#like they’re not going to forget that just bc you changed your tune bc they are no longer kids

[autistichansolo]

in regards to the last post i’ve reblogged, it’s so true that is so easy to make kids like you and to be the cool aunt/uncle.

you know what my 3 year old nephew thinks all his aunts and uncles are cool and literally always ask if we are going to be there (when he comes to his grandparents, my parents) bc we spend time with him and do stuff with him so he likes us

[paroxysmal-distaste]

proximity. || ch13, weird

IVE LITERALLY BEEN GONE ONLY BC IM GOING INTO UNIVERSITY IM SO SORRY HERE'S A CHAPTER UIJKRF THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS

◬ Chapter 13 - Weird ◬ ◬ Pairing: Bill Cipher x Fem! Reader ◬ ◬ Date Published: 27/05/2019 ◬ ◬ Word Count: 5146 ◬

Sixty degrees that come in threes. Watches from within birch trees. Saw his own dimension burn. Misses home and can't return. Says he's happy. He's a liar Blame the arson for the fire. If he wants to shirk the blame, He'll have to invoke my name. One way to absolve his crime. A different form. A different time.

...

The entirety of your night was spent tossing and turning, clutching the sides of your head the same way you would if you had a headache. What you had, however, was worse.

Gaining Bill’s powers hadn’t taken a toll on you this badly. Not before, anyways. It’s like your body was allowing you to slowly digest each ability as a way of adjusting and preventing you from going into instant shock (or death) from the sudden change. Evolutionary, perhaps?

Sure, you could handle a little intangibility or teleportation, things that very much differed from your normal ‘day-to-day’ metal control or electrical generation- but last night marked the beginning of a new problem.

Every. single. hour was spent trying to ignore the cacophony of overlapping thoughts from hundreds of different people at once.

Out of both curiosity and as a way to feed your sanity, you managed to tune into the mind of a random but strange individual, probably someone only a few kilometres away from you, only to be marvelled at how disgusting and unfiltered their thoughts were.

Made sense, these were their thoughts- it’s why they’re so personal, and it’s not expected someone could involuntarily end up reading their mind anyways. In some manner, who were you to make judgements about someone in the privacy of their own head? But after hearing that man’s dialogue, you had opted for trying one last time to sleep (out of horror), forcing the multiple human voices to be hushed into white noise.

But those whispers of rhyme… what did they mean? Was it because of Bill?

Your mind drifted off to the events of yesterday.

"Na-ah-ah, doll. You didn't think I'd forget about you calling me your boyfriend, now did you?"

Ugh.

You hated the way Bill made your face glow multiple times a day. Just the very recollection made a bad taste spread across your tongue. Call it a blow to your pride or genuine embarrassment, you didn't care- all you knew was that you didn't like it.

Obviously, your embarrassment was due to his teasing and that would be fine if you had to only dabble in his presence every once in a while, like a proper friend. But he was attached to your hip. He saw every reaction he wanted and he was basically living with you at this point, so moments of embarrassment for you were as clear as day and came more often than not.

After hearing his question, you got a little defensive, turning your head from him, absolutely mortified you had just walked into a trap that will give him enough fuel to last him weeks.

“It was the first thing I thought of! What the hell did you want me to say?” It was a hoarse whisper shout at best, and your eyes flickered to the group of teenagers behind Bill.

Bill’s grin grew so incredibly wide you wanted to slap him for being so annoying. You let out harsh air through your nose as he closed his eyes lightly and tsked, shaking his head.

“Why would that be your first thought?”

You paused.

Ironically? It wasn’t actually your first thought. But still, you could’ve said he was your cousin or family member... you later realised. You chewed on your bottom lip, staring at the ground in thought.

“Doll?”

“Hm? Oh.” You tilted your head up at him, hands on your waist defiantly, “I would’ve told him we were friends but the last time I visited I told him I had no friends, so it was just a precaution. I was being paranoid.”

He snorted, “You got that right.”

You lightly smacked his arm, muttering ,"Which part," before adding, "You're really not the sort of person I'd usually be caught dead hanging out with anyways."

He quirked an eyebrow, a flicker of disdain flashing across his face so fast that it scared you.

"For someone that doesn't have any 'friends', you've got quite the mouth on you." He replied almost a little too quickly, as if he was ready to pounce at any sign of your rebellion.

"I don't have any friends because I don't want any. Sort of requiring too much effort–especially with my time spent on people I'm never going to talk to again 5 years from now. Not because of my personality or anything." You sounded unsure now, and perhaps a little insecure. Pure pure coping right now.

Friends were something you had barely stayed in contact with, but it still hurt to not have anybody checking up on you. After a while it was something you got used to, and nowadays having friends seems to be more of a burden than anything else. It didn't matter, you told yourself, you've got your work to focus on.

"Maybe that IS why you don't have any."

Your mind had already drifted into another hazy thought and the 'friend topic' was now gone. Hearing Bill's comment had actually made you falter in what the hell he was going on about this time.

"I hope you realise how bad that sounds." You replied absentmindedly, slapping a hand over your forehead and cringing when you realised what you said.

"Hm? Your mind's going there, huh?" He smoothed his hand over his opposite forearm, smiling at you with eyes half-lidded. The look would be complete if he had a cat's tail waving mischievously behind him. Or maybe the Devil's tail.

You flushed trying to cover up your mistake and backtracking, "Not like that, God." A glance from side to side and then back to Bill made you squint at him this time, "...Besides, I don't see your friends anywhere."

"I don't just keep my friends nailed to my sleeve, doll. Not anymore. They're waiting for my return in my dimension, you'll see." He smiled sleazily at you, like he knew more than you did.

God, it was annoying how he seemed to have a response for everything.

You snorted as his grin grew wider, "No but seriously doll! Last time you visited, you also hadn’t met me.” He used both hands to refer to himself proudly and raised his eyebrows like what he was saying was factual and he was just waiting for you to get it.

“Aww, what are you saying? That you do see me as your friend?” You held your hands together, and batted your eyelashes, scrunching your nose with a smile.

Bill rolled his eyes, “Unfortunately for you, doll, I’m not your boyfriend.” He diverted his attention to the teenagers talking behind the two of you, a fire lighting up inside his eyes when he settled his vision of fury on Dipper.

“Very funny. What would I know about relationships? Clearly you're the expert– pathetic me would stand no chance in the presence of Bill Cipher.” You spoke sarcastically, whispering the last part, deciding to play along mostly out of curiosity.

I mean, who could really blame you? This dream demon talked so much mad game, it would be next to impossible to not feel even an ounce of intrigue in whether or not he's actually managed to be hooked into the life of another romantically. "So tell me, have you ever been in one?" You asked boldly, gnawing on the inside of your cheek.

Bill looked away, "I don't know what you're referring to."

Your eyebrows furrowed, embarrassment beginning to creep up your neck at the question, "You... you know what I mean. Relationships."

“...I don’t like to engage in human affairs,” he huffed, turning to examine his surroundings. The action was suspiciously avoidant and you crossed your arms and tilted your head, a gleam beginning to show in your eye.

“Wait. So you’ve never-” you caught yourself as the words began to fly off your tongue and into the air.

Bill whipped his head over at you after eavesdropping at the Pines and your brother’s conversation, “What? Whaddaya mean?”

You blinked innocently.

“I mean,” you fiddled with the hem of your coat, regretting indulging into your , “You’ve… you’ve never…?”

If Bill knew what you were hinting at, he definitely didn’t show it. His face showed how perplexed he was and he nudged his head to tell you to continue. Another trap? Probably.

“Out of all the trillions of years you’ve existed, and the billions you’ve had in contact with humans, not one time, as a human… have you ever…” You avoided his gaze.

He squinted.

If he wants to play games, so can you. Ask and see his reaction. Then... gaslight gatekeep girlboss? You weren't sure, you were just curious to see what he would say if you referred to something more. Curiosity, that was it.

“Had contact with a human.”

Bill’s eyes widened, his milky one catching your glance.

Now he was getting it.

“So that’s the human affair you were referring to.”

Your own eyes widened and you frantically waved your hands side to side, partly in an attempt to see his reaction before taking it back like an absolute coward, "No, I just meant the whole relationship part! Not that intimately. Unless you wanna answer- I meant, you’ve never had a significant other before? Not even as a deal?”

Nailed it.

He stared at you as if you were slimy. “As a deal? How desperate do you think I am?”

“Not sure if you want that answered, to be frank,” you stuck your tongue out to the side as he crossed his arms and glared at you.

Bill looked like he was going to retort quickly but B/N’s voice from behind interrupted first, “Guys, I’m taking my leave now!”

Right, you had forgotten that you were conversing outside the Mystery Shack, with a couple of teenagers having their own talk a few metres away from you.

And that brought you to here, at home.

As soon as you arrived home, you dropped your body onto the couch and fell asleep. Bill must've noted this earlier because when he wrapped his arm around you to teleport the two of you home, he murmured something about your obvious eyebags.

You sniffled and didn't reply, slightly ashamed that your disgustingly unstable sleep schedule was beginning to show on your face.

When you awoke however, the last thing you expected to find was a warm thick crochet blanket you kept in the linen laid across your body. Well, across was an overstatement. It looked like someone threw the blanket in your direction and hadn't bothered to straighten it out.

It was as if the intention was there, but the effort wasn't.

You sighed, Bill.

Your toes curled as you stretched your legs and you hazily opened your eyes, blinking to unblur your vision. What you did not expect was Bill's transparent eyeball inches away from your face.

"Y'ellow."

A shrill scream left your throat and you, quite terrified, scurried your body back to lean against the couch arm rest, breathing heavily as Bill only burst into laughter and pointed at you, "You should have seen the look on your face!"

Your hand automatically went over your heart as you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, in some effort to calm down. Smacking your lips together, you clicked your tongue and looked away from him for a second, finding the words to express your annoyance.

Rubbing your eyes harshly, that's when you noticed that it was Bill floating in front of you. Not his human body, but his triangle outlined form - the same way he looked when you first met him.

You raised an eyebrow at him, "Wait, how are you- oh my God." You half screamed as your eyes trailed to the doorway, where Bill's body laid, his eyes hallowed out.

It looked like a legitimate corpse- it's mouth wide open, its soulless and limp display like... well... a puppet. Bill really has outdone himself this time and your top lip wavered, "W-what the hell did you do?!"

Bill's single eye trailed to the stiff and cold body laying on the ground in front of your room.

"Oh, that?" He pointed before flying over to it, attempting to kick it only to have his foot go through it, "Apparently these meat sacks need rest, so I figured if I just leave it for a while, I won't have to actually sleep."

You frowned, pinching the bridge of your nose. Despite his mental age, this had to be one of the stupidest logical fallacies he's ever displayed, "Bill, you still have to sleep in it. If you go back in it later, it's not going to be any less deprived of sleep than it was before. Your soul may not require the sleep, but the body does and it probably needs something to occupy it to really count as 'sleeping.'"

Bill didn't reply, but instead went back into Brendan's body, the hallow eye sockets filling with eyeballs and his skin brightening. He stood up, and dusted himself off. "Happy now?"

"Sure." You replied, letting your back hit the couch and pulling the blanket over your shoulder. "Now go away, I want to sleep some more."

"Aren't you forgetting doll? We have to go shopping for tomorrow's party! Remember the plan?" He squatted himself down in front of your body and lifted a hair strand away from your face, a gesture that made you swat away his hand.

You groaned, "Bill please, we can do that later. Just let me sl...." Your hand waving in his face caused him to gently grab your wrist and set it down, "Doll, I might just have to leave my body again if you don't get up right this second."

You sat up suddenly, "I'd rather die."

"Now that's the spirit!"

"Alright, you seem to know Gravity Falls more than I do. Where to?"

The two of you were stationed in the middle of the Gravity Falls town, with a variety of stores surrounding you. To be quite honest, it looked larger from the inside, especially with the escalators on either side of the mall indicating a second floor.

"Gravity Malls. But that place is disgusting. I don't want any old peasant streetwear. I want to look charming." Bill flashed a cheesy grin and shut his eyes, almost as if to imagine cloudy visions of paparazzi photographing him or something.

"Let me see what I have and what we can afford." You reluctantly pulled out your phone and removed three five dollar notes and a coin from its case pocket. "I have $17- nope, never mind. That is a chocolate coin."

"Think you can cover for me? I'm not very liquid right now." Bill turned his pockets inside out and a white moth flew out of it. That's how poor he was. You raised an eyebrow and blinked at him quizzically.

"What if I conjure something? I mean what good are these powers if I don't put them to use?"

Bill nodded, "As much as I hate to admit it, you are almost as strong as me, but that doesn't mean your fleshy body is." He pokes your side, "Think you're up to it, doll?"

"How hard can it be? It can't be that difficult." You stated, squirming away from his touch and looking up at him with your eyes wide.

"That's both cute and ignorant, sweets."

You laughed, shaking your head, "Well, I'm not even going so it shouldn't be a problem to only focus on your outfit."

Bill stopped and turned to you, grasping your shoulders dramatically, "What! I thought we had a mutual agreement! A deal, even."

You gently removed his hands from your shoulders and stared at him, "Bill... I don't know... I don't think it's a good idea using Old Man McGucket. I've heard he's a little wacko now. I don't doubt he's a nice man but I'm skeptical on how he could be of service to us."

"It's the best chance we've got! You do want this portal completed, don't you?"

"Yeah, but what am I going to say? 'Hey, can you help me assemble a portal leading to another dimension?'" You asked rhetorically in a dumb and mocking voice, Bill rolling your eyes at your lack of confidence in him.

"You need this just as much as I do, you just gotta confide in my ability to sway others. It worked on you, didn't it?"

"You KNOW that's not true. I only agreed because we both mutually benefit from ridding me of your insane powers." You walked ahead of him as the two of you strode through the double doors of Gravity Malls.

"That's how it always starts, doll. That's how it aaaaalways starts." He jogged a little to keep up with you and you only rolled your eyes at his mindless comments.

"Oh you shush," you put your hand on his face and pushed aside, Bill spluttering at your sudden contact to his delicate features, as he would call them.

"Hands off. Besides, I'll do the talking. I just want you to fancy up a little! You're too... high strung."

"So those are your true intentions." You bit your lip, "The whole thing just seems weird to me- it's not really my... scene. Usually it's me, my work and I. What the hell do I know about a masquerade ball? Which is, super old fashioned by the way." Waving your arms about, you ultimately stopped your movement outside of a store called 'Edgy on Purpose' and spun around for his reply.

"Come on, sugar?" He neared you, licking his top lip, "For me?" The new nickname made your eye twitch.

"You just gave me even more of a reason not to do it." Honestly, this whole event seemed really intriguing and maybe a little fun, but with your lack of sociability, you did not want to fumble, especially in front of Bill.

Bill groaned, rubbing his temples indecisively. Wow, he was the fed up one?

"Okay, then please? For you? You gotta live a little, ya know? Otherwise you'll never have those friends you always complain about not existing."

You groaned, eyes shut and in deep thought, crossing your arms and tilting your head to the side.

Maybe there's no harm in it.

"Letting that slide. But... alright. I'll go." Your lips were pulled taut into a straight line, but it was to hide the smile that you knew so well that Bill would eat up. Surprisingly, as soon as you uncrossed your arm, Bill grinned and pulled you into a hug, catching you, (and probably anyone, since its Bill) off guard. You tensed, your arms stiff and set on your sides. Honestly you would've hugged him back if you weren't so dumbfounded.

"You won't regret it." He said, suddenly realising what he was doing and pulling away, patting your back roughly and brushing off his shoulder. Had to be one of the most out of character actions from Bill, so much so that you questioned if maybe someone else had possessed this body for a second. He seemed more indulged in his own reaction to even begin to notice the warm glow emitting from your cheeks, something you slapped yourself in the face lightly for feeling.

"I-I hope so," you mustered weakly.

"Right, so because you're new to this, we should find ourselves a more basic version of our outfits. A base, if you will. Something that just matches the colour."

"Have anything in mind?" You questioned.

Bill tapped his chin in fake thought, "Tell me if you get the picture, doll." He suddenly grabbed the back of your head and pulled it towards his own, your foreheads just barely connecting. He shut his eyes, almost as if he was getting you to read his mind.

On cue, you felt an image manifest itself in your brain and as it grew clearer, you realised what it was. "Woah, that's kind of cool," you breathed, more about the mind connection than anything else.

Yellow, almost a gold shimmering tailcoat, with black sleeves, gloves and tailored pants. That was Bill's idea? Sure.

You cocked your head but didn't say anything particular about it, "Guess we'll need a yellow shirt and black jeans." The two of you walked into Edgy on Purpose and awkwardly went on the look out for what you needed.

After picking the two articles of clothing off of the nearest rack, Bill suddenly spun around, almost causing you to trip over, "What colour dress are you going for, doll?"

Right, you were attending too, you almost forgot. You shrugged, "I don't usually do this so I don't really know where to start. Any pointers?"

Bill scanned the store, eyes squinted before pausing. He walked over to a rack, pulled a summer dress off and held it up for you to see.

"How bout it, doll?" He waved the dress at you and wagged his eyebrows in a silly manner, seemingly proud of the choice he made upon seeing the broad grin forming on your face.

Your fingers rubbed at the end of the dress, feeling for the fabric's quality. "Wait- how did you know F/C was my favourite colour?"

"How did I know that you talk in your sleep?" Bill's own smile disappeared almost as fast as it appeared and he lowered the dress, "Who's Oliver?"

You gaped like a fish, "E-excuse me?"

One hand on his hip showed how much he was demanding an answer for someone who should not be in any place to be asking invasive questions, "You heard me, doll, who is this 'Oliver' character ?"

The phrasing of his question was enough to make you giggled but you relented with the pressing question of: how does he know about your ex?!

"Were you- did you- You watched me sleep!?"

"Yes. Who's Oliver?"

You turned away, both embarrassed and irritated, "No one, just an old flame."

Bill waved his hand up and down, as if to signal you to keep talking. You squinted your eyes, "I heard he lives here now, so I don't know... I was thinking about him for a bit. That's probably why I dreamed about him briefly."

Bill looked at you, very annoyed, "Why didn't you mention it before?"

You swung around, shocked that he would say that. "Why would I? It's not really something I would bring up. To be frank, I didn't think even you cared that much about my personal life unless it benefitted you. Am I wrong?"

Bill frowned, not knowing what to say.

The feeling bubbling up in your chest hurt a little, and you weren't sure if it was the sudden mention of Oliver's name all over again or Bill's reaction that made you feel so sick.

"It's not really an experience I'd like to detail again."

"My mistake, doll."

"Its... whatever, let me pay for these." You snatched the dress from his hand and walked a few metres to the cash register, leaving Bill stunned. He wiggled his fingers as his arm was bent and held close to his torso, unsure of how to approach you next.

You exhaled, passing your clothing items to the cashier. She looked at you slyly, "How long have you two been together?"

Your eyes shot up, clear contempt swirling within them, almost as if to challenge her to continue, "Sorry?"

The guilt would come later for how rude you were being, it just seemed like the world kept throwing hints at you about Bill– and you had no idea how to take it.

