#like theres just smth so pleasing to my brain abt it

[impuratdawne]

every time i think about changing my main accounts handle i remember how perfectly my urls match up and back out of the settings with tears in my eyes

[skitskatdacat63]

Happy 5/14!!!!

Aaaaahh not sure if this is my best work 😭 I just really wanted to draw smth for vettonso day but my brain hasn't really been functioning well LOL so I kept dreading working on this, especially bcs its so important to me, y'know? I hope it's good????? I'm happy with the concept, but I was just so unsure on so many of the angles and it was killing me. I did the color thing bcs I thought it'd add something interesting to it :) since I didn't paint it as I usually would

Anyways! Process!

Now I will explain all of them:

Boy king au is where it all starts of course. I think their relationship is the most developed in this compared to the others, but at the same point, they just start from such a different point, especially affection-wise. All of these kinda have a power dynamic, except the last one, and this is the most imbalanced. Fernando is being subservient, the only part of Seb he may kiss(in public lol) is his hand.

Matador au next. They hurt themselves when they try to be affectionate, because they live in the culture of a sport of violence and death. The sword separates them, their love for the sport keeps them apart, in fear that they hurt each other. Seb, yet again, looks down upon Fernando. Seb haunts Fernando's whole career, the constant overhanging presence. Also aside from that, shame that you can't see his three musketeers look bcs of the black background 😔

2012 core!!! I think this one is pretty easy to understand. Both of them often kiss their trophies, more so than any driver. So they're both trying to claim the wdc trophy by kissing it. Maybe you guys should just get rid of the trophy altogether and claim each other! But yes, just like the sword in the matador au one, the trophy and their ambitions divides, keeps them from ever bridging the vast gap between them, at least at that point in time.

The conclusion! Aka what I wish we will get at Imola 2024- kidding kidding. But it is 2024. Finally there is no conflict between them, there's no big thing keeping them in conflict, they can finally come together. Finally they can touch, there is no gap to bridge, they can appreciate each other, and appreciate what they failed to in years past.

The thesis is basically that they always have their aspirations between them, and their aspirations happen to be basically the same thing. Until those are resolved, the gap between them is too vast for them to recognize and/or find any commonality. How do you get along with someone when you're both fighting for the same thing? How do you get along when it feels like one of you is winning more? How do you get along when there's such a vast gap?

In boy king au, it's going to take a while before they both feel settled about the issue of the throne. That's what makes that au interesting, they're trapped in this state of non-closure and they have to actually solve their issues without the matter of one of them simply removing themselves from the equation. They have to find a way to get over themselves and their aspirations, because like it or not they're stuck with each other. I think with the hand kissing, it represents how Fernando, at that point, is only willing to play along with the game if it's tradition, and he often won't budge in other ways. Yes, I will show subservience, but only in this detached, formal way that I don't connect personally to. He's still holding his own bitterness over meaningfully appreciating Seb. Though it's not like Seb isn't at fault. It takes a while for him to not hold things over Fernando, and constantly humiliate him. One day they will meaningfully show affection, and it won't be some sort of power play.

I think matador au is pretty similar to real life, and the 2010s era(it's basically just their actual plot line but in the context of bullfighting.) They're forever going to have this big elephant in the room, and it only really gets resolved when one of them leaves the sport. Once they're not fighting directly against each other, they realize what they've been missing out on and what they were not appreciating for so many years beforehand. They finally come together because they can't just rely anymore on the sport keeping them together. They actually have to make that step to be in each other's lives, rather than just taking their presence for granted.

Also the text on the comic. "We keep missing, and missing, and missing, and finally kissing." It's basically: we keep missing the point of it all, we keep failing to appreciate each other presence in our lives and in our own individual grand stories. But when we're not forced together anymore, we have to make the choice to come together again ourselves. We keep missing what we actually need to do. Missing each other in favor of our aspirations. Etc etc. One day we will finally embrace and there will be nothing keeping us apart.

[silverislander]

got a very polite email from my supervisor basically saying "you're writing an honours essay and you've planned a doctoral dissertation please make this so much smaller" 💀

[philosophicallie]

also being short in the western world is fucking humiliating and not even in a compare your appearance way. its the fucking constant lack of fitting clothing because your proportions are so fucking short because you total up to fucking FIFTY FIVE!!!! 55 inches ONLY

small sized clothing will usually still have 4-5 excess inches for fucking standardization IM NOT THE STANDARD IM A STUPID SHORT ASIAN IMMIGRANT JUST LET ME HAVE SMALLER CLOTHES WITH SOME FUCKING DIGNITY

[phagodyke]

been wanting to work out all day so I did when I got back even tho it was just for 20 mins bc i still have period cramps but all its done is make me jittery + on the Brink of extremely angry

