comparison to the picture I referenced the lighting from + some closeups. Looking back at it now, I wish I added a stronger frontal light source, so that the picture isn’t so dark.

Also, extra shout out to the back study series. I am traditionally not a painter (just grew up as an anime weeb) so making these this was an incredible accomplishment.

With that, I’m wrapping this very long post (sorry) with some 2025 hopes and dreams. Basically it’s the same things I wanted to do in 2024: improve anatomy, more background, work on OC, work on AUs. I want to try very hard to make commissions happen next year, if people are still interested. Something else I want to do that isn’t strictly art related is to connect more with people, especially with those who are still hyperfixated on TBB as I am. I find it hard to socialise on tumblr, but I try to be more social on bluesky. Idk, I think it would be fun to find a small active community that is maybe more focused on clones and oc stuff.

Okay, that’s all! If you’ve made it this far, thank you thank you thank you. Have a happy holiday and may your 2025 be a wonderful, wonderful year.

🧡 vimse

[californiannostalgia]

Processing identity as a child abuse survivor

Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).

This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.

Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.

Revelation 1: Was I Abused?

Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.

'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?

For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.

At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'

It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.

(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)

Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)

Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).

This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.

Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.

Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.

.

Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?

This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.

(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)

The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.

What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.

Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.

Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.

Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.

Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.

At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.

What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.

So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.

Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.

[poisonousquinzel]

"the only reason Harley's called Harley Quinn and not Harleen Quinzel or some other moniker is because the Joker manipulated her into thinking the similarity in her name and the name of a specific type of clown meant they were destined to be together and that means she's intrinsically tied to him forever and can't exist as a character on her own because her origin is tied to him" ass take has gotta be the worst one I've seen as of late,,, like really can't lie it's stuck in my head lol 😭

i wish i could go about life misunderstanding characters this much and thinking that one who's been a canonical domestic abuse victim since her og origin episode / comic, who is partly (story wise) inspired by a real life dv victim who survived

In the afterword, artist Bruce Timm shares that their Harley was based in part on a real-life friend who was stuck in an abusive relationship: “I’m happy to report that the ‘real-life Harley’ did finally break away from her ‘Joker’ and has been happily married to another man for several years now.”

[Source]

is a character who's "girlbossified" when she's allowed to grow past and outside of her abuser himself,, and that that means idk writing her without him dilutes her character and takes away everything interesting and flawed about her? that she should never be written without him / without her world revolving around him, due to him being the catalyst in her origin?

The Joker's part of her origin because he was the root cause of her fall, the villain, the bad guy, the abuser. that doesn't mean she's required to be forever tied to him?

This isn't even a problem in the actual comics or anything. It's just absolutely 100% not.

No one even pretends Joker isn't intrinsically tied to her story, or more specifically her trauma. No one in real life and no one in their universe.

Tim Drake literally mentioned The Joker in like the last chapter of her (2021 - ) comic ffs!!! 😭

"Did the Joker make you want to do that? Do you wanna unpack that, Harley? Do you wanna talk about The Joker?!"

Harley Quinn (2021-) #42

But it's almost like people grow and heal and evolve. Her codependency and shit are flaws that are not permanent and are things she (can) and is working on.

She's riddled with flaws and they've gone nowhere! she's just trying her best to stay afloat and better herself bit by bit because she isn't Dr. Harleen Quinzel anymore, she can never walk into a medical building and apply and expect them to not know who she is upon a singular search in the system.

She's just Harley Quinzel now, she still has the skills and experience and schooling, but she also has a long serious criminal record, severe mental health issues and is living in a city that rightfully does not trust her. She can't go back, she can't get her old life back, and she can't go back to being Her, The OG "New & Improved" Harley Quinn who's world revolved around 1 person and him alone, because she would die.

He'd kill her, maybe not immediately, but he would be the death of her.

And she knows that. It's a lose lose.

The only real option she has is to lay down and die or to survive. To float and swim bit by bit until she finds stable ground.

Until she finds a way to live with herself again.

Harley's "obliviousness" is a coping mechanism that we literally see her dealing with since BTAS.

A warped world view that does in fact make her actions more complex,, and makes the aftermath / come down all the harder for her as she has to grapple with the internal traumatic response to Everything with Joker while also dealing with the world she's waking up to and realizing the real reality of her actions and the actual pain it left behind. It's literally been in her character plain as day since her First Personal Comic from 2000!

