#like this is so petty compared to Everything Else happening

[dothestarsshine-art]

EDIT: definitely turned into a massive rant about Vander's politics, I tried to not be petty and I failed, I can't fix it with another draft, he drives me nuts. In this unassigned essay I literally will...

Vander criticism incoming because I re-watched the Sevika rematch in the last drop and holy moly did he do Vi dirty (What his guardianship style meant for Powder, Mylo, and Claggor all deserve their own posts) and I can’t think about Vi’s struggles without thinking about VanderLand™. Not saying he didn’t do good, not saying he couldn’t have been worse, just that…:

Vander preached against fighting, but lived (comparatively) large off of his reputation for fighting AND through the exchange of a blind eye from the enforcers in return for keeping his own community under heel. Grayson saying, “I keep out of your business and you keep your people off of my streets” or whatever, suggest to me the passes that Vander has enjoyed in his interests over the years.

His thriving business, the life he projects, no fighting oppression, only bar-keeping, but we see him throw his reputation around as a favor to to his friends, like Huck and Babette. Would the undercity merchant/business owner class want your protection if they knew what was up? Maybe, Benzo was on board. What about the rest of the undercity that aren't enterprising? Silco saying, "Not JUST for the Lanes, but for the whole of the underground," is huge.

It pays to be Vander’s friend, but no one else could possibly realize the success that I think he pretends he did. The lifestyle he's trying to get Vi to subscribe to (VanderLand) doesn’t actually exist. Everyone is seeing that but him and Vi is boiling over in confusion and frustration and self-doubt and anger.

If any other kids had caused the damage in Piltover that made Marcus go all ham, their parents would not have had the luxury of negotiating with Grayson, and I honestly don't believe that Vander would have turned himself in to protect them. When Vander or Grayson die, the little pocket of safety that he's carved out for the lanes will be lost, this only benefits a select few for as long as Vander can pull it off.

Bless you Sevika for leaving him behind, my god. The way he claims all responsibility for the day of ash is honestly just insulting. If you hadn’t led them across that bridge, maybe someone else would have, my guy.

Look at the lengths Sevika and others go to to fight YOU so they can have another chance to fight the real enemy without you protecting your cushy life (and kids, yeah, yeah, but it’s still painfully short sighted. People had kids the first time around, some people in the bar calling to fight back with Sevika surely also have kids. That’s -why- they want to fight) all over the conversation. He talks to vi like he opened and closed the book on revolution - get out of the WAY OLD MAN.

To Vi he’s like, Yes, I live a better life for myself, my family, and my friends leveraging just the sheer -memory - of when I used to fight, but you can’t.

There's a difference between self-defense in dangerous streets and planning a heist to steal your way through life, but he seems to lump them together. Then in the same conversation telling her that fists aren’t the answer, he checked quality assurance checked that she kicked Deckard’s ass, because ultimately that is what he expects from her. Attacking the root cause of gangs like Deckard's is immature and selfish, but you better be a good enough fighter to beat the shit out of them on call. WHAT a moving target.

What I saw in Vi’s delirium in the bar in the Sevika rematch was Vander dissing her guard and telling her she has no choice but to keep fighting, that she’s needed, whether she’s wanted or not. And yeah, it’s not Vander that said that, it’s in Vi’s head, but it's reminiscent of things we did see him tell her as a teenager, that message of “you are the only hope that the people you love have, you're responsible for everything that happens when you interact with them, you're not allowed to not interact with them, in fact you must -lead- them. Also, you're stupid.”

For that to be what her brain cooks up for her mentor to say to her to stay conscious and in the game, the way that she accepts it with a huffed laugh and it actually HELPS HER is so gaahhhhhhh.

Fundamentally, (in the admittedly very little we saw in act I of uniquely stressful time,) I feel that he offloaded the effort and responsibility of mentoring, nourishing, and raising all four kids individually, to Vi. He literally made the others leave the room before giving the soft side of his lecture in the basement, then barked at, confiscated from, and threw stuff at the Mylo and Claggor on his way back upstairs. To expect Vi to take his guidance in, make sense of it (impossible), and redistribute it to the others is not cool, and that's why he makes me grump.

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

No, Amazon’s Rings of Power is not “woke”

It annoys me so much when people complain about Rings of Power being “woke.” First of all, because of the way they overuse the word, woke has become a next-to-meaningless term that can be applied to anything conservatives don’t like. Second, Rings of Power is only progressive in the most surface-level way; underneath that it is in fact extremely regressive. People who whine about Rings of Power being woke are not only annoying, they’re also just plain wrong.

Ever since the casting was announced, right-wing idiots have been shrieking about Black actors being cast in Rings of Power. These trolls have made all kinds of dumb statements about how Middle-earth = Europe, but they seem willfully ignorant of the fact that Europe has never been exclusively white, and there is no reason to exclude people of color from the cast of any Tolkien adaptation. Still, this didn’t make the show progressive in its casting (which was tokenistic) or its writing (which ranges from bad to horrible).

For instance, the only storyline Amazon writers could apparently think of to introduce Arondir was literally him being enslaved. I mean, really? Is that really the best plotline to go with? To be clear, I’m not criticizing the actor, I’m criticizing the writing. In addition, Amazon cast actors of color overwhelmingly in parts invented for the show—rather than as actual Tolkien characters—which more easily allows them to be sidelined by the narrative, and the casting overall was in no way diverse enough. So I find it bizarre that people criticize the show for its so-called wokeness, when very little effort was made from a diversity and inclusion standpoint.

Right-wing nutjobs also threw a fit about Amazon portraying Galadriel as a warrior, to the point where they started calling her “Guyladriel.” They whined about Galadriel being too feminist and too masculine in the show, but that’s the opposite of what happened and betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of Galadriel as a character. First of all, she fought at Alqualondë in one version of the story, so no one should have a problem with her wielding a sword. What IS a problem is everything else about her portrayal.

Amazon’s writers took one of Tolkien’s most interesting characters and stripped her of her power, her authority, her gravitas, her wisdom, and her ambition. They had Gil-galad, her younger cousin, order her around. They had Elendil compare her to his children, even though she’s older than the sun and moon. And they made her a petty, naïve, incompetent brat whose entire first season involves being manipulated by Sauron, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, having a bizarre will-they-won’t-they relationship with him. In addition, Galadriel is canonically tall and strong, and one of her names means “man-maiden,” but they made her short and waif-like instead.

Galadriel in Amazon’s show doesn’t even resemble the character Tolkien wrote—the character named Nerwen, who never trusted Annatar, who certainly never had some creepy Reylo thing with him, who was powerful and wise and authoritative, who had a marvelous gift of insight into the minds of others—not a quippy, rude, annoying idiot who is constantly being controlled by the men around her. I don’t know why anyone would look at Rings of Power and think this portrayal is progressive. It’s actually a failure of imagination: Amazon’s writers literally cannot conceive of a powerful woman even when all of the work of imagining her has been done for them.

In addition to the faux-feminist-and-actually-sexist portrayal of Galadriel, Rings of Power is also on the whole weirdly regressive from the standpoint of gender roles and gender expression. Tolkien’s Elves are canonically tall, beautiful, and long-haired, regardless of gender. Tolkien’s Dwarves all have beards. So what did Amazon do? They gave most of their male Elves short hair, while the female Elves still have long hair, and they did away with female Dwarves’ beards. They patted themselves on the back for “letting” Galadriel fight, but don’t show other female warriors—in battle scenes, for instance, why are all the soldiers male? In general, they made their characters adhere to conservative gender roles and gender expression, which is especially glaring because it contradicts what Tolkien actually wrote.

On top of all this, they decided to throw in some anti-Irish stereotypes with a side of classism, just for fun. They had the ragged, dirty, primitive Harfoots speaking in Irish accents, while the regal, ethereal, advanced Elves speak with English accents. None of the actors playing the Harfoots are Irish themselves, to my knowledge, which makes the choice to have them speak this way especially questionable. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

All in all, it makes absolutely no fucking sense to criticize Rings of Power for being woke. It may look progressive on the surface because there’s a Black Elf and a woman with a sword, but that’s as far as it goes. The show isn’t particularly diverse to begin with, and it treats its characters of color poorly. Galadriel’s portrayal is disgustingly regressive, as is the show’s overarching take on gender. This is to say nothing of the caliber of the writing in general, which is unsurprisingly low. There is so much to criticize—like the nonsense about mithril, or the fact that Celebrimbor of all people doesn’t understand alloys, or the fact that you can apparently swim across the Sundering Seas now—which makes complaining about the show’s supposed wokeness especially irrational.

I also have to wonder if the people still whining about wokeness know anything about Tolkien’s works. Do they know that the crown of Gondor was based on the crown of the Pharaohs of Egypt? Do they know that Tolkien considered Byzantium the basis for Minas Tirith? Do they know that female warriors already exist in Tolkien’s books? Do they know when they rant about how much they hate “Guyladriel” that Amazon’s portrayal is actually too feminine? Ultimately, people who complain about wokeness in Rings of Power—or any Tolkien adaptation—are just betraying their own idiocy. I honestly think if Tolkien’s books were published now conservatives would scream that they’re woke too.

