#like this woman for example. would. i am in gay pain

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Character development is using other people’s failures and instead of just ha-ha reacting actually applying it to the decisions I make in my life

[runerapier]

If you don't mind me asking, what makes you interpret Angeal as anything other than a straight man? He's the least gay character I've ever seen and he doesn't act gay either.

I'm going to assume this isn't sent in bad faith but this is pretty on point with the definition of stereotyping. I mean if you’re defining being gay by how someone looks or acts that is your first problem. Angeal has very outwardly masculine actions and appearance, I’m not really a fan of the insinuation that masculine men don’t “look” gay enough. Angeal isn’t even a hyper masculine or toxic masculine character, he is almost always described in a way that is seen as nurturing or caring. His own fan club compared his hobby of cooking to that of a wife. Things like gardening are often seen as more a “feminine hobby.” This isn’t to say Angeal breaks insane boundaries but Angeal isn’t this rigid masculine character in the first place. Besides my personal headcanons, Angeal and Genesis' stories take quite a bit from The Fall of Mankind (and religious and mythological symbolism in general but I'm going to try to stay on track). They purposely made two male characters represent Adam and Eve, and this isn't the first time they have done something like this in a final fantasy game. For example: while they are more developed than Genesis and Angeal, characters like Fang and Vanille are based on the Nordic myth of Ragnarok. There is a lot of information that couldn't be included in the final game of Crisis Core but is still intended canon, I'm going to be using a lot of that as a reference point. The full explanation is pretty extensive and I'm also not an expert on The Book of Genesis. I tried my best to do research for this, but it is possible I am still missing things and that this can still be expanded upon.

I'm going to start off by giving a deeper explanation on how Angeal represents Adam and how Genesis represents Eve. Genesis already has a very strong connection to The Book of Genesis because of his name. Rhapsodos comes from rhapsody, his full name is literally "genesis reciter". Genesis and Angeal were the first two attempts at an artificial “cetra” created by Shina representative of Adam and Eve being the first humans created by god. (While there is some debate if the first woman is Lilith, she is often been seen as a demoness.) The kanji for Shinra already is a direct reference to god, and is symbolism for how they like to play god themselves. The image below has a great explanation that is much better than what I can do, but to keep it short 神 (shin) literally means god or divine and 羅 (ra) is derived from 網羅 (mōra) which means "encompassing".

The fruit of knowledge is typically portrayed as an apple, which connects with banora whites. It represents temptation, Genesis offers the apple to others when talking about truth and revelation. Instances like in Nibelheim, Genesis offers the fruit to Sephiroth after telling him the truth of his origins. Sephiroth rejecting the fruit is a sign of him rejecting the truth, and we see he continues to go along with a story he is happier with. Sephiroth decides to believe misinformation that is less painful, the rejection of knowledge is indication he is not Adam or Eve.

Banora is heavily connected to the flow of the lifestream, which is what makes Banora whites grow any time of year. The lifestream is said to contain knowledge of the planet and its people, that being what powers the fruit further reinforces the idea that they represent the fruit of knowledge. Banora being the source for what is essentially miracle fruits powered by the planet, it is clear Banora is meant to be Eden.

Minerva is said to be sleeping in the caves of Banora, she represents the will of the lifestream. Though Minerva is connected more to Roman Myth and Sophia from Gnostic belief, I would still say she emphasizes the holiness of Banora's land.

Angeal has a story about not stealing to reflect Adam trusting god and not taking from the garden. God's words to Adam were "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, for when you eat from it, you will certainly die." (Genesis 2:17) Angeal stole from other trees besides the big one that had the most delicious fruit. While it can be argued Angeal didn't steal from Genesis in general, Angeal's story focuses solely on the biggest tree with the most tempting fruit, that tree represents the tree of good and evil. At the end of the game, Zack eats an apple under this same tree with Genesis, protagonist and antagonist sharing from the same tree. Shortly after eating the apple Zack learns the truth about how long it's been and leaves to meet his fate.

Hollander approached Genesis with the truth of his origins, convincing Genesis to help him with his plans in exchange for a cure that Hollander never had. Eve was afraid of eating the fruit and dying because of what God told her, but the serpent convinced her she would live. “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:4-5). Both being deceived, they were convinced that they would live if they defied God, and become the catalysts for knowing the truth. Eve did not want to be alone in her defiance so she looked to Adam, much like how Genesis approaches Angeal to persuade him to take revenge against Shinra.

Besides Eve being referred to as Adam's wife, Adam also placed his trust in Eve above god. He decides to listen to her and trust her despite his creator telling him he will die. Angeal places his trust in Genesis above Shinra when he decides to defect, believing he can rationalize with him despite this being high treason.

This has happened before already, Angeal placed his trust in Genesis above Gillian and defies his mother to join Shinra. Gillian didn't want her family to be connected to Shinra and despite how highly Angeal respects his mother he still defied her wishes for the sake of following a dream with Genesis.

This leads into the next part, less about how they parallel The Book of Genesis and more about how they parallel other characters in the narrative. This makes me a little nervous to talk about so I’m going to put a small disclaimer that I am not arguing for any canonicity of ships because I think it is a waste of time. However, I think discussing characters' feelings that push their motivations is important.

In the narrative, Angeal also greatly parallels Cloud, I feel like this isn’t something that is talked about enough in general. They share a great deal of small parallels like both enjoying landscape photography, being associated with wolves, and elementally representing lightning. Besides surface level things, both Angeal and Cloud have a guilt complex and feel responsible for the people around them. The main parallel that’s important to this conversation is their childhood friend from the same countryside town.

Cloud was inspired by Sephiroth and his desire to protect people he loved like his childhood friend, Tifa, to join soldier. This is similar to Angeal joining to be with Genesis; their childhood friends are motivators for both of them.

This is something that’s pointed out in DFFOO as well, Angeal hears about Tifa and immediately draws the connection.

Both Cloud and Angeal feel responsible for protecting and looking after their loved ones, Angeal is seen as a caretaker type for this reason. Both Cloud and Angeal want to help fulfill the dream of their childhood friend, Tifa's was being saved by a hero and Genesis' being to share an apple with his hero Sephiroth. We see this when Cloud berates himself for not being the hero Tifa wanted and Genesis telling "Angeal" the dream has been fulfilled implying it has been something he knew about and wanted to help him achieve. Angeal's will in Lazard only fades away after Genesis said the dream came true, like there was a sense of fulfillment and that he could finally pass on after holding on for so long.

I find it interesting they intentionally draw parallels between Genesis & Angeal and Cloud & Tifa, people who have more explicit romantic feelings. I think Angeal and Genesis are supposed to represent a more “genuine” version of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. Angeal represents the story cloud wanted to have throughout ffvii, having a childhood friend who never grew apart, who stayed together, and who followed a dream together. Angeal genuinely made soldier, and for a time he felt like he was in control of protecting others unlike Cloud. This contrast stays until the end, Cloud and Tifa learn to repair their relationship while Angeal and Genesis fall apart. Despite having everything Cloud wanted, it was not enough to sustain. This contrast is important in emphasizing that it is not about your background or your past, it is about what you do now and having people to fall back on. None of this is meant to be used as proof Genesis and Angeal are canon, but rather talk about Angeal's strong devotion and feelings for him since he was at least a teenager. They do not perfectly replicate the fall of mankind but it is interesting nonetheless. Here's to hoping we get to see more of how they interact in ever crisis.

[mythsandheather]

It's a story involving Greek Mythology and we have yet to see 2 men dating each other. The LGBT representation in LO isn't really good because even thought Morpheus is a fun character, her being trans was revealed on a Facebook post 😑

And I rather not talk about the "stereotypical background lesbians"

I could not believe my homosexual eyes when I saw the “grooming is good” dumpster fire that is LO being listed and praised on websites as examples of good gay rep. These are the kinds of people who think corporate pride is doing enough, that Rupaul’s Drag Race is all there is to drag and that Harley Quinn is good rep.

The only thing we’ve gotten close to a gay male character, intentionally anyway, is Eros’s annoying ass and he got shoved into an off-screen straight marriage so fucking fast, it’ll make your head spin.

He exists to be a gay best friend stereotype, complete with seemingly nothing to do but roam Olympus all day and night like a lost soul until the next time he and Daphne are called upon to be Rachel’s mouthpiece and salivate over all the cheek-slapping P+H are doing.

Of course some other characters are kind of implied to be queer too, such as Hera and Echo or Poseidon and Amphitrite, but like Eros’s whole ass marriage and child, they get minimal screen time compared to every painful second of every work P+H speak to each other.

And then there’s the one actual canonly gay couple aka the incest lesbian stereotypes. I’m a fat butch lesbian. I know I’m not seeing Rachel make the one token fat woman and the one token butch woman the only lesbians and I know I’m not seeing people hand over their money and praise her for it. I know I am not fucking seeing that shit.

Speaking of unflattering, negative stereotypes…poor poor Morpheus. I can’t remember the last time I saw trans rep fumbled this badly.

