#like they look older even though theyre the same age as her due to having a healthier development
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grassoftunnel · 2 months ago
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sadsoftserve · 10 months ago
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Okay time to dump info because I need a place to keep things 'straight' so I remember stuff about my multiple AUs upon AUs.
So I'm just gonna write shit and hope y'all pick it up.
The Salia Kids (Second Gen au)-
Jasper and 'Vee' are half-siblings with the same donor. Vee is 13, Jasper is 16. Both were concerned with sperm donors.
They are both on 9th grade (Jasper got held back, Vee got pushed forward) and have a rivalry on par to Sabrinas and Sylvies (they have mellowed out tho) Vees mom is Sabrina, while Jasper is Dalias. Jasper was named after Dalias younger brother, who's name is also Jasper. Vees name is Victoria Lila Kalmeren-Ashling the lll, because every first female born into Sabrinas family has the same name.
Vee is a child genius, taking a keen interest in computer science and technology. She likes making things, and with her Epithet: Imagine, it makes things very easy.
Jasper has yet to get one (I haven't gotten around to it) Jasper is Academically challenged in some way, however he can be very smart under pressure. Vee is the exact opposite of this. Jasper is secretly a Banzai Blaster, and while he thinks it's a secret, everyone knows except Sabrina.
Their relationships with their mothers varies. Vee has a great relationship with both of them, while Jasper is going through a rebellious streak and completely disregarding anything Sabrina says. This pisses her off to no end.
Dalia on the other hand, loves her children very much, and will die for them. (Sabrina will too, she's just too damn stubborn to admit it.)
King siblings(Second Gen Au)-
Amber and Liam are siblings, Amber being older at 14 years of age, and Liam being 9. They have that classic sibling relationship, y'know the one.
Liam is in 4th grade, and is 70% deaf in both of his ears. He wears hearing aids that help a ton, but can shut you up by just turning them off. He does that a lot. He's a very smarmy little shit, and not afraid to speak his mind. He's great at sports, and is tall for his age (9yrs old and 5'0 tall) he does take after Parker more than Micah, he has a strong sense of justice along with that classic King bluntness.
Amber is in 9th grade, and is a total band geek. Micah taught her how to play three different instruments when she was younger, and they have stuck with her. Unfortunately she takes after her Dad a bit too much, because she is the most awkward and dorkiest girl ever. She, just like her father, is considered a loser by the popular kids.
Ambers Epithet is Tune. This is also partly why she is very talented in music. Liam is a Mundie, as of right now, he does not know if he will get an Epithet, both of his parents are mundies, so the chances are low.
Both are half-Jewish due to Micah. They celebrate both holidays because Parker said: "Every child should celebrate with their parents, no matter what." Even though she doesn't talk to her parents.
The family is very well rounded and healthy. Of course there is an argument here and there, but overall nothing too bad.
Both kids have a different reaction to Percy though... Amber admires her great aunt (I think that's what she would be here) and looks at her work as an inspiration to keep going. Liam thinks she's boring, unfun, and too monotone. He has told her this to her face.
Bonnie's kids (Second Gen Au)-
Bonnie is Aroace, however that did not stop her from having kids. Even if they're not biologically related to her. She adopted twins, both of Deepwood race, and looks at them like theyre her own flesh and blood.
I haven't yet designed them, but both are great at roller skating and frequently work at Bonnie's pawn shop with her. Their names are, Amera and Armen, both are 9 years old, and... Just extensions of Bonnie.
Bonnie is a cigarette mom, most def. But she hides it when she can. It's a bad habit. Her go-to apology is asking if they want to get a fountain from the gas station. They immediately forgive her.
(they are still being developed)
Now onto the Age up AU, and spitballing :3
Micah and Parker (Age up AU)-
The healthiest relationship you will ever see. Both are working adults, and they make time for each other. They've been together since their late sophomore year, and are still growing strong.
When they found out they were expecting. They were completely happy. Until Micah started overthinking (like he always does) and started to freak out.
Until he turned to FRED of all people who just told him "Dude, I'm not good at this either! I'm just winging it!" And they freaked out together.
Blaire (@arospecbandgeek OC's go check em out) starts giving unsolicited advice to both of them, until Parker breaks down in tears because she thinks shes doing terrible. Blair has yet to apologize for this.
Sabrina and Dalia-
Another healthy relationship! Except Dalias ever growing anxiety at the fact her wife creaks like a 60yr old woman and is somehow WORSE than when she was younger.
Sabrinas ready to die at this point, she never expected to live this long.
Both have issues. Both love each other. Both girls :3
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meiko3323 · 5 months ago
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Julien (Chiovreuse kiddo)
ok full disclosure - i actually dont know how i feel abt the final colours, i think i may have overcooked my boi a bit QQ chiefly the bottom "flames" part of his kimono (which turned into like grass or sth), and his sunset gradient socks. PLEASE lmk if its downright terrible and what would look better instead, im at a bit of a loss đŸ˜”â€đŸ’«
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alright, now to transcribe+ elaborate on my chicken scrawly design notes:
- he is left-handed! and thus the fingers of his right hand have bandages covering numerous cuts/ nicks from his needlework (oof i notice i forgot to flip the J in this closeup and its bugging me now QQ)
- he has the same embroidered arm band as Max, except w a (teyvatian) J and as you may guess, he is the redacted friend that made it
- he wears his vision around his neck like a choker pendant thing
- the kimono design is meant to be a zig-zag of pressed rainbow roses
- wears his right sleeve loose and left sleeve rolled up, and held in place by a rope that loops around these shoulder buttons (i rly did miss a letter in diamonD smh)
- the bottom part of his outfit is meant to be a pleated skort* ik i wrote shorts but it looks like a skirt anyway, so mb the middle ground is what it is
- the golden yellow ribbon on his back is tied into a rabbit, and he has a similar, smaller one on the front
- and finally, a pic of young Julien, from before he started wearing a mask to hide his buck teeth
and finally some lore!
Name: Julien (or Jules for short)
Pronouns: he/ him
Vision: Pyro
Weapon: catalyst
About Julien (childhood):
Jules was interested in fashion from an early age. Chiori used him to model her various designs, and it is through this process that he zeroed in on his more Inazuma-style attire, preferring it to the more constricting Fontaine garb. when he got older he even started sewing his own clothes.
though Chevreuse has her hands full catching criminals, she did take time to teach Julien some self-defense and how to handle a musket. but being a much less confrontational person than his parents, he dislikes using force to solve his problems. also, being very compassionate, Julien fears he will hurt the other party if he retaliates. instead he rolls with the punches and bottles up his pain.
About his mask:
Julien was born with very prominent front teeth, and was relentlessly bullied by his peers for this. he took to covering them up with bandanas and scarves, and eventually made himself a mask. he never leaves the house without it, and only takes it off while eating. as a consequence, Julien also doesnt like eating in front of other ppl/ strangers
Least favourite food:
Juliens young tormentors would among other cruel things, throw carrots at him while chanting for him to eat them. as such, hes developed a strong aversion to this vegetable. his parents of course accomodate this dietary choice, and will omit carrots from his dishes.
About Julien (hobbies):
under Chioris diligent tutelage, Julien masters all aspects of clothes-making, but has a particular affinity to embroidering. he even made arm bands for Max and [REDACTED] as a token of their friendship.
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and thats it for the introductory lore drop for Jules! i didnt realize till actually writing it all out how very close he is with Chiori, Chevvy barely got a mention lol. theyre not at odds or anything! but due to the nature of his interests and talents, he bonds w Chiori more.
and ofc i had to tease my 3rd child in a redacted mention 😉
oh, id like to include a footnote about how i picked Juliens name cuz its kinda incredible how well it lined up. so here was my process: im like ok, hes the son of a fashion designer and himself has interest in that, lemme name him after a famous couturier. *google list of couturiers, open the wiki page* hm no.. no.. nah.. ooh Julien, i had an old coworker i liked named Julian (w an A tho), how abt that? *click to that wiki page* turns out before getting into fashion bud went to uni for biology/ medicine! and Jules is a healer! also his last name means like furnace or sth and Juliens element is pyro. i must emphasize, these are all aspects of him i worked out BEFORE choosing his name. isnt that crazy? its like the universe aligned for me to make this boi 😾
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heyitsyn · 4 years ago
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Forgive Me
a/n: this was a request and an angsty one
im so sad theyre banning tiktok!!! :(
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anon request:  okok haikyuu hcs part 2: oikawa’s the reader’s best friend because their moms were also best friends but they went to different kindergarten + elementary schools so imagine how excited they were to go to kitaichi together,, anyway reader is the manager (again) but also functions as a really skilled medic,, (oh yea they start dating in second year) anyway they hit third year and reader protects bb kags,, so they break up. fast forward and reader is now in another school (either in miyagi/tokyo)
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part 1.5
part 2
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requests open!!!
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oikawa torup in da house
so in this one,
yall are the iconic childhood friends
for the sake of this headcanon, hes an only child
so to explain
your mothers were actually college friends and became best friends and were so close that they decided to live next door to each other and have a child around the same time
also to mention, their husbands were also best friends and a few matchmaking rituals, they all got married
omg i want a friend to do this w me
it worked and they got pregnant and imagine their surprise when one was expecting a boy while the other was expecting a girl
they were already planning yall wedding before you were even born lmao
due to the closeness of your mothers, ofc yall would be best friends and you and oiks practically grew up w each other
every friday night was your night so sleepovers happened all the time
however, when yall were starting to go to school
you both ended up in different schools
dont ask me why ask your mom
oiks was throwing a tantrum and just crying bc you would be separated while you were just clinging on to him, thinking he would disappear
‘no! n/n-chan and me are going together! im not going if shes not!’
‘now, now, tooru, youre both going to be apart for only a few hours’
‘mommy i dont want to leave tooru-kun’
‘youll walk home together, baby’
i would cry too
so yall developed a routine that tooru would go to your school to pick you up and you guys would walk home together
again, explain to me how little 6 year olds are able to walk to and from school
he would always hold your hand to keep you beside him and you would swing your hands while humming a tune
‘ugh, i hate being so far away from you n/n-chan’
you sighed but gave him a bright grin
‘i do too. but we have to wait until we’re older so we can be together forever! mommy tells me that her and papa were not together for a long time but after school, they are now together forever. so once we finish school, i can be with you whenever i want!’
tooru nodded, a determined smile on his face
‘we’re going to be like mommy and papa. we will be together forever and we’ll have our own house and we’re going to die together!’
bls theyre like 6 and already practically thinking about marriage and they dont even know it
sometimes, if you both have leftover money, you would both go to a convenience store, Sakanoshita Market, and buy milk bread
‘mister, you dont have anymore?’
‘sorry, kid, now go on and have real dinner!’
you both lived in each other’s houses and sometimes, your parents would even wonder if they have a child bc you would disappear off to the oikawa’s house or the l/n’s
when he met iwa, ngl, you were jealous
even though you have the best friends rights due to being friends since day 1, you were still worried about being replaced
ofc oiks knew about that concern and kept you from being left out so he constantly dragged you to play with him and iwa
they developed an interest in volleyball and you wanted to hang out with them so you sometimes tossed the ball to tooru who would set it to iwa
whenever they wanted to do something else, you would always suggest going on an adventure
meaning going to the park
uwu kids are so cute
your little trio formed and soon, you three were the closest
despite going to different elementary schools, you still found ways to hang out together
however,
instead of you being jealous of being cast aside by oiks
it was him being worried that he was going to be replaced by iwa
it became apparent when iwa mentioned about going over to your house on friday to study something 
and tooru is petty so he was mad that you didnt invite him
there was no way he was going to let iwa take you from him bc he knew you first and he was the first one to announce his intention of getting married to you in the future
he was yours and you were his, plain and simple
he went to your house unannounced and used his key to enter the house
your mom peaked from the kitchen and greeted him
‘oh, hello, tooru-kun! y/n is upstairs studying’
he nodded and went up to your room where you were reading some notes while doing some homework
‘y/n-chan’
you looked up to him standing at your doorway
your eyes lit up and your cheeks flared to see him
bahahaha yes feelings
‘tooru-kun!’
his face crumpled up and he tackled you, hugging the life out of you tightly
‘y/n-chan! dont leave me! youre mine, not iwa-chans! im better than iwa-chan, okay?!’
ofc you were just confused but tooru was weird and youve learned to accept that over the years
‘tooru, we’ve been friends longer. i’ll always be yours and youre mine too so youre always going to be first’
he was all teary eyed when you said that and demanded cuddles and a movie after making him run all the way from iwa’s house
‘but i didnt ask you to, though’
‘you were still the reason i had to run so take responsibility!’
he might be a handful but he was oikawa tooru and you love him otherwise
( ͥ° ͜ʖ ͥ°)
as yall were settled and the beginning of e.t begins
baby oikawa was absolutely in love with that movie fite me
he asked you why you didnt invite him to study with iwa
you stopped and looked at him confusingly
‘tooru-kun, youre good at science aren’t you? iwa’s this 👌 close to failing just bc he mixes up solid, liquid, and gas’
this is a random fact that i made up so pls dont blast me about this !!!
oikawa stops then just doubles over laughing 
‘ohmygod! iwa-chan!’
yall know that arm wrestling video and his stage actor just yelling out iwa-chan? yes im imagining that
you looked at tooru weirdly
‘hm, laughing over your friend’s demise, okay’
needless to say, oiks called you during lunch and sounded like he was running and it was bc he was being chased by haji-kun after he made fun of him
‘ugh y/n! why did you tell him that!’