[bau-drabbles]

good days

a/n: toxic spencer(?), sad angst, no happy ending, rushed as always!!! 💞

too soon, i spoke

it was hard to see him, lately. you didn't think you could ever feel this way with spencer, not once could you anticipate this feeling. he was the first thing to come to mind whenever someone mentioned love, he was the first person you talked about when people mentioned your person. he was everything and more you could've ever wanted in a man. strong, kind, compassionate and intelligent. no one else simply could compare.

but recently he'd been so absorbed with work and paired with all the trauma that had happened to him it was natural and inevitable he was getting a bit distant with you. and still, not once did you complain. no, you played the part of a doting loving partner even when it almost killed you. even when your team looked at you with worry, still you forced a smile on your face and reassured them all was well. this was natural, this was him processing his emotions and you'd do everything to make it better.

even when he shouted, even when he was silent, you took it all. you should've never had to, he should've been grown enough to communicate since it was something he always did. but you figured if you stuck it out, kept going because it was bound to end. there would be light at the end of the tunnel surely, your salvation would come soon, all you had to do was be patient enough to receive it.

you be heavy in my mind

but then days trickled into weeks and soon enough it had been a month and his mood was still the same as it was before. unpleasant and insufferable.

you quickly come to realise that you can't take his pain away, not when you realise you are the very cause of it. he doesn't explicitly what's wrong with him but then he never was good at doing that. he never was good at sharing his feelings and thoughts, preferring to bottle them until it shattered or until he was forced to say.

it wasn't as if you didn't try. you had talked and even pleaded him to say what had been nothing him but every conversation was simply shut down or he stormed off not wanting to deal with the confrontation. and it hurt more than you could've possibly imagined, the love of your life was pulling away from you and there wasn't a thing you could do to stop it. work had become a distraction and now you looked forward to the busy days and long nights, anything to keep you distracted from your crumbling relationship with him. anything to stop the thoughts spiralling out of control

can you get the heck out?

but it was hard when you both worked the same profession and were also colleagues. nothing could've prepared you for how petty and how childish he acted. you know he's gotten closer with others more than you, you can see how his dimpled smile lights up his face when he talks to emily, jj or morgan.

but still your heart holds out hope that he was spencer reid. he was your spencer, the man who held you with so much adoration. the man who rambled about his little facts, eagerly explaining and telling you the meaning behind every single one. the man who surprised you with flowers every friday, who marked and memorised every special occasion no matter what. he was spencer reid, and he was yours. this was just a phase, everything was bound to get better again.

only no matter how many times you try and persuade yourself the same things you're not so sure you both can get by this.

he's working by his desk and for a minute, you wonder going up and greeting him. it hurts you with just how much he's at ease with jj and morgan, how he chuckles and writes away on the files, the frown lines are gone. your heart shatters when he doesn't even look your way.

his laugh calls out to you like a siren, even when your heart feels like shattering and splintering, he still manages to puncture holes in your resolve. you still find a soft sad smile on your lips whenever he laughs. even through the hurt and the pain, there's happiness for him that lays in your aching heart. even when you want to cry and scream, a warm feeling remains close by at how happy he looks.

i need rest now, got me bummed out

the walls that you and reid had so painstakingly chipped away were beginning to form again, it was so obvious and yet he couldn't care. he couldn't bring himself to even acknowledge you some times let alone talk.

but you're snapped out of your thoughts when morgan calls your name, finding his smile to be welcoming after the last miserable weeks with reid. and soon most of your team is sitting by your desk, eagerly chatting away their weekend plans. it's much more easier to nod and smile than to explain you'd be living the same pitiful weekend routine for the last month.

and then he comes by, holding a few files in his arms. darkness swirls around his stoic form, flowing like mist on a cool morning. he silently adjusted the cuff on his sleeve before looking at you with clear intense eyes. a frigidity he wasn't even aware of iced his gaze and froze his jaw and perhaps you could appreciate the beauty that was him if he wasn't so cold. how his curly hair managed to fall so perfectly across his face, how his eyes were a kaleidoscope of beautiful colours, how you could simply look at him for a second and find everything little thing about him endearing.

but as he stares at you, you resist the urge to tremble under his gaze. every muscle in his face created a perfectly crafted message, he wasn't one to be trifled with. and you had certainly lost your privilege to pretend otherwise. the words simply die on your tongue as he watches you, much like the feelings he held for you

looking at him now, you're not sure what you thought you knew about him. every moment shared together, every kiss planted on your skin, everytime your fingers interlaced, every time he promised, all of it seemed like a daze. all of it seemed like a mirage, an illusion your mind had come conjured up to prevent you from seeing the cracks there.

you forget however, that cracks fester and grow, no matter how one tries to hide them, they will continue to rot the foundation. they are penetrative, able to crumble even the most strongest of walls.

your best friend, your beautiful boyfriend, your heart and soul, standing opposite you and all you can see is the cracks in him. where once you had tried to fill with love and being more than you were, it all proved to be unsuccessful. you were y/n, you were never going to live up to his ideal woman.

and that hurt more than any fantasy your mind could ever conjure up

i've been on my empty mind shit

everything was going worse, you didn't think spencer could ever introduce you to new lows but then again parts of you could argue that you never really knew him.

even at home, there seems to be this division almost. he doesn't come to you and you stay out of his way, that's the way it's been for weeks and you hate it with every part of you. his face is rigid and stone cold, he doesn't even eat with you at the dining table he excitedly chose out when you first shared this apartment. gone are the times where you'd both be in this bubble of happiness, baking together while he lazily pulled you to his chest and peppering kisses to your forehead. both of you dancing so gently with the beat of the soft music playing in the background.

there's no movie nights either, no more evening spent bundled up in his arms as you both watch a documentary about the latest thing you were interested in and him being unable to stop looking at you with love and happiness. there's no more soft moments during the day, both of you in a comfortable silence as you go through case files but feeling his hand or leg touch up on you.

he always had a special habit of constantly touching you and it's one thing you've missed so greatly, so inexplicably it almost reduces you to tears. spencer usually wasn't much for physical contact but he couldn't let you go if his life depended on it, he always constantly had to be touching you in some ways. and at first he was embarrassed at how touchstarved he truly was but you never once made him feel bad about it. in fact, you'd always encourage it from him. you seemed his comfort just as much as he needed yours.

but he simply stopped touching you, backed away as if he simply couldn't stand you. there were no hugs and kisses, no more cuddling and snuggling in bed. no more running his hands across your body and face as he plants the sweetest kisses upon your skin. your spencer has gone and in his place is a man you don't recognise anymore

i try to keep from losin' the rest of me

the moment of solace when first waking up, and everything that had ever gone wrong evaporates for a few seconds. it's your way of trying to find peace in those fleeting moments, dreaming of a world where you and reid are side by side laughing and having fun like you once did. yearning for when he used to dote upon you as if you were the most precious thing he could ever have, cherishing you as though you were his only one.

every morning it's the same and it aches even more when the moment ends and reality comes crashing down and once again, you're left to pick up the pieces he's broken. you sleep in the guest bed now, and every morning when you open your eyes you expect to see his frame sleeping soundly beside you. his curly hair a cute mess upon his forehead, his arms cocooned around you encasing you tight within his chest and the blanket. and when the vision fades away, the tears falling on your cheeks it's a cold reminder that he knows the pain he's causing you, he simply doesn't care about it.

you can hear him stir awake in your bedroom, it physically hurts when you see just at how unbothered he seems. while parts of your sanity rips away every day being away from his love, he seems so calm and collected. you both get ready in separate rooms now. he doesn't ask you to fix his crooked tie or help tame down the front curls. he also doesn't help you with your work outfit, giving you gentle pecks as you both sleepily get ready for the day ahead. it's even come to the point of taking two different cars to work, the awkward silence had become too unbearable and you couldn't handle him acting as if you were a plague to mankind anymore so you made your won way to work.

he certainly didn't seem to be affected by it, he arrived to work and got to his desk reading over the previous case files. whenever you entered the precinct, his head didn't even look your way. he was so good at making you feel so miserable and alone, you wonder how he was ever capable of loving. you wonder how he was ever capable of making you feel like you were on top of the world and then making it spin on its axis with a click of his fingers. you gave him your all and in return, all he ever gave you was pain and sadness.

i worry that i wasted the best of me on you, baby

the team forced everyone to go out tonight after a particularly rough case and for once, you didn't fight them. what was the worst that could possible happen anyway, your relationship with the person you loved wholeheartedly was slowly shattering and there wasn't a thing you could do about it.

the night was young and after staying at the bar, a handsome man walks up to you. for once you find yourself in a comfortable conversation with someone who actually wants to engage and speak with you about your interest and passion. it'd been so long since you actually received this attention from your actual boyfriend, you didn't even realise how much time had passed and you still chatted and laughed with him.