[barrenclan]

(gestures to that one panel in the new issue) you see you can tell their family because of their matching eyebags

in all seriousness you are making me soo insane. i barely even touch tumblr but every once and awhile ill come check “new patfw updare? new patfw update?” like a lil parrot and i reread different pages so much i just. my brain chemistry has been altered. outside of the story and all that i love how you format the whole thing. ive never seen a comic formatted like this in my life with like the. the. the text outside of explicit dialogue still there you know but it scratches a little itch for me and you utilize it SO WELL. like i feel like if you were to switch patfw to any other format, outside of the effort itd obviously take to make it itd just be. really hard to get right if that makes sense. its just… so tied to its strange little format its great. if i may ask like. stupid question but is this just like a type of formatting you just decided to use or did you see it somewhere else beforehand? bc like it may be common or smth i dont read many comics man

weird tangent aside i love the characters, story all that too of course! theres just. so much to talk abt there i wouldn’t know where. To Start. youve done admirable job of fleshing out so many characters to some degree in the time youve had. some of barrenclan may be assholes but theres something to be said about all of them. beeface isnt mean all the time etc, you know? they dont feel static in the sense that they feel like they are living their kitty lives. slug family in particular just scratches a little itch for me i could go. on and on. i miss asphodel. if you kill any more of them i wont. do anything but i would be very sad.

i cant imagine the type of dedication and effort it would take to keep smth like this going and just. yeah!!👍 good luck with ur silly kitty comic solider

Thank you so much for all your kind words! I'm so glad you like the comic! I've had a lot of fun making it and the response has been truly flattering.

The "style" is not my own creation; it is inspired by one of my favorite webcomics, Paranatural, which transitioned out of traditional comics into this format a couple years ago. :] Like so:

That is what it's based on! And I've seen setups like it in other places before, though none come to mind. However it's not very common in webcomic spaces - although my friend haw does have a new comic @pipjackal which uses a similar setup! Read Pip Jackal, please, for me. And Paranatural.

[aroace-poly-show]

Friend could you please go on a rant about siffrin or rui im having a Piss Brain Moment and need to distract myself + your rants are soa awesome always

SURE SURE UM i don’t know how you feel abt spoilers so uh. will try to avoid that. anyway watching siffrin throughout the loops just slowly going more and more insane is so. ougrdhjfg. he loves his friends so much too :( he wants to protect them so bad :( one of his main goals later in the loops is to find out how to help them with any of their problems :( they keep going through the loops miserably but having their friends with them keeps them going :( and whenever theres like smth about him that his friends notice he goes all :0 bc its weird when he’s like perceived and his friends notice things about him bc he’s actually seen like wow thats crazy but just.oughdsg he loves. so much. he makes me ill. me when the character is full of so much love. ourgdhfsgfbdfds……………..

if you don’t care abt spoilers uh. more rambles under the cut

siffrin in the later loops esp the third ending after you beat the king while also having done the friendship quests is so. oughghdgdhj. during the friendship quests before where they help all their friends and make all of them happy and they all love them theres that moment at the picnic scene i believe where after he says he’s happy it goes “in this moment you are loved.” and he thinks he wants to try going through the castle to the end bc maybe this time it’ll be different now that he’s with friends who love him (LIKE THEY DIDNT LOVE HIM BEFORE LIKE HE WASN’T ALREADY LOVED LIKE MJFHDJSBSNDFHD) (also i got the tutorial event after doing all 4 of them but i’ve seen some of my friends get it earlier having only done a few of them but the tutorial event made me. ill. bc it was directly after them saying that they wanna try going through the castle without looping bc now their friends love them and then they brutally kill a sadness in front of all his friends horrifying them. with faces that make him think he’s already ruined this. like he’s happier and loved right now but goodness gracious he is still. going a little insane.) and when he makes it to the end the first time not much changes aside from odile noticing how he looked and getting worried and all his friends trying to run for him to help him before whatever was happening (the loop restarted) happens and at first he berates himself for thinking the power of love or whatever would save him but by the third time hes fucking smiling at them and its like “they love you! they all love you! you could do this forever!” they love him enough to try to run after him to save him and hes fucking smiling at themmmm and the restart screen ends with “in this moment you were loved” and i am ILLLLLLLL ITS SO. ITS SO. OURGDFHSDJGHAFJGHJHFJHAAGDJHJHDFG.S…………..siffrin……..fucked up little guy………..later in act 5 when he’s told he’s gonna be in here for eternity he tries to be like “its fine its fine because you’re here with your family right? because you’re loved? because you’re with them? ot’s fine right? but this thought…IS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO GO ON ANYMORE!!!” bc atp they’ve been through it so many times these aren’t their friends anymore to them they’re just actors and copies and fictional versions of them that will never ever change and they want to be with their real family and theres this whole thing of them comparing these loops and how they act and how their friends act to actors in a play and that he has to keep following the script and UWAGHDSHS HES A STUPID FUCKING TEHATER KID TOO. ITS ALWYAS THE THEATER KIDS THAT GET ME. FUCK. okay this was a lot. i’m not even done i could say so much. but yeah sorry