Even so, we’re never going to see any openly gay men or any men dating each other in LO. That’s just a fact. Every man in LO is either unquestionably thirsty for Persephone, shoved into the background or evil. Queerness would risk humanising them. Perhaps it’s a good thing.

We all make better headcanons and art anyway.

[koheletgirl]

You talked a little in your post about how you became anti-zionist about the israeli left's aversion to religion, and I've noticed it aswell but could never fully manage to connect these dots. Do you mind sharing a bit more about it?

let me preface this by saying everything i say here is based on my own experience and observations. what i'm going to say here will be oversimplified and i apologize for that, however i am in no headspace to get into the full nuance of this right now and i do want to talk about this.

so the influence orthodox judaism has on israeli politics is a major, major topic that i am going to address a few aspects of here. the first one (which is the least interesting one to me) is the idf. military service in israel is mandatory for every citizen over 18, but haredim are exempt from it. quoting wikipedia here (sorry), "haredi jews maintain that the practice of studying the torah (or reciting) [...] is crucial in defending the israeli people from threats, similar to an additional 'praying division' of the military". to non-religious zionist jews, this is seen as a betrayal. this, combined with laws that allow yeshiva students to live on government allowances rather than working, makes a lot of israelis feel like they're being taken advantage of by the haredim. it's not uncommon to hear people say haredim are "living off of" them.

another aspect of this, which genuinely causes me (and a lot of other people, obviously) pain, is the way jewish law is incorporated into israeli law. you may have heard last year about how abortion is allowed in judaism under certain conditions; this is true, but if i wanted to get an abortion i would have to go in front of a committee to determine whether i meet these conditions. orthodox judaism doesn't allow driving on shabbat, so there is no public transportation on shabbat in israel (shabbat being friday afternoon - saturday evening). if i want to get on a train or a bus on a weekend, i can't. a christian or a muslim living in israel can't either. there is no legal way to get married as a jew in israel without involving the rabbinate, which means that gay marriage is illegal, interfaith marriage is illegal, and so forth (if your last name is cohen, you're not legally allowed to marry a divorced woman, for instance). and worse, if you are jewish and considered married in israel (even if you didn't get married in israel), you can only get divorced through the rabbinate. which means the woman has pretty much no say in this, and there is a phenomenon in israel of women who are married against their will (i recommend watching gett: the trial of viviane amsalem, because it's informative but mostly because it's an incredible film).

these are just a few examples of this. to summarize, the influences jewish law has on israeli law are prevalent as it is, and a lot of the current israeli leadership is seeking to make them even more so. and this reality is very scary to a lot of israeli citizens, jewish or not, myself included.

now, here is where it gets unpleasant. the israeli left is mostly hiloni, non-religious, and heavily opposes all of this. for good reason! but what i have noticed, is that it creates a general aversion within the left to judaism in particular and religion as a whole. it creates a hostility. my relationship with judaism is incredibly complicated, and most of it stems from the fact that i live here. i have friends who feel a genuine disdain for judaism, because of the way it's manifested in israel. and there's a very real fear that one day soon we will become the minority, and find ourselves in an ultra-jewish theocracy. it scares me, genuinely, as a woman and as a part of the queer community. it scares a lot of people.

and this is where it ties to the left's fear of a one secular state solution and the right of return. this very real fear of living in a jewish theocracy, manifests itself in the much less realistic fear of living in a muslim theocracy. i always get to this point when talking to my parents. they ask me if i actually believe that this won't happen if jews are no longer the majority here. and an argument that is always present in conversations about the fear of secular jews becoming the minority is that "they (haredim and other religious jewish groups) reproduce a lot faster than us". sounds awful, doesn't it? but statistically speaking, the more religious you are, the more children you have. and they use this same argument when talking about palestinians.

israelis talk about palestinians as if they're all hyper-religious muslims. we've seen this recently, in israel's attempts at pinkwahing. and they teach us about islam in school, with every islamophobic stereotype you can think of. they showed us "not without my daughter" in arabic class. so islamophobia is rampant in israel, obviously. and what i have noticed with the israeli left, is that even the most progressives of them are still terrified of the prospect of becoming a religious minority, because it's a fear they deal with daily in the face of the current israeli government. that is not to say they're not also islamophobic, many (most) of them are. but personally i think it's fascinating to see how this ties into how oppressed they feel by a religion that they're a part of. how scared they are of religion as a concept. how very concrete fears of where this country is currently headed tie into fears of where a hypothetical multi-ethnic secular state would go.

again, this in no way encapsulates the full situation or even just this issue. it's just something i've been thinking about a lot lately.

[docholligay]

I know GoT only by reputation, and what little I've seen of it on tumblr, but... sometimes, I feel like fantasy, as a genre, has been absolutely ruined by the success of GoT. Everything these days seems to be about making settings and characters as nasty, brutish, and dirty as possible. It's incredibly tiring, and really frustrating, to the point of feeling like these sorts of tropes are being repeated for their own sake rather than because they actually do anything for the story or characters.

(Also, being the sort of person who easily becomes queasy at the sight or thought of blood, and has issues with everything being so darned loud, this tends to be a particular pet peeve in television, but even books aren't completely immune to this effect either, which makes it doubly frustrating.)

I mean this in the nicest possible way, please imagine me saying this with a big smile on my face and laughing as I take a swig from my beer, but you and I are SO diametrically opposed on this!

I mean, anything can be written BADLY, of course, but I fell out of reading fantasy as i got older not because it all became A Song of Ice and Fire but because it all seemed to be "a brave young woman!! IS the chosen one!! And she will prevail over SUPER DARKNESS. And only the parental figure will die, to motivate her, and everyone's intentions and clear and good, and also there are dragons I guess." There's so much narrative safety. There's so many last-minute asspulls to save someone. I would LOVE some well written political machination but there are dragons though. That's why I liked Locke Lamora!

I think we have a tendency to notice the things we hate. So for me, Fantasty now is fucking lousy with ~queer retellings~ that are all very life affirming and nice and all that but all the eating each other out in the world isn't going to get me over the hump of wishing there were actual, painful consequences for being an idiot, or even just unlucky.

Part of why people named Doc, who are me, really like Song of ice and Fire (please note I actually DON'T like Game of Thrones) is that anyone COULD die. The books would not CHEAT TO HELP THE GOOD GUY WIN. And for me, that was everything. As a young teen who had read so so so much fantasy but was starting to feel really resentful of the way it never seemed to mirror the moments of difficulty and pain in life, it meant so much (I think the show edged too hard toward Cheating To Help The bad Guy Win, but that's another matter)

But obviously you and I are totally different people. You admit to being squeamish, so of course you don't care for things that involve violence. I, on the other hand, am an excellent person to have in any given bloody crisis, as I have Done Time in Ag. I am, to give a real life example, the person you calmly call into the kitchen to help when you've nearly taken your finger off with a meat slicer. I have a smile and a "We can handle this!" to give. I, on the third hand, have had life experiences that make, "the magical salvation of being nice and believing really hard" feel like an actual-ass insult. I never met a war that didn't take its chunk, and you don't get to pick where they come from.

These are just differences of personality. Fucking magical princess witches in the forest running from the bad guys but overcoming it all with sass and gay love because we're twelve I guess exists for you, and grimdark machinations toward a lead crown of thorns where evil brings profit and virtue none at all because fuck happiness everyone should be a German concrete salesman is for me. I think there's probably more of what both of us like than either of us are actually admitting.

However, everything is too loud for me all the time also, I really recommend eargasm earplugs, which come with a very small container and are nearly invisible and discreet when in. They block some of the sound but not all of it. Many people in my life casually don't even know I have them or sometimes put them in for louder places.

[partly-hueman]

All about Jazz

I'll admit I have seen exactly ONE episode of I am Jazz and there is one thing that stuck out like a sore thumb. Jaron's mom, (Jaron is his real name) is a psychopath. I don't mean that in a crude name calling way. I'm describing her.

In 2003, when Jaron, "Jazz" was just 3 years old his mom noticed that he kept opening his onsie. She took this to mean he was trying to change it into a dress. She became convinced that her son was actually her daughter and by the age of 5 his mom socially transitioned him into a girl.

It's like if you stumble upon some liberal lunatic who tells you that her cat is a vegan. We all know who made that choice.

Jazz's mom consulted the UK trans lobby group Mermaids. Who has since been exposed as frauds and just downright evil bastards. At a conference in 1998 a Mermaids speaker admitted only a third of children exhibiting gender dysphoria "will grow up to be transgendered adults". Over a half would be gay, she said. And that was 25 years ago, before trans became the latest and greatest cause of the left. http://gender.org.uk/conf/1998/merm

Then she she then took Jazz to see Marilyn Volker, a therapist who had been a sex surrogate. She had sex with her clients, and even married one of them. Top notch care eh? So what was the outcome? Puberty blockers of course. This would help Jazz and his "traumatic gender dysphoria" as his mother calls it.

Once puberty blockers became available Mermaids became Britain's foremost campaigners for their use. But if only a third of kids with dysphoria will become trans adults, two thirds of the kids who get medicalised are not receiving any so-called "benefit" from blockers. Even those who may become "trans" are being harmed. The cognitive impact of blockers appears to be major and irreversible. Young animals on blockers become more anxious and withdrawn. The Tavistock found they made gender dysphoria worse in many kids.