but as you lean on your hand, you can feel a pair of eyes almost burn into you and slowly you look to the side. his face is blank and yet his hazel eyes are pained, so much so you can practically drown within them. your heart feels like it's dropped to the darkest depths of the world and you hate how much you want to hold him tight, be there for him, even when he's done nothing but cause you pain. love shouldn't be this difficult, it didn't need to be this much anguish and so much sleepless nights wondering if it was all worth it.

but spencer reid was the man of your dreams, someone you thought would be forever. he promised you he would be. he promised to always be there, to be the one to take away your pain never the one to be the reason for it.

as much as you desperately want to run to him, your feet stay planted on the floor beside the stranger. not moving an inch away.

his eyes look so hurt, a slight frown as he looks away for a second and then back at you. but you just look at him, a moment of sadness crossing your eyes before you wear the facade you've become an expert at crafting back on again. it simply wasn't your job to pick up the pieces, not anymore. your eyes connect for just a brief moment once more, everything you wish you could've ever said rolls off of you in waves

i loved you, i loved you, i loved you-

"c'mon sweetheart" you let the man take you away by your hand, walking straight past your lover without so much as a second glance. his gaze burns holes into your skin, you can feel it from all the distance growing in between you both as your feet stray further and further away. every step, your heart begs to run back to the same arms that have rejected you. every second spent away, your body aches to be held and kissed with the same sweet lips that adored you back then. but you don't give in this time.

no, he broke you and in response, you watched him break.

so you continue walking, hand in hand with another. for how could you lose someone that never loved you? how could keep something that was never yours?

but you don't care

[starryalpacasstuff]

Last Twilight Ep 8; Thoughts

We're at the 2/3 mark of the show, and the episode honestly felt surreal. Last Twilight is continuing to parallel iconic moments of Bad Buddy, this time with running away and scenes on the beach. However, it never feels like it's boring or repetitive, because while the parallels are clear, the shows are also distinct. It's clear that the characters in the two shows are pushed by different things.

I was yelling at the screen when I realized Mhok and Day were going off on their own, because ditching Night = recipe for disater (he'd obviously call Day's mom!?!)

But then this happened, and I had to pause and take a moment, now that my fears had been resolved. We know so little about Night, and yet so much. Understanding his character requires a lot of reading in between the lines, and until we know what happened between the brothers, the picture won't be complete. I did, in fact, breathe a huge sigh of relief when I realized that Night was in on it, because while Mhok and Day are capable of handling themselves, if Day's mother found out, we all know that it wouldn't make for a pretty situation.

Which calls in something else I'm curious about. Is Day really naive enough to believe that they can ditch Night with no consequences? Or is there some trust left in Day, that Night will let them go. Has he figured that Night is likely in on it, and is choosing to remain quiet?

There's a number of possibilities, and I'm curious to see how it plays out. It's highly likely that his anxiousness to get away from Night, and trust in Mhok meant that the though simply hasn't crossed his mind too.

On that topic, if we rewind to the beginning of the ep

I just love how much Day trusts Mhok. It's obvious, but I felt it was worth pointing out. Mhok tells Day that there's no one there, and Day accepts. Mhok having played the caregiver role for Day for so long is definitely the main reason for this, and it's beautiful to watch.

Speaking of transparency in their relationship, can I take a moment to talk about just how much I loved this scene? Mhok was upset about the prank, and Day wasn't taking it seriously. Mhok could have clammed up, creating tension between the two. It would even be expected, given his role as Day's caretaker and the 'put Day first' mentality that we've seen so far. But he doesn't, and oh my god, this calls for aplause. He calls Day out on it, and gives Day a taste of his own medicine. And, this is something that perfectly shows that things are not the same now that they're boyfriends. Mhok gets more agency, more say, because he's one half of the relationship. I've said thia before about the subversion of faen fatale, and I'll say it again; Last Twilight has a very strong identity as a show, and a very strong grasp on what it's doing. Time and time again, it has shown us opportunities that it could have taken to create drama, and veered in the opposite direction entirely. The subversion is intentional, and clearly so.

While we're talking about characters standing up for their feelings..

I feel like someone should create a masterpost of everything we know about Night, and we can add on every bit of new info we get and compare it to the rest, because everything tells us so little yet so much. It seems that Night is still willing to push against Day's hatred. But of course, he's more willing to allow Day to live happily, as we see him letting the two go off on their own. It seems that every time Night does something for Day, he prefers to do it anonymously, such as showing up to the race. We've seen that he's accepted the villain image. Is this why he seems keen on upholding that villain image in front of Day, while helping him behind his back? P'Aof isn't one to write conflict for small or petty reason, so I'm starting to be more and more convinced that Night genuinely did something wrong to Day. He regrets it, but he also knows he can't take it back or heal their bond, so he's simply keeping the status quo, helping his brother behind his back, while only allowing himself to be selfish on occasion, like this one. I'm so intrigued by Night and his mannerisms, his actions.

Back tracking a bit again, (this is a mess)

This scene was a pivotal moment. I've previously mentioned that Day was living in a fantasy, and I've also briefly touched on Day's sence of normalcy in a post, how he was relying on things to go back to 'normal' and how he's been able to build a new normal with Mhok. He'd get the transplant eventually, and things would go back to 'normal'. Mhok helped Day redefine his 'normal', but the hope that his sight would return one day was still present. Here, it's shattered. Up till now, Day was living his life as if he were biding his time till he got his eyesight back. Now he's going to be living as if he has to wrap up a lifetime of memories in three months. He's feeling as though time is running out.

I think this is one of the first times I've seen Day talk back to his mom, which is fair, because it's ingrained in asian kids to not talk back to your elders. Day is, in the end, a rich kid. On top of that, he has a single mom. 1+1=2, Day didn't get to see much of his mom growing up. @waitmyturtles talked about this a bit in a post, mentioning how Day's mom's career always came first. She didn't have time to attend a game because she had an event, she couldn't come to school for something because she had a meeting, etc etc. (I don't know how much of an age gap there is between Day and Night, but anyone thinking that Night had to fill in on occasion..?) He's making a jab at his mom, that she's far to busy to be there with him for stuff, and she's far too overprotective to let another be there with him for it. Again, typical rich family dysfunction. Day and his mother's dynamic will be an interesting thing to watch as the episodes progress, that's for sure.

Alright, onto the last one

When I'm not sure if there's a deeper meaning behind a scene, music is always a great clue that there is something greater behind it. As episodes progress, we've seen Day slowly reassimilate himself in society. This is such an important theme, because being a part of and engaging with society is a huge part of asian culture. I view this dance as a sort of culmination of the progress that Day has made over time with Mhok. Would the Day at the beginning of the series have danced with a stranger at a party while having worse eyesight that before? No way in hell. Also, paying respect and interactling with older people is, again, a HUGE part of asian culture, so this was essentially the perfect way to depict this culmination. When the first episode had aired, @twig-tea had first introduced in a post the theme of liminality in Last Twilight. One of the definitions given was "of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition : IN-BETWEEN, TRANSITIONAL". Since Mhok entered Day's life, he's been in a liminal (transitional) state, as he moves closer to rejoing society. In this scene, we see what I'd like to say is the end of this liminal state. Of course, this isn't to say that Day is no longer in a state of liminality. Liminality presents itself in various ways throughout the show. This is simply a culmination of Day and Mhok's efforts to reintegrate Day into society. While the battle is far from over; disable people often find themselves outcasted and removed from society; it's a sign of hope, a sign of growth, a sign that their efforts have a result.

[eisforeidolon]

Forgive me for restating the obvious, but I was reading through an old post and it just kind of hit me in a way it hadn't before: One of hellers' most fundamental disconnects with the show (and media literacy in general) is how they try to insist parallels establish romance.

SPN used parallels to couples and romantic tropes a lot in regards to the brothers. But it was never meant as a signal that they were romantically in love or to tell you something you otherwise couldn't figure out. It was to underline what we already knew from the entire rest of the story about how they were the most important people in each other's lives. It used romantic relationships because that's a central status typically reserved only for romantic relationships - that was part of the point.

Let's take an example or two. Dean compares himself and Sam to Jesse and Cesar from The Chitters. After interacting with them for a while, Dean is like, 'Haha, you fight just like brothers, almost as bad as Sam and me' and they say that it's more like an old married couple. This is Dean comparing an exact thing that actually happens between him and Sam, silly petty bickering, to something that exactly happens between a married couple. Likewise, let's take Dean's expression and the script note he's thinking about Sam's close call in Red Meat. Michelle is talking about watching the man she loves die and how nothing can be the same, and Dean is thinking about how he believed he lost Sam earlier that same episode and reacting to what she's saying. No one is under the impression that these are signposts telling you for the very first time that Sam and Dean are weirdly, claustrophobically close in a way that compares to romantic couples. They're quick moments which draw an underline on what you already know from the way they've acted towards each other for the entire preceding (and following) length of the show. If you cut either of those moments? It would change nothing about what we understand of Sam and Dean's relationship, because that's how using parallels in storytelling actually works.