It's something taken seriously and something she knows, regardless if she even remembers the crime, that she has a responsibility to take accountability for. She almost lets Clown Hunter execute her because she was involved in his parents death, even though she doesn't remember the night, she trusts Batman enough that if he says she was there, she was. And she's going to own up to being there. She starts a therapy group for ex clowns post Joker War, she's become a (court ordered) professor and during all of these arcs Joker and his influence on her and her life are mentioned and acknowledged and present.

He's not been removed as an intrinsic aspect of her story, but he is no longer the center of her world and that is a good thing.

It's almost like character growth after 30 goddamn years is something that happens.

And! you know who else is intrinsically tied to Harley Quinn's character just as much as The Joker?

Poison Ivy and Batman.

Her three primary connections since the Beginning, since the original series that everyone wants to pretend was so so different about her than it ever was, was Joker, Batman and Ivy.

And a primary goal (Harley wise) for 2/3 people she's been connected to since Batman The Animated Series has literally been to get her away from the 3rd. They've just successfully helped save her in most universes now, even when she's the one who pulls the trigger in the end.

It's been over 4 years since I made this blog and I still cannot wrap my head around this fandom's deep seeded hatred and disdain for actual character development.

"Sorry", but that's just such a disgusting take built on misinformed foundations and idk a personal rage for bad guy characters not being bland, predictable one note entertainment for the rest of their miserable existence in comics until they're shelved for being fucking boring one note d-list characters?

[littlemisspascal]

2023 & Me

Been thinking a lot these past few days about everything that's happened with me in 2023. Hard to believe it's coming to end--time seriously does fly 😮

There's been some heavy losses this year. Several family members passed away to illnesses and old age, including my grandfather who I had a strained relationship with to say the least. I also had a shocking family drama bomb dropped on me earlier this month that has had a huge ripple effect I'm still navigating, but fingers crossed things will find a way of working out for the best.

I had some severe mental health depression episodes throughout the year, made me reevaluate priorities and also doubt pretty much every choice I've ever made in life, but I do truly believe I'm entering 2024 in a positive mindset so that's something to be happy about :) I'mma try this crazy concept called self-love and not think the worst about me, myself, and I.

My writing took a hit this year. Word count wise, kudos wise, engagement wise--but I also made progress on several wips and even finished a few which is a big accomplishment for a snail writer like me 😊 I want to enter 2024 not feeling guilty for being self-indulgent or trying new kinds of writing styles. I also want to shake off the belief a low note count equals it was a bad fic/waste of time -- I don't believe that for anyone else, yet my brain always uses it as a weapon of insecurity against myself and enough is enough brain ���� no more I say!

On a more positive note, I was fortunate enough to attend several conventions this year and improve my cosplay skills (2024 Ahsoka is gonna be my best look yet I just know it 😁). I got to meet total sweethearts Jon Bernthal and Charlie Cox, Steve Burns my childhood hero, the dear Jodi Benson, the gorgeous Rosario Dawson and beautiful Ming-Na Wen, and of course I can't ever forget Andrew Garfield 😱💗 And most importantly of all I did each these cons with my sister and made some lifelong memories! (Also bought a heckin lot of stickers. A heckin lot 🥰)

And then of course the crown jewel of 2023 1000% hands down was attending the United States Formula 1 Grand Prix. Good lord y'all it was one of the best weekends of my entire life! If you had asked me a couple years ago if I'd care about a sport--any sport--I'd have laughed in your face but there's just something so addictive and captivating about the world of F1 and its cast of characters. And having the luck of getting Alex Albon and Daniel Ricciardo's autographs on my dumb lil frog bucket hat was just *muffled screaming* I literally was a shaking mess lemme tell ya--just ask @beecastle and @undercoverpena who were there with me on my phone every step of the way 💜 thanks for putting up with my addiction y'all! Much much love to you both!!

AND THE FRIGGIN FACT SOMEONE GOT A PHOTO OF ME AND DANNY TOGETHER 🥺😭😭 NEVER BE OVER IT NOPE

There are so many people on here that made 2023 a bright and kind and fun one for me---@oonajaeadira @something-tofightfor @wheresarizona @trinkets01 @kyberblade @sofasoap @grogusmum @writeforfandoms @psychedelic-ink @kteague @prolix-yuy @wildemaven @the-blind-assassin-12 @practicalghost @gnpwdrnwhiskey @bishtrouille @nothoughtsjustmeds @kirsteng42 @miraclesabound @radiowallet @harriedandharassed @hopeamarsu and dozens dozens dozens more!