Marci Bowers, Jazz's surgeon and star of "What Is A Woman", has admitted that no child who goes on blockers at the "recommended time" will ever be able to sexually function properly or orgasm. Did you catch that? Thousands of kids are being deprived of their birthright to become a sexual adult.

Why are so-called "trans kids" put through all this pain? I have a theory that the parents and doctors harbor a nefarious subconscious disgust for effeminate boys and butch girls.

Isn't it ironic that gay rights -which began as a movement championing sexual freedom- has been taken over by a cult that now sterilizes mainly gay teenagers, robbing them of sexual freedom?

Jazz has become what we have warned people about for over a decade. At just 21 years old, Jazz has become a tragic figure. Obese, depressed and often suffering from anxiety attacks, he has struggled to form anything remotely like an intimate relationship.

We were sold "Jazz Jennings" by The Church of Transgenderism and it's cult members. "Jazz" is a true success story and is propped up and highlighted as a rousing success of early gender reassignment for children. In truth, he’s been left sexless, sterilized and physically mutilated. Jazz is not an example to follow. His tragic life is an indictment of the trans movement.

[cocklessboy]

Conditional Male Privilege

Not long ago I wrote up a long post about my newfound male privilege when it comes to health care which uh. Kind of broke containment.

This past week I had an experience which reminded me that no matter how much progress I make, my male privilege is still extremely conditional.

There are the obvious points like, I'm gay, and soft, and gentle, and chubby, and short, so a lot of people see me as "not a real man" even if they don't realize I'm trans.

But even in the very situation I used as an example of my privilege before (health care), that privilege can be stripped away in an instant if you get the wrong doctor.

Last week I had to see my GP for an urgent problem: I had covid. (They insisted I had to come in person, though obviously I wore a mask.) I have a lot of chronic health issues, and I wanted to try antivirals to reduce my odds of getting long covid (even though my symptoms weren't too severe). Because it was urgent, I didn't get a choice of which doctor at my clinic I would get to see. And the one they sent me to was a woman with a history of dismissing my chronic health problems and pain as "just anxiety."

I had not seen this doctor since my transition. But as I wrote in my previous post, any female-presenting readers will know what I mean when I say she "talked to me like a girl."

First off, she called me in by my deadname. She is the only doctor at this clinic who does this. Everyone else knows to call me by my real name even though it's not officially changed yet. There's a big obvious note on my file. But she called me in by my deadname (in front of the entire waiting room) and when she saw me, she didn't quickly apologize or correct herself.

I explained the issue: I have covid (they tested me and confirmed it) and I want to try antivirals because my chronic health problems (still in the process of being formally diagnosed) put me at greater risk of long covid.

And suddenly I was a child again, facing a mean lady doctor who wanted to lecture me about how I was wasting her time. She didn't scold me, didn't get angry. She just laughed. She chuckled at every concern I brought up. She raised her eyebrow. She rolled her eyes several times.

She refused to check my file. She refused to take my temperature. She kept telling me to "stop worrying so much."

I explained, calmly, rationally, that I would like to try antivirals to reduce my risk of long covid. She explained, holding back laughter, that I "wasn't that sick" and "it's not like you're at risk." She specified, "It's not like you have an autoimmune disorder or something." I countered, calmly, rationally, that in fact I was at risk, or at least there was a strong chance of me being at risk. That I had a lot of chronic health problems that have been documented for years, that one of my doctors suspects and autoimmune disorder such as MCAS (given that I have bad allergic-seeming reactions to almost everything including most medications, even antihistamines, and severe acid reflux that prevents me from taking most meds that might help me), and that while the process of getting a diagnosis might take a very long time, my symptoms ought to make it clear that I am at a higher risk than a typical person. What's more, it's the middle of summer, in a heat wave, the infection rate being reported is extremely low, and there should be no shortage of antivirals for those who want them.

Refused to check my file. Rolled her eyes. Scoffed. Repeated that I'm not that sick. That I'm not at risk. Put on her "okay, sweetie" voice and insisted that I was fine, that I just needed to "stop worrying", that "covid is mild now," that I just needed "vitamin c and a bit of rest," and that she "wasn't worried."

If I found myself with a bad cough or a fever, I could come back to her (she specified) in a few days for a check-up. I told her I already had those symptoms. I'd been suppressing the cough with menthol candies to avoid frightening the other patients and spewing germs everywhere, but I'd been kept up all night hacking up phlegm.

She raised her eyebrow and told me to take some Robitussin.

I told her I already had a fever, which was going up and down, but at its highest was high enough that adults are advised to seek medical assistance. She rolled her eyes and refused to even check my temperature.

She gave me two prescriptions for the symptoms and sent me on my way. I grabbed them at the pharmacy and looked at them closely when I got home.

One was a nasal spray. I can't use nasal sprays because of sensitivity in my nose, so that one was out immediately.

The other was pseudoephedrine (good, that's good stuff and not available OTC in this country)... combined with Loratadine. A fucking. Antihistamine.

She prescribed this to me less than five minutes after I finished explaining to her that I can't take most antihistamines.

Despite my increased confidence now that I'm on HRT, I still freeze up when faced with a hostile doctor. I have too many years of trauma (and too many autism gremlins) to be able to stand up for myself the way I should. I've tried memorizing the scripts - please write down in my file that you refused to give me this treatment and your reason why, and I would like a printed copy of that when I leave - I feel like you are treating me differently because I am transgender or because you perceive me as female and I would like that reflected in the notes for this visit - etc. But in the moment, all I can think of to say is "but... but.... but....... but I really am sick....."

And I've been masking my autistic traits and hiding my pain and illness for so long that a doctor who has already decided I'm a hypochondriac will always reply, simply: you don't look sick to me.

I wrote to the clinic asking for a written explanation for her refusal to give me antivirals, as well as a request for a different prescription because, "As I mentioned during my visit today," I couldn't take the antihistamine.

She replied by apologizing for the medication error and sending me a new prescription (pseudoephedrine + ibuprofen - you can't get pseudoephedrine on its own in this country). She did not respond to the part about refusing me antivirals.

I have booked an appointment later this week with the good doctor at this clinic, the one who takes me seriously and actually wants to help me. The one who gave me a referral for a pain doctor (something I'm still trying to get an appointment for - there's a shortage of specialists in this country). This time I'm going in prepared. I will follow up with him on my current state, and I will bring notes. I will tell him what happened with his colleague, how it made me feel, and how frustrated I am. I will ask him if there is any avenue for me to lodge a formal complaint. I may not have been able to stand up for myself in the moment, but I will not simply let this slide. It's too late for antivirals, but I will ask him to at least make sure the visit I had last week is recorded accurately in my file.

Fortunately my covid symptoms are mostly gone already and it seems I was lucky. Still, it will be some time before I am 100% sure I haven't gotten any long covid symptoms. And the fact that there was a medication readily available that could have increased my odds and I was refused it for no reason other than misogyny (doubly frustrating when directed at a trans man!) is utterly infuriating to me.

I am still better off than I once was. Most doctors DO take me more seriously now.

But my doctors will always know I'm trans, even when I get my paperwork updated.

And there will always be doctors who treat me like a woman.

And there will always be doctors who treat women like shit.

They shouldn't have talked to me that way. They should never talk to anyone that way.

[obedienttransgirl]

Hello everyone. My name is Amber. I am a 31 year old closeted trans girl. Due to circumstances within my life, I am sadly not in a place where I can be able to transition and live as my true gender. I suffer with depression that I have been living with ever since I was a kid due to being born in the wrong body, OCD, and some trauma from my childhood. I wanted to create this blog so it can be a place where I am able to be myself and not have to pretend to be a man, as well as a way to escape from crushing reality of my life. This blog will contain a mixture of my interests and hobbies, expression of my femininity, and to engage with my kinks.

Before I created this pinned post I used to engage with some kinks that….. well I’m not really proud of. They felt really good and aroused me, and I don’t think I’ll ever get rid myself of desire to engage with, the fact is they made me feel worthless and made me even more depressed. I think I was using them as a form of self destruction because I don’t really like myself that much but no matter how much they turn me on it only made me feel worse about myself. So I went through my blog to delete posts I made or reblogged and unfollowed tags and other people who engaged in those kinks as well. In a way I’m hoping to make a fresh start to my account. If there happened to be people who followed me explicitly for those types of posts I am truly sorry but I no longer wish to take part in those kinks. I think that’s most of what I wanted to say so I’ll finish this post off with a little info about me.