Hellers want to insist that romantic couples and tropes being parallels to D/C in and of itself proves that D/C is romantic. Why else would SPN use couples and romantic tropes?!? Well, because SPN does that all the fucking time, maybe? Which is even before you get into how superficial the basis for their supposed parallels typically are.

Let's take an example or two. Hellers want to insist that Dean and Castiel were paralleled to David and Violet from Bloodlines because and I shit you not, one of them wore a tan coat. As well as the absurdly generic dialogue line, "I was there, where were you?" being used both in the backdoor pilot and in 6x20 by Dean. Aha! David and Violet are clearly stand-ins for Dean and Cas, and they were planning to run away together, so D/C is clearly romantic, BOOM! Except literally nothing about Dean and Castiel's actual relationship lines up with that. In no sense were Dean and Castiel ever planning to run away from their families together - not at the point where Dean was calling Castiel out for pretending he didn't know where Dean was if he really wanted advice or otherwise. Unlike the actual parallels with Sam and Dean, there is no underlying narrative base. Likewise, hellers want to insist that Castiel is Dean's Colette. Aha! Cain said Dean is living his life in reverse, and he killed Collette last and his brother first, so since he said Dean would kill Castiel before Sam, Castiel=Colette, and Colette was a romantic partner, so Dean lurves the angel! BOOM! Just for the sake of being pedantic, let's break this nonsense down one more time. Cain lists Crowley as well as Castiel as people Dean will kill before Sam. Collette was special to Cain because she saw everything he was, never gave up on him, and was able to get him to drop the blade. Which is literally what Sam does during the time Dean has the Mark - meanwhile Castiel tries to get Dean to not go and slaughter the Stynes and fails and is ready to give up and kill Dean after he goes demonic. Which doesn't even get into the part where ... Cain is literally just wrong in telling his little fairy tale. Dean is not him. When given the choice of killing his brother, Cain does it. When given the choice of losing control, Cain does it. Dean tries to get Death to shoot him into outer space and then kills Death rather than actually kill Sam. Dean and Dean's love for his brother are both far stronger than Cain is capable of understanding. So the parallel life thing? Is fundamentally hooey anyway. Again, there's no narrative there for a parallel to be drawing an underline on because none of their cobbled together meta resembles anything going on in the actual text. That's not how storytelling uses parallels or any other kind of subtext, by creating something entirely separate and expecting the general audience to decipher it. Though it's no surprise they try to insist that a show would do that, because they have nothing else.

TLDR; Their entire argument is that a comparison to a romantic couple makes two other characters' relationship automagically romantic because reasons. Which even putting aside the lack of validity in their parallels ... continues to be a boldly idiotic statement given the number of actually textual comparisons the show makes between Sam & Dean and romantic couples. Again, it's no wonder they freaked the fuck out over that forehead touch, because they very fundamentally refused to understand what SPN was actually doing on literally any level.

[librivore42]

Do not go gentle into that good night

Behold! Another secret Withers gift, this time for @acrowsrockcollection! Ao3 link right here, and the fic text under the cut if you'd rather stay on tumblr. Do not go gentle into that dark night (1302 words) by Librivore42 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Baldur's Gate (Video Games) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Gale/Karlach (Baldur's Gate), Gale & Karlach (Baldur's Gate) Characters: Gale (Baldur's Gate), Karlach (Baldur's Gate) Additional Tags: ruminations about death, this can be read as shippy or platonic, both are valid so I've tagged it as both Summary: Gale and Karlach both know they don't have much time, and the unfairness seems to hit all at once. Nobody else can understand, but they can at least comfort each other, can at least hug tight and rage and weep.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas

“So we’re both going to die.”

Gale hadn’t seen Karlach shake this hard since the so-called Paladins of Tyr. But that had been anger, dangerous certainly, but unstoppable, indomitable. This was a very different sort of anger, full of fear, despair, helplessness, her fire drowning in the unshed tears he could see in her eyes, clenched fists trembling.

“Karlach…” at least with her second upgrade he could touch her shoulder, a small blessing in the middle of everything. After Mystra. After Gortash. After their fates had been signed and sealed. She would not survive outside the Hells, and he could not survive the end of this quest.

Killing Gortash should have been cathartic. But she was just drained, exhausted, held up only by anguish.

“You have to die to kill the Absolute or whatever. Just so I can die after that. Or before. It’s not fair.” Her voice cracked as she shrugged him off and pinned him with a stare that sent a sharp crack of pain through his heart. “It’s not fucking fair!”

That had been him a year ago. Unfair, unfair, he had so much life left to live, so much world to see. Yet even as he’d started to accept the fact that he would die if he didn’t keep feeding the orb, there hadn’t been that… resignation that had crept up once Mystra had given him his orders. There had still been a chance to keep going.

“I-” He cut himself off from saying he understood, because he didn’t. This was hardly comparable. He’d done this to himself. Even his death would be of his own making. Karlach had never been given a choice from beginning to end.

“What’s the point?” she burst out, and he blinked, wondering if he’d missed a crucial part of the conversation while off in his own thoughts.

“Pardon?”

“What’s the point of saving the world, then? Neither of us are going to get to see it.”

He nearly flinched at her anger, though it wasn’t directed at him. “You don’t mean that.”

“Putting myself on the line for years, for years and all I get is-” she gestured helplessly at the sky. “Nothing. Doesn’t feel like there’s a point to do it again. I should just go get drunk. Stop myself from feeling until it… happens. Not like you’ll need me there, you’re off to go blow yourself up and that’ll fix everything, won’t it?”

“The blast will certainly have enough power to-” “Gods!” Her flames burned hotter, hot enough that he had to take a step back, and maybe the anger actually was directed at him this time. “You’re just going to lie down and take it, aren’t you! Any one of those gods could probably wave a hand and fix all of this. Mystra could just fix you, I bet she could, but she's as petty as Zariel.”

“If she could, I’m sure she wouldn’t-”

“Oh, oh! So she can suddenly stabilise it, right, which she didn’t do for a year but she can’t fix it? And Mister Full-of-Questions doesn’t even question that? We’re just things to them, Gale. Just toys to be played with and thrown away when our owners get bored of us.”

She took a deep, shuddering breath, and he wasn’t sure if it was resignation that made her flames dim, or whether she was making an effort to hold it together. She reached out and gripped his shoulders so tight they hurt.

“I hate that I have to die. But I think I hate it more that she’s telling you to kill yourself. And you’re just… going to do it.”

For a long moment, his ready responses failed him, rising and falling before they could even reach his lips. “This is the only way we can guarantee victory.”

“You’re not even going to try. You still have room to try.” Low. Bitter. Her voice should never have to sound like that. It was made for joy and hope. He felt his heart break just a little more, cracking slowly by degrees.

The pain in his left shoulder lessened to a dull throb as she moved her hand to rest against the orb peeking out from under his clothes. His own hand lifted as if by its own motion, resting on the skin that housed the furnace where her heart should be.

“I don’t want to die, Gale.” The tears started to fall, hot and helpless as she clenched the hand over his chest into a fist. He held it close as he nodded gently, thumbs soothing over the back of her hands as she sobbed. She needed a hug, though he was completely unsure if she’d accept one after she’d shook off the touch on her shoulder, so he simply took the contact she was willing to give. “I can’t pretend it’s not going to happen anymore, or that it’s too far away to worry about. And I can’t just… be resigned to it. I don’t. Want. To die.”

“Neither do I.” The admission felt like stepping over a cliff, and his breath caught in his throat. Any second now he was going to hit the ground, his heart was going shatter on impact, and he was going to weep. He couldn’t, he couldn’t. He had to be strong, this was Karlach’s time to mourn the choices she was never given, not his to pity himself for the ones he’d made.

She stared at him for a long moment before dragging him against her chest, strong arms encasing him, and after a shocked and endless few seconds, he clutched at her like a lifeline.

“Then don’t.”

“But-”

“None of it was your fault either.”

Shattering like ice, melting at the corners of his eyes.

“You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to be forgiven. Anyone who demands that doesn’t deserve you,” she said fiercely, voice still stained with tears. Tears dropping onto the top of his head, tears wetting her chest. “You have to live.”

“I wish I knew the magic to save you,” he whispered.

“Don’t say that. Say you already have a plan. You aren’t going to die, because you have a plan to save me and you need to see it through. Even if it’s a lie, just tell it to me so I can believe it until we- until we...”

The gods should have done something a long time ago. There was nobody less deserving of this death than she was, so full of life and kindness.

It wasn’t fair.

There was no wizard powerful enough to save her.

But perhaps a god could.

His mind flickered, briefly, to the book about the crown of Karsus in his bag. If he could get his hands on it, rather than dying, if he could reforge it and learn to control it-

And if he failed, he’d have doomed everyone. He pressed against her, feeling her shake as a strange sort of grim determination ran through him.

It was worth it. He extricated an arm from their embrace and took her cheek, pulling her face down to look him in the eye, all trace of tears gone in this new, terrifying sort of tightrope he’d found himself on, halfway down his freefall from that cliff of grief.