The cashier looked taken aback by the emotion in your pupils before she pushed her lips up in the direction of Bill, "Him. That man, you two were arguing about something. You just looked like you were a couple and I was going to offer a piece of advice."

"Urm, what makes you say that?" You asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable as you took out your money from your phone case.

The cashier trained her eyes on him, "The way he looks at you."

You turned around, only to make eye contact with Bill. His pursed lips turned in a smile. You immediately felt bad now for your previous reaction.

"Thanks." You mumbled, taking your bag with newly bought items, walking to Bill and dragging him by the hand.

Bill visibly brightened at this, "Getting touchy already?"

Weird. He said 'hands off' not long ago. I guess he doesn't like anything in his face.

Aaand you're overthinking again.

You shook your head dismissively, pressing your lips together, "No, the cashier was just... being weird." You let go of his hand at the mention of it, and wiped it against your coat.

Bill fake pouted.

"Let's go home. We've got some party outfits to make."

“The answer is yes, doll.”

“Hm?” You tweaked your head to catch Bill laying on the couch, book in hand. No idea where it came from, since it wasn’t yours- but he didn’t seem morally grounded enough to not commit petty theft, so you settled on that.

“You asked me earlier if I’ve had… that human contact.” He gave you a side glance.

Your eyes nearly bulged out of their head, “Oh-! But... but I thought you said you didn’t engage in human affairs. I guess, unless it benefits you?” You sat up from your own seat, shifting to make yourself comfortable for this conversation.

Seated where you were, you had been laying the newly bought clothes on the table and dressing them on a mannequin, with a lot of struggle.

Bill obviously didn't help, so it was mostly silent with the two of you basking in each other's company. That is, until Bill randomly spoke.

“I said I didn’t like to engage, not that I didn’t.” He snapped, shutting his book and mirroring you, staring across the room mindfully.

You watched his jaw clench, “You know, if the topic makes you uncomfortable, we don’t have to-“

“Don’t patronise me.”

You gulped, looking away and tucking your legs beneath your chest. Bill cast a glare towards you before sighing, “It wasn’t part of a deal, like you said. But I had to persuade some people my own way. Sometimes the situation called for it, and a demons’ gotta do what a demons’ gotta do.” You didn’t miss the glimpse he gave you to gauge your response and you tightened your lips.

“Well," you paused, "...It sounds like a very regrettable stage in your life.”

“It was- is. Having to associate with meat sacks in that manner, doll- it was torture. Not in the pleasant kind either. It was…” he wiggled his fingers, staring deeply at them like they held a secret.

“Wait, are we talking about the same thing? How… how far did you go?” The lump in your throat demonstrated how unfamiliar you found discussing a topic you weren't experienced in. Luckily, Bill was on the other spectrum- knowledge truly was a curse at times.

However, it was because you were inexperienced that hearing about a demon's own form of affection appeared so interesting.

“You know… the act where humans press their lips on each other? Just the very thought of it makes me want to flip myself inside out.” He was somewhat like a child- all this intimate conversation disgusted him.

“A kiss?”

“Gah, I know what it is, I’m not 1 billion.”

“Well what else do you want me to call it? Because that’s what it is- it’s kissing. Generally it’s not that unpleasant, so I think you might’ve just been kissing the wrong people.” You crossed your arms, ignoring the nudge in your skull saying, What do you know? You've only kissed like two guys. Not even.

“What? And you know?” He sounded disgusted, and you furrowed your brows, sulking.

“Uh, yeah- I’m human?”

“Right right, sorry doll. I had forgotten you and Oliver probably got it on many times over.” He air quotes you with his fingers, a resentful scowl growing on his face.

The mention of his name again in a private setting versus a public one like the mall made you unbelievably upset, “Hey- don’t… don’t say that.”

“Look what this stupid vessel is doing to me. I’m becoming more human! I'm... feeling... things. It's dreadful." Bill stared at you, like you were the source of his problems, "Doll, all the more reason to hurry this up so we can go our separate ways." He suddenly stood up and began to leave the room, riling up your emotions more, "Hey! Running away never solved anything! It's cowardly!" You bit your lip, regretting that last part.

He stopped walking and eerily turned his head over at you, "Not wanting to engage in pathetic chatter with a proletarian isn't cowardly. It's self preserving."

You stared at him, amazed at his sudden cruelty while he just scoffed and continued to walk away. A sigh escaped your lips. With Bill? It's always 3 steps forward and 10 million microsteps back. He brought up the topic too!!

Progress with Bill was almost impossible, but to say you hadn't seen a change in his behaviour towards you for the past few days, would've been a total lie. Now it looks like that had all unravelled. What had happened? What did you do wrong? Maybe he was right, maybe he was turning more human. You hoped it wasn't something that ignited from you.

Maybe that's why he surprised you when you were napping with his translucent form. He tried to cover up his reasoning with his twisted humour in seeing you frightened at the corpse-like appearance of Brendan laying on the floor, hollow and lifeless.

Bill knew you were going to see it at one point so he might as well have called attention to it himself and explained it.

It meant-

It meant that that little sneak was lying. He didn't leave Brendan's body so he didn't have to sleep in it. He's not stupid- Bill should know that leaving a body doesn't suddenly make it replenish itself.

Suddenly, it occurred to you why.

He left it because he could feel himself becoming more human.

So he was trying to spend some time in his normal default form because he probably felt himself getting carried away with his mind conforming to how a human brain thinks.

To how a human brain feels.

He probably felt scared. Embarrassed, even. He was changing into something he wasn't comfortable with.

Bill was slowly becoming more and more human, and you weren't what you could do about it.

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[p0orbaby]

Wanna request a natasha x adoptive!daughter in which she is just starting primary school or middle school but basically she doesn’t know what a “crush” is yet & when after the first week like 7 girls came up to her & told her they have a crush on her, she finally asks her mom. nat panicks a lil bc she’s like, r is just a child lol. anyway r tells her she didn’t want them to see she doesn’t know what it means so she just told them “okay good for you” lmao which nat finds hilarious! so after she explains, reader doesn’t like it & she’s like, how do i make them stop 😂 after another week she comes home to the compound & tells nat that she wants to be homeschooled bc they won’t stop bothering her trying to hold her hand or something… which the team thinks is way too amusing😃

Stay Innocent For Me

Summary - Girls are crushing on you at school and you’re not a fan of it one bit.

Warnings - none

Authors notes - a small one this week, Christmas is a busy time so sorry if my schedule might be all over the place.

Word count - 0.7k

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“How was school moya lyubov? Was your first day fun?”

“No”

Not the answer Natasha was expecting at all. When you were getting ready this morning you couldn’t stop going on about how excited you were, yet now you’d obviously had a change in tune.

“Why what’s the matter? Did something happen?” Worry now started to creep through Natasha’s body. It took all her strength to keep her eyes on the road and not pull over to question you further.

“Just some girls being annoying”

She was worried about this. She didn’t want you to get made fun of because of her. It wasn’t your fault you were her daughter. The last thing she wanted was you getting bullied.

“Well I hope you told your teacher they were being mean. I can ring to ask for a meeting?”

“No they weren’t mean, just annoying. Saying they had a crush on me or something. Whatever that means”

Oh. This conversation had taken a drastic turn. Natasha didn’t think she’d have to talk to you about this sort of stuff any time soon. But alas, the time may come sooner than anticipated. The thought of her baby having people crush on her was not something she wanted to think about.

“Just ignore them Y/N, they’re just being silly is all. How about we get take out for dinner, to celebrate your first day huh?” She never normally offered fast food on a weekday but she desperately wanted you to forget about this topic for the time being. So when she looked at you through the rear view mirror and saw you now had a smile plastered on your face, she knew she made the right move.

You didn’t mention the girls for a couple of days, so Natasha thought they just got over it and moved on. But when you had a face like thunder the whole way home after picking you up on Friday, she suspected the issue hadn’t sorted itself.

“I can’t go back there, I can’t do it” you exclaimed when you stomped through the compound.

“Can’t do what?” Asked Steve from where he stood making food in the kitchen.

“She doesn’t want to go to school,” your mum answered for you.

“Well school is good, you have to go so you can learn things”

“The only thing I’m learning is that girls are annoying”

“But you’re also a girl, so you find yourself annoying?” Steve was blatantly confused with your comment. “Nat, care to explain what’s going on?”

“She’s got a girl crushing on her and she doesn’t like it”

“Not a girl, seven girls! Seven different people keep trying to hold my hand and I hate it, why are they doing that?”

“SEVEN? It was only one on the first day, why haven’t you told me about this?”

“I dunno. I told you I don’t know what it even is. They said they had a crush on me so I said ‘okay, good for you’ and walked off. It was weird. I’m not going back”

Natasha couldn’t help but laugh. This situation had gotten so bizarre she couldn’t even be upset that her little girl was growing up.

“Dorogoy, these girls, they want you to ask the them out”

“Ask them out where? We were already outside when they told me. We were on break!”

“They want to date you”

The sudden realisation made your eyes go wide.

“Like be my girlfriend? EW I don’t want a girlfriend yet, mum, don't make me!”

“It’s cute you have girls wanting to date you. You can take them to movies and to dinner” Steve piped up again, earning him a glare from you.

“CanI be homeschooled? Please, I’m begging!”

“No you can’t be homeschooled. But I will ring your teacher and see what I can do about them leaving you alone if that’s what you want?”

“Please, anything!”

All Natasha could do was chuckle as she walked out of the kitchen to make the phone call. In reality, she was glad at your current disgust in relationships. It was only a matter of time until you would want to start dating. Nevertheless, she was happy she got to keep her baby girl all to herself for now.

Taglist

@jromanoff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @diaryoflife @xxromanoffxx @strangegardentaco

[teklarn]

hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!! 

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst. 

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk 

word count: 3,859 

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !) 

- - - 

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally. 

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’? 

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day. 

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders. 

his leg was bouncing eagerly. 

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else. 

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn... 

“y/n! come look at this!” 

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over. 

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone. 

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku? 

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!” 

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you. 

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?” 

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look. 

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?” 

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.” 

“holy—” 

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking. 

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article. 

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!” 

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?” 

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped. 

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them. 

his eyes bore into yours. 

“did you...need something?” 

your voice broke his trance. 

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.” 

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?” 

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?” 

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me. 

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting. 

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was. 

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.) 

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up. 

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.” 

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother. 

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you. 

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped. 

“shitty hair, let go of me.” 

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?” 

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato. 

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped. 

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries. 

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together. 

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms. 

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh. 

- 

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.” 

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.” 

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.” 

denki sighed, slumping back. 

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds. 

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head. 

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.” 

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned. 

the brunette grinned. “great!” 

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name. 

“bakugou.” 

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find... 

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground. 

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent. 

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called. 

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure. 

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him. 

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks. 

you laughed. “what?” 

“shut up.” 

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.” 

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?” 

so you had heard him! 

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.” 

“i wouldn’t dream of it.” 

gosh he loved that about you. 

bakugou caught his thought in the air. 

ahem...gosh he hated that about you. 

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first. 

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it. 

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache. 

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.  

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body. 

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back. 

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t. 

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either. 

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky. 

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out. 

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent. 

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so... 

you stood over him, hands on your hips. 

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile. 

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain. 

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels. 

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.” 

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back. 

- 

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on. 

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room? 

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard. 

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.” 

you barely grunted in response. 

“don’t ignore me.” 

“i heard you, mom.” 

“the hell did you call me?” 

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive. 

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back. 

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened. 

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you. 

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.” 

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?” 

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—” 

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving. 

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly. 

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?” 

“you’re annoying.” 

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it. 

- 

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body. 

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds. 

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you. 

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason. 

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion. 

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions. 

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes. 

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen. 

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back. 

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face. 

“fight me again,” he demanded. 

“excuse me?” 

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” 

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.” 

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.” 

“you’re being stubborn.” 

“i’m being reasonable. back off.” 

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou. 

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.” 

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?” 

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away. 

-

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself. 

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?” 

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.” 

“dude...that sounds really weird.” 

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.” 

- 

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again. 

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong. 

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great? 

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear. 

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right? 

what was so...amazing about deku? 

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these. 

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent. 

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you. 

you were the only person to be able to do this to him. 

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head. 

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.” 

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga. 

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.) 

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?” 

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not. 

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here. 

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.” 

“okay? is that it?” 

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him? 

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”  

“...what?” 

gosh dammit, as friends? 

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side. 

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor. 

this earned a snicker from you. 

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.” 

your eyes flew wide. “...what?” 

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.” 

he swallowed. 

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.” 

he leaned closer. “yes?” 

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.” 

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal. 

“oh, alright.” 

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode. 

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything. 

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right? 

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you. 

[gingerale2017]

“Now, Kiss!”

Based on this hc I made earlier :)

3474 words

Fandom: The Lunar Chronicles

Pairing: Kai x Cinder

Fluff

Description:

Kai knew that the annoyance was part of having a sibling, but he hated it all the same. Nainsi would tease him about everything and when she figured out his crush on Cinder Linh, it only got worse. When Cinder calls Kai on the day that Nainsi brings some friends, she suspects that something might be cooking in the pot. Is she right, or are they friends for another agonizing day?

(Also I decided to name her Nainsi bc I’m too tired to brainstorm anything else I like it)

“WAKE UP KAI!” was the first thing Kai heard after being unfortunately interrupted by a sweet dream involving a certain someone. He was awake now, with a 100-pound pillow being tossed onto his head. Groaning, he flipped to his other side, squeezing his eyes shut as if that would make the tiny monster go away.

“KAI WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!” Nainsi yelled. She threw another pillow at him and when he didn’t show any signs of stopping, she yanked the cover out. Thank the stars for sheets.

“Stars, what time is it?” Kai managed to ask. Knowing his family it was probably five in the morning.

“Seven-thirty, ” he groaned again. It was way too early to get out of bed. Plus, the school didn’t start until eight-thirty so they were very much not late. He tucked his head in the pillow and wished for his sister to magically vanish away into whatever drama she obsessed with now.

“KAI! GET OUT THE BED RIGHT NOW!” Kai turned his head to glare at her. She glared right back.

“You know Cinder gets up super early for whatever reason. That’s something you two can get along with, ” instead of rolling her eyes like she usually did when Kai talked about Cinder, Nainsi's lips formed into a coy smile.

He cursed.

She somehow smiled even further and cocked her head, “Got any plans with her tonight?”

He could feel his ears turn red, and he tried to kill her on the spot with his eyes. His little sister took the smart choice and sprinted out of his room with Kai on her heels.

She screamed as he followed her down the stairs into the kitchen, seeking refuge next to their father’s chair. Kai could tell he was annoyed by the posture he was in and the way he took another sip of his coffee.

Nainsi shot Kai a smug smile that he wished to wipe off her face, “are you gonna wear pajamas to school, Kaito?”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Ah, yes, but then you’ll spend the rest of your life in jail and will never see your precious Cinder again.”

He glared at her once more and left to go change. When he came back, the aroma of fried eggs was so strong that it filled the whole house.

His father was humming a tune while seasoning the eggs with pepper, now in a less annoyed mood. There were two plates on the kitchen counter already equipped with breakfast. Nainsi rebelliously made cereal instead of eating eggs. Kai, on the other hand, was grateful for the free breakfast.

He sat grabbed a ate and sat at the barstool, preparing to dig into his meal. Dad wanted to make small talk instead, “Good morning, son, and you're welcome for the delicious breakfast that I so graciously made for my marvelous kids.”

“Good morning, father, and us marvelous kids are so grateful for this delicious meal that makes caught us by surprise. But unfortunately, one of your children prefers Lucky Charms to you’re amazing breakfast, ” Kai responded after swallowing his first bite of eggs.

Nainsi looked up from her cereal, “that’s because I don’t like eggs, they’re disgusting.”

“You don’t like anything, ” she stuck her tongue out. Kai picked up his plate and placed it in the sink. Unsurprisingly, he was still hungry, so he went to see what was in the fridge.

“Kai, why don’t you ever want up early?” his father asked.

“Um, because-”

“Because he’s up all night thinking about making out with Cinder in the back of her BMW, ” the little monster interrupted before he could continue. He grabbed a tomato and slammed the fridge shut.

He then threw the tomato at her, “two strikes, Nainsi.”

She dodged the tomato and looked back at Kai with big round eyes.

“Hey, it's too early to fight with your sister just yet, ” interjected his father, “also, if you couldn’t tell, your mother is working double shifts at the hospital today so she wouldn’t be coming back tonight and I have a business trip. I know you have some friends coming over today, Nainsi, so behave better than usual. Both of you.”

“What friends are coming over, Nainsi?” Kai mused, an idea forming in his head.

“Just Geovanna and Emily. Possibly Ben but he hasn’t confirmed yet,” she answered, “why?”

“Just wondering. Anyways, we gotta go now,” Kai pulled on his sweatshirt from the laundry and headed towards the front, “bye dad.”

He nodded at Kai, currently preoccupied with his second mug of coffee while Nainsi rushed to follow Kai.

It was freezing out, as it usually was during winter in Maryland, but today was unusually cold. He turned on the car while Nainsi hopped in the passenger seat.

“Are we gonna go or what?” she barked.

“In a minute. Let me close my eyes for a bit.”

“You always do that, you lazy bum.”

“Your insults are getting drier and drier Nainsi.”

“Just go, ” this time she hit his forearm with her binder from nowhere. Repeatedly.

“Okay, stop hitting me. Ow.”

They drove off towards the school. Although Nainsi lived to tease Kai, they got along pretty well. They talked about this new show and had similar opinions on it during the short car ride. Once they were at Nainsi’s school and she was gone, then he could start playing the radio.

He bid his goodbye’s and see you later’s and now was off to his school.

᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽

Kai was unsurprisingly drained during the last period of the day. He fiddled with the corner of his notes to keep himself awake for at least ten more minutes. When he felt himself starting to doze off, he began to replay the day so far.

When he got to school, Cinder was marked absent which made his day worse. He always looked forward to hearing her sarcastic remarks or her smiling at one of his witty jokes.

Anyways, she was gone and he was sad, but Cress wasn’t. She happily explained to Kai that she and Thorne were going on a date Sunday. He was happy for her, truly, but all he could think about was how he can unsuccessfully tell his feeling to Cinder.

Not telling her felt like he was forgetting something important every day, except he was not forgetting. He knew exactly what he was doing and it killed him, but he also didn’t want to ruin the good that they have now. Then Kai would think about how it would be better and his thought would circle around and around.

After meeting up with Cress, they endured through the first two periods they shared, Scarlet and Thorne joining during the second. Although he had plenty of friends to talk to and enjoy, he couldn't help missing Cinder.

She's gone for one day and you feel like this? he thought, get a break. The little voice inside Kai's head was right.

Then the last bell rang, startling him. He stood up and began to pack his things. Then he fast-walked out and left.

"Kai!" he heard someone call.

Iko and Cress gestured at Kai to come to their lockers. He obliged.

"Look, Winter's birthday is in a couple of weeks, during the break. We want to throw a party because it's her sweet sixteen! We already have all the decorations ready, I know it's early, but long story short, can we throw it at your place?" his blue-haired friend asked as innocently as possible. Although she had to change her posture, tone, and expression to look innocent, Cress had that personality as her default.