Thank you to everyone who's liked, reblogged, commented on my blog + sent me messages! I appreciate and love you all so much more than words can ever express 💜💗💙🧡

2024---let's bring it on! 🥳

[foggyfanfic]

Bruno's Health After the Walls

This has probably been done before, in fact there's an analysis of the long term effects Bruno's terrible posture has probably had on his spine out there somewhere, that lives rent free in my head. But I wanna do it anyways!

So, let's talk about how living in the walls for ten years probably affected Bruno's health.

First and foremost, let's talk about what isolation does to a person, particularly lack of human touch. Because Bruno was probably ok listening in on his family's conversations, but he has gone a decade without a single hug. I'm sure most of us have heard of that one study where they took a couple of orphaned babies and just didn't give them any physical contact. The babies almost died. So yeah! Bruno is not ok.

Then there's lack of sunlight. It's possible that he's been sneaking out to get fresh air every once in a while, so we'll say this is minimal. But a slight vitamin D deficiency still means lethargy, insomnia, bone/muscle pain, and his OCD would be worse (sunlight helps boost serotonin). So, Bruno is not ok.

He's probably malnourished, even if he's stealing enough food from the kitchen quantity wise, his cooking limitations and reliance on scraps probably means he's not getting a balanced diet. Depending on what nutrients he's not getting this could lead to muscle loss, decrease bone density, affect his immune system, and cause heart problems. And if he's relying too much on a certain food group that could lead to all sorts of long term damage to his digestive system, think things like an overworked liver. Bruno is not ok.

Sanitation is another thing, we see that his living space is overrun with rats. They are a remarkably clean animal, but they still have to poop and stuff. Overexposure to feces of any animal exposes you to all types of disease, viruses, bacteria, mold, you name it. Combined with how dusty it is back there and Bruno is probably breathing the grossest air in human history, possibly doing permanent damage to his respiratory system. Bruno is not ok.

Finally, add in the physical activity required for him to navigate in the walls. There's that big ass hole in the floor that he's apparently been vaulting over for years now. While running is good for your cardiovascular health, it is hell on your joints, and if he already has all of the problems listed above it’s a miracle his knees haven’t given out. Some have suggested that Julieta’s food only heals people if she’s the one giving it, let’s hope for Bruno’s sake that’s not the case, because otherwise… Bruno is NOT ok.

In conclusion, Bruno is not ok after spending ten years in the walls and he is going to need some serious rehabilitation. Honestly, realistically, I would expect him to have scurvy, or be missing hair and fingernails, or something; but it’s a kid’s movie so let’s just handwave a little and say the miracle has prevented the worst of it. The good news is he seems to have held up remarkably well mentally speaking, and is only a little crazy, so with some love and support (and healing magic) he’s still able to have a happy life.

[yourleftpinkytoe-blog]

Ask game!! Number 24 c:

24.how has fandom positively impacted your life?

This one is kinda hard for me to answer because of just how deeply not only the fandom but the series as a whole has affected me.

So as a whole this fandom saved my life. In my freshman year of high school I was truly at my lowest mental health wise. I was fourteen, in the midst of the worst depressive episode I’ve ever had, and full of self hate and just a shit tone of other issues. At that point id tried to end it a few times. I’d gotten the books for Christmas(my grandma got them thank god she didn’t read them omg) and seeing as I’d just gotten almost all my thing confiscated by my parents, except my books, I decided to read them. And when I tell you they changed my life i mean it in every way possible. Seeing people like the foxes, like me, growing up and having a chance to not only live but to heal, idk man that changed something for me.

So ever since i read the books three years ago they have stood as my motivation to exist and keep going. The fandom as a whole also helped with that, other people making more content and seeing others hold the foxes as dearly as I do it has and continues to make me feel thing every day. And not to say that the books fixed my mental health but they have been a crucial part of me helping myself. They motivated me to reach out and find a therapist, to try and reach out for the help I needed.

This feels dramatic but honestly thanks aftg fandom your really cool

[oetscop]

hey! absolutely love your art and your rainer interpretation- can you talk about your headcanons lore-wise involving rainer and mike? honestly you can talk about more than just those two as well i'm very curious about your interpretations honestly.