“I have a plan,” he said firmly. “A real one. And I’m going to live and see it through.”

The gods and devils had left this world to wither away as it will. But perhaps he could tip the scales, and make it more worthy for such a good heart to live a long and happy life in it.

[real-raincode-takes]

this discussion ended a while ago and i didnt wanna be petty but i recently saw the same complaint happen again on another website so now im making it y'alls problem.

anyway i am genuinely baffled at the people complaining about the alleged sheer amount of porn in the rain code fandom. like, complaining about the ao3 when, compared to explicit fics, there are nearly twice as many gen fics and twice as many T rated fics each. the vast majority of mature fics are marked that way for violence. this is a very normal fandom ratio for nsfw fics. where's this surplus of porn you're seeing?

is it on tumblr? i certainly havent seen that. there are like... three nsfw text blogs but also... you can just filter them out? are you complaining about this blog? the confessions blog that allows nsfw submissions and has a whole tag for it? that's a little silly, considering you willingly came here and saw their pinned post

is it on twitter? yeah, there's some porn there but it's super rare compared to everything else, and most of it is hidden behind a poipiku or pixiv link. if you're complaining about those two websites, well, complaining about porn on pixiv or poipiku is like complaining that there are birds in the trees. even there, there's plenty of sfw art and all the spicy stuff is locked behind 18+ labels.

or are you seeing it on reddit? they dont allow porn on the subreddit so that's honestly impressive. on bluesky? well, there's hardly any rain code at all so ig the three whole porn posts there would stand out. how about on youtube? insta? where? where are you seeing all of this porn? as far as i know- and i go seeking out a lot of rain code content- adults and nsfw creators have been very reasonable, placing their stuff behind warnings and hidden in adult discord servers.

either way, i dont mind minors in this fandom - i welcome anyone because this fandom is small as hell - but even if the fandom was rampant with porn, complaining about the amount of horny adults in the "Kodaka's Horny M Rated Game" fandom is a bit strange to me in the first place.

.

[greentrickster]

Adjusting to the pacing difference between Saturation and Got a Light? is messing with my head.

Like, I've been writing Saturation for five years, and notable events only happen once or twice a month or so in-universe, because it's Ace Attorney and Edgeworth is the POV and main character, so it's mainly just his life and the parts of his friends' lives that he's involved in that get shown. It has a very slow, comfortable pace, partially from how long the in-universe timeline is (from partway through the second game through the entire seven-year time gap), partially because of my own languid stroll through Edgeworth's joys and sorrows of daily life. Plus, it's a more real-world setting, where the cases shown in the games are canonically pretty spaced out for the most part.

In contrast, Got a Light? takes place in RWBY's action/comedy/low fantasy setting, has an ensemble cast of nine primary characters (Torchwick, Neo, Qrow, Ozpin, Ruby, Weiss, Jaune, Nora, and Ren (with Pyrrha being the special DLC secondary character who also gets a reasonable amount of screen time)). They're all going through different things and interacting with each other, Torchwick's a ghost, Cinder's trying to basically end the world because she's just that petty and spiteful, and everyone else is trying to stop/kill Cinder because she accidentally set off a chain of events in stealing the Autumn Maiden's powers that make her literally ending the world extremely likely if she isn't. The timeline has space for everyone to train and have some breathing room, because I'm factoring in that Cinder started preparing her move before the school year started but didn't actually make it until what I'm choosing to believe was near the middle/end of second semester, so she's more methodical in this setting but also more dangerous for it, but everything's still happening in a wildly condensed timeline compared to Saturation's over seven years and to me it feels like everything is happening at a breakneck speed as a result.

Like, the RWBY characters really do have quite a bit of time to get their stuff organized, relatively speaking, the space of multiple months, and if you try to be on-edge and battle-ready for that long, you will be a limp rag by the time the battle finally gets there (which Cinder is actually counting on, as her message in this setting was less 'the hunter academies are a secret shadow government' more 'yeah, I did this, lol, Haven's next,' and she has since fucked off to go get her shit ready for her next attack and to let everyone stew about when that will be in the meantime).

And different things are happening to different characters at the same time, all of which need to be shown. But it also means so much is happening at once, and I'm constantly having to remind myself that this is a wildly different setting and situation than Ace Attorney, and it's not that I'm rushing things, it's just a different setting, it's fine.

It doesn't help that I've spent the better part of the past month writing a bunch of load-bearing scenes from various points in the timeline that, while necessary and good, are also fairly serious in overall tone, and kind of a downer when encountered all at once, instead of spaced out like they're going to be when everything's in order.

[my-castles-crumbling]

so like after a period of some not so healthy communication my bsf and I are no longer friends I guess and honestly? all my other friends think its for the best and ig yeah but I guess its kind of hard to fix that void. its not something we can just TALK about, we've tried and always ended up in the same place and we cant really be friends again. not in "this timeline" which ironically is a concept she firmly believes in (of things not happening again in "this timeline") and she has tumblr (she's the one who introduced me to tumblr and your blog though I'm often inactive) and I KNOW she'll see this and I guess that's okay. I'm glad for our times together but its just not possible for us to be friends anymore. we've hurt each other too much, mutually, and we're just very different people compared to those 9 year old peas in a pod that we once were. I don't believe that ill find someone else who's anything like her and I guess I'm glad. she'd be special in my memories like that. being friends again is not an option. my other friends will definitely kill me because every time our friendship has reached a breaking point we've always temporarily resolved it until a new issue arises and the cycle repeats. and they just think its really unhealthy and I get it. I. get. it. but finding no one like her is also a challenge because I've gotten so accustomed to needing someone who gives me comfort like she does. im not that accustomed to other peoples comfort but I guess I'll learn. its only 3 and a half more years until I get out of this hellhole and make genuine friends for life anyway.

it sounds so incredibly petty if I tell you I removed her from all my socials but I did. so that I don't get the urge to reach out, not like she'd talk to me anyway. its. unhealthy. my brain knows that but my heart doesn't. my heart longs to be embraced by her. my heart wants to cry about this problem to her even though its literally about her. my heart just cant accept that it wont be us anymore.

my brain wants to move the fuck on. im becoming a different person and I don't have the same life I once did. I don't need her because she isn't a part of my new persona.

so my brain and my heart are at constant war with eachother. I guess she was my first real female friendship. the first one that went downhill. the other friendships I lost were over petty things and I'm on talking terms with them all. this one is different. it goes deeper than anything else. it makes me want to laugh and sob and tear out my hair in frustration all at once. its the first proper gruesome betrayal because we betrayed younger us. younger us who would've been neighbours and live to see eachother with grey hair. I have an ex who I was IN LOVE with and when we broke up I never cried as much as I'm crying for this friend. of course the circumstances were a bit different but I haven't cried so hard for ANYONE leaving. and now I guess I'm scared they'll all leave.

ill get over it just like I get over everything else but its just so much harder.

...................et tu, brute?

Hi!

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I think the really sad truth is that some people just...bring out the worst in each other. Like they have an unhealthy relationship, no matter what type and what they do. And it doesn't make them bad people, it just doesn't work.

Friendship breakups are AWFUL too because I feel like people are less likely to take them seriously. But you have to go through a mourning period, just like a relationship breakup. It's hard, and it takes time, and it's okay to have all sorts of feelings about it. But it sounds like you know that this is what's best for both of you, at least for now.

Remember thought that just because friendship didn't work with one person, it doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. Everyone is different, and not everyone will leave <3

Naming you timeline anon

[englandsgirl18181234]

I’m thinking, why is it in your Chthonic!Athena au that the rest of the gods have such a different perception of, well, everything, compared to Apollo and Athena? Like, you mentioned that those two are particularly traumatized and perceive what everyone else sees as petty arguments and fun rivalries as far more serious, personal, and hurtful than it is intended. There’s clearly been some sort of miscommunication here but I can’t figure out where it would all have gone wrong. Was it really just God Games and Athena getting so hurt that changed everything for them both or was this a fear that was already building before and God Games only made it so much worse?

Okay, so the main difference between Apollo and Athena and everyone else? Is that Apollo and Athena are Zeus's 'favorite' children. They were on Olympus and in Zeus's presence more than any of the other Olympians except Hera combined.

Artemis has her Hunters, Ares regularly goes to war, Hermes is constantly delivering messages, Poseidon and Hades both have their own kingdoms to run, Demeter spends six months of the year barely leaving her palace because Persephone is in the Underworld, Hephaestus rarely leaves his forge, and Aphrodite is regularly in the mortal world more often than any of the others.

But Apollo and Athena don't have those excuses. Apollo has the Sun Chariot, but Zeus knows he doesn't need to personally drive it from Helios. And Athena doesn't even have that.

They had a Much closer view of Zeus's terrifying temper, and how it seemed to be contagious. People around him were just generally worse to each other, and Zeus in particular was vicious with both his words and his actions.

Meetings when his temper truly flared were always the worst when it came to arguments and fights, and often Zeus would deliberately make even small disagreements worse.