"Please, Kai?” Cress pleaded and she knew what she was doing. It was always impossible to say no to her without feeling guilty. Or maybe it was just Kai who hated saying no.

“Of course! My parents are going to their parents during that week, so I’ll just ask to stay behind.”

“Yay! Thank you so much!” Iko hugged him tightly, “also not a word to Winger. It’s going to be a surprise.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yep. I got to go to my job interview, remember what I was telling you about. Ah, the chance to work a boutique, what a dream,” and with that, his friend walked away.

“Hey Cress, did you hear anything about Cinder, ” he pressed.

She nodded, “Adri was mad at her again so she’s stuck at the garage, ” the blonde began to nibble in her fingernails. Noticing the bad habit, she brought he hand down.

“Oh, ” he hated Cinder’s stepmother, he truly did. And it killed him he couldn’t do anything about it.

They walked silently down the hall. Girls batted their lashes and some greeted him but he ignored it as usual.

“Do you think Adri would let Cinder free tonight?” he asked, now in the parking lot of the school.

“If you’re the one taking her anywhere then, of course, Adri would.”

Cress, Cinder, and Winter all skipped one grade. Cinder and Winter skilled first, and Cress skipped seventh. Cress was the smartest of them all, granted, and they don’t have a driver's license. So Cress got a ride with her older brother Jacin, and so did Winter (Jacin’s girlfriend). Cinder usually rode with Thorne, but on the good days, she rides with Kai.

They reached Kai’s car which was near Jacin’s car and being the super over-protective brother he was, he glared Kai down. Kai found this confusing because his feelings for Cinder were quite obvious, but then he saw Thorne parked next to Kai.

Thorne was currently ‘interested’ in Cress which made her a flustered mess.

Cress walked quickly to Jacin’s car and hopped in the back. Kai called goodbye and started his car. Then there was a rap on his window.

“What?” he asked Thorne, “I got to pick up my sister.”

“What flowers does Cress like?” he lifted an eyebrow at his friend, “not like that,” what Thorne did not know was that Cress told Kai everything about their date. Perhaps Thorne wants to keep it secret until then.

“Uh-huh.”

“Just answer the question!”

He shifted in his seat, “I dunno. Ask Jacin.”

“Great advice,” Thorne deadpanned.

“Get her roses. Those are super romantic and she’s all about the romantic gestures.”

“Nah, too cheesy. Pretend it's Cinder, what would she like?”

“Cinder doesn’t like flowers. Wrenches, however, are much appreciated.”

“I think I’ll just get roses.”

“Yeah, now move, my sister is waiting for me, ” Kai rolled up the windows and drove out.

Time passed very quickly and the next thing he knew, Nainsi was climbing in the passenger seat with her three friends in the back seat.

“I thought it was only two people, ” he whispered harshly.

She shrugged, “Ben decided to come.”

“What are you gonna feed them.”

“Pizza.”

“Who’s money?”

“Yours,” he shoved Nainsi but she shoved back.

“Fine but you owe me.”

“We’ll see, ” she turned in the seat to talk with her friends.

᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽᯽

Once everyone was settled inside and pizza was ordered he began to brainstorm ways Kai could punish Nainsi for this morning.

Then, like a light bulb, a perfect idea formed into his head. He walked into the laundry room where a basket filled with his clothes was waiting for him.

He pulled off his shirt, grabbed the basket, and headed into the living room. His sister was watching a realistic drama with her friends, although Kai wasn’t sure the drama wasn’t ‘realistic’ at all.

This plan happened before on accident with the same friends and they just stared at him while Nainsi shooed him out. Little did he know that her friends would just start talking about him and his looks. When Nainsi told him this, he groaned and whined about how he got enough of this from school. So when Nainsi had people over, Kai would camp in his room to avoid the awkwardness.

Now, he knows how her friends would react. And how she would react.

But before he could do anything, the phone in his pocket vibrated, making him turn a one-eighty back into the laundry.

It was actually Cinder calling and he answered quickly, “hello?”

“Uh, Kai?”

“Yes?”

“Can you do me a favor? Please?” it sounded like she was outside where it was currently raining.

“Yes, of course, what do you need?”

“I need a ride. I’m stuck here in the rain, by myself. Also, this is going to sound weird but, can I also stay with you for an hour and a half?” she defeated like she lost an argument.

“I can pick you up and you can stay with me. Nainsi has some friends over but it should be fine, ” Kai wondered if he sounded too cheery.

“Ok, thanks. I’m at the gas station outside your neighborhood, by the way.”

“Great, see you in a few minutes. Bye.”

“Bye, ” she hung up.

Kai hurried to put on a shirt and grab two rain jackets from the close, just in case Cinder needed one. Then he walked into the living room and out the front door, only to come back in. He forgot to tell Nainsi where he was going.

“Hey Nainsi, I got to pick up someone. I’ll be back soon though, ” she nodded, mouth full of pizza crust, “uh, don’t open the door to strangers. Bye.”

This time he didn’t go back inside after he left. He drove out of the neighborhood, slowly because it was pouring buckets and he could barely see three feet in front of him. After an eternity, Kai finally reached the gas station and parked under the large roof.

He didn’t even see Cinder come in, only heard her, sacring him witless. She smiled apologetically while tossing a white plastic bag onto her lap. It was full of snacks.

“Thanks for coming to get me, I owe you one now, ” she said, handing him one of the bags of chips.

“Of course, Cinder, I would do anything for you, ” the corner of her lip curved upwards as Kai’s cheeks heated, “that came out wrong. I meant that you’re my friend and such. Like the good moral movies where like the one friend reminds the other what friendship is truly about?”

Cinder snorted, “Like My Little Pony?”

“Isn’t that a TV show?”

“Same thing.”

“Is not.”

“Whatever, I know what you meant. Peony had made me watch enough TV shows and movies to last a lifetime.”

“Okay then, ” the rain seemed to finally thin during their conversation making it much more comfortable conditions for Kai to drive in.

Cinder had a habit of talking with her mouth full and the ‘good manners kid’ inside of him cringed. He hoped he hid it well.

Anyways Cinder explained why she was soaking wet at a gas station abandoned with snacks. She was bored and hungry and wanted something to do. So she walked to the gas station, alone, for snacks and a good walk.

Kai raised an eyebrow at that, “you live far away from me, how and why did you walk miles just for a bag of junk food?”

“People can do miraculous things when they are bored, Kai.”

“Yes, and penguins can fly if they really set their minds to it.”

“They are a bird so, hey, nothing’s impossible.”

“Who drove you?”

Cinder shoved a chip in her mouth, “Pearl,” she admitted reluctantly.

“What?”

“I skipped lunch and she knew I was hungry so she drove me here and left me while I was getting snacks. She also called me and said that it was a prank she couldn’t resist.”

“Oh, ” Kai said as they were pulling in his driveway. It was drizzling now so there was no need for the rain jackets.

“I’m also supposed to be at the garage until later so that's why I have to stay that long. If I come back early, Adri would get mad, and I don’t feel like getting yelled at today.”

“Ok,” he said as he walked out of the car.

He opened the door for Cinder and followed her inside. Nainsi and her friends did not move from before he left, but they switched shows. His little sister locked eyes with Cinder, immediately getting up.

“Hey Cinder. I did not know you two were hanging out today?” She said conspiratorially.

Cinder nodded, “yeah it was kind of sudden. Also, Peony is not with me, sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’m going back to my friends now. So you guys can ‘hang out’” Nainsi emphasized the last part then ran off to her friends.

“So, um, what do you want to do for an hour and a half?” he asked.

Cinder turned to him, “I don’t know, what do you want to do.”

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s just go to your room then.”

“Good idea, ” Cinder has been to his house enough to know the layout. He followed her to his room where she fell on the bed.

“Working under cars all day isn't good for the back you know, ” she explained, muffled by a pillow.

“I would expect so because your posture is not up to standards.”

She snorted, “I guess that’s true, ” Cinder sat up and leaned on the headboards, “sorry for taking up your space. And for calling you. Stars, this was a bad idea, you already have people here. I’m like an intruder-”

“Why are you apologizing so much? I don’t care if you light my room on fire, ” Kai accused. It was true, ever since he met her, she would apologize for every single tiny thing, as if every single wrong thing she did was unacceptable. He moved towards her to place a hand on hers, “it’s okay, Cinder. And calling me was a good idea because you saved me from the little demons.”

Cinder let out a genuine laugh that ended with a genuine smile. A smile that never ceased to make his heart twitch. He bashfully realized that he was still holding her hand.

Kai let go but she only grabbed his hand back. He watched her intertwine their fingers, trying to ignore the strong pounding of his heart. He dared to look up and realized that Cinder was staring at him.

He looked into her chocolate eyes that seemed to shine with stars. He wanted to dive into that sea of brown and lie there for eternity. As long she was there.

“Now kiss!” cried a shrill voice. Kai jumped away from Cinder, noticing that she copied his actions.

“Aw, come on just kiss already, the tension was so thick, ” said... Peony?

Cinder’s eyes widened, “Peony, what- how did- why are you here?”

“Well first, I was invited to the sleepover but I had volleyball practice so I had to come late. I just got here. And second, I saw Nainsi sneaking up here so I followed, and oh my stars, we ruined the money, didn’t we?” Peony looked at Nainsi.

“We did. Sorry guys, we’ll go now.”

“Yes, now you can kiss in peace, ” the girls left, leaving Kai very flustered. He glanced at Cinder and saw that her cheeks were also tinted pink.

“So, do you want something to eat, ” he asked finally. He could not bear the silence anymore.

“Yes, ” she nodded, although they already are in the car.

They got up to leave but before he could open the door, Cinder grabbed his wrist and pulls him down. The next thing he knew they were kissing. It was quick and soft and amazing. It felt like everything suddenly clicked and the world was righted. Like the stars finally aligned.

She pulled away and Kai could feel the heat in his ears. His heart was beating so loud that he was sure Cinder could hear it as well.

“Let’s go get some food, ” she breathed and opened the door. She was still holding his wrist, he realized. He intertwined their hands like before, but this time it felt more meaningful. It was like their hands now signified that they were more than friends. That they loved each other, even if they hadn't admitted it yet. But he could feel it and was sure that she could too.

They entered the kitchen and Cinder began to talk about food options but all he could think about was the kiss. He wanted to kiss her again. And to hold her.

Someone cleared their throat behind them, making them turn around. Nainsi, Peony, Emily, Geovanna, and Ben all stood with knowing faces. Nainsi smirked, “finally.”

Peony looked like she was about to explode with happiness, “I already told Iko. She’s ecstatic.”

Neither Kai nor Cinder said anything. Nainsi probably knew because of the looks on their red faces and told Peony. Then Peony told Iko and Iko probably told everyone in their friend group.

So now everyone knows.

“Just to be sure, you guys did kiss, right?” asked Emily.

Slowly, Cinder nodded. Kai opted to stare at his feet. Peony whooped, Nainsi squealed, Cinder blushed, and Kai groaned.

“Ok now we will leave you alone, for real, ” Nainsi promised, dragging her friends away.

“Why are there so many people here?” Kai murmured then turned to Cinder. She leaned on his shoulder. They were still holding each other's hand, “I really want to kiss you again, by the way.”

“Me too.”

“Okay then, ” he cupped her cheek with his free hand and kissed her. Cinder squeezed his hand affectionately. He once again felt like everything was where it was supposed to be, where he was supposed to be, and that was with Cinder.

Tagging: @just2bubbly @winterrhayle @jacihayle @shelbylmkaider @cerenoya @a-salting-the-world @ladyvesuvia @not-the-founder-of-rome @greenalmond @zephyr-thedragon @cinderswrench @cindersassasin @strawberry-seraph (these are just one-shot tags so please tell me if you want to be added or remove for these types of fics <3)

[esdaleo]

𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 with asahi azumane

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - headcanons about asahi! 

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - none. this is just. fluff.

𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲 - tooth-rotting fluff bc i am in love with this man. asahi azumane x gn!reader

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀 - you heard it here folks in im love with asahi. i spend every second coming up w headcanons for him so i decided: why not dump it all onto a soft, fluffy post? also ik this isnt the first time someone has posted something along these lines im not saying im original thanks okay byeee

☆ asahi is one of the softest people to live with, this is no surprise. he wakes you up with a cup of your favourite hot drink, whether it be tea, coffee or hot chocolate. he often prepares it before he leaves for his daily morning run.

☆ steal his clothes all you want, he loves it. when he first sees you wearing one of his shirts, he’s a blushing mess and he can’t form words for the first five or so minutes. you think that you’ve killed him.

☆ if his s/o is accident prone, he would basically baby proof the place. anytime he heard a crash or a thump, he’d come running to ensure that you’re okay. 

☆ sometimes it’s the other way around. because he’s so big, sometimes he doesn’t really watch where his limbs are going so he bumps into a table or maybe into the corner of a shelf. 

☆ he likes watermelon gum and breath mints, so there’s always a stash of it on his bedside table.

☆ he owns several stuffed animals and keeps them on a shelf in his room, i don’t make the rules here. he has a few that are his favourites, like an oversized teddy bear that he used to hug to sleep everynight.

☆ if his s/o just so happened to have longer hair, he’d love to braid it. despite his big and wide hands, he has a way with hair. his older sister taught him how to braid it, most likely.

☆ the biggest cuddler. ever. the big spoon and the little spoon always changes, even if you’re a lot smaller than him. sometimes, he just wants to be held and let the world around him melt away.

☆ if you’re comfotable with it, he would absolutely LOVE giving you back hugs at unexpected times. he’d be very nervous the first time around, his arms hovering beside you until you leaned back and bumped into his chest as a way to say “it’s okay, you can hug me.”

☆ he likes running errands for you, even if you don’t want him to. his love language is acts of service, so doing things for you is just second nature.

☆ when he’s designing, cleaning, basically going around everyday life, he hums to himself. whether it’s a random tune that he heard on the radio or a nostalgic song that was once sung to him, more often than not you’ll hear him quietly humming to himself. 

☆ he always tries to postpone you leaving. he’ll pout at you, “forget” things to get you to look for them, all those things. in reality, he’s just doesn’t want you to go.

☆ patience is key with this man. sometimes, he gets very nervous about things and just needs reassurance. if you give him that, he’ll be by your side forever. just be his little cheerleader. please.

☆ he loves animals. he probably asks you about getting one from time to time and will get so excited if you even debate it. he might seem shy, but he’s easily exciteable, especially when it comes to animals.

☆ he also likes plants. he’ll take care of them like they’re his biological child. he’ll say good morning to them, give them names, water them, all of those things. 

☆ as he becomes more comfortable around you, the two of you start having late night conversations.

☆ they can be complete nonsense or they can be about your insecurities, life struggles and more. he always likes it when you have deep conversations, he thinks they’re very heartfelt and that it helps to build your relationship.

☆ after a rough day, he’d want nothing more than to just lay on your lap, stomach or shoulder and listen to you talk about your own day. 

☆ he always, and i mean always, asks you beforehand when he invites friends over. these friends are mainly the karasuno team, which is notorious for getting loud. though, more often than not, he only has noya, daichi and sugawara at home because the whole team would be far too many.

☆ if you have an interest, he would let you sit and talk about it and he would listen for as long as you wanted. he enjoys seeing how happy said interest makes you, so he guesses that letting you talk about it might make you even happier.

☆ his number one goal is to make sure that you’re happy, coming off that last point. if the two of you have been apart for more than three hours, he sends you a message reminding you that he loves you and that he misses you. a lot.

☆ goodnight and good morning messages from him are a MUST. whether it’s a small “good morning! <3″ or a lengthy “goodnight ( preferred nickname ), i’ll see you when you wake up. i love you and you look very cute while you’re resting,  hehe, (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡”

☆ his favourite nicknames consist of food based ones like honey, pudding and pumpkin. also prince. it makes him feel nice and fancy. 

[bigpeepee]

@pointlessnachos it's been like a week but i finally got around to do this fdjfshfhsd

Nickname: my only nickname is the shortened version of my name, but I don't wanna say what it is because I love seeing non-italian people here shorten it in different ways fhkshdjd

Zodiac: leo

Height: 158cm / 5'2"

Last movie I saw: I rewatched shanghai knights earlier

Last thing I Googled: "158 cm in feet" lmao I always forget if it's 5'1 or 5'2

Favorite Musicians: all time favourite?? how do you pick just one? uhhhhh hozier?

Song stuck in my head: more than a friend (idk who the singer is, but I have that song in a playlist for when I'm feeling extra gay and it gets stuck in my head every single time)

Other blogs: only empty blogs to save urls. I had a sideblog for ed recovery and one for music at some point but they both didn't last long. can't be arsed to run more than one blog, my special interests change every few months/years, I'm not gonna make a blog for each one

Blogs following: 264. half of them are probably inactive tho, I just don't want to unfollow in case they come back bc they're either old mutuals or blogs I used to like

Amount of sleep: not enough to function, but that's what caffeine is for

Lucky number: 3? I don't think it's lucky, it's just my favourite number because it's my birthday and also a prime number

What I’m wearing: currently in my underwear, procrastinating getting dressed to go out

Dream job: singer-songwriter

Dream trip: I've been twice already but I always want to go back to London. also other parts of the UK and Ireland. and canada, but I wanna wholeass move there, not just a trip

Languages: Italian and english. I did also study Spanish and I can probably still understand it but I'm definitely not fluent anymore

Favorite food: pizza and ice cream

Play an instrument: not super well but the piano a bit

Favorite song: again, all time favourite?? idk maybe bohemian rhapsody or stairway to heaven

Random Fact: i've been on a talent show on national tv last year

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: a gothic cathedral with stone walls, a single stained glass window and a pipe organ that desperately needs to be tuned; the rain falling as you lay on the grass, soaking your clothes and reminding you that you're alive; a cup of tea made for you just how you like it, to say "I love you" when the words won't come out

[ethvn-torchio]

Walls Could Talk | Chapter Two

a/n: sorry this chapter took so long! writer’s block is a bitch 😩✌

Summary: Steve and Peggy's search brings them to Paris - where they happen to meet up with an old friend.

Warnings: an intense makeout session/implied sexual content (it’s not smut, i haven’t decided if I’m putting actual smut in this fic)

Wordcount: 1.5k (unedited, also I'm sorry it's so short 🙃)

AO3 | prev chapter | next chapter (coming soon!)

ᴏᴄᴛ 𝟸𝟿, 𝟷𝟿𝟺𝟿

ᴏxғᴏʀᴅ, ᴇɴɢʟᴀɴᴅ

Steve wakes up in a cold sweat, bolting upright in bed. Was he still dreaming? Was this...was this real?

He gazes at Peggy - to make sure she was there, that all of this wasn't a mere fantasy, who begins to stir.

So, not a dream then, at least. His heart is racing, his mind buzzing and yet still confused and his breathing erratic. She's speaking to him, saying something, and he isn't quite listening, his heart thundering his ears. Adrenaline surges through his veins.

“I’m...I’m sorry, Peg. I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he whispers. His pulse was still racing.

Lightning illuminates the room for a split second and he can see the sympathy in her eyes.

"It's quite alright, Darling. Will you tell me what's wrong?" She asks, trailing her fingers through his hair.