Interests: Video Games, Anime, Metal Music, Alt and goth aesthetic, and cute kitties and cats

Sexuality: I’m bisexual and 100 percent a submissive bottom

Kinks: Gentledom, feminization, mind control/hypnosis, Bimbofication/dumbing down, having someone take control of my life, tell me what to do and to make all decisions for me because they know what’s best for their good girl better than I do. Basically I want to be someone’s obedient good girl pet. And also I love degradation(within reason) and I have a misogyny and patriarchy kink

Hard Limits: Pain play, hardcore degradation ( I like degradation to a degree, like telling me I’m a dumb slut that needs to submit to a man is fine for example, but I don’t like being told that I’m worthless, or disgusting or being told no one will like a freak like me or similar extreme degradation) ,homo and transphobia, pedos, misgendering, and no matter what, never ask me where I live. Other than what country I live in I will never disclose my location. Anyone violates my hard limits and I will immediately block you. Edit: I am personally ok with the term sissy. Most trans women are not and for good reason but I am ok with it but with limits. I am not a sissy fa**ot. I am not a sissy boy or boi or whatever. I am a woman, and if you want to call me a sissy girl that’s fine. But I am not a gay boy, femboy or whatever kind of other boy you can think of. I am a trans woman that happens to be ok with the term sissy. Please respect that.

One last thing, I would love to roleplay as a pet but I will never meet anyone in person nor will I talk via voice chat or show pictures of myself. I am not ready for that and I just can’t do it. I have severe social anxiety due to childhood trauma and I can’t go any further than text chat. I will also never do tributes. If you are under 18 years old, LEAVE THIS BLOG IMMEDIATELY!

I am not looking for masters or mistresses. I’m a closeted trans woman and for now I need it to stay that way.

[qiyra]

hey uhm your addition about faggots being specifically made to cause more pain during witch burnings is just straight up wrong.

like stop spreading misinformation???

it's just a bundle of sticks to use in a fire. that could be your oven at home, a campfire or whatever else you'd need a fire for.

where did you even learn that blatantly wrong information and just accepted it to be true???

Quick answer: you don’t know the etymology of the word beyond the 1300s definition and you’re mad that other people do.

Here’s a resource that semi supports your statement that faggot doesn’t mean what I said, however, historical accuracy doesn’t quite matter when in the face of people actually using the word to mean something else

And here’s an answer that directly references the historical usage. Surprise! It comes from the church!

https://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2009/07/a-burning-question.html

Q: I am 58 years old and I learned back in sixth grade that “faggot,” the derogatory term for a gay man, is derived from a term for bundles of wood used to burn witches and anyone else thought to be evil. The last time I looked, Wikipedia pooh-poohed this idea. What’s the scoop?

A: When the word “faggot” first showed up in English around 1300, it meant simply a bundle of sticks, twigs, or small branches bound together for fuel, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

There was no suggestion that the resultant fire would be used to burn witches, heretics, or anyone else thought to be evil. The word is still used today in the sense of kindling, especially in Britain.

It wasn’t until the mid-16th century that the term was used in reference to the burning alive of heretics. The first citation in the OED, dating from around 1555, is by Hugh Latimer, an Anglican bishop.

In a collection of sermons and other writings, Latimer refers to “a few flying apostates, running out of Germany for fear of the fagot.” (Note that the term here refers to the kindling, not the heretics.)

In the late 16th century, “faggot” also came to be “a term of abuse or contempt applied to a woman,” according to the OED. The first citation for this usage is in a 1591 discourse on the immorality of Athens.

Thomas Lodge, the author of the discourse, uses the term “faggot” in reference to “an Athenian she handfull.” Why would a woman (even a “she handfull”) be called a “faggot”?

The word sleuth Dave Wilton, on his website Wordorigins.org, speculates that the usage “probably comes from the idea of a faggot being a burden or baggage (not unlike the modern ball and chain).”

Not until the early 20th century did the word “faggot” come to mean a male homosexual. The OED describes this usage as “slang (orig. and chiefly U.S.).”

The first published reference is from an entry in a 1914 slang dictionary: “Drag, Example: ‘All the fagots (sissies) will be dressed in drag at the ball tonight.’ “

It’s no surprise, of course, that a term for a woman would one day be applied to a gay man. Another feminine term, “queen,” has been used since the 1890s to refer to a male homosexual.

“Fag,” in this sense, is simply an abbreviation of “faggot.” It’s been around since the 1920s.

In an early citation (from Death in the Afternoon, 1932), Hemingway sneers at “those interested parties who are continually proving that Leonardo Da Vinci, Shakespeare, etc. were fags.”

The noun “fag” has many other meanings today, especially in Britain. For example, it may refer to a cigarette or to a younger student who performs chores for an older one at an English public school.

Why is a public-school drudge called a “fag”? This meaning comes from the use of the verb “fag” in the sense of to work to exhaustion.

As for the cigarette sense, the OED suggests that it may be derived from the use of “fag” to mean something that hangs loose, as in the fag end of a piece of cloth. But where does this hanging-loose business come from?

It seems that an obsolete meaning of the verb “fag” was to droop, decline, or flag. The OED says this sense is of “obscure etymology,” but “the common view” is that it resulted from a corruption of the verb “flag.”

[anadrenalineslut]

I'm obsessed with the fact that she sampled king of my heart for maroon. First of all, let's talk about how fucking optimistic of a move that is because maroon is depressing as shit.

Like. Okay. Maroon is about Karlie Kloss, we all know that by now. Let's talk about the themes that keep showing up in Taylor's work as a result of that relationships lessons and her current one with Joe.

Like, king of my heart is about Joe alwyn. I can't see any gaylor connection to it besides reading the line "cause all the boys with their expensive cars" as a lesbian confession of comphet but that's a reach and a half. I don't think this line necessarily means anything other than all the other men I've dated were very rich and famous and that clouded their morals but you're not famous/rich and you make me feel real. Like, there is a heterosexual explanation for this line and I think the heterosexual explanation is more in line with the rest of reputation and her relationship with Joe than anything else.

Midnights is an interesting album because while I do think it's very Joe centric, it does unravel a healthy dose of gay trauma especially in the context of the Karlie relationship. For example, Labyrinth is about falling in love after losing Karlie see lines like "you know how much I hate that everybody expects me to bounce back, just like that" in context with "it hits different this time, because it's you," as well as "I'll be getting over you my whole life."

I think the choice of using maroon as the color of choice to describe their relationship, in contrast with calling the relationship with Jake a basic red is very very intriguing. First of all, I am living for the Jake slander and especially comparing him to a woman in which he has lost the competition. Like, im pretty sure Jake is a sexist pig and it makes me happy that in the taylor cinematic universe taylor gave the complex red shade and meaning to a woman over him. Because yes, the relationship with Jake was painful but that's because he was being an abusive groomer not because they were equals in love.

Karlie and Taylor, though, they were in love once upon a time. They were equals, and they were friends and their love was deeper because of it. It was a heartbreak unlike anything taylor had ever felt because she had always picked a safe male option or she was being groomed and manipulated by older men, and she was unprepared for how deeply being betrayed by a WOMAN would feel like. 💔 anyways, maroon is a devastating song but using king of my heart is such an interesting sample choice.

Like, obviously, you can take it to mean that I'm wrong about king of my heart being about Joe alwyn but I dont think that's the case here. I think the reason she sampled king of my heart is because she did move on from that hurt, she did learn to cope with the trauma of that relationship and she is so much happier than she ever was in that relationship with Karlie. Not only because of the betrayal but let's not act like Karlie doesn't also have an ED and they weren't feeding into each other's bad habits while they were dating. Taylor was her skinniest in that relationship, for a reason, and that reason being Karlie made her ED worse. For so many reasons, Taylor is reflecting back on that love she thought was going to be the one golden thing in her life as just another burnmark left by a fire red love but ultimately being okay with that, because it led her to the best relationship she's ever had and the most pure one as well.

That's why King of my heart is sampled, because she was able to move on from the devastation that permeates maroon and she WAS able to love again. She knows now, no matter what happens, she is strong enough to lose anyone and anything. She is enough. She doesn't need anyone else to make her whole anymore, Joe never saved her. He just loved her in all the bad lights and good lights of who she is, he saw her as moonstone the first time they met and he's made her feel like that every single day ever since and that's just so fucking beautiful. I'm amazed at her brilliance and her mind. I love that she's made all these different connections that just spell out life lessons for her readers.

I love maroon so much, I love midnights so much.

[jackmanifold-daily]

In defence of jackmanifold-daily

better call kettle

Earlier today a despicable, scathing callout was posted by our own mod luigra… it was a painful betrayal for all of us, but thankfully, I can categorically disprove each and every allegation and mistruth contained within this evil post. Smash that like button and lets jump right in

MOD STRAD

Okay I cant lie Strad definitely did that, more than once too. But there’s something that was… conveniently omitted. He got Food Poisoning from the foul dogs. 

Strad is the VICTIM here, and painting him as being the problem is just one example of the egregious twisting of the truth all throughout this callout. 

MOD SNALZ

Maybe I can’t prove that Jackity is a pure and unproblematic ship… but I can prove that the call comes from inside the house…blog, and the crew goes down with the ship…house *epic guitar riff*

In the image provided on the original callout post you can see the usage of the word “y’alls” … which doesnt seem too strange, until you remember that I am BRITISH and would never use the word “y’all” 

No, this tag was typed by someone else… mod luigra itself. My source? Trust me. 