[bluewillowedart]

your magical girl au is so silly /vpos. that time frame where toya had yet to join but akito has sounds so goofy.. he really just has the Some Guy vibes (with the same powers as the other two but). i would love to hear your ideas so far on how he gets himself into that without toya because 99% of the time in canon he gets himself into weird shit because toya said "please 🥺" LMAO. also do you have any ideas about how other prsk characters would play into this (especially tsukasa, rui, and the vivids)? also also any specific scenes in your brain?

hehe thank you anon :)

and yeah YEAH the interval isnt too large but it gives that time for akito to have more one on one interactions with emu and nene and its so silly :]

ill nestle everything else under the cut bc im going to ramble again wagh

TBH that piece where touya can easily sway akito as such made me consider it to be more logical for it to be the other way around where akito is last to join initially but i chose this order for the sake of the fun dynamics LOL

emu kept asking and begging akito to team up with her and nene (as nene just sat there and watched this all occur) until he reluctantly accepted. giving them one chance and all. hes very strong and emu believes hes more than worthy for the role despite his own personal opinion. when touya eventually joins tho he finally confidently accepts working as a team bc touya gave him the pleading face. and you Know akito cannot turn that down or smth. yeah <3

tbh the team dynamic as fun as it is, it doesnt start out as cohesive as one would hope bc theres so much clash and it takes them time to be able to obtain that synergy (i want them to build up to having a badass unity attack to wrap that little arc hehe).

the idea of them having the double life between performances and saving the god damn city is chaotic but thats how it is being a magical girl!!

i havent given too much thought abt tsukasa, rui, an, and kohanes role in this au but im debating between letting them be normal surpporting roles OR they get to be the silly ""rival"" team to aktyemnn bc that would already be such a fun dynamic between those four,... and adding in the usual meta of not recognizing their mg counterparts would make this even funnier LMAO

actually wait.. this is really fun i like this... i want rui to have a giant bazooka as his weapon of choice, it makes sense in my heart. and then tsukasa would have a pegasus partner. kohane a hamster partner. ohhhbh i am letting my train of thought dictate my answer here as. you can see.

i wish i could draw bc i would have loveed to include little doodles to accompany my thoughts here bc the visuals would help better emphasize my points haha,,, but when i can. i DEFINATELY want to doodle for this au again,, i miss it so dearly since i got so busy with school..

[angeleccstasy]

TELL ME ABT YOUR OCS PLEASE I WANNA KNOOWWWOWOWOW

OH MY GOD? I THINK I KNOW WHO THIS IS MAYBE NOT BUT :GRABS YOU ANON. ANON I ACTUALLY WENT :O :DDD! IRL WHEN I SAW THIS NOTIF !! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR ASKING GAHHH <3

ok so!! i have a lot of ocs from different stories but heres 2 charas ive been rotating in my brain 24/7 nonstop for a while ^_^ !!! so theres these 2 guys from my psychological action-gorey horror webcomic idea, the fine game of agony, dubbed the prisoner and the warden! they have real names but shhh im not telling publicly yet :] in 200~ ad ancient rome, a man becomes a serial killer and despite his carefulness gets caught and the townsfolk plan to torture and execute him so he makes a deal w/ the devil to become immortal and be able to revive from death and heal unnaturally fast from injuries. he is, of course, the prisoner. the townsfolk brutalize the shit out of him and he dies a few times over the course of abt 2 days but he always comes back good as new, the townsppl are horrified so after some discussion, they realize the prisoner made a deal w/ the devil to become immortal so someone needs to become immortal and resilient just like the prisoner to guard him. another man willingly steps in, the warden. the townsfolk perform a ritual of sorts and make him immortal and be able to revive from death and heal unnaturally fast from injuries just like the prisoner. so thats where they get their names from! in 400 ad unfortunately the prisoner escapes and the warden goes after him and thattt is pretty much the start of their uhhhh Awful Horrific Relationship! so yeah to end this off, the fine game of agony is abt the cycle of horrible mutual abuse the warden and prisoner have been keeping each other in for 1800ish years and the story explores the highs and lows of both of their lives and how trauma and ego and hate have warped and rewired the way their minds work and how they would love to just simply cease to be, but not without taking the other down with them first :D THIS IS PRETTY LONG AND I NEED TO GO TO BED ILL RB THIS AND TALK ABT SMTH MORE LIGHTHEARTED TMRW + ELABORATE ON My Horrific Men some more if you want!!