"I...I don't- I don't remember much," he admits. "It was just...some stuff from the past...or, future..." he could almost laugh at that if he was in a better mood.

She nods sympathetically. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He drinks in her appearance, nodding slightly. He presses his lips against hers softly.

He kisses her, gently and imploringly at first.

His one hand softly trails down her back, and he notices her sharp intake of breath when his hand ghosts over her lower back.

"This hurt?" he asks.

She nods stiffly. "I do believe I forgot to tell you with everything that happened tonight. I had a bit of a scuffle in the restroom with a Hydra agent. She slammed me against the sink," Peggy explains.

An idea forms in Steve's head; a single minded goal to make her forget.

He would make the only thing on her mind be him.

Wordlessly, he smiles and dips his head towards her neck, brushing his lips against it. His teeth graze against a sensitive spot on her neck and she makes a soft "Oh,"

His hands go to rest against either of her thighs. He pulls back, pupils blown.

“Steve,” she whispers. She lifts her hips in a silent invitation.

He leans down to kiss her, his lips against hers, and she's already breathless. He doesn't want to rush things, but he can't resist her.

Her hand slides down his back, and she lets out a soft moan against his mouth. His hands trail up her shirt, he can feel the goosebumps on her skin. He kisses her neck, and she can feel his hot breath against her skin.

"God, you're so beautiful. I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," she replies.

He pulls her in for a desperate kiss once again, pulling her close.

—

The rain came and went, and with it sunshine followed.

“Peggy. Peggy, wake up,” is the first thing Peggy is greeted with in the morning.

Peggy groans, rolling over in an effort to ignore him. “No, not now,” she mutters, burying her face in the pillow.

Peggy feels weight on the bed as Steve sits down next to her. She tries in vain to ignore him.

"Oh, c'mon now, Peg. It's a new day, it's time to get up," he says.

“You are far too cheerful considering how early it is,” Peggy complains, shielding her eyes from the light pouring in from the blinds.

“...Peggy, it’s eleven in the morning.”

Peggy groans, glancing at the clock as if to make sure he’s right. “Point withstanding, you’re still too cheerful.”

“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Steve teases, narrowly missing a pillow flung haphazardly at him.

“Do shut up, Steve.”

He snickers.

Peggy yawns, stretching her sleep-infused joints. "Where are we going, again?"

"Word is our target's in Paris,” Steve replies. “Or at the very least, someone important is.”

Peggy hums, sitting up. The blanket wrapped around her falls off, revealing her bruised back.

"Jesus, Peg. Have you seen your back? That looks like it hurts," Steve notes.

"Yes, thank you for that insightful observation."

"I just mean- do you want ice or something?"

Peggy shrugs nonchalantly. "It doesn’t quite hurt. I can deal with it, I’ve faced worse."

“To be fair, you are the woman who fell asleep standing up in a trench.”

“Exactly,” Peggy winks. She stands up, beginning to sift through her suitcase. “So tell me, Steve. When’s our train leaving?”

—

ᴘᴀʀɪs, ғʀᴀɴᴄᴇ

A few hours later, they arrive at their dingy, rundown hotel just outside of Paris. The lobby smells like bleach and old carpet, and a radio plays a somber, mellow jazz tune.

Peggy clears her throat, waiting for the receptionist to acknowledge them.

The receptionist does not, however, care to notice.

“Can we have a room, please?” Peggy asks the woman at the front desk.

The woman hardly looks up from her magazine. “Name?”

“Carver,” Peggy answers automatically before Steve can.

The receptionist takes a long, seemingly never ending sip of her tea. Finally, she says. “Take the elevator to the third room, first one on the left. Here’s your key,” the woman says, sounding as disinterested as she possibly can. “Enjoy your stay,” she adds dryly.

Peggy eyes her warily. There was something a bit...off, about that woman.

Perhaps it was just her imagination.

They make their way to the elevator, and Steve finally breaks the silence. “So...is it just me or was there something weird about her? I mean, she could’ve just been a disgruntled employee, but…” he trails off, scratching the back of his neck.

Peggy hums. “No, I happen to agree. Though, perhaps we were just inconveniencing her by making her do her job.”

The smile fades from her face. “Stop,” Peggy whispers. She tilts her head toward the door, which was ajar. She clutches her gun in her purse.

Steve snorts. “Maybe,”

She laughs right along with him, but she pauses abruptly outside their door.

It could be the maid...but they haven’t even gotten into the room once.

Silently, the two stalk toward the door. The smell of smoke escapes from the room when Steve nudges the door open.

Which, in both of their experiences, usually did not happen to be a good thing.

In the chair in the corner, there sat...

Howard Stark.

A collective groan escapes the couple.

“Howard, must you break into our hotel room?” Peggy scolds, turning on the light.

“We thought you were an intruder.” Steve adds.

Howard smirks, taking a long drag of his cigar. “Technically, I am. But don’t you kids worry - I bring a peace offering. By peace offering, I mean I’m inviting you to stay in my Paris apartment instead of this dump,” Howard gestures loosely. “I mean, I don’t think this building even has heat.”

Steve shrugs. “Wouldn’t it be better to stay somewhere inconspicuous?”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Peggy agrees, her arms crossed.

Howard sniffs. “Okay, fine, don’t accept my extremely generous offer to let you stay at my apartment. I know when I’m not wanted. Just know I’ll remember that in the summer when you want to come over because I have air conditioning and you don’t.”

Peggy rolls her eyes. “Quit the melodramatics, Howard. We’ll stay with you,”

Steve wraps an arm around her. “Yeah, we- wait, we will?”

“...What? This building doesn’t have heat, and quite frankly I enjoy summer visits to Howard’s house.”

“Attagirl, Peg.” Howard beams. “I’ll meet you two in the lobby,”

—

Later, the trio eats lunch at Howard’s apartment.

"-you are not funny, Howard." Peggy informs him, pointing at him with her fork. "You could've at least feigned innocence."

"Innocent? If you looked up "innocent' in the dictionary, you'd see my picture on it," Howard says defensively.

Peggy snorts at that. "Oh, please, Howard. With your history you could easily father a small country,"

Howard grimaces. "Eugh, kids hate me. Plus, who has time to tend to a baby all the time? I mean sure, kids probably aren't annoying when they're...late teenagers? But for most of their lives, kids just seem so clingy and needy."

Steve picks at his plate absentmindedly, reminded of a conversation he had with Tony.

"Clearly, you must've met a different version of my father. He was cold. He was calculating. He never told me he loved me, he never even told me he liked me."

The sound of Peggy’s voice brings him back to reality. "...That's because they're children, Howard. Babies aren't self-sufficient from birth. Do you expect them to come out of the womb ready for rocket science?"

"Well, thank you for absolutely shattering my argument, Agent Carter." Howard mutters, downing his coffee. Deciding to change the subject in order to deflect attention off of himself, he says, "Steve, you still with us?"

Steve snaps to attention. "I, uh, yeah. I was just daydreaming, I guess."

Peggy makes a mental note to ask Steve about that later.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Howard asks.

Steve shrugs noncommittally, continuing to eat with much less gusto than before. "Just thinking about our mission,”

Peggy eyes him carefully, choosing to say nothing but clearly knowing something was wrong. In due time, she would ask.

In due time hopefully meant whenever Howard left the room.

—

lmao so like i was listening to a bunch of james bond songs bc they’re dramatic and spy-ey right (cough cough tho a song that fits the general tone of the fic would be "the world is not enough" by garbage)?? and then there’s absolutely none of that in this chapter lmao. sorry if this chapter was boring compared to last one but i mean we can’t have constant action in the fic, silly goose. 

also can we talk about how it took me like 8 DAYS TO WRITE THIS and it’s this short i’m sorry ajsjdfkgjjklk 😶✌

taglist (dm me if you’d like to be added!):

everything taglist: @return-of-the-simp​ @thereblogcrusader @stillmourningtonystark ​

walls could talk taglist: @deedepee​ @rizwritesfandom​ (extra thanks to riz for helping me when i was struggling with being descriptive u a real one) @mcu-academy​​

If you enjoyed, please rb/leave a comment! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[1kook]

distractions

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

summary: “Soft.” / “No shit,” you say, “you’re deep between my boobs.” tags: gamer kook, soft bf jeon, extensive knowledge of the MCU (Mario Cinematic Universe) warnings: nsfw; mostly tit play, dry humping, slight praise, jizzing in ur pants like ur fifteen again wc: 3k barely 

when u have 34827 other fics to finish but ur brain hyper focuses on this image at 1 in the morning. not proofread bc idk ppl 

ty for all the nice comments on skirt chasers btw<333

There were a lot of things about Jungkook that you didn’t learn until you were official. Like the fact he rarely matches his socks unless they’re cool socks. Or that he prefers his pancakes pre-drizzled with syrup. Not necessarily bad things, just aspects the general public wouldn’t normally see. In fact, the worst “trait” you’ve learned about Jungkook in the past year is how easily distracted he can get. Nothing crazy, just tiny actions, like forgetting to eat for three hours because he refuses to leave his Wii until he can beat the guys in three rounds of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate in the Mushroom Kingdom stage. Strangely specific, but it’s Jungkook and you’ve long since learned he’s an enigma.

Times like now, when you creep up behind him as he continues screeching into his headset, voice cracking every now and then in that adorable way it does when he’s overwhelmed. You are no stranger to Jungkook’s apartment, having visited more times than you can count, and even dropping by and doing a little dusting while he was on tour. However, you’re surprised you can see the back of his coconut hair from the low backing of his new computer chair. He’d told you he recently threw away his big leather, super villain gaming chair because it’d started to tear, but it was a fact you hadn’t really paid much attention to.

Now, however, you’re feeling a little happy he did, because it means you can slide your palms around his shoulders in somewhat of a back hug. It’s way better than having to walk all the way in front of him, and you bite down on a grin when he mutters the softest “hi, baby.”

“Which stage are we battling on today?” You murmur, pinching the tip of his mic to twist it away. Faintly, you can hear Taehyung’s voice shout a greeting your way.

Another button smash of his remote, hands enveloping the tiny device. “Wii Fit Studio with Wario,” he replies, eyes flickering across the screen like his life depends on it. You snort.

“I thought you hated Wario,” you point out, and move with him when he jumps after being shot off the screen.

He looks at you for the first time as he waits for his character to respawn. “Changed my mind. He’s just misunderstood. Listen to my theory, babe,” he starts, and you let go of him because you have the back of a ninety year old war veteran and can only hunch over for so long. You take up a very bodyguard-esque position behind him, watching him play and gently pressing your thumbs into his shoulders. “Imagine this. You’re a kid trying to have fun and this other kid who looks exactly like you but better is somehow also cooler than you.”

You hum, letting go of his shoulders to toy with his hair. You pull it into a makeshift ponytail and giggle, not that Jungkook minds, too immersed in his game and his sudden loving Wario speech to care. “Then, you get older and this same dude is still getting all the credit for being exactly like you. On top of that, his little brother is doing the same to your little brother! I’d be so pissed.”

You let his hair drop, and then quickly brush the strands away from his face when he whines. “Uh huh. But theoretically speaking, aren’t you the Mario of your little universe?” Jungkook is silent. “If we’re going by your little story, I hardly doubt there’s another Jeon doing better than you,” you point out.

Jungkook’s Wario gets blown off the screen for the last time, and he’s left blankly staring at the screen. You poke his neck. “I don’t wish to discuss this further,” he says rather matter of factly. You laugh, shaking him and his seat. “Baby, why would you say that!” He cries.

You smile, flicking the switch on his headset before pushing it off his head. Jungkook moans again, head lolling back to glare up at you. “I finally come to terms with the fact that Mario is the true asshole, just to find out I’m Mario? Fucking absurd.”

You roll your eyes at his dramatics, fingers dancing down the stretched column of his neck. “Listen, no one told you to go out and create an entire deep backstory for the Mario Cinematic Universe.”

He scoffs, eyes fluttering shut as he continues basking in your soft caresses. “The MCU,” he chuckles under his breath. On screen, Taehyung is still fighting with whoever else they were playing with tonight, a little Isabelle and Dark Samus dancing across the screen.

Meanwhile, you’re still absentmindedly running your fingertips along Jungkook’s skin. For a second, you think he’s asleep by the deepening of his breaths, his body so soft and relaxed beneath your touch, but then he gets one of those weird twitches of his, and pushes his head between your breasts.

“Ah,” he sighs, eyes still shut. “Soft.”

“No shit,” you say, “you’re deep between my boobs.”

The little shit snuggles closer at your words. “My favorite place in the world,” he croons, and you pinch his neck for his stupidity. “Tell me when they’re done,” he mumbles, sounding as if he’s actually gonna fall asleep.

You relent, continuing your gentle massaging of the muscles in his neck as you tune into the match on screen. You’re not exactly sure which one Taehyung is, but your gut tells you he’s probably playing as Isabelle, so you root for her. You’re weirdly into it, jumping every time a good spar happens.

By the time the match ends (literally only like 4 minutes later) and you check on your boyfriend, he’s snuggled his way between the valley of your breasts, his cute nose poking out from between. “Oh my god,” you sigh, having to take a momentary pause to collect yourself from the sight.

Jungkook giggles.

“Well. Taehyung’s done,” you inform him, and he hums though he doesn’t really seem to care about Smash anymore. His hands go slack around his remote, crawling up to dwarf yours.

He sighs, sounding so happy with himself. “Baby, you’re so soft,” he hums, and you try desperately, and you mean desperately, to ignore the sudden drop of his voice, his hands ever so gently tangling with yours.

You try to hit him with the facts, because you know where this will go if you don’t. “Well, breasts are made up of mostly fatty tissue, and lobes for producing milk,” you inform him.

Contrary to your goal, the handsome smile that envelopes his face has you fighting down the curl in your stomach. You can never win.

“You know I love when you talk anatomical to me,” he purrs, and it takes everything in you to not punch him straight in those pearly whites.

You don’t have enough time to respond, too caught up in a mental pep talk to re-evaluate what your body considered attractive. Jungkook’s corny jokes should definitely not be high on the list, but your rock hard nipples said otherwise. “So, you gonna let me suck on them or what?”

“I hate you,” you groan, reaching over to completely unplug Jungkook’s headset because you were absolutely terrified of creating an accidental porno with your celebrity boyfriend.

Jungkook chuckles. “No you don’t,” he teased, finally wiggling his way away from you to whirl his seat around. “Could feel your nip nops pressing into my forehead. No bra today? She’s bold.”

“She’s bold and embarrassed that her boyfriend calls them nip nops,” you sigh, climbing into his lap. His remote presses hard against your thigh, and you yelp before he tugs it out and throws it on the desk behind him. Vaguely, you register the screen lighting up behind Jungkook, but then he’s nudging your shirt upwards.

He’s barely brushed his hands against you, but you’re already shivering and squirming in his lap. “Relax for me, baby,” he assures you, a new depth slowly creeping around his words. “Gonna take care of you, alright?”

You nod, breath already caught in your throat just from the way he looks at you. He flashes you another smile, bunny teeth slightly pressed against his lower lip, before he’s pushing your shirt above your chest, and marveling at your boobs.

You don’t miss the way his gaze becomes glossy, eyes hyper focused on the rise and fall of your chest. Just as you’re about to urge him to do something, he’s reaching up to brush his thumb around your nipple. “Oh,” you blurt out, the skin around your nipple rising with goosebumps.

Jungkook lets out a soft huff of air at your reaction. “So sensitive. Bet I could make you come just by touching your tits, baby.”

You scoff, choking back another sound when he does the same to the other nipple. “I wanna say I doubt it, but I feel like you’ll prove me wrong,” you retort.

At this, Jungkook smirks. “Oh, so now it’s an expectation?” He smiles, and it’s the last angelic side of him you see before he’s ducking down and latching his supple lips around your breast.

Immediately, your back arches forward, hands scrambling to grip onto his shoulders as he licks across your breast. “J-Jeon, wait—“ you cry, body shaking at the way his tongue dances around your nipple.

Your hands tangle themselves in his hair, tugging and twisting it as he flicks his tongue back and forth, knocking it against the hard pebble. You moan, and almost choke when he pulls away with a lewd pop.

His lips are glossy from his own saliva, red from the friction. He’s looking at your glistening breast like a starved man, thumb returning to glide over his own messy artwork. “So pretty,” he hums, Puckering his lips to blow a soft tuft of air against it. You shiver. “Aren’t you the softest little thing,” he says, one hand falling to your waist and gently easing you closer to his crotch. His sweatpants do nothing to conceal how he’s feeling.

You hate to admit how your insides had turned into a Fruit Gusher the second he started sucking on your boob, and now that you think of, you'd be absolutely embarrassed if you did come from just this.

As if sensing your inner turmoil, Jungkook meets your gaze. “I fucking knew it,” he says, slightly out of breath. You furrow your eyebrows, to which he pointedly raises his and gestures to his crotch. “You started pressing down so hard on me the second I got my mouth on you,” he brags, and as if to punctuate his statement, grinds his hips upward into you. “Did sucking your titty make you that wet, doll?”

Your cheeks flush at his words. Belatedly, you nod, your eyes falling to his lips that quirk up into a smile. “Oh, you’re just so desperate to be touched, aren’t you?” He continues, and then reaches up to pinch your nipple between two rough fingers.

You gasp, body arching into him. The pain is new, but definitely welcomed. “Yes,” you cry out, hand reaching out to grapple around his wrist. Though you try to tug it away, it feels disgustingly good and you know he knows, which is why he gives it a slight tug.

Finally, when he lets go of you, he doesn’t hesitate to lower himself down by your other, ignored breast. “I wanna see you cream your shorts, okay? So I’m gonna suck your other titty until you’re near tears, baby,” he states, before giving you a soft push of his hips.

“Please, be gentle,” you choke out, words stuck the moment he wraps his lips around you. This time, he’s ruthless with his tongue. He traces it all over, tonguing your nipple like a lollipop. It feels nice, the wet caress, that you don’t see that bite coming at all. You moan, body unconsciously pushing away from him in surprise.

“Nuh uh,” Jungkook tuts, strong arms wrapping around your lower back to bring you back into his embraces. This closer position has your core pressing down directly over his dick, and the sudden double stimulation has your vision momentarily going white. “Gonna give you a pretty little bite right under your tit, doll,” he announces, and in a scary act of trust, presses his fingers into your spine until you’re staring at the ceiling, the only thing supporting you his strong arms. He nudged your breast with his nose until he finds the perfect spot to place his impromptu hickey.

It’s right against the bottom curve, where your skin folds over, that he settles on. “Need you to to sit nice and still for me. You can do that, right baby?” Jungkook says, big doe eyes looking up at you. You nod your head quickly.

His teeth are cold, unlike the rest of his mouth. “Jungkook!” You moan, toes curling and thighs attempting to clamp shit. They hit the outside of the chair instead, slightly squeezing around his thin waist. “You’re s-so good to me,” you wail, pushing down into his covered cock for friction.

As much as you wanted to act like this wouldn’t affect you, your body is no liar. Fingers tangled in his long curls, you find yourself gently rutting against him. Much to your surprise, this makes him break away, a thin bridge of saliva connecting his mouth to your chest. You mourn when it finally breaks.