Athena and Apollo basically see everyone else's actions through the lense of Zeus's deliberate cruelty at this point. The way they see everyone else is the way he actually was.

Before God Games, it was just an intrusive thought both of them had at times, that the others genuinely meant all the things they said in the worst ways the way that Zeus did.

But after God Games, what basically happened was that the two of them were so traumatized by what happened, Athena from her near death at Zeus's hands, and Apollo from the fact that Athena repeatedly came so close to true death while under his care because of their father's actions, that everyone's words and actions started to be looked at in the worst possible light so that they wouldn't be so caught off guard and defenseless again.

Both of them blame themselves for the others trauma in a lot of ways.

With Athena, she blames herself for not being stronger, blames herself for not expecting Zeus to do what he did. She's the goddess of Wisdom and War, she should have known better than to provoke him the way she did. She should have rolled with the punches better, as it were. Should have fought better, talked better, been able to calm him down before it became violent.

With Apollo, he blames himself for being a part of the game in the first place. He blames himself for not getting to her sooner, blames himself for not being able to heal her, blames himself for not seeing it coming. He's the God of Prophecy and Healing. He should have seen it coming, should have been able to stop it, should have been able to heal her more, heal her better, heal her completely so she wouldn't have been suffering like she was for so long.

And because they blame themselves, they're both extremely protective of each other, and neither of them are willing to risk being caught so off guard by a sudden betrayal like that again.

So all that trauma and worry, especially when combined with Athena's worsening condition that they were still hiding, basically had them in a bit of an echo chamber. They both believed the worst in the others after everything, and because of that, neither of them were willing to get close enough to any of them enough to break that pattern of thinking.

So essentially, they're both traumatized in different ways from the others, both from God Games and from their close proximity to Zeus and his temper, and that led to them not being willing to trust anyone else.

[hersterical]

Being the change I want to see in the world by posting Faith and Angel friendship/sibling headcanons (ignoring the comics cause I’ve never read them and some of the parts of ats that I don’t like):

Barring apocalyptic or other comparable season finale-esque events, Angel would call her in the prison every single week without fail

Faith is embarrassed by this in the same way a teenager is embarrassed when their friends find out that they have parents who love them

Every single one of these phone calls begins with a long, awkward silence as both of these losers struggle to find something to talk about. Eventually these long pauses become comforting to both of them

What they usually end up talking about (other than the progress of Faith’s redemption arc) is Angel venting about the annoying/mildly uncomfortable things he had to do during a job (the guy could literally be stranded in a hell dimension and what he spends the most time talking about is how itchy the clothes were) while Faith keeps him updated on the petty relationship/political drama happening around her like it’s a soap opera

After everything goes down and they have the occasional time to hang out, their time together is almost always spent watching their guilty pleasure chick flicks. Angel prefers the more serious, tragic, tear jerkers while Faith is more into rom-coms. They’ve sworn to never reveal this to anyone ever

A viewing of But I’m a Cheerleader leads to their first in depth discussion of both of their love lives.

Spike worked his way into a movie night once and they ended up watching Rocky Horror Picture Show. Angel refuses to admit that he loves it just as much as the other two did

Angel and Faith occasionally patrol for vamps and other demons at night clubs. On nights with less demonic activity they end up spending a lot of time people watching. Sometimes they’re petty and judgey and sometimes they try to get the other to break by telling the most ridiculous backstory possible while still maintaining a dry delivery

Whenever Faith is traveling she’ll send Angel a postcard. She’ll also occasionally call him. Faith claims to hate all of his worrying and mother-henning but secretly loves it. Angel doesn’t call her because she always forgets to give him her phone number

If Faith goes for more than a month or two with no contact then Angel will contact one of the scoobies so he can be not mad, just disappointed with her for worrying him. He’ll avoid contacting Buffy about Faith because the dynamics between all of them are still kind of weird even though she’s the one most likely to know where Faith is at any time

Angel is unaware that he’s dating both Cordy and Spike until Faith asks him about it

All of Faith’s singing abilities fly out the window whenever she’s hanging out with Angel and his gang

Lorne and Gunn make occasional cracks about how it makes sense that Faith and Angel get along, considering their names. The only ones who find these jokes funny are Lorne, Gunn, and Fred

Eventually Faith begins to show some small signs of aging. The only acknowledgment this receives is a silent, bittersweet smile shared between the two of them because who ever thought that they’d be alive long enough for Faith to show signs of aging? and Angel will never have the chance to grow old

They tend to forget to hold back with each other whenever they spar. This is both a source of concern and entertainment to the different members of the Fang Gang

Angel gets into the habit of fondly messing up Faith’s hair as a sign of affection. In return, Faith punches him in the arm or chest hard enough that no one else, not even a fellow slayer, would consider it to be playful. This is the most reliable way anyone has found to make him laugh

Angel has yet to approve of anyone Faith has dated and will occasionally try to convince her to at least try to ask out Buffy. Those conversations usually end in an impromptu sparring session

They both order huge meals when they go to their favorite 24-hour diner after patrolling or working a case together where Angel will then give Faith all of his food. There’s a demon friendly butcher not too far away that they usually hit up for blood anyway since the owner is still grateful that Angel helped them out one time

They. Are. Siblings.

[qqtxt]

[🍬] perfectly spontaneous [🦊]

[!] this is for the 500 followers mini fics. click here to find out more! ✿ pairing: yeonjun x reader / idol!txt / non.idol!you / fluff / 754 words ✿ request: “was that your first kiss?” + yeonjun [main masterlist 🌸] / [event masterlist] / [tag: #qqtxt: 500]

the moment was supposed to be perfect and that was all yeonjun wanted it to be. when he heard you confessing to soobin that you had never been kissed, he wanted to somehow plan it out for you to make it like how you imagined it to be (even when he didn’t know what it could’ve looked like in your mind).

yet... yet, it happened at the moment he had least expect it.

the music lowly hums from his speakers, the bass lightly vibrating the room as he has you on his lap. seated closely to the monitors; one of his arms banded by your waist while the other loosely fiddles with the mouse. maybe it was the proximity, maybe it was the late night that seemingly made everything feel more romantic than it actually was.

regardless, it happened out of nowhere.

all it took was for you to turn the cheek to meet his gaze. that smile lining your lips, alluring eyes; everything about you seemed to lure him in. more so when you’re moving closer towards him, hands tightening on his arm and eyes gently falling shut. he doesn’t know how, doesn’t know what possesses him to close his eyes as well and then he feels it. the softness of your lips against his; plush, just as he had dreamt of and more–oh god, he still can’t believe this is happening.

he doesn’t know who pulls back first, all he does know he goes in for another kiss and he adores–adores the tiny hitch in your breath before the willingness you sink into all that he has to offer.

this time, when you two lean away to get a good look at each other, yeonjun’s already smiling. his gummy smile coming to view, the way his eyes squint up when he’s smiling too hard but not nearly enough when you look shy. maybe admittedly wanting more but not courageous enough to ask just yet. he breaks the silence, his voice cutting through the muted music with: “was that your first kiss?”

it’s like he’s awaken someone else in you when the sass in your tone is undiminishable.

“you’re asking as if you didn’t know,”

his eyes start to widen, and compared to the smooth, slick guy he was earlier, it’s like it’s dissolved to–”w-what?”

“soobin told me he felt like you knew, and that maybe you were planning something and true enough, i found that someone had booked tickets for a ferris wheel this coming weekend and i just didn’t want you to freak out the entire day for nothing–”yeonjun places a finger on your lips, his confusion contorting his face to the point where you can’t even see his panicked demeanour diminishing because he’s–”wait,” he huffs, brows meeting the centre of his forehead, “you found out?!”

you offer him an awkward smile, two hands now gently nudging his finger from your lips, “oops?”

“i’m going to kill choi soobin,”

“i mean... you could actually thank him because if it wasn’t for him, you would be shitting your pants trying to create a perfect moment that didn’t need perfecting,” you grab ahold of his face, “as long as it’s with you, it doesn’t matter, jun-ah.”

he tries not to let your words affect him, even though it’s already starting to take charge of his body. it’s... he can’t help it, okay? words of praise are his weakness and his lips are twitching. he involuntarily allows his arm to squeeze your waist and he looks away before you can call him out on it. he knows it’s coming when you chuckle and he keeps trying to fight it when your hands cup his cheeks, trying to get him to turn your way.

it’s only when you call him softly with jun-ah... that he sighs and allows you to turn his face. he’s met with a fleeting kiss. one that doesn’t feel real. but it’s real when he locks eyes with you but of course, of course his pettiness doesn’t go away just yet.

“it’s gonna take a lot more kisses than that to make it up to me. i spent a lot of time trying to think of the best date for your first kiss!”

"is that so?” you snort, lightly pointing with your head at this monitor, “what happened to being busy with this track?”

“ah,” he scoffs a laugh, already rooting his feet onto the floor so he can start rolling the pair of you away from work, “it can wait.”