[just-some-random-blogger]

part 2 for meow love! 'so nada is dream’s first love' OH nice to learn abt her finally. 'dream we cant be together im sorry i was stupid pls let me go this is bad' cant really judge her. its probably scary to learn that smn youre connected with is... nothing normal and nothing you know about. and pity for dream... hope hell get some love. well this rock thing... is so desperate... feel so bad for her. and its kinds cute (bc oh <зhe doesnt care<з/sarc) but REALLY creepy of dream to still want her to be his queen when shed done THIS to get rid of him.. 'so they make love on top of the mountain' ok i have some questions for the author... well now you have all the right to only sympathise with him bc they said it doesnt matter hes been creepy. (dont take all my words seriously in the first meaning). 'THEN FUCKING BURNS NADA’S ENTIRE VILLAGE' 🤡🤡🤡 . idk whats going on. just remember that i dont know any of them and have no (0) feelings about the characters and the events. 'its cold hard reality the people have to suffer for their rulers’ mistakes' understand like nothing else... its kinda difficult to speak abt the other century bc i know what and why and morality was different but i want to say what i think now with me own experience but dont want to repeat that its only how i feel... they all are so fucked. 'CRYING FUCK then jumps of the cliff and dies' ghdjdd sorry but it sounds amusing to me. reasonable 100%. 'theyre dead youre dead just be with dream forgetting that guilt exists' yeah i thought about it too. like you can do nothing for them now? so what? so punish yourself for them? it has no meaning. BUT also dream? man chill down pls TT yeah she betrayed you, thats all, just hate her peacefully and have good fluffy dreams lol. 'of course i still love you BUT i stilll havent forgiven you' what sex on top of the mountain does to men.... as ever, i judge everyone. she couldve done better, he couldve done LOTS of different things. but ok. it is as it is. YEY FINALLY TALKING ABOUT JOSE RIZAL! this worldwife TT hdsddk actually reminded me of pushkin. good for them both. 'his work inspired the revolution and he did so with non violence so' sounds really cool. and hes so badass for his death. this cunning spain... wow its really good to learn about your history. and the KKK is pretty cool. i like this title. and this cute story about you being confused bc of the song TT such a pure feeling. wow its REALLY amazing to learn about his works. your retelling is delightful. thanks SO MUCH for your efforts, your time, your big brain vibes and everything you do to answer to me! youre SO educational! youre an amazing catmom! 'we love kdramas here in the ph and complain if there arent eng subs on their shows' fhdhsp cute. its soso intriguing to learn about the culture that in fact is a lot different from my own. so please continue! 'this is such a long love letter' i love it!! i cant answer to everything bc itd be even longer and im too gripped by all the information you give but i love long love letters! omg i.. i JUST UNDERSTOOD that i misplaced papak and flan FJSHFHJ. my inattentiveness will be the death of me im SORRY TT so ive already said you what is the thing similar to flan so what is similar to papak.. i meant the defenition, not the very word. theres a word 'кусочничать' (kusochnichat' ig) which is informal, actually, and literally means do smth with the pieces. in fact eating them... i already see how confused you were TT im sorry im silly. well majority of european languages derive from the proto-indo-european including english and spanish as well as slavic languages. and all the vagons come from proto-indo-european 'woghnos'. actually, our vagon came from the french. as far as i know, we didnt have much face to face contact with spain throughout the history. 'its normal to be anxious but you will overcome it' yeah i did! but i was so sleepy and dizzy and all bc of the things i was doing in the night... so ig part 3.... see you soon, love! have a nice.. time? yeah, enjoy your time. love you<з

HELLO <3

'so nada is dream’s first love' OH nice to learn abt her finally. 'dream we cant be together im sorry i was stupid pls let me go this is bad' cant really judge her. its probably scary to learn that smn youre connected with is... nothing normal and nothing you know about.

true T_T i dont blame nada at all she be a stupid mortal like the rest of us 😩 Icarus core flew too close to the sun

and pity for dream... hope hell get some love.

T_T yes and therapy

well this rock thing... is so desperate... feel so bad for her. and its kinds cute (bc oh <зhe doesnt care<з/sarc) but REALLY creepy of dream to still want her to be his queen when shed done THIS to get rid of him..

i mean HAHAHAH he's not human so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what is morals to someone like him? what is injury or death to a flesh form to him ya feel. i get what you mean its kinda cut eHLSAHAHSF but he problematic af still HAHAHAH

'so they make love on top of the mountain' ok i have some questions for the author...