“Told you to stay still, doll,” Jungkook warns, one set of long fingers sprawling on the small of your back as the other reaches up. “You had all the time in the world to work yourself on me, but you wanna choose now?” He gently reprimands you, twisting your nipple between two pinched fingers. You mewl. “Promise you’ll be good?”

“I can’t,” you whine, desperation seeping into your voice as your traitorous hips jolt forward again. You nearly fall onto him when a particular nudge of his cock over your core feels just right. “Want your cock so bad,” you wail, throwing all hesitation out the window as you begin full on humping yourself against his crotch.

Jungkook sighs, trying to act annoyed with you but the twitch of his cock beneath you cannot lie. “Well I’m not done having fun with you,” he says, though the way his words are tinged with complaints, you can tell he’s trying hard not to pout. Nonetheless, he latches his mouth around your breast again, and you nearly faint when he rolls your nipple between his teeth.

“Jeon,” you cry, looking down with probably the world’s worst quadruple chin only to catch him absolutely savoring your titty. He’s got his eyes closed, pink tongue licking across every inch he can get. His arms are wrapped around the smallest part of your waist like he can’t possibly fathom letting you go. When he moans, a whole new found wetness coats your walls. You choke on a sob, “I-I love you, Jungkook.”

You can feel a smirk pressed around your breast. It’s this moment when Jungkook finally gives up on his little quest to tame you, hips bucking up to meet your offbeat grinds against him. He pulls off your breast with another wet pop, though he’s slightly lower than you from how consumed he was when sucking you tits. He has to make a little effort to stretch his neck up to look at you, and even then it’s over the top of his nose that he gazes at you.

His lips pucker slightly, and the next time you grind down onto him has them brushing against your lower lip. “That’s it,” he croons, admiring the different expressions that contort your face as you become closer and closer to your orgasm. “Come all over your pretty panties for me, baby,” he encourages, sucking your lower lip between his.

His mouth had been so dangerous to you today, licking and sucking in all the right spots, but nothing has ever felt as right as having it on yours. “I-I’m sorry,” you whimper, fingers knitting themselves in his hair.

“Don’t be,” he comforts, gripping your hips and swiveling you in a circular motion. “Next time you’ll do better, won’t you?”

You nod, head bouncing like a bobble head. He smiles, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth. Your thighs twitch. “I was gone for so long,” he rambles, hips picking up their pace the second he hears your breath hitch in your throat. “Didn’t think you’d become so sensitive and needy.”

A faint smile passes through your lips, and your toes curl and your belly tightens in that delicious way it does right before orgasm. Another grind against Jungkook, and he sighs “I love you,” as you cream your pants like a dweeby high schooler being touched for the first time.

Jungkook’s gentle movements halt the moment he sees that orgasmic face overtake you, pressing soft smooches all over the bottom half of your face, peppering your lips with them, until your fingers finally loosen in his hair.

“Fuck, I’m embarrassed,” you huff out, feeling gross and sticky in all the worst spots. Jungkook chuckles, and you can still feel his hard cock nudging the insides of your thighs.

“Nah,” he says. “It’ll make it easier for me to slide in.”

Even in your post orgasmic state, his words have a brand new coil of heat revving up. God, you were whipped for him. “Bed?” You ask, and he nods as you clamber off his lap, tugging down your shirt.

Immediately, he whirls around and catches sight of his abandon Smash game. “Huh.” He says, and you already feel the distraction staple itself into his mind. “Have you ever noticed how Dark Pit—“

You cut him off, gliding your hands around his neck and slowly craning it back until you can give him a tiny Spider-Man kiss. “If you make me cum a second time I promise I’ll listen to whatever theory you have about him,” you purr, punctuating your words with a tiny smooch.

The screen is off in record time.

[cade-flrt]

[🪐] WHEN SHE LOVED ME

─────────────────────

pairing. marcia x cherry

desc. where your soulmate’s name appears on your wrist once they’ve fallen in love with you, which only you and your soulmate can see

type. oneshot, song fic, soulmate au, angst

warnings. mention of death, illness

notes. nothing rlly except i hope y’all enjoy :))) based off the song when she loved me also this is a repost bc i deleted the last one by accident LMFAO

“when somebody loved me,”

whistling a soft tune with her eyes closed, marcia sat leaning against the fence of her front porch steps. she was watching the orange and red colours fall down south as the deep blue started to take over, slowly but surely.

it was a routine, at this point. to watch the sun set and to watch the redhead pass by her house each and every time.

sometimes they shared small glances, sometimes even smiles— but sometimes marcia just admired her, for a few seconds without the girl even noticing.

marcia got lost in thought thinking about her, and as if heaven above was listening to her, she heard the familiar footsteps walking by on the concrete pavement.

she quickly raised herself slightly, peering over the edge to get a peak at the girl as if she was some famous celebrity. marcia let out a small ‘tsk’ at herself, she’ll think your a weirdo. but then, she heard the familiar footsteps walking closer.

“hello!” the redhead stood in front of marcia, raising a small hand to wave. “i’ve noticed you looking at me for these past few months?” it was intended to be a statement, marcia could tell, but it came out more like a question.

“well it takes two to tango,” marcia replied simply which left the girl across from her confused. she crossed her arms and her hip was stuck out slightly.

“meaning?”

“you gotta be lookin’ at me too to see me lookin’ at you.”

she thought about it for a while, then a look of finality coming up on her face. “fair enough.” she said simply, going to sit next to marcia on the porch steps.

she felt her heartbeat quicken as the cotton of her sweater brushed against her shoulder, she was sitting so close.

“i’m sherri, but my friends call me cherry—“ sherri, or shall we say cherry, started introducing herself before marcia interrupted her.

“because of your hair? yeah figured,” she shrugged with a half smile on her face. usually, cherry would be mad at someone for interrupting her but instead this time she just let it go and decided not to mention it.

“yeah... you go to my school to something?” cherry asked, raising a singular eyebrow with pursed lips.

marcia let out a small sigh, “probably. but i could just tell, because your hair’s red, cherry’s are red... y’know... 2 + 2 = 4.” she replied playfully. she did know the cherry girl went to her school, marcia always saw her about.

“yeah i get it, no need to get smart...” cherry trailed off as she realised she didn’t know the brunette’s name. marcia probably would’ve answered quicker if she didn’t catch herself staring in her eyes.

marcia soon realised the situation and snapped back to reality, “marcia, the name’s marcia.”

cherry nodded, then standing up. “well marcia, i’ll best get going. my folks will be worried if i don’t get home soon, i’ll see you around yeah?”

“sure.”

“everything was beautiful,”

it was a few weeks later, marcia and cherry had gotten to talking and they soon became quite close friends. marcia enjoyed having cherry around, she always managed to put a smile on her face.

marcia stood, watering the flowers in her backyard as she was listening to the faded music playing from the record player playing from inside her house. she loved her flowers and other variety of plants, they made her happy every time she saw their beauty.

just like cherry, she thought with a small smile as she continued to pour more water without even thinking about it. she got lost in thought thinking about her new friend.

lord, how she hated that word.

“mar?”

marcia’s head perked up at the sound of the soft voice calling from beside her. “oh— cherry, you’re here.”

“yeah, just in time it seems too.” cherry chuckled a little, taking the green watering can from marcia to stop her from over watering the plants; though it seemed to be a little too late for that.

“you wanna go somewhere?” marcia asked, dusting off her hands on the light yellow skirt she was wearing. it protected her legs from the slight spring breeze.

“nah, let’s just sit here. watch the clouds or something cheesy like that.” cherry flashed her a wide grin, walking over slightly to lay down on the grass as marcia followed.

marcia felt the grass poke at her bare arms and back, inhaling the fresh air. “that one looks like a dinosaur.” she pointed at a cloud in the sky.

“hm, i’m not sure. i think it looks more like a car,” cherry disagreed, her head tilting to the side as her blue-green eyes examined the cotton like clouds above.

“and i think you need glasses if that’s what you see!” marcia exclaimed, sitting up on her elbows raising her eyebrows.

cherry giggled, slapping the other girl’s arm playfully. “art is subjective!” she reasoned in a higher pitched voice than usual.

“this ain’t art, this is just clouds?” marcia said, but it came out more as if it was supposed to be a question. she looked down at the redhead beside her, who was just staring up at the sky.

“well, i don’t know. i think you can find art in anythin’ and everything, beauty in anythin’ and everything. like these clouds; they’re beautiful, art-like— i mean look at that one! it looks like it was shaped perfectly by someone.” cherry explained her point of view which left marcia thinking about it for a while, and she ended up with the conclusion that she agreed.

marcia just then noticed that ever since she met cherry, everything was beautiful to her. or she could find the best parts in everyone and everything, guess that’s just cherry’s effect on people, is what she thought.

“every hour that we spent together,”

cherry sang a small song under her breath as she sat in front/underneath of marcia, who was sitting on her own bed. marcia ran her hand through cherry’s hair, then following it up with a brush. “can i do your hair?”

cherry just hummed as a small confirmation. at this sound, marcia continued and started braiding it into a singular braids. “your hair is so soft,” she commented with a small sigh.

“there’s a reason i take so long in showers.” cherry responded simply with a small shrug as she then stretched over to grab her notebook and started drawing something.

“what you drawin’?”

“just a little something.”

“should i be scared?” marcia asked, half joking half serious with a nervous laugh as she grabbed a band and tied the auburn locks at the end.

“no, don’t worry,” cherry shook her head. “plus if it was something bad, i’d be here to protect you.” she turned around to face the brunette and winked.

“wow, not scared no more!” marcia raised her voice a little and even marcia herself couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

she always felt safe with cherry around, as if nothing could touch her.

only cherry and her against the world.

just her and her best friend.

there was that word again.

friend.

“lives within my heart,”

marcia coughed into the handkerchief that she was holding in her hand. when she moved it away from her mouth, she noticed one thing and one thing only; it was stained with red.

a small gasp left her lips, the sight making her frown. “that can’t be good...”

“what can’t be good?” the same voice she had heard each and every day for the past few months asked.

marcia looked up and quickly crumpled the napkin up and threw it in the trash can, sitting in her room.

she looked down and realised cherry was carrying what looked like a crate filled with a load of varieties of things.

“oh it’s nothing... what’s that for?” marcia pointed to the said crate. she genuinely wanted to know but figured it would also be a good excuse to change the subject.

“oh, i figured we could go to the beach today!” cherry moved on from the past subject, seemingly forgetting it which made tension in marcia lessen.

“sure, sure, i’ll just need to ask my folks—” marcia started but cherry made a ‘mhm’ sound, wagging a finger. cherry placed the crate on the ground, letting her arms rest.

“already asked for you! they said yes, so you don’t really have an option here.” cherry put it simply. she walked over to the bed, dragging marcia along with her as they both fell down onto it. they both sat up straight.

“how funny,” marcia replied nonchalantly but on the inside her heart was beating and her cheeks were visibly heating up.

she never thought anyone would care about her like how cherry cared about her. she never thought anyone would think of her as much as cherry thought of her— or at least, she hoped cherry thought about her as much as she thought about her.

“cherry, you got your soulmate’s name on your wrist yet?” marcia pried, speaking out of nowhere and asking this question out of nowhere.

cherry gulped a little, looking a bit taken aback. she hesitated before answering, “yes..”

marcia’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping as she prodded her on to continue who it was. as cherry didn’t seem to get the memo, she simply grabbed the other girl’s wrist and looked down at the name tattooed in black.

marcia

they both sat there in complete silence for what seemed like centuries. marcia wasn’t quite sure what to feel, and she wasn’t quite sure on what was appropriate to react.

but marcia did know how she herself wanted to react.

marcia pulled cherry into her, connecting their lips almost instantly which made cherry’s eyes widen for a split second. she then relaxed into the kiss as marcia placed her hands on the side of cherry’s face, cherry placing her arms on marcia’s shoulders.

at first, they both didn’t move and just stayed like this but then they both started kissing each other back. their lips fit perfectly together as if they were building pieces that were made for each other, maybe they were. the universe works in funny ways, sometimes.

they both kept kissing each other in silence for what seemed to be hours, not making any other noises other than the smacking of their lips.

so much for a beach trip huh? marcia thought.

“and when she was sad,”

marcia paced back in forth in her room, she was waiting for cherry to get there and was biting her nails anxiously.

“mar? what’s up?” cherry came from behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. they had made it official only two weeks before, ever since that day marcia kissed her.

“i need to tell you something.”

“cheating on me, already?” cherry joked, but marcia didn’t seem to laugh which made cherry concern. cherry went to sit on the chair that was right next to marcia’s bed. she got more and more anxious the longer marcia put off telling her. “well come on, what is it then?”

marcia quickly but quietly hopped onto her bed, turning to face cherry and shimmied over to the edge of the bed. she held cherry’s hands in hers, almost to comfort her. “i’m sick, sher.”

“oh well that ain’t so bad, why you making such a big fuss over it?” cherry cocked an eyebrow, mistaking the information she just retained as marcia just having the common cold, a fever or worst case scenario; the flu.

“no, no. it ain’t like that,” marcia waved her off, continuing on. “i’m sick, like... badly, gonna be for a long time— hell, maybe even the rest of my life. doc said so, they don’t know what’s wrong with me just yet but they know it ain’t good.”

marcia tried to read the expression on cherry’s face but couldn’t seem to understand. she had no expression, just blankness. it was almost as if she was a blank canvas that was yet to be painted over.

“you gonna die, mar?” cherry finally reacted after the long silence, her voice shaking slightly and she released her hands from marcia’s.

marcia couldn’t tell if she was mad at her, or maybe just shocked. she decided to go with the latter, for her own sanity.

marcia thought about the question long and hard, trying to come up with an exact answer. but even marcia couldn’t answer it, instead she just kept silent.

but silence was a yes to cherry.

suddenly, cherry just stood up and walked out of the room.

“s’ she mad at me?” marcia asked herself in a low whisper. “golly, that’s all i need.”

“i was there to dry her tears,”

marcia had got told by her doctor to refrain from moving about if not necessary and was put on bed rest. she looked different. she was paler, looked almost gray-ish. her nails were brittle, her hair was thinner and there was less of it too.

cherry was there almost every hour of everyday. she made sure of it, and she made sure to look after marcia as best as she could. she would catch marcia up on what was going on at school, since marcia decided to make the decision to drop out.

marcia couldn’t help but feel guilty, as if she was robbing cherry of enjoyment. but cherry swore on the good lord that she didn’t mind, and would rather be there with her girlfriend than out there with randoms.

there’s a word she liked, girlfriend. compared to friend, she liked this word.

but marcia, every time she as much reached out, always noticed something. that her wrist was blank.

whilst cherry’s was stained with (seemingly) black ink that had marcia’s name on it. marcia had nothing on hers, meaning cherry didn’t love her.

“why’s that?” marcia would often find herself wondering.

you’re not good enough.

she likes someone else.

because you can’t do anything but stay in your bed all day.

you’re useless.

all these conclusions often circled around marcia’s mind, but cherry would say that it was a load of garbage and the universe is just playing games.

well that is, if they ever talked about it. they only talked about it once or twice, they didn’t like mentioning it and marcia tried to block it out of her thoughts as well as she could.

“open up!” cherry commanded marcia to do so, which she followed through and opened her mouth slightly. cherry sat beside the bed on the same chair as before, a tray on her lap with a bowl of soup. the spoon filled to the brim with yellow coloured soup found it’s way to marcia’s mouth after some time.

“you know,” marcia started but stopped to finish chewing a piece of chicken, “you don’t gotta feed me, i can do that by myself. i ain’t five.”

cherry just simply rolled her eyes at this statement, “well, yeah. but i like doing it, it makes me happy— don’t you want your girlfriend to be happy?” she gave marcia over exaggerated puppy dog eyes.

“yeah, whatever you want..” marcia gave in, swallowing the piece of chicken. truth is, she had started to lose her sense of taste. as well as her other senses, her sense of hearing was already pretty much gone and don’t even bring up her sense of smell.

god knows what goes next. her sense of touch and sight? well, marcia figured she couldn’t lose her sense of touch just like that but she was rather scared about her sight.

she remembered her doctor saying something about her potentially losing her sight and she felt it coming. her vision was getting worse by the day, becoming more and more blurry.

“you’d still like me if i couldn’t see or anythin’ right?” marcia spoke from out of nowhere, making cherry jump slightly.

cherry looked highly confused and put the bowl of soup and the tray on the ground. she frowned, “yes of course, that won’t change nothing. why?”

“just checkin’.” marcia lied, getting comfortable in her bed. she shifted about slightly, she just couldn’t get comfortable anymore. it was always too warm with the blankets over her, and way too cold without them on her.

her doctor and cherry alike recommended to keep the covers over her, as a lot of the time, marcia couldn’t even tell what her actual body temperature was.

marcia looked over to see cherry painting once more in the small notebook she brought around with her.

marcia was still yet to find out what she was actually painting, but she decided not to bother her.

she quickly found her eyes shutting close almost by herself, a wave of tiredness taking over her mind and body.

but her mind and body suddenly shot awake when she heard quiet sobs coming from beside her. “cherry?”

then, marcia looked up to find cherry sobbing into her hands with the notebook and painting set on the floor. marcia felt very confused on why she was crying. “what’s wrong?”

“it’s just that... you don’t deserve to be locked up here or whatever, it makes me sad y’know..” cherry tried to explain her feelings between sobs, marcia reacted quickly by stretching over to hold cherry in her arms. she hoped she made cherry feel as safe as cherry made her feel.

“it’s alright, don’t worry. it’s not that bad.. anyways, who was i gonna meet out there? the president?” marcia tried to cheer her up with a subtle joke, and it seemed to do the trick. “i got you, and that’s all that matters to me.”

cherry sniffed a few times before nodding, “yeah, i guess you’re right.”

“am never wrong, doll!”

“and when she was happy, so was i,”

“baby, oh baby!” cherry sang along to b-a-b-y by carla thomas, the record that was playing softly in the background. she was dancing about marcia’s room, the doctor had just been, as usual, and just left.

she was trying to cheer up marcia, as she noticed marcia usually felt much more sad when he came around. he wasn’t a bad guy or anything, he just never had any good news for marcia. he had just told them that he and the optician both believe she would be losing her sight much sooner than expected.

“i love to call you baby!” cherry continued to sing. she somehow found a scarf in marcia’s room somewhere and was dancing around with it.

even though marcia felt sad, whenever she saw cherry, she couldn’t help but smile.

it was cheesy, she knows but she doesn’t care.

even though marcia had the gut feeling all the time that cherry truly didn’t love her, she tried to push that deep down into the pits of hell.

“of course she loves me,” marcia mumbled to herself. over the loud music playing, cherry couldn’t hear what she was hearing— and she was far too distracted to notice anyways.

yet, she found herself glancing down at her wrist and winced at the bareness of it. there was still yet no ink to be found, she wondered what she could possibly do.

but then she saw cherry flash that iconic smile, and found herself distracted from all bad thoughts.

“through the summer and the fall,”

“marcia! get up!”

marcia jumped up from the bed at the sound of cherry’s voice shouting through the house. “jesus, cherry. if i wasn’t going to die as it was, i was gonna die of shock.”