‘i mean,,,, its pretty embarrassing’
now comes middle school!!!
!!!!
yall are finally able to be in the same middle school as your friends!!!
you were so excited and you wouldnt shut up about it bc youve been looking forward to the day that yall get to be together everyday
not that you didnt have friends in your old school,
you just preferred being with the guys since you werent into the girly things yourself
and you get to see tooru everyday since he was in your class
oiks and iwa immediately wanted to join the volleyball club and they were soon accepted so it was only normal for you to be in practice a lot
you didnt join a club since none really interested you so it was okay for you to go the gym and do your homework while they practice
there was no choice on staying either since you usually walked home with them since oiks lived next door and iwa hung out at either your place or his
the current manager of the team noticed your friendship and frequent appearances so she asked you to be the manager rather than just being there
you didnt really have a choice bc oiks agreed for you and excitedly told you that you were going to be with them for the next 3 years
‘everyone! thank you for the past 3 years!’
hehe i just died inside
tooru was so happy that you would be in volleyball bc that was two favorite things lumped into the best 3 hours of his life: volleyball and you
so thus started your managerial duties
you became friends with the team but was closer to the first years
you quite literally watched them grow into amazing volleyball players and you sometimes cried along with them when they either got hurt or lost
specifically during the shiratorizawa match
it was then that you were sure of your feelings for your best friend
as he wept in the locker room, you stayed by the door, unsure if you should go in or not
but the others have gone to the bus already and iwa wanted you to go and get oiks ready so they could leave
so, you entered the room and your heart dropped, not even noticing the nasty smell of sweat in the boys locker room
he was hunched over the bench, a towel over his head
sure, he was just a first year and he has more opportunities to win
but it was the first time oiks experienced such a loss
and that smug look that ushijima gave him as he sat on the floor
you saw the defeated look as you stood with the coach at the bench
rushing forward and kneeling in front of him, you hugged him tightly
he cried, both defeated and embarrassed, but he didnt let go
it was then that you vowed to be there for him whenever this happens
every loss, every defeat, youll be there
it was painful and you had a feeling that this crush on him would make it harder in the future but you didnt care
bc tooru looked the most beautiful when he smiled
by now, second year has started
youve obviously noticed that your now second year friends are working much harder
and they were gaining more popularity
bc this was the age where puberty starts hitting everyone and lets just say god decided to bless the volleyball team
it shouldnt have surprised you that they were going to be known in the school or prefecture bc they were talented and handsome
perfect recipe for a dream boy
what was only a confession every few weeks or so, turned into nearly a dozen in a WEEK
dw you got some too!!
as a manager, you knew it was going to be a hard job being the only female in a team full of boys
but you didnt expect it to be this bad
girls would corner you in every hallway, outside or inside, to either give you their love letters to oikawa or to threaten you to stay away from their grand king
lmao king okay
and dw, you told them to catch you outside by chipotle after school but they didnt show up
that nickname seemed to get into oikawa’s ego as he told you about his love for that term
as you three walked home, oikawa was telling you about this one girl who called him her king and he giggled at the thought
‘she told me that she wanted to be my princess! but i told her i was a king so she should settle for a prince like iwa-chan’
you laughed at iwa’s angry face
‘shittykawa why am i downgraded?! you think youve above me or something?!’
‘PRINCE IWA-CHAN! HAIL PRINCE IWA-CHAN!’
you howled causing iwa to glare at you
‘not you too y/n!’
you were laughing so hard that your face was red and it got worse when iwa gave you a noogie
but little do you know, oikawa was looking at you at the side, trying to gauge your reaction
you didnt seem to be bothered at the fact that some girl wanted him to be theirs
that was why he frequently told you about his confessions
tooru wanted to know if you still felt the same about him being always yours by telling you stories about the girls and if you were jealous or not
but you remained indifferent and just laughed along
however, you WERE jealous but you didnt show it
youre like ‘im a bad bih you cant kill me’
with all these much prettier girls and talented girls than you, you were sure he would find somebody else
as long as he was happy and smiling, you were going to be just fine
again, another PSA! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT BC YOU ARE THE KWEEN TO GRAND KING TOORU AND YOU RULE THE WORLD BC YOU ARE A BAD BIH AND YOU WILL NOT BE KILLED BY INSECURITIES!!
tooru was lowkey hurt about you blushing with iwa and not being bothered about the threat that was looming in the distance
so he practiced more, slightly regreting now that you were in the team
he was being an insecure little bean again and suddenly hes thinking that you and iwa seem to be interacting more (even though you werent) and he was being jealous and this caused him to be slightly more irritated
with all of his practicing, he ends up hurting himself more often like bruises and such
that worried you deeply bc he was practicing too much and pushing himself way too hard and you knew he would combust any moment now
this energy seeped into the others and theyve begun to be more intense during practice and you were sure they were wearing themselves out
youve expressed your concern to the coach about the bruises on their skin and their wincing at every movement
‘the solution to this, y/n-chan, is to study about this and be the medic that helps heal our soldiers’
with that request, youve started taking more trips to the library, staying up late reading medical articles, and buying pain relievants and medical tape
this was when you decided you wanted to be a sports therapist or an injury related profession in the future
so you were obviously prepared when you caught oiks practicing late again
you were actually stocking up some medical supplies when you were passing by the gym and found it still open with lights
he was practicing those damn service serves again and you were starting to get irritated when he didnt listen to you about not pushing himself too hard
‘tooru-kun, lets go home’
your voice resounded from the loud sounds of the balls hitting either the floor or wall
he gritted his teeth
‘i need to do this. i need to be strong enough to beat ushijima. i need-’
‘tooru-kun, let’s go home’
(reference)
but he didnt listen to you and spiked once more but he didnt land back on his feet
but on his knee
tooru made a sound of pain
your heart started beating really fast and you busted out your bag that had emergency supplies
tooru saw you kneeling beside him and for a second, the pain subsided and he was only focused on you
the way your stray hairs from your bun framed your face and the delicate eyes that were so focused on bunching up your kita jacket and using it to elevate the sprained knee
‘ice. i need ice’
you kept mumbling and was about to stand up but his hand flies to clutch your arm
‘y/n-chan, please dont leave me’
‘but its going to swell-’
‘i dont care. i need you right now so dont leave me alone’
you stared at each other, one slightly irritated while one was begging
‘i told you that you were going to hurt yourself if you push too far and look where you are’
‘but it hurts and i need affection to cool it down’
‘N O, tooru, what you need is proper treatment’
‘cuddles are considered treatment, you know’
‘we’re literally in the middle of the gym-’
‘i dont care’
he gave you those puppy eyes and you harshly looked away to the side
then you sighed before sitting down behind him and holding him in your arms
he was content with your affection and your familiar cherry blossom perfume engulfing his senses
his back was rested against your front uncomfortably while your arms were around his middle where his fingers played with your hands
it was silent for a moment except for his occasional hisses of pain but he decided this might be the time
at this point, he was hurt already so he doesnt care if youd reject him since the pain in his knee would cover the pain of his heart
hes like 14 what he poetic and deep for
‘ne, n/n-chan’
‘hm’
‘go out with me?’
your arms tensed and he squeezed his eyes shut, prepared for the rejection
‘only if you stop doing these late practices bc i want to have dates with you after school’
oml oikawa was so happy
like so happy that he just turns around excitedly and hugs you, competely forgeting about the pain in his knee
‘omg tooru your knee!’
‘ow! ugh!’
so thus began your relationship
anon, im very reluctant to make this fluff to angst
he stuck to his word of not going too far with his late practices and yall often had dates at the park, the convenience store, or just at home
ofc it wasnt everyday but it was close to it
everything was great in the world bc you had your best friend as your boyfriend and he made you so happy
during the summer, you began being an apprentice to your uncle’s clinic to further advance your knowledge in the medical field
that meant less time to spend with tooru which meant sulky tooru
this often caused arguments between you two since he always brought it up
‘n/n-chan, i miss you!’
‘i miss you too, tooru-kun. but i have to continue this so that i can be a better medic for the team!’
‘but i matter more than the team! n/n-chan!’
that was his problem. he thought that now you were dating, youd be revolving him 24/7 and he was everything you thought about
but you still had a life to live and prepare for
you sighed before sitting next to tooru on the floor
‘i finish at 2. then we can go get some milk bread and hike up that trail in time to see the sunset. sound good?’
that made him brighten up and you were dreading of repeating this same cycle again in a few days
but you actually liked this boy and even could say you love him despite his clingy and slightly obsessive personality
when your third year rolled around, oikawa was finally the captain of the team
you were now on the hunt of another manager to take over for next year but so far, its been hard
theyve all been fascinated by the boys, especially oikawa, making it a hard task
during the practice, you notice that tooru has been different
to the others, he was fine
but to this one student, kageyama tobio, he was cold
harsh, even
it wasnt like him to treat his kouhais like that so you were confused and obviously worried for a player on your team
you pulled him aside one day and you asked him what was going on
‘tooru, why are you being mean to kageyama?’
he just smiled, but it was much more different
like a whole different smile youve never seen
‘hes the first setter ive met who is an underclassman. im just trying to toughen him up and shape him to his potential’
but you crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow
‘by criticizing every single movement he makes like breathing? by constantly embarrassing him in front of the others? by isolating him from everyone else?’
his eyes twitched and his grin got wider as he gently held your hands
‘we’ll talk about this later, n/n-chan, kay? now, i need to get back to practice as captain and you can continue being the manager’
to be honest, you were kinda pissed
‘no, tooru. you need to stop-’
‘y/n? stop it. this is a stupid thing to argue about so drop it’
boi watch yo mouth
but you didnt push further to not make a scene so you went to kindaichi and gave him his bottle and a towel to kunimi
it was tense between you and oikawa for the next few days
the team could pick up on the weird energy but refused to say anything because hello you were their mom and oikawa was their captain
but iwa didnt care so he straight up asked yall as you were taking spiking notes
‘oi y/n, shittykawa, did you argue or something? its kinda tense in here’
the entire team froze and even the coach looked between you two
lmao i love the coach
‘hm, y/n-chan and i just disagreed on something, didn’t we, y/n-chan?’
oikawa turned and gave you a grin
to others, it wouldve looked real and so convincing
but to you, you knew it was fake
thinking back on it, you shouldve known that was the beginning of his new persona
whenever you pointed it out, he would deflect and you wouldnt stop until he told you what was going on resulting more fights bc he was not doing his vital share in this relationship: communicate
‘tooru, listen to me!’