MOD KEY(S)

Frankly, keys has literally never done anything wrong. Keys is a chronic haver of certified 🔑 moments, and is once again being victim blamed here, kinda weirdchamp, kinda gloopydoinky. Everybody wishes they were keys, unburdened by suffering and full of swag, this was clearly a callout spawned from jealousy.

MOD PEP

This is an OLD message, from long before pep had met our beloved keys, who changed their beliefs wholeheartedly. Pep does now ship jack manifold. The lgtbq community has forgiven pep cosmosisfold. People can change, man, thats so beautiful.

MOD TEA

Was that night not dark for us all? During the long, cold jack manifold lore drought? Did it not hurt most of all for poor tea???? Democratically elected owner of c!jack, who made this prediction, only a light joke, to be struck down unwillingly by the gift of prophecy…. also xe is sleeping and cant defend themselves??? You wouldnt call out a sleepyguy. So immoral. 

MOD CASEY

sigh… this is the worst accusation of them all. First of all, martyn is neurodivergent AND a minor. Which speaks for itself. Secondly, As circled in the image above you can see a difference in white colour, the wrong font for discord, the covered up original text. sloppy work tbh

Here you can even see the harshly named channel: martyn-hates-gay-people-and-women created by joy… who first sent this same supposed image… curious. Seems… sus.

MOD LUIGRA

Didn’t think I would made a defence for every mod here and leave the perpetrator out, did you?

No, listen well, good people of tumblr. Despite my clear evidence that the original callout post by the traitorous mod luigra is like, cringe or whatever, luigra is in fact… innocent too (gasp)

Joy is… literally a woman? The only woman on the server, which shows that we really need to do better, im sorry women. God forbid women do Anything. Also she goes through the horrors and maybe even the terrors every day, so, completely innocent. 

Let out that breath of relief, dear follower, you can continue enjoying the jackmanifold-daily blog free of fear, happy april fools <3 thanks for all the support, these guys are my best friends and im glad i got to meet them through this silly blog <33

[patricia-von-arundel]

Okay, here's the thing -

One of the arguments trotted out about people who are trans is that their genitalia may not match their "outward appearance."

(Though honestly, who cares? Does a "masculine" woman get a pass simply for not having a penis? Or a "feminine" man for not having a menstrual cycle? Do we draw the line only at whether you have innie bits or outtie bits??? Because my belly button would like a word, if so.)

Let's talk a little more about that - the genitalia thing.

First of all, one of the "gotcha" arguments is that if you are a gay man, you wouldn't have sex with someone with a vagina, and if you are a lesbian woman, you wouldn't have sex with someone with a penis. Let's keep it simple as that, for the moment, though I realize there are shades of bi, pan, etc., in as many colors as a pride flag. So - simple.

But even there... is it?

It's rarely referenced as dating someone with certain genitalia. Only sex.

But not every relationship, even romantic ones, is sexual. For all sorts of reasons. People may be ace, may have pain during "traditional" intercourse (PinV intercourse), may have trauma related to sex, damage to or development of genitalia such that it isn't possible to have "traditional" sex, may be celibate for their own reasons, or any other reason. Can someone not date, even if sex is out of the picture?

Of course they can.

And here's where the dating-vs-sex thing really comes into play. Those who insist genitalia must be both "normal" and used for sex to qualify as male or female clearly believe "relationship" is defined by "sex."

But it isn't.

And that's something that has to be factored in in using genitalia and sex as defining what is a man or a woman. Especially considering there are conditions where chromosomes don't match up with physical and sexual development. Individuals may have the XY chromosomes generally seen in those with male development and genitalia - but have some or all female genitalia development (aside from the uterus) and secondary sex characteristics (such as breasts). On the other hand, there may also be an individual with XXY chromosomes, and they develop with male genitalia, but few secondary male sex characteristics (such as increased body hair). In either case, individuals are often sterile (though genetic research is slowly finding ways to circumvent this), but regardless, develop female sex organs, male sex organs, or some combination (and there is some debate about including these conditions as being intersex, but I'm not informed enough to speak on whether I would agree with that or not - and regardless, it is irrelevant to my current focus).

Okay - so there are situations where a woman (with female genitalia and secondary sex characteristics) is XY, and situations where a man (where male genitalia and some secondary sex characteristics) is XXY.

So to loop back around, we already have situations where chromosomes don't match the development of sex organs. Already well on the way to having to rethink genitalia = gender. Let's then consider genitalia = sex = relationship.

I'll offer my own preferences as an example: I am physically and sexually attracted to women. If I were to seek a sexual relationship with a woman, would I consider penetrative sex if they have a penis?

Probably not.

But - would I consider having a non-sexual or non-penetrative romantic relationship with a woman who has a penis?

Absolutely!

And here's the thing: if there was someone I was very into as a romantic partner, would I be averse to that if they were 100% asexual and not interested in any sex?

Nope.

Love and relationships are built around partnership. Having a penis (or vagina) isn't what I would immediately discount in looking for that. By the same token, I'd be fine on the other side, if I found myself attracted to and compatible with someone asexual and sex-averse. Sex is not the central part of a relationship, for me, and it isn't intrinsically for anyone else! Again, this is partnership, and partnership is two (or more) people coming to a mutually-agreeable consensus about what each requires in a relationship. That can include sex, too, of course - someone is not a bad person because they do feel there has to be a sexual element to a relationship, just as they aren't a bad person if they never want to engage in any sexual behavior at all. Both are fine! And a healthy relationship is built around compatibility, open communication, and healthy boundaries.

So again - I would not personally want a sexual relationship with a woman with a penis, but that doesn't mean any person in a lesbian (or bi, or pan, or poly, etc.) relationship would share the same preference. There are probably lesbian, bi, etc., women who want penetration, and wouldn't mind or even prefer a penis. Strap-ons exist for a reason! 🤷‍♀️ And it's much the same as wanting a BDSM relationship, an open relationship, etc. - your preferences and theirs need to be considered and a decision reached if the relationship is to remain healthy and happy. Having preferences does not make a person good or bad, nor does it mean anything is wrong with their own comfort zones. Just as you shouldn't have a sexual relationship with someone who wants an open relationship if you would prefer to be 100% monogamous, it's fine to prefer to date a woman with/without a penis (or a man with/without a vagina). And, again, a romantic relationship doesn't have to be sexual at all! Nor does a committed relationship have to be romantic, but that's beyond the scope of this discussion.

The scope, in the end, is this: chromosomes and/or genitalia don't 100% define what makes a man/woman, any more than being into bondage 100% defines BDSM.

There are plenty of people who would prefer a woman with a penis or a man with a vagina, plenty of people who have a preference but not one so strong they can't try to find ways to work around it that are mutually enjoyable for both parties, and plenty of people who do not want a penis or vagina even if they would prefer a sexual relationship. Point being, relationships, like chromosomes, are something that should be considered and agreed upon by both (or all) in the relationship.

Scientifically, intersex people, genetically male people with female genitalia, and genetically female people with male genitalia, all exist. I don't care how you feel about those who are trans or GNC, that is scientific fact based around our current understanding of sex chromosomes.

Saying you prefer not to date a woman with a penis does not mean women cannot have penises. Saying you prefer not to date a man with a vagina does not mean men cannot have vaginas. Some people prefer those taller than them - it doesn't mean, if you prefer tall men, that short men do not exist. And it doesn't mean you can't adjust your preferences or comfort levels based on other aspects of the relationship. There are some who are asexual and sex-repulsed, some who are neutral on sex if a partner wants it, and some enjoy sex even without initial sexual attraction. If these things aren't difficult to understand, and find examples of in your own relationships, why is the line drawn at genitalia as defining gender?

It shouldn't be.

Hi - I prefer women who do not have penises. I would not be in a penetrative sexual relationship with a woman with a penis. Were I in such a relationship, we'd need to discuss how we can either find mutually-agreeable sexual alternatives, or end the relationship as friends who realized their respect for one another means a romantic, sexual partnership where each has different needs is not going to work out, but neither has done something wrong.

Regardless, I still think women can have a penis. Trans women are women, whether they have surgery to change their genitalia or not. Trans men are men. And for all those who shriek about science as justification for their transphobia - check above. Science says women can be XY and men can be XXY.

A relationship is not inherently centered around sex and genitalia. Neither is gender.

Deal with it.

And if you start giving me bullshit in the tags, especially transphobic bullshit, I'm just going to chase you off my blog with an axe. 🤷‍♀️

[starlight-phantom]

🤡😈🎶 for the fic writer asks and 4, 19, and 31 for the OC asks! ^^

🤡 - What's a line, scene or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Honestly there's three main ones that come to mind and I was so disappointed that none of them got attention from readers, although I guess that just tells me that my sense of humour isn't very good.

Two of them are from my P5R Chat fic, the first one being the group talking about Goro giving Ren his phone number after the interview where Ren says the Thieves do more than the cops and everyone laughing at Goro with Futaba jokingly saying "Oh shit, this guy called a loser on national TV, I have to slide into those DMs"

The other P5R Chat fic one is from the showbiz chat (between Goro, Ann, Sumire and Hifumi) and they're talking about all the interviews Goro used to do and how often he'd be asked about his type of woman when, in this fic, Goro is gay. So he remarks about "What was I supposed to say? 'What do you look for in a woman?' I don't. I look elsewhere."