“don’t make jokes like that.” cherry stated, in a very serious tone that marcia never heard her use before. she and cherry knew it was true, but they both mutually agreed to not bring it up. marcia was so weak now that she found herself not even being able to get up or get changed on her own, so often it was her mother or cherry helping her.

“i’m driving you!” cherry moved on from the topic quickly, deciding not to talk about it anymore and pretend it never happened.

“to where?”

“does it matter? just around the place. to get fresh air.” cherry answered the question, opening the curtains to get some fresh light in.

“i can get fresh air in here, yknow.” marcia turning to face the window, which cherry was standing right next to as she fixed the curtains.

“a short breeze from the window don’t count,” cherry started looking through her drawers. she pulled out some clothes and threw it towards— or directly at, marcia, (her face to be exact). “get changed.”

“jeez, i’m on it! i’m on it!”

after getting ready, (cherry helping), marcia and cherry were sat in cherry’s car. she was just driving around the place, going through small hills and remote areas. the radio was blasting loudly, and they were quickly driving by the beach.

“we should get a house by the seaside someday, how ‘bout that?” marcia offered, she admired the blues that made up the sea and the tan beiges that made up the sand.

“sure, and if a tsunami come then oh well!” cherry agreed to it, shrugging her shoulders as she tapped the steering wheel along to the beat of the song playing on the radio.

“at least we’ll die in a good house,” marcia shrugged, speaking half seriously and half sarcastically. cherry laughed at her joke, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“we had each other, that was all,”

marcia held cherry tight in her arms, as cherry was lying on top of her. she rubbed the back of her head softly, cherry singing soft lullabies.

“i ain’t a baby, you don’t gotta sing no lullaby to me,” marcia chuckled, rolling her eyes as she twirled a part of cherry’s hair with her finger.

“well you’re my baby!” cherry declared, giving a small kiss and marcia fake gagged.

“gross, never say that again!”

“oi, i’m trying to be nice here.” cherry faked a pout, leaning her head into marcia’s chest. she just listened to her heartbeat.

“i’d rather you tell me you want me dead than that.” marcia over exaggerated, which made them both laugh at the statement.

“well then, i want you dead!”

“well, your wish already seems to be granted.” marcia tried to joke along with her again, but cherry just stopped. she was no longer laughing.

“what did i tell you about joking about that?” cherry scolded in the same tone as before, marcia gulped fearfully.

“just she and i together,”

at this point, it had been about 2 years since marcia got sick. marcia couldn’t even leave the bed anymore, she was asleep half of the time and when she was awake she could hardly talk.

and one major thing.

there was still no name on her wrist.

not that she could see it anyways, her vision was completely gone. everything was too blurry snd the world around her was just one big blob.

all she could get out of the world anymore was cherry’s sweet voice beside her, talking about whatever was going on in her life.

“cherry?”

“yes?”

“you love me, right?”

“‘course.”

“you on my wrist yet, then?”

cherry stopped talking, and stopped breathing it seemed like at the question. she knew better than to lie to marcia about something like this, but didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“don’t lie to me, now..” marcia said, shaking her head as her hands found their way to the sides of her own head in frustration.

“it’s just... i don’t know what’s going on.. maybe the universe is playin’ tricks or somethin’..” cherry tried to reason with marcia, she truly didn’t know what was going on.

“the universe playing tricks? that’s a joke if i ever heard one,” marcia scoffed, which left cherry rather upset. she had never talked like this before, but she decided not to mention it.

“it’s jus—”

“just what? you don’t love me, that’s what!” marcia raised her voice, which almost left cherry in tears at the sound. “you don’t love me! you obviously wanna be with one of those other girls! you don’t want me! you just pity me! well i don’t want your pity!” she shouted, obviously frustrated as her voice cracked at every word.

suddenly, her eyes shut tightly and that made cherry’s heart drop. “marcia!”

“oh calm it, it’s nothin’.” marcia said, her voice croaky as ever. she rolled onto her side so that her back was facing cherry.

cherry was relieved she didn’t just die on her but was still hurt by her words. she stood up and slipped into the bed, wrapping her arms around marcia’s waist.

marcia let out a sigh, she couldn’t stay mad at her much longer. she knew this, she never could stay mad at cherry. well, she never was mad at her in the first place.

“i’m sorry, sher. just frustrated is all,” marcia grumbled, her voice still sounded semi mad but cherry could tell her apology was sincere.

“don’t worry,” was all cherry said in response, planting a small kiss on marcia’s shoulder.

“i love you.” marcia said, she waited for cherry’s response but to no avail. it broke her heart, but she decided to just sleep it off. she’ll be better after some sleep.

“i love you too,” cherry admitted wholeheartedly. but marcia was already in dreamland by that time, so no one but cherry heard it.

if a tree falls in a forest when no one is around, does it really make a sound?

she was being truthful about it— well, she thought she was. cherry took a peek over marcia’s shoulder, to just see the blank wrist.

then it hit cherry. she was afraid of loving someone, and she afraid they were just going to leave her.

not marcia, though.

marcia would never leave me, is what cherry declared.

cherry woke marcia awake, “psst, marcia,” she whispered and just got a hum in response.

“i’m gonna go, okay? bye!” cherry told her in the same cheerful tone and stars yes to get out of the bed.

“not now... don’t say goodbye yet... maybe tomorrow...” marcia replied simply, grabbing cherry to stop her and dragging her back to her original position.

“alright, i’ll say goodbye tomorrow.” cherry agreed with a small smile, not knowing quite what she meant and she happily went to sleep next to marcia.

“like it was meant to be,”

it was the next day, after last night. and cherry had woke up, went back to her house and already walked back to marcia’s.

she walked up to marcia’s room, going to sit in her usual position in marcia’s room.

the chair next to the bed.

“hey mar, wake up.” she shook marcia awake, and even though it took a few times, she awoke eventually.

“oh hey, cherry,” marcia replied. her voice was even more raspy in the morning and cherry loved it. it was the only reason marcia spoke anymore, as speaking put marcia in even more pain but she never told cherry that.

they both sat there, talking about whatever (cherry done most of the talking). soon enough, cherry had pieces of toast and was feeding them to marcia.

“oh cherry, y’know that painting you started a few years back?” marcia recalled, waving her finger around for emphasis.

“yeah?” cherry said her words with a slight laugh, she found it hard to believe she could remember that but couldn’t even remember what she ate of lunch yesterday.

“what was that of?”

“oh just the clouds, y’know the one that we saw that one day? turns out it does look more like a dinosaur!” cherry exclaimed, clasping her hands together as all the pieces of toast were gone.

“told you i was always right,” marcia gave a small shrug as a playful grin was plastered on her face. “it’s a shame i never got to see it— your painting, i mean. i used to love your paintings, well i still do. i just love everything you do, to be honest. i just love you!”

cherry stayed silent at that, and instead her eyes darted towards marcia’s wrist which was still blank.

“my wrist is still bare, ain’t it?”

“how’d y’know i was looking at it?” cherry’s eyes widened and she sat back a little.

“could just tell,” marcia muttered, “listen, doll. don’t get too... hung up about it... i overreacted last night, it ain’t all that big of a deal.” marcia shifted around in her bed and laid down, as she started to cough, “just know... i... i love you... alright?” she told her in between coughs.

cherry started to panic, but kept it to herself, it wasn’t until marcia stopped responding to the calls of her name did cherry realise. wasn’t until cherry realised marcia was whiter than ever, her breaths stopping and her chest stopped rising did cherry realise.

she died.

marcia died.

marcia, as in cherry’s marcia, died.

she left.

just like the rest.

but no, she didn’t leave. she’s still here, just maybe not physically.

cherry’s chest tightened and her whole body followed, loud sobs was all that came from her as she sobbed over her girlfriend’s dead body.

marcia had died.

and she knew what she meant now by ‘say goodbye tomorrow’, she knew she was going to die.

marcia knew herself she was going to die imminently, but instead of telling anyone or getting help. she decided to spend her last few hours with her, cherry.

cherry didn’t know what to feel, and then it hit her.

marcia died thinking cherry didn’t love her.

thinking no one loved her.

all because of some stupid mark on the wrist.

“it’s stupid! it’s all so stu—” cherry started screaming by now, the tears rushing down her face but then something caught her eye.

cherry

stained right on the love her life’s wrist.

then it all made sense.

the feeling of true love was all too unfamiliar to cherry, and feeling like this when they left you was new to her.

she then realised, because she had been scared to love marcia incase she left her... now that she was gone, she had nothing to lose. she wasn’t scared, she had nothing to be scared of.

“i love you,” cherry confessed. this time, she really did mean it.

but one again, she was too late. no one... no one but herself heard it.

if a tree falls when no one else is around, does it make a sound?

she loved marcia.

but marcia would never know.

and never will know.

all because cherry valance was scared to love.

“when she loved me.”

[mjalti]

I've also lost someone recently and I can also say that putting up with platitudes or 'comforting' words from ppl around me is overwhelming and makes me feel like they don't understand at all. We're mourning and we know no one can soften it or anything and I don't think we expect anyone to? Mostly I would like to feel heard and understood but that is difficult in grief. You'll find an appropiate way to be there for her bc you are a warm person who simply Understands. Wish you both well.

I say this as someone who is preparing for a death as well..I think the thing with healing is that it seems like everyone wants us to just forget that these people existed, that we loved them, that we are fundamentally changed by their absence. I just feel like hearing “it’s going to be ok” isn’t something someone needs to hear, it’s something that they themselves will eventually come to terms with on their own time. In mourning, people arent worried about how it’s “going” to be ok, they’re living through the daily reality that it is not ok right now. The process of an unwelcome acclimation, the stress and grief of an entire lost potential is so painful. One of my secret wishes, because I never had grandfathers in my life, was always that my father would live long enough to see me find a partner I loved, married, and with children so I could also see him realize his final “paternal” role as a grandfather. I now know that this isnt going to happen and i know it to the tune of an empty hospital pump beeping. This whole process, the prepping, reminds me of that anne carson quote: 

You remember too much, my mother said to me recently. Why hold onto all that?  And I said, Where can I put it down?'

the grief of death, to me in the prepping stage, is finding a place to put it down while still celebrating the aspects of your interactions with these people that you loved. Grief is not like the other emotions to me. It seems more ancient, it seems less like an emotion and more like an encompassing. Grief is the acknowledgment that something is happening that we never wanted to happen. I was outside of the emergency room yesterday to deliver supplies to my mom; they wont let her out of the room or else she can’t go back in and I am not allowed in due to COVID concerns. I was outside waiting for the nurse to take the supplies from me. Inside the emergency room, there was some shrieking. shrieking like a fight. there were unnerved glances from the onlookers including nurses and I could see also the face of a doctor who was only observing her. She kept chanting, screaming “he isnt dead, no he isnt dead, he isnt dead”. She was also admitted to the hospital. Grief is so visceral. In a year, in two years, she’s going to be alright. But that’s not what she needed to hear in that moment. She needed the start of her grief heard, acknowledged, seen, and validated. I didnt mean for this post to be so long. But at the end of the day, I somehow think it is more offensive for survivors to hear flippant comments than it is reassuring. So I am trying to be very careful and honest about what I say to her. I want her to know that her loss is acknowledged and witnessed, noticed and seen. I know he is dead, like she knows he is dead. I know and she knows that eventually, she will be ok. But that doesn’t mean that that is what she wants to know right now. 

[redevenir]

rigil kentaurus (pt. i)

The brightest star of the Alpha Centauri solar system – our closest neighour. Its name is the latinisation of the arabic رِجْل القِنْطورُس‎ Rijl al-Qinṭūrus, meaning the Foot of the Centaur. It is slightly larger and more luminous than the Sun. W

seungkwan x reader

wc : ~ 4000

summary : you are only a spectator of your life until they take your hand and let you live it.

a/n : started it as a seungkwan piece, then turned it into a johnny one then coming back to seungkwan bc this is how i wan to keep writing it. it's like i can't keep writing it if it's not seungkwan i don't know.

« It’s the fourth one. » Chan’s voice is only a hushed whisper but you hear how bothered he is. You don’t answer.

I know…

No, It’s already the fourth one tonight, and it’s only eleven!

I know…

It’s like they’re not even trying! Seungkwan barely avoids the tea towel as Chan raises his arms out of exasperation. If they don’t what a cappuccino is, why do they order it anyway? It’s a coffee shop, just buy a coffee! You know you don’t need to answer that. You’ve been working here for months and complaining about customers seems to be a universal way of breaking the ice. You’ve heard this speech from your first week at the counter, and with time you’ve come to agree with whatever colleague you were with, on every single point. Not once have you considered quitting to find something else instead. It is, indeed, not the best place. At the entrance of the city, the beginning of the highway. It is neither cozy nor warm. The air conditioning is too strong half of the year, the radiator too hot during the six months of winter. You are either sweating or shivering. The playlist is sickening, and never in tune with the season. You ignore Maria Carey’s christmas’s vocals as you give a customer a refill. Night workers and truck drivers are your only customers during the night shifts. You have stopped judging them long ago.

For months on end, the only thing Chan could tell about his coworker was that you were not a model employee. It was hard to blame you for anything specific. But you felt off. You felt nothing. When Seungkwan asked him how his shifts went, he would just shrug. It felt like he spent many of his nights on his own rather than with you. Like you were not there with him. Every evening he would arrive, greet you and feel like it was the first time ever. And he would grumble about it.

Can you believe I know nothing about her ?

Well, she’s surely a very private person.

Yes, and that’s rude.

You make little to no effort to appeal to the customers. In fact, you barely engage at all with them. Although, and this is your secret, you do have your favorites. From the three maintenance workers of the power plant to the security guard who comes four times a week, before the end of your shift, after the end of his own, Chan has found out that, if he listens to you close enough he’ll learn their names. Because you know them. You often seem to be elsewhere, but when you wish them a nice evening, or good luck, you do say their name, quietly, without any fuss. A sign to him you weren’t completely indifferent but thoughtful in a different way from his. There is nothing likeable to the Dreamy Drivin Chan works at. First of all, it is not a drive-in, nor a drive-through, it is a mere coffee shop. Not a fancy one, not a chain one. The counter’s light green is ugly, the temperature’s always off, and the pay is honestly not much. This is how life is at the border of the city. You catch what you can get and you try to make it work. He assumes the reason you’ve landed there is the same as his and Seungkwan’s : dropped from school, without any proper qualification for a living. He assumes you are his age, that your face must look younger when you are not tired. Chan is nice. Well, Chan likes to tease his friends, but Chan is nice. He tries to reach you, one sentence at a time.

White noises. The purring of the coffee machine you’ve never seen off. They come in, white shirt, stained jeans, black coats. They order the same thing, the largest, darkest coffee you got. You serve them with a « good night », « good luck » if you feel in a kinder mood. Since Seungkwan’s smile is bright and big and loud, you’ve decided you didn’t need to fake one of your own. They pay for their order and leave for never ending roads you cannot quite picture in your mind. When you work long shifts, it seems to you the world is shrinking, that if you open the front door you will fall into a bottomless pit. That the joke of a coffee shop you work at is some sort of asteroid gas station where rocket drivers stop by on their way to the Andromeda galaxy. You tell yourself Earth is also a little rocking drifting among the stars. You welcome a new customer. You dream of outer space. It is known people turn to alcohol and other substances to forget their troubles, but you don’t need that. Numbness greets you every time the pointing machine does its trick, and you even lose sight of your daily life. Surely you have one, plants to grow, books to read, hiking to walk and messes to clean. People to see and a sun to meet. But here, behind your pale green counter, you consign it all to oblivion. Here, there is only the world in your head and the star who takes orders by your side that exist. Your hear Chan’s annoyed sigh. You serve another coffee. It feels like taming the crow that lives in the tree in front of his building. Like he could give you bread and even croissant crumbs every single night and you would still be distant. And one day, you initiate the conversation, and he knows he’s done well. He remembers it just fine now. It was probably a boring wednesday, late in the afternoon. It had been a cloud few hours since he had woken up. A dim midday sun dissolving into the thick gray air. He was already behind the counter, checking the clock, when you had busted in the room, panting. There was some pathetic charm about the whole scene. You don’t hide your surprise when you see Chan already there, and a smile had made its way – oh so joyful and unsettled. The smile on your face had remained unchanged when he had asked you. And why are you late ?

I am not ? You had answered. What the manager doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

Ooh, so that’s how it is. Chan relates to that. He never complains about you again. Next time he talks about you, he tells Seungkwan you are his friend now. His quiet, merry friend who never works day shifts. Chan does. As it happens, Chan hates working the night shifts and only does it when Seungkwan can’t. Seungkwan is kind. Seungkwan is the most loveable being Chan has known in years. Seungkwan is grounded and warm, and steady. Moving in with him was like having finally his roots planted into rich, reliable earth, instead of the slippery mud he had been walking on for most of his life. Chan is heard, is seen. Chan sleeps well, and goes out of his way whenever Seungkwan asks him a favor, because it is easy to satisfy him. Easy, and right. He tells Seungkwan you’ve asked after him, and watches as the other chokes on his coffee.

Can’t believe you’d think I wouldn’t notice.

When Seungkwan comes back to the night shifts, you don’t mention him ever leaving, but he notices the change in you immediately. When you greet him, he looks at your face and wonders what was so bad that your better rested face still looks worn out. You’re not as lively as he is, you’re not as lively as Chan is, hell, you’re not even as lively as Chan said you were with him – which wasn’t that much to begin with. But you are here. There is a relief in your presence. Seungkwan said nothing about his absence, and diligently drinks the cup of coffee you offer him around three. Seungkwan regrets the day shift but still. It could be worse. As he tries his best to maintain his customer service to its level – it is hard and how, how did he manage to do it before ? Is this the reason why you don’t ? Don’t set any standard, at all, so no one can be disappointed – and especially not you – when you don’t live up to them. Seungkwan wonders how hard you really are on yourself, and if he isn’t being dramatic. Maybe you’re all right. Maybe you look terrible because that’s how you look. Maybe you were born tired and he has no need to worry about you. Maybe you don’t need him to meddle in your privacy. Surely, if you wanted him to know about your life you’d tell him yourself.

The softest clunk ever heard by a human ear snaps him out of his thoughts. He meets your concerned look and the large cup of latte you’re handing to him.

Seungkwan, you should go home. Take it easy. Night shifts are hard.

He looks at you with wide eyes, opens his mouth, close it, opens it again and stutters.

But- no ! I mean- I can’t- I- I- you- I can’t let you do this alone- It- It- no, it’s not right! You shrug and gesture vaguely toward the empty diner hall.

It’s whatever, really. You try to elaborate as he doesn’t answer. No one’s here, you’re clearly not here, there’s only two hours left, just, you know. Go to sleep. I really don’t mind. You don’t have to fight me on this, by the way, it’s not like I’d tell anyone.

Seungkwan does as you say, doesn’t fight you on this. He can’t manage a proper thought, a proper thank you. He goes in the locker room, picks up his stuff, only to hesitate before the front door, until you repeat yourself, a sweet promise of rest. He spends the journey back home away from his body, replaying the scene over and over. He knows he’s screwed when he opens the door to his and Chan’s apartment. It’s ridiculous, and he would feel ashamed if he wasn’t so tired. How easy it is to let you take care of him. He crashes on his bed still in his work clothes and forgets his last thoughts.