‘no, y/n-chan. im busy so later’
then it became like that
‘later, y/n-chan’
‘after this spike’
soon after, it felt like you didnt even have a boyfriend anymore
even iwa was starting to notice something weird since oiks was doing this to him too
he was distant, focusing too much time on volleyball which took a toll on his health
and he was getting angrier at tobio for unknown reasons
but these reasons soon came to light when that unfortunate day came
you were waiting for oikawa to finish up his practice so you could also pack up the balls and go home
iwa was already packing up to leave so it was only you oikawa and tobio remaining in the gym
youve talked to kageyama about tooru before and you encouraged him to ask oiks how to serve bc he was really good at it
today he was asking again but you already knew that he was going to refuse him like he has before
but you didnt see this coming
you saw him start to raise his hand with this manic look in his eyes and your eyes widened, running full speed towards kageyama
nYOOM
we finna change this up so buckle up babes
instead of kageyama, you pushed him aside so you took the hit
the force and the intensity of the slap was equivalent to the ones he used to his serves causing you to fly to the floor
you were breathing heavy, tears threatening to fall from the throbbing pain on your face, yet you didnt move
then your head turned to look at kageyama before giving him a nod and a smile
‘g-go to iwaizumi, tobio. he’ll take you home, kay?’
he looked unsure, looking between you and oikawa but your long blink and small smile told him that you would be okay
he ran to the exit and disappeared from view
it was now just you and oikawa
on the other hand, he remained frozen
he didnt know if he should grovel on his knees or cry to forgive him
‘n/n-chan-’
‘dont’
in all the years youve known each other,
from the very beginning in your diapers,
youve never spoken to him in such anger, venom, and hurt
‘dont say another word to me. dont apologize to me. i did what a normal person would do and protect an innocent child from something he doesnt deserve. he was just a child, tooru’
you stood up, eyes still not meeting his, instead focusing on his taped fingers that used to hold your hands with such gentleness and touch you so softly
‘what happened to you, tooru?’
you whimpered, arms wrapping around yourself
he was lost
he didnt know what to do
he had his own tears falling and he stepped forward in instinct to go to your arms but you flinched and backed away
that caused him to sob before throwing himself on the floor in front of you
‘y/n, please. y/n forgive me. i didnt mean to! please, y/n!’
part of you wanted to think that he was just so stressed out for the incoming interhigh that he wasnt thinking straight
but you knew you were just making excuses
this relationship started falling apart the moment you started your third year and you were just trying to hold it together
it was like holding water on your palms yet ignoring the water that was spilling on the side
you can only ignore it for a short while until eventually, the water is not there anymore and youre suddenly asking yourself, ‘where did it go?’
and now youre asking yourself, where did you go wrong?
was it your fault?
‘tooru, for months, ive made excuses for you. many times ive tried to sort out our problems, yet you always made excuses to not talk about it. it takes two to dance in a relationship yet it feels like im just dragging you in circles. we’re going in circles, tooru!’
he looked up at you, slowly standing on his feet with hands hovering over your shoulders, afraid to touch you
‘i can make this right, y/n. forever, right? you promised me years ago that we’d be together forever! we would get married a-and live together and be like mom and papa, right?!’
you choked back a sob at his face
he looked like someone else
he wasnt your tooru
he was the oikawa tooru that held you as you tried to walk
the one that pulled you back up to bed when you rolled off
the one who purposely tripped himself during your first year when you slipped so that you wouldnt be embarrassed in front of everyone
this was a selfish, jealous, tooru
the same look he gave you when he found out that you were studying with iwa without him
‘you hated tobio because he was a good setter, right? you were jealous and scared that he would take your place? was that it, tooru?’
that was then he really realized that you were the only one who could read him like you were reading a book
a single glance and you knew right away
and you calling him out on it allowed him to figure out why he truly didnt like tobio
and it was embarrassing that you said it out loud
and when oikawa tooru was embarrassed or flustered, he deflects
and it usually ends up badly
‘jealous? dont make me laugh!’
he scoffed while you glared at him
‘then what was it, then tooru? why did you do that, huh? because by the way youre acting right now, youre nothing but a green-filled monster. man, you seriously their captain?’
‘shut up, y/n!’
his personality took a whole 360 and you stepped back, scared he would lash out again
‘you dont know anything! you dont know how its like to feel second place from that bastard ushijima. you dont know how its like to feel threatened that your own kouhai could possibly be better than you. you dont know how it feels like to not feel enough no matter how many hours you practice or serves you hit. you dont know anything, y/n-chan’
he hissed and you shook your head in disbelief
‘so to satisfy your own insecurities, you hurt and put down others just so you could feel better about yourself. that just proves you are no longer the tooru i know.’
‘well i dont need you, then!’
you were taken aback by his shouts, composure now broken
‘im not him anymore so you either take whats in front of you or leave!’
at his suggestion, you narrowed your eyes
‘dont make me say my choice because you already know what im going to say’
despite knowing youd say that, part of him still wanted you to at least stay
but he was hurt and he wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt him
‘then leave! i dont need a distraction in my life anymore! you no longer satisfy me! so go!’
the tears now fell and you opened your mouth to say something but you closed it, replacing it with a sob
you bit your lip to compose yourself and swallowed that lump on your throat
‘fine. we’re done, oikawa tooru. and im sorry if i was a distraction to you for the entire 15 years of life we spent together. i can assure you that you will no longer have to put up with me’
then you left
nyoom?
you tried not to think about it bc you were only 15 and you were young so this wouldnt be the last time youd feel love
but not only did you lose a boyfriend, but you lost your best friend
and this is when you realized that best friends are only meant to be best friends
nothing more, nothing less
your parents knew nothing of what transpired and blamed your bruise at running into something bc you didnt want to strain the friendship your mother and his had if they found out her son hit you
family dinners were awkward and your parents kept asking until theyve just figured out that you were fighting
for the rest of your lives
iwa didnt know either
you made kageyama swear to you that he wouldnt say anything and you were relieved that it wasnt his business to say anything to someone else anyways
it was a secret that remains between the three of you
all was known was that you and oikawa broke up and you acted like he wasnt even there
if you had a problem, you went to iwaizumi since he was the vice captain
other than that, you no longer interacted with oikawa
it was an obvious thing that you wouldnt go to seijoh and your families were confused, wondering what the heck happened
‘y/n? youve wanted to go with tooru to seijoh since you were younger so what changed?’
‘people change’
tooru changed
instead, you went to karasuno
it was a suggestion from the guy in the milk bread store after you expressed your dilemma of finding a high school
‘karasuno’s right up there, kid. it’s not that far of a walk, right?’
‘i guess youre right’
during your first day of high school, you were shutting the gate when you saw iwaizumi and oikawa by his door
iwaizumi raised a hand in greeting and you smiled at him before walking down the road
‘i still wont force you to tell me but just know, you either fix it or get over her’
iwaizumi cautions tooru who kept his eyes on your slowly getting smaller figure
‘but i cant fix it this time’
you disassociated yourself from volleyball for the rest of years until a good friend of yours, kiyoko, asked you to help her manage the boys
she asked you to just help her out during your last year and you agreed since shes done a lot of things for you over the years
‘we have a practice match with aoba johsai on tuesday so you think you can come then?’
you froze, not knowing what to say
but its been years and you no longer cared
besides, you still felt protective towards one of your former baby chicks kageyama and him being there with that guy worried you
so you agreed
on your way there, kageyama stuck close to you since you were the only one he trusted there
‘are you okay with this, y/n-san?’
you squeezed his arm with a smile
‘it’s okay, tobio. besides, iwa told me that kindaichi and kunimi are there and i miss them so’
the boys and you started unloading their bags and kiyoko asked you to go and fill their bottles in case
the gray-haired setter, you knew as sugawara koushi, accompanied you to carry them so you were filling them up as he held the container of empty bottles
‘the boys are going to be good, you know. and dont worry about kageyama. hes extremely talented and we could win easily’
you gave him a reassuring smile and he nodded
‘i have faith in our firs-’
‘y/n’
a voice from behind you made the hair on your arms stand and you saw him there
he was shocked to see you there bc last thing he knew from iwa, you no longer had anything to do with volleyball
but here you were, in his castle, with an unknown person beside you
suga noticed your tense form and placed the box on the floor
he put a hand on your shoulder and made you face him
‘you know him, y/n?’
but you only gave oikawa one more look
‘no. not anymore’
oikawa screamed
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yall that one last line is not relevant to the story but i put it there since someone pointed out that oikawa was always screaming and i thought that was a funny comment
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jubberry · 4 years ago
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oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.
thanks el i love you
Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.
fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol
1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.
so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.
Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.
2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭
Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.
Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.
I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.
I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).
I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.
Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!
3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!
horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:
1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😱 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.
2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.
I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol
3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol
alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.
1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.
2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).
In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).
Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.
3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.
Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).
The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).
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felismiscellaneous · 4 years ago
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Casonverse Expo
ok so after you see this you Cannot save it. the whole thing about the casonverse is that its solely “oral” and memory based. i cannot write down “rules” to it or anything. this post Will be lost to time and youll just have to deal with that
ok so. we begin. our story. w/ an explanation on how ectobiology has been going on earth c. basically, every once in a while to increase genetic diversity, a babeh between two of the original founders is created randomly, and said founders get to decide if they want to adopt that babeh or not.
now its been a very very long time on earth c and all of these bitches are immortal. yep. every single one. even the non godtiers, they get an immortality boon for winning the game. you know whats also a boon? all of the players getting revived. yep. every single one. because this is my au and i can do what i want.
anyways as i was saying basically at some point a babeh between john and karkat is made and this time theyre like “yeah ok well adopt this one” SO. they be goin there. and the ONE TIME they decide this is the right time the baby is fuckin BROKE. the internal organs of trolls and humans dont mesh very well when the genes are combined in the ectomachine, and this baby is basically just dying very slowly. this baby isssss Casey! well, shes not named that by her parents, but well just call her Casey for now.
john and karkat do their fuckin best to keep this thing alive but her tiny baby body is completely dysfunctional. and doesnt last very long. This is Traumatizing for Everyone Involved. anyways!! a pretty long time after that we have Cason and Jones. they were spawned at the same time. Jones is rose and kanayas horrible ectospawn, and Cason happens to be another equally horrible spawn between john and karkat! they decide to adopt this one, and fortunately it lives. This was Their First Mistake.
but before we get into Cason, lets get into Jones. Jones is,,,, very socially awkward. in fact, she often comes off as creepy to everyone else. this makes her very clingy towards her mothers, who arent That terrible at parenting. theyve got quirks, but theyre good for her. Jones doesnt really have any friends, except this Totally Cool and Not at All Dangerous cult she gets dragged into! this is the second secret shes ever kept from her mothers. the first is that shes the one who keeps bringing snails into the house. Jones likes snails, but shes not good at taking care of them. she just keeps bringing them into the house and feeding them her snack. her snack is rat poison. snails like and digest rat poison safely. snails! she likes them.
ALSO APPARENTLY SHE CAN SEE GHOSTS???? yeah lets get into that. see, Casey becomes a Regular Ghost after she dies. not a dream ghost, just a plain ol ghost. and anyways, shes around the same age as everyone else if not a year older due to Ghost Rules now, and Cason is the only one that seems to be able to see her. and then theres Jones. Jones is absolutely stunning to Casey and yes she falls so hard in dokis. but Jones is trying to ignore the fact that she can see ghosts. it makes her feel like even more of an outcast. ooooo drama! anyways those two have their own background plot going on about fighting eldritch gods or something idk.
LETS GET BACK TO CASON. see. Cason. is The Worst. like, genuinely. ever since he was a kiddo, he was a completely spoiled brat from day one, and spent his childhood Looking Down on People for multiple reasons. for one, hes the son of TWO FUCKING FOUNDERS AND RAISED BY THEM, two he got away with EVERYTHING, and three i think its just in his nature. Cason prides himself in being knowledgeable and better than everyone else, but he is not like Other Egomaniacs((tm.))
Cason doesnt necessarily care about being liked, even if he WAS a great manipulator, or being the best at Everything. he couldnt care less about sports or popularity. all he wants, is Control. just like hes had since day one. This is Terrible for Everyone Involved.
but most terrible for anyone, is Tippie Piyjon. Tippie is terezi and nepetas ectospawn, which, really started it all. now, terezi and nepeta are not horrible people, or even necessarily horrible parents, but theyre just not suited for it. Tippie raised herself on romance novels and the like, especially after being sortve taken in as a goddaughter by karkat almost immediately after she was born. and, because of this, she got to meet Cason very early on. there was hardly ever a day where the two werent around eachother, whether they liked it or not. in school, at their own house, wherever. now, being around Cason of all people all the time, meant you knew exactly how he operated.
and well, Tippie figured that, maybe, if she was just good enough, she could change him. and Cason used that to his full advantage. the two became moirails, which was Fucked Up for Everyone Involved, and grew ever closer. now Cason, being Cason, was Extremely Emotionally Abusive to Tippie. she had to do what he asked, whatever it was, even if it wasnt morally right, she had to stay by his side, she couldnt cry in front of his parents, she had to get good grades so he wouldnt look bad, so many damn things she had to do. even if he never once laid a finger on her, her mental health was, slowly but surely, chiseled down.
every attempt at defying him was met with such coldness, or hed act more warm towards her, so surely she was doing something right and had to keep going. just had to be good enough. hell get better eventually. Cason earns the title of #1 Gaslighter Extraordinare. the only place she found any solace away from him was grubscouts, which she joined on her own terms when she was very young, and at the time was a camp counselor even! this lasted. for so many years.