And the last one was from my Gorotaba siblings fic where Futaba is teasing Goro over text about his crush on Ren and how he won't admit it, so she sends a link and says it's Goro and I actually put a link in the fic and it sends you to a YouTube video of I Won't Say I'm In Love from Hercules.

Explaining these jokes here suddenly makes them not seem funny anymore and now I'm just embarrassed. Also, I've noticed that all three examples are me teasing Goro. I love this boy, but I love teasing him even more.

😈 - Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

I never really write sad stuff to be mean. Mostly I just have a sad idea, it makes me sad and I realise it would work really well so I write it and sometimes it comes out sadder than I first thought. For example, For The Best was the first fic that made me cry while writing it and that caught me completely off guard.

However, I will admit, I did add in some extra scenes in the flashback section of Someone I Used To Know just because it would make it more painful and while, yes I was grinning when the idea hit me, I don't consider it playfully mean because I was hurting myself too.

🎶 - Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I'm stuck on my phone so listening to music is pretty much the only thing I can do while writing because fuck you I'm not paying for YouTube premium even though it would really help me focus because for some reason hearing people talking instead of music helps me focus more.

And unfortunately, I'm stuck listening to the same songs on repeat and have been for months because my phone's music app is weird and randomly deleted a bunch of songs and won't let me get more. No, I don't know how to fix it. And yes, being stuck with the same 200 songs on repeat for the past... Half a year? Has been driving me to insanity, thanks for asking.

Don't even suggest using Spotify because I am a grandma in a 22 year old's body and I have no fucking clue how to use technology.

4 - A character you rarely talk about

Unfortunately, that's most of them... Especially since certain ones get a lot more attention than others. But it's mostly the ones with personalities I find difficult to write... So usually the serious, responsible members of the group because chaos is way easier to write.

19 - Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Honestly? Probably Sora. Because I made them after realising I was non-binary so they're my first OC who doesn't fall within the gender binary (They're genderfluid) and I basically made their personality just a free spirit like they're cheeky, they're loud, they're confident, they're unapologetic. They're basically everything I wish I was. Except for their fashion sense, I deliberately made their fashion sense terrible to make them more endearing and funny... And to piss off Kenji, who is extremely fashion conscious.

31 - Pick one OC of yours and explain what their Tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

Oh god, describing things has always been the thing I'm worst at... I dunno... I guess Aki? His blog would be full of pictures of him skating, his friends, food he really enjoyed and random rants about whatever series he's watching at the time??? And I don't even know the first thing about layouts... I meant it when I said I was useless with technology, okay?

[butch-bakugo]

Not to be an ass but yeah...

This lesbian was assaulted.... This trans woman was found dead.... Bi women get beat up on trains and are more likely to be hurt by their male partners than straight women..... This trans man died defending lesbians in germany.... These gay men are in camps in russia... This nonbinary person was killed.....

Amazing how you hear about violence aginest gay and trans people but i litterally cant find a single vetted article that shows violence aginest aro/ace pple for "aphobia". Like its always these excuses;

Aroaces face corrective rape! the "corrective rape" was not corrective and happend because the aroace person said no to sex and it was just mysogny because the aro/ace person was afab n would you look at that, the rapist was a cis man. Thats mysogny. Not to mention 80% of aro/ace people are cis women, trans men and afab nonbinary people aka the people raised litterally taught from birth that sex is not something for them to enjoy and they exist to please.

Doctors consider lack of sexual/romantic attraction to be a symptom instead of an orientation! Because lacking the desire for sex and relationships is a hallmark sign of trauma, abuse and mental illness. Its litterally symptom #1 to struggle with sex and commitment when your traumatized and ive litterally never met a not-traumatized aro/ace. I know this because im a traumatized aro/ace and no, "aphobia" isnt traumatic. Honestly, even if your aro/ace as a result of trauma, thats valid, just make sure your healing and that your honest about it.

Well, when i wore my ace pin, someone called me a queer! Thats a sign that me, being cisgender and heteroromantic asexual, am really queer! Experiencing misplaced oppression at the hands of homophobic and transphobic people dosent suddenly make you gay or trans. Also, they dont know what any of the flags mean so why tf would they care that you dont fuck unless its Tuesday? They just assume all little pins with a bunch of colored stripes mean child groomer gay pedo tranny, not demiaroace or wtf ever. They litterally only hate you because they assume you fuck the same gender or dont identify as ur brith sex. Thats it. It also dosent help that you go running around saying "im SOOO gay" and "im such a dirty little queer." When you are neither. When you say ur gay, they are gonna think ur gay. If they know ur cis and het and dont have sex, they dont give a fuck.

Well, your theory falls apart that aro/aceness is mostly brought on by trauma and mysogny when trans women, amab enbies and cis man aro/aces exist! Ok, you still havent disproven my point because 1. transfems and amab enbies usually have gender dysphoria which, speaking from my own experiences, complicates sex and makes it harder. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness and unless you bring to me 5 examples of cis het men who identify as aroace, you dont get to use them as a gotcha. Ive been gay for almost 10 years and ive still never met one, online or irl.

I also never stated that aro/aceness was purely brought on by trauma/mental illness and mysogny, its something that can just naturally happen. Ive just never seen it genuinely happen. Usually the person has trauma/mental illness or is afab or is trans or all three. All of these things, according to proven psychology, can affect the sex drive, attraction and desire for committed relationships.

Thats why every aro/ace you see is either really young and in pain, still healing from trauma or is older and admits to holding on out of spite or admit that its trauma related. There are always gonna be exceptions but unless those excepts make up more than 25% of a thing, im not considering it something totally stand alone. Its also why every ex-aro/ace carries the same story: they identified with it when they were younger and healing from some traumatic shit, they got older and got help, they healed and magically they werent adverse to sex and relationships. That dosent happen with gay pple or trans pple usually. Like 70% of today's aro/ace people are allo 5 years later. If not 5, then 90% by 10 yrs. If not 10, then 99% by 20 yrs.

Its not a coincidence. Adversity towards sex and relationships usually has a foot in the graves of social oppression, trauma/abuse and mental illness. Usually once someone feels empowered by their minority status, heals from their trauma and copes with their mental illnesses, they arnt aro/ace anymore. I speak from experience watching pple i knew when i was 13 go from traumatized and a "romance and sex repulsed" aroace transmasc nonbinary kid who hates allos and gags at sex scenes to being 20 and seeing them all just be ur average bisexual transmasc nonbinary person who kisses and fucks like everybody else. They might throw an arospec or acespec label in their like demi- or -flux but its usally just labels that mean that they are normal person who dosent fuck on sight or isnt always thinking about sex.

Im not saying that every incident of aro/aceness is a result of trauma/abuse, mental illness and bigotry but i am saying that coming to terms with that shit usually makes someone less aro/ace. Im also mentioning how many times ive seen aro/ace people throw out excuse after excuse and label after label that all boil down to telling someone to stop getting therapy and just identify as this because "all labels are vaild and inate to you. You'll always be this." Then they mob you when you get help and openly say your not aroace anymore and ur labled a "traitor" who "wasnt an actual aroace and is just a troll" cause you dare to talk about rhw toxicity and fandomization the aroace communities suffer from. I know this cause im aroace and i dont touch those communities with a 10ft pole. Aint happening. I see a person with a demigreyromantic pin and i turn the other way hopeing to got they didnt see my aro one cause i refuse to talk to pple like that.

The definitions of romance and sex are fluid for a reason and just because you think you dont fit the societal definition of a "average amount of sexual and romantic attraction" dosent mean ur right about society and dosent make you akiocupioangleddemiaroacefluxspike, i promise. All these bajillion labels fall apart the moment you mention that its completely natural for a human's desire for sex and romantic partnership is supposed to fluxuate over the course of your life and multiple things influence it. Im not opposed to microlabels and sexuality modifiers and other things people do in an attempt to find community with others who have the same experiences as them and i never have but what i am saying is that little shit like that dosent oppress you on a societal scale and never has and to think critically about yourself and others to understand that what your feeling isnt always the truth and emotions can betray you.

You arent always a trustworthy person and its always best to make long term decisions on a full stomache, a mid mood, in clean clothes and plenty of energy with enough time to be sure. Quick decisions can fuck you up and the amount of spite and toxicity coming from the aroace communities when you even so much as glance critically at them is worth a few months of deliberation before you go in full speed. Just dont come crying to the normal aroaces when you hit a brick wall 5 ft in and get bombarded with cishet sob stories of people who lost their partner cause they didnt disclose their aroace status, cupcakes and dragons, the gay dads kicked me out copypasta and a bajillion people claiming that their oppressed with their only sources being "trust me bro" and " how dare you question my experiences". If you arnt 100% informed, ur on a hundred blocklists just for mentioning that you dont like the ace flag or some meaningless shit like that.

Trust me, dont bother.