Your shift passes without a fuss. It doesn’t feel like you’re there either.

You close your book when you realize you’re not reading anything. There is a light buzz in your brain, but it is quiet. Unthreatening. You close your eyes and your reaches for the cup of hot cocoa on your desk. It’s all nice and quiet here, and you wonder how you’ve managed to make your apartment such a peaceful nest when your mind is so often washed out by fierce tempests. You let your mind drift away, floating on a safe shore. Breaks from work are nice. Your sleep schedule is well set by now, and you can properly enjoy those forty-eight hours for yourself. You don’t spend every week night longing for them, because you never project yourself into the future, but you would if you did. Dawns are definitely your favorite moment of the day. Either they mean you can go home, or that you have an entire day to relish in the warmth of your place. It is a nest indeed. A kitchen and a bedroom, all stuffed into the maze of a much bigger building. The wooden floor is quite creaky and you do hear when the neighbor upstairs wears their heels. The walls are a very faded shade of orange, which you love – sun-like colors are for good luck. The furniture is definitely older than you are – older than your parents, probably – but it is nice. And the day you’ll leave it will remain exactly the same. More used but untouched. In a way, the atmosphere is not unlike the Dreamy. Homey and decay. Anonymous, but in a belonging way. Chan would hate it. His apartment – well, their apartment – is probably… You can’t picture it. You don’t know enough about home interiors to picture someone else’s home. Comfortable. Maybe furs as bed-covers? You have never touched one before, but sometimes you catch a glimpse of them on the passenger seat of a car. Your gaze never lingers though : you are not to look at a car owner in the eyes.

Seungkwan feels like he’d sleep nested in a bed of wool and furs. He’d probably like the soft but rough feeling of it against his skin. There’s something comforting about raw fabrics, isn’t there? A bubble of heat slowly builds in your chest and you close your eyes shut to chase the thoughts of Seungkwan’s bare skin in his bed.

Seungkwan is quiet, but not discreet. He is clumsy and always in his own world, parallel to yours, but you wonder how many light years are between you, and it is all to his credit. There is something you find commendable to his behavior. A reliable honesty. Not unlike a dog, you can tell from the look on his face whether he is content or anxious or annoyed. You do not have to imagine his hidden agenda – you are positive he has none. The easiness with which Seungkwan expresses himself still amazes you, even after a year or so of observing him a few nights a week. It seems to you his feelings have no hindrance to them : pure joy, pure irritation, pure panic whenever one of you breaks a cup – it happens more than you like to admit. When his voice rushes to tell you a quick joke between two customers, the joyful spontaneity of his tone carries you miles away from the counter, to bright afternoons on windy shores. He is quick-witted and never misses a chance to tell you whenever he notices something amusing. Simplicity is Seungkwan’s most beautiful quality, you have decided. When you are not drifting around other solar systems, when you come back home to your place, when you are lying in bed a few minutes more before getting dressed up, you try to imagine what he is doing at the same time. What does his apartment look like, what does he like to cook, does he have a dog and why is his smile so charming. Sometimes under the shower you wonder what he would think about you if he were to see you naked. You try to leave these thoughts in the shower where they belong but you cannot always control your mind and you find yourself embarrassed in front of him more often than you care to admit.

You collect information about him like a gold digger their gold nuggets. Every word he addresses you, you replay in your head again and again until you can hear him breathe them against your ear in the darkness of your bedroom. So when Seungkwan comes back, all quiet and cautious, pondering on his words and his welcoming attitude almost erased, you act on it as best as you can. You are not brave enough to properly ask him about it, so you do what you do best. You observe. How quieter he has become, and the slow but unstoppable growth of the bags under his eyes. Not that he seemed well-rested at all, which is also worrying. What did he go through that was even more tiring than working night shifts? Of course, it is none of your business. If Chan were there, maybe he’d spill the tea, but Chan made it very clear he didn’t want to work a night shift ever again. Will you ever talk to him again? The little one you’re so found of. Chan said Seungkwan was a neat roommate to have, and for him to give up the sunlight for months, you assumes he means it. The understatement is lovely. Chan would never spill Seungkwan’s secrets.

You light up the gas, put the little orange pan on it, pour the milk in it. With that you empty the milk carton, and throw it in the trash. Who knows when you’ll be able to afford milk again? You haven’t seen any in the store for weeks – and you restrain yourself from stealing the Drivin. It isn’t worth it. As you wait for the milk to heat up, you hear a gentle knock on your door. You lower the fire, apprehension growing in your chest. You’re not expecting anybody, so this can’t be good. On your tiptoes, breathing deep, you reach the front door and slowly open it. Wary, you let yourself look at whoever is standing outside.

Oh, miss, hello! Sorry to bother you! Someone just called after you, so I thought I’d let you know ! She lived here too. You don’t know her name, but she’s definitely older than you are. She lives upstairs, you’re not sure of the floor. She looks like a teacher, and her enunciation sounds like that too. She has a little polite smile on, aware of your discomfort, the stiffness of your body being obvious. As she sees your absence of reaction, she hands you a piece of paper, covered in smooth carbon writing. Definitely a teacher. One of your coworker, he said he was. I forgot yo ask for his number, but if he calls back, do you want me to tell him something specific ?

Huh, no! I mean- No, no, no, you don’t need- you don’t- you don’t need to do anything, miss. I’m- I’m sorry he took the liberty to call you, I don’t wish to bother you ! You mouth is so dry. Thank you! Thank you! Sorry again! I’ll leave you be then! Have a nice day! You shut the door without noticing the smile she has on again.

The ringing in your head takes over everything else. You try to reach for something to keep your balance and crumble against the wall, choking for air. You crumple the piece of paper in your fist, nails digging in the soft flesh of your palms, tearing little moon crescent that taint the words you haven’t even read. She knows now. What kind of person doesn’t have a telephone at home? Who, if not someone who is trying to remain unreachable? Untraceable. Your head is about to implode from the pain. Now she’ll know. Now, she knows you have something to hide. You lie on the floor, chasing after your breathe. Who will she tell? Does she live alone ? Is she a public teacher ? How long do you have until she tells on you? You cannot dare to think you might have to go now, tears burning your eyes as you hiccup desperately. The hawk claws on your chest only dig deeper and deeper until your forehead is against the floor, searching for cold, for a relief from the blades in your brain.

The crisis lasts for hours.

The room is dark when you emerge, and a faint, panicked thought about being late comes to you but you’re quick to remember you don’t have to work tonight. Smoke and the smell of burnt is all around you. Shit, the milk. Mouth dry, head numb, you slowly sit up, body hoarse. Feeling a light pain in your hands, you let your fingertips brush over the scab already formed. The piece of paper is still in your left hand, torn and bloody. Finally, you smooth it and read the few words on it. Coworker wants to know when next free day is. also have a good day. You stare at it without making any sense out of it. What coworker? Which one? Your planning is with everyone else’s at work. You feel nauseous. Muscles sore, you stand up and go to the kitchenette to turn the fire down. Without second thought you throw the now empty pan in the trash. Fuck all of this. Mindlessly, you reach the bathroom, undressing yourself as in a dream. After you’re done you let yourself fall on the bed. Quiet, in the back of your head, you start to make a list. Tomorrow, tomorrow you will pack. Just in case.

When you arrive at work the next night, you put an obviously packed bag under the counter. You don’t greet Seungkwan. You don’t look at him. The shift goes by without a word addressed to him. At dawn, a few minutes before you’re both free to go, Seungkwan clears his throat next to you.

I-… Hum. I, well, it’s obvious you don’t want to talk about it, but- Well, just- Just so you know. Chan says he’s sorry. He would never hav- You cut him off, stern, as you wipe the cloth over the counter to make it shine. So it was Chan.

I don’t know what you’re talking about. You hear him open and close his mouth. He seems to understand his place.

O- Ok. Have a good day rest then.You don’t bother to answer him before leaving, bag on your shoulder.

Time passes slowly.

You haven’t looked at Seungkwan in the eyes for so long now, Chan wonders if you still know what he looks like. Every afternoon when Seungkwan eats his breakfast and Chan comes back home to a most welcome snack, the night worker sighs heavy, burdened by your silence. It’s unbearable.  It’s unbearable for him to go to work every night with someone who was once friendly and has turned into a wall, a wall for which he longs to love. It’s unbearable for Chan to see his roommate on the verge of tears because of the guilt. It’s unbearable to know their action has you ready to run away every minute of every day.

The thing with Seungkwan is that he is quite good at reading people. Even though he does enjoy some unnecessary drama as much - and maybe more - as others - he usually manages to get through his life without ruffling any feather. It makes it a lot harder to comfort him with empty words when he knows you’re avoiding him, because he has been looking at you. This is how one should talk to people, he has learned. Not everyone is comfortable doing so, he also learned. Sometimes, Seungkwan says nothing, for he is afraid to annoy you away. There is no pleasure whatsoever in taking the night shift. The place is already dull by day, but by night it reaches a new dimension of boredom. Sure, it pays a bit better, but it is not worth it. Since he is not asked anyway, and he does not get to choose his shifts, Seungkwan tries to prize the strays of light in this fog of ennui. First, the night regulars seem to like him better than the day ones. He likes to think they enjoy his enthusiasm and maybe it is one of the reasons they keep coming and ordering there. The other one is you. Although now you are not at all like a light ray and more of a far away storm, high at sea.

Seungkwan would’ve liked it better if had you unleashed hell upon him. Before you used to not talk to him, but it felt more like you were shy, or reserved. Or merely didn’t know what to say, which is a very understandable feeling when you’re still at work at two in the morning five days a week. It didn’t feel awkward. Well, it sometimes felt a bit awkward, but not in the bad way. Now… Now you’re very obviously pretending he is not there, and Seungkwan wants to cry. All of it is his fault. Chan only called to you because of his rambling. I would have called her anyway. I like her. She’s my weird work friend. It’s unbearable. He jumps when Chan drops his fork on his plate with a loud clunk.

I’ll make it up. I can fix this. The eldest doesn’t look up from his meal. Chan wants to rip his own eyes and scream. With her. Inquisitive and tired eyes shoot up. I’m gonna do something about it.

Wha- Wha- Chan, there’s no fixing it, what are you talking about ? She comes to work every day with a bag which I’m sure is full of necessary stuff. You know what that means. I know what that means. She obviously know what that means. There is no fiwing this.

I know, I know. I don’t mean- Deep breathe. I know I can’t fix everything, obviously. But I’m going to apologize to her, and she’ll talk to you. And, well. It’s going to work. Seungkwan shrugs. He says nothing more until he leaves for work.

Chan slumps into the sofa. He’s fucked up big this time. It sucks. He really is a fool. Living one day at a time, he’s lost perspective. He has even forgotten why his life is like that in the first place. How could he be so careless? He’s a fly. Well, all of you are flies. Clearly, you’ve managed to get out the web and he has brought you back into it. Chan’s a fool. He stands up in a sigh, put on his shoes and goes back to the Dreamy Drivin’.

[tirednotflirting]

okay okay okay let's do it. 4, 24, 25, 26, 35, and 39 bc you deserve to be nice to yourself. yes i read the entire list of questions. give me your answers at your leisure love you the most xoxo bella

lol thnk you my love u are Right i just forget that sometimes <3

okie dokie here we go:

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

heck yeah okay RIGHT NOW? okay.

i have been LOVING ! off the wall by @ilovegolden from the very beginning. warped tour au is a god tier au, alright? i love how the whole thing is so romanticized by everyone who was ever involved in it, especially as someone who never got to go it brings me a lot of joy. the characters in this are all so vibrant and bright and i wanna be their best friend and also just give them a hug (and probably a nap and shower lol). the detail in this is so special and carefully crafted like i feel the love in it. i read so little harry fic nowadays like keeping up with this has made me so nostalgic too. really looking forward to where this guy goes :)))

(i stg i’m not kissing ass here) i fucking love daydream jalex (aka right now could last forever (just as long as i'm with you) like quite literally babe it’s my emotional support fic i almost have a ritual of reading this probably once a week. the story telling in this is unreal like you’re sucked into their little world from the first line where they’re throwing fucking cheese at each other. there’s so much history woven into every line like it’s wild i don’t know how you do it. there’s so much love and joy between all the characters and it’s just FUN. this fic really highlights all of the best things about your writing like i could go on for days. <3

lastly, bc i was beginning to reread it the other day, i think i’m going with the one and only britpop malum (orrrr i took a walk with my fame down memory lane (i never did find my way back) by @calumcest) (god helen your url never fails to make me giggle at least a little bit). one of my favorite things about helen’s writing is how fly on the wall i immediately feel in every scene. she shows and tells it all and i can see the lights from the show and heat liam bitching about the band and football and it’s such a good time living inside of her writing for a little while. i’m always going to hold this fic close to my heart i think after spending the entire summer sitting in the doc. (side note - it still kills me that every once in a while after reading this fic i forget the gallaghers are real people ANYWAY.) excited to get caught up on this thing i miss this little world <3

(sorry idk how to provide short answers on Anything :    )

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

see this is hard for me because i know for a fact that there are LOADS of tropes i would never want to write but i’ve read a ridiculous number of them and i’m not necessarily opposed to much (something for everybody, ya know?). i guess like a True enemies to lovers is a little bit lame and hard to do well, imo (i say true bc i almost feel like something like sugar on the asphalt - fucking fantastic and a Classic from @justanchorandhope i must say - could fall into that category except not really though bc grace probably doesn’t have the word enemy in her vocabulary, bless her heart). so okay we’ll go with that bc you probably couldn’t pay me enough to write it and i’m bored of trying to read it (said w love)

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

only if i’m writing songfic tbh! otherwise it confuses my brain. so all too well is still in my on repeat and currently it’s cornelia street (lol i rlly need THAT to go somewhere sdkfsfdjkl). i do have this playlist from when i tried writing this ashton fic last spring that went literally Nowhere but ya know good tunes. (god i came up with the coolest OCs last spring, miss them)

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

oh god basically everything sldkfjsdlk i guess like i kinda just said, i cannot listen to music 95% of the time when trying to write. i wish i could but it would making 3248290x more of a headache and it also usually just gives me other ideas and then i can’t focus on the doc in front of me lol.

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

like more than i could ever even begin to describe, dude. so i’m a stem girl, right? but when i was younger, my creativity was a lot more present and living inside my head and reading and writing little stories was so much fun. there was some kinda switch as i got older and i think those around me started preaching practicality a lot more and like, i was good in science and it was an easy route to a career and heeeeere we are. but it also meant i didn’t get any practice at being creative and i think at some point the jokes about not being good at or being allowed to be creative really got to me? so i just gave up the idea of the ideas i had ever really becoming anything. idk exactly what it was (something mixed into my conversations w helen last spring, probably) that got me to open up a doc one day and give it a shot but jesus christ, i’m so happy i did. writing fic is quite literally the biggest thing that brought me joy and community and some of the kindest souls (like yourself, miss bella) during a year that was set to be potentially pretty shitty. i wasn’t sure how i would be able to make friends in ‘adulthood’ but a creative outlet like this appears to be the answer. it’s also provided me a confidence in myself and my ability to create things that i never knew possible. like you said, i can be pretty mean to myself but like. i’m good at this. and that’s fucking cool. happy to be here.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

ya know that luke/lashton thing i wrote with a single line of dialogue? that. i pride myself on that. fkjsdlkf but really i think i’m pretty damn good at descriptive writing and i kinda dig how it’s become ~my thing~. i like showing rather than telling in my writing i think, it feels like a challenge. lemme talk about a sunset for dayyyyyys i swear i would. 

*

[lavenderlattaes]

i love you. | bts

⇒ summary: you said you love him in the most casual way.

⇒ [ idolverse! au ]

⇒ pairing: bts x reader

⇒ word count: 2.6k words (in total)

⇒ genre: fluff

⇒ warnings: i think a few swear words

⇒ note: this was requested ages ago sksks im sorry anon, i was lost on how i should write this bc I’ve never tried writing reactions before and i think it’s supposed to be in bullet(proof)form but I found myself writing it like this lol. and since we’re celebrating mots:7 and i am absolutely LOVING the new tracks rn, here’s the reaction you request years ago he he. I’ll have to add dividers and other stuff for this later on bc it’s too long but im on mobile rn. ANYWAY ENOUGH TALKING,, ignore mistakes bc im a bit of a blind bat and enjoy!＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

kim seokjin:

You’ve been dating Seokjin for a few months now and you can’t help but fall for him completely. It was hard not to — he made you laugh, he was so selfless, and he fed you with his amazing cooking skills.

The thing is, you haven’t said the three words yet. The three, special words that could — no matter how sweet it may be — either make or break you both.

The boys had just gotten back from recording and you were at their dorms, Jin coming up to you as soon as they entered to plant a gentle kiss to your cheek.

“Hey, love. Let me go wash up then I’ll help you,” he greets, and you smile at him, going back to cleaning the vegetables for dinner.

“Hey, Y/N,” Hoseok greets chirpily and you greet him, as he jumps onto a chair to watch you work.

“How are things with hyung?” He casually starts, placing his head in the palm of his hands as he grins at you. You’re closest to Hoseok, since you grew up with him and he was the one who introduced you to the boys.

“Oh, we’re doing great, he makes me happy,” you admit genuinely and Hoseok smiles. “He makes great food, doesn’t he?” Hoseok asks you and you giggle, nodding.

“Yeah, I love him, he feeds me well,” you sigh happily and Hoseok laughs.

You turn around to grab a bowl from the upper cupboard but groan when you realize you can’t reach it. You’re about to call Hoseok for help when a familiar arm snakes around your waist. You look up and see Jin, a smile on his face as he reaches up to get the bowl for you.

“I love you too, baby.” He replies to your statement earlier, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

min yoongi:

Instead of locking himself up in the studio to work on more songs or in his room to sleep, Yoongi found himself sitting on the couch, tuned in to a show where you were currently guesting on.

You were a famous producer and idol as well, and that’s how the two of you met in the first place. You’ve been dating for quite some time now, and you even went public with your relationship just a month back. The public surprisingly took the news very well, and no wars or issues had happened between your fans.

“So, Y/N, you and Yoongi just went public with your relationship last month, right?” The interviewer begins and you nod, sipping on your water bottle, a soft smile on your face.

Yoongi found himself smiling, turning the volume up just a tad bit. “How are things between you and the fans? Any fan wars going on?” You laugh and shake your head. “There’s definitely none of that,” you begin, “our fans are very nice and have even become friends. Most of my fans started listening to BTS’ music — if they didn’t already —” Yoongi chuckles at the comment, “and Yoongi’s fans have popped up in my feed to comment on how much they love my songs.” You finished.

Yoongi’s smile got wider and he made himself more comfortable as the interview went on. “It’s nice to know that everything’s going well for you both.” The interviewer gushes and you giggle, your laugh, making Yoongi blush from his seat on the couch.

You sure have him wrapped around your finger, huh?

“Yeah, I’m sure my fans love him too,” the words slip out from your lips too soon and Yoongi’s eyes widen. It’s the first time you’ve said you love him, and even if it’s indirect, it still makes his heart race.