Cason is nineteen whenever i depict him, and Tippie is seventeen, but very nearly eighteen. eventually, she cant take it anymore, and snaps at him. usually this doesnt last, and he would manage to calm her down eventually, but shes fucking Tired of it. he hasnt changed. not even a bit. well. Cason cant have that, now can he? the first time he lays a hand on her, he slaps her across the face. Big Mistake. though terrified, Tippie lashes out, and claws Casons left eye out, making a terribly deep gash that would leave him permanently blind in that eye whether or not he got treatment.
this scares the SHIT out of her, and Tippie runs off, for the first time, to her mothers. as she cries, she recounts how terrible everythings been and how she didnt mean it and shes sorry and- theres nothing to apologize for. its very clear, that they shouldve stepped in sooner, shouldve noticed something was wrong. meanwhile, Cason crawls home to his own dads, who are rightfully spooked seeing their son with a horrifically bloody face and a gouged eyeball. they only had a second to try and comfort him, before he snapped at them, showing a bit of his true nature to them for the first time, and also, terezi showing up behind him. after a thorough explanation which was mostly just a few stern, if a little tearful words, Casons parents are completely mortified. karkat quickly kicks him out in an act of raw emotion. no chance to grab clothes, or for john to interject, Cason is left outside, alone, and with absolutely no power left. what will he do?
theres also other characters but theyre like babies so they dont have much characterization and also arent very important to the story. but here they are ig:
owen, jade and daves child. hes like, 3. he likes sticks and playing in mud. hes 3 what more do you want from him
siyren, aradia and feferis kiddo. shes like, 6. she likes ballet, arts and crafts, and being snooty
damien, eridan and solluxs kid. hes 10, likes calling people slurs over xbox, and overcompensating since his parents waited so damn long to adopt him after his slimebirth
killer, who named himself, aradia and sollux kid. hes like 11 or something. he likes being edgy and has the same issue as damien. in fact, all but siyren have this issue
toga bitch, who i have currently yet to name, aradia and eridans kid. shes 12. she likes earth rome and chilling in public fountains. a burgundy whose violetkin
wemon wemon, who is also currently unnamed, feferi and eridans kid. hes 13, the oldest. he likes earth lemon demon and horror special effects
carrie, feferi and solluxs kid. shes like 11, likes dance dance revolution and earth 9s
rosie, calliope and roxys bab, whos a baby. jane is also her mom
ben, tippies far future carapacian bf, who likes boring shit like birdwatching and scrapbooking. malewife supreme. a very soft dude, and just wants to help his gf w/ her trauma and join her grubscout troop on earning badges. just a great, if boring guy
notkonyyl, just as unnamed, a notcanadian oliveblood who enjoys going to the gym, frequenting bars, being cool, flirty, and defending her moirail to the death
notkuprum, haha unnamed, is a human, and the moirail to notkonyyl. he likes things like being annoying, flirting with everyone taller than him ((most people)), the nintendo switch, and defending his moirail to the death
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diamondnokouzai · 4 years ago
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talking abt the visual novel characters under the cut <3
mayhart player character. red-haired human commoner, youngest child of her family, last child born of her mother before mother died and father remarried. shorter than average (5â€Č2″ as female, 5â€Č5″ as male) named mayhart because she was born on the fourth of may. wild & uncontrollable, bearing a rage that she herself doesn’t even understand. grew up a commoner alongside her childhood friend yerick. widely rumored in town to be a changeling- she doesn’t act the way a normal human should, never knowing when to leave well enough alone or how to calm down and settle for her lot in life (the number of times when she, accompanied with yerick, has been chased back to town by some beast she provoked in the woods is uncountable). was recently conscripted into the army and adopted by the duchess koballe after her latent magic appeared. one of very few people who can use offensive magic and not purely reconnaissance/traveling magic. finally has an outlet for her rage, and somewhat hates the things she does. wears standard military uniform but badly- doesnt entirely understand how all the straps & bindings work and will not learn :) as the player character, she can be male or female. as a male, his rage turns inward, and as a result he is less open with his own emotions and keeps all his feelings hidden within himself. openly contemptuous of the war, but far more polite than his female counterpart. neither version holds any respect for anyone who hurts the weak. neither can hold their liquor either. 21 in human years
demavieve eldest princess of the draconic realm- as such, the future sovereign. the draconic realm is the only country allied with perine in this war which makes several people very nervous (its like if the us allied with luxembourg in a war against belgium france germany & the uk excep the us was the only country with nukes). demavieve has a very strong sense of honor though so constrains herself to a human form along with swordplay. this is less dangerous than it seems because if demavieves human form dies then she just turns back into her draconic form. her human form also has red hair, but its far more tameable than mayhart’s. she wears it tied back in a ponytail in general. she wears a perine knight’s uniform with vestments from the draconic realm to signify that she is (a) a foreign-lent soldier and (b) a commander. her human form is muscular and about 6â€Č6″. hot and well aware of it.arrogant but also very friendly about it- ‘you love me? haha, of course you are! you seem great too!’. kind of sees this whole thing as a game- dragons live a lot longer than humans, and something like this is just a blip on her radar. very low empathy until someone she cares about is hurt at which point everything goes out the window (and she cares about pretty much all the perine soldiers- not in a very respectful way, but she loves them all and she goes apeshit sometimes). very friendly with serenina. can absolutely hold her liquor. only romanceable as f!mayhart. 23 in human years, ~150 in real time.
serenina the only princess of the former emperor and empress. i spoke about her in more detail in another post so this is gonna mostly be glossed over. wears her hair in afropuffs cause she does her own hair and shes proud of it. temporal (reconnaissance) magic. desperate to please. legally only friends with demavieve, although also friendly with yerick. about 5â€Č0″ although she desperately wants to grow taller (unlikely). her eyes look like theyre black but if you look closely (which she probably wont let you do) theyre actually purple/indigo. is completely out of touch with the rest of the world because shes a princess but she is also very sincere and tries her best to be helpful when she can. very expressionless and sensible. not very well-liked as the former princess of the warmongering emperor and empress. actually very touch starved. does not wear standard military uniform outside of mage’s robes, which she wears over tea dresses (which is another reason some soldiers dislike her) is kept away from alcohol as much as grayson can and as such will get drunk off half a cup of wine. sleepy drunk. 18 in human years.
grayson the bastard son of the former emperor, sereninas older half-brother. grew up as a commoner in the same area as serenina & yerick until he was brought into the royal castle at age 9. fiercely protective of serenina. faux affable- you know the ‘expressionless smile’ princes from otome games/manga always have? thats graysons face pretty much always. legally not eligible to the crown (due to some religious issues with committing patricide & stepmatricide) but like. like hes already doing everything? yk how it is. highest commander of his troops attempting to broker peace with the other countries perine was at war with (most noticeably alloue, nawolem, & farik in order to attack caledonia, which was the puppeteer behind the former reign) but is not above underhanded methods/tactics including attacking noncombatant targets (they dont even have geneva). very intelligent & very calculating- consistently calculates highest reward/lowest risk maneuvers and has them executed flawlessly. his own cunning scares him on occasion, but he mostly locks that away- theres no time for those kinds of feelings in war. a foil to f!mayhart- she is wild, he is restrained; she shows her true feelings regardless, he always acts at a happy neutral; mayhart confronts her uncomfortable feelings, grayson hides them from everyone. about 5â€Č11″, has long dreads that he keeps tied back. dressed in perfect military regalia, including commander’s cape & military crown (basically just a circlet). also cant hold his liquor- hes nearly as bad as serenina. 25 in human years.
izyn the son of count dau claire, the only noble house in perine that has been loyal to grayson since before the deaths of the former emperor and empress. very quiet because he has social anxiety. completely brainless. very friendly but his height (6â€Č4″) and imposing aura (he gets nervous) means that the only people who can easily communicate with him are yerick and grayson. black hair, cropped short, and green eyes. skilled swordsman, mid-commander. will get trapped in an unwinnable situation which yerick needs to save him from. wears his military uniform right but...........not really? he wears the base uniform right but always forgets his commander’s cape. has a dedicated fanbase that came about when he did his training shirtless. literally doesnt think that any of his problems are that deep (honestly doesnt think anything is that deep). suffice to say, theres a reason why count dau claire never shows up and doesnt seem to be involved in any of the decision making of the count’s matters. very protective of yerick (younger brother). is the most visibly affected by the war- as the one who is usually in the center of the violence and doesnt have a survival cheat like demavieve, he has pretty bad ptsd which coupled with his anxiety issues make him a hot mess. his hobbies include hiding in dark rooms that have been reinforced to the point where literally only yerick can get in. despite his size he gets drunk very easily- not as bad as grayson & serenina, but 1-2 mugs of beer puts him out. 26 in human years. only romanceable as m!mayhart
yerick adopted son of count dau clarie. childhood friend of mayhart. born an orphan, an old woman took care of him til he was 4 and she died. stuck around mayharts town cause their family would give him food whenever he stopped by. still ended up fairly malnourished. small but vicious- hes screamed at mayhart lots of times for the stupid shit they would get him into and is not afraid to smack some sense into them. however he is not a good fighter because hes physically very weak- most of his energy in developing went to his magical capabilities, which came to fruition when he was 6. about a year after that (with a great deal more shunning from the townsfolk besides mayhart), he was adopted by count dau claire. was sealed with a subordination seal (used in order to ensure compliance with reasonable requests as long as a reasonable argument is made) for a year to ensure that he wouldnt run away. izyn liked him right away, but it took about 18 months for yerick to not be completely vicious whenever he was approached. as of the modern day of the vn, yerick is as protective over izyn as izyn is him- yerick has seen some of the worst of the world, and in his opinion izyn has not (this is despite the fact that izyn helped overthrow the royal family at age 15 but in fairness to him izyn told yerick none of this) so he wants to make sure his big brother stays happy. yerick holds absolutely no loyalty towards count dau claire or even to grayson- he is loyal to his own needs first, with a decent second being izyn and an even further distant third being mayhart & their family. very prickly & well acquainted with the fact that most people are inherently selfish and would turn away from an orphan on the streets. abandonment issues. his spatial magic is mostly used on rescue ops (mostly mostly getting izyn out of situations where hes surrounded by enemy soldiers but this extends to other perine soldiers). wears his uniform properly, including mage’s robes & commander’s cape over the standard perine uniform. hates to ever appear weak ever, so when he has to go to the medical tent izyn has to either force him there or pretend to be tsundere and throw bandages at him. izyn desperately wants to dote on him but that is one of yericks Hard Boundaries. theres like ONE time when yerick falls asleep because of arcane overexertion and izyn piggybacks him back to camp and yerick acts like its the most shameful secret in the world. foil to m!mayhart- very open with his anger & feelings and shows when he is angry and accepts that part of himself, open with his loyalties and doesnt give a fuck about it, doesnt like the war but does respect it. despite his size, it takes easily 3 barrels of alcohol to even get him tipsy, izyns lack of alcohol tolerance pisses him off cause he has to walk him back to his tent. 5â€Č4″ and wants to grow taller but has accepted his fate. 19 in human years.
eliya legally not a combatant. former princess of caledonia, was discovered at 12 to hold the power of the divine will and so was sent away from her mother and father (who she perceived as loving) to be raised within the church as a holy sacrifice (those who hold the power of the divine will release a huge psychic shockwave when theyre killed, so she was basically raised to be a holy tyke bomb). has a lot of religious obsession, prays 3x a day and has been brainwashed into believing in the power of holy judgement- essentially, her church handler (aka the deacon of the church where she was raised) has raised her to believe that if she commits a sin she’ll be killed so she has a LOT of anxiety over doing the right thing.at the same time shes been brainwashed into believing that doing anything in the service of the throne of caledonia is morally & theologically correct. shes also had occasional contact with her parents (like a yearly dinner or smth) and so still has a lot of loyalty to them due to how they manipulated her and her relationship with her little siblings (7 yrs younger x 2, 2 yrs younger, 13 yrs younger). completely devoted to her church, would gladly martyr herself for them (however this wouldnt trigger the shockwave needed by the army). is loyal to her parents, the deacon, and then the church. is captured by the perine army after a raid on a noncombatant area and spends a lot of time figuring herself out. foil to serenina (esp in terms of loyalty & parents/siblings, emotions (eliya has a lot of them and shows them, serenina is the opposite), their royal treatment, their relationship with trust (serenina doesnt, eliya does and worringly easily). long golden hair, light blue eyes. wears neither a military uniform nor a priests’ uniform, instead wears a one-piece white ‘dress’ (really more a tunic/oversized shirt) & is barefoot. desperate for attention, praise, love, etc. widely disliked due to her POW status but she really thinks shes making all these friends. has quite literally not been able to make her own choices since she was 12 years old. above average alcohol tolerance but nowhere near yerick. 19 in human years.