[erigold13261]

this might sound weird, sorry, but uh how exactly do u write a character’s struggle with their gender (ex.: trans umbrella) and/or sexuality (gay, bi, etc.)?

Made this a lot longer than I meant to, so putting it under a cut. I hope it helps since this is how I do it.

Actually, I realized I kinda didn't answer how I specifically write characters struggles, just how to do it. So basically, for me, I pretend to be that character and just allow myself to have an identity crisis.

Don't know if that actually helps, but I have such a weird fucking relation to my gender and sexuality that it helps me figuring out how a character might react to figuring out their gender or sexuality.

Anyway, under the cut is a lot more information that might help you figure out how to write a character struggling with their gender or sexual orientation! Hope it helps!

Make them confused and experiment? Or make them in like denial or something like that? That's what I would do.

You can also give them imposter syndrome if you want. That can be something people struggle with. Honestly just picking one thing can be a good start since some people only struggle with one part of their gender while others struggle with it on an entirety.

Even just making them ignorant can be a good starting point on why someone is struggling with their gender or sexuality.

For an example I can use 1010 for you, though their struggle with gender comes mainly from being robots and not humans, since I am a human writing them the feelings can be seen as something a human could have.

Haym is a version of imposter syndrome. For him, it's because he was given a male body even though his first body and code was for a girl. So technically he is trans, but he never went through any of the struggle of being trans and feels like calling himself transgender is lying to himself and others.

This can be seen as something an accepted and/or passing trans person could feel. Like a trans woman who who was fully accepted by family and is able to pass as a cis woman might have these thoughts that she never truly struggled and so isn't "trans enough" to actually be in the community.

Which isn't true at all, but because she feels like an imposter (like how Haym feels) then it creates this sort of grey area about how the trans person feels about themself. They are happy to be being their true self, but also feel guilty and afraid that they aren't really trans or haven't suffered as much so they tend not to celebrate their transness or won't participate in queer spaces because they feel they don't belong.

Another situation could be whatever the fuck Purl-hew has going on. They put their safety and comfort of everyone else about their own opinions and feelings.

Purl was a girl who was forced to be a boy, never felt like either because of his robot nature, and so just constantly struggled with the idea of being queer at all, but also never wanted to explore that because they felt they would be alone and isolated.

Even after the rest of 1010 came out as queer before Purl did (even though they were the one to first have any queer thoughts at all), now Purl wouldn't want to come out because it would look like following a trend but they also had the whole "there has to be someone NORMAL in 1010 or else we will die" mentality.

Purl felt safer in normalcy and routine. So breaking out of that routine and safety to be their "true self" was not something they were willing to do until they were forced out of their comfort zone/the closet. And the only reason they were forced was because being in the closet for so long seeing how other people were having fun and being happy by being their "true selves" was so mentally painful for Purl that they just ended up having a breakdown and saying their thoughts about their gender to someone (pretty sure I have it so that it is Zuke that Purl confesses to first).

But before Purl ever even thought about being any flavor of queer legitimately, they were experimenting (with drugs, alcohol, and sex) with the excuse that it doesn't matter because they are a robot. So technically they aren't queer at all.

This is kinda the mentality I see straight men have when they have gay sex. They will say that this doesn't matter because they have a wife and kids, or that because it's a one night stand or a paid prostitute that it doesn't actually count as gay sex. Or even because they are the one penetrating that it doesn't count.

You can have your character try to justify why their queer actions aren't actually queer to have them be in denial of their identity even when they are absolutely experimenting with their identity. And even when they realize that something is wrong, you can have them go into full blown denial and have them jump away from their coping actions or even dive deeper into them if you want.

Even after Purl came to terms with being queer, they still had plenty more to explore about themself. It doesn't always just end when you say you are trans or a lesbian or something like that. You continue to grow and explore yourself to see what is more right (or to see if you have changed over time).

Purl was able to figure out that they were asexual but just with a high libido because of their experimentation. They are probably also more closely tied to agender-ism but prefer the nonbinary label even after all of this time.

Which is another thing you can do. Experiment with labels and show a character's preference.

Haym uses the term bisexual even though he could very well be omni or pan or whatever else like that. Rin uses genderqueer even though it could be agender or libramasculine. Purl doesn't care to be called trans but doesn't mind being called nonbinary even thought nobinary is under the trans umbrella.

You can also a character just be wrong about themselves to show them changing. I'm sure Zimelu for the longest time identified as bisexual before and after she came out as trans because working on BOTH sexuality and gender identity can be difficult for some people.

Like even though Zimelu always liked girls and only girls, I can see her saying she is bisexual because there was one boy that looked kinda attractive to her and so she immediately thought that meant she was bisexual. And once she realized she was trans, now she kinda believed she would have to be bisexual because of a "women are supposed to like men" mentality.

You can have characters just be wrong about themselves and struggle to realize WHY something feels wrong to them. Zimelu, who struggles a bit with being feminine because she was basically built to be "masculine" in a way that shows "negative" emotions such as anger, bluntness, other stereotypical "male" emotions, thought that she would have to be bisexual because she was trying to fit into a more "standard" role by pretending to be heterosexual.

When Zimelu was a man, she could just say she liked woman without a second thought because that was "normal," but as a trans woman, she feels like she has to force herself to like men because that is what a "normal" woman would do.

Thankfully she was able to figure out that she only liked women by just having thoughts about being with a man that felt wrong. So Zimelu never really experimented with being with men. Though that did pose the struggle for Zimelu on whether to call herself straight or a lesbian because she didn't know if transing her gender would affect that label at all. So she tends to use WLW or sapphic probably.

Even with just gender stuff, Zimelu for a bit after coming out did the whole 180 thing where she tried to be hyperfeminine to make up for her "natural masculine" tendencies. This could be a good way to show an identity crisis of someone being fake and not being their true self.

Let's say you had a super badass guy who could kicked anyone's ass and drink anyone under the table. He could build anything from scratch and was your stereotypical man. But then she realizes that she is trans and goes in the complete opposite direction because she feels like she NEEDS to be this way to be seen as a woman. She hates it because it's not who she truly is, she still wants to build stuff or fight people, but those things aren't "lady like" so now you have a character who is having an internal struggle to follow society's standards for gender norms or be true to herself and act similar to how she was before.

Same thing for transmen who start acting like a stereotypical man, trying to overcompensate for their years of being a woman. This is basically an exploration of gender, which is good, but if the trans person ends up keeping the mask on and not being their true self, you can show a real identity crisis as well as a gender crisis as they learn to unpack all the learned cisheteronormative culture they were taught from childhood.

Another thing you can do is to just show ignorance of queer culture in a character. Like Neon J for the longest time didn't have the words or connections to queerness that a lot of modern day people have thanks to the internet. He grew up in a time without internet (or very rare internet for personal use) so he was completely blind to the queer culture that might have been around him but hidden.

He was walking purely on instinct of who he was. Though he wasn't one to really hide who he truly was, but he also thought that everyone wanted to be the opposite gender or likes both sexes. He was ignorant to cishetero-ness as well as queerness. He had no idea why he wanted to be like his big brother or the other guys, or why he would stare longer at girls than the other girls in his class.

Neon J had to do some trial an error, and definitely made some mistakes, but also stayed true to himself and was willing to fight people for what he thought was his true self. He always thought he was a girl, even when he knew something was off. The only reason he even started to think he was a guy truly was when he got into a car accident and his hair and breasts were cut off.

Every time before that he was just kinda playing it off of like "yo lol, what if I was actually a guy? haha!" It was all just jokes and laughs, but I'm sure his friends kinda knew it wasn't and so just always went along with the "jokes" that Neon would say.

Tatiana on the other hand, she knew something was up as a kid and by the time she was a teen was pretty sure she was a woman. Probably because her father was the time to say things like "don't be such a girl" and so Tatiana was able to figure out she wasn't cis even without constant access to the internet or any real queer spaces at a young age.

She had less of an internal struggle with her gender identity as much as she had an external struggle with the world around her constantly telling her she was wrong, confused, just going through a phase. Things like that where she was being constantly questioned and doubted for her identity.

Honestly I sometimes have Neon in this mindset too, though he was more like this with friends, while Tatiana was unapologetically herself with the whole world. The two are stubborn people who are willing to be themselves, but to different degrees.

Neon needed the accident that basically gave him free top surgery to start being himself truly against the world, but he also needed to break free from his past entirely and so moved away and never looked back. He couldn't be around people that knew him before he transitioned because he wouldn't be able to be his true self as easily as he could be with strangers who never knew him as a woman.

Tatiana on the other hand was fighting pretty much the entire time to be her true self and so was okay staying in contact with people who knew her before she transitioned. She also never looked back with her family (which was just her dad as she barely saw her step mother or half brother as family) but did stay in contact with other people who did know her when she was a man.

Both of these characters show external struggle, with Neon also showing a bit of internal struggle while Tatiana was more of a "this is who I am, I am going to change and make it everyone else's problem" kind of struggle.

You can really show all kinds of struggles with characters figuring out their identity. Even having them be sure about one part of themself and questioning another.