[ashleighwho]

My 2024 Lolita Coord & Closet Anlysis

Every Janurary, lolitas around the globe start filming and photographing every single their closets...

Call me lazy, but that's just not for me!

What I do like, though, is tracking the cost and usage of my items. Knowing what I do and don't use is of great help when choosing what to buy next without being wasteful, and knowing what I spent a lot on compared to that usage also tells me if it was worth buying (or not.) So that's what this post is!

Keep in mind all prices are in NZD. (1NZD=0.56 USD)

Some have been approximately converted from foreign countries, or I have owned them a lobg time so am approximating.

So, here's my:

MOST EXPENSIVE COORD:

No competition, it's a coord with Angelic Pretty's Charming Cherry JSK!

The KC and Bow came with a set but would be sold separately for around $30. The blouse was $25, the socks $10 and $5, the shoes are ancient but I'd estimate they were $35, the bag was $110, and the necklace $25, with THE JSK being a whopping $200 (ish) secondhand.

TOTAL: 440

My Least Expensive Coord:

Thritfting sure does keep prices down!

The blouse was $4.50 , found NWT in a thrift store, the skirt was $15 from a local auction and included a haori, the shoes were $25 on Aliexpress, and the socks were $12 on Taobao. The KC was the most expensive item at $30!

Total: $86.50

My Most Used Coord:

Not necessarily the whole coord together, as much as the blouse, socks, skirt, and shoes all happen to be my most used items. The bag is also used a lot casually.

I also get a lot of use of of my berets in general, and have just recently added a pink one to my collection!

Everything but the cardigan is a few years old too, so I can't even begin to math the value.

My Most Liked Coord

I thought it would be interesting to add what turned out to be my most liked (lolita) picture on Instagram!

My decora coords in general always do well, so it makes total sense for a coord that's both to take the top spot.

And yet it's also one of my cheaper coords!

The JSK is ancient now, but I believe was around $25 when I bought it used. The blouse was $20, the mesh shirt was a $5 (ish) thrift find, the same $25 shoes, at a rough guesstimate the accessories would add up to around $50, the most expensive item is probably my $45 socks!

Total: 190

But Wait, The Petticoats!

Personally, the sheer amount of use I get out of petticoats means I don't include them in budgeting coords.

Coords, 1,2, & 4 all use a cheap $25 crinoline. Given I have worn it over 20 times this year alone, and it's almost 5 years old, I'd say it's basically free!

I also have a Me Likes Tea custom petti for my longer skirts, but I just barely ever wore that this year. But last year, I used it more than 30 times!

I also have an Aurora&Ariel 12M, but it's got so many holes it's basically walking itself out to the bin.

And lastly, I have some cosplay petticoats as used in the 3rd coord. Since they're over 10 years old, they're basically free!

Anyway, I think beyond anything else this just shows how possible it is to coord on a budget!

Let me know if you take up the challenge and analyse your own coords :) #mycoords2024

[patrocles]

i started hotd but had to stop when criston Beat A Gay Man to Death and then just stuck around making snide comments about rhae i got so confused with the fandom shipping him with alicent did i miss something?? im sorry im not in the fandom i just Dont Understand why people like criston in any way that scene was so upsetting and homophobic

(I'm going to use this opportunity to yap a lot about Criston and Alicent, a lot of this is just things i've been mulling over, I'm not shouting down at you specifically, anon. i absolutely understand wanting to stop the show, or any show that makes you uncomfortable)

So I think a lot of nuance is being purposefully removed when people talk about Criston. And I do think the writing of s1 is to blame cus it is super spotty in a lot of places especially in regards to characterization cus it was just rapid-fire pacing. And a similar argument could also be made for how people talk about Alicent.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely not saying anyone has to like Criston (or any character) and I’m definitely not saying that Criston isn’t flawed. (In fact, the opposite— that his flaws are exactly what make him a compelling character)

I mean hell, Daemon killed his wife, treats Rhaena like shit, and groomed Rhaenyra, but no one really questions how or why people enjoy him as a character.

But Alicent and Criston DO have a complex and interesting relationship. And I think there's definitely something to be said about how people talk about them specifically compared to the other Targaryen characters. People who hate Alicent like to reduce her whole character down to her being petty and jealous of Rhaenyra for having "good sex", hypocritical, "white feminist", slept with Nyra's dad so she's a scheming bitch the whole time. Very much removing context and simplifying her down to nothing.

A similar thing can be said for how people talk about Criston. It's very easy to reduce him to just this petty incel lunatic, which feels unfair. Especially when Targaryen characters specifically are given miles of deference and nuance, despite their flaws like Aegon for example.

Going back to the writing, I think what got lost in show translation surrounding him killing Joffrey was circumstances surrounding Criston at the time— again, please don’t think I’m excusing it, I just think context matters— is how serious these characters (particularly Alicent and Criston) believe in the world that they're in. And it's not something that's truly emphasized in the writing.

It's not that Alicent is just jealous of Rhaenyra for "having a good sex life", but she truly believes that Rhaenyra is breaking laws that have existed for everyone else forever. (Having bastards is against the law, bastards inheriting IS against the law, putting a bastard on the throne would be super duper against the law). But what broke their friendship was that Rhaenyra lied about something serious, something Alicent would have protected and defended her over, and that cost her her father, the 1 person who was on her side in some small way. Subsequently, she became untrustworthy to Alicent.

And finally she snaps at Driftmark after years of being gaslit and essentially told that the rules that she's always had to abide by (bc it's the rules everyone else has to abide by) (and the rules that got her pimped out to a leper king and forced to have kids he wouldn't even care about), doesn't apply to Rhaenyra and the final straw is being told that the physical well being of her son doesn't matter as much as the hurt feelings of Rhaenyra's.

Circling back, Criston was fully expecting to die after he told Alicent what happened with Rhaenyra because because he broke his oaths and it's punishable by death— and he knows this has been enforced before. He was crumbling, mentally, believing that everything he worked for is gone only to then have his shame indirectly blackmailed/threatened by some guy he doesn't even know. And he snaps with the intent to commit suicide after. But it wasn't an attack out of homophobia, though. It would have happened regardless of who it was, it just happened to be Joffrey.

Why people like Alicent and Criston because they very much are a unit of non-Targaryens existing within the Targaryen family and will always be considered outsiders. (Criston especially is a racial minority within the world, being part Dornish, and who are not looked at favorably by the rest of the country). They've both tried to be a part of this family as best they can, been used by them. (There's definitely a case to be made, whether people like it or not, about the dubious consent surrounding Rhaenyra using her power to get Criston to sleep with her and whether or not he even had the power to refuse her. And part of what breaks him is knowing the 1 thing he had, his honor, was thrown away for something that didn't matter to Rhaenyra at all, even if she knew the consequences for him too.)

Criston is Alicent's person that's kind of just all hers, which matters a great deal to her after nearly a lifetime of never really having anyone that's on her side, exclusively, and hasn't tried to exploit her for their own personal gain. He's sworn to her and likewise, Alicent gives Criston renewed purpose in life. Even if we don't see it, we can absolutely infer that he stepped in with her children when they were being neglected by Viserys. He's probably the 1 person that Alicent has come to trust completely when it became very evident that she had no one else. In Alicent, Criston has found a sort of salvation, and there's this religious idealization of her. They're basically coworkers and kinda best friends and also kinda co-parents.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that he's her attack dog at the ready, as some people have claimed; the 1 time we to see her actually instruct him to do violence (take Luke's eye), he refuses and he goes to stop her from hurting Rhaenyra before being stopped by Daemon.

So what I mean by all this, is that I genuinely think there are a lot of complex things at work with Criston and his relationship with Alicent. That's not at all to say that you have to ship them and I understand why some people don't. I think it's a bit reductive to say that he's just this violent animal with nothing else interesting to think about.

In summary:

[geekgirles]

Unhappy Campers: an Honest Review

I’ve been impatiently waiting for this episode all day. I even spent the last two hours before it premiered constantly refreshing YouTube to see if it had already dropped, so it’s fair to say I was very excited for this episode thanks to the sneak peeks we’ve been getting over the months. On the one hand, because it promised to introduce Barbie Wire into the show at last, and on the other hand, because it promised more Millie screentime as well. 

And while it definitely delivered on both things, I can’t help but feel Unhappy Campers is actually one of the weakest episodes of the show. Or at least of season 2. 

My main problem with the episode is that the conflict feels rather forced to me. Not the Blitzo/Barbie Wire conflict, since at this point Blitzo’s sister hating him despite how much he seems to genuinely love her and care for her is pretty much on brand with this show and his character, but the M&M conflict.

It just feels like it comes completely out of nowhere, you know? Like it just doesn’t add up with the rest of the show. At least, compared to Moxxie and Millie’s characters and interactions in every other episode. 

You could say my main problem is that what goes down during the episode would work if this were a separate episode, completely unrelated to the rest of the season, sort of like Queen Bee. But the thing is, it’s not supposed to be its own thing, it’s supposed to be connected to the rest of the story, so it ends up feeling very incoherent with what we’ve been seeing so far. 