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rontra · 5 years ago
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ANONYMOUS ASKED:
i really like mwot and was wondering, do you wanna talk/loredump/etc about mwot during this blessed month of pride? (if not that's totally cool!!! i really like the au and am curious about it!)
REPLY:
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YES!!!!
umineko spoilers below and LONG POST KSDJDKSKD i really went infodumping......you got me right in an infodumping mood....
also im being very casual in this post so if something is like weird or vague its probably because i got tired of thinking about it and skipped ahead. SKJDSJD
mwot is an umi au and its very gay and very trans because i, a gay trans, decided it was TIME to INDULGE
LIKE A MOUNTAIN WIND FALLING ON OAK TREES also known as MWOT, MW/OT, Mountain Wind + Oak Trees, MW+OT, or literally any combination of its parts, is an eva/natsuhi au, set in a vague modern big city setting
https://rontra.tumblr.com/tagged/mountain-wind-oak-trees
it’s a comedy, mostly? it has elements of backstory transphobia and  stuff like that but that’s not really the story i want to tell with it, so  i don’t go too deeply into it in the main fic. it’s mostly comedy and Self Care: The  Story (once these nerds get around to acknowledging that self care is  good, anyway!!!!)  
Eva is 20, nb lesbian (though she doesnt know half of it to begin with). generally a bitchard at the beginning but also deeply craving that Validation. Invested in making the fic harder to write due to pronoun shenanigans (shoutout to the lengthy section of intimate emotional scenes that uses no pronouns at all for eva but is narrated by them in 3rd person)
Natsuhi is like 21 i guess because im a sucker for her having like an annoying 1-3 years on eva bc eva would get mad about it. Also she’s trans, gray-ace, hopeless romantic, generally full of “quickly raising your eyebrows and looking away while sipping your drink and thinking Yikes” energy. weaponizes indifference but is no stranger to harder means. she’s a smart cookie
Sayo is also 20, gender clown car living her best life. Presents differently depending on mood and whim
krauss is like 22 or whatever. for housekeeping’s sake, rosa and rudolf are too young to matter (8 and 10, or something like that). dont even worry about it
honestly the weirdest part of the au is eva and sayo being the same age
also this au is the origin point of me & my friends using akikaze as nat’s maiden name. the more you know!
-
USHIROMIYA GOLD dishes up that yellow metal like you wouldn’t believe. led by kinzo whos so fuckin good at sniffing out that sweet sweet gold people are half convinced the man has psychic powers. Any piece of land he’s got his eyes on, he WILL get his hands on, no matter who owns it right now.
the land kinzo wants At The Moment is owned by the AKIKAZE FAMILY who have been notably on the decline recently. they’re in the economic shithole so this land is basically all they’ve got right now, so when kinzo wants it and it suddenly Has Value, they’re like “oh, shit,
anyway the deal basically shakes out that like, he gets the land and all the gold that may or may not be in it. he offers his eldest son in exchange for this land, to marry their daughter: in the bonds of marriage graciously ensuring a part of the winnings will spill over on them, while keeping them under his control without money coming into the picture.
Everything’s working out great and coming up kinzo. the deal is closed and everyone’s happy (i guess). until ONE DAY, just a few narrow weeks before the akikaze girl is set to move in with the ushiromiyas,
KINZOS
OLDEST
SON
DISAPPEARS
!!!!!
Krauss dislikes being told what to do, and his father’s ideals never lined up with his own. He thinks this entire thing is sort of fucked up and can’t live under his dad’s thumb anymore. That's why, immediately following Kinzo’s agreement with the Akikaze family, Krauss disappears. He’s just kinda left for greener pastures, to unfold his own life and pursue his own interests independent of the Ushiromiya name. He leaves behind a letter explaining it & basically he forfeits both name and inheritance, and Kinzo’s incredible deal is suddenly in jeopardy.....
obviously this is kinzo though, and all of his solutions are like, 20 times more complicated than they have to be? he’s DETERMINED to have this land so he’s like “i need an eldest son. shit rudolf is only like 9. fuck. well okay i have an eldest daughter with a deeply complicated need for validation and success entirely driven by her overall neglect at my hands“ and the rest. as they say. is history (???)
Ushiromiya Eva always saw Krauss as unworthy of the inheritance, and to her, his disappearance confirms this. She grew up always being made to feel inferior to her older brother, usually being ignored in favor of him, and it's bred a complex need for validation in her. Her values and strengths are more like Kinzo’s than her brother’s, and Kinzo recognizes this in the wake of Krauss’ disappearance.
basically he concocts this really wild scheme where eva has to pretend to be his oldest son and marry this girl or whatever so he can seal this stupid gold deal and she’s like “well lol if i get to be family heir” and hes like “yes that’s what im saying” and shes like “awesome let’s do it”
all of the servants are in on it too of course. specifically kinzo enlists SAYO who works there as normal staff and isn’t otherwise tangled into this family’s mess in any way whatsoever. she’s just here to serve tea and looks. anyway he’s like “you work on this with eva--i mean evan, my son, you must have misheard--and eva you have to listen to whatever yasuda says” and eva is like “that last part will not be frustrating for me at all”.
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Yasuda as reigning Household Gender Presentation Expert is like “i think i just got orders from the master to bully eva?” and eva is like “i wish i could fire you but my dad just banned me from doing that” and then gradually...over the course of the project......they become....friends.........
(the au is tagged eva & sayo for a reason. they become FRIENDS!!)
mostly its just various combinations of shkanon dunking on eva and its all VERY good.
during all these shenanigans we make some startling realizations like “gender euphoria is a hell of a drug” and stuff, which is extremely harrowing for everyone (note: not for everyone. just for eva, who makes 10,000 realizations every day, and should not have been counted.)
(ok sidenote did anyone else put on their first binder & go like “hmmm. i live here now” because. mood. im projecting entirely into this fic)
Gender Clown Car yasuda (currently as lion) is like “you know there’s like more than 2 genders” and eva’s like “you fucking wehat”.
i also make a REALLY INVOLVED JOKE ABOUT CASTIGLIONI GOLD, THE RIVAL COMPANY, and how BEATRICE’S KID LOOKS A LOT LIKE LION, and EVERYONE thinks this is all VERY funny
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(i would like to see it. also kinzo owes beatrice castiglioni $20 and she’s never let him forget it.)
now wrapped up in this stupid impostor scheme AND full of big wild nonbinary energy AND!! WITH AN INFURIATING NEW FRIEND!! IN THE STAFF!!! this one funky ushiromiya is all ready to get in on an arranged marriage or whatever. provided NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT that they’re faking it and replacing the Actual Heir, which would no doubt ruin the scheme AND bring kinzo’s wrath on everybody involved, of course.
-
AKIKAZE NATSUHI IS READY TO PUNCH HER FIANCE IN THE THROAT IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT HER but she understands what’s happening here. she knows she didn’t have a say in this from the very beginning. that the deal was sealed for her as soon as the name “ushiromiya” was said. she knows her family married her off quick in a bid to get rid of her. if she’s humiliated by this ordeal, she is far too proud to show it. she packs her bags and walks into the mansion with her head held high........and immediately has this exchange with her fiance
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and this one
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so that’s kind of the energy we’re going for with these two.
(natsuhi’s line in the second cap was going to be removed for being Way Too Intense, but everyone i talked to said it was too hot to cut, so i decided to indulge us all. blame the lesbians)
they IMMEDIATELY don’t get along but they kinda agree to like, mind their business, since neither of them are interested in playing house here. if they can get the wedding to go off without a hitch they can basically go back to never talking to each other again.
natsuhi’s entire angle here is essentially: her family was not that good, and this family likely won’t be better, BUT here she has a chance to build something new for herself. she’ll be out of her parents’ house. She needs this deal to stay for her own sake, but she has to get out ahead of her husband and set up a dynamic that favors her. when she meets evan she essentially gauges the kind of person she’s dealing with and picks her approach accordingly: this is not a soft man, and she has to be hard in turn to avoid being steamrolled.
and its VERY hot
anyway some stuff happens and it eventually they both sorta get each other’s secrets. eva is not the firstborn son and natsuhi is not the card kinzo thought he was pulling from her family’s hand and theyre both toast if word hits the public. directly after the wedding they establish a tense alliance of keeping each others’ secrets....
and then they.....fall...in l
there’s some fun tensions and realizations. eva is like “so im quickly catching on that no praise i ever received from dad was on my own merit and he’s kind of a dirtbag all around and his validation is kind of not worth it” and nat is like “word our parents are chains” & they run kinzo over with the down w cis bus. it’s fine. they get postcards from krauss sometimes. he has a motorbike now.
DID I MENTION THE PRACTICE KISSING
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BC THEY HAVE TO PRACTICE! FOR THE!! PUBLIC WEDDING!!!!
and thats mwot i guess. it’s my au where natsuhi’s accent color is red and some other stuff happens too. happy pride month
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hotshotshitshow · 5 years ago
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This is a late question and kind of an odd one, but more on the brewski/rotgut/hooch squadron and how living in a small coastal oregon town shaped their lives? Did it? Would they be the same people living elsewhere? Did Rotgut always live in the same place, or come in like a thunderstorm - basically, how environment shapes everyone (or doesn't!) as much or as little as you feel like talking about. Hopefully that's an interesting question!
yes this is certainly an interesting question!! i love it, it gives me lots to chew on, so thank you ... 
all three of them were raised in their small town .... brewski and rotgut have been best friends since the first grade. i dont think rotgut would ever have made the decision to live in such a small town voluntarily. technically she is old enough to move out but she continues to live with her family due to her grandparents needing to be taken care of in their old age. she does not blame them, but does definitely resent that she couldnt move out and go do things with her life as soon as she wanted.
their town is based off several very small oregon towns ive visited on the coast... their town is small enough that it doesnt have its own school, or hospital, etc etc, and the only grocery store theyve got is more of a convenience store tbh. their town’s three things its got going for it is a hotel and restaurant and further down the highway, a golf course,which all three of them hate and love to make fun of the tourists who go there (hooch works at the hotel and brewski at the gold course ... neither of them are particularly personable to the customers and openly hate their jobs but there arent loads of people around to replace them so theyre not really gonna get fired any time soon)
if anyone wants actual groceries or to even feel like theyre in a real town for a while, hooch (the only one of the three of them who owns a car) drives them thirty minutes north to a slightly bigger town
(anyone i know closely irl probably knows already exactly which town in particular i am basing this off of lmao)
out of the three of them, hooch is probably the one that arguably enjoys living there the most. even though he can be aggressive and disruptive, he enjoys fishing and the laid back atmosphere .... he is honestly terrified of what the world expects of him as he gets older, and living in such a slow-paced town makes him feel less rushed. unfortunately, this also means that he is less willing to challenge himself for the better in a lot of ways. he definitely also gets restless and likes seeing new things, but at the end of the day he relishes familiarity
brewski is very similar in some ways, but i think she is more in the middle between hooch and rotgut in terms of wanting to leave town ... she constantly wishes her life was different , but she isnt entirely sure in what ways yet or how to make things happen for herself. this lack of understanding of herself is definitely a huge contributor to her stick in the mud attitude. she knows she wants something in her life to change, but being that she doesnt know what or how to change it, she quickly becomes frustrated and sits by her “why bother” attitude. she has thought a lot about moving out and perhaps moving to a city but  that idea is just as terrifying to her as it is exciting, so nothing really happens with that
both of them are also somewhat socially awkward people but i dont think i could attribute this entirely to just living in a small town, being that theyre both just generally morons who are terrified of challenging themselves but also wanna Look Cool
and rotgut ... just wants to get the hell outta dodge asap. she sees how there are some people who have lived in that small town all their lives and the idea of that happening to her absolutely scares the crap out of her. she hates the idea that she might die without having seen more of the world and without doing something good and significant for society. and as much as she loves her friends brewski and hooch very dearly, she also sees how unwilling they are to push themselves and how both of them seem to revel being downers and sometimes she will wake up in a cold sweat at night at the thought that she might become that too if she spends much more of her life in such a slow, hopeless, isolated little town. 
i guess to put it more simply, brewski and hooch are more likely to settle with what they have because that’s what they know and rotgut is NOT about that life and sees small town life as more isolating and restrictive than familiar and comforting
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ninatastic · 5 years ago
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@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie
1. Are looks important in a relationship?
I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner
2. Are relationships ever worth it?
sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D
3. Are you a virgin?
nah 
4. Are you in a relationship?
yeh!