I MEAN THEY WERE ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN ALREADY COS SHE WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM I THINK HAHHAHA I DONT REMEMBER HAHAAH

well now you have all the right to only sympathise with him bc they said it doesnt matter hes been creepy. (dont take all my words seriously in the first meaning).

AHAHHHAHHAHAH

'THEN FUCKING BURNS NADA’S ENTIRE VILLAGE' 🤡🤡🤡 . idk whats going on. just remember that i dont know any of them and have no (0) feelings about the characters and the events.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAH ITS FINE ITS JUST LIKE HAHAHAHAHAHAH ???? WHYYYYY>???????

'its cold hard reality the people have to suffer for their rulers’ mistakes' understand like nothing else... its kinda difficult to speak abt the other century bc i know what and why and morality was different but i want to say what i think now with me own experience but dont want to repeat that its only how i feel... they all are so fucked.

eat the rich and powerful

'CRYING FUCK then jumps of the cliff and dies' ghdjdd sorry but it sounds amusing to me. reasonable 100%.

NAH HAHAHH IT IS KIND OF FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHA COS REAL HAHAHAHAH T_T

'theyre dead youre dead just be with dream forgetting that guilt exists' yeah i thought about it too. like you can do nothing for them now? so what? so punish yourself for them? it has no meaning.

see we be the same

BUT also dream? man chill down pls TT yeah she betrayed you, thats all, just hate her peacefully and have good fluffy dreams lol.

FACT but he be petty 😩

'of course i still love you BUT i stilll havent forgiven you' what sex on top of the mountain does to men.... as ever, i judge everyone. she couldve done better, he couldve done LOTS of different things. but ok. it is as it is.

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO FUNNY SEX ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN DOES TO MEN AHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAH ur so right #justicefornada and yeah dream with that one braincell coming through HAHAHAHAHAHAH

YEY FINALLY TALKING ABOUT JOSE RIZAL! this worldwife TT hdsddk actually reminded me of pushkin. good for them both.

HAHAHA OMG YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO HAHAHHHAH

'his work inspired the revolution and he did so with non violence so' sounds really cool. and hes so badass for his death.

yeah bang bang 😞😩✊

this cunning spain... wow its really good to learn about your history.

<3 im glad you think so i find it so funny that you keep saying cunning spain HAHHAH IDK ITS KINDA CUTE HAHAHHAAH

and the KKK is pretty cool. i like this title.

THEYRE THE REALEST AND THE COOLEST 😫😫😫😫

and this cute story about you being confused bc of the song TT such a pure feeling.

T_T i was so confused for real

wow its REALLY amazing to learn about his works. your retelling is delightful. thanks SO MUCH for your efforts, your time, your big brain vibes and everything you do to answer to me! youre SO educational! youre an amazing catmom!

💗💗 I LOVE THAT FOR ME thank you my kitty kat muning <3

'we love kdramas here in the ph and complain if there arent eng subs on their shows' fhdhsp cute. its soso intriguing to learn about the culture that in fact is a lot different from my own. so please continue!

i love kdramas 😩 and yeah were pretty culturally different huh, besides the kwoa thing HAHAH

'this is such a long love letter' i love it!! i cant answer to everything bc itd be even longer and im too gripped by all the information you give but i love long love letters!

<3 <3 im glad you think so <3 <3 <3 im worried i might be telling you things you dont care about so this is reassuring <3

omg i.. i JUST UNDERSTOOD that i misplaced papak and flan FJSHFHJ. my inattentiveness will be the death of me im SORRY TT so ive already said you what is the thing similar to flan so what is similar to papak.. i meant the defenition, not the very word. theres a word 'кусочничать' (kusochnichat' ig) which is informal, actually, and literally means do smth with the pieces. in fact eating them... i already see how confused you were TT im sorry im silly.

no i know you meant the definition! its ok mistakes happen stop apologizing /: its fine. its cool to know you have a similar word <3

well majority of european languages derive from the proto-indo-european including english and spanish as well as slavic languages. and all the vagons come from proto-indo-european 'woghnos'. actually, our vagon came from the french. as far as i know, we didnt have much face to face contact with spain throughout the history.

wow my blown mind mind blown wow oh my HAHAHAHHA DAMN i got schooled love that for me purr 💅 as you should queen

'its normal to be anxious but you will overcome it' yeah i did! but i was so sleepy and dizzy and all bc of the things i was doing in the night...