“And I love you too, Y/N. So much, baby.” Yoongi whispers, his eyes trained on you until the interview ends, a loving smile on his face.

jung hoseok:

You love dancing, just as much as Hoseok does and that’s how you both met. You’ve been going to the same dance academy since you were a kid, and when you were graduated college, you chose to work at your dance academy.

Hoseok somehow found himself inside your dance academy, where he was supposed to teach a master class for the students there for the next three days. At the time, your artistic director was out of the country to be with some of the ballerinas of your academy who were competing. You were left in charge so you had to attend to Hoseok for the entire time. Somehow, the two of you clicked because of your passion for dance and the rest is history.

“Y/N, where’s Hoseok?” One of the little girls in your class tugged on your sweatpants while you were having a break in the middle of their class. It was no secret to the entire academy that you’re dating the “cool and sunshine teacher” they had a few months back. Everyone absolutely adored him, especially the younger kids who wanted to be like him.

“He has practice too, sweetie. Why do you ask?” You crouch down to her height and she sits down cross legged. At the mention of Hoseok, the other kids join in and form a circle around you.

“Isn’t he coming over?” One kid asks, and they all start nodding and talking over the other. You laugh and get them to settle down. “He’s busy, so I’m not sure,” you tell them and they groan.

“I miss Hoseok hyung. He’s so cool, and I love how he teaches class,” one of the younger boys sigh, hands crossed over his chest. You chuckle at the adorable sight, beckoning him over to give you a hug.

“Yeah, me too, bud.” You reply and the kids gasp. “YOU LOVE HOSEOK?!” They start shouting and running around, repeating the same thing over and over. “Y/N loves Hoseok.”

You shrug and stand up, gathering them back to the center of the studio to continue the class. “Come on, kids. Back to class. If you do well, today, maybe we can have Hoseok teach another class soon,” you say, going over to the speaker to play their song.

“I love you too!” A familiar voice shouts from the back and all of you turn around to see the one and only, Jung Hoseok.

kim namjoon:

You didn’t know how you managed to get yourself strapped to an outdoor rollercoaster, but here you were, with a small camera placed in front of your seat to record the entire ride.

“Why are we doing this again?” You choke out, turning to your band member beside you.

She was calm and collected about the entire thing, and she shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe because the fans wanted us to do this for the live?” You throw your head back, dreading the ride that was going to happen shortly.

“Relax, Y/N. You can do this!” Your maknae tells you from the back and you whine. “I’m the leader, why did I let this happen anyway?”

“Again, because the fans wanted us to do this. They’re watching right now, you know.” The eldest member chirps up and you groan as the rest of your members laugh.

“And you guys just had to put me in the front, huh,” you grumble, just as the ride started to move. You squeal, gripping the onto the handles in front of you. Your members let out whoops of cheers and laughter as the car went up.

You could see the buildings from below and the other rides, especially the rides for the kids. Why didn’t you ride that instead? “Y/N, fighting!” Your members cheer as you scream. The car reaches the top and you gulp, bracing yourself for the drop.

You feel the car tip over dangerously and the moment it drops, you throw your fears away and scream as loud as you can. “Kim Namjoon, if I die, you better know how much I love you!” You scream, completely forgetting you’re being filmed in real time and if he was watching, he just heard you say you love him for the very first time. And even if he didn’t, he’d definitely find out about it soon.

Oh, well. It’s true anyway, and you weren’t concerned about that right now. The ride makes another sudden drop but this time it tilted to your side and you let out another scream. “Mom, mom, mom I wanna go home!” You scream and you’re certain you’ll be met with memes the moment you get off the ride.

If you’re somehow still conscious after the ride.

park jimin:

“Y/N, truth or dare?” Jeongguk plops down beside you on the couch and you tear your eyes away from the show you were watching and raise an eyebrow at him.

“What’s this for?” You ask suspiciously. Jeongguk shakes his head innocently, his eyes glancing at his hyung who was sleeping soundly in your lap.

Your hands subconsciously start playing with Jimin’s hair and he cuddles closer to your stomach.

“Come on, truth or dare!” Jeongguk presses and you sigh. “Truth, because Jimin’s sleeping and I don’t want to disturb him.” You give in and Jeongguk grins.

“Okay, let’s play fast talk,” Jeongguk claps his hands excitedly and you choke on your saliva. “I thought we were playing truth or dare?”

“I change my mind. Answer with yes or no,” Jeongguk adjusts himself on the couch, a mischievous smile on his face.

You sigh. “Fine.”

“Are you tired of hyung?”

You glare at him. “No.”

“Is he clingy?”

“Yes, but I love it.”

“Is he adorable?”

“Yes, what’s with these questions Jeon?”

“Don’t ask. Does he make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.” You stop running your hands through Jimin’s hair when you realize what you said and whip your head to look at Jeongguk. “Y/N, zero. Jeongguk, one.”

You’re about to retort when you’re interrupted. “I love you too,” Jimin mumbles, taking your hand and placing a kiss on your wrist, your cheeks heating up.

“Thanks, Gguk, even though you had to witness us say we love each other for the first time and completely ruin the moment,” Jimin mutters half-asleep.

kim taehyung:

Your eyes scan the comments coming in, looking for a question to answer.

“Where’s Yeontan?” You read. “He’s out with Taehyung right now,” you answer, and your own dog barks up from beside you, making you giggle. You pat your lap and your dog jumps up, appearing in your Vlive as well.

“When’s the next comeback?” You read and laugh, shaking your head. “Can’t tell you that right now, my loves. But expect new music this year,” you wink and your fans go wild in the comments, begging for you to reveal just a little bit more.

“No can do, guys. It’s either I let my love for you prevail or I lose my job,” you say in your most serious tone and your fans start taking back their pleads. Your eyes widen and you wave your hands frantically, giggling at the camera.

“I’m kidding, guys! I’m kidding!” Your dog barks up and you can only assume he’s trying to help you out too.

“Let’s move onto another topic, shall we?” You clear your throat after your laughter dies down and various other questions start filling in.

“Oooh! Yea, let’s play a game!” Your eyes light up and your fans start sending hearts in. “We’ll ask you to list down a number of things in the just twenty seconds,” you read off and grin, nodding.

“Okay, I’ll answer whichever my eyes read first,” you adjust yourself on your chair, stroking your dog’s furry hair as he waggles his tail in content.

“List of things you love,” you read off. “Oh! My family, my dog, my fans, my music, waking up late on my day off, spring, ice cream in the winter,” you pause slightly, and your fans start counting down, making you panic.

5...4...3...2…

“Uh, uh, TAEHYUNG!” You blurt out, just as the number one spams in the comments. For a moment there the comments stop coming in and you’re unsure if the app crashed or your wifi just started to suck.

“THAT’S THE FIRST TIME SHE SAID SHE LOVES TAEHYUNG!” Your eyes land on the comment and everyone starts agreeing.

“Oh, wow, ha ha, look at the time,” your eyes look down to your wrist and you mentally curse to find no watch resting there.

“Bye, guys!” You squeak out and end the live abruptly.

You let out a scream as your cheeks burn with embarrassment. Your dog pokes your hand with his nose and you can only pout at him.

“I’m an idiot, aren’t I?” Your dog stares at you for a moment, before letting out what you assume is a bark of agreement.

jeon jeongguk:

“I have to go on stage now, baby. I’ll see you after our stage, okay? Meet me back here,” Jeongguk kisses your cheek quickly and your cheeks flush, making him giggle.

“Good luck,” you manage to stutter out and he waves cutely, running up to his hyungs who’ve started to head for the stage. Once he turns around the corner, you fan yourself, still not used to his affectionate actions.

“Y/N!” You hear someone call from behind you, and compose yourself before turning around.

You’re met with a camera and some crew, and you assume they’re doing some backstage interview for tonight’s show.

“Hey!” You wave your hand and send hearts toward the camera, knowing how much your fans loved it when you did that.

“How was your stage, tonight?” One of the crew asks and you look up in thought before flashing a bright smile at the camera.

“I had lots of fun, especially because I saw so many of my fans in the crowd today. You guys were especially loud, I hope you didn’t go deaf or something,” you giggle and the crew laugh along with you.

“It must have been tiring, yeah?” They ask and you shrug. “In a sense, yes. But all of that goes away when I see people, not just my fans, enjoying the music I put out for them. I pour my heart into my music so it’s nice to know people appreciate it.” You smile and they nod.

“You love your fans a lot, don’t you?” You nod at the question and they grin. “Who else do you love?” They ask cheekily.

“Oh, that’s easy,” you begin, a surge of confidence coursing through you. You’re sure this is a good enough payback for leaving you flustered earlier.

“Who is it?” They ask innocently and you grin.

“Jeon Jeongguk,” you casually say and the crew whispers excitedly. “Who else would it be anyway?” You add and the crew laughs, nodding.

They ask you to say a few more words about your upcoming album which you happily answer, and they bow in thanks before heading off.

From behind, you can hear the shouts get louder and people congratulating your boyfriend’s group, with special greetings directed towards him.

You turn around and see his confused expression. He sees you and raises an eyebrow and you can only smile back, shrugging as you make your way over to him.

“What was that all about?” He asks after planting a soft kiss to the tip of your nose. You shake your head and grin at him.

“It’s nothing,” you take his hand in yours and you both start walking in the direction you of their dressing room. “Okay,”

He raises an eyebrow at you unsurely.

Oh, he won’t know what’s coming.

[prettyallfriends]

Pretty Rhythm: My☆Deco Rainbow Wedding Chapter 13+14

(I'm weirdly motivated to just churn out a tonne of chapters tonight. I may get 2 more out of the way... Anyway, in chapter 13 we get some Rinne lore and general sadness. In chapter 14 we basically get confirmation that Ayami is in love with Chae-kyung. I got whiplash between these two chapters)

Chapter 13: The Runway Needs a Prism Heart

Mia: Aaaand here we are!!

Penguin-sensei: You insufferable airhead, dragging people along without thinking!!

Mia: People?? What are you saying~? You’re a penguin!

Penguin-sensei: Oh yeah, I forgot for a second! Yes, I am indeed a member of birdkind. I am, and always have been a penguin~ Penpen!... Wait, what are you making me say!?!?

Mia: Woah, now, don’t get mad. Anyways, what’s Rinne doing around here? (It’s a snowy tree ice rink type area)

Penguin-sensei: Geez! Rinne is entering a fashion show here today.

Mia: A fashion show!? Wow, that’s the perfect job for her, huh? I wonder what coord and what persona she’ll be wearing. That’s it! Why don’t you enter the fashion show too, Player?

Penguin-sensei: It’s not that easy to enter!

Mia: Huh really... Then, I have a question for you, Player… Does Rinne really enjoy being all alone?

Choice: She’s probably lonely / I think she’s fine

Mia: You really think so? No matter how much power you have, you’re bound to get lonely if you’re by yourself all the time. And she changes her personality so much, she might forget her true self. Let’s find her and ask her ourselves.

…

Mia: Hm, we still haven’t found her, huh? --??

Rinne: Seven-hued metamorphosis… Change!!! Pop!!! Yaaaay!☆ Today I’m gonna be super poppy and energetic! And I’m gonna work super hard for my fashion show☆

Mia: She’s changed her personality again!? So now she’s pop, huh… Wait a minute, I can’t just space out! Let’s go, Player!! Kaboom!! Excuse us!!

Rinne: Gah! You surprised me~ Oh? What’s wrong, Player?? Ah, I’ve got it! You want to enter the fashion show, right?

Picock: You fiends! What art you doing here!?

Rinne: It looks like Player wants to enter the fashion show too. It's fine, right? Whoo, okay☆

Picock: Poppycock!! Rinne, thou art entering the fashion show alone! Thou art more than enough! You must adorn yourself in the sexy coord next!!

Rinne: Seven-hued metamorphosis… Change!!! Sexy!!! Ehehe♡ Wow, I’m so touched that you came just to visit little ol’ me, Player-chan♡

Mia: And now she’s acting all sexy!?

Picock: As Rinne possess the powers of every variety of coord, she alone is enough to showcase them all. Next… is this coord! Rinne,--

Mia: That’s enough!!

Rinne: Hm…?

Mia: We don’t want to talk to the personas that Rinne uses with her coords… We came here to talk to the real Rinne!!

Rinne: The… real me??

Mia: Rinne, your said that Player has a wonderful heart, right? They use their own original My☆Deco coords. And you both want the Rainbow Wedding. If that’s the case, then fight Player as your true self!

Rinne: Stop it!!! Ugh… the power of the coords is… (she goes back to her normal outfit)

Picock: Rinne’s seven-hued metamorphosis has… reverted!?

Rinne: I… can’t do it.

Mia: Why not!?

Picock: You insolent fool! Thou art going awfully far… In that case, Player, you are to serve as Rinne’s opponent in this fashion show! Fashion a coord that suits your stage, and show us the power of My☆Deco!

Mia: Hell yeah! Player, you need to use your My☆Deco power to open Rinne’s heart!

(prism show yanno the drill)

Mia: Woohoo!!! Your coord and stage were perfect for each other! You didn’t have to change your persona to be able to perform a great prism show!

Picock: How can this be…? How canst thou perform so well without a seven-hued metamorphosis!?

Mia: It’s because Player is in tune with their own heart. My☆Deco is all about decorating your own heart, after all! Changing your persona to match your coord all the time, meanwhile? That's really sad. Rinne needs to realise that.

Rinne: Your own heart… The real me… Aaaaaaah!!!

Mia: Rinne!? Are you okay??

Rinne: I don’t get it… I don’t get it…

Mia: What don’t you get?

Rinne: I… I can’t remember. I can’t remember anything!!

Mia: Huh…?

Picock: Rinne, do not push yourself too hard whilst trying to recover your memories. There is no need to hurry. Once thou can acquire the Rainbow Wedding…

Rinne: ...I’ll remember everything I’ve forgotten?

Picock: Of course.

Rinne: That’s a relief…

Picock: It would be better if you two left for today. Rinne needs to rest.

Mia: But… Won’t she just keep doing her seven-hued metamorphosis? I mean, at this rate she’ll lose more and more of her true self!

Rinne: It’s fine… Don’t bully them, Picock.

Mia: Rinne…?

Rinne: I’m empty. But if I play all these characters… I feel like someone will tell me it’s okay to exist… After all… I’m…

Picock: Rinne, thou must rest.

Rinna: Right…

Picock: Player. If thou wishes to worry Rinne, the least you can do is polish your My☆Deco power first. The child who was chosen by the Rainbow Charm to wield the power of My☆Deco… Perhaps, you might… No, now is not the time for this.

Mia: For what? Now I have to know!!

Picock: Well then, farewell for now.

Mia: They left… Hmm. It feels like we’ve made a step in the direction of Rinne’s secret… But at the same time, her secrets keep piling up… What did Rinne forget? Agh!!! I! Need! To! Know!!!

(sad music still playing. ATARASII HAIR STYLE DE ASOBERU YO!!!! ATARASII KYOKU DE ASOBERU YO!!!!! Ljdkhjkasfj meganee realy knows how to ruin a moment. Anyway im sure it will be a great relief to learn that ive finally gotten my dream hairstyle and hair colour unlocked)

Chapter 14: Writing a Memomemo About the Secret of the Coord

Mia: You seem pretty down, huh Player? I’m pretty concerned about Rinne too, she seemed really sad… When I look at someone making a sad face, I end up feeling sad too… Ah... There’s a cat outside the window. Cats sure are great~ Not like they have anything to worry about. That’s it! Let’s become cats and just purr all day! Now, you do it too, Player! Purr, meow~~~

Ayami: STAND UP, GIIIIIRLS!!!

Mia: AHH!! Stand-up? Or is it stand up?

Ayami: That’s right. Stand up, girls. Memomemomemomemo…

Mia: What the hell, Ayami! I was in the middle of lazing around like a cat!

Ayami: Ah! Cats… A black cat!!! Cats sure are great… And they never have anything to worry about…

Mia: I literally said the exact same thing!

Ayami: Ah… I also want to become a cat.

Mia: Why? Did something happen, Ayami?

Ayami: Um…

Mia: That reminds me, you wanted to participate in Stand Up Girls, right?

Ayami: That’s right. I’m going to form a team with Chae-kyung-san and enter next time.

Mia: That’s cool. You’ll be able to pull off a very celebrity show then!

Ayami: Yes… And I’m happy about that, I’m really looking forward to it… but we decided that I’m going to be in charge of designing our coords.

Mia: But you’re great at designing, right?

Ayami: I really love Chae-kyung, but when I think of the kinds of coords she usually wears… Well, they’re the cream of the crop! They’re out of my league! ...which is what I’ve been thinking as I write memo upon memo upon memo upon…

Mia: Wow… Your notebook's completely full! You won’t thinking of any new ideas like this.

Ayami: I know that. But whenever I think about it… Ugh. Player-san, do your have any good ideas?

Choice: Try to get some inspiration from something around here? / I’ve got nothing

Ayami: Something around here… That’s actually really good advice! Hm…? What are you looking at, Player-san? Oh, Mr. Cat. Look, he’s sleeping with his tummy out, aww. He’s so cute, all relaxed like that. ...Ah!

Mia: Did you think of something!?

Ayami: As expected of Player-san! You wanted me to get inspiration from the cat, didn’t you? I need to learn how to relax my heart just like this cat!

Mia: Is… is that right!?

Ayami: I’ll take a memomemo! I’ve thought of a design! Player-san, could you do a show in the coord I’ve designed? I’ve taken a memomemo of the cute, meowing Black Cat Coord! Hm, that’s right… Powder Snow Park is close by, let’s go there!

(prism show. My nyas?)

Ayami: Amazing! That was a very meowmeow show! Chae-kyung-san will definitely like the coord too…

Chae-kyung: Ayami!

Ayami: Chae-kyung-san! You were watching too?

Chae-kyung: That was a very celebrity show. Ayami and Player are both amazing! With this coord, we’re sure to get a celebrally good result in Stand Up Girls.

Ayami: Ehehe… I’m so happy to hear that. It’s all thanks to Player-san. Carefully thinking things through is important, but freely thinking things through is important too! I’ll make a memomemo of that!

Mia: Wow, Player, you’ve really grown, huh! You gave Ayami design advice, you’re so cool! Your My☆Deco power has to have powered up too, right?

Ayami: According to my memos, by powering up your My☆Deco power… you’ll be able to decorate your prism stones with frames!

Chae-kyung: Being able to create your own celebrity original coords is wonderful!

Ayami: You should try making a lot of new coords with your new ability to add frames. That’s it! If you’re okay with it, why not use this Black Cat Part for your My☆Deco?

Chae-kyung: You’ll definitely be able to make a celebrally cute coord!

Mia: Now that your My☆Deco has powered up, you’ll be able to enjoy prism shows a lot more! The Gold Spiral Cup is coming up soon, too. Work hard up until then!

Chae-kyung: We’re also going to work celebrally hard at the Gold Spiral Cup!

Ayami: Player-san, thank you so much!

(naur bc why did google drive keep autocorrecting chae-kyung to chase-kyung. bitch who tf is chase-kyung. maybe chase-kyung is her mechas car transformation idk)

[ziracona]

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!