5. Are you in love?
I’d say so!
6. Are you single this year?
no
7. Can you commit to one person?
yes
8. Describe your crush
it me bf
9. Describe your perfect mate
same as above c: 
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no, only when it comes to animals c;
11. Do you ever want to get married?
thats a dream of mine tbh
12. Do you forgive betrayal?
I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)
13. Do you get jealous easily?
in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally
14. Do you have a crush on anyone?
me bf
15. Do you have any piercings?
just have my ears pierced!
16. Do you have any tattoos?
no but maybe soon
17. Do you like kissing in public?
only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses
20. Do you shower every day?
yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
bruh I sure hope my bf does;;
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
nah
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
it is possible but who tf knows
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?
idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
as in losing touch with me? I guess so
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?
a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33
28. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yup
29. Have you ever cheated on someone?
very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?
often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
oh often
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?
yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard
33. Have you ever had sex with a man?
hell yeah
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?
:( no
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
yeh!!
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
yeah and it ruined me for a while
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
uuuuhh not really I think
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?
whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D
41. Have you had sex so far this year?
hella
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?
depends on how thirsty I am
43. How long was your longest relationship?
5 and a half years and counting
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
2-3
45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?
uuhh I was 14, no one 
46. How many times did you have sex last year?
HELLA
47. How old are you?
22 my dudes
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?
yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?
yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
yeah my abuser probably
54. Is there someone you will never forget?
unfortunately yes and fortunately yes
55. Share a relationship story.
uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands
56. State 8 facts about your body
I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body
57. Things you want to say to an ex
to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)
58. What are five ways to win your heart?
uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 
59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)
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yikes
60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?
my current bf is 8 years older than me
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?
how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?
even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
63. What is your definition of “having sex”?
everything that comes after kissing imo
64. What is your definition of cheating?
I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?
kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me
66. What is your favourite roleplay?
if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)
67. What is your idea of the perfect date?
something something being outside in the nature and also good food 
68. What is your sexual orientation?
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69. What turns you off?
super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks
70. What turns you on?
being manhandled
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?
idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 
72. What words do you like to hear during sex?
I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
I already answered that c:
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 
78. What’s your dirtiest secret?
I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?
yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
this morning when I cuddled my cats :D
81. Who are five people you find attractive?
my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for
82. Who is the last person you hugged?
my bf!!
83. Who was your first kiss with?
my first bf sdfjsdfs
84. Why did your last relationship fail?
it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;
85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?
yeah, sure
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worstfruit · 5 years ago
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BEASTMASTER
playing with names. zh'ang, bastardization of the romanization OF a translation meaning warsong, but i was just trying to find something that could sound gith so that doesnt really matter! he never goes by this tho, as his subordinates just call him master, sir, or boss. i think he would be very private about his life before joining a company (one i havent plotted out yet, though i like the idea of whatever mercenary crew he’s apart of following the idea of using assigned nicknames or titles in place of true names, even amongst the non-magic users, just for their safety or rather the integrity of the company so that their private information can’t easily be used against them).
yiz'shi, same bastard deal, this time im thinking beastmaster could be something he gained before joining a company and he just translated it to common. im not sure if the gith would have a need of surnames. i assume they’d be like uh ‘conan the brave’ or whatever, a sort of similar idea i’ve establish for my goblins where their surnames are based on trade and can changed based off merit, and their first names are given after a personality begins to appear. i think gith may be given names, then a ‘the brave’ or ‘unholy’ may follow depending on how they choose to live their life. 
zizshangi --> yizshangi --> some sort of mix between warsong/beastmaster. perhaps his true name is obscured and not even his minions know it!
im thinking he will be a shadow monk who uses his telepathy to rise in the ranks! i dont like multiclassing but i also really want to incorporate aspects of a whisper bard into this character or at least one of his underlings. i think after coming out of slavery under some mindflayers, he joins the company that frees him and starts using his monk training from the astral plane to...not convert, but to translate into the way of shadows. he would recruit the help of those who others overlook, such as kenku, kobolds, gnolls, and goblins. he’s very quiet, very observant, wears a mask often and even when he doesn’t he pretty much as a complete poker face. He chooses his words carefully but does relax around those he knows/trusts, and has a sort of dry sense of humor. Despite his psionic abiliities he’s sort of like, an idiot socially and can’t actually read people all that well. he relies on his extrasensory input and Maud (explained below) to navigate relations mostly. I’m not too sure what he looks like yet! I do want him to have the sort of vaguely asianic features a lot of githzerai have however, and i have a monk outfit in mind based off some Absolver outfits. He’s worked his way up in company rank enough to become a sort of espionage expert within the troops! This has earned the ire of some other company members, but for the most part i think this mercenary group would be pretty civil and view each other as respected associates and comrades. 
His main crew consists of two kenu, two goblins, and a tabaxi. He’s known the tabaxi longest-- im thinking she was also an underling in the company who helped him get back on his feet when they picked him up. She was a teen looking to hone her skills as a rogue and he helped her learn the art of stepping lightly and always keeping an ear to the ground. Looking at tabaxi names I’m thinking she probably has some dumbass one like ‘quick of paw’ but they just started calling her Maraud, which turned into Maud LOL. She’s all black and has short, sleek, shiny fur, brownish/maroon irises, pointed ears and big paws with her claws usually unsheathed. She’s become a mastermind rogue who trains two (also totally black, yellow eyed) kenku twins as a thief and scout under Beastmaster’s tutelage. She’s very streetsmart and has a gravelly sort of raspy voice from years of working as a slave (able to rise as a slavemaster who was tasked with yelling orders to the other slaves and cracking the whip). She’s a bit matronly, very wry and slinky and coy, and very good with people. Typical scorpio but with a flair of aires determination and single mindedness. She’s very driven, but has the life experience to keep herself grounded and logical. She’s beastmaster’s most trusted associate and essentially the brains behind his crew, at least second to him. She’s the boss when he’s not around, but while strict, she has a HUGE softspot for her sort of adopted siblings. She gets along well enough with the rest of the company.
The two kenkus are fraternal twins, a bit younger than Maud, named Lasher (girl) and Bowstring. Lasher is the thief and Bow is the scout. They were orphaned and picked up by the company shortly before absorbing the refugees from the Mindflayer slaveship so they never really had birthnames afa the company was concerned. They speak through sign language, body language and gesture, facial expressions, and a sort of quick-hand morse code they’ve developed from both thieves cant as well as the company cant. They can’t easily speak to people outside the company, and even within the ranks they have trouble communicating without parroting, which they don’t seem to like doing unless it’s to mock someone. Their inability to speak, however, lends to their spy nature as people often underestimate their intelligence and perception. Though they can’t fly, they’re quick when racing across building tops and through tree canopy and prefer high vantage points to preform their work. Beastmaster is a very silent person who gets along well with these two, using his telepathy and patience to forge a mentor relationship with them and cultivate their infiltration and investigative skills. Lasher loves to read anything she can get her feather little fingers on, and often steals what she can’t buy. She’s not too girly but does enjoy fantasizing about the high life noble ladies lead and likes to collect trinkets she thinks represent this such as bows, perfume bottles, bits of mirror and buttons. Bowstring likes to help his sister with her plights but is much more grounded and serious. he’s dry and sardonic and takes himself a little too seriously. even for a mute, he’s very silent and a little shy and prefers to hide behind Maud or beastmaster or even Lasher. He get’s his name for his skills as a ranger, whereas lasher gets hers from her talons and tendency to use them when people get too close to her or her brother. she gets along better with the rest of the company however, and likes to be seen as cute even if she feels she’s being condescended on. she and her brother work spectacularly together, along with beastmaster and maud, and don’t mind being separated for missions or otherwise.
The two goblin (identical!) twins’ names are Fritz and Racket and they are, respectively, a storm sorcerer and a storm barbarian! obviously they’re not as subtle as the rest of the gang despite being gobs, in fact they get their nicknames from their quirks of being loud, aggressive, and favoring a sort of berserker approach to confrontation. Fritz is the caster, Racket is the muscle, and both feed off each’s other whole uh, storm bullshit. they both worship an elemental goblin deity but very very casually, it’s more of hero worship, and beastmaster sorta thinks they might have a touch of wild magic and a fixation on LOUD and FLASHY shit hence the storm kick. they’re very loyal, very brave, and only a little stupid. they both have tempers and don’t like comments about their height. very easy to bait into confrontation especially if they’re together. they’re not the kinda twins who walk together in unison and finish each other’s sentences (like the kenku twins, who similarly work off each other’s energies for their work), but they are usually together and look almost exactly alike. Fritz is a bit slimmer and taller, a bit pointier and a bit more spastic and shrill. He’s weaker than his brother but is smarter. He also has a worse temper and despite not being a melee fighter, will not hesitate to tackle anyone and just use his claws and teeth. Racket is a bit calmer but dumber, more gullible, and a lot stronger. He’s only a tad quieter than his brother but is also more physically aggressive and tends to stomp and throw shit around, hence his name. he usually follow’s frtiz’s lead if beastmaster isn’t around, but the both defer to Maud for instruction. They’re technically younger than the kenku twins if you account for the fact that goblins age quicker than kenku, they’re only slightly older! they’re more immature, however, and usually need more corralling than anyone else. unlike lasher and bow, fritz and racket dont like being seperated, but usually dont have to be since they don’t do much espionage. if they are dispatched for such tasks, it’s usually a matter of blending into busy, or sketchy environments rather than being silent and shadowy. they’re useful for intimidation, distraction, firepower, and muscle.
the last notable character i’ve cooked up is a kobold, the youngest (but again due to kobold age, its not like hes a baby technically) named Rak! he’s not very skilled in anything but he considers himself an inventor and makes really pathetic little stick contraptions that use like. shitty venoumous bugs and stink bombs LOL. i dont even know what class he’d be. no magic skills, too dumb and loud for espionage. he’s sort of a little mascot for the company and everyone treats him like a pet, but beastmaster took pity on him and lets him tag along with them. fritz and racket think hes funny and usually just throw him in a bag or like, if they have to fight, put him in a pocket till theyre done. he doesn’t get in the way too much and every now and again is a bit useful to get into super small places or to do errands like deliveries or shopping or cleaning. he got his name bc he makes a sorta RAK sound a lot when scared or startled or hurt or excited or mad. like a mouse goes EEK but he’s a stupid lizard guy so he goes RAK!
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zerochanges · 6 years ago
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Valentine’s Chocolates and Glass Masks
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The romance genre in anime is a little weird, and honestly on the whole the majority of the genre in anime is probably a bit too slow for its own good. “Will they or won’t they” is something most romantic fiction is guilty of, but I think you’d be hard press to come across 150 episode TV series dedicated solely to that premise anywhere else. And this has nothing on the pure silliness that can come with the genre; hand holding, indirect kisses, masked secret admirers, all that good stuff. Really, I’m not here to trash talk romantic anime though, but as I sat down and tried to think about writing a Valentine's Day blog post I just couldn't help but think to myself how romance anime might be the hardest to explain to anyone not in the fandom. I mean, I think I’d have an easier time explaining the plot of any given saga in DBZ than I would explaining “Notice me, senpai” to somebody.