YOOO I LOVE UR RAINER ALSO thank u.....

this will hopefully not be complete word salad. bc my brains fried already, but my views on petscop characters are esoteric and best and downright incomprehensible at worst. so idk how legible this will be JDKSHSKSBSK

uhh ill start with like. jill is significantly older than anna and lina. rainers actually fairly close in age to anna.

rainers biological dad isnt in the picture and actually went missing a few years after him and jill divorced. it runs in the family i guess. but since tom was there longer hes only ever called him dad, and both jill and him took the last name hammond when they got married. and mike was actually an accident! a welcome one tho. jill and tom were in their 40s and rainer was like 16 or so.

they were very close tho! he was very close with his immediate family. for the brief time he was in college he still lived at home despite the commute.

mike would sit and watch him work on the game all the time. he wanted him to teach him how to code (thats why he created the "petscop kids" after school program! at first anyway...) but 5-6 year olds dont exactly have the attention span for explaining how the dev kit console works. unless theyre belle i guess. but he did get into art! and considering rainers also an artist he encouraged it. mike would sometimes draw his own pets to be put in the game, but since it never went past evencare they never showed up. he did sorta base toneth on mike, and that was before he based any of the other pets on other family members.

mike went missing shortly after rainers mental health was declining. he ran away after some argument with his mom, and nobody remembers what the argument was even about. since this was after marvin hit the dog with the car, and he was beginning to experience psychosis, he immediately made the connection and believed marvin had something to do with it. the cops found it a little suspicious that rainer somehow just knew he had been struck by a car, and he was the only suspect for quite a while. tom had to vouch for him pretty hard and get him a lawyer.

as for vaguer things. the newmaker plane was started in an attempt to find out where mike wouldve run to. he was already recording movements in game, so he put all of mikes in game behaviors into a to scale version of their town, trying to train it to show him where he couldve gone. this obviously didnt work. didnt help that it was completely flat terrain and like had only their house, the marks house, the school and like a couple roads. it actually lead him to the opposite side of the town than where his body was located.

marvin is ALSO severely mentally ill and was convinced that care was lina reborn before any of this happened. obviously anna didnt believe that since shes still. yknow. alive. but rainer introduced the A/B/NLM concept to him, and they both began to believe care was just lina A reborn. pre traumatic event lina. they were both trying to see if they could somehow force something like that to occur, in an attempt to bring mike A back. when belle didnt work, they figured she was too old, so they moved to care. part of this whole "changing your past" thing involved plucking out her eyebrows (lina A had trich) and essentially trying to reenact aforementioned traumatic event. thats why marvin kidnapped her to keep her in the school. and it didnt work! just traumatized the fuck outta the kid. they never had the chance to do anything to "bring mike back" by the end of it, which lead to Bathroom Tomb Event. however, last belle heard, he was pretty certain paul was actually mike A. she tried her best to keep that from paul before they became distant.

i feel like the core of a lot of this is that i really dont believe that the rebirthing process does anything at all. with enough manipulation you may start developing false memories, sure, but its not actually working. in retrospect it makes rainers character a lot sadder. just a terrified kid trying in vain to bring his baby brother back. its not easy losing someone so young in such a horrible way without knowing who took his life.

BUT UUHHH YEAH ^}^ can you tell ive been thinking abt petscop pretty much nonstop since the end of 2022 i bet you cant

[divine-toh4]

Life Advice from a Dad of 5

Hello, my few followers. I’d like to tell you a story of what happened today.

I started having a panic attack. It was sudden. It was related to my gender dysphoria. It claimed the title of the worst one I’ve had in years.

I tried calling my therapist, but I’ve since found out she’s sick, so she didn’t answer the phone. My next idea was to call my dad. I’m so glad I did.

For context, my dad is the greatest guy you’ll ever meet. He’s funny and smart and he’s the only person in my life who knows and understands what it’s like to deal with the stuff I deal with, mental health wise. He is my best friend. And he is great at reassuring me. It doesn’t always work, but today it did.

Anyways,

I called dad and he picked up almost immediately. I was already crying and hyperventilating at this point, so he jumped into action. He guided me through my best-working coping mechanisms and talked very gently. It was nice (as nice as a panic attack can be).

When I calmed down, we had a long talk. He started saying a bunch of stuff, and the post-panic-attack-clarity set in. Everything he said had this… weight to it. I can’t explain it. Maybe I can. It’s kinda like trust, but deeper. I felt it right in my very soul. I then got the idea to start writing it down.