YAY GOOD FOR YOU MY LOVE <3

so ig part 3.... see you soon, love! have a nice.. time? yeah, enjoy your time. love you<з

omg p3 wow slaYYY

xxx

[blackvail22]

11/2/23 — 10:05p

y parents say this was a good vacation, and my sister said she enjoyed herself too. i just cant shake the feeling of that it wasnt?

am i overthinking it?

i mean, it wasnt the worst vacation we've had.. its probably the best one, if we're judging it on how much my parents argued. they didnt really argue this time, but its because my dad just went with whatever my mom said.

i think not being able to ignore my mom's behavior is what ruined it for me.

but also, its my fault, too, i guess.

i guess i made her act up sometimes. i got yelled at, i think, twice? by both her and my dad. the first time, they both yelled at me at the same time. i didnt take my medicine that day (because i dont have to take my vyvanse every day), so i felt more sad than usual. when im sad, i have a disrespectful tone to my voice, and im irritable. it didnt help that my dad called the waitress in the restaurant short as soon as we entered the building. anyways, they yelled at me because of the tone of my voice. if im being honest, i tuned out what they said so i didnt remember what they said. all i remember is my mom saying, "this is why i hate talking to you," and i said, "then dont talk to me." which, i admit, was a bad way to respond.

the other time was earlier today. we were sitting in the hot tub/spa thing, and my family were talking. my dad was talking about how he didnt want to go back to work, and my brother said he likes his job. then, he talked about how he was thinking about college or smth like that. my dad responds about how some colleges are pro-palestine, like, my dad was saying it like it was a bad thing. not wanting to hear my dad's bigotry, told him that i didnt want to talk about that right now. whatever, whatever, my brother talks abt how him and my sister can get their concealed carry license, or whatever tf if, is when we get back in town. my dad was like basically challenging my brother in like "you dont need one anymore... not if you go down [enter highway number here]" and my brother said that they travel outside of that route number, and my dad ways like "where do you go, huh?" and my brother said "everywhere...." and i didnt want them to fight abt it, so i said, "can you please just let them do what they want to." my dad said, "are you trying to pick a fight with me or something? why the fuck are you acting like that?" i just stayed quiet the rest of the time and was in my head the rest of the time.

maybe im just in my head.

maybe it was a good trip, and i just cant feel anything positive

maybe i just have to find something wrong in everything.

noo, my mom does that. she finds something wrong about everyone she sees. she assumes everyone has negative intentions. the server today asked us if everything tasted fine, and asked if we needed anything. my mom said, "she probably doesn't think shes going to get a tip because we look poor" i just looked at her. it took everything in me not to say something because theres no fucking way 😭 she says that ALL THE TIME, and it frustrates me. the woman is just doing her job, leave her alone :,)

i need to write out what we did each day of my vacation in detail so i can go over it with my counselor. i cant do it until i get home, though, because then i can type as fast as my brain goes lol.

typing these out on my phone is so hard. im not an extremely slow typer, but i am suchhh a fast typer when i have a computer keyboard. sometimes i get so frustrated when im typing on my phone because my brain is moving so fast, but my fingers cant type it fast enough, lmaoo

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

THIS REMINDS ME yesterday i was watching cyberpunk edgerunners and like. the shit that goes down in that show makes me feel the least bit happy for what we have rn in csm and jjk… but j still miss my sillies 😞😞

also PLEASE hit me up with any ideas/dribbles/hcs im out of brain juice for anyoen really

oh god phshshzhd i still havent watched edgerunners but ive heard its angsty as hell 😭😭 AND NO I GET U LIKE…… i just want the jjk trio back. i miss when they were silly n happy T_T

im so bad at coming up w fic ideas on the spot pshshdxh……. but hmmmm i know u like megumi. i read a rly rly sweet gumi fic by shotorus recently !! n since then i cant stop thinking abt college au gumi….. but also childhood friends to lovers gumi……… angst works rly well for him too for. obv reasons.

maybe an angsty childhood friends fic… or smth…… u grow up with him and watch him grow cynical . (but he never stops being the gumi u fell in love w as kids… aaand then chapter 212 happens.)

ive been thinking abt some aki ideas too tho👀👀

like ok. imagine that u work at a shitty convenience store…. that aki frequents…… where he buys lil meals and his special cigarette brand. the amount increases over the years but you never mention it.

and hes obv gorgeous and cool and maybe one time he helps u with a creepy customer late at night so u just kinda start crushing on him. bc why wouldnt you.

and then maybe the years kinda go by… n u dont really Speak a lot but theres a silent comfort between u. a familiarity.

(and maybe he kinda also has a crush on u…. just a tiny tiny one. and wishes he could maybe grab a coffee w u but he never asks because he doesnt want to get you involved in his life. its too risky. and he knows he wont live long anyway.)

so its just. this unspoken Thing. between the two of you. but you keep working at your shitty convenience store and he keeps coming in and buying cigarettes. until one day he stops.