You know what though, I kind of ironically enjoy all of this. Yeah, pure romance anime can be cheesy, but it’s just the right amount cheese that it’s like, c’mon, how can you not enjoy this? Perhaps the worst (or best!) offender of this are older shoujo titles where they can seem almost downright like a soap opera at times. Shows like these are just so full of bizarre, off-the-walls, and over-the-top melodrama that they manage to suck me completely in. They’re heartbreaking, they’re engaging, and the times when they fail at being those things they are hilarious. 
My most recent experience with an older shoujo title like this would have to be studio Eiken’s 1984 adaptation of Glass Mask. Now Glass Mask (or Glass no Kamen as it is known by some) is a manga that started life in 1976 and to this day has yet to be finished, with the manga creator Suzue Miuchi stating she would like to finish it soon, but hasn't quite figured out when that will be (move over Hunter x Hunter fans). Having been one of the earlier shoujo titles starting back in the mid-70’s the series is full to the brim with pretty much every cliche and trope you can think of for shoujo anime, and to a modern audience it can often be almost hilarious at times to sit through. It is important to remember that for its time Glass Mask was a trend-setter and arguably if not the creator than certainly the reason why a lot of these cliches became cliches in the first place. Over the years Glass Mask has received its fair share of adaptations and even parodies, and currently has 3 different animes as well as a live action drama series and real life stage plays based on it. I heard the most recent anime, the 2005 TMS adaptation of Glass Mask, does a pretty great job at modernizing several aspects of the series, but unfortunately I have yet to watch that to weigh in so all I can say is that I was inundated with more cliches than I could count and laughed a ton while watching the 1984 series and I loved every minute of it. 
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Glass Mask is the story of a young 13 year old girl Maya Kitajima, who has a dream to be a great theatre actress. Unfortunately for Maya she’s from a very poor family, and even more unfortunately for her, she is incredibly average looking with no flair--and don’t worry, the anime will remind you of that fact countless times every episode. Despite her damnable curse of “just looking kind of average” Maya will stop at nothing to pursue her dream and eventually runs away from home after getting a scholarship for an acting school. There, the enigmatic Chigusa Tsukikage notices Maya’s talents and takes her on as her protege. Soon, Maya learns that her mentor Tsukikage was once a legendary actress thought to be truly one of the all time greats who due to a tragic Phantom of the Opera style accident had her face hideously scarred and retreated out of the spotlight. 
Tsukikage is looking to pass on her talents to the future generation and eventually pass on her greatest possession, the rights to the elusive Crimson Goddess play--a supposed legendary masterpiece that has not been seen by anyone in decades; not since Tsukikage’s career ruining accident. For some reason the director and creator of the the Crimson Goddess play saw it fit to beseech all the rights to his masterpiece to Tsukikage and thus nobody else has been able to produce this elusive phantom play since. It won’t be easy for Maya and the Tsukikage acting school, as media conglomerate and mega corporation Daito Entertainment will stop at nothing to get the rights to the Crimson Goddess, and isn't afraid to sabotage them at every step of the way. Perhaps Maya’s greatest rival however is the young Ayumi Himekawa, the daughter of an already famous actress who is said to be the favorite to inherit the Crimson Goddess role, and is everything Maya isn't; beautiful, rich, famous and well loved by all, and while not a student of Tsukikage she is more than willing to pass on the rights to Himekawa if Maya fails to prove herself.
It’s easy to already see the cheesiness just from me trying my best to summarize the basic plot, and we haven’t even gotten into the romances yet. Maya’s relationship with the young Yu Sakurakoji is fairly simple at first, as he helped rescue her from a feral dog and despite being in rival acting schools--one affiliated under Daito no less, he’s a pretty chill guy that enjoys spending time with her and doesn't care about all that stuff. It’s only after Maya starts to take off in her career that Sakurakoji starts to spiral into this insane inferiority complex centered around her, where he thinks she has become too good an actress for him to be around anymore and starts to give her the cold shoulder all because of his own make-believe shortcomings. It’s very odd and sudden, and the entire thing is blown out of proportions as Maya clearly does not think that and Sakurakoji eventually has to be lectured by bad boy Masumi of all people to come around and start spending time with Maya again. Even after this however it isn't like the old days anymore and the gap that was created from his own complex still lingers.
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And oh boy, don’t get me started on Masumi, he’s quite the character. Masumi Hayami is the 24 year old son of the president of Daito Entertainment and is currently running the corporation in his father’s stead. Masumi serves as both an antagonist and love interest (because of course he can be both) in the early parts of the story and is often behind some (but not all) the sabotage done to Tsukikage’s acting school. Masumi will eventually take a more reasonable approach when it comes to trying to yank the rights of the Crimson Goddess away from Tsukikage’s hands as the anime progresses, often just by having his acting school beating Tsukikage’s students in contest and the like, and it’s here where we usually see Masumi’s employees that work under him being the more underhanded characters instead of Masumi directly engaging in the conflict.
Despite being on different sides, so to speak, Masumi catches one of Maya’s earliest performances, her role as Beth in Little Women, and falls in love with the young girl, impressed by both her potential as an actress and her fortitude for going on with the show despite suffering from a dangerously high fever and immediately being rushed to the doctors after the curtains fall. From this point on her takes the role of “Mr Purple Rose” named for the bouquet of purple roses he sends to her at every show. As her secret admirer and the first fan Maya has ever had he means a lot to her yet as his true identity of Masumi he’s an enemy that Maya cannot stand to breathe the same air as. So in short, Masumi is just your average 24 year old CEO of a mega corporation crushing on a 13 year old girl from a small acting school he is trying to ruin and also her secret admirer. Somehow Masumi is one of the best characters in the series, and is my best boy. Only in shoujo!
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So far I've been having some cheap laughs at the expense of the 1984 Glass Mask anime but it’s not all like this. The over-the-top bombardment of old school shoujo cliches and the laughs I got from them may be one of the most memorable component of my viewing but there’s actually a lot more to this anime than that. When you get beyond the silly age gap romances and the flowery melodrama of young teenage love, Glass Mask is a story of artists trying to pursue their passions and dedicating their everything to them. Maya may be cursed to forever be “only average looking” but I really respect her drive to dedicate her entire life to theatre. 
Well, that is to say, the times when she isn't acting like punching bag to the rest of the cast (Glass Mask has a tendency to make Maya into a Cinderella surrounded by tons of wicked stepsisters). When Maya is written not as a Cinderella she’s fiercely determined, and never backs down despite some straight-up abusive behavior she is put through. At times her mentor Tsukikage is absolutely savage, regularly beating Maya and putting her through some training that is definitely highly illegal, at least for today’s standards. For instance she once threw Maya in a shed and locked the door refusing to let her out until she finally understood her character she was assigned. Did I mention it was in the middle of the freezing cold winter and snowing out and Maya only had the clothes on her back for warmth? She was out there for days with no food, water, or even warmth. But don’t worry, she had her script to read and that made it all okay. Like goddamn, somebody call child protective services on this lady.
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Speaking about “the art” and everyone’s passions, the more you watch the series the more it becomes obvious that the creator, Suzue Miuchi, really cares for theatre and isn't just using it as a vehicle to propel her own story. There are countless renditions of classic plays shown in Glass Mask, such as the mentioned already Little Women, The Miracle Worker, and Wuthering Heights, just to name a few. Some of these plays are presented without any changes while others may have reinterpretations made to them by the characters who are trying to give their roles a life of their own away from the original source material. Miuchi very much understands theatre and does a great job converting many famous plays into a more compressed and easily digestible form of entertainment that can be viewed on a week by week bases. The analysis characters give about the plays and other characters’ performances, the ways characters interpret their parts, and how the plays that we are privy to see in the series end up all show a deeper understanding of the medium. Watching Glass Mask is almost like taking a beginning course in theatre that covers all the classics, only with way more melodrama and over-the-top romance than you will find in your local theatre group. I hope.
What’s the most impressive however goes beyond just Miuchi’s renditions of other classic works and instead are her own plays that she creates herself. As not only does Glass Mask use pre-existing plays it also has its own original productions that will spring up in-between the real world plays. A lot of these self created plays are very enjoyable too, and some feel way more fleshed out than they have any right to be and you often find yourself regretting that you are only privy to a small part of the performance and not able to just sit there and watch the entire play like the characters in the anime do. Maybe that’s why it shouldn't be too much of a surprise that some of the plays Miuchi has created for her manga have later been adapted into real life plays in Japanese theatres. This is probably the greatest testament to the series’ popularity right there, where its own fictional works are turned real. I can’t think of many examples of something like that happening before.
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I’d be remiss not to mention the visual aspect of this series before wrapping up my thoughts on it too. While certainly no powerhouse in animation, Glass Mask 1984 goes for a more picturesque route, and does a great job with tons of beautiful still shots and intricately detailed background images. It’s a humble production but with the right use of lighting a lot of scenes can really shine (pardon the terrible pun it was an accident), especially the night shots which can be pure art. Hang it in a museum, I say. I’m almost surprised we don’t see more “aesthetic” anime blogs mining images from this series. Veteran director Gisaburo Sugii (Dororo, Touch, Osamu Tezuka’s Phoenix) leads the production with skilled marksmanship you would expect from his previous (and future) pedigree, and along with legendary animator the late Shingo Araki (Ashita no Joe, Galaxy Express 999, Saint Seiya) the series has a wonderful 80’s flair to it that just fills any retro anime fan full of nostalgia whether or not they have seen the show before.
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Studio Eiken’s 1984 Glass Mask adaptation is a short, briskly paced 22 episode series that is easy on the eyes and not hard at all to still sit through for modern audiences. It’s full of tons of laughs (both ironic and sincere) as well as tons of melodrama and over-the-top romance. Most importantly though, it’s a full of passion; lots and lots of passion. During its short episode count the series watches Maya progress as an actress and grow older, with her finishing middle school and beginning high school while also balancing full time acting jobs on the side. The ending is left open--and let’s face it the manga hasn't even ended some 35 years later still--but there’s enough forward momentum in the series to really feel like your time with the characters wasn't wasted and that they were able to accomplish something--not to mention the ending spot is a pretty decent one leaving the viewer wanting more but enjoying a satisfying conclusion to one of the more interesting story arcs adapted. Overall I think anyone who enjoys cheesy anime romance can sit down with this series and have a fun Valentine’s.
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marsixm · 6 years ago
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edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)
anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist
so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have
in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it
basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se
looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.
theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect
first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago
the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress
2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS
so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope) 
another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc
for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn
i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???
another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]
the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl
anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid
also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!
anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts
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ultradespairgay · 2 years ago
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i dont intend for this to be hate so i apologize if it comes off as such, im just a little confused — i cant see how any of the points brought up in your post about saionji debunk the theory you were talking about or confirm that saionji is the same age as her classmates. her growth spurt is proof that nobody really died in sdr2 [excluding nanami] because they were in the simulation, and it hints at the time class 77-b attended hopes peak before they were put in the simulation, but it doesnt prove that shes the same age as the rest of class 77-b; she could very well have had a growth spurt if she were two years younger than the rest of her class, for example. its worth noting that growth spurts associated with estrogen-based puberty most commonly occur between the ages of 10 and 14. also, just because she never explicitly states her age like hagekure doesnt mean the author meant for that information to be left out — it makes sense that saionji and hagekure would have different responses to similar situations because theyre two different people. hagekure doesnt make himself any more of a target in the killing game by revealing that hes older than his classmates; saionji, though, is someone who is very averse to being seen as vulnerable — her being unwilling to admit she was having trouble with her kimono and her joining the rest of the class in criticizing the memorial she'd made because she didnt want to admit she was the one who made it both illustrate this behavior of hers. her being the youngest is something that she believes her classmates might see as a weakness if they knew about it. again, i don't intend for this to be hateful, and please tell me if ive misunderstood anything.
More will be underneath the cut for potential spoilers.
I’ll start by saying this, I never got the feeling that this came off as hate so you’re good on that end. However, I honestly don’t agree with the majority of what else you said.
For starters, the growth spurt doesn’t just prove that they were in a simulation and that nobody really died, but when Hajime sees the picture in the news article of the more “mature-esque” Hiyoko, he refers to her having a “child-like” appearance. When Hajime shows this to Kazuichi, they refer to Hiyoko having “child-like” features”. This was because they didn’t recognize Hiyoko at first due to having their memories taken away. Alongside Hiyoko’s fanbase mainly liking her for her “un-high school-like appearance”, why would anyone use these descriptors on someone who’s much younger than the rest of her class? Yes there are people who look more mature than they actually are, but like I bring up in my post the opposite can be true as well.