I would like to share with you what I wrote.

(Note: some of this is paraphrased.)

There’s always hope. The only time there would not be hope is if you quit.

There’s no reason to be embarrassed for who you are, even if it’s not who you wanna be.

You do your best to be as ready as you can, and you roll with the punches.

It’s not all big wins. It very rarely is.

And sometimes, the only thing you can do is shake your fist at the sky and scream at the universe “Hey muthafucka, I’m still here. I’m still here.”

Feelings are apart of what makes us human, baby.

The sun comes up.

I hope his words help someone else as much as they helped me.

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

So anyways I remember Hamilton the American Musical existed

-the song You’ll be Back

Fits perfectly for Space Riders Angel and Proto

Like it is too perfect for those two

Oh my God, I just remembered my Hamilton phase way back in 2017- AHEM. That song? Is exactly them, down to the toxicity I imagine they have.

Worldwide!Angel in the Space Riders AU fleed the cult after a long time of not wanting to be there anymore. The final straw was an Hour of Joy where Angel had to take care of the planet's citizens from being hurt by the cultists, and after months of planning an escape, they did it to never come back. To me the Prototype in the Space Riders AU took this as both an offense and a direct hit to the heart (if he has one lmao), but he was always a bit possessive and controlling of our Angel. He's the kind of partner who would demand to know where you have been if he thinks something is strange, except you just did the same stuff you always do.

I stand for toxic yaoyuri and I WILL say that Space Riders Prototype thought of Angel as both his property and his tool. They were his right-hand, his greatest weapon against his enemies, his wonderful achievement. This Angel willingly let the Prototype experiment on them, which is part of the reason why they are SO good at combat in this AU, and also why they sometimes spawn a set of woobly arms on their back. Kind of like a trophy wife, depending on how you see it! Angel fleeing and using everything Proto achieve against him... Yeah, that HURT.

AND. I'LL ADD MORE TO THIS: Even after 10 years, the Prototype still thinks he can win Angel back to his side via gifts, favors or promises that he'll toooootally be better this time around, just come back to him, he'll be good, he's not going to torture people for sport anymore, he promises! Which just screams how little Proto actually knows Angel but the idealized perfect weapon he made them be for him.

I say all of this, but Prototype genuinely cared for Angel. In his own twisted and awful way, but he did care, and deep down he still does. But he refuses to change, and will never do so. Meanwhile, Angel got through the worst of the worst mental-health wise the decade post fleeing, and nowadays has a pretty decent support system that will back them up whenever things get dire!

[missedx1njectionz]

my addiction story:

just a disclaimer, a lot of people say that you cannot get addicted to cannabis but i highly disagree. this addiction has completely fucked over my life in many ways and i’m only just recovering now. yes, it’s not as bad as hard drugs, but it still can effect memory and give you psychotic disorders. anyways, here’s my story

back in 2019 i was having a hard time with my mental health. i tried everything medication wise and therapy is barely working. i heard that medical marijuana was legalized in minnesota so i decided to give it a shot. it took a couple months but i was approved and i ended up starting fast. i was deciding what option to go for when i realized they had carts as an option. i went for carts because it was a quick and easy option.

at first it worked, i felt less anxious and mellow and i thought things were getting better. i eventually did too much and hallucinated at one point but that’s not the worst part. i realized i was getting a tolerance to it. instead of taking a tolerance break i smoked MORE and it became a full on dependency. the withdrawal symptoms got stronger and stronger the longer i smoked

it got to a point that i smoked every day, every hour, for 5 years. it turned into a full on addiction. it gave me psychosis, it gave me drug induced bipolar 2, it gave me memory problems. it was hell. and i still wouldn’t get high because of the major tolerance i had, i was just doing it so the withdrawal symptoms didn’t happen because i was scared of them.

that was until february of 2024 when i decided to go into a detox facility for 5 days. it was a rocky time being there and being the only autistic person in there was hard due to many sensory reasons and the other patients not accommodating my autism but eventually i got off of cannabis for good. my family also helped me out with getting off of cannabis

during the recovery process at one point i felt like my depression was lifted and i felt like life was brighter but that went away in a couple of months. now my mind is more clear and i’m less manic. i’m glad i got out of this addiction because if i didnt i would fuck up my brain even more. now i’m 6 months sober

thank you for reading 💕