SMTH LIKE THAT PSHHDH im still mapping it all out but trust me itll be angsty

[kingslayerstew]

PULL THE TRIGGER IPOPTE!!

[maybemountains]

Reasons Why Everyone Should Watch Drawtectives:

(aka - a passing thought kickstarted my brainrot for drawtectives again and i just needed to yell abt it someone else please go here with me)

(no cut bc im on mobile and sont understand how tumblr work! Apologies!)

1. If you know drawfee that should already be a sign that drawtectives is just /so fun/ and /very/ funny and chaotic and already that should be enough tbh

2. Julia has so clearly put so much care into this show and like?? the art??? everything, (especially from the new season bc that's fresher in my mind) that she'll prep and then just Not Use bc the others just ignore it??? Yall its so good and there's so much xare put into it and just-

3. It is truly one of the only shows ive ever watched that has me in tears from laughter during like, most of the episodes. Its genuinely so funny and good yall

4. Have i mentioned that i love all the PCs? Please theyre so good yall. Like i just,,,,, i live grandma and york and rose all so much theyre just /so/ good.

5. York Lore. That's it. If youve ever improvised lore for a character and then had to stick with it? That. Its so good.

5.5. Jacob starting to read smth and then going "I CANT FUCKING READ" bc he decided once that york cant read and now has to stick with it & its truly one of the funniest things ever i love it so much

6. Eugene is literally the prettiest boy ive ever seen amd also I love him and yall do you know how hard it is to get me to have brain rot over male characters???

6.5. I was never really an art person so i dont really draw HOWEVER, the Two Men i would like to get good enough to draw are Apollo Justice of Ace Attorney Fame and Eugene Drawtectives. I cannot understate how rare it is to get me attached to make characters and YET Julia has managed to do exactly that with her wonderful son

7. Have I mentioned how much effort and love goes into this show?? Genuinely, every episode I watch I'm like "god I hope Julia knows how much I adore this" like just- YALL. Its so good and so much work goes into and every episode has me in literal awe? Like,,, Do you ever watch a show and it leaves you with the feeling of like, if you werent terrified of the internet/people that you would find a way to @ the creator(s) and just tell them how much you love their show bc it makes you happy and it has you going feral every new episode and you just want them to know that their effort and work on the show is extremely appreciated? Yeah, Drawtectives makes me feel that literally every episode.

8. Jancy!! I love her. I miss her. Drawtectives is worth to watch just for her tbh

9. Have I mentioned that the PCs are all basically in a qpr/relationship/something and that theyve all adopted Eugene as their son yet? yall i dunno how to describe it but it's good shit. They're best friends and they're in love and I love them & will absolutely die on this hill okay? They're a FAMILY and I love them

10. I am not someone who rewatches media easily. I have considered rewatching drawtectives more than once.

11. I keep coming back to this but yall its the amount of work and effort put into this show that really gets me. Bc its like, its like watching an actual play, so already y'know there's work going in there. But then you have the fact that this isnt just dnd and a podcast or dnd and its recorded with cameras like there's art and assets and the mouths are animated to move and the faces change and- like there's little animations done to match the vibe visually and its so good and i can only imagine it takes like forever and it's just. I keep coming back to the work that goes into it bc thats genuinely part of what i appreciate? Like its a good show and i love it and I'd love it regardless, but theres smth abt all the effort that goes into it that just makes me more *gently holds* abt the show, yk?

Just,,,, yall this show is so fun and it makes me happy and i have had so much brainrot for the show recently like very "I'll have one passing thought and think abt it again" and i just,,,, it's so good. I need more people to go here so i can subject people to my stupid headcanons more often,,, please,,,

(also! If it sweetens the deal at all, drawtectives s2 (current ongoing season) can be watched without s1! you may miss a couple of references here and there but thats abt it!)

[phagodyke]

(oops this turned into a long vent. on the slight chance someone is reading this feel free to ignore it im just oversharing on here again bc i dont have anywhere else to talk abt things!)

im not professionally diagnosed w autism or adhd or even rly self diagnosed tbh (<- secret third thing: independently peer reviewed nd by literally everyone in my life) like its definitely a non-zero possibility and i do often consider it but idk enough to judge for myself + ive never seriously considered getting assessed before bc i had doubts as to how useful that would be for me (on top of that im extremely independent + hate admitting anything is wrong ever bc if existing is eating me alive well thats my burden to carry. and also if i allowed myself to genuinely believe it enough to get assessed + they told me i didnt have either i would take it very very badly). and sure sometimes i would read books/papers etc or hear abt ppls experiences w neurodivergence (like. almost all my friends since i was a kid have been nd) and id be like well. this mirrors my own life to a scary degree of accuracy but these things arent exclusive to the nd community and anyway 1. im disabled and 2. theres just smth fucking wrong w me so whatever!

and now there are enough cracks in that mentality bc of recent life experiences that someone who can actually proactively help me has noticed + is supporting me to get assessed. so like. i guess im in it now. man. maybe there is smth going on up there and maybe if i did get diagnosed w smth i would actually finally be able to understand how i can make my life liveable + what support might help. bc currently this rly isnt it!! im so fucking tired.