It’s obvious from the very beginning that Moxxie is going through an Acquired Situational Narcissism moment as a result of this being his first case where he gets to lead, meaning he expects everything to go his way just because he gets to be in charge. Everything Moxxie does in this episode is a desperate attempt to reflect how important he is feeling at the moment, instead of taking the best, most practical course of action. 

That is to say, listening to Millie and take care of the murderous teenager who’s clearly very bad at keeping a low profile.

This goes from his Moxxine persona, a typical Alpha Bitch type who would have everyone wrapped around her finger...

...to trying very hard to win everyone at camp...

...especially by presenting himself as better than everyone else in order to become popular.

Only to fail miserably because these kids for once aren’t your stereotypical sheep looking for a mean-spirited leader to follow. No, they aren’t impressed by a fake attitude coupled with a presumptuous confidence and thinly masked condescension, but by actual talent and charisma. 

And who happens to have that? 

Millie, or Millerd, in this case. 

So while Moxxie’s trying desperately to get these kids to like him and become popular, Millie is achieving just that effortlessly, while making her husband increasingly envious of her popularity at the same time. 

Now, this in itself isn’t a bad premise. Most shows have at least one instance where one of the main characters is more well-liked than the other, who becomes frightenly jealous and petty as a result. In fact, this would work if it had happened between Blitzo and Moxxie, for example. 

But it’s the fact that Moxxie is feeling jealous of Millie, his wife, that to me this sort of feels like it comes out of left field. 

Basically because so far Moxxie and Millie’s marriage has been nothing but perfectly harmonious and equally loving and supportive. Moxxie has always been Millie’s #1 fan and supporter, so I find it a bit hard to believe the same guy who stood up to his intimidating in-laws because they were unfairly reprimanding his wife for a mistake on their part would now grow jealous and petty over others appreciating her many talents. 

No matter where you look at it, this is just entirely out of character of Moxxie. Not only because he would never be so resentful of the love of his life, but because Moxxie just isn’t this self-centred. Even when he was struggling to keep up with Striker in The Harvest Moon Festival, it was only because Striker and Millie’s family kept looking down on him and he wanted to prove himself. It was never a matter of stroking his own ego. 

And then, there’s Millie’s side on the matter. 

As I said, it’s great that we had some more Millie screentime and that she expressed needs and wants of her own for once, but the problem is, I personally feel like they come out of nowhere and fail to properly connect with anything that’s already been established. 

Millie says she feels like she’s important and someone to be proud of for once, which hints at some deeper insecurities that are worth being explored. Unfortunately, these insecurities are being introduced now, after a season and a half, so there isn’t really much that would make us understand her outburst here. In my opinion, it almost feels as if Millie’s character has been so perfectly content with her life overall, never showing signs of having any kind of issue of her own, that now that they need some drama, the writers just have no idea what to do with her in order to achive that. It’s like they’re now adding toppings on an already cooked pizza, if you know what I mean.

And the funny part is, this is actualy easily salvageable! 

Literally all it would take to make this more coherent and better woven with the rest of story would be to link Millie’s outburst to her family life. No need to suddenly turn Joe and Lynn into abusive parents, because we have enough of that already, but they could have played with what they already had. 

While the episode itself didn’t dwell on it, as it was a Moxxie episode, Millie’s interactions with her parents and Sallie May hint at some sort of favouritism towards the latter because she is a better assassin--in the sense that Sallie May at least doesn’t seem to get carried away with her killing and is smart enough to hide the bodies of her victims. Also, in their parents’ eyes, her life in the farm is more stable than Millie’s job as a free-lance, which they don’t even understand how it works.

 Joe and Lynn are very set on their ways regarding how people should be killed: with your bare hands or using melee weapons, you can’t be sloppy and let your guard down, be smart about it... Qualities Millie doesn’t follow one way or another: her husband isn’t physically strong and prefers guns, she lets her emotions get in the way and hinder her kills, she forgot to cover up nine deaths in the last Pain Games she participated in...

Really, all it would have taken to fix her feelings on the matter coming practically out of nowhere would have been a little mention to her home life and how she feels she never measured up to her parents’ expectations of her and now she’s finally being validated for being who she is. 

Instead, we’re left with an episode whose premise only makes sense as a stand-alone or with a different set of characters and where the only cohesive thing is another person from Blitzo’s past hating his guts. 

Anyway, this is just my opinion and everyone is entitled to their own. I don’t know if I’m alone on this one. Thanks for taking the time to read this nonetheless.

[alpydk]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

You said it was open tag @dr-demi-bee so yoink!

When did you start writing?

I've always written since I was a kid. I remember writing a self insert Jonny Quest fic of about 100 words when I was really young. Couldn't tell you what happened it in but I know I kept it hidden because there was kissing involved.

Then I remember being about 11 and writing a fic of a girl who lived with her two step parents (Guess whose parents hadn't got divorced by that point so they didn't understand how that worked). There was so much angst and TV soap drama I got asked if everything was okay at home. But serious writing wasn't under Feb this year with the BG3 obsession. I don't have a fancy literature degree; I don't have analysis skills of Shakespeare and other fancy authors. I'm just a muppet with a keyboard.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I love reading sci-fi, especially if its dystopian, Children of Men is one of my favourite books, as are a lot of works by Philip K. Dick, but I've never tried writing sci-fi before and don't really plan to. I also enjoy reading some smut (within reason) but really dislike writing it. I will happily give you a nondescript non/con fic over an explicit love fucking. I've done it, you've all seen it and some even liked it, but my smut writing days are very much on hold right now.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I've never been compared to anyone else. Do we normally get compared, is that a thing? I'm curious who I would be compared to now... As for emulation, I don't really want to. My writing is my own, and it conveys who I am as a person. If I were emulating someone else, would I not just be a cheap copy of them? (Possibly I'm seeing emulation in the wrong terms, blame the illiteracy)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

This is it currently. Basic I know, but I'm not one for clutter on my desk otherwise I get distracted easily. I share the room with my kid who has her PC next to me, normally playing Minecraft or nattering away, so I get pulled away plenty. The troll has been with me since 2005 and sat on my desk in various offices across the UK and Ireland, now helping me to write with its words of wisdom. (It doesn't really but maybe I can claim it's a beta reader or something.)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Spite! Yes, I know this sounds insane and petty and all the other negative words but fucking hell is spite one hell of a muse. One of my fics I wrote very long ago was based of a fanfic I read that just got under my skin. The subject had been taken and turned into this fluffy, romance thing and I was so fucking bitter and annoyed at how little the person had clearly researched into the topic. I went and wrote my fic including the reality of it all and it felt so cathartic to do so. (This is not the way to write fics, I'm just a terrible person) Otherwise, walking, daydreaming, regular tropes you like. Browsing the tags on Ao3 and seeing what strikes your fancy. That's where the hate sex fic came from.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Control is a big theme that I find creeps in. Whether it be Gale and smut and his self control, or the non/con fics that seem to slip in. Then there is Nana and her past, and the PPD fic, and of course the S/H fic. Yeah control is the big one. Does it surpise me? Not Really. Control is a topic I've tried to explain many a time to a therapist only to be misunderstood so I think I use my writing a lot to get my thoughts on it out into the open.

What is your reason for writing?

More productive daydreaming. If I could lie in a room all day or walk around in a daydream I would, but unfortunatly the world seems to be insisting that I embrace reality, and so writing is the compromise. I also genuinely do enjoy it but could not explain to you why.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Motivating? I'm not sure... I like comments, I like validation like anyone else but they fill that void, they don't necessarily motivate me. When I finished my bachelor paper we had to do an oral exam to back it up, and the exam censor was a professor of literature. Her feedback to my writing was that it was easy to understand and a pleasure to read. That comment stuck with me and has definitely motivated me to stick with my style. I don't like gatekeeping behind faux intellect. So possibly that comment?

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I AM A GOD! I don't know really. I guess just being thought about in general is enough. I've always been sort of out of sight, out of mind in life. Like Gale, I've always believed myself to be very much 'if I'm not needed then I'm not wanted' - So just being remembered is enough. (Gods, that sounds so fucking sad now that I think about it.)

Under the surface, I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Hopefully it's just ease of understanding. Like I know we all want these literary masterpieces that will change the world or provide some sort of beauty that bring people to tears, but I just want to tell stories and make people feel stuff other than confusion. And I like to think I manage that. So yeah, that's my strength.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Hmmm.... I am my own worst critic in every single aspect of my life. It will never been good enough (see how I've got Gale's angst down so well???). I like my writing, I like flow and repetition. I like how it covers topics I want to read about and isn't just being produced to be produced like I've seen some bigger writers do (they're not on Tumblr, don't worry before you all start wondering 'is it me?'.) And I like how it's not all the same stuff. I have quite a lot of variety of varying standards. Some I really like, others I sigh at and wonder how I'd do them differently.

---- Anyway, do I tag this for others or open tag it again. I just like talking and am trying to distract myself from the inevitable chapter I need to write today.