These next few points I’m going to be honest, were in my opinion flawed. It feels like you missed the point of me bringing up Hagakure in my post in the first place. The point of me bringing up Hagakure wasn’t about how the characters would react differently if they were in similar situations {I don’t know how that conclusion was made tbh}, this was very clearly from a writing standpoint. Something like Hiyoko skipping a few grades would be very important information, so why would they just not include that? It doesn’t make any sense that it wouldn’t have ever been revealed at some point. This isn’t even implied in any DR media that Hiyoko’s in, so how would this even exist in the story if it’s not outright confirmed in text or at least be implied?
I will say that I do agree that Hiyoko is someone who’s afraid to be vulnerable in front of others, however it’s not because of the reasons you listed. Hiyoko has been through quite a lot according to her FTEs, due to her very overbearing grandmother and many jealous people who’d often play cruel & sometimes even life-threatening tricks/make threats towards her
 sometimes even carrying out said threats. The only person she truly felt safe around/trusted was her father. But eventually her grandmother took Hiyoko away from her parents and she was separated from him. Hiyoko isn’t afraid of being vulnerable because she worries about her class finding out that she’s younger, therefore seeing her as being weak. Hiyoko is afraid to be vulnerable due to trust issues because of what she had to experience in her past. It also resulted in her developing a very mean personality in order to protect herself, so that people didn’t get too close because of that very fear.
Also, bringing up Hiyoko not being able to tie her own kimono and the memorial situation isn’t even related to Hiyoko being younger at all. The reason Hiyoko can’t tie her own kimono is because as the heir of the Saionji clan, she developed feelings of superiority. It’s not that hard to believe that she had people to help tie her kimono for her because of that feeling of superiority. As for the memorial, in my post I brought that up as an example of Mahiru’s kindness rubbing off on her when discussing the nature of their relationship and how it’s not gross or unhealthy {which no it isn’t}. The reason Hiyoko didn’t want to admit that she made the memorial was because she didn’t get the kind of response that she was hoping for. She thought the others would be impressed with her work, but due to it looking unsettling the others reacted negatively instead. She only admitted that she was responsible for the memorial after Chiaki said that there was honest intent behind it, despite looking very off-putting.
Overall, I feel like you misinterpreted/misunderstood the majority of what I said in my post. What you were trying to counter against was neither stated/implied in my post. A lot of the evidence that was brought up to support your claims was also flimsy/false/lacked proper context and there’s nothing in DR media that would back any of it up.
I hope that I explained myself well enough and I hope that I didn’t come off as incredibly harsh.
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kurainburdened · 6 years ago
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POKEMON AU pls.... bc i know ur passionate abt pokemon and honestly Me Too
III LOVE YOU!!! I WAS PLANNING ON MAKING THIS A THING WHERE I ADD IN THE SENDERS MUSE INTO THE HCS BUT MAYA AND YOUR MUSE NEVER INTERACTED WHICH IS A CRIME!!! Dont tell edgeworth or she might get arrested lol. But anway!! I want to do stuff with you!!
ALSO THANK YOU FOR SENIDNG THIS BECAUSE THATS REALLY SWEET OF YOU AND IM REALLY TOUCHED YOU REMEMERED I LOVE POKEMON
Number 1
Mayas first pokemon, funny enough isnt a ghost type, but a normal type. See, in the pokemon verse Mayas background is basically the same. The Fey village is basically unchanged in this worly except for one thing. On a certain part of the mountainside is a forest that travellers tend to get lost in for ages. Many report hallucinations as being the main cause for this so it’s kind of cut off. Maya, being the rebel she is, of course wanders it in hopes of conquering it. Her sister is usually the voice of reason and really it would only take her being like. what if youre lost forever or something to scare her into staying but shes not ther so into the forest she goes! It’s there that she finds a waterfall and goes there to train constantly. She tries and tries to channel spirits and one day, she succeeds! Or so she thinks. The first time she thinks she’s channeled another spirit, she sees herself as the spirit she’s been trying to channel, sees her now-possessed body moving and acting on it’s own. When she runs back to the village to tell her story, she’s told that she couldn’t have channeled a spirit because if she did she would’ve been unconscious. 
Confused Maya goes back and tries again only to get the same result. After a bit of investigating Maya realizes the source of travelers getting lost and the hallucinations is due to a stantler. This Stantler saw Maya, this little girl training so hard that it took pity on her, and wanting to help in the only way it could let her see herself channeling a spirit. At first Maya is crushed and upset at the pokemon for giving her false hope but quickly forgives it and thanks it for wanting to help. The pokemon soon takes on this kind of caring role for Maya, along with also being her only playmate seeing as the other girls in the village are kind of distant with her. Her being the heir to the Master title and Morgan instructing them to listen to her and listen to all her selfish desires, leading to them being resentful of her. Anyway, also to build off of that. Once Mayas sister dies, she asks the Stantler to let her see her Sister again. And thats like a thing she did for awhile before telling it to stop because it became this painful reminder of something she could never do which is channel her sister. Actually fun fact she asked the stantler to show her her mother but was heartbroken when it basically gave her the answer that it couldnt because Maya didn’t have the memory of her mothers face anymore. Anyway. One time when shes particularly heartbroken and hopeless she laments in the forest to herself how shes so useless and cant do anything right. How she hates herself for being this way. Hates herself for not being able to compare to Mia or her mother. At this point she sees the image of her sister saying shes proud of her. Maya is angry at Stantler for showing her such a horrible lie and runs away. Only to later be told by the pokemon that it wasn;t trying to make her see her sister say that, rather it was the only way of communicating that even if no one else appreciated her, it was proud of her. 
ANYWAY ENOUGH OF STANTLER ON TO NUMBER 2
That’s right another in depth backstory for another pokemon hopefully not as long lol
The next on the list is a primeape that lives in the forest, training with sawk and throh. It kind of ended up getting abandonned by it’s trainer in a place where this breed of pokemon aren’t really found but it’s found it’s place with the sawk and throh so it doesn’t mind too much. It ended up earning it’s respect with good old fashioned fighting and is kind of in a ‘king of the forest’ position. Scary and intimidating and bent on establishing its dominance to all that challenge it! Anyway, while Maya is exploring the mountainside of her village she finds out about it and it’s plain to see that Primeape has a certain amount of respect among the other fighting types. After having seen a cool tv episode where the hero challenges the strongest of the strong a really young Maya decides to do the same, announcing loudly when the pokemon is alone that she’s here to challenge the pokemon to a duel to the death! She runs up throws her small fist at the might and strong pokemon!
To which, not wanting to hurt this strange small child, primeape falls over dramatically, clutching the side which she hit and lets its tongue flop out all goofy in the hopes of appeasing her. Maya, not really sure what to do, honestly not even having thought this far ahead starts getting worried for the pokemon and starts crying to which it quickly gets up in a panic to reassure her its ok. From there it kind of takes on this older brother position with her. Also playing with her, letting her grab onto it as she swings throughout the trees. 
Goodness this Maya is turning out to be much more of a wild child than her aa counterpart. She’s not exactly strong, but she’s more athletic I’d imagine in this version. More nimble but can definitely have her clumsy moments on occasion. 
putting last three under cut cause THIS IS LONG. IF YOURE ON MOBILE IM SO SORRY
Number three!
Goodness I stuffed way too much into those other HCs but onto Phoenix! Anyway this also remains for the most part unchanged. What you think the pokemon world doesn’t need lawyers? Anyway, quick tanget but trainers arent really
it’s not a sustainable lifestyle, most people do it as a way of coming of age before moving into the respective field they took interest in during their travels. So no, if you have a pokemon au you don’t have to be some professional trainer. Professional battles are like a sport and trainers are athletes. Sure people enjoy it on the side but it’s NOT the norm to make it a living off of it. You have to be smart and strategic in a very complicatedf sport that takes a LOT  of training and it’s not like in the game where if you spam tackle after walking around for 5 seconds you gain XP. its more like you’re a coach training 6 athletes in how to train their bodies in the best way possible while coming up with tons of game plans. 
anyway tangent over. Phoenix is a lawyer and this taking place in the pokemon world only lends itself towards there being much more factors to consider when thinking of how murders occured. Her life with Phoenix for the most part remains unchanged but as a side note Maya encounters a lot of pokemon along the way during her travels with phoenix. She thinks strong heroic looking pokemon are cool so she tends towards pokemon like sawk and throh or conkeldurr. OH AND IVE BEEN SETTING THIS IN SPECIFICALLY UNOVA AND ONLY RESEARCHING THE UNOVA DEX FOR MAYA ND THE POKEMON THAT SURROUND HER. 
I feel like.. Audino might enter theyre little group at one point? Like Stantler comes with her when she leaves the mountain cause Stantler is a worrywart and Maya is a mess and has never been down to the big city, but Primeape is more trusting in Maya and her abilities and knows shes much stronger than a lot of people give her credit for. He doesn’t come down the mountain to be with her until much later just cause he has a pack to guide. Actually the pokemon it leaves in charge is like another pokemon Maya is close with since it was primeapes apprentice and maya and this pokemon were kids together and kind of were the babies of the pack ANYWAY SORRY TANGENT. 
aNYWAY AUDINO. A while back Audino were attempted to be integrated into crime fighting in some way since the way theyre psychic powers work they’d be able to sense overwhelming
i guess malevolence or evil or bad intentions but like. It’s just REALLY unhealthy for them and it really signifigantly lessens their lifespans just cuase all the negativity eats away at them emotionally and one of the pokemon, it’s really old honestly like it was one of the pokemon that originally was part of this attempt to integrate these pokemon with the police force and was luckily enough like it survived long enough for them to end the program and it just
can’t endure being around negativity anymore like it’s really stressful so it enjoys being around Maya just cause she is really kindhearted and senstive and good and the Wright office is filled with kind hearted people so it just takes comfort being there. It doesn’t really leave the office though and while it’s there for everyone it really does belong to Maya for the most part. 
THATS JUST AN IDEA I HAVE THOUGH IDK IF ILL MAKE THAT PART OF HER CANON
Im kind of just going off on differen points in this one huh. Like the other wre a story here im just like SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. 
Number 4 (where diana tries to stop being ADHD and hopefully doesnt fail miserably)
Honestly you’d think being part of a back of fighting types would make her more suited towards groups and make her less selfish. Spoiler alert. It didn’t  If you think Maya is good at making people do what she wants now you shouldve seen her when she was a kid. Though it also means shes got a entire pack of fighting types who will die for her and if you make her cry you better be sorry. and if youre not you’re going to be.  
Oh and also dont think that just cause Maya is a forest girl that oh shes strong and knows how to fight cause like. She really doesn’t. Honestly the pokemon around her kind of coddled her and outside of her gaining enough stamina to hold up against running around with her pokemon friends she’s not really
.all that much stronger. She doesn’t know how to fight either. She can jsut run really fast and is more likely to attempt more dangerous things that she’s seen other pokemon do cause WHY NOT. She basically just has more dangerous influences lol
Number 5 cause i want to wrap this up a bit
Oh boy now what can i do for a fifth one lets see
 see the thing is Maya is basically the same between the two versions of her except for certain like physical differents that I just listed. 
I guess here’s one but she doesn’t
.she’s not a good trainer. Like her team, right now, is an old man of an Audino. A Stantler that can only do hallucinations and is kind of bad at fighting and then this powerhouse of a Primeape. 
The Primeape is a GREAT fgighter but tends to keep to the mountains unless it starts missing her and comes downt o visit real quick. Her other two are just
weak. Maya though is really good at thinking on her feet so she can use what her pokemon do have to come up with some great strategies. Thought his doesnt reall come out unless shes backed up against the wall. See the reason why everyone percieves Maya as stupid and useless is because that’s how she percieves herself. Maya for the most part does what she can in what she think she can do but doesn’t really let her true intellect show because shes convinced shes an idiot. She kind of jokes around with bad ideas but she really is quick on her feet and good in a clutch.
So the only time you see her good skills with her pokemon and coming up with inventive ways for these basically powerless pokemon to get her out of tight situations is when literally shes by herself, there’s no one else to rely on and lives are on the line.
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tumblunni · 6 years ago
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Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...
Sorry, going a little offtopic there.
But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!
Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....
Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??
Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...
So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!
So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids
And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.
This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...
God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..
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