I believed something was fundamentally wrong with me. I seemed to be broken in ways I couldn’t explain, but which everyone else could see at a glance. I spent several more years languishing like this, working myself to the point of burnout, having emotional breakdowns, relying on romantic partners for social contact and a sense of worthiness, and googling things like “how to make friends” in the middle of the night. Through it all, I never considered asking for help or sharing with anyone how I felt. I lived by a very narrow set of rules, and remaining independent and invulnerable was chief among them.

oh ok. guess im going to have to kms.

[princeanxious]

Still thinkin about anxceit but like, reverse what I usually view as their normal dynamic of janus being naturally witty and smooth and Virgil being openly jittery and cautious to say, like:

Janus being a runnaway of some sort to escape, having stark heterochromia, still using lies to protect himself even when he learns that Virgil, who is distinctly Not Human(think more fae prince like from LAOFT or otherworldly being, its at least LAOFT inspired tho) can see right through his lies without trying, not that Virgil really understands Why Janus generally keeps impulsively lying in general(its a fun thing to taunt other far with, I suppose? Aside from being a bad habit anyway), but he doesnt push abt it.

Virgil actually saved Janus's life from a grievous head wound, being the first being to treat Janus gentle and without disgust or hatred. It's only sort of a gift that Virgil gives Janus, as the only way Virgil could save Janus from bleeding out was mending the one side of his face and head with something new, thus gifting him shimmering scales as both a gift of health and a representation of Virgils otherworldly claim on Janus.

It takes a while for Janus to adjust to it, as his heterochromia had often been the source of so much of his past abuse, but the way the Virgil gazes at him unflinchingly and with reverance convinces him over time that he is worth that gaze.

I really just have this scene stuck in my head, heed the warnings in the tags tho:

Janus stumbling into the forest after escaping being attacked by some people from his village, bleeding out, desprate and exhausted and panicked.

In his delirium he ends up stumbling into a fairy circle or smth of that nature, and it summons Virgil who is luckily rather sympathetic to humans, on rare occasions at least. And Virgil sees this weak dying human, exhausted and scared, sobbing and just seeking safety, comfort, something to make it all stop.

Virgil is quick to reach out, putting a stasis on the humans wounds to cease the bleeding, unable to immediately heal the boy but it works nonetheless to stop the pain and temporarily remove one of the many things distressing the poor thing.

He then uses a lure within his voice to calm the trembling human down, cooing softly in a way that fogs Jan's frazzled brain in a warm hazy way. Janus is immediately away of the charm, the being clearly being transparent with it.

"Come, dear, its alright. Ive got you. Your hurt, let me help you? Please? Then you can rest, i'll keep you safe, I promise. Please, let me keep you?"

Janus knows what the fae is asking, knows exactly what it means, knows that he ahould be all accounts be terrified and refuse and run.

But hes tired, and this fae is cradling his face so nicely and speaking so comfortingly, and hes so tired. So tired of being scared and being hurt, and he just wants it to stop. He's exhausted from running, hes lost so much blood, and knows he'll likely die if he says no, if not today then could be tomorrow, next week, hes never going to be safe.

He hiccups, and reaches for the fae who catches him easily, his lanky arms surprisingly strong and warm, drawing him into a safe embrace in an instant.

"Please, keep me?"

He feels the taller lean down, cradling him closer, to kiss his forehead.

"I promise."

Janus's world goes dark after that.

When he wakes up, his face is tucked snuggly into the crook of Virgils neck and his body cradled safely in the others arms, tucked safely in a patched cloak for warmth, for once feeling fully rested and safe. Theres no more pain or fear, just a deep warm contentment as the fae cards his fingers through the human's soft hair, occassionally stroking the sensitive shimmering patches of scales that have replaced the wounds.

Janus never does regret letting Virgil keep him, not when it meant safety. Not when it meant spending his life at Virgil's side. Perhaps it's a little obvious, that Janus is owned by Virgil, that he belongs to Virgil more than to himself, but he doesnt really care, doesnt have the space in his mind to care, doesnt make space to care that he could be more independent if he asked to be, if he wanted to be. He's perfectly content where he is, safe and sound and at Virgil's side.

No one else seems to believe that theres nowhere else he'd rather be.