This is something I have a lot of asexual and/or aromantic characters go through because trying to see the LACK of something can be harder than actually seeing something in yourself. It's why a lot of asexual people start off saying they are bisexual or pan or something, because they think since they have the same reaction to everyone, that they must be attracted to everyone (not knowing that it was no reaction that they were feeling).

Like Tatiana and Eloni both are asexual (with Tatiana being aromantic), but are totally okay with their gender identity. Tatiana was sure she was a woman, but struggled a bit with relationships. At first she thought she just wanted to grow her band up, but even having one-night-stands and stuff because of her high libido didn't really give her the fulfilment she thought she needed (and just having sex/high libidos are definitely something a lot of asexuals have a hard time grasping. Even non ace people sometimes think if you are asexual that means you can never have sex at all or else you are lying about your identity).

Eloni on the other hand was trying to force himself into a relationship as soon as possible basically because he thought he needed that to complete himself (which was something 1010 pushed for so long that honestly all of 1010 thought this way, that you literally NEED someone to complete you, which Eve also told them was true as well since she believed it too).

Actually, speaking of Eve as well, she kinda falls into the ignorance category but not in the sense that she doesn't know about the queer community, but in the sense she doesn't know about herself. Even though she explored herself thoroughly, and always tried to dive into her mind, she still didn't KNOW about who she was and what she wanted. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with her because she was looking for herself in other people instead of within herself.

You can always have a character just refuse to look into themself, or to refuse a part of themself. Either because it is too much work and they don't have time, because they are scared about what they might find, or even that they are indifferent and just don't want to unpack all of that right now.

I mean, fuck you can have a character KNOW something is up but refuse to look into themself because they just fucking hate themself and don't WANT to try and be happy. Show a character getting toxic with themself and going in the opposite direction of what they think they might be.

Like a man who might be gay or trans just ends up embodying the hyper masculine dude-bro persona and becomes super homophobic and/or transphobic because of his internalized hatred for himself. This would be a good character to work on deconstructing world beliefs and helping them heal from whatever fucking broke them enough to make them hate themselves.

You can even show how them healing and finally being able to accept themself as who they truly are could lead them to apologizing for their actions and possibly inspiring someone else to change as well (you can also just show them changing and apologizing but not getting like forgiven, which is not a gender/sexuality thing, more of just a story plot point, but just know if someone changes their gender or sexuality it doesn't negate every bad thing they did because they were denying that part of themself or because they are now queer that means they are free from criticism).

Even going in that direction, you can show struggles between the queer spaces, like how a lesbian might not like a transwoman because she has a dick or won't trust a bisexual woman because she slept with men/is in a relationship with men.

How binary trans people might shit on nonbinary people, or how asexuals and aromantics are seen as not queer enough (bisexuals and trans people too if they are in a "hetero passing" relationship/are passing). Bisexuals are told to pick a side, microlabels are told they are doing too much, nonbinary people are seen as a "third gender" or "woman lite" (which honestly opens up a lot of good story struggle idea explorations for masculine or amab nonbinary people and how they are treated in the community).

I am realizing that these ideas I was giving recently are more external struggles rather than internal struggles, but that could be a reason for someone to have an internal struggle.

Someone could be absolutely sure of themself UNTIL someone comes along and questions their identity. That spark of doubt or hatred put forth can end up sowing the seeds of questioning your identity, or at the very least realizing you have to fight for your right to be present and accepted.

There are lots of ways you can show someone struggling with their gender or sexuality. You can mix and match what they struggle with vs what they are confident in.

Have someone be okay identifying with a different gender, no problems there at all, but they are afraid to use neopronouns.

Have a passing trans person wonder if they are still trans because they don't struggle anymore (or even someone who is passing trans and refuses to identify as trans because now they just see themself as the gender they identify as, which itself can be a whole struggle they went through to get to that point).

Have people experiment and get mess. Give them regrets for what they did or have them realize what they experimented with wasn't for them but they were happy they tried it.

Have someone realize they are actually gay and not bisexual. Or even that they weren't actually trans and now have to deal with the idea of detransitioning, which itself is scary in how the media and queer community ends up portraying that.

Let characters make mistakes, have fears, have wants and desires. Try to put yourself in their shoes if that helps at all! For me, that is why I end up making a lot of asexual characters, I am ace and want to explore that with characters.

Honestly, a LOT of the reason I even explore so much queer headcanons and stuff is because I want to explore my own sexuality and gender. I have no idea what I really am still. Other than asexual, I am still trying to figure out what I am.

I have a gender and sexuality crisis every couple of months, when I have this like realization that I am alive and a human being which scares me into thinking too much about myself.

I don't know if I am aromantic or just afraid of commitment. Or if I am genderfluid, librafluid, agender, genderqueer. I don't know so I just picked a label and just put my gender on the back burner until it starts to boil over then I remove it to give it some attention before putting back there to simmer and repeat all over again.

I hope this helped, I don't think it actually would have all that much since I don't feel like I went into any real helpful specifics, but if it did help then I'm glad!

Really just have fun and experiment! If pretending to be the character helps, then do that! If reading other people's gender/sexuality experience helps, then do that! Have fun and explore!

[kidkintsugi]

another epic transmasculinity moment in combination with everything that went to shit recently.

tw for below cut: dysphoria, slight n/s/f/t topics

aye so this week was absolute bullcrap?

i started hating my flatmate with a burning passion. i tried to excuse his laziness multiple times but ive given up on him. hes just an ass and a useless one at that.

i usually dont talk about other people like this because it makes ME feel bad because im being "mean" or whatever but with him? holy COW hes crossed multiple lines. very little to no remorse on this one.

he does not clean his shit and makes me buy things that are shared, like soap for example. i bought a new container of soap once i noticed that were running low, not ONCE did he make the effort to get some soap himself. its like this with other things as well.

his only humour is making a fool out of me (which i can handle. its just annoying) or sexual shit (also mostly involving me) and since im running a 2 person household on my own essentially i had some type of meltdown/breakdown this last weekend. developed a nervous tic because of it too which gets worse the more tired/frustrated i am. i also seem to have some stomach problems whenever im out of it nowadays and its gotten to the point that people asked me if im hungry because its just. that loud. REALLY uncomfortable especially in class.

today he overslept, which happens multiple times, but today was also the first day he actually had some consequences due to it which i like! but THEN he has the audacity to ask if i "tried to wake him up" which, to me, implies that he thinks im obligated to. almost yelled at him right then and there i had to leave the fucking room.

its also kind of my fault i guess? i could just communicate my problems with him more openly, directly order him to clean/buy/whatever but then i remember.

this guy is as old as i am.

i am NOT his fucking dad or something he should be doing these things UNPROMPTED when living together with someone he barely knows!!

on another note, the guy that realized that im trans is spending more time with me recently and i genuinely enjoy spending time with him as well, hes one of the very few people that doesnt get on my nerves. he plays my favorite videogames with me which are my special interest :)

this comes with a problem however: were both mlm and openly mlm at that, so people began "shipping" us (eugh. hate to use this word in this context).

usually i would find it funny, he finds it funny too because we both know that its not gonna happen but this comes with a certain problem.

people begin putting you in boxes, whether conciously or unconciously. especially with gay relationships, a lot of people seem to be fascinated by the idea that same sex couples still somehow have to fit into heteronormative "standards" (stuff like "who wears the pants" "whos the woman" "who takes it up the ass")

obviously im in a bad position. next to my friend, i am smaller. have wider hips, the face of a twelve year old and when i get nervous my voice goes higher in pitch.

if we WERE in a relationship, i would be percieved as "the woman".

that is so, so painful. no matter how hard i try, unless i end up with a super feminine twink bf (lol purposefully exaggerated im sorry), im gonna be the more feminine one and that is extremely shitty when it comes to passing in public.

had it happen today: i go out to grab boba with my friend.

this might just be my paranoia, but i have a feeling that for mlm couples, due to the way that society is, we dont really look like couples to the average heterosexual because unless we were to make out right in front of them homosexuality just isnt a possibility that comes to mind.

so we go up to the counter to place our order and the guy asks if "my friend is paying for me". nothing unusual BUT my language uses the same word for friend platonic and boyfriend/girlfriend romantic in some cases, meaning that it was very, very ambiguous, but to us it sounded like he meant it romantically.

my friend of course just laughs it off and i would like to be able to laugh too, but the truth is that HE was the one referred to as my "boyfriend". what does that make me in the eyes of a heteronormative society? with wide hips, a high voice and a babyface?

exactly. the girlfriend. checkmate.

dysphoria has been bad in general this week and in combination with all the other shitty feelings i couldnt shower. lower body dysphoria reached its peak too.

people joke about me being the bottom, stereotypically the more feminine one in the relationship and its beginning to hurt because they dont even KNOW. i just kinda wish i could talk about it, say that it makes me uncomfortable but that would make me suspicious and everyone in my class is already suspicious enough.

theres nothing i can do. i will have to live like this forever probably. i think i need to readjust my personality again just so i dont come across as androgynous or whatever. i also really need to get rid of my customer service voice, as i like to call it.